#and eddie is actually trying to be happy with marisol

[honestlyeddie-im-bi]

I’m in such an “Eddie fell first and thinks Buck could never want him but Buck will realise he is in love with Eddie, it will hit him like a brick in the face, and he will start biting if they don’t get married like yesterday” mood and I think that’s valid

[buddieism]

tommy's character, bucktommy's inherent flaws, tommy & eddie as mirrors and buddie endgame; a (lengthy) meta analysis

honestly, what's really confirmed my feelings about tommy (and the imminent bucktommy bones -> buddie pipeline) is that there have now been multiple opportunities for the writers to actually make tommy a likeable/serious love interest for buck and they just…haven’t. because while fans are naturally going to overanalyse every little thing, the vast majority of the show's audience are regular viewers who consume the show at face value and don't think twice about it -- so if tommy was intended to be buck's endgame or anything remotely close to it, they'd absolutely want to make the most of his (very limited) screen time to present him in the best light they could. think about karen, the only non-main LI, and how she was introduced to us -- despite hen's cheating, we can see how dedicated karen and hen are to each other and how karen is a complex character in her own right who is immediately easy to root for and love.

comparatively, when we look at tommy's s7 appearances and specifically his interactions with buck, it becomes abundantly clear that there isn't really much depth to their relationship at all. which is fine! it's just... you know. fine. let's get into it.

following the cruise arc, we watch tommy through buck's eyes in 7x04 where he's basically wining and dining eddie -- flying him to vegas, getting them front row tickets to a fight, sparring with him in muay thai, playing pick up basketball with him -- tommy and eddie are so similar (which we'll come back to later), and we even get that line from eddie about how well they "click." as the audience, we are being subconsciously told to align tommy and eddie together -- and furthermore, we are told that tommy can easily make grand gestures when he wants to. now let's compare that to the bucktommy moments of the season.

bucktommy's first date: tommy makes a shady comment that would have outed buck if eddie or marisol caught onto it and then proceeds to abandon him on the sidewalk because he thinks buck isn't "ready" for a relationship with a man

i'll be objective here -- i understand in a show like 911 there's always going to be "unnecessary" relationship conflict for the sake of drama and i can also see how buck trying to play off their date as platonic to eddie might have put a bad taste in tommy's mouth. but we hear from tommy himself that he struggled with being open about his sexuality when he was at the 118 so he could have absolutely extended some sympathy towards buck for not wanting to come out on the spot to his best friend -- especially when tommy fully knows how important of a role eddie plays in buck's life. at the very least, he didn't have to leave buck alone on the curb. this isn't me trying to woobify buck because yeah, he's a grown man, he's fine -- but that doesn't mean it still isn't a bit of an asshole move.

the bachelor party: tommy doesn't dress up for the theme and dismisses buck when he's clearly disappointed about him doing so

tommy showing zero interest for the bachelor party buck planned is practically the writers waving a massive red flag in front of the camera -- him having to leave because he's on call is an understandable 'conflict' plot point but why not have him show up in an 80s themed outfit? it wouldn't have changed anything except that he and buck would have had a positive interaction; buck would have been happy that tommy cared enough to make that small gesture and it could have been a cute way to establish their relationship as one built on mutual effort. (btw, the bucktommy hospital kiss could be seen as a big gesture, sure -- but from a more practical viewpoint knowing how rushed this season had to be, it was also just an easy way for buck to "come out" to the rest of the 118 without having to spend too much episode airtime on it.)

the medal ceremony: tommy says 'enjoy it while it lasts' (which, LOL) and also is not shown reacting to buck receiving his medal. he also has a conversation with henren in a deleted scene.

again, i'm going to try to give tommy the benefit of the doubt -- i'm not saying he has to be sunshine and rainbows all the time and i have no issue with a character having a snarky/sarcastic side. but when his screentime is so minimal, every line of dialogue matters. and it's pretty damning that the writers aren't taking those few chances to give us something to appreciate about him. with buck, tommy makes a dismissive comment for literally zero reason, and with hen and karen, who are rightfully looking out for their friend, tommy refuses to take them seriously at all.

bucktommy's dinner in the finale: buck displays some vulnerability about losing bobby, and tommy... really doesn't seem to care.

honestly i refuse to rewatch this part of the ep because it really icks me out on another level but iirc: buck says he's glad bobby's okay because bobby is like the father he never had -> tommy says "your father's alive" -> something something joke about daddy issues. ignoring #that joke entirely, it's really insane to me that they have tommy even acknowledge the nuclear bomb that is buck's relationship with his parents. yes, we had a bit of a ham-fisted 'redemption arc' in s6 but that doesn't negate the buckley parents being absolutely heinous and the fact that buck verbalises how bobby played the role of the father figure because philip didn't -- all for tommy to basically deny that to his face -- is absurd. tommy has expressed on multiple occasions that he's jealous of the 118 family bond, so this line is just... very interesting to me.

now, let's recap all these events and bring eddie back into the mix!

post-bucktommy's first date, buck is more torn up about the fact that he lied to eddie than the actual date to the point that he has to vent to maddie about it. he then comes out to eddie, who is incredibly supportive (and oliver and ryan make some very curious acting choices indeed). eddie is reiterated as one of buck's most significant relationships.

pre-bachelor party, eddie is the one to suggest he and buck dress in matching (queer-coded) costumes. he then stays by buck's side at the party when everyone else leaves and although we'll never get to see it (tim minear i'm inside your walls👹), they sing an absurdly romantic karaoke song together. eddie is reiterated as one of buck's most significant relationships.

during the medal ceremony, when the camera pans to each member of the 118's love interest/family, it is eddie we are shown smiling at buck, not tommy. this is especially interesting considering we get buck reacting to tommy. i honestly can't get over how a reciprocated tommy reaction would have been an easy yet significant moment to cement bucktommy as a relationship, but they gave us eddie's instead (with chris in the background and marisol conveniently obscured, mind you). eddie is reiterated as one of buck's most significant relationships.

in the final episode, when eddie is experiencing his personal worst nightmare, buck is the one at eddie's side every step of the way. buck talks to christopher, buck reassures eddie (without judgement), and it's made clear that buck will be there for eddie, whatever he needs.

at every possible opportunity, we the audience are being implicitly told that eddie is buck's person. he is his place of support (buck having his more vulnerable coming out scene with eddie rather than his sister); he has buck's back (the bachelor party); he is his family (medal ceremony reaction), and ultimately, this goes both ways (finale).

some other things worth noting: when buck has his coming out scene with maddie, she tells him he's confused about his feelings in a way that seems to indicate she's talking about his feelings towards eddie ("if you there's something you need to tell eddie, you will"). in bobby's conversation with buck in the firehouse, he's verbally supportive of tommy and even asks if buck is going to see him, but buck goes to eddie's house instead. these were deliberate choices made by the writers; eddie has been consistently intertwined in bucktommy's relationship both overtly and subtextually throughout the entirety of s7. and let's not even get into the whole 'evan' thing, because that could be a whole other post in itself.

from the first moment we start to learn about tommy's character (beyond his... coloured past), we find out that he and eddie are practically mirrors. why not make tommy and buck share similar interests? why not give them something to bond over? why present tommy and eddie as almost identical in every way? because tommy is a placeholder for eddie. buck's initial bisexuality journey can't happen with eddie when eddie still hasn't come to terms with his own feelings. so, in the meantime, tommy is the "safe" choice in buck's mind because buck has nothing to lose with tommy whereas he's got everything to lose with eddie. buck can't confront what he truly wants yet because the risk factor is far greater and it's been repeatedly asserted that buck has an issue with people in his life leaving -- he would never do anything to jeopardise his relationship with eddie.

but ultimately (and in my opinion, fairly soon), we are going to get that moment where it "clicks" for buck and he realises that it is eddie he has feelings for. and when that happens, there's basically only one way it can go. we know buck can't keep secrets from eddie; we know eddie is going into s8 feeling "isolated"; we know tim loves making his characters suffer before they can be happy. in my mind, the narrative is going to go something like this: buck feelings realisation -> pining buck era -> eddie healing journey and a reevaluation of what buck means to him -> some insane life-threatening situation that really doubles down on how buck and eddie care more about each other than anyone else because it is 9-1-1 at the end of the day -> love confession induced by their dramatic near-death experience -> #BUDDIE_CANON !

when we factor in how there was a possibility of eddie having the sexuality arc this season instead, how tim has said buddie is one of his favourite dynamics of the show, and how supportive both oliver and ryan are of the ship, i really can't see how everything isn't building to buddie endgame. every other main pairing of the show has had seasons of development, of conflict, of bonding moments. buck and eddie have gone through that with each other time and time over (tsunami/lawsuit/shooting arc etc), which is why every other random love interest that's introduced for either of them falls flat in comparison. they quite literally are exactly what the other person needs; buck wants the stability of a home, a family, and unconditional love; eddie wants someone he can trust, a caretaker for his son but also a partner. buddie is the ship the audience wants to root for, because we know they work! now that we have canonically bisexual buck and eddie finally having to face his complicated feelings about losing shannon, buddie isn't just the logical conclusion -- it's the inevitable one.

[shiplessoceans]

I was baffled by this plot direction with Eddie same as you fam...

But I'm also SO intrigued.

Remember how this season started? WIth Christopher two-timing girls from school and Eddie being like "Oh no who did he get this from?"

Chris is emulating his father.

He got this from Eddie.

Not because he thinks his dad is a cheater, but because Eddie has set an example of how relationships with women work.

In Christophers early childhood his dad was always away and his mum was sad and struggling to cope. Then his dad returned and his mum suddenly left. Then his dad brings his mum back as a Christmas gift and bam, suddenly they're a family now. Not a family again, because they never been a family unit before. Everything should be perfect and yet something still feels off.

We know that while Eddie is ready to settle into married life, Shannon is not.

I personally think that when Shannon turned Eddie down, she did it because she knows that if not for Christopher being born, her and Eddie would never have stayed together. That while they love each other and Chris, they were never IN love and she wanted them both to have a chance at happiness.

Actually, come to think of it.... Holy shit... I don't think Eddie has ever BEEN in love.

Not that we've seen anyway!

He married Shannon because she got pregnant and every relationship he's had since then has been an exercise in Eddie trying to cram a new woman into his life and make her fit, only to panic, retreat or self sabotage when she doesn't. Or worse, when she DOES fit and he realises he doesn't love her.

Christopher has grown up and been there for all of this, and it's informing how he handles relationships with girls. As though they are interchangeable. As a means to fit someone into your life and make them your partner rather than find someone you actually like and who makes you happy.

I don't think this it's a coincidence we are where we are now at this point in the show. We've been building to this all season and it needs to happen because otherwise Eddie is going to keep repeating the same pattern over and over and over again for the rest of his life.

Going for 'safe' people he feels like will fill a hole in his heart while never allowing himself to fall in love so that he can never be hurt when they leave or he loses them.

He doesn't love Marisol. He wasn't in love with any of them. I think he loved Shannon but mostly because she was the mother of his child.

Eddie cheating is just another way this cycle is manifesting itself and once again he's going for a woman not because he's interested in who she is or getting to know her...but because she looks like Shannon.

Thinking maybe he can fix the mistakes of the past and be a different version of himself. This version of Shannon won't leave him and he won't abandon her. This one will stick around and yeah he won't love her but it will fix everything and they'll be a family right?

Eddie may not even be consciously aware that he's doing this.

Eddie needs to blow his life up and break this cycle.

Buck was a sex addict because he couldn't deal with his own self worth issues.

Eddie is a serial monogamist who can't let himself fall in love with anyone for fear of being hurt.

Interesting how their arcs mirror each other huh?

[bidisasterevankinard]

Au where Tommy left the army only in 2015(honorably discharged) and knew Eddie since the army. More over it's him who was the pilot in this helicopter that went down. During season 5, Tommy is the only one who Eddie can reach BUT because Tommy was in 48 shift it happens after Eddie's breakdown (Eddie thinks Tommy might be dead too when Tommy doesn't answer). Eddie sleeps when Tommy calls him back, but Buck answers and explains to Tommy without much details what Eddie needed. Tommy says what he would be really happy to see Eddie and share some his PTSD problems and ways to cope. So Buck and Tommy plans the surprise meeting after Eddie sees Charlie. Eddie ofc super happy to see another person he saved alive and he and Tommy actually were pretty good friends, but different states led to less and less communication until they stop and then Eddie just forgot he actually leaves in one city with Tommy since 2019. They start to hang out. Tommy definitely has good influence on Eddie. They work out, have sparings, talk about their share trauma and trauma from the army only army person can get and Buck happy to see Eddie thrive, but he also can't understand his fellings to Tommy, especially because he still in love with Taylor, right? Then why seeing Tommy is more interesting and exciting? Why Tommy makes him blush like Taylor never did? Why he feels so strange about this man?

And then 5x17 happens. Taylor's betrayl happens. Buck lives with Eddie and he sees Tommy more and Tommy makes some comment how Buck prefers couch in this house over warm bed with pretty girlfriend and Buck has to explain everything and Tommy just looks at him like 🥺 "Evan, do you really want to continue live with and try to build a life with the person you can't trust?" Buck comes home and breaks it with Taylor. When she moves out he texts Tommy

Do you want some beer and movies?

I'll be there in 30

Then season 6. Buck's searching for happiness and "perfect couch". Tommy, Buck and Eddie strike friendship and dynamic with all three of them and Tommy with Diaz boys mock Buck about the couch. And when Buck explains it all Tommy looks at him with longing so huge,Chris, aka the only person with brain cells, do not understand how Buck can't see. At home he finds out his dad can't see it too, so Chris understands he will be the only matchmaker.During the Christmas in Diaz house, he successfully catch bucktommy under mistletoe, and he absolutely excited to see Buck's expression. But Buck can't understand what it all means? Is he attracted to Tommy? Does he likes Tommy romantically? Does he even attracted to men? Answers about attraction he founds quickly. But he's scared to touch his attraction to Tommy because he likes their friendship, because he made an idiot about himself when they only met and he's happy Tommy gave him second chance

So it goes like that till lightning strikes. Tommy is absolutely devastated. But Buck comes back ofc, yet, Tommy who's scared to open himself only to be heartbroken step by step distance himself from Buck because he doesn't want to be heartbroken over the man he can't have. Buck is sad when with all the people around him keeping him out of his head, the one who's company he actually wants seems like lost his interest in Buck. They ofc meet at Diaz house and when they work out at Tommy's, but Tommy never hangs out just with him, only if Eddie is around.

That moment Buck meets Natalia and he sees her as the answer he can have about his death and what it means. Because of dated with Natalia and Eddie's relationship with Marisol, Buck and Tommy hadn't seen each other for months. They meet again during cruise ship disaster as Tommy now firefighter pilot and Eddie ofc called him. Buck is absolutely smitten as time never moved and he wants to hang out with Tommy again, but Tommy keeps his distance. They hang out rarely again when Eddie breaks up with Marisol and Chris goes to Texas to help Eddie stay saint and find his way to grief Shannon. It goes like that, and Buck tries hard to make Tommy his friend again, but Tommy tries hard to resist him till Buck says fuck it. i lost him anyway and kisses him.

Just one chance, Tommy please. I can't stop thinking about you since you came to my life two years ago

Tommy can't say no to him

[chronicowboy]

Eddie isn't sure why he doesn't tell Buck about Marisol. He doesn't mention meeting her at the hardware store, doesn't mention exchanging numbers, doesn't mention the many failed texting attempts, definitely doesn't mention asking her out—or, well, saying yes when she asked him out.

A month ago he'd know exactly why he wasn't telling Buck about her. Most likely because a month ago he'd still believe he and Buck were dancing around something, so he never would have blushed his way through an interaction in front of the epoxy shelf in the first place. But now, with Buck and Natalia, Eddie doesn't know why he wouldn't just tell him.

Buck would be happy for him. He knows that much.

And yet, Eddie doesn't tell him, doesn't want to tell him, wants to keep Marisol as separate from Buck as he can possibly manage given how they met those first two times. He just wants to have something that isn't defined by Buck.

(He already has the heartache when Buck mentions Natalia with that little smile, already has the fear of rejection whenever he asks Buck to hang out now, already has Christopher who tilts his head when he's confused just like Buck.)

But its impossible to keep anything from Buck for long. And really, he should have seen this coming.

"Eddie, that is so embarrassing." Buck is shaking with his laughter at Christopher's colourful retelling of Eddie wiping out in the school parking lot the other day.

"For me or him?" Chris replies without missing a beat, only succeeding in making Buck laugh harder. He falls across the length of the couch as he clutches at his sides and Eddie shakes his head from the kitchen doorway. "Besides, if you think that's embarrassing," Chris snickers, and Eddie blanches, "you should have seen him trying to ask Marisol out."

Buck's laughter stops instantaneously, his whole body freezing up, and the silence consumes Eddie whole. He swallows thickly as Buck drags his eyes away from Christopher to look at Eddie. For once, Eddie can't actually see Buck, not the way he normally he can, all he sees is the Buck who can rip his heart from his sleeve and tuck it back into his chest.

"Marisol?" he prods weakly. "Rosa's mom?"

"No, God, no." Eddie shakes his head vigorously, tries to get back on even ground. "You think any single mom at that school would say yes after the Monday fiasco?"

"Who's Marisol?" Buck asks without even a huff of laughter.

"We went and helped her out after we destroyed the house she was fixing up, remember?" Eddie shrugs, ducks his head to avoid Buck's carefully blank eyes. "Saw her in the hardware store a month ago, finally worked up the courage to ask her out."

"Technically, she asked you," Chris chimes in. "I have no idea why."

"Thanks, kid," Eddie sighs.

"Wait, so I can't date someone I met on a call but you can?" Buck butts in, a heat behind the words that makes Eddie's hackles rise.

"I never said you couldn't date her," Eddie retorts, trying not to let his frustration boil over. "I politely tried to remind you that you dating someone you saved never ends well."

"Oh, wow." Buck scoffs. "I didn't save her, Eddie. She had a scratch on her hand, I patched it up. That's it."

"Yeah, I patched Ana's hand up too," Eddie mutters. He glances down at Christopher and feels a tendril of guilt curl around his heart. He's already had to live through his parents' arguments before, Eddie's not making him do it again.

Eddie purses his lips as he retreats into the kitchen, settling back against the fridge to let the cool metal calm him down. He tries to sort through Buck's reaction, but it doesn't make sense. This goes beyond the protective instincts of a best friend, and it feels like more than just Buck's abandonment issues rearing their head.

Everything gets so fucked up when one of them dates. A mess that neither one of them thinks to clean up until its too late. To Eddie, it makes sense. Now, anyway. Now, he knows why he'd hated Abby's ghost so passionately, why he'd U-turned so sharply from finding Ali perfectly nice to a ticking time bomb, why he'd only hated Taylor more with every day that had passed. And, of course, Natalia who never stood a chance when she was hanging onto Buck's death and running away from his life. Because Buck would never hold a grudge, but Eddie does it gladly and without being asked, simmering at the side-lines.

But Buck's reactions never make sense. Not to Shannon, not to Ana, not to Vanessa, not to Marisol.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Buck asks as soon as the kitchen door closes behind him.

"I don't know." Eddie squeezes his eyes shut and tilts his head towards the ceiling.

"Were you going to tell me?"

"I don't know." Eddie sighs, knocks his head against the fridge once for good measure. He cracks an eye open to look at Buck. "Were you going to tell me that you and Natalia bought a new couch together?"

"I did tell you." Buck frowns.

"No, I came over and saw the new couch and you distractedly told me that your mom's couch was covered in Kameron's amniotic fluid. Which you also didn't tell me about." Eddie folds his arms over his chest and takes a deep breath. "Buck, what are we arguing about here?"

"Our girlfriends apparently," Buck mumbles.

"I don't have a girlfriend. Just a date on Saturday." Eddie rolls his eyes, and a sharp thrill of bravery sparks at the base of his spine as he looks at Buck. "What are we really arguing about?"

"I-I don't know." Buck frowns down at his socked feet

"Maybe you should go back to the loft and figure that out," Eddie says quietly, hating himself for the flicker of hurt on Buck's face.

"Just me?" Buck croaks. "So you know what we're arguing about?"

"Yeah," Eddie whispers. He'd been arguing with himself about the very same thing for years before he'd just let himself feel it. Its only fair that Buck does the same.

"And you aren't going to tell me?" Buck asks wetly.

"Its something you have to figure out yourself, Buck." Eddie bites his lip and shrugs. "You don't have to leave now. I don't want you to leave," Eddie clarifies, "but no more arguing. Not where Chris can hear." And then, Eddie thinks that maybe he should give Buck a place to start even if Eddie never got that luxury himself. "He's already been through this with me and Shannon, doesn't need to go through it again with us."

He leaves Buck in the kitchen with the first clue to this little riddle of theirs.

[andavs]

do you have any ideas for how you want eddie's arc to play out? this crazy spec is making me nervous too and i need some reassurance lol

Lol you're in luck because my ideal version I've come up with is the super boring one that no one I follow wants to see!

For me, the absolute best case scenario is that he’s seen Kim once or twice since they had dinner but he feels guilty about it and he’s acting cagey because he knows this is objectively weird and bad, so Buck clocks something’s going on.

If Buck and Kim have a scene, then maybe Buck sees them out together and approaches them so Eddie knows he’s caught and he can’t keep avoiding it. They talk about it and Ryan does some amazing face acting.

I have no idea how much Eddie we'll see in this next episode, but Step Nine is about making amends so Eddie comes clean to Kim and she’s obviously like what the actual fuck, but maybe there’s a moment before they part where she says “say to me what you’d say to her” and Eddie does get some kind of closure because Shannon died with so much left unsaid between them.

I would love to see Eddie break the fuck down about it when he's not alone on a beach, in a way we never saw him do with Shannon. He felt like he had to be the strong and stoic husband with her who never showed weakness, but now he's not that person anymore.

Then the next episode would be the Diazes in town for Chris’ eighth grade graduation or something and they’re all excited to meet Marisol but Eddie’s still all messed up and feeling so guilty. I could see his mom or someone really sincerely telling him how much happier he seems to really drive home that he wasn’t happy with Shannon and everyone around him could tell—and he's currently miserable so what the hell did it look like back then?

He does end things with Marisol, either by telling her what happened with Kim or just explaining that he’s still working through Shannon’s death and he’s not being fair to her. I'd try to come up with a scenario where Marisol gets to be angry and lay into him about this, but they haven't developed her character enough for me to really care how she feels about it. She's a lamp in a habit.

And then Eddie's free and available for whatever they're going to do to us in the finale!

I know this is ignoring whatever bombshells Ryan talked about, but if it gets much more twisted and weird than that, I honestly have no idea how they’d fit it into their usual three episode structure without ignoring a massive pile of very concerning mental health issues that exploded very suddenly.

[littlerosetrove]

I think the show is going to start doing better by Eddie in upcoming episodes, and I desperately hope I’m right. Some critical thoughts incoming because I just want better for Eddie.

My focus of this post is about Eddie being in a romantic relationship, although there are absolutely so many potential storylines to delve deeper into with Eddie. Trust me, I know. 

I do get why Eddie was with Ana, I do. That man was still repressing so much trauma for starters, and (even now) Eddie was also feeling pressured by society and his upbringing to “give Chris another mom.” It was something Eddie felt like he should do. And hooboy does Eddie still need to work on issues surrounding things he often feels like he “should” do. We all know that Eddie stuck it out with Ana far longer than he should have (Ana is guilty of this two, cause it takes two to tango). An apt description for Eddie is that he’s “the architect of his own misery.” ← Idk who originally said this phrase, but I got it from @yramesoruniverse, and it’s true. 

Speaking of misery. No matter how the show tried to paint it as something cute and good, there is nothing actually good about Marisol and Eddie. Let me explain and bear with me. 

Let’s be real. The show during 6B treated Eddie’s loneliness and his subsequent desire to date as a joke. Maybe not 100%, but even 1% is too much. That montage of Eddie going hiking, playing golf (??), and hanging out at a fucking country club (?????) to find a date? That was played for laughs. 

Now at one point, Eddie had a genuinely great heart to heart with Bobby. I can’t recall their conversation exactly right now since I haven’t rewatched season 6 since it aired, but I know Bobby basically said Eddie should find someone who will sit with him during the hard times (please correct me if I’m wrong).  

But then the show tried to frame Eddie running into Marisol - someone he met on a call - as this spark, this magical moment. Let’s remember that in season 6 Eddie was wistfully reminiscing on his and Shannon’s beginning and called it magic. And so again, the show tried to say, “Hey look! Eddie bumping into Marisol (no last name) is meant to be. This is magic!” Then we jump into season 7 where we’ve gotten no development on Marisol still, and zero development on their relationship, unless you want to call Eddie admitting to using Marisol as a babysitter as some development. Hell, we don’t even know how Chris feels about her. With all of this in mind, to me this just looks like Eddie had grabbed onto the first person he could so he wouldn’t be lonely. If the show wanted us to care an iota about Marisol or their relationship in any capacity, they would have. But they haven’t. And that’s just heartbreaking for Eddie. All they’ve given Eddie is a surface level, nothing of a relationship. 

It’s clear Eddie and Marisol are going to break up in 7x7 at the latest, and… for what? 7x5 will definitely have to do some backfilling on where and why their relationship isn’t going to work (it doesn't appear Marisol will be in 7x6). Even still, what was the point of it all?? Before anyone says it, yes Eddie is allowed to date, even casually, but GD there’s been nothing to grasp onto, you know? No reason to feel even remotely excited or happy that Eddie’s dating, specifically not with Marisol (and the actress is a shitty person) who ffs doesn’t even have a last name. Just having two attractive people in the same room does nothing for me, sorry. 

To try and conclude this, this *gestures at everything I just said* is why I want better for Eddie and Ryan. I really really hope we’re going to get something of substance for Eddie as a character. Yes it’s been great to see Eddie so much happier in season 7 (thanks to therapy, though he needs more, and Buck and Tommy lbr), but, and to stick with the relationship aspect of it all, I want better for Eddie. Idk if Eddie will have or needs someone like Tommy for himself, or if Eddie is just going to work on himself before the next relationship he’s in will be Buck. We’ll have to wait and see, but yeah…. Eddie just. deserves better. 

(this post was inspired by a recent conversation I had with @elvensorceress)

[songbvrd]

ok but i've been thinking more about eddie cheating arc and it actually makes so much sense (aside from just being fucking hilarious that he's cheating on his ex-nun gf he already avoids for two men with the doppelganger of his dead wife)

but here's the thing. eddie has objectively dated women who he has no reason not to like. they're women who are objectively good for him and for his son. ana was a teacher, who christopher loved, who genuinely seemed good with him, and yet, at the prospect of it becoming too real, he abandoned ship (there's other stuff with her, but the show didn't acknowledge that from eddie's perspective, so i'm not referring to it either). with marisol, despite the actress being just objectively bad, there's no reason for him not to want to be with her. she has been cool w his hot and cold behaviour, she's clearly good with chris, and she clearly likes him. and yet, eddie clearly doesn't want to be with her (as evidenced by him constantly asking her to babysit so he can hang out with tommy or buck or kim lmao, literally anyone else).

like, in universe, these are two women who are beautiful, patient and care about his child.

and yet, eddie can't let go of shannon. because eddie doesn't feel the way he's supposed to feel about these women and there's an easy excuse to explain it. he never got over his son's mother. the problem, of course, being that he wasn't actually happy with her either. they were just kids themselves when shannon got pregnant, and for the majority of their relationship, they were avoiding each other. they were constantly fighting/disagreeing and their last encounter before her death was literally her leaving him again (not shannon bashing, i like her, but it's hard to deny that they were dysfunctional as hell, and not actually happy together, despite the fact that they did actually seem to love each other).

but for eddie, if you're trying to avoid reality, what better way to do it than to hide behind 'the one who got away'. a woman who can never prove his hypothesis wrong because she's gone. whilstever he can explain it away as 'it's because of shannon', he never has to confront the possibility that there's another reason why he doesn't feel what he thinks he should feel for these women.

so then he sees shannon (kim). and shannon is his scapegoat. shannon is the reason he can't make it work. so in theory, seeing her again, in his mind, it should "fix" him, right? except, it can't. because he was never actually happy with shannon, and regardless, this isn't shannon. he says he wants to nest, and i do believe that's true, but he also can't go through with something he doesn't really feel, clearly, so he sabotages it. so he's going to throw himself into it, sabotaging his relationship with marisol at the same time.

and when he tries again with kim, and it still isn't working, eddie's going to break down, because there's another reality he has to address. shannon isn't the reason it isn't working. it was an easy excuse to hide behind, but it isn't about her. eddie breaks down, pushes everyone away, struggles to deal with what tthat means for him.

but the truth is, it isn't working because it isn't what he wants. it's what he THINKS he should want. now, obviously, buddie is what i'm getting at here, but this conversation isn't even necessarily about buck. it's about eddie as a whole, and what he's hiding from.

wham bam, thank you ma'am, gay eddie realisation arc season 8.

[tails89]

You want me so bad it makes you look stupid

This is a date, Marisol realises with sudden, dawning clarity. Does Eddie know this is a date? “Well, it’s about time,” Eddie tells Buck and Tommy. “Working out how to hang out with you both was getting exhausting. Hey, why don’t we pull another table over?” Oh god, Eddie doesn’t know this is a date. - AKA, the one where Eddie (unknowingly) wants Buck so bad that it makes him act stupid in a restaurant.

Teaming back up with @an-optimist-prime again because we're hilarious.

It starts like this.

Christopher is at a sleepover. Eddie finally has a night off and for once, has no other plans to hang out with Buck or Tommy or anyone else for that matter, and it’s been so long since it was just the two of them.

Alone. They’ve been dating for four months now, and yet it feels like she barely knows him.

So, Marisol suggests dinner and Eddie suggests the restaurant.

“Buck recommended this place a while back,” Eddie explains when they’re in the car, and Marisol looks out her window and rolls her eyes because of course he did. “It’s just like pizza and pasta, but apparently the food’s pretty good and he’s been wanting to try it out.”

“Uh huh.” Nodding along, Marisol decides then and there not to set her expectations too high. Not that it matters, not really. She cares more about finally finding the time for a date night more than the restaurant itself. She’d be happy with burgers if it meant actually spending some quality time with her boyfriend.

So she’s pleasantly surprised when they step into the restaurant, the bells above the door jingling brightly to announce their arrival.

The lighting is soft and warm, the space mostly lit by ropes of fairy lights and flickering tea candles on the tables.

It’s pretty romantic.

The soft hum of conversation swirls around them as Marisol laces her fingers with Eddie’s and they follow one of the wait staff through the dining room and over to their table.

She stumbles, almost tripping as Eddie suddenly tugs her off to the side.

“Buck!’ He calls out, his voice so loud and excited it echoes above the general buzz, drawing the attention of the diners around them. “You two guys are here together?”

He doesn’t wait for a response, closing the gap between them.

“Marisol, you remember Buck, right?”

She almost laughs, like Eddie doesn’t mention his best friend at least once a day, but before she can mention this she catches Buck’s eye and the deer-in-the-headlights stare he’s giving them.

Huh.

“What are the chances?” Eddie grins. “I mean, Buck was just telling me about this place the other week, but I didn’t expect to actually run into you. And definitely not together.” He laughs, casually leaning against Buck’s chair, oblivious to the way his friend has gone rigid beside him. “So what, you guys are finally friends now?”

“We, uh—”

Marisol watches as Buck swallows, his eyes darting back to look at Tommy.

”Yeah, I guess you could say that.” Tommy’s mouth twitches like he’s trying not to laugh as he meets Buck’s gaze, and—

Oh.

Oh.

Cosy restaurant.

Soft mood lighting.

It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together.

This is a date, Marisol realises with sudden, dawning clarity. Does Eddie know this is a date?

“Well, it’s about time,” Eddie tells them. “Working out how to hang out with you both was getting exhausting. Hey, why don’t we pull another table over?”

Oh god, Eddie doesn’t know this is a date.

“Eddie,” Marisol says, tugging on his arm. “Maybe we should go find our own table? Just the two of us.”

“What? You guys don’t mind us joining do you?” Eddie asks, and Marisol resists the urge to facepalm. It could not be more obvious that they’re interrupting something. Buck still hasn’t regained any colour in his face, that weird red birthmark by his eye standing out.

Like a stop sign.

Or a traffic light.

That Eddie just casually ploughs through. 3 dead and 47 injured.

Marisol meets Buck’s gaze, wondering if she can communicate ‘I’m so sorry’ in Morse code but all she remembers from middle school is SOS, which still feels appropriate in this situation.

There are now two tables pushed together, and any coded message is lost in the dance of shuffling seats so Buck and Tommy can sit on one side with Marisol and Eddie on the other.

Marisol genuinely does not understand how Eddie cannot see that this is a date. Both men are dressed up, sitting together at a rather fancy and romantic restaurant. She’s not just embarrassed for Buck and Tommy, but also just a little frustrated for herself. All she wants is just one night. Just one night, alone, with the man who is supposed to be her boyfriend. But, once again, that’s apparently not on the cards.

Silence sits heavy over the table as they all regard each other.

“So—” Marisol offers, to break the tension. “How did you two meet?”

“W-work.” Buck stammers.

Marisol nods for him to continue and nothing comes. After a beat, Tommy rescues them with, “we stole a helicopter together, and then flew it into a hurricane.”

”What’s this we?” Eddie cuts in, amused. “Technically you stole the helicopter. Buck and I were just along for the ride.”

Tommy shrugs, his gaze sliding over to Buck. “What can I say? I’m all about grand gestures. “ His hand slips beneath the table. “Especially when I’m trying to get someone’s attention.”

Buck goes red, spluttering into his beer.

“Jesus, Buck.” Chuckling, Eddie passes over a napkin. “What is it with you and choking at restaurants?”

“I’m not—“

”I swear, I can’t take you anywhere,” Eddie teases, handing over more napkins to mop up the mess. “You end up wearing more than you eat.”

”Fuck off,” Buck mutters, but he’s smiling now, staring down at the table.

“S0–“ Marisol cuts in over them. “Helicopters. That’s uh— that’s cute.”

“What’s cute about stealing a helicopter?” Eddie asks, genuinely confused by her comment.

“You know, it’s just— never mind,” she trails off to take a long sip of her table water.

At this point she’s just praying for the ground to open up beneath them. An earthquake or some other natural disaster to take her out of this situation. She just cannot understand how Eddie can be this oblivious.

“So, what other hang-outs have I not been invited to?” Eddie asks, his tone teasing as he leans forward in his seat.

”Just this one,” Tommy says, and there’s a record scratch in Marisol’s head.

Because this…

This is a first date.

They’re on a first date.

Is death by secondhand embarrassment a thing, because she’s pretty sure she’s dying right now.

And here’s the thing. She likes Eddie, she really does, but even she’s starting to re-think her long-term compatibility with someone who is either this clueless or this intentionally obtuse.

“But I’m hoping Evan will want to do this again sometime,” Tommy says, leaning back to sling an arm around Buck’s shoulders. “But next time, I suggest the restaurant.”

Marisol’s lost for a second, because who’s Evan, before realising that Eddie’s frozen beside her.

She turns, catching the exact moment that Eddie realises what’s happening, and what he’s done; that he’s crashed their date.

A series of emotions that she can’t quite parse wash over his face, his expression finally settling into shocked disbelief.

Finally he gets it, she thinks, exasperated. And it’s only taken 13 agonising minutes. At least they haven’t ordered yet.

Eddie’s mouth opens, then shuts, then he says, “You’re not gay.”

Real smooth Eddie, Marisol thinks, resisting the urge to hide her face in her hands.

“I’m bisexual,” Buck says, his voice almost a whisper. “I think? Maybe? I’m not actually sure yet.”

“Right.” Eddie nods, like he’s not quite sure what to do with this information. “I, uh—“ he stands suddenly, knocking into the table in his haste. “We should go. I’m sorry for— we didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Hey, it’s fine,” Tommy starts. “We still on for Muay Thai on Thursday?”

Eddie stares at him. “I uh— “ he starts, before bolting from the restaurant.

Marisol stands. “I’m so sorry,” she says, glancing back towards the doors as Eddie disappears through them. “I’ll talk to him. I, uh— I hope you have a nice night.”

Neither of them say anything until they’re in the car.

Eddie’s gripping the steering wheel, his knuckles white, but he makes no move to start the engine.

Minutes pass in dead silence.

“Are you okay, Eddie?” Marisol shifts, turning in her seat to watch him. “You know, I completely understand,” she says when he still doesn’t respond. “It must have been a bit of a shock to see your two best friends dating each other.”

“I don’t get it,” Eddie murmurs. “Why didn’t he tell me? He’s my best friend. I thought— I tell him everything and he couldn’t— I don’t even know how long this has been going on for.”

Marisol nods, but says nothing. Clearly this is something Eddie needs to get off his chest.

”Like, has this been going on the whole time? I can’t— they hated each other, or— I thought they did. But he should have told me. Buck always tells me when he’s seeing someone.”

Eddie’s hands tighten on the wheel again, the leather creaking beneath his fingers.

”And why wouldn’t he tell me he’s into guys? He’s never said anything. Not that that’s a problem—”

”Of course not,” Marisol reassures him, reaching over to lay a hand on his arm.

“—because he’s my best friend, and I’ll love him no matter what—“

Huh?

“—but because we tell each other everything! We trust each other! I mean, I thought he trusted me. Did I do something? God, I was such an idiot in there. He probably thinks I’m homophobic—“

“Yeah, a little,” Marisol admits gently, giving his arm a pat.

He drops his hands from the steering wheel, his shoulders slumping. ”God, I’m the worst friend ever. To Buck and Tommy.” He straightens suddenly, turning to face her. “But also, like, Tommy?” He asks. “I mean, I like the guy, but Tommy? Sure, he’s better than Taylor, but literally anyone is better than her.”

“Uh,” Marisol doesn’t know how to respond to that. She honestly cannot figure out why Eddie is getting so worked up about all of this. “I mean, I thought Buck and Tommy seemed good together.”

Eddie’s head jerks up.

“You don’t know Buck like I do,” he insists. “Buck is— Buck could have anyone. He’s kind and he’s thoughtful and he’s so hot, and he’s always thinking of others, you know? He is literally the perfect package. And I hate that he never thinks that he’s worth anything. But he’s worth everything.”

Marisol is speechless.

Eddie continues. “Buck could do so much better. He deserves someone who sees him, you know? Who sees the way he loves with his whole self and loves him back. He’s so easy to love.”

Suddenly, everything clicks together for Marisol in perfect clarity.

Eddie is in love with Buck.

Marisol can’t even be mad with Eddie for leading her on, because he clearly doesn’t realise it himself.

She massages her temples against the headache she can feel forming. She wonders, not unkindly, if Eddie’s previous relationships didn’t crash and burn for this exact same reason. Nobody wants to be the third wheel in any relationship, and clearly, she’ll never compare to Buck.

“Also,” Eddie barrels on. “Who the fuck does Tommy think he is, calling him Evan? Does he even know how complicated that name is for him? Only I get to do that!”

”The audacity,” Marisol mutters under her breath.

She has enough self-esteem to know she doesn’t want to deal with this. She’s not exactly excited to kick him while he’s down, but also doesn’t see the point in dragging this out. It’s not fair to either of them.

”I’m going to be honest with you, Eddie,” she says, “I think we should break up.”

Her words stop him in his tracks and he blinks, lost. “Wait, what?”

Marisol turns, reaching for her seatbelt. “Can you please just drive me home?”

***

Tommy is fairly certain he’s just witnessed Eddie have a complete meltdown.

And look, they’ve all been there. They’ve all had that moment where they’ve gotten irrationally jealous over their best friend dating someone, and not been able to —or abjectly refusing to— pinpoint exactly why it’s so upsetting.

The whole situation should be hilarious. It would be hilarious, if Evan didn’t look like he was about to cry.

“Hey,” Tommy reassures him. “It’ll be fine. I think we just surprised him a little.” Or a lot. Probably a lot.

Evan stares up at him. “You think?” He scrubs a hand down his face. “I shouldn’t have suggested this place.”

“There’s no way you could have known he was going to show up,” Tommy points out, casually draping his arm back across Evan’s broad shoulders.

“I should have guessed, knowing my luck.” Evan groans dramatically. “This is the worst first date I think I’ve ever been on.”

“Really?” Tommy asks, incredulously. “Worse than the one where you nearly died?” He smirks at the indignant expression on Evan’s face.

”Where did you even hear about that?” Evan splutters. “And yeah, worse than that.”

”Should I be insulted by that?” Tommy asks, mouth twitching in a smothered laugh.

”It’s not funny,” Evan grumbles, crossing his arms.

“It’s a little funny.”

Evan cracks, his lips lifting in a grin and they’re both laughing, and god he’s beautiful, Tommy thinks.

“Maybe I should check on him,” Evan says, after a moment, his hand reaching for his phone. “Make sure we’re okay.”

”Or,” Tommy suggests, plucking Evan’s phone from his fingers and laying it on the table, “we could get the bill and get out of here. You could come back to my place.”

Evan frowns, but doesn’t move to take his phone back.

”You’re his best friend,” Tommy reassures him. “You guys will figure this out.” And maybe they’ll eventually figure out their feelings for each other too.

Tommy’s not blind. He knows this thing between him and Evan isn’t going to go anywhere in the long run, but he’s hot and sweet and Tommy is just happy to see where this goes.

“Come on, come back to my place.”

Evan smiles. “Yeah, okay. I’d like that.”

[ranbling]

I think if the people in Eddie's life stopped trying to force the idea of a traditional family onto him, he would actually have a healthy and happy relationship

Because first of all, his parents pressured him into marrying Shannon (I do believe, if not for Chris then they would gone back to being friends, instead of being in a relationship), and like it's obvious he loved her and being married to her, they were also apart for the majority of their marriage. Running away into the army (and enlisting for a second time), then Shannon leaving and I don't think they actually lived together for more than a 2 years. So I do think a part of this love comes from nostalgic lenses

Then the whole Ana thing and the things leading to that were such bullshit. Chris doesn't need a new maternal (or any kind of parental) figure, he has enough of a support system and found family. Also I get it, that they wanted to bring back a kinda existing character, but after the skateboard accident and Eddie's reaction to it (which justified, but like a little bit over the top), they should have just introduced a new character. Ana is like the perfect addition to his family, Chris already likes her and she's nice enough that Eddie might actually love her in time, but like we know it doesn't work out and he gets panick attack at the thought of being a family

His whole relationship with Marisol feels like a way to prove he's not lonely and it's only a response of Pepa setting him up on blind date and Buck gushing about Natalia. I think he got kinda scared, that he will actually be lonely, because Buck (who is his best friend, and they mimic each other with being in relationship) was seemingly moving on in his love life, and Chris is growing up, he doesn't need Eddie as much as he did when he was little.

But you know who he is not afraid to involve and invite into his family? Buck

He was leaving Chris with Buck for a day after a year into their relationship, was ready to trust Buck with Chris again right after the tsunami, written Buck into his will as Chris' legal guardian after 1.5 years of knowing him, Chris ran to Buck after learning Eddie is dating again and told Buck what bothers him about it, Buck was ready to help him and Chris after his breakdown

But, the most important thing is that Eddie asked Buck to talk to Chris about him dating multiple girls. All the instances where Buck acted like an actual parental figure to Chris came as a spur of a moment thing, but that was the first time Eddie asked him (with his words, giving him permission) to take up a role like that

[haven-of-dusk]

An interesting result of the...Buck/Tommy situation? Tevan situation? I personally don't love that ship name because it makes Tommy sound like a cute add on to Evan as a full name (which feels indicative of how their relationship has been written so far as well, but I digress). Back to the point, the Tevan discussion has revealed who is a Buddie fan/stan, and who is a Buck fan/stan who shipped Buddie.

And this isn't solely talking about the weird twitter people saying Eddie should die or be written out somehow so Buck and Tommy can adopt Christopher as their own, because that's a whole different level of wtf.

What I'm also referring to is a subset who say they only want Buck to be happy, essentially trying to say Tevan is fine if Buck is happy, but then when asked don't have an answer as to what Eddie's happy ending would be in that timeline. The utterance that maybe he could just settle down with Marisol, which I have seen, made me physically cringe at how little understanding it displays of Eddie's arc, the important parts of his character, and how fundamentally wrong it would feel to give Buck a whole self-discovery and self-actualization arc and then turn around to make Eddie's "happy ending" a random girl with which he has no chemistry, and his relationship with her actively undermines his arc up till now.

Like I get wanting Buck to be happy, that's valid, but it demonstrates how much of a Buddie vs just Buck stan one is if they're willing to disregard Eddie's ending entirely just because Buck would get a happy one. Eddie is not Buck's love interest, and part of what makes Buddie so meaningful to so many is that it's two well-developed characters whose arcs intertwine in an engaging way. If you truly love and ship Buddie, I'd be very surprised if you didn't love both of them as individuals. That's not to say you can't have one you prefer (mine is Eddie, if I haven't made that obvious before), but a casual disregard for the other makes proported love for the ship feel disingenuous.

And don't misunderstand, if the shoe was on the other foot and we were witnessing the Eddie/Tommy story right now, I'm sure there's be some alleged Buddie fans ready to toss Buck aside in favor of Eddie's happy ending. I would speculate it wouldn't be as numerous, because Buck is generally the more popular character, but I'm sure it would still happen.

I hope some part of that made sense. I just really do love both Eddie and Buck, and seeing people claim to love their ship and subsequently toss Eddie aside and disregard him deserving a happy ending as much as Buck does makes me...upset.

And to you magical people who are mutli-shipping Tevan and Buddie at the same time and coming up with alternative timeline happy endings for everyone regardless of how the triangle of sorts plays out, I salute you. I don't think my brain could handle that, but I respect that you can.

[stardustbuck]

this is my thoughts on what has been shown to us on screen/in canon from the perspective of someone who shipped bvdd!e and was deadset on them being endgame until seeing what unfolds in season 7 and why i slowly came to the realization that bvdd!e may forever stay fanon and choosing to embrace bucktommy rather than making it my enemy because buck is my favorite character and seeing him happy makes me happy.

certain 7x04 spec/response: buck is misconstruing his feelings for tommy with what he’s actually feeling for eddie, because it’s obvious he was trying to eddie’s attention not tommy’s—well at least tommy gave buck his queer awakening so that means bvdd!e canon is possible!

what actually happened: buck made an effort to try and get to know tommy, his attempts to get close with tommy are interrupted by eddie. so buck spends the rest of the episode desperately trying to get invited to hangout with tommy too, because buck is a silly goofball who’s unknowingly crushing hard and too nervous to ask tommy to hangout again in fear of rejection or eddie and him already having plans. buck fully processes what he was doing was for tommy’s attention right before they kiss which gives tommy a 🚨gay🚨signal. tommy being buck’s queer awakening is about buck and buck alone. tim minear confirms the entire episode was a bait and switch and that eddie was the red herring to the audience. at no point in the episode does eddie indicate having feelings for buck, in fact eddie doesn’t even realize he’s been unintentionally leaving buck out and feels bad about it.

continued below ⬇️

certain 7x05 spec/response: photo stills release. everyone is so sure that eddie and marisol will be sat across from buck and tommy and eddie is going to grow jealous watching them. this doesn’t end up happening but thats ok. as the episode continues we’re sure tommy isn’t going to return and eddie will continue his catholic guilt arc which will lead to his own gay realization. buck comes out to maddie and it’s almost feels like maddie knows buck has feelings for eddie with her “if theres something you need to tell eddie, you will” line (because of previous dialogue like bucks boy crush on eddie) we get buck then coming out to eddie which we think might spark up eddies feelings as well after finding out his best friend he has unknown feelings for is bisexual. marisol moving out means marisol bones soon, yay! buck asks tommy for a second chance, not what we wanted but ig it’s fine because tommy can be buck’s first boyfriend to show him the queer lifestyle.

what actually happened: buck is entirely too nervous but excited to be on a date with tommy. tommy seemingly knows how to make buck and blushing mess which is something we haven’t really seen before and its adorable. buck gets overwhelmed and screws himself over with his “hot chicks” line which he absolutely did not need to say at all when eddie and marisol run into them. we’re given conflict within the date because we need to see buck fully embrace this new queer side of himself, and although the storyline overall is fairly lighthearted the way tim and oliver wanted, it’s still good to show what it’s really like for a lot of newly realized queer people, especially someone in their 30s who isn’t necessarily ashamed but is still coming to terms with the fact that they are queer and having to tell people after spending so long as presumably “straight”. especially a masculine man like evan buckley. the rest of the episode has buck mourning what he could have has with tommy because he really likes him, he accidentally comes out to maddie because he can’t stop talking about how stupid he felt ruining his chance, maddie tells him he’s not a fraud, that he obviously is nervous to tell eddie because that’s his best friend and a queer man coming out to their (atp, canonically) straight friend is a scary thing to do. he doesnt want things to change between them. we eventually get to see buck coming out to eddie and seeking acceptance from eddie which he automatically is given. its a weight off his shoulders, his best friend accepts him and reminds him it changes absolutely nothing between then and in fact, eddie tells buck to call tommy because buck admits he cannot stop thinking about him but is scared of rejection again. tommy agrees to meet with him and they actually have a very beautiful conversation, buck takes responsibility for his behavior on their date, tommy assures buck he isn’t really upset about it because it was mostly about not wanting to pressure buck into something he wasn’t ready for. buck then assures tommy he is ready for something and thinks that something could be with him. their coffee date sweetly ends with tommy agreeing to be bucks date to maddie and chim’s wedding and then holding hands.

now this is where i truly started to lose my rose-colored shipping glasses and where the plot became completely lost to me.

certain 7x06 spec/response: the karaoke scene is going to be huge for bvdd!e. tommy not dressing up for the bachelor party is red flag behavior. they didn’t have to write him being on standby, even he’s on standby he could have worn an 80s band tee. he put in no effort meanwhile bvdd!e have matching costumes*. buck and eddie are going to drunkenly kiss/almost kiss which causes tension between them. buck and tommy will end up broken up.

what actually happened: tommy showed up to the bachelor party despite being on standby, meaning he could have open been there for 5 minutes before having to leave. no one else dressed up in costume or 80s themed, tommy wasn’t the only one. tommy only leaves because he gets called into work and promises buck he’ll try his best to make it to the wedding. buck is visibly upset but they hug and buck even tells him to be safe. most of the episode afterwards is chimney focused and at the end we get tommy showing up for buck, sooty, grimey in his turnout gear because he didn’t even bother getting changed because he wanted to show up for buck. tommy is showing he will put in effort of buck, even if it means not sleeping for at least 12 hours and showing up after fighting a fire all night and day. they kiss in the middle of the hospital, buck brings tommy to the hospital room with soot all over his face, basically coming out to everyone including his parents. buck is showing he’s not anxious to let people know he’s queer anymore which is a huge contrast from 7x05.

certain 7x09 spec/response: eddie is shown after buck gets his award, this points to bvdd!e endgame because everyone else has their loved ones shown after their medals. tommy’s comment about “enjoy while is lasts” is rude and pointing to bucktommy bones. the still we thought was between eddie and buck isn’t right but! buck still shows up at eddies house to confront him, ditching tommy for eddie.

what actually happened: yes, each character has their loved ones shown on screen after their medals, but i think the reason they chose eddie for after buck was because he was the last one called and it easily fit as his named is called while he’s on screen. also no one denies eddie and buck love each other, it just may not be romantic. tommy’s comment perfectly shows how he and buck contrast each other but work very well together as well. it’s very black cat x golden retriever vibes between them from what we’ve been shown. it’s also mostly there to foreshadow the return of gerrard. buck doesn’t ditch tommy for eddie because buck doesn’t stay all night, surely it’s implied buck still went to tommy’s afterwards. buck goes to eddies because he’s genuinely worried for his friend, thats what friends do for each other, tommy can wait an hour more for buck it’s not a big deal.

certain 7x10 spec/response: buck is going to ditch his date with tommy for eddie. bucktommy bones!

what actually happened: eddie fucks up bad. buck is there for eddie because he’s a good friend. buck and tommy’s date isn’t interrupted at all, in fact it’s nice that it was squeezed into the episode to show were their relationship is currently at. tommy can tune into buck’s emotions, he can tell needs to say something and asks if he’s okay. they’re still on getting to know each other terms but are becoming comfortable sharing vulnerable things about themselves to each other. they’re also openly flirting and being sexually suggestive with each other. bucktommy bones… oh boy. they sure do.

after each speculation became untrue, proven wrong, people seemed to double down on their toxic behavior and hatred of a fictional couple/person because they weren’t getting what they wanted to the point of harassment towards cast, crew and other fans. now im not saying all bucktommy shippers are angels, but the hostile reaction of people from one subset of the fandom left a bad taste in my mouth. most accounts i enjoyed i ended up blocking due to toxicity and their outright bullying towards those who enjoyed bucktommy even if they still believed in bvdd!e endgame. no im not embarrassed of being a multishipper or ‘jumping ship’ (i still ship bvdd!e i’m just convinced it’ll stay fanon atm) it’s a completely normal thing to happen in fandom, it’s not a sin to begin liking other ships or to start shipping characters with other people that you previously shipped with someone else. there’s a reason people enjoy buck and tommy together and it’s not because we just want to see two men kiss, that argument is so overused and bullshit because mlm ships so prominent in fandom you could use that argument for literally every mlm ship in existence that you hate. despite the echo chamber certain toxic fans are in, bucktommy has been well received by the GA and other 911 fans who couldn’t care less about buck and eddie as a ship. overall, this does not mean your ship isn’t valid, canonicity is not the end all be all of ships, it’s about having fun and being creative. it’s when you start trying to deny canon and villainize characters/ships/shippers simply because it exists that causes people to start making posts exactly like this.

[sevensoulmates]

7x05 Buddie Meta YDKM Part 4 (of 4)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

I really didn't want this meta to be four parts again, but there's just SO MUCH to analyze. Thanks for sticking with me!

Eddie is aware that going the route of trying to force a relationship, the route of over-committing almost never works for him, and yet he still wants to try again despite knowing that something inside him was trying to warn him this episode. He's ignored the signs yet again.

Going back again to the notion that Eddie doesn't really want to try again with this relationship because he so desperately wants to get to know Marisol. We know he doesn't, because we just saw when he was on his own, he closed the box on Marisol's things, his metaphorical chance to get to know her. So what does he really want to work out this time? The relationship. A relationship. Eddie would really like it if this relationship could work because as we saw earlier in the episode with Bobby, Eddie wants the relationship so badly, the domesticity so badly, that he doesn't care who it's with. He let go too early with Ana, and this time he's not doing that.

Eddie's words don't match his actions. He tells Marisol he wants to start over with her, get to know her, but he doesn't really act like it. It's possible in future episodes he might try to put in an effort, but at least from his attitude right before Marisol walked in, it didn't really feel like he was being genuine. So I'm not sure if really getting to know her is really what he wants. Sure, maybe this time he'll get to know Marisol, but I don't think it'll matter what he does or doesn't learn about her. Something will always be wrong, and he's going to have to learn that on his own.

The tone of this scene is made to make us feel hopeful, and yet the words themselves aren't really that hopeful. They speak of Marisol moving out in the hopes of starting over and getting to know Eddie better. Though he's smiling, Eddie's words feel odd. He's happy she's moving out. I'm not entirely convinced it's because he's excited to get to know her. Maybe that's an aspect of it, but it just feels to me like he's relieved she's moving out.

Additionally, I want to point out that Marisol was first introduced in season six in an episode called Home Invasion, and in this episode that was exactly what she was. She invaded Eddie's home, though it was an invasion he invited, and almost immediately regretted. I get the feeling that this episode's title isn't to be ignored because although we finally got to know a little bit about Marisol, Eddie failed to really learn the true root of his issues--because it's not catholicism, though it may be a part of it. When Eddie closed the box on getting to know Marisol, he closed the box on examining himself further, and therefore, Eddie still hasn't gotten to know his true self yet. However, I do believe this is the start of his arc, and more of this will be progressively deconstructed throughout this season, and probably extend into next season. I get the feeling that we're laying the groundwork now and that next season it's going to really pop off.

In the same vein, Buck admits that he and Tommy don't know much about each other as well. The difference here is that Buck actually looks open to learning more about Tommy, open to actually seeing if what they have could be something worth exploring further.

Tommy however does demonstrate a real care for Buck's feelings here. Maybe he could've communicated that a little bit better after their date, but his actions were done out of care for Buck in the end.

This line was once again vague. Because in the moment, you're lead to believe that Buck's unsure about possibly being in a relationship with a man, but wanting to explore it. In my opinion, this is another one of those statements just like the one Maddie gave him earlier in the episode, where he knows that he's on the right path now that he's discovered and accepted that he likes men, but he's not yet discovered who the right person he should be on this path with is yet. But something in him tells him that this, exploring men, is the right path, and that's what he's ready for.

But for the time being, Buck wants to explore what he has with Tommy and I think that's a good thing. But it is also a good indicator that Bucktommy is not endgame and somewhere inside Buck (and likely Tommy too), he knows.

We then get an interesting parallel with Buck and Eddie once again by having Buck make a pretty big step forward with Tommy. Most people would agree that asking someone you've only been on one date with to be your date to a wedding you're involved in is a pretty big jump. It's slightly more "serious" than they are at the moment. Whether or not this will backfire is yet to be seen.

I very briefly want to touch on the characters they're supposed to be. I originally did not understand the reference, but I saw this opinion piece someone posted on twitter and thought it was interesting to share.

I just find it interesting that the writers made the choice for Buck and Eddie to be wearing couple costumes in the likeness of a pair that was also at some point read as queer-coded and had an "inseparable" relationship yet was never allowed to move out of subtext. Even if it wasn't the original writers of Miami Vice's intention, that doesn't matter to me. The fact that the relationship between Crockett & Tubbs appears to be a mirror to Buck & Eddie is what fascinates me.

This episode as a whole was mostly what I was expecting with Eddie doubling down on Marisol, but at the same time, I did NOT see the nun stuff coming and I definitely didn't see them diving into catholic guilt coming. My hope is that this laying down the groundwork to have Eddie work through these issues more later because this feels far from over.

I'm confident that this is the start of Eddie's eventual queer realization arc and I'm willing to wait however long it takes for them to write through it thoroughly.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

[shitouttabuck]

fuck it friday

tagged by @eddiebabygirldiaz and @rewritetheending <3

i have not written a word in Months but i found the start of this prompt fill on my desktop and i cant for the life of me remember the plot i meant to write

“It’s not a big enough deal to call a TaskRabbit, or an actual, you know, plumber,” Eddie’s telling Chim as he wriggles into his jeans, soft morning light dancing over his face through the locker room glass. “And I’ve watched a million YouTube videos, and everyone online says it’s basically impossible to fuck up. I’ve just never done it myself before.” Buck knows the extra meat in the middle of this story that Eddie’s generously allowed his own self-preservation to omit: hardware store Marisol who ended up fixing Eddie’s sink and the squeaky back door and then gently telling Eddie he was very nice but they’d been taking it slow and trying at this for a while and they still don’t actually have a single thing in common or that magic spark, so to text her if he needed a hand with home reno—she’s happy to repay a favour—but as far as dating went, she didn’t see much more for them. That was, with timing only a horror-comedy could love, just hours before she dropped by the Diaz house to pick up the rest of her things, only to find Eddie on the porch with his tongue down the throat of a woman who was decidedly not her and traumatizingly like the many photographs of his dead wife framed around the residence. Buck can’t really say he blames her in the slightest for what followed, and what followed included grabbing a hammer from her passenger seat—Buck can appreciate a well-prepared woman—and unfixing everything she had repaired in the Diaz house, loudly, violently, and with scathing commentary on the kind of boyfriend and person Eddie Diaz is. And listen, Buck’s not unbiased here. He loves Eddie, everyway and everywhen, ugly, cruel mistakes and all. He loves him because and sometimes despite, and he knows his disappointment was a distant second to the worry and the unconditional support when Eddie’d relayed it all to him later that night, fresh out of two separate dumpings and brimming with guilt and confusion and this loss that must’ve just been another gut-punch in having some version of Shannon taken from him again.

if i can remember what i wanted to write for this prompt, yay, and if not, i am in the brainstorm-outlining stages of a twisters au lmao

tagging oh my god i havent done this in forever who do i tag @onward--upward @chronicowboy @try-set-me-on-fire @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @doeeyeseddie if you fancy!!!

[mineyneedsmoney]

LISTEN

So ep 9 description thing idk what's called it says

" Eddie's emotional affair develops further" or something like that. Here is my theory or more like what I wish could happen.

WALK WITH ME

Since it's an " emotional affair" it means he will not be sleeping with Kim. He will just use her EMOTIONALLY as one last chance with Shannon. One last chance for an " ideal family" he ever dreamed of. The first date with Kim goes really well and thinks to himself this is what Shannon and him could've been if she didn't die.

He goes back home and somehow Marisol finds out about him lying by Buck or Chris. She asks him why he lied and he comes up with excuses and doesn't confess BUT he does tell Buck about it and Buck is like wtf dude that's so messed up. Buck tells Eddie to come clean and Eddie is like hell nahh ain't gonna do that.

Buck and Eddie get into little argument about it. Buck is like " this is the reason why Chris was seeing 5 girls at the same time! He takes after his dad". Eddie is super hurt by it because he thought buck would have his back no matter what.

He ends up telling Marisol about the cheating and she gets super mad. Before she leaves she says " how long have you known?" And he is like " "know what? She goes " that you're incapable of loving another person that's not ur dead wife" and LEAVES.

Now Eddie is freaking out because it's true. The only woman he ever loved was Shannon. He is trying to reason with himself and remembers Kim. so he starts to date her more but he just feels empty inside the whole time. Him and buck made up but something changed between them. Eddie thinks it's because buck lost respect for him and doesn't like him anymore. Buck also has tommy now so he keeps distance.

Around the third date he tries to do it with Kim but yk he can't. It's the same with when he found out that Marisol was a nun. He freaks out This time he doesn't go to bobby or buck instead he goes to an actual confession for the first ever. He tells them everything and about all he ever wanted was a perfect family but now everything is messed up.

The priest asks him one question after hearing everything and that is " you keep talking about a perfect family but what is a perfect family to you"

He replies " A perfect family is a family that is happy and loving. A family that is always there for each other and you can put your full trust in. A family that goes through both hard times and happy times by each other"

The priest asks " and you don't have that with your son? And with anyone else"

Then it clicks. He does have that. He had it with his son and with Buck. He is always happy with Buck, he can trust Buck not just with his life but also with his son, Buck is by his side through everything and he is very loving with Buck...

Oh. He is capable of loving someone else besides Shannon and that's Buck but he can't have him.

AND BOOM

[fireladybuckley]

let the words fall out

coda/speculation for 7x05

T || 6.04k || canon compliant

Buck didn't think he'd ever felt quite so nervous to get out of his car and head into the station as he did after what had happened on Saturday night.  Not on his very first day at the 118.  Not on the day he’d returned to work after the lightning strike.  Not even on his first day back after the lawsuit.

The date with Tommy - it had been going great, until suddenly it hadn't. Eddie's arrival had sent Buck's nerves into overdrive and he'd already been feeling jittery and nervous, it being his first ever date with another man. Tommy had told him to relax, it was okay, it was just Eddie. No big deal. No big deal that his best friend, who had no idea what had transpired between him and Tommy yet, was sitting just far enough away to be out of earshot, but plenty close enough that Buck knew if he turned his head even slightly to the left, he'd see Eddie and Marisol sitting there, clear as day. He could feel Eddie's eyes boring into the side of his head. He could imagine the expression on Eddie's face... trying to figure out exactly what was happening, what he and Tommy were talking about, wondering why Buck hadn't mentioned he was suddenly hanging out with Tommy.

No big deal.

Sure.

or: the one where Buck and Eddie have a huge misunderstanding about the whole Buck/Tommy thing and angstiness goes down

read on Ao3 Thank you to @firemedicdiaz for being my beta reader, as always (love you bb) All line dividers by @firefly-graphics

Tommy had been sweet, doing his best to distract Buck and keep him from spiraling. He’d asked questions about Buck's life and interests and Buck did his best to engage and make conversation, but he felt stiff and anxious the entire time. He doubted Eddie was actually staring at him 100% of the time, but it certainly felt like it, and try as he might, Buck just couldn't force himself to relax. He picked at his food and as soon as Tommy was done eating, Buck had seized the opportunity and suggested they go elsewhere.

Tommy had agreed and they'd left; Tommy waved a friendly goodbye to Eddie as Buck reluctantly turned to glance over at him. He raised a hand in an awkward wave and Eddie's eyes briefly met his. Eddie's expression, which had been a polite smile when returning Tommy's wave, turned more serious and almost cold as he gave Buck a small nod and then looked back down at his food. Feeling a sudden, anxious tightness in his chest, Buck swallowed hard and turned away, following Tommy out of the restaurant. Was Eddie mad at him?

It was a good thing he had been the one driving them because he had a hard time spiraling in his head while paying attention to the road in addition to keeping up a conversation. They went to a nearby pub for a couple of drinks and Tommy was engaging enough that Buck managed to mostly put the matter aside in his mind. After a few hours of talking and laughing, Buck felt at ease again. When he brought Tommy home and was invited in, he agreed, thinking he'd spend a little while there and then head home. He ended up spending the night, and between the making out, the heavy petting, and the early morning murmurings, he was more than distracted enough to completely forget about how Eddie had looked at him.

That was, until he went home the next morning and sat in his empty loft for a while. The euphoria from connecting so deeply with Tommy, the excitement of the rushing feelings of a potential new love, the exhilaration of exploring this side of himself that he'd never realized was there carried him through showering, putting his things away, and making himself some food.

But as he sat there and ate his breakfast, he suddenly remembered the cool look Eddie had given him and felt his giddiness ebb. Had he just been imagining it? Or had Eddie looked almost... angry? He'd been so excited when he'd spotted the two of them, clearly happy that they were getting along, but what if the change in demeanor had happened because he'd realized it was a date? Was he angry that Buck had moved in on his new friend? Or was he angry that Buck, whom he'd thought was straight until that moment, was actually not straight at all?

It had all happened so fast that Buck hadn't had a chance to come out to Eddie - hell, he'd barely had time to absorb the idea himself, let alone tell anyone else. Looking back, his being bi made an incredible amount of sense, but looking forward, it still felt different and new. He wasn't even sure what he would say when he told people.  Wasn't it unusual for people to come out this late?  Hen had told him once that she'd known she was gay since she was a young teen. Other queer friends he'd had had said similar; they'd known since childhood or at least their teen years.

Buck knew it wasn't exactly unheard of for people in their thirties or older to come out, but it felt unexpectedly awkward when he thought about announcing it to everyone, so he had shelved the idea for the time being. He'd thought that maybe going on a few dates with Tommy would make it feel more real, give him something to build on before he said anything; he hadn't counted on anyone - especially not Eddie - immediately finding out on his very first date.

Gnawing on his lower lip, Buck pulled out his phone and opened up the text screen for Eddie, noting that there were no new messages. Not necessarily an odd thing given that he and Marisol had also been out on a date the night before, but still - after seeing him and Tommy together, Buck had kind of expected texts asking how it had happened. Swallowing another small ripple of anxiety, Buck shot Eddie a text.

Hey Eddie, so... how did your date go last night? Great pizza there, right?

Buck winced as he hit send, realizing how terrible the message sounded, but he wasn't sure what else to say. Was he supposed to just be like "Hey Eddie, so you saw me on my very first gay date, surprise! Btw your new friend is super hot"?

No. 

Definitely not.

So he waited. And waited. When he realized Eddie was in no hurry to respond, Buck sighed and finished his breakfast, glancing at his phone every minute or two. Eventually, it finally buzzed. Buck grabbed it so fast he nearly dropped it and fumbled to read the message, which was indeed from Eddie.

It was fine. Yeah, the pizza there is good. Brought some home for Chris and he loved it.

Buck stared at the message, chewing on his lip again. No mention of seeing him or Tommy. No acknowledgement whatsoever of meeting them there, no questions about the situation, nothing. Buck swallowed hard, trying to decide if he should bring it up. Perhaps Eddie was giving him space, letting him decide if he wanted to say anything about it?

Buck spent a good ten minutes typing, then deleting, then typing, then deleting. In the end, he decided he didn't want to have this talk in text, and sent a different message entirely.

Hey, are you busy today? Maybe we could hang out. I could come over or you could come here, either way. If Christopher's not busy he could come too.

Buck expected to wait a while for his reply like he had the first time, and had just set his phone down to take his dishes to the sink when it buzzed again. Heart leaping, he set his plate back down and looked at it.

No, we're busy today. See you at work tomorrow.

Buck's heart sank into his stomach. Eddie usually wasn't so short with him, would usually tell him what they were up to if he couldn't hang out. The immediate shutdown of any chance at a conversation had Buck's blood running cold and he felt anxiety flood through him again. Eventually, he texted back.

Oh, okay. That's okay. See you tomorrow.

Buck set his phone down and covered his face with his hands, rubbed his eyes, ran a hand through his hair. Was he overthinking things? Maybe Eddie really was just busy, maybe he was about to drive somewhere and didn't have time for a proper text. But Buck didn't think so, somehow. Between the look the night before and the bluntness of the texts, the complete absence of acknowledgment of the date... Buck knew something was wrong. But he also didn't want to press Eddie; he knew that could make the situation worse and he was scared that if he said the wrong thing, Eddie would be even more pissed at him.

Clearly, Eddie was not impressed that Buck was moving in on his new friend. Buck knew that Eddie had wanted Tommy and himself to get along, but Buck supposed that going out with Tommy without Eddie had been stepping over a line. Remembering the jealousy he had felt only a few days prior, he wondered if it was a similar situation, that Eddie was hurt that Buck didn't invite him along. Or was it something more?

Buck twisted himself into knots all day long as he went about his daily chores, went to the gym, sat down to watch a TV show. Eddie didn't message him again. Tommy did and Buck spent some time texting with him, but the whole time he just felt this nagging sense of unease.

At least they had a shift the next day. Once they were face to face, Buck could tell Eddie he was sorry he hadn't told him they were going out without him, and resolved to invite him along next time. He still wasn't sure whether Eddie knew it had been a date date or just an outing, but he wasn't sure if it mattered - in his mind, Eddie was mad because Buck went behind his back and invited Tommy out without him, nothing more.

So, that morning, Buck pulled up to the station and sat in his car for a minute, glancing around the lot. Eddie's truck was already there and Buck took a few deep breaths before he jumped out and headed inside. His only goal that day was to smooth things over with Eddie, unable to stand the idea that his best friend was mad at him, filled with the need to make it right.

Buck walked into the station with his bag slung over his back, searching for Eddie as he headed towards the lockers. People greeted him and he nodded, returning the greetings distractedly as he passed them, eyes peeled. He made it to his locker without seeing Eddie so he quickly ditched his stuff and changed into his uniform, then headed upstairs to the kitchen. Eddie was seated at the counter, drinking coffee and talking to Bobby. Buck's heart skipped a beat when he saw him and he started forward, but before he could even get close, the tones went off.

"We're starting early today, I guess," Bobby sighed, setting down the baking tray he'd been about to put in the oven. Everyone got up and hurried downstairs and Buck was just about to greet Eddie as he moved to jump up into the back when Bobby called over to him.

"Buck, you're driving today!"

"Oh," Buck said, stopping short as Eddie darted past him without a word. "Okay, Cap."

Buck hopped up into the driver's seat, making a plan in his head for when they returned, how he'd corner Eddie and talk to him. But the entire day went like that - every time they came back to the station and Buck approached Eddie, the tones went off and they had to run again. All day and evening, Buck was unable to start a conversation with Eddie, and even during mealtimes, Eddie was seated too far from him to have any kind of private conversation.

At first, Buck thought it was all just a coincidence, but after lunch, supper, and a late night meal came and went without Eddie being closer than three seats away, he was starting to suspect it was on purpose. All night, whenever they didn't have a call, Eddie made sure he was near other people and while Buck could join them, it was impossible to have any kind of private chat. Every time he tried to talk to him, Eddie would answer politely enough but he refused to meet Buck's eyes and quickly changed the subject or engaged someone else in conversation.

Twenty hours into the twenty four, Buck noticed Eddie moving away from the group to head towards the washroom and, desperate to connect with him, Buck followed, lurking nearby the door as he waited for him to finish. Maybe he was standing a little too close because the door swung open and nailed the back of his boot, not hurting him but causing a loud thunk noise that startled both of them.

"Whoa, sorry - oh." Eddie's tone was light and apologetic at first, not knowing who he'd hit with the door, but his tone dropped and he frowned as he saw who it was.

"Buck, what are you doing? Did you really follow me to the bathroom?"

Buck swallowed, suddenly unable to speak, his mouth dry. Eddie was clearly unhappy to see him there and it was so different from his usual reception that it made Buck feel like he wanted to cry.

"I, well- you- you didn't really give me a choice," Buck said nervously, stumbling over his words. "I've been trying to talk to you all day."

"I know," Eddie replied dryly, looking everywhere but into Buck's gaze.

"Oh..." Buck swallowed. "You knew I wanted to? Then why—"

"Because I don't want to talk to you right now," Eddie said flatly, staring at a spot over Buck's left shoulder.

The colour drained from Buck's face as he stared at Eddie, feeling dizzy, feeling like the world was spinning, feeling like he was about to explode into a million miserable pieces.

"W-what? Why? W-why don't you—" Buck asked, his voice wavering as he struggled to keep it together.

"Do you really not have any clue why I might be irritated with you right now?" Eddie asked sharply, glancing directly at him for a split second before avoiding his eyes again.

"I..." Buck faltered, hesitating. "Is it because I didn't tell you that Tommy and I were going out together? I swear we weren't trying to exclude you or anything, it just kind of happened, and-"

"Buck, I don't care if you have other friends. Hell, I really wanted you and Tommy to get along." Eddie said in a tone that Buck was having a hard time identifying.  Was it anger? Resentment? Annoyance? Buck couldn't tell and he was getting frustrated. Why wouldn't Eddie just look at him?

"Wanted... like past tense?" Buck asked cautiously. "Do you not still want us to?"

"Well, I think you're probably getting along better than I ever would have suspected," Eddie said, in that same unidentifiable tone. He paused for a moment and then added - still without making eye contact - in a biting tone that stung Buck with every word.  "That was a date, right? Not just dinner between friends? Are you two actually dating?"

Buck felt like the ground was shaking, like a hole was about to open up and swallow him. Or he kind of wished it would, anyway. He felt dizzy; so Eddie knew it was more than friendship, that he and Tommy had been on a date... and he was not happy about it? That tone was sharp, bitter, even angry... and Buck didn't know how to react. Was this really about Tommy? Or something deeper?

A thought that hadn't occurred to Buck suddenly hit him like a freight train; what if Eddie was actually angry that Buck wasn't straight? They had never talked about it before, and though Buck knew Eddie generally had no problem whatsoever with queer people, was it somehow different now that he knew Buck wasn't straight? Could Eddie actually be homophobic? Buck had never even entertained that thought, but as he looked at the anger that Eddie was barely holding back, he felt like he'd just been punched in the face. Hurt coursing through him, he finally found his voice.

"Is that a problem?" Buck asked, his voice smaller than he would've liked. Eddie sniffed in an annoyed way and shook his head like he couldn't believe him, and Buck felt a flicker of anger suddenly well up inside of him.

"Do you have a problem with me? Are you actually pissed that I'm not straight?" Buck asked fiercely, his heart pounding painfully in his chest.

Dead silence.

After another silent moment, Eddie finally looked him full in the face, and Buck was struck dumb by the intensity of the anger and hurt in Eddie's expression. They stared at each other for several long moments, Buck's emotions in turmoil in his gut. Confusion, anger, hurt, fear, all swirling through his insides, threatening to send him toppling to the floor if the silence stretched on any longer. Just as he was about to explode from the tension, Eddie spoke.

"Do you really think so little of me?" Eddie asked, his voice tight with tension, anger, and disbelief. "Do you really think I would have a problem with you being gay?"

Buck stared at him, completely unsure, worried that he'd really fucked up with that question, because he had never seen such an expression on Eddie's face before. And if he was being honest, no, he'd never actually thought that Eddie would have a problem with it, but he was still so angry about something and Buck just didn't understand what it was.

"B-but you've been acting like you hate me since you saw us together," Buck said quickly, his voice shaking, "if it's not that it's Tommy, and it's not that we didn't invite you, then what else could it be if not because I'm--"

"We're done here," Eddie snapped, cutting him off and shaking his head in disgust. Before Buck could say anything, Eddie had stalked quickly down the hallway and disappeared into the kitchen area. Trembling from the adrenaline and anxiety of the confrontation, Buck went into the washroom and sat on a toilet for a long time, his head in his hands, his mind reeling.

There was only one more call before the shift ended and Buck quietly asked Bobby if he could be the man behind. Bobby could clearly see that something was wrong, but Buck shook his head to indicate that he didn't want to get into it and Bobby shrugged.

"Sure, kid. You can stay. But let me know if you need to talk about anything, okay?" Bobby said, looking him directly in the eyes and gripping his shoulder.

Buck nodded, patting Bobby's arm in an attempt to indicate his thanks but not trusting himself to speak. He was exhausted after the shift and with all the emotional turmoil, he was afraid he'd start crying at Bobby's kindness.

The team left and Buck hid in the bunkrooms for most of the rest of the shift. The engine came back just minutes before the shift ended, and Buck watched them stream into the locker rooms from up in the loft, watched Eddie studiously not looking up at him as he headed off to change and then left.

Only once Eddie was gone did Buck himself leave, driving home in a daze without even turning the radio on, thinking of everything and nothing all at the same time. He eventually found his way into his apartment and started his usual after-shift rituals - undressing, showering, making breakfast. He had poured himself some orange juice and sat down before he even realized what he was doing, so distracted that he wondered vaguely who had made the eggs on his plate, because he certainly did not remember making them.

Halfway through eating, he gave up. He couldn't focus. He kept checking his phone every minute or two. He had a feeling that if he texted or called Eddie, he wouldn't get an answer. Buck knew he wasn't going to be able to get any sleep. There was only one thing he could do.

Abandoning his half-eaten breakfast, Buck grabbed his keys and went back out to his Jeep, determined to fix their issues. It was after eight in the morning, he knew Chris would be gone for school and Eddie would probably be alone.

Buck drove to Eddie's house, squirming and anxious the whole time, wishing it wasn't rush hour as it took nearly twice as long as it should have to get there. Finally he reached the house and sat for a while just looking at it. Part of him didn't even want to go in - the idea of more confrontation made him feel sick. But he also knew he would never get any kind of meaningful rest or even feel normal until they worked out whatever was happening. Eddie was far too important to him to let this slide.

Buck finally steeled himself, took a deep breath, and got out of his Jeep. At the door, he knocked and waited.

Knocked and waited.

Knocked a third time. Waited.

Nothing.

Buck knew Eddie was home; his truck was in the driveway. He supposed that maybe Eddie was sleeping but he doubted it. The anger and hurt Buck had seen in Eddie's eyes had been potent enough that Buck was sure that he wouldn't be able to sleep either. Buck knocked a fourth time; still nothing.

"Come on, Eddie," Buck called through the door. "I know you're home. Let me in."

Still nothing. Frustrated, angry, and now a little worried, Buck decided to take matters into his own hands. Finding Eddie's key on his keyring, he unlocked the front door and slipped inside, locking it again behind him. The house was quiet, the living room empty. Buck stuck his keys back into his pocket and cautiously moved down the hallway into the kitchen.

Eddie was seated at the kitchen table, reading, and Buck saw that he had ear buds in his ears. Feeling slightly relieved because at least he now assumed Eddie hadn't heard him knocking, he started to lift his hand and open his mouth to say hello when Eddie's eyes shifted upwards and found him. He started slightly, then his mildly surprised expression turned into a scowl. He reached up and took the earbuds out, almost glaring at him.

"Seriously, Buck? You just let yourself in? Can't you take a hint?" Eddie asked, irritated, setting down his e-reader and frowning at him. He didn't seem overly surprised that Buck had let himself in, but he didn't sound pleased.

"Well, I— I don't know, I-I wanted to talk to you... plus I thought maybe you didn't hear me knocking?" Buck said, a little hopefully, gesturing to the earbuds on the table.

"Why do you think I was wearing them?" Eddie asked flatly, taking a sip of his coffee. "I thought you'd get the hint after I didn't answer the door, but apparently not."

Buck felt the words hit him like a slap and anger flickered in his gut again - why was Eddie being such a jerk? Okay, Buck understood that clearly Eddie didn't want to talk, but why was he being so rude? It was so unnecessary and the anger made Buck feel stronger, more confident to speak.

"Why are you acting like this?" Buck asked indignantly. "I didn't do anything to you, all I did was go on a date with a guy and now you're— you're acting like— like I mortally offended you because I'm not straight, or-"

Eddie let out a derisive snort and stood, taking his empty coffee cup to the counter, his back turned to Buck. Buck glared at the back of Eddie's head, the anger fueling him into opening his mouth again.

"You claim you don't care that I went out with Tommy," Buck said, the volume of his voice rising, "and you claimed you'd never be angry that I wasn't straight--"

"And I meant it," Eddie snapped, cutting in with a glance over his shoulder, though not turning around. Buck took a breath, trying to reel in his emotions, but kept going on, his voice still rising with emotion.

"Then what is it? What have I done to offend you so much that you won't even look at me? Why are you being such a- a-" Buck sputtered himself into stopping, trying not to let his emotions get the better of him. Eddie turned slowly, scowling, his arms crossed over his chest.

"A what?" he demanded, one eyebrow crooked. "What exactly am I being?" His tone was still irritated, taunting even, and Buck, feeling egged on, didn't hesitate.

"A bitch. You're being a total bitch about this and I don't get it, Eddie." Buck's voice cracked, but he forced himself to stay on track. Eddie was glaring at him, still angry - though Buck suspected he saw the slightest hint of amusement at being called a bitch - and it spurred him on.

"If you're not mad that it's Tommy, if you're not mad that I'm... um, not straight..." Buck swallowed, still struggling to feel normal about saying that when it had only been a few days and he still wasn't used to it. He continued, his voice filled with anger, hurt. "Then what is it? What could I possibly have done to offend you so badly?"

Arms still crossed, Eddie stared down at the floor near Buck's feet as Buck waited, breathing fast, nearly shaking with the adrenaline once again. He expected Eddie to react angrily, to feed off the energy that Buck was putting out, but as he watched, Eddie seemed to deflate.

Eddie let out a deep, ragged sigh and leaned back against the counter, uncrossed his arms, and ran a single hand through his hair. When he finally looked up and met Buck's eyes, Buck could still see anger there, but now he also saw sadness and felt the confusion rising in him again.

"You really don't understand?" Eddie asked, and his voice was much calmer, his tone more resigned than angry. Buck responded to this reduction in intensity and lowered his own voice, though it still shook a little with emotion.

"I don't, Eddie," Buck agreed with some relief, a little bit of desperation colouring his voice now. "Would I be here begging you to tell me what it is if I actually did understand?"

Eddie bobbed his head to the side as though Buck had a point. Buck waited again, on tenterhooks, as Eddie let out another small sigh and looked at him again.

"How long have you known?" Eddie asked quietly, meeting his eyes for a moment but then dropping his gaze to the floor again.

"Known..." Buck repeated, blank. "Known what?"

Eddie gave him a look that said come on, and shook his head a little.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Eddie asked and Buck frowned as he watched the rest of Eddie's anger dissolve, replaced by sadness and a little indignance of his own.

"Tell you--" Buck started, but Eddie kept going.

"I mean, I’d understand if I wasn't the first person you told," Eddie went on, "someone like Hen would make sense, or your sister, or..."

Eddie trailed off and looked up just as it hit Buck what Eddie was talking about.

"Oh! You mean, how long have I known... why didn't I tell you I was... is that what you meant?" Buck asked, realization finally dawning on him as Eddie nodded, a slightly exasperated look on his face.

"Yeah, I mean... when I saw you guys, when I realized it was an actual date... I was like "oh that's cool, I didn't know"... but then I started wondering why I didn't know," Eddie said, standing up straight and starting to pace around the kitchen. Buck wanted to interrupt but found that he couldn't, his eyes glued to Eddie, following his path around the table as he spoke.

"I wondered if you didn't trust me, or you thought I would treat you differently, or..." Eddie seemed to hesitate, but then plowed on. "Or worse, I wondered if you thought I would judge you. That I wouldn't want to be around you because of it."

Buck stared at him, startled by the worry in his voice, feeling a rush of relief and affection for Eddie flooding him as the other man spoke.

"Eddie, no, that's not-- no! I never thought that," Buck tried to assure him, but Eddie's gaze was still worried and a little hard as he met Buck's.

"Are you sure about that? Last night you seemed pretty convinced that I was angry that you were gay."

"Yeah, but that's only because I couldn't figure out why you were mad," Buck said quickly, an earnest edge to his voice. "I'm not entirely sure I understand now, but--"

"I was afraid that you don't know me at all, despite being friends for so long," Eddie admitted.  

"I would never judge you... but I was pissed because suddenly I see you out on a date with a guy that you seemed to despise, and I started wondering if you'd been putting on an act to hide from me that you actually liked him, that you didn't trust me enough to tell me. You seemed so awkward and freaked out that I'd seen you that I started thinking you intentionally hadn't said anything... And yeah I guess I got angry, I was hurt that you hadn't told me, and the idea that you thought I'd judge you for not being straight upset me so much that it turned into-- well, it turned into me being a bitch about it," Eddie finished, a tiny smirk curling the corner of his lips.

Buck let out a small, relieved - but still nervous - laugh and felt himself relax just a little, relieved that now at least he knew what was wrong.

"Eddie, I swear, it was nothing like that. I swear. I don't think you would ever judge me like that. I trust you." Buck told him, and the sincerity in his voice seemed to reassure Eddie, who looked up at him again and held his gaze.

"I believe you. But still, why didn't you tell me? If you didn't think I would judge you, then... why?" Eddie asked, getting a second coffee cup out of the cupboard and filling it and his own with more coffee from the pot. He sat down at the table, and gestured for Buck to do the same, setting the coffee mug in front of him.

"Honestly?" Buck replied as he sat across from Eddie and sighed, curling his fingers around the cup. "I genuinely didn't realize until Tommy kissed me a few days ago."

Eddie had just taken a sip of his coffee and choked a little at those words, coughing and setting down his cup as he looked over at Buck.

"He kissed you, what-- just out of nowhere, or?" Eddie asked, surprised. "I mean, I knew he wasn't straight but I didn't know he was going to ask you out."

"Neither did he," Buck said with a bit of a nervous chuckle, taking a sip of his coffee. He began to tell Eddie what happened, feeling awkward at first but relaxing a little as he spoke. Tommy had been right - it was just Eddie. His best friend. He could tell him anything.

Buck told him about how Tommy had come over to apologize for getting in the way of his and Eddie's friendship, how Buck had realized that while he'd been jealous at first, he'd actually been trying to get Tommy's attention, and then how the kiss had just... happened, and how the date had been made right after, and how Buck had been just as surprised as anyone else would be that he was seriously attracted to Tommy.  To guys in general.

"And you really didn't know?" Eddie asked after a few moments of silence, as Buck drummed his fingers on placemat under his cup, tracing the outline of a dinosaur - a set of prehistoric placemats that Chris had begged for one time when they'd gone to Target together.

"I mean, I think I had suspected, a little," Buck said thoughtfully. "It's definitely never bothered me when someone thought I was gay or anything, and I always felt like there was something... off, you know? Something missing, I guess, when I thought about relationships and who I was attracted to."

Eddie nodded slowly, clearly thinking, and Buck drained his coffee and continued.

"But I guess I didn't realize it in reality until it was right there in front of me," he mused, and Eddie smiled slightly. "What?"

"You didn't realize until what was in front of you - Tommy, or the gay awakening?" Buck laughed and shook his head, lifting his hands slightly as though in surrender.

"I guess they're one and the same in this case," Buck admitted and Eddie laughed. "But I think I'm bi. Bi makes sense, because I do still like women... I just like men too."

Eddie nodded and Buck took it as a gesture of acceptance and love. A much more amicable silence fell over them as Buck, feeling generally at ease but still a tiny bit nervous, fiddled with his cup while Eddie finished his. After a while, Buck looked up and Eddie smiled at him, a teasing glint in his eyes.

"So, is Tommy a good kisser?" Eddie asked, feigning innocence as Buck threw a napkin at him.

"Oh shut up," Buck said, laughing. He paused, thinking about it. "Although... yeah, yeah he is."

Eddie snorted and rose, grabbing their cups and moving back towards the coffee maker.

"The man could charm the birds from the trees, of course he's a good kisser," Eddie commented, pouring them both more coffee and turning around to hand one to Buck. "Do you like him?"

Buck paused, turning the mug slowly in his hands and staring at the swirling milk Eddie had added for him. He wondered if maybe Eddie was hiding something from him too, the way he talked about Tommy, but Buck decided not to bark up that tree just yet.

"Yeah," he answered, slowly at first, but then with more confidence and a smile. "Yeah, I think I really do."

Eddie smiled, and nodded.

"Then I'm cool with it. As long as you're happy, Buck, that's all I care about."

Buck struggled to find words to say, touched by Eddie's acceptance and care for him, but nothing came to him. Eddie seemed to understand and smiled again, reaching out to squeeze Buck's shoulder tightly before moving over to the fridge and looking inside.

"You hungry? I can whip us up some eggs and bacon," Eddie suggested, glancing over his shoulder at him.

Buck felt his stomach growl at the mention of bacon and nodded with a grin.

"That sounds great," he agreed and watched as Eddie pulled everything they needed out of the fridge. 

As he helped cook, Buck couldn't help but feel grateful for how normal everything felt again. Eddie understood now and everything was fine. Buck had been so worried about coming out and it hadn't been a big deal at all. He knew it wouldn't always be that easy, but as he stood in Eddie's kitchen like he'd done a million times before, making food with him and talking and laughing, Buck felt like he was already on the right track to living his life the way he was truly meant to.

Thanks for reading! Please reblog to share if you enjoyed it <3

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