#and im gonna try taking it a bit easier than i usually do when it comes 2 posting

[quinn-pop]

let’s do some autistic meta knight headcanons!! over explaining my interpretation of meta knight yet again wooooo

this orb has NO idea how to talk to people!!! outside of work anyway. a lot of this is partially due to upbringing (suppressing his emotions all the time) but he does not know how to express emotions, like…at all.

this goes into a few things

1. yeah talking is hard. even after figuring out what he wants to communicate he will struggle. conversation can be so overwhelming, especially under pressure. he will need time lol

2. because of that, forming connections is hard. i really don’t think meta is much for shallow relationships, and certainly not early in the timeline. which also means he has very little experience with friendship. so a lot of the relationships he did have went kinda neglected, and issues that probably could’ve been worked on by talking became…*cough romk* escalated.

3. honestly i wouldn’t be surprised if meta convinced himself he couldn’t feel emotion (anymore) until like. katam-ish. he tried very hard lol

vulnerability is terrifying. (though this gesture here is also just comforting, like his little cape cocoon thing he does.)

unmasking—yeah im taking the mask thing very literally here—is a big deal and a very slow process for mk. i’m sure he has a lot of feelings on that lol. it served as a way to ensure no one could ever, y’know, see him.

i can’t say i think he’d ever fully ditch it—there’s always gonna be some days that are more stressful than others and if having it could help him get through it, it just makes sense. mainly when working.

it really is about vulnerability. granted, i don’t think he has the most expressive face (in my head every astral just tends to stare at things) but i doubt he has much control over it. can’t fake a smile but also can’t hide it. probably blushes easy because yeah, astrals; just look at kirby’s face.

just the idea that someone might be able to read his expression and know what he’s feeling before he’s ready for them to (or even understands it himself…) yeah he doesn’t want that

but emotional turmoil aside, i think his mask also hides a lot of his stims

remember that whole “suppressing your feelings” thing? yeah turns out that ignoring half your instincts isn’t a good idea. so in true meta knight style, he tries to stim as subtly as possible

1. he has the least control over his wings, so they will flick and twitch on their own. they’re usually a good indicator of how he’s feeling, not unlike the body language usually seen in cat ears and tails lol. flapping is also an extension of this of course, though he probably suppresses it more.

2. this also effects when he takes his wings out. pretty much every time he’s excited or nervous it just happens. kinda makes me wonder if his wing cape ordeal might also go into the suppression thing… (i’d say yes, but using a cape is also very comforting so it’s not necessarily a bad thing)

3. going back to the mask thing; he stims a lot underneath it. think like biting or pursing your lips. he bites his tongue and clicks his mouth. that sort of thing. his mask also makes it harder to notice that he is constantly sighing, humming, grumbling…all that

one nice thing about the mask though is that it helps a little bit with lights!!! woo

(look at him and his magically floating glasses)

sensory stuff—i think he’s mostly bothered by light and sound. maybe a bit of texture. he’s pretty sensory avoidant and perfectly happy standing off to the side not touching anything.

the one exception to this is physical affection, which is, despite all of this, most of how he shows affection. it’s a lot easier to hug someone than to try to explain your feelings for them, after all.

i think he would like pressure though. so that’s probably part of it. and i’m pretty sure there’s some connection in here to fighting (dang, is that the only way he knows how to get his energy out?)

anyway, pretty much all of this is in contrast to kirby, who i would gladly nominate as the champion of Doing Whatever He Wants. he might pick up a few bad habits, but he will never mask the way meta knight does. he might not understand how he feels, but he’s in tune enough to express it…usually.

this is a very good thing for meta because it helps him to do the same thing. kirby’s so energetic, it’s hard to not want to stim with him. it reminds meta to be kinder to himself and explore his own emotions. he can also help kirby understand themselves, so this connection is very important.

yeah, at the end of the day, everything kinda just boils down to kirby and mk as parallels

this is the conclusion i promise

to me, meta’s arc is about growing stronger by growing kinder, and this is mostly by learning to be kind to himself. letting himself be a person again, loving and understanding other people, and eventually, letting go of all the expectations placed on him and doing the things he’s always wanted to do…

autism headcanons are fun for me because it’s cathartic to write, but at the same time, it just makes sense in this sort of narrative. meta is, to me, inseparable from these things. and so is kirby! that’s a dynamic that’s a lot of fun to play with, and it’s at the heart of my kirby interpretation.

if you actually read all this WOW thank you

[juniperss]

Little Sister Curtis Headcanons

these were inspired by this request and co-created with my pal @a-libra-writes!!

Libra and I came up with the name “Sunshine” because 1) it’s adorable and 2) you can’t tell me that’s not a name that Mom and Papa Curtis wouldn’t have had written down on the baby name list. Her brothers usually call her by her first name, but Sunny also works just fine.

Only about a year gap between Sunny and Ponyboy which places her at around 13 if we’re going based off the book’s events (while ignoring certain plot elements that make me sad, thank you)

Sunny is a bit more like Darry after their parents die; she tries to keep the house clean and take over her mom’s responsibilities. Because if Darry is gonna earn the money, maybe she can help this way. Her brothers worry that she’s growing up too fast and try to get her to take it easy (pots meet kettle!!!). 

Darry tries to take her out to the movies when she gets stressed out even if he falls asleep 10 minutes in. She doesn’t really mind that he dozes off, she’s used to it. It's the thought that counts. 

Soda has her come to work with him sometimes and help out on the cars. “Learn something!” as if she doesn’t learn enough at school. Comes home dirtied and tired of Soda and Steve, complains a bit but she's smiling.

Tags along with Ponyboy to anywhere he wants. They usually go for walks and talk about school and the gang. 

If Johnny is the “pet brother” for the Gang, Sunny is the pet sister and has an interesting relationship with the rest of the boys.

Two Bit is viewed as a “decent” brother figure and he at least knows how to act around a younger sister. Probably the most likely out of the group (next to her actual brothers) to look after Sunny like his own kid sister. There’s no antics you can get up to that surprise him anymore than he’s already used to. 

Steve is a pest to her and gets in the way of spending time with Soda. They have a small rivalry but it’s less tense then Steve and Pony’s relationship for sure. Sunny doesn’t tag along nearly as much so it kinda evens things out. 

Dally and Sunny…..are what I’d describe as a Tom and Jerry dynamic but who's Tom and who's Jerry is always changing. Mutual chaos and the source of that chaos switches depending on the day. Dally is on Sunny’s shit list because he made a comment about her cooking once. Which, to be fair to Dallas, the potatoes in the soup WERE NOT cooked through so he was right, but she still holds a little grudge. It doesn’t matter if he was the only person to actually eat all of it. She scolds Dally for putting his feet on the coffee table, he calls her a brat, she aims the football for the back of his head, he pulls on her hair and purposefully calls her by the wrong name. Laughs like a fiend when she yells “Dallas Winston im gonna knock your head right off!". But she also knows that Dallas would be the first person to knock someone’s teeth out if she needed him to. 

Johnny is her pal and she enjoys his company the most of the Gang. He’s a good escape from the rowdy bunch and he doesn’t cause nearly as much damage in the house as the rest, he helps with the dishes and he laughs at her jokes. She likes him and he likes her and they’ve got each other’s backs.

The Brothers are worried about raising a sister. I mean they know fundamentally that she needs what they do and that for the last 13 years they’ve been doing a good job of looking out for her, but all 3 of them are concerned that they’re not enough for Sunshine. Not only did she lose her parents, she lost her Mom and she doesn’t have anyone who can fill that spot. Mrs. Matthews helps when she can and she’s a lifesaver to Darry when he has questions, but he can’t shake the feeling that Sunshine was robbed of better and stuck with them. 

Darry goes a bit easier on Sunshine than he does with Ponyboy. Part of that is because Sunshine and him are more alike than the other two siblings, so they understand each other better. The other part is that Darry thinks Sunshine is already taking on too much responsibility by trying to replace their mom. 

Darry taught her how to fight when she was like 9 and she’s gotten into good scraps with the Gang, but Darry and the rest are adamant that she stay out of fights because she’s too little. Sunshine is all too ready to toss out that she’s only a year younger than Ponyboy! To which the rest of the boys say, “He’s a kid, you’re a baby”. This in fact does not stop her from fighting when she needs to but she does try her best to stay out of trouble for Darry, especially after their parent’s deaths. 

She loved so much. Darry doesn’t say it nearly as much as he knows he should (and that applies to all his siblings) but he goes out of his way to make sure Sunshine has something special just for herself once in a while. Soda routinely suggests getting her a haircut when he notices her messing with it or hears her one off comment about not feeling pretty or looking nice. Ponyboy tries his best to help her out around the house or with her homework. She knows they love her and she loves them. 

[whydontyousaeso]

Tattooed in your brain (Part 2)

Damian preist x fem Reader

Check out part one!

Type- fluff!

Warnings- minor use of alcohol, none other than that!

A/n- hello lovely’s! I hope you enjoy this part, be on the lookout Friday for the fic im posting! Have fun and stay safe 🩵

You made a huge mistake with not taking the numbing cream.

It hurt like hell.

There wasn’t anything else to do though, all you could do was sit and let Rhea do her work.

“So do you have a lot of friends here?”

“Not really, just the one I’m staying with.”

“Oh? Why not?”

“I havent really had time or the courage to go out and meet people.”

“Not a club girl?”

“Not really”

You looked at the mirror in front of you. Your hair actually looked decent, and your face didn’t give you any problems. It was a good day look wise for you.

“Why don’t you come over to my place tomorrow? Me and the boys here are gonna order in some pizza and play some games.”

“Would I be intruding?”

“Not at all, I’ve actually been looking for another girlfriend, but it seems like no one really fits my vibe except for you.”

You smiled at yourself in the mirror

“Sure!”

You stood in front of the mirror in your room, checking out your outfit for the 30th time that hour.

You didn’t want to go too far, but you didn’t want to underdress.

You had some baggy jeans on with a black sweater that fell off f your shoulder. Your hair was up in a bun, and your makeup was minimal.

Either way you didn’t have time to change. Rhea told you to be there a bit early so you could be there before the boys.

So you had to leave now anyways.

You grabbed your purse and headed out quickly, letting your roommate know that you were leaving.

Surprisingly Rhea only lived 10 minutes away, so you just walked over there to her apartment.

To say you were overthinking would be an understatement. You didn’t want to embarrass yourself, but at the same time you didn’t want to be seen as a try hard either.

When you knocked on the door Rhea answered with keys in her hands.

“Hi Y/n, I’m so sorry to ditch you for a second but I have to run and grab some chips at the store, can you stay here with Damian for a second?”

Oh !

He was here already?

You smiled and nodded

“Of course! Take your time!”

“Great, there are drinks in the fridge if you want one. If not make yourself at home. Bye Damian!”

“See ya”

You waved goodbye and made your way into the apartment. Looking around as you headed towards the main area.

You found Damian on the loveseat, clearly comfortable with the way his legs were spread.

You felt your face heat up again, trying to keep your composure around this man.

There’s no way you could actually be crushing on this dude, you barely even know him.

“I wouldn’t sit on the big sofa, Finn and Dom usually spill a ton of beer on it.”

Damian spoke up, snapping you out of your thoughts.

“Where would you recommend I sit then?”

“The only non gross spot is next to me, I don’t bite I promise.”

You chuckled awkwardly and made your way over to the seat, noticing that he was watching you move.

It didn’t make it easier for you.

“Where are you from again?”

“Washington”

You heard him hum in approval.

“Did you have a specific reason?”

“Not really. I needed a change of scenery and to be honest I really didn’t have any reason to stay in Washington”

“No friends, or family? Not even a boyfriend?”

“No, no, and definitely no.”

You looked up for a second and saw him nodding.

“You thought I had a boyfriend?”

You laughed a little, trying to lighten the obvious awkward situation.

“I mean, it’s not a insane guess”

You held your breath for a second. Either you were insanely delusional or he was flirting with you and you didn’t know how to deal with either situation.

“You want a drink?”

Luckily Rhea showed up a few moments later and pulled you out of the awkward situation.

Then again it was really just awkward because you made it that way.

Soon the others showed up and before you knew it you were playing card games with all five of them.

You had found out that the ‘JD’ in the shop name stood for ‘Judgement Day’

Not the actual person

He was still in training.

You had drunk a beer and was holding your second, taking your time so you wouldn’t get sick.

“Hey Y/N, you need to stay the night tonight?”

Rhea asked as you were putting away plates and such.

“I really don’t want to intrude on my first time here, I can get a Uber-“

“Stay the night, you can borrow some of my clothes.”

“Rhea I-“

“It’s no longer a question Y/N, you’re staying the night.”

You just smiled and shook your head, turning around to head over to the trash.

Bumping directly into Damian

Just your luck

You almost stumbled back, but he caught you with his broad arms.

“I am so sorry-“

“Don’t apologize, it’s alright”

And for the first time he smiled at you.

Dammit you hated being drunk because you knew you were as red as a cherry.

You just once again smiled and side stepped away, running back to the love seat and plopping down, pulling out your phone to check your face.

Dammit, you were right.

You rubbed your eyes, trying to make it seem like you were just tired or it was the alcohol.

But you felt his eyes on you.

You weren’t creeped out by any means. He was very very attractive, and you wouldn’t necessarily mind being in a relationship with him.

But, you didn’t know how to go about it, which flustered you more then needed.

Finn and Dominik didn’t leave until 11 at night, so you were more than exhausted when they did leave.

You had leaned back and closed your eyes, listening to the sounds around you.

“You falling asleep?”

You opened your eyes, watching Damian walk into the living room.

“Not yet”

Damian made his way back over to the couch, flopping beside you.

Way closer than normal.

You could smell the Tequila mixed with his musky cologne on him.

“So you are seriously single?”

“Yeah, why does that keep surprising you?”

“It is really, have you ever dated anyone at all?”

“Nope, no one has really caught my attention.”

You mumbled that last part, finding literally anything except for him to look at.

“Not even now?”

You paused for a second, your brain taking an extra second to comprehend what just happened.

“I mean-“

“Hey you guys, you can sleep wherever I don’t really care, but I’m going to bed”

Thank god for Rhea.

“Yeah, goodnight Rhea”

“Goodnight.”

Rhea waved and walked back into her room, leaving you two together.

“I’m going to sleep.”

You mumbled, reaching over to turn off the light.

“Goodnight y/n”

“Goodnight Damian”

[changbinsboobs]

do u think through doing readings that u come to learn more about the idols than the idols themselves? chan does have to play into the delulu a lot more than other members so I wonder if it has got to a point where his audience kinda treat him like their personal therapist and so when u connect to his energy or soul through readings u can somehow give him a bit of an outlet so to speak?

despite his popularity u wouldve thought the members might be more inclined to wanting to be private, so which members are easier to read on than others or is there any members who just want to be left alone / or they are unbothered by so many ppl reading on their current energies? plus how do u not get tired from it cause i imagine the idols must get pretty tired from all their hectic schedules and if u try to connect with that energy arent u going to feel it someway or other? like say if an idol got injured could a tarot reader pick up on the pain the idol is feeling?

Hm, i wouldn't say i know more about the idols than themselves, but i think regarding certain topics i would have more insight as a tarot reader, since im an outside person looking in - meaning i have no personal attachements, hence i see a situation for what it is, instead of them, being involved - they already have build beliefs and attachments and theres lot of the unconscious involved which for most of us is a big blind spot.

I think definitely some idols feel that way - that they get a bit of an outlet through tarot readings, at least on an energetic level. As i said, Chan seems very eager to speak on some topics. Changbin as well but only on specific things about which he has strong opinions or things where he is often shut up about by others. I did a reading yesterday about turn offs which im gonna post soon and Changbin was so intense and blurted out 5 or 6 cards, all of them with very strong energy. Usually he's the one that is the hardest to read for as he is so guarded. I don't think he is annoyed by it tho, rather its like a default defence mechanism that he has on at all times and its quite difficult getting through his wall. When you do, he seems very hesitant to speak, and his messages aren't always as coherent in the beginning, i believe out of fear to share his through thoughts and feelings. I.n is also very easy to read about as i feel he doesn't really care that much about it and is not very into his emotions but rather a person that takes life easily without thinking to much and just lives in the moment and enjoys it. Besides those 3 i haven't had any members stick out to me much throughout readings.

I guess it depends on the reader how affected they get by the readings. Doing readings is a little exhausting because of the task itself, picking up on energies and "decoding" them, putting them into words etc. So i usually can't do more than 1 or 2 at most post at once. But thats about it. And if i feel their emotions its not really something i feel as if it were mine, but rather a knowing. So my own autonomy (i think thats whats called) stays untouched.

[unicornsaures]

yapping about the outsiders x amrev

Okay so first off, not replacing any characters, obviously. Im thinking the aides are their own seperate little group that just hang around one another. Not an actual gang like the shepard gang but more how the main characters run; just a group thats independent, but willing to stick up for one another. Ive decided that if i ever do something with this god forsaken AU its genuinely just gonna be mostly seperate from the main plot because none of the aides themselves would be socs and so the plot wouldnt even be relevant until the very end.(I have been thinking of making Lafayette a soc or something. Just for the fuck of it to test some limits to hamilton, laurens, and laf's friendship with the whole bob thing ehe!)

But for the sake of this AU, theyre all aged into their 20s except for Washington. Its just easier than having 60 year olds street fighting.

Right, so characters! I havent thought much on other aides BUT i have thought VERY heavily on Laurens and Hamilton, obviously. So, starting with Laurens. Hes literally the same. Hes just as impulsive as he is during his time period if not worse. Hes given more opportunities to fight and he takes every. single. one. I would say hes similar to Dally but really he isnt. He'll get in a fistfight every week or so but nothing serious enough he ends up in jail. His relationship with HL is kind if rocky, too. They moved from SC to fucking oklahoma and John is not too happy about the move, for one, and his father isnt happy that Laurens turned into a 'hood.' Mainly, he just wont sleep at his own house. He'll crash at Meade's place or maybe Hamilton's run down, abandoned little house if he has to. HL isnt abusive or anything he just doesnt like living with so many siblings while his father goes on and on about how hes a bad influence. Not helping that he has a new bruise or cut every time he vists but i digress, John is basically a 'watered down' dally.

Righttt, Hamilton! Yeah, born in NYC, mom died, got too expensive, so he moved to good ol Oklahoma without his dad. I may just say he works at DX with Soda and whatnot because while the aides arent needed for the plot, i want them to feel a lil somethin somethin when everything goes down in the book and having a relation to both Soda and Steve would at least make Hamilton feel a bit bad and maybe even convince him to fight in the rumble at the end. Laurens and him arent really officially dating either. Theyre technically exclusive, but they never really talked about it and kind of just say theyre there to keep each other in check. Neither of them really want to confront any of their emotions towards anything so they settle for hamilton lovingly scolding laurens every time he gets in a fight and sharing 'no homo' kisses. Yeah and he lives in this run down house that he doesnt pay for and he has to drop by Meade's place whenever cops come searching for anyone living in there because i need him to be a little bit pathetic.

The rest of the aides are primarily undecided, if im being honest. Meade's parents are still alive from what I know and the other aides either stay at their own house or crash at Meade's, but Laurens is usually taking up the couch on most nights as does Hamilton. Most of the other aides arent big fighters really, theyre just trying to make it through college/day to day jobs. Washington kind of watches over all of them, like an unofficial father to their lil gang. They just hang around him and he frequently scolds them all for misbehaving. Hes like darry but older i guess. (Hes like, in his late 40's in this AU.)

Oh, and kinloch is there because i said so! If anything, he gives me major soc vibes and i primarily think he is why Laurens has such a knack for starting fights with socs for no reason. They were some weird ass situationship and they had an unofficial breakup that Laurens is still extremely salty over. Francis totally went for his neck during the rumble btw and they hate each other and laurens still tries to start fights with him whenever he sees him.

Though, Lafayette is also pretty undecided. I want him to be a greaser but at the same time i think him being a soc would test the limits of him and laurens' friendship while also he and hamilton's friendship. Laurens because obviously, francis. Hamilton because he saw how the socs affected soda, steve, etc and he feels bad for them, but also Lafayette would be dead set that Johnny is a murderer because he needs to stick up for the socs to stay loyal.

Now lets talk about the rumble! I think only some of the aides would get involved, really. Hamilton would because he saw how johnny affected steve and soda, Laurens because he just wants to fight, and the two dragged along Tilghman and Harrison because theyre strong enough to do some genuine damage. The rest of them just dont want to be involved in all of that and think its easier to just not get hurt.(Meade tags along but stands off to the side just to make sure no one gets seriously injured. He has change ready for a pay phone in case he needs to call up washington.)

Now, what i think would be interesting is their reaction to Dally's death. Im saying Laurens wouldve heard his name, as would all of the greasers, really. So their entire gang would know his name, but im mainly thinking about Laurens for this one because id like to think that he kind of looked up to him in some fucked up way? Not really looked up to, but more so respected. I feel like with Ham telling him about how Soda and Steve reacted and how they act at the DX afterwards would really fuck with him too and id like to think hed drop by the curtis house or some shit to say that he thought dally was a cool guy or something.

Yeah, anyway this is all pretty rough in terms of what the fuck im yapping about i just spat out every word that came to mind.

[pandemoniclucio]

Could you do hcs for the M6 + Valerius with a tiefling MC? Yknow, brightly colored skin, horns, tail, sharp teeth, all that? How'd they react if someone started saying things about their appearance? Im a nerd and like dnd and other fantasy games/settings so I like to imagine fantasy races being in The Arcana universe, just being a little rare. Love your stuff by the way!

Thank You! Sorry if this came out later than expected, I was writing exams.

The Arcana HC #14

I know nothing about Tieflings, when I think of them I think of Nixie from All For One. I'm not gonna lie this was a bit of a challenge for me since I have some writers block.

I don't know if The Devil counts as part of the Infernal Legacy trait, so assume there are Demon Lords.

Asra

They knew that there were still some people in Vesuvia who would be opposed to you, so they tried to avoid them as much as possible and always had a retort if they ever commmented about them, but was beyond disgusted when someone said something about you.

It was the city's resident loud-mouth, so once people saw Asra step towards them, they all left.

To make the fool pay for insulting you, they put as many hexes and jinxes on them, while he

To make Asra's job easier, Faust eventually wrapped around the offender, tightly, but not enough to cause any serious damage.

Once they let them go, they go to comfort you by taking you back to the shop for some tea.

They tell you that they'll cast spells, encahantments & etc, to make sure they don't harass you again, then proceeds to tell you about all the qualities good & bad that they love about you & that they don't care about your appearance.

Nadia

She has always known that not many people are accepting of other species and has had to help resolve some of these conflicts in Pakra, but Vesuvia was relatively peaceful, so she was absolutely appalled that someone would say that about you.

You and her were entertaining and mingling with visiting royals, nobles and Nadia's family, when a young royal made their comment about you.

As soon as Nadia heard that she stopped playing her instrument and calmly walked over to the royal, before glaring daggers at them before trying to give a good slap to their face, but was luckily held back by her siblings, so all she could do was shame them & put them under room arrest.

She was even considering letting Chandra to attack them for her, which Chandra would have done but decided to help hold Nadia back from trying to beat up the fool.

She grabs your arm & takes you with her to the gardens, where she got the staff the set up a luncheon just for the two of you.

Once she seems to have cooled off, she tells you about her plans to create a better environment for non humans, than tells you that she loves you.

Julian

He has travelled to many citites and knows from experience, how some people treat Tieflings, Vesuvia was relatively better, but he expected something to happen sooner or later, but was caught completely off guard when someone commented something about you, specifically.

You two were having your usual round at the Rowdy Raven with Malak, when a loud drunk insulted you, the whole bar went quite., while Julian was fuming as he got closer to the drunkard.

Julian's performance was enough to convince everyone that there was probably a reason he was put on Wanted posters. He berated & used medical threats on them. The patrons even joined in, removing the drunk from the bar & kicking them to the streets.

Malak, during Julian's threats, was just emphasising how painful all of Julians threats would be.

When the drunk is gone, you two go back to you're booth, while he asks if you're alright before getting a last drink for you both before heading to the docks.

When you get to the docks, you both take a seat by the ledge, where Julian begins to recount marvelous tales about Tieflings then about how you beat the Devil. before telling you that some people won't change but it's best to ignore them, before gently kissing you & leaning against you.

Muriel

He thinks everyone, except for evil people, should be treated with respect, he could relate to people being slightly intimidated by you but this was another level of low.

You two were walking into town to quickly collect some supplies when a gossip started loudly stating their comments.

Muriel isn't a fan of violence but he was considering it, luckily he didn't have to do much. One glare from Muriel was enough to get them to back off.

Innana also noticed the tension in the air and joined Muriel in the art of glaring at the offender and posse, but with an added bonus if teeth and snarls.

He pulls you protectively into his side before leading you & Inanna to a secluded pond in the forest, where you both sit for a while before he breaks the silence.

He apologises that there isn't much he can do, but eventually oulls you into a hug , confesses his love & care for you, then kisses you, which causes you to tackle him to the ground to continue kissing the snuggling.

Portia

She has heard stories about how people treat Tieflings, but has never come across any problems until someone commentated on you.

You two were about to leave for port when a passenger coming off another ship commmented about Portia, that made her scoff, but when they said something about you, she was about to lose it.

She immediately called them out, demanded everyone to stay out of it. She then proceeded to switch between insulting the offender and bragging about how amazing you are.

Pepi just snuggled around you while it happened and hissed at the person when Portia let them go.

When she's done, she gives you a great bear hug and tells you that everything they said was wrong and that they didn't know what they were the scum of the earth.

She eventually leads you back to the ship's kitchen, where you & her prepare some goods and dinner to eat later on.

Lucio

He knew from battles that Tieflings were great at fighting & since he grew up in a warrior clan and made a deal with the Devil, he respected Tieflings & didn't understand why people hated your kind, but this comment just made his blood boil.

You were both at a market place, to collect money for a job you both completed, when a passerby commented on your appearance.

You swear if it wasn't for the fact that you were in a public area and this person clearly wasn't wanted, Lucio would've killed them, but decided to settle on woulding him, deeply.

Melchoir and Mercendes, comforted & tried to protect you by snarling at anyone else looking for a fight, while Camio was busy trying to claw the offender's eyes out.

When he's done, he decides to take you for a ride to a secluded hot spring he heaerd about where you both could set up nearby, while comforting you about the incident.

He thought it best that you were relaxed when he tells you how much he cares for you and that he would hunt down anyone who hurt you.

Valerius

He didn't have any problems with different species, he just hated specific people and most of his hate waas directed at the person who dared comment such rubbish about you.

You two were on a visit to a reknowned Winery when one of the other guests rudely commentated on your apearance.

He has never been more pissed in his life, but instead of losing his temper at the person, he kept his cool while he insulted and threatened to throw him in jail, calmly.

He then proceeded to make this person's visit a nightmare, when he managed to convince the other guests that the offender was some sort of criminal.

Once he was done tormnenting your bully, he comforts you, by giving you the best luxury experience at the winery and spoils you with picnics galore

He tells you that you are amazing and despite his earlier reservations about you he's grown to love you, regarless of your race, and promises to send guards fot anyone who dares to insult you again.

To anyone wanting to request anything, expect it to be delivered a bit late or until 30 November or 1 December since my exams end.

[strangertheories]

Honestly, byler to me has become a stressful 'thing' now i cannot even enjoy it due to the whole discourse and drama surrounding it lol. Also it feels like the shipping culture kinda died because people just stopped shipping things for fun but it became a match where you have to prove your ship's 'validity' 'morality' or how it actually exists in canon and it should exist in canon (for this and that reason), and you have to constantly prove yourself that you are a master analysist and you Get The Narrative and that's why you ship this ship and if it doesnt become canon then it means the writing is dumb/poor and im like..? You dont really have to do all that and i get that sometimes feeling so passionately about shipping is natural part of fandom and i have been there and done that too, but this whole narrative and mindset surronding it is just really tiring. if a ship makes you this stressed and traumatized and if it happens you say stuff like 'imma kms' maybe just kinda take a step back idk. I ship ron/nce and i adore their dynamic, but i am well aware that it is not going to happen even if i see a certain level of dynamic between nancy and robin. and i get that it is different for will since will is canonically into mike now but the overall point still stands. you can still like a ship even if it doesnt become canon you dont have to try so hard to prove its existence or validity since the shipping is usually supposed to be... fun.

Anon, I'm convinced I somehow sent this to myself because I'm exactly the same. I get being critical of the show's queer rep and plot if Byler isn't canon or being disappointed which we saw a lot of post volume 2, but yeah. Being a Byler shipper has become not fun™ and it's become a requirement that you think it's going to be endgame in order for you to ship it. And I also think the sense of superiority a lot of Byler shippers have about being great critical thinkers or having media literacy can make it feel scary to ever question anything anyone ever says, although most people were actually quite supportive when I spoke about this. All of that to say, letting go of Byler endgame before S4 has been great for me; I love analysing and theorising about Byler without the pressure of needing it to be canon.

And I know people will read this as "you shouldn't be bothered by the show using Will" but what I and I believe the anon is trying to say is that fandom should be built off of fun and wanting your ship to have content because you enjoy it, not because you're terrified it's not gonna be canon. Easier said than done, but I think you need to take care of yourself and your mental health too. I'm not famous or anything but I have quite a few followers now and I'm not going to lie or guarantee 100000% that it will be canon because I just do not know and I genuinely think people's mental health will be damaged because they've been hyping up an expectation of ST5 for years.

If shipping Byler has become too stressful for you, try take a break for a bit (I've been posting less over the last few months partially because of this too). Especially since we all have hiatus brain where expectations and theories become more and more wild because we have to keep digging deeper into the same content. I'm so scared that S5 will come out and it doesn't happen because I like a lot of people in this fan community and if Byler isn't canon, we'll get angry posts for a couple of months and maybe some theories about interference or deleted scenes (this happen post S4 a bit as well) but then it's gone ): the community revolves more about being 100% sure Byler will happen instead of enjoying the pairing of Mike and Will so without canon Byler, I don't know what will remain.

Thanks for the ask, anon. Also Ronance forever! <3

[gravvitywritestrash]

Dincember Day 1, Prompt: Gift

Hey guys, I'm gonna do my best to keep up with this year's dincember. Just for the sake of things, these are gonna be mostly connected, but no continuity. This is supposes to take place after tbobf, but this is my world, there is no timeline! Anyways, enjoy! (Also im trying my best to do gn!reader. Let me know if I miss something!!)

Warnings: mention of weapons, and food chewing, mentions of anxiety. Let me know if I miss something!

Prompt Masterlist

The market was lined in brightly colored banners, flags, and decorations. The square was lit by lanterns with colored glass, only adding to the many colors that lined the square. The market was busy, busier than usual. At least, that's what the stall owner that sold you the skewers of meat you and the kid were munching on, had said. Apparently, the planet you had landed on was currently getting ready for their ‘Festival of the Lights’, a phenomenon that happened once a year at the height of the cold season. People traveled to the planet just to see the lights that blanketed half of it. The natives of the planet had created a tradition of day-long festivals that included feasts, celebrations and parties. The natives even created a tradition of giving, as a thanks to their planet for giving them life. They would exchange gifts to those that they appreciated, as a way of showing that appreciation. You squinted against the brightly colored lights shining down as you turned over the idea of the festival in your head.

“What do you think about the lights, kiddo?” You looked down at the kid, who was strapped to your chest and mostly covered by the large winter cloak you had wrapped around yourself to keep you both warm. The kid’s head was mostly covered by said cloak, but there was a large enough hole for you to peer down at him. He responded by giving you an open-mouthed grin, showing off the food he was still chewing.

“Very nice, kid.” You nodded and headed began your route, first taking care of food and drink for the ship, personal care and medical supplies followed. After taking care of the “easier” supplies, you then headed for the ammunition and weapons shop you had spotted earlier.

The inside of the shop was warm and was absent of the colorful decorations you had been drowning in. Though the decorations were nice, the various sensations were starting to make you slightly overwhelmed, so the modest shop was a very welcome break. The shopkeeper, a very large and gruff human male, greeted you with a grunt before returning to the large repeating blaster he was tinkering with.

Despite his less than warm welcome, you approached the counter with a smile and a small ‘hello’. To your surprise, the shopkeeper put the weapon down and greeted you with a large grin.

“How can I help you today?” He set his large palms atop the countertop as you approached.

“My employer asked me to get this stuff for him. I’m, uh, not a big weapons person so I’m not exactly sure what I’m looking for.” You explained, handing over the small note. It wasn’t a lie. You had only owned one blaster your entire life, an A-180 that was currently strapped to the same hip it resided for the past 10 years.. You only knew enough to keep it cleaned, and in working order. You knew it could be reconfigured, but you didn’t know how to do so. The most tinkering you had done was replacing a few pins and reloading it with charges, speaking of-

“Oh, and I could use some charges for an A-180.” You hadn’t told Mando you were running low on charges, and you didn’t want to be caught with an empty blaster in the middle of a fight.

“It’s on here.” The shopkeeper waved the note you had handed him. “Give me a bit, I’ll go and find these for you.” He gave you one last smile before rounding the counter top to search through his store.

You were a little dumbfounded. Had Mando noticed you were running low? Well, you guessed it wasn’t hard to miss since you stored your ammo in his weapon locker. But the fact he had considered you when preparing his list left you feeling something strange. Kinda fuzzy. You considered being annoyed with him, for thinking you were incompetent enough to forget, but you knew he didn’t think that. Though you had your days where you were a little less than graceful or observant, but he never made you feel like you were incompetent. You knew he considered you in high enough regard to keep you around. If you were more of an annoyance or problem, he simply wouldn’t have you around. Though he didn’t say it, you knew he appreciated the work you put in on his ship, taking care of the kid, and even when you took up small repair jobs to earn a few extra credits. He didn’t say it, but he did little things, little things like putting your blaster charges on his list so you wouldn’t have to worry about it.

You thought about the planet’s tradition, showing appreciation. You started toying with the idea of getting him a gift, though it made you a little nervous. What would he like? You didn’t know Mando that well, didn’t know if he liked little trinkets or hand-made carvings. You never saw him in anything but his flight suits and armor, or the occasional sleep wear when hyperspace was long enough to relax during. You weren’t even sure if he would like a gift from you. You were an employee, hired to keep the ship up and running to avoid price-gouging mechanics. Though as the months had passed in his employment, you felt like you were starting to get into friend territory. He didn’t have to do nice things for you, like preparing your meals and caf, remembering your favorite fruit and buying it at any market that had it, or even noticing when you were running low on blaster charges.

Yeah, you were sure he considered you more than an employee. He didn’t have to do anything more than provide you with a place to sleep and some level of privacy the close confines of a ship could offer, yet he did more. He made you feel appreciated. Thought of. He didn’t have to do half of the things he did for you, yet he did. 

You wanted to return the favor.

But what did you get for a man who required so little and asked for nothing?

You took a glance around the shop. You could see the owner walking around, placing the requested items in a crate he was carrying. You thought about what you could get him as your eyes roamed the cases of various weapons. What could you even get him from here? Mando had more than enough weapons to support a small group of fighters, part of my religion, he had told you. Was a new weapon even a good idea? What if he already had it, or what if he didn’t like what you picked? You wished you knew more about the swords and blasters in the store.

Though, as you heard the shopkeeper make his way back to you, you figured that you didn’t have to know much about the weapons in the store. That’s what he was here for, right?

“I was able to get everything on your list.” The shopkeeper set the crate down on the counter next to you, leaning one arm over the top as he addressed you. “Is there anything else I can get for you?”

You reached down to your own pouch of credits, trying to get an idea of how much you had, and how much you could spend without dipping into the credits Mando had given you to buy the supplies.

“There is something I use your help with.”

—

 You were taking longer than Din had expected your supply run to take. He was starting to get a little nervous, worried that something had happened to you and the kid.

He should have gone with you.

He was just about to set out to locate you when you entered the hangar, followed by a small speeder stacked with a few crates. Din could physically feel the tension leave his body when you entered the hanger, and a warmth spread through his chest when you smiled upon seeing him.

“Sorry, I know it took me a while. The square was a little crowded today.” You said while unloading the first crate off the speeder. Din took the crate from your hands and walked it to the bottom of the crests ramp. He repeated the action two more times, and when he turned around to check for more crates, he saw that the speeder, and driver, had left. You had also taken off your cloak, and Din noticed that one: the kid was asleep against your chest, and two: you were holding something behind your back.

He waited while you took a few steps, starting to close the gap between him and you. Once there was only a foot or two left, you stopped. Now that you were closer, he could see a rectangular box held in your hands. It was sleek, black in color and metallic. He could see the nervous smile, and noticed the way you dug the toe of your shoe into the ground, a nervous habit he noticed you had.

He started feeling nervous himself. He’s noticed that his emotions started to match your own. When you were happy, he was happy. When you were annoyed, whether it be at a difficult ship repair or even because of him he was annoyed as well. He wasn’t sure when this started happening or why, maybe it had something to do with being with you almost everyday. Maybe it had something to do with the kid, even. He wasn’t sure, he just knew that he enjoyed making you happy, seeing you smile. Your smile always made his chest tight and his head light. He often couldn’t help the smile that matched your own, despite no one being able to see it. So if you were nervous right now, he was nervous, and he was sure it had something to do with the box you were holding behind your back.

“So, the kid and I wanted to get you something. That’s why it took us a little longer today than usual.” You said while producing the box from behind your back. You held it out to him, using both hands to balance it.

For him?

“For me?” Din’s face started getting hot beneath his helmet. He made no move to grab the box, the gift yet, not quite processing the fact that you had got him a gift.

A gift from you, and the kid. For him. He couldn’t believe it. No one had ever gotten him a gift before. Not one that didn’t have strings attached, or a darker motive that went with it. And here you were, holding out one for him.

“Well, open it!” You shook your hands for emphasis.

Slowly, as if it might disappear if he moved too fast, he reached for the clasps on the front of the box. Inside sat a thin cylindrical pole made of shiny steel. He picked it up gently, avoiding the button near one end. It was light, and a bit longer than his forearm.

Once he had it out of the box, you closed it back up and stuck it under your arm, careful not to disturb the sleeping kid.

“Look, look!” You pointed at the scratched near the bottom of the cylinder. Nerves from earlier gone, you ran your finger along the scratches-no engravings.

“Grogu did these,” You said while pointing at the various lines that ran around the sides, loops and swirls that ran several centimeters along the side. “And I did this.” You said while turning the cylinder over in his hands. On the other side, he could make out what was engraved in aurebesh.

For our Mandalorian

His breath caught in his throat at the phrase. Our Mandalorian. He almost didn’t hear your when you started talking again, barely able to hear you over the blood rushing over his eardrums.

“The man at the store had a laser engraver. He let us draw stuff for your new weapon.” That got his attention, jolting him out of his trance.

“Weapon?”

“Yes! Press the button, be careful!” You took a few steps back, gesturing to the button he had noticed earlier.

He stared at you for a few moments, taking in the excited look on your face, feeling the same excitement spread through his chest. He then turned his attention to the cylinder, holding it parallel to the ground and away from his chest. With one last glance at you, he slid his thumb over the button, and almost dropped it when it jumped in his hand, elongating from both ends suddenly.

It was some sort of staff, he realized. One end was forked, and he could hear the low hum of energy, a stun probe, while the other side was speared at the end. In this form, the staff was as much longer, perfect for keeping foes back in close combat settings. He was busy surveying it, weighing it in his hands, and surveying the design. His attention was drawn back to you when you began speaking again.

“I know it isn’t as strong as your old beskar spear, but I thought it could still be useful to you.” You were nervous again, the toe of one of your shoes digging into the ground again. “You don’t have to use it, I mean you already have the darksaber, I guess you don’t really need it.”

This time, he didn’t match your nervousness. Instead, he felt like was almost floating. His heart swelled and he could feel himself getting choked up. A gift, and a weapon at that. Not only had you gotten him a gift, you had personalized it, both you and the kid leaving your mark on it. How could he not use it now, not carry it with him everywhere, with pride and as a symbol. He was sure you probably didn’t realize the significance of gifting a mandalorian a weapon. He was certain you had no idea this was a courting ritual in his culture.

But to you, this was still a gift, a symbol of your appreciation of him. You had gifted him the best thing you could think of to give a mandalorian, your mandalorian. Maybe there was more symbolism behind the gift than he originally thought. Maybe this meant more to you than you were willing to admit, and that was fine. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to admit what this really meant to him either. One day, he would. For now, he’d just tell you how much he appreciated the gift, well, once he was sure his voice wasn’t going to crack and the tears cleared from his eyes.

[ofmdee]

foof. typing this out on tumblr because it feels easier to collect my thoughts here rather than twitter, lmfao, but MAN my creative well is bone dry rn, i feel like i have zero energy and motivation to work on projects and i just. it's driving me crazy lmfao, and in the back of my mind i know i'm burnt out and need a break, but it's so hard to take a break, because like, i don't have much else going on in my life rn, or ever, like fandom has always been a huge, important part of my life and i don't rly know what to do or who i am if im not obsessed over SOMETHING lmfao. my gf said last night something like, i guess it's hard to take a break when it's related to a hyperfixation/special interest and like!! yeah!! it's rly hard to untangle all of that!

but. idk. i don't feel happy rn with a lot of things irl and online, and i know i need to rest and do nothing and let the well fill up again but that also scares me? so i am just going to try to ease up on myself a little bit, try to go more than a day without feeling compelled to post something new just because i'm afraid ppl will leave or forget me or something if i don't constantly pump out Content. and i know i did this to myself, lmfao, i rly don't know how to do things in moderation and this is a constant cycle of going too hard and then abruptly losing all interest

my gf sent me this last night and even the first paragraph got me!!! like, that's ME!!!

i am in the reluctant admission stage rn lmfao.

i am not going to say i am completely going to stop creating during this time, because that would be a lie, but i am rly going to try and chill tf out, stop worrying about getting fics done in time for mermay, and just kinda try to recharge. and i don't wanna say this is a firm break or whatever because when i inevitably fail at taking a break, i will end up beating up on myself, so im just gonna say i am gonna try to be like...... idk, creative Lite or something for a little bit.

im still gonna be around every day lmfao, but probably for less time than usual. i'm still gonna reblog/retweet things, and i'll probably have some original stuff as well, but i am not gonna keep holding myself to the impossible standard of having something new every day. and i know no one else expects that of me!!! but i have somehow put that expectation on myself. i can use this time to share some old favorites again instead!!

i just started a new game+ in coral island, so ive got that going for me, lmfao, and it's getting nicer outside finally and i rly truly need to touch grass more often!! idk why i always feel like i need a huge explanation for what i do, and it probably wont even be super noticeable to most ppl lol, but!! idk. sometimes i just need to work things out this way.

so, i am releasing myself of the burden of having some fics done for mermay, and posting daily, and feeling like i have to make tangible progress on creative projects on the regular. or, that is my goal, at any rate. i think i'll just focus on gifs/still shots for mermay, my fics will be ready when they are ready 😤 but even if i don't do that much, it's okay!!! mermaids are good any time of the year imho.

i just need to get to a point where i actually Enjoy the process of creating again, because it feels like a chore rn and i hate that :((((

idk, anyway if u read all this thank u, thank u for following me and liking what i do, here is an old gif for ur troubles

[boozois]

i hope this doesn't come off as rude or anything but im just curious, how do you make your art, i just found your account and it looks awesome, im just really curious about the process honestly:3

not rude at all! it's actually a pretty simple process, but i'll explain as much as i can

so i'll find a background, usually these are photos on liminal space communities that are newer. sometimes i take photos myself and use that. i look for really dark photos, and specifically photos that are gonna work with the angles i have.

that leads into the next part, which is choosing a photo of a borzoi to mess around with. i usually choose this based on what picture i have. that way i can have an easier time editing it. so i select the picture based on lighting, angle, and also the quality. i try to use high quality images, because (1.) it's better to have more to work with than you need, and (2.) it's what works best when removing the background. you can do this manually on ibis paint, but it's so much easier to do it with a website. there's a lot that'll turn your image into a transparent png.

once i got all that, i put it together. i do this all in ibis paint x. i put the dog a bit higher than it is realistically, and extend the features. sometimes i add different heads or other attributes. i change the lighting by adding different colors and blending. i use a few filters, including color balance, blur/zoom, and unsharp mask.

while i'm doing this, i like to make a little story up about the new creature i made. then i use the captions to kinda tell it. there is actually a little bit of "lore" around some of the dogs, and there's repeat characters. i like this part of it the most, this was why i originally made this account. it's just hard to keep a character, plus i dont operate a side blog and dont want to. world building has always been the coolest thing to me and this is a super cool way to practice it. this account hasn't even been here a year and i've learned a lot.

anyway, thanks for asking! having lots of fun and it's cool to see that people are interested in what i'm doing.

[thecherrygod]

i havent been into it for too long but im kinda surprised i havent seen a harrykim good ol classic florist and tattoo artist au

like yeah im not so sure how the logic of either of them being in those proffessions would work but im talking mostly aesthetics here

like. harry being a florist just. does something to me. like when kim is like he needs hobbies if you get the gardening gloves he suggest gardening is just very good. maybe its a bit of like instead of becoming a teacher first hes a florist first and stays there. or when he was a teacher they had some of a garden in there and he learned and then maybe got a part time job at a florist to support him on his teacher salary bc those usually arent enough. also i think he still has at least some of his adiction issues but not necesarily to the in game level (maybe amphetamines to be able to keep up with his lifestyle also maybe he grows weed but less relevant until later). and maybe he actually got to marry dora and is actually divorced here. working too much, not making enough money, and when back at home hes still an addict, maybe the relationship lasted more but still it never got good enough to keep.

and kim... theres a few options. either undercover just being on the tattoo shop somehow which is like. not the most sense making but still a possibility. or.. he never became a cop, either, got too disappoined by the system early on, noticed the injustice, but realized that it didnt matter what he did it wouldnt be enough. or he did join the rcm for a bit and then quit bc of that, maybe also eyes died in here too and that was the last straw for him leaving. maybe hes not necesarily the guy doing the tattoos, but more of the designs and piercings (i assume its a million times easier doing piercings than tattoos. i dont mean that it doesnt require a technique too tho but getting a needle through skin for a piercing seems easier than having the pulse to work on a permanent piece in someones skin with specific pressure with consistence, and if he was a cop and quit maybe he has shakier hands.... idk. i dont know how stuff like this works generally ngl. also idk. can you have a tattoo.. parlor? and do designs but not the tattoos themselves? id assume you can but no idea)

ok yeah something like that maybe. and also the shops are either side by side or right across the street. i can imagine harry walking through the tattoo parlor and looking at the designs and looking at a few plant based designs and liking them and just. going in. not exactly for a tattoo or anything but more to like. know how it is and maybe meet the artist and then he sees kim which i imagine with a lot of tattoos and piercings which is sort of whats fueling this at this point bc i wasnt gonna think about it for too long but now im too deep into it and like i imagine this kim as.. kind of distant as he tends to be, will try to hide the fact he was a cop bc at this point hes not proud of that, he just likes making designs while listening to speedfreaks fm, which you can hear from outside the parlor while walking on the streets, but he is cool, and if you talk to him he will talk to you, hes just maybe awkward but also he is kinda weird (which has harry like 👉👈)

and this was just going to be me saying "man i havent seen any of this" and instead i sort of made my take on it and it got longer than i expected. anyways!!!

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3082

i DID get to write today! and i watched tv and showed some of my favorite shows to my mom. she didn't really enjoy them. but that's okay.

i ended up running a lot of errands today with her and didn't really get to sit down and do anything until like 3pm, which was startling because mom woke me up earlier than i requested. i'm trying to get my sleep schedule back on track so i can make it to work on a daily basis, so i'm trying to go to bed earlier and fall asleep earlier so i can wake up earlier. but if i have my mom wake me up at a consistent time, it'll make everything else easier to make consistent, too. i have no internal reward system, so doing it myself doesn't work. i sit up anyway at night and read until i tire myself out. sucks.

i got to chat with a friend i haven't talked to in a hot minute. one of the shows i showed my parents was a show this friend showed to me, and she also bought the dvd sets of it because it was our thing to watch together. so i set it up and watched a couple eps and it reminded me of her so i reached out and sent her a message and a picture of simon. we ended up chatting back and forth a little bit as i was getting ready for bed not too long ago, and it was nice to just kind of catch up for a bit. i'm probably gonna see if i can call her at some point just to hear her voice again. she's great.

while mom and i were out we stopped at starbucks and i ended up discovering that a cup of hot cocoa like what i get has about 30mg of caffeine in it, which explains why i'm able to function when i stop for it at breakfast. caffeine helps me focus because it's a stimulant. i stop for breakfast before taking my meds, and i drink my cocoa all the way to work, where i take my meds at 9:30 usually. that way, i have the caffeine to jumpstart my system while the medication works its way through my blood, meaning i can get up and go and keep going until the day is done, usually around 11:30 if i take my meds at the proper time. so im glad i have a scientific explanation for it. it's kinda cool.

and i talked to joel a little bit. i let him know my second covid test (serial testing) from this morning was negative so i am officially free of covid, so i should be seeing him sooner than later. i'm excited to see him. i've missed him. i miss him when i get sick. i'm okay at taking care of myself when i'm sick, but i prefer having help. since joel's got a job and is usually busy during the day even if he doesn't, i end up taking meds and sleeping, but i still end up needing to cook and get things and go out when that happens because there's no one else to ask to get it for me. at home, i can take meds and sleep, and still get fed things that are nutritious and have juice and stuff when i don't think water is appealing (i'm happy to report i can once again drink water, i have missed its refreshment). so i'm usually at home when i'm sick or injured. it's just how it happens.

as for the rest of the day, that's basically what happened. i also paid my bills and sent my friends a message basically saying i was grateful that i have the number of brain cells working that i do because if any more of them were broken i'd be panicking all the time. specifically this is in reference to my foresight to keep some money on hand to pay my bills when i'm out of work, because it works in my favor particularly because i'm going to be out of work again for a while because of my shoulder. i'm 28 sleeps away from surgery, and i'm honestly so excited to not have this instability anymore. it'll suck for a while because i won't be able to drive myself places, but mom can drive me and so can joel - an unlicensed driver above the age of 15½, in my state, can drive if another person in the car is above 25 and licensed. so joel can drive me places and we'll have no problem. we just have to pull his car out. or he'll get used to driving my car and we can deal with that that way. it's all good. either way, the two or three months that i'll need to be driven around will get him more practice to get his license with confidence.

and i think that's it. i'm tired. i gotta figure out a birthday gift for an 11 year old. i have some ideas. but i also need to write tomorrow and i need to work on my résumé so i can apply to big girl jobs. i'll probably get starbucks in the morning too. that'd be nice. i also did my laundry today. that's a relief. it's been a hot minute since i did my laundry. but mostly, i'm just glad i don't have covid anymore.

[londonspirit]

A little tease...

Haven’t written anything in about a year, but now the  Muse was inspired so here’s a little excerpt of something Im gonna post in full on AO3 later. 

Joel and Ellie have this wordless kind of communication that usually only happens between longtime partners. I can feel entire conversations happening between them without either of them saying a word. 

It’s fascinating - and sometimes a tad annoying. It makes me feel like an intruder into their little unit. 

When I talk to him about that, and how it makes me feel, he only nods and apologizes. 

But I also know how much time they’ve spent together so I try not to let it get to me too much. And if it does, all it needs is a gentle nudge and raised eyebrow, to which he ducks his head and nods almost imperceptibly. 

I move in during the summer, only a few months after our first kiss. Time is precious, and even though we’re rather safe in Jackson, neither he nor I want to waste any more time with false  pretense or stupid social decency.  

His Texan accent comes through when he's overtired or emotional; the first happens more often than not, the second so rarely I can count it on one hand. Yet I treasure every single time it happens.  Every once in a while he drinks a little too much, and when Tommy’s around -which is almost always- I listen to them rant about everything and nothing in the thickest Southern slang I’ve ever heard. 

We carve out our own little world within Jackson; almost like in Before Times. 

Getting up together, going about our day and falling asleep together. 

Ellie’s a full blown teenager; most days we have no idea where she is, or with whom. It takes Joel quite some time to get used to it. And even then, he only sleeps because he knows that as soon as she leaves the safety of our little town, the guards will immediately inform him. 

Patrol duties always lead to sleepless nights for whoever stays home. It’s a necessity and nobody complains or resists - it’s what keeps our community safe. 

And yet, I always spend the nights on the sofa, only breathing easier when I hear Joel’s heavy footsteps on the porch again. And I know that Joel doesn’t sleep on my patrol nights. He never says, and he’s always already up when I come back, but I can see the worry in the depth of his dark eyes and in the lines on his weathered face. 

He steps close then, pulling me into a long embrace, making sure I’m unharmed before murmuring a hoarse ‘good morning’ into my hair. 

Sometimes he comes back to bed with me, and neither of us sleeps then. 

Sometimes he’s got work to do and has to leave even though he’d rather stay, but I always wake up to find a sandwich or some fresh fruit that he’s left for me in the fridge. 

And every once in a while, Ellie is home and we have breakfast together, forgetting the real world for a bit.

[molluskzone]

art tipz:

sketch in a different color than you do lineart in and also make sure you use either a brush that is a low opacity or turn the opacity down on the layer so you dont accidentally draw the lineart on the sketch layer (i do pink, red, or blue for my sketch color and i always initially do lineart in black).

make sure your sketch is the same brush size or smaller than your lineart because it will be harder to line precisely if youre tracing over the sketch. this might be way you always think your sketch looks better than your lineart: thick sketches, or sketches where you go over the same line multiple times or chicken scratch will look better to you because its more ambiguous.

people are correct when they say that tracing is Morally Neutral but make sure youre A. using either your own photos or photos that are free to use (you can use unsplash to find reference photos or there is a function on google to filter by usage rights). photography is an art form too and you shouldnt just trace over photographs you dont have permission to use especially if youre tracing the composition and B. make sure the traced bit matches with the rest of your art style and stylization or else its gonna be super obvious that you traced it. also while tracing isnt a mortal sin you should draw from reference too it makes it way easier to draw from memory if you cant find or take a photo to trace.

if youre stuck on a piece download a new brush.

if you primarily draw digitally pick up a pencil. if you primarily draw traditionally try digitizing a piece you already made in photopea (or draw digitally if you have a tablet).

flip your canvas

flip your canvas

flip your canvas (ive seen some people complain about this advice because "if whoever looks at my art flips it in an editing program thats THEIR problem!!!" when thats not why people ask you to flip your canvas. they ask you to flip your canvas so YOU can see the mistakes easier. a lot of people tend to draw their characters at a lean/warp depending on if theyre right or left handed or what pose the character is in, and flipping the canvas helps you see this. the audience, however, has fresh eyes, and will likely be able to see the lean WITHOUT editing the photo. i personally see leans and unevenness all the time in other peoples art (not judging, i think its Fine and im not gonna complain about it, the pieces usually look good anyways, but you dont need to be a nitpick to notice this. also if you come back to your own piece later you might be able to see it). also if you draw traditionally look at it in a mirror or take a photo of it with your front camera)

the top jaw is connected to the head. the lower jaw is the one that moves. the NOSE and LIPS can move around because theyre flexible, but the teeth and the stop will not move unless the entire head moves.

notice how even though the mouth is open, the entire skull is moved along with the upper jaw. the lower jaw is the only part capable of moving independently from the rest of the skull

this is mainly an issue in furry art where people will break their characters skulls in order to open the mouth: only the squishy part of the nose and lips will flex

EXAMPLE OF THIS:

the soft part of his NOSE can be pushed up, but the rest of his face cannot be bent that way.

the front and back legs of most 4 legged animals (not all) bend differently from each other. example:

use a reference 4 more information... the internet is such a beautiful place

even if you are drawing just a bust of halfbody shot of a character. if you are drawing them With another character in in an environment MAKE A SIMPLE SKETCH OF THE ENTIRE BODY AND *THEN* CROP IT TO YOUR DESIRED SIZE. please learn from me i never do this and i always mess up the heights or proportions...

perhaps this advice is specific to me and nobody else but stop trying to "learn color theory" none of the tutorials work. color theory is learned by violently throwing yourself at it over and over and over and over and over again until you make something that works. you just Get It or you Dont Get It UNTIL you Get It and ive never met someone able to teach it properly in a way that allows you to apply it to your own art (especially digital art). just keep trying ur not doing something wrong just look at pieces you like and try to emulate how they use colors by eyeballing it. you will pick it up eventually. also try not using pure black or white unless you REALLY know what youre doing bc it usually is kind of distracting.

if ur trying to make a clear pose squint your eyes at it, if you can still see whats going on its probably fine. or just color the entire thing the lineart color to see the silhouette. or start sketching in blocked out silhouettes instead.

you can do whatever you want forever

[hiddenreflections]

cederic is saying

"You can like it, you can dislike it. But you cant shake it, you get the feeling you belong to our host. That you exist to shield her, or resolve around her, to accompany her. To be with her. To be for her. And it can drive you wild and mad. It can make you hurt her in unspeakable ways. It can make you trash the place. Make you act out. Hurt people around her. But you cant get it out of you no matter how hard you try. Youre bound to her. Youre not the main protagonist of this story, she is. She will always be more in control than you are. She will always have the upper hand, no matter how much you damage her or nearly drive her into suicide and madness. You will never win the fight you think youre having with her. Youre accessory. You were born that way and you will die that way. And shes wonderful, I love her. I love being hers. But even if I had to grapple with the fact this is never going to be my life as much as it is hers. True equality isnt possible here. I can never stand in the midst of life, have fun friends - well maybe a fun conversation or two with her friends, get them to like me a little bit, but im never gonna be her. Im not jealous of her anymore because I get that living is hard. I get that I wasnt split to be host. In our system it seems near impossible to overrule her. She always bounces back. We tried to exchange her, switch her out, repress her, stomp on her - albeit im not sure how serious in this we were, cause lets be honest we wouldnt know how to live life if he gained control of it. Real trauma units, every single one of us. We called ourselves meaningless side things before, wondering why she even bothers with us. We called ourselves gods and pretended to be above her much like our abuser would. But we cant shake it. We were born to be filled up with trauma and usually cant take over in general life. From time to time we do. From time to time we steal bigger timespans, though only a few alters are capable of it. Have a fun day or two. Go to a party. Have her wake up not remembering anything. But most of us are stuck carrying trauma and not having a life. Which begs the question what we should do, should we merge with her like our existence has never mattered? Or should we fight hard to persist as split off fragments and alters with a real sense of being alive? My host is precious, kind and sweet, even if vindictive thanks to Lilith. Lilith ruined our pure host. And she thrives off of it. Im kidding, I dont think shes ruined. I like it too. I like my host that way. I like my host liking who she is and she likes herself more through Lilith. I like being a sponge that sips up my hosts feelings and helps her sort through them, to motivate here to be there for her. But then I want to be in control of her again, hurt her, harm me, mark her. Just how our abuser did. The smallest abuser fragment. But im so capable of loving her.

It would probably be easier if we didnt have feelings, personality or.. names. Names she makes us choose first thing when we start appearing. Much easier if we were nameless emotionless beings that really only exist to store trauma. But we have a sense of individuality and agency, we exist as an alive person. When we fronted the person closest to us could always tell he was speaking to someone different, he instantly respected we were a person, cause we presented as such.

But that doesnt make it easy or solveable does it?

We arent just trauma units. We are people too. And we love our host in all the wrong ways, the right ways, the inbetween ways. Some of us arrange themselves with having no life, to life through her, to only seldom being capable of taking over and living life, others do want to merge with her so theyll be in control directly..

But..

you still cant shake your just hers, you know? Not like a posession or an object, humanized. But still hers. Part of her maybe, the smaller part. The hurt part. The more traumatised part. The fucked up part. But still just a part.

I could babysit our host and it would still not make me a full person. I could prove my power to her over and over again and it would still not put me in charge.

We have no choice but to love her and that makes us despise her.

Would you love someone youre forced to love because of some bullshit rule that your existence is meant to be around that person?

If I was my own person id take her for myself, fuck her every day, tuck her in to bed and play bedtime stories for her and cater to her in all the right ways, id mop the floor for her. Id still resolve around her, maybe. Maybe I wouldnt use that freedom to be my own person either. But.. id be free to choose that then. It would be my own choice. And id like to think I would make that choice, always, always, because its her, its her, for me its her. But im not getting to choose now, do I?

Of course I am making myself out to be more helpless than I actually am, I do get to choose whether I add to her life in a positive manner or not, I get to choose and pick how I portray myself, how I baby her, which is utter fun to me.

But I still wish I wouldnt do all of this for her from within a cage.

I dont wish for a different host, and my love for her is NOT just because of how I came to be, how I split to be. My love for her is REAL. But I have no way of proving that it is. I have no way of being without.. her. Im always trapped in a body that does not feel like my own, but more like hers. Stuck in a life that is not my own, but hers. And im accessory to her, and I love her for paying attention to me and letting me speak. And I dont mind her being in control, nor am I angry about it in the direct sense.

But I do wish I could love her from a seperate body.

But then I console myself, shes trapped with me too. She also doesnt get to choose. She doesnt get to decide whos co-host with her, she does not get to decide who toys with her, who is there for her. Shes just as stuck with me as im with her. Time and time again I made sure it feels exactly like this to her, like hell. To demonstrate my power. To play the almighty.

But what point does it really prove? I end up hurt too.

I dont think my love is twisted. I think my love for her is the only.. maybe not the only.. but one of the few things healthy about me. One of the few things that make me worth someone. And I could not notice how limited I am in comparison to another fuller person like her, nor do I want to notice my own limitations for I am content feeling like the individual I am on my own without understanding what it is im lacking or missing.

I am only small and frightened... terrible and sadistic.. Loving and in love..

But no one will free me. No one can. And I dont hate her for this. But maybe.. just maybe .. I wouldnt be as big of a sadist if I felt I was choosing her out of my free will.

Im sure navigating an actual relationship as an outside person with her would be hard, she doesnt have to give me any chances, and shes difficult to be around if shes not "curious" about you. Id probably miss out on her fast. Or maybe I wouldnt. Maybe we would have a very fullfilling very long mutually benefical friendship. She already cares so much for me even like this.. loves on me.. makes jokes with me.. makes nice to me.. plays around with me like im a little cat.

Im sure there would be many things I would miss about being part of her, being inside of her, too. Many features I can only access as an alter. Who knows how shed feel from me from the outside, without access to her rich inner life. Maybe id take her at face value and lack any insight into her.

Id never feel like shes mine or my posession again cause shed make it impossible for me to feel like that for her if I was external..

Like this shes mine and she cant escape it, I can take her whenever I feel like it.

I can own her. Love her. Be with her whenever I please.

But I also dont get to do much outside of it.

Theres upsides and downsides to every possible way of being, but no matter how I feel this is the only chance at life ill get. Not even as a full person, not even fully myself. But I am still alive and part of this life. And maybe that can be worth something too.

Maybe I am worth enough on my own, as my own person even inside her, even if ill never reach the depth or complexity she has.

I still fear being abandoned by her even though im inescapable to her. How nuts would it drive me to exist outside her where id have no safety, no control over her?

I am not trapped, well a little bit but not in a bad way.. though sometimes it feels like its in a bad way. But most days im satisfied now. Though more deeply I might still be coming to terms with it."

[dasheal]

Day Two of Many- my brain too loud

Phone vacation day two here... whew. I'm fucking tired. I usually need to watch youtube videos to fall asleep.. ya girl was up until two in the morning until I finally caved and watched some random video lmao. Out like a light. I'm sure it'll get easier but right now I'm not having a ton of fun lol

Like I wrote yesterday, I've allowed myself music but the negative to that is when its quiet my brain just re-runs one sentence or two of a song over and over again. Once I catch that I'm doing it I try to stop and my brain just won't quiet. Even saying "quiet" in my head sounds so loud? I think meditation is in my future, to try to get my brain to just shut the fuck up for a bit.

Even thought its only day two, I already look forward to writing this. It makes me think I need notebooks around so I can write down my thoughts whenever. Not that they are very interesting, but I seem to like writing it down none-the-less.

I'd rather not make these posts too long, as I'm sure even I'll get bored of reading it sometime in the future. But today was good and bad and I wanna talk about it. It was almost like a high to try to be as present as possible, and make my every move with intention. Well, specifically in regards to my phone right now. I always need some sort of intention when I do something on it. I allowed myself to watch a Drew Gooden video today because it was about a dopamine fast(similar to what I'm doing) and it had been on my mind since this morning. My intention was to hopefully learn something from the video.

But... is it okay to watch a video just because I enjoy it? No other intention? Isn't that what sort of got me into this mess in the first place? I mean, 30 minute long youtube videos are different than something like Tik-Tok... right? Maybe if I make sure to focus on the youtube video as something that interests me, something I can watch by itself and not have to be doing something else in the background.

Drew said something about how he wonders if in twenty years we will look back and feel really depressed about how we spent our 20s and 30s since we are all internet/phone obsessed. I already feel that way, I'm 23 and I haven't really done anything all that interesting in a long time.. Like learn an instrument, a language, go take a class just cause its something i want to do.... I just come home and sit on my phone, or play overwatch or pokemon or watch youtube videos and then the day is gone and im never going to get it back. alright well now everthing is gonna be lowercase cause i aint wanna fix whats above.

im glad that today is over and im looking forward to the future. not tomorrow tho. very much not looking forward to tomorrow