#and i'm scared i'm gonna panic for my exam tomorrow

[cult-of-the-eye]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHF

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[roz-ani]

I don't want to spread panic or anything, but screw that, because I am scared as hell right now. Ukraine is actually being invaded, there are explosions, the airline has been closed, people are hiding underground, they're declaring martial law. I live in Poland, but according to all experts, it would take Russia about 2 days to takeover my country. I don't know what's gonna happen in the next few days or weeks and that is the worst. I'd love to have a definite answer: run or stay because the other option sounds ridiculous and we're safe for now. Maybe people living in the western part could say that, but I live and study not that far away from the border with Ukraine. And my brain keeps telling me "It's you, you're just an average person. That would not happen when you're alive, that's too big of an event". I imagine many people were saying that throughout history, not just during WWII. I'd love to joke that I have an exam tomorrow and I am not gonna pass it, but that's just a distraction, because it may not matter at all in a few weeks... And I know I'll most likely keep studying, watching YT, joking with my roommate about how stupid of us was to be afraid, because that sounds reasonable, optimistic. I have plans, I have to prepare for things, so does my family. I'm trying to dismiss the entire situation, because the world keeps telling me it would be overreacting and I do have a tendency to do that. It's all gonna 'calm down' soon and we'll keep living our average lives. I mean, I don't see bigger people on the internet worrying about anything, even in the slightest, so why should I? But I am. I can't imagine what the people of Ukraine are going through right now, how many of them want to run, but can't. How many of them know that the world just doesn't care...

[dianthus-sy]

Day 10.

It's technically the 11th of October as I'm writing at 00:03. But let's take it as the 10th.

so hiii peopleee. I hope that you're all in the best of your healths, and if not then you'll soon be.

I wanted to attach a picture of a page of the book that I'm reading - THE GREATNESS GUIDE 2 by ROBIN SHARMA. it's an amazing book. It'll give you all the purpose that you need in life. It'll definitely govern your life and bring you on the right track if you've somehow fallen.

And and and today is THE WORLD MENTAL HEALTH DAY.

Honestly, it shouldn't just be me writing on this particular day but every day. I've come across plenty of people who've been fighting to live better each day. Take me for an example. There's something I thought that I'd never share but I'm doing so. I'm coming forward so that I let go of all the things associated with it and be free of it fully. Last year, during the lockdown, I had panic attacks -not small, but major. Luckily, I'm still fine. I was on the verge of somatic illness. That year was very very difficult for me. I had to get through that, honestly speaking, alone. Because I was too scared that people wouldn't understand me. And people didn't. They just assumed it to be like any other anxiety, exam anxiety for example. But it wasn't like that. It was too overwhelming, it consumed me. I couldn't sleep at nights, I was constantly afraid. But I overcame that. My brother was there all through, he helped me get through it. I owe this to him. What I want to tell you is that at first people wouldn't understand you. But there are also people who would. There are a billion people telling you to fight your fight alone. If you ask me, you cannot do it alone. There has to be a person to guide you, to be there for you whenever you need somebody to rely upon. I found mine, you just have to find yours. I am willing to help anyone who's undergoing anything. I was an emotionally unstable person, but now I've grown, blossomed, and I'm proud of that. That darkness will never go away, you just have to show it that you're stronger than that. YOU'RE STRONGER THAN THAT.

Tell yourself that you'll make it past it every day. Tell yourself that you're beautiful no matter what. If you think that people won't love you because you're too fat, or you've got too much acne, or because you're a nerd, then you're absolutely wrong. People don't see that. They see the inner you, the true you, the not so perfect you. And if you're a good person, they'll automatically like you. Stop living for other people's likes and dislikes, it's time to focus on yourselves. YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVE THAT ABOUT YOU.

Also to all the men out there- I recently read it somewhere that women cry to let out their pain but men CAN'T. why can't you? Just because the society would think that you're too weak? That you're not 'THE MAN' everyone wants you to be? Stop falling for that, please. You can cry, you have a shoulder to cry upon. I fully support males who cry. It not cool to not cry and hide back your emotions. There aren't just two emotions that define a male. There are as many as there are for a female. Let it out. If not cry, let it out. Share with people, you'll feel relieved. I, for one, can hear everything you've got to say. I can help.

On this note, I'm gonna wish you all a very happy mental health day. Take care of yourselves and people around you. BE KIND, I ASK FOR NOTHING ELSE. Stop being a bitch to yourselves, and TREAT YOURSELF WITH KINDNESS FIRST.

(also I'm sorry for the typos, I'll check on that tomorrow, because right now I'm gonna sleep)

Stay innocent, stay young and stay happy for as long as you can. You matter a lot.

With a whole heart to share

Ghanishthta;;))

[cinnaminsvga]

what are your favorite fics you read for every member? like the ones that resonated and left you a changed woman when you finished. could be because of characterization, or plot, or nostalgia, just the ones that come first and easy for every member, like, the iconic ones for you. can be mxm. i'm asking cause i just read worldwide lonesome and. damb. just. i kinda feel like i read seokjin’s diary or something? like it felt invasive just bc of how REAL he felt, you feel me? so. i'm curious about u

this is such a loaded ask because honestly, i had to think really deeply about this!! there are so many fics out there that have changed me as a writer and as a person in general that its hard to pick just seven... but i’m glad you mentioned worldwide lonesome because that fic is definitely!! fucking!! up there!! it might actually be my #1 seokjin fic, so you already got me there. but man... i put a lot of thought into my answer because my reading list is a never-ending pool of queerness and angstiness, as those tend to resonate the most deeply with me (since i am, after all, both queer and angsty HAHAH) so uhhh... here i go!! (also i apologize that these are mostly mxm... weirdly enough, i’m kind of more affected by those bc i relate more to them than reader inserts for some reason... the world is bombarded with hetero representation, so excuse me for clinging to my sole source of queer love lmao)

➤ for seokjin:

worldwide lonesome by loindexter [yoonjin] - i already mentioned it, but MAN... this fic left me stunned. the characterization of seokjin is what gets me the most, and by god, i am a SUCKER for coming out stories. as a closeted queer person, i’ve always wondered what other people’s experiences are with coming to terms with their sexuality, and op really hits the nail on the head. seokjin in this fic just feels... so real. like you said, it almost felt like i was looking into his diary!! it was maddening and tearjerking and oh so fucking human... you could feel his turmoil as if it were your own... and yoongi!! dear god, yoongi... that sweet fool... this fic just struck a cord with me because of how intimate and vulnerable it felt. i really hope i can write a fic like that in the future.

➤ for yoongi:

here comes the sun by fruitily [yoonkook] - this was unequivocally the hardest decision i’ve ever had to make in my life, mostly because i’ve read a plethora of yoongi fics in my day and it is quite literally so difficult to pin down a singular fic that changed me the most as a person. the reason i chose this certain fruitily fic (op will always be my biggest writing idol... if i could, i’d list down their entire masterlist as my favorite yoongi/jungkook fics of all time) because of the emotions it made me feel. there’s always something a bit sad about summer romances, and i’ve always been a sucker for that sort of trope because of the many possibilities you can do with it. it’s just... the way yoongi was portrayed here was just so darn REAL,,, you could almost physically feel his increasing want, his slow realization that yes, he does love the bucktoothed kid from summer camp. i absolutely adore the interactions he has with all the characters, because you can almost fool yourself into thinking he’s a real person. he’s a friend, and you’re watching him come to terms with what it means to love someone you only see once a year. dear lord i love that dude i’m gonna go cry now!!

(also bc i’m cheating but i also recommend the nights really were made for saying things you can't say tomorrow day by siderum... first yoonkook fic i ever read and dare i say it literally changed me as a person. there are no words.)

➤ for hoseok:

depaysement by 1honeypot (oilblotter/obiwrites) - okay i know this is fucked up for me to recommend a fic that doesn’t even exist on the internet anymore (op deleted her account on tumblr and has moved to ao3 but she’s never gonna reupload this fic again unfortunately) but MAN i still remember that fic to this day. it was so fucking GOOD and it made me realize the potential reader fics had that i never knew was possible. the entire plot was the usual make-over cliche (popular trendy girl makes the nerd hot yadah yadah yadah) that i had thought wouldn’t be interesting, but op managed to turn that trope into her own. it was hilarious, hot, moving, relatable... just ticking off every point that makes a fic great. i miss that fic so dearly and if you were some of the lucky few who managed to read it when it was still around... i think you all understand.

➤ for namjoon:

beta tau sigma by bazooka [namjin] - i cannot count the amount of times i’ve reread this fic. like, no joke, i probably memorize a few of the chapters from rereading it alone. holy fuck,,, as you can tell, i have a pattern when it comes to my fave fics and it’s all about: GAY PANIC THE MUSICAL!! yea... i just really like fics about self-discovery because MAN as a young adult traversing the mysteries of human nature and sexuality, i sincerely relate to namjoon in this fic. “am i gay, or am i just gay for my best friend?” is a question i have asked myself NUMEROUS times... dear god, namjoon is just a walking catastrophe and i!! could not!! relate!! more!! the plot flow and immersion you get from this fic is out of this world. you almost feel like you’re in the same frat as them!! i also love the way op made even the side characters have their own story arcs and backgrounds... they are what inspired me to give life to even the smallest of characters bc it just heightens the reading experience imo!! they really do feel like your friends in this fic, and this fic will always be my sources of comfort.

➤ for jimin:

darling, just say you’ll say by tusaisbts [yoonmin] - have i not sung this fic enough praises? i know it looks weird from the premise... cowboys? mail order brides? i thought it was odd at first too, but believe me when i say you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. jimin’s growth as a character here left me absolutely speechless!! i just love his development: from a scared stranger dropped off in the middle of nowhere to a smart and capable teacher who can hold his own in this small rural town. i especially love how he interacts with yoongi, because op really makes you want to root for them. you want them to fall in love, to make their relationship work out. that yearning for two characters to get together is something i want my own readers to feel, and there aren’t enough words in my vernacular to explain how happy i was when everything turned out well. and jfc... rancher yoongi? got me so fucking hot n bothered and now i will forever be enamored by the thought of rugged yoongi... jfc...

➤ for taehyung (& jimin!!):

mudlands & yellow acacia by nonheather [vmin] - i remember the day i read this like it was yesterday. i had a final to study for, but instead i read this entire thing in one go and then i cried my eyes out even until the moment i walked into my exam room. i don’t know how else to describe this other than it was otherworldly. it was cozy. it was heartbreaking and magical and downright lovely. i especially loved the way taehyung was here... so fucking whipped for park jimin. he loved like no other man could, and jimin might have been a little too bullheaded at first, but they make it out okay. i’m not really one to believe in soulmates, but this fic almost made me believe they could be. it made me yearn for the first time, and i think that counts for something. to love another person and to have them love you back... op made me believe in love. 

➤ for jungkook:

years since you’ve been here by ameliabedelias [namkook] - okay maybe i’m just a crybaby and i cry at every fic under the sun but dear god this fic... might be The Fic That Changed Me As A Person. like, of course the other fics were mindblowing but this one in particular... wow. trampled all my expectations and caused a garden to bloom in my heart. jungkook is so sweet, so lost... he feels too much and he aches for namjoon. i know all too well that feeling of melancholy... when you love someone you’re not supposed to. coming of age stories will always have a soft spot in my heart, because i always tend to project myself onto the main characters. i want to grow and find my own destiny. i want to learn and be happy. jungkook finds his way, tumbles and trips the entire time, but he gets there. a symbol of queer triumph.

[irwinscuddlebuddy]

...no ones surprised

[omg-just-peachy]

I have an exam tomorrow and I'm really nervous so I'm gonna distract myself by sending you a prompt, no pressure to fill it though! Steve gets injured on a mission while Tony's away on a business trip, then Steve's in the hospital and he hears his worried husband in the hallway saying he needs to see Steve now, and then there's kisses and cuddles :) Established relationship fluff is so good :D

It IS so good, anon! Good luck on your exam! i hope you enjoy this little ficlet once you’re done studying or taking your test tomorrow!

“Are you kidding me? Come on, you know who I am!” Tony’s voice reverberates through the otherwise quiet hallway of the hospital. If anyone hadn’t known who he was before, they sure would after this.

“My husband is in there. Yes that Stark, how many do you know!?” Tony’s voice is ragged, caught somewhere between frustrated annoyance and panic now, loud and worried enough that it makes Steve’s eyes flutter open, squinting blearily up at the too-bright lights.

An overwhelming sense of relief washes over him when he registers that it’s Tony outside the door, wants to call out to the nurses that yes, they were married, and no they hadn’t gone public with it yet, but he sure does regret not listening to Tony when he insisted they do just that. But, wait. Tony shouldn’t even be here. He was supposed to be in London. Or Shanghai. Maybe it was Tokyo… Steve’s head feels swimmy again, and suddenly more sleep sounded so good. He’d been hit with something in a battle, but that was all he knew. Fury was supposed to come by later and give him the details since he was still a little fuzzy on what had exactly happened. Steve shudders at the thought. Maybe Tony knew what happened and Fury wouldn’t have to come after all… God, all he wanted was for Tony to be here, in his room and in the bed with him. Everything would be okay, then.

“He’s my husband, Rogers-Stark, look AGAIN!” Tony’s pissed; Steve isn’t too out of it to understand that much. “I’ll make another donation if you would just-”

The door nearly flies off the hinges with the force of Tony’s entrance into Steve’s room, but neither of them registers the damage. Tony is at Steve’s side too fast to think about anything else just then.

“Tony,” Steve says warmly, though his eyebrows come together in confusion. “You were away. You’re not supposed to be here… S’posed to be… um….” He trails off, uncertain blue eyes meeting Tony’s, hoping he could fill in the blanks.

“I was in Hong Kong, but it doesn’t matter. Honey, Natasha called me, you jumped in front of a building? What were you doing? You don’t have a suit of armor, Steve! You might have super strength, but that doesn’t matter if you’re crushed underneath something!” Tony’s voice is desperate.

“There were kids in there, Tony, I didn’t have a choice,” Steve murmurs, eyes falling shut when one of Tony’s hands finds it way into his hair, the other cradling Steve’s face like it was something precious.

“A concussion. Four broken ribs. Steven, please. Promise you’ll wait until I’m in the country next time before you go diving in front of falling edifices, hm?” Tony tries for a smile but it fails about halfway, never quite meeting his eyes. Because there would be a next time, they both knew that, but that didn’t mean it would ever get any easier.

Steve hums a sleepy agreement, looking like he was mere minutes from sleep. 

“C’mere. Make sure m’all in one piece?” Steve must be feeling banged up if he was talking like that, but it’s all the invitation Tony needs before he’s squeezing himself carefully into the bed beside his husband, burying his face in Steve’s neck and running his hands down the length of his chest, as if taking inventory, making sure for himself that Steve really was all in one piece. He kisses Steve just then, a chaste press to his dry lips, a thank you, a thank god, a never scare me like this again kind of kiss that Steve smiles into. 

“Nurse Meanie out there isn’t going to like this,” Tony says, but he’s kissing the words into Steve’s cheek, and he sure as hell isn’t going to be moving any time soon. He feels Steve give a tired little shrug, turning his face so it was resting against Tony’s chest, curling into him as best he could with his broken ribs.

Tony would write two checks, if it came down to it. He rests a hand on Steve’s chest, satisfied by the steady rhythm beneath, and closes his eyes.

[babylon-bitch]

Just Friends ~ I'm Late (part 35)

A/N: I’ve been really inactive all week, I’ve been busy writing this and an imagine, it’s currently at 5k+ I’m really liking it so far. I said it’d be out this week but it will probably be out next week, if not the week after. Sorry it’s taken so long :/

Harper White is best friends with Luke Hemmings, they always have been. Not only is she friends with the rockstar, but with the rest of 5 Seconds Of Summer, as well as a really nice girl named Erika.

Harper has a few secrets, she can play all the instruments the boys play and many more. It’s a talent she has kept hidden, only very few people know.

What will happen to the six teens, wondering around the world together?

***

I’ve had an awful week, I’ve been sick, but only in the morning then the rest of the day my stomach hurts, I have a headache, I’m always tired, and weirdly, my boobs hurt a lot.

I’ve been really stressed recently too, revising for exams. My driving test has been stressing me out, my driving instructer is a total dick. Very strict and I don’t know how he became a driving instructer because he has some serious road rage problems. I have to stifle a laugh at some of the things he says.

Luke has been really worried about me, saying I should go to the doctor, but even if I was throwing up blood, I’d still not go to the doctors. Luke claims that it should be over, it’s nearly been a week. I don’t know, sometimes it feels as if I’m feeling better then in a couple of hours I feel like shit again.

Rushing out of bed and into the bathroom and vomiting, I lean on the toilet, waiting for more to come. Here it is, I hold my hair back as I vomit my guts out, one again. I think I’m finished, so I brush my teeth to get the taste out of my mouth.

I open the bathroom door and I’m met by the sun blinding me and my mum. “Hello?” I squint.

“How long have you been sick for?” She dives straight in.

“All week.” I answer but it comes out as a question

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She questions.

“Didn’t think it was necessary, I’m 18 I can deal with being ill myself. Now if you excuse me, I’m gonna go back to bed.” I huff.

I’ve been having a lot of mood swings too, maybe I’m gonna have a monster period.

“Why don’t you go to the doctors?” She asks.

“I don’t need to, I’m only sick. Now see you in a bit.” I wave and close my door. I hear her mumble something but choose to ignore it and face plant my bed. I feel so ill, but I can eat fine, even more than I usually eat.

“Luke’s here.” In hear someone shout.

I wait for him to come up and I still have my face against my sheets, struggling to breathe.

“How are you feeling, babygirl?” A familiar voice asks.

I groan in response and I hear him chuckle, I’m not really into talking right now. “I take that as no difference.”

“I’ve already been sick this morning and my mum found out too.” I tell him.

“You mean you didn’t tell her?” He asks.

“No, why would I?” I question.

“Because she’s your mother maybe?”

“Whatever.” I mutter and finally turn around onto my back. “I’ve been ill for a week, when will this stop?”

“When is your period due?” He questions.

“Tomorrow, I think.” I answer and he nods.

I decide to freshen up and get in the shower, changing into some gym shorts the type you wear in volleyball, a very thin graphic tee crop top, with a sports bra underneath.

Work out gear is so comfy.

I brush my hair through and just leave it, not even doing my parting. Putting on a little concealer, mascara and blush so I don’t look so dead.

Walking into my bedroom and look for some trainer socks because my feet are cold.

I’ve got loads of school stuff to do and then Erika and I are meeting up to do some work to our book. Sitting down in my deskchair and starting some chemistry homework.

“I believe you have a guest.” Luke claims.

“Well you were on your phone,” I tell him.

“Shut up.”

“I’ve got a load of homework and revision and shit to do. I’m not gonna be any fun.” I shrug.

“I’ll be on the roof.”

“Do you know how weird that sounds?” I laugh.

Luke kisses my forehead before walking out of my bedroom. I haven’t been able to kiss Luke at all this week, only on the forehead and cheek, and I appreciate that he doesn’t makeout with my cheek.

After an hour and a bit I get board of chemicals so I decide to find Luke, if he’s here still that is.

Taking the easy route that the boy’s don’t know about and go into the loft and then through that window. Closing the loft door behind me and stepping on a box to reache the window, opening that to as far as it goes and closing that behind me.

Walking over to where Luke is and sitting next to him, dangling my feet over the roof. “Where the fuck, did you come from?” He questions after a minute or two of silence.

“I’m magic.” I smirk.

“Magic ways of making me fall in love with you.” He says and I blush and giggle.

“Always so cheesy, Hemmings.” I rest my head on his shoulder.

“You love it.” He laughs as he puts his arm around me.

“What have you been up to whilst I was in my room?” I ask.

“I’ve been writing a song.” He tells me and picks up his acoustic that has a smiley face on it, drawn by me.

“Now, where the fuck did that come from?” I question.

“I went home quickly and then came back.” He explains.

“Oh.”

“I’m stuck with the transition from the chorus and then the next verse, I can’t get it to be smooth.” Luke frustratedly states.

I tell him some chords and his face lights up, he tries it and it sounds great. “How did you know that?” He asks.

“I think you’ve forgotten I’ve been with you when you learnt guitar, you’d always tell me about the stuff you’d learnt.”

“Oh yeah, I did, didn’t I?” He smiles at the memory.

“Yeah, it was quite interesting though.”

“Y-”

“No, I’ve told you this before and I’m going to tell you one more time, I’m not learning to play.” I cut him off.

“You’d be good at it though.” He claims.

Damn right I am.

“Luke.” I warn.

“Just keep it in mind and I’ll be your sexy guitar teacher, that you can sleep with all the time.” Luke smirks.

“I think I’d get Michael to teach me.”

“Uh no, you wouldn’t.”

***

I’m late, like really late.

A week late and I’m rarely late, I thought I was just stressed and all but it’s been 6 days. I’m starting to get nervous because a couple of weeks ago, Luke and I did the deed and didn’t use a condom, I am on birth control but I know for a fact that I’ve forgotten to take it some days.

I haven’t told Luke or anyone yet, I’m scared as fuck. Luke is still 17, he’s not even a legal adult, there’s no way he would stay with me if I had a child. If I am pregnant, I’m probably not gonna keep it.

Now that I think about it, being sick in the mornings, tender breasts, feeling sick a lot, mood swings, but that could also be period symptoms, besides being sick in the morning.

Maybe I should just call Luke and I will take a test, just to be sure. I’ve been crying all morning, it was hard being in school whilst that happened, I skipped geography and went to a secluded part of the school to cry. I was laying in bed at night, starting to panic, because of the possibility that I could be pregnant. Then I thought about it and I’ve been a shaking, worrisome, terrified, over analysing mess.

Picking up my phone and clicking on Luke’s contact, waiting for Luke to pick up. “Hey babe, I’m with the guys ri- NO, MY BALL, you’re hacking.” Luke gets distracted.

“Luke.” I sob.

“Woah, Harp, what’s wrong?” He questions, concern filling his voice.

“Please, c-come over, we n-need to talk.” I stutter.

“Okay, I’ll be there in a minute.” He tells me.

“Don’t hang up, please.” I beg.

“Okay, it’s alright, baby.” He soothes.

“What’s going on?” Someone that sounds like Michael asks.

“I don’t know, Harper seems upset, I don’t know when I’ll be back.” He tells them, whilst I continue to cry into the phone.

“Um, okay, I hope she is alright.”

“Yeah, I’ll be back later, bye.” Luke says to the guys and I here him sigh. “Hey, Harper, it’s alright, calm down, I’ll be there in a matter of seconds.”

I sniffle and wipe my smudged mascara.

Within seconds the door bell goes off and I race down the stairs, swinging the door open and collapsing into Luke, he quickly wraps his arms around me. “What’s up?” He whispers in my ear.

I try to form a sentance but no words come out and I breakdown again. “C'mon.” Luke sighs and picks me up, I wrap my legs around his waist and continue to sob into his shoulder.

Luke sets me down on his lap and he sits on my bed. “Gorgeous, I’d love to help you, but I need to know what’s wrong.” Luke says.

“I’m late.” I wipe away my tears away, trying to compose myself again.

“To what? I’m sure you can get there if you leave.” He chuckles.

“No, Luke, my period is late.” I confess and his eyes widen.

“By how much?” He gulps nervously.

“6 days, but if you t-think about it, I’ve been having morning sickness, all the pregnancy symptoms.”

“But we’ve been safe.” He furrows his eyebrows.

“Remember a couple of weeks ago we didn’t have any protection?” I question.

“But you said that you were on the pill.”

“Yeah, but I forget to take it sometimes.” I sigh.

“Have you told anyone else?” He asks.

“No, I’ve been too nervous.”

“Why don’t we go out and get some tests, then see what happenes.” Luke suggests.

“Okay, let me just freshen up and put on some trousers.”  I mutter and get off his lap, going into the bathroom, putting on some perfume on, brushing my teeth, cleaning up my tears, deciding to go make up free and last but not least, I put on some black leggings.

“Ready?” Luke questions.

I know that inside he is probably panicking as much as I am, but from the outside he looks so calm. I can see right through your smile Hemmings.

“Yeah,” I nod and put on some shoes before walking the door.

“It’s gonna be alright, despite the outcome.” Luke smiles down at me and intwines our fingers.

“Will you stay with me?” I ask the question that has been hovering over me. Luke looks a mixture of being offended and a ‘are you serious’ look.

“Of course, I’d be with you if you were a zombie, I never want to leave you. Plus this possible baby is mine, right?” He panicks a little bit.

“Yes, or course,” and now its my turn to give him a ‘are you serious’ look.

“I had to make sure.” He jokes.

Classic Luke, trying to make me smile whatever the situation.

“If-if you are pregnant, will you keep it?” He asks.

“Do you want me to?” I question.

“It’s your body so it’s totally your choice.” He claims.

“I probably won’t, I’ve got a f-future, I can hardly go to uni if I’ve got a child to look after. I’m not ready, maybe in ten years but definitely not now.”

“When would you want to have a child? Preferably with me.”

“Ten years, probably in my late twenties, we’ve only been going out for 5 or 6 months, we’re too young to have any responsibilities of that kind, you’re not even a legal adult yet. To be honest, I’ve never really thought about having children with you, of course I’d want to, but it’s never crossed my mind.” I explain.

“I don’t think that our relationship in numbers count, we’ve known each other practically all our lives, so I think when we are the right age, we’ll have children, not when we’ve been dating for a significant amount of time.” He points out.

“That’s very true. When would you want to have children?” I ask.

“Mid/late twenties maybe, when ever you’re ready to be honest.” He answers.

“Here it is,” I say as we walk into the shop. “This is so weird, I’ve never done this before, actually yeah I have, I went with Erika once.”

“Erika thought she was pregnant?” Luke questions.

“Yeah, she wasn’t though.” I explain.

“Should we get a couple, just to make sure?” Luke questions.

“Uh sure,” I nod my head, starting to panic again.

“Hey, it’s alright, I’m here.” Luke cooes and rubs the small of my back.

“I know, it’s just I’m eighteen, I’m not ready to even think about being a mum. How could we be so irresponsible?”

“We made a mistake but we learn from our mistakes.” He states.

“Ugh it’s gonna be so awkward buying these.” I groan as I pick up two prefnancy tests.

“Why don’t you put an act on, it will be funny, I’ll give you a backstory. You and your sexy husband, Luke Hemmings have been trying for a baby. You’re 29 and you think your finally pregnant. Go.” He tells me and pushes me towards the counter by my ass.

I’ll be staying away from sex for a while, I can tell you that.

“Hey, you need to come with me.” I tell him.

“Ugh, fine, but I need a backstory.”

“You are a 28 year old idiot, oh wait, you already are. You’re a 32 year old male and are dating a hot 29 year old, called Harper White. Oh you’ve got an interest in My Little Pony. That gets all the ladies.”

“I’m 32, dating you, a 27 year old and I’ve got an interest in My Little Pony.” He concludes.

“Let’s go see if I’m pregnant.” I exclaim and Luke chuckles.

Luke puts his arm around me and we go pay for these.

The lady at the check out gave us a funny look but I just ignored her and put the pregnancy tests into my bag.

“I am so nervous.”

We’re at my house now and I’m so fucking worried, and kind of ashamed.

“Well I guess I should find out what my future holds.” I sigh.

Taking one test with me and closing the door behind me. Taking the pregnancy test out of the box and reading the instructions. I finally build up enough confidence to just take it.

I do my business on the stick and I put the cap on, placing it on the counter. I sit on the toilet lid as I wait, a million thoughts going through my mind, 1 second feels like one minute.

I never thought I’d be taking a pregnancy test at eighteen, let alone ever, I’ve never really seen myself getting married or having children. I wouldn’t be upset if I was pregnant in the right time, in the future, but it’s never been my scene.

My hands are shaking, my heart is beating so fast and I’m pretty sure England can hear it, a million thoughts going through my mind, I probably look as if I’ve seen a ghost.

Time should be up by now and I’m just not ready, I can’t do this. “Luke.” I call out and open the door.

“Yeah?” He questions, his breath hitching as he walks onto the landing.

“I can’t look at it, I need you to look at it.” I claim

“Okay, baby.” He nods.

Probably not the best nickname to use right now.

Luke wraps his arm around me and pulls me into an embrace. He picks up the pregnancy test with his arm still around me and his breathing picks up. “What do two lines mean?” He questions.

I burst out crying into his chest. Luke quickly puts the test down and wraps his other arm around me, one rubbing up and down my back and the other in my hair.

“Hey, it’s gonna me alright, we can get through this.” He whispers into my ear.

“How is it going to be okay? We’re fucking pregnant, I’m 18 your 17, we can’t have a baby.” I claim.

“Are pregnancy tests always 100%?”

“Not all the time, but it’s quite rare for them to be wrong.” I tell him.

“Why don’t you take the other one, just to be sure?” He suggests.

“What’s even the point?” I mutter.

“Come on Harper, now isn’t the time to mope around, we need to find this out.” Luke sighs.

I nod, knowing he is right.

“I’ll um, leave you to it.” He awkwardly says, and if I wasn’t in this state, I would’ve laughed at him.

I nod and fill a glass up with water before downing, and waiting for it to pass through.

After a while I do the test again, this time it isn’t as bad as last time, but it’s still terrifying. After the time period is up, I timidly look at it and it comes back as negative.

The fuck?

“Luke,” I call him.

“Yeah?” He asks as he walks in, a terrified look on his face.

“It’s negative.”

“But, what?” He questions.

“I don’t know, we’re gonna have to book an appointment, I’m not going through the stress of taking a fucking pregnancy test again.”

“Yeah, okay, do you think we’ll able to book an appointment now for tomorrow?” He asks.

“It’s half five, so probably, I’m not sure about tomorrow though.” I answer.

“Who’s gonna do it?” Luke asks.

“I should probably do it because I am possibly carrying our child.” I sigh.

I take my phone out of my pocket and phone the hospital.

After 10 minutes it’s all booked and surprisingly enough, I’ve got a slot for tomorrow.

“Okay, we’ve got an appointment at 1:15 tomorrow afternoon. Is that alright?”

“Uh, yeah I think so.” He nods.

“Whats happening at 1:15 tomorrow?” Someone asks and I drop my head onto Luke’s chest, letting out a groan.

“Whats wrong with her?” Michael asks.

“Dunno.” He shrugs and wraps his arms around me.

“So what’s happening tomorrow?” Calum asks.

“Uh, Harper and I are… going on a date.” He trails off.

“Romantic.” I mutter and he squeezes me.

“But Harper doesn’t like going on dates.” Erika points out.

“Trying something new.” He covers.

“Oh, like your sex positions?” Ashton asks.

“The fuck?” I question.

“Just leave us alone, we have… things to sort out, nothing that concerns you guys.”

“What things?” Mike asks.

“Nothing that concerns you.” I say as I walk out of my room and make my way down into the kitchen.

“Harper, can I talk to you for a minute?” Someone asks and I quickly turn around, being met my Maddie.

“Oh, hello, I was wondering where you were.” I smile.

“Do you have a minute?” She questions.

“Um, yeah sure.” I shrug and I sit on the counter, Maddie sitting on the island opposite me.

“I’m going to go ask/show you something.” She starts off. “So I found this on Twitter about 10 minutes ago, not many people have seen it, yet.”

Maddie plays a video of Luke and I at the shop we went to, it’s more of just audio, but at some parts you can see us. You can literally hear us, word by word talking about it all, they must’ve been on the other isle, or even behind us. We must’ve been so caught up in the moment and didn’t check our surroundings.

“So…” Maddie trails off.

“Um uh.” I stutter. Do I tell her? I guess I should seek some female help, I definitely can’t ask my mum, because of obvious reasons, Erika wouldn’t be able to keep her mouth shut. I haven’t really done anything like this with Maddie so now’s my chance I guess. “I may or may not be pregnant.” I quietly say.

“Have you taken the test yet?” She questions.

“Uh, y-yes, one came out positive and the other came out negative.” I tell her.

“What are you gonna do?”

“I literally just booked a doctor’s appointment and then we’ll see what happens. I’m not gonna keep it, I don’t have time for a baby right now. I don’t even know if I want children in the future, let alone one now. I’m 18 for Christ sake. Are you disappointed in me or us?”

“Of course not, I could never think bad of you guys. What happened? Failed condom, unprotected sex? What birth control do you use?” She asks.

“Why?” I question.

“Need to take notes.” She claims.

“Maddie,” I can’t help but laugh, “you’re gay, you aren’t going to get pregnant with Erika anytime soon.”

“Oh yeah.”

“Anyway, it was unprotected sex, I feel so stupid and ashamed.” I groan.

“Don’t be ashamed, I’ve had a pregnancy scare before. I’ve only done it with a dude once and I’ve never gone back after that,” she laughs. “No, but I had a scare, had to take a pregnancy test, it came back negative. I think it’s more common than you think.”

“Thanks Maddie.” I smile.

“What will you do if you are pregnant?” She asks.

“I probably won’t keep it, but I just know I’m gonna get an overwhelming feeling of guilt.”

[zouisexo]

(: the L in my name (lesbian) stands for Lè dumbass