#and are just proving my point that the whole omg these people are predators

[hazel2468]

Hey, kids?

Don't do this.

As always- block and move on. We don't send harassment or rude messages. That's for pathetic people.

[ghostnebula]

OMG I am loving the werewolf au I'm flipping my shit!! What happens when the losers start suspecting richie??! How does Richie react? What does our boy Eddie think of werewolves? What does he think of Richie being a werewolf??! Do the losers talk about why Richie would be terrified of werewolves when he is one? So many questions and thoughts! Also, really think about richie locking Eddie's mouth. What do werewolves do to attract/choose mates??pls tell me more!🥺🧐🤯💭🐺

If any Loser was like “Hey Richie do you believe in werewolves?” Richie would just be like: *sweats nervously* “Haha what the fuck is a werewolf?” and then run away.

Eddie definitely accepts the werewolf conspiracy pretty easily. He has pretty much the same thought process as everyone else: That if things like It or Maturin or Gan can exist, why not werewolves, too? His thoughts on werewolves, initially, would be that they’re scary and potentially dangerous and that what happened to Ben was just a fluke, and something needs to be done ASAP to protect everyone from these predators, and what if they were just trying to gain Ben’s trust so they could lure him into a cave and devour his guts, and what if--? (Yeah he spirals pretty quick and Mike has to talk him down from his panic attack)

So the first time he encounters one is when this massive black beast comes crashing out of the undergrowth in the Barrens as he’s walking down Kansas Street on his way home one evening, and it’s getting dark and there’s no traffic or any other people around, of course. Just his luck, right? He screams (not that anyone in Derry ever reacts to someone screaming when it isn’t convenient for them) and tries to run away, but the thing is already upon him, and he can feel its hot breath on his face as he’s knocked prone on the grass, so he squeezes his eyes shut and waits for the teeth to close around his throat. Or his heart to break through his ribs. Whichever comes first. He’s pretty sure he is having a real legitimate heart attack this time. 

Instead, there’s a wet tongue dragging across his cheek, and then again, and he braces his hands against the wolf’s face as he opens his eyes, trying to push it away. He could swear the damn thing is smiling at him, and its tail is wagging a mile a minute, and it looks honest-to-god happy, staring down at him with these pretty bright blue eyes, and he’ll admit the sleek black fur on its face is kind of... soft. Maybe really soft. And he’s also willing to admit that for being a “ferocious beast,” it’s also, maybe, stunning, in some way or another. After all, how many times has he seen a real wolf up close like this? It’s a sight to behold. “Oh,” he says, still holding its very fluffy face in his hands. “You’re beautiful.” 

The wolf goes apeshit, wriggling and jumping, nearly crushing Eddie’s head under one of its huge paws and breaking free of his hold to lick all over his face and then -- ugh -- in his mouth, which is fucking gross. But he doesn’t get killed or eaten or anything terrible like he expected, and his whole opinion on werewolves changes after that interaction. Instead of focusing on protecting the residents of Derry from these wolves, he decides, maybe they should focus on protecting these wolves from the residents of Derry. Which will be easier to accomplish if they can just figure out who they are, right?

Okay whew kinda got carried away with that but anyway I think once Eddie starts to suspect Richie is a werewolf (specifically that werewolf) he’d think it was kinda cool, and also be embarrassed that he called Richie beautiful to his face like that, even though it’s true in either form. And also, now that he thinks about it, those eyes did seem pretty familiar, and that wolf seemed a little too "familiar" with Eddie. 

(Maybe later he thinks Richie being a werewolf is something a little more than “cool,” but as a teen he’s like, “Yeah that’d be pretty sick actually, but I really hope he doesn’t eat, like, raw meat. He could get worms. Should we put some cooked chicken in the Barrens so Richie isn’t eating raw meat? Guys?”)

I’m sure the subject of Richie’s fear of werewolves comes up at some point, and Stan’s probably the one who gets closest to the truth as the argument gets thrown around: Why would Richie be afraid of werewolves if he already is one? Why would he have to be afraid of himself? Stan is almost definitely the person to realize that, hey, maybe werewolves aren’t born with the ability to shift, and it’s just something that they develop over time, and Richie was afraid of it as a kid because he knew what was coming and it was this strange unknowable thing that he had no power to stop and that’s a pretty good reason to be scared? Like wasn’t regular puberty bad enough, you guys? Imagine throwing “turning into a fucking werewolf” into the mix.

I will elaborate more on the mouth-licking in a different ask because someone else is also asking about that and this answer is already too long lol

And also. God. Richie as a wolf still has his human intelligence and memories, but the instincts of a werewolf, and... sometimes those don’t mix. Does he know, logically, that the key to wooing Eddie does not involve animal carcasses? Yes! Are his instincts as a werewolf telling him that in order to attract a mate, he must first prove that he can provide for them? Also yes! Eddie is disgusted to keep finding dead animals on his front porch. His mother is fucking appalled. Eddie asks Richie (when he’s human) if he’s been leaving dead rabbits at Eddie’s house. Richie, who has some sense of self-preservation and whose human brain knows that isn’t “good” behaviour, denies it at first. And it isn’t so much that as a werewolf, Richie chose Eddie as a mate, it’s just that he’s been in love with Eddie for years and that doesn’t change when he stops being human. In fact, it gets harder to hide when he stops being human, apparently, because he really struggles to resist the urge to leave “food” on Eddie’s doorstep and to not constantly be all over him, among other things. The struggle is real. 

[kinetic-elaboration]

April 14: 2x15 The Trouble with Tribbles

Back to watching TOS on Wednesdays! We’ll see if I can keep this up because I do prefer it to Fridays.

Today’s episode: the Classic (tm) Trouble with Tribbles.

Starting out with a little test for Chekov lol. Just Chekov, his mentor, and his mentor-in-law.

My mom called Chekov “Kirk and Spock’s little project,” which I think is hilarious but also probably true. Only 22 years old and on the bridge crew? Private quiz by the top two people on the ship? Legit interpretation.

“It was just a little joke.” / “Extremely little, Ensign.” Classic Spock burn.

The Organian Peace Treaty--from Errand of Mercy??

I really do feel like Kirk is genuinely amused by Chekov.

You would never guess from this intro about tense diplomatic situations and number-one-top-priority-triple-red-alerts that this was going to be a crack-y episode about space bunnies.

Oh no, a fake red alert! Kirk is really angry now.

Kirk and Spock are very Married today.

STORAGE COMPARTMENTS?? StOrAgE cOmPaRtmEnTs?

WHEAT??

Do not try to imply that Spock doesn’t know things; he is contractually obligated to show off.

Canadian wheat.

Honestly, just let Kirk call it wheat.

Spock is using diplomacy to reign Kirk in. Sarek would be proud. And Spock would be insulted that Sarek is proud.

Kirk is very Sassy today.

Omg the waitresses have little wings.

Spock taking the wheat from behind his back and giving it to Kirk like a magician’s assistant.

I feel like Kirk is bitter about the wheat because it’s the one (1) thing he’s not a nerd about. And he’s from Iowa too!! He should know!

Uhura listening to the salesman; well she IS here to shop, after all.

Is it alive? Is it cute? Oh who am I kidding, I can see it’s cute!

Oh no the tribble is eating the grain.

Uhura is truly adorable.

I can’t believe she just made a joke about never getting any shore leave and here she is, back at her station again.

Can you even imagine AOS Kirk being tasked with protecting a bunch of grain? HE would make Iowa jokes.

And Spock is trying so hard not to laugh.

Tbh I have a real soft spot for these frustrated Kirk episodes. Poor, long-suffering Kirk. So much more serious than all of the nonsense going on around him.

I like this space station design.

Klingons on shore leave. They just want to have some fun. No bowling alleys on their ships!

Technical journal time for Scotty!

“I am immune to their effect....” Sure. What’s funny to me is that Kirk actually is immune to their effect. Truly at no point does he seem charmed or amused by or even interested in the tribbles, except in their capacity as Klingon detectors at the end

“I think they’re old enough [to be adopted].” Lol how can you tell?

One look from Spock reigns Kirk in. #spacehusbands

Oh, you noticed there are 11 tribbles instead of 1? How astute.

“What do you get when you feed a tribble too much?” / “A fat tribble.” This is ACTUAL DIALOGUE. Oh, Kirk.

Honestly McCoy is a medical doctor, so it kind of would make more sense for Spock to be doing these tribble experiments but he has his hands full with Kirk

Kirk is awfully insistent upon Scotty taking shore leave when he should very well remember what happened last time

“You’d think he’d be a vodka man.” And he is!

Klingons don’t understand Kirk at all. He IS a little soft <3

Where’s that post that’s like ‘the AOS writers just listened to this one Klingon speech about Kirk and wrote his character based on that?” I mean... not totally inaccurate.

Actually it is a potentially interesting speech. Is this really how his enemies see him based on his reputation? Or is it just, like, a bunch of generic insults you could apply to pretty much any captain of a group you didn’t like?

Poor Kirk, missing out on this fight scene.

Lol the drink joke. Does it make sense? No, but it’s funny all the same.

“Captain’s log: I am forced to cancel shore leave.”

Angry Daddy!Kirk and his unhelpful children. You’re ALL grounded!!

“No this is not off the record!” Not even gonna debate that Scotty.

This whole Kirk and Scotty scene deserves an Emmy.

Spones + Tribbles

The extra hilarious thing about Spock talking about the uselessness of the tribbles and Bones defending their cuteness as being an end in and of itself is that Spock DOES canonically like soft, pleasing animals. Even in this episode!!

The tribble wants to be captain.

Kirk collecting tribbles lmao.

“Don’t look at me, it’s the tribbles that are breeding.”

The tribbles are bisexual. Just like Captain Kirk. (Yes this is two different uses of the term that mean totally different things and I do NOT care I just like hearing the word “bisexual” in DeForest Kelley’s voice.)

I feel like Uhura must be so lonely.. Trying to talk to Spock about the moon. Meeting shape shifting aliens who become native Swahili speakers just for her. Trying to buy love in the form of small, cute animals.

The tribbles have been taken from their predator-filled environment. I am VERY curious about their native environment now. What eats tribbles?

“It’s you I take lightly.” Honestly this level of sass almost makes AOS Kirk seem IC.

“Licensed asteroid locator and prospector.” Brb changing careers.

“But he is after my grain!”

Kirk saying “au revoir” is funny on its face for how he echoes Cyrano what’s-his-face but also because it reminds me of Shatner saying “I’m from Canada, so I speak French.”

No, the tribbles got in his food! That is the last straw.

It’s hard to tell because it’s covered in tribbles, but Spock appears to have a very odd looking salad. (Or that large piece of fruit is a tribble, really hard to tell.)

Spock’s “fascinating” was so quiet.

“They’re into the machinery all right.” First, lol, and second, isn’t Scotty supposed to be in his room thinking about what he’s done?

You can really see that missing finger.

Gonna beam down some tribbles too.

And now to top off this bad day: the indignity of having a bunch of dead tribbles fall on his head. To wacky music.

“Gorged? On my grain?” It’s more likely than you think.

And like........you realize someone off set is just continuing to throw little puff balls at Shatner's head at regular intervals during this whole scene? One just bounced right off it.

And the answer to the tribble problem is literally “stop feeding them” which is so obvious that I assumed it was just harder than one would think not to feed a tribble. Since no one fed them. And they continued to eat.

I also love how Bones comes into his best friend literally buried in tribbles and doesn’t even blink.

Whereas Spock’s here with his mouth this thinnest possible line, trying not to laugh.

They like Vulcans! They have good taste.

Spock is definitely that type that has secret low self esteem so he builds himself up with confident comments at every opportunity.

“He’s a Klingon, Jim.”

Kirk REALLY likes threatening the Klingons with tribbles.

I feel like leaving Cyrano to single-handedly clean up the tribbles over 17 years is not a punishment that makes sense because like... must the station live with the tribbles until then? Also, where is he to put them?

I think they should be returned to their native habitat to be eaten by predators according to the natural cycle of life.

Are we to understand that SPOCK suggested beaming the tribbles on to the Klingon ship? Perhaps I have underestimated his prank war abilities.

I’ll be honest, this ep is very entertaining and for that reason one of my favorites, but I don’t know that it paints the Enterprise, and Kirk in particular, in the best light.

Like... I am really torn on Kirk’s treatment of the undersecretary. I know he often doesn’t much like administrators and diplomats and other people who don’t seem to have much RL experience, and certainly this Federation official got on his bad side immediately and understandably by misusing the red alert.

But... Kirk isn’t at all subtle about not liking him. I mean he literally says “I don’t like you” and that’s just objectively unprofessional, which he is not. The sassiness was way unsubtle, which could be funny, but it just didn’t seem IC.

I can almost justify it because of the red alert mix up--that’s everything Kirk hates: violating regulations, showing disrespect to him and his crew, uncalled for manipulation--and I think he has the right to be upset about it. But he continues holding this grudge for a long time. It feels like it’s just as much about not personally caring about the grain as about anything else. Like he’s dismissive about the grain because he personally has never heard of it. So obviously it’s not important.

That’s too much that conventional-wisdom arrogant, dumb Kirk for me.

I guess I just don’t understand, why so much hatred for the undersecretary? Because his two biggest sins were the red alert and employing a Klingon. But as I already said, I think Kirk’s ire is disproportionate to the first offense and no one knew about the Klingon until the end--because a tribble, not Kirk specifically, found him out.

Otherwise..this guy was right! The grain was important, losing it or having it sabotaged would have very bad consequences for the Federation, it is Kirk’s job to guard it, and he should do it well. He was also right that the Klingon threat was real!! He’d brought in the Klingon threat but he was still right about it existing. The Klingons did in fact sabotage the grain! And although we hear at the end that there was magically more grain out there... I don’t get how or from where.

Furthermore, he used the red alert specifically because he seemed to think Kirk wouldn’t rush over to protect the grain otherwise, and Kirk is so dismissive of this “just wheat” that he kinda proves the guy right!

Anyway, I can see the grains of this Kirk (lol pun not intended) in his general characterization, but it’s too over the top, to the point where it’s OOC. He does take his job, including the diplomatic aspects of it, very seriously, and I think an IC Kirk would protect the grain, and maybe be only occasionally, subtly sassy to the undersecretary.

But this was such a crack-y episode overall... it was like everyone was turned up to 11 and pushed slightly to the side.

It was a fun ep though with a lot of very classic scenes, and it’s another reminder that Spock likes soft, adorable animals.

I will admit that I actually do not think the tribbles are particularly cute. They kind of weird me out. They’re just lumps of fur.

Next is The Gamesters of Triskelion, which I vaguely remember as a decent but not great episode.

[thatnamelessblogger]

Bones Season 5 (2009)

just call this season, “Booth x Bones tease”

omg Brennan being socially unaware and aware is so fking annoying. her character is so inconsistent

the forensics done by Angela are so bad, they might as well call it magic. i do like her music background w her dad though

characters seem out of character sometimes, it's weird and bad writing

honestly why tf am i watching this show anymore??? the premise is bad. wtf are lab rats . freaking RESEARCH lab rats . doing solving murder cases . makes no sense. 

also i love how Hodgins is friends with all the interns except Daisy. and Daisy is annoying so thats that

Sweets x Daisy is just ??? Sweets basically cheats on Daisy, they get engaged, then they break up at the end of the season ... just what was the point?

more under the cut! 

05x01 Harbingers in the Fountain

ofc Booth remembers her. duh. 

Booth also comes to the realization that hes in love with Bones, but gets warnings from friends to not tell her unless hes sure bc she has trust issues

they proceed to say "i love you" to each other in a professional way lmao. 

also ofc Brennan doesnt have the baby

05x04 The Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

i like that Aristoo doesnt fake his accent anymore and the squints talk. its cute. 

also Booth x Brennan basically have a date with Parker at the end and its cute too :)

05x06 The Tough Man in the Tender Chicken

Wendell x Angela??? seriously? idek whats happening.

Peep that cute Booth x Brennan scene at the diner 🥰🥰🥰

05x10 The Goop on the Girl

Bones undresses Booth while he recites saints to calm down LOL.

Cam kinda sucks changing her mind for the hawaii trip at the last minute but, “It’s my job to prove to you everyday that you are loved in this world.” <3

05x12 The Proof in the Pudding

omg Hodgins offers up his life to Angela for her maybe baby omggg. “i’m your guy” <3 . just when you thought they were done

05x16 The Parts in the Sum of the Whole

omg Booth x Bones first case!! <3 obvious bad cinematography to go back a few years. 

Angela changed from caricature artist to digital professional???? wtff

omg Booth tries to get Brennan to try them out as a couple! Bones turns him down bc shes untrusting and doesnt want to see him get hurt . omg we got baited . Booth says he’ll get over it

05x18 The Predator in the Pool

Booth x Bones tries to make each other jealous by talking about their dates. 

omggg Bones shoved Clark’s face in the water??? wtff is this lab doing? workplace hazards everywhere!!!! 

they use each other as the standard to compare other people! omgg . the denial is real

05x20 The Witch in the Wardrobe

omg Hodgela locked in jail together is so cute :) they seriously get married?? also Angelas not her real name??? omg i highkey dont get their relationship even they cute af. 

i love the salem witch theme . 

05x22 The Beginning in the End

wow the team splits up... the airport scene ... oof ... best cliffhanger so far? 

[ralfstrashcan]

3x21 Reaction / Commentary

I was seriously wondering if this was Alec because Magnus loss = melt down = shaky fingers but Alec would never voluntarily drink something so pretentious. But uuhhh I had thought Jonathan angry-flapped through the rift to Edom? Why he now here still?

More seelie queen crown, yeah!!

Not buying that whole “your demon blood is burning away your humanity” because, again, he lived years without being bonded to Clary so what's taken that “transformation” so long? Also, will he become like, a raven? A harpy? Oh no, I saw the promo. He'll be blond. Makes sense.

He just showed that he's not interested, stop harassing him you sick cougar.

Uhhhhh, objection your honor. That fake blade only contained like three atoms of the original Glorious. But whatever, details amiright.

Also if they wanna tell me it's the blade that triggered the transformation then a) wtf why would a blade designed to break something evil make the evil actually MORE evil wtf for a shit equipment is that b) can we expect some ridic changes for Clary too, that make her even more Mary Sue? c) if Lucifer was so badass, where is he? Something killed him, maybe? Since Jonathan is declared most uniquest thing to ever unique?

“A splendid pet bird. And he died a few decades back so I'd like to recruit you as replacement,. Whatcha say? I'll even drop bird themed pick up lines around you all day.” God I'm making myself sick.

BS when you think about it, because every individual is unique. Good luck salvaging the climate change and what not, seelie queen, on your heroic quest to preserve all that is unique.

#rejected, take that you prowling predator. Can you believe she annoyed him so much he just abandoned his pretentious cream drink thingy? So rude. Also nice touch that they remembered that thing with the flowers and Jonathan making them poor flowers wilt. Btw would that have worked if they were plastic flowers?? Haha ok sorry.

Wtf I'm very much not on board with the seelie queen having a weird Jonathan fetish. Also, if the sole reason she has it is that Jonathan is “one of a kind” then I wonder why she wasn't ruthlessly hitting on Simon the same way? Or technically, before Simon became a daylighter, on Cain, getting him to leave the sewers and chill in the seelie realm instead?

1) Wow can you believe they managed to spare Malec's drama 3 seconds of consideration before getting absorbed in themselves again? Amazing. 2) Dude, you weren't in control of your actions while Clary was brainwashed and very much in control of her actions. That's not really comparable? But whatever.

Some great “love” you've got going on there, Maryse, writing Magnus off after, what? Half a day? Two days? Smh.

???????????????????? So they want to tell me Magnus plastered his magic like a bandaid over the rift but didn't really close it? Well, I am prepared with outrage to point out all the ways in which this is bullshit.

1) There clearly was no such thing to be seen from the other side.

Since Edom and Earth are two different dimensions and on Earth's side there was no rift in the dimension's fabric anymore that obviously means if the wraiths slipped through that Edom crack they'd either be lost in limbo or flapping around in some inter-dimesional space. But they couldn't reach Earth. So I fail to see how this is a problem.

2) How the hell do the NY Shadowhunters know about this? Since from their side the rift was well and truly closed? They don't know that Magnus has to keep his magical band-aid in place? The only thing they have to wonder about is why the hell Magnus hasn't returned yet since Magnus proved in 3x20 that apparently interdimensional travel works with normal warlock portals and those fancy pentagram things aren't necessary.

3) Uhhhh if Magnus has to stay there to keep up the magical band-aid (since exit options clearly aren't the issue here) wtf won't he tire at some point? Am I supposed to believe exhausting isn't a thing in Edom? What happens if he has to sleep? (Sidenote, what the hell do they eat in Edom anyway? Will he have to roast some shax demons? Disturbing.) Anyway back to the topic at hand, if I'm supposed to believe that Magnus is THAT strong he can keep up this magic (a magic that was so enormous he couldn't even achieve it from Earth) for eternity without taking a break, then I doubly don't get why he can't just SEAL the goddamn rift?! And don't tell me it's because band-aid magic is something he can do, and different from  rift sealing magic which is something he can't do. Because again, 2x20 is a thing where Magnus proves that he is capable of sealing a rift; so the only explanation of why he didn't do it in 3x20 is because the rift was too powerful. Now correct me if I'm wrong but to me Magnus + Enhanced Edom Powers equals He Closes The Rift, not Weird Band-Aid Magic. Wtf.

HAHAHAH I CAN'T!!!!! THANKS MAGNUS FOR POINTING THIS OUT!!! AND IN THE SASSIEST WAY POSSIBLE!!!!! IT'S BEEN BUGGING ME SINCE 3x10 XD XD XD

Love that shot.

1) Thanks, Lilith, for confirming that Magnus is in fact constantly supplying the band-aid with magic and thus exposing this whole plot line as completely frakkin illogical. 2) Wtf Lilith, why the heck did you go back to Edom in 3x16 if you wanted to murder Jonathan????? IT MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL WTF 3) Where tf is Cain?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I CAN'T

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I CAN'T

Wow that escalated quickly. I hate that even though Magnus knows it's just a trick to get into his head it still hurts him, because this is how he is: alwasy second-guessing his worth. He deserves better from all of them, deserves more from them, so he wouldn't feel this so keenly.

Ok, good save, I was just gearing up for a rage about why the hell Magnus is more powerful than the literal mother of demons who could defeat everyone, even with his Ddom-Edition-Powers because come on. However, Magnus must know that this is just a temporal solution because recovering means at some point she'll be recovered and, well.

Also, this shot haha.

Hahahaha I see he inherited the hell puns from Asmodeus along with the real estate XD

I mean, yeah, and then he acted like a total fool in his last few days. Great way to go, man. #stillbitter

“People mattered to Jordan. People, their troubles, their pain...”

That was sweet.

HAHAHAHA THAT WAS HILARIOUS

Probably off to do something to enrage me, so same as always.

Oh look, he's robbing a bakery because being jobless and needing food doesn't mix well.

OMG I SUDDENLY REMEMBER THIS FROM THE 3B TRAILER. You know, Luke being all creepy in the back of a car? Wtf, honestly I think I'll have even less patience for Human!Luke than I have Inapt!Werewolf!Luke. They're really testing me.

“....like Sizzy” Hahahah okay I'll try to behave myself. And I had time to prepare, it was obvious they'd use that inspirational thing Maia said for Sizzy purposes.

Yeah...... #irony #obviously me behaving myself isn't working out, who's surprised? I'm not.

Don't they have fire extinguishers in the Institute somewhere? I mean, there's regulations for that, right? Lemme guess, that's remnants of the Glorious fake sword that pierced her? And now she can't be with Simon without killing him, hahaha, all Sizzy problems solved XD

When I saw this (in the Sneak Peek, but still counts) my first thought was “Aha NOW he tries to find a solution but when Magnus first lost his magic he couldn't be bothered RUDE ALEC WTF��� lol ahahahah

Question time: 1) Didn't he have plants in there last episode?

OH RIGHT HE HAD!!! What happened to them? *Sherlock Voice* Did he eat them??

2) Why didn't Alec wonder where the hell Lorenzo was? Sure, he's a little preoccupied atm with losing Magnus, but he should have realized Lorenzo was weirdly absent about five hours into his happy little loft occupation???

3) I fully expected the scratching to be Chameleon!Lorenzo vying for attention, but seeing it, omg my heart broke a little. Can you imagine the desperation?? Poor evil lizard baby.

You know, I find it inherently troubling that Alec assumes Magnus always had this lizard and has only now decided to relocate its terrarium into the loft's main room, instead of thinking Magnus got the lizard as, idk, a pick-me-up after the breakup. I mean, what kind of lousy pet holder does he take Magnus for? Not even mentioning he has one, never taking care of it? That's not Magnus. Alec should know better.

Als Bohemian so incisively pointed out, why would he have created a pet cobra that he calls “baby” if he hated reptiles? And while, granted, Alec might not know about this, I believe Cat should. So wtf.

.....................................they honestly felt the need to tell her this? In grave detail and that this was their first kiss? Why would they do that?? Or did she look at the tapes??? So many questions.

Lol okay I didn't even intend to be so spot on with the Sizzy prediction. More importantly though, she won't be able to shadowhunt anymore.

Why is anyone (except Magnus (and occasionally Alec)) left in charge of anything, ever. *sigh*

But I mean, at least there's this

Small mercies (aka comedic pockets in a vast sea of illogic shit) I guess XD

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA I AM DEAD I CAN'T HAHAHAH HIS FACE!!!!!!!!!!

Jace is me, I am Jace

So.... many....... questions...............

Okay, so I'm severely confused. If this demon has info on what's happening in Edom right now, then either he left Edom after Lilith started gathering her army so there's a rift there somewhere, OR there's a way for news to travel between Edom and Earth, probably through, you guessed it, a tiny rift. So wtf, show, please explain because I don't understand.

..............................................................

The audacity. The fucking audacity. MAGNUS WILL BE DEAD, IS WHAT YOU SHOULD TAKE AWAY FROM THAT. NOT THAT THE RIFT REOPENS ARE YOU KIDDING ME WTF JACE I CAN'T BELIEVE IT I EVEN CURSED EXPLICITLY I NEVER DO THAT WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

Wow. Alec, can you please punch him?

Don't get me wrong. They're shadowhunters, of course it is their duty to prevent this to protect the mundanes. But, delivery?! Show some worry at the prospect of the love of your parabatai's life dying??? before continuing with business as usual?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SAME CLARY, BECAUSE WTF?! I REPEAT, WTF!!!! Didn't she listen to Helen at all? It's not going to protect her, it's going to blast her to frakking pieces. Wtf how dumb is she??? Hääääääääääää?????

lol Simon, you'd just stab yourself in the eye with it XD But I appreciate the sentiment XD

I AM THIS CLOSE TO JUST, RECORD MY LAUGHTER BECAUSE I'M DYYYYYING OVER HERE OKAY HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHA Also he should call Maia, because life as a werewolf suxx way less than life as a vampire. Then again, IMMORTAL HUSBANDS SIGN ME THE F UP, IMMORTAL ALEC WAS ENDGAME ALL ALONG AHAHAHAHAHA YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Okay, on a more coherent note. I LOVE this line. I was so painfully deprived of Alec throwing himself into risk and action just to protect and help Magnus during 3B that it's not even funny. So this was really awesome. But, consider this: if he really wanted to go through with it he'd have to wait like a whole day before the transformation is completed, so uhhh impracitcal.

YES. YES. PLEASE MORE OF ENRAGED ALEC SCOLDING THEM LIKE THE KIDS THEY ARE. (But, uh, ragefully running away from his sire in spe wasn't the cleverest move if he wants to go through with it immediately ahaha XD)

I mean, nice of them to contriubute. All it took was Alec (!!!!!) flipping his shit. It seems they didn't have the idea to look into something themselves. Lol I'm inclined to be with Lilith on that one, are they even worth it??? Smh.

Full disclosure, for the longest time I was sure those were burning dog shit piles XD

Can we talk about how Jonathan is at a point where he doesn't really seem to care if he lives or dies because everything is pointless to him? (Btw if I manage to actually write the epic 3x21+22 rewrite I have in mind then it'd start here.)

I mean this was smooth and all, but......? Wasn't Meliorn like, totally over Izzy? I'm meaning this in a premonition-y way, not just this line. His rekindled feelings come pretty much out of nowhere.

I get that this is the alliance rune from the books. But why the hell would she do that in this situation instead of a rune that allows Shadowhunters to survive in Edom? In which universe is alliance rune your first thought instead of resiliance rune?? Or just a plain Accio Magnus rune, ffs!!!Makes no sense.

This is epic and all, but excuse me while I roll my eyes real hard.

Also ignoring the seelie queen and her weird fetish 2.0 because who cares.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I CCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT LORENZO IS A FANBOY HAHAHAHA I BET YOU HE WILL CORNER SIMON AT SOME POINT AND BEG HIM FOR AN AUTOGRAPH HAHAHAHAHA

“As my first act on the Downworld Council...”

So you mean to tell me that from 3x02 til 3x21 actually only a week passed? Because the Downworld Council meetings are weekly scheduled??? Tf hahaha.

Hahahhahhaa I mean I totally get why he reacts that way. Also, may I ask the dreaded question: WHERE THE F IS CATARINA???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No honestly, I give up. I just. I give up.

Hahahahaha

“The angels wouldn't have given me this power if they didn't want me to use it.”

Premonition!Ralf: Ha. Hahahhahaha. Ha.

THE COMEDY WE DESERVE HAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA PERFECT!!!! Not least because it's immediately followed by

which makes it seem as if Lorenzo is complimenting Meliorn's prowess as a lover LOL

SIGH. So in 3x10 it was the portal that allowed Magnus to EASILY travel back to Earth, not Asmodeus kindly giving him a lift. So then let me ask why the hell he didn't make a portal like this in 3x20?! Did he already know he wouldn't be able to seal the rift but would have to keep it closed 24/7? Ridiculous. Also, why does Alec even ask this, since he saw Magnus use that exact same portal in 3x10.

I think you should have held frikkin hands.

HAHAHA ALEC, HONEY, WHAT WOULD YOU WRITE ANYWAY???? “We're right here, next to those withered trees. There's sand on the ground and wraiths in the sky. Everything looks red. And from here I can see that one ruin!!”

Weird Lorenzo & Alec bonding is intriguing. That's all I'm saying on the matter for now. I'm reserving judgement.

(Edit: After watching both 3x21 and 3x22 this clearly marks the point where Lorenzo's Instant Redemption Arc sets in and simultaneously comes to a close. Thanks, I hate it. Let antagonists be antagonists, dammit. At the end of the day not everyone is a goody two-shoes. That's life. UGH. Also, let me introduce my theory that while traveling between Earth and Edom Lorenzo's character was ripped from him in a severe Plot Convenience Turbulence. What a shame.)

But hell yeah to Alec's emotions running rampant and him being unable to control the magic. Another headcanon confirmed (that I didn't really knew I had, lol).

Hahahahha dude could you be any more pretentious XD XD XD

Hahahahahahaha this is the best day of my life.

Hahahaha Meliorn just got promoted to one of my favorites. Better late than never amiright.

I get this, this taking stock conversation, from a meta standpoint. But BITCH CAN YOU FOCUS ON MAGNUS FOR ONCE IN YOUR SELF-ABSORBED LIFE IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK WTF DAMMIT

Yeah, me too. Who knew demonic transformations came with a villain hairdo make over?? Nature truly is beautiful.

Me, watching: I might be totally oblivous, but did this crown always have a stripe thing on the top, too? Ralf, editing this reaction post: Yes. Yes it did. You're not as observant as you like to think. Me, reading that: .......harsh

..........do I have to understand why he isn't running away screaming? I get the instinct to wreak havoc because everything hurts and is pointless but wtf, the seelie queen is doing the exact same things Lilith did to him. Using him, only seeing him as a power source that has to be cultivated but has no feelings, no worth, and weirdly kissing him. He should, for all intents and purposes, be running for the hills. (But also, uh, neat nail polish and rings, seelie queen. You've got style.)

HAHAHAHA I mean, I already prepared two Jeliorn Dumb Comics, but this is reaching ridiculous levels XD XD XD I'm soooo here for it.

Hahahahaha XD XD XD

“Runes bubbling back, incredible” Yeah, no shit. I'm not buying. I could even largely argue my point, making references to the seelies that got “treated” in 3x17 that weren't rendered half-human-half-angel but mundane, meaning they lost their angelic part, too, meaning the serum removes angelic blood as well as demon blood. But since I couldn't care less about Luke (right now or in general? That's your guess to make) I'm not even getting worked up over it XD

Dude, you're aware this is like the perfect opening for getting a verbal diss, right?

Wow, three seconds a shadowhunter and here we are with the racist jokes again. That was quick.

Also, let me say how exceedingly ridiculous it is that Luke just walks out of there with a “No thank you” and Evil Praetor Guy does nothing against it literally because Luke said “But blackmailing me would mean you're evil ;__;”

bitch please

Look, can we appreciate this a little more? Like, a lot more??? Can I pause the episode here and stare at this for half an hour or something????? Alec saying he's willing to just, leave behind life as he knew it, very possibly never seeing anyone of his family again, just so he gets to stay with Magnus? I mean, that's some Major Immortal Alec Energy right there. Serve me more please.

..................wow instead I get Clary depriving me of a Malec Reunion Smooch wtf?! Uuuhhhh no thank you!!!!

AHAHAHA THAT SUFFERING FACE HAHAHAHAHA OMG AMAZING Kicked Pouting Suffering Puppy Jace <3<3<3

Btw what Jace said about Simon really gave me something to think about. I'm confused but intrigued. I like.

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

So the people 4900 humans were mutilated

They were cut up and dismembered while alive.

Alex says you want to know what i think.

I don't want to.

Because what i know is this is the tip of the iceberg. What you saw today was the ones that are normal.

There are going to be worse cases that will be surfaced.

What you saw today was mild.

What i feel is irrelevant. I don't have the time not opportunity to reflect and feel about those cases

You know how i feel about human trafficking. You know how i feel about abuse. You know how i feel about people harming humans.

I should not have to explain how i feel.

You need to know it will be worse.

14000 estimated... Only 4900 had physical distortions you could see. The rest were metaphysical and under the skin. Under their clothes.

The horrific procedures these humans suffered courageously only to live in pure Hell...

I will not minimize the suffering of any human.

However the physical mutilation of what you will see in the future is much greater. Frankenstein doesn't even cover it.

You'll see people with all skin removed. All bones removed and still expected to work. People with exposed brain tissue. Their hair growing out of their brain because they have no skull.

I've talked to most and minimized most of their pain and blessed the facilities they were in so they could not feel harm nor new victims if they were taken in.

They did not want to surface to land until the time was ready. Because they are horrifically disfigured.

They did not want a full heal. Nor did they want desth nor removal.

They wanted to be safe and allowed to present their bodies to you. The rest of the world.

To know why to tell you how this happened to them.

Many have lived in these conditions for over 200 years. Hidden. We closed as many off to predators as well could by feining their deaths. By their bodies laying on top of each other in open door ways. And me screaming they were dead. So we were able to close the labs for the time being.

Sneak food to the victims through another pathway.

S0 for 200 years they have waited to tell you all how lucky you are to only have been kidnapped. To only have been raped. To only have lost your jobs and forced to stand 4 feet away from each other.

Some but not all want a full heal.

So the zombie apocalypse we have had on tv and y'all dressed up for on Halloween -- it was for them. To tell them they would be accepted on the top soil of the Eaerth, as they are.

Because they wanted to know they would be safe and unharmed further. And I wanted them to know they would be loved.

Out in Corsicana Texas is where we will find most. Under ground in a lab North West of the city.

It is requested you proof the existence. A newspaper or date on phone or some way of proving these people are for real being rescued this day and age in 2020 AD e.

Only previously selected elite will attend the

What I feel is grief. And sadness.

2/3 want to come to the surface of the Earth to simply die. Once and for all.

But we won't allow that. Their shame. Their wanting to hide their bodies. They want to protect what has been done to them

They want to hide in shame and anxiety for what abuse they suffered

They do not want to stand tall and proud and say "i am human and I have a right to live"

They want to finally say to all of us "I am not as good as you and I will die before you to prove it so"

I could cry all day for my broken heart for them.

And so instead in my usual fashion i am gonna slap their fucking face and say wake up beasts. I fucking love you. And you're not dying because you don't like the mirror.

And so we have a whole thing organized and planned for two days.

They do normal shit although they look like Hell. Potato sack races and Warrior training all kinds of shit.

So we will have Team Elite compete with The Underground Victims.

I think the Elite Military will fail. I think this because they train to save other's lives while the underground their own and others and they know the horrific things that can happen.

So when y'all are allowing Evil to be saved

Our 200 plus year old humans in hibernation under ground will come out and show you why you cannot EVER allow that to happen again.

I wrote in dramatics. But reality is horrifying.

Several other mutilated and severely damaged "corpse" will fly in. Some from right here in New Mexico.

Trees will build invisible walls to prevent others from trying to get in. At times they will be visible and will block the view. Especially for frightened children that may have came to look.

There are 3,475 that are just over 200 years old. They wanted to come out when it was safe from aliens

I assure it is not. However this morning tree asked if they were ready to surface. They said no..

Tree said "fuck shit you're coming out. I don't wanna hear youre sorry we have fun and games planned"

Slowly their fear disintegrated into acceptance.

They were told if they lost at the games and they would -- then they would be able to die freely for eternity's sake.

They were happy to never have to live again.

I will win. That is all I have to say.

So play the hardest. Play the best. Don't give pity to another team. Both sides kick ass.

We have Team Mutilated like you saw today. We have Team Mutilation. We have Team Death and Team Elite.

So we are doing this Olympic style... But each team gets a trophy... So track If Team Mutilation doesn't come running across finish until they are actually #8 their trophy will represent that. If they're last place then they are.

So each team will get placed. And then their overall team placement will be getting a trophy at Diamond. Gold. Titanium Steel and copper.

Of course we will have the actual winner list so if Team Elite beat at the first five levels. It will be recorded.

The point is. Humans have survived in shame for 200 years. Only for you to witness their beings and then die.

So i want them to see while they are some of the worst -- they are not the only. And while our strongest and kindest military competes they will lose because they don't have 200 years of physical training. They don't have 200 plus years of physical memory. They haven't spent 200 years paying attention how their body is or works

I expect Team Death to win at all categories except a small handful.

That is why i said i win. Because i want them to try and i want them to prove to us that live only 40 to 100 years and were all shriveled up in wheelchairs why the point is to survive for eternity. I need them to show us the difference in their physical blessings and a regular human being.

They agreed to but also said they wanted to die.

So y'all believe in miracles. I have more than one planned. They don't have phones. But i talked about it the other day. The P-word and 4 words in the thesaurus.

I am hoping they feel love and acceptance and finally actual pride in the first time in over 50 years.

Not just pride. But pride in their human bodies.

That in itself is a miracle.

And then I can perform more.

And if they don't want to try to live... I'll ask them if they want to if they got 5 thesaurus words some of y'all looked up... And then we will magic them up.

Like I said. I will win.

I say me perform -- my associates the Trees will actually. We have had a lot of practice and discussion.

Matt Hagan is one of the Zulululu aliens which performed abortions then sewed the babies to the outer limbs or the parents So "they always hold their children" and quite a few more grotesque things.

Remember while they don't look human, they are. So if you watch the games live don't cheer for their deformities but what they can do despite them.

So you can say "man look at that 13 armed dude go!! Omg he has 13 arms how amazing is that" because he's juggling or catching frisbees and playing with 9 other people and not missing one. You applaud the skill they now have not the pain they suffer. In my example i pointed out the dude has 13 arms then said what he was doing was amazing.

I did not use proper punctuation. Just like verbalization doesn't either..

So don't accuse any one in your house of making the injuries they sustained insignificant.

The point is to show off their skill and survival DESPITE what the bastards did to them.

So even if your kid says "I wish I had 13 arms" they're not dismissing how fucking horrific it is.

They are saying "wow that guy is my hero"

"I'm jealous. The things I could do like him"

Let the people in your house and home have freedom of expression. Even if you don't understand what the fuck they are saying or where it comes from.

I'd rather hear envy than disgust. So would they.

Yes it will freak the fuck out of you. So the goal is to find one that fascinates you. Or you feel comfortable looking at.

There are some that honestly always freaked me out and they would say "see? How can we go back to our lives when you are one of the nicest and even you can't stand to see or touch them?"

"Because Alex is afraid of my favorite and I'm afraid of his favorite"

"It won't never work then. We can't allow people in fear of us. Its just not right. We will just stay here then for all of eternity"

So the delicate gifts our Eaerth has is these humans.

View them as your schoolmates and best friends.

Of course we will heal them and tattoo their old nemises of themselves on their skin. They will choose. It will be painless. Like a painting with paint. Liquid regular paint.

There are 13000 participants. Only 1/3 will actively be in the games.

While the spectators are waiting my children 9 of them and likely 10 I have here in the belly will apply beautification to those who wish to survive.

Slowly the stands occupants will change to the most beautiful humans you have ever seen in your entire lives.

So one active jogger in a game of soccer will look up to see his wife. He's decided to die. She has not. And he won't find her. Because she's too beautiful. It will change his whole world, his whole mind.

"Oh well I'm gonna need to be handsome then" will say the man with a nose surgically removed and placed upside down with hands from his armpits and no arms. No neck. No throat. No upper jaw. He is one of my easy "but what am I gonna do with these? My wings?" That is what his wife calls his hands.

She feeds him she has his arms wrapped around her throat. But she's mostly in tact. Her nose is also turned upside down and her ears. Her teeth are flipped out. They used plates to push them out opposite how we use teeth braces.

"Its pretty horrific. But we are going. I got strong legs and skill" that is what he says. So i developed the games with him. And some others.

Long long time ago. They did not want the rules to be relaxed for them. They said they would refuse to play if they thought we took it easy on them.

Just for the way they look. They say Red Bull gives you wings. He truly has them. You'll see an interview with him. He can't talk very well at all it is very very muffled like he's under water or has a pillow shoved in his face because he's pissed off his wife again. ;)

So he will show you all what has happened to him. He has his wrists attached in his arm pits so he can rotate his hands.

Y'all will probably want more than 1 tv per room you watch in so you can see their glamor upgrade and the games and a 3rd if you wanna see how they live and function in the home.

I suggest if you can borrow tv from the bedrooms and line them up in the living room or den.

Or use a big screen/projector. So you can see more than one channel at once.

Volume I suggest the in home because they will speak there. And you can hear them.

Glamour my girls will announce their names and dysfunctions and then glamor up. So that should be on closed caption so you can read as well as sports

But I totally challenge you to volume on all 3.

I would sports lowest. Glamor mid and home life up most.

If you practice fine tuning your ears you can hear all 3 perfectly.

Become a freak like me.

So what do i feel? Excited and happy. I feel love.

Because there is a future. And I am sure we can convince the rest to have one too.

Hashtag Freak in social media to show support.

Please.