#and like. rock trolls are pretty hardcore

[warning-heckboop]

What if Floyd never went back to Branch not because he was unable to, nor because he didn't miss his baby brother, but because he was ashamed of who he'd become in the time since they'd last met, and he'd rather Branch remember him as he once was than see him as the disgrace he is now

[starrayblogs]

Not So Rock-Hearted || Floyd (Trolls) x Reader

a/n: hey! another one :3 lots of playful stuff in this chapter, i feel like i kinda wrote floyd out of character? but honestly if you really think about it, i don't think he was ever a shy guy so hm... well, have a fun read! likes and reblogs are appreciated as always

✩ previous chapter

ii. The Music's On

It’s the first day of the weekend. Barb agreed to let you ride to Pop Village every weekend to catch up with Viva, but that you’d need to be back by the morning of the weekday. Now you’re on your way to Pop Village with the sun high in the sky.

The sun was starting to set by the time you saw a pod. You pick up the speed on your motorcycle and start to see more pods. You’ve arrived back in Pop Village. Now, you have to look for Branch’s bunker. Poppy suggested having a party there to catch up quietly with just a small group.

You receive a few whispers and pointing fingers as you ride through the place, and you pick up the pace. You park your bike by a big stone, a bit further away from the pods, that has a rug that says ‘Go Away’. You chuckle at it.

“Now, where is Branch’s bunker?" You talk to yourself, stepping away from your bike to head to the village. Until you see a familiar troll with pink hair, not forgetting the white fade too. You raise your hand and give a small wave, which he returns with a smile. “Floyd, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Great. I just have a small question, do you know where Branch’s bunker is?” You ask.

“Oh, it’s… It’s right behind you.” He chuckles, pointing behind you.

You turn behind you and look at the rock up and down. “Pretty hardcore…” You give a nod of approval. “You got invited to the party too?” You turn back to him.

“Of course, I wanna catch up with my brothers.” Floyd walks past you to walk to the bunker. You follow behind him. You watch as he knocks on the rock, which produces a hollow sound like a door.

“Okay, this rock can’t bring me any more surprises.” You wave your arms away from you. A section of the rug slides open to reveal a set of eyes, causing a startled ‘what the!?’ to come out of you. Floyd hides his chuckle behind his hand.

“The rug had a surprise for you.” He comments.

“Real funny, Cotton Candy.” You roll your eyes at him while smirking before meeting the eyes under the rug.

“You two finally made it.” The entire rug slides away and reveals Branch, who motions for you two to hop down. You look to Floyd to see if he’d go first, but seeing as he doesn’t take the opportunity to jump right ahead, you jump in.

“You think you can follow that?” You cross your arms as you look up at him.

He lets out a snicker before jumping down like you. You give him a nod before turning to Branch. You watch him place the rug back in place before pulling a lever. The floor beneath you starts to move downward. “Man, you just get cooler.” You direct your eyes to Branch, leaning on the lever.

“Thank you.” Branch says, grateful, even giving a little bow. You chuckle. 

The platform stops, and you notice that you’re back on the ground, in front of a small group. There’s JD, Bruce, and Clay all together and poking around the stuff on the walls. Viva and Poppy are sitting on the floor, talking and giggling with each other.

The three of you catch the attention of the rest, who cheer at your arrival. Viva hops from the floor and rushes to hug you. “You’re finally here! We can get this party started!” She moves her arm around your side, walking you with her to Poppy.

“Welcome! We brought snacks, oh- and there’s a karaoke machine if we want!” Poppy pats the floor next to her before pointing to the mentioned karaoke machine at the side. You hum, removing your guitar strap and propping the instrument against a nearby wall.

“Snacks? You guys should’ve told me, I would’ve brought something.” You chuckle, taking a seat next to Viva.

“Please, it’s okay! Here, have some menudo from Bruce’s cantina.” Poppy gets up as quickly as she returns with a bowl for you. You nod your head as a thanks, blowing away the steam.

“Oh my gosh, I have so many questions! First of all, hello? You’re a rock troll! How’s that work?” Viva asks, sitting cross-legged and leaning forward to you.

“Oh, me too. I would’ve never thought you were one of us.” Poppy adds, lying on her stomach with her face in her hands.

“Well, I don’t know either,” you shrug. “Since I got to Volcano Rock City, I never really sang or did pop anymore? Kinda left it behind me…” You take a bite of menudo, nodding your head in approval at its deliciousness.

“Why did you go to Volcano Rock City?” Viva asks.

“I didn’t. At first, I left Pop Village to look for you…” You look quietly at Viva for a while before clearing your throat. “I lost hope after a while, but I didn’t want to go back to Pop Village. I didn’t want to see King Peppy after he lied about no troll being left behind. Next thing I know, I'd get left behind if there was another attack.” You scoff until you notice both of their connections to the man. “No offense, by the way.”

“None taken!” Poppy and Viva say in unison. “I get it.”

You nod your head. “So, after a few days wandering about in the wild, Barb found me. Took me back to her place, and I learned all about the different kinds of trolls.” You take another bite. “Then, I got a sick makeover.” You motion to yourself with a smile.

“You know, I haven’t really heard the other kinds of music…” Viva purses her lips, making eye contact with you.

“Viva, no.” You laugh, pointing the spoon at her. “I doubt there’s even a rock song in that karaoke machine.” You scoop up some menudo into your mouth.

“But you have your guitar!” Viva protests, and you raise a brow at her while you chew.

“You know, I don’t think I’ve actually heard a full rock song either.” Poppy encourages Viva’s prompt, which causes you to facepalm. Both of them begin to place their hands together in a pleading motion.

“What’s all this about?” Clay approaches your little circle.

“They’re trying to get me to sing a song.” You roll your head back to meet his eyes, before lazily facing the two girls again. “Still not happening, by the way.”

“Aww, amiga, please! It’s been a while since I’ve heard you sing too!” Viva shakes her conjoined hands at you, and you laugh a little.

“My voice is gonna be completely different from what you remember.” You prolong the last vowel with a playful smirk. “You might not like it.”

“What’s this I hear about singing?” JD joins in, along with the other Brozone bros next to him. You let out a mix of a groan and a laugh.

Poppy giggles, sitting up properly. “You’ve got an audience now, come on! You can’t keep us away from that rock’n’roll!” She says, raising her fist in the air.

“Mhm, mhm, yeah.” You set your finished bowl of menudo to the side. Eventually, almost all of them start to encourage you to play a song, and you keep nodding your head in amusement until you make eye contact with Floyd.

There’s a small smile on his face that pulls at you. 

You clear your throat and look away as the group quiets down for you to hear him speak. “You can’t follow up your stunt earlier?” He says with a teasing, but encouraging tone.

“Ha, of course, I can.” You send him a quick smile before rising from the floor, ruffling up your hair more as you make your way to pick up your guitar.

“Yes!” Viva cheers, even jumping from the ground a bit. “Wait, what stunt?” She turns to Floyd, who looks away and shrugs his shoulders.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you about my voice.” You point at Viva as you wear your guitar strap, adjusting the strings to make sure they’re good to play. You watch as Brozone sits down next to the girls, forming a little audience in front of you.

“This is exciting.” Bruce comments, and you chuckle. “I wonder what rock sounds like.”

“It sounds like this.” You start to play the notes of the opening on your guitar, breaking eye contact with them to focus on the music. Your foot taps to the rhythm, and your body rocks a bit.

Here I am Rock you like a hurricane

You can hear the ‘oh’s and ‘wow’s from the trolls in front of you, making you smile a bit.

Here I am  Rock you like a hurricane

You raise your head and exaggerate your expressions to the lyrics, leaning forward to interact with them.

My body is burning, it starts to shout Desire is coming, it breaks out loud Lust is in cages ‘til storm breaks loose

You smirk, pointing the headstock at a certain troll on the floor while you play the strings. You tilt your head to the side as you sing the following lyrics.

Just have to make it with someone I choose

You don’t look away when Floyd’s eyes noticeably widen, his posture straightening at the sudden pin of attention. You quickly pull the headstock away from him and focus back on performing the song, occasionally picking him out of the crowd again more often than the others.

You finish the riff and raise your head with a smirk, breathing heavily as you receive applause. “I hope you all enjoyed your premiere dose of rock’n’roll.” You pose the signature rock sign, before placing your guitar away again. 

“That was…!” Viva starts, but she stammers to find a word, before letting a hand out to you. “What is it you say!?”

“Sick?” You smirk, placing a hand on your hip.

“That was sick!” Viva’s arms raise to the sky again, a grin on her face. “Your voice is so booming, I would’ve never thought you could sing like that back then!” She waves her hands happily.

Your smirk turns to a soft smile at her words. “Thanks, Veev.”

“I was totally not expecting that.” Clay comments. “That was awesome!”

You tilt your head toward him and cross your arms. “I think I get to encourage a performance now.” You smirk, which makes the troll’s eyes widen in surprise. “Brozone, right? I’ve never heard a single thing from you guys.” You remark, setting your guitar up on a wall.

You watch as the brothers look amongst each other, considering if they should perform or not. Your eyes drift from Clay to Floyd, who immediately meets your eye. You smirk.

“You think you can follow after me?” You ask, and he gives a sided smile with a tilted head, before turning to his brothers again.

“I mean, why not? It’s only fair.” He encourages them, receiving an affirming response.

“While the night’s young.” You spread your arms to the side as if handing them the stage, walking forward to sit with Poppy and Viva as the audience. “You too, you know?” You tell the girls.

“Oh psh, that’s easy.” Poppy giggles. You watch as the karaoke machine is messed with by JD, who is finding one of their old songs to sing.

Eventually, they conclude and position themselves for the song. As the karaoke is set to go, their harmony surprises you as it overpowers even the set instrumental of the machine.

You watch them perform with a relaxed smile, your hands leaning behind you as your head slightly bops to the beat.

Did anybody notice?

You watch as Floyd dances in the center, making eye contact with you. He extends his arm in your direction with a smile and a glint in his eye.

The energy just shifted When we dropped in, ooh Let it drop in

You let out a small laugh to yourself as your shoulders rise to your neck. Your smile only widens when you subconsciously find your eyes focused on him throughout the entire performance.

Viva purses her lips when she looks at you, who doesn’t even notice her gaze. She turns to her sister, nudging her side and glancing at you again. Poppy follows her eyes, looking at you and where you’re looking. 

Poppy lets out a soft gasp, and Viva grins. Unknown to you, they gossip with each other while the music plays for the night.

✩ next chapter

[rocksibblingsau]

ok so I’ve still been thinking about what the rock version of fantastamazing is and I think I’ve finally done it. Hardcore and rock on to made hard-rock core on. Which sounds more like a hard rock vibe but I really want a rock version of fantastamazing cuz there just has to be and I wanna use it for how epic ur next chapter will be

I'll be honest you've stumped me so here's some common words Rock Trolls use when stuff's good:

Hardcore Rockin' Awesome Cool Bomb Killer Wicked

Hardrockin' and Wicked Killer are pretty good combos. Rocksome (Rockin' + Awesome) could be something.

[machiavellian-methylphenidate]

My headcanons as to what music the beta trolls like!

ARADIA: I had to think pretty hard about this one since I don't think about Aradia all that much, but I think she would listen to alternative rock... I'm thinking stuff like Pearl Jam and Foo Fighters. TAVROS: I think he would be into like two really different genres and nothing else. Like he'd be into ambient and breakcore and absolutely nothing else. Alternatively I think he would like video game soundtracks! SOLLUX: I honestly don't think Sollux would really be into music. Considering all the voices and stuff I think he would savor every moment of silence available. KARKAT: Tbh I think he would say he's into metal to seem more hardcore but secretly be into pop. I can totally see him listening to Britney Spears lmao. NEPETA: Digital hardcore, IDM, breakcore, techno... she would be all about that electronica shit!!! I think she would initially be really into animation meme music and then branch out into electronic from there! Alternatively, I can see her being into vocaloid!! KANAYA: I think she would like a lot of classical, but specifically orchestral with an emphasis on cello! I think she would appreciate the beauty and detail of the instrument itself. TEREZI: She would totally be into weird loud experimental shit. The kind of music you listen to and come out confused and with a bit of a headache. Stuff like KFC Murder Chicks, Xanopticon, and some Machine Girl would totally be up her alley! VRISKA: I know this is a common take, but I think she would be into pop-punk and grunge. She would be a huge fan of Avril Lavigne for sure! EQUIUS: Not many thoughts since I'm not a huge Equius enjoyer, but I think he'd take interest in nature ambient type stuff... not super musical but more environmental! GAMZEE: I'm not gonna say he would be into ICP because that's dumb and obvious. I think he would take interest in chiptune and bitcrush type stuff, the type that really scratches your brain. ERIDAN: He would be one of those music elitists that only listens to incredibly niche indie rock type stuff and then makes fun of you for not knowing about it. FEFERI: I think she would be the complete opposite of Karkat. She would pretend to listen to pop but actually listen to death metal on full volume. tysm for reading my ramblings have a good day :3

[trollex-is-gay]

Completely forgot to follow up to this post but HERE WE GO !!!

Also buckle up this post is long bc if there's one thing I will not do it is make brief post. Also I have a lot of opinions on this.

First off I have to put the one that's been on my mind the most: I think Velvet and Veneer would get on great with Electra but specifically two different versions of him. Velvet would vibe with pre-2018 rehaul Electra and Veneer would lean closer to post-2018 rehaul Electra. Both versions are major huffy puffy rich divas who don't like things not going their way, but post-2018 holds a slightly more mellow tone to him while still being just as much of an antag as his colorful counterpart, which I thing matches Velvet and Veneer pretty well. Idk if anyone else has noticed but Velvet has brighter and more saturated eyeshadow than Veneer in their final fits, at least it looks that way to me. Pictures for reference it makes more sense this way:

Second I have to mention one that's stuck to me hardcore and that's Poppy and Pearl but SPECIFICALLY post-2018 Pearl. Any possible starlight express fans seeing this post might think pre-2018 would be more sensible bc they're both pink but the thing is they have major personality contrasts. I think that post-2018 Pearl would get on better with Poppy because she has a younger and more peppier feel to her than her counterpart does, what she lacks in color she makes up for in being So Incredibly Confused all the time and honestly she just radiates Poppy to me far more than pre-2018, so yeah I think post-2018 Pearl would be good friends with Poppy. Hell great friends even. Though I ALSO think that Poppy would get along great with Rusty because he's a very excitable character and he has the EXACT determination and drive to succeed that Poppy has, the biggest difference between them though is that Rusty is a lot quicker to give up, he's got support but where Poppy has an entire kingdom at her back Rusty only had a handful of people and only two of them were complete steady support (I'm not knocking the Rockies bc their advice to him was genuine but hey read the room he knows the system sucks). Though on that note I think Rusty could get along good with Branch too, probably a tad bit closer with Poppy but they'd both be his pals in my eyes.

Poppy how come u get two cool train friends who happen to be a couple!!

Next up, I really do believe that both Greaseball and Flat-Top would get along with ALL of the rock trolls. But like specifically the rock trolls. Genuinely. Flat-Top would be more receptive to all of them while Greaseball would be less inclined to get personal with a lot of them and would chill better with the more titular guys like Barb. Flat-Top is just generally very punk and wild while Greaseball is very self-confident. I don't know how well Val and Flats would get on but I do believe he and Riff might get long better than he would any of the others. Greaseball would however get along best with Barb and mostly tolerate the others, maybe he'd enjoy Demo's company, but DEFINITELY not Blaze Powerchord. GB and Electra's rivalry is canon proof that diesel CANNOT STAND people as overconfident as he is.

^^^ pictured Barb and GB being silly because Greaseball's a self-absorbed dude and Barb is aggressive but what they have in common is they're actually goobers and few people truly see this. This is also part of why I think they'd be friends.

SAME PICTURE. Flat-Top is the brick truck on the left btw.

Anyway that's all I have for now it's like almost 11:50pm but I hope you see my vision and I hope I can convince people of each fandom to take a peek at the other bc as a trolls and starlight express fan I think these fandoms should have way more overlap, they're both goofy silly pieces of media that get looked down upon by the people outside of them for being fun and whimsical. Solidarity and all that.

[bad-girls]

Roll Call! All the Girls

Today we’ll be showing and exploring every Bad Girl! Enjoy!

1: Furia (Wrath)

Furia is a Furious Punk girl with a lot of spite and hate, particularly to authority like you. Her first choice for dealing with any problem is violence, or just anything she doesn’t like in general. She’ll probably swing on you a few times at least…

While animalistic she’s also loyal and will always be there for her friends.

Beneath her raging, primal surface lies a sensitive heart that’s lost faith in the world and doesn’t want to show it’s inner sadness. It’s up to you to get her to open up and heal from her past.

Tsundere Alert!

Likes: Pizza, Exercise, Punk Rock, Karate, Skating, Pirates, Wrestling, hitting things/people/you

Dislikes: Bullies, You, School, You, Sweets, You, Authority, You, Math, You

Crime: Murder (With a weapon we couldn’t possibly think would be deadly but somehow was)

Her Link:

2. Esme (Pride)

As egotistical as she is pretty, Esme is a spoiled rich brat who thinks she’s the best at just about everything. You’ll probably enjoy knocking her down a peg and getting rid of that pride.

While she may appear confident on the surface she’s far more insecure inside and has a need for validation. Whether or not you give her that will change her treatment of you.

It will take time, effort, and discipline to get her to open up. She needs some strictness to learn.

She isn’t all bad, she may have been spoiled but she was never given her parents love. This created a need for validation and attention.

Likes: Volleyball, Gum, Fashion, Social Media

Dislikes: Bugs, Nerds, Trolls, Discipline, Work, Country music, Being told no

Crime: Assault with a Firearm

3. Redi (Lust)

Unlike the last two, Redi likes you… a lot. She desires you badly. She has a lot of desires, power, pleasure, and more, but you’re the biggest. Careful because she’s charming disarming and sweet but way more cunning and manipulative than appears at first glance.

She’s never truly had a home in her life nor someone who truly cared for and loved her. She sees being in the facility as a chance for both and hopes you will love her as much as she loves you as well as her alone. If not she’ll definitely try to get your attention hardcore.

As she’s quite lustful, the usual punishments will not be so effective and will only serve to excite her, so you’ll need to get creative about discipline and rehabilitation.

Likes: Hearts, Chocolate, Spicy food, Samurai Movies/Games, Exercise, Bunnies, Making Jewelry, Racing

Dislikes: School, Boredom, Being Alone, Rudeness, Bitter Food, Her Past

Crime: Theft

4. Eris (Envy)

Eris is as jealous as they come but acts cute, sweet, and innocent. Most people consider her a pure and kind little Neko who couldn’t hurt a fly. In reality, she is as evil, corrupt, and cold as they come.

Her personality is a fake persona. She’s really a violent ruthless and uncaring girl who would kill you without a second thought and not feel guilty or really anything after.

Fortunately for you, she doesn’t want to hurt you. Very unfortunately for you, she is obsessed with you and highly possessive and envious. You are the one thing left that brings her a genuine feeling of love and comfort, and she’s going to have you be hers alone no matter what it takes.

Yandere alert!

Also yes, Neko’s exist in this universe.

Likes: You, Her Mom, You, Sewing, You, Stuffed Animals, Apple Juice, Violence, You

Dislikes: Her Dad, Wealthier People, Cuter People,

Crime: Murder and Conspiracy

5. Plum (Gluttony)

Plum has an addictive personality. A really bad one. Her addictions include eating, alcohol, partying, the internet, shoplifting, and party favors too. Especially Xans. Dang!

Her parents were both overweight alcoholics and she picked up their habits at much too early age. They were loving and raised her well otherwise so she is compassionate and social. Honestly she doesn’t need to fix her personality like most the other girls so much as she needs to kick her habits and stop being impulsive. And get over her deep guilt over what she did that got her sent her…

She’s still very rebellious and not going to just sit back and listen to you, she’s moral but she’s bold from standing up to bullies in her past, you’ll need some time and probably punishments to get her respect. She also has a big secret I won’t spoil…

Likes: Anime, Video Games, Comics, Partying, Cafés, Archery, Excitement

Dislikes: Orders, Bullies, Police, Gossip, Religion,

Crime: Crippled Someone

6. Ava (Greed)

Ava is well, frankly impossible. Super greedy, absolutely entitled, and completely raised to be ruthless and self-assured. She’s got as high confidence as she does IQ but she sees kindness as weakness and sees her as above you.

She’s the heiress to the Ziria Corporation, an international multimillionaire Hardware company that’s not exactly known for their compassion. They’re corrupt and vicious. The current CEO, her father, I taught her that the only thing that matters in life is success, be it in money, power, or progress. Everything else is nothing, all that matters is upwards mobility and gains. She’s as cold, calculated, and manipulative as he is.

To make things way worse, her dad has donated a lot of money to the facility and as a result she has both privileges and authority no one else has. She’s more than willing to use her power over you to her advantage.

A spoiled, material girl who thinks kindness is weak is definitely going to need some serious discipline to change but her position makes discipline basically impossible…

Likes: Money, Power, Judo, Jewelry, Milk, Sci-fi movies, Cars, Drones, Computers, Stocks, Art, Feeling superior

Dislikes: Feeling Inferior, Being Questioned, Bugs, Meat, Compassion, Weakness, Bad Manners

Crime: (File Mysteriously Erased)

7. Lunar (Sloth)

Lunar, the little Fox girl, sleeps all day and night, only staying up for about three hours a day (And not consecutively) and spending all that time watching Mecha Anime and playing video games. She lacks any real motivation or direction.

Her parents never gave her any attention no matter what she did, be it good or bad. She gave up and realized since she was never rewarded nor punished she could just do whatever she wanted, and so she became very lazy.

Unlike most of the other girls, Lunar doesn’t have any reason to dislike you nor the facility, and so she is not hostile. She’s still very lazy and refuses to do any type of school work or work in general, as well as refusing to stop being lazy.

Truly kind at heart, Lunar is a pure fox girl.

Likes: Strawberries, Smoothies, Naps, Anime, Video Games, Gems and Stones, Plushies

Dislikes: Exercise, Punishment, School, Spicy Food, Realistic Movies, Loud Noises

Crime: Assault with a deadly weapon

8. Jules (Youth)

Jules is unique from the other Bad Girls in that she is not based off a Deadly Sin but on a big theme of the Bad Girls series, redemption.

Jules grew up to be a miserable criminal and ended up shot dead by her crime boss. As she died she thought about how miserable her life was and how much she regretted. She wished she could have led a different life and closed her eyes ready for her end, but when she opened them she was over ten years younger and in the juvenile facility of her past. It was her second chance! The powers above gave her her dying wish.

Now she’s ready to listen to you completely and try to work on herself as a person until she has healed from all her past trauma and get rid of her flaws. A sharp contrast from the other girls she is ready to work on herself. The challenge is not in her resistance but in helping her face her demons and win.

Mature, insecure, gloomy, but hopeful and bold she is a complicated individual with many layers she’ll need to work past. She also is not resistant to discipline or punishment as she sees it as necessary for growth so she’ll be fine with it and may even request or enjoy it…

Likes: Painting, Writing, Singing, Animals, Nature

Dislikes: Her Past, Herself, Pasta, Crowds, Judgement, Insensitivity, High Heels

Crime: Murder with a potentially deadly weapon

And that’s all folks! (For now)

More girls are planned to be added in the future but this is the starting 8 girls. I hope you enjoyed getting introduced to each and their various traits and vibes. Expect more content including more detailed looks at each and stories/Epic Art soon!

Here have two special images for you before you go! You deserve it for reading all that. Starring Furia and Redi!

[giveamadeuschohisownmovie]

I don’t watch the Oscars anymore (gave up when “Crash” beat “Brokeback Mountain”), but from what I heard of this year’s Oscars, it sounds like a trainwreck:

1) They put up two meaningless awards which are pretty much Twitter polls. I mean, “Cinderella 2021″ being on the list is obviously the work of trolls and hardcore Camila Cabello stans. “Army of the Dead” winning the fan favorite movie award is obviously the Snyder fans spamming the polls. And then there’s “Minamata”, which is just randomly on the list because of what I assume is the film school side of Twitter.

2) Will Smith slapped Chris Rock on live TV. 

This sounds less like the Oscars and more like the MTV Movie Awards.

[geekgirles]

Rock! Branch AU

Headcanons:

So I was personally inspired to do this after seeing @emilybandicoot1234 's fanart of it some time ago. Although, admittedly, it was just a matter of time before AUs like this starting popping up. So I enlisted my good ol friend @foxlanaeshrek , like, "Hey, Shrek! Wanna come up with headcanons for a Rock!Branch Broppy AU?! :D", and, of course, because she's an angel who puts up with me, she said yes. Thank you, darling. Love u.

And, finally today, thanks to @pinkglitterings ' latest drawing, I decided it was high time I wrote down what we came up with. Don't worry, we thought of this a long time ago, so there won't be any spoilers besides what's been featured in trailers.

So here it is:

Branch is 100% Rock Troll. He was born as a Rock Troll, in Volcano Rock City, from Rock Troll parents.

Because there's no way we'd ever let his genius go to waste, he's an important member of Barb's crew. Either the head of her Engineering Department, or her army's captain. Whatever it is, the boy is important for the plot.

And because he's one of her more trustworthy men, Barb orders him to deliver her message to the Pop Trolls.

So he's there, in the outskirts of Troll Village, waiting to seize the perfect opportunity to shoot an arrow with the message that'll, hopefully, make those rainbow nerds stop singing. If you can call that singing.

But as he waits, he spots this divine creature. Her skin the most beautiful shade of pink, resembling that of dawn. Her ridiculously perfect face covered in countless glittery freckles, shinier than the stars in the night sky. Her eyes the most inviting pool he's ever seen. And her smile... Oh, dear God, her smile... He is convinced he's never seen anything more breathtaking in his entire life.

Aaaaaand that's when he spots her crown.

Shoot!

She's the Pop Queen!

Shoot!

He still hasn't delivered the message!

Fuck!

He's been drooling over the QUEEN of the rainbow nerds!

So he shoots the arrow and makes a run for it.

Of course, after his first encounter with Poppy Branch is trying to convince himself that it was a fluke. There's absolutely no way he's caught feelings for the Queen of the Pop Trolls. No way.

Except he has.

And it certainly doesn't help that Queen Barb has ordered him to tail her and her group as they try warning the other tribes of the Rock Trolls' plans.

It also doesn't help that a) EVERYTHING Poppy does is utterly adorable, and b) (because this simply must be canon in all universes) Branch is pretty much a goner the moment she loses it and tries to strangle someone with her hair (bonus points if it's someone Branch doesn't particularly like!).

Yes, angry, homicidal Poppy is 100% Branch's kink in any known universe. Sorry, I don't make the rules!

As much as Branch's mind is telling him that his mission is to capture Poppy, his heart just can't bring himself to. So the moment Poppy is ultimately captured, his heart sort of breaks in two.

Thankfully, no one's noticed his shameful crush on the Pop Queen, so Barb still assigns him to guard over her before her plan can truly begin.

He does everything in his power to be professional for once ever since he's first met the pink goddess he's supposed to watch over, but fails miserably.

One way or another, they start talking. Then, the talking becomes shameless flirting, like their usual banter, so it doesn't really arise suspicion. Certainly not from Poppy. And because he just can't keep his goddamned mouth shut, before he can stop himself, Branch ends up reciting her poetry. Those darned verses about how perfect she is that've been playing on his mind on repeat ever since he first laid his eyes on her.

Of course, Poppy's like, "What?"

And Branch is like, "What?!"

And he panics. Not only because he finally realises he's been shamelessly flirting with the prisoner, but because he's recited POETRY to her! And Rock Trolls consider poetry to be extremely shameful. Something so corny only weaklings would do it! So Branch had been hiding his talents for years. And now he's shared them! With his enemy! Oh, she's sure gonna make a mockery of him!!

Except she doesn't.

No. Instead, she gives him the sweetest smile, her eyes shimmering more than ever, and tells him, in the most velvety voice imaginable, "Wow... That was beautiful... Thank you, Branch. Your eyes are mesmerising, too."

Oooooookay. He's officially smitten. He's besotted. The boy's 100% in love with a pop troll and 200% willing to die for her. That's it.

Dating Rock! Branch and Pop! Poppy headcanons:

After they end up together, Branch gets a tattoo of Poppy.

It could be anything!

The classic arrowed heart with her name in it.

Her smiling face.

Verses either of his poems of her, True Colours, or Perfect For Me...

And as for where he'd have it... I'm a tattooed arm kinda girl, while @foxlanaeshrek suggests he wears it on his chest. And I have also received requests that he wears it either in his ear or... his butt (and the person who came up with this knows I'm talking about them xD).

Shrek also came up with a wonderful idea: Branch tries serenading Poppy with love songs... Rock love songs... (I will never give up my headcanon that they sing I Was Made For Loving You by KISS. EVER)

Needless to say, Poppy's shocked at first, but being a certified sucker for romance, it doesn't take long for her to swoon at her boyfriend's beautiful voice 😍😍😍

After starting to date Poppy, Branch works super hard to keep his reputation as a hardcore, edgy lone wolf intact. And for the most part, it works! ...But as soon as Poppy so much as touches or kisses him (cheek, lips, temples... you name it), he immediately melts. A little bit of affection and he becomes putty in her hands.

That's all for now! Thoughts?

[peri-space-dorito]

Things noticed so far about the Trolls 2 trailer and some speculations (Part 2) (SPOILERS)

I found the photo of the long ass legs girl:

Apparently her name is Legslie?

Something else I want to talk about briefly that might mean nothing but I still noticed:

This. This is obviously from their pinkie promise, or a pinkie promise somewhere, but also this scenery is different from that of which where the pinkie promise took place. So what’s going on here?

Also:

Obviously it’s not hard to predict that Barb ends up pretty successful in her attempts to get the strings of the other trolls, but here’s her getting the Classical Trolls’ string. I wonder what that is she’s breaking? A noodle? The conductor’s stick thing that I’m sure has a name but I have no clue what it is?

——

After taking a brief look in the recents of the Dreamworks Trolls tag, I came across this:

Credit to @solidburnreturned

So? There’s this to think about? And I’m certainly not opposed, though getting over Broppy may be difficult, especially since it’s been all we’ve had to run on pertaining ships in canon, so this will be interesting if it’s actually true and not an edit

EDIT: lots of people are saying this is an edit! So, we can probably ignore it/disregard it!

——

There’s also this:

Edit: I also just. Wanna say. How tf do these tiny mfs go that far. We all saw how big just the woods they live in is in the first movie in the scene where Chef sees them from a distance. how do they get that far. can they really do all that in a hot air balloon? what?

Not much to go over other than this kinda confirms the Techno trolls live in the water, but I just wanna point out that I absolutely love the fact that they’re fleshing out the universe and lore for trolls way more in this movie. We had to speculate so much before and we’re actually getting some answers now

Though, my next point, which might also just chalk up to plot convenience:

If the Techno Trolls are underwater, how is Barb breathing? Is that a thing Rock trolls can do? Is she just that hardcore? Or is there more to this?

And I also wanna say I really appreciate the diversity in the way the trolls look (not counting how similar rock and pop trolls appear)

Techno Trolls look like mer-trolls, Country Trolls are like centaurs, Classical trolls are like angels, Funk trolls are.. like.. alpacas? Llamas? I remember this being talked about at one point, at least the inspiration behind Cooper’s design, it might be on his wiki. Though, that just made me think of something - he said in the first movie his “uncle broke his neck tap dancing once.” Was he adopted, maybe? Or did his uncle look like him? Did a whole group of funk trolls join the pop trolls and maybe Cooper is the only one left alive or who hasn’t left?

——

I would also like to add that, as @elceetheporcupine added in a reblog to part one, perhaps the rock trolls and pop trolls were the same tribe at one point? Though in the trailer, it showed all 6 “ancestors” contributing a string.. history can end up skewed, though, and that story is being told by King Peppy

——

Edit (I’m sorry I keep thinking of stuff to add lol):

I wonder the significance of trolls like Tiny Diamond (Hip Hop troll) and the Smooth Jazz troll. What category do they fall under? Are they their own type of troll? Could they also be a key in the turning point of the movie, along with the Lyre?

——

Part One

Please reblog this or take screenshots and share to different platforms! I haven’t seen anyone talking about this stuff and I know the fandom is kinda dead but!! Rise up!!! We got lots to talk about!!

Branch/general trolls theory

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 144: Kirishima Flashback Part 1

Previously on BnHA: Chance the Rappa and Fat the Gum prepared to have a punching match while Tengai and Kirishima stood there and watched. Rappa punched Fat Gum like 600 times as Kirishima looked on, feeling increasingly powerless. Finally his shounen instincts couldn’t take it anymore and he leapt in there to take some of the blows for FG. Rappa was impressed by his durability, but things weren’t looking too good, as Kirishima’s hardening kept reaching its limit and breaking only for him to turn it back on again. Having been all but turned into a bloody pulp, he finally tried to counterattack, only to have Tengai step in with his stupid barrier. Fortunately, Kirishima’s intervention gave Fat Gum time to charge up his attack power, and as Kiri fell, FG stepped in ready to kick some ass. Oh, and he’s hot now. All of a sudden, just out of fucking nowhere. Shit’s wild.

Today on BnHA: Hot Gum gets ready to punch some bad guys as reality abruptly gives way to a sudden Kirishima flashback. Middle school Eijirou tries to defend a hapless kouhai from some thugs, but is shown up by middle school Ashido Mina, who effortlessly befriends the thugs and teaches them the error of their thuggish ways. Everyone is all “oh shit Mina is awesome”, and Kiri thinks that he himself is pretty lame in comparison. He knows his quirk is nothing special, and he’s trying to compensate by having a manly spirit just like his hero Crimson Riot. Later on while walking home, he stumbles across an intimidating villain confronting two girls from his school. No heroes are around, and he knows he should step in and try to help, but he finds himself frozen in fear. Luckily, Mina arrives to save the day again and sends the villain on his way. Later that night, Kiri sits in his room thinking about how his manly heart failed when it really counted, and miserably crosses off U.A. from his school aspiration report.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 175 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

two chapters in one day?? is it just because Fat Gum is that hot? maybe. maybe it is

“Red Riot” is the chapter title; that’s very promising

anyway so Hot Gum is all rarin’ to go with his punchin’ fist

incredibly, Rappa is actually asking Tengai to lower the barrier. seriously, this type of villain basically does all of your work for you

Tengai is saying that Kirishima’s thrilling heroics in the previous chapter must have been intended to set up this attack

but Kiri’s thinking that’s not it at all, and that he was just scared

“again...”

oh my god. this is a flashback. we ‘bout to get that good angst, aren’t we

I guess this is Kiri’s middle school

some thugs are picking on a child who has a quirk that lets him transform leaves into sweet, sweet cash. omg. are you serious

oh wait, he says it’s only a temporary transformation. dang

is he supposed to be a tanuki or something. he doesn’t really look like one, but he’s kinda got similar ears, and there’s that shapeshifting leaves connection too so idk

lol actually I just read the translation notes and they’re confirming that he is indeed a tanuki

the thugs are all “we’ll just spend it before it turns back” but obviously that’s. not nice

and here comes our boy!

this motherfucker really does dye his hair. I can’t fucking believe it. that’s such a nice character touch because it’s totally unnecessary but it’s just a nice little additional character detail

anyway, he’s charging at these guys in hardened mode but one of them is chucking a rock at his face. which fucking hurts

wow, he was this weak as recently as his third year of middle school? if that’s the case, he’s gone through almost as rapid of a transformation as Deku

oh my god the thugs just picked up the weird little tanuki kid and are scampering off with him while Kiri is all “HEY WAIT”

what the fuck

were they watching the whole time?!

...

damn, Kiri’s friends need more spine

it’s so weird how he’s now best friends with a guy who not too long ago was not all that different from those thugs. and yet, maybe not that weird after all, because even at his worst, Bakugou was still a hell of a lot more honorable than these guys seem to be

now Kiri is dashing off heroically

I really want to meet Crimson Riot. although the way they talk about him makes me wonder if he’s an older generation hero and maybe retired now or something. but then, Gran Torino is getting on in years too and he still kicks ass, so

OH MY GOD WHAT

MINA!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE CRASHING KIRISHIMA’S FLASHBACK

ALSO, YOU TELL THOSE THUGS OFF GIRL. FUCK YEAH

OH MY GOD

oh my god

what in the name of

lol are they best friends now

just. fucking Mina. we don’t deserve her

now the bullies and the leaf kid are walking off sparkling and waving back at Mina

my god. send this girl off to Tomura and let her just befriend him and all of his stupid hands. problem solved. I fixed your manga for you

Kirishima are you appropriately impressed by Mina’s outrageous big dick energy

he and his buddies are watching as Mina’s friends come up and ask her if she wants to come with them to that shop and she’s like “yeah!”

they’re saying she’s gonna be one for sure. a hero, that is. presumably

yep

Kiri’s mildly annoying friends are talking about how heroes these days are different from the ones in the past. “it’s all about entertainment and approval ratings”

and they’re saying that Mina is a perfect fit for the job

and while I can’t argue that Mina is going to make a phenomenal hero, Kiri is feeling a little down on himself now, thinking that he’s just “kinda dull and boring”

damn, who would have thought Eijirou of all people would have self-esteem issues. I mean, we’d gotten some hints previously, especially a few chapters ago when we flashed back to their special moves training and he was thinking how plain his quirk was compared to the rest. but this is more than I thought

by the way I really don’t have room for all of these adopted kids

also, are they trying to imply some sort of Kirishima/Ashido thing here now? I feel like they’re slowly but surely pairing off all of the 1-A girls one by one. Ochako with Deku, Momo with Todoroki, Jirou with Kaminari, and now this. this leaves us with just Tsuyu left, basically. (and Hagakure, but I still think she might be the traitor, so)

(ETA: and how could I forget that she’s paired up with Ojiro? so that really is all of them accounted for except Tsuyu. I swear to god, if Horikoshi so much as sneezes in a way that implies he’s considering pairing her off with Mineta, I will fucking learn Japanese and move to Japan and become a Japanese citizen and go to Japanese law school and become a Japanese lawyer and sue the fucking shit out of him for everything he’s worth until I fucking own the series and can pair her off with the mongoose snake girl. don’t test me, sensei. this is a little frog girl’s life on the line here and I will fuck you up.)

but anyways, try as they might, I doubt most of these vaguely “official” het pairings stand even the ghostest of chances against all of the glorious gayness that this fandom has embraced

so now we’re cutting to a one-panel training montage of Kirishima doing pushups and hitting himself with a stick and doing sprints and shit

and all the while he’s thinking of his hero Crimson Riot, who apparently said that as long as you have a manly spirit, it doesn’t matter what your quirk is. aww

so now Kiri’s friends are discussing what they’re gonna put on their career sheets, and which high schools they want to apply to

Kirishima’s acting like he hasn’t decided and doesn’t already have his heart set on U.A.

aww, he’s patting the sheet in his pocket which has U.A. written on it as his preferred school

now he’s walking down the street wishing that he had more confidence

you know, the more I see of flashback!Kirishima, the more I understand why he was so quickly drawn to Bakugou. he naturally exudes the self-assurance that this Kiri wishes he had more of. it’s similar to the reasons why Deku was drawn to him too

also, here’s a big dude in a lumpy cloak who just appeared out of nowhere and what the hell

holy shit

for a second I thought he was transforming into something because the outline of his cloak was so weird, but nope, looks like he just has some sort of massive troll body

anyway, Kiri’s looking over and realizing that those girls that this dude is terrorizing are from his middle school

and once again there are no pros in sight. there never are

now the villain dude is touching the wall and it’s cracking

Kiri’s thinking the exact same thing as me about the pro heroes. I kid you not

because pro heroes are the worst, Kiri. well most of them anyway

(ETA: and it’s fitting that later on in this chapter, Kiri mentions that one time that about a half dozen heroes all gathered around to watch a fourteen-year-old boy nearly suffocate to death because they were all afraid to get too close to his quirk. thank fuck for the Minas and the Dekus of the world)

he’s looking around frantically and thinking “somebody...!”

and then realizing there is nobody and he’s gotta do this himself

but he’s frozen in fear omg

HOT DAMN BUT LOOK WHO IT IS THOUGH

NO ONE TOLD ME THIS KIRISHIMA FLASHBACK WOULD RESULT IN ME BEING CONVERTED INTO A HARDCORE MINA STAN

OH MY GOD

SHE’S GIVING HIM DIRECTIONS. TO THE HERO OFFICE. THAT HE WAS ASKING ABOUT EARLIER

sflkahd

I’m fucking speechless

(ETA: ...hold up. holy shit.

that profile. the radio hanging from his neck. that face. those lumpy rock shoulders. holy shit. this is that guy. the guy we saw again in 162. Giganto something. holy shit.

this guy took out half a fucking mountain and nearly killed Gran Torino and Naomasa. Gran referred to him as an it. this fucking guy is one of All for One’s direct subordinates. and fourteen-year-old Ashido Mina just stood her ground against him and didn’t back down.

yet again I’m fucking speechless. damn but this girl is so much more amazing than she’s been getting credit for. also I’m just gonna file away everything that we just saw here, because we all know this guy is going to become a big deal probably in the near future. I can’t believe I didn’t even make the connection the first time around.)

y’all think I’m kidding about siccing her on Tomura. I’m not. this is the way to go guys. this is how we win the day

and now she’s collapsing from fear and crying about how that was so scary

and her friends are embracing her and thanking her for saving their lives, and they’re all crying together

I can’t believe Ashido Mina is my new favorite character. well actually I can. how far out is the next character poll? I think still a good thirty or forty chapters out, but just you wait. this girl is going places

(ETA: I regret to announce that, after ranking Mina at a pitiful #36, behind Mineta and fucking Overhaul, Japanese BnHA fandom is cancelled. or at least the ones who voted for the aforementioned two are. more than a thousand people voted for You’re Damn Right He’s The Best Fucking Jeanist, though, so in the end I still can’t be too mad.)

Kirishima are you in proper awe of Mina’s massive, huge, just totally fucking colossal dick energy yet?! bow down to it!!

he’s still standing frozen across the street, just staring at them

and he’s berating himself for just standing there and not taking action

now it’s later that night, presumably, and he’s sitting at his desk staring at his career sheet or whatever you call it. “aspiration report”

holy shit he’s thinking about Bakugou, somehow, even though he hasn’t even met him yet. and Deku too

Deku out there inspiring people even before becoming the Symbol of Peace Jr. was ever even on the table. what a legend

Kiri is miserably thinking to himself that not even his heart was up to snuff. boring quirk, timid heart

oh no he’s picking the pencil up and I think he’s gonna erase U.A. from his number one choice

except that can’t be right, unless we’re about to cut back to present day!Kiri and shockingly find out that him attending U.A. has actually been a 140-chapter dream sequence this entire time. whaaaaaaaaat

but he really is crossing it out!

I can’t. I don’t. where am I going to put all these sons. too many sad children

also this chapter was only 13 pages long what the fuck

and now there’s an omake corner??

oh my god it seems like the scanlators took it upon themselves to fill up the additional space with translations from the official character book!

this is awesome. but it’s also way too long for me to read right now, so I’ll have to come back to it. maybe do it as a separate post if I get into it

(ETA: so I most definitely am going to do a separate post on the character book, but I’m not sure when that will be. I have the whole thing downloaded, along with as many translations as I can find, so it’s mostly just a matter of finding some time and energy to do it. it will mostly just be me nerdily comparing the characters’ stats and also going “omg you guyyyyyyyys” at that one concept art picture of Shouji without his facemask lol.)

BONUS:

KIRI COSTUME :D I’ve actually done a fair bit of wondering exactly what all this stuff does, so I’m excited to finally see!

so apparently the headgear is supposed to protect the weaker spots on his face. I like how the explanation acknowledges that it rarely works :’)

and here we go, an explanation for the arm covers which were a new addition during the provisional license arc!

so apparently they’re to help protect the people he rescues from getting hurt if he has to carry them. that’s so thoughtful. here I thought he was just getting cold lol

I love his reasoning for wearing a deliberately tattered-looking costume. just embracing it as part of his look. Deku might want to consider a similar strategy at some point

the “manly justice” theme is just perfect. although ngl, I would have also enjoyed if we kept our usual naming conventions and these were referred to as kimipads, kimicovers, etc. but this works too, and it fits him to a T

I hope and assume that the double exclamation points are part of the official name. not just manly justice, but manly justice!! !!!!!!!

[unitatotato]

Anyone had a great weekend? Played some Mirror Games? I did and many (haha). Yes I am a hardcore event mode camper. Now in Mirror all heroes work, the only difference is Early game hero or Late game hero. Whatever you pick, you just need to be able to differentiate that and carry the game quickly or hang in there to late game.

My favourite is definitely Rafaela, but Diggie have become a huge top pick too. All his bomb just goes bomb away, whether you build Magic or Tank items. Right, I went for a troll-build, only due to seeing many other players buying 2 or 3 Clock of Destiny + Lightning Truncheon (in other modes). Just really wanted to check how it works. Funny I had like 10k hp also stayed alive pretty good (also knew my friends will carry me). 

Then there are many matches where I don’t get my pick, and it always ended up 2 or 3 afker + not sure if they actually know how play the actual hero. I know Claude normally should go with Demon Hunter Sword + Golden Staff build (which will cancel all Crit stats), but to be honest I am glad I decided to go Demon Hunter + Berserk Fury + Scarlet Phantom. Landing 2 hits will almost instant KO’d them. Do try and experiment items, do not just blindly follow guides or trends, use them to find your build and play-style. Also one of the Kadita laughed at me =( because they successfully had better teamwork  (gang-up).

Harley is one of the game when the other 4 insist on playing 1 hero except me. Then it ends up like that (sadness). I don’t play Harley regularly, generally heroes which require high skill manoeuvre is not my cup of tea (can’t handle that).

This mode gets rocked by Tanks and Support heroes in early game. I love Franco for early game bullies (hihi).

[occupyscifi]

The Partisan Generation

This generation

It was the morning that his daughter airily declared the moon landing a fake news Jewish plot to let liberal scientists run the government that Lenton Ayre realised things had gone a bit far with this generation.

“and, you know its because gun control libtards in the Hollywood elite that we lost the Iraq war” she added, gazing into her eglasses at the endless stream of retweets, status updates and weather pattern like emojis swept over her “because, you know. There were WMD’s  - that’s the truth. Only the cultural Marxists wanna cover it up. There’s like a whole thread on ReddChan about it and all the instagram influencers are saying…”

“honey, I just asked what you were gonna be studying in school today” he replied, cutting her off before she could do the whole ten minute screed on the snowflake liberals that then could segway into a whole monolog that took in every conspiracy theory from JFK to flat earth. Instead he would rather talk about their real education. As someone who was assiduous in his working habits and concerned for his children’s future he had of course taken them out of the local state school and put them into the Musk-Bezos academy that had opened in a refurbished mall just out of town. This was less a matter really of intellectual choice, more that since his own employer was a subsidiary of a subsidiary of a subsidiary of Amazon he could either send his kids to the Inspire! Academy or he could find himself a new job.  

That Lenton would not have minded quite so much, but all his rivals could only offer him the Netflix online-ed course for his two teenagers. That would hardly have been good fathering, he had figured. Although considering his two children’s current subjects of conversation he wondered if it might just have been better to join one of the local Trump Revival churches and get them home schooled. At least he wouldn’t have had to worry about exams, and they would  have a willing audience to talk conspiracy theories with.

“Rani, dude. What is that libtard bullshit?” Ayre’s son retorted, his own smartglasses reflecting the latest news from the hardcore manosphere where he spent most of his time. Since he was wearing his ‘science is my superpower’ tshirt his sister was clearly in a trolling mood “you’ve been sucking down that stupid crap your latest gaywad lametoob boyband crush soyboy has been saying, right? Everyone knows that they’re just a front for Kremlin. Those pretty commie boys want to turn you Stacy’s into their harem so that honest patriots like me can’t get what we’re owed….”

“Kev, you can’t get a girl cause you’re a fucking misogynist incel loser” said his sister quickly “don’t start blaming other people for your problems”

“okay, kids please” said Lenton raising both his hands in what his NLP Yoga teacher had assured him was a calming pose that leant him an air of kindly authority “can we have some calm? You know something a little less partisan at the breakfast table?” lenton scrolled through his own smartglasses looking for non controversial content. It was surprisingly hard “now, can we all agree that congress are a bunch of assholes? Or that kittens are super cute?”

His son opened his mouth to argue

“okay, how about dogs in cars, with their heads out the window?”

Kevin shut his mouth and nodded.

“I mean, I don’t know where it comes from” moaned lenton later at the popup office where he spent his days in online content creation “my daughter spouts anything that comes from the Kremlin via whatever hot youtube boy she’s currently hard crushing on, and my son says anything that some rock hard libertarian science guy says. Neither of them give it a second thought. I don’t know why, cause whenever I say anything they’re on me with laser sight scepticism”

“eh, I blame the technology” complained his colleague as she thumbed through mentions in her livefeed, feeling the desperate need for validation more than the caffeine hit in the cup in her hand “these kids, they wanna be spoonfed everything. I remember when we was their age. We hadda actually google search stuff. If you wanted to throw shade you hadda go to the effort of writing a livejournal about it. Now these kids just get a bunch of recommendations straight into their eyeballs. No thought required”

“too right, Tina. Its about hard work” said Lenton, looking at the day’s workload “it’s the attitude that’s the problem. They’re just too lazy to challenge anything” he scanned the list of hot button to do items “so, what talking points are we monetising for cultural leaders today?”

“we got a contract in from Russia. They want to see the latest round of the Israel Iranian conflict spun as being caused by Jewish bankers. Was thinking we can feed that one in via the Foxosphere. They love a bit of Jew baiting so long as we call em progressive liberal internationalists”

“good call” said Lenton, paging through the various socially destructive ideas and fake news he was being paid a hefty commission to inject into public discourse “we’ve got our screaming mob on retainer. Can get them with placards and slogans anywhere we need them. Although the RNC still hasn’t paid them for that last job. Something about how they weren’t violent enough against those BLM people…”

“they’re actors” sighed Tina as she refilled her mug from the genuine organic roast machine. Her mug bore the cheery slogan ‘world’s greatest stripper’ always reminding her of her grandmother, whose gift it had been “if they want proper violence then they have to get the real white supremacists, but they’re all booked up defending the Canadian border from UN one world government liberal invasion, or whatever we told them was the problem”

“thought it was LGBTQ infiltrators?” replied Lenton. It was hard to keep up. They were after all paid to shape the news and the information that influenced people, the consequences were not really in his pay grade.

“whatever” sighed Tina as she took another high protein cookie from the stack. They were super moreish but were almost physically indigestible. The resulting diarrhoea was always good for the waist line “and we got another Koch brothers contract up. Top dollar to get the key 18-25 demographic thinking that renewable energy is a problem”

“simple. Thread through the manosphere as being that renewable energy is unmanly and feminising. We can to nostalgia stuff around the petrol engine. The far right will love a bit of Tesla bashing….”

“and Tesla will pay us double to spread the counter message” said Tina, finishing her coffee “cool” she paused “look, don’t worry about your kids. They go through phases. Shit, I was tumblrd out when I was their age, woulda cut my best friends head off if she’d said a word against my fandom. They grow out of it”

“yeah” said lenton, already downloading the days false news and astroturf memes ready to infect the information stream of the western world with “but, you know they just seem so extreme. I don’t get why” he added as he pumped a thread blaming vaccinations for causing sexual inadequacy into a mainstream news forum where it would have an active effect on roughly forty five percent of the readership “I just don’t see where they get those ideas from”

[quietpagan]

Trollhunters Season 2

y’all i gotta talk to somebody about this

-Dictatious.

-Dictatious, Dictatious, Dictatious....

- Gunmar fast AF

    - also really old?? Like tired-old-man old. Dicktits seems to be quietly running the place.

   - Gunmar’s actually really pretty in design. All the chips and cracks he has glow neon blue and it’s sparkly

- The only thing sadder than Barbara worrying about her missing son is Barbara not knowing that Jim is gone

- Dictatious motherfucking Galadrigal

Look at that smug bastard. This is the face I make like 60% of the time. Look at him, he’s having so much fun being evil.

- Kanjigar possessed  AAARRRGGHH. Just like, possessed him. It’s creepy seeing AAARRRGGHH standing fully upright with ramrod-straight posture. Also highlights how huge he actually is.

   - finally he actually hugged his goddamn son

    - Kanjigar is SHADY AS FUCK. Like, was all that vague warning really necessary? I didn’t like the guy before and I like him even less now. He’s a fantastic character, but he’s a horrible father, a terrible mentor, and in real life I’d probably try to Rule # 3 him at least once.

- Jimbo and Nomura making fun of Strickler is the best thing ever

   - Nomura’s character arc deepening and she’s actually pretty cool

- Blinky’s heartbreak at Dickbutt’s betrayal is wrenching to watch. This is when I realized exactly how beautiful the animation is this season. The facial expressions, the minute movements, the body language, was glorious.

- BLINKY IS HARDCORE AS FUCK and anybody who says otherwise can fight me

- Dictatious looks like a middle-aged man having his first Goth Experience but DAMN is he a smart mofo

- “How do we get down?!” *AAARRRGGHH straight up jumps off the cliff* *Blinky considers it and...* “Nope.”

- Gunmar’s like “Would you rather die??” and A! and A!’s just like been there, done that, bought the t-shirt

- y’all are mean to the giant carnivorous troll snakes, they’re just trying to do their best

- Toby you had one job

- DRAAL YOU HAVE ONE JOB!

- So Dromura is official

- Jim hugging Barbara for the first time and I realize that this kid is only 16, he is literally a child

- YALL KILLED THE CAT. WHAT THE FUCK DOES DEL TORO HAVE AGAINST THE POOR GODDAMN CATS

-  Jim why are you using a bucket there’s literally a fire extinguisher in the library

   - On that note I’m glad Blinky is able to drop Dictatious like a hot potato. He’s beaten bloody by his brother, whom he idolized, who he mourned for, and he knows that Dictatious is going to kill him. He burns his library, the most precious thing he has, in order to burn Dictatious’s memory, and he does so with no regret or indecision.

- Jim finally getting flak for being an angsty teenager and running off to the Darklands alone and abandoning everybody, good.

- your ppl ain’t been helpless, Jimjam, they’re kicking ass without you

- AAARRRGGHH literally pulling a Hulk vs Loki with a goblin

- Why is everybody afraid of fukin goblins? They literally do nothing harmful. I’ve seen more destruction from feral goddamn cats.

- I literally yelled ‘oh shit’, “Oh Shit’, ‘OH SHIT!’ when we saw Ducktales, Gunmar, and the Gumm-Gumms outside of the portal

- all y’all are useless, this is 2017 bitches, technology is baffling

- Not-Enrique. I’m glad he wasn’t pushed to the side now that they have real-Enrique back.

- Chompsky’s relationship with the action figure just became official and everyone is uncomfortable.

- anime-eyes!Jim is the scariest thing ever

- Gunmar got some serious biceps. Like even my asexy ass is like woah bro

y’all think he got followers because he makes evil, badass plans? No. It’s dat bod.

- Sir Isaac Gluten and his brother, Dwight D Eisenflour. All of you are horrible parents.

- “Who could be so careless to lose an arm!” Draal being like IT WASN’T ME!

- the closest thing Jim had to a dad was Walter Motherfucking Strickler? I’m sorry, have you seen this troll who Strickler himself said was Jim’s father-figure:

- nothing taking any shit from you, Trollhunters. You’re not exchanging Snape-ler for Blinky just because he’s the fandom’s wet-dream. 

- trolls play d&d

- Coach is Steve’s stepdad like WUT

- Elijah Leslie Pepperjack. I know Leslie is unisex but traditionally it’s feminine in the US. It’s actually suggested that Eli is a trans boy. Eli’s such a dork that having an embarrassing middle name wouldn’t hurt him much unless he wants it a secret for a far more personal reason. “Grow a pair”, Steve said. Literally.

- I ship it.

- Gunmar tore Draal’s fucking arm off! - DRAAL NOOO!

- Draal goes commando and does not got da booty

- Jim crying in every episode, like, truly, real men wield swords and have a healthy cry at least thrice at week.

- In the ‘Jim aint the trollhunter’ episode Blinky is like ‘Begone, human, or I will have my former Gumm-Gumm friend who still has trauma from his flesh-eating days eat you!’ and seriously Blinky that was really insensitive

- Vendel is Blinky’s only brother?? Not AAARRRGGHH, the troll he spends every minute of every day with? The season didn’t actually have a lot of Troll Dads ship material but I’m counting that.

- Umbrella scene was really sweet

- Claire being a Boss Ass Bitch like a proper fucking lady

   - and she’s not alone

   - my favorite song of the show was in that scene!

   - DARK CLAIRe

   - oh boy, the fandom’s boy-toy is back. Everyone give a warm welcome-back to Angry Rock.

- DarkChangeling!Jim was terrifying and I Fully Support Him

   - deeply disappointed that we didn’t see what the heck that was or how Jim beat it

- This season was so much more brutal than the first, and better-written as well, though I loved the first.

[your-dietician]

The worst hit singles from 12 major artists | Arts & Entertainment

New Post has been published on https://tattlepress.com/entertainment/the-worst-hit-singles-from-12-major-artists-arts-entertainment/

The worst hit singles from 12 major artists | Arts & Entertainment

The biggest music artists of all time typically have dozens of hits in their portfolio, often so many that they can’t play all of them in concert.

But sometimes artists are so popular that radio plays their singles and fans buy them because of unyielding devotion, not artistic genius. While diehards will love even the ugliest child, it’s fair to say that not every hit song is equal. So we’ve picked our least favorite song from a sampling of major artists — what we consider some of the worst from some of the most familiar hit-makers.

Yes, in a way, we’re trolling those dedicated fans, many of whom will likely howl in protest over some of our picks. Unlike them, our devotion isn’t unyielding.

Melissa’s pick: “Die Another Day”

There have been numerous worthy James Bond theme songs this century, such as Adele and, um, well, OK, Adele. But Madonna may have kickstarted the string of recent forgettable offerings with her 2002 dance smash. If you’re into rote electro-stuttering and nonsensical lyrics, congratulations for perpetuating mediocrity.

Rodney’s pick: “Don’t Tell Me”

Most of Madonna’s hit songs have a catchy melodic twist and/or lyrical intrigue along the lines of “Material Girl,” “Vogue” or “Music.” Then there is this decidedly unmemorable ditty, which inexplicably peaked at No. 4 on the American pop chart. Even the song title is boring. A mildly countrified guitar riff is accompanied by Madonna sounding mildly defiant in a way that comes and goes with no emotional impact whatsoever.

Melissa’s pick: “Purple Rain”

I know, I’m ducking already. And I’ll concede that when Prince performed the title track of his 1984 soundtrack in concert, even the cacophonous guitar solo at song’s end exploded with vitality. But on record? A thumping slog.

Rodney’s pick: “Batdance”

The 1980s were a prolific period for Prince, including some of his most iconic hits that R&B and pop radio stations continue to play today. This song hit No. 1 in the summer of 1989 but is rarely heard for a reason: it’s basically a weird promo for the “Batman” movie. There are elements of cool songs embedded in here, but it feels cobbled together more for commercial purposes than artistic merit.

Melissa’s pick: “A Matter of Trust”

By 1986, Joel certainly earned the right to indulge in a vanity project, and this is his only hit to spotlight him on electric guitar instead of piano. Unfortunately for longtime fans, Joel’s pet project was manifested in simple, monotonous chords, a sluggish pace and a cringing attempt at Springsteen-esque grit.

Rodney’s pick: “You’re Only Human”

Billy’s best songs are romantic or parables of sorts. This is Billy at his preachiest. An original song he wrote for his “Greatest Hits Vol. 1 and Vol. 2” release, this top 10 hit from 1985 was a way to help young people with depression and thoughts of suicide so the intentions were good. But as a song, it’s both annoyingly chipper and lyrically flaccid.

Melissa’s pick: “Crocodile Rock”

Perhaps it’s due to decades of witnessing thousands of uncoordinated suburbanites attempting to dance while singing the grating “la la la la la” chorus of John’s first No. 1 hit (in 1972) in concert that has spoiled any enjoyment of this ditty. But the inanity and novelty song quality also contribute.

Rodney’s pick: “Can You Feel the Love Tonight”

John went through a 1990s phase of bland balladeering which sticks in my craw including “Circle of Life” and “Believe.” This is probably the most famous of that era, his “Lion King” cash grab that won an Academy Award and a Grammy. I’d take the worst of his 1970s hits (including “Crocodile Rock”) over this drivel any day.

Melissa’s pick: “Blood on the Dance Floor”

With production by new jack swing maestro Teddy Riley, the lead single from Jackson’s 1997 “Blood on the Dance Floor: HIStory in the Mix” album was originally slated for his 1991 “Dangerous” release. That explains the victim-heavy lyrics about backstabbers (prime early ’90s Jackson fodder), but not the middling funk backbeat. While the song only climbed to No. 42 in the U.S., it was a worldwide smash, proving that sometimes, Americans do have better taste.

Rodney’s pick: “Dirty Diana”

This song, his fifth No. 1 song off his “Bad” album in 1988, is about aggressive groupies and feels dark and dreary, with overdramatic guitar rock licks. Tell me where the actual hook is in the chorus. And the odd lack of percussive rhythm keeps it from ever finding its core essence.

Melissa’s pick: “One Moment in Time”

Look, I adore a good anthem. And this one is all about anthem-y things such as inspiration and pride in accomplishments (Houston recorded it for the 1988 Summer Olympics). But sometimes Houston’s schmaltz-ometer needed to be tempered and this was prime time.

Rodney’s pick: “I Have Nothing”

Houston during her peak was able to belt a ballad in her sleep. This David Foster/Linda Thompson tune from “My Bodyguard” is very prototypical Houston with her requisite dramatic flair but has always made me want to go to sleep instead. I suspect the excessive use of this song on “American Idol” has soured me even more on its charms.

Melissa’s pick: “Lover”

It’s a word that prompts all of the blechs, and coupled with Swift’s cooing delivery and the echo-y drumbeat powering the ballad, it results in continued wincing. Despite a killer bridge — which is becoming a Swift specialty — her breathy delivery of “You’re my, my, my, my love-ER” is straight-up icky.

Rodney’s pick: “Look What You Made Me Do”

This song was super impactful for many reasons when it came out in 2017 due to the lyrical content about her reputation and its obvious electro-pop vibe. But there’s a reason you hardly ever hear it on the radio in 2021. It’s less a viable pop song and more a treatise about Swift’s fame and how people perceived her at the time. Unlike most of her other hits like “Blank Space” and “Delicate,” this one doesn’t hold up well over repeated listens.

Melissa’s pick: “Bed of Roses”

Even hardcore Bon Jovi fans (hand raised) will admit that the band’s ’90s-era ballads were brutal (see Rodney’s choice to further solidify). But between Jon Bon Jovi’s cliched Romeo routine and one of the most ludicrous lyrics in rock history — “I wake up and French kiss the morning” — this one is unlistenable.

Rodney’s pick: “Always”

This power ballad about someone who sounds like a stalker hit the top 5 in 1994 but is largely forgotten a quarter-century later. Why? It’s so dull and shapeless, the lighter you’d raise in concert would refuse to ignite in protest.

Melissa’s pick: “Pour Some Sugar On Me”

Released in 1988, the Mutt Lange-produced track is inarguably Def Leppard’s best-known hit. It’s still horrible. Dopey lyrics and minimal use of the band’s copious musical abilities mar every bar. The song was a last-minute add to the “Hysteria” album. If only we had gotten lucky.

Rodney’s pick: “Let’s Get Rocked”

This 1992 top 20 hit feels like a ragged compilation of all their previous hits amped up to 11, led by a super cliched chorus and song title. It’s like Def Leppard color-by-numbers.

Rodney and Melissa agree: “Work”

Rihanna has said her broken, often half-hearted vocal style in this dancehall song represents her culture. But that doesn’t seem to explain the basic lack of a hook, a melody or anything resembling a coherent outline of a song.

Melissa’s pick: “One”

While I appreciate Bono’s sentiment that we can be simultaneously unified and diverse and while I will never disparage the charitable causes associated with the band’s No. 1 hit from 1992, I will also never be swayed of the opinion that musically, it’s a droning snooze.

Rodney’s pick: “With or Without You”

The opening single off U2′s most successful album “The Joshua Tree” from 1987 has a pretty solemnity, but after countless listens, I’ve lost patience with Bono’s overwrought delivery. In other words, I can easily live without you. Give me “In God’s Country” or “Red Hill Mining Town,” thank you very much.

Melissa’s pick: “Animals”

I have a visceral reaction to Adam Levine’s nasal whine, so truly any song from Maroon 5′s inexplicably extensive catalog is on my list. But if forced to choose one waste of four minutes of my life, it would be this 2014 hit laced with Levine’s grating falsetto and packed with high school-level sexual innuendo.

Rodney’s pick: “Moves Like Jagger”

It’s mind-boggling how many top 40 songs this band has generated over the past two decades: 23! This was their biggest hit of them all and possibly their most memorable song as well, given the Mick Jagger twist and help from Christina Aguilera. But this fangless song packed with whistling has none of Jagger’s actual swagger. Even Aguilera’s contribution is unmemorable.

©2021 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution. Visit at ajc.com. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

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[clacker--volley]

Headcanons.

- Would fight anyone who undermines or harms dogs tbh. - Is actually a pretty good singer. Too bad he prefers to burst out singing terribly off-key just for shits and giggles. - Sometimes, thinking about Hamon - the word -, can make him feel insanely hungry. - Is a natural at asspulling. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

- Absolutely DESPISES any type of unfair discrimination, especially racism and homophobia.

- Being away from friends, family- or just people in general, for extended periods of time often makes him feel depressed and spiritless. While Joseph doesn’t show it, he’s always felt alone since childhood, due to barely having any friends for much of his life a n d being left to believe that both of his parents were dead. Although Joseph does value having alone time as well, he still prefers spending time with others overall.

- A big chatterbox sometimes, chiefly if it's a topic/about something he loves. 

- Due to being fairly rich, he can be a greedy ass most of the time, although him showing acts of generosity IS very much possible. - Has a HARDCORE love for tricks and pranks. so much that it can even get him into some trouble with the law.#itsjustaprankbro - Should he see somebody upset and needing some comfort, especially if they're crying, he won't falter going full-retard mode- telling jokes or funny stories just to get them to crack a smile. - Can mimic a few animal noises with near-perfect accuracy. Bird-calls are his specialty. - Likes to tease others should he find out that they like pinapple on pizzas, yet; Joseph secretly likes pineapple on pizzas himself. Unironically. - Joseph's often warm, (usually) polite, and silly to most people, and is unashamed with showing affection (eg. head pats, hand on shoulder/back, hugs) to those he likes/cares about- sometimes even treating complete strangers as if he'd known them for years. However, he'll be hot headed as well as rude, get confrontational and violent- at times going as far as holding a grudge towards anyone who insults/hurts/acts like an asshole to him, or others, firsthand. - Can be meticulous with what garments he'll purchase or wear. It's not uncommon to see Joseph being stuck in his wardrobe searching for something 'cool' or 'tasteful' to wear before going out on a daily basis. - Joseph is confident as heck in himself, so getting even slightly red-faced is a rarity. When it does happen, it can take a rather huge hit on his self-esteem afterwards.   - Finds that he feels more 'alive' and lively af around evening time, particularly when close or in enormous cities where there's a lot of activity. - (Un)surprisingly knows a thing or two about applying cosmetics and is surprisingly good at it. - Knows jack shit about managing or saving money responsibly, often buying random stuff out of impulse. What Jojo mostly buys are  firearms, junk food, and comic books, among other stuff that happens to catch his eye. -He collects various things, mostly superhero comic books, figurines, and other collectables that pertain to superheros - (Despite not being very good at it) Joseph can act flirtatious now and again, even without taking note. However when it comes to wanting to legit impress someone he likes, he'll (at first) likely try too hard to come off suave and cool, then wind up acting like the big lovable goofball that he really is. - Absolutely DESPISES any type of unfair discrimination, especially racism and homophobia.

-Whenever Joseph is at an Italian restaurant, he almost always ask if they have squid ink pasta first before anything. And frequently avoids anything with the name 'Caesar' in it -The sight of bubbles always gets him all sentimental

- Unless you want to have a messy, burnt up kitchen NEVER ask Joseph to cook- even asking him to boil water without supervision would be risky - He can speak English, Japanese, and a few words in Italian -Prior to dealing with actual vampires and all that bs Halloween used to be one of Joseph's favorite holidays- nowadays he lowkey doesn't trust nor acknowledge anyone that go trick-or-treating, especially those dressed up as supernatural creatures (eg. vampires, werewolves, witches, etc.). Christmas is his new favorite holiday.

-Despite being a smartass who is rude, intentional or not, he's still a warm, affectionate person- and acts like a big-ol puppy to the ones he trusts/cares for the most.

- Can fall asleep like a rock practically anywhere/on anything, and does so quite often. His dreams are wacky and strange, though Joseph tends to forget them easily.

- Give him a video game and, instead of playing the game normally on his first playthrough, he'll likely (thanks to his Bizarre Luck) find the strangest glitches/exploits- then proceed to break the game even further by using cheats/hacks.

- Joseph has no special physical 'preferences' when it comes to romantic partners/S.O, but he finds himself attracted to the type of people that are fun-loving, kindhearted, care for their loved ones, love pranks and/or are as creative as he is. He's also unpredictable, so he might suddenly fall for others fairly quickly, even if they might not be the perfect match. He's dense af, so if the other person wants to make their move(s) first, they'd have to be pretty forward. Even then, it might take a while for any realizations that he also likes them back to sink in.

- It wouldn't be a shock to see such a hotheaded, impetuous, and confrontational young man like Joseph to often willingly and carefully cater to a S.O's every whim every now and then, so much so that it might overwhelm them or even make Joseph himself come off as superficial at times- neither of which is intended. - Loves to tease/troll others through various means, usually to exact playful/innocent revenge on his friends, or (on a more severe level) toy with enemies in order catch them off guard and learn their weaknesses. Seeing others become utterly confused/100% done with life? The boi lives for it- yet, rather ironically, Joseph himself is easily frustrated should his (often improvised) schemes backfire on himself- which happens most of the time.

-His favorite foods are fried chicken, squid ink pasta, chewing gum, chocolate, caramel, Italian food, Mexican food, apricot, American food, sour/sweet candy, bananas, strawberries, apples, and lime -His favorite drinks are coca cola, coffee, sprite, and water with ice (when he’s in a Fancier Mood he’ll sometimes use ice containing cut-up fruit, like strawberries or lime)

- Is an extremely messy eater who he practically inhales large amounts of food, especially after training or doing physical activities. The only times where he holds himself back is when eating in front of family, friends, or important figures, but even then, Joseph keeping his face completely clean isn't guaranteed

~more will be added as I think of them!

[perksofwifi]

2022 Ford Bronco Raptor: What We Know (Plus, What It’ll Look Like)

The newest Ford Bronco is a rugged piece, with body-on-frame construction and plenty of hardcore off-road hardware available throughout the lineup—but Ford won’t stop there. It’s almost a given that the automaker will roll out an even more muscular Bronco Raptor trim to take the top spot in the new Bronco family’s trim hierarchy. Look for the Bronco Raptor to serve as a smaller sibling to the soon-to-be-replaced full-size F-150 Raptor off-road pickup. Seeing as how the Bronco has a history of running (and winning) the famed Baja off-road race, the high-speed desert-racer Raptor treatment is arguably a more appropriate trim for the newest Ford SUV than its big pickup. So, what can we expect from the Ford Bronco Raptor?

What Is a Ford Bronco Raptor?

Unlike the regular Ford Bronco’s off-road-enhanced trim levels, such as the Black Diamond and Badlands, which are geared toward traditional rock crawling and clod-busting, the Raptor has a higher-speed mission. The closest Bronco that Ford’s shown may be the Wildtrak model, but the Raptor will take that trim’s abilities to the next level. Expect reworked suspension components designed for plenty of wheel travel and high-speed bump absorption—basically, the chassis will be set up to perform Baja racing–that ought to allow the Bronco Raptor to bound across the open desert. There also will be a more powerful, likely larger, engine option than the twin-turbocharged 2.7-liter EcoBoost V-6 that tops the run-of-the-mill Bronco’s engine lineup.

Besides the idea of a Baja-style factory Ford Bronco seeming very cool, Ford has plenty of reason to yank the Bronco in this direction. Jeep is reportedly expanding its Mojave off-road treatment from the Gladiator pickup truck to the Wrangler SUV, thus dropping a desert-runner into its direct cage-match with the Bronco. Furthermore, Jeep teased a new V-8-powered Wrangler 4×4 the very day Ford debuted the 2021 Bronco. Besides trolling Ford pretty hard, the move practically forces Ford to consider a higher-output, more performance-focused Bronco to match.

What Will the Ford Bronco Raptor Look Like?

We’ve taken a stab at rendering what the Ford Bronco Raptor might look like, using the current F-150 Raptor’s styling, as well as informed guesswork, as a baseline. The basics are this: The Raptor-fied Bronco will have more aggressively flared fenders with more clearance for what are expected to be standard 35- or 37-inch off-road tires; a lifted suspension for more ground clearance; a burlier steel front bumper with—again—more clearance; heavy-duty skid plates protecting the likes of the powertrain, gas tank, and suspension components; and possibly a large power dome on its hood. We also festooned the Bronco Raptor in the illustration above with Rigid Industries LED auxiliary lights, mostly because we thought the lamps looked sweet.

Part of what makes guessing the Bronco Raptor’s appearance so difficult is how wild the 2021 Ford Bronco looks out of the box. Just look at the regular Bronco with the Sasquatch package, or the Wildtrak and Badlands trims—both come with beadlock-style wheels, 35-inch tires, and aggro suspension mods. Those trims’ wheels and tires also stick out prone of the fenders, giving the SUV an aftermarket-looking appearance from the factory. The Raptor surely will build on this foundation, but how far can Ford go while complying with safety regulations and other fun-killers without simply selling a street-friendly version of the Bronco R—the tube-frame racing version of the Bronco? That we figured the muscular-looking Broncos in these early spy photos were Raptors should speak volumes to how aggro the non-Raptor Broncos can look; from what we can tell, the vehicle we spied may merely be a Sasquatch-equipped Bronco prototype.

What Engine Will the Ford Bronco Raptor Come With?

The basic Ford Bronco comes with a turbocharged 2.3-liter four-cylinder engine shared with the Ranger pickup. It mates to either a seven-speed manual transmission or a 10-speed automatic. Buyers can upgrade to a twin-turbo 2.7-liter V-6, which comes only with the automatic. Every Bronco features standard four-wheel drive, but we expect both the Bronco Raptor’s engine and four-wheel-drive system to go above and beyond the setups found in lesser Broncos.

Starting under the hood, we anticipate the Bronco Raptor will either use a fortified version of the standard SUV’s 2.7-liter V-6 or a larger 3.0-liter unit found elsewhere in the Ford stable. Horsepower figures for even the regular Bronco are forthcoming, but based on what the SUV’s engines produce in other applications, expect about 270 hp from the 2.3-liter four-cylinder engine and around 325 hp from the 2.7-liter V-6. As such, whatever engine ends up under the Raptor’s boxy hood likely will spit out at least 350 horses—and we think 400 hp isn’t out of the question. Really want something to look forward to? There is a slim, outside chance Ford installs the bigger 3.5-liter EcoBoost V-6 (which makes as little as 375 and as much as 450 hp in the F-150) or a naturally aspirated 395-hp 5.0-liter V-8 under the Bronco Raptor’s hood.

Expect every Raptor to come with Ford’s 10-speed automatic transmission—we doubt the seven-speed manual transmission will make the cut.

. . . And What About the Ford Bronco Raptor’s Suspension?

Ah, the suspension, where most of the Raptor magic is derived. As on the larger F-150 Raptor, look for the Bronco Raptor to benefit from a lift kit, heavier-duty suspension components (front control arms, rear axle, and links), wider front and rear tracks, and—most critically—a set of Fox shocks. We figure the Raptor will use 2.5-inch-or-larger internal-bypass Fox-supplied units, which will offer appropriate damping and cooling for the rapid-cycle use endemic to Baja-style terrain. (Think of the wheels bouncing up and down constantly, as the Bronco hits dips, rocks, and undulations at highway speeds—such abuse can quickly fry normal shocks and rattle and bang on less burly suspension components like cannon fire.) Look for beadlock-capable wheels at all four corners—likely wrapped in BFGoodrich all-terrain tires (probably from the brand’s KO2 line).

When Is the Ford Bronco Raptor Coming?

Ford is staying mum on timing for the Bronco Raptor—and, in fact, it hasn’t officially acknowledged such a vehicle is on its way. The thing is, the Ranger pickup that the Bronco shares some bones with offers a Raptor model globally, and the F-150 Raptor brand continues to gain marketing strength in the United States. We figure a Raptor variant will follow the Bronco to market by a model year, meaning Ford will likely pull the wraps off the model next year and bring it to market as a 2022 model.

The post 2022 Ford Bronco Raptor: What We Know (Plus, What It’ll Look Like) appeared first on MotorTrend.

https://www.motortrend.com/news/2022-ford-bronco-raptor-everything-we-know/ visto antes em https://www.motortrend.com