#am i only mexican when in relation to what i can provide

[fulane-de-tal]

white people are literally so batshit insane bonkers how are you saying these things genuinely where is the though you've lived here your WHOLE life how have you never heard of one of the most important locations in the city...

[dvasva]

I have a sincere question.

How will not voting for Biden help? Threatening not to hasn't worked to make him do anything to stop this monstrosity and I'm sure Trump will be (however slightly) worse.

I'm just wondering what you're proposing as a solution here? Are you just saying that it's selfish or something to care about how much worse things will get in the us while there's a genocide going on, or is there some alternative to voting for Biden that will actually help because I want to help whatever I can to stop the genocide.

/genuine

I'm gonna be genuine and honest when I say this; at this point, if you don't already dislike Biden and feel the same way I do, I doubt anything I will say will convince you one way or another, and I can tell your question is coming from this fearmongering rhetoric that was born during the 2020 election of 'Vote Blue no matter who', that I didn't agree with back then and I definitely don't agree with now.

I'm gonna level with you right up top, answer your question first, tell you what I think about all of this, even though it's not the most cheery thing. I don't think there's anything that will make things better. I think we are living in a rotting corpse that is like at most 6 months away from exploding from the built up pressure of gasses. I honestly don't know why you even asked me of all people. I can only really support community outreach, community building and mutual aid to mitigate the inevitable harm this whole clusterfuck, either way, will cause to the most vulnerable people, and can only urge you to do the same. We cannot have any political action until people start building community outside of online spaces. That is the biggest flaw of modern leftist political praxis, the lack of community. This is why the college protests are fantastic, because it is a small scale general strike amongst students, with people organizing and providing mutual aid to make organizing easy for the most amount of people possible. That's my solution. Mutual aid.

And, despite how I feel about questions like this, (especially considering aside from a few replies in various posts, and a generally active reblog and tag life about Palestine and Biden, I haven't made any original posts about this and I'm like... a rando with like less than 200 followers, so it's weird that you're coming to me with this question) I will treat this like a genuine question.

That being said, I did vote for Biden in 2020, despite my reservations. So, anything that happened during his presidency puts blood on my hands as much as anything.

I'll kind of start with saying that I am a hispanic, mexican, nonbinary person with a uterus and disabilities from Texas. My current governor is Greg Abbot and a lot of the most heinous conservative bills and debates regarding immigration, police, free speech, lgbt issues, abortion, etc, have taken place in my state where I live, and I am distantly related to Linda Coffee, one of the Roe v. Wade lawyers.

So, I'm not like. Some cishet white guy from Wisconsin who has never seen or witnessed oppression and who doesn't have any stake in any of this, and thinks the edgiest thing I can do is not participate in the system.

I come at this issue from multiple angles, and these are not like... the official political opinions of everyone who has ever agreed with me, this is just mine.

To start with, 1. I'm still voting in local and state elections, and 2. I don't believe in rewarding bad behavior. You said 'Threatening to not vote for him hasn't done anything to change his behavior' and so I'm going to carry through with my threat. Consequences and all that. Not that it really matters what I vote in presidential elections anyways. I live in Texas, a winner take all state. As we have seen multiple times, the popular vote is meaningless, and the only thing that matters is the electoral college. Texas is gerrymandered to all hell, and it's districts are drawn in a way that will always favor republicans. Until our corrupt ass state can finally manage, by some fluke, to vote in a non-republican who is actually willing to redistrict the state and prevent gerrymandering (which they wont do cause they're all chickenshit), all of Texan electoral college votes will go to the Republican candidate. I know we're not supposed to say our vote doesn't matter cause 'every little bit helps' but my vote literally does not matter in a real, tangible, way.

I know a lot of people are scared of having their rights stripped away, sure, but none of you have listened to POC, especially to POC living in southern states. All of this stuff that Trump is threatening? The more police, the border stuff, anti-trans bills, abortion? It's already happening in this country. I don't have abortion rights, I don't have freedom of speech on college campuses, I don't have a right to form a new union, I don't have trans rights, and if the police wanted to, they could pull over anyone in my family and arrest and deport them simply because of the color of their skin, regardless if they're actually an immigrant or not. Cop Cities are popping up around the world, the police is militarized and think it's ok to violently arrest peaceful protesters on college campuses. Meanwhile, the rich keep getting richer. Rafah was invaded last night, tanks placed on the border preventing anyone from leaving into Egypt anymore, and all the while the richest fuckers in this entire country, many of whom have voiced open and intense support for Israel, all met up with their tickets that cost 75k to take pictures in their pretty outfits and ignore the ongoing genocide.

All of this stuff is already happening regardless of who's in charge, and the only difference between Trump and Biden, to be honest? Northern Liberals will actually care about what's happening if Trump is in office. If Trump did everything that Biden did, there would be mass outrage about Palestine from every single Vote Blue No Matter Who person who's around. It's easy to blame the people whose rights have already disappeared for the threat that your rights might disappear as well. This Vote Blue No Matter Who thing is a cry for comfort. It is the people who are not feeling the effects of the crumbling empire we live in crying out, screaming 'Let me feel the comfort for a little bit longer, I don't want to be subjected to the things that others are already subjected to! I just want to be comfortable for a little bit longer!' And I honestly am not interested in voting for white northern comfort just because the other guy is threatening to take that away too.

And you are right. I do think it's selfish to try to focus on your own comfort while ignoring the active genocide of Palestinians, the ethnic cleansing being done with American Money, the thing that puts blood on every taxpayers hands, a true example of Taxation without Representation. Palestine is not the sacrificial lamb that we are entitled to trample over to ensure that we are comfortable. To think so is so monstrously dehumanizing, to say 'I can't focus on that cause I have to worry about me' while actively funding it. That's the biggest catching point for me. We have a responsibility to oppose Biden, to not vote for him and to actively call for him to step down and allow a different person to run, if not dismantling the system entirely, because this blood is on our hands.

Other people have said a lot more clever things about this than me, but Palestinian oppression is directly linked to all oppression around the world. Police in the US train with IOF soldiers, use the same methods on american citizens as IOF use on Palestinian citizens. This is not a case of 'two random countries that have nothing to do with us duke it out'. Israel is acting with the direct and explicit blessing of Joe Biden and the United States Government. He is, even for the standards of Democrats who like to say pretty words while bombing brown people, a warmonger. Like, violently so. Biden is legitimately more dangerous than anyone is giving him credit for, and is actively and openly funding blatant and obvious war crimes. That should honestly get him arrested and tried in an international criminal court.

Anyhow, that's all that from an American perspective. If you wanna really figure out what to do to help, seek out voices who actually know what they're talking about instead.

I recommend Imani Barbarin:

Also, check out my pinned post for ways you can provide a bit of support or learn more about the active ongoing genocide and ethnic cleansing of Palestine.

Especially check out Esims for Gaza. Aid has been inconsistent at best, but if you can't find anything else to do, send esims to help keep Palestine connected to the world.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Now I'm wondering why now and "attempts"👀, I wantr it be sexuality related but I also just wanted to tell his dad what all his suck it and deal with bullshit has done to him... or both please

Nonnie

The now is easy - Eddie has reached a place where he feels ready to deal with that aspect of his trauma. Remember Frank told Eddie to go back to the first trauma and speak to those who were directly involved (I can't remember the exact quote of the top of my head but the jist is right!) Eddie can only heal if he deals with that storage locker of trauma he's been carrying round with him (we saw how he wasn't ready to talk about the shooting in Dumb Luck) so he has to go back to the one thats the first - the one that will probably make it easier to deal with the other traumas in the long run.

The attempts is also easy - you can only reconcile with someone if they meet you half way - if Ramon isn't willing to do that then thats on him, but Eddie will have tried and that means he can know he did all he could to resolved whatever it is that needs resolving and it won't reflect badly on him - he may still carry around some of that trauma, but it won't weigh on him in the same way.

as for the sexuality storyline potential - for me its the only thing that makes sense - the use of the word repression by the dr when Eddie had his panic attack was very pointed - the script writers are very careful with their choice of words - they have weight. Also if you think about a strict Mexican Catholic up bringing where the man is head of the house and there are expectations that men should marry a woman, have children and provide for them, what the head of the household says goes (someone put it perfectly that the male head of the house is the rule maker and the female - his wife is the rule enforcer). If you think about that and living in a society that says that it's not okay to be queer in any way so you have to fight that part of yourself in an attempt to fit in, but you never feel like you've pulled it off. Thats a massive part of yourself that you haven't allowed to be free and at this point what else would make sense in Eddies story - there really isn't anything because he did do what was expected of him - Eddie worked with his father - he got married and had a child. He signed up for the army to better provide for his family (something that would've been seen as good and proper and we saw how much Ramon wanted to bathe in the reflected glory of Eddie's silver star) - those are all the things expected of him.

I just can't see how this need to attempt reconciliation can be anything other than Eddie needing to be true to himself to his father and be okay with whatever the fall out from that is - its Eddie needing to say 'I'm gay - its who I am and I want you to still love me and I want us to have a relationship but you need to accept that this is who I am, that its always been who I am and I need you to love me anyway (Buck parallel anyone!), but I'm okay with you not accepting me just know I won't live my life in denial of who I am any longer.

I got rambly but hopefully that makes sense!

[thecaffeinebookwarrior]

Monster of the Week: The Undead!

From spooky scary skeletons to the original zombies, let’s have a look at the undead who have risen around the globe! This will not include vampires (which I have already compiled a post on) or ghosts (which I plan to compile a post on.)

Note that many of these can best be understood -- or only understood -- in their original cultural context, and I encourage you to continue your research if the lore interests you.

Skeletons/Skeletal Creatures

I am, for whatever reason, enthusiastic about skeletons. There’s a drama to them. They look like they’re perpetually grinning, or grimacing, which makes them oddly relatable. As an artist, I’m always thinking about them as the framework for poses. 

More importantly, there’s one in all of us -- sorry if that made you uncomfortable -- which makes them a universally recurring being in global folklore. Let’s take a look at just a few.

Gashadokuro

Literally translating to “rattling skull,” the Gashadokuro is also called Odokoru (giant skull) or simply “the hungry skeleton.” That basically tells you all you need to know. 

These big boys (and I mean REALLY big) wander around the countryside at night. Their name derives from the eerie rattling noise produced by their giant skulls. As chill as this may sound, the Gashadokuro is not actually chill at all, and if you come across them they will not hesitate bite your head off. This may seem like a jerk move, since they don’t even have a stomach, but they need the energy of the living in order to sustain themselves.

Like most undead fellas on this list, the Gashadokuro has its origins in the real world. They are thought to originate from the mass-graves, usually of those who died under violent or inhumane circumstances, the supernatural byproduct of countless skeletons. 

The first Gashadokuro was thought to have originated after a specific bloody rebellion, in which the bereaved, sorceress daughter of a samurai summoned a giant skeleton from the mass grave of the rebelling soldiers and used it to attack the city. Queen behavior, if you ask me.

Santa Muerte

Image Source

Let’s conclude this portion with my favorite skeleton (excluding Baron Samedi, who doesn’t count, as he is often depicted as a man, or a man with a skull-like face), the goddess/folk saint Santa Muerte.  

I still have a lot to learn about the rich folklore surrounding Santa Muerte, but to my understanding, she was born of a combination of pre-Columbian Indigenous religions and Mexican-American folk Catholicism. 

Depicted as a skeleton in beautiful, feminine attire and considered to be embodiment of death, Santa Muerte is a healing and protective figure. She is beloved by legions of worshippers, despite condemnations from the Catholic church, and symbolizes a culturally positive relationship with death. 

Despite appearances, she is a life-affirming figure.

Zombies and Reanimated Corpses:

The Draugr

When we hear “zombie,” we don’t traditionally think of “Norse mythology.” And yet, the Nordics had their very own zombie mythos, boasting some truly terrifying undead.

It is said that they first emerge from their graves as little more than wisps of smoke and a stench of decay, before adopting a humanoid form that boasts superhuman strength, the ability to change size at will, and the ability to shape-shift. 

They aren’t mindless -- far from it. They boast an anthropomorphic intelligence, which makes them all the more dangerous.  

As to what drives them from their graves? Jealousy and bitterness towards the living. Relatable, honestly. 

The Jiangshi

(Note: I wish they were all as adorable as the one in this gif.)

This Chinese hopping corpse may have evolved into more of a vampire by Western influences, but it was originally far more zombie-like. And a unique zombie at that. 

Due to rigor mortis, the Jiangshi hops stiffly from place to place, holding its arms straight out. What’s even more singular is their origin. Try to guess. Go ahead, try. You won’t be able to.

The Jiangshi is what occurs when a bereaved family, lacking the proper funds to send their loved one’s body back to their ancestral land for burial, hires a necromancing corpse driver to reanimate the cadaver and guide it as it hops back to its resting place. They’d travel at night to avoid or minimize decay, either prodded by a stick or to the beat of a drum.

Other ways to create a Jiangshi include improper burial, suicide, or possession.

Looking upon a Jiangshi is said to be bad luck, and presumably very unpleasant. However, the real problem is their insatiable appetite. 

But fear not: if you see an unhealthy looking fellow hopping towards you with pasty, possibly decaying skin, you can protect yourself with mirrors, the hooves of a black donkey, or the wood of a peach tree. They can also be scared off by the sound of a crowing rooster, though that would require a bit of planning, and the cooperation of the rooster in question. Which, knowing roosters, is unlikely. 

Haitian Zombies

All legends of the undead have roots in real tragedies, but this one is particularly upsetting -- and the source of the zombie legend in the Western world today.

The enslaved people of Haiti believed that death would set them free, sending them back to an idyllic version of their homeland unburdened by colonialism. But only if death came naturally. Suicide would turn them into mindless husks, carrying out the drudgery of their captors. A haunting parallel to the practice of slavery itself. 

The concept was introduced to a contemporary audience by the 1932 film White Zombie, which sees a white “voodoo master” (who clearly didn’t know anything about the actual Voodoo religion) using witchcraft to create obedient slaves. He eventually uses this (ahem) “”voodoo”” on a white woman to try and force her to fall in love with him. 

With the term “zombie” in public consciousness, it became an applicable allegory for all of society’s ills, and can now be used to refer to anything from mob mentality to consumerism. But few are as haunting and as disturbing as its origins.

Videos on zombies: 

The Origin of the Zombie, from Haiti to the US

Where Zombies Come From

100 Hundred Years of Zombie Evolution in Pop Culture

Best Contemporary Zombie Movies*

*That I know of. Will update with more.

Night of the Living Dead - Though White Zombie introduced the term, it was arguably this film that popularized zombies as we know them today, particularly as an allegory for herd mentality and consumerism. Its successors, including Day of the Dead and Dawn of the Dead, prove similarly influential. 

The Evil Dead Trilogy - Established that zombies can be fun, while also serving as an allegory for various societal problems. Also features undead that are refreshingly ravenous and evil without necessarily being mindless.

The Re-Animator - These days, the average zombie movie pushes the bounds of creativity is “make ‘em faster!” The Re-Animator’s take on the genre, however, would make Mary Shelley proud. Based loosely on the Lovecraft story, “Herbert West - Reanimator,” the films greatest triumph is its ability to have fun with its grisly premise, and compel the audience to have fun, too. It’s also a cautionary tale about why it’s important to be careful while getting a roommate. 

Shaun of the Dead - I’m not kidding. This film is great, and shows that you don’t need a serious tone to be heartfelt, scary, or provide a thought-provoking social commentary. Way back when I was a sixteen-year-old college freshman, I turned up to class as a zombie cheerleader, and my psychology professor recommended Shaun of the Dead to me. She’s a woman of impeccable taste, and it did not disappoint. 

28 Days Later - Before Cillian Murphy gave us Tommy Shelby, a gangster so pretty he could give Al Capone a sexual identity crisis, he was proving his mettle in the zombie-addled UK. For 2020 reasons, watching him wander the abandoned streets of London with a questionable haircut feels very topical. Add a stellar performance from Naomie Harris, and there’s a reason it sent me into a bisexual panic it’s considered a modern classic of the genre. 

Little Monsters - An egregiously underrated flick, featuring a kindergarten teacher (who happens to be, you know, Lupita Nyong’o) protecting her class during a zombie outbreak. A must watch if you want a zombie movie with a powerhouse lead, a happy ending, and perhaps the most badass kindergarten teacher in cinematic history. 

[dontmindmyshadowhunting]

To never being parted - Part 2 Chap 4 - The Birthday Party

This is the Chapter 4 of the mini sequel to my flower cards inspired Kitty Fan Fic “Am I Forgotten?”

AO3 Link here.

****

As it turned out, Jace absolutely loved his surprise. He jumped in the pop-out cake to hug Kit, who pushed him away, and they ended up rolling and wrestling amidst the vanilla buttercream, with a crowd of onlookers cheering. The most enthusiastic was Mina, who shrieked with delight during the entire fight.

They both had to change after that, which was a relief. Tessa had to hastily recover Kit’s dress from Mina, who had undertaken to lick the fabric drenched in vanilla frosting.

The party was as decadent as any party organized by Magnus Bane could be. Dark blue velvet banners hung from the ceiling, stitched with the design of stars which seemed to shine, as if the guests were standing under the night sky. Candles glowed from every surface. Magnus had magicked up a small playground for the kids in one corner of the room, far from the chocolate fountains.

Kit carried Mina around on his shoulders for two solid hours before she finally asked him to put him down. When he did, she whispered in his ear. “When I am older, I am going to marry that tall and handsome Centurion bodyguard who has been following us everywhere… He takes such good care of my big brother.” Kit felt all the blood drain from his face.

****

The dinner table was covered with food from all around the world but Kit settled for a burger. He noticed that Julian had made the same choice although he saw him slip his lettuce to King Kieran, who had decided to make an appearance for Jace’s birthday party. He was seated between Mark and Cristina, and both were trying to get him to taste Mexican food. He shot Julian a grateful look.  

“So, has Ty been sleeping in front of your bedroom, as he used to in Los Angeles? That was so cute!” Cristina asked Kit, in a cheerful voice.

“Of course not”, Kit replied. “He is absolutely welcome to my bed now.”

Everyone around the table froze before turning to look at him. Shit. Did he say that out loud?  

Kit moved his gaze towards the only person whose opinion mattered in the case.

Ty, who was seated next to Dru and Jaime Rosales, was staring at him open-mouthed, his cheeks flushed. Oh well, thought Kit. I am not taking it back anyway. If I said I was joking, Ty would take it literally. And we wouldn’t want that now, would we?

Kit shrugged and went back to eating his burger.

****

After dinner, there was a cluster of girls around Lily Chen, who was seated on a chair flaunting the Hot Shadowhunters calendar, as if it was the best book of the year.

She had decided to publish a first edition, as an experiment, in an attempt to boost the Clave’s revenues. Alec had been reluctant at first, but even he couldn’t deny the incredible success of the calendar after only a few weeks of sales. It had been sold to both Shadowhunters and Downworlders, entire stalls being dedicated to it in several Shadow Markets around the world.

King Kieran himself had bought several to add to his collection which included kitten and mundane firefighters calendars.

“So, of course we have Jace for the month of January. That one - and Mark Blackthorn’s - were the easiest pictures to obtain,” Lily explained as she enthralled her audience by flipping through the pages of the calendar.

On the front page, Jace was almost entirely naked, a well positioned sword covering his most intimate parts. Mark was just as barely dressed, poetically covered in roses and thorns.

“I had to negotiate with Magnus for Alec’s picture but as it turns out, I am quite happy with what he provided.” Magnus winked. In the picture, Alec was half naked, his muscles flexed as he was pulling an arrow to his bow. His skin was covered with black marks which stood in stark contrast with his white skin.

“Here we have Jem. Although he is officially retired from the Clave, we couldn’t do this without him. He is much too popular with the Shadow Markets’ crowd. He is only half naked of course, but compared to what people used to see of him when he was a Silent Brother, this looks like porn.” Most of the girls giggled.

“This is Simon, it was easy enough to obtain a picture of him. I just had to offer him a limited edition of a light-saver…”

“A lightsaber,” Isabelle corrected.

“Whatever. The most difficult one to obtain was Julian Blackthorn’s, of course,” Lily continued. “I had to hire a professional photographer…”

“You mean a paparazzi,” Emma interrupted.

“Emma almost broke his arm…”

“He was lurking behind a rock, taking pictures of Julian while he was surfing…”

“But apparently you both found an arrangement.”

Emma stared off into space. “He does have talent. He took amazing pictures of Julian on his surfboard… I made an album of them. He’s going to be our wedding’s photographer. Free of charge.”

“That’s my girl,” Julian said, raising his hand for a high five, though not moving his gaze from Tavvy.

Lily turned to Kit and Ty, then, pointing two fingers at her eyes and at them. “Now that you have come of age, I have got my eyes on you boys.”

Ty looked terrified but Kit only shrugged.

****

Kit danced with a lot of people. Mina, mostly, but also Clary, Isabelle, Emma, Dru, Aline and even Lily, who kept giving him a variety of nicknames. Mostly food-related. When he waltzed with Tessa, everyone stopped to observe their graceful twirls, and they were given a round of applause. Kit had to admit he was quite smug about it. Not a single dance with Ty though, who had mostly been hiding in a corner with his headphones on, his arms crossed, though a friend of Dru’s kept talking animatedly to him. He didn’t seem to notice.

After a dozen dances, Kit was exhausted and parched. As he moved towards the buffet to get something to drink, Emma and Cristina appeared out of nowhere to stand in his path, their faces alight with excitement. Kit had noticed that when Emma was not glued to Julian’s side, she was always running around with Cristina and Mark, like an iconic trio of besties.

“Welcome to the club,” they said in unison. Had they rehearsed that?

“What club?”

“The club of fearless warriors who decided to take the hazardous path of dating Blackthorn men,” Emma replied with an ominous voice.

“One word of advice,” Cristina said. “Get as much sleep as you can, while you can.”

“What?” Kit was puzzled.

“Hmmm, how to explain…” Emma put one finger on her mouth, her expression thoughtful. “Have you ever wondered why there are so many of them?”

“The Blackthorns you mean? Er- because they like kids?” Kit answered.

“True enough,” Emma replied, winking at him.

“What else is there?” Kit asked, as he had the feeling he was missing something.

Emma and Cristina burst into fits of laughter, clutching each other for support.

Kit shrugged and considered it as his cue to leave. Ty had already left the party an hour ago and Kit was wondering whether he should stop by his room to watch him sleep. Just a little peek. Ok, no, that was creepy.

As he was heading towards the door to leave the party inconspicuously, Kit was stopped mid-flight by a hand grasping his shoulder.

“Not so fast, Kit Herondale.”

Kit turned to meet Julian’s blue-green eyes. He was a different version of the Julian he had known.

The shape of his face was sharper, his features more chiseled and his luscious Blackthorn waves longer. There were no longer circles under his eyes and Kit had noticed that he had stopped biting his fingernails. He seemed happier, more rested. Almost… glowing.

Kit had to admit he was stunning. But I am already head over heels in love with his brother, Kit was reminded.

According to Jace, Julian had been a close and trusted advisor of Alec for the past few years, the Consul relying on him for war strategy and delicate political matters.

During the time he had spent in Los Angeles, Kit had witnessed how dangerous Julian’s sharp mind could be when he decided to use it. How deadly. And that was tired, restless Julian. Glowing Julian… their enemies would never know what had hit them.

Julian’s gaze moved to Kit’s chest, where the Blackthorn locket was resting.

“I see that Ty has given you his and Livvy’s pendant. I trust that you know what this means.”

His blue-green eyes were now boring into Kit’s, and Kit could not help but feel exposed, as if Julian was not looking into his eyes but straight into his head, accessing his mind.

“I do. This is it, for Ty. I am it . First and last. There won’t ever be anyone else for him.”

“What about you?” Julian’s gaze was still burning holes through Kit’s eyes.

Kit sighed. “You know what they say. Herondales love but once.”

“And you just realized that, where you are concerned, this is true?”

“No, Julian. I had already realized that three years ago.”

Kit turned to move, but Julian caught him by the arm.

“You already know what I am going to say next, don’t you?”

“Julian, I have witnessed what you were capable of in order to protect your family. I’d rather be facing the nine Princes of Hell.”

“Good,” was all Julian said, letting him go.

****

Tagging @darkkitai

[ndtcjamaica]

DIAMOND MEMORY: Stage Manager Prof. Freddie Hickling recalled his difficulty backstage Palacio de Bellas Artes on tour with the NDTC in Mexico City, Mexico | Reprinted from NDTC Newsletter IX - September, 1969

PARLEZ VOUSING EN (H)ESPANOL by Freddie Hickling

I was really asked to write a light article about various happenings back stage in Mexico, but somehow I just do not think than I can do it justice. I mean, how could anyone record with accuracy the feeling of George Carter, or myself for that matter, trying to talk Spanish in Jamaican…… “Senor, rojas focos (h)upstage right…” I mean to say, it is one thing to hear it but try and write it down noh! Well……

Poor George Carter! But what would we have done without him? All that energy, staying long hours at the theatre plotting lights during the day, doing the show at night, and then always offering a helping hand to everybody at all times. It was in Guadalajara that he really had a hard time. At the Bellas Artes in Mexico City there was always at least one person who could speak English, but in Guadalajara it was only George, me, the Almighty and Spanish! On top of that George had a little old man to deal with who didn’t know his hand parts from his elbow in Spanish let alone in English. This man, who was not a day under eighty, came hobbling in at about mid-day on the Thursday we were setting up in the Degollado Theatre. He had a little old navy blue beret cotch on one corner of his head and he start to buss heap o’ superannuated Spanish to the two of us. Not comprende-ing a word of the tongue George and I just stood up there and nodded……

Somebody had to do something – at least that’s what I decided. So I jump een. “Buenas dias” quoth I (always a good way to start a conversation I found; always put you on a good footing, it brings a smile of understanding from your listener and gives a whole heap of confidence to talk some more). “Como esta?” (still on terra firma) “Je suis le manager de la Stagero, et ici hombre est le maestro de la focos”. Well I somehow knew that something was not so right with the sentence, but I didn’t think that I had done so badly until I say the man stand up and stare at me as though I was mad. Then the stupid man gave me a little weal smile and shook his head – you know like when somebody doesn’t really understand what you are saying.

Then I decided the man must be foolish or something. I thought that maybe I was going too fast for him so I decided to slow down and deliver in my bosom, “am……the….STAGERO………MANAGERO……You know……MANAGERO de la STAGERO…….ETAGE” waving madly at the floor. “And he…….si, him”, nearly joking out George’s eye, “est la……la MAESTRO de la FOCOS………si, FOCOS” gesticulating madly at the lighting batten. “Ah, si, si, Buena” replied mine host with perspicacity and then launched forth into yet another volley of Espanol. “Raso clarto!” I contributed with a smile. “Que rasso clarto?” enquired my friend in perfect Spanish. “Oh ….buena, Buena” I offered laughing. And we all laughed in perfect understanding (!!!!????) So much for Mexican-Jamaican relations!

Fun and joke aside, that man gave George Carter a warm time. After spending three hours plotting the lights with the ‘help’ of an ‘interpreter’ provided by the theatre, George had to ask for an American girl to come and explain to the electrician – and the interpreter – exactly what he wanted. The lighting plotting barely finished, the show about to begin. When I was about to start the show I said to George “Ready George?” “Ready” was the reply. “Okay then” says I “House Lights out”. Out goes the house lights and I am waiting for Marjorie to start playing so I can put up the curtain. But no Marjorie and no music! So I poke my head outside only to see the Orchestra pit in pitch darkness. I race across the stage and bawl “George, George, the orchestra pit lights not on”. Hear George “No Man, no man they’re on! Well as I knew it I looked outside and I saw pitch darkness I looked up at him and said – “Now listen man. Don’t tell no *#%@@ that them is on, because I just look out through the %%&&## curtain and they not on. So stop the %$^&* and just turn them on”. Well at that patient George got rahtid and started to cuss me, although at the same time taking a peep to see whether the lights were off. Convinced he stopped cussing me in mid-sentence and turned madly to the maestro “Lawd man, beg you turn on the orchestra lights, quick quick.”

Remember now, the old man don’t understand and English at all. So he just looked up at George with a fixed and beady stare, and gave out some Spanish (that’s all that poor man could speak – Spanish). Anyhow George dashed over and turned on the lights himself. And so the show was able to start.

I don’t think I can write anymore for the simple reason that some of the other things that happened couldn’t really see the light of literature. But if you really want to hear them, come by one evening and we will focus on them – in English.

Note: *#%@@ refers to any of the forty shilling Jamaican expressions the reader may wish to name. now here is a real choice for you………………

Photo 1: Stage Manager Freddie Hickling, Mrs. Hickling, Ballet Mistress Yvonne DaCosta in front of the famous Palacio de Bellas Artes, Mexico City. Maria LaYacona Photography

Photo 2: The Company en-route to Mexico. Photo Gleaner Company

[lastsonlost]

Crossing the divide

Do men really have it easier? These transgender guys found the truth was more complex.

In the 1990s, the late Stanford neuroscientist Ben Barres transitioned from female to male. He was in his 40s, mid-career, and afterward he marveled at the stark changes in his professional life. Now that society saw him as male, his ideas were taken more seriously. He was able to complete a whole sentence without being interrupted by a man. A colleague who didn’t know he was transgender even praised his work as “much better than his sister’s.”

Clinics have reported an increase in people seeking medical gender transitions in recent years, and research suggests the number of people identifying as transgender has risen in the past decade. Touchstones such as Caitlyn Jenner’s transition, the bathroom controversy, and the Amazon series “Transparent” have also made the topic a bigger part of the political and cultural conversation.

But it is not always evident when someone has undergone a transition — especially if they have gone from female to male.

“The transgender guys have a relatively straightforward process — we just simply add testosterone and watch their bodies shift,” said Joshua Safer, executive director at the Center for Transgender Medicine and Surgery at Mount Sinai Health System and Icahn School of Medicine in New York. “Within six months to a year they start to virilize — getting facial hair, a ruddier complexion, a change in body odor and a deepening of the voice.”

Transgender women have more difficulty “passing”; they tend to be bigger-boned and more masculine-looking, and these things are hard to reverse with hormone treatments, Safer said. “But the transgender men will go get jobs and the new boss doesn’t even know they’re trans.”

We spoke with four men who transitioned as adults to the bodies in which they feel more comfortable. Their experiences reveal that the gulf between how society treats women and men is in many ways as wide now as it was when Barres transitioned. But their diverse backgrounds provide further insight into how race and ethnicity inform the gender divide in subtle and sometimes surprising ways.

(Their words have been lightly edited for space and clarity.)

‘I’ll never call the police again’

Trystan Cotten, 50, Berkeley, Calif.

Professor of gender studies at California State University Stanislaus and editor of Transgress Press, which publishes books related to the transgender experience. Transitioned in 2008.

Life doesn’t get easier as an African American male. The way that police officers deal with me, the way that racism undermines my ability to feel safe in the world, affects my mobility, affects where I go. Other African American and Latino Americans grew up as boys and were taught to deal with that at an earlier age. I had to learn from my black and brown brothers about how to stay alive in my new body and retain some dignity while being demeaned by the cops.

One night somebody crashed a car into my neighbor’s house, and I called 911. I walk out to talk to the police officer, and he pulls a gun on me and says, “Stop! Stop! Get on the ground!” I turn around to see if there’s someone behind me, and he goes, “You! You! Get on the ground!” I’m in pajamas and barefoot. I get on the ground and he checks me, and afterward I said, “What was that all about?” He said, “You were moving kind of funny.” Later, people told me, “Man, you’re crazy. You never call the police.”

I get pulled over a lot more now. I GOT PULLED OVER MORE IN THE FIRST TWO YEARS AFTER MY TRANSITION THAN I DID THE ENTIRE 20 YEARS I WAS DRIVING BEFORE THAT.

Before, when I’d been stopped, even for real violations like driving 100 miles an hour, I got off. In fact, when it happened in Atlanta the officer and I got into a great conversation about the Braves. Now the first two questions they ask are: Do I have any weapons in the car, and am I on parole or probation?

Being a black man has changed the way I move in the world.

I used to walk quickly or run to catch a bus. Now I walk at a slower pace, and if I’m late I don’t dare rush. I am hyper-aware of making sudden or abrupt movements, especially in airports, train stations and other public places. I avoid engaging with unfamiliar white folks, especially white women. If they catch my eye, white women usually clutch their purses and cross the street. While I love urban aesthetics, I stopped wearing hoodies and traded my baggy jeans, oversized jerseys and colorful skullcaps for closefitting jeans, khakis and sweaters. These changes blunt assumptions that I’m going to snatch purses or merchandise, or jump the subway turnstile. The less visible I am, the better my chances of surviving.

But it’s not foolproof. I’m an academic sitting at a desk so I exercise where I can. I walked to the post office to mail some books and I put on this 40-pound weight vest that I walk around in. It was about 3 or 4 in the afternoon and I’m walking back and all of a sudden police officers drove up, got out of their car, and stopped. I had my earphones on so I didn’t know they were talking to me. I looked up and there’s a helicopter above. And now I can kind of see why people run, because you might live if you run, even if you haven’t done anything. This was in Emeryville, one of the wealthiest enclaves in Northern California, where there’s security galore. Someone had seen me walking to the post office and called in and said they saw a Muslim with an explosives vest. One cop, a white guy, picked it up and laughed and said, “Oh, I think I know what this is. This is a weight belt.”

It’s not only humiliating, but it creates anxiety on a daily basis. Before, I used to feel safe going up to a police officer if I was lost or needed directions. But I don’t do that anymore. I hike a lot, and if I’m out hiking and I see a dead body, I’ll keep on walking. I’ll never call the police again.

‘It now feels as though I am on my own’

Zander Keig, 52, San Diego

Coast Guard veteran. Works at Naval Medical Center San Diego as a clinical social work case manager. Editor of anthologies about transgender men. Started transition in 2005.

Prior to my transition, I was an outspoken radical feminist. I spoke up often, loudly and with confidence.

I was encouraged to speak up. I was given awards for my efforts, literally — it was like, “Oh, yeah, speak up, speak out.” When I speak up now, I am often given the direct or indirect message that I am “mansplaining,” “taking up too much space” or “asserting my white male heterosexual privilege.” Never mind that I am a first-generation Mexican American, a transsexual man, and married to the same woman I was with prior to my transition.

I find the assertion that I am now unable to speak out on issues I find important offensive and I refuse to allow anyone to silence me. My ability to empathize has grown exponentially, because I now factor men into my thinking and feeling about situations.

Prior to my transition, I rarely considered how men experienced life or what they thought, wanted or liked about their lives.

I have learned so much about the lives of men through my friendships with men, reading books and articles by and for men and through the men I serve as a licensed clinical social worker.

Social work is generally considered to be “female dominated,” with women making up about 80 percent of the profession in the United States. Currently I work exclusively with clinical nurse case managers, but in my previous position, as a medical social worker working with chronically homeless military veterans — mostly male — who were grappling with substance use disorder and severe mental illness, I was one of a few men among dozens of women.

Plenty of research shows that life events, medical conditions and family circumstances impact men and women differently. But when I would suggest that patient behavioral issues like anger or violence may be a symptom of trauma or depression, it would often get dismissed or outright challenged. The overarching theme was “men are violent” and there was “no excuse” for their actions.

I do notice that some women do expect me to acquiesce or concede to them more now: Let them speak first, let them board the bus first, let them sit down first, and so on. I also notice that in public spaces men are more collegial with me, which they express through verbal and nonverbal messages: head lifting when passing me on the sidewalk and using terms like “brother” and “boss man” to acknowledge me. As a former lesbian feminist, I was put off by the way that some women want to be treated by me, now that I am a man, because it violates a foundational belief I carry, which is that women are fully capable human beings who do not need men to acquiesce or concede to them.

What continues to strike me is the significant reduction in friendliness and kindness now extended to me in public spaces. It now feels as though I am on my own: No one, outside of family and close friends, is paying any attention to my well-being.

I can recall a moment where this difference hit home. A couple of years into my medical gender transition, I was traveling on a public bus early one weekend morning. There were six people on the bus, including me. One was a woman. She was talking on a mobile phone very loudly and remarked that “men are such a–holes.” I immediately looked up at her and then around at the other men. Not one had lifted his head to look at the woman or anyone else. The woman saw me look at her and then commented to the person she was speaking with about “some a–hole on the bus right now looking at me.” I was stunned, because I recall being in similar situations, but in the reverse, many times: A man would say or do something deemed obnoxious or offensive, and I would find solidarity with the women around me as we made eye contact, rolled our eyes and maybe even commented out loud on the situation. I’m not sure I understand why the men did not respond, but it made a lasting impression on me.

‘I took control of my career’

Chris Edwards, 49, Boston

Advertising creative director, public speaker and author of the memoir “Balls: It Takes Some to Get Some.” Transitioned in his mid-20s.

When I began my transition at age 26, a lot of my socialization came from the guys at work. For example, as a woman, I’d walk down the hall and bump into some of my female co-workers, and they’d say, “Hey, what’s up?” and I’d say, “Oh, I just got out of this client meeting. They killed all my scripts and now I have to go back and rewrite everything, blah blah blah. What’s up with you?” and then they’d tell me their stories. As a guy, I bump into a guy in the hall and he says, “What’s up?” and I launch into a story about my day and he’s already down the hall. And I’m thinking, well, that’s rude. So, I think, okay, well, I guess guys don’t really share, so next time I’ll keep it brief. By the third time, I realized you just nod.

The creative department is largely male, and the guys accepted me into the club. I learned by example and modeled my professional behavior accordingly. For example, I kept noticing that if guys wanted an assignment they’d just ask for it. If they wanted a raise or a promotion they’d ask for it. This was a foreign concept to me. As a woman, I never felt that it was polite to do that or that I had the power to do that. But after seeing it happen all around me I decided that if I felt I deserved something I was going to ask for it too. By doing that, I took control of my career. It was very empowering.

Apparently, people were only holding the door for me because I was a woman rather than out of common courtesy as I had assumed. Not just men, women too. I learned this the first time I left the house presenting as male, when a woman entered a department store in front of me and just let the door swing shut behind her. I was so caught off guard I walked into it face first.

When you’re socially transitioning, you want to blend in, not stand out, so it’s uncomfortable when little reminders pop up that you’re not like everybody else. I’m expected to know everything about sports. I like sports but I’m not in deep like a lot of guys. For example, I love watching football, but I never played the sport (wasn’t an option for girls back in my day) so there is a lot I don’t know. I remember the first time I was in a wedding as a groomsman. I was maybe three years into my transition and I was lined up for photos with all the other guys. And one of them shouted, “High school football pose!” and on cue everybody dropped down and squatted like the offensive line, and I was like, what the hell is going on? It was not instinctive to me since I never played. I tried to mirror what everyone was doing, but when you see the picture I’m kind of “offsides,” so to speak.

The hormones made me more impatient. I had lots of female friends and one of the qualities they loved about me was that I was a great listener. After being on testosterone, they informed me that my listening skills weren’t what they used to be. Here’s an example: I’m driving with one of my best friends, Beth, and I ask her “Is your sister meeting us for dinner?” Ten minutes later she’s still talking and I still have no idea if her sister is coming. So finally, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I snapped and said, “IS SHE COMING OR NOT?” And Beth was like, “You know, you used to like hearing all the backstory and how I’d get around to the answer. A lot of us have noticed you’ve become very impatient lately and we think it’s that damn testosterone!” It’s definitely true that some male behavior is governed by hormones. Instead of listening to a woman’s problem and being empathetic and nodding along, I would do the stereotypical guy thing — interrupt and provide a solution to cut the conversation short and move on. I’m trying to be better about this.

People ask if being a man made me more successful in my career. My answer is yes — but not for the reason you might think. As a man, I was finally comfortable in my own skin and that made me more confident. At work I noticed I was more direct: getting to the point, not apologizing before I said anything or tiptoeing around and trying to be delicate like I used to do. In meetings, I was more outspoken. I stopped posing my thoughts as questions. I’d say what I meant and what I wanted to happen instead of dropping hints and hoping people would read between the lines and pick up on what I really wanted. I was no longer shy about stating my opinions or defending my work. When I gave presentations I was brighter, funnier, more engaging. Not because I was a man. Because I was happy.

‘People assume I know the answer’

Alex Poon, 26, Boston

Project manager for Wayfair, an online home goods company. Alex is in the process of his physical transition; he did the chest surgery after college and started taking testosterone this spring.

Traditional Chinese culture is about conforming to your elders’ wishes and staying within gender boundaries. However, I grew up in the U.S., where I could explore my individuality and my own gender identity. When I was 15 I was attending an all-girls high school where we had to wear skirts, but I felt different from my peers. Around that point we began living with my Chinese grandfather towards the end of his life. He was so traditional and deeply set in his ways. I felt like I couldn’t cut my hair or dress how I wanted because I was afraid to upset him and have our last memories of each other be ruined.

Genetics are not in my favor for growing a lumberjack-style beard. Sometimes, Chinese faces are seen as “soft” with less defined jaw lines and a lack of facial fair. I worry that some of my feminine features like my “soft face” will make it hard to present as a masculine man, which is how I see myself. Instead, when people meet me for the first time, I’m often read as an effeminate man.

My voice has started cracking and becoming lower. Recently, I’ve been noticing the difference between being perceived as a woman versus being perceived as a man. I’ve been wondering how I can strike the right balance between remembering how it feels to be silenced and talked over with the privileges that come along with being perceived as a man. Now, when I lead meetings, I purposefully create pauses and moments where I try to draw others into the conversation and make space for everyone to contribute and ask questions.

People now assume I have logic, advice and seniority. They look at me and assume I know the answer, even when I don’t. I’ve been in meetings where everyone else in the room was a woman and more senior, yet I still got asked, “Alex, what do you think? We thought you would know.” I was at an all-team meeting with 40 people, and I was recognized by name for my team’s accomplishments. Whereas next to me, there was another successful team led by a woman, but she was never mentioned by name. I went up to her afterward and said, “Wow, that was not cool; your team actually did more than my team.” The stark difference made me feel uncomfortable and brought back feelings of when I had been in the same boat and not been given credit for my work.

When people thought I was a woman, they often gave me vague or roundabout answers when I asked a question. I’ve even had someone tell me, “If you just Googled it, you would know.” But now that I’m read as a man, I’ve found people give me direct and clear answers, even if it means they have to do some research on their own before getting back to me.

A part of me regrets not sharing with my grandfather who I truly am before he passed away. I wonder how our relationship might have been different if he had known this one piece about me and had still accepted me as his grandson. Traditionally, Chinese culture sees men as more valuable than women. Before, I was the youngest granddaughter, so the least important. Now, I’m the oldest grandson. I think about how he might have had different expectations or tried to instill certain traditional Chinese principles upon me more deeply, such as caring more about my grades or taking care of my siblings and elders. Though he never viewed me as a man, I ended up doing these things anyway.

Zander Keig contributed to this article in his personal capacity. The opinions expressed in this are the author’s own and do not reflect the view of the Department of Defense.

--------

Old story worth a repost SOURCE

[aeondeug]

BLEACH for the ask meme!

Apologies for getting to this so late! Just kind of got hit by life. Anyway...

My favorite parent-child relationship - Ichigo and Isshin. This is like. It’s one of my favorite parent-child relationships in fiction in general? Because like. It’s a sincerely good one. Like Isshin is just Actually A Good Dad. He and Ichigo clash at times, but like the relationship isn’t like toxic or anything. Isshin’s just actually a good dad and I don’t hate him. 10/10, Kurosaki Isshin is the only valid dad.

My favorite sibling relationship - Yoruichi and Yushiro. We don’t get to see very much of this one sadly but what we do get to see of it is very sweet. He’s just so fond and admiring of her and is so hype to try out new things. ...but he is bad at sarcasm. ...and also he flies off the handle and worries her. But at the same time it’s like...He’s your little brother, Yoruichi. What the hell did you think he was going to do? Really. You can tell they’re related.

My favorite family relationship (other) - Chad and his abuelo. We don’t get very much of this relationship. It’s basically just a few things mentioned by Chad at times. But you can feel the love and respect Chad has for him. And even if we never meet the man himself, we can get a sense of what kind of man his abuelo was through the kind of man Chad is. Also like. As someone who lives in America and is Mexican...I am used to like Mexican men being presented as nothing but like these overly violent and abusive machismo obsessed monsters. So seeing a gentle, loving Mexican man teach his grandson be gentle and loving but still able to defend those in need...That means a lot to me.

My favorite friendship between two people - Urahara and Yoruichi. Though I suppose they also could be like A Ship but like. They’re good friends. And while I have fucking THOUGHTS on how Yoruichi’s arc concludes. I do like like the kind of friendship they’ve got going. He doesn’t treat her like some sort of immortal god emperor. She’s just Yoruichi-san. He is kind of a bastard and teases her even! But he doesn’t hold her down in one spot and he treats her like a person. Which, given the kind of life Yoruichi was born into, is what she needs. That, I think, is a big part of why I am so pissed at how her arc concludes. As it feels like a violation of what makes their friendship meaningful.

My favorite friendship between a group - The Mean Girls Squad. I was not expecting to like Bambi and co as much as I did but like. They’re just a fun bunch? They have a very nice dynamic. Each of them is distinct enough and they have a very distinct sort of dynamic with one another. Also it feels fittingly like a group of girls who are friends, honestly. With things like calling one another stupid bitches and sluts.

My favorite mentorship - Yoruichi and Soifon. Which is not surprising. In the slightest. It’s like your classic S story but it’s murder ninjas. One of them is a cranky bee themed horror, the other is a princess that turns into a cat... But like I’ve talked about that a lot so we’ll give a runner up in Urahara and Ichigo. This one I like in part because of how different it is a mentor-student relationship. Enough so that I didn’t entirely ping onto it being the case for a bit because I’m kind of dumb that way. But like...It is one. It’s just an odd one. One that’s not based around specific formalities. It’s one based around breaking rules. Finding ways to break those rules. Existing outside but understanding the inside. Urahara is like...A Zen master. His teaching style is odd. It stands against the norm and some may even say it is in contempt of said norm! But that is part of why Ichigo is able to reach the heights he is. It’s part of why he is able to understand the core of what being a Soul Reaper is. Because Urahara created weird ass unorthodox teaching methods that pointed directly at the problem.

My favorite rivalry - Ichigo and Grimmjow. This I think is like...the first I’ve ever talked about Grimmjow, really? He is not like my favorite, favorite but like. I do like the sort of just raw, brutal “I want to beat you into the fucking ground and kill you” thing going on between him and Ichigo. It’s not sophisticated. It’s not complicated. It’s just two buff sword boys being like “Oh I wanna kick your ass. You’re strong.” And there’s just something appealing about that purity.

My favorite hatred/antipathy - Soifon’s 100 hate boner for Yoruichi. Because it’s just...Part of what is great about it is that it is a hatred born out of love. She never really stopped loving and adoring Yoruichi. But she’s hurt and she didn’t have a chance to get over that so she’s just resentful for years. Resentful enough that she does put a sincere effort into killing Yoruichi. Had she not tried to pull out shunko and then get dunked on she may well have done it. And that probably would have broken her. At the least she could not survive the narrative having succeeded in her vengeance. She’d end up like Komamura or Gin. In the dirt. Gin’s hatred for Aizen is a very close runner up though because like... Gin was playing the long game there and he kept up the act super well. And part of what I love about said long game is like what role this played narratively for the readers. Gin is so obviously sketchy that you are drawn to him immediately. It distracts you from Aizen and then his obviously sketchiness distracts you from the fact that he is not actually fond of Aizen. It distracts you from the fact that he means to kill this bitch and has meant to for ages. He is such a clever sneak. Such a spiteful one. In a better world Gin would live.

My favorite potential relationship between characters who never talk in canon - I have constructed an entire goofy ass dynamic between Orihime and Soifon as friends. Which initially started as like a knowing that I needed Soifon to get friends SOMEWHERE and also needing to have like someone who could help her with her weird Yoruichi issues. And the question was. Who. Who out of the cast could possibly provide Soifon with advice. Who on earth could handle a pissed off and depressed Soifon? There is only one option and it is the woman who is so very much sunshine incarnate that the personification of nihilism couldn’t stand against her. Soifon can be bitchy all she wants but she cannot beat Orihime. She will fall to her as all do. And because Soifon respects strength, she will respect Orihime for that. Also I just like imagining Ichigo only learning about this when Soifon stops by their home one day unannounced and he just opens the door to a very angry wasp woman.

[amelink66world]

Love of my Life

Hey guys!! This is the sixth part. Enjoyyy💞

Doughnuts

The ride back to the hotel was deathly silent. For a highly chatty person like Amelia who held her emotions on her sleeve was eerily quiet. She was not even glancing towards Link!! She just kept looking out the window. Link's worry was growing by the second. Those bitches broke her! How are they even her sisters? They don't even know who the real Amelia is! Tonight was not supposed to be like this. Say something Amelia! Anything. Just say something. I can't see you like this ! She looks so vulnerable. Plchh

Link could not hold it in any longer. He looked at her for a long time before speaking, " Are you okay? "

He was met with silence. He slightly leaned towards her to gauge her reaction but, nothing. I told her not to go! She didn't listen to me.

He made matters worse by saying a bit sarcastically, " I said we shouldn't go "

That seemed to crack her. She replied icily, " I said we shouldn't stay ".

Why is she yelling at me? Is she trying to blame me? What did I do?!

" Wow. So your sisters are terrorists but suddenly I'm your problem?? ", he said with a hint of hurt in his voice.

Amelia was feeling betrayed. Dejected. Humiliated. Ashamed. No scratch that. Not ashamed. She didn't have to feel ashamed for anything! Agitated. Enraged. Angry! She just needed to be with herself for sometime but Link didn't seem to stop talking. She obviously understand that he's worried about her about she just needs to be alone!

Link could related to her frustration and tried to console her in the best way he could. " Look, everything was going fine until your mom arrived and called us in on our bluff. And, I know it got a little rough...". She interrupts him, " A little rough? Are you serious Link? It was a lifetime of humiliating mistakes and dirty laundry on display. Do you know how embarrassing that is?! "

Trying to diss the situation and make her understand that his feelings for her does not depend on her past, he smiles, " I don't care about your laundry."

Nobody has ever said that. How can he not care about my wild past? Of course he does. How can he not? I'm incapable of love. I can't take down Link with me. He deserves someone much much better. To push him away from her, she deliberately hurts him. "Yeah. BUT I CARE!! You were my pain management. My human blue light, mood enhancing when placed over my body and now you know too much!! And I'm...uh.. I can't." I am so sorry I said that Link. But I had to do it. I don't want you to develop feelings for me.

Her words go piercing straight through his heart. They bring tears to his eyes but he doesn't let them flow. He swiftly turns his head in obvious indignation and hurt. Does she really only think of me in that way? Am I nothing more to her? The way she smiled at me and the gleam in her eyes were only for the sex that I was giving her? She's hurt, I understand. But I can't. Nope. I can't anymore. I have to let her go.

They ride in silence after that. Suddenly both of their phone start beeping. " Jonah's in respiratory distress. We need to leave for the hospital now."

Amelia instructs te cab driver, " Could you take us to the Fox Medical Center as fast as you can please? We're in a hurry! " Link was surprised at her complete change in demeanor.

They realised on examining Jonah that the surgery didn't work had to perform another surgery to replace to rod they placed. But the patient didn't want that. He was actively denying the surgery which would not in the least improve his quality of life. Amelia then suggested a vertebral column resection surgery. Link was flabbergasted!! She should've discussed it with me first before suggesting such a high-risk surgery.

                She explained the procedure and the patient seemed convinced with her idea. Link quickly recited the notable risks of the surgery but seeing Amelia's confidence, the patient went with it.

They had a blow out in the scrub room where Link was thinking that Amelia is not okay and doing this surgery only to prove a point to her bitchy sisters!

Link was really concerned about her. She was not acting okay. She finally convinced him and the surgery was a success. But Jonah still hadn't woken up even after 10 hours of the surgery. They did hourly checks on him but still nothing! They were really getting worried.

             He finally woke up with no neurological deficits. They just performed a medical miracle and gave a teenager his life back. Amelia was on an adrenaline high. He was elated. I'm so thankful to God. Their opinions don't matter to me. They don't define who I am and they certainly don't get to question my surgical skills. Hah! Booyah Kathleen. In your face!

On their way out the hospital, Amelia was aware how poorly she had treated the man right next to her who always stood by her side. Even when she acted irrationally, he never left her side. She was highly repentant. He didn't deserve such a treatment. To redeem herself, shewanted to spend some time with him out the walls of this hospital so as to make it up to him.

" Thank you Link for uhh... thank you ", she said timidly.

"You were brave and it paid off ", he smiled down at her. How can he even manage to smile at me after all the horrible things I said to him?!

" Do you want to go somewhere to eat? I know a great Mexican place here ", she  desperately hoped he'd say yes. But he looked away guiltily and unintentionally crushed her hopes. Of course he doesn't want to spend time with me. It was so stupid of me to think... I don't deserve this fine man. I'll only sabotage him. Forget it.

At her offer, Link stood there silently for a few seconds just looking at her. I know she feels sorry but I can't spend anymore time with her like that. We need to act professionally. She's my colleague and nothing else. I need to curb my feelings. She made it very clear that I was just a human blue light for her. She doesn't need emotional baggage and I'm incapable of giving that to her. I have to let her go. And I'm hurt too! I understood how she needed to vent out her feelings but not like that!

He softly denied her offer, " No, uh, I need to walk. I'll see you on the plane ", subtly indicating that he needed some alone time. Link then left the hospital in a pretty gloomy mood.

Amelia couldn't stop the dejected look from crossing her face. She wanted to clear out the misunderstandings between them and didn't want him to feel horrible for the way she acted.

Amelia also wanted to make things right with her sisters. She was at fault to some degree for never telling them about anything. They deserved to know about her brain tumor and her divorce, even if they didn't bother attending my wedding, provided they don't pass snarky comments. She reached out to Nancy because she was the most forgiving sister. She knew she had a morning shift in the hospital so she texted her. Are you in the hospital? The reply was quick. NO. Of course. How typical!

She was turning to leave when " Hey kiddo! " rang through the halls of the hospital. She focused on the owner of the voice. " MOM ?! What are you doing here? " Amelia was shocked. The last person she expected to see here was her mother!

" Do you have a minute? Cam we go somewhere and um...talk? ", Mama Shepherd looked hopeful. She missed her youngest daughter.

They were sitting on a park bench. There was some awkward silence. Both scrambling for words. No one knew where to start, it had been so long.YEARS.

Carolyn asked about her divorce with Owen. Amelia told her but nothing in detail. " It just...didn't work out." Immediately after that she asked, " Do you think I'm incapable of love? That I sabotage relationships? I don't know how to love?", she said with a breaking voice. Carolyn's heart broke for her. What prompted her to think like that? I just know it in my heart that that military man, Owen said that to her. I just knew he had some problem when I first met him.

Mama Shepherd felt protective of her daughter. Amelia didn't deserve to think like that. Oh I'll strangle that man the next time I see him!! That asshole!

Carolyn thought of a way to make her realise her self-worth. She told her about a childhood story about her tendency to never give up and not being afraid of failures. That was the quality of hers that out of all the Shepherd children made her the most like her father. She was trying to keep her tears at bay by the end of the story. Amelia sharply looked at her mother on her revelation. If there was one man in the whole world whom she loved most apart from her brother, it was her father. Amelia felt this searing love for her mother when she compared her to her father. That was the reason why she pushed Amelia away from her. She reminded her of her husband. She was the spitting image of Papa Shepherd and she could not even bring herself to look at her own daughter!

She shifted closer to her and apologized for not being there for her when she most needed her mother in the walks of life. To make sense out of life. How to cope with loss. She was never there. That was her biggest regret! She would never be able to forgive herself for that. She said, " I would like to change myself now. I wat to rectify my mistake and be there for you if you'll let me. Do you allow me to be in your life more? ", she was on the brink of tears and hopefully asked her.

         Amelia could not fathom the sudden turn of events. She sympathized with her mother and hugged her tightly. Carolyn then apologized for missing her wedding and how things never go well with the sisters. Most of all for not being there for her brain tumor. She started crying harder after saying this but then laughed at the irony of the situation.

Amelia then told her about Leo and Betty and the troubles that they brought with them with Betty being a drug addict. She finally now realizes how hard it must've been for Carolyn to take care of her. She was ten times more troublesome. She apologized for putting her mother through a lot.

Carolyn then gave her a last parting advice, " If you don't think you're worthy of love, if you don't think your love is valuable, you're wrong. And that's on me. I wasn't there for you when you most needed me so put that on me and move forward."

" What if I can't? "

" Well, then that's on you." Her mother looked in her eyes to make her realise that she was wrong to think like that. " Now go and apologize to that young man. Atticus Lincoln. Such a fine name and he calls himself Link." Both of them were laughing hysterically. " Don't let him go. I saw the way he looked at you and stood up for you. Now that is a man to hold on to. He passed the Mom Test." She waved her hand, " Now go and make things right. Tell him I say hello. And kiddo, please keep in touch." They embraced tightly for a few more minutes and went their separate ways.

Amelia now had a clear train of thought and knew what she  needed to do. She needed to make thi gs right with Link. She finally knew what she wanted. Or rather...WHO she wanted. She hurriedly went to the hotel only to find Link long gone. She took a shower, checked out and quickly went to the famous doughnut place Link told her about. Gotham Doughnuts. Huh, suits his personality since he clearly is a big fan of superheroes. She ordered several of those glazed doughnuts Link loved. She wanted to look at the surprise on his face.

She entered the private jet timidly. He was obviously watching a baseball game. How typical of him. She silently chuckled. She kept the box of doughnuts in his line of vision. She stood before him waiting to be noticed. He was not happy. He was sad. And angry? He looked up at her with an expression lacking the adoration he usually possessed. I can't bear HIM looking at me like that!

" You were kind and you were brave last night too with my family and in that surgery too. You didn't have to do that with me", she spoke softly. He kept his tablet aside and intently looked at her. She then sincerely spoke, " But you stood by me through all of that. You are...surprising to me." Link looked at her with a glimmer of hope in his eyes in beating her words. Maybe there's a chance for us after all?

" You deserve a lot better than the things that I said to you. You are more than a human blue light. Though...you are very, veryyy good at blue lighting." Link's heart swell with pride. Huh. Is that so? There was a small smile tugging at his lips but he quickly recovered. " I'm sorry. It was not my intention to hurt you in any way. I would like to make it up to you if you'll let me? ", she said with hopegmful eyes.

Link was just staring at her with hooded eyes. She was unable to read his expression. Suddenly he picked up the box of doughnuts and kept in on his lap. He then tapped the seat beside him silently asking her to sit next to him with a radiant smile on his face. She pouted slightly and looked at him opening the box. She was smiling widely looking at his astonished expression.

How can I not forgive her? She looks so innocent and cute timidly standing like that. And she brought my favourite doughnuts!! Ah she remembered!! Man I love this woman. Wait, not like thaaat. Hehe...It's too damn early for that.

He licked up on doughnut and put the whole thing in his mouth in one go. Amelia was laughing with her mouth wide open. He's just a small child when it comes to food. He strangely reminds me of Alex. Both are pigs when it comes to food. She laughed at her thoughts and quickly shook her head.

Link hummed his approval at the taste and offered her a doughnut urging her to eat the whole damn thing like him in a single shot. She looked at him with determination and opened her mouth. It was freaking too big for her mouth! She applied pressure on both the sides to make it smaller and pushed it inside her mouth but it was of no use. She had a very small mouth and it couldn't go any further!

Link was laughing hysterically looking at her antics. His laugh prompted her laugh which made it all the more difficult to eat the whole thing. Both of their mouths were filled when they tried to talk which made them laugh harder. Link picked up another doughnut but this time Amelia snatched it from his hands. He looked at her with mock betrayal but when she divided it into two pieces so that it would be easier for her to eat and offered the other piece to him, he smiled petulantly.

With a muffled voice he said, " Yeah you can eat like that too", making her laugh. They continued feasting on the doughnuts until they were completely sated.

" Thank you so much Amelia." She smiled and noticed that he had some crumbs on the corner of his mouth and pointed them out to him. She leaned a bit and brushed those crumbs with her hand. He was smiling a toothy grin and brushed the crumbs on her mouth with his finger. Both were laughing permanently shoving the fight they had at the back of their minds.

They still had their hands on each other's faces. Their smile died down and subconsciously they were inching closer. Link wanted to give Amelia the total control of the situation and waited for her to take the next move. Amelia noticed his eyes growing darker and looked down at his lips. He just looked at her waiting for her to do something. The anticipation was killing her.

         She quickly leaned down and captured his lips with hers. She wrapped one hand around his neck and held his face with the other to deepen the kiss. He wrapped his fingers in her hair to push his tongue inside her mouth. He always loved her short and silky hair. Their tongues were battling for dominance. They made out for several more minutes until Link broke the kiss and rested his forehead on hers. She caught their breaths for a few seconds until Link pulled her in for a hug. He whispered in her ear, " I missed you. And I'm sorry."

Amelia tightened the hug on beating those words and hummed, " I missed you too." They pulled out from each other's arms and were beaming.

Link then wrapped his right hand around her shoulder and Amelia laid her head on the bridge of his neck and shoulder. They laid there in peaceful silence and content.

    Suddenly Link's muscles tense and he starts fidgeting. Amelia waited patiently for him to speak his mind. Impatiently she blurts, " Out with it, Link! "

Link's eyes widen and he nods furiously, " Ok, Ok. "

" Sooo, you had a brain tumor? ", he asks with wide, worried eyes. Amelia starts laughing. Why is everybody so focused on the brain tumor topic. It's not that important, she shrugs. Amelia doesn't realise how stupid that sounds.

" Yeah I did", she chuckles. " I had a 10 centimeter benign Grade - 1 meningioma".

" TEN??!! YOU HAD A TEN CENTIMETER TUMOR IN YOJR BRAIN?! And you're behaving as if it was not that big a deal??!! ", Link shouts incredulously. Hus eyes are wide and astonished.

" Liinkkk, relax! ", she laughs again. " The tumor had been growing for ten years and then I called Tom at the time. He was my teacher. He completely removed my tumor. Sooo, not a biiig deal. "

Link didn't understand her calmness. He always hot a bit nervous when he talked about his own cancer. But here she was, as calm as the sea. I just don't understand this woman sometimes. He shook his head a d chuckled.

Link tightened his arm around her shoulders and brought her body closer to his. He buried his nose in her hair. " I'm so glad you're okay ", he said sincerely.

Amelia wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her head in his neck. He ways made her vulnerable. He had the ability to make her feel all the feelings. " Me too. I'm happy I turned out okay and not gorked. Yayy, I'm not a vegetable." The mood was suddenly lightened and both of them laughed.

" I met my mother before coming to the airport. We had a heart-to-heart. I'm glad that she approached me. It strangely cleared my head. I really needed that." She looked up at his eyes with a weird kind of hope which Link could not comprehend. He was pretty sure he had a different kind of a gleam in his eye when he looked her in the eyes.

They were content in each other's arms throughout the flight. They took a nap blissfully holding each other. Amelia came out of the airport a completely new person, her arms linked with Link's. They kissed softly , hugged and went their separate ways for the day with wide grins on their faces, silently agreeing to meet at the coffee cart or the on-call room the next day. They were thrilled for this new adventure.

Amelia couldn't wait to tell her ' original sisters ' everything about the trip as soon as she reached home. She just wanted to hug her sisters and her nieces and  nephew to call it a day. Finally something good came out of the trip, one the surgery couldn't have gone better, second her relationship with her mother at last was not bitter and they were on better terms. Lastly, she finally knew where her relationship with Link headed!!

Author's Note:

Heyy guysss!! Sorry it took me a while to update. I had certain health issues. Anyway, how was this chapter? I didn't concentrate much on the surgery part and only on the AmeLink part because, who am I kidding? It's an AmeLink fanfiction!!😂

I enjoyed writing this chapter. It would've been really good for the story had the makers included more of the plane scenes at the end of the episode. Don't forget to comment! I'll update soon. Until then.

[ffamranxii]

Okay folks, I am all caught up with Tokyo Mew Mew Au Lait chapters 1-3 and Tokyo Mew Mew 2020 Re-Turn chapters 1 and 2 so I am Doing A Thing! Buckle up, bitches!

MASSIVE SPOILERS IF YOU’RE WAITING FOR THE OFFICIAL ENGLISH RELEASES (whenever the hell those will be). Thanks to @berrychanx​, @hikayagami​, and @ribbonstrawberrysurprise​ for the scans, English translation, and hard work putting the translation onto the manga so neatly.

LEADERS

MOMOMIYA ICHIGO AND SHIBUYA AOI

Honestly this is the biggest difference between the 2020 Re-Turn reboot/original series and the magical boy tribute. Aoi is in no way like Ichigo once you get past that they’ve both been injected with Iriomote cat DNA. Whereas Ichigo is cheery and bubbly and cute, Aoi is withdrawn, suffers from low self confidence, and sort of breaks the fourth wall during nearly every fight, freaking out at how catchphrases and such just seem to burst forth from him after he transforms. (It’s honestly a funny highlight.) Their respective crushes are also treated differently, with Aoi falling hard for Anzu (though of course saying nothing) almost immediately, almost a love at first sight sort of deal, and Ichigo already having this crush on this boy when we start vanilla TMM and already deeply committed to him in the reboot. In civilian form, (using vanilla Ichigo here, it’s not fair to compare Aoi to 2020 “been a magical girl for years” Ichigo), Aoi is a lot more unsure of himself, and seems almost to be in this Mew Mew thing for Anzu, whereas Ichigo immediately had a “I’ll do my best” acceptance mindset from the start. (Both freak out over their cat ears appearing at random moments, even Ichigo in the 2020 reboot, and I think I can finally give poor Aoi a point over Ichigo here. It makes him uncomfortable but he just wears a hoodie and hopes no one notices. It makes Ichigo freak out more lol.)

THE LOVE INTEREST / DUNGEON NAVI / SECONDARY PROTAGONIST

AOYAMA MASAYA, HINATA ANZU, SHIROGANE RYOU

Anzu is a precious peach and she occupies such a weird role here that I almost couldn’t make her a neat little graphic. She doesn’t fit neatly into a “oh, they’re a genderbent so and so” like nearly everyone else, and it’s fascinating. On the one hand, several panels in the first chapter of Au Lait make it clear that the writers are setting her up to be Aoi’s love interest. Every magical girl anime has a love interest, so why wouldn’t a magical boy manga? But that’s where she diverges. Unlike Masaya, who is a very clear tribute to Sailor Moon’s Tuxedo Mask (with the exception that he’s a cute bean as a civilian, he’s nearly the same person. No past, gets kidnapped, magical form to protect the magical girl, evil form to fight the magical girl [this happened in PGSM, and he’s been brainwashed several times]), who has always been a secondary character, Anzu actually starts the Au Lait manga. She wasn’t even featured on the promo images, so when I opened the first chapter in a zip file I thought I’d downloaded the wrong one. My rudimentary Japanese confirmed I hadn’t, but I was like “well who tf is this chick?” I waited for an English translation to be sure and yup - Anzu is being treated almost like a secondary protagonist. Well that’s new. It’s as if the Au Lait writers smashed together the characters of Ryou and Masaya and named their love child Hinata Anzu. She’s intelligent, she knows more about this project than she should, and, like Ryou in vanilla, she’s out and about and helping the boys, not just as a civilian, but in every battle. She doesn’t have powers (that we know of), but her smarts and knowledge of animals have served them well time and again. Au Lait seems more like, as one reader put it, Anzu And The Dork Squad than Aoi’s team. 

Masaya in 2020 Re-Turn is adorable. He is at odds with Quiche over Ichigo (or more like, he dislikes just how much Quiche likes Ichigo), and in a moment of panic he uses his leftover remnants of Deep Blue’s power to... change his clothes. I’m not sure what actually happened there. (Note: Thanks ribbonstrawberrysurprise: Deep Blue manifested to float the chimera anima/train and its passengers to safety.) But I love that he was so concerned for Ichigo, who at that moment desperately needed help, that the being who created his body and didn’t like Ichigo wanted to protect her. Ryou was his standoffish self, but even he seemed to have a hint of a lingering crush. He organized a party for the Mews and then took over in cafe duties so Ichigo could meet her man at the airport, unable to quiiiiite meet her eye while saying so. I always did like Ryou/Ichigo.

THE SASSY RICH BITCH

AIZAWA MINTO AND YOYOGI SHIZUKA

First of all: SAILOR JUPITER TAUGHT ME THAT PINK EQUALS FLOWER HURRICANES AND CAN I JUST SAY THAT I AM DISAPPOINTED AS FUCK THAT SHIZUKA ISN’T PLANT BASED AND CAN’T DO FLOWER HURRICANES THAT IS ALL.

Admit it. When we saw the promo image, we assumed certain things. One of those things turned out to be true: Aoi would be the Iriomote cat, because of course he would be Ichigo’s counterpart. Shizuka is wearing glasses, and his costume had the little tail, which meant he must have been a fish or a marine mammal and therefore Retasu’s counterpart, right? RIGHT. But also very, very wrong, my friends. Shizuka is indeed water based like Retasu - he’s an Amazon river dolphin (the pink ones!) - and that’s where all his similarities to our gentle green girl end. Instead of making everyone exactly the same but gender flipped, Au Lait is going in a slightly different direction, and I really like it. Shizuka is actually the most similar to our resident princess Minto! They both attend prestigious elite schools and generally act better than everyone else, but the real gem here is their interactions with their leaders. Shizuka has some truly snappy one-liners - such as discovering Ryuusei (”that’s the power of an idiot”) - and his reactions to Aoi are gold. He considers himself a genius, and indeed he’s very intelligent according to Natsume (and his school seems to be for smart people, it’s not prestigious for music or anything like that), and he makes little quips at Aoi all the time about how Aoi isn’t. I could totally see him spending an entire shift reading a book at Cafe Mew Mew while Aoi does all the work, only for him to stand up and someone to scream “HOLY CRAP, SHIZUKA’S UP, SHIT’S ABOUT TO GO DOWN.” 

Minto is also full of snappy quips at Ichigo in the reboot, mostly about how Ichigo should handle the biggest, strongest enemies since she’s the leader, and can’t Ichigo even keep them in place so Minto can shoot them down? (And yeah, someone totally said the above comment ^ when Minto stood up at Cafe Mew Mew.) Minto was always one of my favorite characters, and I love that we saw a lot of close ups of her in the reboot, and that she seemed to be second in command.

THE CHILD

FONG PURIN AND KANDA RYUUSEI

Oh my god these two. I refuse to believe they aren’t related. I know Purin is Chinese but you cannot take this headcanon from me. 

Purin is my favorite character in OG Mew Mew and Ryuusei claimed my heart the second I saw the Au Lait promo. NEITHER OF THEM DISAPPOINTED ME, I AM SO IN LOVE.

While I WILL say that I in no way care for Mew Pudding’s redesign (I hate literally everything about it. I miss her jumpsuit. I hate the little pigtails at the top of her head. I hate the ribbon. At least she still has her fingerless gloves), I love that she got an entire panel of just her being badass. She stood in the middle of some train tracks, facing a runaway speeding train chimera anima, with that ^ fucking look on her face, and was like “where you going, na no da?” Purin from like, ten years ago wouldn’t have done that. She has matured so much, but she’s still the young, goofy little acrobat monkey who provides for her tea-themed siblings (who criminally do not make an appearance) and I just love her so fucking much, you guys.

RYUUSEI. Guys. He’s an idiot. Oh my god. He’s a cute lovable idiot. “What’s a gomodo dragon? What’s a kodomo dragon? What’s a condo dragon and why does it need a house?” Anzu was in love with him for like five seconds until she learned he’s a dumbass, and Aoi was jealous as fuck, and no one ever told him what his damn animal was, and I laughed my ass off through his entire last couple pages. He also had his jacket hand embroidered with the kanji for dragon, BUT IT’S MISSPELLED. It’s missing a stroke! XD 

Ryuusei is the KOMODO dragon (which is Anzu’s favorite animal), and komodos are badass. He also either always had weird animal powers, or just never noticed that he suddenly got super smell. Komodo dragons, by the way, can track their prey for literally MILES by smell alone, for DAYS. It’s absolutely terrifying (thank you for the nightmares, Wild Thornberries), and Au Lait made it fucking comical. I can’t even. HE CAN SMELL THE RED DATA ANIMAL ON PEOPLE. I love it. He’s super strong and super cute, apparently lives with his grandparents, and is Purin’s counterpart in every single way, except I think SHE might be more mature than him. I love him. He is my baby. 

Yellow is my favorite color and yellow never disappoints. 

THE FAMOUS

FUJIWARA ZAKURO AND ROPPONGI AYATO

Zakuro had next to no presence in the reboot. She occasionally made some panels look pretty. She twice had a half page to herself, one per chapter. I am sad. I love my wolf lesbian. In semi-related news, I feel I have solved the mystery of Zakuro’s red data animal, something that has plagued the TMM community for years. The grey wolf is not endangered at all, yet Zakuro is injected with one, right? I read somewhere (either in a TMM blog or a conservation blog) that there is a subspecies of grey wolf that IS critically endangered. I believe it’s the Mexican grey wolf? I headcanon she was injected with DNA specifically from a Mexican grey wolf. 

Moving on. In Chapter 3 (which was a DELIGHT), we met Ayato. Chapter 3 was the most frustrating chapter because let me tell you, Au Lait marks the first time I have ever read a manga chapter by chapter as it was being released in Japan. So I’m waiting Nakayoshi to publish the chapter, then I’m waiting for someone to scan Nakayoshi, then I’m waiting for someone to translate it, over and over and over, and omg I can’t believe this is what people DO. I’ve waited for full volumes before, but CHAPTERS? This is torture. Ayato, I haven’t had enough TIME with you!

Ayato seems to be an actor (in a really... really weird stage play), and has very few lines in his first appearance. I’m not sure what I make of him. He says about six sentences, which is actually a lot for a character introduced on a cliffhanger, but... I can’t decide if he’s said them in a mysterious Sailors Neptune and Uranus way or a flamboyant Sohma Ayame way. I ALSO DON’T KNOW WHAT ANIMAL HE IS AND I AM VERY ANGRY. BB Ryuusei said he smells like yakitori (a type of grilled chicken), which confirms he’s a bird. But. WHICH BIRD, DAMNIT? 

CHAPTER FOUR WHERE ARE YOU?

THE FUNDING

AKASAKA KEIICHIRO, HINATA NATSUME, SHIROGANE RYOU

Hello again, Ryou! The boys here were wallpaper (though cute wallpaper) in the reboot. Natsume is 100% a troll. I love her. She admits in chapter 3 she literally just injected hot boys for her Mew Mew project. Even Ryou wasn’t that blunt. I mean, if you gotta save Earth and stare at people while you do it, they better be cute, right?

IF FOUND, PLEASE CALL THE FANDOM

MIDORIKAWA RETASU, SHIRAYUKI BERII, AKAI RINGO

Aside from her two half panels as a Mew Mew per chapter, this is the only good cap of Retasu as a civilian in the reboot. D: I believe Hiroo Taichi will be her counterpart in Au Lait.

I never liked Berii. There, I said it. She got TWO animals. She was some random newbie and she got to be leader just like that? And she was clueless and dumb and the writing in A La Mode wasn’t great. But I really like 2020 Berii. She’s cute, she seems more rabbit than cat, and she seems more intelligent and less of a blonde Ichigo clone. I don’t know if she’ll have an Au Lait counterpart.

WHERE IS RINGO? THE REBOOT WAS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO PUT HER IN THE STORY FOR REAL AND SHE JUST... WASN’T THERE?! THIS IS BLASPHEMY. RINGO IS THE BEST MEW MEW. BEST GIRL. JUSTICE FOR RINGO.

THE RELATIONSHIPS

MASAYA & ICHIGO VS AOI & ANZU

ZAKURO & MINTO VS AYATO & RYUUSEI

Nearly all of 2020 chapter 1 focused on Ichigo seeing Masaya again. I’m guessing this took place after he left for London. Ichigo left with him after A La Mode, and some time between then and Re-Turn came back to Japan, and now Masaya is back. They are still as lovey as ever, but not as sickeningly cute as Tsukino Usagi and Chiba Mamoru or anything. Phew! Their counterpart in Au Lait seems to Aoi and Anzu. (Look at that height difference! Poor Anzu, her poor neck.) Aoi already has a massive crush on her, but Anzu, bless her, is oblivious.

AND NOW FOR THE GAYS.

I think Zakuro and Minto is probably one of the most popular TMM ships and holy lesbians, Batman, they were well fed with this GORGEOUS panel at the end of chapter 2. Look at it. Zakuro had literally no panels, save for her two intros, to herself, and barely any panels at all in the reboot, and then BA-BAM, this beautiful ending shot. I swear Ikumi did it on purpose. Speaking of gays - is Ayato/Ryuusei the new Zakuro/Minto? Ayato seems to be at least bisexual (he also hit on Anzu), but this was literally his second panel. He is in a (terrible, TERRIBLE) play, and the actors are walking in the audience looking for the villain. Ayato walks into the audience and HITS ON RYUUSEI. His first goddamn words are “Do you want me to keep you, my cute little puppy?” to Ryuusei. He says fuck this acting shit, I see a SNACK. I think I ship it. I think I ship it hard.

THE STORY

*Au Lait is just getting started, so typical magical girl boy anime manga: Let’s find the others! Shenanigans! Some fillers! It’s cute, I love it, go read it.

*2020 Re-Turn is actually REALLY GOOD and chapter 2 reminds me of just how unique Tokyo Mew Mew was and still is among not just magical girl series, but animanga as a whole. Quick, what was the last environmental series you remember? Mine was Captain Planet - in the 90s. Preachy, in your face, after school special about things like pollution and endangered species and littering and honestly it was really cool, but very much a product of its time. Even now, magical girl animanga is still focused on bad guys, but bad guys are generic and represent something created for the series. Here, the bad guys are US, other human beings, who traffic animals, who endanger them, who wreck our planet enough that animals are barely clinging to life. There’s a very poignant scene featuring the adorable snow leopard up there (who’s the secondary protagonist of the reboot) ^, showing his mother being shot and himself being snatched by poachers, and he’s terrified, and has no idea what’s going on or where he is, and Ichigo is terrified for him. We need more series like this - not just of the magical girl genre, but of ALL genres. To make it accessible in this way, for people of all ages, something enjoyable, that people can fangirl over and love and its creators clearly put a lot of love and thought into. We need another Captain Planet, but less preachy, less after school special-y. We don’t want to be like the aliens (who remember, are descendants of humans who fucked up Earth so badly they had to leave it). 

Behind all the cute of this manga and its reboot, and its new spinoff, Tokyo Mew Mew has a powerful message that we should all be following. It’s not even subtle. Get yo shit together, peeps. 

[stevensavage]

Creative Paths And Conspiracy

(This column is posted at www.StevenSavage.com and Steve's Tumblr.  Find out more at my newsletter.)

Last post, I stated that conspiracy theories are creative acts, even if they have malicious or pathological motivation. It's essential to realize this because seeing them as such helps us identify and counter them. In this post, I'd like to digress on a bit of history because this will let us look at a useful diagnostic tool.

I had followed conspiracy theories for decades, first out of an interest in the paranormal, then to understand politics and the human condition. From 2015 onward, it became necessary for sheer survival in chaotic times. Over the years, I began to see Conspiracy theories fit specific patterns, and in 2020 I realized the patterns fit my Five Forms of Creativity.

My Five Forms of creativity were a system I'd made to classify the different ways people create. The Five Forms were a tool derived from my work on Seventh Sanctum and had proven useful professionally. I wrote them up in their own book, The Power of Creative Paths, and they appear again in Chance's Muse.

Seeing conspiracy theories slot into this simple system confirmed to me that there was a vital element of creativity in conspiracy thinking.  It also meant analyzing them as such might provide useful insights. This column is a dignified brain-dump of my attempts to do that.

I realize that this is dangerously close to me having a corkboard with random articles connected by red string. I am staying aware of that, and as I've noted, the Five Forms are just a tool for classifying messy reality. But any skepticism isn't merely acknowledged; it's appreciated.

So let's get to the theory.

THE FIVE FORMS OF CREATIVITY:

The five forms of creativity I identified are:

The Combiner – Combiners shuffle familiar ideas around in familiar patterns. This is "madlibs creativity" and the opposite of the Fuser.

The Fuser - Merges ideas, blurring lines and creating something new. Fuser creativity spawns stories of "Time-Travelling Art Thieves," and the opposite of the pattern-driven Combiner.

The Expander - Expanders pile ideas on top of each other in wild yet surprisingly stable structures. You'll see this in parodies and life sim games, and it's the opposite of The Reducer.

The Reducer - Reducers streamline ideas, strip them down, and even create new ideas by removing parts of others. Minimalist music like Devo or The White Stripes are good examples. The opposite of The Expander.

The Mapper - Mappers create by symbolism and metaphor, strange and profound-seeming connections and relations spun together. They are a unique form of creativity and have no opposite.  Grant Morrison's run on The Doom Patrol is a good example.

Now, with a system for classifying creativity, I'd like to attempt to explore what forms of conspiracy theorization appear in each form. With that, we may spot such thinking better and analyze the source or whom the source is imitating.

On to the Brain-dump.

COMBINER

Combiner creativity is madlibs, shuffling words into common patterns to create meaning. It's both syntax and semantics, putting various "trigger" words in distinct orders that lead people to interpret things in certain ways.

In the conspiracy theory world, this is the world of headlines and pithy quotes. "Obama attacks heterosexuality with help of UN" is a joke headline where you could easily swap around a few words to have "Hillary attacks freedom with help of Dr. Fauci." Any time pursuing a trash conspiracy news site exposes you to these headlines, as will breathless tweets.

Combiner creativity usually only speaks to those likely to respond to the patterns and the words invoked. If you see Combiner Conspiracy talk, it's talking to the faithful - probably to manipulate them or show affinity. Except for clumsy efforts to fit in, when you see this kind of creativity used for conspiracy talk, it's by someone who knows what they're doing.

Where I've seen it: Years ago when I jokingly said I could make a conspiracy headline generator. That has haunted me since, as all it would take would be a simple Combiner generator.

FUSER

Fuser creativity is when you combine two ideas into one. It's the novelist that creates a book about "Legal Dramas And AI Lawyers." It's the cook that finds harmony between Indian and Mexican cuisine.

When it comes to conspiracy theories, Fuser creativity is the world of "everything is one." This is when UFOs are vehicles of the Illuminati, or every Lawyer is also part of the Church of Satan. Fuser creativity is a stock in trade of conspiracy thought, and you've probably seen it many times.

Fuser creativity with a conspiratorial bent is usually a good sign you're seeing conspiracy thought. Multiple unrelated elements are said to be the facets of one dark gem of evil. A sign of an active conspiracist - a grifter - is when The Latest Thing In The News gets incorporated into being a facet of the conspiracy theory.

This is similar to the Expander approach, but it's not a "pile on." Instead it's "this is one facet we haven't seen before." It's more nuanced in an area often lacking said nuance.

Where I've seen it: Propagandist news and bottom-feeding grifters, always working the story of the day into a larger theory - and not letting it go.

EXPANDER

Expander creativity is the big pile-on of ideas. This is where you start with "fantasy adventure" and soon have a road trip with two wizards, one of which has a drinking problem, going cross-country to . . . you get the idea. Expander creativity is about distinct ideas cramming together to make wild connections - but you can identify them still.

In conspiracy-land this is common, and more so in the internet age. It's what I've heard called "yes, and" conspiracy thought - where you hear a new idea and toss it into your pile of beliefs. Those giant flowcharts on the internet connecting everything are Expander creativity in action.

It's also the "starter" conspiracy style of belief - also easily witnessed on the internet where you can watch ideas get joined together on Twitter or message boards.

Expander creativity in use is usually the sign of someone either believing anything or trying to control a narrative and incorporate other ideas - to "win" or gain allies or avoid cognitive dissonance.

Where I've seen it: For decades, but I've seen a lot more in the internet age.

REDUCER

Reducer creativity is a rarer creative form, and it's often paired with other types to "reign them in." Reducer creatives can take ideas and remove parts or strip them down to their essence. Though it can seem dull, consider the joy of a precise film that's focused like "Versus" or minimalist music.

In the world of conspiracy, the Reducer approach simplifies ideas to justify conspiracy thought. Middlemen get cut out, inconvenient facts "forgotten," degrees of separation less separated. The messiness of the world gets refined outward for a simpler - and wrong- viewpoint.

Reducer creativity takes talent, and in the conspiracy world, it's used by people who know what they're doing. They ignore inconvenient facts and streamline beliefs. They can take complex headlines and create half-facts. When you see this, someone's probably good at this - and grifting.

Where I've seen it:  In the time of Covid I'd watch conspiracists claim relations among people and groups that existed only if you ignored multiple steps. Seeing simplified worldviews - that were wrong - became obvious to me.

MAPPER

FInally, we get to Mappers. These are the creatives of metaphor and symbolism, and rethinking. It's "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou" and the Odyssey, or characters who represent the Seven Deadly Sins, or a book loaded with iconography. It's unusual, mystical -and surprising.

In the conspiracy world, this is the symbol-hunters' creativity, always looking for hidden meanings. They'll become concerned about the color of a star's shoes or that the sign on a pizza restaurant looks Satanic. They'll see connections among the unrelated as they're able to bring symbols and metaphors together to explain the nonexistent.

Mapping creativity doesn't stand out one way or another because it is a standard part of conspiracy thought. I usually see it everywhere - it varies more by degree than anything else. Worries about the symbolism of gold fringe on a flag may seem simple, but it's not much different than finding Moloch in toy advertisements.  

Where I've seen it: Well, everywhere.

CONCLUSIONS

That's my attempt to see if my Forms of Creativity provide a useful way to identify conspiracy theories and thoughts. And honestly, I think there's something there. It's easy to map them, the mappings are distinct, and there's some diagnostic advantage.

Because this maps so well, this strengthens my belief that conspiratorial thinking can be seen as a creative act. It's likely I'll explore this more in the future.

But next, I'd like to discuss motivations and creativity - taking the view that conspiracy thinking is a creative act, it what it means for common motivations.

Steven Savage

www.StevenSavage.com

www.InformoTron.com

[battlingbooks]

book battles: the greatest superpower

the greatest superpower by alex sanchez

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for providing me with a free ebook in exchange for an honest review! This has not affected my review in any way, all opinions are mine.

1.5/5 stars

Jorge Fuerte is about to start high school when his father comes out as a trans woman, flipping Jorge’s life upside down. Now, on top of normal high school things like bullying, a crush, and friend problems, Jorge also has to deal with his parents’ divorce, accepting his dad, and the rift this has caused between him and his twin brother, Caesar. 

IMPORTANT NOTE: Although Norma is a trans woman who uses she/her pronouns, she asks Jorge and Caesar to continue calling her ‘dad.’ Additionally, while I am not a trans woman, I am a nonbinary person of color. I can relate to Norma on certain levels, but want to acknowledge that I do not have her experience and ask that you read reviews by other trans women, particularly trans women of color, for more detailed opinions that trump my own. 

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Mentions of transphobia, deadnaming, misgendering, and racism. 

I had a very hard time writing this review, because ultimately, this is a book that attempts to deal with many many MANY issues, but ends up resolving almost none of them. It left me feeling as though the story wasn’t completely finished, or the author didn’t know how to resolve the situations that had been created. Because of this, I really didn’t know what to say. Or I went back and forth between having too much to say, and risk spoiling the entire book. 

Reading this was difficult. And eventually, I came to this conclusion: this book is a book about a trans woman, written by a cis people, from a cis character’s point of view, for a cis audience. It’s so binary. And there is a genderfluid character but…most of this book sticks so strictly to a gender binary. Even the comic plotline, where there’s a “trans superhero” (I am REALLY tentative about calling the character trans) is so binary. 

The idea that being a woman makes you more open to emotions and willing to work out issues through talking than physical conflict… And that changing depending on what gender the superhero is? It made me personally really uncomfortable, as well kind of sexist. These traits have nothing to do with gender and everything to do with socialization and the society we live in, as well as our own personalities.

And while I believe there is a place for stories like this, about cis kids understanding their trans parents, I do not think this is this book. The amount of misgendering Norma goes through in this book made me feel physically ill at times. Even Jorge, who accepted Norma much faster than other characters, misgendered her for such a huge majority of the book. It took him so long to use the correct pronouns. And other characters went the entire book without gendering her properly. 

So much of this book presents Norma’s coming out as something she “did” to her family. The characters ask how Norma could do this to them. It talks about how difficult it is for them to get through. But at the same time, it never really explores how hard this is for Norma. How being rejected by her family feels (which is in part very confusing and I won’t get into this review due to spoilers but the whole thing with Jorge’s mother is really confusing to me), the violence she faces as a trans woman of color. AND WE SEE THIS! We SEE Norma face transphobia head on!! Jorge sees it! And it’s only brought up like two times and is never really explored beyond that! 

Also frustrating was the fact that there is a gay uncle who is just there randomly to be gay and have no character or arc other than ‘hey he’s gay’ and only show up/be mentioned like twice. And there’s a genderfluid kid in Jorge’s grade/class who also has no character and essentially exists to be bullied, explain what being genderfluid is, and be a very stereotypical nonbinary character. Now that isn’t to say nonbinary people like Noah don’t exist, but when you only have one nonbinary character, and they don’t have much of a character, it feels incredibly stereotypical. Neither of these two characters are CHARACTERS. They feel like they were put here so the author could be like “See! More non cishet characters!” opposed to fleshed-out people with like. Personalities. 

But stepping away from the portrayal of trans and non straight people in this book. The comic plotline felt so underdeveloped. It felt like it was constantly getting lost in the shuffle. I didn’t really care for the attempt at the love triangle, but I suppose the romance was sweet. I HATED the reason the romance fell apart which I will not get into because spoilers but it annoys me. Racism (Jorge and Caesar are half Mexican), racial profiling, and transphobic violence, specifically TOWARD WOMEN OF COLOR, one of the most vulnerable portions of our population, are touched upon but never explored really in-depth. The relationship between Jorge and Caesar felt like it needed more time and the ending… I get the real world isn’t perfect but for a middle grade novel especially it felt so bleak. Realistic, maybe, but not only did it feel incomplete and unsatisfying, it made me wonder what the point of going through all this really was. 

Look, at some point this book made me cry genuine tears. I think it was during a conversation Norma and Jorge had. It had a few moments I enjoyed. There was a chance this book could have been good. But it tried to tackle a million things both major and minor (like did we need a comic contest AND a talent show?), and ended up falling so flat. Parts of it felt slapped together haphazardly. If a cis author wants to write about trans people, that’s fine, but I do not think this was the way to go about it. I think more sensitivity readers were needed at least, because so much of this felt so insensitive and was so painful as a nonbinary person to read. And if this is meant to be a way to help cis kids who are around Jorge’s age understand trans people and the struggle of being trans, I absolutely do not think this is the way to go about it. 

Instead of buying this book, I suggest donating the money you would’ve spent on it to support trans people of color instead. A few charities to look at include the Transgender Law Center, the Lavender Rights Project, the Trans Woman of Color Collective, INCITE!, and the Sylvia Rivera Law Project. (Note, I have not researched these organizations in-depth, and always recommend researching charities before donating!)

goodreads page for the greatest superpower author’s website

[jmenvs3000]

Acknowledging My Privilege

Definition of privilege according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary:  

“a right or immunity granted as a peculiar benefit, advantage, or favor.”

In this post I would like to first highlight my privilege, relate it to my outdoor experiences and then I want to share other people’s experiences through sharing blogs & articles.  

Without naming a list of all the reasons why I have so much privilege, I want to evaluate what my privilege allows me to do.

I am in this University course

On my blog I can share my thoughts and ideas freely

I am not afraid that I will be too different than everyone else because I am a part of the majority

I can freely discuss this content with my housemates without fear of being rejected or even misunderstood

When I am in the outdoors, my privilege shines. It means that I don’t have to worry about the way that people perceive me other than the way that I present my own personality. There is no prejudice against me telling saying how I am “allowed” to or should act. I will not worry that people will tell me I’m not allowed to be somewhere or call me out in any way. Standing in front of a group as an interpreter, I would be worried about if people thought I was smart enough, engaging enough or if they thought I was skilled enough. I would not be worried that someone would look at my skin or appearance and have an issue with me solely based on my appearance. I am a white, able-bodied woman.

So, in telling only my story about what discrimination looks like in the outdoors, I would further be using my privilege: immunity that has been granted to me through nothing of my own doing (see definition above). Instead, I want to share some articles and blogs that I have found written by the minority and not the majority: white, cis, heteronormative, able-bodied people. I cannot tell their story for them, so please read the articles below to see what privilege, or lack thereof, looks like in the outdoors. Many of the articles also share organizations that support these marginalized people.

“How to Take Up Space in the Outdoors” Author: Nadia Mercado

“Being outside doesn’t free me from the stereotypes that others impose upon my brown skin, curly hair, nose, lips, or curves.” - Nadia Mercado

This article is an honest and open account of how an Afro-Latinx womxn feels and is treated in the outdoors when participating in activities that she just wants to enjoy like everyone else.  

https://www.melaninbasecamp.com/trip-reports/2020/4/5/taking-up-space-in-the-outdoors

LEARNING MOMENT: Carabiners are used for climbing, often referred to as a “beaner”, before learning this I thought that it was just a fun thing to say. Beaner is a racial slur for people of Mexican descent, coming from the prevalence of beans in Mexican cuisine. Please stop using this term and share this knowledge with anyone that you hear using the term.

“The Melanin Basecamp Guide to Outdoor Allyship” Author: Danielle Williams  

“Forest bathing doesn’t wash away bigotry” - Danielle Williams

I really appreciated this article; it is an introductory to white privilege in an outdoor setting. Danielle talks about the barriers for BIPOC and Queer people in the outdoors and the barriers to white people knowing/seeing discrimination taking place while also providing ways to be an ally.

https://www.melaninbasecamp.com/trip-reports/2019/7/7/mbc-guide-to-outdoor-allyship

“A Bigger Backyard: Connecting Indoor to Outdoor Privilege” Author: Lynn Lieu

She writes about her firsthand experiences of what being outdoors used to mean to herself and her Vietnamese-American parents, and what it means to her now. This article is an example of the same themes in the opening story in ch 7 of the textbook about the Junior Naturalist program in LA (Beck, Cable & Knudson, 2018, p. 127).

https://www.outdoorwomensalliance.com/outdoor-privilege/

“The Group Getting Queer People Outside Together” Author: Rebekah Frumkin

“I had this unbelievable experience of loving my body for the first time and feeling truly present in it.” - When Cohen

The article describes The Venture Out Project (TVOP) and the impact that it has had on the lives of Queer people in the outdoors.

https://www.outsideonline.com/2383136/lgbt-outdoor-group-venture-out-project#close

“Native Voices” Author: Elizabeth Miller

“We’re still here, we’re still thriving, and we’re still around trying to honor our culture and our heritage.” - Ernest House

This article talks about ambassadors for Native Outdoors and what the organization does: promote visibility of Indigenous people in the outdoors and restore cultural names to sites and landmarks in North America.

https://www.elevationoutdoors.com/go-outside/native-voices/  

“Redefining Limitations: Disabled Athletes are Adaptive, Resilient, and Still Locked Out” Author: Tenley Lozano

“Like many other disabled athletes, I am active outdoors because of my disabilities - not in spite of them.” - Tenley Lozano

This article shares the perspective of a person with a disability and it also shares the general issues faced by many people in the outdoors and how that is perpetuated by businesses.

https://www.bitchmedia.org/article/disabled-outdoor-athletes-innovation  

These articles show that there is no one form of discrimination and there is no one solution to make every person feel included in the outdoors. We must each pay attention to our own lens and the way that our actions have impacts, the only way to do this is through openness, honesty and active learning.  

I hope that you gained something from this post and I would love for you to share your experience or the experience of someone else that you found interesting (that is consensually shared online).

- Jasmine  

Other References 

Merriam-Webster Dictionary site: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/privilege

Textbook information:  Beck, L., Cable, T. & Knudson, D. (2018). Interpreting cultural and natural heritage: For a better world. Sagamore-Venture Publishing: Urbana, IL, USA.

[roswelldetails]

RNM 2x07 - Como La Flor

Apologies for being so late this week!! Lots of translating to do, and research. Mucho gracias to @queenrikki for reviewing this one for me!

EPISODE SUMMARY:

OLD WOUNDS — Liz (Jeanine Mason) is forced to revisit a painful part of her past when her mother Helena (guest star Bertila Damas) shows up at the diner unexpectedly. Michael (Michael Vlamis) urges Maria (Heather Hemmens) to seek help after she experiences a strange vision, and Kyle’s (Michael Trevino) attempt to get Steph (guest star Justina Adorno) to open up doesn’t go as planned. Finally, Helena’s arrival in Roswell sends Rosa spiraling. Nathan Dean and Lily Cowles also star. Barbara Brown directed the episode written by Danny Tolli & Carolina Rivera (#207). Original airdate 4/27/2020. 

DETAILS:

Max and Isobel both describing to Rosa how it feels to use (and control) your powers.

Isobel:

"Ground your intention.  Feel the current running through your body, your hands guiding it with purpose."

Max:

"Okay, draw energy from your spine…"

Arturo on Rosa:

"I heard a little mouse crying in her room this morning."

Escamoles - like Liz says in the episode, they're ant larvae. One article I found called them "the Caviar of the Mexican desert". 

Helena calls Liz "mi corazón", which means "my heart".

"Arturito, te ves bien."

Arturo, you look good.

Adding "ito" to someone's name in Spanish can both be positive or negative.  It can refer to smallness or also tenderness (like an affectionate pet name).

@tasyfa pointed out that there was a little timeline error in this scene.  Arturo says that he hasn't seen Helena in 7 years, since Jim Valenti's funeral, but last season it was established in 1x12 that Valenti died in 2014.  Also, remember the show is a year behind reality right now, so it's still 2019. So off by 2 years.

The reason for Helena's visit - transferring her ownership of the Crashdown for Liz so that Liz can sponsor Arturo's residency for citizenship. I did a lot of research trying to understand and clarify why this is.  Thanks to those who weighed in when I was struggling to find a clear answer. Eventually I reached out to Define American, the non-profit org that provides support to the show on racial and immigration related issues.  Here's the response:

The short version is that Liz has to meet minimum income requirements in order to sponsor Arturo, because she has to be able to certify that she can financially support him.  Since she's currently unemployed except for the Crashdown, transferring half of the ownership to her makes her a business partner and helps her to meet the income requirements. 

The Spanish:

"¿Cuánto quieres, Mamá?" 

How much do you want, Mama?

"She has a very thoughtful manicure."

If you don't understand, it's cool. I'm not going to explain here.  Feel free to DM me though! I won't judge, promise!!

Narrative thread about Max's nightmare/memory continues from 2x03 and 2x06.  Don't forget that 2x03 was just Isobel remembering it. Max was a hallucination. So when he brings it up here, it might be something they haven't discussed in a very long time.

The Spanish from Rosa on her red jacket:

"Eres una mujercita."

Basically translates to you're a little woman or young woman.  I assume the "cita" is supposed to be diminutive here.

"Mom is an opportunist.  If she found out she had a kid who came back from the dead she would use you to get to Anderson Cooper. And then she'd use him to promote her latest lounge singer gig."

"Isobel pays double.  Becky tax." 

A Becky, according to common colloquial use, is an annoying white woman, usually entitled and privileged.

Lead bartender quit..meaning there's a job opening at the Pony…hmm. Wonder if any of our characters need a job... 🤔

Maria's vision:

Michael drops the change

Flash to Kyle dropping his keys & bending down to pick them up.

Kyle staring into a bright light.

Maria shouting his name.

"My heart was broken.  Liz ended things and a part of me died."

Max's story to Valenti… not all THAT far off from the truth.

Note: has anyone told him about Valenti investigating him? We know Liz and Isobel were questioned.  Michael was present when Liz was questioned. Kyle knows the whole theory his mom was pursuing. And he just wanders in there like nothing happened?

"Try leading several short staffed investigations with the mayor breathing down your neck."

Another subtle reference to the mayor, including the election banners hung around town in S2 and his "anti-immigrant agenda" which was referenced in S1.

Max has been with the department since he was 18 - this is the first time we learned that.  In 2x05 we learned he was there at 21. So that timeline has now been further clarified. Which also means he was hired during Jim Valenti's time as Sheriff.

"I need eyes on you at all times now."

Definitely implies a lack of trust, or possibly still wanting to keep an eye on him for the purpose of her investigation (not a fact, just a theory).

Steph tells Kyle that she's always hanging around the hospital because she's doing admin work for her dad.

"I'm starting to feel like you're a ghost who only I can see."

"Ask them if they can see me. Or if you were just talking to a ghost." 

Note that ghosts have been a running theme this season with Rosa returning from the dead. This seems to be in line with that. Or are they subtly tying Steph to Rosa (I'm grasping at straws here, probably).

Liz leaves the safe on 3...but before she changes it is on 81. Helena leaves it on 78 after stealing the ring. Good continuity, RNM!

The whole "my mom hates cops" theme is a little confusing to me.  I mean, it makes sense given what we know about Helena. Except that she had an affair with Jim Valenti, who was… a cop. And also an addict.  Maybe it was different because they rehabbed together (just an assumption, not a fact). Or maybe the Jim experience contributed to her dislike of cops.

Liz...might be grasping at straws when she refers to police work as "something you love" to Max.  He didn't exactly seem enamoured by the job when we first met him in Season 1.

First time we learn Max and Isobel's father's name. And it is… Dave. 🤔

The Spanish Helena uses when she meets Max:

"Pero que guapo estas."

But how handsome you are.

"Cuidado Arturito."

Careful, Arturo…

Helena found Liz and Diego's wedding registry online. 

“Look there are medical reasons for non-drug-induced hallucinations - epilepsy, schizophrenia…”

“My mom has a degenerative brain disease. My grandma did too. I've always known I'd be next.”

Helena wanted to be Selena.

Which fits with Liz's lounge singer comment earlier.

And the "drunkenly singing in the car with your daughters in the backseat" fits with the story Liz and Rosa discussed in 2x02 about the car accident they got into as kids with Helena driving drunk.

Helena shows Liz her ten years sober chip, suggesting that she's been sober since Rosa died, but Rosa finds pills in Helena's car later in the episode.  Oxycodone. The same drug that Rosa used to steal from her mom as a kid (which we learned about in 2x04) and the same drug that she and Kyle discussed when he was checking her health in 2x01.

During Helena's toast to Rosa:

Preciosa = precious

Rosa Linda… still not sure personally if this is a continuity error or a pet name.  I’m inclined to go with a pet name. Throughout the whole episode Helena uses lots of pet names, nicknames, diminutives to address people. Rosa Linda may be just another version of this since Rosa's middle name was pretty well established as Helena in Season 1 between her grave, memorial pamphlet, etc.

Kyle calls attention to Steph's bandage on her arm.  She says she gave blood, but it feels like she's evading.

Also she calls him McDreamy, which is a Grey's Anatomy reference. Kyle called himself McSexy (another Grey's nickname) in 1x08 as well.

Note: I've seen some people talk about the speech about his sick friend as being about Maria, but I think he's really talking about Steph.  Or both, vaguely. He's certainly trying to get Steph to open up to him. Here's what he says:

"I just found out a friend of mine is sick. And I can't do anything to help her. And I hate feeling helpless."

Only after Steph puts her walls back up, does he gesture to Mimi's files.

The Spanish:

"Oh, ándale, gùero."

Ándale is like, go! Or let's go! Gùero we discussed earlier...basically white boy.

Por favor - please 

Rosa's art that we first saw in 2x05 now looks finished:

Isobel's graffiti "In Pod We Trust"

Both Isobel and Rosa's graffiti:

Isobel's assessment of Rosa's art

"That's a black hole. An unstoppable force of destruction. And it's getting closer. I see a girl looking into her own doom. She thinks it's inevitable, that she can't stop it, but she can. See, she created it. That means she can destroy it."

Rosa on Isobel's efforts to help her:

"You and Max, you keep talking about harnessing emotion and grounding myself, right? But I can't do that.  It is in my DNA to be screwed up. Literally. My mom's mentally ill. So, so am I. I was broken long before Noah did what he did. That's why he chose me to prey on.  That's probably why he chose you too."

Maria on her grandmother:

"When I was a child my Grandma Patty was the only adult who understood my make-believe world. Thing is, I was six.  So my favorite things about her were just illness, I guess…"

Maria on her mom:

"She was always kind of out there.  By the time I realized it was more than that, I just became obsessed with money. Wanted to be able to take care of her. I invested everything Grandma Patty left me, and I worked, scrounged.  It was about three days after my mom was finally fired from her job at the Pony, I bought the place."

Maria's blood does not contain the alien protein that Kyle found in the Pod Squad and Rosa after being in the Pod for a decade. (and yes, he actually said Pod Squad, which feels like an OG fandom victory)

"Look, there is one thing I noticed in your grandmother's file. Her insurance company is the same one that paid for my dad's cancer treatments...My dad got cancer because of an alien incident at Caulfield Prison. A fake insurance company established by Project Shepherd covered his bills."

"Okay so my grandmother got sick at the same alien prison where your mother died?"

More Spanish (there's lots of it this week).

Helena, when she gestures to the present:

"Abre tu regalo."

Open your gift.

Quinces is just slang for Quinceanera.

Just in case you're not familiar with quinceaneras (Liz's was also referenced in 1x02).

"Mija, me enseñas tus prom photos?"

Daughter, show me your prom photos.

Regarding the power outage.  Liz thought it was Max. Max thought it was Rosa. But the wire is frayed, like it was cut or chewed through. So it wasn't alien power related.  When Arturo finds the wire though, he says, "Must have been a little mouse." Which is how he referred to Rosa earlier in the episode. So the question is, does he actually think it was a mouse? Or does he think Rosa cut the wire? And if Rosa did cut the wire, then why? To distract them while she goes after her mom's car?

In the big Liz/Helena argument, Helena calls Max “a güerito cop”.  Güero means white person, similar to the more commonly used gringo.  But by adding the “ito” onto the end (like discussed before), Helena is basically diminuitizing Max.  She’s using the “smallness” above to basically imply that he’s some white nobody.

“I may not be the PTA mom who made cookies for bake sales or hosted sleepovers, but I sacrificed everything to come to this country to give you a better life.”

This is...not actually true.  Liz and Rosa are both natural born U.S. citizens, born in Roswell.  So she didn’t “come to this country” for that reason. She was already here when Liz and Rosa came into the picture.  And it’s not like she came pregnant with Rosa or anything, since Rosa is Jim Valenti’s daughter.

The ring that Helena took was ARTURO'S mother's ring.  It wasn't even Helena's family's heirloom.   

Liz and Arturo sharing flan for dessert.  At the start of the episode before Helena arrived they discussed making flan for Rosa.

Arturo admits that he always knew the truth about Rosa's heritage. (*fistpump* that's one of my headcanons coming true). 

"Rosa es mi hija, siempre y para toda la vida."

Rosa is my daughter, always and for life.

"Maybe you're right. I am playing the hero. Just like you're playing the politician's perfect arm candy.  See, I did a little digging. And your boyfriend, Dirk-- he ran for city council. It's very impressive. But there's no mention of your daughters. I'm guessing Dirk doesn't even know about Liz or Rosa.  Does he know anything about you, Helena? 'Cause it would be such a shame if he found out about a little town called Roswell."

Helena gives Max the ring, but keeps the box… maybe that's what Helena really wanted?

Huevos = eggs.  Basically, slang for balls.

"I know that face.  You uncovered a massive conspiracy."

"I checked the Caulfield drives. No sign of a Patricia DeLuca, but there was a Patricia Harris. Her maiden name. She signed up to participate in an experimental trial. Government was interested in weaponizing alien abilities. They wanted to create super soldiers. Your grandma was one of the first human subjects."

"Kind of wish I was an alien instead."

"What happened to the experiment?"

"It was a total failure. Caulfield shut it down in the '70s after people started dying. I don't understand how your grandmother got involved."

"I do. Henrietta Lacks, Tuskegee, Holmesburg.  The DeLucas aren't the first black people to be secretly experimented on."

Highly encourage you to read these if you're unfamiliar with any of these references.  It's African-American history (and really a black mark on U.S. history) that's rarely taught in schools.

Henrietta Lacks:

Tuskegee:

Holmesburg:

Reality versus Maria's flashes… great gifset by @rosaortecho on this here:

Kyle rips his jacket, staggers out to the parking lot, drops his keys, and is almost hit by a car, but Michael throws him out of the way with his powers (and Kyle still ends up injured because he lands on a glass bottle).

"Now that we know your illness is related to Caulfield we can find a cure for it."

"Maybe it's not an illness. I saw the future today, Guerin. When I first found out Grandma Patty was experimented on, I was furious.  But what if my genetic inheritance isn't just injustice? It's also actual superpowers. Saved a life today. And not just any life-- Kyle Valenti's. Tomorrow he's gonna turn around and save five more lives."

Liz and Rosa's dueling big sister act is super fascinating.  Rosa admits that she wasn't going to burn the car, and then she saw Liz crying, felt helpless, and that's when her powers went all wacky and caused it to explode.

Meanwhile, Liz has spent the whole episode trying to keep Rosa safe from Helena, and is trying to comfort her here by talking about Helena's sobriety.

But--Rosa stole Helena's pills, so she knows Helena is not sober, and she doesn't tell Liz that.  Why? To protect her.

At some point these two should probably stop keeping secrets to protect each other and start actually sharing what they know.

Kyle stitches himself up.

Steph quoted in this scene:

"I was up in the gallery contemplating American downfall thanks to progressive socialism."

"People tend to bail when things get real. I'm not into that."

Cameron's car was impounded a couple hours away.

Max is turning in his badge and gun and is turning down desk duty to search for Cam.

Isobel and Michael's discussion at the Pony:

"Do you think that Noah chose me because I was already broken?"

"I think you are the only one of us who ever keeps it together."

"I'm serious, Michael. The night that drifter attacked me, why am I the only one who started blacking out? I mean, Max literally murdered a man, but I'm the one who breaks?"

"You were traumatized. We were kids. At that age, trauma gets etched on to your soul."

"But what if it's not in my soul? What if it's in my DNA? Look, my whole life, I've played Stepford wife, because I thought that's what I was supposed to do. But...I need to understand myself now. I need to know where I'm from.  And if I don't know who my biological parents are, how am I ever gonna know who I really am?" 

"What are you saying, Iz?"

"I know that we said we shouldn't look into the past, but…"

"It keeps pulling you back. Me too. I spent my whole life thinking I'd build a ship and blast off into the ether. And then the minute I decide to leave that all behind and focus on this good thing in front of me, I'm sucked back in. Maria's family was experimented on at Caulfield. I need to find out more so I can find a cure for her illness."

Rosa takes one of her mom's pills. 😭

MUSIC:

1. Cactus Groove "This World"

2. Shelly Fairchild "Drive"

3. Mathis Hunter "Mrs. Vinegar"

4. Big Stone City "Good For Zero"

5. Big Stone City "Way Down Below"

6. Selena "Bidi Bidi Bom Bom"

7. Elizabeth Moen "Best I Can Do"

8. Wagons "Keep Coming Back"

9. AG "Where Is My Mind" (Pixies Cover)

[writemarcus]

The Civilians Announces Tenth Annual R&D Group

The Civilians will present the newest members of The R&D Group, marking the Group's 10th season, and The Civilians 20th Anniversary Season. The R&D Group is comprised of playwrights, composers, and directors who work together as a writing group for nine months to develop new plays and musicals. The season culminates in the Findings Series, a works-in-progress reading series anticipated taking place in June 2021. The artists were selected from a competitive application process. The open call received a record number of 268 applications, a 60% increase from last year.

The members of The Civilians' 2020-21 R&D Group are Galia Backal, Nana Dakin, Isabella Dawis, Jacinth Greywoode, Jaime Lozano, Emily Lyon, AriDy Nox, Reynaldo Piniella, Tylie Shider, Tidtaya Sinutoke, Rachel Stevens, Ken Urban, and Noelle Viñas.

Led by R&D Program Director Ilana Becker, the artists share work as it develops, discuss their creative processes, and provide a community of support for one another. Each project develops according to its unique methods of creative inquiry, offering new approaches to the idea of "investigative theater." Methods may include interviews, community engagement, research, or other experimental methods of inquiry. The artists will meet twice a month, virtually.

"The sheer talent and curiosity we encountered in this year's applicants proved exceptionally heartening. This season's R&D Group artists, in particular, inspired us with their visionary and deeply personal approaches to questions that demand illumination," said Becker. Artistic Director Steve Cosson added, "I am overjoyed to mark the 10th Anniversary of The Civilians' R&D Group with these exceptional artists; I'm immensely excited as they embark on the process of developing these vital new projects."

Ken Urban's project, THE MODERATE, joins the group through The Civilians' new work development program; his play is commissioned by the EST/Sloan Project, developed by The Civilians, and will receive its first reading at EST. This season, Cosson and Becker will also hold two virtual roundtable sessions with Finalist Directors in order to better get to know their work, and to expand community.

The 2020-21 R&D Group projects are as follows:

SUNWATCHER

Libretto by Isabella Dawis, Music by Tidtaya Sinutoke, Directed by Nana Dakin, with support from Producer/Cultural Consultant Ikumi Kuronaga

SUNWATCHER, a Noh-inspired musical, is the story of astronomer Hisako Koyama (1916-1997) - intertwined with the ancient Japanese myth of the sun goddess Amaterasu, in a retelling inspired by the structure of classical Noh theatre. Hisako was a woman with no formal scientific training - also a survivor of the 1945 US air raid of Tokyo, the deadliest bombing in history - who managed to rise to the stature of Galileo. She did so by drawing the sun in painstaking detail every day for 40 years, a landmark achievement for solar science. SUNWATCHER is a celebration of Hisako's extraordinary dedication to ordinary observation, reminding us how seemingly small acts can have an immense impact over time and space.

BLACK GIRL IN PARIS

Music by Jacinth Greywoode, Book and Lyrics by AriDy Nox

BLACK GIRL IN PARIS is a musical about one of the most famous and least known black women in the American historical canon: Sally Hemmings. It hones in on her years spent in Paris, a point in her life where she both had the most access to freedom ever afforded her and the beginnings of the relationship that would forever define her legacy. Black Girl in Paris seeks to explore the inherent contradictions of an enslaved young black woman held in bondage in a city where slavery has been outlawed, under a man widely considered to be one of the architects of one of the greatest articulations of the necessity of freedom in the western world. It also centers an ensemble cast of Ancestors who chide and guide Sally along her journey, interweaving fables and history to craft the nuanced world Sally is forced to grapple with. At the heart of this musical is the question "What does it mean to be free?", a question black Americans have been grappling with since the original kidnapping and enslavement of Africans for The American Project.

DESAPARECIDAS (Working Title)

Lyrics and Music Jaime Lozano, Directed by Rachel M. Stevens, Co-Created by Lozano and Stevens

Told through the lens of Mexican folklore, our story explores the psychology behind societal suppression and the strategic erasure of female voices in the fight to end gender-based violence and the killing of women and girls. A female ensemble assumes a community of characters in a tapestried play of dramatized accounts, fictionalized scenes and musical sequences to unearth and dismantle the moral behind the 'myth' of violence against women.

DISSENTARY

Written by Reynaldo Piniella, Directed by Emily Lyon

Tasked with escaping your neighborhood, you inevitably run across environmental hazards that impede your progress. Especially if you're Black, Indigenous or Latinx. Dissentary takes inspiration from the classic game The Oregon Trail and adds an environmental justice lens; your group can do one of two things - leave in pursuit of clean air, water and healthy food, or stay and defeat the corporations focused only on profits. Dissentary will both be a participatory theatrical piece as well as an accompanying card game that will allow people to play the game off-line themselves, thus giving access to people who normally don't have access to the arts.

RESET: RACE and CULTURE CONTACTS in the MODERN WORLD

Written by Tylie Shider

an investigative work of theatre

about how incidents between police and black Americans

continues to reset race relations in the country.

THE MODERATE

a new play by Ken Urban, directed by Steve Cosson, commissioned by the EST/Sloan Project and developed by The Civilians.

ACCEPT. ACCEPT. REJECT. ACCEPT. REJECT. For a minimum of eight hours a day, with a target of at least 2,000 videos a day, Frank evaluates the videos and photos uploaded on the world's largest social media site. What Frank sees, he can't un-see, but he soon realizes he has the power to change the world. Playwright Ken Urban and director Steve Cosson will interview scientists, researchers and policymakers in order to dramatize the hidden human cost of the internet and imagine a future when a free exchange of knowledge and information is possible again. This project is an EST/Alfred P. Sloan Science & Technology Project Commission.

EL CÓNDOR MÁGICO

Written by Noelle Viñas, Directed by Galia Backal

El Cóndor Mágico examines the events of Operation Condor, the US-backed campaign of right-wing dictatorships and repressive regimes in South America throughout the 1970s-80s via oral history, research, and satire. It will also explore the American fascination with magical realism, a Latin American narrative tool rooted in history in a region where people have been known to "disappear," problems miraculously go away, and corruption can serve as a curtain behind which history does tricks. Research will unravel how the political imprisonment of over 400,000 people, varied intimidation/torture tactics taught by the US, and unknown thousands of "disappeared" people set a precedent for relations between the US and Latin America that haunt us today. With an eye on Operation Condor's long shadow and impressive wingspan, it asks: who is the magician behind the "magical realism" when it comes to the relationship between Latin America and the US?

FINALISTS

In honor of the overwhelming amount of talent and curiosity displayed amongst this year's applicants, The Civilians are pleased to share the exceptional finalists considered for this season's R&D Group:

Finalist Projects were proposed by Calley N. Anderson; Masi Asare; Helen Banner; Aaron Coleman; Sara Cooper & Kira Stone; Annalisa Dias; Dominic Finocchiaro & Stephen Bennett; Franky D. Gonzalez; Suzy Jane Hunt; Rachel Gita Karp, Ben Hoover & Jacob Russell; Divya Mangwani & Kate Moore Heaney; Talene Monahon & Adam Chanler-Berat; Brett Robinson; Dominique Rider & Nissy Aya; Marcus Antwan Scott, Ryan Kerr, & Dev Bondarin; David B. Thomas, Nick Hatcher, & Sheridan Merrick; Xandra Nur Clark; and Sim Yan Ying "YY" & Alvin Tan.

Finalist Directors are é boylan, Britt Berke, Matt Dickson, Joan Sergay, Noam Shapiro, Emerie Snyder, Leia Squillance, Alex Tobey, and Michael T. Williams.

[quaspoch]

Reflections of a Queer Asian PoC Christian

Growing up in white America, I wanted to erase my heritage. I wished I could’ve been born with fair, white skin, blond hair, blue eyes, the beautiful standard set by America. I hated my black hair, my big nose, everything ethnic about me that made me different. I wished I could be one of the many, and I hated myself and my parents for having me and making me Asian.

It wasn’t only my physical features, it was also my culture. I hated that my dumplings smelled, and often times I would not eat lunch to avoid embarrassment. I now wonder how many dumplings I threw away, how much I wasted, how much privilege I had to waste food to save myself humiliation and questions, when so many others go hungry.

I hated my parents’ accents, it was embarrassing. I never told them about parents day, because then my dirty secret would be exposed. I am not American. I am different. I am not white. I am different. I am unacceptable.

I hated my parents’ values, why didn’t they value freedom and privacy, like my friends’ parents did? Why weren’t they grateful when I finished my homework, and passed my classes? Why did they expect me to excel, to take after-school classes, to learn Chinese, to play piano, to spend what was supposed to be my free time, on miscellaneous things they valued? It felt unfair, and in rebellion, I did my best to learn as little as possible, work as dispassionately as possible, and exert as little effort as possible. Looking back, I recognize that privilege as well. I wasted time and opportunity that my mom worked hard for.

My mom didn’t speak much English, and she didn’t finish school. She often put herself down, saying that she wasn’t very smart and didn’t have the capacity to learn things. She was extremely resourceful and hardworking though. As a Taiwanese mother without English and/or other skills, she strove to provide my sister and I with opportunities she felt would help us in the future. She graded papers for a private math teacher, Tsai Laoshi, so that I could be in the classes. She taught Chinese school so I could attend Chinese school. She learned how to bargain and utilize her skills in ways to benefit her children, even if it didn’t mean financial rewards. Looking back, I can see my mom truly was a hustler.

My dad wanted to be fully assimilated into American culture, and hated that we were attending Chinese school and doing things “non-American” families do. That’s why he didn’t foot the bill for piano classes, Chinese school, or after-school math classes. My mom, who had no job and no degree, somehow was able to provide those opportunities despite the barriers.

My dad loved American football, and I learned from him about the Cowboys, beer, BBQ, and family vacations. In some ways, I internalized his hatred for being outcast, and wanted also to become one of the many here in America. I wished I could blend in, become invisible in a crowd, not different.

I hated family vacations, and yet, it was something my dad felt pride in. He said, no other Chinese families do this, they see vacations as a waste of money, but we do this. Just like the white families. We are more American. So, begrudgingly, we were forced to go on these family vacations together, so that my dad could feel a sense of belonging in the world he had immigrated to.

Growing up, I was surrounded by “family.” Second cousins, once removed, others who I called uncles and aunties, but had no blood relations. I was embarrassed of these gatherings. These gatherings consisted of potluck dinners in which every family brought a dish, all the adults would laugh and sing karaoke together late into the night, and the children would have to figure out how to stay occupied for the entirety of the night (in the other room).

Often, we ended up “sneaking out” to watch movies and other activities. The “cool” ones did at least. I now look back, a bit sad that I didn’t spend more time enjoying these large, raucous gatherings of misfits. I miss these gatherings where adults laugh and let loose, kids are left to spend time with cousins and folks we would never be caught with in public.

Looking back, what I miss are not the “white-passing” things that I pretended to do. It wasn’t the, swimming in the pool, eating hot dogs, watching movies that I miss. I miss the parts of me that were discarded and unvalued. I miss the dumplings my mom would pack. I miss the after-school math classes, in which I was surrounded with other ABCs irritated that we had to be there. I miss being surrounded by Mandarin conversation (when the adults would gather and conversation and laughter would flow freely). I miss Chinese school, I would play hooky less. I miss piano class, I wish I practiced more. I wish I could play piano for fun; I wish I had known that my mom was trying to gift me with a future. But I was too blinded by my fear of being outcast. Different.

All in all, I feel ripped-off. I was sold this American dream by my white peers, by the media, by American society. I paid for it by not engaging in my ancestral culture, by tossing it aside to put on the facade of being “white American.” Now, as an adult, there is nothing more sad, more superficial, more shallow to me than white culture. I cannot stand it. I’m angry that I was swindled, that I was tricked. I was a fool.

How would my life have looked different if society around me sold me a different American dream? One that valued diversity and cultural differences, one that valued immigrants? I would’ve felt proud of being Taiwanese American, I would have seen the opportunities given to me and taken hold. It didn’t happen for me and my generation. Perhaps it can change for future generations. It would be nice, if future generations could feel proud of being Asian American, or ——— American. Indian American, Mexican American, African American, Native American, etc. It would be nice if there isn’t a silent shame that permeates society, telling non-whites that who we are, are less than, and needs to be hidden and disposed of.

I’m glad to be here, and that I got to grow in Americanness and Asianness. I wish that I hadn’t bought into the lie that these were mutually exclusive. It didn’t have to be one or the other. Could it have been both? Could both have been celebrated?

Is this how all children of color feel in this white America? I hope that the TVs shows like Fresh Off the Boat, Never have I ever, Master Of None, etc, will help children to take pride in their identities, which includes ancestry, culture, and values.