#and I already accumulated like...
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_(:з)∠)_ It's a holiday today and even when I'm out for errands, Xavier still worms his way into my brain...
Ramblings about Xavier and his red collar ahead~ (story spoilers, be warned) Apologies first. I'm not the best with words or saying things out from my brain... so It might be a bit jumbled, or I might've missed some things <( _ _ )>
I'm not going to be talking about anything new. Theories and such be everywhere already, all that's been speculated is all out there ><;;;
It's just my brain, earlier in the day, decided to re-frame my thinking about the collar a bit and just letting all these thoughts out somewhere that isn't inside my brain... moving on ➡➡➡
So... what we DO know about the collar is that it's something restricting Xavier in some way. It's just not clear HOW it's restricting him.
Collar is also something of the Ever Company's property, most likely. Since there's an icon on the collar that belongs to Ever Company. At most, I would think it's from the Ever Company that is from the time during Anecdote 3. (What if... Xavier is the son of the Ever Company president in Anec3... 🤔 I mean he's got men in suits tailing him all over... but that's a thought for another day)
Up to today, my guess is that the collar restricts his use of his Evol, on top of other things. Restricting his Evol, in a way, makes him "weaker". Xavier is very good (I would guess) at using his Evol and it's powerful enough to cause huge light explosions too. So he's dangerous (to the people that wants to control him) and restricting him in that manner helps to keep Xav in check.
Unsure if the Evol Resonance here being strong is due to Xavier's Evol itself already being very strong... OR... that the two share a deep bond since times of yore and she was just able to resonate much easier and stronger with him.
Okay. Main thoughts and speculations down below 😂 I dragged this long enough, and I'm rambling on a bit much...
The collar, restricts Xavier's Evol and...
Xavier, always overdoes it and uses his Evol past the allowed limit.
It hurts him in return, but he usually doesn't care any ways. If it's to save people and MC especially, he WILL do it
He can choose to ignore the limiter, but it will only cause him to use even more of his Evol just to overcome the limiter AND do what he needed to do
So to explain, an example in terms of MP from RPG games: His Light Explosion usually costs 50MP. The Collar restricts his MP to be only 40MP. Now, for Xavier to use his Light Explosion skill again, he needs 60MP instead of the usual 50MP the reason for my above thought is simply because BOTH his Hunter's Watch AND Collar were warning him in his Myth
This makes him even more spent, makes him use 2 syringes to recover... and potentially speeds up whatever process is causing the BackTrackers on Earth to turn into Wanderers (???)
If he were to resonate with MC however, maybe he can bypass the limiter, me thinks. But obviously he is very aware that he can't abuse this.
There's a possibility that he will still get the side effects after that, maybe in a smaller amount... and it's also to protect MC herself
Uh... I feel like I had more thoughts to blurb out... but after this many hours I think I might've forgotten them... 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠
~+~+~+~+~
And... this is how many times (that I managed to catch, that is) his collar has flared up: 6 times
(it'll be 7 if one assumes that when we meet Xavier, and he's sleeping... during that time he has already overused his Evol which caused the Metaflux explosion and was sleeping to "recharge", that his collar definitely flared red at that time)
Who knows how many more times before the Main story at this point in time (22 May 2024. Dating this just in case lol. Tumblr doesn't really show timestamps on the dash) that he's used his Evol til the collar turned red... and how many more times he is allowed to keep using it like that...
This feels to me like an unbreakable cycle at this point for Xavier... T-T
Both him and MC being each other's greatest strength and their greatest weakness 😩🥺👌
Ughhhh I feel the MASSIVE AMOUNT OF FEELS AND ANGST COMING WITH THIS MAN 😭😭😭😭 Please let this bebe live!
#xavier love and deepspace#love and deepspace xavier#xavier#churambles#also these is just a long ass ramblings i needed to get out of my head.... uh.... mistakes do be made and i may have overlooked stuff so...#I was JUST TRYING to take snapshots of Xavier and moments where his collar flashes red...#and I already accumulated like...#440 PICS!#I need help...#and more storage#<<;;;;;#this is how my whole evening went...#re-reading parts of the Main Story the Myth and Anecdotes#AND ALL THE SCREENSHOTTING I DID ToT
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ive exclusively been playing it by ear with the makeup (no tutorials or anything) and i somehow always end up looking like a secretary kind of so ive been practicing looking exasperated while wearing makeup cuz i figure i gotta work with what im given ya know
#image#thank you for all the kind words#i typically tend to stay away from full sincerity online because i think having a few layers between what you see and what i am is like#a reasonable safety measure for someone with a massive following to take#but i will say that im very lucky to have already accumulated a following of people so in support of *this* already#because it makes it much easier#theres still a lot of parts of it that dont feel real and probably wont for a while but right now#but while im just putting on makeup to feel pretty and posting pics for fun#before im ready to take a deep breath and fully commit to a shift of name and pronouns#just for right now#i appreciate it
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THIS is the look of a woman who knows she has just earnt some serious brownie points
#Tallying them up and handing Lisa the receipt#“I have accumulate x amount of brownie points this year”#“I'd like to redeem them in mistletoe kisses thank you”#Carla is Gonna be revolutionary to the Swain dynamic#Barely a month in and the difference already#Lisa once said “feel free to interfere in my life whenever you want”#And Carla has not stopped one day since#Swarla
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yea I don't think I'm finishing this, so here you go.
#i was a teenage exocolonist#my evil scribbles#sol exocolonist#sym exocolonist#yea its abt the wormhole vision#Ive got thoughts#or had thoughts#at one point#It doesnt seem like an easy life the more your experiences accumulate as u age ykno#sol already seemed to kinda be losing it just before turning 20#fanart#digital painting
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watching a yaoi film ( i mean actual yaoi as in japanese animated boy's love ) because my love of golden age shoujo transcends my absolute disinterest in the subject matter Okay it's actually because i know a girl who really likes it & i can't get close to her so this is how i'm dealing with that
#it's always this isn't it this is my one motivation#it's more of an accumulative thing but that was the catalyst#i mean let's see what this could say about either/both of us What can i learn......#i'm giving kazeki another chance#i feel like if i were a fujoshi that would be my area of interest i mean i'm already a fan of japanese takes on old france#so i'm curious...#it's just IDGAF about boys or men i don't care about what they get up to but i'm being mature now ♯OpenMind♯BroadeningHorizons#♯LearningOpportunity#well i know i'll love it visually anyway
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Give me Nicky creating a video full of blurry photos and awkward 2000s transitions for Neil's bday (not the actual one, the 31st of March one) with the "Bitch" song by meredith Brooks.
Lyrics come up, "I'm a bitch" and it's a still of Neil roasting on press duty
"Im a lover" Neil stealing a glance at Andrew, a small smile on his face
"Im a child" photo taken from high angle of Neil looking up at the camera, indignation all over his face, a granola bar in his mouth
"Im a mother" Neil pointing at Kevin chewing him out while Kev is saying sth arms crossed on his chest (or better yet, Kevin and Jean walking to opposite directions but there's a leash around their chest that Neil is holding)
"Im a sinner" shot of Neil eating pinneaple on Pizza and Matt and Dan looking horrified and disgusted on the background
"Im a saint" meme of the cat with the dozen knifes at its throat but on the face of the cat is a poorly cropped picture of Neil raising his eyebrow
#aftg#all for the game#neil josten#i just think hes neat#nicky hemmick#kevin day#andrew minyard#dan wilds#matt boyd#the foxes#also i think Nicky would have been so proud to have accumulated all the videos and photos he could get his hands on#purely because Neil hates taking pictures#and Nicky as a true gemini would have held on to them trying his best not to let it spill what hes preparing as a bday gift#when they watch the video Allison is howling from laughter#Matt and Renee are trying their best not to show their tears from laughing#Dan is taking a video of Neils reaction for safe keeping#Kevin is like why am i ugly in most if not all of these and Nicky respons with this aint your moment Queen Day stfu#also Nicky has added very hot pics of himself at the start and at the end of the video just fornit to be clear who made this#Neil doesnt laugh at all but chokes when theres a random pic at the end of Aaron edited in the among us interface#and theres the word impostor above his head#andrew is already planning to get nicky to send him the video even though he doesnt react at all during it#tsc#jean moreau
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this will always be the Christmas break where I got 4/5 of my teenage siblings and their partners all hooked on Stardew Valley
#the brother who opened it this summer went ‘oh it’s jsut a farming simulator’ and closed it after 5 minutes#the sister who’s on Y2 but already on her second in-game divorce#the brother’s gf who’s aggressively wooing Leah#the brother who’s just obsessed with fishing and only does the other stuff to power up his fishing#the sister’s gf who’s cautiously accumulating hundreds of thousands of gold#the sister who BLASTED through the community center like a mad woman#successful all around I would say#stardew valley
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another day of trying and failing to not preemptively ruin things before i even know how they’re gonna turn out

#i really thought i would be more excited today than i am. and i can’t tell if it’s because we waited so long or if the tour is still#annoying me or if it’s already seeing people say it is indeed like vide noir or if it’s just the accumulation of a really bad week#but good god i didn’t think it would feel like this. i’m gonna maybe turn on an old show i used to be obsessed with and clean and organize#things today and we’ll just have to see at midnight. also forgot to make anything for dean’s birthday rip.
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(vent in the tags) me thinking i've finally escaped financial problems: :DDDDD
life:
#idk why the image pasted like that but anyways haha im once again in a fucking pit#last month i was able to accumulate enough savings from collectively work and also other stuff#so i have a bit of extra in case of emergencies and additional expenses like taxes and stuff#but then guess who decided to not tell me he can't send me money by the end of the month - the time when i have to pay rent?#:DDD my beloved father#so i end up using the savings to pay for it#and i dont blame him or im not mad at him at all#especially because sending me money is already enough of a privilege that not a lot of people have#but at the very least if you don't think you can send me money can't you just tell me?#that way i can work for it???#because now im literally sitting with no money with food running out quickly in the fridge#i can't pick up a shift because whether its out of town or in my city it doesn't matter#i have no way to transport myself there other than on foot or on my bike#and i cant even cycle there without eating otherwise i'd basically sentence myself to death#so im trying to get by without eating for a couple of days right now but its just#sigh#i keep telling my father that i don't blame him and im not mad at him if he can't send me money when i need him to#but please tell me because i literally cannot take a shift this month because i need to study for the exams#and if i fail these exams i literally have one more chance to do them or else i have to repeat a year#which is going to cost us more in the long run#and just#yeah#maybe the hunger is getting to my head#im not going to open emergency comms this time because technically speaking i do have a job i can do#its just i need to just wait for the money that was supposed to be in my bank account to be sent#so i can eat and also i can have money for transportation#haku vents#venting#yeah no im just not in a good spot right now#apologies to mutuals and friends if i can't be on often
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the vanity needs a lace doily in the middle and a vase of dried flowers on the left. maybe a small bag of potpourri or a weird doll or velvet stuffed animal
whoever you are you know me so well <3
#the little pink vase on the left is empty soi definitely should put some dried flowers in there!#the doily for sure i was picturing something similar…. and the potpourri is a good idea i feel like a bag of that in the teacup is cute#also weird doll Yes i need to accumulate one more thats sort of smaller…. all my current guys are Large or already have homes….#unless I put the baby head in my room? maybe i’ll do that temporarily#thank you for the suggestions!
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*oc doodle from 2012 on a napkin* *printed copy of the communist manifesto* *notes from when i worked on a homeless shelter* *sonic the comic fanart from last week* *dostoevski book i didn't finish* *sketchbook with only 2 pages drawn in* *pendrive filled with pirated movies* * my literal honest to god passport* *porn i sketched now*
#im cleaning my room#*looks at the items in my desk* this hoe is deranged#this is not a joke btw#^ all the shit pilled up on my desk#the amount of dust accumulated on top of this desk is genuinely shocking#its a wonder how i havent died from. mold poisining. or something whatver#its like. tradition or wtv for me to clen my room beTween xmas and reveillon#but i hate it...... my room looks naked#wheres my lovely clutter </3333#genuinely how do minimalists live#if i walk into a room thats too big with too little shit into it i already feel kinda weirded out#imagine living in a bland ass house
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why . does the blower in my dryer . have a handy dandy pocket at the bottom . for sand and lint to accumulate .
#it was like digging through geologic layers of earth#I’m killing manufacturers with my mind#our dryer started occasionally screaming earlier this week#we finally had time to take it apart tonight and lo and be-fucking-hold#13 years of sand at the bottom of a little pocket#right where the dryer is supposed to blow shit out the vent#why is that there#just to accumulate sand apparently#things i said#also the rollers we JUST replaced like a year ago are already starting to wear out garbage garbage garbage garbage#Make Things That Work And Last Or I Will Start Taking Hostages
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u can use more tags to be discovered by more people
Thank you ^^ I think that I want to be found exactly when I am supposed to be found by somebody, I want a follower base of people who I can slowly get to know, so this is fine the way it is
I get overwhelmed on my 'main' accounts with all of my contacts, because it's quick to flood of hundreds of followers all of the time, and I don't know most of these people... It was just O.K, it's a good community of people, but I prefer it to be smaller gradual streams of followings who I can talk to who talk to me
#it's O.K or It's Okay#O.Kay#Or it's ok#ok is more like ock#ok is a shorthand of O.K which is a shorthand of Okay#I think this is true#I met somebody a popular youtube person recently (I met in real life) and was introduced and discord friends but I don't know his channel#because I am not very online...#Well there was a few popular youtube people I had met and made contacts with... I didn't know any.. I'm embarrassed#It's good to keep a popular main account (I somehow have the most 'followers' of most of my friends unless they are a minor celebrity..)#(but even then............. Sometimes it's still more...)#It's good to have a popular account and then a secret name account where you can be yourself#It's surprising I already 100 followers on my secret name BlueSky... This is really a lot of people to individually slowly accumulate..#I'm so happy to collect slowly people who I can get to know on a level playing field
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2023 go bye bye
#999 spoilers#art summary#art summery 2023#my art#shoutout to all my monster high drawings that are still in the oven#I haven't posted them anywhere but! my friends made them pins and I've sold them on cons throughout the year :3#I only started drawing them as a request from a boothmate actually and they're such fun designs to draw!!!#I went to a lot of local conventions to participate in the artist's alley and made so many friends that way it was wonderful#I think the next thing I'll reblog will be the game I worked on!#found out the nda doesn't cover me simply saying 'hey I worked on this thing coming out in a few months!'#so I made artist and cosplayer friends selling my art on the beach and I got my first proper job#....then I proceeded to give me a shoulder inflammation because my setup was terrible and it had to catch up to me eventually#but! already managed to get a new tablet and desk for myself!! it's even a screen tablet so there'll be a learning curve but I'm excited#I'm hoping this display will make things easier I always had trouble sketching on digital#and I am more carefully taking breaks now also because turns out relying on hiperfocus is bad for you? never knew#I was going through some stuff in the middle of the year there though I had so many vent drawings of akane from may to october qwq#not featured here are the tons of utena and umineko wips I have accumulated those were my favorite new media I got to experience for sure#in fact I'm watching the adolescence movie rn!! what in tarnation is this last act lol whatever! go Anthy go!!! floor it queen#also not featured the tons of oc stuff I made :D I'm glad I feel like I can start properly working on them soon ^^#but yeah that's that I felt like writing a whole diary entry in these tags and you read it and that's what tumblrs all about ♡♥︎
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Hatice and Ibrahim have never been more divided from each other up to that point than in E43-E44. While Hatice always sensed when Ibrahim was actually in danger or she's lost him in any way (i.e. E35 when she felt something in Edirne while Ibrahim was with Nigar), nothing came up when he was shot; he didn't even tell her what happened to him until she found out herself; they were seperated while he was recovering; the wait for Ibrahim to come back felt like an eternity to Hatice and she went through several breakdowns at once (and his carriage was right in front of her but she couldn't see him, her only thought until the very end was that he was dead, isn't that what her dream with the "crying" statues meant?); when he came back she wasn't allowed to spend at least some time alone with him as SS wanted to talk to him; even their sleep was interrupted. The only thing that Ibrahim asked Hatice to do was to play him his mother's song on the violin (I like to think that Hatice started learning the violin in order to become closer to him, to who he is, to his past again after what they went through with little Mehmet).... but he no longer associates even that with Hatice anymore.
#not even gonna mention Ibrahim being gone while Hatice was giving birth in the end of E44#as that is the culmination of all the separations that accumulated throughout E43 and 44#and I already pondered a little on what it meant in my “Ibratice and the losses of a child” meta#oh funny story this was supposed to be a post about Hatice saying they're bringing Ibrahim's corpse when the carriage appeared#as that is likeeeee oh my godddd the *FORESHADOWING*; she was even shrouded in green again too!!!! (lighter green but still!!!!)#but then I saw that this was just the Bulgarian dub again and the English subtitles translate it as something else entirely#which didn't seem like what Hatice actually said either but since I can't make out some of the OG words at all and there aren't#English subtitles under the Turkish videos of E44 I decided not to risk it#anyway goodness how much did Yakup's prophecy terrify Hatice#she really can't see anything *but* death at this point and how *won't* she when all her feelings always turn out to be correct?#(except the statues of course but due to the rest of the bad events they can't do anything *other* than feed Hatice's fear)#this is why Hatice fearing so much about Ibrahim's life isn't merely a matter of obsession but I digress#thing is Ibrahim was *actually* ready to *die* for once wanting his mother to *take him* in that dream#(parallel to Hürrem's E01 dream of course)#as he's lost the rest of his past (that's in the present) already; he's really been defeated hasn't he?#the only person left is his mother he barely finds as he's already lost her long ago both metaphorically and literally#but he finds her and he symbolically finds her in Nigar; this is what “home” means to him now and his look at Nigar after he woke up#is what made him realize it; Hatice is too far behind; close yet so out of reach while Nigar only seems closer and closer#so he goes after her to chase that “home” he got lost in but “home” isn't what he once knew anymore#(Nigar's tear falling on Ibrahim's cheek *is* an artistic device signifying love tbf)#magnificent century#muhteşem yüzyıl#muhtesem yuzyil#hatice sultan#ibrahim pasha#ibratice#hatibo#(also in the tags)#nigar kalfa
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#kee speaks#the poll is more of a joke than anything#i feel like i want to start queuing and tagging stuff again#i feel like i need a nap right now but maybe this evening i'll start going through the likes that I've been accumulating#for the past like six months or so#whenever the last time i had a burst of queuing stuff#which i think even then i already had a back log of stuff that i hadn't tagged and queued#there's gonna be so much in there#and now i realize it's only a few days until whumptober and my dash is going to back packed with new content#i still haven't looked closely at any of the whumptober prompt lists to see if i feel like writing anything for it
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