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lanamemories2 · 4 years

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rides onto the dash nude n on horseback like this pic of sam way. oh fancy seeing u here.......... im impeccably tensed our entire exchange. buns like steel cld crack a nut open between them. i’m nai n it’s so nice to meet u all!!!! i’m one of the admins here (josefine frida pettersen on the main) n i’m so Excited 2 get things going........... some facts abt me r i sometimes hv a witch’s cackle, i once drunkenly swung frm a tree branch pretending to b tarzan n fell n grass stained my fav jeans at 4 in the morning n i lov spicy food despite the fact it mkes me sweat like a hog in the sun. more abt lana under the cut!!! also like this or hmu if u wna plot n her pinterest is here n playlist is here 👺🌚

「kristine froseth & cis-female」⇾ jameson , lana, the junior radcliffe student’s records show that she is a gemini and 22 years old. she is studying dance, living in off campus and can be vivacious, passionate, childish & impulsive. when i see her i am reminded of stepping out in the cold wearing just a red slip, lipstick on a stranger’s throat, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘SCRAPPY DOO IS A FILTHY SLUT’. ⇽「nai & 23 & gmt & she/her.」

AESTHETICS:

scalding your fingers in shower water until they glow like rudolph’s nose, cherry red gym socks tugged high and nothing else, stepping out in the cold wearing just a red slip, an origami swan made from an old receipt, tickling a stranger’s chin with the end of a feather boa, crowning each finger with a miniature raspberry, hugging a knee close to lick a stripe of fruit juice off a bruise there, doodling penises in the condensation of a car window, a water pistol topped with rum and covered in glittery pin-up stickers, believable smiles that feel more like baring teeth, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘SCRAPPY DOO IS A FILTHY SLUT’, prancing around in your underwear to a vinyl record with the curtains open.

HISTORY:

lana grew up in a big house in albany, NY. albums framed on the walls. mayb some rolling stone covers too frm way bk when of the bands her dad’s label signed. kind of like… a rock star palace w no evidence of children at all. i think i summarised it best in one of lana’s self paras once when i said the garden ws “as big as it was unloved”, not that u wld know from all of the gardener’s pruning

lana’s mum victoria (vic) ws a music journalist w a pretty fruitful career ahead of her when she met lana’s dad richard (rich). his record label ws jst starting out, founded on the coattails of his rich best friend’s (jensen peters) investment w his other best friend (who he jst calls knoxville). it rocketed to success when they signed poppy injects, a rock band w an electric stage presence, n victoria ws drawn to the glitz n glamour of a man tht ws at the helm of his aspiring industry. their love ws very impulsive, all or nothing right frm the start, n it ws almost like she ws mre in love w his accomplishments n what he represented than him

anyway so jameson records repped a few big rock bands bk in the eighties, altho poppy injects r who they’re mostly known fr, namely bc of hw brightly they crashed n burned. (drugs/addiction tw) they were a big chart success bt the lead singer hd quite an intense struggle w heroin (wsnt rly subtle abt it either while he ws in the public eye as u cn probably imagine frm such an on-the-nose band name) n he ws always in n out of the papers. it eventually brought down his career n it ws a big publicity nightmare

lana pretty much… grew up around figures like this throughout childhood. rly troubled characters who wld kind of… b extremely volatile n destructive abt their troubles. the jameson house was kind of an open one as welcoming clients went n a lot of parties took place there. a lot of the time musicians wld b snorting lines in the kitchen when she wnted to grab a bowl of cereal fr breakfast. very strange environment fr a child to grow up in

her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her much. her older brother caleb ws unplanned bt they sort of welcomed the surprise more bt… quickly realised they weren’t cut out fr parenthood n then when lana came as another surprise 3 yrs later they didn’t even try to hide their resentment abt the situation. her mum ws actually booked in to have an abortion bt cldnt go through with it at the last minute. once when lana asked her why shes so cold towards her she jst turned her head frm her dresser, looked at her, told her abt this n said “idk why i didn’t go”. lana didn’t kno wht to say to tht so she jst left her room n closed the door

(dissociation/delusion tw) bc of this growing up lana adopted this weird like…. she didn’t rly kno what it ws bt it ws a delusion of sorts where she thought she ws a ghost. she’d jst sort of… drift around the halls w noone acknowledging her n sometimes she ws jst convinced she wsnt actually there or they cldnt see her n she ws jst haunting the house frm a previous family

the one saving grace tho tht sort of?? gt her thru this n made her feel Seen ws caleb. lana quite genuinely hs always thought the sun shines out of her older brothers ass like she jst thinks. hes the best person in the entire world. wld b rly bewildered if anyone questioned tht. he wld always look out for her in the zoo they called a home n cut the crusts off her PBJs so they lkd like teddy bears (he’d cook fr them most of the time bc their parents were too busy/didn’t care to) n sometimes wld even sleep at the bottom of her bed curled up like a guard dog. it ws always lana n caleb n his best friend tommy against the world in tht house (tommy lived next door n was always over bc he had very strict parents / a military father tht he found suffocating)

SO when caleb n tommy announced tht they’d signed up to the army lana ws understandably…….. blindsided. she ws rly upset tht they were leaving like pretty besides herself bt she tried not to b mad at them n made them promise theyd b safe n back as soon as possible. she even asked if they cld somehow take her w them n they were jst like :/ it doesn’t work that way luv x

(death tw, ptsd tw, grief tw, trauma tw, hospitalisation tw, drugs tw) anyway caleb ended up getting discharged under grounds of severe ptsd when he witnessed tommy die in an explosion tht took place in a shock raid. caleb returned home sans tommy bt he was never the same after tht. he’s been in n out of hospital n he turned to using as a way to cope so it’s been a rly bumpy road since. lana kind of felt like two of her brothers died out there in a way n jst like tht it wasn’t them vs the world any mre, it was jst her

ANYWAY whew tht rly…. took a dark turn there….. chuckles nervously at hw sad lana’s life is bt it’s fine it’s all fINE!!!!!!! ok. so on a mre lighthearted note the jameson family r pretty well off n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. mostly kids of celebrities n stuff like tht. she amassed kind of an instagram following mainly fr her style (penny lane-esque in some aspects aka lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, flame red cowboy boots, pink fishnet tights n glitter used like highlight Everywhere) n bc she’s undeniably Pretty Gorl

(trauma tw) after caleb got back he was rly withdrawn n depressed. he shut lana out n was kind of harsh to her a lot of the time, always telling her to leave him alone or pushing her away. it didnt help either tht lana had a rly traumatic experience w some of her dad’s colleagues at the label when she ws 16 n he was away n she cldnt even tell him abt it once he was bk bc of his own traumas. she kind of jst shut it all in n kept it to herself

(hypersexuality tw) this obviously?? made her spiral a lot. she was already a girl tht loved sex but since her trauma it got…. completely out of hand. it got to a point where she couldnt rly go 2 days without it, probably not even 1. her lowest point has probably been scrolling thru craiglist for anonymous encounters n meeting up w strangers on there fr hookups even tho it’s insanely dangerous n she cld wind up getting herself killed. the risk is honestly part of the appeal to her sometimes she’s :////// quite self destructive n jst likes a thrill to mke her feel Alive. it’s v clear at this point tht she has a sex addiction whether she’s ever admitted it or not. it kind of… almost mingled w tht same feeling she used to get when she ws younger of being a ghost?? like she jst. only rly feels Real when she’s being touched

(violence tw) she’s had.................... SCH a bad history dating wise. she almost always dates fking.... actual beasts like i jst wna gently shake her by the shoulders sometimes bt :////////////// one of her recent exes is in prison aftr he beat up someone she’d slept w in front of her like she jst. has had a very Not Sexy time w romance...... she hd to b a witness in the trial abt it n he ws found guilty n sent down so it ws like Intense n a gd example of the kinds of disastrous relationships she gets herself into. perks of being a wallflower voice: We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve.

this past summer she gt a job at a burlesque club in downtown lovell!!! it honestly is her dream job like. dancing? being sexy? fav hobbies................. most delicious pastimes... 10/10 ideal fr her............... she almost started working at a coyote ugly bar bt this one won her over. she usually jets off to some foreign country n has a rly exotic n action packed summer bt i think she wldv just been working local there fr this one to b close to her brother (the rehab he’s at is close like a 40 min drive so!). she’s also moved into a big lofty apartment w 3 roommates tht’s above a chinese take out w lots of lanterns hung outside. the street? scott street......................... tribute to mizz phoebe bridgers hunger games salutes to the sky so it travels 2 her............. she gt a red heart shaped bath tub installed which hs always been her dream so honestly the summer hs been pretty gd to her....... five stars on yelp she deserves Some happiness once in a while

PERSONALITY:

always smells vaguely of wild cherries or strawberry starburst or jst the candy aisle in general. if she ws a vinyl record she’d b this one n she’d only play good vibrations by the beach boys, dancing on my own by robyn, play that funky music by wild cherry, femme fatale by the velvet underground n (i can’t get no) satisfaction by the rolling stones

growing up lana was always a HUGE social butterfly. knew everyone n everyone knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget (cld b a gd or bad thing depends on ur Stance...... she can be a lot tho frankly). very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once.

deliberately puts on tht kind of Magnetic Alluring act tht femme fatales wear in movies sometimes. kind of…. is always playing A Role of the person tht she wants to b seen as or the person she feels ppl want her to be. chameleons to situations. feels like she’s performed as the vivacious n fun loving Lana Jameson fr so long tht she doesn’t rly kno who she is beneath tht bt she isn’t too keen to find out

always the last one awake at the party. jst doesn’t seem to hv.... an off switch. every1 else cld b passed out at 6am n she’d still b swaying around to sunday morning by the velvet underground in her underwear drinking frm a bottle of merlot

she’s always been rly spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand ridiculously absurd n chaotic stories

uncontrollably flirty. she’s tht tumblr post tht’s like flirting will b ur hubris n the reply is like kind of sexy of u to say so................ SO confident cld talk to anyone. makes a joke out of anything. tends to laugh when she feels like crying. even if she DOES cry she’ll smile thru it like it isn’t happening she jst.... doesn’t like to b negative ever if she cn help it

she’s amassed a weird collection of like... Things various ppl she’s known hv made abt her. this guy she ws friends w wrote a song abt her n performed it at a gig she went to without telling her in advance. it ws rly dramatic he sang it n looked at her the whole time n she ws jst a bit like.... omg.... lmfao............... she’s also hd various paintings done of her. i honestly dnt even rly kno hw it happens she jst has a personality where she..... leaves an impression like a lipstick print on a white shirt w some ppl.................. she’s like tht tumblr post where someone arrives at a poetry reading n is like hi yes........ where do the muses sit? except she isn’t rly.... obnoxious abt it she jst shrugs n is like.......... oh that........... KJHSFKHGSFKGHSFKGSFHGK. it’s a charmed life fr some

always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s sour haribo cherries or strawberry lollipops.

PLOTS:

exes tht lana’s fucked over hideously. she’d probably cheat a lot and it’d be a whole…mess. whips her in the town square like gale

mayb someone tht flipped the switch and cheated on her??? chaos. anguish. strife.

someone tht works at the burlesque club in downtown lovell w her!!!!! as like a bartender or another dancer or security or................... whtvr honestly. hvn’t worked out a name fr the club yet bt i think it cld b a fun setting to write stuff in n there cld b lots to build off there!!

a cousin plot cld b fun too

her n freya nilsen run smthn called Dick Sisters Inc......... they hv a twitter fr it n everything.... n a hq based in one of the abandoned dorms in the leach building.... lots of inflatable furniture disco balls.............. lana even gt replica airplane seats so they cn sit n b served drinks by this guy tht runs errands fr them who they call bucket....... they bsically like. set ppl up n help ppl get laid it’s a matchmaking service of sorts.......... started as a joke bt nw it’s genuinely become quite a profitable business w word spreading all over campus........ ugh entrepreneurial icons... anyway mayb ur chara cld come to lana fr Dick Sisters assistance......... mayb they’v come to them in the past.........

a friend tht lana fel out w bc she slept w their significant other.

someone tht’s getting lana into drugs?? she’s kind of impressionable/down for anything so tht’s a likely scenario she’d get into tbh

briefly did camgirl stuff on an independent bt up n coming porn site....... titters.......... mayb ur muse used a pseudonym n recognises lana frm it bt is too embarrassed to admit they were subscribed............ mayb they happened upon her on there once n nw r jst like. what do i do w this knowledge. idk cld b fun to work around perhaps

an unrequited crush!! (either way is cool)

someone tht is just hanging out w her/using her bc she has a lot of instagram followers or they want to b signed to her dad’s label

someone in a band!! she’d probably make like penny lane n b their groupie/sleep w them all i won’t lie to u. relentless.....

umm a good influence too mayb?

honestly?? anything is fine i cld ramble for days. mayb even one of the high profile kids she grew up hangin w idk. world’s our oyster fellas!

#ruhqintro #hypersexuality tw #trauma tw #hospitalisation tw #violence tw #death tw #grief tw #ptsd tw #dissosciation tw #drugs tw #addiction tw #god.... wipes sweat frm my brow after all those tws...... i promise they're all just rly briefly touched upon bt better to b safe than sry!!#also this is truly so long bt............ growls n smirks simultaneously

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baebranding · 3 years

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So I changed the name again lol

So I havent really kept up with the journal like I promised. Oops.

But man life. Life is wild. You think youre scared of your present? Wait til you start considering shit you didnt think about before? Like getting a house or immortality. Im trying to wrap my head around the fact that I am 27 years old.

Just a year ago I almost forgot what day my bday was . And I guess in the midst of cancer and evictions, I was almost immediately reminded. This year im now facing a even bigger task than getting my car back: womanhood.

Now I dont mean I just got my period. I mean, I have to learn to be able to cook seafood. I have to consider a mans mental health during my PMS episodes.

He has to meet my mom.

But lets take it a step forward. I dont even know how fertile I am and im officially traumatized by the idea of going thru a pregnancy again. Or what if I cant go to my Gma anymore ?? I often wonder what life would be like if I felt like I could live to live and not live to survive . I probably wouldve spent more time learning how to properly do my hair or probably doing taxes. Who knows.

Sometimes to pull myself out of this self inflicted fear , I often times remind myself, or rather ask myself..

“How many other woman are struggling with coming into their role in society as a woman?

A provider, a mother, a business holder, and grandmother?

We big ourselves up about being a mother or the head honcho but you realize this means you hold the power to create a long lasting legacy ? You will be in charge of molding another person to carry on in your name . My mom had to show me what life is like without my father to guide me . Of course I became bi but I think we have worst issues than me trying to find another woman for my household.

Or, heres a thought: how my womanhood affects the one person who lays beside me each night and leaves me with no blankets in the morning:

My man.

Its so weird because I remember imagining how life would be with a man at home. When I thought I had the answer..

Yall know how that went .

But I didnt realize that we as females spend so much time on men but not in the areas that need us most. Hows his heart? Hows his finances? Is he on track to building his goals ? How is he with his family ? And so on and so forth. When that man comes home, he needs peace. Besides his mom, the world is constantly telling him to be a man. He is not to cry or rest. He is not to be vulnerable. Imagine how you felt as a kid when your parent would say “keep crying. Ima give you something to cry about.” And what did you do ? Shut right the hell on up right ?

Now live you life like that. Tell me youre still okay.

This is how infidelity happens. This is how broken homes happen. Whens the last time you sat with a man and asked him what a happy home means to him without any regards for how you may feel in response? Im bot saying build him a castle, but atleast make him feel like he’s already in one. And what does this have to do with my titties growing more ?

You can learn so much about your “Devine feminine” from a man. My man chilled me out so much . He became my safe space. He reminds me of my place in the world as a woman because he allows me to be just that , a woman. That dont mean he says “ you cook a clean” . This meant ima love you while you are healing and breaking down. You arent failing but heres what can help. Youre allowed to feel the way you feel. Its normal…

This means you can be the cause of the end of the world and ima love you still . Because the woman is always right. We arent but he knows the “rules”.

As a woman, we constantly feel the weight of the world on us at every waking second. Do you know what you can do when you know you have someone to fall back on. I know all to well of the sinking feeling I used to get feeling like im alone . It was the equivalent of feeling like I was running out of time. Like im running out of fucks to be completely honest and I hated that this was the person I was becoming. I didnt have answers . It took me a long time to come to terms with that. I spend so much time trying to figure it out day to day because as a woman we need to be together right ? Not I. I just kept running into walls that already had my blood on it. I kept reopening the same wombs trying to pull out any type of lesson or sense of familiarity from it. Nothing learned but I had to get something from it.

I constantly ran I these circles until I drove myself dizzy and drained. Shoes do run ragged with they are over worn. So I got a hotel room one night and did the only thing I could think to do just to feel one inch of life within me . I called on Lucifer . And I let him tell me everything I wanted to hear. I let him suck me in again and like I always did, I believed he would make it all better . I was left with nothing but south park blaring on the tv and a hotel bed in obt. Nothing more. I had hit rock bottom.

its crazy to think i spent all this time running into the same walls when my man held the door open for me a long time ago, Its like god had to hurt me as much as much as he could to see that the wall will never crumble. That same night i was down to my last dollar. My last will. my last nerve. I had to sit with myself in my car those few nights and reflect on everything i had done to get me to that point. It was what i didnt do. I didnt fight for me. I fought for band aids and quick fixes. I fought for everyone elses lives because it was like books i didnt want to finish. It was the closest thing to real because i couldnt figure it out for myself. i didnt have the tools anymore. i didnt know what love was anymore. So i could only chase what i knew would make sense to me at the time, a friend.

He didnt judge me. He sat with me while I healed. He didnt give me a band aid. He let me bleed out on his doorstep and said he would help me clean up the mess. To not be embarrassed. He provided a safe haven. “Stay until you can fix you. Stay until you are well again.” I made of that what i could at the time.

He became the strongest part of me. My heart. Babe if you ever come across this: you are the best part of life on Earth. Im in love with you.

As a woman, we fall out. We spiral. We scream and fight and we always have to make a fuckin point. And face it, who would we been if we didnt? Thats what true womanhood is. Its about finding you and loving you. Life will happen along the way. This is where I am now. I still make mistakes. Sometimes i will go psycho lady crazy when i dont know what my next move is. I still lay in a pile of my own mess because I suck at making choices. Im so afraid of myself because of where ive been.

Ladies, we are a hot mess.

We are not always holding pink starbucks cups and taking lavish flights in some old man’s plane. We are not always instagram moms who dont hit there kids because the grass stays green all year. Sometimes, we are the ones who just want to walk bare foot because we been trying to hold our breathe in the club trying to appear perfect for some man who is waste deep in hennessy and discharge. We are wigless in the bodega beautiful .We are crying to sex in the city on our days of cool. We are 80 outfits with 70s rock blasting on the stereo when nobody is watching fun. We are the parts of us that keep from killing our men when they forget to fix the shower head loving. And we are someone locking the door behind you complete.

#viral #journal #business #for #starters #tumblr #relationship #businessforstarters #love journal womanhood women tumblr blog viral reflection #lgbt #love #reflection #blog #blogging #pop #real #honest

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captain-fanattic · 7 years

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All of the oc asks with Mack!

DEEP BREATH

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?

Mack Walker! it was just a name that seemed to fit him.

2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?

cowboy?? uh. i mean he works on a mechanical bull ranch, talks pretty southern, and dresses like he was raised in a barn so. Cowboy is about the best title he has.

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory?

it was pretty good yeah! nothing too awful happened to him, he’s on great terms with his family and he loves them, he lived a pretty average childhood for someone in this era. bad memory is him probably almost getting trampled by an angry bull as a child. fond memories are eating good food and celebrating holidays with family members!

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents?

kind of accidentally answered this one in the question before lol

5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?

hmm he might have like 2-3 sisters but i havent mapped them out yet so shrugs im sure their relationship is pretty good though! and theyre all much younger than him.

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?

didn’t really care much about school, just kind of got through it. don’t think he went to college, barely managed to get through high school. he’s good a good enough education and understands how the world works for the most part, at least. he liked art, math, and science. wasn’t a big fan of history or english.

7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood?

he had a few close friends, not a huge friend circle. he’s pretty good at making friends in general though and he’s friendly like nearly 24/7 so im sure he probably would have kept in touch with them into adulthood unless something happened to them or he somehow lost a way to contact them.

8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals?

he grew up on a farm and then got his own farm so he’s always had animals around him. standard farm animals for the most part except many of them were robotic. his few real animal companions were probably a dog and a cat and maybe a couple chickens.

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals?

loves them! tends to be very good with them and rarely has a problem with them.

10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?

he can deal with them but he doesn’t necessarily want any himself. he doesnt mind his younger siblings and loves them to death, but anyone else he’s just kind of like “meh”.

11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?

don’t think so! he loves to eat and will eat almost anything.

12. What is their favourite food?

probably some form of dessert tbh

13. What is their least favourite food?

shrugs

14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?

mostly all the great food his parents would make around the holidays!

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?

very good at it + enjoys doing it! most others tend to enjoy it as well.

16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it?

i feel like he would collect old coins. probably keeps them in a box somewhere in his room

17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?

he takes selfies with his bulls a lot but that’s about it for photography. he’s not on his phone a lot but when he is he’s either chatting with someone thru call or taking pictures of his bulls

18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else

he doesn’t read a lot and doesnt have a favorite, he likes country music obvs, dunno what kind of T.V. he would watch, maybe the cooking channel or like cartoons LOL, he likes vintage video games but doesn’t play them a lot

19. What’s their least favourite genres?

he doesn’t like rap or pop songs generally but will listen to them if someone puts them on, dunno about anything else. probably wouldn’t enjoy love stories if he read books tbh

20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?

he’d probably have a noticeable spring in his step if some good country music was on but otherwise not much. isn’t too interested in musicals.

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

definitely patient! rarely ever loses his temper. if he does you probably did something god awful and he’s probably terrifying when angry. like it would shock everyone to see how we gets when he’s mad

22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?

probably some old sayings that nobody understands tbh. would probably insult someone to their face but doesn’t often if at all; he’s generally very nice.

23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?

it’s pretty good yeah! he’s better with faces than he is with names.

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

he goes to sleep pretty late and gets up pretty early; people wonder how he functions but it’s just how he is. his bed is pretty hard but it doesn’t bother him. it probably would bother someone if they ever came over and sat on it though.

25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?

he thinks a lot of the antics his bulls get up to are hysterical and he also thinks it’s funny when they spook people, though he always does apologize for it. his sense of humor is pretty good and he’s always joking tbh, which really annoys some people *cough* easton *cough* but he tends to know when to stop.

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions?

he generally hums or whistles but otherwise hides his emotions.

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?

bad things happening to his ranch/animals :( he might cry openly if he’s around someone he really trusts but otherwise he kinda keeps it to himself until he’s alone.

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

losing people he loves, losing animals he loves; he’s not very easy to spook honestly. no one is really sure what he’s like when he’s scared until he has a reason to be afriad.

29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective?

super protective! he doesn’t want to be a jerk who holds peoples real fears over their heads just for a laugh >:( he’ll tease easton but not about fears. never about fears.

30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?

he gets a pretty good workout from running his ranch and taking care of his animals. he enjoys it a lot.

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?

on and off yeah, he doesn’t get super drunk too often bc he has a Job to do. he’s probably grumbly and sleepy when hungover, just wants to cuddle and lay in bed for 18 hours. he probably takes care of people when they’re hungover and is generally pretty kind unless there’s a little something to tease them about.

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?

he dresses……… well,,, his jeans are generally dirty and have holes in them and he’s always got on a plaid shirt or something. he doesn’t buy new clothes often. he probably just wears boxers to sleep. his hair is usually pretty messy.

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?

boxers

34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?

he’s like 6 ft maybe? he pretty stronk and built kinda like a wall in some sense. he’s pretty happy with his body, yeah.

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure?

dunno if he has one! he doesn’t really care what people think of him and will kind of just do whatever. doesn’t have a reason to hide things, i guess.

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?

he probably has a good singing voice! he doesn’t have too many hobbies bc a lot of his time is taken up by working his ranch. he’s good at doodling and will scribble some stuff sometimes when he feels like it.

37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?

38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?

he admires things like sense of humor, wit, storytelling, and any sort of musical talent; he probably wants to have some weird talent that wouldn’t be useful in his situation - like juggling.

39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging?

he likes to write letters even though its considered super old-fashioned.

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?

he loves sugary food but doesn’t eat it too often. he’s pretty naturally awake and alert but will drink coffee or tea in the morning.

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?

uhhhh gay probably. he likes the traits i mentioned before, i don’t think he’s that picky otherwise. if u need a good example just *points at easton*

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?

he kinda already achieved his goals but i guess his new goals aside from his ranch are like, helping easton and his crew with their problems. he doesn’t have any secret ambitions and he would sacrifice a lot of a lot of different things, he’s a very giving person.

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?

he’s religious but not like suuuper into it; like he’s still got beliefs and prays and stuff but otherwise nobody really knows that about him unless they ask him about his cross tattoo.

44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most?

summer! he likes the weather to be bright and sunny; he tolerates the cold but prefers it to be warm.

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?

it’s generally pretty similar

46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?

he’s not the best at first impressions and might say something stupid tbh but he Tries at least.

47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?

he’s not a big fan of formal stuff. he’d wear a suit if he really had to but he doesn’t really enjoy it. he’ll chat with people are fancy parties just because it’s in his nature.

48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend?

he likes small parties with friends! at-home stuff where people just talk and laugh and drink and eat, y’know

49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?

he’s very sentimental but he doesn’t take much with him anywhere. i’m not sure what his most valued object would be, maybe some old gun or statuette his family gave him a long times ago or something.

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials?

food and a map or smth, he’s not very good at travel stuff

#jay-noeyes #mack #long post #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #dude i forgot mack had a last name for like 10 minutes and then i opened his toyhou.se to look at his tats and i was like OHHH #*forgets stuff about my own oc who ive been thinkin about for the last few weeks* ALRIGHT #speakin #wamtag

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Corona California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 92881

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Corona California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 92881

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Your car insurance price?

Please put your age, car, and how much it costs every month, thankssss""

Health insurance for a married couple.?

My wife and I haven't had insurance since we graduated college this past winter and moved to California. We are now waiting for me to start dental school in the fall and I am working at a company in California with no benefits. We have one child who is covered and thus doesn't need to coverage. So we are looking to find insurance from now until mid August (about 5 months). Do we need to get short term insurance? What should we expect to pay for the two of us? Should/can we get covered individually? Any companies that you suggest? We would be more interested in low premium high deductible.

What manufacturer is the cheapest scooter/moped/50cc to insure?

I am 16 and loking for a cheap insurance site for a scooter/moped/50cc Enduro bike, Does anybody know the cheapest manufacturer and insurance site? Thanks Anton""

Do people with learner's permit have to be on the insurance? ?

I am 15 turning 15 1/2 on oct. 29 and my mom says I cant get my permit until she gets insurance on the car.How much does it cost exactly?

What is the best life insurance?

I wouls like to make sure that my partner and my mother are safe if something happens to me. What is the best insurance? Also: Does life insurance also cover critical illness?

Question about health insurance?

I went to the ER in late May and I recently got promoted so I applied for health insurance. However, my health insurance does not go into effect til July. I was told by the hospital that I will be billed in about 2 -3 months. Is there anyway I can use my insurance for the bill or will I have to pay out of pocket?""

HELP! Insurance company trying to low ball estimate?

Back in April I was driving and a lady tried switching lanes and struck my vehicle. I immediately went to an auto body shop and got an estimate for the damage, they took photos and everything. I've been contacting her insurance and dealing with this for over two months... I had to send them the police report because the woman tried lying and said I hit her, so I had to prove she was at fault. They would never return my calls. Until I talked to the field adjuster. He then called me yesterday told me he got the estimate from the body shop which was one of their recommended shops, and was mailing me the check for the damage. However he failed to tell me the check he was sending was for $1000 less than the estimate. I don't agree with this, what do I do? I called and no one will call me back from the company Also, I own my car outright. It's a 2004 tiburon is excellent condition. The insurance company was giving me issues about me wanting the check sent to me. I plan on getting the damages repaired that are necessary but leaving what isn't and keeping the money that's left over. I'm not even making them get me a rental for the time I don't have the car! Please help The company is American family.""

Where do I look for Health Insurance?

In a month I'll be 18. I don't smoke and I'm enrolled in college. I want to find something affordable and simple, but mostly affordable. Who do I talk to and how will I know its a good deal? Another question is when I go to a hospital, do I have to pay it all upfront or can I make payments over time? (In two weeks I'll be getting the Implanon and its been set for about four months and my mother never bothered to tell me we lost out insurance. And the implant can be $400-$800 and I dont know the cost of a visit to a OBGYN at a hospital.) What else do I need to know about insurance?""

Keep insurance if I am selling the car?

I am selling a car that I still have financed. Do I still have to have insurance (full coverage) if I'm selling it and I'm not driving it at all? Ohio Law plz

Insurance Types?

Is there a type of insurance that covers any type of damages you cause? Specifically destruction of a mattress.

How much would car insurance cost for me(2010 camaro)?

alright...I am finally getting my car this summer! im turning 17...and im thinking about what car im going to get...im pretty settled on a camaro 2lt or one of the ss's. I was just wondering how much insurance would cost for that...since im so young and its a brand new sprots car...are there some companys that would be a little cheaper or would all of them be pretty much the same?

Stick with USAA auto insurance? Or shop around?

I always thought they were not just the best, but also the cheapest (if you qualify to insure with them). But I'd like confirmation of this, or other opinions... should I shop around for my auto insurance? Switching to another insurer seems almost unthinkable - I've only ever been with USAA...""

Corona California Cheap car insurance quotes zip 92881

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/life-insurance-how-does-help-isaiah-woods/"

0 notes

thedegenerateasexual · 7 years

Text

more let’s talk about love under the cut, chapters 17-26:

chapter 17:

this is fully just a feenie and alice fight and tbh feenie is so in the wrong it’s ridiculous

“[Ryan] thinks we ditched you last night.”

“You did ditch me.” She laughed a little.

“Yeah. Well. Anyway, just call him.”

Alice couldn’t even pretend to be mad. Ryan had to be the sweetest person on the planet and besides, it had all worked out. “So you’re just not going to apologize?” she joked.

“Are you going to apologize?” Feenie shot back.

“For what?”

“For fucking leaving.”

(Ah, there it was.)

(Damn it.)

“Um, well, not to be petty, but you left me first.”

“We went upstairs. You actually left the party. That is not the same thing.” She looked Alice right in the eyes. “I’m not going to apologize for having sex with my boyfriend when you fucking jumped ship the first chance you got because you couldn’t stand being alone for thirty minutes. Miss me with that bullshit.”

WOW

dude she was ASSAULTED and could have been RAPED you do not get to be like that lmao it was unsafe for her to be there alone

so much for feenie being the good egg

chapter 18:

so she’s telling takumi about the fight and feenie and ryan and:

“Tell me about them. What do you like most?”

“Ryan is the literal light of my life. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone as considerate and driven as him. He’s all-around amazing. And Feenie, well, she’s my oldest friend and soulmate. Her word, not mine, but I believe it,” Alice said before laughing at a random memory that popped into her head. “When we were little, people used to call us Ebony and Ivory, which is kind of offensive now that I’m thinking about it.”

“But she’s dating Ryan? And you’re okay with that?” The back end of her taco fell onto her plate with a small bit of it landing on her shirt. Takumi passed her some napkins.

“Oh, it’s not like a romantic kind of soulmate,” she said, dabbing her shirt. “Feenie’s pretty hardcore, but she has her sentimental moments. Once she said if reincarnation were real, we’d meet each other in every single life because nothing can keep us apart. We’re meant to be.”

He looked confused. “If you’re soulmates, aren’t you supposed to be in love with each other? That’s how it works.”

“I suppose it could be romantic or whatever, but she has Ryan. They’re meant to be right now, but we’re meant to be forever, if that makes sense.”

He finished chewing before saying, “Not really.”

Oh Boy

omg aw he offered to let her crash at his place for a bit until it blows over

“I never lived with my best friends, but I know what it’s like when they start dating and suddenly, everything feels like them versus you and they’re all you have. You don’t have to slink around feeling terrible. If you need space, I have space.”

She wanted to kiss his cheek.

Kiss. His. Cheek.

alice is so gone. i have only liked someone enough to voluntarily kiss their cheek one (1) time. it’s a rare feeling. i guess she cheek kisses more than i do tho. she platonically cheek-kisses!

hahahahaha and so since he’s babysitting his nieces that evening guess who gets roped into it! i would probably literally kiss a stranger on the cheek before i willingly interacted with their children alone

chapter 19:

while crashed out at takumi’s alice looks at one of his photography albums:

Near the end of the album, it happened: Takumi and the girl kissing.

“Wow, you’re real fond of that whole kissing thing.”

“And you’re not?”

“I don’t dislike kissing.” Alice closed that album and picked another. “I also don’t take pictures of myself while doing it.”

alice u liar u hate kissing

haha look at her fishing around to see if it’s safe tho

“So,” Alice began, drawing out the word, “kissing is important to you?”

“Honestly expressing my feelings is important to me.” He flipped a page. There were several pictures of a bonfire at night. A Southeast-Asian guy with dewy brown skin was wrapped in a red blanket, laughing in one photo. “Sometimes that means kissing. Or spending three days editing photos and videos together for my brother. Or letting a girl I just met stay in my house and look through my pictures because she’s scared to go home.”

i cannot BELIEVE he is being so smooth when she is literally going thru pics of him & his ex...also like How Candid honestly

“I spend a lot of time trying to figure stuff out. Like, my feelings and sorting through my thoughts. I don’t think I overthink, but I like to know why things are the way they are for me and why they’re different for someone else.”

“I think everyone does that.”

“No, they don’t. At least, I don’t think they do. Not the way I do it,” she said. “So. Like. If I ask you something and it seems strange, I’m not being weird, I’m trying to understand.”

ACE MOOD like i said it’s a contemplative existence

chapter 20:

aw man alice went back to therapy after all just to talk about feenie and ryan (theyre still not speaking)

it’s not a v long chapter but anyways

chapter 21:

Ryan caved first.

THANK GOD

Feenie took longer to come around. No one mentioned anything, let alone apologized. Her simply consisted of asking Alice if Family Night for that week could be on Thursday. When she had learned Alice had been hiding at Takumi’s, she curiously had nothing to say, no questions to ask, no teasing jokes to make Alice squirm.

yikes

yk tho for real feenie is a really well written character...like alice, you want to like her, but part of you also wonder if the relation has played its course, which is heartbreaking. nice job 10/10

anyway she and ryan are hanging out and takumi called her from a bar for a ride lol he’s hammered

and ryan like...really really tried to get her to not leave again and she kissed him on the cheek again? and before i was like, aw, cute, how platonic! and now i am Wary of both ryan and feenie. like is he emotionally cheating on feenie with her...is that a thing...i don’t like it

OH SHIT back at his house he’s gotten kind of rambly and:

“If you were dating someone, and you knew they loved you with their whole heart, had absolutely no doubts about it, could you cheat on them?”

Obviously, that question sent her mind into overdrive, connecting all the dots. A roommate who moved out suddenly. A part-time job to cover his rent. Essie telling her he’s single “now.”

Takumi had a someone.

A someone who had, apparently, cheated on him.

hhhhholy shit

“Me personally?” she asked finally. “No. I mean, it’s highly unlikely.”

Cheating on someone was one of those things she was destined to never understand. Choosing to not have sex with someone else didn’t seem like that hard of a concept to grasp, and yet she had comforted more than one person who had been cheated on.

you should NOT have to be ace to understand this shit why are people Like this

So he told her.

All of it.

Everything Alice did and didn’t want to know.

Takumi and his ex-girlfriend and former almost-wife, Rena, had started dating in college when they were nineteen. And it just … worked. They had gone to the same college, lived together for two years, and then earlier this year, she cheated on him. She had always been a social butterfly (his words) and an innocent flirt (her words), but when it came to some guy named Thad (Alice’s words: “Really? That’s his name?”), that innocence fluttered. Except it wasn’t only Thad. She cheated again with someone else. And once more for good measure before they broke up.

They began talking again a few weeks ago, very tentative (his words). Tomorrow night, they were supposed to have dinner to talk about being friends again and possiblyseeing if that could lead somewhere back to being together, but he had seen her kissing some guy downtown earlier. Which was why he was so drunk. He realized that even though she might have missed him (her words), she didn’t really want to be with him anymore (his words).

Y I K E S

ohhh man this is so sweet though like he asked her for relationship advice and she totally fumbled through it because of limited experience but she honest-to-god tried her best

chapter 22:

lol alice’s mom called and is on her ass about being a lawyer again...alice was like gimme 3 weeks to come up w/ a new plan bc i cant deal w/ being a lawyer im proud of her

oh shit it’s feenie backstory time

“Marie called me yesterday.” Marie—Feenie’s mom. “She worked whatever connections she has and had my case for fighting that dude in the bar last year thrown out. Apparently, that gave her the right to interrogate me. She wanted to know when I was going back to school, why I was wasting my life, why I was embarrassing her like this.” Feenie exhaled. “I want to have a family with Ryan because that’s what’s right for me. I don’t get how me wanting to get knocked up and be a housewife affects her. She doesn’t want me to have kids, so she’s never going to see them. Even if I die, she will never see them.”

Alice knew that. She’d known it for years.

In elementary school, when they were told to be doctors and astronauts and firefighters, Feenie stood up and said she wanted to be a mom. Back then, her favorite game had been House. Feenie was always the stay-at-home mom, while Alice was the working mom, and they had seven stuffed-animal children. Feenie did all the cooking, cleaning, and made sure Alice had her newspaper when she got home from work.

She wanted to be everything Marie hadn’t been for her even then.

Their relationship ultimately died when Marie wished Feenie had never been born. She said Feenie ruined all the plans she’d had for herself.

ohhhhh honey ))): okay some of my waryness has abated no wonder she’s like that

oh nevermind feenie immediately bit her head off when she mentioned takumi feenie sucks

chapter 23:

movie night with takumi and alice!! not much to copypasta but this near the end:

She took a deep breath. “I’m not ready to share. I don’t want to tell you.”

It was his turn to fix her hood. (He knew not to touch her hair.) “Okay,” he said. “You don’t ever have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

But part of her did want to. Her secret shouldn’t even have been one—it should have been a nonissue. Why couldn’t being asexual just be accepted?

Why did she have to spend the rest of her life coming out over and over and over…? And once she did, would people always expect her to talk about it? It would always be a huge deal, she would always be subjected to questions, and she would always have to defend herself.

Would it ever stop feeling like A Thing, a barrier, between her and everyone else?

LITERALLY! god what a mood

chapter 24:

also short, but when alice spotted feenie shopping for wedding dresses and offered to come along we had this exchange:

Feenie clicked her tongue. “Sure you can pry yourself away from Takumi long enough to spend time with me?”

Alice sighed and stood up. Feenie didn’t stop her.

ok look 1. feenie was so disappointed they didnt bang and now this?? 2. she gets to ditch alice at the party to be with her BF but alice doesn’t get to date anyone?? wow

chapter 25:

i could have honestly pasted the entire thing because it’s so goddamn cute and i can’t pick a favorite part but the tl;dr is that takumi is sick and alice went over to take care of him and he kept talking about how great she was in a slightly fever-addled way

wait no i can paste my least favorite part:

“Yeah. I haven’t heard from him in two days, but he called in sick on Saturday.”

Ryan twirled the screwdriver between his fingers, focused. “Are you sure he’s actually sick?”

“It’s either that or he’s packing and needed some time off.” Alice shrugged. “He already signed the lease for his new place.”

“Maybe he’s doing something else that doesn’t involve you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Ryan’s face was so open, so honest. It always told the truth before he was ready to speak.

(Basically, he couldn’t lie to save his life.)

“I just think it’s funny that you talk to him and see him every day and all of a sudden he disappears and doesn’t tell you why. I mean, you’re guessing he’s sick or packing. You don’t actually know.”

WHY are they being like this with her wow they are HORRIBLE best friends

also, theyre getting married in 6 months vs two years suddenly. feenie moved up the date :/

chapter 26:

ALICE AND FEENIE AND RYAN ARE FINALLY HAVING IT OUT:

“You spend a lot of time with him.”

“You two spend a lot of time together without me.”

“That’s different. We’re engaged.”

“So I’m just supposed to sit around and wait for you both to remember I exist?”

“Of course not, but you shouldn’t edge us out. You’re the one making it as if it has to be him or us.”

“How am I doing that? And why is this all my fault? Why do you two have a Get Out of Ditching Alice pass that I’m supposed to accept because you say so? How is that fair to me?”

“We don’t ditch you,” Ryan said.

“You do. You have for years. I just don’t say anything because I don’t want us to fight, but the second I find an actual friend on my own, you two act like this. Neither of you said anything when I spent time with Margot. Why is Takumi suddenly different?”

shit dude! she’s right! and then feenie enters:

“Maybe we minded then and didn’t say anything either.”

Alice whipped around at the sound of Feenie’s voice. Feenie leaned against the refrigerator, arms crossed.

“Maybe,” she continued, “we were really hurt, but you were too busy being happy to notice. Just like right now.”

An enraged fierceness made the edges of Alice’s vision turn red. She balled her hands into fists. “I wouldn’t even have met Margot if you hadn’t decided to move in with Ryan at the last minute. The millisecond you two started dating, he came first. You started to choose him over me every single time.” She turned that rage on Ryan. “And you have always chosen her over me.” Her phone buzzed. “Takumi’s outside.” She slung her purse strap over her shoulder while marching for the door.

man this is fucking sad i hope they make this better somehow :/

anyway she goes to hang out w/ takumi and

“You wound me, madam.” He clutched his chest, wincing. “Especially since it’s your fault. It’s hard not to have an ego when you’ve told me you love my beautiful face.”

“Shut it.”

“How beautiful are we talking here? What’s my code?”

She groaned. “Not this again.”

OMG IS SHE GONNA TELL HIM...i’m on the edge of my seat here

“Tell me and I’ll bake you cookies when I’m not sick.”

“What kind of cookies?” she asked, leaning back into his arms. “And you have to use real flour. None of that ultra-buckwheat high-fiber stuff.”

“Oatmeal chocolate chip?”

“Deal.” She stared at the ceiling. “Black. I’d like two dozen cookies, please.”

just shrieked

“Black? I thought the Cutie Code was Green to Red.”

“It is. Was.” The gears and wheels turning inside Alice’s head locked into place as realization sank in. Meeting Takumi had challenged everything she thought she knew about herself, made her work to find out who she was on a fundamental level. He challenged her in the best way possible, wholly unaware of the effect he had on her, pushing her so far out of her comfort zone she had to question everything. She had discovered, no, was still discovering, who she was now, who she wanted to be, what she could and could not handle. He had given her a reason to reconnect with herself.

Feenie had been right—this, he, would always be someone she would want to remember.

“You exceeded my Cutie Code,” she said. “You’re the reason why I retired it. I don’t need it anymore.”

NOOOOO she should keep her cutie code! don’t throw it away fro some boy! even a great boy! it’s too good!

“I need to tell you something.” She took a step back. “Like, whatever you’re going to say, don’t say it because I need to tell you this first.”

O H S H I T HERE IT COMES

i know this is probably a happy book and he’ll accept her but i’m still so stressed out

“So you know how some people like jogging?”

“I’m one of those people, so yes.”

“Ah, yeah, okay. That worked out.” Her breathy laugh sounded forced. “So, you see, I am not one of those people. I don’t care about jogging.”

“Mmm…” He squinted at her for a moment. “Somehow, I knew that.”

“Oh, great. Good. This is going well.” Her hands began to shake. She pressed her fingers to her lips to steel herself before continuing. “Now take the word jogging and replace it with sex.”

“You don’t like sex?”

(Wow, he asked that fast.)

“No.” She held up her hand. “No, the correct sentence is I don’t care about sex.” She took a deep breath and held it. “Because I’m not sexually attracted to anyone.”

HTAT’S A GREAT ANALOGY

that’s much better than my “i’m the way gay guys feel about girls and the way gay girls feel about guys all at the same time”

“Huh,” he said, face neutral. “I thought you were bisexual.”

“I am. Minus the sexual.” She waited, watching him process through her answer. She waited for the judgment, the questions, the confusion, the thoughtful concern followed by the inevitable interruptions. Second by second, it dawned on her that she waited in vain because he was waiting for her. “My sexuality is nope.” She laughed with relief because still, second by second, he continued to wait, to listen. So she laughed again, tiny bubbles of happy that floated out of her.

HES LISTENING TO HER I LOVE THIS NOBODY ELSE BOTHERED BUT HE’S LISTENING

“How many people have you told?”

“Explicitly? You’re number four. Feenie, Ryan, and a counselor I’m seeing.”

Takumi started to speak but closed his mouth and stood up straight, focusing on the counter. Each second he didn’t look at her made tiny seeds of dread bloom in the depths of her soul. “That’s why you’re happy,” he mumbled. He nodded as if he couldn’t stop and sighed before looking at her again. His eyes had taken on a glossy, reddened tint.

“Thank you for trusting me. Realizing that, um,” Takumi said, pausing for a moment, “that hit me kind of hard.”

“What do you mean?” Alice asked quietly.

“Four. Obviously, you’ve been keeping this a secret for a reason.”

She hadn’t been thinking about trust when she told him. Ryan and Feenie had been there when she figured it out (thank God). Dr. Burris had to pry it out of her, didn’t he? And she still couldn’t say the word properly to him. Telling Takumi had been a choice—not by chance or out of necessity. It was her decision, completely on her own.

(She trusted him.)

htis fucking book hasnt made me cry in like a dozen chapters and i thought the heavy shit was over but nooooooo

and like lol i keep saying this text is calling me out...not to get personal, Again, but literally u realize stuff about urself when you read shit like this...i always play like i’m so comfortable with everything but the truth is i put ace on my profile and let other people google it and it has nothing to do with me i never see it--i dont think i’ve ever told ANYBODY irl so like...tbh i couldn’t get it out as well as she did i bet like you go alice

“I wasn’t trying to have sex with you the other night,” he said. “And I am so, so sorry if I made you feel that way.”

He was so close and so far away, as if there was an imaginary pane of glass between them. She wanted him to hug her and make the tension go away.

“No, I didn’t think that at all. That’s not why I told you.”

“This should go without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway, partly because I want to, but also because I think you need to hear it. If knowing you’re asexual makes someone see you differently, then they don’t deserve to be in your life. My feelings for you are exactly the same as they were an hour ago. This doesn’t change anything between us.”

HEYYYYYYYYYY YEAH!!!!! i’m so happy for her!!!!!!!!!!!!! if anybody ever said anything like this to me i’d die on the spot!!!!!!!! YOU GO ALICE

gotta break this post here bc it’s getting long again, hopefully i can finish the rest of the book before dawn & in the next one

#personal #LTAL

0 notes

cleocazo · 7 years

Note

RYLEX

send me a ship !!

who cries when someone dies in a movie : they both get a lil upset but neither cries that would be showing weakness to each other

who wears the ugly holiday garb : neither celebrate the holidays much but rylie loves the ugly christmas jumper thing so every yr she makes alex wear one for at least one good instagram

who pays for the meals : they split the cost bc that’s how it be

who slams the oven door and who plays the trombone : alex slams the oven door and rylie plays the trombone

who brings home stray animals : rylie has brought home a stray dog or two in her time, but neither makes a habit of it - they don’t really have the kinda jobs that allow for pets

who leaves the bathroom door open : isn’t that just smth you do when you’re in a relationship and comfy w someone ? both

who tells the ‘dad jokes’ : honestly .. rylie. and the worst thing is that she genuinely entertains herself

who wants kids more : looks into the camera like i’m on the office. rylie never wanted kids until the uh. the incident. but alex i think kinda did want kids n just didnt want them At That Time. so its a weird one. i think in the ideal future where all these questions apply then both of them want kids as much as the other

who travels more : not to make it a habit but they do both have to travel a lot. alex for games, rylie for missions

who spends more cash : alex. he gets used to and enjoys a fairly cushy lifestyle

who buys the things in infomercials : i can see alex watching late night tv and getting so bored that he wastes twenty dollars on a head scratcher or smth

who draws in the dust on their cars : they draw on each others without realizing what the other has done bc that’s how they are

who starts the snowball fights : rylie. she loves when she wins

who throws away the directions to things : A L E X. he’s a MAN. he would wholly trust google maps and or his sat nav to get them where they need to be and throw out the actual paper directions and then complain when they end up in the middle of nowhere bc of his dumbass

who puts up holiday decor : neither. i don’t know but i feel correct in saying alex doesn’t rly care about the holidays, and rylie certainly doesnt. if anyone puts up the decor its their imaginary kids

who is more likely to forget to bathe : disgusting. alex.

who gets more obsessed about things : both can b bad for this, in fairness?

who sings in the shower more often : alex sings taylor swift really badly in the shower and its usually what wakes rylie up so she can join him and they can do something that’s Not singing

how they comfort each other when one of them is upset : u mean, when they’re not the reason the other is upset ? haha. sex is always good for alex. im half kidding. it depends. sometimes its as easy as him being able to rest his head in her lap, or be the little spoon, or just holding her hand. sometimes its not, ya kno ? same for rylie. a lot of the time she just needs to crawl into his lap and be pulled close. sometimes its more complicated.

who proposed first : ive just realized never once in any of our au’s have we discussed a proposal @ sophia ?? what the fuc ??

who says ‘i love you’ more : both rly struggled w it, but rylie accepted that she loved him first, and i think for a long time, she said it more than he did. but even then when he didnt say it, alex showed that he cared

kisses more : kisses r kinda their thing, tbh. they’re def alex’s fave way of displaying physical affection so him

hugs more : rylie likes hugs so she’s more of the hug kind

drinks more : they are literally both alcoholics

who’s more outgoing : alex but that’s bc he’s always been like. that kinda Guy(tm)

who eats more : alex bc he is a guy

who’s more needy : sigh. i feel like its rylie ?? like. she needs more assurance of their relationship than he ever did. like. in MOST ways, its her. in some ways ig its him but ya mostly her

who’s more kinky : alex is happy so long as he’s orgasming at the end of it so. rylie.

who cooks normally? : nether can be trusted in a kitchen, ever. rylie gets her meals straight from natasha who either keeps a plate warm for her to grab after work on her way home, or preps meals that rylie can microwave over the week. like. if ur stepmother doesnt even trust you not to accidentally poison yourself, its bad ! alex lives on takeout which u wouldnt think based on his physique

how often do they fight? : depends on the time. when they’re grown and happy its a lot less than when they were angsty and learning how to even care abt someone else

what do they do when they’re away from each other? : their jobs. but they’ll facetime n text n stuff ( and its not ALWAYS dirty ! ), and they’ll watch game of thrones together ( and other shows, like trashy reality tv ) over rabbit, and like.. they try to keep things kinda normal even though they’re not on the same stretch of earth bc they’re apart a lot, and if they didnt it’d be hell.

nicknames for each other? : aside from the occasional ‘babe’ n whatnot, rylie really just alternates between calling him alex and kaligaris ( if she’s exasperated or mad or smth ) and alex usually just calls her ry

who is more likely to pay for dinner? : they split the bill bc equality

who steals the covers at night? : they’re both really cold people. like. not personality wise. just physically cold. so they’ve learned they need to have two duvets, bc otherwise someone will inevitably steal it

what would they get each other for gifts? : alex’s can range from thoughtful to condoms he bought in the airport coupled with a cheeky grin. rylie’s are usually more sentimental, bc she doesn’t rly agree in gifts without some of that value to them

who remembers things? : rylie’s great at remembering everything from dates to names to faces. alex ? not so much !

who cusses more? : alex is the worst.com for that

what would they do if the other one was hurt? : well. they both conquer their fear of hospitals p quick, thats for sure ! it’s very much a ‘drop everything and get to them asap’ thing - they have to be there, so that they can be with them thru whatever it is. rylie will take care of him for as long as he needs. she’ll try and make him soup and then give up and buy it and she’ll take him to his appointments and make sure that he takes it easy bc lbr its almost always something leg related because of his job and if its not then she still does everything until she’s sure he’s aok. and a lot of the time for alex being w rylie when she’s injured means sitting by her bedside @ the hospital and waiting to see does she actually wak up and every time its hard to know. and then it’s awkward hovering and not rly knowing what to do w her or for her for a while until he has to go back to work and unlike rylie cant take as long as he wants grace and mostly she recovers alone but he’s always there, at first

who kissed who first?: im almost sure it was rylie that kissed alex first but

who made the first move? : it was a mutual first move

who started the relationship? : rylie was the one that needed it. alex didn’t care at the time, but she rly needed that

#answered #twin*#ship: two broken pieces #c: rylie barton #opp: alexander kaligaris

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droppingthebasssince1997 · 7 years

Text

Even though its January 14th and new years was 14 days ago i just feel the need to talk about some stuff thats happened. Im not the kind of person to talk about things that happened. I’d rather keep it in and figure it out myself cause i guess I'm just used to it and also its so hard for me to voice out my emotions at some times. I just can never put it into words. 2017 was honestly the hardest year of my life and i know there are people out there who have it way worse but it was pretty shitty. So many things happened. I fell in love with an abusive, angry, self indulged coke head who made me hate myself and made me feel like everything i did in life was stupid. I stopped believing in myself, slacked hella in school, skipped school to basically be his fucking maid. all i did was clean, cook, sleep, drink and repeat this entire cycle. and if he was having a rough day well that just meant that id get yelled at for the tiniest things even if it means us arguing over who could get a can of pop. I guess thats when i stopped caring about everything, my mental health and physical health, my relationship with my family and friends (the 2 friends that i had lol) and my education. I was so lost and confused that I had pretty much given up on everything. I stopped trying to be positive or doing everything with a smile like i usually do. Long story short I had a little slip on june 9th. that was the day when i decided to end everything. fortunately enough i got stopped and long story short i got slapped with a record for trying to call out for help. Instead of saying its okay for wanting everything to stop in life for once, the first thing the psychiatrist told me at 12pm (after being taken in at 4am and being kept there) was that i was slapped with a criminal record. After he said that i guess i just shut down as usual. why the fuck would you consider someone a criminal for trying to kill themselves. Till this day i can't put the pieces together or come up with an idea of why they would do so. yes i had empty blow bags in my wallet and maybe its because i was drinking that night but still it made no sense in my head. It made me feel unimportant and unworthy despite everything that i had just went through. I didn’t talk to anyone for 3 days and funny story even tho i was told to stay away from alcohol my ex and his fam still got drunk and drank around me the entire night. the same night i got out of the hospital. I spent the first night alone because well everyone was partying and I didn't have any good friends to talk to. I lost kalli because i was dating a jerk and i lost kayla well basically because she had a busy life. long story short my parents found out i was lying about doing summer school and i went back to live with them beginning july. i really broke their hearts and my dad didn't talk to me or even look at me for 2 weeks. My dad is a sweetheart and in my 20 years on this planet he has raised his voice at me once and he apologized 30 minutes after. I really hurt them and I guess i waS still to dumb to see how i was still hurting them. i was still with josh the entire summer and i would come home hammered and coked out at 3 in the morning way past my curfew and fight with my parents. it got so bad once to the point where my dad and i got almost got into a physical fight. I was trying to leave the house and he grabbed all my stuff and chucked it. It was a horrible night. that was also the night i came clean to my mom about everything except coke because i don't think i could ever come clean about it. long story short i decided education was what i wanted to do for the rest of my life esp after having a great time during the summer being a summer camp leader. So i went back to kelowna to start year 2 well kinda. I was on probation cause i fucked year 1 up hard. i was still with that jerk but my good friends that i lived with made me realize what he was doing to me. he had me shoved up against car doors and walls while being right up in my face yelling at me. or getting made and pushing me because i accidentally lost cocaine. well i finally got the courage to break up with him for good. It was probably the hardest thing i have ever done. I never thought i could break up with him or get out of that abusive relationship. and sometimes it still hits me that I'm done with his bullshit for good and I'm okay. Im safe and I'm never going back there and he can never ever hurt me again. I guess I'm just scared and so fucking angry at myself for not seeing everything and the larger picture. I called myself a feminist for the longest time and would be like “how can girls stay in abusive relationships?” and now i know how. Being manipulated and controlled is a real thing. You are completely blinded by everything. your sense of power and identity get ripped away from you and your abuser becomes the only thing you have and find comfort in. Its weird and some people might not understand it. But i sure do and i finally realized all the things he had done to me. mentally and emotionally. anyways this is where 2017 got better for me. I started talking to my old friend edwin again. Josh made me ghost him when we got together. we talked everyday. it was like nothing had changed and within 2 days of talking to him i basically told him everything that happened in a year and 7 months. it was a lot tbh and i never actually noticed haha. but he stuck thru everything including my wild drunk nights out. I turned into something else and hoed around. I guess it was my way of dealing with stuff and found comfort in seeing guys? Because i didn't know who i was and my confidence was so used to being dependent on a guy for security and empowerment that i couldn't do it alone. I couldn't empower myself and thats mainly the reason to why i slept around. anyways edwin and i talked 25/7 day and night and we got so close without even realizing it. we gave each other relationship advice as he was seeing a couple girls and so was I. when i came back for reading break he kissed me and thats when i realized he had feelings for me all this while. I was so blinded by all these fuck boys to see he was right under my nose the entire time. and when he was flirting with me he actually was flirting with me and not joking about it. well i made a mistake after but long story short i liked him in an instant. i liked him more than like. i loved him but i knew it was too soon. i was scared to get serious so fast considering its only been a couple months since i broke up with josh. anyways he asked me out and i said yes in a heartbeat. He is not like any other guy and i know it. he’s far from them and he;s never going to hurt me. he didn't even have to say that to reassure me i just know. and I'm dating my best friend like how much better could it get. he helped me get sober and i could be 5 months sober but i had slip up. so its been 2 months fully clean and i couldn't feel anymore cleaner and pure. end of 2017 started to look better for me. I started dating my best friend, got sober, got out of probation, got a job in kelowna and my relationship with my parents got so so so strong. My mom and I haven't been closer and its honestly the best. little did i know we are the same person esp when drunk haha. But then some stuff with my little sister when down and i ratted her to my parents because it was the only way to get her out of that situation. anyways she doesn't talk to me anymore or ever. And i guess I'm so hurt and thats why i decided to write everything out because I'm hurt. I lost my best friend since 2013. yes she is my sister but she is also my best friend. If you ask me who i want as my bridesmaid id say shalini right off the hook. without thinking because when we moved here we had no one but each other. we moved half way across the country and left everything and everyone behind just because I was failing school in singapore. we got close i guess after only having each other and it just stings a little that she can't trust me cause who do i trust now.I know i have edwin but its different. she’s my sister she just knows me like no body else. we were fobs together and we matured and grew together. i don't have any other girl friends i trust besides her. i don't have a girl best friend and i guess I'm just sad over that. I lost all my girl best friends cause of josh and the others are back home half way across the fucking world and i just don't mean as much as i used to to them. distance and time difference can play a part lol. I really don't know what got to me to talk about everything or at least a couple things but maybe its just cause i finally got my period after 3 months and I'm super emotional and hormonal? sighs anyways i know 2018 is going to be my year and so many things are happening this year its defs gonna be a year to remember. I just wish for my best friend to come back or for me to find a good girlfriend who's on my level and wants to talk to me about her date or texts me while she;s on her date or something or comes over to nap or eat food or netflx or maybe go shopping with idk. i know i already have a friend./ twin sister like that, hanna, but she’s half way across the country and boy have we distanced. anyways i took like 45 mins typing this out and crying so i think its time to toughen up and get back to reality and life. Im a strong girl who’s been thru a couple things and with that experience of being hurt, used and manipulated I'm gonna make a change and 2018 is going to be waaaay different. I got this, all of it.

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