#and ​it’s lellow :)

[lellowcb]

Instead of working on my portfolio, I drew this magnificent creature instead 😃 he totally fits my portfolio, no?

I mean my investigation is all about the feeling of being overwhelmed and idk 🙄 Cursed Cat Alastor can be pretty overwhelming 🙄

[emiracless]

DUR LENSİMİ ÇIKARAYIM DA DAHA RAHAT AĞLAYAYIM..

Trajikomik değil mi? Lellow aradı beni, müsait misin diye sordu aslında müsaittim ama kimseyle görüşmek istemiyordum. Ama buna ihtiyacı olduğunu bildiğim için gelme demedim. Telefonu kapattıktan yaklaşık 20 dakika sonra kapı çaldı ve açtığım gibi sarılıp ağlamaya başladı. Gözlerindeki şişliği ve morluğu gördüm. Dayak yemiş gibiydi ama bundan daha beter olduğunu biliyordum. Hiçbir şey sormadım ve sarıldığı süre boyunca bekledim. Sonra bırakınca birazcık rahatladığını hissettiğim gibi oturma odasına getirip bilgisayar koltuğuna oturttum. Hiçbir şey sormadım ve konuşmadım sadece dökülmesini istiyordum. Şarkı açabilir miyim diye sordu ve aç dedim. Gün bitene kadar hiç hayır demedim çünkü bu durumlardaki psikolojisini biliyorum. Üstelik Regl döneminde olduğu için ekstra hassastı. Bağzıları Gitme Soğukta şarkısını açtı öncelikle. Bu şarkının benim için de özel olduğunu bildiği için bu şarkıyı açtı ama Bağzıları grubunun delisidir zaten. Biliyor musun ay sonunda buraya geliyorlar, konser var beraber gidelim mi diye sordu ve bu tarz şeylere karşı duruşumu bildiği için tamam yalnız gideceksin anladım dedi. Sürekli konuşuyordu, dalıyordu ve bu durumdan korkuyordum. Çünkü ona bakarken aslında kendimi görüyordum bir yerlerde. Eski hâlimi görüyordum ve elimden hiçbir şey gelmeyeceği gerçeği beni daha fazla üzüyordu. Sonra dökmeye başladı şarkılarını. Bağzıları'ndan Leyla, Zaten Kırılmış Bir Kızsın, Evleniyormuşsun Bugün, Kaçak şarkılarını açtı. Sadece dinliyordum ve odaklanmaya çalışıyordum. Biliyorum teselli istiyor, bekliyor ama bunu yapamayacağımı o da çok iyi biliyordu. Çok büyük bir hayal gücüyle yaşayıp, sürekli hayal kurup yanında bir de büyük bir realizm'le yaşamak bir çeşit sıkışmak gibi. Bilerek mi yapıyordu bilmiyorum ama anlamını bildiği halde Can Ozan'dan Ağlama Ben Ağlarım ve Toprak Yağmura şarkılarını açtı. Buraya kadar kendimi çok zor tutmuştum ama bu tınıları duyunca ben de göz yaşlarına karşılık vermeye başladım. Günüm sikilsin hiç istemiyordum ama olmuştu bir kere. Ağladığımı görünce ayağa kalkıp bana doğru geldi ve sarılıp başımı göğsüne yasladı sonra başıma bir öpücük kondurup merak etme geçicek dedi. Bunu niye yaptığını zerre anlamadım çünkü buna ihtiyacı olan ben değildim. Ama dengesizliğini çok iyi anlıyordum biraz da suçluluk psikolojisi işte. O hâldeyken dur bekle lensimi çıkarayım da daha rahat ağlayayım sözü ikimizi de çok fazla güldürdü. Acının tatlı tebessümüydü. Hadi bir çay yap balkona geçip oturalım bahar havası yiyelim dedi. Son demlerdi, bu sondu. Çay yaptım ve çayları alıp sigaralarla beraber balkona geçtik. İkimiz de oturduktan sonra derin bir sessizlik oluştu ve hiç beklemediğim en nefret ettiğim şeyi istedi. Telefonunu alabilir miyim diyince şoka girdim ve neden diye sorduğumda merak ettim sadece nefretini biliyorum ama bir şeye bakmak istiyorum dedi. Verdim ve direkt Tumblra girdi. Daha önce farklı hesaplarımda yaptığım bazı paylaşımları görmüştü ama görmeyeli çok uzun zaman olmuştu. Girdiği gibi direkt Maybelek ne demek diye sordu. Hayatımdaki herkes bilir, benim için her şeyin bir anlamı olur ve klâsik şeyler olmaz bunlar ama bu belki 20 farklı kişiden aldığım bir soru ama sadece Andromeda biliyor. Yani Lellow'a cevabını söylemedim ama ısrar etmedi. En sevdiğim huylarından bir tanesi/ydi. Sonra M'r'c'e' ne demek, sanki bunu biliyorum kestiğin bir kelime mi diye sorunca evet dedim. Aslında hayatımdaki herkes bu kelimenin bende ki anlamını bilir çünkü en olumsuz durumda bile en çok kullandığım kelime, en büyük inanç, en büyük gerçeğim. MUCİZE...

İste tam olarak orada konuştum. Mucize dedim. Biliyorum kafanı duvarlara vuracaksın belli bir süre daha, iştahsızlığın devam edecek ve belli bir süre daha isteksiz yemek yiyeceksin ama her şey normale dönecek. Ama bu da yetmeyecek. Her şeyi bitirecek tek bir an var, tek bir şey var o da MUCİZE. Hayatımın en büyük gerçeği. En büyük inancım, en büyük hayalim. Uçurumun kıyısında bile inancımdan asla geri dönmediğim o MUCİZE...

Lellow'la bu yaşanan anlar beni direkt Ekim ayına götürdü. Çalıştığım otelde ingiliz bir kızla tanışmıştım. (ELLİE) ve bana ruhen unuttuğum bazı şeyleri hatırlatmıştı.

BELİEVE İN THE MİRACLES EMİR. MAY MİRACLES BE WİTH YOU. MAY THERE BE NO HELL FOR THE GENTLENESS OF YOUR SOUL.

MUCİZELERE İNAN, MUCİZELER SENİNLE OLSUN. RUHUNUN NAZİKLİĞİ CEHENNEMİN OLMASIN.

İNAN! MUCİZELER HER ZAMAN VARDIR. 💙🩵

[persephonaae]

Let’s hear it for yellow fieldcap!

[pollos-pics]

lelloow

[l48yr1nth]

Share you favorite colors NOWW

i love to see and enjoy. all colors are beautiful colors to me. i see a color next to a color and it makes this whole living shindig worth it.

but yellow/gold/orange is my absolute favorite to find. such a pleasant and soft color! it's like a sunbeam with your eyes closed! an orange you share with your friend! the flowers you picked for your mother as a child! the honey you stir into your tea! the laughter that seems to come from nowhere! so many wonderful things from a color.

a lot of people will tell you that pink or red is the color of love but i think it's really yellow

[pynkchampagne]

🖤🧡 Lestober Day 15: Yellow-themed collage/aesthetic.

[heartbreakfeelsogood]

today i found a shirt with snoopy holding a rainbow heart on it. proof i’m always winning

[lellowberry]

Some of my most recent commissions

commission info

@grogusmum @novemberrain221 @chaoticgeminate @yespolkadotkitty @do-not-go-gently-42 @mswarriorbabe80 @writeforfandoms

[godandalsojesustoo]

at least i look good in black

[lellowcb]

‘California… knows how to party’

My friend randomly sent a pic of this shirt and I just had to draw him in it 😭

[gayboymint]

I THINK. DOCTOR WHO SHOULD MAKE LITTLE MINI SPINOFFS AND EXTRA ADVENTURES. LIKE THE AUDIOS. BUT FOR TV. FOR THE ACTORS WHO WANNA KEEP PLAYING THEIR CHARACTERS. ALSO. I WANT MORE OF DAVID TENNANT  THAT’S NOT. FUCKING WEIRD. CURRENTLY. 

[flyingspicerack]

My roommate said me and my esp kitty plush are literally twinning rn

[gaphic]

i have a new backpack which means i get to decorate a new backpack >:3

[wigglesdtuff]

lellow

[sylvs-furbs]

I finally made a mothby!

This was a gift for my friend and was done by me and my sister. All my friend said was that she wanted earthy tones and do wild so we did! She named them lellow

[thenickgirl]

DAD!Nick HeadCanons

nick x male!reader

disclaimer: this is all fictional and based on my own conclusions.

warnings: all fluff

a/n: alright so, reader x nick are married in this, and you have a little girl through surrogacy.

Nick as a dad:

♀ all throughout his youtube career he’s made it plain that he’s not too keen on children, but now that he’s older and once he falls in love with you, his feelings change. you decide to start a family and when it comes to your daughter Aliyah Jade, he’s absolutely obsessed.

♀ the day Aliyah was born was the best day of his life. after seeing her for the first time you both knew there was nothing you could love more.

♀ his heart absolutely melted the first time she wrapped her tiny hand around his finger.

♀ he happily takes on the role of a ‘stay at home’ dad. he quickly finds a balance between taking care of your daughter and the household.

♀ the first few months of her life were hard on, the sleepless nights trying to keep up with her feeding schedule, the never ending laundry, and bottle cleaning easily wore you both out.

♀ he is very (but not overly) protective of Aliyah. he’s cautious about who holds her or watches her.

♀ Aliyah is so spoiled by the both of you, but especially nick. he’s constantly coming home with something for her:

“i know i knowww, but i saw this and i couldn’t help myself. c’mon it’s so cute, look it!”

♀ he’s capturing all of her milestones. from her first crawl to her first steps to her first words, he’s got it all on film. he loves having those memories of the three of you as a family to look back on.

♀ he straight up talks to her like she’s grown. he doesn’t believe in the baby talk whatsoever, and Aliyah just smiles at him when he does.

♀ he’ll give her a cute nickname like ‘bunny’ or ‘pumpkin’

♀ he handles her ‘terrible twos’ like a pro. he’s taught her how to communicate and use her words. on occasion whenever she does throw a tantrum, he throws one right along with her, causing her to stop and look at him so confused:

“babe, did you seriously just throw a tantrum WHILE she throws a tantrum?”

“yep, works every time!”

♀ Aliyah’s preschool years are his favorite. he loves playing with her and chasing her around the house. he loves having her with him while he run errands, she’s his little lunch date and his partner in crime. he’s always down to dress up and play princesses or have a tea party.

“daddy can we pway pwincesses pweeeeease?”

“absolutely honey, come on”

♀ sometimes he’ll hear Aliyah slip and call or refer to him as ‘mommy’ and he just blushes like crazy.

♀ he’ll let her play in kids make up and give him a little makeover. he’s giggling the whole time, thinking about how crazy he’s about to look at the end of this.

“you look so pwetty daddy!! look it!”

“oh girl you ate! i love it so much thank you, pumpkin”

“let’s go show daddy how pwetty you are”

♀ he first trip to the dentist is stressful mainly because he also hates the dentist, but he keeps his composure for her. he’ll sit and hold her tiny hand through it all, giving her encouraging words to keep her calm. Aliyah gets through it like a champ!

♀ he loves taking her along to the nail salon, letting her get a kid’s mani and pedi. he just loves seeing the smile and excitement on her face.

“daddy, can i get lellow on my nails?”

“you sure can, bunny, whatever you want”

“daddy, you get lellow too like me!”

“okay”

♀ when it comes to discipline he hates it. he doesn’t like having to be stern or the ‘mean parent,’ it makes him feel awful. he always does it with love and never ever yells. he makes sure she understands what she did and why it was wrong. luckily, Aliyah is a pretty good kid, so he doesn’t have to discipline her often.

♀ when Aliyah starts school, he’s an absolute mess because he’s losing his little partner in crime. he’ll make her favorite breakfast and he’ll be so emotional the whole morning while he’s getting her dressed and doing her hair. once you all get to school and to her classroom he’s hugging her so tight, not wanting to let go.

♀ if Aliyah ever came home and said that there were other children bullying her Nick would lose it. he’d go up to the school and go off on the principal because why the fuck are they allowing this to happen!!

♀ he’s front row at every dance recital, soccer game, and cheer competition. he’s bringing the biggest bouquet of flowers and cheering, telling everyone around him about his baby girl.

“yesss you got this, bunny!”

“that’s my little girl right there in the yellow!”

♀ he throws her the biggest and best birthday parties. there’s always a fun theme, and every year he does a photoshoot for her. there’s endless amounts of food, sweets, and games/activities to play. he’s the best host for her birthday parties.

♀ if Aliyah ever has nightmares, he running t cuddle up next to her, holding her tight and telling her there’s nothing to afraid of, that he’d never let anyone anything hurt her. he’ll hum a little song and rock her back to sleep, not leaving her side.

♀ he loves planning vacations for your family, the three of you are always on the road when time allows it. he wants Aliyah to be able to see the world, show her there’s more out there than their quiet little hometown.

♀ once Aliyah hits her teenage years he becomes her safe space. he always makes sure that she feels comfortable enough to talk to him about whatever. he never judges and and lets her know that there’s nothing she can say or do that would make him not love her.

♀ he tries his best to help her with homework, but most of the times he’s just googling the answers.

♀ he believes in freedom of speech so if Aliyah starts swearing during her teen years, he wouldn’t care. his only rule would be that she only does it at home, and not at school in front of teachers or in front of other adults.

♀ he’s the parent that all the kids love. Aliyah’s friends love coming over to her house because Nick is such a fun and understanding dad.

♀once it’s time for Aliyah to start driving, he’s panicking. he lets you teach her because the whole process just stresses him out. the thought of his baby girl driving makes him sad but he’s also relieved that he doesn’t have to keep driving her around everywhere.

♀ when she’s out with friends, he’s got her on life 360 and he’s checking her location all the time.

“aliyah jade! go charge that phone right now, it’s on 18%!!”

“dadddd okay i will!”

♀ he’s there through all of her relationships and heartbreaks. he’ll hold her and wipe away her tears, letting her know that he’s there for her, cause he knows how earth shattering teenage love can be.

♀ on graduation day, nick is filled with joy, pride and sadness because his baby girl is going off to college. her childhood memories run through his mind all day, not wanting to believe that she’s grown up so fast right before his eyes. Aliyah graduates with honors at the top of her class, and Nick is grinning ear to ear, camera in hand, as she gives her speech, but his breath hitches at the end when he hears her say his name:

“and last but certainly not least, i’d like to thank my parents, nick and y/n. i wouldn’t be here without you. it was your unconditional love and guidance that shaped me into who i am today. i’m going to continue spending every day from here on out making you proud. i love you, dads!”

♀ nick is such a wonderful, fun, and loving father.

Bonus UNCLE!Nick:

➳ he loves having all the kids over for the weekend, sleepovers at uncle nick’s are always elite.

➳ he’s the fun uncle for sure, he basically lets the kids do whatever (within reason) when their with him.

➳ he always has the best snacks and makes sure to have all the kids favorite toys.

➳ he lets them know that he’s there for them, they love coming to have talks with him about things they’re afraid to tell their parents because he makes them feel so safe.

➳ during family trips, all the kids want to ride in the car with him cause he’s gonna play the music they like and sing along with him (even though he barely knows the words or who’s even singing).

➳ he loves taking photos of all the cousins together at every family gathering, knowing they’ll want to look back on it later and see how much everyone has grown.

➳ he’s there at all the recitals and sporting events, he never misses any big moment in his nieces or nephews lives.

🏷️: @mattslolita @muwapsturniolo @guccifrog @luverboychris @freshloveforthefit @matty-bear @mybelovednick @imsosillygoofylol @sturniolossss @nickgetsmewetter @moonk1ss3d @certifiednatelover @ghostking4m @meg-sturniolo