#and i just tried to play but i nearly cried cuz im just so upset

[feline-evil]

Oh yeah i forgot to say here too cuz i'm more likely to stay at least a little active on here through it since it serves me slightly less rage inducing dickheads that i'll pick a fight with, but something upsetting as happened and i'm definitely not going to be in a good mood for a while so my activity online may go down.

My cat unexpectedly declined rapidly overnight and had to be put down yesterday, i do not always cope with loss well, i've lost a lot of people and animals in my life. We buried her, i helped dig, i dug with my bare hands because i couldn't wield the shovel properly with how fucked my arms are and my entire body started shaking halfway through and is still trembling the day after. I had to look after my parents through this, they cried, i didn't, emotions don't work right in me anymore. I'm giving all this information to paint a clear enough picture as to why i'm not here to be fucked with at the moment. I don't want to deal with stupid fucking twitter discourse that makes me want to punch a wall, i don't want to deal with pathetic cunts who have a problem with some nobody like me and harass me whenever i have anon on here, so as you can imagine considering both of these are fucking constants when im online for some fucking reason, my activity might be spotty.

I loved my cat a lot, she was already nineteen when she turned up outside my door terrified of people, scrounging through the small food waste bin. She looked so starved and feral i thought she was gonna die back then, i spent days slowly working up her trust, sitting by my door talking soft, not making eye contact, just letting her get used to me; i needed to check her condition, needed to know if i could help. She was filthy, flea ridden and starved, her little bald ears burnt and painful. Eventually she trusted me enough to take food, then be touched, and then a week later she was in the house. Two weeks she stayed the first time, kept warm and safe with blankets and food; a toothless, ancient cat i felt sure we were given a few final days respite before she passed. Her owners turned up after those two weeks. Our neighbours two doors down. They took her back, i was not happy. But as soon as they let her outside again she ran right on back to us purring and purring as much as she could, curling right back up in her blankets. After this happened time and time again eventually the neighbours let us keep her, i'm so glad that they did because she began to heal. Her ears cleared up, her fur became soft and silky, she started behaving like a normal cat again; she put a little weight on, never a lot, but enough to not look starved, and she even tried to gain her meow back (she was a silent meower, that she never managed to fix, but she did start to make a little noise).

She was with us for three years past that, or nearly three it wouldve been three next month, and she was the sweetest cat in the world; she didn't often have energy to play, she wasn't the adventurous sort, she just wanted to lie near you and purr. She'd cry and howl if she couldnt find us, she never bit or deliberately scratched, she was an absolute gentle soul. When we moved it was the best thing for her, going to a smaller, easier to navigate house with a lovely safe, enclosed out door space; she got to feel the sun and the dirt again for those last few months, but safely, not as some poor frail animal left outside to fend for herself.

The vet told us her organs had failed when we took her yesterday, that even if she were a younger cat she'd be a candidate for humane euthanasia. There was no coming back from that. It was her time, we knew, the decline she had overnight was a sign she was ready to go; to keep her from saying goodbye would be crueller than letting her go. She was 21, nearly 22. I found fragments of a blue china plate in the dirt we dug for her, i kept it, its so pretty. I made her a bouquet out of tiny wild flowers from the garden. She's buried in her favourite spot. I'm really happy i got to put in the work to give her the life she deserved even if it was only for her last few years.

[sleepycoric]

ok.............wig