#and i might be bad at studying my vocab but these people are so dumb i at least know Japanese highschool only has three years

[noose-lion]

I can feel my heartbeat and I just wanna go home.

[inkykeiji]

how did u become such an amazing writer? this might sound dumb but every time i read your work i learn a bunch of new words lol

first of all, wow, thank you SO much for that compliment!!! i’m literally gushing over that one sentence alone hehehe thank you thank you <33 and that totally doesn’t sound dumb at all!!! i’m actually super happy to hear that!!! <3

beware: LONG post beneath the keep reading!!!

okay, so. bear with me for a moment while i ramble a little bit, okay? i want to preface this by linking you to a cute little post leah wrote on the concept of ‘talent’, just in case it’s something you need to hear!! i know sometimes people can get a little down on themselves + their skill and just go ‘oh well, i’m just not talented enough’ or ‘i wasn’t born with that talent’ and i want to discourage you from ever thinking like that. i agree 100% with leah; i believe ‘talent’ is simply a natural inclination someone might’ve been born with, but not that it means that someone who wasn’t born with that inclination can’t be just as good as the person with the ‘talent’; you absolutely can.

if you already knew that, then fantastic!!!! <333 i just wanted to mention it, just in case, you know???

okay!!! i think there are a few major factors that contribute to my current skill as a writer, and they’re the same three pieces of advice i give everyone who asks about how they can improve their craft:

practice

study/reading

consuming other art forms

- practice: i know this is probably a given, but it truly IS the best way to improve. (if you’ve been around on my blog for a while u might’ve already heard me say this a few times ehehe but) i always say creativity is a muscle—because it is. we all have it, and the more you ‘exercise’ it, the stronger it’ll become. skill is kind of the same way: the more you practice something, the better you’ll get at it, and the faster you’ll improve. HOWEVER!!!! i want to caution you against doing too much too fast. please, don’t overwhelm yourself!!! if you’re not used to writing often, work your way up to it at your own pace. there’s no rush or time limit here—you do what feels best for YOU at whatever pace is most comfortable. just like when you’re exercising a physical muscle, you can ‘strain’ your creative muscle by trying to do too much too quickly as well (creative burnout, basically).

for me, i write nearly every single day. sometimes it’s only a paragraph or two, sometimes its thousands of words, but the most important point here is that i am continuing to practice and sharpen my skills, you know? no practice is bad practice, i pinky promise you that. even if it feels like everything you’re writing is awful and you hate it all (and we ALL have these days, they are normal!!) you ARE still improving!!!

i want to make it clear here that i am NOT suggesting you write every single day if you aren’t already used to writing regularly. i’ve been writing since i was teeny tiny (seriously, at age 7 i used to walk around at recess talking to myself, literally telling myself a story out loud that i was making up on the spot........) and i’ve had plenty of time to practice and build up that stamina. i don’t know where you are in your writing journey, but if you aren’t used to writing regularly, work on building up to that first. again, don’t overwhelm yourself!!! it’s okay if it’s only a few sentences a few days a week—it’s something, and that’s what counts!

- study/reading: i read a LOT as a child, and i read a lot throughout university (and for university), and i try my best to find time to read now, a few hours a week. when you read, you are (on some level) studying the craft, among a whole slew of other things. you literally mentioned it yourself when you pointed out that you always learn some new vocab from reading my work!!! so please, read. anything and everything. do you have a favourite author or novel(s)? sit down and figure out why you like them. do you have any authors or books you just can’t stand? sit down and think about why you hate them, etc etc etc.

- consume other art forms: so i went to school for film, which meant i was watching five movies a week on average, not counting whatever i’d throw on at home while doing readings and all that. i genuinely think my education (studying films from all angles, from interdisciplinary perspectives, making films etc) helped me strengthen my skill as a writer even more. now, i’m not telling you to go get a film degree hehehe, all i’m saying is to consume other art forms in addition to reading: film, photography, painting, music, theatre, dance, etc etc etc. whatever you’d like/whatever interests you most. it’ll help you see things from different perspectives and, if i can be a little cheesy, it’s good for your soul <3

waaaaah sorry this post is SO LONG anon!!!! but those are the things that i think have helped me improve my skill the most, and continue to aid me!!! if anything’s unclear or you have any other questions please don’t hesitate to ask!! i hope this answers your question hehe <33

[thecrenellations]

Return of the Thief Notes, Part One: The Book of Pheris, Volume I

Notes from my first read, October 2020. (Part Two | Part Three | TaT)

Contents:  "So, so, so” watch, Costis watch, swearing, trashing the king’s attendants, being objectively wrong, boundless enthusiasm and love 

I promise I’ve had more developed thoughts since these often incoherent ones, but I’ve enjoyed having these notes to refer to - for sentimental reasons and for  entertainment, so here they are, for others who enjoy liveblogs and/or being whisked back in time to their first read of this wonderful book.

Format: Page number. My thoughts (Context?)

Dedication, Table of Contents, Exordium:

There it is – to Sounis

Exordium – vocab #1

Interregnum?!? Alyta?

Pheris!!!

Yeah I love him from the first page

MOIRA

MOCKING COMMENTS HELP! Gen lives!

A new level of unreliable narrator

Moira, messages of Gods, Pheris, messages of __

Wtf is going on in this study? A zoo?

high king vs great king vs annux?

okie dokie dude

Chapter 1

1. Susa – Costis

2. Infirmity – who gets to be hero/tell story (I started reading right after the book launch, in which mwt spent some time talking about her writing influences and decisions connect to this question - Pheris isn’t her first disabled protagonist and storyteller, of course, but it was lovely to meet him properly directly after hearing her talk about it. Book launch foreshadowing part 1...)

Melisande?

Is this why he wasn’t taught to read?

3. Always the summer

Bees!

4. Hunting cat… hm…

Ok … shrine … 😬

5. Once again we start with a disaster or having to flee

Which Eugenides precipitated

Bite!

Little monster :(

6. Falling…

:(

7. :( :( :(

His purpose? D:

8. YIKES

Chapter 2

9. Hello there! (Gen!)

Massive chair?

10. CRACKED WATER JUG (amphora motif???)

11. Triangle from seal!

Gen that’s rude to Pheris :( (“He will fit in very well with my attendants”)

Wait. This must have happened before ACoK! (nope)

12. :(

Xikander … never made an impression before

How old is Pheris? (lol)

13. Philologos come thru!

Royal closet reappears!

14. Hello weird secondhand scene!

He is Eugenides

Marina…

15. Petrus? GALEN? OH SHIT! 

Is this why Galen was called? (nope)

16. Hell yea Petrus

Miras’ golden balls oh no

All these previously unnamed sucky attendants!

17. Ula – goddess of hearth and healing

Ok … Galen … or a god? Eugenides????? (why did these options occur to me before Mr. Shows Up At Your Bedside At Night himself)

18. Finally the attendant floor plans I crave + hunting scenes!

19. EXCUSE ME he slept through Sounis + Eddis wedding!!!

Again – high king!

20. So Ion is beautiful … hmm.

Yeah … Sejanus has facets. I like it.

21. Clearly no one would know what king would do … lol

Don’t mind me just sorting the attendants on a spectrum of awfulness!!!

22. SO SO SO – ION!!!!!

How many fucking attendants are there and how many are on my hit list!

Is “the necessaries” bathrooms or like … him stealing? (just the bathrooms ... the Gen-Pheris parallels were really getting to me at this point)

:(

23. OH MY GOD THE UNIFIED CREST

Also … frogs. Frogs.

24. Big day for Gen huh

Definitely an aura of Something as he writes about Gen

25. HELLO EVERYONE

26. Sorry Kamet, Pheris does the physical descriptions better. They’re beautiful

I’m blacking out at Eddis and Sounis

27. Jesus Christ. The bear.

Cousin time!

Under the table is the new up on the roof!

Uh… twin imagery ….

Gen’s feet!

Jesus. The matching

28. Cleon … wtf? A cousin?

A trial for Sophos?

Show! Us! Sophos’s! Shoes!

29. If u throw things out the air shaft you might hit the king

Was it a chicken?

Lol nvm the guy at night is Gen. That is … very sweet

- Showing up at night

- Accent

- Complaining about Petrus

- Swearing

- One hand

I am judging Costis and Sophos for not describing the paneling in Gen’s room!

Chapter 3

30. Was it a chicken?

An earring huh, good hand huh

31. Literally screaming “NO!” at Gen. Don’t joke about dying! I am killed by Gen on annux day. This is. My boy. Yes he is perfect. Yes he will refuse to get up. I love him. I died on page 31

Philologos is still the best of them

32. Dancing bear indeed

Always the powdered gold

Ruby!!!!! <3

Aww a smile!!! <3

Pheris he likes you!

33. They both love invisibility and lost it … I cry

Erupt like the sacred mountain excuse me!

OR WORSE return to bed! Lol

34. He’s Eugenides when he’s talking to Attolia

Ouch hero talk

! from Irene!

My queen!

Hey Phresine!

They way we do <3 he’s hating it but he’s so comfortable with her

Sister and bro mention! C’mon!

I love them

EYEBROW

35. Honestly that’s a yes (“I have no idea what you mean, my queen”)

It’s so cute they hang out in the morning … like how long was it even since they’ve seen each other lol

:( tough walk for Pheris

Is it prophecy time?

Lol how long does this construction take?!

Also … she’s pregnant, huh? but no one knows (nope)

Is befriending someone weaponized as a prank count for Gen’s enemies to friends list?

Also SHOW ME the magus. I know he’s here!

36. Pheris excuse me, why not recreate this!

Lol cast off language of history indeed

Feel the thrum of the goddess!

EXCUSE ME… a minor goddess? Mystery goddess? Or Philia?

Oh Gen

37. Well, Gen, someone is having a worse day than you.

Damn, how far we come.

Aww Sounis, babe, I love you and so does Gen

[drawing of the four of them sitting in a row]

38. Artadorus???? Pomegranate?

39. HEIRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A friend! Also lol. Two smiles, for Pheris and Heiro..

40. Yesss Melheret joke in action.

Costis has left tho right?

Jesus, Melheret

SHE GAVE HIM A HORSE (I COULD NOT DEAL with this entire conversation, but then again I could not deal with this whole book.)

41. I love them all so much

“on that horse, you will look like a king” I can’t with her sense of humor

He sure did say that

I feel like I’m missing something with the fight on foot thing … remembering battles?

Helen called him Gen!

Sophos stop talking about yourself and bringing apricots into everything lol

Lol these bystanders don’t know how lucky they are. Nor does Pheris, yet

42. She’s protecting him

Also … Gen … you didn’t want to be a soldier.

43. Guards have capes

2 startled men … hm …

Oh Gen. The fucking brutal echoes…

44. :( :( :(

Gen tell your wife you’re sick!

The attendants are so dumb

45. So, so, so :(

Tell who? Petrus?

Wink!

Yes?

46. Bleeding! Salt! Lemon! Heck no! What is he, a piece of meat?

Oranges?

47. “savoring each bite as if it were my last” ... Same … but with this book

Hmm… Alyta! Goddess of the gentle rain! (despite this “hmm,” I did not put the pieces together)

48. Oh no Teleus! And someone?

Aw he realized <3 lemon water

49. Gen eat your broth lol

50. I love them.

Ion’s really trying to make up for what he did that one time

51. Without the approval of the great goddess HAHAHA

I love them. Cousin time! Growl?

Idk whether or not to be reassured, Gen.

Wow Cleon I do not like that. Also didn’t he die? (...)

Comma (“I am not, Eddis”)

Go smack him!

52. Gen I love you.

Helen I love you.

He’s so bad at self care but I love him

Chapter 4

55. love that our narrator just disappears and reappears

56. Attolia’s brother’s bedroom? Yikes. Ominous. A detail in a story we’ve already gotten, different every time <3

57. fucking attendants. 3 good ones. Medander you were beneath Costis’s notice before but I hate you. Costis didn’t have time for you or Xikos or Xikander and nor do I

58. interesting pawn talk!!!

59. <3 Pheris :(

The Gen comparisons though

:( :( :( :(

60. flamboyance <3

Cemphora bush

Bees

61. I love him

62. I love them

Also lol “Your majesty?”

63. Name … hm … (“I have deliberately omitted [my tutor’s] name here”)

64. more twin imagery I swear

WAIT … it was his birthday! Not just Annux day?!! Gen was born in late summer???

Attendant list thank you

65. laying it all out there, huh … (that one Gen quote)

Lol they’re the same but Pheris likes horses

66. Insellia! Hello nice to meet you

67. Gen that’s mean. (“He is hardly even half of one.”)

68. Coleus leves???

“I am Eugenides.” <3

Gen why

69. Gold cups???? Hmmmmm. Also lioness. Def invoking Costis. (they’re probably not the cups, but STILL)

Earth….

70. Moira! Hi!!! Rainbow shawl!

Like a rabbit!

Pester!

I’m … very sad he uses his Attolian accent with Helen

71. Aaah so good

Mortals

Moira knows another messenger?

Does he think he can’t die in battle?

72. hmm are they WRANGLING?! (Galen and Petrus and my Fire and Hemlock word association)

Kill that pastry Irene I love you

morning training with his … guard? (Is that the whole guard or a guard? Costis senses tingling once again.)

73. Oh gen.

Ouch! (“to send people to their deaths and not risk my own is contemptible”)

Is she implying he’s paying Therespides?

74. Interesting Cleon plan. So many doubles

OUCH. (“Only if he comes back from the dead.” I assumed Lader had died in the war; it’s a different ouch now. I love that they both accidentally say things to each other that poke old wounds, and it’s not a big deal but it’s also not dismissed! Their relationship has come so far, and I love them so much.)

75. Verimius – Lavia – Celia??? Somebody is queer in there!

A GUARD

This scene confuses me. Xortix? Layteres? Aris! but dice thing is less political … so maybe? (just wait....)

76. So many reasons to hate Medander

Hey Costis! You exist! KoA happened!

Gen is just … still so uncomfortable and miserable. He chose, he has people, but still.

RIP Clopius also WHAT

77. Lol Hilarion’s grand statements

78. Yorn Fordad Hello!

Luxurious mustache

The mighty Pents?

Besin Quedue – she’s coming 4 you watch out

79. RIP Baron Hippias

Chapter 5

80. Spring! Plays! Cenna!

81. Oh dear

Oh dear

At least they said he was pretty

83. ?!? :( wine

Uh oh. Stockpiling

85. What even.

AAAAAAAAAH COSTIS

86. Omg Irene. Hissing. I love her.

Also … Gen’s the viper

Also this scene was written by Pheris.

Damn.

87. oh no.

What better man

She fucking quoted Howl. I love them.

Also, bees (this scene killed me)

90. Falling?

Oh shit

Also … Juridius and Pheris, Susa and Costis (comparing demands for information)

93. oh my god (IT’S THE WINDOW SCENE)

Oh my god

Uh

94. She! Called! Him! Gen!

I love this and it scares me

Lol Chloe

Irene you learned from her though

95. D:

96. :(

97. water stuff

98. what the heck

OH NO (Quedue scene)

Hm

100. yikes

Omg

Wow.

102. yikes yikes YIKES

103. a blade has protruded from his chest (tbt to The Thief)

jesus

106. shit

Did Gen hit him?

108. lol Phresine

109. lol

I want genuinely every character’s reaction to this shit

Chapter 6

111. what the heck Gen.

112. like a god [crown doodle]

114. Perma?

116. Gen. Gen. Gen. Do not.

117. AAAA (god intervention)

122. Juridius to Dite

124. bye Iolanthe and Ileia! Tell us about Caeta and Silla.

125. did not expect so much Ion

Chapter 7

127. Fryst god of winter

She laughed!

They’re so married

128. OH SHIT (Costis ship is sighted and I remember what’s about to happen next)

Interesting timing

He rode the horse home?

131. Beauty and good, beauty and kind

134. The gods’ goodwill

Keep them safe <3

135. Is that his MOM?!! Wtf (it was!)

Pheris steal those earrings!!!

RING! SMASH BOX!

137. AMPHORA EARRINGS (and flowers)

138. I love Phresine

139. Why do I feel like all the game birds are pigeons

140. meanwhile Gen’s been hanging out with Kamet. Shit. I cannot.

WELCOME HOME BOYS!

HELL YEAH KAMET ATTEND THOSE MEETINGS!

RELIUS COME THRU

141. lethium soup! The reversal

Safe for you

142. of course he knew <3

143. Kamet time! I love him. We get to see Kamet!!!

Also … echo of Gen’s notes on Mede

145. very handsome. … gaycostis vindication (referring to @costis’s url at the time and this post. Little did I know what else was to come in the next chapter and then a few months later with the adaptation news...)

Do you know who I am?

Chapter 8

147. Of course he’s a cartographer

A favorite huh

148. of course she didn’t tell us his age!

149. the angsty window staring I crave

Music!

151. adventure, huh

I do have a soft spot for Melheret

152. concerned about amphora gift

153. Glad they can be well and united in spite!! (Gen and Melheret)

154. Pheris loves math and I love him

155. Hello Teleus. Hello olives

Lol Relius is not into math

156. pigeons. Inkpot!

157. yeah honestly. He tortures people. He was NOT tortured by the king

159. lol (“I have noted the elective nature of certain behaviors” ... I love Relius and Pheris.)

160. The Invitation! I <3 it

161. EXCUSE ME WHO

Legarus!

FOLKS HERE WE ARE (I cannot overstate how wonderful it was to read this page. I did not know who the poem was from, and “Someone loves me very much, even with all my faults” is even sweeter to reread, but it’s just ... his confidence is so different from the tentative consideration of a new philosophy of trust and love we see in KoA. And there is subtextual queerness in the books before this one, some more apparent and some more subtle (and what is obvious to one reader may be subtle or invisible to another, in these books especially), and there is the attendant love triangle a few chapters back, but HERE - here, Pheris acknowledges the real feeling and love in Legarus’s disastrous relationship and tells us directly that his lover was a man, here he seamlessly makes it clear how bi and poly Relius is, and he quietly ties these relationships and realities to his growing understanding of the world. It’s not subtext. And there’s a lot more to come, but this page really hit me, and sort of promised the “more to come” while assuring me that what had come before, more subtly, was there. I used to have heteronormative readings of both these books and myself, and when Thick as Thieves brought them crashing back into my heart after years away, I knew better about myself, and I saw that - or the possibility of that reading -  reflected in the new book, and it was such a good surprise. It meant a lot, and this page meant a lot, and that is why I’m writing a small essay to accompany this note.) 

Lol wow

162. Where are you traveling, man (this question remains)

163. Fuck you, Orutus

164. Stole an inkpot!

165. the map!!! (Kamet’s)

166. I love them!

167. The Math Master hmm

Am I an oracle (Nope! :) )

[bangtancentricsblog]

○ souleater ○

➣ he didn’t only eat souls he broke hearts too

❒ pairing: jung hoseok x reader

❒ genre: angst

❒ alternative universe: soul eater (anime), college

❒ rating: NC 17

❒ word count: 2.1 k

warnings/disclosures: meisters yoongi, mc and namjoon, death weapons jungkook, hoseok, jimin and taehyung, meister teacher seokjin, nothing too bad that I can think of but let me know if I missed anything!

monster mash ml • main ml • AO3

some quick vocab for my non anime fans:

kishin - is a human who has hunted too many good souls thus possessing a vast amount of dangerous destructive power

meister (i.e. mc) - essentially the 'hero', the one who fights the battles with their death weapon partners the first half of a weapons meister duo.

death weapon (i.e. hoseok) - a human who can take form of traditional weapons the second half of a weapons meister duo.

DWMA - death weapon meister academy in the soul eater anime is a 'hero' school that teaches it's students how to help keep the world in order.

“Hoseok is such a dick.” the blonde two rows back says.

“For a weapon he’s pretty full of himself. I heard he’s got a crush on his meister.” another adds as heat floods your face. Hoseok in love with you? No you couldn’t believe that, not Hoseok, you were only partners you reasoned. The whispers of that particular group grew louder still as more girls joined in adding to the already ongoing conversation. You had never cared what people thought of you and Hoseok, more so because you were a strong pair, ranked in the top three of the academy. Besides yourself there was Yoongi and Jungkook, followed by Namjoon, Jimin and Taehyung. All of whom were close friends and none that had ever given the vaguest hint that Hoseok had harbored any type of feelings for you.

Though the same couldn't be said for yourself, because how could you not? He was bright and your wavelengths had been so compatible it’d almost been like fate that you two be weapon and meister. In fact he’d been the one to approach you the first day of classes, a decision neither of you had regretted since. And yet you had gone and fallen in love with him like some normal love sick teenager and not one of the top three meisters in the DWMA. You had come to this school to create a death scythe, falling in love had not been in the plan. Yet here you were, Jungkook nudged you a furrow to his brow as he did.

“Do you think Jin will be here today?” he asks.

“Why?”

“I didn't do the homework and I’m thinking of skipping.” you weigh your answer for the briefest of moments before answering.

“I saw him earlier so now would be a great time to leave.” you say with a grin that sets jungkook off, he’s not sure whether to believe you. So he decided he’s going to skip anyway, he’s hopping out of his seat startling a yelp from Yoongi a row behind you as he sees his partner zip down the stairs of the amphitheater.

“Jungkook, thank you for volunteering!” Jin says with a laugh placing both hands on his shoulders and turning him to face the class. The room erupts into snickers, even you laugh at the betrayal etched into his pretty features.

*

You’re studying with Namjoon, Jimin and Taehyung as you’ve been giving study hall now that you have become fourth years. The earlier conversation between those girls plagues your mind, and not for the first time you question your relationship with Hoseok. He’s not a bad guy so you’re not entirely sure what it was those girls were talking about. Maybe it’s because he stuck out, but then they would talk about your whole group because truth be told you eight were an odd bunch. Namjoon and his two weapon partners Jimin and Taehyung, Yoongi the reserved yet overpowered and Jungkook the quirky usually quiet but troublesome and then there was your peculiar relationship with Jin your teacher.

Jimin has been staring at you since you’ve started clicking your pen, the pensive look you have says it all as you continue to do so even as Taehyung calls your name softly. He’s sure your thinking about the conversation between your classmates earlier which to him is dumb because eww Hoseok. But he knows that gross lovesick puppy look that flashes across your eyes is proof that you are indeed still in love with him. He glances at Namjoon who hasn't noticed that the three of you had stopped working, then to Taehyung who meets his gaze eagerly.

“___, honey please stop.” Jimin says an overly sweet tone filling your ears and pulling you from your thoughts.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to bother you.” you mumble tucking a stray lock of hair behind your ear.

“What’s bothering you?” Taehyung chimes in a tone so genuine Jimin wants to gag.

“Nothing, just y'know, the usual.” you laugh softly feeling your stomach drop.

“Is it Hoseok again?” Jimin asks.

“I wouldn’t say it is, but i wouldn't say it isn't either.”

“What about him then?” Taehyung says, taking your hand in his.

“I don't know.”

“We’re not doing that.” Jimin says brows pinched together.

“I’m sorry.” you murmur pulling your hand from Taehyung’s. Jimin can feel his anger build but not at you, never at you because you’re his soft sweet friend that he loves to death. His anger is directed at that idiot hoseok who he knows is a total ass but your poor baby heart can’t help but like. Again eww, Jungkook would be a better candidate for those feelings he thinks staring long and hard as you tuck stray curls behind your ears. God your cute, any stinky boy at your school would be lucky to have you and you want Hoseok of all people.

“Is it because of what those girls said?” Taehyung says reaching for your hands again, an annoying habit of his that you don’t seem to mind too much.

“Does Hoseok, I mean do you think h-he might like me?”

“Don’t worry about trivial things like that, Hoseok is your friend.” Namjoon adds scaring Jimin who had forgotten he was there.

“So you don't think so? Should I ask him out or something?”

“Definitely not, Hoseok is weird about things like that. Just stick to the norm if Hoseok likes you, he’ll tell you.” Namjoon says calmly flashing you a smile as he picks up.

“Okay, thanks Joonie. Where are you going?”

“I’m done studying, so I’m going home. I expect you two to actually finish your work before you do the same.”

“Don’t say it like that, if anything Taehyung is the one who should get the warning!” Jimin says with a huff. You laugh as the two boys argue amongst themselves over who is most likely to take the class over again. All thoughts of Hoseok gone for the time being.

*

It’s been weeks of Hoseok literally avoiding you at every possible turn. He skips class, eats lunch at odd times, he doesn’t come home till you’re asleep, and only talks to your friends when you’re not around. It’s annoying to say the least, mostly because he’s never acted this way before. But on the other hand he’s been the talk of the school girl giggling amongst themselves, boys sneering at the mere mention of him, even teachers have his name on their lips. You’ve reached your limit and no amount of Jimin and Taehyung talking you down can stop you. You’re hurt, mostly because Hoseok was your friend, and you can't think of a reason that he’d do something like this.

Unfortunately you don’t have the luxury to confront him as easily as you had hoped. This weird phase between you lasts another couple of weeks because try as you might Hoseok is really good at hiding. Something you ever thought you’d have to learn because he’d never hidden from you, from the boys maybe but not you. So imagine your surprise when you get the chance to hunt down another keishan, making it his 87th keishan soul only 12 away from a witch’s. Thirteen in total till he could become a death scythe, only thirteen till you’d have to say goodbye to him forever. Just because you wouldn’t be partners anymore didn’t mean you couldn’t be friends, you reasoned, shaking the thoughts from your mind as you walked along the lone path through the forest of a neighboring town.

The moon shone down on you eerily, casting shadows across the dirt, almost like little pockets of light to show you the way. The silence was unsettling, the thicker of leaves and branches that hung overhead enough of a sign that this forest should’ve been filled with wildlife. And yet not a single sound, not an owl's hoot, not a crickets chirp, not even the slight breeze made a sound. A chill raced up your spine as you stopped catching Hoseok’s attention as he moved to stand beside you.

“What’s wrong?”

“Something is off, I’m not sure but I don’t like this Hobi.” You murmured, taking his hand. To anyone else you’d seem like any normal young adult, you, a frightened little thing while your boyfriend reassured you that everything was okay, only you weren’t. You were holding Hoseok’s hand not for reassurance but to better your chances of not missing your target when they appeared, and if you were right then they’d be coming at you any second now.

As if on queue they come barreling at you from above, a manic look in their eyes. You’d called Hoseok’s name softly, calmly, while dodging the first few swipes of their long arms. Hoseok had taken the queue easily transforming to his weapon form, the rapier now sat perfectly in your palm. Hoseok was a beautiful specimen in human form but his weapon form was just as beautiful. A sleek silver blade, with an intricately detailed golden hilt, the weight rested comfortably in your palm.

You sighed as the keishan stood and watched as you stood stock still a little miffed that it caught the corner of your duster cardigan, because it was new! The boots you wore were caked in mud but that could be washed out you supposed.

“Hey are you gonna do something about that thing or what?”

“Shut up Hoseok.” You sighed again because you really didn’t wanna be here right now. But a job was a job you guessed as you planted your feet firmly on the ground narrowing your gaze as it sprinted towards you. You hated these things especially when they moved this fast, this was gonna be a mess you thought finally pushing off the ground and charging towards it.

*

Hoseok is pleased he didn’t really have to get too involved in this job because as strong as you were you could be really clumsy. But he liked how efficient you were when taking down your foe. The soul of the keishan sat there waiting for him to eat it, and he usually wouldn’t hesitate but there was something bothering him about this, mostly you. You’d been unusually quiet this hunt, almost pensive if he had to say so. So he wanted to know what it was that was bothering you, he reasoned grasping the soul while turning to look at you.

You were crouched over some wild mushroom, back facing him because you claimed it grossed you out to see him eat the souls. He agreed because not all of them tasted great, but he digressed.

“What’s wrong?” He starts just to break the ice.

“Nothing why? Are you done yet, cause I wanna go home I’m tired.” You mutter, pulling up the mushrooms trying to recall if they were edible or not.

“Yeah.” He sighs, quickly shoving the soul into his mouth, chewing once, then twice before swallowing. This one hadn’t been as gross as the last one. The texture was nice, almost as good as a medium rare steak he thought as he waits for you to stand. Except you don’t, you’ve stopped playing with the mushrooms and just sit quietly.

“Hoseok, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Do you like me?” He’s frozen, his head quirked slightly really letting your question settle in.

“Of course I like you, we’re partners.” He says, wetting his lips.

“No, I mean more than friends. Do you like, like me?”

“Why does that matter? We’re partners and I like you but, but not like that.” You say nothing, finally standing to your full height. His hands are clammy as you turn to look at him, eyes wide and glassy. He can see the tears that pool at your lash line, your lip trembles as you let out a choked half sob half laugh. He feels bad, because he didn't want to do this to you. Had never meant to break your poor loved up heart this way, because Hoseok loved you like a friend and would rather hurt himself than hurt you.

“I knew that, I mean it’s obvious why would you like me right?”

“I never said that.”

“It’s okay Hoseok I understand, you don’t need to explain.” you say and he wants to hug you close and make sure you understand that it’s really not you but him. He steps closer ready to embrace you, but you step back hands out to keep him from coming any closer.

“Let’s go home.” you mutter with a watery smile turning on your heel and making your trek back to your dorm with the broken pieces of your heart in hand.

[neonwizardheehee]

personal rant & brain dump bc I’m listening to bigbang and feel emo:

so i have a few topics that are circling my mind thus this will get messy (as usual hahaha)

- music as I said I’m listening to bb and the way I wanna cry??? mainly bc i miss my sis talking about them and being all happy and proud.. and just her in general v.v I feel like i overdid her with kpop and that doesn’t feel good. i was supposed to be the baby but i got too invested and now i am so damn invested i scare her :((( it makes me so sad :( but idk how to stop.(current mood & playing: let’s not fall in love) 

 - romance the new girls i met here are so different from the friends i have bc they are extroverts. i never had extroverts as friends before so i feel blessed now. we only met recently but they already were so open to me about things no one ever told me. like 3/4 girls i met talked to me about their first time and BOI i was so glad that we casually talked about it bc my other friends wouldn’t do that in a million years bc they are too shy. it really felt good. also no one judged me which was very reassuring. albeit me feeling a bit dumb bc i couldn’t really add to the convo but apparently I get better at listening ig? also that made me think that sex and dating shouldn’t be such an “important” topic as it is with my friends before. one friend sees it as an achievement to have a s/o but doesn’t talk about it or either brags (kskssk giiirl that’s so funny yet annoying XD yes u can be proud of your boi and brag bc i’m here for that bc i’m just so happy for you but ... not at random moments XDD). this made me realize how ppl refer to their s/o when talking to others. bc my friends who are very chill with their relationship always say their name while said friend (and ofc some others where having a relationship is important) always say “my bf/gf” or “ex” when that specific info is not relevant to the story they are telling XD

anyways it also made me realize how BAD i am with talking about my own feelings and wishes. since talking about my worries feels like complaining and i am good at that - but it feels random and uninteresting for anyone to hear i think to myself (it prob isnt). i feel so smol when asked about that topic and all i wanna answer is “???”. even if there is no pressure. idk why I’m like this and it makes me feel sorry for the people around me :( I’m so confused and idk what the question is. i can do better with writing but idk why but i wanna find out one day hahah. maybe i should just ask my new friends for advice since they are not judging me and i trust them and want to learn to be better with that. altho there’s this thought that I’m uncapable of love which frightens me a lot. I know i’m okay without it and i don’t mind but i feel so sorry for the people who like me? it also might be natural and I’m just stressing myself over nothing so idk what to ask and do -since you can’t force love right? i mean i don’t really believe in love at first sight i guess but rather spending time with that person and liking them a lot. so id why I’m pressuring myself so much with this :( maybe i am just too scared? or maybe i am anticipating too much? it all could be possible bc for everyone love is different and every relationship is different. so it’s mostly me feeling sorry for not giving back as much as i should and could :( - that’s also the reason why I’m so pro polyamorus relationships bc I know I’m not enough and idk how and if i want to fix that bc idk the rules bc there are none hahhaha - but also that makes me feel good bc i know i’m not responsible for someone’s happiness. i am too egoistical and these thoughts work as a self-protecting mechanism I KNOW that’s why i do this. so i’m not stressing myself even more. i just feel so unfairly precious when someone genuinely praises me when we’re just two ppl and no one else :( might be bc i don’t understand that feeling yet. i def want to know that but also i’m scared that it’d take me down a road where i loose myself (for some foolish reason idk why). so in the end ig I keep trying and get used to that (i already made loads of progress this year so ig i shouldn’t feel like I’m being too slow)

- studying okay so next topic is also just me feeling like i do too few. this week went quite okay and i managed to study on out study server everyday (ofc i had my bad days but i still at least smth). well yesterday i hastily did some vocab and then teh whole day i spend with friends & kpop... like LITERALLY until the night. a friend of mine was proud of me for taking a break (me too yesterday) but today i don’t feel good about that :( i missed so much. i’m scared it’ll kick me out of my study routine (since it was so hard to get my ass down to study itself!). i really want to be the person who’s studying every day and feel good about that. so since i have another thing planned today i don’t think i’ll get much done today as well :(((( i just wanna be a wise guy who knows a lot T.T i already made progress i know but... i want more.. i really wanna do well here and not be stuck behind like i was for the past 6 years :( i wanna have ambition again and not just pass... i kind of hope i can manage to study at nights on days like this but also i need my sleep so i stil have to find a solution for that. bc even tho i regret not studying as much i don’t regret hanging out with people. that’s smth i missed out in my first semester and so important in times like this were I’m stuck on my own. 

- religion so i have one christian friend here and yesterday we talked about church services and stuff like that and it was cool learning how it’s with her bc she goes to a very modern church (instead of me going to a traditional one 4 times a year). Suddenly i got sad tho and felt like crying :( even tho she was just stating her opinion i felt attacked and wanted to cry. after some thinking i think it’s just the way we are used to talking about religion bc we both grew up in an area where religion is looked down onto. for me .. i turned to myself and made up my own thoughts and beliefs bc i am too scared to talk and ask someone about it bc of all the accusations around me. religion was not smth to be discussed and only smth for yourself and maybe your family for me. the girl had to fight her way through all the “churches are old and fucked up and scary” things and since she goes to a modern one has good reasoning against them - that’s perfectly understandable and I’m so proud of her for speaking up like that. but like... it hit me on thw wrong side bc i am used to these old traditions and kind of like them even :( so it felt like she was insulting me. even tho she wasn’t.  i just dont know how to talk about religion and how to practice reading the bible or praying and hearing her talk about how she does all these things.. makes me feel invalid :( it’s like the only thing that i have is that i was raised a christian. but y’know for me it was okay since i learned in school not to practice or show my religion.. so idk how to do it... and i feel baby and sad if i have to ask her for some reason. i tried to look up this on the internet but ofc everyone is even more crazily involved there and it scares me SO much. so i unfollowed everyone hahah. i also have this one podcast but i still feel bad bc i’m not able to really read the bible on my own ig :( these days I’m just blaming it on the translation that i have but deep down i know it’s me who’s not able to ask questions at the text. maybe i should try to talk to someone... my sis who’s also in the same situation as me... or said girl to take me along and feel like a complete newbie and a little bit like an outcast bc religion for me is so different than to her.

- christmas i really enjoy the christmas spirit but i also already wanna cry if i think about gifts. i hate that i have so many people i love and will prob get smth from them so i have to make smth in return. i am overwhelmed and scared already. i didn’t even make a list yet T.T feels like i should block time to figure out gifts in my schedule bc I’m just putting it off more and more :( and also i already feel sorry for everyone bc they will get shitty gifts bc I’m so bad at this :(