#and i feel like there's some amount of energy towards 'hey actually ship the canon black/white pairing and don't erase it' that

[starlit-mansion]

Watching F.D. Signifier's video on the social dynamics and media representation of interracial relationships really broke my brain open on how much i was prioritizing the interracial relationships in media i like or was very influential to me as more progressive, and more comfortable to me because of their proximity to whiteness. It's absolutely not the final word on the subject, but I personally found it very helpful

[daisy--sorbet]

heyyy, hope you’re having a good night!! if you have the energy and feel okay answering, what’s up w taz graduation? i haven’t checked it out yet but i was thinking ab it. just asking bc you’re the first person i saw talk ab the show having serious issues, but also feel free to not answer this!! hope you have a good week!

i took a nice hot bath, had a strawberry kiwi capri-sun, and did a nice face mask and i’m feeling pretty good - so, y’know what anon? let’s talk about it. 

for anyone who likes taz grad who sees this post: it’ll be tagged with “taz grad hate” (although i feel hate is definitely a very strong word - it’s for the simplicity of tagging it) - so please block the tag if you don’t want to see this post (especially because i put a readmore on a post before and it didn’t show up on mobile and instead gave the full post). mobile tumblr has a tag blocking system, so please feel free to use it! i don’t mind haha

anyway, so this is... probably going to be a lost post, and i wanna go ahead and preface it: this absolutely isn’t any hate on the mcelroys themselves. i love the brothers and their dad a lot, and while i doubt any of them would ever see this (or have it sent to them, or shown to them, because im pretty sure they try to distance themselves from this sort of thing), i just want to make it clear that criticizing a product is different than bashing a person. which brings me to the point of if i do end up sounding as if im bashing someone - please call me out on it! it’s not my intention to target anyone.

with that said, let’s talk about this campaign.

so my problems are as thus: the railroading, the shipping (a fandom problem, but it’s present in the podcast), the NPCs, and some misc problems others have addressed better than i have.

which. i know. that’s basically the entire podcast. (i promise i’ll bring up some positive points to balance it all out). keep in mind i’ve only personally listened to... what, six episodes? and it was enough for me to drop it. some people dropped it first ep, some dropped it ep four, and others are still forcing themselves to listen.

the railroading

there was a time i could handle travis and his railroading [making sure the story goes exactly the way he has planned], because it was the very beginning of the podcast and that’s what you can kind of expect from a plot-heavy podcast. hell, i wouldn’t mind it if the interactions and goofs weren’t a huge part of why i listen to TAZ in particular (which, by the way, is why amnesty still stuck out to me - even if there was a direction griffin wanted to push them towards, the interactions between the players (or players and npcs) made up for any railroading). it’s kind of hard to not railroad a little when it’s story-heavy and you’re trying to built up a world that you’ve put a lot of thought into. however, a huge part of d&d is the spontaneity. 

it’s kind of why i think balance was so popular. while there was railroading towards the end, there was the presence of improv that made it all good. most mcelroy content is enjoyed because of the goofs. the magic brian moment is memorable. the jenkin’s fight still stands out because it was funny (albeit a result of some bad rolls). the boys teasing angus sticks out because the four would play well off of each other. even without that - griffin had talked about how he had to roll with things (the fact he had planned for a fight atop the train, but ditched the idea for what his family members came up with instead). even in amnesty, a couple moments that stick out to me still are ned with the jetpack taking out a pizza hut sign, and the scene with the water where jake was trapped inside. they aren’t as fun, but they still stand out as “things i didnt expect to really end the way they did.”

with grad, it’s just. one after another. the thundermen want to subpoena a xorn? cool, let’s run with that until actually the xorn gets fed rocks and goes home and who cares about the subpoena now. fitzroy wants to keep his cloak? lets talk about it for a while and you also get no rolls to even try to keep it. fitzroy goes to meet higglemas in his office? oh, why are you here fitzroy? im going to keep asking you until you answer fitzroy? you arent getting out of this scene until you answer me, fitzroy, so just tell me why you’re here already, alright, fitzroy? 

and even later in a episode i read a transcript of: hey argo, remember how you have this whole secret motivation? fuck you, im gonna talk about it here in your dream and reveal it to listeners and remove any tension you had building up, and you dont get a choice to talk about it because this all-knowing villain knows all about it :)

and even NOW in the latest episode, there’s a comment that “we should cap argo’s skills here” instead of just... making the checks higher. rogues are good at certain things and usually arent the best in battles. better hope argo never makes it to level 11, because who knows how people are gonna handle the fact that he gets a skill that’ll make it so certain skills can’t have a roll below 10 (reliable talent). 

(griffin, thankfully, calls travis out for that, but still - travis, why would you even imply that, considering you should be aware of how rogues work considering magnus multiclassed into rogue and you played one on tiny heist?)

and in the newest episode, their Big Bad chaos (which, god, i personally hate that name) straight-out says “dont do this” to the thundermen. travis tries to say, on twitter, “a character saying “dont do this” is different than me saying it” but i need to point out that it’s one thing if you’ve said “no” in character but worked with the PCs doing otherwise, but the railroading says differently.

the shipping

ill try to make this quick, because it’s nothing to do with the fandom (ship however you want, man) - but i really feel the need to draw attention to this.

fitzroy, as confirmed by griffin in a ttazz episode, is asexual. not aroace, but ace nonetheless. and i find it... troublesome that the idea of rainer and fitzroy having a relationship is still pushed nonetheless, despite the fact that fitzroy (to my knowledge) was never once shown to reciprocate any feelings. not to be that person, but i really hope that grad doesnt have any sort of romantic relationships in it (at least - not between NPCs and PCs unless they’re actually like... warranted?). 

i dont know, man. one of my closest friends is ace, and i know she wants a relationship, but i think it would reassure her a lot to see an ace character who isn’t pushed into one in case she ever changes her mind. someone once mentioned that they hope fi/tz/ra/in doesnt happen because theres relationships that have that “oh, you can just date” and it goes upwards there to “oh, you can have sex just to please them <3″  (which, to be honest, is kind of a gross mindset - if someone isnt interested, they arent interested).

also, uh, the TTAZZ where griffin states this, there’s kind of the mention tht the whole sexuality question was posed in relation to the episode “creative thinking” (the dream one i mentioned earlier) - which. uh. i don’t know if anyone caught this, but... rainer straight-up wrote fitzroy a letter in the dream like “are you going to accept my proposal? a girl doesn’t like to be left waiting” which. leaves me with some gross feelings because uh.

if... if the whole thing about fitzroys sexual orientation was addressed here, then why would you push your ship anyway? feels kinda iffy, man.

to which i want to say: fitzroy can date. he’s allowed to date. griffins allowed to do whatever he wants with his character. but when a lot of the flirting is met with nothing, i’m not gonna see the chemistry there. just because travis ships it doesn’t mean it’s canon.

the npcs

ah yes. lets talk about the npcs.

there’s... a lot. a lot a lot. i think travis trimmed down how many were present in a scene, but uh. there’s still a lot. and... uh... i kinda wish there wasn’t?

look, i know im going back to balance/amnesty, but just. hang in there for a moment. chill with me. vibe. 

balance didnt have too many NPCs present at all times in each mini-arc. gerblins had some big names like barry, klarg, gundren, killian, yeemick, and magic brian. rockport limited had angus, jess, graham the juicy wizard jenkins, and all of the tom bodetts mentioned. 

amnestys first arc had mama, barclay, jake, dani, pigeon, kirby, minerva, and that was about it for like. big names? and not all of them were present in each scene. 

in the first episode of grad alone: gary, hernandez, jimson, rolandus, zana, rhodes, buckminster eden, rainer, leon, tomas, hieronymous, higglemas, stuart, jackle, bartholomeus, mulligan, groundsy, germaine/victoria/rattles (the skeleton crew). and those are the ones i wrote down (minus groundsy, who i just. ignores. idk him).

like holy shit, my english prof got onto me for having too many characters in my first chapter and i didnt even have half the amount listed there! 

it’s just a huge cast. does this take place in a school? yes! theres bound to be a lot of students present - but you don’t have to name every single one of them, at least not in the first episode!

the miscellaneous

i don’t know if travis ever actually addressed it, but wheelchair users have actually like... said that rainer’s introduction bothered them, because she was like “please ask me abt my wheelchair :)” when travis saying she was in an ornate chair would have sufficed. 

uh. the colonization vibes people have discussed within the centaur arc. mentioned here, the replies here, and this post (and its replies) here as well.

the overall lack of d&d when the campaign was kind of advertised as a return to d&d if i remember correctly

also no one seems to be taking literally any criticism at all which like. ignoring the petty shit, sure, but people have stopped donating to taz and their listener-ship must have dropped some during this entire time - you’d think that maybe someone could say “we need to find out why people dont like the thing and fix the thing” consider this is. yknow. their livelihood.

anyway uhhh 

tl;dr: travis railroads way too much (even now), the shipping in-game has become pushy and gross (especially bc its shoving a relationship onto an asexual character), theres too many npcs that dont stand out well enough, and no ones taking any criticism about the major issues with grad. 

[missinghmmingbird]

These Chains That Never Leave

Summary: Jasper wakes up in a bright room of pink. 

Word Count: 4389

Notes: This was a story requested by someone a while back. While it CAN follow canon of “A Single Pale Rose” I made this WAYYY before then, only adding in a few things recently to sort of fit with it. 

Also, this is super angsty and shit. Proceed with caution, as there is some intense internal conflict.

You can find it also on Ao3, where my username is Missytheangle. 

The cycle spun onward.

Everything was blurred, messy, and surreal. Her consciousness faded in and out, yet she still existed. Here, in the moment she could never grasp. A sharp ringing crescendo in her ears. Time meant nothing, as she wandered through what felt like nothing for what felt like an eternity.

Then the warmth.

First a light, bright and soft, like a blanket thrown over her. A wave of comfort washed through her. And with it came a voice, calling to her, calling out her name, yet the wavering voice vanished into a void. The warmth and kindness that flowed from the voice followed after, leaving her in the dark abyss. She was cold and alone once more.

Deep in the recesses of her mind, when for one brief moment, she could hold onto memories, she could recall seeing Rose Quartz... except it wasn't really her, even though it was. Or was it? Instead of feeling pure rage and hatred boiling within her, she wasn't sure how to feel. She saw this thing in her head, reaching out for her, but then it was gone and she was cold again so maybe she was just losing the leftovers of her mind.

The more she tried to think, to keep these visions in her head, to fight back against that ringing, the less she remembered.

Something would crawl into her head, tendrils constricting in her mind, concealing memories with a fuzziness, and she couldn't see . Chains once again bounded her, except no gems held her down. It was only her, and she was losing.

The cycle spun onward... until it didn't.

That light appeared again, but then it grew bright... too bright. Her eyes seared, and the pain spread through her body, as if a slow burn stroked her skin. Yet the pain was not unfamiliar, and it didn't hurt as much as it wanted to.

It faded as quickly as it arrived. The continuous ringing in her ears waned into a small noise perched in the back of her head, until it became nothing. The quiet in the aftermath somehow felt just as aggressive. She squinted against the sting of the light.

She blinked, and the light calmed, softening to an acceptable point. Through blurred vision, she looked down from her crouched position. Her fingers curled into whatever material her hands dug into.

Hands...

Her vision was messy, at best, but by the stars, they were hands. She clenched her fingers into a fist, tense, her knuckles cracking. The feeling send a jolt through her arm, and she flinched.

Her thoughts halted. With a pervading sense that someone else was in the room, she glanced in front of her. Her eyes grew, a rise crawling up her spine. A small form stood before her, just a mere blur of colors. She shook her head violently and buried her face into the ground.

A voice whispered, but it thundered in her eardrums. Opening her eyes again, she picked her head back up. Her vision cleared, if only but a little, giving her a better image of the small thing in front of her.

As soon as she recognized the figure standing before her, something inside Jasper's body tightened.

Rose Quartz's eyes grew small, her face warm with fresh tears. She struggled for breath. Small, brown haired Rose stared at Jasper for the longest time, with constant shifts of emotions crossing her younger looking, soft features. "J-Jasper?"

Arms thrown outward, Jasper lunged for Rose Quartz, who made a terrified noise and jumped back. She just barely escaped Jasper's grasp.

Jasper landed on the soft, peculiar material of the ground, and something about the fall brought about a wave of exhaustion through her body. Her muscles ached, and she clutched her head. Rose Quartz was right there! She was, right? This had to be her, despite her newfound doubts plaguing her head. Would all of that hunting have meant nothing now? She just... it couldn't have.

She inspected the unfamiliar ground. Not ground, not sand. She glared down at the white, soft surface.

Jasper's head shot up again, and she observed their surrounding area. There was pink, so much pink and white. Her eyes sharpened on Rose Quartz. Someone growled, and the small being stepped back. Jasper recoiled, realizing she was the source of the noise.

"Can you... can you talk?" she asked, looking so uncertain and concerned.

Jasper opened her mouth, perhaps just as unsure as Rose Quartz. "Wh-wh-where... am I?" Her voice cracked, and her throat was in flames. It hurt to speak.

Rose Quartz blinked, shaking her head. She wiped her head, but a few leftover tears overwhelmed her cheeks. "I-in my mom's room. Can you, uh, get up? Can you move?"

Jasper considered throwing out a snappish remark about Rose Quartz thinking she could tell her what to do, but decided to remain silent for her own voice's sake. Besides, having control of her body again felt like coming out of the wall all over again, except she was more tired, delusional, and lost.

Despite shaky legs, she rose. Her legs weighed like lead, and she collapsed onto her knees within seconds. Pain struck like electricity down her legs.

Then she saw it, now that her vision had cleared and she finally actually looked .

Green-ish scars marred her body, as well as a few protruding spikes—on her arms, her shoulder, and one on her legs. And she now realized that her fingers were replaced with sharp, thick claws.

She glared at Rose Quartz, who noticed Jasper's revelation and explained, "It worked better this time, but... I still couldn't heal you completely, I guess." She glanced directly at Jasper, grief aging her astoundingly young face. "I'm sorry."

Rose Quartz stared at Jasper for an extended period, and her face crumbled. More tears flowed, and she let out a long breath of air. "Jasper, I want to help you." She offered her hand, stepping forward.

Jasper grit her teeth as she thought of a retort. Her mouth opened, but she stopped when a staggering amount of pain assaulted her.

Waves of memories crashed over Jasper like a tsunami of thorns. They flashed in her mind, bright and harsh. She doubled over, breathing raggedly from the memories of a crashing ship, the drowning and the chains, that feeling of something crawling up her body, creeping into her mind.

"Are you okay?!"

Jasper inched away from Rose Quartz. "Don't come near me," she threatened in a low growl.

Rose Quartz nonetheless advanced slowly. "Please, I—"

"Stay. Away. I don't want any of your help. Whether you really are Rose Quartz or not."

"I-I know it's hard, but you have to let me at least try!" Rose Quartz—because, really, what else could Jasper call her at this point?—begged in a stronger voice still strained with something akin to desperation.

Rose Quartz approached, hands out, but her eyes were still wide, hesitant and terrified. Jasper expected nothing less. With the best force she could muster, she pushed Rose Quartz to the side, out of her path.

"Bw—hey!" Rose Quartz cried out on the ground.

Jasper was already running, so if Rose had anything else to say, she failed to hear it. She raced through the room on all fours, not bothering a weak attempt to rise to just two feet, knowing she'd fall. This room unsettled her, and she wanted out.

A door out of the room welcomed her. When she approached it, she leaned against the doorway, her body's energy draining. Her eyes grazed over the room she arrived in.

The building was silent and empty. The Crystal Gems were not around, someplace else where they could not stop her. Her eyes found a warp pad just a few feet in front of her, and she stepped onto it, fighting to stand on trembling knees.

Barely out of hearing range, the voice of Rose Quartz yelled somewhere behind her. "Stop! Wait! Please, we need to talk ab—"

Eyes shutting, Jasper did not see but heard the warp pad lights interrupt the small being as it sent her through thin air. Her head spun for only a split second, but it was painful. She hadn't the faintest where she was going, nor did she bother to care—as long as it was far away from the Crystal Gems and their base.

Once she landed and the light dimmed, she tilted forward, clutching her head to regain focus. Jasper observed her new surroundings.

It was unfamiliar territory. Towering mountains reached high on either side of her. Earth, being as vast as it was, had many strange places she had yet to trek. Mostly because she hated every minute walking this planet and its dirt.

She did not have to walk for long, as she found some sort of structure not long after dragging her feet, and was surrounded by greenery. A star shaped entrance had its mouth open to her.

Alarms rang in her head, telling her to step back and warp elsewhere. It shouldn't have been a surprise that the Crystal Gems carved that star symbol in everything they touched.

Yet something tempted her, in the back on her conscious. She would not let fear control her.

She stepped inside and walked down a stair. She froze, eyes widening. Stepping back, she looked up at the pool in the center of the large mountain.

Resting a pedestal and watching over the fountain, a statue was etched into the shape of a familiar figure. The same figure sat at the borders of the star shaped pool, hands in their laps.

Jasper walked down the steps and toward the fountain, eyes gazing down into the pool.

She had no clue where she was, but she had a faint idea.

Rumors among Homeworld gems were murmured about special places Rose Quartz found on Earth and made as her own. Rumors also whispered about Rose's strange, magical properties. Her tears could perform miracles and cleaned gems of their wounds, their bruises, even their cracks that crept onto their gemstones. As if they never had them.

Those rumors spoke of her fountain, how it contained an endless amount of her tears. One could dive in, consumed by cool waters, and come out feeling as if they could take down an entire army. These rumors spread, and were only such, as Homeworld never found such a place.

Until now. Something about this water did not compare to common water. Jasper's hands clasped the rims of the fountain, and she leaned in closer toward the water. She glanced up for a better glimpse at the statue watching over her with shut eyes.

Rose Quartz's grandest statue had her arms spread out, with a strange air of warmth and kindness.

Something twisted in her body, and she shook it off. She glanced at her arms, the patches and spikes that contrasted with her own skin. Her eyebrows narrowed, gaze shifting between her arms and the flowing fountain. The water was still, a soft, delicate color.

It called to her. The calm water called to her.

A voice in her head commanded her, yelling at her to not do it. Her fingers cracked into tight fists.

She dove into the water.

The water was deeper than anticipated, but she did not have to swim long to reach the bottom. Her fingers brushed against surface, and she sat down.

Part of Jasper screamed that this was wrong! While she was just using the enemy's own property to her advantage, this somehow felt wrong . Lowering herself to their own ways in which they allowed the more defective, weak gems to keep fighting until they were at last shattered in battle.

Yet the water had called, and she did not hesitate. There was this ominous calm in which she found sitting even at the very depths of the ocean almost meditative. She would dive into the water, hoping the crashing waves would drown out how badly her body screamed at her, like it was trying to scold her. This would not have been the first time, and something told her it wouldn't be the last.

Deep down, she knew this was connected to Malachite. How she was trapped in the deep mouth of earth's ocean for months and months before rising from the sea once Malachite's existence ceased.

A sliver sliced through her head. She clutched her head, bubbles violently rising with her abrupt movement. When she pulled her arm back, she looked down at the marks again, the teal marks. Jasper could almost imagine being part of her again, and her fists tightened as the memories rolled through her head.

Why didn't Lapis Lazuli understand? The power that came with Malachite was a buzz that vibrated through her body. When Lazuli was not in total control, for a few beautiful moments, electricity had sparked and all their power had combined came to Jasper at her fingertips. It had provided her control of a body that could create thunderous footsteps and fight off a towering fusion. Each punch, each kick had blessed her with bursts of adrenaline that she never wanted to lose, so Malachite had kept fighting. Jasper had given her that will.

Malachite's head had been a cacophony of thoughts, two clashing voices pushing against one another. And she would face it all over again.

It had been a rush that filled Jasper's head and nearly made her dizzy, but she kept going, kept fighting for to feel that feeling again, that wonderful feeling of control and power. sHe wanted to stay like that forever. Why did Lapis Lazuli want none of it, and why did she and the Crystal Gems take that away from her?

When she wasn't in control of that power, however, hell was her landscape.

Jasper had fought, fought like the Jasper that she was, to escape the water that was thick in her mouth. Drowning in Malachite, overwhelmed by Lapis Lazuli's control and power, gave her something to fight, a reason to push and punch. She'd pull and throw taunts and screams—oh, the screaming. It lasted for months, yet the fighting gave her something to do, to test herself.

When she had been pulled deeper and deeper away from the control she desired, it was only a reminder that it wasn't enough. That she wasn't enough. Still, her fighting persisted.

Then one day, some day, a random burst of realization came to her: that she was tired. The ghosts of her chains snared around her limbs; liquid but somehow impenetrable like steel.

Lapis Lazulis were so powerful. Commanding the elements, bidding it to do as they commanded, and this one was not unlike the others. Even Quartzes could not fight through the water Lazulis molded as their weapons. Even Jasper could not take down this Lapis, not with the Earth's vast water supply in her arsenal.

Jasper did not stand a chance, and she knew this, being so weak, pathetic, worthless. Ever since arriving on Earth, she had been beaten mercilessly. While she took down the runt with ease, should she return to Homeworld, and should gems across the planet find out about her pitiful defeats against fusions, of all things...

There was no doubt. They'd shatter her the second they saw her deformed body, the ultimate sign of being broken. This accursed Earth destroyed her from the inside out, breaking her into so many pieces. Oh, stars, how she wished she had been in pieces! She'd be better off in pieces!

She could almost feel liquid chains gripping her arms, her legs, pinning her down. Like the water surrounding her had become her enemy. Her neck felt constricted. Lapis's hands wrapped around it, pulling her deeper into the ocean until Malachite was engulfed in the darkness in the depths of the water.

But she deserved this! She deserved every waking moment of ghost chains still dragging her.

Then why did she feel... terrified ?

Jasper rose from the water and crawled out of the pool. She leaned against the edge, hair dripping, and she peered up. Rose Quartz's life-sized stone clone sat calmly just feet away. Burying her face into her hands, tears pricking at the edges of her eyes. She shook her head until her eyes dried.

She glanced down at herself, thinking back to the effects of Rose Quartz's tears, only to find her spirit shattered.

Teal still smeared her skin. The markings laughed at her, telling her that they'll always be there, always. Red anger boiled within her. Why wouldn't they just go away ?

She scratched at the marks, fingernails digging into her skin. Her teeth gritted, and thin, faded red lines appeared on the teal skin, yet Jasper kept going, kept scratching, because maybe then all those red scratches could cover up the scars, the scars that not even Rose Quartz's tears could heal. They would always be there, always, reminding her that she failed. She failed everything, her mission, her Diamond, her battles, everything. Jasper, you failed, you're a failure. You deserve this, don't you?!

Smack!

Jasper slammed her fist against the Rose Quartz statue nearest to her, her own eyes shut. The sound echoed violently through the still room. Chills etched up her spine. Her eyes opened.

Not even a dent marked the stone; it was absolutely perfect. Jasper's strength failed her, again and again. Her best was not enough; it never was. Her hands curled, nails drilling into her palms. Eyebrows narrowed, she glowered at the perfect, unbroken statue.

She dove her fists into the stone again, and bellowed into the empty air, agony ripping through her lungs. Then again, again, and again. Pain split through her knuckles with each impact, until her appendages were numb, and then—

Crack...

Rather than see the damage she made, she turned away. Her knuckles bruised. Her hands tightened until her fingers uncurled. The tips of her fingers descended down the cracked stone of Rose and into the water.

Jasper's body shook again with violent vigor, chest heaving as that reddened anger dissipated. Sweat dripped down the back of her neck, matting her already unkempt hair.

In her head, she saw Rose Quartz sitting there, asking if Jasper wanted help and that she really wanted what was best for Jasper. The image changed between the towering, pink haired warrior she faced in the battlefield, and the smaller, brown haired one she was most unfamiliar with.

Neither Quartz had the faintest what Jasper wanted, only thought she did. Every single one of those rebel traitors fell into Rose Quartz's arms, having reached the lowest of the low.

Jasper could not imagine going even lower.

Now all she wanted was Rose Quartz's shards crumbled in her hands.

But the Rose Quartz who she wanted to destroy was gone, replaced by something smaller, with a different look to her eyes. The opportunity was taken from her. With this realization, her entire body froze. She gazed at her teal stained hands.

What was she to do now? Homeworld would destroy her the second she returned in this condition. Nevermind the glory she originally anticipated. Now.. oh, now, she had nothing .

All of that was gone.

She was still shaking. More sweat poured down her cheeks and chin, spilling into the teardrop fountain. Her face was warm, her eyes burning, but she refused to accept that she was appearing so open, so vulnerable in front of Rose Quartz's statues.

A new, unnatural sound reached out to her. Jasper did not look up.

Rose's shut eyes burst into tears, and the water flowed into thick rivers down her face and into the fountain. The water overwhelmed the pool and spilled across the rest of the fountain. As the water touched Jasper's feet, she knelt down and tightened her arms around herself.

The water embraced her calves before it stopped. And something fell beside her. Without moving her head too far, Jasper saw them raining down. One brushed over the top of her head.

She crushed the rose into her palm. The broken petals scattered over the water.

More water splashed beside her. Jasper's head tilted, hair falling over most of her face, save for her eyes.

Rose Quartz returned. No, it wasn't her Rose Quartz. Not-Rose Quartz was there, eyebrows curved with concern, as if she had a reason to empathize with her. As if this enigma had any reason to care.

Not-Rose Quartz approached her, wrinkles under her eyes. Jasper shifted to angle herself directly toward Rose, eyebrows narrowed. Her fingertips tightened in the water and against the ground.

"I'm not going to hurt you. I don't want to hurt you," this Rose said.

I can't say the same , Jasper thought bitterly.

Jasper could only wonder how she must've looked to this small not-Rose. Shaking, tears streaming down her face, scars ruining her body. No one should see a Quartz so broken, lest the Quartz be shattered for incompetence—whether abandoned in the midst of battle, or directly by their higher ups.

She did not want to meet Pink Diamond's fate. She worked so hard to bring justice to her Diamond. If it were all in vain...

Her fingers were shaking again.

"Listen..." The smaller being hesitated. She sighed. "We can help you. Me and the Crystal Gems. I know you hate us, but I can't stand to see any gem in such... pain." Her expression shifted into something solemn, thoughtful.

"No." Jasper's lips curled back to reveal sharp, gritted teeth.

Not-Rose let out another tired sigh. "I know what you're dealing with is difficult, but—"

"YOU KNOW NOTHING!" Jasper bellowed inches from her enemy's face, finally looking at her properly. Despite not being her, this Rose's resemblance to her brought a harsh wave of anger through her body. "Nothing of what I've been through. If you think... that I need help from the likes of you, then you're wrong!"

Not-Rose hesitated, eyes drifting aside. "Well... I do know. Kind of."

"How?"

Not-Rose said nothing, but Jasper was no fool. Part of her wanted to deny it, however. Deny that the blurry images of this rose were just visions she conjured on her own accord, even though her mind was a murky ocean for months, so why would she suddenly have visions of who she thought was Rose Quartz? Her spine shuddered.

"You were inside my head," Jasper hissed dangerously.

She did not ask how Rose Quartz accomplished this. The question never came to her. Too much irritation boiled in her body. After all, the defeated look on this Rose's face said it all.

"How dare you."

Rose Quartz turned away, features laced with sorrow. "I'm sorry. It's wrong to go into someone's head without asking, b-but I had to!"

"You could've let me suffer back there, for all I care!" Jasper yelled. "Just like you Crystal Gems do best. Creating your own uprising without realizing the consequences of your own cowardice actions, and leave everyone else behind to suffer. Pink Diamond is gone because of your selfish war."

Jasper's head hurt again. She grunted out and dug one clawed hand into her hair. Not Rose's face hardened, and for a minute, Rose said nothing, eyes cold with thought. Jasper looked away.

"The Crystal Gems do the best they can for each other... and for Earth. We love each other and want what's best for one another." Rose Quartz's voice caught in her throat. "But... y-you're right. I should've realized you needed someone who was there for you, but I was... I was wrong.

"I've... learned a lot recently about my mom that..." Rose's gaze met hers, intense and focused. "I think you should know, but only when you're ready."

Jasper didn't understand the smaller Rose Quartz one bit, but said nothing.

Rose struggled with her next words, exhaling and clutching a tight fist at her side. "And I don't know how to make it up to you. Maybe someday, we can come to understand each other. Until then, I want to help you. Somehow. Like... talk about what you've been through. And then maybe we can work together on putting you in a better place. And if you don't want to deal with me or the Crystal Gems whatsoever after all of that, then we won't bother you. That's a promise."

With the last few sentences, her voice carried an air of authority and strength, a sense of leadership. Jasper could practically imagine her Rose Quartz standing over her, bearing a look of sympathy.

Silence ripped through the air. It only lasted for a split second.

"Go away," Jasper threatened in a growl. Her fingers dug into her arms when she wrapped them together. "Leave me alone... and never come back."

Rose Quartz's eyes glimmered with oncoming tears. "But Jasper—"

"LEAVE!" Fire raged in her eyes, her face, her entire being, and she raised a fist, slamming it onto the ground. The ground shook.

Rose Quartz jumped at the screech and the shaking ground. She stared at Jasper for what felt like a long time, even if in reality it was merely a few moments. Shadows sagged under Rose Quartz's eyes.

"Okay," the small being said, backing away a few steps. Water sloshed with each step. "I'll give you your space." Her hesitant expression hardened. "But I'm coming back, because I'm not giving up on you. Even if it takes... months, I'll do what I can for you."

Jasper replied with silence, keeping her back to the enemy. Her large name consumed anything Rose could see of her beyond a glimpse of her scarred arms.

A few splashes echoed from the fountain, then Rose's footsteps wandered. They gradually faded off into nothing.

Jasper did not move, did not even stand up. While her eyes watched over the wallowing crushed petal, she gazed at nothing.

"But I'm not giving up on you."

She would be better off.

A few leftover petals floated around her. She buried her face into her knees and sat in the cold, pink-ish water surrounded by the pink gemstone petals. Though begging to herself not to cry, her body disobeyed her. Her forehead touched her knees as her as her own teardrops fell into the water made of Rose Quartz's tears.

[into--the--abyss]

I think Grell would have thought William was pathetic, at best or would have tried to kill him at worst. To summarize, Grell's feelings for William aren't genuine in my opinion, because I believe Grell "loves" William for the person he seems to be, not for who he really is. I'd be interested on your opinion about this, but if you don't feel like answering for an eventual backlash from Grelliam fans, I understand :) (last part).

Hi! I’ve been reading your analysis posts about William (bless you!) and also about your thoughts towards Grelliam, and… I couldn’t agree more. Everyone in this fandom seems to worship Grelliam as the only true undisputed pairing that makes sense and that it’s meant to be. Which, as you said, it’s unfair to William since he’s not implied to have a secret fondness for Grell or stuff like that and what’s worse it’s as if Grell’s feelings have to be requited (part 1).

But I’ve also thought about Grell’s supposed love for William and… I think that for how they put it in canon, it’s a lie. Grell’s is an instable person with a twisted concept of love. Grell’s into “cold”, “emotionless”, stoic and violent men but in William’s case (at least in my opinion) it’s all a façade. I thought about this when I watched the scene of William crying for Thomas Wallis, I mean, I highly doubt that Grell would have fallen in love with a shattered, crying William (Part 2).

Hey,anon…I decided to answer your question.  I’m glad you took thetime to stop by, because it was nice knowing that I’m not the onlyone who thinks that way.  But honestly I don’t even rememberwriting that post.  XD  I’ve kind of walked away from Tumblr, whichI guess gives me a certain amount of freedom, because now I don’tcare about anything anymore.

Besidesall the other issues I have with Grellium the biggest one is thatWilliam can’t freaking keep a secret at all.  This is a characterwho went around telling the entire Circus troupe that he was a grimreaper, so how the hell is this man going to keep a love affair withhis subordinate a secret?  You know that would be blabbed all overthe office, because Dispatch has a pretty good rumor mill if thesecond musical can be taken for anything.  Is Will really the type toengage in an office romance?  Would that align with his code ofethics?

Coupledwith the fact that Grell is the opposite of everything Will standsfor…so how exactly would pairing them make William anything otherthan miserable?  I guess if it was a tortured, obsessive, dark,physical relationship where the two of them couldn’t get themselvesout of the mess they got sucked into—yeah, then it makes sense. But what I tend to see is something more towards fluff.  If they werein a relationship, how could this be anything but twisted?  You haveone guy who hides his feelings and has some major anger managementissues, and the other is a perverted psychopath who keeps emotionallymaniuplating everyone around them to get what they want and who haszero respect for William’s boundaries.  Taken seriously, it’s somesed up it’s not even funny, and this is why people append theadjective “abusive” to this ship.  Most people who don’t likethe ship don’t like it because they ship Will with someone else,but hell, I don’t think this man can be shipped with anyone becauseI don’t see how it fits his character.  Plus, he’s kind of awreck in some ways.  (See his character song.)

And,yeah, I’m going to go out on a limb and say it: neither one of themdeserve to be happy.  They’re supposed to be in something like apurgatory, atoning for their sins, so why should any reaper get tohave fun?  That includes Ronald, too…why does he have time to goout on dates and chase women?

Grellwould get bored fast and kick a sensitive William to the curb.  Thethrill is in seeking a man who does not return (misplaced)affections.  Plus, I’ve always maintained that Grell isn’t inlove with William, Grell’s in love with the IDEA of William—whichis pretty much what you have said.  Grell hasn’t taken the time—anddoesn’t respect William enough, or at all, for that matter—toactually get to know the real Will, and who Will is as a person.  AndWilliam doesn’t really seem to care at all because he’s toowrapped up in his job.

And,I’m sorry, but a serial killer doesn’t deserve to be happy, norhave things like positivity posts aimed at them.  Grell is such amess of a character on so many levels, and I find the fandom’sinterpretation and fetishization of Grell so grating and soexhausting, that by this point I don’t have the energy to careanymore.  Grell’s a poor man’s Schrodinger from Hellsing viewedthrough a yaoi lens…there was some potential for Grell to be a goodvillain, but that faded away because there’s nothing more for Grellto do in the story other than tease fans with a ship and have enoughscreen time to warrant making merchandise to sell.  It would be toohard, too serious, too deep and complicated for this manga and thisfandom to ship a psychopathic blood-painting villian with one of thefew decent characters in this story, so why not tone them both down abit?  Now it’s all, “aww, isn’t it cute?  Grell has softened. William is nicer, too.”  Shipping intensifies.  And the shipperscan sleep well at night knowing that Grell isn’t so murderous andWill isn’t so mean anymore.  Please.  It makes sense, though,because plot doesn’t matter as much as superficial things.

AndWilliam?  I hope he never comes back to this manga at this point.  Hehad such promise, he was a character who was so near and dear to myheart, but now I just want him free from this mess of a manga.  If heshows up, it’ll probably be to satisfy the role he’s now takenon: to be half of a ship.  He’s not going to get any characterdevelopment on his own.  (Even the anime gave him that.)  We haven’teven seen him fight anyone, and we’re over 130 chapters into thisstory.  And like hell he’ll ever team up with Sebastian to takedown Undertaker, even though we got a hint of some sort of battlewith UT in the Campania arc.  None of that matters now.

Dippinginto the Grelliam side of the fandom is something that soured me somuch from this fandom and Tumblr in general, that it pretty muchruined Will for me at this point, because it made me realize what histrue purpose in this manga is.  If Yana wants to waste a goodcharacter as simply the half of a tropey anime ship, fine, I get it. It’s what the fans want and it’s what draws people in.  The manganeeds to sell in order to survive and I’m one of those people whoview shipping and fanservice as a necessary evil.  I know now thatI’m not the target demographic.  I got the wrong impression fromthe earlier chapters of this manga.  I was misled on so many things,and I do realize now that I was looking for something else entirelyall along.  It just took me a while to figure it out.

Thanks,anon, for stopping by—if you want to come off anon and chat, I’mopen to that.  It might be nice to hear more of your thoughts onWill.  I hope this is the answer you were looking for.

[tree-of-blue-squirrel]

Strange guest - @cas-is-my-hero fic challenge

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing: Canonically possible mention of Destiel

Word count: 1440 words

Summary: Holy shit, the aliens are apparently a thing! (don´t tell Bobby)

Prompt:  what are you doing on my doorstep at 2 in the morning?

Warnings: none

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A soft knocking on a motel door, wouldn´t wake many of the people. Sam, however, wasn´t just a regular. Hunter instincts have saved him from many sticky situations. Also his intelligence, but he had to admit there were times when Dean could thought up of better tactics. Speaking of Dean, he was sleeping like a baby. Sam chose to not interumpt his sleep. Yesterday´s werewolf hunt had been an exhausting one. Sam grabbed a silver knife from his lampstand and cautiously approached the door. The werewolf they hunted down could have some buddies near the town. Nothing could´ve prepared him for the view he met when he opened the door though.

„Who are you and what are you doing on my doorstep at 2 in the morning ?“ he asked the hillariously short figure that stood in front of him, while holding his knife close. It certainly wasn´t a human.

„I come in peace.“ Said the figure in a shaky voice. „I-I´ve been cast out of my home planet.“

„Dean, wake up.“ Sam shouted out into the darkness of the room where his older brother slept, maintaining defensive stance, just in case the creature was lying.

„Sam, if you´re trying to get me to live healthy, you better stop now. I am not going jogging with you ever again!“ Dean waved his hand at Sam and turned on the other side. He was having such a nice dream. He wanted to go back and drown himself into those heavenly blue orbs. „I am not taking you jogging, and never will since the time you used my running clothes to get laid. This is an emergency!“ Sam´s voice was gradually getting more desperate.

„Is Hell freezing solid or what?“ asked Dean, finally getting up and fixing his wild hair sticking out in every angle possible and grabbing the nearest clean pair of pants.

„Sir, from the little I know about Hell and it´s culture, that´s scientifically impossible.“

„SON OF A BITCH!“ screamed Dean, subsequently getting stuck while trying to put on his flannel shirt. „Sam, WHAT is this ?“ he asked, pointing at the figure near Sam.

„Dean, calm down, it´s just a harmless refugee. I guess.“

„Also an alien. Actual, breathing, grey-skinned alien... wait, a refugee ?“

„Yes, sir, I am indeed what humans call refugee.“ Said the alien, with a glimpse of nostalgia in her big black eyes „I´ve crashed near your residence in the foliage of local growth. By the laws of Claes'od, I am your slave now.“

The small figure fell on the knees and bowed in front of the hunters. Neighter of them seemed to be comfortable with that.

„You are not our slave.“ Said Sam, „Laws in here forbid slavery. Plus, it would be highly immoral.“

„Sam´s right. We will get you back home to your kind in no time, pal.“

„No, you don´t understand! I can´t go home. I was exiled because I commited an unforgivable crime against my family.“ Ranted the disstressed alien. „When saving people from a burning building I put my mate before my parents, resulting in their death. THE MATE! Do you even realize what that means ? Blood is thicker than water, and that´s a law!“

„What´s your name ?“ asked Dean quietly, kneeling next to the small frame of the Claes'od

„Maxiprgpjadosj´evenuu“ she whined softly.

„Okay... Max.. ughh, can I call you that ?“ she nodded and Dean continued „You see, the world is not so simple. Same goes for the relationships. If your kind wants to dick around and make it a law, it´s their choose, but here on Earth, family doesn´t end in blood, and it doesn´t start there eighter.“

„Thank you, human Dean.“

„Now that that´s settled, we should probably hide the ship, or whatever you arived on, before anyone finds it. Last thing we need around now is guys from Area 51.“

„Oh don´t worry, the ship has invisibility shield that mimics it´s surroundings. Only beings with hightened perception of light wavelenght can see the minimal anomalies it causes.“

„Fair enough, but let´s go check it, just in case it isn´t hidden enough.“ Said Sam.

„Good idea.“ Agreed Max

„Let´s go ship-hunting then. I´ll man the flashlight.“ Said Dean with a child-like grin on his face.

The group of three had searched the bushes behind the motel up and down, but they couldn´t find anything, by seeing or just hitting it accidentally. As Max grew anxious, Dean was getting annoyed by it.

„I don´t understand. The ship is invisible, not immaterial. It´s gone.“ Max cried out

„Well, maybe that, or maybe you were just lying.“ Dean spat out his doubts

„Guys, I think it was rather stolen.“ Said Sam „There´s a tiny bit of sulphur.“

„So demons. This night just keeps getting better.“

„It´s not going to be the night for much longer. Max will need some disguise, and probably food.“

„Food ? Oh you must mean nutritiens. No, I do not. My species lives similarly to plants on this planet. We breathe oxygen and carbon dioxyde to create energy.“

„Well, that helps with a budget. Let´s find you some human clothes, then. Your current outfit could draw unwanted attention.“ Said Sam, pointing to the sleek fabric that shifted colors with every move.

Naturally, every piece of clothing was huge on Max, but after a bit of tearing and stitching here and there, Sam and Dean quickly made them suit her thin body.

„Now, just one last thing – a big hat and a pair of sunglasses.“ Said Dean putting them on. The hat couldn´t be tailored to fit Max´s small head, but with the sunglasses it covered most of her face.

„I think we are golden this way. Maybe we could head out to the Bob-“

The light in the cheap stinky motel room flickered. Most of the people wouldn´t be bothered by this, in fact they would expected the lights to flicker – but not the Winchesters.

„Grab a shotgun and let´s go. Looks like the demons came back.“ Shouted Dean, tossing one to Sam.

The trio ran towards the Impala and soon they were speeding on a highway followed by an enormous cloud of black smoke.

„We gotta get rid of them, Dean. They don´t seem to be keen on letting us go just like that.“

„I know Sam, but what chance do we stand. It´s not like we have demon-killing bombs on us. Our best chance is getting the demons as far from the town as possible and then put up the best fight we can manage.“

The atmosphere in the Impala was dark, but there still was a glistering sliver of hope. Max turned in her seat and studied the cloud closely.

„Do you have any kind of energy package on you that you don´t mind destroying ?“ she asked

„You mean a battery of some sort?“ Sam answered

„Yes, a battery. A smaller one, preferably.“ Said Max „But hurry, they are getting close.“

Sam quickly pulled out his phone out of his pocket and threw the battery from inside it into Max´s hands.

„Will do. Now, stop the transport machine, Dean, I need to get out.“

„Are you crazy ? Aparently they are after you, and we can´t fight them all.“

„You can´t fight them...“ Max corrected „...but I can.“ She took of her necklace with a large pendant made of strange stone. It seemed to glow softly, shifting even, as i fit contained something.

„When I´m out of the car, close your eyes. They are too delicate for what´s about to come.“

„Okay, Mad Max, but you have only one chance at this. Better make it count in the afterlife.“ Said Dean as he jumped on breaks and send the Impala into spin. The front now faced the smoke which menacingly flew closer with every second.

Max didn´t wait for second signal. She jumped out of car, with phone battery and the pendant, one in each hand. She joined them together in a loud bang as the sparks of electricity cracked around it. She threw the pendant on the ground as she looked fiercely into the smoke.

„Eat this“

The battery flew right into the middle of the cloud and exploded from the amount of energy it was forced to take in.

Luckily, they´ve been far enough from the town, so the citizens only saw something very similar to fireworks.

„What a bunch of idiots... It´s not the 4th of July yet.“ Old, grumpy sheriff Todd said to himself as he fell back into dreamless sleep.

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honorable tag: @cas-is-my-hero​ - because you can´t just ditch the prompt source

tags: @moostache @dragon-tail @wildtendermythologia @shit-happens-bitchachos @mishacrazyworld @snovolovac @nicowhereinhadesareyou @geekself @funnycas - feel free to reblog and spread this like a wildfire (it´s not funny or anything, but hey, I am narcissist who wants some attention, sue me for that xD)