#and I used to be in excellent standing

[hells-greatestdad]

//

Tomorrow morning I will wake up for a morning shift at work, then I'm going to have a 4 day staycation from Tuesday til Friday

Goodness knows I need a break from that place lately....

[boyfriendtodeathconfessional]

By now I've made plenty of posts about Ren, so at the risk of looking like a simp, I'm going to explain why he unquestionably wins the long term battle royale. Let me specify, I am not saying Fox would beat every other character in the BTD-verse. I'm saying every version of Ren Hana clears with little challenge. If I were a gambler, I would put a hypothetical retirement fund on him winning. I will stand ten toes down on his victory for one simple attribute of his that I never see mentioned: luck.

At first, this may seem like a strange claim. How could Ren possibly be considered lucky? According to him, his family hates him. He wasn't able to find a companion despite all his efforts. He was kidnapped and tortured for months on end by Strade. These are all certainly bad things. Yet when we zoom out and get a broader context for what happened, his luck becomes clear.

First off, he's a fox beastkin and his lineage was frequently mistaken for kitsune. In Japanese Shinto belief, kitsune are messengers of the god Inari and are bringers of luck and good fortune. Gato and the rest specifically said his family was believed to be kitsune. Considering foxes are considered lucky in Japan by extension, this hardly seems like a coincidence. "Okay, big deal," you might say while rolling your eyes, "So he looks like something that's lucky, what difference does it make?" I'd like to remind everyone that Ren was the first of his mother's children she decided to keep alive. My boy was cheating death before he even got out of the cradle.

We learned that he ran away to Canada from Japan at a very young age. By himself. Possibly not knowing English. This alone would be impressive, but by the time Strade finds him, he's doing a lot better than one would expect a 5'1" teenage runaway would be doing. He's clearly found a way to keep himself fed, he's clean, has on decent clothes, and he's in a stable enough position to score a date! Sure, his date stood him up, which led to Strade finding him, but given how long he's lived in Canada by himself, it's a miracle he didn't run into someone like Strade even sooner.

And then there's his meetup with Strade. This may be a point of contention for some, but Ren made it out of Strade's clutches... remarkably well. Bear in mind, Strade was fully intending to kill Ren, and just by a stroke of luck(!) he decides to collar Ren instead. I can't stress how crazy this is to me. Strade has made so many people beg and cry for their lives that it's literally his online handle, and Ren manages to be the one person who actually convinces him?! Add to it, Strade bleeds out in front of Ren without Ren having to do anything. He not only outlives Strade, doesn't get any of the guilt he could have had for killing him. He gets all of Strade's info for his logins, his bank accounts, his car, his house, and the neighbors just believe Ren whenever he gives them a flimsy ass justification for why he's there!

When he gets to become Fox, he not only ends up as a snuff streamer, he ends up as the biggest snuff streamer of all time. Even hardened criminals and killers fall in line when he wants them to. He runs an operation that possibly spans multiple countries. He has his very own auctions. His work has far and away eclipsed Strade's, and he does it all without fear of the police.

Now with all this being said, who could possibly stand a challenge against Ren Hana?

Lawrence: He got bamboozled by Ren not once but twice in BTD2. He poses a greater risk to himself than anyone. In TPOF, he just fucks off to the bottom of a lake and waits for the river to claim him. Good luck putting up a fight as a skeleton, dummy. Point goes to Ren.

Strade: 0. Ren: 1. Nuff said.

Celia/Derek: I'm lumping them together, as Ren could easily expose Celia or Daddy Goffard for their twisted tastes. Once he does, it's all over. Full scale investigation into their businesses. Assets seized. Accounts frozen. Ledes and Goffards are personae non grata. No one will miss them.

Mason: Mountain Bear walks the walk on his home turf, but he's impatient. Beyond setting up a couple traps, he lacks the ability to plan. All it will take is him coming to Fox in the city, and Fox's thugs will help him get real acquainted with nature. Last camping trip he'll ever take will be six feet underground.

-☢️

.

[pennamepersona]

established cards/wines and once cards is acceptably batsexy enough spices tries to hit on cards to humiliate wines by stealing its lover

but cards looks at it with an open mixture of pity and disgust and literally says "yikes" and this is why spices hibernates until the next Summer Catastrophe when hopefully everyone will be distracted enough to forget how cringe it was

[fisheito]

A while back you made a post talking about yakumo and his sensitivity to temperature and I haven't stopped thinking about it. imagine when winter comes around and yakumo becomes progressively sluggish, usually staying in the kitchen and not leaving for hours, always making something near the stove to feel a little warmth from the flames or from a little taste of the things he's making (soup probably), or him picking up the habit of bundling himself up and staying in the library to read and nap. maybe when it starts getting even colder he barely leaves his room because its too uncomfortably cold for him, and if he does he's probably looking for eiden to help him warm up, but if eidens not around he gets antsy and looks for somebody else in the mansion, but he's too shy to ask and looks at whoever with his wet eyes so they know he's cold and wants a cuddle

*inhales deeply* ah yes. you understand. you envision it all so clearly. rightly so. gEt in the wAy, everybody, snake burrito walking the halls very very slowly!!!!!!! (i was about to say get OUT of the way but that would probably make yakumo colder so why not do him a favour and collide with him on your way to another room)

[sieglinde-freud]

i love him soooo much i love him so so so much

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: December 18

“On the Steps of the Palace" from Stephen Sondheim's best musical "Into the Woods" (I'm partial to the original Broadway cast recording, but the 2002 revival is also good)

[baejax-the-great]

Remembering why I didn't like Ragnarok all that much

[courtesanofdeath]

?

[theflirtmeister]

anyone smart know why my work laptop literally needs to be restarted twice a day + screams constantly??

[houkagokappa]

@ihearasound you managed to catch me during one of those rare occasions it's not pitch black where I live so here are my figures and artbooks! It's a bit messy, I should clean things up but overall I'm happy with what I've got :)

[ragnar0c]

How the EO3 HD steam vrs has been going

[crescentfool]

based on a true story (ft @shoujok and @seashellshades)

[darcyfirth]

finished reading another book for this year 🥳

[giantkillerjack]

Literally every piece of cookware/dish that has ever been devised in the history of mankind: You can wash me with soap and water!

Cast iron skillet: tehe 🤭 soap and water? I guess that's fine if you like your steak rusty haha 🙈 I can only be washed with salt and oil and lemon and spit or I will immediately die haha so just spit on me okay spit on me and make me clean, mommy 🤗🥵😏💦👅👅👅

Me:

[cagesings]

do you understand now

[ziracona]

The green knight halfway through the tourney walking in from the break after his first intense battle to find the yellow knight has thrown his sword embedded six inches into the ground in green section, demanding satisfaction and screaming about challenging green NOW because my little brother and his friend kept booing yellow whenever he came by all night: