#and after crying for 357 hours I made this

[captain-coffeebean]

“Unable to perceive the shape of You, I find You all around me. Your presence fills my eyes with Your love, It humbles my heart, For You are everywhere.”

[thesculptedflower]

A Firecracker

May I request a Riddler x reader, where they meet during a heist, and after taking hostages and what not, the Riddler nabs the reader as a prize too.

@craftyjellyfishcat​

Note: I have to push the S1 Ed fic to tomorrow, I’m so sorry! Things came up at home, but it’ll be posted asap! Love you guys!

A Firecracker

’’Number 357!’’ The banker shouted, the queue moving painstakingly slowly. You glanced down at the number on your paper. 401. You sighed, prepping yourself for the next few hours you’d have to spend at the Gotham City Bank. You had fought your way up the cruel path of being a small business owner in Gotham, where basically anyone was a rival to you. People only look after their own gain, rarely wanting to see the neighboring business succeeding. You had faced many threats from businesses that were run by big and important families, but you didn’t lower your head. You fought back, even when they tried to burn down your place. It was a sloppy job, and they were quickly caught and brought to justice. Which was exactly why you were now queueing at the bank, the court had granted you a small fund to help you re-build. It felt good to be aided, but it also painted a huge target to your back. 

It didn’t make you scared or paranoid, but it sure made you even more courageous to push back those who tried to bring you down. You knew you had it in you.

You had lost the track of time, when a small explosion pulled you from your thoughts. People were screaming and running all over the place, but nobody saw anything or anyone. The heavy safety doors sealed all the exits and people were starting to panic more and more. Suddenly all the lights went out, except for one. The light shined above the staircase to the second floor, and under it was a tall man in a green suit. The Riddler.

You tried to find a way out of the room, but the darkness around you made it impossible.

’’Fear not, dear citizens of Gotham!’’ Riddler announced extravagantly. ’’I’d like to play a game.’’ 

Some of the people screamed, causing even more fear in the others. ’’SILENCE!’’ Riddler shouted, clearly agitated that his speech was disturbed. His deep voice quickly filled the whole space. ’’If any of you try to run, I’ll press this trigger, that will let out a toxic smoke. If you get all three questions right, I’ll let you live.’’He explained, showcasing the trigger inside his jacket. You stayed as low as you could, trying to slowly make your way closer to him. You weren’t the strongest, but you thought you could distract him long enough for the police to arrive. 

’’None of you shall be harmed, but only if you answer correctly to these three simple questions.’’ He was smiling like a maniac, walking down the stairs step by step, holding a gun in his hand. If you only could get that gun. ’’Let’s begin!’’ He shouted, the people below him shaking from the pressure. ’’I speak without a mouth and hear without ears. I have no body, but I come alive with wind. What am I?’’ 

There was a short silence, before people started whispering to each other, trying to come up with the correct answer. You were quick with your thinking, but you didn’t want him to notice you were getting closer to him. ’’An echo.’’ You whispered to a person next to you and kept walking.

’’An echo!’’ The person shouted, lowering his head afterwards to avoid being seen properly.

’’Excellent!’’ Riddler exclaimed joyously. ’’You see a boat filled with people. It has not sunk, but when you look again, you don’t see a single person on the boat. Why?’’

Whispering began once again, accompanied with a few desperate cries. This one was harder, but you came up with the answer in time, once again whispering it to the person nearest to you. ’’They’re all married!’’ They answered.

’’Correct once again. Maybe I chose the wrong bank.’’ His smile wasn’t faltering, he was so sure of himself, so confident. 

You were almost at the base of the stairs, ready to jump for his gun any point now. You knew he had the higher ground, but you had to take the chance. 

’’I have keys, but no locks and space, and no rooms. You can enter, but you-.’’ He started, but was interrupted by your sudden attack. You jumped out of the crowd aiming for his gun, but unfortunately for you, he had seen it coming miles away. He was surprisingly quick with his moves, ceasing you by the arm before you could even lay your hands on him. Now that you were forced to face him, you noticed how dark and dangerous his features were. The black bowler hat casted a sinister shadow on his face, making the already dark brown eyes seem even darker. The strong glasses framed his face perfectly, highlighting the strong jaw and high cheekbones. You didn’t want to admit it, but you were taken aback by how good he looked. And he was so intelligent, he saw right through you. 

’’Like what you see?’’ He teased, a cocky grin playing on his lips. You could feel a blush rising to your cheeks, but thanks to the poor lightning, it wasn’t too obvious. 

’’A little firecracker I see, daring to interrupt me in the middle of the last riddle, tsk tsk.’’

He was menacing, but you weren’t scared yet. You knew he loved his riddles, and he wanted to know if this poor audience could get away from him. 

’’Now if you please, let’s rise our bets a little, shall we.’’ 

He made you stand perfectly still on one of the steps and aimed the gun at your head. It made few people shriek, but you tried to motion them to be calm with your hands. The Riddler watched you silently communicating with them and let out a quick laughter. ’’Now would you look at that, what a heroine we have in our midst.’’ He said moving to stand behind you, and you swore you could feel his eyes on you. 

’’I’ll ask this one final riddle, and if you get it right, you’ll all get to go home.’’ He continued. ’’But, if you get it wrong.. Bang.’’ He pretended to shoot you in the back of the head. ’’She goes first.’’

People were crying and getting more panicked, but you remained calm. 

’’Only one color, but not one size. Stuck at the bottom, yet easily flies. Present in sun, but not in rain, doing no harm and feeling no pain. What am I?’’ He almost whispered, him being so close to your ear send goosebumps down your arms. You concentrated, forcing yourself to think of an answer. 

’’Is this too hard for our savior?’’ The Riddler teased, moving to speak to the other side of your head. ’’Time’s running out, and I’m right here, shadowing you.’’

That’s it.

’’A shadow.’’ You said almost too quickly.

You could feel the grin he had on his lips. ’’Well done, but unfortunately I can’t leave with empty hands.’’ 

You didn’t have time to comprehend his words before you were muffled with a cloth that smelled like, chloroform. 

* * * * * * *

When you woke up, you felt like you were hit by a truck. The room was small and dimly lit, and you sure as hell didn’t recognize it. You panicked a little and tried to sprung up from the bed, only to realize that you were tied down, only one hand free. 

’’Easy there, we don’t want you breaking anything.’’ A familiar, though more soft, voice said from somewhere in the room. Your eyes darted around, trying to find the source. A tall figure stood next to a kitchen counter, pouring two cups of coffee. He was wearing an ordinary flannel, and didn’t seem threatening at all. You had your guesses, which were proven right as he turned around. For some reason, you didn’t feel scared anymore.

’’Coffee?’’ He asked, setting the cup on the night stand next to the bed. You followed his every move with your eyes as he sat down to the end of the bed, carefully sipping his own coffee. Neither of you said a word for a while. 

’’You told me the answer.’’ You said first. Riddler lifted his brown eyes to yours, smiling genuinely this time. ’’That I did.’’

’’Why?’’ 

He let out a soft laugh, shaking his head a little.

’’You were telling the right answers to the others, trying to distract me from following you in the crowd. I wanted you to survive. You’re, different.’’ He explained, stirring his coffee with a spoon. The smell was delicious, and it was harder to protest the growing need for the coffee. 

’’It’s my own blend, a little chocolatey and not too dark.’’ He said suddenly, reading you like an open book. You could feel yourself blushing again as you carefully reached for the cup. The aroma was heavenly, and so was the taste. In a different situation, you would have loved to spend time with a guy like him. ’’It tastes amazing.’’ You whispered, hesitant to compliment him. He smiled in return before standing up slowly, careful not to frighten you. He pulled out a key from his pocket and freed your other hand. Your eyes were looking for an answer, even if your mouth didn’t ask.

’’You trusted me enough to drink the coffee, I’ll trust you enough to let you go.’’ 

Almost immediately you jumped out of the bed, but the effects of the chloroform were still pretty heavy on you, causing you to almost fall to the floor. You weren’t sure if you were lucky or not, but you were caught by the arms of your capturer. He held you so gently, it really felt like he didn’t want to harm you at all. You stared up at his brown eyes, trying to find a reason why you felt this way. Why were you so okay with being in his arms, this close to him. You could smell his cologne, and you liked it. You knew it was wrong, so why did it feel so right. 

He helped you back to the bed, where you took the coffee cup to your hands again. It was still warm. ’’Why are you being like this?’’ You asked carefully. He sat down next to you, now closer than before, but you didn’t move away.

’’I don’t really know, having you here brings out parts in me that I thought I had lost.’’ He answered quietly, showing a more vulnerable side of him. You turned to look at him and for a moment you could see a totally different person looking back at you. 

’’But I do understand if you want to leave.’’ He continued, turning to look down at his cup.

’’I think I’ll stay, for a while at least.’’

You were totally out of your comfort zone, but you weren’t afraid of it. Maybe all those fights and struggles were preparing you for this moment. This moment you shared with one of the most dangerous man in Gotham. And you were okay with it. He wasn’t dangerous, not to you anymore.

[orange-waterfalls]

What Did You Do?

Platonic Wilford Warfstache x gender neutral!reader

@insertadumbnamehere ty for the request!

A/N: ok, so, this one takes place before, during, and almost immediately after WKM. I figured that "The Warfstache Affair" would take place pretty soon after it, so yeah. Wilford is referred to as William and The Colonel. You two are besties. Rated... T for cursing. Uh,,, I finished this during study hall instead of studying so... Appreciate my work. Inform me on any mistakes please.

Asks and submissions are open!

Word Count: 2.2k

--

You sat in the living room of your house, waiting for your friend to show up. William had a knack for being late to everything, you knew this and have accepted it by now. You were browsing through movies, wondering what you guys should watch. Nothing about Safari's or about a war. You might trigger something. He'd been through too much.

You heard your door unlock and creak open. You'd given him a key at this point in your friendship. You looked up at the Colonel and smiled. He wasn't looking at you.

"Hey, Will," you greeted. He nodded to you, a small smile on his face. It seemed forced.

"Evening," he responded. You tilted your head slightly.

"I uh… was looking for a movie. Anything in mind?"

"No… not particularly…"

"Ok. Well I found some feel-good movies, or we have some horror if you'd--"

"I got a letter," he interrupted. You raised an eyebrow at him. He cleared his throat. "It's… it's from Mark…" you scrambled to your feet, walking over to him. He was holding a letter with "William J. Barnum" written on it. You knew about his… falling out with the actor. It was pretty bad, from what you heard. Over a girl as well. You thought that to be a bit immature, but you didn't need to tell him that.

"What does it say?" You asked.

"I don't know. I haven't looked yet."

"Why not?"

"I wanted to wait until I was over here," you squinted at him in confusion. "In case… I read something I don't like…"

"Well… open it!" You urged. He tore the top open and took out a piece of paper. He read it to himself. You didn't need him to read it out loud to you, as you looked over his boulder to read.

"I've… been invited to Markiplier Manor for… a party…" he explained. You stepped away from his shoulder and stood in front of him.

"Well?" You asked.

"Well what?"

"Are you going?"

"No! Why would I?" He asked. You furrowed your eyebrows.

"Because… he's your friend--"

"Was my friend, Y/N. Was my friend…" he spoke quietly. You rolled your eyes.

"Ah, yes. It must've slipped my mind that you two behaved like 3rd graders…"

"Hey!"

"... And haven't talked to each other in years because of a girl." The Colonel stepped towards you.

"Celine is not just a girl…" he said in a warning tone.

"Yes, yes, I know. She's a woman. And you don't talk to your best friend because of her!"

"He's not my best friend, you are!" Your face heats up a bit. "And anyways, I didn't stop talking to him because of that, I stopped talking to him because he was a selfish prick!"

"And you didn't even try to talk it out? That seems a bit immature, Will…"

"Oh, please. Like you're mature…" you frowned at him.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You aren't exactly the most fair person yourself."

"Oh, really?" You raised your voice. "Care to elaborate, William?"

"Why, yes," he growled. "You're needy, you're selfish, you complain so much when you don't get everything you want--"

"What are you talking about?"

"Sometimes I don't want to hang out with you, Y/N!" He yelled. "Sometimes I just want to hang out in my own home by myself, but you just want me to hang out with you at every chance you get. And I do not want that!"

"Why not?!" You yelled, your voice cracking. You didn't have many friends, William was one of the few you had. Of course you wanted to hang out with him. You didn't have to be doing anything just… being near each other was fine for you. You could admit, you were a bit clingy.

"Sometimes you remind me of him," he sighed. You didn't think it was a compliment.

"What's that supposed to mean?" You asked. At this point, William had already lost his temper, and was now just spitting whatever popped into his mind.

"It means the only difference between you and him is that he has enough money to pay people to stick around! All your friends just feel sorry for you!" He snapped and realized his mistake all too late. You stared at him with a hurt look, feeling the tears glazing your eyes. You had trusted him with one of your insecurities. You had let him in. And now he was using that against you.

"Y/N…" you spun away from him. "Y/N I didn't mean…" he reached out to touch your shoulder, but you jerked away. He pulled back. You were letting the tears spill and quietly crying. Soft enough that he could tell you were trying to hide it, but loud enough that he heard you anyways. He put his arm back at his side.

"I'd like you to leave," you said, your voice wavering. His eyebrows furrowed.

"Y/N-"

"Leave, Will!" You demanded. He sighed.

"I'll… go to the party… we'll talk later, okay?" He said. You didn't respond. He sighed and left your house, leaving you to cry on your own.

--

It had been about a week since you'd seen or heard from the Colonel, and you were ready to talk. You thought he was just giving you space since he knew how upset you were. You texted him, "hi, Will. I wanted to apologize and say that I'm ready to talk whenever you are." And left it at that. You didn't think much about the fact that he didn't respond, until the next day.

Two policemen had shown up at your door.

"Can I help you?" You asked, slightly nervous.

"Do you know a William J. Barnum?" They asked. Your heart stopped.

"Um… yes…"

"We'd like to ask you a couple questions about him." You opened the door for them to come inside. You invited them to sit down on your couch, and made some coffee since it was early.

"So…" you began, nervously. "What's up with Will?"

"He went missing," The cop on the left said.

"Oh…"

"After he presumably killed 5 people." You froze. William? Kill people? No… no, he couldn't… he wouldn't…

"Excuse me?" The cop on the right called your attention. You snapped up to him.

"Huh?"

"When was the last time you saw him?"

"Oh… um… a couple days ago… he told me he was going to Markiplier Manor for a party… we had a fight… I haven't heard from him since then…"

"I'm sorry." The left cop apologized. You nodded at him. "Do you have any idea of where he could be?"

"Uh… no. No, I don't think so…"

"Do you have any idea of what could've cause him to do this?"

"Well… he has some anger issues… and, uh, he doesn't really like Mark… they had a… falling out a while ago… over a girl…"

"A girl?"

"Yes. Celine…"

"Celine? Sister of the mayor Celine?"

"Yes?"

"She's one of the people who've gone missing since the party. Along with Mayor Damien, and a District Attorney." You widened your eyes.

"W-What about the other two?"

"Hm?"

"You said he presumably killed five people? What about the other two?"

"Oh, uh… Mark's Butler told us that Markiplier was dead, but his body had gone missing. And uh, we found the body of a detective in the Manor. He was shot in the chest with a 357 Magnum." You frown. "Any recollection of that?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah… he takes his Magnum everywhere…"

"Mm…"

"But… I never thought he'd…" you felt the tears burning your eyes as they threatened to fall. The left cop sets a gentle hand on your arm.

"I'm sorry about this. I know it's hard, especially if we don't even know for sure. But we need you to work with us," he consoled. They also you a couple more questions before standing up to leave.

"Here's the police station's number. Call if you get anything from him, okay?" The right cop said. You nodded, wipond your eyes with the back of your hand. They thanked you for the coffee and left. You sat on your couch, sighing. William…

"Damnit, William, what'd you get yourself into?" You mumbled and got out your phone.

--

William sat in the empty room, music playing on a boombox in the corner. He was thinking, and the beats of 80s songs were apparently helping with that.

Why were the police after him? He didn't do anything. He didn't kill anybody. He knew he didn't. I mean… the District Attorney was living proof of that. Abe was… fine. Right? Of course he was… if they were alive, why wouldn't he be? He started to laugh a bit. This was so… ridiculous! It was mad! He loved it!

There may have been something wrong with his head. Watching the person you killed come back after seven hours can do that to a person…

But he wasn't crazy. He wasn't. He knew that for a fact.

bzzt

He turned his head to the phone he sat on the boombox and raised his eyebrows.

bzzt

"Now, who could that be?" He said to no one in particular. He leaped to his feet and waltzed over.

bzzt

He looked at the phone, checking to see who it was. The contact name was "N/N". You had changed it to your nickname a while ago, saying that if he had a nickname, you should have one too. He smiled widely as he saw it.

bzzt

He picked up the phone.

"N/N! Hello, how are you? It's been a while, huh?" He said, his voice all over the place.

"William, what did you do?" You asked bluntly.

"Well, I missed you too…"

"William. What did you do?"

"Not much. I had some cake the other day and-"

"William..." You growled. He furrowed his eyebrows, wondering what you were so upset about. Then, he laughed.

"Ah, so the police got to you. I didn't do anything." He claimed.

"Don't lie to me, Will," you warned.

"I'm not! I would never!"

"Then why do the police think you killed five people?!"

"Five people? No!" He paused. "...maybe two or three…"

"What?"

"It's fine, they came back! Well… one of them did…"

"What the hell are you talking about?" He grunted in frustration.

"I shot them in the chest. I sat right there next to the body for several hours. Then they just got back up. Right there in front of me."

"... okay… William-"

"I was thinking of changing my name, actually! What do you think about "Wilford Warfstache"?"

"I think we shouldn't talk for a while." You said quickly. William's smile dropped and he froze.

"What?" He asked softly.

"I think, until things calm down, you should lay low for a while and… we shouldn't talk."

"But… but I like talking-"

"I know, Will. I like talking to you too. But this is serious. You're in trouble for some really bad things. You should try not to make it worse, okay? Keep quiet and don't cause trouble." You commanded. "It'll be safer for the both of us if we don't stay in contact. You know my address, you have a key, I don't plan on moving anytime soon. If you really need to come here you can."

"Y/N…"

"I'm gonna miss you, Will." Your voice cracked as you spoke. William felt tears pricking at his own eyes.

"I'll… miss you too…"

"Goodbye…"

"Wait!"

"What?"

"I'm sorry… about before…"

"I know… I am too…"

"... I love you…" you chuckled from the other end of the line.

"I… love you too…" Then you hung up. William stood there for a moment, not sure what to do. You were his best friend. What was he supposed to do now? Who was he supposed to have a movie night with? Who was he supposed to talk to?

He looked over to his previous spot on the floor, where he's left his gun. What was one way he could let you know he was doing good without contacting you?

He smiled and started giggling.

"Time to cause some chaos!"

--

It had been three weeks since your call with William. The police contacted you occasionally, asking if you heard anything. You always said no. You knew William, and he wouldn't do anything like that on purpose. So, you didn't tell the police anything.

You worried about William. He didn't seem like himself on the call. He seemed… loose. More… careless. That was worrying.

You sighed as you opened your front door, having just bought groceries. You sat the bags in your kitchen and turned on the TV to have some background noise as you cooked. You flipped through the channels until something on the news caught your eye. You went back to it

"--a gruesome series of murders committed by a man who calls himself "Wilford Warfstache". The police think this man may be the fugitive William J. Barnum, who is allegedly killed the actor Mark Fischbach, the mayor of the town, the mayor's sister, a detective on the case, and a district attorney." the newswoman explained. You gaped at the TV. "He is responsible for killing a woman, her husband, their neighbor, their dog, and possibly, their baby. If you see this man, call the number on screen right away." They showed a picture of William with his mustache dyed pink. You buried your face in your hands and swore.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me…"

[fluidityandgiggles]

Sleep Is For The Weak - Chapter 17

Previous Chapters: Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 5, Chapter 10, Chapter 15, Last Chapter

Writing Masterlist - for previous chapters not otherwise linked, Read on AO3

Notes (I guess): Happy school year in two weeks, folks.

Not gonna lie, I actually had a plan for this chapter, and then forgot it. So... yeah, not the most cohesive or best chapter, but I got it out, and it’s nice, and I like it this way because it’s a break from the wave of panic attacks and mild transphobia the last chapter or two.

Yes, I’m back home now, and I’m doing actually much better mentally and physically than I have since September till June. But the chapters are gonna take a while longer to write from now on, because I’m about to join the scary world of job searching for the unstable ADHD brain, not to mention being involved in three regular ttrpg campaigns (where I play a halfling sorcerer, and a half-elf bard, and also DM the third one), so... my brain is busy. But I promise this fic isn’t going on hiatus! I’m still extremely dedicated and excited to be writing this fic. I love it so much. Honest.

As per every chapter, thanks go to @whatwashernameagain for KHS and for generally being a wonderful human, to @broadwaytheanimatedseries for putting up with my fangirl-levels of excitement over everything (and coming up with the original idea), to @winglessnymph, @asleepybisexual and @anony-phangirl - who, while I know they’ve all fallen out of the loop, continue to have long-lasting effects on this fic as a whole - and new to this list, to @ilovemygaydad, who I’ve asked to beta this fic for me and I hope they’d have time for that starting with the next chapter.

Happy start of college and good luck, my darling dear child. I love you.

Tag list (sort of): @bunny222, @ab-artist, @sweet-and-sour-shadowling, @your-username-is-unavailable, @virgilcrofters, @violetblossem, @maybe-i-like-the-misery, @book-of-charlie, @thatsanswitch, @thatrandomautist, @thebiggestgaypirate, @marshmallow-the-panda

(Wanna be tagged? Lemme know!)

Trigger warning: period appropriate transphobia (the early 00s were not exactly trans-friendly). This chapter is light on the transphobia, but includes aphobia, deadnaming, panphobia (yes, pansexuality was a term in the early 00s, as I learned just half an hour ago) and vague mentions of child abuse.

—————

Sunday, July 27th, 2003

Incoming call: 218-357-5555

"Ye—"

"Remy? I didn't forget your number? Oh good!"

"...Emile?"

"Yeah?"

"...what's this phone number, darling?"

"Oh! Yeah, I… my phone died, so I got a new one! Sorry I didn't tell you sooner… but, umm, I'm gonna get to the point, yeah okay, happy birthday!"

"Thank… you…? Em, you shouldn't have—"

"Ah, but see, that's where you're wrong! Because I had to, because I said that I have to! You're my best friend in the whole world, what kind of friend would I be if I didn't at least call you to say happy birthday?"

"You're precious, darling."

"Thank you! Oh, did you get my gift yet? I sent it to you in the mail last month! Did you—"

"I did, it was… well, it was unexpected, I'd give you that. Where did you even find a Jack mug anyway?"

"Disneyland…?"

"...you know what, that's fair."

"Yeah! So, happy birthday! I'll be in Manhattan next week, so like… do you wanna go see a show or something…? I haven't seen the Gypsy revival yet…"

"...it's a date, then. But you're paying."

"Yes, yes of course! It's gonna be alright, okay? You trust me?"

"With my life."

"Yay! Okay, okay, umm… yeah. I miss you! Happy birthday!"

"Thank—"

"I gotta go right now at this second it's my cousin's bat mitzvah in two days and I need to get my suit and everything but I'll call you tomorrow evening too okay?"

"Sure… have fun, darling."

"Thank you! Okay, bye!"

—————

"India M—"

"Why didn't you tell me Emile has a new number? I cannot fucking believe you!"

"He wanted to do it himself, peach. On your birthday."

"Okay… okay, I guess that's fair…"

"Happy birthday, too."

"Thanks, mom…"

"So… how'd you spend the week?"

"Nothing big happened… my dad took me to see Nina West last night. It was the fucking best."

"I'll bet. Did you have fun?"

"So much fun! She's fan-fucking-tastic. Honestly. I'd give anything for her to either do me or spare a bit of her funny to me."

"Wow… gay much?"

"Shut up."

"Don't worry, it's fine. I still need to take Jenna to a drag show sometime. Did anyone hit on you…?"

"You'll be surprised how many people hit on my dad, actually. But no. I actually broke up with Chris today because of this."

"Oh? Do tell."

"It wasn't… much. He called me a couple hours ago to say happy birthday, which is fine if you ask me but I just… it ended in him trying to talk me into not talking to Emile again. And that's normal, okay, ain't something I can't handle. But he said ‘sure he's asexual, when he isn't spreading his legs to everyone he's asexual'."

"...did he seriously think he can get away with it?"

"India, no—"

"I don't give a fuck anymore, peach. I'm not going to beat him up, you have nothing to worry about, I just… this shit is so fucking infuriating!"

"I know. But hey, look at the bright side. Ulysses and Mandy said they'll take over next year, I'm gonna let them know. He won't be back."

"That's… that's true. I'll call Mandy later. Don't worry about it. Just… what then?"

"Then I told him that it wasn't his choice, he didn't choose any of it, so he said ‘just like you couldn't choose to stay a girl, Rebecca'."

"...oh yeah. Yeah, definitely. I'm telling Mandy. She'll deck him for sure next time she sees him."

"Thanks, mom. I just… I so wanted to deck him right then! So I gave him a piece of my mind, broke up with him and hung up and deleted his number. Now we wait and see what's gonna happen."

"Good boy. I taught you well."

"Thanks… again… he also said that asexuality isn't real, and—"

"I'm flying down to Texas right now to sock him. I took karate for three years. I can do this."

"India, no… hon. Babe. You need to get settled in DC. You need to—"

"I'm buying the plane tickets right now, Remy! Watch me!"

"—You need to get your life together and get your master's degree. You do not, however, need to go break the nuts of someone who doesn't deserve your attention—"

"Who's the older and wiser one of us?"

"Right now? Not you. You told me this very thing when I wanted to kill that asshole who made a joke out of Emmy, I'm telling you this now. Don't."

"...fine. But if I ever do get the opportunity, I'm doing it."

"Good for you."

"Nobody plays my kids dirty like that."

"You go, mom."

"I will! Oh shit, I have to go!"

"What? Why—"

"I forgot Jenna's parents are coming over today and I need to go pick them up from the airport. I'll call you later to keep catching up, okay peach?"

"Okay, but—"

"Awesome, happy birthday, we love you! See you in two weeks!"

"...see y—"

—————

"...Remy?"

"Good evening, Linda… where's Leah?"

"...and here I thought you called to talk to me. But I suppose I'm only your mother, nothing—"

"Mom, please, I'll talk to you after I tell Leah something really important."

"Alright, I'm sorry. But you got the package we sent you, didn't you?"

"I did, I… I just don't understand. You painted that…?"

"Who else would sign my name on a canvas, Remy?"

"You're… right. I'm sorry. It's very nice. Thank you."

"Happy birthday, son."

"Thank… you…"

"...hello?"

"Leah…? Leah, sweetie, can you hear me?"

"Remy! Oh, oh oh oh Remy I told you I'd tell you about my camp and—"

"And how was your time at camp? Take a breath and then tell me."

"Okay! Okay, so, so we were in the woods, and in cabins, and I kinda wanted to sleep in tents but it didn't happen and it was kinda disappointing but I can always do that later, and…"

—————

August 2003

There was a blackout as Remy was trying to write an essay Dr. Gilliam asked of his class.

So his dad put him on a bus to Georgia, which is why he's making do right now at doing his schoolwork with two children running around.

"We gotta go bowling too!" Leah whispered excitedly. For the fifteenth time this hour. "And then we need ice cream, and, umm, I know where the puppies are, and—"

"Leah, love, I need to finish this essay for school right now. Give me a couple minutes, about twenty, and I'll be with you, okay?"

"Okay!"

Remy couldn't be happier to be there at that moment. He had a plane ticket booked to Boston, his rooming was already set at Lowell, the papers have all been set and he was about to room with Emile, Mandy called him the other day to ask if he'd like to help her run the queer society meetings (and of course he said yes)...

And then there was a crashing sound. And a crying toddler sound. And he had to put his laptop aside to go check on Rachel.

More like run to the kitchen to check on Rachel, who was now standing in front of broken pieces of cheap china and bawling her eyes out.

"No, sweetie, it's okay…" he picked her up and started playing with her hair, hoping to calm her down. "We're gonna clean this, okay? What were you doing with the plate?"

"Tea party!"

"You wanna have a tea party?" She nodded, hiding her face in the crook of his neck. "Okay… okay. Let's wash your face, then pick up the pieces, and then make some tea and have a tea party with your dollies. Okay, love?"

She nodded again, and he kind of had no choice. So he did what he said he'd do, sitting Rachel down in her high chair as he cleaned the broken pieces, and for a moment, he felt like an absolute idiot. He felt like he was his mom.

Well… like Rachel was his mom, and the plate was him, and he was his dad, and holy fuck Emile's show analysis habits have definitely had an effect on him and he really should stop thinking about all this ridiculousness right now.

"Remy?" Leah whispered from behind him as he was picking up the shards. Rachel was entertaining herself, rather unaware of what's going on. "Is daddy gonna be mad?"

"I—" He had to stop. And think before answering. "I don't think so, honey."

"But a plate broke…"

"...he doesn't have to know. It was just a plate. He doesn't count the plates in the cupboard, now does he?" She shook her head, her hair flying everywhere. "So he won't know. Because we won't tell him."

"Okay. I can do that."

"I know you can do that, hon. Now, how about you get your roller skates and we'll go to the park?"

"But you said tea party…"

"We can have a tea party after the park. Rachel, do you wanna go to the park?"

Rachel, who up until then mostly minded her own business, looked over and started nodding with a big smile on her face.

"So we can go to the park and then have a tea party. Where's your roller skates?"

—————

Saturday, August 30th, 2003

"It's always nice to see new faces at the queer society meetings," Mandy said with a huge smile on her face as she balanced the clipboard on her knee, Remy holding her iced coffee. "I'm glad you all could make it today. Now, let's do a name round. Everyone state your preferred name - please no dick jokes, we have people who are very uncomfortable with those in this group as well - and what brings you here, and a small fact you'd like people to know about yourself if you'd want to."

Remy just kept looking over the room. Mandy had this all under control, already having printed out a list to put everyone's names and contacts in for if they need to. India trained her well.

From the corner of his eye, Remy could see Emile bouncing in his seat.

"I'll go first. Hi, I'm Amanda, I go by Mandy, I'm pansexual—"

"That's not a real word," someone called out. Remy did his best not to glare at the person.

He was pretty sure it's Chris.

"Pansexual is a word, Christian," Mandy replied, not even looking at him. "It was coined before your grandmother was even born. Anyway, I'm Mandy, I'm pansexual, and I'm in this wheelchair today because I have fibromyalgia and today is a very bad pain day. Who wants to go next?"

It was the same old sharing circle. Some people elaborated more, some people chose not to. Emile went ham on sharing, telling everyone he was gay and asexual and talking about his bunnies at length, looking as proud as he can be.

And then it got to Remy. And he wasn't nearly as anxious as he was last year.

"I'm Remy, I'm gay and transgender, and my therapist said I can start hormone therapy this year."

[raviposting]

Okay so after IW I need happy hcs so here we are, Shuri & Peter + Teaching The Squad Technology (More or Less) 

Shuri and Peter found out that Thor, the Guardians, Steve, and Bucky don’t know about memes, and so they sit down and teach them all. 

Thor and Drax don’t really Get It but they laugh at everything which Peter & Shuri realize is Perfect. They set them up with Tumblrs and everyone who follows their blogs think it’s a shitpost blog but really they’re looking at random images with the word “llama” on it and cracking up for no reason. 

As per @buckyrhodey someone inevitably continues to call memes “me-me”s and Shuri just does. The Most Dramatic Eye Roll and groan whenever it happens. 

You know Peter Parker would cry upon meeting Thor, and I would just like to say that promptly after going “mlaskdf hrngh oh my god” and almost passing out, he took out his phone and started snapchatting. 

Tony, in the background: “Um, your secret identity???” 

Peter: “Yeah okey dokey Mr Stark totally understand - HEY SNAPCHAT LOOK WHO I BUMPED INTO COMPLETELY OUT OF THE BLUE IT’S THOR OF ASGARD” 

He and Thor go through all the snapchat filters and Pete changes his wallpaper to him and Thor and there may or may not be a picture in his locker 

Peter Quill unironically loves the duck face which Shuri definitely makes fun of him for but still, she teaches him selfie angles and poses for pics with him and he’s proud and makes like 30 instagram posts within an hour.

Shuri and Pete make Facebooks for everyone??? Thor actually has a FB that Darcy created for him back in the day but never used it, so Shuri actually updates his profile and you can bet your ass there’s a closed Avengers FB group that Thor just posts 500 memes on every day. 

The two also make a group chat and every Avenger is lowkey dying over it. Natasha has tried leaving 357 times. They keep adding her back. Every. Single. Time. Sam will just kick Bucky off whenever he speaks, so Shuri installed a program that stops specifically Sam from doing this. He hates it. 

Peter constantly will try to video chat with people at like 2 AM, which prompts Gamora and Natasha (who adore Peter) to always pick up even if they’re currently fighting someone, and Tony to send, “Excuse me why aren’t you sleeping” in the chat. 

Peter/ the Guardians/Thor/Scott are constantly adding random people to the group chat. M’Baku got in there at some point (weirdly enough, Tony added him), and Thor added Valkyrie and Korg, while MJ forced Pete to put her in. Flash got added for a millisecond bc Peter wanted to prove it was real and Ned is definitely in there sending random videos. 

Shuri DEFINITELY makes a phone specifically for the Hulk. He and Bruce have separate accounts and numbers and the phone is made so that it won’t get smashed it’s great; Hulk just sends a bunch of things like “YOU ALL PRECIOUS” or “WHY NO ONE TALKING.” Pete had (1) video chat with the Hulk before. He almost cried of happiness. 

Peter constantly sends Buzzfeed quizzes, esp of “Which avenger would you be?” He sent one of “Which sidekick would you be” and Sam had a fit because (1) He was on there and (2) Peter got him as a result. 

There’s a post out there that says Peter teaches Thor “yeet” and oh my god he definitely WOULD so Thor 1000% throws his axe at shit while yelling the phrase but also, Peter watches John Mulaney and teaches Strange, Drax, and Mantis “STREET SMARTS”. 

Drax, throwing Mantis halfway across the room: “STREET SMARTS” 

Strange hated being shown the standup video because he threw something at a villain once and mumbled street smarts under his breath before he could stop himself. 

Other people who use this meme unironically: Clint & Scott

We know Steve and Bucky skype so oh my god. Sam helped Steve with Skype and Steve had on little reading glasses like a Dad(TM) squinting at the screen and Bucky tried posing like 50 times in front of Shuri for his Skype profile. She was d y i n g but still sat down and helped him narrow it down to his final 10 until they found the perfect one. 

Steve and Bucky are skyping one day and Shuri comes in and is all “Turn your head to the left. It’s your good side.” Bucky: “I have a bad side?” Sam, offscreen: “YOUR WHOLE FACE IS YOUR BAD SIDE.” 

Shuri and Peter and both vloggers (even though Pete’s are technically more lowkey) but they teach the other Avengers about youtube and vlogging and Bucky in particular is weirdly into it. He loves Youtube (Shuri showed him Cap’s PSAs and he was literally on the floor laughing while Steve wanted to Die in the back). 

T’Challa and Tony like to intentionally fuck with everyone else and use memes/slang the wrong way. T’Challa has looked straight at Shuri and gone “That is so bae,” just to mess with her. Tony tells Thor that “fetch” is a thing and Thor won’t stop using it and Shuri & Pete just cringe every time. 

Shuri and Peter recreate every vine ever. Their favorite is “I WON’T HESITATE, BITCH” and they 100% use a real laser gun for the vine. 

[easyfoodnetwork]

King Arthur Flour’s Baking Hotline Has Never Been Busier — and the Questions Are Getting Personal

Efired/Shutterstock

During quarantine, the bakers who staff the hotline are providing baking — and emotional — support

On March 14, COVID-19 was declared a national emergency in the U.S., hand sanitizer profiteers made headlines, and states had yet to issue stay-at-home orders. It was also Pi Day — that is, the date 3/14, which is often cheekily observed by baking or eating pie. The date stands out to Martina Pochop because she’s a baker and because when she went to work the next day, she noticed a flood of new calls and emails. Popchop works as a baker support specialist at King Arthur Flour’s Norwich, Vermont headquarters, and part of her job is answering calls on the company’s Baker’s Hotline, a number anyone can call for advice on their doughs and batters. “It was literally overnight,” she says. “Everything just started tumbling down an endless path in search of flour.”

King Arthur Flour quietly launched its Baker’s Hotline in 1993. While it may not be as well known as the Butterball Turkey Talk Line, it displays a level of homespun commitment not seen in other culinary help lines. The Baker’s Hotline is staffed by 15 people who answer calls and emails for eight to 12 hours a day, 357 days a year. Most have culinary degrees and worked as professional bakers, chocolatiers, and chefs before coming to King Arthur, where they generally work in education, recipe-developing, or product-testing roles in addition to answering the hotline. They’ve picked up the phone so many times that many can recite their opening line as if in their sleep: baker support specialist Maggie Perry recently answered a call from her child’s pediatrician with, “Hi, this is Maggie at King Arthur.”

The holidays and summer (baking contest season) tend to be busy for the Baker’s Hotline, but those pale in comparison to the pandemic. In April, queries to the King Arthur hotline surpassed the four busiest weeks over the winter holidays, with a total of 10,406 calls and 7,740 emails, requiring six additional bakers working in other departments to step in and answer emails. It hasn’t let up: King Arthur’s staff has experienced unrelenting call volumes for three months, and during this time, the hotline has become a magnet for lonely, anxious human behavior and lots of questions about sourdough.

The baker support specialists have seen a few patterns emerge. Before the pandemic, most calls came from regular bakers on the older side, with some “frequent fliers” who called mostly just to chat. But in March, they started hearing from more beginner bakers who couldn’t easily ask family members for advice about old recipes or about the difference between all-purpose and bread flour — sometimes it was because they’d recently lost someone, other times because they lived far away and couldn’t reach them by phone. Perry also noticed that once schools shut down, parents started calling about homeschool baking projects. “[Baking is] one of those magical things. It’s science, it’s math,” she says. And more people were asking about finicky projects like pâte à choux or macarons, recipes whose long timelines newly appealed to those working from home or looking for weekend time-sucks.

As grocery store shortages went beyond sanitizer and toilet paper, calls about ingredient substitutions flooded the hotline. When grocery stores ran low on bread, people called in to ask for recipe suggestions, solutions to rising issues, and once, if it was possible to bake bread on a grill because it was too hot to turn on the oven. Callers looking for a challenge tried out sourdough, “which, for people who have never baked before, is quite an adventure, to say the least,” Pochop says. There were more calls about cookies, but ones baked with alternative flours, since all-purpose was scarce.

More time and fewer options at the grocery store have indeed made baking more popular than ever, and King Arthur’s sales have gone up as much as 600 percent accordingly (as have hits to its website). But it’s not the only thing driving thousands more callers to the Baker’s Hotline. According to Pochop, who has been with the company since 2017, “in the last couple of months, people have seemed the most lonely.”

Baked goods in particular are so often tied up with nostalgia and relationships; people seem especially anxious about messing up recipes that their loved ones usually made, or just want to talk to someone — anyone — about how much a recipe means to them. A caller may technically be asking about how to halve a recipe, but what they really want to talk about is how they’d usually make a full recipe to share with their grandchildren. “You can’t actually give them everything that they need,” Perry says. “You can just let them know that you’re there and that a lot of other people are calling with the same feelings.”

“We hear from people who just don’t know who else to call.”

King Arthur baker specialist and customer support shift lead Amanda Schlarbaum recently spoke to a woman who broke down crying after asking a yeast-related question. Her parents lived far away and she didn’t know when she’d see them again. “She was like, ‘I can’t even believe I’m crying over bread.’ And I’m like, you know, that’s where we all are right now.” The caller ended up spending $55 to send her parents a homemade loaf.

In retrospect, the Baker’s Hotline was primed to be a source of comfort during quarantine. King Arthur has a reputation for its teaching culture; its resources are notably beginner-friendly and easygoing. “If you have a process you’ve successfully followed before, then hey, stick with it. Or try this one and compare. All good,” PJ Hamel writes in the company’s oft-recommended primer on sourdough starter. On King Arthur’s social media platforms, bakers have always felt comfortable posting panicked photos of explosively large doughs or asking extremely specific questions. And when bakers tag @kingarthurflour in photos of their finished products, the company responds like an enthusiastic friend. “What a lovely bundt, Marilyn!” reads a reply to one user’s tweeted creation. “Pairing ingredients and recipes is like putting two partners together for a dance. Will they fluidly tango? Your stunning Kaiser Rolls clearly answer that question!” the company replied on Facebook when a baker paired King Arthur’s bread flour with a Cook’s Illustrated recipe.

Hotline staffers are armed with all of King Arthur’s online resources and cookbooks, as well as fat binders of their own creation filled with handwritten notes on questions that have been asked before. And they’re game for questions that extend outside the baking realm. In late April, Schlarbaum picked up the phone to a stranger who wanted to know how much extra sauce she should make if she’d bought an extra pound of oxtail. “She was so nonchalant about it,” Schlarbaum says. As Easter in quarantine approached, Pochop received a few questions about ham and potatoes.

Even non-baking questions are usually culinary in nature, so if they can, the staffers try to answer them. After all, imagine you can’t leave your house, see your more cooking-inclined family, or even get through to most customer service lines — but there is one line that promises, seven days a week, to connect you with an actual human who will earnestly try to help you out, no matter how specific your problem. “On a daily basis we hear from people who just don’t know who else to call and they saw our number on the bag of flour that they have in their hand,” says Popchop.

As unprecedented as the volume of calls has been recently, the questions are the same as they’ve always been, just modified by the constraints of a global crisis. People still call about wedding cakes, but they’re making a miniature version because the couple is celebrating without family and friends. Schlarbaum called fellow hotline staffers to discuss a mascarpone filling for her own quarantine birthday cake. People are baking to relieve stress, just as they always have done, only now the stress and the baking have increased tenfold: “You’re looking for something that you can accomplish,” Perry says. “You’re looking for something that feels good and can take care of other people.”

People are maybe a little more emotional if their buttercream isn’t mixing properly, but Schlarbaum jumps into therapist mode, advising deep breaths and walking away for 15 minutes. “I tell them when I make buttercream, I’ve ruined it every single time.” Most calls end with a relieved baker and sometimes a few extra minutes of chatting, just because the caller doesn’t want to hang up yet.

“Right now, people are bored and anxieties are running high,” Schlarbaum says, “and I think people just need someone to be like, ‘No, no, the bread will be fine. Just let it rise another half an hour. It’ll be okay.’”

Erin Berger is a freelance writer and former culture editor at Outside magazine, based in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

from Eater - All https://ift.tt/30LRITh https://ift.tt/2YBPpjg

Efired/Shutterstock

During quarantine, the bakers who staff the hotline are providing baking — and emotional — support

On March 14, COVID-19 was declared a national emergency in the U.S., hand sanitizer profiteers made headlines, and states had yet to issue stay-at-home orders. It was also Pi Day — that is, the date 3/14, which is often cheekily observed by baking or eating pie. The date stands out to Martina Pochop because she’s a baker and because when she went to work the next day, she noticed a flood of new calls and emails. Popchop works as a baker support specialist at King Arthur Flour’s Norwich, Vermont headquarters, and part of her job is answering calls on the company’s Baker’s Hotline, a number anyone can call for advice on their doughs and batters. “It was literally overnight,” she says. “Everything just started tumbling down an endless path in search of flour.”

King Arthur Flour quietly launched its Baker’s Hotline in 1993. While it may not be as well known as the Butterball Turkey Talk Line, it displays a level of homespun commitment not seen in other culinary help lines. The Baker’s Hotline is staffed by 15 people who answer calls and emails for eight to 12 hours a day, 357 days a year. Most have culinary degrees and worked as professional bakers, chocolatiers, and chefs before coming to King Arthur, where they generally work in education, recipe-developing, or product-testing roles in addition to answering the hotline. They’ve picked up the phone so many times that many can recite their opening line as if in their sleep: baker support specialist Maggie Perry recently answered a call from her child’s pediatrician with, “Hi, this is Maggie at King Arthur.”

The holidays and summer (baking contest season) tend to be busy for the Baker’s Hotline, but those pale in comparison to the pandemic. In April, queries to the King Arthur hotline surpassed the four busiest weeks over the winter holidays, with a total of 10,406 calls and 7,740 emails, requiring six additional bakers working in other departments to step in and answer emails. It hasn’t let up: King Arthur’s staff has experienced unrelenting call volumes for three months, and during this time, the hotline has become a magnet for lonely, anxious human behavior and lots of questions about sourdough.

The baker support specialists have seen a few patterns emerge. Before the pandemic, most calls came from regular bakers on the older side, with some “frequent fliers” who called mostly just to chat. But in March, they started hearing from more beginner bakers who couldn’t easily ask family members for advice about old recipes or about the difference between all-purpose and bread flour — sometimes it was because they’d recently lost someone, other times because they lived far away and couldn’t reach them by phone. Perry also noticed that once schools shut down, parents started calling about homeschool baking projects. “[Baking is] one of those magical things. It’s science, it’s math,” she says. And more people were asking about finicky projects like pâte à choux or macarons, recipes whose long timelines newly appealed to those working from home or looking for weekend time-sucks.

As grocery store shortages went beyond sanitizer and toilet paper, calls about ingredient substitutions flooded the hotline. When grocery stores ran low on bread, people called in to ask for recipe suggestions, solutions to rising issues, and once, if it was possible to bake bread on a grill because it was too hot to turn on the oven. Callers looking for a challenge tried out sourdough, “which, for people who have never baked before, is quite an adventure, to say the least,” Pochop says. There were more calls about cookies, but ones baked with alternative flours, since all-purpose was scarce.

More time and fewer options at the grocery store have indeed made baking more popular than ever, and King Arthur’s sales have gone up as much as 600 percent accordingly (as have hits to its website). But it’s not the only thing driving thousands more callers to the Baker’s Hotline. According to Pochop, who has been with the company since 2017, “in the last couple of months, people have seemed the most lonely.”

Baked goods in particular are so often tied up with nostalgia and relationships; people seem especially anxious about messing up recipes that their loved ones usually made, or just want to talk to someone — anyone — about how much a recipe means to them. A caller may technically be asking about how to halve a recipe, but what they really want to talk about is how they’d usually make a full recipe to share with their grandchildren. “You can’t actually give them everything that they need,” Perry says. “You can just let them know that you’re there and that a lot of other people are calling with the same feelings.”

“We hear from people who just don’t know who else to call.”

King Arthur baker specialist and customer support shift lead Amanda Schlarbaum recently spoke to a woman who broke down crying after asking a yeast-related question. Her parents lived far away and she didn’t know when she’d see them again. “She was like, ‘I can’t even believe I’m crying over bread.’ And I’m like, you know, that’s where we all are right now.” The caller ended up spending $55 to send her parents a homemade loaf.

In retrospect, the Baker’s Hotline was primed to be a source of comfort during quarantine. King Arthur has a reputation for its teaching culture; its resources are notably beginner-friendly and easygoing. “If you have a process you’ve successfully followed before, then hey, stick with it. Or try this one and compare. All good,” PJ Hamel writes in the company’s oft-recommended primer on sourdough starter. On King Arthur’s social media platforms, bakers have always felt comfortable posting panicked photos of explosively large doughs or asking extremely specific questions. And when bakers tag @kingarthurflour in photos of their finished products, the company responds like an enthusiastic friend. “What a lovely bundt, Marilyn!” reads a reply to one user’s tweeted creation. “Pairing ingredients and recipes is like putting two partners together for a dance. Will they fluidly tango? Your stunning Kaiser Rolls clearly answer that question!” the company replied on Facebook when a baker paired King Arthur’s bread flour with a Cook’s Illustrated recipe.

Hotline staffers are armed with all of King Arthur’s online resources and cookbooks, as well as fat binders of their own creation filled with handwritten notes on questions that have been asked before. And they’re game for questions that extend outside the baking realm. In late April, Schlarbaum picked up the phone to a stranger who wanted to know how much extra sauce she should make if she’d bought an extra pound of oxtail. “She was so nonchalant about it,” Schlarbaum says. As Easter in quarantine approached, Pochop received a few questions about ham and potatoes.

Even non-baking questions are usually culinary in nature, so if they can, the staffers try to answer them. After all, imagine you can’t leave your house, see your more cooking-inclined family, or even get through to most customer service lines — but there is one line that promises, seven days a week, to connect you with an actual human who will earnestly try to help you out, no matter how specific your problem. “On a daily basis we hear from people who just don’t know who else to call and they saw our number on the bag of flour that they have in their hand,” says Popchop.

As unprecedented as the volume of calls has been recently, the questions are the same as they’ve always been, just modified by the constraints of a global crisis. People still call about wedding cakes, but they’re making a miniature version because the couple is celebrating without family and friends. Schlarbaum called fellow hotline staffers to discuss a mascarpone filling for her own quarantine birthday cake. People are baking to relieve stress, just as they always have done, only now the stress and the baking have increased tenfold: “You’re looking for something that you can accomplish,” Perry says. “You’re looking for something that feels good and can take care of other people.”

People are maybe a little more emotional if their buttercream isn’t mixing properly, but Schlarbaum jumps into therapist mode, advising deep breaths and walking away for 15 minutes. “I tell them when I make buttercream, I’ve ruined it every single time.” Most calls end with a relieved baker and sometimes a few extra minutes of chatting, just because the caller doesn’t want to hang up yet.

“Right now, people are bored and anxieties are running high,” Schlarbaum says, “and I think people just need someone to be like, ‘No, no, the bread will be fine. Just let it rise another half an hour. It’ll be okay.’”

Erin Berger is a freelance writer and former culture editor at Outside magazine, based in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

from Eater - All https://ift.tt/30LRITh via Blogger https://ift.tt/3cYKRsk

[sugirandom]

365 days of writing: day 357 and 358

Days 357 and 358: getting lost in Kyoto

Yesterday was my first day of winter break and after hanging out online for a little bit I headed out to a temple that was about a 15-minute walk away. The temple was located in a wooded area so it was out of the way of the main city so it was quite scenic. That combined with Buddhist monks chanting and the feint smell of incense in the air really gave off an otherworldly feel to the whole experience. I got a little lost leaving the temple area but I remained calm and walked along the path for a while until I finally decided I couldn’t really find my way back on my own. I loaded google maps and started to walk towards the station near my apartment but I stumbled upon a bus stop so I decided to take the bus instead. I ended up heading to the Kyoto city gall area and had lunch at my usual Tonkatsu place and then bought some wrapping paper and bows at the 100 yen store before I headed to the Heian shrine area. I bought my mom a good health charm and listened to the pianist who was playing there for a bit before I headed back. After that point I went back to the are near my school and got a massage for about an hour. Then I got some dinner nearby and headed home. My knees were very sore and when I got home I found out why, I apparently broke the record amount of steps I made the first day I was in Japan this year and I ended up walking 12.3 miles altogether.

 This morning I was still sore and tired so I spent some time here and skyped with mom and dad and then briefly with my best bro though I really wish we had more time to skype but he had to go to dinner and I wanted to get lunch so sadly I didn’t get to talk about everything I wanted to with him. Oh well, when I went out I headed to Kyoto station and got some lunch at a seafood restaurant nearby and then I met with my tutor. I got a little bit down since I still seem to be having trouble with a llot of the grammar in the practice exercises but I got passed it. On my way back I picked up a Christmas cake and a bento for dinner before I headed back. I narrowly avoided rain on the way home but my dinner and Christmas cake were delicious so it was worth it. I also watched episodes 119 and 120 of Dragon Ball Z and boy was seeing Trunks worth the wait. He’s quite bad-ass really and well I still find him pleasing to the eyes as well so...there’s that and the series has really awkward close-ups when introducing characters sometimes and Trunks was no exception, I mean... it’s probably just because I’m a perverted adult at this point but um why in between showing us his legs and his face did the stop near his crotch area? I feel like the Anime is teasing me at this point. Don’t stop there unless you intend to show me exactly why he’s named Trunks...I’m honestly a little high on sugar so you’ll have to forgive me, Ha...I’m happy that Bulma is back to having the personality I know and love but I really don’t like her hairstyle at this point. Though I do think it’s kind of funny that she’s emulating her mom and at the same time she was flirting with Vegeta last episods (because her mom seems awkwardly interested in Bulma’s male friends...or at least she was that way with Goku and Vegeta.)

Anyway, Merry Christmas since it’s Christmas eve here and I’m sure I will write an entry tomorrow but just in case I skip it I’ll say it now. I have to do a little bit of studying before I see my tutor again tomorrow afternoon but I intend to open the presents my parents sent first. I did read their card and it was very sweet so I almost got a little teary but managed to keep a straight face. It’s not like it would have mattered, I’m here alone right now but...ehh I guess it was supportive but not sappy enough to make me cry. Of course it had glitter all over it because my mother is a glitter fiend but at least there was no confetti in it...yes my mom used to put confetti in all her cards so between that and the glitter she would drive me absolutely nuts. Ha ha, I guess that’s all for this entry for now...hope you all have a great one.

[goldfishpainter-blog]

When you are alone and in crisis, the crushing loneliness you feel is overwhelming. Wanting to talk about your thoughts and feelings is natural, but it’s also unfortunately not always an option.

If you are alone and what you need at the moment is to verbalize your experience, I suggest writing down your feelings. I find this is best done when you just write freestyle, with no regard to sentence structure, punctuation, or continuity of thoughts: just let it all pour out however it wants to. It may make you cry, but you will find a little bit of peace when you finish writing, and your thoughts won’t be as tangled. Writing is a good way to calm yourself down, even when the act of writing makes you upset. You’re getting the poison out on paper, where you can see it and realize that these thoughts are not who you are: they are something that is happening to you right now, and you will have different thoughts after these. Thoughts are happenings, and you are not made up of your thoughts. They do not have to rule your world. Thoughts come and go, and are impermanent, even though some of them are repetitive, commonly like “I’d feel better dead.” Or “I’m worthless.”

Hotlines and Warmlines

Warmlines are for less severe situations than feeling suicidal, so you don’t have to worry about taking someone’s time away from suicidal people. This is actually an unproductive and problematic thought: the thought that you don’t deserve help. However, I know this kind of thinking happens often when you feel worthless and undeserving of love or help, so I want to encourage you to make yourself call.

You are the person most likely to save your life, and any time you consider death as your only option, your thinking is not perfectly crystal clear. This is always a good time to call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. You get to talk to a real person who can help you sort out your feelings and situation, and will talk to you as long as you need. If you feel you may commit suicide, call this number: 1-800–273–8255. Or if you would rather text, try this Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741.

You deserve help, and help is available at any time, day or night. Seize any tiny moment of doubt in your plan to die, and call. These people are trained at calming you down. They are often people who have been suicidal themselves and will relate in a very visceral way to your feelings and situation. They will most likely make you feel better enough to call off your plan to die.

I know there are people and situations in which suicide is a good solution, but this is a tiny minority, mostly reserved for people already dying soon in a painful way. You are most likely not one of these people, even though death seems completely appealing in the moment. Some people need suicide, and I’m not going to pretend that it’s never appropriate. But again, this is a tiny minority of situations, and most situations and people do not qualify for the “good idea” group. This means you. If you’re not already dying, your suicide would do more much more harm than you are currently feeling. It sucks to feel guilty about the idea of hurting people with your death, but no matter how you address it, suicide is devastating, and yours may be devastating to many people. Think of your parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, classmates, friends in real life, friends on twitter, friends on Facebook, people you’ve dated in the past, people who grew up with you, your employer, your coworkers, every close confidant you’ve had in your life, and all the adults who formed you.

Photo by Tom Fisk on Pexels.com

When you die, you just switch off. No more anything. It’s not relief, it’s non-being. It’s nothing. And while nothingness is sort of the reward you get for living, a suicide is harder on your friends and loved ones than a natural death because everyone feels they should have done something. Everyone feels guilty, like they failed you. That regret will follow them for years, possibly their lifetime. Many parents of suicide victims even commit suicide themselves because they simply cannot bear the feeling that they failed their child. They naturally, though often unfairly, feel responsible for the preventable death of their own offspring. Even if your parents are failing you currently and you think they would be better off if you were dead, that’s not true. Even parents who are blase, indifferent, or mean to their children would be devastated in a way that you cannot imagine unless you’ve experienced a suicide of someone you loved and felt responsible for.

I have survived two suicide attempts: one by hanging and another by overdosing on lithium. They were sincere attempts, but both were thwarted. My attempt by hanging was in a psychiatric hospital unit, but my neck didn’t break and a nurse found me before I passed out and she cut me down. I remember wailing like a wounded animal. I was furious that they had taken my escape away from me. The second attempt was ruined by my neglect to take into account vomiting. I took twice the amount than the recommended amount for overdose. I passed out, but vomited in my sleep. I woke up while throwing up and took another dose, but my stomach couldn’t take it. I had enough in my system to keep me unconscious for 12 hours, but ultimately, it failed.

I know the feeling of considering death for months at a time. The daily fight with myself where I go from desperately needing to die and feeling overwhelming guilt about the damage I know I will cause. I consider all my options for a successful exit and pretty quickly find one that works. Crying in these months is pretty much constant. My soul is on fire, but I have an ice-cold knife stuck in my chest. When I can’t sleep at night, I use every bit of my willpower to resist going into the kitchen and using our sharpest knife to quickly slit my throat. I know what it feels like to come to believe that love does not exist.

But back to hotlines and warmlines; call. Just call. The suicide prevention hotlines (and there are several) are a safe place for you to express yourself. You will not get taken away by the police because of admitting you are suicidal. You can be completely open, honest, and unreserved. You can talk about your plan. It’s really refreshing. I’ve called a few times, and it felt so good to talk to someone that I knew cared even though they’d never met me. They were wonderful and soothing. They always succeeded in talking me down. I even admitted to having a plan, and no police showed up at my door. That rarely happens; in recent research into the suicide prevention line, when I interviewed a hotline worker, I was told that the police were involved in a tiny percent of callers: please don’t be afraid because you think you will be taken away. That is another problematic thought.

When you are upset but alone, use many coping skills, especially writing, or call someone. Please. You can feel better; it’s always possible to feel better than upset or depressed. If you need to talk, there are people available every day and every night, at any time.

The following are phone numbers for suicide hotlines and crisis warmlines, but you can look up my by going to warmline.org

Suicide Hotlines

Call 1-800-273-TALK

Or 1-800-SUICIDE

This is a list of warmlines for people in crisis; the warmlines listed below are available nationwide. Local numbers can be found on warmline.org

A Kind Voiceis a topic based call-in line staffed by volunteers. If you’re feeling a bit alone and would just like to talk with a kind voice about a book you read, a movie or ball game you saw, the news of the day or a range of other topics, please call us at 800.876.2399. We are open from 9AM to 10PM EST, 7 days a week. Visit http://www.akindvoice.org/.

  Warmline, Inc. Milwaukee WI

(414) 777-4729

Hours: 7 p.m. to 11 p.m. Wednesday thru Monday

http://warmline-milwaukee.webs.com/

The WarmLine – King County

Serving all of Washington State and national.

Local calls: 206-933-7001 National and out of area calls: 1-877-500-9276

Hours are 7 days a week from 5 PM till 10 PM PST

  Washington County Warm Line

(802) 229-8015

Hours: 6pm-11pm Every Day

Takes calls in state and out state

new! Delaware County Warmline (Delco)

tollfree 1-855-464-9342 Hours: Monday-Friday 6pm to midnight; 1pm-11pm weekends View warmline website by Elwyn

  Cincinnati Warmline

open 24 hours

(513) 931-WARM or (513) 931-9276

http://cincywarmline.org/

  The Empowerment Center in New York

877-HELP-800, 877-4357-800

Available 8 AM – 8 PM M-F (EST)

  Keene Area Warmline

866-352-5093

7 pm – 10 pm, 7 days a week

Local crisis number: 603-357-4400

(note: this warmline may be merging with Stepping Stone as of 7/1/09)

Stepping Stone Warmline

603-543-0920 or locally: 888-582-0920

5 pm – 10 pm, 7 days a week

  Western Mass RLC Peer Support Line– Western Mass Recovery Learning Community (WMRLC)

Toll Free: (888) 407-4515

Hours: Friday through Monday, 8pm – midnight

Western Mass Peer Support Line

Edinburg Center Warmline

617 875 0748

New Hours as of November, 2018:

Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday: 5:30 PM – 9:30 PM (closed Wednesday and Sunday)

  The Peer Warm Line– Metro Boston Recovery Learning Community (MBRLC)

Toll Free: (877) 733-7563

Hours: Monday to Sunday, 4pm – 8 pm

http://www.metrobostonrlc.org/warm-line.html

  The Louisiana Warm Line

The Louisiana Warmline is a noncrisis phone line staffed by trained and certified Peer Support Specialists providing confidential and non-judgmental peer support. The Warmline is open to all adults living in Louisiana who are interested in this service.

Toll Free: 1-800-730-8375 Hours: Wed-Sun from 5 p.m.-10 p.m.

    Warm Line – Participation Station

(859) 252-0058 Lexington area

(877) 840-5167 Bluegrass area

Hours: Monday – Thursday 11:30am-9:00pm; Friday – Saturday 5:00pm-9:00pm.

Participation Station

  Warmline – KEYS Consumer Organization

800-933-5397

Hours: 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday-Friday; talk to each individual for fifteen minutes each day.

  Project Return Peer Support Network  prpsn.org Now accepting calls nationwide Warmline hours 7 days a week 5pm-10pm PST (888) 448-9777 English (888) 448-4055 Spanish

In Crisis; What To Do When You Have No One To Talk To When you are alone and in crisis, the crushing loneliness you feel is overwhelming. Wanting to talk about your thoughts and feelings is natural, but it's also unfortunately not always an option.

[nemsabia-blog1]

1000 Palavras Mais Usadas em Inglês

http://tinyurl.com/kb44wkk A tabela completa está disposta da seguinte forma: # é a posição da palavra na ordem da mais usada (1) até a menos usada (1000), palavra, pronúncia (com áudio) e tradução. Confira:

# Palavra Pronúncia Tradução 1 the dhâ o, a, os, as 2 of âv de 3 to tuu para 4 and énd e 5 a â um, uma 6 in ên em, dentro 7 is ês é 8 it êt este 9 you yuu você 10 that dhét que, aquele 11 he rrii ele 12 was uós era, estava 13 for fór por, para 14 on ón em 15 are ar são, estão 16 with uêdh com 17 as és como, enquanto 18 I ai eu 19 his rrês seu 20 they dhei eles 21 be bii ser, estar 22 at ét em 23 one uân um 24 have rrév ter 25 this dhês este 26 from frâm de 27 or ór ou 28 had rréd tinha 29 by bai por, em 30 hot rrat quente 31 word uâd palavra 32 but bât mas 33 what uót o-que 34 some sâm algum 35 we uii nós 36 can kén pode, lata 37 out aut fora 38 other âdhâr outro 39 were uâr eram, esavam 40 all ól todo 41 there thér lá 42 when uen quando 43 up âp para-cima 44 use iuz usar 45 your yór seu 46 how rráu como, quão 47 said séd disse 48 an én um, uma 49 each iich cada 50 she shii ela 51 which uêtch qual 52 do duu fazer, mesmo 53 their thér seus 54 time taim tempo, hora 55 if êf se 56 will uêl vai, vontade 57 way uei caminho, jeito 58 about âbaut sobre, quase 59 many méni muitos 60 then dhên então 61 them dhêm deles 62 write rait escrever 63 would uôd deveria 64 like laik como, gostar 65 so sôu assim, tão 66 these dhiiz estes 67 her rrâr dela 68 long lóng longo 69 make meik fazer 70 thing thêng coisa 71 see sii ver 72 him rrêm dele 73 two tuu dois, duas 74 has rrés tem 75 look lôk olhar 76 more mór mais 77 day dei dia 78 could côd poderia 79 go gôu ir 80 come câm vir 81 did dêd fez, mesmo 82 number nâmbâr número 83 sound saund som 84 no nou não 85 most moust mais, maior 86 people piipâl pessoas, povo 87 my mai meu 88 over ouvâr sobre, acima-de 89 know nou saber 90 water uóttâr água 91 than dhén que 92 call cól chamar 93 first fârst primeiro 94 who rruu que 95 may mei maio, pode 96 down daun baixo 97 side said lado 98 been bên sido, estado 99 now nau agora 100 find faind encontrar 101 any éni qualquer 102 new nuu novo 103 work uârk trabalho 104 part part parte 105 take teik pegar 106 get ghét ficar 107 place pleis lugar 108 made meid feito 109 live lêv, laiv viver, vivo 110 where uér onde 111 after éftâr após 112 back bék atrás, costas 113 little lêttâl pequeno, pouco 114 only ounli somente 115 round raund redondo, rodada 116 man mén homem 117 year yiir ano 118 came keim chegado 119 show shou mostrar 120 every evri cada 121 good gôd bom 122 me mii me, eu 123 give ghêv dar 124 our ar nosso 125 under ândâr sob 126 name neim nome 127 very véri muito, absoluto 128 through thruu através-de 129 just jâst justo, só 130 form fórm forma, formulário 131 sentence sêntâns sentença 132 great greit ótimo, excelente, grande 133 think thênk pensar 134 say sei dizer 135 help rrêlp ajudar 136 low lou baixo 137 line lain linha, fila 138 differ dêfâr diferir 139 turn târn tornar, vez 140 cause cóz causa 141 much mâtch muito 142 mean miin meio, significar 143 before bêfór antes 144 move muuv movimento 145 right rait direito 146 boy bói garoto 147 old ould velho 148 too tuu também 149 same seim mesmo 150 tell têl contar 151 does dâz faz, mesmo 152 set sêt conjunto, fixar 153 three thrii três 154 want uânt querer 155 air ér ar 156 well uel bem, poço 157 also ólsou também 158 play plei peça, tocar 159 small smól pequeno 160 end ênd fim, finalizar 161 put pôt por 162 home rroum casa 163 read riid ler, lido 164 hand rrénd mão 165 port pórt porto 166 large larj grande 167 spell spêl soletrar, encanto 168 add éd adicionar 169 even iivân mesmo 170 land lénd terra 171 here rriir aqui 172 must mâst dever 173 big bêg grande 174 high rrai alto 175 such sâtch tal 176 follow falou seguir 177 act ékt ato, agir 178 why uai por-que 179 ask ésk pedir, perguntar 180 men mên homens 181 change tcheinj mudar 182 went uent foi 183 light lait leve, luz 184 kind kaind bom, tipo 185 off óf por, desligado 186 need niid precisar 187 house rraus casa 188 picture pêktchâr foto, filme 189 try trai tentar 190 us âs nos 191 again âghein de-novo 192 animal énâmâl animal 193 point point ponto 194 mother mâdhâr mãe 195 world uârld mundo 196 near niir perto 197 build bêld construir 198 self self próprio, ego 199 earth ârth terra 200 father fódhâr pai 201 head rred cabeça 202 stand sténd permanecer, de-pé, banca 203 own oun próprio 204 page peij página 205 should shôd deveria 206 country cântri país 207 found faund encontrado, fundar 208 answer énsâr resposta 209 school skool escola 210 grow grou crescer 211 study stâdi estudo 212 still stêl até, calmo 213 learn lârn aprender 214 plant plént planta, fábrica 215 cover câvâr cobrir 216 food fuud comida 217 sun sân sol 218 four fór quatro 219 between bituiin entre 220 state steit estado 221 keep kiip guardar 222 eye ai olho 223 never nevâr nunca 224 last lést último, durar 225 let let deixar 226 thought thót pensamento, pensado 227 city cêtti cidade 228 tree trii árvore 229 cross crós cruz, cruzar 230 farm farm fazenda 231 hard rrard duro 232 start start começar 233 might mait poder, poderia 234 story stóri estória, andar(prédio) 235 saw só viu, serra 236 far far longe 237 sea sii mar 238 draw dró arrastar, empate 239 left left esquerda, deixado 240 late leit tarde 241 run rân correr 242 don't dount não 243 while uail enquanto 244 press pres pressão, imprensa 245 close clous fechar 246 night nait noite 247 real riil real 248 life laif vida 249 few fiu alguns 250 north nórth norte 251 open oupân aberto 252 seem siim parecer 253 together tâghedhâr juntos 254 next next próximo 255 white uait branco 256 children tchêldrân crianças 257 begin bêghên começar 258 got gat ficado 259 walk uók andar 260 example igzémpâl exemplo 261 ease iiz facilitar 262 paper peipâr papel 263 group grup grupo 264 always óluêz sempre 265 music miuzêk música 266 those dhouz aqueles 267 both bouth ambos 268 mark mark marcar 269 often ófân muitas-vezes 270 letter lettâr letra, carta 271 until ântêl até 272 mile mail milha 273 river rêvâr rio 274 car car carro 275 feet fiit pés 276 care kér cuidado 277 second secând segundo 278 book bôk livro 279 carry kéri carregar 280 took tôk pego 281 science sains ciência 282 eat iit comer 283 room ruum cômodo, quarto 284 friend frend amigo 285 sight sait visão 286 began bêgén começado 287 idea aidiia idéia 288 fish fêsh peixe, pescar 289 mountain mauntân montanha 290 stop stap parar 291 once uâns uma-vez 292 base beis base 293 hear rriir ouvir 294 horse rrórs cavalo 295 cut cât cortar 296 sure shôr certo 297 watch uótch assistir, relógio 298 color câlâr cor, colorir 299 face feis rosto 300 wood uôd madeira 301 main mein principal 302 enough inâf bastante 303 plain plein plano, simples 304 girl gârl garota 305 usual iuzhuâl usual, comum 306 young yâng jovem 307 ready riidi pronto 308 above âbâv acima 309 ever evâr sempre, já 310 red red vermelho 311 list lêst lista 312 though thou apesar-de 313 feel fiiól sentir, sentimendo 314 talk tók conversar 315 bird bârd pássaro 316 soon suun logo 317 body baddi corpo 318 dog dóg cachorro 319 family fémâli família 320 direct dârekt direto 321 pose pouz posição 322 leave liiv deixar 323 song sóng canção 324 measure mejâr medida 325 door dór porta 326 product pradâkt produto 327 black blék negro 328 short shórt curto 329 numeral nuumârâl numeral 330 class clés classe 331 wind uênd vento 332 question quéschân questão, pergunta 333 happen rrépân acontecer 334 complete câmpliit completo 335 ship shêp navio, embarcar 336 area ériiâ área 337 half rréf metade 338 rock rak roque, rocha 339 order órdâr ordem, pedido 340 fire fair fogo, incêndio, despedir 341 south sauth sul 342 problem prablâm problema 343 piece piis peça, pedaço 344 told tould contado 345 knew nuu sabido 346 pass pés passar 347 since sêns desde 348 top tap topo, principal 349 whole rroul inteiro 350 king kêng rei 351 space speis espaço 352 heard rrârd ouvido 353 best best melhor 354 hour aur hora 355 better bettâr melhor 356 true truu verdadeiro 357 during duurêng durante 358 hundred rrândrâd cem 359 five faiv cinco 360 remember rimembâr lembrar 361 step step passo 362 early ârli cedo 363 hold rrould guardar 364 west uest oeste 365 ground graund terra, amolado 366 interest êntrâst interesse, juros 367 reach riitch alcançar 368 fast fést rápido 369 verb vârb verbo 370 sing sêng cantar 371 listen lêssân ouvir 372 six sêks seis 373 table teibâl mesa, tabela 374 travel trévâl viajar 375 less les menos 376 morning mórnên manhã 377 ten ten dez 378 simple sêmpâl simples 379 several sevrâl vários 380 vowel vaul vogal 381 toward tuuard para 382 war uar guerra 383 lay lei deitar, amador 384 against âghenst contra 385 pattern péttârn padrão 386 slow slou devagar 387 center centâr centro 388 love lâv amor, amar 389 person pârsân pessoa 390 money mâni dinheiro 391 serve sârv servir 392 appear âpiir aparecer 393 road roud estrada 394 map mép mapa 395 rain rein chuva 396 rule ruul régua, regra 397 govern gâvârn governar 398 pull pôl puxar 399 cold could frio 400 notice nottâs aviso 401 voice vois voz 402 unit iunât unidade 403 power pauâr poder, força 404 town taun municipal 405 fine fain bom, excelente 406 certain sârtân certo 407 fly flai voar, mosca 408 fall fól cair, queda, outono 409 lead liid levar, chumbo 410 cry crai choro, chorar 411 dark dark escuro 412 machine mâshiin máquina 413 note nout anotar 414 wait ueit esperar 415 plan plén plano 416 figure fêghiâr figura, imaginar 417 star star estrela 418 box baks caixa 419 noun naun substantivo 420 field fiild campo 421 rest rest resto, descanso 422 correct cârekt correto 423 able eibâl capaz 424 pound paund libra 425 done dân feito 426 beauty biutti beleza 427 drive draiv direção, dirigir 428 stood stud permanecido 429 contain cântein conter 430 front frânt frente 431 teach tiitch ensinar 432 week uiik semana 433 final fainâl final 434 gave gheiv dado 435 green griin verde 436 oh ou ó 437 quick quêk rápido 438 develop dêvelâp desenvolver 439 ocean oushân oceano 440 warm uórm quente 441 free frii livre, grátis 442 minute mênât minuto 443 strong stróng forte 444 special speshâl especial 445 mind maind mente, importar-se 446 behind bêrraind atrás 447 clear cliir claro 448 tail teil rabo 449 produce prâdus produção 450 fact fékt fato 451 street striit rua 452 inch êntch polegada 453 multiply mâltâplai multiplicar 454 nothing nâthêng nada 455 course córs curso 456 stay stei ficar 457 wheel uiil roda 458 full fôl cheio 459 force fórs força, forçar 460 blue bluu azul 461 object âbjêkt objeto 462 decide dêsaid decidir 463 surface sârfâs superficie 464 deep diip profundo 465 moon muun lua 466 island ailând ilha 467 foot fuut pé 468 system sêstâm sistema 469 busy bêzi ocupado 470 test test teste 471 record recârd recorde, gravar, registro 472 boat bout barco 473 common camân comum 474 gold gould ouro 475 possible pasâbâl possível 476 plane plein avião 477 stead sted local 478 dry drai seco 479 wonder uândâr admirar 480 laugh léf rir 481 thousand thauzând mil 482 ago âgou atrás 483 ran rén corrido 484 check tchek cheque, checagem 485 game gheim jogo 486 shape sheip forma 487 equate iiqueit equacionar 488 miss mês sentir, senhorita 489 brought brót trazido 490 heat rriit calor 491 snow snou neve 492 tire tair pneu, cansar 493 bring brêng trazer 494 yes yes sim 495 distant dêstânt distante 496 fill fêl encher 497 east iist leste 498 paint peint pintar 499 language lénguêj língua 500 among âmâng entre 501 grand grénd grandioso 502 ball ból bola 503 yet yet ainda, já 504 wave ueiv onda 505 drop drap gota 506 heart rrórt coração 507 am ém sou, estou 508 present prezânt presente 509 heavy rrevi pesado 510 dance déns dança 511 engine enjân motor 512 position pâzêshãn posição 513 arm arm braço 514 wide uaid amplo 515 sail seil vela(navio) 516 material mâtiiriâl material 517 size saiz tamanho 518 vary véri variar 519 settle settâl estabelecer 520 speak spiik falar 521 weight ueit peso 522 general jenral general, geral 523 ice ais gelo 524 matter méttâr matéria, importar-se 525 circle sârkâl círculo 526 pair pér par 527 include ênclud incluir 528 divide dêvaid dividir 529 syllable sêlâbâl sílaba 530 felt feólt sentido 531 perhaps pârhépps talvez 532 pick pêk escolher, apanhar 533 sudden sâdân imprevisto 534 count caunt contar, contagem, conde 535 square squér quadrado, praça 536 reason riizân razão 537 length lenth comprimento 538 represent reprêzent representar 539 art art arte 540 subject sâbjêkt sujeito, assunto 541 region riijân região 542 energy enârji energia 543 hunt rrânt caçar 544 probable prabâbâl provável 545 bed bed cama 546 brother brâdhâr irmão 547 egg eg ovo 548 ride raid passeio 549 cell ceól cela, célula 550 believe bêliiv acreditar 551 fraction frécshân fração 552 forest fórâst floresta 553 sit sêt sentar 554 race reis raça, corrida 555 window uêndou janela 556 store stór armazém 557 summer sâmâr verão 558 train trêin trem, treinar 559 sleep sliip dormir 560 prove pruuv provar 561 lone loun só 562 leg leg perna 563 exercise eksârsaiz exercício 564 wall uól parede 565 catch kétch pegar 566 mount maunt monte, montar 567 wish uêsh desejo 568 sky skai céu 569 board bórd quadro 570 joy jói alegria 571 winter uênttâr inverno 572 sat sét sentado 573 written rêtân escrito 574 wild uaild selvagem 575 instrument ênstrâmânt instrumento 576 kept kept guardado 577 glass glés vidro 578 grass grés grama 579 cow cau vaca 580 job jáb trabalho, jó 581 edge ej canto 582 sign sain sinal 583 visit vêzât visita 584 past pést passado 585 soft saft macio 586 fun fân alegria 587 bright brait claro 588 gas ghés gás, gasolina 589 weather uedhâr tempo 590 month mânt mês 591 million mêliân milhão 592 bear bér urso, carregar 593 finish fênish fim, finalizar 594 happy rrépi feliz 595 hope rroup esperança 596 flower flauâr flor 597 clothe cloudh vestir 598 strange streindj estranho 599 gone gón ido 600 jump jâmp pular 601 baby beibi bebê 602 eight eit oito 603 village vêlâj vila 604 meet miit encontrar 605 root ruut raiz 606 buy bai comprar 607 raise reiz levantar 608 solve soulv resolver 609 metal mettâl metal 610 whether uedhâr se 611 push pôsh empurrar, iniciativa 612 seven sevân sete 613 paragraph pérâgréf parágrafo 614 third thârd terceiro 615 shall shél vai 616 held rreld guardado 617 hair rrér cabelo 618 describe dêcraib descrever 619 cook côk cozinhar 620 floor flór chão, derrotar 621 either aidhâr um, ou outro, também 622 result rêzâlt resultado 623 burn bârn queimar 624 hill rrêl colina 625 safe seif seguro, cofre 626 cat két gato 627 century centri século 628 consider cânsêdâr considerar 629 type taip tipo, datilografar 630 law ló lei 631 bit bêt pouco, broca 632 coast coust costa, litoral 633 copy capi copiar 634 phrase freiz frase 635 silent sailânt silencio 636 tall tól alto(pessoa) 637 sand sénd areia 638 soil sóil solo 639 roll rôl giro, lista 640 temperature temprâchâr temperatura 641 finger fêngâr dedo 642 industry êndâstri indústria 643 value véliu valor 644 fight fait luta 645 lie lai deitar, mentir 646 beat biit bater 647 excite iksait instigar 648 natural nétchârâl natural 649 view viu vista 650 sense sens sentido 651 ear iir orelha, espiga 652 else els outro 653 quite quait muito 654 broke brouk quebrado 655 case keis caso, embalagem 656 middle mêdâl meio 657 kill kêl matar 658 son sân filho 659 lake leik lago 660 moment moumânt momento 661 scale skeil escada, escala, escama 662 loud laud alto(som) 663 spring sprêng primavera, mola 664 observe âbzârv observar 665 child tchaild criança 666 straight streit reto 667 consonant cansânânt consoante 668 nation neishân nação 669 dictionary dêkshânâri dicionário 670 milk mêlk leite 671 speed spiid velocidade 672 method méthâd método 673 organ órgân órgão 674 pay pei pagar 675 age eij idade 676 section sekshân seção 677 dress dres vestido 678 cloud claud nuvem 679 surprise sârpraiz surpresa 680 quiet quait quieto 681 stone stoun pedra 682 tiny taini minúsculo 683 climb claim escalar 684 cool cuul frio 685 design dêzain desenho 686 poor pôr pobre 687 lot lót muito, lote 688 experiment eksperâmânt experimento 689 bottom battâm baixo 690 key kii chave 691 iron airn ferro 692 single sêngâl só, solteiro 693 stick stêk vareta, fincar 694 flat flét achatado, plano 695 twenty tuenti vinte 696 skin skên pele 697 smile smail sorriso 698 crease criis ruga 699 hole rroul buraco 700 trade treid comércio 701 melody melâdi melodia 702 trip trêp viajar, passeio 703 office afâs escritório, função 704 receive riciiv receber 705 row rou remar, fila 706 mouth mauth boca 707 exact igzéct exato 708 symbol sêmbâl símbol 709 die dai morrer 710 least liist menos 711 trouble trâbâl preocupação 712 shout shaut gritar 713 except êkscept exceto 714 wrote rout escrito 715 seed siid semente 716 tone toun tom 717 join join juntar 718 suggest sâgjest sugerir 719 clean cliin limpo 720 break breik quebrar 721 lady leidi dama 722 yard yard jarda, quintal 723 rise raiz levantar 724 bad béd mal 725 blow blou assoprar 726 oil oil óleo, petróleo 727 blood blâd sangue 728 touch tâtch tocar 729 grew gruu crescido 730 cent cent centavo 731 mix mêks mistura 732 team tiim grupo 733 wire uair arame 734 cost cóst custo 735 lost lóst perdido 736 brown braun marrom 737 wear uér usar 738 garden gardân jardim 739 equal iiquâl igual 740 sent sent enviado 741 choose tchuuz escolher 742 fell fel caido 743 fit fêt ajustado 744 flow flou correr, corrente 745 fair fér feira, claro 746 bank bénk banco 747 collect câlect recolher, pagar 748 save seiv salvar 749 control cântroul controle 750 decimal dêsêmâl decimal 751 gentle jentâl gentil 752 woman uômân mulher 753 captain képtân capitão 754 practice précttâs prática 755 separate sepârât separado 756 difficult dêfêcâlt difícil 757 doctor dactâr doutor 758 please pliiz por-favor, agradar 759 protect prâtect proteger 760 noon nuun meio-dia 761 whose rruuz cujo 762 locate loukeit localizar 763 ring rêng anel, tocar 764 character kérêktâr caráter, personagem 765 insect ênsect inseto 766 caught cót pego 767 period pêriiâd período 768 indicate êndêkeit indicar 769 radio reidiiou rádio 770 spoke spouk falado, raio 771 atom étâm átomo 772 human rriumân humano 773 history rrêstâri história 774 effect êfect efeito 775 electric êlektrêk elétrico 776 expect ikspekt esperar 777 crop crap colheita 778 modern madârn moderno 779 element elêmânt elemento 780 hit rrêt acertar 781 student stuudânt estudante 782 corner córnâr esquina 783 party party partido, festa 784 supply sâplai suprir 785 bone boun osso 786 rail reil grade, trilho 787 imagine êmédjân imaginar 788 provide prâvaid fornecer 789 agree âgrii concordar 790 thus dhâs assim 791 capital képêtâl capital 792 won't uount não-vai 793 chair tchér cadeira 794 danger deindjâr perigo 795 fruit fruut fruta 796 rich rêtch rico 797 thick thêk grosso 798 soldier souldjãr soldado 799 process prouces processo 800 operate apâreit operar 801 guess ghes adivinhar 802 necessary nesâséri necessário 803 sharp sharp agudo, sustenido 804 wing uêng asa 805 create crieit criar 806 neighbor neibâr vizinho 807 wash uósh lavar 808 bat bét morcego, bastão 809 rather raadhâr de-preferência 810 crowd craud multidão 811 corn córn milho 812 compare câmpér comparar 813 poem pouêm poema 814 string strêng corda 815 bell beól sino 816 depend dêpend depender 817 meat miit carne 818 rub râb esfregar 819 tube tuub tubo, tv 820 famous feimâs famoso 821 stream striim corrente 822 fear fiir medo, temer 823 thin thên fino, magro 824 triangle traiéngâl triângulo 825 planet plénât planeta 826 hurry rrâri pressa 827 chief chiif chefe 828 clock clak relógio 829 mine main meu, mina 830 tie tai amarrar 831 enter enttâr entrar 832 major meidjâr maior, major 833 fresh fresh fresco 834 search sârtch buscar 835 send send enviar 836 yellow yelou amarelo 837 gun gân arma 838 rose rouz rosa, levantado 839 allow âlau permitir 840 print prênt imprimir 841 dead ded morto 842 spot spat ponto 843 desert dêzârt deserto 844 suit suut terno 845 current cârânt atual 846 lift lêft levantar 847 continue cântêniu continuar 848 block blak bloco 849 chart tchart gráfico 850 hat rrét chapéu 851 sell sel vender 852 success sâkses sucesso 853 company câmpâni companhia, empresa 854 subtract sâbtréct subtrair 855 event ivent evento 856 particular partêkiâlar especial 857 deal diil negócio 858 term târm termo, período 859 opposite apâzât oposto 860 wife uaif esposa 861 shoe shuu sapato 862 shoulder shouldâr ombro 863 spread spred espalhar 864 arrange âreindj arranjar 865 camp kémp campo 866 invent ênvent inventar 867 cotton catân algodão 868 born bórn nascido 869 determine dêtârmân determinar 870 quart quórt quarto(medida) 871 nine nain nove 872 truck trâk caminhão 873 noise nóiz barulho 874 level levâl nível 875 chance tchéns chance, acaso 876 gather ghédhâr juntar 877 shop shap loja 878 stretch stretch alcance 879 throw throu arremessar 880 shine shain brilhar 881 property prapâtti propriedade 882 column calâm coluna 883 molecule malêkiul molécula 884 select sêlect selecionar 885 wrong róng errado 886 gray grei cinza 887 repeat rêpiit repetir 888 require rêquair exigir 889 broad bród amplo 890 prepare prêpér preparar 891 salt sólt sal 892 nose nouz nariz 893 plural plôrâl plural 894 anger éngâr raiva 895 claim cleim clamar 896 continent cantânânt continente 897 oxygen aksêdjân oxigênio 898 sugar shuugâr açúcar 899 death deth morte 900 pretty prêti belo, muito 901 skill skêl habilidade 902 women uêmân mulheres 903 season seezân estação 904 solution sâlushân solução 905 magnet mégnât imã 906 silver sêlvãr prata 907 thank thénk agradecer 908 branch brénch galho 909 match métch competição, fósforo 910 suffix sâfêks sufixo 911 especially êspeshâli especialmente 912 fig fêg figo 913 afraid âfreid com-medo 914 huge rriudj grande, enorme 915 sister sêstâr irmã 916 steel stiil aço 917 discuss dêscâs discutir 918 dollar dalâr dólar 919 forward fóruârd adiante, passar adiante 920 similar sêmâlãr semelhante 921 guide gaid guia, guiar 922 experience êkspiiriâns experiência 923 score scór placar, duas-dezenas 924 apple épâl maçã 925 bought bót comprado 926 led led levado 927 colony calâni colonia 928 pitch pêtch piche, arremeço 929 coat cout casaco 930 mass més massa, missa 931 card card cartão 932 band bénd banda 933 rope roup corda 934 slip slêp escorregar 935 win uên ganhar 936 dream driim sonho 937 evening iivnêng noite 938 condition cândêshân condição 939 feed fiid alimentar 940 tool tuul ferramenta 941 total toutãl total 942 basic beisêk básico 943 smell smel cheiro 944 valley véli vale 945 nor nór nem 946 double dâbâl dobro 947 seat siit assento 948 arrive âraiv chegar 949 master méstâr mestre 950 track trék trilha 951 parent pérânt pais 952 shore shór praia 953 division dêvêzhân divisão 954 sheet shiit folha, lençol 955 substance sâbstâns substância 956 favor feivâr favor, favorecer 957 connect cânect conectar 958 post poast pós, posto 959 spend spend gastar 960 swim suêm nadar 961 chord córd acorde 962 fat fét gordo 963 glad gléd contente 964 original ârêdjânâl original 965 share shér parte 966 station steishân estação 967 dad déd papai 968 bread bréd pão 969 charge chardj carga, cobrança 970 proper prapâr próprio 971 bar bar bar, barra 972 offer afêr oferecer 973 segment segmânt segmento 974 slave sleiv escravo 975 duck dâk pato, mergulhar 976 instant ênstânt instante 977 market markât mercado 978 degree dêgrii grau 979 populate papiâleit povoar 980 chick tchêk pintinho 981 dear diir querido 982 enemy enâmi inimigo 983 reply rêplai resposta 984 drink drênk bebida 985 occur âcâr ocorrer 986 support sâpórt apoiar 987 speech spiitch discurso 988 nature neitchâr natureza 989 range reindj alcance, pastagem 990 steam stiim vapor 991 motion moushân movimento 992 path péth caminho 993 liquid lêquâd líquido 994 log lóg lenha, diário 995 meant ment significado 996 quotient quoshânt quociente 997 teeth tiith dentes 998 shell shel concha 999 neck nek pescoço 1000 dessert dêssârt sobremesa

[easyfoodnetwork]

Efired/Shutterstock During quarantine, the bakers who staff the hotline are providing baking — and emotional — support On March 14, COVID-19 was declared a national emergency in the U.S., hand sanitizer profiteers made headlines, and states had yet to issue stay-at-home orders. It was also Pi Day — that is, the date 3/14, which is often cheekily observed by baking or eating pie. The date stands out to Martina Pochop because she’s a baker and because when she went to work the next day, she noticed a flood of new calls and emails. Popchop works as a baker support specialist at King Arthur Flour’s Norwich, Vermont headquarters, and part of her job is answering calls on the company’s Baker’s Hotline, a number anyone can call for advice on their doughs and batters. “It was literally overnight,” she says. “Everything just started tumbling down an endless path in search of flour.” King Arthur Flour quietly launched its Baker’s Hotline in 1993. While it may not be as well known as the Butterball Turkey Talk Line, it displays a level of homespun commitment not seen in other culinary help lines. The Baker’s Hotline is staffed by 15 people who answer calls and emails for eight to 12 hours a day, 357 days a year. Most have culinary degrees and worked as professional bakers, chocolatiers, and chefs before coming to King Arthur, where they generally work in education, recipe-developing, or product-testing roles in addition to answering the hotline. They’ve picked up the phone so many times that many can recite their opening line as if in their sleep: baker support specialist Maggie Perry recently answered a call from her child’s pediatrician with, “Hi, this is Maggie at King Arthur.” The holidays and summer (baking contest season) tend to be busy for the Baker’s Hotline, but those pale in comparison to the pandemic. In April, queries to the King Arthur hotline surpassed the four busiest weeks over the winter holidays, with a total of 10,406 calls and 7,740 emails, requiring six additional bakers working in other departments to step in and answer emails. It hasn’t let up: King Arthur’s staff has experienced unrelenting call volumes for three months, and during this time, the hotline has become a magnet for lonely, anxious human behavior and lots of questions about sourdough. The baker support specialists have seen a few patterns emerge. Before the pandemic, most calls came from regular bakers on the older side, with some “frequent fliers” who called mostly just to chat. But in March, they started hearing from more beginner bakers who couldn’t easily ask family members for advice about old recipes or about the difference between all-purpose and bread flour — sometimes it was because they’d recently lost someone, other times because they lived far away and couldn’t reach them by phone. Perry also noticed that once schools shut down, parents started calling about homeschool baking projects. “[Baking is] one of those magical things. It’s science, it’s math,” she says. And more people were asking about finicky projects like pâte à choux or macarons, recipes whose long timelines newly appealed to those working from home or looking for weekend time-sucks. As grocery store shortages went beyond sanitizer and toilet paper, calls about ingredient substitutions flooded the hotline. When grocery stores ran low on bread, people called in to ask for recipe suggestions, solutions to rising issues, and once, if it was possible to bake bread on a grill because it was too hot to turn on the oven. Callers looking for a challenge tried out sourdough, “which, for people who have never baked before, is quite an adventure, to say the least,” Pochop says. There were more calls about cookies, but ones baked with alternative flours, since all-purpose was scarce. More time and fewer options at the grocery store have indeed made baking more popular than ever, and King Arthur’s sales have gone up as much as 600 percent accordingly (as have hits to its website). But it’s not the only thing driving thousands more callers to the Baker’s Hotline. According to Pochop, who has been with the company since 2017, “in the last couple of months, people have seemed the most lonely.” Baked goods in particular are so often tied up with nostalgia and relationships; people seem especially anxious about messing up recipes that their loved ones usually made, or just want to talk to someone — anyone — about how much a recipe means to them. A caller may technically be asking about how to halve a recipe, but what they really want to talk about is how they’d usually make a full recipe to share with their grandchildren. “You can’t actually give them everything that they need,” Perry says. “You can just let them know that you’re there and that a lot of other people are calling with the same feelings.” “We hear from people who just don’t know who else to call.” King Arthur baker specialist and customer support shift lead Amanda Schlarbaum recently spoke to a woman who broke down crying after asking a yeast-related question. Her parents lived far away and she didn’t know when she’d see them again. “She was like, ‘I can’t even believe I’m crying over bread.’ And I’m like, you know, that’s where we all are right now.” The caller ended up spending $55 to send her parents a homemade loaf. In retrospect, the Baker’s Hotline was primed to be a source of comfort during quarantine. King Arthur has a reputation for its teaching culture; its resources are notably beginner-friendly and easygoing. “If you have a process you’ve successfully followed before, then hey, stick with it. Or try this one and compare. All good,” PJ Hamel writes in the company’s oft-recommended primer on sourdough starter. On King Arthur’s social media platforms, bakers have always felt comfortable posting panicked photos of explosively large doughs or asking extremely specific questions. And when bakers tag @kingarthurflour in photos of their finished products, the company responds like an enthusiastic friend. “What a lovely bundt, Marilyn!” reads a reply to one user’s tweeted creation. “Pairing ingredients and recipes is like putting two partners together for a dance. Will they fluidly tango? Your stunning Kaiser Rolls clearly answer that question!” the company replied on Facebook when a baker paired King Arthur’s bread flour with a Cook’s Illustrated recipe. Hotline staffers are armed with all of King Arthur’s online resources and cookbooks, as well as fat binders of their own creation filled with handwritten notes on questions that have been asked before. And they’re game for questions that extend outside the baking realm. In late April, Schlarbaum picked up the phone to a stranger who wanted to know how much extra sauce she should make if she’d bought an extra pound of oxtail. “She was so nonchalant about it,” Schlarbaum says. As Easter in quarantine approached, Pochop received a few questions about ham and potatoes. Even non-baking questions are usually culinary in nature, so if they can, the staffers try to answer them. After all, imagine you can’t leave your house, see your more cooking-inclined family, or even get through to most customer service lines — but there is one line that promises, seven days a week, to connect you with an actual human who will earnestly try to help you out, no matter how specific your problem. “On a daily basis we hear from people who just don’t know who else to call and they saw our number on the bag of flour that they have in their hand,” says Popchop. As unprecedented as the volume of calls has been recently, the questions are the same as they’ve always been, just modified by the constraints of a global crisis. People still call about wedding cakes, but they’re making a miniature version because the couple is celebrating without family and friends. Schlarbaum called fellow hotline staffers to discuss a mascarpone filling for her own quarantine birthday cake. People are baking to relieve stress, just as they always have done, only now the stress and the baking have increased tenfold: “You’re looking for something that you can accomplish,” Perry says. “You’re looking for something that feels good and can take care of other people.” People are maybe a little more emotional if their buttercream isn’t mixing properly, but Schlarbaum jumps into therapist mode, advising deep breaths and walking away for 15 minutes. “I tell them when I make buttercream, I’ve ruined it every single time.” Most calls end with a relieved baker and sometimes a few extra minutes of chatting, just because the caller doesn’t want to hang up yet. “Right now, people are bored and anxieties are running high,” Schlarbaum says, “and I think people just need someone to be like, ‘No, no, the bread will be fine. Just let it rise another half an hour. It’ll be okay.’” Erin Berger is a freelance writer and former culture editor at Outside magazine, based in Santa Fe, New Mexico. from Eater - All https://ift.tt/30LRITh

http://easyfoodnetwork.blogspot.com/2020/06/king-arthur-flours-baking-hotline-has.html

[ecotone99]

[RF] [Pt.1] When the Tingle Becomes a Chill

Dan Kovalchik and his mistress, Kelly, stroll through The Point, the sky dimly illuminated with light pollution from the city below. They are departing the water’s edge, next to a large fountain, which is shut off with the winter weather in mind. Having just had dinner downtown, they decided to take a detour and gaze upon the confluence of the three rivers which explain for some of the fragmented geography of Pittsburgh. The Monongahela, Allegheny, and Ohio rivers meet at this point, marked by a state park directly across the Allegheny from Heinz Field. They walked slowly, holding hands and talking lightly, both quietly excited to return to their hotel room.

Dan is married. His wife, Tina, is home with their son, Evan. Tina knows where he is and what he is doing but at this point in their marriage, it matters very little. They sleep in separate beds, and other than sometimes crossing paths in the mornings before he leaves for work at his investment firm, or the quiet, tense dinners they share several nights a week alongside Evan, or perhaps occasionally on the weekends when they both happen to be home, they live almost completely separate lives. Dan prefers it this way, and he is willing to believe that Tina does too. After all, if it was that big of an issue, why was she still there? Waiting for him at home, cooking his dinners, doing everything possible to appear discontent but passive.

Ah, he remembered, thinking this over as they walked. The money. Dan’s father had been a banker. He was born into a trade which happened to make him a hell of a good living, just like his father before him. Tina, on the other hand, was the daughter of a Somerset County coal miner, and had came from nothing. Born Tina Greely, she had been married once before, to a boy she went to high school with named Craig Randolph. In the few short years they were married, they had no children but otherwise lived what was outwardly God’s own Americana fantasy. Craig worked long hours running equipment at a strip mine, Tina waited tables for some extra money. Then, one night when Tina was almost freshly twenty one, Craig had been killed following a catastrophic brake failure on his truck while returning from work. Having lost contact with her parents over their disapproval of her marriage to Craig, she took what money she had and moved to the city. She began tending bar, making reasonable money and doing alright when at age twenty three she met Dan. At the time, Dan was twenty seven. For him, at the time at least, it felt like love at first sight. Tina still had her youthful looks then, and after a few drinks he asked for her phone number.

They dated for two years before he asked her to marry him. Another two years later, Evan came into the world. They had both wanted to have a child, and it seemed like the right thing to do. Upon getting pregnant, Tina left her job and had since fallen into the role of homemaker, something she generally excelled at. Dan went to work, made good money, kept the house heated, cooled, filled with food and aplomb with running water and electricity. Tina stayed home and made sure that her boys were fed, the house was clean, and all the little errands that Dan had long since decided were beneath him were taken care of. This was the nature of their relationship, and this is why he knew she could do nothing to change it. She needed him, and Evan needed him. In his eyes, his wife’s main duty overall was to keep him satisfied, and where she could not give him satisfaction, other women would take her place, and she would have to accept it, god dammit.

He thought about satisfaction as his hand slid down the back of Kelly’s dress. She was twenty five, much younger than Dan. She was a receptionist in his office, and though he had been unfaithful in the past, it had never felt this good or lasted this long. They saw each other mostly on weekends, but on this occasion he couldn’t help himself and decided to spend Tuesday night in the city to see her. He no longer felt the need to lie to Tina or make up excuses, he instead opted on just telling her he wouldn’t be home for dinner. When he told her, her trite response told him that she knew what was going on, but again there was no protest. She had not told him she loved him when she hung up. As his hand meets the bottom curvature of her ass, Kelly looks up at him, grinning before biting her lip. He begins to lean in for a kiss, but he hears the sound of approaching footsteps and he turns to look. A man is walking behind him. He is dressed in all black, with a sweatshirt on and his hood up, head pointed towards the ground. He is walking quickly in their direction, but Dan pays him no mind and turns his head back around, focusing again on his hand that is firmly gripping Kelly’s ass. He thinks about all the mischief they will get into the moment the door swings closed behind them at their hotel room.

This sweet train of thought is interrupted by a gunshot that he does not hear, coming from the snub nose .357 in the hand of the hooded man, who has shortened the distance between them to about five feet. He holds the pistol in his right hand, which is now coated in a leather glove, and puts a bullet right behind Dan’s left ear. It exits through his cheek, leaving a large hole that immediately spews blood. Dan immediately falls to the ground face first, and begins spasming and thrashing wildly on the concrete. Kelly looks down at him, aghast, arms raised and mouth open in a scream which has not yet found its voice. Before she can react any further, the man stands over Dan, points the pistol at his head, which is laid on his left cheek as it begins to pool blood on the concrete, and fires a second round into his temple. Dan stops writhing as the pool grows, slowly but surely. Kelly finally screams hysterically before the man turns the gun in her direction, causing her to run. Content with her effort to flee the scene, he drops the unregistered and serial number-free revolver, before he crouches down next to the still-bleeding corpse of the former Dan Kovalchik. He hastily searches Dan’s pockets, coming up with a wallet and a caseless iPhone. He doesn’t bother to see how much is in the wallet, but he quickly removes Dan’s Rolex before he gets back up and begins to head in the opposite direction. Walking along the riverside, he tosses Dan’s phone in the omnipotent blackness of the Monongahela. Walking another ten or so yards, he does the same with the wallet before doing the same with the watch. Soon enough, he reaches the overpass which his car is parked under. He gets in and begins his journey across town before the engine warms up.

———

Steve Ryan waits nervously in the furthest corner booth of a seedy diner in Greenfield. He sips his coffee purely out of oral desperation rather than a desire for energy. He worries that if he finishes this second cup he may be liable to vibrate out of the seat. In the interior pocket of his jacket, there is an envelope containing $10,000 cash. However, this is only a minor part of what is making him nervous. The money is payment for a contract on a man’s life. This ten grand is to be added to the five grand paid up front to a man that Steve knows only as Buck. Buck has been hired by Steve and his lover, Tina, to kill her husband, so they can cash in on his life insurance. Any moment now, Buck should come through the door. Either that or he had been caught and was currently telling tales to whoever would listen inside of central booking. He sipped his coffee again and tried to ignore these thoughts.

He had met Tina while they were grocery shopping, and he felt an immediate connection. Eventually they began to run into each other more and more, and it became apparent that these were no longer accidental encounters. He got her phone number and on innocent enough terms, they met for coffee. This began a passionate affair, one that he had felt guilty about at first, but as he saw deeper inside the fallacy that was Dan and Tina’s marriage, his conscience quieted on the issue. Their affair continued and went on for months, and they began mutually fantasizing about the life they could share together. Steve made a respectable living as a residential carpenter, building houses for a small local contractor. As time went on, the fantasy began to grow legs, and one night Tina brought up her idea. They could have Dan killed. He had a half a million dollar insurance policy with his company, this plus the other assets Tina would inherit would be more than enough for them to start over wherever and however they wanted. At first, of course, he was apprehensive. There was that old feeling of guilt he had when they first began sleeping together. Then, one night she came to see him, crying, with a fresh bruise on her face. She told him that Dan had hit her after he confronted her about his infidelity. That was enough for him. Tina said she knew someone who could do it, and Steve agreed to front the money. Fifteen grand seemed reasonable, if it could be done clean.

The glass front door swung open and the bells hung on the inside jingled to announce the presence of Buck as he walked in the door. He was a big man, hair slicked back with gel and a full, long beard. He looked around and spotted Steve in the rear corner, who flagged him down with a slight wave. He walked to the back and sat across from him. At first he said nothing. Steve held his breath and saw the tattoo on Buck’s neck that read “YOU SUFFER” as Buck looked to his left, annoyed.

“It’s done,” Buck said quietly.

“Are you sure?” Steve replied, exhaling.

Buck glared at him and began to say something the lone waitress manning the establishment appeared next to their booth and asked Buck if he wanted anything.

“Check’s fine,” he replied sternly. She walked away, looking displeased. Buck watched her walk away before he leaned in to a menacing distance from Steve.

“I wouldn’t be here if there was any doubt. Give me my fucking money.”

Steve’s eyes widened and his hand shook as he removed the envelope from his jacket, after looking around the room like a panicked animal to be sure nobody was watching. He handed it from under the table to Buck, who was looking less angry and had settled on being annoyed instead. Buck didn’t count it, but he took a quick peek inside for some mild assurance that he wasn’t about to commit a second murder tonight. He put it in his own jacket. A moment later, the waitress returned and handed Steve his check. No longer wanting to hang around, Steve drained the rest of his coffee and walked the check to the register. He finished paying just as Buck walked out the door behind him. He came out shortly after and saw Buck climb into his car, a piece of shit black Dodge Stratus. He fired it up an drove off as Steve watched, still nervous for some reason. He watched Buck travel down the street and turn away, thinking about what he had gotten himself into.

A man was dead. A man he did not like, but a man nonetheless. He thought about Dan, probably zipped up in a bag and on a ride to the coroner’s office. He thought about Tina, probably having just received the call informing her that her dear husband and the beloved father of her only child, Daniel Allen Kovalchik, had been shot dead in an apparent robbery in downtown Pittsburgh. And we have a witness and a description, ma’am, but unfortunately I have to inform you that the witness is a hot young piece of twenty something ass that your husband was fucking! Steve snapped out of all these ugly thoughts and got into his truck. He let it warm up a moment before he pulled out onto the street, heading towards home.

———

Tina sat on the couch, glass of wine in hand, staring across the room at the home phone in the kitchen. She placed herself strategically in this spot in the living room so she would have that few extra seconds before she reached the phone once it rang. It was seldom contacted by anyone other than telemarketers, but if everything went according to plan it would be ringing fairly soon, with what would in most cases constitute as bad news. She had made Steve promise her that he wouldn’t call her that night under any circumstances. So if Dan was indeed dead, and she had a feeling he was, she would find out from the authorities.

She had put Evan to bed at 9:00, and it was approaching 12:30. In the mean time she had drank a few glasses of wine and broken into her emergency cigarette ration from inside the freezer. She kept a pack of Marlboro Menthols in there for times when she found herself more stressed than usual, and she had smoked three of them since Evan had gone to bed. She didn’t like him seeing her smoke, so when she did it was with great care to avoid his impressionable gaze. She had mostly quit, besides these brief relapses of course, but seeing her son grow up to smoke would break her heart.

She told herself she was doing this for Evan. On top of doing an uninspiring job as a husband, he wasn’t a contender for father of the year. As it turns out, you don’t have a lot of time to raise your son if you’re always working or cheating on your wife. If she had the money he had, she could give him a great life. Not that life was bad for him now, but it could be better without Dan in the picture. But the reality was, she was doing it primarily for herself. She hated Dan. She thought long, hard, and often about killing him herself. It had almost happened a few times, as she lay awake in bed listening to him come home late and go to bed in the next room. She thought about the gun she kept in her walk in closet, which he didn’t know about it, and how she could stop him any time she wanted if she ever worked up the nerve. Luckily for her, she didn’t have to. She called Buck.

Buck was an old friend from her hometown. He had been a less than savory denizen of their town, but she always had a soft spot for him. But, she had heard in passing back then that Buck had done a murder for hire for another local. A man in Somerset had raped a fourteen year old girl and walked away without a conviction over a technicality. Buck was paid by the girls father to get rid of him. The body was never found. Tina trusted Buck, for whatever reason, and one day, after finally convincing Steve to go with it, she reached out to him. He was surprised to hear from her. They met for dinner and caught up. The conversation veered towards the topic of murdering Tina’s husband, and Buck responded positively. He named his price, and she agreed. Over the next few days they hashed out details via several face to face meetings while Evan was in school. He would wait for a night he was far from home, in the city maybe, and out in public. When Dan had called to deliver one of his varied bullshit excuses that afternoon, she knew this was the night. She called Buck from a pay phone and gave him the address of Dan’s office. From there he would tail him until the moment was right.

The phone rang. It spooked her so bad she almost spilled the rest of her wine. She shot up out of the chair but slowed herself crossing the kitchen to the phone’s place of residence on the opposite wall. She waited for what seemed like a fair amount of time before she picked up.

She inhaled sharply. She had practiced this. The voice, the inflection, the growing sense of worry in her voice as the call went on toward the impending bad news.

“Hello?” She asked, clenching her empty fist. Her knuckles turned white but she kept it clenched as hard as she could.

“Hello, is this Mrs. Tina Kovalchik?”

“Yes, speaking.” She worried that sounded too rehearsed, too mechanical but she proceeded.

“Hello, ma’am. I’m Gregory Dillon, I’m with the coroners office here in Pittsburgh. Look, there’s no easy way to say this, but we think we found your husband, ma’am. You are Dan Allen Kovalchik’s wife, correct?”

She paused. I was, she thought.

“Yes,” she said with a slight crack in her voice.

“Well we believe we have him here but we need you to come make a positive ID. Are you available to come down now?”

She let the waterworks go now. She began to wail. She held the phone to her chest. As the tears flowed from her eyes, authentic emotions came with them. She thought about how it was over, Dan was dead, he was gone now. The pain he caused her was over. She cried at the thought of her newfound freedom from him. She thought about this and her new life with Evan and Steve, Steve who may raise Evan better than Dan could.

“…. ma’am? Look, I’m sorry… I know this is hard, but we need you to come in. Can you do that now? Or is there someone else we can call if you’re unavailable?” the voice of Dillon asked. She gathered herself.

“No, no. I can come in. I’ll be there as soon as I can,” she said before hanging up, without saying goodbye. Perhaps a goodbye was too casual at a time like this. She took off her bath robe which she’d be sitting in and replaced it with her coat. As she zipped up her coat, she thought about Evan. Should she tell him now? She decided against it. Not worth getting him out of bed. She phoned her friend Dawn down the street, informing her of the situation and asking her to watch over Evan for a little while. Through teary eyed, choked patterns of speech Dawn agreed to come over and make sure Evan was safe and none the wiser for the time being. She checked the pocket of her coat for her keys and headed to the door when she caught a glimpse of herself in a mirror before she reached the threshold. She examined herself. Some of her youth still remained even at thirty five, but much of it was replaced by the troubling early stages of crow’s feet and smile lines. She had perennial bags under her crystalline blue eyes from the stress of motherhood amidst a failing marriage, and surely this situation wouldn’t make her look any younger. Some days in the right light, she could spot the beginning of graying in some strands of her dark, wavy hair. This all worried her, but now was not the time to worry about such things as age and former beauty. Once again she checked for her keys before opening the door and walking into the cold, lonesome driveway to warm up her Jeep before embarking on this late journey into Pittsburgh.

———

The next day was long and terribly out of the ordinary for Tina. She got home early that morning after going and identifying her late husband’s corpse on an examining table in the Pittsburgh City Morgue. She displayed a face shock and despair over Dan’s death, and the coroner seemed to buy it. The shock was fairly genuine, though. Perhaps she hadn’t considered this detail in its entirety. She only saw him for a moment before she looked away but it was an image that would remain with her forever. His face, which had still been handsome despite his age and her slow burning hatred of him, now had a half dollar size hole in his cheek that had exposed part of his eyeball. The side of his head was worse. She didn’t look close enough to see his brain from inside of the grotesque crater that now occupied the side of Dan’s head, but she saw the small chunks of pink and gray matter that clung to what remained of his salt and pepper hair and she finally turned her head and confirmed that this was the corpse of her husband. She felt a slight relief, though from the shock. It made it feel more real to her, and she figured it did for the coroner as well.

Tina got home as the sun rose and came in to find Dawn sleeping on her couch, used tissues scattered on the floor and the coffee table before her. Dawn was nice but she had always been very dramatic, and Tina nearly had to stifle a laugh at the thought of her fucking neighbor mourning Dan more than she was. She even knew, to a certain and very limited degree, about Dan’s shortcomings as a husband and father, and had suggested very bluntly to Tina that she leave Dan. Some times before she fantasized about a world where she could just leave Dan. But he would never let it happen. On top of him being in nearly complete control of her finances, his pride was too great. She reminded herself that this was the only way, and this was how life was to be from now on, before she woke Dawn from her slumber. Dawn woke up and they talked for a few minutes, Dawn repeatedly expressing her sympathies while quietly sobbing on the couch. Once the tears stopped for a brief intermission Tina managed to usher her out, and she took a moment to prepare for the hardest part of all of this.

Evan loved his father, and Dan had loved him too, though he did a poor job of showing it. Every day Evan eagerly awaited the arrival of his father from work, and he would always pout when he would have to work late, et cetera. He was still asleep, blissfully unaware of the loss he had suffered, and she considered letting him wake up on his own, but she decided that it had been put off long enough. She went into his room upstairs and peered inside. He was asleep with his head under the covers, shielding his face from the sun peering in through the blinds. She cleared her throat and entered the room and once again she was leaking bona fide, sorrowful tears at the thought of what she had to tell her son. The guilt returned finally, but she couldn't stop herself from sitting down on the edge of the bed and rubbing what appeared to be his arm to gently wake him. He stirred under the covers for a moment before he poked his head out. It was a little early for him to be up for school and he looked confused. She swallowed hard.

———

Steve was at work and attempting to go about his day as usual. He still had not spoken to Tina and he was nervous again. It was late morning and even though he dipped instead of smoking cigarettes he joined the other guys on the site for a smoke break behind someone’s truck. They were all talking about the buildup to playoff football but his mind was elsewhere. Still in that diner in Greenfield, sitting across from some madman for hire that had just killed a man. He heard voices talking around him and he looked up at the group of fellow nicotine fiends surrounding him.

“… yeah, fuckin’ guy got shot twice in the head right downtown at the point. Said it was a robbery. They didn’t get the guy."

Steve froze. Once again he stood there, eyes wide, feeling rather far in over his head. He recognized this was good news, but hearing about it took him way off guard. It took him a moment to gather himself but eventually he chimed in on the subject, agreeing that it was a heinous crime, and the city was most certainly not what it used to be.

At lunch, he called her, finally. She answered quickly from her cell phone, talking quietly. He figured Evan must be near. He wondered how he was taking the news. This would surely be hardest on him. They talked briefly and for what seemed like no particular reason. They did not mention what happened, they just seemed mutually reassured by each others presences on the other end of their respective lives. Steve finally started to feel the stress beginning to lift from his shoulders. But he wondered, would he always worry? Would there ever be a time this was totally behind him? Perhaps it was too early to tell. As he marks a stud to cut, he breaks his pencil and cusses at the splintered piece of wood and graphite that remained in his hand. As he went and grabbed a replacement from his truck, he wondered how long it would take for this all to feel normal. He worried that it may never feel that way, then he worried it may feel that way far too soon.

———

That afternoon, Tina once again finds herself clad in her bath robe with a glass of wine in hand. Evan is finally achieving sleep upstairs. He has taken the news miserably. He has sobbed all day on and off and she fears it is only really beginning to set in on him that his father is truly gone. Tina has cried some too, but only over the thought of what this did to Evan. Seeing him like this was almost enough for her to feel a slight sting of regret, and she has to remind herself continually that this was still the right thing to do. It was around three, and the increasingly low sun of the late autumn day began to cast shadows that ran across the living room and create strange, non geometric shapes through the leaves on the maple tree in the yard. She stares at them for a while before she gets another glass of wine, most of which she finishes still standing at the counter.

Returning to her position on the couch, she props her head up on the arm and stares at the ceiling, watching the fan attached to the high living room ceiling as it rotated endlessly above her. She watches this and envisions her life beyond this point. Once the insurance money comes in, she and Evan and Steve will move elsewhere. Steve is skilled and he can find work, plus with the sizable amount of capital she is about to inherit they can buy a nice home, perhaps something near the ocean like she had always dreamed of. Growing up in the often bleak surroundings of Western PA coal country, dreaming of the ocean seemed to be the only reasonable means of brief escapism from the rust belt reality that surrounded her.

Soon she was drifting off into a light sleep, imagining her and Evan on a beach, smiling, playing in the sand. They laugh and chase each other among the dunes for hours, eating lunch under an umbrella during brief periods of rests between frolicking in the sand and splashing around in the gentle Atlantic surf. She didn’t know where it was but it was distinctly Atlantic, with cool, greenish water washing ashore near them with the tide. Perhaps the Carolinas? She didn’t know. But they were happy, oh so happy, maybe as happy as they had ever been. As the sun began to descend into the western sky behind them, they walked up a narrow path up through the dunes to a large, two story house that sat proudly overlooking the ocean with a widow’s walk on top to match. She sees herself atop the walk, glancing out over the darkening sea as the sun sets red to her rear. The waves crash upon the shore and she smiles down at Evan who stands at her hip and smiles back up at her, and she knows she has done the right thing. The feeling of her sleeve being tugged jolts her awake. She sits up quickly to find little Evan standing next to the couch, having just woken up. He still has a sullen look about him but he has stopped crying, at least. He says nothing, but she welcomes him onto the couch and he hugs her as he buries his face in her side. She pats him on the back as a tear streams down her face.

“I know this is hard, Evvie. And it may be unfair. But we will get through this, just you and me. We don’t need anybody else, baby. If you stick with me, I will make sure that everything is taken care of. I love you so much, baby, and I just want you to know that. Everything I do is for you, and nothing will ever change that.”

She heard him sniffle and he continued to embrace her. They sat like this for a while, as she played with his hair and watched the sun go down through the window facing the maple tree out back. In the comforting silence of this moment, her thoughts returned to her and her son, happy on a beach somewhere. She thought about Steve. She loves him, as far as she can tell. and he is welcome to join her in this illustrious fantasy of middle class bliss. She will see him in person soon, and they’ll begin to plan their escape. Holding her son close to her body, thinking of the possibilities, she finally feels a sense of promise about the near future. Careful not to let Evan see, she smiles weakly.

———

Within the next week, Dan is buried. He has a closed casket service at a nice funeral parlor. The day of the funeral is, frankly, exhausting for Tina. All day she is comforted by her friends and loved ones, and those of Dan’s, and she must continue her crocodile tears for the whole of the event. Though Dan’s parents are several years dead, the rest of his immediate family shows up in force. His two brothers bring their families. Cousins come from up in Erie to pay their respects. She sees them as extensions of Dan’s father, who always looked down on her family for their lower middle class and heavily rural roots. She senses a contempt among them, which has always quietly angered her and today is no different. Though keeping up her facade is tiring, she has grown to appreciate the constant sympathy being handed down by those around. If nothing else, it means she is not under suspicion, at least by those around her. Even Dan’s brothers shake her hand gingerly and let her know that if there is anything they, or their wives, can do to assist her in this trying time. On the surface, she is appreciative and humble on top of her apparent sadness.

In the furthermost reaches of what may be called her reptilian brain, though, Tina feels victorious. Everything is going to plan. She refuses to acknowledge these thoughts, but they prevail, and every time one of her neighbors or Dan’s family members attempts to comfort her, as she dabs her eyes with a balled up tissue on the exterior, she laughs at them from within. Things are in motion with the life insurance payoff. At night, after Evan is asleep, she searches the internet for homes on the coast. Mostly the Carolinas, though Maryland, in spite of its high taxes, begins to interest her as well. Dan is buried that afternoon in a large Hillside cemetery overlooking part of the city. Tina hears one of Dan’s cousins remark that there is no space for her in the ground next to him, and she pretends she is none the wiser.

The following year is full of great change for all involved. After several months, Dan and Tina begin to date more publicly, or at least with Evan now being aware that they see each other. Tina does little to explain this to him and he remains stoic on the topic, though Tina assumes he is at least confused by the concept, if not outright upset by it. They begin to look at homes together, and eventually decide on a small, waterfront home on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. Not exactly the coast, but she hears the Chesapeake is beautiful. Steve looks forward to scouring the bay for rockfish and Evan expresses mild interest in being close to the beach, which he has never seen before. Steve accepts a position as a foreman for another residential construction contractor in the area. They will work primarily building vacation homes for folks looking to take weekend getaways to avoid the hustle of the DC/ Baltimore metro, and he will make considerably more money than he did before. Tina looks forward to continuing her station as a homemaker, and reading more often from the comfort of a wooden adirondack chair on their own private slice of beach.

The new family, if you could call it that, drops everything and moves about eight months after Dan’s death. Neighbors and relatives whisper rumors about Tina having an affair before his passing, she figured as much, but she leaves all this behind as they embark eastbound and down across the turnpike. They travel in a rather unimpressive convoy of her Jeep in the lead, loaded with luggage, while Steve follows behind in his pickup with a u-haul box trailer in tow. Evan sits proudly in the front, after several minutes of campaigning to join Steve on the trip instead of his mother. Steve is happy to oblige, and does his best to keep him entertained on the long trip with jokes he reminds him not to say around Tina.

They make their new home in the summer. Within weeks they are unpacked and settled in. Steve began work, and enjoyed the relative ease of being a foreman. The paperwork is plentiful, but it beats hanging drywall while age forty looms around the corner. Evan enjoyed a few more weeks of summer vacation before starting school at the end of August. He attends a private Christian school, an idea which had initially brought on the ire of Tina, but after seeing the state of public schooling in the area she had changed her mind. Time went on, as it so often does, and they all became further and further accustomed to the new lives they were leading, but with the passing time inevitably comes change. Change could be a good thing, but when you have everything you ever wanted, it tends to be the opposite.

———

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