#am gonna try to finish this chapter tonight. maybe

[esmeralda-juniper]

[orcelito]

Also me being like "I Gotta get the itnl update out before i get 2800 hits" when I was at 2700 hits

But I'm already at 2718 hits hfkshfk like slow Down a little man I'm workin on it

[dreamofbetterthings]

No Regrets Noah Sebastian x Reader

Prompt: "The problem is, if I kissed you, I don't think I'd be able to stop."

VIP: Noah Sebastian

Band: Ban Omens

Summary: There's no such thing as a "calm" Halloween night, especially when hidden feelings are involved.

Warnings: It's gonna be a little spicy, but not full-on smut. Still, this is 18+ due to descriptive language and some curse words scattered about, so minors, please DNI. 

A/N

Hello everybody! I'm sorry that I dropped off the face of the Earth. I have an abundance of things going on in my personal life and I am trying my hardest to get through it all. I know in the last post I said chapter 3 of It's Been A Long, Long Time was coming soon. That wasn't a lie. It is still in the process of being edited. I'm working on a new uploading schedule for you guys, and a page redesign as well so if everything pans out the way I'm hoping, it will be put into effect starting next week. In the meantime, I have a couple of stories I'm planning on getting out before Chapter 3 gets released. This turned out a lot longer than I thought it was going to be, but I had an idea and ran with it. I've never written for Bad Omens before, so let me know what you think. Enjoy!

This is a fictional story about real-life people. Nothing that is mentioned in the story below represents who said individuals are, or how they act in real life.

Halloween night was always your favorite time to be around certain people, specifically the friends you called Motionless in White and Bad Omens. There was always something up their sleeve to turn the normal night into one that you weren't sure you wanted to remember in the morning. Luckily, tonight was the annual hangout at Chris' house this year, and you couldn't be more excited. Every year you all would get together at someone's house and pass out candy to the kids, then watch a couple of movies after the last stragglers came through. After that, came your favorite part of the night, Hide and Seek. It might seem childish, but watching a bunch of tipsy/drunk people try to stay quiet in a hiding spot was always hilarious.

 You were making another batch of popcorn when Chris walked into the kitchen. "Hey, we just put on The Lost Boys, just thought I'd let you know." You smile. "I'm not surprised. That's almost everybody's favorite." He laughs and grabs another bowl from the cabinet. "I know, that's why we put it on first, so nobody can complain about it later." The timer on the microwave went off signaling that the popcorn was finished, and you carefully took the bag out. You gave Chris the cooling-down bag and picked back up the one you set on the counter before he walked in. After emptying them and grabbing extra napkins, Chris brought the popcorn out to your friends who were talking through muffled and hushed whispers. Before you walked back into the room, he pulled you back for a second to whisper something in your ear. "I pulled the seeker for tonight. Unfortunately, it wasn't you. Maybe next year." You pout and then smile "Fuck, I'm never going to get picked." He laughs as you glanced around at everybody scattered in the room. 

Ryan sat with Justin on the loveseat. Folio was a drama queen and insisted he get his own seat. Nicholas, Vinny, and a few other of your friends, Florence, Nicole, Victoria, and Robert who were invited sat around the coffee table on the floor. Ricky, Jolly, and Noah were on the couch. Then, you and Chris got the two giant bean bags in the corner. The lights were changed to red and the TV just started the opening credits to The Lost Boys. You and Chris give the popcorn to Ricky and Nicholas respectively, everybody else having their own mostly full bowls, and grab your drinks before plopping back down on the bean bags. Folio rubs his hands together and smiles. "Now that our final two goofballs are here, who's ready to watch one of the best horror movies ever made?" Everybody gives some form of yes or a holler, and he immediately turns the volume up. As the movie plays, there is a small conversation here and there, and occasionally someone has to get up for a new drink, but you are relaxed and having fun. 

At about the halfway point of the movie, Noah gets up to get another drink from the fridge. On his way back, Jolly scares him, causing his wine to spill all over the floor and your sweatpants. "Jesus man!" The movie is paused and everyone's attention is on you guys. Jolly laughs and puts his hands up in defense. "Sorry dude, I had to scare you at least once today." He turns to look at you. "Didn't mean to ruin your sweatpants though, my bad." You wave him off. "It's no big deal, these were old anyway. You guys can keep the movie playing. I'm just gonna change into different pants real quick." You take a sip of your drink and get up from your spot to go upstairs. 

After finding your weekend bag, you huff as the extra sweatpants are nowhere to be found. Instead, you pull out a pair of spandex volleyball shorts and go to the bathroom. Noah hears the sink running upstairs as he's cleaning up the accidental mess he made by your spot. He throws the paper towels away and before he gets to the stairs, Chris quietly asks "You good?" He nods, telling the other singer he's going to make sure you're okay, and heads to your bathroom. He knocks a few times and after a couple of seconds, the sink cuts off and you open the door. You were expecting one of your girlfriends to be standing there, but instead, it's Noah. "I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I'm sorry about spilling on your sweats. I hope I didn't ruin them." Holding up the pants, you show him where the stain had previously been. "If these sweats can make it through one of your tours, they can certainly handle a little bit of wine. I just didn't want them to stain, since you drink the darker stuff." He chuckles and follows you back into the bedroom. 

You grab your shorts and get ready to put them on, but Noah points to your leg. "I didn't know you had a thigh tattoo." You glance at it and glance at him confused. "Really? I got it a while ago. I could've sworn I showed you when I got it done. Then again, I'm always in longer shorts, so it's not exactly easy to see." Setting them down, you turn to the side and pull part of your underwear band up, showing the last covered part of the tattoo. Looking up at Noah, you can see he's staring, but there's something else behind his eyes. Just not sure what it is though. You don't flinch when he reaches his hand out, but your skin gets goosebumps as his fingers ever so lightly trace over the ink on your leg. Everybody that came over tonight had seen each other in their undergarments or even completely nude before, whether by accident or on purpose. Hell, you've walked in on him changing plenty of times. 

So why did the room suddenly feel hot? 

It could be that you've had a crush on the man since you were kids. There wasn't anything not to like. His personality just made you want to be around him all the time. He's sweet and kind, and has a terrible sense of humor that only you two get. You could go on and on. He was just an all-around amazing person. You were so caught up in your thoughts, that you missed the hand that was snapping in front of your face. "Hello? Are you there?" Coming back to reality, you saw Noah looking down at you with curiosity. You quickly apologized and asked him to repeat what he said. "I said it looks amazing on you. The placement is perfect and it works great with the curves of your leg." You thank him and can't help but notice just how close he's standing to you. There's a tense silence for a couple of moments, and neither of you moves from your spot. You glanced at his eyes, then his lips, but immediately looked away. 

It felt like you were a school girl again, talking to the guy you've had a crush on for ages. You heard him mumble a "Fuck it" before he leaned in and pressed his lips against yours. They were soft and tasted like wine, courtesy of the drink that led you here in the first place. You felt his hand move to rest against your cheek. His lips were gentle, almost as if he was savoring the moment, afraid it would never happen again. When the two of you finally pulled away for air, your eyes remained closed for a moment, before slowly opening them and meeting Noah's. The two of you looked at each other in pure awe before you let out a small "Woah" He laughed, and you looked down, feeling your cheeks become hot.

The thought of you being so flustered made him blush too. How was it possible for someone to be this cute? Your heart was pounding out of your chest, and you almost couldn't comprehend what just happened. "You know, for someone that always complained he was a terrible kisser, that was uh, really impressive." He could feel you now completely relaxed against him and he laughed a little, slightly embarrassed. "I'd say that I've had practice, but you already know my teddy bear in fifth grade doesn't count." The two of you laugh. Remembering his hand resting on your cheek, you look away and take a small step back. "I think we should get back to the movie. It's gotta be almost over by now, and I don't want them to yell at us for taking too long." He let out an uncomfortable laugh and muttered a "Yeah." 

You never noticed but Noah frowned slightly when you pulled away from him. He felt so comfortable being that close to you. As you turned to the door he realized something. He really liked you and didn't want this to be just a one-time thing, especially if it was going to make things weird between you afterward. He picks himself out of his thoughts just as you open the door. He walks across the room, taking your hand and silently closing the door. Standing there surprised, you ask him, "Are you okay?" It was now or never he told himself. "I'm sorry, I just..." He takes a breath before continuing. "I really want to kiss you again." You stand there just as surprised but decide to see just how far this could possibly go. "What's the problem then?" He lets go of your hand and brings his own up to hold your face. Pressing his forehead against yours, he whispers. 

"The problem is, if I kissed you, I don't think I'd be able to stop." 

He obviously likes you, right? But this is your best friend. You've known each other for years. If he did like you this much, he would've told you by now, right? You two have been affectionate towards each other before, but there's a line neither of you dared to cross. If you crossed it now, you would rather do it with no regrets. It was better than wondering what could have been. "What if I don't want you to stop?" Noah tilts your head so you're looking him in the eyes. 

"Then I won't." 

He pushes his lips against you again, this time with newfound hunger. His hands fall and grab at your waist while yours go around his neck. Your feet follow his backward and you hit the edge of the bed. He pulls you down to sit on his lap, completely forgetting your lack of pants while he pushes himself further back on the bed. His tongue runs across your bottom lip and you open your mouth allowing him in. Your hands gently tug at the now-cut-short hair on the back of his neck and he grabs at your hip hard enough to leave bruises before pulling you even closer to him. Shifting your weight a little, your lower half sits directly on his hardening cock and he groans into your mouth. He pulls his lips away only for them to move down your neck. You tug at his hair a little harder and he sucks at the tender skin that connects your neck and shoulder. A moan leaves your lips and you mindlessly grind down against him. There was nothing that could prepare you for how right this felt. Like you were seeing a whole different side of him, hidden from the outside world, and for your eyes only.

Noah moved to whisper in your ear. "Quiet baby, wouldn't want everybody to hear us, hmm?" You shake your head no, but it doesn't matter as he kisses you again. "Hey, are you guys-OH MY GOD!" The bedroom door opens to see a shocked Chris looking at the two of you. Noah pulls away from your mouth, and the two of you look like deer in headlights. "I'm going to go... quickly." Chris walks away, before coming back and closing the door. You and Noah make eye contact for a split second, before the two of you look away, slightly embarrassed that you were caught. "Maybe we should go back before someone comes in again." He clears his throat and nods. "Yeah, that's a good idea." Carefully getting off of him, you stand up and let him off the bed. You both straighten out your respective clothes, and you finally put on those shorts. 

"Are you alright?" He nods and you get ready to walk toward the door. Noah runs his fingers through his hair. "Um, Before we go, I just wanted to ask...You don't regret any of what just happened, right?" You immediately shake your head no, slightly frowning. Maybe this was all a big mistake. "Not at all. Why? Do you?" He smiles and also shakes his head no before taking your hand in his. "Nope. No regrets." A smile replaces the frown on your face. You ask "Are you ready for them to never let us live this down?" He laughs and glances at the door. "That doesn't sound like such a bad thing to me." Giving him a nod, he opens the door and the two of you walk back into the living room where the rest of your friend group is talking amongst themselves. When they hear you guys walk in, it gets silent. Noah lets go of your hand so you can sit down first, and then goes to his spot on the couch. 

Nobody said anything for the first couple of moments before Chris broke the silence. "You guys fucked in my spare bedroom..." Instantly you and Noah sat up and shook your heads. Your voice and his overlapped and both of you tried to tell your friends that technically nothing happened. Once the two of you were finished explaining, the room was silent for another couple of moments before anyone spoke. The silence was starting to make you uncomfortable, but before you could say or do anything, Ryan threw his hands up and yelled. "Fucking finally!" This breaks the tension in the room and everybody starts laughing and giving you and Noah happy looks. You even saw a couple of people passing money around. Those fuckers bet on you and Noah getting together. When the commotion has died down, another movie has started, and everybody turns their attention to the TV. As you focus your attention on the screen, your phone buzzes, and you pick it up. 

Noah

"I was thinking later we could finish what we started in the spare bedroom?"

You smile at your phone and quickly respond before setting it down.

"Well, we're still playing Hide and Seek after the movie. I'm once again not the seeker, lol. If it happens to be you, don't go easy on me. Depending on how the rest of the night plays out, you might get your wish ;)"

Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Noah readjust himself in his seat. He sends back a text almost instantly, and goosebumps litter your skin again as you read his last text.

Noah

"Oh, I won't. I like the hunt."

Nope, no regrets.

[dbnightingale24]

My Little Decoy

A StevexReaderxBucky Messy Triangle

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Another story for Patreon! So, for this one, I'm a bit anxious (when am I not?), because this definitely took off in the complete opposite direction of what I initially planned. That being said, I hope you all enjoy it!

Thank you as always to @fuckingbye for the amazing moodboard, I love you to bits for literally everything you do! I was in the middle of updating three other stories when this idea came to me, so please just work with me! (I'm so sorry I'm like this.)

Anywho, here we go!

Word Count: 34,776 (I'm not even gonna apologize anymore)

Warnings: Honestly, this entire fucking story. SMUT (MINORS DNI 18+ ONLY), Threesome, Lying, Infidelity, Emotional Cheating, Swearing, Drinking, Infertility, Family Drama, Angst, Lusting, Daddy Kink, Running Away, Tie Play, Cuff Play, Crying, Fluff, Best friends to lovers...that's all I can think of? They're honestly so many.

Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter: Don't Look So Blue, You Should've Seen Right Thru, I'm Using You, My Little Decoy

Summary: You truly do have the best intentions when you try to move on and suppress your feelings for your best friend Steve, and try to move on with Bucky. Unfortunately, life doesn't give a damn about intentions. Neither does love.

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I do not give consent/permission for my stories/works to get posted elsewhere. I do not condone this type of behavior, this is for entertainment purposes only.

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You wonder how the hell it got to this point in the first place as you lay in Steve’s soft bed sheets. What feels like it should be a quiet moment of peace is juxtaposed with your current reality; Bucky pounding on the front door and you and Steve conspiring to think of some kind- any kind- of excuse.

You truly don’t understand how it got to this. 

It all feels like it started so long ago. You didn’t even know 6 years could feel so fast, much less pass so quickly. You look around at where you are now, at Steve, as you listen to the shaking of the front door against Bucky’s fist as he continues thumping away. Fuck. What if memories lie? Maybe it is that long ago.

~~

6 Years Earlier...

“Babe, you ever had a night out in the city?” Bucky asked as you took off your gear.

Training was brutal and everyone was looking for a way to relieve stress. You knew The Avengers were all planning to meet up at some club downtown, but you had other plans. 

“I have, and as much fun as it can be, I have other plans,” you laugh as you take your hair out of the tightest ponytail you’d ever had it in. 

“Oh? What are you getting into?” Natasha laughs, making her way over with Bruce holding onto her as if he’d lose her.

“My friend’s band is playing tonight. I promised her I’d go if we finished up early enough.”

“Oh, this I gotta see!” Bruce chimes in as you laugh and shake your head. “You never let us have a peak into your personal life!”

“God, I haven’t been to a show in forever,” Natasha chimes in with raised eyebrows.

He wasn’t wrong. You played everything so close to the chest; wanting to keep those you love and care for the most safe...wanting to keep yourself safe. Since none of them were relenting (not to mention they’re the damn Avengers), you finally agreed and told them to meet you outside of your room at the compound in about two hours.

“Is it too late for me to get in on this?” Steve asks just as the group was about to disperse.

“There you are!” Bucky interjects before anyone has a chance to say anything. “Y/N is giving us a peak into her personal life! We’re all meeting at her place in two hours and going from there,” he laughs patting his best friend on the back. 

Steve looked at you with a cocked eyebrow and you just laugh and nod, giving him the ‘OK’ to tag along. Unbeknownst to the others, you and Steve hung out the most. No, he’d never been privy to your personal life, but you two spent a lot of time watching movies and listening to music together on the weekends. Occasionally, Bucky would get in on the action, but it was mainly you and Steve. You and Steve had a certain level of comfort that you didn’t have with the rest of them. It was more of an unspoken, private thing and that’s how the both of you preferred it. You both understood each other, and neither of you ever made the other feel sad or out of place for things that had gone wrong in each other’s past. You both had wounds you were still healing from, and you gave each other the space needed for that to happen. 

You’d always had a thing for Steve. He kept himself at a distance, so it was difficult for you to tell if he ever felt the same. After a while, you’d stopped trying and just accepted him as a friend. He told you that he’d wanted to go back and stay with Peggy, but he was too afraid to leave Bucky on his own again, so he’d come back instead. He wasn’t even sure if Bucky would ever be okay with being alone; Steve just stayed without asking him. It seemed like the right thing to do, and he didn’t hate the current timeline too much.

Soon enough, everyone is in your small little complex, drinking and laughing as you put together the last bit of your outfit. The thought of Steve joining all of you had you more anxious than you cared to admit, so you chalked it up to the normal anxiety of inviting your work colleagues into your personal life.

Which was more than fair.

“I’m sure you look amazing, lets go! I’m too excited for this!” Natasha hollers as she makes her way into your bedroom.

“Nat!”

“Oh, they’re all in there drinking away! You’re fine,” she laughs, closing the door behind her. “Well shit!”

“I swear to God, I’ll change right now!”

“No! You look amazing!” she promised as her hands covered her mouth. “None of us have ever seen you out of work clothes, and babe...you look amazing,” she laughs in shock. 

“Should I change? I don’t want to give anyone the wrong idea-”

“If you’re comfortable, who cares. No one wants to interfere with your personal life. I think we’re all more afraid of pushing you away,” she laughs.

“You really think it’s okay?”

“I mean, I think you’re hot as fuck,” she laughed as you rolled your eyes, “but I think you look amazing.”

“You sure?”

“Get enough alcohol in them , they won’t even notice when you leave for the bathroom,” she laughed.

Even though you laughed along with her, you knew better. James Buchanan Barnes kept his attention on you almost as well as Steve, but you never thought anything of it. It always had a more platonic feeling than with Steve, almost more familial.   

When you came out, Steve was the first to look at you. His mouth slightly agape was enough to make you wanna go back, but Bucky was quick to chime in-

“Someone is ready for a night out,” he laughed.

That’s all it took. 

Soon enough, you were taking shots and laughing with everyone else. Even Pepper and Tony were excited and joined you all. Your life was something so foreign to them, and you could tell that they all felt extremely excited that you trusted them enough. 

In all honesty, you felt more comfortable because Steve was there. You knew he’d never let anything happen to you, and you’d never let anything happen to him. If you were being completely honest, you’d only wanted to invite him out. How it spiraled, you’re still not sure but it did. It The only thing that felt off was letting him see you dressed as you were. It was weird for all of them to see you dressed as you were, but Steve couldn’t take his eyes off you.

You were in red plaid crop top, with tight fighting black jeans that hugged your hips in just the right way, and black low top heels. You put your hair in loose curls, and finished it off with eyeliner and mascara. After a brutal day of training, you really didn’t wanna spend forever doing your makeup, because you knew you’d wanna come home after everything was over and go right back to sleep. Yeah, everything was hugging your body in just the right way, but you weren’t about to change. 

You were introducing them to your life.

Before you all left, Thor filled three flasks with his mead from Asgard for himself, Steve, and Bucky and you laughed pretty damn hard.

“We wanna enjoy this night too,” he winked at you as you rolled your eyes. 

The walk was easy enough, but it felt like it took forever. People kept asking for pictures with the OG Avengers, they had a million questions, and of course they were all happy to be as kind as possible. It’s not that you minded all that much, but you really missed your best friend. Work had been kicking your ass, she had been extremely busy, and was in the middle of planning her wedding. Nights off were extremely rare, but actually getting to see her and her friends perform? It had been forever.

“You made it!” she squealed once you were finally inside the club with everyone, almost knocking you over with how hard she hugged you.

“I told you I’d show! Even if I would’ve only caught the last song,” you laughed as you hugged her back just as tight. “We still on for drinks after?”

“Fuck yes! Your tits look amazing in this top, we’re definitely getting free drinks out of it,” she beamed with a wink and you burst out laughing. “Okay, I’ve seen all of you on TV, but I still wanna officially meet everyone,” she smiled at everyone. “I’m Meg.”

As everyone went around introduced themselves, you made your way to the bar, to grab your signature Jack and Coke.

“Hell yes! You made it!” Meg’s finance, Paul, beamed as he made your drink.

“Why is everyone so shocked that I’m here?!”

“You haven’t been to a show in years!”

“Blah, blah, blah,” you muttered as you reached behind the bar and grabbed his pack of cigarettes.

“You bring the Avengers with you and you dare to steal from me?” he sneered sarcastically as he handed you your drink.

You laughed as you reached across the bar and kissed his cheek, “I’m sure our friendship will survive it.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Dude, I had no idea the place would be so packed tonight.”

“I have a feeling everyone here had a long ass Friday.” “Yeah, well they better treat my baby right.” “You two!”

He rolled his eyes as he flipped you off, “enjoy the show!”

“Thank you, Paaauuullll,” you sang out as everyone joined you.

You looked up to see Steve staring at you intently, and he quickly turned towards the stage when he realized he was caught. Before you could allow yourself to think on it or feel flattered, you heard your best friend yell from the stage as she started to make her guitar scream.

“We’re ‘Flowers of Cinnamon’, and thanks for spending your Friday night with us!”

From that moment on, you were barely paying attention to your surroundings. With the exception of your drink, you didn’t focus on anything other than your best friend rocking the fuck out. It had always just been a hobby for her, but she had always been so damn good at it. You envied how effortlessly performing came to her. The band was a cross between Paramore, The Bangles, and All Time Low, and they were just as amazing as you remembered. You wouldn’t have been able to stay still even if you’d wanted to. You sang and danced along to every song, bouncing around, and screaming your head off. You had no clue that Steve had been watching you with the biggest grin on his face, Bucky had been watching your chest bounce up and down, or that Tony had been recording your reaction to your best friend’s music, smiling so hard at your happiness.

Every other song, your best friend made eye contact with you and laughed, and nothing else seemed to matter. Thinking back on it, you wished it had, because maybe things wouldn’t have gotten so fucked up, but you were just so damn happy. The more drinks got, the more you danced and sang around, finally feeling comfortable and happy, even with your new set of friends watching you.

“Okay, this is gonna be our last song for the night,” Meg smiled into the microphone and she laughed at amount of “boos” they received. “Listen, I wanna get fucked up too!” she joked, gaining laughs from the crowd. “Okay, so tonight is extremely special because my best friend on the entire planet is here and brought her friends with her! Thanks babe! So, our last song is gonna be a cover of one of her favorite songs ever,” she winked at you as you cocked an eyebrow.

As soon as you heard the first cord of ‘Decoy’ by Paramore hum out of the speakers, you screamed so loud that everyone in your group (and Paul) started laughing. 

‘Close your eyes and make believe that this is where you wanna be

Forgetting all the memories, try to forget love cause love’s forgotten me

Well hey, hey baby, it’s never too late

Pretty soon you won’t remember a thing

All I’ll be distant, the stars reminiscing

Your heart’s been wasted on me’

You sang along so effortlessly as you started to jump up and down.

‘You’ve never been so used as I’m using you, abusing you

My little decoy

Don’t look so blue, you should’ve seen right through

I’m using you, my little decoy

My little decoy’

You linked arms with Nat, who clearly didn’t know the song, but was more than happy to sing and dance along with you. You glanced around and it made you so happy to see everyone else happy and having a good time. It’s not like you were a stick in the mud at work but, you never let loose. Even when it came to holiday and birthday parties, you were pretty damn reserved. The only person who can claim that they’ve seen you fucked up is Steve, and even then it was just you being wine drunk on the sofa while you two listened to albums and discussed work.

No, this was you letting lose and everyone accepting it. Accepting you. You looked over at Steve and he a look of pure love and adoration in his eyes, and it made your heart swell. 

God, you wished you would’ve paid more attention to the way both he and Bucky looked at you that night, but you were just so damn happy and having so much fun.

If you could turn back time...

“Am I still okay at singing?” Meg asked once she finally made her way over to all of you.

“Dude, you’re still fucking amazing!” you beamed as you wrapped her in a tight hug and she laughed. “That was so good! Thank you for playing ‘Decoy’, almost making me cry!”

“Aha!” she teased before she looked at everyone else. “What about Earth’s mightiest heroes? Were you all able to tolerate it?”

“That was amazing,” Tony laughed, Pepper nodding in agreement.

“Why don’t you do this full time?” Nat asked as you waived Paul down and got another drink for both you and Meg.

“If I did this full time, I’d be so stressed all the damn time,” Meg laughed, “I’m much happier painting.”

“What do you paint? Do you have a studio?” Clint inquired and a smile came to your face.

Things were going better than you could have ever imagined. 

As everyone got acquainted, you snuck to have a smoke. A few moments later, a smile came to your face when you saw Steve come out after you.

“You said you’re quitting those,” he nodded towards the cigarette in your hand. 

“I stole Paul’s,” you laughed, standing a little further from him so as to not get the smoke in his face. 

“I can handle it,” he laughed as he placed his black leather jacket on you. “You’re pretty...exposed and I don’t want you getting cold.”

“Well, aren’t you just the sweetest man?” you teased before you inhaled your cancer stick. “Who else knows about this? I’ll call the ‘New York Times’” He snickered as he shook his head, “quiet you.”

“Are you having fun tonight?”

“I am, I like you seeing like this.”

You scoffed, “crazy?” “Happy...content. Secure.”

You felt your cheeks heat up at his words, and the look he gave you along with it, had butterflies appearing in your stomach.

“We should get back inside,” you smiled at up at him as you ashed the last of your cigarette and threw it in the nearby trash bin. 

And maybe that’s when it started.

You just missed all the signs that night, because you were convinced Steve didn’t want you.

He convinced you he didn’t want you. 

When the two of you got back inside, Paul had just finished up his shift and the guys had finished helping Meg back up her equipment which she had decided to lock up in the manager’s office for the night. 

“Dancing! We need dancing!” she whined once her eyes landed on you.

“Hell yeah we do,” you laughed as you linked arms with both her and Nat.

Once again, you didn’t notice the way Bucky ogled you or the way Steve kept a close eye on you. When you all reached the next bar, you instantly ordered more drinks and pulled Nat and Meg onto the dance floor with you, still wearing Steve’s coat. He leaned against the bar, talking with Tony and Pepper, but still kept an eye on you. As Janet Jackson’s voiced filled the giant building, you danced around with the biggest smile on your face (at some point Meg had put her sunglasses on your face), smiling and waiving at Bucky when you saw his eyes glued to you.

Well, glues to your ass.

By the time everyone was ready to call it a night, you were drunk as shit.

“You’re not coming back to the compound?” Nat asked as she stumbled out after you.

“Nah, I wanna sleep in my own space tonight. It’s closer,” you giggled as you started giving out hugs.

“I can take you,” Bucky offered with a slick grin.

“I can take her, she’s on the way to my house,” Steve countered, and Meg cocked an eyebrow at you.

You just started dancing and walking. 

“Goodnight everyone! Get home safe! I love you all!”

You were drunk, tired, and in no mood to figure out whatever that was about. You just wanted to go home and get in your bed. You honestly don’t know why you didn’t go back to the compound that night, but it just felt right to go to your own home. You already spent so little time there to begin with. A few moments later, you heard the hurried footsteps of someone behind you, but you kept looking ahead.

“You’re impatient when you’re drunk,” Steve laughed as he came up beside you.

A small smile came to your face at the fact that Steve was the one to walk you home.

You giggled as you leaned into him, “my feet hurt.”

No sooner than you said it, he scooped you up.

“Steve!”

“You weigh nothing, don’t worry about it, darlin.” “It’s a 30 minute walk!” 

“I’m very well aware of where your apartment is.” “Steve-”

“Hush.”

You pouted but did as you were told, leaned into him, and took in the scent that was all his own. Something between woodsy and fresh cut grass. In your drunken state, he felt like home.

“Why didn’t you want Bucky to take me home?” you asked after a few moments, not missing the way he stiffened a bit.

“He’s a little buzzed and he gets a little handsy and flirty at times. I didn’t want him to bother you.” You giggled as you took in more of his scent, “you’re literally carrying me, Steve.” “You said your feet hurt.” “Are you a little buzzed?”

“I definitely don’t feel sober,” he chuckled softly and you softly sighed at the comfort of rumble in his chest.

“Do you wanna sleepover?”

“I’ll order a car service once I drop you off.”

“Why not order one now?”

“It was weird...everyone hanging out tonight. I feel like we haven’t hung out alone together in a while.” “Then why not sleepover?”

“Cause I should go home. I don’t wanna accidentally wake you up or something. You worked hard today and you need rest.” “So did you.” “Y/N.” “You’re so weird sometimes, Steve,” you huffed as you laced your hand with his.

“What are you doing?”

“Holding your hand like I’ve done a million times before. What’s wrong?” “Nothing.”

You rolled your eyes and mumbled, “alright weirdo.” “I’m not being weird.”

“You’re not being normal.”

He let out a frustrated huff, “did you have fun tonight?”

“So much fun, I’m so happy you came out.”

“I’ve missed you, darlin.” “I’ve missed you too. Steve?”

“Hmm?”

“Sleepover.”

“Y/N-” “See? You are being weird. You’ve slept over my place a ton before, in my bed, and it wasn’t weird. What’s so different about tonight?”

He muttered, “so many things.” “Like what?”

“It’s just been a long night.”

“Fine, whatever. Go home, see if I give a fuck.” “Hey!”

“You’re being weird and you won’t tell me why. You know I hate when you do that shit.”

“I just think I should sleep in my own bed, darlin’. I’m not trying to be weird or make you upset.”

He sounded so strained and you couldn’t read his facial expression, so you couldn’t see how torn up he was. You couldn’t tell how much he was at war with himself.

You couldn’t tell how much he wanted you.

He chuckled when you didn’t say anything, “don’t get quiet on me now.”

“Can you at least stay until I fall asleep? It won’t take long.” “Everything okay, darlin’?”

“Yeah Steve, I just miss you,” you confessed softly. 

“We’ll do a sleepover tomorrow, alright? We’ll have it at my house.” “Fine.” “Don’t be upset.” “I don’t care.” “You’re also a giant brat when you’re drunk.” “You’re saying that you miss me, but won’t spend time with me!”

God, you sounded like a brat to your own ears. That was a huge part as to why you’d never let him see you so inebriated. It’s why you never wanted anyone from The Avengers (or S.H.I.E.L.D for that matter) to see you so drunk. It became harder for you to suppress your feelings for Steve, and he’s all you wanted when you were drunk. For reasons unknown to you (at the time), Steve wanted to go home. That should’ve been enough, but your drunk wanted to hold him all night. 

You were going out of your way to start an argument. 

He let out a heavy sigh as he reached your complex, “I’ll stay-”

“Don’t do me any fucking favors-” “Will stop arguing with me? And stop with swearing, you know I hate it.” “Well maybe I hate you.”

He scoffed hard at that, “no you don’t.”

“You don’t know that-”

“Yes I do, so stop saying it. I’ll stay, okay?”

“And you’ll sleep next to me?”

“Yes darlin’, I will sleep next to you.”

You pressed a soft kiss to his neck and you felt his grip on you get tighter, “thank you, Steve!”

“Anything for you, sweetheart.”

That night, he was good to his word and slept next to you, letting use his chest as a pillow and you were asleep almost instantly. The next day, he was back to normal and you didn’t think anything of his behavior from the previous night. You had no reason to. However, from that day on, things did slowly start to change more. 

It started with Bucky coming around more, especially when Steve was with you. You couldn’t sense it, because has always been entirely too good at hiding his emotions, but he slowly became frustrated. So much that he basically stopped coming around all together. 

“Hey, are you busy?” you asked timidly as you approached his office one day.

“Yeah, unfortunately.” “Oh...okay then-”

“What’s wrong?”

“No, you’re busy and I don’t wanna take up your time...”

You could feel your eyes welling up and didn’t know why. Steve always had a way of making you so damn soft and vulnerable, and you truly hated it.

You still hate it. 

“Darlin’-” “Please stop calling me that. The guy who started calling me that doesn’t seem to exist anymore. If he does, he’s making sure to stay away from me.”

“He still exists-” “Then what’s going on? Why are you staying away from me?”

He sighed as he threw down his pen, “nothing-”

“Alright, if you’re just gonna lie to me-” “I’m not lying!”

“Steve, you saw me walking with Bucky yesterday and literally turned in the other direction and walked away.” “You guys are just hanging out a lot now and I don’t wanna third wheel-” “You wouldn’t third wheeling! We’re just friends!”

“Y/N...” “Steve, why are you just abandoning me? You’re the one I’m closest to and you know that. You’ve always known that,” you sobbed as you closed the door behind you.

“Please don’t cry-” “Then why are you abandoning me?! What did I do wrong?!”

“Nothing-”

“Then what the fuck?! You’ve been acting so strange, but you’re saying I haven’t done anything! If I didn’t do anything, what the fuck is going on with you?!”

He let out another frustrated sigh and just stared at you, clearly at war with himself.

“Fuck this and fuck you, I give up,” you sobbed as you dried your eyes. 

“Darlin’”

“Stop calling me that! I’m just Y/N and you’re just Steve. I can’t do this with you anymore!”

After you stormed out, things only got worse, because you’d never felt so low and alone in your life. Unless it had to do with a mission or training, you barely even looked his way. The farther you got away from Steve, the more Bucky swooped in. In fact, the more you look at how everything happened, you realize that things wouldn’t have gotten so bad if you’d just shut things down with the both of them. 

However, it’s not as if thinking with a broken heart ever lead to a good thing. 

You cried a lot and Bucky was just there for you. He was sweet, he listened, and let you keep your secrets. Sure, he asked what happened between you and Steve (everyone was), but he dropped it when you told him you wouldn’t be talking about it.

You can’t explain what you don’t know. 

“Hey doll, we’re goin’ out tonight. You wanna come? Invite Meg!” Bucky asked one night after you let him in your apartment on the compound.

“Nah, I’ve got a hot date with a black and white French film and a few glasses of wine,” you smiled weakly.

“You can’t stay in here forever.”

“I don’t. Sometimes I go home.” “Babe-”

“I just wanna stay in, Buck,” you sighed as someone else knocked on your door. “I guess I’m just the most popular girl in the world.”

When you opened it the second time, Steve stood there looking just as upset as you felt. Instead of even trying to attempt to hear him out, a rage flared up inside you and you had to force yourself to not shove him. As far as you were concerned, he had a lot of fucking nerve to show up at your place after all the shit that happened in his office. 

“What?”

“I wanted to know if you’re coming out tonight-”

“No.”

“Well, can I come in and we can talk? I know I owe you an explanation-”

“I don’t want an explanation anymore, Steve,” you lied harshly, “I just want you to leave me alone. I stood in your office and cried like a fucking dumbass...that was a month ago. Now you wanna talk? Just leave things as they are.”

You truly wish you hadn’t spoken out of anger because none of it was true. You cried over him whenever you were alone, you missed hanging out with him, you missed falling asleep next to him...you missed Steve. Your Steve.

You’ve always been a hot head. 

“Darlin-” “What have I told you about that?” “Y/N, just give me a few minutes-”

“No, go away. Unless it has to do with work, we don’t have anything to talk about.” “You don’t mean that,” he more pleaded than told you.

“I’ve never meant it more!”

“Y/N-”

Bucky sighed as he came up behind you, “she just needs to cool off, Pal.”

If you hadn’t been so upset and hurt you would’ve laughed at how wide Steve’s eyes got.

“We’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”

“I thought you were coming out. It was your idea in the first damn place,” Steve snapped.

“I don’t wanna leave Y/N while she’s this upset. She shouldn’t be alone right now.”

Steve opened his mouth to say something, but all that happened was he clenched his jaw and looked away before he stormed off, punching the wall on his way out.

You should’ve spoken to him. You should’ve gone after him. Instead you pushed past Bucky and made yourself your first glass of wine of the night.

“Babe-”

“Buck, if you’re gonna stay here tonight, please no lectures. I just wanna be upset, okay?”

He just nodded solemnly, “I get it. No lectures, just drinks and weird French movies,” he smirked and you quietly laughed. 

Here’s the thing: it’s not that you never found Bucky attractive, you just never thought about him. You were always thinking about Steve. However, at that time, thinking about Steve brought you too much pain and you didn’t want to feel anymore pain for a while. You just wanted to feel numb. You’d rather have nothing, the void, than hold onto the pain Steve’s brought on. 

You rested your legs on him when he sat next to you, not thinking anything of it. When he started stroking your leg after the third glass of wine, you still didn’t think anything of it. You only started to pick up on his actions when he squeezed your thigh a little.

“Buck?”

“Yeah doll?” “What are you doing?”

“Trying to help you relax and feel better.”

“Buck-”

“I’ve never seen you this upset, babe. I just wanna help.”

The thought and the offer were tempting. You couldn’t remember the last time you had gotten off to something other than your vibrator. Of course you’d made subtle advances towards Steve, but he’d clearly turned you down. Plus, the women around the compound did talk. While Bucky had a reputation for being a skirt chaser, he also had a reputation for wearing women out in the best way.

It’s not like you were looking for anything. You just wanted to forget for awhile. 

He tested the waters a bit more by sliding his hand further up your leg, waiting to see how you’d respond. 

You placed your wine glass on the ground and opened your legs for him a bit, “you just wanna make me feel better?”

“So fuckin’ good, doll,” he husked, as he reached between your legs and easily ripped your panties off, “just lay back and enjoy, baby.”

His movements were slow, but his kisses were desperate. It felt good, but off. Not to mention you felt more guilty with every kiss he gave you, like you were betraying Steve.

‘Fuck Steve,’ you told yourself mentally, ‘he had his chance and he clearly didn’t want it.’

You closed your eyes in a vain attempt to shut out any thoughts of Steve, but that only made his face come to mind. You let out a sound between a moan and a frustrated grunt as you pulled Bucky’s hair.

“Please!”

“Tell me how bad you want it,” he smirked, his hot breath lapped at your pussy.

“So fucking bad, please! Need it!”

“Love seeing you like this,” he cooed, before he dipped down and dove in and his lewd moans filled the room.

This was the moment Bucky became your “decoy”. You didn’t want him in the same way he wanted you, but part of you felt like he didn’t actually give a shit. Since he’d lost Nat to Bruce, Bucky wasn’t ever really looking for a relationship. He liked to play around, entertain a woman (or two) for a few months, then he’d move on. As far as you were concerned, that night was only supposed to be a one time thing. 

“F-fuck!” you moaned, doing your best to be in the moment as you lulled your head back while he fucked you with his tongue and massaged your clit with his thumb. “Feels so good, Buck!”

You weren’t lying completely. It’s not as if Bucky was bad at eating you out, he just wasn’t the one you wanted doing it. 

You felt him smirk against your folds, and started to grind your pussy against his face, forcing yourself to focus on all the pleasure you felt instead of everything else.

‘Steve doesn’t want you. Steve doesn’t want you. Stop thinking about Steve!’ you told yourself mentally.

When he switched up and started sucking on your clit, he easily pressed two fingers into your soaked folds. You felt the knot in your core tighten and snap.

“FUCK!” you cried out as you came hard and a few tears escaped your eyes.

You hated how the tears weren’t from pleasure, but you masked it well enough as he fucked you through your high.

“Take off that fuckin’ shirt, baby. Let me fuckin’ see you,” he husked as he took off his own shirt and started to undo his jeans. 

You were quick to do as he said, taking all of him as you ignored how uncomfortable you felt being so bare beneath him as his mouth glistened with your juices.

You were doing this to feel better, so why weren’t you feeling any better?

“Waited so fuckin’ long, baby,” he groaned as he dipped down and worshiped each of your breasts while his thumb made little circles on your clit.

“Bucky!”

“I know baby, I’m gonna take care of you, gonna take such good care of you,” he moaned before you felt his tongue on the side of your neck, licking up little beads of sweat. 

You took a deep breath and told yourself you wanted it as you felt him at your entrance. You wanted Bucky. You just needed to let yourself relax.

“Jesus, you’re fuckin’ tight!” he grunted as he pushed into you.

“Oh fuck!”

“I know you can take me, baby! Your wet little pussy is squeezing me so tight, baby!” “Please don’t stop,” you whimpered as you wrapped a leg around his waist, trying to hang on to him as he fucked into you hard and fast.

You wanted this. You agreed to this.

He pushed himself up with his metal arm and looked down at you adoringly, “wanted you for so long, doll. Waited for...ah fuck!”

To avoid feeling anymore guilt, you wrapped an arm around him to pull him close and kissed him passionately, moaning into his mouth when you felt him fill you to the brim. He rode out both your highs before he rested his forehead against yours.

“So good, baby. You tired?” he asked, breath still coming heavy.

You just closed your eyes and shook your head no.

“Good girl.”

Bucky kept at it for a while, not feeling any real pleasure until he brought you off (which you had to fake half the time). There was nothing wrong with him. You found him attractive, and you knew that he wanted you, but it just wasn’t what you wanted. All of it felt so hollow and emotionless on your end. You felt like you were acting and Bucky was working his ass off to please you; to make matters worse, your phone kept going off and you knew who it was.

Steve would’ve hated you if he knew what you were doing and who with, but a part of you felt like he already did. When you both were done, Bucky was a gentleman. He pulled your shirt over your head, carried you to bed, and held you close until you both fell asleep.

You didn’t cry until the next day when you woke up alone in an empty apartment. You ignored calls from both Bucky and Steve, and eventually Bucky was the only one texting you.

Something in you knew that Bucky had confirmed his suspicions, and you just knew he was furious. You and Steve both knew Bucky wasn’t a bad guy, he was just a player and Steve never wanted that for you. 

Eventually you cracked and called Meg, and cried while you told her everything. 

“Well...fuck,” she muttered once you finally got everything out. “Are you sure Steve knows?”

“His calls and texts were incessant until they weren’t. He hasn’t done either in the last 3 hours.”

“Oh yeah no, he definitely fucking knows. Bucky?”

“Bucky went from every 30 minutes to every other hour.”

“Well, what’s wrong with him?” “Nothing...”

“Except?” 

“He’s not Steve.”

“Yeah, but Steve passed up on you, and he was kind of a dick about it. He waited a month until after the office situation? You’ve been showing him your available for how many years? I know you love him, but-”

“I don’t love him.”

“Yeah, cause that’s you’re crying to me about him instead of the skirt chaser that fucked your brains out?”

“Meg.”

“I’m not being insensitive, I’m being honest. Bucky was there last night, clearly wanted you, was with you all night, and all you could think about was Steve. Today, even though Bucky is still texting you, you’re more upset that Steve isn’t because you know he knows. If I were you, I’d be more worried about the guy that’s used to fucking around breaking my heart, than the guy who isn’t,” she sighed.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Steve had his chance, I need to let him go. I’ve been in my room crying all day...I have to stop.”

“Can you?”

“I don’t have much of a choice do I?”

“Babe, if you could end up with Steve, I’d prefer that, but that’s not really an option. Even if he came back, he gave you the run around for a bit. Just focus on you for now and what you want. You always want to make others happy, and you need to focus on you.”

“You’re right. I know you’re right.”

“Do you need me to come over?”

“No, being alone is good for me right now.”

“Alright, I love you, Y/N. It’s gonna be okay.”

You let out a heavy sigh as you sobbed, “I love you,” and hung up.

You ignored Bucky for the rest of the day, feeling guilty about it, but knowing it was for the best. You’d done enough wrong and you truly did need to focus on you and what you wanted.

However, before you fell asleep, you broke down and checked all your texts from Steve.

O Captain, My Captain: Darlin, please just talk to me. I’m so sorry.

O Captain, My Captain: I’m not going out tonight, please just answer me.

O Captain, My Captain: Don’t do anything with Bucky. He’s my best friend, but he’s not worthy of you. He won’t treat you right and you know that.

O Captain, My Captain: Please just answer me.

O Captain, My Captain: If I could take back my actions, I would. I’m so sorry. If you’d just talk to me, I’d be able to make you understand.

O Captain, My Captain: Please talk to me. I miss you so much.

O Captain, My Captain: I’m going to sleep, but give me a call whenever.

O Captain, My Captain: Seriously? All night and you’re still not talking to me?

O Captain, My Captain: Baby, please just talk to me. We’ve never gone this long without talking, and I fucking hate it.

O Captain, My Captain: Y/N...please.

O Captain, My Captain: Bucky just left. You’ve made yourself loud and clear, and fine. I got it.

O Captain, My Captain: Do whatever the fuck you want.

When you woke up the following day, you had the biggest headache from crying, and the last thing you felt like doing was facing either of them. You had a job to do though, and criminals didn’t stop being criminals just because you had a broken heart. Even though you were slower to dress than usual, you were still on time for training, and God, it was brutal.

Bucky kept looking at you, Steve wouldn’t even look your way, and you couldn’t focus. You’d never had a day so bad, and all you wanted was to crawl back into bed. During the meeting after, you just leaned against the wall, barely listening to anything Nick had to say. The one time you bothered to look up, you looked over at Steve and was glaring at you. 

God, you really fucking hated yourself. 

“Doll, wait up!” Bucky called after you once the meeting was over.

You’d practically run out of the room.

“Bucky, I really just want-”

“What did I do wrong?” he breathed once he caught up to you. “Everything seemed fine on Saturday, I thought we both enjoyed it.”

You didn’t miss the way Steve quietly scoffed as he walked past the both of you.

“Bucky, I just-”

“Did I hurt you? What...I really like you, Y/N. I have for a while and I just...was I too eager?”

You honestly hadn’t expected that.

“Wait...what?”

“I never said anything, because I thought you and Steve had a thing going, but that’s clearly not happening. You were just so upset on Saturday and I wanted to make you happy, and I’ve wanted you for so long...what did I do?”

Trash. You felt like absolute trash.

“I need to get to my room.” “Y/N-”

“Just...I’ll talk to you later, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong, I promise. I just have a lot going on in my head. I just need to be by myself for a while.”

“Please just-”

“I’ll talk to you later, okay? I’m sorry.”

~~

You can read the rest here.

[knockoffheart]

newest member of the seven (2/6)

summary: a one on one with maeve, gaining homelander’s approval, you’re killing it!

warnings: it’s a “The Boys” fanfic… blood, gore, swearing, nudity, etc. Intended for 18+ ONLY, this chapter contains no smut. ALSO i write for myself and am low key new to writing so lower all expectations. <3

before you read: this story is written in second person, she/her pronouns are used, reader has female genitalia and identifies as female. the character is never referred to by name , but is a supe called “Replicate”, she has power-copying abilities.

“Sorry for what? That I’m possibly spending my last night alive crying on the kitchen floor?” You sigh, leaning into her palm.

“Maybe sorry that my super strength ruined your fridge and that pretty painting you have hanging up?” Maeve gave a weary smile.

You let out a laugh, “Now I’ll have to drink warm beer and stare at vandalism when I try to go to sleep.” The two of you stare at each other for a moment, it looks like she wants to say something, but she never spoke. You decided to instead.

“Why would he want to kill me? What did I even do?”.

“He’s… possessive. Insecure.” she shuffles uncomfortably. Though normally quite straightforward, she couldn’t get herself to tell you the truth. He can tell you have a crush on me. She feels a warm, tingling realization in herself and quickly pulls her hand away from your cheek. Pull yourself together, you’re gonna get her killed.

“Is this why everybody but Starlight has been a fucking asshole to me?” you blurt.

“ I wish the answer was yes,” she grabs two of the beer bottles that had fallen to the floor. She opens them and hands one to you. “I thought if I ignored you, you’d quit. You’d go back to whatever city you came from and I’d never have to see you again”. You stare at her and make a face.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” You take a swig of your beer.

“I wasn’t finished—I didn’t want you getting hurt, or.. killed. I thought if I ignored you, so would Homelander. And he did, up until now. He’s jealous of how quickly America has fallen for you, how everyone has…”. Her eyes meet yours, “Look, when we were recruiting you I could tell just how good you were… strong, smart, charismatic, beautiful-” she stops herself, faces forward, and finishes the rest of her beer. Her face tickled red with blush. “I didn’t want him to destroy that. Destroy you.”

“What about the others?” you scoot closer to her and rest your head on her bare shoulder. You could smell her perfume, some luxury brand’s vanilla scent you guessed. You lean in closer and sip your drink. She rests her head on top of yours and sighs.

“I told Deep if he touched you… I’d kill him. And A-Train.. he is just an asshole.” The two of you shared a laugh. You finished your beer and she set it aside for you. Your pinky grazed her hand before you finally got the courage to hold it. Your hand was barely touching hers, scared of your newfound strength. She smiled somberly and squeezed your hand. You turned to face her and reached to hold both of her hands, staring at her head on.

“Do you think he’s really going to kill me?”.

“I don’t know. That’s why you need to leave. Tonight. Please.” she brought your hands to her mouth, you could feel her breath blowing across your fingers. She pressed a small kiss into your hand, and began to stand and leave. You were left on your knees, staring up at her.

“Please.” was the last thing she said before she disappeared into the elevator. You remained on the floor, finally letting your tears free. Choking back sobs you rose, slightly unstable and headed towards the shower.

-

You pampered yourself with all the products Vought had provided in your suite, taking extra care to remove all the glitter from the earlier interview. ‘I’m just their fucking circus animal.’ You scrub your face harder at the thought, then shut off the water, snapping the handle in the process. “Fuck off.” you muttered as you drop the hunk of metal onto the shower floor. You step out and grab a towel. The softness of it grounds you for a minute, but when you look into the mirror and meet your own eyes the image of the ad from before flashes in your mind. ‘You’re just a DOLL! A NEW TOY VOUGHT LOVES TO PLAY WITH!’ White hot rage floods your vision as your thoughts continued to race. When you came to, the mirror was shattered and shards covered the counter. You huffed and went to put on your nightwear.

Anger still boiling inside, you grab the TV remote and power it on. A re-run of a recent Homelander interview is playing.

“How about the newest member of the Seven, Replicate, I mean she’s been blowing up on social media everywhere! Tell me, what is it like working along side her?” the too-chummy interviewer asked.

“Well. I haven’t personally been on any missions with her but I’m sure she’ll be a great teammate when she has time in her schedule — I mean a new show takes a lot out of a person.” Homelander commented, his hands gripped tightly onto his thighs.

“Any spoilers you can hint to, Homelander Does she copy your powers? A-Trains? Noirs?!”

“Hah..” he was tense, “ I’d like to see her try.” He jokingly punched the reporters arm.

The interview continued but all you could hear was a ringing in your ears, your fist clenched and unclenched before you let out a guttural growl, screaming and soaring your fist through the wall. Over and over again, unrelenting, you only stop when there is nothing left to hit.

“Fuck you.” you spit, glaring back the the TV which was now playing an ad for The Deep’s newest audio book.

Try to fucking kill me, asshole. You shook the drywall off your fist and laid down in your bed, passing out from exhaustion at some point.

-

You wake up, gasping. The first hints of sunrise trickling in through your window. Your bedroom looks like the aftermath of a frat party, groaning you get ready for the meeting. You’re ready to face Homelander and whatever shit he was about to put you through, but your hand still trembles as you go to put on mascara. Recollecting the sensations, smells, and images from last night sent a wave of adrenaline throughout your body. Jesus… c’mon pull yourself together. You try to push the thoughts of Maeve to the back of your mind, promising yourself you’d revisit them later — if you survive.

You are the second member to arrive at the meeting table. The Deep is there, sat awkwardly in his chair. He stares you down. You take the seat farthest away from him and sit with your legs crossed, looking around at all the things you’ve only caught glances of. The Deep clears his throat and shuffles in his seat.

“So you finally got the green light? About time. I figured you were always too busy doing girl shit. Brushing your hair or whatever.” He huffs and rolls his eyes.

Stunning intellect. Smiling, you reply, “Homelander invited me last night, we had a great chat. I hope you finally start to see me as one of you. I feel lucky to be in a room with such talented heros.”

He titters, intrigued by your mentioning of Homelander and the not so subtle boost of his ego. He rises from his seat and starts to cross towards you.

“You know… I could always help you train sometime. Just the two of-“. He’s cut off by the sound of a throat clearing. You both turn towards the door, Maeve enters with her eyes staring daggers at the man next to you.

“Woah! Chill… Not touching her!” he raises his hands up defensively and sulks back to his seat. A-Train and Black Noir enter shortly after. She takes the seat next to you, and turns her harsh gaze to you.

“What the fuck are you doing?” She rasps.

“I-“

“Ahh - Replicate so glad to see you could make it. It’s about time you joined us, I mean you are one of the Seven after all.” Homelander’s voice booms through the meeting room.

Starlight enters in the middle of his speech. Your eyes meet briefly as she takes her seat. She instantly turns towards Maeve. She furrows her brows and subtly motions to you. Maeve gives no response and crosses her arms, eyes now watching Homelander’s every move.

You stand, “Thank you, Homelander. I’m truly honored to serve.” You place your hands over your heart and sit back down. Worm your way in. Worm your way in. If you could get him to believe you were truly submissive to him, you might get out of this unharmed.

“As you all know, someone has been supplying our enemies with Compound V. Temp V specifically, which is being made solely here in this tower. In our own Vought Tech labs.” He puts his arms behind his back and leans on the balls of his feet, “Which, sadly, means it’s most likely an inside job. I mean, how could someone betray me like that — us like that?” He shakes his head and scans across the table, eyes eventually meeting yours.

“Replicate, for your first mission, I want you to find this traitor and eliminate them. You’d be doing something none of the other members could accomplish. I know you won’t let me down.” He clasps his hands together and smiles, “Of course you’ll be granted access to any supe’s power you need to get your grubby little hands on, you’ve been granted access to the labs — go wild!” He tosses a flash drive to you. “Meeting dismissed.”

>back

>next

[jasntodds]

Petrichor [19]

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader (little bit of fwb)

Words: 12,542

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, angst, blood, mention of abuse, mention of manipulation, mentions of death, mentions of canon characters deaths, mentions of drug use

Summary: ❝Pylades: I’ll take care of you. Orestes: It’s rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.❞

Gotham is home, not just for Jason but for you, too. And now that you’re both finally back home, together, you’re ready to see where this next chapter brings the two of you. He’s your best friend and you’re his. And you both might want a little something more with being back home, the place you both feel most comfortable. Surely, nothing could possibly go wrong now.

A/N: We're almost done with season 3 and I am so excited!! You're all gonna hate me later lmao (again happy ending, promise) I have so many plans lol You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary  and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

You, Gar, and Rachel are sitting around the Lazurus Pit. Rachel has just finished giving Gar a pep talk about how she's able to do what she does out of love. Gar has been feeling a little bit like a letdown, unable to transform into different animals on command like he can as a tiger. The only times it's happened is when he's terrified, as if there's a block of fear in his head keeping him from transforming into anything else. You stay silent. You don't think Rachel is wrong. Gar could definitely change into other animals beyond being scared and maybe the answer is the love he has for all of the Titans and the love everyone has for him because everyone believes him. But, you're still stuck in your head wondering if that's always enough.

Right now, love doesn't seem like the thing that heals all wounds and makes everything better. It wasn't enough to keep Jason safe. It wasn't enough to keep him out of Crane's grasp. It wasn't enough to get Bruce to kill the Joker before he had his chance. It wasn't enough to bring Jason home. It wasn't enough for Rachel to bring Donna back. It wasn't enough for Sam to bring Jason back. It wasn't enough to keep the Titans at the tower. There have been so many things, especially lately, where it's just not been enough. Sometimes it's not enough so instead of being pessimistic about it, you stay quiet, looking at the pit and hoping it spits Dick out.

"You're quiet." Gar states, moving his attention to you.

"Oh, yeah." You shake your head, glancing back at him. "Just...waiting." You look back at Rachel. There's no guarantee this is going to work. You need another plan if it doesn't. You need another plan if it takes too long. "Do you think you could find the other Titans? Like...at some point tonight?"

"Yeah." Rachel nods her head. "I can feel their energy, too." Rachel's voice is soft.

"Well, that's good at least. Kory will know what to do." You let out a sigh, moving your stare back to the Pit.

"You don't think this is gonna work, do you?" Rachel asks.

"I don't know." You shrug. "I'm just trying to think ahead in case it doesn't or in case it takes a while. I mean, for all we know it takes a few days." You state just as the put starts bubbling. "Or...a few hours." You mutter as the three of you get to your feet, looking into the pit just as Dick's fist punches through the surface and he emerges from the thick and glowing liquid.

Dick starts to swim to the edge while you and Gar quickly meet him there to help pull him out. You both grab his arms, pulling at him until he's out of the pit and leaning back on his hands. He coughs up water just as Rachel kneels down beside him, you and Gar getting back to your feet. You and Gar exchange a look of disbelief as hope has the courage to start to fill your chests.

"Dick?" Rachel asks.

Dick manages to look at her, furrowing his brows in confusion before he falls back onto his back and passes out. Rachel looks back to Gar and you, as if one of you will know what just happened.

"What do we do?" Rachel asks.

"Is he breathing?" Gar asks with hesitance.

The three of you see Dick's chest rising and falling. This whole thing has been weird and it almost seemed like he drowned. Is there supposed to be more to do this? Or is he supposed to just...sleep off the effects and then he's just alive again? The three of you are completely confused by the entire situation.

"Yes." Rachel states.

"I guess we wait some more?" You question. "He's breathing so that's better than the alternative." You shrug your shoulders, wishing you would have pressed Jason to get some answers from Crane about him coming back.

But then Dick snaps back out of it, gasping himself awake as he shoots up. You and Gar both jump back slightly at the sudden movement and sound as if Dick is jumpscare in a bad horror movie.

"Rachel?" Dick gasps for breath, looking more confused than ever. "Gar?" Dick rushes, getting onto one knee. "Y/n?" Dick questions looking to you.

The last thing he remembers to be real is you and Jason kneeling above him, looking lost and panicked. Then there was everything in the pit which only leaves him with far more questions than answers, none of which he has time to get answers to right now. The Pit told him everything he needs to know to take down Crane. That's all that can matter right now if you're all going to save Gotham. He can deal with the rest later.

"It's okay now. You're safe." Rachel assures him. "Let us help you."

"Are you...alright?" Gar asks with worry.

"Yeah, dude. You like...died." You state with the scrunch of your nose, earning a light nudge from Gar.

"What...what happened down there?" Gar asks.

Dick breathes heavily, catching his breath and then completely avoids the question. "Crane can be stopped." Dick states, running a hand through his hair. "There's still time." Dick rushes, getting to his feet.

Dick starts to walk towards the exit as Rachel gets to her feet. He cannot possibly be serious. He just died and drowned and now he's just...going to stop Crane. Suddenly he has all the answers and he's going to go off on his own? He can barely even catch his breath.

"Wait. Dick, man, you need to rest." Gar rushes after him, the three of you right on Dick's heels.

Dick turns around, barely facing the three of them. "Anton and First Street. There's an abandoned control room. Find Conner. Make sure he's okay. Unite the Titans." Dick states in a hurry. "Y/n, with me, let's go." Dick rushes before he turns on his heels and starts darting down the hallway.

"Unite the Titans where?" Rachel calls after him.

"Take them to Donna." Dick states, not slowing down or stopping as he makes his way down the tunnel.

The three of you look between each other in confusion, trying to grasp any sort of explanation to no avail. Donna is supposed to be dead, according to Rachel. And he was in a Pit?

Dick calls your name from down the hall, his voice echoing over the bricks.

You shrug at the two of them. "Uh...alright. Good luck with that, I guess? I'll make sure he's not fucking insane." You state quickly, spinning on your heels before you jog down the hall to catch up to Dick.

You catch up to Dick who is walking a steady and quick pace, his head clearly thinking a hundred steps ahead. You eye him as you match his pace, walking right beside him. He just died? And then came back to life? There is no way in hell this man is just...fine with that. Of course, there are a lot of other things you all need to focus on, especially with him somehow knowing Crane can be stopped. There are more pressing matters than Dick's mental state at this exact point in time but that doesn't bring you any type of ease.

No one should die and then just be fine.

Jason sure as shit isn't. So, Dick can't be either.

Sam follows Dick out of the building, keeping up with him.

"We're going to meet Jason." Dick states flatly once the two of you exit the building.

"We're gonna what now?" You question, shaking your head. "And how do you expect we even find him?"

"He'll be here." Dick states, a confidence that should be reassuring consumes his voice.

How is he so sure about everything all of a sudden? The Lazarus Pit brings people back, and heals them, but...it can't possibly predict the future right? But, Dick also just said Donna is alive which means...if that's actually true the pit brings more than life back to someone. It brings some sort of clarity for things they otherwise shouldn't know. But if he's wrong that just means it's made him crazy which also means the pit did have some sort of lasting effect on Jason, too. This can't be good.

"How do you even know that?" You question, trying to figure out what is actually going on. If anything, he needs to slow down.

"He'll always go back to where it happened." Dick states.

What?

Your face scrunches in both annoyance and more confusion. You did this round-and-round question game with Jason, you're not doing it with Dick. He wants you to go and find Jason so damn bad, he can give you some clarity, too.

"What the shit with Donna being alive? How the fuck do you even know that?" You almost demand instead of asking.

"I just do." Dick says simply.

"That's not reassuring whatsoever." You mutter with more annoyance.

Dick glances down to you, seeing you grow frustrated. "The pit..." Dick says.

"Yeah, no I figured that out but you're not exactly giving out details here." You roll your eyes before you grab his arm to bring him to a stop. "Dude, seriously, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Come on, we can't waste—" Dick starts as he continues walking.

"No, fuck that shit!" You yell, keeping up with him again. "You know, you batboys do that shit all the time. You guys say you're fine when you're not. You literally just fucking died, Dick. You can't just be fine after that. And you know if the three of you would just fucking talk about how not fine all of you are, we probably wouldn't be in this mess to begin with, right? Like that's your guys' entire fucking problem. I hate talking about my shit, too but I'm learning the more I admit how not fine I am the easier it is and I tend to feel a little bit better about it. The three of you are just fucking annoying about it and if you really think that's not your problem, you're being willfully ignorant and we both know that's not a very Nightwing thing to be." You finish with a scoff and the shake of your head.

And maybe a large part of your frustration is that neither of them seem to think they matter. They are sacrifices. Jason always thinks the world is simply better off without him and Dick thinks he's expendable. He can be the sacrifice for the greater good. It's why he's reckless and why he goes off on his own. Jason does the exact same thing. It's fine to them if they die. But, they leave these people in the wake of their deaths with paralyzing grief. This time it wasn't permanent for either of them but what happens when it is? It shouldn't be because they were reckless and decided to sacrifice themselves because they matter to people. The people who love them and they should be considered in all of this.

Dick glances down to you as you keep your eyes straight, jaw clenched tight. Dying is traumatic but you're right. They don't talk about it. Bruce never talked about anything so Dick wouldn't talk about anything and Jason never talked about anything. Batman and Robin could never be scared and they weren't allowed to let their emotions get in the way. Emotions cause blurriness and distractions. On the field, those things get you killed. But, he's not Robin. He's not with Batman. He just died as Nightwing.

"It was a lot." Dick manages to state.

"Yeah..." You say quietly.

"You almost died. I think you know." Dick says, still partially avoiding the question.

"Yeah, it was really scary and traumatizing." You state flatly because even though you were close, you did not die. He saved you. And Jason saved you. Close doesn't count here.

"Yeah." Dick keeps his word short. "I had to face some...challenges." Dick confesses, feeling the very core of his bones ache with guilt over the brutal beating of Jason even though it wasn't real in the pit. "It's hard to explain. It was a test or something." You look at him, seeing the look of distance and remorse dissolve over his face and you don't need to ask what kind of tests. "I understand Jason a little more now, him as Red Hood." Dick lets out a breath. "But I can't focus on what happened if we're going to stop Crane. "

You nod softly. "Right, yeah, got it." You let out a breath. "Your ability to compartmentalize is really something else but you should really deal with it after instead pushing it off." You say quietly, earning a glance from Dick. "Something else will always come up, you're Nightwing. You're a Titan. I'm just saying, look where we stand today like maybe it would have been different if things weren't always compartmentalized. Maybe you need to feel it sometimes."

The words almost catch you off guard. You've been running from your own pain for so long that you think that's your biggest issue. You run and it hurts you and the people that care about you. It's easier to not feel any of it but it makes being a person harder. There is blood on your hands and a part of you wonders if you had just let yourself grieve, maybe there wouldn't be. Maybe most of what happened between you and Jason after wouldn't have happened because you would have grieved. You would have felt all of it. Maybe had you stuck around after your mom died, let yourself just feel it, you wouldn't have ended up with Jerry. Maybe allowing the pain to bleed a little is how people heal from it. Let it scab over and let it mend itself over time with care and attention.

"Are you okay?" Dick asks. "You were there. You found Jason, you were there with Tim. This is a lot for you, too."

"Yeah..." You let out a sigh. "Like...I-I-I don't know. You're like this weird...weird brother I-I never really wanted or asked for and then you died. And that's just...I don't know. I fuck with you but I respect you and ya know?" You look up with honest eyes. "Kind of would suck a lot if you died permanently. You're like good at this and you're important to the Titans." You roll your shoulder, pulling in a heavy breath. "And to me." You mutter so quietly Dick nearly misses it.

"Thank you." Dick says. "I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me." There's the smallest touch of sarcasm in his voice.

You manage to crack a smile. "Eh, don't get used to it, Dickolas. It's cause you died. Gotta be nice to you for at least an hour." Dick shakes his head but you see the subtle hint of a smile on his face. "Why are we going to find Jason anyway?"

"He'll know how to take out Crane and we need him on the inside. He wouldn't tell Crane he's against him, would he?" Dick asks.

"Doubt it." You scoff. "Jason is smart, methodical. He still wants Crane dead for what he did to me so he's not gonna let Crane think they're on different sides just so he can have the upper hand."

"Good. We find Jason and bring him with us. I have a plan." Dick states with urgency but offers no further explanation.

"Yeah...okay. So, uh, where do I come in? The mediator, still?" You almost laugh at the idea. 

"No. You said Jason wanted to talk, let's talk. You're here because I need you with Jason."

While the idea of them talking is definitely enticing, you aren't completely convinced. Jason didn't pull the trigger this time but it is his fault Dick died. And given how Jason has been about Bruce who wasn't even in Gotham when Jason was killed, you can't help but feel a bit uneasy with Dick wanting to find Jason so soon after surviving the Pit. 

"And how do we know you're not gonna kill Jason? I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't want you to kill him and I'd fight like hell to make sure you don't. But...he did kind of just get you killed so you can see why I'm a little confused about you're kind of change of heart, I guess." You explain, eyeing him from the corner of your eye. 

"You'll just have to trust me. I never wanted him dead. He was just giving us no choice." There's something almost sad that trickles into his voice while his expression gives nothing away. 

"There's always a choice, Dick." You say quietly. "You can't say there isn't a choice when you yelled at me for killing and you're mad at Jason for killing. And you preached about how we can't be judge, jury, and executioner. There is a choice."

"Jason was going to kill all of us." Dick defends his stance, not acknowledging the hypocrisy of it all.

"So? And the ones we want dead will keep trying to kill other people. Or worse. Just because we, specifically, aren't their targets doesn't mean they get a pass. The innocent people that are their targets deserve the same amount of care and protection that we offer each other." You pull in a breath, feeling Dick move his stare to you. "We clearly didn't have to kill him, is my point."

This is the most Dick has gotten out about your motive. It's more than it being about the kids left behind. It's the bigger picture. That there is a choice and sometimes it's a bad choice and a hard choice but one that means, in your head, protecting the greater good in the same way Dick wants to protect the Titans. It doesn't mean he agrees with you, but he does see your point of view for once.

"Do you disagree with going after Jason?"

"No." You answer plainly. "I'm just incredibly loyal to him. If it were anyone else, they'd be dead. And I understand that's a bit hypocritical given what I just said. That's why circumstances and background are important when making the decision to kill someone." You shake your head. "I know him. I know him being a cold-blooded killer isn't him. Background matters."

"You're right it does. I do not want him dead." Dick offers a sincere nod towards you before it falls silent between you.

You finally reach the spot from last night where Dick was killed. Dick finds the Red Hood helmet, picks it up and takes it along with him. There's a puddle of blood still on the pavement that makes your stomach twist. It's as if blood stains everything it touches.

You're still unconvinced Jason will be here like Dick says. He's not psychic all of a sudden. But, you stay with him anyway, hoping you run into Jason and of course, you do. Somehow, Dick is right about this. Jason is yelling that Red Hood is back as he fires a gun into the air.

"Jason...it's okay." Dick calls, getting Jason's attention as he spins around quickly. His face is still covered in blood and cuts from the fight the night before. His eyes nearly bug out of his head, this can't be right. "It's me."

He knows the three of you took Dick to the Pit but there is a part of him that still can't believe it worked. Watching the life literally leave someone's body only for them to be alive the following day, that's more than unsettling. It feels wrong. It's the same wrong feeling Jason gets any time he gets a moment of silence and can hear his own heartbeat in his ears. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

But he is relieved to see Dick walking and alive. The feeling of it being wrong, is just the echo in his own bones. Dick should be the one alive. If the Pit were to work on anyone and offer someone a second chance, it should be Dick.

"It worked?" Jason questions, almost losing the breath from his lungs with the words. His eyes land on you as if you're the only one who can confirm if this is real or not.

You nod once. "Yeah, it did."

"You knew?" Dick asks.

Jason nods. "Rachel said that's where Gar was taking you." Jason explains as his eyes start to grow glassy, the guilt thundering through his bones once more.

"We don't have much time. I need your help." Dick cuts the conversation short, knowing they can't discuss this now but he's getting the idea maybe Jason did just want to talk. He looks hurt and relieved to see him and you.

You, on the other hand, are still uneasy. Dick isn't giving you any indication that this is going to go sideways but you feel yourself grip a knife from your belt anyway. This can't go sideways again. You all working on different teams has not helped fight Crane but working together should. Crane, at the very least, won't see it coming. You just don't want to see anyone else close to you die again.

"You want me to help you?" Jason asks, stretching his arms out at his sides in disbelief. He can't help. Not after what he's become. "I'm a fucking murderer."

"You know how Crane is operating. You know how he thinks." Dick starts. "He needs to be stopped or a lot more people are gonna die." Dick pauses for just a second. "You want redemption?" Dick asks as Jason hangs his head. "Do you?" Dick asks more firmly this time. "This is the first step."

Of course he wants redemption for the harm he's caused but his methods now do not align with Dick's. He's almost gotten them killed and he did kill Hank. He betrayed them. How is he supposed to go back now and help? After everything? After what he's become? It sounds hopeless and he almost lets his pity get the best of him until his eyes meet yours.

"We need your help, Jay." You plead with him.

Jason shakes his head. "You can't stop him." Jason answers with defeat rather than snark. He genuinely believes Gotham is lost to Crane. "He's got everything. The police, the Batcave. He's gonna take the whole fucking city down!"

"How?" Dick asks more in a way that sounds like a demand.

"You think I know?" Jason scoffs. "He doesn't tell me shit."

"Jay? You have to know something. You've been with him this entire time and you wanted to talk to Dick last night. You know something." You urge, practically begging him to just say something.

He told you once that he remembers everything. Crane slipped somewhere and all Jason has to do is remember. Think of whatever the hell Crane said that might be a clue.

Jason hangs his head as tears start to come to his eyes. "It was all crazy shit." Jason pauses for a second. "Like waves of anger and fear. The bright and darkened lands of the Earth. Something about an attack you and Bruce stopped a long time ago." Jason states, looking at Dick with confusion knowing Bruce never told him.

"Years ago, Crane sent a poem to Jim Gordon with clues about an attack on Gotham. A chain of explosives to release his fear toxin. We stopped him before he had the chance to set it off. Bruce took Crane's weapons and put them in the Gotham Armory to study them."

"And Crane's in the Batcave." Jason finishes. "So, he knows where those weapons are."

"And so do we now." Dick states as he extends Jason's helmet out to him. "We need to go."

Jason puts the pistol back in the holster on his leg. "So, I'm a Titan again?" Jason asks.

"No, you'll never be a Titan again." Dick states before he closes the distance between them, offering his helmet. "But, you can help us save Gotham."

Jason eyes the helmet as the feeling of being lost hits him like a ton of bricks. He never really fit in being a Titan anyway but...something about the confirmation that even if he were to change back to who he was before, it's over, really hits him. It's something he can't come back from. That part of his life, Robin, is gone. It's lost to the darkness. The Joker took it from him. Crane took it from him. The one thing he thought made him who he is, is shattered with so many of his hopes. It's lost and gone and Jason can't help but feel alone and lost now.

But, feeling that way got him here in the first place so he takes the helmet from Dick.

"How do I know you're not going to kill me?" Jason asks.

"Because now I know what it's like to die." Dick answers harshly.

Jason's eyes glance to you and then back to the helmet in his hands. It's more guilt. It's always guilt that comes back like the bladed boomerang. Jason knows firsthand what it's like to die, too and that didn't stop him. That was never a reason for him to stop. It doesn't matter that he was drugged and manipulated because, to Jason, Dick's reason should have been enough. It doesn't matter that the drug removed his guilt and his fear and the feeling of being haunted and stalked by something dark and twisted. He should have known better and he put death on Hank anyway. He lead Dick to getting killed.

He should have known better than to go after the people who actually cared about him. He knows what it's like to die and Dick does, too. To Jason, that should give Dick enough reason to kill him and yet...he doesn't and he seems sincere.

"Fine." Jason agrees reluctantly. "How can I help?" Jason asks letting out a steady breath as he nods his head.

"Come on. I've got a car around the block. We're going to break into the vault." Dick says casually as he starts walking past Jason.

Jason looks at you before you roll your eyes, trailing after Dick, Jason falling in line with you. The two of you follow Dick to the car he, for some reason, just has. You and Jason can only assume it's from last night. He had to get to Jason some way. Jason takes the passenger seat while you sit in the back, sitting right in the middle. Dick starts the drive while Jason is stuck in the car with his brother. This is not the ideal situation.

"Do you want to explain any of this?" Dick asks after a few minutes of silence. "How we got here?"

"Not really." Jason quips back with frustration looking out the window. He's not even entirely sure where to start. It all feels like this started so long ago and maybe in a way it did. Maybe it started that day he stole the hubcaps. Maybe he should have listened to Dick and you about Bruce. "After fucking everything, I just can't believe Bruce couldn't fucking kill the Joker." Jason lets out a scoff. "He fucking beat me to death with a fucking crowbar and Bruce just...fucks off somewhere." Jason scoffs again, barely able to hide the crack in his voice.

The car falls dead silent as Dick glances in the rearview mirror at you before you lean forward in between the boys. You and Dick are on the verge of exploding. This really cannot be Jason's entire motive. How the hell doesn't he know? You look at Jason who's giving you a confused and annoyed expression. You look back to Dick who is clearly trying to figure out how he's supposed to burst this bubble without it leading to another fistfight.

"I got it." You state before looking to Jason. "Who exactly do you think killed the Joker?" You blink at him with your brows raised, really hoping Jason's motive is not entirely linked to this little bit of information.

Jason eyes you, looking to the side and then back at you. The look you're giving him with Dick glancing at him has him feeling like Crane may have lied to him about that, too. But, Bruce wouldn't throw his morals away, right? Not for someone like Jason. Not for Jason. Bruce didn't kill the Joker.

"Uh...Crane said it was one of the prisoners who dressed like the Bat?" Jason lets out a scoff, playing it off in hopes this conversation is not going where he thinks it's going.

You look back at Dick who looks like he might have an aneurysm. Jason has been deadset on his new form of justice which you agree with but...if he thinks Bruce didn't kill the Joker for him, maybe that's his motive. You always felt his hatred towards Dick was just some weird rivalry amplified by Crane but if Jason thought no one avenged him...maybe that's it. You almost cringe at the idea of having to burst his bubble.

"You hear it, right?" You ask Jason as you look back at him. "Like..." You pause, scrunching your nose. "Crane, inmate dressing as the Bat."

There is no fucking way Bruce actually killed someone, the Joker, for Jason.

"Did....did Bruce actually do it?" Jason huffs as if he expects you and Dick to be messing with him as some sort of cruel payback or even to get him back on the "good" side.

"Walked into my room with a bloody crowbar." Dick states.

He cannot believe of all lies for Jason to believe from Crane, he had to believe that one. Crane is a manipulative asshole who's had Jason drugged and under his thumb ever since coming back, but how does Jason actually believe this? Even though Bruce has always been completely against murder in any instance, Jason should have known it was a lie. All of Gotham knows it was actually Batman.

"He actually did it?" Jason asks but this time, there's a sense of shock and remorse in his voice.

Every single part of him should feel relieved that Bruce would do this for him. Bruce Wayne, Batman, the same guy who has preached about not being judge, jury, and executioner, killed someone for him. Bruce killed The Joker for beating Jason to death and Jason should feel relieved and thankful but instead, he just feels guilty. Maybe wanting Bruce to avenge his death was never the thing he really wanted.

"Yeah, Jay." You nod your head, your voice quiet and sad. "Fuck Bruce, but I told you he loved you."

"Fuck." Jason lets out a groan, resting his head back on the headrest. "I really fucking thought he wouldn't do it."

Jason always thought Bruce would never break that moral code. He said it would be too easy to keep going. It's always just that one and then there would be another who's just as bad. The lines would start to blur and he wouldn't be able to stop. But, Jason did think if he ever were going to break it, it would have been for Dick, not Jason. He had no idea he actually meant that much to Bruce and now Bruce up and leaving Gotham without a trace makes sense. It wasn't that Crane drove him away or some sort of hideaway until things cooled down after losing his son. It was the grief of it all. The blame Bruce has to feel, knowing he led Jason into the road of Robin.

"Was that your only motivation for this?" Dick questions, almost not wanting to know the answer.

"Of course not." Jason sneers. "But...it didn't help." Jason grits his teeth. "I don't fucking know." Jason crosses his arms, not more aggravated over the whole thing than ever.

Crane took everything from him. And Jason trusted him.

"It's okay if you're mad at him for not saving you and thinking he didn't avenge your death." You state softly. "But now you know."

"I'm not though." Jason states as he nearly cuts you off, catching you both off guard. "I'm not fucking mad at him for not saving me." Jason's voice trails off. "I...fuck it. Forget it, alright? Crane lied to me about that, too and here we are." Jason lets out a scoff as he shakes his head before turning to look out his window.

Dick always felt like Jason was the type to hold a grudge, get unreasonable mad about things beyond his control. But, in the time since the tower, he got to know him better, finding out that wasn't entirely true. Jason's statement just now proves that. It was never about Bruce not saving him or even avenging him. It was him being alone. Thrown to the side the second things started to get messy. It was always about him feeling abandoned and less than, not good enough.

And you can see that, too.

You look to Dick and for once, Dick looks worried. "Don't worry," You start, earning a look from Jason. "I'll kill Crane for you." You offer him a soft smile that almost makes Jason laugh.

"Really?" Dick questions with annoyance.

"Don't pretend like you don't want him dead." You chortle.

"Yeah, right." Jason scoffs. "He's too good for it." Jason nearly chortles with you just to mock Dick.

"Hey!" Dick challenges. "Crane is bad, he just needs to remain locked away."

"No, you want him dead." You nod your head. "He killed your brother, drove your adoptive dad away, almost killed me, killed Hank, has been actively trying to get you killed for two weeks, and turned all of Gotham against the Titans. You want him dead. I can tell."

"You got a fucking sixth sense for right now?" Jason quips, this time actually letting a laugh slip from the bottom of his lungs.

"No." You chortle. "Dick isn't as stern when he talks about not killing Crane. He always has this look about killing being wrong and he always says the same thing, he doesn't do either with Crane."

"He's just a bad person." Dick defends himself, not even wanting to humor your theory behind this.

"No shit, man." Jason huffs. "I fucking died and he probably set the whole thing up."

"So did I." Dick states back.

"Gar died, you both died, Donna died and all of you came back. We all just taking turns? Where should I stand in line?" You quip with the intention of not letting them even start an argument.

"Not funny." Jason and Dick say at the same time, making themselves grimace.

You burst into a fit of laughter. "I told you, Jay. You two--"

"Shut the fuck up." Jason hits his head on the back of the headrest, closing his eyes. The last thing he wants to hear is that him and Dick even have one similarity but his voice isn't harsh and there might even the smallest hint of a smirk on his lips.

You lean back in your seat with the shake of your head and a gentle smile. This is going to eat at him for a while but you hope Bruce will come back. Maybe after you take out Crane, Dick will be able to find him and him and Jason can go get him. Maybe Jason getting to see Bruce after all of this will ease some of his guilt. You've had talks about it. You know him being fooled into thinking Bruce didn't avenge him isn't his entire motive. Jason always felt like Bruce could do more and this is doing more. It doesn't make it easy for him or make him feel better, but you know there's always more to Jason's motives than something surface-level.

Once you get to the armory, the three of you enter with ease. There are no guards this time. There's no one even here, just the three of you which allows you to walk right up to the vault. The entire city is in a bit of chaos, using up any force that might have been here. It's not ideal for everyone else, but it is definitely beneficial to you, Jason, and Dick right about now.

You reach the vault door where Jason takes the lead, lining the door with a sort of liquid that then ignites and breaks the seals of the door, fire almost engulfing the door until it hits the floor. Jason is the first one to step inside, his gun pointed forward with a flashlight on top. You follow right behind him with your own flashlight and then Dick.

"Let's go." Dick says once he gets in front of you and Jason, leading the way to case you need.

Dick opens the case only for nothing to be inside besides a book called Collected Poems by Will Auden.

"I don't get it. There's supposed to be like two hundred ampules." Jason states with frustration. "What the fuck is that?"

Dick reaches forward and grabs the book. "Bright and darkened lands of the Earth." Dick states, looking at the book.

You and Jason look between each other and then back to Dick. Of all things for Dick to understand, a random book of poems is the thing he understands. Of course, he does.

"What are you talking about?" Jason asks.

"Crane's poem." Dick states as he opens the book, flipping to somewhere in the middle. "His war on Gotham."

Jason snatches the book back, you looking over his arm to see the page Dick opened.

"Fuck." Jason groans.

Crane's already beat you here. It has to be some sort of gloat thing he's doing, like he's already two steps ahead of you. He's been two steps ahead this whole time and his war on Gotham is now in full swing. What are you all supposed to do if you can't locate the bombs and disable them? What if Crane is already out there ready to blow up the city?

"What are we supposed to do now?" You ask, looking up to Dick.

Dick pauses for a second, looking to the empty case and then back to you and Jason. "Let's go. I have an idea." Dick says quickly before he turns and heads towards the exit.

The three of you head back to the car, taking back your seats as Dick immediately starts driving. You're watching him and you're fascinated by how quickly Dick can change directions. Not a single part of you is surprised but you are fascinated by it. He was trained by Batman. To be out there, as a vigilante, you have to know how to pivot immediately. Dick is really good at it. So, is Jason. It's something the two of them have in common. The ability to adapt to anything and everything, even when everything is covered in bloody chaos.

"One poem, multiple bombs." Dick starts. "Clues to where the bombs are are placed in the poems."

"What's the plan?" Jason asks, his stare on Dick hoping Dick does actually have some sort of backup plan.

"Find some supers and stop the bombs from going off." Dick says it almost casually as if it's something so simple and easy.

"Titans?" Jason scoffs. "What are they gonna do when they see me?"

Jason knows there is no way the Titans are going to welcome him back with open arms and trust him just because Dick and you say he's safe now. Gar might but Kory, Conner, and Rachel won't. He's been actively targeting them and he killed Hank. They're not just going to forget that and move on like nothing happened. They'll likely try and kill him the second they see him at this point. He got Dick killed.

"They're not." Dick states, revving the engine before pulling over at a curb.

"What's going on?" Jason asks once the car is stopped.

"Get out." Dick states.

"Out?" Jason asks, hurt covering his voice.

"I can't bring you back to the Titans. It'll cause a war." Dick explains. "But I do need you."

"So, I'm your dirty little secret?" Jason quips.

"You want to help us, this is the way it's gonna be. I can only fight one war at a time."

You remain silent, not daring to get in the middle of the two of them. It's the smart decision because there's no way everyone will trust him. Everyone will start fighting and arguing and nothing will get done. Crane will win just because there's a fight between the Titans, which is probably what he wants anyway. It might hurt Jason, but it is the only way this can even work.

"When do you need me?" Jason agrees with a bit of reluctance in his voice.

"If you don't hear from me before, meet me back here in three hours. Got it?" Dick asks.

"Yeah." Jason says quietly.

"You, too." Dick looks back at you.

"Why do I have to get out?" You let out a scoff as Jason quickly looks back at you, wondering what you did this time to piss off the rest of the Titans.

"Safety, precautions, you two work well together." Dick states. "Three hours."

"Got it." You nod your head once before you exit the vehicle with Jason.

Once your doors are shut, Dick drives off. You look over to him and Jason dodges your stare, looking to the side. It's the shame that's eating at him. Falling for all of Crane's lies, getting Dick killed, having to be kept a secret. He was once a Titan and now they can't know he's even helping. Instead, Dick has you here because you work well together, sure, but also to make sure Jason doesn't back out of it. He's not even mad because he'd do the same thing but it hurts and he feels so painfully guilty for everything. He's destroyed everything.

"Come on." Jason jerks his head to the right. "Safe house is close." Jason starts walking, helmet in hand while Sam follows him.

The silence between you builds like a sturdy brick wall. It's in the silence that you have time to process everything. It's always the silence that acts as a marinade for all things fueled with anger and misery. Dick might be alive and Jason might be alive but Jason is the reason Dick died in the first place. He could have stopped. For two seconds, Jason could have called a truce and he didn't and Dick died for it. There never would have been a crowd. The kid with the gun wouldn't have been there and Dick wouldn't have gotten shot. Jason didn't pull the trigger, but he didn't have to. Dick stood there and told Jason the reason Dick won't kill him is because he knows what it's like to die. Well, so does Jason so why the fuck didn't Jason take that into consideration?

You know it was the drug but it bites and gnaws at you anyway because watching everyone you care about die is hacking away at you.

"You alright?" Jason finally asks. You being completely silent never sits quite well with him. There is nothing that sounds more deadly than your silence in moments like these.

"I don't know, Jay. I just watched Dick die and come back to life. What the fuck do you think?" You snap without processing your thought.

"The fuck you mad at me for now?" Jason snaps back. "I didn't pull the fucking trigger. I went there to talk." Jason barks, really not wanting to be reprimanded at the moment. He knows.

"You know what? You might as well have, Jason." You snap, your steps becoming harder against the pavement. "You could have stopped at any point and told him you just wanted to talk and explain it but you didn't. Not one part of you decided to do that. And for the life of me, I can't figure out why. So, Dick was killed because of that. You didn't do it. But that kid thinks he did the right thing to protect you. Dick wasn't even the enemy. So, that's shit." You let your own anger get the best of you, not even to tear him a part for it but just because you need to yell about it.

"It's not my fucking fault." Jason groans. "I didn't ask anyone to do that." Jason defends himself, knowing he's wrong.

"You don't have to!" You finally yell. "People will follow you like a damn cult because you command attention when you walk into a room. You are charismatic and enthralling. They have always been some of your best qualities but in this instance, it wasn't good. They believe in you, Jay." You look back over to him as Jason hangs his head, watching his feet hit the wet pavement. "But, Crane turned the city against the Titans, to follow you." You look forward as you shake your head. "I know I told you to work with him, but it didn't have to get to you and Dick fighting and him dying. It never had to end that way. You could turn them back to the right side." Your voice goes quiet with your last sentence earning you a glance from Jason.

"I didn't think he'd listen, alright? He was the one that set up the flash bang and came in ready for a fight. I didn't think it was any use and I didn't know those fucking people would be there. I..." Jason swallows his own words, not wanting to get into it.

You being willing to die for him is one thing. He hates it. He'd never let you if he could help it, especially having experienced what it's like to die. He would never. But, you love him. You have seen him at his good and bad. You've seen everything in between. Jason has fully exposed all of himself to you in every way anyone possibly could. And you would die for him. You would kill for him. No questions asked because you know Jason Todd better than he knows himself half the time. But these random people? They don't know him. Why the fuck would they kill someone for him? Why would they do that?

"I'm sorry, alright?" Jason's voice comes back down. "I know. I could have fucking done something and I didn't." Jason's saw clenches. "I'm fucking trying." His words are firm but there's a hopelessness in them.

"I know." You say quietly.

"I have a lot to make up for and I don't know if I'm gonna be able to do but I promise, I'm trying. I just...fucked it up." Jason's breath leaves his lips, the fog coming out in a haunting blow.

"I know...I just..." You shake your head. "I'm just really worried about all of you, all the time. You, Gar, Dick. You guys are the closest people to me besides Molly and I just...you're very important to me and this could be something so good and it was." You suck in a breath, the cold air starting to dry out your throat. "And I think we all deserve it. The Titans."

"Yeah..." Jason's shoulders slouch forward. "You do." Jason says quietly, keeping his stare ahead him even as you look over to him.

You've always deserved better than anything Gotham has given you. All this city has done is take everything you care about. And you only even started killing because of him. Even when Jason knows there's more to it, that was your breaking point. You're not shunned from being a Titan and maybe that'd be better for you.

"If you want to be a Titan after all of this, you should." Jason states in his way where he tries to sound really casual to hide his real feelings.

You snap your attention back to him. "Why would I do that?" You nearly scoffs at the very idea, especially coming from him.

"You're good at it and you like it. They like you and you fit in." Jason answers with ease, as if it were something he'd thought about more than a few times. "Why trap yourself here if you don't have to?"

It's as if the air is being pulled from your lungs by rusty hooks. How could he say that? He's here. Home is here. Molly is here. It's not a trap being in Gotham. Coming back, coming home, was a choice you made all on your own and not a single ounce of you even regrets it. You can't regret it. You got to reunite with Molly and while it has been agonizing lately, you had some of your best and favorite moments with Jason here. You got to make a different life again. It felt like home again. Here. Not in San Francisco. Why would he tell you to be a Titan?

"You want me to be a Titan?" You ask, doing your best to hide the hurt in your voice.

"Not up to me." Jason shrugs his shoulders casually, still keeping his stare away from you.

"That's not what I asked." You bite back, keeping your stare on him.

Jason looks back over to you as you reach the building. Jason opens the door for you, leading you in first before he shuts and locks the door behind you. You stand directly in front of him so he can't move once the door is shut. He doesn't get to avoid this conversation when he's the one that brought it up. If he wants you to leave, then he can tell you and then deal with the fact you will not.

"Answer me." You demand.

Jason looks to the right before looking back at you. He always thought you would anyway. After everything, it only makes sense to him for you to leave. You said San Francisco caused you so much pain that you didn't want to be there anymore. But, Gotham has caused you so much pain, you're not even the same person you were a month ago. He doesn't want you to leave but he wants you to be happy and he worries that just won't be here. Not with the track record.

"I always thought you would." Jason shrugs as his voice almost trails off.

"Because?" You search as your brows furrow. "What? I'd get bored of you? Tired of you?" Your eyes scan his face, knowing all of his insecurities. He can't hide from you like he can with everyone else.

Jason looks to the ground and back to you with the shrug of his shoulders. "No." Jason answers. "You didn't come back for me. Thought you'd figure it out and just...go back."

You narrow your eyes. "That's not the full reason." You say softly. "Tell me."

Jason shifts his weight, favoring his bad leg as it starts to ache. He shakes his head with defeat. "Just want you to be happy." Jason says honestly. "This place is fucking shit and you know it. And you hate Bruce but you don't wanna give this up. Bruce doesn't like other vigilantes in the city and..." Jason's heart breaks as he watches your expression fall. "Yeah, I thought you'd leave." Jason nods his head.

"Jay, I told--"

"Because I died." Jason cuts you off with a scoff. "That day on the roof, I fucking destroyed you. I died and it completely destroyed you. When you found out about the drug and Crane, then everything else, I thought you'd fucking leave."

"Yeah," You nod quickly as your eyes turn glassy. "It did destroy me. The whole damn thing hurt but that doesn't mean I want to leave. It doesn't mean I want to be a Titan." Your voice is almost pleading with him to not push without you ever saying it. "This is my home and Molly is here and my mom is buried here and you are here. I don't care if we're not together, you're here. The city is a shitshow so it needs us. It needs us and Batman to help."

"Are you sure?" Jason questions. "I mean, look at this place. I just want you to be happy. I don't fucking know."

You let out a sigh. "You didn't answer the question." You state as Jason opens his mouth. "I asked if you wanted me to. You just said you always thought I'd leave."

Jason shakes his head. "Of course not." Jason lets out a scoff, not even trying to lie or dodge it anymore.

"Good cause I'm not leaving, Jay." You nod your head. "I was always happiest here with you." Your words are barely above a whisper as you look to the floor. "So," You pull in a breath. "You don't have that to worry about. I was gonna stay anyway, no plans to leave again. Tired of running." Your voice turns airy, almost hopeful with your last sentence.

"I don't get you." Jason lets out a laugh that's filled with relief.

"Yeah, you do." You laugh softly. "You're the only one whoever did." You shrug your shoulders, moving past him to the stairs. "You know, you and Dick could probably bond over your whole dying experience now. Probably bring you closer." You offer with sarcasm earning a groan and then a laugh as Jason walks over to you.

"Oh, yeah? We sit down for a family dinner at the manor and tell Bruce all about it? Like a fucking field trip?" Jason quips right back as the two of you make your way upstairs.

"Yeah!" You laugh. "Hear me out, it might freak Bruce out which would be funny."

Jason shakes his head with a soft chuckle. "Us getting along? Yeah, that'll freak Bruce out."

You nudge him lightly. "That'll freak everyone out, actually."

The two of you go upstairs into Jason's makeshift bedroom. You head over to the window to look at the people down below. Everyone is fending for themselves and there are still fires in the streets. There aren't any cars this time. There are always cars.

You lean against the wall and slide down, keeping your head turned towards the window as Jason keeps his distance, watching you closely as he traps himself in his own head again. While you have been on Jason's side, you've also actively been trying to make sure the Titans are at a distance and safe from Jason. You can say you've always been on Jason's side this whole time and maybe that's true, but you also were entirely in the middle. It was never Titans or Jason for you. You were always determined to cut the wire. It was always going to be all of them even if it killed you.

Jason remembers you willing to die for him, how terrifying that was. No one in his entire life was ever willing to do that. Maybe Bruce would have but it's something Jason isn't sure of. He was sure of you. Deathstroke proved that and you confirmed it that night. You would die for him because you love him and Jason always thought that was absurd, even if he'd die for you, too. Dying for you seemed to be the easiest thing he would do if it came to it. But you dying for him? Insane. It had to be insanity but these past two weeks have taught him something else entirely.

You would just die for anyone you loved if that's what it took.

There is not a doubt in Jason's mind that you would put your life in danger for Gar. Of course, you would. He's Gar. Everyone would probably do it. There's Molly and Jason actually feels bad for anyone who would even think of coming after her. You'd die for Tim because of course you would. You care about him and Tim is determined and smart. Krypto is no question. You loved Donna and thought she was the coolest Titan, that's easy. You thought Kory was one of the coolest and most badass people you'd ever met while also being immensely kind. You told Jason once that the Titans need her. So, you'd die for her, too. Jason isn't entirely sure of the big reason you'd save Conner or Dawn or Hank but he knows you would. And then there's Dick. You'd save Dick because he's the leader. Because he saved your life. Because you look up to him. Because he's important to everyone.

It's not that you would die for Jason. It's that you would die for anyone you love if it ever came to it. Jason would be lying if he said he doesn't admire that. Though, he wonders if that's what will be your last straw or if you'll understand one day that you shouldn't have to die for the people you care about. Jason swore he'd die for you. That part was easy but the more time that passes, the more he's realizing he wants to live for you. Living is harder. He hopes you learn that, too. You deserve to want to live for someone and for yourself.

"What's with the symbol?" You snap Jason from his thoughts.

"What?" Jason questions, almost doing a double take.

"The rip off bat symbol. Your idea or Crane's?" You ask bluntly as your eyes dart between his and the red symbol on his chest.

Jason looks down to his chest where the red symbol stares up at him. "Mine." Jason chuckles softly, a devilish grin pushing itself onto his lips. "Why?" He asks and he walks over to the other side of the window from you, sliding down the wall and matching your position.

You let out a soft laugh as you shrug. "Funny that's what you would pick given you thought he didn't kill the Joker for you." You pull in a breath. "Why?"

Jason shrugs. "Fuck Bruce." Jason answers easily as if the answer were so simple anyone could have figured it out, as if he isn't neglecting the entire explanation.

The bat symbol represents Bruce's way of thinking. Inciting fear into the hearts of everyone so they don't do bad things. It works, sometimes. But, it doesn't work enough. The bat symbol represents a certain moral compass where even under the worst of circumstances, killing is still wrong. It represents Bruce. Jason wanted something to almost mock him, a fuck you and watch this to Bruce. Fear doesn't always work. It's not the best way. For Jason, he needed something to spite Bruce, prove his methods will be better because there should never be another Jason. Or Dick. Or any of them. No one should have to suffer the way all of them have. It was to represent everything Bruce refused to do for the greater good.

But Bruce did kill The Joker so Jason feels lost.

But then you offer this warm smile, one that says you understand every single thought in his mind without him ever having to explain.

"Yeah..." You sigh softly. "Fuck Bruce." You laugh softly. "I like it, by the way. Bruce only killed him for you. He never would have under any other circumstances." You pause before you tilt your head to the left quickly, raise your brows. "Well, he might have for Dick, too. But, it would have to be one of you. So...good for you, Jay." You nod your head softly.

"Don't think it's fucked?" Jason chortles.

"Oh, no it definitely is." You nod quickly. "I mean, just when I think I've got some daddy issues, I meet you and Dick. It's definitely fucked. But, like it anyway." You smile but Jason doesn't quite match it. There's a sadness washing itself over his face. "I think Gotham will like it, too." You say quietly.

"Yeah? Why?" Jason repositions, pulling his right leg to his chest. "Because I'm charismatic and enthralling?" A touch of a grin finds itself on his lips.

"Fuck you, no." You laugh softly. "They're brainwashed but...I think it took one video because you've already been out there controlling the drug trade, looking to get into guns. You've taken out some really terrible people and are trying to get this shit under control. They already liked you."

"I also helped get a drug onto the streets and contributed to everything with Crane." Jason points out.

"Yeah, but you've been distancing yourself and you also tried to save Nightwing. I mean, you tried to kill him, too but you just tried to save him and they'll remember that. They'll figure out Crane brainwashed them and see you were also brainwashed."

"I guess we'll see." Jason lets out a scoff. "But, thanks." Jason offers you a nod.

"Just being honest." You pull in a breath as you move your stare back to the window. "You gonna keep Red Hooding after this is over then?" You look back at him with hopeful eyes.

Jason shrugs. "Yeah, maybe." Jason nods his head softly. "Especially with Bruce fucking MIA." Jason gives you a soft smile. "You gonna keep this shit up?"

"Absolutely." You nod with confidence. "You're right, I do like it. The vigilantism, I mean." Your smile turns kind and loving. "You're a good Red Hood. You're gonna help a lot of people, Jay." Your smile is warm and honest, filling Jason's entire chest with hope.

"So are you." Jason matches the smile before the two of you look to the window, falling into a comfortable silence.

You get a text from Dick, apparently, the towers are back and running which is a relief but according to his text, Crane released some of his smoke downtown. He leaves the text with a warning for you and Jason to stay where you are until the smoke dies down or until he says otherwise. So, the two of you seem to be stuck here for the night.

You're safe here, entirely. You don't have to worry about the smoke or anyone coming to kill you. You're safe from it all for the first time in weeks and it's as if, weirdly as it is, you both can breathe freely. It doesn't feel like your very breath can shatter the illusion of peace. You both are allowed to breathe freely and openly.

You let your mind wander anywhere but to the disaster outside. The more you're in these situations, the more you're learning to compartmentalize it. There is no choice in this. It has to be done otherwise it'll eat you. You wonder how Dick is able to do it so well. Surely that's how he's so good at being Nightwing. He isn't heartless, he just shelves what he needs to until after a mission. It's something you need to be better at and so you sit here tonight and try to do it. You focus on anything but the disaster.

And then there's Jason who finds his mind going to your previous conversation a few minutes ago. You think he can be a hero again. He can use Red Hood for good, do it his own way. He lifts his head, looking over at you and how peaceful you look. You really do trust him. You really do just believe in him, after everything, there's something in you that believes in him even when you absolutely should not.

Jason keeps his eyes on you, wondering if you're right. He hopes you are. Jason just wants to help. That's what he wants to do. That's all he's wanted to do. That was supposed to be the plan before Crane showed his true motive. Jason wants to help the innocent people Bruce overlooks. Sex workers, sexual assault victims, domestic violence survivors, children who are put in all of these situations. A lot of them never make it onto Bruce's radar. He's busy dealing with everything else and a lot more of it happens in places like Crime Alley, somewhere Bruce doesn't go unless it's the anniversary of his parents' death. Someone needs to keep them safe, too. He wants to control the crime because he does believe that's the right way. No one can stop crime. That's impossible. But, Jason thinks he can control it. It's worth a shot. Someone needs to try. That's what he wants to do.

Maybe he can do it.

"I can feel you staring at me, Jay." You state as you look back over at him.

"Sorry." Jason mutters, feeling heat rush over his cheeks as he looks back outside.

"What's going inside that head of yours?" You ask.

Jason looks back to you, letting a beat pass before he settles on what to say. "Thanks for believing in me and being here." Jason pulls in a breath.

"Always." You say softly before it goes quiet again.

Time ticks by and it's you that ends up glancing towards Jason. He's holding his bad leg to his chest, seeming to be absentmindedly massaging the muscle of his thigh with his thumbs as he keeps his stare out the window. The white streak reflects off the lights from the window and the bruises are bright red from Dick's fists and enimga sticks. But, he doesn't look stressed this time. He looks content for once. And you always think there's hope for him but his position confirms it.

Which, lets your mind wander back to how you and him were. It wanders back to the night outside Excellent Gotham. It was the right thing to do. There is good, there is bad, and there is all of this grey in between. Something might be the right thing to do, for the greater good, to save someone, but that doesn't always make it fair or just or painless. It was the right thing to do, to save Jason. But, you wonder in the silence of the night, what happens after then. The bell has been rung and you're dealing with it but it doesn't feel good. Being around him feels like you're trying to breathe through water. You don't want to give up on you and him. You're gonna take out Crane, the Titans are going to leave, Bruce will probably come back, and it'll start to fall back into a new normal. And you want to know what kind of new normal that's going to be.

You want the new normal to still be you and him.

But you don't even want to ask about it. You hurt him and it just doesn't feel right to ask even if it'll gnaw at you until you do.

"I can feel you staring." Jason quips, looking at you, saying it on purpose.

You roll your eyes but the smile never reaches your eyes before it falls. "Yeah, yeah, yeah." You mock him, waving a hand haphazardly at him before you get to your feet and stretch before you lean your back against the wall. You look back at Jason and you can tell by the raise of his brows and his wide eyes, he's expecting you to elaborate. You let out a defeated sigh. "Hey, Jay?"

"Yes?" Jason answers expectantly.

"Where do we stand?" You ask bluntly. "I mean....you and me." You nod once. "After all of this and everything. I'll follow your lead." You nod a few times. "Ball's in your court this time."

As much as you would like to go to the roof and scream your lungs out about how much you want to be with him and how much you love him, you know you can't. None of that is fair to him. Jason Todd was murdered and then came back from the dead. He was used and abused and manipulated. He's not fine and he should be able to learn how to live now, rediscover who he is after all of this if he needs to. You telling him you want to go right back to where you were before he died, sounds cruel. It's as if you won't give him a choice, like you expect him to just be normal and you don't. So, you ask him and you let it be his decision because it should be. It was you that ended things anyway and it was you that betrayed him, more than he betrayed you is the way you see it.

Jason feels his heart in his throat. He hates this but he knows there is no other choice. He swears this one fucking time, he is not doing it to push. He is doing it for himself and for you. He owes you more. He owes you more than he has ever given you. He owes himself more.

You have said it over and over that Jason is loved and he is not alone, at the very least, he has you and he is loved by you. There is not a single day that he is not eternally grateful for you. But, that's not enough. It's not enough because, after everything, Jason still feels like he is not enough. He watches the chaos he has brought on all of these people who he cares about and who care about him. Someone who is enough, doesn't do that. And he died. The trauma of that isn't going to go away because you love him and he loves you. He desperately wishes it were so simple, but it's not.

Jason swore he would never hurt you but he thinks about that night outside of Excellent Gotham and how it looked like it was ripping you to shreds to end things and to give up on him, even if you never meant it. You didn't deserve it. He needs to figure himself out and sort out some of this pain in his chest before it metastasizes more. He needs to just exist for a second and work on who he is after coming back. He owes it to himself and then he owes it to you. It's not fair to continue something if he isn't sure he'll be okay in the end of this. That's not fair to either of you.

So, as much as it physically pains him, he knows where you stand.

"Uh..." Jason pulls in a breath and you know. Jason doesn't stutter often. "I really fucking hurt you." Jason nods his head.

"I hurt you..." You hang your head in shame before looking back to him.

"Yeah, deserved it though." Jason lets out a scoff before he shakes his head. "Look," Jason starts as he pushes himself off the wall and walks over to you, standing in front of you. "I don't want to ever hurt you again." Jason states and you know there is a but coming. This is not going to end the way you dreamed it would. "So, I think-think we need to sort our shit out."

You hang your head, feeling the lump in your throat. It was as if the night you ended things, it wasn't quite real. He was high and you were mad. Then you rescued him and it's been kind of weird ever since. It didn't feel quite like you broke up but it didn't feel like you were together. It has felt like this weird state of in-between where you're tripping over each other trying to find the right footing. And now, it seems you've found it in an unknown territory. It's scary.

It's scary because after being rescued, Jason is one of the only things you know. And you know that it's going to be good for you to find yourself without him, find out who you are outside of Jason and the Titans. It's for the best and you know. But, you also know Jason and Jason Todd has always loved to avoid things that are good for him. Good to him. What if he avoids this forever and this is really it?

"I'm sorry." Jason says quietly.

"It's okay." You nod up at him. "You're, uh, you're right. You died."

As much as you saw it coming, you feel blindsided. You are not together. He is not breaking up with you because you did it first. But, it feels that way anyway. He is right. You need time and space to heal and deal with everything that's happened. Maybe you could do that together but maybe you need to figure out who you are now. You are not the same people you were before he died. Jason Todd died that day and so did you. You need to just exist without each other even if it is the most painful thing either of you will ever do.

Jason nods. "Yeah," He scoffs. "It's not fucking fair to you or me if we jump into this shit again."

You nod softly. "Yeah...you're right." You push off the wall, closing the distance between you. "For what it's worth, I'm still sorry for everything that's happened to you, Jay." You sniffle softly.

"Thanks. I'm sorry for everything that's happened to you, too." Jason lets out a soft sigh, looking to the floor before he looks back to you. He will find his way back to you because you're everything he's ever wanted and he wants to deserve you one day. "Friends?" He asks, sticking out his hand with the quick raise of his brows.

"For now." You take his hand in yours. "We'll find our way back." You say softly but with certainty.

"Hope so." Jason quips right back with a cheeky grin. "I'll miss you being up my ass all the time."

You roll your eyes as a smile starts to fade over your lips. "Shut the fuck up." You groan,  making Jason chuckle softly. "You're my favorite person, ya know?"

"And you're mine." Jason says simply, without hesitance.

The room falls silent, the two of you still holding each other's hand right in the middle of you. It's as if you aren't sure how to backtrack. How do you go back to being friends? You were never meant to be friends. There was always something more there. Something strong and tender, throbbing and beating like a desperate heart pumping blood through an open artery. You have stained each other with every scar and crumb of yours. How do you take it back? How do you cleanse yourselves and try again? Can you even do it?

Jason's grip on your hand tightens and he doesn't want to leave it like that. As friends. The very idea is bitter and stale. He knows it's for the best. For the first time in his life, he is doing something to better himself and protect you. It's not just self-destruction this time. He wants to be better for himself. He never wants to get here again. And to do that, he needs to do it on his own. Jason won't risk dragging you down with him again as he drowns himself. He's not sure if he'll come out the other end alive this time, but he's willing to try for himself. And then for you. But, that doesn't make this whole thing easier. He still loves you. He still wants you.

You feel it, too. You know he wants to reach forward, pull you into him just for old times sake. You're going to defeat Crane tonight, one way or another, and then you'll go your separate ways for a little bit...as friends. But you think about the last time you had a proper kiss, before you knew you'd end up here. He was alive again. It was a kiss of relief. That's not how you want it to end. You fully believe you will come together again but what if you don't?

The idea makes your stomach twist into knots. And you know Jason isn't going to act on it, out of respect for you. It's the way his hand squeezes yours, the way he won't let go and how he has that dark but kind look in his eyes. The way he is intentionally holding his stance just enough away as if he'll walk into a bear trap with one step forward. He'll never act on it out of respect for your space so when Jason finally starts to move away, you pull him back.

Jason eyes you and then the very corner of your mouth twitches up as you squeeze his hand, pulling him just a little closer to you. You move your eyes up with the raise of your brows before looking back to him and then you shrug effortlessly.

Jason shakes his head. "Fuck it." Jason lets out in a single breath before dropping your hand and cupping your face, slamming his lips against yours.

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[ambrossart]

Welp, this experiment was a total failure

I'm extremely disappointed with myself right now. I didn't accomplish anything I was hoping to. Nothing at all.

To be perfectly honest, I almost didn't post anything tonight. But I will because I said I would, and because I want you all to see how much of a hack I am. I want you to see why it takes me months to finish a single damn chapter.

I spent over a week working on this. I even took the day off from work today, and I spent half the day staring at my screen, utterly paralyzed. And the saddest part is, most of this is recycled from something I wrote months ago. Months. I couldn’t come up with a better opening, so I just pulled this out of my scrap bin. I was hoping to add to it. To build upon it. But all I ended up doing was rewriting it a bunch of times.

I’m a hack. I’m a horrible writer.

And I know you’re probably thinking I’m being overdramatic, that this is just fanfiction, who cares, but it isn’t just fanfiction to me. This is what I want to do with my life. Ever since I was a kid, all I wanted to do was be a published author.

I’m starting to think that’s never gonna happen. Maybe my college professors were right, after all.

So here it is: the product of all my efforts. It’s not long. It’s not good. It’s not interesting. And it’s probably gonna get deleted again at some point.

Sorry you all waited for nothing.

_____________________________

Evelyn stared down at her folded hands, willing them to move.

You have to do it, Evie…

Even if you don’t want to, you have to do it. 

A tear landed on the back of her hand and gleamed there. She closed her eyes, counted to three, took a deep breath, and opened the door…

but the girl who came out the other side wasn't Evelyn at all. She was just this pale, lifeless husk—a cheaply made, mass-produced doll that someone had painted to resemble her. It wasn’t right. None of it was right. Where was her smile, the one that lit up her whole face and made you feel like the only person in the world? Where was the little twinkle in her eyes? That friendly glimmer? It was always there, always, even when she was really mad, even when she swore that this was the last time, Henry; I’ve had enough of your bullshit! Where was it now? Where? Where?!

What happened to the tiny flecks of gold in her eyes, the ones you could only see when the sun was angled just right? Her eyes were precious, perfect, but now they were gone, just… gone!

What happened to all her color? All her light? Her life? Her spirit? Someone had snuffed it out—killed it. Now she was nothing more than a corpse.

That's not Evelyn, Henry thought, angry and disgusted. This was a joke, a cheap trick, but he wouldn’t be so easily fooled. That wasn’t Evelyn. Wasn’t. Couldn’t have been. The real Evelyn was fine, safe, and drawing smiley faces on Mrs. Lafferty’s quizzes.

She was waiting for Henry to come back. He had walked out, said fuck you and stormed off, but she knew he would come back eventually.

… didn’t she?

Henry always came back. He pinky promised.

I have to go, Henry thought anxiously, his left hand reaching and finding his right, fingertips circling his right pinky. Evelyn’s warmth was still there—little more than a memory now, but still there.

Meanwhile, the false Evelyn was standing beside the minivan, her hair collapsed and disheveled (wrong), makeup running muddily down her cheeks (wrong!), staring out with glassy, hollow eyes (doll’s eyes, false eyes, not Evelyn’s). She nudged the car door with her hand and it swung back on its hinges, closing with an unaccepting click. (Not right. Not right. Try again.) She ripped open the door, heaved it closed with all her strength, and then staggered backward, panting, her backpack slipping off her shoulder, sliding down her arm, off her hand, and slumping to the ground. Her shoulders trembled as she sobbed, an ugly, horrible sound.

I have to go, Henry thought harder, trying to drown out the sound of her cries. Evelyn's waiting for me at… at the park. She went to get me some bandaids and she's gonna be really mad if I'm not there when she gets back. I made a promise. I pinky promised. I…

(the closed door squeaking open)

(Evelyn's eyes rolling up, reaching for him)

I left her.

[iamamythologicalcreature]

Six Sentence Sunday/Creative Proof of Life

Thanks for the tags, @alexalexinii, @shrekgogurt, and @that-disabled-princess!

This WIP post is basically a proof of life statement. I can't believe it's been over a month since I posted Chapter 1 of the Haunting of Simon Snow. I'm so overdue for chapter 2, BUT... instead I finished writing the rough draft. I've been attempting to outline, because when I rough a draft, I really rough it up. Ahem.

So I have been working on it, even if there is zero evidence on AO3 as of yet.

How about some sentences? I haven't sliced up chapters yet, so not sure if this is from chapter two or three, but here's a snippet of Simon on the phone with Penny expressing some smooshy sentiments:

I curl up on the couch a bit more, maneuvering myself so my wings aren’t crushed. “I went flying last night,” I confess then, in quiet tones. Like someone might hear me. “You— Oh, but… You can’t! What if someone sees you?” I can actually hear her biting her lip. She wants to spell my problems away, and she can’t. “But I can,” I say, smiling a bit more. “There’s no one around for acres. No one will even willingly drive here on account of the house being haunted. It’s empty. And I’m flying at night.” I say flying in the present tense and realize I fully intend to fly again tonight.

Penny huffs. Her specialty. “I don’t like it.” “I do,” I say easily, warming up to explaining, hoping she’ll understand. “It’s so freeing, Pen. Like the weight of the world can’t hold me down, anymore. I feel… It’s like… It’s like I’m closer to the stars. Like I’m close to stirring up the milky way.” I let out a sigh, my eyes closing as I drop my head back, indulging in that recent memory. “I don’t hate it as much, when I’m up there. You know?” There’s a few seconds of silence, and I open my eyes again. “Pen?” “Hate what?” she asks quietly.

(just in case you were worried I wouldn't be including angst...)

Bit more info on my progress (maybe some whinging) and tags and hellos below the cut!

Fun facts about my ineffecient writing process:

I spent more than one or two hours clearing asterisks from my rough draft this morning. (Because discord has trained me to do *this* when I write instead of this.) Because I'm trying to listen to my draft via screen readers, but it keeps sounding like "asterisk-impossible-star-fuck me" (that's my favorite one honestly, it's supposed to read "Impossible. Fuck me.") which is really annoying (more often than amusing). ANYWAY… what this has revealed to me is that I use "Fuck" a lot, as well as "So good." Ahem. Take from that what you will.

BTW, I'm sure there's an easier way to do that than manually. Please don't tell me for at least a few days, or I might lose it. I am but a mortal being, with a tattered heart and patience worn thin. (Or something.)

OKAY. It's been awhile since I did one of these posts. Time really flies. Gonna give this list my best shot, but as always, open to any who want to participate! (Also adding some new names in for the new year so this is sort of my "Gee I hope this is cool with you" super long tag list. If you'd rather not be tagged, just drop me a missive to that effect!)

@leithillustration @prettygoododds @rimeswithpurple @artsyunderstudy @blackberrysummerblog @hushed-chorus @nightimedreamersworld @best--dress @whatevertheweather @ileadacharmedlife @scribble-tier @imagineacoolusername @brilla-brilla-estrellita @alleycat0306 @angelsfalling16 @fatalfangirl @erzbethluna @tender-ministrations @anxious-m3ss @ebbpettier @bubble-gumhead @facewithoutheart @bazzybelle @theimpossibledemon @aristocratic-otter @mooncello @cutestkilla @annabellelux @ic3-que3n @j-nipper-95 @letraspal @messofthejess @onepintobean @palimpsessed @raenestee @supercutedinosaurs @theearlgreymage @thewholelemon @wellbelesbian @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @youarenevertooold @bookish-bogwitch @martsonmars @orange-peony @mostlymaudlin @stardustasincocaine @confused-bi-queer

Lastly, quick note/question. Tumblr seems to be remiss in informing me when I've been tagged in other posts. Is this a common issue?

[bonny-kookoo]

Yoongi: 𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐇𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐬 (4)

In which it ends up being you who makes the first step towards something more.

Tags/Warnings: Vampire!Yoongi, Human!Reader, mentions of 'being high' (drug usage in a way), friends to lovers, blood (duh), red haired Yoongi, Listen I am Jungkook focused but I will put Vampire Yoongi on the menu and you'll better finish your plate

Additional Chapter Warnings: cuddly Yoongi???, we're moving guys buckle your seat belts

Chapter Length: short/mid

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♥━━━━━━━━━━━♡━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

"Hey, Yoongi?" You ask, all bundled up in a blanket in front of the little fireplace.

"Hm?" He responds, throwing a piece of wood into the fire, before he leans back into his seat again.

"Would you cuddle me if I asked?"

For a second, time stops. His brain stops, everything stops, as he goes over a list of possible things leading to you saying such a.. rather blunt thing.

Potentially drunk? No way, you don't actually drink often at all, and tonight, you both have not had any alcohol to drink.

Sleepy, maybe? No, you seem pretty awake staring at him right now, flames reflecting in your eyes.

Drugs? Okay now he's reaching.

"I-what.. what makes you ask that?" He asks you, trying to keep his cool. He's gonna have to be careful here, all senses on high alert.

You shrug. "Just.. wondering." You mumble into the blanket, almost disappointed. "I don't know." You say quietly, not looking at him anymore.

"I mean, we can. If you'd like." He tells you, trying not to smile at the way your eyes lighten up. "Is there something on your mind?" He wonders, watching you.

"Hmhm." You nod, shrinking in on yourself. "But.. hm, I don't know, really." You say, before you look up at him from under your lashes. "So... is that a yes?" You ask meekly so, and he shrugs, unzipping his jacket before opening it up.

"Come here then." He says, beckoning you, and you almost immediately hobble over in your blanket, sitting sideways on his thighs, leaning into him as he wraps his arms around you.

"Thanks." You say, quietly so, and he chuckles.

"No need for thanks." He tells you softly, watching the fire. "You know I like your company." He offers.

"Hmhm, I know." You affirm, though there's an almost.. bitter tone to your voice.

"You say it like it's a bad thing." He jokes, though he's truly interested in why it seems like you're just.. not quite happy.

"I don't know." You shrug. "I guess.. it's just a bad thing for me, not you.." You say.

"Why is that?" He gently tries, threading carefully as to not potentially put words in your mouth.

He hopes you want to say what he thinks you want to say. He hopes. He needs to hear it from you.

"Cause.. you know!" You whine suddenly, sitting up in frustration as you stare him down almost angrily, redness on your cheeks pretty evident. "You can't not have noticed.!" You argue further, making him lean his head to the side.

"I don't know." Yoongi replies. "Thats why I want you to say what's on your mind." He offers.

"...you know I like you." You quietly say, avoiding his gaze. "Its not like it's.. a big secret or anything. Everyone calls me that lost puppy running after you after all." You pout, staring at your feet swinging a bit.

"Well I've not heard that one yet." He chuckles, tucking some of your hair behind your ear. "But of course you like me. I know that. I like you too, after all." He shrugs, making you throw your head back in agony.

"Yeah but not like I like you!"

Yoongi sighs at that, both in relief, but also because there's a lot happening now. "You know what I am."

"I know." You say, looking at him. "And I already told you I'm not scared."

"But you should be." He scolds softly. "There's enough cases of bitings happening in relationships, families and marriages to tell that love won't tame the monster." He explains.

"So?" You shrug, looking at him now, serious. "I know that. I'm not stupid."

"And I'm not saying you are." He tells you, watching you. "I'm just reminding you."

"Hmhm." You nod more or less to yourself, staring down at your feet again. "...so?"

"So?" He teases, keeping his eyes on you.

"Yoongi!" You whine, and now he really can't help but laugh a little, unable to keep it in. "You're being mean right now, I don't wanna cuddle anymore." You scoff, jumping off his lap-

Or at least you would've if it wasn't for his death grip on you.

"There's no way I'm letting you go that easily now." He chuckles, pulling you close enough to teasingly kiss your neck.

"You're mine now."

[tunaababee]

we will be everything we say - Chapter 2

masterlist // fic playlist // read on AO3 // overall rating: e // wc this chapter: 2.1k // updates Mondays (aest)

Feyre Archeron has been best friends with Rhysand Sterling ever since she moved onto the same street when they were kids - the two became absolutely joined at the hip, with nothing able to come between them.

As they get older, life gets more complicated and things get harder. Not everything comes as naturally as it once did. People change, things happen, friends... drift.

But after drifting apart, maybe life can push them back together again, in time.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Chapter 2: eleven and twelve

School had finished about two hours ago and Feyre was pacing around the house, tidying up and trying to do as many chores as she could to make sure she stayed on her dad’s good side. Today, like many days and nights before it, Rhys was staying over and she didn’t want to possibly jeopardise it because of something as simple as her room not being clean. The seconds felt like minutes and the minutes felt like hours as she kept trying to find more to do - she was never a patient girl, and waiting always felt like agony to her.

So it made sense that the minute she heard the key clumsily twist in the latch, she burst out of her room without a second thought to fling the door open before he could continue messing with the lock. They’d had keys to each other’s houses since they were eight and nine respectively, but in the past three years Rhys had never gotten any better at managing the fiddly lock on the Archerons’ door. Feyre gave him a warm hug, squeezing tightly like she hadn’t seen him for weeks when it had only been mere hours. Rhys squeezed back with just as much fervour.

“Geez, Feyre, if you missed me that much, you could have come over to help me pack my stuff for tonight.”

“Am I not allowed to be excited? You get to stay over tonight and it’s gonna be so much fun!”

“Feyre, I’ll be staying over most of the summer!” Rhys said with a laugh, heading into the family’s living room before putting his stuff down by the couch.

Their coffee table had been moved out of the way, now replaced by a large inflatable air mattress in the middle of the cream-coloured carpet. It was laden with blankets and pillows - Feyre was a bit of a blanket hog, admittedly - just the way they liked it. It made it easier for the two of them to battle each other at Mario Kart under the covers in the dead of night before one of them inevitably got too excited. Their noise always earned them a stern scolding in the morning, but neither of them let it faze them too much. As long as they were having fun together and not getting into too much trouble, what did it matter? She got to hang out with her best friend in the whole world.

Rhys had no trouble settling in and making himself comfortable - the Archeron household had become like a second home to him, especially once Rebecca had passed unexpectedly only a few years after the two had become friends. It was around the same time that Feyre and her sisters lost their mother too - it was hard and unfamiliar, the change so deeply painful that she struggled to comprehend it at all. She couldn’t imagine how her sisters or her father had felt, being much closer to her mother than she was. But Rhys was struggling in the same way and needed a place to find solace. Feyre was just glad that they could find it in each other, especially as he found his dad getting colder and harsher as the years wore on. As her own father changed too, her sisters not quite the same as they once were either, her and Rhys stuck by each other’s side through it all.

He, somehow, remained warm and steadfast and comforting, and she could only hope that she had provided the same safety in return for the only other person who could understand her – her best, closest and dearest friend.

Elain made small talk with him as he kept trying to ask her questions, seeing if he could help around the house with anything, while Nesta unsurprisingly glared at him from across the room. She had never quite clicked with Rhys, as much as it irked Feyre, but she appreciated the fact that she wasn’t as rude to him as she was when they were a bit younger. Feyre darted into the kitchen amidst their conversation, not hesitating to grab all their favourite snacks and treats she had stowed away for whenever Rhys stayed over.

“It’s pizza again tonight,” she said as she grabbed the packets of chips and cookies, hauling as much as she could with both arms over to their humble abode for the night. “Dad has been having trouble cooking again.”

“You know I love pizza night!” Rhys took some of the snacks out of her arms, helping her bring them over.

“Yeah, when you haven’t had it for, like, three days in a row.” She rolled her eyes a little, beginning to head up to her room and get her charger for her Nintendo DS so they could play to their heart’s content later. “Nesta can’t cook well, and I’m not allowed near the gas stove yet.”

“You don’t need to go telling everybody!” Nesta shouted from the kitchen, beginning to storm off towards the other side of the house. Feyre couldn’t help but laugh a little at that.

“I’m sure your dad will feel better soon, Feyre. Besides, most people would kill for three pizza nights. I know I would.” Rhys picked up some of her games and trailed behind her diligently - he knew the house like the back of his hand, but his mother had drilled into him a sense of chivalry and politeness from a young age that wouldn’t be shaken. She simply laughed, bumping her shoulder with his as they walked back down the hallway together.

Soon enough, complaints about pizza nights and arguments over toppings were forgotten in favour of games and laughter and fierce competition about who could beat the other at Cooking Mama. As much as Feyre had been practising her skills, Rhys had a knack for those stupid minigames that Feyre couldn’t seem to master. Between bites of pizza, handfuls of chips and pillows smacked in faces, their night carried on with their usual raucousness. As things wound down for the night, the two laid side by side in their pyjamas, snuggled under blankets and Rhys’ head Feyre’s shoulder without a care in the world. Monster House played out before them, one of many movies they had on rotation for their sleepovers together that was a certified favourite of theirs.

But Feyre couldn’t help but realise as the night drew on that there wouldn’t be as many of these sleepovers soon - the summer was nearly over, and the thought made her stomach churn a little bit. It meant that she was going to start middle school, with a whole cohort of new people to meet, new faces to judge her. She couldn’t stop shifting and fidgeting, Rhys taking notice after a while and looking down at her with worry.

“You okay, Feyre? You’re all fidgety. Usually you’re so still when we watch our movies.”

Feyre sighed a little bit - she felt silly admitting her worries and fears about middle school to Rhys. He had seemed to take to it so easily like he did with most things, a year above her due to their ages and when their birthdays fell. She sat up slightly, crossing her legs as she looked into her lap with a small grimace on her face. Deep breaths, Feyre - this was Rhysand of all people. If there was anybody she could talk about this with, it was him. She turned her body in his direction, looking at him.

“Well, I’m, um- I know it’s kinda stupid, but like… You know how I’m going to start middle school next year, right?”

Rhys cocked his head slightly, sitting up straighter alongside her. “Yeah, just like I did. What’s wrong?”

“I, uh… I’m just. I’m a little scared about the whole thing, I think. Meeting so many new kids is always a bit scary and like, what if I don’t fit in? What if everybody just thinks I’m the weird art girl or something? Other kids can be so mean, and trying to make friends is always so hard.” Feyre sniffled slightly - all these thoughts had been weighing on her for a while, but she didn’t feel comfortable enough to talk about them with anybody around her.

Anybodyexcept for him.

She wiped at her nose a little before she continued. “Plus, you’ve got Azriel and Cassian to hang out with - I’m so glad you have more friends because you’re so nice! But I’m scared I won’t be able to find friends like you have.” Feyre was hunched over, fiddling with her hands in the blanket as she talked to Rhys.

There was a beat of quiet between them for a moment, the dull sound of the CRT’s tinny speakers in the background as the action of the movie played out on screen. Feyre could feel a few tears begin to prick at the edges of her eyes before Rhys… laughed. It was small and quiet, but it was definitely a laugh.

“Feyre, you’re so scared that it’s making you forget stuff.”

She looked up at him with a quizzical frown. “Huh? What do you mean?”

Rhys smiled at her widely before pulling her into a huge, crushing hug. She was still for a moment, a small squeak of surprise escaping her before she hugged him right back with as much force as she could muster.

“We’re going to be going to the same middle school, dummy.”

“Yeah, so?”

“So, that means you don’t need to worry so much! You’ve already got one friend there. I’m the coolest, smartest person there anyways.” The two of them giggled together for a moment before breaking the hug, a smile finally breaking its way onto Feyre’s face as well as she shook her head.

“As if!” She gave him a light shove, Rhysand throwing a pillow lightly in her direction in turn.

“But for real, I’ll introduce you to Azriel and Cassian. Cassian can be a lot, and Azriel is a bit quiet, but they’re really good friends of mine. My cousin is coming to the same school as us too! She’s really fun, I think you and her will be close friends too. You’re not gonna be alone!” Rhys’ tone only got more and more filled with exuberance and delight as he kept talking. It made Feyre feel all warm and fuzzy to see Rhys find other people he connected with, making all of her worries seem a little bit lighter.

“Besides,” Rhys continued, “You’re my best friend. I’m gonna stick with you forever, remember?”

He reached out his pinky towards hers, held high and confidently between them with his signature mischievous grin on his face. Her smile had grown even wider to match his own grin, the two of them probably looking a little bit mad to anybody who happened to peek in on the two of them. Feyre reached her own pinky out, interlocking them tightly together before shaking their linked fists, almost like a handshake but with a lot more meaning and promise between the two of them.

“Yeah, I know. You’re gonna be stuck with me always.”

The credits began to roll on the TV, the high pitched sound of it shutting off as Feyre’s dad came into the room with the remote following not long after. He half-heartedly mumbled something about it being lights out, the two of them wishing him goodnight before laying in quiet silence as long as the two of them could possibly manage. They both knew what they were going to do next - it was practically a ritual at this point.

After what felt like an eternity had passed, Feyre felt Rhys nudge her arm gently with his elbow - that was her cue. She crept off of the inflatable mattress as quietly as she could manage, grabbing both of their DS consoles from the other side of the living room where they were charging out of reach. After climbing back on, she passed Rhys his, pushing down the volume on her own to zero before even daring to turn it on.

She set up the Mario Kart DS multiplayer room before the two of them hid underneath the bundles of covers, facing each other so there was no possibility that they could see each other’s screens and cheat.

“I’ve gotten sooo much better with Peach since you stayed over last time, I’m definitely gonna beat you.” Feyre whispered at him, mischief splayed all across her face.

“Maybe, but have you even unlocked R.O.B?” Rhys muttered back.

“No, show me!”

The two played late into the night, jabbing at each other and bickering as long as they could in game after game until they were inevitably caught out like clockwork.

They wouldn’t have changed a single moment of it for the world.

[mollymagician]

Using the fact that ao3’s down as a reason not to be mad at myself for finishing chapter 2 of my street artist!Dream story tonight

But I’ll post a niblit of what I got as an offering to the gods of Please Bring Our Stories Back 🙏

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As Matthew lifted his phone to snap a shot, Hob said, “Hey. Uh. Maybe don’t post this one.”

“What?” he squawked. “It’s free advertising, dude. Why not?” At Matthew’s perplexed look, Hob could only shrug.

He didn’t have to wait long for it to click “Oooohhh. I see.”

“Matt.”

“Aww.” Matthew followed him back around the front of the building and through the main entrance. For all he looked broad and soft-edged, once he latched his brain on something, he was relentless. It was like being pecked to death by ducks. Pecked to death by something, anyway. “Oh come on, man, it’s adorable.”

“Matthew, zip it.” Hob ducked past the bar, hoping he could make a quick exit into the kitchen. This wasn’t a conversation they could have out here, not if he wanted his dignity intact. Any moment now—

“Not that I’m not a fan of anyone telling Matt to zip it, but why are we telling Matt to zip it this time in particular?”

Hob sighed. Too late, he was doomed.

Dar’s russet head poked through the kitchen doors, followed by the rest of her, busily tying on an apron. They’d just opened for the day and only a few regulars had so far trickled in, at least, which meant there would be minimal witnesses to what he was about to endure.

“Our resident mysterious artist left him a token of affection on the wall in the alley and he wants to keep it all to himself.”

“Ooh!” Dar said brightly. “Tall Dark and Spooky strikes again!?” Matthew handed her his phone where the photo of the yellow and gold flames swirled in miniature. She gave a little whistle. “Oh my!”

Hob dragged a hand over his face. “It’s not a token of affection.”

“Wanna bet?” Matthew pulled out his wallet and waggled it. “Bet you ten bucks. Pounds. Whatever. Shit. What country am I in?”

“—and he’s not our mysterious artist,” Hob continued, undeterred.

“He’s decorating your pub and he likes my tea,” Dar said decisively. “That means he’s ours. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.”

“Actually I’m pretty sure most of the time you do.”

Hob wondered if noon really was too early to start drinking.

“I’m sure he’d be fine with the attention,” Matthew said, “considering that he’s dropping this stuff all over town.”

“No one knows anything about this guy, Matt,” Hob argued. But. You do, a little voice whispered in the back of his mind. You know how he likes his tea, you know his hands look cold, you know his eyes are the bluest thing you’ve ever seen— Hob shook it off and plucked the phone from Dar’s hand, closing the screen and poking it back into the front pocket of Matthew’s shirt. “You didn’t see the look he gave me last time he was here. Maybe he doesn’t actually want any kind of attention at all.”

“Well,” Dar said, flipping a dishtowel over one shoulder. “I can guess at least one type of attention he wants.” She looked past Hob and jutted her chin towards the door. Slowly, trying to be nonchalant and failing, Hob turned to glance behind him.

…you know his eyes are the bluest thing you’ve ever seen and he keeps looking at you with them…

Dream edged in through the door of the pub, cautiously. He moved, Hob thought, as though the space around him was packed with rickety shelves covered in teacups. Slow and precise. Or, as Matthew would say, like a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. As soon as his eyes met Hob’s he glanced quickly away and busied himself with settling in at his usual table.

“WELP I should be—“

“Oh look, I’m just gonna head—“

Hob watched in resigned amusement as Matthew and Dar both suddenly discovered they had somewhere else to be and nearly ran into each other trying to get there. He sighed, and set about making a cup of tea.

[mlove44lh]

Don't hurt yourself

Chapter 7 - Forgiveness

Masterlist

Previously chapter

Warnings: angst, swearing, physical violence (hahaha)

Words: 4.313

“If we're gonna heal, let it be glorious. 1,000 girls raise their arms. Do you remember being born? Are you thankful for the hips that cracked? The deep velvet of your mother and her mother and her mother? There is a curse that will be broken.”

“Y/n, please.”

I look into his eyes, and they seem to shine even from meters away. It's the calmest and most surrendered I've seen him in a long time.

I think about opening up, but I can't do it now. I need everything to go as planned tonight, even if I'm acting like a coward.

"Can you calm down and let things happen? We just had a great night after a long time, Lewis. Don't ruin this."

I don't know how I manage to finish the sentence. Lewis seems hesitant but nods slightly. I enter the bathroom before I have to hear his voice again.

The cold touch of the wooden door against my back makes me even more shivery, but I stay there, leaning for a few more seconds, still feeling him inside me.

That was my final attempt, the last approach I found that could potentially help me alleviate all of my agony and outrage.

I wanted to feel him inside me, to feel his love. I wanted him to prove to me that nothing had changed. I wanted to feel for him what I used to feel before being attacked by the person I thought was the love of my life.

Maybe if this doubt had dissipated, if I felt that nothing had changed and that I could really trust him again, then I would give up my decision and go back to him without thinking twice.

But that's not what happened.

I don't know who was with me in bed a few minutes ago, but it didn't seem like my husband.

We were stuck together, fused, sharing something as intimately as possible, yet I felt miles away from Lewis.

With every touch and every glance, the only thing that kept running through my mind was what he did to me, and what he did to her. The two of them together, just like we were a little while ago. And that made me understand that this feeling won't go away even if I wait for decades.

But at some point, I gave up trying to find something that would make me want to stay. At some point, I surrendered myself completely to him. For one last time. Without him knowing.

And honestly, I couldn't care less about how he felt about it.

I step under the running shower without waiting for the water to heat up. My warm body contrasts with the cold water, and I receive a shock that I needed.

The water runs through my body, taking away the last traces of him in me and the last traces of doubt in my mind.

Finally.

I decide to lie down next to him and postpone the feeling a little longer. I feel his body getting closer to mine, but fortunately, Lewis is satisfied with just the light contact of our arms together and doesn't go for a hug.

For some reason, I want to prolong this closeness. I want to engrave in my mind the sensation of his skin against mine, even though I am ready for a goodbye.

I stay there, motionless, waiting for any hint of regret within me for my final decision, but there is none.

I love Lewis like I never thought I would love anyone. I have lived extraordinary years by his side, and I have no regrets about anything.

Today it is finally clear that I did everything I could, and I know that I was the best wife I could be. But, even though I gave myself entirely and was the best partner, he did what he did. And, contrary to what I imagined, I am not at all to blame for it.

What Lewis did is about him and not about me. I could have done everything differently, but it would not have changed the outcome. I could not have prevented him from making such a decision.

I no longer feel guilty or inadequate. Only a great pain remains, but this time it's not accompanied by overwhelming doubts. Instead, there's relief and certainty that finally allow me to breathe.

Even if I did it behind him, I did what I had to do.

I feel exhausted, but I can't sleep for even a second. My stomach churns with anxiety over all the things going through my mind. It takes hours until I give up on trying to sleep and get up from the king-size bed.

I prepare my luggage before anything else. I know how heavy Lewis' sleep is, but even so, I do everything carefully and silently, without the slightest intention of waking him up at this moment.

I watch him sleep as I pack only the essentials into the suitcase.

I remember the day we arrived at this apartment, with the excitement and joy of starting a new life together in such a special place. The house was perfect for us, with everything we needed to build a happy home. Every corner of the apartment was filled with our essence, and the memories of the happy moments we spent here were abundant.

However, everything changed over time. Since the day I lived through the worst experience of my life here and all the things that came after, the happiness I felt in this place dissipated. Now it's hard to be in this apartment without feeling deep anguish, a suffocating sensation that takes hold of my chest. The once-welcoming house has become an oppressive environment.

Leaving here was already in our plans, but I never imagined that one day I would leave without Lewis by my side.

Carefully, I take the paperwork out of my bag and sit at the dining table, staring at the papers in my hand. Since I first got my hands on them a few days ago, I have already read every word in the document at least 200 times.

The house is completely silent. Sunlight is streaming through the large living room window, and though I know I don't have much time, I also know I can't rush what I need to do.

“Divorce Agreement”

Every time I read these words, the pain increases even more.

“Marriage is forever.” I've heard and kept these words inside me my whole life. I even spoke these words to Lewis hours before we got married.

It's a sacred contract, a serious promise that must be fulfilled by both parties until death do us part.

And we promised, we made vows, we swore before God and the state. We merged into one for eternity. And we did it with enough sobriety and happiness to believe it would be eternal.

I could never, not even for a second, imagine that all of this would end up on a white paper stained by tears and pen ink.

Despite having thought deeply and considered every aspect of my life and marriage in the last few days, even though I'm finally decided, it still hurts to the point of being almost unbearable.

I didn't want this, I didn't choose this, yet I feel like the worst part has fallen on my shoulders, not on the one who made mistakes.

I could have accepted anything except for dishonesty. That was the only thing I asked for, I didn't need anything else if I could trust my husband, but Lewis took that away from me.

And I can't spend the rest of my life with someone I don't trust anymore.

I hold the blue pen so tightly that my hand shakes.

I think of Lewis, who is peacefully asleep and doesn't expect what he'll find when he wakes up.

I should wait for him. We should talk about this like adults. I know I'm being cowardly and shouldn't act this way, but it was the only way I found to do this without getting even more hurt.

I don't know if he will sign it too, and I don't know if he will keep insisting on something that is already over, but all I want right now is to finish this as soon as possible. All I can do is do my part and hope that everything is quick and as painless as possible.

I analyze the entire document and check every detail of the agreement.

Our prenuptial agreement theoretically facilitates the division of everything and thus makes the dissolution of the marriage easier. Because of this, I feel more hopeful about this process going faster, since things become clear once we have an agreement on this since the day we got married. But I know it won't be as simple as signing a document. There is a lot at stake, especially for Lewis. This will go through every lawyer in town, there may be hearings, it could take an eternity, and just thinking about it already exhausts me.

My handwriting comes out a little different as I sign each paper of the document. Tears fall without ceremony, I don't even notice them at first. My broken heart can physically ache. I am bombarded by so many emotions that I couldn't even name them all. There is sadness, fear, pain, and anger, but there is also relief and hope. All of these things in equal measure, it's like I could explode with all the things passing through me.

But when I finish signing, it's like everything goes back to complete silence within me.

It all came to an end as I never imagined it would one day. And in the end, it's not him who receives forgiveness, it's myself.

Lewis is sleeping peacefully on his stomach, with no signs of waking up anytime soon. I sit down next to him, the lighting is low, but I can see every detail of his exposed skin. I place my hand on the middle of his back, touching the tips of my fingers carefully before placing my palm. Lewis sighs but remains unconscious.

I can't tell if I'm still crying, but the lump in my throat returns as soon as I feel him under my hand. His back rises and falls with each breath, and I spend some time analyzing every detail as if all of this wasn't already etched in my memory.

When I finally decide to leave, I place the papers on my side of the bed and leave the room, only taking my eyes off Lewis when the door closes.

I finally leave the apartment. I finally made the decision I needed to make.

-

The sunny weather in Milan makes me feel slightly better. The car drives through the quiet streets. Yet despite the calmness, I still feel my heart beating faster than usual.

“Do you know what you're going to do now?” Alessia breaks the silence in the car. Since I told her what I did, she hasn't said many words to me besides providing comfort. I don't think there's anything to be said at this moment that would make me think more than I already have in the past few days. I'm just happy with her presence.

“I'm going to spend the day with my best friend now. When I come back, maybe I'll rent a place to stay until everything is resolved. It's not like I want to go back to that apartment anyway.”

"Do you think he signed?”

I shrug.

“I hope so.” I look back outside the car. “Probably. Lewis knows that just me deciding to file for divorce means there's no turning back. I pushed myself to my limit for a reconciliation. Now it really has come to an end."

“And how are you feeling?”

“I'm fine. I don't think it has fully sunk in yet. I have some things to sort out before putting an end to all of this. Besides, I have to prepare myself. It may take months for everything to be resolved.”

Alessia doesn't take her gaze off me while I alternate mine between her and the streets of Milan.

We remain silent long enough to give me the impression that the conversation has ended.

“You're not going to leave Monaco, are you?” Her voice is low and she even seems a little embarrassed to ask me that.

“I haven't thought about it yet. But I don't think I can stay in Monaco. That place is microscopic, I'd see him everywhere.

"But it has become your home, our home. We dreamed of this, remember?”

I smile at her, remembering every step of when we did the craziest thing in our lives, giving up everything to live our dream in Monte Carlo. It would be really hard to disappoint my former self and leave this city behind. But I'm afraid it might be the only way to deal with all of this.

We don't take long to reach our final destination.

A large white hall without any sign on its facade is what awaits us. The glass doors show a few people walking inside. It's a simple place, an independent exhibition. Sometimes Alessia takes the hobby of finding new artists before anyone else very seriously.

She goes ahead while I stay in her shadow. I don't usually accompany her on her business trips, but any distraction is welcome right now.

“Oh. I didn't think I would find these people here. I mean, the boy is good, but God, this is surprising. Henry warned me to keep an eye on this guy.” She says as she walks around the small exhibition.

“What do you mean?!"

“Do you see that woman over there?” Alessia discreetly points to a lady at the end of the hallway. “Margaret Williams, one of the biggest art investors in the world. And let's just say she's far from being the most influential person here. For a 24-year-old boy in his second exhibition, I must say I'm impressed.”

“Well, you're here. That already means something too. You have the biggest gallery in Monaco. I'm sure this boy would kill to be there.”

“Taking into consideration the size of Monaco, that's not something so surprising.”

Alessia laughs at her own comment. I lightly tap her shoulder.

"I'll take a look around and see if I find the prodigy boy. Will you wait for me?" I nod in agreement. "I promise to finish quickly so we can enjoy Milan."

“It's okay. Take your time.”

After all, it was me who got myself involved in Alessia's work out of fear of staying at home.

I watch her walk for a few seconds before turning around and finding something to distract myself.

I would like to appreciate a work of art as I should, but I have no imagination or patience to see what everyone seems to admire. I leave this activity to Alessia.

I walk through the bright hall with no intention of lingering on anything. I stop to analyze some works, but it doesn't last long.

"Y/n. What a nice surprise!"

Hearing his voice makes my stomach turn before I even turn to him.

Matteo has a smile on his face as he looks me up and down.

Hell no. What are the chances?!

I look around him, searching for the girl, but I don't find her nearby and assume that Matteo is alone.

Too soon.

“Matteo. How are you?” I try not to let my reaction show on my face.

“I'm doing good. Yeah.”

“What brings you here?”

He puts one hand in his trouser pocket, his protruding belly making the task seem a little more difficult than it is.

"I have a house a few blocks away. We're spending a few days here. I decided to come to the exhibition. You know I like art, and this boy seems to be pretty good."

So she's here?! The possibility of running into Jordyn is enough to make me want to run away from here.

“Oh. I see” I swallow hard and look around for anything to get me out of this conversation.

“What about you? Is Lewis around here? I bet you guys are enjoying these last days of the break, hum.”

The tone in her voice disgusts me.

“Oh no, I came with a friend, but I'll be heading back to Monaco soon.”

Matteo finally seems to realize that there isn't much more to get from this conversation. We know each other, but we never exchanged many words. Everything always boiled down to Lewis. And that's not a subject that interests me at the moment.

He nods before starting to move. Matteo comes closer to me and puts his hand on my shoulder.

“If Lewis focuses a little more on what he actually needs, maybe he'll do better this year."

He says before moving away. I don't force a smile at the man. I look at him uncertainly. I don't know if Matteo knows what happened or if he said that because he's afraid of what another bad year will do to his investments.

I follow the opposite direction of Matteo. I search for Alessia with my eyes but give up calling her when I notice that she is engaged in a conversation. I climb a staircase placed at the back of the hall and come across a small terrace. I'm happy with the discovery. I can hide for some time at least.

Only a guy is standing there, the cigarette burning between his fingers.

I stand next to him and try to avoid going to him and asking for one. But I look at the Camel and feel the urge for its nicotine.

“Scusa. Puoi darmi una sigaretta?”

The guy stares at me before smiling.

He takes the pack out of his pocket and hands me one of the cigarettes, then helps me light it with his lighter.

“Grazie.”

I take a drag from the cigarette before moving away from the boy. I sit on one of the benches before reaching for my phone.

I expected to have many messages from Lewis waiting for me. But I only find one.

“Is that really what you want?”

I'm not sure how I feel about it. I don't want to see him insisting, but anyway, this single message hurts me a little

I stare at the message for some time. I scroll up our conversation screen several times, trying to find the past, trying to remember how things used to be when everything seemed easier and more beautiful.

I read some 'I love yous' and all the 'what time will you be back?' messages I sent. I go through photos from trips, baby clothes, and all the conversations we had in the early hours of the morning when we were far from each other.

How did we get here? When was the exact moment of rupture? The loss of our child? His infidelity? When do we stop caring?

They told me I should wait for the moment when my marriage would "cool off", they told me it was normal. But this is not normal. Indifference cannot exist, and it cannot be treated as something usual.

Maybe the mistakes started long before all the turbulence we went through. Maybe the mistakes started when we stopped caring. But we ignored it and got here, To the end.

I type the messages calmly as the smoke from the cigarette invades my lungs.

"I think I made that clear."

"Just talk to your lawyer."

The door slams shut, and the boy is no longer there. But another person enters the space. The last person I would like to see at the moment.

She backs up a bit when she notices me but doesn't go back, she walks a few steps closer to me.

I remain seated, still smoking as I look at her.

The daylight allows me to see the person in front of me better. I thought I would feel bad when I saw her again, but I don't feel anything.

I stand up and walk past her to the ashtray. I leave the remaining cigarette there and walk towards the door. But her voice stops me from going any further.

“You left him, didn't you?!” I turn to face her. Jordyn looks at me. “At least that would be the right thing to do.”

“Oh yeah?! And why is that?”

I step closer to her, my heels making me taller than the woman.

"He likes me, Y/n. It wouldn't make sense to continue with him after what we had.”

She seems to be serious. I don't know the girl, but I can feel that there is indeed some feeling coming from her. And that makes me laugh.

"It wasn't you who destroyed my marriage. He did to you what he would have done to anyone else. But that doesn't make me hate you any less or think of you as anything more than a cheap slut."

She seems shaken after hearing what I said.

I notice her biting her cheek before speaking again.

“It was much more than weeks, Y/n. How do you think the bracelet ended up there? I knew he wouldn't have the courage to leave you.” Jordyn takes a few steps back before continuing. “Not after what happened.”

Her comment makes me even more alert.

“He told me everything. That you can't keep his baby no matter what. That’s fucked up girl.”

My heart breaks even more with her words. I can't imagine how Lewis would be capable of doing something like that. I hope and try to believe that it's all just a lie. That she found this out in some other way that wasn't from him.

"Shut the fuck up, You don't know anything.” I whisper.

"The resentment was so huge that I really didn't understand how he went back to you every night. I gave him what he needed and in return, I received promises. Believe what you want, Y/n.”

My chest burns with anger. I turn around and try to walk away before I do something I'll regret, but she keeps talking.

"At least you stayed quiet as you should. Good thing you understand what I could do to you." She laughs. "He did tell me that you were a domesticated slut."

I only realize what I did when I feel the burning in my palm. The woman's turned face is covered by loose strands of hair. A moment of silence fills the space.

The small red dots begin to appear on her face. In just a few seconds, it's already clear that the slap will leave a mark. Her teary eye shows shock. I'm also shocked by what I did, but I can't deny that the sensation was fucking awesome.

"Go ahead. I can't wait to see what you're going to do with that."

I leave the outside area afraid of what I might continue to do if I stay here.

Jesus, I just hit a fucking child.

I quickly walk over to Matteo. My breathing is fast and I'm so nervous that I feel my whole body shaking.

When I get close enough, I hit his chest with my hand. The impact is not strong, but my hand burns even more. He looks at me scared.

“You can be many things, but naive is not one of them. You know what's going on, don't you?! You know you have a gold-digging whore as a fiancée.”

I try to contain my voice, but I'm not sure if I succeed.

He puts his hand around my wrist and holds it gently.

“What are you talking about?”

“Your little fiancée is sleeping with my husband.”

Matteo's eyes shift from mine towards the door behind me. I can hear her footsteps, but I don't move to look at her.

I keep my eyes fixed on Matteo's, who soon turns his gaze back to mine.

"What have you done, Y/n?"

"Less than she deserves, for sure." I take my hand away from his grasp. "Do whatever you want, I don't give a shit anymore.”

I move away from Matteo and leave the hall.

My only concern is if anyone besides the three of us noticed anything.

There are no more choked tears or imminent sadness, I feel like laughing just remembering the sound of my hand slapping her face.

It's like I've acquired a thick shell. I don't think I can be shocked anymore by the things I discover, nor do I think I can be hurt more by Lewis.

Maybe I'm becoming more immune to a broken heart. Or maybe I'm just fed up with suffering for someone like him.

At least I found out, the real Lewis did this to me.

Author’s note: Let me know if you liked the slap hahaha. I thought a lot about whether I should include it or not.

The next chapter will be the last one😢. I'm happy to be finishing this story, even though I've loved every comment from you guys. But I'll save the love declarations for the next chapter haha. I hope to be able to post it real soon. Thanks for the love and I hope you enjoyed it.

Taglist:

@slafgoalskybaby , @justanormalfangirlsworld, @ravenqueen27 , @nakamotosmoron, @supersanelyromantic , @maryseesthings , @bebesobrielo, @tenaciousathleteoperatorgarden, @bbhyuneee , @missamericana69 , @thotsposts , @neymessisstuff , @tita010 , @dangeroustacoalienbiscuit , @livingpurposee @leilaxaliel

If you want to be put on, or taken off my taglist, please let me know!

[lyn-js]

Dancing under the Moonlight | Chapter 2. Love in the Limelight

Bradley Bradshaw x OC Reader (Nickname Honey)

Summary: After the Uranium Mission, Bradley Bradshaw decides he wants to settle down. Maybe even start a family at some point in time. But he felt so tired (and old) to be in the dating scene. That's until he sees a beautiful new bartender at The Hard Deck. Not only that; turns out she's Penny's niece, Beatrice. They both hit it off amazing, but for some reason, Beatrice isn't letting her walls down yet. But Bradley is going to get to the bottom of what Bea's big secret is.

Warnings: Swearing, angst, drinking, mentions of past abuse, fluff, eventually smut 18+, age gap (24 & 35)

It was finally the weekend!! Even though this was gonna be a group outing, you wanted to try your best to dress a little nice for Bradley. 

Chantal was with you when you were getting ready, even your Aunt and cousin were a little worried about you. You changed three times in 5 minutes. You changed your hairstyle so many times your hair could probably stick up with all the hairspray you have in it. But you just went with a simple top and some jean shorts. You finally come jutting down the stairs, and everyone's eyes are on you. 

Chantal gets up from the couch and makes her way to the front door with her bag and keys. “You finally decided on something?” you just give her a little nod, while also grabbing your bag and keys. But when you turn back she is giving you a sympathetic smile. “We are going to have fun tonight, Okay? Stop worrying about what he’ll think of you. Plus, if he doesn't like it, you can drop his ass.” you both let out a chuckle. But you're stopped when you see Penny walk up to you both. “Yea listen to C. Don’t worry so much about how you look. Go and have fun, pulse you are already beautiful. Since the day you were born.” She gently caresses your cheek, and then gives you a small kiss in the same spot. You try and hold back the tears that were welling in your eyes. You remember your mom always saying that to you when you were feeling down, or sad. She would always know how to make you smile again. But, now that she’s gone you never really heard those words again. Ever since then, your Aunt Penny has tried so hard to be a mom to you, and you will always be grateful for her doing that. You kiss her back and hug Ames, also promising her that you will try and get her a prize from the bowling alley. So, you and Chantal make your way out, budding goodbye to your Aunt, and make your way over to The Hard Deck for your shift.

Before Chantal starts up her vintage cherry red Mustang, “Hey C, are the girls still on to join us?” I ask when I finish buckling into my seat. She chuckles and gives me a warm smile, “Hell yeah girl! When I told them we were having a girl's night, while also spotting some cute aviators by our side. Honey, I could even get the question out fast enough without them saying yes. She puts on her sunglasses, starts the car, and off The Hard Deck, we go.

Just as when Chantal is pulling into the parking lot you spot the infamous Blue Bronco, and you’re practically jumping out of the moving car, trying to get in the bar as fast as possible so you can see the one person you've been dying to see for days now.

(Bradley’s POV)

When I hear the doors open at the front I whip my head around and see the girl I’ve been waiting for all day. Nat pauses her game of pool with Bob to come see what I’m losing my head over. But, she looks in my field of direction and sees a brunette girl, who seems to be with her friend looking around for somebody. When they look over in our direction she sees the brunette face light up when she looks at Rooster. That must be the “mystery girl” he keeps talking to. So, they make their way over.

I see Beatrice come crashing over to us, and she gives me a small wave, and a small “Hi.”

“Are we still on for tonight pretty girl,” I ask her. But the next second she freezes up, like the wind got knocked out of her. Why the hell would you say that? She probably thinks you're crazy for calling her that!

But I see her take a deep breath and try and speak to me. “Y-yeah… I’ll call the rest of my friends to come meet us here.” She seemed to snap out of whatever daze she was in to see the person next to her nudging her in the ribs.

She looks over at her friend whom she finally introduces. “Oh, everyone this is my best friend Chantal. Chantal this is Lieutenant. Bradley Bradshaw, Lieutenant. Robert Floyd, and Lieutenant. Natasha Trace.” She gives a silent wave to me and Bob. But, when I look over to see Nat, for some reason I see a little glimmer in her eye. I know for a fact that she would kick me in the balls if I said anything about it to her. So for now, I just keep my piece and focus my attention back on Bea.

We have a light conversation for a couple of minutes until she has to be on the clock. But as soon as she leaves, I already miss her presents, even though she is right up at the bar a couple of feet away. It feels like she’s miles away from me. I just want to be near her all the time. 

Within the hour more of the squad makes its way into the bar, and when they do, Bea makes her stops to introduce herself along with Chantal. Who I might add has taken up all of Natasha’s attention by talking each other’s ears off. So, for the rest of her shift, I would come up from time to time, seeing if she was alright, and watch her over from the pool tables.

I stop focusing on the game of pool to see Hangman making his way over to Beatrice.

(Back to Your POV)

After some grueling hours wiping down tables, making drinks, and trying my best not to crack underpressure. I’m finally done tonight. Luckily Aunt Penny came in an hour later, so we wouldn’t be swamped with so many people at the bar.

Just as I’m about to head out from behind the bar, out of the corner of my eye, I see someone come up. I wanted to assume it was Bradley to come check on me for the fourth time tonight. But when I turned around to see a tall, blond, cocky-looking man leaning over the bar top with a toothpick in his mouth. 

For some reason, I walk back over to see what he wants. I don’t even get the question out of what he would like when he starts to speak up. “What’s a pretty girl like you doing behind a bar?” “I’m getting off my shift right now,” I tell him.

“Well, why don’t you come out with me and my friends tonight? Probably hit the town. I might even take you somewhere private.” He gives me a mischievous smile while raising his eyebrows at me. He probably doesn’t know that I’m with the group tonight. So I’ll just play a little game with him, until he gets the hint.

“I’m sorry…” genuinely asking for his name, but still playing dumb with him. “Hangman. But you can call me Jake darlin’,” he says to me while he flicks the other end of the toothpick around in his mouth.

I’m sorry… Jake. But I don’t feed off of protein powder, and small dick insecurity,” I smile back at him. He falters a little but comes back in seconds. “Oh, I like em’ feisty. How about I leave you my number and call me sometime?” I just give a little chuckle and seize up to him so he can also stand up straight.

“Yea, call me and let me know when you can actually satisfy a woman in bed.” Just as he was about to say something else, Bradley came up to the bar top and stood next to Jake. I smile ear to ear when he arrives, and I can see the same expression on his face. I pan over to Jake and see him a whole lot little shocked.

“H-hey Bradley,” you tell him with a little bit of weariness in my voice. “Hey Bea, are we ready to go?” he asked back. I was about to say that I needed to ask Penny first if I could go. But she already beat me to it, coming up behind me to answer his question.

“She’s all yours Rooster. Just bring her back home in one piece. Okay?” He just gives a little salute back to her which of course makes me laugh.

 After that, I get out from behind the bar and go right into Bradley’s side. But all of a sudden we stop and he pulls me closer to his body already giving me more chills down my spine and leans down to whisper to me, “He wasn’t giving you any problems was he?” He asks in a curious tone.

“Don’t worry B, I straightened him out a little bit.” Out of the blue, he kisses my temple and mumbles “That’s my girl” to himself, but you hear him anyways. He probably didn’t mean it. You think to yourself.

So, after everyone wrapped up with their pool and darts games it was time to go bowling.

After Chantal and Natasha convinced me it was a good idea to ride over to the alley with Bradley. We both knew what was up their tricky little sleeves, so me and Bradley told them they should ride together also. 

That’s how you ended up in the passenger seat of Bradley’s Bronco when pulling up to the bowling alley. 

After he parks the car, we see Chantal and Nat pull right in next to us and then comes the rest of the squad. When you try and open the door, you’re stopped by Bradley who’s moving closer to you while closing the door. I just look back at him.

“What are you doing pretty girl?” he asks me with raised eyebrows. Opening the door… What are you doing?” He looked dumbfounded at this point when I was answering that question. “Bea, my mother would be rolling in her grave if she found out I let you open your own door. Ya know I can feel her right now telling me off for not being a gentleman. 

Now I was dumbfounded. I did want to ask him about what happened, but I didn’t want to pressure him into talking about stuff that was hard for him. So, I’m not going to get into it with him. He rushes out of the driver seat and comes running over to the passenger side to be a gentleman and open my door. 

As I’m unbuckling I see him open my door, and give the fanciest bow he could give, and so I just play along. “Oh, ever the gentlemen!” I put my heart on my chest. But then jump out and follow everyone in.

When you get in you and Chantal, go ahead of everyone to see your friends Jesse, Georgia, Scarlett, Coco, and Rose. We all walk them over to the other group to introduce them to each other. 

When you get a good look at the other guys from the group, it almost looks like their eyes are about to fall out of their sockets.

But you let the girls get to introduce themselves, and they seem to be enjoying it. Maybe enjoying themselves a little too much, but we all make our way to the front to get our lanes ready.

Once we got into our lanes, we decided to split the girls and the guys.

Then we were paired up, Javy and Coco, Micky and Rose, Ruben and Jesse, Bob and Georgia, Jake and Scarlett, Natashe and Chantal, and finally Bradley and Beatrice. 

We went into three different lanes, and of course, there was an odd number of people that left me and Bradley in one lane by ourselves. I even see Chantal and Nat in the lane next to us giving lovely Dovey looks at me and Bradley. But I can see the same feeling when Chantal is with Nat. 

A couple of years ago Chantal came out to you as bisexual, You asked her why she hadn’t told you sooner. 

Her answer was that you wouldn’t want to be friends with her if she told. That made you want to slap her silly and tell her she was completely wrong. At the end of that night, you both ended up in your bed cuddling while eating junk food, with lots of tears and telling her if she ever gets her heart broken, you will hunt that person down to the end of their days.

So, you can truly believe Natasha was a good person, and you truly believed she would love Chantal till the end of time. 

You could only wish that could happen to you.

And Hour goes by and you all are having a good time, eating, drinking and laughing our asses off. You don’t know who, but someone started a bet with each lane.

If someone misses the lane, and the ball goes in the gutter. That lane would have to do 50 push-ups. I feel really terrible for me and Bradley because when it was my turn I would go up I would miss. 

Every single time!

You can’t really remember what count you’re both on. It might be 150… or 60. But you would just always look over at Bradley and feel really bad that he was also doing this punishment with you.

After you both are finally done with that count, you walk back to the seats, sit down, and finally get a chance to breath. You look over, and your face on with his arm. His muscles look so defined and huge. You just want to wrap your arms around them and never let go.

We are out having a good time. Now stop thinking about him like that Bea!

I finally spoke up and said something. “I’m really sorry we’re making us do push-ups. Not really expecting work to come follow you.” I put my head down. Shying away from him looking at me. “Hey, Bea… look at me, pretty girl.” When I look up he takes his finger and puts it under my chin so we are making direct contact with his hazel irises. “You don’t need to apologize. It just bowling. Plus, at least I can be able to do them with you and not Jake.”

We both giggle, but that stops when we see Chantal and Natasha making kissing noises at us. So, together you and Bradley both flip them off and return back to your game.

Once again Bradley makes a strike on his turn, he comes over to give you a high five and sits next to you. When you look up to see your name highlighted on the monitor telling you it is your turn, you just let out a sigh and brace yourself to get down on the floor and do another round of push-ups.

But all of a sudden when you are about to swing your ball back you feel a pair of hands on your shoulders stopping you.

You turn around and see it was Bradley, he comes down so he can talk to you. “I think you might need help instead of just wracking your ball in the gutter,” he tells me while pointing to our lane. “Well, teach me. See if I’m really any good,” I give him a little smirk, and Bradley copies the same expression on his face.

He stands behind you, and your back is flush against his front. And wrapping his arms around your own, almost looking like he was holding the bowling ball himself.

He bends down a little so he can talk to me again, “What you want is a good stance.” So he moves his hands from the ball and bends down to move you legs to the same position he’s in. 

“Then, bring your arms back” he puts his burly hands over you and you both swing the ball back and then down the lane it goes.

It feels like you’ve been holding your breath for an eternity, feeling like the ball was going down the land so slowly and just waiting for it to hit the pins.

Then you hear the pins fall. You finally got a strike. When you see all the pins disappear, you start to freak out with excitement. Squealing and jumping up and down like a kid in a candy store. Then you turn around to give Bradley a big hug, and he wraps his arms around you and spins you in circles. 

“Did you see that? I got a strike bitches!” You yell at the top of your lungs. You see everyone from the group cheer for you, even the people from the other lanes whistle for your lucky shot.

You look up at the monitor and see the little animation for the strike. It stops and tells you that your turn is still up. So you turn back to him, “I didn’t think I learned the first time. Can you show me again?” you ask him with a cheeky grin. “For you pretty girl, anything.” So you get your ball from the ball return, and wait for Bradley to come up behind you, and help you get back in your stance.

This night can’t get any better.

Once we were all done with the bowling alley, there was a beautiful sunset, and there was a boardwalk nearby. So, we all got in our cars and made our way over there.

When we all got there we decided to split up for a little bit when some of the group wanted to go on rides or go play some carnival games.

But, you and Bradley just decide to walk around not to do anything, and just wanting to be in each other's presence. While along the walk, you and Bradley kept brushing your hands together, not knowing how were going to initiate the first move. But before you can think, you take a leap and pick up Bradley’s hand and interlock your and his together. He doesn't want to make you uncomfortable so he keeps looking outwards at everything around him.

But you could feel him give your hand a gentle squeeze, and a couple of seconds later he brought your interlocked hands up to his lips and gave your knuckles a light kiss. Your heart was about to explode out of your chest you were so happy. So, you wrap your other hand around his bicep and continue on your quiet stroll.

You almost forgot to get Amelia a prize from the arcade at the bowling alley, so you dragged Bradley over to one of the games to try and win a small prize. And of course, you have no luck when trying to win any games, so you let Bradley try. 

And of course, he wins the first time, and the second, and third. Now, you were carrying a giant teddy bear and two smaller prizes to his Bronco.

How is he so fucking good at everything? I wonder if he’s this good in bed-

“Would you care to have a walk with me on the beach?” he closes the door to the backseat where the bear was occupying his giant, fluffy frame. “Don’t mind if I do Lieutenant.” You both take off your shoes, interlock your hands again, and descend to the sandy shoreline.

You both walk in silence for a little bit before you both speak up at the same time. But he lets you go first. “Bradley… what is… what is this thing between us?” you ask him. But I cut him off. “Well, I know what it is… maybe. I just don’t want one of us to get the wrong signals, and in the end, someone gets hurt-” his finger cuts you off on your lips to make your stupid ass stop rambling. 

“Listen, Bea, I definitely know what this is, and trust me, nobody is going to get hurt. By the looks of it, we both know something is here between us.” “I… can we just take this slow for a little bit please?” “Absolutely pretty girl.” 

You see him grab something out of his back pocket and unravel a cord. You see him offer you an earbud. And hold up what looks to be like a very janky iPod Shuffle. Your mouth is agape when you see him put the opposite earbud in his ear. “Care for a dance, m’lady?” 

I’m still in shock, but I let out a hardy laugh. “Bradley Bradshaw I know for a fact you did not bring an iPod on the beach to slow-dance with me!” I’m still laughing when he starts to sway from side to side. My laughing dies down, and I eventually give in.

I grab the unused earbud place it in my ear, and see him press play. Some 80s hit play, even though they were super upbeat, we swayed in silence. One part listening to music, the other listening to the waves crash on the shore.

‘You’re Gonna Miss Me’ by Connie Francis starts playing. you look down a little, to see a gold chain peaking out of his shirt. You don’t know why but you reach up and touch the cross. You look up at him finding he already had his eyes on you. “It used to be my mom's. But after…” Now I’m the one to cut him off. “Hey, if you don’t want to talk about it, I’m not gonna force you. Plus, I don’t want you to feel like you have to tell me everything-” He steps closer connecting both of your lips to his own.

It wasn’t a harsh kiss, to say the least, it was soft and gentle. But you know there was so much more behind it. But you are not getting into that right now. 

So, keep kissing this really attractive guy it is.

You both break apart and connect your foreheads, both trying to catch your breath. “That was… fun,” you both let out a chuckle. You suddenly speak up, “Honey.” you move away from him a little bit to see his eyebrows raised. “My nickname is Honey. I only let people call me that if they’re close to me.” 

He just nods and gives you a soft kiss on the lips. “Okay, Honey.” then he wraps you into his embrace, and continues to sway back and forth listing to the rest of the song.

Finally, for once in your life, you’re wrong for the right reason. And you're pretty damn happy about that.

Reblogs are always welcome. Unless you're under 18. I will block you. and comment if you want to be added to the taglist. If I forgot anybody message me and let me know. You will be added.

Taglist: @caitsymichelle13 @shanimallina87 @angelbabyyy99 @callsign-magnolia @nerdgirljen

Once again dividers are by @saradika

[crazyk-imagine]

Time Continues when You Stay

Pairing: Jake “Hangman” Seresin x Civillian!eader 

Characters: Jake “Hangman” Seresin, Civillian!reader, Reader’s friends (Sammy, Danielle, and Cassie), Javy “Coyote” Machado, Robert “Bob” Floyd, Natasha “Phoenix” Trace, Reuben “Payback” Fitch, Mickey “Fanboy” Garcia

Warnings: Minor use of curse words, fluff, slight angest, Jake making some smexy comments, the infamous thigh squeeze, Jake and reader are the sluts of the group, Bob and Sammy make a close second, Javy lives to make fun of Jake, the squad made another bet, this starts off as cute and gets slightly darker, the squad cares about Jake 

Word Count: 1,656

A/N: Did I forget I finished this earlier this week? Maybe. Did I post this before working on the second chapter of another one of my stories? Maybe. Am I listening to Shane and Ryan play mortuary assistant while doing this and then switch to my new obsession One Tree Hill? Yes. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“One uber ride for a future Mrs. Seresin.” 

You scoff as you sit down. "Now you're on board with the nickname they gave me." 

"I figured why try to fight it when they won’t stop." 

"Oh, you're so sweet." 

"I know I am, that’s why you like me." 

"Right now, I'm trying to figure out why I do." 

"Hey, hey," he reaches over and places his hand on your thigh, lightly squeezing it. "You know you're only lying to yourself." 

"You mean you are." 

"Shut up." 

"Now who's getting their feelings hurt," you tease him. 

"Keep talking like that and you won't be walking right at the bar tonight." 

"Promises, promises." 

-

"Look who finally decided to show up." 

You roll your eyes at Javy’s comment. "Look at the whore." 

"Hey!" Your friend Danielle shouts. 

"I was talking to your boyfriend," you smirk. 

"Hey, not cool. I'm the one that helped get you two together," he points to the two of you. "So, really, you should be thanking me... or naming your first kid after me, whatever comes first." 

"Wow." You lean your head on his shoulder, "he's been hanging around you for too long." 

Now it's Jake's turn to scoff. "That's hurtful, sweetheart." 

"I'm not sorry." 

"I know and that's why I'm thinking of your punishment for later now." 

"Gross." 

"At least they're not as bad as Bob and Sammy," Danielle points out. 

"They could be worse than them if given enough alcohol," Javy adds. "Even then they go to the bathroom drunk as hell. They have the decency to pretend like they aren't gonna fuck." 

"Hey, hey. We don't expose you so, you don't need to expose me like that.” 

“There’s no fun in that,” Danielle teases you before walking away and her boyfriend following after her. 

“Are we as slutty as they say we are?” You ask him. 

“I don’t think so.” 

“We are,” you whine to yourself. 

“That’s rude of you to say sweetheart.” 

“If you’re saying somethings not so slutty then it is. You’re the prime slut of the group.” 

“You sure you’re not thinking of Chicken?” 

“Oh, I know I’m not.” 

“This calls for an early punishment.” 

“No,” you tell him, keeping him at arm’s length as you run away until he catches you and wraps his arms around you, pulling you into him. 

-

Natasha shakes her head, passing Mickey and Reuben forty dollars, a twenty-dollar bill to each of them. 

“I told you he’d act sappy with her,” Reuben says, while counting the money in a taunting manner. 

“Would you cut it out and give me my share?” Mickey snatches the money from his friend. 

“Leave them alone. They’re happy,” Bob chimes in. 

“Oh, look. The other sluts have arrived,” Natasha teases him. 

He adjusts his glasses avoiding everyone’s gazes. “That’s- that’s- you guys are being rude.” 

Sammy stands beside him, wrapping an arm around his waist. “Are you guys being mean to my Bobby boo?” 

“Us being mean to your boy toy,” Mickey starts off. 

“Never,” Reuben adds, wrapping his arm around Mickey and Natasha’s shoulders. 

-

“I love this.” You spin around in his arms, holding him by his waist as you rock side to side. 

“Love what?” He pulls your arms off him and spins you around, pulling you into a slow dance. 

“A lot of things.” 

“What kind of things?” 

“Oh, you know. This.” 

The corner of his lips tugs upwards, “and what does this entail? I’m going to need some more details. I need you to use your words, sweet girl.” 

You sink your teeth into your bottom lip before smiling. “I love… the fact that you got enough courage to ask me for my number and here we are.” 

“Oh, is that what you’re saying happened?” 

“Yeah, because it’s the truth.” 

“I wouldn’t say that I needed to gather enough courage to ask for your number.” He spins you again. 

“You did though.” 

“Nah, I just needed to get my feet moving to get to you before your uber showed up.” 

“Same thing.” 

“Not really because I was going with the feeling.” 

“What feeling?” 

He keeps one arm around your waist and holds your free hand with his. “You remember when you asked how I felt when I’m in the sky?” 

You nod. 

“I can remember pushing myself through the crowd and out the door to get to you and my heart…” 

“Your heart stopped?” You joke with a light chuckle. 

“Almost.” 

You quiet down, staring at him as he avoids your gaze as your hands slide up his arms and settle around his neck. 

“My body was in auto pilot, and I was behind you out that door asking you for your number feeling as buzzed as I do after flying.” 

You hum, curling your arms further around his neck, hugging him. 

He smiles, tucking his head into your neck. 

“I’m glad you told me that.” 

“Don’t let it go to your head,” he mumbles against your skin. 

“Too late.” 

You pull back and stare into his eyes. “I need you to wake up.” 

He furrows his brows. “What?” 

“Wake up. I can’t- I can’t lose you, Jake.” 

“Sweetheart, what are you-” 

-

“I need you to wake up,” you sniffle. “I can’t look any of your friends in the face and tell them you’re gone. I know it’s selfish of me to ask but please don’t make me do that, honey.” 

-

He blinks and everything is gone. “Sweetheart? Hey, sweetheart? Where’d you go?” 

-

You squeezed his hand tighter when he begins to lightly jerk his legs, pushing yourself out of the stupidly annoying (for no reason) hospital chair. “Jake. Jake. Hey, hey Jake.” 

He opens his eyes and stops, the feeling of your hand on his head gets him to shiver. 

“Hey there,” you greet him with a teary-eyed smile. 

“Hey,” he replies, sounding horse and in need of water. 

You hand him the cup of water Bradley got you earlier that day but never drank. “How are you feeling? I should get the doctor.” You point over your shoulder, “I’m going to go get the doctor.” 

“No,” he shakes his head, reaching for you, wincing at the pain in his side. “Don’t leave,” he groans. 

“Jake, stop coming closer and lay down you mad man.” 

“How’d they let you in? Isn’t it supposed to be immediate family only?” 

You avoid his gaze and fluff his pillow. “I may have told them we were a step further… in our relationship than we actually were.” 

He smiles. 

“And what was that?” 

“We’re engaged and my ring is being resized. That’s why I don’t have it on right now.” 

“You came up with a story and everything. Wow,” he teases. 

You pout and lightly smack him, barely touching him. He grabs your hand and pulls you closer to the bed, wanting you to sit beside him. “I don’t want to hurt you, honey.” 

“There’s only two ways you can hurt me. One, by sitting on my catheter. And two, not sitting on this damn thing with me so just please, give this hurt cowboy a break.” 

You accept the hand he holds out for you and sit beside him, staring at your adjoined hands. 

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” 

“Nothing.” 

He feels the way your hand starts shaking. “Hey, hey.” 

You don’t turn your head around and purse your lips together, trying to hold yourself together. 

“Look at me, sweetheart. I’m right here.” 

“But you almost weren’t!” 

“What are you-” 

“The doctor said they lost you for a few minutes but that you were going to be okay. When she said those words I- I thought I lost you.” 

“But you didn’t, see. I’m right here. I’m right-” 

“You almost weren’t.” 

He pauses, thinking about what to say next. “I think even if that was the case, you wouldn’t have left me.” He pulls your hand up, placing it over his heart. “You didn’t leave even when you thought I was gone. I think you’d follow me towards the ends of the earth,” he says, with a teasing smile, repeating the same thing your parents told each other all the time when you were a child. 

It holds a promise to the person it's being said to… even when things get tough, neither of you are going to leave the other, you’re going to get through things together. 

“I regret telling you that,” you wipe your cheeks with one hand and attempt to pull your other one out of Jake’s grasp but fail as he keeps a hold of it. “Jake-” 

He shakes his head, reaching for your waist, pulling you closer. 

You do, slowly and gingerly to not aggravate any of his injuries. 

He wipes your cheeks, “why’s my pretty girl crying? You know I only like it when you cry out for me and not like this.” 

You scoff, inwardly rolling your eyes. “Don’t say things like that when you’re-” 

“Enjoying the moment with the future Mrs. Seresin.” 

“Stop. You can’t say things like that.” 

“Oh, I can when it’s easy to get you riled up.” He opens his arms, placing your hand on the side of his neck. “Lay with me.” 

“I don’t-” 

He shakes his head, “you won’t win against me, and you know it.” 

You don’t fight him and give in. 

-

Javy, Natasha, Bob, and Bradley all fight to get into Jake’s hospital room. 

He shushes them and gestures for them to be quiet, “don’t wake her up or I swear I will live up to the so-called back story to my call sign ten times harder than usual.” 

Everyone slowly walks out of the doorway with their hands up, mumbling their apologies. 

“You didn’t have to do that,” you mumble. 

“Yes, I did. They wouldn’t have left unless I said something.” 

“You’re so kind.” 

“Only for you, sweetheart.” He pecks your forehead, “only for you.”

Return to: Part I

[demontonic]

Ethan Landry - Perverted 3

lets ignore how the last chapter i posted was in july and pretend that im a consistent writer please:3 anyways i hope everyone enjoys this because it took me so long to figure out what i wanted to do for it. if you havent read part 2 i suggest you do that for this to make sense

Word count: 2269

TW: knives, blood, murder, suicide

“Oh my god,” Your heart dropped as you realized the killing had connections to ghostface, after last night you wanted to believe it wouldn’t get this bad. Ethan squeezed your hand softly, attempting to break your attention away from the news channel. His efforts were in vain as your own mind swelled with an endless amount of thoughts and emotions. Did Ethan purposefully intend to make you swoon in order to get closer to the group? Who was the other Ghostface? Why now did the killings start when things had finally seemed normal? The room had broken off into conversations between each other, trying to figure out how they wanted to handle it. You on the other hand remain in shambles, shaking in Ethan’s arms as he pulls you back into your room.

A silence fell upon you both, there were no words to be offered in a situation like this. Sure he could try and comfort you like you hadn’t already known he was a killer and you could try and pretend you didn’t catch him leaving the scene of a crime. No matter what you two did, reality was inevitable, Ethan was a cold blooded killer and you were a potential victim falling in love with him. Nothing now could change it, prevent it, or create a path to a life in which you two live happily ever after. The facts were plain and simple, a bright red sign flashing right in front of your eyes, still you chose to ignore it. Today was supposed to be nice, you’d finally given into Ethan but to everyone else you’d won over the quiet nerd. It wasn’t until you felt Ethan’s hands cup your face gently that you’d snapped back to reality.

“I swear it wa-“

“Of course it wasn’t you but… you know who did it don’t you?”

“…”

“I thought so-“

“I’m sorry-“

“No-“

“I am I didn’t know they were gonna do it tonight I swear I-“

“No, no, no- Ethan you’re not!”

It was quiet again after your slight outburst, it didn’t anger him but then again, did he even have the right? His hands stayed glued to his lap while he watched you go through the motions in silence. He wanted so badly to know what you were thinking, did you hate him? Have you ever hated him? Would you hate him now? You didn’t even have an answer, you wished you did but the feelings flowing through your body were indescribable. You wanted to hate him, you wanted to tell everyone he was one of the killers, maybe then it would end with no more death. What you wanted and what you’d decided before you even knew you had was set in stone. You wouldn’t say anything, ever, to anyone. If they found out you would say you didn’t know but, you didn’t want your friends to get hurt. Ethan knew this, he’d wanted to sympathize and stop everything once he’d truly begun to like you but, of course he couldn’t.

“Please- just listen to me before you hate me for the rest of eternity.” The bed shifted quietly when he tried to meet your clouded gaze but it was to no avail. Swiftly he’d kneeled on the floor, his body shoving your legs apart giving you no choice but to stare into his eyes. The same brown eyes that had instilled fear into your soul when you were hiding in the alley, that had made you blush and stutter. The same eyes that had seen you so vulnerable and raw and held the same adoration you’d once felt; before you’d discovered his little hobby.

“I wanted to stop it but they wouldn’t let me, I’m outnumbered. It's plain and simple. Even if we tried to run away from all of this and salvage whatever this is, chances are they’d come for us if they finish the job. I don’t want anything to happen to you I-“

“But you want to kill the only people who’ve ever really been my family in exchange for what? Fame? Plot? Fun?”

“Revenge.”

A knock came from the door abruptly ending the much needed conversation. Tara opened the door softly, explaining that Quinn had called her Dad for information on the Ghostface killing that was undoubtedly connected to the group. Ethan had sat on the floor in front of you while she relayed the order of events. Eventually she left, saying that they’d be going to the station to answer some questions which were pretty standard by now. You’d offered to accompany the sisters but they decided it was best to handle it alone. The entire group dispersed, breaking off into pairs and trying to grasp onto the slight normalcy that remained. Ethan had convinced you to follow him to an unknown location, claiming that he would explain everything once you’d gotten there. Of course you were concerned with the sudden idea of being alone with him but you still tried to have some sort of trust.

“I… I know that this is all going so fast and happening so sudden but, I need you to know all the facts before-“

“Before what, Ethan?” He slowed to a stop when you interjected, you sounded so drained and defeated and it hurt to know he was the reason. He could try and tell you it wasn’t his fault and that he had no part in it but he did, no matter how badly he wanted to make you happy.

“What the fuck.” You whispered to yourself, trying to comprehend why Ethan would bring you into an abandoned theater. Sure it fit pretty well for his alter ego, it makes sense considering he wanted to explain everything. At this point you’d wanted nothing more than to leave rather than bare witness to what horrors could be lying within the old theater. Of course you were right, you’d wish you hadn’t seen it, the dedication to the series of Ghostface murders. Actual evidence encapsulated in glass boxes, clothing placed on mannequins, drawings of victims and killers next to each of their own murders. Ethan walked you down to the end, it was right next to the original Ghostface killer’s display. Your necklace, gifted to you by someone you’ve held dear to your heart, was laying in one of the display boxes. Alongside it were hand drawn pictures of you and the group, and a singular box seemingly a tribute to Dewy. Your necklace had been snatched off your neck the first time you had been attacked, Amber had always admired it. The natural formed ruby was an heirloom, before your childhood friend had committed suicide she’d gifted it to you on your 16th birthday.

“My brother was obsessed with the murders, obsessed with the concept of a horror movie being real. He’d always make short films, stories, chapters to a book that he could never finish. Richie was fucked up but he was the only person who took care of me, you have to understand that Sam took the only comfort-“

“No Ethan, he’s not your only comfort at least not anymore- Ethan you have an entire life to lead. Richie made his decision, based on a wild fixation to someone else’s tragedy.”

“Wouldn’t you protect your loved ones? Would you not kill to protect that precious group you call family? That’s what I’m doing, that’s what Richie is to me, don’t you understand this is to avenge him-“

“He killed people for fun and when he was killed it ended the meaningless game he was playing. Don’t you understand the way he’s influenced you into thinking what he did was right?” Silence, anxiety, anticipation and the sound of heavy breathing separated you two. Ethan seemed to be contemplating his next moves whereas your eyes trained on the mended necklace lying on the table. It would’ve brought you to tears being reunited with the priceless gift if not for the conversation he’d initiated.

“My family was always so focused on Rich, trying to get him to be a normal kid and dealing with his problems at school. Quinn was exactly like she is now and the only girl so you can imagine what little that left me. Even through all of that he made sure I felt seen, if not by anyone else, by him.” Ethan spoke as if he already accepted the fact you’d never be able to agree with him, and he knew better than to argue. He reached into his pocket and slipped a glove over his hand before reaching over the glass box. Sliding the lip over just enough to pick up the ruby necklace before closing it back up.

“Dad got most of this stuff but Richie took this from Amber and gave it to Quinn as a last minute gift. Amber was the one who snatched it off you but I’m sure you figured that out. I fixed it without question but it feels wrong not giving it back to you.” It hung off his fingers, holding it in front of your face with what seemed like no more life in his eyes. With a small sigh you grabbed it by the roughly shaped ruby, he dropped the chain and stood silently as you admired the seamless fix. A mistake in hindsight because by then he’d placed his other glove on, slamming your head against the glass table. Thankful it was thick enough to prevent it from breaking upon impact, much less could be said about you.

Tears filled your eyes as you wailed from the pain in your temple, your legs barely holding the rest of your weight as he pushed down on you. Then it clicked, he was leaning his entire body onto you, his knife was pointed into stomach.

“I just wanted you to be able to understand the purpose of everything. You are so fucking stubborn, I don’t want to do this but I can’t let them live with his blood on their hands.”

“So you’re going to kill the one person who was willing to look past your little hobby instead of leaving your past behind? Ethan you are being fucking used-“

“No I’m not! I loved Richie, he wasn’t perfect but he treated me better than anyone-“

“Anyone? So fuck me and kill me that’s fucking bullshit, I should’ve known better than to be stupid enough to get involved with you!” Your sobs rattled your entire body, it was hard to even differentiate between his tears and yours. From where he was his tears fell onto your cheek, mixing with your own on the table. It pained him to even speak to you like this, to inflict so much fear and suffering onto you because you were right. You were trying to love him, trying to look past his faults, trying to have a normal life with him. Ethan seemed to only sabotage his own happiness especially now when he’s hurting the last person that’d be willing to love him the way he wanted.

“It’s-It’s not like that I love you-“

“Don’t say that while your knife is digging into my body you sick fuck.” Disappointment could only be heard in your cries, disappointment in both Ethan and yourself.

“Oh but it was different last night you stupid bitch!” His hand pushed your head harder into the glass, beginning to crack under the pressure. A complete 180 from the sniffling boy he was half a second ago, it terrified you despite it being one of the things that had lured you in.

“You’re such a petty asshole, I bet I was the only girl who even gave you the time of day.” Laughing in his face was his breaking point, grabbing you by the hair and tossing you onto the floor in front him. Pain riddled your spine and it was then you felt the thin wound on your abdomen. Bittersweet as the hand he’d slashed at the night before covered the leaking cut. Just as fast as he’d thrown you he was on top of you, pinning your arms down with his knees.

“Why can’t you just accept their fate? We can be together happily, alone, in peace once it’s all over. Please I’m begging you my love, don’t make me do this I don’t want to!” His face was red and wet with the rush of tears spewing from his eyes, his knife pointed at your throat while he pleaded with you. It sounded so sweet and tempting as he always was, your little obsession being your own demise was all too perfect. You knew what your choice was so you turned your head, searching for the necklace he’d lured in with. With the ruby being in sight you felt calm, at ease with your end, it felt that if anything, at the very least you’d be with your friend once more.

“Fucking kill me already you piece of shit, lowsy excuse of a man!”

The next morning everyone was convinced it was you, after not returning to the dorm it was easy to pin it to you. Yet here the group was, following Gale into an abandoned theater, stumbling upon your lifeless corpse leaned against the stage. Blood pooled around you, sourced from your throat which had been slit open. However the silver chain shown clearly under the stage lights, with ruby barely noticeable amongst the crimson liquid. Ethan in shambles crawles next to you, cradling your cold body and rocking back and forth begging for you to wake up.

The End :D I hopes you liked this small series and please don’t be shy, leave requests for any of the characters in my masterlist or horror movie franchises as I’d love to do more with the horror genre. I simply wrote the first one based off a song so it was very difficult for me to turn it into the miniseries but i promise i did my best and i hope you liked the ending<3

@hana-1235

@i-do-be-vibinn

@meh-karma

@cumbermovels

@acornacreacure

@c0untryclub

[greazyfloz]

Lovers & Strangers - Chapter 17

Previous

WARNING: HEAVY CONTENT, DR*GS & R*PE (SLIGHT NOT FULL DETAIL) INVOLVED

Mark ended up staying with me that night. We talked about the situation a little more and decided that we wouldn’t let it affect us. It was still so early to let something break us now.

“I tried telling Ethan that I wasn’t going to stop seeing you” Mark says as we lay in my bed. I lay with my head in his chest as he plays with my hair

“Tried?”

“Yeah he cut me off before I could, said he didn’t want to hear it” Mark says and I sit up on the bed and look down at him

“Maybe I should try and call him” I say and Mark shrugs his shoulders.

I reach over and grab my phone and scroll through. I hover over his name with my thumb for a second before clicking it. The phone rings twice before it’s declined. Mark looks at my sad face as I put my phone back down. 

“He declined it. God is he going to hate me forever?” I say as tears fill my eyes. 

Mark begins to sit up scooching in closer to me and wrapping his arms around me. He kisses my head then rests his on mine.

A couple days go by, it’s now Friday. The boys leave early next week for frozen four but tonight they party. Nolan is throwing a party to celebrate last Sunday’s big win which means both Ethan, Mark and I will likely be in the same room. Ethan hasn’t talked to me since Tuesday when all this shit hit the fan. 

I just finish getting ready when I can’t find my mascara anywhere. It’s the last thing I have to do before I am done getting ready but of course I can’t find it. I make my way back into the bathroom and open the drawer to see my pregnancy test but it looks a little weird. 

I pick it up and inspect it, noticing a faint line. I drop the test on the floor and run to my room to grab my phone. I dial Savannah right away. She answers, “Savannah, can you bring me another pregnancy test?”

“Oh my god, I’m on my way!” She says and she was right. She was at my place within 20 minutes. She came with two. We made our way up to my bathroom and shut the door behind us.

“Look” I say handing her the test I took on Tuesday

“It could just be running ink” she says inspecting it, “or you could be pregnant”

I grab the cup that I brought up from the kitchen when I was waiting for Savannah to get here and peed in it before opening the tests and dipping them both in the cup. I click the cap back on and wait for the results. 

I look at Savannah with tears in my eyes, “oh no, don’t cry! You don’t even know the results” she says to me

“He hates me” I say, “Ethan hates me”

Savannah brings me in and starts rubbing my back, she shushes me while I lay my head on my shoulder. “He will come back” she says to me

She stays hugging me until the alarm goes off on her phone. I stand up and look at her before turning over the tests. “I wanna do this alone” I tell her

“ are you sure?“ she asked me. I nod, Then I watch her leave the bathroom slowly, looking back at me as she shuts the door.

I take a deep breath, and I turn the two tests over at the same time, both displaying the same pink plus mark. Tears start to form in my eyes, and I cover my mouth with my hand to muffle any sound that leaves my mouth. I begin to cry, silently, wondering what am I gonna do.

I quickly compose myself by wiping the tears from under my eyes, and looking at myself in the mirror to try and calm myself down before putting the two tests in the drawer. I walk out of the bathroom and into my room to see savannah laying on my bed, watching me as I enter the room.

“ so?” savannah asks me anxiously waiting for my reply

“ not pregnant” I lied to her, I thought she believed me at first, but the fake smile on my face told a different story.

“ prove it, where did you put the two tests?” Savannah asked me standing up from the bed. “ I know you well enough to know when you’re lying. Are you pregnant y/n?”

“ y-yes” I whimper as the tears escaped my eyes that I didn’t even know were welling up inside of me.

Savannah looks at me with sadeyes before coming in close and wrapping me and her arms holding me in a tight hug. I hug her back as I cry into her shoulder.

“ this can’t be happening to me. What am I gonna do?“ I cry out. I don’t think anybody can answer the questions I have for why the past few weeks have had to happen to me or why my life had to become so complicated.

“ are you going to keep it?“ Savannah asked me. I pull away to look at her.

“ I don’t know“ I say, “ how do I have a kid with someone who hates me, and Mark will probably leave me because I know that this baby is Ethan’s”

“ or maybe it’s a false positive“ Savannah tries to reassure me

Since my roommates weren’t at home tonight, I decided to invite all of the girls over to my place for the pregame. I look over at the time and see that they should be here within the next 20 minutes. I get up from my bed and go back to the bathroom to fix my make up.

By the time I finish fixing my make up, I hear the front door open and the girls arrive inside of my house. Savannah walks into the bathroom to let me know they are here.

“ are you going to tell them?” she asked me

“ no I don’t want anyone knowing yet” I say, as I think of Mark.

Savannah goes downstairs to greet the girls as I walk to my room and change my shirt into something more… Slutty. Something in my brain tells me to dress more provocatively to throw people off so no one would ever guess I was pregnant.

I make my way down the stairs and the girls all coo. Savannah's eyes widen a little bit as she sees my outfit change from what it was before to what it is now, especially after knowing what she knows.

“ holy shit! What a hottie” Khloe says

“ I know that Ethan will not be able to keep his eyes off you tonight. That’s the plan, right?” Nicole says, earning dirty looks from the rest of the girls for mentioning Ethan.

The girls all begin to drink, but I decide not to. I get a couple of weird looks from the girls, especially Nicole. She looks over at me quite a few times just to give me a questioning look

“ you good? Thought you weren’t pregnant… drink up!” She says to me

“ I’m gonna wait until I get to the party I think” I say back to her

“ yeah cause that always works in your favour” Nicole says, referring to the last time I decided to really start to drink at a party.

Nolan’s house was probably the closest to my house out of all of the girls which is why we pregame at mine. Once we felt it was time that we could go to the party and that enough people would be there we made our way. The walk was about 15 minutes but I feel like I’m the only person that really felt that 15 minutes without any alcohol in me.

When we walked into the party, the first thing I saw was a girl all over Ethan. She had his arms around him, and he had his arm over his shoulder as she was whispering in his ear. He didn’t really seem that interested in her until he saw me walk into the room. He then lifted her chin, and pressed his lips to hers. If only he knew I was carrying his child.

I see him look at me as he’s making out with the girl, and I shake my head and make my way to Nolan’s kitchen, asking Nicole to come with me. “ hands and knees.” I say to her as we stand in front of the cupboard in which we found the bottle of vodka at the last party Nolan threw.

Nicole gets down on her hands and knees and she laughs the whole way down. I take a step on her back as I reach up in the cupboard and luckily there were about four bottles, two of which, being vodka and the other two being tequila. I decided I was going to go hard and went with tequila. I step off Nicole’s back and she stands up and opens the fridge.

“ no, no, I don’t need to chase” I tell her and she closes the fridge door slowly.

“ Ookay, let’s go back out to the party then” she tells me

“ I’ll be right out there” I say to her as I open the bottle of tequila and down as much as I can, in one chug. I think to myself, I have a lot of catching up to do as I continue to chug down the bottle. 

I look around, making sure Savannah didn’t see me before peeling out the back door onto the back deck where I sit on patio furniture alone. There’s a lot of people inside Nolan's house. So I’m not surprised at how many people are coming in and out.

I am probably outside for a good hour before the bottle of tequila is finished. This is probably the fastest I’ve ever drank a whole bottle. At this point maybe alcohol poisoning was something I needed. I thought to myself, as I stood back up to enter the house to go back to the kitchen to grab another bottle.

When I stepped into the kitchen, I saw Khloe and asked her if she could give me a boost so I could reach the cupboard. Khloe, who is talking to Brad, takes a step towards me and leans over.

“ Nicole told me that you already had a bottle with you“ she says to me

“ well… I want another one”

“ I’ll give you a boost” Brad says to me as he comes in closer. 

I look around to make sure Nolan or Savannah couldn’t see me as I sneak more of his liquor. Brad grips both sides of my waist with his hands and says “ready?”, before lifting me up. I grab onto the top of the fridge for more support as I open the cupboard door and grab the other bottle of tequila.

Brad sets me back down on the floor and I nod at him before turning around and going back out on the deck once again.

Once I’m sitting on the outdoor furniture, I unscrew the cap off this bottle of tequila and take a long, hard swig. This point the tequila starts tasting like water to me. I hear the door behind me open and hear a familiar voice call to me.

“Oh hey y/n. I didn’t think I’d see you here… Oh, wait, you’re the only person I knew for sure would be here.” Caleb says as he sits on the furniture across from me.

“ what do you want?“ I slur

“ oh wow, I knew you get drunk fast, but you have to have a reason to get drunk this fast tonight”

“ how do you know- how do you know when I got here?” I slur again

“ I don’t know when you got here, but I do know when Nicole got here and it wasn’t that long ago“

“ why were you talking to Nicole?” I slur as I rub my eyes, trying to clear my vision, but it remains blurry.

“ for the same reason you wanna see me” he says and reaches into his back pocket

“ sMark know you’re here?” I slur my words to ask him about the guy that has kicked his ass more than once.

“ no, smark doesn’t know I’m her” he says to me, followed by a chuckle, “ but I know you won’t tell him, because I have even better stuff for you tonight”

“ just don’t hurt me” I said to him, “ I’ve been through enough”

“ so you want something harder?” he says, “ I’m starting to think you might have a little problem y/n”

“ who cares, at- at this point”

“See, I’ve always had a little crush on you. Do you know what I fantasize doing with you?”

“ why do you have a crush on me? I thought I was a whore.”

“ but I like whores. They are easy. That’s why I like you.” he says bringing his chair closer to mine. I struggle bringing the bottle to my lips and Caleb brings his hand up to help me guide it.

Once the bottle hits my lips, I tilt my head back, not even realizing how much I am consuming as Caleb’s hand pushes the bottle back further, allowing the liquor to run faster down my throat. I begin to cough in the bottle a little bit, and Caleb takes the bottle away from my lips.

“ impressive” he says to me, “ I know eventually you’ll pay me back, I don’t think tonight is the safest place for me though so I think I’ll just give you what you want tonight then maybe tomorrow night you can give me what I want“

“ what do you want?“ I slur and Caleb chuckles, watching me in the state I am in. I bring the bottle back up to my lips again needing Caleb’s help before finishing the bottle. He reaches over and reaches for my hips, and I stand up.

“No, no, no. Come sit here” he says tugging my wobble hips down on his lap. He reaches in my shirt and grabs my tit. I moan out in discomfort. He looks back seeing the people that were once on the deck with us leave as his other wraps around me and unbuttons my pants. “you said you had a hard week, are you in pain?” he asked me slipping his hand down in my pants.

“Mhmm” I mumble as I wipe my eyes again.

“ the stuff I have tonight you’re gonna have to consume in a different way. Are you down for that pretty girl?” 

“Mhmm” I mumble again, at this point I can’t feel much of my body but I feel him slide a finger inside of me.

“ I can’t help you do this part, but I’ll set it up for ya“ he says, pulling his hand out of my pants. He takes powder out of his bag, along with a pill. He takes the pill out of its own little bag and crushes it onto the table beside me with a pocket knife that he was carrying. “ I’d let your little friend Mark now I carry this” he says, as he crushes up the pill.

Once the pill is crushed up, he mixes it into the bag full of white powder and spreads a line across the table in front of me. “ just sniff up and drag your nose across the line” he instructs me, “ it may hurt a little bit, but it will wake you up“ he says, as he stands “ come on”

I lean over stumbling on to my hands and knees over to the table and he helps me line my face up so my nose is hovering over one side of the line. I drunkenly moan as he positions my body around, like a ragdoll.

“ Okay, just like I just taught you. Sniff up and drag your nose across the table. One big sniff” he tells me

I begin to sniff, and he helps me by dragging my head across the table. He then helps me get up back into the chair. I feel him pull my pants all the way down, instead of his fingers he pushes my panties over and rapes me. “You like that?” he says

“Nnn” I moan out is displeasure unable to speak, I feel him grab both sides of my face with his hand as he pushed it upwards to look up at him

“Wrong answer” he says, I couldn’t piece together if he slapped or punched me but I felt a pain in my cheek. He pulls out and I open my eyes. “I gotta go, but that was just a sneak peak for tomorrow night“ he says before aggressively, pressing his lips onto mine, then removing them quickly, leaving.

I lie in the chair outside on the back deck as a couple other people come out, my vision is blurry, but their voices are unrecognizable. 

I lay across the furniture as my vision is almost completely limited. I bring my phone out of my pocket and tell Siri to call Nicole. Nicole answers. After just a few rings I can hear her. She asks me where I am through the phone, but very faintly. I can hear her ask me if I’m still there on the other end of the phone, followed by a bunch of hellos. I drop my phone and I was unable to retrieve it so I lay back down on the furniture.

I lay there staring blankly ahead of me just letting time pass before I hear the door open and check quickly, “ hey, hey“ I hear someone say, as they position me upright, and begin to tap on my cheek, “ are you all right?“ the male voice asks again.

A groan out drunkenly, and I hear another voice “ oh my God, y/n. Are you okay?” the feminine voice says.

“ someone needs to get Ethan” I hear another voice

“ hey, hey” the male I heard before continues to slap me on my cheek as he kneels down in front of me, “ it’s Nolan, did you drink all of this?” he asked me, and I know he’s pointing at the two bottles of tequila on the ground beside me. All I can do is nod my head. 

“ Nolan look” I hear a voice say and the body in front of me stands up away from in front of my face.

“ holy fuck!” I hear Nolan say before he nails down back in front of my face. “ yeah, I see some on her face.” he says, gliding his thumb under my nose.

Next thing I know, I began to throw up onto my bare lap. The feminine voice I heard before comes back, “ Ethan is a little busy right now” she says making me throw up again just thinking about what that could mean

“well someone go get Mark then” I heard someone else say.

“no, fuck both of them, call the 911, and someone shut down the party” I hear Nolan demand

“Leave me here” I moan out almost inaudibly, “ go party, I ruin everything, don’t let me ruin this” I say

“No one can understand you,“ Nolan says before I hear a familiar voice. 

“Oh my God what the fuck what happened?“ I hear Mark and I throw up once more.

I hear everyone talk. I can't make it what they are saying, as my eyes start to fall back.

[Savannah POV]

I ran into the house to find Ethan. Apparently he was ”a little busy“ but I don’t care. I push through the crowds of people as I hear some of the guys from the hockey team tell everybody that the party has moved to the bar and that the cops are on their way.

Floods of people start moving to leave the house which makes it even harder to get around, finally I see what Khloe meant when she said he was a little busy. I watch as Ethan has a blond girl sitting in his lap while they jam their tongues down each other’s throat. The girl is rubbing Ethan’s dick through his pants while they play tongue hockey.

I walk a little closer, and try to get his attention, “ Ethan“ I say, but he continues, sliding his tongue down the girl's throat. The music was already shut off, so there was no reason he couldn’t hear me.

“Ethan” I say, again yelling, a little louder and finally getting his attention.

“what?!” he says pissed off that I interrupted

“she needs you” I say, giving him knowing look and he shakes his head

“no, I said I was done”

“Fine,” I say to him as the back door slams open, and Mark pushes through carrying an unconscious y/n. Thankfully, most of the party goers had left the party other than a couple people on the hockey team, the girls, and the blonde chick that Ethan was macking on.

The ambulance arrived, and one of the boys from the hockey team opened the door, letting them into the house. Ethan stands up, pushing the girl off of his lap, making his way to the bathroom. In the bathroom is y/n  laying down on the shower floor as cold water hits her. Nolan leaves the bathroom and greets the paramedics, showing them where to go while Mark pushes the wet strands of hair that get pushed in y/n’s face. Ethan stands inside the doorway watching as the cold water hits her face. Guilt is written all over his. 

The paramedic follows Nolan to the bathroom and turns the shower off before bending down and shining a light in both of her eyes and then trying to find a pulse in her neck. The other paramedic comes in with a stretcher, and they both pick her up and rest her on it.

As the stretcher is wheeled out of the house and back to the ambulance, Ethan follows. He pushes Mark back when he sees Mark try to follow. Ethan and I were able to sit in the back of the ambulance with her while we drove to the hospital.

The paramedic begins, asking me questions as we sit around y/n’s almost dead, looking body. “Were you with her tonight?” She asked me.

“at the beginning, but I lost her as soon as we entered, like almost immediately“

“the man who threw the party said, he thinks she consumed two full bottles of tequila, did she have anything prior to the party?” she asked another question

“ no, she um-“ I say looking over at Ethan as he looks over at me waiting for me to answer the question, “ she wasn’t supposed to, so she didn’t at the pregame. I don’t know why she did at the party.”

I watch Ethan, his face filled with shock from everything that has happened to far as he grabs her hand, holding it tightly with both of his, as the paramedic, ask me another question, “ is there any other substances in her system other than alcohol?” She asked me.

“ I don’t know, there was powder on the table beside her. But that could’ve been from anybody.” I say slightly trying to cover for her

“has this been a problem? Drugs, has she abused them before?” the paramedic asks. I look over to see Ethan look back up from bowing his head to see how I would respond

“Y-yeah” I say, as a tear streaming down my face, “ but not anything bad just normal party stuff not like tonight”

“So you believe that this powder was consumed by her? We need to know it’ll make things a whole lot easier when we get to the hospital.”

“Yes” Ethan speaks up for the first time

“Do you know what she consumed tonight?”

“N-no” I say, and Ethan shakes his head no, 

“Was she found without pants on?”

I couldn’t use my words so I nodded my head. 

“We will need the pants she was wearing tonight, as the clothes on her body may have washed off DNA. Could you ask someone to drop those off? Fewer people touching them the better”

“Okay” I say pulling out my phone to text Khloe

“Any medical conditions, mental health issues, anything like that the doctors may need to know?” 

“She um- I um- I’m sorry Ethan” I say looking at him before looking back at the paramedic, “she found out she was pregnant like not even 4 hours ago”. 

“Are you the supposed father?” the paramedic pieces together what I was saying. Ethan looked stunned. 

“Yes, he is” I say,“I-is she going to be alright?” 

The paramedic did not respond as we rolled up to the hospital. Ethan and I followed the paramedics until a nurse stopped us and guided us to the waiting room.

[Y/N POV]

Parts of the night, I remember, come in flashes. I can see Mark carrying me and dropping me inside of a shower then I see a bright white light shine in my eye than into my other. Ethan. Then I’m being pushed down a white hallway before everything around me goes white too.