#am i manic or low i can't tell anymore

[omgcatboi]

Me and Hanzo are the same in the since that we listen to Kill_All_Your_Friends_MCR.wav when we get sad.

[barkingangelbaby]

venting so much i ran out of tags lmao

[yumekojabaml]

My little meat— Cannibal James McAvoy x Male reader

Part 1

author's note: Might also be long as well.

Tw: Aggressive

"I should've ran when I saw you." *he chuckled again, now having both your thighs under his hands, and rubbing them some more. He pulled you closer to him, so your body was now practically on top of his*

"Ah, but you didn't run.. you stayed here with me. Why didn't you run, love?"

"because I didn't think It was true." He hummed in response, and continued rubbing your thighs. He then moved a hand from your thighs, and up onto your hips, and around your body.

"Not thinking it was true, and yet you still chose to stay.. hm. So are you scared of me now, love?" You just ignored him not wanting to speak to him anymore.

He chuckled again, and shifted you so you were straddling him. You now were sat on his lap fully. "You didn't answer my question, love.. you aren't scared of me are you?"

He placed his hands on your hips again, now pulling you closer so your body was pressed up against his.

"Yes."

He hummed again, and pulled you even closer to him, pulling you to the point that you were now up against his chest. He was holding you tight, his hands on your hips and his arms keeping you in place.

"So, love... why aren't you running then. If you're scared, why aren't you trying to get away?"

"I can't." He began to move his hands up and down your back, tracing circles on it as he did. "Can't or won't, love.. either way, you're still right here. In my lap, in my home, so close to me I can feel every part of you on me"

He chuckled again, and raised a hand to your chin, and turned your head so you were looking at him, now. The hand that raised your chin, moved down and gently stroked your cheek with his thumb.

"No no, love.. don't look away. You didn't answer, yet. Can you not get away from me, or are you choosing not to"

"I can't." He grinned sinisterly, and his arms wrapped around you even tighter. He pulled you in until your faces were only an inch apart, and you were pulled completely against his body.

"Why can't you, love.. scared I'll do something bad?" Nodding he laughed. He chuckled deeply and smiled again, and leaned in closer so that his lips were right next to your ear. Barely touching it, as he spoke to you in a low, quiet tone.

"And here I was thinking you weren't scared of me. Yet now, I've got you right where I want you... in my arms, in my lap, against my body. Right where I can do whatever I want to you"

"Please let me go I-i won't tell."

"Please let me go.." He mockingly repeated your words in a high pitched tone, before laughing again.

"I don't think I will, love.. you aren't safe away from me. And I can't let you go and let you tell people... I can't have people figuring out who I really am, now can I"

You ignored him pissing him off. He began to sound a bit annoyed that you were ignoring him. His rubbing of your back slowly turned into soft scratching, as his fingernails began dragging across your back gently.

"Don't ignore me, love. Didn't I say you need to listen to me.. you don't want to get me worked up. Or do you...?"

And again you ignored him. Holding back tears of pain. Him clawing on your back got more intense, now even digging enough to draw blood, as he pulled you even closer against him, so that you were completely pressed to his chest.

"I. SAID. STOP. IGNORING. ME, LOVE."

LET ME GO." You squirmed wanting to get out for his grip. He snarled at your response, now getting very angry. One hand moved from your back to one of your arms. He grabbed it hard and pinned it up behind you so you wouldn't be able to squirm as much*

"Stop. Moving. Now." He banged your head on the couch. "You are mine now. You don't know how long I have been waiting to get you." He whispers in your ear.

"I stalked you since the day you turned 15. I was at your birthday. Watching you smile, giggle, just looking like an angel. I kept my eye on you until I finally got to touch you like this. "He laughed manically.

He grabbed something off the table realizing a ring. "You're my husband now. You can never leave me. Even if you did I'll kill your friends."

It was done you were his and you couldn't do anything but lay with him on the bed with him hugging you tight.

Why couldn't you just stay home. But that would've been an even bad idea since he knew where you lived.

[yourmumsc0ck]

NEEDS

Summary: Ventress is the biggest flirt in the galaxy (sorry Obi-wan)

Asajj Ventress x CorruptFem!jediR

Word count: 1.3k

"Turn left at the next junction-" Plo Koon instructs me over coms, "-and take a steep incline to the landing pad above, through the canopy layers of-"

"I've got it, master," I insist, navigating the busy underworld of Coruscant with ease. Just as he was about to explain in great detail, the only real access to the landing pad was through a thin passage which was neatly sandwiched between two shop-front roofs.

"Be careful, young one. The underworld is dangerous, even for a Jedi," he warns me. Despite now not being his padawan anymore, he still sometimes thinks that I am, "and remember: this is only a scouting mission."

"Yes, master Plo," I respond, biting my tongue of any of my usual sarcastic remarks because I know he only means well.

"Very well. May the force be with you," and after a moment, the faint crackle of the active comlink goes silent. I had been tasked with investigating a lead which the Senate had uncovered while discussing Separatist dealings right here on Coruscant.

Taking the route of the steep ascent to the landing pad, I can feel my speeder bike struggling to keep up with itself as it's strains under the torment of my manic driving. Twist after turn - and jump after jump - the two shop fronts come into view. Breathing deeply, I know this is a one chance opportunity, "Come on, you can do this."

I'm not sure whether I'm talking to the bike or myself.

Taking a slight left to avoid an awkwardly placed transmission terminal, I accelerate over a small jump between two buildings. The entrance is rapidly closing in, yet my speed can't decrease until I'm over the final jump - which lies only metres before the opening.

Flooring it, the bike's screams bounce sharply off the narrowing walls either side of us. The underworld is far deeper than it appears.

Two shop fronts. There and gone in an instant, the jump sends me over the top of a vast, bottomless ventilation chasm. Immediately, I kill the right thruster and lean my full body weight over to the side.

'Clang!' an exhaust vent is sheared off the side of my bike in an array luminous sparks. Not my cleanest of turns. As the suffocating tunnel behind the shops begins to fill with more light, I put the engines so low the faint whir of the repulser fan becomes all but silent.

"Tell Dooku: his deal is off," a male voice exclaims, indignant in tone, "this isn't what I signed up for-"

"You represent a Separatist planet, don't you, Lord Pli?" a second voice responds. This one is female, dripping with a sultry simmer of distain; it's familiar.

I assume that the man nods, because she continues, "Then I don't think it's in the best interest of your people to defy me. I also can't imagine the Republic Senate would allow you to return in open arms, do you, hm?"

"No, but-"

"-Agree to the deal, and I reassure you that our relationship will be..." somehow, her voice goes from a demandingly demeaning sneer, to a slow murmur of lust in a matter of seconds. She is almost impossible to hear, "mutually beneficial."

I can sense the man's increasingly desperate anxiety. His breathing quickens, "But the moons of my world: they have people-"

"-Who will be fairly compensated, I assure you," she interrupts again, yet she makes it so it doesn't feel rude or intrusive; merely a minor interjection.

I haven't yet peered around the corner, but I daren't consider stopping these blatant admitions.

"...Alright," he mutters. To sense him is like trying to search blindfolded for a secondary coupling latch in a Gundark nest: the surrounding Force is so potently asphyxiating that I can barely feel anything else.

"The Count's forces will move in by your day break, and our operations will be functioning in two rotations."

A few minutes later, a shuttle's engines fires up and the landing gears disengage. All falls silent once again moments after 'Lord Pli's' exit.

But the suffocating presence still remains.

"Hmm..." her snarky, teasing tone cuts through the dense silence, "I didn't expect to meet a Jedi today."

My body tenses: how long had she known my position?

"Come out, darling," she sings, a firm smirk in her voice, "I don't bite."

Grasping the cool metal hilt of my saber, I round the corner with it raised and ignited. In front of me - stood hand on hip in the middle of the landing zone - is a tall, slender woman with deathly pale skin and bare scalp. In the blue hue of my weapon, she appears to shimmer, as if not fully there. Form-fitted in strips of dark cloth, it appears every angle of her body and face is jagged and sharp.

"Why don't you put that silly thing away, hm?" she requests with a sharply raised eyebrow, "You don't see me waving mine about, and there really is no need, dear."

"You're a Sith," I seethe, the Force around us beginning to cloud the clarity and calm I usually have, "I can't let you escape."

"You propose a duel... with me?" she teases, feigning surprise, "Oh, darling, I thought Jedi were meant to be intelligent."

I swallow thickly, taking a deep breath to compose myself and feel the Force flow and connect through and all around my body. It brings me a quiet confidence, "Or perhaps you're scared you'll lose."

"I can feel you... your centre is off balance; your peace is fractured," she explains slowly, taking two testing steps towards me, letting her hips sway with her words, "Your anger, your fear, your love and attachment are fighting to get out: you can't deny what is already within forever."

"I am nothing like you!" I retort, clenching my jaw and flexing my fingers around the cool metal hilt of my sabre.

"Not now, perhaps," she smirks, taking a few more steps closer, "but I can feel your turmoil; I can sense the conflict when you meet someone... like me."

"Like you...?" I question with hesitancy.

She takes a few more steps, the frayed edges of her minimal robes shifting slightly with each minuscule movement, "So free... so alive."

"I am free," I say indignantly, keeping my eyes blazing into her's, "and I am most definitely alive."

"You might be an almighty Jedi," she takes the last step, ignoring my still ignited sabre and tracing the intricate details of my robe's lapel. Her sultry fascination begins to move from my robe to the blemish-less ingot pendant hanging around my neck, "but even you can't deny... needs."

This shocks me into a sort of daze. For the first time in a long while I feel myself more than I feel Force.

And she knows it. "Let the anger out... the fear of yourself... of me," she taunts, the cool puff of her breath seeping into my skin, "let it-"

"-I don't fear you!" I lean back and raise my sabre. Within an instant, her dual blades meet mine. The hot white blaze of their connection stings my eyes and makes her pale skin shine.

"Don't you, my dear?" she seems utterly unfazed by my sudden assault.

"No...!" I strain, allowing the Force to flow through me more powerfully than ever before.

Her eyes glow, narrowing to a menacing glower, "Yes! Let the anger flow, let it control you!"

"You won't beat me!"

"I don't need to..." I push her away, the distinct clashing of our blades ringing out across the landing zone. We end up in another standstill, "...because you know I'm correct, darling."

I drop my arm and force her back - but in my moment of lacking concentration - she sends my sabre skittering across the tarmac. I stumble back onto one knee, as she raises her blades to cross at my throat.

"Let yourself live! I can help you be free!" she smirks, "I can help you!"

"You would only control me..." I look up at her, watching how her lips twitch slightly.

"Hm, perhaps," that intricately laced tone of lust returns in an instant, "but you'd like that, wouldn't you, dear?"

[fuck-me-and-my-feelings]

All of my emotionas are on high right now. I don't know what to do with everything boiling inside of me and it isn't helpful at all that the quiet BPD is raging...

My mom being in the hospital and only has very little time left is killing me because she will never see my children grow up if I have any. She will just decline from here on out and it's going to be a rough road.

My family thinks I'm this hard headed ball of fire who always wants an argument when really, I just want to be heard. I want validation to some extent.

No one ever wants to hang out with me and when I do hang out it's almost like I can't be myself because I'm watching everything I say so no one can use it against me later.

My friend told me that my other friend said I'm still too much... what's too much? Being a best friend is too much? I've accepted that maybe I am and I've backed off but now that friend is feeling some kind of way because I've backed off now that she has a man. I'm sorry im respectful 🙄😑

My wife and I barely spend time together and when we do it's almost like I'm another person or my D.I.D has taken over.

I found a guy who I really like and he's over here not sure that he wants to date. Ok, SO why do you want to stay the night with me then? Why do you want a relationship with me AND my wife? Why can't it just be with me? Why am I not good enough to want and crave on that level? I want a man who will be obsessed with me...

I dont want anymore fake bs in my life.

I want to be good enough.

I want to be okay.

And I'm not.

I need someone to grab me, use me how they need, lay with me and play with my hair, love on me and tell me how I make them feel and then put me to sleep.

I want to process everything in my life and for whatever reason I can't.

This week I have been so angry I yelled at my brother in the hospital and almost got kicked out. I have embarrassed myself in front of a man I really like. I have been hurt once again by a woman who I would do anything for but she will never see that hurt. I have questioned contacting my ex wife because I know she'd answer the phone even though I know she hates me. I have questioned my sobriety. I have barely eaten or slept. I tried to have a drinking night and it wasn't enough. I tried to go to the beach with someone and I feel like they low key didn't want to be there with me. I have began to hate myself more and more but have given less fucks about everything... I feel like im out of control and want to run away. My D.I.D and BPD has me so manic I could jump off a 12 story building and hope to live another day just to jump again.... I want saved so bad by someone or something but it's never going to be possible.

[god1ngs]

━‎ release

synopsis; a visit to the prison doesn't go as you planned

contains; manipulation, implied character death, major violence, swearing, power trip, bunny as a petname

c!dream / reader, 1.3k wc

note; this is for @cr0wbonezz-wr1ting-inc 's 600 writing contest! congratulations & i hope you like this :)

masterlist

   this would be your last time. your last time standing outside this wretched obsidian building, with the smell of death lingering inside. the promise of corruption haunted the atmosphere, one you cringed at whenever you walked inside. this would be your last time visiting dream.

   your last time ever seeing him again.

   coming back to the prison every week had taken a mental toll on you, causing your figure to slump more. your sobs after each visit to the prison didn't get easier nor did it get better. the prison, a symbol of a man who had once caused more evil than good, plagued you. you could see it.

   you could see how it had been affecting you, dream and the prison had. both of them had caused damage to you, however dream won that twisted race. your fists clenched, staring the building in the face. "why are you scared of me?" it whispered, taking pleasure in the shiver crawling up your spine.

   "no way in hell am i scared of you."

   it was always cold in the prison, you noticed. perhaps it was the promise of once forgotten memories, and once forgotten people as well. it reeked of death, death of a once good man who let power corrupt him.

   it was always depressing to be in the main room of the prison, a wave of unknown feeling washing over you ─ a sadness you couldn't quite describe. a pit in your stomach deepened at the call of your name by the warden, the queasy feeling of nausea guiding you towards him.

   "you're here to visit dream, correct?"

   "yes, sir, i am."

   the routine you had done several times in the past had become daunting now, a task seemingly hard to complete with each of your visits. you put your possesions in the first locker room, the memory of the first time you were forced to do this making you sigh. you nearly choked up on yout resolve, running out of the prison with a deafening sob.

   your feet only followed the same mantra every other time though, following the warden as if your body was programmed to. it didn't listen to your commands anymore, only the one of the prison; of dream. the process was the same old by now, reciting the instructions you would be given.

   by now, when the warden pulled out his sword, you knew to only close your eyes and clench your teeth. there was little to expect with this visit, only expecting what would happen each time: you'd visit dream, talk to him for half an hour, only to go back home with yourself. you hadn't noticed the difference between this visit and every other.

   one would soon come up.

   the lava highlighted your features, the bright liquid making you shudder. it wasn't new, yet it had felt like you were coming face to face with it for the first time again. however, instead of fleeing as you would usually do, your feet only stayed in place. and soon moved with the platform, towards the stranded room in the middle of the ocean of lava.

   dream stood there, calculated green eyes watching your every moment. the same amusement as when he was out danced in them, rejoicing with the pleasure manipulative tendencies brought him. you swallowed harshly, and with that, the platform was brought back towards sam and the gate was opened.

   the lava cascaded down, the image of sam becoming a memory now. it was only you and dream, along with the taunting voices bouncing off the walls. voices wishing for your demise, however you knew better than to give it to them. you stood there, unwavering. dream only smirked.

   "come to visit me again, bunny?"

   that horrible pet name. it was used in a way that made your stomach turn and your thoughts twist into raging ones. you shuddered, a reaction you could feel dream enjoying. before he was boxed in the prison, he would often talk about how you and him were like wolf and bunny; predator and prey, similarly.

   it was the excuse he would use whenever he would scare you, laughing as he told you: "you're just my prey, bunny, and i'm the wolf on its way to hunt you." they replayed in your mind, a sick reading of the same syllables that made you choke on your words. you couldn't focus on the past right now though, not when he was right in front of you.

   "it's my last time." you spoke, breaking the violent silence. your unwavering force you promised to be was getting harder to keep up, especially when he stared at you like that ─ eyes wide, yet filled with manic thoughts instead of surprise. you flinched when he stood up from his place in the corner.

   he stared at you for a few minutes, before throwing his head back in a series of chuckles. your thoughts went into overdrive, confused and fearful shouts in your mind mixing. "last time? really? you're going to leave me?" there was no hint of desperation in his words, only unfiltered anger being masked by something else.

   he strided up to you, head tilted and frame towering over you. he held the same air of death as the prison. you scrunched your nose and took a step back, yet he only followed until you had been pressed against the wall. he didn't touch you, but his stare was enough to hold your shaking form in place.

   being strong was hard when the one person to break through your defenses was standing right in front of you. he broke down the walls gaurding your feelings and left them broken and unchecked. "you're not allowed to. not coming to visit me, are you crazy?" he told you, the force in his words making you gulp.

   you almost apologized, his old manipulation tactics flashing in your mind. you couldn't let him get the best of you; not right now, and not ever again. your brows furrowed and your teeth clenched, pushing the masked man away from you. "don't try to tell me what to do! i'm never coming back, and you can't change that!" you shouted at him.

   you had never shouted at him before. it was always good and obedient [name], following his orders with little to no complaints. you didn't want to be his doll anymore, you didn't want him to take everything from you only to never give it back. you were tired of being pushed around with no credit being given to you.

   your rage had carried through your words, a force not even dream knew you had. but with every word you spat at him, his vision got tinted with red. a ferocity like no other had shown on his expressions, yet you couldn't tell underneath all the rage you were experiencing as well.

   his fist clashing with your throat had stopped your ranting, effectively making you be quiet. you gasped for air in front of you, the harsh awakening making you fall to your knees in front of him. you held your throat in your hands, and with the time you had managed to get oxygen back in your lungs, he had kicked you in the ribs.

   "stop fucking yelling. cut it out! you're not stronger than me, you're not better than me; you're weak! you're just a plaything for me to use when i get bored!"

   the words cut deeper into you than you had realized, sobs racking your body at the harsh truth. he had stopped attacking you for now, but his words cut deeper than daggers. your eyes fluttered close, and by the time you opened them again, dream was crouching in front of you. the smile on his mask mocked you.

   "if people don't know their place," be continued, voice low with rage. "they don't get a place at all." with that, his fist drove into you again. left and right, he punched you. left and right, you took the beatings with slurred pleads of mercy. none was granted and, by the time he had taken a break, you were still begging and pleading for your life.

   "please, dream, we can talk about this!"

   "there's nothing left to say."

   the lingering smell of death inside the prison got stronger.

[jungleslut101]

I'm taking you home little lamb.

Summary-  The deputy has been MIA for 3 months and the seeds take matters in their own hands when everyone else come back without their lost lamb.

                   __________________

The last everyone heard or seen the deputy was when she was taking out one of Jacobs wolf beacon. That was 3 months ago, no one has heard about her after that, even though it's been better for the cult,Joseph won't stop begging his brothers to go and look for their lamb together.

Which is why they are  walking through a deep forest in the cold autumn weather. One of Jacobs men reported that there's been sight of the deputy deep in these woods.

After walking around 10 miles they come upon an abandoned rusted cabin. They slowly head for the door, hearing no sounds they doubt she's here but it's worth to check. John carefully opens the cracked door with Jacobs rifle pointed at it and Joseph's pistol in hand just for precaution.

They can slightly see inside pass the threshold but still no sight of the lamb."I'll go first just incase there are traps" Jacob whispers and they both nod

"Be careful brother and don't hurt her if you find her" Joseph whispers back. The brothers give him a weird look.

Jacob walks in checking inside each room he passes until he approaches the messy kitchen connected to the living room. He approaches where he can see a fire place just barely staying lit with a couch facing it. Either some one is here or been here.

Jacob stops dead in his tracks when he sees the woman who's been ruining their lives for the past 6 months sleeping soundly on the couch with blankets covering her lower half. He must be hallucinating there's no way he caught the she devil this easily, this must be a really good trap or a really sick joke either way he slowly takes coordinated steps towards her but she still doesn't stir even slightly.

Jacob reaches for his receiver radioing his brothers. "She's here" he whispers. After a minute John and Joseph find their way to the leaving room seeing their brother kneeling beside the couch.

"Come here,slowly" they both comply but no one prepared them for the image In front of them. They're little lamb sleeping on the couch looking so innocent.

"Who would've believe she's the devil who's brought havoc upon years of hard work" John scoffed making Jacob chuckle and Joseph giving them both side glares.

"I can feel the heat coming off her body " Joseph deliberately starts moving his hands towards her face just touching her cheek with a feathers touch. "She looks so harmless and angelic" he makes himself chuckle a bit  Jacob and John watching his movements like a hawks eye finding it a little unusual that their brother act this kind towards her after everything she did. "Let's take our little lamb home" Joseph moves some of her hair that has fallen on her face behind her ear making her stir and wake.

Rook doesn't acknowledge her surroundings immediately but when she does see her 3 enemy's she's been trying to rid of for so long all looking at her  she jolts upright from the couch making Joseph fall flat on his back with her sudden movement. Before she can reach the other side of the couch where she left her shotgun Jacob grabs her ankle making her fall on her stomach. The air gets knocked out of her so she turns while taking greedy gulps of air,but that is short lived when Jacob crushes her body with his own making her breath hitch again.

"And where do you think you're going so soon pup? We just found you" he grins down wolfishly at her making her tremble from fear.

"Jake your scaring our dearest deputy get off the poor girl for fuck sake" John couldn't hide the excitement from his voice which made her more nervous.

"Brother John is right we don't want to scare our lamb back in to hiding" Jacob slowly removed his weight from her but he still had her trapped with his thighs on either side of her hips and a little weight on her pelvic region.

She whimpered a little, her mind still hazy from sleep. Maybe she was having a nightmare this can't be real. Jacob shifts his weight a little making her moan in discomfort. Not realising she's only wearing panties and a loose Metallica shirt making her legs and thighs bare for their prying eyes.

She's getting a little flustered so she bucks her hip to try and escape from Jacobs hold which has Jacob lose his balance and almost crush her with his weight if it wasn't for his fast reflexes, holding himself up with his palms flat next to her head. "Careful kitten" his tone is low and predatory, she can feel his hot breath on her face making her stomach churn.

"Get the fuck off me seed" she bucks her hip with more strength this time hitting her stomach with his making both of them gasp unintentionally. Her from pain him from surprise.

"My child calm yourself we're not here to hurt you"

"Shut the fuck up hipster Jesus and you ginger fuck I told you to get off of me"

She glares at Joseph then at Jacob whose expression is still shocked

"My my deputy who knew such vile words could come from someone like you" John laughs.

"Johnny quiet for once, I think the deputy has something to tell us huh pup isn't that right ?" He gives her that damn smirk again.

"I have nothing to tell you fucking peggies now Get Off!"

"What are you talking about Jake" John asks with curiosity.

"Well since our dear lamb won't share with the family I will." He carefully flattens his hand on her stomach where he can feel a bump there." Our deputy has a little pup on the way isn't that right?" He laughs manically. He wasn't sure at first when the baby bump hit him in his abdomen but now that he touched it his 100% sure.

Joseph gasps "What are you talking about brother? Do you mean she's pregnant" Jacob nods still rubbing rook's baby bump.

She starts getting flustered again and this time she thrashes to get the mountain Man off. John looks dumbfounded but snaps himself out of it when he sees her struggle. " Jake you should probably get off of her. You're stressing her out." Jacob nods and slowly gets off of her making her exhale the long breath she's been holding in.

"Don't fucking act like it's your asshole."

"Hmm of course my dear but if I may who exactly is the father of your unborn child? I hope you at least keep count of the many sins you commit" his statement makes rook laugh madly.

"Oh Johnny, I'll let your brother do the math on that one" John furrows his brows then looks at Jacob making her laugh more "oh no honey don't look at him. Look at your other brother, the holiest man of all, The Father." They all turn to Joseph to see him pale with his mouth agape. "Ohh he didn't tell you? Well you see after a month into the fighting, your brother radioed me, asking to meet him at where all of it started so we can put an end to it. At first I wasn't gonna go cause like who's dumb enough to go, well I was I thought I was gonna go kill him which would make it easier for the resistance to take back the county. But when I got to the church and I saw the Holly man himself shirtless with sweat coating his skin something snapped or maybe I was just too horny." She heard Jacob chuckle  "Anyway one thing led to another the next thing we knew he was fucking me on his Pulpit, the Holy man fucking the heathen in the place of God, The place where he gives his sermons to his beloved children The Father fucking me all raw and roug.."

"I've Heard Enough!" Joseph yelled making her stop talking. "You know my dear rook you didn't have to go into details." He kneeled Infront of her taking her head in between his calloused hands. "You should've told me you were carrying my child I would've--"

"You would've what Joseph huh? All you were gonna do is put a huge target on my back. You know what will happen if the resistance find out I'm carrying one of the greatest cult leaders child, they'll find me and rip the child out of me while I'm still conscious."

"You think I would let that happen, you think any of us would let someone near the mother of my child. Do you think this wickedly of me? " Joseph sounded sad which made rook a little sad.

"Get up my dear we're taking you to my bunker where it's safe" John chirped in all happy and excitedly. "After all can't have the mother of my brother's child in danger."

"He's right pup you already look weak and malnourished. If you want the baby coming out healthy and well you need to be somewhere stress free and safe."

"I'm fine right where I am, it's safe here"

"Not anymore my little lamb. I'm sorry but I'm gonna take you to one of my brothers bunkers whether you like it or not. I prefer it be willingly" she looked at him for a while looking for anything in his expression but nothing just that cool calm face he always wore. She nodded making them all sigh in relief. "John,Jacob please go pack everything our rook has, the sooner we get to the bunkers the better." They both nodded and got to work.

Joseph slowly brought his hand up and layed it on her stomach were he could feel the bump. She gasped not expecting him to do that. "I didn't know I was pregnant you know. But after 2 months in to it Kim was the one who told me I was showing the signs she experienced so she gave me a test. I was hoping for it to come back negative but something in the deepest part of my heart also hoped for it to come as positive" she laughed with tears perked up in her eyes some falling free even though she tried hard not to let them.

He caressed her stomach with light touches not realising his eyes was also welling up with tears. She brought her hands to his cheek wiping the tears that came free something that was too intimate for them both but somehow felt right. Joseph brought his forehead to hers closing his eyes just enjoying the moment.

Not knowing what she was doing she touched her lips to his so lightly that he barely felt it. When he didn't pull away she deepened the kiss a little making him grab her neck with his other hand that wasn't rubbing her stomach to deepen it even more. This didn't feel wrong at all. Maybe the baby would be the sign of hope in this hell. The hope everyone needed.

"Let's take you home little lamb"

The End.

[1-800-chelsea]

word vomit because i have no one to tell these things to

sometimes it feels like the only person in this world that truly understands me is my mom. to tell her how for awhile now i've felt happy maybe only 1 week out of every month, for her to describe it as that one week feeling "manic", and the other 3 apathetic, literally took the words right out of my mouth. and she begs me not to take any more medications. it's probably just putting a bandaid on an open wound. but i don't know what else i'm supposed to do. i don't think i need another therapist. i don't think i need more friends. but if i'm being totally transparent, i don't know what i need, or what i don't need. and she tells me she thinks i'm doing alright as long as i'm happy. and i reply, "mhmm," because i don't have the guts to tell her that i'm not. i already had a headache, i didn't need it to worsen because anyone that knows me, knows i can't be honest without crying. it was late & i know she was tired. i'm not trying to add to her pile of stressors.

and as i lie here with hot tears rolling down my face, my cat sniffing & licking my cheeks wondering what's wrong, i think i jumped in too fast. and my mom told me that only i know the answer to that, but i do i? i think i made a lot of rash decisions. i wonder if i'm suffering from a psychotic break. i don't know how to get out of this rut. i have not felt like myself for a very long time, but i wonder if i even really know who i am anymore, or if i ever did to begin with. and i don't want sympathy, i don't want help. i don't want anything, from anyone. i've been trying so hard to dig deep & figure out what the cause of these feelings are, and i'm clueless. i've become a workaholic because it's the only "healthy" distraction i have to focus on something other than whatever the hell is wrong with me. each weekend rolls around and it's like pulling fucking teeth to get myself out of bed, to get shit done, to see the light of day. if it wasn't for my cat, i don't think i'd move hardly an inch.

and here i go again, getting another innocent person wrapped up in my bullshit. i try so hard to warn people, i cannot be fixed. i'm not looking to be fixed. it makes me feel even worse that i'll probably fuck up someone else's peace of mind because i'm struggling to find my own. i feel like i should come with a warning label. a friend asked me the other day why i'm "feeling dead inside". and at first, it was just a joke. but after some thought, i just don't know what i'm doing with my life anymore. have i made the right decisions? am i making the right decisions? should i push everyone away until i feel stable? when will i know? do i take up the offer to move away and "start over"?

i used to wonder how people got to this point in their lives. and i could never imagine myself feeling that way. and i don't know how much lower it gets than this. how do you know when you've hit rock bottom? how do you know when you've given all you've got? so many questions without answers. and i become so fearful of the unknown, what's to come. my first winter, "alone". i don't thrive this time of year. i know what i'm capable of, and that scares me. i've survived this long and have no intentions of giving up, but how much longer will i feel this low? how does someone like me, whose been to hell & back so many times, just keep going? i'm so tired.

i guess i just continue to take life day by day. maybe someday i'll begin to recognize myself when i look in the mirror. today's the first day in a really long time that i've cried. and maybe that's a good thing, maybe that's apart of the healing process. maybe i just need a really long hug, and a shoulder to cry on.

[gusenitsaa]

Home to you.

Did someone say angsty one way communication. Okay, it's not texting but I'm SO your girl for angsty one way communication! This one is classic rip your heart out and duct tape it back together with glitter glue. Enjoy :)

"I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm trying to get back home to you, and I won't ever stop until I do."

His hand dropped, grip still tight around the shell as he turned back to Ariel.

"Ariel, is there any chance-"

"I'm sorry, Captain. Unless you can hold your breath for… I mean I'm a fast swimmer but not that fast."

"But you could reach Storybrooke? Would you ensure that my message was received?" She nodded and he felt a weight lift from his shoulders. "Thank you Ariel. This, this means more to me than I could ever hope to describe."

When they reached the water's edge she reached around her neck and unclasped her necklace, her tail reappeared as she dove into the cloudy water. No sooner had her tail passed beyond his view there was a bright light and a wave came crashing back towards the shore, Ariel caught in its tow.

"Ariel!" Hook dove forward, catching her arm before she was pulled back under. She was fumbling with something around her neck and soon she'd two legs under her again.

"You were out of my sight for no more than a moment, you couldn't possibly have-"

I'm sorry, Captain. I've made the trip to Storybrooke countless times now but this time… I couldn't break through. It was like the fury of a storm pushing back against me.

"So the ways are shut to you? Have you ever experienced such a thing before? Has something happened to the town?"

"No, It was more… more like reaching a locked door than an empty room."

"Thank you for trying, Ariel. Perhaps another way…" He reluctantly handed her the seashell but she shook her head.

"Keep it. Talk to her sometimes. Maybe she missed your first message, so tell her again."

He nodded and within moments she was no more than a ripple on the surface of the water.

"Emma? Ariel tried to reach Storybrooke, to ensure that you knew the truth but she was unable to pass. I hope you're safe. I never meant to leave you. I'm trying to come home. I love you."

She had clasped the shell around her neck hours ago, in the hopes of catching his voice again, and now she'd heard the message a dozen times. Each time a flare of anger rose up in her and she finally glared up at Gideon. "You're telling me that instead of asking for my help in defeating the apparent source of all Evil, you thought it made the most sense to kidnap my true love and hold him for ransom? Did it occur to you for even a moment that I might have been more willing to help you before you tried to kill me and ripped my true love away?"

"Tell you my plan when you could have chosen to stop me? I've worked too hard for this to let it rest on the whim of another."

"Let me talk to him," she insisted, putting down what she had been working on suddenly.

"Not until you help me to-"

"No," Emma interrupted. "Keep him trapped in another realm, fine. It will hurt me like hell but it won't get you a single step closer to your goal. You need me. But until I'm sure that it is really him, that you haven't killed him and recorded this message somehow, I'll not so much as help you resolve a parking violation."

"Emma? I never meant to leave you. I'm trying to come home. I love you."

Gideon raised an eyebrow and nodded. Emma immediately reached for the shell.

"Killian? Can you hear me?"

"Emma! Oh Emma, I'm sorry, I never meant to leave you-"

"I know, I heard you but you couldn't hear me. Gideon has closed Storybrooke off, He's letting us speak for now because I needed to know it was really you. I was afraid that- Killian tell me something Gideon would not know, couldn't fake."

"I tried to kiss you in New York, you did your very best to ensure that I would never have children. I didn't exactly spread that story around…"

"Oh thank God- Killian I will find a way to get you home, you hear me?"

"Emma?"

"Killian?"

"Emma, I can't hear you. I presume that Gideon has cut you off again. I'm going to keep trying. The second you manage to get that door unlocked I want to be there. Be careful. I love you."

"I love you," she whispered back, frustration permeating every syllable.

If looks could kill, Gideon would no longer be her problem.

"Emma? They found Agrabah. Jasmine and Aladdin. In my haste earlier I forgot to tell you." There was a distant sound and Jasmine's voice suddenly came through the shell, "Emma? Emma is that you?"

"She cannot respond, but I do believe she can still hear us. Jasmine where are you tak-"

"Give me a moment Captain, I promise I will return her to you. Emma! Emma, Aladdin is free, my people are free, my home is safe! It's everything I ever hoped for. And I am so sorry, Emma, it's… it's really our fault that your love is not home with you right now. He was seeking the blood of a kraken and was forced to frighten it off to save Aladdin and I from becoming the creature's next meal. But I've never seen a man more determined, and if there is anything I can do to help him return to you I swear I will. Farewell Emma. Captain?"

The shell went silent for a time and Emma brushed a stray tear from her eyes.

"Why won't you just let me speak to them?" she asked Gideon. "What harm would it do?"

Gideon laid his palm flat and suddenly the shell was in his hand. "If it's too distracting, I could crush it right now?"

"NO!" She tried to infuse her voice with anger but desperation was seeping in. "If you crush it I'll have no way of knowing he's still alive. I promise you that will make me feel even more uncooperative than I am now. He tossed it back to her and she caught it, carefully fastening the chain around her neck again before going back to her reading. A spell to summon the black fairy. What could possibly go wrong.

It wasn't until she was curled up in a too large bed later that night that she finally heard his voice again.

"I hope I'm not being presumptuous love, but I cannot sleep. And I thought perhaps you might not be sleeping either."

"Of course I can't sleep" she retorted, pretending for a moment that he could hear her.

"The finest accommodations in the palace and I've wandered miles to the nearest waters. It's a long bloody way in the desert." He chuckled slightly and her heart lightened. "I'm about to do something very foolish, Emma, but I cannot think of another way."

The smile fell from her lips in an instant. "Killian, what are you doing?"

"The nautilus will take time to repair, and the chance of tracking down the kraken again are infinitesimal. There's likely not another in this realm and the one we found will be deep below recovering from his wounds. I know of only one man who seems to have a source for magic beans lately. And the one thing I have of value to him is no longer in this realm to be bartered." He sighed. "I'll figure something out."

He went quiet and Emma could practically see the look he got in his eyes when he was trying to come up with a strategy, the small crease between his brows as he looked out over the water without truly seeing it.

If he got to the magic bean before Gideon released his hold on Storybrooke… She closed her eyes.

She had work to do tomorrow.

"I've found him!" His voice conveyed a mixture of manic energy and exhaustion that told her it has not been an easy search. "Jasmine near murdered me with a flying rug but we finally found him."

For the first time she was filled with dread at the sound of his voice. Not yet, she wasn't ready. They tried the spell again and again and nothing came of it. Gideon was getting increasingly agitated. Telling her that she wasn't trying hard enough, to stop holding back.

Finally she heard his voice again. "I hope you're ready, love."

Emma spun on Gideon, "Please! Let him though, we'll all figure out how to defeat the black fairy together, just let him through."

"As you wish savior."

"Bloody Hell. Emma I think we're-"

"Killian?" she cried into the shell then turned back to Gideon. "What did you do?"

"I let him through, just as you asked."

"Then where is he?"

"Neverland." Gideon grinned.

She didn't hear his voice again for hours and when she finally did she gasped as though she'd been holding her breath all that time.

"Emma-" he sounded tired, beyond tired, exhausted. "It seems we were redirected. Neverland is no more friendly without the demon. Blackbeard's gone, bloody coward. But I doubt he fared much better."

"Killian, are you okay?" she pleaded, forgetting for the moment that he couldn't hear her.

"Good news love, i don't think they tip their arrows with dreamshade anymore. Unfortunately still hurts like hell when you get hit. I've lost them for now. I can't outrun them, but I still know this island better than anyone, I just need to find a place to-" he hissed in pain abruptly and Emma's heart clenched.

"Better hurry, Savior." Gideon broke in, "Nasty place, Neverland."

"You're going to kill him," Emma cried.

"Not if you help me open this portal first!"

"I don't know how, we've tried it a dozen times."

Killian's voice broke through again, "I just need to find a place to lay low until I can walk on the damn leg without toddling like a babe."

"We'll try again later," Gideon commented, when you're more… invested."

Gideon vanished and Emma sank into her chair, clutching the shell tight. Moments passed in silence than minutes then hours, she wasn't sure exactly how long it was but when his voice broke through it was little more than a whisper.

"Emma." The silence stretched endlessly before he continued. "It's not dreamshade," he whispered, "but it's something. I found it though, the camp. Remember? You kissed me for the first time here."

"Killian you can't stay there, there's no cover! Get up!" she was practically screaming at him now for all the good it would do him.

"I've failed you again, Emma. "I can't… I'm so sorry Emma, but I can't stand." Silent tears streamed down Emma's face and her fists clenched in frustration. "I love you," he murmured drowsily, "love you so much."

"Killian?" she cried, "Killian, no! Come on!"

The next voice she heard was Gideon's as he held up the apprentice's wand to her. "Ready to hold up your end of our arrangement?" Emma nodded, blinking back her tears. Her tears had gotten her into this mess and she had no intention of leaving Gideon with more ammunition. If Gideon meant to open a portal she meant to ensure that it went where she wanted it to.

When Killian opened his eyes he was met with the roars of a flaming room he'd only heard of in stories and the distant sounds of someone calling him. Suddenly a much louder voice echoed across the room, Snow White, calling his name.

"Killian? Killian it's okay, it's going to be okay."

"Snow, how-" he forced himself to sit up, moving further from the nearest wall of flame.

Suddenly Snow had launched herself across the room, through the flames and was at his side one hand resting lightly on his cheek. "I'm afraid I'm your sleeping curse welcoming committee."

"Sleeping curse? No, it wasn't a sleeping curse, it was an arrow."

"Curses come in all shapes and sizes."

"Did she get my message, does she know?"

"Yes, Killian, she knows now. I'm so sorry Killian, we should not have doubted you."

"And she's safe? Gideon-"

"As safe as she can be hunting the black fairy for Gideon."

"For Gideon?"

"He wouldn't allow you to return until she helped him."

"So that's how I ended up in Neverland-"

"Neverland? But this is good Killian, we know where you are, we can come find you."

"Unfortunately love, I'm not nearly so safe topside as you are. I got the arrow out but it's still bleeding. I don't think the lost boys' intentions for me include a glass coffin."

"No-"

"You'll tell her I'm sorry, aye? For everything. I should have trusted her, I shouldn't have even considered leaving, not for a moment."

"No-"

"Killian, please?" The voice was distant but neither could possibly mistake it. "Come on Killian, come back to me"

"No…" he whispered and when Snow looked at him she saw not joy but horror. "No, no, no, Emma RUN!" He cried and Snow grabbed his arm.

"Killian, it's all right! Have some faith in her, she'll wake you! I know she w-"

He spun on her, eyes wild. "How do you suppose the lost boys got a sleeping curse? Why waste time on such things when an arrow through the heart would suffice?"

Snow looked at him questioningly and then slowly her eyes widened.

"I'm the bait, Snow. I'm the bloody bait."

Emma wasn't sure if Gideon followed her through the portal. She'd blasted him across the room the moment it opened and now she didn't spare so much as a glance backwards. It took her a moment to get her bearings, the place looked different in the sunlight, but then she was off sprinting for the campsite, hoping it wasn't too late.

"Killian?" she called into the shell, but there was no response. She picked up the pace, the distant sound of lost boys wooping not nearly far enough away.

The camp was empty when she arrived and her heart sank, had the lost boys found him, had he been too delirious to know where he was? Suddenly she noticed a break in the trees, (you kissed me for the first time here...) she sprinted again, just a few more steps, through the trees, away from the clearing and there! He was collapsed at the base of a tree a piece of torn and stained fabric wrapped neatly around his thigh and the shell necklace clasped in one hand. A bloody arrow sat next to him and she shuddered, realizing he must have pulled it out himself.

"Killian!" She dropped next to him, hand moving to either side of his face. He was so pale, and dark circles under his eyes told her the rest of the story that he hadn't told her via the shell. "Killian please-" her hands shook as she raised them above his wounded thigh, bright light filling her eyes for a moment as her magic settled into the wound. When it faded she pulled away the bandages and sighed in relief when she saw that it hadn't even left a scar.

She shook him gently. "Come on Killian, come back to me," she whispered. But he didn't wake. Her fingers rested tentatively on his throat seeking desperately for a pulse but the only pulse she could feel was her own, pounding in her ears. She bent close, resting her head on his chest, quietly begging him to take a breath, just one breath. Just don't be gone. "Please, Killian, I'm sorry. I should have come for you sooner. I shouldn't have... Please, don't be gone." His tunic was damp with tears that she no longer tried to hold back, blurring her vision so she almost didn't see, almost didn't notice the fairy in black stepping into the clearing.

A crack of a dead branch startled Emma and she jumped to her feet, moving between Killian's body and the invader instinctively.

"He won't wake, Savior, you waste the power of your tears on the dead."

"You did this?" Emma said, her voice coming out weaker than she intended. "You... You killed him? Why?"

"I did, yes. Because you have something I need. And I needed you to bring it to me." Emma's hand moved to her pocket where the wand that could remake any magic was concealed.

"That's it, dear. You see I've been trapped here a very long time and you can free me."

"You didn't have to kill him."

"No, I didn't. But I can do far more with a savior's tears than my pathetic grandson could even dream of." Her hand flicked towards Killian and Emma watched in horror as the droplets of water rose from Killian's tunic into a sparkling mist and flew towards the fairy.

"NO!" Emma cried, she shoved out with all of her anger and grief, a wave of light knocking the fairy back before she could collect her prize. Bending to Killian she took the sword from his belt and advanced on the black fairy, "I'm done being the pawn in your family's battles. I'm done being afraid of my future and I'm done losing the people I love." The sword began to glow and Emma felt a slight satisfaction at the look of surprise and nervousness in the fairy’s eyes. "I deserve better," Emma fumed, "He deserves better! And I won't let you take him away from me."

The black fairy smirked, but Emma noticed how she stepped backwards, her back hitting a tree behind her. "He's dead dear, you're a little late."

"That's never stopped me before," Emma growled. Holding out her hands toward the fairy she watched as blindingly bright tendrils reached for her, wrapping her tight to the tree. With a thrust the glowing sword impaled the black fairy through the heart, deep into the wood behind her trapping her.

"You know simple steel cannot kill me," the fairy taunted, "I'll find a way out of this land and then-"

"Try," Emma spat. "I'm not afraid of you. Try to come to my town, and next time I will end you."

Emma turned her back on the black fairy and returned to Killian, kneeling next to him. She raised the wand, calling the portal to reopen in the ground in front of them and without so much as looking back, she clamped her hand around Killian's forearm and dragged them both through.

When the light cleared she was on the floor of the Sorcerer's mansion, Gideon looking down at her eagerly.

"Did you defeat her, is she-"

"Get out of my sight," Emma said venomously. For a moment she thought he might argue with her but something in her eyes warned him now was not the time. He vanished, leaving them alone in the empty room.

"All right Killian," she said, rubbing her thumb across his pale cheek. "This is it. I really, really, hope I wasn't bluffing."

She took a deep breath to steady herself and knelt, kissing him softly, all her hopes hanging on this one desperate chance. And before she even opened her eyes she felt the magic. She felt it in her heart and his and all around her. Killian gasped and then he was kissing her back, pulling himself up, pulling her into his lap and whispering in her ear all the things she never wanted to stop hearing over and over and over, desperate to make up for lost time.

"I love you. I love you. Emma, I love you so."

Laughter bubbled up inside her, a desperate joyful relief as she clung to him and she could feel his chuckle in reply. "We did it, Killian."

"It's true love, did you ever doubt?"

"You were dead."

"A slight exaggeration." He grinned and cupped her cheek with his hand, "not that it would have stopped you if I had been. My stubborn love. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have doubted you, not even for a moment. You were right, I should have trusted you from the first."

"I gave up on you, Killian. I didn't even think- I'm sorry. I'm sorry too."

"We'll do better," Killian whispered, leaving light kisses on her cheek jaw and neck, wherever he could reach. "Every day we'll do better, aye?" She nodded, her tears now tears of happiness. "Emma will you do that with me?" Killian dropped his hand from her face to fish around in his pocket, pulling out the ring she'd worn for so brief a time and offering it to her. Emma nodded again and Killian slipped the ring onto her finger.

Finally, back where it belonged.

All of them finally, back where they belonged.

*Throws confetti*

For @lynyrdwrites​ who inspired me, for @stubble-sandwich​ who prodded me to finish and for @thegladelf​ fellow reunion whore.

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