#and by the way he doesn't like killua but loves gon

[cotton-could]

The importance of Leorio

Leorio has been a character who was often dismissed, mocked and minimized for not having flashy abilities like everybody else, which is why he was often seen as not important but this is far from the truth. Leorio does bring something very crucial to the table and those are his kindness and honesty. Let me break it down:

1) He's the heart of the time and the main reason why it hasn't fallen apart

⭐️; Almost everybody says Gon is the one that brings everybody together and while there's some truth in it, it's actually Leorio who does it. Notice how the moment they part ways, Kurapika slowly falls into darkness and acts way more aloof than before. He doesn't crack jokes as often as before, doesn't trust anybody and is always serious. Hence, he spent the whole Chairman arc ignoring everybody until Leorio asked help to bring his ass outside and surprisingly, Kurapika is thankful of it.

He knows Leorio is an important source to him and to many people, and it can be seen with Gon and Killua. Overtime, Gon is more likely to act selfish and distant to everybody, not caring if his actions would have terrible consequences while Killua has to fulfill the role of the responsable one, he doesn't get to be a kid and it's taking a toll on both of them (which almost ruined their friendship) but the moment they're around Leorio, they're more relaxed and get to act like kids without worrying about fights. And he's also the main reason why Gon and Killua became friends, and Kurapika joined the group, all because of a dumb argument they had lol.

. • °⛓✧༺ ༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚⛓. • °⛓✧༺ ༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚⛓

2) He brings the best in his friends

⭐️; Something I've noticed is that Gon and Kurapika's moods and morals were at their best in the Hunter Exam, where they've been teaming up with Leorio. See, neither Gon and Kurapika have a reason to keep helping him, in fact, at worst he slow them down as he almost cost them a challenge but they still stick by his side even when they have the option to abandon him.

The fact they're willing to put themselves in danger for him really shows that Leorio did manage to bring their more selfless side by just being his over-the-top self and being unintentionally funny to which I'm sure they find it very endearing and make them want to help him, especially after hearing his real reason to be a hunter. Another important point is Gon waiting for him to catch his breath instead of running like Killua suggested, the normally selfish Gon would listen to Killua as Leorio didn't offered him much but once again, it made Gon's kinder side come to shine.

. • °⛓✧༺ ༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚⛓. • °⛓✧༺ ༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚⛓

3) He's the wake up call Killua needed

⭐️; An important aspect of his character that many people overlook is that he was the key for Killua's development, just as Illumi was manipulating Killua, he stepped in and said the wake up call Killua needed: "You're Gon's friend", it briefly snapped him out of it and made Killugon's bond even stronger.

. • °⛓✧༺ ༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚⛓. • °⛓✧༺ ༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚⛓

4) His kindness, honesty and bravery are his greatest weapons

⭐️; Leorio isn't the strongest member of his team nor has impressive nen abilities but one thing we can't deny is how his qualities (indirectly and unintentionally) earned him the love of his (powerful) friends and allies, the respect of veteran and legendaries hunters and the attention of Hisoka. You see, at first I found it odd how many characters started to like/respect Leorio even when they mostly saw his abrasive side but now after re-reading it, it all make sense; he shows the values a hunter must have and the values people needed to see. How so? Well, Gon and Kurapika are people who value honesty and loath people who goes against what's right for them; shallowness and dishonesty. And both of them sensed good vibes in Leorio and saw his kindness in action when he didn't realized it. Leorio used a jerkass façade in his introduction but it was quickly broken when he tried to save a guy who was about to fall in the water and quickly grabbed Gon's leg. This moment was what made Gon and Kurapika realize he's actually a selfless young man and it won't be the last time they'll see his kind actions. When he took care of the examiner, the guy said he was treated with great compassion by Leorio (who was embarrassed by the reveal) and was the reason why he passed the exam, of course neither Gon nor Kurapika are impressed by the reveal because they already know he's a softie. Kindness is an important key to be a great and respected hunter, because kindness is what keeps the world spinning.

Later in the Hunter Exam, Kurapika confronts Leorio about his jerkass façade and why he really wants to be a hunter. Even when Leorio acts like a shallow man, Kurapika no longer buys it because he knows he's actually a humble man with good intentions so when Leorio tells him the truth, he's satisfied with it and grows closer to him because Leorio is what Kurapika really admires in someone (but that doesn't stop him to sass him).

Killua also took note of Leorio's character. After he saw Killua kill a man, he was understandably scared of him but he doesn't treat him like a monster. He continues to treat him like a kid and still act abrasive to him, just like to everybody else. This continues to be like this for the rest of the serie, he acts like the adult Killua needed and he defended him from Illumi, without caring he might get killed by him. This genuinely touches Killua a lot, to the point he considers him his friend and threatened Milluki to not hurt Gon, Leorio and Kurapika. What Killua valued the most about Leorio were his kindness, bravery and honesty. Even when he knew Killua is an assassin, he doesn't act like a doormat to stay on his good side nor act two-faced around him, he's still his loud but tender self around him too which (secretly) earn Killua's genuine respect and care.

About the hunters, this one is actually the funniest yet the most impressive one because all Leorio did was punching Ging and awkwardly admit what he has been doing but still tell them he wants to see Gon healthy again and this hilariously earned the respect of legendaries and famous hunters, beating veterans like Bisky, Linne, Ging, and so on. Leorio doesn't realize they respect him for being shamelessly honest and not caring about getting in trouble if it meant his friends are alright. He got all the qualities Ging doen't have and it's his tenderness towards Gon, his dedication to his loved ones and goals, his kindness, his care for other people, etc...

Now Hisoka... We all know he's interested in power but Leorio doesn't even have a strong power and he isn't interested in getting stronger because he wants to be a doctor. So why would a guy like Hisoka be interested in a normal dude like Leorio? Well, when Hisoka was testing the characters, Leorio passed but why? He passed because of his bravery, he and Leorio knew he had 0 chances in beating the clown but he put his own life at risk to bring some justice and this trait was what Hisoka admired in him and decided to spare him when it would make more sense to kill him. Leorio, unknowingly shows a trait Hisoka respects the most and this was best seen when Hisoka killed some of the spider members to spite Chrollo as a punishment to be a "coward" (using the crowd to fight him instead of fighting himself). Leorio has never used someone else to fight for him or to hide behind them as a shield and it's very remarkable for a guy like him. And it's not the first time he caught a villain's attention, Illumi took note of him aswell and it was once again for his bravery. It surprised him how Leorio wasn't scared of him at all.

In the end, his friends ended up paying Leorio's kindness back to him. Gon with continuing to help him in the Hunter Exam, saving his life and caring for him. Kurapika with helping him in the badge challenge (when he had nothing to gain in exchange), looking after him and being more open to him (allowing himself to let his guard down and be his sassy but kind and playful self around Leorio and the kids). Killua with killing Leorio's opponent (Killua could've killed anybody else but HE choose Leorio's opponent of all people wich I firmly believe he wanted to help Leorio back), being a trusted ally to him and caring for him.

. • °⛓✧༺ ༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚⛓. • °⛓✧༺ ༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚⛓

5) He's the greatest ally you could ask for

⭐️; Leorio compensate his lack of combat skill by being a trustworthy ally who will always be there for his friends, he lend an ear to listen and give advices, put his life on the line to give them time and/or to fool his enemies, look after them, reach out to them, and so on. His presence is enough to make Gon, Killua and Kurapika safe and more relaxed. When he pretends to be an angry boss, you can tell Killua and Gon were very happy to see him and know they can always count on him when they need it. This gets better when Killua calls Leorio in the Election Arc, because he knows Leorio will always have his back in case Gon isn't available.

. • °⛓✧༺ ༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚⛓. • °⛓✧༺ ༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚⛓

6) He's a great friend

⭐️; He's the friend Gon, Killua and Kurapika needed. He manages to be a good balance for everybody.

🎣; With Gon, he's the (older) male figure Gon needed in his life, he cares for him and is very protective of him, he guides him in areas Gon can't handle it (such as making money or having businessman skills) but still act like a fun brotherly figure who gets into silly arguments with him in the Hunter Exam but when things get serious, he drops everything and makes sure Gon will be safe or get what Gon needs (seeing his father). He's a reliable resource Gon can be safe with because he's the only man who he got to see more often while he rarely saw Kite and Ging was barely around his life.

🛹; With Killua, well, he's everything Illumi failed to be; caring, understanding, protective (in a genuine and healthy way), honest, selfless and so on. Despite not interacting much, Leorio and Killua has a lot in common (I'll talk about it in another blog) and Leorio is the second person who Killua clicked with the most and after getting to know Leorio more, Killua finally gets to act like a kid without being punished but also asks Leorio for help/advices when he sees he can't do it alone and knows Leorio is a softie who will always be there for him when he'll need it. It speaks volume how much Killua trusts in him when Killua always come for him when he's in a problem he can't do it by himself. (Their friendship are so underrated 😔)

⛓️; With Kurapika they both get to open up with each other and reveal private parts of their backstory. After confirming Leorio is a good guy, Kurapika started to joke around more often and appreciates his precense even more, in YorkNew, Kurapika slowly became more aloof until he saw his friends again and opened up to them again. Leopika still look after each other in spite of Kurapika's change with Leorio's moments of maturity and his compassion are what keeps Kurapika on line. Even after Kurapika has been ignoring Leorio's calls, he still deeply cares for him and will forever be thankful of his kindness.

. • °⛓✧༺ ༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚⛓. • °⛓✧༺ ༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚⛓

TLTR: Leorio is epic whether you like it or not.

[justxtalking]

the other day someone told me that gon and killua were like brothers. i asked them like how because i didn't see it (i was so confused) and they couldn't answer me.

not gonna lie, i thought when other fans said that some people actually believed that gon and killua were like brothers, it was something of the early beginning of the fandom or more like a myth because i've never seen it lmaooo but after this experience, i'm so confused because i guess i can understand if you just want to see them as best friends because, like, they literally are? but as brothers??? i genuinely can't see it and i'm so confused, where is the brotherly bond? togashi doesn't even use that word to talk about their relationship. when he does compare them to something is to a romantic couple in which one partner ended up loving their partner more than their family. and to be honest, i would be worried if gon and killua were in fact brothers and still acted that way. like, i have sisters and we are really close, we love each other, but we don't act like that? like, don't get me wrong, i know that everyone has a different relationship with their siblings and yaddayadda, but what killua and gon have is not brotherly behaviour lmao i don't understand where they even see it

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Killua and the Power of Wishes

Okay going to try and make this coherent because the amount of wish association all through Killua's character development makes me want to chew plaster.

As a fair warning, this analysis ended up being long as hell, and I didn't even include everything I could've said. This is also just one lens to analyze Killua's story arc with, and I feel there are other valid interpretations of some of these moments. This is just one of mine, so keep that in mind please.

One last warning that this analysis does discuss emotional manipulation and abuse, as is par for Killua's background.

Let's set the stage with one important piece of info: Killua's birthday.

Killua's birthday is July 7th, the same day as Tanabata. Tanabata is a folklore-rich festival where according to legend, the two lovers, weaver Orihime and cowherd Hikoboshi, represented by the two stars, Vega and Altair, are allowed to reunite once a year after separation. A popular custom of Tanabata is to make wishes by writing them down on tanzaku, then hang it on a bamboo tree so that the wish might one day come true.

Tanabata is also known as the Star Festival. Please keep this in mind, because I'm going to come back to it.

To finish setting up the lens for this analysis, I'm going to need to dig into the game-changer scene for Killua's early characterization - his confrontation with Illumi at the end of the Hunter Exam, and specifically, the exact nature of Illumi's manipulation of him.

I say "game-changer" because it really is - up until this point, it's kind of fair to not fully know what to think about Killua. Certainly, he seems excited to hang out with Gon (he approached him first, after all) and he's friendly enough, but he's also arrogant and claims to be motivated mainly by boredom. For all intents and purposes, Killua seems set up to be Gon's dangerous yet charismatic rival... but then this scene happens and it completely turns it all on its head.

Because Killua may have mentioned his family was controlling before, but he seriously downplayed the severity of it - likely because he has no point of reference for how awful his situation actually is other than it makes him feel bad and trapped. Illumi's appearance immediately shifts our understanding of Killua from runaway murder kid with annoying murder family to straight-up victim of emotional abuse, and dissolves his cockiness instantly to terror.

What does all this have to do with wishes? Glad you asked. Let's look at some of Illumi's dialogue.

[ID: A screenshot from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. Killua looks up, sweating and conflicted, as Illumi tells him "You don't want anything or wish for anything." End ID.]

This is the crux of Illumi's (and the family's) control. Killua's desires do not align with the family trade. They must be excised from him.

When Killua insists that he does have something that he really wants, Illumi says "Tell me what it is you want", in a mockery of a certain other sibling who would have helped fulfill this wish - Illumi asks only so he can completely dismantle it. And Killua isn't even really surprised at Illumi's words, just heartbroken. You can tell this isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened.

Killua states his wish quite fervently; he really means it. But his words are not rebellious, nor cathartic. Instead, he answers Illumi quietly, as if fearful or ashamed, almost reminiscent of a sinner's confession.

[ID: Two screenshots from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. In the first Killua looks down with a troubled expression, saying "I want to become friends with Gon...". In the second, his face is hidden as he stands with hands clenched at his sides with a spotlight on him. He says "I'm sick of killing people..." End ID.]

It's such an innocent, simple want.

And Illumi proceeds to make him feel like even something so simple is harmful and selfish of him... not to the family, but to Gon.

In a matter of a few minutes, Illumi breaks down Killua's wish by:

Acknowledging this desire, but twisting it into something that will inevitably fade over time, thereby causing Killua to doubt his own conviction and feelings -> "Gon is a novelty, a radiant presence who has piqued your curiosity. No more than that."

Acknowledging that Gon is someone important to Killua, and undermining this by telling him that by his very nature, he will eventually bring harm to Gon, which makes him feel as though Killua cannot trust himself to be a good friend -> "If you try to be friends with him, you will one day want to kill him... because you are, by nature, a murderer." (As a... delightful... bonus, this is also apparently how Silva and Illumi justify their treatment of Killua to him - "This is the essence of your existence and we taught you accordingly." Like they adapted to Killua's nature, instead of them molding Killua into who they wanted him to be.)

Delivering an ultimatum - to fight Illumi and win, or else Gon will die - that Killua is doomed to fail due to his upbringing and the needle in his head. Since Killua doesn't know about the needle, he assumes this is his own personal failure, something Illumi feeds into -> "You're just not qualified to make friends."

And it's the last point that breaks him. The first two shoot down Killua's present wish, but the last proceeds to shatter any hope he might've had of wishing for anything similar in the future - he has told him that his desires are weak, temporary, inherently dangerous to those around him, and worst of all, aren't enough on their own for him to deserve friendship and love from others. And the clincher: Killua feels like all of this is his own fault, that there is something inherently dangerous and wrong with him!

So, it doesn't even matter to Killua anymore if he fails the Hunter Exam. To him, he just failed the only test that mattered.

10/10 manipulation, Illumi. Fuck you, seriously.

Killua's character arc is mainly his quest and struggle to refute Illumi's arguments and to shake off the manipulation and the ways in which his family have molded and controlled him. And by far, the most difficult part of his conditioning to shake off is this idea that he is undeserving of anything more than what he is already given.

It's almost like the family has drilled it into him that wishes are dangerous. How interesting.

Thankfully, however, there are two parties to Killua's wish here - Gon, too, is a part of it, and it is not simply his reciprocated desire to be Killua's friend that saves him, but also his recognition of Killua's situation for what it is (notably, when no one else correctly identified the true issue).

"You know it wasn't his choice. You manipulated him, kidnapping his spirit!"

The ensuing Zoldyck family arc emphasizes that Gon is 100% correct: the main hold Killua's family has on him isn't physical - it's all emotional.

Killua breaks one of his shackles when Milluki threatens to have his new friends killed, but he only breaks the rest when Zeno tells him he's free to go. So, if Killua could break loose at any point, was this still a rescue like Gon said?

Well, yes - just because he absolutely could've broken out physically at any time, that does not mean he could just leave. That's the nature of situations such as this - it's not as simple as "just leaving". Support is necessary, as is actually having something tangible outside the situation to go to - otherwise there is little point to leaving at all. Gon (and Kurapika and Leorio) showing up to free Killua showed him that his wish was reciprocated and allowed him to break one cuff - this is the start of his journey, but he still has a long ways to go. Notably, he again hesitates and closes off when Silva asks what he wants.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 42. In the first, Silva asks Killua "...would you like to see [Gon]?" Killua's expression is complicated in the next panel - he's closed off and uncertain. Silva continues "Be honest, Kil... what do you want?" End ID.]

Killua will backtalk and casually break his shackles and death glare his family... but he's too fearful to voice his wants aloud.

And once again, asked by his father what he wants, he is subtly set up to fail. His wish is granted, but made conditional - "Do not betray your friends", something Killua is regrettably set up to do by virtue of the needle in his head that he, again, doesn't know about. Silva fully expects him to fail and come back home, disillusioned, believing it's his own fault due to his "nature", and trusting in Silva still as a "reasonable" figure in his life.

This condition placed on his friendship is what drives much of Killua's fear and insecurity with regards to Gon for much of the series - the idea that Killua has to earn his right to friendship, and that if he doesn't, he will lose it, one way or another.

It really makes me wish that Killua had actually gotten to hear Gon's views on friendship from the beginning of the Zoldyck Family arc, because it entirely refutes this entire philosophy. He even outright refuses to go through the Testing Gates at first, purely because he thinks the sentiment of needing to prove yourself just to be friends is completely outrageous - he only relents because there is no other way.

[ID: Two screenshots from episodes 21 and 22 of the 2011 HxH anime adaptation. Gon looks up at Illumi and firmly states "[Killua] doesn't need to earn the right to be my friend!" In the second, Gon's face is seen in profile and close up as he asks "Why would you test your friends?" End ID.]

I doubt it would've truly prevented Killua's insecurity from manifesting even if he had heard this, to be honest - his issues with usefulness are very deep-rooted in his upbringing - but still, it would've been nice for him to hear, I think.

However, that's not to say that this exact sentiment doesn't come through in their interactions.

Gon, as Killua's friend, cares about what Killua actually wants and wants to make sure Killua knows that - and that's part of what makes the Whale Island conversation between them really important.

[ID: Two images, both of the same scene from HxH chapter 64, and episode 37 of the 2011 anime. In the manga panel, Gon has turned his head to look at Killua directly, who looks shocked and taken aback, to say "I like hanging out with you." In the anime screenshot, Gon has turned his whole body to face Killua, and says "I think it's fun to be with you." End ID.]

I see a lot of people chalk this up to just Gon being Gon, but it reads to me as much more deliberate than even his usual honesty. He's turned so he's looking directly at Killua, which is a sure way to make his words come across clearly. The lead up to this is Killua, again, not knowing or being able to vocalize what he wants. He doesn't have a goal to work towards like Gon, he only knows what he doesn't want - he's a mix of envious and admiring towards Gon, who knows what he wants and simply goes for it.

But this conversation makes it clear that they have a shared wish - they both want to be friends, and they'd both like to stay together. It's not about earning, to Gon, it's only about if they both want the same thing - mutual, not conditional. There's a nice almost call-and-response type dialogue here, where Gon asserts that he likes spending time with Killua (very directly lol), then shares that Killua is the first friend his age he's had. This prompts Killua to say that Gon is his first friend ever, and that he does have fun with him. And just like that, Gon replies "Then let's stay together!" and pointedly includes Killua's desire to find a goal in their, now shared, upcoming journey.

Overhead, a shooting star appears in the sky. A mutual wish is granted.

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 64. The night sky is full of stars. In the centre is a shooting star. End ID.]

Hm. Stars. Remember how I told you to keep that in mind, all the way back at the beginning? Their association with Tanabata, making a wish on a shooting star, etc. etc.?

Well, buckle up because this star is going to make you experience so much sadness now.

[ID: Panels from HxH chapter 286. The first is a conversation between Killua and Meleoron where Killua asserts he intends to "go down in flames with [Gon]". When Meleoron looks concerned, Killua brushes off the declaration as a joke. In the second image, Killua is turned away, his outline pale, as Meleoron thinks "Why... did you looks so sad... back there?" The last image is a cloudy night sky filled with stars. At the centre of the panel is a shooting star. End ID.]

Yeah, it makes its reappearance directly after Killua has "jokingly" resolved to die with Gon if it comes down to it, after "since it means nothing to you".

I am assured, in Japanese, the word choice here is 心中 (shinjuu), the word for double suicide, where the intent is to die at the same time in the same manner in order to be reunited in the afterlife. The implication here is that Killua, having increasingly grown insecure in his place by Gon's side but unable to voice this, knowing that Gon is hurtling down the path of no return, thinks back to their conversation under the stars where they both mutually wished to stay together and, because he believes that it is no longer possible for him to help Gon, has resolved to stay by his side in death, and after it.

...holy shit, kid.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 4th ending of the 2011 anime. In the first, Gon and Killua stand back to back as meteors fall around them. In the second, they stand facing away from the audience towards a body of water under a night sky filled with stars - Gon throws a stone, which flashes in the air like a shooting star. End ID.]

And of course, here's the shooting star again in the 2011 anime's Nagareboshi Kirari ending, as well as it being the subject of the song itself and rather explicitly referencing that wish to go on a journey together, to stay together, because... Madhouse hates us. I guess. :'(

What started off as a simple wish for a friend deepened into a wish to always stay by Gon's side. This is largely good at first! Killua is able to explore and experience genuine friendship, to get a taste for freedom, and use the power of his fervent wish to protect his dear friend in order to rid himself of Illumi's needle. However, the more Killua wants, the more he traps these wishes in monologues within his own head and does not voice them aloud. Part of it is that he already feels he's been given much more than he deserves - seeing himself as a creature of darkness and Gon as light - but a greater part of the issue here is not that Killua is afraid to wish for things, but that he is afraid wishing without "compensation" will inevitably lead to horrible repercussions - namely, losing who he loves.

In order to feel worthy of staying with Gon, of earning his friendship, Killua works hard to help Gon achieve his goals, taking on the role of wish grantor, growing to do practically anything needed to support him for seemingly nothing in return - but that's not 100% true. Killua wants at least some appreciation, whether he admits it or not - it's a security thing, and it also clearly makes him happy, even if he's not great at accepting it. He insists in Chimera Ant arc that friends don't need to thank friends, but this declaration always read as very sudden to me or like a rationalization, and it's relevant to remember that this is at the peak of Gon isolating himself and self-destructing before his eyes, and Killua's own insecurity regarding his importance to him.

Killua might not mind doing things without thanks, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like to hear that Gon appreciates him. He clearly does appreciate verbal confirmation of their bond! We know this.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 2011 anime. The first is from episode 61. Killua smiles down at the ground with his hands in his pockets, the colours having gone soft and bright. The second is from episode 70 during the dodgeball match. Gon smiles determinedly in the foreground as Killua looks shocked next to him. End ID.]

Keeping all this in mind, Killua's story, or at least this part of it, couldn't have concluded in a better way than his rescue of Alluka, the wish grantor.

Now, I could probably write an entire other analysis on Alluka and Nanika alone, but for the sake of not making this any longer than I already have, I'm going to go through only a few points. Alluka is incomprehensible to her family because they make no attempt to understand her, with the exception of Killua. The only thing they do seem to understand, when explained to them, is the demands made after Nanika grants a wish - this, of course, fits neatly into their own predetermined views on "earning" and "punishment". However, beyond this, they make no attempt to understand her, and since her power is deemed dangerous and uncontrollable, she is locked away.

They are worried, first and foremost, that Alluka will bring harm to the family, and there's two ways in which this could be true:

As a function of failing to fulfill her requests, of course

Because she, just by existing, threatens the family's status quo

I stated at the beginning that Killua's desires do not align with those of the family business, and he's always apparently been more open to understanding others - he asks Alluka and Nanika questions to understand them, and treats them with respect, while his family are more so focused on subjugating anything that might be a threat. This is what Illumi tried to drill into Killua after all; never fight a superior opponent - everything is about assessments of relative strength, which leaves no room for open-mindedness or getting to know people.

Faced with a daughter who is clearly incomprehensibly powerful, and a son, the would-be inheritor of the family trade, who is showing a disturbing amount of willingness to befriend instead of retreat from her, the family made the decision to excise Alluka not just from where she could "harm" the family power-wise, but also likely to secure their control over Killua, who they then set about practically programming to not have any more wishes for himself, or at least to not be able to vocalize them without fear of loss or retribution.

The family's nickname for Killua is "Kil" or "Killu", which is deeply fascinating to me as a reader - nicknames are expressions of endearment, typically, and I actually don't doubt that here. Killua's family does love him, but their love comes with conditions. He must be molded into the perfect son, and every part of him that doesn't fit must be excised.

So: Killua's memories of Alluka are suppressed with the needle, and she is further cut from his life by dropping the "a" from his name (the Zoldyck children are named like a game of shiratori - Illumi -> Milluki -> Killua -> Alluka -> Kalluto). The nickname is also like a command or order "to kill", which is of course what they want him to do.

Saving Gon through saving Alluka and Nanika forces Killua to have to face down the last and hardest of Illumi's manipulations to shake, and that's the notion that a wish, that kindness and friendship and love, cannot be unconditional without severe repercussions - where the people he cares about get hurt because of him, something he cannot envision being forgiven for.

It's a little sad to me that after spending most of the series struggling against his family's teachings that they didn't lead to Killua betraying Gon at all, as he'd feared... but to him betraying Nanika, by sending her away.

Here is this little girl with a bloodstained past, incredibly powerful and dangerous and capable of amazing feats, treated as some evil thing by those who fear her. But she is kind at heart. Her true strength lies in healing, not killing. And she only takes commands from Killua.

Illumi thinks this is because Killua is the only one with control over her. Killua believes this is because she wants praise. They're both partially correct, but this is not the full reason Nanika does what Killua asks of her.

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146 of the 2011 anime. In the first, Nanika smiles and says "I love Killua." In the second, Killua looks at her, stricken. End ID.]

Nanika loves him. Everyone has been trying to figure out all these complicated rules and conditions on her wish granting and why Killua is the one exception, but the answer is exceedingly simple. She loves him, and wants to do nice things for him so he can have his wishes granted. It's the only way she knows to get the love that she wants in turn.

Just like her brother, Nanika makes herself useful to earn love and appreciation from someone who accepted her when no one else did.

Even though he knows Nanika just wants to help, he still sees her presence as a danger to the person he sees as pure and innocent who must be protected. He sends her away because her "nature" is to be a threat to Alluka's safety, even if she doesn't intend to be. Killua's fear of Illumi and repercussions causes him to make a horrible mistake.

And Alluka tears into him for it.

[ID: A set of panels from HxH chapter 336. A furious Alluka glares and asks Killua if he made Nanika cry. When Killua stutters, she demands he apologize to her. End ID.]

You tell him, girl.

Oh hey, this looks a little familiar, huh?

"Apologize to Killua!" says Gon to Illumi after Illumi sends Killua away.

Nanika should not be the one punished for the actions of those trying to control her. She certainly shouldn't be forced to leave those she loves, or have to earn love from them.

And neither should Killua.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 336. Alluka yells, tears in her eyes, "If you're going to protect me... you have to protect Nanika too!!" Killua looks shocked, then his eyes widen. End ID.]

It's interesting to me that this is the line that snaps Killua out of his fear enough for him to properly speak with Nanika and apologize. One party cannot receive all the protection, nor can the other only give and give limitlessly.

Killua makes it clear to Nanika when speaking with her that he will protect her, and that she doesn't need to earn affection from people by granting their wishes. He promises they will both be there for each other - Killua will praise her whenever she wants, and not just when she does something for him, but he also doesn't refuse Nanika's desire to grant his wishes. It's mutual, not conditional.

And on the heels of this "betrayal", Killua asks for what he never thought he could receive - forgiveness. And even though Nanika is clearly still very upset...

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146. In the first, Nanika and Killua face each other, both of them teary. Nanika says "Kay." In the second, he has pulled her into a hug. Nanika is teary, her fingers gripping Killua's back tightly. End ID.]

...she doesn't even have to think about it.

I do think Killua still has a ways to go, but he is in a position right now to learn from his relationship with his sisters about balance - that love is not just selfless devotion, but also allowing those who love you to help you and make you happy too. I think that's what unconditional love is, in a way - supporting and working together with the people you love to make each other's wishes come true.

[heliianth]

mini meta because i cant get this fucking scene out of my brain:

its one of my fav Alluka scenes because its a sneak peek into her frankly miraculous emotional intelligence that simultaneously contextualizes it. She's still a little kid. Alluka is a smart cookie who can properly recognize and identify what people are feeling, can generally guess why they're feeling it, and get an idea of what would make them happy. But that "feeling" is hate for her, and what would make them happy is her disappearing. Really heartbreaking.

but the way Killua responds is also pretty fascinating to me? like, he pivots so fucking hard LOL. And I get it, it's such a loaded question. Would the Zoldycks be happier if Alluka was gone? Realistically, the answer is no... but admitting that would require a self-awareness about his family and his abuse Killua doesn't have yet. He probably doesn't even know how to answer, doesn't know what the answer even is.

So instead of digging into that can of worms, Killua cocks his own shotgun and fires back another loaded question: "If I were the only one who loved you in the whole world... would that make you sad?"

There were like a dozen other, much safer ways to both avoid this question and comfort Alluka. It's not even a full dodge, it's directly related to Alluka's fear via implication (the rest of the family doesn't love you). And it's not like Killua hasn't verbally weaseled his way out of tougher conversations. So... why?

I'm gonna try to truncate my full thoughts because I literally have a WIP 5k+ meta about it and I don't want to go down that rabbit hole, but Killua projects onto Alluka and Nanika a lot in this arc. Keeping that in mind, I think this question is his best, most earnest way of comforting Alluka because this train of thought is what's comforted him in the past.

I mean, think about it. Someone who will love and accept you no matter who you are or what you've done? Just one person who doesn't care? He's putting himself in the position of Alluka's Gon-figure here. And if you buy into that, the followup—"I'll always be there for you. Don't worry about anyone else"—reveals how a portion of his subconscious saw his emotionally dependent relationship with Gon as well; that is, as a comforting means to psychologically avoid confronting harder questions about himself, his upbringing, or how other people view him. It's kind of no coincidence that the minute Gon is wholly and totally incapacitated and Killua starts mucking around with the revolutionary idea of boundaries, he immediately starts thinking about his family again (in some manner).

And as an indulgent aside, I want to point out that when he ends up sending Nanika—who is, unlike Alluka, a subject of Killua's darker and more self-hating projections—away and Alluka fights back instead of internalizing it, Killua immediately recognizes the irrationality...

...because it breaks the mirror.

anyway. squeezes and shakes them like squeaky toys

[anime-fan-05]

Hunter x Hunter ~Nicknames~

Manga/anime: Hunter x Hunter

Warnings: nothing

(Y/N): your name

Gon F.

Cherry: he started calling you that after you two made a cake with cherries one day; he had given you a sweet kiss, so you had blushed a lot. "You're as red as a cherry!" He had screamed

Cutie: he started calling you that unconsciously during a date, where he said you were beautiful ("You're too cute, cutie!")

Sugar: calling you that gives him a sense of tenderness and, by giving you this nickname, he wants to convey all his love to you

Sweetie pie: it was the first nickname he gave you when you started dating. He generally uses it very often because he believes it represents you perfectly

(Y/N)-chan: before you two got engaged, he called you that, and he sometimes still does it. When he calls you like that, he remembers your first date, during which he actually called you "(Y/N)-chan"

Killua Z.

Babe: he calls you that because you arouse almost the same emotions he feels when he's with Alluka. In fact, he wants to take care of you, love and protect you, and he sees you as something truly precious. However, he rarely uses this nickname because he's ashamed

Baka: this is Killua's iconic nickname, also given to you by him. Nevertheless, when he calls you that, his voice takes on a soft tone, different from his usual joking voice, and his eyes soften

Honey: he usually uses this when you cuddle, when he softens in your arms and wants nothing more than to stay there for all his life

My light: he thinks you're his light, the reason he doesn't fall into darkness. For him you two are complementary opposites: he's the darkness, you're the light that illuminates it. Nevertheless, he only used this nickname once: you risked dying and he, running towards you almost crying, called you that, begging you not to let him too die that way

Pookie: he often uses this nickname. For him it's a perfect term of endearment for you

Kurapika K.

Darling: very classic nickname, just like him. He uses it very often when you're in public because he's ashamed of calling you by the sweet nicknames he uses in private

Love: this too is used in public by him, although to a lesser extent than the previous one

My heart: he thinks it's thanks to you that his heart beats, thanks to you he can live and distract himself from his revenge, so he wants to communicate it to you with this nickname

My life: similar to the previous nickname, he believes you're what makes him feel alive, who makes him live

Sunshine: like Killua, he thinks you're the light that illuminates the darkness of his heart. This is the nickname he uses the most and it's also the name he wrote on your contact

Leorio P.

Doll: he thinks you're beautiful and perfect like a doll and this is one of the nicknames which suits you best

Hottie: he's Leorio, what can we do? There must be at least one slightly perverted nickname in his vocabulary

Princess: he thinks it's the perfect nickname for you and it represents exactly who you're and how he should treat you. When you aren't home, he calls you that. Furthermore, this is the name he wrote on your contact

Shorty: Leorio is tall, very tall, and he wants to underline this by calling you that. He uses this nickname when he's in a particularly playful mood

Sweetheart: nickname used the most, it also shows his true sweet character. He loves calling you that, especially in front of your and his friends because it shows he isn't just a pervert in this way

💮 Rules 💮 Masterlist 💮

[mari-lair]

AU where Gon was raised in Greed Island instead of with Mito, so he grew up with the game. He spends one month more with Ging than he would in canon but is still left in the care of the other game masters as a baby, everyone is understandably angry with Ging about it, but they can't abandon Gon so they throw the baby between each other as a collective babysitting. They tend to avoid actually doing their assigned duty a lot, putting the baby under the care of a Panda Maid#99 card while they focus on their own thing. When every panda maid card hit its transformation limits they panicked, forced to babysit the kid themselves or give him to NPCs, which were worked on to have a bit more dept.

Gon learns Nen extremely young, and grows to be deeply attached to Greed Island, his home. He visits Razor, Elena, Eta, Dwun, and List, all the time and grows attached to NPCs. He guides new players too, not having a 'book' but knowing all the rules. (He used to have a book to experience the cards, but he almost won the game, which he can't do as an 'honorary game master', and had his ring confiscated)

Gon knows how important it is to explore the game yourself so he never gives away everything, and he treats NPC as 'people', to the point Gon can feel like he is an NPC of the game for those unaware GI takes place in a real island.

The Game Master Crew don't have an agreement on how old Gon must be to attend the hunter exam and search for his dad, cause they are confident Gon can breeze through the exam, but they know how insane Ging is personally, and while Gon is very competent and smart they worry for him. He takes it so personally when the NPCs he loves are hurt or disrespected and try to see the best in people. So how will they know he is in good hands out there? After much discussion, and the realization Ging will not come to visit, they decide Gon can go hunt for Ging when he is 14.

Killua learns Nen at 13 for a job, which is to kill a player in Greed Island cause the client is scared said player will finish the game before the player they want to win.

Greed Island is a game for hunters, so Gon never sees other kids who aren't NPCs made to keep him company. When Killua shows up he is delighted, he shows off every place in the game and gives more info than he probably should cause he is excited and Killua is so cool! He wants to show off! Killua lets Gon hang out at first cause he is a 'useful npc' and deep down he just really wants to interact with a kid his age, but it doesn't take too long to like him. He starts to treat Gon way better and takes him more seriously when he realizes he is a person, intrigued by his deal.

[blueberrymocha]

their love language ˚୨୧⋆｡

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ׂ╰┈➤ fluff

➣ characters: gon, killua, kurapika, leorio, hisoka, illumi, chrollo

➣ word count: x

➣ a/n: unedited, so if you catch some errors no u don’t 🔫🤗

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gon

- physical touch

- as i mentioned, he just loves to be touching you

- it doesn't matter if you're eating breakfast or at the beach

- it's mostly a subconscious thing for him so he probably doesn't even realize when he does it

- like sometimes mid conversation his hands just gravitate to your waist

- you know this boy is all cuddly at night too

- the love language he'd want to be shown most is probably the same

- it'd suck for him if his s/o didn't like touch, so knowing you love it just as much as him is perfect

- he thinks you're made for eachother

killua

- quality time

- he's usually pretty independent

- but if he loved you, suddenly he's around very often

- he'd find whatever reason he can conjure up to hang out with you

- you might just be grocery shopping, but he'll come too

- and he'd invite you to do things with him as well

- the love language he'd want to be shown most is words of affirmation

- he goes on all sorts of adventures and loves to talk about them to you

- plus your praise makes him feel sm more confident in his decisions and also himself generally

- hes def eating those compliments up

kurapika

- words of affirmation

- he can't be around to spend as much time with you as he wishes he could

- but when he is he loves to listen to you talk or ramble

- he might get home at 2AM and roll into bed next to you, but as long as you're awake he's gonna ask how your day went

- he's also really good to go to for advice

- the love language he'd want to be shown most is probably touch

- he loves a physical reminder that you're there with him

- and it's also been a while since he's gotten to just hug someone and kiss them good morning or anything like that

- so he'd truly treasure it

leorio

- gift giving

- whenever he sees something you might like while out, he's sure to grab it

- whether it's a nice purse or a trinket

-expect it to be at your doorstep the next time he sees you

- he'd also hand make you gifts too for your birthday, maybe a picture frame or something

- the love language he'd want to be shown most is acts of service

- he's got a lot going on with school, so whenever you help out with cooking or tidy up his room he's forever grateful

- it's the little things you do to show you care that he loves about you

hisoka

- physical touch

- at first, his touches would be absentminded and teasing in nature

- but you know you’ve got him when he plays with your hair instead of caressing your thighs for example

- and in that case, he’s all over you, all the time

- in fact, he’s rather clingy at times

- if either one of you is down, touch. if he hasn’t seen you in a while, touch. if he just comes home wanting to hold you, touch.

- he doesn’t care what your love language is; it’s amusing all the same.

illumi

- gift giving

- i’d say this is the most obvious

- he’s rich—rich and lacks emotional intelligence

- that being said, he doesn’t lack logic

- his gifts aren’t just going to be of material value (though they usually are)

- he’ll get you a kitchen set because he heard that complaint a few weeks prior

- or maybe a bouquet because you’ve been watching a lot of romance recently

- and with each one he’ll give his little explain of why he chose that

“you were needing __, right? don’t worry, i already got it for you.”

- he does struggle with any other form of affection, so his gifts are a good way for him to remind you of his love

- even if he can’t express it at times

- hot take: he actively doesn’t like most love languages

- physical touch, gift giving, and quality time would just be things he tolerates

- so he prefers a love language that isn’t one of those

chrollo

- quality time

- now he’s usually a huge loner, but eventually he’d rather have you around

- if he’s reading, you can sit in his lap

- if he’s strategizing, you can give counsel

- he also loves to do mundane things with you

- not because he likes the normality in any way

- but because watching you do the dishes with that rhythmic humming, or sleeping in gives him a glimpse into your more vulnerable, personal side

- and as much as his mind is arguing to exploit those parts of you

- his heart just wants to enjoy them

- the love language he’d like to receive is the same as his own

[apollodarling-writes]

Could I request some headcanons for Hisoka? Sfw/fluff. The reader is a child (killua and gon's age, and travels with them) and somehow got attached to him. Even though gon and killua find him super creepy and don't trust him, y/n doesn't find him off-putting at all and wants to hang out with him. Like at heavens arena, instead of being disgusted at his little show he put on, she was amazed he could do such things. Reader doesn't have a dad so he kind of takes that role in her eyes. She thinks he's really cool and follows him around when he's in the area. Reader is also training as an assassin (not quite as good as killua though) so she doesn't find his desire for killing scary. I just want some cute hc's between hisoka and his little admirer :)) fem or gn pronouns.

hisoka with a child! reader hcs

cws : fluff, sfw, father-figure hisoka, murder mentions, reader is an assassin in training, hisoka trains reader, it’s been a lil bit since i’ve watched hxh so it miiight be ooc, disorganized thought process.

— killua and gon would be very, very confused at the fact that you don’t find hisoka creepy. they would both try to reason with you, but wouldn’t hold it against you if you stand your ground on the subject. although, they might be a little concerned for your wellbeing.

— hisoka would have already noticed that you favor him for than the other two, and would be more than a little flattered.

— hisoka strikes me at the tough love type of father figure. while he would dote on you, he would also make it very clear that he expects good things from you.

— hisoka would make sure you’re well fed and would go out of his way to protect you.

— i definitely see hisoka being similar to illumi in terms of the extent of his protectiveness. at some point, even killua and gon would have noticed his presence around you at all times, whether or not you knew it.

— when you ask hisoka to train you so you can protect yourself better, he would smile and tell you that he can protect you just fine. if you insist, he’ll teach you, but when he’s training you, he won’t go easy on you.

— hisoka absolutely adores you. he won’t go out of his way to hide blatant murder from you, but when he sees the way your eyes sparkle after he kills someone, his chest swells with pride.

— in all honesty, i can see hisoka making you a mini-him. not exactly forcing his own ideals onto you, but planting those seeds.

— when you tell hisoka that you think of him as a father figure, his gaze would soften almost unnoticeably and pat your head with a smile.

— hisoka would change a bit after that, he’d be a bit gentler with you, even more attentive and protective, and would make sure that he has eyes on you in some form at all times. you’re his kid, so he doesn’t want to lose you.

— when hisoka is participating in heavens arena, he won’t ascend a level unless you do. he will purposefully sabotage himself just so he can be sure that you’re safe.

— before hisoka’s fight with kastro, he’ll search for you in the crowd and give you an extravagant bow to see you smile.

— during his fight, he’ll do his best to keep an eye on you so he knows you’re not in any trouble.

— hisoka will play card games with you all day long if you’ll let him. he loves seeing you pout when he beats you, but also loves seeing you smile pridefully when he lets you win. also, expect a lot of card towers.

— hisoka will teach you nen once he deems you well versed in combat. he probably won’t let you take the hunter exam unless you really want to, just because he doesn’t want anything to happen to you.

— all in all, a (kinda) creepy dad that dotes on you :DD

[morallygreyyn]

Hey! I recently saw your work with hcs of the hxh boys and loved it! Wanted to ask if you could do a Hanahaki disease short story with Kurapika except it's the other way around where the reader has the disease. Reader tries to hide it from him but he eventually finds out because of how close they are as friends, if you're comfortable with this request >~<

hanahaki disease with the hxh boys (pt. 2) (kurapika, hisoka, illumi headcanons)

authors note: hi hi! i decided to do this request for all the hxh boys and not just kurapika! i hope that's ok anon!

warnings: mentions of death

this is part two of my hanahaki disease headcanons! you can read part one here where the boys have the disease!

requests are open! please read my rules!

wow

the poor boy gets very distressed when you just suddenly disappear

you don't answer his calls

you don't answer the door

he doesn't see you anywhere

it's like you just vanished into thin air

little did he know, you're dying

and it's because of him

when the first petal fell from your lips, you knew immediately what it was...and who it was for

you weren't sad that kurapika didn't love you back, you knew he didn't

he was much too focused on his goals, and you didn't want to distract him from his purpose

it was what had kept him going for the longest time after all

and you were honoured to have helped him

but now you were dying and you didn't want kurapika to know

knowing kurapika like the back of your hand, you knew how to hide from him

and so, you holed yourself away in a rundown apartment, letting the hanahaki disease slowly claim your body

kurapika is frantic at this point

he has searched high and low for you to no avail

he even enlisted the help of leorio, killua, and gon to find you

with the dream team assembled, it was only a matter of time until they tracked you down

the boys allowed kurapika to see you alone, not wanting to intrude where they were not welcome

although they were delighted to know that you were still alive

but only just

kurapika knows just by the petal soaked floor what is happening, and he rushes to your side

"who is it?" he asks, dumbfounded that you were dying of unrequited love

who wouldn't love you?

you had stood steadfast by his side time and time again, even when he thought you wouldn't

never once did you walk away

never once did you think of him as a burden

you stood by him, had helped him

he couldn't lose you

not you

"what can I do?" he pleaded, clasping your hand in his own

"there is nothing." you whispered, voice scratchy and hoarse from coughing

"tell me who it is, I'll find them."

"you already have."

"Leorio?"

"no, you idiot, it's you." you teased playfully, knowing that kurapika was anything but stupid

"you're dying because of me?"

"it's okay." you managed to smile at him, happy that he would be with you in your final moments

"I don't understand, why are you dying?"

"you know the myth, you know why."

"I do know the myth, which is why I don't know." kurapika too a break, smoothing back your hair from your forehead. "because I love you too."

it was almost miraculous how quickly the disease cleared from your lungs

you could suddenly breathe again

"really?" you almost didn't dare to believe it

"of course I do." he confirmed, before pulling you into a long awaited embrace

ok so hisoka is a tough one

he would know about the hanahaki disease

so he would know the signs

why you fell in love with hisoka was an utter mystery to you

you don't even know how it had happened

you had been friends and partners in crime with the man for as long as you could remember

but love? that seemed farfetched

until it wasn't

it began as a small cough, a light tickle in the back of your throat that acted as a warning that the worst was yet to come

you brushed it off, nothing thinking much of it until a petal fell into your hand

your eyes widened once you saw it, you had heard of the myth before during your travels

you knew what was coming

at first you didn't realise that it was hisoka you loved

who was the poor idiot who had won your heart? who were you about to die for?

you were sure to give them hell before you left this world, perhaps even bring them with you to the afterlife

how dare they end your life

only, your coughing grew worse once you saw hisoka again

with his catlike eyes and twisted grin

ah, that was the poor idiot

you knew the likelihood of hisoka every having feelings for you was slim to none, and the fact that you had developed the hanahaki disease was proof of that

unfortunately for you, hisoka was rather astute and noticed that you seemed sick

"don't tell me my favourite person has come down with the sniffles?"

"of course not."

you would avoid him after that, you didn't want him to see you weak

and you certainly didn't want him to find out that you loved him

so you hid, hoping that your death would be swift

hisoka noticed your absence, and he found himself not liking it one bit

you were the one who he enjoyed teasing, and who teased him in return

you were, as much as he was shocked to realise, rather close to him

remembering that you had seemed unwell the last time he had saw you, hisoka began to wonder whether your illness was serious

given the fact that you had disappeared unannounced, he began to think that there was something you were hiding

there is nothing hisoka loves more than a game

and you had unintentionally presented him with a great one

he tracked you down to a quiet forest of all places, surrounded by a field of red petals

hey, if you're hisoka's friend, you're going to be quite dramatic like he is

"my, my, this is quite the scene." he grinned as he approached, before seeing how pale you looked, the blood around your mouth, and the fact that you weren't moving

looking closer at the petals, he could see that they were red because of the dried blood that had stained them

oh, you had the hanahaki disease

considering the fact that you had left him without a word, he came to the correct conclusion

he wasn't an idiot, you clearly loved him

and you were dying

usually, hisoka enjoyed the idea of death but seeing you before him, basically in the afterlife, his perception of it drastically changed

he approached your body, narrowed eyes closely observing the stunted rise and fall of your chest, hearing the shallowness of your breaths

bringing his lips to your ear, hisoka whispered, "you really are quite dramatic, y/n, this is almost too much."

his fingers danced over your chapped lips

"what would you have me do, hm?"

his touch lightly trailed over your closed eyelids

"how unnecessary, considering the fact that I also love you."

it took a little while for you to regain consciousness

when you did, you found hisoka grinning at you

you also found him holding your hand

oh, you were both idiots

ok so lets just feed into the delusion for a sec that illumi would have the emotional capacity to love someone and actually admit it out loud

i refuse to write sad shit ok

so you love illumi

you had felt the emotion grow the more time you spent with the stoic assassin

it was no surprise when you realised you had developed the hanahaki disease

in fact, you had almost suspected it

once you realised you had loved illumi, it was only a matter of time before you died from it

there was no way someone as emotionally stunted as the eldest Zoldyck sibling would ever feel something remotely close to love, especially in the romantic department, especially for you

you knew him too well, you had been working with him for the longest time

ever since you first laid eyes on him, he was stuck with you

you followed him around, not bothering him enough for him to kill you, but just enough to get to know him

or, more accurately, for him to know you

illumi had grown used to you stubbornly following him around

he had grown to expect your endless chatter that often filled the void of silence

he had grown used to your constant presence

you knew he didn't mind, he had never sent you away

perhaps he was lonely and you fixed that

however, now that you were dying because of him, you had a choice to make

either, you could leave and die in peace, or you could tell him and see whether that would kill you faster

if you chose to hide, it would take him a matter of seconds to track you down - it was his job after all

if you chose the latter, you would mention it briefly, just to see how he would react

either way, the conversation would be the same

"by the way, I'm not going to be around for much longer, so you'll have to do that without me."

"where are you going?"

"to the most mysterious land of all." you smiled, wanting to make a joke out of your upcoming demise. "I have a date with the grim reaper."

illumi was perhaps the most confused you had ever seen him before

you had gone mad - what on earth were you talking about?

"what?"

"I'm dying, illumi." as if on cue, a coughing fit quickly swept through you, and a whole flower fell into your hand. you presented him with the bloodied bloom. "see?'

illumi has never heard of the hanahaki disease before

looking closer at you, he was ever so slightly perturbed to realise that you certainly looked unwell

"you just coughed up a flower."

"well spotted."

"how are you dying?"

you sighed, realising you would have to spell it out for him. "it's called the hanahaki disease, and it is a curse everyone suffering from unrequited love dreads."

"you love someone?"

you laughed darkly, here goes nothing

"you."

if you thought illumi looked confused before, that was nothing compared to now

"me?'

"is that so hard to believe?"

illumi couldn't fathom what he was hearing

someone loved him?

you loved him?

it sounded utterly ridiculous

but there you were, dying before his very eyes

"I don't understand."

"what don't you understand?"

"why are you dying?"

"I just told you why."

he stared at you blankly, black eyes boring into yours. "then the myth is wrong."

"what are you...?" you trailed off, not daring to hope what he might be implying. "do you love me?"

illumi didn't respond, and you didn't know whether he had the capability of admitting the words aloud

despite this, that was good enough for the disease to immediately clear from your lungs

and you took a deep breath to fill them again

gone was the pain, the heaviness, the urge to cough

"you love me." you looked at him again, filled with more hope than ever before

it wasn't a question this time

you knew illumi loved you, in his own special way

you dared to kiss him, and illumi allowed it despite his utter shock

that’s how you knew he meant it

[etrsilk]

ooo a new page!! welcome!! <3 may I request the main four with a super affectionate reader?

₊✩‧₊˚ ᡣ𐭩 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑 ⇝ 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 .ᐟ

ˏˋ ➛ 𝙞𝙣𝙘𝙡𝙪𝙙𝙚𝙨: 𝘒𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘶𝘢,𝘎𝘰𝘯,𝘒𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘪𝘬𝘢,𝘓𝘦𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘰

˗ˏˋ ➛ 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 — ✘

˗ˏˋ ➛ 𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙧𝙚 — 𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘧𝘧

⎝ 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚:: yes tbh this is the first time I downloaded Tumblr, I used to post on Wattpad but people make fewer requests there! and what's more, I find Tumblr prettier!! ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧ thank you and of course!! I hope you like it <3♡

 —𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐔𝐀ꫂ ၴႅၴ

It's a bit sad to say, but early in your relationship, Killua was so unfamiliar with physical affection (or in general for that matter) that it would be an understatement to say that he was embarrassed when you gave it to him. showed.

➘ The affection you gave him made him feel like a weak and vulnerable person, and besides, he didn't really know how to deal with it all. Should he return all the affection you give him in the same way? thank you ? or just do nothing...

➘ But fortunately, as time passed, this feeling dissipated to give way to the adoration of the affection you gave him.

➘ Now he just feels protected, loved and cherished. And the affection you give him really helps him in his everyday life because Killua has and always has had a stressful life, and whether it is unconsciously or not it affects him. So after a good stressful day, the fact that you cuddle him, kiss him or even play with his hair soothes and relaxes him: Killua has learned to appreciate the affection you give him.

➘ Despite that, he doesn't necessarily like PDA, he likes to hold your hands and kiss you in public from time to time, but that's it. He doesn't want to become one of those awkward couples with 0 intimacy in public...

➘ I have to point out how the fact that you are affectionate helps him communicate and makes him comfortable expressing his emotions!

➘ I tend to think that he is more sensitive to verbal affection than to physical affection.

 —𝐊𝐔𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐈𝐊𝐀ꫂ ၴႅၴ

➘ You brighten up his days so much and reduce his stress so much, each day that passes, he is more and more happy to be by your side and grateful that you are not one of those people too embarrassed to show his affection!

➘ Kurapika finds a certain pride and happiness in being loved by someone so affectionate, which greatly enriches his life and makes him more confident and calm in everyday life.

➘ The loving support you give him also makes him feel less burdened by the constant anxiety he feels and helps him manage these emotions better!

➘ However he is not fond of ultra affectionate PDA, Kurapika has an image of a serious person who is quite charismatic and he knows it, he also knows that hugging and cuddling a person in public could break a little this image that is important to him given his work.

➘ and he would like to avoid putting too much light on your relationship because he is afraid that people will attack him through you, ahhh his job is complicated to live with...

➘ But in private, Kurapika gets angry or worried if you don't give him enough affection

“You usually fall asleep on my chest, why are you on the other side of the bed? Did I do something wrong???”

➘ Physical affection affects him more than verbal affection!

 —𝐆𝐎𝐍ꫂ ၴႅၴ

➘ I feel like Gon would really appreciate affection on a certain level but only to a limit.

➘ Gon is someone who NEEDS space, not in the sense that he has a social battery or whatever, but sometimes he just needs to be alone and limit physical contact. I know, I don't see Gon as a loner either and that's not what I mean, is that understandable? 😭

➘ I have the impression that Gon has never really lacked love and affection and therefore feels a little less need and is a little less sensitive to affection, but for all that it doesn't bother him at all ! Especially if he sees that it does you good! All that matters to him is your happiness.

➘ However, the constant affection you offer him still has an impact, it gives Gon emotional security, allowing him to be more calm and open.

➘ He has no problem with PDA, public or private, a hug and kisses is still a hug and kisses, eh? (˶˃ᵕ˂˶)

➘ He is more sensitive to verbal affection than physical affection.

 —𝐋𝐄𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐎ꫂ ၴႅၴ

➘ Leorio loves it so much that you are affectionate.

➘ He is so stressed about these studies, and having someone close to him to cuddle and kiss him greatly reduces his stress!

➘ Especially since he is too proud to admit his stress and these fears to always give an air of confidence, so he doesn't even need to speak for you to come and bring him comfort with all your affection helps him enormously. .

➘ during a long tiring day of study, this memory that once he returns home he will find the girl of his dreams ready to cuddle and kiss him motivates him.

➘ Your affection really makes Leorio proud, and compared to others he has no problem letting people know that he has someone and an affectionate person at that, so he has no problem with PDA! (He basically flexes)

➘ He also finds this part of you very endearing and cute…

➘ I don't think he's more sensitive to physical or verbal affection, it depends!

—English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes!! ( ꩜ ᯅ ꩜;) 

[rosazoldyckk]

-Yandere! Killua Zoldyck X Reader Headcanons-

⚠️warning⚠️ mentions of obsessive/yandere tendencies, kidnapping, stalking and assassination.

Fandom: Hunter X Hunter. Character(s): Killua Zoldyck, Silva Zoldyck, Kikyo Zoldyck, Gon freecs.

*.:✧*.:✧*.:✧*.:✧*.:✧ 1073 words *.:✧*.:✧*.:✧*.:✧*.:✧*.:✧

*.:✧*.:✧*.:✧*.:✧*.:✧*.:✧ *.:✧*.:✧*.:✧*.:✧*.:✧*.:✧ *.:✧*.:✧

Killua's love for you is intense. This new and rather unique feeling confuses him, and as much as he doesn't want to, he asks his mother and father about it.

Well, safe to say that Kikyo is absolutely FURIOUS that Killua is even thinking about something so foolish. She dedicated her whole being to raising her sons so that they could be the best assassins the zoldyck's could raise, and the heir to the family is thinking about love?? OUTRAGEOUS!!

Silva however, Is much more relaxed than his wife is and even encourages Killua to explore deeper into how he feels about you. To Killua, his father just wants him to be happy and free however in reality Silva wants a secured future for the Zoldyck family. So long as his son remains 'obedient' then all is well. (And maybe Silva can use you as a way to blackmail Killua if he ever becomes a hassle for the family)

Anyways. Now that Silva is on board, Killua is free to do whatever he wants with you!

No doubt that Killua politely asked Milluki to retrieve some information about you. (And by politely asked I mean threatened to destroy Milluki's dolls) And after Milluki being the ‘wonderful’ big brother that he is, Killua now knows all of your family's dark secrets that even you don't know.

Gon is the first to know about Killua's crush on you and in short he's super happy for his best friend! Gon is also just as encouraging as Silva is, even trying to spend some more time with Leorio and Kurapika so that you and you and Killua can have some 'alone time' (Gon doesn't know how crazy Killua is for you.)

Spontaneously walked up behind you one day in York new city and cut off some of your hair. Everyone around to witness it, including you, thought that he was some sort of psychopathic stalker when he was actually trying to be sweet. Even after all this time he still has it in a small ziplock bag underneath his pillow.

He really likes sleeping in the same room as you. Even when you don't know that he's there. You look so impossibly adorable, what with your tranquil expression and your gorgeous body. Killua couldn't help but wonder how it might feel to have you so at peace in his arms, with your steady and gentle breaths pushing against him. He wondered how it might feel to have your hands so securely wrapped in his own, with the softness of your skin soothing his.

Goes without saying that he'd 100% kill for you or torture someone in your name. What else could he do to prove his love? Must he rip out his heart and lay it on a bed of roses for you to acknowledge his undying emotions for you? If he needed help, than surely Gon, Kurapika and Leorio wouldn't hesitate.

Let's face it. Killua wasn't asking you out. He was telling you, you're now dating. He’s got a forceful side to him when it comes to starting the relationship.

If you didn't want to date him, that's just too damn bad because how are you in a position to refuse him when he’s the heir to the worlds strongest assassin family?

"We're not a couple, Killua! Stay away from me!" You screamed. Killua giggled as he looks up at you, a wicked smirk plastered on his face. "Yes... We are, Y/N. I've chosen you." He steps closer, making you gulp. "You're mine now~"

Killua wears the pants in your relationship. Well, he made the pants. He's the dominant one out of you two and he won't have it another way.

He's not delusional, just a boy who’s in love.

Killua may be a little immature, but boy is he smart. Growing up the way he did really gifted him with the art of manipulation and gaslighting to get his way.

Sometimes, he likes to make you feel foolish and pathetic. As a powerplay move.

He informs everyone including his family that both of you are dating. Even if it is not technically true. If Killua says your his. Then sorry, but there’s not much that anyone can do to help you.

Killua also forces his affection on you. (If you can even call it that). His favorite form of physical affection is hand-holding.

His favorite kisses to give are kisses on your knuckles. It's a gentleman's habit he learned here and there.

Call Killua a gentleman, and he’ll hold the title with pride

He'd give you the most bizarre but most expensive gifts (mostly from rich and fancy people that he’s had to assassinate). A whole bar of gold, a diamond necklace, rare animals, flower stems, the fingers of the people he’s had to kill, etc.

Killua isn’t overly expressive when it comes to telling you how much he loves you, Y’know since he didn’t really grow up hearing the words ‘I love you’ on a regular basis. So I think the farthest he expresses his love to you is through his drawings, and the occasional makeout session.

Killua would come to your home in the middle of the night with his skateboard and wake you up just so that he can tell you about the assassin life and how difficult it is. (As much as it’s fun to talk to you, Killua’s purely telling you so that you think twice about ever leaving him)

Now let's talk kidnapping...

If you got to a point where you couldn't take Killua forcing himself on you anymore and trying to flee, he would surely track you down in a short amount of time and then have you tied up tightly somewhere.

It saddens Killua deeply, to think that his love for you simply wasn’t enough to satisfy you, but he makes a silent oath to himself that he will try and be better, the second that he finds somewhere that will make sure that you never leave his side ever again.

His next step would be to inform his parents that a "guest" will be living with them for a while. And as skeptical the family is (an no matter how enraged Kikyo is upon hearing your arrival) they welcome you into their home. (On Killua’s demand) They don't even blink twice at the ropes wrapped around you or the collar tightened around your neck.

[justxtalking]

I'm so mad right now and I need to rant. I know I should get over it, but I literally can't. It's so annoying to meet hxh fans in real life.

I'm buying bit by bit the volumes of yu yu hakusho and hunter x hunter (level e is not available in my country), and reading them (again). I got volume 28 and took some photos of some panels that I liked and shared them as a collage in my story. It looked nice, I liked it and I am really happy that I finally got it. The thing is that a friend I haven't properly talked to for I don't know how long saw my story and realized that I liked hxh. We started talking, but damn, I don't regret sharing what I bought, but why are people like this? This is the second time it happens to me (third time if I include a non-fan but knows hxh): everytime someone hears that I like togashi's work, they start complaining about the popular hiatus (as if he's the only mangaka who does that). I so prefer to meet the guys who act all surprised everytime I go to buy a hxh volume in the comic book store. At least they try to make a conversation about the story and just ask me about my favorite character.

My conversation with this guy started with him just complaining about how togashi doesn't continue the story and he should leave it to someone else but he's too proud and blablabla. I tried to be sympathetic since he seems to be a fan of his work from years ago, but I did defend togashi a whole lot (he said I should stop defending him but never in my life I would do such a thing). I find it awful how some fans still put so much pressure on togashi to continue hxh when we know about his condition. And to just leave the story to someone else? It's clear that those people haven't done anything close to a story to say that.

I literally already made peace with the fact that I don't need an ending. As a fan, of course I want to know how it ends. But also as a fan, I don't want him to sell his soul to the devil only to know the ending.

And something I said to this guy was that he should make his own ending, I have mine and I will throw it away when hxh ends. It was literally a joke to lighten up the situation and it wasn't even something to focus on because in between I was saying other things. And he literally focused on that and said "don't let it be fujoshi" (used as an insult) and I'm here like: are we back into the 2000s and nobody told me?

1. What is the problem?

2. Why do you care?

3. We didn't even speak about any kind of ships, what are you trying to say?

4. Are you sure you know what type of story you're reading?

And this question is for me: How am I meeting dude bros in real life? Why are they in the WILD? AND HOW THE HELL DID I BEFRIEND ONE YEARS AGO WITHOUT ME KNOWING? I want a friend who also likes hxh and togashi's work to talk, but not like this </3

I'm so tired of these kind of people. While living my life outside of the Internet and just being in my corner of the fandom living the great life, I tend to forget that they still exist and there are people who still act like this. What annoys me the most is that literally, they don't know what type of story they're reading. They like to say they like hxh because they know it's good and it gives you some kind of "status" within the anime community because togashi is a really good mangaka and someone who influenced a lot of people within the manga community. Without him, shonen as a genre wouldn't be the same. But then, they also choose to ignore what they don't like about his work, like the queer elements. It's highly known that togashi loves to play with gender and sexuality, but that's only a fact for them when they find it convenient. If you don't like it, don't watch/read it, but it's ignorant and blatant stupid to just act as if it's not there and talk shit about other people only because it's uncomfortable to you. And I'm not even saying that everyone should analyze the story, some people just like to enjoy it and move on with their lives and some others don't know how to analize it, but one thing is that and another thing is just to close off to the possibility when it's clearly there. But of course, the others are sick, not them who are clearly homophobic and don't want to admit it. They should ask themselves why do they get so mad about the possibility of two kids being together romantically and just work on themselves. What's worst is that this guy even said to me he likes NANA and I don’t want to know what kind of interpretation he has because DAMN

To be honest, sometimes I'm a bit surprised about how well togashi seems to know the anime community, but of course he does, he's being a fan for how long now and he's being a mangaka for how long. And I so hope he keeps trolling because DAMN these people are annoying

The worst part is that these fans wouldn't even be friends with togashi or wouldn't like him as a fan because togashi really does look like the type of fan they would hate. Togashi likes BL, mpreg, obscure stories, horror (body horror even) and science fiction (both genres who allow and are known for queerness), he used to make doujinshis (even in an era that was even more bad looked upon than now), he likes to draw bishonen characters (even in a time which was more common to see buff characters in shonen), he drew gender-bender designs of kurama and hiei, he included a homoerotic art of kurama and karasu (a friend made it for him i think) in his doujinshi, he wanted to make a shonen with gay characters and crossdressing and the list goes on and on. He likes so many things that these others fans are disgusted by and it really looks like they don't know who they are admiring. The reason why ending D got so much negative attention when it came out is because it doesn't sound believable that a mangaka like togashi himself, the same person who made level e and is constantly worried of making an interesting story, would make such a bland and heteronormative ending in a story like hxh no less.

They should just shut up and go do their homework instead, they look ridiculous.

And no, I didn't answer this guy again and I don’t think I will, though I really want to troll him.

[nightqueen1221]

Hey there ! I just wanted to request but if they are not open you can ignore.

May I request Killua and Gon (separate) getting caught kissing the reader?

(They're so cute here.)

Gon Freeces

-Depends if it's more playful or more meaningful.

-Playful meaning he's just giving short little kisses on you anywhere, repeatedly.

-On the cheek, on the lips, on your forehead.

-He might also be tickling you. (If you're ok with that, I hate it when people tickle me without asking if it's ok.)

-If it's more meaningful, the kisses are longer lasting and mostly on the lips. Plus, he'll have his arms wrapped around your waist.

-Someone walking in on the playful one, he'll probably notice the person and leave one more kiss on you before going to talk to them.

-Passionate, means he gets a little embarrassed and sits up straight, adjusting himself.

-He doesn't have any other reactions than that since he rarely is ashamed of what he does or has done.

-It also never gets brought up again unless you or the other person asks about it.

-(And if it's Killua who walked in, he's going to talk about it.)

-Gon will just shrug it off. It doesn't bother him that much.

Killua Zoldyck

-Now Killua, is VERY protective of you Even if he has clearly seen you protect yourself.

-And by protective, I mean he also possessive.

-Not in an unhealthy way, but he doesn't want anyone else to have you the way he does.

-So regardless on how you two are kissing, he's going to be flustered and upset.

-Fun little kisses is something kinda rare since he prefers to take more time and care into showing how much he loves you.

-When someone walks in on the rare times he's just having fun with you, he'll get up and try and act like nothing happened. Even if the person asks he'll just respond, "None of your business."

-If it's the slow and more preferred kisses, he gets SUPER flustered.

-He'll wipe his mouth while yelling at the person to, "GET OUT!" With his face a bright shade of red.

-Even if the person does leave, it kinda ruins his mood after that so he most likely ask if you want to do something else.

-(His go to distractions are board games.)

[illubean]

Can I get a hisokas sister x killua? Like hisokas sister is affectionate but not in a creepy way she just want to show killua how much she likes him😔(mainly in gifts and unexpected hugs, cheek kisses) you can do what you want with this request.🫶🏼have a good day! I love your blogs btw!! :))) it’s nice to see some hxh blogs😭

Killua with HisokasSister!reader

Characters: Killua Zoldyck Type: Fluff, Headcanons, Fem!reader

ok I know my rules say I won't write romantically for Killua or Gon but this one is kinda in a grey area and the request was cute soooo up to interpretation even though it's intended to be mostly platonic >.< also im going to try and be nice as a certified Hisoka hater LMAO

Warnings: Hisoka.

being Hisoka's little sister was...interesting

he's literally insane a lil cray but he's all you got and you wouldn't trade him for the world

you met Killua at the hunter exam and became part of the little friend group he had going because you were one of the only other kids there

and over your time there you ended up getting attached to him

you followed him around all the time and latched yourself to his side whenever you could

and poor boy was conflicted

it was kind of annoying but also? nice at the same time???

so yeah despite him looking so annoyed at you all the time he doesn't actually try stopping you from showing him affection

he has no clue what to do with all the random stuff you give him especially since they're pretty useless sometimes...

and he's very confused on where you find this stuff and why you even thought of giving it to him

like where tf did you find a bird skull? and how did you manage to find so many pieces of sea glass??????

you're like a crow with attachment issues or something

it's not until after the exam and you follow him and Gon to heaven's arena that he finds out you're related to Hisoka

and hes like HAH!?!?

when you all made it to the 200th floor the boys were literally shaking in their boots when they got closer to Hisoka

and when you ran up to him and hugged him like it was nothing? ARE YOU CRAZY!?

after his talking and whatever and Wing coming to get you guys Hisoka's like sooo are you coming with me or what

and you're like nah I wanna stay with Killua

and hes like "Oh my, seem's like someone's infatuated with the Zoldyck boy. Don't worry, he's not the one I'm interested in"

and Killua is like WTFFFF

HOW IS SOMEONE SO WEIRD AND SCARY RELATED TO YOU

he's more weary around you now and a lot more hesitant to ever push you away

he already liked and admired you as a person but now there is an added fear factor

we all know Illumi doesn't like Killua having friends

but if it's you? ...well there's not much you can really do

he doesn't mind all that much because your brother is a valuable ally and you've probably got potential too

but yeah overall Killua just accepts your affection without any questions partially because he is afraid

[i-heart-hxh]

Does killua know gon loves him?

Hi anon! This is such a simple question, but not a simple one to answer. I'll do my best, though!

So, I think the answer is both yes and no, in different ways.

Yes, in the sense that Gon has directly expressed his appreciation of and admiration towards Killua multiple times, said he enjoys being with him and wants to stay with him, and even called him his best friend at the end of Greed Island (really BEST friend, 最高の友達, saikou no tomodachi--I think the translation of "best friend in the whole world" gets the emphasis of this phrase across pretty well).

He said it "Has to be Killua," (キルアじゃなきゃダメなんだ, Killua ja nakya dame nanda) in the dodgeball match, which has implications both during the match and outside of it, that Killua is the only one he fully trusts and the only one who can be by his side for something this pivotal. This phrase has romantic implications, essentially the subtextual meaning is "Killua is the only one for me," hence why Killua reacts as strongly as he does to it. Notice how much he hides his face on this page.

So, I think it's silly to say Killua has no idea Gon cares about him deeply and values him. There are so many moments where Gon says things like this. It's partly why Killua loves Gon so much, because Gon isn't afraid to express that level of love and care and appreciation towards him, as uncomfortable as he acts about it. He's just unused to that receiving kind of praise and attention simply for being himself, rather than being praised for his abilities.

With Killua's views of himself, it's hard for him to fully accept Gon's affection and take it to heart, but luckily Gon is straightforward and doesn't hold back, and keeps repeatedly telling Killua how much he means to him. As the series goes, they form a strong mutual bond and relatively good understanding of each other.

The problem is that multiple things happen in Chimera Ant Arc to disrupt Killua's sense of where he belongs in Gon's life.

He "fails" by fleeing from Pitou with Gon and "leaving Kite to die." While Gon doesn't blame Killua for the decision he made and neither does Kite, Killua nonetheless certainly blames himself for this to a degree. (Remember the scene with Morel and Knov mocking him?) It doesn't help that Bisky tells him that because of his inability to face opponents he sees as stronger than him, he'll eventually leave Gon to die. Then he watches the awful ramifications of what Kite's death does to Gon, knowing he had a role in what happened.

Gon goes on the date with Palm, and Killua variously misinterprets this whole situation to mean that Gon has been on real dates with women previously (I do not think he had been on any dates in an actual romantic sense), Gon actually might have romantic feelings towards Palm, and that they're in some degree of a relationship even after Gon tells her they can't be together and Palm quietly dumps Gon in favor of Knov after the date. This sends Killua spiraling into his whole "Are we friends? Or are we teammates?" concerns, in conjunction with the next factor.

Gon's "I swear... I'll take on that bastard myself," about Pitou, and the later "This has nothing to do with you," line. Remember how much Gon relied on Killua in the dodgeball match, and how much that meant to Killua? Remember how Killua very nearly died and his last thoughts were apologizing that he wasn't more useful to Gon? Killua stakes his whole sense of self on being useful to Gon, so when Gon makes taking down Pitou a solo mission, Killua doesn't know what role he has at Gon's side any more.

I'm sure there are plenty more factors I'm leaving out, but these are the main issues that lead to the gulf that develops between them during the course of Chimera Ant Arc.

Ever after all of this, they're still friends, they're on reasonably good terms when they part even though it's complex and fraught, but there's just so much they're not saying to each other about how they really feel.

I think Killua still knows Gon cares about him with the way they leave off--they agree to stay in touch, say they'll meet again, Killua even teases Gon about the way he treated him a few times and sees that Gon feels awful when he brings it up. I'm sure Gon apologized to Killua when they first saw each other again after all of that, no matter how non-comprehensive that apology may have been.

But, I do think Killua sees his feelings towards Gon as deeper and of a different nature than how he assumes Gon feels towards him. He may even feel a degree of guilt about the extent and nature of his feelings, with an assumption that, as much as Gon cares about him, Gon doesn't reciprocate Killua's romantic feelings. It may be one of many puzzle pieces contributing to the separation.

I think Killua has strong beliefs about Gon not returning his feelings in a romantic sense, which is part of what leads to how much pain he goes through in Chimera Ant Arc and beyond. But these beliefs are less about what Gon does or doesn't do--because *I* believe Gon has romantic feelings for Killua, even though he likely doesn't recognize them as such yet, and obviously in CAA his relationship with Killua is not at the forefront of his mind--but more about how Killua sees himself and how he projects that self-perception on Gon.

The thing is, Killua hasn't directly expressed his feelings (even on a friendship level) towards Gon either. and even hides how much he does for Gon, so Gon also doesn't fully understand the weight and degree of Killua's feelings for him either. He sees what Killua does for him and I'm sure he knows that's a way Killua expresses friendship to him, but at the same time, the reasons or feelings or depth behind those actions remain unspoken, so how is Gon supposed to know fully where Killua is coming from?

As much as he may have some inklings of Killua's feelings from reading his body language and all the time they spent together, it's not something that has been confirmed or stated the way Gon has expressed his feelings. So, it makes sense that these two boys might assume the other doesn't love them back the same way they love each other, because their own self-esteem is so low and they don't see themselves as deserving of the kind of love they have for each other.

So, in response to your question, both yes and no, and "It's complicated," too.

[silleegob]

A small KilluGon subtext theory!

So I was rewatching HxH, and on episode 63, Bisky describes Killua and Gon as gems. You can also see this on chapter 139!

Gon was described as a diamond, and Killua was described as a sapphire.

I got curious on why togashi picked these particular gems, clearly it had another meaning other than what Bisky said...? So ofc I decided to look it up. I searched on google what the relationship between a sapphire and a diamond is.

The first thing that appeared was a literal engagement ring. It was said there that this combination—specifically called diamond-studded blue sapphire ring—symbolizes love and eternity.. LIKE HELLO!?!?

That article described the diamond as a symbol of eternal beauty, strength, and brilliance. While sapphires are to provide excellent health and support. Doesn't this sound a lot like Gon and Killua's relationship? In short, Gon is someone who shines bright and just overall admireable, and Killua is someone who is always there to support and help gon.

It also described diamonds as pure gems that sparkle in the light and are considered to be a symbol of true love. This sounds a lot like Gon. He is a pure child—everything about him is pure and innocent, Killua sees Gon as light itself, and he is also Killua's true love (there's no doubt about that.) And as for sapphires, they have the potential to help you achieve something great, and I think that's definitely similar to Killua. We all know he has been a big help to gon's character and achievements.

Also, a diamond-studded blue sapphire ring is considered to be the perfect way to say "I love you" (probably in terms of marriage) AND WHAT THE FUCK THAT'S JUST TOO CUTE. 😭

Another cute thing is, if you look up the best gem combination for a ring, diamond and sapphire will show up. This could portray how Gon and Killua go so well together and how they make a perfect pair.

This is just my theory tho! I wanna know what you guys think of it. :3