#and at the moment that is taking up more mental bandwidth than expected

[its-all-stardust]

Steven Grant x gn!reader, may-haps, something sorta fluffy, like they’ve both had a rather long day, maybe it ends with Steven reading to the reader and them falling asleep on them couch together? Feel free to ignore, it’s not particularly interesting

It's your lucky day!! I did NOT ignore this request because it gives me some writing practice and a chance to think about something else besides my current project for a little bit.

I did tweak this just a tad, but such is the nature of fic requests. I hope you enjoy!!

Masterlist

Word Count: 783

When you walked through the apartment door, the lights were turned down low, and the smell of what you suspected to be takeaway from your favorite restaurant wafted toward you. You breathed a sigh of relief, a weight lifted off your shoulders.

When you texted Steven earlier about the downward spiral that was your work day—and the resulting headache that threatened to become a migraine at the slightest provocation—you weren’t doing anything more than venting. You hadn’t asked nor expected him to take over dinner when it was your night to cook.

“You didn’t have to do that,” you said, greeting Steven with a peck on the cheek. He arranged the containers on the counter, perfectly timing everything to your arrival.

“I’ll remember that for the next time you’re not feeling well. Make you do everything yourself,” Steven teased, filling your plate for you.

You smiled, knowing he would never do such a thing. You both worry over each other when one isn’t feeling the best, doing whatever you can to make the other’s day easier. Steven taking care of you like this, without expecting it or asking for it, made you love him even more.

“Work that bad?” he asked when you pulled a bottle of painkillers from the cupboard.

“Just exhausting. This one guy was off today, which made it busier than normal. Felt like things just kept piling up.” You swallowed the pills with a cool glass of whatever, then pressed it to your temple for a moment, hoping it would ease the pounding in your skull.

Dinner, usually filled with conversations about all manner of things, was silent. Peace and quiet weren’t often found at your workplace and is one of the causes of your current state.

Steven, bless him, knew you well enough to give it to you now. Anything he wanted to say could wait for a better time.

Throughout the meal, you couldn’t help but notice Steven constantly, openly, staring at you.

“I’m not going to break, you know,” you teased, smiling softly as you sat back in your chair, finished eating.

“Well, now, I can’t have you straining yourself,” Steven said, collecting your plate and taking it to the sink. “I’ve got the bathroom ready for you wherever you’re up for it,” he continued casually as if he weren’t still doting on you.

You weren’t complaining about it, though.

In the bathroom, you found Steven had indeed done everything besides strip you and turn on the water. If your apartment had a bathtub, he probably would have it filled with bubbles. Instead, he left a shower steamer near the stall wall—something he insisted was for emergencies. Clearly, in Steven’s mind, this was one. He even had towels laid out beside your pajamas, neatly folded as opposed to the crumpled ball you usually had them in.

You half-expected soothing meditation music to pour from the Bluetooth speaker set up by the sink, but it never did. Steven probably worried it might irritate your headache more and refrained.

By the time you stepped out of the bathroom, the scent of the milk and honey steamer trailing after you, your head no longer felt like it would explode.

Despite it, you were still exhausted, the desire to collapse looming over you.

Usually, evenings were spent with Steven in some capacity, but you didn’t have the mental bandwidth for even something as simple as watching a trashy reality show.

“Lie with me for a bit?” Steven asked, of course ready to ambush you as soon as you left the bathroom. You wouldn’t have been surprised if he had his ear pressed to the door.

He was on the couch with the soft blanket that normally decorated the back spread out and waiting for you.

Even when you felt like shit, you weren’t passing up the chance to cuddle with your boyfriend. You happily crawled under the blanket when Steven lifted it up for you, and you leaned into his side. His hand went to the back of your neck and started lightly massaging, trying to ease any tension.

A pleased hum escaped you, your eyes falling closed.

And then Steven started to read. Opening your eyes again, you see he had something pulled up on his phone. 

“What is that?” you asked. You didn’t mind that he wanted to read to you—Steven’s reading voice was actually quite pleasant, narrating with the perfect cadence and tone.

“Hush. You don’t have to know what it is. You just need to listen,” Steven lightly scolded, taking his self-assigned job as your caretaker very seriously.

You smiled, settling back into Steven’s side, and let the words wash over you until you fell asleep.

[yslkook]

#do you have the bandwidth (7)

#corporate masterlist summary: the closer it gets to the new year, the more memorable moments you have. word count: 6.1k warnings: cursing, alcohol, discussion of mental health a/n: ENJOYYYY and thank you to @taestybae​ <333

After you had texted Jungkook after the holiday party, it seemed like neither of you went longer than a few days without texting each other. Most of it was for work related reasons- but Jungkook was aching to talk to you about anything outside of work.

And at work, his head spins when you spend a few extra minutes at his cubicle as you’re passing by-

“Your boss would be ashamed at the state of your desk plant,”

“We don’t all have a green thumb, okay-”

“You don’t need a green thumb to take care of a succulent, Jungkook! Look at it! She just needs a friend.”

“You be her friend then.”

“We are friends,” You murmur with a blinding smile, “Aren’t we?”

“Y-yeah,” Jungkook swallows nervously.

And then you had asked him if he wanted to have lunch with you and Seokjin, a request that had made his head spin. Do you even know what you’re doing to him?

From the oblivious smile on your face, he thinks not.

But it’s so easy to insert himself into conversation with you. You always look to him, to make sure if he has something to say, that he says it. You do that with everyone, really. Whether it’s at work or not-

“Hey, I made a lot of samgyeopsal last night,” You say, opening your container once you’re seated at the table, “Figured you’d want some?”

Jungkook looks at you and then the container a few times. His stomach rumbles and his heart flips, a betrayal of his own body. 

You’re already placing some in his plate without asking, along with some rice. It’s all so very domestic, despite the fact that you’re both in the middle of the office cafeteria.

“Jin likes samgyeopsal, too,” You muse, “Especially the way Grandma makes it. Grandma cooks so much better than me. She says Appa used to cook better than me, too.”

You laugh and Jungkook is stunned. He doesn’t think you’ve ever opened up about home to him before. 

“What else do you like cooking?” 

Your eyes light up as you rattle off different things you’re trying. You tell him you want to become better at baking-

“I’m a ready and willing test subject, here at your service.”

“Oh, really?” You snort, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Jungkook eats his food in awe, his eyes wide and sparkling and lips tinted with sauce. It surprises you, how eager you are for his reaction. He moans in satisfaction, even closing his eyes as he chews.

Your face heats up. The noise that comes out of his mouth should most definitely be inappropriate for the general public of the office cafeteria.

“So much better than anything I could offer you,” Jungkook groans.

“I’m sure I’ll think of something, Jungkook.”

And while the end of the year means that things are starting to wind down with the holidays approaching- everyone is out of the office from Christmas Eve until the day after New Years- you still meet with your submissions team once before bowing out for the holiday.

It feels oddly nostalgic, as if you’re saying goodbye to friends rather than colleagues-

“Any plans, Sana?” Namjoon asks at the end of the meeting. All of your laptops are down, having finished your work about twenty minutes ago. 

This was the best part. Finishing the work early so that you could catch up with each other. Ever since Tokyo, you’ve felt the bonds between the four of you strengthen into something more than just workplace associates.

“Going to my grandparents’ with my dad,” Sana replies, leaning back in her chair, “You?”

“Visiting the family. I’ll be here for new years though,” Namjoon muses and turns to you.

“Oh, yeah. Me too,” You nod and Jungkook nods in agreement.

“Nobody’s traveling this year?” Namjoon asks, “We’re all wasting our youth. But our families are gettin’ older, huh?”

Namjoon is nothing if not tactful. 

“Maybe next year,” Jungkook jokes, eyes crinkling.

You groan and smack your palm to your forehead, “It’s too early for ‘next year’ jokes, Jungkook. Reign it in.”

“No such thing as too early,” Jungkook protests.

“You’re the type to come in the first day back and tell everyone that you haven’t seen them since last year,” You tease, and Jungkook lets out a surprised laugh.

“So what if I am? It’s a timeless joke!”

“Oh, is it?”

Namjoon rolls his eyes as you both playfully bicker. “Before we leave, since this is our last meeting for this project… Thank you for all of your hard work in the last few months. You’ve all really stepped up, and I’m proud to lead a team as strategic, smart, and flexible as this one.”

“Watch out, Namjoon, you’ll put a tear in my eye,” You interrupt with a grin. He shoots you an impressed glare and you shut your mouth.

“As you know, Tokyo will be here in February. And I expect nothing but the best from us. But until then… Enjoy the holiday, and be safe and well. And spend time with your loved ones.”

Jungkook catches the soft look in your eyes. You bite your bottom lip nervously, feeling like you have to say something. At least to Namjoon.

So you muster every ounce of bravery in you and open your mouth. “Thanks, Namjoon. For… everything.”

Well, nobody said you were a poet.

And sometimes you might text him after work, too. Sometimes you send pictures of your dinner and dessert to him. And he, without fail, compliments every single one of them with an array of emojis. 

Jungkook sometimes can’t believe it. He finds himself asking Taehyung if he’s dreaming- that you’re really texting him. Taehyung rolls his eyes and smacks the back of his head.

Sometimes when you try new wines with Grandma, you tell him about it. You send him snapchat videos once in a while, after a few glasses of wine detailing your assessment of the wine-

Hey. It’s me. Today, I tried this five year old pinot noir. Don’t even like pinot noir like that. Don’t you think all wines taste the same? Except pinot noir. Pinot noir tastes like the devil’s lettuce.

When you send him snapchat videos, his heart seizes in his chest at the flash of your name on his screen. The camera will be facing you, voice slurring and a little high pitched. In one of them, he thinks you’re in your bed, under the covers half asleep. 

And when he sends you little videos back, he stammers in nervousness. In fact, he drops his phone more than once while recording himself doing his skincare routine to send to you.

The fact that you willingly send him these silly snapchat videos of your sleepy voice, sends a flutter of butterflies through his belly.

Jungkook starts going to bed with a goodnight text from you more often than not.

You surprise him again, on a random Thursday night, asking him what he’s doing. It’s the Thursday before Christmas.

Normally, Seokjin is your go-to to text when you can’t sleep at night. But you find yourself curiously hovering over Jungkook’s text message thread more often than not these days.

Jungkook is playing video games and the moment he sees your name flash across his screen, he gets distracted. A chorus of protests echoes in his ears when he suddenly pauses to check his phone. It’s close to 1 AM, and he wonders what you’re doing awake.

you : hi you: what are you up to you: i cant sleep lol jungkook: is this a booty call? You: lmaoo shut up. if this was a booty call u would know jungkook: what’s a dude to think

Jungkook blames his next text on the fact that it’s after hours, also known as vulnerable hours.

jungkook: when a pretty girl texts u at 1 AM what am i meant to think you: idk, go ask whoever else is texting u at 1 AM 

Of course, you don’t take the bait. Who does he think he is?

you: i was just thinking about u

He pretends like his hands don’t shake as he types his response to you. It appears that he’s feeling brave tonight.

jungkook: want to facetime? 

His heart races in anticipation when he sees three dots on his screen. They go away in a flash and before disappointment settles in, you’re FaceTiming him.

Jungkook nearly fumbles his phone in his hand before he answers. 

“H-hi,” He mumbles in greeting, a tired smile gracing his features.

You cannot believe that you’re FaceTiming Jungkook. You don’t remember FaceTiming anyone who wasn’t Jin. You wonder if he can feel your nerves through the screen.

“Hi,” You say with a wave, “What are you wearing?” 

You wink at him, eyes dark, before bursting into laughter.

“I thought this wasn’t a booty call,” Jungkook deadpans. As if his cheeks aren’t pink from your words.

“‘S not,” You promise with a laugh,  “Were you sleeping?”

“Nah, I was playing video games with-”

“Oh! I’m sorry, I just barged in on your plans with your friends,” You say apologetically, chewing on your bottom lip, “I didn’t even ask if you were free-”

“Relax, I’m the one who asked if you wanted to FaceTime, remember?” Jungkook says soothingly, and you instantly feel your heart calming from the sincerity in his voice.

“Yeah. ‘Cause you thought this was a booty call,” You grin and Jungkook giggles.

What a sweet sound.

“I’m going to get into bed,” Jungkook murmurs, “Gimme a sec.”

He leaves his phone slanted on his chair, giving you a view of him walking away from you to refill his water bottle from the fridge. You can’t help but stare- even though his clothes are quite baggy, you can make out the outline of his ass through his sweatpants. 

He does have a nice peach. You’ve always thought so. You could probably bounce a quarter off of his ass. Not that you ever would.

“I feel like I’m in your pocket,” You say once Jungkook picks his phone up and heads to his bedroom. He makes sure the lights are off before heading in and closing the door and puts his headphones in his ears.

“You can be my pocket pal,” Jungkook says, getting comfortable in bed.

“How flattering.”

You’re cuddled under your covers on your side, the light from your nightstand illuminating your face. Jungkook sees dark circles lining your undereyes, and a tint of nervousness in your gaze.

You look cozy and cuddly, a little contemplative, and he wonders what’s on your mind. 

“Hey,” You say, voice turning a little serious, “Thank you. For… For answering my text. And for being my friend, in general.”

Your face is heating up, vulnerability pooling in your eyes. You want to look away- maintaining eye contact even through the camera feels like too much. But you’re working on it. You’re working on being more vulnerable to those around you. 

You want to let him in. It hurts how much you want to let him in.

“O-oh. You don’t… You don’t have to thank me for being your friend,” Jungkook stammers. How must you feel about yourself if you feel the need to thank him for just being a friend to you? “Are you...okay?”

Your eyes widen and you play with the hem of your shirt to distract yourself for a second. “Yeah-”

“You don’t have to pretend with me,” Jungkook says softly. 

You pause for a second, heart pounding in your ears. The only person you’ve ever talked to this about is Jin. But maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if you spilled your thoughts to Jungkook.

You’ve never been the best with words. 

“Um,” You say in a tight voice, “I just… I had a really hard day today at therapy. So I can’t sleep.”

Jungkook catches the hesitation in your tone. He’s not the best at comforting people, he thinks. But he’ll try, for you. For you, he’ll try anything.

“Are some days easier than others?” Jungkook asks, trying to probe what you’re comfortable with sharing and what you’re not.

“Yeah. I’ve had worse days, but this has been a tougher day than usual…”

“What do you usually do? On tough days?”

“Mostly just sleep. And then wake up feeling worse,” You laugh dryly.

“Maybe journaling would help. It’s a good way to get rid of the buzzing in your head,” Jungkook suggests and your eyes light up.

“Really? I’ve been thinking about it but I never know where to start,” You reply, “Do you journal?”

“Yeah, sometimes,” Jungkook nods, “You just write...Whatever comes to mind. Get it off your chest. You can make your journals pretty too, if you want.”

“I’ll look into it,” You muse, “Thanks, JK.”

Jungkook’s eyes turn into crescents as he gives you a blinding smile. “Talking to friends helps, too. Even if you don’t want to share everything. Just talking helps.”

Your smile begins to fall and Jungkook quickly tries to backtrack but you beat him to it. “I don’t… have many friends, Jungkook,” You say softly, “As you may have gathered by now. I don’t think I have much to offer.”

Another dry laugh. It breaks his heart a little. What do you think of yourself? Do you recognize when the room lights up when you enter it, when people laugh at your jokes, when people praise you? 

“You have me,” Jungkook says instantly, “You have me, you have Jin. I’m always here if you want an ear.”

“Even at 1 AM, when you’re playing video games with your friends and I’m the dumb bitch who interrupts-”

“Stop that,” Jungkook says firmly, “Yes, even at 1 AM. Especially at 1 AM.”

He reminds you of Jin, when he tells you to stop with the immediate self-deprecation. It makes you smile fondly.

“JK,” You say slowly, “I’m… here for you, too. If you ever need an ear.”

He throws you another blinding smile. It’s no surprise that your dreams that night are filled with that soft bunny smile.

As Seokjin claims, the best way to get to know someone is over food. Not that he’s wrong- but it’s the first time you’re meeting Yuna and you’re incredibly nervous.

You feel like you’re going on a first date. This unfamiliar first date feeling keeps creeping back more and more lately. How bothersome.

Grandma even asks you why you’re so jumpy-

“You finally going on a date?”

“No! I’m meeting Jin’s new girlfriend. Her name is Yuna,” You roll your eyes.

She gasps, “It’s about time someone snatched that boy up, if you wouldn’t.”

You arrive about ten minutes early to brunch, tapping your foot against the floor restlessly as you scroll through your phone. You wait at the table for them to arrive-

Jin nearly screeches your name from across the restaurant. A pretty woman, Yuna you presume, only laughs at his antics. She loops an arm around his upper arm easily. Despite many of the restaurant patrons glaring at them for causing a scene, Jin pays it no mind.

“Hi,” You breathe and Jin pulls you to him for a tight hug. He holds you in his arms, peering at you as if you’re transparent. “You gonna let me say hi to Yuna, or are you gonna keep staring?” You ask dryly.

Jin gasps, clearly affronted, “I haven’t seen you in days! Excuse me, for missing my best friend.”

“You’re excused,” You grin, but squeeze his arm in appreciation.

Yuna waves at you from next to Jin, rolling her eyes at him. “If he ever lets go of you, maybe I can finally say hello…”

“I knew this was a bad idea. Bringing you both together,” Jin grumbles.

“Hey, you made your bed. Now lay in it,” Yuna says, rubbing his cheek fondly.

To your surprise, Yuna doesn’t pull you for a hug immediately. Instead, she shakes your hand. It might seem awkward to anyone else, but you appreciate it. You appreciate not being hugged by someone you had just met. Jin probably told her that you don’t like impromptu hugs.

You’ve been on edge all morning. But it starts to fade away, slowly. When you sit down next to Yuna and across from Jin. Jin doesn’t mind that you both are engrossed in conversation without him- in fact, he encourages it. He only watches with adoring eyes, drinking his coffee.

“How did you and Jin meet,” You ask curiously, “He gave me the big picture, but lemme hear the details!”

“Seokjin! You never told your best friend how we met?” Yuna gasps, hand against her chest dramatically, “I don’t know if I should be offended or not.”

“What! I did,” Jin pouts, glaring at her playfully.

“Oh, did you? Actually, I would be more offended if I was your best friend and didn’t know all of the details,” Yuna complains.

“Oh, I like her,” You grin, pointing to Yuna, “Bottom line, it’s Jin’s fault. So tell me then-”

“Well,” Yuna says, turning back to you, “As funny as it is, I met him at a coffee shop…”

And she tells you about how Jin started frequenting the same coffee shop for weeks in hopes that he’d catch a glimpse of her after the first time. Your heart aches only a little over the fact that you had no idea. It’s okay though- it’s not about you. She tells you that he had somehow figured out her coffee order and was waiting with her order when he asked for her number.

Yuna whispers that she was a sucker for him right off the bat, and you both share a laugh over that. Even though it’s only been a few weeks, a little over a month, you can see how much she likes him. And how much he likes her.

She also looks at you in the same way Jin does sometimes- like she can see right through you with knowing, curious eyes.

It doesn’t unnerve you as much as you thought it would.

You’re on a mission, with two bags of fried chicken in the passenger seat of your car. Today, you’re planning on paying a visit to Jimin and Hoseok in their dance studio. They’ve been here for years, and you haven’t seen them. Not even once.

First date jitters settle in your belly again. You’re only making good on your promise to them in Tokyo- that you wouldn’t be so much of a stranger again.

Fried chicken and bubble tea would be the way back into their hearts. Hopefully.

With a deep breath, you park your car into the lot, away from the rest of the cars. And you take your time pulling the food and trays of bubble tea out of your passenger seat before arriving at the front door of the studio. One of the students who is about to leave sees you struggling at the door, and lets you in without a second thought. 

“Thank you,” You murmur and he nods at you before exiting the building.

You spot Jimin with his back turned away from you, talking to Hoseok. It must be something important, from how serious the expression on Hoseok’s face is. But Hoseok pulls away from Jimin when he sees you in the mirror that lines the wall.

He looks surprised, but gives you a bright smile. 

“Uh,” You say, with a weak smile, “Hi. I brought food.”

“Is that fried chicken?” Jimin says, peeking at the bags. You nod and Jimin smiles, taking the bags from you and setting them on the floor.

“And you got our favorite bubble tea flavors,” Hoseok says in approval. You help him set the food and teas in front of you and stretch your legs.

“You should’ve texted! We could’ve gone to dinner or something,” Jimin says, plating the fried chicken for everyone.

“Ah, I wanted to…” You trail off, “Wanted to see the studio. And surprise you both. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“It has,” Hoseok murmurs, scratching his chin. His eyes are warm and sunny, just as you remembered all those years ago. It’s interesting, how it’s been so many years since you’ve held a conversation with either of them. And yet, it feels like no time has passed at all. 

You suppose that’s what adulthood is. And maybe you missed some of it while you were in your very own black hole.

“Tell me,” You demand softly, “Tell me everything. And where is Yoongi? Jin mentioned he has a recording studio?”

So they do- they tell you everything, from how they got the seed money for the school, how they train backup dancers and main dancers, and have just expanded their team so that they can train younger kids, too. 

“Took a while to get here,” Hoseok shrugs, “But we’re here.”

“Yeah. We are,” You say wistfully, “I’m happy for you guys. I remember...how this was your dream. In school. So… I’m happy to see it come true.”

“Ah, don’t go getting all sappy on us now,” Jimin teases and you roll your eyes.

“Hey, finish your bubble tea. Let’s dance it out,” Hoseok says. Your lips part in surprise, about to protest. But they’re both persuasive and you’re not immune to their charms.

So you dance with them, the music bouncing off of the walls, the mirrors and reverberating in your blood and making your heart pound. You dance with them, you laugh, and you even cry a little.

Nerves seize you as you walk towards the karaoke bar from your Uber with Jin and Yuna. You had driven to Jin’s apartment and left your car there, to Uber (and pregame) with them. He refused to let you take an Uber by yourself all the way from home into the city. It’s been years and you’ve given up fighting him on it.

Yuna has an arm slinked around your shoulders as she leads you inside, seemingly sensing your nerves.

So many people, mostly faces you don’t recognize are at the karaoke bar. Yuna pulls you away, to introduce you to her girlfriends.

Yuri, Sooyoung, Seohyun. They talk to you as if you’ve been a part of their circle since the beginning. It makes you yearn for it- for girl friendship.

Yuri suggests a round of drinks and shots for everyone, and you go with her to the bar to get the bartender’s attention.

You catch Jungkook’s eye and you tell Yuri you’ll meet her at the bar.

“Hi, Jungkook,” You breathe, a little nervously. You smile brightly at him, opening your arms for a hug without a second thought. He also looks delicious, a fact that you had been all too aware of. He’s wearing a baggy white shirt and a bomber jacket, paired with tight, black jeans and combat boots. Two silver hoops sit pretty in each ear, and a metallic feather dangles from his right ear. He has his hair pinned back, exposing part of his undercut to you on his left side. On his right side, his hair falls over his eyes in an effortless waterfall.

You want to push his hair back. You resist the urge and clasp your clutch tightly.

He smells spicy and warm. Like always. You could drown in his arms, you think. You don’t want to let go of him, you quite enjoy the feel of his strong arms easily wrapped around you.

But he lets you go and you let him go.

“Hi,” He says, his eyes crinkling, “How’s it goin’?”

“Good,” You murmur, “You sober?”

“Nah, had a few drinks with Tae at home,” Jungkook says, pointing to Taehyung. Who’s currently chatting Yuri up at the bar.

“He’s trouble,” You laugh lightly.

“You don’t have to tell me twice. I live with the guy.”

Jungkook had seen you walk in with Seokjin and Yuna earlier. You were deep in conversation with Yuna, throwing your head back in laughter. He’s glad- he’s glad that you’re finding friends outside of Jin. He knows it’s hard for you to open up. But he’s proud of you for trying.

He knows this because you’ve told him. Late at night, via text. During vulnerable hours, as he’s dubbed them. He’s flattered that you feel comfortable enough to share such things with him. He’s only known you again for a few months, but the way you had been in the beginning is a stark contrast from how you are now.

You’d been mean in the beginning, a little rough around the edges. But now, you’re a little softer. He likes you like this. Jungkook doesn’t like when you’re deliberately mean. 

Even if you haven’t truly apologized for how you’d treated him in the beginning, he thinks it's mostly forgivable.

You look so pretty- is the first thought that runs through his head. As it generally always is. You’re wearing a black velvet off the shoulder top that proudly shows your tattoos off on display and a thin gold necklace at the base of your throat. A watch sits pretty on your wrist, your pants are tight around your thighs...

He could stare at you for hours. Jungkook loves the way your face relaxes when you laugh, loudly and genuinely.

Jungkook’s throat goes dry, the same way it did at the holiday party. He can’t keep his eyes off of you- your bare shoulders, the dip of your chest, the swell of your ass… 

If he doesn’t watch himself, he might have to rub one out in one of the dirty bathroom stalls. And this time, he probably won’t be so lucky to be alone in the bathroom the way he was at the party.

He just can’t believe how pretty you are, and how he gets to see you like this as often as he does.

Taehyung snaps his fingers in front of Jungkook, waving his hand in front of his face. “Hellooooo,” Taehyung says, “Anyone home?”

“Shut up,” Jungkook grins, shoving his hand to the side.

“The hell are you staring at?” Taehyung mutters, following Jungkook’s line of sight and sees you, “Oh. No wonder. Your girl’s here.”

“She’s not my girl,” Jungkook protests.

“Yeah, don’t I know it,” Taehyung scoffs, “You gonna make a move? Or should I?”

Jungkook rolls his eyes, shoving Taehyung’s shoulder. Seokjin approaches both of them, throwing an arm around them and Jungkook forces his eyes away from you. Jungkook smells alcohol on Jin’s breath- he’s screeching about how he wants them to meet Yuna-

“Jin, she’s right there,” Jungkook says with wide eyes, “You can just-”

Over the last few months, being under Namjoon and Seokjin’s tutelage feels like he’s gained two older brothers. While Jungkook was initially wary about developing such close relationships with colleagues, let alone superiors, the pull of friendship was too tight for him to really resist.

Jin smacks Jungkook’s shoulder roughly, “You think I don’t know that! That my girlfriend is right there! She’s with your girl-”

Jin’s smile twists into a smirk and Jungkook’s jaw drops. 

“Close your mouth, Kook. Lookin’ like a damn fish outta water,” Jin says smugly, “I know everything. Don’t you forget it, kid.”

Jungkook just pouts at him, “I’m not a kid.”

“You kissin’ anyone at midnight?” Taehyung asks smoothly, with his legs spread and his arm over the back of the seat to face you.

You scoff, “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

He’s easy and fun to talk to. You don’t notice Jungkook’s smile dissolving into a pout.

Taehyung looks at Jungkook knowingly, with a smirk and innocent, dark eyes. Dangerous. “Wanna be my midnight kiss?”

He’s bold. You don’t think you’ve ever met someone as bold as Taehyung. But you understand why him and Jungkook click.

“You fuckin’ wish, Taehyung,” You swat his shoulder playfully, taking a long sip of your drink.

Jungkook crosses his arms across his chest petulantly. Taehyung knows about his not so secret crush on you. He’s doing this to annoy him, but also to tell him to get a move on with you.

But he likes slow, and he wants slow with you. If you’d ever give it to him. 

“Can’t blame a guy for trying,” Taehyung says loudly, looking over your head to Jungkook subtly.

“Oh, I can definitely blame you for trying,” You roll your eyes, “C’mon. Let me get us some drinks-”

“I don’t-”

“I know you don’t like alcohol. I saw they have this fancy peach and mango drink, thought you’d like it,” You shrug and Taehyung’s face splits into a broad smile. 

“How thoughtful of you,” Taehyung beams, ruffling your hair fondly, “C’mon, Jungkook. Our girl is buying.”

You and Jungkook both roll your eyes this time, and you let your gaze land on him. “Your friend is a nuisance,” You mumble to Jungkook loudly, grinning when Taehyung pouts at you.

“Hey! I can hear you!”

“Good, that was the point.”

You were happy to be in settings like this without needing Seokjin to be a buffer for you. You think it’s progress- you can’t remember a single moment in the last five years that you didn’t need your best friend by your side to get you through events like this.

And now, you’re alone with Taehyung and Jungkook. All on your own. You think he might be proud of you. You think Appa might be proud of you, too.

“What can I get you, JK?” You ask, leaning close to him at the bar to hear what he says. 

“Soju,” He says instantly, his breath close to your ear. A shiver trails up your spine at his low voice.

“Me too,” You murmur, “We’re the only ones with any taste in this entire establishment.”

His eyes crinkle when he laughs. You love the sound. Neither of you realize that Taehyung has long disappeared. 

You lean against the bar, pushing most of your weight onto your elbows as you both wait for your drinks. Jungkook is so close to you that you can feel the warmth radiating through his white shirt and his leather jacket. You had already teased him for his white shirt before-

“You must have a lot of faith in yourself and in our friends if you think that white shirt will stay white all night.”

“I’ve got my good luck charm with me,” Jungkook winks at you.

Who does he think he is? You know he’s not talking about a physical charm, from the way he’s looking at you with stars in his eyes.

“Any resolutions this year, JK?” You prompt him, wringing your hands together.

“Nah, not really,” Jungkook shrugs, “Maybe just go see my parents and my brother more often. I wanna get back into photography, too.”

“Photography,” You hum, “That’s so very you.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah,” You nod with a small smile, “You seem like… You know how to capture a moment, even if it’s something mundane. You could make anything special, Jungkook.”

Jungkook’s cheeks flush at your soft praise. He wants to make you feel special. “T-Thanks,” He mumbles, rubbing the back of his neck shyly, “Do you have any resolutions for the new year?”

“I don’t know,” You shrug, “I think this year… I want to let myself be happier. Not much of a resolution but…” You trail off, suddenly alarmed.

“Sorry,” You mumble, “Didn’t mean to kill the mood.”

“What?” Jungkook says with wide eyes, “You didn’t. Trust me.

“And for what it’s worth… You deserve to be happy. H-happy looks good on you.”

A pet name almost slips out of his lips. Almost. The beaming, bashful smile you give him makes his heart race and his insides warm. 

“Is that the only thing that looks good on me?” You bat your lashes at him, lips formed into a pretty pout and Jungkook feels his knees weakening. He swallows nervously. Do you even know what you do to him?

Before he can muster a stuttering reply, the bartender appears with your bottles of soju. You turn a little too quickly on your heel, your heel slipping out from under you.

Of course you’re going to trip and bust your ass in front of everyone. And most importantly, in front of Jungkook. You squeeze your eyes for the inevitable thump of your ass hitting the wet floor, but it never comes.

Instead, you feel a warm, strong arm wrapped tightly around your waist. You feel your back against a solid chest. Your throat instantly goes dry and you force yourself to turn in his arms to look at him.

“You’re clumsy,” Jungkook says quietly, only for your ears. His eyes are teasing, his voice low from the rumble in his chest.

“N-no,” This time you’re the one who’s flustered, “Floor’s wet…”

Neither of you move away from each other. Your hand is still tight around his bicep, his hand firm against your waist. How is it that he always makes you feel like you’re the only girl in the world?

He could kiss you. You could kiss him. He could kiss you. You could kiss him. 

Instead, you stay in his arms for a little longer. Both of you sipping on your soju and sharing sweet smiles and starry eyes.

At least until Seokjin whisks you away, yelling at you for not even having one drink with him yet.

There are about thirty seconds left until the New Year. You can’t help it- you want to see Jungkook. He makes your heart flutter and pound at the same time- with his smile that you like to pretend burns a little brighter when it’s directed at you.

You find him, towards the back of the bar. He’s in conversation with Taehyung and Jimin but when Taehyung notices you noticing Jungkook, he grins to himself. And leaves the conversation, dragging Jimin with him.

You don’t notice that. You only see Jungkook.

The confusion in Jungkook’s doe eyes is cute, but it washes away when he sees you. His heart picks up again, throat going dry.

The countdown has begun already. Fifteen seconds left.

“Jungkook,” You say a little breathlessly. Jungkook can see the slick of tipsiness in your eyes when you flick your gaze from his lips to his eyes. You lean into him, chest to chest. Your voice catches in your throat when you realize your proximity.

You can see the mole beneath his pouty lower lip. Neither of you moves.

“Yeah?” He murmurs.

You could kiss him. He could kiss you. You could kiss him. He could kiss you. 

Five!

“I just-”

Four!

“I’m happy you’re in my life again-”

Three!

Jungkook says your name. “Me too. Really happy-”

Two!

His eyes are wide, unsure but sparkling. Adoring, even. And he’s looking at you like that.

One!

A chorus of cheers erupt behind you and you muster all of your courage. To press your lips against his cheek gently. Jungkook’s heart stutters, singing at the lingering touch of your lips against his skin. It’s not much, but it’s enough for his cheeks to turn pink and for yours to heat up.

It’s just you and him in this crowded, noisy bar. Everything else fades away when you stand with him.

A soft gasp leaves his lips, blowing on your face. He gives you a bashful smile, and you’re surprised at your own actions.

Your name sounds so good on his tongue. Like honey.

“Happy new year,” Jungkook says softly. He dares to press his forehead to yours and you exhale shakily at the action. You feel warm all over, as if bubbly champagne has been poured into your veins. You feel his hand at your waist.

“Happy new year, JK,” You say easily with a disarming grin. 

Jungkook wants to kiss you, kiss the gloss right off of your pretty lips. But not yet, not here. Not when he hasn’t taken you on a date, when he hasn’t even held your hand yet.

Not yet. Not here.

The way he looks at you, as if you’ve somehow captured stardust in your smile, it excites you and scares you at the same time. You don’t think anyone has ever looked at you this intensely, as if they can see right through you.

It sets your nerves on fire. You sway on the spot, leaning into the warmth of his forehead on yours.

“Happy new year,” Jungkook says again, dimples on display. He wonders if you can feel the tremble of his hand against your waist. Or if you can feel the way his heart is about to explode out of his chest.

You think you could spend hours glancing into his deep, sparkling eyes. A flash of his cold eyes from months ago intrudes your memories, but it’s gone as soon as it comes. 

His brown eyes are so warm and toasty- ringing in the new year with his soft gaze on you like this feels right.

tags: @koo-zy​

[dmnsqrl]

weird feelz

that on the one hand I am struggling with loneliness and isolation

and yet the other day it just so happened that two people closer-to-the-moat-I-have-recently-dug-around-the-core-of-my-life were separately chatting with me at the same time for about an hour and while interacting each each of them is both pleasant and accomplishes goals important to me - having 2 synchronous/"real-time" conversations at once was definitely a significant cognitive challenge

and it's a little disheartening to be reminded that interacting with others is HARD for me

especially when I am NOT someone for who in person interaction is **easier** than even "real-time" text based chats (and phone calls? no. just. NO)

so there's a certain level of hopelessness/fear/panic that it is impossible for me to have a level of interaction with other humans that is beneficial for me without the effort of actually doing so taking up far more cognitive bandwidth and amygdala processing than my current life allows me to allocate

it's frustrating enough to know that there isn't enough time/energy/physical and mental ability for me to fit "managing my own nutrition, temperature regulation and hygiene" and "hold down a job with which I can pay bills" in a week

but then I remember that I am actually trying to juggle "managing my own nutrition, temperature regulation and hygiene", "hold down a job", "regulate my emotions (A FULL TIME JOB ALL BY ITSELF)" AND "interact with other humans"

I just....

I don't have the ability to do ALL of that with the time and resources available to me

and on top of that is the additional bitter frustration of knowing that the reasons I can't fit all of that into the same amount of time other people are expected to involves so many layered factors and issues that are atypical of most people's experience that it is INCREDIBLY difficult to communicate to most people that this is very very real and not "me being ridiculously lazy and selfish"

I'm trying so hard to take one moment at a time these days

but there are those moments when the fear that it is impossible to ever change my circumstances so that I'm not constantly struggling.... the fear that in fact everything is just going to keep getting worse and worse...

and the panic the awareness of that fear triggers... is just really difficult to manage

you do not know how much I wish there existed some kind of in patient program for "queer autistic, trauma activating 24/7 leftists" that 1. was more likely to support me in sorting things the fuck out than abusing me into even more trauma 2. that I had the resources to access 3. and without losing every physical asset I currently possess both in WA and MA (which yes, much of it is probably trash but damn it it's all I fucking have)

**sigh**

[a-bit-too-much-of-a-zelda-fan]

Linked Universe Fanfic Update!

Hey all! I have a couple major announcements for my Linked Universe fanfiction! Much like Jojo, I never intended for this to become a proper overarching narrative, so I accidentally never gave my story a title. So I came up with one. Allow me to introduce:

Oops! All Links: A Linked Universe Story

Next up is a big one: I made an AO3! You can find me HERE under the screen name FrancisDuFresne. I'll be posting the entirety of Oops! All Links there: the 17 chapters I have on Tumblr so far, then beyond, as well as the standalone "Fright." From now on, I'll be uploading new chapters on AO3 and announcing them on this blog. Expect an upload every Monday at 12:00pm EST, for at least a month. Chapter 18: "Mind the Tea" will go live next Monday, 3/22/21!

When I add older chapters to AO3, you'll notice some significant differences from the original Tumblr posts. I'll go into those changes and my reasoning behind them under the cut. As always, I'll see you in the notes!

After two years of writing what is now Oops! All Links, I've realized that Tumblr is actually kind of a terrible medium for posting prose. I try to proofread before posting, but sometimes I make whoopsies and need to edit the text retroactively. The problem is, the moment one of you lovely people reblogs a chapter, I lose complete control over the text. Any edit I make will create alternate versions and I can never be sure if someone reads an outdated version or the current, fixed version.

This is entirely my fault, not any reader's. Don't let this make you hesitate to reblog my writing. Please reblog my work if you are so inclined, I always appreciate it more than you may realize it. But this is still a problem, especially when I make big mistakes.

I don't know if you noticed, but there is a massive plot hole early on regarding how the Links react to discovering each other's powers. Chapter 1 has 38 reblogs as of writing this, so it is impossible for me to completely fix it on Tumblr. AO3 is the logical solution to that problem.

I am making significant edits to these earlier chapters to prevent that plot hole, fix some minor inconsistencies, and also rework dialogue where it makes more sense for some Links to call each other nicknames than their titles. For example, they call Time "old man" more, Warriors "Captain" more, etc.

I'm also renaming the Link from Hyrule Warriors to fit in line with the vast majority of other creators' LU content. Now my entire fic will refer to him as "Warriors" instead of "Warrior." I've decided that it probably isn't worth fixing the original Tumblr posts with those edits, so the changes will only appear on the AO3 versions.

The older chapters will go up on AO3 as I finish editing each of them. The process will speed up as I go, especially after the Fire arc. It still may take a while because I'm lowkey drowning in college work. Learning from home is a bitch, haha, this past year has been just peachy.

I'm also now co-coordinator of my Sunrise Movement hub, so that takes up some of my time and mental/emotional bandwidth. I'm trying to prioritize school and Sunrise over Tumblr, but sometimes ADHD brain gets the best of me. However it happens, I'll keep posting and being a part of this wonderful community. I love you all and have a fantastic rest of your day!

[ignitesthestxrs]

i apoligze for this in advance but idk who else to ask. so i’m attracted to women like 92% of the time but i’ve been dating a guy for a few months now. it’s not super serious yet but i still find myself feeling sad about never having had a gf/worrying i never will and just feeling like a bad queer. i KNOW that it’s terribly biphobic of me to think that if i a femme enby date a cis dude i’m not queer enough. but i also cant get past it no matter how many times i look at these ugly brain thoughts

first of all: you never have to apologise for sending me stuff like this. it is a known facet of my tumblr, and while i know i am hardly around at all, i do periodically check my inbox and am never angry or annoyed or any other negative emotion to see people reaching out for help/advice. i don’t always have the mental bandwidth to respond, but i am only ever glad that people still consider this a safe place to reach out to.

there are a couple of things i want to address here! in no particular order:

you are not a future teller or a psychic, no matter how much your worries and anxieties insist that they know what is coming. the fact that you are in a relationship with a man in this moment has no bearing on what relationships you may find yourself in, in the future. the fact that the person you are dating currently identifies as a man is no guarantee that they will always identify that way, even! you could be with them for the next couple of weeks or for the rest of your life and there are a million permutations in between and around those two options.

what i’m saying is - obsessing over things you might not do in the future because of things you are doing now is a game that nobody wins. you have no guarantees of what the future is going to hold - you can make decisions now based on what you want and/or expect the future to hold, but stressing about the path not taken means that you’re going to spend all your time straining to see that path and like, walk into a big boulder in the path you’re actually on or something. currently, you’re not even stressing about the fork in the road that you came across. you’re on a single path, and you’re worrying about a path you haven’t come across yet, which may or may not diverge from the path that you’re on, or might be in a different forest entirely and and and- at some point you gotta love the path you’re on and take in the scenery, my darling.

which, incidentally - this path? not incompatible with queerness. and i know you know this, but feeling it can be! so hard! so i am here to remind and reassure you that - queerness is not an action. the nature of identity is not things that you do, it is the person that you are. you do not cease to be non-binary because your outfit changes - your fashion choices are simply a way of expressing your non-binary-ness, and they are not the only way, and if you are not using fashion to express your enbyness then that doesn’t make you not enby. you don’t stop being enby when there is no one there to look at you and make external judgements about your gender, and you do not stop being queer because you are a femme-adjacent person dating a cis dude.

queerness is a thing that you are. you can take actions that express that queerness more clearly to outside observation, but outside observation does not change the fact of your queerness. i will not deny that it can make it easier to participate in community, because community is in part made up of particular signs that individuals recognise in each other and gravitate towards - but who you date is only one such sign. i’m a lesbian who hasn’t dated anyone for over half a decade - am i less queer because i have not hooked up with a chick in that time? i am not. if i fuck a dude am i less of a lesbian? idk man that depends on how i feel about fucking a dude. am i romantically and sexually attracted to the dude, or was his dick just inside me? what if he just uses his fingers? i feel like i could feasibly have sex with a cis man out of sheer curiosity and still be a lesbian, sure, but what if there’s a single man that just perfectly meets me where i am despite my overwhelming preference and interest in women? what if that man is trans? what does that mEAN? at which point do we stop dissecting identity and carving lines into each other?

queerness is a useful umbrella term to cover those people who exist out of heternormativity - cismen attracted to ciswomen, ciswomen attracted to cismen, exclusively. the second the spokes of that umbrella start poking you instead of protecting you from the rain, it has ceased to do its job. identity is useful in that it helps us understand ourselves and it helps us find community in other people, but there are no perfect words that encapsulate the whole of our individual experience, and there are no individual experiences that perfectly match up with another person’s individual experience, even if we use the same word/s to describe ourselves.

you can’t be biphobic at your own experiences. it’s not biphobic to look at the way you have identified previously/up to a certain point, to recognise a difference in your current behaviour, and feel weird or discomforted by this difference. it’s not biphobic to need some time to figure shit out - who you want to be, how you want to identify, what outfit fits you best. i think identity works best as a conversation with yourself - i think we should all be checking in on ourselves to make sure that the way are living is expressing the way we are being. this urge to build walls of definable identity is a protective instinct meant to save us and gather us together from the very real threats of a heteronormative society, but it can also mean we get trapped in a place that no longer suit us.

some practical advice - if the idea of never dating a girl stresses you out that much, i’d take a break from dating this dude, because it sounds like you have some work to do in terms of figuring out what experiences you want to have in life. but only you can decide where that stress line fractures, you know? but if you read this post and you sit with it for a bit and you find that the experience of dating this man is still making you miserable, it’s okay to take some time away from it. you don’t deserve misery.

that being said - like, you’ve only been dating him a few weeks? it’s cool to just envision this relationship in terms of weeks. you truly don’t have to stretch the current experience you are having out to cover the rest of your life in one daunting ‘what if’. so long as everyone involved in a relationship is clear with the terms of engagement, go forth and short term yourself some fuckin joy.

i stress, i beg, do not deny yourself the pleasure of a joyful experience with another human soul now because you are worried about what this means about other people’s perception of some amorphous identity. you are queer. you are a femme-enby person largely attracted to woman, but dating a man. you are queer, you are enough, you don’t need to question that anymore. i think that the last year, last four years, last lifetime has more than proven that life is, frankly, too fucking short. seize your joy and run with it. whether that means dating this man or take a pause to breathe and reflect, or whatever else! you’ll still be queer.

be kind to yourself my love i wish you well <3

[ibeatfor]

evolution

3/24/21

I live by the mountains

And it wasn't even by design. It just so happened that this small little place within my budget was by the foothills of the Angeles National Forest.

It was not even a year ago when a picture of me and my then husband J was immortalized in the local newspaper as we stood arm in arm watching the fire fighting being conducted on the fire raging in our "backyard".

I remember seeing the flames atop the mountains and within a hair's breadth, witnessing in awe and horror as it raced down the spine of the mountain. I think subconsciously I knew we weren't in any real danger as it hadn't crossed the street but I think I must've tugged on Inyo's leash to get him further away from the fire, as if the few inches would've made a difference. It's human instinct to withdraw from a perceived threat. His resistance pulled me out of my head and back to reality. We were (relatively) safe, why not check it out along with the bystanders and news crew that had already begun to gather? It's also human instinct to observe -it's why we inevitably rubberneck despite swearing we won't be the one to hold up traffic like that car in front of us. So we went to check it out with the crowd, 6 feet apart of course. Arm slung across each other, mine around his waist and his casually over my shoulder, we stood there watching helicopter after helicopter dump water on the patches of flames. It was this image that the photographer captured. I recall the mountains looking beat up, barren and forlorn after the fire was put out. The black scars from the ordeal showing up starkly against the blue skies made me feel bad for my beloved mountains, how they must have suffered.

Never could I imagine that months later I would be standing in the same spot alone. This time, it would just be my own two arms clasped about my small heaving self, as if to futilely hold back the overwhelming grief, feeling much the same way I imagined my mountains to look back then-beaten up and scarred.

---

So now, some more months later, as I'm out on my daily walk, I'm struck dumb by the patches of greenery that's peeping up from the mountain face. They're scattered and patchy, awkward like a teenager who isn't sure how much space to take up, but they're green and they're there nonetheless. They grow bravely and defiantly, the scars of their ordeal scabbed over by slow growth. Fundamentally I know they didn't just spring up overnight, they've been budding since the fire was put out but it still catches me by surprise. I know this but I can't help but feel taken aback because as often as I've walked this loop, I never noticed it until recently.

I flinch as I reread my past journal entries, notably the one on January 12th. Not because it’s embarrassingly raw (it is) but because it wasn't too long ago that that memory, was my reality. While I may still instinctually recoil from the memory, I can see that I've kept pace with my mountains. They've been the metronome beating steadily in the background and living by them (by lucky happenstance), I didn't realize they were also keeping me on beat, outwardly reflecting our progress in a gradual, delightful blooming of life and healing, healing and life.

When I see the dare-to-be hopeful patches of greenery bathed in the early evening sunlight, it's human, or rather, Theresa instincts to turn my face towards the warmth of the sun, to soak in its life endowing light myself.

---

3/1/21

Red cross, ActiveSGV let- I paused in the midst of compiling my mental to do list. It felt like a lifetime ago when it was all I could do to perform the bare functions of existence. Did I get out of bed before noon? Yes? Good. Did I get out of bed without breaking down? Yes? Now that was a win. Those were hard days. And while I can get out of bed before noon and without crying more reliably now, it wasn’t so long ago that I can look back without flinching at the difficulty of the memory. The possibility of relapsing, of going back to that place, is always there. But when you feel like your life as you’ve known it is being upended, you count even the small victories. I process my observation of my mid-thought with wonder. The idea that I now tentatively have enough emotional and mental bandwidth to even consider doing something else aside from making it through the day without breaking down sends a small thrill down my spine. Now that was the win of the month!

--

2/19/21

We’re creatures of habits. So when it’s a habit you’ve known for years, it’s disorientating to shake things up. This past weekend was my first road trip with R and it was enjoyable, despite my initial dread over embarking on a long journey on a Friday of a long weekend (the irony hasn’t escaped me). While it was a great first road trip together, it was also…kind of weird. Even broaching the idea of taking the trip in the first place and then planning it felt strange. I didn’t know how to navigate through these uncharted waters because I’m so used to road tripping with J. We expected to adventure on long weekends because we had established that expectations years ago. It never crossed my mind that we wouldn’t go somewhere on a long weekend.

So while I enjoyed every moment of my first road trip with R, I admit J was on my mind more often than I’d like. It was as if I was leading little Theresa forward by the hand but she kept glancing back at the past, reminiscing on how I used to do x, y, and z with J. The contrast between then and now often induced feelings of loss, longing, and heightened the sense that something was amiss, like I was going against the natural order of things. From past experience, I knew that there was only one place these devious thoughts will lead me to if I left them unchecked. So before we went down that rabbit hole, I’d give her hand as much of a reassuring squeeze as I can muster and doggedly plod on with her in tow -partially because there’s nothing else to be done at this point but mostly because I want to move forward. I can’t say with much degree of certainty that things will be better ahead, but I’d like to (have to) believe they will be.

Initially I tried to convince her not to look back and to keep her eyes always ahead and when that failed, I tried bargaining with her to not look back as often. Eventually, I relented. I allowed myself to look back as often as I needed to and that offered some relief, I was able to free myself from the guilt and the need to always keep my eyes forward.

Learning grace is part of fighting the good fight and that weekend was a prime learning opportunity. I allowed myself to look back and gave myself permission to feel everything -the discomfort from what feels like a physical wrenching of myself out of a comfortable habit and familiarity, the longing for the familiarity, the excitement of the newness, and hell, the plain strangeness of the newness. I’m learning there is space and that it’s okay to hold contradictory feelings. After all, when I’m not an Olympic medalists in mental gymnastics, I’m really a plant with more complicated emotions.

---

1/12/21

Sadness accompanies me everywhere. She trails me.

The death of a dream is always heartbreaking.

Some times I gasp aloud from the pain.

It's not your heart that aches, not for me at least. The pain is a dull, slowly pulsing pain that's nestled right underneath my heart.

I stay in the house until I can't and then I walk, heading north, until I can't. On 1/12/21, I make it as far as the northern grass patch before I have to sit down.

The sun sets as quickly, the sky flares up as quickly as I'm overcome by the pain

I wonder if I appear drunk, crunching leaves and walking until I double over.

Idk who I'm glancing around for but at this point I wouldn't mind a hug from just about anyone.

---

1/1/2021

Rustle, click, thud

I settle in the car with a rustle of clothing and plug in my phone to charge with a smart click. As the phone snaps onto the magnetic phone holder with a light thud, that’s when it usually starts. At night in cold Ole Faithful the rustle, click, thud are the sounds of my thoughts preparing to play themselves out, like the din of middle school orchestra students warming up to play. I used to dread it in the beginning, the thud signaled the arrival of unbearable sadness. Unbearable sadness was like a sharpshooter that always hit the swollen sac of sadness nestled in the hollow behind my breastbone dead on every time. The burst sac would release a mixture of pain that would flood throughout my body to the tips of all my extremities, reaching every nook and cranny. Oftentimes, I’d barely make it down the street before I’d outwardly uttered an unbidden sob and hunch over the wheel in what felt like physical pain, clutching it with all my might, the tears streaming down my face.

But now that the sadness is a little older, and maybe my tears haven softened up its heart, unbearable sadness is now just sadness and sadness stands outside the passenger door waiting patiently -but ever so ominously- for me to invite it inside. I know better than to keep it waiting so it is with slight resignation that I nod my permission and it settles in and buckles up, a faithful companion on my ride home from my nighttime forays. When I come from my mom’s house which is noisy on quiet days, being alone in Ole Faithful with my silent companion makes the silence even louder.

Rustle, click, thud. Tonight, I feel out my thoughts as they parade themselves individually to me and slowly realize that they don’t all elicit as strong of a reaction as they have before. It’s as if my reaction was ammunition and as I became less volatile, the sadness, in turn, became less violent and all consuming -it just sits there. I ease Ole Faithful onto the road and begin my journey home. While I used to dread sadness’s presence, now we sit in companionable silence. I know it’ll be around for the ride for a while.

[conceptsnest]

MENTAL/ BRAIN BANDWIDTH

Everything we do (thinking and doing) occupies some bandwidth. Some things occupy a little and others a lot. Examples of things that occupy a little, for most people, are walking, drumming your fingers, or tapping your foot, and things that we are expert at because we have done them often. Examples of things that occupy a lot are talking, listening to information, doing anything we have to concentrate hard on, doing things that we are not expert in because we have not done them before.

Driving a car is a good way to envisage this. When we were learning to drive, we had to concentrate extremely hard. We would not have been able to hold a conversation while driving. Almost all our attention was involved in trying to drive. Now that we are an expert, we do not usually have to use so much of your attention. Of course, we still must use a fair amount, but we could also have a conversation while driving. But then, every now and then while you’re driving along, something happens that means you have to focus more: the traffic increases, you come to a part of the journey where you have to look out for a turning, roadworks happen, the weather becomes difficult. Then you will find that you tend to stop conversation; you might turn the radio off; you have instinctively realised that you need more brain bandwidth for the driving.

A few more interesting examples:

1)      If someone is walking at their own pace while being asked simple but increasingly difficult mental arithmetic questions, or questions that need concentration, they will begin to walk more slowly as it become harder. Eventually, they usually stop.

2)      When someone is working while listening to music, they will almost always voluntarily turn it down or off when they come to something, they need lots of concentration for.

3)      Air force pilots practise managing disasters repeatedly because the least amount of bandwidth should be used, freeing the rest for reacting to the unexpected. Such unexpected takes a lot of bandwidth, so as many as possible scenarios must become “expected” or at least practised and automatic.

What is Mental Bandwidth (or Cognitive Bandwidth)?

Bandwidth is what allows us to reason, to focus, to learn new ideas, to make creative leaps and to resist our immediate impulses. Bandwidth refers to our cognitive capacity and our ability to pay attention, make good decisions, stick with our plans, and resist temptations. Cognitive bandwidth is the maximum amount of thinking that is available per unit of time. It can be simplified a step further. We use the term ‘bandwidth’ to refer to two broad, related components of mental function:

1) Cognitive capacity: the psychological mechanisms that underlie our ability to solve problems, retain information, engage in logical reasoning, the ability to think and reason abstractly and solve problems.

2) Executive control: our ability to manage our cognitive activities, including planning, attention, and initiating and inhibiting actions.

Time Scarcity Vs Mental Bandwidth

Scarcity creates a powerful goal that inhibits other considerations. By constantly drawing us back to that urgent unmet goal, scarcity taxes our bandwidth and our most fundamental capacities. Busy people all make the same mistake: they assume they are short on time, which of course they are. But time is not their only scarce resource. They are also short on bandwidth. For instance, although the room seems quiet, it is full of disruptions—ones that come from within. Such internal disruptions stem from scarcity. An unrealized need can capture our attention and impede our ability to focus on other things.

The impacts of scarcity on mental bandwidth can be a vicious cycle. Feelings of scarcity, whether money or time, prey on the mind, thereby impairing decision-making. When you are busy, you are more likely to make poor time-management choices – taking on commitments you cannot handle, or prioritising trifling tasks over crucial ones. A vicious spiral kicks in, your feelings of busyness leave you even busier than before.

This scarcity mindset consumes ‘mental bandwidth’ — brainpower that would otherwise go to less pressing concerns, planning ahead and problem-solving. This deprivation can lead to a life absorbed by preoccupations that impose ongoing cognitive deficits and reinforce self-defeating actions. When you focus heavily on one thing, there is just less mind to devote to other things. We call it tunnelling — as you devote more and more to dealing with scarcity you have less and less for other things in your life.

A Cognitive Bandwidth Formula

A simple but different approach to cognitive bandwidth can be demonstrated by a formula that we can all use to find mental balance:

(Cognitive Throughput + Cognitive Overhead) ≤ Cognitive Bandwidth

1)      Throughput: The actual amount of thinking done per unit of time…the throughput depends on the complexity of the stuff we are working on.

2)      Overhead: Overhead is the cost of doing stuff where we must care about organization, task switching, etc, and is paid against the bandwidth limit.

3)      Bandwidth: The bandwidth is fixed at some level which we can barely change.

The idea is to try and always make sure your throughput and overhead do not exceed your perceived total bandwidth. If you know your overhead is going to be high one day, try to plan for a reduced throughput (and vice versa).

Why is this brain bandwidth theory so relevant to wellbeing, stress and performance? 

1)      Stress and preoccupation. Three main disadvantages (among others) are:

a)      That you can have too much adrenalin and have a sense of panic instead of simple alertness.

b)      Cortisol has a habit of building up and over time causing problems with sleep, mental health, focus, mood, performance, and physical illnesses.

c)      Preoccupation. This describes the fact that if our brain bandwidth is occupied, then we have less available to focus on the task in hand.

2)      Things that occupy a lot of bandwidth:

a)      Worries, anxieties, intrusive negative thoughts – if we are worried about something or someone, it’s hard to focus on our work; we’ll make more mistakes; and we’ll be snappier.

b)      Processing information or tasks – such as things we are trying to learn, understand or remember

c)      Anything new and unfamiliar

d)      Other people being around us – they could be distracting us or making us feel unrelaxed; other people are hard to ignore

e)      Working on screens – because when we are using a screen there is almost always competing information on the screen, adverts and icons and notifications designed to attract our attention away from what we are doing.

3)      The consequences of that:

a)      Exhaustion.

b)      Mistakes and forgetfulness – the times when we have “a lot on our mind” are the times when we make mistakes.

c)      Loss of executive control –the times when you snap, say and do things you don’t mean.

d)      Loss of cognitive ability – it is harder to learn new things if we can’t devote our full attention. 

Tips for managing your mental bandwidth

A)     Ignore the Generic Methods and Experiment

There are several conflicting philosophies. For instance, a penny saved might be a penny earned, yet we're also told not to be penny smart and pound foolish. The same holds true with advice for mental bandwidth, where one source might encourage multitasking, while another demand absolute singularity of focus. Rather than trying to adapt your working style to someone else's, experiment with different techniques and keep those that are functional for you, while casting aside those that do not.

B)     Actively manage your mental bandwidth

Perhaps the biggest mistake many people make is allowing their mental bandwidth to be managed for them. The beeping phone, meeting request, or act performed for ritual or obligation all rob our limited mental bandwidth, and many perform these actions unquestioningly. If you allocate your focus as you see fit, and actively choose what you want to focus on, you'll be in command of your mental bandwidth.

C)      Do a bandwidth cost/benefit

Most of us are awash in meeting requests and accept without question. Everyone complains about excessive meetings, yet it's often a guilty pleasure to summon a group at your whim, or join a discussion under the assumption that your input is necessary and valuable. Simply asking yourself whether requesting or attending is worth the cost in mental bandwidth is a great start.

D)     Plan for focus time

There are tasks that require great focus, whether performing precision or dangerous manual work, or designing a complex system or bit of code. Or, you may need to spend some time with a small group, free from distraction. Book a block in your calendar, shut off your phone, move to a different physical location, or do whatever is required to create the right circumstances to have the necessary focus to get the job done.

E)      Know when to throw in the towel

For many of us it can be tempting to put in the extra hour at the office, or delay vacations for what's perceived as a critical set of meetings or deadlines. Trying to squeeze out the last ounce of mental bandwidth can be tempting in the moment, but it's ultimately an effort with rapidly diminishing returns. Calling it a night, taking that long-delayed vacation, or even the simple act of a quick walk around the office will recharge your mental energy and make you more effective in the long run.

F)      Don't make assumptions about your team

It can be tempting to assume that what works for you will be effective for others, even to the point of designing your physical spaces and policies around what you assume will allow your team to best manage and deploy their mental bandwidth. Rather than assuming, ask your team how you can help them be most effective. Allow your teams to experiment and find what works for them, and use the end result as the benchmark for success.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

In an effort to make myself feel a little better about Infinity War and certain events therein, I want to talk about something that’s sad but in a not-completely-crushingly-awful way (behind a cut because I don’t know if we’re still warning for Infinity War spoilers but I prefer to err on the side of caution):

specifically, I want to talk about the contrast between Loki’s last words to Thanos and his last words to Kurse (because he absolutely did not expect to survive being impaled, fight me).

The similarities between “See you in Hel, monster” and “you will never be a god” are pretty obvious—Loki just has to get in the last word somehow, because he wouldn’t be Loki if he didn’t, and both lines show him being stubborn and defiant, metaphorically spitting in the face of the being that killed him. But the similarities are kind of superficial; it’s the differences that interest me. With Kurse, of course, it was a bitterly triumphant taunt, because at that point Kurse knew he was going to die too. Loki’s dying, but he’s won because he’s taking his mother’s killer with him, and he wants to make sure Kurse knows it.

With Thanos, well…at least assuming we’re to take the scene as presented (which is what I’m trying to accept, because then I’ll be less disappointed if Avengers 4 shows that to be the case, even as it’ll free up mental bandwidth to focus on better AUs if I’m not stressing as much about canon), there’s no trick, no triumph. Loki played his last gamble and it failed, and now he’s going to die. He has to hope that Thor will be able to beat Thanos somehow, eventually, but maybe he won’t, and in any case Loki won’t be there to see it. So although his last words sound like a taunt to Thanos, and they would function that way in a different context, they really don’t this time. You could say, for that reason, that Loki’s last words to Thanos are empty—or you could say that they’re less for Thanos at all and more for Loki himself (and maybe Thor, although it’s hard to say if Thor heard that part).

And that’s a very interesting way to look at it, because another difference is, Loki’s last words to Thanos took a lot more effort. With Kurse, he’s been impaled and he’s not doing good, but in that specific moment he was probably running on adrenaline and the high of having successfully taken revenge, which I imagine would help, and he wasn’t actively fighting; plus, he had the strength for a brief conversation with Thor even after Kurse imploded. With Thanos, again, none of those things are true. Despair would be a reasonable reaction, for one thing. For another, I mean, Thanos is literally strangling him to death. All of Loki’s strength is devoted to two things: trying and failing to fight for his life, and trying and failing to breathe. He doesn’t have energy or air to waste on saying something that isn’t going to make a difference, but he forces the words out anyway because it’s important to him to say it—more important, we could infer, than his last words to Kurse.

That’s the part that I find…well, encouraging isn’t the right word. Bittersweet, if anything; sad but in a not-completely-crushingly-awful way, and it adds to how proud I am of my disaster child that I love so much. Because the biggest contrast between “See you in Hel, monster” and “you will never be a god” is what it says about Loki himself, or rather, how Loki sees himself. Sure, he’s calling Kurse a monster destined for Hel, but he’s saying the exact same thing about himself. His death in the process of killing Kurse was the best he could hope for at that point, the best use of Asgard’s pet monster. He’d done something good and got his revenge, but that didn’t change the way he saw himself, as a monster who deserved nothing better than eternity in Hel. 

But by Ragnarok, a few years have passed, and although we haven’t actually seen it happening, it’s clear that Loki’s been doing some healing, in his own unconventional way. He’s had time to deal with some of his issues and reframe the narrative of his own life, and maybe he’ll never be completely happy with who and what he is (Asgardian, Jotun, son of Odin and Frigga, brother of Thor, God of Mischief), but…he’s begun to make peace with it. Coming back to Asgard and to Thor at the end of the movie cements that—and everything he says to Thanos explicitly affirms it.

“You will never be a god” is a statement about Thanos, sure. But it’s a statement about Loki, too. He’s not just a monster, and he’s not just the pawn Thanos made him. He’s a god. He’s Loki. After his very sense of self was shattered in Odin’s vault and everything that happened after, Loki knows who he is again. He is himself again, right up to his last breath, and nobody can take that away.

[fandammit]

You gonna update anytime soon or...?

Usually when I get snarky update anons like this, I try to ignore them or approach it from a more understanding place. Maybe, I think, this person doesn’t realize how they’ve come off. Maybe they’re trying to convey excitement instead of impatience. Maybe they actually think this is the best way to encourage me to update. 

But anon, I’m so fucking tired, so I’ll be honest with you: 

This is really rude 

This makes you sound very entitled

This does not make me want to update in any way

And not that you asked for it or even deserve it, but here’s why I haven’t been able to update: 

A few weeks ago, my sister had her baby early and I flew out to Seattle to be with her and help take care of my first ever niece and help my sister out where I could. This meant staying up from 12-3am every night to hold my niece and rock her while my sister and brother in law got well deserved and needed sleep. This meant cooking dish after dish and freezing them, so they had ready to eat meals; going grocery shopping for them; cleaning their house; and basically whatever else they needed as new, first time parents. Family comes first. 

Then I came home to a husband with strep throat and a dog with giardia, so I then spent that next week making sure everyone was eating and getting fluids and keeping the house clean so we didn’t all just reinfect one another. It was somewhat successful because I only got a little bit sick – meaning that I was able to recuperate the weekend after my husband was finally able to eat a full bowl of soup after a week. My husband and my health come first. 

Oh, and during that same week, the project I work on for half the year – the summer internship program that I run – began and I had to get five interns from different African nations settled, had to run their orientation, make sure their immigration documents were in order and generally just dedicate every moment to making sure the program is running smoothly. Work comes first. 

And this week? Well this week, I have a two week graduate writing program, which means that I go to school every morning, rush to work in the afternoon, work an hour later than usual, so that I can then go home, eat dinner, work on homework, work on my graduate research project, do more work for one of my two jobs, before I go to bed and do it all over again. School comes first. 

Writing fic is a hobby. Which means it’s a luxury. Which means it only happens when I have the physical, emotional and mental bandwidth to indulge in it. 

And guess what? I’m a 30 year old adult with one full time job and a second writing job. I’m a graduate student in the final two months of her program. I’m a dedicated family member, with parents and in-laws and a brother that all live nearby, with a husband I love and a dog I adore. 

So as much as I love writing fic and as much as I love the fact that you and other people love the fic that I write, and as much as I appreciate each and everyone person who reads and comments and flails in my inbox and on Ao3, here’s what I want you to remember: 

I do all this for fucking free. 

I’m not usually this blunt, but like I said, I’m tired. And while I love hearing from my readers, it’s really, really discouraging to get shit like this and to feel like I’m less an author that you admire and more a fic writing machine for you to insert your personal assumptions into and expect fic the moment you want it. 

So send encouragements. Send your feelings about what fic writers have done well. Send how much you love the story. But for the love of God, remember that the fic writer is a person who writes for free and has a life and don’t send demands for updates. 

And I understand I probably brought this on myself. I kept saying I was planning on updating this week or that week, so I apologize for that. So let me clear that up now: I honestly don’t know when I’ll update anything next. 

But I do know that I’m tired of feeling like I’m in trouble or feeling guilty every time I want to spend time with my husband or binge watch a show or even just sit and do nothing rather than writing. So I’m just going to take it one day at a time, write whatever brings me joy, when it brings me joy – and that may be my WIPs, it may be these fic requests, it may be some random ass thing that falls into my head. Whatever it is, I’m going to do it for me and what works for me, not whatever some random anon thinks I ought to be doing. 

[plotbunnyshipper]

Visitation - part of the draft of the next chapter (3A if you will)

I know I’m not getting the full thing out tonight with the Arrow premiere, so with only a glance over it it (aka very likely there are some typos or things that need a few lines to get from A to B clearly) here is the draft of the first six of the last seventeen pages of this thing.

Explicity, not kid friendly, all that.

Ao3 link for the stuff that I’ve actually checked over.

She shakes her head, not ending the kiss as I try to swipe a fresh tear away, instead breaking the words across small movements of her mouth. “No. It’s…Don’t waste…more time…with that.” Fingers are dragging my hand down the thing she’s wearing, a long shirt or short dress, pushing it under the hem…a startled noise escapes me as the fabric of her leggings parts and my fingers meet slick heat. Mouth freed the words are fast, “You’re not forgiven! I’m pissed at you, but I’m not stupid enough to give up these few minutes.”

I can feel the surprise showing on my face as I lean backwards, her hand stays on mine, keeping it in place, “What- what are-?” Does she have any idea how dangerous this is? How much resistance I’m having to force up to try and keep her safe? How much I just want to forget everything and hold her and never let her go again? This is…it’s fighting dirty with me in a way only she can.

“It’s called easy access.” Simply leaning closer has Felicity rubbing rubs herself against my palm, and all I can think to do to try and distract myself is to stare into her eyes, “I may be furious with you but I’m not stupid and nor in a patient mood. Do you know how hard it is to get yourself off when you're sharing a room in a crowded safe house?” I just give her the faintest of nods, I can see just when the realization dims the heat in her eyes, replacing it with sorrow and frustration. Her hand drops mine, back stiffening as she steels herself then lifts a knee to rest on either side of my legs, “I was trying in the shower, just to get a moment to myself, just one, to pretend…but instead…“ Her forehead bumps my shoulder as she straddles my lap, “Apparently one of the guards...at least she knocked before forcing the door, but I was being as quiet as I could and still that safehouse was…Not much privacy.”

Before she finishes the sentence my mind fills in details. A small shower, steaming hot, biting her hand the way she’d suck and bite at my thumb when I’d join her on rushed mornings, her fingers rubbing and tapping until her breathing turned to gasps and rough groaning…The startled jerk and screech at an unexpected knock on the shower door. The one time William had needed the nail clippers and knocked asking if I knew where they were. Of course they congregated into our bathroom, all three sets had ended up in the small cup by her sink, but the noise and question had made her shove me away so fast, so hard, I knocked over every one of the bottles of soaps, shampoos, and conditioners as she covered her chest and core as if expecting him to come charging in, forgetting the door was locked. She hadn’t been able to look at either of us for days, waiting to shower until the apartment was absolutely empty. The memory makes me fight the urge to smile.

A short lull in talking passes, surely no more than a few seconds before I notice she’s giving me a pointed look…maybe more than a few seconds. Once Felicity’s sure she has my attention she continues. “As I was saying, we spent about 6 hours in one place, then a day in the next before we had to move to a different one, but ‘company’ was waiting, so we tried one more option that was the shower one. When that went bad William and I split off to the ass end of nowhere so Dragon’s people couldn’t find us in yet another ARGUS locale. They haven’t found us since, but that meant losing the support, now it’s the two of us in a one bedroom apartment, I let him have the bedroom and I get even less privacy.”

“I’m sorry.”

She shifts back, glaring with a hard smack at my shoulder, as she stands again to pace, leaving me to stare down at my hand then back up at her, “Shut up, I don’t-“

I have half a blink, the time between when her hand starts to move again, and when her fingers poke that same spot she just hit, to notice a blur of red racing down the hall, pass through the bars, grab both of us by the arm for a long instant before Barry continues his circuit of wall to bars to hallway in his race back out.

“-want your sorries!” Her free hand pushes at the phone, annoyance obvious by the look on her face and the forced steadiness of her motions while clearing and restarting the timer for another four minutes. I get another glance to see the cumulative total approaching fifteen minutes as the seconds on the new one tick off. Another few presses and the soft sounds of music makes me tense and glance at the frozen guard twenty feet outside the cell again. A deep breath and false ease, “So I have a handy dandy playlist to…help set the mood and help remember to…pace ourselves considering how enthusiastic we, um, can be. With the speed we just need to be a little careful so one or both of us don’t get hurt-“

Barry’s comment from earlier, on going faster than a car right now, demands attention. “Then we sh-“

“Shut it husband!” She waits a breath to make sure I do then continues, perching herself to sit just above my knees, shifting higher when noticing the flinch I try to hide, “I heard this one at work last week. Had to go and buy the CD then rip it, like a savage, so I wouldn’t waste my limited bandwidth access. If it’s not your thing I can skip up one or two, but I do have it set with the beat increasing as we run short on time so shuffling is a no-go.”

I close my eyes, and with a focus on the sound of the music, smell of her perfume, and feel of her in my grasp I can almost imagine I’m somewhere other than here. Her lips press to mine and my mental arguments stumble to a halt.

As Felicity kisses me, pushing so I’m sprawled on my back, the music stops. Her hand grabs at the bed, “Sorry…sorry, forgot I can’t just drop it.” As soon as she touches the phone again the music resumes. A second of fumbling and it clips onto a strap around her thigh.

More kisses press and pull at my lips as I try to remember why that this is not a good idea and try to keep them light. “Felicity, you know I-“

She keeps talking like she didn’t even notice the interruption, “So wound up… No toys… can't order online because lack…of internet and credit cards …town is too small for …everyone is up in everyone else’s business…busybodies more interested in blessing me out …than in letting us live our fake lives…scant few minutes and my fingers aren't scratching the itch...I need my husband so I called in favors ...”

“Slow, slow down…” We can’t. I can’t. She can’t stay, I can’t let down my guard, can’t let myself relax. Making my face somber as I avoid the next kiss, “I’m not letting…I’m not letting you get caught in here for a few minutes of-!”

“Not letting me get caught? You think my planning didn’t take every variable into account? You’re not letting me do anything.” 

Dragging in a breath, then another, it takes too long to try and think of rational ideas why I should ignore what I want and send her away, back to the relative safety of ‘not here.’ “If something goes wrong and these…these criminals-“ I’m one of them, “sees you…If the guards see you- If I have to hear what they say about you every day for-“ That argument won’t work, honesty hasn’t always been easy but it’s worked more often than not. I put my hands on her shoulders. “Baby, what did you think was going to happen when you got here?”

She bites her lip as her focus goes to a spot on the wall and she rapidly starts listing exactly that off, like she’s reading straight from a bulleted page, “Well the gold star, everything goes right, plan A was that I’d pop in, the call would connect and you’d talk to William for a few, before he reverted from excited son back to the moody teen he’s been, of course, then you’d get down to business with our anniversary quickie. Maybe two quickies…depending on how quick the first quickie was and how long you needed between, we still could go two sets of two songs or one round of three songs, or if really ambitious and you are, well, able, three super fast one song sets, but I knew that was unlikely and you’ve already wasted enough time that I doubt you’ll just shut up and get to it in time for that. But anyways, after that, we’d gorge on a few poscoital treats, then you’d tell our fast friend which corrupt guards or sociopaths need some intervention. While he was busy with that you’d kiss me enough to last through the next time I can manage a visit, then I’d be whisked off to anonymity and short bursts of covert digital do-gooding again.”

It takes a few seconds to realize her list reached its end and try to absorb the flood of words, “…That’s…that’s detailed.”

“To be fair there is some influence from the audio books I have for my commute...the selection at the take a book leave a book is all self-help from a decade ago or trashy romances…I knew you’d be reluctant for a quickie, but I didn’t think you’d flat out demand I’d leave.”

A faint glow from outside lights her features as she nudges me back, “I have very limited alone time between getting William taken care of, and the hours I have to pull…Heck yeah it’s detailed, we’re getting explicit up in here.” She is nearly glaring at me, makeup covering dark circles under her eyes, jaw and posture tight with stress, and I can feel the chewed down nails as they dig into my wrist, but she is as fiercely beautiful as always.

“Felicity…“

Half a second and she’s moving across the cell, towards the sink, the need to move and do something when frustrated such a familiar mannerism from her. She’s spent more time pacing in here than anything else, and I know it’s going to guilt me. So faintly in the shadowed mirror, more from the reduction of white, I can see her eyes narrow, fists squeezing tight and crossing over her chest. “I can deal with holidays, with birthdays, with helping William make it through…the hard days,” she shakes her head, obviously trying to get rid of an unwelcome thought, “but I’ll be damned if I have the chance, and the means, and still chose to spend our first anniversary enti-“ Her voice cracks as the words sink in and I can’t see the angry tears forming, just the motions as she roughly smudges them away from her eyes. “I am so pissed at you some days! I don’t want to be today! Not on-”

I can’t…Can’t just…I don’t even realize I’m moving, just recognize the feel of her in my arms. “I thought I still had a week or so until…I’ve been in solitary a few times, can’t always keep track of the days in there, but I thought…I’m sorry.”

She tenses, “Fine. Whatever. Be sorry.”

Another glance out the door shows the same paused instant, repeating my concerns again. “Honey, call me what you want, it’s not that I don’t want you, but I’m not exposing you to them. If something went wrong, if things speed up, if you were caught here-“

“I planned!” She twists around to look me in the eyes, a hand moving to my face, “I had weeks, I figured it out. There are only three people in this building who will have any idea we were ever here, you, me, him. We’re good.” The last word ends in her going to her toes.

Felicity kisses me or I kiss her, it’s not really clear who is in control of it. Air is an afterthought, our lips not parting as we gasp breaths through noses that keep battering against each other. Lost in the feel of it I let her ease me back onto the bed again with small pushes. I pull her ponytail free, letting strands of blonde and pink fall around her shoulders. Never one to be passive, her hand tugs at my waistband, inching it down enough to get her fingers wrapped around my cock. If I wasn’t half hard already, my body is ready to go now, especially when the appreciative little noise she makes makes my hips buck harder into her grip.

“Baby…” I moan, then the thought flashes to mind, remembering how the IUD had to come out after she was shot, and shortly after our wedding she switched from the pill to our using condoms because the formulation had changed and was giving her headaches, if she hasn’t gone back to anything since then- I hiss out “God…wait…Need a condom.”

She just kisses me harder, shaking her head.

My hand wraps around her wrist, stopping the coaxing strokes, “We haven’t…” God damn! She can’t move her hand but she sure as fuck can squeeze. I have to clear my throat to rasp out, “We haven’t talked about-“

The view of my cell snaps me out of the moment, and earlier concerns plus this new one destroy my arousal in seconds. Felicity looks down, then releases me with a frown, her words rushing out, nearly tripping over themselves in frustration, “I called in all my favors, All My Favors, to get this visit. I broke so many laws, and I’m not wasting this chance.” She pushes at my chest, managing to hit that same spot again like there’s a magnetic draw, and I see a mix of emotions flit across her face. “You didn’t talk about your plan to lock yourself away for the rest of your life. We could have negotiated. We could have…If there is a so-called ‘happy accident’ then so be it.”

I adjust my pants to cover myself again, “I’m sure if anyone could arrange a conjugal visit you could, and we’ll have privacy, and time, and-“

“Don’t act stupid, I know you’re not! The Federal BOP doesn’t allow ‘family-reunion’ visits, which I’m sure you knew, and if not you’re too observant to not notice the lack of getting laid by everyone else! Even if they did change the laws, I couldn’t be on a scheduled itinerary, Richard Dragon would track the car before I made it into the state.” Shaking her head she goads me “Come on Oliver, make love to me, we’re married, if there’s a baby then there’s a baby, but celebrate our anniversary by at least letting me get lucky.” She has to know that however much time we have it’s not enough to love her the way I want to. “I will take umbrage if you are a grandfather before we give him a sibling. At least more than one the tabloids aren’t making up.”

“What?”

“They’ve started to trail off since you’ve been in here long enough that the false claims by others are invalid, but a few still have ‘sightings’ of me, old pictures mocked onto someone with an infant every few weeks.”

Unease twisting tight and cold in my stomach, “Felicity, I can’t do it.”

One fast move and she’s sitting at the edge of the bed, shuffling through her purse. “If this is you having a little trouble performing under the pressure I brought a little helper.” The distinctive pill she pulls out is like a slap in the face.

“You brought something for E.D.? Why would you-?”

She rolls her eyes, “Anyone can have a bad day, it’s the same reason I brought this-” reaching her hand back in Felicity fishes out a little sample sized packet of lube, she waves it in my direction, “-for me. Performance anxiety can hit anyone, and…” Tipping out her purse, snacks ranging from a small clear container of fruit, candy, energy bars, four bottles of sports drinks, to handfuls of little shot sized liquor bottles, plus a pack of clean-up wipes, an atomizer, a stun gun, a single dose injector of some sort, a handful of photos, two tightly folded pieces of paper, and another phone all tumble across the blanket, but not a single condom is in the mix, “I brought a lot of things for before, and after. I told you, I’ve been planning this out since I found out it was possible.” She swipes one of the mini bottles, twisting it open and downing it while pointing to one type she knows I drink. Her hand shakes the tiniest amount as I reluctantly take the plastic, nearly ice cold, and down it, but I don’t miss anything she does right now.

I glance down at the stun gun, then the slightly wobbling empty bottle between her fingers, “Are you…scared?” Of me?

The look I get makes it clear she knows exactly what I didn’t say. “Of course not! You know how nervous I get when putting my plans into action,” she caps and shoves the plastic into her now empty purse, then flexes her fingers, hand wavering slightly, “this adrenaline has nothing to do with you.” Under her breath she scathes a poorly mimicked ‘Are you scared?’ Snorting out an exasperated noise before she continues muttering, apparently not caring that I can obviously hear her, “Like I’ve ever been afraid to be alone with you. Acting like you’ve lost yours mind. Hit once too many times in the head in here.”

Talking over her I go back to my earlier argument, “If you get pregnant what would…You won’t be in hiding forever, what would your investors think? It’s not like you’d have a year and a half long pregnancy. What if they start wondering if you’ve broken in here, or if you’re a meta-“

“I already told you I’m not part of the company anymore! And stop thinking criminal and supernatural, start thinking normal, scientific. If it happens I’ll just claim IVF. Easy.”

Running my hand over my head, I try to explain what I know that she knows I regret about William, “I’d miss out on it. The entire pregnancy, birth, all the firsts-“

“Baby, I’m not pregnant yet, it probably won’t happen, not the right time in my cycle for it. But if it does, we’ll figure things out, now open up.” She holds up the pill.

Pushing her hand away I shake my head, “I don’t need that”

“Oh yeah? Prove it.” She stands again and moves closer until I have to capture the sides of her face in my hands, lightly bumping my forehead against hers.

“Felicity-“

Her hands are not so cautious, “Oliver?”

I take a full step back, the length of my reach stealing away most of our contact, holding her still, “Felicity-“

“Oliver.” She keeps trying to get closer, ducking down, but my hands move with her, slipping down to her shoulders in order to keep our bodies separated.

“Felicity we- I can’t do this.”

“Yes we can! Why are you so-“ She goes white, gasping so quietly I almost don’t hear her even at this distance, “Oh my god.” She backs off of me, “Baby…Baby did they….Did…did someone hurt you?” It takes a second for the implication to register. Even as I quickly shake my head she travels a different path of that rabbit trail, “Or if you think you aren’t…safe- I- I mean…you’ve been fighting, and the blood-Their blood- You don’t have your armor to-“

“No! That’s not- No, I’m…No one has-” This is decidedly not helping what she had in mind, just like the worry painted over her features.

Here and gone again, Barry speeds through the gap between us, topping up her boost then mine in a lightning fast grab and sprint before disappearing.

I am only so strong, and each time I’ve pushed her away for her own good over the years flares to mind. God damn it. Starting to count down from 240 in my head I close the gap, quickly kissing her lips until they part with a small noise. Sitting on the edge of the bed, carrying her with me I try to feather my fingers over her as her body moves with mine, clinging for contact as. Slipping down as her legs spread for me, I gently rub dedicated and well learned patterns over the small bump of nerves with my thumb. Her moan is more heady than my memory insisted it was as I slowly ease one slick finger into her, and the beautiful feel of her hips bucking into my motions makes my voice rough as I ask, “This what you wanted?”

“No.” The frustration is clear as her voice rises. “I want you to act like you fucking want me. It’s been over half of our first year of this marriage and you’re acting like this is a chore! I d-“

My motion is fast but gentle, pressing just so to draw out a gasp as her eyes flutter, “This is not a chore. I want you more than you know, but unlike you I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight and you’re acting like a soldier home from-“

Her body writhes as her focus is torn between lust and temper as she argues even as she rocks to encourage me to keep going, “Don’t you dare! I am not the unreasonable one right now! I need this, need you. I don’t want to make up for lost time, because there is no making up for it.” Kissing whisper soft from her collarbone up to her ear I use sensuality to try and distract her anger. “And now you’ve gone and wasted what? Half of the few minutes we have tonight? You are my home, and if I have to go back and fight to bring some sort of…if I have to-!”

Her words stop mid sentence as she goes still, panting hard, short nails digging into my shoulders and I match her stillness even though I can feel how close she is by the trembling of her legs and the way her body clenches and pulls at my finger.

Would feel like heaven. But… “Felicity, let me…like this.” She shakes her head once, sucking in a breath and holding it. When she lets it go a few seconds later her body starts to relax, easing back from her near climax.

Another breath and her fingers shift, grabbing instead of digging in to my shirt, trying to tug it, “Off!” I raise an eyebrow. When she’s taken charge rather than asked in the past I always gave in, and it’s hard not to do so now. “I need to feel your heartbeat, skin to skin…” One fast motion and she’s untied the straps at her shoulders. Another and she’s dragging the thing that I’m still not sure is a dress or is a shirt down, leaving her bared to where it pools at her waist. “Tit for tat and everything.”

My wife may not be the most overly endowed but what she does have is perfection, and there is no way she wouldn’t have known it to be absolutely cheating to not wear anything under those clothes. My mind goes blank, and I lick my suddenly dry lips. Any and all arguments disappear from the thoughts and parts of my body demanding action.

“Oh no you don’t. Your hair was one thing, this beard you’re rocking...I’d rather keep the road rash down there to a minimum and keep our time maximized.” Slipping her hand up under my shirt she feels the scar from where Dragon stabbed me, then my face, then settling over my heart. “I need you.”

My shirt is off in the next second. She may not want to waste time with my mouth between her legs, but she can’t just leave herself exposed like that and not expect me to…My wife grins and I stare up into her eyes as I slip the finger she was riding over her nipple before my mouth stretches wide, covering as much of her breast as I can, slowly sucking and pulling back until just a little more than the tight peak encompassed in my lips, pebbling hard against my tongue. Her hips wriggle and move to settle over my lap, searching for better contact. I push mine up to give it to her and the breathy moaned plea is better than any song she could think to play. Repeating the action earns another. My voice is too soft to be a snarl around her skin, licking over the area I just released, “You’re thinking of when it was shorter. You liked it trimmed close, but not when it got too long. I remember the extensive comments you made when I ‘wasted time’ buried between your legs. You haven’t felt it when it’s long like this, it’s softer than that in-between.”

Felicity squirms, pressing harder against me. “You’re just saying that because you think I’ll-“

I know exactly what the hair feels like on my palm and the sensitive skin on the inside of my elbow, so I don’t waste words and take her hand. Pulling it to my face I rub my cheeks and chin against her skin, nuzzling, then following with a kiss, a lick, and small pulling sucks of the skin between her fingers.

Her voice is a whisper, “Don’t tease…”

Letting my tongue drag between her fingers as I suck them softly until they pop free, I keep my voice at what I hope is tempting, “Come on baby, make us both happy, and take a seat.” I lick my lips again and she shivers.

It earns me a glare when I slowly do it again, pulling her hips up as I scoot further until she’s kneeling above my head, “Don’t get comfortable, you only get a taste. One.” Closing my eyes, using my thumbs to pull the gap in her leggings further apart, I only take the time to press a kiss over the intimate skin it exposes. “Just to prove if you’re telling the-“ Letting my lips part hers, staring up the line of her body to see her eyes go dazed as I lick to taste her, letting out a moan into her skin. Her hips shift, and I find a way to keep my thumbs tugging to expose her as the rest of my hands splay across her thighs, pulling her harder onto my face. Taking more than just one taste, I’m not content with the careful perch she tries to use to keep her weight from resting on me. I lap and suckle the slick flesh as she distractedly complains about not wanting to hurt me.

I pull back just enough to let my voice travel up, “Remember how good it was that one time you almost smothered me?” Like I’d ever forget wrapping my arm around her thigh so the wild bucking wouldn’t move her out of reach as I suckled hard over as much sensitive and swollen skin as would fit in my mouth. The hand I had stroking myself squeezing tighter, faster, at her blissful cry. Felicity was so loud my ears rang as she rolled from one orgasm right into a second until her movements were absolutely uncontrolled, smooshing my nose in her grinding while my mouth was pressed tight into her skin, I was seeing stars before I realized I couldn’t breathe. Then she shuddered once more and squeezed my face between her thighs as I managed to draw a third climax from her. I came to with her worried face calling my name and apologizing, my face coated with her pleasure and my chest and belly coated with mine. I can’t remember what I said, something obnoxious I’m sure by the way she smacked my shoulder, but it broke the tension and earned a lot more oral for both of us over the next couple weeks.

Her eyes are focused down where my mouth is on her, I can see the blush spread, darkening the pale skin down her throat, but she doesn’t protest, rocking into it as I push my tongue into her heat. Oh god damn. How could I forget just how good this is? I nuzzle into the small area of exposed flesh, sucking enough pressure over the mouthful of skin to make her buck as the taste of her coats my tongue.

A few seconds, not nearly enough, is all she gives me before using a trick I taught her to shove my forehead back and keep me pressed to the mattress as her body leaves my face and slides down to once again settle over my hips despite my protests. If not for my remaining clothes she would be properly riding me and my cock aches with the need for attention. “Hush.” Her free hand presses hard over my heart.

My body has no such reservations and neither does she. Hitching up the loose skirt of her top she barely glances down as fingers sneak between us to reaching pull my cock out from the uniform, stroking the bead of slickness forming at the tip down the length and-! My entire body goes rigid as my wife shows no hint of restraint or hesitation guiding me into her as she seats herself onto me. All rational thought disappears, my mind blanks at the hard sheathing, leaving me gasping, “Fuck!”

“Oh-!” She rasps. Her body is still tight from lack of warm up but so, so, wet. Hidden muscles clenching such amazing pressure around me like she’ll hold me inside forever. My hands keep her body from moving as I fight to stay still. “Oliver…”

I will not lose control of myself. I will not. Have to let her adjust. I can’t look at her, it’d be too much- God damn she feels-! Her hands slide over mine, coaxing me to lace my fingers with hers. Face out of reach, I tense my stomach to lean up and capture the nipple I haven’t focused on with my mouth. Lightly grazing my teeth and a hard suckling draws out a moan from her that has my body aching to move. A small sharp noise escapes after a wickedly sinful roll of her hips and she hisses “Less biting!” I force my jaw to unlock, a hand in her hair pulling her down into kissing reach again.

Simple wriggling on her part is exquisite torture for me and necessary distractions are few. When my eyes glance over towards the door, checking again, she makes a frustrated growl. “If you’re gonna be that distracted-!“ She shifts her hips, trying to roll us but only manages to wedge her upper half between my shoulder and the wall. When I don’t immediately move she nudges impatiently at my arm, “Get on with it, protect my ‘modesty’ already.”

}]}———}>

[atlanticcanada]

Mixed bag: Erratic Pandemic Olympics wind to a nuanced end

It began with a virus and a yearlong pause. It ended with a typhoon blowing through and, still, a virus. In between: just about everything.

The Tokyo Olympics, christened with "2020" but held in mid-2021 after being interrupted for a year by the coronavirus, glided to their conclusion in a COVID-emptied stadium Sunday night as an often surreal mixed bag for Japan and for the world.

A rollicking closing ceremony with the theme "Worlds We Share" -- an optimistic but ironic notion at this human moment -- featured everything from stunt bikes to intricate light shows as it tried to convey a "celebratory and liberating atmosphere" for athletes after a tense two weeks. It was set to pivot to a live feed from Paris, host of the 2024 Summer Games. And with that, the strangest Olympic Games on record began closing their books for good.

Complete coverage: Click for all the news from the Tokyo Olympics

Held in the middle of a resurging pandemic, rejected by many Japanese and plagued by months of administrative problems, these Games presented logistical and medical obstacles like no other, offered up serious conversations about mental health -- and, when it came to sport, delivered both triumphs and a few surprising shortfalls.

From the outset, expectations were middling at best, apocalyptic at worst. Even Thomas Bach, president of the International Olympic Committee, said he'd worried that these could "become the Olympic Games without a soul." But, he said Friday, "what we have seen here is totally different."

"You could experience and feel and see and hear how much they enjoyed to be together here again," Bach said.

At these Games, even the word "together" was fraught. Spectators were kept at bay. A patchwork of rules kept athletes masked and apart for much of medal ceremonies, yet saw them swapping bodily fluids in some venues. That was less about being remiss than about being real: Risks that could be mitigated were, but at the same time events had to go on.

Athletes' perseverance became a central story. Mental health claimed bandwidth as never before, and athletes revealed their stories and struggles in vulnerable, sometimes excruciating fashion.

Japan's fourth Olympics, held 57 years after the 1964 Games reintroduced the country to the world after its World War II defeat, represented a planet trying to come together at a historical moment when disease and circumstance and politics had splintered it apart.

The closing ceremony Sunday reflected that -- and, at times, nudged the proceedings toward a sci-fi flavor. As athletes stood in the arena for the final pomp, digital scoreboards at either end of the stadium featured what organizers called a "fan video matrix," a Zoom call-like screen of videos uploaded by spectators showing themselves cheering at home.

Even the parade of athletes carrying national flags -- thousands of Olympians, masked and unmasked, clustering together before fanning out into the world again -- was affected. Volunteers carried some flags into the stadium, presumably because of rules requiring athletes to leave the country shortly after their events concluded.

In front of such formidable backdrops, athletic excellence burst through, from the Games' first gold medal (China's Yang Qian in the 10-meter air rifle on July 24) to their last (Serbia defeating Greece in men's water polo on Sunday afternoon).

Among the highlights: Allyson Felix taking a U.S.-record 11th medal in track, then stepping away from the Olympic stage. American quintuple gold medalist Caeleb Dressel's astounding performance in the pool. The emergence of surfing,skateboarding and sport climbing as popular, and viable, Olympic sports. Host country Japan's medal haul -- 58, its most ever.

Any Olympics is a microcosm of the world it reflects. These Games' runup, and the two weeks of the Games themselves, featured tens of thousands of spit-in-a-vial COVID tests for athletes, staff, journalists and visitors. That produced barely more than 400 positives, a far cry from the rest of non-Olympic bubble Japan, where surges in positive cases provoked the government to declare increasingly widespread states of emergency.

And, of course, there was that other microcosm of human life that the Games revealed -- the reckoning with mental and emotional health, and the pressure put on Earth's top-tier athletes to compete hard and succeed at almost any cost. The interruption of that pressurized narrative, led by the struggles of gymnast Simone Biles and tennis player Naomi Osaka in particular, permeated these Games and ignited the spark of an athlete-driven conversation about stress, tolerance and inclusivity that everyone expects to continue.

While Tokyo is handing off the Summer Games baton to Paris for 2024, the delay has effectively crammed two Olympics together. The next Winter Games convenes in just six months in another major Asian metropolis -- Beijing, Japan's rival in East Asia and home to a much more authoritarian government that is expected to administer its Games in a more draconian and restrictive way, virus or no virus.

In Paris on Sunday, people gathered in a fan zone near the Eiffel Tower, waving small French flags. The scene was a contrast to Tokyo, where fans have occasionally been able to sneak peeks at events, but for the most part haven't been able to attend or gather in big crowds to cheer athletes.

In recent weeks, lots of people -- officials, athletes, journalists -- have been chewing over how these Tokyo Games will be remembered. That's up to history, of course, but there are hints.

The runup was messy and disputed. The days of competition were fraught but, in general, without incident other than sporting milestones. Even a moderate earthquake rumbled through and was quickly forgotten. The expenses -- upwards of $15 billion -- were colossal and will echo in Tokyo long after athletes are gone.

What are the Olympic Games supposed to be? A politics-free sporting event, as the IOC insists? A bonanza for sponsors and broadcasters? One small step toward world peace? Despite all the yarn-spinning, their identity remains up in the air and that fundamental question remains.

But as the cauldron is snuffed out Sunday night after the Pandemic Olympics conclude, it's easy to argue that Tokyo can take its place as a Games that didn't fail -- as one that overcame a lot to even happen at all. And as vaccines roll out, variants emerge and lockdowns re-emerge, another city and government -- Beijing, the Chinese capital -- must grapple with the very same question.

In the meantime, the program for Tokyo's closing ceremony, outlining its "Worlds We Share" theme, captured the effect of the pandemic and the virtual worlds and separation anxiety to which it has given birth.

"We are in a new normal, and this edition of the Games were a different affair," it said. "Even if we cannot be together, we can share the same moment. And that is something that we will never forget."

from CTV News - Atlantic https://ift.tt/3jyRMO8

[psychicanchortimemachine]

Equivalent Experiences: Thinking Equivalently

Constructing identical expertise could mean dynamical the means you think that regarding development and style, and potentially reevaluating your existing work. during this article, we’ll address common accessibility problems, and the way to best set about up them thus everybody will effortlessly access your content. This is the second of two articles on the topic of how digital.This is the second of two articles on the subject of however digital accessibility is enlightened by equivalency. Previously, we've got learned concerning the underlying biases that inform digital product creation, what identical expertise isn’t, the combination effects of inaccessible style and code, and powerful motivating forces for doing higher.

In this article, I will be able to discuss learning the way to embrace identical, comprehensive mentality. I will be able to additionally offer sensible, sturdy ways that to enhance your internet sites and web apps by providing solutions to common, everyday barriers cited by the individuals I interviewed. Setting a standard Setting a regular The Web Content Accessibility Guidelines (WCAG ) outlines in conscientious detail a way to craft accessible digital experiences. whereas a protracted and dense document, it's unbelievably comprehensive — to the purpose wherever it’s been written as a global commonplace. For over ten years, we’ve had a globally arranged, canonical definition of what constitutes as usable. Can we?If you would like a bit facilitate constructing the initial mental framework the WCAG gets at, an issue I perpetually raise myself once creating one thing is, “How would i exploit this if…” It’s an issue that gets you to examine all the biases that may be moving you within the moment.

Examples might be:How would I use this if...o ...I can’t see the screen?o ...I can’t move my arms?o ...I’m sensitive to flashing and strobing animation?o ...English isn’t my primary language?o ...I have a limited budget for bandwidth?o ...I’ve set a large default type size?o ...and so on.

Introduction

If you’re looking for a more approachable resource for how to dig into what the WCAG covers, the "

Inclusive Design Principles

" would be a great place to start. The seven principles it describes all map back to "

WCAG success criterion

".  

Its considered best if we learn from people who are actually using it.

You don’t need to apply my words in this. Below there are some basic problems  Wayfinding

Headings

Heading elements are incredibly important for maintaining an equivalent, accessible experience.

When made with talent and care, heading parts enable screen reader users to quickly verify the contents of a page or read and navigate to content relevant to their interests. This is often resembling however somebody may quickly flit around, scrolling till one thing that appears pertinent comes into read.

Justin Yarbrough

voices poorly-authored heading elements as a concern, and he’s not alone.

WebAIM’s screen reader survey

cites headings because the most vital thanks to realize data. This survey is well-worth being attentive to, because it provides valuable insight into however disabled individuals really use helpful technology.  

Landmarks

An addition to heading parts, in a different way to work out the structure and layout are

landmarks

. Landmarks are roles implicitly delineated by HTML(markup language sectioning parts), wont to facilitate describe the composition of the most page or read areas.

Here’s what Justin has to say:“If I’m just trying to find the main content, I’ll first try the Q JAWS shortcut key to see if a main region’s set up. If not, I’m just more or less stuck trying to scan the page to find it arrowing through the page.”

Much as however we'd use a layer cluster name of “primary nav” in our style file, or a category name of c-nav-primary  in our CSS, it’s vital we tend to conjointly use a nav sectioning component to explain our main website navigation (as well as the other navigation the page or read contains). Doing thus ensures intent is carried all the approach through from conception, to implementation, to use. a similar notion carries through for the opposite hypertext markup language sectioning parts that make landmarks for helpful technology.

Labeled Controls

Brian Moore

tells us about “form fields with no label or at least one that isn’t programmatically associated so it doesn’t read anything.”It’s another

frustratingly common problem

.

Providing a legitimate for/id  attribute pairing creates a programmatic association between type inputs and also the label that describes what it will. And after I say label, I mean the label part. Not a clickable div, a placeholder, aria-label, or another brittle and/or distraught answer. label components square measure a tried-and-true answer that enjoys wide and deep support for accessibility. In addition, a label part mustn't be employed by itself, say for a label on a diagram. This might sound counter-intuitive initially, however please bear with us.In addition, a label element should not be used by itself, say for a label on a diagram. This might seem counter-intuitive at first, but please bear with me.

<!-- Please do this --> <label for="your-name">Your name</label> <input type="text" id="your-name" name="your-name" autocomplete="name">   <!-- Don’t do this --> <label for="eye">Cornea</label> <label for="eye">Pupil</label> <label for="eye">Lens</label> <label for="eye">Retina</label> <label for="eye">Optic Nerve</label> <img id="eye" alt="A diagram of the human eye." src="parts-of-the-eye.png" />

The same varieties of helpful technology that permit} an individual jump to headings and landmarks additionally allow them to leap to input labels. Attributable to this, there's the expectation that once a "label" component is gift, there's additionally a corresponding input it's related to. Alternative Descriptions

If you've got low or no vision, and/or have problem understanding a picture, HTML’s ALT attribute (and not the title attribute) provides a mechanism to know what the image is there for. a similar principle applies for providing captions for video and audio content like podcasts.

Kenny Hitt

, mentions that when …someone posts something on Twitter, if it’s just an unlabeled image; I don’t even take the time to participate in the conversation. When you start every conversation by asking what’s in the picture, it really derails things.”

Up until last week

, the only way for Twitter to

provide alternative descriptions for its images

was to enable an option buried away in the subsection of a preference menu. Compare this to a platform like

Mastodon

, where the feature is enabled by default. Soren Hamby, mentions garment worker, a preferred podcast app. “The on boarding was plenty of themed graphics, however the altitude text for everyone was ‘unselected’ and for identical image with a analyzeit had been chosen. I believe it might be affordable for them to mention ‘sci-fi genre selected’ […] it’s such a tiny low factor however it makes all the distinction.Ensuring that alternate description content is succinct and descriptive is simply as vital as as well as the flexibility to feature it.

Daniel Göransson, a developer for Axess research laboratory, includes a nice article on a way to write them effectively. Robust, accessible options may also be a part of analysis criteria, in addition as an excellent methodology for building client loyalty.

Soren mentions that they're “often the deciding issue, particularly between services.” above all; they cite Netflix’s audio descriptions. Aria

One topic Daniel Göransson’s article on different descriptions mentions is to not over-describe things. This includes info like that it's a picture, WHO the creative person is, and keyword stuffing.The same principle applies for Accessible made net Applications (ARIA). ARIA may be a set of attributes designed to increase hypertext mark-up language to fill within the gaps between interactive content and helpful technology.

Brian explains: “There looks to be a perception that a lot of ARIA fixes accessibility and it will facilitate, however an excessive amount of either reads wrong things or simply talks approach an excessive amount of.  If on screen text of 1 or 2 words is nice enough for everybody else, it's ok for screen reader users too. we tend to don’t want whole sentence or 2 descriptions of buttons or links i.e. ‘link privacy policy’ is way higher than one thing like ‘this link can open our privacy policy, this link can open during a new window’ once the on screen link text is ‘privacy policy.’”Provided that you utilize the acceptable native hypertext mark-up language part, helpful technology can handle all of that for you. Do more, additional robustly, with less effort? Sounds nice to me!

Unlike most of hypertext markup language, CSS, and JS, the success of enforced ARIA is discourse, variable, and mostly invisible. In spite of this, we have a tendency to appear to be slathering ARIA onto everything while not bothering to envision not providing it truly works, however additionally what the those that truly use it think about it. Support for ARIA is fragmented across operational systems, browsers, and helpful technology offerings, all their individual versions, and each potential permutation of all 3. Simply put, writing ARIA and trusting it'll work as meant isn’t enough. If misconfigured and/or over-applied, ARIA will break. it's going to not report actual practicality, announce the incorrect practicality, and (accurately or inaccurately) over-describe practicality. Obviously, these experiences aren’t equivalent.   Representation matters. to induce a far better understanding of however the ARIA code you wrote truly works, i like to recommend hiring folks to inform you.

Here are four such services that do specifically that:·

Accessible360

·

AccessWorks (by Knowbility)

·

Fable Tech Labs

·

Perkins School For The Blind

Contrast

Color Contrast

Color distinction is another common issue, one whose severity usually appears to be downplayed. If I may wager a guess, it’s as a result of it’s straightforward to forget that alternative people’s vision may well be totally different than your own.

Regardless, it's a priority that affects a large swath of the world population, and that we ought to treat the difficulty with the seriousness it deserves.

The Click-Away Pound Survey tells US that out of the highest problems Janus-faced by users with access wants, distinction and legibility weighs in because the fifth most important issue.

On high of that, it's enhanced as a priority, going from four hundred and forty yards of respondents in 2016 to fifty fifth in 2019.

We board an age wherever there’s additional color distinction checking resources than I will count. Product like Stark will facilitate designers audit their styles before it's translated into code.

Tools like Eightshape’s distinction Grid and Atul Varma’s Accessible color palette builder allow you to craft your style systems with sturdy, accessible color mixtures out of the gate.

The somewhat ironic issue regarding color distinction is however, ah, visible it's. whereas a number of the previous accessibility problems area unit invisible—hidden away because the underlying code—contrast could be a pretty easy issue.Mostly, distinction could be a binary state of affairs, therein you either will or cannot see content.

So, following time you check your web site or webapp with an automatic accessibility checker like Deque’s axe, don’t be thus fast to downplay the colour distinction errors it reports.

High Contrast

There square measure technology solutions for things wherever even satisfactory color distinction ratios isn’t sufficient—namely, inverted colours mode and High distinction Mode. Several participants I interviewed mentioned victimization these show modes throughout their daily laptop use.  Provided you employ linguistics markup language, each of those modes don’t want a lot of effort on the event finish of things to figure well.  The vital bit is to visualize out what you’re building in these 2 modes to create certain everything is functioning as meant.  Striving For Perfection To quote

Léonie Watson

,“Accessibility doesn’t have to be perfect, it just needs to be a little bit better than yesterday.”

We will be  happy to answer your questions on designing, developing, and deploying comprehensive enterprise web, mobile apps and customized software solutions that best fit your organization needs.

As a reputed Software Solutions Developer we have expertise in providing dedicated remote and outsourced technical resources for software services at very nominal cost. Besides experts in full stacks We also build web solutions, mobile apps and work on system integration, performance enhancement, cloud migrations and big data analytics. Don’t hesitate to

get in touch with us!

[lakhwanabhishek]

Equivalent Experiences: Thinking Equivalently

Constructing identical expertise could mean dynamical the means you think that regarding development and style, and potentially reevaluating your existing work. during this article, we’ll address common accessibility problems, and the way to best set about up them thus everybody will effortlessly access your content. This is the second of two articles on the topic of how digital.This is the second of two articles on the subject of however digital accessibility is enlightened by equivalency. Previously, we've got learned concerning the underlying biases that inform digital product creation, what identical expertise isn’t, the combination effects of inaccessible style and code, and powerful motivating forces for doing higher.

In this article, I will be able to discuss learning the way to embrace identical, comprehensive mentality. I will be able to additionally offer sensible, sturdy ways that to enhance your internet sites and web apps by providing solutions to common, everyday barriers cited by the individuals I interviewed. Setting a standard Setting a regular The Web Content Accessibility Guidelines (WCAG ) outlines in conscientious detail a way to craft accessible digital experiences. whereas a protracted and dense document, it's unbelievably comprehensive — to the purpose wherever it’s been written as a global commonplace. For over ten years, we’ve had a globally arranged, canonical definition of what constitutes as usable. Can we?If you would like a bit facilitate constructing the initial mental framework the WCAG gets at, an issue I perpetually raise myself once creating one thing is, “How would i exploit this if…” It’s an issue that gets you to examine all the biases that may be moving you within the moment.

Examples might be:How would I use this if...o ...I can’t see the screen?o ...I can’t move my arms?o ...I’m sensitive to flashing and strobing animation?o ...English isn’t my primary language?o ...I have a limited budget for bandwidth?o ...I’ve set a large default type size?o ...and so on.

Introduction

If you’re looking for a more approachable resource for how to dig into what the WCAG covers, the "

Inclusive Design Principles

" would be a great place to start. The seven principles it describes all map back to "

WCAG success criterion

".  

Its considered best if we learn from people who are actually using it.

You don’t need to apply my words in this. Below there are some basic problems  Wayfinding

Headings

Heading elements are incredibly important for maintaining an equivalent, accessible experience.

When made with talent and care, heading parts enable screen reader users to quickly verify the contents of a page or read and navigate to content relevant to their interests. This is often resembling however somebody may quickly flit around, scrolling till one thing that appears pertinent comes into read.

Justin Yarbrough

voices poorly-authored heading elements as a concern, and he’s not alone.

WebAIM’s screen reader survey

cites headings because the most vital thanks to realize data. This survey is well-worth being attentive to, because it provides valuable insight into however disabled individuals really use helpful technology.  

Landmarks

An addition to heading parts, in a different way to work out the structure and layout are

landmarks

. Landmarks are roles implicitly delineated by HTML(markup language sectioning parts), wont to facilitate describe the composition of the most page or read areas.

Here’s what Justin has to say:“If I’m just trying to find the main content, I’ll first try the Q JAWS shortcut key to see if a main region’s set up. If not, I’m just more or less stuck trying to scan the page to find it arrowing through the page.”

Much as however we'd use a layer cluster name of “primary nav” in our style file, or a category name of c-nav-primary  in our CSS, it’s vital we tend to conjointly use a nav sectioning component to explain our main website navigation (as well as the other navigation the page or read contains). Doing thus ensures intent is carried all the approach through from conception, to implementation, to use. a similar notion carries through for the opposite hypertext markup language sectioning parts that make landmarks for helpful technology.

Labeled Controls

Brian Moore

tells us about “form fields with no label or at least one that isn’t programmatically associated so it doesn’t read anything.”It’s another

frustratingly common problem

.

Providing a legitimate for/id  attribute pairing creates a programmatic association between type inputs and also the label that describes what it will. And after I say label, I mean the label part. Not a clickable div, a placeholder, aria-label, or another brittle and/or distraught answer. label components square measure a tried-and-true answer that enjoys wide and deep support for accessibility. In addition, a label part mustn't be employed by itself, say for a label on a diagram. This might sound counter-intuitive initially, however please bear with us.In addition, a label element should not be used by itself, say for a label on a diagram. This might seem counter-intuitive at first, but please bear with me.

<!-- Please do this --> <label for="your-name">Your name</label> <input type="text" id="your-name" name="your-name" autocomplete="name">   <!-- Don’t do this --> <label for="eye">Cornea</label> <label for="eye">Pupil</label> <label for="eye">Lens</label> <label for="eye">Retina</label> <label for="eye">Optic Nerve</label> <img id="eye" alt="A diagram of the human eye." src="parts-of-the-eye.png" />

The same varieties of helpful technology that permit} an individual jump to headings and landmarks additionally allow them to leap to input labels. Attributable to this, there's the expectation that once a "label" component is gift, there's additionally a corresponding input it's related to. Alternative Descriptions

If you've got low or no vision, and/or have problem understanding a picture, HTML’s ALT attribute (and not the title attribute) provides a mechanism to know what the image is there for. a similar principle applies for providing captions for video and audio content like podcasts.

Kenny Hitt

, mentions that when …someone posts something on Twitter, if it’s just an unlabeled image; I don’t even take the time to participate in the conversation. When you start every conversation by asking what’s in the picture, it really derails things.”

Up until last week

, the only way for Twitter to

provide alternative descriptions for its images

was to enable an option buried away in the subsection of a preference menu. Compare this to a platform like

Mastodon

, where the feature is enabled by default. Soren Hamby, mentions garment worker, a preferred podcast app. “The on boarding was plenty of themed graphics, however the altitude text for everyone was ‘unselected’ and for identical image with a analyzeit had been chosen. I believe it might be affordable for them to mention ‘sci-fi genre selected’ […] it’s such a tiny low factor however it makes all the distinction.Ensuring that alternate description content is succinct and descriptive is simply as vital as as well as the flexibility to feature it.

Daniel Göransson, a developer for Axess research laboratory, includes a nice article on a way to write them effectively. Robust, accessible options may also be a part of analysis criteria, in addition as an excellent methodology for building client loyalty.

Soren mentions that they're “often the deciding issue, particularly between services.” above all; they cite Netflix’s audio descriptions. Aria

One topic Daniel Göransson’s article on different descriptions mentions is to not over-describe things. This includes info like that it's a picture, WHO the creative person is, and keyword stuffing.The same principle applies for Accessible made net Applications (ARIA). ARIA may be a set of attributes designed to increase hypertext mark-up language to fill within the gaps between interactive content and helpful technology.

Brian explains: “There looks to be a perception that a lot of ARIA fixes accessibility and it will facilitate, however an excessive amount of either reads wrong things or simply talks approach an excessive amount of.  If on screen text of 1 or 2 words is nice enough for everybody else, it's ok for screen reader users too. we tend to don’t want whole sentence or 2 descriptions of buttons or links i.e. ‘link privacy policy’ is way higher than one thing like ‘this link can open our privacy policy, this link can open during a new window’ once the on screen link text is ‘privacy policy.’”Provided that you utilize the acceptable native hypertext mark-up language part, helpful technology can handle all of that for you. Do more, additional robustly, with less effort? Sounds nice to me!

Unlike most of hypertext markup language, CSS, and JS, the success of enforced ARIA is discourse, variable, and mostly invisible. In spite of this, we have a tendency to appear to be slathering ARIA onto everything while not bothering to envision not providing it truly works, however additionally what the those that truly use it think about it. Support for ARIA is fragmented across operational systems, browsers, and helpful technology offerings, all their individual versions, and each potential permutation of all 3. Simply put, writing ARIA and trusting it'll work as meant isn’t enough. If misconfigured and/or over-applied, ARIA will break. it's going to not report actual practicality, announce the incorrect practicality, and (accurately or inaccurately) over-describe practicality. Obviously, these experiences aren’t equivalent.   Representation matters. to induce a far better understanding of however the ARIA code you wrote truly works, i like to recommend hiring folks to inform you.

Here are four such services that do specifically that:·

Accessible360

·

AccessWorks (by Knowbility)

·

Fable Tech Labs

·

Perkins School For The Blind

Contrast

Color Contrast

Color distinction is another common issue, one whose severity usually appears to be downplayed. If I may wager a guess, it’s as a result of it’s straightforward to forget that alternative people’s vision may well be totally different than your own.

Regardless, it's a priority that affects a large swath of the world population, and that we ought to treat the difficulty with the seriousness it deserves.

The Click-Away Pound Survey tells US that out of the highest problems Janus-faced by users with access wants, distinction and legibility weighs in because the fifth most important issue.

On high of that, it's enhanced as a priority, going from four hundred and forty yards of respondents in 2016 to fifty fifth in 2019.

We board an age wherever there’s additional color distinction checking resources than I will count. Product like Stark will facilitate designers audit their styles before it's translated into code.

Tools like Eightshape’s distinction Grid and Atul Varma’s Accessible color palette builder allow you to craft your style systems with sturdy, accessible color mixtures out of the gate.

The somewhat ironic issue regarding color distinction is however, ah, visible it's. whereas a number of the previous accessibility problems area unit invisible—hidden away because the underlying code—contrast could be a pretty easy issue.Mostly, distinction could be a binary state of affairs, therein you either will or cannot see content.

So, following time you check your web site or webapp with an automatic accessibility checker like Deque’s axe, don’t be thus fast to downplay the colour distinction errors it reports.

High Contrast

There square measure technology solutions for things wherever even satisfactory color distinction ratios isn’t sufficient—namely, inverted colours mode and High distinction Mode. Several participants I interviewed mentioned victimization these show modes throughout their daily laptop use.  Provided you employ linguistics markup language, each of those modes don’t want a lot of effort on the event finish of things to figure well.  The vital bit is to visualize out what you’re building in these 2 modes to create certain everything is functioning as meant.  Striving For Perfection To quote

Léonie Watson

,“Accessibility doesn’t have to be perfect, it just needs to be a little bit better than yesterday.”

We will be  happy to answer your questions on designing, developing, and deploying comprehensive enterprise web, mobile apps and customized software solutions that best fit your organization needs.

As a reputed Software Solutions Developer we have expertise in providing dedicated remote and outsourced technical resources for software services at very nominal cost. Besides experts in full stacks We also build web solutions, mobile apps and work on system integration, performance enhancement, cloud migrations and big data analytics. Don’t hesitate to

get in touch with us!

#b2bsales

#b2bservices

#b2b ecommerce

#b2b seo

#Ecommerce

[secretcupcakesublime]

Equivalent Experiences: Thinking Equivalently

Constructing identical expertise could mean dynamical the means you think that regarding development and style, and potentially reevaluating your existing work. during this article, we’ll address common accessibility problems, and the way to best set about up them thus everybody will effortlessly access your content. This is the second of two articles on the topic of how digital.This is the second of two articles on the subject of however digital accessibility is enlightened by equivalency. Previously, we've got learned concerning the underlying biases that inform digital product creation, what identical expertise isn’t, the combination effects of inaccessible style and code, and powerful motivating forces for doing higher.

In this article, I will be able to discuss learning the way to embrace identical, comprehensive mentality. I will be able to additionally offer sensible, sturdy ways that to enhance your internet sites and web apps by providing solutions to common, everyday barriers cited by the individuals I interviewed. Setting a standard Setting a regular The Web Content Accessibility Guidelines (WCAG ) outlines in conscientious detail a way to craft accessible digital experiences. whereas a protracted and dense document, it's unbelievably comprehensive — to the purpose wherever it’s been written as a global commonplace. For over ten years, we’ve had a globally arranged, canonical definition of what constitutes as usable. Can we?If you would like a bit facilitate constructing the initial mental framework the WCAG gets at, an issue I perpetually raise myself once creating one thing is, “How would i exploit this if…” It’s an issue that gets you to examine all the biases that may be moving you within the moment.

Examples might be:How would I use this if...o ...I can’t see the screen?o ...I can’t move my arms?o ...I’m sensitive to flashing and strobing animation?o ...English isn’t my primary language?o ...I have a limited budget for bandwidth?o ...I’ve set a large default type size?o ...and so on.

Introduction

If you’re looking for a more approachable resource for how to dig into what the WCAG covers, the "

Inclusive Design Principles

" would be a great place to start. The seven principles it describes all map back to "

WCAG success criterion

".  

Its considered best if we learn from people who are actually using it.

You don’t need to apply my words in this. Below there are some basic problems  Wayfinding

Headings

Heading elements are incredibly important for maintaining an equivalent, accessible experience.

When made with talent and care, heading parts enable screen reader users to quickly verify the contents of a page or read and navigate to content relevant to their interests. This is often resembling however somebody may quickly flit around, scrolling till one thing that appears pertinent comes into read.

Justin Yarbrough

voices poorly-authored heading elements as a concern, and he’s not alone.

WebAIM’s screen reader survey

cites headings because the most vital thanks to realize data. This survey is well-worth being attentive to, because it provides valuable insight into however disabled individuals really use helpful technology.  

Landmarks

An addition to heading parts, in a different way to work out the structure and layout are

landmarks

. Landmarks are roles implicitly delineated by HTML(markup language sectioning parts), wont to facilitate describe the composition of the most page or read areas.

Here’s what Justin has to say:“If I’m just trying to find the main content, I’ll first try the Q JAWS shortcut key to see if a main region’s set up. If not, I’m just more or less stuck trying to scan the page to find it arrowing through the page.”

Much as however we'd use a layer cluster name of “primary nav” in our style file, or a category name of c-nav-primary  in our CSS, it’s vital we tend to conjointly use a nav sectioning component to explain our main website navigation (as well as the other navigation the page or read contains). Doing thus ensures intent is carried all the approach through from conception, to implementation, to use. a similar notion carries through for the opposite hypertext markup language sectioning parts that make landmarks for helpful technology.

Labeled Controls

Brian Moore

tells us about “form fields with no label or at least one that isn’t programmatically associated so it doesn’t read anything.”It’s another

frustratingly common problem

.

Providing a legitimate for/id  attribute pairing creates a programmatic association between type inputs and also the label that describes what it will. And after I say label, I mean the label part. Not a clickable div, a placeholder, aria-label, or another brittle and/or distraught answer. label components square measure a tried-and-true answer that enjoys wide and deep support for accessibility. In addition, a label part mustn't be employed by itself, say for a label on a diagram. This might sound counter-intuitive initially, however please bear with us.In addition, a label element should not be used by itself, say for a label on a diagram. This might seem counter-intuitive at first, but please bear with me.

<!-- Please do this --> <label for="your-name">Your name</label> <input type="text" id="your-name" name="your-name" autocomplete="name">   <!-- Don’t do this --> <label for="eye">Cornea</label> <label for="eye">Pupil</label> <label for="eye">Lens</label> <label for="eye">Retina</label> <label for="eye">Optic Nerve</label> <img id="eye" alt="A diagram of the human eye." src="parts-of-the-eye.png" />

The same varieties of helpful technology that permit} an individual jump to headings and landmarks additionally allow them to leap to input labels. Attributable to this, there's the expectation that once a "label" component is gift, there's additionally a corresponding input it's related to. Alternative Descriptions

If you've got low or no vision, and/or have problem understanding a picture, HTML’s ALT attribute (and not the title attribute) provides a mechanism to know what the image is there for. a similar principle applies for providing captions for video and audio content like podcasts.

Kenny Hitt

, mentions that when …someone posts something on Twitter, if it’s just an unlabeled image; I don’t even take the time to participate in the conversation. When you start every conversation by asking what’s in the picture, it really derails things.”

Up until last week

, the only way for Twitter to

provide alternative descriptions for its images

was to enable an option buried away in the subsection of a preference menu. Compare this to a platform like

Mastodon

, where the feature is enabled by default. Soren Hamby, mentions garment worker, a preferred podcast app. “The on boarding was plenty of themed graphics, however the altitude text for everyone was ‘unselected’ and for identical image with a analyzeit had been chosen. I believe it might be affordable for them to mention ‘sci-fi genre selected’ […] it’s such a tiny low factor however it makes all the distinction.Ensuring that alternate description content is succinct and descriptive is simply as vital as as well as the flexibility to feature it.

Daniel Göransson, a developer for Axess research laboratory, includes a nice article on a way to write them effectively. Robust, accessible options may also be a part of analysis criteria, in addition as an excellent methodology for building client loyalty.

Soren mentions that they're “often the deciding issue, particularly between services.” above all; they cite Netflix’s audio descriptions. Aria

One topic Daniel Göransson’s article on different descriptions mentions is to not over-describe things. This includes info like that it's a picture, WHO the creative person is, and keyword stuffing.The same principle applies for Accessible made net Applications (ARIA). ARIA may be a set of attributes designed to increase hypertext mark-up language to fill within the gaps between interactive content and helpful technology.

Brian explains: “There looks to be a perception that a lot of ARIA fixes accessibility and it will facilitate, however an excessive amount of either reads wrong things or simply talks approach an excessive amount of.  If on screen text of 1 or 2 words is nice enough for everybody else, it's ok for screen reader users too. we tend to don’t want whole sentence or 2 descriptions of buttons or links i.e. ‘link privacy policy’ is way higher than one thing like ‘this link can open our privacy policy, this link can open during a new window’ once the on screen link text is ‘privacy policy.’”Provided that you utilize the acceptable native hypertext mark-up language part, helpful technology can handle all of that for you. Do more, additional robustly, with less effort? Sounds nice to me!

Unlike most of hypertext markup language, CSS, and JS, the success of enforced ARIA is discourse, variable, and mostly invisible. In spite of this, we have a tendency to appear to be slathering ARIA onto everything while not bothering to envision not providing it truly works, however additionally what the those that truly use it think about it. Support for ARIA is fragmented across operational systems, browsers, and helpful technology offerings, all their individual versions, and each potential permutation of all 3. Simply put, writing ARIA and trusting it'll work as meant isn’t enough. If misconfigured and/or over-applied, ARIA will break. it's going to not report actual practicality, announce the incorrect practicality, and (accurately or inaccurately) over-describe practicality. Obviously, these experiences aren’t equivalent.   Representation matters. to induce a far better understanding of however the ARIA code you wrote truly works, i like to recommend hiring folks to inform you.

Here are four such services that do specifically that:·

Accessible360

·

AccessWorks (by Knowbility)

·

Fable Tech Labs

·

Perkins School For The Blind

Contrast

Color Contrast

Color distinction is another common issue, one whose severity usually appears to be downplayed. If I may wager a guess, it’s as a result of it’s straightforward to forget that alternative people’s vision may well be totally different than your own.

Regardless, it's a priority that affects a large swath of the world population, and that we ought to treat the difficulty with the seriousness it deserves.

The Click-Away Pound Survey tells US that out of the highest problems Janus-faced by users with access wants, distinction and legibility weighs in because the fifth most important issue.

On high of that, it's enhanced as a priority, going from four hundred and forty yards of respondents in 2016 to fifty fifth in 2019.

We board an age wherever there’s additional color distinction checking resources than I will count. Product like Stark will facilitate designers audit their styles before it's translated into code.

Tools like Eightshape’s distinction Grid and Atul Varma’s Accessible color palette builder allow you to craft your style systems with sturdy, accessible color mixtures out of the gate.

The somewhat ironic issue regarding color distinction is however, ah, visible it's. whereas a number of the previous accessibility problems area unit invisible—hidden away because the underlying code—contrast could be a pretty easy issue.Mostly, distinction could be a binary state of affairs, therein you either will or cannot see content.

So, following time you check your web site or webapp with an automatic accessibility checker like Deque’s axe, don’t be thus fast to downplay the colour distinction errors it reports.

High Contrast

There square measure technology solutions for things wherever even satisfactory color distinction ratios isn’t sufficient—namely, inverted colours mode and High distinction Mode. Several participants I interviewed mentioned victimization these show modes throughout their daily laptop use.  Provided you employ linguistics markup language, each of those modes don’t want a lot of effort on the event finish of things to figure well.  The vital bit is to visualize out what you’re building in these 2 modes to create certain everything is functioning as meant.  Striving For Perfection To quote

Léonie Watson

,“Accessibility doesn’t have to be perfect, it just needs to be a little bit better than yesterday.”

We will be  happy to answer your questions on designing, developing, and deploying comprehensive enterprise web, mobile apps and customized software solutions that best fit your organization needs.

As a reputed Software Solutions Developer we have expertise in providing dedicated remote and outsourced technical resources for software services at very nominal cost. Besides experts in full stacks We also build web solutions, mobile apps and work on system integration, performance enhancement, cloud migrations and big data analytics. Don’t hesitate to

get in touch with us!

[level99life]

I’m back

Just a quick post to say that I’m back and I’ll be trying to actually update this now.  I basically set this up last year and then never touched it again - becauseeee I immediately got in a relationship lol....  I haven’t re-read my posts yet but maybe I talked about it?  Because I would have been texting her the very week I set this up I believe.

A quick update about me:  So yeah, that relationship thing happened, that was scary.  We ended roughly around August 2020 (but off-and-on did a friends-with-benefits thing until January 2021, after which I’ve since completely blocked her on everything - maybe I’ll go into that in the future, probably not though). At work, I took on more management roles and so that takes up a lot of my time and mental bandwidth (I’m slowly trying to get a new job, however - one I’m not embarrassed about - so far I just have my resume like 95% complete).  At home, I still live with super weird/messy roommates that I really need to get out of (surprisingly this is probably the #1 issue in my life right now, and I think that by solving this I’ll have a lot of derivative benefits across all other facets of my life).  Relationship-wise, currently not seeing anyone or even trying; I’m forcing myself to address other things before I bring someone else into my life (relationships are time-sinks and money-sinks, not to say that’s bad [in my opinion those are like the best money/time-sinks possible, it’s basically the whole point] but I either literally don’t have those things available to me at the moment or need to figure out what I can budget for it).  Free-time wise: completely stopped working out all of COVID so far - I had injured my back (that took a good 6-8 months to heal), my stomach constantly has problems that get much worse when I work out, and I haven’t been able to figure out meals that... A) I can make fast enough to have time to do other things in the day, B) have enough calories that I even gain weight when I’m not working out (all of COVID my weight has slowly been going down, so I can only imagine what it would have been if I had been working out).  I played RuneScape a little bit all year (came back from a 3 year hiatus) and finally maxed both of my accounts plus some other side-goals, and I’m calling it mostly quits again (I might pick it up every few months, but I’m definitely done grinding) -- this is probably the most important part to make note of as it’s what made me remember this blog lol; throughout the last year I blogged on my clan’s dead forum and it felt really good to journal goals and accomplishments and thoughts like that, so once again I’d like to try applying that idea to my real life here.  Self-wise

I just finished some quick spring-cleaning of the blog (fixing pictures, styles, links and such).  Also renamed it from Lvl 99 Life to Level 99 Life because yeah.  Still not totally sold on using Tumblr for this (honestly I love the format of forums so much, but I want something to be a bit more public even if I’m not actively sharing it and expecting people to read it - I love semi-anonymous, semi-public posting), but it’s one of those “we’ll improve it with time” things I need to get more comfortable with (I so often fall into the trap of thinking I need to perfect things at the very beginning).

Some quick reflections on this blog: Almost certainly not going to do those weekly update things.  Structure like that, while pleasing to my OCD-like tendencies of wanting strict organization, is stressful as fuck.  Nah.  I’m keeping this super loose (as you can tell from this jank-ass post) the same way that my RuneScape blog was over the last year, and maybe with time it’ll converge to something more structured.

Alright, I think that about covers everything.  My ending notes will be my current overarching life goals and what I’m actively working on:

Actively working on:

Project 0: Get a rotation of meals to make every week (super quick to make, high calories so I gain weight, and that don’t upset my stomach).

Next life goals:

Finish my PC (I’ve put next to zero focus on this since January-ish so I’m forcing myself to re-focus and get this bitch done; I literally just need a GPU but I’ve been super defeated because of how hard they are to buy for normal prices... this annoying project has taken me something like 5 years and will stand as a trophy to my inability to complete things in reasonable timeframes whatsoever, jesus fuck).

Finish budget & financial goals spreadsheet (I don’t want to know how many hundreds of hours I’ve put into this now).

Finish resume, post to Indeed/Linkedin/etc., look for a new job.

Find a new place to live (alone or with just one other person).

Go back to college.

EDIT: I went back and read my other posts.  Oh boy.  Alright so, from this post:

Today, Sunday, has been especially bad. I got into bed as soon as I got home and I haven’t been able to leave. I haven’t had this happen in months, if not more, so it’s worrisome. I’m scared about roommates seeing me for some reason, can’t leave to eat anything, and sometimes can’t even get out to go to the bathroom.

Yeah, I continued to be like this all year, and especially all of 2021 so far.  I had no fucking clue until now how literally nothing has changed in over a year.  I need to start seeing doctors again, wow.  Really proves the importance of journaling like this - you don’t realize the time of things until you read old thoughts.  In January I was my absolute worst - I was literally only awake for 9 hours as most, and slept the rest of the day, and it’s becoming that again.

I truly can’t get myself to go grocery shopping, and I ran out of meal foods on Friday, so I’ve been severely under-eating. This has likely caused a loop wherein I feel more depressed/anxious/etc. due to my hormones and stuff being out of whack from bad diet, further preventing me from going out to get food. So much for the budget helping with this.

Still such a huge problem, if not worse?  I don’t think I even go grocery shopping once a month anymore, it’s a little over that.  I do laundry just once a month.  These two things are examples where I feel like living on my own would have huge bonuses though, since (as I talked about above) I’m so scared of being around people (and conflict with them in terms of needing to use certain things/rooms at certain times) that I can’t just get shit done when I want, be noisy at weird hours in the kitchen, etc.

I started my role as assistant manager at work. Nothing has changed yet, no training yet, so it’s very weird where people are asking me things that I can’t do anything about.

Yeah that hasn’t changed.  Fuck this job actually sucks harder than I thought.  I could be hard on myself and say it’s (at least in part) on me to have initiative and seek things out on my own, but honestly no - I’m blaming the company for such a terrible training structure.

[moodboardinthecloud]

Another victim of COVID-19: Sex between married couples

Though elaborate, their sauna and hot tub setups illustrate a concept Mr. Rosen, a certified sex therapist, and Dr. Kranz, a sexual medicine specialist, share with couples they counsel by video call – couples’ whose sex lives have been deprived during the pandemic. The idea, coined by San Diego sociologist Jennifer Gunsaullus, is “happy naked fun time” – partners hanging out nude without the pressure of sex. In these stress-loaded times, the laid-back approach is resonating with their couples.

“It’s hard to maintain an erotic environment when you’re locked down together,” Mr. Rosen said. “So how do you throw out the script on Groundhog Day?” Dr. Kranz added. “How do you be creative about shaking it up – somehow?”

Calls are up to couples’ therapists, with many spouses feeling trapped under one roof. Amid the strain, uncertainty and unending sameness of pandemic life, many couples find the bandwidth for intimacy is gone. So is privacy, with kids running underfoot. Chronic stress is triggering fights – toxic for sexuality. Another desire-dampener: spouses got overly familiar with each other just as personal dignity went out the window, with people living in sweatpants, forgoing grooming efforts, binging on Netflix and carbs. For some, it’s felt impossible to cultivate a sex life through this year of mandated domesticity.

Surveying 1,500 adults last spring just after the pandemic hit, researchers at the Kinsey Institute found nearly half said their sex lives were in decline. Though some had actually expanded their sexual repertoires through the global crisis, they tended to be younger people living alone, rather than long-married spouses quarantining together in homes piled high with homework and laundry.

“For most couples, it’s hell,” said Peggy Kleinplatz, a clinical psychologist who detected “a greater sense of claustrophobia and desperation” in phone calls with clients since the pandemic began.

“The vast majority of couples I’m seeing are finding it impossible to carve out time that’s uniquely for each other, without having to take care of work, children or cleaning the house,” said Dr. Kleinplatz, a professor of medicine at the University of Ottawa.

That chronic stress is smothering libido and sexual frequency, notes Lori Brotto, a psychologist who is researching desire and behaviour through the pandemic as part of a longitudinal study from the Women’s Health Research Institute in Vancouver.

“None of us firmly grasped the toll homeschooling and taking care of children without any [help] would take on couples, relationships, privacy and intimacy,” said Dr. Brotto, a professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of British Columbia.

“Couples are home working together – you’re beside each other all day long. It has translated into a lot more emotional distance,” Dr. Brotto said. “Separation and a sense of separate identity are critical for desire and cultivating interest in sexual activity.”

She asks couples to consider work schedules that don’t overlap completely, as well as alternating time away from the house, alone.

Many spouses don’t have the luxury of extra space at home to sequester themselves away for a few hours, or the money and privacy required for virtual therapy sessions. As Mr. Rosen pointed out, the situation is exponentially worse for partners with fewer means, for those struggling with addiction or mental-health issues, as well as for sexual minorities.

A year into the pandemic, some are mistaking their partners’ exhaustion for sexual rejection, said sex educator Emily Nagoski.

“If your partner wants to engage intimately with you and you have spent all day either with them, or with a child, or in Zoom meetings, and you’ve had no time for yourself, it’s sort of like your partner saying, ‘Here, eat this huge chocolate cake I baked for you. I know you have been eating all day and have no interest in eating more, but please, you’ll be rejecting me unless you eat this cake.’ There’s nothing wrong with the cake. The person just needs to take a break,” said Ms. Nagoski, author of the book Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life.

For those whose marriages were already sexless before the pandemic, or where one partner has more desire than the other, months of lockdowns “magnify what’s not working in the relationship,” said Seattle marriage and family therapist Mindy McGovern.

“For couples who could distract from intimate-relationship distress by doing things outside of the home, they no longer have those options,” Ms. McGovern said. “Your partner now knows everything about your day – all of that time you have when you could be having sex.”

She and other experts ask spouses to try to practise compassion and kindness through this prolonged period of disruption.

Dr. Kleinplatz strongly advocates couples set aside 15 minutes two or three times a week to sit someplace comfortable and “check in with each other from the heart.” She recommends partners turn off their electronic devices and avoid talking about kids or work.

These moments of “emotional time” lower stress and allow partners to step outside their “enforced domesticity” to seed a more erotically charged atmosphere, said Dr. Kleinplatz, who co-wrote the 2020 book Magnificent Sex: Lessons from Extraordinary Lovers.

She also shares with her couples the concept of “simmering,” coined by American psychologist Carol Ellison: small, occasional gestures to stay sensually engaged, even if it doesn’t immediately lead to sex. For various couples, simmering can mean dancing to music they listened to when they dated, cooking together, putting on perfume or giving a massage. They are activities that engage the senses somehow – very different from building puzzles or playing Monopoly.

“We worked with a couple who created a facsimile of a favourite restaurant in the guest room,” said Dr. Kranz, whose sauna and hot tub romps with her husband would qualify as simmering.

Spouses have told Dr. Kleinplatz that simmering takes some of the pressure off sex. While she believes now is not the time for undue expectations, Dr. Kleinplatz cautioned partners not to completely neglect their sexual lives, lest they remain disengaged after the pandemic is over.

“What I’m saying to my couples is, don’t set the bar too high but … keep your relationship simmering until such time as a full boil becomes possible. This is the time to cultivate ‘maybe’ and little bits of flirtation – even if one knows there is no energy to act on it right now.”

@ZOSIABIELSKI

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/canada/article-another-victim-of-covid-19-sex-between-married-couples/