#and i like how much she emphasizes consent and making sure people are comfortable

[heliza24]

This was one of those lines and scenes that basically turns me inside out with envy as a writer. This exchange is working on so many levels. Like on a macro level it is summing up the themes of the show. Andy and the other inventors are fixated on creating technology that will protect them in the face of climate change but it's not enough to protect them from murder. In fact sometimes it's the technology itself that's being used to kill them. Andy is constantly talking technology in these big sweeping terms. He uses it to keep himself separate and apart from the rest of the world. But Darby uses it for connection. She fell in love with Bill on the internet. She uses technology to find the clues that lead her to answers. She uses Ray to keep herself grounded. She sees the humanity, the people-made hacks, threaded through every interface and every computer. The dead speak to her but so does code. And when the show touches on a generational divide I think that's what it's mainly saying. How do you view technology? Is it a tool to help you stay separate and apart from the rest of humanity or a way to speak to the dead? In reality there are people of every generation that have every possible relationship to technology. But there is something that feels very Gen x about Andy and very Gen Z about Darby in their relationship to computers.

Bill is kind of an in between. He meets Darby on the internet, but their courtship is analogue. He woos her using Morse code after they graduate off of Reddit. After he leaves Darby he starts making art that protests smart cities. Maybe he was murdered because he opposed some sort of tech that Andy is working on. We're not sure yet. And he's frustrated that Darby is so obsessed with the case she can't look up and see him, and for Darby the case lives on her phone. So it makes sense on a scene level that he would be railing against phones here. He's just been so vulnerable with her, listed the moments he knew he was in love with her, and she's too scared to be vulnerable in return. Instead she turns back to the phone. So it makes sense that he's displacing his frustration with Darby onto the object of her obsession. And her response just cuts through his defense mechanism. It's such a good rebuttal. It refutes his initial assumption, that her obsession with the case means she doesn't love him. It lets her be vulnerable and defend herself at the same time. It's such a good line.

Another thing I loved about this episode was the way that the Bill/Darby relationship shifted. In the beginning of the series Bill feels very dangerous. He's a stranger Darby met on the internet, he's hacking lights on abandoned train tracks to send her a message, he's sweeping her away on a cross country roadtrip to find a killer. He could easily be a killer himself. Those early scenes between them are shot in a way to emphasize the danger and the edginess that exists between them, and you’re supposed to be scared for Darby. But as we gradually get to know Bill we realize how caring and thoughtful he is. We see how much he cares about Darby and especially about her consent before anything sexual happens. And in this episode we realize that there was always a dangerous element in their relationship. But it was Darby, not Bill. It was Darby's obsession with the case, her comfort and dedication to the dead over the living, and her spiraling mental health that threatened their safety and their relationship.

By the time Darby is in Iceland, it seems like she's grown past this negative mental health space, at least to an extent. She's written about her experience finding the killer with Bill and put it behind her. But death finds her in Iceland and pulls her back in, and in this episode we see her resort to some of the same unhealthy coping mechanisms in order to solve the case.

The other perfect line from this episode was "sometimes I feel like I would have to die for you to love me", and I think it's so wonderful because it's both extremely true and totally wrong. Darby does have a connection to the dead, and she is bound to Bill more strongly in his death than she was during the years after he left her. She is intent on finding out what happened to him, but at the same time she is drowning in grief. She's unwilling to offer Bill's name when the other guests lists the other murder victims at the bonfire because that would mean he is really not coming back, he's really just the same as all the other serial killer victims they investigated together. And she loved him more than that. She loved him in life too.

This show is so good, the writing and the dialogue and the symbolism and sense of fate that runs through it is so good. I really hope they stick the landing of the mystery because I just love it. This episode in particular is just rattling around in my brain, I can't let it go.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hey makenzie, i've got a bit of a situation here. i'm 25, never had sex before, and never paid attention during those safe sex psas bc i was sure i was ace and never wanted to have sex, due to a number of reasons - i'm autistic and very particular about things touching my body, especially food or fluids (i need to wash that shit off *immediately* or else i will combust) and probably also not eating enough but i digress. i matched with an amazing guy and now i think i want to do it but (1/?)

(2/2) i honestly don't really know where to start here. i know the risks and so i want to buy condoms but for some reason i get nervous about people seeing me buy condoms. i also haven't ever looked into getting PrEP or monkeypox vaccine bc i didn't plan on suddenly becoming a horndog. idk i guess i'm just looking for general advice for a 25yo male having sex for the first time and what i should expect/how should i prepare. like idk what douching is and at this point i'm afraid to ask lol

oh yeah, one more thing i wanted to add - while i'm not nervous about going into this bc this guy is seriously great and understanding as hell, i worry about my roommates hearing us and idk how to approach that. i probably worry too much as they seem to be fine with the noise level here (and me making protein shakes at 1am) but like. i still do. should i play music? put a sock on the door? i don't want them to hate me. ps: i love your blog and hope you have a good day

jesus christ I'm about to fit so much sex ed into one post

1.) start wherever you want; sex is whatever you and your partner(s) want it to be. only way to do it wrong is to do with without consent and communication.

2.) here are two fun facts about being an adult. the first one is that no one actually gives a shit about you buying condoms. no one gives a shit about you buying anything. your fellow customers aren't scrutinizing your purchases they're too busy worrying about you scrutinizing your purchases. the cashier definitely doesn't care, the cashier is contemplating killing everyone in the store and then themself. just buy the condoms.

the second fun fact is actually a house rule of mine, which is that if you're too squirrelly to acquire safer sex supplies yourself you don't get to have sex. the good news on that front is that ordering condoms online from places like Condom Depot is, like, really easy.

3.) PrEP is great to know about but only necessary if your intended partner is at risk of transmitting HIV to you during sex, which is a conversation y'all should have if you haven't already.

getting the monkeypox vaccine is always a solid move if you're in a high risk area, although I do need to emphasize again that it's worth talking to your partner about whether or not they're a considerable risk for transmitting monkeypox (if they haven't had any other partners in the last two weeks, or none of their other partners have tested positive in the last two weeks, they're probably good). regardless, you can easily find somewhere to get vaccinated here.

4.) re: first time having sex, if you've spent literally any time following me you know the best advice I can give you is that you should literally just Talk To This Guy about what you both want to do and feel comfortable with, but watching this video from incomparable sexologist Lindsey Doe isn't a bad place to begin. I'm a big fan of how much she emphasizes lube!

5.) douching is the practice of washing out a bodily cavity with fluids. many people like to do it before anal sex to lower their risk of defecating on a partner by accident, but it's totally optional and not a requisite for anyone. if you're interested, you can find a good introduction here:

it's worth noting that douching presumes anal sex will be taking place, which is something to discuss. anal sex can absolutely rule but it also requires care; I'd recommend this other Lindsey Doe video for some hot tips on how to start exploring that:

if anal penetration isn't your cup of tea but eating ass may be, check out dental dams - even a clean anus runs the risk of harboring fecal matter and baby you do NOT want that in your mouth! in a pinch, a dental dam can be made in a hurry by cutting a condom open down one side and laying it flat.

6.) similarly to sexual partners, the best way to learn what roommates are okay with is to ask. do the courtesy of giving your roommates a heads up that a guest is coming over and that sex is on the agenda; let them decide if they want to clear out, put on headphones, or what.

why are you making protein shakes at 1 AM. what's happening there.

[kawaiianimeredhead]

.

[alexiessan]

Senses - Chapter Four - Soulmate AU

AO3

Previous - Here - Next

Master List

Marinette hasn’t been looking forward to the lunch break at all. All morning, she felt like her stomach was in knots. Alya kept glancing at her while frowning, probably confused about her behavior from earlier. Adrien threw disappointed looks her way too, which she returned. Why was he letting Lila lie when he knew about her fake stories?

Marinette was going to kill Damian for the mess he put her in.

The fashion designer was barely seated before Alya slammed her tray on the table and sitting in front of her, Nino taking his seat beside his girlfriend much more calmly.

“What was that earlier?! I’ve never seen you being so mean to someone like that!” the reporter hissed at her best friend. “You can’t just claim that someone is faking a disability. It doesn’t put you in a good light at all.”

Nino put his hand on Alya’s back, rubbing circles to calm her down. “I’m sure Marinette has a reason for acting out like that. Let her explain before jumping to conclusions.”

The Ladyblogger mumbled something that Marinette didn’t catch but relented, looking at the Eurasian girl with a raised eyebrow, waiting for her friend to start speaking.

Marinette sighed before taking a deep breath.

“First of all. I wasn’t the one calling Lila out,” she said, emphasizing on the ‘I’ before continuing. “I told you guys about how I can take over my soulmate’s body, right?”

They nodded at that. After she had first been in Damian’s body, she had told Alya, Nino, and Kim about the experience.

“Well, Damian was here when Lila was being introduced to us again, and he apparently has no patience for her because he just took over my body and told her off,” she explained, looking at them to see if they would believe her.

She was relieved that there wasn’t a trace of doubt in their eyes. Her friends believed her.

“I knew you would never do something like that,” exclaimed the bespectacled girl. “It was so out of character of you, I was wondering what was happening. Oh, I need to tell Lila so she can understand that you don’t have a problem with her,” Alya said, taking her phone out of her pocket.

Eyes widening, Marinette almost jumped across the table and grabbed Alya’s wrist.

“Alya, no!” she almost shouted, before continuing in a softer voice. “Lila doesn’t know that I have a soulmate, and I don’t want her to know.”

The journalist frowned at that. “But then, she’ll think you don’t like her or something. She’ll think that you see her as a liar.”

Marinette bit her lips, not sure how to proceed from here.

“Look, Alya… Damian may have been the one to say that to her face, but… I do think she’s a liar.”

Her best friend looked ready to protest, to defend Lila but Marinette spoke up before she could.

“It doesn’t matter what I think, really. I don’t want her to know about Damian, okay?”

Nino smiled at his childhood friend before he took his girlfriend’s hand in his.

“Whatever reason Marinette has for not telling Lila, it’s still her choice to share or not. You promised you wouldn’t tell anyone that Marinette didn’t approve of, you remember that?”

Alya sighed before nodding, putting her phone away. “You’re right. I’m sorry I almost told Lila without your permission. I’ll be more careful.”

Marinette nodded in thanks and went back to her lunch.

“Although,” Alya started again. “I don’t know why you think Lila is a liar! She’s amazing, really! If you spent a little time with her, you would see it too.”

The blue-eyed girl groaned at that.

“Alya, please. Don’t force me to spend my time with someone I’m not comfortable with.”

Her best friend pursed her lips before sighing.

“Alright, sorry, I won’t. I just want all my friends to get along.”

Marinette smiled at that. “I know,” she breathed. “And I’m not saying that I’ll go out of my way to not talk to her, but outside of group gatherings, I would rather… not?”

Alya laughed at that. “Alright, alright. I promise I won’t invite her when it’s just us.”

“Thank you!”

After that, Marinette finished her lunch and excused herself from her two friends to go to the bathroom before the afternoon classes started.

Lila met her there, promising to do amazing things to help her in her fashion career, only to sneer and threaten her when she told her that she didn’t believe her.

Lila Rossi really made Marinette uncomfortable, in a way that no other bully ever did before.

She would have to be on her guard when she was around, she thought as she took her seat at the back of the classroom.

“Yo, DC,” a voice beside her called.

The young girl turned to see Kim taking the seat next to her. The boy smiled at her, poking her with his elbow.

“What’s with the long face?”

Marinette smiled at him. “Nothing. What are you doing here?”

At that, Kim groaned. “Max is complaining that I always talk during class. So I thought that I would sit next to someone who knows how to appreciate me, you know?”

“Oh, yes, what an honor.”

“You’re welcome,” he exclaimed before looking around, somewhat anxious. He then got closer to her, leaning in her personal space so that no one else could hear them. “So what’s your deal with Lila?”

Marinette shrugged. “She’s a liar, that’s all.”

“And what’s making you say that?”

Marinette looked at her childhood friend but didn’t see any judgment here. He wasn’t scolding her for calling the transfer student out, he was genuinely wondering why she thought that Lila was lying.

“Well, apart from what I said earlier… Jagged Stone doesn’t have a cat… And how can she be best friend with Ladybug when she literally just moved to Paris? It makes no sense.”

Kim seemed to ponder about it.

“Well, there’s only one way to know for sure, right?” he grinned at her before taking out his phone. Mme. Bustier wasn’t here yet since the bell hasn’t rung yet. “Lila Rossi,” he said in a whisper while he typed their classmate’s name in the search engine.

She got closer to him to look at his phone as he searched for different things, like ‘what happens if you don’t wear ear protection next to an airplane?’ or ‘Jagged Stone’s cat’.

Nothing came up that could confirm Lila’s stories.

“Well, what do you know?” he said as he hid his phone in his jean pocket. “You were right. Good call!”

Marinette smiled at him before facing the board as Mme. Bustier entered the classroom just as the bell rang.

The designer could always count on Kim to have her back.

It was the next day when he was reading in his room, that Damian got a visit from Marinette and she was mad at him if the glare she gave him the moment she appeared was any indication.

“You had no right to take over my body like that,” she began, not letting him say anything to defend himself. “It’s one thing when we’re not controlling it, it’s another when you do it on purpose without my permission. You got me in trouble with my friends and I was the one dealing with the consequences, not you.”

Damian sighed, knowing that she was right. He had crossed a line by taking control of her body without her permission.

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have done that without your consent. I won’t do it again.”

That was as much as an apology as she would get, and she knew it.

His soulmate sighed, the tension in her shoulders evaporating.

“I think we should set some boundaries when it comes to the body take over thing, don’t you think?”

He nodded and she gave him a small smile.

“Alright. So, no taking over our bodies on purpose without our consent, except when it’s a life or death situation. If you think I’m in danger, you can take over and explain to me later why you thought I was in danger if I don’t understand why you did it. Is that okay with you?”

“Yeah, sounds good.”

“And do you give me permission to do the same with you?” she asked softly.

Damian couldn’t see what kind of situation he couldn’t get out of by himself, but it was only fair to accept to her terms.

“Sure.”

Marinette nodded.

“Good. When it’s not on purpose then… Well, I guess we just don’t have much of a choice then. Just… If you happen to take over my body when I’m in class, can you just… not speak? I can’t say you made a good impression on my friends.”

Damian rolled his eyes. “That kind of person needs to be deal with as soon as possible. If you give them free rein, they will only get more confidence in their lies and no one knows what they would do then.”

The blue-eyed girl nodded. “And I agree with you. But they’re good people and want to believe the best when others are concerned. I tried to tell them, but they’re not convinced,” she shrugged. “I’ll keep an eye on her, she really gives me bad vibes.”

The youngest Wayne frowned at that. “What did she do?”

The fashion designer bit her bottom lip in a nervous gesture. “Apart from lying? Well, she didn’t like that I called her out on her lies in class,” at that statement she threw him a small glare. “So she threatened me, saying she would take all my friends away from me and make my life hell,” she rolled her eyes.

“So not only is she a liar, but she’s a manipulator. Great.”

“Yeah, I’m not sure how far she’s willing to go to get what she wants so I’ll have to be careful around her.”

She settled on the floor, her back on his bed — she was really respectful of his personal space, he noticed once more, as she chose to sit on the floor rather than on his bed next to him — and she had to twist her neck to look at him.

“Anyway, what are you reading,” she asked with a smile.

And Damian smiled a little as he showed her the cover of his book.

It wasn’t until weeks later that Marinette got the chance to get back at Damian for what he did when he took over her body on purpose.

Except, it really wasn’t on purpose, and the young girl wasn’t looking to get back at him at all. Marinette’s classes had ended for the day, and she was free to do whatever she wanted so she thought she could work on a commission from Jagged when she suddenly wasn’t in her room anymore. She was in a classroom, a pen in her hand and a very annoyed Damian beside her.

The first thing he did when he realized that she had taken over his body was to scoff.

“Of course it had to happen when I’m in class.”

Marinette — in Damian’s body — gave him a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry,” she whispered as to not catch his classmates’ and teacher’s attention. “I didn’t do it on purpose.”

He seemed to soften a little at that.

“I know. It’s just that those idiots are suspecting that I have a soulmate, and I would rather not confirm it,” he sighed, arms crossed against his chest.

Marinette frowned. “Well, it was only a question of time, you know? Since when talking to me it looks like you’re talking to yourself. And the body switch was bound to happen when they’re around at some point,” she whispered.

He pursed his lips. “I know, but the later it happens, the better.”

Marinette felt a bit hurt at his words. Was he ashamed of her or something?

He must have noticed her hurt feelings because his hands reached out to squeeze her shoulder.

“It’s not you. I just don’t like when people put their nose where it doesn’t belong. Even if they know, it shouldn’t get back to the press, anyway. They have a contract to sign every year to not give any information to the press. Same things with pictures on the internet, they can’t put any without my explicit consent,” he scoffed. “They respect the contract, surprisingly. I guess no one wants to be sued by my father.”

Marinette pondered at that. Were Damian and his family important people? She still didn't know his last name.

Damian elbowed her to gain her attention. “Davis is trying to get your attention,” he hissed.

Marinette turned to the front of the classroom, focusing on the teacher.

“What?”

“I said to pay attention,” the teacher, Mr. Davis, said in a frown.

“Oh, I- I’m sorry!” she squeaked.

Next to her, Damian hid his face in his hands, groaning.

The next second, the whole class turned to face her, incredulous expressions on their faces.

The boy who sat right in front of Damian leaned in, looking at her right in the eyes.

Marinette’s eyes widened as she leaned back into her chair, trying to put distance between them.

The boy’s blue eyes widened then, and a big grin appeared on his lips.

“Holy shit. Guys!” He exclaimed. “We were right! Wayne does have a soulmate! His eyes are blue right now!”

Wayne? Was that Damian’s last name?

The boy smiled at her, extending a hand for her to shake. “My name’s Claude! What’s your name?”

Marinette shook his hand. “Marinette,” she breathed, a bit intimidated.

“Marinette?” he repeated louder so his classmates could hear. They all seemed so excited. “It sounds French.”

“Yeah, that’s because it is,” she confirmed.

The teacher seemed exasperated and tried to redirect his students’ attention back to the lesson, to no avail. He eventually gave up since there were only five minutes left and wrote the homework on the board.

Damian pointed to the board with a tilt of his chin and Marinette wrote down the homework while talking to Claude.

She talked with him until the bell rang, the class ending and at the same moment, Damian got his body back.

“Hey, can I have your number,” Claude asked only to be met by Damian’s glare, his eyes back to green. “Oh, it’s you,” he noted, disappointed.

Damian just put his things in his bag, glaring at Claude the whole time before exiting the classroom.

So much for keeping people out of his business.

And did Marinette have to be so outgoing? Of course, she would get along with his classmates right away.

Damian was pissed that Marinette made friends with his classmates but she was delighted. She understood why it annoyed him since she was literally using his body to talk with people he barely interacted with, but at least, she never did it on purpose and it was better than what he did with Lila, really.

What annoyed him the most, he told her, was that people were now coming at him with questions about her. They stopped after a few glares though, so all was well now.

It’s been three months since then, and she managed to get Claude’s phone number when she accidentally took over Damian’s body once more when he was in class.

But that first switch in his class gave her one information: her soulmate’s last name. It didn’t ring any bell to her, and she wasn’t going to research it. When she told him so, Damian had asked her why she wouldn’t do it.

“Well,” she had said, “with how you said that your father would sue if anything about you leaked to the press or on the internet, it was pretty easy to guess that your family was important. The Wayne name is not familiar to me, so it must not be that big a deal in France, but then again, apart from the things that I have an interest in, I don’t really take an interest in celebrities,” she had taken a deep breath then and looked at him in the eyes. “Plus, I want to know you for you, you know? I don’t care about your last name.”

Damian hadn’t said anything then, but he did give her hand a little squeeze, letting her know that he appreciated it.

Apart from those two times, the switch didn’t happen when he was in class anymore.

In those three months, Lila did everything she could to make her life a living hell. She started rumors about how she bullied her, how some weird people would come to talk to her outside of school, how she would talk behind her friends’ backs too.

Fortunately, her friends didn’t believe that. It made a lot of them realize that Lila was, indeed, a liar, but some, like Rose who was an eternal optimist, and Alya who wanted to see the best in her friends, just thought that Lila was confused.

She didn’t mind as long as she got to keep her friends. And when she told Alya that she was painting a target on Lila’s back by uploading her interviews on her blog, she stopped doing so, and her credibility was saved.

There was that one time, though, where Lila managed to frame her for cheating, pushing her down the stairs and stealing her necklace. Kim has been ready to push her down the stairs for real when he heard about it — not that he would ever do that, but the urge to do it was there — and her friends were angry on her behalf. Alya and Rose still thought that it was one big misunderstanding, but they would get there.

One day.

She hoped.

Damian has been visiting when Lila thought she could gloat to her about her plan, telling her that all she had to do to get back in school was to apologize to her or something like that — she hasn’t been listening — but Damian wasn’t happy at all and had asked if he could take over her body for a moment.

Fed up with Lila and her vendetta against her, she gave him her permission.

She didn’t know what he said to the liar as he leaned in to whisper in her ear, but the next day, Lila claimed that she had a disease that made her lie against her will, and she was back in school, the expulsion off her record.

She had asked Damian what he had told the Italian girl, but he refused to say anything.

She had shrugged it off. She was back in school, she still had her friends on her side, and Lila still had no idea that she had a soulmate, so all was good.

Well, as good as it could be, having to share her space with a girl who would go as far as to try to kill Ladybug.

She had discovered during Kagami’s second akumatization that Lila would go very far to get what she wanted.

Those three months as been emotionally tiring for Marinette, and it looked like it wasn’t over.

She has been watching youtube videos late in the night — more like early in the morning — on a Friday night when she suddenly found herself in Gotham’s streets at night. It was cold, she noticed, and she was underdressed for this kind of temperature.

There were loud noises behind her and when she turned around, she saw people fighting.

Or, well, what looked like a scarecrow was fighting Batman and Robin.

But if she was here, then that meant that Damian was somewhere near.

Her eyes locked with Robin’s — she couldn’t see his eyes because of his mask but it was easy to see that he spotted her — and he swore loudly before hitting the scarecrow man in the face.

Oh.

Her soulmate was Robin.

Next

Tag List: 

@justafanwarrior @animegirlweeb @demonicbusiness @miracleofadisaster @iloontjeboontje @mochinek0 @lozzybowe @eliza-bich @faunrasthewinterelf @iamablinkmarvelarmy @thatonecroc @dood-space @clumsy-owl-4178 @lilyreadbooks12 @finn-cipher @emilytopaz @wolf-for-life @startouchedqueen1318 @buginetye @madking-warqueen​ @ultimatetornshipper

[hysteriamodes]

Alucard thoughts (spoilers for Castlevania S4)

So to preface, I have a sinking suspicion that Alucard was a very solitary little boy and that perhaps his parents kept him close and were very over-protective of him. To me, that would make sense if that were the case; a dhamphir/vampire hybrid would be a rare occurrence in this world and we do have unofficial confirmation of that when Carmilla brought up the fact that Dracula never turned Lisa and they had a son together.

I’m sure not even Dracula would know what they were getting into having Alucard and then Dracula had to teach his son how to hone in on his vampiric side to keep it stable. So, it’s not to say Alucard doesn’t have people skills, he clearly does. I’m only mentioning this because--

-- I’ve seen others make a comment how Taka and Sumi’s betrayal didn’t make much of an impact on Alucard’s development. And I strongly disagree -- it did. 

Alucard does take after his father quite a bit.

- He’s analytical and meticulous, very thoughtful in what he does, like his father. - I’ve noticed that Alucard’s candor when he talks he’s exceptionally soft-spoken like him as well. But he’s not above swearing or making smarry comments. - He is also very dangerous like his father but that’s not a character trait. We’ve seen if he’s hurt enough, he’ll turn to what he knows scared people away (i.e. impaled corpses) but that also shows that, at one point, Dracula had to have discussed his human life with his son and what profound affect that had on him. No one’s going to know how that panned out, but this is in reference to “Lament of Innocence”. - Obviously Alucard is very intelligent, like his father, he’s very educated, so he has a passion to learn like his father. He even makes the comment to Sypha and Trevor how much his father enjoyed learning and lamented how much of a waste it was to see his father turn the way he did instead of using his knowledge to help people. But over all, I’d say Alucard strongly takes after his mother more than his father. He is another facet in Dracula’s long life to remind him of Lisa’s humanity, possibly to the point when his son tried to reason with him that he was so disgusted and hurt that he injured his son. Alucard has a strong sense of compassion and sympathy for others, so much like his mother, and he clearly tends to follow more in her footsteps than his father. 

So, not only did he act out of loneliness when Taka and Sumi asked for his help, he was taking after his mother in doing so. The games go the same direction, Alucard does what he does because of his mother and how much of weight she has on him. But this is going back to how Alucard was brought up, that he was sheltered, in some sense, his parents very protective of him, so I think a lot of naiveté was involved when he crossed Taka and Sumi. They spoke to not only that depression and loneliness, but they also spoke to how his mother was a constant reminder of good in the world.

He did want company, but he also wanted to continue his mother’s good will and helping others. So, he didn’t understand the implications of their desperation and didn’t see their betrayal coming. In my opinion, not only did these two exploit that, but they also coerced him into sex. I though that not only Hector’s sexual intimacy with Lenore was uncomfortable, but I thought Alucard’s was especially so, like his heart wasn’t in it. It’s not to say that it was dubious consent, but they used it as means to break him down and killed them.

So, when they betrayed them, he is so devastated, he goes back to where his father died and curls up to the remainder of his father, because you know at one point, Dracula was always emphasizing caution, vigilance, and that not everyone can be trusted, the opposite of what his mother taught him. He went to the closest source to what he knew best as means of strength and how to handle with being betrayed. His mother likely never experienced as much betrayal and cruelty as much as his father did. And, well, he doesn’t have physical connections to his mother’s remains.

We see Alucard shift further into his depression as season 4 comes up. You see a few more bodies outside of the castle but I highly doubt that Alucard did this to random people without provocation. But more importantly, he just looks absolutely disheveled.

He’s unkempt, filthy, and looks worse for wear. We know he has guilt in doing what he’s done but also the affects of Taka and Sumi’s betrayal made him feel so awful that he let himself go to a complete, literal mess. Before then, Alucard was a clean, well-kempt man. Alucard stopped taking care of himself because what was the point if they were seeing him as someone to be used (not feared, even) for his knowledge and home. The bodies outside were used to ward people away, but even Dracula managed to stay clean and well-kempt, not like his son.

I think this touches the depths of Alucard’s shatter of self-confidence and how lowly he thought of himself after being used by Taki and Sumi. He would have shoved himself further into that pit, but the note and the man that died along the way was a nudge into the right direction. It spoke to his good nature and gave him purpose once more. Innocent people that were 20 miles away that desperately need his help.

Not like people approaching him in the one place he felt secure, a metaphorical invasion of his personal space. Again.

So it makes sense that he felt more secure going out to assist people and once how he saw families being tormented after losing his family, he couldn’t sulk in the castle. He wouldn’t sulk in the castle, because that’s not him. He’s not his father, he can’t do what he did, because ultimately, he’s more like his mother and his mother’s virtues are stronger in him. He is the literal antithesis of his father, he is his mother’s son.

I feel that Alucard always wanted an interaction with the outside world and he certainly had that with the refugees he helped. He played with the children, he happily gave them food, and he was doing what his mother did and you know that’s what he wanted to do in the end: Do what his mother did and used his father’s knowledge for good, like she did.  I feel like in the end, Alucard’s quiet inner grief from season one where he shut down from the world (not only just to heal his wounds) after his mother’s awful death, he was coaxed to open up and find a sense of community and love that he wouldn’t have had and had to limited degree after his mother’s death.

He didn’t see himself worthy of it, not only on the account of his father’s blood, but what he did in reaction to being betrayed. I’m not going to say Alucard’s reaction was completely awful: what Taka and Sumi did was wrong and it hurt him more than he let on and more than what’s seen on a surface level. But not only that, Sypha and Trevor had such an impact on him as well, reminding him of his mother’s good deeds that was easy for him to feel comfortable in his skin again, or perhaps, the most he’s ever felt comfortable as his own person ever did.

From a man that was so deeply traumatized, hurt, alone, and exploited from the very first episode (you know Dracula would have used his son as a tool in his revenge if Taka and Sumi didn’t use him) to a man that’s finally found purpose and it’s the best way he can coumarate not only his father, but especially his mother.

And maybe that’s why he looks “weirdly happy”, the poor man has been limited so much in his life. So in retrospect, his development makes sense. He didn’t necessarily transform -- he found himself again and he found an even better part of himself he never knew he had. People like him for what he is: witty, compassionate, intelligent, and sympathetic. 

[shadowmayura]

I didn’t think I’d be doing this, but it’s gotten to the point where some things have to be said.

Someone from my past has been making vagueposts about me lately and I can’t allow it to go unaddressed any longer. They are disingenuous and at times downright false, and they imply a certain type of relationship that simply did not exist.

If at this point you don’t know exactly who and what I’m talking about, please scroll by. I’m not going to be mentioning her by name and I’m not here to drag additional people into this big mess. This is solely to address any misconceptions for those who have already seen this person’s posts and are left confused by the strange phrasing and missing information.

(TW: harassment, emotional abuse, stalking, vomit)

This person and I met online in the spring of last year. Soon after, she confessed to me that she had a crush on me. I wasn’t interested for a variety of reasons (distance, not knowing her very well, and a lack of attraction on my end) and I gently let her down but suggested that we could still be friends. At no point did I promise a romantic relationship with this person.

We got to know each other better as friends. For a while, it was genuinely fun. I did not harbor any romantic feelings but I did enjoy being her friend. But in the summer, we began to spend more time together, and that’s where it started to go wrong. In reality, it was gradual, but it felt very sudden because the realization that things had changed came all at once. Her flirting had become a lot more aggressive and she was implying to other people that there was something between us. Playful teasing had turned to something far more demanding, and we were talking to each other nonstop, up to 10 hours per day every single day. When I realized how drastically our interactions had changed, I tried to pull back. I became very uncomfortable with how much couple-like behavior had emerged on her side when I did not want to be in that kind of relationship.

My decision was met with a lot of resistance. She was upset at me that I wanted to cut back on the amount of one-on-one time spent together, and she also was upset when I took a week-long break from Discord as a whole. We had our first argument over this. I thought we reached an understanding, but at the end of the conversion, she expressed her need for significant quality time between us, leaving me feeling like I hadn’t been heard at all. It’s worth noting that I hadn’t cut her out entirely at this point. We were still talking almost every day, but we weren’t on voice chat for hours on end any longer. I just wanted interactions that were closer to a normal friendship rather than a romantic relationship that I had never consented to.

It got worse leading into fall. The flirting continued and escalated. She drew “friendship portraits” of the two of us with strong romantic undertones. As she continued to push, I drew back. She didn’t like this. I was met with passive aggression when I tried to set boundaries and put a comfortable distance between us.

September is where it reached a head. On September 17th, she coerced me into a video chat that essentially served as an intervention for my choice. I had a bad feeling going into it, but she insisted that we video chat rather than text chat. I reluctantly agreed under her false pretense that it would be a conversation solely about fandom matters, but within 5 minutes, she was crying on video. I became very uncomfortable and I continued to look at a document on my computer so she could compose herself. She calmed down, but as soon as I claimed to be done looking at it, she turned the crying on again.

For about an hour, I was berated. She was crying and yelling, not allowing me to get a word in edgewise. She was, once again, very upset with me that I had been pulling away from her. I desperately wanted to leave the call, but I knew that there’d be hell to pay later if I did. I forced myself to sit through the whole thing. When she was done, I was shaking. She expected me to speak but I was unable to form words for several minutes and I was additionally berated for not saying anything, even though I had already been cut off many times. When I was able to pull myself out of the state I was in, I told her that our interactions had become far too romantically-focused for my comfort and that I didn’t want her to flirt with me anymore. I then ended the conversation as quickly as I could.

I vomited several times after we hung up and was shaking for hours. I couldn’t sleep that night. A few days later, I lost clumps of hair. It is stress-induced alopecia areata that I’m still receiving treatment for. I don’t say any of this to garner sympathy, but I want to emphasize that this was not a conversation that I look back on fondly. It was traumatic. This unfortunately is relevant later.

At this point, it is safe to say that I did not want to associate with this person any longer, but this was not an option for me. There were fandom commitments that tethered us together, and I knew I’d have to weather out the storm. If I didn’t, I would tear friend groups apart, drop commitments that I cared a lot about, and potentially ruin both of our reputations in the community.

I tried to maintain some distance without angering her significantly, but it was all downhill from here. She continued to disrespect my boundaries and push me romantically. Flirting occurred less commonly in private chats since I would shut it down, but in public spaces, she continued to flirt with me, and I felt pressured to allow it in order to avoid awkwardness in group settings.

Her romantic interest turned into obsession. She became fixated on my Tumblr posts and Discord statuses, accusing me of referencing her when this was seldom the case. Jealousy arose about my friendships with other people. She didn’t trust me to make my own decisions with my friendships and disrespected my decisions when I made them. There was also a huge increase in emotional manipulation and guiltbaiting. Whenever calm and rational criticism of her behavior was given to her, she would exaggerate and call herself a terrible person so that the criticism would be dropped in favor of coddling and comforting her. It was impossible to bring up serious issues without her playing the victim.

She also became increasingly hard to deal with in a team environment. I often felt as if I was being disciplined for not loving her in return. My ideas were constantly nitpicked and shot down. I was condescended to. I began to feel unwelcome in group spaces because of these behaviors. I felt like she was pushing me out of public spaces in hopes that I would flee to private ones, though I tried to avoid that as much as possible.

In November, a flip switched. The romantic harassment almost entirely vanished and all her interactions with me became unkind. In some ways, it was refreshing because the worst of the stalking subsided, but the hostile environment was not easy to deal with. I retreated from fandom in order to avoid it as much as possible.

Finally in December, my fandom commitments finally ended, giving me the ability to end my friendship with her. Right before this, she spoke negatively of me in some public ways. One of these actions I cannot name here because it would reveal her identity, but it spoke ill of a community that I oversee.

The worst, however, was a fanfic that she published several days before I cut her off. She projected her and I onto the main couple of the fic. I was cast as Gabriel and she was cast as Nathalie. The further I read, the more sickened I became as the references became more overt.

Near the end of the fic, Gabriel and Nathalie have a huge argument. I was shocked to find exact quotes from our September 17th video chat in the dialogue of the fic. They were large sections of our conversation. At the end of their argument, Gabriel admitted all wrong and they make amends. As a couple.

I felt ill reading this. I still feel ill thinking about it. I hate that one of the most traumatic conversations in my life still exists on the internet for anyone to read, twisted into a scene that is meant to be read as good and romantic. I am reminded of all the harassment that I endured and I hate that that is a feeling I now associate with one of my favorite ships. There are other creators involved as well whose work has now been tainted by these real-world associations that had no business being in a fanfic.

After this, I cut her out of my life entirely. I was considering less drastic options, but this was the last straw that I knew we could not come back from. I removed her from several of my social circles and blocked her on all social media.

Before I blocked her, I sent a letter explaining in explicit detail why I would be cutting her out of my life. Despite this, she has recently claimed that she was never given a reason.

And that’s where we are now. My life has been more peaceful since December and I have begun to come out of my shell. For a couple of months she left the situation alone and that was fine with me. I was happy to peacefully coexist as long as I wasn’t having to interact directly.

However, my friends began calling my attention to recent posts on her blog that implied I had destroyed her mental health. Some of them have since been deleted. While I was willing to let the first one slide, these posts have increased in frequency while pushing an increasingly false narrative. I don’t enjoy the implications that I did something horrible to her by not consenting to a relationship.

I’m sure she will disagree with my take on things, and that’s fine. If she disagrees with my reasons with cutting her off, that is her prerogative, but I cannot allow her to claim that I didn’t give any reasoning when she did receive it through multiple channels of communication.

And I hope I haven’t gone a step too far in revealing that this person was in love with me. I debated not including it, but I’ve realized it’s an unavoidable issue that is central to the entire situation. At the root of it, I was romantically pursued and harassed. I cannot defend my reasons for cutting her off without disclosing the base motivation for the majority of her actions.

So that’s my story. I’d ask those who read this to please refrain from engaging in any harassment. This post has not been made with the intention to hurt her, as can be evidenced from months of me holding my tongue. I really did try to let her preserve her dignity, but I was left with no other options after being smeared multiple times. My purpose here is transparency.

I genuinely do wish her well, for both our sakes. I really hope that this will finally end her obsession and allow her to move on. But whatever happens, I refuse to be a doormat any longer in this situation.

[prince-of-elsinore]

More reasons to enjoy Season 12

Part 2 to this post

These are just my (mostly) not too serious thoughts on things I enjoyed about season 12 (which believe me, I do have criticism of, but not for this post) now that I have finished my re-watch of it.

- they unfridged the original fridged woman. bold move, good course correction

- Mick as a foil to Sam, Ketch as a foil to Dean. That's all. 

- it's goddamn refreshing to have Sam and Dean on the same page most of the time! Like in 12x15 Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell, Sam has been keeping the secret that he's working with the BMOL. But the secret only lasts one episode, and when Sam realizes he needs to come clean, Dean doesn't blow up at him. Sam being honest and Dean being accepting of Sam's decision: both evidence of growth! And in 15x20 The Future, they're on the same page about not wanting to let Cass go with Kelly. They both think he's been brainwashed (b/c that is definitely what it looks like). I just like seeing them agree on stuff, ok?

- Sam embracing his life and feeling comfortable with himself!! I see this season as a turning point, especially for Sam. I don't believe he's simply been brow-beaten into accepting a life he hates; I think he's consciously choosing to embrace the good of what he does and to take pride in it. His relationship with hunting will never be the same as Dean's, but, like I said: they're on the same page. As he tells Mary in 12x14 The Raid--"I chose this life." This is mostly due to choosing Dean, more than choosing hunting, but in any case, it is a conscious choice and Sam is making the one that is worth it to him, the choice that brings him fulfillment. And he even sees new worth in hunting itself, in a way that is very much in line with his character, as he expresses in 12x18 The Memory Remains (which I talk about more here).

- and that newfound confidence and comfort with who he is allows Sam to take a huge step in 12x22 Who We Are. I was so proud of him when he says "I called you here" instead of "We called you here." Sam has always had an independent streak, and he's stepping out from Dean's shadow in a healthy way here. He's allowing himself to be an individual agent. I always felt that in the end, he needed something of his own to be fulfilled, more than hunting with Dean--either a mentorship or leadership position (both of which he gets in the late seasons). This is his first step towards that, and he's so capable of it! He is a badass and he leads the hunters to victory over the BMOL on his own. 

- and Dean lets him!! This is a huge step for Dean too! Of course he's still worried about Sam (the "you come back" gets me every time), but he's not insisting on being there to protect him. He believes in Sam. He tells Sam he's ready for this, and when Sam hears it from Dean, he knows it's true. They need each other, but here we're seeing need of a healthier type--the way no one is an island, and we all need the love and support of our friends/family. They offer each other that, and it gives them the strength they need. I was so proud of Dean in that moment.

- ALSO so proud of Dean for, for once, acknowledging his own needs. Trying to save Mary is the right task for Dean--he'll never give up on family. But in the process, he speaks some truths that needed speaking. Admitting that he was set up to fail in raising Sam, that his whole life has been so unfair. Letting himself feel resentment towards the family whose hold is so tight on him. But, at the end of the day, still choosing love. "I hate you. And I love you. 'Cause I can't – I can't help it. You're my Mom. And I understand... 'cause I have made deals to save the ones I love more than once." Dean understands better than anyone that sometimes love causes harm, but it's still love and who can blame a person who acts out of love? And the thing is, love can also redeem. And here, Mary and Dean, both of whom have made some terrible choices in the name of love, find their way back to each other through love. Dean gives Mary the forgiveness he seeks for himself. This is Dean at his best.

- and even Sam gets in on the action. He, too, chooses love, and forgiveness. The family hug at the end of Who We Are is EVERYTHING.

- ok Who We Are isn't the only good episode so I'm gonna backtrack to talk about some others, like 12x11 Regarding Dean--it's funny! It's sad! Carrying on a great spn tradition of episodes like Mystery Spot and Yellow Fever. The sticky notes are wonderful. Sam knowing Dean well enough to leave them in the trunk of the Impala, with a big "NO" over the grenade launcher. Dean holding up "Witch Killing Bullets" without saying a word. Pointing his gun in confusion at Sam, who yells and points, "Brother! Witch!" :)

- 12x12 Stuck in the Middle (With You)—who doesn’t love a Tarantino tribute? (Having just watched Kill Bill, I can certainly say I love it). And the return of the Colt! Crowley's "It’s amazing what some people just leave laying about." Snark king.

- 12x13 Family Feud—I want to write a longer meta about the theme of family and love and sacrifice in this episode, so I won't go into it here. But another nice thing is how united the brothers are in their anger when Mary reveals she's been working with the BMOL. It's the closest we get to addressing Sam's torture and violation at the beginning of the season. I get the feeling Dean isn't so angry b/c of what Lady Bevell did to him, but b/c of what she did to Sam, which makes me think he knows it was bad, and Dean supported Sam in whatever he needed after that, whether it was talking about it or just giving some space, etc. Love some defensive big brother Dean.

- 12x14 The Raid—Actually a pretty tense action episode. And Mick is cool.

- 12x16 Ladies Drink Free—The Mick team-up is fun (I like changing up the dynamics), as is seeing them stay in a 3 star hotel lol. Dean has some good moments that highlight his growth, too. His "I used to think the same thing, too" to Mick, as if it weren't already obvious that he's taken "saving people" more to heart than "hunting things." He's done a lot of work to evolve beyond who he was with the Mark of Cain and even before. He also makes it perfectly clear what he thinks of guys skeeving on underage girls, and it's nice the writers finally emphasize that Dean does not like that behavior. He's past the point in his life where he'd make a joke about cheerleaders being legal (back in season 4. Quick digression: that's definitely a gross thing to say, but I always saw it as performative more than a declaration of intent. He puts on what he thinks macho guys would say. Not that Dean doesn't oggle what he likes, but one thing has always been very clear to me about Dean--he's a fan of enthusiastic consent. Anyway this should probably be a longer post b/c I could talk about Dean and performative masculinity and sexual attraction ad nauseam so I'll leave it there)

- 12x18 The Memory Remains—I've already gone over in my previous meta what this ep says about legacy, but there are other fun things about it. Like a Goat-headed monster! Man, how long has it been since the bros took on an urban legend like this? Like... any since freakin' Bloody Mary? Also Dean being cool with the kid smoking weed. You just know he likes to light up sometimes. Man, I need more weed-smoking Dean in my life

- 12x20 Twigs and Twine and Tasha Banes--this is a good fuckin ep. Finally, someone else on this goddamn show is allowed to be as codependent and unwise as Sam and Dean, and isn't punished for it. Let Max keep his wood-puppet sister! (Wow I KNOW it's really fucked up b/c I guess he can control her, too, but damn if it isn't fascinating. And sad. I hope they figure out some way to restore her autonomy) I stan two (2) codependent witch twins

- 12x21 Something About Mary--I'm a sucker for the silent communication and flawless telepathy as Sam and Dean find the bug and lay the trap for the BMOL. And that letter from Eileen :C (Even if her thing with Sam leaves me cold, I'm glad she got to come back to life b/c she sure didn't deserve to go like that)

- Ok one more thing about Who We Are--I'm a sucker for the angst of them thinking they're gonna die trapped in the bunker. And then Dean comes through with the grenade launcher, AND gets out the hole before it caves in. BAMF. I love that they saved themselves rather than some deus ex machina. No Supernatural interference necessary. Not even any deals with reapers, etc.

- I lied, one MORE thing about Who We Are--Sam doesn't take the bad deal Hess offers him (to help with Lucifer)! Once upon a time, I believe that Sam would have been so scared that he'd take the deal with the snake, masking his fear and foolishness as pragmatism. But he knows his own worth now. He knows he doesn't need the BMOL, terrified as he is.

- Finally, it was sad to say goodbye to Crowley in the finale, but it was a worthy end. You'll be missed, Fergus MacLeod.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

“You’re just confused. Make up your mind!”

“You’re going through a phase. You’re on your way to being lesbian/gay.”

“You can’t be happy with me, you’ll cheat on me with a man/woman.”

“You’re only saying you’re bisexual to appear cool.”

Have you heard these comments before? These are statements some bisexual people may hear from both straight people or gay people. These are examples of biphobia, discriminatory and/or derogatory remarks, attitudes, or actions toward bisexuality and bisexual people as a group. Biphobia can be seen in overt discrimination or seemingly harmless jokes or statements.

There are many articles out there that talk about the myths and stigmas around bisexuality. This post will not elaborate on that topic, but takes this a step further to briefly explain bisexuality and ways you can be an ally to a bisexual person.

To start, Merriam-Webster defines bisexuality as being sexually attracted to both men and women. This particular definition, in and of itself, is often too limited to encompass the full scope of bisexuality. With the increase of gender expression, our society has started to acknowledge gender is on a spectrum and cannot be contain to a binary (man or woman).

This is why I appreciate Robyn Ochs’ (a bisexual activist) definition becuase it acknowledges the difference between sexual and romantic attraction (or lack thereof) and the gender spectrum. She says:

“I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”

Pansexuality is sometimes used interchangeably or alongside the term bisexual, as it implies someone who is romantically and/or sexually attracted to people independent of biological sex or gender identity/expression. It doesn’t meant the same thing, however.

So why do bisexual people need allies? Because the pervasiveness of bisexual invisibility and biphobia still exists, both within the straight community and the LGBTQ+ community. Despite making up almost 50% of the LGBTQ+ community, there continues to be minimal visibility, research, and support specifically for bisexual individuals. Many bisexuals report they don’t feel like they belong in either the straight or gay/lesbian community.

It is coming to light bisexuals may be more impacted by minority stress (the experience of chronic stress faced by minority groups) than their lesbian and gay-identified counterparts. Some studies around LGBTQ+ mental health show higher suicide rate in bisexual people than gay/lesbian people. (It should be noted that transgender individuals show the highest suicide rate within the LGBTQ+ community.)

There are also different definitions for an ally (and also differing views on the role of allies, as well). Some may view an ally as someone who is part of the majority community who advocates for those of a marginalized population. (However, you don’t have to be part of the majority group to be an ally). I want to emphasize that simply being sensitive to someone else’s identity is a great foundation to be an ally. You don’t have to go out on a Pride March (although if you do, that’s great!) in order to start fostering a mindset of curiosity, acceptance, and humility about those different from you.

There are three ways to start being an ally to people in the bisexual/pansexual community:

1) Don’t make assumptions

As stated earlier, perhaps the greatest challenge for the bisexual community is bisexual invisibility or bisexual erasure. Western culture is very much built upon mono-sexuality (you’re either gay or straight) and grasping sexuality on a spectrum can be hard. Additionally, Western culture often assumes the lens of monogamy when looking at romantic partnerships. Even if someone is polyamorous and has partners of different genders, there is still an assumption you are with one partner and your identity is based on whichever partner is most salient. (It’s worth clarifying that while polyamory appears more present in the LGBTQ+ community, bisexuals are no more likely to be polyamorous than gay or straight people.)

Bottom line: don’t judge a book (bisexual) by its cover (their partner or behaviors). Do not make assumptions about identify. If someone discloses the gender of their partner and it is either different or the same as their own, do not assume they are either gay or straight. Which leads to our next suggestion…

2) Ask about their identity

This can feel like an awkward thing to bring up, but I can tell you – it is better to clumsily ask how someone identifies than to make assumptions, which may result in discomfort, or further feelings of invisibility or alienation. Most people in the LGBTQ+ community will appreciate you asking how they identify (assuming it’s the appropriate forum for such discussion and you are not outing them without their consent). Your question can be as casual and simple as: “You mentioned having a girlfriend/boyfriend – do you identify as gay/lesbian/bisexual or something else?” Even just the simple act of asking this question shows you are curious about someone’s identity and want to learn about them.

3) Avoid asking questions you would not ask a straight person

There are a lot myths and stigmas out there about bisexuals. (This is a post for another day), but often the best way to avoid asking something offensive is to apply it to the majority.

For example, I’m fairly certain every openly bisexual person as been asked: “So which do you prefer? Men or Women?” (Please don’t do this!)

This is like asking a straight person “So which of the past partners do you prefer?” or “Do you prefer blond or brunettes?” It reduces bisexual people down to their dating choices, which is one aspect of someone’s identity and doesn’t encompass who they are as a person or what their sexuality may mean to them. Bisexual people may show a pattern of dating more of one gender than the other, but chances are, if someone identifies as bisexual they may not have a strong enough preference for one gender in order to feel that either “straight” or “gay” fits them. It feeds into the myth that bisexual people can’t choose or are confused.

Some bisexuals have been labeled as ‘going through a phase’ or ‘indecisive’. Flip this on it’s head – Would you ask a straight person, “Are you sure you’re straight? Have you tried something else? Are you just experimenting?”

Using this measurement (“Would I make this assumption about a straight person?”) is a good way to tell if you are asking something that could be seen as oppressive or offensive.

By taking the time to be curious and go outside your comfort zone, you have started to take steps towards being an ally to bisexual people. While this post is tailored around the bisexual community, these concepts and questions can be tweaked to apply to all types of sexual orientation, gender expression and relationship status to help you be more sensitive and understanding to those within the LGBTQ+ community.

If you are seeking a therapist who is knowledgeable and passionate about working with the LGBTQ+ community please reach out to me at 970-403-4173 for a free consultation. I work with individuals within the LGBTQ+ community and also support those who have loved ones/family within the LGBTQ+ community.

***

Arianna Smith Counseling LLC

970-403-4173

ariannasmithcounseling@gmail.com

[ober-affen-geil]

Never, in my life, did I think that I, an asexual, would feel seen by a CW show. But I very much did, so let’s talk about how Alex Manes made that happen for me. 

*spoilers for 2x06, if you weren’t already spoiled lmao. CW for discussion of sexual situations*

To reiterate more specifically: NEVER. In my life. Did I think that I, an asexual, would feel seen by a THREEWAY SEX SCENE in a CW show. And fair warning I am writing this without really looking at anything besides the episode so bear with me, this is gonna be a lot more about my reaction to the scene than anything else.

So the thing is, in my opinion, that moment wasn’t really about sex. It was about love and comfort and making sure that everyone present was included in that reassurance.

It’s coming on the heels of a pretty intense evening; Michael, Maria, and Alex were all threatened with deadly bodily harm and Michael and Alex were actually physically injured. Alex arguably moreso. 

I’ve noted it when talking about Michael and Alex (like a lot so I’m not even going to try to link a specific meta), but Alex is actually a person who communicates well with physical touch; it’s a big part of his body language when it comes to him expressing intimacy. He’s not necessarily used to it casually (note the eyebrows flying into outer space when Maria sits on him in 2x05), but he does use it for comfort with people he loves.

In the truck with Maria earlier in the episode for example, he reaches out to her physically in reassurance several times. In the Airstream while Michael is tending to his stab wound (AND NO, I WILL NEVER BE OVER THE IRONY OF MICHAEL TREATING A HOLE IN ALEX’S CHEST), Maria is plastered to Alex’s side.

In fact, Maria is the one communicating with physical comfort in this scene, a lot.

Michael says “I could have lost you. Both of you.” while crouching at their feet. He then stands and moves away to the other side of the Airstream, unsure if his physical presence is welcomed by either of them. He and Maria are by all appearances still on the outs after she learned the truth and he and Alex are only just starting to get new ground under their feet in terms of their relationship to each other. Maria moves to offer him reassurance, and this is the first time she leaves Alex’s side since the scene began.

She tells Michael “I’m here” in answer to his fears, and kisses him in further reassurance. It’s clear at this point Alex is feeling like he’s not welcome, like he’s intruding. He makes excuses (It’s getting late) and Maria immediately moves to his side again. She reaches for him, again, and tells him “I don’t want you to go.” And Alex, either in an effort to comfort her or in a moment of vulnerability (or both, why not), says “I don’t really want to leave.” This is when it becomes obvious to Maria (imo) that Alex is not just accepting physical comfort right now, he needs it. Badly. So she kisses him. 

This is not a sexual gesture. Honestly, her kissing Michael wasn’t really a sexual gesture either, but this one most certainly isn’t.

We know from their conversation in the truck that this is not the first time Alex and Maria have kissed. And it’s definitely not the first time Alex has been physically intimate with a woman, but he specifically says that Maria was the only one he didn’t feel like he was hiding himself with.

“Kissing you in that closet was the first time I enjoyed touching someone”, so for Alex, Maria is someone he loves; he takes genuine comfort from her contact. It doesn’t mean he’s any less gay. It is possible for a gay man to love a woman deeply, and even to engage in intimate physical contact with her, without experiencing sexual attraction to her. (Split attraction model ‘till I die.)

Maria kissing Alex is reassurance, not an indication of sexual interest. Michael is the one who voices the fear that he almost lost both Maria and Alex, but in reality they all almost lost each other. The kiss is Maria’s way of saying “I’m here, it’s ok, I want you to stay. I’m here.”

(This is where we really get into my interpretation of things so bear with me, this is my opinion and I’m not stating it as fact.)

When Maria pulls back, Alex repeats his line (Maria, I don’t want to leave) which, to me, says he’s emphasizing something. His glance at Michael makes me think he’s trying to tell Maria that he does need and want physical comfort right now, from Michael. It’s not...asking permission so much as telling her what he’s feeling. 

“I just want us all safe” is her answer, and it’s...again not permission but more...acquiescence. Agreement, and an echo of sentiment. Maria can’t give Alex the comfort he needs right now, and he can’t give her what she needs either. But Michael can offer them both what they need, if he consents. He double checks with them (What are we doing?) because this is a pretty big step to take, but Maria answers him the same way she did Alex. “It’s ok.”

What follows is. Well sex, for sure, but it’s not about that. When Michael and Alex have their talk the morning after, Michael says with certainty it made him feel “loved”. And Alex agrees. Which is kind of a big deal, for both of them.

It was a sharing, an acknowledgement of both Alex and Maria’s romantic and sexual feelings for Michael (and his for them) as well as the deep, platonic love of Alex and Maria’s friendship. It’s an incredible display of trust and vulnerability, which is probably why Alex describes the idea of it as “hell” after the fact. 

But it wasn’t hellish, it was necessary physical comfort offered and given freely. It was love, plain and simple. And that’s fucking beautiful imo.

[buggachat]

A Love Letter to LadyNoir

I said I was going to write an essay about how great LadyNoir is, and I wasn’t lying.

DISCLAIMER I: All sides of the love square are wonderful! I love them all a lot, and this is in no way hate for any side. It’s kind of hard to say “this side is my favorite” without comparing it to the other sides at least a little, but the other sides are still amazing and I love them to bits too!!

DISCLAIMER II: Yes, Chat Noir is an ass to Ladybug when it comes to being rejected. This is absolutely true and I’m not going to defend that. Ladybug has every right to not want to be with Chat Noir, and him repeatedly asking her out and then openly moping about it when she says no, despite KNOWING she’ll say no, is very Bad. I’m not here to defend that. However, Ladybug and Chat Noir are 14, and Chat Noir is not only navigating love for the first time, but relationships in general as well. I’m not excusing it, and this is Definitely and Objectively a flaw of his, but it’s something he can (and I expect WILL) overcome and grow out of as he matures and realizes the error in his ways.

And after he grows out of it? Once Chat Noir matures and learns to be more respectful to Ladybug’s feelings? You know what’s left? The best ship ever, that’s what. 

Here’s a list in no particular order about all the amazing things the LadyNoir side of the love square has to offer, and why it’s my favorite:

• Their aesthetic is literally picnics on top of the Eiffel Tower under the setting sun and racing each other across Paris’ rooftops.

• Do you like soulmate AUs? Because LadyNoir is basically a soulmate AU in and of itself. They are creation and destruction and the most obvious representation of the yin/yang part of the love square. They’re two halves of a whole. They balance each other out.

• Ladybug and Chat Noir actually argue with each other! This may sound like a bad thing, but... they’re the first side of the love square to get comfortable enough to tell each other when they’re upset with the other. I feel like that’s a pretty important thing. Adrichat is not yet secure enough with Marinette to argue with her, and Maribug is not yet secure enough with Adrien to argue with him. Ladybug and Chat Noir are so comfortable and secure in their dynamic with each other that they can be totally honest with each other when the other upsets them. basically, they can bicker like an old married couple and it’s beautiful

•They share a burden that literally nobody else in Paris has. The temporary heroes have gotten a taste of what it’s like, sure, but nobody but Ladybug and Chat Noir truly understand the lengths that they have to go through to keep their secrets, the frustration of having to slip away from friends/family to transform at a moment’s notice, etc... 

Picture: Ladybug’s responsibilities start weighing her down, so she goes to confide in Chat Noir, the only other person who can at all understand what she’s going through. He holds her and reminds her of how amazing she is, tells her how much he believes in her, reassures her that he’ll always be there by her side no matter what, offers to take some of the burden off of her shoulders, and then ends it all with a silly joke that makes her laugh.

• Ladybug and Chat Noir sharing stories about their kwamis, horror stories about the worst-possible-times they had to transform, laughing about their worst excuses, etc. They have so much to bond over that is so specific to them.

• This may sound silly at first, but hear me out..... LadyNoir is the most honest side of the love square. Yes, they have the most secrets between them (they literally don’t even know each other’s names), but they also have the least amount of secrets. Does that make sense? Let me explain:

Ladybug is fully and completely aware that Chat Noir has a name and life that she doesn’t know about, and vice versa. They are completely aware that the other has secrets, and have openly consented to not knowing them. Yes, they know the least about each other— but they’ve agreed to not know those things, which cannot be said for other sides of the love square.

• The amount of trust between them. They literally trust each other with their lives on a daily basis, not to mention the amount of trust they have that the other wont take a peak when they have to detransform near each other.

• How in sync they are with each other. Ladybug and Chat Noir just understand each other so innately, even with minimal verbal communication. They understand each other’s body language so well, and I don’t know how many times Ladybug gave the vaguest instruction to Chat Noir and he just knew what she meant.

• Ladybug and Chat Noir met first. This isn’t really important, but I wanted to point it out anyways. The first time the love square ever met was when they were Ladybug and Chat Noir, and Ladybug was the first friend Adrien made besides Chloé. I just think this is a cute fun fact so I wanted to throw it in here.

• The forbidden love aspect. They can’t know each other’s secret identities... they don’t even know each other’s names, and loving each other is putting them at risk for being taken advantage by Hawkmoth... but imagine them hiding away on a dark rooftop, stealing kisses and telling each other about how much they love each other despite it all. 

• There is so much ‘Adrien and Marinette never met AU’ potential with LadyNoir. Imagine it with pre-established LadyNoir... and imagine their reveal, and they don’t know each other, and they actually get to meet each other. Imagine the potential of a fic about a long-standing and committed relationship between two people who never learned each other’s names, finally meeting for the actual first time. Imagine them getting to know things about each other’s personal lives, introducing them to their friends and family, slowly learning about all the things that they’d had to hide from each other for so many years......... honestly, it’s a trope/au that I love SO MUCH and honestly isn’t touched on nearly enough. I could go on about it forever.

• Relationships dwindle and get strained... Adrien and Marinette might graduate high school, go to different universities, and lose touch. Or maybe they might become too busy to be able to make time for each other... LadyNoir, though? Ladybug and Chat Noir are stuck together at LEAST until Hawkmoth is defeated, whether they like it or not. 

• Enemies AU potential. I mean, Hawkmoth is literally Chat Noir’s father... imagine an AU where Adrien has been tricked by his father into thinking he’s on the good side, that what he’s doing will save his mother’s life and no one will actually get hurt, and then he meets Ladybug, sees her give her big speech to Paris, and falls in love. Chat Noir fighting with trying to justify his father’s actions vs knowing that Ladybug is objectively good. Ladybug seeing the good in Chat Noir, knowing that he’s not evil like Hawkmoth, and actively reaching out to him... so much potential, you guys.

• Ladybug and Chat Noir are the most confident versions of themselves... which means that, as their relationship progresses and they get to know each other, they’ll slowly learn each other’s insecurities, short-comings, greatest fears, etc. LadyNoir starts with masks, and then the two slowly open up and learn about the vulnerable side of each other, and I think that progression is amazing.

Like yeah, Marinette learning that Adrien has a joking/flirty/silly side to him is great and all... but you know what I think’s even cuter? Ladybug learning that Chat Noir has a timid/sad side to him. And Adrien learning that Marinette has a powerful/confident side to her? Great. Chat Noir learning that Ladybug has a clumsy/awkward/insecure side to her? Amazing.

• The FLIRTING AND BANTER. And I don’t just mean Chat Noir... Pre-Glaciator, Ladybug would sometimes flirt back with Chat Noir if the situation wasn’t too dire. 

I mean seriously... these two together have so much chemistry. They’re so funny to watch on screen together / read fanfics of, and the way they bounce off each other is just priceless.

Now imagine them dating. Imagine all their playful banter and flirting, but tenfold. 

• Ladybug pets Chat Noir like a cat.

That is all.

• Do you like angst? Because oh boy... the amount of close calls that they’ve had together... the amount of times they’ve watched the other get hurt. The emotional toll that takes on them. The way Ladybug frets over him and pulls him up when he’s injured, the way that we’ve seen them look at each other and fear that it could be the last, the way that Chat Noir has literally sacrificed his life for her multiple times....

There is an infinite amount of potential for "my love dying in my arms”, “I thought I was going to lose you”, and physical hurt/comfort scenarios with these guys, and all with a happy ending because of the Miraculous Ladybug Cure. Like, seriously.... there’s so much potential.

•They’re so emotionally supportive with each other. Seriously... the way they treat each other is so caring. Like, they care deeply about each other’s mental health, and the fact that these emotional scenes happen in the middle of such dire situations really helps to emphasize how much they’re willing to set aside in order to take care of each other.

In conclusion: The ML writing staff made the "Chat Noir can’t take rejection” subplot to nerf LadyNoir because otherwise it would be too powerful.

[p1harmonyofficial]

[📰] K-Pop Rookies P1Harmony Are Writing Their Own Coming of Age Story

By Crystal Bell

K-pop group P1Harmony debuted three months ago with their audacious single "Siren," and member Jiung is already dreaming of the perfect solo vacation. The 19-year-old singer wants to emphasize that this is a trip he'd like to — no, needs to — do alone, when he can safely do so. ("You need to bold the word 'alone,'" leader Keeho adds in English, a knowing glint of mirth in his eyes. "Put it in italics too.") So, more about this excursion: "If possible, I want to go to a foreign country," Jiung tells Teen Vogue from an office in Seoul, South Korea. He doesn't have a specific place in mind, just somewhere new and exciting and, most importantly, a place where he can be alone to freely organize his thoughts without any other responsibilities.

It sounds like a lyric ripped from the pages of his notebook, or the plot of a coming-of-age movie his 17-year-old groupmate Intak would enjoy: a young man on a voyage of self-discovery, chasing a feeling to a faraway land to escape his adolescent ennui. For now, however, it's just a lofty resolution for the new year.

"I also want to travel alone because I've never done it before," youngest member Jongseob, who recently turned 15, enthusiastically offers in Korean. Jiung, always one to help the younger sort out his feelings, is quick to quash the teenage rapper's theoretical plans. "That's not very realistic," he says. "You're too young to travel alone." Undeterred, Jongseob carries on: "Then my goal this year is to drink more milk."

"He wants to grow taller, but I don't think milk helps that much," Keeho comments, shaking his head while his teal quiff stays firmly in place. "I heard that's a myth."

Technically, they're not wrong. Unaccompanied minors can't travel internationally without a parent's formal consent in South Korea, and there's no proven scientific correlation between dairy and height. But spoken aloud, this interaction sounds more like playful goading among good friends. It's a testament to Keeho, Theo, Jiung, Intak, Soul, and Jongseob's comfortable dynamic as a group that the copper-haired youngest just earnestly smiles through the minor sting of his hopes being swiftly dashed.

For all of the training that goes into a K-pop artist's career, perhaps the most vital lesson is learning how to symbiotically coexist in close quarters with someone who is unfamiliar to you. Like most things, it is a process. Harmony isn't achieved overnight, especially among six teenage boys who have differing definitions of the word "clean." Cultural differences present unique challenges, too. When Keeho left his home in Canada to pursue his musical dreams as a trainee at FNC Entertainment in Seoul, he didn't have much trouble fitting in. Or so he thought. "He was funny," Jiung says in retrospect. "But I don't think we were able to communicate well." It wasn't that they couldn't understand what Keeho was saying — the soulful singer grew up speaking Korean with his family — but rather they couldn't understand him.

"Everyone would be stressed out, and I would be like, 'Guys, relax. Why are you stressing out over this?'" Keeho says animatedly with his hands. "They couldn't understand why I was so relaxed. How could I not care about anything? And I couldn't understand why they were always so stressed about things. It took a while to get on the same page."

That's where communication comes in. "The key is being honest," Jiung explains. "We have a lot of talks." These regular conversations allow the members to resolve potential issues before they spiral into larger, more disharmonious problems. Keeho is refreshingly open about this. "We're always stuck together," he adds. "We live together. We see each other 24 hours a day. Seeing anyone 24 hours a day, you'll eventually be, like, ugh, get away from me, but because we communicate so much, that [feeling] is reduced." Establishing rules and boundaries also helps. "We have a basic rule that you clean up the mess you've made," Jongseob says from where he's perched behind Jiung. (This rule is especially important to methodical Jiung.) And then there's vocalist Theo, the eldest member who also takes on the role of the group's even-keeled mediator because he's a good listener, and he likes giving advice.

"I'm not very opinionated," the blonde says. At 19, he's a few months older than Keeho but harder to read. He's both lighthearted and enigmatic. "I'm not good at expressing my feelings," Theo explains. "But the members are really good at expressing themselves and their emotions, so I'm learning how to open up because of them." According to Keeho, Theo is "bad at being serious," adding, "We'll have to have a serious talk, and he won't be able to take it. He's always trying to lighten the mood. He's the comedic relief."

Keeho makes a habit of describing the members' various idiosyncrasies in fervent detail. It's a very leaderly thing to do, to make sure that everyone feels understood. Occasionally, he also jumps in to help interpret their answers into English, or to encourage others to speak. Soul, who is half-Korean but was raised in Japan, could be described as a quiet person: an introvert who wears a lot of black, listens to metal, and has a particular obsession with massive skull rings and accessories. But he's also acutely perceptive. He'd rather listen and observe than be an active participant in the conversation. "I like when the rest of the members are discussing an idea," he says quietly in Korean (he's still learning the language). "I like watching them talk." It's not that he's not involved, but as Keeho puts it, "He's always supporting us silently and observing us." For Soul, it's more fun to sit and watch.

You can get a sense of these dynamics as they unfold on the last track of the group's debut EP, Disharmony: Stand Out. It's a skit, or audio recording of the members — then, just trainees — as they talk candidly about their dreams to perform and contemplate the implications of such aspirations. "I work hard here for the debut, but when I go to school, I wonder, 'What am I doing here?'" Intak says on tape, recalling how strange it feels to not have the same priorities as his classmates who are all preparing for their college admissions. Theo quells his concerns, telling him how lucky he is to already be working toward his dream. "That's a cool thing," Keeho adds, as Soul silently listens in the background.

While his peers prepared for their academic futures, Intak was spending his evenings dancing, rapping, singing, and writing lyrics, while also stunt training alongside his groupmates and preparing to become a… movie star. A few weeks before the release of their album, P1H: A New World Begins hit theaters across South Korea in early October. The first K-pop origin story to hit the big screen, the feature film introduced P1Harmony and their sci-fi lore to the masses. Long story short: After a deadly virus spreads chaos and violence around the globe, six boys with extraordinary gifts are humanity's only hope for survival. The filming experience was invaluable for the artists, who until that point had only ever studied music and performance. "Acting training really helped with my facial expressions," Intak says. "I learned how to portray my emotions on stage." Keeho agrees, adding, "We got very friendly with the camera."

Singers who rap, rappers who sing, dancers who act — the boys of P1Harmony forgo clearly defined roles in favor of being versatile and, well, good at everything.

As for their music, Disharmony: Stand Out is a snapshot of Gen Z unrest, simmering with angst ("Siren") and bucking wildly, vibrantly against convention ("Nemonade"). Teenage turmoil has been fueling the K-pop industry since the very beginning, and there's a certain nostalgia to P1Harmony's no-holds-barred approach. Members Soul and Jongseob both credit B.A.P and their hard-hitting style with inspiring them to become artists, with Zelo influencing Jongseob to pursue rap in elementary school. You can hear those more aggressive, hip-hop-tinged influences on Disharmony, as well as softer, more lyrical R&B flourishes ("Butterfly").

"We wanted to convey feelings and situations that are not harmonious," Jongseob says. "We want to say don't be afraid to stand out and to say what you want to say — speak your truth, and do it with courage and confidence." Despite his age, the young rapper carries himself like a veteran. By all accounts, he's earned the title, having won the competition series K-pop Star 6 at age 12 in 2017 and competed in YG Treasure Box less than two years later. These experiences, he says, helped him feel more comfortable performing. By the time he came to FNC, he was already a prodigy with the confidence and flow of a performer twice his age.

"There are so many people, our age especially, who aren't always able to speak courageously and confidently," Keeho adds. "So we wanted to encourage everyone, especially ourselves, to never be afraid to say what you want to say."

And they practice what they preach. All of the members are credited lyricists on the album, with all six collaborating on the roaring hip-hop track "That's It." Part cypher, part vibes, "That's It" is teeming with boyish swagger and possibility. "Even though it was the first time all six of us worked on a song together, surprisingly we were all on the same page from the very first meeting, and it came together quickly," Jiung recounts, adding that each member wrote their own verse. "It was fun," Keeho chirps.

That creative energy is also channeled into their performances. "Because we do take part in a lot of the songwriting, we also want to convey that in our dance," Intak explains. Though he's part of the group's rap line, his first love was dance. He started taking lessons as a child. "My mom is a dancer, so she's where I got my love of dancing," he says. As such, he's well-versed in conveying emotion through motion. "We always have an idea of how we want to portray these emotions with our bodies," he says. The members choreograph their own center gestures. These movements are a small but significant part of any performance, because this is where their charisma and individuality shine brightest.

"I wanted to become a singer because I wanted to perform onstage," Theo says. "So being able to be on music programs performing on real stages, surrounded by bright LED lights and visual backdrops, I feel like a main character. When all of the lights are on me, I feel like a star."

Unsurprisingly, even when he's offstage, he's still singing. He even likes to call his friends and take song requests. "I like to sing to my friends through the phone," he says. "I'll sing anything they want. I play piano for them, too. They're very open to listening to me." Next to him, Keeho adds, "My friends would not want me to sing to them." (The internet respectfully disagrees.) Meanwhile, Jongseob turns to making music and writing lyrics in his downtime. It's a great way to relieve stress, he says. These days, Intak turns to animated films to ease his mind. He's a fan of Studio Ghibli films, and he really likes the Japanese manga characters Doraemon and Shin Chan.

"I watch a lot of coming-of-age stories about these innocent kids who are in the process of becoming adults," he explains. "I get inspired by watching them. I don't want to lose that innocence, so watching those animations make me feel youthful." It's hard to imagine Intak without his boyish sensibility. It's seeped into every social media post and YouTube vlog (or, #PLOG). Yet, as an artist, as a teenager, it's an unusual phenomenon to be perceived by thousands of fans before having the clarity to perceive yourself. It's something no amount of Miyazaki or training prepares you for.

Initially, Theo had a hard time opening up on camera. The mere thought of it made him nervous, but the more he did it, the easier it was for him to parse his own feelings. "I'm not very good at expressing emotions like thank you and I love you," he says. "But it's a lot easier to express those feelings now because I feel them so sincerely. I can say thank you for loving me [to fans] because I truly mean it."

"There are people from all around the world who leave me messages, and that makes me so happy," Intak says. "It drives me to do more and to give more to them."

And there will be more to give. Disharmony: Stand Out was just the beginning, and Keeho already has some very big goals for 2021. At the top of the list? "Rookie of the Year, come on!" he says spiritedly of the K-pop industry's coveted award. "It's definitely possible. I'm manifesting it right now." He also wants to make more music, maybe release more covers. "We want to come back a lot," he smiles. "I'm thinking [of] at least three releases next year."

Then there are more personal goals, like Jiung's solo travels. "I want to take better care of my mental health," he adds, noting that it starts with a more positive mindset. "I want to be a better person overall." Intak wants to, for the first time in his young life, maintain a consistent routine for a healthier lifestyle. That includes getting enough sleep when there aren't any schedules. ("He could sleep, but he chooses not to," Keeho jokes.) After monitoring his fancams, Theo has decided that he wants to build more muscle. And Soul hopes to go home to Japan to see his dog, a Frenchie named Mochi.

As for Keeho, in true Libra fashion, he wants to maintain a sense of balance: "I want to stay true to myself," he says. "I don't want to be like, oh, the fame is getting to me. I don't want to change. I want to stay grounded and stay thankful and be grateful, always. I also want to make some more money." He laughs, then adds, "I can't lie!"

No, he can't. Honesty is the key to harmony, after all.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hey sex witch! I had sex with my girlfriend (both of us are cis women) for the first time recently and while it was a nice experience, I didn't manage to orgasm because I was too in my head about it. We talked about it and I explained to her it wasn't her fault but I can tell she feels quite bad about it. Do you have any tips for how to get into a more receptive headspace during sex? I tend to overthink a lot and I know that's causing me some mental barriers, although I'm happy to just be with her even if there's no "Happy ending" so to speak (not to be sappy but the real happy ending is just being with her) but I'd like to have that experience with her. Additionally do you have any advice on how to reassure her that it's not her fault? Even if it's just statistics or something I could quote to her, that would be helpful. Thank you for doing what you do and I hope you're keeping well!

hi anon,

we have a lot to talk about here, and in true sex witch style I’m going to begin by suggesting that we examine a bit of language you used and work to reframe it.

you mentioned explaining to your girlfriend that it’s not her fault you didn’t have an orgasm, and that’s true! but I would love to take that thought even further and point out that saying she isn’t at fault implies that somebody else is, because something happened that was sufficiently undesirable as to necessitate finding somewhere to place the blame.

that’s not the case at all! you said yourself that you had a nice experience, which should really be the only goal in mind anytime anybody has sex. (with the obvious exception of people trying to get pregnant, which also a very cool goal.) as long as everyone had a nice time, there’s really nothing to fret about at all. 

but it sounds like you are blaming yourself, anon, based on the way you’re laying out what you’ve decided are your shortcomings in this area and the fact that you’ve asked for advice on how to fix them. and I hate to see that! so let’s talk about why neither you nor your girlfriend have done anything wrong and this is 100% completely totally normal and fine.

first off: you’re just... not going to orgasm every time you have sex. nobody is. it’s just not gonna happen! and that’s FINE. orgasms aren’t magical indicators of pure sexual pleasure, they’re muscle spasms that happen in response to certain stimuli. they’re nice, but they’re also not the defining factor of having good sex. (that would be, like, consent and mutual reciprocity and communication.)

second: this was literally the first time y’all had sex!!! I’m sure you have an absolutely lovely relationship, but learning how to have sex with a new person takes time and practice and, again, communication. it doesn’t matter how good sex in previous relationships might have been, there’s no universal Good At Sex skill that will let you give instant orgasms to every new partner. 

each person has their own grab bag of likes, dislikes, sensitivities, wants, and needs to explore, and the exploration period with a new partner should be a time to have fun, ask questions, and keep an open mind, rather than kicking yourself because things don’t go the way you think they should.

third: speaking of the way you (and this is the hypothetical ‘you,’ dear anon, not you specifically) imagine sex should go - if I haven’t already made this clear, there’s no particular thing that’s supposed to happen during sex except that everyone present agrees to be having sex and has a pleasant time. that can involve any configuration of bodies, parts, positions, toys, kinks, and snack breaks that you like, and can end whenever you want. I tend to emphasize focusing more on quitting when it stops feeling good and/or being fun, rather than waiting for an orgasm to pop off. 

since you trust me at least enough to ask my opinion on this, let me offer you some personal insight: I don’t really orgasm with partners. I mean, I don’t really have partners anymore, because I was on a year long no sex streak when COVID hit and it was all downhill from there, but back in the olden days, when I had sex with other people? I would tell them up front that they probably weren’t going to make me cum and that they shouldn’t worry about it too much or take it personally. getting that out of the way right off the bat was tremendously helpful, because it absolved everyone involved - myself included - of any expectation that we were waiting for me to cum and allowed us to focus on other, more interesting things, like literally every other part of sex. 

am I saying that you should give up entirely? absolutely not! what I’m trying to communicate here is that “having an orgasm” is absolutely not the same as “having a cool and fun sexual experience,” and the faster we separate those ideas, the better.

fourth: “Makenzie this is all great, but what if I actually want to have an orgasm? how to I stop overthinking?”

okay, fine. if you’ve hung around this long you’ve earned the spicy secret sex witch tips for How To Do A Good Sex Every Time:

talk to your partner and keep having sex.

like, obviously have a big ol’ conversation about what your expectations are, how you’re defining “good” sex, ways to take that pressure off each other, etc. as one of my housemates generously pointed out while I was telling him about this (because living with me is an experience) talking about sex when you’re not actually having it is SO HEALTHY AND GOOD on every conceivable level. hop to it!

and then, like, just keep practicing. just keep having fun explorative sex to learn each other’s likes and dislikes with no baggage or expectations except growing your relationship and becoming more comfortable with one another. it’s amazing how much easier it is to relax and stop overthinking when you’ve put the work into building that kind of vulnerability and trust with another person. 

[winryofresembool]

Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 25

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: Halloween aftermath

A/N: Sorry for the wait again! This chapter wanted to become long (for my chapter) so I just couldn't finish it in time. About the future schedule, there won't be another chapter this week but given it's only Tuesday now, I think I may be able to update again Friday next week. Fingers crossed!

Thanks for all the comments again, you guys make me so motivated to continue! ♥ But I won't rant more, now I'll let you know what happens after the cliffhanger of ch 24.

Words: 3,8k+

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort

Warnings: none

previous chapter / AO3

...

Calypso woke up with her head banging in pain and a sour taste in her mouth. She also felt like throwing up. What was even worse than that, though, was that she had no idea where she was. She was still wearing a flowy, white dress instead of her pajamas and she didn’t recognize the bed she had slept in. Perhaps the strangest part was that she could hear light snoring from the floor behind the foot of the bed. She sat up on the bed so she could see who caused the sound, panic starting to surge in her veins when she recognized the dark mop of hair under a blanket.

It was Leo, sleeping on a mattress that had been taken from the other side of the double bed she had been sleeping in. What on earth had possessed him to sleep there, Calypso wondered worriedly.

Pulling a cover over her (which, she knew, was silly because obviously Leo had already seen her in her dress earlier) she continued scanning her surroundings and slowly started making some conclusions. This had to be Jason and Piper’s house, where they had stayed the night after the Halloween party. A party. Right. Her last clear thoughts were from the moment when she had seen the two Hunter girls arrive at the party. After that, she remembered vaguely fleeing the room and finding something to drink, and that’s when her memory got really blurry. And that was the truly scary part. She hadn’t been truly drunk even once within the past five years but she did know way too well what had happened the previous time she had done that. The biggest mistake of her life.

Before she allowed her mind to draw any more conclusions, she decided to rise from her bed and check up on Leo. He was still sound asleep and since the blanket had partially fallen off of him, she could see that he was wearing a tank top and boxers, which she took as a good sign. Since they both were at least somewhat clothed, she thought it was quite unlikely that they had crossed the line that she was not ready to cross. But that didn’t mean that nothing had happened.

“Ahem,” she cleared her throat while wrapping the bed cover around her a bit better, trying to make Leo wake up. She needed to do that at least twice more before he finally stirred.

“Wha… Woah!” He yelped with surprise when he realized where he was and with whom, quickly pulling his blanket over his mostly bare legs. “Morning, Sunshine. How are you feeling today?”

The panic had momentarily made Calypso forget about her headache and dizziness but now that Leo reminded her of it, she realized they hadn’t disappeared anywhere. Sitting back on her bed, she sighed.

“I’ve been better, that’s for sure.” She rubbed her forehead for a moment. “The worst part is that I have no idea what happened last night.”

“You… don’t remember any of it?” Leo asked while sitting up, and Calypso thought she could hear a hint of disappointment in his voice.

“I do remember what happened before my first drink,” Calypso clarified. “But not much after that.”

“In that case, I think I can help you fill some gaps,” Leo replied. “If you want to.”

“That would be good.” Calypso tried to undo some knots in her hair with her fingers, sighing with frustration. “Maybe you can start with explaining why we are both here. I mean, in this room. I think Piper and Jason have several extra rooms in their house.”

Leo’s face turned bright red at the implications of Calypso’s question. He had to clear his throat before he managed to answer. “Um… You were really not feeling well last night… And to be honest, some moments you seemed pretty desperate to… I don’t know, it seemed like you were trying to escape from Thalia and Reyna every time they tried to talk to you. So, um, we, as in, me, Piper, Jason, Annabeth and Percy thought that someone should probably keep an eye on you. Just in case. So. I volunteered.”

Calypso wanted to keep Leo distracted so he wouldn’t ask more about Thalia and Reyna so she asked: “But why you, and not for example Piper? She lives here so it would have been easier for her. You could have just driven home and come to pick me up today or something.”

“That’s… that’s true but I felt it was my duty… as your flatmate, of course… to make sure you’re OK,” Leo stuttered. Calypso had a feeling it wasn’t the whole truth but she didn’t push it. “Alright,” Calypso said. “But why were you sleeping in this room? Like I said earlier, there are other places…”

“Ahem,” Leo made a coughing sound again. “That’s because you asked me to stay here. And I’m not lying about that. You can think anything you want about me but I would not do anything without your consent… um, not that any of that has even crossed my mind, gods.”

Even though Calypso was relieved to hear that because it proved that nothing had happened between them, she had to admit to herself that perhaps a tiny part of her was a bit disappointed. Leo’s reply made it sound like he did not have any romantic feelings towards her. Or then he was a liar. Either way, Calypso wasn’t sure what she should think.

“I… asked you to stay with me?” she repeated instead.

“Um, yeah,” Leo replied, his fingers tapping on his blanket absentmindedly. “You said something about nightmares… and I dunno, you just didn’t wanna be alone. Piper asked if you’d like her to stay but… you picked me? I don’t know why.”

There was a long pause before Calypso answered. Maybe it was her dizzy head making her make decisions she usually wouldn’t, but she thought there was no reason to deny it anymore. Feeling the warmth on her cheeks, she finally replied: “That’s because – I hate myself for this, but - you… you mean more to me than her.”

“I… what?” Leo frowned, looking like he was wondering if he had heard right.

Calypso sighed deeply and hid her face into her hands. She hated how fast her heart was racing in that moment. “I’ve been trying to deny that for several weeks now, but… I guess the drunk me was more honest than what I usually am.”

Leo crossed his arms, inching closer to Calypso on his mattress so he could look at her directly. “But… but… what does it mean? I mean, I do have an idea because I’m not an idiot even if I seem like one – but I need to hear it from you.”

“Leo Valdez, it means I like you! In a very non flatmate like way! There, are you happy now?” Calypso’s voice started cracking and she felt like she was on the verge of tears.

“Of course I am!” He exclaimed, almost jumping up from his mattress. “I think I’ve had a crush on you ever since you got mad at me for smashing your table!”

Calypso’s mouth opened in surprise. “You… have? But… how?”

“When you got mad at me that time, I saw some fire in your eyes. Like, OK, I’m gonna admit that you looked hot from moment one but I didn’t care about that. I didn’t,” he repeated when Calypso looked at him skeptically. “I know a lot of girls who kinda remind me of you with their shiny long hair, perfect eyelashes, et cetera, but many of them are the type of people who used to laugh at me at high school. And I mean, not in a good way. But when I saw that fire, somehow I was convinced that you were different. You have just the kind of spunk that I like and you’re not afraid to call me out when I deserve it – but you’re still fair and don’t judge the book by its cover. Fine, of course I was worried I was wrong and you wouldn’t forgive me for that mistake. But, somehow, this one time, I was right. And I only got more convinced as I learned to know you better.”

“Leo…” Calypso was starting to lose the fight against the tears.

Leo looked extremely worried when he realized she was crying. “What? I thought you’d be happy to hear that? I like you – you apparently like me for whatever crazy reason – what’s the problem?”

Calypso tried to brush off the tears from her face before answering, her eyes sparkling with frustration. “The problem is that you just made this – what I should do – a hundred times harder! If… if you hadn’t answered to my feelings, I could have just tried to accept that and eventually moved on. But… how are we going to live with this knowledge, live under the same roof… when nothing can happen?!”

Leo started to freak out. “What do you mean ‘nothing can happen’? Calypso, could you please finally be clear with me? Why did you just confess your feelings and then say… that?”

Calypso didn’t miss that Leo used her full first name, a thing he did quite rarely. Her voice was still a bit hoarse when she answered:

“Alright. I have plenty of reasons but here’s the first one: In the past… I’ve had nothing but unsuccessful relationships. I may have been really young back then, but it made me doubt myself, Leo. Several guys I really liked - and I imagined they liked me back - told me some big words… only to run to their ‘real’ girlfriends at the first possible opportunity. You’d probably say ‘but that was many years ago, screw those guys’!”

“Damn right, I would!” Leo exclaimed, slamming his fist on the floor next to him to emphasize his point.

“… And I wish it was that simple but it isn’t.” Calypso shook her head. “There’s more to that story than I care to explain right now. And then I met Percy a couple of years later and thought that maybe I’d be ready to try again. Well, you know what happened. It did not work out and I decided that when I’d finally have my freedom… I mean, when I’d move out and start my studies, I would make sure that I really am ready for a relationship before starting one. And I’m sorry, but… I don’t think I’m quite there yet. I want to learn to love myself before… you know.”

Leo finally stood up from his mattress and sat down next to her on the bed, not even caring about the fact that he was still wearing only a thin tank top and boxers anymore.

“I guess I can understand that,” he said, spontaneously taking her hand into his as a comforting gesture. “I’m no stranger to self doubt.”

“Then I guess we have that in common…” Calypso sighed, allowing Leo’s hands to remain on hers. “However… that’s not the only reason why I think it would not be a good idea.”

“What else is there?” Leo asked.

Calypso looked down at their intertwined hands sadly. “Well… I think I’ve told you my father is not the nicest of guys… But the truth is, I left home without his consent or knowledge. So, he’s probably looking for me right now. And if he does find me, I don’t know what will happen. I may have to go back. And I definitely don’t want him to find out about you. He has money and a lot of power and he’s capable of ruining anyone’s life if he wants to. He’d probably blame you for hiding me and have you arrested or something… It would break me if something happened to any of you, because of me.”

“Why… Why haven’t you told this to me before?” Leo’s grip on her hand tightened slightly and even though Calypso didn’t dare to look into his eyes, she imagined that they were burning in anger like she had seen a couple of times before.

Calypso rubbed her forehead tiredly with her free hand. “Because… what would you do in that situation?! I’d arrive at your home and introduce myself: ‘hey, I’m Calypso, your new flatmate, and by the way, I’m running away from my father who may or may not have kept me as a hostage for several years, but yeah, nice to meet you!’”

“A hostage?” Leo was practically growling now.

“Well… “ Calypso was suddenly hesitant, realizing she had revealed more than intended. “I was allowed to go to places… sometimes… but never alone… And I was homeschooled so… I did spend a lot of time at home… but we had a huge mansion… So it wasn’t like I was trapped in a basement or something…”

“But that doesn’t make it any more right!” Leo was almost yelling now. “I want to do something, I want to let people know what kind of person he is so he can’t keep doing that to you or anyone else anymore!”

“Leo, you can’t!” Calypso squeezed his hand, finally looking up at him. “Do you know how dangerous that would be?! And I swear, with his money he would only make the police go quiet about the whole situation… The main thing is that I’m here, right now, and relatively safe. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he doesn’t care where I am. I don’t know what he’s thinking, to be honest.”

Leo was quiet for a while, breathing heavily and fiddling with the bed covers. “Well… Fine, I’ll let that be, for now. But I swear to gods, or the River Styx, or whatever the hell those ancient Greeks used to swear on, that if he does something to you, I will not let it be anymore. I… and I think I can speak for all of our friends, that we all… will make sure that he will go down with a bang.”

Leo’s comment about the ancient Greeks managed to cheer Calypso up a bit. “You sound like you would physically fight him. And how exactly would you do that?” she asked. “With your tools?”

“That’s not a bad idea!” Leo exclaimed, getting into his fantasies. “I would definitely bring my trusty hammer. Or, I could build a…”

“Hey, now, I was not being serious! But you sound like you are,” Calypso stopped him by putting a finger on his lips. “I absolutely don’t want you to do anything where you could get hurt.”

“Me? Getting hurt? That’s unheard of,” Leo attempted to joke once Calypso removed her finger from his lips.

“Alright, now you’re not being serious. Didn’t you once tell me that you joke especially when you’re nervous?” Calypso remembered one of their earlier conversations.

Leo’s smirk disappeared. “Want me to be honest? I’m not great at the feelings stuff. But I just heard you tell me that you like me. For a moment I was like: ‘hey, for once the chick you like likes you back, maybe this could work out’. And then you told me that apparently your father is some kind of psycho who is still controlling you, his adult daughter. I am glad that you told me about all this but you can’t expect me to stay calm when someone I care about is in danger. You wouldn’t stay calm either, would you?”

Calypso shook her head. “No. You’re right. I would also want to help you. And I really am sorry, I wish things were different and we could… Maybe one day. That’s all I can say.”

Leo sighed and ran his free hand through his hair. “OK. I get it.”,

A silence fell into the room as they both tried to take in what had just happened. Some automatic reaction made Calypso lean her head against Leo’s shoulder as if she was trying to tell him with the touch that she really was sorry. She was thankful he did not shift away. Eventually, she asked:

“So… tell me more about last night. Did I embarrass myself badly?”

“Naah…” Leo lied at first, a smile returning to his face as he remembered some of the things that had happened.

“You just flinched,” Calypso noted. “I felt it. You’re totally lying.”

“Fine. It was pretty funny when you had a karaoke duet with Piper and were too drunk to be able to read the lyrics from the screen so you came up with the words yourself. And at one point you just suddenly switched to Greek and none of us could understand what you were saying. But it wasn’t that bad. And even drunk your voice was kinda impressive. And your dance moves were definitely better than mine.”

“Wait, what? I danced too? Gods, please tell me no one filmed that,” Calypso asked, horrified.

“I can promise no such thing!” Leo grinned, and Calypso stopped leaning her head against him, instead elbowing him on the ribs. “Ow! I’m just joking! I don’t know if Piper got any photo material of that but I was busy dancing with you so I didn’t have time to film anything. Promise.”

“Alright. Sorry.” She lowered her head on his shoulder again.

“Guess we’ll have to hunt down Piper after this,” Leo said with amusement before recalling something. “Anyway, something kinda weird happened too. Like I said, it really seemed like you were trying to avoid Reyna and Thalia and I have no idea why. Every time they got close, you were like ‘gotta get a drink’ or ‘let’s go dance’ or ‘bathroom break’. I’m not even sure if you greeted them. Can you explain that?”

“I… uh,” Calypso tried to come up with something that she wouldn’t have to tell the whole story. “My half sister Zoë… She used to be a Hunter. But she died some years ago. An accident. I think those two probably knew her and… the wound is still too deep so I didn’t want to have to talk about her. It would have ruined everyone’s night.”

“I’m sorry,” Leo said, causing chills in Calypso’s back by running his thumb on the palm of her hand. “I had no idea... Feels like I’m learning a lot more about you now than I have the past few months…” “I probably should have told you about that earlier… So I’m sorry too.”

Leo bit his lip as if he was struggling to decide something. “If it makes you feel any better… I know how it feels to lose someone important. My mum. She died in a fire. Yeah, the fire that started my fear,” Leo confirmed Calypso’s suspicions. “She was the only family I had and after that I went from home to home and no one wanted to keep me… Sometimes I ran away too… That kept going until Emmie and Jo finally found me. It… doesn’t really get easier, but somehow… you still learn to live with it. Because you have to.”

“Yeah. I know the feeling. But if you have to find something positive out of this situation… at least we’re safe now. And we’re not alone, right? That’s what they’d want for us, right?” Calypso sounded a bit unsure, though.

“Yeah. You’re right.” They stayed quiet for a while, but this time the silence was comforting. Finally, Leo decided to break it, in his typical way.

“No offense, Cal, but you could use a shower. For all of our sake.”

Calypso quickly sat farther from him. “Oh my gods, Leo, that is so not appropriate, especially in a situation like this! What’s wrong with you?”

Leo put his hands up defensively. “Was just trying to be honest! The alcohol and the throwing up did not do good to you.” “Geez, I hate you,” Calypso mumbled.

“That’s fine because I hate you too,” Leo claimed.

“Not what you said a moment ago,” Calypso retorted.

“I could say the same back at you.”

Suddenly both Leo and Calypso burst out laughing, needing to release the tension the whole conversation had created. Calypso didn’t remember when she had last laughed that long or hard but she didn’t care, it simply felt right in that moment. When she and Leo finally calmed down, she said quietly:

“Maybe we are idiots, both of us.”

“Maybe. But normalcy is not for me. I learned that a while ago.”

“Same, to be honest.”

Calypso and Leo’s eyes met. Some barriers had been broken that day and even though there was still a lot of work to do, Calypso realized that it had felt good to talk to Leo. He hadn’t judged or questioned, at least not in the way she had expected. He had seemed to accept that she’d come out of her shell with her own terms. Something about it all just felt so right, and when she remembered that he had also admitted he liked her back… she decided it was time to get a bit crazy. Screw the consequences, if they couldn’t enjoy this moment, then what could they enjoy? That’s why she let her hand brush his cheek before resting it in his hair, gently lifting his chin with her other hand so he’d know her intentions…

“Do you think… we could forget about the stupid rules just for a moment?” She asked, resting her forehead on his.

“I think I’m down with that,” Leo smiled at her softly (Calypso didn’t like admitting it but that soft smile never failed to get to her).

They closed their eyes and started leaning even closer, but just when their lips were about to meet, the door opened. The couple quickly separated when Piper peeked in.

“I heard some laughter from here so I thought I’d come to check…” Then she noticed their expressions. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to interrupt!”

“Didn’t interrupt anything,” Leo mumbled, although it was quite clear from his voice he was disappointed.

“Yeah, no worries,” Calypso tried to reassure her as well, although her eyes seemed to be interested in a wrinkle on her dress.

“OK…” Piper wasn’t at all convinced but she didn’t comment on it more. “Well, I just wanted to tell you that we have breakfast downstairs. Whenever you’re up to it.”

“Yeah, we’ll be there in a minute! Just let me… clean up a bit.” Calypso exclaimed, getting up and starting to head to the closest bathroom. Leo also got up from the bed and started pulling on the clothes he had had under his costume the previous day.

“See you soon then,” Piper said, leaving the very flustered couple to get prepared for the day. Calypso could imagine that she and Jason would probably get good laughs from this once she and Leo would leave.

[sergeant-angels-trashcan]

Kate/Bucky because I KNOW you

True friendship fam. Being enabled by friends to talk about your ships

Fake dating: 

well with the OBVIOUS caveat that fake dating turns into REAL dating i feel like a good scenario is Bucky is in the middle of a long, drawn out trial about Is He A Traitor and his lawyer is like “look you are obviously not a traitor and we’ve got ALL the legal ground but there’s also a the public to think about, it would be a good look if you had a significant other and NO IT CAN’T BE STEVE because he’s a character witness and we don’t want any conflict of interest accusations” and after a very long night poking at cold takeout Steve gets a text from Clint “idk my friend kate who is Also Hawkeye”. and it’s perfect! Kate has that Heiress Thing (she’s less of a Paris Hilton heiress and more of an Abigail Disney, she does a lot of charity stuff) going for her, so it lends Bucky an air of normalcy-ish and she’s also a Hawkeye which means she can deal with physical threats that come at Bucky so he doesn’t get his name smeared across the papers for ATTACKING INNOCENT CIVILIANS that may have been hired to kill him BUT VERY GOOD PEOPLE. they are also pretending they’ve been dating for a while so there’s a few long nights of getting to know one another, one of which culminates in Kate managing to get Bucky in an arm bar, and he falls in love INSTANTLY

Bodyswap:

sakfjdlk;fjs;l i’m just stuck on the inherent humor in Kate realizing HOW STRONG AND TALL SHE IS as Bucky. Realizing how much the arm weighs and how it affects his gait (she makes a mental note to talk to Bucky about maybe seeing one of the geniuses they know about it??? surely they can do better??), how he’s SO COLD ALL THE TIME, how he has panic attacks and never??? mentions it??? also, she’s basically Jack Black in Jumanji “OMG bucky come look at my penis!” “I SEE IT ALL THE TIME KATE”

Bucky keeps forgetting how short he is as Kate and gets very mad about it. Did NOT realize how many old injury aches Kate has and vows to pamper her even more/try and make sure she doesn’t get injured as much. Bucky hasn’t had a headache on almost a century and it’s AWFUL.

(”Is this how you feel when you look at me all the time?” Kate says, sort of breathless. “Is this how you feel when you look at me?” he replies. It’s comfort and peace and happiness and breathtaking hope and yeah, like, a lot of horniness. they absolutely decide to have sex and it’s a MESS and hilarious and they both file away a lot of important information to carry back into their bodies)

Sexpollen/fuck or die/aliens made them do it:

i love sex pollen trope but with Kate and Bucky it’s like “how do we emphasize consent” so obviously there’s paperwork and discussions about what happens if they’re in a fuck or die scenario (Kate knows allll about this ok she’s beta’ed Billy’s fanfiction before). I feel like it’s either Rocket’s fault or Gwenpool’s? Not important. What’s important is that it actually takes them a few hours to realize that the amount of sex drive they are feeling is not normal which they will get made fun of about for approximately EVER. Bucky goes down on her for a few hours. Kate cries. Bucky gets dragged around by his hair. They have a great time.

Dark!fic:

ooof the one where Kate’s the Winter Soldier’s handler: she has a vague moral compass, one that Hydra sort of tricked her out of. She’s one of the few people the Winter Soldier hasn’t tried to kill. When she finds out she’s been working for Hydra, she turns the Winter Soldier on them. For that, he doesn’t kill her. And then they hunt down Hydra agents and bases and leave bloody smoking wrecks behind them. And lots of brutal bloody sex.

Secret Kinks: 

Kate is super sex positive, right, she worked hard to get that way, so she and Bucky sit down and have a very Frank and Open discussion about kinks and hard limits. Bucky isn’t used to being asked about what he wants, even less used to getting it. He’s into pinning Kate down but they have to work up to that one on Kate’s end. Bucky’s super into choking--getting choked and doing the choking--cockwarming, anything service-y, edging, exhibitionism, getting dommed by Kate, getting pegged, getting his hair pulled, giving oral, i mean the only thing he’s not really into is being the one doing the hurting? He’s done enough of that in his life. That being said he DOES like making Kate cry due to overstimulation. Kate is into voyeurism and honestly they’re both into knifeplay...they are very kinky tbh. kate has a bit of a Thing for the metal arm

Their first kiss: 

If you’d asked one of them, they’d have guessed it would be postbattle, desperate, you know, like “oh god you’re still alive”. It’s not. It’s soft. Metal finger tipping Kate’s chin up, Bucky’s hair brushing her cheeks as it falls out of his messy ponytail, in a park, sun warming them both. bucky had been laughing and kate just couldn’t imagine not kissing him for a moment longer, so she stepped into his space and his hand hand landed warm on her waist and then it just...happened

Meeting the parents:

it’s not so much “meet” as “kate gets kidnapped and bucky breaks into derek’s penthouse and threatens to kill him if he doesn’t tell bucky where kate is being kept”

Moving in together:

they pick out a place together. Bucky has a LOT of military backpay so price isn’t an issue. it’s probably a brownstone and they go furniture shopping and Bucky gets mad at particle board....he probably builds some furniture, picks pieces up at flea markets. Kate puts her foot down about the sofa, though. they’re running on 2 days of no sleep when they have a screaming fight about which side of the kitchen the glasses go on. they wind up in each other’s faces and suddenly can’t remember why they’re mad and wind up christening their apartment with angry sex that segues into not angry sex and then they pass out on the floor of their new kitchen. when they wake up decide to put the glasses in an under the counter cupboard, just to fuck with their friends. 

A crossover of my choice:

SENSE8! Bucky and Kate aren’t in the same cluster but they’re both sense8s and yes i have a partially written fic about this, i’m sorryyy. bucky gets to head of Hawkeye Idiocy by visiting her and just going KATE NO

An au of my choice:

STAR WARS AU!!! Bucky is a brainwashed stormtrooper and Kate is the resistance pilot who gets kidnapped and then escapes with him

send me ships!!!

[itsclydebitches]

[1] Hi! I hope you don't mind, but can I ask a sorta uncomfortable question? I wanna ship cloqwork because I like their character dynamic, but at the same time I get uncomfortable because when Qrow enrolled at Beacon (at "the right age," as specified by Raven) he would've been 17 - legally not an adult. Ozpin would've had a disproportionate amount of power over him, both as a legal adult and as his teacher.

Hi, Anon!

I apologize in advance that this response is probably going to be all over the place. I’ve got a lot of thoughts about this and very little ability right now to put them into a cohesive order. So we’re just chucking it all out lol.

First, there’s absolutely no need to apologize for being on anon. That’s what it’s there for! I think tumblr has developed a view of the anonymous option that, on the whole, isn’t particularly useful. In our efforts to call out those who are sending flames/hate under the comfort of anonymity (which you obviously are not), there’s no need for anyone to “prove” themselves by going off of it. You’re using anon because you (justifiably) fear how the fandom might react to these questions. I often use anon because I abandoned my “main” account years ago and dislike sending messages from it. There’s a huge range of reasons why someone might want to be on anon and ultimately it doesn’t matter why we use the tool that’s been provided to us. It’s there, so never feel bad about going anon for any reason :)

Onto the ozqrow! Or yes, onto the cloqwork. I learned “ozqrow” first so it’s pretty embedded in my head, but I agree that “cloqwork” is the more sophisticated of the two ;) Anyway, yes. There are potentially ways that we can view the relationship as unhealthy… with the key word there being potentially. AKA, as headcanons. No, Qrow wouldn’t have been an adult when he entered Beacon, but who’s to say a relationship began then? Some fans might like to imagine that despite the real world issues attached. Others—like you and me—would not. The important thing is that we both have the space to achieve whatever interpretation of the relationship we please. Far as I can tell, Qrow is 37 at the youngest. Four years at Beacon (17-20), 15 years after Summer’s death (35), and then roughly 2 years of in-canon present time (37). Realistically, he’s probably older than that. Based on the relationship dynamics it seems that Tai didn’t date Summer until he broke up with Raven and given Yang’s age compared to Ruby’s, that adds two years. So Qrow is probably around 39. Even that’s assuming that Raven had Yang right after Beacon. If she didn’t we could push the timeline another year or two, putting Qrow in his early 40’s. I lay all this out to demonstrate that… that’s a lot of time. How old “should” Qrow be before he enters a relationship with someone? Obviously that answer differs from individual to individual, but let’s say for the sake of argument that he should be at least 25. That puts him 5 years out of Beacon, potentially older than when Raven had Yang, and roughly 6 years older than most of our main ships right now (Blake/Yang, Jaune/Pyrrha, Ren/Nora etc.) where fans argue very strongly that at 19 they’re already adults and are able to make informed decisions, be it about relationships or world-shattering secrets. So we’re already holding Qrow to stricter standards than other characters and that still leaves roughly 15 years for him and Ozpin to start something, all of which is time that takes place outside of the Teacher/Student dynamic. It’s a choice to prioritize “But he was his headmaster for 4 years” over “But they were equals for 2 decades.”

Now granted, there’s more to this relationship than just Qrow’s own age. I’ve also seen people bring up the age gap and, more recently, Ozpin’s “manipulation” of Qrow. In regards to the former, we simply have to acknowledge that Ozpin is screwed in that regard. Everyone is younger than him. Almost the entire cast. At some point nearly everyone we meet will have, at some point, been a child while Ozpin is an adult simply by virtue of Ozpin being a reincarnating wizard who has already lived at least a thousand years. The only exceptions to this are Salem, the Gods, or Jinn, all of which are more “problematic” partners to my mind. Which again, isn’t to say no one can ship them together, just that it seems ridiculous to me that—if we’re really going to “justify” an in-canon relationship—we’d prioritize “Salem and Ozpin are the same age that’s so much healthier!” over “Salem abused Ozpin, killed their kids, and has hunted him for years on end. That’s... kind of not great!” It’s a matter of what parts of each relationship we choose to emphasize. And ozqrow is far from the only ship to grapple with this. In the witcher fandom I adore both Geralt/Jaskier and Geralt/Regis. Both of those ships have “issues” in regards to age. Is Jaskier not allowed to be with Geralt because he’s in his 30s and Geralt is in his 80s? Is Geralt not allowed to be with Regis because he’s in his 80s and Regis is in his 400s? When we talk about fantasy series we’re talking about species/races/abilities that are, obviously, fantastic. They don’t exist. Which means that real world concerns can’t perfectly map onto these scenarios. The question is not “Is a 1,000 year age gap problematic?” but rather “Are these both consenting adults who are in a position to make their own informed, romantic decisions?” To which we answer for ozqrow: yes. Unless we specifically imagine that the relationship began when Qrow was just a student but again, that’s purely headcanon. Emphasizing that non-canonical imagining of how a relationship might have started over the canonical years of working together as equal peers makes no more sense than going, “Yeah but there was a time when Regis was an adult and Geralt was just a kid, so if they’d met then it would have been super unhealthy so you shouldn’t ship them :/” They didn’t meet when Geralt was a kid. In the same way, Ozpin and Qrow didn’t start a relationship when Qrow was a kid for the simple reason that they have no canonical romance at all. That puts the power entirely in the viewers’ hands to imagine when/how such a relationship occurs. 

Which leaves us with second issue mentioned: power dynamics and Ozpin’s “manipulation.” Take everything said above and apply it to this point too. That power dynamic only exists if we imagine a relationship while they’re headmaster and student. Which you can! Plenty of people want to write/read about such “problematic” stuff. That’s partly what fandom is for. But again, if that’s not your cup of tea there’s no reason to prioritize those 4 years over the 20 years we get later. I have heard some people say that the relationship is indefinitely imbalanced because of Ozpin’s age/power/leadership/whatever but… that simply makes no sense to me. Or rather, it seems hypocritical. Does that mean it’s “problematic” for Weiss to be with Ruby? After all, Ruby is the leader of their team and calls all the shots. What if Weiss feels like she can’t say no to her?? It’s terribly unhealthy. Does that mean Weiss can’t be with Blake? She was racist, after all, and comes from such a place of privilege. I’m not sure Blake is educated enough to hold her own with Weiss. Does this mean Blake can’t be with Yang? Blake comes from a very rich and powerful family whereas Yang is just a country girl… what if Blake uses that power against her somehow? Does that mean that Nora can’t be with Ruby? Or again, Weiss with Ruby? I mean, Nora is homeless and Weiss has been cut off from the Schnee line, so they might stay in a relationship purely out of fear of being abandoned--super unhealthy. These are all revised versions of things I’ve heard applied to ozqrow: Qrow shouldn’t be with Ozpin because Ozpin is his leader (Ruby/Weiss), because Qrow grew up in an “uneducated” tribe whereas Ozpin is clearly so sophisticated (Blake/Weiss), because Ozpin has power and connections that Qrow could never match (Blake/Yang), because Ozpin is tied to the life Qrow has built and breaking up supposedly threatens that. Which means he can’t ever break up. Which means Qrow is trapped. Which means it’s unhealthy (Nora/Ruby or Ruby/Weiss). They’re all warped, assumption based arguments that are only taken seriously when they’re applied to a ship that people are already inclined to dislike. The takeaway is that every relationship has power dynamics and every relationship has the potential to be “problematic.” Literally everyone. Give me any two people and I can spin some yarn about how one holds too much power over the other for the relationship to be healthy. Which isn’t to say that real power dynamics don’t exist that should be avoided (like a teacher/student relationship as you point out), only that fans are inclined to extend that past the point of logic in an effort demonize ships they don’t like. Someone having trauma in their past (which, again, is everyone at this point in the series) is not the same “power dynamic” as an adult grooming a child (which, again again, Ozpin didn’t do). So when we’re left with the acknowledgement that any relationship has the potential to be unhealthy, we have to ask… is it? And the answer is no. As you say, “We all know that canonically Ozpin ISN’T that kind of person.” That’s what trumps every headcanon and negative assumption. I could headcanon/assume that a Weiss/Blake relationship would be horrific because Weiss would be a racist ass to Blake and Blake would only stay with her because she’s determined not to “run away” from something again… but we don’t see evidence for that on screen and it literally never happens. In the same way, some fans like to headcannon/assume that a Qrow/Ozpin relationship would be horrific because Ozpin would use his power over Qrow in various ways… but we don’t see evidence for that on screen and it literally doesn’t happen. 

If anything, post-Volume 6 I’d say there’s more of a potential problem with Qrow being with Ozpin. Meaning yes, as you point out Qrow has a lot of stuff in his past that makes him potentially vulnerable—toxic family environment, drinking problem, etc.—but we learn irrevocably in Volume 6 that so does Ozpin. He was manipulated by the Gods into accepting this “impossible” task. He was in an abusive relationship with Salem and, quite literally, didn’t survive it. He’s lived a thousand years of unimaginable trauma. He arguably was also an alcoholic at one point given the drinking we saw in Jinn’s flashback. He’s been betrayed time and time again by his allies… of which Qrow is a part. Arguably Ozpin has even more vulnerabilities than Qrow but both characters are in a position to hurt one another with those vulnerabilities: Ozpin could play on Qrow’s desire for family and Qrow could play on Ozpin’s need for support. That “could” is, again, important because it’s mostly headcanon speculation that chooses to see the relationship as inevitably negative… with the exception that canonically Qrow is the only one who we see using these vulnerabilities against Ozpin. The fandom likes to assume that Ozpin “manipulated” Qrow all these years but we simply never see that happening. In true RWBY fashion, RT gave Qrow a very damning sounding line—I gave up my life for you—and then let the fandom assume really negative connotations. In reality though what that line translated to was, “You trusted me despite the fact that I entered your school to learn how to kill you and your allies, then taught me how to be a better person and gave me a purpose in life: to help others, even if I’ve now learned I can’t fix it all in one lifetime.” Like yeah, what kind of horrible “manipulation”?? Ozpin’s supposed power over Qrow has only helped and benefited Qrow, despite how Volume 6 tried to paint that relationship as suddenly negative. What is said doesn’t align with what we’ve seen. In contrast, we do see Qrow using Ozpin’s vulnerabilities against him. He does betray him. He does punch him into a tree. He does help perpetuate those same lies to Ironwood. He does absolve Ruby without offering the same to Ozpin. He does then plant the seed—with absolutely no evidence—that he had a hand in Summer’s death. To be frank, Qrow has treated Ozpin like shit lately and it’s one of the (many) reasons why I hate Volume 6 and 7. Ozpin is coded as the perpetrator, but we never see him taking advantage of Qrow. Meanwhile, Qrow is coded as the victim, but we do see him taking advantage of Ozpin’s vulnerability. One character has helped the other flourish, the other has abandoned him in his greatest time of need. Right now I’d argue that the in-canon ship potential is “problematic” due to Qrow… but that doesn’t mean any of that has to impact fandom shipping. For me personally, I prefer to keep to Volume 1-5 material or AUs up until Qrow (hopefully) apologizes for his actions. Then I might feel inclined to write canon-based ozqrow content for Volume 8, or whenever we re-establish that respect (with AU elements involving giving Ozpin his own body. The Oscar situation is a whole other thing I’m not going to delve into here. Suffice to say, I’m considering Qrow and Ozpin as separate people right now). But even if they never make up, even if Qrow, or Ozpin, or both of them end up being completely toxic for one another, that doesn’t stop anyone from imagining something better for them in fandom. Fandom is transformative for a reason.

All of which isn’t to say that people have to like the ship (obviously) only that in the same vein it means that no one has to justify liking the ship either. Again, for me personally, I usually need some in-canon, healthy dynamic to work with in order to enjoy a ship. It’s why I love ozqrow because we did see that for 5 volumes and may indeed see it again. In contrast, it’s why I don’t love pairings like Yen/Geralt or Bakugo/Izuku because I don’t feel like I have a healthy foundation to work from and, for me, a healthy foundation is usually necessary (with some exceptions like my childhood love of Erik/Christine). But all those are preferences. They don’t—and shouldn’t—dictate anyone else’s enjoyment. Which is the problem when people don’t just assume that ozqrow is inherently unhealthy (which I hope I’ve somewhat helped to disprove here) but likewise assume that that’s necessary for anyone else to ship them. For you that potential coding of teacher/student and power dynamics might outweigh otherwise liking their dynamic and that’s fine! That’s a preference! But a preference doesn’t give anyone the right to throw shade at others for enjoying something different. 

Which finally brings me back to the hypocrisy in all this. Ozqrow (and Blake/Yang) are the only ships I’ve come across in this fandom where the fans have to continually “prove” why their ships are valid. Not as potentially canonical relationships, but just as fandom-based ships. Just as fictional preferences we enjoy as a hobby. It says something about the fandom’s bias that we can watch Ilia, on screen, be one of the bad guys, kidnap Blake, try to murder her parents, try to ship her off to her abuser… and despite all this the fandom went, “Oh yeah. I could see them together.” But Ozpin and Qrow, who have supported one another for the vast majority of the series, suddenly need to provide receipts for how healthy their relationship is and if you don’t do a good enough job proving that, it’s cancelled. That’s messed up. None of these ships are “bad.” Ilia/Blake shippers should go wild with that potential! It’s just an issue of comparison and applying different, rigged standards to certain ships. This is a fandom where people ship the heroes with the likes of Cinder, Roman, Raven, Ilia, Salem, Tyrian… tons of killers and would-be killers, characters who have done objectively horrifying things. But it’s when two loving adult men might get together that it’s suddenly too “problematic”? That says more about that bias than it does the ship. For you, anon, if I’ve failed to alleviate those concerns and that coding means ozqrow isn’t really your thing? Great! You can drop the ship, involve yourself only in AUs, or anything in between. That’s how fandom should work. The problem lies not in asking polite questions about how we might interpret a relationship in canon (which as said in the original reblog I greatly enjoy doing!) but rather in some fans’ tendency to demand a moral standard from a ship that none other is held to and then when fans inevitably fail to meet that standard, they’re criticized for daring to like the ship in the first place. Ultimately whether you end up shipping/liking ozqrow is up to you—which is precisely where the power should be. In your hands, not the hands of someone on tumblr trying to make others feel guilty. 

[lieutenantcharleslorem]

It is finished! This is a commission for @datalaur​! It was fun to go outside my comfort zone, since I do not actively ship Data/Geordi, but I hope I did it justice. 

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Star Trek: The Next Generation Rating: General Audiences Relationships: Data/Geordi La Forge Summary: The Enterprise is transporting some dignitaries, and one of them has the hots for Data. This inspires Geordi to say something he probably should've said a long time ago.

The Junior Minister was a plump woman. Certainly wide in appearance especially when standing next to Counselor Troi, but not unattractively so. Her short navy hair emphasized strength while drawing attention to her soft features and light eyes. And those eyes were so thoroughly and obviously fixed on Data, Geordi thought he could have seen it without his visor.

Having feelings for a dear friend was a strange thing, because part of Geordi wanted to tell Data to go for it; he deserved an alien fling once in a while just as much as anyone else on the crew. But of course, part of him wanted to tell the Junior Minister to take a hike.

“They’ll, uh… They’ll catch you staring, Sir. At least, someone always does me…” said Barclay, sitting down next to Geordi at the bar. He practically winced as he sat, not really knowing if he was welcome.

“No one ever accuses a blind man of staring, Reg.”

“But you are. St-staring, I mean… Aren’t you?”

“I’m having a drink, and looking in the general direction of our guests.”

“Yeah, he’s been staring at them for 20 minutes,” interjected Guinan. “But how you doing, Reg? You want some fruit punch?”

“I-Well, er, yes please.”

Geordi smiled, thinking for a moment that Guinan could make just about anyone feel at home, but his eyes never left Data and the Junior Minister.

While the Junior Minister sat with the officers in the middle of the room, fully immersing herself, the High Minister, a tall man whose dark blue hair was greying on the sides, stood at the end of Ten Forward having a muted conversation with the Captain and Commander Riker. * Ten Forward was fuller than Geordi had ever seen it. The Ministers had 6 other dignitaries with them, 2 lawyers, and 17 trackers which as far as the crew could tell meant some sort of assistant, and all 27 people were mingling jovially with Starfleet officers. Their people had been in the process of joining the Federation for 7 years and according to some gossip from one of the trackers, it was still a few years off.

“Though we’re a warp capable species with a one world government, it’s obvious the Federation disapproves of our bartering system,” one of the trackers had mentioned to Ensign Velor that morning. The ensign was meant to be leading each of them to their quarters; Geordi just happened to overhear the chatting.

The Enterprise was transporting them to some sort of negotiation and cultural exchange. No one really knew the details.

“Care to join us?” asked the Junior Minister, looking straight at Geordi. Her voice carried over the crowd with ease, without her yelling or disrupting the other sounds of the bar. It was a little unsettling, in fact.

“I told you,” Barclay whispered.

“Mmm, forgive me if I’m resistant to trust your assessment of social situations,” said Geordi lowly, while shooting the Junior Minister an apologetic smile. Barclay sank a little further inside himself. Geordi took a swig of his drink, left it on the bar, and stood to approach the group.

Halfway there, he said, “Come on, Reg.”

Barclay stood suddenly, smoothing his uniform. He started to follow but Guinan whispered, “Reggie, take your drink with you,” and pushed his glass toward him. He raised an eyebrow and she added, “Something to do with your hands.” He nodded and took his drink with him.

“Geordi La Forge is the Chief Engineer, of the Enterprise,” Data introduced him, adding, “He’s also my best friend.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. La Forge.”

“Right, I just wanted to apologize. I didn’t mean to leer. I was just, thinking about something. It’s an honor, Junior Minister.”

“Oh please, like I told your friend, call me Tuviece. And who is this?” asked the Junior Minister looking squarely at Reg. He tried and failed to look her in the eye.

“Is there something wrong with my face?” she asked. Counselor Troi opened her mouth to cut in, but Data beat her too it.

“Lieutenant Barclay interacts somewhat differently than other humans. He means no disrespect, just as I would not were I to do something considered socially unacceptable by your people.”

Tuviece smiled, eying Data. “You care very much your crewmates, hm?”

“I… They are my family,” said Data, not wishing to bog Tuviece down with a more technical explanation of how an android forms attachments.

Geordi and the Junior Minister melted. Deanna would have too, normally the first to call Data cute, but she had to take a subtle step back from the group instead, overwhelmed by Tuviece and Geordi’s internalized reactions. She blinked and fanned herself with her hand. She made eye contact momentarily with Barclay, and his eyes widened as he tried to figure out what the look on her face meant.

“That must be magical to be so close with your coworkers.”

“Magical?” asked Data, “I do not understand.”

“She just means good, Data,” said Geordi, “Very good.”

“Yes, it is a common expression in my language. When something feels so special it is as if it was caused by an impossible magical force.”

“O-ours too. Our language I mean,” said Barclay.

“Ah, so you can speak!” replied Tuviece.

“Do you have many relationships you would consider magical?” asked Data.

“Mm, no I suppose not… But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like one.”

The Junior Minister was a very passionate woman, and with her feelings, Geordi’s responses, and Barclay’s embarrassment, Deanna could only handle being in the conversation so long.

“I hate to run, but I think I’ll go check on the captain if you don’t mind,” said Troi.

“Oh, of course, dear,” she grabbed Deanna’s hand suddenly. “If I don’t see you again this evening, have a pleasant night. It was a pleasure to meet you.”

“Of course, a pleasure,” the counselor replied, moving away.

“Now, boys!” continued the Junior Minister, “Tell me what made each of you decide you wanted to serve on a starship?”

The night wound down gradually. The High Minister had already gone to bed, as had Reg, both admitting they needed some time alone. No one knew when the captain had disappeared, only that he was probably the first. The Junior Minister was afraid she wouldn’t be able to remember where her quarters were, so Data had offered to guide her.

“Such a gentleman,” she had called him.

Riker, Troi, La Forge, and Worf meandered slowly down the hall, heading for their own beds.

“Geordi, I’m sensing some discomfort,” said Troi.

“Hm? Oh, you know… big parties.”

“Oh, come on, you’re the life of the party,” said Riker with a smirk.

“I understand the feeling,” said Worf. “I too find parties exhausting.”

“Don’t Klingons have rather wild parties?” asked Riker.

“Our celebrations can be a bit much for humans, but the requirements of the socializing are different. Less pretense.”

“Sure,” said Troi, trying not to sound sarcastic.

“Though I will admit, even Klingon social events are sometimes tiring and disconcerting for me.”

“Well, everyone needs their space,” said Troi, “but that wasn’t the type of discomfort Geordi was feeling, was it Geordi?”

They stopped as they reached Geordi’s quarters. They formed a casual circle, Geordi’s back to his door. “… I didn’t ask for a group therapy session,” he said.

“If you need to share your feelings, Commander, we will listen without judgment,” said Worf.

The three of them turned their heads to look at Worf.

“What?” he asked. “Why do you stare?”

No one answered, and Worf huffed.

Troi cleared her throat, “I’m only worried that you’re sabotaging yourself again, Geordi.”

“Again?” La Forge replied incredulously. When he looked at the others, he realized they agreed with that assessment, and was suddenly quite self-conscious. “What is it exactly you think I’m doing on purpose?”

“Not on purpose,” said Riker, “But subconscious. Because of… well, hmm…”

“Out of fear,” finished Troi. “But there’s nothing to be afraid of—”

“Deanna—” interrupted Geordi, but Troi didn’t stop.

“I don’t think honesty will hurt you in this situation.”

“Yes,” Worf cut in, “do not dishonor yourself with lies.”

Geordi raised an eyebrow at Worf, wondering why he cared about this.

“It’s not fear… It’s… I just don’t know if it’s fair to put that kind of pressure on him.”

“I don’t know, I think our android friend is pretty good at taking things in stride,” said Riker with a smirk.

“I just don’t know if he is in a position to be made to make those kinds of decisions.”

 “Well what if something happened with the Junior Minister?” asked Troi.

“That’s different… She’ll be gone soon enough. There’s no long-term decision to be made.”

“Listen, I know Data is a little awkward when it comes to dating but—”

“Is that what we’re talking about?” asked Worf. “Commander La Forge having a romantic interest in Data?”

“Oh Worf…” said Deanna. Riker started laughing. La Forge delicately lifted his visor from his face so that he could rub the bridge of his nose.

Replacing it, he said, “It’s like a teenager. They think they know what they want. And when it comes down to it, you can’t stop them from having their own experiences, but… but you can’t expect…”

Geordi drifted off and there was a pause as they all let his point sink in.

“La Forge, if I may?” asked Worf.

“What is it, Worf?” asked Geordi, trying not to sound exasperated.

“Now that I understand the premise of this conversation, am I to infer that you are insinuating Commander Data should be deemed incapable of giving consent?”

“I… well not in so many words—”

“Because from what I know of Data, though he wishes to be a part of humanity, he also values his autonomy, and I believe he would be offended by a denial of his right to make his own choices.”

Worf’s surprisingly aware statement rattled around in Geordi’s head the rest of the evening. He was right. It was up to Data to make his own choices. That didn’t mean Geordi would automatically get whatever he wanted, but not everything was about him.

Data helped him with some maintenance in engineering for most of the next day. Reg was in and out providing assistance. The Junior Minister came around to observe. Normally La Forge didn’t appreciate outsiders sticking their nose in his warp core, but the maintenance wasn’t urgent, and Tuviece asked questions with a friendly curiosity that showed she didn’t mean to get in the way. Plus since Data didn’t mentally tire, or struggle with how to answer a technical question, he was happy to entertain all of her inquiries. Sometimes Reg would translate to layman’s terms when he got the courage.

Around midday Tuviece asked if they ever took breaks.

“Ha! Sometimes. But oh so rarely,” Geordi had joked from his place on the floor.

“ I was so hoping to have a spot of lunch with you…” She said it like she meant all three of them, but she looked at Data out of the corner of her eye. Geordi figured he shouldn’t third-wheel, so he made up some excuse about not leaving this panel open.

Data immediately began explaining that he neither requires breaks or food, and Geordi could almost hear the disappointment on her breath.

“Well then… What about you, Reginald? Care to join me?”

“Me?” he asked.

“Of course. I promise you don’t have to look me in the eye if you don’t want to.”

Reg let out a half laugh, and led her back to Ten Forward.

“Data, you eat sometimes,” La Forge said once they were gone.

“Yes, but I do not need to.”

“…Buddy, are you blowing off Tuviece on purpose?”

“Blowing her off? You mean to avoid? No. Should I have gone to lunch with her?”

“Only if you wanted to.”

“I… I have no specific desire. No desire to stay or to go.”

“Oh.”

Geordi knew he should talk to him, but he also knew he wouldn’t be able to focus on work afterward.

Reg and Tuviece returned after about an hour. It wasn’t their fault, but by the end of the day Geordi was sick of them both. Or maybe it was of Data being oblivious.

When Tuviece asked if someone might walk her back to her quarters, Data volunteered Reg for the job. Geordi raised his brows and mouthed why at him but Data only looked confused in return.

After Reg and Tuviece had disappeared, Data and Geordi chatted idly as they made their way toward Data’s quarters.

“Data, what’s the matter? You don’t like the Junior Minister?”

“I like her very much. She is fascinating.”

“Then why’d you send Reg to walk her back to her quarters?”

“His quarters are closer to hers.”

“Sure, I guess that’s logical.”

“Have I turned down another invitation, Geordi?”

“Well… Yeah, actually.”

“But why would she prefer me to walk with her?”

“Data…” whispered Geordi as they came up to the door to Data’s quarters. He turned and leaned against the bulkhead, crossing his arms and pulling up a leg to press his foot into the metal behind him.

Data came close, anticipating Geordi continuing to speak quietly.

“She likes you, Data.”

“And I like her too, but—”

“No, she’s interested in you. Romantically.”

“Oh.”

“And if you don’t want to engage with her in that way, that’s obviously up to you. But I just thought you should know so that you have the choice.”

“Oh,” Data repeated.

“I mean, because I have feelings for you too,” Geordi blurted out before he could lose his nerve. “And you don’t have to acknowledge that either. But I just wanted you to know all your options, because if you don’t know—”

“Do you believe I have offended the Junior Minister?”

“Oh… I… maybe a little, but not detrimentally so.”

“So you do not think that I should interact with her on a romantic level in order to maintain diplomacy?”

“Oh, no, Data she’s not going to be angry if you don’t like her. Only go for it if you want to. It’s about what you want.”

“I see no reason to. I’ve already attempted to have a relationship once and it failed.”

“You—Data, that was like three days.”

“It was nine.”

“Okay, but Data, that’s not how it works. Relationships aren’t pass or fail, and you’re supposed to keep trying until you find the right fit for you. I mean, that is, unless you don’t want to.”

“Would explaining this to me require lying about having these types of feelings for me?”

“Lying? I wasn’t lying.”

“Then why would you choose now to tell me?”

“When do you think the best time would have been?”

“Whenever it first became true, which I’m assuming wasn’t during this conversation.”

“Well… that’s easier said than done, Data.”

“Why, if you have these feelings, would you push me toward someone else?”

“I’m not pushing you. I just wanted you to know the opportunities. I just want you to be—” he almost said happy but stopped himself. “Satisfied,” he finished, “I want you to have what you want.”

“I like challenges, but most humans I have observed seem to enjoy relationships more when they are less challenging. A familiarity seems to help in anticipating and preventing challenges. I would also personally prefer a relationship that lasted a significant amount of time, as I haven’t experienced that yet. And since I don’t have a sex drive, there’s nothing pulling me toward the momentary interlude I would have with Junior Minister Tuviece.”

“I see.”

Geordi was so resistant to getting his hopes up that he almost looked sad, and Data put a hand on his shoulder with a look of concern.

“So, you are the obvious choice,” said Data.

“Excuse me?”

“You are the obvious choice for me to be in a relationship with.”

“But you can choose no one. You don’t have to be in a relationship.”

“I’m… unsure why you keep repeating the same point. But you have presented me with an opportunity and I am taking it. Unless you are taking back what you have said.”

“No! No, I’m not taking it back.”

“Excellent,” Data said moving forward and kissing Geordi with little grace.

“Data, Data,” mumbled Geordi, “You’re pressing on my visor.”

“I apologize.”

“Maybe we should go inside.”

“Your quarters are more comfortable,” said Data.

“You’re incapable of physical discomfort.”

“I would like you to be comfortable.”

“If you insist,” Geordi said pushing off the bulkhead and starting off for his own quarters.

“Geordi?” Data asked.

“Yes, Data?”

“There are several things that, due to my lack of time in relationships, I have yet to experience… that I would like to.”

“Let’s… let’s wait until we get into my quarters, and then… you can tell me all about them.”

 As this particular mission came to an end the captain, his chief engineer, his first officer, his second officer, and… Reg, walked with their multitude of guests to transporter room 1.

“It was a pleasure meeting you, High Minister Bieve,” said the Captain Picard.

“The feeling is mutual, Captain,” he replied as he joined several others on the transporter pad. One of the trackers blew Riker a kiss, and then the group was gone.

The Junior Minister was the last to leave, and as she turned back toward them on the transporter pad, she told them how much she’d enjoyed spending time with all of them.

Just before she disappeared, she said, “I’ll write to you, Reginald,” and winked.

Reg blushed.

“Barclay!” said Geordi once she was gone, “Did you—?”

“It’s none of your business,” he replied without missing a beat.

“Reg!” Geordi shouted, clapping him on the back.

Speaking for the first time, Riker said, “I guess everybody got laid this weekend.”

The Captain pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, but admittedly, he did it with a smile.