#and I do like how it looks otherwise I wouldnt post it lmao

[mbohjeezart]

Im never doing this perspective again

[yonpote]

ok i know i answered those hypothetical phivorce asks hours ago but i cant stop thinking about it. congrats anons ive decided i AM gonna jump down this rabbit hole, im gonna 100% seriously take this entire idea to its logical conclusion. this isnt even out of anger anymore i am just insane.

so, i'm gonna say dan would be the one to announce a relationship with another person. i think if phil were in a new relationship, he would not share that, whereas i think dan wouldnt be able to keep it to himself as per the nature of the yapper. are they also continuing to make content in this scenario? like on the gaming channel and as a duo? ok right off the bat, this is already an existing fanfic that was written in 2017. it's called Disturb The Universe so if you'd like to see another person's interpretation of a similar scenario, go read that LMAO. but here is essentially my own fanfic of how i personally interpret this scenario.

they continue to make content and it is the same caliber of gay that it has been since the return, but now with added knowledge that dan (and maybe phil) has a boyfriend who, presumably, doesn't want to be involved in dan's career life. OR is this a scenario in which the new bf DOES want to be involved? is he a fellow Content Creator? or maybe just a guy who wants to support his weird famous boyfriend and his weirdly close ex?

ok let's put ourselves in the mind of the new boyfriend for a second. how would you feel if you started dating this guy, whos really nice and nerdy and cute, but he just cant shut up about all his escapades with Some Other Guy? you go look up his name and find all of the work he's done and continues to do with this dude, and ok lets ignore all the written porn cuz thats just fan nonsense right, but just the sheer amount of content on this guy you went on a second date with, maybe even shagged, and the entirety of his adult life is not only publicly available but also INTENSELY tied up with another person, with whom he is still living and in fact Shares A Mortgage and even FULLY DESIGNED THE FLOORPLANS AND DECOR TOGETHER TO MATCH THEIR COMBINED TASTES AND AESTHETICS. like assuming you're not just gonna dump this guy for leading you on, what are you gonna do, just accept that you're always gonna be second place? and even if this were a scenario which you, dan's unrealistic hypothetical new boyfriend, are totally fine with not being dan's number one man, well that kind of non-monogamous relationship HAS to be something that is brought up before ANY flirting even happens. like dan's bio would need to say "polyam + partnered" or ANYTHING because otherwise dan would be a piece of shit.

ok now stop being dan's new boyfriend, and be you. you watched the twenty minute long announcement instagram reel that was apparently just a teaser for the 3 hour long youtube video that should be released at some point this decade. you'll always be a phangirl deep in your heart so a piece of you is extremely saddened by this, despite how many times in 2016 you said you would be happy for dnp even if they weren't together. but in the announcement, he made it pretty clear that he's not going to stop making content with phil. so wait, what does that mean? are they gonna post another gaming video in which the vibes are exactly the same as before? you wanna believe in your heart that dan's new bf doesn't mean that what he has with phil has suddenly changed, but (again barring this being a polyam situation, and let's say nothing about dan's announcement insinuated any ENM) that is logically not possible. so something in their content HAS to shift with this announcement. but it doesnt appear that they stopped living together, their latest video has none of their flirty antics toned down, and let's say the new bf is not a content creator and dan didn't disclose his full name and even his first name is possibly a pseudonym or so common there would be no way of tracking him down outside of straight up stalking dan, and the only public photo dan has with him has his face covered with a sticker.

so like, what would even be the point of this announcement? in terms of dan's public life, nothing would actually change, other than all of us constantly thinking of this new boyfriend in the back of our heads as we watch dnp consistently flirt with each other. i can understand where that anon is coming from, this WOULD feel like a weird betrayal. it could be a betrayal of us as fans that have enjoyed being in this little "we know you know" bubble suddenly having this sprung upon us with seemingly no benefit to us OR to dnp, a betrayal of phil who seems to be perfectly content with all of this happening but you just know can't be handling a sudden change like this all that well, especially when pertaining to his closest person in the entire world, or a betrayal of this new bae who just has to deal with the fact that dan is just constantly showing off his life-long best friend and self-admitted SOULMATE that he finds so fucking special when, even if new bf does prefer privacy, all he got in terms of public affection is an instagram reel. but again, this is all under the assumption that dan is the kind of person to do something like this, which is the point where all of this scenario is fully destroyed and this just becomes fic.

so basically, everything here falls apart because when it comes down to it, some aspect of this has to involve dan and/or phil being pieces of shit, and personally, i do not like that scenario outside of the realm of pure fiction. but i'll say it was a fun little writing exercise, unironically feel free to steal these ideas for your phivorce / phreak-up fics.

[demadogs]

You know way more abou this than I do so you're the perfect person to ask. Do you think it's still possible for season 5 of stranger things to come out in 2024? Because the general consensus seems to be now that it will be pushed back to 2025, but that would be a 3 year gap, just like the gap between seasons 3 and 4. But the reason the gap between 3 and 4 took so long was because:

1) they had to suspend filming for more than half a year due to covid, and then they had to film more slowly because of covid measures,

2) they filmed in many different locations meaning that there were gaps between filming scenes from each group since the directors and crew travelled back and forth I guess, and also building sets takes time; but season 5 will all be filmed in the same place so it will take less time,

3) season 4 was almost double lenght compared to season 3, meaning that filming obviously took way more months, but again, they said season 5 episodes will be shorter.

I know post production an editing will be just as long as it was after season 4, but I think filming will be considerably shorter, thus season 5 releasing in 2024 still being very possible (I'd love for it to be on summer since I hyperfixate on this show for months each time a new season comes out so I need it to be on holidays otherwise I'll fail all my exams lmao but I guess I'm asking for too much 😔)

i actually dont know much more than you do to be honest! but i do think 2024 is a good bet and if i had to be specific, im guessing fall. they said they want to go back to the feel of season one so i think it would be very fitting if after the time skip its set in fall. that would make it likely come out in fall 24 (thats not guaranteed tho. s4 was set in spring but came out in summer).

like you said, covid is the main reason the wait was so fucking long. they started filming in february 2020 so they had really bad luck. they barely shot anything and had to wait months to get back. im not sure the different locations played that huge of a role in how much time it extended the filming. they could have had different crew for different settings so they could film russia stuff at the same time as hawkins stuff or something like that. honestly not sure though i could be wrong.

you make a good point about this season being extra long too, but covid allowed them to write the entire season before they started filming so they may have been able to film more at a faster pace since everything was already written.

i dont think you should assume that post production will take the same amount that it did for s4 tho. we have to take into account that its the last season and they always up their visual effects game every time so post production work could take a verrrry long time and they may, and probably will, be doing completely new things which will take more time. will said vecna is hurting but he’s still alive so vecna probably will have a whole new look to him. if they wanna give him a destroyed gross mushy kinda vibe similar to the s3 flesh monster, they wouldnt be able to accomplish that entirely through practical effects like they did vecna this season, so that would extend the post production a huge amount. theres also the whole post apocalyptic vibe that theyll probably be going for in s5. s4 ended with the upside down basically swallowing hawkins so those spore things may be in every outside shot. all that red lighting and clouds may be in every episode. the upside down are real sets but they still gotta animate the vines and make them moving and wet and gross and again, that could be every single episode.

so to sum up, i do think 2024 is likely it just may not be until the fall. i would really love if it was released on november 6th.

[tenzobito]

Hiiiii how about obito and madara for the character ask game?? Hope you're doing well! -seoz

Aww thank you seoz!!! I am doing fine, I hope you are doing good too 💗💗💗

Obito

1. Favorite thing about them?

Everything? bxhabdhahsdhdh He's my absolute perfect baby warcriminal boy with no flaws he never did anything wrong ever in his life.. No but I think hes so great and his actions make a lot of sense and he's very relatable and tragic and I just want to hug him 😭

2. Least favorite thing about them?

That he had the audacity to die in the war and not survive and live a happy long life is ONE thing! Otherwise I hate him for being ridiculously sexy and also cute

3. Favorite line?

When he speaks 💗

4. brOTP

Obito and all the Akatsuki hehee, especially Kisame I think they are cool bros.

5. OTP

ObiYama of course ❤️ They both deserve the world and they could've both ended up in similar ways if their lives would've gone different I think.

6. nOTP

Noone I basically ship him with anyone he deserves to fuck and get fucked!

7. Random headcanon?

I think he cut his long hair again eventually because he didn't wanna look too much like Madara and still wanted to have SOME sense of self. And since hes letting them grow again later during the massacre he kinda stopped taking care of himself but eventually cut it again and it always went in kind of a circle like that because he has depression

8. Unpopular opinion?

Idk if it's unpopular but I think Obito did have some fondness for Madara somewhere deep down, in a very twisted and of course unhealthy way but I think if he WOULDNT have then he wouldn't have asked him things like "What am I to you?"

9. Song I associate them with?

I'm just gonna copy @wind-becomes-lightning here and say It's Alright by Mother Mother because its just SO PERFECT. Another song I always associate him with is Could've Been Me by The Struts!

10. Favorite picture of him?

His Juubito transformation like....

Perfect. SHOWSTOPPING SPECTACULAR yada yada

Madara

1. Favorite thing about them?

There's like two sides of him. One side is so fun and sassy in some way like he just roasts everyone left and right and complains about bad fashion and I stan that LMAO, but on the other side hes also a very sad character who went through a lot in his youth and I think at least SOME of his actions were also very understandable. ALSO I love him 💗

2. Least favorite thing about them?

Obviously the way he treats Obito, I like to just ignore that and give him a fun old grandpa personality.

3. Favorite line?

Everytime he swoons about Hashirama (sorry I am so blank when it comes to quotes lmao)

4. brOTP

Can I say Madara and Obito as a brOTP? I think they are very funny together. Otherwise I dont think he has any friends sorry king.

5. OTP

HashiMada all the way, they are my one and only my everything I've been obsessed with them since I am 16 or so and me and my best friend have a matching HashiMada tattoo I hope that explains it.

6. nOTP

MadaTobi. I don't hate on it or anything but they just don't vibe for me. Rather go and fuck his big brother, Madara.

7. Random headcanon

He has / or USED TO have a soft spot for children. He needs to protect.

8. Unpopular opinion

I refuse to go with the "Madara is very slim and pale" vibe some people having going on. He is BEEFY and TANNED!

9. Song I associate them with?

I have an entire playlist full with songs for him BUT my favorites are:

K/DA - Villain and Animals - Maroon 5

10. Favorite picture of them

I don't like this question lmao I dont wanna post any art here without permission aaah but I love pictures of Madara with cats :)

[coldvampire]

I’ve been moving so I haven’t had time to sit and work on anything really which is unfortunate because school is starting up again ech

butttttttt anyway my self indulgent thoughts that have been sort-of keeping me afloat recently are the rumblings of a couple new ocs who i probably wont end up doing anything with as far as posting goes since the recent reception of my stuff in general just kinda depresses me more lmao but moving on. i keep thinking about my weirdo human oc and her yautja partner, and how they met at the end of a hunt when the bones had been collected and were being brought back to the ship. she's a bit of a weirdo who inadvertently just sort of flaked away from her old life. didn't really mesh with anyone, wasnt hated but wasnt cared about either so it was Whatever when she took off to live a bit more remotely to work closer to her art. i maintain she's a taxidermist by trade and idk if this is realistic or not but since its my fantasy and i choose the rules lmao she makes a decent living selling off her pieces. some are just straightforward rebuildings of the creatures she finds but most are weird and wonderful imaginative scenes & sets (think like,, the rat pope thing only Bigger and done better lmao).

so the bones are her thing and she finds herself trying to take home a bear or mountain lion or smth like that's body at the same time the yautja is. she's not a threat to him like. at all lmfao. just this skinny little bewildered thing looking up in shock when he materializes. the acceptance is,,, weirdly quick actually? like there's an element of wonder ofc but she's still like 'well. strange shit happens all the damn time why not this too.' and in a wild act of autopilot starts to ask him about the other trophies he's hanging onto. i think he would be slightly confused by this but also like. its oddly endearing lmao, just extremely earnest in her curiosity.

something something time passes and a real ~relationship~ starts up between them with every earth visit (she offers to display the trophies, which,, hmm, no, but he Does bring her carcasses specifically for her to work with separate from the trophies lmao) & he just thinks shes the greatest. like yes, very much odd, but still, she's fantastic. 10/10 listener, pretty funny, good looking as far as he can tell, there's really not much to dislike tbh. he's slightly confused about her chosen lifestyle though, bc as far as he knows the humans are also social creatures not unlike his own species and he just assumes that there must be other people in the area somewhere she spends time with, it doesnt make any sense otherwise that there wouldnt be, & she was just so open and social with him in spite of the fact that he wasnt human, surely some other people must be around to appreciate that too?

ofc thats when the conversation gets a bit awkward and she tries to think of someone to seem less pathetic in the eyes of the hunter who, for whatever godforsaken reason, thinks she's interesting enough to keep coming back here for. well, um, not exactly like that? i mean, i do talk to people sometimes. um. when i sell sculptures to them, or when i have to go food shopping. i think the video store clerk knows my name, probably? hahah um. yeah. & for the first time it finally clicks that there is 100% a reason she seems so excited whenever he drops by and gives her the time of day, even for a little bit. those several-week stretches between visits are more than likely very quiet for her, & are almost certainly void of any conversations deeper than asking if she wanted reusable or plastic bags. and she seems kinda :/ unhappy that this has come up conversationally too, bc in her mind now he knows that there must be something wrong with her if she isnt normal in that particular way, and she was kinda hoping to keep that hidden or at least severely downplayed, because he's not From Here; maybe he wouldnt know? maybe she could just pretend?

its not something he can just kill and fix, but maybe theres something he could offer. would she like to come with him for a bit? not long, just a couple weeks. see the stars & some new lands (he would probably pick places that had '''easy''' hunts to ensure she would have a ride back to earth lmao), a break in routine to take her mind off of things + give some sort of legitimate excuse for not being able to talk to anyone. its a weird + temporary solution but his heart is in the right place and you know as scared as i think she would be (space travel is a Lot) i think she would end up having fun. it Would be new and exciting and most importantly, she would not be experiencing it alone. i mean, yes, he's been to space hundreds of times before, its not new for him, but he sort of gets to re-live that initial wow emotion through someone else and tbh thats pretty special.

i have more probably on this but its late so :p thats all there is for now

[ladylethal]

Dear diary,

Lol.

Maybe it’s constructive to keep journaling. I still feel out of control.

I can’t believe i passed the semester.

I’m probably so desperately embarrassing when it comes to the opposite sex. LMAO.

I should stop with my facial expressions.

I just always look enamoured with everyone.

Always spacing out.

Lol.

Fuck.

I should just act cool 😂

The dispensary guy probably knows I like him lmao I can’t go back there ever again.

💀

D guaranteed knows I’m obsessed

BUTTTTTTTT honestly

At least I don’t obsessively like his social media posts. Hahahahaha idk and I never message him really

I thought the best way to move on was removing him as a friend on fb lol and then i kinda felt bad?

Bc it’s been 7 years , am i trying to assign meaning to something that doesn’t really exist 🤣

I just more than anything wanted him to know we were cool

You know?

Like also considering the age difference, didn’t want him to get the wrong idea.

Cause everything was consensual and obviously i’m 32 yrs old???? Hahahaha. Idk. He gets all weird sometimes and wont choke me rly hard and asks if he can cum in me lol such a gentleman jk. Clearly someone had a talk or he educated himself on this topic but truly i don’t care either way.

Plus we had hungout since i deleted him so obviously it made sense to re-add

If he hadn’t reached out then i definitely wouldnt have either lol

I also apologized

It’s kind of embarrassing tbh like that younger girl oggling an older dude

Kinda unflattering for him maybe

Either way. I have nothing else going on romantically or what have you.

So i must exhaust this topic

Every fucking time i write that i “probably wont hear from him again “ and then i do like WHO CARES BRO

Clearly i cant flirt otherwise but also im super shy

Goddamn tho

Hahaahahh

I LOVE HIM HOW POINTLESS

[violetnotez]

I just read your headcanons about treating Mirio,shouto and bakugou's hounds and it was soooo cuuuute kafkksfbksgkbs I wonder if you can do the same headcanons for Izuko, Hitoshi and maybe Tokoyami? OwO ♡♡♡♡♡

Hey bb! So unfortunately I don’t write for Tokoyami 👉🏼👈🏼 but I totally got ya on Izuku and Shinso! ❤️

Original post

Music Collection | Tip Jar | Requests!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ ✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ:

Izuku

Please be aware you will have to be this dude’s nurse 24/7

He is just always getting hurt

No matter what, he can promise you as much as he wants that he won’t get hurt or he’ll try his best to be safe...

Lmao that doesn’t happen

You don’t know how many times you’ll be hanging out with him, and you’ll notice he has a limp he won’t tell you about

Or he’ll be at your door, covered in scraps and trying to convince you “it’s nothing, really!”

You and Recovery Girl are like besties at this point

Worst part is unless he’s like at deaths door he REFUSES to act like it’s a big thing

Like “oh my fingers are purple and look like burnt chicken-it’s chill”

NO SIR IT IS NOT FUCKING CHILL

He takes pain like a champ tho, like he will grimace here and there but he’ll never do anything but that

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧

“Izuku-for the love of-“ you huffed our with exasperation as you struggled with the hem of his shirt. “-just take off your shirt!”

Poor Midoriya’s cheeks were on fire, his face very much resembling a red strawberry as his bruised digits wrapped around yours, trying desperately to keep his shirt down over his chest.

It wasn’t as if you’d ever seen him shirtless, you had seen him like that countless of times....he just didn’t want to worry you. Yeah his last patrol was a little-rougher-than the rest...but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle!

But deep down he knew it looked pretty bad, the bruises blossoming under his skin, deepening with each hour as they were still pretty fresh. And even though they stung, and made it hard to move in certain positions, and-yeah it was kinda hard to breathe in certain ways....he was fine, he swears!

You stopped your tug of war against Izuku, hands falling limp against his thighs, your body hovering over his legs.

“Izuku please,” you pleaded, eyebrows furrowing in sympathy, “I know there’s something wrong...I just want to make sure your okay!”

“I know, I-I just-“ he stuttered our, green orbs full of guilt, “I don’t want to worry you!”

You huffed, feeling defeat flood your body, as you softly caressed the hem of Izuku’s shirt, his favorite one....

His favorite shirt.

It was cruel to do this to him, and you knew it was wrong, but of course you wouldnt actually do it...but that overwhelmingly cruel light bulb idea was now stuck in your brain and wasn’t letting go.

You sighed yet again, this time with an over exaggeration and devilish grin on your face.

“Oh, that’s okay then...” you stated, your words sickly sweet and understanding.

Izuku perked up, unaware by your drastic change in demeanor.

“R-really?!? It is?”

You looked at his slightly relieved face, smile still on your lips. “Yeah of course! If you don’t want to take off your shirt, I can always just cut it off of you-“

Izuku audibly gulped, wise eyes growing even larger.

You-you wouldn’t right? You knew well that this was one of his favorite tshirts, as it had his favorite hero on it plus it was the comfiest one he owned...he wouldn’t ever find a tshirt he loved as much as this one.

Izuku stared at your face, trying to see pass a bluff...but you were good at hiding your true emotions, eyes glinting mischievously in the hazy warm lights.

“So whats it gonna be ‘Zuku?” you asked softly, slowly trailing under the cloth of his shirt, leaving a lowing hum of electricity on his skin. “The scissors are right there after all-“

“I-I’ll take off the shirt,” he said sheepishly, cheeks glowing a shade of red.

You giggled at his expression, thankful he took the bait as you took his face in your hands, your thumbs trailing his infinite freckles.

He could be stubborn, but he always gave in...eventually.

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Shinso

Really doesn’t like being “taken care of”

Like don’t get me wrong, you dotting over him makes him all warm and fuzzy inside,,,

But, idk, he just doesn’t like the feeling of being weak

Kind of like Izuku, tried to deny the fact he’s hurting

But he is much easier to persuade

Usually just takes a kiss or two and he gives in to your efforts

If you have to bandage him up, he likes to be a big flirt to cover up his grimaces

Gives you a bunch of blush worthy compliments,,,,,

Calls you his “Nurse Babe”

Whatever the hell that means

Honestly, after an hour of having your whole attention on him he is hooked

He will never be the same again...he is a hoe for that attention for eternity now 💀

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧

Your finger were feeling as if they were being tugged out their sockets, the huge bucket of soft soppy warm water sloshing dangerously in its container.

You stepped into the room where a bruised up Shinso lay on the floor, hand lazily scrolling on his phone.

Hearing you enter the room, his head tilted towards you, his once bored expression peeking up into curiousty. His violet eyes watched you intently as you set down the bucket with a huff, kneeling next to his body as you submerged some towels in the luke warm water.

“Whatcha doin’ doll?” He asked, voice still gruff from a nap he had taken a few minutes prior.

You simply continued your work, small smile on your lips as you placed a few towels in the floor.

“Well, since the doctors said you weren’t clear for a shower or bath for the night,” you stated softly, “I thought I’d give one myself.”

“So a sponge bath?” Shinso said plainly. “I’m not some old man, kitten, I’m perfectly fine to take a bath-hell, I can take a shower just fine.”

You clicked your tongue against the roof of your mouth, shaking your head at him.

“When your bruises aren’t the color of your hair, maybe I’ll believe you-“ you gave him a small grin, swallowing down a ball of saliva. “-now take off your shirt.”

Shinso simply chuckled, an exasperate sigh leaving his lips. He knew too well that you were determined to nursing him back to health (even though he felt he was perfectly fine)....so really, there was no point in trying to believe him. And at this point...he wasn’t to sure he even wanted you to.

Having all your undivided attention on him was...nice-even if he hated admitting it.

“Doll, if you just wanted me to strip down...” he said cheekily, that shit eating grin plastered on his pale skin. “All you had to was ask.”

You rolled your eyes playfully, helping hin slowly peel his shirt off his skin-thank god it was a button down, or this would have been a hell of a lot harder.

But sitting in his lap, hands trailing gently against the soft skin of his abdomen and those piercing eyes watching your every move...it wa snaking your body feel particularly too hot for an otherwise cool room.

“Aw, you poor thing,” Shinso cooed with an air of arrogance, “are you flustered?”

“N-no,” you stuttered, kicking yourself internally for your obvious slip up, “I’m just wondering how the hell you lost so hard to get so many bruises.”

Shinso chuckled at your feeble attempt at a comeback, loving how you were so affected by this change in the atmosphere.

He deifnitely wnated to capitalize on this moment, his digits cradling your face as he forced you to look at him.

He grinned yet again, teeth biting his bottom lips as he gazed at you with a hungry look.

“Aw, but you are-” he murmured, his voice dropping an octave.

“-It’s okay doll, you don’t have to hide it from me...I like seeing you like this,”

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[ganondoodle]

yr brain? galaxy level. i wanna hear all ur lore and stuff

you know what ? im gonna write the basic plot for soogas backstory here now too-

- his parents were both sheikah soldiers serving the royal family, they were nearly never home so he barely even knew them and was pretty much living on his own from a young age on

- they both died while on a mission far away, but that didnt change much for him other than him having to find a way to earn money himself now

- when he was a teenager he was recruited by the royal family (he wanted to tho) which is also where he met Hibiki (my only real zelda Oc .. sorry gotta involve them now- this is how they look, although they are older here than when sooga first met them

i think i forgot to post this on tumblr lmao; anyway they are an artist and a bit older than sooga)

- since they were both outcasts with no relatives that cared about them they quickly became friends (tho it was def more one sided at first bc Hibiki is a way more extroverted ) tho Hibiki has been a bit longer in the army so they rarely went on missions together and only hung out during breaks or when they had both time off

- even after years of training they both stayed in the lower ranks of the army and never managed to climb to a higher one, part of the reason was that Hibiki didnt do a good job of being a spy, not bc they were detected, they just never had much information to report for some reason and Sooga always defended them when they got bullied by higher ups for it (you know how he threatens ppl) which in turn made him less liked and got him almost kicked out once (and yes, Hibiki did have a crush on Sooga but he never realized that even tho they made it REALLY obvious)

- you know the story how link got appointed as zeldas bodyguard ? with him deflecting a laser from a malfunctioning guardian to protect the princess ? yeah, so in my hc, while he did deflect it it didnt straight up hit the guardian back but rather was simply redirected and although Hibiki tried to pull Sooga away it still hit the left side of his face which is how he got that big af scar and lost his eye

- he survived and of course Hibiki was there to take care of him whenever they could, but the more time went on while he recovered it was made clear that the higher ups wanted to kick him out of the army after his wound healed bc they didnt think he was fit to fight anymore missing an eye (thats what they said but it was pretty obvious they just wanted a reason to get rid of him) 

- Hibiki reassured Sooga they would do everything they could to convince them otherwise bc they knew that all he ever wanted to do is be a strong and respected soldier serving the royal family, but who would listen to the worst spy in the whole army .. he got kicked out anyway of course and was forced to work as a farmer (more like help other farmers really) 

- from then on Hibiki was trying to be a better spy, so they could earn enough respect to maybe get the army to welcome Sooga back into their ranks

- but one day when Sooga returned from some field work he noticed a new grave at the corner of the village, and asked who died, it took some time for him to find out it was Hibiki who fell in battle bc after they left the village they never returned so the other villagers forgot even their name, the army brought their body back into the village since they were borne there and didnt have any living relatives

- that was what pushed his resentment for the kingdom and the other sheikah over the edge really, he stole some ancient hidden away sheikah scrolls from the elder of the village and used them to teach himself some techniques ... or at least TRIED to, the only one he was able to manage was a half functional clone, which he used to fake his death and live a live in the shadows, staying away from settlements out of fear of beign recognized

- he made his way into the gerudo desert where he never went to before, and in a cold night snuk undetected into the yiga hideout in the search for shelter since he wasnt equipped for that kind o extreme weather .. tho he didnt realize what he just did

- in the morning he was found after all and, understandably, attacked bc wth how did that guy even get in here ?? after he managed to survive for pretty long given the circumstances, he tried to flee but was stopped by master kohga himself, and while kohga was monologing about .. stuff, Sooga realized this might be his chance to live a proper life again and that pretty close to what he always wanted, so he promptly asks to join them

- positively surprised kohga of course cant just accept him into the clan like that, i mean Sooga was wearing sheikah clothing and got UNDETECTED into their hideout and took a nap there for several hours before being found, thats suspicious as hell

- after being put through several tests and challanges he is accepted into the clan after all-

- now fast forward post calamity (just a few years tho) the topic of Soogas origins comes up and he tells kohga alot but is interrupted bc koh ask him if the friend he was talking about was “a kinda weird artist” ... turns out Hibiki died in a clash with the yiga clan and ... was killed by kohga himself.

- Hibiki always carried a sketchbook in a bag around with them, and the clan took it after their death bc they thought it might contain useful info, it didnt, but since the sketches in it where pretty good they kept it anyway even if it was only half readable since it got soaked in blood

- that is a reveal that tested soogas loyalty to the clan like nothing else could (everyone in the clan including kohga, was expecting him to turn against them again, but were still waiting for him to actually betray the clan)

- sooga didnt turn on them tho, reason was, he managed to seperate the pages of the sketchbook that were stuck together from blood and discovered finely detailed art of the hideout, of its interior too and even of kohga as well

- Hibiki never had much info to tell their superiors bc they snuk around the hideout when on a mission but never with the goal to rat the clan out. they secretly admired kohga and the clan, even wanted to join them for a long time, but never got to do it bc they didnt want to leave Sooga behind but also .. they were afraid to tell him bc he was so focused on becoming a good sheikah soldier they were sure he wouldnt feel the same; they were torn between wanting to join the yiga but afraid of destroying their friendship with sooga ..

when they got into that fatal fight with the clan, kohga didnt even attack them with the intend to kill and they could have easily dodged or parried the hit, the reason they didnt was, ironically, bc they were so stunned by admiration of seeing their idol right in front of them they didnt move a muscle until it was too late...

this got longer than i thought, maybe i went into too much detail here, but anyway this is a summary of the backstory i came up with for Sooga, it doesnt end here tho, this is more like the story of how sooga became part of the yiga; after all of this comes alot more tho it wouldnt make much sense to add that here too xD 

sorry for the long af post, i hope its somewhat understandable ;__;

[majjiktricks]

A1, 6, 7, 10, B1, 6, C3, 6, 11, D4, E2, 4, F7

hoo boy this is gonna be a long post LOL ill put this under a readmore

yakuza questions from here !!

A1. Favorite character(s)? akiyama <3, majima, daigo, haruka, and kiryu ofc. if we count judgment too, higashi <3

A6. Favorite side character(s)? KASHIWAGI <3333 also rikiya. sherlock holmes girl from lost judgment, amasawa. shes so cute 🥺

A7. Favorite substory(ies)? the dominatrix one from 0 always sticks in my head as the first REALLY RIDICULOUS one i got and i love it very much. the daigo+majima one from dead souls, daigo crying in a cute little dress is still one of the funniest things ive ever seen. the one where, as akiyama, you get to talk circles around a bank scammer. the one where you take a ghost girl on a date in y7.

A10. Favorite weapon(s)? the fish cannon. i forget what its called but that thing helped me so much LMAO

B1. Which character do you relate to most and why? i too like to sleep on whatever surface is comfortable, have terrible personal scheduling, have significantly more experience talking to women than other men, and (wish i could) blow exorbitant amounts of cash on the good things for myself and people i love. guess.

B6. Are there any characters that you wish you could be more like? i honestly wish i had majima's ability to just. be batshit insane. like i need that in my life. i would rather be over the top than the anxiety-ridden mess i am now 😅

C3. Which character(s) deserved better? FUCKING. SHINJI. NO EXPLANATION NEEDED. god. and reina... and sayama...... pls give us a main girl who isnt a love plot to a leading man...............

C6. If you could revive any deceased character, who would it be and why? im beating a dead horse here (pun.. WHOOPS) but. the 1-3 villains. it would have been SO MUCH more interesting to see villains WILLING TO BE REDEEMED instead of fucking. suicidal. dead souls was a step in the right direction with ryuji, but we never got anything more than that.....

C11. Which character has the best taste in clothing? Who has the worst? genuinely think so many of these men do NOT know how to dress in a suit. not one that matches, anyway. i have to say majima has the best. because he simply does not care. and he looks good whatever hes doing. otherwise, yuya. i love that guy's clothes. worst... how to choose....... im gonna nominate minami for this. i get wanting to be comfy. but tracksuit pants? and JUST tracksuit pants? smh

D4. Which character(s) do you believe should have never existed in the first place? tbh i dont feel an unspeakable rage from many characters.. HM... if i didnt like a character, its likely i dont remember them. so. blanket statement of any perv characters tho. die.

E2. Bops: Haruka Sawamura, T-Set or Dream Line? was slightly confused by this question bc of the lack of oxford comma, but i can forgive it. i gotta say my girl haruka. i love her songs so much. dream is too slow for my taste so that rules dreamline out.

E4. Eat: Ramen or Takoyaki? as much as i love ramen, i havent had good takoyaki in so long and i CRAVE it.... theres a japanese place in the city right nearby and i just havent had the opportunity to go there in a while. ive tried it from multiple places but that ones the best. its kinda... mushy? from other places, where its actually nice and chewy from this place, and they give you a good sauce with it too :D

F7. Who are you fighting on the Millennium Tower rooftop? bro if i could hold my own in a fight with any of these men i would be set for life. uhhh. i wouldnt mind being tossed by saejima just to see what flying feels like tho. but then the pain.......

[freunwol]

you got some uhhhhhhhh ssau concept arts?

GHFLGJHDSFGLJH UH UM WELL a good amount of it is at home where i am not but i will be this weekend!!! and im sure so much is lost in old notebooks n papers n shit too... i was not good at committing stuff to a model sheet or anything similar. im still not!

case in point: this mess from this morning

(the first time i put this in the post there was a gigantic spoiler right below her feet lmfao)

im still kinda figuring out what i want but i wanna lean into like... a round gothic ouji cowboy look for lucid which is a wonderful phrase! u can sorta see it in that doodle to the side but i decided to opt for suspenders instead of a vest, it feels better. the huge sleeves are part of the button up though. whether they stay open n flare out or i go for the poofy look im considering is up in the air lol. the cowboy hat isnt though that stays

(also on the side, eun posing. hes so shapes)

the ages/timeline are all kinda mixed around (cuz like wm and freud are here but so is the resistance & neinheart and all. dw abt it) and i wanna make lucid younger than i had her in the first iteration of ssau. so maybe a little older than she was in her lachelein flashbacks, so like...... [the elven equivalent of] 14? they might be like half elves and age like humans til theyre adults but can you fucking imagine being a preteen for 30 goddamn years omg

u can see tentative shape notes on the side, also i did in fact forget that magnus exists and that i should include him somehow. hhhhh

as for older concept art... theres more than i thought!!

i realized a lot of it was in ipad doodles along with old computer files, which for a second i thought i deleted but i DIDNT theyre SAFE

p sure i posted this. the one on the left was basically his design concept tho lmfao... i dont think there was anything in particular i was going for aside from edgy and some black wings elements, and it never really strayed from that

not really anything to write home about (aside from mercs design looking NOTHING like that by the end omg) but look at that fucking tapestry

i also posted top left (i still think it looks kinda alright!!) im not sure what i was doing w the thing covering his whole arm but. hey

me too aran. me too. and a very brief glimpse at who i think is merc? my full design for her n aran are at home but there she is. i remember liking how they turned out, arans story has changed DRAMATICALLY but i can prolly keep a lot of elements lmao.. not too sure whats happening w her hair here though

i think this was actually her first iteration though. i took a lot of elements from the time guardians from tot (which i think was very smart and cool of me)... i used to do a lot of designs like this. how i actually remembered anything like this? answer: i didnt

fairly sure this is what i sent someone as a ref sheet for a commission. which is def serviceable but like lmfao. i honestly dont think ill change much aside from the headband and making the collar more distinctive? maybe make the shirt itself a lil more interesting, but honestly keeping it kinda plain may be best practice

theres other doodles but i wouldnt really call them concept art...or theyre otherwise spoilery. when i get home n can take pics of the other art i can find ill post em!!

im... honestly still really surprised and happy that ppl are still interested in ssau, it does mean a lot. ive had this au for, what, 6 years? ive always wanted to do this justice and i think now im really able to

[mattiekaart]

sometimes youre fatally clobbered by a really good podcast and you drop everything to design a cool bug. serant is the best

i posted that first one on twitter a while back, feeling very sure of myself that serant didnt have wings. i was on episode 26 when i uploaded it. then episode 40 hit me like a freight train and it led to me studying bug wings for a frankly embarrassing amount of time. paid off in the end though because serant is even cooler with wings. posted this second picture today and then remembered that this account exists and that maybe i should keep it more updated hahah

the leaf in the background is from unsplash! credit where credit is due.

here are my design notes directly transplanted from twitter but without the character limit lmao

first image:

love that these aliens are just "tall celebi" and wanted to go a lil wild with it so i chose some other bugs to throw into her design. serant in particular has wasp & mantis traits, which i decided on BEFORE i knew her ship was called the dragonfly. oops

i didnt realize until AFTER i gave her digitigrade legs that wearing normal jeans would by physically impossible without really specific alterations that i dont think i have the skill to draw, so jorts it is!!!!!

i actually had a lot of fun coming up with how to make clothes fit her. thats what the belts on her sleeves are for, otherwise she wouldnt be able to get her forearms through the arm holes lmao

its the same w the jorts except its an invisible zipper hidden in a seam so that i dont have to draw it. but it’s still fun to think about!

I threw in the turtleneck on a whim and im SO GLAD I DID for reasons i’ll get into later.

i poured a truly ludicrous amount of time into figuring out how bug mandibles work so that i could give her a more buglike face that could still smile!! it’s still pretty difficult but im getting the hang of it

i imagine there exist shoes that accommodate clawed feet, but the image of her destroying a perfectly good pair of boots so her claws arent cramped is kinda funny. or maybe the boots are just Like that and thats just how Boots For Bug People look.

before i get into notes on the second image please look at this tragedy. in hindsight this is so goddamn funny and it’s the best possible outcome but in the moment my soul was flung violently from my body

anyway, second image:

i wish i had the words to describe the full intensity of the anguished "NO!" that echoed through my kitchen as i listened to ep 40 while washing dishes.

thankfully the anguish was temporary because?? serant with wings??? when i thought she couldnt POSSIBLY get any cooler??

im sure its clear now why im so glad i gave her a turtleneck under her jacket that first time hahahah.

sleeveless turtlenecks are a favorite of mine to begin and it was so convenient that i could also make it an open-back turtleneck to accommodate her wings. everyone say thank you to sleeveless backless turtlenecks.

its delightful to think about serant dramatically whipping her jacket to the side and launching herself into the air

it took ~2.5 weeks to figure out wings. i tried to put random lines in her wings for simplicity but it just didnt look right, so i had to study why insect wings look like that in the first place

as a result i now know more about insect wing venation than i had ever planned on knowing. it was actually pretty frustrating until i sat down and did some reading about why insect wings look the way they do. turns out all the veins have names , and the way they’re placed and where they branch can tell you which species are related to each other.

serant’s wing pattern is mostly based off of european hornets. this website, DrawWing was super helpful!! it’s really cool, do take a look if its something youre interested in!

wasps and their relatives usually have two sets of wings, and the back set latches onto the front set to be more aerodynamic. i was already struggling with one set of wings so i just fused the front and back ones together. its aliens. its fine!!!

early on, i was agonizing about how the hell serant could even fit her wings under her jacket but then i learned about wing folding. it’s the most impressive and intricate in beetles, but insects without elytra (beetle shells) can do it too. did you know earwigs have HUGE WINGS?? youre welcome!!!

im so glad i found out that serant and melas have wings BEFORE i finished designing melas. the bugs i based him on are a little tougher for me to work with and i would have had to make a lot more changes and do more backtracking. im really hoping to have something concrete of melas done soon, but i got distracted by a fun idea for oh’eler . oops . in the meantime heres a messy little doodle i put on twitter as well as an alt background for serant. i wound up going with the copper one instead because it made her wings stand out more.

if you read all this, wow thank you! i hope you enjoyed.

[shattered-catalyst]

Intro to OCD for the RPC part 1/?

This is a balmy 6 page document on the VERY BASICS of OCD by a person who has had OCD for over 15 years and knows their shit.

If you want to write a character who has OCD this series is going to be a good starting point. If you dont know much about OCD I encourage you to read it so you can be an ally to those of us who have the disorder.

OCD is made into a cultural joke and when there isnt the ‘Obsessive Cat disorder’ bullshit its an angst off with other people and their non-ocd intrusive thoughts. Its different. Do your research and be an ally.

This will cover the very very basics. The next post will look into subtypes of OCD and how those are experienced.

 Whomst can write it? 

Literally anyone as long as you 

● Do so respectfully and not make a mockery of the disorder and the harm it causes in peoples lives 

● Dont make OCD the characters single thing or boil them down to it entirely ● Do respect the experiences and opinions of muns who have the disorder if they have concerns about your portrayal.

● Dont milk it for angst - unless you have OCD in which case release some of your angst.

● Dont try and say you know what intrusive thoughts are because they have *insert any other neuro a-typical thing here* 

● Dont police how Muns who have OCD choose to portray it. Its our experience not yours. I like to write out my characters OCD as I experience OCD so my experiences are different from other muns. OCD is very diverse in its effects but always ask if you arent sure.

. What isnt OCD? 

● Cleanliness or organization- OCD is NEVER an adjective. 

● Planning/ Hypervigilance/Organized/Methodical 

● Turning light switches on and off, unplugging things (find out more on later time)

 ● “I have to organize my pencils otherwise it bothers me” “ I have to make sure my mattress is straight” “ my nails have to be the same length” are all typical responses from people WHO DO NOT have OCD. 

● Making sure objects are lined up neatly 

● Having things go in a particular order like the letters CDO as the joke goes

● Really loving Cats, Corgis, or Christmas; if you own any of these items i urge you to reflect and also send me 10$ (jk but do reflect)

The Barest minimum 

Google OCD this will be an advanced version of OCD. This will be long but if you want to be aware of others or want to write the character you will read it. 

OCD is made of Obsessions. Triggers. Anxiety, Compulsions/Rituals.

1. Obsessions are the thoughts 

2. Triggers are the object/person/image/situation/smell ETC 

3. The Anxiety occurs is at uncomfortable levels to the point of panic or anxiety attacks

 4. Compulsions or Rituals are performed 

*There is a variant of OCD called Pure O. In this individuals have the obsessions triggers and anxiety but there is NO compulsion or ritual. This is still valid OCD. 

Obsessions are the precursors to the flawed unwanted and harmful intrusive thoughts: 

Im going to use you so you really understand this because its important.If you misunderstand this you are basically encouraging a mental health condition and dont get a sticker for reading this far. 

First check out this link as it has ALL the subtypes and examples. 

Obsessions can be hidden by the intrusive thought and teasing them out can be difficult to do if you have the disorder because well its a disorder okay thats why. It boils down to ‘i could harm someone’ ‘i could cause harm’ ‘ i may have accidentally harmed ___’ ‘ i may accidentally harm’ etc 

This is the flawed powerful belief that predate the Intrusive Thought. 

Intrusive thoughts appear in every brain on earth. They are not special or unusual however intrusive thoughts with OCD get stuck in the brain- meaning they stay there no matter what you do. So yes , they are different from intrusive thoughts in other conditions. 

The thing about OCD is that it latches on to what you hold dear; it may be you are a caring person and love children and animals- your OCD would give you intrusive violent or sexual thoughts or images. These are horrible to experience. They are not welcome nor appreciated and there is no benefit or positive side to having them. 

If say social justice is something you hold dear your ocd may take the form of intrusive thoughts of slurs, jokes, visuals etc. These are horrible to experience and lead to high levels of anxiety and are not positive nor beneficial to have in any way shape or form. 

Maybe you would not harm someone or you value others; your OCD may present as graphic intrusive images or thoughts around poisoning, stabbing,accidental..ly murdering (yeah you read that right), hitting, insulting etc someone else 

I must emphasize this because it is critical that people understand POCD: for the sake of those of us who have OCD read this until its burned into your brain. 

This is the fucked up awful Obsessive thought that you are/were/ or could be sexually attracted to children. This is NOT pedophilia. People kill themselves over this because they are afraid that these intrusive thoughts are true. People isolate themselves and dont have families out of fear of harming a child. People take work in different fields or avoid areas with children out of the absolute terror their obsessive thoughts could be true. This is NOT pedophilia. There is NO attraction present.

Most people who experience POCD intrusive thoughts would rather punch a sharknado than even THINK of hurting a kid in any way shape or form. That is why the OCD does its thing it is like having an abusive brain. 

Again for clarity's sake 

If you value social justice -> the intrusive thoughts violate social justice stuff 

If you value animals -> intrusive thoughts come up with harming animals 

If you care about the protection and safety of children -> POCD 

Triggers would be the situation, scenario, object, person,creature, context etc that is related to the Obsession. It can be literally anything. 

What follows is a hell of a lot of anxiety that can range anywhere from discomfort to full on panic attacks. 

Everyone has different intrusive thoughts and everyone experiences different amounts of distress upon being triggered. 

● As a side bar. Do not ever try and expose someone to their triggers or write about a character being exposed to their triggers as a way to help ‘cure them’ or ‘expose them’ to ANYTHING. What you are doing is literally taking someone with a mental illness and shoving them into a breakdown and thats a piece of shit move. Exposure therapy does exist and is done by professionals TRAINED in ERP. My parents did this a lot and I am positive I am not alone in that experience. 

Compulsions or Rituals: Now you may be saying ‘hey i know what those are’ yeah dude me too and I have had ocd for over 15 years and trained in mental health for 7 and guess what. They teach ya wrong. 

Compulsions or ‘rituals’ are any behavior done to alleviate the anxiety from the intrusive thought and trigger object. 

This can be as passive as ‘i am leaving the room’ ‘ i am checking my body sensations’ ‘ i am trying SO HARD TO HEAR MY HEARTBEAT’ .

 It can also be repeating the same thing over and over. To illustrate this I once mentally chanted the same song lyric line on a 3 hour plane ride because otherwise we were all going to die. I took one for the whole team.

It can be somatic things like counting your heart beats, focusing on your breathing, swallowing, staring and not blinking for so many seconds. 

It can be readjusting clothing until the seams fit. It can be checking god yes checking IK its a common trope but it IS a compulsion that has ruined my life and can be as passive as checking my reality or texting for proof my cat is still alive. It can also be checking yourself for assurance you wouldnt do the intrusive thought or that the intrusive thought isnt going to happen.

Compulsions are mentally painful and sometimes physically painful; 

● Washing your hands with scalding water for 5+ minutes can lead to horribly dry and cracking skin to down right BURNS.

● If you do the same movement you can mess up joints and ligaments. So if you pray constantly you may have knee issues from standing and kneeling.

● If your compulsion has you doing movement against an object ie say gripping and regripping something you get callouses. 

● If you compulsively exercise you may get trapped doing something above a healthy amount or say going from not working out to running a five minute mile and wiping out on a treadmill because your brain demanded it. Totally didnt do that... 

● If your compulsions make you rub against any object you can get friction burns and scars. 

To put this in perspective 15 years of compulsions have left my hands and finger joints a complete mess, damaged my arm tendons, friction scars on my arms that only now faded, and scars on my legs from doing too much of an activity. 

Its not lmao I gotta fix these pencils its real agony and real torture. 

In short compulsions and rituals are not fun they are absolutely not logical, and we know they are not logical but we are forced to do them. Thats why its a disorder. 

OCD disrupts relationships with social components such as ; 

Obsessively checking in with partner/friend if things are ‘okay’ (this feels horrible to do too fyi like you KNOW things are fine but you cant NOT because the anxiety is SO BAD), 

Relationship OCD is a WHOLE category itself! this ties into sexuality OCD where your obsessive thoughts prey on your sexuality (regardless of your orientation), your relationship, cheating or being disloyal etc.

OCD causes significant withdrawal from others, fears of being a monster, intense guilt over intrusive thoughts, disgust with yourself over the intrusive thoughts sometimes leading to self punishment. 

OCD leads to strange behavior which more often than not leads to bullying and ostracization. To exemplify this I have an intrusive thought that I have stolen something when I am inside stores, my check-check-check-check-check-recheck! of my pockets gets me store security called so often its criminal.

OCD limits activities that may expose them to triggers or influenced by intrusive thoughts ie: not being able to take the train to work or only getting off at bus stops with even numbers.

OCD impacts where they spend time, who they associate with, what jobs they take or even if they have a family or not

OCD leads to overwhelming feelings of guilt, shame, and fear over having intrusive thoughts or images that they experience which causes them to socially isolate or have difficulty in social situations. 

OCD leads to Hyperfixation: like a lot of other things but thankfully it is just hyperfixation and not different from other diagnoses. 

OCD leads to rigidity or structured routines: I have listened to the same CD in my car for 5 years now. Every single day. 5 Years.And Im not okay with that. 

OCD impacts standards we hold ourselves to and others: its like regular perfectionism but like add on 5 extra layers of anxiety! 

OCD according to NIMH statistics 

1.2% Occurrence among US adults 

2.3% Lifetime Prevalence among US adults 

34.8% Of Adults who have OCD suffer moderate impairment to daily functioning 50.6% of Adults who have OCD suffer serious impairment to daily functioning

OCD has strong co-morbidity with the following:

Tourettes Syndrome- is a genetic friend of OCD and if you have tourettes or OCD your chances of having someone else in the family is high

ADHD

Autism 

GAD

Eating Disorders

Depression - this is a big one along with low self esteem because of the intrusive thoughts

Writers like to make jokes about characters “being OCD” well now they have clinical OCD and you should consider fleshing out your character with this information just as you would any other disorder.

Batman (DC)

Riddler (?)(DC)

Domino (Marvel)

 Cyclops (Marvel)

[misterbitches]

Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas. 

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL. 

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t 

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers! 

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die. 

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts  more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more.  i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done) 

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom. 

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through. 

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao.  basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman.  anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord. 

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop. 

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t.  beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when  i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are. 

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of  bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid. 

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc. 

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me) 

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao 

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and  i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex) 

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

[bunnyriviere]

my god i cant get my head out of this mess so imma rant, then MAYBE i can focus on my assignment like damn babe i thought your passion is stats, why are you obsessing over a guy that doesnt care enough. huh? care about stats instead babe!!!!!! i just want to only have to care about maths but i know my life is ruined if i dont have relationships, so i try. but i must suck at it so bad if everything just ends in flame like this, im so tired im teary eyes.

im on my phone and honestly dont know how to do the uh line to cut short the post so if anybody unfortunately see this im sr :(

this is not even about a romantic relationship, i dont even know why i just couldnt like a person like that but damn fine. this is about a male friend i made in grade 11 i guess. i have never liked men. im afraid of them and dont want to have to interact with them ever. i know its bad and i should change but i just really want them away from me im sorry..... so i wasnt even friendly with him, but i was polite, i know how to be a decent person. he was friendly and nice and friends to all which only made me think aw geez just stop being friendly i know this is not because you like me. but i was eating the snack he brought to class anytime he brought it without much thought cause he offered i aint gonna say no. all the while still not consider him a friend. not until a friend said im not being nice if im eating his food while still not seeing him as a friend. and i have always feel bad about not being friendlier towards men in general and he made the 1st move which made it easier for me to just go along. so i did and thats how we became friends.

hes really nice and i mean it. i think really highly of him. maybe its just me having bad luck so i havent met many that are nice?? i really believe they are just myth tbh, im about to settle for that thought. and this guy is really how i wish is the standard for all men. hes just that good, i have no complain. i truly like him and glad that my friend said something cause otherwise we probably wouldnt be friends.

again no romantic feeling. i just have to, remind the invisible audiences of this post i guess.

now we all know covid. and because of it, i couldnt come home and wanted to lay in bed even more than normal. so i didnt push for it when he said he couldnt meet anybody in the summer because he didnt want to accidently give somebody it. just saying that cause this is a 2 ways road right, nothing is ever only his fault, its also mine. i want to rant about my feelings but i dont want to dismiss any mistakes i made yk. so we didnt meet up then.

christmas came and before then we were talking about christmas gift and i didnt wanna any so i didnt prepare anything also. this person is too nice and i dont want him to feel bad. but anw i just thought maybe we can still meet up even if its not for gift exchanging. but i didnt ask or anything at all cause well, hes from here, he has family and friends that are definitely closer to him, and he had work. i know hes busy and if he wanna hang out he know where to find me. i just dont want to accidentally add something more onto his list of to do. he would be too nice to say no. and we are not that close i dont want to add more work for him. i dont have relatives or friends here other than him so im free anytime if he wanted to meet up. but that didnt happen, i dont think we talked at all. which fine i hate to admit but i was hurt. ugh hate showing how vulnerable i am. yuck. yikes. -100/10.

i just didnt think about it? i didnt try to reach out either so that was my fault too but just, if he didnt care then i wont either. so i really didnt think about him anymore.

came reading week! it really was 1 year from the last time i saw him honestly. he asked to meet up and if i want to go somewhere and tbh no im in the countryside rn is that the corect word so there are no place to go. but i remembered this 2ndhand place i like to go sometimes and i hadnt gone in a while so why not. so we agreed on that. and i know he was probably just tired, and there are people who sigh a lot, its not uncommon. but not seeing him for a long while and knowing this is a place i suggested, him doing that really made me feel bad. i probably shouldnt, but couldnt get the thought that he was probably doing this just because hes friendly not because hes friend with me. it fucking sucked. when we got out and he dropped me back at my home i still felt so bad he didnt get to enjoy himself so i asked if we could watch jojo together. yeah he loves jojo. i dont really care for anime im so sr i prefer realing manga lmao sr.

now ok maybe im still being dumb, probably. but tldr i truly believe people can be friends and affectionate even when they are from opposite sex. it didnt work out so well cause i got molested lmao cause some other guy thought that was cool to do. so that honestly worsen my uh wariness of men. but like i said, i think ive said it, i trust this person. honestly i do, we hug a lot and i had never felt afraid of it. i believe he wont do anything. im just really comfortable around him. so we cuddled while watching anime, that had happened before im really sr if you think thats wrong, i still believe that could happen.

but maybe its because i was tense from thinking he really didnt enjoy hanging out with me that much. i kept connecting remembering what the molester did and while i just knew i swear i knew he wouldnt do anything like that, i couldnt get it out of my head. i felt bad for that but there were just 2 things that happened so similar to what happened with the molester. haizz he kinda laced our fingers together but it wasnt handholding, same thing happened once before with m-dude and it felt weird but i didnt want to question that friendship so i didnt. and at some point of jojo i kinda jumped and he held me back, not pulled me back or anything but was holding me in place, and it was probably to make me feel safe but honestly if anybody even use a little bit of force i will just think of when i finally got the courage to turn around to confront the other dude for touching me, he held me back and i couldnt move at all. i think i froze a bit.

argh back to the main story. see how i totally suck? hahaha just blaming this friend for something somebody else did. im so sorry, i suck.

well after that we picked up talking again but idk! was it me overthinking? was it? because it felt like he didnt want to talk to me at all. it was, how to say it. he was friendly yes he talked hmm. damn how-- it felt like he didnt care for what i said. its a feeling idk how to put into words. and that sucks. he didnt seem interested in me before, felt happy enough when we cuddled, then back to being uninterested. i knew i know he doesnt want me romantically. damnit am i only good now for hugs. are we friends? what i meant is not sex but am i only good for physical stuff? i dont fucking know, the m-dude obviously just want a fwb and i was to trusting to notice. is this my gut feeling or my anxiety idk!

another side story. another guy suddenly expressed interested in me right when covid hit but it was because he couldnt get over his ex so i stopped talking to him for a while and picked it back up when i thought he was no longer idk being annoying about it. i thought he had to at least like me as a person to even express he liked me romantically. but apparently not. he looked so uniterested suddenly and denied when i asked, then stopped reading my texts.

so you see. i just cant if haiz ok do- do anybody like me? just as a person? idk.

god i knew i fucking suck for being so sensitive and anxious and im sr for wanting stuff but maybe i want you to look like you care a bit when i said you are reminding me of the m-dude, instead of saying ok we can talk less then. i already felt like you dont want to talk to me, you dont have to say that...

officially crying heyho.

just saying no you dont dont like talking to me when your actions were saying the opposite is not cutting it either... i also thought highly of the covid confession guy too but what happened now. im sorry for comparing you to others! but i learn from experiences... and this was sus... (yah its a joke i cant help it.)

and if i just agreed and stopped talking to him right it just, felt like a confirmation that yeah its true hes just letting me hug him not because im his friend and he knows i like hugs so he lets me. but its more like its convenient that a girl is hugging him so he wont say no. something like that. that sucks. thats all im good for. if i were his friend, it would include the talking too.

ah!! i know we are not close, we are both casual friend. he is definitely not on my top list to tell stuff to but damn i still like him enough to hurt. and to not asking for too much.

so anw i kept talking with the anxiety that never got solved and that made me frustrated and i picked at his insecurity to made him hate me enough to stop talking to me cause i couldnt bring myself to stop, id feel so bad. this is really toxic and i admit this is not the first time ive done it, to a different person but its the same thing.

hahaha act like i hate him while just want him to see how i feel so bad. yeah im a tsundere.

it worked so i stopped talking to him for a week and focused on talking to my other friends. friends i know without a doubt love me and want me because i really didnt feel that with him at all. sorry i know you were tired with covid.

that made me felt better and i was not in panic mode anymore, i can calmly assess things now. and before, i felt bad because i truly believed i was just seeing things, i couldnt see pass my anxiety and was blaming him for what, nothing. he did want to talk to me. but my mind was clearer after that one week and yeah i cant really make more excuses? yes i was sensitive and made things worse, but there must be something for me to pick up first. it didnt just come out of thin air.

so i sent him some texts saying that, because just leaving without a word is bad communication. i have to tell him and at least give him a chance to change i guess? did he need change? im doubting myself.

i- hm he just said yeah his look and way of talking really make him look like hes tired and uninterested, and laughed at my marie kondo joke. you know the one. idk! all i saw in that was yeah thats how it is, accept it. and i-- i, cant? i dont want to... i dont want to :(

but my mindset for just about anything is value the process, not the result, like as long as you put work in! thats great! and he- he was, talking... he put work in..... i would feel so bad to deny it. but at the same time, it was not enough... i hate! to say you need to do at least this and that! but it didnt feel like enough..... im sorry :(((( i am.

ive talked about my tendency to lash out. last time i didnt want it but i had to get away quick so i didnt mean it but i still did it. but this time i was truly angry. because i just wished there was more care for me but i know that was all there was, and i couldnt do anything about it. couldnt even ignore him. he was even drier then, and i got it, i lashed out at him, ofc he wasnt going to be friendly. but just why were you trying so hard... no, no it was not trying hard, you were answering texts at the speed of once every 2 days. why were you answering at all? you clearly didnt want to. but again so was i. did i really have a say.

so i sent angry texts at him. about how fake his friendliness was, did he really consider me friend, why did he keep saying no it was not that he was uninterested while it was obvious that he was. also that i want to fight him. i really do want to. hopefully he will beat me up hard enough that i can be in a coma and die in 9 months idk. (listen 9 months is enough time to make a new human, if im not awake by then, you need to let me go, thats my wish.)

he said that no he doesnt like to fight and thats the last text i got from him.

because ofc i dont hate him him, the whole him idk what im saying. just angry and hate that hes not matching me on how we value this relationship i guess. not besties like how he likes to joke, but eh, was hoping more than what i was sensing. i still sent a text being like ok fine do you still want to talk and if so how do you want me to do. but he didnt answer it in time so i decided for him that nah we wont talk anymore.

heyho i was sad, i am sad. and ok hear me out, HEAR ME, i dont use tarot for future but just for my feelings and how to deal with them, and my deck said ok babe this is the end, you will have to move on now. so i will.

tbh lmao for every relationships that i emotionally invested in. i always make an essay on my feelings because thats how i conclude things, and so i wont forget that my feelings are legit. so the moment i started this post, hes dead to me i guess.

wow this post is long. but i did really like him so.

im moving to uni city next month but i know he will leave in the summer so i wont have to worry about seeing him then. and probably not further in the future either, we go to different uni and are quite far away and our common are not gonna question things i dont think. dont think they would even notice, we are not in a group or anything. and even if i do end up meeting him. my feelings while was anger, but it stemmed from sadness and disappointment so it wouldnt be too bad. on the other hand... m-dude..... i am afraid of meeting you, lets please please please not meet damnit.

[amaet]

how do you do fellow kids

feels so fucking weird to post here again lol. it wasnt even that long ago yet it feels like a god damn eternity

im just rambling i guess. but is that not what blogs are for?

never got a larger following anywhere than here on tumblr, even tho i still think this site is shite lmao. this used to put so much pressure on me. i took a huge break after what su did to me (that is, cause a lot of anxiety and negative emotions bcs of my unhealthy attachment to that one ship that in the end didnt even get much attention, that i still think deserved so much more) but as i grow older i stop giving a fuck. i recently looked tru twitter again, looked at all the newest crispy memes and art and stuff, and realized i just dont give a shit anymore. im so tired. i feel like i have too much going on in my own head to go and sit on social media lmao. way to feel like an old fart but im turning 26 this summer so basically im one foot in the grave already

its so weird when technically speaking everything in your life goes well, but you still feel like shit. im attending college (a little late but better than never) im gonna be making my graduation diploma starting this summer, which will be (most likely) a video game. i might get to collaborate with talented people on coding and music for it. im learning new stuff, including 3d modeling, and i enjoy it. my future is looking bright, there are careers i will be able to start that will let me develop even more. and yet i feel bad. im either without energy, or i feel sad and miserable, and i constantly feel like a failure. i take medication for anxiety and technically depression as well, and it stabilized me so much, but i still fail to deal. and i dont know what to do other than wait for whatever future throws at me. but i just dont know. existence is kind of tiresome. i play video games as i waste time to keep my brain occupied. i might have add but diagnosis in adults is basically non existent in the field of psychiatry so thats cool 

whats funny is that this post will actually be read by like 6 people tops (who are my friends and still are active here maybe) and yet theres something about narcissistically venting to a potentially large crowd of all of my followers thats satisfying, in a way. do i feel slight relief?

hmm maybe its the fact i havent drawn anything for myself in what feels like ages that makes me feel like absolute shit. i dont even doodle anymore, nothing comes out right. only commissions and school work keep my productivity at bare minimum, otherwise i feel like i wouldnt draw at all. maybe its because su used to be such huge inspiration for me, and now that its causing me nothing but anger and sadness, i lost my main subject i used to doodle lol... i have my characters and other stuff i can draw, if i attempt to doodle its usually digimon actually, but the fire is gone

i kinda miss the old days where i would write crazy theories about su. i had so much passion in me lol. i was so optimistic and naive. but ultimately i depended on the show way too much to validate me and it failed me, and now nothing but sorrow remains. way to be dramatic about a kids cartoon i know

dunno what else to write. grarrr give me attention rrr

heres a beautiful piece of music from akira for you as thanks for reading this lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKvtbH8qUWU

[drageverywhere]

How cute are they?I stan. —in hell. I’m kidding

I stan in hell... please 😂😂 but no I’m going to answer the question, they ain’t cute for real, for real.

Why, when I would like to see v and b content, am I forced to see b and e content. No ma’am. No thank u no ma’am lol. Wearing awful clothes furthermore. No offense but b needs to date v again for the style factor alone 😂😂😂

“Wearing awful clothes furthermore” 😂 but you’re very right, I can’t deny it this time lol

She needs to date V again. Period.

Looks like B and Evita are going on a road trip

oop guess b and mr evita are off on another lil couples trip lmao

👍

See the more pics and stuff B posts of Evita the better I feel, when they were actually dating summer last year B rarely if ever posted pics of them together. Its only because we put two and two together we were able to work out when they were together. This time round it seems very clearly a friendship otherwise B wouldnt be posting them publically

She has been extremely insistent with the “I’m very single” for months but 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m really trying to not like B and Andres but I actually don’t mind seeing them together (though I don’t think they’re anything more than friends at the moment-even if that have or are currently hooking up). I will say that he kind of gives me older V vibes so at least we’re getting a little peak into B’s physical type (since so far she hadn’t seemed to like one particular style of guy)

Yes a boring and old dollar tree version of V.

And I’m like the opposite, I don’t mind whatever they are, I just don’t want to see him again.

Why do you not want to see him again? Like if B is happy with him what’s the problem?

Who said there is a problem? Brooke happiness and me not wanting to see that dude again are two separate things.