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ask-mortarion-the-death-lord · 3 years

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cause ive always liked fire emblem, and cause the questions rested on my head before, the primarchs in fire emblem classes:

lion = paladin. its the most traditionally knightly class, and well the lions never really been depicted on horses or in relation to fast vehicles all that often, the paladin class is more so marked by balanced stats and a sharp increase to res so i feel confidant in giving him a mounted class like the paladin.

fulgrim = swordmaster. lightly armored very fast class, well its limited to just swords for the most part i feel that also suits fulgrims perfectionist nature since as a class its largely about perfecting that one weapon often getting special perks for doing so. plus in terms of outfits swordmasters are one of the more fashionable or exotic classes which also suits fulgrims tendency to extravagant dress.

perturabo = great knight. at first i thought general since its a very representative defensive class, heavy armour, used by enemy armies alot, best used in defensive roles, all that stuff. but on reflection great knight kinda works a bit better, since the iron warriors also notably use a lot of vehicles. this gives perturabo both high defensive properties but decent mobility like his copious tanks without being as high as say a paladin or bow knights mov to represent perts preference for terminator armour.

jaghatai = nomad trooper/bow knight. i specify nomad trooper because it better gells with the whole Mongol thing the khans got going on, but bow knight is also the more common variation of this class. regardless, its a more speed aligned mounted class capable of using swords and bows, that has the khans name all over it.

lemen = warrior. the russ is typically portrayed with axes, has a viking theme, and well hes 'uga uga barbarian' he also strives to try and be better then that. its another easy fit really, even if bows arent particularly fitting for russ but then that also does help to emphasize the sortta duality of the russ as a savage reveling in it whos also embarrassed by it to some extent.

rogal = hero. its not a defensive class like the general but it is the more defensive counterpart to the swordmaster usually, and rogals usually not shown to be wearing terminator armour. aside from that its something of a flexible class used by shady mercs and noble knights in equal measure, so it can work with both an air of practicality and luxury well.

konrad = trickster. assassin seems like the better choice since it jives more with konrad visually speaking, konrad also has psychic powers that let him see the future. thus trickster works a bit better i feel to represent that, placing him in a thief promotion well also giving him access to magic. i thought of dread fighter as well, but konrads not known for sending out warp bolts so the tricksters support magic works better for konrads future sight.

sanguinius = falcon knight. a female dominated class, ignoring that stipulation fire emblem pegasi have the unicorn thing where their atleast rumored to only accept the pure hearted as riders, and well i wouldn't call any primarch pure hearted neither are many of the pegasus knights in fire emblem so it works thematically without being a hard requirement. also, wings and a flying class thats focused on speed and has also at times had access to support magic. another obvious fit for all intents and purposes.

ferrus = blacksmith. thank god for fates giving me this out, well ferrus does wear terminator armour he also notably relies on his arms metal coating to protect that so i feel more confidant in giving him blacksmith which is a defensive class but not a heavy armour class if that makes sense. also, overlap of professions which putting aside the terminator armour stuff does make this the otherwise obvious choice for ferrus.

angron = berserker. the class is pretty much all attack and speed no defense, relying on high health to tank hits. well its usually locked to axes, angron usually uses axes to thats fine, and well its also a class mostly associated with bandits and barbarian and tribal looks its also a class that gets a lot of association with gladiators and arenas so it works in that sense as well.

roboute = hero, great lord. not totally happy with this one so im giving myself multiple outs on it. hero i feel works in a visual sense but its doubling up on rogals, well great lord works better in terms of who roboute is but its pushing roboute into the definitive protagonist class of fire emblem. settled on great lord eventually both because its the protagonist class, and because well its a class capable of defending itself their both usually not the best fighter and also need to be handled carefully or else cause a game over due to dying,

mortarion = oni savage. a defensive class specialized in using axes but which does have access to magic use. it fits in that mortarion prides himself on endurance and physical strength well shunning magic, despite having had training and education in magic himself and arguably because of who taught him. plus visually the class is designed to look intimidating and wears a mask, both vague enough applications to mortarion.

magnus = sorcerer. also called druid, dark sage, or dark bishop. i thought of maybe basara since its a class with access to physical weapons, but i decided sorcerer for two main reasons. first, magnus relies heavily on his magic over his physical fighting skills by primarch standards. second, darks magic which sorcerers specialize in have the narratively appropriate connotations in fire emblem for magnuses character. as dark magic in fe is both a dangerous dark force used by evil wizards to summon dark gods or cast curses, and a neutral force of nature that can be researched and understood like a science, used like a science to consume enemies in black holes even. it is the perfect magic to give the "its not a phase dad, its a science! -consumed by dark forces-" character in essence.

horus = general. perfect class for horus less because of its defensive properties or role as a defensive class, but more so because of what it arguably symbolizes and how horus is the primarch next to perturabo who wears the most terminator of terminator armour. namely that general is the class most frequently used by enemy bosses and commanders in fire emblem, often by one of the head honchos or a minion of said honcho. in that sense, its the perfect class to have the warmaster and arch traitor of the imperium in.

lorgar = war monk. religiously affiliated class that wields an axe, and already a perfect fit for that alone. the war monk class also has access to support magic with jives with lorgar unlocking psychic power through his studies of daemonology and the chaos gods, and also his own psychic visions. my only concern is that to access war monk regularly you have to be in the priest class beforehand [unless your a prepromote] which jives with lorgars history but is also a class locked to support magic, but for a primarch im willing to let it slide.

vulkan = wyvern lord. vulkans another character in terminator armour, but i feel wyvern lord works better. not because vulkans known for flying mind you, but more so because wyvern lords a defensive flying class, involves a a dragon, and because wyverns in fe are difficult to tame mounts but ones that are fiercely loyal and protective of their riders if said rider treats them well. which fits into vulkans friendly, by primarch standards, attitude.

corvus = assassin. well corvus also uses psychic powers to turn invisible, i felt giving trickster to konrad worked better because konrad was more active and constant in his use of psychic powers well corvus tried to avoid using his power as much as possible from what i remember. as such that left corvus with the more physically aligned thief promotion which i enjoy as a sort of 'delightful irony' since the assassin aesthetic better suits konrad.

alpharius/omegon = halberdier. feeling blessed that alpharius omegon have largely been presented as using lances cause it makes this a lot easier. well the ao twins are masters of a sneaky legion themselves, importantly the alpha legion favours infiltration and disguise over sneaking about. and what better disguise then as the promotion of the most generic of classes the soldier class. its a lance locked class, but i feel thats a good enough trade off for the inconspicuous murder angle. and the soldier class is if nothing inconspicuous/cannon fodder.

and bonus malcador and emperor!

malcador = sage. even putting aside that malcadors claim to fame is being a psyker, sage works in relation to the fire emblem trope of wise and crinkly old sages [the gotoh archtype as its referred to] which malcador fits on like a glove.

emperor = emperor, baron, master knight. the emperor class is indeed a thing, and im specifically thinking of the fe4 emperor class which could utilize every weapon and magic outside of light magic and dark magic. aside from that the emperor class was also a heavy armour class which... i dont remember if the emperors wearing terminator armour but it does gel with the emperor being fukin big. the barons an alternative thats basically the same as the emperor class if a bit weaker, and master knights the mounted variation that has access to light magic.

#warhammer #primarchs #emperor #malcador

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fantroll-purgatory · 4 years

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@itoshiki

hello! im submitting my sort-of-trollsona-but-not-really. I made him I guess more Alternian and he’s highly personal 2 me but that shouldn’t discourage you! I’m stuck at some parts because I just recently got back into homestuck and I’d like advice from someone who knows their stuff. IT’S SO LONG IM SO SORRY… Thank you so much if you do review it tho!

Hey no worries. Thanks for your patience!

Hell yeah hell yeah ceruleanbloods with Eye Stuff.

World: Alternia, maybe an AU? I’m unsure. But he’s Alternian.

Name: Sancti Serpus

“Sancti” comes from “Saint” and his belief that he can do no wrong, as well as how he believes that his experiments benefit troll society. “Serpus” comes from “Serpent” and his personality being sly and manipulative, could be described as a snake by others in the way he is first nice to his friends but backstabs them later, as well as his lusus being a two-headed Titanoboa (prehistoric Boa).

I understand the reasoning behind the first name! If you want something that plays a little more into the archetypal Mad Scientist “I will become a GOD AHAHAHAHA” vibe then I suggest Apoteu from the Greek apotheoun, meaning “to make a god of.” Still fits his beliefs about himself and how he benefits society…but there is such a thing a vengeful, malevolent god.

I like the serpent theme, especially given the Rod of Asclepius/Caduceus confusion, given that the former is about medicine and the latter about commerce. Plus snake oil salesman as duplicitous people claiming they have a cure when they’re really just selling you whatever they could dig up. Serpus is a little too obvious as a snake troll though, so maybe we abstract that a bit. A slightly silly one would be Davdav, since the longest-living two-headed snake is named Double Dave after its discoverer.

Apoteu Davdav. It has the opposite of a nice ring to it, but I like it because it sounds kind of mad sciencey.

Age: 7.5 Sweeps (16 Human Years)

Theme/Story: His theme is sort of Mad Scientist vibes. He dabbles in forensic pathology, chemistry (even though he often explodes things), troll biology/genes and psychology. Those are his main 5 branches because he’s not very good at math so his knowledge of physics is limited.

fugidghiuuaehiu Bad At Math Science Gang RISE UP

He was hatched and went through The Brooding Caverns. He decided to settle on a Hive in the outskirts of a city, in a suburban area with only a few highblooded neighbors. However, his lusus was very, very hard to feed for the two heads would often argue with and attack each other. His lusus would feed on anyone who visited or came too close, by asphyxiating them. It also neglected him and didn’t pay attention to him for it was too busy fighting with itself. He eventually learned to sedate his lusus through aromatherapy, with chemicals he himself created in his lab. He lives on a huge castle-like hive near a forest where he gets the material for his experiments and corpses to analyze. He has a bunch of body parts in flasks and bottles.

He is a very strange troll, but he doesn’t want to be. Due to his upbringing and his lusus eating whoever came over. He often saw culling, death and destruction near him, which caused him to have a morbid fixation on death and a desire to better troll society through science, influenced by his ancestor Discordi Discipla (he’s a WIP). However, he has fallen victim to his own mental deterioration and apathy as he spent more time around the dead (and undead). This mental deterioration was exacerbated when a presumed dead corpse came to life in his lab and attacked him, causing him blindness in his right eye. He’s somewhat afraid of being culled for his blindness, but knows that it’s not likely, due to his highblood status.

This is pretty good and comprehensive!

Due to his childhood where he didn’t have control over what his lusus did, he now wants to have control over everything in his life. This makes him a very controlling and manipulative person, bent on doing anything to get his way even if it means experimenting on his lowblooded friends. He doesn’t necessarily like hurting others and doesn’t mean to, Alternian society and his own visions of violence has just made him apathetic. This apathy as well as his low self-worth stemming from his neglect has made him have tons of unhealthy relationships, as well as has made him a perfectionist and narcissist. Despite his supposed belief that the end justifies the means and he’s going to make troll society better, he doubts himself and has an inferiority complex.

His mental deterioration has made him a very unstable troll to be around. He’s still a good troll at heart, however the odds are in disfavor due to his blood color causing him to look down on others lower on the hemospectrum and his own childhood. He does things mainly on impulse and suffers from strange hallucinations and visions of the future ever since he was blinded on his right eye. He’s learned to cope with them and they don’t necessarily harm him, but they do cause him significant distress.

He also has a lot of scars from laboratory incidents, and his neighbors hate him.

fjiodshfuo yeah if my neighbor kept making ungodly noises and murdering people with abandon I may also have a beef with them.

Review Goals: General Overview please! Strife Specibus:

Chemicalkind. He carries around various noxious chemicals to use as he pleases, but sometimes they irritate his eyes when he uses them. He can handle it almost all of the time though. He throws them in bottles and that’s how he fights.

I know I *just* suggested this for my most recent review but bottlekind fits here too because if he runs out of chemicals he can just break a bottle off on a nearby surface and stab someone with the broken glass it’s fun it’s easy it’s free.

Fetch Modus: I kind of took the idea from a mspa fetch modus entry, since I’m bad at coming up with fetch moduses. It’s unoriginal I know, but I genuinely couldn’t think of anything.

Periodic Table Modus.

It requires Sancti to remember his elements, as he needs to remember them for when he’s working and therefore it helps him but also inconveniences him as he can forget them.

This is how it works:

When an item is captchalogued, a quick calculation is checked to see the size of that item. If it is lower than 190x190, the size of the item is totalled and placed on a slot on the fetch modus that corresponds to the periodic table number.

For example, an item that is 4 in by 2 in would total to 6, and be in the position of Carbon on the table.

Sancti would then have to open the periodic table modus, which would open as an actual metaphysical table, and retrieve the item.

It is blank, with 118 spaces.

This fetch modus is a little confusing to me as well, and your poor math challenged troll likely also finds it difficult.

…but I think I have an idea that keeps with the spirit *and* the confusion while generating some good old Modus Shenanigans. What about an ORBITAL MODUS, with items filling in in each new category as an electron shell would? All items in the outermost shell would be immediately accessible, with deeply nested items remaining inaccessible until the outer shells were emptied.

Like this. Which is perfect for your chemist troll.

Blood Color: Ceruleanblood/Cobaltblood.

Lunar Sway: Derse, because he is dissatisfied with himself.

Derse and Prospit assignations don’t necessarily have to do with how one feelings about *themselves!* Karkat is Prospit and Nepeta is Derse, which reflects the fact that Karkat has accepted the hemospectrum as the way things have to be despite the horrors it inflicts on him, while Nepeta is extremely happy to be herself, but constantly snipes Equius for kowtowing to the hemospectrum. Even Equius is a Dersite, since he doesn’t agree with the hemospectrum so much as develop a really disturbing fixation over the following and subversion of it.

Given that your troll actively uses the hemospectrum to his advantage and delights in doing so, I’d argue he’s a Prospitan! Title: I’m unsure if I want to make them a sylph of light or a sylph of space, I’m actually not sure at all what they should be.

Between forensic pathology and genetics and chemistry and being attacked by a zombie and feeling he knows best he’s actually coming off VERY much as a Life player to me. Since you’re bouncing between two Sylph classpects I’m happy to keep that title as long as we acknowledge he’s not currently very good at it :P.

Symbol and Meaning: The symbol for purification by burning. He’s my first troll in the session I want to make. It kind of has the meaning of spiritual cleansing or purifying something that is not pure. In this case I think it relates to Sancti’s personal growth that will happen through the session, reflecting how he has to better himself through painful events.

If we go by the EZ, his sign would be Scorsci, Sign of the Fixer. Which is certainly what he sees himself as! I’ll see if I can play with the symbol you gave him and incorporate the Scorpio M into it.

Handle: gravesideAnopsia

Anopsia is a defect in the visual field or blindness, and graveside refers to how he got his blindness.

We definitely see trolls with retroactively foreshadowy trolltags, but I can’t think of a reason for him to have picked Anopsia before his blinding. What about gravesideConjunct, since he sees himself as the connective tissue between the dead and the living? Which can become retroactively ironic when his eye putrifies after it comes into contact with necrotic tissue, which is basically an extreme version of conjunctivitis.

Quirk: ~~( he types…. zzz….. taking… his time…. with words… and….types in caps when he…..wants to zzz…. ASSERT HIS POINT….)~~

Love this quirk he’s a sleeby boy.

He either keysmashes to laugh as “eoeoeoe” “sksksks” or simply laughs like “haha” or “hehe”. He also uses the following emoji :)-< and (－‸ლ)

Special Abilities: None, unless you count his visions of the future. But he wasn’t born with psychic abilities.

Idk that he even needs visions of the future tbh. Injury does not always confer abilities in troll society.

Lusus/Guardian: A 2-headed Titanoboa (think of a huuuuuge prehistoric Boa, even bigger than an Anaconda). He considers himself to have two dads as the two heads have separate brains. He calls them “my snake dads”. Him and his lusus have a better relationship now that his lusus is sedated, and he often cuddles with his lusus in between their two heads and feeds them the corpses after he’s done analyzing them. However, their relationship used to be negative and neglectful, as explained above.

Omg yes I love his dads.

Interests: Apart from the sciences listed on his theme, he also enjoys the arts and painting with blood of the corpses he studies, as well as making artistic murals outside to the annoyance of his neighbors. He likes cosmic horror books, doomsday devices and machinery, bodily modification, philosophers, and in his spare game he will play puzzle and roleplaying games (but not FLARPing, he’s bad at it). He thinks about hunting the undead sometimes, and likes horror movies, making friends regardless of their dead or alive status, scaring his neighbors, horror movies, and mindless antics.

Appearance: His hair is very straight, but it tends to get messy. Also the string on one of his horns is a string that got stuck on his horn and it’s hard to remove now.

usghiuserg good. I’m gonna see what I can do to his sprite to convey the “straight but messy” vibe more.

Personality:

He’s VERY creative, more than analytical, which is an oddity for a scientist, others may think of him as a “creative genius” but he rejects the title of being a mad scientist. He wants to be positively known. He also always tries to finish things and has a general curious personality. He’s always seeking knowledge, and often tires himself out from working too much on his experiments, which causes him to enter a cycle of all nighters vs heavy sleeping. He’s a very heavy sleeper, often taking naps throughout the day. He procrastinates on mundane tasks that don’t relate to his interests or experiments. However, he drinks a lot of caffeinated beverages when he needs to work in order to keep himself awake essentially starting an all nighter cycle.

Depending on the circumstances, he can be very friendly and charming, or quite the opposite. It all depends. He likes to crack morbid jokes that make nobody laugh, and is quite disorganized as well as silly. He cares for his moirail (wip) and matesprit (wip) the most, and even though he sometimes snaps at them, he never wants to lose them.

Land: Land of Dreams and Angels, but depending on the classpect you assign him I will change it.

*Hopes and Dreams plays in the background*

What if he’s Land of Regrowth and Thaw, with the grass being fed by the remains of former consorts and the rest slowly unfreezing from ice as his journey continues? Works with his work with dead bodies and also gives us the vegetation associated with Life.

I also have his introduction written out but idk if I should include it. Here it is:

Your name is SANCTI SERPUS and you’d rather be sleeping, or dead.

You love everything relating to THE SCIENCES, but you are not very good at MATH, or keeping organized. However, you are still considered a “CREATIVE GENIUS”. You love anything that STIMULATES YOUR GRUBBY BRAIN - such as PSYCHOLOGY, FORENSICS and TROLL BIOLOGY. You do many EXPERIMENTS, most of which involve using troll parts in jars, to create true ABOMINATIONS; and one which sadly took your right eye’s vision and has had you in fear of being CULLED. However, you reject the idea of being a “MAD SCIENTIST”.

In a weird fashion, you also highly enjoy THE ARTS, and paint the walls of your GINORMOUS HIVE and other places with objectively “pretty good” PICTURES made from the BLOOD of the corpses you work with, to the annoyance of your neighbors. You also have a slight interest in BODILY MODIFICATION, in an effort to withdraw attention from your accident, as well as an interest in COSMIC HORROR BOOKS, as any good scientist should have. Another interest of yours is VIDEO GAMES, especially ROLE PLAYING and PUZZLE games, and when you’re not working, you spend your time playing them. You’ve even attempted to CODE your own game, and FAILED. However, you are not a very good FLARPER.

Despite this, all your work leaves you tired, which means you are a HEAVY SLEEPER and tend to procrastinate even the most MUNDANE TASKS that are not related to your interests. On the days that you are energized from drinking CAFFEINATED BEVERAGES, you like to go outside at night and collect all sorts of RANDOM KNICK-KNACKS, which may include CORPSES and FOSSILS to analyze. This has attracted the attention of your neighbors and BEST FRIENDS, who call you an UNHINGED TOTAL MANIAC. You don’t understand why, until you take off your lab coat to reveal an alarming amount of new scars from LABORATORY INCIDENTS. You really are kind of an ODDBALL.

This is such a frickin MOOD. Let’s go to the redesign, though I don’t have much!

Horns - you said he got string tangled in his horns but those horns are shaped in a way that makes it pretty easy to untangle stuff! I gave him horns that are Klein-bottle inspired, though it’s obviously impossible for horns to actually grow into a Klein bottle shape. Now THAT’S a mess I wouldn’t wanna tangle with!

Hair - I absolutely ripped a fan-troll template to shreds and put it back together again for this hair, but I think this conveys “basically straight but mussed up” with a little more shape than the original.

Face - I adjusted the proportions and replaced the eyebrows with just the piercings because it was looking a little busy.

Shirt - Again it looked a little busy with the jacket with symbols on both flaps and the pendant in the middle, so I gave him a mad scientist jacket edited from John’s.

Symbol - I tried to find a happy medium between the radial symmetry of the original symbol and the Scorsci M with the arrows.

That’s pretty much it! Hope this helped!

-TR

#ceruleanblood #cobaltblood #submission #itoshiki #review #tr review #sancti #serpus #sancti serpus #apoteu #davdav #apoteu davdav #redesign

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goddessoffate96 · 5 years

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To Never Forget

[A/N] Here goes. A second chapter. I can’t say im 100% happy with the pacing or my way of progressing the story (I feel like at times I’m rushing things to try and move the story along). But I’m hoping with time and practice I’ll be able to iron out these little kinks, and as the chapters go on, my writing will develop (my fingers are well and truly crossed). @dayanna-hatter :D

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CHAPTER TWO: PARTY AND PRESENTS

Elide was speechless. As she got out of the car and turned towards Aelin’s house she didn’t know whether to be impressed or crawl into the nearest sewer drain. She knew Aelin was nothing if not an over-enthusiastic perfectionist, but she had really outdone herself this time. All across the front garden were streamers and balloons, while pegs in the ground held a huge number two and number three in place. That wasn’t what drew the blood to Elides face, that wasn’t what made her palms sweaty and her heart begin to race. All across the front of the house, hanging between the two farthest windows was a banner. Not just any banner. Elide was pretty sure it was the biggest banner she had ever seen in her life, and written across it in bold, capital, purple letters read: ‘HAPPY 23RD BIRTHDAY ELIDE!’.

“So? What do you think?” Aelin’s shoulder bumped into Elide’s, the blonde bombshell was grinning from ear to ear, clearly pleased with her handy work.

“I… Err… I mean… I don’t really… It’s big.” The nearest sewer drain was looking more and more tempting. “I suppose no one is going to wonder how old I am for a while.” Elide hoped the chuckle that escaped her throat was convincing enough for them all to stop staring at her.

“Hey Fireheart! We were expecting you about half an hour ago!” Coming towards them, dressed in dark blue jeans and a navy shirt was Rowan, and Elide honestly couldn’t have been happier to see him in that moment. “Happy Birthday El! Glad you decided to come. I’ll let you read the millions of texts I received this morning. Who knew someone could type so fast in the space of five minutes?” After giving Elide a quick hug, Rowan draped his arm around Aelin’s waist, pulled her into him and kissed the top of her head.

“I was panicking okay! Everything was planned, and we’d spent last night sorting the decorations. Elide’s life was looking pretty damn short in those five minutes!” They’d all started making their way up to the house, and Aelin turned to give Elide a quick wink before they got to the door. “Well birthday girl first.” As Elide took a deep breath, and mentally prepared herself for what was about to ensue, she reached forward and opened the door.

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Just as she’d expected, as soon as she stepped over the threshold a chorus of ‘Happy Birthday’s and ‘Surprise’s were shouted at her. As Elide looked around at all her friends - and then some - she couldn’t help the grin that made its way across her face. She could still quite happily go and hide someplace else, but seeing all those faces smiling at her, she had to admit, it was infectious.

Dorian, Chaol and Yrene were the first ones over to her. Hugs were exchanged and a pat on the shoulder from Chaol had Elide holding back a laugh. Yrene pulled her over to the dining room table, on top of which sat her presents.

“You don’t have to open them now, in fact I’d probably suggest you don’t, it’ll be easier to carry them out to the car if they’re all still wrapped. But… I do want you to open this one.” With that Manon picked up a small square box, covered in blood red wrapping paper. Elide looked at her sister as she started carefully tearing it open. Inside the box lay a necklace, the ruby, the size of Elide’s little finger nail, was shaped like a tear.

“I know we’re not really the lovey-dovey kind of family, but I wanted you to have something that would remind you I’m always there for you. No matter what.” Elide didn’t hold back as she flung herself at her older sister and smiled.

“Thank you Min, it’s beautiful.” She felt her sister tense as she used her childhood nickname for her, but she soon relaxed once she realised Elide had said it only loud enough for her to hear.

Manon helped her put it on whilst everyone else started to disperse to find drinks or talk to other people they knew. Elide breathed a sigh of relief, realising that her friends really did know her better than she thought.

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It hadn’t taken her long to realise that someone was missing. A quick walk around the house and the back garden (which had also been flooded with balloons and streamers, and confetti by the looks of it) had told her that Lorcan wasn’t here yet. Which probably meant he wasn’t going to show at all.

She couldn’t help but feel a bit deflated. Maybe she had been secretly wishing he’d come. He’d been the first person who had actually seemed to enjoy just sitting and talking to her. She’d never felt like he was itching to get back to the party, never felt like she was being a nuisance or that she was somehow holding him hostage. In those few hours they’d had together, she’d felt herself opening up to him. Yes, she’d been a little tipsy, and no she couldn’t remember everything they’d talked about, but that hadn’t been because of the drink. They’d covered so many topics, so many different branches of conversation, she honestly couldn’t remember them all if she tried.

Elide shook her head. She needed to stop thinking about it, about him. He wasn’t here, and this was her birthday party. If she went around looking like someone had just eaten the last tub of her favourite ice cream, people would start asking questions she really didn’t want to answer.

“Hey Elide, sorry I’m only just now coming over to see you. It’s kinda hard to find you, what with you being so short, and that dark dress doesn’t exactly make you stand out.” Elide turned to face one of Rowan’s friends, Fenrys. At least that’s what she thought his name was. The tall, golden haired man smiled at her as she finally looked at his face. She had to admit, he was very good looking, in that kind of pretty boy, surfer sort of way, and although she hadn’t really spoken to him before, the rest of her friends had only had good things to say. She couldn’t help but give a small laugh.

“Well, you found me. My natural ability to hide must be wearing off. You’re Fenrys, right? One of Rowans friends? Sorry, I’m really bad with faces, and even worse with names.” She smiled and hoped she wasn’t being too awkward. Small talk really wasn’t one of her strong suits, add to that the fact that she hated long silences, and it made conversations a bit like a game of minesweeper.

Fenrys let out a low laugh. “Yeah, that’s me. I’ve known Rowan for about 5 years now, but I’ve seen you out a couple times before, and you’ve kinda always been on your own. Why is that? No one else good enough company?” At that he crossed his arms and gave her a playful questioning look, one eyebrow carefully raised and a small smile on his lips. Elide couldn’t help but smile back.

“No, it’s not that. Parties just aren’t my thing. Give me a good book or movie, blankets, popcorn and ice cream and I’ll be in my element. I like company, just not in crowded situations.” She gave a small shrug. She didn’t expect Fenrys to understand. He looked like the kind of guy who could work a crowd, and he definitely had the body and looks to attract all sorts of attention. He seemed kind enough, but Elide couldn’t help but still feel out of place. There were very few people she felt she could truly relax around, and even they had taken years for her to get to that stage. All except one person. He had only taken a few hours.

“Ahh, right. I get it. Some people just find talking to new people easier than others. From what I’ve heard, you’ve got no reason to be so shy. Everyone says great things about you El. In fact that’s kinda the reason why I came over to talk to you…”

Elide knew at that moment that it was time to find somewhere else to be. She liked Fenrys, he seemed like a really decent guy, and maybe, if her mind wasn’t stuck playing a certain pair of onyx eyes on repeat like her own personal slide show, maybe, she might have even considered entertaining the idea of flirting with him.

“Sorry Fenrys, I’ll be back, its just I’m sure Lysandra has people she wants to introduce me to, and like you said, I’m kinda hard to find. But it's been really nice talking to you, I hope to see you around again, maybe come say hi next time you see me hiding in the shadows?”

“Oh sure, yeah definitely! I’ll be sure to do that. Enjoy the rest of your birthday, Elide. A girl like you deserves to let her hair down once in a while.” She gave Fenrys one last smile as she started to make her way through the crowded house. She couldn’t help but pray to anyone or anything listening that no one else was going to approach her when she heard someone knocking at the front door.

“Elide, could you get that, my hands are full and I ordered pizza. Don’t worry I got your favourite. Though why you like pineapple on pizza is beyond me.” Asterin’s voice travelled down from the top of the stairs, and as Elide looked up she could see that her friends’ hands were indeed full. Full of some poor guys hair, while it looked like her face may have been superglued to his.

Smiling and shaking her head as she reached for the door, Elide began to hope that Asterin had chosen to order - and subsequently pay - online, but decided that she had best check her bag for cash just in case. As she pulled the door open, she began rummaging through her small purse.

“Sorry just give me a minute. Do you need cash or was this paid for already?” As she looked up to greet the delivery guy, she was in fact met with a completely different view. Her eyes kept drifting up until she finally met his gaze.

“I don’t normally expect people to pay me for bringing them flowers on their birthday, but if you want to start a trend, I think I’m okay with that.” Elide moved out of the way to let him through the door. “Sorry I’m late, meetings ran over and I still had phone calls to make. Have I missed anything important?” Elide couldn’t help but stare at him, he always looked unhappy, but there was a gentleness in his eyes that she couldn’t help but dream about.

Rowan appeared from one of the side rooms, and slapped a hand on Lorcans back. “Lor! Glad you could make it mate. Nah, you’ve missed nothing. The party’s just getting started.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[A/N] Chapter two is done. Sorry to leave it just as it was getting to what everyone wants, but I’ve always wanted to do that, so I indulged myself :). Please feel free to leave any sort of criticism or advice if you feel like it, and try to be nice, I am as novice as they come, but I’m willing to learn. Also if you wanna drop me a message about anything (Sarah J. Maas related, or even just to chat) that’d be pretty cool too :D x

#elide lochan #lorcan salvaterre #throne of glass #fanfic #throne of glass fanfic #To Never Forget #lysandra #rowan whitethorn #rowan x aelin #chaol x yrene #dorian #asterin blackbeak

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straytears · 7 years

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La Douleur Exquise

number 9 with chan please?

group: stray kids

member: bang chan

synopsis: You already broke down my walls, but did you have to break my heart?

authors note: I love me some sad, heart-wrenching fics, so I was really motivated to write this one even though I was lowkey cringing about how cliché this is the entire time! please enjoy anon and thank you for requesting 💖 This is also written as if the boys have already debuted and reached major stardom.

credits: the writing on the gifs are mine, but I do not own the actual gif of stars.

word count: 1.8k

➵ masterlist

Chan was known for his patience and forgiving attitude, but he was also known for his strictness and perfectionist qualities, which only became more evident when he was appointed as the leader for JYP’s new boy group, Stray Kids. You had never been a victim of his anger, only a witness, but you have always tried to avoid being the subject of his rage, which was going fairly well up until this moment.

His face and neck were painted red from his suppressed anger, veins becoming more and more prominent from the clenching of his defined jaw and the once happy Chan was completely evaporated from his eyes, leaving no trace of your best friend.

“Why is it that you think you have the right to involve yourself in every aspect of my life?” His eyes bore into yours, both of his palms connecting with the wall beside your head. It’s quite ironic because if a passerby were to look over and see what was happening, they wouldn’t be able to tell that you were someone who he would consider as the most important person in his life.

You flinch from the sudden action, reeling back into the wall as if it would provide some sort of barrier or safety from the boy in front of you. “Chan she’s just using you, you’re just going to end up hurt, please, just please liste-” It takes everything in you to not reveal the fear through your voice, but it was really no use. It was as if a ferocious lion was staring down a puny, little kitty.

“Out of all the people who I thought wouldn’t approve of me in this relationship, I never considered you to be one of them.” Your eyes dart from the floor toward his, your heart breaking just a little bit more after seeing the dam of tears threatening to spill over their barricade.

You attempt to reach up your hand in order to hold his cheek, but he withdraws from you, freeing your body after encasing it out of anger. “I thought you were my best friend.” He turns away, head hung down low, ready to retreat but you reach out toward him desperately, “Why won’t you believe me? She’s just dating you to further her own career!” As much as it hurts you to say that, it had to be done, because if you didn’t, how else would you be able to warn him about her malicious intentions?

“I thought you were better than accusing someone of something they aren’t capable of doing.” You shake your head, your heart wrenching more for the fact that she’s got him wrapped around her finger than the fact that your best friend believes someone he’s only known for 6 months over his best friend of 23 years.

You refuse for her to continue to hurt him, so you say the words you’ve never wanted to say. “Would you just shut up and listen to me for a second? She’s cheating on you!” He shakes his head, eyes downcasted toward the floor in refusal to believe the words pouring from you.

“I love her and she loves me! She wouldn’t cheat and you should know that better than anyone else!”

God knows you do. God knows how many times she would become the focus of your late night chats or how she became the only thing that you two ever talked about. It was hard not to know about her because she was the centre of his world, the apple of his eye. He’d always go on about how every guy must be jealous that she was dating him. How she was the one who he looked forward to seeing every day. The one who kept him going in times where it seemed impossible to do so.

No matter how much it bruised and battered your heart to listen to all of the lovesick things said about her, you remained to be the shoulder he could lean on when he didn’t know how to continue to make her happy, as well as the ear that would always listen so he could continue to disclose his suppressed burdens about their relationship. Everything that was about her, her and her, you paid attention to and assisted in the best you could, even though you always found yourself crying into the confines of your pillow after those sessions once the realization set in that you would never be her.

But that’s what best friends do right? They have to be willing to sacrifice their happiness just to give you the contingency and opportunity to be happy.

“Why do you always have to ruin all of my relationships? Huh? Is that all you have to do these days?” A scoff escapes your throat. It was absurd how far his assumption was from the actual truth.

For as long as you could remember, it was just Chan and you. Even during the days of pre-debut, he would always come to you in order to lay down his burdens and worries.

☾

“Y/N, I just want to tell you just how much I appreciate you and everything you’ve done for me. You truly are the best.” He lifts his head up from your shoulder to give you one of his beaming smiles, the type of smile he reserves only for you.

“I mean I’d say the same, but if you don’t keep your voice down, my parent’s are going to bust our asses for being up this late.” He playfully smacks your shoulder and grins at you conspiratorially. “I LOVE Y/N SO MUCH AND IM SO GRATEFUL TO HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH HER AS MY BEST FRIEND!”

You grin at him, your own smile etching itself upon your features. “Shut up you idiot, I’ll push you off this roof!” You smack him playfully against his head, only to have him rest his head on your shoulder once again.

“You have such a heavy head, it’s like someone placed a bowling ball on my shoulder.” He laughs but continues to lay his head on your shoulder nonetheless. “What I yelled before came from the bottom of my heart though. You really are the most important person in my life. I love you Y/N, my best friend.” He looks at you sincerely this time, moving up to sit straight from his place on your shoulder.

“I love you too Chan. You know that you’re the most important person in my life too, right? Please don’t ever stop being my best friend.” You look down at him, a softness overcoming your features. “I promise Y/N. No matter how many fights over Mukbang we have or the special people that come into our lives, I promise to remain the same old Chan that’s been your best friend ever since I left my mother. Promise me that we’ll stay in each other’s lives forever yeah? I don’t think I could go through life without you.” Gripping your hand, he pulls out your pinky to intertwine it with his as a way of sealing the promise.

You lay like that for what seemed like hours, and just when you’re sure that Chan is fast asleep, you gently untwine your pinky from his, a sadness that can only come from unrequited love, replacing your content expression.

“I’m sorry but I think I’ve already broken that promise, Chan. I love you more than I should as a best friend.”

It was moments like this where you felt so desolate because you didn’t know whether or not you should smile because he was your friend, or cry because that is all the two of you will ever be.

☾

It’s crazy how long it takes to build a stable friendship with someone, only to have it crumple to the ground in a matter of seconds once they find someone they deem more worthy than yourself.

You question if you still remain the most important person in his life when he has her. If he was so willing to replace your being and history that dated back to more than 2 decades, with her, then she must’ve been a better friend to him than you ever were right? She must’ve not ever missed a day where he felt at his lowest or maybe she was never the cause of his annoyance or stress? Whatever it was, it didn’t matter because all you know is is that she must’ve been a damn saint if he was willing to replace someone who was willing to lay down their life in order for them to have the one they deserved.

Your head hangs in the same place your heart is. Low. All those nights and promises of eternal and unbreakable friendship, did it all really mean anything to him for it to come down to this?

“So you believe her words over mine?” You look up at him hopefully, only to have him turn his face toward the side, not replying.

“After all these years of friendship, I just never thought you’d be able to do something like this.”

Your eyes go wide, lip quivering in realization. However, you need to verify if this really is the end of it all. So you walk toward him and gently turn his head toward you. ”Choose. Choose between your best friend and her. Look me in the eyes and say it.” Your eyes are rigid and emotionless, the previous heartbroken y/n gone.

However, when he casts his eyes into yours, your new found courage disperses. Suddenly, it feels as if you’re drowning, lungs enclosing and struggling to intake any air, all the while, your heart clenches and aches for a love you yearned for all these years but would never have the chance to be reciprocated.

“I’ll choose her any day over you,” he says with a voice filled with certainty and spite of your ultimatum.

You don’t know if it’s a spur in the moment kind of thing or if it’s really him talking, but once he leaves and shuts the door, his declaration ricochets off the walls and into your heart, realization settling itself into your soul.

You wondered if you had him, would you want him in the same way as you want him now? Because they say what you want, you can’t have and because of that, you begin to want it even more. Maybe if he gave you the chance, you wouldn’t feel this way now.

You loved him like the sun loved to shine, the way the rain needed to fall and the way the waves needed to meet the sand and it was because of this love you felt so deeply, you couldn’t help but think to yourself.

Damn it, Chan. You already broke down my walls, but did you have to break my heart?

I want to take the time to give my condolences to the members of SHINee and Jonghyun’s family. After hearing the news, I was absolutely devastated upon hearing it. I pray that each and every person who is close to him can get through such a hard time but I also pray that Jonghyun is now in a place where he is free from whatever pain he was suffering from. I hope that he can now find it in himself to be truly happy because he isn’t in such a lonesome place anymore.

I just want to let y’all know that my messages and ask are always open to anyone who needs to talk or feels as if they just need to vent. Please don’t be afraid to tell someone and most importantly, I just want to remind you all that each and every one of you matter. Don’t ever let your shortcomings or what people think about you bring you down because you deserve all the happiness and love in the world, no matter what anyone says. So please, please, don’t ever forget that because not one ounce of your self-worth should depend on what others think of you or if they accept you or not.💓💓💓💓

#stray kids #jyp stray kids #stray kids hellevator #bang chan #kim woojin #lee minho #seo changbin #hwang hyunjin #han jisung #lee felix #kim seungmin #yang jeongin #stray kids imagines #stray kids fake texts #stray kids reactions #mtl

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thebitterlemon-tbl · 5 years

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Post 1- The Ketchup (catch up, obviously)

If I had to describe myself as a person, I would not be that kind about it. That’s not to say that I’m a bad person. I think I can make bad decisions, every one can. I just think I'm really harsh on myself. I like it that way. If you don't keep yourself in check, who will? My personality has been called abrasive and reserved. It depends on my anxiety.

ANXIETY

what a word. The word itself is stressful. It’s hard to type. You really have to go grab that Z from the bottom on the keyboard. It’s just not natural for your fingers to stroke there gracefully. Which is ironic that it’s not natural, because the whole thing about having social anxiety is that you're trying to ACT NATURAL. I love to try and explain anxiety in analogies. Imagine if you're swimming and a shark comes along.... that’s anxiety. Imagine if you’re cooking and the water starts to boil over at the same time that the smoke alarm goes off..... that’s anxiety. Sometimes I don’t even need coffee, I just need social anxiety. I don’t know if I really even have overall anxiety, or just social. It’s all something I'm learning. I am constantly looking for the triggers.

Here are the triggers that I've discovered so far:

Messy apartment

Me, disheveled and not put together

running late

moving slow- no sense of urgency

spending more than $100 somewhere, any where

blushing

people chewing loudly or any mouth sounds at all

confrontation

being caught off guard

I really wanted to round that off to an even 10 but I started to lose steam. It’s actually become quite fun for me to try and find out why I’m anxious. What the fuck made me this way? A couple of things have. Ive had some memories come back to me. I thought for a long time that I had a good childhood, but I was wrong. I blocked out a lot of what I was feeling. Mostly because I am not good at processing my feelings. I do the opposite and I shut down or immediately tell myself it’s not happening. It’s like if your parents fast forward through a sexy scene in a movie. You catch bits of flesh but it’s all so fast... you don't know really what’s happening. You just know it’s not something you’re allowed to see. It’s so weird how you revert back to the way you were feeling from a moment in time and then your body just unconsciously starts invoking those dark fight or flight responses involuntarily. Anytime I walk into a public building, like a coffee shop, theatre, anything where there’s a group of people i don't know- I look for the exits first. I have to know where my clear path is to run (walk quickly probably) out of. I need to find a sure shot, B-line pathway and plan exactly how I would get out. It’s the only way I can relax and really be present. I don’t think I’m ever really present though. My brain is never off. That’s why I like movies and tv. My brain can turn off. I said CAN not WILL. That’s the tricky part.

The one thing I was blessed with is a sense of humor. I can be really funny. I’ve always wanted to act or do stand up. Maybe one day. Theres a new acting class that just opened up. The guy is from CA and seems nice. It’s $380 for 8 weeks... that's a steep price for me to sign up for without even knowing if my anxiety will let me do it. That’s what’ll always hold me back! Maybe starting this blog will help.

So let me just quick fire tell you some more info about myself:

my 2 cats are named Doug and Noodle. Doug is 8 years old and Noodle is only 8 Months old.

I thought my favorite color was purple and maybe it still is but lately I've really been thinking it’s green. Which is odd, I used to say I hated green.

I love poetry. I’m not a super pretentious nerd who's going to quote poets and know about all of them. I just appreciate beautifully crafted sentences that eloquently flow with silky words and smooth imagery.

I love vegetables but I am not a vegetarian.

I used to smoke cigarettes for a long time and now I smoke the Juul. Been a year on the Juul and I haven’t gotten strep since I quit cigarettes.

I’m a workaholic. Greedy money grubber. But I work hard.

I can sing very well but don’t know how to put together a melody and play no instruments so it’s just a useless talent.

Im the youngest of 5!!! That's a wild ride. Maybe its own post.

I am a closet romantic. can’t let anyone see that side of me though.

I think astrology is fun! I like to know about people’s birth charts. I am a Capricorn Sun, Capricorn Rising, Moon in Virgo, and Venus in Pisces.

I used to be really religious until around age 13 or so. I even went to a cult church.

I am Type A. Clean freak. Perfectionist.

I was an Adderal kid. Yikes.

That's a good head start for now! Don't know why I thought that would be easier. It was not rapid fire in the slightest. I guess that's what I feel like you need to know about me before I really start to get into it. Should I end every post with a deep thought like Carrie Bradshaw? Here goes...

Maybe I'm learning more about me too. Hope I like her!

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