#and my friends are like it’s fucking weird he’s tracking and announcing you peeing

[lilgynt]

chewing on nails over not getting a joke

[zumpietoo]

Oooppppsss!!! Snortee opens by pretending a nerve has not been hit....

Errmmmm......actually, there was quite a bit of interaction during the mennyyyy times it turns out SH were on the outs, noooo??? Plus, again, remember how the BB endlessly insisted Cari were split when she visited her family, etc? Once again, you don't get to have it both ways....

To say nothing of, LBR, here.....by both ways I mean "Cole says "hi" to a fan = he's cheating they split/Cabana Pee never do stuff unless for cameras, are openly now doing separate things in separate places = epic twu wuv 4EVAH!!!

(and your track record on this shit real and pretend is hella weak, Snortster....)

Also.....it's SUNDAY???? Did Snortee just reveal she isn't merely not in the USA, she's in either east Asia or NZ?? And even THEN, it's still morning....(or you know, she's so wasted she doesn't know what day it is....)

And has been home all week, moping about a pimple/pimping herself for swag....

However, actually, Snortee, yes....it's long been abundantly clear this "healthy, loving relationship" is at least partially based on product promotion/$$$/pap walking/power coupling/pee arr.....that's actually quite obvious.

Tho I don't think they've fully split (or if yes, will, at least for a good while be back and forth, maybeee), just in a huge fight/he's avoiding her Debbie Downer ass, cuz she's also clearly in a big asses depressive episode...

Which, BTW, per y'all makes him a total douchecanoe....in fact, seriously? His sudden public faux chumminess could also indicate he's trolling....

But yeah, we've already seen how off again/on again, they are....

From the same person who last ACTUAL Sunday was legit outraged that Cole sang karaoke while Ari was visiting her fam/working in Montreal, insisted it proved they broke up, etc....

And yeah, but.....seems like PP was waaayyyyy too busy moping around the house over her period/pimple.

Plus isn't it weird how Cole/Cari are spotted out together all the fucking time....but somehow CabanaPee never, everrr are, unless the paps are called?

Hey....I get it's, apparently, Regency England all the fuck over again, and one must have a fine/fancee ball to announce your engagement, after the bans of your wedding are sung in church on Sunday AND I'm not "old $$$" (actually, once again, my mom WAS a debutante, etc), buuuuttt.....peeps don't always have big fancee receptions for engagements.

And even if they do? They also might have any number of smaller parties for it all, as well.....

Simple fact is, it appears SweatBoi's unfortunate looking sister/future brother-in-law did have some sort of social event AND CB did go to Six Flags (which Peepster loooovvesss) without her AND his bestie/roomie/maybeee sidepiece-seekrit luvr DID have a bday party....and PP was at none of the above, instead preferring to mope around at home.....

I will agree with Snortee about the staying friends/being friends post break up. Which is why Peepster currently isn't attending any of these SweatBoi galas....and, at best? CB seems to be trolling her ass.

(tho I suspect they'll reconcile for the umpteenth time when there is a pap camera)

Because she controls them by doling out small favors/$$$ and they like the reflected fame (despite it and she never doing dick for their careers).

Also, they're literally her only friends....and she and Sidepiece Austyn have also "broken up" mennyyy times.

Errmm.....so she can pee arr/power couple/"win" the breakup with COLE still and him? Yeah, nobody GAF about him otherwise...

Ummm....yeah, it is. They post each other all over the fucking place for clicks/when paps are around or have been called. What they don't actually do? Is spend real time together NOT for a camera. It's pee arr combined.

And yes, they do go through periods of no interaction, it's called on again/off again. So, actually? The narrative fits perfectly.

Fail, Snorts....

Ummm.....for nearly a year, SlaveTay claimed to really like Cole, post break up. She also made it verrryyyy clear when she was around him, even tho it's abundantly clear Cole did NOT like her.

Anddd.....given how fucking weird PP was after Cole dumped her (including staging a fucking anniversary photo shoot with somebody who looked like Cole/dressed like him) AND was only everrrr with SweatBoi so he'd cosplay Cole? Oh yeah, this is child's play.

But, again, on again/off again? Oh yeah....

Except they weren't "hanging out a few days later"----that's the entire thing. PP's spent the entire week moping. Cabana Boi's been out partying with everybody not PP....as I think of it, doesn't that make him a cheater?????

See above. They're not rich (soringry, BB) and all their friends are even poorer. Also, again, entirely possible to have multiple parties.....(some couples have no engagement parties, BTW), etc....

Again, still stands, seemingly, SweatBoi's out partying every second, PP can't leave the house to buy zit cream

[sukirichi]

total opposites

You and Toge swap bodies after encountering a fairytale curse, and similar to its origin, it also takes a fairytale method to break it.

REQUEST. body swap au + best friends to lovers

CONTENT/WARNINGS. slight crack fic, some cursing, implications of nsfw but nothing explicit, just Toge being a not-so closet pervert, usual best friend bickering, reader is fem bodied, unedited story (I should stop saying this, everyone knows I don’t edit my stuff)

NOTES. I enjoyed writing this, tysm for the request anon, this was really cute! definitely this is shooting up in one of my fav works ever (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

You stretched your arms overhead, feeling great after sleeping in. It wasn���t common of you to sleep this late, but you and Toge had gone stargazing the night before. A smile made its way to your face as you reminisced him reciting rice ball ingredients, signing that he was telling poetry to ‘match the mood’ until you’d both fallen asleep on the soft blanket atop a hill.

You don’t remember how you made it back to your room, but figured that Toge had carried you back home before the sun rose. Making a mental note to thank your best friend later, you yawned as you padded out to your room, hands rubbing in circles at your stomach.

Hopefully breakfast would be amazing today.

The door next to you opened, revealing your younger classmate, and you frowned, because wasn’t Kugisaki your next door neighbour? Well, whatever, he, Yuuji, and Kugisaki might’ve taken advantage of the rare, peaceful weekend that they probably had a movie marathon the night before.

“Morning, Megumi!” you greeted, coughing a bit when you sounded off, throat a little horse and itchy. At the sound of your voice, Megumi stilled in his tracks, eyes wide at you. His comical expression had you barking in laughter, shooting finger guns his way as you wiggled your eyebrows. “Ey, be a good dog and bark for me, will you?”

Semi-visible sonic waves drifted like waves after one another out your mouth. Megumi scowled before he froze the next second, ears perked up and backside wagging in replacement of a tail. “Woof woof!”

“What the hell?” you reeled back in slight disgust, your underclassman’s cheeks burning red. Then, your lips grazed against a soft cloth, making you look down.

You blinked back once. Twice. You were definitely...built different today. Curiously, you tugged at the zipper peaking out from your black collar, the familiar zhoop sound of the zipper burned into your memory after hearing your best friend do it countless times before.

In front of you, Megumi screeched – the most noise he’d made ever since you met him – his jaw dropped open while you – or rather Toge stood at the end of the hallway, his hands squeezing at your breasts that were still under last night’s pyjamas. You blinked back once. Then twice, steam pouring from your nose when Toge, in your body, pointed at his body. 

“Oh, oh!” your scream bounced off the hallways hard enough that Panda slammed his door open, about to tell everyone to shut up when your voice let out a high-pitched scream.

“What are you doing in my body?!”

Looking down at where Toge was pointing, you were greeted by the sight of his dark uniform and sock clad feet, your chest replaced with hard muscles instead of the soft flesh. You turned to Toge with a stupefied look that mirrored his, both of you falling on the ground with fists pounding on the hardwood floor.

“I’m a fucking girl!” he cried out, whether out of happiness or frustration, it was hard to tell.

Meanwhile, you zipped his collar back up, tugging at his off-white hair as you forced yourself to remember his limited vocabulary. “BONITO FLAKES!”

Now you understood Toge’s frustration of being a cursed speech user. 

“Bonito Flakes” definitely did not hold the same fury as “FUCK” did.

“You and I need to set down some boundaries,” you signed to him, brows pulled together. Toge seemed to be enjoying this sudden body swap a lot more than you did since he hadn’t stopped posing in the mirror the moment you pushed him back to your room, locking it shut to get some privacy. “You are not, under any circumstances, allowed to shower, do you understand?”

Toge scowled at your words, sassy as ever with his hands placed on his hips, buttocks jutted out. You hated, absolutely hated that he used your body this way because this time you couldn’t even laugh – not when seeing your body felt this awkward.

“You would really rather me stink?”

“You can’t undress too! Ever! Or if you will, your eyes better be closed. No peeking too!”

“Y/N, you and I grew up together. I’ve already seen everything,” he rolled his eyes, earning him a hard slap from the arm. Considering he was a lot more muscular than you were, your hit came a lot harder. “Ow!” he protested, rubbing the sore spot that ached, only to laugh at the sounds emitting from his lips. “Wow, I have to admit that this is really fun though. I’m actually talking,” he announced, “Hey, say salmon for me.”

“Bonito flakes!” you shook your head, “The moment Principal Yaga is back, we’re going to talk to him, okay? I don’t want to be stuck in your body any longer!”

“Please, you’re lucky you get to feel me up,” he winked at you, taking your (his) hands to flatten it on his stomach. “Come on, come on, feel my abs!” Whack. “Would you please stop slapping me? Your body is a lot more delicate than mine and my hands are – stop slapping me!”

Feeling bad for your friend and not wanting to abuse your body too much, you raised your hands in surrender with a roll of your eyes. “I can’t take you seriously with that voice. You’re too cute.”

“Complimenting ourselves now, aren’t we?” he scoffed, “Well, whatever, you are cute, especially when you’re angry. Such a shame I can’t see you do that right now because my handsome face is looking back at me.”

“I won’t hesitate to choke you, my friend.”

“You wouldn’t. You adore your body too much,” contrary to his words, Toge pulled a defensive stance. You threw a pillow at him, to which he easily dodged, clutching at the hem of your pyjamas afterwards. “Speaking of bodies, I really need to pee.”

“Hold it!”

“Are you insane? I’m not holding it, you’re going to kill us both!”

“Fine, I’ll take you to the rest room then,” you tugged at the hood of your shirt, pushing him inside the communal female restroom. Toge stood in the middle shock still, evidently flustered at the stalls and lack of urinals. You flicked a finger on his forehead, finger pointed to a stall. “Go pee. That’s my body – I need to make sure you’re not going to do anything weird with it.”

“I thought you trusted me, friend. Why would you think I’d touch you that way?”

You gave him an ‘are you serious?’ look. “You jack off every fucking night, Toge. I can hear you even from the next hallway. Plus, you’re a horny teenage male, who’s to say you wouldn’t be curious and try to see what female masturbation feels like?”

His eyes lit up at the idea, fist coming down to bounce at the palm of his hand as he nodded. “That’s actually a good idea—”

“Don’t you even dare.”

“What?!” you and Toge both exclaimed. He faced you with utter horror written on his face and you gasped, slapping both palms over your lips.

“It is true,” Principal Yaga affirmed with a grim look on his face. He’d recently got back to fetch your troublesome Gojo-Sensei who’d been caught starting a ruckus in Roponggi while women flocked around him, leading to your principal to haul his ass back to the school grounds. “Some curses are manifested through daily objects, and sometimes even through nature. That shooting star you saw was an example of that.”

“But is kissing really necessary?” Toge queried with a wary gaze sent your way.

“It’s a fairytale curse. It can only be broken through a true love’s kiss.”

“But sir, Toge and I have never dated anyone before. How can we miraculously fall in love with someone to break this curse overnight?”

“It doesn’t have to happen overnight. Sometimes, a simple crush will do,” Principal Yaga sighed, scratching his bald head with his face pulled deep in thought. “Y/N, you have a crush on Gojo-Sensei right? I’m going to kill him if he actually kisses you – and knowing that damn brat he might if you ask him – but I think a kiss on the cheek will suffice. For now, you both just have to...broaden your relationships. Maybe go out on dates.”

“I don’t mind that. In fact, I’m going to have the time of my life,” Toge cheered, his mood dampening once he saw you stiffen. “But my body is...”

Knowing full well that he’d get insecure over his lack of speech again, you glared at him hard enough that your best friend straightened up, lips puckered out in a pout as if you hadn’t just caught him talking badly about himself again when you’ve told him countless times he was perfectly fine the way he was.

It made you sigh, feeling slightly bad that until now he still couldn’t see himself the way you saw him – not that you���d ever vocalize this; Toge would never shut up (in the best way he could) if he had the slightest idea what went inside your head.

“You’re lucky you have a pretty face. Otherwise, it’s going to be impossible for anyone to like you,” you teased instead, somewhat flustered at your indirect compliment.

Toge merely scoffed at you, his gaze burning and hard, contrasting the teasing little shit grin he wore. “Oh, please, if I wasn’t the cursed speech user, I would’ve banged—”

“Kids!” Principal Yaga threw his dolls at you hard, the both of you clutching at your heads in pain. How were those dolls as heavy as rocks? “Take your bickering back to your rooms please. No more of this mess and noise. It’s late.”

You frowned at the old man, face pleading as you signed, “Principal Yaga, can’t we really do anything else? Aren’t there any techniques to undo this?”

You and Toge knew that combination so well – pitch black eyes, jaw clenched, lips pursed and palms interlaced under his chin – one that meant his words were final and irrevocable. None of you could argue or suggest more solutions the moment the words left his lips like an ultimate decree. “The technique is the kiss. Now leave.”

You and Toge tried, you both really did. 

But following Principal Yaga’s suggestion of dating others had turned out to be a complete fail – even with your normal body and Toge’s physical charisma. 

It simply didn’t work; not when Megumi ran away from you every time you tried to get him to kiss you with your arms wide open, and Toge wasn’t helping either by pushing Gojo-Sensei away from you every time the cheeky eyed teacher announced his willingness to help.

Eventually, you and your best friend had retired in his room, the scent of him coated all over his pillows and his shirt that you wore. That felt comforting, at least, and you buried yourself in the crook of your body’s neck, bodies tangled with one another.

Who knew dating could be so tiring?

A wave of irritation flashed over you from today’s events, knowing full well that this could’ve been avoided long ago. Scowling, you cuddled Toge closer, lightly flicking your fingers on your body’s chest. “This is your damn fault, Toge.”

“You were the one who asked me to stargaze with you.”

“You don’t always have to say no to everything I ask of you, you know.”

“You’re really dumber than I thought if you think I could easily say no to you,” he snorted above you, his chin resting atop your head. “I don’t have a lot of weakness because I’m a strong sorcerer—” another flick, a harsher one this time around. “Okay, okay, I’m just kidding! But I mean it though – you’re my best friend and my weakness. Of course I’d do anything to make you happy, even if it’s something as stupid as stargazing.”

“Hey!” you made a sound of protest in your throat, looking back at him with a frown. “It wasn’t stupid, it was romantic.”

Hell yeah, it was romantic indeed – your heart still skipped a beat every time you remembered Toge’s starry eyes matching the night sky’s beauty, the words salmon and mustard leaf surprisingly sexy every time it came from him. It was stupid – so fucking stupid – that you groaned into his chest to hide your flushed face.

“Yeah, I suppose it was.”

The room fell silent, your syncopated breathing soothing during this stressful times. Taking advantage of your voice, Toge began to hum, singing the songs you both had always listened to in the privacy of your room during lazy days. It brought a smile to your face as you clutched to him tighter, heart pounding in your chest as you gazed up at him, tapping his chin to get his attention. “Toge, can I say something weird?”

“Please, nothing you say surprises me anymore. Shoot.”

Your mouth began to dry as you cleared your throat in an attempt to hide your awkwardness, gaze pointedly averted from his prying ones. “You and I...we’ve known each other for a long time and we love each other. As best friends, of course.”

“Sheesh, friendzone much?”

“Would you please shut up and listen to me seriously for once?” you huffed, making him snicker, but nodded at you anyway to continue. “As I was saying – why don’t we kiss? It could be true love’s kiss.”

Toge didn’t speak for a good minute, the pregnant pause filling in the gap filled with tension. You taped his cheek, waving his hand in front of his eyes when he dazed out. When his gaze focussed back on you, Toge was surprisingly calm – although beneath that composed exterior, his mind had simply short-circuited. “If this is your way to get to make out with me, I’m going to sock you in the face.”

“Toge, I’m serious! Let’s kiss!”

“I don’t want to!” he shook his head indignantly, hiding his face by hugging you close to his chest instead.

“Why not? Don’t you want to swap back to your original body? Both of us haven’t showered in two days and I’m sick of the way you smell. You’re lucky I love you though, otherwise I’m going to cry. Come on, Toge, what’s holding you back?” you tried to fight back from his grip, but he’d surprised you both when he only squeezed you tighter, both your erratic heart rates matching the other.

“I said no.”

“Toge, it’s just a damn kiss, what’re you so afraid of?”

“I’m afraid that if we don’t swap back, then that means you don’t love me the way I love you!” he finally admitted, breathing hard before continuing. “Principal Yaga said it must be a kiss between lovers and not just platonic friends okay?” you attempted to scramble away from his arms again, and this time he let you, though he’d closed his eyes, cheek squished on the pillows as he murmured, “I don’t want you to reject me... even though I messed up already.”

“Wait,” you snapped your fingers to make him open his eyes, hesitant as you signed, “You...you love me that way?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why not?”

“Because my face is staring back at me and it’s fucking awkward – I wanted to see your face when I confessed!” he sat up with a frustrated groan, childishly kicking off the sheets of the bed as he clutched his head in his hands. “I had everything planned, okay? Nobara and Yuuji helped me think of everything because Megumi is shit when it comes to love. Listen, I was going to ask you on a candlelit date and then maybe kiss the life out of you – if you feel the same way—”

“Kiss me.” The body he possessed a victim of his own powers, Toge was left with no choice but to grab your face before his mouth pressed against yours, fingers entangled into the other’s hair. You were smiling into the kiss the whole time, barely able to recognize when Toge had shifted your bodies until you were under him, his hands running down your sides lovingly the whole time. 

Pulling away to get some air, you opened your eyes, unsurprised when Toge laid above you, his strong arms planted beside your head.

Both of you were breathing hard from the passionate kiss filled with so much sexual tension and longing, your tongue darting out to swipe at his taste on your lips. The laughter that bubbled out of you was pure, wholesome and swollen like your heart. “I love you too, idiot.”

“Salmon!” Toge peppered your cheeks with kisses, pulling out more gleeful laughter from you, his playful and loving attacks more of a gift than a punishment. Once you’d recovered from your happiness – although really, who could recover after that? – Toge unzipped his collar, his smile nothing but wicked when he commanded, “Kiss me again.”

[smollandtoll]

HC: Scripted Documentary

STOP! CHECK OUT THESE GIFS FIRST 

These gifs give us all the feels, all the super soft Geno is the new guy at the government office job feels. It’s in the way the camera moves in that first gif, very parks & rec or the office, very scripted docuseries.

So here we are imagining some governmental office show shenanigans with Sid and Tanger and Flower and Duper trying to get a suburb approved, or a school or something, LET’S GET REAL probably an ice rink and and Geno is the wildlife and ecological impact consultant brought in to assist the project.

It’s usually just tons of boring paperwork and random occasionally dramatic or frivolous projects and petty office drama and occasional panicky dealing with the public. It’s boring work usually, but Sid is a committed and devoted leader and believes in the system of bureaucracy even when he’s thwarted by various nemesi.

Anyway, Geno shows up on the first day of this new contract looking like that and all the french canadians in their ties and dress shirts immediately turn to watch Sid blush. It is so apparent that he is Sid’s Type™ like...Sid might have based the type ON this guy he is hitting the nail so hard on the head.

“Am in right place?” He’d ask earnestly, eyes sliding over each of them questioningly, voice deep and accented. Duper and Tanger probably take point, ushering him in and ousting Flower from his seat immediately to set G down right next to Sid.

So with their fearless leader somewhat distracted by Geno's arms in that sweater, their round table discussion goes off track like immediately.

Geno is just giving so much side-eye at their weird and borderline intrusive questions. He expected a bit of inquiry as to his credentials, and maybe interests but:

"Why you need know I'm want kids?"

Sid abruptly realizing what's happened to their round table while he was spacing out - imagining peeling Geno out of various thermal fleeces and underarmour layers like a present just for him -  and being SO COMPLETELY MORTIFIED. His friends couldn’t be professional if it came up and french kissed them.

"So sorry Mr. Malkin my colleagues have never been outside." He’d recover the meeting and get it back on track, luckily Geno isn’t too irreparably weirded out...maybe.

And he isn’t, he eventually just like settles into the staff and continues to be tall and beautiful and wear very clingy soft sweaters that make Sid walk into door frames.

(They all razz Sid that he definitely heard like music playing in his head and everything went slomo when Geno walked in the first time and Sid DENYING IT SO HARD JUST BEING SO FED UP WITH THEM. //JUMP CUT BACK TO SID'S TALKING HEAD: ....it was Taylor Swift)

But they discover he also has kind of a hilarious mean streak and he’s an absolute card shark at thursday lunch poker. He’s got a giant soft spot for puppies and kittens and baby animals of all shapes and sizes - they discovered this one bleak and stressful week a blustery February where the higher ups thought it would be a good initiative to give them some office stress relief puppies.

Anyway, there’s definitely a few seasons of Sid pining, Geno and him becoming good friends only to find out Geno is dating someone that he brings to the office christmas party or something. And she’s probably super nice and reasonable and beautiful and funny.

Sid is like KIND OF GUTTED ABOUT IT, and doesn’t fess up to getting Geno this insanely wicked secret santa gift - like a pen’s massage chair that blew the office secret santa budget out of the water or something.

So anyway, probably Sid works really hard on getting over Geno, and even starts dating like a wonderful dude who’s idk a high school football coach or something, very boy next door, very sweet and handsome and thinks Sid is just ADORABLE.

And there’s probably a lot of Geno talking heads about how much he hates that guy.

And a lot of Flower and Duper and Tanger talking heads where they just sit there and silently stare at the camera like ...what the fuck did we find ourselves in the middle of. The UST is STIFLING.

Then there’s probably the episode where like they have a business trip to go on and present their findings and Sid and Geno end up in a layover in the middle of the night in like denver or some shit, throwing popcorn at each others mouths from across the isles and Sid is like:

“You know what’s funny?”

“Hm?”

“I used to have the biggest crush on you.”

“Sid?”

“Yeah it was really embarrassing, I’d walk into doors and stuff when you wore tight sweaters.”

“Very clumsy when first meet. Thought you just get better.”

“Nah, just got used to you I think.”

“Not crush any more?”

“Nah, I mean, I had to get over it, we work together, and no way in a million years would someone like you want to date someone like me.”  but before Geno can question him what that means there’s probably an announcement that distracts them and then Sid goes to the washroom and Geno gets an annoying text from Ovechkin and it’s forgotten until much later when they’re tiding up after a town hall one night and it’s clear that it’s just STRUCK Geno how beautiful and funny and amazing Sid is.

And then he’s being picked up by his boyfriend and Geno is GUTTED.

Geno is not good at being subtle, he pines as well, but on a level that CONCERNS the French Canadians who take him out and get him drunk and get the whole story about how he’s just realizing now that Sid is perfect and wants kids and would run with their dog.

Sid and the boyfriend meanwhile amicably break up because he’s been asked to coach at a higher level than high school, college I guess which is a big deal, and he needs to move, but it’s an important move for his job. He asks Sid to come with him and Sid seriously considers it for a little while, but he knows his job and his family through the job is too important to him, so they amicably break up, and because Sid isn’t very heart broken about it he doesn’t really act any different or see reason to mention it really.

Cue a lot of flirty shit happening between them that neither of them chalks up to meaning anything because Sid is “in a relationship” and Geno is “very uninterested” and the FCs LOSING THEIR MINDS OVER. At this point they are really rooting for them and don’t want to meddle - which goes against Flower’s very nature however so he definitely locks them into a utility closet together for a whole episode.

They get hangry, tempers flare, Geno kicks the door, Sid spills an entire bottle of lysol cleaner on his pants, they sit shoulder to shoulder and talk it all out and right as they’re about to kiss probably Phil opens the door looking for some toner.

Sid likely ducks out to immediately pee and like try to wash the cleaner out of his now RUINED pants and like mutter to himself in the mirror about what the fuck are you doing Crosby. He’s your best friend.

But Geno is probably definitely watching him from the door and just says “That’s best reason we should.” and then sweeps Sid into the kiss they should have had right from the beginning. And it’s all sparkles and fireworks and it’s in a grody men’s bathroom.

fin.

[vinylexams]

Heavy Heavy Low Low - Courtside Seats to the Greatest Fuck of All Time⁠

⁠ @heavyheavylowlow38 #heavyheavylowlow #hhll #deathwish @deathwishinc⁠ ⁠ I’ve been lucky as hell recently to snag insider info on some killer reissues and this one is no exception. You all already know how much I love HHLL, especially Turtle Nipple…, and through serendipity I got connected with Robbie from the band a few months back. I got to hear about how they are coming back to life after some years focusing on other projects, growing up and growing out, and evolving as musicians and artists in the process. They’ve worked with Twelve Gauge Records to put Courtside Seats on vinyl for the very first time and after they announced it on their platforms and immediately sold it out, they’re pressing another batch that you and the HHLL lovers in your life can and should snag before that pressing sells out, too!⁠ ⁠ What’s even more exciting is that I got to pick Robbie’s brain in typical VE fashion and he’s indulged me with all sorts of info about what they’re up to, whether or not we can expect new music, and some feel-good stories about huffing air duster and ripping shit up in an old warehouse on the California coast. Here it is in its unedited glory, but first…head to the website to pre-order your copy and then head to Robbie’s Indiegogo campaign to learn more about his upcoming short firm that’s scored by Nick from Tera Melos! ⁠https://deathwishinc.com/products/heavy-heavy-low-low-courtside-seats https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/morning-deliveries-short-film#/

INTERVIEW

First and foremost, it’s been a minute since we’ve heard from Heavy Heavy Low Low and then out of nowhere you sprang back to life in 2019. What motivated you all to pick up this project again? I’m not sure what motivated it. We had always been trying to jumpstart the whole thing again for some time and I think that it might have been a case of everyone’s lives slowing down and examining that time with a weird reverence. I can only speak for myself. The boys are all in school or doing their own thing.

I imagine you’ve all been working on different projects since HHLL went on hiatus. Do you have anything that you or the rest of the band have worked on that you’d love us to know about? Danny has gotten pretty popular in the Kendama world. Chris is studying various forms of martial arts. Roo is endlessly going to school and currently scoring independent films. Chip is heavily involved in competitive fishing. I’ve been making short films when the situation and my wallet allow it. We’re all crazy excited about finally owning Courtside Seats on vinyl for the first time. Aside from bringing that album onto the vinyl medium, the pre-order page notes that there’s new artwork, too. What can we expect from that? When we made the CD we weren’t expecting to sell any really.. I did the art and Matthew printed them all at his job. Him and I folded every crease, glued the o-cards and vacuum sealed them all. I think it sold out almost completely at the record release show. We made the same amount of records as we did the original cd (500). The artwork for the original CD pressing was done on sketch paper without any comprehension of what could be done with drawn art and a scanner. Matthew was the computer wizard and back then, young and silly, it was all done on the cuff. The new art is a bit more modern and plays with mortality. Court-side Seats to The Greatest Fuck of All Time being a front seat view of a an ordinary, bumpy ride through life. I’m proud of it. What’s it like to bring back an album from the earliest parts of the band’s career? Do you still identify with the music? It is odd. It was a truly surreal time and place. We were out of our fucking minds. We recorded it in Mountain View, Ca in this giant warehouse that tapered into gutted office spaces. It was a weird white collar tomb on the outskirts of Silicon Valley right before the real tech boom. In the big part of the warehouse where we’d enter there were giant mounds of clothes meant to be donated to some third world country. We’d burrow tunnels in them and do huge dramatic flips from pike to pile. There was an aisle of outdated medical equipment waiting to be sent that we’d stalk through in the dark. It was a strangely magic place. Once you got through the warehouse you’d get to these office stations that had been fashioned into recording studios and that’s where we birthed this thing. We were so misguided. The amount of compressed air that we inhaled should have killed us. I contribute a significant drop in IQ to that shit. Smoking copious amounts of weed from gravity bongs. Recording with a hip hop producer, Deegan. Never a disagreement. It still feels like it was some strange purgatory of youth. I don’t miss it, but it was beautiful. Does this mean there’s hope of having Everything’s Watched, Everyone’s Watching on vinyl sometime, too? So, there was a guy who was very adamant about putting that record out on vinyl. We had a dialogue going for the better part of a year and apparently he had been in contact with Rhino Music and Warner, the two companies that hold the licensing to that album. He had received word that it’d cost an impressive amount of money, but he still wanted to shoulder it. Mind you, this dude didn’t have a label, he just wanted to put this thing out and apparently hadnt thought that all out. Time goes by, I’m waiting, not worrying one way or the other. One day I get a link from a friend, a Christian college website detailing that dude had been arrested for kidnapping and assault. Very sad situation. Dude seemed semi normal. Anyway, that was the last effort I’d seen put into that. I’d love to contribute new art to that release if any go-getter wants to try their luck. I’ve loved everything HHLL put out, but Turtle Nipple is in my top 10 list of favorite albums of all time. What was the writing the recording process for it like and how did the band feel about the new creative directions on it? EWEW was half previously recorded material re-recorded and half material written a year prior, kind of forced into a studio with producers we had no previous rapport with. Those producers/engineers were incredible human beings (RIP Tom Pfaffle! See you in the mindfog) but we were very young punk kids thrown into a foreign land where we had our agents visiting and there were platinum records on the wall and it was a total barrage of privilege and excess. It was beautiful, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t feel soul in that record. Turtle Nipple is a dense trip through time and the record I’m most proud of in our discography. I don’t remember how long we had to record it, I do remember that it was the only time we’d been given to experiment and layer our sensibilities in an environment that catered to them. Sam (Pura) was a perfect conduit to that vibe and time and space and it really came out just how it should have. I think about that album as a 70s exploitation directors filmography.. it veers violently from genre to genre and while most of the stories are fiction and far from personal testimony, theirs a peek into some shared insanity contained throughout. George Cosmatos wandering through a punk club on an edible. I think that that album is our bands true personality. Sam is a member of our band whether he’s playing with us or engineering for us. He gets us. I love the idea of an alternate reality where we had lasted a bit longer and did an album with Steve Albini. He’d probably hate us, but I love those ‘What If?’ Scenarios. I’ll ask the question EVERYONE has been asking so it’s on the record somewhere: Does this mean we can expect new material or a new album soon? Maybe even a tour? We have a new EP in the works. We have some of it recorded with Sam. We’ve posted a couple clips on Instagram. We’re incredibly busy and spread out in our personal lives. Chip in TX, Dan in FL, Roo in OR, Rob and Chris in CA. Adulthood is a bitter, pulpy drink! We are going to be playing again. We won’t be leaving the West Coast. We had our fill of middle America and the travel involved. We have talked to some of our buds from our early days of touring about playing alongside (opening for) them for a limited run in 2020. I think that qualifies as a tour. Also, if anyone wants to fly us to Europe to play a festival in 2020, we’d like that. It’ll be an interesting year. How does it feel to be welcomed back by so many adoring fans who still love your music and are hoping for more after a long hiatus? It’s incredibly humbling. I have heard from people throughout the years about how we had affected them and it was always just strange to me. I’m pretty self deprecating, so I just don’t understand how some shit I wrote could mean much to anyone. My mind is just a shotgun blast of panic. I guess all of ours are? I love my band mates and their talents, though. So I understand the sorta sirens draw to the greater extent. I think they only got to show themselves slightly, too. Weird existence. Give us a piece of band trivia you’ve never shared in an interview before! Gees. There is a step-in part to most 15 passenger vans. It is a black, hard plastic. It meets with where you close the sliding door. When we had no bottles to pee in, we would just piss in ‘the step’. This thing was a den of germicidal activity. Trash and piss I don’t think we ever truly cleaned that thing. What’s odd is that we so rarely got ill on tour. The Step kept us healthy on a steady diet of trash and piss and general scum. Finally, this isn’t a question but the hidden track on Turtle Nipple is a fucking masterpiece and I wanted you to know. Thank you! I think that may have been my idea to add some weird 70s funk into an old track of ours. I think it turned out cool, but I think it betrays our vibe on that album! I wish it’d have devolved into some weird, primitive Altered States shit.

[greatonpaperblog]

Transition

Hey, hi.  It’s been a particular wild week with a time change, a blue moon, halloween, and in my case, a case of lice on a client that resulted in me needing to shut down my salon unexpectedly to sanitize for hours on end. 

But here we are. We made it.  I don't have ice cream tonight.. but rather cauliflower bites and buffalo sauce. My mouth is burning, my eyes are watering but my weird cauliflower obsession will see me through.  I find this time of year actually nothing short of fucking brutal.  In MY opinion, it’s too early to celebrate Christmas (although, I know some would argue that), it’s basically midnight at 4pm which is probably the toughest thing for me because I already find the evenings long and the weather... the WEATHER. It snowed Saturday. It’s 16 degrees today. Gross.  So my inner angst has been keeping me awake this past week. I have been up doing laundry at 4am, watching greys anatomy other days at 2am.. amazon Wishlist-ing myself things at 5am. It hasn’t been good. So I've been TRYING to do some things to help. 

I went for floatation therapy on Saturday (highly, highly recommend), I booked a facial for today to help battle the maskne I've been fighting so hard and I lined up my favourite podcasts to go through.  A combination of the lingering after effects of my float and zzquil got me a great sleep last night so I was fully ready to attack the day today. (I would also like to add that taking zzquil and needing to pee in the middle of the night may result in you falling asleep during said pee and waking up 5 minutes later in your bathroom fully confused and embarrassed).

As I listened through an episode of Anna Faris is Unqualified (yes - Anna Faris from House Bunny, What’s Your Number, Just Friends..etc) she announced that her guest today was a dating expert. I always love when people have experts of any kind on a podcast. It’s like... all of my questions will be answered I just know it. They spoke with a 60 year old man who was looking for love again after divorce and it was really sweet. They helped him realized that although his end goal is a relationship, he should really try to enjoy the dating process and see where that brings him. It was really cute.  BUT THEN,  Then.. they called a 34 year old woman. This woman was in a small town, had gone on tons of bad dates, wasn't looking to settle, had definitely heard the “you’re too picky” line a lot.. etc. She was a super creative woman who just opened her own etsy shop and had big plans for her future.  Not that I couldn’t relate to the 60 year old man.. but holy fuck, did this all scream at me.  SO I sat down and I listened.  At one point the expert said “What if I told you, everything you wanted will happen. If that's marriage, kids, relationship.. whatever it is.. but your timeline was just later. 5 years down the road. What would you do with your life in the meantime? I guarantee you wouldn’t sit around in your feelings of loneliness, and constant comparison to others. You would build your empire because you would KNOW that what you really want is coming.” I sat there and had this thought. Am I living in the meantime?  I mean, I like to think so. Im building my empire. As much as I talk about dating, I know that whatever is meant to be, will inevitably be. I’m pushing myself emotionally and mentally every day. I think I'm on the right track for once. 

The way that question was posed to the caller made something that sounded so complicated, so easy. We need to live in the meantime, We need to just somehow manifest that what we want will come. Maybe its a vision board. Maybe you write things down on paper and burn them. Maybe you stick notes under your mattress. Its your way of doing things and that's ok. Why is the concept of believing in ourselves so foreign?

Today is the last day of mercury in retrograde. Tomorrow we get to claim back some clarity. Im going to carve out some time tomorrow evening to think about what I want over the next 5 years and find a way to manifest that shit. I hope you all do too, and find a way to live in your meantimes. 

[sorayahigashikata]

Chapter 61: "I said 'therapist,' not 'the rapist'!"