#and help em die. i would try to save them and say it's ok ur ok there's a place where being like u is ok u don't have to feel/look like them

[justaholeinmysoul]

I'm so depressed and stressed I feel like crying the whole day. I swear I speak like gigi Hadid

[birbfeeder2artisticboogaloo]

thousand autumns donghua, episode 13~

(i have been warned in advance that this one is gonna HURT. so. brace urselves, gentle tumblrinas 😩)

kid: how come i've got to fetch water?? MAKE SHIWU DO IT! D:<

shifu: *WHACK* i may not have a shillelagh but i HAVE GOT A HORSETAIL WHISK. GO, CHILD. DO CHORES!!

ohhh poor sweet shiwu ;A; he volunteers to help anyway ;A; what a good lad!! DOn'T TAKE HIM FROM ME 😭😭

shen qiao: *is unconscious in front of the temple*

the kids (in skyrim child's voice): AH!! DEAD BODY!!! DDD:

sang jingxing: how dare shen qiao hurt me. I AM HURT. I AM HURT BY SHEN QIAO TRYING TO STOP ME FROM KILLING AND EATING HIM. >:(

awwww now shiwu is looking after shen qiao ;A; he's so SWEET, he's such a kind and gentle babby ;A;

OH NOES!!! SHEN QIAO'S MERIDIANS ARE BROKEN!?! HE CAN'T DO MARTIAL ARTS???!!! BUT HE HAS LITERALLY NO OTHER SKILLS (that we know of)!!!!

ashdodsdaisji shifu is strict!! but shiwu goes 'even if u've got a sharp tongue, i know ur a good man, shifu! :D' and now shifu can't say shit when shiwu asks him to heal shen qiao!!!! well played, u clever babby, well played indeed!!! 🤣

yan wushi: lol u better pray for urself shen qiao. like call an ambulance but not for me >:D

shen qiao: *goes thru a magical girl transformation in his sleep*

shen qiao: that was weird :)

OH!!! HIS MERIDIANS ARE FIXED??? HIS DANTIAN IS HEALING?? HE CAN SEE??????

yan wushi (in his memories): lol let's uhhhh dual cultivate >;D >;D >;D

shen qiao (waking up): *BAAAARRRRFFFFF*

uh-oh

OH NO CHUYI

CHUYI NOOOO BE QUIET, CHILD!!! RUN, CHILD!!! RUN!!!

'xiao daoshi' this guy definitely drives a white van in the modern au version of this story 😒

NO DON'T HURT THE BABY!!! LET HIM GO U TWAT!!! ;A;

oh it's the weirdo with the fan made of knives!! lol i didn't recognise u with a child suspended in front of ur face as a hostage 😊

knife-fan guy: if u don't bring shen qiao here within two hours i will kill EVERY PRIEST HERE!! >:)

all three of them?? ok lol

……….i am bluffing pls do not kill them one is old and two are baby pls do NOT KILL THEM ;A;

shifu: well, that kid's dead. hehuan sect will kill everyone anyway, so i'll go die and u take care of my other student, k?

shen qiao: :) ??? :)

awww he froze shen qiao in place bc he knew shen qiao was gonna throw himself in front of them ;A;

HE PAT SHIWU ON THE HEAD GOOD-BYE

SHIFU NO

SHIFU DON'T DO IT

SHIFU NOOOOOOOO

knife-fan guy: wow too bad i have to kill this cute kid lol >:) i would have preferred to kill shen qiao but this is fine too >:)

shifu entering the scene like a character from a shakespeare play: 'it's dark!! who has disturbed my dream??'

and verily shifu did appear and try to make the blackguard spare his young squire the noose!! alas, the cruel knave believed him not, when shifu swore he did not know shen qiao, the one the blackguard sought; and so, in blood-soaked rage did he—AHEM ANYWAY

AHHH, XIAO SE!! that was his name. xiao se, bai rong, and yan shou!!! they are all the hehuan sect clowns, they who use children as human shields!! (except bai rong 😘)

awww poor shifu ;A; he knows his odds are bad but he's still trying to protecc shen qiao and save his boy ;A;

holy shit shifu is badass!!! GET EM SHIFU

uhhhh they're not gonna make me watch the kid die, are they?? are they???

zhu lengquan is shifu's name!!! nice to meet u sir!! im just gonna call u shifu tho. bc i have a feeling i won't be able to call u anything for very much longer ;A;

OH NO

OHHH NOOOOOOOO

CHUYI

CHUYIIIIIII NOOOOOOOOOOOO

THEY

THEY MADE ME WATCH

THEY MADE ME WATCH THE CHILD DIE

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

AWWW SHIFU YELLED HIS NAME!! HE IS HEARTBROKEN OMG

damn shifu is cool!! he's fighting so hard on chuyi's behalf ;A; he even SPITS on the murderer!! bc he's a BADASS MOTHERFUCKER!!!! U GO KING!!!

SHIFUUUUUU

SHIFUUUU NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

'even if i knew who he was, i wouldn't tell u bc u killed my disciple!! KILL ME FIRST'

and then they did ;A;

SCREW U LOT!!! SHIFU AND CHUYI WERE GOOD GUYS AND THEY DESERVED THE WORLD ;A;

NOOOOOOO SHIWU AND SHEN QIAO ARE CRYINGGGGG

FCK IM CRYING TOO

NOOOOOOOO MY BABIESSSSS

bai rong don't betray them. BAI RONG DON'T BETRAY THEM

awww THANK U BAI RONG!! UR THE BEST BAI RONG ;A;

she's just!! SO GREAT ;A; THANK U BBYGIRLLLLLL ;A;

BUT MY POOR SHIWU ;A;

my poor bby!!! he's crying so much!!!

NOW THEY’RE BOTH CRYING OVER SHIFU'S BODYYYY ;A;

THIS IS SO FUCKING SAD ;A;

shen qiao what are u doing wITH THAT SWORD oh he's

he's doing a swear. he make an oath. ok cool

AWWWW THEY BURIED SHIFU AND CHUYI ;A;

spongebob squarepants narrator guy: a few days later~

shen qiao and shiwu stare sadly at the river and cry ;A; they're sad, i'm sad, WE'RE ALL SAD HERE ;A;

shen qiao: btw i'm adopting u :(

shiwu: ok thanks new dad ;A;

shen qiao does not respect his scabbard, he throws that shit to the ground without regard

THIS SONG SLAPS!!! i wonder if it's some sort of specific music?? the singer's voice seems different to what i’m used to hearing somehow?? it's BEAUTIFUL tho, i love it 💚💚💚

shen qiao: ok kid watch this and repeat after me *does a whole-ass ROUTINE that most adults couldn't do*

'shang he tong bei???' is that what the blade is called? woe for all??

shen qiao is filled with DETERMINATION!!! good for him!!!

i love this donghua but sometimes the pacing is a bit odd, and it's more noticeable with the bg music shifts lol. i don't mind it tho!!! i'm enjoying myself very much!! :DDD

goin for a lil swim, shen qiao?? 🌊

AWWW SHIWU ASKED IF HE COULD BE LIKE SHEN QIAO ;A; THAT'S FECKING ADORABLE ;A;

OH MY GODDDDD THEY'RE SO CUTE ;A;

shen qiao: u smiled!! it would make ur shifu and chuyi happy to see that :)

OOAOAJDIOSAJ THEY'RE HUGGINGGGGG

HE'S HUGGING THE BABYYYYYYY THEY ARE FRIENDS NOW THEY HUGOMG THEY HUG 💚💚💚💚

aaaaa it's very sweet to see shen qiao acting with such warmth to shiwu ;A; unlike SOME PPL 😒 (glares at young zhou zishu telling babby jiuxiao and chengling not to cry ) shen qiao u will make a very good surrogate dad!! i look forward to u not at all contributing to this child’s trauma thru ur either ur reckless actions or ur choice of husband!!

[Exit, pursued by a bear.]

[thelittleboyfromloveactually]

Two Shorten the Road

Part 2

Joel dawson x reader

Warnings: none I think

Word count: 1951

Promt: you and joel are of to a great start on your journey, that is until your get attacked by one of the mutated monsters

I’ve always hated goodbyes, especially when they might be forever. Joel and I had packed quickly and said our goodbyes.

“So joel, you gotta use your advantages, so like your small and fast, so ya know, don’t fight! Just run, run and hide” Tim told Joel

“Take care of him Y/N”

“Stay alive you two!”

“For real! Do not die!”

I met joel right under the bunker’s exit hatch. He looked at me, fear and excitement in his eyes

“You ready?” He asked as he adjusted his backpack

“As ready as I’ll ever be” I said looking up at the ladder

“You know you don’t have to-“ he stared before i cut him off, what was ur gonna take for him to understand that I was coming and that was that.

“I want to, really, I do” I said smiling at him

“Alright then” he said. He looked up and began climbing up the ladder, I followed after him.

We pushed the hatch open, and Joel helped me out. The sun was hot against my skin. I looked at joel. He was looking is all directions, amazed by the sight of the trees and grass. I smiled at him, remembering how long it had been since he’d been outside. We made eye contact, he took a deap breath. Joel jumped down and I followed.

“Ok so, we need to go west” he said looking at his map

“Right…West” I said looking around, I had no idea which way was west, i normally just followed everyone when i went out hunting.

“This is not….very helpful” he said looking at the map

Joel began walking one way, still looking down at his map. He turned noticing I wasn’t following him. Then he began walking the other way

“We’re gonna die” I said

“Hey just because I’m not entirely sure which way is west does not mean we are screwed” he said defensively

“Actually Kato that’s exactly what it means” I said, grabbing the map from his hands

He looked around, thinking for a second as I studied his map. Suddenly he began walking again, i quickly ran up behind him

“Let’s go this way, ya west is this way” he said, nodding confidently “split the difference, done! First decision made”

And we were off

It’s so weird being outside with Joel. I’m hardly used to being outside in general, and joel. Man I cannot even believe why joel is thinking right now, I mean he hasn’t been outside in 7 years. We have been walking for about one hour. We were walking through what seemed like a deserted neighborhood. There were a lot of cars and busses. Covered in vines, rusting away. Preoccupied with what was around me and not what was below me, I tripped, falling on my face.

“Oh shit! Y/N are you ok?” Joel ran over helping you up

“Yup, ya I’m good” I said dusting myself off. I looked up at joel, his eyes had worry behind them. I smiled telling him I was ok. His hands slowly let go of me. I looked down at what I had tripped over. A hot pink frisbee, how convenient.

“Ya I know, I know, your like an strong bad ass” he said jokingly

You laughed and pushed his arm as you began to start walking again

“Y-ya know I never thanked you and stuff, for ya know? Coming with me, I’m actually really glad you came, I don’t think I could do this without my best friend” he said, looking at his feet

“You don’t need to thank me joel, I don’t think I would have been able to stay one day in that colony without you” I smiled

“Also I really do need to thank you because I’m pretty sure I would have been killed already, to death” he said nodding his head

“Killed to death? Really? Wow sounds gruesome” u said laughing

“Wow” he said and we broke out laughing.

Suddenly a sort of rumbling sound came from somewhere, I couldn’t tell which direction. I looked at joel, panic now rest in his eyes.

“Run and hide” he said repeating what he had been told before leaving the bunker “hide….hide in the house! Y/N this way!” He said running toward the house, i threw my bow over my back, adjusting it and then running after him.

The house was quite, the wood creaked under my feet. I took off my bow and grabbed the arrow. Now I was ready to fight whatever bastard was gonna attack us. The sound got louder causing both me and Joel to run outside through the back door. We stumbled out of the house. I looked over at him and he shrugged. Suddenly another sound came from behind us. Bubbles. Me and Joel slowly turned around to see a little pond that had bubbles emerging on its surface. I grabbed an arrow, threading it through my bow as I began walking toward the pond.

“No Y/N!” joel demanded in a whisper

I stumbled back as a creature emerged, it was huge. I slowly backed away. Shit. I could hear Joel trying to tell me to run. He began counting

“Run on three Y/N! One, two, three!” we both broke off in a run toward the gate. I Pulled back my arrow and prepared to shoot but I was too late. Before I knew it I was being thrown into the fence and then dragged toward the toad-like creature. I grabbed desperately onto a log but it just came along with me.

“JOEL! shit! Help me! Grab my bow!” I yelled trying everything I could to slow this thing down. I could feel it’s tongue in my shoe. Joel was frozen in place. Shit. Then barks, something I hadn't heard for 7 years. A small brown dog came running toward me. It bit and chewed at the creature's yellow tongue. It quickly released me and I staggered up. I ran toward joel.

“Come on! We need to go!” I said , guiding him. I stopped to grab my bow before running out of the gate. The dog was behind us. But so was the Toad. The brown dog ran toward a deserted bus that had been decorated, painted. The doors opened and he ran inside, Joel and I followed.

The bus looked like it had been someone’s home at one point. Many different things hung from the room and pages of magazines and drawings covered the windows. I looked around as Joel caught his breath and calmed himself down. I walked over to a table and sat down, looking at what seemed like craft supplies.

“Nice place” Joel said still out of breath “mine if I sit?” Now this man was talking to a dog, figures. The dog looked up as if to say “yes”. Joel sat on the bed and I moved next to him.

“Are you ok?” He asked sweetly

“Ya, I’m good” I said smiling

Joel nodded, but he didn’t seem convinced. “Are you all alone?” I asked the dog, he was laying on a bed made out of a quilt and a pillow that said “boy” on it. The dog shifted its head away from us in response. I really love dogs, and this was breaking my heart. I sat down next to the animal and began petting it. I could feel Joel’s eyes on me. Eager to break the silence I decided to test my theory for the dog's name.

“Boy” I said and the dog sat up, he was suddenly all ears. “Is that your name? Boy?” I asked, smiling and giving him more pets. Joel smiled.

“Your names boy” joel said “I’m Joel, and that pretty lady is Y/N” he said gesturing to me “she’s my best friend, thank you for saving her” he whispered

I smiled, how could anyone not love this boy? This Aimee chick is quite lucky. I am worried though. What if she moved on? Joel would be broken.

“Nice to meet you” I said kissing the dog on the head

Joel smiled and then continued to look around. His eyes fell on a red dress.

“Is this a dress?” He asked picking it up

“No, it’s a hat” I said sarcastically, Joel looked at me, confused. “I’m kidding” I said and I could see the realization in his eyes. Suddenly Boy moved and grabbed the dress out of Joel’s hands and brought it back to his bed.

“Ok, I won’t touch it again” Joel said, throwing his hand up in defense. I looked carefully at the dog. He looked sad

“Was that your owner’s?” I asked, the dog stayed still. I laid down to get closer to him “it’s ok, you don’t have to talk about it” I looked at Joel and shrugged. Then I realized “wait did you think I was her?” I asked the dog, still he lay avoiding eye contact. I sighed, this poor dog.

“Hey um, I’m gonna lay down too” Joel chimed in “is that o…” he stopped to take off his backpack which seemed to startle the poor thing. “No it’s ok! It’s just my backpack” Joel reassures the dog. He plopped it down on the floor and moved his feet up on the bed. I laid down next to the dog bed, laying my bow and arrows next to me.

“Wait hey” Joel said sitting up a little “you don’t have to nap on the floor” he told me

“It’s fine, I like to be close to Boy” I responded smiling

“Are you sure? I mean I feel like I should really let you sleep on the bed since you almost died and I couldn’t save you” he said sitting up fully

“Joel, it’s fine! I'm serious, and please do not beat yourself up about that. It’s not your fault!” I told him, trying to ease his worry.

He nodded “kkkkkkkkkkk” he said “just take this though” he took off his red jacket and handed it to me

I gave him a look that said “no really I’m fine” then he returned the look with an “I insist” look. I gave in and used the jacket as a blanket. I closed my eyes, almost drifting off to sleep…..but then Joel was up and at em. He put his backpack on and began to walk out of the bus. I scrambled up and followed him. Guess we are leaving…. Boy followed us out and for some reason Joel seemed surprised.

“Oh hey are you coming with us?” Joel asked and Boy ran back inside “ok then” then suddenly Boy was back out with the red dress

“Oh yes of course, Joel,” I looked at Joel. “We cannot forget the dress!” I told him as if it was obvious

“Oh right ya, here Boy let me put it in my backpack” he tried to pull it away from Boy but he wouldn’t drop it

“Hey it’s ok, he’s gonna keep it so safe in the safe pack” I said kneeling down to sooth the dog. He let go and Joel put the red dress in his backpack. I adjusted my bow and we began walking. Me on the right, Joel on the left and Boy in the middle. My weird brain couldn’t help but think about if we could all be a family. If everything was normal. We would get married and adopt Boy. That is if I ever get the courage to tell Joel how I feel and if he feels the same. Welp! Until then I am stuck in my imagination as we venture closer toward our destination.

[insanityconflict]

Ok so no one else will talk about this and ur the only one I've seen that hasn't just paired Hank off with 2b just bc dei n San are already together in their hcs- (I love me some 2bhank don't get me wrong, but I feel like that's wasting so much potential for this characters, ESPECIALLY 2b who I only ever see in content bc it's 2bhank content, and is rarely explored outside of that. And like- they never do Hank learning how to care for others either- dhsjs-) BUT I saw ur 2bford post and Ive been thinking, bc for ur thing to happen dei has to- well- die, and they're comforting eachother because there's literally NO other person that's an option for human comfort, so their kinda pushed into that otherwise they'll spiral, but then I realized that even when the others are alive 2b will kinda instinctively turn to San for comfort anyways, (much like dei does-) Deimos death or no. I find it that dei will want to TRY to comfort 2b, but generally is used to using humor to ease situations, and humor doesn't feel like it'd help the type of person that 2b is, so I feel like sans mom friend personality will spark up him comforting 2b during a night where 2b refuses to sleep or something. (Which this time, UNLIKE dei who I feel like would be the one to go to Sanford first, for like hugs n shit.) I just love ur post bc it opened my eyes to the potential of these characters outside of just throwing two together and not regarding canon, slapping a sugar coating on their trust and personalities that makes em softer. I love LOVE those fics and their great, but there isn't enough where people actually explore the canon personalities, and try to make it work and make sense anyways, even with all the setbacks. Anyways ily have a great day <3

blinks. holy shit. NBMASNGBASG??? THANK YOU?? im glad im able to open up a lot of people's minds to a more canon approach to their relationships. yeah, i love me some 2bhank too, but in all honesty i just dont see it working out at all. sure, there can be attempts, but hank's never going to be the relationship kind of person. at least not long-term. im a person that has the idea of them being together at some point, but splitting up because their differences and own personal problems got in the way of everything. because of this, they're still on edge with each other, and i want to make that apparent.

but i also dont want hank to be a mindless asshole, yknow? he actually goes through serious character development throughout the series, and it shows!! he may start out like a machine built just for murder, but if you look at hank from, say, a project nexus standpoint and then compare it to the time he saves sanford's ass in mc10? he's gone from being able to kill his own teammates to get what he wants to realizing that he's actually formed an attachment, and that having someoen by his side can make things so much easier in the long run. sure, he's still a bastard, but that doesn't mean he refuses to show a softer side to himself.

what i like about madness combat as a whole is that there's so much character in each individual frame alone for us to pick apart and analyze. you can tell that when sanford sees deimos' dead body for the first time that he's actually upset, but he doesn't have the time to grieve or mourn because hey, something is actively trying to kill him too. it makes you think about what would have happened if he DID have that time. or what happens after things slow down, if they ever do.

even with doc's short screen time, you can tell he's a cranky individual. but if you were to look into mpn2's arena mode storyline (yes, im bringing this up because it's actually interesting), he has SO much more personality. he's crazy fucking smart, and he doesn't take any bullshit. hell he runs a bunch of vampires over with a car and brushes it off like it was nothing. he's a badass and no one would be able to tell unless they looked to madcom's other medias, at least until the next episode drops.

my point is that it's worth doing the character studies. yeah, you can craft your own world where things are completely different and everyone's happy with each other, and that's completely fine!! i just like a more realistic approach to canon, and i do my research to make sure i'm getting things right. it's worth it in the long run because i have so much to work with, and a lot of personality i can develop in the characters themselves. it makes for a great story if you know what to do with it.

this was long, sorry, but i enjoy talking about these things. i LOVE seeing other people's headcannons and aus, especially where things get better, but then i look at mine and get so sad because things are just so fucked up there JHBSAMGDABMASDG but hey!! madness in general is fucked up if you know where to look. i'm a kind of person that loves crafting theories so the more deep and disturbing lore really gets the old rusty gears turning ;)

[imaginethathaikyuu]

How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd 

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho 

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw 

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more 

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333

[littlespaceporgs]

The Clone Wars Reacts - Part 1

Or, Leah thinks Yoda is a badass and thirsts and coos over Plo Koon.

Welcome to part 1 of season 1! Ngl I’ve only got 2 episodes for the first one because i didn’t have time to watch a third, so here we go. These are just the thoughts and notes i took as i made my way through the episode, in their absolute rawness, I’ve barely even edited them so enjoy? and before anyone mentions it, yes I could do these on tiktok and you guys could watch me being an idiot, would anyone be interested in that however?

Tags (if anyone else would like to be tagged in this series, let me know!): @acciokenobi​ @roseofalderaan​ @catsnkooks​ @peacelandbread​ @littlevodika​ @icedcoffeeandgays​ @captainrexstan​ @likeshootingstarsinthenightsky​ @mcu-padawan​

Episode 1: Ambush

> Fuck yeeeeeaaahhh this intro is a fucking bop, I forgot how much I like it

> OH WAIT HANG ON YODAS IN THIS EPISODE, like it’s actually Yoda centric???? mad.. i thought it was going to be anakin and ahsoka this ep

> FUCK I KNOW THAT VOICE *enter ventress*             - this woman could step on me and I’d say thank you ✨

> Oh shut tf up Dooku, nobody cares what you have to say

> “Sprung the trap, we have” no shit, is it just Yoda’s trademark to say exactly what’s going on?

> HAHAHAHAHHAAH “ITS MY PROGRAMMING”!!!!!

> I have some questions, who has the creativity to come up with characters and planets that look like this?? Like that’s so cool????

> Huh you actually think you’re gonna catch Yoda???? Interesting thought.

> HAHAHAHAHA SMALL SHRIVELLED GREEN ONE WITH A LIGHTSABER *accurate tho, and I live for Ventress’ sarcasm ngl

> I want to point out the peak humour of one droid saying stop, we’re not gonna fit, followed by a droid attempting to fit                  >> actually scratch that the droids are hilarious in general

> HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH HIS GIGGLE AND THEN DO YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT HE MEANT?!

> why is yoda likeable in this episode??? If you can’t tell already, I don’t like Yoda very much.

> “He IS a little one!”

> alright fine. i admit it, I don’t think I’ve given Yoda enough credit, I didn’t like him much, but 10 minutes episode and I’m lowkey giggling at him.

> Dude Yoda is so cool *(Notes: i have written in a column here: should rename the title of part i to “Yoda is a fucking boss”)

> The force is so cool ngl

> “Trouble? Know nothing of this trouble, I do” hahahahaha hahahahaha

> AW HUNNY NO YOURE NOT EXPENDABLE YOU NEED TO GO WITH THE SHRIVELLED GREEN LITTLE SHIT

> good job Yoda make em feel better for me thank you

> *droid battallion approaches and Yoda just fucking sits there* Have I mentioned that Yoda is literally so cool?

> Bruh I shouldn’t be surprised that the 4 of them destroyed an entire battalion but that was legit AWESOME

> HA HA HA HA AH BITCH YODA GONNA KICK UR ASS

> Eh i don’t think I’ve said this enough, Yoda’s fucking cool.

> PFFFFFFFFFFTTTT fully just stole her lightsabers - imagine how much trouble Yoda would’ve saved himself if he had just kept the bastards instead of letting her take them back

> Alright fine, maybe I will enjoy this season.

 Episode 2: Rising Malevolence 

Notes: I am so sorry in advance, to be honest this entire one is just me either thirsting or cooing over Plo Koon and I can’t help it, and no, I still have not decided dad or daddy (its currently 14(?) hours after I watched the episode and I am still very undecided and I don’t think I’m ever gonna be able to make that choice)

> HEY ITS LITTLE BABEY AHSOKA AND OMG HOLY SHIT HES IN THIS EPISODE????????????????

> Lowkey I dunno if it’s dad or daddy?

> Awwwwwww Lil soka (wait I’m talking about Plo Koon in case you’re confused) (NOTES: uh I know I put it up top but just case you missed it)

> Sorry, did Anakin just say he was gonna ask the council?? The fuck?? 

              >>Be mindful????? Who the fuck is this????

> Ugh it’s palptatunes slimy looking ass

> OBI OBI OBI OBI OBI OBI OBI

> oh shit man that’s bad *if you haven’t clued in I’m going on about the weapon

> AWWWWWW HE WAITS FOR THE CLONES TO GET ON FIRST

> dude what the fuck is going on with his hair??

> Everytime Plo talks my mind goes 🥰 sorry that’s off topic (or is it?)

> At least obi-wan sees sense, Anakin teaching an already reckless Ahsoka was never going to end up with them both being quiet

> AHSOKA! 😠

> Oh wait Wolffe doesn’t have his scar yet????? WAIT DOES THAT MEAN WE SEE HIM GET IT LATER?! Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh-

> HAHAHAHAHA HE ONLY TAKES A BATH ON BREAK

> HMMMMMM AWWWWW I VALUE YOUR LIFE MORE THAN FINDING THAT WEAPON

> There’s more alive, oh good I was afraid that they- aw shit poor Plo he sounds like he feels so guilty

> fucking hell I just wanna give him a hug and kiss his cheek and make it all better (NOTES: see what I mean???? Thirst or fluff?)

> OOP THERE IT IS! I was wondering when the usual Anakin would show up

> “Redeployed himself.... again.” I can feel obi-wans exasperation with this kid man

> Okay so, Anakin is a little shit. So disobey the council but don’t tell them that I’m teaching you that

> Aw no there’s gonna be more clones die??????? Oh no and they have to watch oh no oh no oh no-

> I have questions: How are they screaming? I don’t think that’s how space works??? Ok but I legit don’t know?? Is it even possible to scream in space?? And shouldn’t it have killed them straight away?

> Aaawwwwww Ahsoka my baby (literally anytime this child comes on screen)

> “Anakin where are you” I love obi wan so much hahahahahahahahaha

> WAIT NO PLO AND FEW OF HIS SONS TROOPERS ARE ALIVE DONT LEAVE

> oh good job R2, crisis averted

> Pfffftttt the droid humming is distracting me from the more potential death

> Plo Koon is cooler than Yoda, you cant change my mind so don’t try.

> YEEEEETTTTTT poor sinker yikes I can’t imagine flying through space is fun

> PALPATINE YOU BASTARD HE PROBABLY WANTS MY LOVE DEAD HOW DARE HE

> “Twice the trouble they have become”?????? No shit Yoda. What were you thinking pairing these two disasters up?

> AND THEN HE TRIES TO GET THEM TO ABANDON DAD(DY?)

> R2’s whirring is a vibe tho

> AAAAAAHHHH NOT TO ME PLO MY HEART 🥺🥺

> oh god the animation is terrible (NOTES: I can’t believe it took me that long to make that comment)

> Aw he seems so sad, thank u Ahsoka, she gave him the love and hug he deserves

> Ugh now my internet’s playing up dang it, well this is infuriating, I WANT TO KNOW IF THEY DESTROY THE WEAPON OR NOT?!

> He seems so genuinely scared??????? Plo has me getting major feels

> OH SHIT FUCK THE OTHER DROID SHIT FUCK NO SHIT

> how did everyone hate Ahsoka when this first came out??? I love her so much

> I mean like, I know they’re not gonna die??? But I still feel so anxious omg

> Holy shit the disappointment that rolls off of dooku is kinda hilarious (it took all of me not to start giggling at this)

> “Riiiiiiiiiiiiight the council report”

Alright gonna stop here, because I have class in 20 minutes and there is no way that I am leaving the library if I start watching episode 3 so uh see y’all next time for episodes 3,4,5 and maybe 6??

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #283

“if teardrops could be bottled, there’d be swimming pools filled by models”

How much would you tip a waiter or waitress for good service? I honestly don’t even know the proper etiquette of tipping because I almost never ever have been in a sit-down restaurant where I’ve paid because of the whole “I don’t have an income” thing. If for whatever reason I did, I would have asked the person with me how. I do (maybe…) believe however that there should be a baseline for how much you tip, even if your experience is somewhat unpleasant. You don’t know what that person is going through that day. If it’s just pure awful, then I might not tip at all, but I think I’d honestly feel way too guilty. Who is your favorite character from the television sitcom Friends? I don’t watch it. Whose name might you have tattooed on your body? None. Well, I guess if I had hypothetical kids, I might, especially as a tribute if they died. What is something that you always need to leave plugged in? I always at least have my laptop charger plugged into the wall, but not always into my computer as to not totally kill the battery. I just need it a lot because I’m only always on it. Who might you send a selfie to? I don’t send them to anyone, really, save for specific occasions. I just take selfies once in a blue moon to change my Facebook picture, honestly. I feel weird just sending people pictures of me because I feel like I’m screaming, “HEY LOOK AND COMPLIMENT ME!!!!!!!!!”, so it makes me uncomfortable. I only did semi-recently because my friend did my makeup for a Halloween shoot and for once in my goddamn life I felt really pretty so sent it to Sara. Name an item in or on your bed every night. My phone is on the right upper corner of my bed so I can check it when I wake up; I always wake up throughout the night and wanna know what time it is. Out of your work shift, how much time do you spend doing “actual work”? Well one, define “actual work,” but odds are almost zero because I don’t have shit to do. How long do your New Years resolutions typically last? I don’t make ‘em. Who would you call first after getting engaged to tell them the news? Most likely Mom. What’s the song that reminds you of the person you like?Okay so deadass I listened to NSP’s “Wish You Were Here” cover recently and kinda cried lol. Are you good at holding back your tears? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Have you ever sacrificed something important to you for someone you love? My goddamn sanity. How many jobs do you have? None. Do you have any memories you want to erase? There’s one occasion with Jason I wish I could forget so, so badly. Do you believe in the phrase “If it’s meant to be, it will be”? No. I don’t believe in pre-determined destinies and such, and thus I don’t see anything as “meant” and “not meant” to be. Do you believe in destiny? Wow, good timing lmao. Do you believe that things will get better? I like to think so. Have you ever drunk dialed someone? No. Have you ever worn a tiara? Haha, I think on my 18th birthday maybe, my friend Summer came with us to dinner and brought me a birthday tiara. If someone offered to take you out for your birthday, where would you decide to go? I almost always go to Olive Garden for dinner. But, after trying the Cheesecake Factory for the first time… *eyes emoji* If you plan to have kids, what will you tell them about Santa Clause? I’m not having kids, but hypothetically, I’d let them believe it. It’s so magical as a kid and brings so much excitement. I’d tell them the truth when it feels appropriate, and if I know they’re not the type to go telling other kids for no reason “HEY MY MOM SAID SANTA’S NOT REAL SO UR DUMB.” I’d be damned if they ruined it for other children. If you have ever been employed, have you ever been attracted to your boss? What about a co-worker? Not that I remember. Do [would] you avoid kissing your [possibly hypothetical] significant other when you or they are ill? Look man I made out with my ex while he was recovering from bronchitis before we knew it wasn’t contagious so OOPS yeah because I am 110% the “if you’re sick, I’m sick” dumbass all the while going FULL Mom Mode taking care of the person. What was the last thing you bought, other than food? With my own money, that is a daaaamn good question. I only really use it/am given it for food. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? No. Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? Do you know what that person is doing at this moment? My mom. She’s in the living room watching TV, probably. Think back to the last time you cried, or felt like crying. Who or what helped you to feel better? My mom. Do you own any accessories with your name or initial on them? No, they don’t appeal to me. Is there someone of the opposite sex that knows everything, or almost everything, about you? I would say Jason, but we haven’t seen or spoken to each other for almost four years, and I’m a much different person by now, and I’m sure he is, too. Do you remember the last time you cried because you missed someone? A few weeks back I had a breakdown over Jason again. My PTSD was and still is being pretty rough lately. Are your eyes the same color as your sibling(s)? Just my brother. Anything in your room that you’re hiding from your parents, or someone else? No. What’s your most noticeable flaw? Thinking about it, probably my extreme aversion to conflict. I will BOLT from confrontation. And what’s your best feature? I’m extremely empathetic. Have you ever hallucinated? Yeah; I would see shadows move when I was coming off a certain med. Do you have fangirl-ish tendencies? ………………. Have you ever replied “OK” when someone confessed they liked you? Wow, no. Either admit reciprocated feelings or gently turn them down. The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, or The Beatles? OHHHHHHHH BUDDY. Led Zeppelin, I think… but maybe the Stones. Idk. What would you do for immortality and infinite youth? Nothing. Would you rather have a pool or a hot tub? A pool. Is your handwriting legible? Yes. Well, some people find it slightly difficult because it’s kinda fancy. Have you ever held a baby chick? Yes! Do you think ‘everything bagels’ are disgusting? I’m not a fan. Do you live with anyone that you try to avoid at all costs? No. What did you last get upset about? How incredibly fuckin weak my body is. When is the last time you personally made someone else cry? I don’t know. How many more people do you think you’ll kiss before you die? Hopefully only one. I do NOT want to deal with anymore heartbreak, nor do I want to waste anymore time with someone I’m not going to spend the rest of my life with. Are you more spiritual or religious? Spiritual. Ever been to a rave? Nooooo, most definitely not my scene. Are you afraid to name the person you talk the most shit about? No. Song playing right now? I’m listening to “PRESIDENT X” by 3TEETH rn. Have you ever laughed at someone because they had a funny name? No, that’s incredibly rude. Speaking of names, why do celebrities always call their kids stupid ones? They’re not all “stupid”…? There are some beautiful names I’ve heard. It’s none of my business why others’ children are named what they are. Do you get car sick easily? I don’t. Do you think you’re a good conversationalist? Why is that? NO. I’m just awkward and don’t know what to talk about or what to say back to people a lot. Awhile back though my friend Ian told me I was actually a really nice one and it meant a LOT to me. Hearing someone say that reassured me a little bit. Have you ever been on a float in a parade? What were you doing on it? No. Have you ever been in a helicopter? No. Have you ever had chicken pox? No. Who is your favorite animated character? Oh boy that’s hard man, idk. Maybe Ninetales, at least aesthetically. Idk about as characters themselves. Is it easy to make you gag? Yeah. Who’s your favorite Disney character? Probably Scar. Would you rather have a pet crocodile or a pet octopus? I deadass kinda want a caiman lol. It’s something I doubt I’ll actually do, though. Do you like Ritz crackers? Yeah. Do you have any designer clothing? If so what brand? No. Were you afraid of the dark when you were little? Not very, no. What are your opinions on war in general? It’s fucking awful and could be avoided if people weren’t so goddamn hasty, selfish, and uncompromising, among many other adjectives. Do you like pretzels? Yessss, especially soft ones. Have you ever wanted to be a writer? Yeah, tons of times in my life on-and-off. Did you even vote? This is the very first year I actually did. I felt really bad for not acting, only complaining about my government, and “silence speaks” was heavy on my head. Did some research to educate myself, and I felt amazing afterwards. What is your favorite flavor of gum? Usually watermelon. Are you wearing any bandaids? If so, where and why? No. Do you currently have any bruises on you? No. Do you/did you like or dislike school? I always hated it. Are you currently wearing any lotion? No. Do you ever make recipes found online? What was the last one? I don’t cook, so… but there sure are some that look good. If you smoke weed, what do you usually do after you get high? If you don’t, what would you do if everyone around you were smoking? I never have, so I wouldn’t know. Haha, for the second half, sit there awkwardly… been there once. What’s the last thing you ordered online? The next Wings of Fire book. Starting Sunny’s story now. Tell me about your favorite dress. I had this spring dress in high school that was white with purple skulls on it in a floral design… It was really cute and just has a special memory tied to it. Have you ever slept in a waterbed? If so, what was it like? Yeah, that used to be considered “fun” as a kid. They’re not awful, but not that comfortable either, and if I remember well, it’s easy to get sweaty because of the material. How many floors does your house have? Just one. Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Yes. Do you enjoy sappy love songs? Hell yeah I do. Do you ever buy the same shirt in different colors? Simple tank tops, yeah. Ever made out on a rooftop? Damn dude no I’d be paranoid of falling off lmao. One place you will never eat at? Arby’s. If someone went through your pictures, would they find a "bad" one? Nope.

[groundramon]

Homph I finished tri and I wrote down my thoughts as I was watching because I had too many funny shitposts and nobody to share them with bc charlie hasn’t watched tri yet

PS i wont be reblogging tri spoilers (besides MINOR stuff like, digivolutions of already confirmed digivolution lines or non-spoilery shitposts, but I’ll try to tag shitposts as #tri spoilers anyways [digivolutions specific to tri ill tag as well but not ones that were already basically confirmed]) for a while so ur safe here!  I’m just gonna like everything/most things because then I can rb em to hisyaryumon lmao (also u should check out hisyaryumon....its me n charlie’s digimon blog)

EP 1:

- ok. alright. ok. good. they’re dealing with kari’s emotions now instead of just. nothing.  ok. alright. cool.  Still dont like how obscure/”artsy” they’re being with it, this is digimon not kagerou project, but ok.

- Also. I stand by tk and kari being one of the few good straight ships in digimon.  just saying.

- kari: this is my fault... me: god damn it shut up you little brat also me: god relatable ALSO me: ill take whatever display of emotions i can get

- I love how nobody believes tai is dead like.  They’re upset and worried but they’re also like “nah. he cant be. that fucking asshole just left us in our time of need” (actually only matt is the last one)

- Gabumon i would die for you also im crying and I think that’s the first time tri managed to make me fucking CRY

EP 2:

- I had thoughts but then the 02 kids happened and I entered another plane of reality.  I don’t feel real right now

- the only one I can remember is evil!gennai being a dumbass and being like “SUFFER AND SQUIRM YOU PATHETIC HUMANS AS YOU FIGHT OVER THE LAST SEAT” 1. humans are KNOWN for their ability to care for others you dumb obvious fuck and 2. is. is the entire tube going? because that tube can fit too people if they squish.  This isn’t a joke I’m serious it can.

- oh yeah also when i saw whomstever the fuck his name is (adult guy who i love but fuck names) and he was all bloodied i was like “its a cold day in hell when i see blood in digimon” (I think there was blood in an earlier ep but shh idc)

EP 3:

- didn’t nishijima start off as a fucking life coach to these kids.  What the fuck he was supposed to help them find a career not emotionally scar them by bloodily dying in front of one of them

- im realizing that the reason hackmon was always in his cloak, in the shadows, standing still is that they cannot animate him in any normal position for the life of him.  I drew him with better anatomy when i was 14 and didn’t have a tablet.  No seriously, look:

I didn’t say it wasn’t bad, you guys are just underestimating how bad the anatomy on this poor creature is.  Why cant ppl draw dracomon or hackmon correctly imma cry

- ordinemon has the best reaction faces

the best part about these two screenshots is that they literally cut one to the other, first the first one to the second one and then it cuts back to the first one.  They were really proud of these stupid ass expressions.

- I started overcoming my dissociation shock from the second episode and my hypercritical mind was analyzing the shit out of everything that happened (it is Not happy) but then evil!gennai called kari and evil goddess and idk if he’s exaggerating to make her feel bad or if she’s literally a fucking god of chaos and destruction and either way im like

she did kinda like.  Watch wizardmon die, watch tai die, watch gatomon get absorbed.  The dark ocean is just a metaphor for depression and honestly if 02 wasn’t all over the fucking place I think Kari would’ve had some pretty decent development in it.  Actually you know what, I’m using that as an angle to approach Tri at now, wish me luck bc i might actually give it more leeway now

EP 4:

- I’m not dissociating but I forgot to say anything again and I already forgot what happened

- Cant believe mei is fucking dead

EP 5:

- I like to imagine that Tai got there like a few minutes ago, but he was like “well damn guess yall figured it out without me.  alright ill just. see if I need to do anything” and then meicoomon was Still Bad so he waited for when she struck just to make the most badass entrance possible.  Fucking extra ass bitch

- I forgot to write anything again but uhhh I wasn’t satisfied so anyways lets just get into the Juicy Details

Originally I was actually planning to be kinder to Tri than I expected.  Was very invested during it.  ‘Round the end of the last ep I realized hmmm no this isn’t working out.  Where are the 02 kids.  You should’ve brought them in to save the day.  That would’ve been SO cool and SO fun.  Fucking cowards.

god I’m kinda tired so I’m going to address a couple things I still had problems with, note that this isn’t everything it’s just everything I felt comfortable yelling about without rewatching past eps.  Like I forgot nishijima was all bloodied and presumably died in the last part until they brought it up and I was like “????” ALSO DID THE LADY WHO WAS HIS PARTNER OR W/E KILL HERSELF WITH THE GUN SHE FOUND, I JUST REALIZED LITERALLY AS I WAS TYPING THIS THAT SHE FOUND A GUN AND THEN I THINK IT CUT TO BLACK AND I’M

DID SHE FUCKING KILL HERSELF WHAT THE FUCK

anyways my problems:

1. They did joe. really dirty.  I’ll write a more proper rant on this sometime later (mostly bc charlie is MUCH better at talking about joe than I am) but basically I can tell you that his character development in the movies squandered his OG character development.  He’s basically an entirely different person.  Like Tri joe isn’t bad, besides being largely neglected (yes he has a whole half a movie to himself, no that doesn’t make up for it all), its just...not OG joe.  He’s a fine character just not the same character, and its NOT fine when you put the two together.

2. THEY DID THE 02 KIDS EVEN DIRTIER IM SO BITTER sorry you nostalgia-blind, money-hungry fucks at bandai, but the 02 cast is PART OF THE ADVENTURES UNIVERSE.  The only people who hate 02 are ones who like the characters but hate the mess of the storyline at the end, or are completely irrational and elitist about their love of the digimon series and would greatly re-evaluate their opinions if they watched the original series and 02 back to back.  They couldn’t even show them in some kind of group montage at the end??? Standing in the background when they call Mei???  Why couldn’t they call mei from a home phone also, but that’s a less important problem idc that much.  It was a cute scene besides the lack of 02 characters.  Whatever.  AND THE PROBLEM IS LIKE kari and tk?  This entire time???  Were like “oh they disappeared. oops” instead of being frantically searching for their lost friends???  Like i get tk and kari probably have fucking ptsd and can’t express any emotions because they watched important people die in front of their eyes at an incredibly young age but also 1. they didn’t address the ramifications of ptsd, so fuck that theory/excuse and 2. THAT??? WOULD ONLY MAKE THEM LOOK HARDER??? and put on a brave face as they look, but inside they’re so scared and so worried.  Not just “oh sweet, they were found/saved, theyre in the hospital but that’s fine” like WHAT theyre fucking assholes if that’s what they’d canonically do lmao.  God I am SO bitter over the ENTIRE thing with the 02 kids, it would’ve been BETTER if they were deleted from the fucking canon entirely.  Would I have still been bitter?  Yes.  But at least I wouldn’t be madder at TK and Kari too.

3. I stand 100% by the notion that Digimon is not and will never be cut out to be an adults’ franchise.  It wasn’t designed for adults, and it can’t be skewered towards adults.  These particular characters were designed for kids to relate to and find entertaining.  They do not work when placed into an adult setting.  Like, can you imagine a character like Ed from FMA going to the Digimon world?  I guess in a way that’s just Marcus but like.  Just imagine the FMA cast in Digimon Adventure.  It doesn’t work.  Digimon Tri is basically that except real.  Also Data Squad was darker than Adventure so my joke doesn’t even work.

I guess my primary point is that Tri isn’t mature enough of a setup for an adult audience.  It puts a focus on being “complex” and “philosophical” instead of working within Digimon’s constraints and making something good and adult out of that.  Like!  Digimon is a fucking TOY COMMERCIAL.  Don’t give me messages about the futility of human life.  I want bad puns and emotional characters.  That’s what Digimon has ALWAYS been, and ideally always will be.  Tri could’ve made itself more mature by dealing with the ramifications of the Digital World’s events, how it affected the kids psychologically and dealing with healing old scars.  It would’ve been a more mature take on a story we loved and would use things we loved about the story already - the fact that it took so much time exploring characters’ emotions and was surprisingly mature for the time - to make itself better.  You need to take the aspects that drew adults to the show and amplify them, not just slap on a complex story and unfunny dialogue and be like “oh this is fine, right?”

It’s not that Digimon can’t exist as an adult property, its just that if it repeats what Tri did, it’s got no merit and in my eyes the franchise is dead.  If it survives I guess I’ll be happy that people can still enjoy it but I find it unsustainable and unsatisfying to fans of the older series.  Tri is just a fuckfest of highly specific nostalgia that tries too hard to appeal to old fans without capturing what made the original series so magical, and in part thats because the original series WASN’T FOR ADULTS.  I don’t know about the Digimon Story games, bc they’re T-rated so perhaps they’re a better take on an adult Digimon story than Tri?  But you either need to make your own characters and lore specifically for an adult-oriented Digimon season, or perish.  Also, please make it a series and not a group of movies.  Getting four eps every 6-9 months was hell.

I stand by saying Appmon is a more faithful Digimon season than Tri to Digimon’s original spirit.  I believe it holds more potential for success than Tri and better embodies the spirit of the older Digimon seasons.  It’s dumb, its corny, it has horrible puns, but I LOVE it because it also has a deep dark story and emotional moments.  If you dislike Tri and you agree with things I said that make it unlikeable, I highly recommend giving Appmon a chance - if you watch a few episodes and think “oh yeah, I guess this is decent” you’re going to like it.  It’s everything Digimon has always been and hopefully always will be, just with a different concept.  And hopefully the end of the series doesn’t leave a sour taste in my mouth and I have to redact this statement haha since I’m not done with it yet, but I’ve heard good things about it so I’m hoping not so.

Overall, if you watch Tri, don’t get your hopes up.  It resolves everything okay-ish but it’s a pretty forgettable anime on its own and simply doesn’t work as part of the Digimon franchise.

I am, however, pretty interested in what evil!gennai said at the end about Diaboromon and Daemon.  It raises interesting questions about the timeline too.  We know Daemon is in the dark ocean, so perhaps that’s a hint at a future project?  (They did confirm a future project btw, in conjunction with tri being over)  But what about Diaboromon?  I dont believe that Our War Game (I think thats what its called?) took place after Tri, based on the outfits and ages and stuff, but I also don’t remember the movies that well.  Could Diaboromon still be out there too?  It’s interesting.

However, because of the lackluster performance of Tri, I don’t have my hopes up and I really hope that this “next project” goes in a different direction.  Although I guess if they include the 02 kids, I’ll be somewhat less salty...

Side note, did they ever explain why the gennais went evil?  Like ?  That’s a pretty important thing.  The gennais helped SAVE the human world in 02.  And I get that apparently Tri is ignoring 02′s ending but still.  It’s shitty, because Gennai was still a good guy in the original too (and also they cant just keep is younger look and act like 02 never happened)  MAYBE its something I missed but I dont think so.  God there’s just.  So much wrong with Tri.  I’m very displeased and very bitter and I wanna get back to Appmon asap.

It’s got good moments, its got bad moments, I dont know, I don’t care.  There’s nothing wrong with you if you like it, there’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t, and there’s nothing wrong with you if you flip flop and are split like me.  I just wish Tri fulfilled its potential instead of becoming a boring mess.

[franeridart]

Ahhh if you ever do feel like drawing BakuSero I would just about die because I love that rare pair soooooo much and there is next to nothing for it

Holy shit I thought I was literally shipping that ship by myself, but here you are, amazing !!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway don’t worry I’ll definitely draw something for it sooner or later anon, I love it way too much to never give in haha

Anon said:my day started out terrible but your sero and kaminari saved the day (like most of your drawings do) ty ily

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m super glad to hear that!!!!!!! I hope the rest of your day will be as amazing as it can be, anon!!!

Anon said:A) why isn't it franswers? B) Kaminari has a habit of just watching (unbreakable) things just fall if he fails to catch it or it slips out of his hands. like he doesn’t move to get it, he just watches it fall with a blank face

A) that’s a great question that would deserve an equally great answer which sadly I don’t have??? like, why isn’t it franswers??? it should definitely be franswers t b h - B) yes and also I feel Kaminari a lot. Like, mood and also same. As usual hahaha

Anon said:I have never seen a more pure kamisero than the spiderman kiss. I have fallen into the ship and i cant get up (i dont wanna get up) thank you 💖💖💖

Thank you!!!!! Oh my gods!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so happy I could make you ship it omfg!!!!!! They’re such a cute underrated ship aaahhhhhhhhhhhh tho I feel like it’s getting more popular lately, which is A+++ :D

Anon said:Sero 's hair looks so fluffy in that first panel, you can't un-convince me whoever his boyfriend (s) is (are) wouldn't mindlessly run their fingers through it from time to time.

I love this headcanon???? But also consider, if his boyfriend is Kaminari, Sero’s hair is always super staticky once he’s stopped petting it. Like, his hair just sticks in every direction, it looks super funny. Or, his boyfriend is Bakugou (or his girlfriend is Mina! same scenario plays out) and Sero has to wash his hair after Bakugou/Mina is done because their hands are dangerous and having flammable hair isn’t much fun, Neither is having acid very slowly corroding his scalp Poor boy, three out of four of my fav partners for him are dangerous for his hair haha

Anon said:Spidey Sero is good Sero also I still love your chibi style ^^

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!! Holy smokesss!!!!!!! *O*

Anon said:Right, so first off, I l o v e your art. And I'm kinda mad that only just found out about you? Anyways, I was wondering if I could draw one of your fusions (specifically, the Kacchadeku one)? They're super cool and i really want to draw them myself? I'll give credit you your for making the designs 'n all that. It's been quite a while since you drew it so i was wondering if I could draw 'em. Other than that, keep up the good work!

I would prefer it if you guys could ask me for this kind of stuff off anon, tbh aaahhhhhhhhh but I guess I never said that anywhere so it’s fine this time around - it’s good by me! As long as it links back to me/the original post then it’s okay~

Anon said:holy hell your art is a gift from God,,, i shall ascend to the astral realm after seeing all this,,, i have seen all i need and it was on this one blog,,,

YOU ARE!!!! TOO NICE!!!!!! OH MY GODS!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much ( ;v;)

Anon said:it makes me really happy that you add mina into the bakusquad pics your draw thank you!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well, it’s not like I always draw the whole squad, but when I feel strong enough to then it’d feel wrong not adding her in too! She’s part of it too, after all haha

Anon said:Im so happy your back! And you killed me with that last post. BAKUGO IS SO BEAUTIFUL! And your art is even better than before! Did I mention how beautiful Bakugo is? Love you and wish you full health mode

I’M SO HAPPY YOU LIKED HIM!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:I don't know if I'm the only one but I really love how in bnha they emphasize the fact that the kids are really just kids. Like on multiple occasions All Might and Aizawa remind themselves or others that they really are just 15 y/o kids who are trying their best to become heroes and help others. Compared to e.g. Haikyuu I feel like they don't seem like young teens like bnha characters even tho they're the same age (or even older). Good for Horikoshi to remind the readers every now and then.

You’re not the only one!! That’s one of my favorite things out of bnha and also one of the reasons why I’m such a fan of the adults of the series - not all of them, but most of the guardians have a great grasp on what they should expect out of kids and what they can ask of them and what they should instead keep them away from, which I appreciate a lot. And some of them (Aizawa, Toshinori from some point on, Bakugou’s parents, Fatgum to say some) have a great understanding of the kids they’re responsible for and make decisions based on what’s right while at the same time accomodating the kids’ aspirations and dreams, which is super amazing because it doesn’t negate the fact that even if they’re just kids they’re still people, you know? They talk to them and understand them and act as guardians without clipping their wings, you never see this sort of things in media tbh so I appreciate it a lot

Anon said:ok so I just need to get this off my chest. during the quirk apprehension test when aizawa said whoever came in last would be expelled, I think he would of actually done it. I mean he has done it before. but I think he saw potential in Izuku and that made him change his mind but I believe if it where someone else besides Izuku he would've expelled them. so I just wanna say that it was Izuku himself who made himself not be expelled not because of a bluff. and I love aizawa. the end

Yeah I’m sure that’s how it went! Well, I was about to say that maybe even if Izuku hadn’t been the last one Aizawa would have let the last one stay anyway since 1A is a pretty impressive class, but the 19th place was Mineta that time so honestly who knows. Maybe we were one step away from not having Mineta in the class and Izuku ruined it for us. Who knows. (lol)

Anon said:Ur art is so sweet and wholesome, like. Its legit. A friend of mine was following you since you were posting haikyuu and she started watching bnha when you started, and she got me into it from there by sending me your adorable fanart. "Keep an eye out for these 3!!" Then she sends me a giant stream of your BakuKiriKami art. You're great, it's ur fault that they're my # 1 ship above all. Also - have ya read the kiribaku fanfic 2AM Knows All Secrets? I feel like you'd like that one if ya havent.

Holy heck thank you!!!!!! This is such a nice ask !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m glad I could make both you and your friend watch bnha, and I’m even more happy I could make you ship my ot3!!!! *O* and!!! yeah I’ve read it!!!!!! It’s such a cute fic tbh~ I loved it a lot

Anon said:FRAN THE CATS ARE BACK HOW HYPED ARE YOU!!!

VERY!!!!!! I hope their game is more !!! than the Karasuno one tbh haha

Anon said:hey fran! i love how bakugou and sharkishima using sign language to communicate, and i was wondering if i could use that idea for my own mermaid au

Sure thing, I’m glad you liked the idea enough to want to do that! If you could mention where you got the insp for at the top of the fic when you post it that’d be neat~

Anon said:did you ever watch/read Ao no exorcist? its really good

I used to follow the manga! Like, a real long time ago? I think I got up to when we found out that Yukio’s a demon too and then I sorta... dropped it... cause I just... couldn’t stand Shiemi at all... sorry - my faves used to be Shima and Izumo tho!!! I used to love them so much and I still miss them so much that sometimes I seriously consider picking the manga up again just for them hahaha

[briteboy]

MORE ASKS I’VE BEEN IGNORING!!!!!!!

GET ‘EM WHILE THEY’RE HOT

P.S. ALL OF U WHO SENT ME THE CHAIN THINGY ILYSOMUCH 

Why is her step-douche such a foken piece of shit? omg i hate him

some mysteries are never meant to be explained tbh. why is he so ugly and evil? who wronged him? but also who cares he’s in jail forever now good riddance ugly

I know this is probably really bad, but after I saw the newest molly posts, I thought of that video where the little girl is yelling "MISS KEISHA, MISS KEISHA, oh my fukin gosh she fukin dead"

OMFGFD I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT THAT VIDEO WAS SO I JUST WATCHED IT AND I’M LAUGHIN

i don’t blame u i bet when it happens i’m gonna be like “u know she ded”

(To the previous anon) i agree with you so, so much! In Poland, these dumbass politicians are letting shooting pregnant bisons (?? Im not sure how they're called) become legal. Like BITCH WHAT. Can you imagine??? A fucking pregnant lil' cow getting shot????? I feel Molly's pain on an emotional level rn (sorry if this is too nsfw, just needed to get that outta my system...)

i think this was in response to someone saying that hurting pregnant women is one of the worst crimes but um WTF shooting animals at all makes me itchy but pregnant ones..............nah that’s......nah

it’s ok get it outta ur system i’m here 4 u

the first thing I check in the morning is your account.... you have me whipped! ;|

OMG WHA LMAO REALLY that’s wild. i feel like i’m the only one who looks at my page which is dumb but like idk i still feel like a little kid that no one cares about lmao. but then you guys exist and amaze me with your responsiveness every day and i just ;____________; ily all

hi Sunny. first of all i'm gonna say i love your story and your editing style so much! your blog is goals like literally. i need an advice if you don't mind. you always find such amazing angles for your pictures while mine are so boring. any tips or tricks you can share?

HI thank you so much ;-; sooooo i’ve been thinking about this question the past couple of times i went in game, trying to figure out how to describe how i take pictures. for one thing i live in tab mode lmao. meaning you press the tab button on your keyboard to go into camera mode and get all these sexy angles and super zoom and stufffff. i almost always zoom in super far idk why. so there’s one tip. i honestly just play around with going up and down with the q and e keys (i think?) until i find angles i like. i take a lottttt of pictures with so many different angles just so i have a lot to choose from. basically i try to focus on different things in each picture in order to get a mix of the most diverse and dynamic shots possible. you just need to experiment and get creative. i know that’s the most vague advice ever but really just try a new angle that you’ve never considered before and i bet you’ll get cool results. an interesting setting is also the biggest factor, because certain objects and their placements will give you interesting results. 

i honestly want to print out your reaction pic to that one post and just hang it on my wall, put it in my heart locket necklace, stamp it on people's faces, start an email thread with it. i love it.

an add on to the last ask i sent about your reaction pic. i've been looking at it religiously since it was posted, and i dont regret a minute of it. LMAO I'LL STOP NOW.

SAKJDLJKGKSDAF STOPPPP LMAOOO i looked so ugly but that was my pure unadulterated reaction to that question and i trust you all to not judge my ugliness and instead share this reaction with me. i’m glad u liked it that much, i just printed it out and i’m cutting it into a small heart to put inside ur locket ok

everytime i hear cigarette daydreams by cage the elephant i think of a serious case of the novembers like its so fitting and then i get all emo when i listen to it lmao rip

OMMMMGGGGGGG YESSSSS how have i never made that connection before honestly. cage the elephant is one of my faves and i’ve seen them perform twice actually!! i’m watching the music vid for that song now and even that reminds me of my story ;-; i cry

thank you for sending this, and also i cry @ the fact that you used the actual title *dies* now this song is gonna make me emo til the end of time thx

i might sound like some crazy stalker fan but i just want to say you are so freakin awesome and nice and funny and cute and (i can go on forever) so caring! i love your blog so much and all the hard work and care you put into all your posts and followers. thanks for making my day and making me smile so much. you have no clue how much i look forward to seeing your posts and your hilarious hashtags and answers from asks and AMAZING story posts. im sorry i just wanted to let you know ur awesome ily

OFMG WHAT!!!!!! I AM ONLY AN EEL!!!!!! but no you don’t sound like a crazy stalker, i actually love this, you’re too sweet, thank you ;-; i’m just blushin so much reading this omg. YOU EVEN LIKE MY TAGS WOW that’s true love. ily ;-; <333

how do you get your sims' facial expressions to line up with your scenes? I feel like my sims' faces are never right :(

tbh i just use a lot of the same neutral poses...my go-to’s are @helgatisha‘s poses lol. they’re the easiest to work with when i do just plain talking scenes, and often i tweak my sims’ eyebrows and mouths with the liquify tool if i want them to look a bit more concerned, sad, mad, happy, etc., it works like a charm!! i also tend to play around with angles, you’d be surprised how much a different angle can enhance a scene.

Hey smol bean, I'm sent you an ask and now I feel bad that it probably made you feel anxious because you didn't answer it. It was the one about you not liking my posts, I have anxiety too so I'm sorry If I made you feel sad. I think I'm just looking for validation from people I look upto you get me? Anyway sorry again, don't worry about it! Love you!

hiya bb, i know you saw my answer to your original post (and i’m sorry it got some negative attention, i didn’t mean for that to happen by any means) anyway don’t sweat it, and i really appreciate this follow-up message. you didn’t make me feel sad, i just wanna know what i can do. it’s just a hard question y’know. i understand what you mean, i think everyone wants validation to some degree. tbh you can just come off anon and message me, i promise it’s not as nerve-wracking as it seems! ily

How did you make Santi's tattoos? I want some like that for my Sims but idk how to do it

boop

I HAVE A FEELING THAT MOLLY IS GOING TO DIE DURING THE BIRTH OF THE BEAN OR IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH HER STEPFATHER FINDING OUT ABOUT THE BEAN

WELP U WERE RIGHT ABOUT ONE THING

how did you make your characters page on your blog like that?

uoohhh like what?? i used this theme (monolog) if that’s what you mean aheh. here’s a guide on how to use custom page themes

okay so THIS IS MY THEORY: they might keep the baby and molly might actually carry it to full term, but then the kid dies in childbirth and either molly also dies or maybe kills herself or gets killed later? or maybe she's still alive but just won't speak to santi anymore cause she like can't look him in the eye after all of that or idk?? since ppl were sending theories i wanted to add mine lmao. another possible theory is that the stepdad finds out and kills her but thats TOO DARK omg

TOO DARK U SAY...WELL!!! it’s not AS dark as you guessed but only marginally

If Molly turns out to be alive and raising their kid alone (though from what I'm seeing in response to most questions I think that may not be the route) am I allowed to slap Santi (unless Molly didn't give him the option to help) because raising a child alone is not easy I've watched my mom do it for years.

YEAH i would give you permission to slap him lmao he would be a grade A piece o’ shit if that were the case. i would never ever write that tho because santi does own up to his actions if they’re that detrimental. his altruistic nature, no matter how backwards, would never allow him to do that.

There will be complication with the abortion so she will not be able to carry a baby anymore and she's going to kill herself OR her step dad is going to find out and he'll beat her to death. And in both situation Santi his blaming himself because he wasn't there at the right time... Okay I really really hope I'm wrong now !

I don't even follow your story very closely but every time I see your posts my heart hurts.

OMFG...that’s how u know the pain is real

but like wow my stuff is really so visceral that even my apathetic followers can feel the hurt...that’s real...that’s real my guy

omg!! you should 100% play or at least watch a playthrough of life is strange! legit the best game ever made, its so beautiful. the storyline kills you a thousand times over (much like your beautiful story) <3333

yaaaa i’ve heard lots of good things about it!! my bf played it actually, maybe he’ll revisit it again someday and i’ll watch him do it (i’m only a fan of video games if i can watch them like a movie lmao) thank you btw <3

I am shook and I worship you and your story and you are amazing WOW BYE

WORSHIP LMAO WHAT!!! PLS I AM UNDESERVING...ily tho don’t worship false gods

Do you let Molly and the younger versions of your characters frolic around your main save or do they have a separate one?

UM YES LMAO because i didn’t even know you could have separate saves until after i started the flashbacks lmao i’m...a noob. i don’t want separate saves anyway because 1) it’s too much of a hassle switching back and forth and 2) it gets too confusing for me and i’d be afraid of overwriting one save with another and NOPE too much anxiety for that soooo yeah there’s three santis in my game: child, teen and adult lmfao (fun fact: teen santi’s name is literally just Lil Santi)

I made it to my senior year with 6 A's and 1 B ... Be proud of me too? 😂 Lmao I told this to people and some of them were just like .. okay cool?! LMAO it's so funny but also kinda sad

I AM PROUD OF YOU TOO!!!!!!!!! my smart childrens

“okay cool” UM PLEASE that’s a feat...at my school if you got an A in a class in senior year you were allowed to be exempt from the final. so yeah that rules. ily

[mishaxdleggfn96insurance-blog]

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life insurance medical exam

[babygirlblogging-lise-blog]

My First

I failed my driving test. 

That was in the fall of 2017, I was a senior in high school. All of my friends were getting their licenses and cars while I was stuck being a passenger. The woman who failed me thought I wasn’t confident enough. Like damn, can’t even be nervous without being penalized these days huh? She failed me for the most ridiculous shit. But that has nothing to do with the story I plan on telling. 

A few weeks before my eighteenth birthday I tried again. This was something I needed to do before I turned 18. Giving up wasn’t an option. There was no way I wanted to retake my written if I didn’t pass before I was considered a legal adult. The guy who tested me this time? He was fine as hell and now that I think about it, I was supposed to text him when I turned eighteen. I lost his number, sadly. But that also has nothing to do with the story. I want to tell you the story about the first guy I-

-’ve always been cheap. I was ten when my aunt was going to get a new car. I convinced her to save her old car for me so that when I started driving I wouldn’t have to buy a car. By the end of the summer of 2017, my grandpa fixed up the old car and I was all good to go. Free to go wherever I wanted. I no longer had to wait around for people, waste money on lyfts or walk. So naturally, I took myself on adventures. 

One night, against my better judgement. I lied to my mom and said I was going to hang out with my friends. If I would have told her what I was really going to do, she would’ve gone into over protective mode and I didn’t want that. I just wanted some time to myself. I drove over the bridge and into Philly. Not for a concert or any other event. I just wanted some me time. I parked my car. Got oreo ice cream and sugar cookies from Insomnia Cookies and walked around the city. 

Not going to lie and say I knew exactly where I was at all times. I wasn’t even guaranteed that I was safe, I wasn’t focused on my surroundings. All I know is I was somewhere around Broad Street, because that’s where Insomnia Cookies was located. I came across this huge, gorgeous building, I’m not very good at names. Everything was lit up and there was art on the sides of some of the buildings surrounding it. There was even a fountain in front of it all. The scene just looked so beautiful. I walked across the street, hopped up on a ledge and just took it all in. It felt serene, even with so many people flooding the sidewalks. I sat and continued eating my snacks, I was enjoying clearing my head. Until someone interrupted me that is… 

“Hey.” I looked up to see a cute guy. There were a few girls not too far from me talking. It was the beginning of August, late at night but still pushing eighty degrees. Of course they were clad in clothes that left nothing to the imagination. I figured he was talking to them. Guys like the ones who look easy. He couldn’t have been talking to me. So I went back to dipping my cookie into my ice cream and admiring the scenery. I didn’t really acknowledge the fact that he moved a little closer to me. He said hey again and I finally looked up at him directly, before looking around. He laughed a little. “I don’t blame you for being that into ya snacks. I love their shit. But I’ve been trying to get your attention for a minute.” Yep, he’s definitely talking to me. I was confused as to why though. I get hit on by guys pretty often, I know I’m not ugly but with him talking to me, I felt extremely insecure. Suddenly I wished that I had dressed a little better. I looked like a child for fucks sakes. I was wearing a gold fish shirt, black tights, a hat that said “Hoodrats” and Chucks. I was even swinging my legs off the ledge, eating ice cream! 

He introduced himself as Dey. I wanted to know the name his mom gave him so I asked him for his full name. Ayinde. Pronounced Uh-zhen-day. Unique. It has African origins. He told me that my name was almost as pretty as I was. If I were white, I definitely would have blushed. I didn’t understand why he made me feel so shy. 

 I learned that he was mixed with Irish, Haitian and Cuban. Interesting mix, I know. Despite his slight baby face, he turned out to be 20. He was tall, about 6’1. He had taken his hat off to redo his ponytail, he tied his curly, brown hair back into a man bun. He was light skinned with a slight tan. Doe brown eyes paired with the cutest smile. He was dressed in all black, I would’ve been a little concerned if it weren’t for the logo on his hat. I could see a tattoo peeking out from under his short sleeved shirt. Just my type. 

I was tired of the small talk and beating around the bush. “Why’d you come over here to talk to me?” Instead of replying, the douche just smiled and then hopped up on the ledge next to me. It was weird. I was supposed to be having me time, if any other guy did this I would’ve been rude. I wouldn’t have given them the time of day. I wasn’t even afraid, Ayinde strangely made me feel safe. Something was telling me to give him a chance, instead of shutting him down. 

“Well, I was on break, I work across the street.” He points to a small cafe. “I saw you walk by and… I don’t know I thought you were beautiful. Now that I’ve gotten closer, it seems so effortless. No make up and you’re not even dressed up.”

Shit, I have no clue what to say to this. He’s been nice and respectful. “Thank you.” Well, that was lame but it was safe. We talked more before he had to go back to work. He was funny as hell, we both had the same rude, dark, sarcastic humor. He complimented me pretty often and he seemed kind of bummed that he had to leave once his break was over. 

“Why don’t you grow some balls and just ask me what you wanna ask me.” I thought to myself, I should be a fucking actress. I’m great at faking confidence. 

He laughed and just smiled at me for a second. “Well, I would like to get to know you more. Can I get your number?” 

You know when you give someone your number, you almost expect them to wait days or weeks to text you. Surprisingly, Ayinde texted me that night. 

AYINDE: hey beautiful, u get home safely?

ME: Oh shit, I see u found ur balls! 

AYINDE: lol yea yea yea. I know I was acting like a pussy earlier but that’s not how I usually am

***

AYINDE: FT me? I haven’t seen u since we met punk

ME: No I look crazy rn 

AYINDE: Is tht even possible? I think you’re cute af

ME: aww thanks but everyone’s entitled to their own insecurities

AYINDE: Ig but that’s y u need me 

ME: wym?

AYINDE: to take away your insecurities

ME: Doubt that’s possible 

AYINDE: try me

***

ME: entertain meee! I’m bored, stuck at my great grandma’s house :(

AYINDE: I literally just woke up, still in bed

ME: Luckyyy, my head’s fucking killing me

AYINDE: wish I could help

ME: me too lol do u have superpowers? 

AYINDE: no, do u?

ME: Nah I’m not tht awesome 

AYINDE: I think ur pretty awesome

Ayinde and I got closer over the next month. We hadn’t actually seen each other after the first time we met. He worked crazy hours and still had school. I worked everyday and had school as well. Plus, I wasn’t completely comfortable meeting up with a guy I didn’t really know. He understood that. He always made sure I was comfortable before we did anything. He eventually convinced me to facetime him… a lot... and when we didn’t he acted like a big baby.

ME: u happy now?

AYINDE: lol no

ME: y not -_-

AYINDE: I got nothing pretty to look at now

ME: whose fault it tht?

AYINDE: idk. Do u kno?

ME: Lol yea ik

AYINDE: tell me 

ME: yours :P

AYINDE: well if u came over we wouldn’t have this problem

I was a very late bloomer. I knew freshmen girls who got pregnant, meanwhile I hadn’t had my first kiss until I was 16. I didn’t start dating until 17. I was a fresh 18 and I was still a virgin. I waited a while to tell him because I liked him and didn’t want to scare him off. But he surprised me, I learned that he wasn’t like other guys. Most guys only want you for one thing. And that’s to get them off. Not all are gonna be lovey dovey when you’re not putting out. 

ME: I hate being a girl. I think my uterus just exlpoded. Im dying

AYINDE: Aww u can’t die yet, I havent taken u out yet

ME: wut do u want from meee

AYINDE: I told u what I want 

ME: hmmmm

AYINDE: i didnt? 

ME: u could have an ulterior motive

AYINDE: lol what? Ayo y cant I just think ur gorgeous and want to get to kno u, find out who u r

***

He was very protective of me. Anytime I even looked a tiny bit sad or sounded off, he was ready to beat someone up for me. 

AYINDE: ur awake? 

ME: Yea just woke up on some bs 

AYINDE: u good?

ME: yea im ok lol

AYINDE: u sure? I’ll fuck someone up

ME: lol yea im good now

And as the oldest, always looking out for my little brothers and my friends. It felt good to have someone looking out for me for a change. 

***

ME: I move into college tmw nd I aint pack shit yet

AYINDE: ur bugging

ME: Pack 4 me?

AYINDE: lol ill pass

ME: my back hurts like all hell, some of this shit is heavy

AYINDE: what u carrying…?

ME: 4 one, I hav a lot of clothes, they add up nd I had to take em downstairs

AYINDE: lol whoakay wittle wone

ME: fuck u, this shit weighs more than me! I almost fell down the stairs!

AYINDE: thts cuz ur like 87 lbs

ME: Aye! Give me my props, im like 120

AYINDE: lol i see u killa

I fucking loved when he called me that, made me feel invincible. 

Despite how it seems this isn’t a love story. This isn’t a memoir about me finding my first love. Bleh. That’s so sappy. I want to tell you about the first time I stepped out of my comfort zone. You’ve experienced a snippet of our relationship. Ayinde and I were never together. We were just people who met at the wrong time. Had too much going on in our separate lives to focus on developing a relationship. But it didn’t stop us from pursuing the unique friendship we had. For years we maintained contact, I’d visit him pretty often but we always kept our distance when it came to personal things. We used each other as escapes from our realities. We were each other’s vacation after a long week. 

One night we were hanging out and things got more heated than they usually did. I wasn’t prepared to take the next step with anyone. No worries, I’m not about to make you uncomfortable and talk about how I lost my virginity because that isn’t the point. Before I say anything, I did have a great childhood. But some things did leave me scarred, I struggled with intimacy as a result. To make a long story short, it makes me self conscious, not something I’ll flaunt for the whole world to see. 

I’m the type of girl who will wait until the bathroom is empty to change my pad or start going to the bathroom. If it’s too busy, I’ll wait all day until I go home. In the locker room, I’d find the farthest corner or wait until all the girls leave to change my clothes. I’m not comfortable being alone around men. I used to clench my pocket knife in my hand when I walked home alone at night. The list goes on. 

The point of this memoir is to tell about the first time I felt completely comfortable in my own skin. Let alone, around a guy. 

They were everywhere. Trailing from my neck and back up against mine. His lips were distracting. I could barely focus. Let alone notice that the both of us were wearing less and less clothing by the minute. I stopped. 

I wouldn’t be able to handle him not liking what he saw. What if I did a bad job? What if he stopped talking to me?

“Do you want me to stop?” Ayinde pulled back from me looking concerned. He looks so cute right now. I kind of wanted to pick up where we left off. 

“Ye-No. It’s just, can you turn the lights completely down?” He liked his room dim, not too bright or dark. It was normally perfect but at that moment, they were making this situation turn into a nightmare.

“Um, why? What’s wrong?” He’s still hovering above me. I didn’t really want him to move. I bit my lip, contemplating. 

“Just don’t look at me any differently. Okay?” I pulled him down by the back of his neck and kissed him hard. Hoping that my issues with myself wouldn’t be a big deal, I’ve never gone this far with anyone. 

When the time came. I held my breath. Okay, I see my pants on the floor near the dresser. My shirt is near the door. I was locating my clothing so that I’d be able to leave quicker. I’m not really one to feel embarrassed but this was going to be borderline humiliating if I wasn’t enough for him. This reminded me of how I felt when I failed my driving test, but I wanted to do this with Ayinde. I didn’t want to quit just because I hadn’t grown the balls to show anyone else. I didn’t want to miss out because I was nervous as to what he might think. I had to at least give him a chance. 

What Ayinde did shocked me. Instead of being grossed out or losing his hard on. He didn’t ask any questions, he didn’t say anything. He kissed every part of my body and when he was done he leaned down to kiss my lips. I was worried, about him seeing all of me, for no reason. He wound up giving me the confidence I needed to be comfortable in my own skin. He told me what I needed to hear from a guy that I was into, not my parents: 

“You’re beautiful.”

And just like that... I didn’t have anymore insecurities.