#at worst i am fired for being incredibly bad at my job or just messing up too much

[dog-girl-zezora]

//

[herstarburststories]

(He Isn't) A Good Guy

Kinktober day 15: humiliation kink

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x reader

Summary: Jensen is tired of everyone saying he's a good guy.

Warnings: dirty talk (kind dark bc of the kink), handjob, p in v, riding, cheating, possessive, slapping

You have to be careful with what you're good at. You might just end up doing it for the rest of your life.

Jensen Ackles never caught the appeal of that saying. If you were really that good at something, why wouldn't you want to do it?

Such a mindset was as constant as a mother’s love and made Jensen's loyal company for a long time during his career. He pictured it would last forever: the head pats, positive criticism, and his charm that caught more and more fans. The Hollywood man was happy, really. He grew to be a good — if not great — actor. He had a wife and three kids that were the love of his life. He could go anywhere and find a job through the instantaneous recognition that Supernatural bestowed upon him, not to mention its gift of a best friend, Jared, and the raw amount of personal growth he went through. 

He was perfect in the most diversified aspects of his life, and, God, it was boring as fuck.

Whatever Jensen did, he was excused for it. Plenty of people would light themselves on fire for him (and hey, don’t think he was ungrateful for that), but being called a good guy that apparently couldn’t do any wrongs while the rights came out even in his sleep could be devastatingly annoying.

He thought he might have some problem, perhaps even a middle-aged crisis. Come on, who, with his life, would feel compelled to look for something else? Ackles had the money, the friends, and family. He had everything everyone dreamed about, but he just wanted to wake up.

Then, he met you.

You were the woman in her twenties who was barely starting in the media business, yet you had enough luck and talent to evoke the CW's attention that early. They wouldn't hire you as an official director, but you were in the training process. You were a prodigy, as most people on the set liked to joke about.

You sighed, slightly frustrated about the direction these takes were going. Asking Ackles to follow orders was roughly the same as punching a wall; the brick didn't break, and it only left you with scuffed knuckles and growing irritation. “Jensen, you need to tilt your head to the side or we won't be able to catch her face on camera.” 

“I'm doing that,” he said as if it was obvious.

“The camera doesn't agree with you.” You crossed your arms, tired of having this heated squabble again.

“I know how to shoot sex scenes, Y/N. I've been doing that for—”

You interrupted him: “I'm aware of how long the show I'm working on has been going, Jensen. Now, take my hint and do as I say. I get that you have done this before, but we are trying a new position, so your M.O. might not work.” You knew he was a good actor. Supernatural wouldn't be what it was if it wasn't for his character. Still, you needed this episode to be perfect in terms of filming. It was your first actual chance to prove how worthy you were. Jensen had his career and little apple pie life settled, but you had to scratch and squirm to insert yourself into the industry. You knew what you were doing. Nonetheless, you attempted to pacify his self-assurance by being assertive and gentle at the same time: “Just listen to me and try it. Please.”

The green-eyed man opened his mouth, very much ready to spit out a contradicting retort, but at the last second, he clamped his jaw shut and opted for a smirk instead. “Yeah, boss.”

It was the first time in years that someone actually came at him. Jensen felt the bruise aching his ego that spiked a sudden pressing need to puff out his chest and say I know what I am doing. Why don't you watch? 

He'd call that the Texan man behavior, alpha macho testosterone levels on high, but, honestly, he was just mad that someone had the audacity to talk to him like that, as if he was a rookie on his job. Jensen's whole body heated up, his jaw clenched, and his breath caught on his throat when he glanced at you — of course, he'd never put a hand on a woman, but God, that was infuriating. He wasn't a middle school child in need of a lecture.

But this was his first impression. As you gave everyone fifteen minutes to relax before shooting again, he went to his trailer, gait unnecessarily heavy like a child throwing a tantrum. Jensen locked his trailer and closed his eyes, trying to pick out his emotions — how long have it been since he got mad? That couldn't be healthy.

Do as I say. Your words were echoes in his head, spinning and making him dizzy. Just listen to me.

And the look you gave him. It wasn’t adoration as a fan or nervousness like a new worker. You didn’t excuse him as anyone else did. You glanced at him as you would to any other person on the set that had made a mistake: you pointed it out and didn't offer any sugarcoating to dull the blow.

It felt refreshing.

Shaking your head at the scene unrolling on the other side of the camera, you let out an exhausted sigh. This was your second directed episode, and Jensen wasn't making it easy for you. He always seemed like such a nice guy, yet you weren't surprised by his mulish behavior. You had called him out, and now he was turning it back around on you. Celebrities were complicated on their one, but male ones even more. Their egos required a role for themselves.

“Everyone, ten minutes!” you announced, placing the headphones on the table next to you. Your crew started dispersing, Ackles included, when his name left your lips: “Jensen, c'here.”

The green-eyed man arched his eyebrows, not sure why you wanted to talk to him so privately. Still, he approached you.

When you were a kid, you went through a phase when your smile wasn’t very pretty. It was too much teeth, eyes too tight, and head lifted high enough to show under your chin. Your parents couldn't just up and tell you that it looked terrible, obviously, so they just showed you multiple pictures until you decided that you didn't like something about it.

Maybe that would work with Jensen.

You patted the chair next to you, and Jensen sat there with a wisp of hesitation. You clicked on the scene you had been trying to get right for almost an hour. The replay went smoothly, Ackles's shoulders shrugging by the end. He didn't see the fuss about this.

“Seems good,” he said nonchalantly. 

You squinted your eyes at him. Someone as talented as him couldn't be serious about not seeing a problem with how ridiculous his vampire transformation through the last season was. “Seems like a sitcom”

“It's a dumb scene.” Jensen shrugged.

You groaned. “Can't you just accept that you can do better?”

Jensen crossed his arms and straightened his posture, holding a defensive atmosphere around him. God, he was infuriating sometimes. “Maybe you can. I've been doing great for years. You might not be the right director for this kind of show.”

“Just do as I said. You're in the scene, but I'm the audience. I can see right through you. I'm seeing things from another perspective and trying to tell you how to improve. That's what a director is for. Go ahead and try it!”

Your friendly conversation with the lead apparently had the opposite effect. As soon as he went back to his place in front of the camera, Jensen Ackles appeared to acquire the stubborn, incredibly unprofessional desire to take on all the worst camera angles only to get on your nerves.

“Are you kidding me!?” You elevated your voice, furious at how careless he was. All your patience has been zapped. “You're doing it on purpose. How can you be so petty?”

“Me? Petty!?” he said between gritted teeth, almost hissing as he walked to you. “I've been playing Dean for years. I know him more than—”

“I know. You do a big job with that character, but Jensen, you make mistakes. It's part of the process. You're a grown-ass man, so you can take what I'm saying and make something useful out of it. I'm the director; you are the actor. I don't care about how long you’ve been on this stage, and I don’t care for incompetence. You ain't doing good, so do as I say and fix it.”

Jensen tensed up when you said that, exhaling shortly while his eyes glued on you. You were half his age, yet the way you presented yourself — arms stiffly crossed, eyes ablaze and chin lifted — spoke of your power on this film set. At the end of the day, he was just a man, and he was in your court. Just like that, you held all control. He bit his bottom lip, neck red with the heat of anger and adrenaline that lashed through his body.

He was furious, yet all his body could do was react as if you had kissed him instead of punching his ego.

Anger and luxury both came from the same place. They were just different branches on the same tree growing from a common seed.

The half of Supernatural's leader actor started doing it on purpose, then. Not acting in a way that could collide with his career or mess up the shooting schedule, but an occasional bitched scene here and there when he had a chance, and always when you were in charge of the scene.

He relished in it: someone treating him like a man and not an untouchable idol. A woman who would look straight in his eyes and not be too intimidated, excited, or lovey-dovey to tell him all the bad things he needed to hear. You were someone who could put him in his place.

Unfortunately, playing around can only get you so far. If you bring someone to the pool, they won't be satisfied with just one foot in the water. They'd want to swim, splash water at their friends to get them all wet and soaked too. 

What started with provocative, fuming rage and nuisance soon melted into something deadlier. It was something unmanageable, a burning fire that attracted all the wrong kinds of glances. Yet, neither of you could help but follow where the smoke signal led.

You were here, in each other's arms. It was a dirty little secret that went way beyond just an illicit affair: it was about what you two could give to each other without even asking, and what other people could never quite comprehend. . . And they didn't need to. Jensen had you, and you had Jensen. To desire and savor the result was enough.

Your hand was wrapped around his cock, moving up and down in a painfully slow rhythm. You had two legs wrapped around his, your face hanging next to Jensen's — close enough that you could kiss all of his freckles if this were out of love and not necessity — as you spoke.

“Everybody thinks you are the good guy. Little mister perfect.” Ackles groaned at the malice in your tone. He hated that — how everyone called him perfect, how every single person told him he was such a good guy. You were his only grounding force under the blinding lights. “But I know you aren't. You are nasty, disgusting, and so needy for someone to put you in your fucking place.”

The male's lips parted slightly, a pornographic moan leaving his body. This perversion felt like a hair short of sin. Who in their right mind would be so turned on by a girl half his age picking up all the worst things one could say about him, only to throw them exactly where it hurt the most?

Why, in the name of God, did he want more? Why was Jensen bucking his lips, needy noises that he never dons escaping his trembling body? Why was his cock hard as fuck, ruinining your fingers with sloppy precum while he internally begged you for more? 

It was like receiving a miracle and giving it to the devil.

“Look at you,” you continued, a smirk painted on your features, “getting fucked in your trailer by the woman who basically told you to stop whining and get your job done like a real man.” You loved being in control of the usually overconfident Hollywood star. If only his dearest fans knew how much of a submissive he was — how he just needed to be told where he belonged. 

“Y/N…” Jensen managed to say, his chest moving erratically fast. You leaned in to press your lips to his, and he whimpered. Ackles' hand slid to your waist in an attempt to pull you closer, but all he got was a slap on the arm and lack of friction on his dick. “Y/N!”

“I didn't say you could touch me, stubborn idiot.” You hissed, getting up to throw away your skirt and underwear. Jensen sniffed, feeling so ridiculous about himself. You had way too much control over him, but he couldn't really care about anything other than you touching his cock right now. Fuck composure or else. “I'm not your wife. I'm not one of your thirsty fans.” Each word came out in a harsh tone, those syllabus together had no other duty but hurt him, and he loved how they agonized in his body, redirected right to his hardness. You got free of the skirt and your soaked lace panties. “I don't need you. This?” You gestured at yourself and Ackles, a wry laughter coming out as you climbed on his lap. “I'm doing you a favor. So, you better thank me and take whatever I choose to give you. Understood?” Jensen's eyes were obsessed with your image, not leaving your face once— not even to look at his hard cock that was so close to your cunt due the new position. He just nodded, wishing that was enough to show you his piece of mind. It wasn't. You slapped his cheek and howled. “I made you a question.”

Jensen gulped, the red on his cheek from your smack couldn't compare to his blushed body. This felt so good, finally getting what he wanted. Ultimately, he blurted out: “Yes, I understand.”

“Good. Now let's put you to good use.” You winked at him, a hint of silly playfulness before you got all his length inside you at once. Both of you moaned, the unique sensation of your walls around his hard dick was marvelous. So warm, tight, and wet. Everything he deserved in one pussy, one woman. You started to move your hips up and down. “You feel so good inside me, baby. Like your cock was made for me— I think you were made just for this, to be fucked by me. What do you think?” His eyes fluttered shut, Jensen was allowing himself to get lost into you. You were heaven in sin, fucking him so nice. You weren't having his silent, though. You both had to be quiet about many things regarding to your mutual arrangement, you couldn't get more of closed mouths. Not when this was happening. You grabbed Jensen's jaw, fingertips pressing against his skin. “You better start answering me before I get out of here and go get some with a real man.”

Jensen groaned, holding your hips possessively. You knew he was one of the jealous kind, talking about other men touching you always got a reaction out of him. “I'm a real man.” 

“Show me then, baby.” A glimpse of sweetness appeared as you leaned in to kiss his lips. It didn't last much before your lips went to his neck, words coming through an open-mouthed there. “You know, they all are so caught up in your act, Jensen. The perfect texan boy, the amazing husband, the unproblematic idol…” You chortled, sending goosebumps through his whole soul. His dick was deep into you as you were riding his restlessly. “I bet you get tired of this. I bet you just want to fuck me in front of everyone sometimes, just to show them how dirty you can be.” He nodded, a soft whine leaving his lips. He was so tired of being the good guy. Only you knew him. “Like right now. You spent the whole day messing up with me, teasing me, just so you could get punished. And here we are, fucking in your trailer, while everyone is getting ready to go home.” He tried to move his hips as well, to get more of you. When you didn't stop him, Ackles winced and bucked his hips, hitting your G-spot, going deep and raw inside your tight cunt. One of his hands went to your pussy, digits pressing to your clit. Your next words came during groans of pleasure. “You should go too, baby. But you can't help it, huh? You just want go fuck me, even though I don't even care enough to send you a message to make sure you got home safe. You like it. You love that I'm not crazy about you, that I don't care.” His heart ached, but his cock only grew harder. Jensen could feel he was on the edgy. “So, you stay here instead of going home to your sweet wife. You stay here instead of hanging out with your best friend. You stay here instead of looking through your social media just to get an ego boost. Is this what a good man would do, Jensen? No... But that's okay. Men like you just need to be put in their places, and you love it.”

“Y/N!” He screamed helplessly, pulling your body closer to him when he came inside you, marking your pussy as his. A treacherous, lust stained thought was placed on his shoulders, whispering lovingly to his ear like you did your swearing: breed her, get her pregnant with your baby. Make her yours.

You had broken him, and he loved every second of it. He couldn't wait to give you the shattered pieces as a gift.

You came with an excruciating grunt right after him, all over his cock. The feeling of Jensen coming inside you always pushed you right way. You sighed happily, resting your head on his chest.

He enjoyed moments like this.

You remained there, waiting for his cock to relax inside you, get less hard before you pulled you. When it did, you pressed a quick kiss to his collarbone, walking to grab your clothes.

“Jensen,” You coughed after putting on your skirt. “I'll send you the new script tonight. Send me an email to confirm that you got it.”

What you truly wanted to say was, tell me if you got home safe. But you couldn't.

“Sure.” Jensen answered with a nod. Once again, he also wanted to say something else: thank you for giving me what I need, for seeing me. I love you. But he couldn't.

You picked up your wet panties, throwing it at him with a teasing smile before leaving the trailer.

It was enough.

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[xeo-kunsatan]

Dissatisfied One shot +14 (Part 1)

Warning

This story contains sexual themes, Domestic abuse themes, Toxic relationships, Suicide, cigarettes use, bad words and prostitution references. If you are sensitive or underage please don't read this story.

Dissatisfied.... i don't think it's difficult to found out why do i feel like that..

I wasn't always being the inappropriate whore my grandmother or even my uncle used to call me.. I was supposed to be a innocent child.. tsk yeah.. an innocent child with the shitty luck of having such a shattered family and a stupid child with the shitty luck of having a pedophile as teacher who tried to rape him when the bastard child was just 10.

It's alright.. I guess.. I just woke up in the bed from one of my classmates, let's say he wanted a fun night so I accepted to gave him pleasure.. at least he paid me money so I can leave this room, .. but that didn't satisfied me.. nor even filled me.

I taked my stuff making sure he didn't woke up too but he still..

Rocky: Hey Bunny~, are you leaving to soon?~.

Bradley: Are you Horny again? we did it for almost 2 hours the last night, if you want to continue you most pay again.

Rocky: I have not enough money

Bradley: *change on his clothes* Then I have nothing to do here

Rocky: Tsk, you lost...

Bradley: Lost what? *Sarcastic Chuckle* Your "Buddy" is just bigger than mine, is not the big thing..

Rocky: *chuckles* As if you were that hot~.

Bradley: *takes his backpack* You didn't said that that night.

I left that room, that guy seemed mad by my comment, I can't help it, they still see me as the bastard son of the fire ghost which mess with their city but they actually desires me to gives them the pleasure that a girl or anyone else can't gave them..

I was walking through the hallways, then suddenly someone touched my hand to catch my attention, it was that big blue guy who uses to play American football, another client more.

Bradley: Unwin? Are you sure about this? You didn't had a girlfriend?

Unwin: Well yes.. i have a girlfriend, she asked me to do it one day but I'm not ready to do it nor even i have no idea about how to do it.

Bradley: so.. your first Time?

Unwin: Yep..

Bradley: alright.. we will do it this night, don't forget you have to pay for the fun night, i will teach you how to do it.

Unwin: Ok.. thanks man, Heheh now I see why people calls you Bunny, and not just for being little~ *leaves quickly while he was laughing at Bradley* Slut~.

Bradley: But Rabbits are cute...

After that I went to the school restrooms to take a quick bath to at least go to classes without any boy smell.

Since when i thought that this shit was a good idea?.. why did i thought that this would make me feel complete or even satisfied? I questioned myself while the shower drops were falling on my face.

I have a lot of missed calls from my uncle who is surely mad instead of worried by not arriving at the round house.

I dried myself quickly to then change my clothing and go to classes in time, at my seat I saw him.. Skeebo, after that day it's not the same being next to him. He used to bully me by the same old shit as the others but he stopped since that day I saved his life and i snapped to that lemon head which calls himself hero for a nonsense reason.

If you are asking why the heck I was selling my body like this if I have a traumatic event related with this?

I will answer your question, hate me or not depends of you, I will explain.

First my uncle is a hypocritical stingy, he will not give me any fucking money not even for a candy, he just gives money to my cousin, understandable, and the stupid lemon for his mediocre work.

The second reason... Everything happened in a normal school day (yes, after I got Skeebo's respect), also a normal day of ghost attack, there was a new ghost around the netherworld, this one has a weird power which makes everyone Who touches him or is slimed by him, that person ends into a lust state, it was easy to recognize when he attacked someone...at least for me, he has peculiar smell to Cherries, Strawberries and... saliva.

I didn't had to hide, the ghosts didn't attacked me as always, that lemon ball was around eating them and burping their eyes. That clumsy Pac crashed against me and suddenly Skeebo which was running away locking us in a locker by accident.

Bradley: shit...

Skeebo: Arghh!.. that lemon head!!...

Bradley: *sighs*....

Skeebo: are we in a girl's locker?.. this place smells good~

Bradley:*sniffs*... Oh.. shit.. we are not in a girl's locker...It's my locker....

Skeebo:*sniffs on Bradley's hair* is it you? You smell so good~

Bradley: Well my perfume used to be from my older sister, and i use Pactene Shampoo because my uncle has lots of them for my cousin and me, so it has sense.

Skeebo: It's still so good~

Bradley: fuck fuck fuck fuck... Skeebo.. you were infected by a lust ghost.. and you will not snap from that state until you....

Skeebo: me what?~

Bradley:... *Sighs* i-i.. I'm still scared for t-this... But.. just do it with me... D-d-dont worry.. you will not remember any of this moments...

Skeebo: you're so cute~ you're so sweet~..

Bradley: Ok i think he lost the control short time ago..damn it..

Then Skeebo slowly was ripping off my virginity.. I thought it would hurt as when that awful man tried to do to me.. but... This time.. I felt different.. I felt.. strange... i was embarrassed.. it hurted but I liked it..I don't know how nor why...He where keep going for 1 hour until he ended inside me.. for me it was difficult to still up but that feeling was too difficult to describe... Did I feel satisfaction?.. is this what am I looking for to feel full, did I feel good for at least one time of my life, he finally snapped out that state he didn't understand what happened and suddenly the locker door opened, I was a little naked so I acted quickly and transformed myself into a rabbit to escape from a already embarrassing moment leaving him with the shame. Because of me everyone saw Skeebo half-naked and stained in with his own fluids.

Ms Globular: Mr Spheros.. Mr Skeebo! Wake up!

Bradley: Huh!?...

Skeebo: What!?

Almost Everyone laugh about that.. specially to Skeebo

Ms Globular: Please focus yourself in the exam.

Bradley:..*sighs* yes Ms Globular..

Rocky: what's wrong Skeebo aren't you playing with your "buddy" again?

Izod: Yeah, please don't splash us~

Skeebo: *blushed and mad* you 2 shut up!

Yep... also that day was even worst for Skeebo than the day became into Heebo-Skeebo, he was even a bigger mock for almost all the students, it was my fault by running away as a coward..

Izod: Or what?

Bradley: Do you have any idea about how pathetic you look making fun with a guy because of an embarrassing moment he clearly wants to forget?

Rocky: You have no rights to speak slut!

Skeebo: Don't call him slut!

Izod: Aww the Sper-Man is defending the Play-Bun?.

Bradley: So sad that the sizes of your "Buddies" are not that good enough to compensate your lack of brain..

Ms Globular: That's enough you 4!! If you don't quit speaking that dirty stuff in the class i will send you to detention!

Izod/Rocky: Fine Ms Globular..

Bradley: Alright Ms...

Skeebo: *sighs*

The School Bell rings

It was now lunch time, i wasn't hungry so i left to the school yard to smoke a cigarette, a cherry one, I'm allergic to the normals.

Bradley: *sighs*

"Can i sit with you?" - a voice sounded..

It was Lexy Soto, one of my classmates and the most popular in the school for being so kind with all and bringing desserts from his Dad's restaurant also one of the most famous restaurants in Pacopolis), for it Lexy is really respected and beloved here, especially for that Lemon Ball.

Lexy always left a single meal for me and comes to me to give me company, it's still incredible that he is my friend without caring about my Dad's actions, did Latins are like this?

Bradley: Sure Lexy.

Lexy: Good, *sits to him* i noticed that you weren't in the Cafeteria so i left this cupcake for you.

Bradley: Thanks Lexy, you don't had to do it.

Lexy: I have to, Weon

Bradley:*smiles a little and takes the cupcake* Thanks Lexy, *bites it* Hmm~ is so sweet and soft.

Lexy: Chocolate with raspberry cream.

Bradley: Also.. let me guess, did you put ice cream for the cream?

Lexy: You got me.

Bradley: I knew it!

Lexy: *giggles*... *Starts sniffing Bradley* where selling your body again!?.

Bradley: Oh shit.. you got me

Lexy: Bradley, please you don't have to do it..

Bradley: Lexy, i don't have money to buy any stuff i need, and my uncle doesn't give me a shit.

Lexy: And i thought that presidents in Latin America are awful.. but please... You don't have to do it if you don't like it..

Bradley: That's the problem Lexy.. I think like it..but I hate to do it with that bastards.

Lexy: How you can like that awfull thing?...

Bradley: Because I'm sick Lexy..I know i am sick...but i can't cry for help.. because my uncle will not understand..

Lexy: I could ask my Dad to help you but.. i don't want to bother him...

Bradley: *pets him*... Lexy.. you don't have to do it... Maybe i could be sick.. but i will be okay.

Lexy: *starts sobbing* You're lying!... You are not okay! You said that you would be okay but that's not true.. i know you are suffering.. and it... It worries me a lot!! *Cries*

Bradley:...it's because that awful neighbor did to you, right?

Lexy: !!..

Bradley:*hugs Lexy* I'm sorry... I didn't mean to worry you like this.. maybe it would hurt but.. If something happens to me.. i already have a place in the netherworld with my Dad..

Lexy: If Pacopolis were your home too...

Bradley: Even if i live in netherworld, we would still be friends.

Lexy: At least.. please found a solution...

Bradley: I promise I will try.. *dries Lexy's tears* cheer up BerryPie.

Lexy: you most be the one who most smile first Cabro Culiao!..

Bradley: Heh..*smiles* sorry, like this?

Lexy: *cheers* much better~

6:00 pm

The school And clubs activities ended, Lexy have left to his home early to help out his father with his job as always, it was getting late and time to start my job with that moron, so i left the reading club (Club Wich has a single one member, me) to meet up with that guy i just forgot his name and i don't give a care in remember it.

Unwin: Finally..

Bradley: we will do this quickly, i have to go back to the round house.. i have piano practice at 8:00 pm.

Unwin: All you have to do is please me..

Bradley: just if you pay the price, if you don't i will make sure one of my boys to torment you, got it?

Unwin:*sighs* fine!..*pays him 10 Pac Dollars*

Bradley: Good Boy~.

And well i did it with him as i did with the rest of the boys from Maze High (Except by Pac and Spiral, dude i have my limits, i can't leave that stinky lemon to touch me, and Spiral, i know he likes Pacster since long, it's kinda obvious and i prefer them to have that experience by theirselfs) but ..i didn't felt nothing similar to that curious feeling i felt with him.. it wasn't the same.. but it wasn't possible.. even after he ended as a mock because of me.. i would not be able to stand the guilt...

7:00 pm

By finishing, i just put in my clothing to take my stuff and left the dorms, it was almond late for my classes and even worst i was having a lot of walking problems, fortunately or well.. unfortunately my uncle's limousine arrived next to me And taked me to the round house, the bodyguards didn't looked at me in any moment.. it was uncomfortable.. when we arrived to the round house, there was my uncle waiting for me, he seemed completely mad.

Bradley: *sighs*..

Stratos: Bradley..Where the heck you have been!? Why you didn't come back to home yesterday!? Or not even answered my calls!!??... And ugh!.. what's that awful smell!!??

Bradley: Do you care?.

Stratos: wait.. don't tell me you where sleeping with a guy!!?

Bradley: So what!?, If i was sleeping with someone or i was making out with someone, that's not of your business!!

Stratos: of course it's my business to take care of you!

Bradley: As it was your business to take care of my dad when he needed you more than anything... You cared so much of me that you left me with grandmother!

Stratos: It wasn't that bad!

Bradley: That Bad...It wasn't..That Bad!? I was her fucking Boxing bag and used me to turn off her cigarettes

Stratos: You are exaggerating, she was educating you to be a disciplined and decent man!.

Bradley: So sad, it didn't work..

Stratos: It was for you could not end like your father.

Bradley: Should I'll remember you the boiling water cup she threw me in that Barbecue in the round house by "Accident?

Stratos: Agh just go inside and take a bath right now!.. don't let Cedrick see you!.

Bradley: Whatever...

Yep the same old shit of always... I taked another bath and went to my room, i was so tired, Quartzy was sleeping on my lap to comfort me.. but i still had to play that piano.. so i get up to go to the piano room.. my Uncle wasn't there... that was a good thing, that means he would not bother me.

So i sat in that sit and taked a cherry cigarette from a box i use to hide from my uncle and cousin.

I smoke one of them while I was playing a soft melody in the piano..I was losing myself in my thoughts and the music.. then suddenly someone entered in.

Cedrick: Hey Brad!

Bradley:*throws the cigarette through the window* Oh, hi Cedrick

Cedrick: what where you eating?...

Bradley: oh, it was nothing.

Cedrick: Oke, can I stay with you? I love how you play the piano :D.

Bradley: Alright little bud.

So I played a melodies for my little cousin, I didn't wanted him to see me like this..

I'm at least a little alright if my cousins, my people, my sister, Buttler and my Dad are alright too.. maybe.

Lately when I was close to Skeebo I was feeling something unusual.. like a hungry.. hungry for his virility, hungry for his touch.. I sounded like a monster... I'm sorry..

Suddenly i felt that someone was calling me.

[obaewankenope]

Okay so, I have ADHD. I'm 18 and was diagnosed 2 months ago? Maybe one? I don't remember. Anyways, I'm constantly thinking about and bouncing between the "hey it's okay you can't do this, it's not your fault, you just need some extra help and you can do it!!!" and "you're so stupid, just try harder, if you cared enough you'd be able to do it. why are you asking for special treatment and being a burden?" lines of thinking.

And that, especially lately, has led me to hyperfixating on the fear that, hey, maybe even when I do start medication and have finally figured out how to manage this with my therapist... what if I still can't do it?

This is especially difficult when it comes to art. I'm an aspiring artist & illustrator, and the struggle to do something that I love so much is so incredibly frustrating.

And it makes me worry that, even when I am finally medicated and have what I need, and even now when I'm REALLY struggling... maybe the problem is me and not the clearly albeist system I'm forced to work in.

Maybe I don't love it enough. Maybe I'm not as passionate and dedicated and driven to succeed with my art as I think I am. And it is so unbelievably soul crushing to think that because, that's it for me, that's all I can think to do with my life. I don't really have anything else, which I know sounds dramatic but, yeah. And the idea that I might not care for it enough, or that simply caring for it isn't enough, is really messing with me.

Uh so I'm not really sure what I'm asking aside from, WHAT DO I DO? How do I manage this? How do you deal with the imposter syndrome? Help????

Okay so, there's a LOT to unpack here, bean, and we're gonna do it now at 2:39am because why the fuck not, right?

You're 18 which means your brain is still developing. That means you have to deal with the chaotic brain chemistry that comes with growing on top of the chaos of adhd. That sucks.

The whole swings and roundabouts thinking on your ability is, sadly, very common. Too common to be as normalised as it is tbh. The first thought process is the Good One. That's the one that is Accurate To You And Your Needs. The second thought process is the Society Mindset Of Judgement.

I call thoughts like that "brain weasels" - a concept my friend Lily mentioned one day in chat and I just instantly accepted it as reality.

All those bad thoughts, all those moments of "you're a failure" are given a Name in my mind. That is Brian. Brain Weasel Brian. My mother calls them Brain Weasel Paddy.

I heartily advocate that sort of thing. Adopting this method of Attributing A Name to the thoughts that Don't Help You, is a good method of teaching your brain to separate the bad thoughts and the good ones that help.

Sometimes it doesn't work. In my depressive episodes, it doesn't work great if at all. But that happens. Sometimes nothing helps then. Sometimes existing is about as much as I can manage. It's Sucky but it's not permanent.

Rarely, is anything truly permanent. We just tend to think they are.

Next, hyper fixating on fear.

Again, pretty damned normal if also very sucky. Our brains, no matter whether we're neurodiverse or not, are Very Good at remembering the bad and giving up lots of Risk Lists to consider. This mechanism helps us as a species in the wild, of course, but in the world we live in now... well, it's not the best mechanism out there.

We can't stop it, though. It's part of our evolution as humans. We can figure out tricks to help manage it. See, the biggest problem we have with fear and anxiety is we try to push it down and away or we obsess over it. Those are the worst options.

Anxiety and fear have to be imagined to be like smoke. Its there in the air. Its part of it when a fire happens and we need fires for warmth. So anxiety and fear is natural. It's healthy to have both but not so much that we can't function. The mechanism is messing up if we can't function.

Anyway.

Have you ever tried to capture smoke in your hands? It's not possible. You can't cup your hands like you would with water, can't grip it like you would a solid. No. Because smoke is a gas and it moves and shifts and fills up any space it can.

Anxiety and fear are like smoke. They're part of everything and exists because of Reasons and they can be a good thing but can also be a bad thing too.

It can also become too familiar for us sometimes. Like a smoker who lights up and savours the smell of a burning cigarette.

We cling to what we know even if what we know is bad for us. It's human nature. But just because we cling to what we know doesn't mean we can't be brave and let it go. That's human nature too.

We're a species of messy contradictions, after all.

Medication helps the brain chemistry and assists that fear and anxiety mechanism. It's not a cure, contrary to belief, but it will help. Therapy helps you work through things and medication helps settle your brain which will help you further.

Does that mean it's going to fix you? No, because you're not broken. You're different but not broken.

With your art and illustration and your desire to become an illustrator, I can wholly understand the frustration you feel.

But I wonder, does that frustration stem from fear of failure or from feeling so many emotions and not being able to figure out their source?

If its the former, then that's understandable. We all fear failure. But sometimes, it's not failure we actually fear. What we really fear is success. Because we don't know what to do if we succeed. That's a long term thing.

Failure can be immediate and short term. It's something we can think about in the immediate future because our brains are able to follow the tangent of time enough for that.

But success. Success means long term considerations. It means thinking about what comes after. It means considering potential promotions, opportunities, work pieces, connections and so on. It means thinking of those things beyond the short term where our brain's are most comfortable.

ADHD brains are not really built for long term planning. We're good planners for short term things. Good problem solvers. But rarely is it a long term sort of solution we come up with.

Not because we can't, but because we get so mirred in the details, in the What Ifs and the Possibilities that we lose our focus on the Whole Picture. We lose the tangent.

I don't necessarily think you're not passionate enough. Hardly anyone who draws lacks passion. They may lack technique, but passion... That's something any artist needs in my opinion. Even just a spark.

But being able to use that passion, to convey it, now that's the challenge. That's Hard.

Sometimes it's next to impossible.

The thing is, ADHD and Autism make you feel things Deeply and Chaotically. This makes you struggle to process those feelings.

Being a young adult with Expectations and Responsibilities on top of sucky brain growth chemistry just makes that struggle worse.

You may not be able to channel your passion into your art currently, but that doesn't mean you don't have it.

Think of your passion like a tube that's got a blockage in it. The pressure inside is immense but you've got nothing on hand to remove the blockage. It'll take time to develop the tools, to find them, to help. Or. It might have to remove itself.

This doesn't make you lacking in passion. It just makes you temporarily injured in the passion department. We don't blame someone for a sprained ankle resting. Don't blame yourself for taking time off because of this.

Imposter syndrome is... Hard. So, so hard.

I don't have an answer for you about how to handle it. I do a pretty poor job of it myself. I fake confidence, am awful at accepting praise, and constantly feel inadequate. I just hide it really well.

But that's emotion. That's fear and doubt and anxiety. That's societal expectations stoking the emotional disturbance of imposter syndrome.

Logic tells me different.

But logic is hard to believe. Especially when the emotions are very Loud and Distracting.

Sometimes you have to call those doubts and fears for what they are: Brain Weasels.

Sometimes you have to think of it all like it's smoke.

Sometimes you have to sit down and meditate, crossing a mental bridge between reason and emotion to deliver a message to both sides.

We are individuals who pick out pebbles from the river and admire them. Sometimes we keep them. Sometimes we put them back. Most times, we move on. Those pebbles are difficulties, challenges, doubts.

ADHD tends to try and keep the pebbles. Imposter syndrome uses them as building blocks.

Sometimes you have to dig out the foundations and toss those pebbles back before you can start to work on fixing up the rest.

This has become very rambly now, I'm sorry. Its 3:24am and I need to sleep. I do hope this helps in some way, though. If not for you, then for others.

[fablesrose]

Tell Me a Story 3

Summary: It’s go time

Word count: 2,188

Pairing: cop?!Dean x mafia!reader

Square filled: Crack

Warnings: shooting

Masterlist ~ Bingo Masterlist

A/n: For @girl-next-door-writes​ make me feel bingo. This only has a little bit of crack, but it was sure fun to write! One more part after this!

“Hey Angel.”

“Hey Hot Shot,” I smiled as I held my phone to my ear, the nicknames had settled in for us over the past couple of weeks, and I couldn’t deny that I liked using them. “The next monthly meeting is tonight, you ready to put on a show?”

He laughed, “Like it’s ever an act with you sweetheart.”

I snorted, “Yeah, sure.” I sighed, “Alright, for real though, be a loving boyfriend, but don’t be stupid.”

“Roger roger.”

“I guess I’ll meet you there.”

“Yup.” He hung up the phone promptly, leaving me in silence.

I rubbed my hands all over my face, “He’s a professional who’s only acting this way to make it natural and so he can get some sort of promotion. Don’t look too far into it. You’re probably going to go to prison anyway once this is all over with.” Despite telling myself this over and over, it really didn’t make a difference. I groaned and tried to force my face to relax from the smile I was wearing.

I banged my head once against a nearby wall, “Okay, time to get ready to get this over with.”

Before I knew it I was watching Dean pull up and park near my apartment as I walked to the meeting building.

“Have I ever told you how much I love your car?”

“Only every time you see her,” Dean fell into stride beside me.

“I thought we were gonna meet there.”

Dean grabbed my hand, “And how would that look, the boyfriend not escorting his very important girlfriend into an extremely dangerous crowd?”

“Fair point,” I squeezed his hand, smiling softly to myself.

The door squeaked as we opened it, giggling at nothing.

“Glad you love birds could join us.” Chuck sat at the front of the room, looking rather impatient.

I took my place, Dean beside me, and nodded soberly.

“Let’s begin.”

Naomi stepped forward, “Of course, sir. I have some things that need to be looked-”

“I don’t care about that,” Chuck waved his hand as he cut her off.

It took everything in me not to laugh.

“Some of my… sources, have told me that Doctor Hess wants to make a deal with me.”

There was a couple beats of silence before Meg got brave, “Uh, and who is that?”

“The leader of the Lettermen, obviously.”

The room erupted in laughter.

“Letterboys? Really?”

“Yes,” Chuck snapped at us, trying to shut us up, “and Y/n is going to set it all up.”

That sobered me up quickly, “Pardon?”

“You are going to set up the deal. You’re gonna be our middle man.”

I felt my insides shrivel. What he means is that I’ll be the scapegoat.

“Sir, I’d like to accompany her on this assignment if you don’t mind,” Dean said as he took a half step forward.

“I do mind. Starling will be working this alone, directly with me.”

“But sir-”

I placed a hand on his arm, “Dean.” I shook my head, telling him it wasn’t worth it.

He set his jaw and didn’t press any further.

“So, It’s settled then,” Chuck clapped his hands together once, “that’ll be all, you’re dismissed.”

I glanced at Naomi who looked annoyed at not getting her business done, but she wasn’t brave enough to get snapped at again.

It wasn’t much time later when me and Dean were walking back, alone again.

“Why did you do that?”

“Dean-”

“Why did you stop me from pairing up with you?”

“Because, you were doing a great job at being a loving boyfriend, but I also told you not to be stupid. What you were about to do was incredibly stupid.”

“So you’re gonna do it alone?!” Dean sounded angry, I wasn’t exactly sure why.

I turned to face him, “Yeah, I am! I’ve done stuff like this before, and I’ll have to do it again! But do you understand what this means for us??”

“No, I don’t.”

I grabbed him by the shoulders, “We can do something with this… Maybe I can…”

“We can do some sort of sting operation,” Dean quieted down like he was understanding.

“Exactly! I’ll set something up, I’ll feed you all the information...” I nodded my head, “we can do this.”

“Fine,” he turned and started walking again, “you’re still going to be doing most of this alone though.”

“Don’t worry Dean, I won’t mess it up.”

I thought I heard Dean mumble something, but I didn’t ask what it was. The rest of the walk was quiet until we reached where his car was parked.

I ran my hand along her, looking for scratches that didn’t exist.

“Stay safe, alright? I can’t be losing you now, Angel.”

“I will, don’t you worry Hot Shot.” I smiled at waved as he started her up and drove away.

Let’s cut to me probably doing something stupid, but it is the fastest way to get stuff done in these situations.

“I think you’re on the wrong side of town, ma’am.” A group of boys approached me as I walked a quiet street, deep in Lettermen territory.

I sighed, “You’re probably right, but I also heard through the grapevine that a Doctor Hess wants to make a deal. That ring any bells?”

They all glanced at each other before one addressed me, “Stay here.”

I leaned against a nearby building, choosing not to answer him vocally.

After a while, a man closer to my own age approached me.

“Doctor Hess?”

He laughed, “No, my name is Mick Davies. I’m more of a spokesperson. And I’m assuming you’re not Chuck.”

I smiled back at him, both of us keeping our distance, “Yeah, you wish. It’s Y/n.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

His smile dropped into a more serious expression, “You are correct when you mentioned a deal. Details are still in need of some finalizing, of course, but the basics are, if you share with us some of your… resources that we hear you have, helping us get on our feet, we’ll give you a part of the profits and keep our boys on our side of the line.”

“Intriguing...” This could be big. If I played my cards right, I could maybe bring down the mobs on both sides of the city. Now to play some cards… “If we come to an agreement of terms, Chuck wants a face to face settlement to seal the deal.”

“I don’t think that will be a problem.” He pulled out a card from his pocket, “My contact information, so we can work out the details before the deal.”

I stepped forward and took it, “Well, it’s been a pleasure, hope I see the least amount possible.”

“Likewise.”

And like that we both turned and went out opposite directions.

That wasn’t as bad as I thought it was. Maybe this will be easy.

But now to convince Chuck.

“They want the sealing of the deal face to face or it won’t happen.”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

That wasn’t as bad as I thought it was. Maybe this will be easy.

Now to tell Dean the good news!

“Dean, call me back.”

“Dean, I’ve got something to tell you.”

“Hot Shot, if you don’t answer this damn phone I swear I’m not going put this meeting up.”

Why was this not easy.

The meeting was set. It was to happen in an isolated location just outside of town, two weeks away. Chuck was going to bring the goods, loads of weapons and drugs. I had to be there to back Chuck up, as I’m sure Mick would be there to do the same for this Doctor Hess.

“Dean, I sent the information to your phone, please be there with as many men as possible. From your old job, just to be safe.”

I wanted to actually talk to him. I shouldn’t want that. I’ve gotten too close. It doesn’t matter anymore though. He’s stopped talking to me mid job. The worst case scenario is that I somehow get found out and killed. The absolute best case scenario is that everyone goes to jail except me. The one I was fearing most though was the one where I never see Dean again. Unfortunately there were a bunch of options where that happens.

I kept telling myself that it was just a job to him. That this would benefit him. That he would never want to associate with someone from the mafia in normal circumstances.

Maybe going to jail would be good for me.

My phone rang with an unknown number popping up on the screen.

“Hello?”

“Hey Angel, sorry, I broke my phone.”

“God dammit!” All that worrying for nothing. All the stress that he was somehow dead or leaving me to deal with Chuck by myself. Wasted.

“What?”

“I have been trying to reach you all day. I got the meeting set up, its in two weeks. I’ll send you the place. Both Chuck and Doctor Hess are going to be there with a metric ton of damning evidence in the form of illegal weapons and drugs.”

“That… is awesome!”

“I know right?? I’m gonna need you to bring in all your people.” I soaked it in for a couple of breathes, “I can’t wait to see the look on his face when he’s arrested.”

“You’re not going to be there.” His voice was firm, it was commanding like there was no room for argument.

“Dean...” I spoke regretfully, oh how I wish I could listen to him, “if I’m not there, this all falls apart. This isn’t a personal choice, I have to be there.”

“You could get hurt.”

“Same with every day of my life.”

He sighed, “Fine, but you’re gonna wear a wire so we can communicate.”

“Dean, Chuck may be stupid enough to let you in as a cop, and he may be stupid enough to do this meeting face to face, but he’s not stupid enough-” I paused, “I take that back, he may be that stupid.”

“So it’s settled, you’re going to wear a wire, and I’m gonna bring in all the law enforcement fire power you could ever dream of.”

I laughed, “Deal.”

The meeting came all too quickly. I was wearing a wire, like Dean asked me, but I did not enjoy it, it seemed to be all that was on my mind. Everyone arrived separately. It was decided that I would arrive first and scout out the area, kicking out any lurkers. Then Mick was to show, then the bosses.

Dean was talking in my ear, telling me that they were ready, that anytime now Chuck and Doctor Hess was going to be arrested.

“The profits of the supplies will be split 70/30 right?” Chuck was chatting with Doctor Hess, me and Mick farther out.

Hess huffed, “That’s hardly enough to cover our other expenses, 50/50 split.”

“Come on Doc, there has to be something in it for me, 60/40.”

Her stare was withering, but Chuck was always an idiot, “Fine.”

They shook on it and Chuck directed her to the product a little ways away.

“Chopper is coming in to get eyes, then we’ll fall in,” Dean said.

I hummed discretely to tell him I heard and started to glance around the dark sky, supposedly looking for stars.

Eventually the helicopter flew in with a spotlight shining down on us.

“Finally,” I spoke out loud, glad this was going to be over.

But I might have spoken a bit too loudly since Chuck pulled out a gun, “You bitch!”

I faced him, my arms crossed against my chest, “Been called a lot worse you motherfucker.”

“FBI! Drop the weapon!” Dean was at the front of the group in an FBI vest, aiming his gun at Chuck. The rest of the agents surrounded the area and quickly started arresting Hess and Mick.

Chuck hesitated, but in the end he shot at me. I tried to move quickly but he still grazed my shoulder. Chuck looked like he wanted to shoot me again, but Dean took two shots before he could, one to the hand holding the gun and another to his leg, effectively making him drop the gun and fall to the ground. Dean directed a couple of agents to Chuck while he ran over to me.

“Man, you really are a hot shot Hot Shot.” I laughed as I pressed a hand against my shoulder.

“I can’t believe you just stood there as Chuck aimed a gun at you. That is so dangerous,” he made sure I was comfortable before he called for a medic.

“Chuck isn’t that great with precision weapons, look, he just grazed me!” I laid my clean hand on his arm, “Thank you. This means so much to me, I don’t know how I could ever repay you.”

The medics came and started to push Dean back so she could get to me.

“You helped get Sam out, how ‘bout we stay in touch and we’ll call it even?”

I nodded, “You got it Hot Shot.”

“They’ll take good care of you, Angel.”

Best Buds: @kitkatd7​ @snarky--starky​ @confetti-its-an-imagine-blog ​ @kaogasm​

Dean: @akshi8278​ @msmarvelouswinchester

TMAS: @flamencodiva

[avidreider]

Journals Part 3 ~ all bad (Spencer Reid x Reader)

Journals Series 

Based on the song, “All Bad” by Justin Bieber.

CW: more angst (sorry, it will get happy eventually).

This whole fic is from 3rd person or Spencer’s POV. 

Key: Y/N = your name, italicized = unspoken thoughts, bold = texts/emails/notes, bold + italicized = song lyrics.

-- I do not own rights to the gif or the song. -- 

How many times did Spencer have to call Y/N before he finally wore her down enough for her to at least answer? He didn’t know why he was even trying; it was incredibly likely that she had blocked his number again. 

“You alright kid?” Derek asked, when Spencer was silent for the first hour and a half at work. 

“Yeah, I’m just tired. I haven’t been sleeping well.” 

“Kid, we all know that this attitude is from more than fatigue. You can’t shut us out forever.” 

“Drop it, Morgan.” 

And with a quick pat on the shoulder, Derek left Spencer alone at his desk. 

Hey Reid. Can you come to my Batcave for a minute? I’ll make it worth your while. ;)

With a sigh, Spencer hoisted himself out of his chair and headed toward Garcia’s lair. 

“Did you need something, Garcia?” Spencer asked. 

“Well first of all, I made some really good cookies and I wanted you to have first dibs,” she handed him the plate with a smile. “And secondly, I wanted to let you know that Y/N did not block your number. So that tells me that she isn’t over you, she’s just hurt. She may just need a little more time and -” 

“Garcia, I didn’t ask you to do this. She caught me with a woman she was worried about. There’s no way that -”

“She caught you with another woman?!” she exclaimed as she planted a loud smack on Spencer’s chest. 

“Okay first of all, OW. Second of all, we were just having coffee, but Y/N freaked out before I could explain.” 

“What’s this woman’s name?”

“Lila Everett, I’m quite sure you don’t know her-”

“Okay Boy Wonder, get out.”

“Why?”

“Just get out, I’ll text you if I have anymore updates,” and with that, Spencer went back to the stack of paperwork waiting for him at his desk. 

--- MEANWHILE ---  

Garcia tapped and clicked and called away in order to find out everything she could about Lila Everett; every job, transaction, relationship, and mistake, and compiled a list for Reid. She sent it to his email with small little markers wherever she wanted to leave a note. 

One section of the document really struck Reid. He was a profiler, but even Lila had him fooled. 

Alan Wright

Josh Stern 

Matt Blevins 

Evan Hart 

> All of these men that she’s dated claimed that she cheated on them. Y/N would never cheat on you. She also stole money from them early on in their relationships, but they let it go due to her charm. 

Spencer stood up to go talk to Penelope. “Stop sending me dirt on Lila. I don’t like her. I probably won’t ever see her again, okay?”

“Good, she’s not for you Reid.” 

“I know,” he replied, just as his phone buzzed flashing a notification indicating that Y/N had finally texted him. 

Spencer. Please stop talking about me to Penelope. I understand that you messed up and that you want to talk, but I am not in the mood to talk to you just yet. You broke me. You got bored with me, so you turned to some woman you barely knew. You neglected me and our relationship and I just don’t see how you can fix that at this point. 

I know, Y/N. I’m so sorry. 

Sorry still doesn’t change anything, Spencer. Lila got ahold of me, and told me what you said to her. 

What are you talking about?

You told her how much she meant to you, how beautiful and gorgeous she was, how you could see yourself falling for her, how she was better than me, etc. 

What? I never said any of that to Lila. 

Spencer dialed Y/N’s number as quickly as he could. 

“Hello?” 

“What are you talking about? I never told Lila any of that. Lila and I were just friends, but we aren’t even that anymore.” Spencer said, confused. 

“Do not play with me, Spencer. She said that you two are going to dinner tonight, and that she thinks that she may be pregnant with your child,” Y/N said, with tears in her voice. 

Spencer couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He had never even met with Lila outside of school hours besides the one coffee they grabbed together. “Y/N, she’s lying to you. I’ve never even spent time with her. How could you think so little of me?”

“She told me everything, Spencer! You don’t have to lie to me anymore,” Y/N said, before hanging up. 

It's another, if it ain't one thing. Instigators, like pouring fire on propane. The wrong thing, they be worried about. Oh, you know females -  And how they like to run their mouths. 

Wanna be, just like, talk like, you - Misery, misery, loves company. Don't let them change your mood.

They try to get at me  Behind your back,  Tryna tell me that I'm just like the others, But I ain't all bad.

I might make you mad, so mad.

My bad, no, I ain't all bad.

Several days passed, and Spencer hasn’t been sleeping or eating well. 

He was almost dozing on a Sunday afternoon when there was a knock at the door. 

He looked like a wreck, but he didn’t care. He flung the door open to see Y/N’s tear-stained face. 

“Y/N?! Come in, please! Are you okay?” He asked, as he enveloped her in a tight hug. 

“I just didn’t know if you still wanted to talk,” she responded. 

“Yes, yes of course! I’ll put on some coffee.” 

Spencer rushed around his apartment trying to calm his nerves and clean up at the same time. 

Once the pair were settled in with their coffee, Y/N began to speak. “So, Lila and I have been talking, and it turns out we have a lot in common,” she began with a smile, “and whoever you decide that you want to be with, the other would like to remain friends with you. We both love you.” 

Spencer was still confused as to why he was ever a topic of conversation for Lila when he hadn’t spoken to her since they met at the coffeehouse. 

“Y/N, I don’t know what she’s been telling you, but there is absolutely nothing going on between me and Lila. I don’t know how to prove it to you, but I’ll do whatever it takes. You are the one that I love, and I am so sorry that I took you for granted. That will never happen again. I’ll have Garcia hack into our phones and prove that we haven’t been talking, if that will convince you.” 

“I think she needs to hear that, Spencer, because she thinks that you two are an item.” 

“Then baby, she’s delusional,” Spencer said with a grin. 

“Shall we tell her the news today, then?” 

“Anything for you, Y/N.” 

“Okay, I’ll have her meet us at the same coffeehouse from the other day.” 

The ride there was quiet, but content. Lila was already there waiting, and she greeted the pair with a smile. Y/N slid into the opposite side of the booth, and Spencer joined her. He couldn’t help but smile when he saw how disappointed Lila looked by that fact. 

“So...” Lila began. 

“I’m not sure why you told Y/N that you and I were anything more that friends, or that we had ever had sexual intercourse when he haven’t be physically intimate in any capacity whatsoever. I also don’t know why you made a big deal to befriend Y/N in the first place, but our relationships with you - friends or otherwise - will be ending here. Y/N is the love of my life, and you are just a troublemaker,” Spencer stated with the utmost confidence. With all that being said, Lila began to cry. 

“Spencer,” Y/N reprimanded, “that was very rude. We can still be friends with her. You just won’t be pursuing a romantic relationship with her.” 

“I don’t know what I did to deserve that,” Lila cried, “but I’m sorry, Spencer. See, Y/N, I told you that Spencer was just manipulating us both!” 

Spencer nearly lost it. How dare he contaminate the mind of his one true love?! 

“Me?!” Spencer spat, “you are the only one being manipulative here! Come on, Y/N.” 

“Spencer... we can’t just leave her.” 

“Baby, your heart is so big, and that’s one of the many reasons why I love you. But she is trying to ruin our relationship! You have to be blind to not see that!” Spencer exclaimed. 

“I may not be a profiler, but that doesn’t mean that I’m stupid, Spencer.”

“I know you’re not stupid, baby, but please. Can’t we just go home? I missed you so much.” 

Reluctantly, Y/N agreed, but not without leaning across the table to Lila to whisper, “text me later, okay?”

“I will,” she responded, still sobbing. When Y/N turned to leave though, it was clear the sobs were fake. Spencer turned to look at her, and Lila had the most evil grin on her face. Spencer clenched his jaw, and pushed Y/N out the door. 

Between us, they wanna comment. Your worst enemy some time be your best friend - Perfect, ain't saying that I am... Proven, least I'm proving that I give a damn.

Wanna be, everything I ought to be to you,  Envy, envy, same thing as jealousy - Jealous of you, That's what they do.

They try to get at me Behind your back,  Tryin' to tell me that I'm just like the others But I ain't all bad.

No, no, I ain't all bad...

[twinkleimagines]

✨Check Please (part 2)✨

👉 Part one

Summary: you get in touch with Tom after he has tipped you 2 months worth of income after being fired from your job. You aren’t sure if he’s nice out of sympathy or if he really likes you.

⚠️⭕️ Smut and language included

It had been almost two weeks since you had gotten fired from your job. Job hunting had become incredibly hard because the end of the semester tests were coming up back to back and you really couldn’t afford to fail. Most jobs weren’t interested because you were a fully time student and your availability was really limited. You hadn’t bothered to message Tom , not because you were ungrateful for what he had done, but more so ashamed. He had given you so much money and here you are still jobless- of course any reasonable person would’ve understood why considering your circumstances but you always thought the worst unfortunately.

It was your Saturday thankfully and it was another day going job hunting . You had seen a few ads online for a near by restaurant in need of a dishwasher and the pay was decent. It wasn’t much compared to the previous job but at this point you would take anything. You sighed heavily before opening the door to the restaurant, the sound of the bell dinging above you.

“ hi welcome to the Ledbury , will it just be you dining tonight?” The hostess asked while grabbing out a menu.

“ oh no I came here for a job interview.”

“ oh okay, stay right here “ she insisted before walking towards the back of the store. You stood there patiently waiting until you heard your name being called out.

“ y/n is that you ?” You heard. Could it really be?

‘ shit’ you mumbled under your breath. This guy gives you money and you don’t even text him and now he’s here.

“ Hey stranger” he said jokingly before pulling you in for a hug. “ what have you been up to ? I never heard from you”

“ I know and I am so sorry , I’ve been job hunting and studying for school and - it’s just really been hectic” you exclaimed. You felt bad for not reaching out but you really wanted to wait until you had a job. “ so I’m here waiting to get interviewed for a dish washer position.” You beamed with sarcastic excitement.

“ dish washer?” He questioned, “ that’s horrible they don’t have anything better to offer you?” You shrugged your shoulders.

“ at this point I’ll take whatever I can get”. Tom looked at you with those same puppy eyes he once did when you had gotten fired.

“ that’s unacceptable no” he said crossing his arms.

“ you’re too good for that , I’m sure I can pull a few strings get you a decent job , something that you can do at your dorm”. Great. Another favor for you to feel bad about.

“ no Tom it’s okay” you said waving your hands in front of you. “ you’ve done enough and you don’t even know me “ . He shrugged and nodding agreeing with you.

“ I mean you’re not wrong , but that doesn’t mean I can’t help you”

“ Tom seriously it’s okay “ you exclaimed shaking your head. Tom scoffed before smiling .

“ y/n I’m not taking no for an answer” he stated . “ Now why don’t you come join me and my brother for tea. “. He suggested poingting behind him at his brother. You stood contemplating on whether or not you should take the offer. It would honestly make your life 10x easier if he really did what he said he would , but at the same time you don’t like for everything to be handed to you. After a few quiet seconds you nodded your head yes before following Tom to the table. You had gotten so wrapped up in conversating with the boys you hadn’t even realized how late it had gotten .

“ I really should get goin” you said looking out at the now black sky from the window. “ but if you’re still in town tomorrow we should definitely get together” you said standing up.

“ I’d love that Y/n “ Tom said standing up, giving you a hug.

“ oh how much do I owe” you said reaching in your purse to grab your wallet.

“ no don’t worry bout it “ Tom said placing his hands on yours. You could feel butterflies immediately start fluttering around in your stomach as his skin touched yours . You had become very fond of Tom. Over the night you had realized that he was a genuine kind guy who just wanted to do good for others. Which was shocking because a lot of people with fame and fortune like that almost always let it go to their heads and become complete dicks.

“ nice try” you smirked before tossing down some money on the table. Before they could say anything to you , you were already walking out the door.

*

As you laid in your bed in your dorm, your head couldn’t get off of Tom. He was just so special. His heart and intentions were so pure, and that smile was just perfect. You hated yourself for falling so quick. You barely knew this guy but yet he couldn’t leave your mind . You finally decided to find that receipt paper out of your purse and send Tom a message.

‘ hey are u up? It’s y/n’

‘ hey! I thought you had lost my number lol’

‘ no idk what I was thinking I’m sorry !! ‘

‘ it’s okay, I’m just glad to be hearing from you now’.

You felt those same butterflies start fluttering again . Could he really be happy to be talking to you or is he just overly nice.

‘ the feelings are mutual. I’m so glad we ran into each other . Are we still on for tomorrow ?’

‘ absolutely, just call when you’re ready and I can come get you’ he responded . The conversation quickly ended after that, you both saying your good nights.

****

“ I’ve never seen this part of town up close” you beamed to Tom as you looked at the lighten Christmas trees around the town buildings. Tom decided a walk through the park and town , would do you both justice to get to know each other .

“Really?” He asked with shock. You looked over at him nodding before looking down at your feet as you walked. Tom had done the same , sticking his hands in his pants pockets . “ it’s a lovely place honestly , it’s so relaxing and not overwhelmingly crowded” he stated. You didn’t too much care about the amount of people, you were more enjoying his company. He was so beautiful. Everything about him had you mesmerized and with him having such a kind personality made him even more charming.

“ Tom” you said stopping to turn towards him.

“Hm?” He replied , turning to look at you.

“ I don’t know how to to thank you. You’ve helped me more than anyone has since I moved here.” You stated with sincere. “ I mean Even my own parents don’t even send money. I-I mean it’s not all about the money of course but I’ve really really been struggling and I honestly have felt so alone with it all. “ you chuckled awkwardly before looking back down at your feet, to embarrassing to continue looking at Tom. “ what I’m trying to say is , I was days away from giving up on it all and then you came into my life and I just , I don’t know I feel like everything is going to be okay again” .

“Y/n” Tom said lifting your head back up by your chin. He had on the biggest grin, the sun making his brown eyes turn golden. “ everything will be okay. And i don’t want you to ever feel like I’m just helping you for attention. I have the means to help you and you just seem like such a bright woman who is probably braver than anyone I know” he stated. “ there’s no way I would move far from home on my own, knowing no one , working while going to school, I mean that’s a lot”. You laughed nodding when he said that. He had a way of making you feel better about yourself . He spoke all the positive sides of what you had been doing , when all you did was look at the negatives about it.

“ and if we’re being honest , you’ve been on my mind since the day you catered to me”. This time it was his turn to look down shyly. You furrowed your eyebrows towards him, cocking your head to the side a little in confusion. “ you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on” you couldn’t help but laugh out loud shaking your head.

“Okay Tom what kind of game is this?” You said semi jokingly . It was hard to believe what Tom was saying because you were a hot mess the day he met you. Your hair was in a sloppy bun, frizzy and tangled from lack of proper hygiene, left over make up on. There’s just no way he found that to be so beautiful.

“ I’m serious ! “ he laughed back , his smile going from ear to ear. “ I’ve just been so intrigued by you, and when you didn’t text or call those first two weeks I honestly got a little butt hurt. “ you smiled.

“ I swear I didn’t want to waste your time that’s why I did that” and you were being honest . Tom shook his head while reaching out for your hand.

“ I’ve got all the time in the world . I know that I want you to be apart of my life in some way. And if that means I’ve got to sit and help you get through this college thing then so be it”. Your heart beating started pacing , looking up at him. Before you could second think it , you quickly pressed your lips against his-a simple but perfect peck.

“ s-sorry. I don’t know why I did that it just kinda came out of no where I’m so-“ Tom interrupted you by placing his lips back against yours, this time the moment lasting longer.

****

“ is this what you wanna watch?” Tom asked flopping down on his couch next to you . It had been 3 months since your first day and you could say you both had become inseparable. Almost every day you were together . Whether he came over and helped you study or you were at his place during your free time.

Tonight was your first night staying the night and you were pretty nervous. You and Tom have had plenty of make out sessions and slight groping of private areas but it had never went past that. You were hoping for different tonight though as you were craving his touch. You had thought about it day and night here recently on what it would feel like to have him inside you .

“ it’s so romantic “ you beamed as you pressed play on ‘The notebook’. It was a romantic movie but you also wanted to set the mood in hopes of Tom wanting you in the same way you wanted him. You weren’t a virgin but it had been well over a year since you had had any sexual encounters and with the way things were moving between you and Tom , you were ready.

“ well okay Darling. “ he responded before tossing a piece of popcorn in his mouth. You laid your head partially on his lap, your legs stretched out across the couch while your hand was in Toms popcorn bag. “ now love, don’t fall asleep” he stated before moving some of your hair out of your face . How could you when all you could think about was him and his hands all over you.

“ I’m not baby” you said looking up at him. He grinned before looking back at the tv.

~~

It had come to the love seen where Noah and Allie were arguing in the rain. You knew what was up next but Tom hadn’t seen it yet to know . As the sex scene began , your heart started pounding faster, in between your legs getting warmer as you watched the scene, wishing it was you and Tom. Seconds later though you realized you weren’t the only one wishfully thinking when you felt Toms member jump against the side of your head through his gray sweat pants. You grinned but you didn’t bother moving . You had felt it tap a few times again, each time if felt harder and harder so you lifted your head up, looking down at his crotch. His dock was sitting straight up at this point , no denying what he wanted so you kissed against the tip, causing it to jump again against your mouth. Tom sighed heavily as you reached down in his joggers, grabbing ahold of him, squeezing tightly. Your pumping against him began slow before you leaned your head brown, wrapping your plump lips around the tip, your tongue running up the side of his tip. You felt his cock twitch before you went down further on him. Tom sank himself into the couch before he gently thrusted his hips into your mouth . You could hear the low moans coming from him even with there playing in back ground. At this point you were up on your knees to the side of Tom, your head bouncing up and down while you rotated your hand around his member, your back arched making your ass stick up in the air.

“ god” Tom groaned out, his pacing going a little faster . You reached down to touch yourself with your free hand but was quickly stopped by Tom grabbing it.

“ let me” he breathed out, his voice deep and groggily . You but your bottom lip before sitting up , removing your top. Toms eyes gazed over your body as you laid back on the couch flat on your back, pulling down your shorts and panties. Tom then made his way over you , kissing your lips first before making its way down by your neck . He then when to your left breast first , twirling his tongue around your nipple while his hand massaged the other breast. You moaned loudly , lifting your hips up grinding against him trying to get some sort of friction. Tom had now traveled down your stomach with kisses, his hand pressed against your pussy. You but your lip while you thrusted your hips up and down, grinding against his hands.

“ does that feel good love?” He asked as he watched you move yourself against him. You moaned in response , nodding your head while your eyes remained closed. You gasped loudly when you felt two fingers inserting you slowly. Tom wiggled them some before pumping, his other hand rubbing against your clit . You were in heaven but it still wasn’t enough. You wanted him in you.

“ fuck me Tom” you said reaching down grabbing his hand to stop. Tom sat up removing the rest of his clothing before hovering back over you.

“ you want me?” He asked, the tip of his dick right at the edge of your entrance .

“ please” you pleaded placing your hands on the back of his neck. Tom leaned down kissing you while sliding himself in you, you nothing sharing a moan when he got all the way in . He sat for just a second letting you adjust before he slowly slid back out some, leaving just the tip in. You moaned loudly as he slip himself back in, this time at a faster pace while his tongue glided over yours. Eventually Toms motions had become a steady beat, your head hitting the arm rest with each thrust. The both of you were sweating by this point , his body pressed up against yours as you lifted your leg up , allowing him in deeper.

“ roll over” Tom demanded while pulling out, sitting up off you. You quickly rolled over getting on all fours, arching your back and laying your head down on the head rest. Only seconds later you felt Tom sliding right back in to your soaking wet pussy, his thrusts getting harder than before . At this point his living room was full of moans, the tv playing in the back ground, and your skin slipping against each other as he pounded in you deep. His hands were placed firmly in the curve of your arch, pulling you back towards him everytime he thrusted in you.

You couldn’t even hold back the moans it had all set so good. His body was shimmering with the sweat all over him, veins popping out of his arms and neck and along his v line as his body tightened everytime he hit your g-spot . At this point your legs were so wobbly you laid back down on your stomach, Tom still sliding in and out of you only this time this position made you tighten around Tom.

“ oh god” he moaned out as he laid his forehead against your back , grinding deeply in you . “ you’re so fucking tight” you reached back grabbing a hold of his hair, tugging slightly as he pushed down on to it lower back , grinding deep in you. You started rotations your hips in a circular motion against him, almost sending him over the edge.

“ fuck” he moaned o loudly before pulling out. You grinned as you felt his warm cum landing on your lower back, grunts and moans coming from Tom. He sat for a second before grabbing a wash cloth from the kitchen , helping crank himself and you off. You both had gotten back dressed in silence, smiling while thinking about the time you just had .

“ that’s as.. that was perfect” Tom said running his hand through his hair grinning at you. You placed your head in your hands blushing .

“ it really was “you beamed looking up at him before kissing his lips. By this time the ending credits were rolling and you both were exhausted.

“ wanna restart?” He suggest referring to the movie.

“ I actually would like to try out your bed” you suggested laughing slightly .

“ oh love I don’t know if I’m ready for round two unless you want on top this time” he said tugging on his shirt tightly signing that he was heated up.

“ no” you laughed shaking your head . “ I mean for sleeping”

“ ohhh” he said his mouth forming in an ‘O’ shape. “ I agree” he stated before standing up, holding his hand out for you to grab . You both had gotten settled in his king sized bed, him being the big spoon of course .

“ tonight really was amazing” you said closing your eyes, pushing yourself back against him.

“ yes darling” he said before kissing your Cheek. “ goodnight love” he said before yawning .

You smiled, falling asleep in his arms.

[summahsunlight]

All For You, Part 4

Rating: T

Word Count: 2010

Pairing: Poe Dameron X Pilot!Reader

Summary: Your life in the Resistance was not easy, being married to Commander Poe Dameron and a skilled pilot yourself. When you unexpectedly get pregnant, your life is forever changed. Raising a child on base is hard, but never having parents of your own as a child, you are determined to love your little girl and give her the best life. Poe is equally as devoted to you and your daughter, vowing to keep you both safe from the impending threat of the First Order.

Taglist: @thescarletknight2014​, @elmoakepoke​, @xxidontwikeitxx​, @liadamerondjarin​, @marvelofwitch​, @blushingwueen​, @april-14-blog​

Here is the next part! The taglist is still open, just let me know if you want to be added🥰Feedback is always appreciated! I love to hear from you!

Poe looked at the anticipation in the eyes of his squadron--as they waited for him to confirm what they already knew--no thanks to BB-8. He swallowed, nervously, his brown eyes traveling to you for a second. You were positively pale--then again, that could be because you were still not feeling well and had nothing to do with the fact that your secret had been revealed.  

Snap drummed his fingers on the table, catching Poe’s attention and the commander could see that the rest of the squadron was eagerly awaiting him to say something. 

Reaching underneath the table, Poe found your hand and grasped it. “Yes,” he said, slowly, calmly, “we’re having a baby--we didn’t tell you guys because we’re still wrapping our heads around it ourselves. It wasn’t like this was...ah... planned.”

“Are you... are you going to raise the baby here?” Jess asked, quietly.

“Yes,” you replied, “where else would we raise our baby?”

Karé, Snap, and Jess all exchanged glances. “Well,” Snap said, “it’s just seems to make more sense if... the baby went to live with Poe’s dad--I mean, is a base really that safe for a baby?”

Poe hadn’t told you yet, but he had taken into consideration--a lot of consideration--about having his dad take the baby. He knew this would be incredibly difficult for you, knowing that you were abandoned as a baby--but it was the safety of your child you were talking about. “We haven't really discussed it.”

You threw him a look. What did he mean by that? You had discussed it, when you told him that you were pregnant you had made it clear that you wanted to raise your baby. No where in that conversation had you discussed shipping that baby off to Yavin IV to live with Kes. “Yes, we have,” you said, annoyed. “We agreed that we’re going to raise the baby here.” 

Snap knew immediately that he’d set a fire and now desperately tried to put it out. “Ah, well, if you are going to raise the baby here--we’ll all be here to help you--anyway we can. My mom always said it takes a village to raise a child, so we’ll happily be your village.”

“If you need someone to baby-sit, we’re willing to do it,” Jess supplied.

“And if you don’t trust the droid killer--Karé and I are available.”

“Hey! A baby is different than a droid! I can take care of a baby!”

“I dunno if Poe and Y/N are going to feel comfortable leaving their baby with you, Pava.”

Jess glared at Snap and Karé; she might have reputation as being bad luck for droids, but she would never let anything hurt your baby.  Poe and you were family and thus that baby was family. “You guys are the worst.”

Poe smiled, lightheartedly. He knew that his friends would be there if you needed help with the baby--but they had important jobs within the Resistance as well. He knew that you were mad at him; he could see the seething look in your eyes when he said that you hadn’t discussed where the baby was going to live. Oh, the two of you were going to have it out once you got back to your room. “We appreciate your offer to help,” he said, looking at his friends. “But... we’re all rather busy here.”

Karé nodded. “Exactly why you need all the help you can get, Poe. We might not be parents, but we’re not stupid. We know this is going to be hard and we want to be there for you guys. You’d do the same for any of us.”

Finishing the food you had not wanted to eat to begin with, you stood, said you weren’t feeling well, and wished them all good-night. Black Squadron watched as you stormed out of the mess hall. 

“If you need a place to stay--our couch is available,” Snap said, smiling.

“Am I crazy in wanting the baby to go live with my dad?” Poe asked.

“No,” Jess said, shaking her head. “You want the baby to be safe--maybe Y/N can go with the baby to live with your dad?”

It was an idea that crossed Poe’s mind but he knew you would never go for it--you were just as dedicated to the Resistance was he was. Sighing, he rubbed a hand over his face. “Thanks, guys,” he said, standing up. “I’ll see you in the morning. I need to go get this ass chewing done and over with.”

As Poe walked away, Snap called out after him, “Remember! Our sofa is always available to you, Dameron!”

----

Once you were back in your quarters, you flopped down onto the bed in a sob, which caused BB-8 to perk up and ask if everything was okay. Screaming into the pillow only seemed to alarm the little droid more and he was half-way towards the door to go find Poe when you shouted at him to stop.

BB-8 turned and rolled towards you. Sitting up on the bed, you wiped your eyes. “I’m sorry, BeeBee. I’m...tired and angry and I shouldn’t be taking it out on you. It’s not your fault.”

Falling back onto the pillows, you stared up at the ceiling. You knew that Poe’s heart was in the right place--wanting to send your baby to live with Kes--but at the same time you couldn’t believe that after everything you had been through, he was still thinking about it. You refused to abandon your baby like you had been abandoned. Refused. Poe was just going to have to understand that. 

“So, should I just grab my things and head to Snap’s?”

“I dunno, should you?”

Poe sighed, heavily, and rubbed a hand over his face. “Sweetheart, do you honestly think I just want to dump our baby on my dad? I hate the idea; I know how much my parents hated leaving me--but right now I cannot justify raising our child here--not with a war looming in the not so distant future.”

You sat up and glared at him. “Even after I told you how much I wanted to raise our baby--that I didn’t want to be like my parents and just leave--you still want to hand our baby off to Kes? It’s like you didn’t even listen to me, Poe.”

He licked his lips. “It’s not a decision that I take lightly. It breaks my heart to think about leaving our baby, but we need to think about what’s best for the baby--not us, sweetheart. My dad is more than willing to take the baby until this is over and we can go home.”

Tears slipped down your cheeks. “What’s best for our baby is to be raised by its parents--not left behind! I won’t do it, Poe! I won’t leave my baby! I know it’s going to be hard, I know that it’s going to change a lot for both of us! And now, you tell me you’ve already talked to your dad! How could you leave me out of decision like this, Poe?”

“Because I knew this is the way you would react,” Poe said, calmly. 

“And yet you did it anyway,” you snapped.

“I don’t want to argue. So, I’m gonna stay with Snap tonight.”

“There’s nothing to fight over. We made our decision already.”

Poe looked at you, his brown eyes intense. “Do you think this was easy for me? All I want is to keep you and the baby safe. I know I’ll never be able to convince you to walk away from the Resistance--my dad was the next best option. You and this baby are my life, sweetheart! I would give up my life for you if it meant protecting you and our baby!”

You could barely see him through all your tears. You knew how much you meant to him, how much the baby meant to him--and you knew that he would do anything for you to keep you both safe. “Please, Poe, please don’t make me give up my baby.” 

BB-8 chirped, sadly. Poe glanced at his droid and let out a loud sigh. He reached for your hands and pulled you to your feet, wrapping you into his arms. You buried your face into his chest and sobbed. You were hating how this pregnancy was messing so much with your body that you couldn’t control your emotions. His hand rubbed your back, the other cupped the back of your head--and he just let you cry. “I won’t make you give up the baby. Just promise me that if the time comes when it gets too dangerous for the baby, that you’ll take the baby to Yavin and stay with my dad.”

That seemed reasonable and you knew it was, but for whatever reason you just sobbed harder.  Poe’s arms tightened around your shaking body. “Maybe we should have asked Doctor Kalonia about giving you something for your mood swings,” he teased, chuckling softly. 

“Not funny!” you snapped into his chest. “I hate this! I hate crying all the time! And I hate being angry and scared and... I just hate this! I hate feeling like I don’t have control of anything right now!”

“I know, baby,” he said, gently. His lips brushed against your cheek. “Does it help to know that I love you no matter what kind of mood you throw at me?”

You sniffled. “It helps a little.”

Poe kissed your cheek again. “I love you; no matter what.”

Some days you felt like you didn't deserve him; today was one of those days. He was just trying to take care of you and the baby and you had gotten furious at him. Now, you were crying in his arms and he still loved you. 

Gently he lifted you off the floor and carried you to the bed, softly laying you there. Pulling off your boots, Poe smiled at you. “I think it’s time for you to get some sleep, babe. Obviously you’re tired and stressed--that isn’t good for the baby.”

“Do...do you forgive me for all the awful things I said?”

“Already forgotten, sweetheart.”

“Why are you so good to me?”

“Because--you were the only girl to put up with me.”

Half giggling, half crying still, you pushed him away playfully. You had been painfully shy at flight school--Poe had pulled you from that shell, he had befriended you before he fell in love with you. Although, he would often tell you that it was love at first sight for him. “Not true. Lots of girls would have put up with you if meant getting a date with you.”

Poe cocked a smile. “True,” he said, leaning forward and kissing you. “I was madly in love with you though from the moment I laid eyes on you. Drove my roommate crazy. Besides making me the happiest guy on campus when you agreed to a date--you made him the happiest guy because he didn’t have to listen to me rant on and on about how much I wanted to ask you out.”

“I remember him... he was cute.”

“He’s also married, now. Him and his husband are very happy.”

Yawning, you laughed.  Poe stroked your cheek with his thumb and coaxed you to fall asleep. “Are you still going to stay with Snap?” you asked him, watching him, lazily.

Sighing, Poe continued to trace circles in your cheek with his thumb. “If you want me too.”

Shaking you head, you started to drift off. “I want you to stay. I’m not...I’m not angry anymore.”

“I have reports to finish. I won’t keep you up?”

“No, you won’t keep me up.”

Poe chuckled as you fell fast asleep.  Getting up off the bed, he tucked the blankets around and went to the desk to complete his reports. And you were right, his working didn’t wake you.

[jehaatiade]

:,) a humble ask for hc’s for Din, Ezra, and Javier admitting they love you in an angsty situation :,)

This took me hours but it came together so well! Thank you for the wonderful prompt!

Din:

he has mixed feelings about taking you along on bounties. you’re the rare combination of a talented bounty hunter and a person who’s never tried to cheat him.

but on the other hand… the possibility of coming back from a hunt without you makes something deep in his chest ache.

you make him laugh. you like him, but you’ve never pushed him to take off his helmet. you make the Razor Crest and the flight time between planets seem more alive.

he’s kissed you. more than once. but only as a Mandalorian, the cold beskar of his helmet against your forehead. he doesn’t know if you understand what that means.

the two of you are on a nameless dump of a moon where the grey salt flats are studded with wreckage from a space battle, tracking a pirate with a hefty bounty on his head, when it happens.

you get a single glimpse of the pirate before there’s a hail of blaster bolts headed in your direction. you both take cover, and the Mando uses terse field signs to lay out his plan: you go right and flush him out. i’ll go left and take him down.

the plan does not come together nicely. in fact, the plan does not come together at all.

the mark is harder to scare than you expected, and by the time you’re in range to force him out from behind his cover, you’re close enough that he can grab you.

it’s a little embarrassing, honestly. you haven’t been in a choke-hold with a blaster to your head since you were sixteen and stupid.

“Let her go,” the Mando says. despite the anger in his tone, his voice is even and his aim doesn’t waver. you’ve admired that rifle since the first time you saw it: the faint iridescence of its prongs, the elegant curve of its stock, the meticulous modifications to its forestock. you’ve never had it pointed at you before.

“Of course, my friend,” the pirate says. “Because I have survived this long by being incredibly foolish. No, she is coming with me. If you ask nicely, I may even leave her in one piece once I reach my ship. If you try to interfere…”

he makes a nonchalant who knows? gesture, and for a second the barrel of his blaster isn’t pressed against your head.

you haven’t been sixteen and stupid for a long time. the heel of your boot comes down on his instep with as much force as you can muster, and when his hold weakens, you drive your elbow back into his nose.

the pirate crumples into a groaning heap at your feet. the Mando lowers his rifle. you make a show of dusting off your hands, because no one has ever accused you of lacking a sense of drama.

it looks like the Mando wants to say something - you can see it in his posture - but he doesn’t, so you fill the silence. “Don’t tell me you were worried, Mando,” you tease. “Like you’d miss me bouncing around the Crest’s cargo hold making a mess every time we go somewhere. You just love having me around.” 

you’re not expecting him to reply, so you take the binders off your belt and bend to cuff the pirate. when you straighten, the Mando is right next to you.

“Yes,” he says. “I was worried. Yes, I would miss you. Yes. I love you.”

for once, you’re speechless, so you just watch your smile grow in the reflection of his visor. then you lean just a little bit forward, closing the gap and pressing your forehead to his.

(and then the pirate at your feet snickers, and you kick him in the ribs.)

Ezra:

taking this job has been one of your worst decisions to date. and of course, you did it because Ezra talked you into it.

“An absolutely unprecedented adventure, little bird!” he’d said. “A moon still molten from the fires of creation, spitting up gems like a baby with a colic? The harvest will be unparalleled; with the right gear, we will stroll through the lava fields collecting Niobe’s roses as easily as if we were berry-picking.”

it is, of course, not that easy.

calling the Red Moon molten is not an affectation; its broken crust oozes lava like a slow-clotting cut. you’re here for rhodoniobium, beautiful silver blooms that appear on the surface of the lava flows. it isn’t difficult to use the nets and poles to retrieve Niobe’s roses. what’s hard is staying alive while you do it. miners die in ugly ways every single day, and they’re rarely mourned.

liquid water is a thing of fantasy down here, for the most part, and everyone is forced to return to the base camp at Kīpuka when they run out. that’s where the two or you are headed when you get separated.

you’ve been examining plutonic rock formations since you arrived, looking for evidence of pegmatite mineral inclusions: rubies, sapphires, emeralds and other beryl gems. sure, they don’t sell for as much as Niobe’s roses, but you’ve never been able to resist sparklies. 

Ezra usually indulges you, but in this case, he’s been looking forward to a bath for two weeks. so when you stop to chip a sample from a smooth dome of granite, he keeps walking. you don’t think anything of it, figuring you’ll catch up to him, until a sharp “Shit!” comes through over the comm.

“Are you all right?” you ask, quickly starting to pack up your tools.

“Hardly the finest way to introduce oneself, taking pot-shots at innocent passersby,” Ezra says, his voice fuzzy with distance. “If you have had your entertainment, I would be much gratified to be permitted to pass.”

you abandon your tools and set out after him at a run as a much younger man says “This is our gorge, and if you want to pass through to Kīpuka, then you’re going to have to pay our toll.”

“I am always enthusiastic to participate in the civil preservation of infrastructure, have no doubt,” Ezra assures the men who you suspect are holding him under rails. “My partner is a ways behind, and she is carrying our meager pickings. You’ll allow me to contact her and request her presence?”

a grunt of agreement, and a short pause, before Ezra’s voice comes through more clearly on your private channel. “May I assume you’ve been listening, little bird?”

“Yeah,” you pant. your lungs are starting to burn, and you’d be tempted to throw off your heavy insulating gear if you didn’t know that the average air temperature around here is high enough to bake bread. “How many?”

“Four. Alas, more than I feel confident dispatching alone.”

“Almost there. I’ll come in over the ridge. Be ready to draw.”

“I always am.” there’s a pause, and at first you think he’s finished. then your comm crackles again. “If this goes wrong, little bird-”

“Don’t,” you say, because it feels like bad luck.

“I love you. Most ardently. If I die here, then I die happy to have known you.”

the only thing you can say is “Damn it, Ezra.” because you can’t wipe the tears from your eyes, and that’s going to make shooting these bastards just that little bit more difficult. he laughs softly, and clicks back to the public channel.

Ezra chats away with the bandits, distracting them with that awful anecdote about the channelrats while you close the last small distance to the ridge above the gorge. you crawl to the edge, thrower rifle cradled in your arms, and take a sniper’s position.

“I’m almost there,” you say over the public channel. “Is everything all right?”

“Of course, little bird.” You can’t see Ezra’s smile, but you can hear it in his voice. He’s ready.

it goes very quickly, as most gunfights do: you push a stone over the edge to start a small rockslide, the bandits turn toward the noise, and you shoot the two men lounging in the shade while Ezra shoots the two standing in front of him.

“Ezra? You know what?” you ask once the bodies have hit the ground.

“What?”

“In spite of the fact that you have damned awful timing, I love you, too.”

Javi:

as Javier yells at you, you wonder idly if Murphy can hear you upstairs. “You could’ve been killed!”

“Just because you couldn’t have made it out of there, doesn’t mean I couldn’t!”

“And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” he hisses, stepping closer.

you shove him back. “It mean you strut around Colombia flashing your badge and shooting sicarios like that’s what you get paid for! You’ve got Kiki Camarena keeping you safe. You know what I’ve got? A fucking press pass! If my cover’s blown, I get auctioned to the highest bidder and tortured to death!”

“Which is exactly why you should know better than to go sniffing around Escobar’s planes!”

“I don’t tell you how to do your goddamned job, Javi! Don’t you try and tell me how to do mine!”

Javi snarls and digs the packet of cigarettes out of his breast pocket, tossing it carelessly on the couch once he extracts one.

“You’re upset because I could’ve died?” you ask derisively as he lights his cigarette. “Let me tell you something. You, breaking in guns drawn because you think you’re rescuing me, are a lot more likely to get me killed than any mistake I could make.”

“Shut up,” he growls. he won’t look at you as you move closer.

“What is your problem? If this is still about those papers on the guerrillas-”

he shakes his head and turns away. you fucking hate it when he does this, pulling away from an argument rather than just fighting it through to the end.

“Then what?” you demand. if he’s going to disengage, then maybe you need to hit the right buttons to make him change his mind. “Don’t tell me you’re pissed off because you’ve finally realized I really am a better operator than you-”

“Because I love you!”

Javi’s outburst startles you, and you take a step back without thinking about it. he sighs, the tense lines of his shoulders going lax, and turns to face you again.

“Because I love you,” he says more softly. “Because I don’t know what to do without you any more, and that scares me more than any narco son of a bitch. Because I can’t even imagine what I would do if you were killed. Just the thought makes me feel sick.”

“Javi…” you whisper.

he shakes his head to stop you. “You want to know why, every time you come here, I ask you how your articles are doing? It’s because I have this-” he huffs out a helpless laugh. “- idiotic, ridiculous fantasy that one day, you’ll do so well that you’ll leave the agency and actually be a journalist for a living. And you’ll come and live with me, and I won’t have to wonder if you’re dead every time you go longer than a week between calling me.”

“Javi,” you say again. when you take the cigarette from his loose grasp to put it down in the ashtray, he raises his hand to rub his knuckles against his eyes. “You’re right. Part of your fantasy is ridiculous.”

“Only part, huh?” he doesn’t quite manage to make his sarcastic smile look sincere.

“Yeah. The part where you don’t seem to realize that all you have to do is ask.” you cup the strong angle of his jaw and lean in, almost nose to nose. “All you have to do is ask.”

“Why would you want to stay with me?” he asks. “I’m an asshole. I work too much. I’d just make you sick of me.”

“Because I love you,” you say, and kiss him.

[museumofinefarts]

Worst to best Star Wars Movie

IMHO

Rise of the Skywalkers

I refuse to see it. When you have written yourself so much in a corner that your only way forward is bringing back old nemesis and invalidating the end of the original trilogy - maybe quit your writing job.

Phantom Menace

Yeah yeah, beating the dead horse. But honestly, it is bad. The stakes are trivial at best, the big bad Darth Maul has zero buildup or backstory before he gets killed of, but we got 20 min pod racing instead, Jar Jar Bings, Darth Vader built C3P0, midichlorians...this movie is a mess.

The Last Jedi

All of the big set pieces are recycled. Fighting on a white planet against First Order troops? That was Empire. Battle in the throne room while the rebel fleet gets blown to pieces? Return of the Jedi. Then there is the Guardians of the Galaxy-style humor, that clashes with everything. Smoke dies without any fanfare (come to think of it, in the same way as Darth Maul does - cut at the waist). And my pet peeve is the hyperdrive-attack of general McPinkhair. If you can build a weapon that devastating with just using common technology - why does anybody need a death star? Just strap some hyperdrive engines on a rock and save the imperial taxpayer trillions of credits. But I will point out what I liked. I liked Leas use of the force. Kylo Ren continues to be my favorite bad guy. And I liked the casino planet, even though it felt like a fukkin side quest. Like when you are in a game in a burning castle and you get the mission to immediately get a bucket of water, so you stroll out of the fire, two towns over to the bucket maker, he says ‘yes, but first get me 10 ears of the earless trolls’ so you grind troll ears for an hour, maybe collect some rare crafting materials along the way, all the time your original quest giver is standing in their burning castle waiting patiently on your return.

What was I talking about again?

The Force Awakens

The Characters felt so fresh. A humanized Stormtrooper, mystery, Kylo Ren. But yeah, the plot is almost a carbon copy of A New Hope, just BIGGER death star this time.

And let me tell you how much I love Kilo Ren. That angsty, incel edge lord bitch, trying so hard to be like grandpa Vader. Trowing temper tantrums and having a rage problem. Truly, a villain for the 21st century.

Attack of the Clones

While the sequels got worse with every installment, the prequels actually got better. Attack has still the romance between Anakin and Padme, worked in smooth like a barrel of gravel. But it gets better. And the Memes are great.

Revenge of the Sith

Still has a bad case of ‘remember this?’. There was no need for Chewbacca to make an appearance. Bloated at places. But overall it is the best of the  prequels and still entertaining to watch today.

A New Hope 

It looks its age now. That movie will turn 45 soon and you can tell. Still, the prequels somehow look more dated. Actually, this movie is brought down for me by being constantly ripped of by later Star Wars content.

Return of the Jedi

A great, satisfying end to the original trilogy. Slave Lea might have awoken my sexuality (dont @ me). 

The Empire strikes Back

Maybe the Star Wars movie that added the most new content? Only movie to never set foot on Tatooine or another desert planet. I would love to see more of the cloud city, actually.

Solo

I...did not expect to love this movie that much? An incredible interesting backstory for Han, Chewie and the Millennium Falcon. Seriously, for a movie that establishes a backstory, most of the ‘member this? member this?’ is pretty subdued. If this was shot in the prequel-era they would have revealed that Chewbacca actually build R2D2 or was Uncle Owens weed man or whatever. Loved Lando, loved a new villainous organization and loved the sequel-hook/big reveal at the end. I am a bit sad that it will probably never get a sequel.

Rouge One

It is great. The mood, an explanation for Hopes big thingamajig, morally gray characters. A true sense of the Empires jackboot over the galaxy. A villain that is not a scheming mastermind but a bureaucrat of evil. The tragic ending. This is a great movie.

[oureuphoria]

Worst of You - JJK 02

You meet him under horrible circumstances but that doesn’t stop you from developing a very abnormal and completely unsolicited crush on your local hot police officer™. Too bad you have a bitch of a best friend, anxiety and an inability to learn from your mistakes which cripples your chances to be with the man of your literal dreams. Oh, and he has a lifetime’s worth of emotional baggage at 23.

Or

“I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong.” “Cool, I’ll let everyone know that you’re moving in then.”

Genre: fluff, angst, comedy

Pairing: officer!jungkook X collegestudent!reader

Word count: 2,083

Note: I am actually not American so if I depict the American school system, police system or any system incorrectly then I am really sorry!

| 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 |

You awaken from your not-so-graceful sleep only to see that it was 1:50pm and you had overslept. Oversleeping was very a common thing for you because you often forgot to set your alarms. You’ve trained your body to wake up at specific times from your unchanging routine which is why you were awake, minutes before your meeting with the goddamn Officer and very much not ready. You rushed out of bed with so much force that your self-induced blanket burrito rolled out onto the floor where you laid limply, regretting the brute force you had gotten up with. However, you didn’t learn anything from your mistake and continued with that same force towards the bathroom only to hit your bathroom door square in the face. 

You made it on time, looking somewhat presentable (you tried your best in the compressed time limit). Alex offered you a ride which helped unbelievably because you were incredibly late. You speed-walked to the front counter wand asked the secretary where to go. She looks at you plainly and before replying with much annoyance. “Officer Jeon instructed me to refer a message to you. The perpetrator confessed to the crime late last night and the case has been closed, we will no longer been needing your time.” Oh. Your heart began to sting a little at the realisation that you will never see the officer again but the realisation that you were free overpowered the pain. You smiled while walking towards the door but your happiness was short-lived. You spotted the attacker, hand-cuffed. You locked eyes for the second time although they seemed a lot less manic. 

He didn’t recognise you, that was clear enough but you knew you’d never be able to forget him and that thought scared you. Enough so to leave you frozen in the middle of the station. You stood there for what felt like an eternity before an officer shook your shoulder. “Are you okay?” You didn’t really look at her before nodding, a smile on your face as you thanked her a sped out of the building. You walked back to your dorm with only one thought on your mind. 

_______________________________________________

Morning classes were a bore and you often found yourself reciting the entire script of a movie instead of writing notes. You looked concentrated and teachers never noticed so it never really harmed anyone, except your GPA of course. It had been just over 2 weeks since you became the hottest news on campus and it blew over quite quickly. The buzz was bound to return though because the student who was attacked, William, was set to return to school that day. 

You were fired from your job at the store (because apparently hiring college students was problematic) which meant you had to spend your weekend tutoring privileged high schoolers instead. It was a Tuesday and you were at lunch when William approached you with a light tap on your shoulder, you removed your earphones from your ear and turned to face him but the moment your eyes landed on his face you could feel your lunch creeping back up. 

You were too scared to approach him yourself so you left a get-well-soon card and a teddy bear for him at the hospital which you assumed was why he was there. “I just wanted to thank you for that night, who knows what would’ve happened if you didn’t call the police when you did.” You smiled but it was half-hearted. Your mind was filled with a quiet chant of ‘it should’ve been me’ every time you saw his face. “Honestly, it’s fine, I’m glad you’re okay.” You awkwardly gestured a thumbs up which was meant to be reassuring before you put your earphone back in and went back to your sandwich. Trying to shut up before you embarrassed yourself further ended quickly when he tapped your shoulder lightly again. 

“I’m sorry to bother you again but I was kind of wondering, did you know him? You know the student who…” “No, sorry I didn’t.” You answered quickly because you wanted the conversation to be over as soon as possible but you might’ve come off as rude. You noticed a glint sadness in his eye, a need for closure, a need to know he did nothing wrong. “I don’t think he had a motive for doing what he did to you though. From what I know, you’re a nice guy, I mean your hospital room had flowers everywhere.” He chuckled a little before furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. 

“You visited?” It was just then that you remembered that you had forgotten to sign the card. “Oh! Yes, I left a bear there it was pink, kind of ugly but it was the best thing the gift shop had. It was either that or a Giraffe that said ‘it’s a boy!’” You were rambling, you knew that much but you couldn’t stop yourself if you tried. “Thank you, for everything…” “Y/N.” “Right, Y/N. Maybe we can get coffee sometime or something?” You gulped while in deep thought, you weren’t sure if you could ever make it up to him but you were willing to try. “Sure!”

Once he left, you stared back at your deflated peanut butter sandwich before poking at the stale bread. “Ah, fuck it.” You threw away your crusty sandwich and walked to the nearby cafe which you often avoided like the plague during lunch hours because it was bustling with students. That day was an exception, you needed carbs and you needed them stat. You walked into the cafe, ready to order cheesy fries when you saw him. Officer Jeon. You cursed under your breath and allowed yourself to stare a little. You knew officers often came here since it was around the station but you had never seen him there. 

You were waiting in line while he sat down with 2 of his co-workers. You watched them pick up the menus and discuss what they wanted to eat. You were invested in staring until a loud voice startled you. “Next waiting.” That was your cue and you almost missed it staring at the Officer with obvious heart eyes. You held the little table number concoction in your hand as you made your way to sit in the far corner seat where you always sat. But you didn’t go as unnoticed as usual. The incident was still fresh news for the a few students even though it had been 2 weeks. Some students thought you were a hero while others remain confused because “does she even go here?” But the majority never really cared about you but stared anyway because that was the way society worked. You sat and slowly retracted into a small ball of dismal anxiety while you waited for your cheesy fries to arrive. 

“Hey isn’t that the awkward kid that you questioned, Jeon?” The officer parallel to him asks loudly, clearly pointing at you which made you retract into the corner even further. “Oh yeah I saw her at the station, poor thing she looked so helpless.” To make matters worse, the woman next to him was the one who checked on you at the station. To top off the embarrassment, Officer Jeon turned around to look at you right when you accidentally smashed your toe on the edge of the table while trying to grab your bag. You winced and chanted “ow, ow, ow, ow,” until you abruptly stopped after realising you were being watched by 3 amused officers. 

You managed a small smile and a wave before you grabbed your laptop from your bag and tried to distract yourself from the major discomfort you had endured. Everything went well for a collective amount of 37 seconds before the man you found intimidatingly attractive sat on the seat opposite yours. You peeked over your laptop a little because for some reason you believed that if you couldn’t see him, he couldn’t see you. However, his tall physique allowed him to clearly see you crouched behind the laptop screen. “Hey.” You feigned a smile and pretended to not be completely disturbed by his presence. “Hi.” You squeaked back before internally slapping yourself for sounding so timid but unfortunately your handbook on social interactions seemed to lack a chapter that covered ‘how to talk to attractive police officers who you are low key crushing on but can never be with for longer than 2 seconds without combusting into a nervous mess’. 

“How’s everything going? I heard you visited the station looking a little scared.” You chuckled nervously, your laugh becoming slower and slower before dissipating into an awkward silence. “You see, that wasn’t me that was just someone who happened to look a lot like me. You know, me and my common face.” These were moments you wished you could forget because your communication skills were frankly astonishing. However, instead of worrying over your inability to make small talk, he laughed. Officer Jeon laughed at something you said and it was super fucking cute. 

“You know Y/N, you’re really…unique?” You held back a snort as you laughed under your breath. “You seem so shy and timid but you looked like you were going to bite my head off at the station.” You started violently chugging your water down, this time for far too long because you didn’t want to reply. “Well, you see I was very…dehydrated? And you know what dehydration can do to someone.” You were never a very good liar which proved to be an important skill in times like such. 

He curved his eyebrow at you questioningly but didn’t care to press further, soon after the waiter came with your cheesy fires. You thought it would be rude to eat in front of him so you just stared at the bowl quietly. “Aren’t you going to eat?” “Yeah I was just waiting for it to cool down.” You awkwardly crouched to slowly blow on your cheesy fries which just made him stare at you amusingly. “You’re a weird kid, Y/N. I’ll get going now, it was nice catching up.” You nodded before William crossed your mind. You lunged forward to tug on his sleeve to stop him from leaving. “Wait, do you think you could um, tell me what happened with the case?” “Meet me here tomorrow at 5 and I’ll tell you what I can.” And with that, he left. 

“And thEN HE LEAVES, HE JUST LEAVES ALEX, DOESN’T EVEN GIVE ME HIS NUMBER, OR EVEN HIS FIRST NAME?!?” You angrily protested to your friend who was more interested in her phone than the conversation. “Hey, Alex, are you even listening?” Your question fell on unhearing ears so you yelled again to catch her attention. “Alex!” “What?” She replied, a little annoyed but she didn’t push further at the sight of your glare. “I’m sure he was just leaving then because he had to, you know, special police business or something. I bet he’s into you, you’re adorable.” She ruffled the top of your head and you smiled bitterly. Compliments from Alex were normally out of pity and she had a lot to pity you for. She was prettier than you, nicer than you and uncannily good at socialising. This generally meant that whatever boy you were into, was into her. 

“Is he really that cute? I need to meet him.” “No! I mean, I don’t even know his name, it’s not important. Don’t waste your time.” Your abrupt exclamation made you feel a little guilty. You’d never voiced your insecurities with Alex and yet you held her completely accountable which was entirely unfair. “Oh, alright. So, what movie are we watching tonight?” Her attention was trained on her phone again as she asked the question. She looked up at you suddenly with pleading eyes and you knew exactly what she wanted. “Just go.” You waved her off with your hand and she didn’t hesitate before leaving you to go to her room. You allowed yourself to melt into the couch as you moped over spending another Friday night alone again. “Wait, Alex! Can I come with you?”

[ladyfogg]

Cold is the Night - 10/20

Cold is the Night - 10/20

Fic Summary: You and Pat have known each other for years but this summer, everything will change. As the two of you start to grow close, your matching tempers threaten the foundation of your rocky friendship and prevent both of you from realizing your true feelings. Cold is the Night Masterpost. 

A/N: You guys have been so amazing, I am blown away by your messages and responses. I can’t believe how quickly this has taken off! I love this story and it makes me all warm and fuzzy that you guys seem to love it too.

Fic Song: Cold is the Night by The Oh Hellos. Fic playlist can be found here. 

Pairing: Pat Murray/Female Reader

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: Language, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut, Multiple Chapters

Gif by @joemazzellos-blog

By some miracle, you didn't get fired. Mostly your boss wanted to make sure you were okay and to ask for the complete story so he could write up a report for the managers. Drunk Guy wasn’t allowed anywhere near the bar and he was determined to let the others know why. 

You were still furious with Vinnie and Pat. You had had the situation under control until they jumped in and made everything worse. 

Vinnie stepping in was understandable. He was your big brother and though you and he fought constantly, he would be damned if someone else tried anything. 

You were more bothered by Pat stepping in than you thought you would be. Part of it definitely had to do with possibly losing your job. But it was much more than that. At least it felt like it was. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it and you didn’t want to get into a discussion with Pat until you could fully explain your feelings. 

So, you did what you always do. You turned your phone off and gave yourself time to fume.

When you turned your phone on Monday morning, you had several missed calls and texts from him. But they didn’t keep coming, and you weren’t sure if you were happy or bummed about it. You distracted yourself with work and arranging your house. It helped. Somewhat. 

On the day of the game, you couldn't bring yourself to go. You wanted to, badly, but you were worried about getting into another fight with Pat. Or worse, seeing him and instantly forgiving him. You had done that in the past before and it always came back to bite you in the ass. 

"Nellie, it's all a fucking mess."

You were currently slumped over your kitchen table as Nellie cleaned the coffee mugs you two had just used. It was the day after the game and while you wanted to talk to Pat more than anything, you still couldn’t figure out your feelings.

"Yes, yes it is," Nellie said. "You want to know how to fix it?"

"Yes, please tell me."

"Fucking call him."

“You know I can’t do that. Not yet.”

“Why not?”

You sighed heavily and sat back in your chair. “Because I honestly don’t know what to tell him. Every time I think about it, my anxiety goes through the roof and my mind goes blank. Also, what if he doesn't want to hear from me?"

"He does."

"How do you know? I was pretty bitchy to him."

"He’s crazy about you, he’ll understand. Besides, he’s been more than bitchy to you on numerous occasions.”

You were torn. One part of you told you to hold strong to your feelings, another said to let them go and just forgive him. The latter part of you came from years of keeping your emotions bottled up and you were working on telling that part to fuck off. Your emotions were valid, no matter how confusing they were. 

“He's going to want to know why I reacted the way I did. How can I explain it?" you asked.

"Just be honest," Nellie said. "You were right to be pissed that he picked a fight at your job."

"It's more than that though," you said. "When he threw that punch, I just had a flashback of my ex doing the same thing."

"Pat's not your ex. And if he says it wasn't jealousy, then you should listen to him."

"My ex said the same thing too."

Nellie sighed your name. "Don't blame Pat for the past actions of someone else."

“That’s easier said than done. I can’t just undo years of emotional abuse.”

“And I’m not asking you to. No one is. But you can’t approach Pat like he’s your ex. He doesn’t deserve that. He’s his own person, this is a completely different situation. You have to try to remind yourself of that. I’m not saying to up and forgive him. I’m just telling you to talk it out.”

She was right. Pat had reacted instinctively. He had no idea what you had been through. How could he? You hadn't told him. 

But what if you did tell him and he didn't understand? What if he thought you were too much work and decided he wasn't up to dealing with your baggage? 

While talking it out seemed like the most logical step, anxiety didn’t play nice with logic. It took your worst fears and convinced you they were the truth, no matter how hard you tried to remind yourself they weren't. 

Just then, a knock came at the door. Confused, you went to answer it only to find a delivery woman holding a large bouquet of flowers. She said your name in confirmation before she handed them over.

"These are for you."

Stunned, you took the bouquet, your heart racing. “Um, I didn’t order any flowers.”

“Someone ordered them for you,” she smiled. “He was pretty insistent they be delivered today.”

He.

Pat.

It had to be. He was the only one to ever give you flowers. 

Burying your nose in the rose petals, you inhaled their scent with a smile. “I’m sure he was.”

“Where should I put the others?”

“The what now?”

Ten minutes later she left and you found yourself in the living room, every surface covered in various flower arrangements. They were a rainbow of colors, all bright and fresh as if they had just been cut that morning.

In the largest bouquet, you found a small card written in untidy handwriting. All it said was: I’m ready to talk when you are.

Nellie came in from the kitchen just as you set the card down. “Vinnie just called, he’s--holy shit! Who died? Oh my god, did one of us die?”

You laughed, face flushed. “No one died. They’re from Pat.”

Nellie gave you a smug smile and crossed her arms. “I told you he’s crazy about you.”

“Apparently so.”

She plucked a flower for herself, tucking it behind her ear. “I was going to ask if you wanted to come with Vinnie and me to dinner but I think you have a phone call to make.”

“Yes, yes I do.”

"What are you going to say?"

"I have no fucking idea."

Nellie left a short while later, but it still took you some time to work up the nerve to grab your phone. Even when you did, you quickly put it back down. You admired the flowers, realizing Pat must have ordered every arrangement they had. While it was overkill, it was incredibly sweet. And very Pat.

You glanced down at the sweatshirt you were wearing, the one he had left the day after your party. You had worn it every time you were home. At first it was because it smelled like him, even after you had washed it. Once that faded, you kept wearing it because it reminded you of him.

Finally, unable to stand it any longer, you took a deep breath, picked up the phone, and called him. 

It only rang once before he answered breathlessly. “Hello?”

Just the sound of his voice made your heart skip a beat. You swallowed thickly before answering. “Hey, Murray."

He paused, almost as if it took him a moment to register it was actually you on the other line. "You called."

"I just got your little presents.”

“Do you like them? I didn’t know what kind of flowers you liked so I just got them all.”

“Uh, yeah, I can see that.”

There was a beat of awkward silence before he spoke up. “I’m really glad you reached out,” he said, sounding relieved. “I thought you wouldn’t.”

“I’m sorry for ignoring you. I just...I needed to work some stuff out.”

“Are you home? Can I come over? I want to see you.”

“I want to see you too,” you said. “But, we shouldn’t right now. I still need some space.”

“Oh...okay. Of course. Whatever you need.” Pat sounded like he was trying to come across as understanding but you could tell he was hurting just as bad as you were.

It brought tears to your eyes and you squeezed them shut, trying to will them away. The last thing you wanted was to hurt him.

Hearing his voice was so much worse than you thought it would be. How had this happened? How had Pat Murray become so important to you that just hearing him made your heart try to leap out of your chest?

Pat said your name when you didn’t respond for a while. “Are you still there?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m here, sorry,” you said, clearing your throat. 

“We don’t need to talk right now if you aren’t up for it,” Pat said. “I don’t mind staying on the line. I’ve got nowhere else to be.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle. “You just want to sit in silence on the phone with me?” 

"Yes."

"Why?"

“Because at least I know you’re there.”

“Murray, why do you have to say such cute shit when I’m being emotional? How dare you?”

“I’m terribly sorry,” he teased. “Let me fix it.” He cleared his throat before speaking in a forced, nonchalant voice. “It’s whatever, babe. I mean, you can just call me later. It’s cool.”

“Ugh, never talk like that again. You sound like Barone."

Pat chuckled, speaking regularly. “Noted. I wanted to punch myself if that makes you feel better.”

“A little.”

Silence followed again, this time more comfortable than before. You absentmindedly played with one of the roses, thinking of how the softness of the petal reminded you of Pat’s lips. 

“For what it's worth, I really am sorry,” Pat said in a soft voice. “I didn’t mean to get you in trouble.”

“I know you didn’t, Pat. Besides, I didn’t actually get in trouble. So it’s okay.”

“No, not it’s not okay,” he said. “People are always telling me to get a grip on my anger and I don’t care if it affects me personally, but I care if my anger affects you.”

In that moment, you realized how incredibly different Pat was from anyone you had ever been with before. His consideration in the face of his own shitty behavior made you want to take stock of yourself and make sure you also owned up to your actions. 

“Thank you. It means a lot to me to hear you say that.”

“You’re welcome.”

More silence.

"So…" You didn't know what to say but you felt like you should say something. "How was the game?"

"Ugh, fucking miserable."

"I'm sorry. Did you guys lose?"

"No. We won."

"Then why was it miserable?"

Pat didn't answer right away. When he did, his voice was quiet. "I was distracted."

Well shit.

"I'm sorry, Pat. I didn't mean to…"

"Don't. It's not your fault," Pat interrupted, stopping you from blaming yourself. "If I was better at baseball I wouldn't get distracted so easily."

"Don't do that. Don't put yourself down. You know I hate when you do."

"I can't help it."

"Well try. For me."

"For you? Anything."

You smiled, hugging your knees to your chest. You happened to look at the clock and sighed when you caught sight of the time. “I need to get ready for work,” you said sadly. “I should probably hang up now.”

“Can we...are you comfortable texting me again? I miss talking to you.”

You almost said no, but you knew deep down it wasn’t what you wanted. You missed talking to him too much. “Yeah. We can text again.”

“Cool...great.” You could hear him smiling. “Have a good night at work.”

“I’ll try.”

When you hung up, you felt much better. There was still a lot you needed to figure out on your own, but knowing Pat would be there waiting made all the difference. 

[alyblacklist]

New theory flying around that Katarina is an imposter like our Red, the real Katarina is dead... what do you think Aly?

New? I’m not sure that it’s all that “new.”  This “Fakerina” or “Fauxrina” theory started mere days after Rassvet aired last April, pretty much as soon as the first spoilers leaked of Laila Robins’ scene on the street with Red in the S6 finale.  (The point at which I commented to a fandom friend that old theories die hard and that apparently theories will need to be pried from people’s hands).  It seems most popular among those who either don’t accept the Red imposter reveal (i.e., those who still believe that Red is original Raymond Reddington, Navy officer and biological father of Liz, and that the bones in the bag were someone else) or those who continue to insist that our Red is himself Katarina.  So I guess it’s no surprise, given that I don’t fall into either of those camps (which I’ll lump together as the Red is bio-parental camp), that I also don’t think that this woman is an imposter Katarina.  Are there a few facts that raise some questions?  Sure.  But not enough at this point to cause me to change my view that Laila Robins’ character is the real deal — Dom’s daughter, Liz’s mother, the present-day version of Lotte Verbeek’s Katarina Rostova — who has clearly been through a LOT since the events of Rassvet.  And who as far as I am concerned is the ONLY living bio-parent Liz has to date on this show.  

Why do I think she’s real?  Primarily because this Katarina still shares an emotional connection with Red that is consistent with two people who once shared a deep emotional bond (like Katarina/Ilya in Rassvet, for example).  I thought Laila Robins did an absolutely amazing job conveying that in her scene with Red in 7.02, which I’ve partially giffed here.  She is very conflicted about hurting him, but at the same time she feels deeply betrayed by him, and as we later learn, apparently by her own father as well.  At the same time, Red admits he cares about her and never meant for whatever happened in Belgrade to happen.  He also clearly knows exactly who she is, both on the street in Paris in 6.22 and when he brought up the Belgrade incident in 7.02.  To me, this emotional connection between them is entirely inconsistent with the “Fakerina” view that this woman is some other woman who either shared a fictitious Katarina Rostova identity with Liz’s real mother in the past (as some sort of operative) or was hired to impersonate/draw attention away from the real Katarina following her flight after the fire. By contrast, the emotional conflict between this Katarina and our Red is completely consistent with the clues we have been given for seasons now that something else happened after the night of the fire (and after the events of Rassvet) that hurt Katarina and that our Red either orchestrated or was at least involved in:

For example:

- the conversation between Red and his hallucinated Katarina in 3.19:

Red: It was a Hobson’s choice. There was a woman and her child. Both were doomed. Both would die. I could either save one or lose both. I chose the child. It was… it was the worst thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. Worst thing by far.

Katarina: You didn’t have a choice.

Red: There’s always a choice.  I was arrogant.  I presumed that there was an order to things, that there was… that if I nourished and protected and taught the child, she would be safe…and happy.

Katarina:  And she was neither.

- Red’s conversations with Dom in 3.20:

Dom: Then what are you doing out here? These boxes are all I have… all I have left of my daughter.

Red: I’m sorry, Dom. I understand.

Dom: No, you don’t. You don’t understand. You think because Masha’s dead, now you… you can understand me? You can… you can share my misery?

Red: I feel bereft, just like you.

Dom: No, not just like me. She’s gone because of choices you made for both of them. First Katarina and then Masha. As far as I’m concerned, you killed my entire family! No, you’re not like me.

- And later:

Red: You still have family.

Dom: Who? The baby? I won’t live long enough to see her out of nappies. If I’m allowed to see her at all. I had to make do with photographs of Masha. Did you even tell her about me?

Red: I couldn’t. You know how complicated it was.

Dom: There was nothing complicated about it. We had to back out of Masha’s life to keep her safe, after you made a colossal mess of everything. Only you couldn’t stay well enough away, could you? Now you… you come to my house with this sorry tale of loss, like you’re the only one affected by this. You’re the only one whose feelings matter. Well, guess what, Raymond? Masha was my granddaughter, and now she’s dead without even knowing I existed. All my sacrifices shot to hell. I could’ve spent the last 30 years just being her grandfather… You selfish prick.

- And Dembe’s words to Red in 4.22:

Raymond I’m not sure Elizabeth will ever be ready to learn about what you did to Katarina.  

Second, while Bokenkamp hedged a little on admitting outright that this woman is the real Katarina Rostova when he was asked that question directly last spring, I think both his comments and Eisendrath’s this season land on the side of Katarina being real.  I know some people place little stock in the Jo(h)ns interviews (and some even go so far as to outright bury their heads in the sand and believe nothing they say about the bones or anything else).  Do they use double speak and hidden nuance?  Sure, sometimes.  But in my book they have never outright lied to the audience and I don’t think they’re about to start now.  From where I sit, all signs point to Katarina being real, and precisely the sort of formidable “big bad” that only a real Katarina —not a fake one — could provide for this season.  

For example, to TV Guide: 

“She is going to be the main antagonist this year,” said executive producer John Eisendrath "And what’s exciting is that that, I think, makes good on the promise that’s sort of been baked into the series from the beginning, that at some point Liz would be part of a triangle between herself and Katarina and Reddington. It becomes the family drama that sort of has always been foreshadowed.”  

To AM New York:

“His life is in real danger. This situation is as bad as it has ever been for him,” executive producer John Eisendrath teases. “Katarina is as worthy an adversary as we’ve ever seen him go up against. Or, perhaps, a more worthy adversary. She is someone we built up over this entire series and here she is, this notorious former spy.”

Like Reddington, Katarina’s full and true identity isn’t known to all of “The Blacklist’s” key players, and Eisendrath says that’ll be a theme present throughout the season.

“Our hope is that season 7 will make good on the promise that we would at some point dive headlong into the family drama and triangle between Liz, Katarina and Red,” he says. “That is essentially the core emotional story through the season.”

To Parade:

“The goal of season 7 is to dramatize the battle between Katarina and Red, to raise the question of who is going to win that battle, and to put Liz squarely in the middle between Katarina and Red,” executive producer John Eisendrath told Parade.com in this exclusive interview. 

It wasn’t that long ago that Liz had come to terms with Red. Her attitude toward him had mellowed, and now, going into season 7, she thinks she might lose him.

“The arrival of Katarina Rostova is going to make season 7 the kind of family drama that will put Liz in between her parental figures and force her to decide who to trust more, Katarina or Red,” Eisendrath continues. “And so even though she comes into the season feeling pretty good about Red, Katarina is going to do her level best to raise the question of whether Liz can trust Reddington.”

To Entertainment Weekly:

“Katarina is a character we’ve heard about for a number of years now. However, until this point she’s been a specter,” [Jon Bokenkamp] told us. “Katarina’s arrival now introduces a whole new set of very real problems for Reddington, most specifically because this is a woman with a deep, intimate and very personal understanding of Reddington. Her knowledge of Reddington and the truths he’s holding presents a very tangible threat to Red, and places him in an incredibly vulnerable place, not only in the criminal community, but with Liz. In terms of how Katarina’s arrival impacts Liz and Red, hang tight — this could be a bumpy ride.

Also to Entertainment Weekly:

EW:  How does Agnes being back with Liz figure into this season’s story

JB:  The table is set for a very strange and unusual familial dynamic. You know Katarina is living across the hall. Daughter is reunited with mom, and Reddington isn’t aware of this. I think we’re we are certainly aware of the fact that Agnes is home and it’s a new dynamic for Liz. She’s a working mom who is juggling all the all the jobs that a working mother does, and yet her super-spy mother is living across the hall looking for answers. Well, that could go in any number of strange and unexpected directions. So, yes, I don’t want to say Agnes is in jeopardy, but I think her story line in coming home presents the show with some really unique opportunities.

******

Liz is her access point to Red’s orbit. Katarina living next to Liz and the promise of her inserting herself into Liz’s life is less about Liz becoming a target, although that very well may happen. It’s more about using Liz to try to get information and trying to get answers about Reddington. So Liz, and therefore Agnes, are sort of in the crosshairs. They’re not necessarily her target, but I think we’ve done a nice job of demonstrating just how diabolical this woman is. And on top of that, I think it gives us a lot of really interesting familial territory to cover, and it gives the show a unique way to explore those relationships without being overt about it. 

To TV Insider:  

How worried should we be about Katarina moving in next door to Liz, especially after Liz’s concerns earlier in the episode about bringing Agnes home?

John Eisendrath: Hopefully the audience will be extraordinarily worried for Liz because we’ve spent seven years building up how diabolical Katarina Rostova is and the first two episodes of this year dramatizing the lengths to which she will go to get the information she is looking for, which are extraordinary. She is now sitting right across the hall from Liz and her daughter. It’s a position that we love having on our show, where the fox is definitely in the hen house.

Jon Bokenkamp: It’s a unique situation on the show where the audience is a step ahead of both Liz and Red. They’re in on the secret on who this woman is and what her agenda is, and yet Red and Liz have no knowledge of that yet.

To Variety:

“We’re really positioned with this season to be what is ultimately sort of a small family drama,” creator Jon Bokenkamp says. “The table is set for something that’s really fresh and new for us. We’ve got this father figure of Reddington, we’ve got the former spy and mother, the FBI profiler and daughter and the granddaughter, Agnes. Thanksgiving dinner could be awkward this year.”

************

Variety:  What viewers know of Katarina has largely been told through Red’s eyes, so what kind of a challenge was it bringing that character to life and bridging his fantasy with reality?

JB:  One, trying not to give away everything about her. In presenting who she is, we were trying to keep some sense of mystery. One of the first questions was how do we do that? But the thing we tapped into that is unique about her, and it is a bit odd and the audience can see is different this time around, is that it’s incredibly emotional. She’s not a Big Bad who is looking for money or revenge. Well, she might be looking for some revenge, but her history with Reddington pains her. Hurting him pains her, she doesn’t want to be doing this. There’s an emotional component between her and Red and probably Liz and Dom — there’s this whole weird family dynamic that the table is finally set for. It’s different than what we’ve ever had before with any of the other Big Bads. That was both the challenge and what is the most exciting. The questions, the answers that she wants, all are coming from an incredibly emotional, sometimes desperate, sometimes very ventricle place.

Variety:  Does she have that “mother gene”? By the way she inserts herself into Liz’s life in the cliff-hanger it seems like she will potentially become Agnes’s new nanny?

JB:  Well your intuition is good. The fun for us is for the audience to be one step ahead of both Liz and Red. They know that “Mommie Dearest” is living next door. And with Liz having her daughter now home and potentially needing some help, that might introduce some rather disturbing parental situations for any single mother. It’s a dynamic that we’re going to explore in terms of who Katarina is and who she presents herself to be, sort of the wolf in sheep’s clothing. Keep in mind Liz hasn’t met her mother. She has no idea that this woman is her mother and she has no reason to suspect anything other than she’s the lovely lady next door. What Laila Robins is able to do — the way she plays between this very serious, dangerous woman and this incredibly sweet lady next door is an absolute blast to watch.

I noted before that there are some facts that raise questions - like how did Katarina not know where Dom lived when she supposedly last saw him almost 30 years ago in the rear view mirror of his Wagoneer at a P.O. Box in America?  Well, that P.O. Box is supposedly in Wilmington, New York, upstate New York - very close to the Canadian border (according to episode 6.17 when Ressler visits there).  I’m not sure that’s anywhere near Dom’s house, which certainly seems a good bit closer to Washington DC given the speed with which everyone seems to be able to get there from DC, Annapolis, etc.  And there’s millions of houses between Wilmington, New York and Annapolis, Maryland.  So while I know the Task Force and others seem to move at warp speed in this show, for now, I’m willing to accept that what they stated is true, and that Katarina didn’t know exactly where Dom lived until she followed the tracker in Mila’s neck.  It’s not a huge plot hole to me.  

Likewise, Masha/Katarina’s drawings.  I saw a post (I think on Reddit) saying that the fact that Liz (and perhaps Katarina?) once drew a brown house with a blue door is concrete evidence that Liz must have visited Dom’s current house as a child.  I found the drawing from Katarina’s trunk from the Artax Network (3.20).  I couldn’t find the second one (supposedly Masha’s) from quick skim through Tom Connolly, Braxton and Ivan (the fire memory episodes) though I vaguely (very vaguely) recall that it exists.  Maybe I missed it.   

Regardless, I guess I don’t place much stock or emphasis in props these days, four seasons in to following this show pretty obsessively.  As far as I am concerned, props are there to create atmosphere – the mood and feel of a scene.  No one but the diehard fans will ever look at them again, much less recall them a season later.  (And not even all diehard fans since even I can’t find the supposed twin easily while actively looking). Frankly, as the mother of a daughter who loves to draw - a blue door on a child’s drawing (with purple curtains!) means nothing other than those are the child’s favorite color of the moment for a house.  No house my daughter has ever drawn looked anything like the houses she has lived in or visited during her life.  Nothing about this drawing(s) is enough for me to say aha! - Masha/Liz definitely visited Dom at his current home with the blue door (which btw definitely doesn’t have purple curtains and otherwise looks nothing like the drawing).

Sorry this got so long but I wanted to give what I hope is a thoughtful response to your ask.  I’m really interested to learn what turned Katarina so hard against Red.  I’m also interested to learn whether it’s connected to Braxton’s Belgrade references and to Red’s apparent slip (or was it?) to Ressler in Zarak Mosadek when he referred to him trying to kill him in Belgrade rather than Brussels as we believed from Anslo Garrick.  These are the questions I’m most interested in going forward, not whether Liz’s mother is or isn’t the real deal.  

Thanks for the ask!

[wigwurq]

WIG REVIEW: STRANGER THINGS 3

Stranger Things season 3 is here!!!!! Bust out your 80s nostalgia and demogorgon attitude because I fully don’t remember where we left off but Netflix kind of reminded me in a very extended recap that was definitely too long? Whatever, let’s just discuss the wigs! (AND MUCH MORE).

As with last season (and any season of TV I review) I will be adding each episode to this post and then changing my wig verdict as the season progresses. 

CHAPTER ONE: SUZIE DO YOU COPY?

We begin with two tweens making out and YUCK I really don’t want to live through this! I share this opinion with Sheriff Hopper who has to live through these make out sessions that are scored by 80s soft rock music. Even more insulting: THESE HAIRCUTS. I don’t know at what point these kids are gonna outgrow their bowlcuts but the answer seems to be a resounding: NEVER. Also Elle’s hair has finally grown out! TO THIS?!?!?! What overprocessed curly nightmare is this?! I feel like they were going for a Jennifer Grey situation but if that’s the case, I’ll be needing like 110% more hairspray and like 200% more dancing ability, please.

Anyway, the real news in town is: THERE’S A MALL NOW! It’s called Starcourt which is the most 80s sounding name ever and it is home to SCOOPS AHOY ice cream shoppe where Steve and Uma Thurman/Ethan Hawke’s daughter works. This whole storyline is incredibly Fast Times at Ridgemont High themed but Steve’s hair is still very wonderful. Also he can get all the tweens into the movie theater which is showing Day of the Dead and I get it Stranger Things: YOU ARE MAKING ALL THE 80S MALL REFERENCES. 

Also: Dustin is back from camp! It was a science camp called Camp KNOW where and I am definitely gonna see some assholes in this shirt this summer. Anyway, this storyline was all about Dustin forcing his friends into helping him with a radio tower to talk to his possibly fake girlfriend named Suzie and truly: meh.

Meanwhile: WINONA’S SEASON 3 WIG! I’ve gotta say, this season is the best season of wig for Winona. Sure, it is still very much a mess (as is she after the untimely death of her boyfriend Rudy Reuttiger!) but it’s the best wig she’s had so far so MAZEL!

Elsewhere, the most boring teen couple in America (aka Nancy and Will’s brother whose name I won’t learn) are working at the local newspaper and Nancy’s whole job seems to be fetching hamburgers for an entire room of #MeToo examples. Her hair is business chick 80s which is to say: on brand but I could use about 90% more Working Girl, please. 

And now let’s get to the only storyline I truly cared about: Nancy’s mom Karen Wheeler (aka Carla Buono). Every season, her wig brings the drama and glamour I crave in an 80s-based TV show. The arc of her wig story is truly the story of America - from 70s disco queen to bored early 80s housewife to the wig we see today - 80s mall glamour queen. AND I AM HERE FOR IT. She and the other ladies of the Hawkins Town Pool are unfortunately here for the worst character on this show: BILLY.

UGH BILLY. I will give this show major props for having his entrance to the same music playing when Phoebe Cates gets out of the pool in Fast Times (second Fast Times reference in this episode tho) but it’s a gender reversal I can definitely get behind. HOWEVER BILLY IS THE WORST. Within 2 seconds of his entrance, he fat shames a tweenager and also HAS THE WORST WIG.

Nothing has changed much from last season on this wig front. It is still very much a curly dried out MESS which is very much trying to reference Rob Lowe in St. Elmo’s Fire yet this bish has yet to wail on a saxophone or talk about granny panties so truly: no redeeming qualities here. 

This does not dissuade Carla Buono from falling under the spell of Billy’s terrible wig. To be fair, her husband is a constantly napping Reagan supporter of indeterminate middle age. Anyway, the episode ends with her getting 80s GLAMOUROUS for a latenight rendezvous with Billy at a fleabag hotel. Billy, however, is run off the road by falling/exploding rats (?) and then dragged into a dirty warehouse full of said exploding rats which truly is the fate I wanted for him and his bad rattail so: COSIGN.

CHAPTER TWO: MALL RATS

We begin with Billy in the rat-infested warehouse being very much alive, so already: I’M ANGRY WITH THIS EPISODE. However, Billy and his awful wig have definitely been through the ringer and he’s about to high-tail it out of there when he comes face to face with: HIMSELF?!?! I don’t know what sort of US crossover this is supposed to be...can we get Jordan Peele on the horn about this? Anyway, he drives out of there in his now somehow completely fine car that didn’t work about 5 minutes ago and then stops at the most bizarrely situated telephone booth literally in the middle of nowhere. I thought this might be a Bill & Ted crossover but nope: he just tries to call 911 before all the electricity bails on that plan.

In other telephone news, Mike has been shook to his core by Sheriff Hopper and tells Elle that he can’t see her and makes up some lies about his grandma. Queen on the scene/his mom Karen and her GLAMOROUS PERFECTION WIG are somehow listening in (KAREN!!!!) and she’s concerned about grandma now too. Everyone back at the pool is concerned about Billy/”Billy” (not sure if he’s the real thing or a mole person version or a possessed alien version - probably the latter) and he is straight up RUDE to Karen so definitely: EFF YOU BILLY ALWAYS. There are also a bunch of shots of the back of his nightmare wig that gave me the shivers. Oh, and he fully kidnaps the other lifeguard as a human sacrifice to a demogorgon blob so definitely: EFF YOU BILLY x100000.

This episode also introduced MAYOR CARY ELWES! This is very good casting and this whole storyline seems like an homage to Jaws so: OK! Also Sheriff Hopper asked Winona’s season 3 wig (which is still good!) on a date/nondate which she definitely didn’t attend because she had far more important lessons to learn about magnets and that’s probably the best reason to stand up a dude ever.

Elsewhere, boring couple is investigating some weird rat/fertilizer situation at an old lady’s house and basically I didn’t pay attention to this part because it was boring and it involved exploding rats so: hard pass. Nancy’s hair looked fine. Jonathan’s hair is a mess. The end.

The rest of the episode was devoted to the only kind of rats I like: MALL RATS! Over at Scoops Ahoy, my favorite bromance between Steve and Dustin was rekindled and truly it is a beautiful thing. 

However, Maya Hawke and her language skills (which are romance based, not Russian but whatever!) come into play to translate the Soviet message Dustin intercepted. They somehow translate it (SURE?) and also Maya’s hair is about as 80s as John Travolta’s 70s costumes were in 50s-set Grease. This hair is pure 2019 and you do you Stranger Things. THE DEMOGORGON’S IN THE DETAILS ALWAYS. 

Meanwhile, Mike is BUMMED about having to lie to Elle so he brings Lucas and Will along with him to the mall to...buy something for Elle to erase the lie he told her? The whole time Will kept asking when they could leave and play D&D and the whole time I wanted these boys to not have bowl cuts anymore.

In the most important storyline, Elle teamed up with Max to have a LADIES DAY AT THE MALL AND I WAS HERE FOR IT! Max does not seem like the kind of chick who is into fashion or commercialism but her overriding guidance of finding yourself through consumerism and forsaking any sad feelings about boys is just good TV. Retail therapy is great!

And I’m sorry but there is absolutely no better cinema than an 80s makeover montage to effing MATERIAL GIRL. YES PLEASE.

Elle also used her powers to prank some asshole chicks at the Orange Julius and this whole part of the show felt very Girls Just Want To Have Fun (the movie but I guess also the song) so VERY YES PLEASE.

THEY EVEN TOOK EFFING GLAMOUR SHOTS. CAN YOU EVEN?! THIS IS EVERYTHING! I don’t know who funded this amazing afternoon at the mall since Max’s parents seem like pretty absentee wrong-side-of-the-tracks types and clearly this whole mall fiasco goes against everything Sheriff Hopper stands for but whatever logic: YAY MALL!

In the end, Elle calls out Mike on his lie and DUMPS HIS ASS! GIRL POWER! MALL POWER! ICE CREAM POWER 4EVER!

CHAPTER THREE: THE CASE OF THE MISSING LIFEGUARD

My favorite bromance, Dustin and Steve, are on the hunt for Russians in the mall! This whole plot is ridiculous and wonderful. They think they’re really onto something here (and maybe they are?) and just need to find some guy with blonde hair and a duffle bag (like all Russians!) When they find someone who fits that description, he turns out to be a FABULOUS aerobics instructor and I like what everyone has done here with the gay or European? trope.

Meanwhile, Hopper comes home from being stood up with bottle of Chianti and general sense of hopelessness when everything takes a turn for the GREAT because Elle isn’t making out with Mike - she’s found a great galpal and they’re having a sleepover. Halleluj all over the place! Elle deserves a great galpal and Max is pretty awesome and can ALMOST land an ollie so I say amen. Winona’s season 3 wig (still great!) shows up and explains about magnets and then they go back to the lab and find an actual Russian (not an aerobics instructor!) but then he hightails it out of there with no other explanation other than the fact that he might be the Terminator and/or just a motorcycle enthusiast.

Anyway, Elle and Max have the best sleepover EVER by using Elle’s sensory deprivation skills to spy on the boys and truly this is the What Men Want crossover no one wanted but sure! (PS the answer is Doritos belches and farts UGH BOYS). 

Beyond that, what Will wants is to just play D&D IN THIS GODDAMNED ELEGANT CAPE, OK?! Mike and Lucas go along with it for a bit, but they are just too girl crazy to concentrate on being a nerd for long. Mike yells at Will, “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls” which is interesting phraseology since the internet really wants Will to be gay and only time will tell but honey: the cape eleganza story you’re serving is pretty fabulous, just sayin! (THE DEMOGORGON’S IN THE DETAILS ALWAYS). 

Anyway, after some fun sensory deprivation visions of the guys doing stupid stuff, Elle and Max decide to invent a whole spin-the-bottle inspired game to see what other dudes in Hawkins are up to and dammit if the bottle didn’t land on my wig nemesis BILLY. Elle sees that he’s up to some pretty effed up nonsense involving kidnapping that other lifeguard so they decide to investigate IN THE RAIN.

The rest of the episode is mainly devoted to fabulous 80s raincoat fashion and I WAS HERE FOR IT. Beyond these great raincoat lewks, most of the rest of the cast also rocked some fab 80s raincoats (excepting Will who got soaked destroying his childhood fort and Steve who OF COURSE was wearing a members only jacket but jokes on him bc that rain totally dented his ‘do). 

Anyway, Elle and Max go over to the missing lifeguard’s house and OF COURSE her dad is the #1 asshole that boring couple works with (oh also they did more boring investigating which resulted in an old lady eating fertilizer. Meh). But shocker: BILLY AND HIS AWFUL WIG WERE THERE TOO.

LOOK AT THE SIDE OF THIS DAMN WIG. Truly, this wig IS the demogorgon of this season.

Anyway, double shocker: THE LIFEGUARD ALSO WAS THERE! Or I guess a possessed version of her since this plotline is getting less US and more Invasion of the Body Snatchers (no need to return my call anymore, Jordan Peele). Also possession or not, this chick’s side pony and wispy bangs are the true terrors (second only to Billy’s wig). 

Also can we talk about Billy’s mustache for a second? IT IS SO DISGUSTING. That’s all I have to say. I don’t want to look at it any further.  Also look at how dried out this wig is and this whole episode involves torrential rain. I DEMAND MORE WIG HUMIDITY DAMMIT.

Anyway, Max and Elle (smartly) hightail it out of there right before Billy and the lifeguard attack her parents for further demogorgon possessions and we get one last terrifying view of Billy’s wig. HORRIFYING.

CHAPTER FOUR: THE SAUNA TEST

So I’m really liking the whole Elle and Max vibe going along here. I also like that they weren’t dissuaded by the whole Billy being a possessed demogorgon thing to spoil their sleepover. IT CONTINUES! And not only that, Max is literally introducing  WONDER WOMAN TO ELLE. I could watch an entire episode of this also because both of their hair isn’t too offensive and they’ve both discovered scrunchies. Mazel! But of course, the guys call in a code red and they have to hightail it over there to fix everything. Ain’t it always the way, ladies?

I would like to take a moment to talk about bowl cuts. So far, I have just lumped both Will and Mike’s bowl cuts into “awful” territory as all bowl cuts are awful. However, this episode gets a lot of shots of the back of Will’s head (because the back of his neck is always sensing those goddamned demogorgons). Anyway, it became very clear in this episode just how terrible this wig is as opposed to Mike’s terrible bowl cut actual hair. I consulted the internet, and apparently the kid who plays Will CUT HIS HAIR (which he was contractually obligated NOT to do) days before shooting began and the wigmaster had to scramble and make a wig literally out of the childhood cut hair of one of her assistants. READ IT ALL HERE. Despite her hustle, this wig sucks in the way that all man wigs suck: the back taper is just all off!! And with all those closeups of Will’s neck it is VERY DISTRACTING!! Billy officially is not the only one with a terrible man wig this season. But his is still the worst!

It did hide a bit under this sweet NIAGARA FALLS hat this episode. And his oily bohunk body was hidden under this sweatshirt which was a dead giveaway to all the kids that SOMETHING WAS AMISS HERE since Billy can barely keep a shirt on at school let alone the pool. Since Will knows that demogorgons (specifically the mind flayer?) like it CHILL, everyone was all: THIS DUDE IS STRAIGHT UP POSSESSED. Great work, kids! Also honestly, this whole lewk was giving me Weekend At Bernies realness and I was here for it (since it implies that Billy is dead which I would like very much please). 

Meanwhile, Hopper’s anger management issues get PEAK BLOODY when he just beats the shit out of Cary Elwes (who is technically kind of his boss?) in demanding answers about that Terminator/motorcycle enthusiast who beat the shit out of HIM last episode. Oh, and just an FYI: Winona’s season 3 wig was along for the ride and was still looking great! I cannot say the same for Cary Elwes’s face!

Over at Scoops Ahoy, Steve and his superior wigless mane are doing some serious air duct work with the help of Lucas’s precocious sister. This whole plotline begs the question: do any of the parents of Hawkins ever know where their kids are?

Meanwhile, boring couple is on the rocks after having a really boring fight about whether it’s worse to be a woman or poor and they called it a draw I guess? Anyway, I haven’t spent much time talking about Nancy’s hair which is starting to look a little lumpy honestly and the article I read (link above) told me the bizarre fun fact that most of this hair is real and permed (duh) but that part of the undercarriage is remnants from Winona’s season 1 wig which is obviously why it looks so shitty. The more you know!

Anyway, after being fired by the #metoo boss (who is now also demogorgon possessed) for wanting to investigate why that old lady with the fertilizer eating rats is now also eating fertilizer, she turned to her mom - the one and only queen of Hawkins glamour - KAREN WHEELER. LOOK AT THIS GODDAMNED PERFECT LEWK. Mama Karen ended up giving her a very great motivational pep talk that legit made me cry (SERIOUSLY) about how she had to keep fighting and get the world out about this effed up fertilizer situation. She also delivered a sick burn about her constantly napping husband. I LOVE YOU KAREN.

Back at the town pool, all the kids concocted a Home Alone-style booby trap to get Billy into the sauna, crank up the heat, and prove that there is a heat-hating demogorgon inside him. It kind of worked except they also almost died during the battle royale between Billy’s inner demon (literal this time) and Elle. 

Also I know that I demanded wig humidity last time but this is NOT WHAT I MEANT OMG THIS WIG IS A GHOSTMARE. Anyway, Elle saved the day (duh) for now by throwing Billy through a brick wall like he was the Kool-Aid man but seems like he’s forming a demogorgon army of possessed mole people so seems like it’s gonna be one crazy summer, you guys!

CHAPTER FIVE: THE FLAYER

Straight off the bat: this was a weird episode because it included neither my least favorite wigwearer, Billy, nor (SOB) my favorite wig wearer, KAREN WHEELER. So we were left with a bunch of other randos, mainly Soviets. We begin with Winona’s season 3 wig (looking a little rough around the edges in this episode, I am sad to report) and Hopper, fresh off the info he beat out of Mayor Cary Elwes, high tailing it to some farm owned by The Terminator dude. Under his bed, they find a bunker with these two dudes in it. Good morning!

Terminator dude, obvs shows up fairly immediately and lots of yelling, guns, and machismo ensue. In the end, the Terminator is briefly subdued by a fallen bookshelf and Winona’s season 3 wig, Hopper, and one of the rando Soviets escape but not without car troubles because: of course?

After Hopper’s truck explodes, they are all forced to walk through the woods while Winona’s season 3 wig hilariously tries to ask the non-English-speaking Soviet dude about magnets. It’s all pretty silly stuff but I’m here for Winona’s season 3 wig to get some comedic scenes instead of long suffering Christmas light crying scenes.

Anyway, they find a 7-11 where a lot of product placement and caffeine takes place, as well as Hooper yelling a lot for no reason which is essentially his entire character this season. Get some anger management classes, dude! Also the rando Soviet gets a slushie so between that and Billy’s icee last episode: WHAT A TIME FOR FLAVORED ICE WATER!

My absolute favorite part of the episode came next when Hooper commandeered a sweet convertible from this yuppie asshole. I’m not sure how often police commandeer vehicles in real life but I love it when they do it in movies because it’s always taking a car from some pompous idiot who clearly doesn’t deserve to drive (see: Speed, So I Married An Axe Murderer, etc). You can’t get more pompous or idiotic than this yuppie (named Todd, of course?!) with both a popped Polo shirt AND a blazer with zhuzhed sleeves AND white pants. THE NERVE OF THIS GUY FOR EVEN EXISTING! PLEASE TAKE HIS CAR! OMG HIS LICENSE PLATE IS TDFTHR! EVERYTHING IS JUSTIFIED!

Then Hopper, Winona’s season 3 wig, and the rando Soviet drive directly to Murray’s compound in Illinois. I’m bummed we have to suffer through Murray and his existence again since I’ll never forgive him for the gross pull-out couch jokes he made about #boringcouple’s sex romp at his house but here we are. He DOES speak Russian so let’s just get through this translation. Oh and obviously the Terminator dude questioned the 7-11 clerk so he’s probably on his way to Murray’s house now, hopefully to kill him so I don’t have to suffer through any more of his gross sex jokes. 

Meanwhile, the Scoops Ahoy spy crew are still locked in that elevator they took way into the bedrock of earth/logic but somehow manage to escape when some (more!) rando Soviets come to unlock some deliveries. Then they discover the whole Soviet plan to reopen the Upside Down while also not being noticed by one single Soviet (great security, dudes!) except for this one Soviet who Steve beats up (GO STEVE!) I’d also like to say that Steve’s superior wigless mane is truly wonderful in this episode. The lights from the underground labs really bring out his summer highlights and it’s truly a thing of beauty. Uma Thurman’s daughter continues to have a 2019 beach wave blunt instagram cut not welcome in this 80s narrative please but otherwise she’s fine. 

Over with #boringcouple, they got back together I guess? Remember at the end of season 1 when we were all deeply offended that Nancy was still with Steve and NOT Will’s brother (I refuse to believe he has an actual name). How things have changed! If Steve ever took back Nancy, I would be personally DEEPLY OFFENDED so I guess it’s fine she’s just still a #boringcouple but it’s still boring you guys. Even more boring: the actors are a couple in real life and have been for years! I just found this out this week and found it DEEPLY BORING.

Anyway, #boringcouple teams up with the tween gang to solve this whole fertilizer eating mystery and Nancy totally mommed it up when she put her shitty perm back in a banana clip and told all the kids to buckle up so she could drive her parents’ wood-paneled station wagon and honestly this section felt very Adventures in Babysitting so I’ll allow it. Also Will’s bro’s hair always looks like it was cut by a weed wacker and I’m not sure if this is a comment on his socioeconomic plight but truly Winona’s season 3 wig should get her kids better haircuts please. If her wig can improve so can theirs. In any case, at the missing lifeguard’s house, they vaguely put together some blood-related clues and then decide to visit the fertilizer eating grandma in the hospital.

Only fertilizer eating grandma ain’t there, hunties! Also please return all those flowers to their vase, please. Instead, #boringcouple apologized to each other for their boring fight in an elevator and then had to fight two possessed #metoo bros from the newspaper (which was very satisfying) while Elle and Mike basically starred in an M&Ms commercial in the waiting room. I honestly was hoping that #boringcouple would get possessed too but they ended up being ok (SIGH) and the back of Will’s bowl cut wig sensed danger so I guess Elle is just gonna have to fix everything in the next episode or 3. 

CHAPTER SIX: E PLURIBUS UNUM

We begin, UGH, with #boringcouple who are still battling with (part of?) the mind flayer in the hospital and Nancy gets very Sigourney Weaver in Alien and I thought she was about to get flayed but sadly Elle saved her ass. Back at Hooper’s bunker, the whole gang is still basically relying Elle for both protection and sensory deprivation recon. Nancy gels her hair up for some reason (I hope she used DEP!) and Will keeps getting the tingles on the back of his terrible bowl cut wig. Max and Mike have a battle royale about who cares about Elle more and whether women can make their own decisions about their own telepathic powers which Nancy rightfully weighs in on (you go gurl?) But honestly, no one was protecting Elle from the real catastrophe here: WEARING CRISS CROSS SUSPENDERS THE WHOLE GODDAMNED EPISODE. Suspenders are fine and I’m glad Elle has found fashion, but maybe the kids can elect one of them as Elle’s suspenders advocate to avoid this in the future?

Meanwhile, Terminator dude still hasn’t caught up with Murray (sadly) and everyone in his bunker is still very much alive, at least until they die of lung cancer (ZING!) Anyway, Murray does a lot of Russian translation, rando Soviet dude throws a diva fit about slurpee flavors, Hopper continues his reign of anger management/alcoholism problems, and Winona’s season 3 wig is honestly not looking great. They do somehow figure out what the Russians are doing under Starcourt (they even make diagrams and use a lot of Burger King product placement to reenact nuclear scanarios!) And Hopper calls a secure line to demand backup back in Hawkins. Okay?

Back in Hawkins, Bloody Bloody Cary Elwes seems to have recovered from Hopper’s beating pretty nicely (as long as he keeps those shades on) and is very much invested in the 4th of July county fair he is PRODUCING (he even made signs crediting himself!) The Terminator dude demands answers about Hooper but no matter: JUST ENJOY THIS FAIR RIDE!

Speaking of people getting face beatings, Steve is getting absolutely SAVAGED by the Soviets. It was honestly very heartbreaking because he has somehow become the male MVP of this show, partially to do with his hair god status (EVEN WITH A BLOODY FACE HIS HAIR LOOKS SO GREAT!) but also because he’s become a really sweet guy and I just want him to catch a damn break! (Tho please continue to be broken up with Nancy - dear god!) 

We shouldn’t be too worried about him getting back together with Nancy, though, because if it wasn’t clear from the moment Uma Thurman’s daughter was introduced: THESE TWO ARE OBVS GETTING TOGETHER. Her hair is still a very 2019 distraction but she’s def an upgrade from Nancy. However, after taking some weird Soviet truth serum (probably just LSD, right?) she admits that she harbored a crush on him way back in the 10th grade and also totally undermines her cool outsider status by admitting that all losers want to be popular (I DON’T KNOW IF ALL LOSERS STAND BY THIS GURL I HOPE THIS IS JUST THE LSD TALKING!) This whole section gives a lot of Some Kind of Wonderful realness and honestly that is a lesser John Hughes work so I’m not sure I can give any of this a passing grade. However, Dustin and my new favorite sass machine, Erica save the day with a nuclear cow prod! GREAT WORK KIDS! ALSO YOUR PARENTS DEFINITELY DON’T CARE WHERE YOU ARE! Speaking of parents, yet again the glamour of KAREN WHEELER did not grace itself in this episode and we were all worse for it.

Back at Hopper’s cabin, Elle decides to go nuclear with her sensory deprivation recon and we all have to welcome BILLY (UGH BILLY) and his terrible wig back. Anyway, he pushes her further into the recesses of his memory/all logic on an astral plane that can only be described as the place where Michelle Pfeiffer was in the Ant-Man sequel (IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT HOW VERY DARE YOU). So we get a lot of terrible childhood flashbacks which try to show Billy’s abusive tendencies to be learned from his horrible upbringing and truly: DO NOT MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT BILLY.

JUST LOOK AT THIS IDIOT. NO THANK YOU PLEASE. Despite the humidity of his entire body, his wig remains a dried out hellscape that I would love to never see again for the rest of my days. Also he almost traps Elle in the astral plane they’re on JUST LIKE MICHELLE PFEIFFER IN THAT ANT-MAN MOVIE) but she escapes into the arms of Mike (fine sure) and then Billy explains that he and and his army of mole people have been waiting for Elle this whole time and: REALLY? That seems very specific but you do you, mole people. Oh also all those mole people (grandma fertilizer included!) all file into the rat warehouse and shapeshift into a disgusting mind flayer/demogorgon/blob nightmare. YAY!

CHAPTER SEVEN: THE BITE

Welcome to the Fun Fair (a Mayor Cary Elwes production!) Somehow he recovered from his terrible face beating to show some FACE at this thing. The whole town is there and ready for some 4th of July FUN that will definitely not be ruined by Russians or demogorgons. 

Most importantly, this episode gave us the triumphant return of KAREN WHEELER! HER HAIR LOOKS AMAZING! She is bringing full out bouffant glamour to the Fun Fair and damn if she didn’t have this lewk done at Dolly Parton’s salon in Steel Magnolias. IT IS THAT GOOD.  Clearly employing the “higher the hair the closer to god” theory - and not just hair-wise actually because this bish bribed some carnie to stop the ferris wheel at its highest point so that she and her family (at least the part of her family whose whereabouts she knows about) can enjoy some FIREWORKS. KAREN YOU MINX I LOVE YOU! HOW ARE YOU STILL MARRIED TO THIS DUDE IN GOLF PANTS?!

The top of the ferris wheel is also a perfect place to see the incoming demogorgon!! The back of Will’s bowl cut is getting the tingles too. And before Elle can fully explain her trip into Billy’s beach memories, the mind flayer is THERE, y’all, busting through the roof of Hopper’s cabin like it’s straight out of a 50s b-movie. I would like to note that for ONCE Winona’s house isn’t about to get trashed so mazel! #Boringcouple armed themselves with guns and axes but obvs they prove completely useless and the flayer is about to steal Elle away when they make a human chain and are victorious...FOR NOW.

Meanwhile, Dustin and Erica are dealing with a very drugged up Steve and Uma Thurman’s daughter and decide to lay low in a showing of (WHAT ELSE?): Back to the Future! They actually show so much of this movie that I’m assuming the entire wig budget went straight to Robert Zemeckis. 

Over in the TDFTHER convertible, Winona’s season 3 wig is looking a damn MESS as is all the side projection of them getting back to Indiana. There’s a lot of bickering between Winona’s season 3 wig and Hopper and finally my beloathed Murray has to meet his gross sex talk quota for the season and tells both of them to just have sex already and then he and the Soviet dude laugh a lot and OMG GET ME OUT OF THIS CONVERTIBLE.

#Boringcouple and the kids smash into a supermarket to get Elle some medical help for the leg that the flayer effed up. I’m not sure why a hospital wasn’t an option but it’s probably so there could be more 80s product placement like Mr. T cereal and a whole actual conversation about New Coke. Nancy’s hair is still VERY depped up. Max seems to have the most medical training from skateboard injuries and fixes Elle up pretty well while the dudes prove completely useless other than finding a treasure trove of fireworks. I guess most importantly, Elle was reunited with her ain’ true love: EGGOS. They hightail it out of there with a ton of fireworks that they definitely won’t (lol jk) use later. Oh and Elle’s blood kind of comes alive and Billy and his shitty wig come back to sniff her out. Gross. 

Speaking of gross, Steve and Uma’s daughter left the very confusing (for them) screening of Back to the Future to go stare at the Starcourt ceiling to the point of barfing (which I honestly did not need to see TWICE or at all!) The barf did get the LSD out of their systems so now it’s time for truth talk and LURVE TALK! I really have to hand it to Steve for being completely face beaten and bloody and covered in barf and still having enough swagger to admit to Uma’s daughter that he has feelings for her (despite her 2019 hair) and just when I thought this show was so predictable, Uma’s daughter comes out as a LESBIAN!! What? Okay! To his credit, Steve pivots pretty easily to ally/friend and truly: HE IS THE BEST AND WE DO NOT DESERVE HIM. ALSO PLEASE GET HELP ON YOUR FACE WOUNDS AND YOUR HAIR STILL LOOKS GREAT. 

NOR DO WE DESERVE THIS MUCH GLAMOUR TWICE IN ONE EPISODE. Karen Wheeler may look great but damn if she knows where her (or Winona’s season 3 wig’s) kids are. But let’s just enjoy this space ship ride! Also a rando carnie calls Hopper “Magnum” and: sick burn. Also there is a woman dressed up as Uncle Sam at the fun fair and between this drag king realness, Uma’s daughter, that one Jazzercise instructor, and (maybe/probably) Will, I’m so ready to throw a Hawkins Pride Parade. Karen is already wearing rainbow stripes!

Elsewhere at the fun fair, Alexei is having the time of his damn life winning a Woody Woodpecker with the support of 10000 children. Sadly, his joy is cut short when the Terminator dude kills him in cold blood. HARSH. Also Murray chooses to blame himself for not guarding him like he was supposed to and instead buying a corn dog. I AGREE, MURRAY: THIS IS YOUR FAULT PLEASE LEAVE. Then Hopper has a whole sequence with the Terminator dude (and some other rando Soviet baddies) in the funhouse which is the second time this season which felt like a weird homage to US and I guess I need to get Jordan Peele on the horn again about this. Anyway, Hopper gets ANOTHER face beating and so does Cary Elwes from Winona’s (also beat) season 3 wig. 

Back at the mall, Steve and company are trying to just slip out with the rest of the movie crowd from Back to the Future but the Soviets are totally onto them and it looks like they’re about to be killed when (AGAIN) Elle saves the day by throwing a Chrysler LeBaron on them. GREAT WORK! Unfortunately, Elle is also receiving a threatening phonecall from a mini demogorgon and the call is coming from: INSIDE HER LEG. 

CHAPTER EIGHT: THE BATTLE OF STARCOURT

So this demogorgon situation with Elle’s leg is pretty severe so Will’s brother (again name NOT NECESSARY) prepares for mall surgery based on stuff found at the Panda Express and literally gave her a wooden spoon to bite on as if this was happening during the Revolutionary War. The demogorgon leg removal is not working so as always, Elle just DID IT HERSELF because she may be the only capable person in this mall/town. 

Hopper and Winona’s season 3 wig (not looking great) and (UGH) Murray show up and everyone compares notes on how to fix this whole mindflayer situation. Most importantly, Erica outsasses Murray and wins. Steve (rightly) gets the keys to the TDFTHER convertible to take him, Uma’s daughter, Dustin and Erica (now known as Scoops Troop) to Dustin’s radio tower. The rest of the tweens plus #boringcouple (now known as The Griswold Family because sure) are getting sent to Murray’s bunker and can’t they maybe stop and get Elle some medical attention on the way? No matter: they’re not going anywhere because Billy, possessed or not, still knows way too much about cars and stole their damn ignition cable. DAMMIT BILLY. 

Steve is driving the Scoops Troop up a damn hill to the radio tower while listening to Jackie Wilson’s Higher and Higher which I’m sure is a Ghostbusters 2 reference and also Uma’s daughter looks exactly like her in the convertible driving part of Kill Bill and honestly all of these pop cultural references are getting tiring. Anyway, from the top of the radio tower, they can see the demogorgon closing in on the mall and Steve and Uma’s daughter hightail it back there. 

At the mall, Elle is having some trouble moving that LeBaron to get the ignition cable - she can’t even move a damn coke can. WHAT GIVES? This does beg the question: since she has literally done all the heavy lifting this season, could she maybe call in a favor from her telepathic sister in Chicago? Why did this show even introduce that character - just to check off “punks” on their 80s pop culture list (note: DEFINITELY) But seriously, it’s like when Marvel makes a stand-alone superhero movie after an Avengers movie. SOMEONE GET THAT PUNK CHICK ON THE HORN!!! Anyway, Will gets some back of bowl cut tingles and the damn demogorgon smashes through the roof. Elle, Mike, and Max make a run for it through the gap, where the demogorgon confuses a mannequin wearing Elle’s same clothing and truly: the gap would NEVER sell this graphic eleganza! Did Esprit just not want to be involved in this whole mess because that is where she would have bought that. The rest of the tense gap scene plays out basically exactly like the kitchen scene in Jurassic Park. Meanwhile, #boringcouple is doing boring auto work while Billy just endlessly stalls in his evilmobile but is about to hit them when MVP hair god Steve saves the day and everyone piles into the station wagon. YAY!

Elsewhere, the Terminator dude has made it to the Soviet subbasement where Hooper, Winona’s season 3 wig and (UGH) Murray are now in Soviet apparel. Winona’s season 3 wig (looking great hidden under that hat) and Hopper have a nice talk and make plans for a legit date which definitely won’t be derailed by a demogorgon (lol jk jk). Murray manages to infiltrate the room where all the wires control the nuclear weapon the Soviets are using to open up the Upside Down and why wasn’t this room better guarded? Oh well. Much like sucking at guarding Soviets and not buying corndogs, Murray sucks at remembering important numbers which are the combination for the nuclear keys. 

Of course the code is some nerdy equation that requires Dustin to ask fellow nerd (and girlfriend Suzie who exists!) for help. But not before Suzie demands that Dustin sing....The Neverending Story theme song. This is peak 80s cultural reference and we can all go home now. Also it is mainly an excuse for Galen Matarazzo to sing and sure: he and this chick sound great! Now please get those damn keys! 

Elle,  Max and Mike are confronted with (unfortunately still alive) Billy who beats the shit out of all of them and takes Elle. She’s about to get flayed when Lucas and Will throw all those damn fireworks on the demogorgon. Sure!  Elle uses Billy’s memories to reason with him. This show definitely wants us to root for Billy all of a sudden because he turns on the demogorgon but I REFUSE TO LIKE BILLY WITH THAT DRIED OUT WIG IN THIS SWEATY MALL. 

   Back in the subbasement, Winona’s season 3 wig and Hopper are ready to end this but the Terminator dude shows up. They duke it out very close to a nuclear warhead while Winona’s season 3 wig turns into MacGuyver and uses a belt to try to disarm both keys and bless her. Hopper throws the Terminator into nuclear generator thingie. Byeeeeee. Then Hopper looks back at Winona’s season 3 wig for long enough to definitely make it back into the safe glass room where she is but instead just gives a really long nod, signalling her to disarm the nuclear whatever thing and he definitely (absolutely does not) die. 

However, all my hopes and dreams for Billy’s death finally came true! YAY FOR ME AND MY HATRED OF HIS TERRIBLE WIG AND HIS CHARACTER WHICH HAD NO REDEEMING QUALITIES NO MATTER HOW MANY BEACH FLASHBACKS TRIED TO PROVE OTHERWISE. I will say that his exit is VERY METAL so in some ways, this was the only appropriate death for his Metallica and Tank loving character. FINE. Two seconds after he and the demogorgon die, the feds show up with Paul Reiser! I am honestly very mad at this show for not blasting Pat Benatar’s Little Too Late during this entire sequence. OH WELL. Outside the mall Winona’s season 3 wig and Will’s terrible bowl cut wig are reunited in a bad wig hug. Then Winona’s season 3 wig catches sight of Elle and gives her a look that says: I am definitely adopting you.

Three months later, a fake Inside Edition show gets us up to date on the burning of the mall, government coverups, and comeuppance of terrible mayor Cary Elwes. Also Uma’s daughter (now with 80s appropriate updo!) and Steve are trying to get jobs at the video store! Uma’s daughter and her love of Billy Wilder movies make her a shoe-in for the job but Steve's taste in the Ewok Star Wars movie and the 5 minutes he saw of Back To the Future whilst on LSD don’t make him the best candidate. Also he trips over a Phoebe Cates cut-out and truly Phoebe Cates: thank you for your service in being name-checked constantly this season. In the end, Steve’s awesome hair gets him the job. Maybe? 

Meanwhile, Winona’s season 3 wig is moving just like she said she was going to this whole season and no one believed her. Also she put her wig back in a ponytail and: good move it looks ok! Elle still doesn’t have her powers back but eh? She does get a heart-tugging letter from beyond the grave (he’s totally still alive) and all the kids/tweens/#boringcouple sob that they are being separated. It isn’t clear where Winona’s season 3 wig is going or how she could have sold her shitty house in the town that fake Inside Edition show called haunted. And yes, separating her now 3 PTSD kids from their only support group is also shitty but what has this goddamned town ever done for Winona and any of her seasons’ wigs other than stealing her children and killing her love interests and trashing that shitty house at least twice?! I SAY GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE (they will fully be back next season). 

After collectively sobbing all their faces off, the tweens of Hawkins are left only with the ELEGANZA OF KAREN WHEELER and whatever healthy dinner she’s preparing with the help of some white wine. YOU KIDS ARE STILL LUCKY WHO NEEDS FRIENDS WHEN YOU HAVE KAREN WHEELER! Oh and back in Russia, Hopper is like 110% definitely still alive. See y’all next season!

FINAL VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ (YOU KNOW IT WAS BILLY’S FAULT)

[lonesomealley]

Borderlands 3 Review

*Writer’s Note: I played this game when it came out and have based my review on the version of the game that I played then. Some of this information may become outdated with time. 

DISCLAIMER: This review is going to contain a lot of spoilers for Borderlands 3, if you don’t want that then this is not the review for you. My overall opinion of this game is that it’s… okay. It entirely depends on what you value out of a video game. Borderlands 3 is, at heart, just another Borderlands that’s been somewhat dumbed down, and if you don’t like the Borderlands series’ base mechanics (i.e. farming, constantly throwing away weak gear, getting stomped on for being underleveled) then this is not the game for you. If you value storytelling in your video games, this game is absolutely not the game for you. However if you’re someone who just wants to shoot some guys and already like, or think you’ll like, Borderlands’ looting systems then this game is going to range anywhere from okay to good. It should be kept in mind that this review is meant to take into account many of the different aspects of the game, hence why this review is going to have a far lower score than many other reviewers/media publications seem to be rewarding it.

I don’t really know if Borderlands 3 is worth the $60 asking price, and I would ultimately say to either wait for the game to go on sale or at least wait for it to go up on Steam. This is because the game really is just a dumbed down Borderlands entry, you could easily just go buy the Handsome Collection for $60 (if you haven’t already) and have just as good, even better, of a time. Also that Steam has more laid back refund policies than the Epic Store (which can be blamed for this review existing in the first place). But this is where the spoiler free section ends, anything past this point will contain heavy spoilers for the sake of in depth discussion. You have been warned.

When the Borderlands 3 reveal trailer came out back in March I was entirely skeptical that the game would be anything good. The story looked like a mess, the guns looked like complete shit, and overall it appeared that a lot of the things they were promising on were too good to be true or would end up simplified. Also, at the time I had just played through the entirety of the existing Borderlands series (excluding Tales From the Borderlands), so this new game was going to have to spike a certain chord with me. This definitely wasn’t helped by the “additions” that they tried to make to those games such as second game’s graphics enhancements, and the Borderlands 1 remaster. The former, while making the game look prettier, had the problem of cutting off cross platform play (across PC, Mac, Linux, etc.) which left a small crowd of people very disappointed. And the latter had the issue of being a complete load of garbage with many of the same bugs, new performance issues, clunkier menus, new menus not working, and of course Gearbox’s patented golden chest. They pulled a BL2 and just gave you OP guns at the beginning of the game as to make the beginning area more trivial than it already was. And if that wasn’t bad enough, they suited you out with 75 golden keys for connecting your shift account, meaning that you could destroy any sense of value the guns originally had.

There was also the new BL2 dlc that was meant to tie the game into BL3’s story. However I can safely say that after having played through BL3, this dlc’s campaign in no way whatsoever connects these two games together. I guess at best it explains how Sanctuary fell, but that in of itself has a lot of problems. You get attacked by some Dahl commander (who has never been brought up in the story before) where he infects Sanctuary, and by further extension Pandora, with this plant virus. Your job is to kill this guy and stop the plant virus. There is no motivation established for this guy besides that he wants to make Pandora into some paradise, and the story has absolutely no effect on BL3 at all. The crew was already set on going to outer space, this invasion only served to speed up this process. To further this claim, there is no mention of this dlc’s events in BL3 and Pandora is still the same sandy hell scape that it normally is.

Which finally brings us to Borderlands 3. A game that feels surprisingly devoid of passion and love despite how much effort went into it. A game that feels like there wasn’t enough time to flesh out ideas. A game owned by a company who sold out to Epic for money- let’s get a couple of things out of the way first. 1. Borderlands 3 isn’t an entirely bad game per se. 2. I have relatively no issue with the game being an Epic exclusive and my opinion is not biased or soured due to Randy Pitchford’s constant fuck ups.

However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t outright despise Gearbox and 2K for their actions. They take an exclusivity deal with Epic which actively disrupts consumer convenience and confidence in purchasing their product (not a big deal). But then they have the audacity to push this game out in the buggy, unpolished, and unoptimized state that its currently in (kind of a big deal). The menus are buggy on a basic, functional level, the performance tanks constantly, and items would quite literally disappear out of thin air from my inventory. All of these made Borderlands 3 just that much more of a painstaking experience to play through.

It was the unpolished game and the Borderlands’ trademark shitty introductory area that made me want to refund the game. And believe me, I tried to refund the game. Unfortunately I got denied my refund because I had accidentally played over 2 hours of the game, when the Epic client doesn’t even show your playtime. So ultimately I had no choice but to play this game in order to get my 60 dollars worth. In that time I learned that this game is exactly like the other Borderlands games. Right down to the pacing and the disappointing endings. The beginning of Borderlands 3 is a complete slog. You’re just slapped down on Pandora and have to suffer through Clap Trap’s “hilarious” writing and get formally introduced to the mechanics of a Borderlands game for the 4th time now. Gearbox has apparently never figured out that people really hate playing through the beginning of their games because it refuses to give the players a skip tutorial option or a way to just outright bypass the introduction. Now I will say that this introduction isn’t as bad as BL2 or The Presequel, but it's certainly nowhere near good either.

The problem with these introduction areas is that they aren’t engaging or really even play into the story in any meaningful way. In BL3, you arrive out of thin air on Pandora and are forcefully met up with Lilith and the Crimson Raiders so that you can prepare to take off into space. Between meeting up and going into space you’ll be doing menial tasks such as fixing Marcus’ shops, getting a basic vehicle, and doing some really boring boss fights. Your motive for killing these bosses is because Lilith is on the hunt for the vault map. That thing that they had in BL2, how did they lose it? Nevermind that because it’s just sitting with Mouthpiece, a painfully easy boss that expects no brain power out of you other than just avoid the giant speakers that go boom. Apparently it was in Vaughn’s possession before he was betrayed by his Sun Smasher clan in return for good boy points from the Calypsos. Why the Crimson Raiders thought it would be a good idea to leave the map with Vaughn beats me, but I can safely say that this theme of Vaughn being a complete fuck up is consistent throughout the entirety of BL3.

Vaughn at best feels like a comedic relief character, and at worst feels like padding. This character has no important role throughout the story, just plainly isn’t a funny character, and comes across as a complete waste of space. He could literally just disappear from the entire game and nothing would change. You (luckily) don’t even see him for most of the game because his ass is left back on Pandora to do…  something. I’ve heard that Vaughn is a far better character in Tales from the Borderlands, however as I haven’t played that game I cannot say for certain whether or not Gearbox really just dropped the ball on this one. Vaughn also isn’t the only character I have this opinion of, however as I am still discussing the game’s intro I feel that I should hold off until later.

So after you acquire the vault map and experience a “high stakes” encounter with the Calysos, Lilith loses her siren powers. I feel like this was supposed to be some big, “Oh shit,” moment but I have to express that I simply don’t care for Lilith’s character and people who are new to the Borderlands series won’t care either. Lilith is not necessarily a “good guy” in Borderlands. She has done some fucked up things that have drastically changed the overarching plotline and a lot of people’s perception of her both in the story and by players experiencing it. In The Pre-Sequel, she is framed as being the reason for Handsome Jack’s insanity as Lilith literally branded a vault symbol onto his face. In the epilogue of TPS she actively commands a firing squad to gun down Athena after she tells her story in its entirety, completely against the judgement of her colleagues. And she makes incredibly rash decisions in BL2 that causes detrimental results for the crimson raiders such as being captured by Handsome Jack after being explicitly told not to come to Angel’s prison that greatly changes the dynamic of the story. These are only a couple examples, and I could keep going, but the point is that I don’t value Lilith as an entirely productive or a beneficially proactive member of the Crimson Raiders. And new players who have never played Borderlands before literally won’t even know who Lilith is or why she is even important. Hence when Lilith loses her siren powers after a pretty pathetic fight with the Calypsos, I can really only roll my eyes and just go with it.

From here the story relatively picks up and becomes a bit more bearable (but not really), however I don’t want a couple thousand words of this review to be about the story. Overall it’s trash, and I’m going to try my best to summarize just why it’s trash. Firstly is that the Borderlands writers might be writing for way too many characters. Seriously you have: ProZ-oh I mean Flak, Amara, Zane, Moze, Vaughn, Lilith, Brick, Mordecai, Tiny Tina, Ellie, Tannis, Marcus, Zero, Rhys, Lorelei, Aurelia, Hammerlock, Typhon Deleon, The Calypsos, Katagawa, Bosses also have some writing with them, Ava, Rhys, holy shit I could just keep going. This isn’t to mention that the the only returning vault hunters from BL2 are Zero and Maya. And then factor in that the writers had to write up a ton of audio logs, some Typhon logs, Eridian logs, side quest dialogue for meaningless bosses, etc. and you have just this disaster of a story that churns everyone out to be really shallow characters. There aren’t any truly good characters in this game. Some of them are passable but that’s because they either aren't main characters or they have some somewhat funny writing and redeeming qualities.

Characters like Ava and Maya (and Vaughn) are completely devoid of any purpose within Borderlands outside of being fuel to the drama fire or just outright being an obnoxious brat. It’s pretty obvious that Ava is just a spoiled teenager who has no idea what she’s getting into, but even in the context of Borderlands her character doesn’t fit at all. For example, after the player kills the first vault monster (Rampager) and returns from the vault, you’re suited to a cutscene where Ava and Maya go pants on head retarded. Ava, a defenseless, tiny, teenager with no powers whatsoever, tries to tell Maya that, “We should be kicking [the Calypsos’] asses!” after the Calypso twins show up to absorb the powers of the vault monster. Mind you, this is after her and Maya debate about how Ava is a piece of shit that’ll get herself killed if she sneaks off to more vaults. Ava then has the audacity to tell the vampire sirens that eventually she’s going to be a siren and she’s going to, “Mop the floor with assholes like you.” These actions ultimately gets her put in her place, and Maya killed. Bottom line: She’s an obnoxious character that makes playing through the story of BL3 worse the more you’re exposed to her. And speaking of Maya, her character in Borderlands is completely useless. She introduces Ava, and then gets killed so that the players can go grrr at the big baddies. Her only significance to the story is that Maya is a siren so that the Calypso twins can steal her powers. Otherwise she is an absolutely useless character that now we’ll never get to see again without Gearbox pussying out on their own writing.

I’ll be completely honest here in saying that Typhon Deleon was the best written character in the game, and you hardly get to hear anything from him outside of backstory and the final couple hours of the game. If Typhon Deleon was a main star of BL3 I think the story would’ve went in a much more favorable direction. However I can’t discount the good writing moments within the story. Even though I absolutely hate Flak’s character even down to his voice, he does have some lines that made me chuckle. Rhys’ entire gag about Rhys ball had me laughing for that entire section, especially the line, “Suck on my big ball, Katagawa.” In fact I think most of the jokes that I laughed at were sexual jokes. I frankly don’t think a lot of these sexual jokes make the cut in a lot of games nowadays outside of obvious fanfare or really out there stuff like Grand Theft Auto 5. This was really unexpected and pulled off well in BL3 as weird as a compliment this is.

I also just want to express my disappointment for how the old vault hunters were treated in this writing: Axton, Gaige, Krieg, and Salvadore aren’t present in this game outside of some echo logs. It could be plausible that Axton and Gaige will come back for a future dlc, but I’m not holding my breath. We ultimately got Maya and Zero, and oh god these characters are bad. Maya dies only a couple hours after you meet her and Zero is comparable to a boomer dad trying to be hip with the kids. Maybe that’s the joke, in which case all I can say is, “Wow, they pulled it off really well and I’m not laughing.”

And finally, the Watcher. What the hell happened to this dude and why isn’t he in BL3? He appears at the end of TPS and is like, “You’re gonna need all of the vault hunters you can get,” however, not only do we have a very restricted roster of vault hunters, the Watcher is literally never mentioned again. Unless the Watcher is the Eridian that left all of the audio logs laying around, but what a disappointment.

I could keep going a good while if I wanted to, but that’s reserved for my videos. The next part of the game that should be brought up is the world design. Most of the world design is okay, I wish Pandora wasn’t just set in desert hell ala BL1, but other than that they seem to have enough content and discoverable areas to make them interesting to explore. My ultimate problem with the world building comes in when considering the planetary system in the game. Now this point can be entirely perceived as me just being an ass but when I think “planets” I expect a lot more than the world hubs in BL3. The planet’s levels are relatively small scale for being on, you know, a planet. And this isn’t just a problem with BL3, many other games that have incorporated planets like this, such as Destiny and Warframe, ultimately fail at capturing the scale of planets. A planet is often scaled down to a simple level within a video game, and it’s somewhat shameful to see a game boasting, “tens of planets to travel to” and then those planets have the same (and even less) scale as their previous title entries that were based on a singular world. Now I perfectly understand that this is a hard request to answer to, and having to build and construct one world is difficult on its own. Despite this, if a development/marketing team wants to promote their usage of a planetary system in their video game, it’s implied that the levels are going to be gigantic. It’s not at all impressive to see planets being used in BL3 because BL2 had the same, if not more, level variety and the same, if not more, amount of levels without the pseudo use of large scale.

This isn’t to say that the levels contained in the game are bad, just that I wish they weren’t pushed into a planetary system. Generally speaking, the levels aren’t bad. I hadn’t ever reached a part of the game where I thought, “Wow this level is trash,” or found levels that were broken. In fact, the gameplay and level design seem to be the real highlights of this game. Gameplay this time around has been modernized and sped up. Players are suited with a slide, ledge grabbing, barrel throwing, and melee slams. Sliding in of itself is important because of how non-committal it is as you can cancel a slide instantly by jumping. These additions ultimately make combat faster and more varied in how you approach the game. See Borderlands 1, 2, and TPS (while it tried) suffered from each fight encounter being basically the same shootout with basic cover systems. This time around, while you can still use the basic playstyle from the older games, you’re provided the methods to really make your gameplay interesting. Personally I never used the melee slam or the barrel throwing, and the new ledge grabbing system only serves to add verticality in map exploring from my experience. However I did use a lot of the slide, and given the right gun (especially shotguns) it became very satisfying to slide into an enemy and pop them into the air with a shotgun.

On this note, I feel like I have to express how much I disliked the feel of the guns. And clearly I am on the contrary opinion here because I have heard everyone on the planet say that, “Wow the gunplay is soooo good omg!!!” but I’ll be honest in saying that I didn’t see it here. Sure, the gunplay now feels more weighty and the new animations and stuff are nice to making the player character good gameplay feel. But the guns themselves, despite apparently having tons of funding behind making the guns sound good and being completely reworked, still have the chronic floaty-ness issues of the previous games. Some guns (primarily early game Hyperion SMGs, Maliwan guns, and some shotguns) just felt so awful to play with that I put them down and never touched them again. I’m not too sure what I was expected as I slid into an opponent and shot them in the face with my shotgun, only for them to fly away a couple feet and just get right back up only having lost about half or less of their health. Jakobs guns were consistently the best weapon, feel wise, despite me always wishing they had a bit more of a kick to them.

One of my major issues with the guns is that they are way too sci-fi and not enough like guns on wastelands and battle driven hell hole. Seriously for how terrible a place Pandora is, you don’t get weapons that reflect this attribute, Instead you get these futuristic Hyperion smgs that will project a shield out in front of you or a Torgue gun that will home into your target when thrown. This is a consistent theme throughout the game where guns won’t aesthetically match the environment. I could understand if you found futuristic guns on Promethea, or even that you find technologically advanced weaponry in the form of Hyperion leftovers on Pandora(given that they’re consistent with the styling of BL2). This would 1. Appease me, because I am the only person worth pleasing, and 2. Would allow the Gearbox developers to create more variety with their weapons so that the game actually feels like it’s hitting its promise of, “Billions of guns.”

Another issue I have is the sound design for these guns, which is probably the point I’ll get absolutely grilled for but: Using actual sampled gun sounds apparently does not work for video games. Seriously every time a game tries to improve the sound of its guns, the new sounds somehow turn out to be worse. This can easily be explained off as having a bias against change, but let's talk about it. Firstly, the guns are way too quiet in Borderlands. And they seem extra quiet in BL3, like worse than BL1 quiet. Maybe it’s a difference in subtlety, because let’s face it: It’s not like a microphone was stuck right next to an actual gun. In reality the sound designers probably had the microphone a good many feet away. This gives the gunshot more of a subtle popping sound rather than the huge blast that the person holding the gun actually experiences (hence why you wear earplugs when shooting guns in real life). But I’m going to put in my take on this matter: Guns need to have an impact in their noise. Now this doesn’t mean that guns sounds even need to be based on real guns or realistic in any shape or fashion. Borderlands is a game with a unique artstyle, so why can’t Borderlands have unique sound design?

It seems that every game nowadays wants the best sounding or most realistic guns to boot, however what happened to all that stylistic choice? Some of the best examples I can think of are Counter Strike’s western inspired whiff sounds for its older titles, Enter the Gungeon’s wide arrangement of different gun sounds, the cartoony gun shot effects for Wasted, and even Borderlands unique sound designs such as The Bane and the beam guns from TPS. These unique sound designs are missing for BL3’s guns and, despite Gearbox making an algorithm to suit one gun sound to thousands of guns, they all really sound the same. Not like you can’t tell the difference between what you’re shooting but in that all snipers sound like a generic sniper, all pistols sound like pistols. Of course you have to discount certain weapons like the Occultist that don’t even shoot the bullets respective of its weapon type. But the point is: this is a missed part of the game. I don’t necessarily like or dislike the realistic approach to the sound design of weaponry, but in a game that feels anything but realistic, the sounds aren’t doing it for me here.

But let’s reel it back to the game again, and get into the basic looting mechanics for this game. Upfront: It’s dumbed down, and takes little effort to get good gear. This is the part of the game where I fall out of my element (if I haven’t already), because I don’t really appreciate Borderlands for its RPG mechanics. It feels nice, and the act of finally getting something you grind out for hours if exhilarating (4 times magic missile), but it is far from how I prefer to play my games. Given this though, even I feel that legendaries drop way too often. Over my playthrough of just the main game content (I did 6 side quests on my first playthrough, and we’ll get to this) I collected tens of legendaries. When I was finished with the game I had 10 legendaries just sitting in my inventory that I was either actively using or keeping as a memorial item. This isn’t to mention that you literally get a chest at the end of the game that contain 4 legendaries in it. The loot dropping system is no longer satisfying at this point. And this isn’t just a matter of, “Oh they buffed the loot drops a little bit,” it’s a matter of the looting system becomes a complete joke when bosses can literally drop multiple legendaries without Mayhem, and will consistently drop multiple legendaries with Mayhem.

Assemble this with a forgiving leveling system, and now it’s just a dumbed down Borderlands experience. In previous Borderlands games, you couldn’t just do the main quest from start to finish. At some point you would eventually become underleveled, and paired with Borderlands’ trademark unforgiving and shitty rpg mechanics, meant that being 3 levels beneath an enemy granted you 10% damage reduction. This is no longer a worry, you can now play the main quests from start to finish with zero leveling hiccups. Or at least from my experience. Some reviews that I indulged in have said that they did have troubles with the leveling system, to which I rolled my eyes and had to immediately question what the hell they had done wrong. On normal mode I finished the campaign having only completed 6 side quests in total. One of these, to tie back to the looting system real quick, gave me a legendary elemental pistol that melted enemies for the next couple of zones. I also asked someone about their experience playing Borderlands 3 so far, only to learn that he had been doing every single quest that he was given and was massively overleveled come time for the first vault boss (he was level 21).

The bosses of Borderlands, this time around, were the best and the worst that the series has ever gotten. They’ve been massively revamped from the older system of AOE insta-kill moves to having actual attack patterns that you can skillfully avoid. To compensate for this, the bosses have been relatively tuned up to be more aggressive, throwing out more attacks. These new bosses range from very good to very, very bad. Some of my favorites were the Graveward, the Penn and Teller styled boss (Pain and Terror), and Troy Calypso. The bosses that I ultimately ended up hating were Katagawa, the Rampager, the Warden, and the Anointed. These bosses either suffered from boring attack patterns, bullet spongy-ness, or a lack of direction on what you’re supposed to be doing to beat the boss. Katagawa and the Warden fit into this last category. For Katagawa I was confused by him taking inconsistent damage (he loses a ton of health on shield break) and the Warden I couldn’t figure out whether or not I was allowed to kill him early. This is because the Warden is styled around the Goliath from BL2, so whenever he kills one of his teammates he gains all of his health back and then levels up. It turns out that you can kill this boss early, I just had garbage guns for this fight. So to answer your question, yes I did get the Warden to max level, and what pursued was a 20-something minute boss fight where you run the boss around in circles and turn around to deal damage when you can, and then he would kill a minion and level up. The only way I managed to kill him was that when he did eventually hit max level, he would stop focusing his minions when on low health.

The bosses that were truly good were the ones that kept the player busy, while not being too spongy or time consuming. It should be noted that the spongy factor of a boss can be easily biased by what type of weapons you enter a boss fight with. Some of the bosses I thought were easier may have actually been harder for you or another player, and vice versa. However, I will speak more of a general design philosophy and less of a, “This guy had too much health,” philosophy. I loved the Graveward (while admittedly being underwhelming for a vault monster) because of his unique battle area and clear attacks that would make his weak point exposed. Having the entire floor tilted to the side while you’re spamming jump to save your life was a fun mechanic to work with, especially when you factor in dodgeable acid balls. This was a simple boss fight that had a unique spin on an FPS boss. Terror and Pain I loved for stylistic reasons and the meta-humor around putting characters themed around Penn and Teller in a game made by a company with a CEO who is super into magic. This boss is comparable to Mouthpiece, but actually just a straight upgrade. The arena you fight Terror and Pain in is far more interesting, the boss itself looks cool, and while I have honestly forgotten the attacks that the boss had, it was still a fun encounter. One of the attacks I do remember though is the floor lighting up to indicate that fire was going to shoot up to incinerate you, and felt far more fitting than getting blasted by a speaker turned up too loud.

Something that I disliked across the board with these bosses, and this is a massive opinion piece, is that the bosses were too easy. Sometimes I honestly wished I was playing Borderlands: The Bullet Hell. I really wanted a boss that wasn’t just going to engage my attention, but make me feel like, “Holy shit, holy shit, oh my god, I am going to die.” Actually, the entire game was pretty damn easy. Although this can come down to a lot of reasons such as ally NPCs now being able to revive you, and the upped pacing of the game causing players to need to rely less on cover.

And I mean, it’s not like the game stays easy forever right? After you complete the campaign on normal mode you then unlock True Vault Hunter Mode (TVHM) and the brand new, super cool, “Badass-,” oh whoops I mean, “Guardian Ranks.” The end game is perhaps the most disappointing thing is this game for hardcore veterans of the Borderlands series. Firstly, that “reworked” end game comes in the form of the new badass ranking system, only this time you can’t disable it (This pieceo of information has become outdated with time, a future update has included the option to turn off these gaurdian perks and the passive bonuses). I mean, this time you get some rewards for using the guardian ranks? Meh. Otherwise the game still revolves around making you play it multiple times in order to get to the level cap. The only real reworked thing here is the new mayhem difficulties, annnnd they’re bad. So what the mayhem system is supposed to do is make the game more difficult while incentivizing you to play it by giving you consistently better loot rewards (more blues, purples, and legendaries). This system would otherwise be okay if not for just one problem: Mayhem 2 added no difficulty to the game, while Mayhem 3 felt typical to Borderlands end game difficulty (It should be noted that the Mayhem system has been revamped to include 10 Mayhem levels). Again, this may be because of my own personal experience with the game, see apparently Flak is outright broken when it comes to crits (Future updates have severely nerfed Flak). So this could be influencing my opinion greatly on this difficulty switch. But I’ll say that I had no reason not to play Mayhem 2, because for essentially no difficulty increase, the game started commonly dropping me blues, purples, and legendaries, while rarely spitting out a green.

At this point I had essentially had enough with the game, as my terrible, clunky inventory was constantly filling with valuables, and I had to make constant stops to dump stuff out of my inventory. Given this, the fact that Mayhem gave you a ludicrous amount of XP for very little difficulty on Mayhem 2, and a quick Google search about the raid bosses in the game, I’ve ultimately put the game down. I went from level 39 to 44 in the span of an hour, was being drowned in good loot, and the biggest sting of all: There are no raid bosses in the base game of Borderlands 3.

This is a massive review for a game that probably doesn’t deserve it. Borderlands 3 has a lot of ups and downs. It’s not a game that many people will enjoy for the story. Veteran players may have a distaste for the lack of an interesting end game. All in all, if you’re playing Borderlands 3, you’re probably playing it for the gunplay and the loot, which still, somewhat, hold up. I didn’t see how the game had a billion guns, but you know what, that’s alright. And after all of the controversy, and now that Gearbox is releasing patches, performance fixes, and balancing to the game, it’s not that bad of a game. The game just doesn’t strike me as the godlike triple A, return to Borderlands that many had hoped for. Overall, I would give the game a 6/10.

EDITOR'S NOTE: There used to be a video here demonstrating a supposed XP glitch that had occurred to me while playing through True Vault Hunter Mode while using Mayhem. It turns out that, at the time, this was an intentional mechanic for Mayhem to give you massive XP gains. To correct for this error, the video has been pulled from Youtube and this paragraph has been written, as well as all mentions of the XP glitch being pulled from this article.

-Count_

[heather-in-heels]

getting the hell out of student loan debt

I lost my job at the tail end of 2014. I always remember, in vivid detail, spending the week after New Year’s at the airport waiting for a 7 AM flight. Happy 2015 to me! I didn’t have a job. I didn’t have an income. I was on my way to moving back in with my parents. Days prior, I had sold off most of my possessions and gave away the rest to a local Goodwill. And I was returning home saddled with student loans totaling then at $56k. 

It felt like I had single-handedly destroyed my life. In retrospect, I think losing that job was the best thing that could have happened to me. 

I was home, sheltered and surrounded by loved ones. I was able to mentally regroup again. In between submitting resumes and job applications, I started writing in the advertising space which later ballooned into a big column. Later that year, I went back to work again full-time. 

I had more or less resigned myself in 2015 to the idea that my student loan debt would kind of be there forever. That changed in 2016, once I was working again and back on my feet. I started thinking critically about how I wanted to repay my loans. The minimum monthly payments, stretched across seven loans, totaled $653 a month. It was like a drop of water in a bucket. The account stagnated at $56k and didn’t move. 

The only way out of this debt was to work, the hardest in my life, and to sacrifice everything. And I did it, to pay off $56k in under a year in full.

Let me share an important disclaimer now: I’m not rich. I believe money is a fluid object, I’m willing to work hard, and I love a good investment. Education is an example of a great investment. Since I first shared this story, I’ve noticed former colleagues examining my LinkedIn profile like hawks. I know it’s because of the dollar sign attached to an extremely tight timeline. I suppose it’s understandable. When you do a great thing, a successful thing, people want to know how you did it. But most don’t want to put in the work. They want the cheat codes. 

The answer I made readily visible on social media the entire time! I was working. I worked nonstop. Working allowed me to create a series of nest eggs for myself. I lined them up in a row, knowing I needed each and every egg to go all in with my loan attack plan. I didn’t have much time, either. In mid-2016, I knew I wanted to stop making minimum payments and start full repayments in 2018. 

I had two thoughts going in:

1) I was convinced I could repay everything under the 10-year loan timeframe.

2) I would later set a bet for myself, inspired by a conversation with a late friend in 2018, that I could do this, all of it, in under a year.

So, I had less than two years to prepare. Fun! 

Rather than run through the laundry list of all the financial mistakes I made prior to hitting reset on my life (you name it, I did it), I’d like to share the best and worst things that happened to me during my repayment period.

BEST

I received an incredible bonus from my side hustle last year. It was for an event I worked myself brittle to the bone for months on top of my full-time job. I remembered being so nervous, thinking the event would be a bust. We sold out. It was a huge success. The bonus wasn’t something I asked for, just a thank you from my boss. I cried when I got it because it cleared one of my loans in full. It changed my life.

How quickly I shifted gears into thinking, believing, knowing I could do this. Once I got into the head space and knew what I had to do, I was ready to go all in. 

The ever-present daily support, encouragement, and love from my friends and family. I don’t know how I would have done it without them. I really don’t. The core family unit was there for the good, bad, and ugly. My Mom encouraging me to pay off the largest loan first and my three brothers telling me not to give up. And the crazy pep talk my Dad gave me in late April that convinced me I could run up to my remaining loans like an unhinged, insane person and blow them up to smithereens. 

He called me his champion after I was done. That made my year.

WORST

Deferring and defaulting on my loans when I didn’t have a job. (AKA the “all is lost” moment.)

Repaying the private loan of $26k. It was the biggest loan with the largest interest rate. My Mount Everest. You had to scale it bit by bit. I have likened the memory of it to chipping at a block of ice to create a sculpture. Every month, I threw a few grand at that loan while I tried to take out the little guys around it. It gradually decreased to around $12k and I paid it off in full then. This was not a fast process.

The massive wildfire I lived through during the bulk of repayments. That was like watching the “hold my beer” meme come to life. I joke about it now, but the Woolsey Fire was an absolute catastrophe. I had no way of knowing when I got into the thick of my loan repayments that I would be confronted with a natural disaster that came dangerously close to burning down my home. It was extremely scary to evacuate and watch your world hang in the balance for nearly a week. During the Woolsey Fire, I had no choice but to return to minimum repayments. I needed an emergency fund just in case — and this was the greatest emergency. 

Doing it alone. Somewhere in the back of my mind I think I always knew I would be alone for this. I didn’t have cosigners. A white knight spouse was not going to save me. I had to do it for “her.” I had to rely on myself for everything, harder than anything I’ve ever done in my life. And even though I went in as prepared as I possibly could have, I did not get out of this without being mentally and physically impacted.

The sheer amount of discipline involved was far too intense. You had to be determined, disciplined, optimistic, and driven at all times. There wasn’t time to rest. I was frantically trying to kill an impossible enemy and keep up the pacing all the time. The physical toll on my health was bad. Very bad. I developed anxiety that impacted my gastrointestinal health and had to take medication to calm my stomach down. I think it will be some time yet before everything gets better internally.

The mental toll was perhaps worse. Everything about my day to day life was a series of dollar signs. I was perpetually at war in my mind where I fantasized about stopping to rest in the snow, but every bit of me screamed “DON’T DO IT GET UP!!!” Because, y’know, when you nap in the snow, you can die there. 

I had all of these brain cells telling me to keep pushing ahead coupled with an insane range of emotions running through my head. The stress I was under was crippling. I cried during dinner with a friend last month. Straight up sobbing in public for over 30 minutes, unable to turn it off. It overpowered me.

I was so exhausted, on edge, and full of emotions. I couldn’t do anything about it — like get therapy or sign up for a yoga class — because that costs money. I wasn’t about to incur a credit card balance of any kind in my quest for financial freedom.

So yeah, it was a real mess upstairs. All alone... with my loans.

Would it ever end?

Paying My Loans Alone Might Have Been The Best Thing To Happen To Me

Yeah, you read that right.

I kept reminding myself about the why. Constantly. Asking myself little questions when the going was the roughest.

Why are you doing this? Because I don’t want to celebrate my 32nd birthday with a student loan statement.

Why are you doing this? Because I want my credit score to improve. 

Why are you doing this? Because you can’t tell me I made the wrong decision to get an education.

Why are you doing this? Because I am in love with myself and will not let that girl get hurt.

Why are you doing this? Because I am losing my future to debt and I know it.

The more I kept doing this, asking questions and answering them, the more I realized that the answers contained really important granular details. 

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to grow old with student loans (although let’s be real — I didn’t). I was, and still am, changing on the inside. I knew it. This was an entire chapter of my life that needed to come to a close because keeping it going was preventing every other chapter from beginning. Sitting around with it was, essentially, my long death in the snow. On a less serious note, I’m fond of the pop culture tie-in. Game of Thrones is ending this month... and so did my loan payments. 

I’d say it’s bittersweet, but it’s not. I’m not going to miss this part of my life. It’s time for the next chapter to start. If anything, I cannot wait for this part! This chapter will contain more journeys and adventures, unlike any other narrative I had before. 

I want to write a book, something non-fiction that has multiple drafts on my desktop and has been a work in progress for years. 

i want to get a ton of dental work. Priority number one.

I want to travel. I forgot how much I like to go to places! Italy and Monte Carlo, please. Miami for Ultra 2020. Travel will beget another kind of movement, too.

I plan to aggressively pursue true love to the extent I did with my loan repayments. In terms of personal goals, this one is going to be huge. After 10 years of dating, it’s time to get out of this single person clown car. I’m enlisting the help of my girlfriends, paying for eHarmony, and deleting the free dating apps for the real thing. Calling all soulmates — I’m debt free now and did it all on my own. That’s hot! (Serious inquiries only.) 

Paying off my loan allowed me to return to my dreams. Now that I know what I’m capable of, I feel confident I can reach each one. I really do.

Living starts when you get the hell out of student debt. Do whatever it takes now, remember to keep asking yourself about the “why,” and do not give up until you’re running past the finish line.

Be your own champion!