#and its resulted in less free time during the weak and somewhat more mentally demanding
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#personal#my feelings on the world are softening#i have a real job with serious hours and benefits now#and its resulted in less free time during the weak and somewhat more mentally demanding#i dont feel the right feelings#to ask me if i like my job or hate it is the wromg question#i think its more like. i would prefer to be doing something else#but because of the way the world works i need this position for a while to further my future.#it's really hard to be like. just follow a feeling. when you dont know how i feel#the voices feel different things about this...#one is sad this is our reality. they would love to quit and do nothing but rot#another is content with the situation and is capable of handling it#another is very proud of our accomplishments.#its like. this is tolerable.#i must be a human being with a job. the money concept wont stop being a thing.#so if i could continuously secure a job for myself for the future. i need to sacrifice right now.#and thats fine with me.#at worst i am fired for being incredibly bad at my job or just messing up too much#but it seems. im the most competent person at the table. for someone whos worked 4 days.#... im struggling and i will for a little while#i just find these days long and time being slow#i feel like im losing time and im wasting time#when in reality. nothings even STARTED#i got time baby girl... take a deep breath.
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