#and had drilled it into his head that practically all romantic feelings let alone sex were foolish and sinful and should be shunned

[canisalbus]

Is that canon!?! Was Machete just really naive/didn't really understand the implications of his relationship to Vasco? Did his mentor ever find out about them or discuss such things with him? I assume bc he didn't have parents, he kinda didn't get educated on sex or anything. Was it a big shock to realize he was "sinning"?

.

[wandaromanova]

Fun Guns

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Warnings: cussing, mention of sex, mentions of needles, blood

A/N: hello! i’m obviously not in the medical field, so everything described, i got from google haha. hope y’all enjoy! happy reading <3

anon requested: nat got shot in the arm during the mission so doc!r (her gf and has a strict and serious personality) has do the operation but the thing is nat keeps flirting and flexing her muscles even she's bleeding

Summary: Y/N helps her girlfriend, Natasha Romanoff, with an injury.

Word Count: 1.1K

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please do not repost or try and take ownership of my work. reblogs, likes, and comments are always welcome. <3

You looked up from the paper in your hand at the sound of commotion.

You got up from your stool and made your way over to the door. However, before you could make it there, it swung open and your girlfriend, Natasha, walked in with Steve and Tony trailing behind her.

Your eyes widened at the sight of the redhead clutching her left arm, blood pouring from beneath it.

“Hi, baby. I got shot in the arm and I need you to patch me up.” Natasha spoke so casually that you didn’t even register what she said at first. When you did, you stared at her like she had grown two heads.

You gave Steve a look and he nodded, grabbing Natasha’s other arm and walking her over to the medical table. You went over to a counter and placed on some gloves.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Natasha was laid out on the table and you nodded to the two men in the room.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“I can handle it from here. Did you guys need any help too?” Tony and Steve shook their heads.

“No, nothing some Tylenol can’t help.” Steve joked and you let out a small chuckle at that.

You watched as the two Avengers exited the room, leaving you alone with your girlfriend.

“I need to take your shirt off.” Natasha raised her eyebrows suggestively at you. You rolled your eyes at her and carefully helped her out of the material.

“I mean I don’t think having sex while I’m bleeding is a good idea, but I’m not against it.”

You softly grasped her arm and examined the injury, ignoring her flirting. The bullet wasn’t deep and there was no exit wound.

All you had to do was take the bullet out and close up the hole in her arm. Thankfully, it wasn’t anything serious.

You turned around and walked over to some shelves and drawers, retrieving the proper tools you’d need to extract the bullet and stitch up her arm.

You dragged your stool beside the bed and Natasha sent you a flirtatious smile.

“Doc, I think I’m hurt somewhere else, too.” Natasha grabbed your hand and placed it onto her abdomen, flexing her muscles.

You sent her a serious look and tore your hand out of her grip. You couldn’t believe she was flirting with you while she was literally bleeding.

“This is serious, Natasha. You’re lucky the bullet is in your arm and not somewhere fatal.”

You scolded your girlfriend, taking a needle and inserting it into her skin. It was an anesthetic that would numb the area, so Natasha wouldn’t feel a thing.

She was going to need it if you were going to shove some tweezers into her arm then stitch her skin back together.

“I’m fine, honey. You know I’ll always make it back to my favorite milf.”

You rolled your eyes at the title. Yeah, you had a five-year-old daughter. You were slightly older than Natasha.

She was 37 and you were 41. It was only a four-year gap, but Natasha never failed to tease you for the age difference.

You quickly went to work after a few minutes, just to be sure that the lidocaine had run its course.

You feared that the bullet would be hard to find, but luckily, it wasn’t. You had found it fairly easily and took it out, placing it onto a bedpan beside you.

Natasha was completely unfazed by the entire thing. This wasn’t her first time getting a bullet extracted. She was just completely entranced by you.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

She was basically gawking at you as you worked.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Natasha admired the way your eyebrows would scrunch up in concentration, your tongue poking through your teeth as you tried to keep your hand steady.

Also, she absolutely loved how good you were at what you did. You were the best doctor in New York, which is why you were hired to work for the Avengers.

They definitely needed the best they could get considering the massive battles they always find themselves in.

Natasha had pursued you for quite a while, but you never exactly gave in. You were a professional and you knew that having a romantic relationship with a patient wasn’t right.

But she was Natasha fucking Romanoff; no one could resist her. So, eventually, after months of the redhead’s persistency, you had agreed to a date with the redhead and the rest was history.

“You almost done, doc?” Natasha asked as you placed the last few stitches into her arm. You snipped off the excess suture.

“I just finished. You know the drill, don’t move your arm around too much. You need to come back in a week or so to get them removed.”

You gave Natasha instructions as you cleaned up after yourself. However, the redhead extended her arm slowly, grabbing your wrist in her hand.

“Thank you, milfy.” You let out a small laugh at her words and Natasha smiled at the sound.

“You’re welcome, foxy.” You uttered the nickname that Natasha absolutely hated.

One day in the earlier stages of your relationship, you had referred to Natasha as a fox, her red hair reminding you of the animal.

The Russian absolutely hated it and practically fought you every time you’d call her by that name.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“You’re suddenly not my favorite milf anymore.” Natasha mumbled, letting go of your wrist, allowing you to throw away the remaining trash.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Oh yeah? And who is your favorite milf now?” You teasingly asked, going to sit by her side once more.

“Wanda.” You let out a full-hearted laugh at her response. You shook your head frantically.

“Well, I don’t blame you. She’s my favorite milf too.” Natasha sent you a glare. You sharply raised your eyebrow at her.

“Don’t give me that look! You mentioned Wanda first!” Natasha pouted and you leaned forward, giving her a quick peck.

When you moved back, a wide smile was now spread across the assassin’s face.

“Seriously though, you need to be more careful. I know you have me to help you out, but that doesn’t mean you need to get hurt all the time.”

You frowned and Natasha stared into your eyes softly, her green irises shining with love.

“I promise I’ll be more careful, but you gotta admit that it’s fun being able to see these guns. Come on, admit it, it’s fun.”

Natasha flexed her good arm, showing off her toned muscles. She also clenched her stomach, accentuating her abs.

You let out a dramatic sigh, placing your hand on top of her stomach.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“It’s fun to see those guns.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“See! I knew it. I knew you liked them.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

───────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────────

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[binniedeactivated]

txt reactions. || 👾 👾

during sex 💦

beomgyu --

he’s so switchy it’s crazy

one minute he’s underneath you moaning about how good you’re riding him and the next minute he’s pounding you

sex is wild and nasty with gyu

it always starts when he’s using his dialect to his advantage and whispering dirty shit in your ear

will talk about how much he wants to fuck you raw and hard, how he wants your pussy to be leaking with his cum by the time he’s finished with you

he will fuck you anywhere. huge exhibitionist. he literally doesn’t have any decency just as long as you guys have some sort of privacy

he’s always sending pics of his dick print

has a thing for short pleated skirts on you

or halter tops

always always always biting his lips during sex

king of boob sucking and nipple play he absolutely loves it

tit fucks you

his weakness is when you give him sloppy bj’s 

will bite his lips and whine with his fingers digging through your hair while you’re doing it

loves the way your eyes look while you’re sucking him off

will turn into a full sub if you tease him

will unconsciously jolt his hips up into your mouth and beg you to suck him the right way

his favorite subby word is “please”

will whimper “please” when the pleasure is getting too much for him to handle

he’s always down for a threesome because he loves getting his dick sucked by two people at once

loves seeing you get insanely jealous at how hard he’s fucking the other person

will always reassure his position in your life by fucking you twice as hard, stretching your waiting pussy and reminding you who you belong to

i’m sorry, but gyu is definitely the type to eat ass

and eat your pussy from the back

again I’M SORRY but he will

will make you arch your back while he clutches your ass cheeks and wade his tongue through your entire midsection

gyu is disrespectful he’ll spit all over it and lick all of it back off

will smack your ass and tell you to moan louder for him. he’ll groan while he’s eating you, knowing the vibration of his lips will make you pulsate harder

loves when you push back against his tongue

loves seeing the stringy goodness of your wetness mixed with his saliva

definitely the type to laugh or smirk a little at the vulnerable shit you say while he’s eating you

legs to the ceiling after he’s done tongue fucking you

and oh god, you don’t want gyu to push your legs to the ceiling

will drill the absolute HELL out of you in this position

forget about all morality 

and don’t you dare think about putting your legs down because he’ll pin them back up 

stuffs you and curses like a sailor while he’s doing it

loves seeing you cry a little at how good it feels

gives you the hardest best orgasms you’ve ever had in your life

no matter how wild and nasty gyu is during sex, he’s ultimately a sweetheart 

will wipe your tears and kiss your cheeks before preparing a warm bath for you afterwards

soobin --

can’t nobody tell me this man doesn’t have some sort of mommy kink

the subbiest of men

will do whatever you tell him to do

is shy to initiate things in public but all you have to do is smirk at him and make dirty jokes and he’s horny and blushing

moans in your mouth at just the feeling of how wet you are

will beg and unzip his pants if you don’t start fucking him fast enough

loves when you grab his hand and shove it in your panties when you two are already tongue kissing

loves girl on girl sex, will want you to have sex with another girl just so he can sit and stroke his dick at the sight of it

king of fingering and pussy eating and no one can tell me otherwise

his fingers would fill you so sufficiently deep you’d be cumming in seconds

suckling hickies into your skin while he’s finger fucking you at the highest speed

“please don’t cum yet please I want to feel you clenching around my tongue”.

not afraid of licking you through the thin fabric of your panties

holds your thighs at the sides of his head while lapping rapid fire up your clit before sucking it

always asks you if he’s doing it correctly even when your hips are practically stuttering on his mouth

loves when you call him a “good boy”

honestly you’d always have to tell soobin to take things slow, he’ll eat you so sloppy and good your cum would paint his lips in no time

sex with soobin is hot and romantic

loves holding your hands while eating you

loves using toys

will push a vibrator to your clit while his tongue is deep inside you

or will fuck you with a vibrating dildo while puppy licking your wet folds

he has a big ego when it comes to ruining you with his mouth and fingers but truth be told he can’t last long inside you after making your pussy so wet like that

will whine as soon as you slide down his dick

clutches your ass at the feeling of you clenching around him

will whimper for you to go slow because he doesn’t know if he can handle it

grunts lowly while clutching bruises into your waist

chest heaving with sweat

cries a little if he’s unable to cum inside you

no really--please let him cum inside you

face is always flushed and red when you two are through

he’s an absolute sleepy baby afterwards, very clingy and wants to lay on your chest

yeonjun --

 the only thing yeonjun switches between, is if he wants to be a soft or hard dom

you already know jun is in the mood when he pats his lap for you to sit on and clutches your thighs

junnie’s thigh riding sessions absolutely ruin you

loves feeling your wet pussy lips rut against his jeans

 loves hearing you whine in his ear while you cum in your panties

will stick his fingers in them just to taste you

loves booty pics, send him loads of them and he’ll get hard no matter where he is

dirty texts ALL THE TIME

sends videos of his veiny cock twitching in his boxer briefs

sex with jun is harsh and rough

king of face sitting and doggy style

if he’s in a hard dom mood he’s definitely bruising your thighs while you’re sitting on his face

makes you ride his tongue even if you can’t take it

has the type of shape lips that wraps around your clit perfectly

loves groaning about how good you taste

has an oral fixation so he’ll be eating you even after you cum is spilling down his face

legs trembling miserably but none of your side effects phase him he lives for it

can cum four times in one sitting with just his mouth alone

if he’s in a soft dom mood he’ll eat you rather sappy and slow

tongue kissing your sticky folds while rubbing your thighs lovingly

idc, this man loves thick thighs. i just get the feeling

groans about how much he loves you and how perfect your body is to him

extreme body worship while he’s eating you

it’s even worse when he’s in a soft dom mood because he eats you audaciously stagnant, prolonging your orgasms

doesn’t give you a resting period after your last orgasm

throat fucks you

manhandles you when he’s doggy-styling

loves the sight of your ass slapping against his skin dear god

be prepared for him to leave red hand prints all over it

sensitive to anything fashionably sexy, like skin tight dresses and lingerie

if it’s your panties he’ll push your panties to the side and pound the shit out of you

if it’s a dress he’ll knot it up with his hand and fuck you that way

broken headboards and dented walls

big fan of restriction

handcuffs your hands in front of you and makes you take everything hes giving you

not afraid to tie you to the bed either

sadist to some extent

loves hearing you beg and whimper

overstimulation to the m a x because he’s never satisfied

“just a few more baby”.

breeding kink, loves seeing your pussy filled with his cum

is the absolute hungriest boy after, will order you two some food and make you shower with him before it arrives

you’d have to pray to God that he doesn’t want a part two in the shower

[kozumekenza]

on my mind :: seven

:: suna rintarou x f!reader :: playlist :: masterlist ::

:: taglist: open :: wc: 1.8k ::

After a drunken one-night stand with your ex, you thought you could get him out of your life for good. Unfortunately, the two of you can’t seem to keep away from each other. Why can’t you leave each other alone? And more importantly, why is he still on your mind?

tw: alcohol, profanity, gets a bit nsfw at the beginning, implications of sex

“Do you wanna come inside?”

Your voice may have been slightly pleading, but you didn’t care. You wanted to have this conversation with Suna, wanted to tell him how you felt, wanted to wake up next to him tomorrow morning and all the mornings after. 

“Are you sure?” Suna seemed hesitant, and you knew why. He knew that by inviting him in, you were inviting him to a conversation about your relationship.

You nodded your head and unlocked the door to your apartment. You poured two glasses of wine and then found yourself in a familiar position; you sitting at one end of the couch, Suna on the other.

“You probably know why I asked you to come in,” you said, sliding one of the glasses down the coffee table towards Suna. He nodded, and you continued. “I really wanted to wait until after the Olympics, so I wouldn’t be distracting you, but I just can’t wait any longer.” You looked him in the eye before continuing. “I love you, Rintarou, and I can’t wait any longer to tell you. I want to be with you, I want to go with you back to EJP, if you’ll have-”

Your words were cut off by a very enthusiastic Suna who had dove across the couch to capture your lips with his. You kissed him back passionately, until he pulled away to whisper to you. 

“Of course I want you to come to EJP with me. I want it to be you.” You giggled somewhat childishly, allowing yourself to be caught up in the sheer happiness of the moment. You could feel Suna’s smile against your lips, his hands roaming across your body. 

“Do you wanna stay the night?”

Suna nodded enthusiastically, pulling you up from the couch. You led the way to the bedroom, tugging Suna’s hand and leaving the half-empty wine glasses on the table. 

As soon as you crossed the threshold of your bedroom, Suna was pushing you up against the wall, hands holding your face with such reverence that you thought you might cry. You could feel his lips ghosting across your jaw, neck, and collarbone as you carefully tugged off his shirt. You put your hands against his chest, reveling in the smooth, hard muscle there. As you started working on the button of Suna’s jeans, he still hadn’t made a move to undress you.

“Rin, please,” you whispered, voice feather-light and absolutely pleading.

You could feel the sinister grin that spread across Suna’s face against your neck, and you knew you were in trouble. “Already begging for me, babe?”

You scoffed and pushed him back until his thighs hit your bed, watching as he fell backwards into the mattress. “Fine, I’ll do it myself.” You took your clothes off rather unceremoniously, Suna smirking at your own impatience. Standing in front of him in just your bra and underwear, you slid his jeans off. He continued smirking until you straddled his waist, only two layers of cloth separating you two. His hands found your hips as you leaned down to kiss him. Suna’s lips were soft, perfectly distracting you as his hands drifted. 

You allowed yourself to be caught up in the heat of the moment, your mind completely drifting as Suna took control. Whispered words in the dark made your heart beat faster, soft confessions of love and Suna’s deep voice praising you. You savored the feeling of him, strong arms wrapping around you, a hand grabbing both of your wrists, back muscles rippling underneath your fingertips. 

When you fell asleep later that night, you were tucked into Suna’s chest, his arms wrapped around your body.

---

The sunlight streaming in through the windows woke you the next morning. You found yourself stifling a laugh at the familiarity of waking up with Suna, only this time, it was under much better circumstances. You didn’t make a move to disentangle yourself from his arms, instead sinking farther in and allowing yourself to close your eyes and listen to his heartbeat. 

He stirred, leaving a gentle kiss on your forehead as he rolled to face you completely. A hand came up to rest on the side of your face. Suna’s eyes were soft, a sleepy smile on his lips. 

“I’m not dreaming, right?”

You giggled a little at his question.”No, this is real.”

“Good.”

“Why do you ask?”

He gave you a long blink before answering. “‘Cause it’s everything I’ve been dreaming of for the past eight years.”

You swatted at his arm, laughing. “You are so soft for someone who has chronic resting bitch face and never answers personal questions in interviews.”

“You watch my interviews?”

Blushing, you nodded. “Every single one. And every highlight reel. Every game. Anything to do with you.”

“Who’s the soft one now?”

His knowing grin made you groan, lifting yourself off the bed. Suna clung to your arm like a sloth. “Where do you think you’re going?”

You rolled your eyes. “Breakfast, I’m hungry.”

He released you and flopped back into the bed, burrowing into your blankets. You smiled at his antics, then got up to make coffee and something to eat. 

---

The weekend passed in much of the same fashion, you and Suna staying in bed much longer than you should, watching replays of EJP games (Suna needed your opinion, apparently) and talking. 

On Sunday afternoon, you pulled out your laptop to email a resume to EJP’s coach, but Suna stopped you.

“I already called coach, the job’s yours if you want it.”

You snapped your head up to look at him, laptop sliding off your lap. “Huh?”

“You got the job, it’s yours.”

“What do you mean? I haven’t even applied or sent a resume.”

Suna just looked at you. “You don’t need to, you’re hired already. I called coach and gave him your credentials, and he wants you to be our trainer.”

You gave Suna an incredulous look. “When did you do that?”

He smiled, “Two weeks ago.”

Your jaw dropped. “You were that confident that I would get back together with you?”

“I call it hopeful. And yes.” You rolled your eyes before pulling him in for a kiss.

“Thank you, Rin. And let me guess, I already have somewhere to live?”

“Of course, with me.” You grinned. “My apartment’s pretty big, more of a penthouse, anyway. We can move back together after the Games.”

Your smile became even wider. You liked the idea of “together”.

---

When you and Suna walked hand-in-hand into Monday’s morning practice, Atsumu laughed. 

“I fucking knew it. You two can’t keep away from each other.”

Suna punched Atsumu in the shoulder before dropping you off at your office with a kiss on the cheek. 

Practice was much better now that you and Suna were actually together. With two weeks until the move into the Olympic Village, training was picking up. The hardest would be over at the end of the week, with the week before the move-in full of easier drills and low-impact exercises. You enjoyed being able to watch Suna without restraint, taking in every move, every muscle. 

You spent your evenings with Suna, taking extra care of sore muscles and aching joints. He laughed at your fussing, but you didn’t stop. You wanted him to play at top form in the upcoming Games, and you were going to do everything you could to make sure he got there. 

Atsumu was petty about you “playing favorites”, as he put it, but his jealousy was quickly dismissed when you threw an ice pack at him. 

On the last practice before you left the National Team training center, the atmosphere was electric. Training was minimal, focusing on stretching and keeping muscles warm rather than drills and practice matches. You even watched tapes from the most recent world championship, taking notes on opposing teams and players. 

When practice was finally over, you helped Iwaizumi pack all of the training gear.

“Thank you for doing such a good job this season, y/n. I know the team will be in good hands with you.”

You smiled bright at his praise. “Thank you. I hope you enjoy Argentina, although I and everyone else will miss you.”

Iwaizumi shrugged. “It’s about time I left anyway. My fiance’s been waiting for me for quite some time.”

You laughed a little bit. “That’s quite romantic.”

“Just wait ‘til you meet him. He’s the opposite of romantic. In fact, he’s quite annoying.”

“I’m going to meet him?”

“Yeah, he plays for the Argentina volleyball team. He’s gonna be all ‘Iwa-chan, how dare you be on Japan’s side. How dare you be their trainer. I can’t believe you.’ Just wait, it’s obnoxious. You’ll wish you didn’t meet him.”

Stifling your laughter, you replied, “I’m sure that’s not true.”

Without missing a beat, Iwaizumi said, “It is, trust me.” He looked over his shoulder at you. “Anyway, I should be the one congratulating you. It seems you and Suna finally figured everything out.”

Your cheeks flared red. “How’d you know about that?”

Iwaizumi chuckled. “Atsumu, of course. The whole team’s been making bets on how long it would take for you two to get back together, for Suna to realize who took his jersey, pretty much everything.”

You paused, one of your hands still in a box of athletic tape. “He told you everything?”

Iwaizumi nodded, watching as you stomped towards the locker rooms. “Excuse me.”

Iwaizumi proceeded with his packing, only pausing slightly when he heard a very loud, very agitated, “Miya Atsumu!”

---

You dropped the heavy box you were carrying, wiping the sweat from your forehead. Suna dropped his box next to yours, then flopped on your bed. 

“Get off, Rin. This isn’t your room. And we have more boxes.”

He groaned, looking up at you. “C’mon, y/n. It’s hot, and I need to rest. Big games coming up, y’know?”

You grabbed his hands, dragging him off the small bed. “A few more boxes, Rin, I promise.”

Later that night, after unpacking the boxes of training supplies and going over schedules with the coach and Iwaizumi, you were finally settled in your tiny room in the Olympic Village. You were rooming alone, with team supplies taking up half of the space. Just as you were about to drift to sleep, your door opened, a tiny sliver of light from the hallway slipping in.

You didn’t even roll over. “Rin, there is not enough room for you in here. This bed is tiny as fuck.”

“C’mon, y/n. I can’t sleep when I’m not next to you.”

You tried to ignore the pleading tone in his voice, but you could picture the puppy dog eyes he was probably giving you. “Fine,” you sighed, lifting the blankets for him to join you.

“Thank you, babe.”

You hummed, relishing in the warmth of Suna’s chest, just about to fall asleep when-

“Hey, do you think it’s true that these beds break if you have sex on them?”

---

The bed broke. 

taglist:  @sunasexual @call-me-lulu​ @ntimacy​ @circleglasses​ @porcolie​ @keikotaro @rintarovibes​ @kenmaslov3r​ ​

[revisionaryhistory]

Three Days ~ 32

Catch up on AO3

~*~Sebastian~*~

The train was pretty crowded with people commuting into the city. I can't imagine spending three hours going back and forth to work every day. But right now, I thought an hour and a half with headphones sounded ideal. Processing didn't feel like the right word. I usually think of processing as something you do to deal with a negative or incorporate some insight you just had. Emma certainly wasn't a negative. But I guess process is the right word. A lot had happened in the last four days.

About fifteen minutes out of town my text alert went off. Emma sent me a picture of her in her classroom in front of a bunch of words. I doubt her pointing at baby, boy, and blue was accidental. I sent back the first thought that came to my mind, "Damn."

Next thing I knew I was at my station. I had not processed shit. I'd sat staring at her picture while my music played. Maybe that was processing?

I ducked into a shop to buy a bottle of water before hitting the gym. I was the last to arrive. I was going to get shit for this.

"Mr. Stan, glad you could join us."

Len looked at Don," Leave him alone. He slept in."

"I've been up since five-thirty, but thanks for the support." I dropped my bag close to the wall, "Got a train back from Beacon at seven."

Jackson crinkled up his face, "What's in Beacon?"

"Parents moved there. I was helping them unpack."

I must have smiled or something because Brad jumped on me, "I don't think that’s all you were doing."

I could feel my cheeks turning red. I joined them stretching out. "I did meet a woman"

There was a chorus of, "Oh yeah", from the four other men.

"Don't be like that," I admonished. "I haven't had a real date in forever."

George laughed, "We know. You'd given up."

I laughed too. I'd forgotten about that conversation. It had been George's twentieth anniversary and I'd commented I'd given up getting a date, forget about getting married. "I guess I was too hasty with giving up."

Len put his hands behind his head and thrust his hips, "If you're rusty and need some tips just let me know."

I covered my eyes with my hands, "Thanks, but I’m doing fine."

Hours later I walked into my apartment. Fuck, was I tired. Hadn't gotten much sleep the last couple of days. I smiled thinking about why. Checking out the picture on my phone again, I headed upstairs to shower. I wanted her face. I asked for a closer picture, put my phone on the charger, and hit the shower. Still wet, I fell face down on my bed and was out, not waking up until my manager called. We were going to have dinner tonight. I hung up and I saw I had a text. I closed my eyes and said, “Please."

The look on Emma's face in the picture was sweet with a touch of sexy. Her smile showed off her single dimple, but the slight quirk of her lip was like she had a secret. If I kept thinking about that I was going to get hard.

I was surprised when she responded to my text. It was a short conversation. I like how she'd brought up skipping past the when is it ok to call or text part. I suck at that shit. I think everyone does except assholes who like games. I don't have the time or inclination to figure out if I’ve waited long enough to contact someone. What happens is I'm waiting for the appropriate time, something happens, and I’m outside the window. Which, oddly enough, is exactly what happened with me trying to kiss Emma.

While I say I suck at this shit, I don't suck at all of it. Honestly, I'm a good date. I'm attentive and can be romantic. I like romance. I like how Emma and I started. The touching and talking were refreshing. It was like time stopped. There was nothing but she and I getting to know each other. I know that's not completely true. There were bumps and anxious moments, but that's part of it, part of life. I like how I felt as we maneuvered the bumps. I didn't feel alone. Feeling anxious feels alone. It feels like stuck in your head and you don't want to let the thoughts turn into words because it makes it real. If you don't say it out loud it’s not real. Good and bad with that. If it's not real, it's not real, but if you don't say it out loud no one can help. That’s a double-edged sword too. People think they're helping when they flood you with reasons you shouldn't feel how you do. If only anxiety disappeared with logic. Some people understand, some even know how to help. Then some people use it against you. I’ve known all three types. Even fell in love with the worst type.

The point of all that is to say Emma made it better. Without a pause she did the thing, said the thing, to make it better. By itself, not such a big deal, but when you combine it with everything else. She's smart, beautiful, fun, articulate, kind, sexy, and she makes me feel good. I feel like I've hit some kind of fucking jackpot.

There is an assumption that being famous is a sex buffet. Yes and no. Do you get offered anything you want and a few things you don't? Yes. I got talked into going with several of the Marvel guys to Vegas. I'd heard the stories. There were places one could have no strings sex and little to no risk of anyone talking. I'm not talking about brothels. I mean clubs frequented by locals who knew how to keep secrets. More than one of the guys had "usuals". There is money involved, but it's for discretion, not sex. Yeah, I know. I don't see the difference either. I went, but wound up out of my mind drunk with the faithfully married men. Wasn’t for me. Honestly, I got laid much more in college and the early years. Because once people knew who I was and the offers started I never knew if they wanted me, a story, a name crossed off their "to do" list, a photo op, or were a gold digger. Not that I had any money back then. When you’re shooting somewhere you're not running around fucking locals because you’re busy. And tired. I get up about two hours before call time, so I'm a human being before I get to set. What I'm saying is it's complicated and not easy. A buffet would be easy.

I'm more of a serial monogamist. I like relationships. I like being part of a couple. There are dry spells. There are dates with sex. And there are dry spells. Most recently there's been a friend with benefits. She picked today to call. After the texts with Emma, but before dinner with my manager. We haven't seen each other in, I don't remember exactly, three or four months. It's been a while. Dry spell. Thankfully, this arrangement was not complicated so when I told her I was seeing someone she was happy for me.

The dinner meeting with my manager, Emily, went well. I stayed focused despite the little part of my brain that stayed acutely aware of the time. Volleyball practice was over at nine. Theoretically. It’s a bar league and timing might be loose. She has work in the morning. Probably won't be too late. I should probably stop thinking. If she can't talk she won't answer. Just like all day today when we texted when we could. You know, like functional adults.

Sebastian ~ You home?

Emma ~ Yep

I hit call and waited to hear her voice. "No, no, no."

Click.

Not what I was expecting. I pulled my phone away from my ear and looked at it like it was a foreign object. FaceTime popped up. Oh, okay. I answered and her face filled my screen, "Hey."

Emma smiled, "I'd much rather see you than only hear you."

"This is better." Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she was without makeup. She looked like the day we met. "You're beautiful."

"Thank you." She laid her head to the side and shrugged her shoulders, "Why'd you think I wanted FaceTime?"

I pulled my eyebrows down and pursed my lips, "So I could tell you I think you're beautiful?"

Emma shook her head with a grin, "Because I wanted to see your handsome face."

"Thank you." I inclined my head slightly. "How was practice?"

"Brutal." She laughed. "Sand absolutely everywhere. I miss gym floors and shoes. A lot of drills and some three on three."

"Keep going." I liked listening to her talk. She went into more detail while I listened and watched her facial expressions. She was animated with small movements that brought her words to life. I was especially aware of the quirk of her mouth. I was missing her hands and how they talked as much as her words.

"And how was your morning at the gym?"

I raised a hand, palm up, "Didn't you see my Instagram post?"

"As a matter of fact, I did." I had posted a picture of the group with me lying face down. "You looked tired."

"It was a heavy weight day." I entertained her with some of the day’s antics. The comradery made it less exhausting. We worked hard and we laughed often. "I took a nap before dinner with Emily."

"How'd that go?"

"Good." I nodded. "We've worked together for over twenty years now. I start filming in Rome end of July."

"That will be warm."

"Yeah, it will be. June will be the longest I've been home for a long time."

"Lucky for me."

"When's school out?" I was making plans. Pretty global and unstructured, but plan.

"We have through next week to finish up with work. Then it's fun and games. Celebrations of art and music to show off the projects we've worked on but haven’t sent home. Then there’s a day of outside athletic stuff. Relays, three-legged races, carrying eggs, tug of war. All sorts of things to celebrate sending our fifth graders away and the others flying up a grade.  All three weeks away. School ends on Wednesday. Closing ceremony for staff Thursday. Then Friday I am going home to Alpharetta for a few days. then back to do some curriculum work."

"I thought it was summers off." I was a little disappointed. I, like many, assumed teachers were really off during the summer. This wasn’t working with my as yet unmade plans.

"Depends on what’s going on. The last winter we had so many kids out with flu and an ice storm closed school. We decided we wanted to have options like video lessons on YouTube or Google Classroom. Right before school started, we got our curriculum cleaned up. Figuring out what are the necessary things we need to make sure we teach. Then over the school year we've been recording lessons.  After faculty meetings, we’ve spent time organizing them. This summer we just have to finalize and work with IT do develop the web site."

"Wow, sounds like a huge undertaking."

"It has been, but it will be so helpful if a student is out for them to be able to see the lesson that goes along with their makeup work."

"Are all the grades doing this?"

"Eventually. First and third did this year. We’ll help them to learn from our mistakes."

I got an idea, "Does that mean I can watch videos of you teaching?"

She laughed, "If I enroll you in my class. You'd want to watch that?"

"Maybe. I mean you like watching me do my job."

"Ah, Sebastian. Leveraging a movie to be able to see me teach.”

"I'm not going to promise I'll be in class every day. Never was. But I'd like to see what you do? Someday you'll go on set with me and see how boring most of it is." What did I just say? I’m not shooting anything for almost two months. How very optimistic of me.

"Well, there's an offer I can't refuse."

Good answer. "I've got a photo shoot in a couple of weeks. I think it’s the same week you're going home."

"Ooo, where are you going?" Her face lit up with excitement.

"Toronto. It's promo stuff for the film festival."

"I feel like I should know what you have showing there."

I wanted to reach out and wipe away the annoyed curve of her lips. There was no way she could know unless she was poking around the internet. I liked that she wasn't. "I'll catch you up. It’s a love triangle kind of thing. I'm the bad choice." I told her about filming, how much was improv, and the basic plot. She asked questions to clarify and I enjoyed explaining. I never felt like I was being interviewed. Emma wanted to learn about me.

With the conversation, I'd lost track of time. Again. When I glanced at the clock it was much later than I'd thought. I ran my fingers through my hair, "It's like our first date all over again. Talking for hours."

She smiled, "Its a theme for us. I hate to, but I need to go to bed."

"Believe it or not I’d planned on watching the time, so we could both get some sleep. I, at least, took to a nap." We shared a smile, "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"OK. Good night, Sebastian."

"Night, Emma" She disappeared from my screen and I wasn't very happy. I wanted to keep talking, to keep seeing her expressions. Her green eyes weren't as vibrant on FaceTime, but my memory could fill in the details.

Wednesday was text free and my phone rang at three-thirty. "The children were horrible today."

The exasperated look on her face made me smile, "Could it be their teacher was extra tired today?"

She huffed out a breath, "It’s possible.” Her lips turned to a smile, "Wouldn't change a thing."

"What do horrible children do?"

"Tommy used his folders as frisbees. Annabelle and Brooklyn gave each other tattoos during recess with Sharpies. No one could sit still for lessons or story time. And finally, Marta threw up all over the table and we had to evacuate the room until the custodian got it cleaned up. Room smelled like vomit and Glade the rest of the day."

I had been cringing since the tattoos. "Sorry about the definitely bad day."

Emma nodded, "What did you do today?"

Not much. "Um, long run this morning. Lighter weights today. More core and flexibility. Picked up some Thai food on the way home. Took a shower. Then I started reading a book on female spy units. You called. Now, I’m mostly trying to figure out a way to climb through the internet so I can kiss you. We've still got some catching up to do.”

[keyofjetwolf]

Elisabeth: Bellaria

In “Bellaria”, we have another Essen exclusive. It’s a dour number (show me anybody on earth who has had this stuck in their head), featuring Franz Joseph and his mother, Sophie, as they clash and finally have a falling out over Elisabeth.

IT ONLY TOOK YOU LIKE A DECADE GOOD JOB FRANNY JOJO

The more I think on it, the more I think excluding it from the Takarazuka version was a good idea. Not because it’s not important, but because it doesn’t really have a place in the story the Takarazuka is looking to tell. Franz Joseph develops a backbone, in a sort of crunchy bug exoskeleton way, and Sophie actually finds a sympathetic toehold.

There’s no place for either of those things in the Takarazuka. Elisabeth isn’t entrenched in a mutual bitter power struggle with Sophie, she’s a victim of low-key villainy in the Evil Stepmother vein. Franz Joseph isn’t grappling with his inherent weakness and isolation, he’s a cardboard figure playing as Death’s romantic rival. There’s nothing this song can bring to what the Takarazuka wants to be, and as it’s entirely character-driven, we don’t even need it for plot purposes. TO THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR WITH YOU

So let’s take a look at what it does for its respective characters in the Essen version. It falls just after The Last Chance/Malady, so when Elisabeth learns of Franz Joseph’s adultery and decides to make it an opportunity for her to do whatever the fuck she likes. Which, if you recall, is to wander around Europe for the next couple decades, as you do.

That decision hasn’t yet been made (or at least not revealed), so while I can’t imagine Franz Joseph doesn’t expect some consequence for his dick-sticking choices, I’m not sure he foresaw his personal life becoming twenty-something years of postcards. In a rare gesture toward him, I’ll say that I’m not sure he would do anything different here, even if he did know.

I do believe he means it, as much as I believe that the fact he had sex with someone else isn’t the full stop on the sentence. Elisabeth has done her level best to push him out of her life, even after he’d done what she asked, and after years of this with no end in sight, I can’t fault him for looking elsewhere. I don’t think fucking someone else was the right band-aid to grab from the troubled marriage fix-’em-up box, so I’m not shoving all this on Elisabeth either, just that there’s enough blame to go around.

So yeah, I’ll hand it to Franz Joseph for saying “I fucked up huge, and to try and make it right, I’ll give Elisabeth whatever she needs from me.” AND THEN DOING IT. He immediately puts this into practice, by telling his mother that he’s done with her copious amounts of bullshit. 

GOING TO BET SOPHIE DIDN’T WAKE UP THIS MORNING THINKING SHE’D HEAR THIS

Sophie tries (and also doesn’t try) to defend herself, and now to pop her a little bit of credit too, SHE DID NOT MAKE YOU HAVE THE SEX FRANNY JOJO THAT WAS YOUR CALL FRIEND. She also makes the entirely valid point that her and Elisabeth’s hatemance has actually nothing to do with him.

IT’S NOT EGO WHEN IT’S TRUE

They have a back and forth, with Sophie saying she’s fighting against Elisabeth (”And me!” Franz Joseph says NOT INCORRECTLY) for the sake of the monarchy, and here’s where things with Sophie get extremely interesting.

Agree or disagree with Sophie and her methods, she’s been consistent in her motivations since literally Day One of their marriage: Elisabeth is Empress now, that is the role she willingly accepted.

REMEMBER WHEN THIS HAPPENED SEE IT WASN’T JUST A THROW AWAY IT’S A CENTRAL POINT ABOUT ELISABETH. Nobody forced her into this role, she embraced it with open arms, already knowing she longed for MORE freedom not less, and despite being directly and specifically told that this was was going to take a fuckton away from her. “To live with me will not often be easy for you,” Franz Joseph tells her well ahead of their marriage. “Under the yoke of duty, many dreams are lost.”

“We aren’t like the others, born to be happy.”

ELISABETH LISTEN

I FEEL YOU AREN’T LISTENING ELISABETH

BITCH THIS IS IMPORTANT SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR TWO SECONDS

Nobody tricked her, nobody lied to her, every card was on the table, and she sat down anyway, with a teflon arrogance that’s almost impressive. “Oh none of this will actually apply to me, it’ll be fine!”

Spoiler alert: IT WAS NOT FINE

Sophie’s demanded one thing of Elisabeth, and that was for her to take on the duties and responsibilities of the Empress she agreed to be. Obviously what that means is defined and policed by Sophie, and we can discuss the fairness or unfairness of that, but it’s a separate conversation. What Sophie was after from the start was Elisabeth holding up her end of the contract she willingly entered into.

And by god, that’s STILL what she’s about here at the end of her time in this story.

She even sings it to the same music from that first morning, an excellent and very intentional call-back. I wouldn’t ever try to claim that I think Sophie wasn’t petty and didn’t take some personal delight in making Elisabeth miserable whenever she could; as this scene is showing us, Sophie was human, and we humans fucking love to be petty. But I do believe that the empire, not herself, was at the core of every choice Sophie made and every action Sophie took.

Everything Elisabeth has done and will do is for Elisabeth.

Sophie’s a smart woman, though, and she knows she’s finally lost. Franz Joseph will no longer hear her, and whatever happens from this point forward is out of her hands and away from her influence. With her loss, however, comes a touch of the freedom Elisabeth has spent her life pursuing, and Sophie comes as close to regret as I think she would have ever.

It’s the only hint we get of the struggle Sophie herself has carried. It’s a suggestion that she, too, wanted something else out of life, that her actions have been intentionally crafted, not naturally born. Sophie has demanded so much of Franz Joseph, and Elisabeth, and their children, but no more than she’s ever demanded of herself.

I was surprised by how deeply I responded to Sophie in this moment. It’s so small, but so good, and I must give credit to Sophie’s actress as well, for the way the strength and defiance just bleeds out of her. Before our eyes, Sophie shrinks, going from an indomitable force to an exhausted, defeated old woman.

Before she leaves, Sophie has one final bit of advice for her son. “Those who forget their duties must perish. Only when it is too late will you understand that.”

“Understand me,” Franz Joseph replies, holding firm and finally refusing to capitulate to her.

Then this, which UGH, is just played SO SO WELL. Sophie doesn’t look at Franz Joseph when he says this. Instead, she bows her head, accepting her defeat, and you can see how it just GUTS Franz Joseph to see it. He reaches out for her, unable to stop himself, but she’s already turned away.

She hasn’t noticed and slowly begins to leave the room. She’s been using her cane the entire scene, but now it’s particularly noticeable as she leans her entire weight into it. (It’s a brilliant example of using a prop to build a character.) Franz Joseph takes the opportunity to gather himself. Near the door, Sophie turns to him for one last look, a silent appeal perhaps, or an opportunity for him to change his mind and undo some of what’s been done.

Instead, he’s standing at attention, and gives her one last formal bow.

AND I’M SCREAMING. Everything Sophie’s been demanding of Franz Joseph, everything she’s drilled into him (”Be strong. Be hard. Be cold.”) has finally come to full bear, and against her.

They say nothing. Sophie leaves, and Franz Joseph stands alone, dwarfed by the Hapsburg crest.

[ofnifflersandkings]

Title: It’s You and Me Character: Jake Peralta A/n: So the request for this was one of those AU’s where your soulmates first words to you are then tattooed onto your arm.

•

“If I have to hear one more story about how someone found their soulmate today, I’m retiring.” Jake complained to Charles as the two of them took a break in the small kitchen area in the precinct.

Charles refilled his coffee mug and nodded. “I hear you, but don’t worry about it too much. You’ll find yours soon.”

Jake scoffed, filling his coffee with creamer. “Psh, I don’t even want to find my soulmate. I am totally content being a single man for the rest of my natural life.”

Charles looked at him with wide eyes. “Really?”

“No, I am very much alone and bitter,” Jake admitted, setting aside his spoon and sighing. “But! I tell myself that to dull the pain, however that is not important!” He said quickly. “What matters is that I can still be happy regardless of being single.”

Charles raised his mug slightly into the air. “More power to you.”

Jake tapped his fingers along the counter. “Let’s see, Santiago, Gina, and Terry, and Captain Holt already have their soulmates. So, that leaves us and Rosa.”

“Aren’t you going to count Hitchcock and Scully?”

“Nah, those two are practically soulmates already regardless of the tattoo thing,” Jake said, taking a small sip from his mug. “On the plus side, Rosa isn’t even really the romance type so at least we can count on her!”

“Not anymore.” The infamous cold tone of Rosa’s voice came from behind him, causing Jake to whirl around and see her standing there with her arms crossed.

“No way,” Jake said, placing his mug down. “Let me see.”

“Ask me that again and I will rip your arms off,” Rosa said with a frown. “All you need to know is that she’s a lovely lady, and even though I’ve only known her for a day, I would gladly step in front of a bus for her.” She said, giving them both glares as she filled her coffee cup and left the room smiling.

“Oh, come on! Even the Queen of Darkness gets her soulmate before me?!” Jake said, crashing into one of the kitchen chairs.

Charles was still staring at the door with shock. “I gotta say, I wasn’t expecting that.”

•

Jake decided to go to the bar after the work that day, being surrounded in a building of people who only gushed about their soulmates or complaining how they didn’t have their’s yet was starting to make him depressed.

He parked his car next to the enterence and headed inside, paying for his usual drink, letting the overwhelming sound of dozens of conversations flittering through the air pour into his ears and cloud his mind off all the stupid soulmate talk.

One drink turned into two and then three until he was feeling particularly fuzzy. Jake twirled his glass across the bar table, deciding if he should just go home or not.

It was shitty, almost everyone around him finding their one and falling in love and living in blissful happiness right in front of him while he couldn’t even find someone to casually date until he would finally meet his one.

Jake was just to slide from the bar stool when he felt someone knudge on his shoulder.

“There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you!”

Jake turned around and came to face with you, a cute girl wearing a bright yellow coat that looked like it was engulfing you, but somehow just seemed perfect.

When your eyes met your face dropped. “Oh shit, sorry, wrong person. Just ignore me.” Your cheeks turned bright pink and Jake thought it was the cutest thing.

He couldn’t even open his mouth before you immediately disappeared into the crowd of the busy bar.

There was a distinct scratching sensation on his forearm, and when he looked down he saw small words being written on his forearm.

Jake’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head whenever he saw “There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you!” on his arm in cute and loopy handwriting.

His head shot up and he was able to catch a glimpse of your coat, there was a moments hesitation before he was sprinting after you.

“Hey! Wait a second!” Jake all but screamed at you, but you were already so far away and for the first time he felt thankful for the police academy drills because he easily picked up his pace just as you were about to get into a cab.

“Wait!”

You turned your head to the side and saw the man from the bar running towards you and you debated if you should just jump in the cab and tell him to floor it, but for whatever reason, your feet remained cemented to the sidewalk.

Jake skidded to a stop nearly a foot away from you, panting heavily while he desperately tried to catch his breath.

You looked at him wide-eyed. “Uh, yes?”

“I can’t believe I finally found you!” Jake all but wheezed before resting his hands on his knees for a moment. “God, I hate running.”

Your brows furrowed. “Are you confusing me for someone else too?“

Jake shook his head. “No! I know! it’s just that..,” He didn’t know how to phase it so he just rolled up the sleeve of his shirt and showed off his arm.

You caught sight of the writing and your eyes went wide again, prompting you to grab onto his arm so you could examine it closer.

You were about to speak but the cab driver honked his horn. “Ay! I gotta get going are you comin’ or what?”

Jake frowned. “Excuse me, kind sir, I’m trying to have a moment with my soulmate here. Don’t really need additional dialogue right now.”

You shut the cab door, barely noticing how fast the cab sped off and you dropped Jake’s arm, shoving up your sleeve and examining your own arm.

“Aw what?!”

Jake’s heart dropped. “What? Is nothing there? Oh god, I refuse to be one of those one-sided soulmate tragedies!”

“No, it’s there,” You said, giving him your arm this time. “I just realized how cheesy they both sound.”

Jake gently took your arm and “I can’t believe I finally found you!” written in his sloppy handwriting and he could have cried. The smile on his face was so wide you thought it would split his face. “I don’t think I’ve felt that many emotions at once since my Bar Mitzvah or the first time I had sex.”

You laughed and it made Jake blush horribly.

“Yeesh, I guess I’m stuck with you then?” You had your lips turned into a teasing smile and it only caused Jake’s smile to grow.

“I can only promise it’ll get worse from here,” Jake said before holding his hand out to you. “My name’s Jake Peralta, and it’s so wonderful to finally meet you.”

You took his hand and shook it, all the while keeping eye contact. “I’m (Y/f/n), and it’s spectacular to meet you.”

The two of you just shook hands while you positively beamed at each other.

“What a wild story we’ll have, met each other in a bar and then you chased me a good two blocks.” You said, still holding onto his hand.

“Oh yeah! This is a pretty great one isn’t it. How lame would it have been if we just bumped into each at like, a coffee house and we both were stuck with ‘Oh, sorry’ tattooed on our wrists for eternity?”

“So lame! I guess we lucked out then didn’t we?”

Jake smiled at you while he let out a content sigh. “You know, you’ve got really pretty eyes.”

The smile that broke out on your face made Jake’s insides melt.

“And you, have terrible handwriting,” You said with that pretty laugh again. “I get this is supposed to be romantic or whatever, but I had to point it out now. You seem really sweet, so I must be pretty lucky.”

You were absolutely perfect.

And you thought the same about him.

You finally dropped his hand only to adjust your sleeve. “So what do we do now? I didn’t think I’d get this far.”

“Me either,” Jake said with a nervous laugh, the former alcohol starting to kick in. “Maybe we could go out once I’m not totally drunk?”

You nodded. “I’d really like that,” You said before brushing your hair behind your ear. “Since I lost my cab, why don’t I drive you home? Can’t have my soulmate dying on me minutes after I find him.”

Jake agreed enthusiastically, all but shoving the keys into your hands. “Sure! I can take you to my car.”

You slipped your free hand into his, smiling whenever he gave it a small squeeze and looked down at you.

“It’s slightly embarrassing how much I’ve been thinking about this exact moment recently.” He admitted as you two walked back to the bar.

“Do you wanna know a secret?” You asked in a hushed tone, waiting for his nod.

“Me too.”

[doctor-sweet-blog]

also all belle and simba too lbr

BELLE

☾ - sleep headcanon

belle sleeps primarily on her side, curled up all cute-like. she normally sleeps with her hand tucked up under her chin and all snuggled in her blankets, sometimes all you can see is the top of her head. and if she’s really tired--she totally drools. just a lil, enough to be cute and not gross. lol

★ - sad headcanon

i feel like there are?? so many?? after her mom died, her dad forgot her birthday every year. for like...twelve years, to the point where even belle forgot it was her birthday after a while.

☆ - happy headcanon

sometimes, on her dad’s good days, when he would go work in his workshop, he would let belle come in too and he would teach her different little mechanical things or show her his inventions in progress and belle always thought they were the most wonderful things.

☠ - angry/violent headcanon

when belle’s dad left she lowkey destroyed a bunch of his inventions because she was so mad. tbh, belle will definitely throw things when she’s mad enough. it doesn’t happen often but she is not opposed to lobbing a pillow or a book at someone.

✿ - Sex headcanon

obviously, she’s not the most interested in sex (and right now it definitely isn’t a priority rly) but she does appreciate it and i think when she has time (when everything stops being awful forever) she will get v v curious and that will be a #trip

■ -  Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon

gosh what hcs do i not have about belle’s house? i know i’ve mentioned this one a lot but it’s my favorite: belle’s house is covered in clocks. they’re everywhere. and none of them tell the proper time. they’re all wacked out.

♡ - romantic headcanon

belle’s way of showing romance is like surprisingly more physical than i imagined, but she’s not good at words, so she has to show it with her actions. she likes to touch people, just little touches (and this goes for friends too). once she feels comfortable, it is how belle shows affection bc she really doesn’t like touching strangers/being touched otherwise.

♥ - family headcanon

maurice and charisse met in paris while maurice was fixing one of the big fancy clocks in the opera house. charisse was on her way to practice and a spring got loose and hit her and she was so mad about it she started yelling at maurice but cut herself off halfway because she realized he was fixing a clock and goodness isn’t that fascinating--and she missed her rehearsal because she was just drilling him with questions.

☮ - friendship headcanon

in school there were definitely people who wanted to be her friend, most of belle’s loneliness was self-made because she thought people were pitying her or wanting to be her friend to get into her pants/have her help them with school (both of which were often true.) but she was very good friends with a few of her teachers, and of course, mr. livre, the owner of chapter three.

♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon

humming. belle hums a lot. she used to sing too, when she lived alone. but she hums when she’s reading sometimes, even, without realizing she’s doing it. or hums while she’s making dinner or in the shower or cleaning (which she rarely does lmao)

☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon

secretly loves trashy romance novels, though she’d never admit to it. she’s not really a fan of autobiographies.

▼ - childhood headcanon

belle used to draw on her bedroom window with dry erase markers. she created these beautiful scenes to entertain herself (she’d like stage whole battles and stuff) because she didn’t have any traditional toys--no dolls or leggos or anything like that. all she really had was her imagination.

∇ -. old age/aging headcanon

when belle will be sharp as a whip until the day she dies. she’s that grandma that is still up and moving around at 97 years old, correcting people for their grammar and having philosophical discussions.

♒ - cooking/food headcanon

belle is not the world’s greatest cook. she had to entirely teach herself and while she is excellent at following a recipe, she is almost too good, and never leaves room for interpretation which leaves her food just kind of meh.

☼ - appearance headcanon

belle rarely wears patterns, unless she’s going to an event, and even then she stays away from them--or too-bright of colors. anything that draws the eye. she dresses pretty conservatively too, long to-the-knee skirts at least and blouses buttoned all the way up (she’s a master at safety pinning her shirts so they don’t pop open.)

ൠ - random headcanon

belle knows allllll the kinds of tools like the difference between a philip’s head and a flat head screwdriver; hammers, different kinds of nails, screws, etc etc. because she helped her dad a lot on his inventions.

SIMBA

☾ - sleep headcanon

as a kid, simba was read to every night without fail and then listened to books on tape to fall asleep, or music if all else fails. he got broken of the habit when away for school, but when he has a bad night the easiest way for him to get back to sleep is to listen to someone read him something.

★ - sad headcanon

every time something significant happens in his life (he gets engaged/married, has a kid/dog, gets a new job, moves)--he’s going to cry because he wants so badly to share those things with his dad and he can’t.

☆ - happy headcanon

simba is lowkey like super excited to go through all of kiara’s big milestones with her. he doesn’t really talk about it but he thinks about her graduations and her getting married (and he really hopes she’ll ask him to walk her down the aisle or some equivalent--”give her away” or w/e).

☠ - angry/violent headcanon

when simba gets angry it is almost 100% of the time because someone put someone in danger or was in danger themselves. most of his like true anger is a defense mechanism against fear.

✿ - Sex headcanon

simba is like the most goofy person during sex like 70% percent of the time. he likes to crack jokes or tickle or just do things to make the other person laugh because he’s super comfortable with his body and stuff but he knows other people aren’t so he’s always tried to be like a super relaxed partner and likes to make sex fuN because it should be FUN

■ -  Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon

when he was a kid, simba was superrrr messy. it got a little better when he was in boarding school bc im sure they had like regular room inspections, but as soon as he hit uni his shit exploded again. buttt when he bought the cabin, he fixed it up himself. there were like leaky ceilings and rotted floorboards and all sorts of stuff, and he spent like a whole year fixing it up and painting it and picking out all the furniture. his house is lowkey his baby and he doesn’t like it being messy bc he wants it to look impressive. it’s definitely like--lived in, but not messy.

♡ - romantic headcanon

simba is not one of those people who withholds his “i love you’s” and he’s not someone who thinks saying it makes it mean less because that’s utterly ridiculous. he grew up with a family that said “i love you” a lot and he thinks it’s very important that the person u love knows that.

♥ - family headcanon

there is a big line for simba between friends and family. and yes, it is possible for people not related to him to cross the divide, but it is very distinct for him. it doesn’t mean he really treats people differently--until it comes to making the decision of keeping someone in his life or not. friends are a lot easier for him to cut out, but it is almost impossible for him to cut out family (you have to be taka, lmao. he is the exception.)

☮ - friendship headcanon

simba is so incredibly loyal to his friends. and he is definitely that person to call when you have to move or when you need a last minute babysitter or you have two tickets to some boring art show and you need someone to go with you. the friend to call if you’re feeling weird while walking home at dusk. he will bend over backwards to keep the people he loves happy and he is more than wiling to lend an ear or helping hand.

♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon

simba keeps a prayer mat in his office/at home/and in his car and he prays three times a day almost without fail (only if he is too depressed/drunk not to). he prays at sunrise (shorook), afternoon (asr), and evening (maghrib). (he mixes it up sometimes, like depending on his schedule he’ll pray at noon or later at night--there are five prayer times.)

☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon

simba loves snacks. or food in general. he’s always eating. which makes ramadan so rough for him ahaha. he very much dislikes people who think that they are know-it-alls. they make him feel stupid.

▼ - childhood headcanon

simba’s favorite thing when he was a kid was when everyone would get together and dance. this could be just him and his mom and dad; or him and nala and their other friends; or whole groups of people together. he just lovesss dancing.

∇ -. old age/aging headcanon

simba will be the cutest old man omg. he’ll still love babies so much whenever someone in the family has a baby he’s that grandpa that is just so cute and wants to touch their little heads and give little kisses and give all sorts of life advice to the parents (unsolicited.)

♒ - cooking/food headcanon

food is a big, important thing to simba because it symbolizes family and bounty. he’s used to just having huge meal celebrations with his family and whenever he eats he hates to do it alone, he’ll go wandering around with his plate until he can find someone to bother while he eats.

☼ - appearance headcanon

simba is a surprisingly snazzy dresser. his mother has an eye for fashion, and tbh so does simba. he loves colors, he rarely wears jeans because he much prefers colored trousers. he has all sorts of fun shoes and shirts and ties and he wears colorful bracelets sometimes too, and occasionally cloth or beaded necklaces from kenya. now he has his dad’s watch that he wears sometimes, though not always.

ൠ - random headcanon

now that things are better, sarabi was finally able to give simba everything that was left to him by his father in the will--including a few quilts his grandmother made, his father’s watch and a few other pieces of jewelry, and, most importantly, his father’s wedding ring (sarabi gave him her wedding band too, though she kept the engagement ring to continue wearing.)

[thyfoulart]

July 30, 2017 @ 1040 AM

You know, I used to be on Tumblr a lot, like, all of the fucking time. I lived on here and i thought it was a good place to get some attention. Obviously, I never did. One thing I’ve been learning is that the things you do shouldn’t be for attention. Doing what you like should be your purpose. Now, here is where I’m stuck. What the fuck do I like to do?? Hmm, I don’t know. This a great way for me to reflect. This is like my meditation. Being able to put thoughts down makes me actually process my thoughts more and remember what im thinking of. Most of the time. Now, seriously, what do I like to do? What are my goals? 

1. I like to go hiking. - Why? Well, when I go hiking, i feel the fresh outdoors. It’s quiet, and relaxing. I get time to think and get away from the world. My son is entertained. If he’s not wanting me to pick him up, then he’s walking or running and checking things out. Plus, it tires him out. Which means that he should go to sleep earlier. This is what I should do more often. Get outside.

2. I like dancing. - Why? I feel fun and alive. Being able to be good at it gives me confidence. Being complimented on it, brightens me up. Knowing that I can do something, other people can’t always do, makes me feel amazing. And, it’s such a fun thing to do with other people. You hype each other up. It can also be romantic. Dancing together in sync. Performing as one. Being close to each other. Unless, we get to the freak dancing, the grinding and stuff. I still find it fun, and well its sexual and I really like sex sooooo... yeah. Anyways, I should practice dancing more.

3. I like working out. - Why? Well, it sucks balls to put up heavy weight. It sucks to not be able to push as much as you want sometimes. But, I like the results. I’ve seen the results before. I know I can do it and push really hard. It makes me look good, it makes me stronger, it makes me more attractive, and i get in better connection with myself. I’m learning how to strengthen not just my body, but my mind.

4. I like spending time with my son. - Why? Well, he’s my son. He gives me life. He gives me purpose. He’s funny. He’s such a beautiful baby boy, and he’s mine. Even as a baby, where we know sometimes they don’t put us in the best of moods because of everything else going on in our lives, at the end of the day, we love them. They’re innocent. They’re trying. They want to do as much as they can and have as much as they can, just like us. It’s a wonderful learning experience.

5. I like being alone. - Why? I am left without outside worry. How? Well, if I’m alone. I don’t have to worry about being affected by things that I feel like I can’t get rid of. I don’t like having too close of ties because most of the time i’m just by myself. The only one I keep around is my son. I’ve been really judgmental, and easily affected lately. Since, me and my ex split, I never wanted to come in conflict with things. Not having to worry, and not putting myself out in comfortable positions is valuable to me. That could also be a problem. I’m cutting myself off from opportunities, based on the chance that I might not like what happens. So, this needs to be reevaluated.

6. I like to read. - Why? It teaches me so many things that I didn’t know. It let’s me get in touch with other peoples’ lives. It helps me connect and understand myself. I’m not the greatest with reaching out to people, especially people who are so huge in the world and are trying to have their own personal lives, but can’t. Either way, reading has helped me reach parts of these peoples’ lives that I never thought possible. It’s like asking for information without trying to pry it out of them or hunting them down. 

7. I like talking to people. - Why? It makes me feel normal. I wasn’t the greatest at talking to strangers as I was growing up. I was always shy. I was scared of being judged or being looked at in any strange unacceptable way. I also had no confidence in myself. I had no self esteem. I think it’s because my thoughts were always put down because they didnt follow the norm. They didnt follow the standards. That was coming from anywhere in my family. That’s where I remember it most. I still recently remember it coming mostly from my brother, someone who I don’t constantly remember having around. I never trusted him. I was never able to actually make mistakes in life. I couldn’t make the mistakes that were going to build my character. Also, my dad. I was afraid of him and what he would think. Of course, we’re worried about our parents putting us down because we love them the most but they’ll judge us the most. Their words and thoughts were drilled into my head, so I’d go into the mirror and I’d tell myself that same shit before I heard come out of their mouths. Now, the really sad part. My mom. My mom always wanted to lift me up with any of my ideas, but she would love to omit the truth of her opinion, where she would tell me how wrong or dumb it might have been. It’s that same way how your mom plays super nice to your girlfriend, but once you break up, she’s talking all this shit saying she knew the whole time... remember that? yeah, so I stopped asking my mom for advice on my dreams and ideas because in all honesty, my mom didn’t pursue her dreams, even now. She’s also pretty indecisive. So, there’s my jackass brother who tries to make everyone like him or be right all of the time. Then, my scary dad who was hard to figure out, but i never wanted to disappoint, but also didnt give me the time and support I needed, and recently told me to do what I love as a life career. Lastly, my indecisive mom, who couldn’t teach me to make my own decisions. Those all ruined me socially. I wasn’t confident, i was scared, and indecisive. How the fuck do you socialize with that personality?

8. fuck, after all that ^? i guess... i like to learn about myself. i like to run my mouth. i like to reflect. i like to talk about me, and i like to have the attention on me. honest fucking truth. - why? well, it makes me feel fucking good. knowing more about me, let’s me make changes. the things that make me feel wrong, or stupid, or that are flawed, or even unacceptable in my own eyes, should be known to me. i could go through my whole life being ignorant about my own problems. there could be roadblocks keeping me from having a better life. people might not even tell me about it. so, yes, i love to talk about me. i love to talk about other people, but i love to let them know about me too. it’s not just all about me like im bragging. its about hey this is who i am, how can we collab? that’s really it. tell me where i can improve. tell me what you notice about me. tell me what i seem to obsess over. tell me more. help me improve. 

9. look, this is it for this post... Lastly, I like to love. i love to love. - why? because it fucking feels good. I miss loving. i used to throw my heart out there. but ive ended up in turmoil. i dont know why things got so bad. and then i also looked at them, thinking, maybe i couldve done way better. maybe i couldve had higher standards or more confidence. my mind takes charge these days because my heart wasn’t smart. but when i loved and i was in love, man i was so happy. i could just let go and be vulnerable. i could be free. i felt freedom when i loved. i loved knowing that this one person was there for me. i loved having someone who had to listen to my bullshit, until i realized that they didnt care all that much... but i had someone around you know? that felt good. now, i just got my son. and it feels good to love him. i just can’t really talk with him or get any feedback. i feel like im just monitoring him half of the time and trying to learn about him. i just wanna be in his position haha. love feels good. especially with all of the cute things. they’ll bright your world up and make you do great things. it just sucked when it flipped around and you performed like shit in everything else. i just dont want to feel like im guarding myself all of the time anymore. i just want to be free. love gave me that.

(this post concluded @ 1050 PM)

[rueur]

Morning Pages #29 (08.07.2017)

Wednesday 8th February - 11:09 a.m.

Hey. I am a little bit of a mess right now. I have to sort out my past, it seems. Ikaros wanted me to come over yesterday, and I said that I would but then yesterday morning I said no. I was trying to be nice about it, but I just don’t really know what I can say to be nice anymore that’ll stop me from putting myself second. He rarely prioritises me. And he’s been milking the pregnancy scare lately, like saying that he rushed over for my own benefit rather than for his. He called me last night and talked about that a little more, all the while ignoring the fact that he had been freaking out too, that the outcome of the test would have as great an impact on his future than on mine, and essentially acting like caring about somebody is equivalent to being a charitable person rather than a person who’s in love. The bare truth is that he knows to up the ante when things are going downhill, and when the waters are smooth, he’s perfectly fine with sitting back with his hands behind his head.

I saw Lauren yesterday. I had been planning to see Lauren again for a while now, but I didn’t tell Ikaros because it was none of his business, really. He found out that I saw Lauren yesterday though, I think I had mentioned that in last morning’s pages. I was a little frustrated about that, but talking to Lauren really helped. As it does. She is just fantastic company, even if all we do is talk. She’s just very honest and open and completely accepting of everybody around her. I’m never afraid of making a bad impression on her and I think the fact that our first meeting was just five or six hours of great conversation is the reason why I feel so at ease around her. Anyway, she was drilling me a little about how I’ve been going with meeting people. I spoke to her a little about my frustrations with Nick and how I sorely regret going anywhere aside from Laundry, and I also told her a little about Evan. I think I also used the word ‘cosmic’ when I spoke about him, because really being around him has been something rather singular. There’s something that I didn’t really experience when I had first met Ikaros. Really with Ikaros, it’s always been pure animal attraction. He was incredibly attractive to me, one of the most beautiful men I have ever met in my life. And I kind of just ignored the fact that he was a self-proclaimed asshole, and often didn’t treat me with the respect I felt I deserved. That attraction is another reason why this break-up has been so drawn out. It seems that for a while, neither of us were ready to stop being physically intimate with one another, but the sex was also the one thing that was really holding us together. And it’s definitely not enough, especially since the pregnancy scare, and the fact that my cycle still hasn’t fully recovered since I’ve gone off my birth control. It’s just an incredibly messy time to be sexually active, and I have tried explaining this to him since November, but he hasn’t really listened, hasn’t taken responsibility for his actions either. I didn’t mention the pregnancy scare to Lauren though, I only mentioned that we had been taking some time apart and then just decided that we were probably better apart. Honestly though, after he called me last night, I feel like Ikaros doesn’t want time apart at all. He said that he can’t stand the idea of me not being his girlfriend, which I find hard to believe. I just think he’s not motivated enough to move on, rather than it not being possible at all for him to move on. That’s what he claimed on the phone. For a boy who’s told me twice or thrice within the span of four months that he doesn’t like being with me, he is very eager to keep me around. I don’t like that. He’s made me feel totally rejected far too many times now. I’m not going to allow myself to feel like shit anymore.

Lauren also asked me how I’ve been going with meeting women, because I’ve been interested in exploring my sexuality and indulging in my (oftentimes blatant) attraction to other women. I’ve told her it’s been wholly unsuccessful, because social interactions with straight girls are just so gay anyway that you’re not sure if they’re ever into you or if they’re just letting loose. That and girls get along so well with each other, the mere company of women alone is so life-giving. Anyway, Lauren’s interrogation of sorts was a bit of a godsend, because it allowed me to realise that perhaps it’s not just the loving nature of all girls that stands in the way of my having lesbian experiences, but also perhaps the fact that I’m feeling anxious about this imminent exploration of my sexuality. I was raised in a conservative household, I told her, and I can happily say that I’m bisexual in theory, but as soon as I become a bisexual in practice I feel that it might be a lot harder for me to be under a roof with my parents. I feel like I’d be holding in this immense secret. A secret so meaningless on one hand yet the morality of which is so taboo in my household, that my parents might feel strongly enough about it to disown me. Perhaps. Lauren said she totally understood this, and then surprisingly enough, went on to ask me if I was interested in trying anything with her. She said she was very sex positive when I met her, so I wasn’t really taken aback by this question. I was more taken aback by her interest in ME! She’s so gorgeous, I was not expecting her to be interested in me. On our last couple of meetings, she referred to me as one of her ‘online meetup friends’, that is people she had met online and whose company she enjoys platonically. She said she currently has seven girls, myself included, who she met on tinder and other dating apps and her interaction with these seven girls has been purely platonic. Anyway, I believe that next time I see her, I might get to lose my lesbian virginity. Which is exciting, I feel. She said she did find me attractive and called me ‘very pretty’. I grew incredibly warm inside and could not help but grin and stutter a string of compliments back at her. I told her I found her attractive, and felt since I’d met her that I was interested in trying something with her. I just never voiced that until yesterday. Neither of us did. I’m excited now though. Lauren said that her criteria for wanting to have sex with someone was simply that she sees them as somebody she could be friends with. She sees me as a friend already, so she assured me that it would be not at all uncomfortable for HER, so she hopes that that knowledge might help me feel totally at ease too when we do try anything. She also said she’d try and ‘steal me away as much as possible before uni starts’. I felt very warm inside after she left, I’ll just leave it at that. I’m really glad I got to meet her and Jacob. They’re both so beautiful, and I feel they will become very great friends of mine over this year. Jacob is a little unpredictable though, and I also feel like he might want to try something with me too. I don’t know how I feel about that entirely. I mean I know I want to be with Lauren, but considering that Jacob and Lauren rarely ever share partners unless they’re in a threesome, I just don’t know whether I’d really be up for trying anything with Jacob. That, and I have enough men in my life. I have too many! I have too many men in my life. I just want one, goodness. I swear to you that if Nick tries to keep being romantic with me, I will stop talking to him entirely. It’s weirding me out immensely. I’ve TOLD him, I do not want anything from him and he keeps trying. It’s very unsettling.

I’m really not cut out for open relationships, or for being single if I’m being honest. I’m built to be in a relationship, I’m built for commitment. I’m built for having a partner, somebody I can learn and grow with. I know I’ve probably said this before. It’s just so painfully true.

I have to be on the train in a little under an hour now, about forty minutes. So I’m on a bit of a time constraint to finish this final page, because I am on the final page now. I’m heading to Coburg to meet Marcus at the new Inkblot Studios HQ, for some script development on ‘Rock Pool’. We’re going to see if it can be produced and then filmed, hopefully. Casting might be a little difficult just because the actors will all need to be of South Asian descent, or look like they could be from South Asia. The thing with Sri Lankan people is that they can look very different from one another at times, partly due to Dutch and French colonisation, partly due to migration, partly due to the slave trade too. Sri Lankan Kaffirs have African bloodlines, and the Veddha do as well, but the Veddha people are presumed to be ‘extinct’ in the sense that they were all either killed or just kept having children with Indian migrants until they were more Indian than native Sri Lankan. I have some Portuguese on my mum’s side, and some French and African blood on my dad’s side, so it’s hard to say what I’m exactly. My features are also up for question, generally. So are my parents’. My mum has very white skin, and could definitely pass for Hispanic. Her youngest sister, Babi, moreso, because of her light brown hair. My dad’s family on the other hand, is very dark and they all have big, flat noses. My dad’s hair is quite afro-textured, more in his youth than it is today. But the Tunga family from Matara definitely have some far-reaching blood, reaching off the continent in all directions.

I’m very interested in my heritage, really. If that hasn’t been made clear by my last paragraph. I know that my family prescribes to South Asian belief systems and the Sri Lankan culture/traditions, but when I look at myself, I just see a human being now. I have been tackling a lot of cultural/religious matter in my work for some time now. ‘Rock Pool’ is no exception. So I’m keen to develop it and see what it turns into, see what it can say to others. I wish the same for my spoken word pieces, I hope that they end up saying worthwhile things to the people who hear them. I should probably start getting ready to leave now though.