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#and its been great. i've had a lot more honest and eye-opening conversations about my insecurities regarding it
pennyserenade · 8 months
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hispanic heritage month is coming up and i just want to say this: for all of those out there who feel they aren't latino enough or that you're constantly failing at balancing identities like american and mexican or whatever, you're not. you owe no one anything and trying to satisfy some unattainable level of latino-ness is going to make you despise it. believe it or not you were born latino and so you'll always be latino. you should be proud because you come from a lot of brilliant people and no one can kick you out because this isn't a club you join. you are latino in any way you chose to be latino and i hope you find as much joy as you can in that fact (because it is pretty fucking cool). celebrate this month freely and happily because its yours too
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regressionschool · 7 months
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In the cheerful classroom of the regression school, Naomi stood next to her classmate, Lisa. They chatted animatedly about their experiences, giggling like old friends. Naomi couldn't help but share her enthusiasm for pacifiers.
"You know," Naomi whispered with a playful grin, "pacifiers really are the best. They make everything feel so cozy and safe!"
Lisa nodded in agreement, her eyes sparkling with shared excitement. "I totally get what you mean! It's like having a little piece of comfort with you all the time."
Just as their conversation was reaching its peak, a resonant gong echoed through the classroom. Naomi and Lisa instinctively lifted their skirts in unison, revealing their undergarments. Naomi's eyes fell on her own pink princess pull-up, its wetness indicator still pristine, signaling that she was dry.
Lisa's diaper, on the other hand, was clearly soggy. The stark white surface bore the telltale signs of recent wetting.
Naomi glanced over at Lisa's well-used diaper, her curiosity piqued. She leaned in a little closer, speaking in a hushed tone.
"Hey, Lisa. I noticed your diaper looks, um, pretty well-loved," Naomi said with a friendly smile.
Lisa blushed slightly but met Naomi's gaze with a warm expression. "Yeah, it's been a busy morning," she admitted, her voice tinged with a hint of amusement. "But honestly, it's not so bad once you get used to it. Plus, it's kind of a relief not having to worry about finding a bathroom all the time."
Naomi couldn't hide her curiosity and amusement. "I guess that does sound nice. But don't you ever feel self-conscious about it, especially when it's all used?"
Lisa shrugged, her shoulders relaxed. "Not really. Every girl here uses her padding at one point, so it's no big deal. It's actually pretty liberating."
Naomi blinked in surprise, realizing that her own experience was quite different. "I've never actually wet my pull-up," she confessed, a touch of uncertainty in her voice.
Lisa blinked in surprise. "You've never wet your pull-up?" She whispered incredulously, glancing down at her soggy diaper.
Naomi nodded, feeling a mix of pride and slight embarrassment. "Yeah, I mean, I guess it's just... not something that's happened yet."
Lisa's eyes widened in astonishment. "Wow, that's impressive. You must have really good control."
Naomi chuckled nervously. "I guess so. It just feels... strange to let go like that, you know?"
Lisa nodded understandingly. "I get it. It did feel weird at first, but after a while, it becomes kind of second nature. And to be honest, wetting your diaper feels kind of nice."
Naomi considered Lisa's words. It was hard to imagine reaching a point where using a diaper felt normal. But then again, she was in a regression school now, and normal had taken on a whole new meaning.
"So, how did you get used to it?" Naomi asked, genuinely curious.
Lisa thought for a moment, a thoughtful expression on her face. "Well, I started by using it when I really needed to go, like when I couldn't hold it anymore. And then, gradually, I got more comfortable with it. It became less of a big deal."
"Thanks, Lisa. That actually makes a lot of sense," Naomi replied, a newfound determination in her eyes. "Maybe I'll give it a try, see how it feels."
Lisa beamed at Naomi, clearly pleased to have been of help. "That's great!"
Encouraged by Lisa's words, Naomi took a deep breath. She closed her eyes for a moment, focusing on the sensation, letting go of any lingering reservations. Slowly, she felt the pull-up grow warm,  knowing that the wetness indicator was fading as she did so.
When she opened her eyes, a mix of surprise and triumph danced in her gaze. "I did it, Lisa!"
Lisa clapped her hands with genuine excitement. "That's fantastic, Naomi! See? It's not so bad, right?"
Naomi couldn't help but grin. "You're right, it's not. Thanks for encouraging me, Lisa. This feels like a step towards embracing all of this."
As Naomi and Lisa continued their conversation, the teacher was making their way through the classroom, systematically checking each student in the class. With a friendly smile, the teacher approached the two friends.
Naomi blushed slightly, feeling a mix of embarrassment and anticipation as she realized the teacher's presence. The teacher knelt down, examining both of them closely. A sense of pride and emberassment washed over Naomi as the teacher nodded in approval. "Good job wetting, girls," the teacher praised them warmly. " Now, it's time for a change."
With that, the teacher sent Naomi and Lisa off to the changing area. As they walked together, there was a shared sense of accomplishment. Naomi felt like she was taking steps toward embracing her new reality, with the support of her friend Lisa and their encouraging teacher.
In the changing area, they would receive fresh padding, but Naomi would carry with her the knowledge that she was progressing in her journey through the regression school, one step at a time.
The art is property of Rocketmanatee
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duckugou · 3 years
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golden
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Kenma x GN!reader
Im trying to stray away from my comfort zone of just writing readers that use she/her so bear with me
sorry if this lowkey sucks but it was inspired by harry styles song golden
cw: big cursing, huge fluff, strangers to friends to lovers, comfort, aged up!
come to my asks to be a part of my taglist! just let me know what kinds of fics/ what fandom/ what characters/ etc you want to be tagged in!
Requests are open!!
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Being a streamer comes with perks. Being comfy at home, not having to face people in real life every day, playing games, typical shit. Another perk is making good friends.
Meeting people on a voice chat is common for Kenma -guys and gals alike. What he wasnt expecting one night was the sweetest voice on the other end of his headphones.
"You're all fucks- I'm better at this game than all of you combined. Try me."
To think that was the sentence that made Kenma's ears perk up and burn.
"What the hell ever- we have the great Kodzuken on our side." One of the guys said, half joking half dead serious.
"Oh yeah, he isn't even speaking up to defend your pussy asses- probably knows I could beat him too." You could hear the smirk in that last part.
"U-uh, no. You can't beat me. Nobody can actually. Not at this game." Kenma rebutted , confident in his gaming skills but not so much his speaking skills to this stranger.
"Oh man, you certainly sound confident. Come on, Kodzuken- 1v1 me then. Show me who the best really is."
Kenma suddenly felt nervous. Should he really demolish this stranger? Isn't it polite to let the person you like win? He didn't like this person yet but god their voice was attractive.
"Fine. Send the request." He decided.
"Sent, fucker."
The game resulted in a tie because this stranger actually knew what they were doing. They both threw friendly insults at each other the whole time of course, making each of them laugh a little.
"Okay fine. The great Kodzuken himself almost beat me. Im almost honored to have a great streamer almost beat me."
"Well you almost beat me too- uh-" Kenma stuttered over the fact that he didn't know how to address this stranger.
"Oh! Call me Y/n." The person giggled.
"You can uh, call me Kenma."
"Oh you don't want me to repeat your title over and over like everyone else?" They laughed.
"No, friends don't call me that. They use my name name." His ears were burning.
"Friends, huh? Guess that means you owe me your number so we can schedule a rematch where I can properly beat your ass."
"Huh, guess so."
A few months had gone by and Y/n and Kenma were as close as they could be. They found out they live close by each other and began hanging out a lot.
Y/n would be in the back of his streams on occasion and wouldn't hesitate to speak up during them. Thats the thing about Y/n. They've always been so outspoken. Since the start. Everything they talk about comes so easy to Y/n. Nothing is held back. Kenma knows everything about them. He on the other hand is still a bit closed off. Quiet. The two are so opposite yet so alike. Kenma doesn't speak much about himself, opting to listen.
Especially when talking about past relationships.
One night, they were sat in Kenmas room in separate chairs, letting conversations flow.
"So, you've dated but why have the relationships ended?" Y/n asked.
"Ah, I dont know- its not important. Why did yours end?" Kenma flipped the question as he always does.
"One guy cheated," Y/n tossed a piece of popcorn in the air, missing their mouth and brushing it off. "One girl left because she was leaving for school, and one guy just didn't mesh with me. Your turn." Y/n pushed the question back.
"Uh- well. I don't click with people easily. I'm pretty closed off so when I date it usually ends in hurt feelings by accident or they get sick of me." Kenma finally admitted.
"Huh." Y/n flopped onto their stomach on the bed after setting down the popcorn. "Don't you like anyone though? Like- if you liked someone enough, do you think you would give opening up a shot?"
"I mean I guess. Nobody ever takes the time to...pry me open." That got a laugh out of Y/n. Good. "But yeah I do like someone."
Sitting up suddenly, Y/n became visibly excited.
"TELL ME WHO."
"No god no- it isnt important." Kenmas ears burned again.
"Come onnnnn. Its gotta be someone big time cool to earn your heart. I have to approve."
Y/n pulled Kenma from his chair to the bed, not letting go of his hand as he sat down.
"Theyre very cool- and very sweet. Understanding. Someone who stands up for me and makes me comfortable-" Kenma began gushing.
"Do I know them?" Y/n interrupted.
"Y-yeah. You sure do." Kenma scratched the back of his neck.
"Oooh ok, a guessing game. Describe them more- their looks!" Y/n held his hand tighter, bouncing up and down with excitement.
"Well- ok." Kenma took a deep breath and decided he could be vague enough. "Theyre short. As short if not shorter than me. Competitive. Very cute smile-"
"TOO VAGUE give me the JUICY DETAILS" Y/n pushed.
"They uh- they have..pretty eyes." He was staring at this point, eyes wandering around Y/ns face to find more things to describe. "cute nose too I guess. Squishy cheeks. Glasse-"
"WHO THE HELL IS IT KENMA- its starting to sound like youre describing me." Y/n laughed.
"No- I'm totally not!" Kenma rushed.
"Tell this person you like them. You look so happy when you talk about them. Its kind of sickening."
"I can't just do that." Kenma stated flatly.
"Yeah you can."
"No-"
"DO ITTTT. Nothing to be scared of- it's CUTE. They would be dumb to not like you."
Kenma sighed, knowing he couldn't tell Y/n the truth about who he liked. What does he usually do when he's put in a corner like this? Oh thats right-
"Who do you like then Y/n?" He asked, proud of himself for deflecting again.
"Oh thats easy. You." Y/n said, letting go of his hand and laying back on the bed, leaving Kenma sitting up and stunned.
"What? No I mean a crush idiot. Who do you liiikkkeee?" Kenma pushed, hoping he didn't hear Y/n wrong.
"You, Kenma. I've had a crush since our first tie in a game. Thought that was obvious-"
Kenma flopped back on the bed as well. The both of them looking at each other.
"Oh. My person is uh... really... open and honest." Kenma said quietly.
"Is that why you wont tell them?" Y/n asked just as hushed.
"Yeah... what if right now they say yes but then their feelings change one day? That would hurt so bad. Worse than not telling them ever." He whispered.
There was silence. They knew what they both just admitted. Kenmas heart started racing. This might've fucked everything up. He might lose them. But they like him too so why is he so scared?
Y/n held his hand again.
"I know that youre scared because I'm so open...but hey... If you wanna give it a try..." Y/n whispered, scared about whether or not their honesty fucked them over.
"You might be right this time Y/n." Kenma whispered.
The space between them was closed due to both of them being drawn together like magnets in that moment. A sweet kiss.
"Let's try it then. I'll work on... being more open if you'd like." Kenma said.
"Kenma. I dont want you to change one bit. I like you the way you are."
Acceptance. It was the best thing Kenma has ever felt.
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amaya-chwan · 3 years
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Takeaways from Therapy Game Restart 14 + Illustration Book Release Date
Hello again everyone! ❤️💛💜
It's finally here... chapter 14! In all its glory! 😍🥰✨
Before we get to our takeaways, just some news I missed in the last post!
🎉 SENSEI'S ILLUSTRATION BOOK WILL BE RELEASED AROUND THURSDAY, 23RD SEPTEMBER! 🎉
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Image taken from this Twitter post from Dear+!
It is titled "日ノ原巡イラスト集 DARLING" and boasts a collection of illustrations from Sensei's works so far: Secret XXX, Therapy Game, and Kamisama no Uroko.
The current price is ¥2970 with tax (¥2700 without tax). If you'd like to preorder it on your proxy shopping service, I've found it on the Comi Comi Studios website here! The bonus for purchasing it on this website is a B5 clear file~ I haven't seen it on Animate just yet, so fingers crossed it'll appear on their website soon with another (different) bonus! ❤️💛
Alright, with this amazing news done, let's move onto our takeaways, the long awaited takeaways! Thank you for being so patient with me! 💜
My short life update: currently in week 8 of lockdown and I haven't left my house in a long time other than for exercise or groceries. But I do have my vaccination appointment booked so YAY! 🎉
Here are our takeaways for this chapter:
Oh man, we pick right up from the last page of chapter 13. MINATO, BB, YOU LOOK SO PAINED! 😭
Sensei is the BIGGEST tease... that's all we got of that Minato and Shizuma scene...👀😭
The female staff at the veterinary hospital have really mellowed out! They're not bad, after all. ☺️
Oh dear, Nakajou-sensei, please get better ASAP!
Whoa... did Onodera just...?? I'm starting to think back to that Onodera discussion we had a couple of months ago... 🤔
Poor Shizuma, always roped into Onodera's workplace stuff! IT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVE GREAT PEOPLE SKILLS, SHIZUMA! PROUD OF YOU! 😍🙌
Man, Onodera has a really... blunt way of saying things to her human clients. Wow, brave. 😲
But I will say, Onodera really is good with animals. 🙌
Yet again, I think about that Onodera discussion we had... 🤔🤔
And that’s it for this chapter’s takeaways! For a more detailed breakdown/summary of this chapter, please continue after the cut! There may or may not be a surprise scene (or two) there. Please keep reading if you want to see~  😉✨
Our chapter begins where we left off in chapter 13--Minato pinning Shizuma down on the bed. Shizuma looks up at Minato and reflects on his actions that caused the pained look he is seeing.
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Image taken from this Dear+ Twitter post!
On the next page (title page), the dialogue reads: Shizuma wants to understand what it is about his director (Onodera) that is making Minato uneasy. // However, that beautiful liar hides it well...
(I believe we are taken back to the morning before Shizuma and Minato meet up for their date.)
The title page features Onodera walking back to the clinic, bread in hand, with a cat cozying up on her leg. We are then brought to the clinic's lunchroom, with the female staff and Shizuma on break. The roster in the room shows that Onodera is extremely busy, Nakajou-sensei has afternoon house call appointments, Tatsumi is Nakajou-sensei's support for these appointments, and Shizuma has a half day and finishes in the afternoon in lieu of working on his scheduled day off.
Shizuma asks his coworkers what presents they like from their partners and takes note of their answers. One of the female nurses asks if it's Minato's birthday. Shizuma confesses that their relationship has been affected by the various things happening lately, so he wants to get Minato a gift before seeing him later that day.
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The nurses quickly pick up that the gift is a "tribute" of sorts as this line of work means a lot of missed appointments and dates, and Shizuma confirms their suspicions. While the nurses realise male-male relationships and male-female relationships aren't that different in this aspect, everyone in the lunchroom is alerted to someone shouting Nakajou-sensei's name.
Shizuma and a nurse see Tatsumi with Nakajou-sensei, who has collapsed on the floor. While the staff are concerned about Nakajou's well-being, she brushes it off as a dizzy spell. Before they can help her up, Onodera sweeps her off her feet and carries Nakajou to her (Onodera's) office. While Nakajou asks Onodera to put her down out of sheer embarrassment, Shizuma and Tatsumi are in shock, with Tatsumi commenting on Onodera's manliness in that moment. One of the other nurses gently smacks Shizuma's shoulder and tells the two to grab a blanket and a drink for Nakajou.
In her office, Onodera asks Nakajou why she's been overworking herself to the point of collapsing. The nurse (who gave the gentle smack) very obviously hints to Onodera that it is her fault. As Nakajou calms the nurse by saying that's just how the director is, Tatsumi asks Nakajou about their afternoon appointments. She says she'll be fine to go after a little rest, but the nurse says she mustn't overexert herself.
After a few back and forths about who should go and the clients' needs/personality (picky about the vet, had a pet that doesn't like men, etc), Onodera says she will go. The nurses are shocked and reminisce about all the issues they've had when Onodera interacts with the owners. Tatsumi and Shizuma stand there, and can very clearly imagine those situations happening.
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While Onodera rearranges and informs the nurses of the shift changes to accommodate Nakajou-sensei, Shizuma has a terrible premonition that unfortunately comes true: he is appointed as Onodera's support for the afternoon house calls.
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Wearing a sulky expression, Shizuma packs the necessary equipment in Onodera's car and reminds her that he has a very important engagement that night that he cannot miss, and as such will leave immediately after the house call appointments are done. Onodera bursts his bubble, and tells him to give up on those plans while he can since this is the line of work he's chosen.
As Shizuma reads the client files, he questions Onodera on why he is her support when he's never attended to these clients before. While Onodera tells him that good coordination is important with a physician's support and that he's the only one she can rely on to give her an honest opinion and calm the clients, Shizuma realises that he's basically the mediator between her and the owners. She confirms that this is his strong point, has great expectations for him, and proceeds to drive. Shizuma then reads the patient files at lightning speed, realising there's a threatening 'something' that Minato has sensed, but that's just how the director is. He then vows to make it to their meeting tonight, no matter what.
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The first three house calls, as expected, involve Onodera insulting and angering the owners--Onodera tells the first client that his insistence on seeing Nakajou rather than a 'young' director is having a negative effect on his pet who needs immediate medical care; Onodera offends the second client, inferring from their conversation that her pet's appearance is more important than the need to shave their fur and get an ultrasound done; Onodera accuses the third client of being irresponsible in caring for his exotic animals and asks for more effort on his part. In all three scenarios, Shizuma awkwardly smiles while trying to ease the tension.
The scene skips to Onodera and Shizuma arriving at their fourth and final house call for the day. Just as Onodera explains to Shizuma that she must check a whole host of things at house calls (and indirectly be too blunt about it with the owners), Shizuma asks her to consider the owner's feelings and change when and how she says things. She glares ahead in silence, and Shizuma is just glad that she is now aware of it. He again reminds her to talk with the owner nicely and gently as he probably won't be able to help with the next client as their pet dislikes men. Onodera tells him to just sit in the corner and witness the client become furious while he doesn't help, making him feel slightly guilty for saying that. He is now adament on not helping her.
They reach the owner's home and we meet an elderly woman named Shiratori and her 9-year-old male cat, Tono. Shiratori apologises to Shizuma as her cat doesn't like men. Tono hisses at them as Onodera opens his cage, but is then coaxed into submission by Onodera who covers his vision with a towel and takes him into her lap to calm down. Shiratori and Shizuma are surprised at his sudden docile nature, with Shizuma witnessing how well she deals with animals.
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As Shizuma looks on at Onodera while she completes a check on Tono, he sees she is crumbling at the friendliness and talkative nature of Shiratori, who sings nothing but praise for Onodera and how her family must be proud to have such an amazing daughter. Aiming to ease her troubles and remembering the earlier guilt-trip she gave him, he redirects Shiratori's attention to her broken fly screen and offers to fix that plus everything else that needs repair in her home.
Onodera watches as the two leave the room for a bit before apologising to Tono for ignoring him. Tono looks on at Onodera happily while she asks him how he can live with such a lively human and to tell her his secret to this. She brings him into her arms once more to check his limbs, and as Tono looks up smiling at Onodera, Onodera sees her reflection in Tono's eyes, and both seem to realise something.
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BG Text: Stare...
Suddenly, Shizuma and Shiratori, who are busy fixing the window, hear a loud crash and rush into the room to find Tono atop the cabinet and Onodera on the floor, with her hair in disarray. In the next panel, Tono is shown to be hiding in the bookshelf, looking on irritatingly at the humans. Shiratori apologises to Onodera, who shakes it off and says it's nothing to worry about and no harm's been done.
Shiratori asks if Onodera will fix/tie her hair up again, but when Onodera says her hair tie was broken when Tono used her as a launchpad to get on the cabinet, Shiratori runs to get her a new one. As Shiratori gushes over the 3 piece dopey looking character hair tie set she received as a present from her grandchild (and lets Onodera pick one), a greatly displeased look is plastered on Onodera's face. Shizuma, in shock, notices her displeasure and hopes she just thanks Shiratori for it. And Onodera does, bringing a great big smile to Shiratori's face.
As Onodera and Shizuma leave, Shiratori says she's glad to have talked with Onodera and invites her to come over again. As she says this, we see Onodera looking back with a blank look in her eyes.
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And that’s it for this chapter! THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR! 💜 While I was surprised at the lack of Minato in this chapter (Sensei legit is such a tease, LOL 🤣), I'm happy we can learn more about Onodera. Ngl, I'm starting to really question if Onodera is male or female now, given what transpired in this chapter. I guess we shall see in the next one!
I also changed the formatting a bit and removed the bullet points. Please let me know which format is better/easier to read! Ahah!
EDIT: Spelling and grammar checks are done! Didn't change a lot, but hope it reads better! 💜
📢 As always, please support Hinohara-sensei by purchasing her books and CDs! 📢
And please also refrain from resharing these translations and images outside of this post! Thank you for understanding! ❤️💛
There won't be a chapter in next month's (September release) Dear+, so I shall see you in two months for the next chapter (Dear+ November Issue, to be released in October).
As always, stay safe during these turbulent times and look out for each other and for your loved ones! 💜❤️💛
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cocosstories · 3 years
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Pete Davidson One Shot
pete meets your family
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"Don't worry so much, they are going to love you Pete."
You pull into your parents driveway and take your boyfriend Pete's hand, which was shaking and a bit clammy.
"Yeah, sure, some tall skinny, pasty white dude covered in tattoos."
He says off handedly as he looks off towards your family home.
"They watch the show babe, they know who you are. My mom thinks you're hilarious. Everything is going to be fine."
You say and then get out of the car. Pete follows a second later, holding your hand as you walk up to the door and read the doorbell.
"My baby is home! Honey, Y/N is here!"
Your mom opens the door and gives you a big hug, calling out for your father who joins you from the other room a second later.
"Mom, Dad, this is Pete. Pete, these are my parents, Y/M/N and Y/D/N."
You introduce everyone before your dad shakes Pete's hand and your mom gives him a hug.
"It is so nice to finally meet you! Y/N has told us so much about you and of course, we love you on Saturday Night Live. Don't we honey?"
Your mom says then looking at your Dad.
"Yeah, you are pretty funny, when you are actually on the show."
Your dad jokes and you playfully smack his arm.
"Daddy!"
Pete laughs as your parents usher you into the house and offers you both drinks.
"You have a beautiful house Mrs. Y/L/N"
Pete says as your mom hands him his drink.
"Thank you Pete we certainly like it."
She smiles and takes her seat next to your dad.
"So, how is the show going?"
Your dad asks Pete.
" Yeah, uh its good. I've been writing a lot more and been in a few more sketches lately."
Pete answers, clearing his throat and shifting in his seat.
"We've noticed. They are finally letting you show your full talent."
Your mom has always been a big fan of Pete's and had been really excited when she found out you two were dating.
"Thank you Mrs. Y/L/N"
"Oh sweetie you can call me Y/M/N."
You can feel Pete's nerves begin to ease as the conversation continues and by the time dinner was served, he was fully comfortable.
The night was filled with laughter and embarrassing stories from your childhood, which you had begged your parents not to tell. Pete loved every minute of it though, especially when they brought out the family photo albums.
"You were so adorable!"
He says, looking at some of your baby pictures over dessert.
Soon, the night was over, you both say goodnight to your parents and head back out to the car.
"See, they loved you! I told you."
You say as you take off down the road, headed back to your apartment.
"You were right, I don't know why I was so worried. Your parents are great."
He laughs.
"I think they may like you better than me to be honest."
You joke, causing a chuckle from the passenger seat.
"What can I say babe, people just love me. No one really knows why it just kind of happens."
He shrugs and you roll your eyes and giggle.
"You're A dork, you know that?"
"And that's why you love me."
He says with a smirk, knowing it was fully true.
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robincantfunction · 3 years
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requested: yes/no(requests are open)
word count: 1201
warnings: slight mentions of racism nothing detailed in anyway at all though(mentions the black family as racists)swearing, one sex reference
lemme know if i missed any.
summary: fred and y/n are in a popular band together, and they're dating. the ships get too much and they have to tell their fans. but during an interview someone questions y/n about her racist family. but luckily fred is there for her, her hero. her lover boy.
song prompt 2: lvr boy - awfultune (i have to be honest i didn't really stick too much to it, but i had this idea so we are gonna go with it.
a/n: this is a modern au- the band is kinda supposed to give maneskin vibes but idk, although lvr boy isn't the best example of that-
toujours pur. one of the most popular bands globally, they were so frequently spoken about by all age groups, and just all people to be honest. they really were great. there music varied so much in genre, there was always something for everybody. the bandmates where what really made people love the band- on top of their killer vocals and riffs and just talent in general, their interviews, their youtube videos, their instagram lives, all of it made the public see what amazing people they truly were. fred weasley (lead guitarist) george weasley (rythm guitarist) y/n black (lead vocalist and ukulele player) harry potter (bass player) hermione granger (pianist) ron weasley (drummer) ginny weasley (acoustic guitarist). that summed up to a lot of gingers and a lot of talent. after endless obliviousness and shipping, ron and hermione finally got together- much to the fandoms satisfaction. harry and ginny were frequently shipped, but once ginny came out they started shipping her with luna, a known friend of the band. it was fun to both y/n and fred at first, all their friends were being almost nagged to get with the people they so obviously liked. it wasn't a safely guarded secret that fred and y/n were an item, they just never directly stated it. i mean what was the point? they loved each other, why vocalize it to the world? but then it happened. the tweets, the instagram posts, the tiktoks, every social media platform had to know if the hand holding, the cheek kisses, the 'i love you's', and the loving looks were all just out of friendship- or something much more. it was still fun initially, watching people try and figure out their relationship, but then it was brought into the interviews and the livestreams.
"why don't you guys just tell them? its so obvious anyway, and it's not like your hiding it." george asked after the band attempted a livestream, but ended it when the only comments were about fred and y/n. "why is it their business?" she responded softly. she wasn't wrong, but everyone except fred was still confused. "we know it's not. but come on, we're not gonna force you to do anything you're not comfortable with but it would stop all of that" ginny said, pointing to the livestream set up they have at the end of her sentence. fred and y/n knew they were right, but they were so comfortable how they were, they didn't want their relationship to be completely demolished. it was the last thing they wanted. and the last thing that either of them saw coming, but they were still cautious. "we have a couple interviews tomorrow, tell them or don't tell them. but it would be a good chance." both of them instantly knew what the other was thinking. the time has come. they're gonna tell them.
the next day were all sitting in front of an interviewer, and then another one, and then another one. and finally this one. "so, i know your name has never really been spoken about" the interviewer said, the band nodded "so what's with the band name?" everyone looked at y/n. she chuckled slightly and started explaining "so most of my family, not good people. they were pretty commonly associated with a racist organisation. like i said, not good people. well they have this family tree, personally i've only seen it once. me and my dad don't go to the family home often. it gives us the heebie geebies and they hate us. well anyway, the family tree says toujours pur, always pure. so i thought i'd mock them and suggested it as a band name. trust me, i've received many a message about it. they aren't happy." everyone chuckled, if y/n was one thing it was spiteful. "so just out of interest, has the band received any backlash about your family?" the entire band shifted in their seats, if there was one thing y/n rarely talked about it was her family. and fred was preparing to go into protective boyfriend mode. she shook her head "um, no not really." the guy looked somewhat hurt "oh. so racist family isn't something your fans have a problem with?" ok this guy was obviously being bitter, but before fred could say anything y/n jumped in "family by blood. not by nature. the only thing that correlates me with them is dna, and clearly they drew the short straw because they're missing some necessary brain cells. i'm not my 'family'. so no. i don't get backlash for something people who i've only ever had one conversation with did." the rest of the interview was very awkward. like, very.
"ok one last one and then we're done for the day" lily (their self appointed manager- not that anyone minded, she was a life saver) said, sending a sympathetic smile to y/n "i'm not doing it." everyone frowned, but understood somewhat. "y/n/n, love, one more. we'll tell them we're shagging like they want and then bounce" that made her chuckle, he always managed to that "lovely description of our relationship dear" everyone started laughing at the two. "ok. but if one more thing gets said about the fucking black family i swear to shit i will start throwing things."
the last interview was a lot more smooth. especially when fred held y/n's hand the entire time. that didn't go unnoticed by the interviewer, who commented on it a few minutes after she sat down. "so, fred and y/n. i know you to are" she paused and cleared her throat, whilst looking at their hands "close. and i know you're probably sick of hearing this but, what are you?" they chuckled a little "um... we're sorta dating" the interviewer smiled, and so did fred and y/n. it felt good to say it out loud. "i have to ask you, really quickly. is fred weasley your lover boy?" she asked, referencing their latest single "lvr boy". it was well known that y/n wrote the majority of their songs- specifically the slower bedroom artist vibe songs. y/n nodded sheepishly, never actually admitting that directly to the group no matter how obvious. "my room mate now owes me a tenner, thank you" everyone laughed, this was ok. she was ok.
"i'm sorry about earlier, love." she sighed "it's ok." he shrugged "no it's not. that was fucked up" both of their features softened "i was ok. i am ok. because you were there. and because you're here." they kissed "y'know 'm sorry bout your name. i know people give you shit for it" she pecked his lips again "don't worry about it." he shook his head "why didn't your dad take remus's name?" they both looked at each other "cause a name shouldn't be a burden. and with the person yuo love, it eases it all y'know. they don't care when they have each other." he smiled "can't wait till you have my name" he didn't mean to say it, panic evident in his eyes she smiled a genuinely happy smile "me neither" and she put her head in his chest.
he was her lover boy.
he owned her heart.
he owned her heart like no one else did.
she was always his.
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old-childhood-drama · 3 years
Text
Taylor Swift and Joe Jonas Masterpost (Toe/Jaylor)
Before dating (May 2008)
We start with the Taylor lookalike
In May 2008 the Jonas Brothers are filming their music video for Burnin’ Up [x]. Joe’s love interest in it is played by a blonde girl who looks quite a bit (and she’s also styled) like Taylor Swift, for reference, this is the music video that has Selena Gomez as Nick Jonas’ love interest.
As far as we know they hadn’t even met so we don’t know exactly what this was supposed to mean, maybe Joe had a crush on Taylor or maybe it’s a coincidence.
We do know that Nick and Selena were dating when this was filmed and that by the time the MV was released (July 4th, 2008) Joe and Taylor were officially dating.
Toe is alive! (July 2008 – September 2008)
On Tour
Fans claim to have seen Taylor around the tour in early July, which matches with Taylor’s lyrics in "Last Kiss".
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Last Kiss. Taylor Swift.
I do recall now the smell of the rain
Fresh on the pavement, I ran off the plane
That July 9th, the beat of your heart
It jumps through your shirt
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On July 14th, Taylor and The Jonas Brothers perform “Should’ve Said No”[x] from her debut album, and this performance now forever exists in their 3D movie (a classic), a cute fact is that some fans have said that Taylor tripped when she first came out, so they had to repeat it for the movie.
On July 20th Joe flies to Wyoming to watch Taylor opening up for Rascal Flatts, and they flew back and she was spotted at the Omaha show.
She’s seen in a couple shows more and she joins the stage again for their Madison Square Garden shows in August [x]. They sing “Even now just looking at you feels wrong”.
They’re together but they’re not together.
For more context, we must remember that Taylor was a very new artist from a small label and The Jonas were pretty much at their peak and Disney’s biggest act, and they were managed like crazy and could never even think about being seen with someone in a romantic way. Any rumors were denied so fast, and Disney did the absolute most to keep it secret. So according to everyone they were just good friends, at the time both Taylor and Selena were annoyed by all the secrecy.
Now back to the timeline:
Taylor is backstage of the tour A LOT for the next couple of weeks right next to the other not-girlfriends Selena and Danielle.
She films a cameo for the “Love Is on Its Way” [x] video for the concert in New York. She was said to be only interested in hanging out with Joe and they were seen hugging *gasp* I know it doesn’t seem like much now but back then this was the hottest gossip and again the Jonas were not supposed to breathe near any human of the opposite gender.
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Taylor and the Jonas were staying at the same hotel a bunch of rumors ensued, but I will not talk about the whole Olympics and Toe locking themselves in a room at midnight thing. If it’s real, we really needed to touch some grass and stop staying outside of people's rooms all night.
On August 17th Joe goes to Ryan Seacrest's show and denied that Taylor is his girlfriend in the best way a corporation like Disney can train you to deny something that’s true. Saying Taylor is “a great girl and I think anybody would be lucky to date her. I think anybody would love to go on a date with her.”
And Taylor tells People Magazine “He’s an amazing guy and anybody would be lucky to be dating him” Cinematic parallels.
Taylor is spotted in the back (in a mirror) of one of the Jonas youtube videos [x]. Basically, we all knew they were together.
The Central Park date (August 28th)
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Now if you were a fan of either the Jonas Brothers, Selena, or Taylor you know this next part and it the iconic triple date of Central Park.
Again, this is kind of famous at this point and Selena has been quoted saying how awful it was because the boys were not allowed to be seen with them so they all went to Central Park (Selena’s first time in Central Park) and Taylor and Selena walked about 20 feet of distance from the guys so nobody would think they were together but we all already knew because it wasn’t like they were that good at hiding it and there are pictures of them together that night (the clownery of it all).
These backstage tour adventures are the reason Taylor and Selena are friends today and in Selena’s own words the best thing to come out of those relationships.
VMAs (September 2008)
With how many pictures of them together that night [x] [x] [x] exist you would think they had gone together as a couple but no just two besties! The 2008 VMAs are so the show where Russell Brand mocks the Jonas Brothers and their purity rings and Taylor publicly defends them.
Toe seems happy for the rest of September but as we know now the end is near.
The Break-Up (October 2008)
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Social Media was different back then and Taylor did what every teen girl with a broken heart did in 2008 and she went to myspace with an edited post to make a statement about the Toe current situation.
Post-Breakup
The 27 seconds Joe Jonas will regret for the rest of his life.
Taylor went on Ellen and I don’t even think I need to say much this interview is THAT iconic she sat on that couch and told the world exactly how Joe had broken her heart in the following two quotes:
“There’s one that’s about that guy, but…that guy’s not in my life anymore unfortunately. That guy…that’s an ouch.”
“I’m not even gonna be able to remember the boy who broke up with me over the phone in 25 seconds when I was 18…it was like 27 seconds, that’s got to be a record.” [x]
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She also went on Ryan Seacrest’s and when asked about the perfect guy she saw an opportunity and took it, saying “I used to always say sense of humor, but I think that it’s important to have the same kind of sense of humor. I have a really dry, sarcastic sense of humor and if somebody doesn’t think that my sense of humor is funny, then that’s not something that is good. Um, so sometimes you know, that can be a wrong match. If they’re not allowed to go in public with me, that’s sort of an issue too.” [x]
Bonus the amazing youtube video Taylor posted with Joe’s Camp Rock doll and how he comes with his own phone to break up with other dolls [x]. Taylor eventually went full out and cited Camilla Belle (then girlfriend of Joe) as the reason for the breakup. And you know someone at Disney’s PR office wanted to die when this was going down.
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So finally, Joe was forced to acknowledge the whole situation with a Myspace post:
"I never cheated on a girlfriend. It might make someone feel better to assume or imply I have been unfaithful, but it is simply not true. Maybe there were reasons for a breakup. Maybe the heart moved on. Perhaps feelings changed. I am truly saddened that anything would potentially cause you to think less of me. For those who have expressed concern over the "27 second” phone call. I called to discuss feelings with the other person. Those feelings were obviously not well received. I did not end the conversation. Someone else did. Phone calls can only last as long as the person on the other end of the line is willing to talk. “
Forever & Always
Now this song is known as THE Toe song and it was born out of the end of the relationship when she felt Joe was getting distant, but she couldn’t do anything to help it, it was made really late into the production of Fearless so she had to rush to finish it in time (so no other breakup songs are about Joe in the original album).
Forever & Always Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide Like a scared little boy I looked into your eyes Thought I knew you for a minute, now I’m not so sure
In the 2009 Grammy's Taylor and Miley (insert The Ex-Girlfriends Club Theory here) performed Fifteen (obviously not about Joe) and the Jonas were in the audience. I believe this is probably around the time Taylor writes Mr. Perfectly Fine and You All Over Me, which we know get to have thanks to Fearless (Taylor’s Version) 13 years later.
You All Over Me
The best and worst day of June
Was the one that I met you
With your hands in your pockets
And your 'don't you wish you had me' grin
But I did, so I smiled, and I melted like a child
Now every breath of air I breathe reminds me of then
Mr. Perfectly Fine
'Cause I hear he's got his arm 'round a brand-new girl
I've been pickin' up my heart, he's been pickin' up her
And I never got past what you put me through
But it's wonderful to see that it never phased you
In November of 2009, she also goes to SNL and mocks Joe in her monologue. "You might think I'd bring up Joe That guy who broke up with me on the phone But I'm not gonna mention him *rolls eyes* In my monologue [Spoken:]Hey Joe, I'm doing real well, tonight I'm hosting SNL [Sings:]But I'm not gonna brag about that In my monologue [x]"
To make things even more dramatic and very awkward The Jonas Brothers, Demi Lovato, and Taylor Swift spent NYE together watching the ball drop on TV and this was probably not how they wanted to start their years. [x] [x] [x] and a video [x]
Now let’s discussed some of the songs that came out at the time. The Jonas response to Forever & Always was Much Better. Nick described it as a song that was very personal to Joe and Joe went on to say that it was based on his very interesting year. They also at some point wanted to pretend the song was about their love for their fans but come on. Joe also changed the lyrics from ‘superstar’ to ‘country star’ and later changed it to ‘movie stars’ when he broke up with Camilla who is the ‘Much Better’ girl from the song.
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Much Better - Jonas Brothers
I get a rep for breakin’ hearts
Now I’m done with superstars
And all the tears on her guitar
I’m not bitter
But now I see
Everything I’d ever need
Is the girl in front of me
She’s much better
Taylor’s iconic response in Better Than Revenge seems to be more of an attack on Camilla. She’s spoken about her regret for this song since then and hasn’t played it in years and Camilla seems to be ok we never forgiving her for it [x] [x]. Regardless this song remains a staple of the genre ‘Feminism OFF, Bops ON’.
“I was 18 when I wrote [“Better Than Revenge.”] That’s the age you are when you think someone can actually take your boyfriend. Then you grow up and realize no one can take someone from you if they don’t want to leave”. - Taylor 2014.
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Better Than Revenge - Taylor Swift
Let's hear the applause (Come on, come on)
Come on, show me how much better you are
(So much better, yeah?)
See you deserve some applause
'Cause you're so much better
She also released "Last Kiss" about the nicer part of their relationship, and some believe other songs such as If This Was a Movie, Haunted (Speak Now) and Jump Then Fall (Fearless) are about Joe. From the Jonas, the other song believed to be about Taylor is Paranoid (Lines, Vines and Trying Times).
Jump Then Fall
Well, I like the way your hair falls in your face
You got the keys to me
I love each freckle on your face, oh
I've never been so wrapped up, honey
Probably a song was written about and in the early days of their romance and the long hair freckles [x] thing definitely fits 2008 Joe.
If This Was a Movie
Baby, what about the ending?
Oh, I thought you'd be here by now
Thought you'd be here by now
According to some this song is a sister song to "Last Kiss" in the same album and that is confirmed to be about Joe.
Haunted
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
Won't finish what you started
This song would be a sister to Forever & Always since Taylor described both to be about a relationship that was fading in the end and that she was confused as to how they got there in the first place.
"‘Haunted’ is about the moment that you realize the person you’re in love with is drifting and fading fast. And you don’t know what to do, but in that period of time, in that phase of love, where it’s fading out, time moves so slowly. Everything hinges on what that last text message said, and you’re realizing that he’s kind of falling out of love. That’s a really heartbreaking and tragic thing to go through because the whole time you’re trying to tell yourself it’s not happening. I went through this, and I ended up waking up in the middle of the night writing this song about it.” Taylor
Friendlier days are coming (2010- )
I guess time can heal a lot of wounds and Toe is seen hugging and on friendly terms at the Clive Davis party on January 31st of 2010 [x].
The world was so shocked when we realized that Joe went to see her perform in a couple of her shows in September 2011 [x] [x], and in here Holy Ground is born about her new evaluation of their former relationship rather than the bitterness of the breakup. The lyrics' secret message is “when you came to the show in SD” and the potential parallel to "Last Kiss".
Holy Ground - Taylor Swift
We blocked the noise with the sound of ‘I need you’
And for the first time I had something to lose
And I guess we fell apart in the usual way
And the story’s got dust on every page
But sometimes I wonder how you think about it now
And I see your face in every crowd…
… Tonight, I'm gonna dance
For all that we've been through
But I don't wanna dance
If I'm not dancing with you
Last Kiss - Taylor Swift
I do remember the swing of your step
The life of the party, you’re showing off again
And I roll my eyes and then
You pull me in
I’m not much for dancing
But for you I did
They're seen talking in the MTV's EMA's 2012 [x].
From here they seem to be friendly and in May of 2015 after the Billboards. They even go on a double date later that year with Gigi Hadid, Calvin Harris, and Karlie Kloss (this picture feels so cursed). Nick and Joe get invited to Taylor’s 4th of July party and they seem somewhat distant after his split from Gigi.
Present (2020- )
In 2020, we got the amazing surprise of folklore with the song ‘Invisible String’ that makes a reference to Taylor’s past songs about exes being harsh and how she sent Joe and his wife Sophie Turner a present for their baby girl’s birth. In 2021, she has now released the re-recordings of Fearless and we are all reliving the drama and enjoying the chaos of Taylor’s and Sophie’s friendship not letting Joe know peace for those 27 seconds over a decade ago.
Invisible String
Cold was the steel of my axe to grind
For the boys who broke my heart
Now I send their babies presents
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Hiii could I please get bnha & haikyuu matchup? Preferably with males pls. My pronouns are she/her. I am 5’4, an ambivert and a Latina. My enneagram is type 4. I have pale skin, mid-length brown wavy hair with bangs, and hazel eyes. I am described as someone who comes off as cold or aloof when I’m around people I don’t know. After getting to know me, I am the complete opposite. I’m just a bit shy at first lol. My friends have told me that I give good advice but like to joke about my stubbornness. I like to make people laugh and try to make the best of any situation. However I have a hard time expressing my emotions. I’m also described as easy going and fun to be around. I also love animals especially dogs.
I am a hip hop dancer and love to perform. Dance to me is very freeing and I'm usually dancing anywhere anytime haha. I choreograph a lot as well. I also enjoy reading could vary from manga to non-fiction. I love music especially hip hop, rap, & reggaeton. I also love to write music/poetry. At one point I was composing 2-3 songs a day but lately I've lost my creative streak. I never show anybody though since I’m really shy about it. I'd love to one day tho! I can be playful and love to tease my friends. I also really like to eat and travel. I am a bit of a homebody but I enjoy hiking because of the exercise. I really enjoy having deep conversations. I can’t stand people who bully others and people who are fake. I like to be honest and helpful in any way I can. My style is usually anything comfy/casual and I don’t really like wearing skirts or dresses. I speak English and Spanish (learning Japanese & Portuguese). I would love to learn ASL and Hawaiian one day as well. I enjoy watching crime investigations, probably one of my favorite things to watch.
I don’t really any fears, just not being able to accomplish my goals/dreams. I tend to daydream a lot and I’m also a big procrastinator 😭. I'm usually in my head a lot which tires me a bit. Alone time for me is definitely important. I would say my love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. I’m usually really cold towards the person I like lol. Only because I test the waters to see if I should spend time and energy on them. I tend to be a bit jealous/possessive, not in an unhealthy way though. Just wouldn’t match with someone who is very flirty with other people lol. What I look for in a partner is someone that is selfless, mature and has depth to them. Also if they are really accepting because I’ve never had that growing up. I'm a bit touch starved lol. Thank you so much 💖💗💕
tl;dr Hinata Shoyo thinks your really cool and supports your goals/you in general fully. Tamaki Amajiki thought you were scary at first, but once you warmed up to each other he ally admires you, and thinks your cute.
Hope this is alright, still new to the whole matchup thing:
Haikyū!!:
I give you…One Shoyo Hinata
He may not always be the most mature person, even in the Haikyū timeskip, but he makes up for it in other ways.
You would probably meet after his first year, probably sometime between end of his second-timeskip around 2018.
Really depends on where you are, I won’t go to into detail seeing as some people might not want spoilers, I will put any spoilers down below the cut at the end of this.
If it’s during high school still, you might be a new manager for Karasuno, or even the manager of another team they are having a practice match with.
Just some things…:
> would love that you can speak multiple languages, he thinks it’s so cool that you can communicate to all kinds of people, and he’d probably ask you to teach him a little bit as well
> he probably wouldn’t care if you were ever distant/cold, he understands that it takes time for people to warm up to each other, (Kageyama, Kenma even, good examples there)
> if you told him/he saw/you showed him your dancing, he would probably be open jawed thinking stuff like “that- is so freaking cool!!!” yeah- mental exclamation marks.
> if you showed him how to do a couple moves? amazing, he’s gonna brag and go show his teammates tomorrow at practice what he learned how to do
> sometimes he can be a bit energy draining, but if you tell him you need alone time? he understands completely and will give you your time (might be a bit impatient in waiting for you to send him a message saying hi but he respects that all fully.)
> this dude would be so freaking supportive of you- I will go more on this below the cut for manga spoilers- but he’d just think your one of the coolest people ever
> if you do warm up to him, and decide “this is alright” he’d smile so big and just- hug you so tightly because he’s so happy you feel comfortable around him
> being the kind of person he is, he totally understands you wanting to pursue your dreams. he’d support you, your hobbies, all of it.
> if you told him about your song writing + that you’ve been a bit out of it in your writing he would beg you to let him read or hear some of your work (if you said no he’d understand but he’d still in his mind hope someday maybe you would), he’d ask if you wanted him to try and give you some inspiration, his first answer being “Volleyball!”
> he’s so freaking cuddly once he knows if your comfy with that, he’d hug you, hold you hand, all of that
> start of your relationship he’d definitely be blushy and a bit shy (girls though amiright?)
> he’d watch crime shows with you for sure, he might not share the same love for them, but he loves to cuddle up with you to watch them, he might play with your hair, he just likes to be near you to be honest
> he just thinks your freaking cool and really pretty
BNHA:
Ah hmmm…I give you one Tamaki Amajiki?
Its quite the flip around from Hinata but hear me out….
You are probably also a hero-in-training. You might training to be a more rescue based hero, knowing multiple languages you’d be good at containing a scary situation/containing the crowd. Good at calming people down to evacuate or get to safety..
When you meet to be honest he thought you were scary, shivering in his shoes,
as he gets to know you though, whether it’s from observing you or because Mirio or Nejire have tagged you along with them so he had no choice really-
he finds your not all that scary! The other too can be exhausting so you might drift off towards him for a chiller vibe…
Just some things:
> you’d probably bond over food a bit, and both having the want to stick up for others, (or a dislike for meanies).
> it would take a while for you Both to warm up to each other much/fully, but when you do its quite great
> A slower relationship for sure I think, even once your both more comfortable with each other, not a whole lot of affection at first though
> if you first initiated any affection (verbal or physical), he’d probably be a blushing mess, don’t worry though, he finds it easier to show not tell, so once you’ve talked about it to each other and he’s gotten reassurance from his friends, he’d probably be much more affectionate
> probably lots of comforting, cuddles, not a lot of public affection- he’d rather keep it behind closed doors. when your alone he loves to hold you hand or just pat your head, mostly small things but baby steps matter
> if you tell/show him your dancing he might be intimidate, he’d think it’s cool but he’d definitely have a little bit of a mindset about you like he does with Mirio, he loves and supports your dancing fully though
> same with your writing- if you showed him he would probably think “oh well now i have to add to my list of reasons my s/o is amazing.”
> food dates + movies/tv shows probably, he’d watch crime shows with you, he thinks they are interesting, he mostly loves the look on your face when your doing/watching something you love
> definitely lots of comforting him when he’s anxious
> he likes it when you speak in languages he doesn’t speak, he also likes to try and mentally guess what he thinks your saying
> you both need your alone time, so he gets that and respects your space, he hopes you’ll do the same
> he really understands your want to fulfill your dreams and goals, and he really admires you and thinks your really cute.
this was a little rushed and I probably could have found better characters-
hope this is alright if you want a re-match I can do that for sure <3
timeskip!hinata/manga spoilers below the cut
if you meet after high school:
> you both can speak similar language! (assuming that in this made up universe you have already learned how to speak the rest on your list..)
> imagine that cuddly hinata- but better. it’s the timeskip beef all the characters got like—
> if you met/were together when he was doing beach training, he would definitely try and teach you a bit of beach volleyball/indoors as well.
>when he goes back to japan and joins msby? you probably moved over there with him, if not you can probably make a long distance relationship work just fine
> he would brag to his new teammates so freaking much about you too, especially about your dance skills and how many languages you speak
> he’s just really proud of you tbh
> he understands your want to succeed/ achieve your dreams/goals, I mean he moved to freaking Brazil to help him achieve his, so i think he definitely relates
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lousimusician · 5 years
Text
Faking It
Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader
Request: Ik you're busy working on sex pollen right now but when you could could you do one where the reader has never orgasmed with any of their SO and when they start having sex/dating peter they dont want to make him feel bad so they just fake it? And somehow peter finds out the truth and he just turns super dom and makes her cum like....a lot? Thanks! I love your writing so much!
A/N: I fell in love with this request the second I saw it omgggg, it's so goooood. Thank you to the anon who requested this, I hope I did it justice lol. I also wasn't planning to write whole ass fics for the requests and make them more like blurbs or something, but some of your guy's ideas are so good I couldn't help myself.
Warning: Smuttttt, Oral (fem recieving), language, Peter and the reader are both 18
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Peter had really just been passing through when he overheard the conversation that made his stomach twist with shame and embarrassment.
It had to be around midnight when Peter just finished patrolling Queens and he decided to stop by his girlfriend's apartment for a few minutes.
Your window was open, and just as Peter was about to crawl through was when he heard it.
You were facetiming MJ while laying on your bed, and the two of you seemed to be in deep conversation, when he heard her say, "So you've been faking it this whole time?"
Peter stopped, interest piqued to find out what exactly you had been faking.
You groaned and tugged on your hair. "Yes."
"Is he that bad or is there another reason?" MJ asked mindlessly while she worked on her homework.
"No he's good, it's me. I just- I have a hard time.. y'know..-"
"Orgasming?"
You groaned again. "I hate this conversation."
MJ put her hands up in surrender. "Hey, you were the one that wanted to have this sex talk."
You rolled your eyes. "Anyway, I think I'm just scared I won't be able to and then he'll be all embarrassed and then I'll be embarrassed, so I... fake it. And it wouldn't be the first time either, I did the same with Ian and Devin."
"And Peter has no idea?" MJ asked, looking up from her homework.
"Well I hate to brag but by the time I started dating Peter I got very good at faking it." You said pathetically.
"(Y/N) that is the saddest thing I've ever heard, don't worry you're not bragging." She responded sarcastically.
"Yeah, I know. What do you think I should do? I just feel so guilty."
MJ shrugged her shoulders. "Don't know man. Just talk to him I guess, how long can you go pretending anyway."
You shook your head. "Yeah... I'm just- I'm gonna go to bed now, I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"See ya." MJ said before ending the call.
Peter backed away from your window, but lingered on the wall as everything you and MJ said sunk in.
And Peter didn't know how to feel anything other than embarrassed and betrayed.
You faked it,
Every. Single. Time.
And Peter began replaying every time the two of you had sex.
The first time you two were together, to when you had done it in the janitors closet, to when you told each other that you loved each other, to even just last night.
How had he never noticed before.
Peter punched the wall in frustration, before swinging back to his own apartment.
-----
"Hey Peter." You greeted your boyfriend the next morning at school, after arriving at his locker.
Upon hearing and seeing you Peter immediately remembered the anger he felt last night, so with gritted teeth and a clenched jaw responded with a simple, "Hey."
You furrowed your eyebrows at his tone but ignored it anyway. "So are we still hanging out later."
"Sure." He said without looking at you.
"Oookay?" You said confused by his attitude. "I'll talk to you at lunch then." You said, backing away before heading to your own class.
The rest of the day had gone by in a similar fashion. Peter was very off and you couldn't figure out why, except for that it had to be something with you because he was only acting coldly towards you.
The walk to his place with him after school was quiet and tense, and it was setting you on edge.
You tried to fill the silence with idle conversation but when his responses came off as less than interested, you finally gave up all together. And even when you reached his apartment, the two of you went straight to the bedroom silently save for the greetings to Aunt May.
The second Peter stepped into the bedroom he threw his bag down next to his desk and immediately pulled his homework out, and started on it even though it was a Friday, further proving to you that he was ignoring you.
Meanwhile, you on the other hand, decided to sit on his bed without a word.
You pulled out your phone and occupied your time with the device. 
And that was how the night slowly progressed. You shooting glances at him, while Peter pretended not to notice as he continued his homework.
It wasn't until May popped in to tell you two that she was going out for a few hours with her friends that you finally said something.
"...Peter?" You asked quietly, and all you recieved was a hum in response. "Are you mad?"
Peter continued writing, "No." He said simply but with a bite that told you he was definitely angry.
"Did I do something?"
"No." He said again, jaw clenching.
"If you don't tell me, I can't fix it."
Peter stopped writing and began tapping his pencil against his paper, trying to figure out what to say. "...You've been faking it." He said as if the words burned his tongue, gaze fixed on the textbook in front of him.
You sat up on your knees, jaw dropped and eyebrows furrowed. "H-how-?"
"I went to stop by your place last night-"
"Y-you heard." You stuttered out in a small voice, shame seeping into your conscious.
"Yeah I heard." He said bitterly. "Did you really fake it every time?" He finally looked at you.
You gaped at him, torn between telling the truth and lying but the look he gave you told you it would be wisest to tell the truth. "...I did."
The pencil in his hand snapped.
"P-Peter I'm so sorry, I was just so embarrassed-"
"Oh you're embarrassed?" He asked sarcastically. "Imagine how I feel knowing that everytime I slept with my girlfriend I've never been able to make her cum."
"No! Peter it's really not your fault. The last two guys I dated were never able to make me cum either."
"Great, now I'm like those two assholes." He muttered, standing up.
You shot up off the bed, stepping closer to Peter. You placed your hands on his cheeks so he would give you his undivided attention. "Listen to me Peter." You said sternly. "I love you so much and I am sorry I never told you. You are so amazing in every way and if I'm being completely honest...I've never been able to make myself cum eith-"
You were roughly cut off by Peter's lips crashing against yours. Your hands fell to his chest, while one of his gripped your jaw firmly and the other tightly held your hip. "Stop talking." He muttered, his lips going to your neck.
"W-what?" You asked breathlessly.
"I said stop talking." He repeated more firmly this time. He picked you up and tossed you onto the bed, raising a hand to shoot a web at the door to keep it locked in case May came back early.
Peter moved on top of you now, leaning back. "This is how it's gonna go, I'm gonna do whatever it takes to make you cu-"
"But Pete-"
"I'm speaking now." 
"S-sorry." You said, biting your lip.
"I'm going to make you cum alright?" He said pulling off his sweater, "And you're going to communicate with me this time to make sure- take off your shirt." You did as he said, taking your bra off too. "To make sure you do cum, and you're not going to fake it okay?"
You nodded profusely.
"Good. Now, you can talk." He said as his hands began undoing your jeans.
"..What if I can't though." You whimpered.
"That's why you're going to talk to me, princess." Peter said gently, voice losing its roughness at seeing how worried you were. He pulled your jeans off your legs. "You're going to tell me exactly what you need, and I'm going to re-learn everything about your body." Peter pulled off your panties next, leaving you completely naked. "...Grab the headboard for a second." He said, an idea coming to mind.
You cocked an eyebrow but did as he said anyway and jumped in surprise when he webbed your hands together. 
You turned your head, looking at your hands, before looking back to Peter with a confused expression.
"I want the only thing you focus on to be on what I'm doing." He said, moving down your body so he was situated between your thighs.
He pulled your legs over his shoulders and you struggled to look down at him because of your bound hands. Without warning Peter flattened his tongue going from the bottom of your slit to the top, making you throw your head back into the pillow with a moan. 
He did the same thing again only this time his lips latched onto your clit.
"Ahh~ fuck." You hissed.
His mouth worked against you until you were a whimpering mess, your hips beginning to grind against his face desperately, making him bring an arm up to pin you to the bed.
He knew you needed more but he wanted to hear it from you first so he pulled away and muttered. "Start talking princess." Before latching his lips back onto your clit.
"Y-your fingers." You stuttered. 
He hummed against you, the vibration sending a wave of pleasure down your spine. Peter brought his free hand to your pussy and slid a finger in easily due to how wet you were.
His tongue worked your clit as he started thrusting and curling a finger into you.
And it felt good, it always felt so good. Which was why it was so goddamn frustrating to feel so much pleasure that went no where, built up to nothing. 
But tonight you were as determined to cum as Peter was at making you.
"M-more~" You gasped out. Peter complied sliding a second finger in, his ministrations speeding up and using more force. "Peter~" You moaned. "Don't stop~ f-fuck."
The two of you sat there for god knows how long and Peter was finally starting to understand why you would fake it.
He pulled away, fingers still thrusting into you. "C'mon pretty girl, tell me what you need." You just looked so desperate to cum. Mouth gaping open as you whined and begged, your hips trying to move with him if not for the arm pinning you down, and it was driving Peter crazy. He was so hellbent on getting you to cum that he hadn't even registered how painfully hard he was, his own hips beginning to grind into the mattress for a sense of relief.
"I-I don't know." The words coming out as a frustrated sob, making Peter's heart clench.
That was when he got an idea.
Peter had always been aware of how gentle or rough he was with you, because if he didn't he could seriously hurt you due to his super strength.
But right now he realized that maybe that was just what you needed.
So with new intent, Peter slid a third finger in and started thrusting them into you, curling them to hit your g-spot perfectly. Mouth reattaching to your pussy again, he stimulated you with more force and strength behind every movement than he had ever used before.
And your reaction was immediate.
You practically screamed in pleasure. Body shaking almost violently, as your legs were wrapped tightly behind his back.
Your mind had gone fuzzy, never having felt this much pleasure before. And it was seriously fucking you up. 
An unfamiliar knot started forming making you more and more desperate for Peter. And just as you felt you were about to fall over the edge for the first time.
Peter stopped, removing his fingers and mouth.
Your eyes shot wide open. "P-Peter." You sobbed. "Why'd you s-stop." 
Peter crawled up your body, thumb wiping away the tears you didn't realize had fallen. 
He kissed your lips before saying. "Couple of reasons. First, that's what you get for not telling me about this sooner, and second, I realized that I want to be in you the first time you cum." 
You whimpered as he backed away so he could undo his pants. Your eyes raked up and down his lean muscular body, your fingers starting to itch with wanting to touch him.
"Can you dissolve the webs?" You asked.
He paused, looking at you for a second. "..No."
Your eyebrows furrowed. "B-but Peter-" You whined.
"No. I kinda like you like this, and I have a feeling you're going to need to hold onto the headboard because of how hard I'm gonna fuck you."
Your cheeks burned, he was never usually this forward. "Peter!" You spluttered.
He ignored you while he finished undressing himself, getting up to grab a condom before easily finding his spot on top of you again once he finished putting it on. He pressed his lips against yours again in an intoxicating kiss, while he gripped his cock to line up with your entrance and slowly pushed in, making the two of you moan into the kiss.
He pulled back slightly. "I'm not going to go easy on you." He said breathily, lips grazing yours as he spoke. "Think you can handle it?"
"Mhmm," you hummed.
"Good." He said, sitting up as a hand went to your leg to hike your thigh onto his hip, while his other hand started gripping the top of his headboard.
He admired the way you looked with your hands bound as you stared up at him wide eyed. 
And without any warning he pulled back and snapped his hips roughly into you. You arched your back as a moan passed through your lips.
Peter kept a fast and rough pace, fucking into you hard. And he had found himself enjoying it much more than he thought he would, not having to hold back and be mindful of his powers.
You had been clearly enjoying yourself too. Your head tossed back in ecstasy while you moaned and whined incoherently, forgetting how to form words. You couldn't think at all, only being able to feel Peter.
The relief you felt when that unfamiliar knot started to form, letting you know that Peter may actually get you to cum, was amazing.
"P-Peter I think I'm gonna-" you cut yourself off with a moan.
"Y-yeah?" He grunted out, picking up more speed. "Then do it pretty girl. Cum." His hand that was on your thigh trailed down to your clit and he started rubbing it in rough circles. 
The extra stimulation was what tipped you over.
You came with a loud scream of Peter's name on your lips. And you came hard. The pleasure feeling so unreal that you couldn't believe you had gone this long without ever experiencing it. Your vision turned almost black, seeing stars. 
You had cum so hard you hadn't even realized Peter came too, until after you came down from the high.
You were panting, absolutely breathless, feeling Peter's weight on you as he was slumped against you now.
Your body was shaking, and you muttered out. "Holy shit."
You could feel Peter's smile against your shoulder. He pulled out, making you jump at the feeling and he rolled off of you, panting just as hard while the two of you stared at the bottom of the top bunk.
"You're amazing." You muttered again.
Peter laughed, grin widening. "And to think you could've been cumming this whole time if you just told me."
You rolled your eyes. "Yeah I know... I was just embarrassed."
"Don't be."
You hummed. "Can I stay the rest of the night?"
" 'course. I prefer you stay anyway."
"So.. can you dissolve the webs now?"
Peter turned his head to look at you, making you turn to look at him too. He raised an eyebrow. "You didn't think we were actually done, did you?"
You looked at him confused, "W-what?"
His hand ran down to your pussy again, finding your clit, making you jump. "I plan on making up for every time you faked it, by the end of the night."
"B-but what about May? She'll be back soon."
Peter glanced at the time, seeing that it was only 9. "Aunt May goes out with her friends once a month and she never has gotten home before 1 or 2 in the morning. We have time."
You stared at the glint in Peter's eyes, and knew you were utterly screwed. "Oh fuck."
--------------------------------------------------
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Part One
An AU where All Might is dead and villains run wild, and heroes have gone into Hiding. Shigaraki finds a tiger running around causing problems and takes it back to the League only for it to turn into a little girl with no memories.
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Spinner Logs
September 1st
12 PM
Echo won't leave Boss’s side for any reason. I think she imprinted on him or something. Dabi thinks its funny because she literally follows him everywhere around the hideout. All For One thinks its bothersome i i think, he pulled them both into a room to talk to them about something. Don't know what.
Boss has not said anything to Echo about her following him. She grabs hold of his shirt when he walks away to do something, me and Dabi were dumbfounded when we saw it.
Mr Compress should be back soon, i think he was scoping out the Post All Might scene or something. I cant wait for him to meet Echo i think he will like her.
It's my turn to go get food I guess. I wonder what kids eat . That's all i've got for now. 🦎
Dabi Logs
September 1st
1Pm
Lizard you really should learn to hide things better, this little log book you have of Echo is cute. I guess ill clue you in on what's going on while you get food, better have my ramen.
After you left Boss told me he was going to play some kind of online game or whatever as if I cared to know. The pipsqueak was going to follow him to his room but AFO grabbed her and she freaked out .
Something about needing to focus on the mission , i don't know of any mission. Boss told us to lay low for a while. Echo started crying, it was hard to listen if i'm being honest. Boss did not do anything, AFO told Boss to go do whatever he was going to do and he just left.
I can kind of hear AFO talking to Echo but its hard to hear over her sobbing. The hideout has never been this loud before.
Well imma go outside for a cigarette i guess , it's quiet outside. Till next time, Lizard🔥
Spinner Logs
September 1St
2:30PM
Dammit Dabi..
Well whatever , at least he logged about Echo. This was at 1pm? I just got back and she's still crying..where's Boss? His room? He can hear it right?
What does All For One want to talk about so bad? Shes a kid. I hope he's not planning to turn her into a weapon. I hope she calms down soon..im going to unpack this food.
Thats all ive got for now🦎
Spinner Logs
September 1st
7PM
Echo calmed down a half hour later when AFO finally let her go. I heard a door open and then slam shut it sounded like Boss’s door so Echo must have gone in there.
I got Dabis damn ramen he loves so much, my favorite snacks along with Mr Compress’s sushi and Boss’s foods he likes. I ended up getting cereal for Echo, i got the one with the bird on it. I never thought the hardest decision of my life would be between a bird and a caveman on a box of cereal.
AFO asked me if i liked going to get food and i was a little shocked he even talked to me. I was not sure how to answer him but i don't think he cared for my answer anyway because he said he was going out.
The hideout was calmer once he left, Dabi came back as well to scope out the food, he smelled like a pack of smokes. I like Dabi, hes easy to talk to , well for me he is.
Mr Compress came back around 6. I'm relieved he's okay. Boss emerged from his room finally to greet him, with Echo behind him peeking over his leg at Mr Compress. The look he had was priceless to everyone.
The first thing he asked was if Boss had a secret love child. Boss chuckled and Echo hid behind his leg while Boss explained the situation to his friend.
Dabi made ramen at some point at the bar, Boss and Mr Compress moved to the couches to talk , Echo right next to him. He explained AFO would be around a lot and Echos quirk, he called it Morph.
All we really know is Echo can turn into a tiger whenever she wants. Its an interesting quirk to say the least.
Mr Compress tried to make light of the conversation by showing Echo a card trick . She looked like she enjoyed it, Mr Compress always gave me the impression he was good with kids.
Echo was dozing off on Boss’s arm while he played his switch. She's so cute to me, it looked like she had never seen a Switch before too, her eyes were huge with interest, Boss even explained the game to her. Its nice seeing him so calm.
Mr Compress told me about the scene outside and I told him my food adventure. Mr Compress told me The Pro Heroes are in hiding, even Endeavour. The rank system for Heroes is no more, UA is locked down for who knows how long and Villains are running around free. My experience was about the same. No Pros, no Quirkless, only villains. Oh well, free food.
That's all ive got for now. Im sleepy 🦎
Shigaraki Logs
September 1ST
1PM
What am I going to do with you two idiots?
AFO took Echo away to talk to her I guess. I felt weird watching her cry. Why did i feel weird? AFO is great. I don't understand.
I could not focus on my game with her crying so i just stared at the screen listening. She follows me around constantly for whatever reason , even grabs onto my shirt like a lost puppy. I don't understand.
She's still crying and I want to go comfort her. What's wrong with me? I should be thinking about ruling the world. Its mine now. But all i can focus on right now is telling Echo everything will be okay. I don't understand.
The crying stopped and I heard my door open and slam shut. Echo ran over to me and before I could say anything she climbed onto my lap sobbing. My arm was around her before I even realized I did it. I don't understand.
She told me AFO was scary and she did not want to do jobs for him or train. It was confusing because AFO is not scary, hes great. I tried to tell her this and she shook her head disagreeing. I don't understand.
Mr Compress is back and Spinner got food. Of course Dabi is eating his ramen.
I was amused over Mr Compress’s little joke. Haha. Hes lucky hes a vital member of this League. It was good to catch up on how things were outside and with him. From what he said everything was up for grabs and those dirty Pros were all gone or hiding.
I wonder when AFO is coming back, Echo really likes my switch. Her eyes follow everything that moves like a cat. Her quirk is an interesting one that's for sure. Im curious if her tiger will get bigger as she grows.
Echo fell asleep on my arm so i brought her to my room to put her to sleep. She woke up though once i set her down on my bed asking me to stay and tell her a story. Do I look like I know a kids bedtime story?
I thought of something of course, after a minute of thinking. She looked like she enjoyed it. I decided to stay till she actually fell asleep. Only one up right now was Dabi anyway.
Echo called me father. I dont understand.
Till whenever, i guess. 🐯
••
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quietpoeticheart · 4 years
Text
The Coffee Shop: Part Four: Part One
Summary: Bucky is a retired military veteran suffering from PTSD. He meets Avelyn, a headstrong entrepreneur, one day at her cafe with Steve and then everything changes.
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Black! OC
Word Count: 1.7k+
Warnings: None
A/N: This is just a brief little fluffy filler which is half of the original chapter 4 that I couldn't finish because I just finished school exams and I'm probably going back to school just now despite Covid-19 so I haven't had much time to write. The next half of chapter 4 should be up in a week hopefully and it'll be a whole lot more interesting than this
PREVIOUS PART
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Later that evening, an hour before closing, while Avelyn was taking a nap, she heard the bell for the shop go off and a knock at the door because she wasn't stupid to leave the door open. It was New York after all, she'd get robbed or worse kidnapped, not like her mother would mind if it happened.
"I'm coming." She yelled walking towards it. As she unlocked the door, a familiar figure bounded inside. "Were you sleeping on the job?" Morgan said.
Avelyn shrugged, "I'm my own boss. Why are you here?"
"I said I'd pick you up." Morgan stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Yeah at nine. Its five."
"Well its nine somewhere, plus I remembered that I can't trust you to get ready on your own." Morgan wasn't lying, if left up to her, she'd go to the club in a pair of jeans. She was really over her socialite days but Morgan didn't exactly care, if Avelyn was going out with her, she'd look damn good.
Avelyn was grateful to have a best friend that cared about her wellbeing as much as Morgan did but at the same time, it did get a little frustrating and tiring because Morgan was pretty high maintenance at times.
"Fine, just lemme close up."
"Oh, so this is what it looks like when it's open, could've fooled me."
Avelyn rolled her eyes, "You're lucky I love you." As she moved behind the counter to organize her stuff, Morgan took a seat at the same stool Bucky was on earlier.
"So what are we gonna do about lover boy?"
Avelyn's eyes widened in panic, there was no way in hell she was letting Morgan get involved. She'd scare the boy off because the Starks weren't exactly known for being the most subtle people ever.
"There's no we in this Morgs unless you're speaking French."
Morgan glared at her, "Avelyn, you gotta stop shutting me out like this. All I ever do is try to help you and you just push me away. You've gotten away with the excuse of being busy with the shop for too long now, when the truth is, you're just like Bucky, everytime someone tries to care for you, you push them away and I'm getting tired of it."
As much as it stung to hear, Avelyn knew what Morgan was the truth. She felt like a hypocrite really, judging Bucky for the same thing she'd been doing for over a year.
Avelyn sighed, "I'm sorry Morgan. You're right, I shouldn't push you away like that. It's just hard with everything that's happened."
"Lynn, we've been friends for almost our entire lives. I know you better than you know you, it shouldn't be hard. Instead of  making excuses, take accountability."
"I hate it when you're right." Avelyn said. Morgan rolled her eyes, "Ever since we met, I've always been right."
Avelyn thought back to the day when she first met Morgan.
It was the first day at her new kindergarten and Avelyn was incredibly nervous to be going to a new school. At school, she was called up to the front of the class by her teacher Ms. Birch to introduce herself.
"Hi, I'm Avelyn." That's all she could manage to get out in front the class. Ms. Birch had smiled gently at her and pointed to the only free seat, a red chair next to a pretty brown haired girl, "Go sit by Morgan."
Avelyn clutched her yellow backpack to her chest and reluctantly took the seat next to Morgan.
Morgan had smiled widely at her, "You were scared, weren't you?"
Avelyn nodded. Morgan was surprisingly articulate for her age but you couldn't expect less from the daughter of one of the smartest men in the world
"You don't speak much, do you?" Morgan asked.
Avelyn nodded again. To her, Morgan was intimidating, she was bold enough to start a conversation with someone she didn't even know. Oh, how she wished she could be like her.
"Well I talk enough for the both of us." She said, extending her hand, "I'm Morgan Stark and you are?"
"Avelyn Forsythe." Avelyn shyly took her hand and shook it.
"I think you and I are going to be great friends Avelyn Forsythe."
After that day, Avelyn and Morgan were practically inseparable. Her mother had been excited when she found out that Avelyn had made a friend, until she found out whose daughter Morgan was.
When she did, she tried everything to break up the friendship but the bond formed that day was inseparable and while Ava wasn't pleased, she ignored the friendship and avoided all unnecessary interaction with Morgan and after several very uncomfortable encounters at her house, Avelyn decided that it'd be best if she went to the Starks instead of letting Morgan come over.
Tony and Pepper, on the contrary were excited that Morgan had made a friend, because most of the other children were scared of her. Morgan had a tough shell but underneath that exterior, she was a total softie but most people didn't stick around long enough to find that out but Avelyn did and over the years, the Starks began to regard Avelyn as their own child, even letting her call them mom and dad.
When her own parents weren't there for her, Tony and Pepper were. For every fight with her parents and school dance, for her first date, boyfriend and heartbreak, for every birthday and Christmas, for every single event in her life, the Starks were there. Ava and Adam might have been her biological parents but Tony and Pepper were the ones who raised her into the woman she was.
"You're thinking about it too aren't you?" Morgan asked.
"About what?"
"The day we first met."
Avelyn had to admit that Morgan's sense of perception was annoyingly uncanny, "Yeah, I am. How'd you know?"
"Because I was thinking about it too." Morgan's voice was wistful and longing and in that moment, the air was thick with nostalgia. The memories of childhood innocence and naivete, of the happier days before the heartbreak and pain swirling around them and for the first time in a while, the coffee shop didn't seem so gray.
It was like the cloud of hopelessness and broken dreams surrounding the place had been lifted and Avelyn felt something in her chest, that hadn't been there in a while: the joy and hope she'd had the day she'd signed on the line to buy the shop.
The moment left as quickly as it came but Avelyn knew that something had changed.
Taking a deep breath, she smiled at Morgan, "Let's get out of here, we got a club that's calling our name."
"Now, that's the spirit Lynn." Morgan clapped her hands excitedly.
When Avelyn stepped around the counter, Morgan wrapped her hand in hers and began pulling her towards the door and despite all the craziness of the world, right then and there, it was like she and Morgan, were just two little kids running hand in hand on the playground, like they used to years ago.
"Thank you."
"Always."
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When Morgan parked the Porsche in her driveway, Avelyn had never been more happy to get the hell out of a car. Morgan, just like her father drove like a maniac, she was pretty sure they'd committed at least fifteen driving offenses. The fact that they hadn't been pulled over was nothing short of a miracle.
"Now I remember why I don't get into cars with you." Avelyn gasped clutching her hand to her chest.
"Don't be such a baby Lynnie." Morgan rolled her eyes.
"I'm not a baby Morgs, you're just crazy."
Too caught up in their argument, they didn't even realise that Tony was walking towards them.
"Well, I see my car made it back in one piece."
Morgan shrugged, "I learnt to drive from you daddy."
"Which is exactly why I'm scared. Avelyn looks like you nearly killed her." Tony said taking in Avelyn's shaking form.
"Dad, I'm telling you she's a psychopath." Avelyn wrapped her arms around him in a hug. Tony smiled as he held her, "I missed you around here kiddo."
"I missed you guys too." In Tony's familiar arms, she felt at ease.
"Then maybe you should come round more often, you've always been my favorite child." Tony teased.
"Hey!" Morgan objected.
"I'm just joking Morgan, I love you both equally. Now why don't you kids run in and see your mom."
Walking into the Stark mansion was like coming home. The walls were covered in pictures of Tony, Pepper, Morgan and her, unlike her house where if you didn't know that Forsythes had a fifth child, no one would know about Avelyn.
As they walked towards the stairs, they heard the familiar clack of heels on the marble tiles and turned to see Pepper running towards them.
"Lynnie it's so good to see you again, I've missed you." Pepper squealed pulling Avelyn into a hug.
"I missed you too mom."
"How's the shop going?"
"Its honestly a mess." Morgan piped up. Avelyn turned and glared at her. Morgan shrugged innocently, "I'm just being honest."
"I wish you'd let us help you. We're more than willing." Pepper said gently.
Avelyn sighed, maybe it was time she put aside her pride and take the offer because if she didn't start making money soon, she'd lose the shop.
"I'll think about it, I promise."
Pepper smiled, "Good, do you girls want snacks or anything?"
Morgan rolled her eyes, "Mom, we're twenty six and going drinking, we do not need snacks."
"Lynn just make sure that she eats something. You know how she gets when she gets drunk on an empty stomach." Tony says walking into the room and pulling Pepper into a hug.
After holding back Morgan's hair in various club bathrooms for years and putting up with the crying and the extreme hangovers, Avelyn knew better and she mouthed a yes to Tony over Morgan's protests.
The familiarity of going out with her friends and just being back here with her family made Avelyn the happiest that she'd been in so long and internally she committed herself to having fun tonight because she deserved it. She swore not to think about her family or the shop or even Bucky but just to let loose and enjoy her first night out in over a year.
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I hope you enjoyed the chapter and my taglist is open if anyone wants to be tagged for this story or all of my fics.
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insensitivesurgeon7 · 4 years
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Original strange story
‹ Always with me ›
❤️Woman/Womаn❤️
Valeria/Emilia
rating: PG-13
genres: drama, romance
warnings: ER, POV, death of the main character, non-linear narrative
———————
— How far can you go?
— Well, at least smile at me, at such an important moment.
— Look, you're glowing!I don't know what it is, but it definitely suits you.Always be like this.
The performances of the terrible! The audience is not interested in this at all, on the contrary, they look at me with horror and disgust, turn pale and burst into screams at what is happening on the stage. Insultingly. Am I making such an effort for such uneducated trash? No one appreciates my efforts, no one except...
Emiliа.
She never missed a single performance of mine, never took her burning eyes off the stage, and looked right into my soul. A bright ray stood out in the crowd of gray and gloomy gentlemen, almost jumping out of the chair in the first row and breaking her voice in one and the same phrase: "encore!"
— And now, ladies and gentlemen, the real horror of this neighborhood will be on the scene. Many lost their minds just seeing it!
The audience was simply dumbfounded, not knowing what else to expect this evening. Some covered themselves with their hands, and others wrapped themselves in their clothes, so as not to see even greater horrors. But that's what they came for, isn't it? So why are sobs and angry exclamations heard instead of cheers?
But only the tiny girl in the front row was waiting with lively interest for the miracle I had prepared especially for her. I removed the fake smile from my face and put on a genuine, real one that was meant only for her.
It's strange, but I don't remember what happened after the intermission. Right now, I'm standing at the door of the dressing room, not understanding how I got here. There was no memory of me going up to my room. Only the people actively moving towards the exit; the head of that old lady with wide eyes, which I held so carefully in my hands; the floorboards stained with dirty blood; the bright image of Emilia…
Still, I burst into the dressing room with a cry of joy, plopping down in an old ragged chair with gold upholstery on the uneven edges. I couldn't help but laugh out loud, throwing my head back. Why was I having so much fun? I suppose I was amused by the ladies, who were as pale as toadstools, who threw up their hands in fright, and who, forgetting their proprieties, screamed like slaughtered pigs. But the laughter didn't last long. I stopped abruptly and looked at the floor mirrors. I liked the reflection: my glasses had slid sideways; my hair, which had been so neatly arranged a few hours ago, was completely disheveled; my shirt was soaked with the blood of the old lady who had been so impudent.
I grinned even harder, my uneven smile with crooked teeth looking creepy, and my gaze, wild and triumphant, lingered in the background. A skeleton in a worn maroon dress and a dark wig with dirty patches.
— How do I look? — Emilia was busy twirling around the mirror, looking at herself from different angles. The full silk dress suited her immensely, and the hem of it rose above the tiled floor as she danced, exposing her pale little legs. She looked like a fragile butterfly whose wings were scorched by a scarlet flame.
— Honey, you look beautiful! — There was no lie in what I said, I really thought she looked amazing. Although in fact, it always looks like this.
— Oh, dear, are you here yet? How did you manage to get here before me?
I got up and went to my beloved, kneeling across from her and taking the leather-gloved hand in my palm, gently stroking the uneven surface with my fingers and gazing in awe at the empty eye sockets.
— Emilia, how do you like my performance? Did you like it? I tried my best, really! — She didn't say anything, just tilted her head, and the wig slid to the right. — Why aren't you talking? Did I do something wrong? I thought I had prepared only the best…
She doesn't answer, why? Did she enjoy it so much that she was speechless? Or is it so bad that she won't talk to me? But wait…
My head is full of holes. How could I forget our anniversary? I slapped my hand against my forehead, looking down guiltily. — Now you must be offended with me." You know what, let me fix it! I'll have a small dinner for the two of us, with your favorite music playing. Just give me some time, okay? — I looked at Emilia with pleading eyes, and I thought she was breaking down a little, but she nodded slightly. Or was it my imagination? .No.
— How soon? — Emilia tapped her heel impatiently, fidgeting with the bandage.
I untied the tight knot of the ribbon, and Emilia closed her eyes for a moment, shielding her hand from the bright light. At the same moment, her eyes widened at what she saw.
— You… Did you do all this? — she gazed with fascination at the ornate gazebo I'd been working on day and night for so long, given its taste. She always wanted a gazebo on this hill next to the twin oaks, and with a view of the cemetery.
— Do you like? - the smile did not leave my face, the pleasant surprise in Emilia's eyes made me happy. She didn't say anything, just came over and hugged me tightly, murmuring her thanks in a low voice. It was an important gift for her. I never understood why she wanted it so much, she only spoke in vague riddles that I never understood.
I stroked her hair, lifted her in my arms, and sat her down in the big chair, getting as close to her face as I could, feeling her hot breath and the tips of her dark brown hair tickling my cheeks.
— We have the whole night at our disposal... — My voice became eerily low, piercing the silence of the night. In an instant, the reddened Emilia smiled at the corners of her mouth, enticing me into a kiss with her soft pink lips…
The air was cool, and it enveloped my legs and crawled slowly down my back, penetrating my sensitive areas, feverishly tickling my skin. All life seemed to have died out: there was no sound of the confused rustle of leaves that sometimes fell to the ground, no cry of night birds that suddenly appeared from behind the trees, and even the old guard singing sailor songs, even he seemed to be gone.
But to be honest, I didn't care at all. But worried whether it Emiliа?
— The sky is unusually clear today, and the stars seem to Shine brighter today. — Trying to start a conversation and filling the glasses with sweet wine, I took a small SIP, watching the behavior of my beloved. Who behaved... in no way. Her skeleton was leaning back against the carved back of a chair, and her wonderfully shaped skull was hidden behind the remnants of artificial hair. She sat at a little distance from me and looked like a statue ready to shatter at any moment.
There was no response, and the silence was annoying.
I couldn't help laughing as I fiddled with the crystal glass filled with sparkling cherry liquid: too much resemblance to the blood of Emilia. So sweet, with a metallic taste, I remember there was a lot of it…
— Your death pleases me, because now we can always be together! Isn't that great?!
In my arms rested a cooling, lifeless body, dripping blood and staining everything possible. Her eyes were glassy, and there was a pain in them that pleased me so much. Still, I was a little disappointed.
— You promised to die with a smile on your face and a ringing laugh, welcoming a new world for yourself with open arms, so why did you scream and struggle, showering me with curses and bitter tears?
It was as if I felt my beloved's gaze on me, the emptiness of her once-bright brown eyes tearing at my soul, making me shudder with unpleasant memories. She still hasn't said a word. I was beginning to worry about it.
— Oh, honey, are you still mad?I have forgiven you for your incomprehensible affair, so be consistent. — the corners of his mouth twitched convulsively, the glass swayed in a trembling hand, and a scarlet drop fell on the snowy tablecloth, spreading across the rough patterns.
— Stop following me! I told you everything yesterday! We are no more!
— You seem to have forgotten something, my dear — there was a short click, and the revolver in my hand was aimed at a tall, slender young man with large blue eyes.
- No!..
Suppressing a sudden surge of anger, I tried to smile amiably, but I could feel my face shuddering, contorting into a terrible grimace.
— Why are you silent? We see each other so rarely, and the luxury we are allowed now will not come for a long time. So why don't you use it? — She didn't even look at me. What am I talking about, she didn't even touch the holiday table!
— Please say a word! Is that so much to ask?! — My left eye twitched nervously, the first tears came to the corners, and my voice trembled treacherously. I didn't like it, but Emilia seemed to enjoy it. Why do I hear her low, angry laugh?!
I swallowed hard and tried to keep my composure, but it didn't work. I stood up and walked resolutely toward Emilia, hovering over her skeleton, which seemed to me to have shrunk in size. Hot tears ran down my cheeks and into my mouth, and my chest ached, and my laughter was unhealthy.
— Y-You... you like hurting me, don't you? — choking back tears and laughing hysterically, I barely managed a few more words. — Answer me! — I must have looked pathetic from the outside.
No attention, but there was a mocking look directed at me, at my hands, or rather at my prosthetics.
— Are you so concerned that you cut off your own hands?!
— Answer me, you insensitive bitch!— I took her chin in my hand and looked into her empty eye sockets. Oh, my dear, where is your charming gaze? What happened to your velvety voice that soothed me in the evenings? And your delicate skin, pale and sore, where did it go, do you want to tell me?
It was very painful. Very. I've never felt such pain in my life. I couldn't see much because of the tears, and the bubbling, broken laughter tore at my chest.
Something cold touched my face, wiping away tears. These were the knuckles of Emilia's fingers, painfully prickling at the corners of my reddened, I'm sure, eyes. My hand held tight to the radius of my beloved, as if afraid to lose it again, afraid to let go, and the brush of a somewhat yellowed bone soothed my cheeks, and I felt a little relieved.
— Forgive me… Please, I'm sorry, I'm sorry ... — I whispered endlessly, burying my face in the crumpled fabric somewhere in the area of my collarbone, my free hand clutching the fragile piece of bone.
— It's our holiday, isn't it? — I looked at Emilia's face with genuine love as I got up from my knees. — We haven't lost anything yet, so let's dedicate ourselves to each other under these sparkling stars!
— This is my favorite artist playing! Lehr, let's dance!
Everyone was looking at us that night.
Light jazz began to play, and Emilia's favorite tune turned on. You could see that she brightened and seemed to straighten up. I asked her to dance by pulling on me, and she plopped her skull on my neck, and I just giggled. She's funny. Trying to keep my balance, I put one hand on her waist and the other connected with the bone of her wrist, and she bent over and looked at me. I could see her confusion.
We began to circle slowly to the music, keeping our eyes on each other. Even though Emilia no longer had them, I still knew that she was looking at me, and only at me.
— You will always be with me.
———————
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simply-sams-things · 5 years
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We can try to make it work
Something I thought of a few days ago.
Reader is 13 weeks pregnant in the beginning
Spelling is not the best cuase I'm tired.
Summary:You meet the cast of Bohemian Rhapsody 6 weeks after you found out you were expecting your ex boyfriends baby. He knew but wanted nothing to do with you or the baby. So you put on a brave face and continued your daily life but with a bump. You are a make up artist for big movies and today was your first day on the Bohemian Rhapsody set. You were excited becuase its a Queen biopic which who dosent love Queen!?
****************
You walked into the tralior you parked next to which said Joe Mazzello and Ben Hardy on it because thats were you were told to go. You felt a little sick but you took a bottle of ginger ale in your purse incase you got sick. You walked in to see a man with lite brown hair and a man with blond hair trying to make a conversation but failing.
"Hi I'm Y/N nice to meet you" you started off when you put your purse on the counter with your name on it.
"Hi I'm Ben. Ben Hardy" the blonde one said putting his hand out for you to shake. You shook it.
"Nice to meet you Ben" you said "and you are?" You said looking at the brown haired man.
"Joe. Uh Joe Mazzello" he replied
"Well hi Joe I guess I'm doing your make up today since your in my chair but we can't start till 8 and its 7 so we have an hour" you told him. "Ben I think Ryan will be here in about ten minutes so dont worry you're not being left out"
Ben chuckled and said he was going to go find some food and asked if anyone wanted anything the both of you said no but thanks for offering.
"So Joe where ya from" you started
"New York. You?"
"Oh I'm from ______"
"How long have you been doing makeup if you dont mind me asking"
"Well since I was small but I didnt get into it until I was in high school and after high school I went to beauty school which lead me into the film industry and now I'm here"
"How about you with acting?"
"Oh I've been doing it since I was very young and I played in some big roles but now im playing John Deacon in a Queen biopic which is amazing" he said excitingly
"You were in Jurrasic Park" you realized
"Yes yes I was!" He said laughing which caused you to giggle.
Ryan walked in at that time and said hello and set up his situation and you realised you had to set yours up. Joe watched you and you knew so you simply gave him a smile through the mirrior which cuase him to blush.
You felt it get hot in the tralior suddenly and took your sweater off showing your tiny bump and Joes eyes quickly adverted away from it as soon as he realised he was staring at it.
"Joe its okay to stare at it I dont mind" you told him knowing the look he gave it. It was one everyone gave after they saw it. Mabye it was becuase of no ring on your finger or mabye it was becuase you were only 25. Either way who knows you were used to it.
"Sorry I just umm wasnt expecting a bump"
"Nobody does but it kinda happens when you get pregnant mine just popped out a few days ago" you said with a chuckle.
"Sorry again"
"Dont be Joe its okay I dont mind you looking at it just don't stare at it to long cuase that's a bit weird" another laugh to lighten the mood. Ryan had no idea what was going on and just listened to the strange conversation unfolding in front of him. Ben, thank god, walked in and sat down and greeted Ryan. It was 7:30 so you thought it was a good idea to start Joes look but of course the second wave of nausea washed over you and Joe noticed.
"Y/N you okay?" He asked you.
"Yeah just wait a bit I'll be back in a minute" you grabbed your Ginger ale and walked outside in the still cold morning air. You walked around the trailor and sat on the curb. You were chugging the Ale and didn't notice Joe looking at you.
"Are you okay?" His question scared you and you jumped. "Sorry. Sorry didnt mean to scare you just making sure you're okay." He sat down next to you.
"Yeah no its okay I'm fine Joe go back inside I'll be there in a few minutes just needed air"
"Are you sure it looked like you were going to get sick"
"Just morning sickness thats all but it wont be until a few more weeks till its gone im fine though really" you told the man.
"Okay well I dont want to be rude and leave you so I'll stay here with you until you want to go and do my face"
You laughed. "You dont have to but thanks I'm ready to go back just needed fresh air."
You both walked in and you did your thing while only almost throwing up once. You walked to set together and for the next six weeks you talked about your families and lives and you had enough courage to tell Joe about your situation with the babys father with the rest of the cast one night at dinner.
"Wow thats just a loss for him" he told you.
"What do you mean?" You asked
"He misses out on being in the life of a child and its mom" he said
"Joe are you flirting with your makeup artist?" Rami, the man who plays Freddie Mercury, asked Joe. You had grown close to the rest of the cast quickly and helping them when their personal artist were not around.
"No I'm just saying he lost something a lot of people want to have" Joe said looking any were but your eyes. At the time of the conversation you were 19 weeks.
Gwilym, Brian Mays actor portrayal, noticed the tension and asked you a question you never thought about.
"So Y/N are going to find out the gender?"
"Well I haven't thought about it yet" And the truth was you hadn't then you realised that appointment was in three days. "Crap I have an appointment in a few days"
"Why is that a bad thing?" Lucy asked. Mary Austins look alike.
"No its not but I have nobody to come with" you said with a frown. Everybody looked at you and then Joe and then back to you and then back to Joe.
"What?" Joe asked.
Ben then spoke up.
"How about Joe and I go with you? If thats okay with you of course"
"That would be lovely Joe you listening?" You asked
"Yes I am but that's your thing I dont want to interrupt that moment"
Everyone groaned.
"Joe its alright you and Ben can come with I think it would make it more interesting to be very honest."
Two days later Ben texted the group chat saying he can't go cuase he had a date. But Joe and you knew what he was doing. He pulled a move were three people had plans but the one who invited backs out and leaves the other two too do the thing.
Joe picked you up so you didn't waste gas and energy and he wanted to talk about the whole Ben thing.
"Y/N you look lovely this morning" he said when you opened the door. You were wearing leggings and a black maternity shirt that said 'coming this June' as well as a big jacket.
"Well thank you and you look good as well" you told him. Joe was wearing jeans and a blue shirt and a jacket. Simple outfit for a normal thing he thought.
He opened the car door for you and went to the driver side and started the car and the radio was turned on full blast which Joe had forgotten about and apologized when turning it down.
You were laughing and said its okay multiple times. Joe was embarrassed.
At the appointment you had to get your blood drawn and was going to get called back right before you found out the baby's gender. You hate the thought of your blood getting drawn. It scared you to the point were you wanted to leave.
"Hey its okay but you need to do this I'm right here incase you need me" he told you.
"Can you come back with me please?"
"Of course"
"Y/N Y/L/N" a nurse called "Hi I'm nurse Gina your husband can come with you cuase we will head right to the ultrasound room after the test"
"Oh he's not my husband just a friend" you explained
"Umm okay well he can come back"
"Joe?" You motioned for him to follow
You sat in the chair and set your arm out while Gina put the blue band above your vein. Joe noticed your scared face and put his hand out for you to hold. You grabbed it and he started to distract you.
"So Y/N what do you want the gender to be?"
"Oh I dont know a boy maybe?"
"A boy would be nice you can teach him all your tricks to make people focus like you do on set"
"Yeah" you felt the needle but then it was done and you looked over and saw that she was done. You let go of Joe's hand and said sorry for crushing it.
You were taken back to the room and you got on the table and gave Joe your purse.
"Okay so I'm swole right now so dont judge my mountain" you said with a chuckle
"I would never" he said bashfully. You lifted your shirt and Joe poked it. Making you laugh.
"Okay Y/N this will be what?" Gina asked
"Cold!" Joe and you said at the same time and that caused you all to burst into a fit of giggles. You wondered how Joe knew that.
"Here we go" Gina said and put the cold gel on your belly and then the doppler. She started with the normal stuff like heart and brain and lung growth and she even did the heartbeat. Joe was amazed by that part. And then Gina took a few pictures of the baby.
"Alright are you finding out the Gender today?" She asked
"Yes we are" You replied
"So let me just go and find were the part is cuase your baby is kinda low but thats great right now cause it needs to be head down for delivery" she said while moving the device around your belly.
"Its a.....boy!"
"Really!?" You asked about to cry and then you looked at Joe who had a big smile which cuased you to cry.
"Yep! And he is very healthy so dont worry about that. I'll leave you two be" Gina said cleaning off your belly and leaving. Joe helped you get off the table and gave you a hug and kiss on the head.
"You got your boy"
"I did!" You exclaimed still crying
"Hey why you crying?"
"Oh just becuase in happy and hormonal."
"Lets go get brunch to celebrate there is a nice place down the street"
"Okay!"
A few weeks later it was the week before Christmas and you were going to visit your family at your grandparents cabin in Vermont but you had told them you were bringing your boyfriend. Problem was you didnt have one and that's how you ended up on Joe's front door step scared shitless and wanting to leave but as you were about to leave Joe opened the door.
"Y/N is what are you doing here? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?" He asked pulling you inside.
"Yeah everything's good nothings wrong. you were leaving I should go" you said turning but Joe grabbed your hand.
"No whats going on? My date can wait family is first"
"Date? Joe go its fine it doesn't matter"
"Yes it does Y/N whats up?" He said pushing you to the couch and sitting down next to you.
"Well umm okay so I'm in big trouble with my family" you started "I told my family that I have a boyfriend and that I would bring him for Christmas but you see I dont have one and now I'm going to show up pregnant which they know but I told them that I was still with his father but obviously I'm not cuase he's a dick and is a no-show to anything" you said fast needing to take a breathe.
"I dont understand why you're here though" he told you
"I was going to ask if you wanted to come to my familys cabin and pretend to be my boyfriend but now I feel like an idiot so I should just go" you started to get up but Joe pulled you back down and into his lap.
"Joe I'm going to break you"
"No you won't" he said "I'll do it"
"You dont have to if you dont want to" you said
"I want to plus it would be fun a free cabin trip"
"Joe are you sure?"
"Yes I am Y/N"
"But dont you want to be with your family I'm sure you do Joe"
"To be honest I was actually going to Rami's house so this is an upgrade" he said with a chuckle.
"Okay then 'boyfriend' what are your limits?"
"What do you mean?"
"What can we do and not do, to convince my family we are a copule?"
He told you all the stuff he was willing to do such as holding hands, hugging and even a kiss on the cheek. You agreed and set your boundaries.
Four days later Joe and you took the journey all the way to Stowe, Vermont to your grandparents cabin. He drove but it took awhile cuase you had to pee a lot but it was still fun. You took pictures in every town you came upon and had lunch in a little town outside of Stowe. When you got to the cabin, your parents were already there including the rest of your family.
"Joe they will ask you a bunch of questions and I'm very sorry about that"
"Its okay, hey its okay are you sure you want to do this?"
"Yes"
"Okay then lets go 'girlfriend'!" And he hopped out of the car and went to open your door. You walked up saying you would get the bags later. When you got to the door your aunt opend it and grabbed you into a big hug saying you has gotten so big since she saw her last and was kissing your face and hair. Joe was trying not to laugh. She saw Joe and brought him into the hug and said welcome to the family.
"Kathy let those children inside they are freezing!" Your mom said.
Aunt Kathy moved and let Joe and you inside. Your mom and dad knew joe and what he was doing so he was happy to have familiar faces around.
"Joe! Y/N! You made it!" Your dad said.
"Yes we did sir" Joe said
"Hopefully she wasn't to much for you!" Your mom said
"Of course not! He on the other had was a bugger!" He said pointing to your belly and laughing. You held on to his hand the whole time.
"What was my grandson doing that could be so annoying?" You mom joked "have you felt him move yet?"
"No not yet but the doc said this week we should feel him move" you said
"Well come on in you must be tired and hungry"
The rest of the day was spent talking and having many family members asking Joe his whole life story and also touching your bump and waiting to feel any movement, but your boy was stubborn and wouldn't budge.
Joe and your dad brought in the bags and took it to your room. You were in the kitchen with your mom when she asked a question.
"Do you like Joe?"
"As a friend yes" you said low incase anyone was listening
"No as boyfriend materiel silly!"
"I dont know mom, he is my best friend in a way. I feel more connected to him more then i do with others. I like him yes but I'm afraid he wont like me back mom."
"Baby he likes you too I can tell by the way he looks at you and trust me I know that look because your father gives that look to food and you know he loves his food"
"Mom!" You said laughing
"What he does!"
Later that night, after your shower you walked into the bedroom and saw Joe on the bed looking at the t.v. looking for a channel. You decided to climb in next to him and try to fall asleep but it was hard cuase it was cild in the room no matter how many blankets you had on you.
"Are you alright?" Joe asked "You're shaking the bed"
"I'm cold" you said sounding hopeless and that broke Joes heart.
"Well we could uhh...if you want to...cuddle to keep you from dying of frost bite?" He finally manged to get out
"Are you sure?"
"Yes"
And before he knew it you were next to him still shivering but next to him. Your swollen belly touching his stomach and your arms pulled close to you while his arms managed to find their way around you. But he started to get annoyed cause you kept poking his stomach.
"Stop poking me"
"I'm not the baby is poking you...wait you can feel that too!" You said looking up at him
"Wait that's the baby!?" He said looking down at you. His hand then found its way onto your belly trying to feel him kick again. You then guided his hand to the right place and he said 'wow' under his breath and you smiled and put your head on his cjest and kept moving his hand wherever the baby was kicking.
"I like you too you know" he said out loud. Your heart went a million times fast becuase he heared your conversation with your mom, but then it sank cuase he probably was doing it only becuase you were a single mom.
"Joe-"
"No listen I like you in fact I love you becuase you are so strong and are raising this little guy all by yourself and the moment you walked into that trailor a few months ago I was certain you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. When you took that sweater off and I saw this guy for the first time I got sad cuase I thought you were taken but when that dickwad of a ex boyfriend called you saying all those horrible things about you at Gwils birthday party I was enraged becuase how could anybody say that to you or anybody-"
He was stop by you becuase your lips were crashing against each other. He sat up more and sitting you into his lap. You leaned back from the kiss smiling.
"Joe I love you and I have since that first day" you gave him another long and passionate kiss. "You have changed my world in so many ways-" you felt a few tears run down your fave. Joe brushed his thumb over your cheek to wipe them away."-I love you so much"
"I love you to Y/N more then the world combined" he said leaning into another kiss but just then your son felt jealous and kicked you extremely hard Joe felt it and winced a little.
"Ow!" You said putting your forehead on Joe's chest and he started rubbing his hands up and down your back.
"Are you okay love?"
"Yeah just hurt a little he must feel left out I guess" you explained
Joe leaned down aa bit just above your belly and started talking to it.
"Hey little man I know you can hear me so listen up! I like your mom a lot and I was trying to kiss her before you made yourself known which is great becuase your moving but before I kiss your mom I want your permission first okay? Can I kiss your mommy?" He asked and you bursted into a fit of laughter.
"Joe!"
"What?" He asked smugly
"He is kicking like crazy now thanks a lot" you said moving off of him and looking at the clock noticing it was 10:30 at night.
"Well I should take that as a yes" he said before moving back down to cuddle you again.
"Okay mister we should go to bed tomorrow is Christmas eve and I'm tired" you said moving your head on his chest and he wrapped you back into hos embrace.
"Damn it" you whisperd
"What?"
"I have to pee."
The next morning as you got dressed you felt a pair of arms wrap around your shoulders and you leand back and looked up at your lover.
"Hi" you beamed up at him.
"Hi" he said before placing a kiss at your lips.
"Are we the real thing now?"
"I guess" he said before spinning you around to hug you.
"Well, boyfriend I'm happy becuase after last night I wanted to eat some sour patch kids and well since you get the honor of being with me this means you get to go to the store and get sour patch kids for me" you squealed patting his chest before looking for your bra and shirt for the day.
"Wait thats no fair I want some too!" He said looking at you looking through the drawrs trying to figure out were you placed your bras.
"Middle one honey" he told you
"How do you know that?"
"I watched you unpack yesterday and then you told me to remind you that you put them in there" he said after pulling his shirt over his head.
"Well I'm going to come to the store with you so i can get my candy as well"
You walked down stairs hand in hand and saw your mom cooking breakfast you then wanted to instantly help but she asked for Joe and told you to find your father. You gave Joe a look but he waved you off and you wandered around looking for your dad.
"Joe I heard you and Y/N talking last night and I couldn't be happier but I want you to know if you hurt my baby and grandbaby in anyway no one will find your body" she told him "understand?"
"Yes Ma'am" he said "I love both of them alot in fact with all my heart and soul. She has changed me and that baby boy has changed me as well. I love them to the moon and back and I could never hurt them."
"Good because they are my world Joe and you are now because you're in our family now! Now help me with this food or your girlfriend will be angry and she is a mean angry hungry person like a very mean one!" She told him pulling him into a hug. She noticed that you and your dad were listening the whole time.
"Ease-droppers!" She exclaimed letting go of Joe who turned around to see you and your dad standing there smiling.
"Mom stop threatening my love" you said going up to give Joe a hug and grab some bacon.
"I will as soon as you stop stealing the food!" She said playfully slapping your hand and you retreated it with two pieces of the bacon and handding one to Joe before walking out to the living room. Your sister was there talking to her husband and watching their three kids play. You had two nephews and a niece. The twins, Gabe and Quinn, we're 6 and Katy was 4. They adored you and when they saw you they all fought about who was going to sit next to you and on your lap.
"Hey kiddos I love you and all but nobody is sitting on my lap" you told them.
"But auntie why!?" Katy asked.
"Well your baby cousin is making it hard for anyone to sit on my lap even doggies can't sit on my lap anymore!" The three gasped.
Then Quinn got down close to your stomach and started talking.
"Hi baby cousin it's your biggest cousin Qinn I want to ask you a favor! Can you move back so I can sit on auntie's lap because I want to and I haven't in a long time love you baby cousin!" Every one in the room chuckled and you sister asked you and Joe a question about the baby.
"Have you guys got a name for him yet? because I have a few!" You looked at Joe who shrugged.
"No we haven't actually but I have thought of a few" you said looking back at her.
"Really? What are they?" Your brother-in-law asked.
"Umm well I liked the name Landon, I thought it was cute. I want a unique name cause I can tell he is going to be an interesting baby already. I also like the name Ashton" Joe watched you and listened with a passion.
"What about you Joe? Do you have any names" your sister asked Joe didn't want to admit but he thought of names for his own children in the future so he just said those ones.
"I like the name Sutton. It's a gender neutral name I've always liked." Your heart melted that was the name but you would tell that Joe later.
"Those are nice names!" Gabe said.
"Yes auntie they are but the name Katy is the best!" Katy said
"Of course it is Katy girl!" You smiled "how about we go play in the snow! So we can pass time while we wait for Grandma to finish breakfast!" You suggested
"Yay!!" Everyone said
*******
After your Christmas Eve feast also known as Chinese food, your whole family say in the living room. You were on the couch and Joe was at you legs while Katy sat on your lap. She somehow fit and because you just ate you knew that the baby would start kicking soon and he did Katy looked up at you in awe and squealed. Everyone looked at you both.
"Auntie's baby is kicking me!" She said joyfully
Everyone rushed over and felt him kick and then they sat down.
"Is it wierd?" Gabe asked
"A little but I'm used to it now"
"Alright kids time for bed because santa is coming tonight!" Your sister said
"Can auntie put us to bed?" The three said all at once rubbing their eyes.
"If she wants to" she looked at you
"Of course I will I am happy too but after you guys are out I'm going to bed because I want to know what santa brought me!" You said heading up stairs behind the three.
Once in their room you tucked the twins in their big bed and gave them a kiss on the heads before going over to Katy's bed and tucking her in.
"Can you sing us a song please?" Quinn said very sleepy sounding.
"Okay loves what song Gabe?"
"I don't" he yawnd "know"
"Well how about moon river? I sang that to all three of you when you were baby's"
"Okay" they said
"Moon river wider than a mile
Crossin' in style someday
My dream maker
Heartbreaker
Wherever you're going I'm going the same
Two drifters off to see the world
It's such a crazy world you'll see (What I see, who I become)
What I see, who I become
We're all chasin' after our end
Chasin' after our ends
Life's just around the bend, my friend
Moon river and me"
You ended the song and kissed all of their heads as they fell into a deep slumber dreaming of tomorrow. The baby was going crazy the whole time and as you walked into your room you saw Joe on the bed with a big smile on his face.
"What? Do I have something on my shirt?"
"No"
"Then why are you smiling like an idiot right now?" He laughed and motioned you to sit on the bed and you did.
"I like your voice"
"You heard that!?"
"Oh yeah and it was beautiful and sexy"
"Joe!"
"It was and it adds another reason to love you even more"
"Thank you for that compliment and I guess your not the only one who thinks so because he was going crazy the whole time!" You kissed Joe and he hummed.
"Sutton is a nice name Joe I like it"
"You do?"
"Yes I do it's a beautiful name"
"I wasn't going to mention it to you but I'm glad you like it." He kissed your head as it laid against his shoulder "Do you want it?"
"What no that's your name babe I could never take it"
"I want you to have it" he thought for a second "well him have it" he rubbed his hand over your belly.
"Are you sure because we can name him something else"
"We?"
"Well yeah because we are together I'm sorry it's to soon I shouldn't have said anything"
"No no no I like it the sound of we and that you trust me with this"
"Joey I love you stop being perfect but don't stop please" you said getting up to change into more comfortable sleep clothes which ended being Joe's shirt and some flannel pants.
"Don't stop being sexy please?" He said while you cuddled into him.
"Okay I won't as long as you're enjoying the veiw I won't!"
******* part 2 coming soon
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Sexuality: No More to say and so over it
A few months after my long term girlfriend and I split up, I ended up in bed with Phillip, A nice guy that I’d known for some time. During the post-sex talk, he turns and asks “So does that mean you’re straight now?” 
“LMFAO” 
‘You’ve got a nice cock and I had a great orgasm, …..but you haven’t awoken anything in me that wasn’t already there. You cannot ‘make’ me straight and no one forced me to fuck you’ 
Infact, No one else would sexually awaken anything in me. Not the next guy after Phil, or the guy after that guy, or the girl after the guy after Phil. The list goes on and the list started waaaay back into my early teens. I've always been open, I was experimenting with drugs and people at a young age, I had a threesome with a guy and a girl when I was just 18. When I look back, I must admit that was very young for such an experience, but I just went with the flow. I don’t regret it, but I wish I had done it at a later age to really make the most of it and have the emotional maturity that you need to go with it. 
I’ve been listening to an interview with Kate Pierson (B52’s) and she has recently married her long term partner, a woman that she has dated for 15 years. She said that she had always dated men, and was even married before and that this lady came along and bang she was in love, just like that. Kate Pierson is now 71, So this is her 55-year-old self experiencing a major transition and shift in her life. Whilst trawling through the B52s back catalog online I read so many comments from random fans. ‘She's a lesbian’ ‘I never knew’ ‘But she was married to so and so’ and this is exactly the snooze fest that I am writing about today. Yawn...... If she spent 40 years with different men and now met a woman, perhaps shes just er just bisexual? And more importantly, shouldn’t we be interested in the music and her voice? As much as I love her, when all is said and done I don’t really want to think about the bedroom antics of a 71-year-old yknow.  
What is it with the labels?  
It’s like no one is comfortable until they know exactly which box you belong in, and if you stray from that box then their tiny minds scramble and system overload occurs. ‘ANNOUNCE YOURSELF AT ONCE’ ‘What are you?’ and ‘Don’t you dare have options or change, it doesn’t fit with the label I’ve prescribed you’.  
Before we label Kate a lesbian, how about we mention that she’s a brilliant talented vocalist with over 40 years in the band? Or is that how we are defining her now ‘The lesbian’?. *Insert laughing emoji here* 
“Bisexuals always get dumped on,” says Cynthia Nixon from Sex in the City...The Media has too labeled her a lesbian when much like Kate Pierson, she was in fact with men and entered into this new world later on in her life. It’s like now we must erase her whole previous life and deny that any man has ever come close to her! How dare she now turnaround and say she's’ attracted to men! How fucking dare she, she’s lesbian property now and she has no voice! She never said she was anything, You did!   
I thought, ‘I get it! I get You, I just get it’. She’s attracted to people, they may be male or they may be female yet shes being kettled to a place she never asked to be. It really is that simple. Should her current relationship end, nothing stops her going back to men, dating another woman or even staying single. Your past partners do not mean that your future self is set in stone. It’s not difficult to understand really is it?  
But! And there is a But!  
Say Cinthia and her gf/wife did break up and she dated a man. She won’t find it that easy, because of what I call, the whole ‘lesbian fragility’ - Gay women who pride themselves on being with women and only women and god fucking forbid should you show any interest in a guy. Well, You are now damaged goods my girl. A sell-out, banished!....exiled from the pride....like the Lioness in last weeks BBC Planet Earth. How can you and the gay community ever really watch the L Word again together or listen to Ani Difranco in the same way? ‘It’s just not the same’ they’ll whine.  
I’m being serious. There is a reverse discrimination within the gay community! I’ve seen it first hand. I’ve seen a few women in same sex relationships end, then go for a guy and their ‘friends’ no longer feel the same way about them, there’s no time to hang out anymore and she is “too busy with her straight friends”.  
Awwwww did someone emasculate you? 
I’ve never really enjoyed the company of gay women if I'm honest. I always found their friendships forged on sharing of sexual preference rather than common interest, views or hobbies. I usually think their haircuts are shit and they present me with this feeling where they are unsure if they want to fuck me or fight me. Very awkward, not to mention its a very childish and incestuous scene.  
I have seen this so many times with women, either in a same sex or opposite and then switch later on down the line which is what I mean about experience and just understanding those around you. I think a lot of women are on the bi spectrum. Not all, no, but a lot are, and sexuality is fluid.  About three months ago my cock hungry straight friend told me she’d met some woman online and is now having the best sex of her life! Great, wonderful, Whoppie.  So how do I label her? …....‘Err Mary’......... I label her Mary. I can’t really call her cock hungry right now, so I’ll just label her ‘Hungry Mary’. 
One of my oldest friends is gay – full blown lesbian, never been with a guy but totally cool with every bi girl that has. She and I sit on a different part of the spectrum, but she gets it and like myself she gives those around her that mutual respect and safe space to be who they are. If she turned around tomorrow and said she’s dating a guy, I wouldn’t be shocked, not because she has ever indicated that she likes guys, but simply because people change.  
I know three guys that have also experimented with other guys, would identify as straight and two of the three have long term girlfriends and kids. I just think at the time they took the ‘any holes a goal’ attitude and like my younger self, just went with the flow. 
As we age and grow the fuck up, this should be more accepted and we should just allow people to do who and what they want without the questions, especially the silly questions. It’s really mind numbingly boring, not to mention so nosey!? Jeez, get your own life in order. Despite my ramblings, I'm actually a pretty private person.  I just don’t discuss my private life or anyone I’m dating, I have so many transient non-committal interactions with people that I just don’t feel I need to. 
 I’ve been chatting to some people for ages, and I still wouldn’t discuss parts of my life with them. I keep my circle so small, and If we don’t click like that, we don’t click like that. It’s cool, because there is far more to me and far more to you than who we have in our beds right? I cant imagine meeting someone and asking them, “so what are ya?” CRINGE. I’d die. I’ve got some friends that I’ve spoken to for years, we’ve had really great conversations and it’s never occurred to me to stop and ask ‘do you have a partner? Are you gay?’  
The small circle of friends that I have know me, they get me and that’s my safe space.  
I do find some of the questions and statements really annoying, and if I’m honest just plain weird. I have an irritating male friend in that likes to continually remind me that I’m attracted to women, and of course, there is no way that I can be attracted to men, because I’m not attracted to him..... *eye roll* Dick! It’s like me saying to someone, ‘but you said you like mixed raced girls, so why don’t you like me’ it’s really really weird and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Its uncomfortable because he cannot address or acknowledge his own fascination with bisexuality and cannot stop mentioning it every time he sees me? He makes out he is cool and open-minded, yet I seem to be the topic of convo or butt of his jokes. Address your homophobia or your weird unrequited sexualisation of me whatever the issue is. Seek help mate, Your issue not mine. 
I cannot recall being asked what two women do in bed, but I have heard of it being asked to other people. It’s hilarious. I honestly believe that if you are over 25 and cannot work that out then you have a really dull imagination and I’d bet you are not very experienced. Not necessarily in bedding two women at once, but just in experiencing people; hearing their stories, watching porn, understanding their anatomy and physiology. OR You are being a menace and condescending..... I’ve never seen two men at it live, but I’m pretty sure I know how it goes down ;-)  
Sometime ago I spent a fair amount of time at a bdsm sex dungeon helping out an old friend. Id mostly film her sessions, and now and then Id help out by giving some guys the odd little kick in the nuts etc. Boy, I could write a whole new blog on that experience LOL! I saw some things!  
Meeting all the different types of people that came in the dungeon really opened my eyes to the world of sex and sexuality and just what turns people on. You really cannot judge what people are into, and you’d never know. It’s funny, the ‘geezers’ that make the gay jokes about bumming are often the same ones that ask the women to wear strap ons ;-). People have their quirks and their kinks, they just hide it well BELIEVE me. 
I’ve seen a lot and I’m very open and not much phases me, but because I’m not phased, or excited by the gossip or the fascination of it all I'm over it. …....over the labels, the questions, the presumptions, opinions and the basic inability to let people do what they want in peace. So because of this I decided a long time ago that I’m actually over my sexuality and stopped speaking about it  back in my twenties. 
Yawn.  
No one owns me and no one dictates.
I’m not anything, I’m just me in that particular point of time. No path is set and I answer to no one except who’s in my bed. 
Keep your own truth
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Hey Reluctant you remember that tragic fic you wrote about Dorian leaving Varlen bc he refused to stay behind while Dorian went to Tevinter? since I've been thinking about it again and it's re-broken my heart, could you pretty please maybe do a short sequel where Varlen follows Dorian to Tevinter anyway and keeps him safe from the shadows, something with a happy ending? Bc I'm dying still thinking about my boys sad and lonely even if the fic isnt technically canon its still breaking my heart ;~;
PHEW. Sorry about this taking SO LONG to actually get to, but it ended up much longer than I anticipated. Because of that, I have uploaded it to AO3 in chapters for ease of reading (LINK HERE), but will also put it here for people who don’t mind… y’know… a lot of scrolling >.>
Also HERE is the break-up fic in question, in case people are interested
Things Thought Lost (Pavellan, Post-Trespasser)
Varlen Lavellan x Dorian Pavus, approx 8500 words. CW: violence, attempted assassination.
“Magister Pavus?”
Dorian groaned softly, the fingers of hisleft hand rubbing a tired circle against his temple. “Yes, yes. What is it?”
The scribe entered; a mouse of a thing calledAdiran. New to the household, he bobbed his head deferentially, and with theMaker as his witness, Dorian swore the young man’s knees were trembling.“T-There has been a change of venue for your meeting with Magister Tellene.Instead of the upper chambers, she has requested you meet her at the,u-um…“ He paused, glancing hurriedly at his board, which quivered andjumped in the air. “The Gilder.”
One dark brow arched high on Dorian’sforehead. “Harbour-side? An interesting choice for a lady with such a notabledislike of salt air.” The young man opened his mouth as if to beg apology, butDorian quickly waved a hand. “No matter, no matter. Thank you, Adiran. Informher that I will be present at the agreed upon time.” Typically, Dorian wouldmake a show of rescheduling entirely, as was common practice within theImperium when one wanted to assert one’s status over another. Or be a little petty. However,if he was to ever bring forth discussion of the treatment of slaves in themagisterium, he needed Tellene on side. She was old blood – something that carriedgreat weight in a nation stained red. Her support would be invaluable. Despitehis better judgement, he had little choice but to attend whatever she deignedto organise. If he did not establish an alliance now, someone else wouldinevitably beat him to it. It was not something he could afford.
Sighing softly, he pushed himself to hisfeet, chair sliding out behind him along the soft carpet. Moving to thefloor-length mirror, Dorian took a moment to adjust his attire, tugging hisrobe slightly, reasserting the perfectly effortless flow required of his cloak.He would not be wearing his insignia of office this time. Not if he was toventure so far from the heart of the Magisterium. It would be interesting, hesupposed. He had yet to visit the harbour since his magnificent return toTevinter. It held a rather significant number of fond memories.
All he hoped was that the meeting would gosmoothly, and those memories would not be replaced by something comparablydark.
The Gilder was decidedly… unremarkable. Nice,mind you, but most things in that part of the city could at the very least bedescribed as nice. Dorian exited his carriage with a nod to his driver, Valus, who wouldwait for however long the meeting took. Adiran hurried out behind him, carryinga stack of papers and ink to transcribe should the casual conversation take amore formal turn. It might not be needed, but Dorian always found it better tobe prepared, and the young man seemed as though he would benefit from theexcursion.
“Try to calm down,” he said to Adiran as they approached the establishment. “I brought you here as a member of myhousehold staff. Do try to look the part, yes?”
“Y-Yes, Magister Pavus.” Adiran swallowedtightly, sweat beading on his brow. “I’ll… I can do it. I’ll be fine.”
Dorian’s expression softened slightly as theyascended the steps to the entrance. “There. That’s the spirit. Just stay withme and look interested in what’s happening.” He paused as Adiran hurriedforward to get the door, then as he passed, he fixed the scribe with a sidelongglance. “But not too interested.”
The young man paled again. It was a bit cruelto tease him, but Dorian couldn’t help himself. It was the sort of thing thatwould have earned a soft snort of amusement from his companions back inFerelden. A touch of the arm. A bright smile. Silver hair swept over oneshoulder, blue eyes gleaming with barely contained laughter…
Dorian caught himself mid-thought, startledthat his mind had wandered so far from its course. No. Now is not the time for such…distraction. He needed tobe focused. This meeting could make or break half a year’s worth of work. Ifhis thoughts were elsewhere, it could lead to disaster. He had to deny them, nomatter how desperately they wished to elope.
“The meeting is upstairs, Magister Pavus.”Adiran, who had been swift to hurry over to a richly attired man with a ledger,returned just as quickly, his brown hair tousled, green eyes bright withnervous energy. “Shall I lead the way and ah… introduce you? Is that, um… howthis goes?”
“Yes. If you please.” Dorian’s response wasclipped, his mind still distant as he followed the young man. Why think ofVarlen? Why now? Was it because there was so much at stake? Was it because he wasfeeling so very out of his depth?
Or was it because, if he were to be perfectlyhonest, he would give anything in the world for Varlen to be the one currently standing by hisside.
You are the one who set thatship to sail, you know, Dorianchided himself silently as he followed Adiran up two flights of carpeted stairsto the room. Thenyou launched a fireball and burned it to ash for good measure. You have no one toblame but yourself. He is not coming back.
It was a bitter thing, to consider how muchhe had already been forced to give up to become Magister Pavus. Maker’s breath,he had yet to decide if it had even been worth it. Perhaps, if he could doenough good here, he might be able to make it safe. Yes… yes, if he could dothat, Varlen might just…
Dorian’s thought was cut short as Adiranknocked meekly on the door of one of the rooms. Good grief, even his knock wasmouse-like. Dorian would have to work on that with him; give the young man abit more presence. It would do him no good to come across as so fragile. People arewant to take advantage of such individuals, particularly in the Imperium.
There was a soft affirmation from beyond thedoor, and Adiran took a steadying breath, steeling himself. He glanced back atDorian, who gave him an encouraging nod despite feeling almost sick with nerveshimself. But to offer support was only fair; Dorian had been the one to insiston Adiran’s involvement, after all. It was the least he could do. To Dorian’ssurprise, the young man actually mustered a flicker of a smile, standing alittle taller before turning the gold-coated handle and pushing open the door.It swung on perfectly oiled hinges, revealing the lamp-lit room beyond. Chin raised,knees still shaking slightly, Adiran stepped in ahead of Dorian, as wasprotocol. When he spoke, his voice rang out with unexpected clarity.
“Magister Tellene and valued associates, itis my honour to present the esteemed Magister Pavus, son of the late HalwardPavus, member o—”
It had been difficult for Dorian to keep aproud smile off his face at Adiran’s confident tone, but he had managed upuntil the young man suddenly cut off, his introduction coming to a jarring haltmidway through. Dorian frowned, brow creasing in mingled disappointment andconcern as he stepped forward to usher Adiran aside, assuming the scribe’snerves had simply overcome him. No matter. There would be other opportunitiesfor him to practice. He placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder comfortingly butfirmly. “That is enough with the formalities for n…” Dorian halted the momenthe stepped up to Adiran’s side. He caught the young man’s expression. Adiran’sgreen eyes, once bright with nerves, were blown wide, staring down in shock.His head was barely tilted, frozen in place, colour draining fast from histanned skin. Bitter dread clawed up the back of Dorian’s throat, and almostreluctantly, he let his own gaze descend.
A hilt, adorned with delicate gold weave,jutted from the centre of Adiran’s stomach.
“Fasta-vass!” Doriansprang into action, his time spent fighting with the Inquisition far fromforgotten. Magic leaped to his fingertips in less than a frantic heartbeat, butfor once the destructive fire of his youth was not the first thing to rise tothe occasion. Instead, a barrier rippled around Dorian and the young man,wrapping them in a familiar hum of energy, and it was just in time as anotherdagger streaked towards them only to be turned aside by the magical shield. Ahigh, panicked whine crawled up the back of Adiran’s throat as blood began toseep around his fingers, wrapped almost protectively around the hilt of theblade. Dorian drew the young man close, hooking him around the waist to keephim on his feet. “Stay with me.” He clenched his teeth as he fought to maintaintheir defences as another projectile – one far less mundane – was repelled. “Do not pullthat out, do you understand? Stay with me.”
There were four figures in the room and nosign whatsoever of Magister Tellene, save the fact that she was likely behindthe foul play. Just four assassins against one mage and a young man whose skinhad already drained of colour as he entered the first stages of shock. This wasbeyond bad. In fact, as Dorian attempted to back towards the door, eyesflicking between his assailants, he could think of few more potentially deadlysituations in which to find himself. Foolish. He shouldhave been more careful. Should not have rushed in so eagerly. His instincts hadwarned him, and he had ignored every last one of them.
Dorian’s father once said that a man’s worthcould be measured by his ambition. Dorian himself always fancied ambition to beworth remarkably little if, in its realisation, one fell to the folly of haste.
Just this once, he wished he had taken hisown damn advice.
Sweat beading on his brow, running down histemples, Dorian backed all the way to the door only to find it had somehow beenclosed behind him, the act going unnoticed in his rush to protect his scribe.He snarled; a surprisingly vicious sound; as an assassin started forward,intending to rush the barrier. Dorian snapped his hand to the side, three boltsof fire shooting from his palm to catch the cowled man mid-flight. The assassincried out, staggering, throwing his arms up to guard his face, but his clothingremained uncharred by the flames. In fact, the fire seemed to sweep pastharmlessly, repelled like water from oiled canvas. Of course.Yes, he should have guessed they would be ready for combat with a mage of hisparticular specialty. These were no mere hired blades, after all.
“Kaffas,” Doriangrowled, face set in a snarl as he chose lightning, charging a bolt in his palmand sending it lancing forward. It hit one assassin, then leaped to a second,but again the effect seemed almost laughable. They slowed under the assault,only human and unnerved by the display, but did not stop. For all his power,Dorian was little more than an inconvenience to them.By his side, Adiran’s breathing had started to come in short, panicked gasps;too little to fill the boy’s lungs. They didn’t have much time. He didn’thave much time. Turning, Dorian threw a hand towards the door, summoning magicto his palm and sending it scorching outwards in a bright, loud blast. If hecould get them out and summon the city guards, then perhaps—
The sound of shattering glass ripped Dorian’sattention back to the room even as the door buckled and blasted outwards. Theassassins standing by the window cried out in surprise, stepping away hastilyas a figure swung into the room. A blur of black and brown, the person hit theground, rolled, and was on their feet in less time than it took to bat an eye,twin blades flashing in their hands. For a moment, Dorian thought this might beanother assailant, come to ensure the job was done thoroughly. But before thatthought even reached completion, the stranger whirled on the assassins,slashing fast, feinting and dodging and weaving, harrying and harassing them inclose quarters. It seemed the stranger’s arrival was as much as surprise tothem as it had been to Dorian, and they scrambled to defend themselves,momentarily distracted from their quarry.
In the confusion, Dorian did the only thinghe could. Grunting, he hauled Adiran up and made for the door, almost trippingover the debris, staggering out into the hallway. The boy’s blood ran freelydown his front, now, staining the carpet red as they stumbled and wovechaotically. After a few hindered steps, Dorian opted to simply sweep the boyinto his arms, ignoring the shriek of pain Adiran let out at the movement. Thesound stole the breath from Dorian’s chest in the worst possible way and hegritted his teeth, trying not to give in to the rising panic. The guilt. Adiranshook in his arms, tense with pain, eyes glassy and wide as he stared down athis wound.
He’s just a boy. I shouldn’thave brought him. I shouldn’t have—
Dorian reached the stairs just as a form camehurtling out of the room’s shattered doorway, skidding into the hall, a horrorof black fabric and deadly blade. Assassin. Cursing,Dorian threw up another barrier, but before he could attempt to flee the mancrashed into him, sending both Dorian and Adiran to the ground. They hit hard,and Dorian rolled on instinct just as the assassin’s wicked blade slammed intothe ground where his neck had been. Whatever it was made of, it sliced straightthrough the floorboards as though they were paper. With little left to hisdisposal, Dorian kicked out, catching the assassin in the side, knocking himtowards the stairs. Unfortunately, the cloaked man managed to catch himself onthe first step, avoiding the damaging fall that might have followed, andimmediately launched himself back towards Dorian, who had barely had time tostagger to his feet.
Whether through skill or sheer luck, Dorianmanaged to catch the assassin’s wrists, that deadly blade stopping mere inchesfrom his chest. Both men grunted, snarling, one’s face hidden by a mask, the other’sexposed and desperate. Despairing. Livid. Adiran layin a crumpled heap, curled in on himself as if to guard the blade sheathed inhis stomach. He’sjust a boy. Dorian cried out, heavingback against the assassin, forcing the man back a half-step from the suddenforce of it. Justa boy. His grip tightened on theassassin’s wrists, clamping down hard, the fitted fabric of the man’s sleeveslipping down as they struggled for dominance. I should not have brought him. 
For a split second, Dorian felt warmth against his palms –skin – and quite literally seized the opportunity with both hands. Ignoring thethreat of that deadly blade, Dorian focused his magic, dropping his barrier anddrawing its power into his attack, feeling the energy coil and writhe inside him. Then,just when he could contain it no longer, he released it in a rush, theelectricity discharging with a muted crack directly into the assassin’s exposedskin. The man screamed, arching, grip tightening on his blade, neck snappingback, body shaking. Dorian refused to let go, his eyes on the assassin, hisheart on Adiran, his mind chanting a desperate mantra for it to all be over.The smell of something cooking, and then burning, rose thick in the air, untilthe assassin finally collapsed in a smoking heap on the floor. Without eventhinking, Dorian snatched the man’s blade and slipped it into his belt, themimmediately staggered over the corpse and towards the crumpled form of hisscribe.
“Adiran,” he rasped, exhausted, shaking as heturned the boy, rolling him onto his back. Dorian was greeted by the faintestof moans, but it set his exhausted heart racing again, newfound energy risingto flood his veins. “Come – that’s it. We’re fine. You will be fine.” Hegrunted, heaving the boy up again. Adiran did not cry out this time. In fact,he seemed barely aware of who Dorian was or what was happening, head lolling,eyes unfocused and half shut. Bitterly, Dorian could only think that was alllikely for the best.
Dorian did not exit via the front of theestablishment. The back door was closer, and his chariot was waiting down theside of the building. As soon as Dorian stumbled into sight, Valus,leaped to his feet, eyes blown wide with shock. “Get the door open,” Dorianordered as he ran towards it. “Now! Take us to Maevaris.” She had a spirithealer on staff – one who might be able to help. That was the boy’s onlychance, Dorian feared, and even then it was slim. As he and Valus heaved theyoung man into the carriage, Dorian eyed the wound and felt a sick sensationchurn in his stomach. Itwas bad. Any seasoned fighter wouldsay the same. A slow, painful way to go.
Once inside the wagon, Valus immediately setthe horses off at a canter, moving recklessly through the streets, hollering tomove people out of the carriage’s way. Inside, Dorian cradled Adiran’s head inhis lap, smoothing the boy’s hair, unable to find the words he deserved in sucha moment. His hand worked what little magic he had left, trying to numb thearea – ease the pain. Whatcould one truly say? 
“M… Magis…ter…” Adiran’s voice was barelyabove a whisper, and Dorian started, almost missing it for all Valus’ shoutingand rein-cracking.
“Shh, hush now,” Dorian murmured almostreflexively, reaching to wrap a hand comfortingly around the young man’s wrist.Holding him. What else could he do? “Save your breath. We are almost at thehealer.”
Adiran swallowed, flinched, then gasped atthe contraction, his hands twitching painfully around the embedded blade.“A-Are y… s-safe?”
The expression on Dorian’s face would havebeen comical had it not been lined so heavily by grief. “Foolish boy,” hechoked, shaking his head, fingers still combing soothingly through his tousledbrown hair that seemed immune to any form of taming. Sucking in a shakingbreath, Dorian pressed on, “I am fine, Adiran. Unharmed. You did well. You… didvery well.”
Had the young man been more present, he mighthave disputed that claim, given the circumstances. But instead his feverishgaze seemed to brighten ever so slightly as it drifted upwards, focusing on thejolting roof of the carriage. Their green was dimmer than before; wilting fastlike cut grass. All Dorian could do was helplessly beg the carriage to gofaster.
Maevaris, as always,moved with the efficiency of a woman whose world always ran on perfectschedule. The moment Dorian’s carriage pulled up, she appeared as thoughsummoned, whether warned by her own guards or Valus’ booming voice, Doriancould not say. Either way, it did not matter; the moment she saw Adiran shelaunched into action, sending a servant to fetch the healer before slidingbeneath Adiran’s other arm herself and helping Dorian carry the boy along.“Maker’s breath, what happened to him?” she demanded as they ran into themanor, a cot already being wheeled down the hallway from one of the nearbyrooms. “And if you are going to stop by unannounced, flowers never go astray.”
“Not now,” Dorian begged, andMaevaris seemed more than happy to oblige him in this instance. While boththeir instincts in the gravest moments were to make light, this time… this timeDorian just couldn’t bear it. What happened next was something of a blur, andthe next thing Dorian knew, the boy had been whisked away by not just onehealer, but a group, all speaking in fast, serious tones. The only thing thatstopped Dorian from following them instinctively was Maevaris’ steadying handon his shoulder. He turned to her, aggrieved, but she just shook her head, gazesympathetic but firm.
“Let them work, Dorian. There isnothing either of us can do for him now.” Her pale gaze drifted to where theyhad disappeared down the corridor, voices fading in the distance. “I do notknow who that boy was, but he is in good hands. The best, if Jahvri’srecommendations are to be believed.”
“One can only hope. Maker’sbreath…” Dorian sagged, andMaevaris quickly guided him over to a chair, steadying him by the arms as hecollapsed into it. “How?” he continued, shaking his head, curving forward andburying his face in his hands. “How did I let this happen?”
“Hush.” She pulled him in close,letting Dorian’s head rest against her stomach, holding him without a care forthe blood, both fresh and dried, that coated the front of his robe. “You will tell me what happened, Dorian… but not now. Youare safe here. That is what matters. Stay as long as you feel you must.”
“You are too good to me.”
“I am. But Maker knows you woulddo the same.”
To his credit, Dorian managed afaint smile at that. It was true, after all. But it wavered and fell all tooquickly. Maevaris, perceptive as ever, gave the excuse of fetching tea for themto drink. As if she did not have staff for such an endeavour. But regardless,she made herself scarce, offering Dorian a moment’s reprieve, and he wasgrateful for the solitude. Suddenly overcome by a wave of exhaustion,Dorian raised his hands to rub at his eyes, then jolted as thesight of his own bloodstained palms sent a spike of panic through him. Yes. Yes,of course. As if reading hismind, a servant appeared with a warm, damp cloth, offering it to him for thetime being and informing him a bath was being drawn and would be ready shortly.Maevaris was nothing if not a gracious host.
Sitting there, Dorian’s mindwandered back to that room at The Gilder. To the figure who had leapt in; asaviour of dark leather and flashing steel. Whoever that person had been,Dorian wagered he owed them his life. Perhaps even Adiran’s, if…
Dorian blanched and leanedforward heavily, resting his forearms on his knees, uncaring of how he mightlook to the guards flooding out to take up extra watch duties in the wake ofhis dramatic arrival. What he had done; attending that meeting; had been amistake he could not afford to make. Not now. Certainly not again. A singleerror of judgement could mean the end of everything. Of himself. Of others. He was more than just a lone agent – a pariah actingout against an established ideal. Finally, he was in a position where his voicecould be heard above the powerful ruling minority. If he allowed himself to besilenced through his own recklessness…
There was a sound from outside;men and woman shouting what sounded like a warning. Dorian launched to hisfeet, exhausted but rekindled by the thought that the assassins had givenchase. The idea that he might have brought danger to Maevaris’ house left himsick and hollow inside, but as he attempted to rush out a pair of guardsmenstepped in front of the door, blocking his path. “Apologies, Magister Pavus,”one said, “but we are under strict orders.”
Of course they were. Dorian’slips curled disdainfully, but quickly his rational side caught up, windingtight around his anger and stemming its flow. He was drained. Exhausted andbroken in too many ways. If he rushed out there, he would only be a liability.
A horn sounded – a few staccatobursts – and Dorian’s gaze flicked between the guards with an appropriate levelof indignation for his station. “At least tell me what is happening,” he said,seeking compromise. “I trust you can do that much, yes?”
After sharing a nervous glance,the other guard spoke, her voice ringing within her helm. “An attempted breachof the estate’s wall, Magister Pavus. That last call was to say whoever madethe attempt has been apprehended. They—”
Suddenly, the door behind theguards was thrown open, sending the pair staggering to the side and Dorianjumping back a step. Another group of Maevaris’ soldiers stormed in, a figuredragged between them, gripped tightly by the upper arms, surrounded by thethreat of blades. Dorian’s heart raced, but it seemed their captive was notputting up much of a fight; an occasional grunt and jerk of resistance when aguard got a little too rough or a blade slipped a little too close, but nothingmore. It was… well, rather strange. The group started moving past Dorian, their captive twisting,brown and black leather stained by blood…
… that was when Dorian recognisedwho it was.
“Wait! Stop!” Starting forward,Dorian placed himself between the guards and the hallway, cutting them off. Thegroup immediately halted. They might be under Maevaris’ employ, but they werenot so bold as to trample a Magister. Breathing harder than he had any need tobe, Dorian held out a hand. It was trembling. “Wait. I know that armour. Thisperson saved my life.”
There was a hush of uneasytension that filled the room. “Apologies, Magister, but we are under strictorders—” one of the guards began, but then the captive spoke over the top ofhim.
“I’m sorry.” His voice was deep.Earnest. Achingly familiar. Somethingtightened in Dorian’s chest, his eyes widening at the sound. No. Itcouldn’t be. “Itried to keep them all in the room, but one slipped past, and I’m…” The figureshivered and hung his head, still cowled and masked. Only his eyes werevisible, and Dorian caught a glimpse of them for the briefest moment. A bright,brilliant blue. “You got away.” The man continued weakly, almost to himself.Almost relieved. “Fora second I thought…”
“Release him,” Dorian breathed,stepping forward. But the guards did not comply, and his angerrose swiftly from the centre of his chest. “Did you not hear me? I said—”
“It is all right.” Maevaris’voice rang clear and crisp through the room. She had entered with a servantbearing a tray of tea, and while she seemed wary, her ability to read Dorianlike an open book spurred her to act. She met Dorian’s grateful gaze and noddedto the guards. “Let him go.”
Immediately, the guards releasedthe cowled man, who grunted and rubbed his arms where he had been held. Then,slowly, he straightened, his gaze rising to meet Dorian’s. They held eachother’s stares for a time, neither entirely sure of what to say. What to do. Dorian’s mind was little more than a whitewash ofemotion, fuzzy and uncertain, relieved and terrified all at once.
What was he doing here? How did he…?
“If you’re going to shout at me,can we at least do it without an audience?” Varlen’s voice was the same asDorian remembered, but somehow different as well. Harder. Colder.
“I’m not…” Dorian trailed off,then licked his lips, glancing about the room full of armed men and women.“Maevaris, if you please… I would have a moment with this man. Alone.” Underher intense stare, Dorian gave her a pointed nod. “All is quite well. You havemy word. Is there somewhere we might speak? Preferably a room without yourdutiful guards present.”
“Dorian,” Maevaris said warningly, but at the look on hisface she just sighed, reaching up to rub her forehead with her fingertips.“Very well. Fine. This way.” She spared a glance for the newcomer. Or perhapsa glare wouldbe more fitting. “Attempt anything at all and I will have you skinned and wear you like acoat. Understood?”
Dorian imagined Varlen would havepaled beneath that mask, but his voice remained surprisingly resolute as hegave a small bow of his head. “Yes, ma’am.”
Yes ma’am. Ittook all Dorian had to suppress a cringe as Maevaris arched a brow at theimpropriety of it all. But he supposed, if nothing else, it was strangelycomforting to know that some things had not changed.
When the door closed behind them,the first thing Dorian did close the space between himself and the cowledfigure. His hands reached out, thumbs brushing along the sides of Varlen’s coveredface, both pleased and surprised to find his former lover did not jerk awayfrom his touch.
So, Dorian removed the mask.
The elven man’s features wereprecisely how he remembered, although he supposed he shouldn’t really besurprised. It had only been just over a year, after all, since they had gonetheir separate ways for good. Discarding the mask, Dorian’s hands returned asthough drawn by a mysterious force, ghosting along the sides of Varlen’s face, wantingso badly to feel the warmth of his skin, but uncertain of whether such intimatecontact would be welcome. Instead, he allowed himself a moment of indulgence,drinking in the sight that stood before him. Those bright blue eyes, that palevallaslin. Cheekbones that gave such pleasing shape to his face; lines Dorian hadonce loved to absently trace. They were more pronounced now, he realisedvaguely. Varlen had gotten thinner. Then again, Dorian figured they both hadneglected themselves in more ways than one. Nothing could drain a person quitelike constant, unwavering stress.
In Dorian’s distraction, it wasVarlen who was the first to speak. “Dorian… were you hurt?”
That question. Why did everyone always ask that first?Pain flickered behind Dorian’s eyes and he lowered his hands, stepping away,the image of Adiran shivering in his arms suddenly too vivid. Too overwhelming.“I am well, Varlen.” He paused, collected himself, then added. “And you? Icannot imagine your entry through the second-storey window was a comfortableexperience.”
A faint smirk flickered acrossVarlen’s lips and he shrugged, although a little stiffly. “It’s not so bad. Ifyou do it right.” With a sigh, he reached up, tugging down his hood, hairspilling from its confine to tumble down past his shoulders. Dorian’s eyeswidened at the sight. Still long, yes, but he wore it shorter than before. Thedemands of practicality. But more than anything, it was predominantly black.Dorian was stunned into silence for a good while, slowly taking in changes hethought he would never see. Varlen lovedhis hair, proud to wear the same silver as his mother and sister. Now, only afew inches of it had grown, catching the wavering lamplight, no doubt awaitingthe dyeing process. What followed the unveiling was an uneasy silence; one thatseemed better suited to a funeral procession than an untimely reunion of formerlovers. Then again, perhaps it was a perfect silence. After all, Dorian had noidea how to fill it.
Uncertainly, Varlen rose to theoccasion, shifting his weight from foot to foot. “Dorian… I know this isn’twhat you wante—”
“No.” Dorian, it seemed, hadfound his voice. Funny, how easy it was to make the throw once the first stonehad been cast. Varlen blinked, uncertain of what to make of single word, butDorian just shook his head gently. “Varlen, if it is apology you areattempting, I would much rather you refrain.” He paused, a familiar discomfort gnawingat his stomach, but forced himself to continue. “I know that we left each otheron rather unfortunate terms. To putit mildly, of course. But if it is quite the same to you, I would rather notdwell on that particular conversation.” Themistakes that I made. “The… things that were said.”
Varlen licked his lips, and therewas an air of uncertainty to the movement. For a time, Dorian feared he haddone precisely the wrong thing; that their parting words might have beensomething Varlen needed to address and he had just crushed that need underheel. But then the elven man released a long-held breath, some of the tensionleaving his shoulders as he did so, and glanced up to meet Dorian’s gaze. “Yeah.All right, sure.” A faint smile quirked up the corner of his lips. “So… I takeit you’re not going to lecture me, then?”
“Come now, let’s not be entirely unreasonable.”
Varlen laughed, and Dorian foundhimself succumbing to the desire as well. It was a giddy feeling, especiallyconsidering what had just transpired, but a part of him simply couldn’t helpit. His scribe was barely clinging to life, he had nearly been assassinated,and now his former lover stood before him swathed in black like a murderer fromsome cautionary tale. But he was smiling. Laughing.
These were strange times indeed.
They quieted after a moment,returning to a kind of still contemplation of one another, eyes locked.Focused. Neither seemed willing to break the connection. “I… had considered anumber of outcomes. For my meeting with Magister Tellene, that is.” Dorian’sconfession was soft, and he shook his head, still not quite believing what washappening. “But this… well, this one hadcertainly failed to cross my mind.”
“I know.” Varlen was the first tobreak the stillness, looking away and moving over towards the window. He peekedthrough the curtains, squinting against the late-afternoon sun. What he waslooking for, Dorian could not say. “I got most of them,” he eventuallyexplained after glancing over his shoulder and catching Dorian’s perplexedexpression. “But one of the assassins slipped past. I tried to chase him down,but the others cut me off and…” He pulled his lower lip between his teeth, eyesflicking back out to the front of Maevaris’ estate. There was shame in theexpression. Whatever Varlen had intended, it clearly had not gone according toplan. Loose ends were always complicated, after all.
“I believe I ran into thatfellow, yes,” Dorian said. Varlen turned sharply at that, eyes widening inalarm, and Dorian quickly gave a placating wave of his hand. “Now, now, not tofret. He was… dealt with.”
“But the clothing they had on was—”
“You will find little in thisworld that is entirely mage-proof,Varlen.”
“Right. Yeah. Good point.” Varlencleared his throat, nodding and letting the curtain fall back into place as he steppedaway. He wiped his hands on his pants anxiously, and Dorian couldn’t help butfeel a pang of guilt. After all, he knew why Varlen might be in such a state.But before Dorian could find the correct words, Varlen turned to face him,expression tense. “Well, are you going to ask me or not?”
“Ask you…?”
“Why I’m here, Dorian.”
“Ah.” Dorian sighed, moving overto a sturdy mahogany table – a wood favoured by Maevaris and half themagisterium - and leaning against its edge. “Very well, then. Why are you here,Varlen?”
The elven man had seeminglyexpected an argument. He paused, mouth half open, and then closed it with aclick of his teeth. He was clearly on edge; Dorian could read that much, atleast. But despite it, Varlen pushed himself to speak. “I… heard rumours.”
Now it was Dorian’s turn tofrown. “You will have to be a tad more specific, Varlen. A great many rumours havecircled me of late.” He made a grand gesture at his bloodied robes. “Somewhat partof the office, I’m afraid.”
“Yeah, well… part of the job ornot, I didn’t like what I heard.” He was pacing now, that familiar restlessenergy demanding some kind of outlet. Dorian said nothing, simply lettingVarlen sort through his thoughts. “I’d begged Leliana to keep an ear to theground for me, and she…” He swallowed; shook his head. “People want you dead, Dorian. More than most Magisters.Which I guess is something of anachievement, but not exactly what I‘d been hoping to hear.”
“And that surprised you?”
“… No.” Varlen sighed, raking hisfingers through his hair. Silver fading to black. “Just… do you know what it’slike? To be so far away and hear reports like that? Over and over again? Firstit’s unnamed mercenaries. Then trained assassins. Then suddenly any wealthy altus who can afford morethan a single attempt on your life. Then the threats started coming from yourfellow magisters. Dorian…” Varlenshook his head, although he was unable to look over and meet Dorian’s gaze andhis voice dropped to barely a whisper. “What was I supposed to do? Wait until Igot the news that y… that you’d been…?”
The unfinished question was metwith silence, heavy and uncomfortable. Dorian knew what he should say. You were supposed to stay away. It is notsafe here for you. That was, after all, the bitter note on which they hadended their relationship. Dorian had thought cutting ties was the only way tokeep his amatus out of danger. But they were no longer a couple – there was nolonger that sense of obligation – and Varlen had still come to him.
“I don’t know, Varlen.” It wasthe most honest answer Dorian had given anyone since returning to the Imperium,and it seemed Varlen sensed that by the way his gaze finally flicked over and stayedfocused on him. “Things here… they have been difficult. On that matter, I willnot lie. What I am attempting here was always going to breed some measure of hostility.” Slowly, painfully, he offered a weak smile. “If it is anyconsolation at all… this is the closest anyone has ever come to completingthe deed. Your timing remains remarkable as eve—”
To Dorian’s surprise, Varlen snorted. He seemed utterly amused, andDorian stopped mid-sentence, uncertain what to make of the outburst. Anapologetic look washed over Varlen’s face and he cleared his throatuncomfortably. “Sorry. It’s just… this wasn’t the closest. Not really.”
Dorian felt his face go slack. “Itwasn’t?”
Varlen shook his head. “Therewere a few times. At night, mostly. At your estate. Some were ready withpoisons, waiting for you to head to your rooms for the evening. They planned toslip it into the water pitcher on your bedside table. Once was…” He paused, asif uncertain if he should continue, but after an encouraging nod from Dorian,he did. “It was your old scribe, Dorian. She was to deliver you a message, butthe parchment was soaked through with something.She wore gloves so she wouldn’t touch it, but knew you wouldn’t have any onafter dinner.”
My scribe. For thebriefest moment, Dorian’s mind flickered to Adiran, but he quickly shooed theimage away. No, not him. The one the boy had replaced. “I thought she had simply fled my employ, the same as some of the others,” he murmured.Feeling strangely unsteady, he reached out, groping behind him, dragging one ofthe chairs out from beneath the table and sitting down. “Corellia. She hadserved my family for years. It was a shock, mind you, but I imagined many of myfather’s old staff were less than pleased by my replacing him.” Then, Dorianlooked up, grey eyes finding Varlen and fixing on the man. “So she… did you…?”
“I had to.” His voice was barelyabove a whisper, and Varlen closed his eyes, turning away. “She wanted to killyou, Dorian. What choice did I have?”
Dorian’s heart felt like stone,heavy and coarse. “Was she the only one? Among my household.”
“No.”
“And did you…?”
“Yes. I did.” Varlen let out ashivering breath, but opened his eyes again. Just a touch. But he did not lookat Dorian, and there was something defeated in the expression on his face. WhenVarlen worked up the will to speak again, his voice was hoarse, thick with a hurt that could not bedescribed. To hear it tore Dorian apart.
“I’m sorry, Dorian. For all ofit. I know you cared about them, but I couldn’t just let them go.” Hisvoice had risen as he spoke, edging into something panicked and desperate.“M-Maybe I shouldn’t have done it. Come here. Interfered. I just…” His voice cracked,and something inside Dorian cracked with it as Varlen turned away sharply,almost desperate to look away. “I didn’t think it would be so…”
“Varlen… come now, none of that.”Dorian rose quickly, ignoring the lurch of unsteadiness that accompanied themovement, and crossed the room in a few long strides. He reached out, takingVarlen by the shoulders, finally seeing the pain the man had been sodesperately trying to hide. Perhaps the mask had allowed him to pretend, for atime. Perhaps it had let him pretend it was someone else holding the blade and taking the lives. Now,that dark cloth lay abandoned on the floor, a black stain on Maevaris’ plush carpet.Dorian wanted nothing more than to burn it to ash. “Varlen… look at me.Please?” Slowly, the elven man’s gaze drifted up, glassy but stubborn, refusing to give in to the threat of likely much-needed tears. Dorian smiledfaintly and brushed a strand of hair from Varlen’s face. “I owe you my life, itseems. Many times over. What you have done… it is a debt I can only ever hopeto repay.”
Varlen just nodded, but the movementwas stiff. With a pang, Dorian realised that was not what he should have said.Wincing internally, the mage forged onward. He had to find what Varlen needed tohear. “What you have endured… I can only imagine how difficult it must havebeen. Tell me; were you alone?”
“Leliana,” Varlen murmured, eyeson Dorian’s chest rather than his face. “She would send information. Leads. Ijust followed them. Got in the way as often as I could.” He paused, and thenadded even more softly, “Some were… harder than others. There aren’t manyplaces for someone like me to go here, when things go wrong.” He snorted dryly. “You were right about that much, at least.” There was abitterness to that last remark that stung like a slap.
“Oh Varlen…” Unable to helphimself, Dorian just pulled the elven man into an embrace, holding him tight.At first, Varlen remained rigid, the way one might when dragged into anunexpected hug by an acquaintance. Polite endurance, nothing more. But then,after a few tense beats, he relaxed. Leaned into the embrace, wrapping his ownarms around Dorian and pulling him close, burying his head in the crook of hisneck. For a moment, everything almost felt like before. Dorian closed his eyes.Breathed in the familiar scent of his amatus. Maker’s breath…
Dorian had no idea how badly hehad missed this. How badly he had missed him.
“I have made so many mistakes,”Dorian murmured, shaking his head slightly, arms refusing to let go of Varlen.“More than I have any right to. But… how we left things…”
He felt Varlen shift against him,but he made no attempt to extract himself from the embrace, settling to mumbleagainst Dorian’s shoulder. “It was bad, wasn’t it?” Dorian just nodded, andVarlen continued. “I won’t lie. A part of me wanted to wash my hands of you. Itseemed… for the best, in a way. I didn’t want to admit it at the time, but youwere right. Coming to Tevinter and standing at your side… it would have been too dangerous. There is just noway we could… be us here.”
A thought suddenly occurred toDorian that saw cold flood his skin. “Varlen, I need to make something clearthat I may have neglected. It is true, we can never be what we were inFerelden here, but it is not because I do not want it.” He tightened his grip instinctively. “Maker’s breath, even back then, against my better judgement, Iwanted it more than anything. But… the thought that you would come here becauseof me, and place yourself at risk…” Dorian felt his throat constrict but attemptedto talk through it. “If somethinghappened to you…”
“Stop. Dorian...” Varlen’s words were firm, but his touch remained gentle. Hepulled back, taking Dorian in, and it was only the expression of concernthat flashed across his face that made Dorian aware of the fact that he was,indeed, crying. Perhaps it was his exhaustion or his worry for Adiran, or hisdiscovery of Varlen struggling in the heart of the one place he had tried tospare him from. Perhaps it was a culmination of all the day’s miserable, bloodyevents. But regardless of the reason, silent tears had crept past Dorian’scareful guard, and he regretted them immediately. Ashamed of himself, Dorianmade to wipe them away in a harsh motion, but Varlen beat him to it. And hishands were gentle. His gloves soft. Without dismissal, he brushed away the first sign that,finally, Dorian had reached a limit he was not prepared to handle.
At least, not alone.  
“You shouldn’t be here,” Dorianbreathed, his voice only shaking ever so slightly. It was the most composedanyone could be while crying their eyes out, he liked to imagine. It helpedlessen the sting a touch. “Amatus, this is too dangerous. I won’t beresponsible for dragging you into it. I can’t.”
“Well that’s fine. Because youaren’t.” The words were so simple, and Varlen spoke them with such convictionthat it actually gave Dorian pause. A faint smile managed to find its way toVarlen’s lips and he held Dorian’s face in his hands, keeping their gazeslocked. “We broke up, Dorian. There was, as you said, no obligation for me tocome here.”
“You came anyway,” Dorianmurmured. Varlen nodded.
“I came anyway.”
“After everything I said to you.Everything I…”
“Yeah, well…” Varlen gave a faintshrug. It was meant to appear dismissive, but deep down, Dorian could onlyimagine how many months it must have taken for him to perfect it. “Turns out itwas going to take more than a bad fight to keep me away. Whether we’re togetheror not, Dorian, I care about you.You’re my friend as much as you were… more than that.” He swallowed, taking asecond to collect himself. “The fact of the matter is, I believe in what you’retrying to do. Fenedhis, I want you to succeed. I know I can’t helpout in the open, so I figured I would do it my way, and it was actuallyworking.”
“Until today.”
“Until today,” Varlen agreedquietly. He let go of Dorian, the tears having ceased as they spoke, and took asingle step back. Not too far, but far enough. “I… messed up, today. I was tooslow. I didn’t pay enough attention to the obvious threat, and it…” Varlen bithis lip, glancing towards the door. “Creators… he’s so young, Dorian. Just a kid.”
“I know.” Dorian’s voice washusky, and there was no helping it. He could still see Adiran’s shocked expression;that vacant stare at the roof of the carriage; and it pained him in a way thathe simply could not describe. “But it was not your fault, Varlen. Do not blameyourself. What you have been doing… it is already more than I deserve.”
“No, it isn’t.” Varlen steppedforward again, resting one hand on Dorian’s shoulder, squeezing intently.“Dorian, this would be a lot easier for both of us if you would just let mehelp you. It’s hard enough hiding from the rest of Tevinter without having to dodge you too.”
To Dorian’s surprise, a dry laughmanaged to escape him. “You say it as though you will continue regardless of myanswer.”
“Funny. That’s probably because Iwill.”
“You remain stubborn as ever.”
“Did you expect that to change?”
Varlen smiled, and Dorian evenmanaged a weak one back, not sure what precisely was happening between thembut grateful for it nonetheless. But something remained unspoken;something Dorian could not simply ignore. “Varlen… if you are to remain…”
“It’s like you said,” Varlensaid, cutting him off quickly. “We can’t be what we were in Ferelden. I get that. If we’reseen publicly together… well, let’s just say it wouldn’t help you start thismovement of yours.”
“Not when the people I amattempting to move possess moreprejudice than sense,” Dorian agreed reluctantly. “No, of course. You areright. We couldn’t.”
There was a pause. A long one. “Imean… did you actually…?” The words left Varlen so awkwardly that it remindedDorian of when they had first met. A pocket of warmth filled his chest as theelven man continued hurriedly. “I mean, yeah. No way. It couldn’t work…. right?”
“No. Not at all.”
The pause returned. Then Varlensaid something that caught Dorian completely off-guard.
“You called me amatus.”
Dorian blinked. “What? When?”
“Before. When you were… y’know…” He gestured to his face. “Crying.”
“Well now that’s hardly fair, tojudge a man when he is so clearly outof—”
—“Did you mean it?”
Dorian stopped. His mouth hungslightly open, as though in the process of giving voice to defensive words, butno sound passed his lips. Had he meantit? Thinking back, he did not even recall it, but he had no reasonwhatsoever to believe Varlen was lying. In the end, that meant only one thing.
“Yes.”
He had said that word; a word thatcarried so much weight. A word he had not been able to utter since they parted.A word he had dreaded and sampled and discarded more times than he could count.If he had truly said it, after all this time, and without even realising… then yes.He meant it more than anything.
His response seemed to stirsomething in Varlen because he sniffed suddenly, blue eyes flicking away asthough the far wall suddenly offered something incredibly interesting. “I…” Helet out a watery laugh. “I really fucking missed that, you know? The way you’d say it.”
Dorian didn’t bother holding backthis time. He just reached out, turned Varlen towards him, and kissed him. Theirlips pressed together, warm and soft and everything he remembered; Maker,everything he had wanted for so long.There was no stiffening of surprise from Varlen. Not even a hitching of breathas Dorian’s tongue swiped along the inner curve of his lips, tentativelyseeking more. If anything, he had been more ready for the moment than Dorianhimself, who had initiated it. Varlen opened his mouth, inviting Dorian in, onehand threading through his hair, the other sliding past up his armand coming to rest on his shoulder, holding him in place. Holding him close. Dorian turned them both, moving afew mindless steps until Varlen was against the table, their lips still locked,hands roaming one another as though feeling their shapes for the first time.And in a way, there was a newness of it. The newness of a fire rekindled.
Dorian broke the kiss for amoment, rasping a breath, neither drawing away not pushing for more. “Amatus…” he breathed, shaking his head,not quite believing what was happening. Not quite believing how badly he hadneeded it, all this time. A low chuckled curled from Varlen’s chest, meetingthe fond curve of his lips.
“There it is…” Varlen’s eyes wereclosed, almost peaceful, his head cocked slightly to the side as thoughlistening to beautiful music somewhere in the distance. Then, slowly, his eyesfluttered open to catch Dorian’s. Dorian’s expression was, understandably, confused, but Varlen justsmiled, his thumb brushing along the curve of Dorian’s cheek.
“How you said it. That was it.”Understanding flickered in Dorian’s eyes and Varlen leaned in, stealing aquick, chaste kiss, smiling against his lips. “It was just like that.” 
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