#and i worry about my doctor misinterpreting what i'm trying to say

[a1307s]

Mating Season #1

(Garfield Logan Smut)

[Art is not mine! Credit to mothyx]

Requested by: Liviejc

Keys:

None

Word Count: 3653

Warnings and/or Pre-notes:

Biting

Scratching

Blood

Hickeys

Titty sucking

Oral (female receiving)

Breeding/pregnancy  

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     The sound of my boyfriend moving around the bed wakes me up. On instinct, I reach for Garfield. "You okay?" I ask, my fingertips brushing his bicep. 

     Recently Gar has been acting really weird. He's been super short tempered, to the point that Conner had to break up a fight between him and Bart earlier this week. Though, Conner thinks it was just Garfield being territorial instead of him being upset.  He might be right, Gar has been super clingy lately, so he probably misinterpreted Bart's behaviors. On the other hand, my boyfriend has been picking fights with everyone so I'm not sure what's going on with him.

     "Ya, I'm just warm," Garfield answers, moving closer so I can wrap my fingers around his arm. 

     He's right. His skin feels like it's boiling under my touch. About the time his anger picked up, his body temperature did too. "Maybe you should see a doctor," I say, propping myself up so I can look at Gar. 

     Garfield turns his head so he's facing me. His eyes are a bright green that stands out in the dark. His pupils are a bit slitted, reminding me of a cat. "I'm usually super warm, babe. You know, the whole 'animal kingdom' thing," Gar answers, trying to put my worries to rest.  

     "Ya, I know. You're just warmer than usual and you've been kind of moody. Maybe you're getting sick."

     "I'm not getting sick. I'm just a little warm."

     I sigh in defeat and lay back down. "We could turn down the heat," I offer, sliding my hand from Beasty's arm up to his hair. I softly twirl the ends around my fingers, soaking in the softness of it.

     "It's already at sixty-five. I don't want to make it too cold, you won't be comfortable then," He answers, eyes shut and soft purrs coming from him because of my petting. 

     "We could take the comforter off the bed and just sleep with the under-sheet."

     "Ya, but if you're too cold you won't be able to sleep," Garfield says again, opening his eyes to look at me. 

     "You're pretty much a personal heater at all times. If I get too cold, I'll just snuggle up closer," I answer, scooting over some to place a soft kiss on his forehead. 

     Gar doesn't answer so I pull off the comforter before laying back down. I snuggle up to him, laying my head on his chest and slinging my leg across the waist band of his pj  pants. It seems to help for a couple minutes, but not very long. Garfield starts shifting again, so I roll over to remove my body heat from him. He relaxes again, but again, it doesn't last long. 

     "I'm going to try a cold shower," he says, kissing my shoulder blade before getting out of bed.

     I hum in response but stay curled up in bed. It's silent for a second before Gar turns the shower on. After a couple minutes I start to think that maybe less clothing will help. With this thought, I reluctantly roll out of bed to change out of my long-sleeved shirt and fuzzy pj pants. By the time I'm changed - now in a sports bra and spandex - and back comfortable in bed, Gar is out of the shower. "Did it help?" I ask, sitting up in bed, causing the sheet to pool in my lap, and look towards the bathroom.

     "Ya," Beasty answers shortly, his eyes locked on me. "Did you change?" He asks, taking quick steps towards the bed. 

     "Yes, I did. I figured less clothing might help so maybe take off your shirt and pj bottoms before laying back down."

     Beasty hums, eyes still locked on me as he pulls his shirt off in one swift movement. He drops his bottoms, leaving him in his boxers as he crawls back in next to me. He lays down before wrapping his arms around me and tugging me closer. My mostly bare back is pressed against his chest. Gar's skin feels a lot cooler than earlier which brings a bit of relief to me. Maybe he was just a little warm. 

     I close my eyes and snuggle into him. I lay there, almost asleep, when Garfield starts moving his hands. They rest at my waist for a moment before sliding up my sides. It stirs me a bit, but not too much since I'm use to his wondering hands, especially when we cuddle. His hands slide from my sides, across the band of my bra before dipping down to my stomach. They rest there for a bit before sliding back up to my sides. "Are you going to sleep?" I ask, poking a bit of fun at my boyfriend.

     "Ya," Garfield says, his voice raspier than I thought it would be. "You just... feel really good on my skin," He adds, nuzzling his head into my neck.

     We're quite for a few minutes, the whole time I can feel his skin heating up again. "You should really see a doctor tomorrow," I whisper, moving my arm behind me to run my fingers through his hair. "Please?"

     "Fine," He whispers back, his arms tightening on me and pulling me closer. I can feel every inch of his scorching skin pressed up against me. Garfield shifts his head, gently pressing soft kisses against my neck. He makes a neat line down my neck and over my shoulder before working his way back up. Gar starts down again but rests against my jugular. He makes soft hums against my skin before gently sinking his teeth into me. He follows the line he made before, making soft nips along the way, but soon the nips turn into full out biting. He covers my neck and shoulder with teeth marks, sinking his teeth in as far as he can, causing a stinging sensation along his path. 

     "Hey, hey, hey," I yelp as Beasty starts to work over the bite marks again. "It hurts," I whine, trying to shrug him off.

     "I'm sorry," Gar whimpers, nipping into a pervious made mark, causing prickles of pain to overtake my nervous. "I can't help myself," He whines, running his tongue over the marks. This doesn't help the stinging. Garfield's hands slide back down from my sides, sliding between my legs to paw at them. "You smell so sweet," He bellows as his nails dig into the flesh of my thighs. 

     My heart skips, fear and arousal both rushing through me at Beasty's sudden roughness. In the past two years Gar has always been so gentle with me during everything. He's always so gentle when he intertwines his fingers with mine to avoid clawing me. Always careful not to accidently nick my lips with his canines when we kiss. Always only using feathery touches and making sure to go slow and gentle during sex. He has only ever once left a mark on me, and it tore him up for a month after. Beasty has never acted like this.

     My legs squeeze shut out of fearful instinct. "You're scaring me," I whisper, trying to pace my breathing.

     "Don't be scared," He mumbles into my ear, nipping at my ear lobe before continuing to add to the collection of teeth marks on my neck. Beasty's claws dig further into my thighs as he tries to spread them open. "Open your legs," He hisses. "Please," Garfield's voice softening for a second, sending a wave of relief through me before digging his teeth back into my flesh and starting the feeling of stinging pain all over again.  

     "Please," I whine, trying to wiggle out of his grasp. "You're hurting me, Gar."

     Garfield rolls onto his back, dragging himself away from me. In the process, he tears the skin of my neck where his teeth were buried and his claws tear into my thighs. Warm blood slowly trickles from the wounds. My legs shake a bit, but I can't tell if it's from fear or arousal... or both.

     "I'm sorry," Gar mutters, turning me to my other side so that I'm looking at him. His eyes are still slitted, like a predator looking at their prey and his jaw is clenched. "Did I hurt you?" He asks, running his fingertips across my thighs, causing the wounds to ache more. Garfield's eyes widen for a second before slitting more than before when his fingers come in contact with my blood. "I'm sorry," He repeats, wrapping his hands around my legs and pulling me onto his lap. 

     His body presses against me, my knees resting at his sides as the rest of me rests on his torso. The hold he has on my legs reminds me how defenseless I am against him. The thought makes me tingle, and this time I know it's both with fear and desire. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you," Garfield repeats again, his eyes flickering from my face to my chest and then my pussy, back up to my eyes. "I just... you... I need... I want... I don't know what's happening," He stumbles over his words, his eyes constantly flickering over me as his hands rub up my legs, over my sides and rest on my chest. 

     He softly paws at my chest, his eyes locked there along with his hands. Garfield lets out a sigh of frustration, squeezing my boobs a lot harder than normal. "Are you horny? It's okay if you are," I say, wrapping my hands around his wrists to try and get him to loosen his grip a bit.

     "I don't know," He answers, letting go and resting his hands against my chest for a moment. Gar's eyebrows scrunch together as he thinks, his hands picking up where they left off, but his touch is softer this time. "I just... I don't know," he says, running his thumbs under the band of my bra.

     "What are you thinking about?" I hum moving my hands from my lap where they've been to run them over Gar's chest. 

     He stays quiet. I take the silence as a chance to line his chest and shoulders with soft kisses. After a couple minutes he stops me, moving his hands from my tits to my shoulders to push me back up in a sitting position. Gar places his hands back on my boobs, squeezing them hard like before as his thumbs start to work my bra up. "Take it off," He orders, glancing at my eyes before focusing on my tits again.

     "Gar-"

     "Take. It. Off," He growls, eyes glaring into mine before snapping down again. My knees squeeze his sides as my pussy tingles at his tone. Maybe I like Beasty being aggressive. "Jesus," He mumbles, sliding the rest of his fingers to the band and ripping the sports bra off of me before tossing it to the floor. The chilliness of the room hits my nipples, causing them to start hardening. "It's been making me so angry; seeing any other dude near you, let alone talking to you," Beasty says, his hands warming my chest up.

     "Is this about my disagreement with Bart the other day?"

     Once the words are out, Garfield flips us over, his weight pushing me into the mattress. My legs are sprawled out under us, and my arms wrap around his shoulders to try and steady myself. One of Gar's knees are pushed into my cunt, the other one is being used to prop himself up some. His hands are digging into the mattress on either side of my head and his eyes are glowing as they burn into me. 

     "Say his name again. Say it again, I dare you. I don't see him being able to sense your heartbeat from ten miles away. I don't see him being able to sense your smell from six miles away. And I certainly haven't seen him dipping his head between your legs every night to help you sleep," Beasty says, digging his claws further and further into the mattress after every sentence. "Do you ask Bart to pump in and out of you when you're horny? Is Bart the one you choose to spend your life with?"

     "No," I mewl out, closing my legs around his knee.

     "Keep your legs open," He orders, ripping my legs open and shoving his nails back into the claw marks he left on me. "For the past month, every time I've seen you sparring with a guy, talking to a guy, being anywhere near a guy, all I've thought about is leaving pretty little bruises all over you so that everyone could see that I'm fucking you. I don't want too. I don't like having those thoughts but they're there. And then, ever since your pretty little body started letting off your ovulation pheromones all I've thought about is putting a baby in you. Thought about filling you up, watching you walk around with my baby in you, seeing your pregnancy waddle when your tummy gets all big and round."

     "Gar-" I start but he cuts me off by bending down and taking one of my nipples into his mouth. "H... hey," I whimper, shoving my hands into his hair. He lifts his hand to paw at the breast not in his mouth. He sucks on me for a while, most definitely leaving a bruise before switching to the other side.

     When he's satisfied with himself, Gar lifts his head up to look at me. His eyes have gone soft and are no longer the predator slits from earlier. "I'm going to leave bruises on you, okay? I'm sorry. I need to. I really really need to. I need to make you hurt. I'm sorry," His words come out almost as cries. 

     "Beasty-"

     "I know. I'm sorry. I don't want to, but I need to. I don't know. It feels like... I don't know. I'm sorry," Gar says, constantly repeating himself as he rubs my hips and nuzzles the unmarked side of my neck. "I can leave. I don't want to hurt you. It's just... in me... in my veins... I feel it, right there. Right under my skin. The need to prove I touched your body. The need to put a baby in you. I can leave if you're not comfortable." Gar murmurs the last part, running his tongue across my skin and rutting his knee against my spandex. "I need it," He whispers into my skin. 

     I can feel Garfield's tears against my skin as he holds me. I move my hands to his shoulder to softly rub them, trying to help him relax as he starts marking up my neck again. He was already rough on the other side but he's being a lot harsher this time around. By the third bite mark, I can already feel the blood tricking from the new wounds caused by him. "Beasty-"

     "I'm sorry."

     "Gar-"

     "I'm really sorry."

     "Garfield," I say a little harsher, moving my hands to his hair in order to tear his mouth off of me. "Beasty... I think you're in heat," I say, trying to ignore the increasing pressure building in my groin from the friction happening between my legs.

     "Ya, sure, whatever," he says, pulling my hand out of his hair and attaching himself to the first thing he can get his mouth on. His mouth works down my shoulder, across my collarbones and down my chest. He leaves hickies and bite marks the whole way down. 

     "Gar," I moan out, trying to get his attention but reacting to his tongue running just above the waist band of my spandex instead. "Garfield, please stop," I whimper, tugging on his hair again.

     He does listen, stopping the movement of his mouth and his knee. I'm left a bit sad from the loss of frication against my pussy, but he is just doing what I asked. "I'm sorry," he says again, his hands rubbing my inner thighs, spreading the blood that's been left there. His eyes are back to being slit but they're red and puffy now.

     "Baby," I say, softly taking his face in my heads. I force him to look at me as I rub circles on his cheeks. "I think you're in heat," I repeat, giving him a second to register what I'm saying.

     "Oh... oh! Oh, ya. That... would make a lot of sense," Beasty says, gently running his fingertips over my clothed pussy. "Though, technically it would be called 'rut' cause I'm a dude," he says, watching my legs close around his arm. "I really want to put a baby in you."

     "You... you really can't put a baby in me," I breath out, leaning my head back and shutting my eyes to soak in Gar's touch. 

     "But I really can," he says, using his free hand to pull my legs open again. Beasty dips his head down, going to leave hickies and more markings across my thighs. "Let me put a baby in you. Please?"

     "No... no baby, Beasty," I whimper, my legs starting to shake from the stimulation and the pain starting to gather from the new and old marks. 

     "Please?" He asks again, wrapping his fingers around the bottom of my spandex, starting to pull them down. Once he gets them off of me, he starts licking over the newly exposed skin, leaving my pussy untouched. 

     He teases me, running his tongue and mouth close to my cunt but not close enough to continue the stimulation I want. "Stop teasing," I beg, trying to unwrap his arms from my legs.

     "Let me put a baby in you and I'll stop teasing," Garfield comments, slowly running his tongue through my folds before lifting his head up to leave bruises along my hips. I whine, getting a retaliation of his claws digging into my legs again.  "I'm going to fill you up by the end of my mating season so you might as well let me now."

     "Gar... please... you... you can fill me up all you want after... after my ovulation, okay? Stop teasing. You're bruising every... every inch of my skin. The least you can do is... is make me feel good." 

     He hums, thinking over my words for a second before ducking in between my thighs. His tongue slithers over my clit a couple times before he latches on it. The feeling mixed with the sound of Garfield suckling on me fills my head. My fingers tangle in his hair, pushing his head further as I grind against his tongue. 

     Beasty continues for a few minutes until I come unraveled on his tongue. He stays down there, slurping up my juices before popping his head up to look at me. "I want to cum in you," he says, wiggling two of his fingers into me. 

     "You can't," I say, shifting around to try and get his fingers deeper in me. 

     "Please? We can get the Morning After Pill tomorrow," he says, pretty much begging before he sinks his teeth into my stomach to mark me up even more.

     "Fine... fine...," I mumble, using his hair to pull him up my body. 

     He smiles up at me, nipping at my breasts as he pulls his dick out of his boxers. "Say it," Gar orders, poking his tip in and out of me. 

     "What?" I ask, digging my nails into his back as I try to pull him forward so I can feel more of him in me.

     "Say you want me to fill your pussy," Beasty says, working his way from my breasts back up to my neck. "Say you want me to try to put a baby in you."

     "Please fuck me, Garfield. Please fill my pussy," I whine, finally winning at my tug-of-war. Gar sinks into me, wasting no time to bottom out. 

     "Good," He murmurs against my skin, bring his hands up my body to pin my wrists down. His thrusts are fast, and hard, the complete opposite of what I'm use too. It doesn't take many thrusts before my hips start to hurt. "I'm going to put a baby in you," Gar whispers into my ear, his claws digging into me as he recks my hips. "You're going to get a nice big belly and a cute little waddle. Your titties are going to swell up and get big and heavy. Then, as soon as possible, I'll fuck another baby into you.  Over and over again until I give you a nice big litter."

     "I don't want a baby," I whine, trying to pull my wrists out from his grasp. 

     I can feel Gar's smile against my ear. "I know baby... I know... It'll be okay." I whine from under him, wrapping my legs around his waist as his thrusts get sloppy. As I'm getting closer, the walls of my cunt tighten around him, not helping the sloppiness he's already experiencing. "For someone that doesn't want a baby, your pussy is trying awfully hard to milk me," He teases, sinking his teeth into my neck again. Beasty thrusts a couple more times before he buries himself in me as deep as possible. His teeth dig deeper, breaking my skin again, as he bottoms out.

     Garfield slumps over, laying on top of me as he falls off his high. His hands are heavy as they slip on to my hips. Our bodies stick together from a mix of sweat and cum. The room is quiet for a couple minutes, nothing but our heavy breathing to fill the room. "I'm going to fuck you again," Beasty says, slipping his hands down my legs to wrap them around his torso again. 

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[fortunekookie07]

Alright, I am redeeming myself with this one! All the sappy mushy stuff coming your way!

Confessions in the Rain

Zayne had to admit to himself that he was tired. He couldn't even remember how you had gotten to this point in the first place. It was like the universe had set you to forever misinterpret him. Yet there you stood, face red in anger and eyes watery from un-shed tears.

"Why don't you just admit you hate me already, Zayne? I don't understand how you could even say that to me. I'm doing the best I can." Ahh there it was, a single tear had escaped your control and was rolling down your cheek.

He opened his mouth to say something, but you cut him off. "Don't bother, I know when I'm not wanted. You've made that painfully clear. I'll look for another Doctor!" You're almost shouting by the end of your words as you spin around and run from his office.

You run right past the nurse's station, ignoring them all staring at you. They'd never seen you anything but cheerful in the years you'd been coming. One of them even stood up hand reached out, but you're already gone.

The receptionist tries to stop you as well, but you don't hear her warning that it is pouring outside. You don't care. You have stopped paying attention to your surroundings. Eyes too blurry to see clearly anymore. Whether from rain or crying you don't know.

As you're about to step into the parkinglot you miss the edge of the sidewalk and go sprawling to the ground. Scraping your palms in the process. You land with a grunt. Your palms are bleeding now, but still you don't care. You sit up on your knees crying harder.

You're still sitting there crying when splashing footsteps come in your direction, and your name is called. "Come on, get up off the ground. It's pouring out here. You could catch a cold or pneumonia." Zayne has come after you, of course he did. He had a reputation to maintain after all. "No!" You yell back at him, swatting his hands when he tries to help you stand.

"If I'm sooo much trouble, then don't bother anymore. I'm not your responsibility. Just go away!" You swat his hands again. "You silly girl," Zayne says. softly grasping your arms and forcing you to stand. He holds you to him. Not minding your squirming and attempts to push him away. His voice rumbles in your ear as he speaks again. "Why do you always misunderstand me? You've been like that since we were kids." You freeze at his words, tears still sliding down your cheeks and washed away by the rain.

"Wh-what?" Your voice is shaky from crying. "I have never cared that you cause me trouble, trouble me more. Turn my entire life upside down. I don't care, as long as it's you. Let me take care of you, I've always wanted to." He pauses for a breath. Zayne has never said so many heartfelt words to you before.

"I just wish that you would not take what I say the wrong way. I decided to become a cardiac surgeon for you. I wanted to find a cure for your heart condition. You are the drive behind my every action. Don't you know that yet?" You look up into his hazel eyes, burning with the intensity of his emotions.

"I'm always worried about you, you're job is so dangerous, but you disregard my worry and dive headlong into danger every day. I know I can't stop you or hold you back. Just don't push me away again." He's pleading now. Zayne has never, ever done that for anyone. You try to squash the feeling in your heart again. You have always suppressed your feelings, certain he would never return them.

"Why, why would you go so far for me? Is it because we're childhood friends?" Zayne closes his eyes and drops his head a long sigh coming from him.

"You're so silly, why are you so silly. Fine, I'll spell it out for you then." He takes a breath, "because I love you." He looks into your eyes with finality. There is no way you could possibly misunderstand that.

Tears well up to your eyes again. "Y-you do??" Zayne gently grabs bot side of your face. He rubs circles on your cheeks with his thumbs as he stares into your eyes. "I've always loves you, ever since we were children." He says quietly. You grab his tie and stand on your toes pulling him down to your level before you can kiss him.

Zayne is surprised, his eyes going wide before he returns the kiss. After a minute you pull back and smile. "I love you too."

You're both completely drenched by the rain and the receptionist was standing in the entrance with a scolding look and towels. When you finally start back towards the hospital she's fussing about how wet you both are and the water you're tracking across the floor.

She wastes no time throwing towels over both you and Zayne and ushering you into bathrooms to have a warm shower and put on dry clothes. Despite all this, you can't get the silly grin off your face. Your heart is elated, and you feel like you're soaring high above the storm clouds. You hope that you never come back down from this feeling.

[reliccipher]

Is there even a fuckin evolutionary purpose to cramps or is that just for funny haha human torment

I've been facing kidney stone level pain since I was 12 and no matter how many times professionals say that its normal you cannot convince me that this level of pain is NORMAL. I really hope they just mean "normal" as in "You don't need to go to the hospital" because there is no way that there's nothing going on here? Do doctors just think I'm exaggerating? Is this just a socialization issue and they're just trying to reassure me that I'm not dying and I'm misinterpreting it to mean "everything is fine"? Are the doctors in my area just idiots? Or is it a "we really can't do anything here, just keep taking naproxen or whatever as normal" kinda thing? Do I have endometriosis?? Is it too hard to diagnose it for certain and my doctors aren't bothering, or am I not complaining enough about it? I genuinely don't know. I just don't think this is completely normal.

I've had kidney stones before. I've had to help take care of my dad when he gets them, because getting those on top of his chronic pain makes it a struggle to even get out of bed. It is genuinely one of the worst kinds of pain to get. I have been taking ibuprofen and/or naproxen for the pains ASAP when I even see a little bit of blood or feel the start of cramping. I've been doing that for so long that I forgot how bad it was, so when my cramps started in the middle of the day when I had no access to any kind of meds some months back, the horrifying reality of what I had been going through had finally set in, taking the full force of the pain with nothing to combat it, and it was just as bad as kidney stones. Made worse since it hit me in a crowded fuckin mall with people looking at me weird but I don't want to get into that mess. I just cannot believe when someone tries to tell me THAT is normal, that everything is fine, nothing to worry about, nothing to even look into.

I'm scared to even think about how the pain could be worse than this, because I know that's possible. I'm scared of the idea that something could be seriously wrong here and it's getting ignored because I'm not being taken seriously or because I'm not complaining enough about it. I hate the idea that this is just somehow "normal". Even if I wasn't trans I'd want to get this stupid fucking organ out of my body so I don't have to suffer like that. I really wish I could just get it removed already, its just too fucking much for me, man. That's not gonna happen any time soon though since I can hardly even afford blood tests. I mean, hell, I need to get a (full body, likely) MRI and that's been shoved to the side for years now because my family just can't afford it. A whole surgery like that is nothing but a pipe dream right now.

Sorry for the long rambling bs about this shit but I need to scream into the void about this, I already had therapy this week so I can't talk about it there lol. IDK maybe someone knows what its like or can tell me "yeah that's not normal your doctors suck" or something.

[1mechanicalalligator]

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[askjennie]

I've tried to talk to therapists about my problems a couple of times now, and everytime I stop going becuase I always feel so stupid for even attempting even though I know I need it. I have a rather self destructive personality and most days I feel like I need a drink just to get me through the day and I'm worried that if I don't get help, ill spiral out of control. I guess I'm asking for advice to help me stop feeling so stupid for receiving therapy.

Why do you feel stupid for receiving therapy? That’s not a rhetorical question, that’s a question you should actually reflect on, and come up with an answer for. For example, some people feel stupid about going to therapy because: 

They feel like they should solve their own problems because they don’t want to feel like they’re relying on others.

They think that their problems aren’t bad enough to get therapy, compared to other people’s issues.

They feel like they should just ‘deal with it’ or ‘man up’. 

They think that there’s no point in getting therapy because they believe nothing will help. 

They feel embarrassed by their problems and don’t like discussing them.

They think that receiving therapy will make others see them as weak. 

None of these are good or accurate reasons to not go to therapy. 

Some people feel like going to therapy means that they’re being lazy, or weak, or irresponsible, for not dealing with their problems on their own. Let’s be clear: acknowledging that therapy could be helpful for you, making the effort to set up an appointment, and making the effort to go and actually engage with therapy, is one of the most responsible things you can do for your mental health. Part of taking care of your health, which is something we all have to learn to do as we get older, involves going to others for advice and treatment sometimes. You’re struggling with physical pain, you go to a doctor. You’re struggling with emotional pain, you go to a therapist. Going to therapy is the exact opposite of avoiding dealing with your problems; it’s tackling them head-on. 

Some people feel like going to therapy will mean that they’re dependent on therapists and professionals, and that they’ll lose their independence and ability to fix things themselves. That’s kind of a misinterpretation of what the aim of therapy actually is. Ideally, a therapist is there to help you learn ways of coping with your issues, techniques to help you handle difficult emotions or thoughts outside of sessions, so that you can build resilience and feel more confident in taking care of yourself. Therapy is there to help you take control again, not to take power away from you. 

(As a side note, some people do need to rely on therapy and support professionals for long periods of time, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Humans are social animals, and society isn’t designed for anyone to be completely independent. Who built your house? Who picked or killed your food? Who ensures your water is clean? Who sold you the device that you’re reading this on now? We all rely on others for many, many things, and seeking support from a mental health professional when you’re struggling with your mental health doesn’t need to be any different from seeking support from a plumber when you’re struggling to fix your toilet yourself.)

Some people feel bad about going to therapy because they feel like other people have much worse problems than them. Unless you’re that one unlucky person with the objectively worst problems in the world, there will always be someone who has it worse than you. But that doesn’t mean that your problems are unimportant, it doesn’t mean that you can’t struggle with what you’re dealing with, and it doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to ask for help. If an elderly relative asks you to help them carry one of their bags, do you scoff and say “some people have to carry TEN bags ALL ON THEIR OWN, you know”? If you feel like you need help, that’s enough of a reason to ask for help, even if other people in the world also need help.

Some people are pretty skeptical about going to therapy, and think that it can’t possibly help them. The truth is, there are a lot of different types of therapy, and they’re not all going to work for everyone. But that means that there will probably be a type that does work for you! Some are more structured and science-focused, which works for some people, and some are more open-ended and feelings-exploratory, which works for other people. Some work better for different types of mental health issues, or for people with different kinds of developmental disabilities. Likewise, not all therapists are going to work for everybody. Therapists are people, and like all other people there will be some that you just won’t get along with. On top of that, different therapists specialise in different types of issues (for example, if you’ve had a traumatic experience you might want a therapist who specialises in trauma). So, do make the effort to try therapy again even if you didn’t like it the first time you tried it - chances are you’ll have a better experience if you have a therapist that suits you, practising a type of therapy that suits you.

Some people just feel uncomfortable, or embarrassed, or vulnerable, about discussing their issues with someone. That’s understandable - it can be a difficult thing to do! Some people don’t feel comfortable giving much information away, and some people even feel awkward that they were comfortable sharing information, because then they feel like they shared too much. There’s no easy solution to this, other than to keep going to therapy, and hope that it will get easier; if you have a good therapist who you can build a rapport with, it’s very likely that you’ll feel more relaxed about opening up as your sessions continue. It can be scary and awkward at first, but try to be as honest as possible, and perservere through a few sessions before you make any judgements on whether it’s working for you. 

In conclusion: therapy is an important, responsible thing to do for your health, so don’t let your negative thoughts stop you from taking care of yourself. Make another therapy appointment, and give it another try. And if you feel like quitting again, try to discuss it with your therapist before you just stop going; they may be able to help you figure out strategies for sticking with it. 

[demonic-alex]

I think I got what you mean. I guess this is a really complex topic, and there's no "one pill to cure it all", indeed. I'll be honest though, I sometimes get worried looking at all the people, often really young (like, 15-18), who think they are trans because they are uncomfortable with gender roles, or misinterpret their symptoms. It's none of my business of course, it's just sad. I guess it's not too much of a deal if they go with other name and pronouns online, or change their style, but if they get on hormones, it can really fuck up their health. I heard it's impossible to get hormones if you are not really trans, but tbh I doubt that. First, there's always "buying the diagnosis you want" thing, and then there's this "telling the doctor what's needed to get hormones" thing (that's one of the reasond I wondered why no one uses brain scans). Considering that, from what I see at least, "transphobe" became the new "communist", I can see doctors giving prescriptions instead of trying to see if the patient actually needs it or would benefit from psychological therapy more. Tbh I would be glad to hear all these fears are not real.

There's never a perfect fix for anything. Almost any medical condition you can think of can be faked to be diagnosed (and on the opposite side of the spectrum you can be misdiagnosed and then doctors will do their best to keep saying that is what you have, rarely finding that it was actually a misdiagnosis).

In general though those who get a diagnosis that isn't theirs, know what they're doing and know better. In order to fake your way into a diagnosis you have to know what is required of the real thing, and have to know that what you have isn't that, then you have to claim all these things you know are not true.

So for the majority, most people won't get much past the whole name, pronouns, clothing, thing. Expecially if they're under 18, as most childeren will only be at best given hormone blockers. Its possible to manage to get hormones before 18, but you'll need supportive parents and you still won't get it till around 16 or 17. An adult can get hormones easier, informed consent does exist for that, but you still have to talk to a doctor.

In any case to go farther then just social you have to, even for the easiest methods (informed consent with pro lgbt providers) still talk to a doctor that will inform you about all of the effects that it causes, ask about why you want it and what you want from it, do a full talk about everything involved in it (and do some bloodwork). If you manage to do all that talking and sign several pages worth of papers, then you either need it, or clearly don't care that you don't and know better.

The medical industry is already unfortunately difficult, to the point of refusing to treat people who do desperately need it. I'm not going to even pretend to say I'm sorry that I just don't feel sorry for anyone who purposely goes out of their way to get what they clearly don't need. Its like with anything else even remotely medical, people fake it. Fake service animals, which force people to either make it even harder for those who have a real one to just live a life, or to put up with a bunch of pets dressed up as service animals for fun. Fake pain to get pills for addictions. Fake disorders to get away with being an asshole or to get sympothy and money. It shouldn't come down to make the life of real people harder for those who chose to fake shit.

[kane-and-griffin]

ahhhhh kabby mom I'm so scared about Abby in these new episodes! I'm rlly happy she's back in the next ep but I'm already seing people hating on her in the tag even before they know what's gonna happen and comparing her to Lorelai Tsing(!?!) as if sacrificing 1 willing person to save the entire world is somehow the same as brutally painfully murdering 50 children just so you can go outside?? if its this bad NOW, is this season is gonna make the fandom hate Abby because this ALWAYS happens!! :(:(

I mean, if there are people who can’t tell the difference between Abby being emotionally devastated at merely ENTERTAINING THE VERY THOUGHT of taking one life deliberately even to save the entire human race, and Dr. Tsing coolly and calmly committing attempted genocide on innocent grounders and 50 children, then that’s not a person whose opinion on this show I feel like I really need to take all that seriously.  I’m sure there are people whose hate for Abby is such that they will find a way to make her a villain over this, and that’s exhausting as hell, and I feel like it’s sort of an individual judgment call for each of us whether we dig in and try to explain or just mute and block them all so we don’t have to see that shit.  But if you’re worried about this storyline because it’s going to make the fandom hate Abby, first of all, what I’d urge you to remember is that a great deal of that will go away if - as it definitely seems like the show is setting it up - Abby’s solution ends up being the solution that works.  If Abby actually does end up being the person who cracks Nightblood and saves the entire human race, if Abby’s the reason your fave is still alive for Season 5, then “but she still shouldn’t have done it” becomes a totally specious argument we can all happily ignore.  And it 100% appears at this point that that’s the direction we’re headed; Nightblood will work, but there will be complications (my guess is they’re going to need a ton more blood and that’s when Gaia becoming a Nightblood scout becomes plot-relevant), and then of course they’ll still need somewhere to ride out the storm, which means either Becca’s bunker, the lab if it’s radiation-proof, or wherever this Bill Cadogan story ends up going.  But the Nightblood is what’s going to make a Season 5 possible so they can actually, you know, go outside and walk around and repopulate the earth.  And they can’t get there without Abby. 

So if you’re concerned about people unreasonably demonizing her and the fandom being a shitshow, like I FEEL YOU MY DUDE but also all we can do is block and move on.

If what you’re worried about is whether the show ITSELF is in some way villainizing her, I really and truly don’t think that’s something we need to panic about either.  First of all, it’s hugely significant that what we see in the trailer is Abby agonizing over the decision, but we don’t see how that person in the tank comes to be there.  We haven’t seen Abby “there has to be another way” Griffin try to find another way.  (For example, does somebody volunteer?)  We haven’t seen the whole context of what leads up to that conversation over the radio, we haven’t heard all of what she says, we haven’t seen how the other characters - Kane, Clarke, Raven, Luna, Murphy, Roan, Jackson - respond or what their position is on this same issue.  But I don’t think they’re making her the bad guy, I think they’re setting her up as a conflicted and flawed hero, just like her daughter is, making the hard ugly choices that have to be made for everyone to survive, but busting her ass to try absolutely everything else first.

This is different from the ridiculous, out-of-character Raven slap, or all the characters at the beginning of S3 loudly announcing what a bad chancellor she was in order to move the chess pieces around to get the chancellor pin to Kane for plot reasons.  Those were bonehead writing choices that demonized Abby unnecessarily and they continue to annoy me (physical violence is anathema to Abby, this is a running thread, and obviously she was a pretty damn good chancellor since she’s the one who built Arkadia into a home and gave them three months of peace; so like, THOSE THINGS DIDN’T MAKE SENSE).  But this is a classic Abby conundrum.  I’d encourage you not to get pulled into listening to people compare her to Dr. Tsing, and to think about this in the context of the The Culling.  It was inarguably necessary that they needed to float a certain number of people in order to preserve oxygen.  But Abby tried everything else first.  She tried to convince the Council to wait for the kids to reestablish contact, for a decisive sign from the wristbands.  When that failed, she commandeered a Russian dropship and a Raven Reyes and sent her to Earth to report back.  When that failed, she released Jake’s tape to the whole Ark so everyone knew what was happening, to keep Kane and Jaha from killing all of Section 17 with no warning.  It worked by getting people to volunteer - that is, it became self-sacrifice and not murder - but all those people still died, because based on all the information they had, they TRULY believed that that was necessary for them to survive.  So we know who Abby Griffin is in these circumstances.  We know she doesn’t have the capacity to just stand back and watch, or hide behind the rules, and we know she feels every single one of those deaths acutely, and we know how hard she fights to preserve every life that she can.  So knowing what we now know - that Nightblood may be, like the Culling, the thing that needs to be done for humanity to survive - the question is how Abby will handle it. 

Yes, the Mt. Weather parallels are there - this season has been all about parallels with major events from past seasons.  But the important thing to note is that those parallels have all been flipped in some way.  For example, the Clarke/Jasper/Monty parallel to the Jaha/Clarke/Jake situation.  Clarke (in the Jaha slot) shocklashes and arrests Jasper (Jake) to keep him from telling everyone the truth, then Monty (Abby) runs over and shouts it out through the intercom anyway. So far, so good.  Nice clear parallel, right?  Except then what happens?  Clarke realizes she crossed a line and lets Jasper go.  She works hard to make it right with Jasper and Monty.  She doesn’t want to be the kind of leader, like Jaha, who could float his friends.  And then Arkadia burns a few episodes later, making the list moot.  So the parallel is set up the same way, and then switches direction.  We’ve seen a lot of these throughout the show so far, and they’ve all been switched up or turned on their head in some way.  So if they’re setting up a line between Abby and Dr. Tsing, the way they did between, say, Jasper and Jake, then the thing to watch for is how they pull the rug out from under us and flip that parallel in an unexpected way.  And my guess with Abby is that it’s going to be something to do with the idea of sacrifice or consent; can she convince someone to volunteer their life to help her make Nightblood?  Can she find another way?

Anyway, I’m not freaking out about this and I hope you don’t either.  I’m really excited when Abby is relevant to the plot - she got so shafted last year - and when we get to remember she’s not just Clarke’s mom and Kane’s girlfriend, she’s a brilliant scientific and medical genius who has a supercharged ALIE brain.  They’re setting her up to be the person who saves the day - as she so often is - and I’m here for it.  If people want to deliberately misinterpret her motives, I can’t stop them, but I’m ready for emotionally conflicted doctor hero Abby to save humanity.