#and I'm pretty sure my hormones are out of whack

[debbiechanclub]

I think life is catching up to me

[here2bbtstrash]

Kick in the door waving the coco hello it's me, your favorite omega here to request some consented somno for Jihope because energized and wired post-concert Hobi using sleepy and flushed eager to please Jimin has rotted a hole inside of my brain the size of lake Michigan. I love you. Did I mention I love you? Okay cool I love you.

OH HELLO LOVE OF MY LIFE !!!! this idea has also rotted straight thru my brain so thank u for sharing it with me and putting it in as a request so i can subject everyone to the jihope agenda 😭 this got soft af because of who i am as a person but i refuse to apologize!!!!!!!

~taking jihope drabble requests all month!!~

pairing: jimin x hoseok wordcount: 1k on the dot 💪 contains: heads up!!! this is literally member x member!!! so perhaps do not read it if that is not ur bag !!! POV switch bc i was feelin feisty, post-hobipalooza hehe, jihope have fucked before but they're not like together (but they Are in love), very small amounts of biting and scratching, anal fingering (w lube ofc), protected anal sex, consensual somno obvi, a little under-negotiated within the context of this specific scene but I HAD LIMITED WORDCOUNT OKAY everyone is FINE WITH IT i swear, dirty talk, overuse of the word hyung bc i'm me, and there are some lines in here that really punch me in the chest emotionally so uhhhh have fun !!

~*~

Hoseok can’t sit still.

He’s got that post-adrenaline energy running through him, giggly and stupid in the afterglow, and Jimin can’t keep up. Not with the bone-deep exhaustion that’s settling into him, his body thoroughly out of whack from waking up on the other side of the world this morning.

Jimin drops onto the mattress like a stone, and Hoseok pounces. He’s all hard angles, slimmed down from stress like this– knees digging starbursts into the duvet, sharp elbows and dainty wrists caging Jimin in as Hoseok covers the body beneath him with his own. 

They mouth at each other, Hoseok really laughing more than kissing. His teeth catch on the plump fruit of Jimin’s bottom lip; his breath comes hot in Jimin’s mouth.

Jimin sinks into the familiar warmth, the fireworks that pop in his gut when their hips slot together. His cock twitches in his pants.

“Jimin-ah,” Hoseok rasps, nose skimming the line of Jimin’s jaw. “This still okay?”

It hasn’t happened in a while. It’s sweet, Jimin thinks, that he asks, even after all this time. He answers with a sleepy nod.

“Tired, baby?” Hoseok croons.

Another nod, this one purposefully cute.

“Hyung’s keepin’ you up, huh?”

Jimin’s eyes blink open– when did he close them?– when Hoseok shifts a little above him. He catches glimpses, slips of honey skin, in the gaps between the buttons of Hoseok’s shirt, bought oversized and now enough to drown in.

This lingering feeling has been surging up in Jimin’s chest all night, and it hits him again with the way Hoseok’s looking at him: overwhelming, right behind his ribs, ocean-deep.

“Not,” he answers, voice mostly air– he’s made himself hoarse, he screamed so much at the show. Hoseok’s pretty painted nails are already dragging down the zipper of his shirt, pressing faint pink lines into the smooth skin they find beneath it.

Jimin is pliant, letting himself be played with. He lifts up enough for Hoseok to work him out of his clothes and tries to remember what he was even saying. “Want you to. I like it.”

“Gonna let hyung fuck you right to sleep?” Hoseok punctuates the question with another sweet laugh and kneels up to strip himself, efficient as ever.

Jimin’s own giggle flutters through him, face flushing a little. “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

It’s true, they’ve done this before: just one of those things that happened, growing up together. Sharing cramped bedrooms and ruined sleep schedules and adolescent hormones; using each other’s willing bodies, fucking to shake off fear, adrenaline, jetlag.

With a grunt of effort, Jimin gracelessly flops over onto his stomach. His favorite way to take it. He’s sure Hoseok still remembers.

“‘M your fan,” he slurs into the pillow, the world already smeared at the edges when he tries to look back at Hoseok. “Your groupie, hyung. Let me watch from backstage, took me to your hotel room, so fuck me.”

“Aw, baby,” Hoseok purrs. “‘Course I will. You came all this way.”

Jimin can feel it now, the firm outline of his own cock, filled out and pinned beneath him. He thinks he feels Hoseok’s hands, too, warm on his thighs, guiding them apart.

There’s a click– probably the travel-sized lube Hoseok keeps in his meticulously organized toiletries bag, Jimin remembers that from the last tour– and it’s chased by the warm, wet stretch of Hoseok’s fingers slipping past his rim.

“Fuck,” Jimin breathes. “Feels good, hyung.”

“Just relax,” Hoseok murmurs, pressing deeper, rubbing at his walls. “Open this pretty little ass up.”

Jimin means to answer, but the dark blue pull of sleep weighs his tongue down thick in his mouth, and then it drags him under entirely.

~*~

Jimin’s hot inside, squeezes the head of Hoseok’s cock so right that it works a rough whine out of him.

Hoseok sinks himself in to the hilt and stays there. Barely thrusting, mostly grinding, letting the vice grip of Jimin’s tight little hole suck his mind blank.

It’s so good, Jimin’s body beneath him so sweet, softer and rounder at the edges than he was the last time Hoseok had him. Jimin’s complained about it nonstop, threatened a diet when he gets home, but Hoseok likes him so much like this, with hips that beg for the kiss of fingertip bruises and an ass that jiggles.

“So pretty like this,” Hoseok groans, not even sure if Jimin’s still present enough to hear him, saying it anyway. “Jiminie, baby. Taking hyung’s cock just like he taught you.”

Hoseok drops down over Jimin’s frame beneath him, watching the steady rise and fall of his breath, until his nose brushes at the stretch of Jimin’s spine.

He’s riled up, has been all night, all week, and he can’t keep himself from babbling, the way he always does when he’s close.

“Did that whole show, just thinking of you. Really did mean it, baby. I was in the dark and you, fuckin– pulled me back. Don’t think you even know. What you do to me. Everything’s easier.”

That cord of arousal in his gut pulls tighter, and Hoseok chases the feeling, watches the whole of his cock disappear up inside Jimin on every thrust. Laying all sweet and open for his hyung, cheek smushed into the pillow.

Hoseok grunts, dips to smudge a kiss to the nape of Jimin’s neck, and it's enough. He’s coming, giving a final ragged gasp as he spills into the condom.

It takes a second to get his breath back, and then he withdraws. His legs shake under him as he slips into the bathroom to clean up.

Fuck, at least he’s finally starting to feel tired.

Jimin has rolled over when Hoseok gets back, away from the wet spot– there’s space in this king-sized bed. A luxury from how it used to be, twin dorm bunks with no sheets.

Little miracles, Hoseok thinks, and then Jimin stirs.

“Sleep. Said I’d make you.”

And, well. That feels like a miracle too.

[drinkyourfuckingmilk]

If you don't mind me asking, how do you manage your chronic illness? I'm still in the process of diagnosis, but I'm starting to get pretty demoralized with my health slipping

I was referred to a endocrinologist for my PCOS and he's been amazing in terms of helping me reduce the horrific roller-coaster hormone imbalances and insulin-resistance, the only issue I'm still struggling with is the bad fatigue and hairloss (I'm lucky I've got so much of it though, it just sucks being covered in hair after a light breeze hits my head). I just try and stick to what I've learned makes my symptoms decrease or disappear like regular exercise, eating healthy, making sure my vitamins are supplemented if I'm more prone to certain deficiencies, getting regular blood tests to make sure my hormones aren't in full revolt, trying different medications that help reduce the hormones that are throwing me out of whack etc

It can be expensive to see a specialist so I sort of ration out my appointments, but if its affordable for you its worth the relief to even just have a plan in place. And sometimes you'll have harder times with the symptoms and feel like you're back at square one but being proactive with trying new health strategies with your specialist or GP will help you mix and match what works for you. when you go through a period where nothing feels like it's working, then it's always helpful to talk to someone about it.

And be careful what sources of info or support you look for online - there's so many communities for specific chronic illnesses that are full of misinformation (instagram and tiktok especially) and are just influencers disguised as experts looking to make money off you with tips that are NOT backed by science.

[intersex-support]

i'm not sure if i'm intersex and maybe this is tmi but i've always susptected i am intersex. i'm afab but i have lots of body hair, mostly on my legs, stomach, arms and even back? but i have a nice amount on my face too, which could just be bc i'm Black and that's more common in my family but ALSO

my periods are really weird. they got fucked over from covid but they were weird before that. of course, i get a lot of the normal cramp pain but then sometimes i get sharp pain. really sharp. like someone's stabbing me in my vagina. i'll sit up and there it is. and that'll happen when i'm not even on my period! sometimes it just hurts. and i can't do anything about it, i just have to wait it out. i figured it was normal when i was younger. like oh yeah, sometimes your vagina just randomly feels like someone's poking a knife up there lol, that's definitely normal. but then i realized your vagina's not supposed to hurt unless you're on your period? and i was mad confused! bc? really? who knew? i'ont know who's handing out this vagina information but i missed my packet somehow.

anyway, my periods can get pretty out of rhythm sometimes and since covid? i haven't had a vaguely regular period since! sometimes i barely bleed AT ALL, which never happened before, i used to bleed like, quite a bit before covid and now it's all out of whack. sometimes it hurts for two weeks before my period and then i still feel like i'm on my period a week afterwards! even if i'm not bleeding. i can't track them at all anymore, lol, they're very irregular and i think i've skipped two recently? (no im not pregnant, not possible)

also i can't have sex of any kind, it just hurts and doesn't feel good at all. sooo. yeah.

SO. this is like a mess of information and DEFINTEILY tmi but? i thought maybe y'all either knew what the fuck this is or could just tell me "nah you're not intersex your vagina's just fucked some other way" either would be helpful ngl.

First of all, don't write off the body hair just because you're Black. Actually, don't listen to a single doctor who tells you that you're just racially more likely to have that amount of body hair, if they do they are just being neglectful lol. Even if it is common in your family, this could just/also mean that a diagnosable/understandable hormonal difference is a part of your genetics.

Some things you could look into OTHER than N/CAH or PCOS (you could have those alongside what I'm about to list) are endometriosis, vaginismus and vulvodynia, tilted uterus, nerve damage, and even infection (although if you've been experiencing this for a long time... I doubt you've had an infection for multiple years without knowing).

I'll also say, everything you said in the second and thirds paragraphs is exactly how my mom would describe what has been going on for her, AND it got worse after she had covid. She has no diagnosis but endometriosis and PCOS are things we have been looking into. A sharp pain may be indicative of a cyst, which could be in the ovaries obviously but I wouldn't rule out it being in/around the hip joint because you mentioned it appears when you sit up.

I'm not sure how covid affects already present issues (doesn't seem like anyone does... although there is some info that may or may not be very conclusive), but if your symptoms got worse after that then I would say it's likely something has been going on.

I think the stabbing pain is concerning, I would really suggest finding a good physician and at least getting some blood tests done for a comprehensive hormone panel AND getting the results sent to you. I'm not saying you can diagnose and treat yourself by looking at them, but we know physicians don't get the full picture, can be racist, or just not do their job. Getting those results can give you a starting point for comparison if you plan on doing your own research too, and can help you understand.

If you do end up going to a physician or get referred to a specialist, they may want to do a transvaginal ultrasound because of the stabbing pain or other kinds of inspection (like an x-ray for example). I just want to say that in any case, if you are uncomfortable then stick by your boundaries. If you feel pain or just feel unsafe then it should not be dismissed, especially since you said anything sexual is painful. I might be overstepping a bit here, but it does sound like you have a lot going on and you definitely do not need someone who is supposed to help you make it worse.

I hope this is helpful, sorry for the super long response but stabbing pain down there is definitely something I know at least a bit about. Can't say you are intersex or you're not intersex, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's not nothing, and I really do hope you're able to get some support!

[msbarrows]

Have a bit of Thing A Day catch-up to do; been having a bad mental health week. Lots of finding getting out of bed difficult. All too easy once I am up to do things like game obsessively instead of tackling anything I'd actually meant to do. As far as I can reconstruct the last most-of-a-week:

Mar 21 - I'm pretty sure I went to bed at a stupid hour (because Timberborn, again) and then overslept. Leftover shepherd's pie from the freezer for supper.

Mar 22 - Woke up at a reasonable (for me) hour, and then just lay in bed for many hours before getting up. Chili from the freezer and some rice for supper, with chopped fresh tomato.

Mar 23 - I have no memory of this day. I think I did chicken strips and fries for supper? Maybe. Or was this the shepherd's pie day and the 21st was the chicken strips. Who knows. Not my brain!

Mar 24 - Slept/lay in bed until stupidly late in the day again. Did pasta with meat sauce and chicken meat balls for supper.

Mar 25 - Managed to get up out of bed pretty early in the day, but it was because I'd barely slept. Had breakfast and then went back to bed and read for a while and then napped. Processed a bunch of meat my brother bought yesterday into 1 lb lots for freezing. Made beef stew from some of it.

Mar 26 - Sleep schedule still whacked, got up early again and then took a nap in mid-day. Did burgers & fries and a tomato-avocado-cucumber salad for supper.

Some time in the last few days I baked a loaf of cracked wheat bread, but I don't remember which day. And I might have partially cleaned the upstairs bathroom? Unless that was before this week from limbo.

It's now passed midnight; time to hit the sack before I succumb to temptation and not go to bed.

I think the lassitude and brain fog this week was largely hormones - I've hit the 'the engine doesn't always turn over' point of aging and menstruation, and after several months of very happily not having that to deal with, guess what started a couple day ago. Yeah. And the energy level and braining have rebounded noticeably since it started. Hope it fucks off again, permanently, 40+ years of this nonsense is long enough.

[gostaks]

I stopped T like 6ish months ago now and I still haven’t had a period so I think I can tentatively say that my ovaries have just given up thank god

[obsidiangst]

Update - 10/29/21

All my future updates are going to be under a cut because there's been a few gnarlier things going on so, medical jibber jabber, reproductive health, and descriptions of surgical wounds below.

Update - 10/29/21

It's been a while so I figured I'd give another update, it's been 3 weeks since my surgery and I am fairly mobile and walking around the house and preparing my own simple meals. I can't bend over still, but my incision is mostly closed about 55% except for the bottom where it was opened up and a few inches on the top where it's scabbed instead of skin to skin. The scabs seem to be holding everything together though so I'm not worried about them opening up or anything.

I have my post op follow up on Monday afternoon, I'm glad that this is almost over and I'm thinking about letting my teachers know that I can start to work on my class materials again. I'm somewhat worried about being able to catch up, but I'm also trying to not stress about it because of it being an extraordinary circumstance and my teachers generally seem to be understanding.

I will update again in a few days after my post-op appointment.

Update - 10/20/21

I got my staples removed on the 18th, which was good, but there's a little complication with the bottom part of my incision. The top half closed beautifully, the lower half did not. It's healthy and clean, just- open. So instead of being able to be up and about a bit more I'm still stuck resting for two more weeks minimum before I can start being up more. On the bright side I can use my laptop so I should be able to start getting some things done again!

My cyst was 100% benign, but they were able to determine that I have the very early stages of endometriosis. At least I'll know for the future so no doctors can try to bullshit me if I say I'm in pain. Ugh, I'm feeling really all over the place emotionally about all of this because with that cyst being so large it was probably throwing my hormones all out of whack so my body is going to have to find a new normal which means I get to have hella mood swings until that happens lmfao. I cried like five times yesterday over the stupidest bullshit and I'm lowkey dreading these next few weeks.

Update - 10/10/21

I've been in the hospital for the past few days for monitoring and I've been doing really well, I'm actually going to be going home today, so I'm excited about that! I'm not allowed to drive or lift over 10 pounds for 6 weeks, so I should be fully recovered by the end of November. I'm really glad everything is going so well and thank everyone whose sent me well wishes, I appreciate them a lot!

Update - 10/8/21

I've had my surgery and my cust has been removed. It weighed 22 pounds and my incision is about a foot long, but there's no cancer so that is a win! I'll be in the hospital for a few days before going home to finish the recovery. Thank you gusy for the well wishes, I'm doing pretty okay!

Hiatus - 10/7/21

I'm not sure how many people are going to be wondering where/if I have new content coming out, so I'm making this to pin to my page: On 10/3/21 I went to the ER with severe abdominal pain and they discovered I have a massive ovarian cyst and I'm having to have major surgery (on 10/8/21) to have it removed. For the time being I'm unsure how long I will be out of commission, so Whumptober and my fics are going on hiatus.

I will try to keep this post updated as events occur, but I will be in recovery for at minimum a month. My queue is still running so posts should still come as they normally would, but I will not be checking tumblr as much as I usually do. If you want to contact me directly, my DMs are open and it's probably the fastest way to get my attention.

[mountainmaven]

More random ramblings

Last week was rough. After we got the gas situation taken care of I just really struggled with getting motivated. I was super tired all week and rather depressed. I suppose it could have been from the booster vaccine? It could be hormones - mine are all whacked up right now. My period was late 8 days in Dec. and as of today it's now 10 days late for January. I'm sure I'm in the midst of perimenopause. Which is fine by me. I have a gynecologist appointment on Valentine's Day so we'll see what she says. It also could have been my emotional health, and of course if could have been any combination of the three. Oh mental health is so concrete and conclusive - it's amazing we struggle with it so much LOL. (oh despite being completely unmotivated and fatigued all week, I DID manage to clean out the fireplace so YAY ME!)

Then yesterday I had a horrible pinched nerve in my left shoulder/arm. It's better today but still is an issue. I've been resting it, and doing light stretches throughout the day. But that means I haven't worked out in over a week now. Because I didn't have the energy for it last week, and now I can't.

Also yesterday we found out our son is sick. We are 90% sure it's COVID as the kids' roommate just recently had COVID and his symptoms are exactly like hers were. He will test soon (they had to order more tests and they should have arrived today). I've been waiting to get a reply from him to my check in text a little bit ago, I'll reach out again soon. It absolutely kills me when my kids are going through something that I can do absolutely nothing about. I want to go help him but first that would be dumb due to the pandemic, and secondly what can I do except bring him food and some meds to help ease symptoms?? So I'm not super worried about him in terms of him not recovering or needing extreme care or anything, but I am feeling so helpless and I feel so bad for him that he's not well. Poor kid turns 21 next week (which I also have to remember - he's clearly not a child anymore lol). (and he just texted me back, he's in good spirits for the most part, but not feeling well).

BUT - I had a really good therapy session today. I have things I need to work on this week to report back on next week. But one of the things my therapist said really resonated with me. It's when I'm experiencing a moment of what I think is worry and I need to stop and ask myself "Am I really worried, or am I feeling out of control of the situation?" I'm pretty sure that the answer to that will be the latter the majority of the time. Why did it take me 54 years to hear that, realize it, etc??? I'm excited about the work I have to do this week.

So what started out rough, and quite a downer, I'm grateful to have the positive spin that came with my therapy session.

[pathopharmacology]

Hey. I'm the anon that checks in on you occasionally. First, sorry for thanking you for doing your job, I understand now that was tone deaf and I'm sorry for being an ass with that. Secondly, you've gone completely dark since this pandemic started and I'm really worried about you, especially since IIRC you work in emergency. You don't have to be okay (although that sure would be nice!!). I'm guessing you're not. But I'd like to know you're alive. And I want you to know you're not forgotten. We're not friends, though we're mutuals last I checked, and I want you to know someone cares even if there isn't shit I can do to help. Stay breathing. Keep your head above water.

Shit, friend, I am so sorry I freaked you out like that. God’s honest truth, I haven’t checked tumblr in ages, because I kinda noped out of most social media after we lost our first baby and then never really found my footing again after because a bunch more Life Stuff happened (more on that below). I don’t know that I’ll resume any sort of presence here, but for those who do want to stay in touch I have a twitter account (@patho_patho) I use occasionally. It honestly never occurred to me that anyone would worry. Again, I’m super sorry about that. I never intended to scare anyone.

Anyway, life update! The tl;dr version is that I found out I was pregnant in November of last year, freaked out SUPER HARD about it because of how things went the last time, freaked out SUPER HARD some more when covid-19 started showing up in the states, left the emergency department for a care management position right before the hospital implemented a hiring freeze, basically didn’t tell anyone I was pregnant until I was like almost 26 weeks along and it was incredibly obvious anyway, and — several months later — ended up having an unplanned (but non-emergent) cesarean delivery when my water broke three weeks early and the baby was breech.

The little dude is now 8 weeks old, growing like gangbusters and marvelously healthy. Unfortunately, our entire state caught on fire recently, so I’ve just spent the last week with him up at my parents’ house because the air is poison and their ventilation situation is way better than ours. Fun stuff.

I can’t explain how good it was for my mental health to get out of the emergency department. I was struggling even before everything happened with my first pregnancy, so when I got off my “postpartum depression is even more awesome when your baby is dead” medical leave, I was in a REAL bad way. We were thrilled when I got pregnant again, but it was also much earlier than we’d intended (apparently I’m super fertile, hooray?) and I spent the first trimester pretending like it wasn’t happening because I wasn’t sure I could survive the loss of another child. Covid started being a thing riiiight as I was heading into the second trimester, and...let me tell you, being pregnant during a pandemic is absolutely terrifying, and it was even more terrifying when I was still working in the ED. Those early days, when we really didn’t know much except that it was really, really bad? God, that was brutal. I was having panic attacks on my way to work, because I was scared shitless that I was going to get it and either I would die (thus killing my baby), or there would be complications of some sort (which would kill my baby), or me and the baby would be fine, but I would give it to the Dude or my parents and then one of THEM would die and...

Anyway. Bad times. It was bad times.

I was interviewing for a number of positions when things started amping up, and accepted the care management job literally days before the shelter-in-place orders went into effect, which led to a hospital-wise hiring/transfer freeze. The transfer still went through, thank god, and my new job has been amazing. They were super cool when I finally told them I was pregnant, especially when I explained why it took me so long to disclose it in the first place (basically, I wanted to wait until the final diagnostic tests were done and I knew 100% that this kiddo wasn’t sick the way our first was). I’m currently on maternity leave, and every once in a while my supervisor will text with a demand for more baby pictures. It’s really nice, actually. Care management is challenging as fuck, but it’s also really rewarding and interesting, and I’m glad I was able to make the switch before the whole world imploded.

(Also, it’s super nice to be in a position where the stakes are not literally life and death, and I’m also not putting my own life on the line every time I go into a patient room? I might’ve been okay with that once upon a time, but, uh, a lot of shit changed for me last year)

That’s pretty much it, unless y’all want to hear the whole pregnancy saga (which probably isn’t all that interesting, to be honest, except for the last bit with the c-section and all). Parenthood is deeply scary and deeply amazing. Everyone talks to you about postpartum depression, which makes it super easy to be blindsided by postpartum anxiety, which is like regular anxiety except your hormones are completely out of whack and you cry a lot and also refuse to sleep because you’re convinced your baby will die the moment you stop looking at them. Being a new parent during a pandemic is even scarier than being pregnant during a pandemic, and I honestly have no idea how I’m going to explain all of this EVERYTHING to the kiddo once he’s old enough to ask what the fuck was up with 2020, anyway.

Again, I’m really sorry I scared you by going radio silent. I’ve got all my notifications turned back on in case you or anyone else has any follow-up questions, and people are always welcome to check in over on the twitters (which is a garbage site, I freely admit, so I totally understand if folks would rather not). I definitely aten’t dead, and right now I’m doing better than I have in a long while.

Now I just need the air to stop being poison.

[pink-peony-princess]

I'll Always Be There for You

“Rise and shine Miniture Mendes,” I heard my older brother’s voice somewhere at the end of my bed.

I didn’t answer immediately, hoping that if I ignored him, he would go away. Realistically I knew I was kidding myself, and this was confirmed moments later, when I felt him sit at the end of the bed, poking my leg until I finally let out a grunt of annoyance.

“And she lives!” he cheered, as if he was commentating a grand final sports match.

“Shawn, it is seven. In the morning. On a Saturday, you better have a good reason for being in my bedroom, annoying me this early.” I warned, pulling the pillow over my head.

“Sure do,” he chimed, fighting to pull the pillow away from me. “Get up, get dressed, you have your yearly check-up today.”

The reaction was instant, and he was quick to notice it. “Don’t start Hailey, we went through this last time you had to come in,” he cautioned, and I could see from his face, that there was going to be no changing his mind.

“Shawn!” I groaned, whacking him with the pillow I had just had over my head. As much as I loved my brother, I hated him equally at times like this. He had just qualified as an attending paediatrics doctor, and was now working at the local hospital with a bunch of his friends. “I’m sixteen, can’t I look after myself?” I begged.

“Nope, last time I let you do that, you nearly ended up dying on Connor's O.R. table, because you thought that appendicitis was ‘nothing’, ” he reminded me, using air quotes for effect.

“Ahhh, don’t remind me. Fine,” I conceded. There was no point, I knew that. It wasn’t even that I really disliked the doctors or the hospital for that matter. I just really didn’t like having my brother in my medical care. I found it awkward, something which he would remind me constantly that wasn’t the case at all. Well even that was a lie, it did come in helpful sometimes.

“Be ready in twenty minutes,” he spoke, getting up, straightening his scrubs, and walking out.

Sighing, I sat up, grabbing my phone. Help! I wrote, sending it to Dave one of Shawn's friends, and a fellow doctor. I had known Shawn's friends, Dave, Brian and Connor since I was little, and considered them to be adoptive brothers.

There was a ping from my phone, as I was in the bathroom, cleaning myself up. He told you then. <3 was the response. I cursed internally, if Dave knew, then it meant that Shawn was serious. After all, most of the time Dave was the one in charge of my medical care.

Dumping my phone back on the bed, I went to the wardrobe and grabbed the most comfortable pair of track pants I could find and paired these with a crop top and a parker. I spent another few minutes faffing about in my room, trying to find ways out of this, but when I heard Shawn grabbing his coat and keys from the hallway, I made my way down stairs feeling defeated.

“I hate you,” I spoke, pushing past my brother and stepping out the from the front door. Only to hit a body, hard.

“Easy there Little Lady,” Dave spoke as he caught and steadied me. “What’s up? Those were some fighting words!” he let my arm go, stepping back to look at me.

“Don’t start D, I hate you too, you knew and you didn’t tell me!” I accused, stepping around him and heading for his car, which he and Shawn usually car-pooled to work in.

“She’s been like this since I woke her, she’s tried to get out of it more than once already,” Shawn fixed me with a stern stare, silently warning me not to cause mischief.

“You make out like I’m such a bad patient, you’re such a drama queen!” I laughed as we buckled in and made our way down the street.

“Maybe you are.” Was the only reply I got. The rest of the car ride was quiet, I couldn’t help but sulk at my predicament.

When we finally got there, I trailed behind the guys, listening to them discussing their schedules for the day. Most of which consisted of making sure that their interns and residents were doing what they should be. I couldn't help but feel a little proud of them as I thought of how far they had come.

“You ready Little Lady?” Dave's voice, pulled me from my thoughts, and it was only then that I noticed that we had made it inside to the front desk, where Amy, the receptionist, and one of my favourite people resided.

“Hi Hailey, how are you sweets?” she asked as she typed on the computer, before addressing Shawn “All good, it’s all set up for you.”

We made our way to the exam room quickly, Dave unlocking the door, and dumping his belongings on his desk and switching the computer on, no doubt so he could check my records.

“Do I have to?” I asked, eying the bed off furiously, once again frustrated at Shawn for making me do this.

“Yes, you do pretty girl, why don’t you just take a seat next to your bro for now, I’ve just got some questions for you first. Grumbling to myself, I slumped into the seat next to Shawn, resting my head on his shoulder.

“I thought you hated me?” he laughed, somewhat confused, but rubbing my scalp comfortingly anyway.

“I do,” I agreed. “But if I’m asleep, you can’t start the exam, because you must have consent to do anything,” I explained, trying to hide the smirk that was now forming at my genius conclusions.

“Touché What you failed to mention though, was that the parentals have given me autonomy over your medical care in their absence since you’re still under eighteen. So right back at you sister,” he sassed, clearly proud of himself.

“Okay, okay, it’s too early for me to have to adjudicate a fight between you two!” Dave laughed, turning to face me. “Okay, Hailey, some of these questions may be a little embarrassing, but answer honestly okay?”

I nodded, feeling apprehensive.

“Do you smoke?” he asked, pausing to look at me. I fixed him with a glare, making him laugh. “I’ll take that a no.”

I put up with the questions, most of them not as bad as I had imagined, until he asked the dreaded one. “What about your period?”

I turned to Shawn, silently fuming at him. “I had to Hailey, you’ve been struggling for months with it.”

“No! You didn’t actually, last time I checked, I was the one bleeding,not you!” I yelled, moving to get up and walk out.

“Hailey, wait honey. I know it’s awkward, but if you can tell me what’s been going on, I’ll be able to fix it,” Dave, tried to reason, waiting for me to sit back down before continuing. "Shawn said you get bad cramps?” he prompted.

“Bad, bad doesn’t even to describe it. I can’t move without feeling like I’m going to faint or be sick,” I told him honestly.

“Last night, I found her curled up in tears because of the pain, I had to get her some fairly strong stuff,” Shawn added, grabbing my hand and giving it a squeeze.

I shuddered thinking back to the previous night.

... Shawn had come home late, and came in to check on me like he always did, but instead of finding me in bed reading like normal, I was curled in a ball in my bed practically rocking as I tried to get the pain under control.

"Again?" he'd asked looking at me with pity.

I nodded, "It's so bad Shawnie," I hiccupped, tears flowing unchecked down my checks and landing in small pools on my bed.

"I'm going to get you some pain relief okay," he'd spoken, moving to brush some of the hair out if my face. "I know it hurts, but try not to get too worked up, the more upset you get, the more pain you'll be in," he explained gently, getting up and going to my bathroom. I could hear him searching through my cabinet before he asked, "What have you taken today Poppet?"

"Just Tylenol," I groaned out as another wave of pain hit me.

"Here take this." he held a blue packet out for me to take.

"What is it?" I asked, not recognising the packaging.

"It's called Napropgesic, it'll help with the pain. It'll help to block the release of some of the hormones that are making you feel so sick and sore," he explained, grabbing the water glass from beside my bed and handing it to me. "Take two," he added.

"Will you stay with me?" I asked, catching his hand as he went to leave the room.

"Of course, honey," he'd said, coming to lay next to me on the bed, allowing me to cuddle into his chest.

"Get some rest," he murmurned, kissing the top of my head.

...

“Okay, so you have it now. Is it like that every time?” Dave asked seriously bringing me back to the present,typing as he spoke.

I nodded, feeling the tears welling up, I was so over having to deal with it, I didn’t even care anymore if I had to tell them embarrassing stuff. “It’s okay Little Lady, we’ll get it sorted, how about we get the rest of the exam done, and then we can get this sorted for you okay?” Dave came to give me a quick hug.

“Hop up on the bed, yeah.” I did so, sitting waiting for him to tell me what to do.

“Right, I’m just going to listen to your heart and lungs,” he told me, after washing his hands. “Just lift your shirt a little,” he told me as he rubbed the bell of the stethoscope to warm it up. “Deep breathes,” he instructed, listening.

Turning my head, I saw Shawn watching intently, sending me a ‘thumbs up’ when he saw me looking at him. “Nothing out of the ordinary there, that’s always good,” Dave spoke, moving to take my pulse.

He was quiet again for a minute, watching the clock. “Hmm,” he finished,"Shawn come here for a second.”

Getting up, my brother made his way over, taking my pulse as Dave had only moments before. I let out a whine at the fact that I was being fussed over, causing Dave to take my hand.

"Your pulse is fast," Shawn spoke, stepping back to look at me.

"And?" I asked, looking between the two doctors.

"Well, it could be a couple of things," Dave started, going to get supplies from a cupboard above his desk. "It could indicate Anemia, which would help to explain some of the period issues, but it could be something like an infection too. And that my dear is something we don't want, especially with you having had your appendix out only a week and a half ago. Just lay back for us," he instructed.

Shawn helped me lay down, before pulling my clothing away from where my scar was on my stomach.

"Ow!" I whimpered as Dave removed the dressing, exposing a red, and somewhat oozy looking cut.

"Sorry Hailey, normally this wouldn't hurt so much, but this is infected."

"Look at that," Shawn pointed out, having gone to get gloves on himself. "That looks like she's had a reaction to the sutures."

" I'll get Connor in here after to assess it, he may want to try leaving in open for a little."

"Open?" I squeaked, shooting up from the bed.

"Hailey!" Shawn grumbled, " What have I told you? Slow movements!" He looked somewhat grumpy, but I didn't blame him. He had already had to repair the stitches once for me.

After explaining the fact that open only meant that they would pack it with medicated gauze, Dave left the room, stating he had to, "Get some supplies."

When he came back I let out a loud groan, in his hand, he was holding supplies for a blood draw. "Come on Hailey, you'll be fine," he encouraged, prepping me for it. " I'm going to let Shawn do it as he's a pro," he told me, moving to sit beside me on the bed.

"Don't look Hailey. Sharp scratch," he warned as Shawn inserted the needle. I couldn't help myself though, and found myself watching the red liquid being drawn from my arm. I could feel myself getting faint at the sight, and before I knew it, darkness hard over come me.

I woke to a light tapping sensation on my face, and someone's fingers pressed to the inside of my wrist. "Welcome back," Shawn spoke, somewhat sarcastically. "I thought we told you not to look."

"I couldn't help myself." I pouted, excepting Dave's help in sitting up.

"Just sit for a second, we don't want you fainting again," he laughed, before walking around his desk and picking up the phone.

Minutes later, the door opened and Shawn and Dave's friends and colleagues Brian and Connor came into the room.

"How's out favourite patient?" Brian asked coming over to hug me.

"You look pale," Connor noted, standing beside Shawn at the bed with a frown.

"She just fainted at the blood draw," Shawn explained, rolling his eyes playfully.

Neither one of them responded, instead sending me sympathetic smiles.

"So, Dave said you've been having sereve cramps with your period?" Brian asked, without a fuss.

I stayed silent for a second, before sighing, and nodding. I loved the guys like I loved my own brother, but there were some things I just wanted to keep private. Especially as Brian was an obgyn. " Where is the pain mostly?" He asked coming over to rest his hand on my lower back. I nodded again, causing him to press with only slight pressure. This slight pressure though, sent pain radiating throughout my whole abdominal area, and into my back, nausea hitting me like a ton of bricks.

"I'm gonna be sick!" I gasped, leaning over the pan that Shawn had rushed to grab off the shelf.

"I'm sorry Sweet Pea," Brian apologised, rubbing my back. "Well I can tell you now, that it's referred pain that's causing you all the problems. Basically, all the ligaments are attached, and as the uterus contracts, you get pain in other places. Some girls get it worse than other's though."

"And the vomiting?" I asked once I had recovered a little.

"That will be the hormones, it's not dissimilar to a pregnant woman and morning sickness," he explained. "Lots of rest, fluids, heating pads, pain killers and some ice cream should do the trick." he winked.

"And iron tablets," Dave added, coming back from the desk where he had remained since the phone call. "Your iron levels are dismal Little Lady, it's no wonder you're having such a bad time of it!"

Lastly it was Connor's turn to check on me. "Just lie down for me again darling," he spoke, getting a set of gloves on. He only had to look at the incision for about thirty seconds, before nodding. "That's infected alright. I'm actually surprised you're not getting other symptoms. When did you first notice it?" He asked as he replaced his gloves, and went to get antibacterial solution and more gauze.

"I hadn't until Dave took the dressing off, but it's really hurting now."

"We'll get it sorted for you, and get you some pain killers and antibiotics just to ward off further trouble. This is going to sting a bit honey," he warned as he dabbed the liquid onto the wound.

"Ah," I hissed, reaching for my brother's hand.

"Nearly done sis," Shawn encouraged, stroking my hair.

When Connor was done, he gave me a shot of fairly strong antibiotics and pain killers, telling Shawn to take me home and watch me closely for any signs of fever, which of course, he knew. I did try to tell them I was fine, but they shut me down before I even got a chance to finish the sentence.

" Hailey, your stitches are infected, meaning that your immune system is compromised, you're clearly in pain, let your brother do his job, and take you home," Dave interrupted seriously. I felt guilty after that, and so didn't complain when Shawn put his arm around me as we made our way back out of the hospital to get a cab home.

When we got there, he set me up on the sofa, with blankets and pain meds, telling me to give him a yell if I needed anything.

"Shawn?" I called, as he made his way upstairs to the office. "Thank you, and I'm sorry I'm a difficult patient," I told him sincerely.

"Don't mention it. I'll always be there for you, " he replied, coming back down the stairs and shifting me onto his lap. That was how I spent the remainder of the day, cuddled up to my brother, knowing that if I needed anything he would do it without question.

[pinkpeonyprincessblog]

I'll Always Be There For You

“Rise and shine Miniture Mendes,” I heard my older brother’s voice somewhere at the end of my bed.

I didn’t answer immediately, hoping that if I ignored him, he would go away. Realistically I knew I was kidding myself, and this was confirmed moments later, when I felt him sit at the end of the bed, poking my leg until I finally let out a grunt of annoyance.

“And she lives!” he cheered, as if he was commentating a grand final sports match.

“Shawn, it is seven.In the morning. On a Saturday, you better have a good reason for being in my bedroom, annoying me this early.” I warned, pulling the pillow over my head.

“Sure do,” he chimed, fighting to pull the pillow away from me. “Get up, get dressed, you have your yearly check-up today.”

The reaction was instant, and he was quick to notice it. “Don’t start Hailey, we went through this last time you had to come in,” he cautioned, and I could see from his face, that there was going to be no changing his mind.

“Shawn!” I groaned, whacking him with the pillow I had just had over my head. As much as I loved my brother, I hated him equally at times like this. He had just qualified as an attending paediatrics doctor, and was now working at the local hospital with a bunch of his friends. “I’m 18, can’t I look after myself?” I begged.

“Nope, last time I let you do that, you nearly ended up dying on Connor's O.R. table, because you thought that appendicitis was ‘nothing’,” he reminded me, using air quotes for effect.

“Ahhh, don’t remind me. Fine,” I conceded. There was no point, I knew that. It wasn’t even that I really disliked the doctors or the hospital for that matter. I just really didn’t like having my brother in my medical care. I found it awkward, something which he would remind me constantly that wasn’t the case at all. Well even that was a lie, it did come in helpful sometimes.

“Be ready in twenty minutes,” he spoke, getting up, straightening his scrubs, and walking out.

Sighing, I sat up, grabbing my phone. Help! I wrote, sending it to Dave one of Shawn's friends, and a fellow doctor. I had known Shawn's friends, Dave, Brian and Connor since I was little, and considered them to be adoptive brothers.

There was a ping from my phone, as I was in the bathroom, cleaning myself up. He told you then. <3 Was the response. I cursed internally, if Dave knew, then it meant that Shawn was serious. After all, most of the time Dave was the one in charge of my medical care.

Dumping my phone back on the bed, I went to the wardrobe and grabbed the most comfortable pair of track pants I could find and paired these with a crop top and a parker. I spent another few minutes faffing about in my room, trying to find ways out of this, but when I heard Shawn grabbing his coat and keys from the hallway, I made my way down stairs feeling defeated.

“I hate you,” I spoke, pushing past my brother and stepping out the from the front door. Only to hit a body,hard.

“Easy there Little Lady,” Dave spoke as he caught and steadied me. “What’s up? Those were some fighting words!” he let my arm go, stepping back to look at me.

“Don’t start D, I hate you too, you knew and you didn’t tell me!” I accused, stepping around him and heading for his car, which he and Shawn usually car-pooled to work in.

“She’s been like this since I woke her, she’s tried to get out of it more than once already,” Shawn fixed me with a stern stare, silently warning me not to cause mischief.

“You make out like I’m such a bad patient, you’re such a drama queen!” I laughed as we buckled in and made our way down the street.

“Maybe you are.” Was the only reply I got. The rest of the car ride was quiet, I couldn’t help but sulk at my predicament.

When we finally got there, I trailed behind the guys, listening to them discussing their schedules for the day. Most of which consisted of making sure that their interns and residents where doing what they should be. I could help but feel a little proud of them as I thought of how far they had come.

“You ready Little Lady?” Dave's voice, pulled me from my thoughts, and it was only then that I noticed that we had made it inside to the front desk, where Amy, the receptionist, and one of my favourite people resided.

“Hi Hailey, how are you sweets?” she asked as she typed on the computer, before addressing Shawn “All good, it’s all set up for you.”

We made our way to the exam room quickly, Dave unlocking the door, and dumping his belongings on his desk and switching the computer on, no doubt so he could check my records.

“Do I have to?” I asked, eying the bed off furiously, once again frustrated at Shawn for making me do this.

“Yes, you do pretty girl, why don’t you just take a seat next to your bro for now, I’ve just got some questions for you first. Grumbling to myself, I slumped into the seat next to Shawn, resting my head on his shoulder.

“I thought you hated me?” he laughed, somewhat confused, but rubbing my scalp comfortingly anyway.

“I do,” I agreed. “But if I’m asleep, you can’t start the exam, because you must have consent to do anything,” I explained, trying to hide the smirk that was now forming at my genius conclusions.

“Touché What you failed to mention though, what you failed to mention was that you need to be seen. So I'll just wait all day if I have to. So right back at you sister,” he sassed, clearly proud of himself.

“Okay, okay, it’s too early for me to have to adjudicate a fight between you two!” Dave laughed, turning to face me. “Okay, Hailey, some of these questions may be a little embarrassing, but answer honestly okay?”

I nodded, feeling apprehensive.

“Do you smoke?” he asked, pausing to look at me. I fixed him with a glare, making him laugh. “I’ll take that a no.”

I put up with the questions, most of them not as bad as I had imagined, until he asked the dreaded one. “What about your period?”

I turned to Shawn, silently fuming at him. “I had to Hailey, you’ve been struggling for months with it.”

“No! You didn’t actually, last time I checked, I was the one bleeding,not you!” I yelled, moving to get up and walk out.

“Hailey, wait honey. I know it’s awkward, but if you can tell me what’s been going on, I’ll be able to fix it,” Dave, tried to reason, waiting for me to sit back down before continuing. "Shawn said you get bad cramps?” he prompted.

“Bad, bad doesn’t even to describe it. I can’t move without feeling like I’m going to faint or be sick,” I told him honestly.

“Last night, I found her curled up in tears because of the pain, I had to get her some fairly strong stuff,” Shawn added, grabbing my hand and giving it a squeeze.

I shuddered thinking back to the previous night.

... Shawn had come home late, and came in to check on me like he always did, but instead of finishing me in bed reading like normal,I was curled in a ball in my bed practically rocking as I tried to get the pain under control.

"Again?" he'd asked looking at me with pity.

I nodded, "It's so bad Shawnie," I hiccupped,tears flowing unchecked down my checks and landing in small pools on my bed.

"I'm going to get you some pain relief okay," he'd spoken, moving to brush some of the hair out if my face."I know it hurts, but try not to get too worked up, the more upset you get, the more pain you'll be in," he explained gently, getting up and going to my bathroom. I could hear him searching through my cabinet before he ssked,"What have you taken today Poppet?"

"Just Tylenol," I groaned out as another wave of pain hit me.

"Here take this." he held a blue packet out for me to take.

"What is it?" I asked, not recognising the packaging.

"It's called Napropgesic, it'll help with the pain. It'll help to block the release of some of the hormones that are making you feel so sick and sore," he explained, grabbing the water glass from beside my bed and handing it to me. "Take two," he added.

"Will you stay with me?" I asked, catching his hand as he went to leave the room.

"Of course, honey," he'd said, coming to lay next to me on the bed, allowing me to cuddle into his chest.

"Get some rest," he murmurned, kissing the top of my head.

...

“Okay, so you have it now. Is it like that every time?” Dave asked seriously bringing me back to the present,typing as he spoke.

I nodded, feeling the tears welling up, I was so over having to deal with it, I didn’t even care anymore if I had to tell them embarrassing stuff. “It’s okay Little Lady, we’ll get it sorted, how about we get the rest of the exam done, and then we can get this sorted for you okay?” Dave came to give me a quick hug.

“Hope up on the bed, yeah.” I did so, sitting waiting for him to tell me what to do.

“Right, I’m just going to listen to your heart and lungs,” he told me, after washing his hands. “Just lift your shirt a little,” he told me as he rubbed the bell of the stethoscope to warm it up. “Deep breathes,” he instructed, listening.

Turning my head, I saw Shawn watching intently, sending me a ‘thumbs up’ when he saw me looking at him. “Nothing out of the ordinary there, that’s always good,” Dave spoke, moving to take my pulse.

He was quiet again for a minute, watching the clock. “Hmm,” he finished,"Shawn come here for a second.”

Getting up, my brother made his way over, taking my pulse as Dave had only moments before. I let out a whine at the fact that I was being fussed over, causing Dave to take my hand.

"Your pulse is fast," Shawn spoke, stepping back to look at me.

"And?" I asked, looking between the two doctors.

"Well, it could be a couple of things," Dave started, going to get supplies from a cupboard above his desk. "It could indicate Anemia, which would help to explain some of the period issues, but it could be something like an infection too. And that my dear is something we don't want, especially with you having had your appendix out only a week and a half ago. Just lay back for us," he instructed.

Shawn helped me lay down, before pulling my clothing away from where my scar was on my stomach.

"Ow!" I whimpered as Dave removed the dressing, exposing a red, and somewhat oozy looking cut.

"Sorry Hailey, normally this wouldn't hurt so much, but this is infected."

"Look at that," Shawn pointed out, having gone to get gloves on himself. "That looks like she's had a reaction to the sutures."

" I'll get Connor in here after to assess it, he may want to try leaving in open for a little."

"Open?" I squeaked, shooting up from the bed.

"Hailey!" Shawn grumbled, " What have I told you? Slow movements!" He looked somewhat grumpy, but I didn't blame him. He had already had to repair the stitches once for me.

After explaining the fact that open only meant that they would pack it with medicated gauze, Dave left the room, stating he had to, "Get some supplies."

When he came back I let out a loud groan, in his hand, he was holding supplies for a blood draw. "Come on Hailey, you'll be fine," he encouraged, prepping me for it. " I'm going to let Shawn do it as he's a pro," he told me, moving to sit beside me on the bed.

"Don't look Hailey. Sharp scratch," he warned as Shawn inserted the needle. I couldn't help myself though, and found myself watching the red liquid being drawn from my arm. I could feel myself getting faint at the sight, and before I knew it, darkness hard over come me.

I woke to a light tapping sensation on my face, and someone's fingers pressed to the inside of my wrist. "Welcome back," Shawn spoke, somewhat sarcastically. "I thought we told you not to look."

"I couldn't help myself." I pouted, excepting Dave's help in sitting up.

"Just sit for a second, we don't want you fainting again," he laughed, before walking around his desk and picking up the phone.

Minutes later, the door opened and Shawn and Dave's friends and colleagues Brian and Connor came into the room.

"How's out favourite patient?" Brian asked coming over to hug me.

"You look pale," Connor noted, standing beside Shawn at the bed with a frown.

"She just fainted at the blood draw," Shawn explained, rolling his eyes playfully.

Neither one of them responded, instead sending me sympathetic smiles.

"So, Dave said you've been having sereve cramps with your period?" Brian asked, without a fuss.

I stayed silent for a second, before sighing, and nodding. I loved the guys like I loved my own brother, but there were some things I just wanted to keep private. Especially as Brian was an obgyn. " Where is the pain mostly?" He asked coming over to rest his hand on my lower back. I nodded again, causing him to press with only slight pressure. This slight pressure though, sent pain radiating throughout my whole abdominal area, and into my back, nausea hitting me like a ton of bricks.

"I'm gonna be sick!" I gasped, leaning over the pan that Shawn had rushed to grab off the shelf.

"I'm sorry Sweet Pea," Brian apologised, rubbing my back. "Well I can tell you now, that it's referred pain that's causing you all the problems. Basically, all the ligaments are attached, and as the uterus contracts, you get pain in other places. Some girls get it worse than other's though."

"And the vomiting?" I asked once I had recovered a little.

"That will be the hormones, it's not dissimilar to a pregnant woman and morning sickness," he explained. "Lots of rest,fluids, heating pads, pain killers and some ice cream should do the trick," he winked.

"And iron tablets," Dave added, coming back from the desk where he had remained since the phone call. "Your iron levels are dismal Little Lady, it's no wonder you're having such a bad time of it!"

Lastly it was Connor's turn to check on me. "Just lie down for me again darling," he spoke, getting a set of gloves on. He only had to look at the incision for about thirty seconds, before nodding. "That's infected alright. I'm actually surprised you're not getting other symptoms. When did you first notice it?" He asked as he replaced his gloves, and went to get antibacterial solution and more gauze.

"I hadn't until Dave took the dressing off,but it's really hurting now."

"We'll get it sorted for you, and get you some pain killers and antibiotics just to ward off further trouble. This is going to sting a bit honey," he warned as he dabbed the liquid onto the wound.

"Ah," I hissed, reaching for my brother's hand.

"Nearly done sis," Shawn encouraged, stroking my hair.

When Connor was done, he gave me a shot of fairly strong antibiotics and pain killers, telling Shawn to take me home and watch me closely for any signs of fever, which of course, he knew. I did try to tell them I was fine, but they shut me down before I even got a chance to finish the sentence.

" Hailey, your stitches are infected, meaning that your immune system is compromised, you're clearly in pain, let your brother do his job, and take you home," Dave interrupted seriously. I felt guilty after that, and so didn't complain when Shawn put his arm around me as we made our way back out of the hospital to get a cab home.

When we got there, he set me up on the sofa, with blankets and pain meds, telling me to give him a yell if I needed anything.

"Shawn?" I called, as he made his,way upstairs to the office. "Thank you,and I'm sorry I'm a difficult patient," I told him sincerely.

"Don't mention it. I'll always be there for you, " he replied, coming back down the stairs and shifting me onto his lap. That was how I spent the remainder of the day, cuddled up to my brother, knowing that if I needed anything he would do it without question. "

[windless-hurricane]

Pennywise and the Dancing Girl

Chapter 1: The Shadow Girl

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SUMMARY: At the moment, I want this to be solely mysterious. I will say though that the "Shadow Girl" isn't who she seems and this will eventually become a Henry x OC (or reader) fanfic.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Before I begin, this story takes place in the 2017 IT universe. I also shifted some pieces of information around. So before I'm scolded for inaccuracies, I'll say them now. First off, I combined the Derry Middle School and High School. I wasn't sure if that was the case in the movie, but it wasn't stated. Nevertheless, I will still refer to it as Derry High. The main character is 14 and a freshman (going on sophomore). The entire Losers Club will be in 8th grade (going on to be freshmen) and all 13. The Bowers Gang are all sophomores (going on juniors) and 15, excluding Henry who is 16.

WARNINGS (for the entire series): Explicit language, violence, graphic scenes involving blood and/or death, some sexuality possibly, and some underage drinking and drug use.

WORD COUNT: 2.7k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was the last day of school. I couldn't lie and say I wasn't somewhere near excited. I knew it wasn't the last day of school altogether, but it would definitely be a step up from my current status as a freshman. All 8th graders dream of becoming freshmen; but once they realize the difficulties of dealing with upperclassmen, they want to join them. That had been the same mindset for me. Not only was I freshman, I was a transferee. That normally wouldn't be such a big deal, but it was at this school.

See, Derry High wasn't a typical high school. It included middle school as well. So, almost all the children here were attending this school for half their lives. They started in 6th grade and ended as seniors. Everyone knew everybody. Due to that, I thought I'd become a perfect candidate for teasing. I was practically fresh meat. However, that didn't happen. Why? Because I was barely noticeable. I kept to myself, hardly spoke a word to anyone, and moved swiftly through the halls like a shadow, avoiding certain people. It soon had become an objective to avoid four sophomores in particular: Henry Bowers, Patrick Hockstetter, Victor Criss, and Reginald "Belch" Huggins.

They were douchebags who got a kick out of tormenting anyone they saw below them. As a result of their animosity, even the juniors and seniors were afraid of them. You never messed with the "Bowers Gang" as they called themselves. I, a rarity, was not afraid of them and never would be. I just wanted to stay the shadow that I liked being and it became a promise to myself.

I kept to that promise for the entire year and now all I had to do was get through this day like any other. Then, it would be summer vacation, which was full of reading and...reading. I didn't have any friends, but I was satisfied with that. It was better to not get too attached to people you would end up leaving. In a way, that was my curse: the inability to care for anyone because you are not worth caring for. But it would be ok.

I walked through the front doors of the school, clutching the straps to my bag. Other students were already situated inside, engaging in morning chatter and shenanigans. I...went straight to my locker. I knew I had to empty it out and it would be better to do it now than later. So, I put in the combination and got to work. I wasn't necessarily the neatest, but it didn't look like the aftermath of a hurricane. Just messy. There were notebooks, textbooks, and a bunch of scattered and crumbled pieces of paper. It didn't take long to stuff these into my bag and throw what was left away. I closed my locker with a slam, but it didn't echo like it normally would because of background conversation.

I glanced around and my eyes ending up following the scene of two boys running away in the direction opposite to mine. Moments after, Henry Bowers and his gang of misfits were in the shot. He had an apparent smirk on his face. Probably from gloating because of the amount of power he had over the kids here. The thought of it was enough to make me roll my eyes; but I continued to watch, seeing if he would do anything else. He didn't. Just as I was about to turn away, his eyes met mine. He knew I had been staring and didn't have the intention of letting me go.

His eyes were crystal blue and they contradicted mine: my chocolatey brown. However, they still managed to be darker than mine and mine brighter than his. He didn't hold any expression in his face and neither did I. It was just blank staring. This wasn't the first time we did this. Occasionally throughout the year, we'd find each other's eyes, but never did anything about it. He didn't know me and he assumed I didn't know him. We had never been in the same vicinity as each other because if he was ever too close, I would've found a way out. All we had was this.

I hated to admit it, but he was quite pretty to look at. It didn't throw my hormones out of whack or anything. I stared at him because of his eyes. His eyes were dark, beautiful, and so familiar to me. I couldn't put my finger on it. It seemed I had looked into those eyes even before I knew him. There was something that intrigued me about them. I knew there was something hidden there. Even if I already had an idea, I longed to know myself.

I gulped out of my trance and released the handle to my locker. I stared just a bit longer until I turned away, losing sight of him and those eyes. Who would've known that days later Henry would tell me himself that he saw me as this mysterious girl that he wanted to crack. A girl that actually drew him in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was able to make it through three classes of Algebra, English and History. Since it had been the last day of school, we hardly did anything. There was clearly no homework to assign or assignments to finish. It was either a free for all with limited volume or we watched a movie on the projector. I was only interested in the movie. Currently I had one more class until lunch and no doubt, it was going to be the same as the others. It was actually quite a relief. Relaxing felt...nice. It nearly brought a smile to my face before I was interrupted.

My head snapped up on impulse as I heard a loud smack echo through the hallway. It didn't startle me, but it certainly caught my attention because before I knew it, I was rounding the corner quickly with a newfound purpose. It was a boy and he was lying on the ground. Getting a clearer shot, I saw that it was Eddie Kaspbrak, the local hypochondriac. I never knew him on a personal level, but I always saw him around. As you can tell, I knew a lot more about him than he did me. That's how it usually was with people. I knew along with him being a hypochondriac, he was a germaphobe who constantly expressed his paranoia to his friends. Other than that, he was quite funny and would never shut up about the evils of sickness and blessings of cleanliness. I sometimes found it rather cute.

He was also a favorite plaything of the Bowers Gang, along with the rest of his friends, Bill Denbrough, Stanley Uris, and Richie Tozier. I saw them around quite often too, either goofing off or arguing. I wonder where they were to have left Eddie alone. To have left him alone with Bowers and the dick squad. Maybe he was just unlucky. Henry had been manhandling Eddie's fanny pack and dumping its contents onto the floor beside him. I could only assume Eddie tried getting it back, but was only met with a shove to the ground. All I did was stare. It seems that's all I was good for.

Even though they deserved a good beating, I never interfered. It was part of the promise and it hadn't been difficult to maintain until now. I nearly wanted to break it. I don't know why, but the feeling was there. It wasn't enough to push me though as the fanny pack was already empty. I watched as Henry threw the pack at Eddie's face and mouthed something that I couldn't make out. Most likely it was some humiliating insult. I looked to Eddie and his expression killed me. Was it - sadness? Anger? Disappointment? It could be helped.

I walked over quietly and squatted down near him as he sat up. He gave me a shocked and questioning look before I began to gather his belongings into the fanny pack. He wasn't moving or saying anything, just watching like I had been moments ago. There was an inhaler, a few containers of pills, bandage. I guess this also served as a small first aid kit. Nice. I stood up and glanced around, making sure I collected everything. I had, expect for Eddie. I zipped up the pack before reaching my hand out to him. His expression managed to change. Why was he looking at me like that? It's like I was some miracle. Then, he looked to my hand and I smiled softly,

"Don't worry. I just came from the bathroom. It's clean."

His gaze switched between my face and hand until he finally took it. His was oddly soft. I helped him up gently and let it go as soon as he was up.

"Um, here," I muttered out, handing him his pack. He was still staring at me and finally, he snapped out of it. He took it quickly.

"T-thanks...um..." he cocked an eyebrow.

"Emma," I finished. "Emma Gray."

"Thanks, Emma." Red found its way onto his face. Was he really blushing?

"It's no problem. No one should face a jagoff alone." He smiled and it made me smirk. I reached into the side pocket of my bag and pulled out my mini bottle of hand sanitizer, showing it off to him. "I noticed you were almost out and you're definitely going to need a lot more to get rid of the stench of Bowers and his goons." I breathed out a laugh. "Here." I handed it to him and he took it almost joyfully.

I smiled completely and for once, it felt real. However, it was short lived. The bell rang.

"Shoot," I groaned. "We should get to class, like, now. It was nice talking to you. See you around, Eddie." I know I didn't give him time to respond, but there wasn't time for a response. I turned around and headed the opposite direction to class.

(EDDIE'S P.O.V.)

"Wait," I called out, but she was already gone.

"Damnit." How did she already know my name? I looked at the bottle she gave me and her name was written across the label in black marker. Her handwriting was beautiful. I let my thumb run over her name as I smiled to myself.

"Emma - Emma Gray."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(BACK TO EMMA'S P.O.V.)

I made it through Biology and as expected, we watched a movie - a real boring one about the inner mechanisms of a cell. It was over and time for lunch. I was looking forward to it because of what I packed today. If I did it right, it was going to be delicious. I began to fantasize about the greatness of my meal until I was forcefully pulled out of it. Could the world just not leave me to my mind today? Geez.

It was a noise and a deafening one at that. It came from down the hall and it was loud enough to make me wince, slight pain being brought to my ears. Who was it this time and why do they keep interrupting me? Thinking about it more, should I even ask? Knowing this school and its students, it was without a doubt Bowers. Did I want to find out? No. Would I inevitably end up finding out? Yes. This was the only way to the damned cafeteria.

I inched slowly down the hall, not in any rush to get an answer. I wasn't a nosy person. I actually considered myself quite considerate of other people's business. Then, I heard whimpering. I rolled my eyes harshly as I quickened my pace. What's wrong with you, Emma? Why are you being so interactive today? Why the hell do you even care? No one else in this god forsaken school does, why should you? Don't you remember the promise? You're too good for this, but maybe there was a reason not to be too good. Maybe it was Eddie and his call for help.

I rounded the corner and it wasn't Eddie, loosing a good amount of motivation. It was Ben Hanscom, the other new kid. Chubby, adorable, vulnerable, and being pushed up against the lockers by Bowers while his goons watched in amusement. I scoffed. This was the second time today. Was this really his way of celebrating the last day of school?

"Hey!" Oh, Emma. What the hell are you doing? You know you could care less.

All five boys turned their attention towards me with different expressions on each of their faces. Ben's eyes were pleading and hopeful while he was completely red in the face. Patrick was smirking creepily and it was enough to make me shudder. Victor and Belch actually held a similar look that reeked of 'Who the hell is this girl?' For the main star, he just looked pissed.

"The fuck do you want," he questioned deeply, his eyes peering into me.

"For you not to be a conniving dickhead," I stated proudly, stopping in front of them with my arms crossed. I don't know where this surge of confidence was coming from, but I kinda liked it.

"The fuck did you just say to me," he let go of Ben and started lurking towards me. This was the perfect chance for him to get away. The boys were entirely focused on me. I looked passed Henry's shoulder and my eyes met Ben's. He was terrified and astonished. I nodded my head up slightly, gesturing for him to go. He didn't get it the first time; but after repeating it, he got it and ran away. I looked back to Henry,

"You heard me." This is the closest I've ever been to him. We were nearly a foot apart. He was significantly taller than I was, not a giant, but taller. Had surprisingly muscular arms and I never noticed the upturn of his nose before. He broke the distance with one more step. I wanted to step away because of the awkwardness, but I also didn't want to give him the satisfaction. I simply kept my arms crossed and craned my neck up to look at him. He did the opposite with his neck, but also crossed his arms. Maybe this was a way of establishing dominance.

"I don't think I heard you quite right. Mind repeating what you said," he pushed. He was trying to scare me, but I don't scare easy.

"I said, I don't want you to be a conniving dickhead."

"I don't care about what you want," he retorted.

"You're the one who asked, honey." He let out a breathy laugh.

"No one gets away with talking to me like that, sweetheart."

"I think I just did."

"I like her," a voice called out. I soon realized it belonged to Patrick. Shame because I didn't like him. "What're we going to do with her, Henry?" Henry opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.

"I'll tell you what's going to happen. I'm going to walk away and enjoy myself a lovely meal in the cafeteria, while you four stand around and play with each other's dicks. And then you're never going to bother me ever again. Got it? Ok." I moved to walk past him, but he grabbed my bicep instead.

"It's not that easy," he told me, squeezing roughly. I yanked my arm away harshly, catching him off guard.

"It is that easy because I'm not afraid of you, Henry," I let out through gritted teeth. With that, I pushed past him, hitting my shoulder with his purposely.

(HENRY'S P.O.V.)

Patrick scoffed, "You're just going to let her get away with that? She deserves to be taught a lesson to." I agreed. I completely agreed, but she wouldn't be easy.

"I know," is all I managed to say before I turned to face them. "Do any of you know her?" They all shook their head uselessly, causing me to roll my eyes.

Vic was the only one to speak,

"I know she's a freshman, just not the name." I nodded,

"Lets get outta here." I walked ahead, knowing they would automatically follow. It was that girl. She knew my name, but I didn't know hers. It bothers me, but a lot more than it should. How could I not know the name of a girl like that?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THAT IS THE END OF CHAPTER 1. Hopefully you enjoyed it! This is the first chapter of a definite series :)

[serena-waldorf]

Pretty sure I haven't had like a really good cry since the end of September which has been nice since I basically cried all the time for the 2-3 years before that lol and now my life isn't perfect or anything but mentally I'm in a much better place than I was. But the past few days have been rough (my hormones are always out of whack right after my period) and now I like NEED a good cry and can't lmao.

[antiagingsol-blog]

My Top 5 All-Natural Anti-Aging Secrets

We are all going to grow older. Only you can control how you will age. The following advice will help you learn how to keep your youth for the longest amount of time possible.

Having healthy relationship is vital to growing older healthy. Being involved in local community activities has been proven to increase both your health and your life span. In order to get the greatest benefit of your social interactions, you should focus on those which involve intimacy with people you can pour your heart out to.

Challenge your mind often to keep it healthy. Older people are wiser, so you should work on furthering your intelligence as you grow. Taking a course through your local college or filling out a crossword puzzle can exercise your mind, and make you feel great.

One of the keys to successful getting older is to always be willing to learn new things. It is important to always learn through life.

Step up your workout routine. As you get older, your body requires more time and energy to maintain its strength and flexibility. Walking every day for at least thirty minutes is a great way to start keeping your body healthy. Try adding in strength exercises about two times a week. This keeps your body healthy and fit, and helps you avoid other age related problems.

Wherever you are, bring your happiness with you. Making others smile will make you feel great. Being happy does not cost a thing, it is a priceless gift to others.

Life is an adventure; enjoy and explore! Set milestones for yourself, and when you reach them feel proud of yourself.

Keep only the positive people in your life. Research indicates that smiling and laughing results in fewer wrinkles thus keeping you looking younger. So you want to spend your time with friends that will make you smile and laugh, not ones that make you frown!

Hormone balance is of the utmost importance to all men and women as they age. Hormone imbalances can cause a slew of problems as we age. Depression, weight gain and insomnia are a few problems caused by out of whack hormones, and these can lead to additional medical problems. If you find yourself suffering from any of these symptoms, please see a doctor in order to find the best treatment to balance out your hormones, so the aging process is a much more pleasant experience.

Have a little fun! Now is the time in your life where you have freedom to do as you choose with the power and ability to make it happen. Fill your days with the people and things you love.

After you have retired you will have time to pick up those dear hobbies that you had to leave behind. Now that you finally have plenty of time to focus on yourself, it is important to renew your interest in the things you once enjoyed. These activities will keep your mind sharp, active, and interested in life.

Check your blood pressure often. There are many times no symptoms are present if you have high blood pressure, which is why it is often referred to as "the silent killer". As you age, it becomes more important to have your blood pressure checked on a regular basis, because your cardiovascular system can deteriorate over time. If you catch your blood pressure spiking, this allows you to address the issue immediately.

Smoking will prevent you from looking your best - so quit! Smoking contributes to wrinkles, especially around the mouth. It also makes you age faster and can put you in the grave before your time.

Be sure to improve your diet in general. This is a big step toward combating the growing older process. You need to eat fruits, vegetables, dairies, meats, and avoid fats, sodium or large amounts of refined sugar. You may also want to try cutting back on snacks and eating three moderate meals.

Visit your doctor annually and complete all the tests that he recommends. Being proactive about your health can be beneficial to you in the long run. Early detection of disease or cancer is important. By taking care of your problems now, you have a better chance of getting proper treatment.

Anti-oxidants are something you should take every day. If you do so, you will have less free radicals. Most antioxidants can be found in dark-colored veggies and fruits such as spinach, carrots, tomatoes, squash, blackberries and blueberries.

Get hip to injection therapy! This procedure is specifically designed for wrinkle treatment. Through this treatment, the muscles of the face are relaxed and wrinkles are reduced. This process is more appealing then surgery because it is safer. However, it is not necessarily a "one and done" treatment. Multiple treatments might be needed.

Give priority to getting to routine doctor visits for check-ups. Checkups allow your doctor to see how your vital signs are and identify any potential problems. It helps to identify problems early before they become serious. Every condition or disease can be treated more effectively when caught in the earliest stages.

Taking care of your skin is especially vital as you age. Young people need to constantly protect their skin from the harmful UV rays of the sun. Spending time exposed to the sun increases the speed at which wrinkles or even skin cancer develop.

Stress causes premature growing older, so stay stress-free as much as you possibly can. Exercise is also a great stress reliever, and working 20 minutes of it each day into your schedule can be a great relaxant and health tonic.

Eat foods with a lot of fiber to curb getting older effects. If you eat fibers, your digestive system will be free of toxins. Additionally, it helps to remove bad cholesterol, slow digestion and stabilize blood sugar. In short, fiber keeps your stomach and other parts of your digestive system healthy so that they work as efficiently as possible.

The ideas in the article should give you some great tips on slowing the aging process and feeling younger. Best of luck to you and stay young!

Read more interesting informations visit: anti aging solutions

 hey everybody its Angie and welcome to hot and flashy today I'm going to share with you my top 5 all-natural anti-aging skincare secrets now this kind of a video with that kind of a title I feel like you are here because you're hoping to see some super all-natural magical thing that you've never heard of before that's going to erase all your lines and wrinkles all your age spots firm up your skin and make you look ten years younger I don't want to bait-and-switch you but since this is about all natural anti-aging secrets guess what they are all lifestyle changes so if you're not into making lifestyle changes you might be disappointed in what I have to say in this video but I want you to stick around and watch it anyway because I think that or at least I hope that you'll learn something from the video and you'll learn that lifestyle changes really can make a difference in how you look as you get older it's not that I'm afraid of Aging or you know there's anything wrong with aging obviously we can't avoid it it happens no matter what you do every second of your life the time is ticking away the point for me is to be the best I can be at every age to look as youthful as I can to be as healthy as I can so that as I do get older I can enjoy my life so I take my anti-aging very very seriously I'm also an equal-opportunity anti-ager which means that while I do live anti-aging in my lifestyle with the tips that I'm going to show you in today's video I also do other things some of the other things that I have done in the past are Botox fillers IPL treatments laser treatments I have never had any surgery whatsoever so I don't want you to be sitting there watching me wondering well issue full of Botox right now the answer is no is she full of filler right now the answer is no I'm going to be 54 next week in general I think that my skin looks pretty good for its age I think that it could also look a lot better for its age if I had started doing these five things that are going to tell you today when I was a lot younger and that of course leads me into my number one all natural anti-aging secret and that is to avoid UV radiation that is good old mr. sunshine I spent plenty of time in my youth baking in the Sun I don't do that anymore I stopped baking about 20 years ago now I'm not saying live in a cave obviously I lead an active life I bike I garden I paddleboard the point is to protect your skin while you're outside so I wear sunscreen every single day on every single part of my exposed skin it doesn't matter to me if it's winter or summer high noon or six o'clock in the evening if the Sun is out I have my sunscreen on and that's because the UVA rays are the invisible Agers that we didn't really know about until recently and they are the same strength at all times of the day and at all times of the year they come through clouds they come through windows so definitely apply sunscreen every day of an SPF 30 or higher now I've got a couple of natural ones that I wanted to show you today this one is one that I found in my recent roundup of all mineral sunscreens this is the my shell replenishing solar defense SPF 30 this is a great one it works really well under makeup this is burn out eco this is an SPF 35 also all mineral and then there are these think sports sunscreens this is a great brand all natural all mineral sunscreens Reap safe so if any of these sunscreens can help you to wear a sunscreen every day I highly recommend them if you want to see my sunscreen roundup video from this year I'm putting the links to all the associated videos in the information box below this video so just click that show more button that box will open up and you'll get to go over to those videos afterwards alright so the other thing that I do besides sunscreen I always have a hat with me so I want to show you a couple of my favorite hats this is an Eric Javits Fedora this has an SPF value of 50 this saved my skin on my recent trip to Spain where I was out there outdoors pretty much all day every day that with a cute pair of sunglasses and you're protecting your face and your eyes from the Sun so it's a great look it's very hip and youthful now sunglasses I definitely recommend for everyone because of course as you know our eyes are the first area of our face that start to show aging so sunglasses can go a long way to protecting the skin around your eyes so putting on a nice big pair of sunglasses whether it's you know a spending pair of Tory Burch aviators like these or an inexpensive $9 pair of sunglasses from Target these have 100% UV protection so wearing sunglasses every time you're out in the Sun prevents squinting it reduces crow's feet and it also protects against cataracts so you can anti-age your eyes on the inside as well tip number two is to sleep on your back with your head elevated now this is probably going going to be one of the more difficult things to accomplish if you're a side sleeper but I can tell you it will change your skin for the better I used to be a side sleeper I would wake up in the morning look in my bathroom mirror and I would have this v of wrinkles edged into my chest and that was over four years ago my wrinkles should be worse because I've aged but look I don't have any chest wrinkles and the reason is that I switched from sleeping on my side to sleeping on my back the clincher to have me do it was that I was visiting my dermatologist one day and she actually said oh you sleep on this side of your face don't you and I was like what how can you tell and she was like well your wrinkles on this side are way deeper than they are on this side and I was like oh my god you could tell just by looking at me it took me around 3 to 6 months to finally train myself fully to sleep on my back but now that I've done it I am so glad I did and when I look at it over the long term like I'm planning on living probably another 40 years or so with any luck three months is a drop in the bucket compared to 40 years of comfortable back sleeping but I ended up buying a sleeping wedge and this is like one of the best things that I ever bought I picked this up on Amazon it's just like a big wedge of foam it has this nice bamboo cover that comes off and I can wash it but I put my pillows on top of that and I sleep actually kind of with my upper body elevated and that really helped to train me to sleep on my back I sleep better because my hips don't hurt I'm not tossing and turning and when I wake up I don't have pain in my shoulders like I used to the other thing is that sleeping with your head elevated will help with dark circles and puffiness and eye bags because those three things are mainly caused by fluid pooling under your eyes while you sleep who knew and so sleeping with your head elevated actually helps those to drain out of your face and so it keeps your eye area looking younger longer and who doesn't want that tip number three is to feed your skin from the inside as it turns out what we eat directly affects how our skin looks and how our skin ages some foods actually help our skin to age slower and look better and some foods speed up the aging process oh my gosh and of course don't you know it's the things that we love the most that speed up the aging process so the foods to avoid are refined sugars unfortunately refined sugars promote glycation which damages cells and causes wrinkles alcohol is pro-inflammatory and it speeds up the aging process of course you've probably also heard those recent studies where resveratrol and ingredients in red wine actually help to slow the aging process so if you're going to have that glass of red wine every day to help with your heart and your aging then go ahead and do that just everything in moderation I love sugar I can't cut it out of my diet completely but I have cut way back on the amount of refined sugar that I'm eating so onto the foods that actually help us look younger antioxidant and vitamin rich foods that can protect your cells from free radical damage those are things like raw almonds dark chocolate so there you can get some sweets in there but without a lot of refined sugar blueberries blackberries strawberries dark berries green tea actually any tea all the teas have polyphenols and antioxidants and dark leafy green vegetables like kale and spinach now the other foods that I eat a of our salmon and fishes that contain healthy fats and omega-3 fatty acids and omega-6 fatty acids those fats work inside the cells to help protect the moisture barrier and so of course I have a video on what I eat in a day I've actually done two of them and I'm due for an update and the link for that will be in the information box below the video as well so you can see how I've worked all of these things into my diet tip number four is to nourish skin from the outside so just like I talked about nourishing skin from the inside with vitamins and antioxidants you can do that from the outside as well so while your skin's main function is to keep things out it is a little bit absorb and things do make it in there and some of the things that are the best and absorbing into your skin and making a change our vitamins and antioxidants my number one vitamin to use on my skin is vitamin A now I use a prescription vitamin A you've heard of this is called retin-a or this is the generic tretinoin that I get I can't say that this is 100% all-natural I'm not sure if it is so if you don't want to use a prescription retinoid you don't have to but you should definitely use some kind of vitamin A and vitamin A fortunately comes in all different forms obviously the other forms are not going to be as strong as this they're not going to work as well or as fast but they will work over time one great source of vitamin A is rosehip seed oil it's 100% natural you can get yourself some rosehip seed oil put that on your face your neck your chest there's also over-the-counter retinol creams I don't have a hundred percent natural one to recommend to you but one that I really do like a lot is this CeraVe skin renewing cream serum and what vitamin A does is it works at the cellular level to help your skin to generate more collagen and it helps to reduce wrinkles another vitamin that I love for topical skincare is vitamin C vitamin C is a very potent antioxidant it helps to scavenge free radicals that go around breaking down the scaffolding that holds our skin up it helps to brighten our skin on the surface and to reduce the appearance of age spots the one that I use in love and I believe this is all natural this is made in the US this is by timeless skincare it's their twenty percent C plus E Plus Peru liqu acid serum and this is a great way to get vitamin C into your skin it will absorb right in so it really works well the other vitamins that I look for our vitamin b3 which is niacinamide that's another antioxidant that is showing really great things that it does for skin it can reduce your pores it can reduce wrinkles it can brighten the skin it helps with skin cell turnover so that's wonderful a product that is all-natural that I like very much that contains niacinamide is the mad hippie face cream this has so much good stuff packed into it I love this stuff I brought the box over just so I could read you a couple of the ingredients so it's got the niacinamide it's got Matrixyl 3000 it's got argan oil it's got green tea extract it's got grapeseed extract it's got resveratrol acai berry vitamin E coenzyme q10 coconut oil I mean it is just packed with so much great stuff this is a great product especially if you are into all natural skin care products and all natural anti-ager number 5 is the one you guys have probably probably been dreading hearing but it is exercise exercise really is an anti-ager it helps your skin to produce more antioxidants to fight those free radicals it also helps with blood flow so as you exercise you know how your skin gets flushed that is the blood rushing to the surface of your skin and that helps to bring more of those nutrients in your diet to your skin to deliver those things to the skin cells where it's needed it also helps to flush out toxins and free radicals so increasing blood flow is really great for you especially as you get older now there wasn't really any clinical evidence of this before it was all kind of anecdotal but there was a study done that I just stumbled upon that they actually took a small group of people who were over 65 they were sedentary people and they took a little biopsy of their skin they examined that under a microscope and they found that their skin pretty much looked like the standard old person's skin where the stratum corneum the top layer was thickened and that's kind of what makes the skin look dull and more wrinkled and that the dermis the inner layers were thinner which also makes your skin look older so they took this group of people and they had them start exercising two times a week for 30 minutes after three months of that they went back took another biopsy of their skin and guess what their skin resembled the skin of a twenty to thirty year old so their stratum corneum had thinned and their dermis had thickened and so the guy that did the research was like I I don't want to say that exercise is the Fountain of Youth but you know I kind of think it is so when I saw that I was like yes I knew exercise made me feel better and I had this sense that it helped me to look better but there was no confirmation before and now that I've seen this study I'm like yes these are things that you can start doing at any age and they will have an effect on your skin of course if you started them in your 20s that would be better but what you'll find out is that research has shown that you are never too old to start doing these things if you start even when you're in your 60s it can still improve the look of your skin and your skin is such an amazing organ that you can turn back the hands of time on it even though you're getting older so those were my top five all natural anti-aging secrets so thanks for tuning in today everybody I really appreciate your time and I'll see you in the next video so take care bye