#and anything else is up to god (sjm)

[oliviajdjarin]

Azriel Shadowsinger: Young God

Pairing: Azriel x fem!reader (afab; she/her)

Request: “Okay I’m annoying you with these now hehe sorry. But I have another idea/request. You know how in angst Azriel x reader oneshots it’s always the reader who’s in love with Azriel and he’s in a relationship? How about we switch that and make it so Azriel is in love with an unavailable reader?” @aroseinvelaris

Excerpt: “He looked up at you like a boy, a little boy, who had been pushed too far. And yet, at the same time, the Azriel who quickened your heart with only a glance was still there, giving his face and body the look of what you could only describe as a young, bleeding god. Covered in sweat and tears and blood, his hair soaked with the same alloy, he was a fallen angel, begging for mercy.

His eyes said to you make it stop. Please, make it end.

“Az,” you whispered, and he fell into your arms.

Your brain instantly tore you in half. You had never felt so overjoyed and crestfallen in the same moment.”

Warnings: illyrian!reader, jealous!azriel (so yummy), idiots in love, reader has sex with someone else, heavy swearing, kind of toxic reader and az, drinking, mating bond, punching bags, blood, kissing, and our lord of bloodshed and high lord make an appearance.

Word Count: 3.7k 

A/N: I have been sitting on this request forever, and I feel I am finally capable of doing it justice. I hope you enjoy @aroseinvelaris, thank you again for your request.

A/N 2: I’m a lot a little rusty with acotar vernacular and Azriel descriptions. so please be kind. This is also incredibly not canon.

SJM Masterlist 

If you would like to leave a like, comment, ask, or reblog, it would be much appreciated :)

The last thing you wanted to do in the infamous, disreputable Windhaven War-Camp was drink, but with the presence of its current war lord, you were really fucking tempted to.

You could hear his remarks from a multiple tables away. 

 Training females, a waste of resources if you ask me.

What the fuck else does Rhysand expect of us? To put bitches in our camps? On our front lines?

Rhysand’s dogs wish they could prove what we do to with them after their training.

He was a cocksucking pig, and that was enough of an excuse for you to bring a cup of wine to your lips and practically guzzle it down.

“You hear him too?” said the Lord of Bloodshed to your right, or as you knew him, just Cass.

You nodded, taking another sip despite the sour grapes coating your tongue, and his leathers squeaked as he leaned forward on his chair. He was gripping his own glass like a sailor dangling over a hull.

“Mother help me,” he replied.

“Mother help us all,” you countered, and Cassian chuckled.

“And Rhysand most of all,” he replied, gesturing across the crowded dining area.

Rhys was elbows-deep in documents, going over how exactly Windhaven was functioning under his rule with the other war lords. You didn’t blame him. With Ironcrest continuing to defame him and grip onto their dissent, Rhysand couldn’t afford to lose anyone else.

He would never admit that, of course, but after over a century of spying for him, you had your ways of reading him; shoulders tight, back hunched, eyebrows creased, and chin resting on his palm. Yeah, he was a bit stressed out.

If only you could read another Illyrian in the room’s body language so well.

You and Cassian sat and drank for some time, grateful Rhys trusted you to be his backup but simultaneously regretting ever joining him in the first place, before the rest of your backup arrived.

You begged your heart not to quicken. The alcohol was already fucking with your head enough.

Azriel sat in the seat to your left, his distinct musk of cool air, leather, and shadows breezing by you as he did, and poured himself a glass of his own.

“Notice anything?” Cassian asked him as he poured, well aware that your heart was in fact quickening, but Az shook his head.

“Nothing out of the ordinary.”

You nodded as he sipped his drink, leaning back into his chair. His wings and chest widened, giving your peripheral vision the perfect angle of his leathers. Him and Cassian had gone all out - adorned with every dagger, cuirass, pauldron, and gauntlet you could think of, in addition to their shimmering siphons bouncing off every metallic object in the hall. You blended in with them as best as you could.

Except, of course, the fact that you were a female.

Az’s voice ripped you from your thoughts. “I would feel more confident if Y/N did my route over again after dinner is served. Would you be okay with that?” 

You nodded without looking at him, and were surrounded by silence once more.

The three of you continued to keep your eyes open, scanning the room for any sudden movements, suspicious glances, or unnecessary walks towards your High Lord. Your body besieged you to get up and get away from the male beside you. Escape the nervous energy he always seemed to coat you with made especially worse given the fact that you were surrounded and outnumbered by enemies, made your fight-flight-or-freeze response ache with strain.

The alcohol wasn’t helping the feeling at all. You needed something else. Right then and right there to make your heart pound and sweat pour from your pores.

With one glance to your right, you spotted your solution.

“Is that who I think it is?” Cassian asked, following your line of sight, and you grinned.

Ozia. A name perfect for his image in your mind.

Azriel followed your gaze as well, his spine straightening and his eyes squinting, and looked back to you with a look that could only be described as a mix of puzzled and panicked.

The male’s hazel eyes met yours across the hall, and in that moment, you knew exactly where your night was going to end.

The male was tall and chiseled, skin tanned and freckled, and his hair was brown and curly. It hung over his eyes slightly, etching his curved nose and pouted lips perfectly. He was quiet, reserved, but one of the few Ilyrian males you had ever found yourself able to trust. You had met him the last time you had visited Devlon, enforcing Rhysand’s rule of training before chores with an iron fist, and Ozia had backed you up completely. He explained that he had even started taking the females back to his home to teach them proper stretching and breathing techniques, and his support made your trip infinitely easier.

Maybe that was the reason you had ended up in his bed, or maybe it was because of his borderline piercing resemblance to the male on your left. Either way, Cassian had never teased you as relentlessly as he had the day he had found out - you still had no fucking idea how - and with the look in his eye as his gaze bounced between you, Ozia, and Az, he was not going to let this one go either.

Not a morsel of you cared. It was infinitely better than sitting in the want of a male you could never have.

You finished off your wine before standing up, scraping your wooded chair against the floor as you did. Azriel looked up at you and, likely having put the two pieces together, asked, “What about dinner?”

Your excitement to escape him caused you to overlook the venom in his tone.

“I’m not hungry,” you responded, and made your way towards the male you knew, and away from the one you wish you did.

                                                          ~*~

Azriel willed himself to remember a word of what Cassian had said to him from the moment you left to the moment he finally made his escape, but as he trekked up the creaky, circular stairs to his dust-ridden bedroom for the evening, he could not recall a single word.

Not after the look in your eyes as you looked at the male across the room, the grin tracing your teeth as you eyed him, and the way your hips moved as you walked to him. Not after Azriel could not eat more than a few bites of the chicken soup provided for them without becoming queasy at the thought of what that male - Ozia - was doing to you, what you were doing to him. Not after the blow to his heart after waiting for you to walk his route with him, as you had agreed to, and you never showing. 

And especially not now, as he prepared himself for the necessity of passing your room in order to get to his own.

With the alcohol muddling his mind and the exhaustion in his muscles from one of the longest days he had experienced in recent memory, he thought he could pass it by without a second thought. He was in the clear at the top of the steps, throat closing and head pounding, but as he made his way past your door, his hope dissolved like a sugar in tea.

He didn’t hear you, or him, or have any proof that you were together in your room in any way...

... except for the smell of it.

He had never hated anything more..

The smell of you - you - that he had gotten to know so well. Vanilla and green tea with just a hint of rose, a mixture true to who you were at your core, mixed with the smell of someone else. It was sex and sweat and spit and sheets and you so much of you and so much of him.

It was acrid, pungent, and so fucking heart shattering that he had to put his hand to his chest to ensure his heart was still beating.

He wanted to keel over in pain, rip his heart out of his chest, shatter every window in the cabin, and rip you away from him all in the same moment.

But he just kept on walking, ignoring the tether in his chest pulling him back to you more than anything else.

                                                       ~*~

If Azriel thought that night was long, he was not ready for the morning after.

At breakfast, you reeked of him, yet the smile on your face was what burned Azriel to a crisp. As the four of you traveled home, you and Cass snuck glances at each other like two females who knew something Azriel didn’t. When you finally reached the House of Wind, you immediately went up to bed, mumbling something about how you hadn’t managed to get much sleep anyway.

He hadn’t either.

As you headed upstairs, Azriel headed down, vibrating with an energy he could not describe. All he knew was that he wanted it off of him. He needed everything he was feeling inside of him off and away it was cutting him so deeply - 

“Hey,” came a voice, the arm attached to it finding its place on Azriel’s shoulder. He turned, startled to finally feel his body after living solely in his head, and was met with violet.

“What’s going on?” Rhys asked, and Azriel softened a bit from the look of concern in his eyes.

After centuries of having brothers - real brothers - he still wasn’t used to being loved.

“I’m fine,” Azriel replied, and Rhys raised his eyebrows. “Honestly, I am. Just overtired, and sick of Illyrians.”

As if on cue, Cassian walked through the house with a dagger in one hand and an even bigger bottle of liquor in the other, likely headed upstairs to bring said items up to his mate.

He turned to look at his observers as he made his way up, exclaiming proudly, “I picked the dagger out myself.”

Rhys and Az looked at each other after he reached the top, and Rhys chuckled, patting Azriel on the shoulder. “You and me both, brother.”

                                                     ~*~

 Azriel couldn’t remember how many punching bags he’d sent flying across the training room’s floor. He didn’t fucking care.

All he knew was that the feeling inside of him was not stopping.

He had done pushups until he collapsed, a plank until he dropped, crunches until he puked, and now he was punching the bags without any wrapping protecting the skin of his hands. He would take anything else - anything else - in place of this anguish. He could still smell it, couldn’t stop picturing it, and every time his brain seemed to release him from the torture of its vividity, it would snap back in almost instantly like a punch to his stomach.

He’d been hit many times, but nothing that felt like this. It was a feral, dirty, venomous beast inside of him tearing him apart with its nails and teeth. His arms were jelly, his hands were spilling clumps of blood, but it still wasn’t enough. The beast was relentless, beating Azriel no matter what he did.

His chest ached so badly. The thought of you kissing Ozia.

Punch.

Tasting him. 

Punch. 

Feeling him.

Punch.

Laughing with him.

Punch.

Smiling at him. Enough to crinkle your irises. While Azriel waited for you.

Punch.

And possibly even loving him.

A punch, a crack, and a scream echoed through the chamber, and Azriel smiled with victory as his body finally gave out on him.

                                                          ~*~

You woke covered in sweat, an unidentifiable scream echoing through your mind like a stone in an empty cave, and a searing pain etching its way down your right hand. Tears coated your eyes as you sat up, hissing as the throbbing made it down to your fingertips.

The scream continued to reverberate all the while.

“Fuck,” you whispered, your hand laying limp by your side. You felt stupid for crying. You had broken your hand before.

But your hand wasn’t broken.

You attempted to wiggle it around, flexing your fingers and widening your grip, and the pain slowly faded to a dull ache. You wiped your eyes as you pushed down onto the mattress with it, attempting to gauge how harsh the pain was engrained your bones.

The searing sensation returned.

“Fuck,” you whispered again, and scooted off the bed and onto your feet. The sun had begun to rise outside your window, illuminating you with gold as you walked into the hall and down to the kitchen. 

Your mind muddled with pain and sleep so harshly that you relied on your body to navigate for you, allowing it to think for you. You didn’t even know why you were going to the kitchen. You just needed to move the rest of your body to distract you from your hanging hand.

As you blinked the sleep out of your eyes, you realized that, instead of the kitchen, your body had begun to take you down further. 

“What the fuck am I doing?” you questioned, but still walked down, down, down.

Maybe your body was telling you that some training would do you good. Maybe your hand was just stiff and sore, and needed renewed blood flow. You had been skipping out on your morning routine due to your guard duty. Maybe your body was itching for it back.

You yawned, whispering, “Whatever.”

You began rolling your shoulders as your feet hit the ground, warming up your back and neck. You rubbed your eyes one last time with your left hand, allowing your still aching right one to remain hanging at your side, while simultaneously becoming overwhelmed with the scent of sweat, rubber, and blood. For a second, you smiled, content with the feeling of walking into a space you knew so well - that knew you so well. You were excited, your adrenal gland suddenly pumping you with adrenaline and dopamine.

You were home.

That euphoric pairing was suddenly doused with cortisol as you turned towards the punching bags, only to be met with nearly a dozen lying flat, and a mass of dark wings kneeling on the hard ground.

A mass of dark wings that you could recognize with only the sound of them.

“Azriel,” you whispered, watching as he breathed heavily, clutching his bleeding hand. He was surrounded by small sprays of crimson blood and clear sweat, painting the floor a muted color. His expression was...pained, haunted.

It was his right hand he was clutching.

“Azriel,” you said again, a bit louder that time, and picked up your stride. He hinted at no recognition.

Your own pained hand was long forgotten.

You reached him quickly, kneeling down beside him and touching his shoulders gently. You turned him to look at you, tempted to finally understand the exact feeling of his face slightly stubbled, but his head remained low.

“Azriel, what the fu -” you began, but were unable to form another syllable when his golden eyes connected with yours.

He looked up at you like a boy, a little boy, who had been pushed too far. And yet, at the same time, the Azriel who quickened your heart with only a glance was still there, giving his face and body the look of what you could only describe as a young, bleeding god. Covered in sweat and tears and blood, his hair soaked with the same alloy, he was a fallen angel, begging for mercy.

His eyes said to you make it stop. Please, make it end.

“Az,” you whispered, and he fell into your arms.

Your brain instantly tore you in half. You had never felt so overjoyed and crestfallen in the same moment.

His face was pressed against your collarbone as he began to weep, and his arms wrapped around your waist. He was timid at first, waiting for you to push him away, but you didn’t. Your body molded him to you, pressing him against you and holding him like glass. He was shaking, sweating, and bleeding all over you, enough that blood dripping from his mouth had begun to soak through your shirt. You closed your eyes and held him impossibly closer, and brought your still throbbing hand up to the back of his neck.

Every part of his body that you could feel was warm - too warm.

“Azriel,” you whispered, your voice suddenly cracking at the effort to speak, “what happened?”

He said nothing.

“Why are you down here, Azriel?” you asked, beginning to rub your fingers along the top of his spine. “Tell me why.”

He inhaled shakily, his hot breath mixing with the heat of his blood still staining you, and tried to speak. Nothing escaped besides another quiet sob.

This Spymaster, Illyrian warrior, the strongest there had ever been, was shattering in your arms.

“Please just tell me,” you whispered again. It was your own way of begging him to get up again, be the male who never cracked, never crumbled. He was a rock - he was always a rock - and seeing him like this was scaring the living shit out of you.

He had to have caught on, because after a few shaky breaths, he whispered quietly enough for only you to hear. “Because I can still smell him on you.”

Your eyes widened, and a copper taste coated your tongue.

“You...” you whimpered, “you smell him?”

Suddenly Azriel pushed himself off you and looked at you with something other than pain and hurt.

It was...you didn’t know what it was.

“Yes,” he replied, his bloodied, broken hand trembling, “that’s all I can fucking smell and see. I can’t stop it. No matter what I do, I can’t stop it.”

You recalled Rhysand’s words from the past, about Feyre.

When I would feel her on Tamlin, he said, it was all I could see. I couldn’t stop it.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Azriel continued, “my chest...it hurts.”

It was all in my chest, Rhysand had said, the pain was, at least, The rest was somewhere deeper, like it was engrained in me. The wrongness of it was inside of me.

“It’s inside of me, Y/N.” Azriel’s mouth was dripping blood now, adding to the mural he had painted on the floor, “I don’t...your hand?”

You looked down at your limp one, and back up at him.

“You...you felt it?” he asked, referring to the shattering of his own bones.

You nodded, tears streaming down your cheeks, but from something other than pain. Your voice was breathy and perfumed with triumph as you traced the pattern in both Az and Rhys’s words. “Yes.”

Azriel’s defeated eyes suddenly lit with curiosity. “How...how is that possi -” 

“The pain’s right here, isn’t it?” you interrupted him, putting your left hand on the area right beneath your breasts. “Right here?”

You moved your hand to the same area on his chest, and he nodded. 

“It burns, doesn’t it?”

“Everywhere,” he agreed.

You nodded. “It’s deep, like in your bones it feels -”

“- wrong.” He completed your sentence for you.

You smiled, big enough to wrinkle your irises, and kissed him.

He was bloody and hot, but you kissed him anyway, hard enough for drops of it to begin to drip down your lips as well.

You pulled away and took his injured hand in yours. “Why do you think I was with Ozia in the first place?”

Azriel’s voice was quiet and unsure. “I... I don’t know.”

“Because he was as close to you as I could get,” you said with a chuckle. “I thought, after a century, there was no hope. That the Cauldron destined you for someone else. I figured, if I couldn’t have you, I would drown the grief in someone who I could pretend was you.”

His eyes widened, and he licked his bloodied lips before asking, “Did it work?”

You chuckled back and kissed his cheek. “Not even close.”

With your lips still buzzing, he pulled you in for another kiss, and finally - finally - the cracks in your chest bloomed into a bond. It was soothing, spreading itself over all the wounds that remained open from a century of festering, and replaced them with a garden of roses. The feeling stretched itself around your body, wrapping you in a cocoon of solace. You had been carrying the ache of an untethered line in your body, and it had finally found its dock.

He kissed you softly, holding back enough to prove to you of his uncertainty, before you pulled away and mumbled, “I feel it too.”

He swallowed and smiled, enough to crinkle the skin around his eyes and accentuate his dimples. With his blood still dripping from both of your mouths, he said with full confidence, “You’re my mate.”

You wiped the blood from his chin and brushed back the strands of hair sticking to his forehead as you replied, “And you are mine.”

With eyes only filled with love, Azriel said, “So that’s why I wanted to tear his jaw off.”

You smiled and pressed your foreheads together, rubbing your thumb along his cheekbone. Your shattered hands were placed on top of each other on the ground.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” you said to him. “I thought the pain I felt was merely jealousy, and I was with Ozia to escape from it. If I knew you were experiencing it too, or if I was honest from the beginning, you never would have gotten hurt.”

You leaned back to look him in the eye as you said, “I am sorry I hurt you. I am sorry I left you to do the route alone. I am sorry for all of it.”

He only smiled. “I had every opportunity to be honest too, and I didn’t take it. This isn’t your fault.’

You nodded, but he kissed you again. “This isn’t your fault.”

 You kissed him back, showing him you believed him through your tongue and teeth.

You had dreamed of this moment, internalized every spat of poetry Rhysand and Cassian had iterated about the feeling of it, but nothing could have prepared you to know the feeling of being honestly, rawfully, and purely loved.

 Taglist (if you’d like to be added please let me know!)

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[viridianevergarden]

Reading comprehension and critical thinking has really gone out the window hasn’t it? At least in a portion of the fandom.

People are forever stuck under the presumption that Az feels pure lust for Elain and nothing more. That lust suddenly doesn’t go hand in hand with love? That Az is mentally fucked up and should get therapy yet no one else in the IC should? That Az is wrong for naturally shifting his feelings of love from one person to another? That he’s wrong because he didn’t “take a break”? That because of these, Az doesn’t deserve to have love and to love in general?

People are also forever stuck under the presumption that these characters are oh so evil and shouldn’t deserve love at the same time? Take Rhys for a popular example. (When it’s a book series about the ‘villain’ getting the girl. The math isn’t mathing. He’s not even a real, true villain).

No character in ACOTAR is meant to be a saint, I thought everyone knew that. (Oh my god! Morally grey characters when they do morally grey things, shocking😧)

I find most Azriel antis are literally just people who can’t put two and two together. Or just don’t like him for whatever reason they may have. (Everyone has their opinions, yes). But my god, the shallow interpretation and failure to understand his character annoys me ngl. He’s a complex character but he’s not a damn mathematical equation. (He is complex yet linear.)

“He only thought about sex in the bonus chapter.”

As if Elain also wasn’t aroused too? And gave him permission? (Omg, mutual consent! Blasphemy!)

But also the fact that they disregard Az’s noticeable and careful attention to Elain that he has shown throughout the entire series? They disregard purposefully romanticized moments?

“What happened with Elain?”

“What about Elain?”

“I’m getting her back.”

“I can imagine.”

“Would you like me to show you the garden?”

“There is an innate darkness to the Dread Trove that Elain should not be exposed to.”

“This is Truth-teller.”

Shadows gathered around the room like snakes preparing to strike.

“Sit. I’ll take care of it.”

“Wait until everyone is seated before eating.”

“We need to get these chains off her.”

Azriel stood in the doorway, monitoring [Elain]…

“She doesn’t need anything.”

“The Cauldron made you a Seer.”

“Happy Solstice.”

Staying up with her til 3 am, talking about her gardening plans.

The kiss on the cheek.

“Beautiful.”

Countless times of him gently carrying her around.

Him constantly looking out at her garden.

Him spending actual effort to get her a thoughtful gift for solstice.

Facing death itself to get her back immediately by himself.

A laugh so deep and joyous.

Looking at that headache powder every night for over a year without ever using it.

The absence of his shadows in her presence.

“His secret to tell, never hers.”

Need I go on? Azriel is always hyper focused on Elain. Always. If it weren’t for him, Elain would probably be dead or in more trouble than she ever would have been before.

If all Azriel cared about was slipping under Elain’s dress, why did he attend to her so? Why is he hyper aware of her? Why is he so assertive with her needs over anyone else? Even over Nesta? Why would he feel the need to defend her against Nesta, her own sister, if it called for it? Why does he respect her and Lucien’s boundary by refusing to have eyes on Lucien for the sake of their privacy? Why was he the only one to show initiative over anyone else to get Elain back to safety now rather than later, by himself, even if it meant certain death?

But yeah, all he wants is her body. Right? Yeah, that makes sense…

I’m just saying. No main SJM character would ever go through so much effort just to bed another character. Thats not SJM’s style nor is it logical in the slightest.

But oh yes, he feels entitled to her and her body…

…Entitled?

Wrong E word.

Envy ≠ Entitlement.

Feeling Envious of the love that his brothers have? Of the bonds they have with the other sisters? Yet he’s the only one left all by his lonesome? He feels left out. Third wheeled. And rationally so. He’s happy for his brothers but envious all the same. (As if Cassian didn’t feel the same but no one said shit about him did they?)

I’ve said this in another post too but he is NOT looking at Elain and going “she should be mine.”

He doesn’t even think he deserves her for freaks sake.

Rhys doesn’t really know Azriel. Cassian doesn’t really know Azriel. No one truly knows Azriel. The only one who has truly understood some semblance of Azriel is Elain. Even when his heart and feelings are so incredibly gated off from everyone.

So that word —entitlement— that people keep throwing around from Rhys’ lips is completely misguided.

The sheer mischaracterization makes me see red 💀

But back to the point, with obvious and mutual romantic feelings, being horny is normal. (This is also an adult romantasy series, shocking that there’s sexual content).

I’ll die on that hill for Az and Elain.

I don’t get how it can be this hard, but maybe it’s just me.

[yourejinx]

Undeniable Bonds

Azriel x F. Reader

Warnings: angst, as per usual. SPOILERS for other SJM series. Mentions of blood, descriptions of injuries, mentions of death, feelings. Not proof read.

Author’s note: Merry Christmas everyone! It took me MONTHS but is finally here, hope you like it. Sorry for making you wait for so long, life has been nothing short of chaotic. I'd like to thank @crazylokonugget , I read your comment. It was the rush of inspiration I needed to get back into writing 🫶🏻

CHAPTER SIX 

The moon was shining big and bright above the night sky in the city, there was music being played by the river despite the chilling winds of the winter and laughter filled the air around The Rainbow. It all seemed so livid, so peaceful and merry in contrast with the emotional turmoil brewing in your insides. 

You were feeling everything at once, every single thing you had tried to keep concealed for centuries now was ready to combust. You felt confused, and angry, resentful, wary…and underneath it all naively hopeful. It would be a lie to say you had successfully gotten rid of your feelings towards Azriel, if anything all the awful things you've done to each other hurted all the more because of that. He was a friend once, and a good one. Gentle, caring, protective, used to actually enjoy the other's presence, go on walks during the nights when the world felt too heavy, just silently supporting each other. Shared laughs at stupid jokes played at Cass and Rhys, sneaking around while in other courts just for the fun of it, knowing no one would ever find you. You were a team. Until one day you weren’t, he just decided it wasn’t worthy and that was it.  

How were you supposed to open up to this person, when he hadn’t even seen the worst in you and deemed you unworthy? How could you ever trust him again? Yet, here you were, walking side by side next to the Sidra like the old times. You could punch yourself in the face just for considering this, every anxious trait screamed at you to leave, you didn’t owe him a single thing, didn’t have to explain anything. So why did you keep walking alongside him? 

“So…uhm,” He started, nervously scratching at his nape. Trying. He was trying to be open, didn’t hold up that mask of coldness to conceal his emotions, not once. “You and Lucien..?”

“None of your business.” you snapped out of instinct. 

He avoided looking directly at you, focusing on some distant light across the bridge. 

You let out a deep breath, this wasn’t going to work. 

“Just talk to him.” Amren’s voice rang in your head. Try. You had to try, you didn’t have to let him know much just…let the conversation flow, right?

“It was a long time ago, even before Amarantha..” you started, casting a sidelong glance at him.

He turned to you, features soft under the moonlight. Gods, he was unfairly beautiful when he wasn’t an ass. You fixed your sight on the river, if only to keep on track. “Nothing really happened, we were young and drunk at one of Tamlin’s masquerades, we made out and that was it.” 

He nodded slowly and cleared his throat, “And now?”

“Is this what you really want to talk about? He’s my friend, not that I owe you any explanation. Or is this your way to ask if Elain is available now?”

You couldn’t help it, the audacity of this male prying into your private life as if he hadn’t been lusting after Lucien’s mate of all people. Hypocrite doesn’t begin to cut it. 

“I don’t care about Elain, I care about you.” 

You wanted to laugh. “Since when? If I recall correctly you despised me until a week ago, you were either insulting me or just blatantly ignoring me in favor of her, or anyone else really. Then all goes to hell and suddenly I’m worth living for?!” 

He grimaced, “You– you remember that?”

You sighed tiredly and sat down on a bench overlooking the Sidra. “Yes, I remember. I just…I don’t understand you.” 

Azriel just stood there beside you, shifting his weight uncomfortably, not being quite sure what to do.  When he didn’t move or say anything you continued, “I want to believe you,” you swallowed around a lump “but do you hear how it sounds? After all we’ve been through. I trusted you and you threw that in my face, how do you expect me to believe that you care about me?” 

This wasn’t going as he was hoping for, but at least it was something. You were speaking to him more than two sentences, which was a lot more than he deserved to be honest. You could yell at him, curse him, punch him in the face if you wished and he would take it. No complaints. Anything if it meant you’d show him how you truly felt, he wasn’t sure he could endure your silence again, knowing how much he had hurt you. He needed you to let it all out, so he could do something to fix it. 

“I don’t expect you to believe me right away, of course not. I know that I have to earn your forgiveness and one day if I’m one lucky bastard I might earn your trust back once more. But I also know that even when I try to make things right you may not forgive me at all, and I’ll accept that too. Honestly? I just want to know how you feel with all that has happened. The only thing that matters now is you.”

You let out a shaky breath, turning away from him. “I don't know what I'm supposed to feel, everything is a mess.” 

He moved then, crouching in front of you and grasping both your hands on his own, making you look at him. The earnest way he was looking at you, the desperate feeling swimming in his eyes that traveled all the way through the bond. It made you gasp, with all that’s been going on you forgot to put a shield up. Now you could feel him, all of him, which meant  he could feel you. 

“I have no damn right to demand such mercy from you, but if for a single moment you find in your heart a spec of doubt, a small sign of will to forgive this coward for wronging you so unfairly, I just want you to know how sorry I am, for everything. I regret it all, I wish I could take it all back. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, until the day I part from this earth I will fight for you.” 

You were quite sure your bottom lip was trembling as much as his hands were, trying miserably to contain the unwelcomed tears pooling in your eyes. Those were such nice words, the silly part of you that always longed for his recognition wanted so desperately to believe, but there were still too many unresolved things, too many questions still running frantically through your head. And one recurrent thought…

“Did I really have to die for you to notice?”  Your words hung heavy in the air, with a mix of accusation and vulnerability.

Azriel, gaze intense and haunted, looked as if you had just punched a hole through his chest. In that moment, the shadows that bound him seemed to soften, and he confessed the truth that had long eluded you both. It wasn't the brush with death that made him take notice; it was the fear of losing you that shattered the carefully constructed barriers around his heart.

"No, it's not about noticing, it's about realizing what it means to lose you," he admitted, his voice a low, gravelly murmur. Azriel's jaw tightened, a small sign that betrayed the internal struggle within him. "It's not so simple. The thought of a world without your laughter, your presence....Losing you was the worst of my nightmares coming true. I've always cared, but I let my past dictate my actions, and I was cruel to you because I couldn't bear the thought of history repeating itself. But I was wrong, and I almost lost you because of it."

“What do you mean?”

You had unconsciously leaned in closer to him and he swallowed audibly at the intensity in your eyes —obsidian black that sometimes showed swirls of violet and blue. Like lightning striking the midnight sky. They were a rare sight, a beautiful one, he knew that only happened when you felt too much. The telltale sign of the emotions you were so desperately trying to hold back from reaching him.  

“I will tell you everything you want to know, in time. I will lay my heart down for you to step on if you wish. But I believe that is a conversation on its own, I wish to explain everything to you and I don’t think I can do it tonight.” He looked almost pleading. “There’s nothing that can excuse the way I treated you, I’ve been a coward, and an asshole and you have every damn right to be angry with me, to hate me. That much I understand. I just hope you’d be willing to listen when the time’s right.” 

You supposed it was fair. It still made you uneasy and you pulled back a little, ignoring the hurt that flashed through his eyes. Given how strained your relationship was, you guessed it was normal he was still doubtful about sharing too much too soon. You weren’t that willing to particularly share much of yourself yet, if ever. 

Gods, you wished you could rage about everything that has happened, and hated the way his words had soothe an ache in your heart you were making an effort not to acknowledge. 

Time. It would take time to heal, and trust, and effort on both sides to make this work. Whatever this white flag he had weaved tonight meant. You knew it was the right call to make, for the sake of everyone, to try and make amends. That didn’t mean it was going to be easy, some things were too deeply engraved in your heart to let go. 

Did it make you a weak, spineless female to want to give in to him? What was the cost of it? 

“Alright,” you muttered, standing to your feet, Azriel followed you. “If I agree to do this, I’ll need you to be patient. I’m not ready yet to let you in, I still have my doubts about this. I think you understand why. But I want to try to be friends again, that’s as much as I can offer you right now.” 

Friends. That was a lot more than he had dared to ask for, even if in his heart he desired more. It wasn’t about him, nor his desires, it was about you and giving you what you need. So if what you needed from him was friendship, he’ll take it. Make the most of it. 

Azriel nodded, something sparkling to life in his eyes that wasn’t there before. The bond thrummed quietly with emotion. Hope. 

“One step at a time?” you offered, extending your hand to him. 

“One step at a time.” He repeated, taking your hand. 

It was awkward but welcomed, the feeling of something settling within your chest. The mating bond had been neglected for so long that the weight of it felt weird now, as if a missing limb had been spoken into existence. Azriel seemed to notice too, absentmindedly reaching his hand up to rub at his chest. 

You tried not to shudder when he gently tugged at it and opened your mouth to suggest keeping the ends closed for the time being. Unless until you were more comfortable with each other. It was way too intimate and overwhelming otherwise, and that you were not ready for yet. 

“Maybe we should–” you stopped as you felt something warm and thick dripping to your lips. Pressing two fingers to the spot and watching them stained red. Blood. 

Azriel quickly caught up to the movement, body stilling in alert.

“What's wrong?” he asked, stepping closer. 

“I don't know,” A strong pang shot too fast to your head making you gasp and causing you to fall forwards. Azriel’s arms instantly wrapped around your shoulders, holding you to him. His shadows were in a frenzy, surrounding you both while he inspected your face for any signs of injury. 

“Y/N? Talk to me, where does it hurt?” He sounded agitated. 

You could hear Azriel’s voice being muffled and muffled by the second, could feel his warmth and the firm press of his body against yours, but everything was quickly becoming a blurry image. Like some distant dream everything started to fade from sight, the whole scenery changing, twisting and re-adapting. 

Velaris had been replaced for a cold, dark room, the air thick and musty. The sound of crashing waves filling the otherwise silent space. Rusty chains hung wicked and ancient from the stone walls, an iron coffin sitting vacant across from you, open and expectantly waiting for its occupier. You couldn’t move a single muscle, only stare through eyes that were not yours, scent with a foreign nose, the smell of fear, and blood, and immense sadness. 

You blinked twice — or rather this…person whose mind seemed blending with yours did— and gazed down to gauntlet-covered hands. Iron, yet again. There was a slight tremble to this other body, a female’s body, from pain so deep from within her guts and the fire blazing underneath, it rose and rose and rose, flaring until it was pushed down and forced to remain still.

She looked up again, to the lone white wolf lying a few feet away, already watching her. The animal tilted his head to the side as if in contemplation and blinked three times. 

“Are you okay?”

—----------------------------------------------

Sound was the first thing to return to you, hurried, hissing voices coming from somewhere around you. 

“I swear on the Cauldron I'll have their heads on spikes as ornamentations for your throne.”  A low, deep growl laced with intent. You recognized Azriel’s baritone voice from beside you. 

Violet and blue-ish gray greeted you when you finally opened your eyes, immediately recognizing the Town’s House living room.

What in hell had that been? It occurred to you that you had dreamed about her before, the female, recognized the same lemon verbena and crackling embers scent from previous dreams, although never catching a full look at her. Who was she? Was she in danger? Was this a warning? 

Frowning you propped up to your elbows to sit, back resting against the couch’s armrest. Feyre gave you a soft smile, sitting down next to your legs. 

“How are you feeling?” She asked, worry staining her features. 

“I'm fine, just a little dizzy.” You craned your neck back to look at the male standing behind the couch, one of his shadows slipping away to caress your cheek before returning to his master. “What happened?” 

Azriel's honey gaze settled upon you, shoulders sagging a bit from relief at the sight of you awake. “You were unconscious for a few minutes, I flew us back here and called Rhys. I didn't know what to do. Are you sure you're ok?” 

“Yeah, I'm alright. Thank you.” You tried to smile softly but barely managed to slightly lift the corners of your mouth. He nodded, unconvinced. After a moment to cringe, you added, “Whose head are we having on spikes?” 

Silence. 

Rhys cleared his throat. “Your brother’s and Damien’s.” Suddenly the room’s temperature dropped. Feyre shifted uncomfortably in her place. We hadn’t openly discussed the situation yet. “If this is a side effect of whatever they did to you, we need to find the–” 

“It 's not.” you interrupted him. 

It wasn't like you didn't want to find them and finish what had started two centuries ago. But it was your fight, you didn't wish to trouble your family with it. Didn't want Rhys particularly involved out of anyone, he was the reason they came back. Albeit unbeknownst to him. They still lusted after his crown, his throne, they wanted vengeance. Your blood as well as his. 

Azriel stared at you, contemplative. You could sense he wanted to ask more but was debating whether it was pushing a boundary or not. It was all new to the two of you, too fresh to know what was appropriate. 

Fidgeting with your entwined fingers on your lap, you decided to offer some truth. Even if they didn't believe you, even if it sounded crazy. 

“This has happened to me my whole life. It doesn't always knock me unconscious, most of the time it's just dreams.” 

Rhys frowned but it was Azriel who asked, “What sort of dreams are those?” 

“I can't fully explain because most of the time I don't understand them. But it is almost like my mind goes somewhere else, like I share one consciousness with another. A female. Though I haven’t figured that out until tonight. I've seen scraps of her mind, and the places She's been, but I don't know her face.” 

You could practically see the engines in Feyre’s mind working.  She had stayed silent for most of the interaction, paying careful attention to each word. 

“And what happened in this…dream? What did you see?” asked Rhys this time. 

“Not much, she seemed to be in some sort of mausoleum? It was barely lit, few candles here and there. It had to be some isolated place next to the sea, I could hear waves crashing against rock. The air was thick and musty. There was a wolf with her.” 

“Do you think it is possible you're dreaming about someone in the Summer Court?” Azriel caught your attention once more. 

“I don't know, could be. But it feels off. There were chains on the walls…and an iron coffin. But she was alive, I think. Maybe she’s a prisoner?” You turned to Feyre then. “You’ve been there when stealing the Book of Breathings, does this sound familiar? Some place you may have seen?” 

She shook her head. “No it doesn't. That doesn't mean it does not exist, I didn't get to see much of the Summer Court. But why would Tarquin keep an iron coffin?” 

You sighed, rubbing your temples. “I don't know, it doesn't make sense. Why would I be dreaming of a female in the Summer Court? How do I relate to that?” 

“What if they're not dreams, per say, but visions? Like Elain's…” she pursed her lips, deep in thought. 

Azriel tensed beside me, I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. I hadn't seen Elain around that much after Solstice night, coming to think of it. Does he think it's my fault? 

“Hadn't thought of it that way. Honestly, I read too much, since I was a kid. I was convinced my mind made it all up until it started to happen during day time. But either way, I don't think this is the case. I mean, nothing that I dreamt of has happened, and if it did, it didn't involve any of us. So we have no way of knowing about it.” 

“It still bugs me. There has to be some explanation to it. It clearly affects you, I don't believe it's normal that these dreams cause you nosebleeds and make you pass out. What if it gets worse?” Rhys pointed out. 

“Beats me. I know as much as you do.” 

“We’ll have to look into it. Whatever this is, and whoever that person may be. Is there something else you remember?” Azriel's brows were pulled together tightly, but his eyes were gentle when he settled them upon me. 

“I just…one time I recall feeling her, here in Velaris. I — she— saw you two.” You pointed to your high lord and lady. Rhys stilled. “But it was like she was falling from the sky, or rather falling through. You were pregnant with little Nyx.” You told Feyre and turned your head to look at Azriel. “I don't remember much about it. I must have passed out, you found me in the hallway shortly after.” 

Azriel gave a tense nod. “I remember you lying face down on the top of the stairs, your books thrown all over the place. Your nose wasn't bleeding though, I thought you were drunk.” he said apologetically.  

I shrugged. “You didn't know, and I couldn't explain either.” 

“If this is a person that's been here without us knowing, then we must start to investigate immediately.” Rhys cut in. 

“But where do we start?” I asked. 

“I'll see if the wards of Velaris had been tampered with, for starters. Maybe we can find some imprint of magic. In the meantime I’d say you learn about bonds and connections, how they work, check your mental shields. If you have access to her mind then there's a possibility she has access to yours, there has to be a link somewhere.” 

“Alright, I'll start to look into it right away. There has to be something in the library about mental connections.” 

“You should rest now.” Azriel placed a hand on my shoulder. “I'll help with the research tomorrow. We can go to the library after training the Valkyries. If that's okay with you.” 

You nodded and relaxed a little. Ignoring the warmth that his touch had spread across your back. 

“Yeah, it's fine. Tomorrow then.” 

—---------------------------------------------------

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[witchersoldier]

To Whatever End

jj maybank x routledge!reader

SUMMARY: JJ loves you. But instead of just saying it, he reads your favorite books.

WARNINGS: (+16) kinda blasphemy but not really, reader reads sjm, guys forcing themselves on reader, drinking, rushed writing, not proof read (i just never do it) and that's all I guess. let me know if I missed something.

WORD COUNT: 1.9k

AUTHORS NOTE: this is my first jj fic, hope that's okay and not all that ooc. i used sarah j maas and her books bc they're just my favorite, if you don't like it just scroll down. english is not my mother tongue.

You can’t remember when you developed a passion for reading, it just happened. Now everywhere you go you carry a book with you, even if there’s absolutely no chance you’ll get to read it. Now, as for JJ, he absolutely remembers when he started to read books.

It was on a Friday last summer; everyone was gathered at the Chateau. John B., Pope and JJ were drinking at the porch while you, Kie and Sarah were down by the dock doing God knows what. When the sound of your laughter reached JJ’s ears he couldn’t help but gravitate towards you, pure admiration and curiosity guiding him. “Hey ladies. Just wanted to check if you still got everything you need down here? You know, drinks and snacks and- what’s that in your hand?” he asked, pointing to the huge book you held open, some phrases highlighted in a pastel red color. “I’m not surprised you don’t know what a book is.” Kiara bickered at the blonde, who scoffed and feigned offense, “I meant is this some kind of bible or some shit like that? It’s just I didn’t picture you as the religious type.” He offered the three girls an innocent smile. You’re one to always have a comeback at the tip of your tongue, but how could you say anything when JJ Maybank was looking down at you with such a pretty smile on his adorable face? “It’s not a bible, it’s fae-” Sarah brought you out of the trance as quickly as JJ put you in it. Was she really about to drop the ‘fae porn’ bomb on him like that? “It’s some shit like that, yeah” you smiled innocently at him, hoping he would just drop the subject. He squinted his eyes in an attempt to read the tittle of the book, but all he got was Sarah J. something and indistinguishable yellow letters. “We’re actually out of beer, will you bring us some?” Kiara asked a devilish smirk on her lips. JJ long forgot that’s the excuse he used to being there with you and not chatting with the guys. “I’m not your waitress, go get it yourself.” When he realized he blew his cover, there was no turning back. Sarah and Kie were already teasing him. “Well, then something else must have brought you here, right?”, “I think it was someone else, Kie.” Sarah nudged your shoulder, you pretended to be so deep in your book to notice the conversation. “More beers coming right up.” The blonde boy barely finished his sentence before sprinting back to where the guys sat.

He didn’t go back with your drinks, instead he sent John B., your brother.

•••

Later that night he unlocked his phone, googling the mysterious “Sarah J” he managed to read from your book earlier. And that’s how it started.

He read the A Court of Thorns and Roses book series. And read it quite fast, for someone who never held a book before. He would never admit it out loud, but he liked it. At first he was just curious about why you got all dodgy when he asked about the book-now he understood why-, but when he got through with the first one, he liked it. Liked to the point where he found himself sneaking into your room when nobody was home, just to see what else you had in your shelf. His eyes landed on the familiar Sarah J. Maas name, and he found a whole new book series. Throne of Glass. The series was huge. He grabbed the “Heir of Fire” one and stared flipping through the pages. Lots of highlighted texts in a color that match the cover, tabs neatly sticking out and some of your thoughts written on the pages. You were so passionate about this, he found it so endearing. JJ would give it a try. For you. And a little bit for him, too.

JJ was dropping hints your way, practically begging for you to catch up on what he’s been doing, but you never seemed to notice. Not when he said “you could rattle the stars, if only you dared” when you were worried about not being enough to get the job you wanted. Or even when he started calling you fireheart –because you reminded him of Aelin. Little did he now that your heart skipped a beat at the nickname.

The time he’s visibly caught your attention while quoting a book, the moment you knew what he was doing, was at a kegger.

You were dancing with Kie trying to enjoy the night, but you couldn’t stop looking at JJ, hoping that maybe this would be the day that he acted on you for real, not just the friendly flirting you were used to. Perhaps you should make the first move, after all he said you could rattle the stars, and you believed him dearly, so maybe you had a chance to rattle his heart. The only obstacle was the beauty he was talking to, looking too smiley for your liking. A drink. That’s what you needed. Then you could try and pour your heart out to him.

You were by the keg getting some more beer when you heard your name being called. Topper and Kelce. A blessing they were at least missing Rafe this time. The three of them always tried to have their way with you, but failing every time because your brother was always there to fight them away. Not tonight. Tonight he was with Sarah, and you were on your own.

Pretending not to hear them, you began walking to the opposite direction they were coming. “Hey Y/N, where are you going? The night is still young.” Exclaimed Topper, grabbing your wrist to stop you from going any further. Kelce came up behind you, his hand on your back pushing you to walk with him now. “Rafe’s moving the party back to his place, we would love it if you could join.” The way Kelce said that to you made you shiver in disgust and fear, Topper let go of your wrist and walked by your side, opposite to where his friend was. Your brain was running wild inside your head, trying to come up with a plan to get out of this situation. They weren’t holding you tight, so if you could just turn around between them fast enough and run back into the crowd, you’d be safe.

You kept walking with them for a few more seconds before making a run for it. And you managed to escape them, only to run into a hard chest. At first you thought it was Rafe, but then you heard his strong voice reverberating in his chest, words that had you gasping for air. “There you are. I’ve been looking for you.” JJ looked into your eyes and you knew he was doing it to make sure you weren’t hurt; he would always search for answers in your eyes. He wrapped his arm around your shoulder protectively and in this moment you felt so safe, like nothing would ever get to you, he would not allow it. “Thank you for finding her for me.” He said softly, it was meant more for you to hear than for Kelce and Topper, who were standing there frustrated.

Before they could say anything or start a fight, you and JJ ran back to into the crowd. You were laughing now, as if the bad situation you were in just a few seconds ago never really happened. “Alright, Rhysand. Is there something you would like to tell me?”.

And JJ told you how he started reading after that day by the dock. You didn’t hide your surprise and didn’t hide how much joy he brought you with just a simple gesture.

Something changed since that day. You and JJ grew closer and closer. You’ve always been close to him, since he was your brother’s best friend, but still you felt like your relationship with him leveled up. And all your friends could see it too. So why can’t any of you make that final move? You felt stuck between the friend zone and a relationship. There was always those lingering touches, hugs that lasted too long, nights you two spent alone talking about your favorite character and couples, but you never talked about your feelings.

That changed the moment he decided to make the most reckless thing in his life.

•••

You and the other pogues -plus Topper, who you barely acknowledged the whole night-, just stole the cross from that train. You were running from the cops in Topper truck when JJ turned around on his bike to create a distraction. You felt your heart go with him as soon as the police car turned to chase him. “Turn the car around” you screamed to no one in particular. There was arguing going on around you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to make out what they were saying, until Topper suddenly turned around and begin racing towards JJ, towards you heart. You remained calm on the outside, but inside you were panicking, you felt like your whole body was shaking. There were so many voices screaming for you to keep focused, and then there was a loud crash, the car stopped. The whole world seemed to stop around you as you looked around to see JJ’s totaled bike, concrete blocks around it and the guy you fell in love with nowhere to be seen.

You jumped out and ran to the bike, desperately looking around. “Where’s JJ?” you pleaded with tears in your eyes. “Where is he?” pacing around, calling for him so lost in your own fear that you didn’t hear groans and footsteps until you were spun around by someone. By him. He looked like he fell off a cliff. He kind of did. JJ’s body was hurting all over, but what hurt most was seeing you crying looking so lost. “Fireheart, why do you cry?” He didn’t mean to quote one of the most heartbreaking scenes of a book in a moment like this, it just came to him naturally. After all, you are his fireheart and he can’t stand to see you cry. His words hit you straight in the heart, you couldn’t speak. So you just moved on automatic, wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing him like your life depended on it. JJ didn’t waste time and kissed you right back, bringing you closer by wrapping his sore arms around your waist. The kiss was the best of the both worlds. Sweet and caring, but filled with desire and a salty taste, coming from your tears still cascading down your cheeks. Breaking apart the kiss was the last thing you wanted right now, but you had to. “Don’t you ever do that again, Maybank. I thought I lost you before I even got the chance to have you” You tried to sound serious and mad, but you couldn’t, happiness filling your bones and sipping out in the form of smiles and soft touches on his hair, now all dusty.

“Don’t worry, I’d never leave you. I’m with you. To whatever end.” He said with that cheeky grin you adored. “I love you, J.” you gave him a quick kiss. “And I love you,” he seemed like he was about to say something else, but you shut him up with a snarky comment. “I swear, if you’re about to say ‘Thorns and all’ I’ll be the one throwing you off the next bridge”.

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

I got caught shoplifting a few weeks ago so Im gonna have a court proceeding (? if thats what you call it in english idk) in a couple hours and Im a little bit nervous but the shit I stole was only worth 7€ and it was my first time getting caught so I dont think it'll be too big of a deal. Honestly Im just glad I didnt get caught while I was stealing ~85€ worth of acotar books, because my punishment would not only be wayyyy harsher it would also just be embarrassing, imagine stealing sjm books when theres so many good books you could steal from a bookstore

Anyway, speaking of acotar books, its livebloggin time. Last time, Feyre and Rhysand came to this cabin in the woods/inn in the middle of nowhere and stayed in a room thats so small that you couldnt even have sex in it and then they had sex. not penetrative sex, they just fingered each other. Which is to say Rhysand fingered her vagina and Feyre fingered his wings because god forbid a man be on the receiving end for anything other than a blowjob. Also, I guess Mor, Cassian and Azriel are somewhere else? I didnt wanna say anything about them being gone bc I just kinda assumed they were staying with Feysand but they seem to be gone. whatever I dont care about those guys anyway

Chapter 49

Feyres internal declarations of love and wanting to be with Rhys forever feel very shallow when you consider the fact that 1) theyve only had like 3 months worth of non-traumatic interactions with eachother, and 2) she thought the exact same way about Tamlin and then she DIED FOR HIM and then she left him after barely half a year

'"You know exactly that I would do anything for my people and my family."' 'Your people' consisting of one (1) city

Feyre's pussy feels slightly raw from getting fingered hours ago?? thats not a good sign.

'"I'm not gonna turn away from you. Not from you," I promised him quietly.' honestly, i can believe that, if you can fully forgive someone for physically torturing and sexually assaulting you after like a month or two you can forgive them anything, I have no idea why Rhys would be worried about that

can you imagine if Rhysand got shot with poisoned arrows and he just died right here. Life could be a dream but alas, I live in a nightmare world

I actually really like Feyre going feral over her love interest like this (even if that love interest is Rhys) I dont we're gonna get much more of that in this series so I shall savour it

Yeah, now that she mentions it, how come one ash arrow was enough to straight up kill Andras but Rhysand gets hit by like a dozen and hes just fine after this. I guess it could be that Feyre shot Andras in the eye so it was more lethal than Rhys getting shot in the back and wings but still, afaik there are no longterm consequences from this, like hes not even gonna have to deal with idk, his back hurting at certain points or something

Im not a fan of Feyre being so murderhappy now when she was reluctant to even kill animals at the start of this book, like at a certain point Im not so much bothered by Feyre's character being retconned from ACOTAR but her character from start of ACOMAF

Damn I didnt think the sex would be anything other than a pointless diversion, but here it is, being plot relevant

How come these guys have been torturing him by just stringing him up and leaving the arrows while they whip him, if I was an evil torturer and had just gotten my hands on a guy with wings Im sawing those badboys off immediately. or should i say batboys ahahahha.hahha

Oh, just a splinter of ashwood can he deadly but of course Rhysand is gonna be pretty much fine after being impaled with seven whole arrows

'"And Elain would love [Velaris], I'm sure of it. Although she would probably cling to Azriel the whole time, looking for safety."' smth about that line feels icky to me, I think its the fact that I dont think Elain actually properly interacted with Azriel at this point and also, Velaris is a perfect paradisical city what on earth would she need his protection for there

ughhhh all this bullshit with the dresser is so unbearably annoying

I guess I'll see how this all actually pans out next chapter, but right now I gotta say I dont like the fact that Rhysand's wounds just heal on their own, I couldve used some good whump with him. And Im not just saying that because I dont like him and Im a sadistic little bitch, even though both of those things are true, Im saying this because I think seeing him in a vulnerable position for an extended time would make me like him more

[gwyns]

Elain : canon that she doesn’t like violence

E/riel’s : aesthetic, fanart and headcanons of her dressed in Illyrian leathers, or wielding a sword, or covered in blood, or is secretly a spy for the Night Court.

I saw someone say that Elain would clean the blood off of Azriel after he comes home from a mission. Or that they want a scene in the next ACOTAR book of Azriel beating someone up, covered in blood, and Elain bites her lip and is like “that’s hot” ?? It’s canon that she doesn’t like violence. Didn’t she vomit after the battle in ACOWAR? And her being a spy doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t fit her character in canon. Wouldn’t we have got something of that in Az’s bonus chapter if she was training to be a spy or if she had spy like qualities?

If SJM holds a live stream interview where questions are allowed, I lowkey want someone to ask her if she’s ever thought about making Elain a spy or how she feels about blood and violence. Idk if SJM would say anything but *shrugs shoulders*

E/riel’s complain that Gwynriel’s put down Elain for being feminine, for her love of baking and gardening, but I’ve seen countless fanart of Elain as a warrior/spy and headcanons of Elain liking violence/blood. Not to say there aren’t some Gwynriel’s who’ve said that (I personally haven’t seen any) but it seems like E/riel’s are the ones reaching. Making their view of Elain different from canon.

why do they think elain would be ok around blood like that? even feyre, someone who has seen proper battle and killed people, doesn't like it. feyre doesn't like being around torture either but somehow elain would?? hey e/riels... BE REAL, please, for one second

and like??? elain would never, ever, in a million, BILLION years find az beating someone up "hot". not when she practically begged her sisters to leave graysen alone. hell, sjm has never really done that in general, clearly she doesn't like it either lmfao

oh god please i would love for sjm to shut down their little spy theories. anyone remember a couple of years ago how they were so confident that e/riel would be a sleeping beauty retelling but then in an interview sjm said she doesn't like that movie or even let her son watch it and suddenly they pivoted to something else?? i have never laughed so hard

ok let's look at this way: if elain has to change so much, literally a complete overhaul of her canon character, to fit with az... why wouldn't sjm just write a new, more well suited character? that'd be less of a headache... oh but wait! she did!! miss gwyneth berdara would like a word. for a fandom that claims to love and respect elain when others don't, they sure do try to turn her into someone else and then project that onto gwyn stans, claiming we're self inserting and wanting her to be elain when i have never, not once, seen a gwyn stan want gwyn to be any different

i have unfortunately seen some weird and toxic gwynriels but weird and toxic e/riels far out number them. oh and for the record, i've never seen or heard of gwynriels stealing art, doxing people, harassing sjm's irl friends and publisher, faking cancer, or telling sjm they'd harm her child if they didn't get their way so... really it's like comparing apples to oranges

anyway (most) e/riels suck and gwynriels, alongside eluciens, are literally the glue that holds this fandom together. i love you all even if this fandom is a cesspit most of the time, thank you for making this a fun space <3

[nightcourtreader]

So SJM herself stated in the today interview that she thought about going the captain America civil war route for HOFAS, if you don’t know marvel, it just means all these different characters from different places come together to fight. But instead she said she’s labeling it as spider man: homecoming when it came to HOFAS. Whereas Bryce is “spider man” and nesta & Azriel are “iron man” in the terms of Bryce & CC still being the main focus of HOFAS but nesta & Azriel are helping Bryce’s journey.

If that’s the case, I honestly don’t see SJM using any future acotar or crescent city books as multiverses or using them to set up multiverses. Because what would there be a reason to? There’s not another reason as to why any other characters should go to different worlds. SJM made it clear as to why Bryce should go to the night court, but with anyone else she didn’t make it clear that they should travel outside of their respective worlds.

She obviously wants the main focus to stay on the characters she’s writing about not about the different worlds they travel to. And if she did do the multiverse thing, I’m pretty sure she’ll do that in a brand new series, like that twilight of the god series that people have been talking about when everything in the acotar universe is established enough already. Acotar has enough problems in their universe already than to worry about forces outside of their universe.

We know after this next acotar book, she already has plans to write another book, that a lot of people, me included think it might be related to TOG. Maybe if she writes that, it can open up a multiverse since we haven’t gotten anything from tog in years and she would need to open that door to mingle worlds 👀.

[thrumbolt]

Top 10 ways to make Rhysand's death more impactful! Nr. 6 will shock you!

1. He's not human so it doesn't work. If you really want him back make that the plot of book 4! You can do genderflipped Orpheus and Eurydice since SJM likes existing stories as her base...

2. He revives but loses his high lord status as the power moves to someone else while he was dead, maybe even Feyre (then the whole high lady stuff will actually mean something! Amazing!)

3. He revives but now owes a fae gratitude debt to everyone who revived him (especially Tamlin).

4. He just stays dead dead DEAD!!

5. He loses SOMETHING in the process. His wings, a limb, his ability to procreate, ANYTHING!

6. He dies and wakes up in Crescent City (ew I hate it)

7. His death experience gives him Feyre style PTSD (Optional: He now blames her for everything she didn't do and runs off to be with Tamlin by the end)

8. The ordeal drastically shortens his lifespan. You get him back, but he now age's like a human, enjoy your remaining 80 years!

9. He comes back wrong™. Amnesia, posessed, off, anything!

10. Idk but I'm not over the fact that no high lord holds it over his head. He'd be dead if it wasn't for them and he feels basically no gratitude at least give him political consequences gods

[komoonyoungah]

ACOTAR theory

I need to get this out of my head but I don’t know where to go with it so I’m going to put it here

I read ACOSF back in February and it’s almost October now and I still can’t shake off the feeling that all the previous books have been leading up to this one. Like this isn’t a spin-off but the main event. Like everything that happened with Feyre was child’s play to prepare for Nesta’s takeover not as the FMC but as the High Queen. Hear me out.

I’m sure Nesta will build the Valkyrie. She already has the mightiest general of Illyria at her side. She has Gwyn and Emerie who, let’s face it, are the strongest baddest females of the series. If Azriel ends up with Gwyn (fingers crossed) she’ll have him and his shadows too. If Mor and Emerie do become a thing, she’ll have her too. The main forces will naturally shift to her. All Rhys will be left with is powerless Amren and Elain and her gardens. Not to mention a baby and a birth-weakened Feyre.

But more importantly than all of that, it was Nesta who executed every life or death moment when it mattered even before the proper character development.

It wasn’t Rhysand who killed Hybern. Nesta did.

It wasn’t Rhysand who killed Briallyn. Nesta did.

It wasn’t Rhysand who defeated the cauldron, Nesta did.

It wasn’t Rhysand who the Dread Trove revealed itself to, Nesta was.

It wasn’t Rhysand who made the Great weapons, Nesta did.

In ACOSF when the blacksmith brings the weapons to Rhys and Amren tries to convince him to use them, he says “I was born with my powers. I didn’t earn them.” I wholeheartedly agree. He never done anything to earn him his position. Whereas Nesta is actively building herself (to become a leader imo). She said she doesn’t want to be a weapon for someone else. That she wants to wield her power herself and lead others—presumably the Valkyrie. She’s constantly learning and discovering and leading from literal scratch. Worse than scratch. She’s starting from dust particles.

On top of all that, while Rhys’s abilities are impressive and all that, his is merely fancy magic. Nesta, on the other hand, is basically god. She TOOK from the cauldron with her teeth and imbued herself with their gods essence. Nesta is the only character in the series who has a personal one on one conversations with the Mother. She *negotiates* with the gods directly. They all pray and hope. She has a direct hotline to them.

All of this can’t be meaningless.

This is just my theory but I’d be so disappointed if SJM reduces Nesta to a mere weapon for Rhys because this fandom is horny. Nesta Archeron has the potential to be the greatest feminist icon ever written only if SJM doesn’t heed the Feysand cheer squad.

[deeaselriel]

Everyone has been treating Elriels SO BAD and disgustingly over the years, and when we defend ourselves we are painted as the “mEaN gUyS”. I’d dare to say that we are the “saints” of this fandom. I know there are some Elriels that can come off more rude than they should, but this is life. Nothing is perfect.

But a hard pill for y’all to swallow is that Elriels are usually soooo peaceful, minding their business and just enjoying their CANON content. They create edits, fan arts and post about Elriel not harming anyone, but then YOU KNOW WHO comes after us, ON OUR ACCOUNTS, ON OUR PRO ELRIEL VIDEOS, PICS OR THEORIES, that have absolutely NOTHING to do with their crackship(s), and spew their venom. They speak so many lies that don’t even come close to what is the CANON content of the books. They insult us and call us names, they bullied some creators SO BADLY they refuse to do Elriel fan arts anymore. YOU ALL ARE DISGUSTING AND I PRAY TO GOD FOR KARMA TO HIT SO HARD! I myself was a victim of y’all’s bullying when I did NOTHING! I just appreciated my Elriel and put facts on the table. Y’all told me I deserve to be R@PED just like Elain deserves!!!!

We, Elriels, have been put in a corner by THE ENTIRE FANDOM! This mob mentality made y’all treat Elriels like people with some kind of disease and it’s so sad honestly.

I’m not even being biased when I say that Elriels are usually very good people minding their business and the other stans of those 2 ships (y’all know) are constantly attacking us and making fun of us out of nowhere. They keep making content about Elain making fun of her, but yeah, they don’t like her. Lol. Y’all are so obsessed and have such internalized misogyny it’s scary. Especially when El didn’t do anything wrong, besides maybe the thing with Feyre that she’s making up for it. She’s a saint compared to many others in that serie, yet… she’s hated for liking to bake and plant flowers. Make it make sense. 😶

I think it’ll be ok for everyone to acknowledge WHO exactly is the most toxic in this fandom; who’s constantly attacking us for PUTTING FACTS on the table, who’s bullying artists into being scared to draw Elriel anymore, who’s harassing SJM at this point with a crackship that has 0 buildup. WHO IS SENDING DEATH THREATS to people so randomly just because, who is wishing R@PE on REAL people? The list is so long I just can’t…

I always knew that the mob mentality is forever going to be present, but OH MY GOD. These people that hate Elriel and ship the other ship just because “everyone does”, those going into the books already shipping Gw*nriel because “some content creators of TikTok said they’re sooooo endgame”, THOSE BIG ACCOUNTS THAT SPREAD ELAIN HATE JUST BECAUSE IT’S “TRENDY”. Y’all are SO pathetic; I wonder if you can think on your own.

Should I also talk about how often y’all don’t acknowledge what’s in those books related to Elriel? There are tons of evidence y’all pretend it’s not there and have THE NERVE to say Az only wants El for s*x. Bro, Feyre when she couldn’t read would’ve understand these books (and Elriel) better than y’all. 🤓 The delusional world y’all live in makes me laugh. What’s even funnier is when you are the ones making fun of US, when we have all our proof that Stands with us. WE ARE ON THE CANON SIDE, if we can say it this way.

Literally at this point, STOP being so toxic, and let Elriels IN PEACE. Acknowledge that Az and El have feelings for each other and that EVERYTHING points to them as endgame, and even SJM herself said that “it’s obvious”. None of us would’ve have any problem if y’all only acknowledged that Elriel is for the next book, and then go on with your day and make X head canon ships. It’s not harming to ship Az with someone else for fun, but when it comes to the ACTUAL BOOK & CANON, the answer it’s only Elriel. Just stop lying to yourselves. And stop playing the victim when Elriels have been like in prison for many years, being pushed aside and all. WE ARE THE VICTIMS OF THIS WHOLE FANDOM. The fact that I’m scared to even write a comment positive about Elriel or my girl Elain because I just know someone’s gonna say something “ironic” or bash me for whatever reason, says A LOT. And it’s the case for soooo many Elriels.

One last thing, I know we are reading fantasy books, but at least don’t make a fantasy of a couple the main talk of this fandom, lol. The couple should actually have “history”, build up & hints/ foreshadowing. CANON SCENES. And only Elriel has them. BYE. 🩷🌸💙🦇

[writerloversjm]

SJM Universe modern AU

Part 1 (It is currently in publication order)

Inspired by:

⚠️ English is not my first language, please be patient, if there's anything wrong let me know ⚠️

N/a: I've been here for some time but I've never written anything on this network, this is my first attempt, I hope you like it.

Azriel x reader

Summary: Y/n ends a relationship after being proposed and of course, haters come from everywhere.

Warnings: Idiot people on the internet, end of relationship, Az being perfect and I think only.

Y/n, Aelin, Rowan, Lydia = Actor/Actress

Azriel, Gwyn = Singer

Cassian, Morrigan, Ruhn = Influencers

Feyra, Manon, Fenrys, Dorian = Models

Rhysand, Nesta, Aidas, Hunt = CEO's

Bryce = Dancer

________________

youruser

Liked by aelingalathynius1, lidia.cervos, rhysand_darling and 3,748,500 others

Y/n_ I was never ready, so I watch you go. Sometimes you just don't know the answer, 'Til someone's on their knees and asks you. "She She would've made such a lovely bride what a shame she's fucked in the head," they said.

38,684 comments

username I CAN'T BELIEVE! My favorite couple is gone?

the_morrigan Open the door, I brought pizza and ice cream

username 💔💔

aidas_hell'sprince Y/n can you give me ideas for a new book?

Y/n_ no you idiot

username I knew it, Azriel is too good for you

manonblackbeak_ said the envious

username I don't believe in love anymore, they were so perfect 😭

username Az's next album is going to be so sad ☹️

feyraarcheron_ I'm coming with the wine

rhysand_darling Is that why my cellar was robbed Feyra darling?

________________

ErileaNews

Liked by ruhndannan, youruser, rhysand_darling, the_morrigan and 8,474,849 others

ErileaNews Singer Azriel speaks out for the first time after the breakup announcement with actress S/n. "We're not always on the same page in a relationship, sometimes it's better to take a step back than spend a lifetime regretting it."

85,856 comments

lidia.cervos @shadow_azriel is every woman's goal

ruhndannan let's talk when I arrive at home day

username he protecting her from haters 🥺🥺

rowan.gossipdove still can't believe they broke up

feyraarcheron_ yeah, by the way, did you see what a fuss there was at the Autumnal Court when Helion showed up to claim the Autumnal Lady as a partner?

username Azriel never deserved her, she just used it to get a name

shadow_azriel shut up, you don't know about what are you talking about

fenrys_ wish they were done? No, but I'm loving the entertainment.

aidas_hell'sprince there are two

username we are three

nesthaarcheron_ are three idiots, that's right

username Y/n was an idiot, I sure was cheating on him, no one would break up with him

bryce.starred 😒🙄

rhysand_darling @shadow_azriel @cassiancrosfiteiro we are going out drinking tonight

________________

shadow_azriel

Liked by youruser, ruhndannan, the_morrigan, aelingalathynius1 and 5,793,868 others

shadow_ azriel Good things often come from difficult circumstances. My new album Memories is already in the writing process.

74,628 comments

feyraarcheron_ can't wait to hear

username OH MY GOD!!!

username She breaks up with him and even gets an album, aff

dorian_havilliard Why are there so many idiotic people in the world?

username 😻😻

manonblackbeak_ God, I barely got used to @aelingalathynius1 listening to your latest album and you're about to release another one

username Y/n was good for one thing at least

nesthaarcheron_ why can't y'all leave her the fuck alone?

aidas_hell'sprince Finally, the loss of a broken heart

youruser why are you always so unnecessary?

username I don't believe we will have new songs. Congratulations @shadow_azriel

youruser My congratulations Az, may you continue to grow

shadow_azriel ❤️

lidia.cervos I made myself that I will be able to hear a straw before everyone else 🥺🤫

cassiancrosfiteiro Please, just stop playing at 3 am, I need to sleep

rhysand_darling Like you don't get up at 5 to train

username Am I going crazy or did Y/n have the nerve to come comment here?

aelingalathynius1 She doesn't feel ready to get married doesn't mean he's not important to her.

youruser Aelin is not worth it

bryce.starred @aelingalathynius1 Ah, if I were you I'd break her face

username 🎶❤️

________________

the_morrigan

Liked by youruser, manonbiconegro, lidia.cervos and others 2,757,500

the_morrigan Night with my girls @manonblackbeak_ @feyraarcheron_ @lidia.cervos @seuuser and @aelingalathynius1

36,525 comments

lidia.cervos We can't forget about our dear @aidas_hell'sprince needy in the form of a cat

aidas_hell'sprince Are you going crazy?

youruser Did you really think we wouldn't know it was you?

username A lot of hot women in the same photo

username Y/n shouldn't be there

aidas_hell'sprince Not you either, but look at that thing

aelingalathynius1 Yeah, look how these idiots on the internet hit us

username When will a new video be released on the channel?

the_morrigan coming soon

fenrys Now I want a night like this too @rowan.gossipdove

rowan.gossipdove Rhysand is already providing our skin care products

username Y/n is a 🐍🐍🐍

username 🐍🐍🐍🐍

username 🐍🐍

username 🐍🐍🐍

________________

youruser

Liked by bryce.starred, shadow_azriel, feyraarcheron and 1,756,384 others

Y/n_ Fuck the haters, I definitely am in my 🐍 Era Reputation🐍

Comments have been limited

aelingalathynius1 🔥🔥in haters

rhysand_darling Learned right from the master

cassiancrosfiteiro Y/n entering her hottest era in 3, 2, 1...

lidia.cervos 🔥❤️

username Now the haters cry

aidas_hell'sprince learned from the master, part 2

________________

[tadpolesonalgae]

okay, so this isn't a recommendation or like an attempt to sway what ur planning for the plot of cbmthy... more like, ik this will be very unlikely to happen but i like to ✨️imagine✨️ so treat it more like a silly au thought 🫢🫢

but anyways, i think it would be soooooooooo 🤌 delicious in terms of angst if, in cbmthy, az starts falling in love with reader and he realizes that. but before he can express his feelings or do anything about it, the mating bond snaps between them. bc you Know our insecure & high key depressed girlie is Not gonna ever believe he actually loves her. like i headcanon cbmthy azriel as someone who desperately strives for a romantic partner but he also doesn't think he's deserving of it for his own self esteem issues (and thus probably why he keeps going after "unavailable" females knowing that it will be unlikely to work out). and finally, FINALLY he gets the literal Sign From God™️ that he is meant to love and be loved by someone. and even though there was some.. not so great moments between them he'll still want to Try and make it work bc he's in love with her and they're literally mates.

but in reader's perspective it'll just look like he suddenly has an interest in her bc of the bond and she'll constantly question if he truly loves her (bc even tho i did perceive it as a heat of the moment slip up from him, the "if you were half the female [your sister] is" and "you think you're deserving of me?" comment would haunt me forever if someone said that to me, let alone someone i have a Crush on 😭). like az would do all these romantic gestures in attempting to convince her of his affections and it'll just upset her more. bc to her, the only logical reason he's acting like this is because of the bond, and she's convinced that if his mate was literally anyone else, he wouldn't bat an eye towards her. like.. combined with her insecurity about beauty (comparing herself to mor or elain) that we've alr seen, anything he does will just solidify her disbelief of his love.

can u imagine the devestation of hoping for a lover ur whole life and it turns out the person who was destined to be Exactly That will never believe ur love bc u (whether intended or not) fucked it up.... the mistrust. the miscommunication. the angstttttttt omg.

sorry im literally writing fanfic of ur fanfic at this point lmao 😭😭 anyways ty for listening to my rambling 😔

‘ik this will be very unlikely to happen but i like to ✨️imagine✨️ so treat it more like a silly au thought 🫢🫢’

Girl I’m going to be honest there have been quite a few points where the paths for cbmthy have severely diverged from my original plan and I’ve considered writing aus that explore them just to commemorate them (once cbmthy is entirely finished up, of course 🫣) so I’m delighted getting to hear your ideas on it!!

‘but before he can express his feelings or do anything about it, the mating bond snaps between them.’

Okayyy, so as the actual reader we would know Az’s feelings were true and were already present before the bond snapped into place, but because he hadn’t voiced them beforehand reader/‘you’ would doubt the sincerity of his feelings upon deciding to voice them? Poor reader 😭

‘like i headcanon cbmthy azriel as someone who desperately strives for a romantic partner but he also doesn't think he's deserving of it for his own self esteem issues’

I strongly agree with you there! I’m really hoping sjm treats his mentality well because I think it would also be a good chance not just to address mental health and self esteem issues on their own but also men’s mental health? Chaol’s arc in ToG (ToD) is probably one of my favourite because it felt so genuine to me, so I hope Az gets one like his, or Feyre’s, or Nesta’s 🧡💛

‘but in reader's perspective it'll just look like he suddenly has an interest in her bc of the bond and she'll constantly question if he truly loves her’

Nooo so she’d be living with this constant doubt and on top of all her own problems and she’d have be locked in a perpetual battle with her own mind on how genuine his emotions are? 😭😭

‘bc even tho i did perceive it as a heat of the moment slip up from him, the "if you were half the female [your sister] is" and "you think you're deserving of me?" comment would haunt me forever if someone said that to me, let alone someone i have a Crush on 😭’

He did kind of—intentionally or not—cut right to her bones with those comments huh? 🫢

‘can u imagine the devestation of hoping for a lover ur whole life and it turns out the person who was destined to be Exactly That will never believe ur love bc u (whether intended or not) fucked it up....’

Stop I hadn’t considered the angst from Azriel’s side!! I suppose I write from reader’s perspective so frequently and her and Az have been (in a way) quite cold to one another (maybe awkward is a better word?) that I hadn’t thought what would happen if a mating bond happened and what that would mean for Az 😭

‘sorry im literally writing fanfic of ur fanfic at this point lmao 😭😭 anyways ty for listening to my rambling 😔’

No it’s so fun to hear!! Really it’s such a heartwarming experience that you enjoy cbmthy enough to be so involved with it, it means so much to me so thank you ☹️🫂

Okay, so my thoughts on this—if I’m honest, I think I’m familiar for the most part with how cbmthy is going to conclude? There are still many things I need to fine-tune since there’s a large chunk of story still to tell, but for the most part the different paths I’ve taken up to this point I’ve chosen due to my own writing capabilities (or what I think they are)? Like you said, I think this would be great for a one shot, and it was a path I’d actually considered to some extent, but personally I don’t think I’d be able to successfully write reader recovering if a mating bond snapped before Azriel got a chance to tell her about his feelings which is why that won’t be happening in the main story :)

That being said, I would like to explore those sides of things on a smaller, more controlled level? For example instead of it being a mating bond, now that reader’s magic has come out so obviously I think that’s something reader will struggle with, plus one other subplot that’ll finally come to light at the end of Ch. 15 which reader might speculate is affecting how Az acts around her in future parts!

Either way I’m looking forward to when the next part is finally complete since it’s taking me ages 😭🧡💛 I’m also excited to see how you’ll react to it and what you’ll make of different character’s choices!

[ae-neon]

“And sjm loves to use Feyre to make these worldbuilding assessments when Feyre doesn't know anything about the world to back this up” SHE DOES. Why oh why did Sarah make Feyre so damn annoying?

And it's so easily fixed too?

Just have someone else say or prove it? Have Feyre learn about the armies in the Spring Court then the armies in the Night Court and make a guess.

But she doesn't, she runs around saying X is more powerful than Y, Rhys suffered more than anyone, Illyrians are brute savages, Tarquin is arrogant for considering himself Rhys and Amren's equal?? Wonder if she applied that logic to herself?? Things she literally just doesn't know

And the funniest thing of all is that sjm and the canon will turn around and prove Feyre wrong but she never learns???

She thought she knew Nesta in acotar, was proven wrong but by acomaf Feyre has amnesia

Literally in the time she (and the audience) spends with Tarquin, it's easy to see he's probably the morally best HL and that if Rhys approached him for an alliance, he would agree. They might not get the book that instance or without agreeing to take someone like Varian or Cresseida with, but that's fair?!

And she still chooses to steal for a man and a court it's, at that point, obvious MAKES themselves untrustworthy - earns their own reputation and then doesn't understand why people don't like them???

But Rhysand is all about trust when it comes to the mortal queens he has no intel on. What a fucking buffoon. He's Boris Johnson with hair dye.

I think Nesta even pointed this out when she refused to sell her story to the HLs, the Night Court puts itself in the shit then complains it stinks and that other people say they smell

THEY called the HL meeting then acted like they were too cool to be there?? And were the only ones who couldn't keep the inevitable clash verbal??

GOD THESE FUCKING CLOWNS ARE 500 YEARS OLD ELON WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING

Whyyyyyyyy were Cassian and Azriel even in the fucking roooooom????? THEY ARE IRRELEVANT NOBODIES. your friends don't get to sit in on UN council meetings

Lemme stop cause I can feel myself getting actually angry lol

[azsazz]

CC3 Anon

spoilers under cut

Hiii it’s CC anon. THANK GOD YOU RESPONDED NO ONE ELSE I KNOW IS READING THIS BOOK 😭

I finished CC3 last night and yeah. I enjoyed the pacing at the beginning of this book more than the first two books because we’re already in the thick of the climax and don’t have to build up suspense again but omg it dragged in the middle.

I did not care for Ithan at all I’m sorry. And yes he hasn’t been a pro sun all player in YEARS idk why she keeps bringing it up. I think someone stumbled and he caught her and Sarah went “his sunball reflexes” HES A WOLF HE WAS ALWAYS GOING TO HAVE QUICK REFLEXES. Had him running up and down to resurrect Sigrid and in the end it DIDNT EVEN MATTER.

Lmaoooo Ithan mostly acted ago appropriate if I think about it. He's like 20 I'm assuming since he's around college age. He's def not my favorite character either tbh. Love how everything fell into his lap tho. Literally anytime he was mentioned so was snuball it was so fucking dumb.

I know you like Tharion but can he do anything right omg. Ithan carried him with the Viper Queen. Sathia carried him in front of the Ocean Queen 😭 I WAS SO PISSED ABOUT THE ANTIDOTES OMG and then Ithan went and did the same. I see why they are best friends like wow stupid really follows stupid.

LMAO I love Tharion, yes he'd definitely dumb and needs to make better decisions but I liked how witty he was in the first book. He really needs to stop with the whole woe is me act tho. omg the antidotes shit don't even get me started. half of the stuff that she wrote for the book didn't even matter in the end. like, we could've cut this damn book down 300 pages tbh, nothing would've been missed because nothing made sense even.

I don’t hate Bryce. She did annoy me though. I hated when Aelin wouldn’t tell people about her plans and could not stand it from Bryce here. Her yelling at Hunt about having to face the consequences of their actions. I’m like dude you went to another world and came back powered up. Hunt stayed and was tortured brutally like what? I know why she doesn’t want him to have guilt about it but it’s his 3rd time going through this and failing. And now he has more to lose. Of course he would be feeling a type of way.

I do not like her at all lol. The whole not telling people plans things pissed me off because her loud mouth is not like that. AND THEN SHE HAS THE AUDACITY TO TELL HUNT "OH YOU DONT EVEN WANT TO BE HERE" girl maybe if you told someone the fuckin plan they would feel a bit more confident about going through with it for fucks sake. she's a mean girl and i can't stand her and i don't think she's funny at all she is so cringe to me haha. HUNT HAS ALREADY TRIED GOING AGAINST THE ASTERI AND HE WAS TORTURED FOR 200 YEARS?! Then he gets freed and has to do it all over again?! Like, why are we yelling at this man? of course he's weary.

I’m not the biggest fan of her swagger at times. Like sometimes we don’t need the quippy (read: unfunny) one liners :/

LITERALLY

The STAKES???? Bryce should’ve stayed dead! It would have been a lot more impactful. Even the torturing scenes kind of didn’t hit as much after the fact cause everyone can just regrow their limbs and be fine. No one had a single nightmare about what happened to them? I thought we would see something like that beyond “a glimmer of darkness in his eyes” idk :/

The entire "someone dying only to be brought to life on the next page" has definitely fucking worn off now but sjm apparently can't see that. she created a world with 50+ characters only to not use half of them when it matters. so stupid. Also, i don't remember them being able to regrow limbs tbh.

Maybe the book would’ve been too long but I was genuinely shocked we didn’t get more scenes of anyone on the actual battlefield. We were mostly in the palace after Bryce and Hunt teleported, and then the moment with Lidia and the sprites. But maybe the book would’ve been too toooo long idk.

Yeah there really was only like 60 pages of the end scene. but as soon as i saw the word space i actually almost DNFd it because what the actual fuck was that.

I will say I really like how the male friendships are genuine. I honestly can’t tell you that Bryce, Fury, and June are friends LMAO. (I’m exaggerating but I do kinda agree with this) .

Yeah, i love Ruhn, dec, and flynn's relationship. i think sjm tries to be like "oh yeah girl power, strong fmc's" but there's no women in the books? and they all don't like each other? like danika, bryce, fury, and juniper seemed like mean girls? girls that didn't give a fuck about anyone else? idk. the way that the men to women ratio in her books is very interesting to me. and the fack that EVERY man that comes across bryce thinks she's the most gorgeous girl to have ever lived...fuck off with that logic.

My girl Jesiba :////// She was my favorite for sure. I'm indifferent about her lol. Her entire storyline i feel was just made up like two months ago so she could connect to the other series lol

I do agree with what you said about Bryce (I legit almost wrote Aelin LMFAO) . I was not expecting her to just say no rulers for the Fae at all. But I guess a Senate would be more democratic.

SO STUPID. The Senate (starwars)

Im sure there will be a fourth book but I am so uninterested in Tharion and Ariadne like who caresssssssss. If Im interested in Ithan, it’s because I want to see more Perry. I wonder how connected this world and ACOTAR will remain.

I honestly hope it ends at 4 books. I think that would be a perfect ending because there's four houses. no need for more im already sick of it. yeah i liked perry too. i hope they're no longer connected lol.

Ruhn and Lidia :) but HE LEGIT SHOT HER?? I know she was acting irrationally because of her sons and he wanted to make sure she didn’t get herself killed but then he shot her. Like okay 😭. I think my favorite couples are Bryce’s parents and Lidia and Ruhn. Ruhn just seems so hot 😭.

Ruhn is a winner for sure for sure.

I’m writing too much and I’m scared this app will just shut down so I’ll quit here. I still think the first book is the worst one in this series. But I had fun with this one (despite my hang ups) and I’m glad it’s over (for now :/).

THANKS FOR LETTING ME RANT!!!

THANKS FOR LETTING ME RANT TOO!

CC anon!! I went to goodreads to read reviews of the book and I genuinely cannot believe how many 5 star ratings this book got. I mean, I can and can’t believe it. Atp anything Sarah puts out will average at least a 4 star rating on there and sell a crap ton.

I think people just give her that rating because she's popular, not because they read lol. oh yeah, why do you think she released 5 different bonus chapters. talk about a greedy cash grab. that mentality kinda makes me sick im not even going to lie.

I was reading through the 2-star reviews and someone mentioned their shock at how quickly Ruhn and Lidia resolved their issues which I totally agree with. She said she hated him and would never forgive him for what he did, and she was right! I know why Ruhn did it, but I genuinely still cannot believe he actually shot her, even if she was gonna be okay. That’s a terrible time to be worrying about a wound like that when you want to be at full strength to fight for your children.

Yeah half of the plot lines felt stupid? like what? he couldn't have stopped her any other way...really? i feel like she did not think this book through as well as she thought she did tbh. seems to be her thing these days.

(Even when Hunt said he hated Bryce for stopping him from killing Celestina, I was like Oh!)

OMG THAT WAS ACTUALLY WILD. YEAH OKAY. I TOTALLY BELIEVE THEY'RE MATES.

The reviewer said Sarah should have left their relationship on the rocks so we could get Ruhn groveling in the fourth book, and I can’t get that idea out of my head. ESPECIALLY with their bonus scene. Idk if you’ve read it but I was like ??? I like them as a couple and I like their story, but it did seem like it was all patched up insanely quickly. Like if you shot me then the very LEAST you could do is get my kids to safety. That alone would not necessarily make me forgive you.

I didn't read their bonus chapter but i can't believe they moved in with each other literally after like two days of knowing each other in real life. bro, you just found out she has two kids? you don't know the woman at all lol. no, everyone has to have a happy ending by the last page of the book or else. lol. no suspense.

[acourtofthought]

Cassian nodded tightly. “I don’t think even the Carver knows what Nesta is. But I wanted to see—just in case.”

“Did you know he was a death-god?” Cassian’s face was taut. “I guessed.” When I lifted a brow, he clarified, “He carves deaths into bones. Sees them. Enjoys them. It wasn’t hard to figure out.” I considered. “Was it you or Rhys who suggested you come here with me?” “I wanted to come. But Rhys … he guessed it, too.”. “Would you be frightened of her, if Nesta was—Death? Or if her power came from it?”

Cassian wasn't certain what Nesta's powers were so he went to the Bone Carver to look for answers. Which we're told doesn't even give them the answers their looking for. He says BOTH he and Rhys GUESSED the Bone Carver was a Death God and that there was a possibility of Nesta having the same power because of what they had seen in her eyes.

Based on the Anti's idea of how Mates work, shouldn't Cassian have just KNOWN what Nesta was? Without question? Is he less of a Mate to Nesta because he needed Rhys and the Bone Carver to try to figure it out and even that didn't give him confirmation?

“Because you were resurrected and reborn by the combined powers of the seven High Lords. If I were you, I’d be curious to see if anything else transferred to me during that process.”

“It’d just be rather … interesting,” he smirked at the word, “if it did.”

“No, but you were given life by all seven of us. Your very essence is tied to us, born of us. What if we gave you more than we expected?”

You can master whatever powers we gave to you, and make it count.

Feyre was resurrected by the 7 High Lords so Rhys suspected she might have powers but he didn't know for sure.

Based on the Anti's idea of how Mates work, shouldn't Rhys have known the full extent of Feyre's powers the second he called in the bargain? He even had access to her thoughts yet he wasn't entirely sure and it took them months of spending time training and spending time together until he knew the full extent of what she could do.

But apparently Lucien is the only Male who's supposed to know all on his own what Elain's powers are within days of meeting her. Something we don't know if Lucien has even come across in his travels. In order to be able to tell that Elain is a Seer, he would first need to know about Seers in the first place or come by them often enough that it would trigger his memory.

Based on the history of the series, none of the Mates we've seen have been the sole and immediate discoverer of their Mates powers.

I continue to find it amusing that every single argument people use against Elucien as a real possibility is easily discredited based on the history that both Feyre and Nesta have had with their Mates before accepting the bond.

Elain avoids Lucien and feels uncomfortable around him? So did Feyre and Nesta around Rhys and Cassian.

Elain barely thanked Lucien for his gift? Nesta flat out refused to accept Cassian's.

Elain wants Az right now? Nesta also wanted to sleep with every other Male besides Cassian and Feyre wanted to marry another High Lord before accepting their mating bonds.

😂😂😂. It's actually pretty amusing because all the things they're using to build a case against Elucien, all the angst and discomfort and distance, is a proven SJM recipe for a couple to end up together in the end.

[theinquisitxor]

Best & Worst Series 2023

I saw a booktuber do a video of these questions and I really liked them, so thought that I could answer them here! Credit goes to bookslikewhoa & thoughtsontomes on youtube. Feel free repost and add your own answers!

My post from last year

In total I read roughly 32 series in some shape or form:

I read and completed 12 series this year (meaning I read books 1-- end)

I finished/wrapped up 2 series this year

I started 11 series

I caught up with 2 series

I continued with 0 series

I DNF'ed 7 series

1.What is the best series that you caught up with this year that is still a work in progress? Legendborn by Tracey Deonn for sure. I read books 1 and 2 this spring and it's a new favorite. Also the Wayward Children series deserves to be on here, because I finally caught up with the books back in Jan/Feb.

2. What is the best completed series that you are still catching up with? Technically I'm reading the Damar books by Robin McKinley. I read book 1 a few days ago and I'm currently reading book 2, so I guess I'm catching up on it.

3.What was your favorite first book in a series this year? Favorite was Emily Wilde's Encyclopedia of Faeries by Heather Fawcett, but I also really enjoyed A Declaration of the Rights of Magicians by HG Parry and The Fifth Season by NK Jeminson too.

4.What is a first book in a series you read this year that you think should have been a standalone, not a series? Six Crimson Cranes by Elizabeth Lim. I enjoyed this book quite a bit, but I think it should have been a standalone. I did not read the sequel, nor do I plan to.

5.What is your most over-hyped series of the year? The Poppy War by RF Kuang 😬. I generally liked it, but by no means thought it was worthy of the hype it got. Same with Empire of Sand.

6.What is a series that you DNFed this year? A bunch: Empire of Sand, The Last Binding, Six Crimson Cranes, The Isles of the Gods, Fourth Wing, The Mimicking of Known Successes, The Cemetery of Forgotten Books.

7.What was your favorite series finale of the year? The finale to The Expanse series, Levithan Falls. A very satisfactory and good conclusion.

8.What was the biggest cliffhanger you had in a series this year? Probably the ending of The Stolen Heir by Holly Black.

9.What is your most anticipated next book in a series that you read this year that will come out next year? Again, Emily Wilde- with the second book coming out Jan 2024.

10.What is your most anticipated series to catch up on with? The third Crescent City book by SJM. This is shaping up to be my favorite sjm series so far.

11.What was your favorite series that you finished this year? I had so much fun with the Age of Darkness series by Katy Rose Pool that I just have to include this one. It's maybe not the best ever, but I really enjoyed it. Also the Broken Earth series by NK Jemison.

12. What is the most surprising series you liked this year? I decided to give the Mistborn Era 2 a try, and I ended up enjoying it. It was a good audiobook to listen to during my drive into work, and I'm glad I read another Sanderson series.

13.What is a series you finally bailed on after holding onto it for a long time? None.

14.What is the series you meant to catch up with or finish this year that you didn't? Possibly the Veronica Speedwell books, but I haven't read one of those in a few years now, so it might just be a dnf 🤷‍♀️

15.What is a series you finished or caught up with this year that you think is greater than the sum of its parts? I reread the Heroes of Olympus series on audio and while there are certain books/scenes I like from the series, I would consider it overall greater than the sum of its parts.

If you're still here and reading, then here are all the series I read this year. This is obviously more for my record keeping than anything else!

The Shadow of the Wind (The Cemetery of Forgotten Books) by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. Not planning on continuing any time soon.

Wayward Children series by Seanan McGuire. Read books 4-7 on audio. (caught up)

Ninth House (reread) + Hell Bent by Lehigh Bardugo (caught up)

Emily Wilde's Encyclopedia of Faeries by Heather Fawcett (new series)

The Folk of the Air trilogy by Holly Black (reread on audio)

Kingsbridge books 2 , 3 & 0 by Ken Follett

The Stolen Heir by Holly Black (new series)

A Day of Fallen Night by Samatha Shannon

The Adventures of Amina al-Sirafi by Shannon Chakraborty (new series)

The Expanse 7, 8 & 9 by James SA Corey (completed series)

Legendborn & Bloodmarked by Tracey Deonn (caught up)

The Heroes of Olympus series by Rick Riordian (reread on audio)

A Marvellous Light by Freya Marske (series dnf)

The Mimicking of Known Successes Malka Ann Older (dnf on audio)

Empire of Sand by Tasha Suri (series dnf)

Age of Darkness trilogy by Katy Rose Pool (completed)

The Poppy War trilogy by RF Kuang (completed)

Six Crimson Cranes by Elizabeth Lim (series dnf)

The Shadow Histories by HG Parry (completed)

The Isles of the Gods by Amie Kaufman (series dnf)

Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros (series dnf?)

Skyhunter & Steelstriker by Marie Lu (complete)

The Broken Earth trilogy by NK Jemison (complete)

Shades of Magic trilogy by VE Schwab (reread on audio)

The Chalice of the Gods by Rick Riordian

The Fragile Threads of Power by VE Schwab (series start)

Mistborn era 2 by Brandon Sanderson (complete on audio)

Murtagh by Christopher Paolini (inheritance spinoff?) (series start)

A Strange and Stubborn Endurance (reread) & All the Hidden Paths by Foz Meadows (complete or caught up?)

Howl's Moving Castle trilogy by Diana Wynne Jones (partial reread)

Damar by Robin McKinley (complete)

The Dark is Rising by Susan Cooper (reread on BBC radio version)