#and i know i also sucked as a kid/didnt come out of the womb knowing the ins and outs of everything

[frankierohugejorts]

i love when ppl use buzzwords to moralize their dislike of something. i just saw someone unironically call following a band's tour/going to multiple dates "stalking"

[twinklecheeks]

Friends With Benefits (Jeff Wittek Imagine) Part 3

Summary: Jeff and Y/N have been hooking up for a while. The whole vlog squad assumes they’re dating and Y/N does too but Jeff doesn’t like labels. He eventually starts to express interest in Natalie.

Note: Sorry I always post at night! I usually take the day to type and then release it at night. Planning on making this a multiple part series, depending on how good it does. You’re 21 & Latina in this (maybe) series. Also, I’d like to apologize for the typos, if there is any. I’m just illiterate lmao.  

Warnings! pregnancy.

Part 1, Part 2

Word Count: 1.9k

For the past week, you’ve been trying to figure out ways of telling the vlog squad that you’re pregnant… Would it be easier just to tell everyone at one or do one/two people at a time? UGH WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SO DIFFICULT. You have to tell them asap because you’ll be able to know the gender in a month and you want them to be there. You decide to do something different for every couple of people in the squad but before you do, it’s time for your first ultrasound!

The last time you got this done, you were 9-10 weeks pregnant, so you were LATE finding out you were pregnant. You wanted to find the best doctor you can find and luckily, Kylie set you up with the same one she had. You brought Stass and Kylie to the appointment because they begged you. Doctor: *walks in* Hey y/n how are you feeling? Y/n: I don’t feel as sick anymore but I’ve been feeling really full lately. I didn’t think my stomach would pop out so early. I was thinking maybe it’s because I’m a small and short? Doctor: ‘maybe. Layback and let me take a look” she put the cold jelly on your stomach and starts looking around with the doppler. She finds the baby and you see it wiggling around. Kylie & Stass: “You’re giving us major baby fever rn.” The doctor turns on the heart monitor and you hear a strong heart beat. To you, it sounds normal, but to the doctor, she hears something else. She moves the doppler some more and she sees something. Doctor: “umm miss, how thorough was the ultrasound you had in the ER?” Y/n: “I don’t know, they had a lot of people and they did it a little quick? Why do you ask?” She moves the doppler to what she saw and you see another blob appear. Doctor: “if they would’ve been more thorough and taken time, they would’ve told you that you’re having twins. You, Kylie & Stass: “TWINS???!?!?!!!” Doctor: “Yes. It seemed to be that baby B was hiding behind baby A.” None of you had words. You were having twins… TWO KIDS. You felt like you were having the biggest fever dream of your life but you knew this was real. You already told your family you were pregnant but know you gotta tell them that you’re having TWO? Oh hell no. Doctor: “do you want picture?” Y/n: “uhhhh, sure?” You all walked out of the appointment speechless. Kylie: “well that happened.”

*A few days later*

I took you a couple of days to process that you’re eating for 3. You wanted to do something simple cause you didnt wanna stress yourself out anymore than you already are.

David, Jason & Josh:

(Remember when Erin pranked David and Josh that she was pregnant but it was really an ovarian cyst? It’s gonna be set up like that.)

You asked them to come with you and film in your tesla so you can film a car mukbang. You had the pregnancy test with the old ultrasound picture with only one baby in the glove compartment and you had the one that shows the twins in your pocket. Y/n: *filming a mukbang* “Hey guys! I have David, Josh and Jason here with me, say hi.”  All three of them: “Hi!!!” Y/n: “Since I had no other ideas this week, my last resort was this. So have fun watching us stuff our faces with food.” You drove to Chick-Fil-A, in n out and jack in the box. Once you got everything, You parked in a parking lot, but before you start, you asked David to get you some “napkins” that were in your glove compartment and you saw his eyes go wide. David: “Shut the fuck up.” Jason and Josh are in the backseat all confused and David shows them. Jason: “No you’re not.” You’re just sitting there all nervous/ laughing and all you can say is “yes I am.” David is crying cause he loves babies, Jason & Josh are congratulating you. David: “Who’s the dad?” Y/n: “He’s not in the picture.” They all look at you with sad eyes. Jason: “we’ll be here to help with everything at anytime.” Your hormonal ass is getting the best of you and you try to hold back the tears. Y/n: “oh! One more thing. That was the first ultrasound from 3-4 weeks ago, this one was from a couple of days ago” They all see the two blobs. All three boys: “ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS YOU’RE HAVING TWINS?.” David: “Can I plan the gender reveal party?? Y/N: “Sorry, Kylie already called dibs.” David: “You told Kylie before us? Wow that’s cold.” Y/n: “Oh shut up. She was my only friend my age that has a baby. I had to get advice.” David: “ To make it up to me, If one of them is a boy, can you please name it David Jr.” Y/n: “Yes…. for 250k.” Jason: “Honestly, I wouldn’t put it past him… cause it would probably be sponsored by seatgeek.” David: *looks to the camera* “You heard it yourself people. If she has a boy, she’ll name it David Jr. for 250k. “ Y/n: “Damn now I’m kinda scared”

NEXT DAY, Corinna & Mariah:

Okay so that went well, I gonna do a 2 truths, 1 lie with Corinna & Mariah. They’re gonna be playing on the same team, so it’s 2 against 1, well 2 against 3 lol. After about 3 rounds, it was a tie (I lied on other ones so we can tie.) Y/N: “Okay so my first one is that I broke my leg when I was 15, 2. I hate Corinna’s dog and 3. I’m pregnant. Mariah: “Oh what the fuck….. Ummm.” Corinna: “Wait, you hate Carl?!” Y/n: “Just answer the question.” Mariah & Corinna: “The lie has to be that you’re pregnant.” Y/n: “the lie is that I hate Carl.” It took them a minute to understand what I said. Mariah: ‘YOU’RE FUCKING PREGNANT.” Corinna: “OH MY GOD NO WAAAY.” Y/n: “Oh and one more thing! “Shows them the twin ultrasound.” Mariah & Corinna: ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING.” Corinna: “Are they Jeff’s?” Y/n: “Is it that obvious?” Mariah: “Kind of. The boys haven’t noticed because they’re idiots.”

NEXT DAY: Kristen, Scotty, Todd, Zane, Heath & Matt:

(I made this a big collab cause I was running out of ways to tell people)

So for this reveal, I asked the six of them to send in their silly baby/kid pictures so we can react to them. The last pic will be of the twin ultrasound. Y/n: *filming* “Hey guys! I’m here with Kristen, Scotty, Todd, Zane, Heath & Matt, say hi.” All 6 of them: “Hi!!!” Y/n: “This week, we’ll be reacting to our childhood photos and maybe roast them.” All of the pictures were so 90s. Kristen with the classic ruffled poofy dresses, Matt looking like a nerdy kid, Zane holding Hidaya when she was born, 7 year old Scotty singing into a hair brush…. And then the final picture, my twin ultrasound. Everybody was so confused. Zane: “Did someone eat their twin in the womb? cause aint none of us a twin.” And then someone finally noticed. Matt: “Y/n why is your name at the corner of that ultrasound?” Kristen: “NO YOU’RE NOT.” Heath: “OOOO BITCH SHE GONNA HAVE 2 LITTLE COFFEE BEANS.” Scotty and Todd are just speechless. You’re wondering if Todd knew about you and Jeff because he’s his best friend…

You pulled aside Kristen and told her Everything. The only people you can trust with who the dad is are the girls. Kristen: “Are you gonna tell him?” Y/n: “No… He doesn’t treat me right. If he’s never treated me right, how is he gonna treat these babies?”

Todd & Jeff on a hike:

Todd: “Hey, did you hear that Y/n is pregnant?” Jeff: “whoa no I didn’t. Who told you that?” Todd: “y/n did. She revealed it in a collab she was doing with others. She’s having twins.” Jeff: “Jesus Christ, twins? That’s gonna be terrible.” Todd: “She must’ve forgot to tell you. Maybe pregnancy brain really is a thing.” Jeff’s thoughts: “I knew that bitch was sleeping with other people. There’s no way those babies are mine. She had no right trying to get mad at me cause I’d ghost her. Thank god I’m with Natalie. She’s like no one I’ve ever dated before.”

Hanging out with Kylie & Stass:

I told all of the vlog squad. Stass: “Did you tell Jeff?” Y/n: “No, but Olivia told me that Todd told him. I think Jeff is too dumb to connect the dots. He won’t figure it out.” Kylie: “Are you sure you don’t want to tell him? You’re having twins and one baby is already a lot but two? You need the help. You know what, I can hire nannies for you.” Y/n: “What? No, you don’t have to do that. I don’t wanna spend your money.” Kylie: “It’s not like I’m running out. You do remember that I’m a billionaire, right?” Stass & Y/n: “How could we forget lol.”

David, Jason & Josh POV

David: “It sucks that y/n is gonna be a single mom. It’s gonna be a lot; 2 babies and she’s in her last year of college. I hope she’ll be okay.” Jason: “She’ll be fine. She has all of us to look out for her.” Josh: “I have my own kid to watch, so I’ll probably not be as much help.” David: “She has been one of the best friends I’ve ever had. We met on vine in 2015, we met up here in LA and then the rest was history. She was really there for me when Liza and I broke up. She was my shoulder to cry on. Honestly, I’d do anything for her.” Jason: “Do you have a thing for y/n?” David stayed silent. Josh: “I’m not sure if it’d be the right time to try to win her over. She has a lot going on.” David: “It’s getting pretty late, y’all should be heading home. Jason: “Yeah. I have to pick up Charlie and Wyatt early tomorrow. Josh: “The wife doesn’t like that I stay out late, goodnight.”

David thinking to himself:

I’ve had a thing for y/n for a while now but I don’t know. It’s obvious that she had a thing with Jeff. Because of those 2 fights they had in my backyard, I wouldn’t be surprised if Jeff was the father. I was mad at how Jeff spoke about her. She not like that at all! I mean, it’s not wrong if she were but no one should ever talk to a women like that. I’ll help her as much as possible; I’m not opposed if anything were to spark between us along the way…

Back to Y/n, Kylie & Stass:

Kylie: “When’s your next appointment?” Y/n: “2-3 weeks, why?” Kylie: “Cause by that time, WE CAN FIND OUT THE GENDER OF THE BABIES!” Stass: “She’s obviously gonna go all out. Did you see Stormi’s first birthday? I swear it looked bigger than a sweet 16.” Y/n: “Oh boy… or girl…”

------------------------

We get to find out the genders in the next chapter!! She’ll be like 16 weeks by then… I’m excited! I’ve already decided what both are gonna be… There’s gonna be some surprises! Oh and David has a thing for y/n? Ooooo girl the Tea is HOT. I also just realized the date of the video I picked when y/n and Jeff diddled (yes I said diddled).... The date on the video says 7/20…. That means the twins are due 4/20……. I swear I didn’t plan that lmao.

Taglist: @elvlogsquad @siemprestan @zavidzobrik @1-800-juniper @iminlovewithenchilidadas @ilsolee

[loyoo391]

Bitter butthurt black women who hate interracial dating (especially from my kar-jenner queens) need to suck a fucking dick and get over it. I love the girls even though their pr team suckssssss and need to step it up to protect my girls lmao. But back to the point. Woke black women are some of the most bitter and disgusting girls i have ever seen ever in life and have spewed some of the most hateful rhetoric i have ever seen. And this is coming from a black women. But here’s my main complaints

• The whole “they only fuck you and fetishize you but won’t love you” is a woke version of the nice guy syndrome. You want a cookie and demand to be wifed because you don’t have any biases against black men? Seriously? Whats the difference between that mentality and the nice guy syndrome? Nobody owes you shit. And this whole “they will never love you so stay on this side and dont go anywhere” is the same rhetoric abusive men use to make sure their abused wives don’t leave.

• Why do yall INSIST that yall will love and raise mixed kids better than the white women that give birth to them? There is SO much that goes into parenting- more than just race issues. You’re literally responcible for bringing a whole human being into this world and raising them to become a functioning member of society. And here’s the truth: white women do NOT need permission slips from the black community to have black kids. Literally there are millions of checklists that go into parenting. The only difference when it comes to raising a chuld of a different race is: don’t be racist, learn to do hair (every race has to learn to do that tbh), and be there for them if they discuss racism (tbh every parent is supposed to be there for their kids if theu discuss a tough time). That’s it.

• If the same amount of races found us attractive we would be with the interracial dating shit. Don’t lie. (And tbh they probably do, we (especially me) just have work harder to get that attention). It’s so easy to get caught up in incel culture and create a victim complex. But lets be real, its a setback but i feel like if we work hard and present ourselves well...then we’ll be fine. Soon as i lose this weight i’m back in the game baby. 😎

• Yall actually just hate interracial dating and just want to hide a “woke” reason behind it to seem justified. Periodt.

• BLACK WOMEN FETISHIZE BLACK MEN AS MUCH AS WHITE WOMEN DO. Literally what’s wrong with thinking black guys are hot? All the reasons yall say yall hate white women for are shit YALL do. Yall sit there and say yall hate when they say they love black dick but YALL say yall love black dick soooooo what is the issue???? Yall will sit there and THIRST over lance gross and odell beckums brown skin but if a white girl does the SAME shit yall call foul play? And don’t sit there and say “okay well we actually LOVE and CARE and RESPECT our black men”. What? People love others on an individual basis. You can’t come and convince a white wife that black women love and respect her black husband MORE than the white wife will. You just can’t do that. Oh and stop demanding to be shown love from married black men in interracial relationships. Someone who’s married doesn’t owe you shit.

• The reasons yall give black men to not date outside their race are just as blantabtly stupid and the reasons people use to give for not dating black women. “Don’t date them bc they cant season their food or do black hair!!!” This is a LEARNED trait. Yall acting like they literally couldn’t just get up at any given moment and time and learn how to season their food or do black hair. Also, black women didn’t come out of the womb knowing all the things they know about seasoning food and doing hair. They learned. And white woman can equally learn too. Just because they didnt grow up doing it doesn’t mean they won’t learn. And you see all those youtube videos on how to do black hairstyles? You reslly think its majority white women watching this? NO its majorty black women. So idk why yall call out white women for not being able to do black hair when yall cant do it either. Did YALL black women do every single hairstyle on your black child? No. You took them to a salon because you didn’t know how to do it yourself. So why do white women of mixed kids who can’t do hair get more slander when black women with black kids can’t do black hair either. Garunteed, black girls obviously have more experience due to dealing with their own hair but my point still stands. These generic ass reason are just as stupid as the people who used to say “dont date black girls bc they don’t wear their natural hair out and they wear wigs” or “you cant go swimming with black girls” or dumb shit. As if them wearing protective hairstyles is the be-all, end-all, dealbreaker. Such a stupid reason. Stop convincing people to be afraid of love.

• also the whole “the non-black family wont accept you” shit is dumb. Whose to say the black family will accept me? There could be a plethora of reasons a family couldnt accept me, from me being buddhist instead of catholic or for my job profession or my personality or just cultural differences or mannerisms in general. This could happen in any family of any race. The only difference is in a black family, the only thing you won’t have to worry about is racism. Not to say that racism is a small thing bc racism is a big deal. But like...you’re not automatically going to be accepted by a family because yall are the same race. Wtf.

• Yall actually do just hate interracial dating. Its not for a justified reason. I know this because there are black men who actually have never said or done a single harmful thing to black women or the black comunity (dwayne the rock johnson, and other men) and yall STILL hate them. So clearly yall just hate just to hate.

• i love the last part of the post. Its not white womens fault that black men bash black girls. They aren’t at fault for that. And tbh i have seen lots of white women say nice things about my hair meanwhile james and kyles dumbass from burger king bashed me. Thats why you can’t convince me that cultural appropriation is inheritly a bad thing bc i went my whole life being seen as ugly. Now people love me and my hair and people wanna convince me that’s a bad thing? And i get the whole “they praise it on them and bash it on us” mentality. Bc that sucks. But Like we can call out the people bashing black women for it. Not the white girls who think is pretty.

White women, continue to date and fuck whoever. Honestly nobody cares. There is zero difference between black women wanting to fuck black guys bc they think they’re hot and white women wanting to fuck black guys bc they think they’re hot.

[gulescamisade]

Alaska:  Day 9, Hot Springs and Biotech

[[ As the group moves carefully through the cave system, accompanied only by occasional sounds of dripping water, and small pattering sounds, they are also able to detect a trickling far steadier than the distinct drips in the duration of their walk. Something exceptionally weird to note: the coolness within the cave miraculously appears to dissipate the more they travel. ]]

REDGLARE: -weird but not at all to question a good thing. Their protection against the elements is hardly adequate... perhaps they've stumbled across some underground stream? The liquid from the stalactites are hardly adequate.-

[[ Better than an underground stream. As they turn a bend in the caves, an underground hot springs seems too good to be true. But there it is. In front of them. Waiting. ]]

REDGLARE: -SHE... SHE THOUGHT THEY COULDN'T POSSIBLY BE SERIOUS ABOUT HOT SPRINGS??? THEY'RE REAL AND ACTUALLY HERE????-

[[ Absolutely. Happy Wriggling Day, everyone. Except you, Dave. Happy Forced Exit from the Womb Day. ]]

REDGLARE: -shes stripping down for the water. WHO CARES WHO SEES WHAT AT THIS POINT. her wings have been aching and her leg is... her leg is NOT GREAT. it actually stings sharply as she lowers herself into one of the pools.-

[[ Good thing the water isn't searing hot since Redglare didnt check the temperature and might as well have cannonballed in. The water temperature itself is pleasant, much like a very very warm bath. There are even bubbles rising to the surface. Yall have your very own hot tub. ]]

NYALAH: -the days have been one dizzying painful black out to the next. She was barely able to crawl into consciousness now, much less make it standing up on her own. Her side was in a painful mend by this point, her body suffering from a lack of food or water.-

NYALAH: -despite her commitment to silence the whole time they were exploring and dodging biotech zombies, surviving the blizzard, Nyalah was forcing herself to stagger after Redglare. Also discovering the hot springs as they happen.-

NYALAH: -breath shallow from the effort and the hand clutching at her side, she follows suit, not even bothering to remove her own clothes. The dunking is nigh.-

NYALAH: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh -as the warm water touches her skin. Her body is going to have a time adjusting but at the same time, she gives little next to no shits about the risk of hyperthermia. The cat troll grits her teeth and shivers, lowering into the water.- mmmmmmh

DAVE: -getting in while in his boxers is a bad idea, considering that if his boxers get wet it's gonna be a hell of a time trying to get them dry again. and with his sensitive human skin, he really has no choice but to do what he needs to to get in there- ok im getting nude heads up DAVE: if you dont want to see my frozen dick look away -with his back in bad shape, getting his boxers off is QUITE the task-

REDGLARE: You don't h4v3 to 1ntroduc3 1t to us. -guh. pets Nyalah's head. She knows a little too little about wilderness survival to consider what the next step AFTER this would be, or how bad it would be to try wandering out into the cold after getting soaking wet, but whatever. This is. pretty ok.-

NYALAH: (i love to die) -whispers at Redglare. Even in near death, she meme.-

KARKAT: =It's a 12th perigees miracle. He's going to help Dave with his undies like a good rail then help him in and also get the fuck in himself= I've never been happier to lose a fucking bet.

DAVE: -thanks karkat. he manages to get inside and FUCK ITS SO WARM IT MAKES HIS ENTIRE BODY TINGLE-

KARKAT: =it's hot as hell but guess what he's going to drink this water too becauae goddamn=

REDGLARE: -GODDAMN IS RIGHT-

NYALAH: -gargles water and ends up spitting it up. Her wide open broken horn is TOO SEARINGLY AWARE of temperature changes. Also she is probably making the water around her a kool-aid olive green.-

REDGLARE: -this is probably unsanitary what with HER open wound discoloring the water too.-

KARKAT: =to hell with sanitation tbh=

DAVE: -at least it's warm-

KARKAT: =his gills were dry and cracking and are now filtering their blood and various bacteria. YES. AT LEAST IS WARM=

NYALAH: -sighs, finally.... finally breathing easy.-

NYALAH: ....

NYALAH: this sucks

[[ Good thing that the temperature of the springs is hot enough to kill bacteria! They're getting clean, their wounds are being sanitized, and now they have plenty of water. No dehydration happening any time soon! ]]

NYALAH: -still sucks.-

REDGLARE: 1t d03s.

KARKAT: =Can the water also drown him? Plz, thnx. Hisses softly and just. Bye forever, sinks into it=

DAVE: -he's just gritting his teeth and letting himself settle-

NYALAH: -rests her head on the back of a rock.- i died like thr33 times

NYALAH: -sniffs-

NYALAH: what if steak happens right now i would eat so much

NYALAH: and have whipped cream donuts for desserts

REDGLARE: -She laughs, eyes sinking shut as she just... leans back.-

REDGLARE: th3r3's b4ts.

REDGLARE: 4lmost 4s good.

BATS: =how very dare??=

NYALAH: yeh rabies gives it flavor

DAVE: -peeks down to see where the fuck karkat went-

KARKAT: =hes just letting his gills get some use=

REDGLARE: C4n't b3 th3 worst of our probl3ms.

REDGLARE: -nudges at her weakly.-

REDGLARE: H4v3n't you h4d your shots.

NYALAH: -rrrrrs, eyes going a little glinty- could go for some shots

MINDFANG: -She is into the hot water up to her neck and it is the greatest feeling for her battered rib cage and near frozen extremities, its near god damn euphoric.-

NYALAH: ...

NYALAH: o shit

NYALAH: -reaches into her pocket and pulls out a WHOLE DRENCHED WEED.-

NYALAH: ................................ -snRRRRKS.-

NYALAH: they never took it

KARKAT: =eyeballs the wet weed and emerges slowly= What, you making tea?

REDGLARE: -She opens up her eye to look at it.-

REDGLARE: -snorts...-

DAVE: oh shit

DAVE: find a way for us to consume it effectively

MINDFANG: -Opens one eye at Nyahla and sees the one whole weed.-

MINDFANG: -Snrks.- You are quite the smuggler.

NYALAH: -she's too busy wheezing about the stupid doobie but also eyeballs everyone.- yes

NYALAH: -totally obligated to make nip tea now. Fuck.-

DAVE: you had pain relief all this time

NYALAH: no cups tho

NYALAH: ...

NYALAH: -just eats a piece of this blunt.-

REDGLARE: ...

REDGLARE: 1s th4t-

REDGLARE: c4n you do th4t?

REDGLARE: -squints...-

DAVE: thats one way to go about it

NYALAH: its nip

NYALAH: yes -Cat trolls do it all the time, just ask them.-

NYALAH: -passes redglare the bit weed-

KARKAT: Great just nibble a little of it. =sinks back in the water and sighs out his nose÷

MITUNA: -Doing a dead mans float in the water-

MINDFANG: -Is Mituna even alive-

DAVE: -ME NEXT ME NEXT-

REDGLARE: -nibbles and passes...-

MITUNA: -Unfortunately, he is very much alive-

MINDFANG: -You crazy kids and your wet weed nibbling.-

[[ The small pattering sounds return, little by little. ]]

REDGLARE: -Frowns, sitting up.-

[[ pitterpatter ]]

MINDFANG: -She rises out of the water some by sitting up straighter at the sound, and looking in the direction of where it is coming from if she can pinpoint it.- .......

KARKAT: =fins flick towards it, he will fucking eat whatever this is. He doesn't care anymore=

DAVE: -What the fuck NOW?!-

MINDFANG: -If its more wolves she is going to be pissed.-

NYALAH: -also rises, hiss faint in her throat.-

REDGLARE: -hefting that rock club and climbs out of the water ass naked to fight a wolf- >;I

DAVE: - he has no choice but to wait-

KARKAT: =redglares not going it alone. Here comes gives-none-fucks vantas=

MINDFANG: -Shes moving towards the edge and slowly lifting herself out of the water. Its difficult for her to want to leave the warmth thats soothing her body aches but danger takes priority.-

NYALAH: -low key 👀emojis tbh. I mean. If this is how it ends for Nyalah. Sure.-

[[ It's not a wolf....but a fish! An eyeless cave fish, to be precise. Isn't nature amazing? Except it's body is lying parallel to the floor, away from any water source. It flops. ]]

CAVE FISH: =flop flop flop!=

NYALAH: -mmmm oh my god. She's so hungry.-

KARKAT: =Alright, great he really will eat that. But more like eyeball it then approach... where did it come from?=

MINDFANG: -Stares at the eyeless fish. On one hand, potential food source. On the other, suspicion of any earth life form after the wolf incident.-

MINDFANG: Curious.

DAVE: does it have teeth  

NYALAH: -👁️👁️- i do

REDGLARE: To h3ll w1th 1t. -SORRY FISH. she's just gonna casually bash its head.- 1t's food.

[[ As soon as she does this, it twists around, revealing some biotech embedded into its side. Sprouting four, thin, metal limbs, it begins pattering back and forth, appearing somewhat confused. ]]

MINDFANG: -HHHHH. Of course.-

KARKAT: =LIFTS A ROCK. A BIG ROCK. TOO BIG FOR THE LITTLE BIOTECH=

MINDFANG: -She is doing the same as Karkat, only her rock is a bit smaller. Not everyone can have seadweller strength.-

KARKAT: =He's just frustrated and sick of all of every single turd. SMASHES it on the small thing=

DAVE: OH FUCK NO

KARKAT: =He'll do you this solid for not being an entire ass this whole time. Thanks for that, he appreciates it 👍=

[[ It deded. ]]

[[ Splat. ]]

[[ There is more skittering in the distance. ]]

REDGLARE: Sh1t. sh1t. -She got her hopes up, for a second. A second too long.-

SEAKRAIT: -And in the darkness of this area of cave she rolls in seemingly from nowhere, accompanied by... you know, some more friends.-

[[ Lampetra and some more angry Earth animals, specifically. ]]

MINDFANG: -Annnnnnnnd it just got worse.-

MINDFANG: -Shes not putting down her rock for you jerks.-

LAMPETRA: =Hello friends!=

NYALAH: -Endless torment. She hisses.-

KARKAT: =LIFTS HIS ROCK AGAIN.=

KARKAT: =He will bowl you hoes, wordlessly. Fuck you. All the way. 500%=

REDGLARE: Wh4t 4r3 you do1ng h3r3? -SHE'S WET AND NAKED AND THERE ARE JUST SO MANY HORRIBLE MONSTERS-

SEAKRAIT: -She's taking this chance in the larger cave space to put her back against Lampetra's and stand her ground against the scuttling creatures; there's a snowshoe hare, more wolves, a couple lynxes, oh and also A FUCKING BEAR.-

LAMPETRA: Just like old times, Huh?

SEAKRAIT: \|/e came to-- -FUCK. She's slicing at a leaping wolf.-

LAMPETRA: =He's batting aside a crazed bunny with his shield=

KARKAT: =FOR SOME REASON HE DOESN'T WANT TO BOWL THE BEAR= Oh good. The animals are doing our work for us. AND YET I CAN'T HELP BUT WANT TO ASSIST THEM. HMM. WEIRD!

REDGLARE: -Limping towards them and the fight. She's barely armed but she's still going to swing her rock down at one of the lynxes.-

KARKAT: =Redglare you missed the assholes.=

REDGLARE: Hff. N3v3rm1nd. Th4t c4n w41t. Wh4t 4r3 th3y.

KARKAT: =Growls, chucks a rock at a bear. Whatever.=

DAVE: -he's gonna need help out of this spring when everything calms down. for now, he watches-

NYALAH: -she can't possibly hope to defend herself in this state. Her side is still splitting with pain and fear is keeping her immobile for the moment. Does her best to wiggle out of the water at least.-

MINDFANG: I highly agree with that feeling. -It would be great if the animals killed those two. Although then she wouldnt get the chance to try and do it herself.... damn. Looks like shes helping.-

MINDFANG: -Time to punch another wolf in the face.-

LAMPETRA: =He raised his shield as the rabbit forcibly leapt at them, making a dull THONK against the metal.=

LAMPETRA: Long story short, Alternia dove too deep in trying to enhance biologicial technology. It became sentient.

NYALAH: -actually laughs over in her corner. Don't look at her.- nah shit bruh

[[ The lynx Redglare clonked staggered backward, only to move toward her, it's limbs contorting as it was forced forward again. ]]

SEAKRAIT: -huffs and slings her axe again, trying to batter the wolf down long enough that she can hit the exposed bioware-

REDGLARE: -As long as this club holds out, she's going to keep bashing, teeth gritted, looking for that horrible little thing keeping the corpse moving. SHES ALREADY KIND OF SHAKING.-

REDGLARE: How m4ny mor3?

[[ The bear roars an unnatural bear sound and charges at Karkat. ]]

LAMPETRA: Lots??

NYALAH: -curls in some elevated spot, possibly protecting Dave.-

KARKAT: =did it like the rock? He think that means yes. Alright. Time to sock it in its cute angry face with fish fist=

MINDFANG: And you had the pleasure of leading them all this way. -She growls and attacks one of the wolves with her strong robot fist while trying to locate the bioware to rip it out.-

[[ Eventually, Redglare's rapid, continuous bashing manages to strike precisely upon the bit of tech burrowed behind the ear of the lynx. The animal no longer moves. ]]

SEAKRAIT: -SLICE goes this biowolf, and she's spinning around to throw her axe toward the bear's back now that it's distracted. Bye axe tho...-

DAVE: -nyalah you're a babe-

DAVE: -keepin calm...-

NYALAH: -dave youre really nude rn.-

LAMPETRA: =Without having to spare a glance over his shoulder, he swung his shield around him and Seakrait, knocking back another wolf as it leapt at them.=

MITUNA: -Still floating in the water-

BIOBUNNY: =I'LL BITE YER LEGS OFF=

LAMPETRA: =kicks it!= This is just freaky, man!

BIOBUNNY: =flies off into the darkness=

SEAKRAIT: -bye bunnicula...-

DAVE: -i'm super naked yes but i am in this spring-

NYALAH: -now would be such a great selfie time tbh.-

NYALAH: -but alas...-

[[ The bear ROARS at the axe and the punch to the face. The axe hit a piece of bioware, but not the whole thing; it's sort of limping now, trying to wrestle Karkat. ]]

DAVE: -my camera was taken :(-

KARKAT: =dont worry they can kick the camera out these guys after fightingthese animals. Karkat quick to catch on at least foing to grab the bear muzzle to rip out the rest of the bioware.=

[[ The wolf does not appreciate Mindfang's groping and goes to nom her arm. But her efforts are partially successful. Her searching has uncovered biotech beneath the fur at its jawline. ]]

BEAR: -COLLAPSES HEAVY and probably a good bit onto Karkat. A blanket.-

MINDFANG: -It doesn't feel good to have it chewing on her circuits, but its better then having it chew on any other part of her. She grits her teeth and tries to hold it back like this while she claws at the biotech with her other hand.-

SEAKRAIT: -spin kicks another lynx; the animal parade is ALMOST done for now. This should be easy cleanup if they keep at it-

KARKAT: =Cozy as this is he throws the bear husk on some other animals. Dangerously close to Seakrait and Lampetra=

REDGLARE: -She is at least partially motivated by spite as she tries to rip the axe out of the bear's back, swinging down at the MONSTROSITIES.-

LAMPETRA: =at Karkat= :\ =Hey man, uncool.=

DAVE: -ARE YOU REALLY SAYING WHAT'S UNCOOL RIGHT NOW-

KARKAT: =He stares back, he doesn't fucking care=

SEAKRAIT: -ITS WHATEVER MAN. She leans out of the way with a pant-

NYALAH: -put some pants on, Dave. Nyalah is handing him her own pair of pants. She can stand around in boxers, it's fine.-

[[ Redglare's strife specibus switches from CLUBKIND to AXEKIND in a hilarious turn of events. ]]

NYALAH: -👀 -

[[ It's easy for Mindfang to feel around as the wolf is preoccupied with her other arm. Just be careful that the wiring doesnt consider you to be a better host! ]]

DAVE: -carefully uses arm strength alone to get himself OUT of the hotsprings despite thow bad it's making the pain shoot through his arms, too. his boxers are still right there, so he thankfully tries to maneuver the boxers AND nyalah's pants on-

NYALAH: -Finally. The dicks out thing was being really distracting.-

REDGLARE: -PROBABLY LOSES HER STALAGMITE AS A RESULT but whatever. ITS COOL. I mean it does kinda suck when someone takes your signature weapon though RIGHT- REDGLARE: -I MEAN GOSH THAT MUST REALLY SUCK-

[[ The stalagmite is indeed launched out of Redglare's hands, where it hits the rabbit squarely in the face as it reemerged from the shadows. ]]

MINDFANG: -IT BETTER NOT. Shes going to rip it out with her bare hand and try and crush it as fast as possible. Before her arm gets any more dented from these chomps.-

SEAKRAIT: Redglare! -decidedly tosses RG's cane her way now that the flurry of animal parts are slightly less encroaching. Glances around at the sea of faces and also ejects Dave's sword in his general direction-

REDGLARE: -WOW pettiness must really work......-

MITUNA: -Rises from the water, psionic energy skittering along his body. There's a lot of chaos happening. People fighting animals, two of those assholes that hurt them are here too. The screams hurt, makes it hard to focus, but his eyes start glowing.-

REDGLARE: -SKIDS THE AXE TOWARDS HER IN TURN as she catches it-

REDGLARE: ... th4nks.

DAVE: -YOU COULD HAVE IGNORED IT-

DAVE: -wait a second...tHATS HIS SWORD!!! AHH!!! HE GRABS IT-

KARKAT: =WHAT GOOD COP BAD COP BULLSHIT IS THIS=

NYALAH: -she wishes she was high right now. Hey cops. Where'd you put all her weed.-

MITUNA: -He's a chargin his lazor-

KARKAT: =please fry them=

REDGLARE: -WE ALL ATE IT NYALAH KEEP UP-

NYALAH: -she meant when they EMPTIED HER SYLLADEX but okay Rg. 👀-

SEAKRAIT: -we know nothing about any weed... no but really she nods at Redglare and scoops her axe back up to decidedly throw it down on this goddamn hare. STAY DOWN FOREVER.-

REDGLARE: -She stumbles under her own weigh, some of the adrenaline ebbing away as she manages to keep herself from falling by leaning on the stick. It's kind of a stumble but she's gonna try to dress herself at least slightly.-

[[ The hare as well as the biotech upon it is decidedly crushed, hopefully for the final time. It is still. ]]

NYALAH: -Lame. Oh well. It was worth it.-

SEAKRAIT: -wait fuck that's psionic energy over there. She grabs Lampetra's arm like WE SHOULD PROBS MOVE-

KARKAT: =nono, stay right there=

LAMPETRA: =Gets out of way, following after her. Maybe puts his shield to good use too.=

MITUNA: -HE'S A FIRIN HIS LAZOR BWWWWAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH-

NYALAH: B00

KARKAT: =good yes.=

[[ IT'S SUPER FUCKING LOUD. Let's also hope there's not a cave-in, folks. ]]

MITUNA: -Just gonna burninate everything in his line of sight. Yay.-

NYALAH: -Lucky she's out of RANGE.-

[[ Mituna pretty much purified the area of biotech, that's for sure! Another lynx, relatively untouched by anyone, is now burnt to a crisp. The biotech leaps off of it, on fire. It skittered across the ground toward the crew before fizzling out and falling limply at their feet ]]

REDGLARE: -huffs as she gingerly pulls on a pair of underpants and her tanktop, eyeing the line of destruction and the burned up animals in its path.-

MITUNA: -His gazeblast fizzles out and he just...floats himself to the edge of spring and sits, scowling at seacrate and lampetrol-

KARKAT: =huffs= Good. Good job Mituna. Now that that's handled. Let's take care of the other fucking parasites.

KARKAT: =HE'S GOT A HAND ON HIS ROCK=

NYALAH: -pads over to lick Mituna. Sniff his wounds.-

LAMPETRA: =brow raise= I'm Parasite.

MITUNA: -Why she lick me-

KARKAT: The first step is acceptance. The next is messier. =Baring fangs at her, gills flared=

LAMPETRA: =he held his shield across his body, shielding Seakrait too.=

LAMPETRA: You're really going to attack us now?

SEAKRAIT: STOP. \|/e didn't come here to fight.

SEAKRAIT: My name is Micexa Neshen, this is Hesony Zelleu. \|/e were-- team 87B of the legislacerators, with Terezi Pyrope.

MITUNA: and look a7 wha7 you le7 happen

LAMPETRA: LET happen?! We were trying to prevent it!

MITUNA: grea7 fucking job

KARKAT: =That makes him fume= IT SURE AS FUCK DIDN'T STOP YOU FROM-- OH. BY STANDING BY AND TAKING ORDERS? GREAT FUCKING JOB!

MICEXA: ...Sunny. It's alright.

HESONY: We could say the same for you-- =When Micexa spoke, he backed down, though his lip was still curled.=

REDGLARE: -She takes a sharp breath.- S-stop.

REDGLARE: 1 r3m3mb3r thos3 n4m3s.

REDGLARE: Sh3 told m3 4bout you.

NYALAH: -guh. This is very stressful for her. Watch her step aside to hack up the weed she ate earlier. Excuse.-

REDGLARE: -She slumps to sit. Weakly. The binding for her wound is long gone, now, and she eyes the discoloration again.-

KARKAT: =He's absolutely steamed= I REMEMBER THEM TOO, SOME FUCKING BOND.

HESONY: https://31.media.tumblr.com/b4b93178d916e9e0c52eeb0a23bf6adf/tumblr_inline_nejn5fCzWh1s4sxxd.gif

KARKAT: =eat his entire ass, son=

MICEXA: You saw that woman. If we had shown weakness or hesitance...

MICEXA: -her face twists somewhat- I was trying to warn you, to be compliant. For her sake. For all your sakes.

HESONY: And you didn't listen.

MICEXA: -rests a hand on Hesony's arm.- But it doesn't matter now. \|/e need to keep moving.

NYALAH: fuck you actually in the t33th broh -swallows dryly and stands. Hhh.-

KARKAT: SO WHAT? SHE COULD KILL HER LATER?? IT'S A FUCKING--=HOLD UP, DID SHE JUST SAY IT DIDN'T MATTER=

KARKAT: =DAVE. HOLD HIS FUCKING ROCK=

KARKAT: =BABY HOLD MY GODDAMN BOULDER=

MITUNA: you don7 ma77er

MICEXA: No. Maybe not. But blame certainly doesn't.

MICEXA: It won't make a difference to her now.

HESONY: Shut it Sparky.

NYALAH: (b33ch)

MITUNA: 347 MY 3N71R3 8ULG3 817CH 80Y

KARKAT: =Expels water so hard from his gills, yup. Sorry. He's throwing this boulder.=

MINDFANG: -Karkat you should probably throw the boulder, she endorses it.-

REDGLARE: -shitting FUCK she is going to try to push herself up and into the goddamn way as he starts to heave it.- DO NOT.

REDGLARE: -its... Not exactly the most graceful movement. She's stumbling and in pain just trying to get up that quick, but all the same.-

MINDFANG: -Redglare what are you DOING.-

KARKAT: =Stares at Redglare. Chest heaving.... he respects her. She was close to Terezi... and she shouldn't be moving. Drops it and pins his fins back, giving her a steady hand=

DAVE: -GIVE ME THE GODDAMN ROCK-

KARKAT: =bro ..... you are my rock=

NYALAH: -Gdi. Same tho. She's gay too.-

REDGLARE: look 4t us. W3 n33d. 4ny h3lp w3 c4n f1nd.

REDGLARE: W3 h4v3n't spok3n to our cr3w 1n d4ys 4nd w3 st1ll h4v3 our ord3rs to f1nd th3m.

HESONY: =he nodded at Redglare= We Have supplies for you.

HESONY: Water, food, winter clothes...

KARKAT: =They could kill and loot these two. Easy, but she's right. Clenches his jaw=

MICEXA: ...Just a few of your personal effects. The others have the rest. \|/e could only get so much before we ran.

MINDFANG: -She does indeed have a point. However, guys, once we are out of the cave then we kill them right?-

HESONY: =he nodded, confirming Micexa's words= We even managed to acquire one of your comms devices.

REDGLARE: W3—

REDGLARE: w3 n33d to cont4ct th3m.

REDGLARE: Th3r3 4r3 p3opl3 who d3s3rv3 to know.

MICEXA: -uncaptchalogues the communication device and offers it over to Redglare. She doesn't seem particularly proud about it.-

HESONY: =he took a few steps towards them, emptying his sylladex of vital supplies in question. There are a new change of clothes for everyone in various sizes, including warm jackets. Please dress yourselves.=

DAELOS: -Hunched against the wall, panting- watching the legiscerators with disdain and wariness.-

REDGLARE: -She takes it, letting a breath go. Then she turns over her shoulder and offers it to Karkat, instead.-

HESONY: =after he is finshed, he backed away again.=

MITUNA: -Still scowling at them, eyes glowing, ready. He's not above murder, right now.-

KARKAT: =Takes it. It feels heavy he just goes off to a corner to like, fuck himself with it or whatever=

NYALAH: -at least gets a jacket on, not caring that she's dripping wet.-

MICEXA: -once he checks it he should be able to tell it was Terezi's-

DAELOS: -Helps Nyalah get her clothes on before bothering with himself.-

REDGLARE: -Shaky and shivery as she goes to get the clothes on. She's a little bit feverish, right now, but it already feels a little better.-

NYALAH: -Stop it, you loaf. Now she's helping Daelos.- dumbass ass ass

KARKAT: =ok in that case hes going in the corner to cry=

DAVE: -looks at those winter clothes desperately. HE NEEDS-

DAVE: -BABE NO-

DAELOS: I canter even believe you are moving around of your own volition, let alone pausing to insult me -FUSSES, BITCHES.-

HESONY: =take them, Thinskin!=

DAELOS: -Lets her help him tho because....He's so tired.-

NYALAH: not you

REDGLARE: You r4n. 4r3 you go1ng b4ck?

MINDFANG: -She doesnt exactly feel like trusting them, but quite honestly what is the worst that clothes could do shes grabbing sizes that will fit her and pulling them on as quick as she can.-

MINDFANG: -The jacket takes a moment or two, the wolf teeth did a number on her robo arm at the elbow joint, its stiff.-

HESONY: =stares at Redglare in complete silence then LAUGHS=

MICEXA: -glances at Sunny. Same...-

MICEXA: There's no going back now.

HESONY: Are you kidding? We go back, we die.

MITUNA: -Uses his psionics to dress, because his left arm is fucking useless.-

DAVE: -crawlings a no and he's gonna need some assistance standing up- someone toss me clothes for fucks sake

MITUNA: you 5hould go back

DAELOS: It would only be the begining of your recompense

NYALAH: -Are u sure Mituna? Nyalah licked it.-

DAELOS: -DISDAINFUL-

MITUNA: -It's fucking broken but thanks kitty-

HESONY: =flips Mituna off=

NYALAH: -purr purr purr.-

MINDFANG: -Dave the human, you are so sad. She takes some pity and brings him clothes that she thinks will fit him.- Please tell me you have some way of getting dressed yourself.

MITUNA: -Flings a rock at his head-

NYALAH: h33 h33

KARKAT: =thank you Mituna=

MICEXA: -why is Terezi's new swarm so bad at listening jfc-

DAVE: no ive lost the use of all parts of my body -pretends to go limp but that hurts too- FUCK

KARKAT: =GEE=

HESONY: =the rock bounces off his noggin. There is a little bit of blood, but for the most part, he's hard-headed=

MINDFANG: ........ Incredi8le.

HESONY: =staring at mituna flatly=

KARKAT: =wipes his face then goes to help Dave get dressed. Gives him something to do= Move. I got it.

KARKAT: Not you Dave. You don't move.

DAVE: hey i was gonna get pretty then go over to you DAVE: how am i gonna play hero now

MINDFANG: -Thank you Karkat, please take care of your rail so she does not.- Alright.

MINDFANG: -Moves aside and takes a moment to herself to roll up her sleeve and inspect the damage to her robot limb.-

KARKAT: You can do that later. =helps him out=

MITUNA: -Now Sunny is the one being flipped off-

[[ It got wolf chomped pretty great. There are some small dents in it, in the very least. ]]

MICEXA: \|/henever you're ready, we'll make our way out of here. I have a plan to get us out of this state.

MICEXA: ...But.

REDGLARE: but?

HESONY: =busy flipping Mituna off again=

DAVE: -fine- so we need to go to minnesota

MICEXA: -glances at Redglare specifically- You're badly infected.

MINDFANG: -Earth sucks ass. God damn wolves.-

DAVE: yeah redglare

DAVE: holdin us all up with your stanky leg and shit

REDGLARE: 1 c4n w4lk.

MINDFANG: For now you can.

MINDFANG: What a8out l8ter.

MICEXA: It could spread to your heart.

KARKAT: =dave please= You need that taken care of. If i can't kill them them you can't have a bum leg.

HESONY: ....She's right.

KARKAT: =said while dressing Dave, not even looking at them=

REDGLARE: 1t's—

REDGLARE: just p41n. 1 c3n h4ndl3 th4t.

REDGLARE: -glances back at Karkat... And Mindfang... and then both Hesony and Micexa.-

REDGLARE: -Hisses softly, under her breath.- sh1t.

HESONY: I get it, okay? Pyropes can go a long way before keeling but this is different.

DAVE: sure

DAVE: and i was just cold the other night

DAELOS: -Does he have his tool box back?-

KARKAT: Great. Thanks.

KARKAT: =AT REDGLARE=

KARKAT: =the other two can die in a hole.=

REDGLARE: -She is not talking as she slumps back to sitting.-

MICEXA: -frowns, quiet for a long moment.-

MICEXA: ...I can make it quick.

HESONY: =been there almost done that=

REDGLARE: 4lr1ght.

DAVE: -o boy-

KARKAT: =next time try harder=

MITUNA: um

MITUNA: UM

HESONY: =waves mituna over= We're gonna need you, Sparky.

MITUNA: WH47 7H3 FUCK 4C7U4LLY

MICEXA: I need a belt, towels, and yes, you-- psionic-- I'm going to need you to cauterize the wound.

DAELOS: Hold on a moment

DAELOS: Please

HESONY: =welp, he's unbuckling his own and sliding his belt from his waist.=

MINDFANG: Cauterize the.... -Oh.-

DAELOS: -A little loudly-

MICEXA: -glances at Daelos-

DAELOS: Is my toolbo% in your possesion

DAELOS: By any chance...

MITUNA: 3XCU53 7H3 5H17 0U7 0F MY 5P1N4L CR3V1C3

DAVE: -pulls karkats face into him because he knows he can't handle this-

MICEXA: The only other thing we have is... Just give it to them, Sunny.

KARKAT: =He's seen ear Dave, but it's appreciated. He still looks tho,redglare needs things to bite down on=

KARKAT: =She can have his arm or something=

HESONY: =His sigh is hitched and he produced Terezi's cane. Just kind of...holds it.=

DAVE: -no????-

DAELOS: -He sighs- Nothing else

DAELOS: -HE HAD SOME WEEDS. HE WANTED TO GET REDGLARE NICE AND STONED FIRST BEFORE THEY LOP OFF HER LEG.-

HESONY: Sorry. =he says, kind of lamely.=

REDGLARE: -u giant blue stoner-

NYALAH: -It's okay, Daelos. Weed just can't solve every problem.-

MITUNA: -That...probably wouldn't help???-

KARKAT: =GLARES at Daelos or he would but stares at her cane=

DAELOS: -It's better than nothing.-

KARKAT: =SPACE WEED=

DAELOS: Ah well...proceed

HESONY: =Wanna nom on this, Rg?=

REDGLARE: -SHES NOT GONNA BITE HER SWORD CANE THAT'S SOME KINDA DESECRATION-

MICEXA: -she's too busy tying Redglare's thigh with a belt to offer her something softer to bite-

HESONY: =Hey, their buddy Kreyse had this made, it aint from some piece of shit steel=

KARKAT: =no buddies are here for you, sir=

NYALAH: -gotta high tail it out of this cave. She can't do this. Don't worry, she's not going far.-

DAVE: -ur buddy is dead-

MITUNA: wai7 5o you wan7 me 7o gazebla57 her leg

HESONY: =Too soon, Dave.=

MITUNA: wha7 7he fuck

KARKAT: =he would also say they weren't buddies. They're both dickwads=

HESONY: =carefully turns to Mituna= Unless you want her to bleed to death?

REDGLARE: -shes gonna stuff some coat fabric into her mouth instead, that may work.-

MICEXA: -just kind of stiff... this isn't very fun. But at least she knows what this is like. She stuffs some more extra fabric under her leg to make it comfortable and eventually catch some of the blood before picking up her axe to clean it off, turned away where Redglare doesn't have to see-

MICEXA: Do you want a warning?

MITUNA: UM W417 HOLD ON FUCK DUD3 H0LY 5H17 -He's not ready!-

HESONY: ....

HESONY: =to Mituna= Do you want a warning?

REDGLARE: -closes her eyes and shakes her head. SHE is ready, at least.-

MITUNA: Y35???????

HESONY: =Holds up his hand. 5.=

HESONY: =puts down a finger. 4.=

MICEXA: \|/e can't wait for more of them to find us.

MICEXA: -turns toward Redglare, glancing at Hesony and counting in her head as she raises the axe.-

MITUNA: -He's really jittery and sparky-

HESONY: =3.....2.....1.=

MICEXA: -JUST DONT GAZEBLAST THE REST OF HER LEG OFF.-

MICEXA: -and with the rest of the countdown, she swings the axe, quick and sure.-

REDGLARE: -It is bloody, but done. She is shaking and not looking at the damage. It's hardly a delicate surgery, but she keeps her eye open through it, clamping down hard on the cloth and muffling her scream.-

HESONY: =He just...puts a hand on Redglare's shoulder, squeezing it. There there.=

MITUNA: -He's screaming too, and that's helping him keep from vomiting at the moment. There is enough focus, to concentrate his blast on the stump of her leg, the scent of seared flesh fills the air-

MICEXA: -moves the missing leg out of the way for Mituna-

HESONY: =wow, he's so out of practice at comforting others it shows.=

NYALAH: -the explosion of blood is making her gag and hurl in the other cave chamber. There's nothing in her digestive sac to upheave but here she is.-

REDGLARE: -okay NOw She is SURE BLACKING OUT. so much for staying awake.-

KARKAT: =There to catch her=

REDGLARE: >;'I

KARKAT: =he's sorry about all this. And it shows=

MITUNA: -Once he's done he just....lurches forward and dry heaves bile-

HESONY: Good job, Sparky.

KARKAT: =yep....he frowns then glares at Hesony=

MITUNA: -Throws up in his general direction. Fuck you buddy??????-

MICEXA: -gritting her teeth as she quickly cleans off the blood on her axe. She stows it away. She's sorry, too, but it won't do much good to say.- MICEXA: She should be okay. MICEXA: Just needs rest. MICEXA: \|/e're heading for a compound. The blizzard's heavy, so we have some time before communication can reach them about Sunny and I. \|/e should be able to get transport and maybe a few supplies if we hurry.

Last Monday at 5:09 PM

HESONY: =makes a face at Mituna but...turns back to Redglare. Taking out a small first aid kit, he covered Redglare's affected area with saline before placing gauze pads over it and wrapping it up in bandage.=

NYALAH: -stumbles back into the chamber. Sweaty and ashened faced and just. Done with everything.- lets fucking do this shit

KARKAT: =he can carry redglare and he also got dressed at some point, not liking at the doucheduo= Then let's go.

DAELOS: Yes

DAELOS: -Are they actually getting out of this alive? It doesn't feel real.-

HESONY: =that's the plan=

[[ The ground had gradually begun to incline upwards over the duration of a few hours, making the climb slightly more difficult. However, it may be a good sign they are heading towards the surface once again. ]]

NYALAH: -bottom line is, she's scrambling for her life. Panting heavily. Possibly feverishly.-

DAELOS: -He's basicallly dragging himself like a large blue slug, lagging far behind the rest of the group.-

REDGLARE: -murmuring fitfully, now and then. She's out with a cold sweat. Maybe she's wandering in the dream bubbles...-

(FEFETASPRITE): -she has a dream of a certain catfish ghost waving to her as she floats through the void.- 3833

MICEXA: -waits a little and offers Daelos a hand. She managed to carry him down this hole, she can probably help him out of it.-

HESONY: =after he believed Karkat had sufficiently calmed down a bit, he fell in step beside him. Wordlessly, he handed over the cane to him.=

MITUNA: -That's Karkat's secret. He's never calm.-

DAVE: -bringing up the rear, sword in hand. significantly slow, but it works for their efforts, even if he does get hit with extreme pains from time to time-

MITUNA: -He could just...float you. You don't have to suffer my guy-

DAVE: -GIVE YOUR PSIONICS A FUCKING REST-

DAVE: -no pain no gain-

MITUNA: -No?????-

KARKAT: =Truth. He's just carrying Redglare but he takes her cane without a word. Looking over it sadly, silently and continuing to walk.=

KARKAT: =Also dave don't be dumb=

KARKAT: =Same to you Mituna=

DAVE: -I'm NOT i'm MOVING myself-

MICEXA: -gdi, she glances at Sunny and the human. Pls help this weird alien kid-

MINDFANG: -Dont worry if one of them falls she will drag them-

DAVE: -HE'S OKAY-

MINDFANG: -Are you sure Dave, she could always drag you.-

DAVE: -how is that any better?!-

MINDFANG: -Would you rather be left behind?-

DAVE: -yeah actually-

HESONY: =ugh, FINE, miss! He fell back in line and scooped Dave up in a fireman's carry=

HESONY: =carefully=

DAVE: oh hell no

KARKAT: =stares into Hesony's fucking soul=

MITUNA: i go7 him

DAVE: you gonna go for my throat again

DAVE: if you do it might make for an artistic death picture

DAVE: i dont think i had enough of a concussion before

HESONY: Shut up. I'm Helping.

MITUNA: -Floats Dave away from Sunny-

MITUNA: i go7 you bromigo

DAVE: put me down

HESONY: =HANGS ON =

DAVE: OW FUCK

MITUNA: -Do not break the dave?-

MICEXA: -stares at the ceiling like jfc- Infighting isn't going to get us to the surface any faster.

MITUNA: le7 him go bulgero7

HESONY: =At Mituna= You are being childish.

MICEXA: Sunny, just let him go. If they want to waste their energy, let them.

KARKAT: =good Mituna, FAST BUILDING HISS= DON'T TOUCH HIM. DON'T TOUCH ANYONE. DON'T TALK. FUCK OFF.

MICEXA: \|/e've done what we can.

DAVE: - DONT WANT TO BE A GAME OF TUG o WAR-

HESONY: =one by one removes his fingers=

DAVE: -the pain from the resistance is a lot MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND GUYS-

KARKAT: =allow him to motivate you. Grabs the wrist= Go to the only person here that can stand you.

KARKAT: =HE WILL FIGHT WITH REDGLARE ON HIS BACK but he'd rather not=

MITUNA: -Shhhh, he's got you Dave. He should feel floaty now, maybe even a little tingly. Enjoy the ride Dave, you earned it.-

MICEXA: He was trying to help. That boy won't last much longer on his feet, and we can't afford to wait.

KARKAT: He's socially inept along with being a dick. Use words not that he'd take the help. Now stop fucking around or I will literally fucking eat your hand.

HESONY: =just glaring down at all these pipsqueaks in this 7'5" glory.=

DAVE: mituna dont

DAVE: no

DAVE: stop over exerting the mind you just got back

MITUNA: i go7 him

DAVE: oh christ

KARKAT: =HE DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HEIGHT MY GUY=

MITUNA: 5hu7 up bro7a7o you weigh fuck all

DAVE: whatever

REDGLARE: -She might be scolding people to pretend to get along if she were awake, but she's still super unconscisous

MITUNA: like a bean

MICEXA: -growls. He already let go pls-

KARKAT: =He didn't punch him at least.=

MITUNA: bean dave

HESONY: =jerks his wrist from Karkat and just stomps ahead to scout out an exit to this stupid cave.=

KARKAT: =THAT'S FUCKING RIGHT STRING BEAN. Adjusts Redglare gently and walks on=

DAVE: shut up

MITUNA: mi57er beeeeheheeeeeneh

DAVE: why

MICEXA: -watches after Sunny... they promised to do something but it sure isn't easy. Not that she expected it to be. Of course they hate them, after what happened. She hates herself, too. But she keeps giving herself reasons to keep moving, and maybe one day, she will figure out why.-

HESONY: =Fuck yeah, it was hard! It was beyond him how Terezi could get along with so much of the disagreeable sorts, but they did promise. No matter how much he wanted to leave them to their own devices, he couldn't. If he and Miss died because of these people....well...at least he could say, "Look, Rez, I tried, but your friends are real assholes."=

[[ Soon he is able to hear a very faint howling of the wind, and far up head, there is a sliver of flickering light coming from behind a thin crevice. ]]

MITUNA: -I mean. She'd agree. We are assholes. That's why she loves us.-

HESONY: =She loved us too! As least I have the common decency to use past tense!=

DAVE: -I'M THE ASSHOLE?????-

DAVE: -IN THIS SITUATION????-

MITUNA: -Honestly go fuck yourself her love continues in death-

MITUNA: -I MIGHT KNOW JUST A TAD BIT MORE ABOUT THE DEAD THAN YOU-

MICEXA: -YALL... chill...-

HESONY: =You probably know 100% more about the dead than me!=

MICEXA: -oh ok-

HESONY: =eventually he's coming back down towards them to report=

HESONY: Now try not to give yourself wedgies, but I see light back there.

HESONY: =jabs his thumb in the direction he came=

MICEXA: Everyone ready for the storm?

HESONY: Unless you wish to stay in Here of all places, of course.

NYALAH: i say it again

NYALAH: lets fucking do this thing -not stopping. She's doing the whole wheezy climb up.-

[[ When they get to the crevice, they will see that some of the bigger trolls will have to side step through it. ]]

HESONY: =he holds his hand up to Nyalah, not touching her. Everyone seemed to have a problem with that LAST time.= Wait. I will make sure it is clear.

HESONY: =he turned and shimmied through, glancing at his device before looking ahead into the storm. Not long after, he waved for the others to come out. He's even going to put his shield over the entrance so yall don't get snow in your faces. Your welcome.=

NYALAH: -she's too tired to notice these things. Her energy is at max cap.-

MICEXA: -nods and ushers everybody through. LETS GET THIS ROAD ON THE SHOW-

LATULA: -SHE'S not passed out at least... INTO THE COLD-

[[ Using a handy dandy GPS to get them to the nearest town, Tanana, the group sees their first signs of civilization as the lights of the small city appear on the horizon. It has a population of 308. ]]

NYALAH: -nice town. And just as she's thinking about it, she collapses. Blacked out again.-

HESONY: =just...looks at her then glances up at the rest of the crew= You gonna rip my arm off if I attempt to carry her?

NYALAH: -Fuck u. She still has 6 more lives left. She's GOOD. And also unmoving, faceplanted in the snow.-

MITUNA: -FLOATS HER TOO-

DAVE: mituna

DAVE: no

MITUNA: mi7una ye5

KARKAT: =he can't carry everyone but he could try, sighs= Just let him carry her for now since he learned how to use words.

KARKAT: No one wants to be around the other longer than we have to.

MICEXA: -she's not slowing down this time.- \|/e should get close, find somewhere to hide you all... I'll go in and get transport.

MICEXA: -glances at Sunny-

MICEXA: No guarantees we'll be able to make an easy stop after this. \|/e should get as many supplies as we can.

HESONY: =to Mituna= You're gonna burn yourself out keeping that up.

HESONY: =He nodded once Miss spoke and gathered Nyalah into his arms.= Good plan, say we're going on a road trip. Say The Expunger told us to hit the road or else. =He's trying to be funny. Is it working?=

MITUNA: already did i7 once and i7 wa5 doing 5ome7hing a lo7 harder 7han 7hi5

NYALAH: -if she were conscious, she would be snickering cuz Mituna said he "did it". Oh also he said hard.-

NYALAH: -ragdolls in Sunny's arms. Noodlecat.-

HESONY: =He swears that every single one of them is purposely trying to make his life difficult=

MITUNA: -Ye-

NYALAH: -stfu she only weighs like 3 potatoes. Weak.-

HESONY: There are forests bordering the town. We can remain there while you obtain transportation.

HESONY: Be careful. The Expunger may Have already delivered a warning.

MICEXA: \|/e'll see. -looks at Hesony for a few moments... and then OFF SHE GOES-

MICEXA: -Why does this feel so familiar?? Oh wait-

HESONY: =HE'S TRYING TO IGNORE THAT=

MICEXA: -turns around real quick, runs back over to Sunny... kisses him right on the mouth.- MICEXA: -RUNS OFF FOR REAL THIS TIME-

DAVE: -wow. such romance. very love. wow.-

HESONY: =He returned the kiss, watching her run off. Just like sweeps before. Wow. So familiar it burns.=

HESONY: =He led the group into the forest, to wait and kept watch upon the city for any sign of activity. It isn't until later that he realizes he's alone with all these people who probably hate him. Well, probably isn't the right word so much as definitely.=

HESONY: :(

MITUNA: -Suck it up buttercup-

DAVE: -definitely-

HESONY: =Stick it where the sun dont shine, Sparky.=

[tumblunni]

And man it could be so easy to take this premise and make a perfectly non problematic game out of it??? Just like.. Dont write the magic baby spell as being Actual Sex. The end. Youre done. You have a normal god damn game.

Seriously WHY did they make this choice?? Literally all theyre doing is holding hands while some glowy effects happen, which brings a doll to life as a sort of wooden battle android. None of this would invoje underage sex if you didnt call it THE STAR WOMB and X AND Y MAGICAL ENERGY and LETS MAKEBABIES TOGETHER and FILL THEM WITH YOUR SEED and YOU THE PROTAGONIST ARE THE MOST VIRILE MAN EVER and THE TEACHERS LIKE TO WATCH and YOU LOSE YOUR MAGIC AT AGE 18 ONLY CHILDREN CAN DO THE SEX SPELL UWUUU. And all this fuckin moaning and naked silhouettes while they just fuckin hold hands, and then afterwards theyre all blushy and panting and aroused and the dialogue is so fucking overt its just DISGUSTING! Its clear they just made up the 'its only holding hands' excuse as last second censorship to get this game on shop shelves despute being pedo AF...

And like fuckin man i have nothing against just normal games with sex stuff in them? I dont personally enjoy n/s/f/w dating sims but there's nothing wrong with other people playing them. Its just so fucked up that the majority of sexual content in dating sims is pedophilic or rapey or sexist or ALL OF THESE THINGS! like man theres barely any healthy normal goddamn sex between consenting adults and that says a LOT about the state of game development nowadays... Sigh...

But seriously they coulda just made this game even be a completely non sexual thing? The worldbuilding is so totally non sexual that they had to go out of their way to turn it into this. Just have the actual chaste cute magic children thing, yknow? And remove the contrivances of gameplay where you have to make thousands of kids daily with strangers because 'nobody else can do it, the fate of the world is at stake'. Like evenif the game wasnt all wink wink nudge nudge "its like forcing children to fuck while the adults watch", it still sucks that you cant really bond with your kids cos they have a level limit and then you need to discard and replace them. Like maybe just make a game where you have one single magical spirit beb with whoever you choose to romance? Dont have to do it withthe girls you dont like too. And maybe have the magic kid be a reward for getting partway into the romance route, not like.. Have to make baby before you even know her and then romance comes later. Maybe so you still have gameplay, theres other lower levels of magoc bonding? Like when youre just friends you can do magic fancy outfit and weapon transformation sequence and like.. Bond-powered super attacks, blablabla. Magic spirit bab is a rare and special talent for soulmates. And then it could be kinda like a way to keep playing after your 'happily ever after'? Like in most games it ends after your first kiss or first date, you dont get to see them progress thru dating and get married and have kids and stuff. That could be cool to be a game in several arcs with timeskips and stuff? Like get to see the spirit kid(s)grow up and how the relationship evolves as your characters get older and reach different relationship milestones. Maybe face potential breakup troubles because of different personal traumas/backstory/rival characters/financial trouble/etc depending on the route?

Also like probably dont make the main characters kids and have creepy teachers hitting on them and watching them have magic sex. Ugh! Like maybe make it about older magical fighter people? Or if they start as kids then this could be an early proligue section where you first meet all the love interests and form bonds. And then it timeskips when you get to the making a magic baby point of the game. Or of you played it more like they just discovered a dragon egg or something, rather than actually creating a kid in a sex metaphor? nd maybe actually discuss how hard it would be to raise it as teen parents, and could maybe have protag's sister be still alive and her and her husband are really supportive and helps you with the kid raising?

Oh and like of course i would want the game to let you have LGBT romances and pick your protagonist's gender too! Even if it was still a fanservice game i would support thay, so much of the problems of fanservice would be mitigated if it was just applied equally to both genders instead of being super misogynist and assuming all gamers are horny straight dudes. But still i would honestly prefer more healthily written consensual sex for everyone, rather than just bringing the hell content again but the victims are dudes this time. Stuff can be sexy without being abusive, you damn games!!

But still lol Magical Handholding Living Doll Time is a very non sexy thing and would have been infinately better in a non perv game. Its so contrived!!

[isaacathom]

also i spent most of last night accidentally trying to figure out the logistics of how the ghost-y things work in the light realm and then accidentally how the fuck a ghost could actually have a child????? because like. surely Losa doesnt actually let that happen. she finds the souls of the dead, gives them a small fragment of her soul, and carts them off. she doesnt let them have children????? for obvious reasons?????? surely ghosts cant have kids. so then how the fuck does alexa bear calar’s child????? she is a ghost?????

which then lead into a fucking rabbit hole.

the ultimate conclusion was that Losa gives fragments of her soul to the dead because otherwise they cannot survive in her realm (with the identical being true of Dalace, much to her dismay). but, well, royals already have god souls. quartaian royals have elra’s soul, and the Lune kingdom royals have xen’s soul. then the southern isles have caliyos. those are the major royal groups. there are technically ‘dalace royals’, which are her cultists, but thats.... a whole different matter.

so if you’re a royal with a tie to any of themajor deities, and you die, you then have TWO god souls. which is hardcore. So Alexa isin fact a minor royal from Lune, who died in an explosion of its capital city alongside her entire royal branch, neatly severed from the royal tree. this partly explains whyCalar has absolutely no idea who she is - she’s just a faceless noble. and she doesn’t exactly disclose this information to him, because she’s somewhat reasonably concerned he’ll treat her differently if he knows she’s part of the old nobility.  So she has a fragment of Xen’s soul.

in addition to this is Calar. Calar is just a peasant. he would have a latent magic, most humans do, but its either non-god originated or excessively diluted. he’s just a dude. however, he’s on a year long expedition in the light realm, which losa has actually consented to. But the light and dark realms are toxic to mortals. and so, in order to keep tabs on him and make sure he doesnt fucking die, losa has loaned part of her soul to calar. so on thetable we have a fragment of Xen’s soul and two fragment’s of Losa’s soul.

which is great and all. but, yknow, alexa died young, and she was a sheltered noble, and calar is a nice young man, annnd before anyone really thinks too hard about potential consequences the two have slept together. and i mean. hey. souls physicall manifest in heaven. something about losa’s soul. i dont know.

and thats fine. its probably not the first time a living person has fucked a ghost. i imagine a lot of people in the more magical eras ventured to the land and tried to have one last night with their dead lovers, to varying degrees of success depending on how nice they were to Losa beforehand. but in those cases, the love making was often the explicit purpose of the trip. theyve come to see their loved ones and have one last night before going back to the mortal realm. its not real bother. go for it! fuck the ghost! and they’ll explain this to losa beforehand. losa goes ‘hey the fuck are you doing in my kingdom’ ‘i wanna fuck my wife one last time’ ‘yea alright just leave before noon tomorrow alright?’ ‘sweet’.

but calar is here for a different reason. and losa did grant him that ability. she said ok, you can stay for a full year, gathering culture and knowledge. but then hegoes and fucks a ghost. a royal ghost. god dammit.

so losa’s kinda peeved when she does find out about it, but she decides its not really that big of an issue - humans fucked ghosts all the time back in her day, yknow - and so everyone moves on with their day.

except a few months later, its obvious that this ghost is pregnant. what the fuck do they do?????????? they go to losa, and she’s dumbfounded. h-how??????? uhhhhh. in essence, alexa having two god souls gave her a higher degree of ‘corporeality’. losa specifically tailors her soul fragments to not confer that sort of trait. but xen’s soul, which alexa also possesses, does not have that feature. so when xen’s mixed with losa’s, they sorta..... messed with the settings. which mean alexa was, for all intents and purposes, a living immortal. and this is true of most royal ghosts, or the ghosts of anyone who has been given more than one god soul for any reason (champions and dalace’s cultists, or ryaris’ wife Evelyn are good examples). and thats usually not an issue, because their partners arent also living immortals. like, theres a slight difference, i guess. even two royal ghosts getting it on probably wouldnt end up having a kid. because theres that slight element missing - being actually alive?? or a desire for kids. or smth like it.

but then calar comes along. a living hunk. unlike most ghost fuckers, he has a fragment of losa’ssoul because he’s staying long enough that the light realm would fuck him up if he didnt. and so you combine the two and suddenly Whoops???? ohdear.

its really uh. ill defined? it probably works on a rose quartz sort of logic. that gods arent naturally designed to bear children, but they CAN. this is true of ryaris, who did the magic bullshit so that she and evelyn could both have kids. and for a weird living immortal ghost, like any of the royal ghosts, that same thing is true, to a degree. but they usually dont know how to consciously manipulate that. alexa definitely do it deliberately. it was.... more a subconscious thing. see, two royal ghosts could fuck, but they likely wouldnt bear children because they know that ghosts Cant. the two both being ghosts means they subconsciously know its impossible, and they basically cock block themselves. everyones working off the logic that ghosts cant have kids, and so no ghosts can have kids. but alexa just sorta.... forgot??? in part because living humans coming to the light realm became exceptionally rare after all the gods decided to leave the realm of man alone, which actually wouldve happened shortly after Alexa died. so Alexa hasn’t actually learned this fact? when it comes to living humans??? because it wasnt explained to her. Losa never told them not to get nasty, and so never warnedthem. thats part of it, too - whenever people in grief came for a last night, Losa would explain some rules. and that kept shit orderly. but calara and alexa didn’t get those rules, and alexa has never heard them before...... so........ you know........ accidentally pull a rose quartz and make yourself capable of bearing a fully living child??????? whoopsies.

its extremely ill defined. which is half the point. like......... its a fucking weird occurence. like oh, GREAT, a fucking ghost is going to give birth to a living child, alright, fantastic, just what we’ve all wanted. losa’s really not into it. but she saysits fine as long as the news doesnt get out. which means basically as soon as its safe to take the kid away, calar must do so. even if it means cutting his year long expedition short, he MUST leave with the child as soon as possible. alexa won’t be punished, per se, but she’s not allowed to tell anyone about it. which really sucks for her, honestly. die in your twenties because your kingdom was taken over by a vengeful fire goddess and then the city gets blown up, then spend 200 years as a ghost before meeting a cute boy, accidentally getting pregnant and then never being allowed to see your child??? shits fucking rough. like, damn. losa probably let her leave to watch him a little, but his signal basically vanished after calar’s house burnt down. and while alexa has seen calar, and calar has explained what happened, neither of them have actually seen Skye since them. Naten’s arrival like 5 years later explains that, to his knowledge, his brother is still alive. but when naten (specifically naten) gets leave to go see if he can actuallyfind him, he finds that he’s run away fromhome and his signal is still dark. so thats nice.

its a big mess forthe whole family. not to mention that after Calar’s house burns down and everyone except Naten+Skye die, Calar rocks up in heaven and wow. its his wife and his girlfriend. his wife pre-deceased him by a few years, and she’d come across a concerned Alexa. and now theyre here for some.... explainations. alexa didnt even know calar had a wife and kids????like she had NO idea. and his wife genuinely assumed thatSkye was an orphan whom Calar had bonded with. so...even though alexa isnt supposed to like. say anything??? she kinda has to. mostly because she’s kind of pissed about not being told. given shes from 200 years ago, the culture was sorta different. cheating? noooo dude. so you feel that.

uhhh tl;dr alexa has two godsouls and accidentaly rose quartz-d a womb because she didn’t really think about it? and thats how skye became one of, if not the only, known light demigod. thanks and goodnight

[unicornninjabitch]

Follower: literally no one asked for a depressing ass life update

Me; …… lol you wild anyways

I hate not being able to ask for help and i hate not being able to stand up for myself. Growing up i was thrown into a lot of fights between my parents and i always felt like i had to pick a side and stick to it and i usually sided with my mom for reasons we dont gotta get into rn so me and my mom have been super close like my whole life. She was all I had for most of my life because i was a kid playing parent since my mom worked a lot and my dad wanted to do whatever he wanted, so imagine little me barely out of elementary school trying to make sure my 5 year old brother is doing homework and the angry 8 year old isnt being a complete asshole to the 5 year old. I never really got to just be a kid cause i was making sure the house wouldnt fall apart under our feet, so now that im being thrown to the wolves as far as growing up goes I don’t think its fair that when i ask for help i get looked down on and belittled and get looked at like im some stupid kid, like, i was never allowed to just be a stupid kid so how come now that im 18 and dont know how to do everything immediately am i suddenly a stupid kid who probably cant make it in the real world? Its bullshit and not fair. Tbh its not just that i cant ask for help with cause growing up i thought asking for help meant weakness and i had to be strong cause i was the oldest and asking for help meant stressing out my mom even more than she was cause she had a hard time putting food on the table by herself.

As for standing up for myself, okay i havent hidden that my mom hasnt been supportive in any way after i came out cause i try to cover it up with humor, but like, she was my best friend for so many years when i had no one else to lean on (and thats a story for another day tbfh) she was like all i had. She was supportive of my writing even when it sucked and when i wanted to be a teacher but its like she did a 180 or some shit. Okay so when i switched to wanting to do psych she was kinda like “okay but make sure a certificate will be transferable or whatever” and one time i said how i THOUGHT about MAYBE doing english as a major cause i love writing and i thought maybe i could start up a publishing company that mostly published books centered around minorities cause that seemed like something id enjoy tbh, but she shitted all over even the thought of majoring in english just like “What job could you possibly get with an english degree?” and her friend, with an english degree, told me an English degree is basically useless and like??yes i understand english isnt the most employable degree but maybe i want more to life than a job, maybe i wanted to do something im passionate about or something (dont get me wrong im really passionate with my current career path but still it was an idea i was really into and wanted to learn more about and i still wanna double major but besides the point) I couldnt even explaing why i was thinking about that major i kinda defulted to head down, shoulders drop, say “yeah maybe you gotta point” and like thats not fair to me i dont think. That was the start of the slippery slope of her becoming more and more unsupportive with everything i do. I didnt apply to that many schools and most the final 2 were Elizabethtown College and University of Bridgeport, Etown was way more expensive and i kinda didnt want to go there tbh but they said i could apply for free so i did. Now for college i did EVERYTHING myself. I looked up colleges, compared prices and scholarships, took notes on all the majors and minors i thought i could want, applied on my own and anything else I did by myself. Looking back i realize i probably shouldve applied to more schools or looked more at the professors or something, but i didnt cause i didnt know to, but she gave me such a hard time with UB. She complained about everything about it until i finally said “fine ill just go to county and then Rutger or something” (which isnt a bad plan and wouldve saved me a shit ton of money but i wanted to get tf away from jersey) Thats when she said fine and said she’d help financially (even though the loans getting transfered to my name after i graduate but okay). So there was kinda a wedge in our relationship but nothing huge we were still pretty close but we just ignored certain subjects like school and shit. Then in the summer she gave me hell for not working like we agreed i wouldnt work during the school year cause i speant so much of junior year wanting to kill myself and was so fucking depressed we, as in the both of us, decieded on that, than in the VERY begining of summer i broke my fucking ankle, so i couldnt really walk anywhere and i dont drive (side note, i hate when driving gets brought up because just sitting behind the wheel gives me so much anxiety, like yes its a good skill to have but i cant drive so please leave me alone i hate myself for it enough) Plus i speant a majority of the summer super depressed and anxiety ridden and kinda scared about a lot of stuff.So it was nice to hear i was lazy and ungrateful when somedays it took everything to get out of bed to feed myself let alone clean up around the house. Also as a certified Millennial™  I cover my self hatred and depression with jokes and memes o the one day i make a joke about it and she said “you dont really hate yourself, you wouldnt know what that feels like” Okay 1. I most definetly hate myself just cause i dont walk around super edgy and emo doesnt mean i stopped critizing my every action, just cause you dont notice me not letting myself eat/eating everything in sight doesnt mean i dont wish i looked like literally anything else. No i hate myself i just cover it up so fuck off.

Then theres coming out (which gets its own paragraph cause its a fucking mess). I came up via a letter that i left in her room and she didnt say anything for maybe a week so i speant a week with my defult being panic attack or “maybe everythings gonna be okay i mean she hasnt really said my name i dont think and maybe everythings okay and youre just freaking out for nothing” but nope we had a talk and if you dont know apperently you have to know right out of the womb that your trans. My moms best friend has a niece whos trans and she was given so much shit from the adults in her life just and still does (this kids literally 14 and they treat the poor girl like such shit its awful) and i was never into sterotypical “boy things”. I didnt like sports other than soccer but only for fun, I was very much the quiet kid who usually had his nose in a book, so i think that mixed with seeing this little girl treated like trash by people we both loved and looked up to (cause my moms best friends family is kinda like a second family to me) i never thought that could ever be me. Later in life i questioned my sexuality and looking at a bunch of terms and things some of them related to me, but i thought no ill put that on the back burner for now just cause maybe im just projecting/thinking about it too much rn. Then even later in life Kate came out to me and we talked and i noticed some similarities in what she said to what i felt, so i looked up terms and definitions and took online quizzes almost all day everyday to figure out what was going on with me. Almost as long as i known Kate shes been my safe person, especially with this just in case I realized no this isnt who i am or whatever, but either way Kate was a huge support and great person to rely on and my fears and other stuff. After more constant quizzes and reading and asking myself if i just wanted to be a *~special snowflake~* and testing waters and shit I decieded yes this is who i am...shit im gonna have to come out. My mom basically said “you arent trans, youre making this up and being ridiculous. Im not calling you that name and i wont call you he/him and that hurt a lot. Like she didnt even say Alexander she said “whatever name you put”. Mind you im absolutely heart broken cause i thought if anyone my mom would be supportive. She offered if Kate ever wanted she could crash with us and she calls her best friends niece the right name, but when it came to me she thought it was fake. Now at this point im trying not to cry out loud and im clenching my jaw so hard it hurt till the next afternoon. I dont know if its just me or what, but it feels like after that shes rubbing it in. It feels like shes using my birth name more and saying she/her and shit. She also acted like i was an idiot like i know that changing my name is a process, but she also said if any of my college stuff had Alexander on it she wouldnt help pay for it which really hurt. I really try to ignore/avoid her just cause it hurts less than figurative slaps to the face its like, *slap* girl, *slap* birthname, *slap* liar, *slap* making it up, *slap* thats not how it works, *slap* youre being disrespectful as hell, *slap* you arent a boy *fucking uppercut*, but i cant always ignore her which leads to tonight.

My cousins had like a little party for their birthday and it was awful for me (in their defense im not out to them but still it makes me super uncomfortable but its not their fault really). We looked at baby pictures so it was a lot of “omg look how pretty you were” and “oh my goodness i love that dress you look so beautiful there” Then my hair, of course got brought up and people were like “oh you know girls are so much prettier with long hair” and “when are you gonna grow it back out like hers?” (cause you know girls HAVE to have long hair *sarcasm*) so i just kinda awkwardly laugh and change the subject. Of course my moms pointing out all the pictures of me in a dress or with long hair or whatever. Then it was super fun picture time!! I hate pictures (that i dont take cause those are under my control and shit) for a lot of reasons. I always feel like i look fat and i notice everything thats “feminine” about my body and we already went over the self hate thing but still i hate pictures and im visibly uncomfortable while theyre happening. Someone says “oh stop youll love them in 20 years” like or ill hate them cause ill remember being so uncomfortable and so ready to walk home and ill remember not being able to forget that my whole family will probably always think im a girl no matter what i do. Then we get on to college. Im the first to go to college and everyone was like where are you going, what are you majoring in blah blah blah. So i answer their questions and be a polite kid. And everytime someone asked when i was leaving my mom jumped on it “3 weeks from today!!” like shit so by the end of the night my binders starting to get uncomfortable, im socially tired, ive been uncomfortable for 20 minutes, and im hating the amount of hugs im getting cause i can feel my boobs more than and shit. So someone said something about me leaving so i was like “you still have like a month” and of course my mom goes “3 weeks!!” so im fucking annoyed by everything and like just ready to go to CT now so im like “we get it your counting down the days i leave” and she got an attitude so i turn to my uncle and say im about to make it 2 weeks and shes like how about 1? So i just shrug and say okay bye like im unfazzed right now. Then we go drop my brother off at our dads and as soon as we pull away shes yelling at me about my “attitude lately” like what??!! Youve ruined so much for me lately im allowed to be angry! You destroyed my confidence about coming out. You made me feel like something was wrong with me. YOU completely destroyed our relationship and maybe i did too, but you know what?! Im completely justified in being uncomfortable around you! When my 14 year old brother (who has been really amazing and apologized for having to call me my birth name which he didnt have to cause he knew im only out to a handful of people but it was still sweet of him) asked how you were about this you said what you said to me which is fucking bullshit!! Youve treated me like shit lately and youll walk in and start nagging/complaining/yelling at me cause you dont know how to handle your angry which ive delt with for so fucking long!! Like when am i allowed to be mad at you?! When am i allowed to say no ive had it with your bullshit?!! But of course i dont know how to actual articulate this without a huge fight going off cause those just trigger a huge anxiety attack and shit and screaming and fighting is something i avoid at almost every cost because its scary to me fo a million and three reasons. Like im so ready to burry my ass in debt just to keep out of this house like i dont want to be anywhere near here. I dont wanna come home ever. I want to stay in CT forever just so i dont have to deal with this shit which i know probably isnt healthy but whatever i dont care anymore she gives me so much shit i dont care.

But i still feel guilty i guess. Ive never been ANGRY at my mom, i rarely fought with her, she was always my rock and i know what certain holidays, mostly Christmas, mean to her, but i dont know if i can bring myself to come home just to be around her so much and fall back into being called my birthname or she/her or whatever. I dont know i feel bad not wanting to come home because the boys moved in with our dad (which i cant do for reasons that dont need to be talked about atm) and i dont want to make her sad cause shes my mom, but i dont want to hurt myself because shes my mom, you know?

I dont care about our relationships, me being trans isnt going away a few years (which she told me we could revisit this in a few years like bitch what??!!) wont mean anything except me, once again, doing everything completely on my fucking own! Ill be alone and it feel like almost like i always be alone, like maybe ill go to CT and still wind up with the Fuck Up™ gene being very present in my life. Idk somedays i just feel like maybe no ones supposed to saty in my life, which i dont want to be true cause rn i have some amazing people in my life and im scared theyll leave too just meant to be abandoned and alone or something. The thing is im a sentimental, touch starved, emotional piece of shit and i really love people being consistent in my life and being left alone is such a huge fear of mine and i feel like some of my friends are already disappearing from my life (which i know happens and is natural especially after school but it still hurts to some degree ig)

So yeah lifes kinda full of bullshit right now and i cant wait to move out and study almost year round to avoid being home as much as possible and theres really no reason to this other than for me to complain about life and shit ig