#and my mother. legitimately. forgot my birthday until yesterday

[modernmutiny]

See, this is why I don't celebrate my birthday anymore.

[adammilligan]

a blast from the past  —also available on my ao3

Adam wakes up.

Of course he does. He wakes up every time he decides to sleep.

He wakes up, though, and there’s a giant stuffed bear sitting at the foot of his bed, looming at him almost ominously. Adam shoots upwards, still staring at it, leaning his weight on his forearm as he does so.

It looks suspiciously like the one he’d gotten from his mother’s coworker—Alice, her name had been—on his fifth birthday, the one that his mom had given away to the little girl who lived down the street when Adam had grown too old for it. It’s a little different, though—this one was green instead of blue, and lacked the hat that his old one had worn.

“Michael?” he calls out, the confusion in his voice so thick that he can practically taste it on his tongue. Michael appears on the bed next to him, leaning back against the headboard with his legs stretched out like he’s a cat making himself comfortable.

Adam gestures to the bear, a flap of his hands that he doesn’t think properly emphasizes how much what the actual fuck is this that he’s feeling right now. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but that...wasn’t there yesterday. Right?”

Michael gives the bear a once-over, completely and entirely unconcerned save for a small little smile that Adam can see twitching at the corner of his lips, and that’s how Adam instantly realizes that this was Michael’s doing.

For whatever reason.

“Right,” Michael says, as simply as if he were describing the weather and not the giant fucking stuffed animal that had apparently made its new home in Adam’s room.

“Okay. Great. So, uh, why is it here?”

The archangel sends him a faux-innocent look, widening his eyes almost imperceptibly and shrugging like the winged asshole he is.

The smile ruins it.

Adam can feel his own mouth twitching to smile back in return and bites the inside of his cheek to keep from doing so. Instead, he shakes his head and moves to get out of bed.

What’s a mysterious bear-archangel combo after a thousand years of Hell, right? Might as well go get something to eat.

———

There’s watches in his cereal bowl.

Adam tips the box into the bowl, expecting the clatter of Cocoa Puffs, and instead there’s watches. Actual, legitimate watches, sleek and shiny and eerily similar to the one he’d gotten when he was fifteen. He’d had it up until just a few hours before he’d died—the first time, anyway. He’d taken it off for a morning shower and then forgot to put it back on, and...well, there was no need to get into the details, was there?

But now there were a bunch of watches filling his bowl, and really, he should’ve guessed that something was up when he’d realized that the cereal box was heavier than usual, but he was still trying to suppress the memory of the cold, dead eyes of the bear.

Seriously. It had been looking right at him.

Adam’s still staring at the bowl when he feels trickles of amusement start emanating from Michael’s grace, and he turns to face the entertained archangel from where he’s standing directly behind him. Michael’s hands are in his pockets, smile still ever-present on his face, and Adam holds up the box.

“Watches?”

“Watches,” Michael confirms, his eyes twinkling with laughter even though he makes no further noise.

Adam nods once in complete and utter defeat, reaches into the box, and grabs one for himself. Setting the box down, he wraps the two cords around his wrist and sets to work fumbling with the straps, losing grip of them twice before Michael steps close and curls his hands around them.

“Let me,” he murmurs, his deft fingers dancing feather-light on Adam’s skin as he works the straps with precise efficiency. Adam’s too busy staring at him to even notice when he finishes—they suddenly exist in a thousand eternities compressed into a measly second, Michael’s face not even a foot from his, each brush against the inside of his wrist sending warm flutters to the pit of his stomach until he feels like he might float away.

“There,” Michael says, bringing Adam slamming back down into reality, and he looks down to find the watch fastened perfectly on him—not too tight or too loose.

Michael’s hands linger longer than they probably should before finally disappearing back into the folds of his pockets. Adam swallows and clears his throat, averting his eyes back to the box and turning back to his bowl.

“Please tell me you didn’t do this to all my food.”

When he hears Michael start chuckling, he can’t help the way his shoulders start to shake as his own laughter fills the air.

———

There’s no end to the madness.

A jacket in the fridge that almost matches the one he’d gotten for his fourteenth birthday, a pair of shoes in his cupboard similar to the ones his mom had given him for his sixteenth, and more and more until he’s finding little trinkets in practically every nook and cranny in their apartment. It’s like a game, with Adam on the hunt for whatever else Michael had hidden with a snap of his fingers while Adam had been asleep as the archangel in question trails behind him, still radiating fond amusement every step of the way.

All the little gifts are close enough to their original counterparts that they allow quiet nostalgia to burrow its way into Adam’s heart, but not so close that it makes it ache. Michael’s added his own little twist to each and every one of them, and it makes Adam almost want to marvel at the seemingly-ordinary items as he looks over the small pile he’s accumulated.

“Alright, spill,” Adam says, grinning slightly as he meets Michael’s eyes. “What’s this about? Really.”

“You still don’t know?” Michael asks in return, raising his eyebrows. Adam, very pointedly, takes care not to let his eyes fall down to the upwards curve of his lips.

Adam peers at the pile again, mind grasping for any sort of explanation, but he’s drawing blanks left and right. “Nope.”

The archangel’s smile seems to broaden, and Adam watches as a box materializes in his hands, roughly the size of a shoebox. He holds it out to him with eyes warm enough to melt ice.

“Happy birthday, kid.”

Birthday?

Birthday.

Oh.

Adam reaches for the box, his conversational retort of You know what a birthday is? dying on his tongue as he realizes he knows this box. Has known it from the time that he was little.

This was his mom’s picture box. The one that she kept under her bed, where all the pictures that weren’t on display in the house went. It’s a little heavy in his hands but he barely feels it, watching it with wide eyes and handling it with cautious hands like it’s about to bite him.

“It isn’t a copy,” Michael says, answering Adam’s sudden, burning question right before it leaves his mouth. The implications of that—that Michael had gone back in time to get this—almost makes Adam go a little weak at the knees, because this...this is his past.

All of it, in one box.

The thought is daunting, part of the reason that he hadn’t wanted Michael to bring his mom back when they’d escaped rom the Cage, even after Michael had offered. The past was a place where he didn’t belong anymore, and it had seemed cruel to drag his mother into a time where she didn’t belong, either.

But these were pictures. He could see her, with these; even if he couldn’t see her.

Slowly, ever so slowly, he lifts the lid, inhaling sharply through his nose as his mom and himself greet him as the first picture on top. Michael had gotten the ones that had been set out around the house too, evidently, because Adam remembers this one—it had been on the fridge.

His mother’s smiling face beams up at him, wide and beautiful, and it does her more justice than any of his old memories ever could. Details that he’d forgotten stand out starkly against her form, and his eyes flicker over her smile again and again until they start to blur hot with tears, obstructing his ability to see her.

“Adam?” he hears, concern filling the air, and Adam sniffs, using the sleeve of his jacket to try and wipe his eyes before quickly setting the box on the table and practically tackling Michael in a hug.

If Michael had been human, Adam was pretty sure that the intensity of his grip would’ve been painful. As it is, Michael’s arms simply rise up to hug him in return, holding him gently in a gesture that had long grown familiar to them.

“Thank you,” Adam whispers, burying his face in the crook of Michael’s neck and squeezing his eyes shut. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Michael says, his tone low and soft in a way that Adam had only ever heard it be a few ephemeral times. It makes him breathe out a small, wet chuckle at the impossibility of all, and Michael tightens his grip by the most marginal of amounts in response.

Yeah. It was a happy birthday.

———

“You have a birthday today too and you didn’t even tell me?”

“I don’t think a religious celebration in my name counts as a birthday, kid. I don’t even have a birthday. I was made before time itself.”

“Nope, it’s a birthday. And I didn’t even get you anything—how long does your celebration last? Usually these whole religious things are longer, right?”

“...”

“Hey! See, Wikipedia says that the Romans used to do celebrations on the thirtieth, too! So we can go old-school and do it tomorrow. But we gotta do it right next year, okay?”

“...Go nuts, kid.”

[foreveranevilregal]

OUAT Rewatch: 1x01 Pilot

I’m a bit late to the party, but better late than never!

- I forgot how much the opening gave me chills. I remember being viscerally excited by the idea of fairy tale trope subversion when I first saw it, and it still holds up seven years later.

- Ginny and Josh’s chemistry is so evident even from that first scene, and watching them interact is so delightful, knowing they end up together for real.

- Lana commands attention from the second she first appears on screen. Her presence is so strong, and having met her, is a testament to her acting prowess, as she is just lovely as a person. It’s obvious why she was cast as the Evil Queen.

- Tiny Jared is so cute! As someone who lives in Boston, I’m now even more scared for this little ten-year-old navigating the city alone. It’s not safe!

- I’m a little upset the show didn’t dig deeper into Emma’s bail bondsperson past. The nervousness she displayed on the (fake) date seems so authentic, enough to lull a suspect into a false sense of security. I wish we’d seen more of how she tracks down and catches her targets.

 - Smashing Ryan’s face on his steering wheel is still one of my top 5 Emma Swan moments.

- I forgot how resourceful and clever Henry was. The pilot had such good characterization.

- Rumpelstiltskin was such a legitimately interesting and compelling character. And Robert Carlyle acted the hell out of the part.

- I really missed both the curse and the echoing/parallels between the Enchanted Forest and Storybrooke. Such solid narrative devices.

- “I found my real mom.” Nice anti adoption sentiments there. Not looking forward to several more weeks of this nonsense.

- I MISSED GRAHAM AND JAMIE DORNAN ON MY SCREEN, HELLO!

- Fun fact #1: the look Regina has going on when she meets Emma is one of my all time favorite Regina looks, and definitely one of my favorite Mayor Mills looks.

- Fun fact #2: when I watched the show the first time, I fully believed that Regina was cursed up until the end of the episode. I was fully prepared to love and support the badass single adoptive mother who runs the whole town. And then that last Regina scene happened.

- “Believing in even the possibility of a happy ending is a very powerful thing.” This show started out so strong, with so much content and interesting ideas and potential. I remember why I loved season 1 so much now.

- Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think that Emma’s comment about yesterday being her birthday may have triggered something in Regina’s memory if she was aware of the prophecy. Knowing that she erased her own memory in 3x09, this may have been the moment she fully woke up.

- “Do you love him?” “Of course I love him.” My first time through, I took Regina’s dismissive tone to indicate that she was being less than sincere, but now, I think that she was dismissive because she didn’t feel the need to prove her love for her son to essentially a complete stranger.

[westywrites]

Character Journal

This was a project for my Writer’s Craft class. We were supposed to make a journal to work on ‘show not tell’ in terms of characterization. I ended up quite liking mine.

Monday, May 8th, 2017

Went on a tour for my new job today. It’s at that big old psychiatric hospital on the hill just outside of town. I'm going to use this journal to take notes on the kids I'll be working with. I'm so lucky to be getting this job right out of grad school, I'm so excited! Ok, this notebook will be professional from now on.

Tuesday, May 9th, 2017

My patients are as follows: -Valerie Jacobs, 16, hospitalized after third suicide attempt in two months -Peter Thompson, 9, selectively mute for unknown reasons, likely autistic -Nicholas Cockburn, 11, PTSD due to severe abuse by father, suffers frequent nightmares and outbursts -Samantha Reiner, 12, niece of the mayor, recently transferred after five years in a high security hospital for attempting to burn down her house with her family trapped inside, demonstrates psychopathic tendencies

Wednesday, May 10th, 2017

-remember that the Reiner girl goes by Sam, she held my briefcase hostage for three hours until I swore on my life to never call her Samantha again -board games could be the key to getting Peter to talk, his collection astounds me -it will take some effort to earn Nicholas’s trust, he's putting up a barrier of ‘respect’

Thursday, May 11th, 2017

-Valerie can earn a few words from Peter, she calls him ‘Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater’ and often sings to him -Sam likes to upset Nicholas by breaking the rules, that dynamic could be damaging for both of them -Sam tried to steal my notebook to ‘learn more about her new friends’, said she likes my doodles

Friday, May 12th, 2017

-Nicholas’s outbursts can be triggered by loud sounds, unfortunately Sam figured this out -Peter needs to be protected, Sam spent the afternoon lurking around him Side note: Ben is upset that all I have talked about this week is work, he claims to be more important because we're dating, but work comes first, these kids need me, hopefully he’ll feel better after the weekend

Monday, May 15th, 2017

-Over the weekend Sam spent several hours in solitary, it seems to have been counterproductive -Keep a closer eye on Valerie, her apparent happiness is suspicious -Peter invited me to play with him, this is progress -Told Nicholas about my troubles with Ben over the weekend, he played counsellor for our relationship, confiding in him seems to be earning his trust

Tuesday, May 16th, 2017

-Valerie is always with the boys, she only talks about them, she follows them and wipes their faces and does their dishes, her smile is bright but I swear it doesn't reach her eyes -Sam said her father told her it was inappropriate for a Reiner to doodle, she asked me to teach her to draw like I do

Wednesday, May 17th, 2017

-Peter spoke to me! Just to tell me he wanted to play checkers, but it's progress -Valerie and Nicholas spent the day in the gardens together, no idea what she said, but Valerie convinced Nicholas to trust me and when they returned he told me about his father, the poor child…

Thursday, May 18th, 2017

-Sam stabbed Nicholas with fork, ‘by accident’. She is in solitary until Monday. -Peter and I had a conversation today, he is worried about Valerie, apparently he watches her and when she thinks she is alone she cries. He told me to make her happy because he loves her -Nicholas had a horrible nightmare last night, I'm spending the night so I'm here if he needs me

Friday, May 19th, 2017

-Reminder: don't sleep in the chair in Nicholas’s room, my back hurts like hell -Nicholas yelled at Peter for playing charades wrong, Peter hid in his room and wouldn't come out Side note: Ben is freaking out again, he called me a workaholic, said I love the kids more than I love him

Monday, May 22nd, 2017

-Sam told me no one cares about her, I said I do, she ran and hid in her room for the rest of the day -Peter told me he saw Valerie crying again, when I asked her about it she changed the subject -Peter has many interesting things to say, he told me a story about a ‘lost, lonely, loving, abandoned’ cat also named Peter

Tuesday, May 23rd, 2017

-Valerie bakes when she needs time to herself, she burnt three batches of muffins today, still changes the subject to talk about the boys every time I ask how she's feeling -Sam is causing trouble again, how do I get through to this girl?

Wednesday, May 24th, 2017

-Sam smiled what looked like a genuine smile, she even laughed a bit, unfortunately, it was only because she tripped Nicholas and he began yelling and crying -Valerie found excuses not to talk to me all day, I’m starting to really worry about her

Thursday, May 25th, 2017

-Nicholas had a complete breakdown in our session today, it had something to do with Sam. -I have to think of some way to stop Sam from doing this… Her actions beg for attention but I can't validate her -Nicholas is prone to nightmares when he's like this, I'm going to stay the night again

Friday, May 26th, 2017

-Haven't seen Valerie all day? She normally hovers around the boys but she was nowhere to be found… Side note: I totally forgot it was Ben’s birthday yesterday and my phone was dead so I didn't even tell him I wasn't going to be home….. I really screwed up this time….

Monday, May 29th, 2017

-Sam tried to stab Peter at lunch today, Peter stabbed her in self-defence and hasn't stopped crying since -I can't put Sam in solitary again, she acts like she doesn't care but the light fades more from her eyes each time she returns. I think she needs someone to trust her, to forgive her. Her emotions are building up, she needs a release...

Tuesday, May 30th, 2017

-Valerie was doting on Peter, he's still upset about yesterday, Sam didn't like it. No idea what happened, the girls started yelling, I would have never imagined that look on Valerie's face. -Valerie hasn't come out of her room yet, I’m really concerned for her, I am going to spend the night Side note: I called Ben to tell him, he broke up with me. I'm upset but these kids need me

Wednesday, May 31st, 2017

-Sam legitimately tried to kill Peter. She was sedated and transferred back to the high-security hospital -Nicholas saved Peter, he saved him but Sam pushed Nicholas down the stairs, had to call an ambulance, his mother is transferring him somewhere ‘safer’... -Valerie watched it all, there was nothing she could do but she blames herself. I'm going to spend the night to keep an eye on her

Thursday, June 1st, 2017

I fell asleep…. I fell asleep and now she's gone…. broke into the medicine cabinet…. Peter found her this morning after she didn't wake him up for breakfast. She looked almost peaceful as they carried her body away…. This is my fault... if I had sent Sam to solitary this wouldn't have happened….

Friday, June 2nd, 2017

-Peter doesn't understand, he kept asking me where Valerie is…. I don't have the heart to explain it again, I don't have the strength to do this anymore. -I quit, this afternoon I just quit. I'm done. That place is haunted by the memories of that beautiful girl who took her life in a place designed to save her. -Peter is alone there, no one understands him, I'm alone too…. I'm going to save him, I swear I'll get him out of there soon