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imagineaworlds · 4 years

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I Love You (Part Thirty-Two) -- Aaron Hotchner

Written By: @desperately-bisexual

Request: None.

Warnings: SMUT!! Cursing. Unprotected sex. Wrap it before you tap it, ladies, gentlemen, and nonbinary sibs. Dom/sub relationship. Sir kink. Impregnation kink. Soft sex. Emotional sex. The reader does go by they/them pronouns, however, Hotch refers to them as female when saying “good girl”.

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Greenaway!Reader

Word Count: 12194

Timeline: A month after part thirty-one.

I sighed as I pushed all of Hotch’s work to the side just so that I could get to my desk in our office. Since getting out of the hospital about two weeks ago, Hotch had turned our home office into a conspiracy theory pit. He had so many pictures of Foyet, his victims, the crime scenes, the news clippings about The Reaper, and so on hung on the walls that I couldn’t even remember what color the walls were. About a week into this whole project of his was when he pulled out the red string. From there, our office became a maze. It was like I was goddamn Catherine Zeta Jones in Entrapment the way I was weaving through all of it.

But I couldn’t tell him to take it down. Hotch spent two weeks in the hospital, and then he had to spend another two weeks at home as he recovered from Foyet’s attack, underwent physical and psychological evaluations, and I practically made him go on bed rest the rest of the time. Because he wasn’t allowed to go back to work, he had to spend his time working on finding Foyet. I hated that I had to go to work every day without him because of that. I knew that this was eating at him, and I couldn’t stay around long enough to console him or talk him down. It was irritating both of us.

It had only been a month since we said goodbye to Haley and Jack, yet it felt like an eternity. My little man… Every day we were forced apart, I felt a piece of me die. Was that odd? Was it weird to miss someone else’s son like he was your own? Was it weird that I took Red, mine and Jack’s favorite dinosaur, with me everywhere? To the office, on cases, at home. Everywhere. It probably wasn’t as weird as when I would come home to find Hotch napping on Jack’s bed. That mattress was way too small for him. I mean, he would curl up on it as much as possible, and yet his feet would somehow still be hanging off the edge. But it was how he was coping. It was how we were both coping. And the worst part was, we were doing it separately.

In our line of work, Hotch and I had worked dozens of cases with parents that lost a child in a kidnapping or murder. The BAU didn’t just specialize in profiling the Unsubs and victimology—that was a large part of it, obviously, but there was an unspoken part of the job that always struck me during those kinds of cases. Parents mourning the loss of a child were profiled to inevitably always split up. Like the case we worked in Vegas just before Dallas, a son had been kidnapped while walking to a friend’s house, and the parents were slowly drifting apart. They blamed each other. They couldn’t bear to even look at each other. Getting them to cooperate with the investigation so that we could find their son was nearly impossible. Yet we weren’t shocked by that behavior, because that was how mourning couples were always profiled. I just never thought that it would happen to me and Hotch.

No one ever expects that they’re going to lose everything. No one anticipates having to say goodbye to their son. A month ago, we had to say goodbye to Jack, and we honestly weren’t sure if we were ever going to see him again. Foyet was playing the long game with us now. Who knew when he was going to turn up again with another clue so that we could find him? There was a chance that by the time we either caught up to him or he died, Jack wouldn’t know who we were, so there’d be no point in bringing him back. There was a chance that his life would be better off without us. And that was damn near impossible to admit.

However, I thought that Hotch and I were going to come to terms with all of this together. I thought that because we loved each other, and because we knew what the profiles said, that we would somehow work together to prove the profile wrong and work through this side by side. That was what I thought. I spent every day with him when he was in the hospital and I wasn’t on a case. Every single goddamn day. Yet, when he came home, he locked himself in his office, and he practically stopped looking at me altogether.

I would cry every night. I would get home from work, and there were times when I couldn’t even make it to the couch. I would just collapse right there in the entryway, and I wouldn’t get up until the sun started rising for another day. And Hotch never came to hold me. There were other times when I’d come home to hear him sobbing in the office, and I thought about going to console him, but he had locked the door. When I initially tried playing with the doorknob, Hotch immediately stopped crying. He sniffled then told me to go away. So, I stopped trying to go in after that. He stopped trying with me, so I inevitably stopped trying with him. One night, I even thought about moving out. I mean, we weren’t acting like a couple. We had proved the profile correct, and I knew that once that happened—statistically speaking—we were never going to get back together. But I still held on hope. I prayed that he would finally take a moment to realize that he could break down in front of me. I would be there to hold him when he needed it. Until then, there was nothing I could do.

The minute he was cleared to go back to work, Hotch took it. I didn’t think he would go back so soon. One, because of his injuries; two, because going back to work meant that he wouldn’t have all day, every day to pointlessly look for Foyet. He hadn’t found a single goddamn lead in a month, but he was still hacking at it. That was why I was shocked when he gave it up just to go back to the BAU. We even had an argument about it. The day he finally came out of the office to tell me he passed all of his exams, I cracked. I was so fucking pissed at him. He spent a month refusing to look at me, talk to me, sleep in the same bed as me, eat the fucking dining table with me—and then he had the fucking audacity to smile at me and say, “I’m going back to work tomorrow.”

I lost my shit. Truly. I looked back at him and said, “I don’t care what the Bureau says, I don’t want you going back yet. They’re not the ones who have to worry about you, Aaron!”

Hotch’s smile fell. “Drop it.”

I shook my head. “I know you lied during your psych evals. I know that you pushed yourself too hard during your physicals— I saw all the bloody gauze in the trash. So, don’t you dare fucking lie to me again like you did in Cincinnati, Aaron Hotchner—”

“I told you to fucking drop it!” he bellowed. I took a frightened step back. His face immediately softened. “Y/N— I’m sorry—”

“I’m going to Morgan’s house.” I looked at the floor. “I guess I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”

And that was how I ended up in the office upstairs, trying to get into my desk so that I could grab some old paperwork for reference on the case report I was currently working on. I was going to Morgan’s house, but that didn’t mean I was going to stop working. Once I had that stuff, I grabbed my spare go-bag from the closet, then made my way downstairs.

Hotch tried to step in my path at the bottom of the stairs, but I pushed past him. He was attempting to apologize profusely while following me around. I kept my head high and just moved to the front door as fast as I could. Since Foyet attacked him, Hotch had practically turned our house security system into something that rivaled the fucking security systems at the office. He had someone come in to put in a new alarm that was set at all times. If we weren’t home, all of the windows, doors, and motion sensors were set. If someone opened a door, broke a window, or moved within the house, about seven different alarms would start going off. When we were at home, only the doors and windows were set. But if we wanted to leave the house, we had to put a code into the alarm first; and when we were coming home, we had to put the code in as fast as possible before the alarms would be set off. So, while Hotch tried to make me stay, I reached around him to put my code in, then headed out.

“Y/N!” he shouted angrily at me again as he stormed into the yard. “Y/N, get back here!”

I flipped him off as I kept walking to my car. I wasn’t even going to take our car. We put my car, the one I had been using before I moved in with Hotch, in the garage sized shed at the back of the driveway, just against the fence to the backyard. It hadn’t been used in so long… I mean, if we needed to use separate cars, I’d dust mine off so that Hotch could have our car, but for the most part, we made it work with one car. This time, though, I was taking my car to make a point. He fucked up. This argument was bad, but it was more than that. This was the result of a month’s worth of fuck ups, and I was sick of it.

I didn’t want to leave him. I loved Hotch more than anything, and I was still convinced that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, even when things were bad like this. But I couldn’t stay. Not when I could see that he was ruining his own life for nothing. I told him in Cincinnati that I wouldn’t tolerate him fucking up his own health for selfish reasons. He promised me that he wouldn’t pull this shit again. And yet… There we were… He was fucking it all up again. And I just couldn’t take it. I couldn’t watch him slowly deteriorate. I loved him too much to do that to either of us.

“Y/N—” he banged on my window as I slowly backed out of the driveway. “I’m sorry, please. Baby… Come on… I’m sorry. Stop this. I get it— I shouldn’t have yelled— Baby— I’m sorry—” He had to stop hitting his palms against my windows as the car turned onto the road. He slammed his hands as hard as he could onto the hood of the car. “Goddammit, Y/N! Get out of the fucking car!” I stared him down because he wasn’t moving out of the way. “Stop this, baby,” he pleaded calmly. “Just come home.” I shook my head. He frowned again, his eyes glinting a slight dark red as anger overtook him again. “Get out of the car,” he demanded once more, making his way over to my car door to try and pry it open, even though it was locked. The second he wasn’t in front of the car, though, I laid my foot down on the gas and raced off.

When I got to Morgan’s house, I explained everything, and he set me up in his guest room. This wasn’t the first time I had sought asylum in his house. Since Hotch wasn’t there to comfort me, I had to turn to the only other person who could, and that was Morgan. Granted, this was the first time I was sleeping over. But still. There were plenty of afternoons when I’d detour to his house after work just to cry on his couch as he held me. If I would wake up in the middle of the night with a nightmare of finding Hotch dead on our living room floor, I’d drive over to Morgan’s house and cry on his couch until I could calm down. It was unfair to Morgan. I recognized that. He was his own man with his own life and problems, and there I was, always barging in unannounced to unload my problems. But where else was I going to go? There were times when I thought about how much I missed Elle, and I wanted her to be there for me in moments like this, but she was gone. She abandoned me… and… she wasn’t coming back, apparently. Morgan was all I had.

As it got late, and we both needed to rest, he offered to stay and sleep with me, but I told him I’d be fine. He reluctantly obeyed (not for the reason most people would assume). It was no secret that Derek Morgan was a “playa”, to put it in his terms. He liked getting into the pants of any and every girl that would give him consent, and he liked teasing Garcia in a… less than platonic way, and sometimes we would do that, too, but not really. That being said, Derek Morgan would never, ever take advantage of someone, especially when they were as vulnerable as I was that night. He only offered to sleep in the same bed as me because that was how close we were, and he was willing to comfort me if I needed it. But I knew that I needed some space and time to think, and he needed some sleep in order to be ready for work the next day. So, when I turned him down, he gave in. He kissed my temple, squeezed my shoulders in a tight side embrace, then left the room quietly, carefully closing it behind him.

When he was gone, I opened my go-bag to pull out my pajamas. Yet, when I saw what I had packed away in there, I froze. I had packed this so long ago. I grabbed the first bag I saw. I didn’t even think to check what was in it. I was so fucking stupid. Unfortunately, however, there was nothing I could do about it now. I just had to suck it up and wear them, because it was either wearing what I packed or wearing what I left the house in. Either way, I was not going back just to pick up a different pair of pajamas.

I sighed. Unenthusiastically, I stripped myself of my clothes, then changed into one of Hotch’s old college sweatshirts and a pair of his blue and gold flannel pajama pants to match. I was planning on getting him another pair for his birthday in the next few weeks because I stole his, and I felt bad because of that. Also, because I had originally stolen these and put them in my go-bag recently after the stabbing, figuring that I needed something of his with me on cases while I was gone and he was at home. I had Jack’s red dinosaur toy with me at all times, I just needed Hotch’s clothing with me, too, considering that was the extent of the attention I got from him. But now… Things were just too confusing. I was upset that I didn’t just pack my own goddamn clothes.

That being said, I still cuddled under the blankets, and I pulled the collar of the sweatshirt over my nose to keep me warm while also taking in his scent. Within the past year or so, Hotch had given up his familiar Aqua Velva scent in exchange for a cinnamon and pine. He had gone into his closet one day, pulled out all of my favorite items of his to steal, took them outside, then practically drenched them in the cologne once he knew I liked it. I didn’t know until I came home from dinner with Emily one night to find that the entire fucking house reeked of cinnamon and pine. It took a while for the neighborhood to air out, but once it did, I was left with Hotch’s scent attached to each article of clothing, and I loved it. That night, while lying in a strange bed without the love of my life beside me, I found that my only comfort was that scent. I hugged my torso and inhaled.

I knew that he was sorry. I knew that he didn’t mean for any of this to happen. And, honestly, I knew that neither of us meant for things to blow up the way they did. But now that they had, I wasn’t sure where to go from there, how to navigate all of this. We couldn’t go back to normal. Could we? I’d be the first to admit that he scared me earlier. I knew that he would never hurt me, but deep down, in the pit of my stomach, I was terrified of him. After not having his love for so long, his outburst… It took me aback. There was a moment there, when he shouted at me the first time, I saw a glimpse of that night in high school, and I heard him yelling at me for not cooperating. That was why I had to leave. It wasn’t Hotch’s fault. My mind was playing tricks on me, but I couldn’t let it ruin the one good thing I had in my life: Aaron Hotchner. I just needed some time and space.

Time. And. Space.

That was what I asked for when I arrived at Quantico the next day. Morgan and I drove in at the same time, then he met me at the elevator after we both went through security, and he asked me if I wanted back up (or a mediator) while talking to Hotch. As we stepped into the elevator, I denied his offer quietly. Upstairs, in the BAU, Reid and Emily were trying to show me pictures of Henry, JJ’s son. She had him shortly after Hotch was stabbed. And by shortly, I meant that we hadn’t even left the fucking hospital yet when she went into labor. But now she was itching to get back to work, and I was shocked. It had only been a few weeks. I thought that the human body literally couldn’t handle getting back to work that fast, but maybe she wasn’t looking to work in the field quite yet. I understood if she just wanted to sit in the office to do paperwork around Anderson or hang out in Garcia’s office for a bit. I could understand that. I just thought that she would want to spend more time with Will and Henry, but who was I to judge her? I promised I would never do that after she judged me—and, yes, it was so that I could prove that I was the better person, I wasn’t afraid to admit that.

I headed straight into Hotch’s office. I found that he was sitting on his couch, his head in his hands, an old picture of him, Jack, and Haley in his lap. As I snuck closer, I saw that he had printed a picture of me and him out, and he had it taped to the bottom corner of that picture frame. Our family. Our story. Our everything.

I cleared my throat to let him know that I was there. “Sorry, I’ll come back later.”

Hotch looked up from his hands. When he realized that I was really standing there in front of him, he threw the photos to the side and jumped to his feet. “No, wait—” He hurried over to me. “Please.”

I stopped. “Okay.”

“Baby, I am so sorry.” He wasn’t getting close enough to put a hand on me, which I silently appreciated. “I didn’t mean to yell or get worked up. I’ve just been so worried—”

“Aaron, I really didn’t come to make up.”

His posture changed to something more shy and confused. “What?”

“I’m sorry… But, I, uh… I’m just here as an employee right now.”

Hotch searched my eyes for a moment while he tried to understand what was happening. I wasn’t looking him in the eye, I wasn’t trying to impress him with anything, and I wasn’t even trying to give us privacy by closing the door. In fact, I didn’t want privacy. I didn’t want to give him a chance to try to hug or kiss me. With the blinds and door still open, he had to obey the rules we created for ourselves at work, and I could tell that it was killing him, but I was there for a specific reason, and it wasn’t because I was ready to hear his apology yet. He might have felt he was ready for it, but I wasn’t.

“Okay,” Hotch said while he nodded. He moved to take a seat at his desk. “Sit.” He gestured to the empty seats across from him. “What’s this about?”

“I’m requesting a few personal days off.”

“Why?”

“You’re not supposed to ask me that, Agent Hotchner.”

His eyes narrowed at me. “It’s my job, Agent Greenaway, to ensure that my team is okay both physically and mentally.”

“Well, I’m fine, Agent Hotchner, thank you for checking on me.”

“Stop this, Y/N. Please.”

“I can formally request this time off through Chief Strauss, if need be.”

He hesitated as his brown eyes added a red tint of anger. “That’ll not be necessary.”

“So, you’ll give it to me?”

“Only if you tell me why.”

“You know why.”

“Why?” he asked with a hiss. The tension was growing in the room.

“I just need to clear my head.”

“That’s not good enough!” he exclaimed angrily. I could see that he was holding himself back from hitting the table or swiping his papers off the desk. “What’s this really about? Is it really about our argument, Y/N? Can we please, for a minute, just stop dancing around the truth and say what we feel—”

My blood boiled over. “You’re not the only one who lost a son, Aaron!” I shouted at the top of my lungs. There was a moment where we stared at each other as we both realized what I had said. I was shaking so bad. A thought passed by me that maybe I should have stopped there, left it alone, gone home to take another breather. But I wasn’t wrong. Jack was my son, too. I lost him, too. I was hurting, too. And I needed Hotch there to hold me, but he wasn’t. So, I continued, “I was right there with you when we saw him for the last time. You aren’t the only one suffering here, Hotch. I wake up every day and I wish that I could turn the corner in our home and see him sitting at the table, eating Cheerios for breakfast. I wish that we could still take him to soccer every Saturday. And I fucking wish that I could keep spoiling him even though you tell me not to. I love your son like he’s my own, Aaron. I know he’s not mine, and I know that he never will be… but, damn it, I love you and I love him. And the fact that we’re both mourning over losing him to this asshole, and I’m trying to be there for you, but you keep pushing me away when I need you, too… That’s cruel. It’s unfair. I have never felt more alone than I have over the past month. You need to get your shit together, and I need some time to come to terms with the fact that I may never see Jack again. So, I’ll ask you again, may I please have some time off?”

He paused while staring at me. I could see a sparkle in his eyes that came from the tears welling, the apologetic and deeply sorry tears. It broke my heart to see him like that. It absolutely tore me in half to see him cry because of something I said… but what else was I supposed to do? He wanted me to tell him the truth, so I did. It hurt to do it, but it was necessary, and now that he knew just how horrible he had been, I could tell that he didn’t want to be angry anymore. Now that he understood, I realized that he just wanted to hold me and apologize until he couldn’t breathe. But I still needed time. As much as I would’ve loved to be in his arms, kissing him, telling him that I’d always love him… I needed time away to clear my head. I needed time away from him to come to terms with the loss we had.

“Where are you going to go?” he croaked.

I lied and said that I was going to stay at a hotel for a few days before returning to work; but we both clearly knew that I was staying with Morgan. I wanted to be with someone I trusted. I wanted to be with someone I loved. I didn’t want to be alone. Morgan’s house was a safe haven for me whenever I needed it, and I usually didn’t take him up on the offer, but now I was in desperate need of it.

“Okay,” Hotch gave in. “Take all the time you need. But… Y/N… I need you to know that you will always have a place here, and you will always have a place back at home with me.”

I stared at him for another second before pushing myself out of my seat. “I’ll see you in a few days, Agent Hotchner.”

After leaving Hotch’s office, I saw that the entire office was staring at me. Maybe I should’ve closed the door, in hindsight. Nothing to do about it now, though. They all heard every single word, and now they couldn’t look away from the train wreck that was Y/N Greenaway and Aaron Hotchner. I was sure that somewhere out there, wherever he was, Jason Gideon was laughing and saying: “I told you so.” No one else in the office seemed to be thinking that, especially after the screaming match I just had with our boss, but I knew that Gideon was chuckling somewhere in the world.

I started my walk of shame down the ramp. Even Rossi had come out of his office to lean against his doorframe while watching me, probably waiting for a perfect opportunity to sneak into Hotch’s office to comfort him— or maybe even talk some sense into him. I hoped that it was the latter.

A few days later, I heard the front door of Morgan’s place open up. I turned on the couch to see an exhausted Morgan throw his used go-bag onto the floor, then crash onto the empty couch space next to me. He sighed and rested his head on my lap. He had been away on a case since the day I left Hotch’s office after we argued. We had been texting since he left because he wanted to make sure I was alright and that I was taking care of Clooney, his German Shepard. I loved that dog. I thought he was adorable—and he was so well behaved. He rested at my feet on the bed every night to keep me company. It was nice to have company, even though Morgan was away and I wasn’t talking to Hotch.

“You know, I’ll leave and go to a hotel, if you want me to. I don’t mean to just… intrude on your life,” I said after giving him a moment to relax.

Morgan looked up at me upside down. “Never.” He smirked, “Unless you’re going to be living here any longer than a month, in which case, you need to start paying rent.”

I matched his smirk, “No. I just need a couple more days, I think. If that.”

He nodded understandingly. “You wanna order take out for dinner?”

“Sure.”

He did a sit up before standing on his feet and hurrying over to the house phone so that he could order dinner for us. I sighed and relaxed in Hotch’s sweatshirt. It was starting to smell less and less like him, which only made me more desperate to get home. But I liked the freedom I had been experiencing over the past few days. With the time I got to spend on my own in silence, I got to think about how much I missed my little man, while coming to terms with the fact that this was the best choice—the only choice we could make. Sending them away in order to protect them was the right thing to do. Jack was safe with Haley. They were safe under Sam’s protection. Coming to terms about that much was hard while I was around Hotch, who was only moping around all day. Now that some time had passed, I was a bit calmer about the situation, and I was just ready to get our family back. But I still needed another day or two, just for good measure. After that, I’d race to apologize profusely to Hotch, begging for him to take me back after running away like that. I felt like a bitch, okay. Maybe it was a bit overdramatic to run away, but at the time, I didn’t know what else to do. But now that the tension had sizzled out and I was clear headed about the situation, I realized how sorry I was for leaving in the first place.

When the food arrived, Morgan and I sat crisscross on the couch while facing each other and talking about whatever came to mind. At some point, casual talk turned to work talk. As it always did. I asked him to tell me about the case the team just got back from, and he told me that they had dealt with an Unsub who was drowning his victims in methanol in order to get rid of their stench. When I asked how it ended, he hesitated.

“Morgan?”

He gulped and told me that Hotch took off his vest, handed his gun to Rossi, then went inside to negotiate a peaceful surrender with the Unsub. My eyes shot wide. Why the fuck did Hotch do that? Why would he— I didn’t understand. How could he be so stupid? How could he risk his life like that? How could he risk leaving me and Jack behind? How was I supposed to live with the fact that we ended on bad terms if something were to have happened to him?

“What happened?” I asked, frightened.

Morgan pushed his food around in order to give himself a reason to not look at me. “The Unsub shot the girl, ran away, got in his cab, and we started chasing after him. Half of the city was looking for him, Y/N, yet, somehow, Hotch was the one who found him. The guy tried speeding off again to get away from Hotch, but when Hotch shot at him, he crashed into a truck, immediately killing him.”

“Is Hotch okay?” I leaned forward to express my eagerness for a positive answer. He hesitated again. “Derek Morgan, you tell me right now—”

“He’s okay, Y/N.”

I relaxed and let out a breath. “Good.”

“But…”

My eyes shot up at him. “But?”

“Strauss temporarily promoted me to Unit Chief.”

“What? Why?”

“Because Hotch isn’t fit to be in a position of power right now, sunshine. We both know that. He isn’t fit to lead a team right now.” He set his food on the table next to us. “Strauss and Rossi made the decision when we got off the plane.” He grabbed my hands. “It’s just until Hotch is back to being Hotch, honey bunches, I promise.”

I scoffed. “And how long do you think that’ll be?”

“I’m not sure. But I think that if you went back to work, it might help some.” His eyes pouted at me. “He has nothing to live for right now, Y/N. You left, Jack and Haley are gone, Foyet’s taunting him, and his ability to do this job is… being questioned. Having you around, as you are, it might remind him that he still has everything to live for.”

I understood that he couldn’t read my mind. I knew that he couldn’t’ve possibly known that I had already decided that I was going to go back to work soon, so it made sense that he felt he needed to tell me that Hotch’s best chance was going back. So, I gave in just for the sake of making Morgan feel like he did something.

“I think I’m gonna head to bed early,” I said quietly.

“What? No—Y/N, I didn’t mean to upset you or—”

“Morgan, it’s not your fault.” I set my food to the side. “I, um… Tomorrow… It’s just going to be a long day, so I should get some extra sleep.”

“Sugar, I really didn’t mean to—”

“Tomorrow is Jack’s birthday.”

He immediately fell silent, his shoulders giving out his posture when he realized he had pried too far. He apologized quietly. I opened my mouth to tell him that I didn’t care about his prying, but it got caught in my throat when a sob bubbled up a little too far. I excused myself before running to “my” room.

I crashed onto the bed. As I pulled the covers up over my body, hiding my head from the world, I grabbed my phone and opened the Photos app. The sob I was holding back finally crashed through me when I saw a picture of Hotch and Jack cuddling in the hammock in our backyard. Hotch had been laying out there after work, watching Jack play soccer. By the time dinner was ready, I went outside to collect them, only to find that Jack had given up on kicking the ball around so that he could lay on his dad’s chest. Hotch’s arms were wrapped around Jack’s entire body. They were dead asleep, probably had been for at least an hour. I couldn’t bother them when they were like that. So, I took a picture, then let them be. Finally, when it got too cold, they came inside, Jack still half asleep in his dad’s arms as he was carried upstairs to his room.

That was such a perfect night. We had dozens of nights like that, where the small, random things were taken for granted. Now that we didn’t have Jack, I wished I could go back in time. I wished that I would’ve just sat outside on the patio while drinking my wine, feeling the way my heart swelled as they snored together, the hammock rocking under them.

I reached over for Red, mine and Jack’s favorite toy, and I pulled it close to my chest. Tomorrow was going to be horrible to bear alone.

The next morning, I woke up to the sound of Morgan knocking on my door. I groaned and rolled over to check my phone for the time. That was when I realized that I hadn’t charged it all night. I went to bed around three, my eyelids too heavy from crying for so long. Since I hadn’t plugged my phone in, it was obviously dead. I groaned again. The door opened once Morgan heard me shuffling around on the bed. I hid my puffy face under the comforter while simultaneously trying to trick him into thinking that I was asleep. I felt like Jack. Jack… It was officially his birthday. I mean, I had been awake when the clock struck midnight, but this was different. The sun was out, the birds were chirping, and Morgan was telling me that he was leaving for work. It truly was Jack’s birthday now. There was no escaping it.

The mattress sank slightly as Morgan sat next to me. He put a hand on my shoulder, then leaned down to kiss the top of my head. “I’ll see you when I get home—if we’re not called away on a case.” He made a move to stand.

I grabbed his hand, revealing my red and swollen eyes. “Take it easy on Hotch today. Don’t let anyone give him a hard time. Please.”

“I’ll try.”

He kissed my forehead gently again, then silently stood and left the room, making sure to reclose the door behind him on his way out. I huffed and slumped back onto the pillows, feeling the way I sunk into the comfort of the blankets, the mattress, and the feather pillows. My relaxation didn’t last long, though, because the next thing I knew, the sound of scratching on the door disturbed me. I rolled out of bed and opened the door so that Clooney could run in. He jumped onto my bed and nuzzled his nose under the blankets. I smiled. At least I had someone to keep me busy during the day.

I was reminded of my dead phone on the bed when Clooney kicked it by accident. I plugged it in without hesitating another second. While I waited for it to charge, I played with Clooney’s long hair. He got riled up after a few seconds, deciding to playfully attempt to bite me while I waved my hand in his face. When I heard my phone chime, I booped his nose, then turned to pick it up.

Two missed calls.

I scrolled the rest of my notifications to realize that it was Emily and Anderson who had attempted to contact me. I didn’t want to hear from them, though. Anderson was probably calling on behalf of Hotch, meanwhile Emily was only going t o try to convince me to return to work sooner. I wished that I was a telepath so I could just tell everyone what I was thinking, that way they would leave me alone. I was planning on going back to work soon. I had been over it a hundred times in my head. But if people kept bothering me about it, I was just going to be more reluctant about it.

An hour later, my phone started buzzing again. I pet Clooney as he shuffled onto my lap. My phone just kept buzzing, however, as another call came through. I cursed under my breath, then stretched to pick it up, recognizing the photo and the name flashing on the screen almost immediately. I waited a second. Morgan must have talked to him. After seeing me glued to the bed, left to nothing but a puddle of tears, Morgan probably went straight to Hotch, told him that I was suffering today, and Hotch decided to finally call me after all this time.

I answered.

Silence echoed throughout my room as I waited for something to happen. Even Clooney stilled. It had been so long, I wasn’t sure who should speak first, or if I should even speak at all. I was terrified of saying the wrong thing. After how things ended between us the last time we saw each other, I knew that what I said was wrong. I didn’t want to make the same mistakes. I didn’t want to push him away further than he already was.

And then it happened.

“Hey,” I heard his voice for the first time in about a week.

I nearly melted. “Hey,” I whispered back.

“Are you okay?”

I nodded, though he couldn’t see me. “I’m fine. Are you?”

He hesitated before changing the subject. “I know that I’m not supposed to be calling—”

“It’s okay.”

Hotch hesitated another second. “It’s, um,” he cleared his throat, “it’s Jack’s birthday today.”

“I didn’t forget.”

Of course, I didn’t. How could I when our dinosaur had been sitting on my bed all day, staring at me, and I broke down every time I glanced at it. Jack had been so excited to spend his birthday with us. He was going to have a party at Chuck-E-Cheese with his friends, as disgusting as it was. We were going to get Spider-Man and Superman balloons, superhero themed paper plates, cups, and silverware. I was going to buy a set of Spider-Man walkie talkies for him and his dad to use, or maybe one of those Bat Signal toys so that he could flash it up at the sky whenever he was thinking of us when we were at work. I had all of these ideas to make that day special for him, but George Foyet took that all away. There were going to be no pictures of Jack blowing out his birthday candles, or opening his gifts, or hugging his dad after we wished him a happy birthday. There were going to be no memories of him running around Chuck-E-Cheese with his friends, bragging about how many tickets he got, and Hotch telling him that he was proud. There were going to be no conversations of me trying to convince him to get one prize or another. And there wasn’t going to be a single argument between me and Hotch about me spoiling Jack too damn much. That happiness left when Foyet practically stole him away from us.

“When are you coming home, Y/N? I know I shouldn’t ask, but…”

“I thought about coming home tomorrow, actually.”

“Can I see you before then?”

“Aaron, I…”

“Sam called to tell me that he had to move Haley and Jack again. Apparently, she’s been calling her dad and Jessica.”

I sighed and hid my face in my left palm. This day was already hard enough, but to just keep digging at the hole in my heart wasn’t helping. I thought that, of all people, Haley would do anything to protect Jack. George Foyet was a psychopath with a mission. Why would she risk Jack’s safety just to call her Roy and sister when Sam had told her a thousand times that she couldn’t be in contact with anyone until we found Foyet.

“Are they okay?” I asked.

“They're fine. Sam sent me a video of Jack playing on the swings this morning. He looks… happy.”

“He—” I hesitated to think about it. We hadn’t heard Jack’s voice in so long… We hadn’t seen his bright face in what felt like forever. We hadn’t gotten to hear his laugh since the day Foyet took him from us. A tear slid down my cheek as I considered it. “Could you hear him? See him?”

“Yeah,” Hotch said quietly. “It’s fuzzy, and it’s at a distance, but he says your name. He says he misses you.” Another tear escaped me. “I’d like to show it to you… You don’t have to stay long, just come into the office for a bit. I… I really just…” He cleared his throat again, trying to hold back an obvious sob building in his throat. “I need to hold you. Just for a bit today. I need it really bad, Y/N.”

A tear slid down my cheek. I needed him, too. No matter how mad I was with him, no matter how upset he made me after our blow up, there was only one thing that could make this day somewhat bearable. It was the same thing that Hotch needed. Being in his arms was the only thing that could ever really comfort me nowadays, and I thought earlier about how I needed him to hold me to make the day easier. I thought that he wouldn’t want to see me. After how things ended the last time we saw each other, I thought he would never want to see me again. I had said some pretty hurtful things. Though I meant them, it didn’t erase that they probably stung him to hear.

“I need you, too,” I whispered.

I heard him let out a quiet cry. “Come home to me, baby. Please.”

“I’m coming.” I stood from the bed and raced to grab my purse. “I’m coming, baby.”

His voice perked up, “I love you so much.”

I changed before driving to the office. I had been stuck in Hotch’s pajamas for days, which wasn’t exactly… attractive, and I definitely didn’t smell good. Maybe that was why Clooney was so fond of me. Changing was also important because I was heading to my place of work. I wasn’t going to be a visitor there. I couldn’t exactly show up in a sweatshirt and pajama pants. So, I used what I had in my go-bag to look work-ready, then I headed off to the office.

The parking lot security didn’t recognize my vehicle since I was arriving in my old one. The fact that they didn’t recognize it only prolonged my wait to see Hotch again. They had to check my credentials, then give me a new parking pass for the car—and the whole thing was just a fucking mess. But the second they let me past the barricade, I sped towards the closest parking spot I could find to the building, parked, then ran inside. Security welcomed me with smiles and innocent questions, just like they always did. They were an awesome group of people that were absolutely underappreciated by the agents in our building. There were times when they told me that Garcia and I were two of the only people who ever even acknowledged them, let alone took time out of our days to get to know them. As always, I told them that it was my pleasure, but the second the niceties were over, I ran to the elevator down the hall.

As the elevator opened to reveal the sixth floor, I squeezed through the doors. Garcia was walking out of the BAU, a fresh cup of coffee in her hand. She froze when she saw me, a smile lighting up her face, and I tried smiling back as much as I could even though all of my energy was focused on getting to Hotch. She must have realized what was going on because she held the glass door open for me. I thanked her as I snaked by.

Everyone in the bullpen stopped and turned when Reid spotted me first. I smiled and waved as I kept my head down and maintained my clear path up the ramp, leading towards Hotch’s office. Emily tried calling out my name, but Morgan hushed her and I kept moving. It was nothing against her, but I was there for a singular purpose: Aaron Hotchner.

“Hi,” I said, stumbling into his office. I was so out of breath from running there. I was panting behind my forced smile.

Hotch looked up from the files on his desk. “Hi.”

“I want to see him. I want to see my little man.” My eyes were already watering up, a desperate plea for Hotch’s help to ease my breaking heart. “Please.”

“Close the blinds and lock the door.”

I nodded and turned to do so. Because Hotch and I technically weren’t supposed to have any kind of contact with Haley and Jack, no one else could see the video we were sent. If WITSEC changed their appearance and someone saw, it could put them in danger. If there was anything revealing in that video about where they had been before they were moved because Haley had been in contact with her dad, then it could put them in danger. Hotch and I couldn’t take that risk.

When I was done, I sat down in one of the empty seats across from Hotch. He turned his computer so that it was facing down the width of the desk, giving Hotch and I equal opportunity to see the screen and the video that was queued up. Even while the video was paused, I could see Jack on the swings, his legs kicked out since he had just gotten enough momentum to move forwards, and he was about to go flying back. I grabbed Hotch’s hand from the spacebar, tangling my fingers with his. Both of our breaths hitched.

“Are you sure—”

I nodded. “Do it.”

Hotch pressed the spacebar, then flipped his hand over so that he could hold my hand better. The video began. Jack started swinging back, his legs tucked under the seat. He was laughing. He was laughing, and kicking, and he looked like he was having so much fun. Haley pushed him forward again. He giggled and gave a “whoo” as he flew through the air again.

“It’s time!” Sam called from behind the camera.

Haley looked over with worry since Jack couldn’t see her. He was still having the time of his life, despite the fact that Sam and Haley were both telling him that it was time to get off the swings so that they could leave. Jack dragged his sneakers on the dirt beneath him to slow his momentum. After a few light, useless swings, Jack came to a stop, so he could safely jump off. Haley took his hand. He smiled up at her before he started skipping alongside her on their way to meet Sam at the car in the parking lot.

“Can we see Dad and Y/N now?” Jack asked.

I let out a sob, my face falling carefully against the desk. Hotch reached out to pet my hair back comfortingly, helping me through each of the tears that slid down my cheeks and every single whine that left my throat.

“No, baby, we’re not going home yet,” Haley said.

“But I want to see Y/N!” he complained. “I miss them.”

I tilted my head so that my cheek was pressed against the cold wood of the desk, but also so that I could glue my gaze back to the screen.

“I know, Jack,” she said while picking him up. “But we have to go somewhere else for our trip. Aren’t you excited?”

“Where are we going?”

The was when the video cut out.

“No, wait—” I gasped, sitting up straight. “There has to be more. That can’t be it.”

“That’s all of it, baby,” Hotch said apologetically.

“Play it again.”

Hotch did so. The video started replaying, Jack’s laugh echoing throughout the room. And then it was over faster than it was the first time, somehow. I sighed and let my head fall against the desk again.

“Come on, baby, don’t do that,” Hotch begged.

“I’m so sorry, Aaron. You have no idea how sorry I am.”

“No. I’m sorry. It’s all my fault.”

“It’s not—”

“It all goes back to that night in the hotel, Y/N. If I would’ve just taken the deal, none of this would be happening to us.”

“Stop,” I insisted while sitting up and sniffling. “I don’t blame you.”

He handed me a tissue from the box next to his elbow. “I’m sorry for being an asshole. I was blinded by hatred for Foyet and the need for revenge that I didn’t see how much of a douchebag I was being while you were suffering, too. It was insensitive of me, baby, and I’m so sorry. I hope you can forgive me.”

I dodged his apology after a moment of silence. “Are you okay?” I asked. “You know… with missing Jack’s birthday for the first time?”

Hotch had never missed mine, Jack, or Haley’s birthdays before. There were times when we had to miss other holidays, but never a birthday. Ever. That was a day special to that person, and Hotch always wanted to celebrate it with them. When it came to Jack, that urge was even stronger. Jack was apart of this world because of Hotch. He stayed by Haley’s side for hours as she endured labor, and from that pain, they gained a little sunshine, a little miracle of their own. He wouldn’t have missed Jack’s birthday for the world. It was a memory of the good times, and a reminder that Hotch had a reason to live. He had a son. He wanted to celebrate that day every single year. But this time… There was no one to celebrate with, and it was noticeable.

He shook his head. “No. But that’s why I called you. I had to see you again and make things right.” We both took a deep breath, clearing away our tears and our overwhelming emotions. Hotch stood from his seat and slowly walked around his desk, taking a knee beside my chair. “I am sorry, Y/N. I don’t think I’ll ever stop apologizing for what I did. I shouldn’t have yelled at you, and I shouldn’t have chased after you like that. I know I scared you, and I’m sorry. You know that I would never lay a hand on you, right?”

I nodded. “Of course.”

“I’m going to spend the rest of my life making this up to you, Y/N, I just know it.” He took my hand in his. “I could make excuses all day—like how I was just frustrated about how our family is falling apart, and I’m upset the Foyet took the time to specifically go through our house in order to search for the one thing he knew would hurt most to steal… the ring I was going to give you.”

When Hotch and I first met Foyet, we thought that he was just another victim of The Reaper—that he was one of the lucky ones that got away. We were convinced because he distracted us with the one thing that meant everything to us: love. He begged me to not let The Reaper put Amanda’s engagement ring on his next victim. He cried about how he didn’t want that good memory to be ruined by The Reaper. In the end, though, The Reaper put the ring on one of his next victims, and I felt horrible about having broken my promise to Foyet… Only to find out that it was all a lie. It was a facade in order to fuck with us. I didn’t appreciate it. None of us did. He made it personal, and we were all pissed. But what upset me the most was the fact that he knew that using the detail of the engagement ring against me and Hotch would work. That was also how and why he knew to go straight for ours the night he stabbed Hotch.

Now, all I could do was hope and pray that he wouldn’t get the chance to put that ring on anyone’s body. I wanted that ring to be mine. I wanted Hotch to be down on one knee, as he was just then while apologizing to me, and I wanted him to slide that ring onto my finger as I told him: “Yes, I’ll marry you, Aaron Hotchner!” It was my dream. I wanted to call Aaron Hotchner my husband. And I wanted it to be that very ring that he went out of his way to buy after I babied him all the way home from Cincinnati. I wanted to be his. It actually didn’t matter which ring I ended up wearing—or even if I would have one at all. I just wanted to be his, and only his. Getting the ring back was just an added bonus because it came with a free side of “Fuck you, George Foyet”, accompanied with a middle finger.

“I could make those excuses,” he continued, “and I want to… But I won’t. I take full responsibility for my actions. I recognize that what I did was wrong. I shouldn’t have shut you out. I shouldn’t have abandoned you. And I definitely shouldn’t have snapped at you when all you were doing was trying to help me and knock some sense into me.”

“I don’t want you to spend the rest of our lives apologizing, Aaron. I already forgive you. I just want you to spend every second of every day loving me unconditionally. Holding me like this…” I released his hands so that I could grab his face. He grabbed mine, too. “Kissing me like this…” I pressed my lips against his gingerly. “Telling me you love me…”

“I love you…” he whispered.

“It’s music to my ears,” I said, leaning my forehead against his.

Hotch hands snaked under my hips so that he could grab my ass, then lift me out of my seat. I flung my arms around his neck to make sure I wouldn’t fall out of his hold. When he had me out of my chair, I crossed my legs around his waist, feeling his erection pressing against me through both of our pants. We moaned simultaneously. Next thing I knew, to make sure he wouldn’t drop me, Hotch set me down on the edge of his desk.

“Are you—” he tried asking before I cut him off with another kiss. He pulled away. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“What about the rules?”

“Fuck the rules. Aaron, I need this,” I said desperately, rather than seductively.

Of course, I needed him, but I mainly needed the idea of fucking him—of finally sharing that connection with him again after so long of not being anywhere near him. I needed the physical reminder that we loved each other. I didn’t doubt our love or passion, but that didn’t erase the feeling I had growing in the pit of my stomach, and it certainly didn’t make me forget just how wet I was for him already.

“We don’t have to if you’re not ready yet, or if our emotions are too fried—”

“Are you not sure?”

He stared at me for a moment. “I’ve never been more sure in my life.”

I leaned up to kiss him again. “Then, fuck me, Sir.”

Hotch’s lips crashed passionately against mine, his tongue immediately sliding into my mouth, claiming the dominance I loved so much. I grinded my hips against his. He moaned in response, bucking his hips forward, too. My palms dragged down his neck, gliding over his purple button up dress shirt, making their way slowly down to his belt. As my fingers fiddled with the metal clasp, Hotch leaned against me so that he could clear the space on his desk behind me before pushing my back down. I got his buckle undone just in time. Hotch finished the rest of it. He eagerly unbuttoned his pants, then pushed down his zipper. As he stepped out of his pants, I fidgeted with the waistband of mine, waiting for the perfect opportunity to push them down to my ankles. Hotch caught the hint before I could get very far. He yanked my pants and panties down with one fowl swoop, leaving me completely exposed to him.

“Fuck—” I wiggled my hips around to gesture for more. Hotch ran his left pointer finger up my slit, starting at my dripping entrance, working his way up slowly to my throbbing clit. I jerked around when he circled it. “Sir…”

“I don’t want manners right now, Y/N. I just want you.” He cupped my cheeks with his palms so that he could hold me still before kissing me as roughly as he could. “You have to be quiet.”

“I know.”

He nodded. “Okay.” He reached between us in order to push his boxers down to his ankles. “Hold onto me. Please.”

I obeyed, bracing my hands on his shoulders. As he lined his tip up with my entrance, I bit my lip to bar myself from moaning his name as loud as I could. Instead, I opted to whimper, “I want you inside me—” I gasped and let my body fall limp against the desk as he pushed into me slowly. “Aaron…”

“You’re so tight, baby girl. Always so tight and wet for me.” He threw his head back while snapping his hips back, then forward as roughly as he had the strength for.

I saw his muscles tightened under his shirt, and that was when a thought struck me. “You have another shirt in your go-bag, right?”

Hotch thrusted into me again before he realized what it was that I had asked him. He paused. “Why?” I didn’t answer. “Yeah, I have another—” I grabbed onto the seam of buttons lining his chest, and then I yanked them apart. Hotch groaned, thrusting into me as I did so. I screwed my eyes shut and threw my head back in euphoria before I could even get a look at Hotch, like I wanted. “Fuck, baby girl…” He gripped my hips harder. I looked up at him with a smirk, excited to finally see him, but then I froze. Hotch noticed how my face well. “What is it?” he asked as he slowed then stopped.

“Aaron,” I hesitated, my fingers hovering only millimeters from his chest. He stopped to follow my gaze, quickly realizing that this was the first time that I was laying my eyes on his scars. Foyet did that to him… I wanted to cry. “I could have lost you…”

“Look at me,” he whispered as he grabbed my chin between his fingers. My eyes fluttered as I looked up at him through my lashes and foggy eyes. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Ever. I promise.”

I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him closer, feeling him move inside me as he leaned over me. For the first time, I finally felt my hands touch his scars, running over the bumps and cuts. The stitches had been gone for a while, but I could still feel the irritation. I never knew that it was this bad. How was I supposed to know when he had been working tirelessly towards making sure I never found out?

“I love you,” I croaked, letting him pull me in for a kiss.

He thrust his hips forward at a gentle, loving pace. “I love you, too.”

I grabbed onto his shoulders, my fingers digging into his back slightly. With that silent encouragement, Hotch’s hands took ahold of my hips and he started fucking me roughly. I moaned against his collarbone, my legs falling off of him so that he could increase his pace without being held back by me. I propped my feet on the edge of his desk, and my back fell against the wood entirely. Hotch’s hands moved upwards, stopping just on my breasts. He cupped, massaged, and squeezed them as he continued to fuck me as hard as he could. My hands fell from his shoulders, and I ran my fingers over his scars again. I used to be so obsessed with his chest and how he flexed when he’d fuck me like this, but now, I was so scared of looking or touching because I didn’t want to hurt him. I knew that he wasn’t fragile, especially with the strength of every pump he was giving me, but I was still hesitant. I felt like with one wrong move, he could fall apart, and maybe it would be all my fault.

“I can’t lose you,” I whispered, moving to press my palm against his face.

He leaned down and kissed me. I moaned into his mouth as he gave me another passionate thrust that said: “I’m here, my love, and I’m not going anywhere.” I scratched at his back. I couldn’t do anything but quietly moan and whimper. If we were any louder, the whole office would know, and we couldn’t have that. This first time since he was stabbed was imperative to calming our worries and helping us forget our pain… but the team didn’t need to know any of it. There would be another time soon when Hotch and I would be alone, and I’d finally get to moan his name as loud as I wanted while also gasping between saying “I love you” a thousand times. But this… This needed to be quiet. It was passionate, of course, but it had to be quiet, much to my despair.

“I’m close,” he warned. “I’m so fucking close.”

I pulled him towards me so that our chests were pressed together. He hid his face in the crook of my neck, finally letting out a muffled groan. His hips were doing all of the work now, so I started grinding up to help him. That only seemed to encourage his orgasm, because the next thing I knew, his hand snaked between our bodies so that he could press his thumb against my clit.

I hid my face in his shoulder so that my moan would be muffled, too. “Aaron…” I let out a shaky breath. “Aaron, please. Cum in me…” I needed him to fill me. I needed that instinctual reminder that I was his and he was mine. I needed a part of him to carry around for a bit to remember that he was alive and that he was there with me. “Fuck—” My body gave out. I was shaking and panting as my orgasm crashed through me like a wave. As my walls pulsed around him, Hotch groaned into my neck again. My tightness pushed him over the edge, milking out everything he had to offer me.

“Y/N…” he growled in my ear, thrusting into me once more with such a fierceness that I knew I was going to be sore in just a few minutes. “I love you.” I heard how the words got caught in his throat. I heard how he was holding something back. I knew what it sounded like when he was trying not to cry. So, I lifted his head off me. “I love you,” he repeated, moving to kiss me before I could register just how red his eyes were.

I melted into his kiss again, my body relaxing after my overwhelming climax. It was only when I felt one of his tears hit my cheek that I knew he wasn’t okay. I whimpered sadly. All I could do was hold him close, tangling my fingers through his hair, kissing his lips again and again, feeling him soften inside of me. It was like that time we drove back from Cincinnati, and we couldn’t do anything but be grateful for each other. I couldn’t bear to lose him. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could face seeing him like this. Broken, beaten, bruised, wincing in pain. If it happened again, I didn’t know how I was going to survive.

“Does it still hurt?” I asked, referencing his scars. Hotch groaned as he pulled out of me slowly. He reached into his go-bag under his desk, grabbing a dark blue towel to clean me up with. Silently, he wiped my thighs and everywhere between. “Aaron.” He didn’t look at me. My heart sank in my chest at the realization. “They still hurt, don’t they?” Silence still. “Answer me, baby.”

“I don’t…” He gulped back tears. “I don’t know what to say.”

I sat up on the desk to get a better look at him while he hid the towel away, then stood up straight in order to change shirts. I wanted to apologize for ripping the purple one open. But I found that I couldn’t move or speak. He was stretching to pull the sleeves off, wincing as he did so, then he grabbed the red shirt from his go-bag, and started to carefully put it on.

“Come here,” I said, beckoning him closer with one finger. He sighed and stepped towards me. I started buttoning his shirt up for him. “You should’ve told me sooner.”

“I know.”

“We promised to never lie to each other.”

“I know.”

“So, then, why?”

His lip quivered and his eyes reddened. “Because I didn’t want to lose you, too... Turns out closing myself off in order to protect you only ruined everything.”

I finished buttoning his shirt. “I thought you learned that lesson when you first asked me out.”

Back then, when I first joined the team, Hotch entirely ignored me in order to protect me from his feelings. He didn’t think it was appropriate to let me know that he was in love with me. He thought that pushing me away was the only way to save me from him. What he failed to realize was that his decisions only worried me. I became obsessed with his change in behavior. Finally, I broke after Elle’s hostage situation in Texas, so I confronted him. That evening, we admitted that we had feelings for each other, and he took me out to dinner. The rest was history. But that was exactly why we didn’t keep secrets from each other, and we didn’t push each other away. I needed him to comfort me ever since Foyet attacked me— Actually, I wanted to comfort him. Bur he never gave me the chance. He pushed me away again, and it tore me down to nothing.

“I told you I’m sorry.”

I got off the desk and collected my panties and pants at the same time he grabbed his boxers and pants. We finished getting dressed simultaneously. As I hopped and shimmied into my pants, I looked at Hotch. “Can we start over? Pretend like the past month never happened?”

“And do what?” he asked while fixing his tie.

“Be us.”

His gaze snapped to meet mine. “I’d love that.”

“You can’t hide up in your office all day, and you can’t shut me out… You can’t keep sleeping in Jack’s room… You have to talk to me.”

He shuffled on the balls of his feet.

“Fine, you don’t have to talk to me, but you have to start going to therapy again.”

“It’s a waste of time and money, Y/N.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“I’m not going to sit on a couch and tell some stranger that I miss my son so much I can’t breathe! I’m not going to tell them that I think about how I snapped at you and it almost makes me wish Foyet killed me—”

“Don’t fucking say that,” I hissed. “Ever.”

“You wanted me to talk to you, right? Well, that’s how I feel.”

I inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to diffuse the tension building in my chest and shoulders. We had just made up; I didn’t want to start arguing with him again. “Okay… Like I said, you don’t have to talk to me… But at least try one more session. You stopped going after we lost Jack and Haley, and I think that’s a big part of why things blew up the way they did. Just one. For me. If you don’t like it, then I won’t make you go again. I think you’ll find it’s helpful, though.”

Hotch sighed, too. “Just one.”

“Just one,” I agreed while nodding.

“Okay.”

I jumped onto my toes and kissed him. “I love you.”

Before he could say it back, there was a knock at the door. Hotch and I parted, fixing ourselves again as quickly as possible, and I returned to my seat at his desk while he went to go unlock the door. When I was settled, I gave Hotch a nod. It looked like nothing had happened between the two of us now, except for the fact that Hotch was wearing a different shirt, but hopefully no one would notice… right…

“Sorry to interrupt,” Rossi apologized from the other side of the door, “but we’ve got a new case.”

I stood from my seat and started walking towards the door to make my way to the boardroom. Hotch stopped me. He looked at Rossi, then asked if we could have another moment alone before closing the door on him. I rolled my eyes at Hotch.

“Don’t do that,” he begged, grabbing my hips in his hands. “Just sit out for one more case. That’s all. One more to collect your thoughts and get settled back in at the house.”

My hands slid around the back of his neck so that my fingers could pull at the ends of his hair gently. He moaned. I smiled and jumped up onto my toes so that I could kiss him. “I love you, Aaron Hotchner. I always have and I always will.”

He let out a breath, letting relief wash over him. “Say it again.”

“I love you. I love you so much. I’ll never stop loving you.”

He pulled me in for another desperate, passionate kiss that kept me pressed against him until I couldn’t breathe. When his lungs gave out, too, he parted from me. “I love you, too.” And then he raced off to be a superhero again.

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criminal minds family: @peggy1999 @gorgeousdarkangel @alex--awesome--22 @oceaneblu @brithedemonspawn @absolutemarveltrash @bshelley322

#Criminal Minds #criminal minds fanfic #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine #aaron hotchner #Aaron Hotch Hotchner #aaron hotchner fanfic #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner imagines #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner smut

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jawritter · 4 years

Text

The Arrangement

Part 15

Summery: You are a young girl that was raised in a small church in Dallas, TX. One of the only churches left in the state that still practices arranged marriages. When your betrothed ran off to California you thought you'd escape the fate you were trained for ever since a small child. Now upon the death your parents your fate seemed to be inescapable as he's returned, and is ready to take you as his bride.

Book Warnings: Arranged marriage, loss of virginity, smut, unprotected sex, angst, language, suicide attempt, battles with anxiety, struggles with mental illness, age gap (about 11 years), I think that’s it, chapters will have warnings of their own!

Chapter Warnings: First Christmas after the death of parents, angst, dealing with children from pervious marriage, some fluff there too, and think that’s all.

Word Count: 2316

A/N: This book is a book about Christian and church based arranged marriages, I would like to take this moment to say that I DO NOT have ANYTHING against the Chirstian faith, and mean absolutely no harm to anyone! Especially Jensen’s family! This is a complete work of fiction, and should be treated as such!

Beta’d by the amazing @deanwanddamons who was awesome enough to do all this for me! It was a lot of work, and she deserves all the praise for it!!

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Want More? Check Out My Masterlist!!

***MASTERLIST***

***SERIES MASTERLIST***

Sitting quietly at the bar in the kitchen you look around the dimly lit room. The sun wasn’t quite past the trees yet. It was still very early in the morning. The house was still and quiet. Jensen was still sleeping soundly in the room the two of you shared. Your coffee cup was steaming, sitting in front of you, virtually untouched. Your mind was wandering over everything that had happened to you since your parents had passed away. Since you married Jensen.

He'd done a lot to make things better for the two of you. He'd even set some ground rules for your marriage.

The first being never to go to bed angry with one another. That one proved to be harder than it first appeared it would be. Because let's be honest, if you live together, no matter how much you care about each other and love each other, you are going to get on each other's nerves.

The two of you hadn't had a fight since you returned from the hospital. Which was a relief in a way, and worrisome in another. It made you wonder if he was walking lightly around you on purpose. Then there was a part of you that said there was nothing to fight over. So you should just be grateful for that.

You had gotten into little disagreements, but they were always diffused quickly. Like arguing over what show to watch, or what to have for supper. Nothing out there, or too heavy.

You still had the battle of your mind, and you guessed that you always would, but it had gotten a lot easier to manage and deal with. You couldn't help but feel like a child around Jensen, even though you had gotten control over your emotions a little more, and a better grip on your depression.

He'd seen the world for Christ sake. You had never left the state of Texas.

He'd seen and done so much in his life. You can make a lasagna.

So many people loved him and knew his name. Only about four people even knew you were his wife and that you existed.

Jensen said he was just trying to protect you from the evil that lurks through social media, but you didn't really care about what people that didn't even know you thought. You didn't want to fight with him, and he didn't want to fight with you. So you just didn't bring it up anymore.

Walking up behind you, Jensen placed a kiss to the side of your cheek, making you jump in your seat, causing him to giggle at you. You loved it when he made that sound.

"Morning babe."

"Morning." you mumble, rubbing your face, trying to wake up a little more. Even though you'd been awake for hours you felt like you were still partially asleep.

"What are you doing up so early?" you asked him, letting him wrap his arms around you and pull you close to his chest.

"Woke up and you weren't in bed, so I got up because I couldn't go back to sleep. Why are you up so early?"

"Just couldn't sleep. I'll come back to bed if you want me to."

Jensen stopped you from standing up. Wrapping his arms around your waist as tight as he could.

"That's okay, we're already both up, and I want some coffee now." he said with a laugh. "How about you and me go pick out a christmas tree today. It is December now." he said, nuzzling himself into you close if that was possible.

You didn't know why he was being so clingy this morning. Sure he’d always had a hand on you in some way, but he hadn’t “touched” you since you got out of the hospital.You tried not to let it bother you, but it was .

"Why do you want to put up a tree? Are your kids coming?" you asked, turning to look up at him. He looked tired, stressed, even though he tried to cover it up and hide it.

"No, no not this time, I just wanted to do it for us." he fell silent, and you didn't want to disappoint him. You could almost feel the tension in the room surrounding it. "If you don't want to do it that's okay." he finally said, putting his face into your neck, hiding his expression from you.

"NO! No we can put up a tree, I just thought maybe you were going to get to see your kids. I'm sorry they don't get to come. I know it's been a long time since you saw them. I didn’t mean to upset you."

Looking up, he put his hand on the side of your face, and pulled you closer to him, brushing his lips lightly over yours before placing a soft, gentle kiss on your lips, pulling away way too soon for your liking.

"I'll be fine baby. We need this time together. We need to get to know each other." Nuzzling himself back into you, you both just sat there in the dark for God knows how long before you finally pulled away from him.

"Let me fix some breakfast for us before we get ready to go. I'm starving."

Standing at the stove cooking breakfast while Jensen sat at the bar, typing away on his laptop, you wondered if you were missing something, and you should have been paying him more attention.

He spent so much time looking after you, making sure you were okay, you had totally missed it until this morning. He hadn’t seen his kids in months. The holidays were coming, and this would be his first Christmas without them.

Was he struggling? Was that why he wanted to put up a tree?

Kicking yourself for not paying attention when you should have been, you placed his food down in front of him, then wrapped your arms around him tightly. You made a promise in that moment that you were going to be more observant when it came to him. Not everyone could be strong all the time.

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Three hours later Jensen was pulling the car up to the local Christmas tree farm just outside of town. You realized you'd never been to one of these before. Your parents had a small fake tree they would put up every year, but that was always as far as it went. They never really went all out for the holidays.

Grabbing your hand as the two of you walked through the trees, Jensen was quiet, watching your every move. The sights and smells of the place were so peaceful.

The cool crisp Austin, Texas air, the sunlight that seemed to shine at just a little dimmer light during the winter months, children running and playing through the rows of trees. Everyone seemed so light. In such a good mood.

After an hour or so of walking around Jensen settled on what tree he wanted. The man was meticulous in everything he seemed to do, but you could tell he was becoming a lot less tense than he’d been all morning, acting like he was actually excited about the tree. You were both standing, waiting on the tree to be wrapped and loaded when you heard a tiny little voice running toward the two of you.

"Daddy!!!"

Jensen turned on the spot, hit knees and grabbed the child that was running toward him. You knew she was his. She favored him so much. Long blonde hair flowing down her back. Then the twins quickly joined in. You took a step back, giving them their space. These kids didn't know you, and you didn't want them to ask Jensen a bunch of questions and get confused by your presence.

Looking up from the scene in front of you, you saw Danneel, standing far off,watching the four of them like an attack dog, ready to pounce if you made the wrong move. The man that was with her was starting to make his way over to Jensen and the children. Jensen noticed him to, and stood slowly with his son still in his arms wrapped up around his neck.

"Steve." Jensen said shortly, the man just nodded. Not saying anything at first. You wanted to run and hide. You felt so uncomfortable. You didn't know what to do with yourself.

"Is this your wife?" the man Jensen called Steve asked, looking over at you.

You could only guess that you looked as horrified as you felt. Jensen stood to his feet, and moved closer to you.

"Yes."

Jensen was staring the man down like it was taking all his restraint to not strangle him to death. Steve approached you slowly, and stuck out his hand for you to shake, which you did, figuring that it was best to be civil for the sake of the children that were present. They were still holding onto their father, watching the three adults with curious glances.

"Well.. I'm sorry Jensen, but we brought them up here to pick out a christmas tree, and I need to get them back over to their mother before she gets mad at me." he said, giving Jensen an almost apologetic look before turning to look at Danneel over his shoulder.

Jensen said nothing, just nodded at the man standing in front of him before kneeling and hugging each child as tight as he could manage before Steve started to gather them from him.

Judging by Steve’s body language, he didn’t really want to take the kids away from Jensen.

"When will we get to see you again?" the oldest child asked him. Jensen looked like if he would have been sat on fire, he would have been in less pain than he was right then.

You had known that not having his children was hard on him. You didn't realize that it hurt him this much though until you saw it with your own eyes, and it broke your heart. He never told you, he never let on that he was hurting just as much as you were.You felt like you failed him.

"Soon, okay I promise." was all he could tell her before Steve took her hand. Steve looked between Jensen and the children, guilt evident on his face.

"What about Easter... I think I can talk her into Easter. We're going on a trip, and need someone to watch the kids for the week."

Jensen nodded his head, and cleared his throat trying to find his voice.

"Easter sounds great. I'll give you a call when it gets close to time."

With that Steve nodded and walked the kids back toward their mother. Arrow was still pulling against Steve somewhat, reaching back at Jensen.

The tree was loaded quickly for the two of you after that. Jensen got into the car and closed the door. Taking a deep breath you reached out for him, and grabbed his hand in yours. He gave you a small smile, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"I'm sorry Jensen. I wish there was something I could do..."

Jensen just shook his head. Taking another deep breath and squeezing your hand.

"There's really nothing I can do until we go to court. Until then I just have to deal. No matter how unfair it is..."

Starting the car, he backed out and headed toward a local craft store to pick out decorations.

“I haven’t been completely honest with you this morning.” Jensen said, his eyes locked on the road in front of him. “I knew they’d be there today, that’s why I wanted to come pick out a tree.That, and I couldn’t stand not having something in the house, even though my kids won't be there to see it. I knew If I was lucky, I’d get to see them today for a few minutes.”

You wanted to hug him, and just hold him until he felt better. Even though you knew that there was nothing you could do really.

“I wish there was something I could.”

Jensen gave you a tight smile, bringing his lips to the back of your hand. “It’s okay sweetheart, I’ll get her to court soon enough, then our family can be whole.”

He seemed to have pulled himself back together by the time you got to the store, and was back to smiling and picking out everything.

When the two of you pulled up to the house it was late, and cold, but Jensen was determined to decorate the tree tonight, so that's what the two of you did after showers and a change into comfortable PJ's.

Decorating a tree as an adult was probably funner than you thought it would be. Between Jensen arguing with the lights, and him making fun of the fact that you needed a step ladder because you were vertically challenged he seemed to be in good spirits, and you hadn't seen him laugh like that since the two of you had gotten married.

Once the tree was decorated he began to turn off all the lights.

"Okay, time for our grand reveal!" he said, running over to plug the tree up once all the lights in the house was off, like an excited little kid.

"And here... WE... GO..."

Once the tree was plugged in you were pretty impressed at how well the two of you had done. "What do you think baby?" he said, wrapping his arms around your middle.

Leaning your head back against his shoulder,you take a deep breath, enjoying the smell that you had learned to take so much comfort in.

Jensen, just Jensen. That’s all you needed.

"I love it, It looks great." you tell him, enjoying the feeling of his arms wrapped around you. Maybe this Christmas wouldn't be so bad after all.

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Tag List: @deanwanddamons @imabitch4jensen @rvgrsbrns @bi-danvers0 @onethirstyunicorn @i-love-superhero @akshi8278 @lyss-dw79 @magssteenkamp @lemondropirwin @squirrelnotsam @hobby27 @spnbaby-67 @mrsjenniferwinchester @defenderrosetyler @screechingartisancashbailiff @thecreatiivecorner @aflamboyanceofgays @vicmc624 @busy-bee-angel-misska @justanotherwinchester @brilovesdeanwinchester @idksupernatural @lyarr24 @amandamdiehl

#jensen ackles #jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles x you #jensen ackles series #jensen ackles fanfiction #jensen ackles fanfci #jensen x you #jensen x reader #dean winchester #spn fanfiction #spn fanfic #x reader inserts #jawritter #jawritter 1k celebration #the arrangement

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darklingichor · 4 years

Text

The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton *Major Spoilers*

I did not plan to revisit this one because I still have it mostly memorized from when I read it over and over as a teenager.

I loved this book so much, even though my life was worlds away from Ponyboy's, I related to him.

This is probably the most influential book I've ever read. I found out it was written when S.E. Hinton was a teen and I thought "Maybe I can do it too."

I soon found that I was far too sensitive to let people read what I wrote, I couldn't get around the idea of pouring part of myself into something and having someone tell me it sucks.

Now, I realize that's pretty rich considering this blog, but I couldn't do it as a kid and even now it feels a little like saying "please judge my spleen for your liking. If it is found lacking, by all means throw it in the shredder. Fear not, I will feel every cut."

This is why very few people have ever read my fiction.

That's also why, with a couple of exceptions I try to be very respectful of every book I read.

Anyway, what made me return to The Outsiders was that I discovered that there was a 50th anniversary edition. This hardcover has extras, my finger was hitting buy before I even registered it.

So, reread it for the first time in a long time.

I sank into the sweet nostalgia of the story. Reading this book is like sliding on a well worn pair of jeans. This book introduced me to Robert Frost.

I taught myself to type using the poem "Nothing Gold Can Stay" because I had it memorized and would never get tired of it.

I still love the friendships and family bonds presented in the story. I still got a knot in my throat when Johnny died and Dally lost everything. I cried when Ponyboy found Johnny's letter. By God, but I still love this book.

I did notice that some things hit differently now than they did even when I read it once in my 20's.

The first thing I noticed is akin to when you watch The Little Mermaid as an adult and Arial says that she's sixteen and not a kid

and you laugh out loud because, girl, you are a zygote, shush!

When Cherry says to Ponyboy, she could fall in love with Dallas Winston so she hopes she never sees him m again. When I was a kid reading this,familar with The Breakfast Club, Grease, etc, this seemed like a natural statement.

Now? My first thought was "Oh honey, you're more screwed up than I remembered." Because from their first interaction, Cherry would fall in love with a catcalling construction worker.

Ponyboy says that Dallas said something "Really filthy". In the movie, he asks Cherry howhe was suppose to know if her hair was really red, like her eyebrows were. A roundabout way of asking if the carpet matches the drapes. Bad enough and in the context of the 1960's that might have been dirty enough to be censored from the orginal manuscript, but I always imagined it was worse than that.

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, after all, Dally wasn't so much a step up or down from Bob, as a step to the side.

Honestly when I was fourteen and reading this for the first time, I didn't think much of Cherry, I thought she was fake, and very stupid. She was older than me, but I knew it was massively fucked up not to admit she dated a bad guy.

I see her as sad now, and she's a much darker character She's painted as someone with integrity, someone with principles.

She wouldn't take a Coke from Dally.

She tells Bob that it's her or the booze.

Won't take a pop from a hood, threatens to break it off with her boyfriend if he continues to drink. Okay, understandable.

Realize he beat the tar out of, and pschologically scarred a kid for kicks?

He was sweet sometimes.

What?

He was something special.

She says to the kid he and his friends attempted to murder.

"He wasn't just any boy."

Right you are, Cherry. Incidentally, did you have any pets disappear while you dated him?

She's a mixed up girl.

I had many a head cannon for the characters in this book when I first read it.

I thought Ponyboy would grow up to be a writer, Darryl would open his own roofing business, Soda and Steve would work for him while fixing cars on the side. Two-Bit would work with them when he felt like it, or he would end up hitching to California to be a stand-up comic.

I thought Cherry would end up married to someone who worked for her father, who I imagined was a lawyer.

After this read through? I adjusted that future.

We met Randy again in That was Then, This Is Now. He's a hippie, which makes perfect sense. I see Cherry running off to Haight Ashbury. I don't get farther than losing sight of her red hair on a crowded, sunny sidewalk, but I get the same spooky vibe I always got after reading Rumble Fish.

Something else that hit differently, the relationships between the boys.

It hit differently for me because I know now why I love it so much.

I remember being in a major reading slump before I picked up this book. See, I couldn't get into the books that were marketed to me. I wasn't in to RL Stine, except for the history of Fear Street books. I couldn't get into Christopher Pike at all.

I was reading mysteries and westerns, but I really wanted something that had people my age in it that wasn't a romance or sick lit. I'd read enough of those, and I thought that if I read one more book where boy meets girl then one of them croaks I would scream.

So I went to my mom's bookshelf, and found her copy.

I really loved that the real connections that are focused on, are between friends and family. These connections were not treated as being less than a romantic relationship. In fact, just the opposite, the gang see each other as their cement relationships. Soda and his girlfriend Sandy break up, he's hurt and it adds to an already rough time, but it is not a focus.

I suppose it could be argued that the reason for the lack of focus on romance has to do with the fact that Pony states that he's not thinking of it yet. But seeing how all of the gang look out for each other from Darryl keeping the Curtis's door unlocked in case one of the boys needed a place to crash, to everyone looking out for Johnny, to Johnny staying with Pony when he was upset after his fight with Darry, and looking out for him when they were in hiding, to Dallas helping them find a place to go after Bob was killed, to Pony sticking by Johnny after the killing, to Two-Bit sticking up for Johnny when his mother came to the hospital and how broken up he was when Ponyboy got sick, and finally how one of Johnny's last acts was to write Ponyboy a letter that he hoped would help both Pony and Dallas.

These are not friendships that end when everyone starts dating.

This seems like a "duh" statement, but you have to think, so many things show friendships as training wheels. Something you use until you reach the next level and find a romantic partner. And, maybe this was just my small town, but that was very much the way things went around me, it was expected.

It was great to read a book about kids around my age who didn't see friendships as inferior to romantic relationships.

Now, knowing that I'm Aro Ace, I think I liked it because it spoke to what I thought was important without making it seem like something I needed to grow out of.

The extras were cool, letters between the author and the editors when the book was in the works, letters from the actors who played Pony, Johnny, Soda, Dallas, and Randy.

It was interesting to read the actors' feelings about characters they played so early in their careers. I was half hoping Matt Dillon would apologize for choking on, and embodying that gigantic piece of ham during the death scene, but one can't get everything in life.

I could read the other SE Hinton books, and talk about the connections between them, but I will likely skip That was Then, This is Now and Rumble Fish.

See, I didn't like That Was Then This Is Now very much when I first read it. A big reason? I didn't like Bryon. There was just something about the character that rubbed me the wrong way.

He's... I don't know... he's like Two-Bit without the charm. Plus, Ponyboy is featured, but Bryon hates him. It seems out of jelousy because of all the stuff that had happened in The Outsiders. And he hates him even more *because* he's quiet about it. I get distancing the last book from the next and that was an effective way of doing it, but when I was younger it just made me not like the character all the more.

I've read it a few times since I was younger, wondering if it would improve as I aged. It didn't.

Bryon is still mostly unlikeable. Plus, I grew up in the Frying an Egg, Diving into an Empty Swimming Pool, DARE, era of drug awareness. The whole book felt like a PG-13 version of The Buttercream Gang. Now that I have sufficiently aged myself...

Rumble Fish, I loved, but like I said, it's an unsettling story and one that left me oddly unsatisfied.

I really enjoyed the next two, Tex and Taming the Star Runner so I may revisit those.

#books #book #s.e. hinton #the outsiders #spoilers #revisit 5 #Book blogging 2021 #revisit

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ms31x129 · 5 years

Text

Blind End

A Never Again / AU / Missing Scene fic

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Detective’s Gouveia and Smith had offered to drive him to the hospital and he had declined.

“Agent Mulder - Agent Scully told us repeatedly that she wasn’t sexually assaulted. And she didn’t appear to be in any distress during our brief interview with her early this morning at the suspect’s residence”.

“This morning?”

“Yes this morning we went to interview the other tenants when another tenant Kay Shilling was reported missing. She answered Mr. Jerse’s door. It appears whatever happened last night,”

Last night. Last night. Last night.. He had to focus on Det. Gouveia - he was still speaking.

“Between them was consensual…. A couple of hours later we got news 911 was called to the address we’d just been at with a report of an assault, some type of psychotic break on the part of Mr. Jerse according to your partner. Must have been for a guy to stick his arm in a furnace, right?”

Mulder nods not exactly sure which part of Det. Gouveia’s statement he’s actually agreeing to before heading to the rental car.

Mulder entered the hospital and could see Scully’s gurney being wheeled into the main ER doors. He was stopped by a rather large and imposing gray haired nurse who demanded to know who he was when he tried following Scully’s gurney.

“Just a minute, hold up there - are you the husband? Family?”

“No.”

“Well we have protocols at this hospital - who are you?”

“I’m Agent Fox Mulder with the FBI and that,” he points to the now closed doors. “Is my partner Agent Dana Scully and now if you’ll excuse me I need to be in there with her.”

“You will remain here Agent Mulder until I return for you.” She points to a waiting room and Mulder doesn’t move. “Agent Mulder I’ve worked here for 40 years and I know as soon as I turn my back you’re going to try and sneak in there - let the staff do their jobs. I won’t hesitate to call security and have you removed - FBI or not.”

“I’ll get some coffee and then I’ll be back.” Mulder stalked away, needing the motion to avoid sitting and doing nothing - allowing his thoughts to repeatedly analyze the fact that Scully had been with another man. Who was a murder suspect - last night. He didn’t like it. He also realized he really didn’t have any right to like it or not.

Outside Scully’s Hospital Room

2:00 pm

“Your partner has a concussion, Agent Mulder and her blood sugar was dangerously low either or both of which could have caused her fainting. We are going to keep her at least overnight - I would prefer 48 hrs. in order to monitor her. If you leave your number at the desk…”

“I’m not leaving. I’ll sit in a chair in her room, you won’t know I’m there - but I’m not leaving.”

The doctor nodded with grudging acceptance. Nurses through the night would notice before entering the room that afternoon and evening. Mulder holding Scully’s hand only to release it when he would hear the door open.

Scully’s Hospital Room

3:00 am

Mulder had been watching Scully for hours, the nurses kept assuring him she was okay, vitals were good she responded to pain stimuli even though she didn’t awaken. “Don’t worry, Agent Mulder she will be fine,” they said. Around 3 am though she began to whimper…

“Mulder… no … please stop.”

He stood and gently stroked her forehead trying to soothe her, “Shhh… it’s okay… Scully it’s okay.”

She’d quieted almost immediately and Mulder sat back down scrubbing his hands over his face. Was she thinking about the attack? Did she call out for his help and he wasn’t fucking there? Or did he have his answer? His attentions were unwanted? He’d pushed and she’d wanted him to stop… and he hadn’t.

He’d fallen asleep toward morning, his head on the bed near her hip with Scully’s hand on his head. The nurse who had barred him from the ER the previous day, she’d made it a habit to check in on patients the following day was the one to witness this…and more. The patient’s hand began to wander through Agent Mulder’s hair and her eyes slowly opened. Agent Mulder blinked and raised his head, Agent Scully’s hand moving down to cup his cheek. His lips curved into a gentle smile and he grabbed her hand and placed a gentle kiss on it before nuzzling it with his cheek.

The nurse gave a sigh and quickly swiped at her wet eyes before walking away. There was no need to disturb them. The patient was in good hands.

Mulder excused himself and stepped out of the room, his phone rang and Skinner told him to get back to DC immediately with some explanation into the report laying on his desk regarding Agent Scully’s assault. He hung up and dialed the phone.

“Mrs. Scully? It’s Fox, Fox Mulder.”

After speaking with Mrs. Scully Mulder stepped back into Scully’s room. He’s not there long.

“Hey Scully… Skinner called I need to get back to DC asap. I called your mom she’ll be here later today.”

He quickly leans over and kisses her forehead. “Feel better, Scully.” He avoids any eye contact and exits the room. “But… Mulder…” echoing in his ears.

When Mrs. Scully arrives she is stoic hugging her daughter with a million questions, she is about ready to ask when she glances in the trash and sees a small wad of bloody tissues.

“Dana?”

Scully had seen her mother’s eyes dart to the side. She sighs, “It’s okay mom I just had a nosebleed. The air is dry in here.”

Margaret Scully sits in the chair Mulder had occupied all night and pinned her daughter with a stare.

“You need to tell me what’s going on, Dana… and why I had to hear my daughter was attacked and is in the hospital yet again. Where was Fox? And why isn’t he here with you?”

X Files Office

Morning

Scully’s first day back was rough. She was still bruised, tired and also dealing with the aftereffects of her concussion, sensitivity to light, dizziness. Mulder’s relief at seeing her slowly leached away to be replaced by sarcasm.

“Welcome back. You look a lot better than you did in the hospital. And congratulations for making an personal appearance in the X Files for the second time.”

Mulder gets a file out of the cabinet and sits at his desk flipping open the file. “It’s a world’s record.” Scully doesn’t respond, Mulder clears his throat and continues.

“Ed Jerse is in custody at the St. John’s burn facility in Philadelphia. Traces of ergot were found in his bloodstream as in yours, but not to the degree that should cause hallucinogenic ergotism.” Scully finally sits and Mulder continues.

“He’ll undergo psychiatric evaluation after recovering from burn trauma. Comrade Svo has been shut down, he was under investigation for having connections to my friend Pudovkin. Case closed on Boris Badenov, which is really a shame because I was thinking of having an “N.Y.” tattooed on my ass to commemorate the Yankees’ World Series victory. Better late than never, hunh?”

Scully picks the rose petal off his desk. Mulder watches her uncomfortably before rising and putting the file away and getting another. He tilts his head back searching for the words, any words.

“The uh, field office in Dallas is uh, receiving reports of the image of a missing child appearing on a blank billboard outside of Arlington…” Mulder sits again opening the file. He pauses, there are things he can’t say here he can’t allude to anything with eyes and ears recording them. “So…. All this, because I’ve … because I didn’t get you a desk?”

Scully looks at Mulder holding his gaze. “Not everything is about you, Mulder. This is my life.”

Oh but it was about Mulder and more. It was about friendships - relationships that had faded away or passed her by. About life being more than her job, gratifying as it really was at the end of the day. About wanting to have a healthy sexual relationship. About an attraction that at its core was the one she’d promised herself she would never enter into again.

“Yes but it’s - -”

Scully looks at him questioningly. He opens his mouth to speak, wisely decides not to then sighs and fiddles with things on his desk. There’s an uncomfortable, weighted silence in the room.

Scully shifts her position in the chair and somehow manages to stifle a gasp when her tattoo started to throb anew - and the memories, thoughts start to bleed into her brain.

Scully wasn’t sure why the ouroboros design intrigued her so. The circle of life had popped into head and she’d managed to stifle a laugh. She’d observed the meeting between the two men and taken Ed’s card as a courtesy nothing else.

That was until Mulder had asked if she had a date… and found herself dialing Ed Jerse’s phone number. Would she have called except for Mulder’s remark? She doesn’t know.

He was attractive, but she could see he was more like the type of guy Missy would have brought home just to tick off their parents. So why call? Was it the darkness hovering about him intriguing? Didn’t she want to leave that darkness behind? She should have suspected there was something more to that darkness when she found a photo with his face burned out.

Instead they went to a dark and dingy bar and talked. She found herself opening up to him and she didn’t know why. Why didn’t the words “I’m fine,” breach her lips once? A few times she looked at him and didn’t see Ed - she saw Mulder. Mulder with his white dress shirt rolled up to his elbows. Mulder’s forearms were a work of art.

Scully shook her head and as she relaxed she had a quick image of all the patron’s in 1920’s clothing, Scully knew this was once a speakeasy bar famous for bootlegging and other crimes. The piano player looked like Mulder and the femme fatale draped across the piano looked like her, bright red lips were singing to the crowd, but she would turn and her eyes were all for him - the piano man.

She closed her eyes and gave a gentle shake of her head, when she opened them the vision was gone.

“You’re so curious. Get your own.” Ed finally said.

Getting the tattoo was an experience. Some would say the pain bordered on the erotic, maybe it did… She stared into Ed’s eyes part of the time, it hurt it really did she had to keep catching her breath. She had to wonder did she secretly like pain? The needle entered her skin repeatedly, her eyes blurred and burned. Ed became Mulder again - looking at her with concern and confusion.

He stepped towards her his hand reaching out to gently cup her lower back off to the right, like always guiding her, letting her know of his presence. Even from the first day she’d never felt he was touching her inappropriately, it was courtly, and comforting…Mulder was a gentleman in an era of increasing feminism.

She blinked again her imagination breaking apart like shards of glass embedding themselves in her skin, in that newly inked tattoo… Mulder’s spot.

Three weeks went by, Scully was pulled in for several autopsies due to backlog in other departments, being away from Mulder gave her time to think and 3 weeks later Scully made a decision she stopped into the basement office after her final autopsy. “Mulder?”

“Yeah, Scully.” He seemed to brighten and dim at the same time as she stood in the doorway, her hand on the knob.

“I want you to come to my place tonight. I’ll make us dinner and then we’ll talk. We have to talk.”

Mulder swallowed, “Okay, Scully.”

Scully’s apartment

6:30pm

Scully had decided to make braised steak with pearl onions and she’d done some herb dusted red potatoes and carrots, a tossed salad and dessert - Caramel Cashew Ice Cream would complete their meal. At least they’d have a good meal… before things possibly changed between them forever - she was pretty sure they already had.

She went into her bedroom and began to change into the dress she’d purchased last year on a whim. It was a beautiful green darker than kelly green, but not quite emerald. It was silky soft and it caressed her skin, flowing over her like water, the hem rested just above her knees. The dress had a little bit of flirtiness to it, Scully spun in a circle and watched it flare out. She felt sensual, feminine, she’d purchased a matching bra and panties to wear with it, but after seeing how it ruined the smooth lines of the dress she made the choice to go without.

Would Mulder notice?

Looking in the mirror the memories twirled into her consciousness the same way her green skirt had just moments ago. She’d driven Ed back to his apartment and he’d invited her up, there was a weather advisory out, but nothing she hadn’t dealt with before. There wasn’t any need for her to stay at his apartment other than the attraction she felt - or thought she felt.

“Look, the weather and a few drinks under your belt … I’d feel better if you stayed here. Hey, I’m not up to anything. I just want you to be safe. I’ll take the couch. That tattoo hurt at all?”

“Yeah, um…. it feels weird. I, uh, I can’t see it and….. but I feel different. It’s like, um, I don’t know how I feel about that.” Scully can’t explain it, it’s tingling or sparking, her skin - she imagines Mulder tracing it with his fingers. She shakes her head slightly as her shirt rises and Ed pulls the bandage away.

“It looks all right.”

Scully remembers seeing the blood on his shirt cuff and suddenly she wants his shirt off, there’s blood higher up on the sleeve too - words pass both of their lips - she’s already started down this path of being dangerous - reckless. How far will she go?

His hold on her wrists are actually beginning to hurt, so tight - she’s pretty sure she’ll have bruises. He’s leaning in and their lips are so close to touching. She takes a breath… Mulder hasn’t kissed her yet, he didn’t even kiss her when she came apart in his arms. Scully turns her head away, “No,” is barely a whisper.

Ed lets go of one of her wrists and slams his door closed before spinning Scully around and pressing her against the door, he quickly pulls her shirt over her head and drops it to the floor beside them. “Ed?” Scully’s voice is deserting her, any arousal ebbing by the time Ed has secured both her wrists in one of his - holding them above the door. His other hand is wandering, her buttock, her hip, her stomach, before cupping a breast - his touch is rough bordering on pain when he pinches her nipple.

She’s been held against her will too many times and she isn’t going to let this be another. He’s released her arms and the position he takes with her body … oh it’s Mulder, the way Mulder had held her just before seducing her with movement and silence. She hadn’t felt trapped in his arms - it was simply Mulder…. but Ed is not Mulder.

“Ed? … stop.” She asks him firmly and he does. Stepping away. “I’m sorry,” he replies. Scully bends down and grabs her top holding it in front of her. Now that the moment is over, she’s a little self conscious standing in a stranger’s apartment…this is not something she would normally do. Never. She’d never done it.

“I’ll … Just a minute …” Ed disappears down the hallway, he returns with a blanket, pillow which he tosses on his couch and he hands her one of his dress shirts. “I thought you could … wear it to .. sleep in- you know the weather’s still…”

Things are awkward now. Scully turns and dons the shirt it’s so long down to her knees, it covers and conceals her. Ed sits on the couch and Scully wanders over to his desk and picks up the photo with his face burned out and sits on the desk chair. He’s watching her and there is a sudden sadness in his eyes, a melancholy that’s deep beneath the surface. “Tell me about them…” Scully softly asks.

Ed shakes his head no, but then begins speaking of his children, his divorce and his ever spiraling downward life since. At some point he stretches out, his head on the pillow, he’d smiled at times and others he cried until his voice faded and he fell asleep. Scully covered him with the blanket and went into the bedroom, she didn’t think she was in any danger, but her instincts prevailed and after shutting the door a chair was shoved under the knob firmly.

She woke to knocking, Philly PD and the day went to hell. She didn’t want to think about it anymore, tonight was hopefully about new beginnings, adding another layer to the partnership between them. Scully was ready to take that step and if she’d read the signs right - so was Mulder. Scully could swear she felt his presence before he knocked and then the steady rapping sound happened - he was here.

Mulder was here.

Scully answered the door. “Hey, Scu…” She knew Mulder noticed as his eyes travelled the length of her body, before meeting her eyes. “You, you look… beautiful.” Scully could feel her cheeks heating even though it was just the reaction she’d been hoping for.

Mulder was still standing in her doorway staring at her, he was holding 3 bottles of wine. “Are you going to come in, Mulder?” Nodding almost dumbly he stepped inside and Scully shut the door. Mulder couldn’t seem to take his eyes off her. “I, I brought … well I didn’t know which wine would go with dinner.”

Scully reached out to take one bottle in her hand, Vecchia Cantina Chianti, a lovely red wine. Scully smiles and takes it to the counter, Mulder is still standing holding the other 2 bottles, she can feel his eyes following her. Mulder is sweating, he’s uncharacteristically nervous, yet so aroused he can feel a distinct stirring in his groin. Why does he have more apprehension than his first date? Then again his first date hadn’t been wearing anything like the silky confection Scully was wearing now. She walked back over to him and takes the other bottles out of his arms, still smiling her hips swaying as placed those bottles beside the other.

Mulder’s eyes are still roving over her dress, silky, smooth… he fists his hands, stifling a groan. Jesus is, is she naked under that liquid green? Scully has already grabbed a corkscrew out of a drawer and then opens the cupboard above her head, she glances coyly over her shoulder. “Mulder would you get a couple of wine goblets? They’re on the top shelf.” Scully was pointing and she’d just been stretched on tip toe a moment ago… Holy Hell! She’s in her bare feet and her toenails are painted this girly pink shade like cotton candy - he’d always loved cotton candy as a boy.

“Mulder?” Mulder takes a deep breath and swallows, “Uh… yes.” He clears his throat as he walks forward, Scully is right in front of him as he reaches for the goblets. Oh this was a bad… bad idea…

Standing outside Scully’s door, in the hallway Mulder could smell whatever she was cooking and it smelled delicious. Now though, standing with Scully trapped between his body and the counter all he smells is her. All he feels as he presses closer is every dip and curve of her body, Scully hisses his name, “Mulder…” and the goblets are forgotten, she tilts her head back and Mulder’s head descends sealing their lips together for the first time.

Mulder’s hands aren’t idle immediately going for her breasts, neglected the last time they were in this position . Oh God! His hands completely cover them, his plucking and squeezing her nipple through the silk is devine and she can’t be idle any longer. Scully reaches back with the dexterity only a doctor would have unbuckles and unzips Mulders jeans, and has his erection freed from the confines. Her fingertips are tickling, delicately stroking his length, he feels ready to burst, he groans and pulls away from the enticement of her lips.

Mulder keeps getting drawn back to those lips even as he manages to speak, “Um… Scu - ly …” One of her hands is fisted around his cock, slowly pumping - if she doesn’t stop… “Bed … Bedroom?”

Scully pulls away from his lips both of them are breathing heavily and Scully gives a slight shake of her head, “No… right here … right now.” Scully kisses him again and starts guiding his cock forward and tilting her ass her very naked ass upward just the slightest bit- which is all the encouragement Mulder needs.

Mulder takes a step back, gently grasping her wrists - for a moment he remembers the bruised ringing them - and placing them on the edge of the counter. He suddenly doesn’t know if he can, he didn’t bring a condom - he wasn’t expecting this to happen. The thought of another man touching her… even as his inner dialogue is speaking his hands are still busy one from behind spreading her wetness all around, finger dipping in and out. The other plucking, lightly stroking and then deeply grinding her clitoris until she screams out. “MULDER!”

Scully is panting, still shaking from her release and Mulder’s hands have now trailed up to ther hips, gripping and sliding that silky dress above her waist his eyes zeroing in on that snake circling her back. His erection hasn’t waned even viewing the imprinted fact of her indiscretion, he slowly traces the mark with his fingertip and Scully moans, “Oh God…touch me, touch it Mulder…touch…”

Mulder placed his whole palm over it, Scully moaned again, Mulder began kneading the skin watch and listening for her reaction, she arches in ecstasy. “Why… Scully…?” Scully can hear the pain in his voice even as he continues stroking her back, the other hand is traversing a breast to clit journey over and over and Scully is quickly climbing towards another orgasm. But it feels like Mulder isn’t really there with her and she wants him to be.

Suddenly she feels him licking and biting her back it feels like he’s trying to eat the tattoo off her back and he pinches her clit and grinds at the same time and she explodes screaming out, “I didn’t do it! Mulder! I didn’t fuck him…”

He’s holding her hips firmly one second and the next she looks over her shoulder and sees him flex his knees slightly one hand around his erection, prodding her entrance “Good,” he groans out and finally pushes steadily into her. “Oh God…” they both moan out, Scully drops her head to the counter as Mulder begins thrusting inside of her. She feels every inch of him, amazingly she feels the pressure building again, but it’s deeper with his fullness inside of her.

Five or six more quick whip-like pistons in and out of her and she comes again, Mulder moments after. They both feel boneless, wrung out and sweaty, chests heaving from their exertions. He slips out of her and she turns in his arms, glancing to his penis slowly going flaccid he’s still an impressive male specimen. They gently kiss and pull each other into an embrace, hugging each other tightly. “Scully… I never… I wasn’t expecting. You know … this.” Mulder mumbles into her hair.

“I was hoping you liked my dress…” she looks up at him with a knowing smile. “I think that was obvious.” Mulder’s stomach growled and Scully chuckled. “Let’s eat Mulder.” Mulder kisses her forehead, the tip of her nose and finally her lips again. “I’d like that Scully.”

Later after eating and clearing up the table, Scully grabs her glass of wine and Mulder’s hand leading them into her bedroom. He has his own glass as well and he takes a sip before sharing that sip with her lips. Their mutual desire is rising from the embers, Mulder reaches down and lifts the dress off Scully. She stands before him naked all creamy rose skin he smiles and drops to the bed pulling her between his legs.

“Why are you smiling?” In response Mulder took a nipple into his mouth, Scully gasped. He let that nipple pop out of his mouth and raised his glass pouring the wine over the sister nipple before engulfing it in his mouth. Some of the wine had drizzled down, down and Mulder chased it with his lips and tongue. “Such pretty little nipples… the color of Rose wine…” he murmured against her stomach, causing sensual flutters down low. “Stand up, Mulder.” Scully breathlessly demands, she quickly divests Mulder of his clothes and pushes him back on the bed, he’s already hard and she settles over him her body moving sinuously, his hands running over her skin rough and soft.

They make love through the night, but when the dawn’s sun breaks through her windows Mulder is not in her bed. She throws on a robe and pads out to the kitchen and he isn’t there either. On her coffee table is her journal she sometimes writes in its open to an entry and the sentence stares up at her damning her.

“I made myself a promise after Jack, never again, would I involve myself with a co-worker… never again.”

And below it in Mulder’s script. “Okay, Scully.”

Closing the journal with a slam she hurls the offending object across the room and curls into a ball on her couch… what has she done?

End

Note: I hope everyone enjoyed the ride and I want to thank everyone for their comments and reblogs about this 4 part series. If you wanted tagged and I missed you I apologize ahead of time and vice versa if you didn’t. I’m going to take a little break and read some of the great fanfic by much more talented authors than I while I’ve been missing out on while working on this series. Thank goodness I don’t have to watch this ep again.

@cultureisdarkbeer @today-in-fic @patienceaintmystrongsuit @skullsmuldon @tulpa51 @baronessblixen @monikafilefan @itotallygazeatscully @mtbsuze @country3living @season4mulder @ficoritdidnthappen @monaiargancoconutsoy @starbuck1013 @peggyfromtheblockk @mulder-x-scully @sandymans-world @piper-scully @alienbaby-babymama @peacenik0

#msr fanfic #msr smut #msr #xfiles #the xfiles #xfiles season 4 #msrfanfic #mulder and scully #mulder #fox mulder #dana scully #never again fic

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trans-rite · 6 years

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The Transgender Rite of Ancestor Elevation: 2018 List of Names

Below the cut, a list of names, organized by country, date of passing, and how they died (people have mixed feelings about the latter, we understand). Some include age and other notes as well, but that’s not consistent across the names. This year we made an effort to seek out information about the lives of our beloved dead, where reported, and quotes from loved ones.

Link to a shareable google document with photos

Christa Leigh Steele-Knudslien, United States

As of mid-October 2018, 22 homicides of trans Americans have been reported. The first known victim was Christa Leigh Steele-Knudslien, 42, of North Adams, Mass. The founder of the Miss Trans America and Miss Trans New England pageants, she was stabbed to death at her home January 5. Her husband, Mark S. Steele-Knudslien, 47, has been charged with her murder. He turned himself in to police the same night, saying he had done "something very bad," and describing details of the crime, but he pleaded not guilty the following week in Northern Berkshire District Court. He is awaiting trial.

Christa, 42, was a flamboyant and beloved transgender activist, founder of the Miss Trans New England beauty pageant and cofounder of the New England Trans United Pride March and Rally. She believed that being trans was something to celebrate. She was forever cajoling friends to try the higher heels, the shorter dress — “Show your legs, hon!” Her joy seemed boundless.

When Halloween came, Christa struck up a friendly decorating contest with Jennifer Serre, who lives across the street. They one-upped each other, Serre said, adding lights and signs and ghouls until Christa’s yard sported a guillotine, a fortune teller, a ghost, a clown, a girl hanging from a tree, a man dressed in black carrying a shovel, and a graveyard.

Viccky Gutierrez, United States

Viccky Gutierrez, 33, was stabbed to death at her home in Los Angeles January 10. Firefighters were called to a fire at the building early that day and discovered her body. Gutierrez, an immigrant from Honduras, was described as "a beautiful soul who was really nice to everyone and would offer any type of support when someone would need it" by friends who set up a crowdfunding page to raise money for funeral expenses. She was active in the L.A. trans community, working with the Los Angeles LGBT Center on Transgender Day of Remembrance events. A few days after her death, Los Angeles police arrested Kevyn Ramirez, 29. Police said he admitted to stabbing Gutierrez and setting the fire. He is charged with murder during the commission of an attempted robbery, plus two counts of arson, while police continue to try to determine his motive and whether the murder was a hate crime.

Viccky was a young trans Latina woman from Honduras, and a member of TransLatin@ Coalition’s Los Angeles organization. She often joined the team for their daily lunches, provided for free to anyone in need. Friends refer to her as “the nicest girl in the world,” whose “smile would give anyone comfort,” and “an inspiration for many of us.”

Zakaria Fry, United States

Zakaria Fry, 28, went missing from her home in Albuquerque, N.M., January 18, along with her housemate, Eugene Carroll Ray, 70. Their bodies were found February 19 in trash bins in a rural part of New Mexico; both had died of blunt force trauma to the head and face, police said. It is not clear exactly when they were killed. Albuquerque police arrested Charles Anthony Spiess, 27, who is also known by the name James Knight, February 27, and the next day he was charged with the murder of both Fry and Ray, along with a charge of tampering with evidence. Police said he may have lived with the victims for a time. “It's a massive case and there's a lot of connections there. But the main thing is we’re asking the public if they ever saw these three together,” Albuquerque Police Department public information officer Simon Drobik told the Albuquerque Journal. Friends of Fry's described her lovingly. “You were such a fun and positive person despite all the challenges you faced in life,” Tara Yvonne wrote on Facebook. “You were a brave, strong and inspirational woman. Your spirit lives on and you are missed by many. May you rest in peace.”

Celine Walker, United States

Celine Walker, 36, was found shot to death in a hotel room in Jacksonville, Fla., February 4. A friend, Naomi Michaels, wrote on Facebook that Walker “lived a low key life where she did whatever needed to be done in order for her to survive” and “was not a pageant girl” or a clubgoer. The Jacksonville Sheriff's Office misgendered and deadnamed her when reporting her death, with officials saying they do not identify people as transgender. Activists have called for a change in the policy, which may have delayed the investigation of the crime. No one has been arrested for her murder yet, and police have revealed no details of their investigation. Some friends suspect her murder was an anti-trans hate crime.

“Celine was not a pageant girl. She didn’t even enjoy going to gay clubs or events. She lived a low key life where she did whatever needed to be done in order for her to survive.”

Tonya Harvey, United States

Tonya Harvey, 35, was fatally shot on a dead-end street in Buffalo, N.Y., February 6. Social media posts by friends described Harvey, who sometimes went by the nickname “Kita,” as “sweet and loving” and “the black Cameron Diaz.” Police and the Erie County District Attorney's office are continuing to investigate her murder, including the possibility that it was a hate crime. Activists pointed out the widespread violence against trans people. “There is a very real epidemic of violence targeting the transgender community, particularly those who live at the intersection of transphobia, racism, and misogyny,” Damian Mordecai, executive director of the Pride Center of Western New York, told The Buffalo News.

Phylicia Mitchell, United States

Phylicia Mitchell, 45, died February 23 after being shot in the chest outside her home in Cleveland. She and partner Shane Mitchell had been together for about 30 years, ever since Phylicia fled her less-than-accepting family in Pittsburgh. They were not legally married, but they had an unofficial ceremony last May in which she took his last name. Phylicia earned a high school equivalency diploma and worked as a hairstylist, and Shane did odd jobs. Shane said their relationship endured and even became stronger through hard times, including periods of homelessness. “I miss her tremendously,” he told Cleveland's Plain Dealer. “That’s my soul mate. We went together everywhere. We did everything together. We always held hands on the bus. Years ago people didn’t respect that, but they do now.” In April, Cleveland police issued a warrant for the arrest of Gary Lamar Sanders, 36, in connection with Mitchell's death. He was placed on Ohio's Most Wanted List and was finally apprehendedby the U.S. Marshals Service in July in West Virginia, where he had been living for more than a month. He is charged with aggravated murder.

She will be remembered for her devotion to hair styling and being a loving and caring partner and friend, despite battling drug addiction for most of her life, her longtime partner said. "Everyone loved her," Mitchell said. "My nieces and nephews opened up to her so much. She was just so funny and kind."

Amia Tyrae Berryman, United States

Amia Tyrae Berryman, 28, was found shot to death at the Shades Motel in Baton Rouge, La., early in the morning of March 26. Police so far have no suspects and are continuing to investigate. Berryman's family declined to speak to local media.

Amia worked in home health care in Baton Rouge. A friend was quoted as saying “She didn’t have much support [from] family...so she made family with her peers in the LGBT community of Baton Rouge.” Another friend said, “Amia Tyrae R.I.P. you were such a sweet person with a big heart...rest well my friend.”

Sasha Wall, United States

Sasha Wall, 29, was found shot to death in her car along a rural road in Chesterfield County, S.C., the morning of April 1. She had been shot several times in the neck and shoulder. Police believe she knew her killer and that her death was likely the result of a domestic dispute. Wall, who lived in a mobile home near Pageland, S.C., was remembered fondly by friends on social media. On Facebook, Donovan Dunlap recalled taking photos of her, saying, “You stayed ready for the camera. I will miss you my beautiful sister. I cannot sleep. I hope they find who did this.”

Carla Patricia Flores-Pavon, United States

Carla Patricia Flores-Pavon was strangled to death in her Dallas apartment May 9. Police found her unconscious about 4 p.m. at her apartment, Dallas TV station KTVT reports. She was pronounced dead at a local hospital. A witness reportedly saw a man fleeing the scene. Dallas police said they do not believe her death was a hate crime. The are some discrepancies in the details about Flores-Pavon. KTVT listed her age as 26, but the Dallas Voice gave it as 18. Also, while police spelled her first name as Carla, her Facebook page spelled it Karla.“You were a good person,” her friend Gia York Herrera wrote on Facebook, also noting that the loss “hurts so much.” (This is a translation; the original post was in Spanish.) York Herrera added, “God give comfort to your family and friends” and “I send you a hug and a kiss as always.” Police arrested a suspect in Flores-Pavon’s murder, Jimmy Eugene Johnson II, 24, near Huntsville, Texas, May 17. Johnson, who was arrested during a traffic stop, had items from Flores-Pavon’s apartment in his car, so police believe his motive was robbery and not anti-transgender bias. He is charged with murder.

Unknown transgender woman, United States

Officers pulled what they said was the body of a black, transgender woman, approximately 5’3” and 130 pounds, from a river in Dallas on May 15th, 2018. The unidentified victim was wearing a black shirt and black scrub pants.

Nino Fortson, United States

Nino Fortson, a 36-year-old transgender man, was shot to death in Atlanta May 13. Fortson was involved in an argument with two men and two women on the street, The Atlanta Jounral-Constitution reports. A witness said he fired a small gun into the air but then walked away. But a few minutes later, the witness heard more gunshots and then saw him lying on the ground, as one of the other people involved in the dispute limped away. Fortson died shortly afterward at Grady Memorial Hospital. Initial media reports misgendered Fortson.

Many in Atlanta’s queer community learned of the death through a Facebook post on the profile of Kamaro Blahnik, father of the House of Blahnik, who referred to Fortson as “my son” and used both she/her and he/him pronouns to refer to Fortson. Blahnik said that Fortson was known for walking the “Butch Realness” category at balls.

Gigi Pierce, United States

Gigi Pierce, 28, was shot to death in Portland, Ore., the night of May 21. She was from Boise, Idaho, and it wasn't clear how long she had been in Portland. Sophia Grace Adler, 33, has been arrested and charged with Pierce's murder; she has pleaded not guilty. Witnesses and police said there had been an altercation between the two prior to the shooting. A friend remembered Pierce as someone “full of life, always trying to help somebody.”

Her friends recall her as vivacious and enthusiastic. But they also say she struggled with drug abuse and homelessness, living a difficult life that came to a sudden end last week.

"I don't know what demons she was trying to run away from, but she spent her entire life running," says her close friend and former boyfriend Jason Johnson, who knew Eugene-Pierce for more than a decade. "And it was a beautiful run filled with glitter and cocktails." "Gigi was a performer through and through," her friend Dallas Jackson Falls said in a statement last week. "Life was her stage, and those fortunate enough to know her were her audience. Granted, you never knew whether you were getting a drama, comedy or even, in some moments, an action-filled tragedy. That was the thing about her, you just never knew what you were going to get." Eugene-Pierce grew up in Boise, Idaho. Her sister, Nicole Emery, says Eugene-Pierce "treated my sister [Meghann] and I like princesses" and "never stood still."

Antash’a-English, United States

Antash’a English, 38, was shot to death in Jacksonville, Fla., June 1. On a city street, she was shot in the abdomen by someone firing from a vehicle. She died at a local hospital. “She was an unapologetic, bold, and loyal person,” friend Taliyah Smith told Firs Coast News, a program of stations WTLV and WJXX. English had won several pageants and performed regularly at local nightclub InCahoots. Police are continuing to investigate her murder.

On her Facebook page, English described herself as “a very independent transgendered woman ... who thrive[s] on being the best person I can be.” In May, just weeks before her death, English had shared a photo of herself with the caption, “I will no longer be a victim of discrimination. # Trans rights.”

Diamond Stephens, United States

Diamond Stephens, 39, was shot to death June 18 while driving home. She was shot in the back of the head, causing her van to crash into a house. She was not identified as transgender until a month later because police and local news outlets misgendered and deadnamed her. Police, who have yet to identify a suspect, say there may have been others in the car with her. Her family is devastated. “We are hurting really bad,” Stephens’s cousin Georgia Brown told Mississippi TV station WTOK. “I don’t really know what words to say other than we need God to help us and give us strength to make it through this situation and pray to God that whoever did this is found.”

Catalina Christina James, United States

Catalina Christina James was the third transgender woman murdered in Jacksonville this year, leading some to suspect a serial killer is at work. James, from Bishopville, S.C., was shot to death outside a Quality Inn and Suites motel June 24. The Jacksonville Sheriff's Office continued its practice of not using trans victims' preferred names. James's mother described her to First Coast News as the life of the party, with a love of travel and dancing.

Keisha Wells, United States

Keisha Wells, 58, was found dead in the parking lot of an apartment complex June 24 in Cleveland, the second trans woman murdered in the city this year. She had suffered a gunshot wound to the abdomen. Her best friend, Sheila Jones, described her to the Plain Dealer as "a tough cookie" but "the nicest person ever." Wells loved dressing up and frequenting nightclubs, Jones added. "(She) always loved the most expensive high heels and stilettos, the hats and (her) expensive sunglasses.”

Wells' aunt, Regina Spicer, said Wells loved to make everyone around her laugh. She said Wells, who family members referred to as "Pokey" and who was referred to by family as both Keisha and her birth name Maurice, also spoiled the dozen or so nieces and nephews. "Pokey was funny," Spicer said. "Pokey liked laughing and telling funny stories about people. But when (she) loved you and cared about you, (she) loved you."

Sasha Garden, United States

Sasha Garden, 27, was found dead at an Orlando apartment complex July 19.

Garden, an advocate for transgender women and outreach coordinator for the HIV and AIDS organization Miracle of Love, was a sex worker saving money to transition and become a hairstylist. Garden was known for an outgoing spirit. "She was a firecracker – very outspoken," said Montrese Williams, who houses transgender women involved in sex work, providing free condoms, water bottles, and HIV testing. "She didn’t hold her tongue for anyone or anybody. Her womanhood was one of those things she stood up for. She didn’t tolerate any disrespect at all."

“There’s a little bit of Sasha in all of us here today,” mourner Richard Sizemore said, according to the Sentinel. “Her adventure in this realm may be over ... but I have faith that on the next plane, she is somewhere where she’s perfect — and everybody knows it.”

Dejanay Stanton, United States

Dejanay Stanton, 24, was shot to death early in the morning of August 30 on the south side of Chicago. She was found in an alley, with a gunshot wound to her head, and pronounced dead at a nearby hospital. Police initially did not know her name and identified her as "Jane Doe," but friends who saw her photo on social media confirmed her identity as Dejanay Stanton.

“She was so sweet. Every time you saw her she had a smile on her face," said LaSaia Wade, executive director of Brave Space Alliance. “She was just trying to live her best life as a young girl.” Police have yet to make an arrest but are continuing to investigate.

The first thing you noticed about Dejanay Stanton is her hair. In one video, it was styled pin-straight and dark brown, though the sunlight teased it out to a golden sheen. As she twirled around on the grass, it cascaded past her hips and swished freely in the wind, almost like it had a life of its own. Other times, it would be crimped or in soft curls, in a bob with blonde tips or, toward the end of her life, dyed scarlet. “Everyone, no matter what their gender or sexuality, knew her,” Jones, 25, said. “She was loved and never did nothing to nobody. So it was a shock.”

Jones said Stanton never had a bad word to say about anyone and was a family-first person. She lived with her mother, step-dad and four siblings, and every day she told her mom she loved her. Whenever someone was short on money, she always paid for that person’s meal or drinks. “There was a sweet spirit about her,” Jones said. “Always inspirational or encouraging. She was always living life.” Stanton also loved to travel, Jones said. One of her favorite destinations was New York City, where she’d go shopping and restock her much-coveted wardrobe. “She was a girl who loved style,” Wade said. “She was trying to live her best life. It was like a breath of fresh air.”

Vontashia Bell, United States

Vontashia Bell, 18, suffered a fatal gunshot wound August 30 in Shreveport, La. She was found on the street early that morning and pronounced dead at a local hospital. Police and media misgendered her, but a Louisiana activist organization identified her correctly. Bell’s death “is a reminder of the current climate and national discourse on trans issues,” said the release from Louisiana Trans Advocates. “Dehumanizing language and actions lower the barriers to this kind of senseless violence.” The group called on city and state officials to condemn anti-trans discrimination and violence and to work against institutional racism. Police have yet to make an arrest but have asked the public for help in identifying a suspect.

Shantee Tucker, United States

Shantee Tucker, 30, was shot to death September 5 on a Philadelphia street by someone firing from inside a pickup truck. Witnesses had seen her arguing with the person in the truck just before she was shot, and police believe she knew her killer. The police also said they don't think the attack was motivated by her gender identity, but her friends and trans activists don't agree. Friends recalled Tucker, who worked in a beauty supply store, as a sincere and down-to-earth person.

Tucker had just celebrated a birthday.

London Moore, United States

London Moore, 20, was found shot to death September 8 in North Port, Fla. Her car was found the next day at a different location. Police said the crime was an isolated incident and that they believe she knew her killer, who remains at large.

On September 1, Moore posted on her Facebook that she was “going to give this whole love thing one more chance.”

“Wish me luck,” she added.

Ms Columbia, United States

Residents of Queens are reacting with shock and grief at the news that Miss Colombia, a colorfully attired Jackson Heights personality who was a fixture at LGBTQ Pride celebrations and other gatherings, was found dead in the waters off Jacob Riis Park in the early morning hours of October 4. Miss Colombia, aka Osvaldo Gomez, preferred male pronouns and was an attorney in his native Medellín, Colombia, arriving in the US in the 1970s fleeing persecution in his homeland, he stated in 2015 in the video documentary series “No Your City.” He was 64. At an evening vigil on October 5 in Jackson Heights, out gay City Councilmember Daniel Dromm of Jackson Height said Miss Colombia “was an iconic figure in the LGBT community and beyond. She was beloved by all who saw her in the streets, at parades, and in the neighborhood wearing her colorful outfits and a bird on her shoulder. Her cheerfulness and ability to bring a smile to the faces of all who met her will be missed by all New Yorkers. I remember marching with Miss Colombia at the first Queens Pride Parade and at other parades across the city, including the India Day Parade and the Chinese New Year Parade, among others. While life did not always treat Miss Colombia with all the respect she was due, New Yorkers will remember Miss Colombia as a hero to everyone. May Miss Colombia rest in peace.”

Nikki Janelle Enriquez, United States

Nikki Janelle Enriquez, 28, of Laredo, Texas, was found dead near Interstate 35 in south Texas September 15. She has been shot in the head. Juan David Ortiz, 35, an intelligence supervisor for the U.S. Border Patrol, is charged with murdering Enriquez and three other women. Police and prosecutors are calling the murders a serial killing spree in which Ortiz singled out sex workers. They have not ruled out the possibility that there are other victims. Enriquez, so far the only known transgender victim, was described by family members as “very outgoing,” “always smiling,” and “loved by the gay community.”

Ciara Minaj Carter Frazier, United States

Ciara Minaj Carter Frazier, 31, was stabbed to death in Chicago the night of October 3. She was found in the backyard of an abandoned house and pronounced dead at the scenc. Police believe her killer was a man she had been arguing with at the house, but they have yet to apprehend him. Her death came just over a month after the fatal shooting of transgender Chicagoan Deejay Stanton. “It feels like we are being targeted,” LaSaia Wade, executive director of Chicago trans organization Brave Space Alliance, told the Chicago Sun-Times. She knew Frazier through the local ball scene. “I’m frustrated and upset with the lack of cases turning around,” she continued. “There is a lack of [concern for] our safety from police.”

Jessie Sumlar, United States

On July 19, 30-year-old Jessie Sumlar was found stabbed to death in Jacksonville, Florida. According to loved ones, Sumlar regularly performed in drag and identified as queer. A friend writes: “I will miss you so much! I looked forward to seeing your beautiful smile! You were such a kind and thoughtful person. Rest with Jesus my beautiful Jessie! Youve impacted more lives with smiles and good purpose than you know. Ill never forget your warm touches on my shoulder and soft voice and how you ALWAYS spoke to everybody when you entered the room.”

Roxsana Hernandez, United States

Roxsana Hernandez died while in the custody of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement after fleeing violence and discrimination in Honduras.

Hernandez recently petitioned for asylum after traveling as part of a caravan of migrants fleeing violence in Central America.

Roxana Hernández reportedly died from HIV-related complications following an alleged five-day detention in what’s known by immigrant rights groups as the “ice box” – Ice detention facilities notorious for their freezing temperatures.

Four months before joining the caravan, Hernandez said, she was walking home when MS-13 gang members started screaming "We don't want you in this neighborhood, you fucking faggot" at her before gang-raping her. "Four of them raped me and as a result I got HIV," Hernandez told BuzzFeed News. "Trans people in my neighborhood are killed and chopped into pieces, then dumped inside potato bags." Standing in front of a church in Puebla, Mexico, playing with a silver cross around her neck, Hernandez said that gangs had continued to threaten her and told her she had to leave the area where she lived in Honduras. "I didn't want to come to Mexico — I wanted to stay in Honduras but I couldn't," Hernandez said. "They kill trans people in Honduras. I'm scared of that." Hernandez said she was able to put some money together to head to Guatemala. Her plan was to return to the US, from which she had previously been deported three times. She had some family in the US but said they did not accept her because she was trans. From Guatemala she went to Mexico, where she eventually linked up with the caravan of 1,200 to 1,500 migrants heading north.

Mondragón said Hernandez had been sick when she turned herself in to US border authorities but was in good spirits. "She told me she loved me. She had courage, but was nervous at the thought of entering the US again," Mondragón said. "I'll remember her as a timid, respectful person, always giving the other girls advice and sharing her food."

Vanessa Campos, 36, a trans woman working as a prostitute, was shot dead on August 17 in Paris' bois de Boulogne. She was originally from Peru and had been living in Paris for two years. The police initially referred to her as a "male transvestite".

Local media reports said Ms Campos had been attempting to prevent one of her clients from being mugged before she was fatally shot in the chest.

“Vanesa was a very soft person,” says Rincon. “She was good at listening. After the death of her father back in Peru, Vanesa took on the role of breadwinner and she was still sending money home to her family.”

“When I went back to the forest a few weeks ago for the memorial, I saw how Vanesa and her friends had tried to make it safer to work,” Rincon says. She explains that the area is dark and isolated but the women had set up battery-operated lights, brought water bottles and made a makeshift shelter so they’d have privacy with clients and avoid being arrested under French exhibitionism laws frequently used to target sex workers. “Vanesa’s friends have to keep working there, in the place where she was murdered,” Rincon says. “It's now a communal cemetery, with candles and people going there to pray.”

Four unknown women, India

Following a false rumor that transgender women were kidnapping children for sex trafficking in Hyderabad, four transgender women were attacked by a mob on May 26, 2018. One of the women died. Local police issued an "Appeal to Public" saying that the rumors of criminal involvement by transgender women were "fake" and that the public should not "take law into your hands...so that innocents won't become a victim of those rumors anymore.

Naomi Hersi, United Kingdom

Naomi Hersi, 36, was found stabbed to death at Heathrow Palace in London at 10:30 on Sunday 18 March 2018. Jesse McDonald, 24, from Hounslow, has been charged with murder. A 17-year-old girl, who cannot be named for legal reasons, was released on bail after being charged with assisting an offender.

Naomi who lived in Mill Hill, north London, was described on social media as a “tennis lover, music junkie, film and tv addict”. She was of Somali origin who had lived in the United States before returning to the UK. One neighbour said: “She was fun to be around and a real character. She was into music and tennis. She was a nice person.” Another neighbour said: “Naomi was a flamboyant, lovely fun person. I think she had problems in her life but was well liked. We are devastated to lose a friend and neighbour.”

In April, a transgender woman was shot dead in Pakistan, making her the 56th trans person to be killed in the Khyber Pakhtunkhwa region in the last three years. Sheena, who lived in the Shewa area, was allegedly attacked by a group of armed men who beat her up and then shot her dead on Sunday night.

Sheena, Pakistan

Unknown woman, Pakistan

August: Police in Peshawar, Pakistan, have arrested two suspects in the killing and dismemberment of a transgender woman, with one found carrying a shopping bag containing the victim’s body parts. The victim, identified only as Nazo, was shot to death late Thursday, and her body was then “hacked to pieces,” Radio Free Europe reports, citing an interview that Police Superintendent Cantt Waseem Riaz gave to Pakistani media.

Unknown woman, Pakistan

September: A transgender woman in Pakistan has died after being set afire by four men when she resisted sexual assault. The men had taken the woman to an isolated area in the city of Sahiwal, in the eastern part of the nation last Thursday, The Times of India reports. She fought back when they tried to assault her, and then they set her on fire. She suffered burns on 80 percent of her body and died while being transported to a hospital.

Sheila, a transgender woman and sex worker, was shot in the streets of Tepic on March 14, 2018.

Yoselyn, Mexico

Yoselyn, a transgender woman and sex worker, was found beheaded inside the room of a short stay motel in Álamo, Veracruz on April 5, 2018. She was seen with a client who left before the corpse was found.

Gretchen Alina, Mexico

Gretchen Alina, a transgender woman and drag queen show performer was strangled to death in Monterrey on April 10, 2018. She performed as Lorena Hererra.

Yamileth Quintero, Mexico

Yamileth Quintero, a transgender woman and beauty queen was shot in Culiacan after an encounter with a man she had met online, May 24, 2018.

Nataly Briyth Sánchez, Mexico

Nataly Briyth Sánchez, an undocumented sex worker originally from Honduras, was murdered during a sexual encounter on June 19, 2018 in Tapachula. The client stabbed her to death after discovering that she was transgender.[285]

Katty, Mexico

Katty, a transgender woman and sex worker was shot by an unknown man at a nightclub in Yautepec de Zaragoza on June 27, 2018.[286]\

Chanel, Mexico

Chanel, a 45 year-old transexual sex worker, was shot in the streets of Toluca, July 18, 2018.

Alaska Contreras Ponce, Mexico

Alaska Contreras Ponce, 25, a transgender beauty queen and sex worker, was found dead with her neck sliced by barbed wire after gruesome torture in Martinez de la Torre, July 25, 2018.[288]

Juan C.M., Mexico

Juan C. M., a 24 year old transgender woman and local taxi driver, was found dead in Santa Maria Atzompa on August 12, 2018. Apparently, she had a gunshot wound.

Samuel Santolli, Mexico

Samuel Santolli, a transgender woman and sex worker, was stabbed to death by her lover, a Salvadorian gang member in Tapachula, May 26, 2018.[290]

Diego Armando Sanchez Medina, Mexico

Diego Armando Sanchez Medina, 32, a transgender woman and hairdresser, was shot 28 times by armed men in Guadalajara, August 27, 2018.[291]

Arturo, Mexico

April 27th, 2018: Arturo, a trans woman, was found in the entrance to a field Villa de los Belenes neighborhood of the municipality of Zapopan .

#names #troe2018 #violence #violence tw #transmisogyny #TDOR #ancestors

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maealbert · 6 years

Text

The Liaison // Accident

AU Characters: Team x OC (Lucy De Luca) A/N: Short people should never climb on chairs! Chairs are death straps! Master List The Liaison

tag list: @idkbutspencer @literallyprentissstwin @remember-me-forever-silent-angel @cynbx @tenaciousarcadeexpert @rawritsmolly @dontshootmespence @princesswagger15 @drspencerreider @illegalcerebral @marvelfanlife @rt8815 @punkpenguin2019 @extremeobsessions101

Previously on..

“What? You’ve never seen twins before?”

“No, it’s just…. Uh, I didn’t really think my mom was right.”

“Okay, I know I’m legally insane, but I wouldn’t joke about this.” Diana says as she walks over to her bed.

“The only difference is that she has blue eyes and you have dark.” Spencer says still looking between the two women.

“Contacts.” They said simultaneously. Spencer still wasn’t sure what the hell was going on. Was he really awake or was this all a dream?

As Rose and Lucy sat in the living room catching up on each other, JJ stood in the kitchen with the others watching them as they laughed and joked with each other. Just like Spencer, no one could believe that Lucy has a twin sister. “If Rose wasn’t wearing contacts, I don’t think I could tell them apart.” Emily whispers to Rossi.

“How did this even come about?” Tara asks Spencer.

“We went to see my mother and she told us that a nurse kept telling her how much she looked like my mother’s new doctor. Well… Sure enough..” Spencer says.

“I never knew she had a twin.. It’s not in her file.” Emily says.

“That’s because according to Rose, her parents were told that Rose was pronounced dead at birth so Lucy’s parents never knew she was really alive.”

“What the..” Luke says rubbing his temples. “How did they not know that she was alive?”

“She wasn’t responding to anything they were doing.”

“So no one contacted Lucy’s parents about this?”

Spencer shakes her head. “Hospitals are strange places. Babies being switched at birth can be more common than a baby cheating death.”

“So what is it like working for the FBI? Is it really as gruesome as it is on television?” Rose says.

“It can be. But I don’t always go to the crime scene.” Lucy says shrugging her shoulders. “I deal mostly with choosing what cases the team takes on and communicating with the police before, during, and after the case making sure everything goes smoothly.”

“So you get to decide what the public knows and doesn’t know?”

Lucy nods her head. “But it’s a lot harder than you might think. People talk and I’ve had a few officers leak cases even though we want to keep in unwraps until we know exactly what is going on.”

“And I thought my job was hard.” Rose says shaking her head. “So I’ve been wanting to ask.. When can I meet our parents?”

Lucy looks down at her lap. This was the subject she was hoping would never be brought up. Rubbing the back of her neck, she shakes her head. “I was hoping this wouldn’t come up.”

“What do you mean?” Rose says cocking her head to the side. “They are my parents. Why wouldn’t I want to ask about them?”

“Uh because.. It’s… It’s a lot harder to talk about..”

“Are they bad? Were they mean?”

“No no!” Lucy exclaims shaking her head. “It’s just… I barely knew our mother.. She left when I was three years old so I only really knew our father..” Lucy took in a deep breath before looking over at Spencer. Standing up from the couch, she takes Rose by the hand and leads her into her bedroom. She pulled out different photo albums from the shelf in her closet. She opened one and the first page was a photo of her mother, Margaret dressed in a flowered dress holding Lucy in her arms with Josh and AJ standing on either side of her. The photo was taken right after Lucy’s baptismal. Something her father’s grandparents were serious about. “This is our mother.. Although now she has gray hair, wrinkles, and in a mental hospital.”

“What’s her name?” Rose asks.

“Margaret..”

“De Luca.. Right?”

“Yeah, how’d you know? I never told you my last name.” Lucy says.

“That’s because your mother is in the same ward as Diana. She isn’t my patient but I’ve seen her records. She’s our mother?” Lucy nods her head. “How long has she been diagnosed?”

“Apparently since I was born. Growing up, dad always told us kids that she left us because she didn’t want to be a mother anymore but then I found out that he sent her away because he was afraid she was dangerous to be around us. I grew hating her because I thought she didn’t love us anymore..”

“But she’s not dangerous.”

Lucy shakes her head. “She came back because she needed help. She wasn’t getting the right treatment back in Dallas where she had moved to so she showed up at dad’s funeral..”

“Funeral?” Rose says looking up from the photo album. “He’s dead?”

Lucy nodded her head as she looked down at the other photo album opened on her lap. She looked at a photo of her father. He was dressed in his Marine uniform having just gotten back from his tour overseas. He had Lucy placed on his shoulders, a big smile on his face and an American flag in Lucy’s hand. She could remember that day like it was yesterday. The enormous crowd, the many American flags being waved in the air by families waiting for their loved ones to arrive. She remembered being too tiny to see her father through the crowd of people. Their grandfather hoisted her up on his shoulders so she could search for their father. Soon she could see him amongst the other Marines as they marched their way into the airport hanger. He was the only one sporting a pink bracelet on his wrist. The same bracelet that Lucy had made for him during arts and crafts time and had sent to him with her letter. “I see him! I see him!” She gets down from her grandfather’s shoulders and begins pushing her way through the crowd until she saw her father standing over stop of her. A smile spreads across her face. “Daddy!” His chuckle fills her ears as if he’s in the bedroom with her. Gasping she wipes her eyes and closes the photo album.

“He passed last year during his tour. He was...killed...actually..” Another tear slipped down Lucy’s cheek and she quickly wiped away. “But he would’ve loved to meet you, I know it. And mom.. Gosh she isn’t going to believe this is real..no pun intended. But she’s going to meet her other daughter..”

“She still thinks I’m dead..” Rose softly spoke as she closed the photo album on her lap. Suddenly her pager beeped in the pocket of her jacket. Pulling it out, she looks at it and sighs. “I have to go.. There’s an emergency at the hospital.”

“Diana?”

Rose shakes her head. “No, no. I’d know if it were her. I’ll call you, okay? Maybe we can get together again. Maybe grab something to eat or do some shopping. I’m an only child so I didn’t get to do much like siblings would have.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll let you know when I’m free next.” Lucy says as she gets off the bed. “Oh! Uh, here’s my number by the way.” Lucy says pulling out her wallet. “It’s my work card but it’s has my office, my cell, my email. And if we’re not on a case, you can always call me or come for a visit. I’d like to buy you lunch sometime.”

“And maybe a little shopping?”

Lucy smiles and nods her head. “Sure why not?”

Rose smiles. “Good, I’ll see you later then.” As she leaves the room, Lucy leaves her bedroom as well to find the team still surrounding the kitchen island.

“Lucy, are you okay?” Spencer asks as he walks over to her. She looks at Spencer, the smile growing bigger on her face. She threw her arms around him as she squealed in excitement. “I take that a yes.”

“Oh I am so over the moon right now!” Lucy exclaims. She pulls away from him. “It’s like we’ve known each other for years! I mean… Seeing Rossi for the first time in God know how long doesn’t compare to how this feeling is between me and Rose. I mean.. I have a sister! After all these years have this feeling that I wasn’t alone always bugged me. You know like how twins have like this telepathy feelings?”

“Yeah?” Spencer says.

“Well that’s how I’ve been feeling for my whole life. I knew there was something odd. Now it makes sense.”

“Lucy, I know you’re excited about this and I hate to be the one to burst your bubble but--”

“But? But what Spencer?”

“What are the odds that she shows up now? Of all this time and NOW she shows up? If she really was searching for you like she said she was, she would’ve found you by now.”

“But my records are sealed, Spencer. You know that.”

“I do..”

“So why are you questioning why she showed up now?”

“I just think it’s weird.”

“For once, can I just be happy?” Lucy says. “Every time something good happens to me, something bad always takes its place. When I got the job with the BAU? My dad dies. Finally reconnect with my mother? She tells me she’s schizophrenic and her psycho sister murders eleven couples. I find the love of my life and get pregnant with his child but what happens? I have a miscarriage. Now my twin sister comes into my life after being pronounced dead for twenty-eight years and you’re questioning why she showed up now?”

“Luce--”

“No, just stop. Let me please just be happy for once. That’s all I want.” Lucy says before going back into her bedroom and closing the door. Spencer looks at the others. JJ shrugs her shoulders.

“Guys, we should leave.” Emily suggests. “Give them space to figure this out.”

Spencer walks over to the bedroom knocking on the door. “Lucy.. Open up..”

“Go away.. I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Lucy, please? I’m sorry. I’m very protective.”

The door swings open. “Protective? Over what? She’s my sister! I saw her records. Everything is real, Spencer. She’s my sister, whether she showed up when we were eighteen or now.” But before he could utter a word, she slams the door again in his face.

Huffing, he goes to the hall closet and grabs a spare blanket before going back to the couch. He turned on the tv keeping the volume as a minimum as to not upset Lucy more than he already had. Picking the clothes from her floor, Lucy tosses them into the hamper. Lucy was the kind of angry that made her want to clean. So she decided tidy up the bedroom. Taking the photo albums back to the closet, she stands on her desk chair to put them on the shelf. Feeling the chair wobbling underneath she tries to steady herself. Unfortunately the chair had other plans.

Spencer perked up when he heard a loud thud coming from the bedroom. Jumping off the couch he runs into the bedroom to see Lucy laying on her back clutching her arm to her chest. “What happened?” He asks helping her off the floor. She was already crying from the pain shooting through her arm.

She sniffled still keeping her grip on her arm. “I...I tried to p-put the ph-ph-photo albums back i-i-in the closet…” She took in a shaky breath. “A-And the chair f-fell out from u-under me.”

“Can you move your arm?” He asks. Lucy shakes her head not letting go of her arm. “Let me check it out.” He says gently placing his hands around her arm.

“No..No..” She says violently shaking her head and moving away from him. “It really hurts.”

“I have to move it to feel if it’s broken. I promise I’ll go slow and carefully, alright?” He says reaching out for her arm again. He moves her hand away and gently begins to straighten out her arm.

“No no! Stop!” Lucy cries out.

“Okay okay,” Spencer says taking his hands away. “We should get you to the hospital.”

_______

Sitting in the waiting room, he kept hearing her still sniffling and still clutching her arm to her chest. “Hey, I came as I got the page.” Rose says as she runs through the waiting room. “What happened?”

“She was cleaning the room and tried putting the photo albums back onto the shelf in the closet and the chair gave out from under her.” Spencer explained.

“Did you try catching yourself?” Rose asks Lucy.

Lucy shakes her head. “It happened so fast… I d-didn’t know anything h-had happened until my arm started hurting. I-I-I couldn’t move it.”

“Is she checked in yet?” Rose asks Spencer.

Spencer nods his head. “They told us to wait out here until they could get a room open.”

Rose nods her head as she feels around Lucy’s arm. Lucy winced as she held on tightly to Spencer’s hand. He could see tears start to fall down her cheeks. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kissed her forehead. “I feel like I’m comforting my daughter.” He jokes hoping to make her laugh.

“Shut up..” She says trying to keep herself from laughing. “It hurts.” He hears her voice rise indicating that she was still upset.

“Well I can see the bruising around your forearm but we’ll know for sure how bad the break is once we get an X-ray.” Rose says as she stands up. “I’ll send out a nurse to take you two back to the room so we can your x-rays while we wait for a room to open up. Hopefully one will be ready when we finish.”

“Sounds good.” Spencer says.

“Do you want any ice, Luce?” Rose asks. Lucy shakes her head as she rests it on Spencer’s shoulder.

________________

Luckily a room opened up as soon as they finished taking x-rays of Lucy’s arms. The same nurse who escorted them back took them to the open room. “You still look shaken up.” The nurse says. “Would you like some water?” Lucy nods her head. They had her put her arm into a sling until the Orthopedic doctor can mold a cast on her arm. Shortly after the nurse had left the room, a knock comes on the door before the doctor peers his head inside.

“Lucy De Luca?” Lucy nods her head and he steps into the room. “It’s a good thing your sister caught me before I left. She explained to me how you broke your arm. How do you feel right now?”

“Kind of numb.” Lucy softly spoke.

“Must be the small dose of morphine they gave you to help with the pain. I know mostly kids like to pick out their color for their cast.” He says with a chuckle. “But do you want to pick one out?”

“How excited would Garcia be if you chose pink?” Spencer chuckles making Lucy smile.

“I take it that pink is the choice?” The doctor asks again. Lucy nods her head with a small giggle.

“Is Garcia your daughter?” The doctor asks as he carefully takes Lucy’s arm out of the cast.

Lucy shakes her head. “She’s our technical analyst.” She says.

“Who do you two work?”

“The BAU.”

“Oh so FBI? That must be fun. I thought about joining the Bureau after the military but I’m not sure how I could be away from my family for so long on cases. So I became a doctor. A lot of work too but I’m just glad I get to see my kids at night. Do you two have kids?”

Lucy shakes her head again. “Not yet.”

“Well I looked at your medical records and there’s mention of your ever breaking a bone. You had a minor sprain on your right left ankle when you were sixteen. So this is probably a lot different than a sprain for you.” He says carefully spreading the mold around her arm. “So this case is going to stop on your forearm because your only had a hairline fracture just below your wrist so you won’t need one on your whole arm. You’ll be able to still move your arm, you just can’t pick up anything with this hand, alright?” Lucy nods her head. “I am going to let this dry for ten minutes before taking it off again to dry the inside out and then I’ll wrap the tape around it.”

___________

Sitting in the car, Spencer pulled out his phone and turned the camera on. It still amazes Lucy that he finally has a smartphone. “We should send a photo to the team.” He says. “I want to see how they react.” They both smile big as Lucy hold her broken wrist in the air. He snaps the picture before captioning it and sending it out to the team. Instantly a message popped up from Luke.

‘What the hell happened?!’ - LA

‘Are you shitting me?!’ - EP

‘This why we can’t leave either of you by yourselves.’ - JJ

‘Should I even ask?’ - DR

‘My poor baby! I’m coming over! I must be the first one to sign your cast!’ - PG

‘I just.. I don’t understand.. How?’ - MS

‘Do you get Dr. Ryland? He’s really cute ;)’ - PG

‘Excuse me?’ - SR

‘Sorry boy wonder but he is cute.’ - PG

Lucy giggled before typing her response. “Let’s just say that my desk chair hates me… And no Garcia, we didn’t Dr. Ryland. We had Dr. Poole.’ - LDL

‘Ooooo he’s cute too!’ - PG

‘Again I say, excuse me?’ - SR

‘Relax boy wonder, we all know that Lucy had the hots for you.’ - PG

‘Boy do we..lol.’ - JJ

‘I wish I didn’t..’ - EP

‘So does this mean I get to stay longer?’ - AH

‘AARON! Didn’t we just discuss this?!’ - EP

‘Oooooo someone’s in trouble ;)’ - LA

‘Hey, it was an innocent question.’ - AH

‘We’ll see you all work tomorrow.’ - LDL

‘Aaron, you better call me.’ - EP

If you liked this part, than please be sure to leave it some love and feedback!

Thank you! :)

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rockrevoltmagazine · 7 years

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INTERVIEW: Aaron Bruch of Breaking Benjamin

To hear Aaron Bruch tell it, he’s one of the most fortunate people on the planet doing the job he’s wanted to do since he was fifteen years old. Coming up through the cover band scene of Pennsylvania, he worked his ass off to get to where he is today – bassist for one of the most popular hard-rock bands in the game: Breaking Benjamin. We had the chance to sit down and talk with Bruch about everything from his history in the music business to family life and touring. Extremely humble and ridiculously talented bassists like Bruch don’t always get the attention and spotlight they deserve. And we say, it’s time for that to change.

Aaron Bruch

Aaron Bruch was fifteen when he got his first bass and considers himself a late starter, compared to some other musicians who feel as if they were born with their instruments in their hands. Bruch grew up poor and couldn’t afford much. So, presents like his first bass were a big deal to him. His bass, a black-with-red-crackle C. F. Martin Stinger five string (which he still owns but hasn’t played in years) went with him everywhere. He explains, “I was that kid who walked to the mall to hang out with my friends, wearing and playing my bass as I walked.” His bass was an instant attachment to him. He knew right away that he wanted to play bass for a living.

Understandably, the thought of her son as a starving musician didn’t thrill his mom, who had bought him the bass. “School already wasn’t super important to me, and once she added the bass to my life, she’d hoped it would make me focus on school more,” he says. Needless to say, it didn’t. Bruch had his eyes on the prize, and his bass became his life.

Unable to afford an amp, Bruch was at first hindered from the thriving cover band scene where he lived. He chuckles, “It was just me trying to tune my bass the best I could. I’d sit in front of my stereo and play along with the tape I was listening to.” Eventually, though, the tides turned for Bruch.

In 1996, Bruch tabled the idea of being a full-time musician and got a “real” job in a factory. He and his wife became parents to a baby girl, and priorities had switched. On July 3, 1999, “I went home and told my wife that I was laid off. She said, ‘Well, you should probably find a band and see if you can make the full time musician thing work.’” He feels truly blessed by his wife’s support, patience, and sacrifices for him to do what he loves and make his passion his living. Bruch says proudly, “We wouldn’t be where we are without her.”

As he searched for a band to play with, Bruch consulted a local entertainment magazine. There, he found a booking agency with an ad for bands looking for bass players. One band was a Dave Matthews Tribute band. He was told by the agent that he’d make the most money with them, so he should probably audition. Another band was advertised: Plan 9. The agent told him, “There’s this band called Plan 9. They are not good. Don’t even go see them.”

A few months later, that band changed their name to Breaking Benjamin. Bruch laughs, “And I didn’t even go see them.” He had a kid – he needed something that would pay the bills, and the prospect for playing for a band that wasn’t good didn’t really thrill him. “Don’t necessarily listen to your agent all the time,” he warns. “They don’t know everything.”

Aaron Bruch

As a member of the Dave Matthews Tribute band, Bruch made more money than he did in any other “real” job. It was with this band that he taught himself how to play guitar and started to flex his vocal muscles behind the mic. Bruch was in this band when he got a call from his friend named Bug. Bug asked him to come check out his new band at the Voodoo Lounge in Luzerne, Pennsylvania.

It seems Fate once again had her hand on Bruch’s shoulder as he realized that this band was, indeed, Breaking Benjamin. The night he met and talked with the guys in the band, they called him up to play “Mudshovel” by Staind. That stands as the first song he played with Breaking Benjamin. A few weeks later, he went down and saw them play again. Ben (Burnley) asked him to sing with them and play some more covers. This was the beginning of his lifelong friendship – and working relationship – with Burnley.

Bruch left the Dave Matthews Tribute band due to disagreements about financial dealings. This journey led him to a few other bands before he landed where he is today. Musically, Bruch had hit his stride. In bands such as Our After, State of Mind, and Pan.a.ce.a, he was able to find his comfort zone playing music that aligned better with his musical tastes. “Yes, I like Dave Matthews. I would never say I don’t. Yes, I know how to play way more songs by him than I should,” he laughs.

Bruch took a job where he sold instruments and gave lessons at Wayne’s World Music in Dallas, Pennsylvania. It was here that Bruch discovered a passion he hadn’t known – teaching! He loved giving lessons and helping musicians find their own way with their instruments. Consequently, it is something he also loves doing to this day. It was in the shop, during a lesson in 2010, that Bruch got the call from Burnley that led him to Breaking Benjamin.

At that time, Breaking Benjamin was finishing their Dear Agony tour. Burnley asked Bruch if he’d come out and play some acoustic solo shows with him while on break from touring. As a band, Breaking Benjamin had taken a break. Meanwhile, Burnley planned to take time off to focus on his ongoing health issues. Burnley traveled to hospitals and specialist clinics across the country in order to gain answers to his health issues. Unfortunately, these answers he still has not received to this day. Burnley had some ideas of some covers he wanted to do that needed more than one voice to sing. And, he knew Bruch had just the voice the songs needed.

Jasen Rauch and Aaron Bruch

On July 9 and 10, 2010, Burnley and Bruch took to the stage for two acoustic shows – the latter at the now-closed down Showboat Casino in Atlantic City. “That was the most fun I ever had playing music up to that point. In a lot of my previous bands, I was called hard to work with. And people have notoriously said that Ben is as well,” he says, thoughtfully. “I think that’s why it worked so well. We had faith that if we took care of our part, the other person would take care of his. And there would be nothing to worry about.” It was in those two shows that the relationship between Burnley and Bruch was cemented. They knew that they would want to work together in the future.

After the previous iteration of Breaking Benjamin ended, Burnley reached out to Bruch. “Ben was like, ‘We’re going to do this.’ Obviously, from our history together and always wanting to work together, it was going to happen. Me being a fan of the band helped with that,” Bruch explains. Burnley knew that Bruch had the talent he wanted. Thus, they started playing together in his basement with a PA system. Burnley released a handful of videos of the two playing together on the band’s Facebook page. They utilized ProTools in order to fill in the guitar and drum parts on some songs. And, the two jammed together quite well. “We were karaoke rehearsing at first,” Bruch laughs. “It was pretty cool.”

They knew that they were on to something bigger than themselves, so they looked for others to join them. That’s when Shaun (Foist), Keith (Wallen), and Jasen (Rauch) entered the picture. As a result, the band’s lineup was cemented. Bruch says, “Even through the whole process of the limited amount of people we did end up auditioning for guitar players, whatever decisions were made, Ben would always say, ‘we.’ And he never said, ‘me.’ He would always ask for my opinion and thoughts. He didn’t have to do that. Still to this day, we make decisions as a band. He always asks us our opinions.”

Ben Burnley and Aaron Bruch

Something else was also very important to Burnley in making the decisions for the band. He wanted members who could sing as well as they play their instruments. This led Burnley to welcome Bruch (and Wallen) to take the mic and sing during their live performances. “With the addition of the third guitar and other vocalists, it opens up the possibilities of what the band can do and be,” Bruch says. Burnley also showcased Bruch and Wallen on backup vocals on their album, Dark Before Dawn. “Ben has an iconic voice, and for him to allow Keith and I to add ours to that sound is something he didn’t have to do,” Bruch explains. “That was the first time that a voice other than Ben’s was on an album. It was a cool thing.”

On their sixth album, currently in progress in the studio, fans can expect to hear Bruch and Wallen on vocals again. When discussing the new album, Bruch is decidedly vague and a little coy. “I’m really excited about the new album. There are a lot of cool things on it I really like. All I can tell you is that it has songs on it. It contains music.” It is reasonably assumed that all of the secrets he is keeping regarding the album will be better than fans can expect when released.

When it comes to touring, Breaking Benjamin is currently on a break before they head to Europe later this summer. “All I know is that at the end of July, Ben is getting on a boat. And a week after that, I am getting on a plane. And we’ll be in Europe for six weeks,” he says with a laugh. With shows already planned in the UK, Russia, and Poland among others, their second trip overseas promises one hell of a ride for Bruch and his brothers in Breaking Benjamin.

Aaron Bruch

Last year was their first overseas experience. Bruch describes it as surreal. “We’d go to these countries where they do not speak English as their first language, and they sang every word back to us. They even sang guitar parts!” he exclaims, still seemingly in disbelief. The crowds over there were rowdy and amazing. And massive. “Our bigger festivals on the East Coast are Rock on the Range and Carolina Rebellion. But then, we go to Download (Donington, UK), and there were 300,000 people! It was so overwhelming. I was like, ‘What is happening?’” Bruch says that he could feel the weight of the history over there. “Seeing buildings that were older than our country we live in elicited genuine feelings from all of us. It was crazy,” he states.

While Bruch doesn’t have a dream tour lineup he’d want to be a part of, he’d love to tour with Deftones. “We’ve been very fortunate to tour with some of my favorite bands ever, which has been awesome. There is another side of touring that goes beyond being around a band you love to see. You want to be on the road with people whom you get along with.” And, he sees Deftones as a good fit. “Please, Deftones. Let’s do this,” he laughs.

Another good fit for Breaking Benjamin are their “brothers in Starset.” “We toured with them for about a year – we even drug them around Europe with us. And when you tour with someone for as long as we did with them, and on the next tour they weren’t there, it felt like something was missing. It was very weird,” he reminisces. “They are a good fit with us. They have the science fiction thing going on, and we’re big nerds. So, it works.” And this writer thinks a Starset/Breaking Benjamin/Deftones tour would be one hell of a show!

Bruch says that touring and leaving his family behind is a little bit easier today than in the past. That’s thanks to modern technology. Bands previously would tour and only call home from pay phones or hotel phones. If the call was missed, they couldn’t talk to their family. Now, with Facetime and the like, Bruch can be away from home but still see everyone and feel like a part of family life. “I am on the phone all the time,” he laughs. “Ben constantly picks on me for it. I’ll walk in, and he’ll be like, ‘Shouldn’t you be on the phone?’”

Aaron Bruch

For Bruch, being “just Dad” at home is the best. “With my daughters (one graduating high school and another entering her junior year of college), I played gigs at night. So, during the day I was home. They got to see Dad every day.” He has a son who just graduated Kindergarten, and Bruch almost missed his first t-ball game due to touring. “Thanks to rain outs, I got to see his first game. And he’s such a show-off. He runs the bases and does these little dances when he gets to base. This kid runs around and tries to high-five everybody. He is a walking excessive celebration penalty,” Bruch laughs. It is clear that being the best dad and husband he can be is important to him. When he talks about his family, the smile in his voice shines through.

The other thing that makes Bruch smile is his new bass. Bruch is an endorsed Ernie Ball musician. However, he worked with Matt Kiefer of Better Mousetrap Guitars, who he met at a VIP meet and greet experience for a Breaking Benjamin show, on his new bass. What took Kiefer two months to make is “a work of art. It sounds better than it looks, and I think it’s gorgeous. I love it. I couldn’t be happier with it.” Bruch is so happy with it that he is having Kiefer make him another one. This one is a five-string beauty with glow-in-the-dark fret markers on the side. “I am stoked. It’s amazing,” he says with a slight laugh. This is one bass this writer personally can’t wait to see.

Bruch credits the fans with the longevity of Breaking Benjamin. “Without them, there is no Breaking Benjamin.” Bruch says that they are incredibly blessed, surrounded by fans who really feel and connect with their music. He says the fans’ stories help the band remember that they have the “most incredible job in the world.” He meets and talks to fans from all over, and their stories stick with them.

At a show on their last tour, a veteran presented the band with his Purple Heart medal at their meet and greet experience. “We were all like, we can’t accept that. But, he told us he listened to Breaking Benjamin to get through his deployment and his subsequent recovery and rehab from his injuries. He said that he didn’t feel like he could move on with his life until we had that medal.” Bruch was humbled by that. “We hear countless stories of people facing incredible hardships, and that the band has helped them through them all. It is such an honor to meet them and learn their stories.” Bruch says that these moments move him, and he is grateful to be a part of the fans’ lives.

Aaron Bruch

When it comes to his band, “If I had to pick one thing I admire about them, I’d say first and foremost that they continue to put up with me.” Bruch laughingly admits he can be a lot to deal with. “Things come out of my mouth, and I don’t realize it until I say them.” Through it all, Bruch views the band as a family. “When we finished up this last run, I went up to Ben and said, ‘Dude, we’ve been touring together for three years. And it’s still just as much fun as when we started.’ And he looked at me and said, ‘Absolutely. That’s what happens when you tour with your best friends.’”

Bruch says every member of their crew and touring family is positive and upbeat, and everyone is super funny. “We do what we love and what we’ve dreamed of doing since we were children,” he laughs. He says everyone respects everyone else, and there is no drama. He credits their friendship and brotherhood as the reason why everything works as well for them as it does. “Anything that happens to one of us, happens to all of us. We are a family. And we want each other to succeed because when one of us succeeds, we all succeed.”

The strong bond between the members keeps them humble as well. “We have a common goal; there are no egos. We just are who we are and don’t pretend that we’re anyone we aren’t,” he states matter-of-factly. It is because of all of this that Bruch – and his bandmates – successfully maintain their status in the industry and give their all to their fans.

Aaron Bruch

When it comes to the fans, Bruch has a message for all: “Thank you and all the fans out there for supporting us through everything we do. Thank you for all that you guys do on a daily basis to make it possible for us to have the greatest job in the world. We are super excited to get this next album out to you guys, to get back out on the road, and to continue to play for the best fans in the world.” And while I can’t speak for everyone, I can speak for myself when I say, “Thank you, Aaron and Breaking Benjamin, for music that continues to inspire, touch, and connect with each of your fans, all over the world. Keep being who you are; the fans expect nothing less.”

Connect with Breaking Benjamin (click icons):

Interview by Devon Anderson, RockRevolt Managing Editor Non-RockRevolt Photos by Nicole Brennan, professional photographer

INTERVIEW: Aaron Bruch of Breaking Benjamin was originally published on RockRevolt Mag

#Aaron Bruch #bassist #Benjamin Burnley #Better Mousetrap #Breaking Benjamin #Dark Before Dawn #ERNIE BALL #Interview #Jasen Rauch #Keith Wallen #Nicole Brennan Photography #RockRevolt #RockRevolt Magazine #shaun foist

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LIVE: Protests rage across US amid tensions between protesters, police

People continue the second day of protests in Minneapolis on May 27, 2020, over the death of George Floyd.

ordan Strowder/Anadolu Agency via Getty Images

Thousands of protesters are marching in cities across the country.

Protests erupted in Minneapolis on Tuesday after a black man, George Floyd, was killed after a white police officer knelt on his neck for several minutes, as Floyd said he couldn’t breathe.

The death was caught on video, and prompted protests in Atlanta, New York, Los Angeles, Denver, Detroit, Dallas, Washington, DC, and other US cities on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.

Many of them also turned violent. A 19-year-old man was killed in Detroit after someone pulled up in an SUV and fired at protesters, and video showed a car plowing into protesters in California.

Minnesota activated its entire National Guard on Saturday to quell tensions in Minneapolis in the biggest protest response in the state’s history.

Follow our live updates below.

Visit Business Insider’s homepage for more stories.

A criminal complaint against the ex-police officer Derek Chauvin said George Floyd’s preliminary autopsy showed no signs of traumatic asphyxia or strangulation. Floyd’s family criticized the finding and said they’re seeking an independent autopsy.

A still from a video that was taken of the arrest of George Floyd, who later died in custody.

Darnella Frazier/Facebook

A criminal complaint against former Minneapolis police officer, Derek Chauvin, said George Floyd was “non-responsive” for nearly three minutes before Chauvin took his knee off his neck.

The complaint also cited a preliminary autopsy report and said there were “no physical findings that support a diagnosis of traumatic asphyxia or strangulation” — a finding that immediately prompted skepticism and condemnation from Floyd’s family.

The complaint said Floyd died from a “combined effect of being restrained, his underlying health conditions, and any potential intoxicants in his system,” though no toxicology results have been reported and could still take weeks.

Benjamin Crump, the attorney representing Floyd’s family, criticized the medical examiner for failing to “address in detail the effect of the purposeful use of force on Mr. Floyd’s neck and the extent of Mr. Floyd’s suffering at the hands of the police.”

Floyd’s family will commission an independent medical examiner to conduct a separate autopsy, Crump said.

“We are not surprised yet we are tragically disappointed in the preliminary autopsy finding released today by the medical examiner,” Crump said. “We hope that this does not reflect efforts to create a false narrative for the reason George Floyd died.”

Minnesota officials previously said at a 1: 30 a.m. news conference on Saturday that they authorized the largest National Guard deployment in state history.

Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz at a press conference early May 30, 2020.

KARE 11/YouTube

Protests in Minneapolis ramped up despite the city’s imposition of a curfew between 8 p.m. Friday and 6 a.m. Saturday. Those who violate the curfew could face 90 days in jail or a $1,000 fine.

John Harrington, commissioner of Minnesota’s Department of Public Safety, said the agency would ramp up efforts to restore peace in Minneapolis.

“We will need far more officers and far more National Guard officers than we have,” he said, according to the Star Tribune.

“This is the largest concentration of law enforcement in the history of Minnesota,” Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz said, according to Star Tribune reporter Reid Forgrave. “And it’s not enough.”

They also begged people to go home.

Mayor Jacob Frey of Minneapolis at a press conference early May 30, 2020.

KARE 11/YouTube

“The absolute chaos — this is not grieving, and this is not making a statement that we fully acknowledge needs to be fixed — this is dangerous,” Walz said, according to the Star Tribune. “You need to go home.”

Mayor Jacob Frey of Minneapolis added, according to the Star Tribune: “Minneapolis, I know you are reeling … We as a city are so much more than this. We as a city can be so much better.”

Watch the full press conference here:

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The lawmakers said Saturday that the vast majority of people taking part in the violent protests were from out of the state and were latching on to initial protests to spread chaos.

Protesters stand in front of the 3rd precinct police building as it burns during a protest on May 28, 2020 in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Today marks the third day of ongoing protests after the police killing of George Floyd.

Scott Olson/Getty Images

“Let’s be very clear, the situation in Minneapolis is no longer in any way about the murder of George Floyd,” Walz said in a press conference where he estimated that 80% of people in the protests are from “outside” the state.

St. Paul Mayor Melvin Carter said Saturday that the city’s curfew kept the number of arrests down amid the fiery clashes between demonstrators and police, but said that Minnesota residents did not account for any of the people arrested.

Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey echoed Walz and Carter, saying outsiders had come “to prey on everything we have built over the last several decades.”

Elsewhere, a 19-year-old man was killed in Detroit after someone in an SUV fired shots into a crowd protesting Floyd’s death late Friday night.

The shooting took place 11: 30 p.m. Friday night, Detroit police spokeswoman Sgt. Nicole Kirkwood said Saturday, according to the AP.

The suspect pulled up in a Dodge Durango SUV and fired shots into the crowd, Kirkwood said, per the AP. No police were involved in the shooting, she added.

The victim, an unnamed 19-year-old man, was pronounced dead in the hospital.

The identity and motive of the suspect are not immediately known.

Demonstrators in Washington, DC, clashed with police outside the White House, with multiple injuries reported. The Secret Service briefly put the White House on lockdown.

People demonstrating over Floyd’s death walk along Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington, DC, on May 29, 2020.

AP Photo/Evan Vucci

Protesters at the North Lawn of the White House attempted to break down the barricade as they confronted Secret Service agents and DC police on Friday.

According to CNN, a crowd of hundreds of protesters was “set off” by a man who police were trying to escort from the protests.

Protesters clashed with Secret Service Police in Lafayette Park, which is across the street from the White House, NBC Washington reporter Tom Lynch tweeted.

Hunter Walker, the White House correspondent for Yahoo News, tweeted from the scene: “I saw multiple police being carried away. They seemed injured or at the very least hit with spray. Multiple injuries among the protesters as well.”

—Fin Gomez (@finnygo) May 29, 2020

—Tom Lynch (@TomLynch_) May 29, 2020

Police also unleashed tear gas on some protesters, The Washingtonian’s Jane Recker reported.

—Jane Recker (@janerecker) May 30, 2020

The US Secret Service put the White House on lockdown Friday due to the protests, NBC News reported. The order was lifted later that night, CNN reported.

During the lockdown, people were forbidden to leave White House grounds, and the doors of the briefing room — where a dozen of reporters — were locked, according to NBC News reporter Peter Alexander.

Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp issued a state of emergency for Fulton County and activated as many as 500 troops from the Georgia National Guard.

Demonstrators protest in Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta, on May 29, 2020.

AP Photo/Mike Stewart

In a tweet, Kemp said he would activate state National Guard troops “to protect people & property in Atlanta.”

—Governor Brian P. Kemp (@GovKemp) May 30, 2020

Atlanta’s Chief of Police, Erika Shields, went out into the crowds Friday and talked to individual protesters to hear out their concerns.

—Lilly – BLACK LIVES MATTER (@joonhopekook) May 29, 2020

The CNN Center in Atlanta was circled by protesters.

CNN correspondent Nick Valencia reported from the building’s lobby with a line of police with riot shields in the background.

Debris littered the entrance as people outside threw rocks, bottles, smoke grenades, and in one instance, a lit firework which detonated inside the lobby.

—Curtis Houck (@CurtisHouck) May 30, 2020

—Timothy Burke (@bubbaprog) May 30, 2020

CNN’s Fernando Alfonso III reported that SWAT cars approached the CNN Center as protesters climbed the CNN sign and held up “Black Lives Matter” flags.

—Fernando Alfonso III (@fernalfonso) May 29, 2020

The CNN logo was defaced and graffitied, and flags were burned. Bottles were thrown and the glass on the building was shattered, and protesters chanted “no more police.”

Protesters also began destroying police cars after dispersing away from the center.

—Fernando Alfonso III (@fernalfonso) May 29, 2020

Elsewhere, protesters ran in fear of possible tear gas being deployed, according to CNN.

Demonstrators also clashed with police, WAGA-TV reported. The protesters were headed towards Atlanta Police Headquarters but rerouted due to blocked streets.

Protesters chanted “Justice now,” “Police the police,” and “black lives matter.”

Pepper spray was reportedly used to break up some of the protesters.

—WSB-TV (@wsbtv) May 29, 2020

Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms of Atlanta urged residents to avoid violence.

“When lives and the conscience of this nation are at peril, we as people are expected to exercise our constitutional rights to peacefully assemble and have our voices heard,” she tweeted. “Atlanta embodies these values, and I encourage all who exercise these rights to remember Atlanta’s legacy of peaceful protest leading to progress.”

In Louisville, Kentucky, police were seen spraying pepper bullets at protesters. Police also shot them at a reporter and a cameraman covering the scene.

A protest against the deaths of Breonna Taylor by Louisville police and George Floyd by Minneapolis police, in Louisville, Kentucky, on May 29, 2020.

REUTERS/Bryan Woolston

The Louisville protesters were also demanding justice for Breonna Taylor, a black woman who was shot eight times and killed by police carrying out a narcotics bust in March.

Taylor’s family said in an April lawsuit the police had entered the wrong address, and Taylor’s boyfriend said the police didn’t announce themselves while entering.

Police sprayed demonstrators with pepper bullets to disperse the crowd.

Wave 3 News reporter Kaitlin Rust was also shot at while she was broadcasting live, and the cameraman captured a police officer aiming pepper bullets.

—Christopher Bishop (@ChrisBishopL1C4) May 30, 2020

Rust also reported that protesters had breached the Louisville Hall of Justice and lit a fire inside the building. The extent of damage to the building is not immediately known.

Kentucky state Rep. Attica Scott tweeted that she was among those tear-gassed during the riot.

“This was after one of your officers kept pushing me without ever asking me to move,” Scott wrote. “This was after we were never asked to disperse. This was during a peaceful protest. LMPD met peace with violence. I’m disgusted.”

Seven people were also shot at during protests on Thursday, Louisville Metro Police Department told Business Insider.

Demonstrators in Dallas retaliated against police and damaged police vehicles. One video shows a can of tear gas going off inside a woman’s car.

People continue the second day of protests over Floyd’s death in Minneapolis on May 27, 2020.

ordan Strowder/Anadolu Agency via Getty Images

—LIVE UPDATES FROM DALLAS (@ElijahSchaffer) May 30, 2020

Dallas Police Chief Reneé Hall confronted a rioter in the city and told him to stop attacking police officers supervising the protests in the city.

—Caleb Hull (@CalebJHull) May 30, 2020

Protests also got violent in parts of California, and a car plowed through a crowd of protesters in Bakersfield.

Protests in Oakland, California.

Rob Price/Business Insider

Hundreds of protesters in San Jose shut down Highway 101 in both directions on Friday, and smashed the windows of police cars and other vehicles, KPIX reported.

There were reports of confrontations between protesters and drivers on the freeway.

California Highway Patrol spokesperson Alicia Moreno confirmed to CNN that officers were hit by projectiles.

Police declared the protests an “unlawful assembly” and fired tear gas to disperse the crowds, KPIX reported.

A car also plowed through a crowd of protesters in front of the Bakersfield Police Headquarters in Bakersfield, near Los Angeles, on Friday night.

Footage posted online show a gray SUV speeding through protesters, then turning around and driving back through the crowded street.

—23ABC News (@23ABCNews) May 30, 2020

Earlier on Friday, a new video appeared to show three Minneapolis police officers pinning George Floyd to the ground.

A new video first published by NBC News on Friday appears to show three officers kneeling on George Floyd before his death.

YouTube/NBC News

Previous videos of the incident showed just one officer, Derek Chauvin, kneeling on Floyd’s neck, but a new video shows three officers pinning him to the ground with their knees as he begged to be released.

While the four officers involved in the incident have been fired, only Chauvin has been arrested and charged.

The video may be upsetting to some viewers. It appears to show Floyd crying out in distress and repeatedly telling the officers he couldn’t breathe.

“Please, please let me stand,” Floyd could be heard saying. “Please, I can’t breathe.”

youtube

It’s not known who took the video, and its authenticity has not been confirmed. But NBC News, who first reported on the video, verified it using Google Street View imagery and statements from police.

Derek Chauvin, the police officer who was seen kneeling on George Floyd’s neck, was taken into custody and charged with third-degree murder on Friday.

Protesters gather on May 26, 2020, at the site where Floyd was arrested and pinned down.

Eric Miller/Reuters

Chauvin was charged with third-degree murder and manslaughter in the case, Hennepin County Attorney Mike Freeman said in a press conference on Friday afternoon.

“This is by far the fastest we’ve ever charged a police officer,” Freeman said, adding that it usually takes around nine months.

No other police officers are in custody. Freeman said he would not comment on the three other officers’ situations, but said they could face charges.

Chauvin had been with the Minneapolis Police Department for 19 years until he was fired earlier this week.

The charging document against Chauvin also included preliminary results from Floyd’s autopsy, which “revealed no physical findings that support a diagnosis of traumatic asphyxia or strangulation.”

Former Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin.

Ramsey County Sheriff’s Office via AP

“The autopsy revealed no physical findings that support a diagnosis of traumatic asphyxia or strangulation,” the charging document said .”Mr. Floyd had underlying health conditions including coronary artery disease and hypertensive heart disease.”

“The combined effects of Mr. Floyd being restrained by the police, his underlying health conditions and any potential intoxicants in his system likely contributed to his death.”

Read the full document here.

On Thursday, Floyd’s family said they want to do an independent autopsy because “they do not trust … the city of Minneapolis.”

Chauvin’s wife filed for divorce, and is “devastated” by Floyd’s death, according to her attorney.

“This evening, I spoke with Kellie Chauvin and her family,” her attorneys said in a statement.

“She is devastated by Mr. Floyd’s death and her utmost sympathy lies with his family, with his loved ones and with everyone who is grieving this tragedy. She has filed for dissolution of her marriage to Derek Chauvin.”

See the full statement here:

—esme murphy (@esmemurphy) May 30, 2020

Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden said Chauvin’s arrest was “justified.”

Democratic presidential candidate and former Vice President Joe Biden in Wilmington, Delaware, on March 12, 2020.

REUTERS/Carlos Barria

Biden told CNN’s Don Lemon on Friday: “I think it’s justified based on – look, our children are watching, they’re not only watching, they’re listening. They saw what happened, his pain and his knee on a man’s neck up against the curb for nine minutes.”

“I don’t know what else, what other conclusion could be reached,” he said.

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Biden also slammed President Donald Trump’s response to the protests. Trump on Thursday referred to the demonstrators as “thugs,” adding: “When the looting starts, the shooting starts.”

Biden said: “I think he’s thoroughly irresponsible. Thoroughly irresponsible. I mean, it is just absolutely — he talks like — I’m afraid I’ll say something I’ll regret. I just find him thoroughly, totally irresponsible.”

Earlier on Friday, Biden said he spoke with Floyd’s family, US News & World Report reported.

“Every day, African Americans go about their lives with constant anxiety and trauma, wondering – who will be next?” he said. “Imagine if every time your husband or son, wife or daughter, left the house, you feared for their safety from bad actors and bad police.”

“We need real police reform, to hold cops to a higher standard that so many of them actually meet, that holds bad cops accountable and repairs relationships between law enforcement and the community they’re sworn to protect,” Biden also said, according to CNN.

Floyd’s family called Chauvin being charged “a welcome but overdue step on the road to justice,” and called for a first-degree murder charge.

George Floyd.

Courtesy of Philonise Floyd

“The arrest of former Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin for the brutal killing of George Floyd is a welcome but overdue step on the road to justice. We expected a first-degree murder charge. We want a first-degree murder charge,” the family said through their attorney, Benjamin Crump.

For a first- or second-degree murder charge, prosecutors would need to prove that Chauvin intended to kill Floyd, The New York Times reported.

The family continued: “And we want to see the other officers arrested. We call on authorities to revise these charges to reflect the true culpability of this officer. The pain that the black community feels over this murder and what it reflects about the treatment of black people in America is raw and is spilling out on to the streets across America.”

They also called on Minneapolis and cities across the US to change their policies and trainings to make sure deaths like Floyd’s never happen again.

“For four officers to inflict this kind of unnecessary, lethal force — or watch it happen — despite outcry from witnesses who were recording the violence — demonstrates a breakdown in training and policy by way of the city,” the family said.

“We fully expect to see other officers who did nothing to protect the life of George Floyd to be arrested and charged soon.”

Attorney General William Barr announced Friday that the Department of Justice would launch an independent investigation into Floyd’s death.

Attorney General William Barr speaks at the National Sheriffs’ Association Winter Legislative and Technology Conference in Washington, Monday, Feb. 10, 2020.

Associated Press/Susan Walsh

Barr said in a Friday statement that the Department of Justice is conducting an independent investigation to determine whether or not any civil rights laws were violated in Floyd’s death.

“The video images of the incident that ended with death of Mr. Floyd, while in custody of Minneapolis police officers, were harrowing to watch and deeply disturbing,” Barr said.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell says the officers involved in Floyd’s death “look pretty darn guilty.”

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell.

Reuters/Aaron P. Bernstein

McConnell told CNN on Friday: “If you see what happened, [they] look pretty darn guilty.”

“These events, which the facts around them are pretty obvious are absolutely horrendous, and you can understand the outrage and reaction to witnessing events like this,” he said.

“They need to be thoroughly investigated. And if prosecution is appropriate … looking at both these cases like that would be the case. Justice needs to be done.”

McConnell also called for protesters in Minneapolis to stop violence and looting.

“I’ve always been a supporter of demonstrations, but they need to be peaceful,” he said. “And this senseless violence in reaction to this is not helpful to anyone and I hope it will stop.”

Former President Barack Obama said the country “can and must be better.”

Former US President Barack Obama.

REUTERS/Lim Huey Teng

Obama issued a statement on Twitter on Friday, in which he said he felt “anguish” over the incident.

He said while many wish for life to “just get back to normal” during the pandemic, “normal” isn’t the same for everyone.

“But we have to remember that for millions of Americans, being treated differently on account of race is tragically, painfully, maddeningly ‘normal’ — whether it’s while dealing with the health care system, or interacting with the criminal justice system or jogging down the street, or just watching birds in a park,” Obama wrote.

He said deaths like Floyd’s “shouldn’t be ‘normal’ in 2020 America.”

“It can’t be ‘normal.’ If we want our children to grow up in a nation that lives up to its highest ideals, we can and must be better,” he said.

On Friday morning, Minnesota’s Attorney General Kieth Ellison called Floyd’s death “intolerable, absolutely unacceptable”, and said he expects charges against the officers involved.

Rep. Keith Ellison in Denver during a forum about the future of the Democratic party.

AP Photo/David Zalubowski

Ellison told a press conference on Friday that he anticipates charges will be brought against the police officers involved in Floyd’s death.

He said Floyd’s death was “intolerable, absolutely unacceptable,” and that culture “must change.”

He also said Minnesota officials plan form a group “on preventing and reducing deadly force encounters with police.”

“We are not just going to fix the windows and sweep up the glass,” he said. “We’re going to fix a broken, shattered society that leaves so many people behind based on their historical legacy of being in bondage and servitude, then second-class citizenship, and now fraught with disparities from everything from incarceration to housing to wages to everything else.”

Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz said the protests were the result of “generations of pain, of anguish” over police brutality and racial issues.

Then-Democratic candidate for Governor Tim Walz in Minneapolis, Minnesota, on October 26, 2018.

REUTERS/Brian Snyder

“The ashes are symbolic of decades and generations of pain and anguish, and now generations of pain is manifesting itself in front of the world,” Walz told a press conference on Friday. “And the world is watching.”

Walz also said justice against the officers who arrested Floyd will be “swift.”

“It is my expectation that justice for the officers involved in this will be swift, that it will come in a timely manner, that it will be fair,” Walz said.

Walz also apologized for the Friday morning arrest of CNN reporter Omar Jimenez while he was reporting on the protests live on air.

CNN reporter Omar Jimenez is seen being arrested at the Minneapolis protests early Friday morning.

CNN/Twitter

Jimenez was released from police custody about an hour later. However, it remains unclear why Jimenez, who is black, taken into custody despite identifying himself as a journalist.

CNN reporter Josh Campbell, who was also reporting on the scene and is white, said he had no trouble with the police.

—New Day (@NewDay) May 29, 2020

Walz said later: “There is absolutely no reason something like this should happen. Calls were made immediately. This is a very public apology to that team. It should not happen and I want to be clear for those of you listening.”

He said he took “full responsibility” for the incident, which he called “unacceptable.”

The night before, on Thursday, protesters broke into the Minneapolis Third Police Precinct around 10 p.m. and set the building on fire.

A protester tries to extinguish a fire outside a Target store near the Minneapolis 3rd Police Precinct on May 28, 2020.

KEREM YUCEL/AFP via Getty Images

The precinct was evacuated at 10 p.m. local time, WCCO reported.

“Protesters forcibly entered the building and have ignited several fires,” a police statement said.

Footage shows the building on fire:

—philip lewis (@Phil_Lewis_) May 29, 2020

According to CNN, police set up a fence around the precinct earlier in the day, but thousands of protesters crowded around the building after the fence was pushed down.

—Ryan Faircloth (@RyanFaircloth) May 29, 2020

“The precinct is on fire. We don’t know where the police are,” said CNN National Correspondent Sara Sidner on Thursday night. “The fire alarm is going on inside … People are cheering and more fireworks are going off as the police precinct is burning.”

A Target store in the area was also set on fire, and a shooting was reported in a nearby Walgreen’s as well.

Multiple other buildings were set on fire, and businesses looted.

Police shoot at protesters from the roof of the Minneapolis Third Police Precinct on May 27, 2020.

Steel Brooks/Anadolu Agency via Getty Images

Protests continued in Minneapolis on Thursday, and reporters on the scene said tension remained high.

—Ashlee Mullany (@AshleeMullany) May 29, 2020

Stores were also set on fire in St. Paul on Thursday. City police said that more than 170 businesses were looted or damaged.

A woman is surrounded by teargas on May 28, 2020, in St. Paul.

AP Photo/John Minchillo

Local news station KTSP reported that a large fire started across the street from a Target in St. Paul as well as in front of several other businesses.

—Beth McDonough (@bmcdonoughkstp) May 29, 2020

Police officers in the city were also attacked.

Protesters began to throw rocks, bottles, and even shopping carts at officers who were blocking the entrance to Midway Target, according to KMSP. Police said multiple fires were also set as large crowds gathered in the city.

—Reuters (@Reuters) May 29, 2020

Mayor Carter said “the anger, the anguish, the sadness, the rage that we’re seeing in the community, it’s understandable,” according to the Pioneer Press.

“I think it’s shared by a whole lot of people throughout humanity right now who have looked at that video [of Floyd] and just said: ‘That doesn’t feel like the kind of community, the kind of state, the kind of city, the kind of country, the kind of world that I want to live in,'” he said.

A driver was accused of deliberately hitting a protester with a car in Denver on Thursday.

Participants carry placards as they march during a protest outside the Colorado State Capitol over the death of George Floyd.

AP Photo/David Zalubowski

A graphic video of a protester getting hit by a vehicle that was pushing through a crowd of demonstrators was posted on Twitter.

—Joshua Potash (@JoshuaPotash) May 29, 2020

The condition of the protester is not immediately known.

There were also reports of shots fired outside the Colorado State Capitol during protests.

The Colorado State Capitol building in downtown Denver.

David Zalubowski / AP

It’s not clear if anyone was injured, but protesters and lawmakers took shelter in the Capitol building after shots were fired.

—Spencer Wilson (@Spencer_WNews) May 28, 2020

One witness, who said he was at the capitol protesting over Floyd’s death when shots were fired, said he and his friend “ran for our f—ing lives after the incident.”

He warned others not to attend the protest in Denver, adding that “no one else needs to die.”

Dozens of arrests were also made in New York City.

A protester arrested during a rally over the death of George Floyd in New York City on May 28, 2020.

(AP Photo/Frank Franklin II)

At least 70 people were arrested after protests turned violent in New York City on Thursday, according to the New York Post.

Dozens of protesters clashed with police while demonstrating and chanting: “No justice! No peace!” and “F— the police.”

Protests also escalated in Columbus, Ohio, and Phoenix, Arizona.

Minnesota’s state health commissioner warned on Thursday that the protests could lead to a surge in coronavirus cases.

Minnesota Health Commissioner Jan Malcolm at a news conference in St. Paul, Minnesota, on May 27, 2020.

John Autey/Pioneer Press via AP

Jan Malcolm said Thursday that she understood why people are demonstrating, but asked them to remain cautious when gathering to help prevent the spread of the disease.

“People are moved to want to speak and to want to gather in solidarity and in protest, and we certainly honor and respect that right,” Malcolm said, according to the Star Tribune.

“As we know, large gatherings do pose a risk in any epidemic, but certainly where we stand today with the state of COVID-19 spread in our community. Knowing that we have community spread, we just want to again encourage folks who gather to be mindful of the risk.”

On Thursday, the state had a fifth-straight day of declining new coronavirus cases, but hospitalization rates remain high.

Protesters told Business Insider on Thursday why they felt it was important to protest Floyd’s death, despite the threat of spreading the virus.

“The city has a knee on their neck,” said Sam Pree-Gonzalez, executive project director for the Association for Black Economic Power. “Now the tables have turned, and COVID exposed a lot of disparities. This [death] has clearly exposed even further disparities.”

All bus and light-rail services in the Twin Cities have been suspended for the weekend.

A Twin Cities bus is seen on March 25, 2020.

Jim Mone/AP

The announcement was made by Metro Transit Thursday night, according to the Star Tribune.

Metro Transit spokesman Howie Padilla did not attribute the closure to the violence directly, but said: “Obviously, we take into consideration whatever situations call for, and if we have to err on the side of public safety for riders and employees, we’re going to do that.”

Union Minneapolis Bus Drivers agreed on Thursday to refuse to transport police officers and arrested protesters demonstrating after Floyd’s death.

People hold signs during the second day of protests in Minneapolis on Wednesday, May 27, 2020, over the death of George Floyd.

Jordan Strowder/Anadolu Agency via Getty Images

Union bus drivers made the announcement on Thursday, according to a PayDay Report.

“We are willing to do what we can to ensure our labor is not used to help the Minneapolis Police Department shut down calls for justice,” the petition reads. “For example, I am a bus driver with ATU 1005, and I urged people to call MetroTransit and the Governor the second I heard our buses and members were being organized to make mass arrests hours before the protests escalated.”

Protests had begun in Minneapolis on Tuesday, and escalated and spread across the country from Wednesday.

People protesting in Minneapolis on May 27, 2020, over Floyd’s death.

Jordan Strowder/Anadolu Agency via Getty Images

While protesters clashed with police on Tuesday, events turned more violent on Wednesday. Looting began and stores were set on fire.

On Wednesday KSTP reported that protesters threw bottles and rocks at police officers, who responded with rubber bullets, flash-bangs, and tear gas.

A man was fatally shot outside a Minneapolis pawn shop amid widespread looting on Wednesday.

George Floyd had died on Monday after a police officer kneeled on his neck.

A still from a video that was taken of Floyd’s arrest.

Darnella Frazier/Facebook

A video showed a white police officer kneeling on Floyd’s neck for several minutes on Monday.

In the video, Floyd can be heard pleading for his life and saying he couldn’t breathe.

“Please, please, please, I can’t breathe,” Floyd can be heard saying. “Don’t kill me.”

“Relax,” said the officer, who has since been identified as Derek Chauvin. Floyd can be seen ceasing to move in the video.

Police said an ambulance took him to the hospital, where he was pronounced dead.

Minneapolis police released a transcript of the 911 call that led to the encounter with Floyd. Read it here.

The four police officers involved in Floyd’s death were fired the next day. Only Chauvin has been arrested and charged.

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