#and everyone i explain this to tells me it's super wacko that happened

[theloveinc]

More professor drama? 👀

yes. and boy did it break. my. heart :) ...

I'm in a math class, right? And it's catered towards non-majors who're just looking to fulfill a specific credit so we don't have to pay to test out. and i'm HELLA bad at math but i really enjoy this class b/c the teacher and TA are so helpful and kind and i'm actually learning etc. etc.

anyway, out of the blue my counselor (who is unrelated to math AT ALL) reaches out to schedule a reflection on the class with the head of my grad department (and would not tell me why)... only to postpone the meeting for two weeks, and THEN TELL ME I'VE BEEN BEHAVING POORLY IN MY CLASS???? not grades related, BEHAVIOR RELATED.

and so i'm fucking like, stunned and confused, i keep asking what i've done, why isn't the actually prof. talking to me, what i need to do, etc. and no one tells me shit until i'm literally SOBBING on this zoom meeting because apparently i'm being punished??

and finally i guess i cry hard enough for them to believe it was all unintentional and i DON'T know what they're talking about, and they fucking. tell me that i've been asking "too many questions" such that the whole class is distracted AND that i've been refusing to work with the TA (which isn't even true?????) ...

which is ridiculous bc the professor himself has NEVER mentioned to me that i ask for help too much, and i've been working with the TA since the beginning of the class???????

so i'm completely fucking blindsided by this bc i genuinely. LOVED. this class, so to find out I'VE BEEN A PROBLEM IS REALLY DEVASTATING.

and i go to email my teacher and ta apologies, just reflecting on like, how sorry i am my behavior came across so poorly and etc. AND ESSENTIALLY THEY JUST CONFIRM THAT I WAS A HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS. like my profs response, deadass, is "how classy of you to parlay.." LIKE WTF?????

and this whole. fucking time. i genuinely had absolutely no clue. NONE.

[cloudspotterclub]

traumatic (j.b.b.)

Pairing: avenger!bucky x parker!reader

Summary: You're convinced Bucky hates you, and you fear the worst when you accidentally insult him.

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: spoilers for civil war, mentions of murder, very mild enemies to lovers, barely-there angst, mostly crack and fluff

a/n: This is my very first post ever! This fic honestly doesn't fit anywhere in the mcu timeline lol, let's just pretend civil war never happened and everyone lives together in peace.

I try not to stare, I really do. I never do it on purpose, except if someone says something really scummy and I want them to know they did. But Bucky hardly ever says anything at all, and definitely nothing to warrant a stare-down. My eyes just happen to wander over to him a lot.

As he shifts awkwardly for what must be the thousandth time, I avert my eyes for the thousandth time too. He must think I’m a freak or some wacko groupie that the Avengers pity enough to bring along everywhere. I guess the latter isn’t too far off—I suspect Peter has me over so often because I wouldn’t go out otherwise.

There he is now, barging into the painfully silent kitchen with his ever-oblivious grin. “Hey, cuz! Bucky! What’re you two up to?”

I cringe a little at the ‘you two’. We couldn’t be sitting farther away, him at the dining table staring out the windows and me at the kitchen island. I’m not even sure Bucky’s noticed Peter’s entrance.

“I’m just doing some work stuff, Pete.”

Peter glances over the empty island and frowns, “On your phone? Isn’t it your day off?”

God damn it, Parker.

I try to keep my voice steady to no avail. “Uh, yeah, you know how my boss is. I’m just sending over some files and there’s, like, better reception out here.”

Truth is, I came out here at 4 AM just because I felt like soaking the morning in. I didn’t think Bucky was going to be out here already looking all somber and melancholic. I had debated sneaking away, but he’d already seen me, so I just wordlessly made my way to one of the stools by the island and he went back to studying the skyline.

And that’s where we’ve been for the past three hours. But I wasn’t going to explain that to Peter in front of Bucky. Soaking the morning in? Who’d believe that? He’d think I’m even more of a stalker.

“Huh. I’m telling you, cuz, you should just come work for Mr. Stark. You love administration stuff, right? Ms. Potts is barely his assistant anymore, and I hear she’s looking for a replacement.” Peter drops his voice to an exaggerated whisper, “Rumor is there’s a baby on the way!”

I roll my eyes, “It’s not nice to speculate on whether someone’s pregnant, Peter. Besides, I can’t work here, it’s basically nepotism.”

“I guess, but Mr. Stark’s a nepotism baby. I’m sure he wouldn’t judge you.”

“Peter! You can’t say that—he was orphaned. It’s awful what happened to his parents.” The moment the words leave my mouth, I freeze. Oh. My God.

I can’t bring myself to actually look, but judging by the way Peter’s jaw is hanging open, Bucky definitely heard that.

Suddenly, Peter doesn’t seem so keen on conversation. “Er, I’m gonna head back to my room. Have a streaming party thing with Ned and MJ. Can’t remember why I even came out here in the first place, to be honest. So. See ya, cuz! Bye…Mr. Barnes!”

And with that, Peter disappears and it’s just me and the ex-murderous super soldier I deeply offended.

After cringing for a few more seconds, I build up the courage to look over at him. His eyes are still trained on the skyscrapers littering the city, but something in his demeanor seems different. Is he…holding back a smile?

I can’t do anything but stare incredulously at him. Is this what he looks like right before he goes all Winter Soldier and kills everyone in his direct vicinity? I’ve only ever seen him smile when Steve talks about their days before the serum, so I’m not really sure what to make of this. I think what I’m feeling is fear.

As the thought occurs that I should probably leave, Bucky clears his throat and his eyes meet mine as I’m halfway off the stool. “You don’t have to go.”

“Oh.” I don’t think I’m blinking at all as I sit back down. “I just thought—you know—maybe it’d be better if I left after I—after—”

“What? After you shamed me for the most traumatic experience of my life?” He deadpans, arms across his chest.

I try to swallow the giant lump in my throat. He’s the one staring me dead in the eye now. But definitely not in the way I’d always imagined he would.

With his hair cut short, freshly shaven face, and casual attire, he looks a lot less intimidating than when I first saw him on the news in the full Winter Soldier getup. Still though, everything about his stance feels like he’s challenging me, waiting to strike. I don’t know what he’s waiting for—I couldn’t win in a fight against a feral cat, let alone an Avenger.

Just as I’m contemplating sending a prayer up to a god I don’t believe in, Bucky chuckles. “Relax, I’m kidding. I know you didn’t mean it like that.”

Despite his light tone, I’m still mapping out my escape as he saunters over and takes the seat across from me. “You don’t have to be so antsy around me all the time, you know. I’m not going to kill you.”

I grimace a little at the slight hurt in his voice. “Right, no, I know that. I’m sorry. I just get so awkward around you and end up saying some dumb shit that offends you and only makes you hate me more. I’m really sorry, Bucky.”

He furrows his eyebrows and leans forward a little, “You think I hate you?”

I mimic his confused expression as my words stumble out, “Well, yeah? You never talk to me or look at me, and I feel like you don’t like me hanging around the tower and intruding on your space. That’s why I try really hard to stay out of your way. Which, obviously, doesn’t always work very well.” I close my eyes and cringe at the disaster that was this morning.

Bucky’s lips turn up for the second time today, which is almost scarier than when he glares. Actually, I don’t know if scary is the right word. But I really don’t know how much longer I can handle his intense gaze on me.

“I thought you stayed away because you didn’t like me,” he says, cocking his head slightly.

“What? How could you think that?”

“Like you said, you talk to everyone but me.” He shrugs indifferently, but the twitch in his mouth tells me he cares more than he’s letting on. “Every time I walk in the room, you come up with an excuse to leave. Doesn’t feel too good, to be honest with you.”

I bite my lower lip, the guilt really piling on now. That’s what gives me the courage to look him in the eye again, and suddenly I can’t remember why I was ever afraid of this man whose eyes are pleading for answers. I cast my gaze down at his tightly-laced fingers on the marble between us. His knuckles are turning white.

It doesn’t seem like I’ll get another shot at explaining this, and I might as well get it all out there. So, with caution, I move to the stool right next to Bucky. I suck in a sharp breath when he adjusts and our arms brush together. I can feel his dark eyes boring into the side of my face, urging me to go on. So I do.

“Bucky, I don’t know if you’ve noticed or if my bratty cousin has let it slip, but I kind of had a giant crush on you when we first met.” At this, I can feel him sit up straighter. There’s no going back now. “I used to be really intimidated when you came around, and I didn’t know how to talk to you because you were this cool, mysterious, smoldering Avenger and I was just Peter’s civilian cousin. Plus, you were never as talkative as Sam or Tony. In retrospect, I probably overthought your quietness as a dislike towards me, and so I thought it’d be better to keep my distance. I guess we were both wrong in our assumptions.”

I let myself look up at him, but I can’t decipher the look on his face. His brows are knit together, mouth set in a straight line. His hands have unclenched, each resting on one knee.

I lower my voice, though I don’t mean for it to be so shaky. “I never meant to make you feel unwanted, Bucky. I’m truly sorry.”

He tears his gaze away from me and stands up off of the stool.

Fuck, you’ve really done it this time, you blabbering idiot, I think, squeezing my eyes closed to avoid having to see him storm off.

But instead of hearing his footsteps walking away, I feel a sudden warmth. My eyes shoot open only to see Bucky leaning over me with a hand cupping my cheek. I’ve always known he was big in stature, but I’ve never felt smaller than with him towering over me, making it impossible to see anything that isn’t him. Of course, that might also be because his icy blue eyes are holding me hostage. My breath hitches like I’m seeing him for the first time again.

I don’t realize I’m leaning backwards until I lose my balance and the damn stool gives out from underneath me. Before I can even brace myself, Bucky’s already got both arms around me, his chest pressing against mine, and I’ve never had more trouble catching my breath.

His eyes are now frantically searching over me as he sets me on my feet. “Are you alright? Hey, why are you breathing like that? Shit, you didn’t hit your head on the table, did you?” He punctuates that last sentence with his hands brushing against the back of my head, feeling for any bumps.

The lines on his face deepen, “Doll, say something so I know you’re okay.”

“I’m fine!” I sputter, “Uh, just lost my balance there. And. Forgot how to speak, apparently. Really took me by surprise there, ha. Stools—they’ll get ya!” What the fuck what the fuck.

Realization dawns on Bucky’s face and he’s flashing that smile again. “Ah, stools. Right.” He shifts his weight, dropping his hands to his side as the tension breaks between us. It’s quickly picked back up when he reaches for my hand, which has dissolved into nervous tremors, as has the rest of my body.

He carefully envelops both his hands around mine and takes a step forward. Whiffs of cinnamon and something woody are wafting over me, and I’m becoming increasingly aware that his breathing isn’t much steadier than mine. I have to crane my neck up to meet his eyes again.

His voice drops to a whisper, “For the record, I’m pretty sure I had a crush on you first.”

I shake my head in disbelief, “There’s no way.”

A little half-smile settles on his face as he nods, “Steve’ll tell ya. The first time you visited the compound.”

“Wait, you weren’t there when I first visited. It was just Peter, Tony, Steve, and Bruce.”

He gives a weak chuckle, “No, I was there. I was supposed to introduce myself, but then I saw you with everyone and I completely lost my nerve. I turned right around and spent the rest of the night beating myself up over it. S’pose that’s also why I didn’t talk to you much even after we got properly acquainted.”

My eyes are about to fall out of my head because there is no way Bucky Barnes has just admitted to being intimidated by me. Not this gorgeous, sweet, well-intentioned man that crosses my mind a million times a day.

I feel a light tap on my cheek and focus back on Bucky’s concerned face, “Hey, doll, you’re doing it again. You sure you’re alright?”

“No.” My mouth can’t keep up with all the thoughts clouding over my mind. “You keep calling me doll.”

At that, Bucky’s eyes widen and he quickly releases me, “Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t even realize—”

“No, I like it.”

“Oh.”

This time, I’m the one snaking my hands up his arms and settling them behind his neck. “Bucky, I still really like you.”

He sighs in relief and brings one hand up behind my head, the other gently stroking my cheek. I wouldn’t have been able to hear his next few words if he hadn’t leaned down until our foreheads touched. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop liking you.”

“Even when I accidentally insult your traumatic past?”

I can feel the smirk growing on his face just before his lips meet mine.

[braincoins]

“Come on, it’ll be fun.”

“I don’t know...”

“Please?”

“Okay, but... in costume? You’re sure?”

“Trust me.”

Technically, Lance was here to cover it for the site. 

I love my job so much.

He was getting paid to attend the first Starlight Con, where the geeks of the city could pay honor and homage to their superhero. And he had a press pass to get him into basically any and every event he could want to attend! 

Cosplayers were everywhere, most as Starlight, but he caught a few Paladins wandering around. The dealer’s room was packed with superhero-related RPGs, CCGs, video games, and comics. 

Lance spent a good chunk of time in the artist’s alley, which was full to bursting with fanartists, fanfic writers, and a slew of fancomics. These were the hardcore fans (aside from the cosplayers), and he interviewed a few (and let them promo their stuff in return).

“Starlight does so much for this city, and she really captures the imagination!”

“I think it’s important for my daughters to see a strong black woman hero. She’s their idol - and mine, too.”

“I just think she’s super hot.” Because of course the fanboy contingent was out in spades. Lance drummed up some controversy asking their opinions on Paladin, and there was almost a literal fistfight between two fans when one said he thought Paladin and Starlight should hook up and the other said that Starlight didn’t need a man. Convention Center security was right on that, thankfully. Lance quietly decided not to publish the video he got of the fight; it’d just be embarrassing for them both, and “nerds fight over their opinions” wasn’t exactly newsworthy.

He was taking a lunch break when he saw two people stroll in wearing the best costumes he’d seen yet. They were Starlight and Paladin, of course, and they were almost immediately thronged by con-goers eager for pictures. 

The Starlight cosplayer seemed a little anxious, but her partner whispered something in her ear, then grinned and posed for the cameras. She copied him somewhat uncertainly and everyone snapped away and thanked them. Huh, first time cosplaying, maybe? Well, hers, for sure. He snapped a couple pics as they walked by and went back to eating his overpriced hot dog. Lunchtime was sacred. Hopefully he could catch up with them later.

There was a panel starting at 1 PM about the need for superheroes in this day and age. Lance got there early for some good crowd shots, recorded the whole thing, and got some interviews with the panelists afterwards. There was a police representative who gave the standard “vigilante” line, of course. One of the panelists said she was a cop but stressed that her opinions were her own and not representative of the city PD before saying that she loved Starlight and was glad she was out there, but that she didn’t want normal civilians trying to do what Starlight - and this new one, Paladin - were out there doing. “They’re... unique. Let them do the dangerous stuff. There are so many other ways of being a hero: adopting a pet from the shelter, or adopting a child from foster care! Donating time and money to a soup kitchen or homeless shelter. Taking a moment out of your day to do something nice for someone else.” Lance got every word she said... but didn’t get her number sadly. Oh well; can’t blame a guy for trying.

Coming out of the panel, he ran into the super-good cosplayers again, but they were thronged by other cosplayers asking about how they made their outfits. “Starlight” was uncomfortable with all the attention and questions; “Paladin” seemed to be enjoying himself, saying it was a “trade secret” and he could tell them but then he’d have to kill them and making everyone laugh. Lance let them be for now.

He prowled around the dealer’s room some more. There were some modern day snake oil salesmen here, of course, claiming that their smoothies or drink powders or “super foods” would make you healthy and strong just like Starlight! Lance tucked his press ID into his shirt; they’d pounce on him if they saw a chance for free advertising. He did take free samples though; most of them tasted kind of chemical-y, but there was some sort of granola crunchie thing that was actually pretty good. Might not make me a superhero, but at least it doesn’t taste like cardboard dipped in paint thinner. 

The con organizers seemed to have segregated the wackos into one area. Most of them were obvious nutjobs, but there was one, run by what looked like a high school girl, that made a pretty compelling case for Starlight being an extra-terrestrial. “It explains her gadgets!” the girl declared. “Super advanced tech, like nothing anyone’s ever seen!” She leaned close to Lance to confide, “And I think her ears are actually pointed. I mean, what point in making them look like that otherwise? It’s not like pointed ears are a necessary part of a ‘starlight’ themed aesthetic, y’know?”

“You think Starlight’s a space elf?” he asked skeptically.

She frowned as she straightened up and folded her arms. “That’s reductive. I think she’s an alien who happens to have pointed ears. ‘Space elf’ is just silly.”

“Oh, sorry, of course. Thanks for the food for thought, though.” But, it was a good point: why did Starlight want her ears to look like they were pointed?

Most people weren’t interested in looking too deep into the gift horse’s mouth. They were just happy Starlight existed and was willing to help out. There was another panel at 3 of people who had been saved by Starlight. Lance had to run and it took a flash of his press pass to get in since they’d just closed the doors.

Heh, I wonder if Shiro’ll be here. Everyone at the paper knew that Shiro’d been saved by Starlight hundreds of times, probably. He was probably her #1 Most Rescued or something.

But, alas, no sign of his colleague. Some of the “panelists” were mundane - “Starlight helped me carry my groceries” - but there were some more exciting ones. One guy had been part of a small crowd evacuated from a Planned Parenthood when a wackjob had threatened to blow it up.

“I tripped and fell and I could feel my ankle give. Probably wasn’t broken, I thought - and I was right, as it turned out - but I didn’t think I was going to hobble out of there in time. But then Starlight showed up, picked me up, and ran out of the building.

“You all probably know the rest of the story: the bomb did blow, but it didn’t have enough force to do more than knock out some windows. Made a mess of the waiting room, though. And that was where I tripped. It might have killed me, or at least injured me a lot more.”

A woman saved from her abusive partner. A group of kids who’d not only been saved in the moment from a drive-by shooting but who had thereafter dedicated themselves to making their neighborhood safer, following Starlight’s example. A teenager who said he’d never met Starlight or seen her in person, but that following her crime-fighting career gave him a reason to keep going every day despite the bullying he endured for being trans. “She’s black, like me. When she’s not wearing the mask, I bet she has to put up with bullshit all the time. But she doesn’t let it beat her down. She keeps going out there and saving people. Knowing she’s out there lets me know the world’s not as bad a place as it seems sometimes.”

Lance interviewed every single one of them afterwards, even the little old lady with the groceries. No task too small for our hero, he thought with a satisfied smile.

He was about to leave for the day - the con went all weekend, and he wanted to file the report soon so maybe more people would come tomorrow - when he came across the couple with the awesome costumes again. Last chance! He called out, “Hey, Starlight! Paladin!” and jogged up to them.

They turned towards him; Paladin smiled widely but Starlight just groaned, “Oh my god.”

“Fantastic costumes! Can I get a picture? I work for the online version of The Daily World, and you’d be a great cover image for the story!”

“Anything for one of the citizens of our fair city,” Paladin said in a deep voice. I love it when they’re in character, Lance thought. 

“This is too much,” Starlight protested, doing a spot on impression of that weird, British-y accent of hers. “In the paper? Are you kidding me?”

“Really, you’re a knockout, both of you!” Lance assured her. “Best costumes I’ve seen!”

“It’s important to have only the very best equipment when you’re fighting crime,” Paladin agreed.

“You’re loving this,” she accused him.

“I absolutely am,” he replied with a wide grin. “Come on, Starlight. It’s for the paper.”

She sighed. “Oh, very well. I suppose it will look nice.”

“You gotta pose,” he told her, striking his own ‘Valiant Defender of the City’ pose in demonstration.

“Oh, this is ridiculous.” But she did her own pose anyway.

Lance snapped a few pics. “Perfect! Fantastic! I swear if I didn’t know better, I’d think you two were really them!”

Paladin started laughing, but then Starlight grabbed his arm. “Okay, that’s it, we’re leaving.”

“Aww! We’ve only been here a few hours!”

“That’s more than enough. Besides, if we’re too tired, we won’t be having any fun tonight.”

“Fun or fun?” he asked her.

“Either.”

“Okay, we’re leaving.” He waved at Lance. “Take care, citizen!”

“You too!” Lance said with a laugh as Starlight hauled him towards the exit. He checked his photos of them, which were all excellent, of course, chuckled, and headed out as well. He had a story to write.

{The Adventures of Starlight & Paladin}