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marvelfansince08love · 4 years

Text

Wanting

Word count: 3605

Pairing: Elizabeth Olsen x Reader, Platonic Relationships Sarah Paulson x Cate Blanchett x Scarlett Johansson x Reader.

A/N: For my dear friend @witchxaf who needed a little pick me up for tomorrow and needed a fic with all her favs in it lmao. I hope everything goes okay and I hope this helps! I send you my love. This is my first ever celeb fic and will probably be my last lmao so please be gentle.

Thank you @imnotasuperhero for editing this for me, you are a gem x

Summary: R is a new upcoming actress who has been working on a film with Lizzie and Sarah. At the premiere things take a drastic turn which could lead Lizzie confessing her feelings for R.

Permanent tags: @waitingfortheendtocome @natasha-danvers

Bright white lights flashed before your eyes as you stood on the red velvet carpet. With one hand in your suit pants you stood tall and confident for the cameras throwing your signature smirk while people shouted at you to turn one way or the other, asking you who made the expensive tailored suit which you answered without pause or faltering. The lights and people surrounded you like a caged animal as you start to feel overwhelmed by the exposure, only ever being in small indie movies before this, you were still adjusting to your new found fame in Hollywood. You are about to go and find your agent to ask if you could skip the rest of the carpet and go inside but a warm familiar hand presses gently against your back, rubbing subtly as if knowing your anxious state.

“You doing okay, Y/N?” The soft voice whispers close to you, while smiling forward at the crowd of paparazzi. You glance quickly to the warm voice, instantly relaxing at her touch.

“I’m okay Liz, just-”

“Overwhelmed.” She finishes before throwing another big smile. You laugh breathlessly and nod in confirmation at her choice of wording. She rubs your back one last time before placing a platonic kiss to your cheek, you watch her for a second forgetting where you are as you finally take in her appearance, dressed in a long red gown with a deep neckline showing off her chest beautifully.

‘God she’s beautiful’

She turns to look at you and winks subtly away from the camera and mouths ' You're doing great,’. leaving you grinning at her reassurance before turning back to the people and smirking wide.

‘Maybe I can get through tonight after all,’ you think, as your agent takes you away from the carpet for an interview.

***

“Y/N, hey!!” The familiar sound of your other co-star shouts over the loud noise at the after party.

You turn to see Sarah walking elegantly towards you in her off the shoulder black dress that flows just past her knees with Cate in tow dressed in one of her signature coloured suits.

“Sarah, Cate! You guys look incredible.” You gush as Sarah pulls you into a tight hug. She pulls back keeping her hands on either side of your shoulders as she scans your outfit. She grins before replying.

“The suit is a nice touch. You guys are making me regret my choice.” She jokes, fake pouting. You all share a laugh at your friend's goofy personality, before getting into a conversation about the film.

“You guys did such an incredible job, I was speechless when it finished. You should be proud of yourself, darling.” Cate compliments, ever the mother hen. You worked with Cate and Sarah during Carol, although you had a minor role in the movie you hit it right off with the two women during the scenes you worked on together.

You blush at the compliment and mutter your thanks before reaching out for a glass of champagne from a passing tray, taking a large sip.

“She was more than just incredible, she was flawless.” Lizzie’s voice appears from behind you, as she presses her front to your back reaching for your glass to take a sip making you tense at the close and intimate gesture. Sarah smiles knowingly at your tense posture.

You see, you may not recognise the signs but Sarah has been working with you and Lizzie for over 6 months and has been watching you both very closely. The small smiles and lingering touches between takes, when you would go for drinks with other casts and crew members during the evenings, Sarah noticed how you both would gravitate towards each other as the night went on. You’d laugh loudly while Lizzie continued to whisper in your ear; while you laughed Sarah could see the small glint of contentment in her eyes while she stared at you.

“That she was! So, a round of tequila to celebrate our new success?” Sarah asks excitedly, already making her way to the bar while Cate rolls her eyes in good nature and follows after her leaving you with Lizzie, her hand reaching for your own.

“Let’s go. I don’t want to lose you in the crowd now, do I?” She teases. The feeling of her hand wrapped around your own as her thumb brushes across your skin while she guides you towards the bar.

Once you’ve reached the bar you find Scarlett had joined the duo, clearly looking for Lizzie.

“Scar! You made it! I tried looking for you outside before we came in but I couldn’t find you anywhere,” Lizzie squeals from beside you as she launches into her best friend/co-star’s arms. You smile at the exchange and wave to the blonde who winks in greeting over Lizzie’s shoulder.

“Shots?” Sarah sings holding out the tray. You accept the harsh liquor gratefully as you all toast the movie’s success.

The night continues on with drinks flowing and laughter being shared as you watch Sarah demonstrate her ‘mom dance’ working up the crowd. You shake your head at how ridiculous your friends are before leaning into Lizzie’s side and whispering.

“I’m just going to the bathroom, please try and keep her out of trouble.” You beg jokingly making her chuckle.

“I’m sure Cate can take care of her.” She reassures as she eyes the two now messing around on the dancefloor as Sarah fails to take off her heels.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of.” You joke back, as Scarlett intervenes by taking a hold of Sarah’s arm to support her weight.

You head towards the bathroom, squeezing through the crowds of people as you quickly greet other casts on your way hoping that you won’t be stopped. Once you have relieved yourself you stand and wash your hands while tidying up your hair from all the dancing.

“Hey, Beautiful.” You lock eyes with the voice, internally cringing at the thought of being stuck in the bathroom with this woman.

“Hey Kate, I didn’t know you would be here tonight.” You speak keeping your tone formal, not wanting to invite more conversation than the pleasantries. You watch her smirk through the mirror.

“What, and miss out on showing my support? I don’t think so. You were amazing by the way, perfect even.” She flirts as she eyes your form. “You look stunning baby,” She compliments moving closer to you, making you step away from the sink and towards the door.

“Thanks, but I should head back to my frie-” Her hand slams onto the door frame actively closing it shut in front of you as she invades your space making you lean against the only entrance out of there.

“I’m sure they wouldn’t mind me stealing you away for a bit. Come on, you know I really like you and I know you enjoyed our date.” She presumes, her lips brushing against your cheek as you turn your head away.

“I’m sure if I enjoyed it as much as you say I did, I would have called you back by now Kate. So I would appreciate it if you would just back the fuck off and leave me the hell alone.” You push back, shoving her hands off the door leading her to stumble back at the force. You step away from the door and go to leave but her hand wraps tightly around your sleeve.

“Wait, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come across so rude and pervy. I just really like you Y/N. Please, can we talk about this?” She asks softly but her hand is still wrapped tightly around you.

“I think you should let go of her before I do something about it.” That warm soft voice makes you close your eyes in sweet relief as Lizzie rushes forward ready to step in while Scarlett tries to talk her down, but Kate releases your arm and throws her hands up in surrender as you hear more footsteps enter the bathroom door, knowing that Sarah and Cate have also joined her.

“I wasn’t trying to hurt her, we were just talking. Right, Y/N?” Her eyes piercing into your own, making you feel sick.

Instead of answering her you turn towards Lizzie and hold onto her bicep gently as you avoid the others gaze on you.

“Can we just go?” You beg, watching as she glares down at the woman behind you. You hear a scoff from Kate which makes you turn back around in questioning. She shakes her perfectly long blonde hair flabbergasted as she eyes your hand on Lizzie.

“So, it’s not that you didn’t enjoy our date it’s because your fucking your co-star.” She spats, her eyes darken as she continues to make allegations on your relationship with Lizzie.

“Now wait a minute lady, you have no right in being here let alone making silly accusations because Y/N wouldn’t date you.” Sarah jumps to your defence while Lizzie remains silent next to you, making you frown at her lack of response.

‘Surely she would shut those allegations down’ You think, confused by her silence.

“Sarah’s right, I think you should leave before I call security over and they throw your ass out of here.” Cate says angrily, you're shocked by her tone knowing that she is usually the one to remain calm and professional, even during confrontation. Kate laughs humorlessly before stepping closer towards you, eyeing your form however this time she looks at you in disdain.

“You are welcome to have her. She was only good for one thing, anyway.” She riles, smirking as she waits for you to retaliate but before you could argue back a fist moves past your face and into Kate’s cheek making her stumble back in shock as Scarlett launches forward to grab a hold of Lizzie to stop her from attacking her again while Sarah grabs you to remove you from the situation.

“Liz enough! Do you want the press to get whiff of this? They would eat you alive.” Scar shouts, keeping a tight hold around Lizzie’s waist. Whispering reassurance words into her ear as she struggles against her hold.

“You talk about her like that again, I’ll do more than leave a cut up lip.” Lizzie threatens quietly. Cate intervenes to keep Kate at bay and to take control of the situation.

“Okay! Sarah, take Y/N to clean up and Scarlett, please get her out of here and maybe see someone who can check her knuckles or something. I’ll take care of this one.” She orders leaving no room for questions. The soft arm around your waist pulls slightly to bring your attention back to your friend.

“Come on, Y/N. Let’s go, sweetheart.” She whispers into hair, you nod in acknowledgement before letting her guide you out of there. You lock eyes with Lizzie for a split second hoping to find some answers but the subtle shake of her head tells you that conversation isn’t happening anytime soon.

Sarah takes you over to one of the booths at the back of the club, away from the crowd. You feel stares from all angles -knowing that the fight inside the bathroom was anything but quiet, making you blush at their judging stares but Sarah keeps a firm hold on you in solidarity whispering encouraging words into your ear.

“Ignore them, Y/N. They just want something to gossip about. Let’s sit down and have a drink, yeah?” She asks, gesturing to the bartender for another round of shots.

Once sat inside the booth, you both down the shots from the tray and sit in comfortable silence while watching the party goers who have now lost interest in your drama.

You can see Sarah shift around as she clears her throat, clearly wanting to say something to you, but trying her best to refrain.

“Just spit it out, Paulson.” You sigh, tiredly.

“Okayyy... So, you wanna tell me why Lizzie decided to go all knight in shining woman on your ass? Not that I’m not grateful for her interference because if she hadn’t stepped in, I was gonna,” she rambled, the alcohol clearly hitting her.

“Nothing is going on between me and Lizzie, I don’t know why Kate said it. Probably just jealous that I’d prefer pretty much anyone else’s company. Lizzie and I are just friends, nothing more nothing less.” You swear, already screaming to yourself how untrue that is.

“Y/N, I’m going to be honest with you. Working with the two of you over the past six months has made me realise that your ‘just friends’ statement is bullshit. I see the way you look at each other, the way she is constantly looking out for you. You’re like magnets whenever you're in the same room.” She smiles warmly when she finds your eyes “I’m sorry, but I don’t look at my friends the way you look at each other.” Sarah confesses, her eyes full of understanding showing no judgement.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Sarah. She doesn’t want me, you heard Kate. Apparently, I’m only useful for one thing. She deserves so much more,” You sulk, self doubt slowly creeping its way through into your mind.

“You are not used goods, darling. You deserve all the happiness in the world and that includes her. Now stop your sulking and give us a smile or do I need to go back onto the dancefloor and make a fool of myself?” She teases, nudging you playfully before thrusting her chest out to the beat of the music making you laugh at her silly behaviour.

After that you decide to stick around a little longer, mainly to keep an eye out for Lizzie and Scarlett. Cate had returned to the booth with a frustrated frown in place making you feel guilty that your friend had to sort out the mess that you caused.

“That woman has to be the most infuriating person I have ever met. I’ve never wanted to hit a woman before but she-” You interrupt her ranting by throwing your arms around her and whispering a ‘thank you,’ before placing a grateful kiss to her temple while retreating back into your seat.

“I’m Australian, I’ve broken up worse fights, Y/N.” She jokes, before grabbing her drink and taking a sip.

Your friends continue to joke back and forth hoping to keep the lighter topics running, but your eyes can’t help but wander around the room hoping to catch a glimpse of brunette hair and red dress. You relax and sigh in relief once your eyes land on the certain duo heading your way. A sudden wave of anxiety creeps in at the thought of having to act like nothing had happened and that you had some unfinished business with Lizzie which you knew, would have to be discussed sooner rather than later.

“I think I’m just going to call it a night,” you address the two in the booth, standing ready. They protest at your announcement but understand why once they see Lizzie approach the table. You hug them both tightly and promise them that you will message them in the morning before leaving the booth area. However, the hand that wraps around your elbow tells you, you haven’t managed to avoid Lizzie.

“Are you going home?” Her voice hurt, realising you were about to leave without saying goodbye.

“Oh, umm- yeah. I’m pretty tired and it’s been a long day.” You stutter, keeping your eyes on the cut that marks her soft skin.

“Oh well, let me grab my coat and we can go.” She says, letting go of your arm.

“I- Umm.”

“You forgot I was staying at yours tonight,” She says softly, a small smirk in place but you can tell by her eyes that she’s upset.

“No, of course not! Sorry, just a lot has happened tonight. I guess my mind was somewhere else.” You try to cover.

“Okay, well let me grab my coat and we can leave.” She repeats before turning to Scarlett and hugging her close before repeating the same with Cate and Sarah who have left the booth to see what the hold up was. Scarlett places her hand upon your shoulder, gaining your attention.

“Take it easy on her, she may be my best friend but she’s stubborn as hell. I hope you guys can work it out,” She requests before pulling you in for a brief hug.

You awkwardly exit the building with Lizzie next to you, both rushing towards the car to avoid the paparazzi still surrounding the building. You both sit in silence in the back of the vehicle debating on what to say, you can feel Lizzie’s eyes on you.

That overwhelming feeling of guilt creeps up again as you think about the bathroom incident and how she stuck up for you, and you hadn’t even thanked her.

You slowly reach your hand across the middle seat and place your pinkie on top of her stroking lightly across her skin, you feel her remove her hand and grab a hold of your own fully in silent comfort.

Once outside your open apartment, you both silently enter the building and make your way into the kitchen area. You finally break the silence.

“I still have a spare set of your clothes from last time, I can put them into the spare room for you if you like?” You ask trying to sound casual at the statement. She smirks softly at you before taking a seat at the kitchen island and removing her heels.

“A fresh pair of pyjamas sound amazing right now,” she mumbles tiredly, leaning against her forearms on the counter. You smile softly at her adorable tried expression.

“Okay sleepyhead, go and get ready for bed. If you need me I’ll be in my room, you know where everything is right?”

“Of course, I do. It’s like my second home.” She answers softly, making your heart flutter at her statement. You falter in your steps as you move past her towards the hallway. Turning your head slightly you finally acknowledge her actions from earlier.

“I never thanked you for standing up for me before, I really appreciate it Liz.” You thank her. She turns in her seat to look at you with an unreadable expression.

“Of course, Y/N. I’d do anything for you.” Her statement makes you blush and fluster as you nod quickly before exiting the room and towards your bedroom.

‘Just friends my ass’

***

You spit the last traces of toothpaste into the sink when you hear a soft knock at your bedroom door announcing Lizzie’s presence. You quickly wipe your mouth of any excess toothpaste before making your way to your door. She stands timidly in her satin lace shorts and thin strapped top, her hair flows down her covered chest, making her look younger.

“I know it’s late, but I was hoping we could talk?” She tentatively asks. You gulp at the thought before nodding your head and letting her into your room.

You stand awkwardly by the door as she settles onto the edge of the bed. Her hands brush over your soft throw picking at the material as if trying to gather her thoughts.

“I should have said something earlier about Kate’s comment. She was out of order saying that about you and I was just so angry I-”

“Lizzie, it’s okay.” You interrupt, your feet finally moving. “You did a lot more than you realise,” She shakes her head at your attempt to reassure her.

‘God, why was this so difficult?’ You sigh tiredly making your way to your bed, you could feel your heart reverberating in your ears.

“No, I should have defended you when she accused you of not like her because you were sleeping with me.” She looks at your eyes intently and you inhale deeply at the regret those green orbs held. “I guess I just thought, would it be so bad if I just let her think that, let her think you were mine?“ Her voice trails off, as your eyes widen at her confession.

“Liz I-”

“I’m in love with you, Y/N. And it has been driving me insane not being able to tell you.” She accommodates herself so her body faces your own. “I understand the world we live in and I know it can be harsh, especially in our line of work. But screw that and screw them. I love you and I hope I’m right in assuming you love me too,” Her voice trembles towards the end of her confession, her eyes looking up towards you as silent tears fall down her soft cheeks.

‘Screw them indeed.’ You think. The longing in your chest finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

You smile crookedly at her before moving, crouching in front of her sad form taking both her hands into your own. A giggle escapes you as you place a delicate kiss on her bruised knuckle.

“I’m in love with you too, my very own rocky.” You tease, watching as she laughs through the free falling tears.

You can’t hold it anymore. Succumbing to your desires, you launch forward and place a gentle kiss to her full soft lips before pulling back enough to whisper against her lips.

“Now I think my knight in shining armour deserves an award, hm?” You flirt, watching her eyes darken at your suggestion as you throw her a dirty grin.

“Yes, an award... right,”

#elizabeth olsen x reader #elizabeth olsen #wanda maximoff x female!reader #wanda x reader #marvel #celeb fic #my work

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dornish-queen · 4 years

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Pedro Pascal: “I already took all my drugs very early. In middle age, a hangover is not an option ”

When he was approaching 40, he resigned himself to having sporadic papers that would allow him to pay the rent. But playing Oberyn Martell in 'Game of Thrones' changed his life and opened the doors of 'Narcos'. Since then it has not stopped. Now he's the villain from the blockbuster 'Wonder Woman 1984'

JUAN SANGUINO

THE ANGELS OCT 2, 2020 - 3:19 PM EDT

The first big opportunity of his career was presented in 2011, when he participated in the pilot episode of Wonder Woman for NBC, but the network discarded the series and Pedro Pascal returned to his main occupation: casting castings to play the criminal of the week in the Law and order of duty. “That cancellation was a disappointment, of course, I wanted to work. I did not care if it was something good or bad, I just wanted to work, "he recalls today from his home in Los Angeles during a virtual conversation with ICON. Now Pascal plays the villain of Wonder Woman 1984 , one of the blockbusters destined to return audiences to movie theaters .

How can you not believe in fate? The boy who broke his arm twice playing Indiana Jones has ended up becoming the favorite hero of the kids (the bounty hunter in The Mandalorian ), his parents (Agent Peña in Narcos ) and, well, everyone's. world (Oberyn Martell, The Red Viper, in Game of Thrones ). When Pedro was little, the good guys were always white and the bad guys were Russian, Arab or Latino. The Wonder Woman 1984 villain , however, is a white billionaire played by a Chilean.

“The film is set in the United States of the eighties, which were marked by capitalist greed. It was a tainted concept of evil. Stripped of humanity, but still absolutely attractive and alluring. People who dreamed of being rich and successful had to be salivated. It is true that at that time villains in the cinema projected a xenophobic image. Now the white man can finally be the bad guy, ”explains Pascal.

Some already compare his character, Maxwell Lord, to Donald Trump because of that muck in this mud: Reagan's glorification of rogue moguls in America turned guys like Trump into aspirational role models and glamorous stars. “Trump was not the core of inspiration for my character, on our costume designer's board were Gordon Gekko [Michael Douglas on Wall Street ], American Psycho's Patrick Bateman and other suckers in expensive eighties suits. All those millionaires who hid despair, unbridled ambition and terrified masculinity ”, he clarifies. If Pedro Pascal sounds like a socialist infiltrated in Hollywood it is because that is exactly what he is.

“When Reagan was elected, many people around me were frustrated that the worst forms of capitalism were winning. In my home, with refugee and socialist parents, conservatism was not demonized but it did go against what was important to my family, ”he says. Pascal's father, José Balmaceda, was an Allende supporter doctor who saved the life of a priest wounded by Pinochet's militia .

The priest was later tortured and ended up confessing the name of his savior. When the police went to look for Balmaceda at the hospital where he worked, he took his wife and the newborn Pedro and jumped over the wall of the Venezuelan embassy in Santiago de Chile to request political asylum. That's why Pedro ended up growing up in San Antonio (Texas), in a socialist home but in Reagan's land. A Chilean with no memories of Chile who was called Peter in high school.

At the age of 20, Pascal was in Madrid working as a go-go and keeps good memories. Here she is wearing a Prada sweater. Photo: Danielle DeGrasse-Alston / Realization: Warren Alfie Baker

The Chilean-born but US-raised actor wears a Paul Smith sweater and suit. Photo: Danielle DeGrasse-Alston / Realization: Warren Alfie Baker

Pascal has never left the immigrant mentality behind. Even his father, who came to open a practice in California, always lived in terror that at any moment everything could vanish. “It doesn't matter who you are, how much you are working or how much you get paid. Deep down you always think that each job is the last one ”, confesses the actor. Maybe that's why he didn't dare move from his Red Hook, Brooklyn, hovel to a house more suitable for a Hollywood star until filming for Kingsman 2 and Narcos was over . Nor is it that he had spent more than an entire week at his house since, in 2014, Game of Thrones made him the guy most people would want to party with.

Pascal knew right away that Oberyn Martell, the Westerosi rockstar who always seemed willing to fight or fornicate with the same bravado, was going to change his life. “I had done a lot of castings for friends' plays, for copier factory ads or for very serious independent films that no one was going to see, while I watched how many characters that I had been about to play changed the lives of others. actors. And thanks to my experience and maturity, I recognized the potential of Oberyn. I understood who he was and who he could be ”, he presumes.

The actor found out about the audition when one of his acting students told him that he had taken the test but had been discarded because of his youth. Pedro snapped up and must have thought, “What would Oberyn do?” So he recorded a video on his phone and sent it to his good friend, actress Sarah Paulson . She passed it on to her good friend actress Amanda Peet and this one to her husband, David Benioff, one of the creators of Game of Thrones . The rest is the history of television and headaches: when he informed the Narcos producer that he was available to play Pablo Escobar's pursuing policeman, he accused him of making a spoiler for Game of Thrones: If Pascal had a free agenda, it is because Oberyn was going to lose his fight against La Montaña . He couldn't imagine, of course, in what way.

Part of that electric, lively and hedonistic energy of Oberyn comes to Pascal from the summer (that of 1996) that he spent in Madrid, where in addition to studying he worked as a go-go in a disco. That stay was transformative because the actor realized that he had had to adapt his identity all his life with each new move, but in Madrid he felt effortlessly at home. “I was 20 years old and I liked it so much that I almost moved. My main language is English, I have an American accent and I can pass for white. But in my house there were many cultural differences with respect to the outside world and I remember that when I was 20 years old, when I came to Madrid, I felt very comfortable in my own skin in a way that I had never felt anywhere else. I guess I was not aware that I had spent my childhood and adolescence learning new ways of adapting, connecting, learning, and pulling. On the contrary, living in Madrid was organic and easy for me. I made friends right away and I felt supported, ”he recalls.

By the time he was 40 Pascal was resigned to being an actor with enough odd jobs to pay the rent. According to him, his aquiline nose was a bad nose by Hollywood standards. Far from being offended or frustrated by this typecasting, he was looking forward to it, if it translated into a new check. “It is very strange to develop a fantasy as a child, to have the opportunity to turn it into a hobby, then some studies and finally transform all that into a career. That is the bet. But my dream of becoming Leonardo DiCapriodied. He died dozens and dozens of times. So to move on he had to accept that, at best, he was going to be an actor with a job. That was already a triumph, "he says. "Also, I accepted that I was not qualified for anything else, I had no more skills: I had put all my time, my energy and my concentration in being an actor and the rest in living life and having fun."

That absence of vanity lives on today, even when he's been involved in large-scale projects for five years without stopping. After Game of ThronesHe has made eight films, of which seven are action blockbusters. The wave of fame came to him when he was no longer expecting it but when he was well prepared to ride it. Still, every workday is a surprise and she acknowledges that what amazes her most about Hollywood is the sheer physical stamina that people have. “Sometimes a project can look like building a city, with all the hours, all the work and all the energy it requires. Some people have better stamina and can get by with little sleep. That is an interesting contradiction: all the people creatively involved in a film have a special sensitivity and at the same time have developed a very tough skin and energy to go through the physical experience of shooting it, ”he admires.

Then Pascal switches to Spanish (the language he uses to confess intimacies) and explains, in a few words, that he is old for this shit. “I thought I had all the energy in the world and now, in my 40s, I see that ... wow! There are times when I don't know if I will be able to reach the goal, because my energy is not at the necessary level. But I always take it forward ”, he guarantees. Maybe that's why people get so high in Hollywood. Pascal responds between laughter and again in Spanish.

“I already took all my drugs very early. It is something that is already too much in the past, and in middle age a hangover is not an option. No, no, no ”, she assures. What if the other hangover, that of the wave of fame, runs over you? “I was a good waiter. Not at first, because they fired me many times, but I ended up getting the hang of it, ”he jokes. If the Hollywood thing doesn't go well, you can always put drinks again. But for now Pedro Pascal is the personification that the American dream , although sometimes it takes a little longer to materialize, really exists. Even Ronald Reagan would be proud.

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#pedro pascal #el pais icon #whole article

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bewitching-elizabeth-olsen · 3 years

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Press: “It’s a New Day”: THR Drama Actress Roundtable

THE HOLLYWOOD REPORTER: Gillian Anderson had been dreading this. A tripod had arrived at her home in the U.K., along with a mess of lights and, really, just the thought of having to sit through an hour-plus on Zoom had her practically reeling. But then the woman who stuns as Margaret Thatcher in the most recent season of Netflix’s The Crown got talking — about pigeonholing and pay equity, about grieving and giving oneself over — and soon she didn’t want to stop talking. And neither did anyone else — The Queen’s Gambit‘s Anya Taylor-Joy, Pose‘s Mj Rodriguez, Genius: Aretha‘s Cynthia Erivo, WandaVision’s Elizabeth Olsen and Ratched‘s Sarah Paulson — at THR’s annual (virtual) Drama Actress Roundtable.

Let’s start easy. Complete this sentence: On set, I’m the one who is most likely to be …

GILLIAN ANDERSON Hiding in a corner. (Laughter.)

ANYA TAYLOR-JOY Pacing whilst moving my hands like this (waving above) trying to figure out what it is that I’m doing.

SARAH PAULSON Bossing everyone around.

ELIZABETH OLSEN Probably trying to make the crew laugh.

At the same time, you’re also inhabiting characters for long stretches and often they require you to go to dark or heavy places. What happens when a director yells, “Cut”? Do they come home with you?

MJ RODRIGUEZ I try to separate myself from Blanca as much as possible, especially [because we’re] dealing with immense trauma. So, when I go home, it’s Michaela Jaé going home, and I bring Blanca to the set. It’s easier that way because it can weigh on you otherwise and wash off on your family.

TAYLOR-JOY I wish I had as much control over it. For me, there are some characters that you can very easily snap in and out of and then there are other ones like Beth in The Queen’s Gambit. I’d worked back-to-back on two projects with one day off in between, so by the time I got to filming the show, I was exhausted and there was no energy to create a barrier. And that was potentially the toughest thing about the show, because it was a wonderful experience as an actor to be able to not have to reach for any emotion, but then you also have to go through the psychological warfare of figuring out, “Why do I feel so awful in the morning?” Like, “What is happening?” And then you go, “Oh, it’s not my feelings,” but I have to sit in them all day and I have to be aware enough to go, “You are not depressed, the character is depressed, and at some point that will leave you.” But I do think a bath every single night — being able to have the visual representation of washing yourself clean of something — helps.

OLSEN Regardless of what exactly the day requires of you, emotionally, you’re just tired. And so you try to be patient and professional and kind, and then when you go home, that’s when your fuse is just … smaller. (Laughter.)

TAYLOR-JOY You should date us, we’re fabulous.

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CYNTHIA ERIVO I did, it was a real ugly cry. After playing [Harriet Tubman in the 2019 film], I went straight to see my mother in London and I don’t know what happened, but I just broke. You know the visual representation of shattering glass? That was what was happening to me. All the stuff I had to dig through to play her, all that heartbreaking stuff didn’t leave me when I finished, and it took time to just dissipate. And it was the same with Aretha — unfortunately, the pandemic hit when we were in the middle of shooting, so I couldn’t completely get rid of her during the six-month hiatus, and then I had to go right back into playing her. And it’s little things, like mannerisms, that stick with you. The lilt in her voice when she’s speaking to people. Like, that’s not me but I was stuck with that for a bit. And I was recording an album at the same time, so there was no space between one and the other. It took me a while before I could listen to an Aretha song again.

ANDERSON I certainly had that experience doing X-Files for nine seasons. I had a good couple of mini breakdowns during that, and at the end, could not talk about it, could not see it, could not see pictures, could not. I needed to immerse immediately in theater in another country. And then after a while, I was able to embrace it again, but when I started to embrace it, it was almost like I separated myself so much that I was looking at the image as if it was another person. When you immerse yourself so entirely as we can and we do for such long periods of time, there’s not going to be no consequence to that. Of course, there’s going to be consequence to that.

TAYLOR-JOY May I pose a question to the group?

Please do.

TAYLOR-JOY It’s so wonderful hearing you two talk about this, because I’ve always felt really crazy for the depressions that you go into after you leave a character and not being able to necessarily connect with yourself. And I’m really curious to hear what your relationship is with something being seen. Because when I first started working, I convinced myself that filmmaking was a very private practice with a private group of people and that no one was ever going to see it. And I thought I’d grow out of that, and I haven’t. Every project I have to sit myself down about two months after it’s finished and go, “People are going to see this and have access to it whenever they want.” How do you guys work [handle that]? Because for Queen’s Gambit, I had to go through a grieving period. It was grief, genuinely, to think, “Oh goodness, this thing that I loved so much is not mine anymore.”

ANDERSON I had that experience after doing Blanche in Streetcar [Named Desire] here in the U.K. and then in New York.

OLSEN I saw your last performance in New York. You were fabulous.

PAULSON Fucking phenomenal.

ANDERSON I felt like I’d lost my best friend. I was grieving. Some friends of mine in New York had a brunch for me the weekend after [I finished my run], and I arrived like a complete wreck. It was so profound. I also knew it was unlikely I was going to do it again because I knew that I’d probably lose my mind. I got really close. Like, I’d survived by the skin of my teeth and if I did it again out of ego or attachment or not wanting to let her go, there would be consequences. So I knew it was the end, and it was so sad.

ERIVO Do you know what’s so crazy? I listen to you and I’m like, “Oh my God, that’s what was happening to me during The Color Purple.” It was the last show and I started grieving in the show, knowing that it was coming to an end. There’s one last song and I couldn’t get through it. And then the show ends and I buckled under the sadness of it. But there was no way I could have continued playing Celie on that stage. It [had been] 14 months and I had to let her go. The line between me and her had disappeared. But to answer your question, Anya, I’ve never had an issue with people seeing things. I usually have an issue seeing it after it’s done.

PAULSON This happened when I did Marcia Clark [for The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story]. I felt a profound connection to her and I felt protective of her, and the experience had been so tectonic plate-shifting for me, both as a performer and as a human, and I thought, “If I watch it, I’m going to pick apart everything.” She was left-handed, so every time I use my right hand, I’m going to think, “God damn it, why did they use that?” So, the only way to protect myself from that is to detach from what the world will experience with it. And I’ve maintained that for a long time now — I really don’t watch [things I’m in] because I don’t have the strength, first of all, to bear the sight of my face and, also, I find it really confronting. The preciousness of the thing you were creating with these other people is what I want to be the indelible thing for me and not how it was edited.

TAYLOR-JOY Mm-hmm.

PAULSON All that does is make me furious because I don’t have the power to go in and go, “Hi, um, could you choose take six? It’s infinitely better.” (Laughter.) And when you don’t have that ability and you’re at the mercy of someone else’s opinion of what is the finest work that you’ve done, which doesn’t always line up with what you feel, it’s really jarring and you feel so powerless to do anything about it. So, I have to just sage it all out and let my experience be the only thing that governs the way I feel about it.

RODRIGUEZ When the first two seasons of Pose came out, I didn’t watch them at first because I was just so nervous about how the world would receive it. It was a story that a lot of people haven’t gotten to see, and it was a whole bunch of trans women of color finally getting their shot. It’s a lot of responsibility. And on top of that, it’s a story that’s filled with trauma and things that a lot of us trans women have gone through, so it was hard for me to watch all of those things back.

Gillian, in your career you’ve also been a champion for pay equity. But even as you were promoting a book you co-authored on female empowerment a few years ago, you acknowledged that you were nervous speaking up about being paid less than your male co-star. What do you think you were scared of, and how have the conversations for you changed since?

ANDERSON I just need to point out that I first fought for pay equity way back when it was audacious by anybody’s standards, because I was a nobody when we started to do that series. But when I really spoke up about it was when it happened again, four or five years ago, after the career I’d already had post-X-Files. We were going back to do another season and Fox came to me to offer, I don’t know, a 10th of what my co-star [David Duchovny] was being offered. That was the point where I was like, “Fuck this. I’m actually going to talk about this [publicly].” And since then, it hasn’t really come up. I mean, I haven’t worked with a lot of men, so that hasn’t been an issue. (Laughs.) I’m certainly tuned to it, and were it something now, I’d address it. But I have so much admiration for anyone who stands up for their right either to be paid or to be hired, period. And look, they weren’t going to fire me on The X-Files. The stakes weren’t that high. I put my foot down, not because the stakes weren’t high, but if they were going to fire me, some people were going to have some things to say about that. It’s very different for a young woman going into a job situation with a boss who’s overbearing and asking for a pay raise.

Sure, you had leverage.

ANDERSON Yeah.

For the rest of you, when have you spoken up in your careers?

ERIVO I mean, the obvious is I’m a Black woman, and that has a lot to do with how you’re paid, how you’re hired, if you’re hired, the way you’re hired — it affects everything. I’m lucky enough to have a team behind me that is brave enough to ask the questions I’d like asked: What I’m being paid compared to the leading man in the show, or if I’m being paid a lot less, whether or not they are willing to come up so it becomes equal. And about little things in my contract that just make it easier to exist on a set. For me, it’s about having the guts to stick with it and to keep asking and keep fighting. And there are definitely times where you’re like, “I am so exhausted from asking the same thing.” Like, if we could please have this makeup artist with me because usually there are no Black makeup artists on a set and you’re the only one who needs one, and I’ve had to have that fight every single time I’ve gone onto a set: “I need to hire these two people because they are the only people that understand how to do my face or my hair.” It isn’t about vanity, it’s about making sure that whoever I’m playing is represented in the right way because they understand how to work with my skin tone and my hair. But you keep sticking with it because it’s not just me having my way, it’s me being able to employ two other people. And then maybe I’m asking, “Can we have a DP who understands lighting that works on my skin tone?” So it’s constantly being OK with asking the questions. And there is a bit of fear, like, “Am I going to be seen as difficult?” And yes, there are times where I’ve had someone say they’ve heard I was difficult, but usually, it’s because I’ve asked a question that will make for a better surrounding or a better show. And if I keep asking the questions and if other ladies like myself keep asking the questions, and we keep trying to better our spaces, it just becomes the norm — because at some point it has to just become the norm.

Elizabeth, I believe you had a saying in your house growing up, “No is a full sentence.” When do you find you use it?

OLSEN I use it a lot. (Laughs.) I use it when I’m on set. I mean, I want to be a part of every department when I’m on set. I want to understand the schedule. I want to understand everything. I produced a TV show [Sorry for Your Loss] that didn’t get too much light of day because it was on Facebook, which, whatever … but as a producer on it, it was really important for me to be a voice of everything you’re saying, Cynthia, and have heads of departments feel like and look like the freakin’ world. And just from having a taste of that for two seasons, I can’t [go back]. So when I go to do Dr. Strange 2 in England, I guess I use it when I just can’t shake it even though [the production is] so much bigger than me. I don’t know, my opinions are vast and everyone hears them, from the first AD to the EP. I think I’m like a representative of anyone having a hard time on set. … (Laughs.)

PAULSON You’re the Equity rep, I love it.

OLSEN Oh my God. (Laughter.)

When you think about your careers, is there someone else’s that you look at and go, “Ooh, yeah, I’d love that”?

OLSEN Gillian’s, Sarah’s …

ERIVO Yeah, Sarah, you’re that for me. You’re fucking incredible.

PAULSON You saying that to me makes me want to cry because sometimes you feel like you’re doing this in a bubble and you don’t even know if anything you’re doing ever has any meaning or impact to anyone.

ERIVO It does. From my heart, it does. And I hope I get to work with you one day.

PAULSON I’d give my eyeteeth. (Laughs.) For me, it’s Gillian — somebody being on a TV program for a long time that’s wildly successful and then retreats to another country to be onstage, to reconnect yourself to the very things that inspired you and made you want to be a part of this. It all gets very confusing in terms of how to navigate [this business]because you do want to make a living, but you also want to follow your heart. And there does come a time where you can become quite depleted from the constant output without any input. And if you’re a woman of a certain age, which I certainly am, I feel like I’ve got one foot on one window frame and I’ve got the other one over here and I’m just trying to insist that they stay open for as long as possible. And some of that is beyond my control, but when I look at Gillian’s career I just go, “Well, I want that.”

ANDERSON Thank you for saying that. On the one hand, I feel like there is some degree of design, but I’ve also never really gone after things. And when I finished with X-Files, I didn’t know if I wanted to be on a set again ever. So aside from having grown up in the U.K. and wanting to go back, I knew it would take time before I could, if I was going to. And in London, you could move between theater and TV, and that was always my dream. But every actor has the thing that they’d want more than the thing that they have, and I’m a cinephile, and so I [wonder], “Why do I keep doing TV? All I want to do is do film.” And I’m still doing TV. (Laughs.) But I’ve had such amazing opportunities that, coming from Scully, I even questioned people, like, “Why are you offering this to me? What makes you think that I can do this?” I’ll also say that as soon as you have kids, kids are the priority. So, I say to people, “I’m gonna be such a pain in the ass for you to hire. But if you think I’m this person, I’m gonna need to work during this period of time and then have time with my kids. And it’s going to be expensive for you. If you are willing to do that, then I’m your girl, and if you’re not, you need to find somebody else.”

Anya, Queen’s Gambit became a global juggernaut. How have your opportunities and choices changed? Is there pressure to strike while the iron is hot?

TAYLOR-JOY I think I’ve always followed character and only recently did I start following directors as well, but it’s always been about, “Do I feel like I’m the right person to tell this story? Do I think I can tell this story correctly?” And if you look at something like Queen’s Gambit, it was not supposed to be the white-hot show; it’s a show about a girl that plays chess for seven hours, but I felt so compelled to tell that story. So, it sounds cheesy, but I really just keep following my heart. OK, wait, I take that back. Something I’m also learning is that you give yourself to this person for three to six months, and I never used to think about this before, but now I start thinking, “Am I ready to give up my life for this person? Do I need to tell this story so badly that I’m going to do that?” I try not to think about what other people will think, because it’s your life at the end of the day. And as we all know, you’re that [character] every hour of the day, and when you go home it’s difficult to let go of them, so you have to really love them.

Mj, you’ve talked about how significant this show was for you and for the visibility of the trans community. How have the opportunities being presented to you post-Pose changed?

RODRIGUEZ In the middle of the third season, I started figuring out my worth, and it’s scary. I was nervous. I didn’t expect to actually book my next job after Pose.

ERIVO I did.

PAULSON We all did.

RODRIGUEZ And see, that’s my insecurity and that’s something I have to fix. I didn’t think it was possible. To get an opportunity like Pose and have myself centered in the story and to end it with hope, and then to get another opportunity with an iconic actress [an Apple TV+ comedy co-starring Maya Rudolph] was surreal. But if I’m still feeling the need for protection as far as my Blackness, my Latina-ness and my trans-ness go, that means there is more work to be done.

Are there doors still not open to the rest of you? Parts you’d love to play if only Hollywood would see you that way?

PAULSON No one has asked me to do a comedy, and I’m a little frustrated about that.

ERIVO And you’re funny as fuck.

PAULSON I spend a lot of time in these worlds where I’m either running or crying or screaming or playing a real person and trying to get their physicality, and I’d really like to do a nice road picture with me and a couple of chicks.

ANDERSON Ooh, I’ll go with you!

PAULSON How about all of us just in a road movie — like, get a Winnebago and let’s go?

ERIVO I’m down.

RODRIGUEZ Yeah, count me in.

ANDERSON I’m 53, Sarah, and I’ve really only been offered comedy in the last three years of my life, and I don’t think that’s because I’m any funnier than I used to be. I think a lot of it is that people just couldn’t fathom it, whether it was that Scully was still in their minds or it was someone else, because I’ve played a lot of dark characters, too. And so they just weren’t coming. And then came [Netflix comedy] Sex Education — and I passed when it first came to me because I didn’t think it was right. It was my partner who proverbially dug it out of the trash.

ERIVO I’ve yet to see a Call Me by Your Name for a Black woman, I have yet to see a piece that allows a woman of color to be sensual and soft and loving and be loved. I’ve just not seen it, and I desperately want to experience that, just because I want to be able to be in that space of vulnerability and lilt. I really want to do that. And that hasn’t come my way. A comedy hasn’t come my way either.

RODRIGUEZ Same. It’s been so hard when it comes to trans women being loved in a sensual way, and I’d love to do something like that.

Elizabeth and Anya, to Sarah’s point, Hollywood likes to keep actors in a lane. How have you avoided that kind of pigeonholing in your careers to date?

TAYLOR-JOY I’ve been saved from a lot of things in my life from pure innocence and naivete, genuinely. My first movie was called The Witch, I got a script immediately afterward that was about, you guessed it, a witch, and I figured, “Wow, why do they want to see me do this again?” So, I was immediately like, “Can I not do anymore witch movies, please?” And my agent was like, “OK. Sure, whatever you say.” I wonder how many people agree with me here because I certainly want to please, but in order to please, I don’t have to give up myself, and actually it’s more important to please myself than it is to please anybody else. I’m giving my heart, my body, my soul, everything to this character, I’m not going to do something because somebody wants me to do it. That doesn’t make any sense and, also, it makes me miserable and then I can’t do my best work. And so if I feel the opportunities that are being given to me aren’t the right ones, then I have to stick my neck out and go, “Hey, I think I could maybe do this, if you’ll give me the opportunity to try.”

How about you, Elizabeth?

OLSEN [In the beginning,] I was just trying so hard to not be put in a box that that’s what was guiding my choices. I knew that I didn’t want to be an actor who was thought of as “youthful and beautiful” and whatever that attachment people like to put onto young women, and so I did everything in my power not [to be seen as] that. But I didn’t have my own pillars of why I wanted to do things beyond just the character. That started to solidify only in the last five years. So I made a lot of odd decisions [after theater school at NYU] because I didn’t know enough about film and the machine of it. Right, Sarah? You were there for that time. We were in Martha Marcy May Marlene, and I remember someone asked me, “You had Sarah Paulson with you, didn’t you know it could be a film people saw?” And I was like …

PAULSON You were like, “Who the fuck is Sarah Paulson?” (Laughter.)

OLSEN No, but independent cinema to me was just, like, going to Quad Cinema in New York and seeing a movie. The theater world is all I understood. So I feel like a moron for going back to theater only once in 10 years. And this conversation with Gillian right now is inspiring.

In light of Elizabeth’s concern about the trap of being perceived as “youthful and beautiful,” how would you all complete this sentence: I wish our male counterparts also had to …

OLSEN Deal with lighting and hair and makeup before doing press. I don’t know what I’m doing.

ERIVO Deal with people believing that you’ve lost your sexuality after the age of 30.

TAYLOR-JOY Had an understanding of what it was like to walk into a room and sometimes have to enforce yourself for people to take you seriously. That ability to just walk into a room and go, “I am valid, I own my space and everybody respects me” — it would be good if they knew what it was like to not have that.

ERIVO And on the flip side, to not have to deal with walking into the room and trying to make sure people aren’t scared of you when you get there.

What do you all know now that you wish you could have told yourself at the beginning of your career?

PAULSON I would like to have told myself that I didn’t need to excise myself from the experience. I was very focused on looking at other actors who had careers that I admired when I was first starting out and wondering what it was about them that made it possible for them to be chosen or employed and I’d often try, in an audition or a social setting, to mimic what I imagined was the desired effect, taking me out of the scenario. And there’s this beautiful Martha Graham-to-Agnes de Mille letter that I used to keep in a dressing room any time I was doing a play, about how there is only one you in all of time and space and that what you see and how you experience things is unique to you. And if you block it, the world will not have it. And as a young person, I thought, “Mute me, mute my opinions, my thoughts, my assessments and try to fill it with other things,” and now I think it’s the exact opposite, so I wish I had known that earlier. But I’ll take knowing it now [over] never knowing it at all.

RODRIGUEZ I would have told my younger self that my existence is worth it. When I was younger, I tried to fit into this mold of what a woman should do — you know, keep your legs crossed, always bow down to a man. But we don’t have to live in that world anymore. It’s a new day.

It is, and that’s a good place to end. Thank you all for sharing your time and your stories.

ERIVO I know we’re supposed to finish, but do you know what’s occurred to me as I’ve listened to every one of you? I remember where I was when I watched every single one of you — and I remember what I was dealing with or going through. I was watching you, Sarah, when I was shooting Aretha. I was watching you, Elizabeth, when I was in London on my own, and you, Anya, when I was in Atlanta. Mj, I remember watching a season of Pose while I was shooting The Outsider. And Gillian, I watched you when I was in a hotel with my partner outside of London. And I remember what happened. And so your performances aren’t just brilliant, your performances get to be Post-its in all of our lives, and so I thank you for that.

PAULSON That’s a very beautiful way to put it …

ANDERSON It also brings us back full circle to what Anya said at the beginning, which is, “Oh my God, I have to keep reminding myself that people are going to watch this.” But actually, thank God that people are watching it, because we’ve touched each other’s lives and numerous other people’s lives just by focusing on the thing that we love most.

TAYLOR-JOY And the importance of these conversations is the honesty, because it’s very easy for us to get locked into our own heads of this as an individual experience — “There’s something wrong with me,” or “Everybody else is doing really great and nobody else grieves their characters,” or whatever your version of that is in whatever industry you’re in. But having honest conversations with people who are willing to be vulnerable just makes me feel so much less alone.

PAULSON The next time you feel that way, text me. I’ll remind you. I’d also like to say that there’s this [perception] of women being pitted against one another and not being there for one another, and this conversation is diametrically opposed, in that what we are actually saying is that each of us has been buoyed by and inspired by the work of everyone here. So, I may not watch anything I do, but I sure as hell am watching all of you.

Press: “It’s a New Day”: THR Drama Actress Roundtable was originally published on Elizabeth Olsen Source • Your source for everything Elizabeth Olsen

#Elizabeth Olsen #WandaVision #Avengers #Scarlet Witch #Wanda Maximoff #Sorry For Your Loss #Avengers Infinity War #Avengers Age of Ultron #Captain America Civil War #Ingrid Goes West #Godzilla

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duchessfics · 4 years

Text

Business and Pleasure Part 5

(https://alainashuffman.tumblr.com/post/66522632737/sarah-paulson-in-piggy-piggy)

Billie x Fem!Reader

Warning(s): NSFW, D/s Dynamics, Semi-Public Sex, Fingering, Some Language, Praise Kink

Summary: It’s finally the day you and Billie fly to New York City. But you’ve got a full day of work to do beforehand. So inevitably you find yourself once more trying to work out how your relationship interchanges between work and personal. And you get a good time with Billie out of it too.

Word Count: 8805

A/n: Here it is! Part 5! 🙂 I hope ya’ll enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Part 4, Business and Pleasure Masterlist

A self-made breeze brushes against your face as you rush through the Buzzfeed filming studio and dodge between different people and objects with Billie’s usual Starbucks iced coffee and McDonald’s sausage biscuit concealed in a Starbucks bag. While you intended to get here earlier, packing for your trip last night took longer than you thought. As a result, you stayed up far too late and when your alarm went off this morning the thought of a couple more minutes of sleep was too compelling. But when you hit snooze you overestimated how fast you could get ready and ended up practically running out the door. Luckily the studio is smaller than yesterday’s and you find Billie within minutes.

The glamorous blonde is perched at a makeshift makeup and hair station and you can tell she sees you because her face lights up in recognition and she gives you a smile before purring, “Good morning, sunshine.”

The warmth of her greeting compels your cheeks to warm up also and you return a small smile, shyly replying, “Good morning. Sorry for getting here so late, but I got your usual.”

Her smile widens as you give her the items and after she looks in the bag to confirm it really is the sausage biscuit, her mouth waters at the sight and she looks to you once again while moaning, “Oh sweetheart, I could kiss you right now. This looks so amazing.”

Your eyes widen and you feel the hairs on the back of your neck rise in awareness as your whole body warms at her choice of words. But you attempt to brush past the comment like anyone else would and lightly clear your throat to conceal the silence before you stutter, “I-I’m glad you like it. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Immediately you close your eyes regretting how you phrased that as ‘anything.’ And sure enough you open them up to see her shit-eating grin as she teases, “Do you really mean anything? Because I can always think of something I need.”

Do not spur her on. Think of a neutral reply. Anything.

Trying to maintain eye contact feels like trying to climb a mountain and any resilience left is used to keep your voice neutral when you slowly reply, “Anything in terms of filming. My employment services only go so far.” Billie’s eyebrows raise in mock surprise at your words, but she keeps that smug look on her face when she murmurs, “Of course I was speaking about filming…but it almost sounded like you have a little crush on me, y/n.”

If there is a time for the ground to open up and swallow you whole it’s now.

Your eyes widen at her forwardness and your whole body burns to the point of breaking into a nervous sweat while you shake your head and stutter, “N-no, Miss Howard. I didn’t—I-I never meant to—”

But she shushes your squeaky, incoherent plea and chuckles as she soothes, “I’m only kidding, darling.” I just wanted to see how you would react.” Fiery adrenaline that somehow simultaneously feels like icy shards shoots through your veins and you must look shocked because even the artist doing Billie’s makeup giggles and tells her, “I think you got her pretty good.”

If you two were alone, you would totally scold her for taunting you like that. But right now, she’s your boss. So you meekly nod and reply, “Oh. Well—um, do you need anything else before filming?” The medium gives you a knowing smile and wink before answering, “Not at the moment. But I appreciate the offer.” So you take her trash from breakfast and throw it out while she finishes with hair and makeup.

For today her manager lined up a gig with Buzzfeed LA where they will film Billie answering questions from twitter about being a medium. And in the process she’ll also promote her own show. After getting Billie placed, the crew makes last minute adjustments, and someone brings over a glass bowl with slips of paper that have questions on them. They set it on a wooden stool that is tall enough for her to draw from while standing, but it doesn’t get in the way of their filming shot. Today the blonde is dressed a little more on the casual side but still looks elegant, wearing glossy black heels, high waisted, freshly pressed black palazzo pants, and a silk, dusty rose button up blouse that is stylishly tucked into her trousers to flatter her hourglass figure. And, to your delight, she also has her notorious string of pearls on with earring studs to match.

Today you’re closer to Billie when she films so she can actually see you. But you stay back to keep out of the crew’s way, and she can stay focused. Once they call out action, the blonde looks to the camera and puts on her perfect smile before speaking in her smooth as honey voice,

“I’m Billie Dean Howard, medium to the stars, and today I will be answering some questions from twitter about what it actually means to be a medium.”

Then they cut and the director looks over the footage. And in that one minute, Billie is able to look away from the camera and flash a small smile just for you. The special attention from her is undeniably flattering and before you are conscious of it, you give her a small smile back before she’s called to attention once more.

At 12:30 pm they decide to break for lunch. When Billie begins to walk in your direction some of the Buzzfeed staff call out and ask her to join them for lunch. At first, she glances at you as if silently asking for permission. The questioning look confuses you since she is your boss, but you give her a reassuring smile and say, “I’ll get you a plate.”

The medium smiles back and murmurs quiet enough for only you to hear, “You’re such a dear to me, sweetheart.” Her soft praise makes your cheeks heat up and you give a small nod of acknowledgement before stepping away from her over to the lunch spread.

After gathering a small selection and making sure there is enough protein and nutrients to sustain your employer for the afternoon, you walk over and set down the plate, silverware, and cup full of water on the table. Everyone else keeps partaking in their lunchtime conversations however Billie pauses to look up at you from her seat and murmurs, “Thank you, y/n.” And once again, she shows you her genuine expression beneath the usually smooth exterior.

The thought that she is willing to even give you a glimpse of that side of her makes your insides flutter and you grin at seeing that special part of her again while replying, “You’re welcome.” But the intimate moment is broken by someone saying Billie’s name to speak with her.

So you back up from the group and grab a small lunch for yourself, sitting off in a side area as you work on your phone, emailing and calling different people to confirm Billie’s schedule in New York City in between bites.

Because they all started eating before you did, you still eat when they resume filming and listen to Billie continue to show her wit and sassiness with each answer. And by the time Buzzfeed wraps for the day, you’ve called Jared to make dinner and made sure housekeeping has her luggage all set up to head out the door.

As you end the phone call, Billie sneaks up behind you and murmurs in your ear, “Let me ride home with you.” You gasp, whipping around to face her. And at the same time, you check to see if anyone else is close enough to hear, but there’s no one around.

So you meet the medium’s gaze and whisper, “I-I don’t know. Maybe we shouldn’t.” She chuckles and leans in before whispering with a wink, “I won’t tell if you don’t.”

There is no way you can think rationally while keeping eye contact with her.

Your eyes look down to your well-worn, scuffed up work shoes and your teeth worry your lower lip in thought, drawing Billie’s attention.

“Come on,” Billie playfully pouts, prompting you to lift your eyes enough to take in her glossy lips when she continues, “Live on the edge a little, sweetheart. I’ll make it worth your time.” Her low, husky voice that somehow remains honey-like melts your last shred of resolve and you hesitantly relent, “Ok…you can ride with me.” The medium smiles and when you meet her eyes again, her pupils are dilated in lust.

Without thinking she leans in closer to you almost like she’s going to kiss you. But you can’t go that far in public. Before you can even say anything, a look of recognition crosses her face and she backs away, venturing to look around and fading back into her casual demeanor prior to asking, “Shall we?”

By now your breath is caught in your throat and your eyes are misty in a mixture of shock, arousal, and shame at your conduct. But you avert your gaze and clear your throat to conceal the turbulent thoughts whirling around in your head and rasp, “Yep.” before leading Billie to your car.

The car ride to Billie’s house is relatively quiet, save for the couple words exchanged between the 2 of you and the radio softly playing in the background. But the silence is nice after being in a bustling studio without any real quiet moments in addition to what transpired before you left. As usual you drive with one hand on the wheel while leaning the other arm on the central console and because you’re focused on the road, you miss Billie taking small glances at you, noticing how your fingers tap to the beat of the music.

Today she is the one who desires to hold your hand that seems so close to her own. But unlike you in the car ride home yesterday, she initiates action and smoothly takes your hand, intertwining her warm fingers with yours. While your eyes remain on the road, your body automatically opens to her touch. However, you’re still a little shaken up by the whole—almost kiss in public—situation, so you stay quiet.

Billie notices your silence but assumes it’s from the long day of work. To break the stillness she gives your hand a light squeeze while commenting, “Your hands are freezing, sweetheart. Are you cold?” You smile at her observation, but keep your eyes on the road and reply, “My hands are pretty much always cold. But I’m alright.”

Your employer lets out a hum of understanding, however she silently brings her other hand up to sandwich your cool one between her two warm ones. The heat of her touch does help to melt away some of the insecurity from earlier.

After a couple more minutes of not speaking, Billie softly admits, “I missed sharing lunch with you today, y/n.” Immediately flames of doubt burn at the knots of anxiety in your stomach and you can’t help but ask, “Really?” You even give her a quick side glance to see she looks down at her hands that cradle your one hand.

However you look back to the road and don’t see her face when she lifts her head to look at your profile and honestly answers, “Y/n, I always enjoy spending time together.”

You know you should walk away from this whole thing and make it clear you aren’t just some person to use. But there’s that genuine, heartfelt voice again and you find yourself quietly admitting, “I-I enjoy it too.” Both of you go quiet again, but it’s a more comfortable silence and as she delicately caresses your hand your uncertainty ebbs away once more.

After you pull into her driveway and park your car, you finally look to Billie and she says with a smile, “Thank you, sweetheart.” Your core warms at her words and you softly reply, “You’re welcome.”

Now you squeeze her hand like she did with you earlier. The action prompts the blonde to look at you with an even bigger smile and you smile back at her, glad to be alone. However, you both know you’re short on time. So she brings your now warm hand to her lips and presses a kiss to the top of your knuckles before releasing it.

You reluctantly take your hand back and tell her, “Jared should have dinner ready, but I’ll have him keep it warm while you change into something more comfortable.” Billie nods in understanding before murmuring, “You’re the absolute best, y/n.” Her compliment prevents reality from completely crushing the moment and you find your cheeks feel tight from smiling so wide, but you avert your eyes and try to reply in a demure tone, “Thank you.”

Then the medium surprises you when she brings a hand up to cup your cheek. The intimate touch prompts your eyes to flick up and when you meet hers, her thumb brushes against your cheekbone. “You’re more than welcome, sweetheart.” Billie purrs with a smirk.

You both step out of your car and walk into her grand home. Then she ascends the elaborate staircase to go to her bedroom. You can’t help but watch her hips sway as she goes. She must realize you continue to watch her walk up to the second floor because before she disappears from your sight, she looks back to flash one more smile. After she’s gone you shake your head to clear your thoughts and go to make sure all of her luggage is loaded into the car she’s taking to the airport before placing your own luggage in and going to her chef to tell him she’s ready to eat.

After you’ve spoken with Jared you sit at the breakfast nook and a short time later, Billie meanders in, warmly greeting him. The medium now wears charcoal gray tapered sweatpants, an oversized, mauve-colored sweatshirt, and her black ugg moccasin slippers that always look so cozy and warm. But you can’t justify paying so much for shoes when your paycheck mainly goes to paying for rent. You don’t see her in lounge clothes often, but even in these clothes without any makeup on, Billie manages to maintain a distinct elegance that is both attractive and admirable.

Jared says hello back and dishes up her dinner while explaining what the meal consists of. The blonde carefully listens; however she can’t help but smirk when she notices you looking her over out of the corner of her eye. Once he has the meal on two plates and finishes his description, Billie thanks him before taking both plates and bringing them over to the breakfast nook where you sit to eat the meal. Then her chef begins to wash dishes like last night while you both eat.

Because he no longer looks on, Billie leans closer to you and purrs in your ear, “I noticed you checking me out. Do you like what you see, sweetheart?”

Of course she spotted you checking her out.

Your cheeks flush in embarrassment and you can’t help but duck your head a little as you squeak, “Yes.” Her low chuckle fills your ears and you feel her hand sneak around your waist low enough that it can’t be seen by the cook if he turns around and looks back at you both. Rather than pulling you close to her like last night, she merely uses the contact to maintain her intimate presence while murmuring, “Oh I am going to thoroughly enjoy our little trip to New York City.”

‘Our trip?!’ This isn’t your trip. Yes, you’re going…but it’s to serve Billie.

Her choice of words draws you to your senses and you turn to face her, inches from her lips when you whisper, “You’re gonna have interviews and pr for your tv show—”

But she cuts you off by assuring you, “Oh I’ll find time for you, honey.” Her eyes focus on your lips when she speaks, and you find yourself partly terrified and partly desperate for her to kiss you. However, the loud clanging of dishes in the sink snaps you out of your daze. Immediately you stiffen up and whip your head down to look at your plate.

The blonde is more subtle but makes a similar action. Even though she no longer looks at you, her arm remains around your waist as you both eat on the bench you christened just last night. After finishing your meal, you check to make sure Billie has everything she needs before heading out to the car and riding to the airport.

When you get to Los Angeles International Airport, the driver helps both of you unload your things and you and Billie walk in. Once you check in your suitcases so all you have to carry is your purses, walking around is much easier. Inevitably some paparazzi see Billie and come up to take pictures or ask questions. However a security person keeps them back by escorting you to the VIP lounge and the medium just puts on her sunglasses to dim the flash of the cameras.

The only reason you are even allowed to look into the inside of this lounge is because of Billie. You are all too familiar with the crowded, less than comfortable airport environment with harsh fluorescent lights and suspicious smells. But this exclusive waiting lounge it’s a completely different experience. There’s no one else around at the moment, every single seat is a leather recliner like the ones in fancy movie theaters with corresponding cup holders and charging outlets. Even the lighting is dimmed and orange based rather than blue so it’s less jarring. And all of the food and drinks are complimentary so you can basically order whatever you would like and someone will bring it to you. Basically this lounge takes the stress out of traveling and if you had the money to pay for a membership like Billie does, you would too.

Billie struts in first and a server immediately scurries up while inquiring, “Good evening, Miss Howard. Do you need anything at the moment? Can I interest you in something to eat or drink?” Your employer lets the straps of her purse slide down from the top of her shoulder to the bend of her elbow and removes her sunglasses as she replies, “I’ll take…a coke with lime slices, extra ice, and whatever she wants.”

The addition to her order makes your eyes widen and even the server’s brows furrow at you being acknowledged to order. Meanwhile Billie looks down to her purse while rummaging around for something. So you look to the server and clear your throat, but still sound hoarse when you stutter out, “Um…I-I’ll just take a water please.” The staff member gives you a cursory smile before replying, “I’ll be right back with those.” And they speed off.

Your gaze turns in Billie’s direction when she exclaims, “There it is!” Then she pulls out her lip balm and you watch her apply the deluxe chapstick to her lips. And as she does, she playfully wiggles her eyebrows and teases, “Gotta make sure my lips are still kissable.” Automatically, you scan the room for witnesses, but it is empty. And the medium just chuckles and muses, “Always so shy, y/n.” You look back to see her smirking as her eyes slowly trail over you.

“Here are your drinks. If you need anything else, please tell me.” The unexpected voice of the server behind you causes you to jump out of your skin making Billie grin as she takes both glasses and looks to the staff member before smoothly replying, “We will. Thank you, honey.”

At the moment your stress levels are off the charts. If your heart was beating any faster, it would fly right out of your chest. When the staff member walks away, you let out the shuddering breath you inhaled and the medium says with a smirk, “Shall we?” You’re still too flustered to speak so you simply nod and follow her to some of the more secluded leather seats.

Billie lets you sit first and once you’re seated, she holds out your water while murmuring, “Here you go, sweetheart.” You take the cup with a meek thank you and make yourself drink a generous sip as your heart rate slows and Billie’s eyes feel like embers on your face while she closely observes every move you make.

After the liberal sip, you set your cup down in the holder and look to your employer. She gives you a devious smile and asks with a raised eyebrow, “Comfortable?”

How could you not be? You don’t need to rush off anywhere and you have a gorgeous woman by your side who seems to enjoy your company as much as you do hers.

Her eyes continue to rove over you to the point that it feels like you lay bare before her and you find her cheeks warming as you reply, “Y-yes. Are you?” You see her beautiful smile expand. “Almost,” Billie begins before reaching out to take your hand and intertwine her fingers with yours. Her petite hand gently squeezes yours with her deep inhale and when she exhales, her grip relaxes and she lets her head rest back against the head cushion and sighs, “Perfect.”

The medium’s hand feels so soft and supple from the luxury hand cream she uses religiously and find yourself once again looking down at her neatly trimmed, light pink nails.

There’s no way you’re just a one-night stand deal. Not with how she is acting towards you. Of course you’ve never had sex with an A-list celebrity, but you know the start of a relationship when you see one. This isn’t your first rodeo. Should you pull your hand away from your boss’s? Probably. But are you really going to withdraw from her warm and gentle embrace? Not at the moment.

So you try to mimic Billie’s relaxed position and lean back against the plush seat.

Rather than trying to do anything else, you close your eyes, allowing yourself to just relish in the blonde’s touch. Billie looks over to see your eyes flutter shut similar to when you’re about to orgasm from her touch. The way you so easily relax into her hold warms Billie’s insides in both lust and endearment. But she also understands you have a life beyond serving hers and doesn’t want you to feel held back. So she gratefully takes any affection you offer, but manages her expectations. You’re young. Someday you’ll find someone to settle down with and they’ll be lucky to have you.

Even though your eyes are closed, you sense Billie watching you as her thumb strokes small circles over your knuckles. You give her hand a small squeeze and open one of your eyes to peek at the blonde. The cat-like action makes her chuckle and murmur, “I don’t know how you can look so cute all of the time.” That compliment makes you open both of your eyes and look behind yourself as if checking to see if someone is behind you before looking back to her and coyly replying, “Who? You mean me?” Her eyes narrow at the self-deprecation and she playfully admonishes, “‘Do I mean you?’ Of course I mean you, darling. You’re always cute as a button. And I will continue to remind you of that until you believe it yourself.”

Billie thinks you’re cute as a button.

Her promise of repetition captures your attention and you bite your lip before softly replying, “You always look beautiful too, Billie.” So beautiful. But the moment is interrupted by a couple people walking into the lounge. Shit.

You move to jerk your hand away to your own lap, but Billie gently shushes you and soothes as they order food and drinks, “They won’t notice, sweetheart.” But your anxiety keeps you stiff and worrying your lower lip between your teeth while you watch the strangers. So she leans in closer and murmurs, “Hey.” Her unusually soft voice gets your attention and you look to her warm, chocolate brown eyes.

The concern etched on her features takes you back to the time you were sure she was going to fire you after having sex on her kitchen counter. God that feels like a lifetime ago. You can tell she must sense you’re nervous, however, like before her demeanor remains calm when she soothes, “It’ll be alright, darling. And if they do say something, I’ll take care of it. Ok?” While your instincts tell you to pull back, her genuine expression of concern wins out and you force yourself to relax a little as you nod and respond, “Ok.”

In the end, the people who entered sit in chairs on the other side of the lounge and can’t even see your hands. So there’s nothing to worry about—as usual. Once they’re settled and talking amongst themselves, the medium gives you a wink with a reassuring smile and you let out the breath that was caught in your throat because of the strangers, but also your own issues.

You know that you have problems with trusting others and it’s led to a couple of your past romantic partners walking away in frustration and bewilderment. But Billie doesn’t seem to get upset and that’s a huge relief in itself. So you slowly lean back against the chair as you were. In response Billie gives your hand a small, reassuring squeeze while murmuring, “Good girl, y/n.” And of course, her words of affirmation make you feel much, much better.

Now that you’re both resettled, you fish the book you brought to read while traveling and ask the blonde, “Would it bother you if I read a little bit?” The timid question in your meek, little voice prompts her to chuckle and reply in an amused tone, “It wouldn’t bother me at all, sweetheart.” You give her a smile and thank her in return, but before you can open the book, your phone lights up. So you pick it up and gasp when you see who messaged you. Their message is unexpected since you haven’t talked in months, but always welcome.

In her curiosity at your noise, Billie can’t help but sneak a glance over. However she just as quickly chastises herself for being nosy and picks up her own phone to occupy her wandering eyes. You both don’t speak to each other for the next hour, but the medium doesn’t miss your small laughs or smiles at whatever this mysterious person is sending. And to her own surprise, Billie feels the smallest twinge of jealousy and possessiveness over you and your shared relationship. However you’re not exclusively with her so what can she expect?

Before boarding the plane, you put your book away while asking, “Do you mind keeping an eye on my things while I run to the restroom?” Billie shows off her trademark smile and replies, “It’s no problem, honey.” So you set your purse on your seat with your phone on top so it doesn’t get lost while saying, “Thank you, Billie. I’ll be back in a minute.” Then you make the short trek to the lounge restroom which, like everything else in this exclusive section, is considerably better than the public restrooms everyone else uses.

While you’re in there, Billie hears your phone vibrate and before she can stop herself, the medium sees it’s a message from someone whose contact name is Taylor. And the message itself says, I wish I could go there with you, but we can keep in touch over messaging. I’ll miss you. 💜 The words provoke her flame of jealousy and possession once more.

Did you lie to her about being with someone? You probably didn’t mention this person because you thought your job would be in jeopardy. Maybe she’s just been projecting her own feelings on this fling the whole time.

“Ready?” Your voice calls out, bringing Billie back to reality. Her fingers flick nervously in her desire to bite her nails, but she puts on a confident smile and smoothly replies, “Ready as I’ll ever be.” You grin at her response, but don’t miss the nervous tick of her fingers. Something seems…off. However you don’t have time to ask about it. So you pick up your purse and phone and both of you are escorted by security to get on your plane to New York City.

Of course Billie has a first class seat so you do as well and once again are amazed by the discrepancy between these spacious, luxurious seats compared to economy seating. There is an ample amount of space for you both, but you still elect to be close. And the moment you even mention feeling chilly, an attendant is there with a fresh cozy, microfiber blanket just for you that’s warmed from being stored in a heated cabinet. Billie watches you snuggle under the blanket and secretly slip your shoes off, so you only wear socks and you scoot a little closer to her, longing to get some of her radiating warmth. The subtle movement makes her smirk and purr, “Do you need some attention, sweetheart?”

You could always use some attention from Billie. And judging from that damn smirk on her face she knows it too.

Your eyes lower as you softly admit, “Maybe a little bit.” Then you venture to look up and see her smiling and opening herself up to you even more as she purrs in that intoxicatingly low voice, “Well, you have my full attention, darling.” Your heart flutters at her sweet as honey demeanor, but you can’t help but question, “Are you sure? I was just being dumb—”

However your boss presses one of her fingers to your lips, effectively silencing you, and assures, “Y/n, I don’t mind giving you my full attention. Don’t you give me your full attention most of the time?” Billie pulls her finger back enough for you to answer, “Well…yeah. But—”

“Ah,” Billie says, placing her finger on your lips again before continuing, “No buts. I can assure you that it is my pleasure to give you attention. Ok?” You hesitate for a moment, but nod and softly answer, “O-ok.” The answer seems to be sufficient for the blonde, so she withdraws her finger. Then she pulls back the arm divider so nothing is between you both and you scoot as close to her as you can with your seatbelt on to lean against her side, letting out a sigh as her familiar scent of jasmine and smoke envelops you. To any onlookers you only seem a little closer than usual, but nothing overly affectionate.

About that time, one of the flight attendants comes up and says, “Good evening, Miss Howard and Miss L/n. Can I get either of you anything to eat or drink?” Immediately you go to move away, but by now Billie has her arm wrapped around your waist under the blanket and keeps you close as she casually replies, “I’ll take a red wine and…” Then she trails off and both sets of eyes looks to you. So you squeak the first thing that comes to mind: “Ginger Ale—please.” The attendant gives you both a smile, missing your internal panic, and chirps, “Of course! I’ll be right back with those.” And walks away.

When you’re alone again, you look to Billie and ask, “Do you think she noticed?” The question prompts her to giggle and softly soothe, “No I don’t think she did.” Then she leans close to your ear and presses a small kiss before murmuring, “Let me take care of you, sweetheart. I promise I’ll keep you safe.” Her warm words do help and you can’t help but get upset at yourself for always worrying.

You really are constantly a buzzkill and can never seem to relax. Before long Billie will get tired of you being a worry wart and leave—

The medium saying your name draws you out of your vortex of anxiety-driven thoughts and you look over to see Billie watching you closely with furrowed brows. Her look of concern makes your cheeks warm in shame and you can’t keep eye contact as you mutter, “I’m sorry. It’s not you—it’s me.” Billie notices your faltering gaze and to her it makes no sense why you are always so hard on yourself. So she tries to encourage you by saying, “Y/n, this isn’t anyone’s fault. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

You venture to meet her eyes after her reassurance and it feels like her darkened, intuitive orbs can see straight to your soul as she observes, “You’re pretty hard on yourself aren’t you?”

Finally, someone sees how hard you try to fight off these feelings of anxiety. It’s not that’s you’re unaware.

Your eyes automatically get misty at her recognition of your struggle and you bite your lip, attempting to keep your emotions in check as your nod.

Of course it’s at that moment the flight attendant returns and gives you your requested beverages. Both of you politely thank her, but even she seems to pick up on the current mood and merely says, “We’re just about to take off, but if you need anything once we’re up in the air please don’t hesitate to ask.” Billie gives her trademark smile and replies for you both, “Thank you so much, sweetheart.”

When the attendant is gone, rather than trying to push the conversation further, the medium loosens her hold on you to take the remote synched with your personal tv. Then she hands it over to you and murmurs, “How about you pick out something for us to watch?” You’re thankful for not having divulge all of your emotions in this moment and carefully take the remote to flip through the choices until you find one of your favorite movies.

When you press select, Billie lets out a soft hum and muses, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen this before.” Those words make you gasp and you look at her while squeaking, “You haven’t—how have you not seen this? Now we have to watch this so you can see what you’ve been missing.” Your employer chuckles at your shock and horror, but leans closer to you while purring, “Enlighten me, sweetheart. I’m ready.” By then the cabin’s lights are off besides the strips to illuminate the walkway and a couple random personal headlamps on to read or write. But you’re basically shrouded in darkness with only the glow of the tv providing any direct source of light. And after watching the short video on safety, the movie begins.

Once you’re fully up in the air, Billie slides the partial door closed so you have a little more privacy and the moment the seatbelt light turns off, you both unbuckle your respective ones and you curl further into her side. In response the medium wraps both of her arms around your middle to keep you close, only shifting once and awhile to sip her wine. By now you have your legs tucked up underneath you and let yourself melt into her warm and welcoming side. The luscious notes of sweet vanilla with undertones of heat and ash bring you a sense of contentment only she can provide. You haven’t felt this blissed-out since this past Sunday night after she ‘allowed’ you to be the dominant one and held you close afterwards.

After the blonde takes her last sip of wine, instead of going to her previous position, she removes her arms from you, leaving you feeling exposed, and slips her hands out from under the blanket. The movement gets your attention and she holds her hands out in front of you both as she kisses the sensitive skin behind your ear and purrs, “You were right, darling. This pink does look lovely.” The sensation of her hot breath on your neck makes you shiver and slowly twist around to face her.

Once again, your lips nearly meet each other and you close the gap, leaning down to press a small, shy kiss on her lips. When you back up, she smiles and her dark eyes stay on yours as she returns a small kiss before lowly murmuring against your lips, “Oh come on, y/n. I know you can give me more than that.”

You smile and lean in to recapture her lips. While she does love the feeling of your lips on hers, the medium can’t help but notice you slightly tensing up after kissing longer than a couple moments. And she doesn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. Well…too uncomfortable. Fortunately, a splendid idea comes up in her head that should make you less tense. But she needs to draw out your own desire before making her move.

When Billie pulls back from your lips, your brows furrow.

You know she likes longer kisses than that. And her all too familiar, shit-eating grin is enough to know she’s up to something. With Billie—who knows what’s she has got up her sleeve.

However she makes no move except to sit back in her seat where she was and innocently say, “I apologize for interrupting your movie, darling.” Your eyes narrow as you look her over, but there’s no sign of mischief besides her little smirk. What does she have planned? You skeptically settle back in beside her and she wraps an arm around your waist to keep you close like before.

You continue to watch the movie and Billie doesn’t speak, however her teasing touch underneath the fluffy blanket definitely distracts you. In the beginning her thumb slowly strokes your side however as time goes on you feel her get bolder in her caresses and she ghosts her thumb over the outside of your breast. In fact a couple times she shifts a little closer and you’re sure she’ll brush over your nipple that’s already peaked in arousal. But then she barely skims past it. When you react by squirming and letting out the softest whimper of desire, the medium has the audacity to chuckle against your neck and rile you up even more

By the end credits, Billie has effectively aroused you to the point that you’ve gotten even closer to her and nearly gasp in need. Meanwhile your employer just laughs at your desperation and lowly inquires in your ear, “Have you heard of the mile-high club, sweetheart?” Oh, you know exactly what her plan is now. This is a legitimate thing? You’re about to find out. You look to her face with wide eyes of both fear and anticipation and whisper, “Y-yes.” Of course, that just eggs Billie on and she purrs with a smirk, “As a member myself it is my pleasure to induct you into this exclusive group.”

Your lust-filled eyes focus on Billie’s darkened one’s and she has a wicked grin as she taunts with raised brows, “You mean you’re not going to tell me this is wrong or that it’s too risky?”

At this point Billie has worn your resistance down to the point that if she slammed you back against the wall and fucked you, you wouldn’t say no—consequences be damned.

However the comment does bring you back to a sliver of reality and you hesitantly reply, “Y-you won’t get us in trouble…right?”

Your soft, timid question fuels Billie’s fire and she watches you with hooded eyes as she answers in an overly innocent voice, “That’s entirely up to you, sweetheart. The louder you get, the more likely it is that someone will come over here to check on you.” Automatically, you listen to see how loud the plane is, and the only constant noise is the low hum of the engine with variable sounds from the TV and a few conversations around you. But there really isn’t that much to conceal your noises.

But surely Billie wouldn’t try this if she didn’t think it was possible—right? You can do this. And even if you can’t—your desire is strong enough to cloud your judgement.

So you give her a firm nod and say, “Ok.”

By now another movie is starting so she leans in and purrs, “How about we watch another movie, hmm?” Whatever the movie is, it’ll provide more sound coverage and you’ll take all you can get. Rather than voicing your agreement, you go back to sitting like you were and relax into the medium’s soft and warm embrace. Meanwhile, she leans in close to your ear and kisses the sensitive flesh right behind it. And as she does you feel one of her hands under the blanket move from around your waist to the front of you. Then she cups your clothed mound in a possessive manner with her hand, making you gasp and watch her hand move under the blanket. However, your attention returns to her words as she purrs, “Keep watching the movie, darling. We don’t want you to look suspicious, do we?”

Her low, commanding voice leaves your mouth feeling dry and you know that even just all of this toying around has your core dripping in arousal. But you pull yourself together enough to rasp, “No.” And there’s that low, seductive chuckle which has an angelic ring to it again. You listen to her instructions and slowly look back to the tv, but your whole body remains focused on the distinct feeling of Billie’s fingers undoing your pants while her lips lazily tease your earlobe. And when she slips her hand into your pants and under the waistband of your panties, your legs slightly spread of their own accord.

Then you feel her slender digits slide down to dip into your core. The soft touch makes you whimper, “Billie—”

But she softly shushes you before purring in your ear, “Oh, honey, you like all of this a lot more than you let on.” That’s when you feel how truly soaked your pussy is. There’s no way you can just ‘watch the movie.’ So, rather than looking to your lap where Billie’s fingers lazily spread your arousal, you turn to look at Billie’s face. She backs up a little to make eye contact and softly jests, “I’m starting to think you want to get caught.” Then her fingers find your already sensitive clit and you bite your lip to stifle your whimper.

If there is anything you don’t want to happen, it’s getting caught.

So when she starts to rub vicious circles on your pearl, your thighs clench up and you take short breaths to prevent yourself from moaning. And without intentionally planning it, your one hand reaches out under the blanket and clenches the top of Billie’s thigh to keep rooted.

Fortunately Billie’s fingers leave your clit and allow you to take a deep breath. But she’s not done with you yet. “Is that what you want, hm? You want the flight attendant to come over here and see how desperate you are to be fucked, sweetheart?” The medium whispers and eases a finger into your tight hole. You instinctively clench up at the intrusion, but she’s there for you, brushing the pad of her thumb against your neglected clit.

“Y/n…I asked you a question and expect an answer.” She murmurs in a soft, sing-song voice as her finger begins to slowly pump in and out of you. Your lip feels sore from biting on it so hard to keep quiet. But you release your lip from your teeth and whimper, “No.”

Billie leans a little closer and places a kiss on your nose while inserting another finger into you. “No?” She mockingly whispers as her digits fill you oh so perfectly. Your back arches as much as you can in the limited space and you lowly moan, “No.” The blonde chuckles at your state of being and you whimper her name, pleading for her to start going again without spelling it out. But she shushes you with a brief kiss and her free hand comes up to cup your cheek before she soothes, “I’ve got you, darling. I’ll take care of you.”

You look into Billie’s warm, chocolate colored eyes and the moment her fingers within you begin to speed up again, you gnaw on your tender lower lip to keep your sounds contained. However you capture the medium’s thigh in a steel grip and your teeth can’t completely silence your high-pitched noise of pleasure when she strokes that sensitive spot within your depths. The TV conceals some of your groan, but your noise is distinct enough to hear over it and you see the silhouette of the flight attendant right outside of your frosted glass door.

Shit, shit, shit.

Your whole body stiffens up as she passes by. Meanwhile Billie continues to fuck you with her fingers and makes a soft shushing sound right beside your ear. Fortunately the attendant doesn’t stop walking and you bury your face in the bend of your employer’s neck to muffle your moans as she continues to stroke that sensitive spot.

Billie grins at your state and tuts her tongue before reprimanding, “Don’t think you can get loud now. You just about got caught already.” But her words don’t register with you and you keep one hand on her thigh and bring the other up to cling at her shirt while whimpering, “I’m about to cum.” no longer caring to ask permission. The blonde notices and purrs, “Oh really?” You merely nod in response and feel your whole body warm as those intense pre-orgasm twitches flow through your body.

However her hand slows and Billie asks, “Aren’t you forgetting something, darling?” You nearly sob at the torture of being edged in this circumstance. But you settle for whispering in a voice thick with emotion, “Please let me cum. Please, I need it, Billie. Please.” By now you are just about in her lap and cling to her for dear life. The medium begins to speed up her movements once more and she whispers in your ear, “Go ahead and cum for me, sweetheart.”

You don’t know if it’s the public setting, the teasing beforehand, or the way Billie strokes your sweet spot, but you end up experiencing one of the strongest orgasms you have ever had. Thank god you are biting down on her shoulder to stay quiet and she holds you close with her available arm so that any sounds that escape are muffled.

Thankfully she doesn’t push you to another orgasm and lets you settle back down from your high as she takes her hand away from you to lick off all of your essence on her fingers. Once your breathing regulates, you realize that you still keep a vice grip on the blonde’s leg and sweatshirt. So you release your hold and briefly smooth her clothing out while clearing your throat. Then you resettle back into your own seat and let your head fall back against the head rest as you close your eyes and take a deep breath.

Holy shit you can’t believe that just happened.

That’s when Billie’s giggle fills your ears and she teases, “Congratulations. You, my dear, are now an official member of the mile-high club.” On one hand this all almost feels like a cosmic joke that the universe is playing on you after wanting Billie so long. But on the other if this isn’t reality and is some vivid dream you are not complaining at all. You can’t help but let out a breathless laugh at the absurdity of it all before replying, “How exciting.”

At this point you finally open your eyes to look at the blonde. Her mauve sweater still looks a little scrunched up from your hold. But besides that she radiates an aura of effortless perfection. You don’t know how she does it, but any time day or night you swear Billie has her hair perfectly set and her face even without any makeup looks glowing with a perfect sprinkling of freckles across her nose and cheeks. You can only dream to look that good.

As you stare, the medium’s luscious lips form into a smirk and she leans towards you. Her hand comes up to give your cheek a small pinch as she teases, “Take a picture. It’ll last longer.” It’s only then that you realize how long you’ve been gawking at her.

Pull yourself together.

You automatically look down and shake your head as you mutter, “Sorry.” However, Billie takes your chin between her thumb and pointer finger and guides you to look at her face. That’s when you see the blonde’s reassuring smile. “Hey, who said I didn’t want that? Sweetheart I am made for the cameras.” She soothes with a wink. You let out your higher-pitched, schoolgirl-esque giggle at her confidence and for the first time you aren’t embarrassed or ashamed by the noise.

For a moment you share eye contact and watch Billie’s eyes shift from her charismatic, fiery warmth to a softer brown that reminds you of the molasses cookies your mother makes for Christmas each year. Then she leans in and gives you a light kiss before whispering against your lips, “Without you being so close I’m getting a little chilly. Do you think you could help me out, sweetheart?” And to add onto her smooth as honey voice, the medium tilts her head so she looks up to you through her long lashes.

Billie Dean Howard is going to be the death of you. But hey—at least you’ll die happy.

You return a small, shy smile and scoot closer to her while answering, “I’ll try to help.” The blonde chuckles at your response and wraps both of her arms around you. When you’re snuggled back into her side the same way you were cuddled before while watching the movie, you partially nuzzle into Billie’s silky locks and she lets out a hum of pleasure and amusement before murmuring, “Oh sweetheart, you’re helping so much already.” The vibration of her voice helps to warm your entire body and you’re grateful you have another hour on the plane as you softly reply, “Good.”

By the time you walk up to the check in desk at your hotel, it’s just past 2 in the morning. Luckily since you’re used to Pacific Standard Time it only feels like 11:00pm. However, you have to wake up at 6:30 this morning which will feel like 3:30 in the morning to you.

3:30. You are going to need more than 2 cups of coffee to keep you going.

The luxurious, 5-star hotel lobby is empty except for a couple of staff members so checking in is a breeze. Then the hotel concierge hands Billie her room key before giving you one to your room and they ask with a pleasant smile, “Would you like any help bringing your luggage up to your room?” On your part, you only have one rolling suitcase as well as a small purse. Billie has a large suitcase and purse, so you look to her for direction.

She looks to them and gives her trademark smile as she murmurs, “I think we’re good. Thank you, sweetheart.” So they wish you a goodnight and you make the short walk to the elevators.

Once you’re inside one and ascending to the 27th floor, Billie asks, “Can I see your room key for a second?” Without thinking you reply, “Sure.” And hand it over. However you quickly recognize your error when she tosses it into her bag and says, “We won’t be needing that.” Your eyes widen at her action and for a moment you are stunned into silence. However you make yourself speak up and stutter, “Wait, Billie, that’s—that’s the key for my room.”

The medium chuckles at your words and teases, “Would it really be that bad to stay with me? I mean—I can look for it in my bag…or we can just share my room?”

That little minx! She isn’t wrong though. Sleeping with Billie for a couple nights? That is a dream come true.

So you let out a sigh and tiredly relent, “We—we can share your room.” She gets her Cheshire cat grin and as the elevator door opens, she purrs, “I promise I’ll make it worth your while.” You let her step out first and as she leads the way you can’t help but wonder what your boss has in store for you for the next couple days.

Tagged: @marilynroselleprentiss, @saviorinsilk, @chokemepaulson, @versonstar, @find-me-a-constellation, @cordwliagoode, @psychobitchtess, @midnight-lestrange, @mysweetdelia, @venablesbitch, @peachesandlesbians, @nerdaroo, @cordeliafoxxe, @leskaksel, @lovelymspaulson, @grilledcheeseandguavajelly, @whatabluddymess, @natasha-danvers, @saucy-sapphic, @marvelfansince08love, @wilheminawinters, @dontsblameme, @mssallymckenna

Let me know if you would like to be tagged in later works!

Part 6

#Business And Pleasure #AHS #ahs imagine #ahs fic #ahs fanfic #ahs billie dean howard #billie dean howard #billie x reader #billie dean howard imagine #billie dean howard x reader #ahs sarah paulson #sarah paulson #ahs sarah paulson’s characters #ahs murder house #AHS Murderhouse #ahs hotel #ahs apocalypse

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ahsnewsupdates · 4 years

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First look: Macaulay Culkin & Leslie Grossman on set!

American Horror Story co-creator Ryan Murphy just released an exclusive behind the scenes look at Macaulay Culkin and Leslie Grossman’s season ten characters!

@MrRPMurphy via Instagram:

Something wicked this way comes. American Horror Story Season Ten. #AHS10 #AHS

Both characters appear to come from completely different walks of life: series alum Leslie Grossman is dressed in a vintage-inspired wintery fur ensemble, while newcomer Macaulay Culkin provides direct contrast in a brown overcoat and shabby cardigan.

The photograph was taken on the beach yesterday (03/09) in Provincetown, Massachusetts, where filming for the currently untitled tenth season has been underway for the past couple of weeks. The cast and crew prepare to head back down to Los Angeles, California, on Friday to continue filming at FOX Studios.

Ryan Murphy teased to E! Online last May that Macaulay Culkin— who is known worldwide for his iconic role as Kevin McAllister in beloved Christmas classic Home Alone— would be filming “crazy, erotic” sex scenes with series alum Kathy Bates when the show returned to production, following its COVID-19 induced hiatus. Kathy Bates is since thought to have withdrawn from the cast, replaced by fellow alum Frances Conroy who is rumored to be playing the part written for Bates.

Last week, an FX on Hulu promotional spot gave us our first official glimpse at footage from the tenth season, with a split second shot of Frances Conroy’s new character appearing near the beginning:

American Horror Story season ten is likely to debut on FX in early September, although nothing official has been announced regarding a specific air date.

The star-studded cast consists of Sarah Paulson, Evan Peters, Lily Rabe, Finn Wittrock, Frances Conroy, Billie Lourd, Leslie Grossman, Adina Porter, Angelica Ross, Macaulay Culkin, Ryan Kiera Armstrong, Matt Bomer (rumored), Spencer Novich, and creature actor V Nixie.

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thecrownnet · 4 years

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As the reigning queen for Best TV Drama Actress at the Golden Globes, Olivia Colman now has an opportunity to win a rare second statue for the same role. Earning her second nomination this year as Queen Elizabeth II in “The Crown,” Colman would join Angela Lansbury (four-time winner for “Murder, She Wrote”), Edie Falco (two-time winner for “The Sopranos”), and Claire Danes (two-time winner for “Homeland”) as just the fourth actress to win a second statue in this category should she prevail.

In order to reach that milestone, she’ll have to best her costar Emma Corrin, new to the series this season as Princess Diana and a first-time Globe nominee, along with three other performers looking for a first win in their current roles. Jodie Comer (“Killing Eve”) is a two-time nominee in this field while Sarah Paulson (“Ratched”) is a one-time winner and Laura Linney (“Ozark”) is a two-time winner, both nominated for the first time as TV drama series leads. In this category, where the HFPA typically likes to reward performances they haven’t yet, it truly is a wide open race.

This is Colman’s second year as Queen Elizabeth II, a role she inherited from Claire Foy who won for the show’s first season in 2017. The fourth season, which Colman is currently nominated for, sees Elizabeth sharing the public stage for the first time with two other female British mega-icons, Margaret Thatcher (played by Gillian Anderson, in a Globes-nominated performance of her own) and Diana. Sharing that stage doesn’t come easy to a queen reaching the third decade of her reign, but Colman plays upon that tension with sensitivity.

When Colman won for the role last year she was one of four nominations for the series. This year she’s one of a staggering six. Her nomination, as well as the TV Drama nom for the series and a TV Supporting Actress bid for Helena Bonham Carter are all repeated from last year, while Corrin, Anderson and Josh O’Connor as Prince Charles join the party this time around. The last time a single television series had that many nominations was “Big Little Lies” in 2018 and it went home with four trophies.

Can Colman help lead “The Crown” to a similar feat this year, and earn herself a place among the greats like Lansbury? If not, perhaps she’ll fare better in the film race where she’s also nominated for Best Supporting Actress for her work in “The Father.” A win for either role would be her fourth (or fifth if she manages to win both), adding to her previous wins for “The Crown,” Best Film Comedy/Musical Actress for “The Favourite,” and Best TV Supporting Actress for “The Night Manager.” In fact, Colman has never lost when nominated. Needless to say, Colman is a favorite of HFPA voters and will enter the evening looking to join the record books, one way or another.

#olivia colman #gillian anderson #emma corrin #the crown #golden globes 2021 #the crown netflix

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365days365movies · 4 years

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February 16, 2021: Carol (2015) (Part 1)

...Harold...

Yeah, I had to do this one. Partially because I knew about this film previously, as it was kind of a smash hit when it came out in theaters. It was about as big of a deal as Blue is the Warmest Color, which...we might get there. But, yeah, Carol was already on my radar when I decided to dip into LGBT cinema.

But also...you can thank my girlfriend again. There she is (as she’s choosing to represent herself through GIF form) below.

We love The Owl House. Anyway, I wasn’t aware of the meme until we were watching a movie, and she just screamed “HAROLD THEY’RE LESBIANS!” And after doing some research on that statement...that’s goddamn hilarious. And it all started with Carol, so the writing’s basically on the wall there.

Here’s what I know. This movie stars Cate Blanchett...OK, that’s it! Shall we find out more firsthand? SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

In New York City, a man enters a bar and restaurant, where he sees an old acquaintance, Therese Belivet (Rooney Mara), who is having dinner with another woman, Carol Aird (Cate Blanchett). And, uh, lemme just say, we’re jumping off RIGHT away, and my girlfriend immediately starts screaming “HAROLD” at the screen.

Anyway, Jake invites her to a party with mutual friends, and Carol and Therese end their dinner date early. As Therese looks out of the window of a car on the way to the party, she thinks backwards through time, and takes us with her. FLASHBACK

Therese wakes up one morning around Christmastime, only to see her boyfriend, Richard Semco (Jake Lacy), ready to take her to work on a bicycle though Central Park. They talk about going to Paris on vacation, an idea about which Therese seems nonchalant. Therese works at Frankenberg’s, a department store that doesn’t exist. As is typical of the season in NYC, shoppers and their children flood the place. We went there on Christmas of 2019, and I grew up in the area. Trust me when I say Christmas in NYC is FUCKIN’ NUTS.

Therese works at the toy counter, and that’s when Carol arrives to get a doll for her daughter. Unfortunately, they’re out of the doll she’s looking for, so Therese offers a model train set to her instead, and the two hit it off basically immediately. And when I say hit it off, they HIT IT OFF. Like...the chemistry is IMMEDIATE. Maybe that’s Cate Blanchett’s pure charisma, but I’m just saying...they have the fastest chemistry establishment that I’ve seen yet.

But oh no! Carol’s forgotten her gloves! However, it doesn’t seem like much results from that, as the work day is soon over, and Therese and Richard go to a movie and a beer with friends Phil (Nik Pajic) and Danny McElroy (John Magaro). That night, having returned home, Therese looks at Carol’s gloves. Using information obtained during the department store visit, she mails the gloves to Carol, at her gorgeous mansion.

Carol is combing her daughter’s hair, as her husband Harge Aird (Kyle Chandler) arrives home with the mail. Things seem somewhat amiss, as Carol seems extremely unhappy. She later calls her at the department store to thank her for the gloves, and offers to buy her lunch that afternoon. She agrees, and the two head to a nice restaurant.

Over the course of the meal, it’s revealed that Carol and Harge are going through a divorce (yeah, that tracks), and Therese’s conflicted on how she feels about her relationship with Richard. Carol invites her to come over at some point, and she agrees.

Later on, while in traffic in the car of a friend, Abby Gerhard (Sarah Paulson), she seems to acknowledge potential attraction between her and Therese, although it’s not exactly set in stone. She heads to a party that evening. Meanwhile, she visits her friend Danny, an aspiring writer, who inquires about her hobby of photography, and then...kisses her...even though she’s dating a friend. Fuckin’ OH BOY, DANNY.

Harge takes Carol home, and he’s 100% still in love with her, and she’s just not feeling it. This may be related to the fact that she and Abby were also once a couple. Yeah. Harge is aware of this, and they were DEFINITELY a romantic couple in the past, which means...yeah, Carol’s a straight-up lesbian, it would seem. Harge says it “shouldn’t be like this,” and it’s not clear whether that refers to Carol’s attraction to women, or the divorce in general. It is the 1950′s, after all.

OH WAIT. Forgot to mention that, didn’t I? This film takes place in the 1950s, I think? Hasn’t been made super clear as of yet, but the aesthetic is certainly the 1950s, without much doubt. The next day, Carol goes to pick Therese up, and meets Richard. Richard tells Therese he loves her as they depart. Therese doesn’t return the sentiment. FUCKIN’ OOF.

As the two drive through Lincoln Tunnel together, their dialogue is quieted, and we get some interesting close-up shots of their eyes, lips, faces. And it’s definitely meant to suggest something more physical, something without words. In other words...Harold’s wife is starting to get the idea. Harold’s not quite there yet, though.

Carol and Therese go to Carol’s home in New Jersey, where she meets her and 4-year old Harge’s daughter, Rindy, who Carol obviously loves VERY much. That night, Therese plays the piano, and also shares her passion for photography with Carol. Carol shows interest in her hobby, when Harge suddenly shows up to take Lindy unexpectedly for Christmas with his family, away from her.

The argument that this results in quickly envelops Therese, as Harge confronts Carol about her presence there. The ending result, though, is that Carol is forced to let Rindy leave early with Harge. And yeah, it’s sad for her. Harge, on the other hand, is being an absolute dick. The two have a verbal and PHYSICAL argument outside, which Therese partially overhears.

As an apology for bringing Therese into this marital struggle, Carol gives her a ride to the train station, so she can make her way home that night. On the train, Therese cries. Is this because of Harge, because of Carol, because of a struggle with her own feelings? I’m honestly not sure. And it’s a good question.

Carol seems to believe that it’s because of her, though, as she turned her away somewhat abruptly. However, she quickly tries to make up for it by calling and apologizing. Therese says that she has questions for her, and Carol is more than willing to answer them. The next day, Carol goes down to her divorce attorney’s office, only to discover that Harge is trying to take away ALL of Carol’s custody.

And the reason for it? You guessed it! Carol’s a lesbian! Sooooooo, FUCK HARGE!!! With this otion, Carol won’t be able to see Rindy for several months, which hurts her greatly. Again, fuck Harge, he’s a dick who’s taking away Carol’s joy and time with her daughter solely because Carol isn’t attracted to him. GODDAMN, that absolutely sucks.

Meanwhile, Therese’s struggling with her own feelings, some of which may be for Carol, and actually STRIGHT-UP asks Richard his opinions on the origins of homosexuality. He believes that it can’t just happen like heterosexual love, which...I mean, 1950s, what can I tell ya, it wasn’t great. He point-blank asks her if she’s in love with a girl, and she says no, and leaves him in the street in a huff. And real talk, I feel bad...for Richard. Therese, too, but dude is genuinely in head-over-heels with Therese, and is just NOT getting the hint.

Carol and Abby go to have lunch, where Carol breaks the news. They share tenderness, as they have in the past, and Abby’s pretty clearly out of the closet, as much as one can be in the 1950s. Also, quick aside to note that Sarah Paulson rules...and moving on.

Carol then visits Therese, and gives her new camera equipment as a kind gesture. Carol shares with her the news of the struggle with her husband, and says that she’s going on a trip, to get away for a while. She invites Therese to come with her, quite spontaneously, and Therese equally spontaneously says yes! Fuckin OOOOOOOF to Richard, goddamn.

Also, exactly the halfway point! See you in Part 2!

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brandeetuckersteger · 3 years

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While filming American Crime Story I got to act opposite some of the most wonderful, sublime, FANTASTIC unknown/not known yet Black actresses. We laughed. We danced. We joked. We told stories. And we held each other up and cheered each other on as we experienced an awe-inspiring opportunity together. So, I cried, like wept, after I wrapped American Crime Story. I was so overwhelmed with emotion, with joy, that when I walked into my trailer for the last time, tears started to pour out of my eyes uncontrollably. And my face went into the ugly cry. You know the one? Where you kind of look like a monster that’s melting? Anyway, I couldn’t stop! So I just had to sit with it for a few minutes and calm myself down so I could look like a “normal” human when I left. This opportunity was just so emotional for me in all the best ways that emotion can exist. I mean, almost a year before this shoot I was starting to question whether or not I was ever going to get opportunities as an actress, and my odds as a Black actress. Then, a year later I’m on set with excellence. I’m shoulder to shoulder with these incredible Black women while getting to act opposite the brilliant Sarah Paulson and the mega-incredible @beaniefeldstein while being directed by film hero Rachel Morrison on a Ryan Murphy project, (the one and only Ryan Murphy!!!) about a historical story that gives us a look at the women’s point of view in this high profile case about President Clinton 🤯 pretty cool. pretty freakin cool. So, I hope you’re watching or planning to watch American Crime Story: Impeachment! All of it because it’s mind-blowing. But especially me and my girls on episode 9 (which was last week on FX 😬 but there’s always reruns and Amazon Prime!) 🥰 #americancrimestory #americancrimestoryimpeachment #actorslife #actors #blackwomen #women #love #dreamer #onset #filming #uglycry https://www.instagram.com/p/CV__qCvFAjy/?utm_medium=tumblr

#americancrimestory #americancrimestoryimpeachment #actorslife #actors #blackwomen #women #love #dreamer #onset #filming #uglycry

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ariana-maryse · 4 years

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Top 10 Hottest for December

I really wanted this one to be Christmas themed, but I’ve apparently seen almost no holiday horror films. So I’mma do what I can first and then proceed normally.

Billy Peltzer (Zach Galligan, Gremlins)

Starting off with someone that’s innocent and charming. Not my usual type, but he’s mad cute. He makes bad choices, but don’t we all?

Sarah Engel (Toni Collette, Krampus)

100% on here because it’s Toni Collette and I’m really tryna cram some Christmas on here.

Mildred Ratched (Sarah Paulson, Ratched)

The definition of a ride or die. She’s crafty, she’s smart, and she fine af. Hell yeah.

John Ryder (Sean Bean, The Hitcher)

That one scene where Closer is playing and he causes that whole ass wreck really does some things for me.

Michonne (Danai Gurira, The Walking Dead)

The way she swings a sword absolutely disintegrates my clothes. Michonne: has her arms out, Me: lol why r my clothes gone

Owen Sharma (Rahul Kohli, The Haunting of Bly Manor)

Another wholesome babe. The dad jokes, the sweaters, the kindness. Must protect.

Eddie Kaspbrak (Dennis Christopher, It)

And another one. When he’s like, “I know it’s just camphor water, but I need it anyway.” Babyyyy.

Abraham (Winston Duke, Us)

When Red’s like, “I get stuck with this asshole” I’m like... okay, but, like... that ain’t so bad.

Jack Marrowbone (George MacKay, Marrowbone)

A strange turn of events as we have a fourth sweet bab. He’s so charming and so soft. Ugh. Love.

Charly (Sheri Moon Zombie, 31)

What a badass. She said fuck this entire game, I’m about to whoop some ass. And I’m going to look hot doing it, too.

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queermediastudies · 4 years

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Carol, Romance and Lack of Inclusion

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A US trailer for the film.

Carol, a film based on the book The Price of Salt by Patricia Highsmith, starring Rooney Mara and Cate Blanchett, came out in 2015 and attained great critical success. Nominated for 6 Oscars, 5 golden Globes, and 9 BAFTA film awards. It also won two awards in the Cannes film festival, best actress (Rooney Mara), and the Queer Palm award, due to its being “The first time a love story between two women was treated with the respect and significance of any other mainstream cinematic romance.” (IMDB). It is, refreshingly, explicitly queer, avoiding much of the LGBTQ+ audience’s need to undertake a “queer reading” (Doty, 1993) of yet another heterosexual film. The storyline, acting and production of this film are all extremely well done; however, it has several problematic factors such as its lack of LGBTQ+ cast members in its lead roles, lack of racially diverse casting, and marketing that hid the film’s queer storyline.

The movie tells the love story of two women living in the 1950s. Therese, played by Rooney Mara, is a department store clerk in New York City. While at work, she runs into a customer, Carol, played by Cate Blanchett, with whom she has an unexpected connection. The two women gradually begin a romantic relationship. Carol’s soon to be ex-husband, Harge (played by Kyle Chandler), complicates things by attempting to stop her contact with their daughter due to the “immorality” of her relationship with Therese. Unable to see her daughter, Carol takes Therese on a road trip, where they fall deeper in love. On their road trip, they discover that Harge has hired someone to follow them and collect evidence of Carol’s “immoral behavior.” After Harge’s discovery, Carol leaves Therese a letter with her best friend Abby (Played by Sarah Paulson) in which she ends their relationship. Heartbroken, Therese returns to New York and begins a new chapter of her life in which she embraces her lesbianism. After deciding that living a life free from Harge’s shaming of her sexuality is more important to her than having full custody of her daughter, Carol leaves him for good and calls Therese. The movie ends with their long, lingering eye contact across a restaurant, implying that they end up together.

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A silly (but informative) video that summarizes and comments on the movie.

This movie tells a beautiful, if complicated, love story between two women set in the 1950s. It does not fall for many of the storyline pitfalls that many other lesbian films do, such as an unhappy ending due to homophobia, or sex or love scenes directed for the male gaze. In fact, the film was intentionally directed as if seen through the eyes of 1950s underground female photographers.

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A Vanity Fair interview with Cate Blanchett in which she discusses the film’s directing style.

It is “unabashedly romantic” (Blanchett, 2016) and urges the audience to fall in love with Carol along with Therese. It also does not follow a rule of “gay and lesbian representation: no sexual interaction.” (Dow, 2001), but includes it in such a way that it contributes to the story without adding gratuity or oversexualization of either character. There is a great deal complexity to the two characters, and their love story is not the only thing happening in the film, which feels refreshing because “mainstream Hollywood films that deal with actual gay and lesbian lives and issues are extremely rare.” (Bernshoff and Griffin, 2004). They are not one-dimensional characters, they face outside pressures, such as Therese learning what she wants, not only in a partner, but in her professional life as she works to become a professional photographer. Carol’s struggle to separate from her husband is one of her character’s key driving factors, and it is complicated greatly by her social standing.

Therese’s character is relatively lower class, she works in a department store and her apartment is small and dingy. Carol on the other hand is an older, unhappily married woman whose family (or at least her husband’s family) is extremely well off. The social structures we see surrounding the two women are very different, and we see how they affect the two women in different ways. Although she works hard to make it in the world, Therese’s social circles are much more accepting of her queer identity, and it is almost as if there is nothing to lose for her. However, for Carol there is everything to lose. Her daughter, Rindy, is the light of her life, but when she leaves Harge for a woman, he punishes her by forcing her to keep away from their daughter. Throughout the movie we see Harge’s vicious and determined homophobia and its direct negative effects on Carol, but unlike in other films, it does not destroy her will to love who she wants.

Despite the movie’s overall beautiful representation of a romantic relationship, there are several issues with the film. The book it is based off of was written by a Queer woman and the storyline of the film is blatantly queer, however neither of the starring Actresses in the movie are queer. This is a missed opportunity in terms of the film’s casting, particularly for the film’s queer audience and for the queer actresses who likely auditioned and were denied one of their few opportunities to play a queer character in a mainstream movie. Both Blanchett and Mara are fantastic actresses, however, this does not take away the fact that queer women could have been cast into the film’s starring roles. There were queer actresses in the film, namely Sarah Paulson, playing Carol’s friend Abby, and Carrie Brownstein, who played a woman Therese flirts with at a party, but their roles were relatively minor. Based on this, it can easily be said that the movie’s production is “merely satisfying demands for inclusion without actually challenging the larger structural and systemic labor issues.” (Martin, 2018).

One of the film’s US promotional posters.

In addition to its lack of inclusion of queer cast members, this movie is overwhelmingly white. Very, very few people of color were cast in this film, and the only characters who were played by people of color were playing the roles of domestic staff. This film could easily have provided more opportunities for actors of color, but it chose not to. For a movie whose storyline and direction are so openly inclusive and somewhat groundbreaking, this lack of diversity in casting is disappointing. Both Carol and Therese were complex characters, but as with many other movies and tv shows about queer people they do not represent much intersectionality. They are both white, cisgender, able-bodied lesbian women, and the only aspect of identity that the film deals with is sexuality. Carol also avoids many of the issues of gender discrimination that were present in the 1950s that could easily have made its’ storyline and character development more nuanced. It can be seen as almost the opposite of the Oscar winning film Moonlight (2016), which is entirely made up of complex, intersectional characters. Despite its inclusivity to sexuality, it turns a blind eye to aspects of identity such as race and disability that likely play an important role in the lives of many of its viewers. As well as this, despite its’ openly queer trailer, the posters for the film deliberately displayed the two main characters as facing different directions and looking away from each other. This could have been an intentional choice to convince less accepting heterosexual moviegoers to watch the film, and it also implies that the film’s homosexual content should be hidden.

The first time I saw this film, I was 16, and just beginning to think about my sexuality as something other than straight. I voraciously consumed tv and movies about Lesbian and Bisexual women, hoping to find something I related to and felt included in. Carol, and its rich and beautifully stylized cinematography, was one of the few movies that made me feel heard and understood and felt like home to me.

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A scene where we see how Therese views Carol.

Unlike other movies I had seen, such as Blue is the Warmest Color, this movie made me feel like it was made for me. I was able to relate to the romance and feel like I wasn’t alone in feeling the way I did about, likely because I am able to relate to the two characters in the film, particularly Therese. Like most other movies about queer women, this movie is directed at young, white, able-bodied, cisgender, middle-class queer women, of which I am one. It did not challenge my identity or the way I saw the world. Despite its many obvious flaws, to me the most important aspect of this movie was how it displayed the growing relationship between Therese and Carol in a way that felt relatable and evoked deep feelings that made me relive the intense and beautiful experiences of first love.

References

Bernshoff, Harry and Griffin, Sean (2004). “Introduction,” in Queer Cinema: The Film Reader, 1-15.

Carol. (2020). Retrieved October 29, 2020, from https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2402927/awards?ref_=tt_awd

Doty, Alexander. (1993) “There’s Something Queer Here” in Making Things Perfectly Queer, 1-16.

Dow, Bonnie (2001). “Ellen, Television, and the Politics of Gay and Lesbian Visibility.” Critical Studies in Media Communication 18(2), 123-140.

Martin, Alfred L. Jr (2018). “Pose(r): Ryan Murphy, Trans and Queer of Color Labor, and the Politics of Representation.” LA Review of Books.

#cateblanchett #lesbian film #queermedia #film analysis #carol #rooney mara

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langdxn · 5 years

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I'm soooo curious how others perceive Cody, like his personality and stuff! Do you think you could write something where the reader is a fellow actress on ahs, and the moment Cody and her meet, the tension is heavy and sparks are flying, and after a while of getting close and hanging out Cody confesses his feelings? You can write it as a fic or as headcannons and add smut it's all up to you! I'm just so curious now hkgjfkfjjd 💕💖❤️

asdfghjkl this has ruined me 💕💕 I’ve never tried headcanons before so this probably sucks but here goes! I’m so sorry this is so long 😭😭😭

The first read-through for a season is terrifying enough, nobody knows who’s returning, who’s not returning, who the newbies are, what to expect.

You’re new this season so you turn up early just to introduce yourself before all the chaos ensues.

You’re the first one in the room and once you’re settled at your named seat, your handbag scooted neatly under your desk, the door creaks open and a heavily-ringed hand curls around it. Cody peeks round the corner and he’s already beaming from ear to ear before he’s seen who’s in the room.

Your heart doesn’t know whether to soar or sink like a stone because Cody freaking Fern just walked in smiling like a soft boi.

He’s stood in the doorway squealing with glee, he’s back for another season and he wasn’t dreaming it! He throws a “oh my god this is actually happening” in your direction.

He can’t decide whether to run over and greet you or sit down before everybody piles in and things get crazy. He settles for the latter because he’s shy as heck, so he saves himself the nerves by waving happily across the room. “Hey, you’re new here! Nice to meet you, I’m Cody!” His Michael rings glint in the early morning sunlight — he must be a morning person.

His Aussie accent is drop dead GORGEOUS by the way, there’s nothing that can change my mind about that, I don’t make the rules.

He spots his seat directly across from you and flings his bag on the table, pulling out his chair and sinking into the (indescribably uncomfortable) plastic chair.

So the read-through goes okay, Sarah Paulson’s front and centre smoking and Evan Peters is slumped in a chair in a dark corner.

Scanning through the script, you searched the pages for any scenes where you and Cody are together. From page one, you’re noticing his name above yours A LOT.

You looked over to him and you find Cody gazing back at you, wearing such a warm smile he lights up the whole fucking room.

You quickly looked back down but you couldn’t help looking again and this time he’s winking.

Or blinking really.

It’s a wink.

But he can’t wink.

So he blinks.

Turns out Cody’s character is hopelessly in love with yours and your character bats him off daily.

So when you’re on set, you never know whether he’s gazing at you longingly because he’s getting into character or it’s real.

You’re just lucky he’s not caught you staring at him back.

Yet.

One day before you settled down for filming, you swore you caught him and Leslie Grossman giggling and gesturing towards you. In any other situation you’d think it was a bad thing but they’re too kind to be malicious, especially not behind someone’s back.

Sometimes you’d sit together at lunch and he’s aaaalways reading, he’s nose-deep in philosophy books 24/7 and he’ll read some paragraphs out loud to get everybody talking.

Well, not quite everybody... Gus doesn’t even bat an eyelid.

Every day he’s wearing a different extravagant ring. The costume department must be out of jewellery because he’s always trying them on and ‘testing them out’.

He’s a people person. If he’s not talking, he’s listening, asking questions and actively getting to know everybody.

He’s forever the most popular guy during breaks in shooting, he’s always swamped by people, cast and crew trying to speak to him. That’s why it’s so hard to catch five seconds to speak to him one-on-one... not that you’ve got any courage for that, at least not yet.

“Ask me who I’m wearing,” he shouts over to Billie, gesturing at some out-of-this-world outfit he’s got ready for a photoshoot later. “BALENCIAGAAAAAA!”

Seriously, he LOVES dropping AHS references. It’s obvious he’s a superfan and he tries to restrain it but he’s just so happy to be where he is, living the dream.

Asking him for feedback on your performance in certain scenes is just impossible, he’d never say a bad word about anybody.

DID I MENTION he tries to wink at everybody but... it’s just not happening. He’s working on it.

Weeks later, you’re filming a scene where Cody has to try and kiss you and you brush it off.

His hands are resting on your hips and he’s towering over you, his lips are hovering so close to yours and his gorgeous blue eyes are pleading with you to let him touch you.

You keep messing up the scene because you’re shaking and blinking frantically, it’s not that you’re not a professional but he’s literally right there begging you to capture his lips and melt into him.

Cody laughs it off and tries to calm you down by whispering that it’s okay to be nervous... like that’s not how you calm a girl down but bless him for trying.

A bunch of takes later, you were shaking so much your lips accidentally brushed together and finally that contact was all you needed to snap you out of your nervousness.

You nailed the next take and the directors finally called it for the day so you all head back to your dressing rooms.

Just as you’re about to leave, Cody taps you softly on the shoulder and takes you to one side.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” he nervously flicks his hair back from his forehead, looking down at his feet. “I was nervous too.”

“What’s there to be nervous about?” You enquire feeling a little intrusive at first but as you’ve got him in private, it wouldn’t hurt to ask.

“Haven’t you seen the way I’ve been looking at you ever since the read-through? I can’t take my eyes off you, I can’t stop thinking about you.”

It’s like someone just smacked you with a brick, you’re totally dumbstruck.

“I—I thought that was just method,” you stutter, shaking your head nervously and some of your hair falls in front of your face.

Cody reaches to brush your hair behind your ear, his azure irises burning into yours like he can plunge right into your soul and pluck out your deepest desires.

“Is this method too?” He whispers.

He gazes at your lips as if he’s making a mental map of your face, knowing full well they’ll be the first thing on his mind in the morning and the last thing at night.

You dare to look down at his, he’s caught his bottom lip ever so slightly between his teeth.

Without another word, his fingers snake gently around the back of your neck and pull you in.

Cody’s lips press so softly against yours, begging you to let him know you feel the same.

Your eyes are closed but it’s like fireworks are dancing all around your vision, like a watercolour masterpiece forming in your mind.

You break away from his lips to breathe deeply and open your eyes to see his eyes glistening, a loving, fulfilled spark ignited by finally, finally kissing you.

You lean back in to sink into his lips, drawing into him deeper and deeper, you feel him smiling so hard against you — he took a risk on you and it paid off.

His large, gentle hands ghost down to your waist and pull you close until you’re flat against him, feeling his heart beating so frantically in his chest it might burst out.

You wrap your arms around him and he breaks your kiss for a moment, drinking in the sight of you flush up against him and feeling you still shaking in disbelief.

“You don’t need to be nervous anymore, Y/N,” he coos, “I’m falling for you.”

#cody fern #cody fern fanfiction #cody fern headcanons

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movieswithmac · 4 years

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Hi everyone!!!

For today’s topic, it’s going to be my favourite top 5 movies from the last 10 years. That’s 2000 - 2020!!

1. Ocean’s 8

Kicking off with the ultimate girl power movie, Ocean’s 8 is the brilliant retake on the 2001 movie franchise of the Ocean’s series starring George Clooney, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts.

This all girl take is everything you need for a girls night in..or out, pulling of the biggest jewellery heist in history. It has an all star cast from actresses, singers and rappers. Starring Sandra Bullock, Cate Blanchet, Anne Hathaway, Helena Bonham Carter, Rhianna, Sarah Paulson, Awkwafina and Mindy Kaling.

They have totally brought in amazing women from every field of the entertainment industry and it was genius!!

It’s the perfect movie that shows just how smart, strong, sexy and determined woman really are. This is one to grab the popcorn, get the ice cream and cosy up on the couch with your best girlfriends and watch how this brilliant team get away with $30 million EACH!!

Now that’s a sum i’d risk jail time for, would you?

There are 3 movies prior to Ocean’s 8. These are Ocean’s Eleven(2001), Ocean’s Twelve(2004), Ocean’s Thirteen(2007) and Ocean’s 8 following in 2018.

2. Joker

We all know about the running rivalry between DC Comics and Marvel. Who do you prefer, Batman/Superman(DC) or The Avengers(Marvel)? Personally, I prefer Marvel, however, taking on of the DC characters.. the Joker and making an entire new kind of movie, really stuck with me.

Director Todd Phillips(The Hangover), had an alternative view on the Joker and he created a more real time version, and we loved it!

If you know the Jokers character in many DC films, you’ll know that he’s an anarchist, crazy, screws loose and very dangerous if he gets his own way.

Todd Phillips done something new and took the viewers behind the scenes of the Joker, giving us just a small understanding of why he is the way he is. Touching on mental health and how society treats those who are known to have a ‘mental illness’, it identifys the stigma and what that stigma can do to a person, inside and out.

Starring the fantastic Joaquin Phoenix, he plays the character beautifully and really pulls us into the role with him. Slowly losing the will to live and then causing enough uproar to finally be heard by others that share his views on the corrupt world we live in today. It truly is a masterpiece, brought to our screens in 2019. Simply amazing.

3. Avengers: Infinity War

Going to the otherside of hero’s and bad guys, Marvel Comics creater Stan Lee who sadly passed away in 2018, has pulled us into his world of superhumans that we just can’t help but love. Avengers is an amazing series of men and women who protect us from the evils of other worlds.

The best team of weird and wonderful avengers that fight off any uninvited guests that try to take over our beloved planet.

Avengers Infinty War is the 21st movie in the Avengers series, there is currently 23 movies in total with more still to come, and it is a real tear jerker if you’re properly invested in the series..which I am.

From the off, they look like ordinary people with exception of a few, but they are the monster fighting super humans that are there for us on more than one occasion. No matter how big the threat, they protect us. Infinity War brings us their biggest challenege yet, Thanos.

Thanos is the destroyer of worlds and his theory is that by wiping out half the planet, will make for a better planet? Where is his logic that killing billions of innocent people is the best decsion for us? He’s big, he’s purple, he’s strong and one small problem..he’s collecting infinity stones, the Avengers need to stop him before it’s too late!!

Avenegers is an all star cast with some of the biggest names in the industry. Starring Robert Downey, Jr, Chris Hemsworth, Scarlette Johansson, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Evans, Elizabeth Olsen, Samuel L. Jackson, Jeremy Renner, Paul Bettany, Chris Pratt, Bradley Cooper, Vin Diesel, Tom Holland, Chadwisck Boseman, Zoe Saldana, Paul Rudd and Dave Bautista. The levels of talent here are incredible and they do a brilliant job.

But can they save us this time?

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adamwatchesmovies · 3 years

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Run (2020)

Run is a good junior-level entry in the thriller genre. It’s got a solid premise with no extraneous bells or whistles. Its target audience - teens who want some tension and moderate scares - will get a kick out of it. Don’t expect it to become a lasting favorite or to have the wheel reinvented and you’ll have an enjoyable time.

Since she was a baby, wheelchair-bound Chloe (Kiera Allen) has been homeschooled and taken care of by her single mom, Diane (Sarah Paulson). As she awaits her university acceptance letters, she notices odd behavior from her mother. When she discovers her medication is being tampered with, a horrified Chloe attempts to get answers.

If you’ve seen your share of movies, you know where Run is headed and can practically predict every beat. There are also instances where you may grow frustrated at Chloe, who seems a tad slow at deducing things/calling for help. In all fairness, this is her mother we're dealing with and she doesn't know she's in a movie but we don’t get quite enough scenes of them together as a loving unit to push away the screaming red flags displayed all over the place. If you haven’t seen this tale before, you won’t make the mental comparisons that would drop this movie down a notch. Instead, you’ll focus on the good aspects.

As a horror-thriller, the basics are all correctly done. We focus on a small cast rather than a body count, which allows us to connect with Chloe. Did you feel like a prisoner inside your own home even before the pandemic forced you to stay away from everyone but your parents? Now imagine being unable to do something even as simple as drive a car or walk down the steps. Chloe doesn’t even have friends since she’s been homeschooled and the lack of a cellphone or an internet connection makes her completely isolated. It’s satisfying to see her improvise workarounds for the various barriers in her home. Her method of breaking a window might be a little convoluted but you can’t argue with the results.

The performances are strong throughout. Both from Sarah Paulson and Kiera Allen, who uses a wheelchair in real life and is making her film debut. I have to applaud director Aneesh Chaganty (who directed the excellent Searching in 2018) for this choice. I bet Chloe brought a lot of her real-life to the role. Well done.

There are points where the film could’ve easily been improved, however. There’s clumsy, unnecessary exposition during the conclusion and the appropriately twisted ending is a little much. Details like these are what prevent Run from having rewatch value.

I’m not going to give Run (interesting title, by the way) an enthusiastic rating but I will recommend it for certain audiences. The movie is rated PG-13. I’m certain many parents are looking for something to watch with their teens. This is a great choice. Outside of this net, the movie is just ok. (April 10, 2021)

#Run #movies #films #MovieReviews #FilmReviews #AneeshChaganty #SarahPaulson #SevOhanian #KieraAllen #2020movies #2020films #thrillers

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duchessfics · 4 years

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A Lasting Mark Part 4

(https://ahs-gif-imagines.tumblr.com/post/171798402006/ahs-30-day-challenge-1530-character-that-i-wish)

(https://alainashuffman.tumblr.com/post/66522632737/sarah-paulson-in-piggy-piggy)

Billie x Fem!Reader x Audrey

Requested by @shineestark: I’m not saying we need a bit of Billie x reader x Audrey angst, but that’s exactly what I’m saying. reader seeing some random hate comments about her when she’s seen out with Audrey and/or Billie? reader and Billie and Audrey missing each other when they have to travel for filming? them fighting? SO MUCH POTENTIAL.

Warning(s): Angst, Relationship tension (I don’t know if that’s a warning, but just in case), use of cigarettes, cursing

Summary: You told Billie and Audrey that you didn’t mind them going on vacation without you, but as time progresses you begin to question that decision and your value in the relationship.

Word Count: 10,650

A/n: Vivi I hope I did this justice. I’m working on my angst, I promise. Although this ends resolved so... 😅 For some context Since this is in “The Lasting Mark Series” the reader is a stunt double and she has three older brothers with the oldest being a stunt double as well. I mentioned that in the first part, but if you’re confused that’s where the concept is from.

Here’s part 1, part 2 [NSFW], and part 3 [NSFW]

You watch Audrey and Billie rushing around your shared bedroom, throwing last minute items into their suitcases. However when you see the time on your phone you know that you need to go. So you hesitantly tell them, “We should have left five minutes ago…”

You hear Audrey curse in the bathroom, and something falls onto the floor. Meanwhile Billie throws the remaining clothes into their suitcases, no longer taking the time to neatly fold them. Then the actress dashes out with two stuffed toiletry bags and stuffs them in one of their checked bags. Both women zip up their respective suitcases as Audrey assures you, “That’s the last of it.”

So you take their two suitcases that are going to be checked and your girlfriends roll their carry-on suitcases in addition to their purses. It’s a good thing you’ve been weight training because both of these pieces of luggage have to be at least 60 pounds.

While walking out to the car you go over their checklist asking:

“You’ve got toothbrushes? Extra contacts? Sunglasses? Sunscreen? Chargers? Swimsuit?”

They answer yes to each one and you hope they’re right. That being so, you load everything into the trunk and get in the driver’s side to take them to the airport.

On the way there, Billie puts down the passenger’s window and lights a cigarette, making sure the ashes go outside. In response you hear a groan from the backseat.

“Bill, do you really have to do that now? I’m right behind you.”

The medium smirks and lets out a puff of smoke, resting her arm on the window’s ledge so most of the smoke blows out of the car. Then she adjusts her oversized designer sunglasses and purrs, “Honey, this is my last one before our vacation. I just need a couple minutes. Once we're there, I’ll be able to occupy myself with other…how do I put this…activities.”

You bite your lower lip in an attempt to conceal your smile when Audrey huffs, “Honestly.” Before moving to sit behind you. Billie just chuckles before teasing, “You know you love me, baby.”

The actress doesn’t respond, however when you take a glance in the rearview mirror, you see her cheeks have a pink flush to them that wasn’t there before.

Fortunately, you make up for running late by speeding along and you’re on time when you pull up to the drop off at the airport. Once you’ve parked the car you help Billie and Audrey unload all of their luggage.

After you check the trunk to make sure it’s empty Billie comes close to peck your lips and murmurs, “Goodbye, babygirl.” Then Audrey pecks your lips before reassuring you, “We’ll be back before you know it and the next time we go on vacation it will certainly be all three of us.”

The thought makes you smile and you nod before telling them, “Love you both.” Your girlfriends smile back and simultaneously reply, “Love you too.” Then you watch them walk into the airport until you can’t see them anymore and drive home.

By the time you get back to the house it’s just past noon. So you eat a light lunch of leftovers and put on some workout clothes. Once you’re dressed you head to their personal gym and workout in preparation for your stunt gig tomorrow.

Your training session ends up being a couple hours long and by the time you’re finished, both your body and your clothes are soaked with sweat. So you go to your bathroom to take a long shower.

At first, you turn the water cold to cool yourself down from all of the activity you did. After about 15 minutes, you warm up the water and finish washing yourself. The warmth soothes your sore muscles and your body feels jelly-like when you step out of the shower. It’s at that moment that your exhaustion catches up with you and since you have no other place to go, you throw on some sweatpants and a loose tee to lounge in.

Once you’re dressed you step out to the living room and lay out on the couch, halfway watching the tv show that’s on while checking your messages and Instagram to see if there’s anything from either of your girlfriends. But for the moment there’s nothing. They weren’t supposed to land in Hawaii until 7:00 your time and that’s just over an hour from now. So you continue to listen to your favorite tv show that you have seen plenty of times before while you cook dinner and meal prep for the coming week.

In the midst of cooking, your phone goes off and you see it’s your group text between you, Billie, and Audrey. After wiping your hands clean, you unlock your phone to see it’s a picture of Audrey laughing at a candlelit dinner. You can practically hear her giggles and smile at the fact that she isn’t worried about preventing her eyes from crinkling or the hint of a wrinkle on her forehead creasing. She looks truly happy and worry-free which is rare for her.

Then another photo appears and it’s at the same dinner. But this one is a selfie and Audrey looks at the camera with a grin and rosy cheeks while Billie’s face is turned to kiss Audrey’s cheek. Even though the medium doesn’t face the camera directly, you see the corner of her luscious lips curved up into a mischievous smirk. They look so happy together.

Like how they were before you came along…

But you stop yourself from going down that road.

They set this up before you came along. And you have to work anyway. That will keep you occupied. Next time you’ll be there.

You’re able to talk yourself down and text back,

You both look beautiful. ❤️ Was the flight ok?

Right away your message says read and Billie replies,

Thank you, sweetie. We made it here without a hitch. Audrey wants me to tell you she is sure you look beautiful too. 😘 We both hope your work goes well this week.

You text with them for a little longer and they tell you what it’s like there while you share some details about the job you have. After going back and forth for a half an hour, you tell them goodnight and go to bed soon after, feeling better than before texting them…

The next morning you are up before the sun rises and drive to the set for some action film. You know it involves spies and you’re standing in for one of the secondary characters to do some of the more intense fight scenes and stunts. But it’s nothing too strenuous compared to your usual gigs.

After checking in you head to the hair and makeup trailer to get in the same attire as the character. The sun is nearly rising when you step out and as you walk to the first set you’re filming at you hear a familiar voice from behind you say,

“Hey squirt.”

That makes you whip around to see your oldest brother standing there. Your grin mirrors his and you run up, giving him a hug. In response he chuckles and warns, “Don’t mess up your makeup, y/n.”

The reminder makes you backup and you give a soft apology, walking over to the filming area next to him. While walking, you ask, “How have you been? I feel like we haven’t seen each other in forever. Have you talked to Mom and Dad at all? I haven’t gotten a chance to. How are Michael and Jared?”

Your brother ends your questions with a laugh and says, “Woah, one question at a time, kid.” You roll your eyes at the nickname, however the stunt director calls you both over ending any further conversation.

You and Asher focus on your work because even a small mishap can be detrimental. It turns out that the character your brother is stepping in for is the antagonist and since you’re stepping in for the sidekick of the main character quite a few of your scenes are together.

Today consists of learning, rehearsing, and filming combat scenes multiple times with multiple shots to make sure the movement and technique doesn’t look sloppy. By the time you’re finished working, the sun is setting and you feel exhausted. The number of times your brother body-slammed you and yanked you into a harsh chokehold leaves you sore. Of course you beat him up too, but he effortlessly shakes it off. Both of you walk to the makeup and hair trailer after changing into your normal clothes and Asher comments,

“You seem quiet. You tired, squirt?”

You look to him and nod with slumped shoulders. Then you ask, “You?”

He smiles and replies, “Of course. And there was this one stunt double, I think she played the sidekick,” You giggle at his teasing and he continues, “I don’t know her name, but I’ll tell you what she beat my ass today. I’m gonna need to recover a little.”

You shove him with your shoulder, both of you laughing as you say, “Shut up.” He opens the trailer door for you while saying, “Really though. You’ve gotten stronger. I knew you could beat up Jared, but now I bet you could whoop him and Michael.”

Your brother is not one to just give compliments out, so it means a lot that he actually told you that. Being 14 years younger made it hard to connect with him as a kid, but when you work like this it feels much more natural to interact with each other, adult to adult.

“Thanks. I've been working out more the past couple months and I’m glad that my efforts are paying off.” You respond.

Asher sits in one chair and you grab your phone from your bag before sitting down next to him. It’s only then that you see the 30 text messages from your group chat with your girlfriends.

While you get your makeup and wig removed you begin to read through their texts starting from the first one this morning. First is a selfie of Audrey on what looks to be a balcony in the morning light. And the words she sends with the image are

Good morning, sweetheart. ❤️

The next text is Billie replying,

Morning beautiful. 😘

Then Audrey responds,

Did you seriously text me in the same room?

to which Billie teases,

Did you seriously do the same thing? 😉😘

Their banter over texts makes you let out a soft laugh and your brother leans towards you while asking, “What’s so funny?”

Immediately you close your phone and clutch it to your chest, squeaking, “Nothing.” Your cheeks burn as he teases with a grin, “Doesn’t seem like ‘nothing.’” Then his eyes widen in realization and he says in a more serious tone, “Oh my god, do you have a boyfriend?”

That completely throws you off and your ears begin to warm up when you sputter, “What? No Ash. I—”

But he cuts you off with a deep laugh and says, “Oh you definitely do. Is that why you haven’t talked to Mom and Dad in the past couple months?” Your mind races to answer and to make matters worse, your phone buzzes and lights up with a text notification. He stands up barefaced and you try to explain, “It’s not what you think—”

“Sure, y/n. Whatever helps you sleep at night.” He taunts with a grin. Then he grabs his duffle bag and slings it over his shoulder before saying, “I’ll see you tomorrow, kid.” He walks out and you let out a huff of annoyance at the misunderstanding. The makeup artist shoots you a sympathetic glance and assures you, “If it helps, I have brothers just like that.” The reassurance helps you to shrug it off and less than fifteen minutes later you’re finished and heading home.

When you enter the house, the oven’s clock shows it’s nearly 10:30. So you eat a light dinner while reading through the rest of their texts and photos. Once you’ve reached their most recent texts, you type your own, saying,

Sorry I haven’t responded at all today. I was busy working, but I’m glad you’re having a good time. ☺️ You both deserve that and more. Goodnight.

Your body aches as you climb into bed and within seconds, you’re out cold, completely spent from the day’s activities…

The next day begins the same way, waking up before the sun rises, driving to set and getting ready to shoot. However, as the makeup artist and hairstylist fix you up you watch Audrey and Billie’s Instagram stories.

Audrey’s first picture is the selfie she sent you with her hair tousled from sleep. Next is a boomerang of her clinking a glass of mimosa with another and you can tell it’s Billie just from the glimpse of her acrylic nails. She chose a bold coral color in honor of their vacation.

Finally, it’s a video showing Audrey’s legs on a lounge chair that’s partially in the water on the sun shelf of the infinity pool with the perfect view of the beach. Billie stands towards the edge and the sun beams down on them both.

Then the actress calls out Billie’s name, making her twist to face Audrey. She looks gorgeous wearing a designer, floppy hat with a brim that’s wide enough to shade her upper half and looks to be made with straw. And even though she chose a classic black one piece, there’s a deep V-neck cut that nearly reaches her navel exposing a generous amount of her skin. Only she could pull it off so effortlessly. As per usual, her oversized designer glasses are on and she gives Audrey a smile before blowing a kiss.

Billie’s story starts off with the same boomerang of their mimosas. Next is a video that begins with a view of the private beach. She slowly turns around and you see Audrey lounging on the same partially submerged chair in the sun shelf section of the pool. Their private villa stands proudly in the background and looks perfect. Then you hear her purr from behind the camera, “Hey sugar.”

Audrey wears a maroon-colored bikini that you and Billie convinced her to get shortly after you first met them. The actress was nervous that it would reveal any signs of aging she has, but both of you assured her she would look beautiful and Audrey does. She definitely looks like a stunning model. The only other thing she wears is her own designer sunglasses with a cat-eye shape to them.

She giggles at Billie’s words and playfully makes a small splash with her foot towards the woman filming. You hear Billie’s rich chuckle in the background and the next part of her story is a link to an Instagram post.

So you click on it and see it’s a photo of them kissing each other, perfectly lit by the sunset. Then you read the lengthy description alongside it:

“I’m not one to get too sentimental, but this lovely woman deserves this and more. So here you go, sweetheart: The first time we met I instantly knew you were special and ever since then I’ve realized how extraordinary you really are. You’ve been my rock, my number 1 cheerleader, a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with, and the best partner I’ve ever had. I love you to the moon and back and then some. I’m so glad we finally have the time to take a true vacation together. I am yours completely until the end of time.”

Your eyes smart with tears, causing the makeup artist to ask, “Is something irritating your eyes? I can remove it and start over.” You come back to reality and clear your throat before replying, “No, it’s just my allergies being difficult today. But thank you.”

Honestly you wish you could have a moment to let out your emotions. But you have work to do. So you focus on channeling those emotions into your stunts.

However, when rehearsing one of your fights with your brother, you slam him down on the mat hard enough to knock the wind out of him.

Right away you gasp and say, “I’m so sorry Asher. Are you ok?” He takes your extended hand and you help him up while he replies, “I’m good. But you may want to lighten up your Hulk smashes.”

Normally you would laugh or even smile at his teasing, but your eyes glaze over and you feel your bottom lip quivering to keep your emotions in check. That reaction makes him get serious and he asks in a lower voice, “Hey, what’s wrong, squirt?” You sniff back your tears and shake your head while replying, “It’s nothing.” He goes to say more, however the stunt director calls you back to your places.

Fortunately, you wrap up earlier than yesterday, but you feel even more worn down from both your physical activity and keeping your emotions in check. And to make matters worse, you see Billie texts you about calling tonight.

The notification goes off at the same time you and your brother are walking out to your cars and he playfully nudges you while teasing, “Your boyfriend texting you?”

Normally you would tease back, but in your aggravation, you shove him back and snap, “Will you just leave that alone?!”

He holds up his hands and cautiously replies, “My bad.” Then he keeps a little further away from you. Right away you feel horrible and when he moves to go to his car you plead, “Wait.”

He pauses, looking to you and you say with a thick voice, “I’m sorry, Ash. Today just hasn’t been the best for me. But I didn’t mean to snap at you.” He gives you a small smile and responds, “Hey, we all have shitty days. I just figured you were upset at everything and everyone.”

Then his smile widens, and he jokes, “Also I didn’t want to get my ass handed to me again.” That makes you giggle, and he joins in before telling you, “I’ll see you tomorrow, squirt.” You tell him goodbye and walk over to your own car.

Once you’re inside and seated in the driver’s seat you text Billie that you’re free to call. Less than a minute later you see her caller ID. So you take a deep breath to center yourself and answer, saying, “Hello?”

Billie’s warm voice responds, “Hey, babygirl. How are you holding up?”

Should you tell the truth? No. You don’t want to ruin their vacation. You said you would be fine and you’re going to sound fine. They deserve to have a break from the world and you’re going to grant them that.

“Darling?” Audrey says, drawing your attention. You clear your throat and reply, “Sorry. I’m just a little tired from work. But I’m doing alright. How is Hawaii? It looks beautiful from the pictures I’ve seen.”

Audrey is the first one to respond, chirping, “Oh it is beautiful. I mean, I don’t think it gets better than this. The weather is perfect, the villa is gorgeous, and the food—oh my god, It’s the best I’ve ever ate—”

Billie cuts in and says, “We would love to take you here sometime, honey.” Then the actress pipes up, “Oh yes! And we could show you the best restaurants, the cutest shops, and more. Everything's amazing.”

While you want to be the supportive girlfriend, tears sting at your eyes once again. So, you swallow the lump of emotions in your throat and try to say in a neutral voice, “I’m so happy for you both. You definitely deserve this vacation.”

Right away both women hear the tremor in your voice, but Billie shakes her head when Audrey silently gestures if she should ask about it.

Then the medium tests the waters by asking, “Besides working, do you have any other plans, sweetheart?” You try to shove the tears that spill out back into your eyes with your fists while you answer, “Honestly I’ll need a day or two to recover from this job. Otherwise I’ll probably do stuff around the house.”

By now, you’ve got yourself composed enough to joke, “So if you have a honey-do list I’ll have time to take care of it.” But it doesn’t sound like your normal voice even to you. Audrey leans closer to the phone as if desiring to give you a hug and encourages, “Well make sure to take care of yourself, darling. Don’t push yourself too much.”

You wipe your nose with a leftover napkin from a fast food run you made at some point trying to not make a sound. Then you ask, “What about you both? What are your plans?”

Both women make eye contact and hesitate for a moment. However, Billie slowly answers, “Tomorrow we’re taking a boat ride around the area. My friend owns a yacht and offered to take us. And the next day we’re planning to spend part of the day looking around at the local marketplace. The last two days are open to either just relax at the villa or go out and do something.”

You hold your head in your hand that doesn’t hold the phone and remind yourself that this week isn’t about you.

You need to be supportive.

Your forehead feels heavy against your palm as you tell them, “It sounds like a great time. I’m sure you’ll have so much fun. I-I think I’m going to say goodnight. I’ve had this massive headache all day and it’s flaring up right now. Sorry.”

Immediately Audrey gasps and asks, “It’s not from the stunts, is it? Did you hurt yourself at all? Should you go to the doctor?”

You can’t help but smile at her concern for you and you realize you feel envious, but also you just miss having your girlfriends around.

“No, I didn’t get hurt. I think it’s a caffeine headache or I’ve probably had too much sugar. But I just took medicine so I should be alright in an hour or so.”

Billie soothes, “Well we hope you get feeling better soon, babygirl. We’ll talk to you later.” You collect yourself enough to reply in your usual voice, “Thanks. I’ll talk to you later.” Then Audrey quickly says, “We love you, y/n.” That feels like a punch to your gut and you wonder how you can be so selfish. You quickly reply, “Love you too.” Hanging up before you start crying…

Audrey lets out a sigh and asks, “Did we do something wrong?” Billie looks to her phone as if hoping it will give her the answer before responding, “No…I think she’s just feeling a little lonely. I mean, if her and I took a vacation while you worked or if I was the one working it wouldn’t exactly be easy.”

The actress runs her fingers through her short hair before muttering, “Shit. But what should we say? I mean we have been working hard and this was set up before we even met y/n—”

Billie comes over to sit beside Audrey and cuts her off with a kiss. She reflexively responds to the medium, melting against her chest and opening herself up completely.

After a moment, Billie breaks the kiss and leans her forehead against Audrey’s before murmuring, “We’ll just give it some time. She’s tired from work. But I’m sure she’s doing alright.” Audrey softly replies, “Ok.” Then they get ready for their evening swim, electing to skip on wearing swimsuits…

After getting so emotional the day before, you choose to turn your phone off for your last day on set. Honestly you need to keep your full attention on the stunts today.

Your first one is to jump off the top of a 15-story building while pulling a gun out of the holster on your hip to shoot up at the people on the roof. Between coordinating the jump, the fall, and you pulling out the gun, it takes at least 5 times of you doing the stunt.

Next you are shooting at people behind you as you run and jump off of the edge of the building to grab onto one of the landing skids of a helicopter before climbing into it.

That’s a complicated maneuver in itself, but you also have to do the whole thing while people are shooting at you. You don’t keep track of how many times you do that one, but it’s enough to drain nearly all your energy. And you still have one stunt left.

For this one you have to climb out of the passenger side window to get to the dash of the car. Then you hop onto the back of the car in front of you. That’s not too difficult, but you have to do all of this while the cars are moving at 70 mph. And the car you were on explodes behind you so you need to have a good grip on the car’s roof.

But you love every minute of doing these stunts. The challenge and adrenaline rush are incomparable to anything else you’ve experienced.

When the director calls a wrap for the day, both you and your brother stagger over to hair and makeup. Even though he wasn’t in every scene you were, he did some additional scenes that you weren’t in. So both of you let out a groan when you sit in the chairs making you laugh, but also groan at your sides being sore and you laugh even more at how pathetic you sound.

After recovering, your brother asks, “You got any plans for tomorrow? Maybe we can catch up without fighting each other or filming life-threatening stunts?” You let out another chuckle, but hiss at your soreness before answering, “I’m available” So you decide where to meet for lunch and say goodbye for the night…

That evening while you take an ice bath you look over the texts you missed from Billie and Audrey as well as their Instagram stories to distract you from the biting cold.

You know it will help in the long run, but ice baths are the worst.

Both of them show off the private yacht with different selfies and videos on their stories. And one of the pictures shows them both standing next to the railing so you can see the beautiful scenery behind them. Audrey is tucked so perfectly into Billie’s side, resting a hand on the arm that isn’t wrapped around her waist to keep her close to the medium.

Billie faces Audrey and dips her head so the tips of their noses touch and both women unabashedly smile at each other.

While your chest pangs because you’ve never seen them look that happy with you around, you’re still emotionally spent from the day before and you feel too sore to overthink it.

They send you a text telling you goodnight and you tell them goodnight, but that’s basically all of the interaction you have. And you feel guilty for being relieved that more wasn’t said. And yet, you desire so much more…

When you see your brother dressed in casual clothes and cleaned up, he looks quite different. He must think the same thing because he teases, “Well, you clean up pretty nice, kid.” You roll your eyes and playfully retort, “You look…acceptable.”

At that time the waiter comes to get your orders and after they’re gone, you decide to not beat around the bush, asking,

“Ok…how upset is Mom about me not calling?”

He grins and jokes, “On a scale of one to ten, you almost at Michael’s level.” That makes you snort and reply with a dramatically innocent tone, “No way. I’m her favorite.”

This time he snorts and banters, “Yeah. Her favorite girl.” You mockingly laugh before sticking out your tongue.

After taking a sip of water, Asher says, “But really, I would call them. They’re used to Michael ignoring them. But you’ve never been this disconnected before.”

You do feel guilty about neglecting your parents. But the past couple months you’ve spent every waking moment getting to know Billie and Audrey. Well…that and you didn’t know how to explain your relationship without causing panic.

You nod in understanding and assure him, “I’ll call them.” Then you smile a little as you inquire, “Speaking of Mike, have you heard anything from him? Is he still in law school?”

Your brother lets out a sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose when he replies, “As far as I know. But I haven’t spoken with him for, hell, six months. So who knows”

The both of you continue to talk about Michael attending law school and Jared getting a master’s degree in business. At one point, your food comes, and you continue to converse about family and future gigs as you eat. However, when you finish off your meal, Asher says, “Don’t kill me, but do you really have a boyfriend? I won’t get upset or anything. I’m just curious.”

You would rather be truthful with him now than have him tell his assumptions to your parents. So you take a deep breath and reply, “I don’t have a boyfriend,” then you avert your eyes, wringing your hands under the table as you continue,

“But I…I have a girlfriend. Well…technically two girlfriends.”

Your whole-body burns, and you keep quiet, bracing yourself for the worst. However, he calmly says, “Hey squirt,” You look up to see him smiling and he soothes, “I’m not mad at you. That’s not something that I would necessarily do. But it’s your life and as long as no one’s getting hurt you can do whatever the hell you want.”

You’re both shocked and grateful he doesn’t harshly judge your decision and you let out a breath of relief before saying, “Oh thank god.” But you grow serious and plead, “Please don’t tell Mom and Dad—”

He chuckles and assures you, “My lips are sealed.” And you let yourself relax back into the chair, feeling like a weight is lifted off of your chest. Meanwhile your brother finishes off his water before asking, “What’s their names? I may know them.”

You bite your lip, but slowly answer, “It’s Billie Dean Howard and Audrey Tindall.” His eyes widen and he asks, “Like…the celebrities Billie Dean Howard and Audrey Tindall?”

You stiffen up again and slowly nod, nervous about where he’s going with this.

His next question is, “Weren’t they a couple already?”

You look down to your fidgeting hands and defend, “But they’ve welcomed me in.” When you do look back up, your brother frowns and his eyes look like your mother’s when she is about to cry. Then he says in a softer tone, “Y/n. That’s a publicity stunt.”

Your heart drops to your stomach and you recoil away from him while saying, “No. They—They’ve said they love me. And they even let me move into their home.” His eyes soften even more, and he gently speaks as if not wanting to startle a feral animal,

“When does their tv special premier with Audrey starring and Billie being the inspiration?”

Your eyes well up with tears and you whimper, “Next week.”

He pauses a moment before saying, “Having you around will draw attention. And in Hollywood, any publicity is good publicity.” Tears being to slip down your cheeks as you shake your head and deny, “No Asher. You don’t understand. They’ve been so loving and supportive. They wouldn’t do that to me.”

He holds out his hand and asks, “Aren’t they in Hawaii right now?”

You nod and say, “They had this planned 6 months ago before I met them. And I had work anyways.” He gestures for you to take his hand and your trembling hand does take his.

Then he gives it a small squeeze and murmurs, “Both women have millions of dollars to their name and you’re telling me there’s no way they could find a way for you to join them? Y/n, they managed to convince their old friend that’s more like an acquaintance to take them out on her private yacht.”

You want to cry and scream along with a whole range of other emotions at one time. Your tears begin to fall faster when you whimper, “But they told me they love me. They’ve told me things they haven’t told anyone else. They’ve always treated me well.”

You brother gently shushes you and lets go of your hand to give you a napkin to wipe your eyes with. Then he soothes, “I could be wrong. But this kind of thing happens all the time. It’s nothing personal and they probably did enjoy your company.”

A hiccup of a sob escapes you and you feel like you’re going to throw up as you can’t help but wonder if he really is right. You settle yourself before making too much of a scene in the restaurant and he murmurs, “I’m sorry, squirt. I didn’t mean to upset you like that. Maybe you should go to the source and ask.”

By now you’re filled with numbness and rejection as you dumbly nod.

Your brother pays the bill and when you get to your cars, he pulls you into a bearhug, murmuring, “I’m sorry, kid. But if you need anything at all and I mean anything, I’m just a text or phone call away.”

By now you feel on autopilot from shock and flatly answer, “Thanks.” Then you head to their home and the whole car ride you feel unnaturally calm as everything begins to make sense now.

You know you shouldn’t, but you do look at their Instagram stories partially out of curiosity and partially to hate-watch when you get home.

Billie’s comes up first and it’s a picture of Audrey asleep and cuddled under the covers. The medium added the text “My sleeping beauty” and Audrey does look beautiful with her hair tousled just right and her face perfectly relaxed.

The next segment is a boomerang showing the busyness of the marketplace.

Then she has a video that begins with her front facing camera as she takes a sip from a colorful cocktail. After she flips the camera so you can see Audrey sitting across from her. Billie slides the drink towards the middle of the table while saying, “Try this.”

Audrey’s eyes narrow a little, but she slowly slides the drink towards her and takes a cautious sip. Right away her eyes widen, and she takes another sip before saying, “This is delicious!” making Billie laugh.

The last thing in her story is a picture of their hands intertwined with each other on the beach.

Audrey’s story is next and begins with a video of her in front of a large mirror. You can see Billie’s reflection in the mirror as she finishes applying her lipstick. And when she straightens up Audrey looks to her and they share a brief kiss. The text with the video says, “A makeup tutorial for that freshly kissed look on your lips.”

The second thing is a photo of Audrey holding Billie’s hand from behind as the medium guides her through the bustling market.

Finally, there is a boomerang of her kissing Billie’s cheek while Billie’s designer sunglasses reflect the gorgeous sunset and her lips sport a proud smirk.

Your heart aches at seeing them so happy without you. And you get mad at yourself for taking some pleasure in seeing their faces. That’s when you see Audrey posted a photo.

The pair stands in front of the same mirror as the one in her video. But in this one, Audrey stands in the center and Billie is behind her, wrapping both of her arms around the actress’s waist to land on her middle. Audrey grins at their reflection while Billie looks to where she places a kiss in the crook of Audrey’s neck.

You look to the photo’s caption and read,

“After my darling girlfriend posted something so nice and thoughtful, I figured I would return the favor. Billie I’ve never met someone like you. I knew the moment we talked that we shared a special connection. And we still do. I’m so honored to portray you in your upcoming tv special. You’ve made me a better person and the connection we have is unmatched. I love you more than words can express, but I thought I would try to give you a glimpse of my adoration with these words. I love you, Billie Dean Howard.”

She’s never met someone like Billie…their connection is unmatched…oh god Asher was right. You are just a pawn in their game of chess to use when it’s convenient. You’re expendable.

A broken sob escapes your throat and you crumble to the kitchen floor wondering how you could be so stupid. Your phone lights up in your hand, so you pick it up and see in between tears it’s a text from Audrey. Just seeing her name makes you cry harder while also getting infuriated at being so used.

You open your messages to see she texted,

How’s LA holding up? Still smoggy? The sky is so clear here I swear we can see every star out there. It’s crazy to think we’re both under the same stars. 💖

You laugh as you continue to weep, thinking about Audrey texting you about the stars while you’re leaning against cabinet doors as support while you break down on the kitchen floor. Then you text back,

That is crazy. LA is still standing and covered in smog as usual.

After sending that you lean back against the cabinet doors, overwhelmed with small sobs and hiccups as the implications of their “love” settle over you.

Where would you even go? Your brother could help, but still. And what if they’re upset when you end things? They could ruin your career before it even begins.

Your fists roughly rub your eyes while you angrily mutter, “How could I be so stupid? I’m such an idiot. Two A-list celebrities interested in me? Get real.”

Your tearful monologue that’s broken up by sporadic sobs is interrupted by your phone lighting up. Against your better judgement you unlock your phone to see Billie texted this time asking,

Have you been keeping up with us on Instagram? There’s some pictures on there we didn’t text you.

This time your choked laugh turns into an anguished cry. You’re beyond words so you yell at the world, banging your fist into the cabinet door while you cry. But all that does is make your hand hurt and your throat sore. So you take a shuddering breath and shakily text back,

Of course. 😘 I’m glad to see you two so happy. It makes my heart happy. ❤️

By now you’ve made it back down to small hiccups and see Billie’s texted back,

You’re always so supportive. 🥰 We were talking about going out sometime next week to wherever you want. There may be paparazzi, but we’ll make sure to have security.

You can’t help but chuckle at how accurate your brother’s prediction really was. Then you mindlessly text back,

Sounds good. I hope you have a good rest of your vacation.

Audrey is the one who replies this time with

Thank you, darling. We’ll wish you a goodnight. Love you. 💕

You recoil at those last two words and your emotions rush back to the surface. So you quickly text back,

Love you too.

Even if it will compromise your future career you need to get out of here.

So you call your one life-line. Your brother answers in a groggy voice, “Hello?” You whimper, “Sorry for waking you up Ash. But I wondered if—”

However, your throat catches and you start to cry. You say between sniffs, “You were right about them. C-Could I stay with you for a couple nights?”

Your crying wakes him up and he calmly replies, “Of course. Y/n take a couple deep breaths. You’re hyperventilating.” It’s only then that you realize it. You take a couple deep,shuddering breaths and he says, “How about you pack up what you can and come over tonight?” You sniff and answer, “O-ok.” So he says he’ll see you in a little bit.

After saying goodbye, you pull out your suitcase and stuff your clothes and knickknacks scattered throughout the house. Then you put any remaining items into your duffle bag and backpack.

As you pass through the house and take specific clothing items of theirs out of your own wardrobe, you continue to cry and feel like your heart is being ripped apart.

Walking out of the door makes you feel a painful finality, but you don’t go back, loading up your car with all of your belongings and driving to your brother’s apartment…

You manage to bring everything in one trip and when you knock on the door, your brother opens to see your eyes that are swollen from crying and broken expression. Immediately he says, “Oh, y/n.” and you crumble into his outstretched arms, whimpering into his shirt, “I’m such an idiot.”

Asher rubs your back and soothes, “You’re not an idiot. I’ve made mistakes too. How about we get your stuff in here.”

Your brother helps you carry your stuff into the darkened apartment before leading you to sit on the couch. You were nervous that your brother would reprimand you or chastise you for acting so rash. But he holds you in his familiar bear hug and soothes, “It’s ok, kid. This isn’t your fault.” By the time you’re settled to small sniffles, you can’t hardly keep your eyes open.

He seems to notice and says, “I’ll tuck you in and we can talk about it later.” You’re shocked at his kindness once again as he pulls a blanket over you. Then he murmurs a soft goodnight and you fall asleep within seconds, too exhausted to care anymore about everything that’s happened…

The next day you’re awakened by the door shutting and your eyes feel raw and sensitive from yesterday when you open them to see it’s daylight out. The beaming sun makes you sit up to see your brother kicking off his shoes with a couple grocery bags and a case of your favorite soda.

When he turns to see you up, he gives you a smile and says, “Morning, squirt.” Your voice is hoarse from crying when you ask, “What time is it?”

He slides the case of soda into the fridge while answering, “Just past 11:00.” That makes your eyes widen and you admonish, “Why didn’t you wake me up?” Your brother closes the fridge and looks at you from the kitchen answering, “Y/n, you called me at 12 in the morning and by the time you actually were laid out on the couch it was nearly 2. And who knows how long you had been crying.”

Then he walks over with the grocery bags and tells you, “I got your favorite chips and cookies. Also, I thought I remembered you liking this candy and homemade popcorn.” As he sets the items down, your lip trembles so you bite down on it, overwhelmed at his kindness.

After calming down enough to speak you rasp, “Why are you doing all of this? I wouldn’t be upset if you left me alone. You don’t have to pamper me.”

He sits next to you and drapes and arm over your shoulders before tugging you close so your head leans on his shoulder as he replies, “Because you’re my little sis and you just had your heart broken.”

Then he pauses for a beat before teasing, “Also it was this or killing them and I can’t afford the plane ticket.”

That makes you exclaim his name and shrug his arm off of you before giving it a punch. Your brother holds up his hands in mock surrender and defends, “Kidding!” Then he rubs the place you punched him while grumbling, “You didn’t have to go all beast mode on me, Hulk. I’m still recovering from being practically body slammed into another dimension.”

You smirk in satisfaction but get distracted by the throbbing in your hand and look down to see your knuckles are swollen and have gnarly darkened bruises covering them. Asher looks too and comments, “Now I know that didn’t come from one punch. What did you do, Beat someone up?”

Your face burns at the memory and you mumble, “No. Last night, when I was crying…I punched a cabinet door…multiple times.”

Your brother tries to stifle his laughter but fails miserably and jokes, “If your hand looks this rough, I’d hate to see how beat up the door is.” You turn away to hide your grin and retort, “Shut up.” He continues to laugh when he stands up and tells you, “I’ll get an icepack. You pick out something to watch.”

While he’s rummaging around in the kitchen you turn on the tv and scroll through one of his streaming subscriptions. However, your search halts when you see your phone light up.

Before you can think your phone is in your hand and you see your group chat has 15 messages. So you open it to see they sent you some pictures before asking about you.

Maybe…Maybe they do ca—

Your brother cuts off your thoughts, asking, “Is that them?” You whip around in surprise and admit, “Yeah. They asked about my day.”

He comes around to the front of the couch and hands you the ice pack before sitting beside you and advising, “I wouldn’t respond.”

You must look skeptical because he explains, “Breakups are kind of like taking off band aids. While it’s painful to just rip it off in one go, the pain is gone much faster than trying to slowly peel it off.” It breaks your heart, but you know it’s the truth. So you set your phone to the side and pick out a movie, icing your hand while eating your favorite snacks…

“Billie, she still hasn’t answered any of our texts or calls.”

If the medium had a cigarette she would be smoking it. Hell, she’d probably be through most of the pack by now. Instead she chomps on multiple pieces of mint flavored gum while pacing the room.

Audrey’s words make her pause and she theorizes, “Maybe she’s just really busy.” The actress half-heartedly agrees, but both women don’t believe that’s the case.

As a last-ditch effort, Audrey picks up her phone and says, “I’ll call her one more time.” As expected, it goes to your voicemail so she pleads, “Y/n, darling, if you could give us a call, we would appreciate it. Billie and I are worried about you not responding. So, if you could call or text either one of us that would be great. Love you.”

Those last words make you whimper when you hear them on your voicemail. Asher had gone to bed an hour ago and while you had promised you would ignore their call, you made the mistake of listening to their voicemails.

After listening to Audrey’s, you tap on Billie’s voicemail from earlier and hear her say, “Babygirl, I don’t know if you’ve been busy, but Audrey and I are concerned about you. If you get a chance to call us that would put our minds at ease. We love you and miss you so much.”

Maybe you were wrong…Your heart feels torn between your girlfriends’ words and your brother’s words. You just need some time to think. You’re already moved out anyways.

The next day your brother convinces you to spend the afternoon at Venice Beach for a little distraction. So you eat a late lunch and casually browse the local shops before ending up at the beach to watch the sunset.

On the other hand, Billie and Audrey have to take a taxi from the airport to their home and feel flabbergasted at your behavior. You seemed so happy earlier this week. Now it’s like you’ve dropped off the face of the world.

But the women go into a full-blown panic when they don’t see you or any of your personal items. This time Billie does have a cigarette to smoke and Audrey weeps while texting you,

Y/n please text us. All of your stuff is gone, and we have no idea why. We just want to talk so we can understand what changed.

You read the message to your brother and he admits, “I mean, it is true. But do you feel in a healthy place to talk to them?” You know you probably shouldn’t, but in your heart, you do want to talk to them.

So you nod and mutter, “I’m sorry.” Asher shakes his head and assures you, “Don’t be, squirt. This may bring more closure to the whole thing.” So you take a deep breath before texting back, “Ok. What time should I come over?”

Audrey lets out a sob of relief and exclaims, “Bill! She said she’ll come over!” The medium rushes over to read the text to confirm it’s real and not just a figment of their desperation. Then she takes the cigarette out of her mouth and suggests, “Say noon and we can have lunch together.”

So they ask you over for lunch and you agree, feeling a little excited to see them. At the same time, you feel nervous about confronting them, but you know they deserve an explanation…

The next morning you fix your hair in the mirror, trying to conceal your trembling hands from your brother. Fortunately, he’s occupied with the video game he plays. So you pick up your purse while stating, “I’m heading out.”

That makes him pause the game and he looks over to you when he encourages, “You’ve got this, y/n. And if you need me, I’m a phone call away.” You thank him with a small smile and walk to your car, getting in and starting to drive before you talk yourself out of going.

By the time you pull into their driveway, you feel physically ill. There is no way you can eat anything. Your whole-body trembles as you walk up to the door and you want to run away more than anything. But you press the doorbell and know you need to deal with this in order to move on.

Billie is the one to answer and if there is a perfect type of suntan, Billie has it in addition to the natural highlights in her hair from vacation. She gives you a polite smile and says, “Hello, honey.”

Right away you want to fall to your knees and beg for forgiveness. But you make yourself keep standing and stutter, “H-hi.”

The medium lets you in and murmurs, “Audrey’s in the kitchen.” You cross your arms over your chest, feeling like the space you had gotten used to living in is foreign. Billie leads you to the kitchen where you see Audrey sitting at the table.

The actress is decent enough to give you a half smile, but the tension in the room is thick enough to cut with a knife. You try to be amiable and say, “Hello.”

Her eyes are shadowed when she replies, “Hi.” In the higher tone she uses when she’s annoyed but has to keep face.

You flinch at the tone and look to the floor, your shoulders slumping forward and you cross your arms even tighter. Billie attempts to smooth things over when suggesting, “Well lunch is ready to eat—”

But you cut her off by saying, “Can we talk? I mean…I don’t think I can make myself eat right now and I-I think I should explain things.”

Audrey scoffs and Billie walks over to her while gently warning, “Audrey,”

But the actress looks at you with her bottom lip trembling as she says, “Maybe you could enlighten us as to why you just stopped responding to our texts and calls. Or how you left us stranded at the airport. Do you even realize how much we care about you? The whole time we were worried if something happened to you. And you couldn’t just respond to us once?”

By now your fists are clenched by your sides and your nostrils flare as you fire back, “Oh, I’m sorry I wasn’t at your beck and call us usual. Maybe I realized what I really am to you both.”

Billie’s brows furrow and she asks, “What are you talking about?”

That makes your body steam with anger and you let out a humorless laugh before retorting, “You don’t need to keep up the act anymore. My brother told me all about what this is. All I am is some publicity stunt to promote your own careers and I was stupid enough to fall for it hook, line, and sinker!”

Audrey goes to speak, but now you are heated, and tears begin to fall out of your eyes as you yell, “I loved you! I trusted you and gave my heart to you entirely! And what do I get? Seeing my girlfriends living it up on some private beach. I saw your Instagram posts. Every single one.”

Then you look to Billie and continue, “I saw your post about Audrey being the best partner you’ve ever had!”

Then you look to Audrey and have to lower your voice so it’s less hoarse, but keep aggressive when you say, “I saw your post too. Including the description of your connection being unmatched. I saw every fucking thing.”

“I wanted to be the chill girlfriend who couldn’t be bothered. But it turns out I’m a dumb ass who would never even have a chance to be your girlfriend in the first place!”

The room goes quiet except for Audrey’s sniffing and your own from crying. Billie wipes away a stray tear with her thumb as the actress whimpers, “Y/n, others may do different things for publicity. But I swear on everything that’s not what you are to us. We love you so much.”

Then Billie says, “We regret not bringing you with us. That was unfair to put you in that position and I’m sorry your brother saw the problem with that before we did. Audrey is right though. We love you so much. If you could give us a second chance, I know we could learn from this and have an even closer relationship. But if you don’t want to, we’ll understand too.”

You have never, ever seen them this emotional and there’s no way this reaction could be ingenuine. You may not know all about them, but you do know those are expressions of heartbreak. And if this really was a publicity stunt, surely they would have let you walk out by now. But you need to make sure.

Your eyes brim with tears and you rasp, “Y-you promise this isn’t a publicity thing? I’m not being used?”

Immediately Audrey shakes her head and assures you, “No. We would never ever do that to you, y/n. Everything we have said or done with you is always genuine.” Your lips tremble as you look between them and you pause for a moment.

But you know what your heart wants. So you run over to them.

Immediately both women wrap their arms around you to hug you close and you cry, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

Both women shush your apologies and one of them presses a comforting kiss to your temple while the other keeps you from collapsing in their arms. Then Billie soothes, “You don’t need to apologize, babygirl.”

Just being in their embrace provides a comfort that you have pined for since they left. The sense of safety and comfort flows through their touch and permeates to your core.

They hold you close and murmur soothing words of their own apologies while you calm back down. After waiting a couple minutes from the time you only make small sniffles, Audrey slowly asks, “Does this mean we can have a group cuddle session on the couch now?”

Her suggestion makes you smile against Billie’s blouse which feels wonderfully smooth against your face and you nod in agreement. So each woman moves to take one of your hands and you walk to the living room.

Once there, Billie pulls out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Audrey gives her a look, but Billie puts one in her mouth, so she sounds funny keeping the cigarette in between her teeth while saying, “Listen. I’ve earned this cigarette.”

The actress can’t deny that, so she keeps quiet as Billie lights up the cigarette.

After taking a long drag, the medium lets out a sigh and visibly relaxes, rolling her shoulders back and stretching her neck. Then she brings over an ashtray and places it on the side table closest to her. Meanwhile Audrey sits towards the middle of the couch.

You sit next to her and Billie sits on your other side and the end of the couch. Once all 3 of you are seated, Billie takes the cigarette out of her mouth and purrs with a warm smile, “Come here you two.”

You snuggle up into her side so you practically sit on her lap, not bothered by the smoky scent. Then Audrey scoots close to you and wraps her arms around your middle to get even closer before burying her nose into the soft juncture between your head and shoulder to inhale your distinct scent.

The medium chuckles at how close you are when you have a whole couch to spread out on while letting out a puff of smoke. But she loves it, asking, “Feel cozy, darling?”

You nod and answer, “Yeah.” Honestly you forgot how nice this is, but your body has the muscle memory and like riding a bike you easily adjust and melt into them.

After a moment, Audrey cautiously asks, “Would you be upset if we watched some tv, love?”

It sounds nice to be distracted from your rollercoaster of emotions for a little bit, so you tell her it’s okay and she turns it to some home improvement show. Before long, she’s providing a running commentary about the design choices and things begin to feel like before.

You didn’t know this was possible, but you manage to melt into them even more, practically purring at being so cozy between their warm, inviting bodies. After she finishes off her cigarette, Billie uses her free hand to gently scratch the base of your neck, taking care to not get her fingers tangled in your hair. The sensation makes you feel all warm and tingly and you look to the medium’s honey eyes, hoping she can see how good you feel.

The medium gives you a knowing smile and softly asks, “Do you feel better, sweetheart?” You nod, looking down to conceal your demure smile while Audrey scoffs and mutters, “I can’t believe they went with a galley kitchen when they have plenty of room for an open concept. That would have looked so much better.”

Billie shares a smile with you about Audrey’s reactions. Meanwhile the actress has her feet propped up on the plush ottoman in front of the couch and leans against you, mindlessly brushing her fingers up and down the top of your thigh.

Your phone vibrates in your pocket, so you move to pull it out to see it’s your brother. His text message says, “You ok, squirt?”

Billie takes the opportunity to lightly nibble on your earlobe. You let out a giggle at the feeling and duck away, but don’t go too far. The medium chuckles and asks, “Do you feel ok, babygirl?” You look over her face and don’t feel any of the earlier insecurities you had earlier. So you answer, “I do.”

Then you bite your lip unsure how to phrase it. But you try to, starting, “I want to apologize about earlier. I was being insecure and didn’t consider you both—”

“If you start apologizing one more time, I will give you something to occupy your mouth.” Audrey warns, cutting you off. That makes you turn to see the actress’s attempt at a serious expression although her lips twitch in an attempt to keep from smiling.

You decide to play along, raising your eyebrows when you tease, “You honestly think you could top me again?”

That makes her eyes widen and she replies more as a question, “Yes?”

Billie chuckles from the other side and murmurs, “Oh Audrey, I think we’ve got ourselves a switch.” Her cheeks turn bright red and she bites her lip.

You grin and look down to your phone, texting back, “I’m good. We talked and worked things out. I’ll come over tomorrow to explain. Thank you for everything.” Then you tuck your phone back into your pocket and look to Audrey again.

Once you look down at her face you joke, “It’s ok, honey. You’ll only have to submit to both of us sometimes.”

Her mouth gapes while Billie laughs and murmurs, “I like this idea. What about you, Audrey? You think you can handle submitting to 2 women?” The actress lets out a small whimper and nods, clearly turned on by the idea. You smile at her reaction while Billie purrs, “I missed you so much, babygirl. And I think these next couple weeks will be a good time for us to become…reacquainted.”

Now your cheeks warm and you can’t help but smile when you look between their beaming faces. Then Audrey says, “Listen, I hate to ruin the mood, but I am absolutely famished. So could we order some pizza? I desperately need some greasy, American comfort food.”

The comment causes you to snort while the medium assures her, “I’ll order some pizza.” Before you can even think about it, you blurt out,

“I love you both.”

For a moment, all 3 of you go quiet and you wonder if you made a mistake. However, Audrey comes up to your face and gives you a kiss before murmuring, “I love you too, darling.”

Then Billie places one of her fingers under your chin to guide you to face her so she can kiss you. After lingering for a couple seconds, Billie parts and whispers, “I love you too. We love you so much, y/n.”

You bite your lower lip and it is nice to feel your cheeks tight from smiling instead of so many shed tears. The medium shifts so she can see both you and Audrey when she tells you, “Just give me a minute and I’ll have two pizzas on the way with your favorite toppings for my special girls.”

Without planning it, you and Audrey say thank you at the same time, making you both laugh. Billie lets out a sound of amusement while she scrolls through her phone. Once she finds the number, the medium stands up and says, “I’ll be back.” Then she steps into the kitchen to call for the pizza.

You hear her talking smoothly to the person taking your order. However after she hangs up, Billie peeks her head out and asks, “Hypothetically of course…if salad was left out for, say, nearly 5 hours would that still be good?”

You both laugh, only now remembering the intention to eat lunch and you reply, “Unfortunately, the salad is at the point of no return. Hypothetically of course.”

Billie grins and says, “Well the pizza is on the way, so we won’t be without food.” Then she disappears and you hear something being thrown away. Audrey giggles next to you, making you grin and while things aren’t perfect, there is no other place you would rather be.

Let me know if you would like to be tagged in later works!

#AHS #ahs imagine #ahs fanfic #ahs murder house #ahs apocalypse #ahs roanoke #ahs billie dean howard #billie dean howard #billie dean howard imagine #Billie x Reader x Audrey #ahs audrey tindall #audrey tindall #audrey tindall imagine #audrey tindall x reader #billie dean howard x audrey tindall #ahs sarah paulson

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