#and here it happens that the context is negative

[alatismeni-theitsa]

cursed cursed cursed international women's day when I saw some xenoi holding up fucking Medea as an icon for that day............

I don't know the "yaaass queen slaay" mottos of your chronically online "female rage" feel-good chat group but if you need to be explicitly reminded that the character who murdered her own children is not a paradigm, maybe reevaluate your touch with reality + Greek culture

and yeah I know it's a "we are just posting art and having fun" situation but since all that is public I can see it, I am left wondering... you have no filter at all? No common sense?

[shimmerluna]

WAIT Elle has box braids in s3??? I could cry

I don't think she had bad hair in s1 or s2, but I'm excited that they're actually giving the Black girls Black hairstyles instead of having them wear it out.

Before, it felt like the (all-white, for context) hair department was just ignorant about Black hair, so they put wigs on the Black actresses and only did styles that also work on nonblack hair for their own sake/convenience. This theory was especially supported by the fact that Tara, whose 4c hair couldn't really be styled the same as nonblack hair, wore a twistout that would take literal hours to do every day, but she had box braids in s2! and Elle has box braids now!! I'm so excited!!!

I also feel like this fits her bold, fashion-loving personality so much better than leaving her hair out. Our hair is basically its own accessory, and the long box braids are very feminine. Again, I'm not saying not having a protective style isn't feminine or fashionable (I myself am a fashion girlie with an Afro), but having one is another outlet for her creativity, and I'm glad they're recognizing that now.

[blu-engineer]

weird trains of thought at 5/6 am

[abyssalpriest]

I think whatever I end up doing the lesson is at its core "you need to stop seeing all attempts at saying you experience something as you taking up too much space and being dangerous, and you also need to understand everyone always makes mistakes sometimes (nothing anyone thinks is fully right) and you're not lesser and amateur at channelling because you aren't fully right, and also some third thing he says there is but idk what it is"

[girlyliondragon]

This past week or so have proven to me that I have really weird tastes in villains that I want to fuck. o.0'

[aromanticannibal]

i think when my mom gets home I'll be at the point where i see dragons in my peripheral vision

[angeltism]

ughhhhfhfhdjsjsjs uu ever just feel love so much it hurts ?? I can't even express or describe it and that's part of what makes it ache.

the throbbing of my chest, the words I want to spit out, the way they catch in my throat and make my hands freeze up before I can utter or type them, the burn of being so devoted and passionate,,

this isn't sx (why would I post that. ew. seriously, ick.) or a vent. jic anybun doesn't read the tags on this. sobs.

[the-poppy-outie-effect]

I love being able to dislike creators purely because I don't vibe with them. Like not because they suck as people, just because I don't like their whole deal. Decent human beings exist, and sometimes I am put off by them because of one thing or the other, and that's okay. They're still decent people. I'm glad they exist. Not all people are shit, some are just mildly annoying, and that's fantastic because they keep being wonderful whether I like their vibes or not. Not everyone has a scandal. Not everyone is irredeemable. The world has beauty in it. Hope is still alive. Peace and love.

[fozmeadows]

tools not rules: the importance of critical thinking

More than once, I’ve talked about the negative implications of Evangelical/purity culture logic being uncritically replicated in fandom spaces and left-wing discourse, and have also referenced specific examples of logical overlap this produces re, in particular, the policing of sexuality. What I don’t think I’ve done before is explain how this happens: how even a well-intentioned person who’s trying to unlearn the toxic systems they grew up with can end up replicating those systems. Even if you didn’t grow up specifically in an Evangelical/purity context, if your home, school, work and/or other social environments have never encouraged or taught you to think critically, then it’s easy to fall into similar traps - so here, hopefully, is a quick explainer on how that works, and (hopefully) how to avoid it in the future.

Put simply: within Evangelism, purity culture and other strict, hierarchical social contexts, an enormous value is placed on rules, and specifically hard rules. There might be a little wiggle-room in some instances, but overwhelmingly, the rules are fixed: once you get taught that something is bad, you’re expected never to question it. Understanding the rules is secondary to obeying them, and oftentimes, asking for a more thorough explanation - no matter how innocently, even if all you’re trying to do is learn - is framed as challenging those rules, and therefore cast as disobedience. And where obedience is a virtue, disobedience is a sin. If someone breaks the rules, it doesn’t matter why they did it, only that they did. Their explanations or justifications don’t matter, and nor does the context: a rule is a rule, and rulebreakers are Bad.

In this kind of environment, therefore, you absorb three main lessons: one, to obey a rule from the moment you learn it; two, that it’s more important to follow the rules than to understand them; and three, that enforcing the rules means castigating anyone who breaks them. And these lessons go deep: they’re hard to unlearn, especially when you grow up with them through your formative years, because the consequences of breaking them - or even being seen to break them - can be socially catastrophic.

But outside these sorts of strict environments - and, honestly, even within them - that much rigidity isn’t healthy. Life is frequently far more complex and nuanced than hard rules really allow for, particularly when it comes to human psychology and behaviour - and this is where critical thinking comes in. Critical thinking allows us to evaluate the world around us on an ongoing basis: to weigh the merits of different positions; to challenge established rules if we feel they no longer serve us; to decide which new ones to institute in their place; to acknowledge that sometimes, there are no easy answers; to show the working behind our positions, and to assess the logic with which other arguments are presented to us. Critical thinking is how we graduate from a simplistic, black-and-white view of morality to a more nuanced perception of the world - but this is a very hard lesson to learn if, instead of critical thinking, we’re taught instead to put our faith in rules alone.

So: what does it actually look like, when rule-based logic is applied in left-wing spaces? I’ll give you an example: 

Sally is new to both social justice and fandom. She grew up in a household that punished her for asking questions, and where she was expected to unquestioningly follow specific hard rules. Now, though, Sally has started to learn a bit more about the world outside her immediate bubble, and is realising not only that the rules she grew up with were toxic, but that she’s absorbed a lot of biases she doesn’t want to have. Sally is keen to improve herself. She wants to be a good person! So Sally joins some internet communities and starts to read up on things. Sally is well-intentioned, but she’s also never learned how to evaluate information before, and she’s certainly never had to consider that two contrasting opinions could be equally valid - how could she have, when she wasn’t allowed to ask questions, and when she was always told there was a singular Right Answer to everything? Her whole framework for learning is to Look For The Rules And Follow Them, and now that she’s learned the old rules were Bad, that means she has to figure out what the Good Rules are. 

Sally isn’t aware she’s thinking of it in these terms, but subconsciously, this is how she’s learned to think. So when Sally reads a post explaining how sex work and pornography are inherently misogynistic and demeaning to women, Sally doesn’t consider this as one side of an ongoing argument, but uncritically absorbs this information as a new Rule. She reads about how it’s always bad and appropriative for someone from one culture to wear clothes from another culture, and even though she’s not quite sure of all the ways in which it applies, this becomes a Rule, too. Whatever argument she encounters first that seems reasonable becomes a Rule, and once she has the Rules, there’s no need to challenge them or research them or flesh out her understanding, because that’s never been how Rules work - and because she’s grown up in a context where the foremost way to show that you’re aware of and obeying the Rules is to shame people for breaking them, even though she’s not well-versed in these subjects, Sally begins to weigh in on debates by harshly disagreeing with anyone who offers up counter-opinions. Sometimes her disagreements are couched in borrowed terms, parroting back the logic of the Rules she’s learned, but other times, they’re simply ad hominem attacks, because at home, breaking a Rule makes you a bad person, and as such, Sally has never learned to differentiate between attacking the idea and attacking the person. 

And of course, because Sally doesn’t understand the Rules in-depth, it’s harder to explain them to or debate with rulebreakers who’ve come armed with arguments she hasn’t heard before, which makes it easier and less frustrating to just insult them and point out that they ARE rulebreakers - especially if she doesn’t want to admit her confusion or the limitations of her knowledge. Most crucially of all, Sally doesn’t have a viable framework for admitting to fault or ignorance beyond a total groveling apology that doubles as a concession to having been Morally Bad, because that’s what it’s always meant to her to admit you broke a Rule. She has no template for saying, “huh, I hadn’t considered that,” or “I don’t know enough to contribute here,” or even “I was wrong; thanks for explaining!” 

So instead, when challenged, Sally remains defensive: she feels guilty about the prospect of being Bad, because she absolutely doesn’t want to be a Bad Person, but she also doesn’t know how to conceptualise goodness outside of obedience. It makes her nervous and unsettled to think that strangers could think of her as a Bad Person when she’s following the Rules, and so she becomes even more aggressive when challenged to compensate, clinging all the more tightly to anyone who agrees with her, yet inevitably ending up hurt when it turns out this person or that who she thought agreed on What The Rules Were suddenly develops a different opinion, or asks a question, or does something else unsettling. 

Pushed to this sort of breaking point, some people in Sally’s position go back to the fundamentalism they were raised with, not because they still agree with it, but because the lack of uniform agreement about What The Rules Are makes them feel constantly anxious and attacked, and at least before, they knew how to behave to ensure that everyone around them knew they were Good. Others turn to increasingly niche communities and social groups, constantly on paranoid alert for Deviance From The Rules. But other people eventually have the freeing realisation that the fixation on Rules and Goodness is what’s hurting them, not strangers with different opinions, and they steadily start to do what they wanted to do all along: become happier, kinder and better-informed people who can admit to human failings - including their own - without melting down about it.   

THIS is what we mean when we talk about puritan logic being present in fandom and left-wing spaces: the refusal to engage with critical thinking while sticking doggedly to a single, fixed interpretation of How To Be Good. It’s not always about sexuality; it’s just that sexuality, and especially queerness, are topics we’re used to seeing conservatives talk about a certain way, and when those same rhetorical tricks show up in our fandom spaces, we know why they look familiar. 

So: how do you break out of rule-based thinking? By being aware of it as a behavioural pattern. By making a conscious effort to accept that differing perspectives can sometimes have equal value, or that, even if a given argument isn’t completely sound, it might still contain a nugget of truth. By trying to be less reactive and more reflective when encountering positions different to your own. By accepting that not every argument is automatically tied to or indicative of a higher moral position: sometimes, we’re just talking about stuff! By remembering that you’re allowed to change your position, or challenge someone else’s, or ask for clarification. By understanding that having a moral code and personal principles isn’t at odds with asking questions, and that it’s possible - even desirable - to update your beliefs when you come to learn more than you did before. 

This can be a scary and disquieting process to engage in, and it’s important to be aware of that, because one of the main appeals of rule-based thinking - if not the key appeal - is the comfort of moral certainty it engenders. If the rules are simple and clear, and following them is what makes you a good person, then it’s easy to know if you’re doing the right thing according to that system. It’s much, much harder and frequently more uncomfortable to be uncertain about things: to doubt, not only yourself, but the way you’ve been taught to think. And especially online, where we encounter so many more opinions and people than we might elsewhere, and where we can get dogpiled on by strangers or go viral without meaning to despite our best intentions? The prospect of being deemed Bad is genuinely terrifying. Of course we want to follow the Rules. But that’s the point of critical thinking: to try and understand that rules exist in the first place, not to be immutable and unchanging, but as tools to help us be better - and if a tool becomes defunct or broken, it only makes sense to repair it. 

Rigid thinking teaches us to view the world through the lens of rules: to obey first and understand later. Critical thinking teaches us to use ideas, questions, contexts and other bits of information as analytic tools: to put understanding ahead of obedience. So if you want to break out of puritan thinking, whenever you encounter a new piece of information, ask yourself: are you absorbing it as a rule, or as a tool? 

[usereddie]

hi so I just looked up what proship means. and I just wanted to ask if you like/support incest or pedophilia ships?

i support uncensored media. does that mean i like all of it? no. do i believe it’s important it exists and continues to exist? yes.

you don't have to like/support "problematic" content to believe it shouldn't be censored. censorship affects all of us, but especially lgbt and poc creatives. it starts with the things that everyone agrees is bad — no one, not even the people who read underage, thinks harming kids is okay in any capacity.

but it never stops there. it doesn't stop at underage or incest or rape. once a corporation realizes it has your stamp of approval to censor shit, they'll keep going until it's a white cishet conservative's dream. nothing queer, nothing where poc struggles are a focal point and it's talking negatively about white people and white supremacy. no sex. no sex no matter how vanilla. that's a problem. everyone, especially people who fall into marginalized identities, should be really, really against that.

this purity culture that's started to run rampant in fandom, this need to sanitize everything, to make sure everything exists very neatly within the box of Morally Right is harmful. fiction is not inherently good or bad because it's not real.

reading about siblings having sex doesn't actually hurt anyone, neither does writing it.

this shame surrounding taboo sexual topics, though?

that hurts people. that hurts kids. purity culture is spreading in fandom but it didn't start here. people are so worried about being "morally good" about media that has no moral responsibility in the first place that they completely ignore the real life repercussions of telling children that talking about sex is wrong, that if you've ever had thoughts that don't align with the purity mindset that you're gross, that if something ever happens to you you shouldn't talk about it, that if something happens to you and, in your trauma, it becomes something you're into in a consensual, pro-kink context that you're dirty.

the vast majority of people i know and have seen both online and in person with rape or ageplay kinks are victims of sexual abuse.

fiction is a comfort and it's allowed to be no matter how weird someone else thinks it is.

no one's telling you you need to go on ao3 dot com right now and filter everything with "underage". no one's telling you to make nsfw fanart of siblings if you don't want to. the point of being pro-ship is that you're in favor of people doing what they want with fiction. i know it's got "pro" in the name, but the point of being pro-ship is to be anti censorship.

(and, yeah, i ship the brothers from supernatural.)

[myerssimp21]

Batcave Meeting (YAN!Pt.3)

Romantic!Yandere!Batfam Part 3. Part 1, Part 2 here (context: Tim Drake purposefully got aphrodisiac'd when fighting Ivy and then went over to Darling's apartment to smash. This is a batfamily meeting about that and how to move forward.).

As you obliviously drifted to sleep, the live feed of you doing so was being projected onto a big screen in the BatCave while members joined together at a table, casually watching you as you yawned and readjusted against your pillow. The imposing man situated at the end of the table clasped his hands together, regarding the young men in front of him. Once everyone was seated, the imposing man began speaking to them, noticing how many of them had their eyes glued to the screen.

"We're going to discuss what happened the other day and plan for next week," he announced, and the pouty brunette who had had a frown on his face now crossed his arms.

"Allow me to explain it from my perspective first, Father," he said, sporting a moody expression, "You and Drake were unexpectedly out of commission during your patrol, which, while not typical, is understandable given our line of work."

His eyes flicker over to Tim and Jason, narrowing in contempt and disgust.

"Todd and Drake both know how important our duty to Gotham is," Damian continued while making eye contact with Jason, "But instead of prioritizing that, they let their impulses get the better of them. Drake especially for instigating the situation. Using Ivy's aphrodisiac to... indulge with our darling? It's selfish, reckless, and disrespectful."

"Damian, hold on a second," Jason interjected, "I had no idea about the aphrodisiac. It was my night off so I was sleeping in and missed Bruce's calls when he and Tim got doused in it. I only woke up because the audio feed from her apartment was turned up and I heard them together. I blew up Tim's phone and went over when he left because I was pissed, and I didn't realize that was why she couldn't get enough. I feel really bad about it now that I know."

Damian's expression softened subtly as he absorbed Jason's explanation. Despite his composed demeanor, the tension still lingered in his features.

"I appreciate your honesty, Todd," Damian conceded, his tone slightly softer, "It's still not acceptable that she was acting strangely and this was not analyzed, but I understand that the situation was...unconventional."

As Jason and Damian had a moment of newfound comradery, Tim finally spoke up, "I understand your frustrations, but you need to know that I researched Ivy's aphrodisiac extensively before I ever considered using it. I made sure it wouldn't have any adverse health effects on anybody and appropriately calculated the risks."

Damian's expression darkened further, his negative feelings towards Drake beginning to truly show. "This isn't just about general safety or the safety of some substance!" he exclaimed, "It's about respect and her consent. You had no right to manipulate her like that, whether or not it posed a physical risk."

"Come on, Damian," Tim retorted, a hint of defensiveness creeping into his voice. "She didn't find out about the aphrodisiac, did she? So what's the big deal? It's not like we hurt her or anything. She's fine, and she doesn't even know what happened. In fact, she likes us even more because I made a move for us. Why are you making a big deal out of nothing?"

Jason scoffed, his distaste in Tim at this point evident. "Seriously, Tim? You're gonna act like a douchebag just because she didn't find out? That's messed up, even for you."

"It's not just about the immediate consequences," Damian shot back, his voice angrier. "It's about the long-term impact on her. I bet you didn't even stop to consider how your actions could affect her, or how they could undermine the trust she has in us. And what about the ripple effect it could have on her relationships with all of us? He's playing with fire, Father, and he needs to be held accountable."

"Let's not overlook the bigger issue here," Tim said, his voice defensive, "What I did was perverted, I admit that. But let's not pretend that bugging and wiring her apartment is any less invasive. That's hardly consensual either."

"Don't you dare deflect the issue!" Damian's voice rose, and he was now yelling, "We implemented those measures for her safety, not for our own entertainment! It's a gross violation of her privacy, but at least we did it to protect her!"

"Oh? And having two separate cameras staring at her bed is going to what, protect her from bad dreams?"

"Dami, Tim, let's try to keep our cool here," Dick interjected gently, easing in to defuse the tension, "We're all on the same team, remember? We need to work together to figure this out."

Damian turned to Dick with a measured gaze, "I want to hear your perspective on this matter, Grayson."

Dick sighed, solemnly addressing Drake. “Tim, what you did wasn't just a mistake. It was a deliberate breach of trust. She relies on us to keep her safe and instead of focusing on that, you exploited her vulnerability.”

"Also," and Dick seemed more pained at this part, "You betrayed our trust. We all care about her and you influenced her desires for your own gain."

Tim sat in silence, his expression filled with shame as he began to realize the gravity of his actions. He knew he had acted irresponsibly, and the weight of their words hung heavy in the air. Jason and Dick exchanged silent glances, their disappointment evident in their expressions.

Damian took a deep centering breath before focusing his attention back on Tim.

"This isn't about whether she found out or not, Drake. If you still don't understand that, then we need to take more drastic measures to address and punish this behavior. Father, I appeal to you to implement anything you deem necessary to prevent such behavior in the future. We cannot allow such indecent actions against her to to be repeated."

Bruce, understanding the severity of the situation and having now heard everyone's perspective, nodded solemnly at Damian.

"Tim, in light of your actions, there are going to be some consequences," Bruce stated firmly, his tone leaving no room for argument. "You need to schedule therapy with Dr. Thompkins to address the troubling attitude that led to this situation. While we have taken invasive measures to monitor her, as Damian pointed out, your actions went beyond that."

He paused, allowing the weight of his words to sink in before continuing. "Until you've attended and Dr. Thompkins deems it appropriate, you will be restricted from having any contact with _____."

Finally, Bruce's gaze softened slightly as he looked at both Damian and Tim. "And Tim, it's imperative that you and Damian eventually reconcile. We're a team, and we need to remain united in our goals and overall behavior. I expect both of you to work towards rebuilding your relationship for the sake of the team and our darling."

"Damian," Bruce addressed his son, "since Tim will no longer be able to have contact with her, I'm assigning you a new responsibility. You will substitute him as her school friend and be someone she can rely on for assistance with homework and company. I want you to pick a class of hers that sounds interesting to you and make sure you're there to support her. It's important that she has someone she can trust and rely on, especially now. It's an opportunity for you to show her that she can count on us."

As the meeting continued, Damian spoke up, "I'll join her art class. It will allow me to assist her with her assignments and ensure she receives the academic support she needs."

Bruce nodded in approval. "Good choice, Damian. Make sure to approach this responsibility with care and dedication."

Turning to Jason, Bruce's expression grew serious. "Jason, I need you to be especially understanding and supportive towards her. If she feels troubled or has any lingering negative thoughts about what happened, I expect you to be there for her."

"Of course, Bruce," Jason says, eyes fixated on the now-sleeping figure of their darling on the cameras, "I'll do whatever it takes."

Dick now spoke up, "Can we talk about introducing me as Jason's roommate?"

Bruce shook his head, "Not yet; I want to make sure Damian successfully integrates first. You can still frequent around her job but no more interactions than that."

"Except for as a vigilante?" Dick replies hopefully, and Bruce gives him a measured gaze similar to his son's.

"Yes, although I expect you to exercise patience and primarily work in Blüdhaven for now."

Damian cuts in, "And don't be like Drake and fabricate a reason for her to need you."

"Damian," Bruce says in a tired voice, "I've made myself clear."

Damian looks down with an expression like he's biting his tongue and contempt is bright in his eyes, "Sorry, Father."

With that, the meeting concluded, each member of the Batfamily knowing the roles they had to play in ensuring their darling's well-being and trust remained intact.

[lilyarchived]

behind closed doors [simon "ghost" riley]

a/n: URGH this idea literally came from a silly twitter picture, PLEASE SEND ASKS YOU CAN SEE HOW DESPERATE I AM FOR IDEAS!! Also thank you for the love on my first post, you guys are awesome!

warnings: gn! reader, reader has a breakdown, jealousy, cursing, angst (to fluff), 0.7k words.

summary: you overheard a conversation that included you, and it wasn't a positive talk.

"Ghost, please. leave me alone." you whimper as you walk away from your lieutenant just following behind you. “Not until you tell me why you’ve been avoiding me.” he replies in that same old gruff voice since the day you met. 

You were wandering through the base, having done all the tasks Price had assigned ya. Hearing a familiar deep voice in one of the rooms, you were about to enter but a flash of hesitation hit you once you heard your name. “[mumbled] and what [scrambled] about [scrambled] [Y/N]?” muttered soap, his voice an unserious tone. You gulp, wondering if the context was negative or positive. “What about them?” your heart drops, did he really think nothing of you? Of course not, you were overthinking, you assure yourself this was just ghost being ghost. “I don’t mean to pry ya, lad. Don’t you and [mumbled] have something going on?” your smile reappears after soap’s suspicion. You were about to burst in, smiling, before hearing ghost’s voice once more. “What? No. There was never ‘anything’ between us.”

 Oh. Oh.  tears blur your vision before hearing soap say “Ah. So you’re pretty serious about this partner you’ve been talking to, huh?” running away before your heart shatters even more.

“Don’t bullshit me ghost. I heard you in there with soap.” you finally turn around once you’re out in the training field, only this time it was empty. You’ve never seen it this empty. What a strange sight. You bring your hands up to your head, fuzzying your hair as you scoff and fold your arms, waiting for ghost to respond. He just looks at you with those same deadpanned eyes, only this time it was laced with a confused look. “What?” he voices in a hushed manner.

 You could only fall to the rough ground as you broke down in an out-of-breath manner. Hearing Simon's footstep’s rummage through and leveling with you to hold you in his arms, his grasp tight as he hushes your cries.

“[Y/N], did you get those files i asked yo-” he barely got to finish his sentence before you dropped them at his hands and began to make your way out. “Gotta go, I'll see you later, gaz.” you utter, quickly shutting the door behind you. “What’s up with them?” ghost asked gaz, eyes wide with how the normally-clingy [Y/N] was now being avoidant. “You cannot be that fucking stupid.” gaz remarked. “What?” ghost asked, voice slightly raised now. Gaz scoffs, “you shit talked them to soap, you think they wouldn’t find out?” he added. “I never said anythi- fuck. I wasn’t-” gaz just raised an eyebrow, letting his lieutenant explain himself. “I was telling soap how much i like them.” gaz drops his pen, clearly intrigued now. “Go after them, dumbass!” he yells, and ghost bolts outside, in search of you.

And now here you were, in his arms, sobbing uncontrollably. ‘How pathetic.’ you think. “Do I mean nothing to you? All those nights, those- stupid breaks I spent with you, getting to know you, nothing?” Ghost’s heart aches as he hears your broken voice, feeling immense guilt creep up. “[Y/N], I was telling soap how I wanted to be with you.” your sobs quiet down, trying to process what he just said. “There’s no one else?” you whisper, silent cries slipping.

What really happened was, “really? And what about that chick you were talking to, Sarah? still want [Y/N]?” – “I don’t mean to pry ya, lad. Don’t you and Sarah have something going on?”

Oh. he was denying ever having ‘something’ with a different girl. It all seems foolishly funny now. You laugh through your tear stained cheeks as you punch Ghost on the chest playfully. "you scared me." your voice softer than before, if that were even possible. “It’s you, it’s always been you.” he explained, in that same old gruff voice since the day you met. Only this time, it held more emotion than ever.

[moonit3]

❉ ╤╤╤╤ ❉ TWO FOR ONE ❉ ╤╤╤╤ ❉

➽ context warnings: yandere themes, noncon, teasing (like the male yandere touches your genitalia, but isn’t explicitly which type of genitalia) (receiving), blackmailing, cursed words, public sex, non consensual recording, isolation, gaslighting, unwanted touching, implied male masturbation, forced undressing (from reader’s part), implied future marking on reader.

➽ word count: 1.6k

➽ synopsis: coming back home for the summer break wasn’t the brightest idea, not when two people came to see you after giving you the worse experience of your life.

➽ yandere! twins x gn! reader

➽ a/n: it took a while, didn’t it? honestly it is my fault as i got many ideas for this one and write it over and over and over. but today i bring you this piece with not on, but two yanderes! also, keep in mind there is no romance between the twins (no incest at this blog!) , rather them working together to have reader to become their since they share. enjoy today writing, my dear! and happy christmas to those who celebrate, if not a happy Monday!

returning to your hometown feels nostalgic, seeing relatives that keep bothering you about how you still don’t have a significant other get you a little uncomfortable, but still nice to hear they carry about your lonely when away from them.

hearing about their life makes you wonder how the town changed when you were away, former classmates are already married while others started working overseas. it’s sounds amazing to see that everyone is following their life and you hope the two people you have in mind have changed, but you don’t want to seem them anymore…however you didn’t expected mother to invited them.

kai and kori, twins who were once your best friends from kindergarten and throughout high school. your family love them and the people from the town see them as the most beloved, however that doesn’t change the fact that you distance yourself from them when you went to study abroad and they are the main reason you choose to go to college somewhere far away from here.

their presence at your parents’ home makes you feel uneasy, everyone is laughing with them and happy about having two childhood friends of your around. nonetheless, when family went to rest after finish cleaning the dishes, you were forced by the twins to go outside with them.

sitting underneath the large tree, kai lays his head down at your shoulder with his hand caressing your hair while kori doesn’t want to leave your lap no matter what, although she is aware that your legs are getting numb anytime soon.

“a-ah, could you guys please let it go away from me?” you can’t move away from them, not when they are purposefully pressing their weight on you. “for real…i-i don’t…ugh…want to b-be around the t-two of you!”

instead of a reply, you hear kai snoring on your shoulder and your eyes observe kori drooling at your lap, luckily she isn’t dirtying your pants. however, that doesn’t change how your body is negatively reacting to them.

cold sweat dirtying your hair, body trembling whatever kori’s head got heavier in your lap or when kai’s grip got tighter, resulting in whines coming out of your mouth. they are pretending to be asleep to not let you go away from their touch, even though they are awake of your uncomfortable state.

the breeze hitting your face makes your skin crawl, going inside home to stay away from them and laying down with the fluffiest blankets are the ideal, in fact, coming home was the worse idea. your mind begs for you to get up and ran away and don’t look back at them. however with twins holding you down, your body fails to get away from them.

trembling and shaking of fear, you were ready to panic and call for help to the people inside home. yet, that never happened when kai’s hands reached for your neck and it brought you to unconscious instantly.

“one day, you will have to choose one of us, you know?” kori’s words haunted you. always whispering you that whatever she and kai came home to play with you, making you feel awkwardly around her. “and I know you are going to choose me~”

her smile, despite being a gentle one, often making you apprehensive about the mask she wears in for the people who come around. everyone sees her as the embodiment of perfection, a girl who stolen the heart of many and yet, she rejects them over and over. her heart already having an unwilling owner, you.

throughout high school, she forced convinced you to enroll in the same classes, always sitting close to you with hand closer to your body. her intentions were clear: isolating you from the rest of the students, preventing them from befriending you and leaving no chance from leaving her. after all, in her twisted mind, she is the only one who deserves your friendship.

when the class graduate, you thought it would the end from kori’s influence on your life with you leaving to attend a college overseas and she would study at the local one in the town. however, things didn’t go as planned when she made you come to a dinner at her house, with her family and most importantly, her twin brother.

you’d never really spoken to kai, not directly though. most of the time, his response were limited to nod and hum when you tried to talk with him. his silence attitude towards you made it hard to read him, making his presence enigmatic and slightly uncomfortable.

the first directly interaction with kai happened during a dinner before you left the town. he took the seat next to you, while kori settled in front of you with that classic smile of her. their parents discussed the result of their college admission exams, happy to have both been accepted into the local university. however, you couldn’t be happier, not when the twins’ presence made you uneasy.

amidst the family dinner, kori and kai were touching your body underneath the table, your discomfort being hide by the tablecloth.

below your fake smile, kai’s finger reaches the fly of your jeans and zipped down, ignoring the whines and protests coming out from your lips when his parents weren’t paying attention at you. behind his stoic face, he couldn’t be happier by feeling your lower area, taking his time to explore your sensitive genitalia.

when you felt one of his digit teasing the head of your genitalia, your immediately met kori’s eyes, ready to beg her to kick her brother’s leg with her high heels or do something to help you get out of this situation, but she didn’t. instead of being a helpful friend like you hope she should, her nailed hands reaches for her phone, already recording your violation under the tablecloth.

the dinner ended earlier when you gained enough courage to step up, ignoring the confuse looks from their parents when tears came out of your eyes, both asking if you were okay. you didn’t replied —instead, you quickly left their house in the middle of the night to never visit their house again.

unanswered calls from the twins, messages full of threats they would release the videos without your consent and how it would ruin your life if you didn’t obey them.

“what do you think your parents would tell you? seeing you being touched by kai so intimately and whining like a bitch?” kori was the most meaner between them, always sending those voice mail full of cursed words and calling you names that no one should. her status of being a popular girl around the town result in you become a outsider to everyone else, rumors of you being mean and rude to her made you become the evil person in the story. “you are going to willingly come crawling back to me. i know you will, after all, you are nothing without me.”

“you did like it. don’t be stupid, [name].” there was profanity sound in the missed call, his voice falling sometimes with wet sounds between his words. “a-actually, why don’t you come home? it been a while since you visit me and i-i really need to—fuck! i-i need to f-feel you…” it easy to say that you blocked their numbers after a while, completely hopelessly they would apologize for it.

the idea of going to the police and report them was your plan, but whatever you step closer to the station with the courage to speak out always ended when they started sending the video from unknown numbers and recently taken photos of you. realizing they were watching you daily, your couldn’t bare to tell the police about the incident nor anyone else, after all, who would have believed you?

when a letter from a college overseas accepting your request, you didn’t waste any second and left the town in the middle of the night, only saying goodbye to your parents. you wouldn’t never return to this place, no one sane would, but hearing mother and father begging you to visit them during the summer break hurt your heart, so you came home for just a day or so.

however, you never expect to them inviting the two people responsible for the greatest tragedy of your life.

as your nightmares dissolve into a realm of consciousness, a source coming from the blinding light of kori’s phone jerks you away from a deep sleep and you couldn’t understand why she is doing it.

with your vision slowly adjusting to the dark sky and the camera flash, you realize that kai was holding you restraint at his lap and your arms tied behind your back. a duct tape covering your lips, preventing you from screaming for help like the previous time.

“you are doing great, my love.” his breath at your neck makes you nauseous, it doesn’t help when you realize that you are nude in his lap. there is nothing covering your genitalia and nothing to hide your face from the photos. “after this, we will go somewhere more comfortable to take more photos, okay?”

his words doesn’t comfort you, it only make you struggle more for freedom when another picture is taken of you. this time kori is more closer to you, but not to take a photo of you like you expected, rather she just smiles at you.

her eyes stares into yours, making you unable to face another direction when her presence comes into your mind. it’s unbearable, but you have no options than following her eyes going down at your thigh, is she planning something?

“i think this will be the perfect place to mark you, [name]. so anyone who dares to touch you will see who truly owns you.”

@moonit3 writings

[bitdemonic]

date. may 29th, 2023

time. 3:16pm

—❝𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐞.❞

𝐬𝐲𝐩𝐧𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐬. future spouse pac ✞ pics with them

𝐚𝐢𝐝. if the images above are too hard to differentiate between your intuition, use ‘pile 1, 2, 3, or 4’ for the choice selection instead. this reading has five piles and each pile is different in terms of context.

𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐫. 18+ content—no minors. please remember, this post is just for shits and giggles. pinch a grain of salt and use the best of your discernment. i tend to write under the impression that majority of this content’s viewers are women however i read for both feminine and masculine energies. if needed to, please flip the roles as reversed for an accurate message. hope this reading is useful, but not for plagiarism bitch. enjoy.❦

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞 ✞

🃏lovers. 5oc. magician↺. queen of pentacles↺. tower↺. strength↺ and peace.

let it be mentioned that the lovers card amplifies all of the energy that follows; def intense because i could feel it within the deck itself. pictures here are raw, they’re always unfiltered and passionate at w.e moment they’re taken. to me, y’all are the literal definition of ownership lmao so it’s hard not to notice the obsession with each another. y’all’s chemistry is def eye-catching, tantalizing to say the least. “mine.” there are resemblances between y’all, matching tattoos or even being mistaken for brother and sister. to put it in a nutshell, this is tongue kissing on the main and taunting old exes—it’s obvious there’s bomb ass sex with each other lmao, but more importantly there is devotion.

apart from posting on social media, there’s internet presence around y’all—could be popular influencers or just outright celebrities. possible youtube couple? very de’arra and ken vibes. either way, someone in the connection (if not both) went or will go viral. the tower in retrograde, this is a specific picture at a specific point in time; it even has the potential to be life changing. “break the internet.” attention that brings problems ngl. sure someone’s jealous ex, but apart from them there is so much outside negativity towards the feminine. people are pissed when she comes across their feed, but only because they secretly want to be her. queen of coins in retrograde; envy that simmers from deep within until it becomes hatred or outer turmoil. seeing pics sent in groupchats, hate comments from spam accounts, posting on close friends—her presence triggers insecurities and people hurt under pressure. black moon lilith. as delusional as it sounds, this is an eerie situation to be in fr so be mindful.

the masculine doesn’t stand a chance omg, the feminine is deadass the star of the show. represented as the queen of wands, she’s outshining tf out of him without even trying lmao. glamorization of what the masses can see, which undeniably is her beauty. this is “off guard” pretty, bad pictures just simply don’t exist. if y’all wear makeup, it’s very complimented—the blending and baking, or contour and highlighter are a ten. this even pertains to the first paragraph, how someone here is in the public eye, because pictures of her are taken unbeknownst due to her appearance. the magician in retrograde signifies fan cams, video edits, and pinterest boards—there’s also editorials and photoshop? mentions of an aesthetic came in, or “neptune.”

all in all, this couple has magnetism and attracts opportunities due to their pictures. def some gorgeous people, it was noted that y’all’s face cards elite lmao. however, y’all have to be cautious because taboo-ism is prone to happen as well. such as scamming or catfishing, things that could cause detriment to future occasions. outsiders are the issue here, they’ll def try to bank off on y’all’s identities. something could or could’ve already happened with a certain picture? “controversy.” the response to it is fifty-fifty; half who are defending and half who are criticizing. “stans” and a “fandom” are involved.

📸 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐬

❦— from behind. the masculine will tower behind the feminine (no matter the height), engulfing her in a bear hug or whatever else to imply their presence. head buried in her neck, hands wrapped around her waist—this also denotes their possessiveness as partners together.

❦— pretty teeth. big big smiles here, the goofy grins and shut eyes. y’all countdown before taking a picture but numerous times because y’all can never be serious lmao. fingers in mouth type smiley faces.

❦— beauty queen. this is more-so on the feminine’s behalf, she’s the one that’s always ready for a picture and the one always asking someone to take one of her. being photogenic is one of her best features to date. no matter if y’all agree, but i’m def seeing the face of a model.

❦— cancer. this made me think of ariana grande and her husband dalton, their pic outside with the moon behind them. this is pictures in that same setting, or at least taking them during the nighttime. 8pm thru 5am. stargazing together is here too.

❦— taurus. this actually alludes to more than one thing. the masculine is a gift giver, i pulled the “sugar daddy” card for them in particular. they def have big bucks, or at least enough to gift you the finer things in life. they’ll spoil you for fun and in turn you’ll show off what they bought you—new toys lol. pics of the “next big thing” (vacation views, receipts or tickets, cars, etc). smell goods are specific, perfumes or colognes.

“glutton” corresponds with taurus as well—someone in this connection loves to chow down, meaning tons of food cameos in their (own) pictures. they’ll pose funnily; mid-chew or with a bunch of food stuffed in their mouth to be annoying lol. little dorky things like putting an orange peel in their mouth before they smile.

❦— do not disturb. pretty self-explanatory, but for y’all this seems to be alone time from the world. this reminded me of travel, but i channeled that this is to each others hometowns. this could be an interracial connection, mentions of cultural traditions and differences.

❦— naked bodies. the feminine’s chest is significant, something about that area in particular that the masculine loves. there’s pics of them fondling or sucking on her nipples, playing with them even. someone’s v-line is here, plus a hand going up their abdomen. the masculine’s bare ass is source material too, those pics are for funsies.

❦— topping. this could obviously mean they’re a daddy dom in general lmao, but if not it just means the masculine will be hunched over or “taller” than the feminine. she’ll be lower than him, as in he’s standing and she’s sitting or she’s laying down beneath him. sex-wise this is them doing it from behind or being on top quite literally.

❦— foreplay. tbh this one is vague, but i still wanted to put it in bc why tf not. this is while y’all are in the moment, or while someone is teasing the other before actual intercourse. pictures of them while they’re giving you hickies, or while they’re pulling at your underwear to give you oral. somebody’s an ass muncher too so expect pics of that lmaooo.

❦— sloppy. no but yes iykyk😂 this is more on the pic itself, how it won’t be organized or captured clearly during sexual moments. like if you’re pleasuring them and have them take a picture, it’ll just come out fucked and unfocused because they’re fucked and unfocused. kinda what would’ve been the perfect shot if y’all weren’t so “distracted”.

brooklyn and nicola peltz-beckham (hot ass names) are the perfect couple example for this pile. their expressiveness together is subtle, yet loud enough that we know they’re each other’s one and only. regardless of how long the relationship lasts, we’ll remember the fact that they were ultimately made for each other.

end.❤️‍🔥 previous reading

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐰𝐨 ✞

🃏king of cups. princess of cups. 2oc. 5op↺. 8oc↺. rest and comfort.

this spread screams emotional depth, it’s haunting as hell but not in a bad way—in a way that’ll pull your soul into its deep abyss. hypnotic almost. this is “grow old together” love, i can literally feel the years in my bones. these are moments that you can’t help but reminisce on, pictures that are saved or bookmarked because they’re so very special. their essence is felt and appreciated, enough that there’ll be tears of happiness. lmao this is going to sound corny, but this connection’s energy reminds me of a warm blanket. like milk and cookies on the sofa, or a kiss goodbye from grandma. it’s just so snug, i can’t even put into words how safe i feel right now. how libras are sweet and tender, fragile enough to shatter if you aren’t gentle—this is softness at its finest.

[TW] substance abuse could’ve been an reoccurring issue in this relationship, or at least a bad problem. the five of pentacles being in retrograde was an indication of sobriety to me, along with the image of somebody holding their own sobriety chip with a smile—not for everyone, but pictures under this circumstance are meant to remember the past without having to revisit the pain. “encouragement.” it’s apparent at this point lmao, but the sweetest captions known to man are found here. paragraph after paragraph, an everflowing stream of appreciation for your partner. endearing birthday posts are significant, along with sweet nothings in the comments omg y’all are sapsss. if i had to put it in words, “smol” or “wubs” come to mind before anything else omg y’all are sapssssss.

there are before and after pictures with each other (childhood friends, neighbors, friend of a friend, etc.) because again “growing old iem together”, there’s a sense of watching each other through the years. feeling the vibe of them being around as kids, transitioning into adulthood then getting closer as grownups. if not tho, this is someone that you’ll literally feel at home with; they are home to be real. this is a person that’s familiar, regardless of if they’re new or not. y’all are going to be glued to each other’s side until death. similarities are here, but in the sense of same environment or same social circle. i’m also getting similar taste in hobbies, music, and clothing. meditation or gym pics are common, promoting balance and wellbeing is a shared interest. personalities in general, ya’ll coordinate so very well. no wonder people linger longer than they need to—they’re wanting to see what’s next with the world’s cutest couple. also because y’all are walking enigmas and it threatens them lmao.

the attributes of venus sums up y’all’s pictures together. they’re beautiful, and are the literal definition of a thousand words. i channeled date night, but this came to being in the kitchen most of the time. y’all love to cook together, or to be in the kitchen at the same time to goof off and be annoying. dinner at home happens frequently, i’m seeing someone set the table while the other chops vegetables and stirs the pot. there’s pictures of handwritten love letters or random bouquets of flowers, things that tend to sweeten life with them a little more than before. this is def “fell in love with my best friend”, even as a photo caption lol. friends in general are around y’all—drunk nights at the bar, group poses in front of an amusement park, eating edibles and doing vlogs, etc. a lot of moments with your future spouse include people y’all are close with as a couple (siblings, co-workers, group of friends). nostalgia is the overall vibe here. pictures together feel good and “homey”.

extra mentions because i can’t even get over this pile, this is my favorite one out of all of them. it just feels how a polaroid looks, but in the sense of being in love? i just keep seeing the little things🥹 walking alongside the beach, kissing in the photo booth, building a gingerbread house, picking their nose even lmao. wow ya’ll have custom fridge magnets too. i didn’t get that pics of them were frequent on social media, more so because they’re too special to share. this pile values their privacy so pictures aren’t taken with the thought of anyone else in mind, they’re very cherished. i did channel emotional milestones being posted (pregnancy, marriage, moving in, etc.) and i do see their own certified spot on your page (photo dumps, page highlights, name in bio). kinda like a virtual museum of their love to you and your love to them.

📸 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐬

❦— them. a potent photo trait is literally your fs lmao, they’re lowkey walking art. something about their facial features or structure are resemblant to a god’s—very pretty people, and we photograph them as such. capturing them from their good angles with the best lighting, it’s flattering. people stop breathing when they see these pictures.

❦— b&w. these are heartwarming pictures, ones that are wholesome enough to frame and hang on the walls. i’m seeing pinkies being intertwined and eskimo kisses, innocence personified. closeups of someone covering their face and hiding their smile, but peeking through their fingers to see the camera cuteee.

❦— work. big thing here, it was mentioned three times. y’all could have an online business together, one that encourages or promotes positivity (self affirmations, fundraisers, products, etc.) it could be popular, there’s succession (passed down thru generations) and a sense of being stable despite y’all being new owners.

there’s also “goodbye” and “big city”, working creates long distance travel which means the time y’all usually spend together gets split in half. someone has to leave frequently and for long periods of time, this in turn creates photo dumps (which are so common here lol) and extra long captions.

❦— hermit mode. take a shot for each time i’ve said something’s cute lmao but this is so cute. so these are pics at home or in comfortable environments, in matching onesies or facial masks. just very big kid vibes, y’all even build pillow forts to sleep in them awww. this is peace and quiet with each other.

❦— phone. i channeled facetime and audio messages, “listen to me.” ya’ll spend hours upon hours on the phone. no matter if it’s meaningful convo or a simple check in, y’all will talk all day until your mouths go dry. taking screenshots of their goofy messages (hilarious btw) while falling asleep on the phone, y’all can’t get enough of each other. this is someone that will listen to and send songs that remind them of you, creating playlists that y’all will listen to together.

❦— landscapes. beautiful views with them, emphasis on beautiful. orange sunsets, mossy green hills, glittered night skies. blooming gardens or snowcapped peaks, nature as a whole is prominent but def within photos. a “secret” code is here; if someone isn’t in the picture entirely, their stuff will be so that we know they’re around. (car keys or a phone, initials in the sand, half-eaten food etc.)

❦— guess what? “we just fucked.” lame i know lmaoooo but this is what y’all do, leave writing on foggy windows or wet handprints against shower glass. it could be wet stains on the bed, bite marks on the thighs—anything goes to snitch on y’all selves tbh. even seeing red scratches across someone’s back, yet they grin with a thumbs up.

❦— nudes. if your person is a male, pictures of their wand are reoccurring. very reoccurring lmao, whether it’s sent from them or taken by you. specifically pictures of your hand wrapped around their wand after they’ve🥛 but there’s videos too, more of the oral part before the finish lmao. this is on the feminine’s phone in particular, she has a hidden folder in her camera roll just for these.

❦— home videos. y’all have beautiful sex together, as in pleasure that’s meant to be on film fr. emotions and passion at an all time high, it’s as if the walls were painted in y’all’s intimacy. “aesthetes.” so much thought and effort are put into the final product—props and low lighting, burning candles, background music. it’s a movie scene, even down to the settings that resemble paintings.

❦— the fool. it’s normal for nsfw pics to happen outside; in nature or in public spaces. wild cards fr, you’ll end up doing it anywhere and everywhere (oral included). no regard for the law or peeping toms either, y’all get too wrapped up in each other care. this is in restrooms, at parking lots, on beaches, etc. just don’t get caught lmao.

end.❤️‍🔥 previous reading

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 ✞

🃏queen of cups↺. 6os↺. 5op. 10op↺. 9oc. cleanse and ideation↺.

i want to mention that i noticed a dime while shuffling—this made me think “a dime a dozen” or “diamond in the rough.” this is on the fs’s part, they put you on a pedestal. you’re a trophy to them, the winning prize, someone that they’re so proud to experience and witness in their everyday glory. no one in the world reminds them of you, you’re indifferent and cherishable. your own person. channeled that this is evident in their eyes—in pictures you’ll notice a glimmer or glint, even the admiration on their face. in awe of all that is you.

these are photos that can’t be shared, ones that are kept secret and stowed under passwords. “your eyes only.” this energy is very secretive, very “shhhh” and it seems to be a double edged sword situation. this pile’s future spouse has an outside relationship, someone they’re involved with despite their attachment to you. it’s shitty because y’all truly have a bomb ass connection but the secrecy behind it overshadows the love. the emperor in retrograde, their control over the situation is a nuance to the issue. the problem lies in their dismissal of reality, life outside of the fantasy they’ve created. pertaining to them leaving their current partner, it’s no negotiation on how or when to do it. they want to leave on their own time, but you’re not a fan of that sentiment because it’s tiring. this person is so matter of fact tho lmao, they say “deal with it or don’t.”

ngl i do see this as possessiveness, but it’s not as terrible as it seems. the circumstance could obviously be better, but as far as their intentions go it’s never out of spite. it sounds confusing because yes this is a love triangle, but truthfully they’re more invested in what y’all have. there’s just no forward action after the fact which screams lack of accountability due to their pride and ego. despite their leo placements (trust me), this person emulates the cowardly lion and his fear of courage, particularly their refusal to come clean and cut ties. with cleanse and ideation being contrasting colors (red and blue i.e. hot and cold), moments of passion turn into missed calls and ghosting. long periods on their end, on and off or up and down, because they don’t want to accept defeat—being in love.

these photos remind me of a mask, one that hides the truth behind wide smiles and kissy faces. it’s a lot going on within this connection and tbh that aspect is more evident than anything in the camera. despite their emotional response to you, i did channel that they have the tendency to forget you’re human lmao. not in a weird disrespectful sense, but that you’re an item they want to keep “all alone and only needing me.” it seems unhinged but again this isn’t with ill intent, it’s a claim for them. “competition” and i’m channeling flavor flav’s dating show—this is an ego (leo) thing for sure because of course this person has insecurities revolving your other options. this is such a situationship lmao but i don’t think it’s all bad, just some major inner reflection is needed. i will say that pile three’s energy was quiet, this seems to be withdrawal from dealing with old patterns and that’s valid.

📸 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐬

❦— photobomb. this person is alwaysssss interrupting personal pictures lmao and with no shame too. i’m getting so many random instances of them, nine times out of ten they’ll be in the background of whatever is taken. channeling live photos specifically; you’re posing in the mirror as they walk in to bother you lmao. they start to grab at your waist to give you a kiss, but you’re laughing and squealing instead. they’ll have moments as such, but their gestures are significant (middle fingers, expressive faces, waving at the camera etc.)

❦— scorpio. very sexy, secluded energy is significant. for obvious reasons it’s borderline sneaking around, so the air of enticement is always there. “risqué.” there’s something about the lighting that adds to this dynamic, either lowering brightness or dimming the contrast (me coded) to “seduce” or add mystique. also it just looks better lmao.

❦— three of wands. specific so it’s not for all, but someone in this connection is either bisexual or bi-curious. this could even point to a polygamous or open relationship because i’m seeing threesomes or kissing people of the same sexual orientation. maybe even doing things with this person’s outside connection(s), it was mentioned. this didn’t come off as a photo trait but i still put it in lmao take what resonates.

❦— thin ice. one or the other are using their partner’s state of vulnerability as a quote unquote mindfuck😭 this is when they’re upset (yelling, crying, silent treatment etc). i even see someone sticking up their middle finger as their person spams a bunch of pictures. “aw you mad?” this seems to be the fs’s game of choice and it’s irritating bc sometimes they can’t read the room lmao.

❦— honey. this lands since together y’all seem to be hot and sticky, but turn out sweet at the same time. your person’s teasing and childish antics tie into this too (sticky), they’ll send pictures of things they ordered for you or send money to make up for upsetting you.

❦— hot. honey hot lmaoo don’t unfollow me yet. “turn me on” and “sexy sexy” came out, pretty self explanatory. i could see the energy if anything, y’alls energies are intense af. it’s like looking at porn in the form of a couple, very cunt tbh (i hate myself). sexual innuendos come from this too—grabbing crotches but it’s not in view, peeking at them from under the sheets, biting fingers or being choked.

❦— aquarius. very unserious couple lmaooo (take a shot for each lmao lmao), ya’ll are so silly together. this is milk mustaches, cheek biting, sniffing armpits, clenching butts—literally anything dumb. fun environments or dates that require being active, ones that are out the box or outside comfort zones. rock climbing, bungee jumping, parasailing, rooftop golf, riding atvs etc. veryyy fun pics.

❦— evidence. i didn’t want to include this because i don’t encourage it but we move. whatever pics come out of this specific part, they’re going to be vile. just outright nasty lmao and it’s for a reason. this is def ammunition for the feminine, this is her weapon for those that try to sabotage this relationship out of spite or competition. saved for “rainy days.” this is one leo ass pile😭

❦— aphrodite. because you’re breathtaking, they’ll catch you in the moments of being “free” or at ease. like when you’re getting undressed for a shower or when you’re glowing after great sex. capturing minuscule details that only a lover would notice, they see true beauty even when you aren’t attempting to be.

❦— nudes. the feminine is naughty oooo. “invisible ink.” she’s sending nudes like invitations lmao, but on the occasion that y’all have been separated for too long. wants to show her partner what they’ve been missing, or at least what they can’t have. “look since you can’t touch.” it’ll be torture too lmao, she’s def dolled up and posing in whatever’s sheer to flaunt her goods.

when it comes to sexual media in general, y’all are always on the same page. whenever, wherever, however—it’s always reciprocated because it’s always wanted lmao, it’s exciting and keeps things fun. sexting at work, whispering dirty talk into the phone, masturbation videos before noon etc. admiration of each other’s bodies is here; heart emojis and words of affirmation.

❦— queen of coins. this is value during pleasure, goddess treatment when it comes to bedroom activities. tbh if y’all stared at them long enough it’d just get y’all hot and bothered for more. i’m channeling that your person will dead send money in return for being blessed omg. roleplay and cosplay were mentioned, y’all go shopping for new costumes or items together.

had to mention because it kept reoccurring whenever i edited this specific pile—i kept repeating lmao after certain sentences or wanted to put in dumb shit for comedic presence, and i wanted to be blunt with this pile so bad because y’all felt so bestie. this was so y’all’s fs lmao idk who they are but they’re nothing but jokes, a pure clown at heart. i thought it was cute because i interpreted it as y’all being so connected that even when y’all are far apart y’all are still so close.

end.❤️‍🔥 previous reading

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫 ✞

🃏5os↺. 2ow↺. 3oc. the hermit. the magician↺. flow↺ and growth.

off bat it seems that pictures didn’t come into fruition for a while, at least three-five months tops. “no sudden movements.” resistance and ghosting are here, someone is running from the connection out of fear. the hermit card means that they’re scared of stepping outside their comfort zone to take a risk. not even in a negative way it’s just that they’re terrified lmao. this is def bestfriends to lovers but there’s turtle movement around the union coming together—that same someone doesn’t want to ruin the friendship. they don’t know this obviously, but y’all are actually a divine union. “ancient” so this could be souls from a past life coming together again. “grounded as human beings.” this is so slow burn tho lmao i can deadass see a tree starting to grow but in slowww motion.

this person fantasizes heavyyy about taking passionate photos with you, but again y’all are nowhere near that level of commitment yet. pretty sure this reading’s timeline is during the beginning or middle of y’all’s friendship since there’s so many downloads about comfortability and not wanting to mess up. they’re fighting temptation so bad it’s wild lmao, they’ve never felt this strongly about someone—let alone a friend. red hearts are in their eyes whenever you’re near, but they’ll still turn away to avoid facing the truth of their feelings. it’s annoying to them too lmao, queen of cups represents the emotional pull your presence has on them. to be caught up in the depths of inner reflection is so outside themselves and yet here they are.

someone else is involved with the pacing of this connection. the three of cups being pulled is representative as a person or situation outside of y’all, one that they’re incapable of leaving though they’re desperate to. “can’t.” something about being bound (marriage, children, parents, religion etc.) is the reason why. whichever or whatever it is, unfortunately it’s not an easy fix. their energy is obviously the most prominent and that’s because they’re yearning for this idea of becoming more, they just hate that blockages exist and are effective. you’re a literal pleasure to be around, they wish to easily accept and embrace all that you should offer. channeled tupac’s love letter to jada and how he wrote, “you bring me 2 climax without sex.” beautiful ass words from him btw, but in correspondence to your person this is what they’d say about you too. it’s a lot to relish in and it’s prob not obvious, but they do worship the very ground you walk on. admiration, adoration, appreciation in every way possible. honorable mention, your future spouse loves talking to you. general conversation is nice, but y’all peel off the layers of topics that are taboo or undiscussed. the conversation will reach the very ends of the earth just to double back again for more.

didn’t realize until now that pics together weren’t mentioned that much because this person had some things to say instead lmao. it’ll start off discreet, sneaking photos of you from behind or getting them walking past your table. this is cute considering the reading was mainly from fs’s perspective, but you’re the one that’s taking “accidental” pictures of them first. and when this person happens to take “accidental” pictures too, they won’t ever delete them. keepsakes. those accidents soothe the big fat secret crushes y’all have on each other. y’all are literally 🩷 in human form, or puppy love as a couple. very cute like i’m squealing for y’all.

📸 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐬

❦— spam. “123” was pulled twice, but instead of countdowns i channeled multiple pictures at once. getting in each other’s faces for the fun of it, catching them off guard or at their “worst” to be silly lol. i see y’all picking out the most embarrassing ones and saving them to y’all’s favorites.

❦— beyoncè. “middle fingers up, put them hands high.” boy do y’all love this gesture lmaooo this is def in almost every pic if not all. i did hear until it’s used with direct intent then the rest of the song came in😭 this is a jab at their on and off behavior, y’all have periods of being beefed out bc of it.

❦— hair. someone’s hair is prominent, could be curly? if not it’s still apart of photos together, it’s even a prop sometimes. very nice hair, bold or beautiful. this is using strands of hair for mustaches or pretending to eat it with wide eyes lmao.

❦— taurus. could be food pics as well, but i channeled netflix and chill vibes. lounging around with y’all’s legs on the other or using chests as pillows. y’all send screenshots of movie favorites (actors and directors, behind the scenes, monologues etc.) or of movie knickknacks. seeing pics at comic-con and animals in character costumes. movie funko pops or figurines too.

❦— venusian. this is someone that will always always always compliment you before, after, or during a picture. if you ask them to take one of you, you’ll notice how fucking long it takes them to do it. i’m seeing them look back and forth, from you to the camera, because “wow you’re real.” gorgeous too. taken aback for sure but they’ll hide it behind witty little remarks. “wow you actually look nice today” but instead it’s the shittiest attempt at hiding what they really want to say.

❦— old friend. waving hello or goodbye, someone is doing this to the other as they come closer or farther away. pictures while they’re walking, seeing small smiles and timid hands. sweet gestures are significant, followed by blushing cheeks or shy eye contact.

❦— baby. this🥹 this is literally y’all’s aesthetic in most pictures. it’s like looking at puppies and kittens, how your whole demeanor goes soft and you can’t stop saying “awww.” tenderness is always there and it’s shown—forehead kisses, tracing noses, wearing each other’s shirts or hoodies, hugs from behind etc.

❦— boobies and more boobies. boobies.

❦— fluids. horrendous ass word but these are pics of 🥛 or 🧃 on each other’s faces. releasing on your lower body, or you’ll get them drenched in yours. if this person has a wand, i’m seeing it lodged in your mouth or being tapped across your cheek. this includes (loud and expressive🤭) self-masturbation on their end as well.

❦— condiments. yessss this is them putting whip cream on your neck to suck it off or pouring syrup into your belly button and licking it out. not food but ice cubes were mentioned too, dragging it along your body or kissing it into your mouth. plus they’re delicate with it. these are vids more than pics, but nonetheless y’all hot af lmao.

❦— lingerie. high quality, as in lace corsets and beaded garters that give off haute couture. getting the vibe of something expensive, and it doesn’t have to be but y’all not wearing nothing cheap lmao. doe or siren eyes in the camera, along with lewd poses and provocative faces.

❦— hotttt. vids of them taking control or dirtying you up real good since they’re on camera🥵 rough and nasty, crying and begging type shit. i’m hearing taunting or a tone of condescendence while they pound harder and deeper wow. very raw and disgusting i love it. choking and spitting even, they’re extremely intense when they want to be and you’re going to love it lmao.

❦— aftercare. capturing each other’s naked bodies, either rubbing against one another or winding down after a round. this is when it’s all said and done, when y’all are out of breath and exhausted from banging each other’s brains out lmao. but it could also be the slower part of intercourse, where y’all still “attached” but it’s coming to an end. bro y’all are hot af😭

end.❤️‍🔥 previous reading

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞 ✞

🃏5ow. 10ow↺. death↺. 4os↺. 9ow. 2os↺. space and passion.

starting with the cards space and passion, this pile def has to tiptoe around the concept of taking photos with their fs. whoever they are, there’s disapproval around them being romantically involved with you. channeled “good girl gone bad” and it reminds me of the preacher’s daughter who turned out to be someone different than expected. with death in retrograde, that’s literally what i just said lmao—fated transformation will occur during this person and after. matter of fact, all of the cards in reverse represent the people whom are trying to lure you back into who you “used to be.” these people fear your transformation because they think it’s happening under the circumstance of pleasing your future spouse and not for personal gain. something tells me this is family talking opposed to public influence or nosey exes, and i also feel like you’re without a voice here. people don’t hear you out even when you try to speak up? with the nine of wands, you’re incessantly being put in positions where your beliefs are challenged as an adult, but this could stem from childhood as well. chiron in the 3rd, lillith in the 4th, and mercury in the 12th could be significant.

going back to this person, they give me first vibes. not in the sense of losing virginities or love and heartbreak, but your first sexual awakening. the aura around pictures with them are intense enough to be sexy but the dark and brooding type that’s why i made the assumption of this being the opened door to devotion. this feels like sex magick lmao, you’ll feel bonded to them whether it was before or after the first time. you’ve never been this infatuated before and if you think you have, no you haven’t. this is going to sound lame lmao but y’all’s energy feels like my persona on here, the profile pic and username. kourtney kardash and travis barker are a better example since they’re an actual couple. y’all are like them, not their entire relationship but the aesthetic they share and how in lust they are. don’t hate me either but i’m picking up on how kourtney pretty much changed her whole look to match travis’s vibe, this is that too (don’t do that tho, be yourself baby).

lmao let me again mention that people are pissed at this union like real bad. of course they don’t necessarily matter considering this is your life, but funnily enough they want the best for you. don’t get me wrong, however way they go about expressing this could def be better but the intention isn’t to be assholes. four of swords in retrograde, their thoughts revolve around emotional stability and maturity—you’re too young for them (fs) in terms of naivety. “ticking time bomb.” there’s truth to this tho and ofc you’ll discover why that is once it’s time to. bringing up the nine of wands again, as a whole it turned out be an age gap—your person could be older and it doesn’t have to be a huge ass difference but it’s not subtle lmao. channeled the trope dbf!character x daughter!reader😭 ngl that sums up why there’s so much tsking around y’all being together. y’all better be of legal age, and please careful when old creeps come around because no.

ngl this seems to be a karmic relationship that comes with a profound lesson; don’t get discouraged either, this is going to bring in so much growth as a physical and spiritual being. this is meant to help you transition through life seamlessly, or at least without the mindset of giving up. this lesson seems to be made up of spiritual guidance bordering past wounds (relationship, childhood, generational etc.), a universal test that’ll heal the old and assist the new. you’re kicking people from the past back where they were left at, very intent on standing where your foot lands. beautiful baby, congrats to your future self!

extra notes because i had no space to fit them in with the other paragraphs. as i said earlier, people are against y’all’s connection but it’s not just your family members that try to intercept. “tabloids.” i think your future spouse may be in the public eye? i didn’t pick up on fame in particular, but there’s some type of attention on them that gets put on you. regardless, the situation brings a shitload of haters. it’s weird tbh because people don’t not like you but at the same time they do?😭 “bittersweet” came to mind and that’s replicant of this energy in a way? “you deserve better.” people want to save you from something they don’t think is worth your time, but then want to rub it in your face that they told you so? bro idk who this person is but they are notttt popular, people not fw them at all lmao. it’s negativity around them if anything but i just heard “bad publicity is still publicity”, maybe that image works for them.

📸 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐬

y’all must be special irl this pile is so different from the others lol—i didn’t pick up on photo traits but personality traits instead so i went with it. there’s no nsfw section for y’all because i didn’t pick up on that either, however there are four more piles for y’all to choose from!

❦— green eyes. this could be literal green eyes, but i felt more of an envious energy instead. surprise surprise the same people that hate on y’all’s relationship wish it could be theirs. people are jealous of what you’re getting with them, or “earning.” gifts and pretty things for being their spouse, it’s one of those dreams that everyone wants but only few have.

❦— king of wands. daddy warbucks himself, this person is for sure rich af. they’re someone with lots of power, lots of control, lots of fucking money lmao within their career. i don’t get that they’re ceo of wherever they work, but they have enough pull to take trips around the sun and bring you along too. “penthouse views” are included (obvi).

❦— honey. this person def has some seasoning to them, heavy dilf and silverfox vibes around their appearance. seeing a beard, low eyes, maybe even flannel shirts lmao. some of y’all have the twd cast (andrew lincoln, norman reedus, jeffrey dean morgan) and pedro pascal for face references. a rugged daddy basically😂

❦— cherries. maybe this is someone’s favorite fruit? this made me think of the tropics or places similar to the virgin islands. frequent flyer miles, traveling to visit warm beaches and clear coastal waters.

❦— hunter x chaser. this is such forty-year old energy lol it’s charming and that’s what they typically know best. your future spouse def got on your nerves with how much they kept hitting on you😂 not in a weird way, but in a way where they were intent on getting your name. i’m seeing phone number offers and warm smiles, crow’s feet around their eyes too. there is a sense of rejection here, but eventually you cave to their advances.

❦— 22. could be significant to y’all’s age gap, or maybe you’re this age at the time y’all meet. this number made me channel birthdays or special celebrations (anniversary, party, holiday etc). we’re aware of this person’s bank account lmao so it’s no surprise that they’re fond of spending whatever to throw the best whatever. “cover it all.” they’re the type to make things extra special and absolutely perfect for you, no matter the cost.

❦— awakening. this is in regards to you, how being with this person brought a rebirth that ultimately forced you to shed old skin. “Jesus.” major spiritual transitions, regardless of if you believe in higher power or not. this person is the catalyst to writing a new chapter of your life and thriving in it, you’ll be so powerful without the burden of dragging dead weight and opinions. ngl i don’t think your future spouse is meant to be longterm based on how important this transformation is for your story, i think you’ll realize that in the end. “it was fun while it lasted.” you’ll grow and reap your blessings.

end.❤️‍🔥 previous reading

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my friends I want to use they/them pronouns for a bad reason?

I (19F) am 100% a cis girl, but never really felt like I was "allowed" to be girly or feminine because of a lot of internal and external sexism and misogyny in my house growing up. No one ever really acknowledged the fact that I was a girl, unless it was in a negative sense. I was also homeschooled, so that made things worse because limited social interaction and stuff.

Now that I'm older and have a lot more connection with people through the internet, I'm a lot more comfortable with my identity and genuinely love being perceived as a girl. I understand the gender euphoria trans people feel when someone uses she/her pronouns for me. I also feel a hint of disappointment when people I don't know use they/them for me online (e.g. "prev knows their stuff").

With context out of the way, what actually happened was a few weeks ago. I went through a depressive episode, which came with the usual feelings of not ever deserving good things in life or happiness of any kind, and that no one cared/should care about me. As part of that, I withdrew from my friends for a couple days, leaving our discord server and blocking all of them (I know I shouldn't have done that, we worked it out). When I finally returned, I told them in vague terms that things were rough, I was a mess, and I wanted to start using they/them. I'm the only cis person in the group of 8 people so no one batted an eye about my request and just went along with it.

Here's where I might be the ah: the only reason I asked that is because I thought I didn't deserve to feel good about myself in any way, including my gender. My friends don't know I was asking them for help in basically punishing myself. I know if they'd known they would never go along with it. I also feel like an ah for using my privilege of being cis and having accepting friends to punish myself when there's real people in the world suffering because people refuse to gender them correctly.

Additional details that might be relevant: my friends are great, we met online about two years ago in a bigger server and grew closer and made our own small server not too long after. They know about my mental health issues and have helped me a lot. Almost everyone I know irl is transphobic and homophobic, so my reference for what is offensive and what isn't is kinda off. I still live with my family and they're by no means bad people. I'm also in the process of finding a therapist.

What are these acronyms?

[psychelis-new]

pick a pile: "You are..." - Loving and encouraging words for you

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to read some loving warm words about you. it's always nice to hear about our positive traits, right? here you can find yours and some encouraging words about your next steps/healing. keep going and take care of you! and also, be ready to let love in, you deserve it :)

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one pile, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

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1 2 3

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pile 1

You are sunny, cheerful, bright and warm. You're also pretty welcoming and you like to hug people or generally enjoy physical displays of affection. I think people like to be around you, you basically cheer up everyone and "set the mood for the evening" (I just heard that, IDK). You have a lovely smile, everyone is in awe with it and you in general; maybe you also have a particular way to laugh? Like you maybe make a strange sound, and everyone is fond of it. They love to make you laugh honestly just to hear it. I feel like you take emotional care of others and you may feel like a sip of fresh water to many. You're extrovert (or at least seem so in specific context), confident and you know exactly what to do or say to make the day of the people you are in contact with. I think you may share smiles with people on the street and even help them if they need (eg. like if they drop something you may pick it up for them, especially for older people or you may leave your seat to them). I think you are very funny and smart, and like to joke a lot. Okay for some of you you may have changed after something happened and keep this sunny side of you a bit hidden (or maybe you occasionally fear being judged about it, or you have been), but honestly I think you only need to reconnect with it and let it flow from you. It's hurtful when some things happen but it's also something that... just happens in life, sadly (I'm not trying to invalidate your experience/pain, at all). We don't have to let those negative things change us so much, especially if we still feel that flame/desire inside. I mean... don't feel guilty for being happy, if that's what you feel. You can be happy no matter what happened. You have to be happy. Find new ways for that happiness to flow within but reach it "and let it rain" out of you. Enjoy it, let it be there and help you heal what hurt as well, if you need. You can find new happiness anytime. New reasons to be happy, too. This is also true for the few of you who tend to hide pain behind a smile, pretending it's all good. Toxic positivity won't solve it, as avoiding problems. Be more balanced (maybe you were called by pile 2 as well) and accepting of what is wrong: it doesn't mean you let it take over you (ask for help if it's too scary), it means you're not being blind to it but you're listening to it and trying to make it better (ofc you can wear a smile while you do that, you totally have to! Healing happens also with taking breaks to enjoy life and hobbies/passions...). You are such a beam of light for everyone, confront your problems (if there's any) and then keep on shining!

song: chicken noodle soup | j-hope; wake me up before you go go | wham! (I channeled the first song while doing your reading, anyway the mood for you is: jitterbug!)

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pile 2

You are strong, pure and very special. You stand out, and honestly you don't even have to do much to stand out. I think it's your energy: it also has something healing for those that comes near you, something comforting. You should be more confident in yourself: maybe you also doubt about your looks or how you may be seen/perceived by others but honestly you have/are nothing less than anyone else. You are caring and have a good heart; maybe you have buildt some walls around yourself out of past traumas, and this is blocking you a little when it comes to sharing with others or creating deeper relationships. It's okay take your time to work through those walls. You have beautiful eyes, and maybe you like to look at others in the eyes too? I think you are also sincere, honest and humble, at times also to a fault: please do stand up for yourself when you need, and set your boundaries. You may also be a bit too strict on you, especially when you make some type of mistakes or something? Maybe it's the fear I mentioned in the beginning of being perceived as you're not or in a bad way, or maybe... at times you may be scared of your thoughts somehow. It's not just the anxiety you may get from them and how they may make you spiral so you tend to stop them (it's okay to do this and distract your mind when you start feeling overwhelmed, but please come back to those thoughts when you feel calmer: to avoid thinking about a problem won't help you solve it at all, it will come back stronger. And please ask for help if you need), but there's also something else. Remind yourself usually the first thought is what we learned, our instinctive first reaction to a situation (usually comes up to "protect us") while the second thought we have is the one that comes from the heart, it really expresses what we think with a calmer and more balanced mind. I mean, eg. let's say someone says they got something you always wanted and this triggers you: your first reaction could also be being envious of them and feel not enough compared to them and potentially say or think something negative/feel resentful or angry, but if you stopped and thought about it again, you may just be really happy for this person and see yourself as on a different path: your time will come too. Be more kind with yourself, more patient: you're unlearning a negative mental pattern and that's not easy, it will take time and practice and lot of patience. You are so lovely you have no idea, please try to see and show that yourself too.

song: a little bit yours | jp saxe (indeed come back to your core self and show yourself love, and accept it too; closing chapters, changing and unlearning stuff is hard, but you can make it)

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pile 3

You are multilayered. You have lovely rosey cheeks, people may want to squeeze them lol. You are sweet and cute, you probably are also a little shy or maybe you feel anxious in social settings and you may end up blushing a lot. You may also be stubborn occasionally (not too bad tbh) and can be determined or at least you reach good results in job/school. I think you tend to hide a part of yourself though or find it hard to deal with it/not like it. There's something you fear showing or that you don't want others to see about you, probably your pain, probably something from your past that you keep inside (also cause you can't accept/understand it -it could be abuse for someone, I hope you are safe now). Maybe you're also "scared"... of being loved/seen for real (having your "mask removed"?) or feeling vulnerable... Your energy feels younger or maybe just unexperienced in some fields or situations (maybe you also feel uncomfortable in some situations or you felt so in the past and you avoided joining them so now you feel a little behind maybe: honestly, there's nothing bad in this. You're not behind, you just did what was better for you and you still have time to make more experiences. You have all the time you need and want). I think there's indeed something about time here, it could be you are nostalgic about something that now you are missing/lacking, maybe feelings you could experience in your childhood, or you want to delete something from your past, or it could be that you fear running out of time, as mentioned, as you want to experience many things still but maybe you are scared you won't make it or you don't know where to start from. Just take a break: the moment you'll feel more grounded, it will come to you. Focus on taking care of you and also do take naps if you need and can. If it's about your childhood, eg. if people taught you have to "grow up" or have dimmed you in any way (or you had to, in order to gain their approval), remember you don't really have to forget about your inner child nor to be someone you're not. You can be an adult and still be in touch with your inner child. It's not that one thing excludes the other. And you can be yourself without any fear (it's hard to believe it but you won't be pushed away by everyone if you aren't as they wish). Maybe your inner child now really needs you to be closer to them, they need your appreciation and support, probably also after something you had to go through in your past: your inner child totally did great back then with all they had. Hug them and show them love. I think some of you may also love to work or be around children or pets as they may help you feel more in touch with your own inner child and more grounded. Again, be attentive to your needs, and meet them: maybe you were *unwillingly* taught you don't deserve that much (you had to accept crumbles in relationships) but it's not so, you deserve the moon: remember this. You're already perfect, there's nothing about you in your past or present that you need to fix, my love. Heal your fears about being yourself, receiving (love in particular) and don't run away from it, don't run away from yourself: you'll get all you wish for. Give it and yourself time. And, if you need this: it wasn't your fault, you were not responsible for that event/decision for which you feel like you were (and maybe you didn't even had to take). Whatever it was. You were trying to win the approval of someone who couldn't love you as you wished. Build boundaries around people (adults) and remember you are not responsible for them and what they do/their mistakes: you're not here to save them from anything. You have your own self and life to care about now.

song: heart attack | demi lovato