#home to you

[iwritetopassthetime]

have yourself a marry little christmas

Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x fem!reader

Part of my home to you universe // Masterlist

Wordcount: 11K

Summary: The festive season is in its hight in Bradley and Blossom's new house. The couple is ready to welcome Christmas with family and friends, revive old traditions and create new ones. With nothing but happiness on the horizon, the pair is sure to have a memorable first Christmas.

Warnings: domestic fluff with our favourite pair, Bradley in grey sweats, shameless festive smut, oral sex (m receiving), sub!Bradley if you squint, unprotected p in v sex (wrap it before you tap it!), dirty talk, smidge of daddy kink and breeding kink, creampie, let me know if I've missed anything

6 December, 19 days till Christmas

All week the weather had made everyone in their pompously glittering houses just a little Christmas-y. Of course, the temperatures in Southern California could never drop low enough to merit a knee-high snowfall, or black ice on the roads and pavements, but it was chilly enough to make everyone pull the coats and fuzzy scarves from their closets. 

Christmas tunes were drifting slowly through the beautiful, almost fully decorated Mediterranean-style home. So far it was the only house on the block that hadn’t gone all out in terms of lights and decorations. But the light-up snowman on the front lawn and the twinkling lights that spanned the length of the eaves, were decoration enough for the happy couple that had moved in about a month ago.

Upon walking up to the dark wood door in the arched entryway, one would be greeted by a simple, but stylishly handcrafted wreath. The twisted branches and evergreen vines were dusted with false snow which made the red of the holly fruit all the more striking. 

Then further inside, in the small entry hall, the accent table where you and Bradley would drop your keys upon entering was cluttered with old Christmas cards and small ornaments to amplify the holiday feeling. The door to the walk-in closet was adorned by another wreath, albeit smaller and even less ostentatious than the first.

It was older, a family heirloom like the many other trinkets that were going up on walls and doors as part of your very first Christmas season as a couple.

Finally, a long pine branch garland paired with tiny warm white lights twisted itself around the bannister to the first floor and guided the way up to where the bedrooms were located. 

Immediately to the left from the entry hall, through another arched doorway, was the living room where, it seemed, the beating heart of all this Christmas excitement was steadily thrumming.

Boxes, both old and new, littered the floor and couch, each carton lid sporting a different title in a neat blocky handwriting. Those being the last ones to leave the storage compartment where all of Bradley’s family’s belongings had been kept. Decorations were laying across the available surfaces, ready to be either given a proper place or put back in storage. 

And the piece-de-resistance in this room was the yet star-less Christmas tree that was standing in front of the three large windows facing the street, showing off its twinkling lights to any passerby. 

The electric flames in the faux fireplace seemingly danced to Michael Bublé’s baritone coming from the festive playlist as a string of colourful lights dangled over it. The cable was still half-tangled between your fingers as you balanced on top of a chair in front of the fireplace, trying to hoist the lights over the painting of the sea you got as a move-in present from Penny and Mav which sat above the mantlepiece. 

A roll of masking tape hung between your lips and a pair of scissors were tucked inside the pocket of your leggings. Neither was going be used any time soon as you just couldn’t seem to reach high enough to hook the other end of the cable over the damn frame.

You lifted one leg, feeling the chair wobble a little. ‘Shit.’ You stepped back and scoffed at your unfinished work. Bradley had done most of the things that required the extra inches (that you lacked), but with him in the shower you’d given yourself the task to try and finish setting the lights up.

And obviously, you were failing at that miserably.

‘Hey, hey, hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing?’ You felt Bradley’s hands reach for your hips from behind at the same time as his voice came rushing from the doorway.

He made sure you were stable on top of the chair before you he turned you around to face him. ‘I thought you were going to let me deal with the lights, baby.’

‘Yeah, but I thought I’d manage it,’ you explained, untangling the balled-up string of lights in your hands. ‘Stupid painting isn’t cooperating.’

Bradley chuckled, his hands on your hips gently squeezing your sides. His thumbs slipped beneath the edge of your crop top and rubbed short crescent shapes into your skin. You placed your own hand on his face, cupping his cheeks in your small palms and bringing his face closer to yourself. Still on the chair, you were barely half a head higher than him. 

His hair was still a little damp, ends sticking out at all directions after he most likely towelled it dry. His skin was flushed from the heat of his shower. His face had a thin sheen over it with the remnants of the cleanser and facial creams you’d taught him to use. Bradley was not all that vain, but he had seemed to gladly accept any tips on self-care from you. That included everything from skincare to dietary tidbits. 

You were this close to getting him to switch entirely to oat milk, but he was still taking his coffee with that powdered creamer that made you gag. After seeing the back of the box and the list of “ingredients”, you were convinced that the creamer was called such for appearances only. The general idea of milk relied solely on it being mentioned in the list of flavourings.  

You looked further down at his tight black T-shirt and the pair of grey sweats that although loose still outlined his strong, muscular thighs and… all else.

You smirked to yourself, appreciative of your absolute favourite article of clothing Bradley owned, took a tiny step over the chair seat to move closer to him and wrap your arms around his shoulders. 

‘You’re looking nice,’ you comment slyly, your eyes darting between his own and the sweats. ‘Looking, uh… real comfortable.’

‘Yeah…’ Bradley briefly glanced down at his clothes and as far as one could see he hadn’t seemed to grasp the extent of your interest in his choice of clothing. ‘Just threw these on so we could finish decorating, but I’ll put something nice for the date.’

‘No, no, no,’ you hastily interjected. 

You drummed your fingers on his shoulders and bit on the plushiest part of your bottom lip, stifling that ever growing smirk. With one finger you trailed a line down from his shoulder to the centre of his chest, just at the middle of his sternum. 

‘I’m just,’ you pursed your lips and gave an exaggeratedly pointed look towards his lower half, ‘showing appreciation.’

Bradley threw his head back in laughter. Your hands on his shoulder and chest shook with the force of his chuckle. He took a step forward to fully sever the distance between the two of you and wrapped his hands around the small of your back. You leaned slightly back into his tender but firm hold. 

To be entirely honest the slight possessiveness of it always managed to get you all fluttery inside.

‘Well, I guess it’s like with guys and sundresses. Right?’

You nodded, ‘Pretty much. You just… you look delicious in these.’

‘Yeah?’ Bradley chuckled, his eyes darkening at your not so innocent insinuation. 

His hands slid down your waist to the underside of your ass, lifting you without so much as a twinge of discomfort from the chair. You felt your pussy flutter as slick began to pool onto your panties. Your legs wrapped themselves around his waist, ankles locked at the small of his back so as to keep you as close to him as you could. Your slit came to rub against the top of Bradley’s abdomen which was a welcome friction, but certainly not the kind you were now growing desperate for. 

‘And you wanna know what else…’ Bradley murmured against the shell of your ear and it caused another flutter to go through you and peak at the apex of your thighs. ‘I decided to go commando.’

You whimpered. Was he trying to kill you? 

You rolled your hips into his hold, trying to rub against his lower belly and possibly urge him to prove his words by showing you. Bradley, however, seemed to have a different idea because he lowered you down on the ground and reached behind you for the line of Christmas lights that was hanging off of the mantlepiece. 

‘Come on, I’ll finish setting up the lights.’

‘Wait, wait, wait!’ You halted him, still incredibly turned on and with your face several degrees warmer. ‘Bradley!’

He turned back to you and leaned down to kiss away the pout from your lips. ‘Let’s finish this first.’

‘We can always finish it tomorrow,’ you wiggled your eyebrows suggestively. 

‘Nuh-uh, we need to finish it today.’

Bradley had been adamant that one of the Christmas traditions he wanted to revive from his childhood was decorating on St Nicholas day. His mum had been a somewhat devout Catholic and had kept with certain traditions she felt were important to her.

Many of those traditions and beliefs had been, of course, passed down onto Bradley and you genuinely loved that he wanted to start doing them again with you. 

It made you two moving in together and being together all the more significant. He was making you a part of his family traditions, as were you. You were weaving each other’s familial pasts into a present and a future where there was no his or hers. There was only ours, together as one. 

It made you love him even more.

‘I’ll put up these lights,’ Bradley began. ‘You can check those boxes over there for the tree topper, it should be with the other ornaments. We’ll put it up together and then we’ll have some time to kill before going to the Christmas market. How’s that sound?’

You pursed your lips, considering his proposition. ‘You better be really, really naked underneath those sweats, Lieutenant.’

Bradley laughed again and kissed your forehead before climbing onto the chair to put up the lights. 

You made your way to the small mountain of boxes on the couch, digging through years and years of family Christmases and holidays and looking for anything resembling the ornament you were looking for. 

After a few minutes of searching, you caught a glimpse of a white and gold point. You reached for it, turning over other pieces of decoration and memorabilia in the cardboard box to pull out a very beautiful Christmas tree topper. 

The little rhinestones reflected the surrounding lights which made the star appear as if it was actually shining. There were some specks of dirt and dust given that it had spent nearly two decades in a storage compartment, so you grabbed a rag from the coffee table to give it a very light scrub. 

You wanted to make sure you wouldn’t damage a single stone on the piece.

Feeling Bradley’s hands come up to your waist from behind once more, you looked back at him with a comfortable smile. You noticed the rhythmic twinkling of red, green, yellow and blue over his shoulder and you fully twisted your body around to look at the finished work. 

‘Oh, Bradley,’ you said softly, ‘they look fantastic.’

He turned with you and wrapped his arms around you, laying a soft kiss on your temple. 

‘They’re all pretty well levelled, right?’

A long line climbed up the wall, then broke into neat half-crescent moons across the top half, surrounded the painting above the fireplace, continued off in those rounded shapes and dropped back down the wall to connect to the power outlet behind the Christmas tree. This way, all cables would be hidden from view and wouldn’t be a tripping hazard. 

‘They look fantastic!’

Bradley kissed your temple once more before gently urging you forward towards the Christmas tree. The lights, tinsel and baubles were already set up in a beautiful arrangement that kept up with the fairly minimalist style of your decoration.

Both you and Bradley agreed that an elephantine amount of festive ornamentation inside and outside the house would a) be too much for either of your tastes, and b) would make your electricity bill go through the roof. And neither of you wanted your Christmas to be ruined.

Bradley bent down to loop his arm behind your hips, lifting you easily off of the ground again. You shrieked with laughter as Bradley inched both of you closer to the tree. You reached up and placed the star-shaped topped at the very peak of the fake pine tree. 

And your hard work was rewarded by the joyful feeling of finally having completed your festive decorating. 

Bradley lowered you back on the ground and wrapped an arm around your waist as the two of you admired the fully decorated tree. Christmas tunes continued to drone in the background. Bradley swayed you left and right, singing softly the words of the song in your ear. 

He nipped at the skin below it, making you let out a sound that was something between a giggle and a moan. His hand on your waist curled to bring your body around and press it against his own. 

‘Are you still interested to see what’s in my grey sweats?’ He asked you sultrily. 

‘Oh, I’m pretty sure I can feel it,’ you replied. You wrapped your arms around his neck and brought him down for a much needed kiss. 

The twinkling Christmas lights casted a lovely, romantic glow on the two of you as your bodies moved clumsily in the direction of the couch. 

You pushed Bradley down first and eagerly climbed into his lap. Your knee knocked into a cardboard box and accidentally sent it flying down to the ground, it’s contents spilling out onto the large Egyptian rug. 

‘Right, we might need to tidy up first,’ you said with no small amount of dejection. 

You were more interested in keeping up with your current activities, growing wetter by the second as you felt the hard ridge of Bradley’s cock nestling perfectly against your slit. But you also knew perfectly well neither of you would be comfortable on the couch with how cluttered it was.

‘Quickly.’ Bradley instructed. ‘And then we go back to your exploration.’

You cackled at his evident excitement. You got up from his lap and gave a mock salute, ‘Right away, Lieutenant.’

You bent down to pick up the contents of box you had knocked over while Bradley started to collect the ones on the couch and coffee table, hoisting them into his arms and carrying them off to the bottom floor closet for temporary storage. You picked up pieces of old newspapers the were used to cushion the more delicate ornaments, placing each carefully in the box.

Then you foot knocked against something more solid and you looked down to find the edge of what looked like an album that was bound in dark red leather. 

You reached down to grasp its edge and picked it up. It didn’t have anything written on the cover so you tentatively flipped it open to find pictures that were meticulously taped two-a-page. And under every picture there was a brief caption and a date. 

The handwriting was beautiful. Each letter and digit was like a work of art by itself. It was definitely a feminine hand; you’d seen Bradley write stuff down numerous times and he was perhaps a few degrees off from having a doctor's penmanship. 

The first two pictures were of what looked like a table set up with Christmas dinner, the title and date confirming your conclusion. The next two were different snapshots of some people who you didn’t recognise until you turned the leaf and your eyes landed on a picture of two very familiar women. 

One was Sarah, much younger and with her wild, curly hair styled in a side parting. She was wearing an incredibly ugly Christmas jumper that matched the one the woman next to her wore. 

Bradley’s mum.

Carole’s face was split in half by a massive beam that shined through the very picture. Her arm was thrown over Sarah’s shoulder, pulling her in a half hug. The photo just below it was similar — Sarah and Carole being the only two characters present. It seemed as if Carole was saying something to whoever was taking the photo, pointing a finger at them. 

‘Oh my god, where did you find this?’

Bradley looked down at the album over your shoulder. His eyes were wide with surprise and the edges of his mouth were pulling into a grin. He lifted his hand and lowered it gently onto the album’s page. 

‘It was in the box I knocked over,’ you explained.

‘Christ, I remember that Christmas. Mom had invited the whole gang,’ he explained and flipped over to the next page.

There were four photos of Maverick and a blond man who was taller and bigger than him, but still very much lean. The caption said Maverick and Iceman. 

So that was Sarah’s husband, Tom…

‘Look at uncle Ice.’ 

Bradley’s smile grew, most likely going into that place in his mind where his most treasured memories lay. His eyes began to glisten when he looked at the fourth picture — his mother was squeezed between the two aviators, the three of them frozen in laughter. 

You hummed, unable to find anything useful to say. The dates on the pictures suggested it was the Christmas a couple years or so prior to Carole’s passing. It was surely something that brought no small amount of anguish to your boyfriend at the moment. 

Then you flipped onto the next page of the album and couldn’t contain the roar of laughter that escaped you.

There were two pictures of Bradley. One of him on his own, the other of him a whole head and a half taller that his dear mother, but that wasn’t what made you laugh. No, Bradley’s hair was short, styled in spikes with what seemed like copious amounts of gel and he… had frosted tips!

You snorted, trying to contain your giggles. Your whole body shook with the force of your laughter.

‘Look at you hair!’

Bradley tried to grab the album from your hands, but you ran away from him and flipped through it for more compromising pictures.

‘Give it here!’

‘No, oh my!’ You laughed harder when you saw a picture that Bradley had obviously taken of himself in a bathroom mirror, proudly showing off the atrocious hairstyle. ‘W-what?!’

‘It was fashionable!’ Bradley defended when he managed to reach you and tackle you in a hug, prying the album from your hands. ‘And I wasn’t the only guy in high school with that haircut, I’ll tell you that.’ 

Bradley dropped the album onto the coffee table and stood between it and you, his hands holding your upper arms delicately. Tears had sprung in the corners of your eyes, your shoulders still shook and you could barely keep from laughing. When your laughter had turned to steady giggling, you looked up at Bradley, giving you an exaggerated pout.

‘Aw, baby!’ You reached up to hold his face and lifted yourself onto your tippy toes to kiss his protruding bottom lip. ‘I didn’t mean to laugh that hard. I think you actually looked quite, um… charming?’

‘I was actually.’ Bradley softened, a deep blush painting his cheeks that was visible even in the dim lighting of the living room. 

‘Did you do it for a girl or…?’

Bradley scratched the back of his head. ‘Rose Jennings. She was the grade above me, I had a crush on her. Her ex boyfriend had the same hairstyle so I thought she’d like me if I did the same.’

There was something so adorably moronic about him adopting a new style — one that even in the nineties through early naughties was a choice — all to impress a girl. One could put it down as simply teenage foolishness, but you thought it was stupidly sweet. To think that this hunk of a man was once a pining young boy, ready to change his entire appearance at the drop of a hat — all for a crush. 

Sweet, but very stupidly so.

‘Oh, no. Did Rose Jennings not like it then?’

‘Well, she didn’t date me,’ Bradley admitted almost shyly. ‘But we did almost go to third base under the bleachers.’ 

‘Woo hoo!’ You fist pumped the air. 

‘It was stupid. I never thought you’d find pictures of me from that time.’

You let out a curt giggle and buried your face in his chest to calm down. ‘The idea of it is starting to grow on me. Have you thought of doing your hair like that again?’

‘God, no!’ Bradley’s chest rumbled with the power of his baritone. You lifted your head and looked at him quizzically. 

So even he agreed that that had been a choice.

‘Well, you never know. You could bring that style back. I might let you hit home run since Rose Jennings didn’t give you the same curtesy.’

Bradley rolled his eyes playfully. ‘She did give me a half-handjob.’

‘A half-handjob? What’s that, over-the-jeans action?’

Bradley nodded and it was now your turn to give him a pout. This revelation, however, gave you an idea. A brilliant way to combine your previous conversation, your minuscule obsession with his grey sweats, and this new piece of information. 

Your mouth filled with saliva when the idea began to form more solidly in your mind’s eye.

‘Let me imagine you like that for a sec.’ You whispered and made a show of closing your eyes whilst rubbing your temples to conjure the image of Bradley with that horrible hairstyle.

You snorted out another bout of laughter, but remained laser focused on your plan. ‘Okay, okay…’

You let your hands rest on his chest and slowly caress his pecks, searching for the peaks of his nipples. The pert buds began to engorge beneath your touch and you swore you could feel the goosebumps sprouting across Bradley’s skin.

Your hands began moving lower and lower, your nails coming to gently scratch against his stomach. You sneaked your hands underneath, feeling your way across his soft stomach.

You remembered how Bradley had complained about losing his six-pack some weeks ago and you had made it your mission to convince him just how much you enjoyed that extra fluff. 

Looking up towards his face, you found his eyes fluttering the moments your fingers teased against the waistband of his sweats. You smiled to yourself, feeling Bradley’s hands bury themselves in the short locks of hair at the back of your head. 

Deliberately slow and tender, you kissed his neck — right above the small scar he had on there — before letting your teeth sink into the soft flesh, marking him as your own. 

Bradley’s head fell onto your shoulder and he let out a litany of whimpered moans. You pressed your lips against his earlobe, whispering. ‘I know I’m not Rose Jennings—’

‘Y-you’re better,’ Bradley rushed, breathless.

‘I know. And I’ll show you just how I would’ve showed my appreciation.’

Taking a tiny step back from him, you gave yourself enough space to kneel down in front of Bradley while keeping your hands on his hips. Your fingers hooked underneath the waistband of his sweats and before you pulled them down, you looked back up towards Bradley to make sure you weren’t doing anything he didn’t like or want. 

But seeing his lust-blown eyes, the complete desperation in them, you knew that stopping now would be more of a torture than anything else. 

You slowly pulled his sweats down. His half-hard cock sprang free from its confines, slapping against his left upper thigh. The head was a shade of red that was growing in intensity by the second, appearing almost purple the longer you sat there and did nothing more than take him by the base and give him a couple of lazy strokes.

‘H-happy?’ Bradley rasped.

‘Hm?’

He licked his lips. ‘Told you I went commando.’

You smirked, lowering your lips to the head of his cock and giving it a kitten lick that had Bradley shuddering. You licked the tip again, feeling the salty taste of precum gather on your tongue. 

The taste of him was addictive!

‘I knew already. Do you think your own girlfriend would miss the fact that you’re wearing grey sweatpants and nothing underneath?’

‘I guess no— Oh! F-fuck, Blossom!’

Bradley gasped, his head falling back, when you finally spared him from the torture and wrapped your lips around his cock. Your hand at the base began to pump him slowly, working his length at the bottom while you mouth lathered him up in saliva and precum at the top. 

You lifted your eyes briefly, looking up at Bradley through the thick curtain of your eyelashes. His bottom lip was firmly lodged between his teeth, biting down on it so hard you were positive once you rose up to kiss him you’d feel the distinct coppery taste of blood on your tongue. 

Bradley’s eyebrows were furrowed and eyes fluttered shut as his hips rolled once to meet the heat of your open mouth.

You choked back a little at the sudden intrusion, moaning deep in your throat which only seemed to excite Bradley more. One of his hands came down to your head, finding purchase at the back of it to gather your short locks in a firm hold and pull at it briefly. 

You loved when he pulled your hair during sex; it had taken both of you some time to figure out how to build your sense of security in the bedroom which included slightly risky things like hair pulling and choking. Bradley had been patient and maybe too careful, but you had a safe word established and practiced plenty and regularly.

Now there was nothing you loved more than having Bradley grab you by the hair when you went down on him, or even grab your throat and squeeze when he was fucking you like a madman. 

His fingers were buried in your soft hair, guiding your head up and down his length. You relaxed your throat and opened wider. The head of his cock hit the back of your throat a smidge too hard on one of his thrusts and you gagged around it, drool dripping down your chin which most likely made for a pretty erotic sight because Bradley’s moans were growing louder.

He sounded completely wrecked. 

Your free hand came around his thighs to grab at his buttocks and pull him even further into your throat. You bobbed your head faster and the most debauched sounds fell past your lips, gliding down your bottom lip and chin with your drool.

‘Fuck, baby! Yes, yes,’ Bradley babbled. ‘Fuck, I love this mouth, love this mouth so much! God, if you could just— fuck, see yourself right now… ngh, fucking gorgeous. With my cock in your mouth, baby.’

You relished in the incoherent praise and doubled down on your efforts, trying to take more and more of him in your mouth. You felt every engorged vein, every ridge of him against your tongue as you slid his cock in and out of your mouth. 

Bradley’s voice rose in octaves and completely overtook the persistent hum of the Christmas playlist. His chin was pressed against his chest as he gazed down at you through half-lidded eyes, but even so you could see his soft brown irises had turned dark with desire. 

‘Fuck, my beautiful girl. My gorgeous, gorgeous girl. I love you, I fucking love you, baby.’ He groaned louder when you twisted your hand at the base of his cock as you dragged it up and then down. 

You moaned around his length in response, gagging and tearing up at the strain in your throat but you kept at it. The pain was more pleasure than pain. And if it meant seeing Bradley fall completely apart, unable to even keep standing on his own two feet, then you’d take it all.

‘Oh, I’m gonna come,’ Bradley whimpered. ‘Can I come in your mouth, baby? Can I— fuck!’

You lifted your head so only the tip of his cock rested against your tongue. Your saliva-soaked hand kept jerking him closer and closer to completion. 

‘Come, Bradley. Come in my mouth.’

His head fell back as a strangled groan ripped out of his chest. His hand in your hair fisted it harder as you worked him through his orgasm, ropes of cum flying into your open mouth and filling it with that familiar salty taste.

Bradley lowered his hand from your hair to your chin and lifted your face so he could see you better. You made a show of showing him your filled mouth and swallowing down his seed with an exaggerated gulp that had him groaning once more. 

‘Fuck, Blossom. You little minx.’

You helped him by lifting the waistband of his sweats and covering him back up, the alluring sight of his softening cock being the last thing you see before the grey material covered it again. It allowed for an equally alluring sight of that same cock outlined by the cotton material. 

Bradley caressed your chin affectionately, humming in approval when you wiped the remnants of drool from your chin and got up. He helped you by holding your arm and once you were upright once more, he lowered his lips to capture yours in a kiss that had such depth you thought he’d merge himself to you.

‘Was I better than Rose Jennings?’

Bradley huffed, ‘I can’t even remember who that was.’

Your softly murmured good boy was met with a visible shudder on his part. He dipped down for another kiss that rewarded both of you. 

‘Come,’ he urged gently when the two of you separated, a line of spit being the only thing still connecting your lips. ‘Let’s get dressed and head to the Christmas market before I fuck you on this couch.’

‘We can do both in succession if you’d like.’

The Uber driver dropped you off at the entrance of the market, wishing you both a merry Christmas. Like a true gentleman, Bradley helped you out of the car and thanked the man once again before gently pushing the door shut. He entwined your gloved fingers with his bare ones as the two of you made your way through the maze of huts.  

The alpine-style structures offered the ultimate Christmas atmosphere. They were adorned with small lanterns and plush fake snow. The vendors wore red and white hats with bells at the end that jingled with each of their move. And at the end of the first row, there was a sign directing you to each part of the Christmas market. 

‘Oh, we should grab a bite to eat at the bratwurst hut,’ you suggested excitedly. ‘And drink gluhwein. And then we can see about getting some presents for the family.’

Bradley let you lead the way. ‘I’m down for all that. I wanna check out the skating rink, if you’re up for it.’

You considered the proposition for a moment. Ice skating had never been something you were good at, being slightly clumsy in general meant that unstable surfaces were even more of a hinderance to your walking — or even standing — abilities.

‘I’m willing to give it a go,’ you told him. ‘But if I fall and bruise my ass—’

‘I’ll gladly kiss it.’

‘Ew, Bradley!’

He laughed good-naturedly when you slapped his chest. ‘Don’t pretend like you wouldn’t like that.’

You raised a brow and lowered your voice to a whisper. ‘Are we really considering public sex?’

‘We already did that, baby.’ Bradley’s lips pulled in a triumphant smirk as he led you in the direction of the bratwurst hut. ‘Halloween night at the Hard Deck.’

‘That doesn’t count,’ you retorted.

On Halloween, Bradley had wanted to improve your mood after the disappointing start of your house hunting. The two of you had gotten slightly drunk on Margaritas and one too many Jäger bombs. At some point during the night, you had snuck into the men’s toilets and stumbled into a stall to enjoy some risky behaviour. 

‘It totally counts,’ Bradley argued as the two of your joined the queue in front of the hut that was maybe a little too heavy on the lederhosen-wearing cartoon sausages. But the sound of crackling meat and smell of spices made up for the gaudy decor.

Mindful of the random people that surrounded you, Bradley lowered his voice too. ‘The guys walked in on us, remember? Bagman even barged in our stall.’

You chuckled, ‘Okay, okay. They didn’t see much thought. I was wearing that long black dress on so we were both pretty covered.’

‘Mmm, you did look really hot as Rhaenyra Targaryen.’ Bradley leaned down to kiss the corner of her jaw and she swatted him away. ‘Bouncing in my lap like a cock-hungry slut.’

‘Shush!’ Despite the nippy December wind, you felt your entire face grow hot at his teasing. ‘And it certainly didn’t help that we’d shotgunned that joint beforehand.’

‘Don’t know, made everything a bit more… colourful, didn’t it.’

You looked up at him with a small smirk. There was a certain mischievous glint in his eye that was hardened by the vivid Christmas lights surrounding you. If you knew he’d be in such a mood after the fun you’d had back home, you’d known to give it even more effort. You loved seeing Bradley so relaxed and yes, even his bouts of extreme horniness that always seemed to flourish in inappropriate times and places was a part of him you adored. 

‘I’m not sure about the wursts anymore,’ you told him with a joking lilt to your voice. Bradley raised his eyebrows and inquired as to your meaning. ‘Me, gobbling down a sausage. Don’t wanna give you ideas.’

Bradley barked out a laugh which startled the old couple standing in the queue in front of you. He apologised through a fit of giggles that had you hiding your mouth behind your gloved fingers to stifle your own laughter. The elderly woman who had her arm around her husband’s smiled at you both, assuring you it was fine and complimented you on what a charming couple you two make. 

The rest of the evening was spent going from hut to hut, trying different festive delicacies and drinks. Two mulled wines each later, you were warm enough to take off your gloves and stuff them in your pocket. Bradley’s own hands offered enough warmth for you as he led you down the busy path, offering to buy you anything you’d like. 

The two of you stopped in front of a place that had a wide display handmade Christmas tree toys. The most interesting part of their work was the offer to take a picture in their photo booth that they would then put in a little plastic sphere or heart-shaped bauble. 

‘It’s gonna be nice to have something to commemorate our first Christmas together,’ you told Bradley and led him to the photo booth so you two could participate. 

Ten minutes later you were moving off to another part of the Christmas market with your bauble packed in a little bag. Bradley carefully pulled you to stand in front of him while he steered both of you in the direction of the ice skating rink some hundred feet away.

While he was paying for your entrance, your phone buzzed in your coat’s pocket and you pulled it out to see a new message had popped up in the Bitchezzz United group chat you had with Phoenix, Frankie and Halo. 

QueenNix💁🏻‍♀️: BLOSSOM!!!

QueenNix💁🏻‍♀️: checked in with the shelter today. they’ll keep the little guy until next week. Frankieand I will pick him up and keep him at our place until xmas eve.

You gasped, typing out a quick response. 

FlowerPower🌼: That’s perfect! Thank you so much! Keep the receipts for food and anything like that.

baddie with a fattie💋💋: absolutely not babes!

FlowerPower🌼: absolutely yes! Keep the receipts or I’ll ask Amelia to hack into your banking accounts so I can see how much I owe you and give you money instead of xmas presents!

Halo reacted to your message with a laughing emoji. An ellipsis appeared next to Phoenix’s profile picture before her next message appeared. 

QueenNix💁🏻‍♀️: ill keep a tab on any expenses but it’s seriously not an issue. we’re excited to see Bradley’s reaction!!!

FlowerPower🌼: thanks, Nix! Im excited as well! Gotta go now, Bradley took me ice skating.

carbs4life🍔🍜🍕: send pics!

QueenNix💁🏻‍♀️: say hi to mr chicken

baddie with a fattie💋💋: trip him up lmao

Before Bradley could see your chat as he made his way back to you, two pairs of skates in hand, you pocketed your phone.

‘The girls say hi,’ you told him as he knelt at your feet to untie your shoe laces. 

‘They’re still on for Christmas Eve, right?’ He asked.

You nodded in response while he pulled your shoes one at a time, then helped you into the skates. They were a nice cream colour, fleece lined which warmed up your feet immediately. After he was done with your own, Bradley quickly slipped out of his Timbs and into a pair of much larger black skates.

‘How did they manage to find boat sized shoes for you, I’ll never know.’ You joked. Bradley tickled your sides in retaliation which made you yelp and you clamped your mouth shut. 

You watched him with a smile while he fiddled with the shoe laces, very much excited yourself to see the reaction to his Christmas present. You’d managed to get this far with the secret, hiding the fact that you’d been scouring the websites of all breeders and shelters in the state for the perfect puppy. Bradley had told you he’d always dreamed of having a dog and seeing as you had space to fill in your big house, you thought a dog would be a welcome gift. 

‘Ready?’ Bradley got up from the bench and offered you his hand. 

You beamed at him and nodded, sliding your palm in his own and letting yourself be pulled to your feet.

The pair of you waddled your way to the door and carefully got onto the rink, making sure not to fall over the moment the blades of your skates touched the false ice. But with Bradley’s hand firmly holding yours, you began to abandon your worries and happily slide around the rink with him.

24 December, 0 days till Christmas

The dinner table was extended and covered by a beautiful, red table cloth. There were candles spread around in the few gaps that weren’t filled by plates and bowls of various foods. There was a turkey in the middle of the spread, surrounded by smaller dishes containing stuffing, gravy, Bradley’s potato salad, and a pear and red onion chutney you’d made from scratch. There were bowls of dried fruit and a basket of bread from the nearby bakery. The first bottle of red wine was open and left to decant on a side table, surrounded by a fresh set of merlot glasses you’d gotten as part of your list of move-in must-haves.

The food around the table was perhaps enough to feed an army, but knowing full well that a majority of their guests would be an ever-hungry bunch of Navy guys, it made sense. Payback alone could probably finish the turkey by himself and then ask for another. Bob was the easiest to cook for, because he had the stomach of a chicken and rarely asked for second helpings even if your inner grandma was constantly pushing more things onto his plate because he needed the nourishment. 

You’d left Bradley in the kitchen to finish the chocolate mousse while you showered and changed into something nice. That wasn’t too tricky a desert to do and the only thing you asked of him was to whip it until it was an airy consistency. You could say you were confident in his abilities to let him.

Something happened in the shower; you couldn’t tell if it was the festive spirit, the excitement for the night ahead, or simply the fact that you had started to imagine Bradley in his crisp white shirt and dark blue slacks carefully handling a chocolate mousse. 

You could peg it to ovulation-related horniness, but the thoughts kept coming to the forefront and the hot water stream just elevated those feelings to another level. 

His large hands wrapped around the whisk or wooden spoon, flicking through the mousse with a military precision. His muscles tensing under the material of the shirt with every move. His plush lips pursed in concentration.

By the time you got to your closet in search of an appropriate dress to wear, you’d decided you wanted to add on to his Christmas present in a more personal, more pleasurable way.

Your heels clicked against the wood of the stairs as you descended, making your way to the back and into the kitchen. The skirt of your red dress swished around your thighs and you intentionally swung your hips a little more so that the fabric could flare about you seductively. Your put your left hand behind you, wanting to partially obscure the bunched up lacy fabric in your first. 

Your plan seemed to have worked because Bradley’s eyes were immediately on you when you entered the room.

Bradley’s mouth hung open with the wooden spoon he had been using to stir the mousse halfway up. You walked to his side and wrapped your free arm around his middle, making a final check on the mousse. You peeled yourself off of him and dipped a finger in it, tasted, and the sweetness melted on your tongue. 

You let out a deep moan before grabbing the spoon from Bradley and scooping some more of the mousse onto it. ‘Oh my god! This is to die for!’

‘Your dress is to die for,’ he commented before taking back the spoon and throwing it in the sink. He pushed the bowl of mousse out of the way before turning you around to face him. You chuckled at the seriousness and determination in his eyes which raked up and down your form, fully taking in your outfit.

The sweetheart neckline offered a nice view of your cleavage which was enhanced by the bra you knew him to harbour strong feelings for. The dress was cinched at the waist before flowing freely down your hips, reaching just shy of your knees. 

Bradley’s hands wondered from your shoulders to your sides and waist, fully appreciating your outfit and you in it. You were patiently waiting for him to have his fill before spilling the contents of your hand in his own.

‘You look beautiful, Blossom.’

You smiled up at him. ‘Thank you, baby. Thought I’d finally put this dress on, it’s been in our closet for months.’

‘You should’ve worn it out by now. Torn it to shreds.’

‘Yeah?’ 

Bradley nodded eagerly. ‘I certainly would’ve helped with that.’

Your eyebrows twitched and a self-satisfied smirk made its way onto your lips. 

‘Why don’t we give it a test flight then?’ 

You lifted your left hands high enough to slip the bunched up lace in his slacks’ pocket. While he was reaching for his surprise, you lifted yourself onto the kitchen island and leaned back on your palms, watching him expectantly. 

The moment his fingers touched the lace, you knew you had him. His eyes widened comically and you noted how his pupils dilated at the slow, but sure realisation exactly what he was touching. 

He pulled his hand out of his pocket, slowly turning the lace panties that matched your bra between his fingers. He paused for a second, taking the sight of them in, before putting them back in his pocket. 

You leaned forward on the counter, smiling innocently at your boyfriend in who’s eyes you could see an ocean of emotion that was spilling over the edges. You swung your legs back and forth and simply waited for him to make the next move. Which he soon enough did.

Bradley’s hand landed softly on your bare knees and climbed higher and higher, reaching underneath the hem of your dress to feel the smooth and soft skin underneath. The moment he reached the tops of your thighs, he felt his way around for any sign of a material obstructing his touch. And when he couldn’t find any, but could touch freely — which he did and caused a soft sigh to tumble past your lips — he grabbed you by the hips and pulled you closer to his body. 

You gasped audibly when your naked slit pressed tightly against his covered zipper, underneath of which his cock had begun to swell. You wanted him like this, in this position, no prep, no nothing. Your pussy was so wet and aching for him that you were certain that him sheathing himself within you would bring you to the brink. 

‘You know we’ve got guests coming soon.’ 

He was giving you a way out, but you couldn’t care less if they were right outside your door.

‘Not for another half-hour we don’t.’ You raised a single eyebrow. ‘Think you can finish by then?’

Bradley took your face in his hands, leaned down, and pressed his lips against yours. His kiss was hard and demanding. His tongue invaded your mouth without a second of deliberation. 

His hands ran over your curves, pulling you closer and melding your chests together. He lifted your skirt higher while you reached for the fly of his slacks. Your fingers trembled in anticipation and it took you a second to pry two flaps open, nearly tearing the button out of its place. 

‘Baby, can I fuck you without a condom,’ Bradley begged against the heat of your open mouth. ‘I wanna feel you, all of you.’

You moaned loudly. Your head dipped back and offered the expanse of your neck to his wanting mouth. His lips trailed wet, open kisses across your skin down to your collar bones. ‘Yes! Oh, yes, please!’

You reached inside the opening in Bradley’s slacks, freeing his cock from his confines. He groaned against your shoulder when your delicate hand wrapped around the base of his length and pressed it up against your soaking cunt. 

‘Oh, fuck, baby! You’re so fucking wet for me, beautiful.’ He sighed, tangling one hand in the hair and angling your head to his liking. 

His other hand slipped back underneath the skirt of the dress, his thumb pressed against your clit and applied pressure that was barely there to the little bundle of nerves that had you crying out. 

‘Is this why you did this? Wore this dress, took your little panties off and presented your hungry pussy to me for the taking. Huh, hoped I’d fuck you like this? Like the good little slut you are?’

‘Yes, Daddy.’

‘Fuck!’

Your hand on his cock guided him in, your walls opening and sucking him in. Bradley bottomed out without wasting another second and stilled; he dropped his forehead against yours and held you like that.

‘Bradley,’ you whimpered and tried rolling your hips into his own. ‘Please, move, Daddy. I need— need you so much. Please.’

‘Give me a sec,’ he murmured in response. ‘I need to last long enough, baby. Can’t give my good girl everything she needs if I shoot my load too soon. And I wanna reward you, show you how much I liked your little surprise.’

‘You like it?’

‘Yeah, beautiful. If this is my Christmas present, I can tell you…’ Bradley thrust into your heat once, deep and slow, and made you see stars, ‘…it is a very good present.’

‘It- It’s no— ah! not your only pre-present,’ you sobbed while his thrusts picked up in pace and force. 

He began to fuck into you, your barely covered ass sliding against the marble counter, but Bradley’s large hands kept a firm grip on your hips as he half-guided your body towards his own. Your breaths caught in your throat, eyes rolled back to the back of your head. With shaky hands you gripped his shoulders while your legs fell wide open on their own accordance to allow him more room. 

‘My beautiful, beautiful woman. My fucking girl. Mine!’ Bradley growled against the side of your neck, mere inches from your ear. 

You keened at the possessiveness and pulled him closer, clawing at the collar of his shirt. If the material wrinkled, you couldn’t care less. You’d strip it off of him yourself and iron it later, or even better — let him wear his wrinkled shirt to dinner and let all your guests know what transpired between the two of you. Right there on the kitchen island. A foot or so away from the chocolate mousse, you’d be serving them for dessert. 

Bradley nudged the collar of your dress to the side, baring your shoulder to his hungry mouth, and sucked on your skin like he was trying to consume you. His hips snapped harder against yours with every whimper, every wail of exaltation. His hands wondered around your body, touching anything covered or bare so he could, everything within his grasp. 

You felt desired, worshiped, adored. Bradley’s hips rolled against yours, his cock slipping in and out of your soaked cunt with what could only be oxymoronically be described as tender force. Those lustful feelings that had spurred your impromptu seduction melted into a very poignant sensation which softened your touch against his own body. 

Everything seemed to take on a fuzzy, pink hue. 

You smoothed Bradley’s hair back, kissing his face tenderly and sighing against his flushed skin. His own breaths rang like bells against your ear and before you even thought to ask him to kiss you, his lips were joining with yours.

‘I love you, I love you so much,’ he groaned, almost desperately. ‘I love you.’

You gasped into his open mouth and he swallowed your rushed breath, peppering your lips with his kisses.

‘I know, I know. I love you, Bradley.’

‘Please, come on my cock, baby. You know how much I love it,’ thrust ‘know how much I love when you squeeze me, fucking drench me’ thrust ‘oh, baby, you feel so fucking good!’

Your legs wrapped around his waist and pulled him even closer.

‘Come in me, Bradley. Give it to me, fill me up. Please, please, ple— AH!’ 

Your wail of pleasure and surprise came at the exact moment Bradley’s cock made one final plunge in your depths. The sensation threw you over the edge and you came shuddering, clutching Bradley against you. You felt him twitch inside you, shoot his hot seed into your quivering cunt and come to a halt. 

Full. You felt full and satiated. Like a cat that had a bowl-full of cream and was lounging in a sun spot. 

Bradley stayed buried inside you longer than he usually did. You caressed his face, his neck, loathe to let him go. This felt too good and too special to end so soon. 

‘Marry me.’

You pulled your face back and looked up at him. Your eyes were wide and mouth agape. All thoughts save but one left your mind with your breath which had stilled in your throat. Your hands came up to hold his face and Bradley’s own rose to cover yours. There was a flicker of uncertainty in his gaze when he licked his lips to speak again.

‘Marry me.’

You blinked dumbly. ‘What?’

Bradley bit his lip and you wanted to kick yourself for how uncoordinated you’d become in the wake of his proposal. 

‘This was going to be half of my Christmas present for you. I- I thought… never mind.’

He began to pull away, his softening cock slipping out of you. You gripped his jaw a little tighter and made him stop, staring deeply into his eyes. He couldn’t think you were rejecting him, could he?

Oh, you silly, silly man!

‘Ask me.’ You said firmly. 

Bradley’s features twisted in hesitation before he licked his lips to say once more, ‘Marry me.’

You gasped, bottom lip trembling and eyes filling with tears. ‘Yes. Yes, yes, yes!’

‘Yes?’ He repeated, astonished. 

‘Yes!’ You exclaimed. ‘God, Bradley, yes! I will marry you, I will be your wife!’

Bradley grinned broadly, holding your face in his hands and watching you as if you’d made him the happiest he’d ever been. You sincerely hoped you had, because he’d made you the happiest you had ever been. 

And all with but a single request. 

‘I- I have an actual present, too.’

‘I couldn’t care less about that.’

‘But it’s really nice,’ Bradley assured you. ‘It can double as an engagement present as well. But if you want a separate one, I’ll get it. I’ll give you everything, Blossom. I love you.’

‘I love you, Bradley.’ You sobbed. Tears of joy dropped onto your cheeks as you pulled him back in to pepper his face with kisses, making Bradley chuckle.

‘You really had me there for a second. Thought you were going to reject me.’

You shook your head. ‘Could never. I love you and I want to marry you, have wanted it for such a long time. I just never thought it’d happen right after you fucked me on the kitchen island.’

Bradley laughed and pressed his forehead to yours as the two of your stopped your furious kissing to catch your breath. ‘I had a much more romantic proposal in mind. At the dinner table with our friends, but the post nut clarity—’

‘Thank god, for post nut clarity!’ 

Bradley kissed you again and seemed to savour the kiss with an unquenchable thirst. He then looked at you again, nothing but joy in his eyes. He held up a finger for you to hold for a moment, pulled free of you with a grunt, tucked his now placid cock in his slacks and told you to wait for him there.

‘Can I have my panties?’ You asked as he made his way out of the kitchen.

He smirked. ‘Oh, no. These are staying with me tonight, baby.’

You patiently sat on the kitchen island, your thighs clenched together to keep Bradley’s seed inside. You felt high, higher than anything could ever get you. You kept thinking over the whole proposal, delving deeper and deeper into that pool of absolute, unadulterated joy you felt. 

He wants to marry you. 

Bradley will be your husband, you will be his wife. 

Not more than five minutes later, he was back in the kitchen and jogged over to you. In his hand he had a small blue box that he swiftly unlidded to reveal two beautiful rings nestled inside. Both were very simple, without many embellishments, but to you they were as grand as diamonds and rubies. 

‘They belonged to my mom and dad. Maverick gave them to me the day you got the job. I would’ve proposed then, but knew it was too early and I wanted my proposal to you to be special. If you don’t like them, we can go and get newer ones—’

You kissed him to stop his worried rambling, holding his face in your hands and smoothing your thumbs over his reddened cheeks. You then gazed down lovingly at the two golden bands before taking the larger one and holding it in your hand whilst giving your now fiancé an expectant look. 

‘I love them. Don’t think about changing them, they mean a lot to you and so they do to me.’

Bradley nodded and took the smaller ring from the box, reaching for your left hand and slipping it onto the appropriate finger. You waited for him to feel the power of this moment before you gently clasped his own left hand and slipped the other ring on. 

You looked up at Bradley and he looked down at you, both of you entirely lost in your shared joy. He leaned down to kiss your lips for what was probably the hundredth time that evening, but did it truly matter — you were happy beyond all explanation. 

Just then the doorbell rang, singling the arrival of your guests.

Bradley hastily fixed the collar of his shirt which, surprisingly, didn’t look as rumpled as you thought it’d be. He then helped you off of the kitchen island, telling you to go greet whoever was at the door while he finished setting up the table. 

You couldn’t leave his side before stealing another kiss, and then another, and another. But the insistent ringing of the bell had you running off to get the door. 

‘Hey, Blossom!’ Hangman greeted you cheerfully, his hand clasped around the neck of a red wine bottle. 

Coyote was standing right over his shoulder and followed him into the hallway. He gave you a brief hug before moving out of the way for Payback and Fanboy to walk in as well. It was, perhaps, the first time you’d seen any of them in anything other than uniforms or casual clothing — the four of them wearing suits, but still keeping with their casual nature by wearing trainers. Apart from Hangman, of course, he was always making sure he looked as if he’d jumped out of a GQ magazine spread.

It was a succession of hugs, exchanges of Merry Christmas’s and polite compliments on your outfit which made you look away sheepishly, knowing just how downright inappropriate the intention behind your dress (and lack of underwear) had been. 

‘Damn, this place looks nice!’ Coyote exclaimed when you showed the guys the way to the dining room. ‘Where’s Bradley?’

‘Over here, man.’

Bradley came out of the kitchen, carrying the board of cheeses and cured meats you’d fixed up earlier. You smiled when you caught the soft twinkling of the ring on his finger. The guys exchanged quick festive greetings with him and began chatting as if there’d been no time between seeing each other last and now. 

Payback turned to you for a moment. ‘Don’t wanna be a bother, but wanted to ask—’

‘Don’t worry, Bradley and I made sure to make all foods halal and kosher. Sarah’s coming too, so we were extra careful with the ingredients.’

‘Aw, thanks, bud!’

‘Don’t mention it! We’re glad you all agreed to spend Christmas Eve with us. It feels really nice to fill the house with people,’ you gushed. 

‘I bet!’ Fanboy joined the conversation, standing on Payback’s side. ‘Still can’t believe your guys’ luck! The house looks amazing!’

The doorbell rang again. 

‘Bradley? Baby, mind pouring the guys some drinks, I’ll go see who’s at the door.’

‘It’s probably Mav. He texted that he, Penny, Sarah, and Amelia were a close.’ 

True to his word, once you opened your door you were greeted by the four of of them, arms full with present bags and boxes. Amelia was first to rush forward and bundle you in a bear hug, followed by a much calmer Penny who kissed your cheeks and praised the wreath on the front door.

‘Thank you! Bradley and I made it,’ you said proudly. But once you lifted your hand to push your hair out of your forehead, Penny seemed to catch sight of the ring on your left hand and let out a gasp. Then came Sarah who gently took your hand so the two women could examine the delicate band on your ring finger.

‘Oh, sweetie! Is this…?’

You grinned. ‘As of ten minutes, yes. The other guys haven’t noticed yet.’

Amelia was ecstatic and ran off to find the group of aviators and rub in their noses their inability to notice this very important fact. You laughed when you heard the boom of cheers coming from the kitchen, bringing your attention back to Penny, Sarah and Mav who gave you their congratulations. 

‘What are we celebrating?’ Came Frankie’s voice from the open doorway. She, in her usual fashion, was dressed to the nines in a sparkling green dress which meticulously hugged her curves and matched her glittery eyeshadow. Halo and Bob came in after her, both of them dressed very sharply, but anyone would pale after Frankie’s dazzling entrance. 

‘Phoenix is in the car with the puppy. Want us to bring him in now?’ Frankie whispered to you once you’d directed the others to the kitchen. 

Just then Phoenix herself appeared at the doorstep and in her hands was a little black fur ball with a large red bow wrapped loosely around its neck. 

You couldn’t contain the aw that escaped your lips once you finally saw the puppy you’d chosen as Bradley’s present. The cane corso started to wagging his tail, sniffing the air about you and trying to get out of Phoenix’s arms. She handed him to you and the little guy couldn’t sit still until he could lift himself high enough to lick at your chin.

‘Oh, you are just precious!’ 

‘We’ve got his documents from the shelter,’ Phoenix explained and lifted the small bag that was handing from her elbow. ‘We brought his food, he’ll be good for the next month at least. Frankie overspent on that and treats.’

‘It’s ‘cause he gave me these eyes. Oh, babes, he gives you those eyes and you can’t not give him a treat!’

You chuckled, smoothing the puppy’s sleek black coat back which meant that your two best friends were the next to learn of the recent developments, both gasping audibly when they saw the ring on your finger. 

‘Okay, come in now both of you, we should go take this little man to Daddy.’ You said after another series of squeals, screeches, shouted congratulations, and more face licking from the puppy in your arms.

Frankie gave you her typical lopsided smirk. ‘Is that how you got him to propose? Called him Daddy?’

You jokingly slapped her ass when she walked in front of you. ‘Shush you!’

‘Oh, Daddy! Give me a ring, I’ll be a good girl!’ She gave an exaggerated moan and a sigh, throwing a hand over her forehead and leaning against the living room doorframe in an overdramatic fashion. ‘Okay, okay, let’s go take the little guy to Bradley!’

The three of you, grinning from ear to ear in anticipation, hurried off to the dining room, greeted by the sight of all the guests either sitting at the table and enjoying an aperitif. Bradley was standing near the door to the kitchen, talking to Bob and Maverick, when he caught sight of you and your eyes widened at the contents of your arms. 

‘Oh my god!’

‘Merry Christmas, baby!’

‘Oh my god! Is that for us?’ 

Bradley crossed the distance between the two of you and reached out for the puppy that was now more interested in this new human that in you. Bradley picked him up and hugged him to his chest. Everyone around the room gushed over the adorable puppy.

‘It’s for you mostly,’ you explained to him. ‘Frankie and Phoenix put in me in touch with a shelter in San Fransisco after I said I was looking for a puppy. Apparently, someone found this little guy tossed out on the street as a newborn.’

‘Yeah, some dickhead,’ Frankie supplied.

‘Aw, buddy,’ Bradley gushed, screeching the puppy behind the ears which the he seemed to adore. ‘Guys, I need a cool name.’

‘Thor.’

‘No, Zeus.’

‘I think Cerberus is a badass name for… what is he, a doberman?’

‘Cane corso,’ you explained, already thinking over the name Cerberus. 

It was a fitting name for a dog like this, would be in complete contrast to how sweet he was, but in the end the decision was all Bradley’s. 

‘Well, Cerberus is a badass name,’ Bradley agreed and groaned when the little guy licked his cheeks. ‘Oh, we’re gonna be best fucking friends, buddy.’

You patted him on the shoulder. ‘Alright, let’s sit down and eat, because I don’t want our efforts to go to waste.’

Payback barked out a laugh and pointed at the turkey. ‘No way, we’re leaving this place before obliterating this.’

‘Wait, is this a Christmas and an engagement dinner then?’ Phoenix asked when she took up the chair next to yours.

You shared a brief look with Bradley who simply smiled and gave you a shrug. ‘I guess it is.’

Maverick grabbed his wine glass and lifted it proudly in the air. ‘To Bradley and Blossom then.’

Everyone followed suit with the toast before taking a long sip to your health and happiness. Bradley, still holding little Cerberus in his arms, leaned down to give you a quick kiss on the lips. You placed your hand on his cheek and looked into his eyes, finding that serenity you felt reflected back to you.

‘Merry Christmas, baby.’ Bradley whispered to you as he raised his lips to your forehead, leaving a delicate peck upon your warm skin.  

‘Merry Christmas to you, too.’ Your mouth twitched in a smile. ‘Fiancé.’

Bradley sighed contentedly. ‘I’m really starting to enjoy the sound of that. Be even better when I’m promoted to husband.’

‘Keep being your usual self and I’ll promote you sooner rather than later,’ you promised him.

‘I’ll hold you to that.’

You giggled and leaned back in your chair, taking the offered bowl of salad that Phoenix held. You spared a quick glance in Bradley’s direction still in disbelief that someone could make you so happy.

But there he was, you wonderful man, your fiancé with a puppy in his arms and an engagement ring on his left hand that promised you happiness and love.

What a perfect Christmas…

Happy holidays to you all! Sorry I couldn't post this earlier, I'd planned to make it into two parts, but I was sick then something not very nice happened to me at work so that's why it was delayed. Hope you're all having fun today, however you're spending it (if you're not celebrating Christmas)! 🌸

(taglist is still open, click here and fill out this Google Form)

home to you tags: @gretagerwigsmuse @jupitercomet @youlightmeupfinn @craftymoonchaos @the-winter-marvel33 @agent-jbarnes @blahehblah @katieshook02 @amysteryspot @daisyhollyxox @marantha @piceous21 @mak-32 @twoosinrooster @adoringsebstan @everyoneslovechild @shityoudidntaskfor @alluringshawn @marsontoast @lemur46 @taytaylala12 @benhardysdrumstick @strangeangelflapsuitcase @eugene-emt-roe @shanimallina87 @beachesandboats @ishipit1420 @machsachds @wishfulhope (crossed over names are people I wasn't able to tag, sorry)

[whentommymetalfie]

Home to you -chapter 42

-Endings-

Prologue//1//2//3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/13/14/15/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23/24/25/26/27/28/29/30/31/32/33/34/35/36/37/38/39/40/41

Pairing: Tommy/Alfie

Summary: In the aftermath of Polly's visit, Alfie and Tommy make a decision.

Warnings: mental instability, hallucinations, suicidal ideation, past attempted suicide

Wordcount: 5,7 K

”Let him go, Tommy, let him cool off!”

Arthur grabs him from behind, tries to hold him back, keep him from going after Alfie. Tommy fights him, squirms and tugs at the arms. But Arthur is stronger, always been, even before Tommy became all skin and bone he’d struggle; now it’s like trying to push past a solid wall, nothing he does helps, and a desperate whine tear from his throat. 

“Tommy, Tommy, shh, calm down, he just needs to walk it off. Give him some space.” Arthur holds him by shoulders, wraps one of his long arms across his chest in a vice like grip and Tommy doesn’t like being touched like this, Arthur’s hurting him and he won’t- won’t listen

“Alfie!” he calls, but Alfie doesn’t come, because Alfie needs him this time, and he has to make Arthur understand. 

“I have to- let me go,” he begs and wriggles to get out of Arthur’s grip. 

“He’s not right in the head, at least not right now. He might- he could hurt you,” Arthur pleads, holding him tighter until he can barely breathe. Tommy hunches over and bites his arm. With a shout, Arthur releases him and he bolts, runs through the hallway and the corridor leading to the kitchen, but there, Arthur catches up and grabs his wrist. 

“No!” Tommy screams, a shrill and desperate cry that makes Arthur release his arm as if he’s burnt himself, and the sound shocks him into stillness for a moment. He stumbles backwards, catches himself against the table, Arthur blocks the way forward, stands there still with his hands outstretched. 

“Tommy, please listen to me-“

“No, no, Alfie- Alfie needs me,” he says, and it still feels strange, as if it’s not his own voice, not him talking. He looks over Arthur’s shoulder, towards the living room and the open glass doors. 

“Then I’m coming with you. I’m not letting you run off into the dark alone. Not again. Not to find someone who might potentially lose it.”

“Alfie would never hurt me.” 

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do,” Tommy says and stares straight into Arthur’s eyes. Arthur grits his teeth. Stares back. But then he sighs

“Fine. If you say so.” He lowers his hands, lets them hang along his sides, and Tommy takes the chance and runs. This time, Arthur doesn’t try to grab him. He calls Alfie’s name again, feels tears burning in his eyes, without Alfie here it feels like the ground has dropped beneath his feet. Through the living room and the open doors, he runs into the darkness, doesn’t even realize until he’s halfway across the lawn that it scares him, makes it feel as though his feet are sinking into the shadows, but it doesn’t matter, he needs to find Alfie.

When he reaches the outer edges of the garden and the low stone wall he first sees a foot, an outstretched leg and then all of him. Alfie is sat leaned against the wall, chest heaving in slow, breaths, jaw clenched. His gaze flickers briefly to Tommy. 

“Just need- need a second, love,” he says, voice thick, closes his eyes and presses the heels of his hands into them, gritting his teeth. For a second, Tommy hesitates. He does what Alfie tells him, always does, Alfie knows best, and perhaps he should leave him alone. But then Alfie’s shoulders quake with a strangled sob, and it’s all it takes for him to make up his mind. He sits down by his side and wraps his arm around his shoulders. Alfie leans into the touch, hugs him tightly and pulls him closer and up onto his lap, holds him so tightly that it squeezes the air from his lungs. But that doesn’t matter, because for once he knows he’s doing the right thing, that he’s helping. Alfie buries his face in the crook of his neck as he cries. 

It's frightening, hearing Alfie cry, he’s never cried before. And he holds onto Tommy like a man drowning. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers between sobs, and what is he sorry for? Aunt Polly, maybe, but Tommy could never hold that against him. Alfie wanted to protect him. And when it truly mattered, he listened. Tommy runs his fingers through Alfie’s hair, relaxing into the embrace. Doesn’t have the right words to say, but it feels like it’s enough to just be there. Let Alfie hold onto him.  

Eventually the sobs ebb out. By then, his shirt front is wet with tears. Alfie pulls out of the hug slightly, and Tommy hesitates for a moment before wiping the tears away with his thumb and leaning into kiss his temple. Alfie rests his head against the wall and closes his eyes, breathing slowly now. But he still holds tightly onto Tommy, so he stays on his lap and lays his head on his shoulder. The night air is cold, but Alfie is warm, and the sky is full of stars. He hadn’t noticed before. 

Alfie wipes a hand over his face and looks towards the sky. 

“Remember- no, you probably don’t, but back home, we sat an entire night out on the steps because you couldn’t sleep. Liked to sit out there, didn’t you, watching the stars.” 

“I remember,” he whispers, teeth clattering together. Alfie looks at him, and smiles slightly. 

“Become right the chatterbox, haven’t you? Been quiet for so long now that I reckon you’ve got plenty of things to say.” 

At that, Tommy huffs, because at least with Alfie he understands when it’s one of his jokes. Alfie smiles wider. Alfie’s smile is like the sun. He rubs Tommy’s back. 

“Fuck, you’re freezing. Barefoot and all. And in just your nightshirt. Who gave you permission to walk around like that, hm?” 

Tommy looks pointedly at Alfie’s feet, which also are bare.

“Yeah, but I’ve got a layer of protection, see,” Alfie says and pats his belly. “Go on, let’s get inside. I’d carry you, but I think both my fucking legs are asleep by now.” 

Tommy gets up and offers a hand to Alfie, who takes it, but uses the wall for support to get up. He pulls Tommy against his side and they walk back towards the house together.  

“Fuck, something’s happened. I just know it. If he’s not back in one fucking minute, I’m going out looking.” 

Arthur is pacing the kitchen, where apparently half the household has gathered: a bleary-eyed Finn is sat by the table, Esther is making tea, looking as alert as if she’d been awake for hours and Lizzie is stood before Arthur with her arms crossed and a tense expression on her face. 

“That won’t be necessary,” Alfie says and Tommy huddles closer to him as several pairs of eyes focus on him. “Got him right here, safe and sound.” 

Arthur’s entire body seems to sag with relief. 

“You okay, Tommy?” Lizzie asks. “I heard what she- what happened. With Polly.” 

“Can’t fucking believe she’d do that,” Finn mutters. 

“Well, she’s clearly lost it,” Arthur says. “Raving about bloody voices and-“ he cuts himself off. Clears his throat. “Ada’s getting her home, at least.” 

“Do you want a cup of tea, mr. Solomons?” Esther asks and pours a cup for Finn at the table. “What about you, Tommy dear? Something to warm you up a little.” 

Feeling utterly lost for a moment, Tommy looks to Alfie for answers. Alfie gives him a look back, raises his brow in question. He squeezes his arm twice. 

“No, thank you, Esther, but I think we’ll just head off to bed,” Alfie says. “Been a bit of an ordeal, this.” 

“I heard that you’re talking again, Tommy?” Lizzie asks, and he nods. She smiles crookedly. “But not right now?” 

“He’s just tired,” Alfie says and rubs his back. “We’ll talk more in the morning, alright?” 

They get a chorus of goodnights in response, and Alfie takes him upstairs, to the bathroom where he helps him wash the grass off his feet with hot water. Helps get them warmer, too. Tommy sits on the stool next to the tub afterwards, eyes only half open as Alfie steps into the tub and does the same to his own feet. He rubs his eyes. They sting with weariness now when all the adrenaline is gone. Alfie smiles. 

“Let’s get to bed, hm, love?” 

Guided by Alfie, Tommy drops his damp shirt and underwear somewhere along the way to the bed and virtually collapses in a heap onto the mattress. Soon he’s tucked underneath all the blankets with Alfie wrapped around him in a protective hug, an arm around his back and a hand buried in his hair. 

“So, sweetheart, I’ve been thinking,” Alfie says, voice soft. “And, this is a mere suggestion, but I think it’s about time we went back home. Because between this fucking ordeal, your brother walking in on us this morning, and the all around chaos- Well, let’s just say, as much as I’ve come to fucking tolerate your family, I think I’ve just about had it with them for now. And I do think you’d benefit from some peace and quiet. So, what do you say?” 

Home. 

The word makes his heart flutter with something strange and foreign that he barely recognizes at first, but it elicits a strange sound between a laugh and a sob and he nods into Alfie’s chest. 

“Yeah? You want to go home?” 

“Yes,” he whispers and Alfie squeezes him tightly. Tommy lifts his head to look up at him through the darkness. “Tomorrow?” 

“Tomorrow evening,” Alfie says. Takes his chin in his hand and runs his thumb along his jaw. “Ishmael’s got the car in Birmingham. And knowing Esther, I think she’d like to have a few hours to get the house in order. But yeah, tomorrow. Though considering how many times I’ve failed to keep that fucking promise, I’m not saying anything until we’re in the bloody car.” 

Tommy lays his head back on Alfie’s chest and melts into his embrace as he begins stroking his back. 

“It’s not true, what she said, your aunt,” Alfie whispers suddenly. “Alright? I need you to know that.” 

“I’m tired,” Tommy says and closes his eyes to indicate he doesn’t want to broach that subject. If it were up to him, he’d wake up tomorrow and find that it’s all faded from his memory like a bad dream, the way Polly looked at him. Said things that so well mimicked what the voices always tell him, to the point she might as well have been one of them. He just wants to forget all of it. But it’s a naïve thought, of course. It’s carved into the deepest crevices of his mind. 

Alfie kisses the top of his head. 

“We’ll talk more tomorrow. Want me to read you something?” he asks, yawning, and Tommy tries to manage a reply. But before he’s figured out how to make one, he’s fallen into an exhausted sleep. And for once, it’s one without dreams. 

…

When he wakes up, he’s dazed and utterly lost, feeling disconnected from his own body. Thankfully it’s Alfie’s footsteps coming across the floor that wakes him, so he’s not alone. Tommy blinks and sees that his mouth is moving, but it takes a while before he can make sense of the words. Talking about the travel arrangements, Alfie is. At least he thinks so. Esther’s already left; insisted she wanted at least a few hours with the house to herself, to get things in order, wouldn’t take no for an answer, and so had taken the first available train. He’s been asleep for a long time. Past lunchtime. Alfie tells him all of this as he sets down a tray with his breakfast on the nightstand and Tommy’s a bit too dazed to quite make sense of all the logistics, but clings to the important bit: Ishmael will have the car ready no later than four this afternoon and then they can go home. 

After helping him into a clean flannel shirt, Alfie sits with him on the bed as Tommy does his best to eat his porridge, Alfie’s arm around his shoulders, his hand coming up ever so often to pet his hair. Once he’s eaten all he can manage, Tommy lays his head on his shoulder and closes his eyes. It’s so heavy, his head. As if the memories of last night have added physical weight to it. Each of Polly’s words, a ton each…

He's on the verge of nodding off again when there’s a knock on the door, and he opens his eyes to find his older brother stood on the threshold. 

“Heard you were going home today,” Arthur says. “So I figured- I just- could I have a word with you, Tom? Alone.” He gives Alfie a look. Alfie glares back, but when Tommy gently squeezes his arm, he presses a quick kiss onto his forehead and climbs off the bed, taking the tray along with him on his way to the door. Arthur steps aside to let him pass, but the two exchange yet another frosty look before Alfie closes the door behind him. 

Shoulders tense, Arthur slowly approaches the bed, hesitates for a second, and then sits down on the edge, somewhere around the middle. Close, but not too close. Tommy finds himself with his knees drawn to his chest, back against the headboard. He waits for Arthur to say something. The silence in the room grows thicker with every second until Arthur finally sighs. 

“I should’ve gone after you,” he says and stares at the floor. “That night. I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for not doing that.” 

Tommy digs his nails into his palms. Icy dread fills him as the memories begin flicking before his eyes, even as he tries to push them to the back of his mind where they belong. 

“And I’m not asking you to forgive me. But I want you to know that I’m sorry, for all of it,” Arthur goes on. “I’m sorry that I didn’t come and see you, when you were just- afterwards. At Arrow House. Don’t have any explanations, other than I was just a fucking coward. Couldn’t face that what I did- that I didn’t see, didn’t want to fucking see. That I didn’t do something. And I’m sorry that I’ve done such a shitty job at taking care of you since you came back. Can’t seem to fucking get it right. And sorry that I’ve never been there when you needed me That I’ve been such a shitty big brother.”

Arthur stops talking. He’s kept his gaze at the floor until then, hands alternating between gripping his knees and laying clenched on his lap, but now he glances up at Tommy. Who doesn’t know what to say. He should say that it’s okay, he doesn’t deserve Arthur’s apologies, anyone’s apologies. 

But it’s true. Arthur let him go, left him alone when he needed him, didn’t come to find him- No one came

seconds that melted into endless minutes hours and days all at once as he lay there in the mud, bits of his brain leaking out into the soil, blood seeping in hot trails down his face until it too was swallowed by the earth, the pain pulling him under for only brief, blissful moments of nothing. 

All night, he knows now, all night he lay there and no one came

“Why should they have gone looking for you?” Grace whispers. “You know they were happy to be rid of you.” 

“It’s okay,” he says finally and Arthur slams his palm against the mattress with a deft sound that causes him to flinch. 

“It’s not, Tommy!” he says. “Fucks sake, you’ve got to have some self-respect left!” 

Arthur’s raised voice makes his heart race. Brings up memories of cowering against the wall as Arthur shouts at him, Tommy, snap out of it, of Arthur hitting him. Is always too rough whenever he grabs him, as if there’s hidden anger behind every touch and Tommy pushes himself against the headboard of the bed as if he could put himself out of reach as Arthur’s voice rises to a shout, “You could’ve died! Because I let you go in the first place, and because it’s a wonder you survived laying in that cold fucking field all night with a bloody hole in your head. Don’t ever fucking say that any of that was okay!”  

“Don’t shout at me,” Tommy pleads, barely managing more than a whisper, but Arthur snaps his mouth shut around his last word. 

“Sorry, fuck, you see?” he says, then. “I’m- I don’t mean to do that. Just keeps happening and I don’t know how to… bearound you.” He reaches for him and Tommy can’t stop himself from flinching, despite the desperate glow in Arthur’s eyes as he drops the hand to his lap. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, again. “And I get that you might not know- You don’t have to say anything about it, is what I mean. But none of it was fucking okay. And I should’ve said I was sorry a long time ago.”  

Arthur clears his throat and gets off the bed. 

“Well, I’ll let you… Yeah. I just needed you to know that,” he says without looking at him, and quickly makes his way to the door, closing it softly as he leaves the room. 

…

Tommy needs to say goodbye to Ruby and Charlie before they leave. He owes them as much, he knows, no one needs to tell him, but when Lizzie brings the matter to him, as he sits with Alfie in the kitchen waiting for the hours to pass and their car to arrive, the feeling is nothing short of sheer panic. 

“I’ve already talked to them, several times, they won’t ask too many questions,” Lizzie promises him, evidently seeing right through him. “They just want to say a quick goodbye. Finn promised to take them to the stables afterwards, so they’re already preoccupied by that idea.” 

Tommy nods, but he doesn’t know how he’s going to do this without completely falling apart. Alfie rubs his back. 

“You’re not letting them down, treacle,” he says as Lizzie disappears to fetch the kids. “It’s for the best, alright? We’ve been over this. For now, you’ve got to focus on just fucking recovering from all this.” 

Grace cocks her head ever so slightly, stood by the kitchen counter. “You know you’d only hurt them by staying. You’ve got nothing to offer anyone. You can’t take care of them. You can’t even take care of yourself.” 

“Stop,” Tommy whispers, it just slips out, even though he’s not supposed to talk to them. Alfie furrows his brow but as he opens his mouth, Charlie trots into the kitchen with Cyril next to him and Ruby in tow, hanging onto Cyril by one of the many folds around his neck. Lizzie stays in the doorway, supervising with her arms crossed over her chest, leaned against the doorframe. 

“Uncle Finn is taking us to the stables!” Charlie announces happily as he comes over to where Tommy’s sitting, virtually bouncing up and down before the chair. 

“That’s good,” Tommy manages.

“Yes, because there’s always lots to do in the stables, so it’s good that we can help,” Charlie says and Tommy nods in agreement. Both kids look expectantly at him but he doesn’t know what to say. How to say it. His insides are already in knots and now his throat closes up as it so often does when he can’t find the right words. Any words at all. He doesn’t even have to look to Alfie for help before he speaks up. 

“Your mum’s told you that your dad’s going away to rest, hasn’t she?” he says, and Charlie nods slowly, furrowing his brow. Ruby mirrors her brother’s expression. Tommy carefully slides off the chair onto his knees to get on Charlie’s eyelevel, and pets Cyril’s big head. The dog leans into the touch. 

“Mum says dad’s going to live with you,” Ruby says and squints up at Alfie. 

“Yeah, well, he needs someone to look after him, you see. Sometimes people need a bit of help if they’re going to get better, right, when they’re not doing well.” 

Charlie nods slowly, biting the nail on his right thumb.  

“Do you live in a pirate ship?” Ruby asks. 

Alfie chuckles. “Now that’d be something, wouldn’t it? No, just a regular old house. But it’s by the sea.” 

“Mummy says you have to go, or you could get really, really sick again and just lie in bed. Like before,” Charlie says and looks at Tommy with big eyes, still with the tip of his thumb in his mouth. “Do you promise you’ll get better, if you go?” 

Tommy bites the inside of his cheek and tries to swallow the lump in his throat. Clenches his hands into fists until his nails cut into his skin. Keep it fucking together. Just another minute. He can’t fall apart like this, doesn’t want to scare them. And he tries to drown out the voices telling him he’s already done enough damage. 

“I promise,” he says, and hopes his voice sounds steadier than it feels, he can’t tell, but Charlie’s brow smooths out so it couldn’t have been that bad. Alfie hunches over on his chair, elbows resting on his knees as he looks at Charlie. 

“And I tell you what, seeing as it’s not a pirate ship, there’s a phone in the house. And you can call, whenever you want.” Charlie’s entire face lights up. 

“Can we visit too?” he asks, and Tommy’s just about to say yes when Lizzie beats him to it. 

“When daddy’s feeling better,” she says. There’s a slight crease between her eyebrows that Tommy doesn’t understand, but he nods in agreement when Charlie looks to him for confirmation. 

“And you’ll come see our new house?” he asks, and Tommy nods again. Attempts to smile but isn’t sure if he succeeds. 

“Of course,” he says.  

Ruby’s brow is still furrowed. She releases Cyril’s fur and tugs at Alfie’s pant leg. 

“Will you make sure the bad people don’t hurt daddy ever again?” 

“I will,” Alfie answers solemnly, giving Ruby his full attention. She puts on an even more serious look, that Alfie mimics. 

“Do you promise?” 

“I promise.” 

Satisfied, Ruby nods and goes back to holding onto Cyril who patiently stays in place, panting ever so slightly. Charlie is looking thoughtfully at Tommy and he forces himself to meet his gaze, where in that moment, something old and almost ancient seems to glint under the surface. Tommy desperately wishes he could wipe that look away. Wishes he could’ve done a single thing right where his kids are concerned. Given Charlie and Ruby all those things he never had, growing up. It’s all he’s ever wanted. Instead, he’s only tried and failed to do right by them. At least now, he won’t be able to do more damage. Perhaps that’s the best thing he can offer. 

“Think you’re ready to go to the stables now?” Lizzie asks from the doorway. “Bet Snowball is really looking forward to seeing you.” 

Ruby squeals with joy as if she’d completely forgotten and this was a great surprise. She throws her arms around Tommy in a tight hug, chirps a quick ‘bye daddy’ and runs off towards the hallway and the front door.

Charlie hugs him next, for a long time.

“Are you sure there’s a phone?” he asks into Tommy’s chest. Tommy rubs his back. 

“I’m absolutely sure,” he says and smiles when Charlie pulls away to look at him. And thinks he manages this time, because Charlie also smiles, and whatever was in his eyes has gone again. Tommy ruffles his hair. “Go say hi to the horses from me.” 

After another hug, and a wave in Alfie’s direction, Charlie sets off with Cyril in tow, and Tommy barely has time to get up on unsteady feet before Finn comes into the kitchen and pulls him into a tight hug without a word. 

Tommy’s still amazed at how tall he’s gotten, surprised each time his nose ends up somewhere around his chest.  

“Keep in touch, will you?” Finn says, voice thick. “Don’t even have to talk if you don’t want to just… let me know you’re okay. Have Alfie call.” 

“Yeah,” Tommy says, and he still has to remind himself to continue talking, if he stops it’ll be hard to start again. He’ll forget how to. Finn squeezes him one last time and pulls out of the hug. Alfie comes up to him and holds out a hand. 

“Take care of yourself, alright,” he says as they shake hands. “Right? Got to even out the ratio of Shelbys in full control of their faculties. Ada and Lizzie are gonna need you to help keep that brother of yours in line.” 

Finn nods curtly. It’s strange, seeing him stone faced and serious. All grown up. “Look after my brother,” he says, and it’s Alfie’s turn to nod. Thankfully without any of his usual quips. 

“Uncle Finn!” Ruby’s voice comes from the hallway. “Charlie won’t let me sit in the front seat but it’s my turn, tell him!” 

“Better go keep the peace,” Finn says and smiles, the ice melting from his eyes as he clears his throat. “See you for dinner, Liz?”

Lizzie nods, and Finn leaves. Tommy feels Alfie’s hand on his arm and he allows himself to be led to a chair by the table where he sinks down, head spinning. 

When he looks down at his trembling hands, he finds them full of bloody crescent moons from his nails. 

…

He spends the rest of the day sat by the kitchen window waiting, eyes on the driveway. Alfie lets him. Just coaxes him into eating a little something and drinking a few cups of tea. At half past three, two cars finally pull up on the driveway. He doesn’t recognize which one is Alfie’s, but he recognizes Ishmael, who climbs out of the driver’s seat on the Mercedes. When Alfie goes to meet him, Tommy follows close behind, holding onto the back of his sleeve. They meet Ishmael in the hallway and him and Alfie exchange a few phrases in Hebrew. Ishmael hands over a set of keys to Alfie.  

“You haven’t changed your mind, Sir?” he asks. “About driving down by yourself?”  

“No, no, honestly getting to sit in peace and fucking quiet and drive for a few hours sounds like a dream right about now. Just get the luggage sorted,” Alfie says and nods towards the single suitcase on the floor.  

Lizzie appears in the hallway just as Ishmael’s climbed into the second car and the driver’s turned it around to disappear down the road.  

“I know Ada would like to see you before you go,” she says. “She said she’d be home in the afternoon. Think you could give her another hour?” 

Tommy finds himself looking to Alfie, who sighs and puts his coat back on the hanger. 

“Fine, fine, what’s another hour, hm?” he says. “We’ll put on another bloody kettle.” 

Half an hour later, Ada’s car comes driving down the gravel road towards the house, and Alfie herds Tommy out the front door the moment it stops on the driveway, hanging his coat over his shoulders as they go, despite the warm summer air. Appearing silently behind them, Lizzie follows them out onto the driveway. 

“You’re leaving?” Ada asks as she closes the car door and comes to meet them. 

“Yeah. Think it’s about time,” Alfie says. “Just figured we’d stay and say goodbye first.” 

“I’m glad you did,” she says, and adds, “I had to make sure Polly got home okay. We’ve left enough family members to fend for themselves lately. I’m not making that mistake again.” 

Alfie’s face darkens. Tommy steps closer to him, until their arms touch. For his own sake just as much as Alfie’s. 

“She’s grieving Michael,” Ada says. And he can tell she’s trying to catch his gaze but he can’t bear to look up from the gravel “It’s not- she’s not thinking straight. She didn’t mean any of that.” 

“Oh, sounded like she fucking meant it alright,” Alfie says. “And there are no, fucking no excuses for speaking to Tommy that way. Especially after all the damage her fucking son caused, right, which she in no way tried to stop, might I remind you. Don’t stand there defending her.”

“I’m not-“ 

“Well it sure as fuck seems like it.” Tommy hugs Alfie’s arm and he snaps his mouth shut around the words. He sighs. “Fine, fine, let’s just get the goodbyes over with. Before something else happens that delays this whole thing.” 

Closing the distance between them, Ada comes to give Tommy a hug, hesitantly as if she thinks he might bolt. But when he doesn’t pull away she holds him tighter. Tommy only then manages to return the hug. 

“Take care of yourself, Tom,” Ada whispers. Squeezes him one more time before breaking the hug and taking a step back, allowing Lizzie to take her place. 

Lizzie isn’t as hesitant. There’s a new ease to her movements as she embraces him, enveloping him in a cloud of her perfume. And she smiles at him. “Me and Charlie will give you a ring Saturday,” she says “And if you’re not up for talking I bet Alfie can do most of that.” 

“Of course. Happens to be one of my areas of expertise, that,” Alfie says. Him and Lizzie shake hands. 

“Well, I’d like to thank you for your hospitality and for putting up with us for so long,” he says and takes Ada’s hand. “Goes for both of you, of course.” 

“We’ll come and visit. When, if, you’re feeling up for it, Tommy,” Ada says. “And maybe one at a time. I’ve got it on good authority we can be a bit much.” 

Alfie steps back to wrap his arm around Tommy’s shoulders. He’s grateful to have the secure weight back there. 

“Speaking of being a bit much,” Alfie says and looks around. “Where’s big brother, then? Thought he’d want to show his face too.” 

They all look to Lizzie for answers, but she simply shrugs. Alfie grunts. “Right, but he’s made his choice, then. Let’s get going before we’re stuck here for another week.” 

Tommy allows Alfie to lead him to the passenger seat of the car and tries to not let it bother him that Arthur’s not here. It’s fine. Arthur struggles with goodbyes. It’s stupid to expect anything from him… 

Alfie opens the door for him and he climbs into the front seat. 

“Got a blanket here, love, if you get cold,” Alfie says and reaches over him to the back seat, putting the blanket on his lap. Runs his hand over his cheek in passing, before going around the car to the driver’s seat. Though he only has time to climb in and start adjusting the rearview mirror before the front door opens and Arthur appears between Lizzie and Ada on the steps.  

“Hold up!” Arthur calls. Alfie sighs audibly. Glances at him, and melts when Tommy gives him a pleading look. 

“Fine, go say goodbye to your brother.” 

Tommy climbs back out as Arthur strides across the gravel towards the car, only to stop a few paces away from him. Whatever he’d planned to say, he seems to have forgotten. And Tommy doesn’t know what to say either. They end up in a long stretch of silence. 

“Have a safe trip,” Arthur says, finally.

“Okay,” Tommy says. And feels stupid. 

Then they’re back to standing quietly across from each other. Arthur rubs the back of his neck. Allows his arms to hang by his sides. And after a deep breath, Tommy takes the few steps that separate them, wraps his arms around his older brother’s chest and hugs him. Arthur lets out a surprised noise. Freezes up briefly, before returning the hug, tucking Tommy’s head against his chest. 

When Tommy pulls out of the hug, Arthur audibly sniffles. Just once. 

“Go on, better go back to the car before Solomons glares a fucking hole through my forehead,” he says and ruffles his hair. With Arthur following behind, Tommy climbs back into the car. Arthur holds onto the door and hunches over to set his eyes on Alfie. 

“You take care of my brother, Solomons, you hear that? Or we’re gonna have an issue. Doesn’t matter if you’re all the way down in fucking Margate.” 

“Sure, sure, Arthur,” Alfie says. “Have no doubt that you’ll come barging when we least expect it.” 

“I’m serious. If I find out- if you as much as fucking think about hurting him I’ll-“

“Arthur, please,” Tommy says before his older brother can get any redder in the face. To his credit, Arthur does shut up. Clears his throat. 

“Right. Sorry. Just- check in every once in a while, hm? Give me some peace of mind.” 

“Of course,” Alfie says, with a completely solemn expression that makes Arthur wrinkle his brow in suspicion. But then, he nods and closes the door. Goes to stand on the front steps with Ada and Lizzie. 

Alfie turns to him, face soft again. He brushes away a lock of hair that’s fallen over his eyes. It’s gotten so long, the hair on top of his head. “What do you say, love? You ready to go home?” 

“Yeah.” 

Alfie starts the car. Tommy looks back only once as they drive down the gravel road. At Ada who waves. Lizzie who’s smiling ever so slightly. And Arthur who’s blinking frantically. Then he relaxes into his seat, turned to the side so that he can set his eyes on Alfie, and the way the sunlight catches in the silvery strands of his beard. 

Alfie shifts gears as he pulls out onto the road, and then reaches to lay a hand on his thigh. Tommy puts his own hand on top of. 

They’re finally on their way back to Margate. Home.  

[sheetsonfire]

Home To You | Part 1

Fandom: Chicago PD

Characters: Jay Halstead x Reader

Genre: Angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, romance

Warnings: mention of injuries

Word Count: 2489

Requested by jxbeizhe: The reader comes back from service with the army, she stayed longer than Greg and Jay, now deciding it was her time to come home. Since they saw each other last, Greg is now working in Intelligence with Jay, and Jay has been dating Erin. Jay doesn’t find out that the reader is back until he bumps into her leaving Greg’s office on the ground floor of the precinct. She had been smiling as she was leaving Greg’s company, not an unusual sight considering they were friends, but Jay still can’t help the pang of jealousy all within the 5 minutes of seeing the reader for the first time in years. To Jay’s surprise as well the reader has returned from service with a limp and a cane. What happened to the reader out there? And what will happen to her and Jay now that they are reunited once more?

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Part 1

The L-train follows the curves of the track above the city’s bustle, the screech-rattle of the cars on the rails somehow brings you a comfort you never imagined it would. You look out over the sprawling streets to see everyone’s days in motion. The ordinary sights of people sharing conversation outside coffee shops, construction workers hollering as they work in symphony, and a CFD fire truck passing down below - it all makes you smile. You would have to stop by Firehouse 51 at some point, or better yet drop into Molly’s and see everyone there. You had finally made the decision to switch blistering heat, roaring rocket fire and a Ranger’s uniform for the city you had grown up in. Now it would be civilian clothing, Chicago’s varied and broad soundscape and the excitement for a new chapter of your life. 

There was, however, a small caveat to your ‘decision’ to come home. You had decided that the tour you had just finished was going to be your last, yet it was still cut short by the fateful hand of an IED. The explosive device had surprised your small team of Rangers whilst out on a detail, you had all suffered various injuries. For you, it was the shrapnel to your right leg. The damage had required extensive surgeries to repair the bone and muscle just above your knee, going into your thigh. With the best work of surgeons, you had still come away needing regular physiotherapy, carefully managed pain medication and a cane to help you walk. 

Yet, all things considered, you could cope with that; you were one of the fortunate to still have a life to live. After months of counselling concerning your time in Afghanistan, as well as occupational therapy about what would come next, you had got yourself to a place where you could make each day work. It had been as difficult as it had been described to you, adjusting to ‘civilian’ life again, and learning to rely on military support groups made you feel uncomfortable, a stark reminder of all that you had done. But it was an unfortunate necessity to be around people who had been in the same situation, something you could only reconcile and grow from going forward. If you couldn’t, then you’d take the breather and restart the next day.

Now that you were indeed a good few months into being back in Chicago, you had decided it was time to see familiar faces. Friends who hadn’t yet been witness to your return. You wondered if they would be upset that you didn’t make your existence known sooner, but on reflection, you don’t think you’d have been good to anybody before now. 

You had let Hank Voight know you were back in town, and rather controversially Greg Gerwitz. 

The controversy wasn’t because it was Mouse, the controversy was because of who it wasn’t. You had been avoiding Jay Halstead with all the best will in the world, deciding that you didn’t need to cause waves in his life after so many years of him being home and making a new life for himself. Last you heard he had a girlfriend, some detective in the same unit as him, it was better that you just let him be. Right?

So here you were, having got off the L, walking up to the steps of the 21st District with a nervous thrumming in your body. You hadn’t been here in 5 years, Hank had tried to get you to consider the Intelligence unit, but you had decided against it. Choosing to redeploy was right for you at the time, but you couldn’t help but think how different your life could have been. Now, you weren’t sure how someone like you could fit in with that type of work, especially with a physical impairment, not that you didn’t know desk work was a thing. Still, there was a lot left to consider. 

Taking a deep breath you come to the top step, and a patrolman holds the door open for you, you thank her as you slip inside, eyeing Trudy Platt filling out a form at her desk, it makes you smile. Trudy had been one that you wanted to surprise, choosing to be entertained by her unfiltered reaction at your return. You take careful steps towards the desk, and come to a standstill in front of the sergeant, leaning slightly against your cane. You clear your throat loudly. 

You immediately want to start laughing as Trudy lifts her head with a scowl, ready to chew out whoever was getting her attention in an obnoxious way. But her face immediately softens when she sees who it is,

“Oh my god, you’re alive.” She breathes, coming round the desk to give you a hug with haste.

Laughter escapes you now, chest filling with warmth as Trudy wraps her arms around you, it felt motherly, it felt like home. 

“Yep, Sarge. I lived, sorry to tell ya I’m back to being a pain in the ass.” 

She makes an indistinct noise of excitement and affection, squeezing you a little tighter. 

“It’s good to see you back, kiddo.” She leans back to get a good look at you, still smiling that rarely seen smile around the District. 

“It’s good to be back, Trudy. I was thinking we could catch up at Molly’s soon, or uh, I’ve got an apartment, you and Mouch could come over for dinner?” 

You almost wanted to cry at Trudy’s clear happiness at seeing you, you clocked a few patrolmen out the corner of your eye gawking at their Sergeant’s uncharacteristic glee. 

“You’re not gonna cook for us, we’re gonna cook for you. How about this Sunday? Mouch is off shift, and I’m free.”

You nod enthusiastically, touching her elbow in thanks, “I’d love that, Trudy. Thank you.” She nods approvingly, patting your shoulder before letting you readjust your position. Taking in your cane and knee brace, she finally asks. 

“So, out with it, what happened?” The sergeant crossed her arms, disapproving that you got hurt where she couldn’t come and visit you or help you.

“IED.” You shrug, sighing. “Shrapnel messed up the bone and muscle, I can walk, maybe jog a little, but the movement is restricted. I’m doing alright all things considered. I’ve started looking for work, not quite sure what yet. Something First Responder related though.”

She listens intently, mulling over your words. “Well, you know I’ll help you with anything, alright? If you need me to put in a good word or want some contacts, I’m your gal.” 

“You are absolutely my gal, Sarge.” You wink, so happy to be back with the people you knew loved and cared for you most. 

“I was gonna say hi upstairs if that’s alright, but uh is Mouse around? I heard he has his own little office down here.” 

Trudy nods in the direction of a doorway leading down some steps, 

“I’ll show you.” She starts walking, and motions to another officer to take over the desk for a minute.

“Great, thanks.” You start moving, taking a glance at the gated stairs that lead to Intelligence’s bullpen, stomach clenching nervously at who would be up there. 

You can’t hide forever, dumbass. An internal voice supplies, knowing eventually you’d have to look Jay in the eyes. 

A few steps and a corridor later you come to a door that leads into a room, Trudy pushes the door open to reveal a space full of shelves of files and a small wall of monitors with various data, footage and images on it. At the desk facing said electronic wall is the recognisable mop of hair on Mouse’s head. “Why does nobody ever knock-” He grumbles, turning to complain at whoever had just intruded his space, but stops short when a) He sees Trudy’s scowling face and b) Your amused one 

“Holy shit, she’s here.” He grins, standing to bring you in for a tight hug.

“I’m here.” You mumble between soft chuckles into his shoulder. 

Trudy’s lips upturn ever so slightly, still irritated by Mouse’s tone, 

“I’ll be at the desk if you need anything, Y/N.” 

“Of course, Sarge, thanks.” You hold up a thumb of approval, keeping your laughter to a minimum until the door closes behind her. 

“It’s so good to see you, man.” You grin, ruffling his hair, “You doing okay?” You query, knowing Mouse always found it harder than you or Jay to adjust to being away from military duty. 

“Yeah, I’m alright… it has its days, but I like working here for the moment.” You nod, listening to his words, taking in his own space. 

“This is a nice little spot, huh?” You remark, flicking one of the Star Trek bobbleheads on his desk. 

“It is when nobody is busting into here without knocking.” He muses, you roll your eyes, prodding him in the shoulder. 

“Hey, I have a license to intrude, I haven’t seen you in freakin’ years, dude.” 

“You are the only one with a license, not even Jay is allowed to just intrude.” 

You swallow at the mention of Jay’s name, it doesn’t escape Greg’s attention. 

“You spoken to him at all?” He raises an eyebrow, arms folded as he leans against his desk, pulling the chair out for you to sit and rest your leg. 

“Thanks.” You say softly, sighing as you continue to answer the question. “I haven’t, he doesn’t know I’m here. Unless you…?” 

He holds his hands up immediately, “Hey, I kept you a secret as you requested.”

You smile sheepishly in thanks, it now hits you that you would more than likely see Jay Halstead, for the first time in years, today. You’re rubbing absentmindedly at your aching leg, trying to quieten the nervous adrenaline that thrums through you. Serving together had been simultaneously the best and most challenging experience of your adult life, both of you could never seem to get the timing right and though it wasn’t an entirely negative parting of ways, it still felt that it was something lost. 

You and Mouse chat for a while, catching up on things as you glance at the clock on the wall. You hum, preparing to get yourself up,

“I guess I should go up there, huh? If nothing else Hank will want to see me.” You lift yourself out of the chair, finding a good grip on your cane you start to move towards the door. Mouse opens it for you, 

“You want me to come up too?” He queries. 

You shake your head, “Nah, it’s okay. The others will be up there, I told Adam last time I’d bring him something back from my final tour.” 

“Oh yeah, what did you get?” 

You pat your jacket pocket, pulling out something small. Mouse snorts, 

“A rock?” 

“Yep, a very nice sandy rock.”

“He should be honoured.”

“Damn straight.”

“So, going solo?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I don’t want to get you in trouble for being in on the secret.”

“You absolutely sure? I can take him, he’s older and slower now.” 

The joke has you chuckling loudly, giving Greg a one-armed hug as you shuffle out into the hallway. 

“Oh, I will use that line as an ice breaker.” 

“Gee, thanks, what happened to not getting me in trouble?” 

“Needs must, and that one was too good to not share.” 

Greg shakes his head in fake offence, “You are still trouble, Y/N.” 

“Oh don’t I know it, bud, don’t I know it… Listen, if I don’t say goodbye or whatever, you wanna meet for drinks or something soon?”

“100%, I’ll text you.”

“Sweet, alright, well wish me luck.”

“Good luck, remember when in doubt, whack him with the cane.”

“I will absolutely do that.” You give Greg one last wave and turn to make your way back up the corridor Trudy had led you down, Mouse shutting the door as you go.

You’re still giggling to yourself as you walk, not noticing the man approaching who had heard you leaving Mouse’s office with laughter. Taking a quick glance at your phone you end up walking into the warm, rigid, frame of the approaching man, the corridor was not exactly roomy enough to simply pass one another. You stumble back, trying to right yourself, but firm and gentle hands grip your arms, one hand moves to your back to stop your descent and the clatter of your cane.

You feel a little embarrassed for not looking where you were going, ready to apologise to whoever had caught you traipsing in the hall, 

“Y/N?” His voice is deeper now, but there’s still that curious youth, he had really filled out since you’d seen him last, strong muscular arms, a jawline and stubble that matured his baby face. Despite the change in depth, Jay’s voice was as comforting as ever, and your skin fizzled with goosebumps. His detective badge hung around his neck, green eyes intense and a storm of emotion.

You realise you’ve not said a word yet, simply staring at him dumbfounded when his small snort of laughter brings you back. You laugh awkwardly.

“Jay… hey.”

“Hey… wow, I - when did you get back? I thought the tour wasn’t supposed to be over for months yet?” 

“Ah, well, an IED made that decision to retire me early.” You jiggled your cane in your hand, fully aware that Jay was still holding on to you. You clear your throat, and he finally releases you. It would be so easy to immediately pry about your injury, but he knew that wasn’t always the best course of action. He decides you’d share with him if and when you were ready. 

“I’m so sorry, Y/N, that’s rough…I, god, sorry there’s so many questions. What are you doing here?” You’re inclined to believe that Jay meant at the District, but you know his expressions well and you see jealousy flicker to the forefront. You were pretty sure he meant “Why are you seeing Mouse before me?”

“Well, I’ve been back a while, and I decided it was time to see old friends.” You smile tightly, a sadness creeping in that you really were hoping would stay at bay. “I was just about to head up and see you guys.” 

He nods, keeping his comments to himself for now, “Well, I can come with, I can bother Mouse later.” You were pretty sure that now meant, “I can interrogate Mouse later on about why you didn’t want to see me.”

“Sure, that would be good. I’ve missed everyone.” You smile a little more sincerely now, bracing yourself for everyone’s curiosities and seeing Jay’s partner, now girlfriend. 

As you watch Jay head up the corridor with you closely behind, you can’t help but hear the words you wished you’d said a moment ago ringing in your head. 

“I missed you, Jay.”

End of Part 1 

[babybirbb]

🎵 HalBarry?

thanks for resending this anon 🥺 very kind! definitely gonna toss in more than one song and prolly give a blurb just cuz i can :)

sigrid is my fav artist and she’s so underrated! this song gives me such hal coming home to be barry vibes

self explanatory!

something about this song is so Them to me. it’s prolly the “your boots beneath my bed, forever is the sweetest con” and the “im never gonna love again” that gives “i can’t believe your mine, im never gonna love anyone like this ever again” to me akdkfkdkskd

im gonna start biting something. barry telling hal not to get to close to the stars, not knowing where hal is and just wanting to go home and being worried and both of them dealing with their losses and trauma 😩

theyre the definition of friends to lovers and no matter what they go through, to me, they’ll always be friends to their core

DOMESTIC HALBARRY THE ONLY THING THEY WANT IS SWEET NOTHINGS FROM EACH OTHER

[neverwantedtflowers]

So this is my first animation bc I wanted to get into it but didn't have any inspiration of what to draw until reading a peaky blinders fic (yes, on my shit again)

In the Breath Again Verse by @whentommymetalfie (specifically Home To You when Tommy is in the psych ward 😰).

[hunklet]

Home To You Cate Le Bon, Reward (2019)

[smol-and-grumpy]

So it's been a bit of a rough patch for me lately and last night I was feeling even more down than usual so to cheer me up I re-read home to you. I just needed a bit of caring, stubborn protector soldier!dean.

I literally devoured the whole thing in one night. Because that's me - the binge reading little worm 😅, and I cannot wait for your other series to be completed so I can obsess over them.

I don't think I will ever be able to thank you enough for creating a little island with your blog and stories that is a safe heaven for me - that it manage to ground me and make me dream at the same time. I'm also extremely sorry because I would really love to support you in the way you deserve by signing up for your patreon but it seems that every single time I manage to spare some money the world around me goes to hell and I'm back to square one.

'Till the day I will be able to actually give you something back for your incredible talent I will continue to support in any way I can even if is not as much as I would like to.

Thank you again for making me smile and cry, curse and dream. You're a rare gem in this world!

First of all, I’m sorry you feel so down, babe. I hope you’re feeling better now, though.

Lol you did what?! How? It’s such a long story to read in one night 😂

I am so, so happy that you see my blog and my story as your little happy place. It means a lot. Also because some of the stories can be a little angsty, but if that is something that grounds you, I’m relieved.

Please, please, never worry about not being able to sign up on patreon. I know how life can be cruel, believe me. Been there way too often in my life.

You know what’s my fuel? If you could come in from time to time and talk to me about how you’re doing and leave me comments when you enjoy something. It honestly is the best feeling in the world for me.

Thank you for taking your time and sending me this. You might not know it but you also made my day because it’s much needed right now ❤️❤️❤️

Home To You

[theriverbeyond]

i must not get takeout. takeout is the wallet-killer. takeout is the little-death that brings total obliteration. i will face the kitchen, fridge, and pantry. i will make choices about what to cook and then execute them. when hunger is gone there will be nothing. only i will remain.

[bakedbeanchan]

random fire nation diplomat #492 will never understand the complex and fucked up relationship between the water siblings like I do 🙄

[iwritetopassthetime]

home to you

MASTERLIST

Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x fem!reader

Summary: When two people are meant to be together, fate will always find a way to bring them to each other. It's just that sometimes it's not under the normal-est of circumstances. But a flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all, and Bradley will be ready to go through anything for the love of his Blossom.

Main story warnings: themes of abuse/domestic violence, mentions of terminal illness, mentions of death, mentions of grief, Bradley has a lot of feelings, Blossom is to be protected at all costs, mentions of chronic pain (scoliosis), implied age gap relationship, smut (face sitting, oral (f), p in v sex), mentions of the Navy being homophobic, mentions of suicidal thoughts, don't worry there's a happy ending guaranteed (*) denotes smut

Main story:

Prologue

Chapter One: Blossom

Chapter Two: Second Sunrise

Chapter Three: At Last

Chapter Four: Girl's Night Out*

Chapter Five: The Date

Chapter Six: If You Love Someone*

Chapter Seven: The Boys are Back in Town

Chapter Eight: Epilogue

***

Headcanons:

Bradley and Blossom house hunting

Favourite sleeping positions

If you wish to join my taglist, please fill out this Google form. It'll make everything easier for you and for me.

tags: @gretagerwigsmuse @jupitercomet @youlightmeupfinn @craftymoonchaos @the-winter-marvel33 @agent-jbarnes @blahehblah @katieshook02 @amysteryspot @daisyhollyxox @marantha @piceous21 @mak-32 @twoosinrooster @adoringsebstan @everyoneslovechild @shityoudidntaskfor @taytaylala12 @beachesandboats @ishipit1420 @machsachds @wishfulhope (crossed over names are people I wasn't able to tag, sorry)

[whentommymetalfie]

Home to you -chapter 41

-Hitting the ground-

Prologue//1//2//3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/13/14/15/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23/24/25/26/27/28/29/30/31/32/33/34/35/36/37/38/39/40

Pairing: Tommy/Alfie

Summary: Alfie is increasingly fed up with the Shelby family. The night brings more than Tommy's usual nightmares.

Warnings: disordered eating, suicidal ideation, mental instability, hallucinations, victim blaming, harmful attitudes towards mental illness and suicide, violence, brief discussions of rape/non-con

Content note: sexual content

Wordcount: 6,7 K

There isn’t a spot on Tommy’s body that Alfie doesn’t love to put his mouth on. And not just the obvious bits, right, that’s a given, no, Alfie fancies himself a man who can see beyond that, to the inside of his knee, right below his thigh where there’s a white, razor thin scar, to the sharp dip of his hipbones that bruise so easily, to his wrist, right where the pulse taps away and the veins lie so close to the skin… There isn’t a pale stretch of skin or freckle or scar that Alfie doesn’t shower with attention. But the one where the valley above his collarbone meets his neck is one of his favorites because not only is the skin soft and freckled and beautifully paper thin, Tommy always squirms delightfully when he kisses him there. Does now too, squirms and arches his neck so that morning sun catches in the dark strands of his hair. 

“You a bit ticklish there, eh, treacle?” Alfie chuckles and trails kisses up his neck, savouring the little gasps he lets out. Tommy grasps at the pillow underneath his head, wraps his legs tighter around his waist, digging his heels into the backs of his thighs. Alfie understands what he wants, doesn’t he? And fuck if he doesn’t want it too, but it still feels like things might be moving too quickly. Tommy might think he’s ready, but Alfie doesn’t think he realises just how big this step would actually be, and might be unprepared for the raw vulnerability of it all. Even if part of him scoffs at the objection: he’ll be fucking careful, he’ll be so gentle and considerate and attentive that Tommy will melt underneath his hands and open beautifully until he’s fully ready to let Alfie take him. But the thing is, he very much suspects that part is influenced by another, one which feels that if he doesn’t get to fuck Tommy soon, he’s going to fully lose it. 

Tommy squirms underneath him, drawing a moan from him as Alfie’s cock rubs against his hip, his own erection weeping where it’s trapped between their bodies. Alfie kisses him, rocks his hips and grabs onto Tommy’s backside to get some leverage. Tommy moves with him, his breathing growing deeper, and Alfie is very close to listening to the less rational part of his brain when the doorhandle twists. Thank fuck, the door is locked, but the twisting is followed by a hard knock. 

“Oi, Solomons!” 

Alfie rolls his eyes and is entirely set on ignoring this interruption, but Tommy has frozen up under him and is staring wide eyed at the door, pale beneath the blush on his cheeks. 

“Don’t worry, love, door’s locked,” Alfie mutters and kisses him again, in hopes of making him forget all about his older brother now trying to break down the door. Tommy’s legs have fallen down from around his waist and he hikes them up again. 

“Hello?” Arthur calls and knocks again. “Solomons?” 

Tommy pulls out of the kiss, puts his hands on Alfie’s chest and tries to push him away without much success. But Alfie has to give up, doesn’t he? 

“A bit busy here, Arthur!” he calls back. “Come back in half an hour or so.” 

“What is going on in there? Why’s the door fucking locked?” 

“Take a wild fucking guess,” Alfie barks, and immediately regrets it because Tommy lets out a panicked whine and stares at him with impossibly wide eyes. He smiles sheepishly. “Sorry, sweetheart.” 

There’s a brief pause, and Alfie, foolishly, thinks Arthur’s regained his senses and fucking left, but then the banging is back with a vengeance. 

“Solomons, if you don’t open up right now I swear I’ll break it!” Arthur roars. “And then I’m cutting off what’s left of your cock. You hear me?” 

“Jesus, calm the fuck down, I’m on my way,” Alfie says and rolls off Tommy who immediately pulls the blankets up to cover himself. Shaking his right leg to get it to cooperate, he snags his trousers from the floor and pulls them on as he limps towards the door, struggling a bit to fold his quite stubborn erection against his leg. Fucking hell what a way to start the day. When he opens the door, he’s just doing up the last button necessary to keep the trousers up, leaving the top one undone. 

Arthur’s face is an impressive shade of red. Almost resembles a beetroot. Though accompanied by the moustache, Alfie finds himself thinking of an angry walrus. An angry walrus who is currently staring at him with murderous intent. 

“Good morning, Arthur,” he says amicably. “And what might you want on such a beautiful day, eh?” 

Arthur lets out a huffing breath and looks from him, over his shoulder at Tommy, who is now sat on the bed, blanket clutched to his chest. And of course it’s fairly obvious even to someone as thick as Arthur what’s been happening, because Tommy looks positively debauched, hair mussed, lips swollen and with an impressive collection of marks around his neck and collarbones. Arthur’s eyes might fall out of his skull at any moment and his breathing grows sharp and rapid as they turn to Alfie again. If Tommy didn’t look so mortified, the poor delicate little flower, Alfie would’ve found it comical. Tommy pulls the blankets up even further and draws his knees to his chest to shield himself. Alfie crosses his arms over his chest and moves to fully block Arthur’s view. 

“Can I have… a word… with you,” Arthur asks him through gritted teeth, nostrils flaring. Alfie turns to Tommy. 

“Tommy, petal, I’m just going to talk with big brother here for a moment. No need to worry, alright? I’ll be perfectly nice. You just stay right there.” 

Tommy nods, and though he looks in no way convinced, he makes no move to get out of bed and follow, frozen like a deer in headlights he is. Alfie closes the door behind him and sighs as Arthur drags him further down the hallway. Thankfully he catches a glimpse of Esther at the foot of the stairs. 

“Esther, dear, keep an eye on Tommy, will you?” he calls as they pass and gets a briefly quizzical look, but hears steps coming up the stairs as Arthur shoves him into the study.

At least this has resolved the compromising situation in his trousers. Difficult to keep a hard-on when there’s an angry walrus staring at you. 

“That better not have been what I fucking think it was,” Arthur hisses and slams the door shut behind them. 

“Well, that depends, doesn’t it? What exactly did you think it was? Because if, for example, you thought we were reupholstering a chair or something, then no, that’s not what was happening.” 

A vein has begun throbbing in Arthur’s temple.

“You’re not fucking him, are you?” 

“If it’s taken you this long to figure it out, I’m sort of concerned for the state of your head, mate, because I’ve made no attempts to hide that from you.”

 “I know that you- you clearly had that kind of… relationship, before. I fucking knew that.” Arthur says. “And no, of course I didn’t approve, but at least, well, he was doing better, you said. And I could I see that you- that you care for him, right. Took some time, but I figured as much.” His voice has grown softer for a short moment, but then it’s as if he remembers himself and raises it again. “But how can you do something like that to him, now? Fuck, he’s- he doesn’t even talk. Seems to not even be here, half the time.” 

“There are ways to show that you want, or don’t want something, other than speaking,” Alfie says, patience already running thin. “And if you don’t realise that, then I feel bad for every woman who’s had to spend even a fucking second with you in bed.” 

“He doesn’t know what he wants,” Arthur says. “That’s the issue. And, on top of that, how can you- here? Fuck, anyone could’ve walked in! Lizzie may have given you her blessing but she shouldn’t have to see you fucking her husband. Ishouldn’t have to see it!”  

“Well, you wouldn’t have had to see it, and no one would’ve walked in, because the door was fucking locked! Which you would know, since you tried to break it down not a minute ago.” 

“I don’t have to see it to- to fucking picture it! I’ll have to live with you doing unspeakable things to my brother, fine, but not when I’m under the same roof. And not-“ Arthur digs a finger into Alfie’s chest. “Not when he’s so fucking gone in the head that he’s unable to even properly want it. It’s wrong, is what it is. Fuck’s sake it’s practically-“  

Arthur snaps his mouth shut around the last word, but it’s too late. The room fills with a silence so cold it makes ice creep across the windowpanes bathed in morning sun. 

“Practically what, Arthur?” Alfie says, voice low as he takes a step closer to him. “What, exactly, are you accusing me of?” 

Arthur’s jaw is clenched shut, and they’re stood so close that Alfie can see the exact patterns of red in his bloodshot eyes. 

“No, go ahead and say it, practically fucking what? Rape, is that it?” he spits and Arthur flinches. “You’re accusing me of raping your little brother? And if you fucking are, then how come you haven’t blown my fucking head to bits yet? How can you stand there, eh, saying that as long as it doesn’t happen when you’re under the same roof, it’s fucking fine? If you thought, for even a fucking second, that I was hurting Tommy, and haven’t done shit about it other than glare and huff, then you’re a worse fucking brother than I could’ve ever imagined.”  

Arthur finally lowers his gaze, his gangly frame seeming to shrink by an inch or so, but Alfie has zero fucking sympathy for his self-pity right now. 

“And you listen to me now, Arthur Shelby,” he says. “I don’t owe you shit, but I’ll say this for Tommy’s sake and his sake only: I know more about what he wants and needs than you could ever dream of. And when the fuck would you deem him sound enough to want things, eh? What if he never recovers enough to talk, enough to function to what you deem an acceptable level? He’s still a man of flesh and blood. Needs to be shown that, that he’s still a whole fucking person. That he’s not so broken that no one can touch him without cutting their fingers on the pieces. Otherwise, what the hell did he fight so hard for? He’s so bloody scared, all the time, he’s scared, and hurt and doesn’t… understand the world around him, and you’re not fucking allowed to trample all over the few little good things I can give him!” 

Alfie stops and catches his breath, Arthur glares, jaw set tightly, and after a moment where they stare each other down, Arthur visibly deflates. His shoulders sag and his long limbs fold into the closest chair. Alfie leans against a desk, trying to regain his composure and the air lacking from his lungs. 

They’re silent for a long moment, until Arthur finally rubs the back of his neck. 

“I suppose I- I know that he feels safe with you,” he begins. “That he wants to be with you. On some level, I get that. And that’s what keeps me from listening to this whole other part of me, which, yeah, wants to rip your fucking balls off for sleeping with my little brother. Sort of took over, right, when I saw him like that. Suppose it wouldn’t matter, really, the circumstances, because I don’t think I could’ve accepted it before all of this, either.” 

“How very reassuring,” Alfie snorts but reluctantly swallows his objections when Arthur holds up a hand.

“But I want him to be happy. He deserves to be happy.”

“And…”

“And if you can make him happy, or… content. Less scared and fucking sad. Whatever. Then… fine.”

That’s the closest they’re going to get to approval, isn’t it? Alfie is frankly too exhausted to be fighting with Tommy’s siblings. Got enough on his plate to deal with. So he decides to be gracious and let this go. Or at the very least not punch Arthur in the face. And it’s true, what he told him. From a certain perspective he might even see where he’s coming from, right -and since when is he that fucking gracious? This ordeal has done a number on him. Point is, he knows a thing or two about being what some might deem “overly” and “obsessively” protective. Especially where certain blue eyed little someone is concerned.

“Well, Arthur, there was a day when I’d have to put a fucking bullet right between your eyes for behaviour like this,” he says. “But, since you didn’t hesitate to shoot your cousin, yeah, for what he’d done to Tommy, and consequently also kept me from possibly entering an early grave, well, that shows me there’s at least something in there worth preserving.” 

He taps his index finger on the spot between Arthur’s eyes. Arthur grunts and bats it away. 

“And if I hadn’t seen you throw yourself between Tommy and that fucking knife I might not be so trusting of your seemingly… mostly honourable intentions with my brother.” 

“So, the next time you find a locked bedroom door, you’ll leave it alone?” 

Arthur’s jaws are working and he’s glaring at Alfie. “I suppose.” He gets out of his chair, suddenly, jutting a finger out at Alfie. “But if I find out, if there’s even an inclination to show, the slightest hint, that you’re hurting him… If I see a bruise, or find him fucking limping, then I’m taking out your good eye. To start with.”  

Alfie refrains from explaining to Arthur that a bit of limping, right, that’s something to be expected no matter how careful you are. Especially the first time, Tommy’s going to feel it the next day. But again, he doesn’t say that, because those details may put Arthur into an early grave. He also doesn’t say the first thing that comes to mind: that Arthur won’t have to worry about seeing any of that, because now when everything’s resolved in Birmingham, they’ll be going home to Margate where there are no big brothers who can walk in on them. The mere thought of that puts him in a better mood. 

He pats Arthur’s shoulder. 

“I’d be offended if you didn’t,” he says. “Now, did you actually want something when you came barging in, or do you just have some special big brother sense that goes off when your baby brother’s about to be defiled by another man?” 

He grins and Arthur scowls and things are just as they should be. 

“Just wanted to see if you were coming down for breakfast,” he mutters, and Alfie can’t keep himself from barking out a laugh as the oldest Shelby sibling stalks off, muttering obscenities under his breath. 

When he returns to their bedroom, Tommy is not there, and Alfie has to accept the fact that any possibility at resuming the amorous activities is gone, so he gets dressed and goes downstairs instead. He finds Tommy in the kitchen, seated opposite Esther at the table, meticulously peeling an apple. It’s a slow process, but one that seems to keep him adequately distracted. Alfie bends down to kiss the top of his head and Tommy lights up, tilting his head so that Alfie can plant another kiss on his forehead, and then one on his nose, making him let out a content little sound. Compared to that, what’s some interrupted sex? 

“Got everything straightened out, Sir?” Esther asks, glancing up from the cutting board where she’s got an impressive pile of chopped apple. 

“Sure, sure,” Alfie says. Stands behind Tommy and pets his hair absentmindedly as he watches him peel a second apple, after putting the first one onto Esther’s cutting board

“Mister Shelby walked by in sort of a huff. But I do think he muttered some kind of apology.” 

“Well, he’s learning, isn’t he? 

Tommy looks up at him. Blinks in the sunlight. Alfie runs a thumb over his cheekbone. 

“It’s all fine, sweetheart. Me and your brother are great friends, aren’t we? Nothing to worry about.” 

“I should hope so. We don’t want any petty bickering,” Esther says with one of her best admonishing looks. She gets up and puts the knife down, carefully pushing the cutting board across the table. “Me and Tommy are making pie. Why don’t you make yourself useful and do some chopping, and I can make the dough?” 

“God forbid I just stand here for a moment enjoying the view,” Alfie mutters and tugs lightly at Tommy’s hair, tilting his head to get a better look at said view. “No, of course I have to be immediately put to work.” 

Esther shuffles around the contents in the cabinets to grab a jar. “You know what they say about idle hands, Sir.” 

And of course Alfie has already sat down, because he’s long ago learned the futility of arguing with his housekeeper. 

They sit in silence for a bit. Tommy is fully focused on his task but still flinches whenever there’s an unexpected sound: a door slamming somewhere, Lizzie or Ada calling something from another room, one of the kids running down the stairs or Cyril barking. And whenever anyone passes by the kitchen, he visibly shrinks into himself, as if he could make himself disappear. 

Alfie needs to take him home. Really, in hindsight, they should’ve left the second Tommy came out of that near catatonic state after the fire. But time has passed quickly, and he’s been fighting so hard to keep Tommy afloat, taking things hour by hour and sometimes minute by minute, and it’s only now he can momentarily stop and see that there’s nothing keeping them here. His men have successfully tracked down every loyal man Michael Shelby still had by his side and eliminated that threat. And while Tommy’s family do care, bless them, they’re not much help, are they? Because they can’t be trusted to look after him and Tommy still only clings to Alfie (a fact that darker part of his mind is quite pleased with). 

The thing is, Alfie is terrified that a change will somehow hurt him. They’re walking a tightrope, right, and a single tiny step in the wrong direction might sent them hurtling into the ravine again. And it’s easier to deal with a known, if at times, less than ideal situation, than something uncertain.

Then again, how long are they supposed to wait?

Perhaps he should call doctor Adelman? 

Alfie mulls it over that whole day, and come evening, he still hasn’t brought it up, but decided that yeah, he’ll call and talk it over with the good doctor first thing in the morning. Mostly to get his own hope confirmed: a change in itself might be difficult for Tommy, but it’ll get easier the second they’re alone in the safe haven Margate seems like compared to this, surrounded by family members who certainly know how to create a less than ideal environment for recovery, some more than others. 

But as of right now, they’re still there, still surrounded by the Shelby clan, in Ada’s living room. He can always tell that Tommy can’t quite keep up with the conversations around him, when he’s surrounded by so many people, but if he wants to be here, then that’s fine. It can hardly do him any harm. And right now, things are unusually calm. Ada is sat in her armchair with a book in one hand and a drink in the other, Lizzie is opposite her with today’s paper, and Arthur’s once again trying his hand at a crossword, but has abandoned it for now to pick out a new bottle of whiskey from Ada’s liquor cabinet to refill his glass.  

Tommy meanwhile is leaning against Alfie’s side, tucked under his arm, lashes fluttering as he fights to stay awake. Adelman says it’s fine, that it’s natural he needs so much rest, but it still worries Alfie. Then again, most things do where Tommy is concerned.

“You looking at listings?” Arthur asks and glances over Lizzie’s shoulder as he passes with the bottle. “Thought you were going to rebuild?” 

“I don’t know,” Lizzie answers quickly and glances up from the paper. “Don’t know if it’s worth the hassle.” 

“You’ll never find something’s big as Arrow House around these parts,” Arthur says and sits down on the sofa, pours himself a drink and picks up the crossword again. Tommy pushes himself even closer to Alfie, turning himself into a tiny ball of limbs and blankets as if he’s trying to burrow into his body. 

“We don’t need something that big,” Lizzie says. 

“Suppose not. Just you and the kids, now. Though it’s not like Tommy took up all of the other rooms. Could fit him in a drawer.” Arthur chuckles to himself and doesn’t notice that Alfie is trying to glare a hole through his head. “Especially now. But I think-“ 

“It’s nice having you and the kids here, Lizzie,” Ada says very loudly to cut her brother off. “You don’t have to stress about finding something.” 

“And you might be onto something, about not rebuilding. Too many bad memories in that house, I suppose,” Arthur mutters and keeps looking down at the crossword. 

Alfie rubs Tommy’s back. Covers his head with his palm and gently caresses the scarred side. 

“There are good ones too,” Lizzie says softly, but Tommy can’t see the look she’s giving him because he’s hiding his face in Alfie’s shirt, breathing quick and uneven.  

Thankfully, right then, Finn comes through the door, and it breaks the tension in the room that everyone except Arthur seems to notice. 

“Never seen you focus on something for this long, Arthur,” he grins and nods towards the crossword. 

“Well, I’m trying to branch out,” Arthur mutters and furrows his brow. “You know, broaden my horizons.”

“He’s already learned five new words, it’s all very impressive,” Ada says, and Arthur is too engrossed in his new hobby to notice. 

Finn pours himself a drink and sits down on the sofa, eyeing Tommy, but he at least picks up on the look Alfie gives him and leaves him be. Ada and Lizzie are both gracious enough to do the same. Instead, they all get involved in Arthur’s crossword, which therefore soon turns into everyone’s crossword. Alfie sits back and strokes Tommy’s hair, and he eventually re-emerges from his shirt and lays his head in his lap instead, watching his siblings bicker about the capital of Algeria while Lizzie tries to tell them they’re all wrong. When the whiskey bottle is half empty, they’ve turned to a card game instead, and the brief peace is long gone. It’s all a bit too loud and rowdy. Both Finn and Arthur have drunk too much, Ada isn’t far behind, but Tommy still declines Alfie’s suggestion of going to bed with a faint headshake. Alfie gets the feeling that he just wants to feel included, and there’s something heart breaking about the thought because they don’t really know how to include him, do they? Though Arthur makes a valiant effort with the crossword and Ada asks every time a new round of cards starts if he wants to play, even if Tommy only blinks every time he’s spoken to, never caught up enough with the conversation to respond further. And eventually she stops asking. They tread around him the way you do an injured baby animal, afraid to touch it should the mother show up, but just as quickly forget about his presence in between the awkward attempts at interaction, reverting to talking entirely too loud and interrupting each other sentences. 

And they may be doing their best to make up for past mistakes, right, and Alfie might have buried most of the old anger for Tommy’s sake, but he’s suddenly reminded that these people left him alone to slowly fade away in that bedroom at Arrow House, because they were too cowardly to face the tragedy head on. And though he quickly pushes that thought to the back of his mind, it still leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

He eventually picks Ada up on the offer of joining in on the card game, if only so that he can show Tommy the cards and claim that it’s a team effort when he wins. When he’s lost count of the rounds and the shadows around the room have grown tall, Tommy is asleep, despite all the noise around him. Or perhaps because of it. 

“Shh, shh, Tommy’s… Tommy’s asleep,” Ada hisses and waves her hand at Finn and Arthur who’re currently arguing about whether Finn has just cheated or not. 

“He’s been asleep for nearly half an hour,” Lizzie says and refills her glass. “If your shouting didn’t wake him up before, I don’t think it will now.” 

Ada and Arthur look at their sleeping brother, both suspiciously misty eyed all of a sudden, which might come down to the empty whiskey bottle. Alfie feels like it’s strangely intrusive. 

“Right, think it’s time for bed anyway,” he says and scoops Tommy up into his arms with well-practiced ease, without causing him to as much as stir. Arthur is already halfway out of his seat. 

“You sure-“

“Arthur I fucking swear if you keep insinuating that I’m so old and decrepit that I can’t carry someone who weighs about as much as a fucking kitten, I’ll kill you,” Alfie says. 

Arthur slumps back down. 

“Just don’t want you dropping him,” he mutters, which Alfie ignores as he leaves the increasingly drunk gathering behind. He’s pretty sure Finn waves. 

…

A sharp banging wakes him. Tommy is still asleep, curled up against him, one of his hands tucked to his chin. Alfie lies perfectly still in the dark and tries to identify the sound, but his mind is moving slowly. Somewhere, he hears a door open, quick steps, another door, voices. The banging doesn’t stop, and he finally realises it’s someone quite literally trying to kick the front door down, and he sits up. Tommy shifts uneasily in his sleep as Alfie climbs out of bed, reaching for the gun in the bedside table. He pulls on his trousers, shoves the gun into the waistband, snags his shirt from a chair, and is out the door within seconds. Halfway down the stairs he realises it might’ve been safer if he’d locked it, but he keeps moving, hearing faint voices as he reaches the main floor, moves through the dark corridor, past the living room and through the kitchen towards the front door. 

“I want to see him,” a woman’s voice he recognises but can’t quite place says. But the list of women it could be is pretty short and the sinking feeling in his chest proves right when Arthur’s response comes in a hiss.

“Pol, it’s the middle of the fucking night, and you’re drunk or high or fucking both. Go home.” 

“Go wake him up. Bring him here. I want to talk to him.” 

“You don’t get to come here and make any bloody demands, and you’re not talking to him in this state,” Arthur says. “You’ll upset him.” 

“You’re not talking to him period,” Ada says. “Unless you’re here to fucking apologize.” 

Alfie reaches the hallway and finds Ada and Arthur standing opposite their aunt, blocking her way. She makes for quite the nightmarish sight, Polly Gray, looks as if she hasn’t slept in days, eyes bloodshot and too wide, glazed over with a crazed shine that eerily mirrors the one in her son’s eyes. A light sheen of sweat covers her forehead, and she’s dressed in her nightgown still, underneath her long coat. If he weren’t furious, he’d understand the concern in Ada’s eyes as she looks at her aunt. Though her brother seems to share his sentiment, because Arthur’s eyes are hard as steel. 

Everyone’s attention turns to Alfie as he enters the hallway, blinking in the light. 

“Get the fuck out,” he says.  

“I want to speak to Tommy,” Polly demands, words slurred. “He owes me as much.” 

“Fuck off, he doesn’t owe you shit. And I’ll make sure that you never fucking see him again.” 

Polly laughs. It’s a hoarse, awful sound.

“Why do you want to see him, Pol?” Ada asks, sounding weary.

“I want him to know, I need him to know… They’ve told me-“

“Jesus, who told you what exactly?” Arthur interrupts her. “You started talking to the ghosts as well?” 

“I want to hear him admit it, that he- that he fucking brought this onto himself. I want him to take some fucking responsibility for once.” 

The gun burns where it digs into Alfie’s back but he knows that if he pulls it now, he’s going to shoot her and it’s going to break yet another piece of Tommy’s heart, he fucking knows it will, and still…

“Right, I’ll drive you home, come on,” Ada says and walks up to her, but Polly shoves her away. 

“After everything I’ve done, everything I’ve fucking lost because of him, he owes it to me to at least listen to what I have to say.” 

“You can’t do this to him,” Ada says. “He can’t- you just want to hurt him.” 

Polly’s eyes shift to something behind Alfie’s back, Alfie looks over his shoulder, and finds Tommy standing in the doorway, having snuck up on them on quiet, bare feet. He’s taken his blanket along, wrapped it around himself on top of the flannel shirt he likes to sleep in, and now he’s clutching it in a white knuckled grip as he looks at his aunt with sad eyes. Polly looks back and her gaze is as black as the night. 

“I tried to forgive you, Tommy, I did,” she says. “When I came to Arrow house that day to see you, I did try. I thought if I only got to see you, I’d- But there’s nothing human left in you, just this fucking… darkness. And it spreads to everyone and everything you touch, I’ve seen, I know, even if everyone else seems to have forgotten-“ she looks at Ada and Arthur. “And I could see it in Michael’s eyes, that day when he came to me. How just being near you had corrupted him. I thought I had to try to save you, how laughable is that? As if I fucking owed you anything at all.” 

Alfie has stood frozen, listening to the words as they pour like black tar from her mouth but at that, he finally breaks free of the paralysis and pulls his gun, aiming it at Polly’s head. His knuckles are white around the handle. 

“You knew,” he says. “You realised he was about to do something, and you did nothing to stop him.” 

Polly stares at him, mouth twisting into a smile.  

“Solomons, put the fucking gun down,” Ada says, but stays where she is.

“Fucking hell, Pol, you let him set fire to a house with all of us in it?” Arthur asks, incredulous. “Charlie and Ruby were-“ 

“I didn’t know!” Polly interrupts him and her voice grows loud and shrill. “How could I have known? I thought- He only talked about Tommy. That house wouldn’t have burned if Tommy hadn’t been there-“

“Polly…” Ada begins, a pleading not to her voice.  

Alfie steadies the hand holding the gun. 

He can’t do this. He fucking knows he can’t. 

“Michael wouldn’t be dead,” Polly says. “Aberama wouldn’t be dead. John wouldn’t be fucking dead-“

“Polly!” 

But he has to. 

“And all I’m asking for, is that he fucking acknowledges it!” 

Alfie cocks the gun. The click finally makes the room go quiet.

He feels Arthur’s presence behind him, but he doesn’t dare coming too close. Ada is just a blurry figure to his side, she too frozen in place. His finger is tight around the trigger, and the rage pulses white hot behind his temples, spreads like wildfire through his nerves. 

“Do it. I bet it makes you furious,” Polly hisses. “Oh, how fucking dare she say that about my precious little Tommy. Who’s done nothing wrong, who’s just an innocent victim in all of this. Poor, helpless little Tommy with his broken fucking head, who destroys everything he touches.”

Alfie’s finger squeezes tighter around the trigger just as Tommy appears before him, and thank God the adrenaline has sharpened his reflexes because he eases off right at the last second, before a bullet ends up in Tommy’s head. Tommy stands between him and Polly, at the end of the barrel of his gun. Alfie breathes sharply through his nose. Blinks to remove the images, ones of Tommy reeling backwards from the force of the bullet, skull breaking into pieces, blood spraying over the pale wallpaper, his still body lying sprawled at Alfie’s feet...

“Get out of the way, Tommy,” he grits out. His hand, unbelievably, is shaking. He was in the fucking war. He had all of London in the palm of his hand for years. He’s shot men at point blank range without batting an eye, and now, he’s shaking. “She knew, and she didn’t do shit. She made her fucking choice.” 

But Tommy doesn’t move out of the way. He takes a step closer. Gently lays a hand on his outstretched arm. Alfie flinches at the touch and everything blurs around him except Polly Gray and the insane glint in her eyes. She knew. She chose not to say anything and how, how can she look at Tommy and not feel crushing guilt, look at what she’s caused, what she’s destroyed, all the broken fucking pieces no one will ever be able to put back together- 

“Alfie,” a quiet voice says, and for a moment he’s certain it’s just his imagination, but it’s not, it’s Tommy’s, weak and hoarse from disuse but undeniably real. His world come back into focus, Tommy’s eyes locking onto his. Tommy shakes his head. “Don’t- don’t do this.” 

“I have to,” Alfie says. “I have to do right by you. Someone- someone is fucking paying for this.” 

“It’s okay,” Tommy says. Reaches out and cradles his face in the palm of his hand as he looks at him with soft eyes. “I’m- it’ll be okay.” 

Alfie’s wanted to hear his voice for so long, hear him say those words himself, that it feels surreal when it happens. But he can’t let this go, not this too… 

Tommy steps even closer until he’s all Alfie can see, his eyes that are as blue as the sky and the sea and forget-me-nots looking only at him, as if Alfie is the only thing that exists in the world, the very centre of it. Tommy runs his thumb gently over the scarred side of his face. 

“It’s okay,” he says. 

The gun slips from his hand. Alfie barely hears it hit the floor, he grabs onto Tommy, his too thin shoulder, the back of his neck, and pulls him close, holding onto him like a man drowning. Tommy wraps his arms around his waist. Rests his forehead against his shoulder for a moment’s reprieve, before he turns in his embrace and faces his aunt. Polly is silent, finally, as they stare at each other. No one dares to move. Tommy keeps his eyes steadily fixed on Polly. Her chest heaves as she draws shaky breaths. 

“I’m sorry,” Tommy finally whispers. He wavers on the spot as if the words have taken a physical toll. His hands bury themselves in Alfie’s shirt, holding on tighter. Something passes across Polly’s face, behind the eyes. 

“Tommy,” she says. “I’m- I didn’t-“

“I want you to leave,” Tommy says quietly, but Polly stays right where she is and his voice breaks as he pleads, “Just go.” 

That finally breaks everyone out of their frozen positions. Ada hurries over to usher Polly towards the door, arm around her shoulders, muttering things about driving her home, and Arthur trails behind them, hands on the back of his neck as he watches them step out into the night.

Alfie looks at the gun on the floor. It replays in his mind, Tommy stepping in front of the barrel… Moments, a fraction of a fucking second later and he would’ve- 

He never should’ve raised that gun.

He should’ve dropped it the second Tommy appeared before him.

He should’ve put a bullet in Polly Gray’s fucking head. Couldn’t even get that right. Couldn’t protect Tommy, even from this. 

His heart hammers so hard behind his temples that it’s all he can hear, all he can feel. His arms drop around Tommy, numb, something sharp and painful builds in his chest and he can’t be here, can’t let Tommy deal with this too, so he pushes him away. Flees the room, ignores Tommy’s cries as Arthur holds him back, Arthur’s voice, let him go, Tommy, let him cool off, because he can’t let Tommy see the fucking tears that well his eyes and he needs to get out of this house and away from it all. 

The cool night air nearly knocks him off his feet as he tears open the glass doors in the living room to the darkness outside. He walks right into that darkness, stumbles until he reaches the stone wall surrounding the outer edges of the garden, and there his legs give in and he sinks to the ground, back against the cold stone. He buries his face in his hands and breathes through clenched teeth, trying to reel it back in, pull himself together. 

But he’s so fucking tired. 

“Alfie?” Tommy’s voice comes from the house, cracking at the edges. He’s afraid, of course he is with the way Alfie stormed off. “Alfie?”

His voice is closer now and Alfie breathes and breathes but can’t gather himself enough to answer, enough to be what Tommy needs. 

When Tommy appears before him, he sees him through a blurry veil of tears. He’s barefoot, in the wet grass. Alfie pushes the heels of his hands into his eyes until white lights dance under his eyelids. 

“Just need… a second, love, okay? Just a second,” he says and tries to put on a reassuring façade, just to get Tommy away from here. Swallows and swallows without success and the tears begin dripping down his cheeks as a choked sob rips from his chest. He bites the inside of his cheek until he tastes blood. 

Without a word, Tommy sits down next to him in the grass and hugs him, huddling close to his side and Alfie should pull away, tell him to go inside, that he’ll be fine, he just needs a second to breathe. Instead he leans into the embrace, buries his face in his shoulder. Wraps his arms around his waist and pulls him closer until Tommy is nestled on his lap and he can bury his face in the crook of his neck. He’s holding him too tightly, he’s going to hurt him, his fragile little bird, but Tommy doesn’t break, he just wraps his arms around his neck and gently runs his fingers through his hair. And his Tommy is all sharp angles and bones but right then he feels like a warm and soft little animal burrowing into him, a safe weight resting over his heart. Alfie finally stops trying to swallow down the sobs and lets himself cry against his shoulder. 

“I’m sorry,” he chokes out. “I’m sorry-“ that I couldn’t keep you safe, that you had to hear those things, that I put you in fucking danger, that I can never give you the retribution you deserve. I’m sorry.

 Tommy doesn’t say anything, he simply holds him. And Alfie lets himself be held. 

[edwardbonnets]

how to ask the demon you've been smitten over for 6000 years to dance: an angel's guide

bonus:

[retquits]

1.6 is coming—see you march 19th!!! 🥹🌱

[hansoeii]

we go just right.

[thatrandomblogsays]

Annabeth: I, a child, had to earn Thalia’s love, that’s how the world works! I have to earn my moms love. Love is transactional, you gotta be worthy of it first silly :)

Percy, listening to this on the train