#and honestly I know blah blah internalized fat phobia I am AWARE okay
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so I did not get anything I wanted to done today, but I did manage to find ten years old pictures of myself and feel bad about my body enough to sign up for a gym class later today so there’s that
#personal#blurgleshutthefuckup#i just#like i look at my body and the way it was growing up#and first of all why was I so mean to her??? she was cute and very normal sized???#and then I’m like. how did THAT turn into THIS?#my fourteen year old self never imagined myself looking the way I do now and that’s just kind of a fucking bummer#and honestly I know blah blah internalized fat phobia I am AWARE okay#but It’s different when you’re the person who has to live in this body#and i want to try and get into shape again and lose the weight#but theres a part of me that is scared I’ll never get there so like why even try?#Bc it’s so hard to keep weight off#and idk man it’s so hard to take care of myself#and i know weight gain is natural but since starting college I know it’s a direct result of not taking care of myself#AHHHHHHHHHHH#anyway#I’m gonna go feed my cat
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