#and dontasktheradiodemon

[furby-organist]

> So! After hearing his friend Valera was accidentally poisoned by an Angel Dust, as well as another Alastor’s science experiment drinking a Sir Pentious’s venom, local Alexa’s last two brain cells decided he needed to partake in the fun! Thus, he’s going to find out if local Angel Dust is venomous. What could go wrong.

> The scene: One (1) Radio Demon, way too excited at the prospect of being potentially injected with venom, currently hanging out in his radio tower. More specifically, the studio room used by PCU College Radio. He’s hovering over the shoulder of a small fish-type demon, an exhausted college student who will absolutely be liveblogging the impending shitshow over on @killstreaming . (Her roommate is broadcasting but he’s out of eyesight really and minding his own damn business, a luxury Marina doesn’t get!)

> (Alastor had debated whether he should have some privacy in the event he reacts poorly to the alleged venom, or if he should allow voxblr commentary, and he decided that getting liveblogged about meant more attention on him! What is dignity? He doesn’t really know! Queue a mic tap.)

> “Hel-lo Pentagram City! This evening, we’re doing a segment in the name of scientific inquiry! We’re going to find out if the famous and fabulous Angel Dust is venomous! If he is, will the venom affect me? In what way? I’m terribly curious, and I imagine you are as well!” 

> “If I’m greeted by double death, and this station broadcasts nothing but dead air -- my apologies!”

[concubuck]

I just watched an alternate dressed like he escaped the Revolutionary War take a huge bite of chili, scream at top volume, upchuck in a trash can, laugh so hard I thought he was going to upchuck his lungs next, dig three ghost chilis out of our host's icebox, and chew them up like they're the antidote to a fatal poison. The last I saw, he was laying with his head on the kitchen table and laughing so hard he was sobbing. Or vice-versa.

It's not often these days I see an alternate and think "good golly, he's living an interesting afterlife." And yet.

[a-royal-hoot]

📖 Ohhh, clever...

[sssardonian-ssserpent]

Pentious, do you have a cell phone? You could just call the Hotel and get Alastor to help you, right? Don’t you trust him?

“I…” He stills at that, eyes sliding from left to right, and he bites his lip. “..I mean, yes, I do, but how the hell could he even begin to try and fix THIS??” He waves a hand up and down his frame, as if to convey everything what was happening, the shakiness to his body starting to become a bit more pronounced. “I really fucking doubt he’s come across something like thith- like this before!”

[kuruising]

awful game of telephone, guys. keep it up.

[ruddygore]

@dontasktheradiodemon

((I'm picturing him wearing shutter shades and half a dozen glowstick necklaces))

[[ and NOTHING ELSE

[sackreligion]

Give Alastor lucky number 7.

7 - A Chumby Pikachu Plush! (What that means is up to you. It's squishy in an unpleasant way.)

[radio-daemon]

@dontasktheradiodemon

Why I'm quite inclined to agree with me, you!! But sometimes you have to do some charity work for those truly less fortunate than yourself, and there is none less fortunate on the short end of the rabbit ears than Vox!! 🎙

[furby-organist]

@dontasktheradiodemon x "Not to be too forward, or worse, ungentlemanly, but could I interest you in a trip to the kitchenware store?"

[broughttoyouby]

@dontasktheradiodemon​

🎶 ... after a word from our sponsors! This exciting encounter brought to you by the magic of interdimensional communication! No realm is inaccessible as long as you're broadcasting on the right frequency! Why, with a little luck, your signal can even go straight to Hell.

🎶 Always a pleasure to meet a fan.

  “I’m in Empire City, palsy! It’s just a pit-stop on the road to Hell anyway. Anybody here could tell you that! You’re on the air, baby! Welcome to Weasel’s Wild Radio Edition, what can I do for you?”

   “To be honest, I’m still not convinced! I don’t know you from a B-list Freedom Fighter. Got any proof I can go off of?” 

[ckret2]

Do you have any headcanons about the Hazbin's (minus Charlie) lives back when they were alive?

I scrolled through all 42 pages of the hazbin tag on my blog and literally every one of my premortem headcanons are about Alastor and Sir Pentious lmfao

So sure! Want an entire novella about my headcanons for Sir Pentious's backstory?

For Alastor, I can offer:

a traumatic toddler experience

his mother observing him with ghosts as a child

Alastor working with demons (funny)

Alastor working with demons (creepy)

Alastor and his asexuality/aromanticism (mostly postmortem but it has some premortem flashbacks)

Alastor with friends in the 20s trying to explain he does not get horny

a fic that didn't ACTUALLY happen but that demonstrates my headcanons for how he works with demons

And moving away from fics and on to tumblr posts!

For Alastor:

Alastor fought in World War I

another WWI post

headcanon about how he died (I've since changed my headcanon—hunting accident rather than manhunt—but the position's the same)

excerpt from one of the fics above about Alastor's first kiss

early headcanoning on Alastor's relationship with the queer community in life

Alastor saw but didn't learn the lindy hop in life

Alastor's accent makes people (in this case Sir Pentious) think that he's upper class when actually he's just had theater training

Alastor's family tree comes from a mix of socioeconomic backgrounds and before he died he achieved fame but not fortune

Alastor does not feel broken/insecure due to being ace/aro and never has

what people in Louisiana thought of Alastor as a radio host

what did Alastor look like (and Sir Pent)

Alastor only saw 10% of the Golden Age Of Radio and that's fucked up

fun fact when Alastor was on air radio stations weren't "just news" or "just (one genre of) music," a single station would play music and news and soap operas and sports etc

random links of queer history, 1920s gay culture, slang, and NOLA history

Alastor's mother grew up while Sir Pentious was menacing the US and she has very vivid memories of living in fear of him, and also she doesn't know her son is a cannibalistic murderer

Alastor wore glasses in life and only switched to a monocle in death

Alastor was never identified as a serial killer and there's probably unsolved true crime documentaries made about his killings (and these documentaries unknowingly use a recording of the killer's real voice, a clip from a news broadcast where Alastor read about the killings on air)

check out how hyped this newspaper in the 20s was for radio like goddamn

Alastor listened to radio all day every day

more 1920s research links

very loose overview of New Orleans race relations 1890-1920

how NOT to write about Voodoo

reminder that "alastor did magic in life" is a headcanon until we SEE him using magic before he died—also "Voodoo" is a religion not a magic power

how Alastor avoided getting caught as a serial killer

I doubt Alastor was famous enough for queer historians to have discovered he existed, only niche radio broadcast historians know about him

Alastor was raised to be courteous to (respectable) women, but not to genuinely see them as equals in a modern sense

1920s hair facts and headcanons on Alastor's hair

scene from one of the above fics of baby Alastor being haunted as shit

Alastor is a hedonistic thrill killer not a mission-oriented killer

his killing method was shooting from a distance, like hunting game

Alastor was kinda psychic in life and his psychicness interacted with radio signals

this includes developing a hella accurate sense of time

Alastor's always been hella into Mardi Gras

here he is in a ridiculous Cajun Mardi Gras costume

how the Great Depression probably affected Alastor

Alastor feels 0% empathy for other people but 500% empathy for fictional characters in musicals

For Sir Pentious:

he was so infamous that today he's a common character used in historical fiction in the same way that Victorian-era historical fiction commonly uses Queen Victoria as a character

(and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle references him in a Sherlock story)

(and he really did call himself Sir Pentious in life)

(and every character who lived after him had to study him in school, including Vaggie writing a paper about him and Alastor was cast as him in a school play)

(and now let's talk about historians dying and meeting the people they studied in Hell)

he has a son who's probably now in heaven

Sir Pent is trans

no seriously he has a son

Sir Pent has a chain of deadnames he used before settling on "Sir Pentious" and all of them are snake puns

one of Sir Pent's chosen names

based on Victorian sexual mores Sir Pent probably got kinda homoerotic with some dudes

this is just big Trans Sir Pent energy

what did Sir Pent look like (and Alastor)

I don't think Sir Pent used a wheelchair in life (but do think he had to for a while after he died)

Sir Pent is Pussyeating World Champ no I do not accept arguments

Sir Pent and his wife were very loving until his wife went "nope, you're planning world conquest, that's too evil for me"

he rigged his clothes to self-combust so he could choose death if he was ever on the verge of capture

his wife was named Helena and here's why

this is his self-destruct binder/corset

the one headcanon everyone shares

Sir Pent ain't Jack the Ripper

And there's a ton more headcanons on @dontasktheradiodemon my Alastor ask/RP blog but listen, I just went through 42 pages of one tag and it's 3 a.m., I'm not going to comb my roleplay blog for every premortem headcanon I've ever mentioned about him over there. It includes stuff like "he did deliberately shitty horoscope readings on air" and "the first time he summoned a demon he was on the Western Front and also coming down with Spanish flu so he's not sure how much of the ensuing chaos was real vs fevered hallucinations or how much was the Germans' fault vs the imp's" and "he lived a few years in New York and did drag."

These are not the only headcanons I have. These are just the headcanons I've been asked about or made time to type down. (And not counting all my postmortem headcanons. Or the premortem headcanons sprinkled into postmortem fics.) Feel free to ask me for more. Ideally with a topic you'd like to hear about; otherwise asking me "do you have any headcanons?" is like walking into a library and asking "do you have any books?" Gimme a section to start with.

[smiledotdeer]

Sniffle.

“That cookware is beautiful.”

( mentioned: @dontasktheradiodemon )

[dontasktheradiodemon]

Private Chat Log

((From last week: @hiss-and-vinegar checks in on Alastor after he gets shot by That Other Sir Pentious.

... And calls him out immediately. And this is why they're besties.))

02/23/2022

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 DID YOU /LET/ THAT SIR PENTIOUS BLEED YOU OUT? BECAUSE IT'S YOU, AND I KNOW YOUR.... TYPE.

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 I did! Don't tell anyone, I'm letting him claim the bragging rights for sending the Radio Demon to the hospital.

🎶 He pulled the same thing you did—"If you're not a threat, prove it by letting me bite you." Except instead of "bite" it was "shoot." With a shotgun.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 HA!!! YOU PERVERT!!! I KNEW THAT I DIDN'T NEED TO PREPARE A BASKET OF TREATS FOR YOU!!!

🐍 YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF, NYA HA HA. WELL, A SHOTGUN DOES MAKE MORE SENSE. NO NEED FOR HIM TO TASTE YOUR BLOOD!

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 Pervert? Keep your head out of the gutter, my friend! It was a gallant and self-sacrificial gesture of friendship!

🎶 ... I wouldn't mind a treat basket, though. This really IS thoroughly miserable. I'm too hungry to speed my healing much and I can't eat because he ventilated my digestive tract.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 I ALSO HEARD THAT HE THREATENED MY WIFE, AND I WON'T STAND FOR THAT. I'LL GIVE YOU A TREAT BASKET AND I'LL FILL HIM WITH HOLES.

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 To be fair, I don't think he even knows that your wife exists yet. How about you start by telling him his attack imperiled his alternate's wife and seeing if he apologizes BEFORE making an enemy out of your own doppelgänger?

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 DO YOU THINK I CARE THAT HE IS MY DOPPELGANGER? WHY BE SO DIPLOMATIC ABOUT IT! HE POPPED YOU LIKE A BALLOON AND IMPERILED MY WIFE AND UNHATCHED CHILD, THIS CALLS FOR MORE THAN DIPLOMACY!!!

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 Oh, but I think I just about befriended him! Don't ruin that for me, won't you? You know I'm going to have to choose sides if you two make enemies.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO CHOOSE MY SIDE. MY DAUGHTER LIKES YOU.

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 Of course I'll choose your side! That's just the thing! What's the point of going to all the trouble to befriend him if I've got to be his enemy because you went and picked a fight with him? Don't make it so I got shot for nothing, now!

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 BUT YOU DID GET SHOT FOR NOTHING. YOU COULD HAVE TURNED HIM INSIDE OUT WITH A THOUGHT!!!

🐍 THIS IS BECAUSE OF YOUR SPECIAL INTEREST!

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 I didn't WANT to turn him inside out with a thought. I wanted to make friends.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 ALASTOR... NOT ALL SIR PENTIOUSES ARE GOING TO BE AS CHARITABLE AS MYSELF OR TELLY.

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 Oh, I know THAT. That doesn't mean I'm not going to make an effort. If I wrote off every Sir Pentious that was viciously violent and hostile to Radio Demons during first meeting, I would have written YOU off, wouldn't I?

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 DULY NOTED, BUT I DON'T COUNT BECAUSE I WAS HERE FIRST.

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 From MY perspective, you were here second. The Sir Pentious that was here first has been trying to off me for fifty-odd years. (Granted, that's my fault, but still.) Yet I gave you a shot! I can give Sir Pent No. 5 a shot too!

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 DIDN'T HE GIVE YOU A SHOT FIRST? NYA HA HA HAAAAAAA

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 HA!!! Don't do that, I just reattached my large intestine to itself, I'm going to laugh it apart again!

🎶 Okay, all right, fair!! I gave him a shot and he gave me buckshot.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 ONE BUCK? HOW EXPENSIVE ~

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 HA!! Well, he was trying to assassinate the third president of the United States, you don't skimp on a job like that!

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 CLEARLY HE DOESN'T KNOW THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY OF TAKING YOU OUT... A SKILLFULLY CRAFTED MEME!

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 Don't even think about it! I'm serious! My stomach can't take it!

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 HEEHEEHEE

02/25/2022

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 YOU'RE BEING HARASSED TONIGHT HM!

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 So he wants to gloat! I'll let him have this. How often is he going to get an opportunity to crow over a Radio Demon he's defeated? Not that I mean to question his skill, of course... but I doubt he'll find another who's willing to stand there and let him pull the trigger.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 I FIGURED, THAT'S WHY I'M NOT COMMENTING!

🐍 SAY, DO YOU WANT ME TO COME VISIT YOU WHILE YOU'RE LAID UP??? I CAN BRING SOME GINGERED ALE!

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 Ask Telly if he's alright with it—we don't exactly entertain many guests—but I'd be thrilled. Give you an opportunity to mock me in person for what a puny figure I make.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 NYA HA HA

🐍 I SHALL APPROACH TELLY ABOUT IT, AND GET BACK TO YOU.

[beab1gsh0t1997]

@dontasktheradiodemon

YOU’RE REALLY [[ Fruit ]] ING ME NOW

PINOCCHIO!??!??!?! YOU SEE A GUY WITH A [[ EnL4rGeD ]] NOSE AND YOU [[ Can you tell these Men Apart? ]] ?!!?? I SEE HOW IT IS !!!!

WELL PULL IT, THEN, PULL MY [[ Nose ]] PULL MY [[ Eyes ]] PULL MY [[ Mouth ]] PULL MY [[ 4.99 ]]!!!!!!!!!!!

[hiss-and-vinegar]

Pumpkin: do you prefer sweet or savoury foods? 🎶 And feel free to throw in any other details about your culinary preferences you feel like sharing!

🐍 I LIKE BOTH, BUT IF I AM GOING TO HAVE A MEAL, I WOULD PREFER SOMETHING SAVOURY. MEAT, SALTY BUT NOT OVERDOING IT LIKE I KNOW YOU AMERICANS LIKE TO DO.

🐍 THE MEAT MUST BE SOFT AND JUICY. IF IT IS TOO CHEWY THEN I DO NOT WANT IT IN MY MOUTH, AND IF IT IS TOO DRY, THEN THAT GOES DOUBLE. 

🐍 SWEETS ARE RESERVED FOR TEA TIME, OR SOFT BREADS AND BISCUITS. CRUMBLY IS FOR THE LOWER CLASS, I ONLY ACCEPT SOFT AND FLUFFY.

[sackreligion]

“Welcome to the INTERNET! Come and take a SEAT, would you like to see the NEWS or any FAMOUS WOMEN’S FEET? There’s no need to panic, this ISN’T a test, HAHAHA! Just nod or shake your head, and we’ll do the REST!”

The BUCKELOR BARTY has ARRIVED! Despite all of these foolish fawns using the internet in some form already to communicate, there came a grumble from one of them about how boring HELL had gotten, and how it was a shame so many people relied on the INTERNET instead of causing a stink FACE TO FACE, the old FASHIONED way! 

But Rhedd, well, he’s less of a Radio Demon these days. He starts to excitedly tell his pals about the WONDERS of the INTERNET in the form of a SONG! Getting all in their faces, summoning shadows to act out bits, and soon enough the entire room of the most Unfortunate Happy Hotel is full of the raucous sound of Alastors all singing along! 

Picture one, left to right: @usedhearts​ Leal, @furby-organist Alexa, @sackreligion​ Rhedd, @dontasktheradiodemon Astor, @radiograves Juju. Behind: @it-only-hurts-when-i-smile The Engineer

Picture two, left to right: @radio-daemon Match, @offalgore Offal

This took a very long time to draw, and I enjoy the result a lot! 

All participants get this t-shirt as a wonderful prize.