#and i know weight gain is natural but since starting college I know it’s a direct result of not taking care of myself

[blurglesmurfklaine]

so I did not get anything I wanted to done today, but I did manage to find ten years old pictures of myself and feel bad about my body enough to sign up for a gym class later today so there’s that

[alphajocklover]

Hey ! Recently, I've heard about a guy in my college, a young jock fresh from high school, that honestly acts very weirdly.

Apparently, his friends all went to local universities, while he moved all the way out to the capital, apparently in a bid to get some "elite" education. But that's not really weird, isn't it.

No, the weird thing starts at how he already acts like he's the king of uni, belittling everyone, including those like me who have been here for quite a few years, acting and even stating that he is the "alpha" of our department - as if such an outdated and so obviously false way of classifying people was even remotely correct. But then, he just goes around stating that he needs some "betas". Now, while I can imagine what they must be, those "yes-men" you see in movies accompanying the bully, I can't even begin to see how he wants to bring that to real life ! Especially since he's not in high school anymore !

Well, whatever. The real thing that creeps me out is how he seems to hang out near me weirdly often... Should that be cause for concern ?

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. I’ve only just seen your message. Hopefully there's still enough time for me to warn you. What you’ve met isn’t human. Not exactly. He’s… more.

Most teenage boys go through puberty with drastic changes. They shoot up, gain a bit of hair and possibly some muscle. Their voice deepens, and of course they get some… urges. It’s all very natural. But some teenage boys undergo a… startling transformation. They don’t just shoot up, they tower. They don’t gain a bit of hair, they grow bushes of it. Some shave it so that they can better show off their muscles, but most don’t. Muscle isn’t just possible for them, it’s inevitable. They’re bodies become beefy and hard, even without exercise, though most still become obsessed with lifting weights and getting even bigger. But what sets these boys, or rather these men, apart from the rest most are their urges. They don’t just feel the need to cum like most guys. They get the urge to dominate. The urge to show their power. The urge to fuck.

These men are what’s known as Alphas. And no, that’s not just some arbitrary classification. This isn’t some guy calling himself an alpha male because he’s an insecure Andrew Tate obsessed bitch. What you are dealing with is a real fucking Alpha. Once they were normal people like you or me, but something… awakened in them at some point. Usually during puberty, as I showed before, but it’s not impossible to have an Alpha discover his true self later in life. These men, if they can be called mere men, are bigger, stronger, more dominant than the average man. Much more dominant. So much so that the world seems to… bend to their will. I don’t know how they do it. Maybe they have some sort of special pheromones, or magic powers. But what I do know is when they want something, it just happens. If they want to be good at something, they just are. If they want to win at something, they just do. If they want the world, it’s served up to them on a silver platter with a protein shake.

And if they want you to be their Beta, you will be their Beta.

I’m not kidding. They can just.. change people. You’ve probably already seen some symptoms, in you and your friends. A sudden interest in fitness, in sports, in ‘bro culture.’ A strange growth spurt, the kind that really shouldn’t happen after puberty. An increased libido, a simpler vocabulary. And most of all, a great admiration for your Alpha. Not just admiration, a deep love. A need to do what he says, be what he says. Once those feelings start it’ll be too late to save you. Soon you’ll be nothing more than his Beta. Everything about you will revolve around what they want.

It’s not the worst fate in the world. Most people think that if a horny Alpha could do whatever they want to you, you’d end up a brainless sex doll. But more often than not what they really want is a bro. Or, more accurately, they want bros. Alphas are so competitive that they rarely are able to spend extended periods of time together. It’s like having two leaders of a pack. Eventually they end up locking horns. So they find, or rather make, Beta bros for them to hang out with. Big, but not as big as their Alpha. Sexy, but not hot enough to take any pussy away from the Alpha. Cool but not cool enough to take any attention away from the Alpha. There are some differences based on what the Alpha wants. Some Betas are stoners, some are jocks, some are surfers and some are skaters. It all depends on the Alphas personal aesthetic and taste. But Betas are all muscular, horny, hung, and completely subservient to their Alphas.

If you’re lucky, you can get out. Move somewhere far away, and forget about all of this. If you’re lucky the Alpha won’t care enough to go after you. You can keep your identity and sense of self intact.

But if you’re not lucky? If you’re too far under his influence? If your Alpha has taken a liking to you and won’t let you go? Well…

… be grateful you’re his Beta bro and not his Beta bitch.

**3 post in 2 days! I feel like I’m on fire! Guess I’m just very motivated to write recently. Anyways I hope you guys liked this one! Hope mentioning Andrew Tate wasn’t too political. I hate to let irl politics ruin my online fun. Enjoy!**

[scarybabe]

hi! this is a little rando but quite awhile ago you posted about each new fat cell you created sticking around forever and it’s been stuck in my head because we actually don’t make new fat cells as adults! the amount you create when your body is developing is the amount you have throughout your life :) ride or dies! so, you’re actually growing each fat cell that’s been in the blueprint of you since day one. pretty cute!! I believe that the fat cells in people with high body fat percentage replace themselves quicker when they reach the end of their lifespan than they do in people with less fat on their body. that’s partially why weight loss is harder the higher your starting point is. also, this may contribute to your ongoing struggles with easily gaining weight. if you weren’t overweight during early childhood development you simply have less fat cells to stretch. you might just not be predisposed to have a fat body…even though it looks so so good on you.

I know you didn’t ask for a biology lesson but hey, it’s your fat, you should know what’s up w it!

adore you <3 this is literally only anon because I’m shy ab my obsession w bellies. wishing you all the best always!

Huh, we actually do make new fat cells as adults though 🥲 Check out this research paper that confirms what I remembered from college (bachelors in bio). Human biology used to be one of my special interests 🥰

Also I totally had the same thought that because I was pretty slender up until college, gaining weight is way harder because I’m constantly working against a low natural set point of fat cells. I had always eaten pretty much whatever and maintained a low to mid of “normal” BMI (air quotes because bmi is BS)

In case you want to read! Here’s another article updated in 2022 - even more recent. You are partially right in the average person will have a somewhat constant number of fat cells our entire life, but actually the fat cell population is constantly dying and being regrown. The fat cell count is not constant because we have the same exact physical cells we grow and develop in adolescence - there is various rates of cell turnover (replacement).

This is also an interesting article about how how weight gain can affect fat cells! Research seems a little contradictory but logically from what I know about cell biology/the anatomy of the cell, it make more sense for the fat cell count to be elevated above normal if someone gains a significant amount (ex. double or triple starting weight)

[thestarryeyedadmirer]

I came into Art School thinking that it’d be a walk in the park. I mean, I’ve been making art my entire life — painting, sculpting, printmaking, and working with wood for as long as I can remember. Not to brag… but, I’ve won so many awards for my work, my parents had to buy an entire storage unit for me, just to have somewhere to store all of my accolades. I’ve even been recognized on a national level for some of my pieces. The things that many of my peers are only now learning how to do in college, I’ve been doing as mere hobbies for most of my life… and, I’d like to think that I’ve mastered them… so, it was only natural for me to come into my first year of university operating under such an ignorant assumption.

When it comes to school, I usually don’t have a hard time being successful. My academic records and transcripts speak for themselves. In all my years of education, I’ve never gotten a grade lower than a B, not even once, and I’ve been a Top Scholar since second grade. I’m good at juggling my responsibilities — making ample time for studying, doing and turning in my homework assignments earlier than I need to, acing every test, and racking up the hours of extracurricular activities — but, this semester, I’m having some trouble focusing in my Art History class… just the one class… and it’s not for any reasons that you may be thinking.

See… I have this professor — Professor Pascal — who teaches my Art History course… and when the year began, he was already about six months pregnant. I’m talking belly popping out underneath his shirt, outie navel as big as a doorknob, chest all puffy and leaky, feet so swollen that he can only wear Crocs and open-toed shoes in class, constantly moody and complaining about his body aches, binge eating in class, and too foggy-headed to maintain a straight line of thought pregnant. Like… pregnant, pregnant. Extremely pregnant. The man is at least forty-five years old… which is concerning on its own… and he’s as big as a house.

To make matters worse, he always wears clothes that he bought before he got knocked up — before he started to gain weight, and his belly began to swell — and they’re so obiously tiny and uncomfortable. Sweaters that are meant to be loose, stretched past their limits and tucked into his pants, to cover his massive stomach. Button-downs that pop open several times during lectures, exposing his hairy, bloated torso to hundreds of students at once. Suit jackets that don’t accommodate for the extra weight that he may have gained. Khakis that hug him so tight that they look like a second layer of skin. Underwear that peeks over the waistband of his bottoms, rides up his butt crack, and shows off a visible outline of his engorged genitals.

He so pregnant that it’s honestly hard to ignore. You know how, usually, when someone’s expecting, you can just acknowledge it and move on… most times, without things being weird or awkward? Well… it’s not like that with Professor Pascal. Not for me, at least. I just can’t stop staring at his belly in class… thinking about it. It takes up so much space in my mind, I think it may be making me… dumb.

No matter what the subject of his lectures are, what assignments he may have us doing for the week, or how many pages of notes that I take, I can’t stop gawking at it… curious. It’s like, I can’t see anything else, or hear anything. The huge whiteboard and padded, sound-reflective walls behind him fade into a plain, flat backdrop… and his words slowly turn to gibberish. I get tunnel vision… stop taking notes, and everything. I can’t retain any information… and then I have to cheat on my homework, my quiz grades drop… then my test scores, and then, my GPA. It’s a slippery slope.

I’ve never, not once in my life, had an overall letter grade lower than a B… but, in Professor Pascal’s Art History course, I’m going through the semester with a C+.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me… or what I can do to improve my grade. He doesn’t offer extra credit, or accept late work. He says that his class is “too easy for anyone to fall that far behind”… and yet, here I am, with a C+.

It’s just… when I’m sitting in that lecture hall — in the very first row of seats — that tunnel vision sets in, and I start to daydream. I… I fantasize about him coming down from his low-rise stage and walking up to me. He picks me, out of a crowd of nearly three hundred people, even though my hand isn’t raised, and presents me with a question regarding the curriculum… something that I’m supposed to know the answer to. Of course, I fumble the response… and, as he’s standing in front of me, waiting impatiently for me to come up with even a single sentence that makes sense, his button-down shirt bursts open, and his beautiful belly spills out, hitting my face like a fuzzy airbag. Next thing you know, I’ve lost control of my tongue, and I’m slurping at his navel as though a life-giving nectar is going to leak out of it… or something like that… in front of everyone — just making a sloppy mess of saliva on my professor’s pregnant belly.

It’s sick… I know. Maybe I’m disturbed, or there’s something wrong with me. Maybe I’m a freak… but I just can’t control it. The fantasy is too good. All I know is that, for the first time in my entire academic career, I’m falling behind… and, the worst part about it is that I can’t pin the blame on Mr.Pascal for being a shitty professor, or make the claim that he’s harboring some deep-seeded hatred for me. My poor grade is all my fault… and I have to live with that.

[asteria7fics]

How about the main five bodytypes (ewily) after college in their mid 20's or early 30's?

I'm curious on how they would grow, change and look as adults in ewily :)

Oooh you want spoilers, eh? (˵ ¬ᴗ¬˵)

I may not go as in depth as I did in the last post because I'd like to leave a few things for future works, as I would like to explore the EWILY boys as they age!

Also, fair warning this will contain some pretty major spoilers for the end of EWILY. If you haven't gotten caught up yet PLEASE read the fic first? It's so much more fun when these things haven't been spoiled for you!

As always, you can read EWILY here!

Anyway, let's get into it!

Stan: Brother gets his shit mostly together post high school. I won't explain too heavily as to why, but he does start working out again and trying to take care of himself, so he does build some muscle definition back. It isn’t a terribly sustainable lifestyle for him, so he does soften again into this thirties, but man his body in his twenties? Still pretty average actually, just with less of a gut and more muscular legs and arms. He never really gets super buff or anything.

Kyle: Definitely gets comfortable and gains some happy weight in his early twenties, then fights for the next decade to shave it off. Sorry king, that’s what happens when you’re in a committed relationship. Eventually he just accepts that he won’t ever have his abs back, though he still remains otherwise pretty lean into his thirties. Just a naturally thin guy.

Cartman: Now he’s a special case, because BIG SPOILERS FOR CHAPTER 14!!! He goes to fucking prison for a few years. Does he get totally ripped lifting weights in the yard with his fellow skinheads? Absolutely not, he’s still gaming the system to get the best snacks, but he does lose a lot of his baby fat while in custody. He comes out like a proper bear, still round and soft but a little tighter, a little more toned. His arms especially, saying goodbye to the bingo wings. How long does this last? Er, a couple of months, though his girlfriend definitely feeds him healthier food than his mom ever did, so he doesn’t really ever get back to how large he was as a teenager. But yeah, post-prison Chad Cartman is still a big boy, as God intended.

Kenny: Similarly to Kyle, the comfort of a semi-functional relationship (and his eventual choice to drop the vigilante stuff in favor of a job that makes more consistent money. Did you know he made money off that stuff? An EWILY detail left on the cutting room floor, RIP) encourages him to gain a few happy pounds, especially in his tummy. He still works out, probably with Stan and Kyle for a while, but isn’t trying so hard to get them gains. And, of course, having consistently delicious, home cooked meals from your boyfriend will add a few inches to your waistline. I think Kenny probably puts on weight the fastest into his thirties, and he really embraces the chubby lifestyle after being basically emaciated his entire childhood.

Butters: He doesn’t have to try, he stays thin. He’s eating all the same food Kenny eats and yet, Kenny’s the only one gaining substantial weight. Well, Butters does gain weight, and his ass and legs start to fill out a bit as he gets older and works some physical jobs (waiter Butters is canon I’m afraid), but he otherwise doesn’t change that much as he gets older. Tall twink forever.

Hehehe I hope these suffice! I had a little more fun with these ones, since we already have a jumping off point from the previous post.

Thank you for this ask!! As always, let me know if there’s anything else you guys would like to know about these idiots!!

[dailycharacteroption]

Retrograde Revision 3: Archivist

(art by suomar on DeviantArt)

Another case of bards in name only, today we’re looking at an archetype that is essentially a librarian.

Described as being “bards that eschew the dramatic aspects of their training”, that need not necessarily be the case, as archivists could easily have gained their arcane/occult magic by studying the body of work under their care rather than having gone to any bardic college.

Either way, they are still associated with academia, and may have a personal history as a scholar first.

The badass librarian has been a thing in recent decades, so whether they are archivists or scientists doing field work, these brilliant minds can prove how effective their stores of knowledge are both on and off the battlefield.

This archetype feels like a first pass at a non-loremaster knowledge-based character, the sort of thing that would evolve later into the overall vibe of the investigator class, so it’s interesting to see where it got it’s start.

Rather than inspire bravery in others, archivists instead focus on providing running commentary and guidance on how to fight the creatures they and their allies are currently facing. While they have to identify them first, doing so gives their allies an offensive and defensive buff against them as they point out vulnerabilities and limitations in the subject’s attack and defense.

Whether it be supernatural boredom or the sheer crushing weight of their focus on minutiae, these archivists can wax technical on a subject to daze or confuse those under the effects of one of their “fascinating” lectures (how fascinating they actually are may vary.” Later on, they can even affect whole crowds this way.

Predating the skald ability of the same name, these archivists know so much that they are true lore masters, able to recall incredible amounts of information on a topic a few times per day.

Additionally, their magical lore makes them better suited to identifying magic items, disabling magical traps, and recognizing magical runes in time to better brace themselves against their effects.

Furthermore, they also demonstrate proficiency with all skills, which only grows over time.

More powerful archivists are so knowledgeable that they can predict a possible outcome and occasionally take the most average result on any sort of activity, including when attacking and resisting, which can be useful in an emergency.

The archivist, with it’s eventual ability to treat every single skill as a class skill, as well as taking 10 often and 20 a few times per day at a low level, has the potential to be the arguably best skill monkey in the game. The base combat performance providing both an offensive and defensive buff against identified foes is also very nice, though the ability to daze or confuse foes that are already fascinated is of dubious unsability, since most situations in which you’d fascinate, you’re trying to avoid combat, and it’s not clear how confusion and daze work in regards to keeping people fascinated when they might start punching each other. Beyond that, however, I recommend spell and feat choices that help you have an at least partial answer to any situation you come across. Damage spells with a variety of types, utility spells, debuffs, buffs, you name it.

The nature of their ability to debuff foes they fascinate might give some the assumption that they are boring or dry lecturers, but that doesn’t have to be the case. It could be that their passionate diatribes are simply bewildering to others, and you can certainly portray them as being passionate about many a subject.

A mystic prank goes wrong when a bookish student cast a forbidden spell to get back at his classmates, and now they are all stuck inside a demiplane centered around the most popular tabletop board game in the school. Experienced adventurers are needed to enter the game’s world, master the rules, and rescue the students.

Palanz Whisperwind has never seen any of the monsters he’s spent his whole life studying. In need of a change of pace, he hires a party of adventurers to escort him on this field study. Putting up with his incessant droning and condescending attitude may drive the party up the wall, though.

The secret name of Falrax, the demon lord of night, is hidden in the secret archives of the Library of Thoumous Rang. Getting to the repository, however, will prove difficult, as the gynosphinx archivist Written Conundrum is loath to allow the ignorant and uninitiated to touch her tomes, even if the fate of the world is on the line.

[escapismkidnappedme]

When I was 12, I got my period. It scared me. I thought I was dying.

Naturally, I told my mother. If I was dying, I was going to spend every last breath designing my funeral to be the best funeral a twelve-year-old could have.

She simply replied "You're a woman, now." as I was given a box of pads and the discussion of what to do began. It was simple, unceremonious, and any questions I had were answered in the best way a parent raised in shame could speak to their child who simply did not understand why it was shameful, could. I only knew not to bother my dad about it because he wouldn't know where to begin on the subject.

The only question that couldn't be answered satisfactorily was 'Why am I a woman?' I was told the biological reasonings, the theological explanation, an explanation of my past of wearing dresses and having a predisposition for liking the color pink- despite my favorite color being blue since my birth, and the explanation of how my body would change next.

My hips would grow in, my chest would no longer be flat, I would have to start shaving my legs and armpits, I would soon be policed on every way my body presented. Short of illness, I could no longer talk to my mother about my body.

Eating no longer became an act of indulgence but rather an activity to be avoided at all costs. My father would laugh at how little my mother ate, not knowing what was drilled into her as a teenager. I sat across the table and decided that I would eat to enjoy food, unknowingly treating mealtimes as a replacement for the comfort I once felt in my family.

Bulimia came as I felt like it was my way of fighting back. I could eat whatever I wanted as long as I threw up more than I put in. I gained weight anyways. I became fearful of carbs, terrified of sugar, and reliant on coffee to keep myself thin. Vegetables were fine, but only if others heard my stomach growl to the point that it was making them uncomfortable.

My body was no longer my own. It had simply been loaned to me in my childhood until I was old enough to pay for it in my teenage years. I could have it back when I was an adult and proved I wanted it enough.

In high school, I hoped the reasons I felt so disconnected from my body was because I was transgender. The hatred of my own breasts had to be from dysphoria. I never wanted them. I never felt an internal urge to 'be' a woman, despite my biological leanings, so it must be that I was a man.

In college, I changed my name. I began to go by masculine pronouns. I became policed as a man rather than as a woman, and still I was treated like an idiot blonde. My hair was criticized for being too long, then for being too short. I was policed for not having enough body hair, but hated how prickly my legs felt whenever I skipped shaving.

I entered my first long-term relationship where I was policed for not being masculine enough. I was constantly told that when I got on testosterone, I would finally have a libido. I was treated as a 'work in progress' that would be loved as soon as I was done working on myself, rather than for the person I was.

I was treated as eye candy while I replaced the comfort one should feel in a relationship with food. Carbs became my respite. I gained weight. In two years, I gained eighty pounds.

When I finally stopped having sex out of coercion, I was cheated on. Once I found out, I broke it off and moved out a little under a month later. I went back to college, broke down and shaved my legs, and finally let my hair grow out. For some odd reason, my breakdown manifested in the foods I ate. I could only have a specific salad I make from the dining hall's salad bar because it meant I was in control of the portion.

I lost the first ten pounds that month, earning myself the allegation that I was on diabetes medication, and when the next ten came off, I earned the allegation that I did cocaine.

I'm still repairing my relationship with food, and still trying to find my perfect label that encapsulates how I want to present myself to the world, but all I've learned is that I have no interest in following strict social codes to identify as any particular gender correctly. Simply put, I am myself. However I choose to present is how I think my clothes would look best. If it means looking like what people perceive as a man, or if it looks like what people perceive as a woman, then it is their job to decide. As for my body, I view it the same way I view a car. I'm in it, I can adorn it, but as long as everything is working properly, I don't really care for comments about it.

[awaitingfall]

07.22.24

136.4

Crazy how it only took me 3 days to gain back the same amount of weight that took me 2 weeks to lose 😮‍💨 I really shouldn’t have smoked yesterday cuz I instantly got the munchies and started eating too late into the afternoon. I also ate almost an entire package of Tate’s cookies on our picnic we went on yesterday, AND my bf talked me into getting gelato on Saturday and we both ate too much of that 😭 I gotta be better on my period. I even told myself I’d regret all these choices when the day to finally weigh again came, but then I told myself “it’s the last day before I start my routine again, I deserve a treat” 🥲 I wish I had thought harder about the consequences.

So now my goal for this week is to get back to 133, and then if that goal is reached, my next goal will be 131 by the end of next week. AND THEN HOPEFULLY by the end of August/beginning of September I’ll be somewhere in the mid-120’s 🤞🏻

I had called out sick from work this past Thursday and the other girls ended up having to leave early anyways because there wasn’t enough work to do, I’m hoping there will be something for us to do today. OH! Speaking of work, I went to the mall on Friday with my mom to help her pick out a new pair of glasses and I mentioned to the girl that was helping us that I used to be the lab tech at the other glasses place in the mall and she offered me part-time work there cuz she ended up being the sales manager. I thought at first she was just saying that to be nice, but then she said it again as we were leaving. So that’s really cool I have a back up/side gig option if I feel like money is getting a little tight. I do miss working closer to home, but if I quit my current job that I really wanted to get back, then I’d only be working part-time and that definitely wouldn’t be enough money coming in. Maybe I can see about working part-time in the winter? Friday-Sunday, especially since I don’t do anything on the weekends in the winter time. I’ll just hustle a little to save up for a house and a trip to Japan (finally) 😌

My bf and I have been considering moving to Japan temporarily, especially with the way the US been actin’ up lately. He at least has some sort of an in, though, cuz the company he works for is a Sake brewery with their main headquarters in Japan, so he could tell them he’s interested in working for the main brewery and spending time there and they’d probably send him in a heartbeat. They like that shit. One of their requirements for the job was to be interested in Japan and Japanese culture. So they’d probably be so excited to hear that one of the American employees wants to experience life over there. Only thing is, idk if they’d also send me. I highly doubt it, so I’d have to come up with my own visa. I could get a student visa. I’ve been trying to learn Japanese since 2016 when I took elementary Japanese in college, but it’s been a struggle trying to self study since then. I know basics, but the speaking part is difficult for me because I have no one to practice with so I stutter and take way too long to think of the sentences before I try to speak. Just doesn’t flow naturally. So studying in Japan would be a great opportunity to get better. Only problem is I wouldn’t be bringing in any money 🥲 so idk. Plus we have our cat that we need to consider cuz I also don’t want to put her under so much stress traveling so far and long like that. Plus they have that animal quarantine and all her documents have to be sent over super far in advance. So yeah, it’s just a lot to take care of. It wouldn’t be as stressful if we didn’t have her, but our life wouldn’t be the same without her so I’m, grateful for my Chichi baby 🥹💕

(I can hear my bf playing one of those YouTube live Coffee shop jazz videos upstairs while he’s drinking his morning coffee lol he used to make fun of me for playing that as background noise in the morning, but he’s come to enjoy it now)

Okay! Today will be a great day! I already started on the right path by waking up at 5, then meditating, exercising, showering, and journaling. Now I’ve gotta feed my cat, feed myself, and get ready for a good day at work 😤

[gayestcowboy]

hey this may be a weird question so feel free to never answer but how did you go about gaining weight? you're so happy with it and i think it may be for me too but i wouldn't know the first step towards that happiness so,,

i’m gonna be so honest it just happened naturally when i went on testosterone. i didn’t drastically change my diet or exercise, if anything i ended up getting more exercise from walking all over my campus (i started t before i started college), and i definitely need to eat more than i used to, but nothing drastic. it’s just how my body reacted to having more testosterone. i didn’t expect it at all going into it, although i’m very glad it happened, but some people lose weight on hrt and some people dont have a weight change ag all, it just depends on the person. since i did literally nothing to gain weight other than hrt, and obviously i have no idea whether hrt is something you even remotely want to do, and hrt isn’t even a guarantee your weight will change at all, i cant do much other than share my own experience 😭 but i wish you luck in whatever you end up doing, and i hope you enjoy your body!

and this might be a weird answer, but if you feel comfortable, you could always try poking around in a weight gain fetish community somewhere online. it’s not really something i’m into so i can’t say whether or not anything will come from it, but i know it exists and it’s a group of people who know how to gain weight, and i’m sure some of them post about how they do it. i won’t give out any more medical advice on tumblr, and i hesitate to ask if anyone else has any advice, but i’m sure the very best thing you could do is talk to a medical professional about it, and just make sure to take good care of your body no matter how much you weigh. weight and health will never measure your worth as a person, but you should always try and take care of your body as best you can. and eat your veggies 👍

[amnotaqueen]

Hints Of His True Narcissistic Nature

Although he put on a great charismatic, friendly show of himself with my family at my family gathering, there were indeed tell-tale signs of his true Narc nature.

Like when my uncle told him that I look really good. My husband's response was 'Because of ME.' He thinks that he is the cause of me improving my diet. Any compliment I received, he tries to steal the glory from me. Many husbands might say something like, 'Yeah, I know. She's been putting in that work and eating right.' But not a narc like my husband. Everything like praise and compliments, they try to attribute to themselves. He did the same thing a couple of years ago when someone complimented me on my hairstyle. 'Girl, everybody likes your hair,' I was told. Before I could get a word in, my husband blurted, 'I told her to get that hairstyle.' He has to be the center of attention.

Also, there is the fact that he looks for what is wrong with everyone. Everyone has a problem or defect that he has to point out, but never does he acknowledge his own defects. He expressed dismay at how my other uncle had let himself go. He used to be more muscular and in shape. Now he is out of shape. He doesn't account for the fact that 10 years has passed since he first met my uncle or for the fact that my uncle has a health issue he's dealing with. My husband very superficially harps on who has gained weight all the time.

Then, there was the conversation he had about my uncle's son who graduated from college but hasn't done anything with his degree. He asked him if he had started working in his area of education. No. It was explained that because he doesn't have experience, only a degree, he was unsuccessful at finding a job. Most people would graciously leave off the topic so as to allow others to save face a little bit. But not my Narc husband. He kept trying to solve my cousin's problem because on his mind my cousin is a loser who could benefit from his superior intellect. My uncle tried to change the subject and succeeded for a few moments until my husband tried to re-open the topic. He can be obliviously and irritatingly obnoxious.

While in conversation with my female cousin, he commented on a picture she was showing us, saying that She had put weight back on. As if she didn't know. He did the same to my dad, who for health reasons put on weight. Telling him he had gained weight, as if he didn't know. Very rude. Something a child without manners would do. 'You got big.' Really?

So in between his charm and friendliness, there were glimmers of narcissism shining through.

[blossomingtoanewme]

My fear of romantic relationship

I think I'm afraid of change. I've always have been and this stemmed from my father walking out of my life at a young age. However, I'm starting to realize that it's more than just change I fear.

I think I have a fear of being in relationships. I'm 21 and have never been in a relationship, held hands romantically, or even had my first kiss. It's not like I didn't have a desire to be dating. I've had plenty of crushes and downloaded a few dating apps but the ending is always the same. I swipe and get matches then get too anxious to reply back. On the occasions I do, I carry the conversation and truly try to get to know them. Last year I had my first ever date planned and he never ended up showing up. He texted last minute to tell me he couldn't make it. I was already dolled up in the city patiently waiting.

I always hated things I couldn't control and I hated inconsistency. I was always the observer. The second someone behavior changed I would notice it. I think maybe this came from my anxiety? But I have only now realized that the only consistent thing about myself is my self-hatred. I had been so consumed with anxiety ever since I started university. I went from being underweight to gaining weight. I hated how much my appearance had changed. Although it was something that came naturally and I couldn't control it made me feel worse. Even though I was never fat I felt like it. I thought I had to put my life on hold until I lost the weight. I didn't love myself.. I mean I couldn't because I didn't like the way I look. I never felt like I was worthy of being loved or being in a relationship. I thought that if I hated myself this much that everyone else must too. It didn't make it better that growing up I was a late bloomer. I was bullied in elementary school. I was the weird kid who liked the color pink and winx club. At the time that wasn't the cool thing. It wasn't until my junior year of high school I started to grow into my features. I started to get attention from guys which was new. I was so use to only getting attention from them when I was bullied that anytime a guy liked me I thought he was joking. He had to be right cause they always were back in middle?

Now that college is ending soon, I realized that life is out of my control. I started to workout because I'm so tired of hating myself. I wore a dress for the first time in my life. I have yet to put myself out there and download dating apps again. I think it's because I'm afraid of what will happen once I meet someone? I also dont feel ready so I dont know. I dont know If anything I wrote makes sense. im just venting.

[suffersuffergirl]

Nobody asked but here's my Ed backstory. Growing up I was a pretty skinny kid, but I was always super tall for a girl (5'10" in seventh grade) so I felt super huge even though my bmi was OK. After moving to the USA I naturally gained a whole lot of weight and then covid fucked me up even more to the point where I weighed a whopping 210 pounds. This was when I was around 15?? I discovered Ed Tumblr then and started being super calorie conscious. I felt fat (I was), I felt sad (I was), and everyone around me told me I should lose weight. Well, I did. I lost so much that my mom became concerned and started force feeding me and threatened to send me to an institution if I lost more weight . Which is insane BTW, I weighed 155 pounds at the time which is NOT LOW. But because I couldn't starve anymore, I began to purge my meals which evolved into full blown bulimia. I was throwing up five times a day at my worst. Naturally I gained weight !! And it made me feel horrendous. I wanted to be thin so bad. Which leads up to now. I'm trying to curb my bulimic tendencies because BP ING makes me feel worse than starving does. I'm in college right now so nobody here knows about my eating disordered past. I can starve in peace, and I have been. I'm the thinnest I've been since I was 13 . I've also started my medical transition and pass as male if I don't speak about 75% of the time. All in all I'm in it to win it this time, I will reach my ugw no matter what.

[siriuslytproblem28]

tw: discutions of body image, food, b0dychecking and disordered eating?

ok since this is almost a journal for me, i need to vent abt something that i couldn't absolutely talk to anyone: i think i might have developed a tiny bit kind of disordered eating habits??? unintentionally

i mean, i feel like this is an exaggeration but i don't know how to call it...

for context, I'm a 20yo cis woman, though i question my gender every now and then, and I've spent my whole life being very thin, which started bothering me as i grew up and wanted to have more curves and fit into femine steryotypes of what a woman should look like. my body was always a small insecurity but i really didn't care that much untill the past few years. i started avoiding wearing clothes that showed how small my thighs and butt were, never wore leggings, but that was basically it. then, as i grew into my late teens and early adulthood, i gained a little bit of weight naturally, my boobs grew bigger, even though it never got to my lower body bc of genetics, i think.

i never really had a super flat stomach bc i sometimes struggle with bloating, and that never bothered me untill the past 2 or 3 years. when i noticed that i had gained a little weight i was really happy bc it's something that i wished would happen for so long, and i even tried to start working out at home to try get muscle. i tried to grow my lower body but trained inconsistent so didn't change much. i also tried to train my core to have a stronger but mainly flatter stomach, which also didn't do much since I wasn't training regularly. that went on until early this year, with me being generally ok with my body but recently uncomfortable with my belly. this caused me to start sucking in a lot since i mostly wear crop tops, avoiding tight dresses which i already did bc of lack of butt and hip dips, to the point in which i wore shapewear under a tight dress, and mind you, i had bloating but like a regular person, i didn't look pregnant or anything, i was still a thin person, only slightly bigger than before. I think i some point then i must have developed a tiny body image distortion, cause sometimes i saw myself as almost fat (I'm gonna highlight again the fact that i was still skinny, barely on my healthy bmi but still close to a low weight), but i was still eating mostly healthy. i did consume processed foods which is almost inevitable in my current situation but tried to balance them with healthier options, and i ate enough, sometimes even a little more when i was training, still under a healthy amount.,

but then, this year, i started going to college regularly, and since I study theater, we spent a lot of time on campus sometimes even a whole day, for weeks... since i started being away from home for so long, i started changing my eating habits a little...

at first, sometimes i didn't have much time to have breakfast so i only ate a little (later in the year i would leave without any at all, and mind you, i have low blood pressure and i ALWAYS loved eating breakfast), at lunch, i sometimes didn't wanna eat till i was satisfied either cause i would bloat (and this is when i started wearing lower rise jeans and didn't wanna be with a belly) or bc i have fast metabolism and didn't wanna have to use the bathroom to, yk... (which i started being more comfortable with later in the year), i sometimes went the whole afternoon without eating (which, again, is so weird for me bc I'm the type of person who needs food every 3 to 4 hours), and would only have dinner at home, after like 7 to 11 hours after my last meal, or sometimes at the college earlier but still eating less than i normally would. i also begun to feel self conscious about the amount that i ate, even if it was normal, i realized that my friends all seemed to eat less so i begin serving less food or not eating all of what i served. i didn't realize much of this as it was happening, but it got to other places of my life: before going to parties i would drink teas to reduce my bloating and not eat much before going out to have a flatter stomach. still not noticing that i had all those bad habits. when i was at home, at weekends or days off, i ate regularly like i did before.

besides all this, the quality of what i ate also got worse. i would replace meals with snacks, sometimes higher in calories to make up for the time that i hadn't been eating but so much worse in nutrients, which was more time convenient or was what was available, and also cheaper.

one thing that probably contributed to this, was that i started having a much more active lifestyle. i was closer to being sedentary before, and this year i walked and ran soo much, i was having pratical classes in which we moved for hours, so i burned off more calories.

all of this only stroke me when i weight myself one day, 1 or 2 months ago, after i realized my stomach was in deed smaller and some of my pants and skirts looked bigger on me, and i felt more comfortable wearing low rise jeans, and simultaneously more insecure abt my small butt and thighs, that had gotten even smaller. so i went to weight myself and realized i had lost like 5/6 kg in like 4 months, i wanna say? which isn't a lot, but even at my highest weight i was still very skinny. then suddenly, couple of weeks ago i started seeing myself much skinnier than i had seen before . when last year i thought i was so much bigger, more average than earlier, them went to not really realizing i was losing weight, last week it just downed on me that i am looking like i did when i was in my early teens in terms of body fat and muscle. my boobs are still bigger bc i only got them later and they're mostly mammary glands than fat, and obviously i look like a young woman, but i started seeing my chest bones years after saying goodbye to them, also my clavicles and my shoulder bones look so prominent, my ribs never stopped showing but theyre more visible now, and as i said, my legs got skinnier and the tiny butt i had went away, and finally the point of my whole disturbance here: i got a much flatter stomach, I don't even seem to be bloating that much. i have a little more fat, like a tiny pouch which i think it's due to my poor choices in food recently, but my waist is smaller, i was certain when i measured myself.

so, my big thing here is that i hate how my body looks now, even if it isn't that big of a change, but i feel like my progress in weight gain was lost, and i feel like i look kind of sick, idk, i feel the effects on my health, i get sick more often, i get dizzy and nauseas a lot more than before, and i started bruising very easily which didn't happen before. i haven't done a blood draw to see how my actual levels of vitamins, colesterol and everything else is since i got to this pattern of unhealthy habits so idk how bad it actually might have turned to...

the obvious thing here would be to change my habits, start eating more and healthier, start actually exercing and since i do love food and don't have a bad relationship with eating itself, all this weight loss was unintentional and it makes me uncomfortable that i allowed this to happen to myself, but there's one small problem here: i adore how my waist looks. it's so very conflicting that i think i look uglier this skinny but also am kind of impressed by how small my waist is and do really enjoy it. I don't wanna lose this. Don't want it to grow bigger. ik this isn't a healthy thought but I can't control it. (btw I don't have access to therapy rn🫠) i

honestly, i think that if i didn't think the other parts of my body looked bad bc of the weightloss I wouldn't even consider changing my habits bc i would be loving my flat belly and that would be the only focus.

I'm starting my summer vacation now so I'll stay mostly at home, which probably will make me eat better and will try to exercise for a stronger body since this is really useful even for my classes, but I'm scared of not looking like i want to look, or not liking it when i get to a higher weight. i don't fear gaining, i really want to, but I don't wanna get a big stomach. since I don't have many curves i feel like having a tiny waist makes the illusion of bigger hips and i feel genuinely so much better with the way my stomach looks rn, i started wearing clothes that i could never only a couple months ago.

i had never experienced a weight loss, since my body took years to gain something it just always stayed like that, and i didn't realize it happening, which scares me to think about. i also don't understand how i want to gain healthy weight but also feel a little mesmerized by how skinny i look, how close to some girls that are used for inspiration in 3d forums i ended up looking. i know a lot abt 3d content on the internet bc i have a best friend who struggled with it and it kinda became a hyper fixation for me every once in a while. whenever i saw something abt it i would devour the content and it would make me feel a little bad about myself but i wouldn't act upon it. i knew it wasn't healthy for me as a "healthy" person to see that kind of content, but sometimes i saw something that really triggered me and so i went and seeked more of it, can't explain why...

yeah so idk what to do now, and if I'm being super dramatic here or what, I don't wanna mention this to my friends cause most of them hace struggled with real 3ds and serious stuff and I don't even know what is it with me...

can someone give me a clue? does anyone ever been through this or knows wtf is going on...

[lilmisadventure]

12 years later...

I didn’t know Tumblr still existed, so I logged in today for the first time in 12 years, simply to view and save Disney content from disneybound.co. When I viewed my prior posts and bio, I considered deleting the blog.

When I started it, I was 20-21 years old and struggling with my weight. I looked to fitspo and thinspo images here to inspire a new look. Being so short, weight gain didn’t look good on me, but neither did being thin.

Now, I have a teenage sister struggling with her weight, and I don’t know what to do except tell her I’ve been there too. I don’t want her to see this tumblr and think I condone it; I just want her to know I can relate.

I’ve been on both sides. As a teenager, I read interviews from Tyra and others who had gained weight. Everyday, I would eat rice, bread, and drink smoothies that were supposed to help me gain weight, but they only exacerbated my lifelong stomach issues. My stomach would protrude, while the rest of my body was tiny. So when people called me skinny, I didn’t see it, and I definitely didn’t feel it.

At the age of 20, I finally gained weight, but my round face made it look much bigger than it was. There was no winning for me when it came to weight, so I decided to do an extreme diet, losing more than 10 pounds in 2 weeks. I ate a 500 calorie diet, exercised twice a day, and walked everywhere on campus.

When that happened, something in my mind switched and I became addicted to the hunger pangs and ability to feel my ribs. It became hard to eat without thinking, “Will I become fat again?” I read nutrition labels religiously and exercised whenever I could.

One day, while working at my first job out of college, I walked past a mirror and saw my size 00 leg was nearly the same size as my arm. I hated it. I knew my lifestyle was no longer going to work.

I read more and more about food and using it as medicine. I started eating organic and natural foods that our ancestors would recognize. I realized my stomach issues were tied to gluten and removed it from my diet. For the first time in my life, I was at a weight I enjoyed, with a flat stomach (and also for the first time in my life, regular bowel movements).

Eventually, I swung too far that way and became obsessed with making sure I was only eating good ingredients. I was no longer having fun.

In 2016, at the age of 26, I watched the show Fit to Fat to Fit. I realized how mentally and emotionally harmful it was to be so strict. Since then, my relationship with food has been healthy for me. Sure, in the past few months I got diagnosed with an ulcer and gastritis, but I have been able to handle it.

I can handle anything that comes my way when it comes to my body and food. I just want my teenage sister to feel the same. That’s all I can say about that. I have a new chapter in my life to begin.

[pinerarena]

Chipmunk face

Chipmunk face how to#

In some cases, overdeveloped masseter muscles can make the face fuller. Masseter muscles are one out of four muscles that aid in chewing, and they are between the cheeks and jaw. For instance, some people may have slim bodies but have a “babyface,” like Selena Gomez. However, some people may naturally have larger cheeks because their face naturally stores more fat around the cheeks. The growth of facial fat may be from gradual weight gain, with the face slowly getting puffier, fuller, and rounder. Facial FatĬhipmunk cheeks could come from facial fat if there is also fat in the neck, under the chin, and jowls. Some people may experience facial bloating from a condition, while some foods and drinks can trigger facial bloating due to salt. It often depends on what underlying issue is causing the bloating. Typically, facial bloating fluctuates throughout the day. Some people may only have chipmunk cheeks because of facial bloating, while others may have it due to facial fat. Facial Bloating, Facial Fat, or Masseter Muscles?īefore you decide on what kind of treatment you want, you have to figure out whether your face is bloated or whether you have facial fat. Common causes of chipmunk cheeks include facial bloating, facial fat, large masseter muscles, or just your underlying bone structure. Some ways to decrease cheek include buccal fat pad removal surgery, exercising, Botox injections, avoiding certain foods and drinks, etc. Figuring out what caused your cheeks to be large is the first step to getting rid of chipmunk cheeks.

Chipmunk face how to#

They can be a bother, but many people are not sure how to get rid of them to have a slimmer face. But 35 years later, I’m starting to feel it was worth it.Chipmunk cheeks is essentially a cheek area with too much fullness. I had to retake English 101, just because Moses died. But then I transferred to Arizona State and I learned: “C’s” transfer – “D’s” pay the fees - again. I tried to explain to my co-workers, but much like you right now - they couldn’t figure out what was so fucking funny.įour weeks later, I got my grade for that English Class - “D”. Two of the nurses had to walk them back to the waiting room to keep them from walking right into the X-ray rooms with me. Across the emergency room, five drunk college kids called out. Two weeks later, on a Friday evening, I was at my part-time job at City (pronounced “shitty”) Hospital. But that was the end of class, and one of the final days of the semester. Chipmunk depression turned to rodent rage. I was the last one in the room his eye fell upon. We nervously glanced around hoping someone was awake. He surveyed the 35 college freshmen in search of a response. “I guess things have changed since I was 10 years old…” His depressed chipmunk voice perked up a bit. I only heard the last line: “Well,” he said. He was telling one about him when he was a kid. It was one of the boring moments in class. I now recognize, he was probably early 60’s - about my age now. Only people with tenure can dress like that.Īfter 32 years in the institution, I can say he was obviously not married. He wore 15-year old, screaming-loud, red-striped jackets with pink-checkered shirts. The whole effect was like listening to “Alvin” with depression. He had a little chipmunk face and his voice was slow, slightly slurred, and artificially low. But there was usually at least 3 good laughs a week (for me) - didn’t give a shit if they liked it.Īt the time, I thought he was about 80. Jonathon would often read my crappy kid stories to the class for open criticism. The teacher was Jonathon – somebody.Įnglish 101 was OK. In 1980, I was taking English 101 at the University of Akron. You know what I mean - let it go you anal-retentive assholes. I’m way past that made up bullshit of grammar and rules. I used to be a “professional writer” (small town newspaper) and a teacher of English (9th grade), so it’s fucking hard to admit that I had to repeat English 101.Įnglish-teacher-types who read this blog can probably spot all the typos, sentence fragments, verb-tense changes, over-use of parenthesis, hyphens and dashes and other crap that would fail any decent “English” class.īut fuck you. This was first published in 2018 - old stories never die, they just go to the bottom of the pile…

[vxntagedior]

peach

summary | bucky doesn’t do relationships, until he sees your ass

pairing | college!bucky barnes x fem!reader

warning | fluff, angst, flirty!bucky, playboy!bucky

word count | 2.1k

Going to the gym has been second nature to you since you started college. It started off as not wanting to gain the freshman 15 and wanting to retain some more muscle since you quit dancing in high school.

It flourished from there, you didn’t worry about your weight, or your defined muscle, you felt happy with yourself going to the gym because it helped you in fit and was a stress reliever at some times.

Like clockwork, you’d come in the mornings on Tuesday and Wednesday, get in a quick workout, maybe do some morning yoga before going back to your room and heading to class.

It was fairly empty in the mornings, no one wanted to be up earlier than they needed to be, but there were a few other students. 

Your headphones were on even before you entered the building, heading into the locker room and quickly getting into the gym because you had woken up a little late this morning.

You started from the top of your body down, starting with your arms, always starting light before adding more weights.

Looking at yourself in the mirror as you did your bicep curls, you noticed someone walking up next to you, grabbing their own set of weights and going on with their business.

Turning your head slightly, you saw Bucky had been the one to occupy the spot next to you. The two of you barely talked to each other, he’s in the same frat as Steve, Natasha, your roommate’s boyfriend and you saw him at parties.

Bucky had a name for himself on campus, total ladies man, always a different girl every party. And you would be an idiot if you thought he was unattractive, you had thought of him occasionally but everyone knew he wasn’t one to have girlfriends and settle down.

“Lookin 'good peach.” Bucky winked at you when you finished, heading over to one of the mats to start your core stretches.

You rolled your eyes, ignoring his comment and continuing on.

Laying on your back, the end of your song coming to an end, you felt someone next to you.

“Are you going to the party tonight?” And there he was again, Bucky had taken the mat next to you while you did your crunches.

You tried pretending not to hear him.

“Come on babydoll, I know you can hear me?” He smirked.

“Maybe.” You said curtly, getting up to start more conditioning. Standing in front of the weight machine, using the little ledge at the bottom to push yourself up so you were able to grab the top, slipping a few times and trying once again.

“You need some help?” Bucky asked, amused on how you still couldn’t get yourself up.

“Please.” You whispered, sighing. Coming up behind you, his hands fitting place on your waist. In any other circumstance you’d probably be red in the face.

Lifting you high enough, letting you grab the bar, he released his hands, stepping back, yet his eyes still lingered down on your body.

“See something you like, Barnes?” It was cheeky when you said it and you didn’t know where the confidence came from.

“I do, Peach.” He gulped.

“Good.” You smirked.

-

The rest of your day was relatively okay, getting through a lecture and taking a nap before heading out with Natasha.

The second the two of you entered the frat house, she had already been gone, looking around for Steve.

“Peach!” You sighed, turning away from the drink table, seeing Bucky saunter over, his jeans a little too tight, and his shirt buttoned up barely half way. “Ya made it!”

“Yup.” You swallowed a lump in your throat trying to keep your eyes looking at his face.

“Come play with me.” Grabbing your hand pulling you away from the drink table, his arm wrapping around your shoulder, bringing you over to the beer pong table, Sam and Thor already on the other side. 

Both were already plastered and everyone knew Thor is terrible at beer pong. You could keep your own, occasionally missing one every once in a while.

There had only been one cup left for the two of you, Sam and Thor still have three and it was your three again.

Bucky stood behind you, his hands resting on your hips, whispering words of encouragement in your ear.

“Blow on it.” You turned towards him, the two of you were tipsy and sober you would have never even been this close to him.

He smirked, blowing lightly on the ball before you turned back. Focusing your hand, you threw the ball watching it circle against the rim before falling in.

Bucky cheered, his arms now wrapping around your waist, lifting you up off the ground, spinning the two of you around.

Everyone else around you cheered, Natasha and Steve eyeing the two of you, seeing the tension.

You stayed with Bucky for the rest of the night, the two of you taking shots after shots, dancing with your friends, at some point during the party, you remembered dancing on a table.

Staying out until past midnight, you assumed Natasha brought you back to your dorm.

Groaning, your eyes fluttering open, rubbing the rest of the sleep from your eyes, trying to recall anything from last night.

Looking around the room, you noticed how it was much bigger than yours, and none of the decor on the wall was yours.

You stiffened when you felt an arm readjust around your waist, immediately shooting out of the bed.

“Oh my god!” You whispered in shock, seeing Bucky on the bed, your clothes replaced with his shorts and shirt. “Bucky.”

“Hmm.” He grunted, rolling over.

“Bucky!” You said a bit louder, throwing a pillow at his back.

“Jesus, peach!” He shot up. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong, what’s wrong!” You exclaimed. “Why am I in your bed?”

“We didn’t have-” He started, clearing any wrong thoughts in your head.

“Oh my god!” You muttered to yourself, trying to find your clothes. “Where are my clothes?”

“In the washer.” He said. “Calm down, you can get them after class.”

Your eyes widened looking at the time, you wouldn’t make it if you went back to your dorm to change before you went to class.

“You want breakfast?” He scooted out of bed, walking out of the room. “Or a smoothie?”

You followed him out of the room, meeting him in the kitchen with a few other of the brothers already there, trying to keep their laughing down to a minimum.

“And now your brothers think we slept together.” You whispered harshly, slapping his arm.

“Please.” He sighed. “It’s no big deal.”

“To you it isn’t.” You retorted, grabbing the smoothie out of his hand, “and how am I supposed to take notes?”

“Don’t worry bout it. Let’s go.”

Getting to the lecture hall, you saw Natasha standing outside with your backpack, of course she knew.

“Cute outfit.” She smiled, following the two of you inside.

“Shut up.”

Making your way to your seat, close enough to the front so you didn’t need to squint, Bucky still continued to follow you, occupying the seat next to you.

Just as you were about to say something, your professor walked out of their office starting the class.

You distanced yourself from Bucky for the rest of the day, not going to the gym the next morning to make sure you didn’t see him at all.

His clothes were still in your possession, hanging up in your closet, staring you down every single day.

“Not hanging out with your boyfriend today?” Wanda asked, the two of you sitting in the quad, going over notes.

“He’s not my boyfriend?” You looked at her confused.

“That’s not what everyone is saying.” She inquired. Your eyes widened, turning your head around to see him, Steve and a few others hanging out on the other side of the quad. His eyes caught yours, giving you a wink before turning back.

“Of course.” You muttered. “This is just amazing!”

You didn’t know what to think of it, you and Bucky never even talked to each until a few weeks ago when you saw him at the gym.

Continuing your isolation from him, you ignored the boy everytime he was near you.

“You can’t keep ignoring me.” He said one day, sitting next to you once again during the lecture. You saw in the corner eye, him sliding a coffee in the corner of the time. Staring at it, then back at him, taking a sip.

“How’d you know my order?” You whispered. 

“Nat told me.” He shrugged. “Wanted to do something nice for ya.”

 “Just because everyone thinks we’re together doesn’t mean we are.” You quipped.

“Well, what if I want it to be.” He smiled.

“Bucky be serious, when was the last time you had a girlfriend?” You looked at him, he stumbled for an answer knowing he truly couldn't. “Look I think you're great, I really do but I can’t be someone’s hookup that’s not my thing.”

Both of you sat through the rest of the class, your hearts down in your stomach. You imagined yourself to be with Bucky, the guy who brought you coffee, and made sure you were taken of when you were drunk and Bucky just wanted to prove himself to be the perfect person for you.

-

Another weekend, another party. Natasha split off with you once again, leaving you on your own. You sat off in a corner in an emptier room, mindlessly scrolling through your phone.

“There you are.” You looked up seeing Bucky standing at the arch of the door. “I went looking for you when I saw Nat.”

“Not really in the mood for a party right now, I just came to make sure Nat can get back alright.” You shrugged.

“Are you hungry?” He asked out of the blue.

“I mean a little.” You said.

“Come on, then.” He offered his hand, you had nothing else to do but being with Bucky was still something you wanted to do not caring about the cons.

You let him guide you through campus, heading to his car, the two of you heading out into town. All the bars were lit up, people crowded outside of it.

Stopping as he got to the end of the seat, pulling up to a small Italian place that was still open late.

It was awkward, your hands messing around with your straw, trying not to make eye contact with him.

“You know it doesn’t hurt to look at me.” He laughed, noticing how you were trying to avoid it.

“Um, thanks for ya know, taking me out.” You were awkward, the whole situation was awkward for you. 

“Hey, I’m just doing some special for a special girl.” He smiled.

God, how could someone like him be truly into you for the sole purpose of making a relationship.

Your heart swelled, downcasting your eyes once again. The two of you were quiet while you ate, the occasional glances and small talk which really wasn’t awkward.

Walking out of the restaurant, making your way back to campus, the two of you were quiet still, your eyes looking out your passenger window. Looking at you from his seat, Bucky smiled, watching how your eyes were catching up with which star that he drove by.

Walking back into the party, still as active as it was when the two of you left, you headed back to the empty room, assuming Bucky would hang out with his friends and the group of girls that had been trailing him since he entered the frat house.

“What are you doing?” You looked back at him when you sat down on the couch. “Why aren’t you back out there.”

“Because you aren’t.” He said simply, coming to sit next to you on the couch. The couch was small already, so when Bucky sat down, your thighs had been touching.

“I had fun tonight.” You whispered.

“Good, I’m glad.” He took his chance, pressing his lips on the top of your head.

“Bucky-” You started.

“Please.” He whispered. “Why can’t we just try, I like you, I truly do and I want this to work. If I mess up or make you sad, cry, mad, anything, then it’s over. I’ll leave and we’ll never talk again.”

You hesitated, “Okay. But if you do hurt me, this is over.”

“I promise peach, I can't hurt the best thing in my life.

fin.