#and like wow! that is pretty indicative of how my mom just fucking is! i didn't get a fucking bedroom door till college

[reginaofdoctorwho]

i am the only bitch ever to consider rejecting someone because their mom is too nice. only unique experience (please prove me wrong with advice)

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Vickie wasn't immune to being bullied. It happened to her all the time. Her teeth were weird. She talked too much. Why does she have to have so many freckles? One time, she went quiet for a month when someone told her to shut the hell up. Vickie knows how annoying she can be sometimes, and she always tries to real it in, but it was difficult when she found something she was passionate about. Then, there were times when she had thought that she had made friends until she overheard them in the library.

"God, she's so annoying!"

"Do you hear the way she talks?"

"She's so boring!"

"Well, she's a ginger. She's got no soul!"

Vickie had run all the way home and swore never to return to school. Crying and laying in bed, she didn't understand why anyone ever hated her because all she ever did was try to be nice to people. Does everyone think about her this way? She had gone down to the store not far from her house and bought a bottle of hair dye. Maybe they would like her if she wasn't a ginger. It didn't turn out well. Her mother had returned home and rectified the situation. She always knew how to make things better.

"What are you thinking about?" Robin said as they continued to make peanut butter sandwiches.

They had been volunteering at the same station for the last couple of weeks. Whatever happened with the earthquake seemed to slowly be getting better, but it was still pretty rough. Vickie refused to leave, though even though she had this feeling on the back of her neck, a couple of days after, like something bad was going to happen but then it was gone like it had fixed it self or something. It wasn't the first time she had those feelings.

"My mom. I was thinking about my mom," Vickie said softly. "When she was alive."

"Oh, I didn't know. I'm sorry," Robin said.

"It's alright. I mean, I miss her like crazy. Of course. I was just thinking about the time I tried to dye my hair blonde because I got it into my head that people would like me more. I had these friends or I thought they were my friends. Apparently, I talked too much, and my hair was too red," Vickie said. "It turned green for some reason. I was terribly embarrassed, and when my mom came home, she had to cut my hair. Then she sat me down and said: 'fuck them and what they think.' It shocked me because she doesn't curse a whole lot, not that she had anything against it. She said that there's always going to be people who are always going to comment on the way you live, and that's not on you to make them change how they see you but it is up to you how you see yourself. It's up to you and you alone what you like to see in the mirror."

"Wow," Robin said. "Your mom sounds amazing."

"She was the best," Vickie said proudly and paused. "She would have liked you."

"Yeah?" Robin asked.

"Yeah."

"My mom likes to bowl," Robin blurted out. "I don't know why I said that. I mean, it's true that she does. Although, she hasn't been bowling since she got pregnant with me. She raised me by herself, you know. Single mom. She didn't know who my father was, which didn't say anything about her except that I think she's the best and I never needed a father. She would like you too. What?"

"I like that you ramble," Vickie said.

"Yeah?"

"You know, I could use a break," Vickie said as she took off her gloves.

She started to walk away, and she paused before looking at her shoulder at Robin. Vickie grinned and shook her head, indicating she wanted Robin to follow her. She walked out of the cafeteria and moved far enough down the hallway before moving into an empty closet. She heard the sound of footsteps.

"Vickie?" Robin hissed.

Vickie giggled before opening the closet door and pulling Robin inside. She had apparently yanked her too hard, and she was now pressed up against Vickie. She placed her hands on Robin's hips to stop her from moving back. Vickie moved her face closer to Robin's.

"Life is short, you know," Vickie whispered. "I don't want to regret not doing something that I really wanted to do. You know?"

She brushed her lips against Robin's softly and tentatively. Robin froze for a moment, and Vickie thought she messed up, but then Robin started kissing her back. It was wonderful. Robin cupped her neck, her fingers moving into her hair as her lips moved against Vickie's. They both smiled into the kiss. Vickie wrapped her arms around Robin's neck as she deepened the kiss while Robin moved her arms around her waist to support her. A giddy, warm feeling rose up from her stomach to her chest, and she broke the kiss. They leaned their foreheads together, giggling.

"This is better than any dream that I had," Robin said, biting her lip.

"You dreamed about me?" Vickie asked.

"Yeah."

"I dreamed about you too," Vickie said, and she grinned. "Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah," Robin said.

"I own my own copy of Fast Times," Vickie said.

"Why did you rent it?" She asked.

"I was trying to let you know that I like women without being obvious," Vickie replied.

"Oh my god," Robin laughed. "Steve was right."

"You talk about me with Steve Harrington?" She asked.

"He's my best friend in the whole world," Robin said. "My platonic soulmate."

"That sounds nice. I don't think I've ever had a best friend. I mean, I have friends but. . .that sounds nice," Vickie said.

"It is," Robin said. "And the video thing. . .so cute."

"Really?" Vickie asked.

"You're so cute," Robin said.

Robin kissed her cheek, rapid firing a bunch of kisses against it, causing Vickie to giggle. She began moving her lips down until they were attached to Vickie's neck. Vickie squeaked when Robin started nibbling at her neck, but she pulled her back in when Robin tried to pull away.

"Robin?" A young boy's voice rang out.

Robin and Vickie sprang apart.

"Who's that?" Vickie asked.

"Dustin Henderson. He's one of the kids that Steve and I platonically adopted," Robin said with a sigh, and Vickie's eyes twinkled.

"She's probably in the bathroom," they heard Steve tell him.

"They're going to keep looking for me," Robin groaned.

She cupped Vickie's face and kissed her deeply. Robin pulled away and grabbed a box of gloves off the shelf. She burst out of the closet, right next to them and causing them both to scream. Vickie followed and laughed at the look on their faces.

"What were you doing in the closet, Robin?!" Dustin exclaimed. "You scared the shit out of me and Steve!"

"Looking for gloves," Robin said, shaking the box at him. "What do you want?"

"Oh, they cleared Eddie of all charges!!" Dustin exclaimed.

"Shit! Seriously?!" Robin exclaimed.

"Yeah!"

"Yeah, they arrested Jason Carver," Dustin replied.

"I always thought there was something off about that guy," Vickie muttered. "I mean, Jason, not Eddie."

"Who is this?" Dustin asked, realizing there was someone else there.

"Vickie Fisher," she said, greeted with a smile and holding out her hand. "I like your shirt."

"It's Weird Al," Dustin said, looking at her suspiciously.

"I love Weird Al!" She exclaimed.

"I like you. Robin, I like your friend," Dustin said. "You're automatically my friend now, too. You can come with us to tell Eddie the news."

Dustin took off ahead of them, and Steve pinched the bridge of his nose with a sigh.

"He's adorable," Vickie laughed.

"His moms certainly think so," Robin said, and Steve sighed.

"His moms?" Vickie asked.

"Claudia, his real mom, and Steve," Robin said. "I am, of course, the dad."

"Of course, that makes sense," Vickie said seriously. "I always thought Steve looked like a mom."

"You know, Fisher, I was going to warn you about the hickey on your neck, but I think I changed my mind," Steve said.

Vickie giggled as she buttoned up the collar of her shirt to cover it. She looked at him seriously.

"By the way, I have nothing but honorable intentions with your platonic soulmate," Vickie said.

"That's good to know," Steve said in amusement.

"You were totally right about Phoebe Cates," Robin said.

"I already owned my own copy," Vickie said.

"So, why did you - oh, I see what you did. Nice," Steve said and high fived Vickie.

Robin rolled her eyes, but she was smiling.

"You really like me?" Vickie asked.

"Yeah, even if you do like Weird Al," Robin said teasingly and Vickie laughed.

"Oh my God, she would not stop talking about you. It was constant, nonstop," Steve rolled his eyes. "She even called you the girl of her dreams."

Vickie's eyes lit up as she gazed at Robin fondly. The smile dropped from her face as she realized something.

"Wait. . .Eddie's alive?!"

[danyluvyou]

Reaction to taking pictures of them <3

Stranger things edition

Pairings: the boys x gender neutral reader

Word count: 2k

Summary: scenarios with the boys! Fluff, maybe a smudge of angst in there. Just sweet writing that causes you to giggle.

Disclaimer: I don’t own stranger things, or any of the characters :( just the little things I can think

Steve Harrington

“This is some pretty good stuff, you sure your mom wants to sell them?”

I nodded, and turned around to find Steve donning a pink hat with feathers. Laughing at Steve, I quickly dig through the boxes of my mothers attic and find a Polaroid. Checking it and finding leftover film, I snap a picture of Steve as he finds more curious finds.

“I really like this, it’s very pink! What’s the deal with all the pink?” He said, a pink feathered scarf around his neck. Another snap and I giggle, as he puts on some white gloves.

“Don’t I look beautiful, my dear?”

A terrible British accent as he sashays around the attic, taking more snapshots of the sweet boy.

“Wow, the fairest of them all!” I replied as Steve flipped his hair, smiling like a dork as I held the Polaroid up for another snapshot.

“Hey! Who told you can do that?”

“Myself!”

He reached for the camera and I pulled back, squealing as he chased me around the dusty attic. Finally, catching up he pulls me by the waist and grabs the camera.

“So you thought you could escape me? Silly thing, what were you doing anyways?” He said looking over the Polaroid.

“Taking pictures of my beautiful boyfriend, why?” I replied as I took the Polaroid out of his hands. Looking back up at him, smiling.

“Beautiful?”

My smile widened, “yes, beautiful.”

“I’m not….I’m not beautiful, okay? I’m handsome!”

“You can be both things; beautiful and handsome. My beautiful and handsome boy.” Placing my hands on either side of his face, caressing his cheeks. “You’re my beautiful boy, Harrington. I wouldn’t know what to do without you.”

“You’re only saying that.”

“I mean it, my love.” Peering up, with love and adoration.

“God I love you.”

Billy Hargrove

It was the second day in a row Billy came over from his house in a hurry. Heated arguments and breaking things were another casual part of his day. I left my door unlocked as I knew he would be here again. Fumbling around with the new camera my dad gifted me, I waited. The sound of footsteps hitting the wooden boards of the stairs indicated he was here. With a loud bang, the door slammed and Billy threw himself on my bed.

“Hey, did it happen again?” I asked knowing the answer to my question as he propped himself up.

“I’m getting tired of it, this time I didn’t do anything wrong. I looked at him the wrong way, and he started shit again. I hate this fucking town.”

“Come over here.” I cooed as Billy willingly crawled over and laid his head on my lap. Running my fingers through his curls, I hummed. It was normal for this to happen, and I was used to easing his nerves. Once Billy let down his heavily guarded persona, he wasn’t that bad of a person.

“You don’t mean it.”

“Yes I do. California was perfect, then I had to move to this shit hole of a town and everything went to hell.” He said, anger rising in him. I sighed and lightly pulled my hands away from his hair.

“How about we change the subject? My parents just gifted me this, and I want to know how well it takes pictures. You don’t mind if I try it out on you?” I asked, showing him the camera as it gleamed through my window.

“I don’t feel like being your model for the day, find something else.” Pulling out the oldest trick in the book, I gave him the puppy dog eyes and he finally broke. He sat up and just stared. “What do you want me to do?”

“Act normal, pretend like I’m not even here.”

“Yeah sure, like there’s a camera in my face.” He grunted and I smacked him lightly on the arm.

“Be serious, and stop mean mugging the camera.”

He huffed a “fine” and he looked at the wall, relaxing a bit. Clicking a button, the camera snapped a picture and I smiled.

“See not so bad?”

“Yeah yeah, are we done now?”

“Not until I say so.” I said, tilting my head to the side, smiling.

He rolled his eyes and deadpanned the camera.

“Handsome.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Why not?” I asked, concentrating on focusing the camera on him. He looked heavenly, as the bright sun from the window enveloped him. A halo surrounded him and he looked like he came straight out of a movie.

“No reason.”

“You’re handsome and you know it. Where did my confident Billy go?”

He groaned and slowly started to smile.

“What did I say? Handsome.”

Fighting back a smile, and utterly failing he broke out in a wider grin. The sound of a click indicated I took the picture and Billy crawled forward.

“That’s enough! I think it’s time I take some of you, beautiful.”

“Hey! Don’t call me that!”

“I can call you whatever I want.”

Eddie Munson

“Smile!”

“Cheese!” Eddie pulled the biggest grin as he whipped around the trees.

Every time I got a new film, Eddie would take me out to Lovers Lake to photograph the animals. He always told me he enjoyed walking out every once in a while-if it was with me.

“You’re going to waste your film on me, take pictures of that deer over there.” Eddie shook his head, his hair flowing effortlessly.

“I don’t think I’m ‘wasting’ film if I’m taking pictures of a pretty boy. Besides, I already have enough pictures of deers, trees, mushrooms and even the lake!” I said stumbling over a branch. Noticing this, Eddie ran over and caught me.

“Careful, wouldn’t want to carry you out of here.”

“I don’t mind.”

“But I do.” He said as we stood still, and I went limp. Eddie immediately went into panic mode and I laughed as he held my dead weight.

“Don’t do that! That’s not funny!” His voice falling into a higher octave.

“It’s funny to me!”

He pouted and jutted his lip out. I smiled and with one hand, held his face. My thumb lovingly rubbing his cheek as he sighed.

“What a pretty boy.”

“I’m not pretty. You’re pretty.” He said, arm wrapping my waist and the other hand placed above mine.

“You’re prettier.”

“You’re prettier-er.”

“That’s not a real word.” I replied as he scoffed. “I think not.”

He swayed, still holding me close, humming his favorite tune.

“You’re beautiful.”

“Nope, you’re beautiful.” Countering back, as he kissed my hand.

“You’re handsome.”

“That I’ll take.” Dipping me down, he kissed my hand again all the way up to my arm. Sneaking small pecks all over my face as I continued to glow.

“My beautiful, pretty, handsome boy.”

“Keep talking, I’ll give you more.” Peppering me more with kisses, here and there.

“Can I take more pictures of you?”

“Don’t you have enough?”

“Never.” I said slowly pulling myself away from him. He smiled as he leaned against a tree.

“How do you want this? Like this?” He flexed, turned around and held an air guitar. Trying many different poses, which in turn continued to make me laugh.

“How about you act like yourself big guy.”

Eddie walked towards me, stuck his tongue out. I held my camera up and snapped a picture.

“For every picture you take, I’ll give you a kiss.”

“So, if I take a hundred, I’ll get a hundred kisses?”

“Only if you pay for that much film.” Eddie thought about it and nodded.

“You know, I want a candid picture. One where you’re shy. I don’t have one like that.”

“How do you get that?” He asked, walking towards me.

“I love you my sweet boy.”

Bright red and stopped dead in his tracks. With one snap, I captured a deer in the headlights. Eddie blinked in utter confusion.

“I got it.” I smiled as Eddie blinked again.

“You little vixen!” He yelled and ran towards me, wrapping me in his grip.

“I love you Munson! I love you so so much!” I yelped as he attacked me with kisses. “Wait- you only took three pictures!”

“These are my kisses!”

“No- stop! That tickles!”

“I’m never letting you go now, sweetheart. Not now, not ever!”

Jonathan Byers

The Byers home was oddly quiet for a Friday, especially in the morning. The smell of eggs and bacon sizzling on the stove as Jonathan made breakfast for me and Will. Joyce was out on a date for the weekend, and decided it was best to leave Jonathan as the main command.

“If you could be a color, what would it be?”

“I think all colors are great, I couldn’t choose just one.” Will said as he finished his drawing and passed it to me, as I did likewise.

“What’s your favorite day of the week?”

“Tuesdays.”

I nodded and added mushrooms to the forest that Will drew before.

“If you could choose to sleep in or stay up all night, what would you do?”

“Stay up all night to play dnd.” Will passed me my drawing back and put his hand over my eyes. I did the same, and we held up our drawings. A snap and bright light flashed as Jonathan took a picture of the moments unfolding. Will and I giggled as we took our hands off of eachothers eyes as we saw our masterpieces.

Will’s mixed drawing contained a magical forest, in the middle, were me and him. As “Will the wise” and the mysterious dragon slayer. My drawing contained him, Jonathan, Joyce and I putting a puzzle together. Jonathan smiled as he called Will over to the dinner table.

“You’ve got to come over more often.” He said, wrapping an arm around my waist as Will ate his breakfast.

“You know I can’t, the animal shelter needs a helper with all the animals running loose in Hawkins.” I said, patting down the collar of his brown collared shirt.

“I should take a few pictures of it, maybe I can get my bosses to write an article about the shelter. You can have more volunteers and I can have more time with you.”

“That sounds like a great idea. But your bosses are jerks and I doubt they would even consider that.” I said, pecking his cheek as Will came over to hand me his drawing and grabbed mine to hang on the fridge.

“I’m going to Mike’s if that’s okay.” Said Will as Jonathan hesitated, I rubbed his back in soft circles.

“Only if you’re back before nine.” Jonathan said, Will nodding as he grabbed his jacket, wallet, flashlight and walkie talkie. With that he left and shut the door behind as Jonathan sighed.

“He’ll be okay, love.” Kissing his cheek once again, and parting from him to grab Will’s dirty dishes.

“I can do that.” Grabbing the dishes from my hand and washing them himself, I took the time to grab Jonathan’s camera.

I snuck up behind him and took a picture, the shutter signaling the picture being taken.

“Stop. Don’t do that.”

“Why not? Afraid I’m going to break it?” I taunted as Jonathan finished the dishes, he turned around.

“No, I don’t like my picture being taken. Now put that down before I wipe my dirty wet hands on you”. I made a fake gagging sound as I put his camera down. Jonathan wiped his hands and walked over to me, letting his eyes linger on my face.

“Have I told you how lucky I am to have met you?”

“Countless times.” I said, wrapping my arms around his neck, silently grabbing the camera placed beside him.

“Put it down.”

I shook my head no, and angled the camera. “What is it called when you take your own picture?” I asked Jonathan, unhappy at my actions.

“Well it’s of yourself, so I’m guessing a self-ie? Selfie?”

I took a picture as I stuck my tongue out, the flash burning my eyes as Jonathan snatched his camera out of my hands.

“I need to hide this before you get a hold of it again.”

“Why don’t you let me take pictures of you?” I whined, Jonathan was still unhappy .

“I told you already, I don’t like my picture being taken.”

“Well you should at least take a picture or two of you. How can I have one if you don’t let me take one of you?”

He sighed, and pondered for a bit. “Only if you let me choose what movie we’re watching tonight.”

“Is that all?“ I asked as he nodded, reluctantly handing me the camera.

“What do you want me to do?” He asked, propping his chin on his hand while leaning on the kitchen table.

“Exactly that. Now just look casually.”

“I don’t want to do this anymore.” He said as he looked away.”

“How about, you look at me then. Look at me the way I look at you.” He looked back at me and his eyes softened, filled with love.

Snapping two pictures quickly, Jonathan perks up and strides over to me. Already taking the camera out of my hands, he crashed his lips onto mine. Pulling away from a short kiss, he shied away.

“That’s the last time you’re using my camera.”

“Why? You looked great!”

“I don’t like my pictures.” He mumbled as I caressed his face.

“I think you’re absolutely gorgeous Jonathan Byers. Don’t ever change that.” I said, pecking his lips, a rosy red tinting his face.

“Stop it!”

I smiled and Jonathan picked me up, spinning me around.

“You’re gonna be the death of me!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi guys- this is my first time writing something like this and I hope you enjoy it! Yes it was speed wrote, but I delivered it <3 if you enjoyed this and would like more? I don’t mind :)

(P.S I also tried to make them as long and equally written for each character. I’m sorry if some had more or less- I’ll do my best next time)

[boypussydilf]

can i ask for your thoughts on keron society? i cannot stop thinking about this little nightmare planet

NIGHTMARE PLANET FOR REAL!!!!!! GOD!!!!!!!!

i work best with guiding/prompting questions so in the absence of those i will just ramble about shit until i cant recall any more of my thoughts so this might be strange and disjointed 👍

im obsessed w keron society so i keep an eye out for canon indications of What It’s Like so here’s my list of canon keron society trivia i remember off the top of my head: they have military training schools for elementary school age children. more specifically, they seem to have almost exclusively if not actually exclusively military training schools, i.e., i dont know if theres any mention of non-military schools of any kind and the way characters talk about it indicates that Military Training Schools are the schools everyone goes to by Default. In fact! overall! keron society seems to be built on the military, run by the military, and almost entirely comprised of the military. It’s not necessarily unusual for most of the keronians we meet to be part of the army since all of our Main Characters are part of the army and we’re therefore seeing the world From Their Perspective but uh. I think “join the army” is straight up the default, expected life path on keron and anything else is a noteworthy Deviation. My evidence: when putata first shows up giroro immediately assumes that he’s part of the army and asks for his rank even though like,. “being a keronian on earth” really does NOT automatically correlate to being there as part of the military, by that point we’ve at least met… Well, by that point i’m pretty sure we’ve at least met dororo’s mom, who as far as I can tell isn’t part of the keron army at least anymore, so you know………. Point IS: all signs I’ve noticed point to: Keron is founded on its military. The majority of its population is part of its military. It’s a military society. Fucked up right?

SPEAKING OF THE SHURARA CORPS. *GESTURES TO GIRURU AND DOKUKU* FUCKED UP RIGHT ??????????? I’ve already kind of forgotten the EXACT details as they go over them in the dokuku episode but context if any of my non-keroro followers are reading this heres how i remember it: (*resists the urge to go rewatch that part of the episode to double check*) giruru and dokuku are brothers, they were experimented on by, i believe, the fucking military again, and turned into A Liquid and A Gas respectively, and this is explicitly framed as “wow! fucked up! both of their lives were literally RUINED and they DO NOT WANT THIS”. HUH? Also what’s with dokuku being specifically called like the first gas keronian THEY MADE MORE? LIKE OF COURSE THEY MADE MORE BUT ??? UNETHICAL KERONIAN EXPERIMENTATION CANON.

SPEAKING OF THAT HEY WHATS UP WITH THE CLONING THING. No literally, what’s up with the cloning thing. The garuru platoon arc in the manga explains it pretty concisely, platoon commanders get their fucking DNA saved so that if they’re ever deemed unfit for command in any way by the Keron army they can be REPLACED WITH A CLONE OF THEMSELF and then DE-AGED TO A POINT IN THEIR LIFE LONG BEFORE THEY WERE CONSIDERED UNFIT TO COMMAND AND THE ORIGINAL IS PUT ASIDE AS PART OF THE RESERVE FORCES. The manga also says somewhere that keroro is the 315th. THE THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTEENTH K66 TYPE KERONIAN. HEY WHAT? GUYS ARE YOU GONNA ELABORATE ON THAT? NO? NO? I mean, maybe they do in some way. But probably not. I don’t know.

*falls to my knees and punches the floor* keron society is incredibly fucked up. I think literally everyone on that planet needs therapy. I also get the feeling that Planet “Every Single Person Born Here Is Going To Join Our Military While Still A Literal Child, Correct? Awesome!” does not have great resources for coping with any trauma or anything else induced by their military. I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s FASCINATING. Studying the nightmare planet as a means to study the main characters. Studying the nightmare planet and desperately wishing we had more information about it. I want to watch this shitshow up close and in action. It’s bad. It is bad. Fucked up planet from hell. Dear God.

anyway this post is already long and i have to go soon but here’s a lightning round list of theories vaguely related to “the keroro of “back then”” and the question of how the Fuck sergeant procrastination-and-french-fries has been genuinely trusted with an entire platoon and the invasion of an entire planet

keroro puts his energy towards things he finds Fun and at one point he found being part of the army Fun enough to give it his full and genuine attention and earn a reputation as someone competent and capable before he stopped finding it particularly Fun and stopped really giving a shit or trying very hard. (aka, Keroro is Space Neurodivergent, which is true anyway)

there’s an episode of the anime where keroro’s dad saves the whole platoon, completely unknowingly, by complete accident, while also drunk off his ass. What if he’s always like that. Competent on accident. What if Keroro is also like that. He did a bunch of cool shit, but like, just kind of stumbled into it without meaning to or really realizing what he was doing.

Nepotism

I’m out of time. I should probably put this post under a readmore but i. won’t <3

[mcalhenwrites]

We're still not ready for the "there are plenty of queer creations out there, and if you supported them, you'd see even more" conversation, are we? Seems like we're not. This extends to f/f content as well. It would involve supporting indie creators more, and the goals are more often "I want my queer or f/f ship to be canon and have lots of fanart" or "I want people to really like the work I make and for everything to center around my ideas of what should exist" and not so much about celebrating queer creations we might enjoy. (And let's face it, we won't always enjoy some of it.) But let's paint it as other people having moral failings or being hateful in some way, right? /sarcasm

I favor m/m in my writing (both original and fic). I'm a trans man and have been out since before I dipped my toes in fandom. I came out as trans in late 2003. I didn't know what yaoi was. I barely had any access to representation, and I latched onto the scraps I could find. Sunday nights, I huddled in front of a muted 13" television screen in a corner of my room, closed captioning on so I knew what was being said, using a blanket hanging from my bunk bed to hide it in case my mom decided to walk in. What was I watching? Queer as Folk. (US version.) It honestly changed my life. Getting online more and more later on introduced me to fandom, and that introduced me to a whole world of queer works. I was thrilled! It didn't matter if I didn't like some of it. I would sift through yaoi and yuri until I found the stuff I did like. But guess which one I spent more time on? I write a lot of BL. It's not really anyone's business, though. It shouldn't be the sole indicator that there's a moral failing here or that I hate f/f. I write too much f/f for that to be true, but I'll go into why saying that doesn't actually matter in a little bit. I have a hard time listening to people who make up excuses for why they never read books or even sometimes other people's fanfiction, but oh hey, here's my writing and it's actual representation, and I wish more fanart of my ships existed! And then they cry that there's nothing out there. And claim the love of BL as the true enemy.

...So fun fact, I own a lot of queer books. A lot of books in general. But lots are queer.

This is a haul of like 90% of the books I got last year:

It'll be tough to see a lot of the titles in this giant pile, but... There are a lot of queer relationships depicted in these books. This is barely a chip in my wishlist of queer books I'd like to read! (Most of these were gifts or secondhand, because I'm pretty broke.) And out of them, wow, some f/f happens to be there! Either as main characters or side characters. As canon ships. (But even if there wasn't any f/f there, you don't know who I've kissed in my life, the people I've loved, the people I wish I could've been with. You don't know my personal values, the improvements I want for the world. You don't know shit about me by finding out I like to read, write, and watch BL. And I don't owe you any of the reasons.) The point of this post and that image, however, is to say that queer creations fucking exist in large numbers. There's hardly a shortage. I'm crying at how little I can keep up with it these days, especially in a scary world with book bannings and little shits wanting the Hays code back. And here's the deal: creators get shafted. Sometimes, they have to quit creating (as much or at all) just to make a living. Some post on AO3 (cough) because fandom is wonderfully transformative and we have some itches to scratch. Being supportive is always better than tearing them down. And when you start uplifting the work you like, instead of yelling about the stuff you don't, suddenly there are publishers and film makers taking note. They're recognizing what's in demand. In many ways, they've already started to. (Although you should probably keep supporting artists and be wary of companies, but sometimes companies uplift important artists and that's cool too.) Your friends and online circles are seeing these titles and characters and ships and might even find themselves intrigued. But when you just yell about stuff that's not going the way you want it to, it's actually satisfactory to deny it to you. I'm not big on giving entitled people the content they crave. I do what I want, and I have been known to keep my work to myself because of demands and complaints. I don't stop creating, but it's not yours to have, it's mine. Some people just get tired of the harassment and sweeping generalizations about the kind of person they are, because innocuous creations are blown out of proportion by people with their own agendas. Some people create more of what you might hate out of spite. Others give up sharing, because while everyone is focusing on all the things they hate, that person's creations that might've been up your alley gets fucking buried. Ignored. And then they don't really see the point in sharing. In a world that is brimming with hate, where some people do using writing to profit on hate (jerkoffrolling), maybe your enemy isn't... people (queer or not, none of your business btw) creating queer art!

[besidesitstoowarm]

"Aliens of Londons" thoughts

okay i thought this one was good. sorry

this is the first of many episodes that deal with the fallout the companions leave behind when they up and dust with the doctor. iirc they basically didn't address this with a lot of classic companions bc it would get inconvenient, especially in the era before reruns (or even. keeping the GODDAMN TAPES). it's handled well. the "family issues" stuff can get annoying at times iirc, i just don't care that much (this is true for all of new who, not just davies era)

so i think it's nice the doctor is willing, even happy, to take rose home quick to say hi to her mom and not let her worry too much. obviously it doesn't work out as planned. classic tardis. the cop asks if "companion" indicates a sexual relationship and nine looks at rose before they both answer "no" at the same time. when they're talking on the roof later he's being a little cheeky and she says "you're so gay" which i have never seen mentioned anywhere and did not recall happening. rose? hello????

hi tosh. i'm sorry torchwood is a bad show

i didn't remember the pig tbh. i like him. i feel sorry for him. when the doctor explains later that he's not an alien, just a fucked up regular pig "he must have been terrified" man that's sad. poor guy

one of the signs the doctor passes on the way to the crash says "ELLO E.T." i just want to mention this

the doctor is working with the military for once. i'm taking it as a sign of how recently he was in a war himself, and has not yet remembered how much he hates it. we get a unit name drop in this ep, which is nice. i miss the brig. none of these people have a stache remotely comparable

i feel so bad for mickey in this one. it must have killed him to hear "he's not my boyfriend, he's better than that, he's much more important" like wow rose. people shit on mickey (or used to? idk what the current mood is) for being "annoying" but he's the only one being remotely reasonable about the whole situation. i guess jackie too

so i don't know anything about uk politics except that a former prime minister formerly fucked a pig, which is. cool. but this is a very post-9/11 ep for sure, not as explicit as twelve's zygon two-parter in its allegory but also it's a lot better imo. the line about how 3 people have been killed bc they were mistaken for aliens, how the real aliens are hiding in british parliament, invasion as distraction. it's pretty self-explanatory, i like it a lot

i'm going to go on record saying i like the slitheen design. they are friend-shaped, to me. fat faces. i'd like to squish them. i want to know where they got their lip filler done, it looks fab. i will say i am quite tolerant of this show being stupid but i can't take all the farting. some is fine but i can't handle this much. not as bad as i remember tho

[nat-20s]

for @jonmartinweek day 8! (which I definitely realized was happening and for sure did not forget lmao). The prompt was free day/au, so I picked my own theme of “pets”. The last few fics have been pretty loaded, so please enjoy some pure post canon (literal and figurative) fluff

~*~

“I can’t believe I married a dog person.”

They weren’t even supposed to be in the shelter. They had made no plans to visit a shelter. However, as Jon has been learning over the course of the past couple years, a Martin not under duress and given free time outside will inevitably end up trying to befriend any living nonhuman creature in the immediate vicinity.

“I’m not a dog person.”

“The lapful of beagle puppy would indicate otherwise.”

“Just because I appreciate the company of a very good boy, yes you are, doesn’t mean I’m a dog person. Dog person implies I have a preference. I like cats equally as much as I like dogs. Unlike some of us, my heart is open to all manner of furry friends.”

“I don’t...hate dogs.”

“Uh-huh. Is that why you won’t pet Rufio here?”

“He’s nippy, I don’t trust him. And it’s just that dogs are A Lot. I find most of them a bit overwhelming. And needy.”

“Pff, that’s no excuse. You’ve been best friends with overwhelming, and you married needy.”

Martin lets out a distracted giggle as Rufio finally gets in a lick on his face. Okay, maybe it is a pretty adorable sight, but that’s hardly sufficient enough evidence to actually let such an energetic ball of fluff into their home. Still, it’s enough to convince Jon to sit down next to them, and give Rufio a very tentative scritch behind the ears. “I think we both qualify as the needy one in our relationship.”

“Pretty sure that’s called codependency. What would our therapist say?”

“She’d probably say that’s a bit harsh. And that we still need to work on our separation anxiety.”

“Hey, you know what helps with separation anxiety?”

“No.”

“A dog!”

“No!”

They get a dog. Their flat is decently sized and they both have steady incomes and enough free time between them to take proper care of her. They don’t get Rufio, but instead a 7 year old mutt named Daffodil who is, admittedly, the most gentle and sweet creature Jon’s ever met. They also get a cat, a rambunctious 2 year old tabby named Jack (“We can change the name.” “Jon! How dare you! Jack responds to his name, clearly he likes it!”) who had already decided Daffodil was his mom, and they couldn’t possibly bear not adopting them together.

~*~

“You know, we could get a tarantula.”

“Fuck off.”

“I’m serious! They’re not, like, evil in this universe, and some of them have cutest little pink toesie woesies.”

“You’re not serious, you’re being a bastard, and I hate you.”

Martin wraps his arms around Jon’s waist and presses a kiss to the side of his face, which Jon gives a half-hearted swat at, because, again, the man’s being a bastard. Stubbornly ignoring Jon’s pout, Martin presses his cheek to the top of Jon’s head, cheerfully replying, “I’m fine with that, as long as you promise to hate me for the rest of our lives.”

“Well, I certainly can’t make that promise. I won’t even hate you ten seconds from now. I suppose you’ll have to settle for love instead.”

“Hmm. Deal.”

“We’re still not getting a fucking tarantula.”

They do not get a tarantula. Their home remains admirably spider free.

~*~

Martin’s gasp is loud enough to echo, and Jon can feel him begin to vibrate next to him. The excitement is perplexing at first, they’ve been to this bookstore dozens of times, and it’s never elicited this sort of response. Then Jon looks over to the front counter, where a medium-sized cage and a “For adoption” sign have been put on display. With a wild, jubilant glee, Martin asks, “Sonja! Are those baby. Dumbo. Rats?!”

“Sure are! I’ve got a friend who’s a breeder, I take it you’re interested?”

“Yes, absolutely, 100%, we’re getting two immediately.”

“Well…”

Martin snaps his head over to look at Jon with a look of betrayal the likes of which Jon hasn’t seen since the panopticon. “Jonathan, no!”

“Um.”

“You can not tell me you you don’t like rats! Dumbo rats especially!”

“I…”

Ticking off on his fingers, Martin lists, “They’re adorable, they’re smart, they’re cleanly, they’re extremely empathetic, they’re tickilish, which is stupidly cute, they can be trained to use a litter box and do tricks, they’re snuggly and playful and perfect! They’re all the good parts of dogs combined with the best parts of cats in one tiny portable package! Look at their little ears, that are like that because of a slight difference in skull shape that has no negative health effects! Plus, we can set them up in the project room, since Captain Jack isn’t allowed in there anyway. How can you dislike rats?”

“I don’t know! They just sort of..freak me out. Or not all of them, just their feet. I don’t like their little man hands.”

Martin throws his arms in the air, proclaiming, “Their little man hands are one of their best qualities! Look, Jon, are you genuinely afraid of them, or just slightly discomfited?”

“I would say mediumly discomfited. This isn’t like spiders.”

“Cool. ‘Cause in that case, we’re getting the light tan one and the solid white one, their names shall be Peaches and Cream, and you will love them as much as you love our dog and cat children.”

“That’s a rather bold claim.”

“It’s an accurate one. You’ll see.”

Within a week, Jon is transporting Peaches ‘n’ Cream in the pocket of his hoodie, and he can feel Martin’s smug aura from two rooms away. Damn him.

~*~

“Did you know snakes don’t have an amygdala?”

“Okay? You didn’t have to bring me to a reptile store to tell me that.”

“I didn’t bring you to a reptile store to tell you that. I brought you to a reptile store because I want to hold a cornsnake.”

Jon rolls his eyes, but the fondness in his voice somewhat undercuts it. “Of course you do.”

Martin makes a scaly acquaintance in less than two minutes, and as the snake coils around his fingers, he continues, “Anyway, if they don’t have amygladas, do they feel fear in a way similar to us, or is it only a recognition of threats and instinctual response?”

“Martin, my love, I have no idea. Is this going somewhere? It’s fine if not, I’m just checking in.”

“Yes. Because if they don’t feel fear, I’m getting this snake and naming her Georgie.”

That makes Jon let out a sharp bark of laugh, and, for a moment, he’s able to reminisce without any pain. “You know, I think she’d actually love that? She also had a proclivity for all creatures great and small. And a terrible sense of humor.”

“Wow, you really have a type, huh. Also hey! My sense of humor is fantastic! It always makes my husband laugh, and he has very exacting standards.”

“Liar. Your husband finds joy with you at the slightest provocation, no good sense of humor needed.”

“Hmm. He is a bit of a softie, isn’t he? Which is why he’ll let me get this snake.”

“He most certainly will not.”

“But….look at her….”

“It’s not a matter of how cute she is, dear. It’s a matter of you made us get pet rats less than a month ago, there’s absolutely no way you’re going to be able to feed mice to a snake.”

Martin looks at the cornsnake, looks at Jon, looks back, and his shoulders slump. With a wince, he asks, “Maybe frozen mice won’t be too bad?”

“What if she’s picky?”

“...There are species of snake that only eat bugs.”

“Cornsnakes aren’t one of them.”

Waving over an assistant, Martin puts the cornsnake back with a defeated, “Fine. When you’re right, you’re right.”

Jon doesn’t particularly feel like he’s won an argument. In fact, he’s a bit disappointed himself, he always liked snakes. Big fan of reptiles in general, actually, which is probably what drives him to say, “Lizards don’t usually eat mice.”

That’s how they walk out of the store with three leopard geckos.

~*~

Jon’s helping Martin set up the gecko tank in what can now be affectionately called a zoo when all of the sudden it strikes him. Some of the animals in their home right now have life spans of 10-20 years, and never once had the necessary longevity of care come up as a reason to protest against them. Jon had felt so at ease with the concept of a future that he hadn’t even thought about it, hadn’t been steeling himself for the other shoe to drop. He’s stopped having bated breath every time something good happens, instead taking reassurance in a sense of permanence that he wasn’t sure he’d ever feel again. Martin must hear his breath hitch, because he immediately stops what he’s doing to take Jon’s hand into his own. “Something wrong, love?”

Jon shakes his head. “No, nothing. I suppose I’m realizing that we have time, don’t we?”

Martin must know exactly what he means, the weight behind the words, because he brings Jon’s hand to his lips and says, “Yes. Yes, we really, really do.”

[from-a-reckless-writer]

They were fighting.

In the DEO.

Again.

“Moms fighting again?” Nia casually leans on the desk next to Brainy, who is currently hunched over some screen. 

“It appears so,” He answers, not really paying attention. In the distance you can hear yelling and the tell-tale woosh of a cape. 

Nia had removed her comms the moment Supergirl spotted Lena Luthor on the field. She’s pretty sure half of the agents did the same. They all knew what was coming. 

And well, if the approaching bickering were any indication... 

“I had it covered!”

“Yes, because an on-coming missile with your name on it was you having it covered, clearly.”

“I saved ten lives today, Supergirl. Jealous you only saved three?”

“It isn’t about that and you know it.”

Nia sees Alex stride in, obviously going in for an attempt to pacify Supergirl. 

And also because it was partly Alex’s idea to send Lena with the Alpha team, in her defense Lena was the only person she could trust enough not to tamper with the device.

“Come on, Supergirl, Lena is more than capable in the field and she volunteered. She saved the day, you kno—”

“Butt out of this, Alex.” Supergirl grits out, too busy staring Lena down to even spare her sister a glance. 

“Sorry?” Alex scoffs, shocked at how easy she was brushed aside. She was tempted to pull rank and use the ‘I’m the Director, here.’ card, if she was being honest.

“No, Alex is right,” Lena points out, “I did save the day. Time for you to acknowledge that the both of us are just as capable as the other. And if saving the day means getting in the line of fire, then so be it.”

“This isn’t about you being incapable-”

“Then tell me what exactly is it about?”

Supergirl licks her lips, swallows and Lena braces herself for another retort but instead she fixes her with a stare that only Supergirl reserves for the bad guys and coolly states, “You are not to go out in the field and that’s final.”

She turns to walk out but Lena’s temper just skyrocketed tenfold. 

“Wow. You did not just say that to my face.” There was something in the way that Lena Luthor’s voice dropped that made Supergirl turn around. DEO agents are openly watching on now, not even bothering at subtlety anymore. The two women fighting in front of the whole agency certainly haven’t tried subtle at all. 

“Let’s make something clear here, Supergirl,” Lena fumed,  “This is my life and I get to call the shots. You don’t get a say in what I decide to do or not to do. Who the hell do you think you are?”

“I don’t have a say? Rao, sorry my mistake! Forgive me for thinking that my sharing a last name with you means a cent to you as much as it does to me. You’re right, who the hell am I anyway? Sorry for wanting to keep you alive.”

Supergirl is breathing heavily two inches away from Lena’s face. Heat and anger rolling off the both of them in waves. They’re in a world of their own now. A world in which Lena is having trouble deciding on whether she should scream some more or pull Supergirl’s lips into her own. 

“Im sorry- Last name?” 

The voice wakes them to reality. A reality that makes both of them sober up and realize they’re in the middle of a very exposed DEO headquarters; makes them aware of the collective gasp that has just happened. 

Supergirl backs away. 

“Please, fucking tell me that I heard you wrong. Or I swear to God-”

Alex heads straight for Supergirl and Lena quickly realizes the implications of what Supergirl had just said. She essentially confirmed to the entire place that they’re— 

“Alex, I can—”

“Yes or no, are you or are you not married?”

So, this is how Alex Danvers makes criminals confess. Lena had never seen Supergirl cower before, but by the looks of it, if Lena had been the one in the hero’s boots she’d also be shaking. 

“Yes.”

Oh, no. 

“Alex, listen,” Lena starts and Supergirl looks at her—no, not Supergirl, Kara—Kara looks at her and Lena sends her a reassuring gaze that screams, ‘I’m with you.’

In that instant it must’ve looked like a switch had been flipped. From Lena attacking Kara to Lena defending Kara in a split second. 

“Listen, we were going to tell you. It isn’t like what you think—“

“Oh, no no,” Alex quickly dismisses Lena, “I’m not going to listen to you. This is between me and you,” Alex hissed not even looking at her, directly glaring at Supergirl instead. 

“Alex, just—” Lena tries but she does the mistake of moving her shoulder in an attempt to put an arm on Alex and she cuts off with a, “Fuck.”

The Danvers sisters look up at her yelp of pain, concern flickering through their faces. Supergirl swiftly speeding to her side, and the shoulder wound she was so trying so hard to keep Kara from seeing, is now out in the open, bleeding profusely. 

“You’re hurt.”

“Fuck,” Lena says again as she tries to take in a breath, pain shooting down her entire right side. 

“Take her to the Med Bay,” Alex orders, eyes briefly tracing Lena’s shoulder before turning to Supergirl again, “If you think this discussion is over, you’re sorely mistaken. You and I have a lot to talk about. And I fucking mean it.”

Lena watches as Supergirl swallows in fear at the sight of the DEO director walking out. 

“Everybody, back to work! Show’s over, morons!”

As if somebody had hit the play button, a buzz resumes almost exaggeratedly; DEO agents immediately flailing to get back to work, embarrassed at being called out so blatantly. 

Lena tunes back in to Kara, “C’mon, hold on to me,” she mumbles, quickly bending down to put an arm around Lena’s knees and pulls her to a bridal carry. 

She doesn’t point out that it’s her shoulder that was injured, not her legs; doesn’t point out that she can walk absolutely fine. Lena can clearly see how Supergirl needs to be as close to her as possible right now. 

So, she clings tightly and presses harder back against her chest.

*** 

Lena’s mind is running a mile a minute right now, she needs to know what’s going in her wife’s mind and she needs a plan on how the both of them are going to do damage control. 

Kara lays her down softly on a Med bed and without a word Lena strips herself off. 

Both of them silent as Kara gets supplies on a nearby table. She sits behind Lena and cleans the wound wordlessly. She’s patched Nia up in secret, way too many times, to know how many stitches Lena needs.

“I’m still mad at you.”

Are the first words that Kara utters.

“Good. I’m still mad at you too.”

She hears Kara sigh and she doesn’t need to turn around to know that Kara’s face is scrunched up in a pout and a crinkle. 

“But...that doesn’t mean I won’t protect you against Alex.”

“I don’t need protection from Alex.”

“Really?”

“Okay, fine she scared me a bit.”

Before Lena can reply she hisses in pain and Kara brings her lips near the wound and “Sorry,” she whispers. 

“We have to talk about this don’t we?” Kara sighs out, finally addressing the elephant in the room.

“Yes, darling, we do.”

“We also have to reach a compromise about this, don’t we?”

“Yeah, Kara, yeah we do.”

Lena hears another sigh and she can guess what Kara would say next.

“Just so you know, I hate this. I hate this very much. If I could have my way, we’re not having this discussion and you’re staying put and staying safe and not running off to danger. Hell if I can have it my way you won’t even be stepping inside the DEO. But...I can’t have my way can’t I?”

“No, darling, I’m sorry.”

Kara sounds so helpless and Lena just wants to make all the complications in their relationship go away. But that’s not how real life relationships work. Relationships are hard and messy and work. God, they are so much work, but being with Kara is worth all the work in the world. They’ve come a long, long way for this. 

If this had happened two years ago, the both of them would not even think about compromise. Kara would just push through with what she believes is the best way to keep Lena safe and would have insisted on keeping Lena locked in a safe house somewhere. And she guesses past Lena wouldn’t even consider the merits of communication with Kara, either.

“I just want you safe.”

“I know.”

“Never want to see you hurt.”

“I know, baby. But Kara you can’t always keep me safe, do you understand that?” Lena says carefully, she wishes she could turn around right now and cup Kara’s face.

“I know it’s hard for you, but this is what the both of us signed up for. Do you think I’m happy whenever you fly off to God knows where, when I see getting shot at in the news, when you leave in the middle of the night? I’m just as scared as you are, Kara.”

But that’s the price the both of them have to pay for falling in love when one is a super hero and the other is a world saving genius.

Kara bandages her neatly and Lena turns around to face her, moving a bit up in the bed and pulls gently at Kara’s wrist to join her.

“I know,” Kara breathes into Lena’s hair as she positions herself,  “I’m sorry. For fighting, for yelling, for...accidentally telling everyone that we’re married.”

Lena tries not to laugh at how Kara pouts at the last one. 

“Forgiven already. I’m sorry too.”

“I love you, you know that?”

She feels more that hears as she fits herself underneath Kara’s chin, tucked tight beside her. 

“I love you too, so, so much. So much that I agreed to a secret wedding,” Lena tells her, “And as much as I would love to continue our little heart to heart, I really think you should go to your sister now.”

“Nooo, Lena noo,” Kara groans out, “Come on, we can just stay here and cuddle and I can kiss your shoulder better and maybe you can give me a kiss too and I don’t have to talk to Alex.”

“Oh, but you do.”

“Have I mentioned I also hate when you’re right?”

“Once or twice.”

“Mmph. Fine. But half an hour of cuddles first and then I go talk to Alex, deal?” 

“Deal.” 

Lena agrees, greedy for Kara’s warmth and also thinking that Alex certainly needs more than half an hour to cool off. Kara certainly needs more than that to think about the words she’s going to tell her sister. She’ll probably die by the end of their conversation but at least she died knowing that the whole world knows Lena Luthor is her wife, right?

***

“Alex, I know you’re mad-”

“Oh, I’m not mad, I’m livid, Kara. Livid.”

Maybe it was a bad idea to talk to Alex in an empty DEO training room where her sister could easily turn on red sunlamps and deck her for keeping things secret.

“What, did it not occur to that, oh I don’t know? ‘Oh I’m having a wedding maybe I should text my sister an update? Leave her a note maybe? Dear Alex I’m getting married today!’” Alex roars and Kara flinches. Rao how could she be this stupid?

“Anything would have been fucking nice, than to hear about it in the middle of a heated fight. Tell me, if you didn’t slip up just now were you even going to tell me?” Alex tries to coat the words in anger but she doesn’t miss the way it wavers on fear and insecurity.

“Rao, yes of course I was going to Alex! I- we-” Kara tries.

“Save it.”

“Alex please,” She begs her to listen as she steps in front of her and reaches to hold Alex’s hands.

“When?” Alex snarls and Kara gulps because her sister definitely would not like the answer.

“Remember that time that Lena and I broke up? Then we ran to each other in the rain, made up? And then two weeks later she got assassinated by those CADMUS wanna-be’s and we had to use the Fortress’s tech to track her down?”

Alex remembers that one so clearly. It was funny at the time, how Jess had caught them making out in the middle of an ‘interview’. How Kara was so happy that she won Lena back.

“Yes and?” Alex quips, eager to know the answer.

“And well, remember how I asked to have some time alone with Lena once we rescued her? And made all of you guys leave?” Kara croaks out, fear apparent and Alex just stares at her clearly impatient at how Kara rambles.

“Well, I uh-kinda suggested we get married on the spot because I didn’t want to spend another day not being married to her when people want to kill both of us, every day.”

Alex lets out a heavy, shakes her head and pinches the bridge of her nose. 

“You know this is the part where I say, ‘Not even surprised.’” She states dryly, “Of fucking course you’re the kind of people who would pull this kind of shit.”

 Kara tries to get a word in but, “You fucking owe me a wedding and Mom and J’onn and Alura-”

“Oh my god! Kara! Your Mom deserves to see the daughter she whisked off to another planet, get married! You fucking owe Clark a wedding-”

“Actually…” Kara starts off sheepishly, knowing full well Alex will explode from what she’s about to say.

“Oh for fuck’s sake! Clark knows doesn’t he?!”

Kara flinches again. Good thing her superhearing is dampened here. 

“Well, uh,” Kara wrings her fingers when she realizes there are no glasses to fiddle with.

“Lena said she wanted a Kryptonian wedding so we had Kelex call Kal and uhm he officiated…”

Alex doesn’t say anything to that, just clenches and unclenches fists at her side. 

“I’m sorry!! Okay! I was going to tell you immediately but we kinda got carried away sneaking around and then it just completely slipped my mind because you guys keep pointing out how we’re an old married couple anyway! And and and—“ Kara is grasping for words, anything just to make this all better. 

“Damn it, I messed up haven’t I?” She whispers, realizing  now that the only thing to make this better would be them admitting their mistake and going for amends. 

“Yeah, you did, Kara.”

Kara feels shame course through her.

“I am so mad at you right now for denying me the privilege of seeing you walk down the aisle.  You know I don’t even want that, I just wanted to see you have your dreams come true and see you have what I have with Kelly, god damn it Kara, I love you and I wanted to be there.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I hate your pout. I hate your stupid pouty face. Your billionaire wife better pay for a grand wedding for all of us.”

“Does that mean I’m forgiven?”

“Mom’s not going to let you down easy though.”

Her sister doesn’t really need to point out the obvious.

“I know. Could you maybe be the-”

“Nuh-uh. No. You tell her yourself or have Lena tell her. I’m not doing that shit for you.”

“Fine.”

Kara will take what she can get. 

“I love you, Alex.” She breathes in relief when she sees Alex affectionately roll her eyes at her.

“I love you too, you stupid alien.”

***

“It’s official then? We guys get to call you Moms now?”

Lena never really expected that to be the first words Nia says to her when she enters the Med Bay.

“Yes, Nia. And also, yes, you’re a bridesmaid,” She answers immediately knowing that Nia was going to ask.

Nia lights up and Lena shakes her head at how similar she and Kara beams. 

Yeah, ‘Moms’ really is a fitting term.

“Alex making you do another wedding huh?”

“Yes, she is.”

Nia snorts, “You say that as if you don’t want the world to know Kara Danvers is wholly and solely yours.”

Well, she isn’t wrong, not that Lena is ever going to admit that though.

“Can I please plan your wedding? I have prophetic dreams. I can totally tell you what would look perfect on that day oh, oh, oh! I can even tell you if it’s going to rain, if you want an outdoor wedding that is. Oooh, maybe I could even see who’d catch your bouquet— “

“Nia, slow down,” Lena mutters before Nia plans out the whole wedding then and there.

“Kara and I will talk about it, but I think she’ll agree, you don’t really need to convince us.”

“Yes-yeah uh right sorry, you should definitely do that. Sorry it’s just I’ve been shipping you and oh my this is so exciting!” 

Trust Nia to say ship is now endgame in regards to their marriage.

Nia jabbers on as Kara walks in and gives the both of them a big grin, Alex trailing behind her. 

“I guess, congratulations are in order, Danvers.” Alex rolls her eyes and it takes Lena a moment to realize that she was referring to her.

She tries to calm down the happy flutter in her heart and the emotions bubbling out of her as she utters a weak, “Th-thank you, Alex.”

“Actually, Luthor-Danvers, we hyphenated,” Kara clarifies, which really doesn’t help the happy flutter at all, just adds to it. 

Alex just sighs and mumbles an ‘Of course you did.’

Before walking towards the bed and surprising Lena with a tight embrace.

“You do know, now you have two Danvers worrying for you every time you walk out in the field now, right?”

 And Lena just laughs. Because for the first time in forever she’s got people genuinely wanting her to exist. To the point that they’d do anything to keep her safe. 

She’s got family now and if it means overprotective Kryptonians and fierce blaster wielding older sisters, she really wouldn’t have it any other way. 

***

They’re fighting. 

In the DEO.

Again. 

“Moms fighting again?” Nia doesn’t really know why she keeps asking, this is like a daily occurrence now. Agents don’t even bat an eye when bickering echoes off the halls, nowadays. Apparently, this is what happens in the CatCo bullpen and L-Corp offices too. 

Alex appears next to her. 

“You know you really should stop calling them that, especially since—“

“WE ARE NOT NAMING OUR KID, POTSTICKERS!”

[transsexualhamlet]

pushing my shameless trans agenda onto liam

Hi i just think he’s transgender have you seen the man

Ok so obviously I’m not intending to say this is canon or ever will be canon i just think it would be Neat and i can fit it within canon since well we really can’t tell and there’s honestly a lot of things that fit with it :) also it’s just my favorite characters get hit with the transgenderification beam bc i say so

The whole argument is basically:

-the Name Situation

-his appearance and mannerisms

-his Past TM 

-the Bond Situation

-and because I said so

But yeah so the main reason this came to mind is because of the whole deal with his name. I made a previous post on this but yeah, the thing about liam’s name is a big deal, and you know, as a trans person I see it and relate it to that.

The main thing is that there was no necessity to change his name. Louis never changed his first name, and there was no need to. And it’s never really gone over why william’s past life is so important to cover up, other than the fact that he did a court case where he threatened to cut a guy’s arm off when he was like eight, but that’s like... you know, that’s reasonable. He’s very very protective of his past identity, where louis kind of isn’t. 

And the fact is, William isn’t an alias, he didn’t have to take that name, he isn’t just doing it out of necessity- he truly does identify with that name, proven in many ways. He enjoys nicknames derived from it. And the thing most indicative of this is Sherlock. In chapter 53, he goes wayyyy out of his comfort zone to actually reveal his past identity and his name. Sherlock knows it, the entire point is to reveal that to him, as a way of giving up the last and most important of his secrets. And yet, even then, William signs his letter ‘William James Moriarty’, though it’s supposed to be his innermost, most vulnerable self.

This pretty much says for sure it’s the name he wants to be called, the name he identifies with, and not whatever his name used to be. It’s important to him, and that’s not a front- have you read that fucking letter? If he was going to admit himself as anything else, it would be there.

Sherlock respects that as well- if there was ever a time when Sherlock would not call him liam, it would be in chapter 55. And yet the most important thing is that he still did call him Liam. He was accepting this dude even though he used to be something else, he didn’t care and he was still willing to save him and love him. Hmmm Sherlock allegory for Trans Ally lmao. 

How the identity and name itself is treated also makes it seem even more a positive represetation of a deadname situation. They never tell us his name. And that’s like... honestly important. They’re going out of their way to say that his old name isn’t important. They’re not keeping it secret for any reason than to show that it doesn’t matter, that no matter what he used to be, William James Moriarty is what he is now.

Anyway, other than the name situation, there are still a lot of other factors that go into my thoughts about it.

A lot of his behaviors are indicative to it, especially when he is a kid there are moments where im just like “haha this is an allegory for transgenderism”. 

Like first and foremost have you seen how this man looks as a kid? That is the most androgynous motherfucker you’ve ever laid eyes on. No one would honestly be able to tell, the way he looks as a kid is in no way disproving this- kind of the opposite, in fact.

are you honestly looking at this face and telling me rn you know that’s a cisgender boy?

And honestly, the fact that Albert lends him some of his old clothes just to go around outside in, and then when he comes back the butler is like Take Those Off Right Now Those Aren’t For You is like. Hm. That’s a gender thing. It’s obviously not the case but yknow, another allegory TM.

In his own orphanage as well, he basically took the ‘eldest daughter’ role to a T. He was doing all the chores, taking care of the children, teaching them things, actually managing all the finances as a Child, and kind of thanklessly getting handed this workload he took on bc, you know, eldest daughter. This role just isn’t really given to guys, no matter if they’re Smart TM? I feel like an amab person here would be given the oooh special gifted kid treatment but he’s not, they mostly just use him there as “free extra mom and 100% adult at 12″.

Another big thing is the entire situation around bond, who is literally a canon trans character. For this time period, the way the Moriartys handled the situation seems almost comically out of place. These dudes from the 1800s really just were like “oh yeah ofc you’re a man and we’ll fight anyone who says otherwise and facilitate you in any way possible”- they accepted it without even having to come to terms with the idea that it could be a thing. Bond clarifies constantly that it isn’t about him filling a role, that this is genuinely him, there’s no doubt about it. They clearly have run across it before, and it’s a significant and important issue to them that at least one of them has to have experienced firsthand. It literally just doesn’t make any sense otherwise.

Also in this situation I think it’s kind of funny that the one name they have on hand for the transgenders is James like come on you can do better than that

The parallels between him and Bond also make the whole situation really funny, especially with Sherlock bc it’s like wow sherlock i see you have a type and it’s blond trans men. 

Plus, the man is overly secretive, he refuses to let anyone but Louis in his room and just generally doesn’t let people he doesn’t trust get close to him, obviously there are plenty of valid secrets he is keeping, it’s just another thing that points to it.

And I mean, honestly. Just look at the dude. Transgender trait: awful haircut. It’s the awful trans haircut you get from having a Gender Moment and going to a cis barber like “cut my hair short” and they give you karen hair. Somehow he owns it? But it’s an objectively terrible haircut.

My last point: because I said so. All my favorite characters get the transgenderification beam.

So you know, I refuse to believe he is cis until they decide we get to see him shirtless, come on anime team, don’t be cowards lmao

[yunsoh]

alrighty season 3 ep 2 thoughts. this post got ridiculously long so the rest is under a read more:

- literally i love every single time we see akito sleeping in this long and empty room. there’s something very encompassing about how empty it is + how the angle emphasizes it, especially when we can clearly see she’s sharing her bed 

- shigure and tohru’s moments alone are always soo so sweet. their relationship so far is very much one where there’s a lot of affection between them (which ofc makes one of their biggest scenes together during the final act feel especially hurtful even though it’s a side of shigure we’re well aware of by that point -- it’s just something that tohru up until that point hadn’t witnessed, much less been directly confronted with. but i’m getting ahead of myself lmfao moving on)

- actually related to the above love tohru asking “wouldn’t i just be interrogating him?” and “the things kureno told me make me feel like i’m looking into a deep, dark well” just ahh i do love this background progression of shigure and tohru’s relationship and how it reaches a head when they have their talk about kyo later. 

- this is perhaps unintentional but: having this shot of machi noticing yuki + clearly having some new feelings about him overlaid with/directly followed by momiji and tohru, where we still know momiji has an unrequited crush on her. yes it makes me laugh a little but it’s also fitting because at this moment in time yuki does not have a crush on machi in return + sees her only as a friend.

- it’s been mentioned but it bears repeating. why are they not progressing momiji’s height whatsoever lmaooo. funny because yuki and kyo have had gradual changes but they’re really just trying to make this growth spurt reveal super jarring huh. also holy shit he looks TINY next to haru in this shot. next

- the one kid in class asking hana to fuck the priyuki girls up but she’s like “actually i really don’t care” LMAO........ love her

- ugh i really love this moment with yuki.......... i think it’s been a while since we’ve seen the general student population (not just the prince yuki girls) still treat him in a revering way, now also in part because he’s the student council president but definitely still because of his reputation as the prince. this was something that was so deeply ostracizing to him early on in the series, and does still remind him of his loneliness -- but that loneliness isn’t crippling to him anymore, because now he does have friends who like him and who he can have fun with. 

i’m going to write a bigger post on this later probably because this is a really important progression point in how yuki understands himself to exist in his school’s ecosystem + how his self-esteem is still developing.

- additionally i just want to say that this scene isn’t yuki suddenly falling for machi, or really something to be read as mutually romantic between them -- machi i think absolutely has a crush on him at this point (because he is. the only person who is actually nice to her and considers her existence aside from kakeru but moving on) but yuki’s perception of her at this moment is heavily tied to how he thinks of himself as a friend + whether he’s a worthy enough person to befriend. the fact that machi shatters those doubts for him in such an overt way is important.

- anyways machi is rly cute here i loooove that she’s comfortable being more expressive around him even though it’s mostly out of embarrassment LMAO...... she’s learning how to display her feelings and trusts him with that..... cute.

- also of note yuki putting his hand on the top of her head which is like... he’s trying to convey that he feels they have (or are starting to have) a trusting friendship with each other but it’s like. a bit too much for machi to handle omfg. honestly this goes in hand with way back when ayame patted yuki’s head in praise which was clearly something yuki didn’t receive much of as a kid, and i’m assuming machi also rarely if ever received that same sort of praise. what i’m saying is they’re both trying lmaoo

- also as usual shimazaki’s deliveries are spot on yuki is soooo fucking cute in this scene. “what? seriously? they’re even worse than the ones i made” he’s so casual and funny with her it’s so good

- okay the timeskip to sunset makes me laugh it makes it seem like tohru and kyo have just been waiting in that room alone for hourssss

- ugh how sexy would it have been if the brief flashback to kureno + the music overlay had been cut out here. like tohru seeing the birds and then turning to ask kyo what he would think if someone’s curse had been broken would have gotten the message across just as well + i think would have been more emotionally impactful.

- tohru’s expression here though is so good just. ugh. will say this point in hers and kyo’s relationship is just so tasty because he really is her most trusted confidant but she’s also so aware of anything that could be construed as him rejecting her or pushing her away, which now that she’s getting especially wrapped up in the family’s secrets...... it’s a thin line she’s walking w wanting to protect him but not wanting to push him away bc he’s resigned to what will happen

- this visual is so weeeeeird aoghjksd the screen being framed by her bangs. what. why

- hmmmm in general idk if the flower scene hit very well. it felt kind of awkward? kyo and tohru both seemed really stiff which is weird because literally just a minute ago they were animated pretty well tbh

- this post is already so long and i only JUST started the akigure part of the ep....... i’m so sorry

- machi and kyo both handing off white flowers to yuki and tohru respectively and then we’re hit with shigure giving akito a red flower instead. obviously because akito is symbolized by red camellias + to refer back to her memory of shigure giving one to her, but also just basic color symbolism -- white being more indicative of purity and new beginnings, red being something both passionate, evocative, dangerous.

- oh we’re back to the kids. it is not in fact akigure time yet. 

- i loooove this tohru outfit so much she’s so cute in it. also ig it bears mentioning because i didn’t say anything about it last time, but the reboot hinting more directly to the audience that something bad happened to rin, rather than just her disappearing entirely, is def more overt than in the manga. that short scene of ren intercepting rin in the last ep was chronological yes, but in the manga we don’t see that happen until after we know that akito’s been keeping her in the cat’s room. so just by tohru mentioning that she hasn’t seen or heard from rin in a while, we’re clued in that something bad to her must have happened because of ren. which i don’t think is a bad decision honestly -- since ren is set up as the antagonist for this season, it might make viewers assume that ren did something bad to her, only for it to be revealed that it was akito and that akito is still becoming more and more unhinged. but that also ren is unhinged. disasters.

- “i’m sorry, i’m afraid i do have parents” this rly is just the mid-20s mood isn’t it

- mitsuru fucking hissing at shigure i cannot

- nakamura’s acting during this phone scene is so goooood oh my god. the LOATHING. honestly this alone just makes me crazy abt the insanity that is akito + kureno + shigure like jesus christ. 

- kureno’s pitiful little “nii-san” after shigure obliterates his entire life. there we go

- honestly it’s funny how shigure’s expression looks when akito yells at him for sleeping with ren because for a moment it looks like he has NO idea what she’s talking about but then. nope. he fucked her mom.

- do like the little detail of akito pointing as she tells shigure to get out, but when he leaves he just turns in the opposite direction. like truly he has never followed orders to the t once in his life.

- this shot of ren is so fucking absurd oh my god. pls get ur male gaze directing out of here.

- “i... thought you forgot” man the way this is delivered feels really striking. i think because akito is never caught off guard in a way that surprises her in such a quiet way, or in a way that leaves her plainly vulnerable. like her vitriol towards him has to do with the fact that she feels he’s abandoning the bond they used to have (and ofc they bond they have through the curse), and that memory of him does act as a linchpin. 

- it’s primo bitchy shigure hours. primo akito meltdown hours.

- this shot is soooo foreboding wow. straight up darkness. tho i kind of wish this shot was used instead for the “i want to crush her to a pulp” line, or at the very least that the shot for that line was just framed differently

- god they’re so fucking awful for each other. purely just a disaster duo. shigure taking control of the conversation + dismissing akito’s meltdown and emotional manipulation leaves akito feeling the only way she can have control over him is through seducing him since no other method works. the convo that has with her accusing him of sleeping with a lot of other women + her not knowing how to handle the fact that he slept with ren, and ofc the convo it has with her misogyny and how she views herself. they have this really vitriolic push and pull for control because akito doesn’t know what to do when she loses any control at all, and shigure’s grasping at what little control he can have considering how their power dynamics work with the bond -- walking away when she’s being manipulative, refusing to coddle her. like shigure’s wish for them to be on an equal playing field without the curse is a pipe dream because their relationship is just so, so damaged as is and is so heavily informed by what has already happened between them. takaya why did you have them end up together for realsies why did you--

- what is with the reboot team making akito break down the walls and doors all the time lmfao. bro the structural damage caused by this little 90lb disaster.

- i think i understand why they took it out (like maybe it would have been too overt with how they’ve set up the audience to expect something bad happened to rin after running into ren) but man they really just didn’t adapt one of the most haunting parts of the series huh. like this shot of rin being trapped inside the cat’s room right beside shigure thinking “i’ll be waiting for you” maaaan man!!

- okay addendum: apparently she is in the room. in hindsight i did notice this but it did not register as a person because i thought it was just a glare on the window 😭

[chincilla-on-the-moon]

“I like you too idiot.”- Connor Murphy X Reader

Request: can u do a connor x reader where reader is being pretty annoyed with Jared on the first day (like when he calls him a school shooter) and he steps in and defends her leading timo a nice friendship and a love confession from Connor at the end? I’m sending love, and if u can’t it is really ok, everyone’s mental health is important, pls don’t feel overwhelmed 💕✨🦋- Anon 

Word Count: 2,542

Warnings: A couple swears and Jared Klienman being a dick. (also Connor is probs written ooc but whatever)

Authors note: Hi everyone! First of all I just want to say thank you to everyone who requested something! I am trying to work on them but I recently fell into a really bad place mentally but I’m working on making it better. I hope to have the other requests out soon but please be patient with me. Also anon I used they/them pronouns for the reader as those are my pronouns and I want to make sure everyone can I enjoy my writing regardless of gender so I hope that okay.  As always thank you for reading and I hope you have a good day/night! :) <3 (Also any feedback is very appreciated. )

First day of senior year. To say you weren’t excited would be the understatement of the century. Sure you were excited to finally get out of your hometown but you had to get through the school year first and if the previous years were any indication of how this year was going to go, well lets just say it's going to be a long year. 

You pulled into the student parking lot in your shitty car and saw there were a couple extra minutes before you actually had to be in the building, With that in mind you decided to just put your head down  on the steering wheel for a few minutes to prepare yourself for the day ahead. 

That peace was short lived though because not even  30 seconds later did a dark truck pulled up next to you. Before the car could even come to a stop Zoe Murphy flew out of the passenger seat. She flipped off the driver, who you presumed was her brother Connor, and slammed the door before storming off into the school. “Jesus” you mutter  to yourself. Then another door slammed and Connor Murphy appeared in front of the truck, talking and gesturing wildly to himself. You could only make out bits and pieces of what the boy was saying before he went into the school like his sister. You heard him say something about his mom and his bitch sister and not even wanting to be there. Well at least you weren't alone in the feeling. Following the Murphy siblings you begrudgingly went into the building. The friendly secretary greated you and handed you your schedule which had your locker number on it. After searching for a few minutes you found it and just as you were starting to put things in your locker  you heard his voice, Jared Klienman. He was talking to Evan Hansen and you prayed to whatever higher being that could hear you that he would leave you alone. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. 

“Well, well, well if it isn’t L/N.” You could practically hear the shit-eating grin he had on his stupid face. You were about to turn around and tell him to go away but before you could someone comes between the two of you blocking Jared from your view. 

“Fuck off Klienman” says the last person you expected, Connor Murphy. 

“Woah calm down Murphy, I’m just trying to have a conversation with Y/N here” Jared says starting to back up and putting his arms up as a way of showing his surrender.

“Well they obviously don’t want to talk to you. Now get out of here before I punch that stupid smirk off your dumb face,” Connor says squaring off his shoulders in an attempt to look even more intimidating than usual. It worked quite well because Jared was practically running off but not before making a dig at Connor.

“Yeah whatever you fucking freak.”

You saw Connor’s shoulders tense and his hands clenched into fists. You didn’t know what to do but figured it would be best to leave the boy alone, so you just fidgeted with your hands. He took a deep breath then turned to face you. 

“Uhm thanks for that. You really didn’t have to,” you say avoiding eye contact with him, which was quite easy considering how tall he was compared to you. 

“No problem, I know how much of a dick Klienman can be.” 

“Yeah he’s the worst,” you say scoffing lightly. Then the bell signaling you were supposed to be in homeroom rang.“See you around Connor. Thanks again,” you say before turning to shut your locker and rush to class. 

“Yeah see you around,” Connor says to no one because you were already down the hall.

The rest of the day wasn’t much better, nothing happened in particular but it just still wasn’t the best. After what felt like an eternity it was finally the last bell of the day, creative writing. You weren’t particularly interested in writing but you had a bell to fill so you figured why not. When you walked in you did a scan of the room and saw Connor, he had an empty seat next to him at the back of the room so you decided to sit it in. “Hey,” you say, startling the boy who was previously staring into space. 

“Oh hey.”

“Thanks again for this morning, I really appreciate it dude,” you say making eye contact with Connor so he would know you actually meant what you were saying.

“Oh yeah, it was nothing. Don’t worry about it,” he says, giving you a small smile. You smiled back just as your teacher walked in which caused the conversation to end. 

“Good afternoon class! I hope all of your days have been tolerable,” says your teacher Mr. Davidson. He was a younger man in his early 30’s which meant everyone liked him including you.  “Instead of doing an ice breaker where you all lie about how interesting your summers were I want you to get to actually get to know someone in this class a little better,” he says from behind his podium at the front of the class. You were starting to panic a little, who were you going to partner up with? None of your kind of friends were in this class!  Then Connor cleared his throat grabbing your attention.

“Hey Y/N, wanna be partners?” The nervous energy was practically radiating off the boy. You breathed a sigh of relief.

“Sure Connor.” The two of you then got up and turned your desks to face each other like the other pairs were doing. “So Murphy what’s your deepest darkest secret?” you say, smirking.

“Woah L/N, not even going to ask me my favorite color or anything?” he says chuckling.

“Okay, okay, fine,” you say playfully rolling your eyes. “What’s your favorite color Connor?” 

“Dark green. What about you L/N? What's your favorite color?”

“Y/F/C,” you say. “It’s been my favorite since I was younger,” you say shrugging.

“I respect that. It’s a good color.” 

“Yeah whatever, now can I hear your deepest secret?”, you say almost like a child.

“Wow you’re still on this?”, he says with amusement evident in his tone. 

“Yeah I am!” you say in a mock seriousness. “Mr. Davidson says we are supposed to actually get to know each other and that’s what I’m trying to do Murphy!” 

“You’re absolutely right Y/N,” he says suddenly very serious.

“Okay fine I’ll tell you but you have to swear you won’t tell anyone. 

“Not a soul,” you say staring at him intently and sitting at the edge of your seat. 

“Well, here goes nothing.” He made eye contact and it felt as if he was staring into your soul. “I’m pregnant.”

You maintained eye contact until you actually processed what he said, then the two of you started laughing which caused the rest of the class to turn and look at you but for once you didn’t even care because you were actually happy for the first time in what felt like forever. 

The rest of the class went by faster than you or Connor wanted it to, but the two of you walked out to the student parking lot together and paused when you reached your cars. “Uh see you tomorrow I guess,” you say but it comes out as more of a question. 

“Yeah see you tomorrow Y/N”, Connor says very confidently which surprised you both. You waved as a final goodbye and got into your cars. As you were driving home you thought about all the awful things you heard about Connor in the past and how untrue they were. Sure he was intimidating at first glance but he’s six feet tall for goodness sake who wouldn’t be intimidated by that. You could tell from the short  class period you spent getting to know him that he was simply misunderstood.  Suddenly you were glad you never listened to what all the popular kids said about Connor. 

As the school year went on you and Connor developed a sort of unspoken ritual, you would wait for Connor to get to school then you two would walk to homeroom together and then walk to your cars when the school day was over. The two of you became good friends and you found yourself actually looking forward to waking up in the morning so you could see him. The pair of you  had hung out outside of school a few times and you had actually met Connor’s mom, granted it was an accident but it still happened. 

You and Connor decided to hang out at his house because his family wasn’t home that afternoon, the two of you were lounging on the couch watching some weird movie when you heard the front door open. “Connor dear? Is that you in there?” Suddenly an middle aged woman with red hair appeared with reusable grocery bags in her hands. 

“Mom?!” Connor jumped up from the couch in a panic. “I thought you had yoga today?!”

“Class was canceled because Cindy wasn’t feeling well. Oh I stopped by the store and  got those  snacks you asked for!” she said coming into the living room box in hand. “Oh? Connor, who's your friend?” she said with a small smile appearing on her lips. 

“Hi Mrs. Murphy. I’m Y/N,” you said nervously. 

“Oh call me Cynthia dear,” she said, shooting you a smile. 

After that Cynthia invited you to stay for dinner but you already had plans with your parents that night. She invited you a couple times after that as well. You never actually went cause Connor didn’t want you to but still it was nice to know she liked you enough to invite you to dinner. 

As fall came to a close the two of you  became attached at the hip, constantly talking to one another whether it was in person or through the phone. Once the holiday season rolled around you guys got each other gifts. You got Connor a signed book from his favorite author and he got you a vinyl you had been wanting for a while.

 Once the holiday break was over the end of the first semester came quickly and you couldn’t wait to finally be done with your half year courses and start the new ones. Unfortunately you had to take finals before you could be done. Although you only had two finals you were still extremely stressed out. Sure they were easy classes but the teachers were notorious for giving impossible finals. You spent the few days before the finals studying whenever there was a free moment. Connor knew you were stressed so he helped you the best he could. He offered to have study sessions even though none of his classes had finals, he went over quizlets on video calls, and he even brought you a drink with way too much caffeine on the mornings he knew you didn’t sleep. 

Once the day arrived he texted you good luck. You went into the first test and totally nailed it. Before the next testing time there was a break and when you checked your phone you saw Connor had texted you telling you how proud he was of you for studying so hard and reassuring you that you had these exams in the bag. You sent him a quick “thank you :))” and went into the testing room for the second time. This exam was a little harder than the last but you still thought you did decent. There were a couple times where Connor and his stupid mneumonic devices actually came in handy. Letting out a giant breath of relief as you stepped out of the testing room you couldn’t wait to tell Connor about how much he helped. When you reached your locker and got your phone out of it you saw Connor had asked if you wanted to hang out when you were done. Obviously you said yes and told him to pick you up at your house in 15. You drove home and changed out of your testing outfit which was just sweatpants and a hoodie and put on something a little more presentable. Sure you were just going to hang out with your best friend but he also is the boy you’ve been pining over for months. You’ve always found Connor attractive and when he put dickhead Klienman in his place that made him all the more hot. But then you really got to know him and you fell. Hard.  He was sweet, caring, smart, and funny. Sure he had his moments but so did everyone on the planet. He had actually opened up to you about his struggles with his mental health and you did everything you could to support him. You encouraged him to ask his parents for therapy, and always made sure he took his meds in the morning. You were there for him and he was always there for you.  

You were pulled out of your thoughts when you heard the horn of Connor’s truck outside your house. You rushed outside and got into the passenger seat, “So where to Murphy?”

“I was thinking we could get some food and just chill in a parking lot somewhere. Sound cool?”

“Definitely. I’ve missed hanging out with you. Stupid finals,” you say with a dramatic eye roll. 

“Yeah I’ve missed hanging out with you too dork,” he says reaching over the center console and ruffling your hair. 

“Connor Murphy! I just brushed my hair and here you go messing it up!” you say while trying to fix your now disbelieved hair. 

“Whatever L/N. It still looks fine to me.”  Although it was barely a compliment, heat still rushed to your cheeks. He pulled out of your driveway and the two of you were off. On the way to get food you guys caught up talking about everything you missed in the world of Connor because you were too focused on finals. He told you he finished a TV show you recommend and loved it.  You made it to the drive through and Connor ordered, already knowing what you wanted from your many midnight outings. Once you got your food you made your way to the plaza parking lot where the restaurant was located. For the first couple minutes the two of you sat in a comfortable silence listening to the playlist Connor had made for this type of occasion. After a few minutes Connor suddenly spoke, “Can I tell you something?”

“Connor dearest you know you can tell me anything,” you say with a french fry in your mouth, not even bothering to look at him. 

“I like you.” You choked on the fry you had in your mouth. 

“Pardon?” you say through a cough. 

“I said I like you,” he says, a little less sure of himself. When you looked over at Connor you saw he was staring straight ahead. 

“Hey Connor.” 

“Mhm,” he says, not daring to move. 

“Look at me.” He just barely turned his head towards you. “I like you too idiot.”

[wooyunhwa]

kingdom of welcome addiction | five

view pinned post for masterlist / links to the rest of the parts!

Genre: smut (with plot), angst

Pairing: demon!san x fem!reader / ???yunho x fem!reader 

Word Count: 5.2k

Warnings: overstimulation, finger sucking, multiple orgasms, use of toys

Synopsis: Torn between two opposing forces competing for your attention, who will you choose? Will San’s secrets finally come to light?

A/N: Finally some backstory! Strap in! Thank you for reading and comments are super appreciated as always! <3 love you all

“I’ve been assigned to protect her.”

“From what?” San asked, relaxing his hostile stance back a bit. 

Yunho glanced at you, then back at San, uneasiness coming through in his gaze. 

“From you.”

“From me?” San laughed mockingly.

“They’re not happy with you, San. Up there.” Yunho gestured vaguely upwards. Was heaven actually up? 

“Tell me something I didn’t know,” San muttered with a roll of his eyes.

“I’m not talking about that,” Yunho said seriously. “I’m talking about you saving her. They take fate pretty seriously.” 

“So what, you’re like the protector of fate now? Give me a break,” he sneered, voice tinged with mockery. With the way they bickered, you’d think they were some old divorced couple. 

“You guys are talking like I’m not in the room. Can someone explain to me what’s going on?”

Yunho’s hand rubbed against your leg. You weren’t sure exactly how to feel about his touch now, knowing he was a celestial being and not just a cute human boy, but it did feel nice. Comforting somehow, even in this situation.  “When San saved you, he altered your fate.”

“You’re saying I’m supposed to be dead?”

“Well, yes. While you should be dead, we angels don’t exactly endorse killing humans, even if it was their fate. But that’s why I was reassigned. Your original guardian… well, he couldn’t watch over you any more.”

You felt as cynical as San for a minute, rolling your eyes at Yunho’s implication. “Sounds like the original guardian wasn’t doing a very good job then, if he was gonna let me die.”

San laughed from his position, poised against the counter top casually. His fangs glistened as his mouth formed a familiar smirk. “That’s my girl.” 

Yunho was entirely unamused, but turned to face you fully, face lingering entirely too close. “Either way, I’m here to watch over you now. Make sure he—” He shot a poisonous glare at San. “—doesn’t alter fate again. You’re in big trouble, by the way.” 

San smiled sarcastically, eyes like daggers as they met with Yunho. “What are they gonna do, hmm? Banish me?” He wiggled his fingers mockingly. “Oh no, I’m soooo scared.”  

“Anyway,” he pulled his gaze back to you now, eyes sparkling like the stars as they met with yours. The way he looked at you, you’d think you were the only two in the universe. “If this impulsive idiot hadn’t ruined it—” He shot another deathly glare at San. “—I was going to watch over you from here. As your classmate. Angels aren’t typically permitted to get this close to their assignments, but you’re a special case. I was given a lot of flexibility.”

“Oh, give me a fucking break,” San sneered through his teeth. “Classmate, my ass. I saw how your hands were all over her.”

“Don’t you have some souls to eat somewhere? Virgins to sacrifice?” Yunho taunted in his direction. 

“Fuck. Actually, I do. I’m getting a call.” San turned on his heels. “Don’t think I’m letting this one go,” he said, but he was gone before you could even get a parting word out to him. 

Your mind felt like it had been reduced to a steaming pile of mush after your conversation with the two of them—well, more like you listening to them bicker. Either way, there was too much information to take in at once. In a matter of minutes, your cute human crush became your cute angel guardian. Well, you supposed he always was, but the fact that you knew it made it feel so much more strange. 

But a few things hadn’t changed. 

He still sparkled like the stars to you. You had already fallen for him hopelessly, the minute you saw him walking into your classroom, you knew that to be fact. Nothing about your attraction to him had changed. Whether or not his ethereal glow was because he was incredibly handsome or  because he was very literally an angel changed any of that fact for you. His touch still gave you goosebumps. His soft smile in your direction still made your heart race. He was still the embodiment of light, glowing like a beautiful aurora. He radiated the positivity you needed so desperately.

And you were alone with him.

“I’m sorry you had to find out like this,” he said, his hand still rested on your thigh. “About me being your guardian. I was hoping I could get to know you better first. Just as Yunho. I didn’t anticipate San showing up unannounced.”

You skipped right past his apology, needing answers. “So—Why? Why’d you kiss me? If I’m just your assignment?” you questioned angrily. But a part of you didn’t even want to ask him why. You just wanted to do it again. 

“It was genuine,” he promised. “It wasn’t planned. But it was genuine. We angels may not be human, but we have a bit more humanity than that demon. We have souls. They’re just not… bound by the human realm.”

You had absolutely no idea what he was talking about, but he looked beautiful saying it. You felt like you couldn’t possibly take in any more information than you already had without completely losing it. You winced suddenly, noticing your head beginning to ache. 

“Y/N, are you okay? W—Would you like me to leave?” Yunho asked softly, sensing the look on your face. It was odd to have him asking. San usually just left whenever he wanted to, disappearing into the ether without a trace. 

“Leave? Do you just... disappear out of thin air like San does?” you asked seriously. 

Yunho chuckled, his laugh like music to your soul. “No, no. I’d have to walk out the door. And take the bus.”

“What kind of angel takes the bus?” you jested, assuming he was joking. 

“It’s part of my assignment. I’m not exactly human, but I don’t have all my angel powers either. I was supposed to blend in as much as possible. So I play by the laws of the universe now,” he chuckled. “Speaking of, just because I’m an angel, doesn’t mean I’m not actually worried about passing that class.” 

You burst into laughter at the ridiculousness. He was an angel who had to take the bus and do homework? What a shitty deal. You were enjoying his company, and you didn’t want him gone just yet. “To answer your earlier question, you can stay. You’re supposed to be protecting me, right? I’d feel safe if you were around.”

He smiled warmly. You realized his hand was still on your thigh, and his face a lot closer than you remembered. He looked so soft and inviting, and you remembered the way he kissed you earlier. It was soul-warming, like a comfort food you ate as a child, something your mom would make for you. 

“I’d love to stay and protect you. And not just because it’s my job,” he said charmingly, eyes forming into two cute crescents on his face. He was absolutely glowing. 

No matter how you looked at it, he and San were magnets with opposing forces, and yet they both drew you in equally. 

You leaned into a kiss without thinking, your eyes trained only on his soft, inviting lips. You melted into them as you collided, immediately overwhelmed with the gentle way his lips met yours. He reciprocated against you, hands moving from your thighs to cupping softly on the small of your waist, pulling you against him. Everything he did was passionate, yet tender. He handled you like the most delicate glass, like you could break at any moment and he would be there to put the pieces back together. You pushed your body against him, sinking into the soft, thick fabric of his sweater. He felt like a cloud. 

He was San’s very literal antithesis. And something in you needed that right now more than anything. 

You pushed your tongue in his mouth, indicating you wanted to escalate things. You fisted your hands into his pillowy sweater, grasping at him to pull him in closer against you. He moaned against your mouth, and the sound sent tingles all the way down your spine. 

But he pulled away, leaving you grasping desperately at the fabric of his sweater.

“I can’t do this in good conscience,” he said, brows furrowed with concern. Wow, he really was San’s antithesis. 

“Is it breaking angel code to make out with your assignment?”

“Well, no. Technically, I’m free to do whatever I want as a human bound here for now. I just want to make sure you’re not doing something you regret. It’s all very fast.”

You sighed, breaking away from him, though you craved his lips even more now that the taste lingered on your tongue. The silence felt deafening—you wanted to hear more of Yunho’s angelic moans against your ear. Moments like this made you miss San’s impulsivity. You knew if he was here he’d be all over you. 

“Can we cuddle, at least?” you asked, gaze drifting up and down from his soft lips to his even softer sweater. He was like a marshmallow you wanted to sink down into. He was everything you needed right now. Pure comfort. 

He nodded softly, repositioning himself against the arm of the loveseat. He motioned between his legs, creating a nice wedge for you to cuddle up in. You curled up against him, your head sinking down softly in the pillowy sweater. He wrapped his arms around you protectively. You weren’t sure, but you thought you heard him singing to you as you drifted to sleep. 

You woke up to a note on the fridge, scribbled neatly and punctuated with hearts and smiley faces. He was so effortlessly pure. Even his handwriting was cute.

Morning class, can’t miss! Sorry. See you in Advanced Religion? 

You couldn’t help but chuckle to yourself. What a dork. He’d just revealed himself as an angel, and yet he was worried about missing class? To be honest, you really couldn’t afford to miss any classes either, but there were so many unanswered questions still swirling around in your head. You needed San.

After cleaning yourself up thoroughly, you decided to summon him in your room, something you hadn’t done for a while. 

“Early for you to be calling me.” You swiveled on your heels, your face immediately met with San’s chest. You stumbled back a few steps, but he caught your waist in his arms, pulling you in to him. “Nice to hear you calling, darling. I’d say you smell sweet, but you reek of angel.” He glanced around suspiciously. “Is he still here?”

“No, he left before I even woke up.”

San sighed, then trained his gaze on you, crimson eyes lighting up like a fire. “Good. You know, I’ve missed you, lamb.” He drew his finger across your chin, tipping you up to his eyes like he always did before he wanted something. “Care to play with me this morning?”

You didn’t feel like entertaining his games right now. “No, not really. I have a lot of questions I need to be answered.”

“You’re no fun,” he pouted sarcastically, before leaning back against the desk in your room. “Alright, let’s get this over with before I get called elsewhere.”

“Earlier, you came in without being called. I thought I had to call you for you to appear. In the alley, too. How?”

He sighed, rubbing his forehead with two fingers, reluctant to answer your questions. “I can do it, but it’s a risk. Like working without a contract. Goes against the demon rulebook, or whatever. But I was willing to break some rules when I saw that angelic asshole with his hands all over you,” he said, putting extra spiteful emphasis into referring to Yunho.  

“You guys… have history, I take it?”

“It’s a long story. I’d rather not get into it right now,” he responded dismissively. “Anything else?”

“Were you watching me?”

“I—only a little. Just enough to see you mouth-fucking with that angel bitch,” he sneered through his teeth.

Damn. Touchy subject. 

“Are you trying to say we’re exclusive or something? Because that most certainly wasn’t the impression I got from this relationship.”

San’s eyes narrowed, pushing himself off the desk to close the distance between you. He ran a fingernail down your neck, making sure to drag over every bite mark. “No. We’re not. But I feel... protective of you.”

“Well then don’t worry about Yunho. It’s his job to protect me.”

San rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t say he’s exactly trustworthy,” he grumbled under his breath, then quickly focused back on your neck. “Ugh, darling, won’t you let me have a little fun? I’ve had a rough week.”

You pulled away, dropping your gaze. “I—I need to go. To school. I’m late.”

San clicked his tongue, looking at you with a look of displeasure. “You’re really no fun. You’re the one who called me here, lamb. No tears? No blood? Not even a taste of your lips?” 

“Bye, San. Don’t come back unless you’re called, understand? Or I’m done making contracts.” You met his eyes seriously. “Forever.”

Seeing Yunho at school was… strange, to say the least, after his big reveal to you. You had made a routine of getting there early just to watch him come through the door, and your new information about his job didn't change any of that. 

It seemed like the other girls in class caught on to getting there early too, seated expectantly for him to walk through the door, tall and model-esque. You'd even heard girls whispering about him in the halls—the new blue haired boy who every girl on campus wanted a piece of. They drew their heads up as he ascended the lecture hall stairs to make his usual seat next to you, like they were watching a celebrity. 

Inspiration struck. As he sat down next to you, you gave him a flirtatious wink, then pulled him in for a casual, but slightly drawn out kiss. You let your lips linger against his for a few seconds afterwards, eating up the jealous stares of your classmates. You wanted to mark him yours. After all, he was your guardian. 

He looked at you with wide eyes, and you took his hand, lacing his fingers in yours. “Go with it,” you whispered discreetly in his direction. 

He gave your hand a light squeeze, leaning back in to give you a soft peck on the cheek to seal the deal. 

And just like that, he played the role of your college boyfriend. But it was just a role. Acting. In a sick way, you loved the jealous, spiteful stares you got as you walked down the hall with him. And he was able to keep a closer eye on you without being hunted down by every girl on campus trying to flirt with him. It was a mutual agreement. 

You were still entirely enamored by him, you crush in full bloom. Playing the role of his girlfriend was satisfying, but not in the way you needed it to be. He was sweet, but distant—you assumed he was trying his best to stay objective, to not get too wrapped up in his assignment. But you wanted so much more.

He sometimes came over to your place to study, and you rarely even mentioned his angelic presence. He requested that you treat him normally, like any other human, although that was pretty much asking the impossible. He certainly wasn’t, and would never be, like any other human. 

He still glowed like an aurora and sparkled like the stars. You wanted to cuddle up into him and never let go. You wanted to spend your days nestled in his arms. A few times, you did, falling asleep curled up on his chest on the couch like you had the first day he came over. 

But you couldn't help but want more.

Your lonely nights had made you needy. 

Yunho wasn't quite ready to go there with you yet, as he very clearly defined when you came onto him the first night he came over, and you'd been avoiding San like the plague. Not that it was hard—all you needed to do was not summon him. And you hadn't, for a while actually. 

But your hand wasn't doing it for you today. You needed more. You needed San.

You were partly joking about him being your demon prostitute, but he kind of was now that you were calling him exclusively to get you off.  Not that you were complaining about that. You were trying to distance yourself from him emotionally, but that didn't mean you couldn't have him help you with your physical needs. 

You put on your best set of lingerie, a black lacy set you weren’t really even sure why you had, and displayed yourself sexily on the bed. Not that you needed lingerie to entice San, but you figured it couldn’t hurt. 

He appeared with a low growl, eyes immediately glazing over with lust. “What’s this darling? Finally want to have a little fun?”

“I want a contract, San. I don’t care what you do for me—clean my kitchen, make me dinner, I don’t care—but your reward is my body. Take it or leave it.”

“Very forward of you today,” he said with an amused smirk. “I like it.”

“Your answer?”

“Fine, I accept. But I have a condition.”

He wasn’t in much of a position to give conditions, but you nodded, urging him to continue. 

“You’ve left me waiting for so long. I want to have a little fun with my prey first, hmm? That vibrator in there.” He gestured his head to your nightstand, the top drawer where you kept your pink silicone vibrator. It was small, compact, and admittedly expensive. It also came with a fully customizable bluetooth remote.  “It’s remote, right?”.

“It’s remote capable, yeah.”

His lips pulled into a sinister smile, eyes darkening, and you realized what was happening.

“I want to watch you squirm. I love watching you. My helpless little lamb," he cooed, stepping over to your nightstand to pull it out.

“Wait, but how did you know that was—”

“I may or may not have done some snooping in your room while you were asleep the other night.” He flashed you his fangs, eyes glimmering playfully. “You should know not to trust a demon, darling.” He twirled the vibrator between his fingers, glancing from it to you, still laying in wait on the bed. “Did you put on that pretty number just for me? You look… delicious in it.” He drew his tongue over his teeth, then took a seat on the edge of the bed. 

His hand traced over your skin, from your neck down to your breasts, stomach, hips, then between your legs, circling your clit through your panties. You had missed his touch desperately, although if you were being honest, it wasn’t his you necessarily missed. You missed intimate touch at all. 

He leaned forward to plant a kiss, surprisingly gentle, swiping his tongue over your bottom lip. “Tonight’s about you, my lamb. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to have my fun.”

You were already wet before he got here, hopelessly horny and waiting for his arrival. You were now even more so. The lace of your panties was completely soaked as he danced his fingers across it. He pulled the seam of the lingerie to the side, just enough to slip the vibrator inside of you. His other hand held the remote. His eyes were fixed on you, power erupting beneath his crimson irises. 

He had you literally in the palm of his hand. The smallest touch on the remote, and he was completely in control. He did not take that power lightly. He turned it on, the light buzz immediately sending vibrations through you like waves. Your mind soared in pleasure, whimpers escaping from your lips.

“That’s cute. That’s just the low setting, darling,” he cooed, pressing the lace of your panties back between your legs. He pressed a hand on your stomach, feeling the way your core trembled under his touch. “To your feet,” he commanded suddenly. “C’mon.”

You wobbled up off the bed, and he cranked up the intensity to the highest setting the second your feet met the floor. Your legs buckled underneath you, and a smirk passed over his lips as he watched you, weak like putty in his hands. 

He pushed you to your knees beneath him, standing tall as his hooded gaze fell on you from above, dark and lust. He praised you sweetly as his hand gripped in your hair, tightening his grip as he toyed with the buttons on the vibrator. You trembled as the vibrations rocked through you. Every so often he would stop the sensations completely, stopping to pet your head softly and sing you praises, only to push up the intensity to full and grip his fingers tighter in your hair. Your head spun with neediness, practically dripping around the vibrator sunk deep inside you. 

He lifted your chin with his fingertip, tilting your head up almost 90 degrees. You whined as the vibrations teased you torturously, it had felt like hours he was watching you, a satisfied smile curled on his lips as he watched you writhe and shake at the mercy of his fingertips. Your whining grew louder, orgasm firing through you so intensity you could barely keep yourself upright. Only the tugging of his hands in your hair kept you up on your knees. 

"That's a good, good girl. So pretty when you’re shaking," he praised sweetly. 

He brought his hand to your mouth, parting your lips slightly by tugging down on your teeth, then shoved two fingers in. You sucked them enthusiastically, eating up the noises that escaped him at watching you gag on his fingers. He shoved them in farther, and you gagged a bit. Right on cue, he pushed up the intensity of the vibrations. You shook and moaned against his fingers as the vibrations rocked through you again, and this time you were much more sensitive. He watched the look on your face twist as he switched the pace from fast to slow, thrusting his fingers in every so often to hear your gagged breaths. 

“Such a dirty girl, getting off choking on my fingers. Embarrassing, really. But cute,” he cooed, shoving his fingers in your mouth one last time as he cranked up the intensity on the remote, then pulling them out with a trail of saliva. 

He sent you over the edge again. And again. Your knees started to burn lightly against the carpet as he toyed with you over, and over, and over. You weren’t sure how many times you’d come. You lost count at some point. Drool pooled at the corner of your mouth, body sore from writhing and shaking, every muscle contracting again and again. “Good, good girl,” he praised again, stroking your hair softly. “Tired, lamb? I may have gone a little overboard. I couldn’t help it. You’re just so cute when you’re helpless under me.”

You breathed heavily, unable to make words. Your brain was pleasured mush, entirely blissed from the at least five orgasms you had. “Tired…” you muttered, glancing up at him through heavy eyes. 

“I know. You did good.” He raised you up, supporting you by the waist as you stumbled weakly to your feet. Your legs were jello, and you weren’t sure if you could even make it to bed. San seemed to know that too, as he lifted you effortlessly, placing you on your bed gingerly. He helped you remove the vibrator, your body trembling as it slipped out. He even offered a change of clothes and helped you slip into them. Why was he being so nice? 

Your eyes were heavy, body completely wrecked from the orgasms. You didn’t remember much after that. The whole world went black at some point.

When you woke up, there was a note on your nightstand:

I cleaned the apartment for you. Consider the contract complete. xoxo demon maid 

Studying with Yunho became a nightly habit, replacing your bedroom rendezvous with San. That wasn’t to say you didn’t summon him sometimes to fulfill... certain needs, but that was beside the point. 

You were caught between the two of them them, both pulling you in opposite directions, both fulfilling different needs for you. You felt guilty, flirting with Yunho in the daytime and summoning San at night to sate your desires. But there was something in you that still wasn’t ready to let San go. 

He’d been on your mind recently, San. Despite all the cards being out on the table, he was still particularly vague about one thing: his history with Yunho. 

"Yunho I—I need to ask you something."

He turned his eyes to you, and his smile was warm and inviting. "Anything." 

"It's about San." 

Yunho broke his gaze, his sunshine smile fading. "I told you, I didn't want to—"

"How do you know him?"

"What do you mean?"

"He said you were a former colleague. Did you work with him before? Can angels even work with demons?"

Yunho sighed, rubbing his neck apprehensively. "I shouldn't be tell—"

"I already know too much. What's one more thing?"

He chuckled lightly, the heavenly sound ringing in your ears like a lullaby. "I suppose you have a point. But… you can't tell San I told you this."

Your hand came up, zipping your mouth closed with a wink. "Consider it locked away." 

“Alright, well… San wasn’t always a demon. He used to be an angel. We worked together. We were… friends. A long time ago, at least.”

They were friends? You couldn’t ever imagine them getting along.

“What happened?”

“He fell for a human. His assignment. I wouldn’t say that’s typical, but it happens. I don’t blame him for that.” Yunho dropped his gaze, gritting his teeth. “An angel who has fallen for a human… they usually experience the grief of loss, and move on. There’s nothing in angel code that says you can’t experience love. But San has always been... more impulsive than most. And he made a mistake.”

Your heart dropped in your chest. “What—what kind of mistake?” 

“He wanted to make a deal, with a crossroads demon. The deal would prolong her life, but he would be forever indentured to the demon. He didn’t care… as you probably already know, he’s impulsive.” He paused for a moment, rubbing his neck in thought. His expression was pained, regretful.  “I—I was the only angel he told about making the deal. He trusted me, but I ratted him out. He was making a huge mistake… I couldn’t let him sell his soul away like that.”

“So he made the deal?”

“No. They got to him in time. But he broke a lot of angel codes when he made that plan, and I was witness to his confession. They tried his case, but he was never very well liked by the committee. And so they banished him.” 

You fell silent, unable to form the right words. Yunho’s eyes were big, glistening with what looked like the beginning of tears.

“He would never say it, but I know he blames me for his human’s death. If I hadn’t have told them about his plans, she wouldn’t have died then. But… I couldn’t let him sell his soul to the crossroads demon. At the time, I never imagined he’d be banished. I thought they would just stop him from making the deal, maybe suspend him for a few weeks. But not banished.”

“So, angels who are banished become demons then?” 

“They don’t have to. They just can’t carry out their angel duties anymore. And they’re stripped of their wings. He was hurt. Scared, I’m sure. He had nowhere left to turn. He sold his angel soul to become a demon, for the promise of a life of fulfillment. However twisted it was.”

You dropped your gaze, falling completely silent for a while. None of Yunho’s story connected with the dark, bloodthirsty San you knew. You couldn’t imagine what he was like as an angel. Did he sparkle like the stars? Did he smell like heaven itself? Was his smile like the sunshine too? 

Yunho’s voice broke through the silence. “I answered your question. Now you answer one for me.”

His serious expression suddenly made you uneasy. "Is it this last homework question?" you joked, but Yunho's face was unamused. 

"San…” His eyes met with yours, soft and earnest. “...do you love him?"

Your eyes went wide. “Do I love San? No… no.” You shook your head a few too many times, as if you were trying to convince yourself, not Yunho. “Our relationship is purely business. We exchange... services. That's all.” Your hand came up to your neck involuntary, feeling the faint remaining scars of his bite marks.

“Then why do you keep him around? You're beautiful.” Your heart fluttered for a minute at his fleeting compliment. How could such an otherworldly handsome being think you were beautiful?

“You don't need his… services. He's nothing but trouble. I know you know that.” 

“Maybe I'm attracted to trouble.”

"Well, you're attracted to me, too, right?" Your breath caught in your chest. Heat rose in your face, staining your cheeks an incriminating bright red. You opened your mouth hesitantly, but he didn't give you the chance to answer. "So maybe you don't need a bad boy after all?" 

"You said it yourself, Yunho. You need to focus on protecting me. No complications." 

He leaned in closer, setting his hand gently on your cheek. A chill rolled through your spine. "What if I changed my mind?" 

You pulled your lips against his, melting against him softly. You wanted him. Yunho. The ethereal boy that stole your heart the moment you saw him. But now, your mind saw only San. Why? Why could you only see his face?

You didn’t see the San you knew, though. You didn’t see demon San, you saw angel San. The one you could only imagine. You saw the San with a soft, peaceful smile, highlighted by the cute dimples on his cheeks. You saw the San who would risk his life for the one he loved, no matter the cost. You saw the San who made a mistake, and paid his soul for it. 

Your heart ached. You pulled away from Yunho suddenly, a single tear rolling from your eyes at first, followed by a river.

He didn’t ask you why, he only pulled you into him tightly, wrapping his long arms around you in the most comforting hug. You nuzzled into his neck, taking in his scent—he smelled like fresh rain on a spring morning.

It would have been so simple just to choose Yunho. He was the obvious choice. Beautiful, warm, kind—he was everything you could ever need. 

So why could you only think of San?

[doitjake]

The music in us - P1

Jake kiszka x reader

warnings: none.

Requests: “two rockstars meeting in a festival, and both bands hanging out cause they are both friends with the struts, then jake starts falling in love w this person because of their personality, talent and charisma, they start to match in the second day of camping at the festival and then the bands have to play in the same day, jake tells his feeling and the reader doesn’t know how to react.”

A/N:  this was an incredible request and I took a while to post it because I wanted it to be at least reasonable haha. this is the first part, i will probably post the second part on saturday or sunday. I hope you like it and if you want to see a specific scene in the second part comment here or you can send me a message / question!!

Requests here: https://forms.gle/6uMRSCzFvyR2FgZPA

Being in a band with your 2 best friends and your cousin is definitely awesome, until the first week.

"POPPY WHERE'S MY FUCKING HAIRBRUSH?" A super angry drummer was seen getting on the bus.

"Ana, can't you speak a sentence at a normal voice volume?" That was Lexa, our guitarist or our mother, whichever you prefer. She performs both functions very well.

"No, I can't." She walks over to Poppy and snatches her hairbrush out of her hand. "At least not when vocalists with superiority complexes steal my stuff." She walks to the small bathroom on the bus as Poppy showed her the middle finger.

Even inside the bus you could hear several bands doing sound checks and stages being finalized outside. We had arrived at the Summer Rock Festival a few hours ago, it would be three days of festival, we would perform on the second day, after our friends from The Struts and before the boys from Greta Van Fleet.

"Luke texted me, he and the boys are already heading to the bar." Lexa stands up fixing the bottom of her beautiful dress that looked like it was straight out of the 70's, "So if we don't want to be late our dear drummer had better get out of this fucking bathroom soon."

"Hey, no swearing, Mom." I walk past her grabbing my leather jacket from the seat. "Ana! Let's go!"

By the time Lexa and Poppy are outside I am trying to find my cell phone amidst a pile of clothes, Ana finally comes out of the bathroom.

"Cousins by chance, twins by choice." She pulls up the sleeves of her jacket, just like mine, smiling at me.

I find my cell phone and slip my arm over Ana's shoulders, leading us to the bus door.

"Did I mention I hate you?" I ask coming down the small staircase and find Poppy and Lexa waiting for us to go.

"Hm, I guess not today yet." She goes to Poppy's side and pats her chin. "Stop drooling, Poppy."

Lexa and I turn to where Poppy was looking and find the 4 boys from Greta taking their instruments off the bus, about 50 feet away from us.

"Fuck you, Ana," Poppy starts walking towards the exit of the festival, where there is an avenue full of bars, nightclubs, strip clubs and karaoke places.

In less than 10 minutes we had already arrived at the bar and before we even entered Jed already called us shouting. "Hey, girls! Over here!"

It was always really cool to hang out with the boys, we knew each other because of Jed and Adam being friends with Poppy's older brother. We joined them and other people from the crew and some other artists at the festival and less than 2 minutes later several bottles of beer were already on the tables.

I looked at my band mates, we spend so much time together that it is fun to analyze them socializing with other people besides ourselves.

Poppy was probably the most outgoing of us, everyone liked her, she was always nice and polite to everyone and it was amazing to see men with long beards and leather vests making fun of a girl singing rock and then Poppy shutting them up, either with her talent or her knowledge.

Lexa was so calm that it is still shocking to me to see her play and totally transform on stage. She had a 70's hippie style that matched perfectly with her long blond hair and delicate features.

And Ana, my band mate that I have known all my life, my younger cousin. Certainly the strongest personality among the four of us, her life revolved around music, and I loved that about her.

Oh, of course. There's me too, but I don't think it's worth describing myself too much. I'm probably too dull around them. I wasn't outgoing like Poppy, I wasn't charming like Lexa, and I definitely didn't have as much personality as Ana.

My God, what a depression. I need another drink, one stronger than beer.

"Hey, I'm going to go to the bar. I'll be right back." I speak to Lexa receiving a nod in response.

Reaching over I choose the only drink capable of cheering me up.

"A shot of Jack Daniels. No ice please" I speak loudly so the bartender can hear through the music of The Who playing at the bar.

"I always thought it was the guitar players who were more into whiskey" A husky voice came over the music right in my right ear. "I thought bass players were more into vodka"

And then the seat next to me was taken by Jake Kiszka, guitarist for Greta Van Fleet, well I definitely can't compare to Poppy on the subject of "GVF FANGIRL", but wow.

"What about the vocalists and drummers?" I asked as the bartender left the shot of Jack Daniels in front of me.

"Vocalists? Probably some weird drink and drummers for sure are the beer guys." He smiles and turns the stool around facing me "I'm Jake" He holds out his hand to you.

"Y/N" I hold his hand.

"The bass player who made my theory go down the drain." He laughs arching an eyebrow.

"Well, maybe I'm an exception.

"Yeah, maybe there was a glitch in the matrix." He turns to call the bartender. "May I imitate you?" He indicates my glass with his head.

"You're the guitar player here, I think I'm the one copying you." I smile at him and he reciprocates, and shit, why do I think I could stare at him smile forever? And then I feel an arm on my shoulders.

"So you mean my friends are friends, and I didn't know?" Luke leaned one arm on me and the other on Jake, clearly not sober anymore. "Come on over to the table, antisocial people, your bands are waiting."

Luke releases our shoulders and looks at us. "Or are you guys busy planning to pick each other up?"

I could feel all my blood rising to my cheeks in a second, and thank God I had already swallowed the whiskey, otherwise I probably would have spit it all out.

"Of course not Luke." I gave a nervous laugh praying that I could disguise my embarrassment. Which only increased when Jake tilted his head to the side looking at me and gave a weak laugh and then getting up to walk over to the table.

Now there were more people at the table, including the other three members of Greta, and I sat down between Adam and Ana. "Please dig a hole and stick me in" I whispered to my cousin.

"With pleasure." She winked and smiled at me, "But may I know why?"

With the music loud and our friends talking around us I had to lean 'round to whisper right into her ear. "I was talking to Jake Kiszka and then Luke came over and thought we were going to kiss and I looked like an idiot."

"You always look like an idiot, cousin." He whispered in response. "But you want to kiss him?" Ana smiled mischievously.

"Oh my god, I was just talking to him."

"Well, you should kiss him, he's handsome." She picks up her beer and offers me a bottle.

"You say that because you have a crush on his twin." I open my bottle as I watch Ana choke on her own beer and cast a quick glance at Josh. "Oh come on, you can't disguise yourself." I laugh slapping our bottles together before taking a long sip.

"I don't have a crush on him." Ana squirms in her chair uncomfortably. "He's the lead singer, he has several women after him, and he must have a superiority complex just like Poppy."

"He seems pretty cool!"

"Y/N! ANA!" Poppy's voice managed without louder than the music in the bar, causing us to turn around and find 10 pairs of eyes staring at us. "Are you guys deaf?"

As I run my gaze around the table I realize that all the boys' crew have left, now it's just us, the boys from The Struts and Greta Van Fleet.

"Hm, hey!" I reply before Ana has a chance to cuss Poppy out.

"We're going to karaoke, the bar closes early today." Gethin gets up from the table, being followed by his bandmates, Josh, Sam, Danny, Poppy and Lexa.

"I'm in!" Ana stands up.

"I'm going back to the bus, I don't have as much energy as you guys." I stand up grabbing my cell phone and wallet.

"Let's go together." Jake speaks and I realize that he was the only one who hadn't gotten up until now.

"Ok" I say trying to look calm and not knowing why I am nervous, like a teenage girl who likes the popular boy.

I say goodbye to everyone and when I pass by Ana she winks at me, in a not discreet way.

After we pay for our drinks, Jake and I head out onto the streets of Chicago to return to the festival.

"Excited for tomorrow?" Jake asks as we cross one of the avenue streets.

"For sure, tomorrow and our days will have the best shows!" I look at him. "I feel like I might faint just remembering that I'm going to see Steven Tyler live tomorrow." He throws his head back and laughs. "Now you think I'm some kind of crazy fangirl." I smile.

"Oh, of course not." Jake returns the smile by looking at me. "The chances of me passing out at the Stones concert are not small either."

"So, you're a 'fangirl' for Keith Richards?"

"Definitely." He laughs again shaking his head.

"Does that mean that for you 'team stones' is right?

"Well, it's certainly a tough contest, but yes 'team stones'." He turns to me with the corners of his lips raised. "Team Beatles?"

"And a George stan with pride." I smile and wink at him amused. "Okay, important question."

"Okay, speak." Jake runs his fingers through the strands of hair that fall down the side of his face.

"Pearl Jam or Nirvana?"

"Is there a right answer?" He asks and I arch an eyebrow at him. "Okay, hm, Nirvana."

"You had a right answer! And you got it wrong." I smile. "Come on, Eddie Veder is almost a God."

Jake laughs and brings his hands in front of his body in a sign of redemption. "I don't disagree!"

And then I realize that we arrived at the festival some time ago and are now facing my bus.

"Thank you so much, for walking me here." I say to him, climbing up the first step of the entrance stairs, almost standing the same height as Jake.

"You're welcome!" He gives me a smile and puts his hands in the pockets of his black skinny pants. "See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, sure."

You smile at him and Jake moves closer and deposits a kiss on your cheek.

"Bye!"

“Bye, Jake!”

[cablesscutie]

Oh could you do 3 or 17 for the zutara fluff prompt please?☺️

I love both of these- thank you! I'm going to save #17 for a little later, so here's #3: “You’re everything I could’ve wanted and more.”

PART 1 // PART 2 // PART 3

Zuko flips down the visor in his car to fuss with his hair one last time. Mai and Ty Lee had insisted that he pull part of it up to keep him from hiding behind his hair like he was wont to do when he got nervous. In this particular situation, Zuko found that it made him extra nervous to know that he didn’t have that security blanket, scar on full display. This was why he didn’t do blind dates. This poor girl was already suffering through the awkwardness of an ex’s wedding, and now she was going to have to do it while pretending to be vaguely attracted to him.

Her text the previous night had included a reminder of the time and address, as well as an apologetic note that, hey I’m sorry to heap more awkward on this, but apparently this ex is friends with another of my ex’s and it ended Badly...and I might’ve implied that you were a little more significant to me than a blind date? Really I’m so so sorry and I can tell them you have food poisoning or something if this is too awkward, but really all you have to do is not mention that we’re strangers. Sorry!! He’d had absolutely zero clue how to appropriately respond to that message. His first impulse had been to think that of course he didn’t want to pretend to be her boyfriend in front of not one, but two of her ex’s. But Mai probably wouldn’t see this as too much for the favor he owed her. Then his brain had flitted unwillingly to the Instagram account Ty Lee had showed him, and before he could stop himself, his fingers were tapping out That’s fine - see you then.

“Okay,” Zuko sighs, gripping the steering wheel until his knuckles go white. He closes his eyes and pulls in a deep breath, holds it, and on the exhale unclenches his hands and forces himself out of the car. The temple rises up before him in a series of spires and exterior staircases, terraced gardens overflowing with practical plants rising up around all of it. He follows the trickle of people who seem like they know where they’re going, glancing about idly for a familiar face.

She finds him first, which he probably should’ve expected given that his face stands out pretty clearly. She’s also more petite than he’d expected. If she weren’t wearing heels, the top of her head would probably tuck easily under his chin. Zuko shakes his head quickly to erase the thought before it can take hold properly, which unfortunately comes at the same instant that she asks, “Zuko?” and leaves her blinking at him in utter confusion. “Oh. I, uh.”

“I mean yes!” he rushes to correct, reaching out to grab her elbow as she starts to turn away. “Zuko. Me. I mean.” Fuck, he’s such a moron. He clears his throat and holds out his hand to shake. “Hi, Zuko here.” There’s a familiar and terrible heat in his cheeks and spilling down his neck, and he wishes to Agni not for the first time that he could be anyone but Zuko right now.

Katara laughs at him, as she should, but it is a kind laughter, all dimpled cheeks and sparkling eyes. The pictures hadn’t done her justice. “Hi Zuko,” she says, taking his hand and shaking it. “Katara here.” He can’t help but return her smile, goofy as it probably comes across. “Thank you again so much for coming to this shitshow,” she tells him as she drops his hand. “We should probably head inside - it’s starting soon.”

Zuko offers her his arm to be escorted up the stairs of the temple. It’s an old-fashioned gesture that has always gotten mixed reception, but Uncle has drilled manners into him so relentlessly that he always falls back on them reflexively when in a panic. Luckily, she slips her hand into the crook of his elbow with a smile, and his shoulders settle as he guides them both. Along the way, she catches him focusing on the planters, and asks, “do you like gardening?”

“My mother did,” he says reflexively, and he turns to her in time to catch the very moment she registers the past tense. He wants to kick himself for setting up pity or prying questions, but she just gives his arm a slight squeeze and says,

“So did mine. The flowers blooming every summer was her favorite part of the year.”

Usually, he is precious with his memories, but hearing the echo of his own grief in her wistful tone makes him actually want to share his mother with her. “She came from a family of traditional healers, and wanted to keep up the knowledge, so she grew all kinds of herbs and wildflowers that were used in old cures.”

She hums, and they walk along in silence for another moment before she says, “Did she teach you anything?”

“She started to.” It’s bittersweet, his mother’s unfinished legacy. “I have her books though, so maybe someday I’ll finish studying them.” Katara smiles at him, part sympathy, part understanding. Zuko’s heart pounds. When her eyes meet his, he almost wants to hide because it feels like she can see too much.

“Did you learn any cures for nerves?” Katara asks, the sardonic dip of her voice a gift to lighten the mood. Zuko smiles back, starting to laugh off the heavy conversation, but a flash of something catches his attention.

Katara’s eyes go wide as he lets go of her to crouch down and carefully pick a purple blossom. He does it just the way his mother had shown him, finding the right joint in the stem to make sure it will grow back, and with a gentle bend and twist, it breaks between his fingers. The fragrance follows him as he rises and offers the sprig of lavender to Katara. In trying to indicate that she should smell it, he almost shoves it up her nose when she leans towards it, but she giggles and wrinkles her nose adorably. Her fingers fold around his as she slips the stem out of his grasp.

“Thank you.

“Mom used to put a little vase of lavender in me and my sister’s rooms to help us sleep,” Zuko explained.

“I feel better already.” She sniffs the flower again as she slips her arm through his again to properly enter the ceremony space, her eyes fluttering closed for a fraction of a second that steals his breath away. This is actually going well, he thinks in utter astonishment. I keep tripping over my tongue like a moron, but for some reason she seems to like it. A voice in the back of his head that sounds uncomfortably like his teenage self sneers, Wow, she must be really desperate not to look single. Must be some impressive ex’s. Zuko’s heart stutters and slows back to normal. Right. This is a favor. He needs to focus.

Not least because his distraction causes him to walk right into the man who appears in front of Katara. “Sorry,” he says reflexively, stumbling back. Katara’s grip on his arm has tightened, keeping him from dragging both of them off balance. Despite her small stature, she is rooted firmly, anchoring them both. He realizes why as soon as the guy pretends to dust off his sport coat (which is not particularly neat to begin with) and purrs, “So Kat, this is the new guy?” as though Zuko isn’t even there. So this is the other ex.

“Zuko,” he and Katara say at the same time, in the same steely tone.

The ex looks briefly startled, but recovers enough to shake Zuko’s hand. “The name’s Jet.”

Zuko has never met Jet before, and yet he knows from the curl of his smile that he has made out with several Jets at various parties in college. “Pleasure to meet you.”

Jet squeezes Zuko’s hand a little harder, just to the edge of macho discomfort. “Pleasure’s all mine.”

Katara scoffs - almost inaudibly, but it’s there - and Zuko can’t help but look to her and say, “It would be, wouldn’t it?” It’s the kind of snarky remark he and Mai used to share under their breath at their parents’ insufferable dinner parties back in high school. The two women are nothing alike, but there is something similar to the ease he feels with his best friend as he stands beside her. She bites her lip, and her eyes glitter with silent laughter, and Zuko feels a much gentler heat kindling under his skin. Jet manages to look confused and dismissive in one twitch of his ridiculous eyebrows, but returns his attention to Katara undeterred. His eyes linger as they trace obviously over the v of her dress’s neckline and admittedly tempting curves draped in navy satin before he flashes her a pair of puppy dog eyes and asks, “Save me a dance?” When she doesn’t immediately respond, he tilts his head and entreats, “For old times’ sake?”

Zuko is irritated to once again be entirely ignored, and the possessive part of him wants to snap at Jet that all of Katara’s dances are already reserved for him. Hard-earned self control wins out though, and Zuko manages to remind himself that despite his attraction and the ruse he is meant to be perpetuating, he is not actually Katara’s boyfriend. There is no real reason for him to be upset if she chooses to dance with Jet. There are several reasons for the flutter in his chest when her expressive face hardens to stone.

There is no excuse or cutting joke, just one word, a complete sentence: “No.” She gives him nothing to play off of, no buttons to push or entreaties to make, and he backs down quickly.

“Oh. Uh. Okay, I guess I’ll just...see you at the reception?”

“Yeah, you’ll see us there,” Zuko cuts in, mouth stumbling ahead without him. He puts too much significance on the word us, but seems to bother Jet, and Katara leans into his side, so he figures it’s okay. Jet lifts his chin in a parting nod to him. Zuko just meets his eyes evenly as the other man turns away to find his seat. Shaking his head as he watches the guy go, Zuko says, “Pft. If your friend invited that guy, I think you need better friends,” because he has no filter. And then he remembers yet again that he doesn’t know Katara, much less her friends, and he is overstepping all over this situation. His free hand comes up to smack himself in the face. “Shit. Sorry I’m probably screwing this up so bad; I’m the worst blind date in history.”

A small, warm hand closes around his wrist and tugs his hand away. Katara shifts to stand in front of him, blocking the rest of the wedding full of strangers from his view as his attention narrows only to the bounce of her hair and the crescent of her smile.

“You’re everything I could’ve wanted and more.”

Here's the prompt list!

[something-very-special]

Impressions

I know I’m way behind on progression through Replicant (insofar as anybody can be ‘way behind’ in the sense of playing a video game for personal entertainment), buuuut I figured I’d share a few thoughts.

Presently I’m doing sidequest mop-up post-Barren Temple, for reference:

So just to get this overall out of the way, I am legitimately fascinated by the differences between NIER and Replicant. This is something I picked up on when I played RepliCant to grab footage for my LP, but given my extremely limited understanding of Japanese all I could get was the tone between characters and to my unpracticed ear they sounded pretty different. I always assumed that Weiss was somehow even more condescending to Brother and hah hah, wow. Even kind of expecting the dialogue and delivery differences I was not prepared for some of the dialogue and delivery differences. Weiss just straight-up insulting BroNier on the regular, not even doing sarcastic eye-rolls like he does with Papa. I don’t remember the exact line that set me off but somewhere in the Barren Temple I was just laughing my ass off at how much of a dick Weiss is.

Thought the ‘miracles’ conversation in the Junk Heap was interesting, too. I remember Papa Nier telling Weiss to stuff it because ‘those kids need a miracle’ and Weiss kind of backs down-- obviously doesn’t believe it, but he knows better than to push. And Brother tries but Weiss is just not having this optimism bullshit. Little things, but the tenor of the relationship is definitely different.

One of the more interesting aspects early on is the way the Lunar Tear is treated. Obviously I don’t know if this was part of the original game or a script adjustment, but Brother talking about the Tear as a source of money as opposed to Father saying it can grant wishes was interesting. Maybe it was to justify that Kaine just has a whole necklace of the damn things and therefore it’s rare but not literally magic, but it always sounded like it was just meant to be taken as a myth to me anyway. Then again, it’s established in the Grimoire that Brother has a fixation specifically on making money so he can support himself and Yonah (versus Papa Nier, who has obviously already established himself as an adult rather than a kid still figuring things out and hoping that enough money will solve all their problems).

Where the dialogue doesn’t diverge is interesting, too. Mostly I’m talking about the scene after defeating Hook. I always found Papa Nier exclaiming “You’re going to live, Kaine!” and “Yes, we’re friends now!” to be obvious holdovers from a younger protagonist just goddamn hilarious when Papa Nier is saying them. They’re still really funny with Brother Nier but just remembering Papa Nier doing the exact same delivery in his deep, manly voice just re-elevated the whole scene into comedy gold.

All of that is really why I was interested in getting the game so already my money is well spent. But there’s some other stuff:

They butchered the OST! ...or so people keep telling me on Youtube. I admit I do think the re-orchestrations is largely inferior to the original (although there are some that are at least as good in a different way, and whatever they did to The Lost Forest -- which was one of my least favorite tracks in the original -- I really enjoy) but I wouldn’t call it a butchering and I highly suspect that if I didn’t have the eleven years of the original OST and its association within the game itself I wouldn’t bat an eye, it still all sounds great.

Also, a weird observation, but I found that the soundtrack sounds much better coming out of the TV speakers than through headphones. I’m not sure if somehow it was optimized for play through external speakers, or maybe just not hearing the added orchestration right up against my eardrums, but when I went to the Lost Shrine with headphones on I was admittedly disappointed, but going to it again and listening through the TV it worked significantly better.

(I’m not sure if this is necessarily a factor, but the booklet in the White Snow edition mentions that the new soundtrack was all studio mixed rather than having the individual tracks layered. While I don’t think that would have an impact on music quality it almost definitely makes a difference in the way it’s produced.)

I miss chest-thrusting to double jump Movement overall feels much more refined and polished. It’s not as slick as Automata, but it definitely feels like a natural evolution of the original game, and as an apologist for NIER’s combat I can appreciate that. A little more responsive, I appreciate being able to move while casting magic, and it still has a bit of a crunch behind weapon impact (although I wish it felt a bit heavier).

But goodness I miss the stupid animation for double-jumping. I mean sure, an aerial somersault is a classic indication of a double jump, but I just loved that Nier would chest-thrust so hard he would break the laws of physics and ascend higher.

It also feels a bit like the aerial dodge was nerfed for movement purposes? I really don’t feel as much horizontal thrust to get a running start after diving off the Library balcony.

Fully voiced? Fully voiced?! I knew this was happening but I totally forgot until the NPC villagers started talking to me! Some of the incidental deliveries are a bit awkward, but as somebody whose glasses prescription is a decade out of date I appreciate this immensely.

The item guy in Seafront just being from the goddamn Bronx is a thing of beauty.

BroNier does fit into the Village better. One of the little details I love in the game is that each bit of civilization has its own style. The maps aren’t large enough to really convey how long travel takes, but the different styles between the Village and Seafront just kind of helped to ‘place’ the characters in a really neat, subtle way (Emil’s sash identifies him as ‘belonging to’ Seafront, which is actually pertinent when you get that sidequest where you find the letter from his science-mom in town! I assume she always wore a kicky sash when she went to work in the underground child torture bunker.)

Facade obviously also has their own style, but it’s... hard not to appreciate.

Papa Nier’s dress doesn’t really ‘place’ him anywhere, which doesn’t feel weird for the main character, and I feel like it’s implied that he isn’t really from the Village in a meaningful way anyway and kind of drifted in at some point after Yonah had been born. But younger Brother Nier is actually wearing the local fashion and it’s a neat little detail that I didn’t appreciate back when I played PS3 RepliCant. (Probably because I didn’t bother talking to any NPCs what with not being able to read the dialogue, so I never really had him standing next to anybody for long enough to process.) Older Brother Nier takes on a very different outfit that winds up displacing him from the rest of the Village (and any other towns), which is a pretty nice visual metaphor, too.

I have a confession to make. I still enjoy fishing in this game.

Yeah I said it. I’ll say it again too-- I like the fishing minigame. I happily blitzed through the Fisherman’s available Gambits, and then just caught five sharks while I was hanging out, and then also caught the sandfish ahead of time, and also wound up with a half-ton giant catfish (??!?) trying to remember where the black bass are located.

Cart me away.

Related but I laughed far too hard when the fisherman says “the WESTERN beach”. I wonder why they changed that line. I just can’t imagine.

And those seals. Always a delight to go to early Seafront and just plant yourself between a couple of seals. Watch the ocean. Listen to the music and the waves. Watch the seals lazily roll around and make cute seal barks.

The most depressing thing about the timeskip is losing those seals.

My garden--! The gardening timeskip exploit was fixed due to a difference in PS4 architecture. :/ I know there’s still an exploit involving time zones but I didn’t go in knowing that and I was horrified when I adjusted the system clock only to find my crops weren’t growing. Is Legendary Gardener still a trophy? Fffffuuuuu

My BARREN TEMPLE. The Barren Temple is, to me, a legitimately funny dungeon, between Sechs getting himself abducted, Kaine getting herself abducted and Nier and Weiss just sighing in resignation, and the whole concept of the rules-based challenges. And the adjustment they made to the Prince’s dialogue before you meet him is so good-- the original felt a little disjointed and felt like it ended with the Prince being confused. It was still funny, but here Weiss just gives zero fucks about insulting the Prince (and presumably knows that’s exactly who he’s talking to) and it’s just great.

And I say all of that because I just died laughing when I got to the infamous Racing Wolf room and saw they outlawed evasion.

Evasion works differently in this game anyway so you wouldn’t have really been able to do the same trick before (dodge roll; in the original release you would dodge roll forward by tapping the button, but a default evasion has you backstep. Of course you could arrange BroNier to face away from the trap and then evade, but it would be significantly dicier, and I feel like the pattern on the shots was awkward enough that you wouldn’t have an opening in the second row (and probably would’ve have dodged your ass right into the bullets anyway). But just that they acknowledged the trick and then flipped you off with it was amazing. Aggravating? My amusement far outweighed my frustration since the Defend trick was still solid.

It also felt like more rooms outlawed jumping? That I can’t corroborate (I was really focusing on whether they did something to Racing Wolf, which is of course the most traumatic of the rooms) but I feel like it wasn’t as easy to cheese some of those rooms as it had been previously.

Dark Blast is amazing. Cheesed the shit out of the actual ‘Evasive Mouse’ room, though. I remember having some difficulties when the miniboss shows up since you can’t dodge out of the way of his lava pillar attack, but I just circle-strafed with Dark Blast and he died comically quickly.

This is actually more relevant to the magic as a whole, but in the time since I first played NIER (so... probably the time I fifth played NIER) I learned more about the little intracacies of the magic system. Like, really little intricacies, like how you can use magic with just a button tap and it actually has different effects... like Dark Blast dealing significantly more damage. It’s not as easy as just holding down the button and getting the multi-shot off the charge, but for a single enemy like that just rapid-fire tapping the button chews through the lifebar.

This tap strategy is really appreciated for Dark Hand (forward thrust punch) and Dark Lance (which is even better thanks to the game’s lock-assist-- a much appreciated quality-of-life adjustment), and I look forward to getting Dark Execution because of its fast activation feature (spreading the lances in a forward cone in front of you, extremely useful for crowd control when you can’t afford to wait for Execution to charge up).

Fragile Delivery still sucks. I don’t know why I had such a terrible time with the first Fragile Delivery but I broke that... Ming vase or whatever you’re delivering half a dozen times. Send that guy a steel rug instead, Guard #3, he is not worth whatever piece of art you had me destroy six times.

And the game still holds up. This is probably a ‘needless to say’ thing but yeah, this is still a great game. I always have a little bit of apprehension going back to something I loved just in case there’s a rose-colored effect going on. Not that I really expected that to happen with this game (I’ve played NIER recently enough that I didn’t think nostalgia would blind me) but, you know, always a possibility.

(That and that the remaster would be... perhaps of dubious quality. It happens.)

Nope! Still engaging. Still charming. I’m always impressed to go back to this game with all the knowledge of its inevitable misery and remember that it’s also just plain funny. NIER is one of those games that’s just like I remember it but better every time I go back to it.

I’m so glad that Automata did well enough to spur greater interest in this game. It really didn’t get the chance it deserved back in 2010 and now it’s topping some of the sales charts. That’s fantastic.

Just... fantastic.

[mimik-u]

“Homeworld Bound” Thoughts:

I wasn’t going to watch this one today, but then I realized that I really missed the Diamonds and wanted to consume novel content, so!

OOH, good on the show for taking us directly to the aftermath of “Fragments” instead of putting space between the episodes. That’s just... a really good choice narrative wise.

Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl’s expressions are so distressing here. He’s been gone for three days; they must’ve been so worried.

Jasper steps aside to reveal an absolutely ruined Steven.

He just technically killed a gem and then resurrected her. How intensely will that forever lie on his psyche? Oh my g od

NO, NOT JASPER PASSIVELY MAKING THE DIAMOND SIGN IN THE BACKGROUND AUGH

“You can’t just disappear for days without telling us!”

Steven silent walking up to the Observatory as the Gems continue to freak the fuck out is harrowing. And Dee Dee Magno Hall is killing it with her voice acting here. The simultaneous fear and anger and horror in her voice. Oh my g d

“You guys... I love you, but you can’t help me anymore. I’ve been avoiding the only people in the entire universe who can.” 🥺 This is sad, but I’m also, like, problematic grandmas time!!!!!

“Find something better to do with your life.” God, Jasper’s look of disbelief and sadness here. I didn’t really delve into this during my “Fragments” watch because I was just roridoodwrjfkrkeke reeling, but her reaction to being accidentally shattered is psychologically devastating???? I’d wager that she simultaneously respects the fact that she’s been subjugated by a being more powerful than her, that she’s grateful to Steven for being both subjugator and savior, and likely, she’s conflating this new loyalty with her former loyalty for Pink. This is a really complex psyche (a tragic one most of all).

Garnet: “Steven, remember, we’ll always be your family.” I’m so fucki n emo

AWHWHWH, HOMEWORLD IS SO BRIGHT AND COLORFUL NOW!!!

YO!! Homeworld has a democracy now!! The Zircons!!!!!!!

THE WALL GEM IS MOVING??????? KWOEOEIDJDKSJS

Can u imagine being a wall cursed with sentience. that is so funny on so many levels

But it’s also really interesting, too. If the Wall Gem is a gem in the way say Topazes are gems, which, judging by her mobility, she is—then her explicit purpose in Era 1-2, as molded by presumably Yellow, was to b a wall omg. (Or, arguably, I think it can be argued that the inanimate object Gems, like Comby, were probably accidental sentient creations, made in relationship to their proximity to the Diamonds during their various secretion rituals!!)

Anyway, I love thinking about Homeworld worldbuilding. It’s fascinating.

SQUARE PERIDOT

SPIIIIIINELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

Her heart eyes!! She looks so happy!

Steven, angry af: “Spinel, what is wrong with you?” / Spinel: Oh, you know—the usual.” KEKDSKDK

Also, Steven really wanted to say fuck there. NEKDDKKSSKKS

“I was such a wreck then, but I am so much better now.” We stan character growth 😭😭

One thing I have loved the Crewniverse so much for doing is never taking away the physical signs of gems’ mental distress, even after they’ve gotten better: Blue’s eye bags, Volleyball’s eye, Spinel’s running mascara. That is so important.

YELLOW SITTING AT HER LIL VANITY!!

IT’S LIGHT INSIDE HER ROOM! THERE R FLOWERS! THRIVE, QUEEN, THRIVE.

YELLOW REVERSING HER GEM EXPERIMENTS OH MY G D

FUCKING QUEEN!!!!!!

(I’m sorry in advance. The rest of the live blog is just going to be screaming about the Diamonds.)

“I can permanently alter any physical form!” She’s so proud of herself. 😭😭😭 I fuckin’ love her.

Yellow laying down on the ground like that is SENDING ME SKSKSJSJ.

Ugh, and her being such a good mom to Spinel. I’m cry in f

“If anything’s out of proportion, it’s your temper. You can be big if you want to, or you can be small if you want to, but if you’re going to be upset no matter what, then this problem isn’t physical—it’s emotional. Go see Blue.”

I really like her advice here because it’s advice that comments so clearly on her own character arc. At her lowest, she was quick to anger, aggressive, and temperamental, which she diagnoses in Steven here. Additionally, she was the Diamond who was concerned largely with physical actions. She coped by maintaining the Empire through conquering planets and maintaining the minutiae of leadership; she thought the only way to receive justice for Pink was through the physical act of destruction. And in doing so, she pushed her own emotions deep, deep down until they manifested in anger, aggressiveness, and temperamental outbursts. This hurt the people she cared about, and it hurt herself most of all.

Also, “Go see Blue. That is her department.” Ejdoiddjdjjsjdjdks, “go see ur other grandma.”

BLUE FLOATING ON A CLOUD!!!!!

“Your powers have been causing you dramatic mood swings? That seems awfully troubling Steven.” God I love her

“You don’t seem troubled.” This is a really interesting line because it comments on how Blue’s emotions, especially her negatively charged ones, used to be so visible all over her; indeed, she both wittingly and actively used to project them on other Gems, forcing them to feel her suffering, too.

OH, SHE GOES ON TO SAY THE EXACT SAME THING EOEODODISSJJS. LISTEN, I REALLY VIBE WITH BLUE.

“Back before you came into my life, Steven, I wanted every one to feel the pain I felt. I realized I must make up for my awful behavior by bringing joy to others.”

Another thing I’ve appreciated about the writing in this episode: So far, both Blue and Yellow have used the adjective awful to describe their former actions. It’s the self-awareness and the refusal to try to excuse themselves that powerfully shows how much they’ve grown. And it’s their continuous endeavors to keep moving forward, to help the Gems that they’ve hurt, that indicates that they’re willing to constantly keep growing and atoning.

NFOFOFDKSSKSKSK, THESE CLOUDS ARE JUST HER VAPORIZED TEARS HELP.

Sick vape clouds, Blue

I’VE HEARD THE SONG BEFORE, BUT EVERY TIME SHE SINGS, I LOSE MY SHI T

LISA HANNNNIGAAAAAAAN

This is such a pretty line: “Cold palace walls, and endless empty halls, haunted by echoes of laughter.”

BLUE ASCENDING THROUGH THE CLOUDS AUSHAHHSHD

BLUE MAKING HEART CLOUDS FOR SPINEL!!

BLUE CALLING SPINEL N STEVEN HER LITTLE REASONS WHY.

“I’LL NEVER MAKE YOU CRY.” This line is particularly lovely because I think it plays well with Steven’s line to her in “CYM:” “How many times did you make her cry?”

BDJDJDJSJDJ, BLUE LAYING ON HER CLOUD LIKE YELLOW LAID ON THE FLOOR.

The way she sings the last “loving you.” 😭😭😭😭 I’m gonna weep. I love her so fucking much.

“I found happiness. If that's not something you think you deserve, then I suspect this is an issue of self worth. I suggest you go to White for assistance with such matters.” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 And like Yellow did, Blue gets to the heart of her arc cleanly.

Before Steven and before her own emotional reckoning, she didn’t think it was her place to be happy: “I know my purpose isn’t to be happy.” But in learning to love others, Blue has found true, inner happiness, which she literally shares with others. Wow.

And I think there’s something powerful in her distinction between true happiness and self-worth. You can’t find one without espousing the other.

White’s room is so pretty. 🥺

THE FLASHING STROBE LIGJTS DDNJDFJDJDNF.

SPINEL WHITE DIAMOND?!/!:$;8;83&:&:

SHE FUCKING LETS OTHER GEMS CONTROL HE R HELP.

SPINEL MAKING WHITE TAP DANCE FICODODOFODJDNDJSJDJDJJDDJDJ

Steven’s horrified expression omg

“I’m scared I’m gonna hurt people; I guess I already have.” God.

And that’s another thing that this episode has called to mind. Blue, Yellow, and White alike once used their insane powers to hurt other Gems and to hurt themselves, and here, throughout this series, we see Steven discovering that same capacity for destruction and self-destruction. Along with the systematic oppressions they facilitated, a big part of the Diamonds’ modus operandi was that their powers were directly correlated to their mental states and their various inabilities to confront their own selves and effect inner change. The corrective wasn’t necessarily Steven; the corrective was him helping them to do that initial act of introspection and looking inwards. And so, too, will Steven have to do the same by the end of this series. But I presume that his family, all the people and gems who have loved and cared for him, will in effect be his Steven, just as he has always been for them.

“Half a Diamond, half a creature of Earth—in all the universe there's no one else that could know what you’re going through, so maybe it's time you talked to yourself.” This is so viscerally sad. White hits the nail on the head here. Steven’s human friends/family and his gem family and even the Diamonds, who come the closest to matching his own strength, can never fully understand him. It’s the tension that underscores a lot, if not the entire show.

White briefly touches Steven with her nail, and you can viscerally see the trauma on his face; he hasn’t forgotten her act above all, wrenching his gem out, nearly killing him.

“I’m... I’m a Diamond.” Steven, in looking at White Diamond, realizes that she’s a mirror of himself. Holy fucking shit

“I don’t want to be you! I don’t want to be anything like you!” HOLY FUCKING SHIT

“Don’t hurt me! She can’t hurt me! I’m controlling her...” And here, Steven doesn’t light upon the essential thing... in making White punch the wall, nearly knocking a huge rock into him, he’s the one hurting himself.

This show, oh my g o d

“She’s the one who should be afraid.” STEVEN?!!!!????!??!

“No, stop it! I don’t like this!” / “Please, you’re scaring me.” OH MY GO D

HE FUCKING MADE HER SLAM HER GEM AGAINST A PILLAR HOLY HE LL

“What... what was that?” Christine’s delivery here. Holy shit. 😭😭 And both of them are surrounded in the carnage of Steven’s wrath. Holy fucking shit.

This act is fundamentally different than him accidentally shattering Jasper in “Fragments”; this was an intentional attempt to hurt White, to crack her, to break her. Holy fucking shit

Spinel, Blue, and Yellow waiting for Steven outside of White’s door has my heart a little and a lot tender 🥺🥺🥺🥺

SPINEL SINGING I CAN MAKE A CHANGE SO DRAMATICALLY DJDIDJDJDJDJD. (But yeah, lmao, this will absolutely be the conclusion of Steven’s arc at the end of Future.)

“Steven! Let us help you, Steven!” The Diamonds are so concerned (mirroring the Gems back at home, too). 😭😭

He leaves a flip flop behind like Cinderella lmao

“Steven, let us help you!” / “We’re your family!” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

And just as he implored the CGs, he tells the Diamonds not to follow him either.

Steven is completely and utterly alone.

Not by necessity.

But God, by choice.

Okay, this is my new favorite Future episode.