Hi!!! I love your Amelia and Emily fics so much, I’ve basically binged them 😂 I was wondering if I could request an Amelia x reader fic where maybe reader is like 6 months pregnant with her and Amelia’s first child and has a bad history with her dad and her dad comes into the hospital with his new wife and her kid and it just stirs bad feelings for reader and Amelia comforts her? Maybe autistic reader? Thank you so much!
Thank you so much! 💕 I'm so, so glad you enjoy them! Also, thanks especially for an autistic!reader request, they're some of my favorites to write! Hope you enjoy! – illdowhatiwantthanks
The R Word
Amelia Shepherd x fem!autistic!reader
Warnings: autism struggles, ableism, use of ableist slurs, overstimulation (the autism kind, not the sex kind), explicit language, pregnancy times (let me know if I've missed anything!)
Word Count: 2.4k
Summary: It's a typical day working with a child in the ER when your estranged father shows up and makes you feel just as small and stupid and alien as he did when you were growing up. Amelia is there to comfort you and remind you of who you really are.
“No, Mommy!” the little girl wailed as she writhed on the hospital bed. “I want to go home!”
Her mom looked at you apologetically as she tried to soothe her child. You needed to get her vitals. Based on the mom’s description, you also probably needed to get IV fluids and an antiemetic in her. But you knew that wasn’t going to happen while the kid felt scared and overwhelmed. This wasn’t your first rodeo with kids in the ER. In fact, the other ER nurses often called you over when kids were difficult to work with. They called you the “bad kid whisperer.”
You knew better. They weren’t bad kids. They were usually just scared. There was a lot to be scared of at a hospital. And you were good with them because you understood better than most what it was like for your body and brain to feel so overwhelmed that you could no longer regulate your emotions. Being autistic was hard sometimes, it made you stand out, but this was a place where it made you stand out in a good way.
You lifted your hands to show the little girl that you were setting down all your medical instruments.
“It’s okay,” you said quietly, pulling the curtain closed around the bed. Sometimes making the space smaller helped. You bent down to her height, careful to keep your distance and not to touch her.
“I’m Y/N,” you said. “What’s your name?”
The girl didn’t answer, shaking as she sobbed.
You nodded. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk right now. Do you feel like you can’t breathe or anything?”
The girl shook her head.
“Good. Then all this other stuff can wait, okay? I’m not gonna touch you. No needles, no thermometer, no heartbeat or anything until you feel a little calmer. We can wait.”
She seemed to calm down a bit when she realized you weren’t going to make her do anything, her sobs subsiding to the occasionally aggressive sniffle.
“Here,” you offered, pulling a tiny tech deck skateboard out of the pocket of your scrubs. “Sometimes when I’m scared or nervous, having something to do with my hands makes me feel better.” You rolled the skateboard toward her, and she started running it across the rails of the hospital bed, her breathing starting to calm.
“Better?” you asked.
She nodded.
You started taking her vitals and continued the conversation. “You think you can tell me your name now?”
“Maddy,” she whispered.
You smiled even as you read her temperature: 103.4. Pretty high. She was almost certainly dehydrated. “That’s a really cool name. Now, do you know why your mom brought you here?”
“I threw up,” she told you, lip quivering.
“Oh, man,” you commiserated. “That’s the worst. I hate throwing up.”
Maddy nodded.
“Did you throw up just one time or a lot of times?”
“A lot.”
You exchanged glances with the mom to make sure this information was accurate.
“She can’t keep anything down,” the mom worried, biting her nails.
“Okay. Well, that’s okay. We’re gonna help you feel better. First, we’re gonna get some fluids in you. Do you know what that means?”
She shook her head as you gathered the supplies and pulled on gloves.
“It means your tummy is so sick that when you drink water, it all just comes right back out. And that’s not good because your body needs water. Your heart and your lungs and all the things that make you healthy and strong, they need water. So since you can’t swallow it, we’re gonna put a little tube in your arm and send water through the tube. That way your body gets the water it needs. And we’ll send medicine and electrolytes and all kinds of other good stuff to fight the sickness, too. It’s like we’re sneaking weapons past the sick.”
This explanation seemed to cheer her up a bit. “Like a secret mission?” she asked.
You nodded conspiratorially. “Exactly like a secret mission. But to get all that good stuff in there, we’re gonna have to put a needle in your arm. Just for a second! It makes the path for the supplies to go in.”
Maddy seemed to think deeply about this, then nodded. You had her play with the skateboard while you placed the IV line, ensuring that she was comfortably positioned for a good hour or so of fluid intake.
“Thank you,” her mom mouthed to you, and you gave her a quick thumbs up before adding a few reminders to your chart–what to check in the next hour, etc.
Maddy, now calmer, took a good look at you for the first time, from your glasses to your fingers that twitched by your ears, to your stomach that protruded out past your waistline–you were six months pregnant.
“Why are you so fat?” Maddy blurted out.
“Madeline Grace!” her mom hissed.
“It’s okay,” you laughed. “My tummy looks like this because there’s a baby in there. But some tummies are just bigger than others, too, and that’s okay. All tummies are good tummies.”
“Where’s the daddy?” she asked, reaching out to brush her hand over your stomach.
“No daddy,” you explained. “This baby has two mommies. His other mommy works upstairs. On brains.”
“Brains!?” she squealed.
You nodded. “Yeah. She’s pretty cool.”
Just then, the relative calm of a midday ER was interrupted by a loud, brash voice, bursting through the doors, yelling at the nurses at the station.
“Where the fuck is my daughter!? Middle of the fucking work day. Unbelievable. Am I going too fast for you? Read my lips, sweetheart. Madeline. Y/L/N.”
You froze, any icy stream of panic running from the back of your neck all the way down to your heels. You’d know that voice anywhere. It was an angry voice, a coach’s voice, the voice that had yelled at you to “stay the fuck in the bleachers” when all you wanted was to sit in the car and breathe. The same voice that growled at you to stop “doing that shit with your hands, you look like a r*tard.” The same voice that told you over and over that you weren’t “stupid enough to be on the short bus,” but you were “too stupid to function in real life.”
You felt your brain start swirling, felt panic building in your chest. You knew he’d gotten remarried, of course you knew. But you didn’t talk to him, hadn’t talked to him in nearly a decade. You knew they’d had a kid, but you didn’t know it was this kid.
All the ER noises, the beeps of the machines, the buzzing of the overhead lights–were they getting brighter?–the clang of instruments being set down, wails, conversations, and above it all your dad’s voice. Your dad’s voice. It was too much. It was all way, way too much.
You felt your hands start to shake at your sides, your body swinging back and forth, and you had to stop. You had to stop. Your dad would kill you.
He threw back the curtain, and his jaw dropped when he saw you.
“You!?” he spat, looking down. “Are you pregnant!?”
Maddy seemed oblivious to the tension. “Daddy!” she called. “Her name is Y/N and she gave me this little skateboard and the water is fighting the sickness through my tubes and she has a baby in her tummy and the baby’s other mommy fixes brains.”
You tried so hard not to stim, but it was not working.
“Don’t tell me you’re a nurse?! God, it’s a miracle you didn’t fucking stab her. You shouldn’t be holding any needles with those flappy arms. Probably shouldn’t be holding any babies either.” He shot out his hand and grabbed Teddy’s arm, which was wild to you. The audacity of the man to assume he had the authority to bother the trauma surgeon. “Yeah, honey, we need a different nurse over here. This one’s a r*tard.”
Teddy looked flabbergasted and deeply offended, but also concerned, as you clenched your teeth, hugging yourself, twisting your body back and forth. “It’s doctor, sir, and that word is not welcome at Grey-Sloan. Y/N is a perfectly capable medical professional. In fact, she’s one of our best, especially with kids.”
“I don’t know if you know this, but I feel like it’s my responsibility to tell you,” your dad whispered loudly to Teddy. “She’s got autism. She shouldn’t be handling tools or people or anything.”
Teddy pressed her lips together in frustration. “As I said, sir,” she repeated more forcefully. “Y/N is a perfectly capable medical professional, and we’re lucky to have her. But I’ll get another nurse over here for you. Y/N?”
Teddy beckoned you over, careful not to touch you, and led you to a quieter corner of the room.
“Who the fuck is that guy?!” she asked.
“M-my dad,” you stuttered. Everything in the room–sounds, lights, smells, all of it–seemed to be crashing over you again and again. As if you’d been knocked over by a wave and couldn’t get back up again because they just kept coming.
“You want to hang out in one of the on-call rooms for a bit?” Teddy suggested.
You nodded.
“Should I page Amelia?”
You shook your head. “She’s in surgery.”
Teddy pulled out her tablet to look. “I mean, we could just check.”
“Don’t bother her,” you repeated. “She’s got work to do. I’ll be okay.”
You made your way to the elevator and up to an on-call room, breathing heavily when you shut the door against the rest of the hospital. You turned off the lights, curling into a corner of the bottom bunk and pulling your knees up to your chest–or as close to your chest as they could get with your baby bump in the way.
You rocked yourself back and forth, thoughts spiraling. The movement and the dark usually calmed you down, but you were having a hard time regulating today, and nothing seemed to be working. Your breath just got faster and faster. And the fact that you couldn’t get yourself out of your spiral only made you spiral more.
You knew you were a good nurse. You knew that. You knew because you’d done it. But you hadn’t ever been a mom before. What if he was right? What if the baby made you overstimulated and you yelled or lashed out? What if the baby went to school and you went to parent nights and he was embarrassed of you, of how you couldn’t make eye contact and didn’t start conversations right and didn’t get the jokes. What if being autistic made you a bad mom?
You had tears streaming down your face by the time you heard a light knock on the door. It creaked open and Amelia’s head popped in. When she saw it was you, she quickly let herself in and locked the door.
“Oh, babe,” she said, watching your body rock back and forth in huge, aggressive sweeps. “A bad one, huh?”
“Go away, Amelia,” you hiccuped.
“Hey,” she said, jokingly. Then when she got closer and saw the tear tracks on your face, she said it again, quieter, sitting next to you on the bed. “Hey.”
When you didn’t say anything, Amelia shrugged. “Teddy said your… dad was here?”
You nodded.
She let out a deep breath, running a hand through her hair. “Honey, will you let me hold you? Please?”
You nodded again.
“Alright,” she said, waiting for your body to line up with hers as you rocked, then quickly grabbing you up in her arms, like she was catching something midair. “Gotcha.” She rocked with you.
“What did he say?” she asked, her breath warm on the top of your head.
“That I shouldn’t hold medical tools or babies because I’m a fucking re– I don’t want to say it. I hate that word.”
You felt Amelia’s arms tighten around you, and her breath came out in huffs. She was very angry. “As you should,” she told you. “It’s a nasty word. And it’s a word that doesn’t describe you at all, you know that.”
“I don’t know, Amy,” you whispered into her chest. “What if he doesn’t like me?”
“Babe, I think that ship has sailed,” Amelia said, running her fingers through your hair.
“Not my dad,” you explained. “The baby.”
Amelia was quiet for a moment, then you felt her lips press against the top of your head.
“Oh, honey,” she said, her voice soft. “Of course he’ll like you. He’ll love you. You're his mom.”
“But what if I’m bad at it? What if autism makes me bad at it?”
“Y/N,” Amelia said, gently grabbing your face and positioning it so that you had to look in her general direction, if not in her eyes. “Look how good you are with the kids in the ER. You’re gonna be an incredible mom.”
“I’m just scared,” you admitted.
“I’m a little scared, too,” Amelia told you. “But you know what? I think we’re gonna be okay. Me and you together? I mean, surely, combined, we can be at least one whole good mom, right?”
You giggled.
Amelia grinned at you. “There she is.”
You were quiet for a moment, playing with Amelia’s finger, with the edges of her scrubs.
“You know what you are?” Amelia asked after a bit, kissing your forehead. “You are smart and kind and empathetic. You’re funny and brave and you work hard. You’re my favorite person in the whole world.”
You looked away.
“Hey,” she said, pulling your face back toward her again. “I don’t like people talking about my wife like that. Even you.”
You nodded, wrapping your arms around her waist and pressing your face to her chest.
“Are you going back down there?” Amelia asked.
You shrugged.
“Want me to check if your dad’s still here?”
“Would you?”
“Oh, yeah,” she said, standing and placing one more kiss on your cheek. “In fact, I’d really like to talk to him.”
“Don’t do anything that’ll get you fired, Amy,” you called after her.
She looked back at you and winked as she walked through the door. “Can’t make any promises.”
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MASTERPOST.
okay hi I’m going to link this in the intro post to my blog for easier access to my fics!
i post everything on ao3, so that link is here
(all my random writing that isn’t fanfiction is under the tag inkedwords)
STEVETONY FICS
ONE-SHOTS
you're the first and the last thought (when all's said and done) - character study, canon compliant
let me play among the stars - dancing
love has never been kind to you - december 16th fic
MULTI-CHAPTER
love, what an act of faith - fake relationship au
the water hears and understands - percy jackson au
(please don’t say) i love you - college au // complete
IRONDAD FICS
ONE-SHOTS (basically everything is non endgame compliant)
the breath before the dawn - baking cookies in the middle of the night
the day always breaks - nat and peter
when night falls, i’ll guide you home - kidnapping fic
i will spend my whole life loving you - just soft fluff tbh
MULTI-CHAPTER
i never lived ‘till i lived in your light - my tumblr drabbles
i just wanted to be like you - post spiderman hc
GREY’S FICS
ONE-SHOTS
why are you full of rage? (because you are full of grief) - amelia in the aftermath of derek’s death (maggie + amelia)
a lesson in holding up the sky - amelia + derek centric character study
clinging to the ruin of your broken home - amelia + meredith before and after derek (only kind of semi canon compliant)
and i’ll stay with you through the dark - my take on amelia telling meredith about christopher (s16 timeline)
i hear my heart breaking tonight (do you hear it too?) - amelia has a nightmare + link is there (amelink)
the courage of stars - my post s17 finale fic<3 (addison + amelia/ amelink)
you’ve always felt small in the city - a small one shot set between chapter 1 and 2 of forest fire
but this place could be beautiful too, right? - charlotte finds amelia after derek dies
but darling, didn’t you know we could fly? - kai and amelia’s first kiss (not canon compliant)
falling for you and you’re worlds away - kai and amelia as moments of their relationship (feat. kai vs the shepherd sisters<3)
MULTI-CHAPTER
and i’ve been a forest fire - addison + amelia, from when they first meet in new york, through their friendship in private practice and onwards (1/3 chapters complete) the tag for updates is under this post
we were angels once (don’t you remember?) - amezona season 11 au (2/? chapters complete) the tag for updates is under this post
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