#and a plant because he's def not ready for a puppy

[flowerflamestars]

Hotter Take: If you think Rhysand and the IC are the good guys, you probably also think Dumbledore is cool and do not and will not acknowledge just how manipulative and shitty they are.

P.S: Azriel, hidden depths or just a slightly more insightful lapdog? Got into an argument when i said he probably doesn't have a personality

Correct and PERFECT TAKE. If you think they're fabulous you are also, 85% more likely to find Severus Snape noble and tragic.

AZRIEL!! Oh god, okay. I have three distinct thoughts on this:

1) He is...laughably without a personality. Like, I'm sorry, but S/JM has not effectively written a group dynamic that feels feasible/realistic/semi-allows everyone to be people since Queen of Shadows. Her books thrive on having a whole band of people together, but there is zero main character/side character balance.

Is part of that because he's The Scary Quiet One? yes, sure. No reason to be chatting up Feyre (who is a child!! god. B A B Y. I reread acomaf and I AM SEETHING but that is neither here nor there)? yeah probably.

which brings me to 2) Everything. Pretty much everything we (myself included, because writing him in Starlight was very fun) like about Az...isn't strictly canon.

It's canon-adjacent. We're filling the gaps because there is almost nothing but a sketched outline. And it works SO WELL- because Azriel, almost more than Rhysie himself, is a big sexy trope trap.

He's the Quiet One with the dry humor! the (we pretend) heart of gold! Longing! Service! Loyalty from the Shadows! He is a LITERAL CINDERELLA STORY. Darkly handsome but BLUSHING. Scarred gentle hands! Daddy issues!

It is right there for the taking.

3) it is right there for the taking and canon takes NONE OF IT.

Like. Azriel is almost better as a menacing background shadow because the second you interrogate...really, any part of his character, nothing makes sense. Nothing.

His story is predicated on pain, right? Horrible suffering until he could talk to darkness. Its almost like he can read minds. his gift is secrets. It is a journey of improbable survival.

But to get secrets out of people. He brutally tortures them??

Which, is made further redundant not just by his gifts...but the fact...that he serves not one, but two mind-readers???

Azriel is transparently traumatized by having been the one to find Morrigan dumped in Autumn, stripped and halfway to death. It fucked him up SO BAD- which makes complete and total sense considering that like...he comes from this brutal suffering, and this culture that not only wanted him dead, but his mother dead, one that we're given to understand (which we are NOT EVEN TOUCHING THE RACISM YET) seeks to harm women, and anyone different.

And then, instead of being someone safe for her, bonded by the fact that Az came for her, Az found her....Azriel spends five hundred years scaring her?

Azriel disobeys orders and sense to save Elain. We, without his POV, scrabble to dots to connect: Az, who will always come. Az, who cannot stand not to try. Who cannot handle the idea of her tortured, harmed-

And then canon give us his POV- and's like. She was mine. I'm going to duel her soul-bonded man and MURDER HIM?? Because i can do it better! I GET TO HURT HER.

What, and I cannot say this enough, the fuck.

Ignore all the potential, all the fanon, all the fun to be had: Azriel is a professional torturer with anger issues whose love interests are exclusively traumatized, vulnerable women.

(He is also. Incidentally. The most Illyrian-looking of the three Illyrian bros, and yes, this is so fucked up)

It's...not anything new. It's not even bad in an interesting way.

The peeks of possible personality get squashed, almost immediately, by the actual narrative! One jokey night drinking with Feyre because he is, you know, a person, does not cancel out that in THOUSANDS of pages he was so vague fans essentially...made up a whole man is shape.

And. I'm sorry, but even internally there's some hmm who is this character??? dissonance.

Mr. Trauma make me Weird About Women, sees emaciated, visibly hella bruised Nesta, and is like immediately: who hit you???

but then. When his 'brother' thinks its like...the funniest thing in the world that Nesta fell a height that left her IMMORTAL FAERY BODY still fucked up the next day...he doesn't care?

He's like hahaha Cas I'm here to make sure you keep it in your pants about the prisoner WINK WINK

but. One of the only clear character beats we HAVE about him is that Az is the renegade who will Free Every Woman in bondage. Morrigan, who probably has the most reason to have an unstinting opinion of Az, tells Feyre he was going to save her from SPRING

yall. I am not going to read the Az book, I'm sorry.

[klimtandbencbatch]

For an IronStrange prompt: Steve is making Tony feel like crap(cause mcu Steve dosent care about feelings) and Tony' s day is just getting worse and worse until strange makes him feel better. [Insert lenny face]

this is gonna be a two-parter!!! also I took some liberties w/ the prompt, I hope you don’t mind!!! next part is the fuckin’ and a wrap up of the divorce lmao

Other Words For “Splitting Up” Part 1

Tony Stark was hard at work in his lab, bobbing his head to Def Leppard as he worked on his suit’s thrusters, tweaking a few things here and there. It was a typical day for him, so far - wake up, have breakfast (coffee), read the paper, check stocks, head downstairs and get to work for God knew how many hours. He was just getting ready for the next step, lunch (coffee) when his music suddenly went quiet, and the doors slid open.

“Hey, what did I say about - “

He fell silent as a stack of papers fell to the nearby work table with a heavy, thick thud. A thud of finality, Tony reflected, as he looked up at none other than Steve Rogers standing before him, hands on his muscle-y, muscle-y hips.

“Uh, hey, Steve. Did you - ?”

“Just read the papers, Tony.”

Tony paused, blinking rapidly for a moment before nodding. “Uh, yeah. Okay.” He set his wrench aside, wiping his hands clean of grease before picking up the top paper off the stack. His eyes immediately snapped back to Steve, his jaw dropping.

“You’re - serving me?”

“Let’s just face facts, Tony. We haven’t been together in a long time. Hell, we haven’t slept in the same bed in years.”

“Uh, yeah, and whose fault is - “

“Stop,” Steve said at once, raising a hand. “This is why I - brought a lawyer into it.  Because I’m sick of having these arguments with you.”

Tony scoffed, standing, fuming slightly as he still had to look up at Steve. “Yknow, you wanted to get married in the first place.”

“And now I wanna get divorced,” Steve answered tiredly. “Alright? Just - read the papers, Tony. Please.”

Tony deflated slightly, looking over at the stack on his desk. “I… um. Yeah. I will. Just - leave. Okay? Just get out.”

Steve hesitated for just a moment, looking as if he wanted to say something else. With those damn - puppy dog eyes of his. Tony shook his head firmly, turning away.

“I’m serious, Rogers. Bye.”

He closed his eyes as he heard the doors slide shut, pressing his fists firmly against his forehead. He aimed a kick at his tool box, sending wrenches and screwdrivers flying every which way all over his workshop.

“Fuck!”

He’d known he and Steve were over. He’d known it for a long time. But lawyers meant meetings, and meetings meant going places together, and doing that when they hadn’t been seen publicly together in so long meant press. Press meant stories, stories meant attention, and attention meant Tony being the villain. He could see the headlines already.

Stark Tosses Out All-American Hero!

Marriage Bed Gone Icier than Cap?

Star-Spangled Couple Calls it Quits! Stark’s Riches to Blame?

“Fuck,” he muttered again, folding his arms over his chest with a long sigh. He saw Dum-E and U starting to move towards the tools, and he snapped his fingers to get their attention.

“No, no. Stop. I’ll clean it up, you two - you two take a break. Okay? We’ve all earned a break.”

He bit his lip as he turned back to the papers. “Time for some light reading,“ he mumbled, hefting the stack and heading upstairs, leaving his workshop a dismantled mess.

They’d tried to be discreet.

With the whole - Infinity War thing getting in the way, they’d had to postpone their divorce proceedings for a bit. Tony saved the world - maybe the headlines wouldn’t be so harsh - and Steve helped, providing ground support and a somewhat-trusted ally and go-between for the Wakandans.

They’d tried to be discreet.

Everyone picked up on it. Bruce and Thor, freshly returned, immediately noticed Tony’s wedding band missing, once they’d all joined back together after the mess on Titan. Peter had it figured out minute one, smart kid. Tony wasn’t sure he’d be able to forget the looks of pity on everyone’s faces.

And all of that Thanos shit, on top of getting divorced?

When Happy pulled up to their “secret meeting place” and Tony could already see cameras flashing, he nearly punched his window out. “Are you fucking kidding me?” he muttered, peering out to try to see who was there.

“Captain Rogers must be here already,” Happy groused, equally as displeased.

“Fuck this,” Tony sighed, shoving himself out of the car. He ignored the questions hurled at him by the press, heading inside and meeting up with his lawyer in the lobby of the building.

“I was told there wouldn’t be press coverage? That this was just a - strategy meeting?”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Stark, it would appear - “

“Forget it,” Tony said, waving his hand. “Just - show me where the big guy is.”

————————————

“…and he’s suing me for alimony. Steve fuckin’ Rogers wants my money. What lifestyle did I get him used to? 2018 instead of 1942?”

Bruce offered a tight smile, not sure what to say. “I - dunno, Tones,” he tried, ducking behind the screen he was currently engrossed with. “Maybe he’s just - trying to rile you up.”

“He wants money for his fuckin’ Soviet boy toy is what it is,” Tony growled, swearing as he accidentally caught his finger in a tiny piece of machinery. “No, yknow what? Fuck these blasters. They’re fine the way they are. Fuck me, Brucey, I… What am I gonna do?“

Bruce poked his head back up, shrugging. “I… You’re gonna get through it, Tony. You’re - Tony Stark. You’ve been through worse than a divorce.”

Tony smiled a bit, getting up to stretch. “I’m gonna make a smoothie, and you just earned yourself one. Want one?”

“Sure. The - strawberry one you do. S’really good.”

Tony let his smile grow a bit more, heading over to the little bullet blender he kept in the workshop now.

“So,” Bruce started once the noise had died down and the requisite smoothies had been distributed, “what about that doctor?”

“Hm?”

“Strange. Stephen.”

“Oh. Oh, him,” Tony said, setting his cup aside. “I mean, well, yknow. We - hooked up. Once or twice.”

“Yeah?”

Tony nodded. “Uh huh.”

“And what’s he like, then?” Bruce asked.

“Are you a middle school girl?”

Bruce shrugged. “It’s taking your mind off of Divorcee in Chief.”

Tony sighed, fiddling with his smoothie straw. “He’s… really smart. Like, wickedly smart. And he’s funny! He makes me laugh every time I’m with him, like when we get coffee or whatever. And he’s a monster in bed. Present company excluded.”

“Har, har.”

“I dunno if this is TMI, but - Bruce, I nearly wept. That is how insanely good the sex was. It’s like he was in my head, but I wasn’t - afraid, yknow? He just paid attention to everything I wanted.”

“It’s a little TMI.”

Tony snorted, giving Bruce a look. “I had to hear about it from Thor the first time you guys slept together. I’ve earned this.”

Bruce flushed. “Sorry about that. Again.”

“Hey, yknow what? It’s all good. We’re just a couple of friends, shootin’ the shit.” He turned back to his blasters, poking at the metal a bit before sighing. “I just… I’m trying not to get too involved in anything, yknow? Until me and Steve are done, and - for a while after that. So I don’t fuck anything up.”

“Hey,” Bruce said, reaching out to pat Tony’s arm. “I get it. And I’m here. For - when you need to talk. Unless it’s about wizard sex, then I’ll have to pass…”

“Alright, Banner. I get it,” Tony laughed, getting back to work. “Thanks, pal.”

“Always, Tones.”

————————————

It all went downhill from there.

Meeting after meeting after meeting. And every time, Tony seemed to get there last, and the press was waiting to pounce. He refused to give Steve any kind of money - after the little stunt in Siberia? He was lucky that Tony hadn’t filed, that Tony had wanted to avoid publicity. And to what end did he owe Steve money? Sure, he’d had Stark Tower back then, sure, but he hadn’t spoiled Steve. By any stretch of the imagination.

And that’s why Steve was dragging this out. Tony just knew that it had to be the reason.

And it was starting to work. Tony was getting tired of fighting, and tired of being hounded by paparazzi and cameras everywhere he went.

He was having trouble sleeping, and he kept reading over the documents again and again, trying to figure out what the hell he was going to do. He was currently locked up in his workshop again, bent over his workbench with his fingers tangled tightly in his hair, his eyes scanning over sentences he’d read a thousand times already. How much longer could this go on for?

“Tony?”

He jumped up, scattering the papers over the floor. He turned quickly, sagging with relief when he saw who it was.

“Stephen. Thank God for you.”

He marched over to the sorcerer, planting his face in the middle of the other man’s chest. Stephen’s warm hands came to rest gently on the back of Tony’s neck, kneading at the muscles there.

“You’re so tense,” Stephen murmured.

“It’s my soon-to-be-ex husband,” Tony explained, nuzzling against Stephen’s robes. “Mm, you smell so good… Like a spice market…"

“Was in Nepal this morning,” Stephen said, smiling a bit. “Everything okay?”

“No,” Tony answered bluntly. “I get voicemails from Steve every twenty fucking seconds asking if I confirmed for the next meeting or not. He’s got this huge sum of money he wants hanging over my head, and - on top of all of that - he’s out parading around with that - monster, and no one seems to be risking their journalistic integrity to print the truth! At least I’m keeping us somewhat quiet.”

Stephen let Tony vent, settling down on a nearby work stool. He nodded as he listened, watching Tony pace back and forth, pushing down thoughts of how cute he was. So little.

“Sorry,” Tony sighed, noticing Stephen listening. “I just… I’m really strung out over this. Yknow?”

“Need a bit of… Stress relief?”

Tony stopped talking mid-sentence, turning to face Stephen. His pupils dilated almost instantly, and he was on the sorcerer in a second. “Please. God, please.”

“My place,” Stephen urged. “Quieter. Further away from the cameras.”

“Take me away, magic man.”

Stephen smiled, opening a portal and pushing Tony through, immediately pinning him to his bed.

“Oh, I intend to, Mr. Stark.”

[flowcrsoul]

@a-mighty-thunder​ asked   :   dongfeng   -   SEND ME A SHIP AND I’LL TELL YOU

who hogs the duvet.    Jiu needs something to cuddle when she’s asleep, and when her octopus arms don’t got Donghua, it’s the duvet, sorry.

who texts/rings to check how their day is going.   I think Jiu’s more likely to text/ring and Donghua’s more likely to just Show Up (because he likes to troll her and the mini panic of ‘whAT OH UR HERE SHOOT I GOTTA -’ is funny).

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts.   Depends on the definition of creative??? Jiu defs gives some out there gifts but Donghua probably gives whacker ones to troll.

who gets up first in the morning.   Donghua - but does he really get up, or is he trapped under the octopus limbs forever???

who suggests new things in bed.   Surprisingly enough, Innocent Baby Jiu, who never knows e x a c t l y what she’s suggesting (but is suggesting it anyway because she loves and trusts him and it’s h i m, it’ll be good)

who cries at movies.   Jiu, but also if it’s a the-fluffy-animal-gets-hurt movie, it might be Donghua.

who gives unprompted massages.   Both! It might take a while for either to notice the other is stressed and in need of massage but they get on that quick.

who fusses over the other when they’re sick.   Jiu is a whole human-shaped being of Fuss when Donghua is sick, so, her. But also when she’s sick she is Full Cling and Refuses to Let Go of him, so I’m not sure he really has a choice.

who gets jealous easiest.   Our OG Pot of Vinegar, the Vinegar King, Donghua himself.

who has the most embarrassing taste in music.   I fully hc that Jiu belts Pocketful of Sunshine every day in the shower. But also Donghua might listen to some weird funky instrumentals, so, both of them.

who collects something unusual.   I don’t know if it’s unusual but Donghua probably has a stack of photos of All the Fluffy Animals he’s Ever Seen at the Office.

who takes the longest to get ready.   Jiu but because she has to run back upstairs to get something she forgot 50 times. Ok, also because she has to stRAIGHTEN HER RAMEN HAIR but shhhh.

who is the most tidy and organised.   Uh, not Jiu, per previous question, so, Donghua it is.

who gets most excited about the holidays.   Both of them for different reasons and in different ways? Jiu just really likes Holiday Cheer and General Atmosphere of Magic and Festivity, and is really Extra about it. Donghua vibes like he’s l o w k e y soft that he has a reason/excuse to hang out with the fam, but also he kinda wants to yeet around half an hour in.

who is the big spoon/little spoon.   As the tol of this relationship, Donghua is usually big spoon. Jiu will, however, immediately take it upon herself to be big spoon when Donghua needs Specifically Protective and Comforting Cuddles (which?? might be more than he lets on but shh)

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports.   Jiu is mASSIVELY COMPETITIVE and Donghua probably somehow trolls her with this information.

who starts the most arguments.   Probably...Jiu? In both the, non-serious, we’re-only-sort-of-arguing-but-it’s-bc-we’re-dumb-and-petty-and-this-is-fun way, and also in the serious “we have an issue” way. Because she’s more likely to pout about things and also more likely to Notice when they actually have a legitimate problem.

who suggests that they buy a pet.   Donghua, after going through his stack of cute animal pictures. Jiu can’t resist the puppy eyes, so, they’re going to end up with as many dogs as they have kids, probably.

what couple traditions they have.   do these count as traditions?? She sneaks into his office to write him cute and pointless notes on his notepad (99% of the time they honestly just say “I love you” w/ the i dotted with a heart). He habitually kisses her forehead in the morning when he’s out the door and she’s still sleeping. They take one day out of the weekend to be Date Day and they make a goal to take At Least One Picture Together. Jiu will send him Stalker Photos of him over the course of a day w/ various heart-eyes emojis.

what tv shows they watch together.   Donghua likes to turn on Dumb Competitive Cooking shows and offer Commentary (tm). Jiu likes to make them both watch cartoons (bECAUSE THE CARTOONS ARE CUTE OK). 

what other couple they hang out with.   Lian Song and Cheng Yu kind of fulfill the Best Friend Couple Requirements (tm), my assumption is they probably hang out w/ Mo Yuan and Shao Wan a bit, but that remains to be seen (tm).

how they spend time together as a couple.   At the beginning, going on a variety of chaotic dates that never exactly end as planned but are Soft anyway. When they start living together, domestic bliss. They’re really just h o m e to each other so it’s just simple loving comfort.

who made the first move.   Jiu by technicality, but in all fairness it’s a more simultaneous first move than canon canon : ‘ D Donghua, actually, you know, responds to the flirting, and doesn’t literally not know she exists for 300 years. 

who brings flowers home.   Both of them - Donghua does the bouquets and Jiu does the potted plants (though...Jiu boo, are those really flowers - you can’t call flowering tomato plants flowers - ).

who is the best cook.   Jiu by a long l o n g stretch. Donghua won’t burn the kitchen down or anything, but he can probably make water taste like bleach, so.