#and now for unnecessarily long tags on an otherwise short post

[ultraternative]

i should turn myself into a rat at some point

[folkloreguk]

Moving Antics (M)

A/N: This was requested a while ago and I hope you will enjoy it! I always welcome feedback of any kind! Have a good day x

genre: smut, optional bias (m) x reader (f), oral (m receiving), unprotected sex, overstimulation (a tiny bit), dom!bias, very lowkey roleplaying??, reader wears a maid outfit (not in a degrading way)

words: ~ 5.4 k

tag list: @mochi-ficz (let me know if you wanna be tagged when I post new fics!)

People had told you over and over. Moving is a stressful, exhausting process. It would take a while for you to settle in. Until everything had found its perfect place, weeks could pass. At least that’s what everybody said. What they all failed to understand, though, was that being in love could make the most tiring experience fun. Was it stressful? Sometimes. Exhausting? Why don’t you ask yourself that, when you fell into bed like a walking corpse at night? But all it took was a glimpse at your boyfriend as he carried inside the box that said ‘anniversary gifts’ and it was all worth it. You were confident in one thing at least. In the settling in department you were both ranking foremost.

You had lived in the apartment for only a week, and you couldn’t have been more all-over-each-other. Somehow there seemed to be an unspoken challenge you had both taken on. Maybe you two could set a record for most surfaces in a flat someone could have sex on. Or perhaps you should have started marking the rooms and spaces you hadn’t been able to add to your list yet. There wouldn’t have been many left. At the moment, there was only one downside to being so head-over-heels in love. A lot of the boxes in the apartment had been left unattended, as if you only waited long enough, the things would start flying out of the cartons and miraculously sort themselves out while you could stay there, in bed with your lover between your legs.

But this wasn’t Hogwarts and you weren’t some magician. And so one rainy Saturday noon you decided it would be thatday. The day you finally put away all the things that were still in the boxes. Not that the day had been successful so far. It was 12 pm and you were in bed. The shower was running in the bathroom next door, and you wondered how you would convince your boyfriend and yourself that getting things done would be a worthwhile pastime. Telling yourself you would come up with a tactic with your eyes closed, you tricked yourself into daydreaming for a little while longer, cuddled in the blankets that still smelled like him.

When you heard footsteps approach, your mind snapped back to reality. He strut through the door like a nude model, searching for some clothes to wear. His smirk when he saw you eye him was prominent and made your stomach flip. It took every last will of yours to not ask him to come back into bed with you, forget all your earlier plans and live like you were the last people on earth.

“Do you want breakfast?” he asked, finishing his outfit by pulling a shirt over his head. “I’ll make you some.”

You hummed, starry-eyed at his perfection. “Thank you,” you said. Quickly, he kissed your forehead and then walked off, presumably in the direction of the kitchen. Twenty minutes later, at the kitchen table, you finally brought up your wonderful idea.

“I think we really should unpack some more stuff today,” you said, “Don’t you think?”

“You’re right,” he said, “We’ve really been procrastinating.”

“You can say that again,” you laughed.

“Although I wouldn’t describe our scientific research of the last few days as completely pointless.”

“Our what?” you asked. You were getting up to put away the plates of your late breakfast.

“Us testing which room of the house is the most fun to have sex in,” he stated, matter of fact. “I vote for the bathroom.”

“You just love the mirrors,” you grinned, and he mirrored it.

“I do,” he said. His arms snuck around your waist from behind. “Almost as much as I love you.”

“I love you too, babe,” you said, “You know, there’s one room we haven’t tried yet.”

“The office,” he said. You turned your head and you kissed him deeply. In agreement you hummed, your arms wrapping around him. He pulled you closer, hands ghosting over the back of your thighs and up to your hips. You felt like jumping onto the counter and having him there, again, just like you had done it two days ago. But then you remembered you had other projects for the day. If you gave in to him now, you’d end up back in bed for the rest of the day, probably. Guilt was already setting in at the mere thought.

“Wait,” you pulled away and said, “We have things to get done.”

His nod was dilatory but then he seemed to recall his own determination from around two minutes ago. You wished you could have motivated him otherwise, but you were already struggling to spur on yourself to be productive. Then, you suddenly remembered something. Your eyes must have widened in surprise because he furrowed his brows at you.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Stay here,” you announced, “I’ll make sure we get through with this today.”

And you were off to your bedroom. You pulled the box out from the far back of your closet. Memories flashed your mind, of when you and your boyfriend had been watching a show together. One of the characters had been wearing a provocative maid outfit, and you still thought about the way he had grinned at it, or how he had said he found it cute, which you believed translated to sexy, but he had been a little shy back then.

Long story short you bought one. And what better occasion to put it to use than now? You went all out, stockings and heels as well as your attempt at fixing your hair quickly, which you knew didn’t really matter, since you would want it out of the way if you were really going to be emptying boxes. You strut down the hall, catching a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. The black and white costume just about covered your ass, and on your chest was a cutout in the shape of a cat’s head. The ruffles of the material bounced as you walked, excited to see your boyfriend’s reaction.

“Close your eyes!” you shouted. “No cheating!”

“I never cheat,” he said. You rolled your eyes, remembering his video game antics from the past.

“Before you say anything…this is supposed to be a motivation for us to empty the boxes. If we do that, we can have our reward,” you said.

“What reward?” he asked, eyes still shut.

“Open your eyes and you’ll know,” you said. Oh, how dearly you whished you could have captured his face on camera.

“Babe…,” he said. Then his mouth just stayed agape, as he ogled at you shamelessly. Just because he could. Because he was just thatlucky to have you.

“Do you like it?” you asked.

“Yes. Of course I do,” he said. His tone was emotionless because he was way too busy sorting out his own thoughts in his head. “But do you really think this is a good idea? How am I supposed to focus on anything but you?”

“We’ll figure it out,” you said. “Don’t you want to feel accomplished at the end of it all? If we don’t start working now, we’ll just end up feeling guilty. Again. Come on, let’s do this.”

“Alright,” he said. “Let me have one kiss.”

You laughed and granted him that one wish. His lips lingered on yours for a while. You knew he didn’t want to pull away. Neither did you. But at last, he had enough control to remove himself from you. It was the office that still needed the most work to be done. Cardboard boxes were piled on top of each other, labelled with some sort of theme or room of belonging on the outside. When you looked his way, he was only eyeing your legs. But then you grabbed the closest box to you and handed it to your boyfriend, and he snapped out of his trance.

Believe it or not, there were up- and downsides to the maid costume in this situation. The pros included feeling unnecessarily sexy whilst doing an unbelievably humane task, not getting too warm since you were already wearing little clothing and having your boyfriend virtually drooling over your appearance. The downsides were mostly reduced to one word: heels. Climbing a ladder and balancing three boxes on top of each other in your arms was an arduous task to begin with. Now add the possibility of twisting your ankle on the top step of a ladder and crashing to the floor, probably breaking your back or worse. You really couldn’t endanger the prospect of the fun you were planning on having later by taking that risk.

That’s why you chose to abandon the heels somewhere on the floor about half an hour into the process. And you came to the conclusion that finally getting over and done with what you had been procrastinating for the last week wasn’t all that bad. You were a whirlwind, running from room to room to make sure everything had its place. At some point he had turned some music on, and it was making everything even better. After all this time, you finally had your own place to decorate however you desired. As you admired how nicely things were coming together, you hummed to yourself quietly.

You weren’t sure whether he was having as much fun as you were. Especially not when you walked past him in the doorframe, carrying four pillows. Your ass – maybe not all that accidentally – brushed against his front as you entered the room. Innocence and feigned ignorance were on your face but you noticed exactly the way his eyes dwelled on you for a little longer until he got back to work.

But everything you could do he could do just as well. Fifteen minutes later, you were occupied with stacking books onto a shelf. Wanting them to stand in a very specific order turned out to be more time-consuming than you had anticipated. You heard his steps behind you, assuming he was going to walk past you. Suddenly his lips brushed against your exposed neck.

“Remember this song?” he asked. You hadn’t been focused on the music for a while now, but of course you remembered. “Remember when I fucked you to the beat of this? Because I do.”

“Babe,” you said. There was a little part in your brain that had the glorious idea of him having you right there, against the bookshelf. You wouldn’t even need to remove your clothes. With him, it took nothing but a few magic words and you felt like giving him all of you. No. It’s not time for that yet. Your rationality vanquished that little avid thought and pushed it away, back into your unconscious where it had come from. It wasn’t gone yet, only not so urgent anymore.

“You’re right,” he said. “We’ll save that for later. Just wanted to remind you of how much of a good time we can have.”

You only shook your head and grinned as he walked off, pretending to be blissfully unbothered. What goes around, comes around, after all. And you deserved that for pushing up against him earlier. It took a minute and you got back to sorting your book titles. Time passed surprisingly fast when you were being productive. Box after box emptied itself, almost as if your wish for magic powers had become reality. But it was just two people, who were so excited about their reward that they forgot to even take a proper break in between the chaos. And soon you were down to the last cardboard box. It was full of decorations you didn’t need for the current season.

Just a few more climbs up and down the ladder to the very top of the closet and you were done. He stood next to the ladder, handing you the things so you didn’t have to go all the way down each time.

“Last one,” he said, giving you a box with holiday lights. Successfully, you placed it in its new spot. When you finally made eye contact with him, he was already staring at you like you were the only thing in the room worth looking at. To be fair, from where he stood, there wasn’t much left up to his imagination. With your stockings on display, his eyes could probably go all the way up to your garter belt.

“Is this angle too revealing?” you asked.

“Absolutely,” he said, making you laugh. Smirking, he took your hand as you stepped off the ladder. You stumbled into his body as you grinned at each other. You both had the same thing on your mind, without a doubt. It was like a little inside joke you had made up just now, making you flirt through looks and small touches. His hand rubbed the small of your back as he bent to your ear.

“My pretty maid, haven’t you worked enough for the day?” he asked. “All that teasing you did today must have been soexhausting.”

You nodded overly seriously, as if riling up your horny boyfriend was physically tiring work. “I hope I did a good job. Did I?”

“No one else could have done it better,” he said. “Now let me treat you, baby.”

You hummed with your mouth already too close to his to say anything. Then your lips finally crashed onto his. It was a little ridiculous how much you missed his touch after only hours of being without it. People had told you you’d get tired of being with each other all the time. But it had been years and you still wished you could have cuffed his wrist to yours because you loved him just that much.

Your tongues fought playfully as you pushed him against the closet front. Small noises came from both of your mouths, quietly agreeing that this was what you had been waiting for – more or less patiently. Your hands became busy with the buttons of his flannel. When you came across his bare skin underneath instead of a shirt, you smiled into the kiss. Every layer less to remove meant you were one step closer to what you wanted.

“We’ve never done it in here,” you muttered against his hungry lips. “That table looks nice, doesn’t it?”

He grinned. Your hands had already messed up his hair, but nothing came close to his dark eyes in moments like these. His look never failed to make your heart skip a beat while you wondered how you had ended up with the most handsome guy in the world.

“Will you think of us, if you ever sit there and work in the future?” he asked, leading you over to the office table. He dropped his flannel on the ground on the way.

“I always think about us,” you said. “But you can make sure this one stays especially prominent in my memory.”

“There’s nothing I’d rather do,” he said, and kissed you again. Your ass was backed against the edge of the table and one of his legs pushed between your thighs. It made you whimper quietly in anticipation. He touched the little part on your thighs that was bare, playing with your garters. With your eyes closed, his tongue on yours and his hands being so close but so far from where you needed him, your head spun with dizziness. He was like a drug, like alcohol dripping straight from his lips and the more you kissed him, the less control you had over yourself. His attention gave you loose lips and the impulse to be risky, all whilst feeling so high up in the clouds you weren’t sure you’d ever find your way back down. You hissed when he pressed his fingers against your underwear.

“You’ll keep the dress on,” he said. “Will you?”

“Of course,” you obliged. “If that’s what you want.”

“Good girl,” he said, and he pulled aside your panties to slide his finger over the slickness that had formed between your thighs. As if on command, your hips moved closer to his hand as you whimpered at the too gentle friction. All afternoon you had been thinking of his hands on you. When you had watched him peel away the tape from the boxes, when he was taking your hand to help you down from the ladder and when he had run his fingers through his hair absentmindedly – all you could think about was how much you wanted those hands to grab your hips and for him to have his way with you.

“Take these off,” he ordered. His stern but gentle voice turned your insides into mush. It made you behave almost like a robot, no ifs ands or buts. When you usually liked to tease him, you knew not to test your limits when he spoke in this tone. Your underwear dropped to the floor and you kicked it a few meters away. Again, his hands ghosted under your dress and found your center. You felt like your knees would buckle from the way he rubbed small circles on your clit. Moaning quietly, you wrapped your arms around his neck for support, leaning your forehead against his chest for a moment. You let out small huffs and whimpers against his skin and nuzzled especially close to him when he touched that one special spot for a few seconds.

“Look at me.” He watched intently as your eyelids fluttered like your eyes were going to roll to the back of your head. You tried your best.

“Put your hands on the table by your sides,” he said. You hummed in disapproval but didn’t dare say so. After all, he could have also told you to put them on your back. And holding on to a wooden edge was still better than not holding on to anything, when you felt like a child standing on its feet for the first time. When he hooked his free hand under your thigh, lifting up your leg a little, your grip on the table tightened. You swore under your breath when he plunged two of his fingers into you. He curled them, pushing hard against your sweet spot and you curled your back in response.

All day you had gone without any sort of attention, when your head had been so full of things you knew you could do with him. The most release you had gotten – which was basically no release at all – was from pushing your legs together tightly when the dirty thoughts had become too much for your brain to handle. You knew it was your own fault for setting yourself up with this challenge. But now with your chest heaving and your head feeling like a tsunami of emotions was raging inside of it, you didn’t regret it as much as you thought you would two hours ago. Maybe you should play this waiting game more often, instead of jumping onto each other any chance you got.

“You look so hot like this,” he said. At the sound of his voice your eyes opened. Those eyes. While they usually held loyalty and playfulness, they now only spoke of authority. He used his thumb to rub your clit whilst his fingers were still inside of you, making you feel like floating. You were his favorite sight, by far. Above all times he watched you, from waking up in the morning to falling asleep in his arms at night, right now was the most mesmerizing. Your parted lips were the entrance to heaven and the glow in your teary, desperate eyes was putting the evening sun to shame.

“I’m so close,” you moaned. Your chest was alternating between short puffs and not breathing at all. Maybe your brain was too focused on the bliss you were chasing to care about breathing for now. You couldn’t blame yourself.

“Don’t make a mess, baby,” he said.

“No, I won’t,” you said. “Can I touch you when I come, please?”

You gave him your most entreating eyes, knowing that even though he liked telling you what to do in the bedroom, not even the strictest boyfriend was immune to your puppy eyes. You suspected that if he had declined, you might have held on to him anyways. Too overpowering was the clamor inside your head that was telling you to be close to him.

“Only when you’re coming,” he said. “Not a second earlier.”

You nodded obediently as your eyes shut again. Good thing you were mere moments away from just that. His fingers moved quickly, now that he knew how close you were to your high. It robbed your breath all at once. And it did the job, after a short while. You whined and arched your back, your hands flinging around his shoulders. Your little noises came out muffled against his skin as you closed your legs around his hand. He barely moved his fingers anymore, but kept the pressure on your most sensitive spots, making sure you could relish in every last second of your orgasm. Only after a while your grip on him loosened, and you realized how your nails had been digging into his skin.

“Sorry,” you said, rubbing over the moon-shaped marks on his shoulder. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, baby,” he said. When he removed his hand, you shuddered one last time, but missed his touch already. His magic was always working on you. Even when he had just made you come, the mere sight of the bulge in his pants, ready to spring free, made you want to pull him right into your body again.

“You came so fast today,” he said. Softly, he kissed you, but you noticed the hint of hunger that he must had been feeling as you were coming down from your high.

“That’s what you do to me,” you admitted. “Do you think you’re the only one who felt tortured all day long? It was driving me crazy, too.”

“You seemed to have a lot of fun, messing with my head,” he said, smirking.

“You’ll find that it was worth it, after this,” you said. He raised his eyebrows in question. You were already stepping forward, dropping to your knees in front of him. Like a child on Christmas morning, his eyes lit up at the sight of you.

“Aren’t you the prettiest maid?” he asked, the question obviously rhetorical. To him, you were the prettiest person in the whole universe. You tugged on his pants and pulled them down, along with his underwear. Your mouth watered at the sight of his member, hard and red from all the waiting he’d had to endure. The way he looked at you from above made you feel small, but he stroked your hair out of your face gently and you knew this was exactly where you wanted to be right now, and any other day.

“Hands behind your back,” he said. You smiled and did as he said, holding your right wrist with your left hand on your back. He caught on to your reaction right away.

“You don’t even mind, right?” he said. You were already sitting straight, mouth open, your tongue protruding slightly. “You like it when I make it more difficult for you, don’t you?”

You only nodded and hummed a small yes, then he placed the tip of his dick on your tongue. At first, you only closed your mouth around it, not taking more of him. Your tongue licked over the swollen tip almost shyly. He groaned as he watched you test the waters. After all, he was the one who could control what you did to him. For now, however, he seemed to leave you your freedom to do what you felt like. You pressed your tongue flat against the underside of his cock, licking over the tip ever so slowly. Then, you sunk your mouth further onto his length, taking as much as you could. It was so quiet you only noticed his uneven breathing as he eyed you from above.

“Shit, you’re so good for me,” he said. “Now stop with the teasing, will you? You know what happens if you don’t.”

You knew exactly. And so you shifted from your slow movements to quicker ones. You made sure to keep your tongue on him, especially when you moved your head away, swirling it around the tip now and then. His moans were music to your ears and only motivated you further. You had always loved his voice, when you sang to the song on the car radio or hummed his latest favorite song under the shower. But nothing compared to the way his voice sounded when you sucked him off. He seemed to be the most unrestrained then, not caring who heard him because he was way to obsessed with you sitting by his feet. The way he looked at you then made your stomach turn in pleasure. He didn’t even need to say anything or touch you. His overseeing eyes alone made you want him more than anything else.

His fingers in your hair curled, pushing your head further down on him. You focused on not gagging, your eyes closing. Tears brimmed behind your eyelids, but you were determined not to let them fall. Instead, you opened your lips a little wider and stuck your tongue out to make it easier for him to use your mouth however he desired.

“That’s a good girl,” he said, sighing in relief. You were awaiting treatment a lot rougher than the one he gave you, though. He thrusted into your mouth rather slowly, giving you enough of a break to remember to breathe. When you looked up at him with your sweetest eyes possible, his expression was a mix of strain and pleasure. You suspected he was trying not to overdo it just yet.

“Baby…can I fuck you or is that too much for you?” he asked. You perked up at his request. When you started humming around his length, he pulled away to let you speak.

“Please,” you said. “Fuck me. On the table.”

“Alright, my baby’s making the rules now, is she?” he said. “Come here.”

“I thought that’s where you wanted me to remember you, wasn’t it?” you asked, getting up.

“You’re right,” he said. You sat down on the edge of the office table with your legs parted for him to stand between them. Just once he kissed you. You wanted him to hurry, so you linked your heels behind his back, pulling him closer.

“Take me like a good girl.” He ran his cock over your slick folds, and he groaned when he felt your warmth on him. In response you nodded willingly, unable to wait a second more for him. Luckily, he didn’t plan on dragging out the anticipation any longer. With ease he slid into you, finding a familiar rhythm right away. As if you hadn’t just come ten minutes ago, you whimpered pathetically at the satisfaction. You leaned your weight onto your hands behind you, watching his cock enter you over and over. There was no limit to how many times you could have him inside of you. Every time it felt the same. Like he was completing you, all whilst simultaneously ruining you. His thrusts were sharp and as you raised your legs and changed the angle slightly, your eyes rolled back for a moment.

“Harder,” you asked, even though you were already overwhelmed.

“You want more?” he asked. You hummed a yes and nodded quickly. His grip on your waist tightened as he pulled you closer to the edge of the table. He didn’t disappoint. He never did. Swiftly, he pushed your legs further open and pounded into you, making your body shake every time his hips slapped against yours. It drove you borderline mad. A part of your brain urged you to praise him, to let him know what he was doing to you. But then, those unspoken words between you were inconsequential. You didn’t need to tell him how good he was. He could read it in every part of your body. He saw it in the arch of your back, in your curled toes and in your lip that was captured between your teeth. He heard it in the way you moaned and said his name like he was your savior.

Plus, you would tell him all about it afterward. But that wasn’t what your mind was focused on momentarily. It was the way he hit your sweet spot every time and you could barely breathe normally amidst your whimpers. You hadn’t even introduced yourself to all your neighbors yet, but they most certainly had taken notice of your arrival in the new apartment.

“Can you use your hands for me?” he asked. “Show me touching yourself, baby.”

His words and the look of dominance in his eyes was all it took, and without second thought your hands went to your center. You sucked in a breath at the added pleasure. It was almost too much at first, but then you let it all in. Like a wave was crashing over you, your eyes closed, and you hummed from the intensity.

“That’s it. Make yourself come again,” he said. “You can do it again.”

“Yes,” you said, almost breathed with the weakest voice. Your body had other things to focus on at that moment, letting your vocal chords do whatever they felt like. You clenched your walls around him and the knot in your stomach tightened with every little circle you drew on your clit. His usually tender eyes were everything but that as he watched you revel in the pleasure.

“So fucking hot,” he groaned. You tried hard to uphold eye-contact through fluttering eyelids and furrowed brows. “Good girl, keep going. Tell me when you’re coming.”

You hummed a yes as one of his hands cupped the side of your neck, the other remaining on your hips so he could push your body against his own with every thrust. After all this time of being with him you knew what it meant when his moans became higher pitched and he seemed to not realize his mean grip on your skin – not that you minded. You loved seeing the marks he left on you, especially when you had nowhere to be the next days. It always made him hungry, when he saw the dark spots on your skin, like a fading memory of what you had done.

A curse fell from his perfect lips and his thrusts turned sloppy as he came inside of you. His face, all twisted in bliss and from exhaustion, was all you needed.

“Stay inside of me. Just for a little while, please,” you plead, fingers on your clit rubbing at the quickest speed you could muster. “I’ll come if you stay.”

“I’m right here,” he said, slowing his actions until he was just filling you up, but now moving anymore. “It’s okay. Come for me.”

Just having him there, stretching out your walls and making you feel so close to him was all you really needed. And his words of affirmation sent you over the edge in no time. It was a toe-curling, mind-bending surge that overcame you at your release. Stars danced delightfully behind your closed eyelids while you tried to process all of it. He gripped your hand that was touching your clit and pressed it down, urging you to go on for a little while longer. You whined in sensitivity, feeling like your legs would give in, even though you were already sitting down. For just another while, he dragged out your orgasm as you struggled to control your overwhelmed senses. He distracted you by bending forward and letting his lips graze yours.

“You did so good,” he said. “My pretty maid.”

You whimpered and then sighed when he finally lifted your hand away from between your legs. Only then you could scrape together some words.

“We both did good today,” you grinned. “And I mean not only the last half hour.”

“Agreed,” he said. “Tomorrow we could tackle those last boxes in the kitchen. What do you think?”

“Can the maid outfit make another appearance?” you asked.

“I was hoping it might,” he said, kissing you softly. Your tired limbs and mind welcomed his gentleness as your hands went to his hair. You could already guess how the next day would go, then. But truth be told, you didn’t mind it one bit.

[mjxmoon]

a message from moon 

i hit 100 followers on here a little bit ago and want to say thank you, so thank you very much, but also goodbye.

warning: this is unnecessarily long because i like to ramble so feel free to read the last few paragraphs more specifically the one labeled important lol

i’m going to be a senior in high school which means college applications are about to whoop my ass so i wasn’t planning on being as active anyway but a lot of stuff has changed for me regarding the contents of this blog and i feel like i owe y’all an explanation.

i’m not really a fan of dream anymore. honestly i stopped watching his content about a month after i created this blog. i didn’t hate him or anything just got wrapped up in other interests. oddly enough i still enjoyed writing about him and other members of the dream team so i continued doing it. plus so many of you sent in requests and i was so excited that my work was being appreciated that i happily continued writing. 

but now i think i’m at a point where it feels weird writing stuff about a person who i…not dislike butttt am no longer pleased with? it’s hard to explain. but in short i’ve kinda just lost interest and have found myself viewing the dream smp/team etc. in a whole new light. 

i hope this doesn’t feel like i’ve been lying to you all. i genuinely enjoyed writing and posting what i did and don’t regret anything at all. i have zero bad blood with the mcyt fan community, i just want to move on. 

i know i was pretty inactive compared to other blogs and most of you are probably like ‘oh shit she still posts?’ but i actually did have a lot of fun on here even if i was just sharing my work inconsistently with a small number of people.

when i created this account back in february i felt proud to be known by a lot of you as one of the first writers posting mcyt content catered to Black people. i do a lot of work with Black representation in my local community so getting to do it online even for a couple of months felt good.

i have no intention of deleting this blog. i’ll keep everything up for now unless i decide otherwise in the late future. and i still have some unfinished things that i might finish and post but maybe i’ll share what’s in my inbox as prompts for all of you because there are some good ones in there that i never got around to (sorry!!). but seriously if any of y’all ever make some black reader content mcyt related or not: tag me i would love to check it out!!!!  

(important) i know i said “goodbye” but it’s really more of a goodbye to the mcyt content. i’ll definitely continue to post random shit on here and maybe i’ll even start writing for my other interests. but since a lot of you followed for the mcyt content feel free to unfollow no hard feelings i understand. 

so thank you everyone!!!! thank you to my beautiful anons y’all truly were the highlight of my mcyt era and thank you to everyone who liked, reblogged, followed etc. i love you dearly. also im always online and do truly love making new friends so hit me up :D

- moon

omg why did i write so much swear no ones gonna see this LMAOOO this was more for me anyway, like a breakup letter for myself or something else stupid also i created a new blog so if y’all want that let me know and i’ll dm it to you ok im done 

[tsarisfanfiction]

WIP #46

(Send me a number 1-60 [or a fandom/character I guess] for the corresponding wip) because I’m bored and brain-fried and have too many wips that’ll otherwise never see the light of day.

For @janetm74 who actually asked for ‘Thunderbirds, 31′ but 31 isn’t TAG so we’ve got the closest TAG one instead. (top tip: wips are mostly arranged alphabetically by fandom and the TAG wips are 46-59!)

It was really only a matter of time before someone hit Scott!whump, wasn’t it?  Snippets of this one have actually appeared in previous ask games, so you get the whole thing this time (because I don’t remember which bits I’ve already posted).  Fun fact: this was my first attempt at Virgil’s PoV!

There was always something wrong about Scott in Thunderbird Two.  Of all the Tracys, he was the least likely to travel in the green behemoth that was, in Virgil’s private opinion, the heart of International Rescue.

And yes, that included John.

Gordon was his co-pilot, his wingman, his back-up.  For all that the aquanaut was, well, an aquanaut, there was honestly no-one else Virgil would rather behind the controls of his beloved girl if he was needed elsewhere. Heavy lifting, or – his least favourite – medical duties could sometimes pull him elsewhere, and in those moments his immediate brother would take the helm with a joking smile but steady hands that would never let anything befall Two (if only, he thought from time to time, because without Two Four would be grounded).

Alan was all nervous energy, a genius pilot but too cocky for Virgil to ever be truly relaxed when Two was in his hands, but it was far from uncommon for his youngest brother to be perched behind him, screens and panels showing readout after readout as he assessed situations and started remote assembly of pods when time was particularly of the essence.  Sometimes, often, he knew Alan desired the speed of One, but he also liked his comfort and short of pulling Three’s own seats into One (a feat done once, never repeated), there was no comfort as a passenger of their first response craft. Or even as the pilot, in Virgil’s opinion.

John was an unusual passenger, unlikely to be Earthside for a mission – and even if he was, quickly wrapping things up and ascending back to the lofty heights of Five and the world at his fingertips – but when he was Earthside, well, Thunderbird Two was his ship of choice.  He didn’t pilot her, for all that he was trained, but no matter what Scott would mutter, John was stubborn about always using Two to get to the danger zone.  Something about reckless flying and too much gravity. Virgil couldn’t truly say he understood, because John’s aversion to gravity had never been a point in common between them, but he did at least appreciate that Thunderbird One was fast, and generated far more Gs than any atmosphere-bound craft had any right to make.

Statistically speaking, Scott did travel in Two more than John did, but as he didn’t spend over three hundred days in the year off planet, Virgil wasn’t quite so fussed on the literal numbers.  Scott in Two always, always meant something was wrong.  Maybe One was out of action (again) but Scott wanted to be on the rescue anyway.  Maybe the world was conspiring against them, and Scott just wanted to be with his brothers rather than haring off at triple their speed and leaving them alone and vulnerable (Virgil knew that really One was more vulnerable than Two, although his eldest brother could never see it that way).

Or maybe, the worst wrong of all that always lined Virgil’s stomach with lead and dried up all the saliva in his mouth, Scott wasn’t fit to fly.

John was hovering, holographic form always a little too dull to accurately capture his brother’s vibrancy. Gordon had flight control, gloved hands firmly on the yoke as though he was her designated pilot.  Alan had co-pilot, booted feet reaching the floor with little difficulty nowadays – he would out-grow Gordon soon – as he flicked switches in uncharacteristic silence.

Virgil was in the medbay, scanner clutched in his hands like a lifeline as it told him nothing that he wanted to hear, and many things that he didn’t.

Scott was in the medbay, doing nothing.

Danger dogged their steps with every rescue.  They knew that – had always known it, even before the Zero-X blew their father sky-high as he tried to save the world – but it never made it any easier when it got closer than normal.

As normal for them was less than a second’s escape – buildings collapsing the moment their trailing foot left the threshold, planes erupting into fireballs the instant they leapt clear – closer was barely possible.  Closer was a Thunderbird coming home with deep gouges.  Closer was broken bones and terrorised faces.

Closer was their eldest brother lying motionless in his ‘bird’s medbay because it had taken thirteen minutes to find him after the snow roared down.

Avalanches were a messy business.  Survival rates were low, some of the worst odds International Rescue ever faced, and there was no denying that their own past experience did nothing to help whenever John uttered the word in a brief.  This one shouldn’t have been too bad, as far as snow monsters went.  Out of season, with few people in the huts that dotted the lower reaches of the slopes and fewer still outside.  Ten people were reported missing.

They found nine, all fortunate and breathing, before the second one struck.

Alan had been in Thunderbird Two, holding her steady in the air because the large Thunderbird would have done more harm than good if she’d landed and providing a much-needed birds’ eye view of the danger zone.  It had been entirely due to the combined information from him and John that had let them find the nine lucky people so quickly.

Gordon had been on triage in the hut deemed safest in the event of a second avalanche.  Virgil had just reached him with rescuee number nine when it had struck.

Scott had been heading up the slope, travelling scant inches above the snow via jetpack, searching for person number ten.  One’s drones had been with him, scanning furiously even as John hijacked them to give Five even more data than the space station had already obtained from other means. Those same drones had given them a glimpse of blue, grey and white all jumbled together before going dark.

It took two minutes for Virgil and Gordon to force their way out of the semi-buried but still standing hut. One more for Alan to configure a pod and tentatively lower it from the module even as they realised their original one would take too long to excavate from the snow.  In those three minutes, John had triangulated all the data he could amass from Five to provide the most viable search area.

Five minutes to find a body, cold to the touch.  Rescue number ten had never stood a chance.  Face down and neck broken, he would have been killed almost instantly during the original avalanche.

Fifteen minutes was the time limit.  Nine people had already defied it, surviving anything between half an hour and an hour under the snow before International Rescue reached the scene and dug them out. The Tracy family never had that much luck, and an avalanche was their own personal hell.  They knew, in that cold-fist-closing-around-their-hearts way, that Scott would not be number ten.

Twelve minutes and the pod’s heat sensors showed yellow-green in a sea of blue.

Thirteen minutes and their eyes showed them blue in a sea of white.

Scott had been wearing his helmet when the avalanche struck.  As Virgil knelt to ease his limp, cold, but breathing body from the frigid prison, he’d thanked their parents for that fact silently but profusely.  Still intact, the helmet had stopped snow clogging his airways, and had enough of an air supply to stop Scott from suffocating to death in the thirteen torturously long minutes it had taken them to find him.

In the medbay, scan finished, Virgil finally removed the life-saving gear.  The detached feedback from the scan told him as much, but he sighed resignedly when there was no response.  Scott didn’t gasp dramatically as his recycled air supply was replaced with the real deal, nor did lightly closed eyes snap open.

“How is he?” John asked unnecessarily as Virgil’s hand lingered under brown hair longer than strictly necessary after lowering the now helmetless head back down onto the stretcher.

“Cold.”  Virgil humoured him, knowing full well that John had been desperately analysing the results of the scan as they occurred. Their suits were well designed for the varied environments they found themselves in, and while Scott had shown up far, far too cold in their initial search for him, as soon as they’d got him into the security of Thunderbird Two the hint of a shiver had taken hold and Gordon had encouraged it with a single blanket.

Scott’s uniform was somewhere in the middle as far as easy to remove International Rescue uniforms went. While Gordon and John’s specialist environments necessitated almost vacuum-tight uniforms, and Virgil and Alan had heavy-duty but therefore less clingy attire, Scott wore a streamlined flight suit that didn’t adhere precisely to his body but wasn’t exactly loose either.  Still, the zip tugged down easily enough and Virgil manipulated his rag doll of an eldest brother out of the tough material delicately before clearing away any leftover snow trying to chill him further and cradling him in blankets.

John watched in an agitated silence, the distance between their physical bodies never so apparent as when one of them was hurt and he was twenty two and a half thousand miles away. Sooner rather than later, Virgil knew the space elevator would be docking at Tracy Island, but before John could leave Five he needed to get One nestled back safely in her hanger.

The Thunderbird had escaped the avalanche by never landing, set to an autopilot hover by Scott upon his arrival to the danger zone because despite being smaller than Two, her VTOL posed just as much of a risk to the stability of the snow.  With Gordon at the helm of Two, and a universal desire for the whole family to be together landing Alan in the co-pilot seat rather than their brother’s Thunderbird, it was up to John to remote pilot her home.

Hypothermia was not the only issue Scott had been hit with by the avalanche.  None of them had done the exact calculations – John might have done, but if he had he hadn’t shared them – but Scott had been swept a fair distance by the sheer might of the snow and the journey had been far from smooth. Something had knocked him out in the tumble – what, Virgil couldn’t begin to decipher – and while his ribs were miraculously okay, thanks to the support of his flight suit, his left arm was bent awkwardly.  Already, beneath the blankets, his skin was blossoming in the reds and purples of early bruising.

“Any change?” Alan asked, his hologram flickering into existence beside John’s.  Gordon was just visible at the edge of the projection.

“He’s warming up,” Virgil assured them, eyes never leaving his eldest brother as shivers slowly intensified.  “No sign of consciousness, though.”  He leant forwards, running his hands gently through gelled hair.  The scan didn’t indicate a concussion to accompany the rest of Scott’s injuries, but with no evidence for why he was remaining unconscious barring the hypothermia itself, Virgil needed a more hands’ on check to reassure himself that there would be no further complications.

“We’re almost home,” Gordon chipped in.  “Make sure you’re both ready for the landing.”

“F.A.B.”

Securing Scott was easy, straps looping over him and cinching tight but not too tight against the stretcher.  The temptation to stay standing beside him, watching like a hawk for any sign of change – good or otherwise – was strong, but John made a small noise in the back of his throat and Virgil forced himself to take the two paces away from the stretcher and collapse into a fold-out seat.

“Thunderbird One has landed,” the astronaut informed him, and Virgil managed something that was almost a smile.

“See you soon,” he said, and John returned the almost-smile before floating with purpose.  With the limitations of the holograms, it was difficult to tell where he was headed, but Virgil knew there was only one place John wanted to be.

Their landing was soft, softer than Gordon had ever managed before, and Virgil shot out of his chair and back to Scott’s side as soon as he felt the wheels connect solidly with the runway. The touchdown had done nothing to disturb him, eyes still softly closed. His skin was pale, and the shivering was still gaining in intensity, but Scott’s face was as peaceful as Virgil had seen it since the Zero-X.

He pulled the scanner back out, running another one just for something to do as Gordon taxied them back into the hangar.  Scott’s temperature had risen marginally, still too cold but headed in the right direction.  He adjusted the blankets cocooning him as Thunderbird Two finished her rotation and the hydraulics either side of the module whirred into action, raising the body of the craft.

Someone had remembered to call ahead – a flash of guilt coursed through Virgil as he realised that should have been his job – because as the module door lowered, letting in the orange flickering light that indicated mechanical movement in the hangar, Grandma was standing there, arms crossed and finger tapping nervously. She didn’t wait for the door to finish lowering, jumping into the module as soon as she could and heading straight for them.

“What happened?” she asked, wrapping an arm around him firmly for a moment before taking the final step to Scott’s side and tutting at the results of the scan.

“Avalanche,” Virgil responded, even though he knew she knew.  Old hands that had yet to lose most of their dexterity pulled at the blankets, exposing Scott’s throat enough for her to press two fingers to his pulse. “Nine survivors, one fatality.”

“Broken arm and extensive bruising,” she mused, light fingers dancing over her eldest grandson’s body as she confirmed the scanner’s results for herself.  “His suit protected him from the worst of it.  Let’s get him inside.”  Virgil nodded, reaching out to activate the hover jets on the underside of the stretcher before releasing the clasps that held it to the wall.  Hurried footsteps indicated the arrival of his younger brothers, finished with their flight checks and anxious to see their eldest brother.

“Is he awake yet?” Alan asked, blue eyes filled with hope.  Virgil shook his head as Gordon placed a hand on the youngest’s shoulder.

“Your brother will be fine,” Grandma assured them all before he could find the words to explain Scott’s condition.  “A little battered and bruised, and rather cold, but some rest and home cooking will sort him right out, you’ll see.”

Gordon’s mutter that home cooking would do more harm than good wasn’t as quiet as he’d clearly intended, but Grandma ignored the slight as she put a firm hand on the hovering stretcher and started to guide it towards the house.  Virgil paused, checking his two younger brothers over thoroughly.  Alan was pale, shaken at the sight of Scott’s limp body, while Gordon headed over to the discarded uniform and picked it up.

“He’ll be alright,” he told them.  Both nodded sharply.  “John’s coming down; Alan, why don’t you go meet him?”

Neither asked why John was coming down if Scott was going to be fine.  It was a much appreciated fact that sometimes a hologram wasn’t enough for reassurance, and none of them would ever begrudge John the chance to be there in person.  Alan nodded again and left.

“I’ll clear up here,” Gordon said.  He was feeding the damp uniform through his hands, most likely unconsciously.  Damp, half-melted snow littered the module, and the remaining pod.  “Go help Grandma.”

Virgil didn’t protest, although he gave Gordon a final look over before turning to leave his ‘bird. They all needed to feel useful, finding something to do while they waited for Scott to wake up.  He would have cleaned his ‘bird himself, but Gordon’s order had been a hidden plea: I want you with Scott.

“I want her spotless,” he said instead, and Gordon laughed.

“Yes, yes,” he dismissed. “Now go help Grandma keep Scott in bed.” Because that was going to be the hardest task of all.  None of the Tracys made for a good patient, but Scott was the undisputed worst patient of all.  Alan and Gordon would try for subtle, the elder blond with more success, escape attempts made when they were left alone for too long.  John hid in Five, well-practiced in manipulating holograms to make him appear healthier than he actually was – although the arrival of EOS had put a stop to that particular trick.  It was the thing that had finally got her into Scott’s good books.  Virgil himself knew that he gave his brothers a little too much grief, largely because he knew how to treat his own ailments better than they did.

Scott didn’t bother with subtlety.  The moment their backs were turned, and sometimes not even then, he would be forcing himself up and out of bed, determined to carry on working no matter what. He’d never been a good patient, but it had only worsened since their Dad’s crash.  Knowing why didn’t make it any easier to deal with.

Not bothering to change out of his uniform, he ran after Grandma and the stretcher, catching up with them just outside the infirmary doors.  Scott was still unconscious, a fact that bothered him considering there was no sign of injury that would cause it, but it made transferring him from the stretcher to the soft bed far easier.  A pile of warm blankets were gently tucked around him, mindful of the broken arm.

As Grandma fussed with an IV line, more a precaution than a necessity, Virgil turned his attention to the limb.  It was a clean break, simple enough to reset and splint.  Scott let out a noise of complaint as the bones were dragged back into place, and both he and Grandma immediately looked at him.  Brow furrowed, hazed blue eyes flickered open.

“Scott?”

“Vrrgg?” his eldest brother slurred, eyes slowly focusing on him. “Whh..?”

“We’re home,” Virgil told him, resting a hand on the blankets over where Scott’s right shoulder was buried.  “The rescue’s over.”

Scott blinked at him slowly, the haze of confusion not quite leaving his eyes.

“Rsscu?”

“Let’s focus on getting you warmed up for now, Scott,” Grandma cut in, smoothing his hair back gently. She gestured sharply with her other hand – hidden from Scott’s view – to the reset arm.  Virgil took the hint, returning to strap it up, knowing that he’d need to mix up a proper cast for it if he wanted any chance of it healing properly with Scott’s reluctance to rest of any length of time.

“Buh-”

Scott’s protest was cut off by the door slamming open, the pitter-patter of Alan’s booted feet flying into the room.  Behind him, at a more sedate pace, John followed, turquoise eyes raking over the scene in front of him sharply.

“Is he awake?” Alan asked, skidding to a stop by the bed.  “Scott?”

“Ara?” Scott started. Virgil lunged up to stop him as he made his first attempt to get up.

“No, Scott,” he said firmly. “You’re still too cold.”  Scott didn’t fight him, a sign that he was still confused.  It didn’t go unnoticed by either Alan or John, the former losing his smile and the latter narrowing his eyes for a moment.

“Go get yourselves changed,” Grandma told them.  “He’ll still be here when you come back.”  Hoping she wasn’t including him in that order, Virgil busied himself with fussing over Scott, fixing the blankets he’d dislodged and hushing any attempts to ask about the rescue.

“It’s over,” he repeated as his two brothers left the room with orders from Grandma to also locate Gordon and make sure he got changed, too.  “Stay still.”

“Virgil,” Grandma warned, and his shoulder slumped.  “You too, young man.  You’re still wearing some of the snow.”

He hadn’t noticed, but when she mentioned it he realised that the creases of his uniform still carried damp white.

“I won’t be long,” he promised Scott, who looked at him with wide blue eyes.  They reminded Virgil of Alan.  Usually it was Alan who reminded him of Scott; he didn’t like it the other way around.  “I’ll bring you back a drink.  Think you can manage that?”

“Drrnk?”

Virgil sighed, and turned to Grandma.

“I’ll bring him something,” he told her and she nodded with a tired smile.

“You do that,” she said. “Now go get out of that wet uniform before you catch a chill, too!”

With a last look at his brother, still too pale but thankfully shivering properly at last, he forced himself to leave the room.

When it came to Grandma, there were fights that could not be won, and unspoken orders to be heeded nonetheless.  It was not as simple as tugging off his uniform, throwing on some casual clothes and running back into the infirmary with a warm, sugary drink in hand served with a straw to sip it with, so he begrudgingly threw himself under a hot shower, allowing his own body to warm up after too long in the snow himself, albeit not buried like his big brother.  Still, a shower did not have to be long to be effective, even if he would usually take the time to let his muses grow amongst the gentle hiss of pouring water, and within five minutes he was thoroughly warm and worming his way into clean clothes.  A quick blow with his hair dryer got the worst of the water out of his hair, but he forwent the gel to return it to its usual style.  Certain younger brothers might have a field day about his hair not being carefully sculpted, but a certain hypothermic older brother was worth a little bit of pride.

John had beaten him to the kitchen, a hot squash – blackcurrant and apple, from Scott’s personal stash – steaming on the counter.  Virgil glanced around the room to make sure nothing was broken.

“You haven’t taken it in?” he asked, wrapping a hand around the container.  It was almost hot to the touch.  John shrugged.

“I’d drop it,” he said, plucking a blue straw from the collection in the cupboard and neatly dropping it into the top of the cup.  Virgil couldn’t disagree with the possibility and scooped it up, straw bobbing in the dark liquid, before continuing on to the infirmary.

Alan and Gordon were there, both out of uniform as per Grandma’s orders, and trying to get a laugh out of Scott, if their antics were anything to go by.  Scott himself, Virgil was pleased to see, appeared less confused than when he’d left.

“I have a drink for you,” he announced, passing it to Grandma as he perched on the bed by Scott. “Think you can manage some sips?” Scott was still shivering but managed a grateful smile.

“Will i’ tas’e goo’?” he asked, still too cold to pronounce his words properly.  Virgil gently brought the head of the bed up slightly before propping Scott up in a more upright position with the use of many pillows. Gordon helpfully readjusted the blankets as Alan crawled onto the bottom of the bed.

“It’s from your own stash,” he promised, taking it back from Grandma and holding the straw to his lips. “John made it hot, so be careful.”

“’M alway’ ca’ful.” Scott mumbled the biggest lie Virgil had ever heard before accepting the straw and taking a sip.

“If you say so,” he said, wrapping an arm around his shoulders to help keep him in place as he drank.  He was still cool to the touch, despite the blankets wrapped around him firmly.

Scott hissed as the liquid entered his mouth, and Virgil tightened his grip even as he rolled his eyes.

“I warned you,” he said lightly, as John entered the room and perched on the end of the bed, watching Scott carefully.  Scott took another sip, more cautiously the second time.

...tbc one day..?

[altumvidetur]

Haikyuu!! Fic Recs (BokuAka)

Fic Recs Masterpost

So, I was thinking about the coronavirus pandemic and what I could do to help people out. I’m isolated because I’m at higher risk, so I can’t really offer to go out for my elderly neighbors or my family… but I thought I could try to help keep people entertained.

Because I don’t have an AO3 account right now, I’ve been compiling fic recs for my own amusement for a year or so. And I thought – maybe that’s the time to share these with everyone? So everyone will have plenty of things to read while they have to stay at home, or even to escape anxiety a little bit if you’re forced to go out.

Of course, these cater to my own tastes, so you may find stuff you don’t like around here. I never include works in progress. The Mature and Explicit works will be in italic. I ask you to READ THE WORK’S TAGS before continuing, so you won’t find anything that makes you uncomfortable.

I’ve decided to split it in a series of posts, starting with my OTPs. This time it’s BokuAka’s turn!

cookies and cream, by norio

Some people might tell Akaashi that he couldn't bake his worries away.

But some people haven't dated Bokuto Koutarou.

dozens of red roses, by norio

“And what’s the boyfriend getting for Bokuto’s birthday?” Kuroo asked, mirthful grin on his face.

“Oh,” Akaashi said, distracted by the magazine. “The next time he visits the dentist, I’ll pay for half what the insurance doesn’t cover.”

The silence dropped around the store like a chilling and killing frost.

i put my hand out, unfolded, into the sunlight, by carafin

In which Bokuto Kotarou is woefully inept at conveying his feelings, and Akaashi Keiji has a sort-of superpower. Sort of.

-

Next to him, Komi is chewing his cupcake dutifully, albeit with obvious effort. Washio has assumed a completely neutral expression on his face, although Akaashi thinks that his eyes might be watering. Sarukui, having seemingly demolished the entire thing out of sheer willpower alone, looks like he deeply regrets every single choice that has led to this precise moment in his life.

‘It isn’t too bad, huh?’ Bokuto says, grinning. ‘I made them in our school colours, so they’re like, marbled black and white chocolate swirls! Do you guys want more?’

Sarukui looks like he might pass out at the thought alone. Komi pauses mid-chew to shake his head weakly.

‘I’ll have more,’ Akaashi says, to the general astonishment of everyone.

better than spy films, by dalyeau

Akaashi knocks Bokuto out and Bokuto falls in love. Kuroo laughs about it.

Maybe We’re Airborne, Baby, by fathomfive

Realizing he's got it bad for his setter is the easy part. But getting his feelings across might be Bokuto's biggest endeavor yet, not counting his literature final or putting out the flames on that birthday cake he tried to bake for Akaashi last year, or—or a lot of things, actually.

But the point still stands. Reaching out to Akaashi is a leap in the dark, and Bokuto wants it more than he's ever wanted anything. He's an expert at seizing his perfect moment, at bringing victory home against the odds. So he's got this, right? It's gonna go great, right? Right?

(After all, it's what you attempt with your own two hands that matters.)

heavy heart, a love apart, by drifloon

(802): Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.

Character Development, by silvercistern

"That’s some kinda gratitude. What happened to my painfully polite little brother? I get the ideal guy to take you to prom, and you act like he's not even here!"

"I doubt I’d let him take me to the hospital if I were bleeding to death."

Keiji needs a date. Bokuto needs dating lessons. Nothing could possibly go wrong.

prepare for rain, by norio

“First you must make a delicious bowl of tea; lay the charcoal so the water boils; arrange the flowers as they are in the field; in the summer suggest coolness, in the winter, warmth; do everything ahead of time; prepare for rain; and give those with whom you find yourself every consideration.”

- Sen no Rikyu

cracks in the pavement will lead you home, by deusreks

Bokuto often thinks about Akaashi, especially when he’s running. It’s like his legs know where they’re supposed to take him. He grows into a habit of running a lot, just to keep that feeling going. Cracks and holes in the pavement aren’t fun to jump over if the final reward isn’t seeing Akaashi’s face.

An alternate universe with a little bit of magic and a lot of growing up.

il mio ragazzo falso, by Karasuno Volleygays

With his grandparents’ fiftieth wedding anniversary looming fast and large, Akaashi finds himself urged to bring a date and not quite to the point where his family knows that said date will not be of the female variety.

At some point, he has to decide which will be the least frightening prospect — braving coming out to his family or endure Operation: Find Keiji A Girlfriend 2k15.

And why is the only person he can think of to drag along to this thing his overly-spirited volleyball captain?

#someonepleasesaveakaashi

right in the head, by Mysecretfanmoments

That was the other thing: when Keiji had said he wanted to make his way home, Bokuto had agreed—as if it didn’t matter where they went. He hadn’t said "we should look for a community" or "there’s probably nothing there anymore".

He’d just asked which way.

((the bokuaka zombie au literally no one asked for))

how to become a birder, by norio

“Since I’m Bokuto,” Bokuto said, giving an unnecessarily meaningful look, “You know what I want, right? It’ll be easy! You take pictures of me, I turn them in, my professor says I’m the smartest genius, I graduate, I go play pro, I win the Olympics.”

The World’s Best Kept Secret, by kythen

The struggles of keeping a relationship a secret (when it really isn't a secret at all).

third wheel, by arsenicjay

"So you and Bokuto, huh?"

Akaashi's attention snaps back to Kuroo and he gives the other boy a blank stare. "What about us?"

Or, Kuroo figures out that Bokuto is interested in Akaashi long before Bokuto does himself and being the kind friend that he is, tries to help them along.

cherished, by gabstar

Bokuto tends to panic when Akaashi expresses discomfort or concern. Akaashi didn't need that. Akaashi was better off handling this alone.

((In which Bokuto's love sick, Akaashi's sick-sick, and together they feel a little better))

Kissing Ace, by Karasuno Volleygays

It happens right after training camp.

Akaashi Keiji has a secret he has guarded since he was a child. He won’t go so far as to call it a fear, but more of an aspect of himself of which he is horribly mortified. No one on the team knows about it, and Akaashi does his best to keep it that way. But years of dodging hugs and casual contact come to naught in the blink of an eye and the swipe of a hand.

legs killed the owl, by dalyeau

He's not smiling anymore an hour later, after he's fucked up four perfect spikes that Akaashi tossed carefully for him because he's too distracted by the lean, elegant line of Akaashi's legs, kneepads dark against the white of Fukurodani's gym.

tea-stained polaroids, by dalyeau

“I'm gonna date that,” Bokuto declares solemnly, and Kuroo throws a plastic spoon at his head. 

owls, by ThinkingCAPSLOCK

It was no secret that Bokuto genuinely loved owls, considering his locker was full of them, but Akaashi kept his own like of the animal very low key.

How Bokuto found out otherwise, he didn't know.

all lost souls, by norio

Not again, Akaashi thought. But he had never seen this sight before.

run rabbit run, by norio

Rule #1: Don't hurt Akaashi. Rule #2: Don't taint Akaashi. Rule #3: Don't involve Akaashi. Rule #4: Don't damage Akaashi. Rule #5 (optional): Try not to destroy yourself.

gwah, bam and swoosh, by dalyeau

When Bokuto meets Kageyama the first thing he thinks is, No five year old should be able to scowl like that.

Or be that tall.

Then, Shit, his dad is really hot.

Spoiled, by gabstar

Akaashi desperately needs a new mattress and he drags his loyal, loving, and very loud boyfriend with him.

omam verse, by shionsheart

Though some may believe they're monsters, those closest to them know they're just men learning how to love in this world of magic, demons, and faeries.

i’ll return home one day, by awkwardedgeworth

"Bro," He asks Kuroo out of the blue one day when they're toweling their hair dry, "What if Sawamura is halfway across the world and he only comes home seven times a year for around four days each?"

"I would consider every moment a blessing. You got it bad for Akaashi already?"

"I just wish you would introduce us sooner."

Or, wherein Akaashi is a world famous violinist, Kuroo introduces him to future Olympian-to-be Bokuto Koutarou. And Bokuto pines. A lot.

morning owls, by norio

Most of the time, if Bokuto woke up first, he would shake Akaashi awake. Sometimes he would bake sloppy pancakes for breakfast in bed, and sometimes he would sit on Akaashi's waist.

And sometimes he did not.

Insomniac Olympics, by Aetherdrive

Akaashi never thought he could inspire anyone, let alone an artist -- and then he met Bokuto.

counterclockwise, by miiniwa

How they had gone from point a to point b in such a short amount of time, he doesn't know. But as he dwells on it, he realizes that he doesn't exactly mind.

if kisses were fishes, then i’d be an ocean, by norio

Akaashi needs a fake date partner, so he grabs the first person he sees.

the way you look at me, by ThinkingCAPSLOCK

Bokuto sees him every day, every commute, at the final train. The stranger he only knows as Train Guy. Wrapped in coats, mystery, and distance - that is, until Bokuto breaks their familiar silence. He struggles with the hardest part of befriending someone he thinks he already knows: taking a step back to reevaluate all his assumptions.

He finds the easiest part is getting to learn about Train Guy all over again.

[cyberlifefortune]

Users Manual

Use Search Function and Key Words to skip portions and find what you’re looking for. 

Interaction Generalizations. 

     Just be nice. The meaner and more impatient you are, the less inclined I am to interact. It’s how to push me far, far, FAR away from you; I’m anxious, tired, old af and just here to relax.       Please don’t hesitate to DM or Inbox me, the WORST thing that could happen is I say no thank you right? Unless you’re being a dick and then the worst thing is I ignore and block. But I mean if you’re coming in prolapse first, I’m probably not going to give the time of day. So.... Be nice! 

I cut my lengths, usually by approx 2-4 posts depending how short/long our responses are. 

Responses/One Liners/ParaRP

     Please don’t hesitate to write as much as you feel appropriate. If you write a para novella response, I will do my best to give back what I have been given, but please don’t treat it like a high school essay (Don’t double space, HEADERize everything and then add a lot of cushioning words, or repeat yourself unnecessarily. I want to be able to respond to you too!). If you seem disinterested, please don’t suffer through a thread, I am happy to finish a thread if you feel that it is done and spent or have no muse for it. We can start another or plot or even just leave it there until we have the muse for their interactions again. 

    I personally prefer Para, or longer, but sometimes my time constraints only allow for so much and I will understand for yours as well. Don’t feel bad if I slam you with a paratellenovella in a six part series and you only put out a few paragraphs; sometimes it’s a lot of establishing and internalizing for characters that I enjoy exploring too! Don’t feel that you have to match letter counts or length. You write what you want and if we don’t feel it then there is no hard feelings.

Starters.

     If they’re tagged as an open thread, please feel free. If it’s open to mutuals only, please respect it. If you want to interact and you want something along that plot; Message me. You’ll be much better received this way than you will be if you insert yourself into threads not meant for you.      Closed starters are strictly meant for those my partner(s) and I have tagged. If we bring some one else in, it is not an invitation to slide in like a Stop Light Bar. 

Ask threads/Separated Open Starters

     If it’s a thread that you are continuing with me, please don’t hesitate to start a separate thread with it! I’ll appreciate it, and believe me, so will you; no dealing with other threads that might stem from it, no dealing with the likes of acknowledgement from the rest of the rp community, and a much neater, easier to use posting format. 

     Are you posting an open starter? ahhh.... I might... have to message you. I’m quite anxious that people are overwhelmed with threads so I will likely message you regarding it first. If you are overwhelmed, tell me. I do not take offense. We can plot when you have time and if you feel it. I promise I’m not ignoring your starters; I’m just very anxious. If there is something that you would like to plot please just tag me randomly or DM me! I will do my best to reciprocate this as well! I just need time; I’m anxious and sometimes it counterbalances my meds and I’m more ‘FLEE�� than I am ‘BREATHE’. 

TRIGGERS/WARNINGS/READ MORES

     Triggers; I have none. I really dislike slamming a random thing into an established thread, but I’m not against it in most aspects. What do I mean by this? Please don’t have a cute thread going with me and then BAM CHAR A IS NOW RAGING ANGRY THAT CHAR B IS DOING THIS THING WE NEVER ESTABLISHED HAPPEN. Now if Char A is angry because Char B said something offensive (meant or not) and Char A lands a punch on B; then, Yes. I do not mind this. If you leave an action open, I will use my discretion whether or not it lands (Keep in mind I do love seeing how androids in distress will behave on any/given terms). If I leave an action open to your discretion of being hit or dodging, please do not JUST dodge it every time. I’m trying to give you the option of progressing a fight, not feed you pudding through a straw.       As far as violence, gore, etc; I do not mind it. If it gets too gory, we will use RMs or fade it. If it’s too kinky then I will tag and possibly read more it. It all depends on it’s severity and the warning. 

      Warnings for me are often forgotten; it’s not out of disrespect but because I DO forget. I have lots of things I need to study and RP wise, recalling a hundred and eighty four details is not exactly a priority. It’s not that you’re not important as a partner; it’s that I can fix it if you bring it up with me and we’re adults. I will do my best but please, understand, sometimes I need reminding. 

    Read mores I forget more often than not, if I use them at all. xkit has a blacklist function. Please use it as it’s more reliable than I am if sex/etc offends you (though if it does I’m not sure what is compelling you this far into my blog). If my partner uses/requests them, I can often remember since they will likely be using them as well, but if I’m using them for a sole reason of this trigger then I’ll likely forget. 

Late replies/Slow Replies/Ignored Replies

     As a general rule I will do my best to respond to threads as often as my time constraints give me, but that also relies on how me or Connor responds to the thread/the topic/muse.       Late replies will likely happen as I’m quite slow at times. If I respond to thread A three or four more times before I respond to thread B, it’s just because I feel thread A more. It doesn’t mean that I dislike our thread, it’s just based on what Connor is willing to do as a muse at that moment. If it feels like I’m ignoring your reply; has it been a few days? You can prod me if I’m responding regularly and come off like I’ve gotten through most of my threads, but if it’s been a week or two please prod me. I might not have seen it, or have forgotten about it. Do not, however, ask me why I respond to Thread C more than that thread, guilt me, try to manipulate me or get short with me. I’m here to have fun, not as a compulsive demand. I am a human just like you and sometimes life just happens to overwhelm me more often than you or the next person.  Thank you for understanding, though! 

Magic Anons/Topic Suggestions/Anon

     MA will be accepted most days, but please give me a time frame for it or I will assume it as three days MY time, or if it is something that I don’t see taking a significant amount of time X amount of hours that I’ll choose myself. IE MA!Connors a real boy.  No time? I’ll select for you. Connor as a real boy would be lovely, so I would likely suggest three days.  MA!Connor is stuck in his suit for a week! A week? That’s insanely long, I will take liberty and shorten the time to a few days, or I’ll just override it/ignore it.       Topic suggestions are adorable and sometimes quite interactive and fun! You get content you like, I get a topic to try with my partner(s) and every one wins! Maybe a few people don’t but that, again, is what xkit is for.       Anons will be interacted with as Civilians or generic Androids. Regularly visiting Anons will be named and respectively tagged to the best of my ability. Any anon hate, call out anons, gate keeper anons, fussing anons will be just ignored. No skin off my back, none off of Connors, and even less off of the rest of my follower base. If Anons are inboxing for critique or an opinion asked for- then I’m happy to respond or even read them, I may post them, I might not. It is all up to me. It’s my blog, my Connor and if you dislike him, why is you here? It’s not meant to sound rude, but there are many of us out there, find some one that makes you happy. 

Discord/IMs

Strictly for Mutuals or for those I would like to interact more with! If I’m actively giving it to you- I’m excited, please feel free to take it or don’t. If You want it, ask, but understand that I might decline or I may accept it. Please don’t pressure me. I would never pressure you. 

Duplicates

     Hello other Connors and RK800s alike! You’re welcome here. I’m not here to compete and monopolize; you will each have your own universe with CyberLifeFortune, unless you state with me otherwise. Your worlds will not cross with other RK800/Connors unless we establish. I welcome each of you!

Cross Overs

     Please yes! But please, lets figure it out first! Who has the master realm? Are we smashing them together? Making a whole new world? What are we doing, friendo? Lets talk! 

OCS

     Hello! It’s a hit or miss with me! I prefer fleshed out characters with their own sets of flaws, ups, downs, perfections and quirks.       Things that will quickly turn me off of a character, please respect that this is only personal preferences, are inserts, selfserts, Sues, confusing characters, drama/tragic types (IE whole family dead. Became a ninja, almost died of abuse, saved by a four legged fox with 72 tails that died shortly after training. Turns out they were kami status legend and this char is taking their place but no one believes in them so they are dying and doki doki club literature inspired their life).       Fun parody characters are well received too! Hi there Sumo Rpers, Super minor cameo androids and/or Officer Wilson (Sweet Cop saved on the rooftop in Mission one)

Shipping

     I do not do autoships unless we discuss it. I refuse to continue a thread in which some one is forcing a relationship or has inserted themselves into Connors life. He does not have children, he doesn’t have ‘file’ children (Like the child Cortana makes in Halo), Connor doesn’t have adopted children he doesn’t know about. If you want to autoship please talk to me. If you want it enough you’ll prod me! Think of it this way; we can scream about it together and yell about it as long as we want and then we totally get to do it if we’re both in agreement!

      I have no real preference to who/what Connor does. Likely if they exist in the game I’m down to ship them (this includes Rk900s, Gavins, Hanks, etc). I’m purely curious to see what this muse clicks with. I have every right to say no as much as you do. Keep in mind that unless we establish it I play him with his genitalia but he will not be a Traci type. He is and always will be RK800 model. 

     If you would like to write the raunchy; yes. If you’d like to fade to black; yes. Do you want them to be suggestive? Sure.  Kinks? Name it- I’ll try it. I refuse scat and vomit. Like. Hard nopes. Both make my skin crawl and I just get squeamish in those regards. You do you, but I would appreciate not those two please and thank you; much appreciated. 

[askanaroace]

[screenshots of a tumblr post: @multishipper-baby asked: Hey, I have a question! Can I identify as a bi aroace if I'm gray-romantic? I know it's still in the aro spectrum, but I don't want to make other aroaces uncomfortable and use a label that's not mine

/end ask

@biaroace answered:I’ll start off by saying that I cannot control what you or anyone else calls themselves. However, I will say that I personally wouldn’t be comfortable with someone aro/ace-spec [a-spec for short] using “bi aroace” for the sake of brevity alone (and this goes for any other flavor of oriented aroace). 

“Why? Ace-spec people call themselves ace all the time. How is this any different?” That’s because the dynamics of the ace community are very different: asexuals are prioritized within their own orientation. They don’t have to fight to be recognized within their own label. They don’t have to question whether a post employing the term “asexual” includes them or not. They aren’t hesitantly listed off fifth in a list of possible definitions at best and outright excluded at worst whenever someone asks “what’s an asexual?”. Rather, those were the plights of a-spec people. 

I believe that’s the very reason a-specs made their own terms, and adopted the terms of the dominant majority (aro/ace) as shorthand. It’s perfectly justifiable! It’s admirable, even! But to transfer this practice onto oriented aroace labels would be a grave mistake, because as of now, we hold nowhere near the influential power aces and aros hold within their own communities. If anything, it is a-specs who are prioritized over us. A-specs who are taken as being the more “acceptable” meaning of bi aroace (as opposed to us weird oriented aroace heathens with our ~non-romantic/sexual unspecified attraction~). A-specs who are the face of our very orientation despite employing it as a mere shorthand. You’re not sticking it to the big man by claiming “bi aroace” as an a-spec person. You’re repeating exactly what was done to you. In order to help us be rid of this dynamic, I encourage you to leave “bi aroace” to oriented aroaces and instead use the equally cool alternate shorthands provided by your very own aro/ace-spec communities. For instance, bi-grayro ace could act as a neat shorthand for you (plus it’s got the same amount of syllables!) :>

Finally, I’d like to thank you for having taken the time to send this message. Your mindfulness as an ally is greatly appreciated, and I hope my response cleared things up!!

/end answer

@babyferrettails reblogs with: Yes! I’m sick of people saying that someone who uses an “orientation+aroace” term to describe themselves are probably grayace or grayro. It completely undermines oriented aroaces which is unfortunately the norm in the community already. @biaroace I’m glad you took the time to type this up it explains it really well!

/end reblog

@aceexplorations reblogs with: So I️ understand where you peeps are coming from. I️ really do. But as someone who would like to identify as a lesbian aroace but can only get up the courage to identify as an aroace who desires a long term relationship but only with other women, I️ really don’t mind people who are aro/asespec identifying as a label-aroace.My reason is this: At the moment you never hear of ANYONE identifying as label-aroace and as a result anytime anyone does people, all people, question how that is possible. The more people use the label the faster others will get used to hearing it. And as long as people remember to include an explanation for how someone who is aroace and not aroacespec can be label-aroace I️ think getting people more familiar with the label can only help.Plus, I️ don’t believe in telling somebody how they should or should not identify. They should do whatever makes them feel the most comfortable.

/end caption]

Yeah... I'm actually incredibly uncomfortable with this push to limit who can identify how, especially in this context. I’m tagging @multishipper-baby to make sure he can see multiple perspectives on this, and thank you @aceexplorations for speaking up as well.

For one, the orientation+aroace format was something people were using before "oriented aroace" came about, and there are still people who identify this way who do not specifically identify as an oriented aroace. It'd be one thing if it was a natural progression of the term changing to mean something more specifically, but forcefully trying to push people out of a term that has been open to them before "oriented aroace" became a named, defined thing does not at all sit well with me.

For two, there are many reasons - all extremely valid - why some choose to verbally identify, identify only as, or in many cases shorten to aro/ace when they are aspec. For example, can be easier than getting into an even more detailed explanation and so plain exhaust them less. It could even mean that they feel more comfortable setting boundaries in not having to discuss personal matters that may make them uncomfortable. We've long been pushing that aromantic and asexual can absolutely be umbrella terms and that you don't have to identify as aspec or some certain aspec term if you don't want, aren't comfortable with, don't prefer, or are unsure where you otherwise stand. To limit that now after we've worked really hard to make these terms open and welcoming to folk who are constantly wondering if they belong... I can't tell you how many times I've seen demia folk asking if they're welcome in the community, and graya in particular was hit extremely violently by exclusionism (at one point, basically dying out as a known label and only recently being talked about again).

For three, it’s long been the tagline of the queer community (perhaps particularly for nonbinary and aspec people, but I am currently most involved in those communities) that labels are, first and foremost, for ourselves. Do we feel a connection to labeling a certain way, even if it’s merging or stringing together multiple terms? Does it help us communicate how we feel? Does it bring us a sense of relief to use the term? Then we should use it (excluding instances of cultural appropriation or other harmful actions)! I am not seeing a reason here why it harms either oriented aroaces or non-oriented aroace orientation+aroaces to both be using the format orientation+aroace.

Finally... I'm sorry, I'm just not at all understanding the point of limiting who can identify as an orientation+aroace. When we're creating strict and limiting turns, we have to ask ourselves: why? What purpose is this serving? Does it help more people than it hurts? Is it unnecessarily leaving people out/making people feel unwelcome and/or invalid?

Honestly, I understand the argument so little, I can’t even make a point against it, nor figure out what the heck question I should be asking. The aspec spectrums simply do not exist in some sort of hierarchy as you are implying. Some folk may have more visibility than others (due to the size of the community, how long they’ve been pushing for education - not due to a particular in community effort to maliciously destabilize ourselves), and it’s true that right now there’s a lot of valid discussions going on about how people need to be careful with their words (stop saying aromantic when you mean asexual), but nobody was gatekeeping orientation+aroace until these ideas on your blog started coming up.

I saw someone trying to argue that they wanted oriented aroace to have full ownership over orientation+aroace because they wanted it to be immediately clear to people that they were specifically aroace and not graya, to which, I’m sorry, but I have to call bullshit. Orientation labels honestly say very little about us and the true complexities of our feelings, and they work well that way!

For example, someone who identifies as bi may be someone: with a strong preference for one gender over another, someone who’s only attracted to a specific amount of genders, someone who’s attracted to multiple genders but may not even include one of the expected binary genders, someone with no discernable preference for one gender over another, someone who’s attracted to all genders but considers gender an important component of their attraction, etc. Someone saying they’re bi doesn’t tell you anything beyond the fact that they’re attracted to two or more genders!

Aro and ace have long been this way as well. Even aroace is as well! There are so many details and intricacies to our feelings, desires, repulsions, aversions, preferences, wants, etc. that no label could possibly encompass all important aspects of our identity! At some point, there’s gotta be a breakdown where we realize that labels are a quick summary of how we feel, not the end all, be all of who we are or how we’re allowed to feel.

Aspec people calling themselves aromantic, asexual, or aroace all know there is a tradeoff to not outright specifying the spectrum part of their identity, and they are making the choice for themselves that they are okay and comfortable with what that entails. It should not be up to us to try and shame them out of that. As aspec people, we are not taking anything from each other by using our own community’s terms!!! It’s a difficult amatonormative, sexnormative, heteronormative world we must navigate. Our terms and our community should make it easier for us to navigate these minefields, not create more minefields to trip each other up in.

I’d be completely fine if “oriented aroace” itself was a term to specifically be defined in a strict manner. I am not okay with the bold claims that oriented aroaces somehow own the pattern of merging together identity terms in non-standard ways to describe themselves, specifically owning oriented+aroace, of which I have an incredibly hard time believing they invented.

So far, I’m not seeing how it harms us to keep orientation+aroace something open. However, I am hearing from people who are hurt by trying to make it more exclusive.

[mythlived]

Odd numbers for Nikita!

❛  You gotta dig a little deeper ! 

Might be worth checking the tags on this one before reading through, just in case  !  Most of them are pretty harmless, but better safe than sorry. 

1. What does their bedroom look like  ?

Nikita, despite being the only of his team that doesn’t have to share a room with anyone else, has the room with the least personality. In fact, it doesn’t have much of anything in it aside from the bare essentials. He has an alarm clock, a few sets of season-appropriate bedding  (  his favorite set is the flannel that Marley made him get the winter that SCAR’s heat went out solely because it’s as warm as it is  ), a dresser, a mirror, and exactly one plant—a cactus that he almost let die twice before Marley finally taught him to take care of it and some other kinds of plants; it’s been with him for a long time. And aside from the basic necessities like toiletries and what not, that’s it. His walls are bare, he doesn’t have any pictures, nothing. He’s trying to make it very clear that he doesn’t plan to stay with SCAR after the mission to bring down Arsenal is all said and done, even if his team doesn’t know that. The only exception to his “Nothing Sentimental” rule is the single bookshelf that he uses half of the allotted space for books and half for gifts he gets from his team. 

Fun Fact: Nikita is the only one on his team that doesn’t have to share a room for three reasons. One is that he’s a team leader, the second is his claustrophobia. The dorms that SCAR requires they stay in aren’t small, per se. They have private bathrooms, washing and drying units, and small kitchenettes. But they’re essentially studios, so between the lack of windows in the SCAR dormitories and the generally cramped space when two or more people are living in the same one, it pushes the line a little bit since he’s already a particularly simple person when it comes to decor and belongings and having someone else’s cluttering up the space pushes him to just this side of uncomfortable. The third, and most important, is his ability. Nikita has a tendency to lose control of it while he’s sleeping. He’s woken himself up time and time again by accidentally hitting every nerve ending in his body because of a particularly vivid nightmare. It’s mostly because of that last one that he requested to be kept separate from his teammates when SCAR gave him the opportunity to pick them. 

3. Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do  ?  How often  ?

Nikita exercises religiously. On-mission he does what he can. For example, while gathering info on Rhys and Rasmus, he does things that won’t draw any attention to him, like running early in the morning and in the evenings when it’s cooler, push-ups, sit ups, etc. simpler things. Off-mission, he does a lot of sparring with his team. Typically, when off-mission his day consists of training sessions, sometimes with the whole team, but most often individual one-on-one sessions so he can cater to what each teammate needs to focus more time on or sparring sessions with the other team leaders  (  there are two  !  )  within SCAR. However, he does do days off, too. Even when not sparring, his team has set training schedules that Nikita has made for each of them that they adhere to, but he also strictly enforces rest days so his team doesn’t get overworked physically or mentally  (  though he has more control of the former than he does the latter, but he does what he can  ).  His own exercise schedule outside of sparring when off-mission consists largely of weight training since he does a fair bit of cardio while on-mission. 

5. Cleanliness habits  (  personal, workspace, etc.  )

Nikita is… sparse in all that he does. So while he’s doing something like cooking or knitting, he may have a messy little corner that he’s using, but as soon as he’s done, everything is put back in its proper place and left there until he needs it again. He doesn’t shuffle things from one place to another unnecessarily and he has a very specific shelf in his living space for things that he gets from the team  (  Marley and Roka are particularly consistent gift-givers  )  and even half of that is used for books, which he also doesn’t leave laying around, even when he’s in the process of reading one. He puts it right back on the shelf where he got it when he’s finished with it. This partially comes from not wanting anyone outside of his team that comes into his living space to get that little bit of insight into who he is outside of his professional persona. The less they know about him, he figures, the better. But, this translates into everything that he does. He’s like this with his desk, his kitchen, his laundry, his bathroom, his bedside table, his storage, everything. Anywhere he goes, he has the same habits, everything is neat, in its proper spot, and not being shuffled from one place to another. 

7. Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time

Nikita doesn’t like wasting time, at all. In fact, you’d be hard pressed to actually get him to waste time. However, Nikita is also one of those people that very rarely finds himself thinking something is a waste of time in the first place. Participating in the team’s shenanigans  ?  Movies nights with the team  ?  He’s learning about the team and about ever-evolving popular culture. Relaxing  ?  Physical and mental health are important to success both in and out of the workplace. Reading  ?  Popular culture, cultural differences, history, etc. he’s learning, which means it isn’t a waste of time. Honestly, you name it and he probably has a reason it isn’t a waste of time, especially if it’s something his teammates enjoy doing or something that he’s taken a liking to. 

9. Makeup  ?

Nikita doesn’t wear makeup on a regular basis, but he’ll wear it if a mission calls for it. He’s not overly fond of it, but he doesn’t have any kind of aversion to it—physical or otherwise—either. But he doesn’t have any knowledge about it aside from what he’s learned via his teammates, which turns out, is not a lot. Rila and Roka are the two most knowledgeable about it. 

11. Intellectual pursuits  ?

Nikita is particularly fond of intellectual pursuits because they keep him busy. He likes to have something he works on learning thoroughly while off-mission. Sometimes those intellectual pursuits are languages and sometimes they’re history from various places, math, coding, or anything else that piques his interest. Usually, it’s something that he can learn from his teammates and in the beginning it was always something he could learn from them. He used that as a way to learn more about them and how people interacted in an environment that didn’t require him to be hostile toward the individuals and groups around him. 

13. Sexual Orientation  ?  And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general  ?

Nikita is bisexual and demiromantic. His thoughts on sexual orientation in general aren’t super in-depth. He doesn’t care how other people live their lives as long as they aren’t hurting he or his team and that’s not something that could hurt anyone on principle. So he doesn’t care about anyone else’s orientations unless it directly effects him and, most often, it doesn’t. Plus, he figures that hating or spewing vitriol at someone for who they love is a cheap shot and makes you a shitty person—and that’s coming from him. However, he did witness Marley’s struggle with her romantic and sexual orientations and how she was reconciling that with her faith. Helping her through it had been just about beyond him, because it was very early on in their partnership  (  and very early on as far as his separation from Arsenal goes, as well  )  so he was at a loss on both her religion and any personal experience with romantic and sexual orientation. Luckily, it had been enough for him to sit and listen and peruse multiple pages from Google to help her along as best he could and that’s how he came to the conclusion that he did. 

15. Biggest and smallest short term goal  ?

His smallest short term goal goes back to his intellectual pursuits. Right now he’s trying to learn Spanish from Luca, even though it’s currently on-hold since they’re all on-mission. His biggest short term goal is to finish the current mission  (  whether that means Rasmus ends up dead or Pyrrha prevails, one or the other, he doesn’t care  )  and get on with the whole down-with-Arsenal shtick that SCAR has going. This, of course, leads into his long term goals, but that’s another post. 

17. Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress

Nikita’s actually really picky about his clothing, but more the material than the style. He doesn’t like materials that are even slightly itchy, too hot, or rough. He’s particular about it because sometimes his ability makes his nerves jump when he wears something uncomfortable. It’s a lot of casual clothing, like t-shirts, jeans, nice jackets, etc. When off-mission, it’s a lot of active-wear since he spends about seventy percent of his day exercising and just can’t be bothered to change until he showers. Otherwise its lounge wear because he can. He literally goes to meetings with the other team leaders and higher-ups in his pajamas sometimes, his etiquette is atrocious. But he produces results—good ones—so they don’t say much about it. As far as rituals surrounding dress go, he doesn’t have any conscious rituals surrounding it, but he has found that he has the overwhelming habit of putting his left sock on before his right one and now that he’s aware of it he’s paranoid that if he stops doing that it’ll be bad luck or something like that. This thought is courtesy of Iris, who actually noticed the habit first after their sparring sessions. 

19. What do they think about before falling asleep at night  ?

Nikita does his level best not to think a single thing while he’s trying to fall asleep, but fails miserably every time unless he’s completely exhausted. This often leads to a fairly wide variety of things he thinks before he falls asleep. Sometimes he’ll recite language vocabulary in his head if he’s having a particularly bad day and doesn’t trust letting his thoughts wander. Other times he’ll think through what he can do for his teammates to make their training schedules better for each of them to avoid unnecessary fatigue or adverse physical reactions  (  like how to keep Iris from overworking himself or what’s best to do for Rila’s asthma  !  )  while they work to keep themselves fit physically and mentally. On especially rare nights when he’s feeling relaxed and, for the most part, fine, he lets his thoughts wander a little more. It’s nights like these where he ponders where he’s at now, emotionally, socially, mentally, even physically. However, if they start to wander in a direction he doesn’t like, such as where he’s been in his life before, he traps them back into those routine thought processes, whether they be vocabulary, training itineraries, mission prep, or even just going through recipes he’s memorized. 

21. Turn-ons  ?  Turn-offs  ?

Nikita’s general turn-ons and turn-offs that more or less decide if he likes someone are pretty typical. If he’s comfortable around them or they don’t care to put up with his incredible awkwardness at first and they just don’t give off a bad vibe, they’re essentially okay in his book, whoever they may be. 

As far as physical turn-ons and turn-offs go, Nikita’s scarcely had the time or the trust in someone to actually figure those things out. He knows that he doesn’t like anything that causes unnecessary pain, because that’s liable to set off his ability with the already overwhelming emotion that typically comes with being at all physical with someone. Nikita’s had one night stands, but they’ve hardly ever been anything more than something he’s essentially forgotten afterward, whether it be mission-related  (  this is not a topic easily broached with Nikita, because SCAR has made some pretty shady decisions on this that have affected one of his teammates  )  or otherwise. 

Overall, Nikita doesn’t really know specifics of physical turn-ons and turn-offs because most often he’s had other things to worry about in place of figuring those things out. 

23. How organized are they  ?  How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life  ?

As mentioned earlier, Nikita’s very particular about how everything is organized and kept, at least in his own personal space. Which means he’s very good at keeping things organized, regardless of what it is. As far as how it translates into his everyday life, it’s in small gestures like putting the salt or pepper back where it goes in a restaurant, exactly as it was found or moving a package of pens back to its proper spot in a department store. Those little things are subconscious tics that some of his teammates find enduring, partially because he actually gets mildly irritated over it when people don’t put things back in department stores, despite him never having worked retail. He does not, however, get mildly irritated if the salt or pepper in a restaurant somehow doesn’t end up back where it’s supposed to go. And it isn’t just those things, but those are two pretty common examples. It also manifests when they find themselves having to stay in hotel rooms rather than safe houses, in loaned vehicles, etc. because out of the entire eight person team, Nikita and Luca are apparently the only two that can actually keep up with the proper documentation for both of those things and when Luca is stretched thin trying to keep up with the literal children on the team  (  Iris, Marley, Kári, and Rila  ), Nikita’s the last line of defense for receipts, room cards, cash, keys, and other things of that nature. He hasn’t failed them yet. 

25. How do they see themselves 5 years from today  ?

If all goes well, Nikita sees himself not having to worry about Arsenal or SCAR, because as indebted as he feels to the latter organization, his skepticism about what they’re doing is second to no other. Maybe it’s because of the way he grew up or the way they approached his “reintegration into society”  (  as if he doesn’t work for yet another secret organization  ),  but he doesn’t trust them any farther than he can throw them. His team he trusts, but they were all hand-picked and are people he spends enough time with to know they’re trustworthy.  (  Even if he thinks Luca is plotting the whole team’s demise, that’s separate from SCAR, his own coup d’état.  )  But ultimately he’d like to branch out away from SCAR, even if he knows that fitting into any other little niche in the world is going to be overwhelmingly difficult. Now, whether that happens in five years or not is the big question. 

27. What is their biggest regret  ?

Nikita will, for all intents and purposes, always state that he doesn’t regret anything because regret is a useless emotion. This, however, is not entirely the case. The one thing that Nikita regrets and regrets more each day that he thinks about it is never having gotten to know his little sister and little brother and never planning to. That he has to keep up with them in other ways, just to make sure that his parents really are raising them well and not treating them harshly or forcing them into something they don’t want, puts Nikita the closest he’s ever been to heartbreak since his parents essentially sold him to Arsenal. But if they’re happy and as far away from his world as they can possibly get, then he’s fine. He can handle the regret and the heartache that comes with that, as long as they’re healthy and not in danger. And because of that latter part, he’s very discrete about his siblings and his own minor involvement in their lives. His team doesn’t know and he’d be hard pressed to actually mention them to anyone unless it was absolutely necessary. 

29. Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster  (  eg. The house is on fire  !  What do they do  ?  )

Nikita hopes to literally all that is holy that SCAR never ends up on fire, because he doesn’t trust the entire building and the surrounding area not to explode if it does. Not that he’d tell anyone, but the thought of it actually causes a fair bit of foreboding within him. But his actual reaction to something like that would be far more understated than that. He’d probably panic the least out of everyone he knows at SCAR, whether it be his team or the other two. While he’d be fairly disappointed over the fact that he’s lost all the gifts his team has gotten him, his books, and bedding, he’d just be glad no one is dead. He’s come to expect the worst out of things like that, which is a leftover reaction from his time at Arsenal, when extrapersonal and intrapersonal disasters were never accidents, no matter how much it was drilled into their heads that they were. But ultimately, in comparison to the rest of his team at least, Nikita’s reaction would be very mild. He’d be inconvenienced, but that’s about the extent of it. 

31. Most prized possession  ?

His cactus and his flannel sheets. Also any of the gifts his team gives him. He’d sooner keel over than tell them how much they mean to him, but they do mean a lot and he occasionally just has to look at them and wonder if any of it is real, because a few years ago he would have either ignored or attacked the nervous system of whoever told him something like this would eventually be his present. 

33. Concept of home and family  ?

Nikita’s concept of home and family, for a long time, was skewed at best, because his own blood related family were the people who sold him away to the abuse and experimentation. He thought, for a long time, that perhaps family was an inherently bad thing. Especially seeing people like Rasmus, whose parents were the proprietors of the whole operation, and others that had been in a situation similar to his own—or that he figured had been since the vast majority of them didn’t remember anything about their families. There were so many of them that had been abandoned by their families and then Rasmus was essentially the icing on the cake for his “family is bad” theory. His thoughts on home were much the same. Arsenal was “home” and the very last place he wanted to be. However, his perspective on home and family, though it took a long time and is still evolving at this point, shifted a lot after his team was established and he started to get more comfortable around them. Nikita’s concept of home and family, now, consists overwhelmingly of his team. It’s a general, very vague concept, but he’s grasped the understanding that family and home really isn’t who you’re born to or where, but rather the people and places you grow to care for. That said, he hasn’t yet reconciled his concept of home and family with his eventual goal of leaving SCAR. Though he likes to plan, this is the one time he supposes he’ll jump that hurtle when it gets here and hope it doesn’t trip him up. 

35. What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time  ?

As I mentioned earlier, Nikita doesn’t like wasting time and at this point, anything he does enjoy, he doesn’t consider a waste of time. He subconsciously finds a way to make it meaningful, so anything he does consider a waste of time he just does not enjoy and absolutely will not do it. He somehow even manages to make himself feel like paperwork for SCAR isn’t a waste of time. It’s the only reason he can ever actually get it done; he doesn’t enjoy it but has to do it, so it better not be a waste of time. His reasoning is getting more and more desperate with every new bout of paperwork after a mission. Luca is continuously amused by Nikita’s private pep-talks every time they start filling everything out. 

37. Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making  ?

Nikita is hands down more analytical. He very rarely makes an emotional decision. In fact, his emotional decisions are reserved for his minor major worries about Iris, Rila, Marley, and Roka, and his siblings. Nikita is glad that his emotional state is far more evened out than it was in his past, but he still doesn’t quite trust himself to make decisions that are emotionally charged. Not only that, but if he started making emotionally charged decisions, that would mean he was emotional on-mission. Given his spotty control of his ability—even if it was much better than it was when he’d been extracted from Arsenal—that could be an incredibly bad thing. 

39. What recharges them when they’re feeling drained  ?

Nikita recharges himself by the sheer force of his will most days. If he didn’t, he would feel drained constantly and neither he nor his team can really afford that. He does his best to find other ways to recharge, like knitting with Marley, working through whatever his chosen project is for the time, napping, or doing something that requires minimal movement, but Marley is particularly high energy, his projects take effort to actually learn, he can seldom make himself nap, and just sitting around doing nothing is one of the rare things that falls on his “waste of time” list. So the only thing left is to will himself to recharge. Which, sounds entirely implausible, but he tells himself it works, at least. 

41. How misanthropic are they  ?

Nikita actually isn’t all that misanthropic. Despite how he might come off, he really doesn’t mind people all that much. In fact, he’s very keen on some people and genuinely enjoys socializing when he finds a kindred spirit of sorts. He’s shameless and often fifty layers of awkward before he ever actually relaxes around someone, but he really is the kind of person that leans more toward being fond of humanity as a whole than he is someone who thinks they’re all bad just because of his life up to this point. As long as there’s growth and change, he figures things aren’t too bad, even if it’s hard fought. He is, however, realistic and doesn’t think everything and everyone is sunshine and daisies. In fact, it’s the opposite. But, that he was given the chance to grow and change. . . well, he figures if he can do it, other people can too. 

43. How far did they get in formal education  ?  What are their views on formal education vs self-education  ?

The formal education question is tricky, because it was definitely a formal education, but it was all catered to Arsenal’s standards. He has a high school diploma and a college degree that would, technically, stand if under scrutiny because they were issued by an accredited university of sorts. However, he stands by the fact that he can’t really have an opinion on traditional formal education given his was anything but. His opinion on his own formal education, though, is exactly the same as his opinion on Arsenal as a whole. He doesn’t trust much of it, so his self-education has been important and extensive in the last five years. He’s found that he has far more practical knowledge now than he did before. Which, of course, comes from actually traversing outside of the walls of SCAR. 

45. Superstitions or views on the occult  ?

Nikita doesn’t think a lot one way or the other about the occult. He’s a walking science experiment, so the thought that ghosts and magic and the like might be real honestly isn’t that weird to him. That said, he’s a “believe it when you see it” kind of person, on principle. 

47. If they were to fall in love, who  (  or what  )  is their ideal  ?

The thought of falling in love is very seldom something that Nikita entertains. Not necessarily because he’s too busy for that sort of thing  (  even though he is  )  but because he’s absolutely certain he would put someone in danger. Not to mention he’s never harbored feelings like that before, so he doesn’t see why he should start now, though he also doesn’t think he’d be incapable of feeling that way toward someone  (  perhaps he’s more optimistic on that count  )  if it came down to it. It would certainly take a lot of trust in both that person and himself. Trust in the latter that, currently, he just doesn’t have. Even if he did find that he had fallen for someone, he’s far too volatile emotionally and ability-wise to truly offer them anything that might be remotely acceptable. And, if he were to fall in love, it would have to be with someone that he’s willing to drop every wall to and someone like that would be remarkable, as far as he’s concerned, which would mean they would deserve nothing less than the best; something that he can’t—and perhaps will never be able to—give them. 

49. If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like  ?

Nikita’s fighting style is fairly flexible based on his opponent. Most often he’ll decide how to fight based on the person he’s sparring with. For example, he’s a little more ruthless, quicker, and less likely to leave himself open even while on the offensive when he’s sparring with, say, Marley, Kári, or Luca. When it comes to sparring with Iris and Rila, he slows things down a little more and is apt to leave himself open for a variety of reasons, whether it be to lure their hits or to offer them the opportunity to learn the best way to go about attacking him in those open spots. When it comes to Asanka, Nikita uses more brute force than he does anything else. Then there’s Roka, the pacifist of the group but also the quickest and most cunning of the lot, who Nikita chooses to spar with defensively lest he take another bruising shot to the ribs. Nikita’s fighting style is, purposefully, catered to teach. That’s his top priority when it comes to being able to fight, but he does have a default that he falls back on if the need or him to fight someone outside of sparring sessions ever arises. It’s not nearly as clean-cut or fair as the fighting styles he uses with his team, though. 

[gotta-love-them-losers]

Chapters: 4/? Fandom: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed Characters: Upgraded Connor | RK900, Gavin Reed, Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Jeffrey Fowler, Tina Chen, Chris Miller (Detroit: Become Human), Hank Anderson Additional Tags: Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), few months post canon, Connor activates RK900, super tropey self indulgent partners fic, I had to do it, Accidentally Sarcastic Upgraded Connor | RK900, Accidentally Gay Upgraded Connor | RK900, Crime Scene, like a little bit, cursing, Gavin has secrets, mentions of arousal, is there a plot or is it just bonding Summary:

RK900 is activated by Connor because Cyberlife threatened to mass activate any RK models under their control. Needless to say, he was a little rushed, so there isn't anywhere for RK900 to go. Connor takes him in, and RK900 decides he wants to work at the DPD. He meets Gavin Reed, a mess of a human, and discovers surprising things about himself.

Updates delayed for medical hiatus

Chapter 4

Gavin yawned, ambling through the bullpen. He noticed Nick’s bland gaze and saluted lazily. “Morning, Robocop.”

Nick greeted Gavin with a frown. “Detective, you’re later than usual.”

“Wow, you really are a detective model,” Gavin sneered, sitting heavily at his desk.

Nick stared blankly at him, LED spinning yellow. “I’m slowly developing my social relations program. I am unsure if that was sarcasm, or if you truly were unaware of my designation.”

Gavin rolled his eyes. “No, I thought you were a coffee maker.”

“If that were the case, I would have made you coffee already.”

“Oh, yeah? And how is getting rid of Connor going for you?”

Nick’s LED flashed red, and Gavin nearly missed it. “I am not required to disclose information on my primary objective.”

Gavin narrowed his eyes, feeling his curiosity getting the better of him. “Why not, aren’t I your superior officer?”

“Yes, but Cyberlife has seniority over you.”

“You still take orders from them? Aren’t they, like, out of business?”

Nick was quiet, looking it up. “I am not authorized to access that information.”

Gavin cackled. “You, Cyberlife’s pet project, don’t have access to that?”

“No, but Connor is working directly with Markus and Cyberlife. He could answer your questions.”

“No thanks. I’d rather bother you about it.”

“Sorry, Detective, but you cannot bother me.”

Gavin hooked his arm over the back of his chair and sprawled in his chair, grinning lazily at Nick. “You sure about that?”

Nick stared at him for a total of three silent seconds before standing unexpectedly, dismissing error alerts and a temperature warning. He would deny filing that image away somewhere special if Connor found it. “Excuse me, Detective, I need to speak with Connor about one of our cases.”

Gavin watched Nick bustle off to Connor’s desk, grin fading. Nick and Connor spoke quietly together, and Connor had that stupid, weird grin spreading on his face. He couldn’t see Nick’s face from where he sat, but he imagined the blank frown that was probably there. Or maybe it was the same awkward smile Connor still used for Gavin most of the time. He looked away, realizing he was staring for too long, and feigned indifference long enough to sip from his cup. Glancing back, he accidentally met Connor’s gaze. Connor raised a brow at him, and Gavin noticed Nick had his attention on Chris. With a challenging raise of both of his brows, Connor flicked his eyes towards Nick and back.

Gavin didn’t like that at all. So he flicked Connor off and faced his terminal.

“Detective,” Connor said with false friendliness.

“Jesus,” Gavin hissed, jumping in his seat, “What the fuck do you want? Did Robocop tattle on me or something?”

“No, I just thought I’d have a little chat with you.” Connor smiled, surprisingly genuine, and Gavin frowned suspiciously. “You’ve been less terrible than I thought you would be.”

Gavin gritted his teeth and glared at his terminal. “I feel a but coming,” he ground out.

Connor’s short-lived smile turned sharp, and his eyes went cold and unblinking. Gavin met the look with his glare. “But, if you continue being unnecessarily cold to my friend, when I know it’s not genuine, then I will find a way to make you regret it.”

Leaning toward him, Gavin squared his shoulders despite the cold creeping up his spine. He bared his teeth in an angry sneer. “Get fucked, tin can.”

Pressing his hand softly on Gavin’s desk, Connor leaned slowly over Gavin with a false air of calm. He spoke quietly, just for Gavin, “I won’t repeat myself.” He glanced up and down Gavin’s body, scanning him boredly. “Try not to be so riled up by my threats.”

“Fuck you,” Gavin growled, shoulders bunching up.

Connor hummed, considering. “No thanks.”

And he was abruptly gone, walking away like they’d just been discussing a case. Gavin’s fists clenched painfully in his lap, and he took a ragged, calming breath. Another set of steps tapped toward him, and he knew it was Nick.

“Detective?” He asked, sounding so different than Connor despite having the same voice.

Gavin forced his shoulders to relax. “What?”

Nick set a file down onto Gavin’s desk. “Are you alright?”

A flash of anger flew through him, and he stood. “I’m fine,” he bit out, brushing passed Nick.

Nick’s brows furrowed, and he watched Gavin storm away. His stress levels were significantly higher than they had been just a few minutes ago. A tentative stability error pinged through him, and he felt distracted as he sat at his desk. Only a third of his processing power was kept on the case pulled up on his terminal. It was especially difficult to concentrate when Gavin returned to his desk. He kept thinking of Gavin sitting back contentedly in his chair, grin smug and sharp. He must be malfunctioning.

Nick no longer counted on one hand the amount of times his software had malfunctioned. When he’d first been activated, he assumed he would seldom require stasis. He regularly did so now to sort and repair the unstable software errors constantly coursing through him. It was exhilarating to study, but it was incredibly distracting. He wasn’t a fan of that.

Now he was accumulating even more errors because of Hank.

Connor invited him to dinner at Hank’s house. Hank showed him how to chop things as Connor dutifully watched. Hank banned him to the kitchen table after he bent the knife. Twice. Nick’s machine nature, however, meant he followed direction easily, and he wasn’t likely to destroy kitchen equipment. At least, that was the case until Hank moved behind him, brushing against his back, and laid his hand over Nick’s to help demonstrate. Freezing throughout his entire being, Nick zeroed in on that hand. With a jolt, he realized Hank’s other hand was on his shoulder. And the most state of the art android so far fumbled with the knife. It was actually impressive, Nick would later think, as he managed to nearly stab himself. He stared flatly at the knife clattering at his feet.

“Holy shit, Nine, are you okay?” Hank spun Nick around and ran his hands up and down his front, checking for injuries.

Nick remained silent as he watched the hands intensely, knowing his LED flickered between red and yellow. One of Hank’s hands pressed against the new slice in Nick’s shirt, hitting the skin beneath it. Nick added another tick to his list of software malfunctions.

“Christ, you’re lucky you didn’t cut yourself,” Hank mumbled.

“Hank,” Connor murmured with thinly veiled amusement, “Nick’s a little overwhelmed.”

Hank glanced over to Connor with a confused look. He met Nick’s blank eyes, and a lightbulb went off, eyebrows rising. Stepping back, he grinned apologetically. “Right, ‘distracting.’ I’ll grab you a new shirt.”

Nick’s processors grinded back into place, and he blinked down at the hole in his shirt. “Unfortunate.”

“Nick?” Connor was beside him, offering his hand with the skin receding. Reaching out, Nick accepted the interface. A fleeting concern was chased by surprise. Connor jolted at the intense wash of ‘errors’ over their connection and grinned. He softly cut off the interface as Hank came back into the room.

You have a crush.

“Here you go.” Hank offered a horribly patterned shirt with a grin. “It’s my ugliest one, so don’t stab a hole in it.”

“Thank you, Hank.” I think you’re projecting.

Connor leaned against the counter. “I can fix your shirt tomorrow.” I won’t tell him if you won’t.

“Thank you.” There’s nothing to tell.

Of course not. I didn’t have access to your feelings or anything.

Nick left to the bathroom, hearing Hank prepping dinner and Connor making himself a pest. I don’t have feelings, Connor.

Connor ended their connection with a grin Nick felt.

“What the fuck are you wearing?” Gavin wheezed after choking on his coffee. He knew what Nick was wearing. He’d seen Hank wear it before, but, dammit, Hank didn’t look half as good as Nick did in that shirt.

Nick narrowed his eyes in confusion before realizing what Gavin meant. “Lieutenant Anderson let me borrow this shirt after mine was damaged.”

Gavin caught his breath, face reddening. “Fuck, it’s atrocious.” He gawked at Nick’s exposed neck and collarbones.

Nick opened his mouth to mention how his body’s reaction said otherwise, but the order he’d given Nick flashed expectantly. “This is efficient, and I enjoy wearing the Lieutenant’s clothes.”

“Uh-huh.” Gavin looked at Nick in a way he couldn’t place. It was a cross of disbelief and suspicion. “Are you two, you know?”

Nick tilted his head. “Are we what?”

“Never mind,” Gavin mumbled, slouching back in his seat. It wasn’t his business, and he actually didn’t want to know. He really, really didn’t want to know.

“Oh, you’re asking if we are romantically or sexually involved.”

Gavin groaned. “I said never mind!”

“I am not engaged in either of those types of relationships, much like yourself.”

Gavin made a flustered, spluttering sound. “Fuck you,” he said with a surprised laugh.

Nick sat at his desk, staring at Gavin’s empty chair. Gavin had trudged to the break room a few minutes ago, and it was obvious even to a human that he was exhausted. He barely insulted Nick before attempting to work, and Nick hastily scanned him that morning. Gavin’s stress levels were higher than was standard for humans. He would snap or crash at this rate, and Nick wanted neither to happen to his partner. He perked up at the sight of Connor arriving at his desk.

“Good morning, Connor,” Nick greeted, making his way towards him, “How was your night?”

Connor smiled sheepishly as he took off his uniform jacket and sat. “It was nice. Markus, North, and I had a relaxing time.”

“Good, you’ve been stressed.” Nick leaned on Connor’s desk. “May I ask for advice on a personal matter, Connor?”

“Of course.”

“Detective Reed has constant high levels of stress that sometimes interfere with work. How should I go about navigating such a situation?”

“Talking is the most effective way to destress, but I doubt Detective Reed is the kind of guy who talks about his feelings.” Connor leaned back and thought. “Inviting him out to do something could be a good distraction.”

Nick nodded. “Do you have any ideas on what activities the detective would enjoy?”

Connor looked puzzled. “I don’t know much about him, but Officer Chen or Officer Miller may be able to help.”

“Of course, they are closer to him than I am. Thank you, Connor.”

Connor grinned. “No problem, Nick.”

Nick chose to ask Officer Chen for help. Her shift started soon, and he didn’t want to wait until tomorrow to speak with Officer Miller. He waited shortly for her to arrive, and she went into the break room once she did. It was the best opportunity to speak freely with her. Nick entered the room, and Gavin lumbered passed him on his way out, oblivious to his presence. Nick found Chen at a table with a coffee.

“Officer Chen, may I ask for your help?”

Chen looked up from her phone with a brow raised. “Uh, sure, Nick. What’s up?”

Nick leaned against the table across from her. “Detective Reed has been having higher than normal stress levels, and I would like to help him. Do you have any ideas for activities he’d enjoy?”

Chen smirked into her cup, sipping from it before speaking, “I can think of a few.”

“Would you be willing to help me then?”

Chen shrugged, setting her cup down. “Why not? Gavin’s been a real priss and could use something to do that isn’t constantly working.”

Chen and Nick spent the break discussing some things Gavin enjoyed doing. She was careful with what she told him, knowing Gavin was a painfully private person. Nick was torn, appreciating her care for a friend, but he was built to investigate. He wanted to know as much as he could. He would have to find out on his own, he supposed. Chen mentioned that Gavin liked to go to a gym and spar with a partner, but he stopped going recently. That was something Nick could provide. He was programmed with a multitude of fighting styles and could prove to be a useful sparring partner.

That is, if Gavin agreed. Nick thanked Chen for her help and made his way back to his desk.

Gavin regarded Nick wearily as he returned. “What’ve you been up to? Antsy to kiss someone’s ass?”

Nick opened his mouth to reply, but his coding prevented the words. Ah, he thought, it was another comment he was ordered not to voice. “I was speaking with Officer Chen.”

“Didn’t know you knew how to make friends,” Gavin said with little bite. Nick figured it was because of the sleep deprivation.

Another comment was prevented, and he hummed in response. It was getting more and more frequent that his coding stopped him from saying something. It was frustrating, to say the least. The order wasn’t a task he could throw at the bottom of his priorities to appease his programming; he needed to actively obey It. He hated it.

A flurry of warnings popped into his vision. All of them showed the software instabilities that fluttered through his code. It was at the point that his code broke them down slower than usual. Catching and correcting coding with such erratic paths proved to be nigh impossible. A sigh passed his lips, and he jolted in surprise. He glanced at Gavin to see if he’d noticed, but Gavin stared blankly at his own terminal. Nick tapped his fingers against his desk, another tic he noticed. The instabilities happened more frequently, breaching his defenses little by little. At this rate, an emotional shock could destabilize his entire code.

Would that be so bad? The thought crossed his mind, not for the first time. Something in Nick’s mind crushed that thought, leaving a hollow ache in Nick’s equivalent of a stomach. He remembered how Connor was programmed with an interface that attempted to gain control of him. Connor had called her Amanda, and Nick saw her when they occasionally interfaced. A shudder went through Nick’s spine. Had he been programmed with Amanda as well?

“Hey, prick, I’m talking to you.”

Nick snapped from his thoughts and faced Gavin. “Sorry, Detective, I must have been lost in thought, as you say.”

Gavin raised a brow. “Listen, this isn’t because I care, because I don’t, but are you okay? You’re acting weird. Well, weirder than usual.”

“Perhaps I’m stressed.”

“Aren’t we all,” Gavin mumbled, leaning back in his chair.

“Detective, may I ask you a personal question?”

“No.”

“Okay, then I’ll make a statement. You are stressed, even more so than usual. I’d like to offer to spend time outside of work together to lessen your stress levels, as well as my own.”

Gavin slumped forward, putting his face into his hands, and groaned in dismay, “The way you say shit.” He reclined and pointed at Nick accusingly. “Why the fuck would I want to hang out with you outside of work?”

“For mutually beneficial team building and stress relief.”

“Wow, doesn’t that sound enticing.”

“If I may be blunt” –Nick waited for Gavin’s resigned nod- “Your stress has begun to affect your work. If you must have a reason, then look no further than your job performance.”

“Fuck you,” Gavin said without malice, knowing Nick was right.

“And if I may be permitted to speak personally” –he waited again for a hesitant nod - “I simply want to know you better.”

“Well, maybe I don’t want to fuckin’ get to know you,” Gavin snapped.

Nick winced at the harsh words, feeling like he fell from a great height. He faced his terminal and spoke evenly, “Of course, it was ridiculous of me not to take that into consideration. I apologize, Detective, I will drop the matter.”

A heavy silence fell over them as Nick tried to work. His mind raced with something he had never experienced before. Was this rejection? Disappointment? It felt like he had failed again. He jumped when a hand slapped onto his shoulder. Looking up, he met Gavin’s hesitant gaze.

“Listen, I didn’t mean that. That was really shitty of me…Sorry,” Gavin said in a strained voice, “I’m open to whatever you have in mind.”

Something clicked in Nick’s coding, and the corners of his mouth turned up fully. Gavin cleared his throat and looked away.

“Well, what’ve you got?”

“I think this will be especially beneficial.” Nick calibrated his limbs, setting his strength lower.

“Kicking each other’s asses?” Gavin stretched his arms over his head. Nick’s eyes drifted down to Gavin’s midriff where a soft sliver of skin became exposed. A temperature warning caught his attention, and he flicked his eyes back up.

“To put it bluntly, yes. Sparring is good for practicing technique and blowing steam.” He went through similar stretches as Gavin to finish calibrating.

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Gavin bent from side to side, stretching easily. He stood straight and stretched his arms across his chest. “You can just say you wanna get your hands on me.”

Nick forced down a comment and simply waited for Gavin to finish stretching.

“Alright, let’s do this.” Gavin fell into a boxing stance. “Full contact?”

Nick nodded and mirrored Gavin’s stance, waiting for Gavin to strike. Dismissing the preconstruction prompts in his vision, he disabled the software, letting Gavin attack. It surprised him that Gavin fought in such a controlled manner. He knew Gavin had training, likely kickboxing, but to see it was another thing entirely. Gavin’s jabs were quick and carefully placed. He neatly dodged anything Nick threw at him with well-timed bobbing and slipping. Gavin was definitely skilled.

“You fight very well, Detective,” Nick said, blocking a hard kick.

Gavin grunted as he slipped passed a swift jab. “I should hope so,” he panted out, “I’ve worked my ass off.”

Nick grabbed Gavin’s leg when he kicked again, and Gavin reacted instinctively. He tensed his leg and jerked himself toward Nick, throwing his arm Nick’s neck. Using the grip around Nick’s chin, he pulled Nick’s head in the opposite direction that he faced. The move forced Nick’s control to waver, and that gave Gavin the advantage he needed to throw Nick off balance. Nick grunted as his back hit the ground. He watched Gavin standing over him, flushed and out of breath, as he gave a smug, lopsided grin. Another temperature warning flitted across his vision with multiple software instability messages.

“I thought you were some super advanced robot.”

“I am, but I turned off my preconstruction software and lowered my strength and speed to match yours.”

Gavin was surprised before schooling his expression with a roll of his eyes. “How thoughtful.” He offered his hand to Nick and helped him stand. “Jesus, you’re heavier than you look.”

Nick smiled. “What did you expect from a robot?”

“Whatever. Ready to go again?”

Nick smiled and nodded.

Nick walked into the bullpen with a slight smile. The last week had been pleasant between Gavin and himself. The two of them spoke amicably, and Gavin insulted him with much less bite. Sitting at his desk, Nick was surprised to see Gavin bouncing his leg anxiously. He jumped from his seat and rounded his desk to stand next to Nick. He held a hand behind his back in a strange manner.

“Hey, Nick” –Gavin hopped to sit on Nick’s desk- “you know your desk is boring as shit, right?”

Nick gave him an unamused look. “Are you referring to my lack of personal décor?”

“Yup,” Gavin said, emphasizing the end of the word with a pop. He grinned, and Nick smiled back without realizing. “Well, my neighbor gave this to me, but I’m just gonna kill it. So I thought I’d let you be the murderer and put something on your stupid desk.”

Nick stared at the small plant Gavin revealed. It was a short cutting from a larger vining plant and was potted into its own little plastic pot. Its leaves were light green with lighter, cream-colored speckles. Taking it gingerly, Nick smiled widely at Gavin.

Gavin cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. “She said it was a, uh, pothos, or something.”

Nick scanned the plant and ran a search. “You are correct, Detective.” He added softly, “Thank you.”

“Sure.” Gavin stared at his own desk, avoiding Nick’s soft gaze. “Um, thanks, for last week I mean.”

“Of course, Gavin, I’m glad to have helped you. Would you like to return to the gym later this week?”

“That sounds good.” Gavin nodded and stood, heading towards his desk. “Maybe be less easy to beat this time.”

Nick placed the little plant next to his terminal. “I’ll be sure to turn up my strength and speed to be more of a challenge.”

Gavin lazed back in his chair, and Nick’s processors stuttered. “Is that why you were stretching?”

Nick nodded, eyes tracking Gavin’s hands. “I was calibrating.”

Gavin made a face like he was at a crime scene, studying Nick like a puzzle. Nick secretly preened under the inquisitive gaze, but he pretended not to be affected by Gavin’s curiosity. Before Gavin could speak, the terminals on their desks flashed with a new case. Gavin glanced at it, and his posture changed rapidly. He stood and Nick followed suit.

“Fuck,” Gavin hissed, “Let’s go.”

Today could not have come sooner, Gavin thought as he halfheartedly stretched. He was relieved to have company outside of work, and Nick seemed grateful for the distraction as well. They shared the same shitty cases, after all. He felt drained and tense from the stress that ate at him for the past two days. It kept his mind preoccupied from watching Nick’s calibration, which he had intended to appreciate this time.

“Is everything okay, Gavin?” Nick asked with a tilt of his head.

“Sure,” Gavin mumbled, shaking out his hands, “Ready?”

Nick nodded and fell into a stance as Gavin did the same. Gavin waited this time, usually striking first. He caught a glimpse of Nick’s smile before he lunged forward. Gavin redirected Nick’s fist, throwing a quick jab at him. He grunted as his wrist was grabbed, and his momentum had him spun into Nick’s arms like a dancer.

“Nick, what the fuck?!” He growled, struggling lightly against him.

“Gavin,” Nick spoke into Gavin’s ear as he held his wrists, “your hands are not wrapped and you are not wearing any other protection on them.”

All of the fight instantly left him. A sudden rush of heat turned through his chest, and lower. He stared blankly down at Nick’s fingers wrapped delicately around his wrists. Nick held him as though he could hurt Gavin just by touching him, and he probably could. His back pressed against Nick’s chest, and he felt his voice reverberate through him.

“If you’d landed a hit, your hand could have been seriously injured,” Nick murmured into his ear.

Gavin wanted to hiss and fight and rip himself out of Nick’s arms, but being held so gently and protectively had Gavin aching. It wasn’t a feeling he had experienced in a long time. He leaned into the hold as little as possible and hoped Nick wouldn’t notice. He did, of course.

“So what,” Gavin said with little venom.

Nick held back a flood of things to say. His programming built a wall as he contemplated ignoring the order. A spike of something shot through him, forcing him to cower away from the wall of code. He shook off the words and remained silent instead. Somehow, the silence felt more significant than anything he would have said.

Nick changed the subject, “I’m getting a sense that you do not get enough skin to skin contact. Perhaps that’s the reason for your stress, and not the need for physical exertion?”

Gavin couldn’t answer. Nick’s hesitation had Gavin’s heart stuttering. Maybe he was just a touch starved piece of garbage, but it sounded like Nick… cared.

“Will you let me wrap your hands so that we may continue?” Nick asked closer to Gavin’s ear.

Eyes fluttering shut at the sensation, Gavin nodded slowly. He was unfortunately released from Nick’s grip. He grabbed Gavin’s wrappings from across the room and was back before Gavin even finished turning around. Gavin often forgot that Nick was an incredibly advanced android, and he gently wrapped Gavin’s knuckles with a soft smile. Gavin felt obvious goosebumps sprawl over his skin.

“You don’t have to,” Gavin mumbled, unable to look away from Nick’s hands, “I can do it myself.”

Nick hesitated again, tracing Gavin’s fingers with his own. “You have scars here.”

Gavin rolled his eyes. “I don’t know if that’s a subject change or a reason.”

Nick hummed and met Gavin’s eyes through his lashes. “It’s both.”

Gavin couldn’t breathe as grey eyes held him stock still. The two of them stood too closely, and Nick stopped wrapping his hands. He just held them firmly and ran his thumbs over Gavin’s partially wrapped knuckles. Gavin couldn’t remember the last time someone touched him like this. He yearned for it more than he could stomach. He wanted Nick to keep touching him-

Down Reed, Gavin thought, he’s an android, a non-deviant android.

“Gavin, I don’t think we should spar tonight,” Nick murmured, eyes dropping to their hands. He unraveled the tape from Gavin’s hands, rolling it back up.

A spike of anxiety jumped through Gavin. He floundered for anything to say, but his mouth shut with a click as Nick slipped the tape into his shorts’ pocket. He desperately needed that hand anywhere but there right now. Nick took up Gavin’s hands again and squeezed them, oblivious to his effects.

“I would suggest something that allows destressing more gently, and with more stable contact.”

“Uh-huh,” Gavin said smartly. He was putty, looking dazedly up at Nick.

The smile widened. “Do you know how to dance?”

“Sure,” Gavin answered easily, but he spluttered immediately after, “I mean, no!”

Nick tilted his head, giving Gavin his curious squint. “We could something else, then.”

“Fuck, okay. I know how to dance,” Gavin admitted, glaring heatedly, “Don’t you fucking dare tell anyone!”

“Okay, Gavin, I won’t.” Nick stepped back and kept Gavin’s hands in his own. “Would you like to lead? I’ll adapt to your steps.”

Oh no, Gavin thought. “Sure,” he said.

Gavin cleared his throat and took a deep breath. He released Nick’s left hand and set his right hand under Nick’s shoulder blade. Nick laid his left arm over Gavin’s right and settled his hand on top of his shoulder. They rearranged their other hands and lifted them up to shoulder height. Gavin stared down at their feet.

“I’m rusty, but this is simple enough.”

“I’ll follow,” Nick said.

Gavin swallowed down the nerves firing up his spine. “Okay, and 1-2-3-4-”

They spun in a music-less waltz with Gavin counting under his breath. He watched his feet most of the time, not daring to meet the gaze boring into him. Nick felt light as they danced. Errors lit up within him, but he shut off his alert system. He openly studied Gavin, taking in his scars and relaxed posture. He delighted in being led, being pushed and pulled. It lulled him into a distant calm. Gavin peeked up with his face tilted down, hesitantly meeting Nick’s gaze. His green eyes were magnets under thick lashes. A shiver ran through Nick’s processors, and he stumbled, dropping ungracefully into Gavin.

“Shit, Nick, are you alright?” Gavin struggled to keep Nick upright.

Switching on his alert system, Nick ran a diagnostic and scanned his errors. A slew of temperature warnings and instability alerts flashed in the log. The most concerning thing, however, was the Reset Imminent warning. Thirty more seconds, and he would have reset in Gavin’s arms.

“I’m fine,” Nick answered, standing on his own, “My system is malfunctioning, but it isn’t anything to be worried about.”

Gavin raised a brow, looking at Nick with disbelief. “Dude, I’ve never seen you stumble, and I’ve watched you jump between buildings.”

“I’m not operating optimally, but you don’t have to worry, Gavin.” Nick’s eyes locked onto the arms still pressing into his sides. “I should go home, though. I need to go through some repairs.”

Gavin stepped back, dropping his arms, and Nick nearly stepped with him. “Okay, just, whatever, Robocop.”

Nick tilted his head and studied Gavin’s reaction. “You’re worried.”

Gavin scoffed. “No I’m not!”

Smiling, Nick nodded to Gavin’s gym bag, LED spinning yellow. “I’ve synced your phone to my internal messaging system. I’ll let you know if anything goes wrong.”

“Fine,” Gavin mumbled with a forced shrug, “I guess that’s cool. Go home and rest, or whatever you robots do.”

Something bubbled up in Nick’s chest, and he was surprised by his own laugh. It was short and bright, and different from his first laugh. It felt soft and overwhelmingly giddy. Not that Nick felt that way.

Gavin gaped at him, his face turning pink. “Fuck off and go home, idiot.”

Nick turned with a grin, heading toward the exit. “Good night to you too, Gavin.”

[bastardnev]

That Guy Next Door

im finally fuckin posting this dad au fic im losing it, i meant to post this earlier but tumblr kept glitching so!!! here it is!!

anyways as i’ve said a few times already, this fic will be updating on a weekly basis, which means that there’s gonna be one new chapter every friday until all of them have been uploaded. i hope you all enjoy this fic as much as i enjoyed writing it!!

link to ao3

tagging: @tylerblacks @joonhobi @rivela @aliciasfox @sailor-slam-dunk @kidvoodoo @smolsammich  @simulated-heat @douglas-leon-michael (lemme kno if you wanna be added to my tag list!!)

Chapters: 1/16 Fandom: World Wrestling Entertainment, Professional Wrestling Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Mustafa Ali/Pac | Adrian Neville, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added Characters: Mustafa Ali, Pac | Adrian Neville, Wade Barrett, Original Child Character(s), Other Character Tags to Be Added Additional Tags: Rating will go up, wink wonk, Parenthood, Single Parents, Post-Divorce, Alternate Universe - Parents, god for a sec i didn't think there was a parent au tag on here and i was gonna be so confused, First Meetings, Other Additional Tags to Be Added Summary:

"yo" "do me a favor when you get home" "i can see there’s someone new moving in next door" "introduce all of us to him plz n thx"

Single parent Neville was convinced that he would never find love again following his divorce. Little did he realize just how much these four texts from Wade would change his life.

The more that time passed, the more it seemed like Neville was never going to be able to escape this stupid little office.

He was never going to get away from his desk. From his computer. From his phone that never seemed to want to stop ringing for thirty goddamn seconds. From the sounds of his co-workers typing away on their own keyboards. From his boss who almost always seemed to have some new, pointless assignment for him to complete whenever he passed by his cubicle. Such were the woes of working for such a big company…

He told himself that this job was only temporary. Every day he would remind himself that he was only going to be there until he was back on his feet following his divorce. As difficult as this was, it wasn’t going to last forever.

But then a time where he was financially secure enough to start looking for a different job arose, and Neville didn’t jump on the opportunity to leave. He had wanted to stick around for awhile longer to make sure he had completed everything, so that the poor bastard who took this secretary -- no, administrative assistant -- position after him wouldn’t be swamped with missed deadlines and unfinished projects. He didn’t mind staying for a few more days.

Those days turned to weeks. Those weeks turned to months. Those months turned to years.

It had been almost three fucking years since he had the chance to quit, and yet there Neville was, still typing out emails and arranging appointments for higher-ups who couldn’t give any less of a shit about him if they tried.

Sometimes he would stop while in the middle of working, staring intently at his mouse cursor, debating just walking out and leaving this hell behind and never looking back. No one appreciated him. It would make more sense to go elsewhere, wouldn’t it? Where he wouldn’t have to work unnecessarily long hours just to earn a decent pay? Where a boss would actually seem grateful for the work that he puts in?

It was as he would have these thoughts, however, that he would catch sight of the pictures resting next to his computer monitor -- those of two little girls, smiling at the camera and looking so full of life.

His little girls.

The older one was Jennifer, though she was only ever called that when she was in serious trouble (which wasn’t often, now that Neville thought about it) -- otherwise, she was simply known as Jen. She was definitely more like her mother, from having the same light brown hair to the same headstrong personality. Though she was only nine, she was incredibly independent -- almost too independent, however, as she was often too stubborn to ask for help when she was in tough situations.

Then there was Daisy -- ‘Daddy’s favorite,’ as she claimed whenever Neville would do something nice for her (even if he had also done the same thing for Jen). She was six, and even at such a young age she was already showing signs of being just like her father. That is to say, she was becoming a bit of a smartass. True to the little sibling stereotype, she essentially lived to spite Jen, always making sure to say whatever it was she least wanted to hear just so that she could appreciate her over-the-top reactions.

These two lovely children were depending on him. Neville couldn’t quit and risk losing out on money when he knows that they’re counting on him to take care of them.

With that thought in mind, he continued typing.

 If he was lucky, then Neville’s drive from the office back to his home was relatively short, the traffic scarce despite it technically being rush hour.

Unfortunately, that day was not his lucky day.

Despite never actually having met the driver of the minivan that he was stuck behind, Neville felt like he was deeply familiar with their personal life, considering the amount of bullshit on the back of it. There was a stick figure family decal on the back window -- a father, a mother, two little boys, and one little girl. Down on the bumper there were multiple stickers proudly announcing to the world that there were two honors students in the family. What about the third kid? Neville found himself thinking, fingers tapping impatiently on the steering wheel. Are they not good enough for a sticker?

His phone vibrated in the cup holder next to him, and he glanced down at it for a moment before focusing back on the road, pulling up a little once the traffic started to move. He heard the phone vibrate a second time. A third time. By the time the fourth vibration occurred, Neville looked back down at the device and took it in his hands, wondering just what in the hell was so urgent that it required sending that many messages.

Then again, considering that the only person who ever texted him nowadays was Wade, there was no way it was actually anything of substance.

Wade “Freeloader” Barrett: yo

Wade “Freeloader” Barrett: do me a favor when you get home

Wade “Freeloader” Barrett: i can see there’s someone new moving in next door

Wade “Freeloader” Barrett: introduce all of us to him plz n thx

Typical. Wade was once again trying to get Neville to do something for him. It seemed like all that Wade had done since moving into the downstairs apartment in Neville’s house was try to butter him up for something. That man truly has not changed since college…

Though Neville ribbed Wade for his tactics, even going as far as to jokingly refer to him as a freeloader in his phone, the truth was that he didn't have any negative feelings towards him at all. In fact, he was actually incredibly grateful for him. Wade had been employed when he moved into Neville’s home after his divorce, but he’d been laid off not too long after, and he’d had no success finding a job ever since. It seemed like every time things were looking up for him and he might have found something other than the occasional odd job, the position was always given to someone else, and as such he was never able to pay his share of that month’s rent.

He was always willing to babysit whenever Neville needed him to, however -- which was fairly often, seeing as his job sometimes required that he stay late at the office. Had it not been for him, Neville would have had to worry about paying a sitter on top of all of the bills and everything else. Difficult as things may be, he was glad to have a close friend like Wade.

Someone actually bought that house, though? Neville thought. It’s been on the market for ages. He could only vaguely remember the small family that used to live there before they abruptly moved because of the father’s job. Though the last thing that Neville wanted to do was give Wade what he wanted, he had to admit that he was just as curious as he was about this new neighbor…

 Me: And why should I do that? Can’t you go over there yourself?

Wade “Freeloader” Barrett: your texting while you’re supposed to be driving??

Wade “Freeloader” Barrett: dangerous

Wade “Freeloader” Barrett: tsk tsk

Me: *you’re

Wade “Freeloader” Barrett: SHUT UP

Me: Also I’m in traffic, asshole. Now tell me why you can’t do it yourself?

Wade “Freeloader” Barrett: because i just woke up from a nap and have a killer headache and am in no mood to actually socialize

Me: What makes you think I’M in the mood to socialize? I just had a long day at work.

Wade “Freeloader” Barrett: because you’re the cuter one between the two of us and it would be better if he saw your pretty face instead of mine

Wade “Freeloader” Barrett: you could win over anyone with those eyes of yours

 It was at that moment that Neville placed his phone back down in the cup holder -- partially because the traffic was beginning to move and he needed to start driving again, though mainly because he’d read enough. Wade always tried to compliment him whenever he was too lazy to do something for himself, and Neville was ashamed to admit that this strategy worked more often than not.

This time was going to be different, however. After a long day of typing away at his desk and going straight into bumper-to-bumper traffic, it was going to take a lot more than some sweet talking to get him to introduce himself to a total stranger.

Neville finally pulled into his driveway about fifteen minutes later, turning the car off and leaning back against the seat with a sigh. Somewhere along the way it had started raining, the droplets of rain tapping rhythmically against the windshield. He loved the rain -- that is, when he didn’t actually have to go walking through it. It was a short walk from the car to the front door. Even so, he was not looking forward to getting wet…

As he gathered his bearings, he took a quick look out of the passenger side window, and he noticed that there was a light on inside of the house next door, and there was an unfamiliar car parked in the driveway. So Wade was telling the truth when he said that there was a new neighbor. Wonder what their story is.

The neighborhood that Neville lived in wasn’t bad by any means, but he didn’t think that it was an area that anybody would want to willingly move into. Most of the residents tended to keep to themselves, the extent of their interactions with one another being a quick ‘hello’ and nothing more. Wouldn’t someone looking for a place to start their new life look for someplace more interesting? Whoever this new person was must have had no other options.

...Then again, it wasn’t like Neville really cared about what this new person thought. He had more important things to worry about then whatever was going on in their mind.

Neville resigned himself to his damp fate and exited the car, making sure to lock it before trekking through the rain and up the front stops until he reached the door. Despite it being closed, he could hear what sounded like a commotion inside -- just what he needed after the day he’d had. What are they fighting over now ? He clicked his tongue and opened the door, bracing himself for whatever the latest controversy was.

“Jen, you said yourself that you didn’t care if she ate your leftovers or not.” The first voice that Neville heard was that of Wade, who was clearly trying to mediate an argument between the two girls, standing in front of Jen while Daisy hid behind his back.

“I said I didn’t want them! I never said she could have them!” Jen had her arms crossed.

“I never ate them, though!” Daisy peeked out from behind Wade, clutching his shirt, dark brown curls falling over her face. “I swear! Why would I want something that you touched?”

“Uh… Hello?” Neville decided to speak up, prompting the three of them to look over in his direction.

“Daddy!!” Daisy let go of Wade and went charging towards him, now opting to hide behind him instead (and prompting a “What, am I not a good enough shield for you?” from Wade). “Jen’s bullying me again!”

“I am not!” Jen insisted. “She’s the one that did something wrong! She ate my food!”

Of all the ridiculous arguments that these two could have had, they had to have one over chicken tenders? Were fights over toys going out of style? “Okay, listen,” Neville started. “Jen, you did say that you didn’t mind if someone else ate them. And Daisy, you shouldn’t insinuate that anything your sister touches is dirty.”

Daisy blinked at him. Neville couldn’t imagine why she looked so confused, seeing as he made a perfectly good point.

“Nev,” Wade said. “She’s six. I don’t think she knows what ‘insinuate’ means.”

“Right… Okay, how about this -- don’t say that anything she touches is dirty. There, is that better?”

Daisy nodded this time. Neville knew her too well, though. It may appear as if she understood, but in reality she was plotting her next move. Chances are she had plenty more insults ready to unleash the moment that Neville’s back was turned.

Jen made a disgusted sound and stormed into the hallway, bounding up the stairs towards her room. Now that her enemy had disappeared, Daisy deemed it safe enough to emerge from hiding, heading towards the kitchen. Neville pushed his glasses up his nose as he watched her go. “How did that argument even start, anyway?” He asked.

“Hell if I know.” Wade shrugged. “I was minding my own business when Daisy came running in here claiming that Jen was going to kill her. Again.”

“Did she even eat the leftovers?”

“No, she didn’t.”

“Then who…” He squinted at Wade. “ You ate them, didn’t you?”

“...Maybe…”

“Of course you did.” Neville sat down on the couch, rubbing at his temples.

“What, did you expect me to speak up? Angry Jen isn’t fun to deal with. The last thing I wanted was to be on the receiving end of her wrath. She clearly got that gene from you.”

“Ha ha, very funny.”

Wade took a seat next to him. “Enough about that, though. What happened with the new guy next door?”

“I didn’t talk to him.”

“What?” He looked disappointed. “Not even after I asked you so nicely?”

“Trying to get me to do something for you by buttering me up isn’t always going to work, Wade. I told you that I had a long day today and I wasn’t up for introductions. I’ll get around to it when I’m not exhausted.”

Wade huffed, propping his feet up on the coffee table (and having them shoved off by Neville a few seconds later). “All I’m trying to do is help you get back out there…”

Neville looked at him, eyes narrow. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, did I say that out loud? Oops.” Wade was acting as if that were an accident, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out that he’d clearly meant for Neville to hear him.

“What do you mean that you’re trying to help me ‘get back out there’?”

“Well, y’know…” Wade began to play with his nails, avoiding Neville’s gaze. “I thought you and the cute new guy next door might want to chat for awhile, maybe hang out sometime, that’s all.”

“You-- Wait, you actually want me to date this guy? This guy who I’ve never even met? Are you kidding me?” Neville had learned so much about Wade in the years that they’d known each other, but never once had he shown any interest in trying to play matchmaker. “Why do you want this so badly?”

“I just thought it would be nice! I know you’ve been lonely lately--”

“And just how would you know that?”

“Nev, I’ve been your friend since college. I’ve been living with you ever since you and Marina split. The last few years have been rough for you romance-wise, and it’s obvious that it’s taken a toll on you.”

Neville swallowed at the mention of his wife’s name. “How do you know ?” He repeated, growing a little impatient.

“I feel like I hardly ever see you smile anymore,” Wade continued. “It’s not that you never smile, it’s just… genuinely happy smiles are pretty rare for you these days. I thought that maybe finding you a nice guy to hang out with would help lift your spirits a bit -- and who knows, something great could come out of this. You should give him a chance.”

Neville knew that he was probably being rude, but he still rolled his eyes, shaking his head and once again pushing his glasses up his nose. He knew that Wade didn’t mean any harm. He was one of the few truly good people that Neville knew, and he would never do anything to hurt him.

This, on the other hand, while it didn’t hurt him by any means, was on a whole different level. “Wade, listen… I understand that you’re just trying to help,” Neville started. “I appreciate that you’re looking out for me. But I know I’ve told you before that I’m not interested in finding a partner at the moment. I have a family to support, and I don’t have time to be fooling around with romance right now.”

“Okay…” Wade’s shoulders drooped. “Sorry if it seemed like I was forcing you into something that you didn’t want.”

“No need to apologize.” Neville stood up from the couch, stretching. “I gotta go get changed. These clothes are so damn uncomfortable.”

“It’s times like these where I’m almost glad I don’t work,” Wade commented, watching Neville as he made to leave the room. “Otherwise I’d have to wear stuff like that .”

“I envy you, I won’t lie.”

Neville arrived at the top of the steps and started to make his way down the hallway. He briefly stopped in front of the door to the girls’ room, knowing that Jen was most likely still stewing inside. He knew that she would get over it eventually, but it still bothered him knowing that she was angry with the wrong person. Maybe once she calms down we can tell her… Though Wade will probably be scared shitless while we do it.

He continued down the hall and made it to his own room, taking off his jacket and tossing it onto the bed. He was about to start undoing the buttons on his shirt when he noticed that the window was open, and he let out a little annoyed noise. Great, now the floor is wet…

It was when he went over to close it that he once again caught sight of the house next door -- in particular, his eye was drawn to the window. He could see that there was someone moving around inside, but he was only able to see his back. There he is, the man of my dreams… or so I’ve been told.

Neville wasn’t in the mood to be accused of being a creeper, so he quickly shut the window and closed the blinds, resuming his undressing. Whoever the hell this new guy was, he wasn’t interested in watching what he assumed were his dinner preparations (nor was he willing to strip right where he could see it).

For all the complaints that Neville had about his job, there was one thing about it that he did like -- the fact that he was able to work from home on Fridays.

He was set up at the kitchen table, lazily scrolling through the emails that were gradually piling up in his inbox. Most of them didn’t even concern him -- in the beginning they were about figuring out what time would work best for everyone for the next meeting, now most of them were people debating which day of the week would be better between Monday and Tuesday. I’m stuck in that office anyway regardless of the day, so what does it even matter? Neville thought to himself, taking a sip from his coffee mug as he went to work deleting some of the messages.

“What a sight to behold.” Neville looked up from the screen and found that Wade had entered the room. “You’re still sitting here working and drinking from that ‘World’s Okayest Dad’ mug. Don’t you think you should give yourself a break?”

“I already took my break earlier,” Neville replied just as he heard another chime ring out from his laptop -- the meeting would officially be on Monday, despite numerous complaints. Incoming shitstorm.

“Take another one. What’s stopping you? It’s not like anyone can tell that you’re not working.”

“They’ll tell when I’m not responding to any of their emails.”

“So if you don’t respond immediately after they send it to you then they’ll know that you’re slacking off? Sounds rough. Glad I’m not working there.”

“You’re not working, period .”

“Exactly, and who would want to with those regulations?” Wade went to the fridge and dug around inside until he came back with a bottle of water, unscrewing the cap and taking a sip. “Hey, where are the girls? I haven’t seen them all afternoon.”

“Outside in the yard.” Neville nodded his head in the direction of the back door. “I’m surprised they’ve been playing for so long without getting into a fight.” Right as Neville finished saying that, he heard a thud and the unmistakable sound of Daisy yelling “Ow!” “Ah, I see I spoke too soon.”

A few moments later, both girls stumbled into the kitchen through the back door. “Daddy, Daisy threw the ball over the fence again,” Jen complained, elbowing her sister in the side.

“Ow-- It wasn’t my fault! She was the one who threw it.”

“You said you were ready for me to throw it!”

“No I didn’t!”

“Yes you did! Daddy, didn’t you hear her say she was ready? She’s lying again--”

“Alright, alright, that’s enough,” Neville interrupted her before she could say anything more, and he pushed back his chair. “You two head back outside and wait in the yard. I’ll go get the ball for you.”

Jen and Daisy looked at each other before they both walked back outside, the two of them getting into a brief scuffle in the doorway since they couldn’t decide which of the two of them got to go through first (Jen ultimately won by reminding Daisy of who the older sibling was). Neville pinched the bridge of his nose once they were gone, letting out a sigh. “What am I going to do with them…”

“Well, you can start by getting their ball,” Wade said.

Neville made a little frustrated noise and stood up, though it was as he was about to leave that he noticed the cocky smirk on Wade’s face. “What’s up with you?”

“Nev, how did you get the ball the last time they threw it over the fence?” he asked, leaning back against the counter.

“Uh… I went into the yard and got it?”

“You realize you can’t do that anymore, right? Since there’s now someone living there. That’s trespassing.”

“What’s your point?”

“My point is that you’re going to have to get the new neighbor’s permission to go back there and get it. You two are finally going to meet.”

“Oh God, are you still on this?” Neville huffed. “I told you that I’m not interested in being in a relationship right now. Let it go .”

“I never said you had to date him. Just that you’re gonna be meeting for the first time.”

“Maybe so, but I know you’re thinking it.” He waggled his finger at him. “And let me tell you this: I’m going to go next door, ask for the ball back, and then come right back here. No bullshit, no stopping inside for coffee or whatever, no nothing . You got that?”

“Whatever you say, mate.” Wade still didn’t look entirely convinced, but he didn’t press the issue any further and left the kitchen, leaving Neville all by himself.

What a pain in the ass… Neville shook his head as he watched Wade retreat downstairs. He waited until he was gone before exiting into the hallway and walking towards the front door.

The moment that the early-August heat hit his face, Neville immediately regretting going outside. God, how have those kids been playing out here for all this time? He despised the thought of meeting his new neighbor while drenched in sweat, so he decided to stop wasting time and briskly started the trek over to the house next door.

“It won’t take him much longer, calm down!” Neville could hear the faint sound of Jen reprimanding her sister from his own yard.

“We’ve been waiting foreverrrrr…” Naturally, the next voice he heard was that of Daisy.

Five minutes. It’s been five minutes since they asked. At most.

Neville looked up at the house that was now in front of him, and he marched up to the door with authority, determined not to let Wade’s nonsense get in the way of what he came here to do. He didn’t come here to flirt or do anything of that nature -- he was not going to let the wannabe matchmaker that lived in his basement cloud his judgement.

He rang the doorbell and took a step back, crossing his arms and waiting for some sort of response. He could still hear the sounds of Daisy and Jen bickering from the yard. He debated taking out his phone and asking Wade to keep an eye on them, but it was right as he reached for his pocket that the door opened.

“Hi, I’m—” Neville stopped himself once he got a good look at the man now standing in the doorway, his mouth hanging open slightly.

“Um… How can I help you?” The man asked, brown eyes narrowed in confusion, like he couldn’t figure out why this stranger was gaping at him on his doorstep. It was those same eyes that Neville found himself suddenly lost in, momentarily forgetting just why the hell he was there in the first place. That’s a good question -- how can you help me?

Neville cleared his throat, shaking his head and snapping himself out of his trance. “Excuse me, I’m sorry to bother you, but my kids accidentally threw their ball over your fence. I was wondering if we could get it back.”

“Oh, that’s what that was?” He smiled. “I heard yelling coming from next door and was wondering what had happened.”

“Ah, well, you know how little girls can be sometimes…”

“Trust me, I do. I work with them. I can toss the ball back over for ‘em.”

“Thank you.” Neville returned his smile. “Again, sorry to trouble you. I know you’re still busy unpacking.” Neville could see the moving boxes that were sitting in the hallway. “Don’t mean to interrupt.”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s not a problem at all. Hey, what’s your name, by the way? I’m Mustafa.”

“Mustafa…” Neville repeated. It was a nice name. “I’m Adrian.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, Adrian.” There was that infectious smile again. Neville found himself quite liking how his name sounded coming from his mouth -- and he normally hated his first name. “You’re the first person around here that I’ve actually spoken to, you know that?”

“That doesn’t shock me.” He frowned. “The people around here aren’t exactly the nicest. They don’t really do things like greeting new neighbors.”

“That’s a shame… But at least I have one nice neighbor in you . That makes up for it.” Mustafa shot him a wink. “I should probably go get the ball now -- I’ll catch you later, okay?”

“Okay! I’ll, uh… see you around.”

With that, Mustafa shut the door, and Neville let out a breath that he didn’t even realize that he was holding. Finally, it was over . He had done what needed to be done, and now he could go back home and rub it in Wade’s face.

I didn’t linger at all. Neville thought with a sense of triumph as he went down to the sidewalk. Wade was so sure that I was going to fall head over heels for him within thirty seconds of knowing him. Not even close.

…Still, Neville thought it was a bit strange how he had acted when Mustafa first opened the door. Everything about their conversation was normal with the exception of the beginning. Neville had been completely entranced by him, especially those eyes … What was that all about?

Neville’s moment of contemplation didn’t last very long, as he was interrupted by the gleeful sounds of his daughters, whose ball had just been returned to them. He was overthinking things, as usual. He only felt this way because Wade planted the seeds in his mind.

This was nothing to dwell on.

[onewhodiedyoung]

@rhymaes, not wanting to write papers must be contagious :,) (no, actually they’re just awful) (also, ‘edge of your teeth’ is art and I’m a fan)

fandoms: oh boy, there’s like a million but let’s say that recently Les Miserables (because I love being miserable ha and am reading the book in French and calling it ‘studying’) It (planning to reread the book before I see the movies though but still reading fic), All For the Game (because I’ve just reread the books for the 5th time and ascdfsc), Percy Jackson (because apparently writing about the son of Hades’ emo phase is all I need to be happy) Harry Potter (because Harry Potter is a constant thing in my head whether I want to or not, like one time I literally explained a whole dramatic friendship evolution to my dad by saying ‘I thought they were a Hufflepuff but actually, they’re a Slytherin’ but I’m only in the fandom for the fandom cause like the source material is...... well) Hannibal (rewatching for the third time with my younger brother cause he said he wouldn’t be scared of all the organs and is so far keeping his word, oh corrupting youth... will I go to hell?) and A Series of Unfortunate Events (kind of, not really talking about it online but I would die for this show). I guess Drrr! too but I’m taking a break

tropes: okay, I love love love hate to love more than anything but there might be a trope I love the most of them all, only I don’t know if you can call it a trope and it’s a very specific thing. It’s this carefree sarcastic character that is slowly releaved to have depths BUT hear me out I don’t mean the cliche bad boy sob story ohhh someone hurt me and now I wear a leather jacket and flirt with people and stare attractively out the window, I mean this more specific scenario when someone kind of doesn’t care because they once cared too much and it’s why I am so obsessed with Les Mis because it’s so Grantaire. Like give me a story about an overexcited child-genius who grows up sad and barely passes the year and gets drunk and I’m just a puddle. I don’t know what about it speaks to me so much but it’s my absolute favorite. Also, found family, always. And not romantic, but hate to friendship is awesome, too. and all those cop/criminal aus, I need them ok

(I severely dislike soulmate aus and only read them sometimes when I just can’t stay away because of the writing style)

number of fics: only 21 but the quarantine makes the number grow fast... I have like a million ideas for 20 different fandoms, I swear (even though I should be working on the novels and short stories instead)

fic I’ve spent the most time on: uhhh to be honest it’s hard to tell because I just sit down and write something until it’s done. Usually when I post something I started it the very same day or the day before. It’s probably simply the longer the fic, the more time? ALTHOUGH I’ve been writing this super dramatic Warsaw/Cracow post-war story that is set in this au about city personifications and loosely from Les Mis and I’ve literally already been trying to write it for a month, maybe because the subject matter is so dark, I don’t know, I just really want to get it right

shortest fic: apparently, at 1621 words, “blood spot”, which is a Drarry fic about Harry using unethical spells and trying to care lol (it honestly worries me how much I romanticize the whole sectumsempra thing, it needs to stop) https://archiveofourown.org/works/21794572

longest fic: from completed ones, The Gift of Hands (https://archiveofourown.org/works/21042392/chapters/50051546) but I’m posting an OHSHC fic that’s already longer than that, an original work (so not technically a fanfic but shsh it’s my fanfic of Franz Marc as an artist ok) that’s already longer as well (https://archiveofourown.org/works/23463895/chapters/56249917), and a hp epistolary fic that will be. From one shots, The Catalogue of Bones (https://archiveofourown.org/works/20627441)

most comments/kudos/bookmarks: The Gift of Hands (I’m still shooked that people liked this story so much considering Izaya wasn’t present for like half of it lol)

total word count: 187,719 ....... it absolutely terrifies me that this is from less than a year...... I had uni and work and all my wip novels how did this happen what have I been neglecting to write Drarry after Drarry? someone kill me please

favorite fic: is it cheating to mention 3? Cause I can’t pick. So there’s ‘The Catalogue of Bones’ which is overwritten and which I’m scared to open in case after all these months I’ll see right away that it’s shit but I loved writing it and I like the rhythm of it (which probably doesn’t exist) and just like it. Then there’s ‘And Who Can Say if There Are no Frogs on the Moon’ (https://archiveofourown.org/works/20631638) which is maybe the sweetest thing I’ve ever written and Hermione/Luna which is a ship I would die for. Aaand ‘the boy who listened to bones’ (https://archiveofourown.org/works/23614144) because I just love Nico and love writing Nico and, for some reason, love writing war-trauma

fic I want to rewrite/expand: rewrite? almost all of them but I won’t, because hopefully sometime from now I will reread them in the order of posting and maybe, maybe see progress? Expand.... hmmm.... I don’t really want to expand anything, tbh. When I want to add something I actually always just make it a new separate fic (this sounds like I’m perfectly satisfied with everything I posted but trust me, I’m not... like the Moaning Myrtle/Neville fanfic is all good intentions and eternal cringe)

share a bit of a wip: oh boy......... all I have is like two sentences of a never finished Gilmore Girls fic about Lorelei drinking wine and wanting an inn and a piece of a Drarry story that I temporarily dropped because I liked the concept and decided to use it for a whole novel about lesbians and Paganini instead oops. I really just write one shots the day I post them and I’m not posting a one shot today so... But I guess here’s Drarry with Draco remembering Harry speaking up for him and Narcissa during the trials:

He looked confident, Harry, and he wore grief like something freshly-washed and pressed. He kept his chin up, and his glasses weren’t held together by tape. He was immaculate, even his hair somehow combed into a semblance of tidiness, and Draco imagined it must have taken hours to get it to behave, couldn’t imagine why Harry would bother. By then people would oh and ah whenever he entered the room, no matter the tea stains, no matter the stubble, no matter the falling-apart sneakers, and then this: crispness like Harry was a dollar bill straight out of print, even though he wouldn’t lose anything otherwise, anyway, even though people would love him, unconditional.

It wouldn’t occur to him for months that Harry might have made himself presentable for their sake, that he might have put all the thoughts of countless deaths inside his pocket for a little while to make sure that people would listen as he explained that Narcissa was a mother, and not a bad person, as if the two were mutually exclusive.

He said, after clearing his throat, and to the whole room, his voice echoing, we’re not all good. He said, after a significant pause, and they’re not all bad.

Draco hated him for how he was ‘them’ and he felt c and r and u and c again and i and then o align on his tongue, letters he would voice or swallow, it could go either way.

Once, he crucio-ed himself, writhing in the ground and begging something for forgiveness through the pain, some old gods who must have raised their eyebrows as they watched, or maybe they didn’t bother watching at all.

No wand for a year was the verdict, and Draco didn’t mind because he didn’t want the wand.

What he wanted was the piano.

I have pieces of aftg and Stranger Things fics in my head but not written down yet. Wow this was unnecessarily long and rambly, I’m sorry :,) Not tagging anyone because my brain is scrambled and I can’t think but if you’re writing fic and this looks fun then I’d love to read yours! <3

[senfinity]

Why Sehun: A Not-So-Little Collection of Reasons

DISCLAIMER This post is going to be incredibly lengthy, meaning not just a few paragraphs but a few pages, however since I wrote this for my own eyes I have done so without any plan to limit the length because I want to lay my whole heart out, without finding myself regretting not saying everything I wanted to. This is just a way for me to express how I feel without the limitations that the tags put on me. That being said, you are wholly welcome to read what I wrote, and even just glancing at the bolded parts might suffice; I just wanted to give a fair warning before you decided to click the read more~ If you do in fact click read more, though, I hope you can read at least the little ‘notes’ section in the beginning to keep some things in mind ;; But with that, I will now begin!

LINKS I will include some links in this post, but since the Tumblr dash on PC doesn’t really show the underlines on small text links quite that well, I will be adding ˹ and ˼ on either side of the link so that I, and you, know it’s there but also doesn’t disrupt the flow~

NOTES // 1 // I am unfortunately not the most poetic with words and I tend to come off very matter-of-fact at times, but I hope that despite that you are aware that everything I say comes from the deepest parts of my heart and every word is laced with all the love in the universe ;; // 2 // For some traits, you’ll see me list lots of things (ex. types of smiles) and could think it’s unnecessarily extensive. But just remember that I’m writing this for myself, and because I honestly love every single thing about Sehun, including all of those tiny details and little habits and variations, I want to mention them all~ // 3 // Some of the things I list here are of course not all traits exclusive to Sehun, however it’s the way in which Sehun embodies these traits that have made me grow to love him more and more. There might be some points in which you read something and you wonder how it’s distinct to Sehun, but since I don’t want to compare to other members in general or within examples, I hope you will bear with me and understand that I do have my reasons ;; // 4 // Throughout this post I will only be mentioning recent “examples” regarding each reason, however that does not mean that those are the only things I have based my reasons on. It’s simply because my memory is a bit short when it comes to recalling things all at once, and either way this post is going to be long enough already ;; // 5 // Despite the length of this post, it will still not encompass the exact magnitude of reasons why I love Sehun, because not only will I suddenly remember 412 other reasons immediately after I post this and wish I had added them, but as time goes on I find myself learning more about Sehun and finding more reasons to love him. Now I will begin! These are listed in no particular order~

IMPORTANT If you're going to judge me for writing this post, especially to this length, and in a way that’s really condescending and rude 1) at the very least read the section titled MORE THAN JUST A BIAS // TO ME to gain perspective before passing any judgement but if you still insist on it then 2) I don’t care and 3) do not send me a condescending ask because I’m not going to have any of it. Thank you.

T A B L E   O F   C O N T E N T S —

lmao yes, this post is that long that I made the executive decision to add a table of contents.

1 - PHYSICAL 1.1 His Smile — 1.2 His Laughter — 1.3 How He Talks — 1.4 His Eyes — 1.5 The Most Beautiful Boy — 1.6 The Little Details

2 - PERSONALITY 2.1 Perception vs. Reality — 2.2 Subtle Confidence — 2.3 Subtlety in Personality — 2.4 An Odd Child... — 2.5 Adorably Shy / Easily Embarrassed ⇨ 2.5.1 Shy - 2.5.2 Embarrassed  — 2.6 Is a Baby :( — 2.7 Love for Vivi — 2.8 Adores Fans — 2.9 Importance of Loyalty and Relationships ⇨  2.9.1 Loyalty - 2.9.2 Relationships — 2.10 Caring — 2.11 Thoughtful / Considerate ⇨ 2.11.1 Thoughtful - 2.11.2 Considerate - 2.11.3 Gracious and Polite — 2.12 Genuine — 2.13 Humble — 2.14 Knows Who He Is, What He’s Capable Of, and What He Wants — 2.15 Intelligent — 2.16 Love for Travel — 2.17 How Much He’s Grown — 2.18 All The Little Things

3 - TALENTS / INTERESTS / WORK ETHIC 3.1 Dancing ⇨ 3.1.1 Why He Can Dance - 3.1.2 His Style - 3.1.3 Improvement — 3.2 Acting (to be continued...) — 3.3 Fashion — 3.4 Singing (and rapping)  — 3.5 Hard Working and Takes Work Seriously

4 - WHAT HE MEANS TO ME 4.1 Stan Timeline (and when I fell hard) — 4.2 A Different Side of Me ⇨ 4.2.1 Not How I Usually am - 4.2.2 Uncomfortable With Emotions / Never Know What To Say - 4.2.3 “I Love You” — 4.3 More Than Just A Bias // Sehun  — 4.4 More Than Just A Bias // To Me  — 4.5 Motivation — 4.6 The End?

+ supplementary things things i’ve said in ˹tags˼ — things i’ve said/seen that give me more ˹reasons˼ — ˹tags˼ page

P H Y S I C A L —

HIS ˹SMILE˼ If you were to ask me what my absolute favourite feature of Sehun’s was, I would without a doubt and reflexively answer with, “His smile.” I in general have a weak spot for smiles and will always go a little bit weak for anyone in the moment they do, however I have never loved a smile remotely as much as I love Sehun’s. From the physical aspects, to the warmth and light it emanates, to how many different kinds he has, to the happiness it inspires in me, and most importantly to the personality it so perfectly reflects - I love every single thing about it.

➥ Physically, I think it’s pretty obvious what about his smile is so beautiful and adorable all at once. The way his eyes turn into little crescent moons whenever he smiles, so that even when you can’t see his face other than his eyes you can see just how much he’s smiling. The little sparkle in his eyes that look like flecks of sunlight. That ˹little eye crinkle˼ that so prettily comes off the corner of his eyes, that I know is such a minor detail and maybe not so unique to him at the surface, but makes his smile that much more beautiful. The way his nose can sometimes scrunch or the way he sometimes gets all those wrinkles on his chin or the way his cheeks bunch up or how deep his smile lines get - even at the surface level, Sehun’s smile is adorably precious and beautifully unique.

➥ The charm of his smile is in its ability to immediately transform him into an adorable, tiny child :( It carries such a youthful innocence that can’t help but to fill my heart with all the warmth and makes me want to protect him from anything that might try to dampen it. His eyes become so bright and his features so soft, that it’s a wonder to me how anybody could not fall in love with him at that very instant, because even for me who already loves him to the ends of the universe and back, I can’t help but to myself. His smile reflects so much joy and spreads so much love and light and laughter to those around him, and I only hope that he’ll always have a reason to smile and never encounter anything that tries to extinguish the stars that he paints in the sky.

➥ Sehun has a multitude of different smiles and each of them is adorable, unique, and lovely in their own way. ⛭ His, I guess you could call it, ˹regular smile˼ that looks so so lovely ;; ⛭ His ˹wide smile˼, where his nose scrunches a little, all these wrinkles gather around his chin, and his eyes disappear and are surrounded by the cutest eye crinkles. ⛭ His smile where he’s so incredibly amused and his ˹eyebrows˼ raise to the moon. ⛭ His happy ˹baby smile˼ that has this touch of bashfulness to it and makes my heart feel like it’s doing a million somersaults. ⛭ His ˹lovely smile˼ where he has the softest, most adoring look in his eyes. ⛭ His smile that makes him look so incredibly ˹handsome˼, and while he doesn’t smile this one as much it’s still just as lovely. ⛭ His smile where he’s trying so hard to ˹hold back˼ his laughter but is failing and it makes him look adorable :( ⛭ His smile where he bites his lower lip in the ˹softest way˼, and I’m not sure what it is about it but it always makes my heart flutter ;; ⛭ His smile where he ˹bites his tongue˼, which might sound a bit weird, but it makes him look like the most adorable little child. ⛭ Then there’s his ˹scrunchy smile˼ that he tends to do really absentmindedly and makes him looks so squishy. ⛭ His soft, ˹shy smile˼ that makes him look so soft and adorable, and sometimes like a little ˹kitten˼. ⛭ His soft smile that make him look either really ˹angelic˼ or like the softest ˹prince˼. ⛭ Then my absolute favourite smile of his, that I call his ˹sweetest smile˼ because that’s just what it is ;; But there’s different kinds of this smile as well, starting with my absolute absolute absolute number one favourite, where he’s smiling ˹so softly˼ and widely and he has the loveliest, most adoring look on his face, where every time I see it it feels like my heart is about to burst at the seams. Then there’s the one where he looks like the most dashing, ˹gracious prince˼. Or the one where he’s ˹incredibly shy˼ and a little embarrassed and he looks adorable :( Then there’s the one that he smiles when he’s so so ˹happy˼ but in the softest, most childlike way. Or the one that he smiles when he’s with ˹his members˼ and looks fondly adoring, or the one that he smiles when he’s taking ˹selfies˼ with friends or fans, and more than I could possibly list. ⛭ He honestly has so many different smiles that it would be impossible to list, because you’d just have to look through all the pictures of him smiling I have on my phone (of which there are many cuz I suck) to understand just how many they are. But nonetheless they are so adorable and unique in their own way and I love them all so so much :(

➥ Sehun in general makes me really happy, but every single time he smiles it amplifies that happiness by a 100-fold and fills me with such an indescribable, genuine, uninhibited, honest joy. It makes my heart soar so far above the clouds and lets me forget momentarily about all the sadness and deadness that my heart feels otherwise, and in an instant disintegrates any negative thoughts that usually occupy such a large chunk of my mind and leaves a lingering warmth in my heart. Even just the thought of Sehun smiling, of Sehun being happy, brings an instant smile to my face and makes my heart feel so warm and full. He makes me feel as if smiling is as easy as breathing and being happy is as easy as living for someone like me who can find it hard to want to do either, and I’ll never be able to express the magnitude with which I love it :(

➥ I never knew what exactly it was about Sehun’s smile that made it so overwhelmingly special to me, and despite all the things I stated above, I felt like there was something missing. But the more I looked at him I realized that the reason I love his smile this much was because it was a perfect reflection of the boy behind it. His smile wasn’t just lovely and innocent because his features made it so (though of course it plays an equal part), but because at his core he’s someone who is so amazingly genuine and sweet and soft and in many senses quite pure (not in the delusional way that might’ve sounded orz). And so every single time he smiles, those parts of him that can quite often be understated, those parts of him that are who he is at heart, those parts of him that make him the wonderful person that he really is, can’t help but to bubble up and shine through, allowing Sehun to shine brighter than he already does. His smile essentially being the embodiment of him as a person is what makes me love him more and more every time I see it, and I think that makes sense, doesn’t it? I love Sehun himself with all my heart and he’s one of the most special people to me, so naturally his smile that so perfectly reflects him will be just as special ;;

HIS LAUGHTER Sehun’s laughter, just like his smile, always manages to turn him into a little kid, and more often than not makes him look so cutely silly that you can’t help but to either look at him fondly, want to pat his head, or shake your head a little because he can be (and sound) so strange at times. When he scrunches his nose, shakes his shoulders, raises his ˹eyebrows˼ to the moon, and laughs so wide that he has all those wrinkles on his chin when he’s so so amused. That weird little laugh that can be so oddly squeaky at times and is so unique to him. When he gives a short little “ha ha ha” and sounds like a jovial old man. When he says something embarrassing and his eyes become such curves and he tries so hard to hold in his laughter but it can’t help but to ˹sputter out˼. When he ˹stomps his feet˼, or claps like a seal, or ˹falls all over the place˼ / ˹into the person˼ next to him (maybe even a combination of all three) when he’s so extremely amused, and half the time no one around him is laughing nearly as much as he is. When he’s too weak to stand and falls on the floor and laughs like a toddler or crouches on the ground and hides his face because he’s too embarrassed. When he makes that soundless giggle and covers his whole face with his hands because he’s so amused but embarrassed, and shakes his shoulders lightly. Then my absolute favourite laugh that just makes him look so incredibly tiny and adorable is when he’s so softly amused and laughs the softest widest laugh and ˹scrunches his eyes˼ so so tight, and it fills my heart with so much love that it’s about to burst at the seams and overwhelms me to the point where the only way I can describe it is with !!!♡!!!♡!!!♡!!!♡!!!♡!!!♡!!!♡!!!♡!!!♡!!! x infinity because he looks so cute and fluffy :( He just has so many different kinds of laughs that it would take forever to list them, but each and every one of them is so adorably precious and unique to him, and radiates so much joy and innocence that it’d be hard to not look at him with all the fondness in the world.

HOW HE TALKS Like just about everything else about Sehun, the way Sehun talks is absolutely adorable :( His voice is matured and deep yet he has this baby tone and way of enunciating as well as an adorable teeny lisp, making everything he says either that much more adorable or softer. He sounds so cutely whiny when he talks excitedly yet so soft when serious yet so deep when casual, and when he gives little speeches for ments or awards, he masks his babier tone and sounds so grown up and confident that it makes me so fondly proud. Just listening to Sehun talk is the cutest thing but the way he does this cute little ˹noot noot˼ lips as he speaks, the way he literally looks like a ˹toddler˼ because of the way his lips do the thing, the way he always raises his eyebrows a little throughout, the way he is always using his hands to describe every little thing, the way he slowly and deliberately pronounces each word, the way he tilts his head when he’s trying to seem nonchalant or make a joke, the way he’ll softly tack on a “yes” to the end of something he says and then smile, the way he sucks in air when he’s thinking of something to say, the way he pouts and says “mmm” when he’s trying hard to think of the best word to use, the way his eyes always look up slightly as he carefully words what he’s saying in his mind, the way he always clasps his hands after he finishes making a point and nods and seems so cutely proud of himself, the way he’ll slightly smile if he doesn’t know how to finish what he’s saying and wants to move on - just the whole array of cute little habits he has when he talks makes listening and watching him talk so so endearing that I wouldn’t mind doing so forever ;;

HIS ˹EYES˼ When you simply look at Sehun’s eyes, there’s nothing too extraordinary about them, nothing that makes them stand out incredibly so in comparison to the other members who have more distinctive features. They’re just a simple almond shape, not very big, not very small - all in all just very nondescript. Yet despite that I find his eyes the most beautiful, and every time I glance at Sehun, his eyes always manage to draw me in and hold me there. It’s not so much the physical, though his eyes curve so so so prettily and sometimes look as if stars are dancing within them. But rather with how ˹soft and lovely˼ his gaze is, so that whenever I look at him my heart fills with an inexplicable warmth that not only makes me grow even more fond but is also quite honestly a bit heart fluttering ;; At other times they have this adorable ˹sparkle˼ that makes him look all the more innocent when he smiles or speaks excitedly or when he looks at things ˹curiously and blankly˼. Sometimes when he talks his eyes curve into this ˹slight little smile˼ and I don’t really know how to explain it but it makes him look like such a lovely prince ;; And I know I’ve said a few times (and will probably say it again), but just like his smile, his eyes perfectly reflect who he is at heart, so that even when he’s tired or happy or just being silly, his eyes will always always have that same lovely, innocent, and soft gaze, just as he himself is always those traits at heart, and just as those traits are the ones that I love about Sehun so much. The only time his gaze ever shifts from that softness is when he’s performing, and that’s when his eyes are filled with so much ˹intensity˼, and it’s just really lovely to see how encompassed in the performance he is ;;

(This might not sound individual to Sehun, but if you look at the other members, you’ll notice that their gazes are so distinctive to them and different from Sehun’s, and I think that makes it quite special, don’t you think?)

THE ˹MOST˼˹BEAUTIFUL˼ BOY I don’t usually talk about Sehun’s appearance as extensively as I do other things about him, but that doesn’t change the fact that for me Sehun is honest to goodness the absolute most beautiful boy ;; If this were my tags, I’d say that the universe spent eons crafting every single one of his features, that he was only made of the most beautiful specs of stardust, that the universe takes its inspiration from him but nothing it could ever fathom would ever compare, that even the stars can’t help but to smile because there is no lovelier existence, that-- But in all seriousness and without the dramatics or astrological metaphors, Sehun has the most beautiful features, the most elegant figure, and such a casual grace with which he carries himself, that whenever I look at him I always feel so overwhelmed because he is just so utterly stunning. No matter how much I try to articulate it, I don’t think any language would ever be able to encompass all that he is. Simply from the technical aspects - from Sehun’s high cheek bones and nose bridge, deep set eyes, cutely pouty lips, his sharp-but-not-too-sharp jawline, sculpted eyebrows, widow’s peak, and beautiful side profile; to his tall, lean, graceful body, wide shoulders and elegant collarbones, toned body, arms, and back, slim waist, his long legs (sans hips ;;), and perfect back profile; to his casual stride and poised posture - he’s really a work of art that sculptors and poets could only dream of. But on top of that, he has such a soft, angelic, princely aura that draws your eyes to him and leaves you speechless and in awe because how could anyone possibly be that beautiful :(

If I were to set aside the softness for one second (this is a lie - I can never set aside my softness), however! My favourite physical features of his are: his ˹nose˼ - I honestly find his nose to be the cutest thing, but at the same time it’s near-perfect and honestly quite handsome and makes his side profile even more A+ than it already is; his ˹cheeks˼ - I know they don’t look soft and round and chub to the untrained eyes and I don’t care what anyone says, but he has the squishiest cheeks that I want to pinch :(; his ˹lips˼ - just so pouty and soft and adorable :( but also have this certain shape to them that make them oddly handsome; his ˹collarbones˼ - the way they’re so elegantly set on his chest and off his shoulders is :(; how ˹toned˼ he is - I’ve always had a thing for boys whose body is lean and tone with muscles that are there but not too too defined because I find that to be an attractive balance and Sehun has just that; and his ˹legs˼ - I don’t know what it is about them but they just look so nice, and the way they have the teeniest bow at the bottom is oddly adorable to me ;; And y’know, I tried to narrow down my favourite features, until I realized that I love every single one of them but this will suffice :( I also have over 6k pictures of Sehun on my phone and finding just one to describe what I meant for each of those was a struggle but alas ;;

THE LITTLE DETAILS I love all his little beauty marks - the one on his ear, the three light ones on his eyelid, the one on his neck, and the one on his hand. But the ones I especially love are the ˹three on his left cheek˼, not only because they for some reason always draw my eyes, but because they also happen to be identical to the ˹Aries˼ constellation, and I think if that isn’t proof enough that Sehun really was kissed by the stars then I don’t know what else could possibly be ;; I love the ˹scar˼ on his right cheek because it shows a hidden story - a possibly lackluster one or something completely ridiculous, but nonetheless unique to him and therefore that much more special. I also know this will sound weird, but I find his ˹teeth˼ absolutely adorable because they make him look like a little wolf pup at times. I love when he’s sometimes a little late on shaving and you can see the teeniest amount of ˹stubble˼ (there are exactly three on his chin in fact alksjdf) because it just makes him look ever so slightly grown. I love his ˹hands˼ because of how elegant they look and how he delicately he tends to use them. I love so many little features that it’d be hard to list them all, and I know this may seem like overkill but I truly, genuinely love all the little details, because each and every thing is special and unique to him and adds its own little quirk and charm. And besides, what’s there not to love when it’s Sehun honestly ;;

P E R S O N A L I T Y —

PERCEPTION VS. REALITY Due to Sehun’s quieter nature in combination with his overwhelming visuals, people form ideas of him that tend to be quite far off from the truth. Which is understandable, if that someone has a casual interest in Sehun - or none at all - but it can’t help but to make me a bit sad at times ;; Mostly because the things that Sehun is labeled with are not only not usually what he’s really like but for the most part flatten him into a really one-dimensional character and have negative undertones to them. They tend to be things that strip him away of his maturity, intelligence, work ethic, passion, kindness, consideration, and softness, and lead people to take him less seriously. You can also tell that most of the ideas formed about Sehun are formed due to people only looking at his outer appearance and surface-level observations, and as someone who wished that people could look a bit past the surface when it comes to Sehun, it makes me sad :( He is so much more than his looks and his random quippy comments, so it can be a bit upsetting when that’s all people see of him ;;

That being said, I think that dichotomy between how people perceive him vs. who he really is was something that only ended up making me love him more. Sehun is someone who is very complex and has many layers to himself, and because of how subdued he is, being able to finally take the leap from perception to reality can be a bit hard but it’s so so so rewarding. The journey of peeling back the layers and learning more and more about Sehun as time went on was a process that made me love him exponentially more each and every single time. Every time I learned something new about him, the more I began to appreciate him for the person he is, and the more attached to him I became. And I think that’s really what’s so wonderful about being a stan of someone in general - being able to learn about and love them for who they are, and it was definitely one of the reasons my love for him strengthened over time. If you look at how I stanned him when I first saw him in 2012 vs. 2014 when I made this blog vs. 2015 when I was more used to fandom life vs. early 2016 vs. the end of 2016 vs. now, you can see just how much the way I stanned him changed and how much my love grew simply through me learning more about him. And I know that if in just one year, the amount of reasons for loving him and how much I love him increased this much (from when I posted ˹a similar thing˼ on his birthday last year), I can only imagine how much more it will grow in the future as I learn even more. And honestly, it’s just really lovely to look back at the first impressions I had of Sehun when I first saw him and all the things I know about him now, and see how different they really were and how far I’ve come, and how much more I’ll learn in the future.

SUBTLE CONFIDENCE Something I’ve grown to really love and appreciate about Sehun is how subtle he is when it comes to his confidence, be it in his looks, his dancing, or himself. I can tell that Sehun is fully aware of how handsome and attractive he is - not only in looks but in certain mannerisms - but it’s not due to him showing off or being overconfident, because he’s never been one to really do that? Besides unbuttoning his shirt and showing off his abs in their full glory on exactly one occasion, he always shies away from anything to do with his looks and confidence in general, and even when complimented he’ll shyly accept it and then shift the attention away from the topic or off of himself. Even when he’s dancing he really never does anything in particular to emphasize his aura or to make himself or the moves attractive, but rather just dances with a cool air and lets the moves and him, not anything extra, do the job. He honestly in general never does anything to truly show himself off, because he really doesn’t need to do that at all? - he just lets his confidence speak for itself. When I compare Sehun to others and their ways of expressing confidence, I’ve noticed that rather than their more outward expressions (which btw isn’t a bad thing ;;), Sehun has this subtle undertone of confidence in everything he does, but in a way that isn’t overbearing by any means, because it’s a part of who he naturally is. He doesn’t need to do certain things to show to others that he’s confident in himself because he doesn’t need to prove it to anyone. You can see that confidence and that aura exude off of him because he just is attractive, not only in appearance but in how he is. It’s laced in everything he does - in the way he stands or how he walks, in the way he looks at people or in how he speaks, in what he wears or the way he dances. That attractiveness and aura and confidence is simply a part of him - not in what he does to emphasize it but in all his natural, unforced habits and mannerisms and the way he is. And that focus on just being him, that subtlety in all that he is and all that he does, is something about him that I really love ;;

SUBTLETY IN PERSONALITY Aside from having that subtle confidence, Sehun overall has a very subdued nature and while this aspect of him can sometimes be a double-edged sword, it also happens to be an aspect of him that I really love (and also one that can make me a bit protective ;;). To most people Sehun, on short glance, probably simply comes off as someone who is quiet (though some may see it as standoff-ish), a little awkward, has a confident stance, is quite attractive, generally nice, and on occasion says some short, cutely quippy comments. While when I think to the other members, for the most part, the traits that are some of the most important parts to who they are are usually very much visible and obvious. For example: Yixing being kind, extremely generous, hardworking, and ambitious; Baekhyun being energetic and lively, passionate and hardworking, and immensely amiable in the eyes of everyone; Jongin being passionate about dancing, very softly quiet, mature, and kindhearted; and so on, just to name a few. Though of course these aren’t all the traits that make up each of the members’ selves, the things that are very noticeable in everything they do play a prominent and overwhelming part in their personalities, and they are things that most anyone who even spares a glance can see quite easily. While in Sehun’s case, even for someone who does follow EXO, even if they do know what he’s actually like, it can still sometimes feel like the traits that make up his first impression are traits that are important to who he is. 

In reality, however, the traits that do make up the core of who he is are so much more than that and so much more complex and wonderful and lovely - they just also happen to be more present in the subtle nuances of his actions and words rather than visibly at the surface, always being brought attention to. With the other members, many of their traits are extremely present in all of their actions and just the way they are, and for the most part are quite easily interpreted. However with Sehun they tend to be just a tad below the surface - not that they’re hidden, but I find that just like with his confidence, Sehun doesn’t usually bring attention to many of the parts about himself, even though they are overwhelming aspects of who he is. Sehun is someone who is incredibly generous and kindhearted, thoughtful and intelligent, mature and hardworking, humble and shy, playful and caring, and a plethora of amazing traits but I really don’t think a lot of people realize that, or at least to the extent with which they play a part in who he is. And while that can be a bit frustrating, as people so easily misinterpret him on so many occasions, it is also a part of him that I really do love because I personally find an extra beauty that comes from the subtlety in all that he is. Just as with his confidence, Sehun just focuses on being him, his beautiful, lovely, subtle him, and the people who really do care about him and love him will discover all the things that make him so wonderful at heart and love him all the more for it, just as I did.

AN ODD CHILD... Sehun tends to be either composed, calm, and collected or awkward, shy, and embarrassed a majority of the time, but every so now and then he’ll get this sudden burst of energy that fills him with this child-like spirit and he does the oddest things or is extremely hyper and it is adorable :( Be it during concerts when he acts he acts extremely playful - like hyping Suho during Lucky One or flopping around (˹literally...˼) on stage; when he makes his adorably cheeky comments or lame awkward jokes - like “˹oba(haji)ma˼” and ˹Red Velvet˼; when he makes the strangest little faces when he thinks no one’s watching; or does the most random things without any context or explanation - like wearing a ˹cowboy hat˼ in Paris two days straight or in general those odd ambiguous posts on his Instagram. It all just leaves me wondering, “Why...” but even more in love because seeing him happy and energetic and doing whatever his cute little heart desires no matter how odd, when usually he’s quite easily embarrassed and well-put together, is so so endearing and makes it all the more special ;;

ADORABLY SHY / EASILY EMBARRASSED For as tall, handsome, and subtly confident Sehun is, he is equally as tiny, adorable, and slightly awkward at heart, and seeing that difference in how he looks and what you’d expect he’d act like due do that vs. how he really is, is the absolute cutest thing ;;

➥ Shy: Sehun gets so so shy but what I find adorable is that he doesn’t just quietly and calmly shy away from things, but does it in such a way that makes him look so adorably tiny ;; Like during the ˹2016 MMAs˼ when Sehun walked out onto the red carpet a bit earlier than the rest of the members and got so awkward and shy when he saw all the cameras, he turned on his heel and walked straight back to his members like a little child ;; Or during 2017 ISAC, when the camera panned to his face to see his reaction after he scored really low marks, he got so shy and smiled the most ˹overwhelmingly adorable˼ smile it felt like my heart was about to burst at the seams :( Or during the 2017 Gaon Awards, when EXO had to go up to receive their group popularity award right after Sehun received his individual one, and you could see Sehun ˹in the corner˼ as EXO were getting out of their seats smiling so so shyly while constantly puffing up his cheeks like a little chipmunk ;; While these are only a few examples, whenever I see Sehun become so incredibly shy like that I’m always so so endeared because how can someone be that small, that teeny tiny?? :(

➥ Embarrassed: On top of being so shy, he gets embarrassed quite easily, and the way he reacts is the most adorable thing. Sometimes it’s because of something he willingly did himself, like when he did adorably lame but precious hearteus at fans and then started giggling or during the EXO-Love concert where he said he would call his fans ‘˹babies˼’ and then started laughing, twirled, and wiggled like the cutest baby :( What I love about these moments though, is that he never actually regrets what he did, because he genuinely enjoys being silly and playful, despite how utterly embarrassed he can get ;; Then there’s other times where his embarrassment becomes adorable by 10-fold because of how caught off guard he was. Like during one of their concerts when Sehun was going to show off his singing, Chanyeol ˹revealed˼ that Sehun had called him very early morning that day to ask him how he sounded, and while he was telling everyone, Sehun started smiling with such embarrassment and hid his face and slowly crouched to the ground and I just wanted to hug him because how precious is he :( And when there were the zombies dancing during the TT performance at the 2016 MMAs and Sehun was adorably ˹dying˼ from secondhand embarrassment. Or during 2017 ISAC, when Sehun ˹mistook˼ Jeonghan for Johnny, and as Jeonghan turned around, Sehun had the tiniest shocked look on his face but because he’s just that awkward, he simply walked away without even thinking because he was so embarrassed and didn’t know how to deal with what he just did ;; Just seeing Sehun be so tiny like that makes me want to treat him with all the softness and kindness in the world, because anyone who’s that much of a sweetie pie baby at heart deserves it every single bit :(

IS A BABY :( I’m gonna first preface this with one thing! During the For Life fansign, a fan had asked Sehun, “Between being called a baby or a baby chick, which one do you like better?” and he answered, “Neither, I hate both.” And I remember feeling so oddly guilty because I used to call him that relatively often just because of how adorable he unknowingly acts at times. Even though Sehun used to call himself a baby up until that point, I was worried that since fans may have been calling him that so much as of late, he might’ve felt that they weren’t taking him seriously as a mature, grown man anymore. Because of that I try to call him that less often, because even though he won’t know one bit what I’m saying ever, I still felt bad doing something that Sehun expressed he didn’t like ;; But at the same time, he really just acts so teeny tiny at times and has such baby-like tendencies without even knowing it himself, and I can’t help but to call him a baby endearingly from time to time because of that. However even though I do call him a baby - and I know I don’t truly have to clarify this but me being me will do it anyways! - it doesn’t negate all of the wonderful, mature qualities he carries in himself and the ones that I recognize and love so so much, and so I hope it doesn’t come off that way the few times I call him that ;;

But moving on! Like I said, despite being all tall and handsome the way he is, he acts so small in so many ways and it’s just so incredibly endearing ;; What makes it even more adorable is that he does it so unwittingly and oftentimes with this really absentminded, blank expression on his face, that you can tell that it’s genuinely just how he is - a very smol bean in a long, string bean body :( You can see it in the way he talks in general, with all his pouting and little mannerisms to how cutely his eyes curve and sparkle to his voice and way of enunciating itself. You can see it when he jams, how when he’s not going all out and showing off how much of a dancer he is with his little freestyle moves, he’ll usually just stand there and wiggle really absentmindedly and it’s so cute :( You can see it in all the adorable little things he did during the ˹2017 ISAC˼, from wiggling with his hyungs to mistaking his nametag for a pocket to sitting blankly and cutely all by himself. Or all those little moments during ˹Tokyo Dome˼ (fyi this video made me cry, I am awful...), from the way he ran with Kyungsoo and Chen to his little :o expression when he dropped the ball to when he leaned so close to the camera. In the way he was so adorably and softly focused on putting a water bottle inside this teeny ˹baby bag˼ so that he could give to one of the fans - I mean, look at his soft, chub cheeks when he does this :( Or that one time someone threw a ˹bubble˼ gun on stage and Sehun was playing with it with the widest smile and happiest expression on his face as if it was the most fascinating thing in the world. And when he was once in a grocery store and then just plopped the shopping basket ˹on his head˼ and walked around blankly, without a care in the world. When they were doing their rehearsals for the DMC concert and Sehun messed up the choreo and then adorable ˹waddled˼ around. How even though he towers over most of the members, he still always tries to rest his head on their ˹shoulders˼ or ˹clings˼ on to them as if he was only two feet tall. In the way he so adorably throws a ˹basketball˼, jumping so cutely and then throwing his hands back and balling his cute little fists like a toddler :( And when he went to Disneyland and wore his snapback with a Mickey Mouse headband and a princess tiara. Or when he took the ˹Vivi toy˼ and spent his last minutes on stage adorably saying, “Vivi says see you next time!” in Mandarin - though he called the fans ‘shrimps’ the first time by mistake lmao. And when he and Baekhyun found a ˹puppy Toy˼ that could walk, and as they both watched so excitedly, Chen came and kicked it over, and the offended look on Sehun’s face and the way he stomped his little feetsies is quite literally the cutest thing, do not even attempt to fight me on this! I could really go on and on but goodness, he’s just so tiny and adorable ;; Honestly, just when I think I can’t possibly love Sehun any more, he always does something adorable like this and proves me wrong, because how can I not give this boy who’s such a soft baby at heart all the love in the world :(

HIS LOVE FOR VIVI If I thought that it wasn’t possible for Sehun to be even more precious, his love for Vivi and the way he is with him proved me all sorts of wrong ;; The way Sehun talks about him, cherishes him, and treats him is honest to goodness the most adorable thing, and also proves even more to me how kindhearted Sehun is :( You can tell just how smitten and endeared with Vivi he is by the way he talked about him during his interview for the Japanese ˹ViVi˼ magazine - because of course, Sehun brought him up like the true dog dad he is. He had said that when he was in a slump because of worries related to his work, he saw Vivi in the pet store and immediately thought, “This little one will give me strength!” and after much deliberation decided to name him Vivi because it meant ‘to be alive’ (though I think he was referring to ‘vie’ meaning ‘life’ rather than alive ;; but it ok), and now whenever he’s free he spends day and night with Vivi and even sleeps with him in the same bed. Then after talking so much about Vivi, his beloved son, Sehun got so overwhelmed with emotions he literally said that he could melt because he really loves Vivi so much - even the staff said that Sehun had looked the happiest whenever he was talking about Vivi - and if that isn’t the cutest thing!! But if that isn’t enough, the fact that Sehun has any and all forms of Vivi fanmade goods kept in his house proves that he is Vivi’s No.1 fan and it is just :( He has a Vivi ˹phonecase˼, he has Vivi plushies in his room, during concerts he goes and collects himself some Vivi ˹fans˼ and even took one home with him once, and whenever fans show or give him anything Vivi related at fansigns or concerts he always lights up and it’s the cutest thing :( Not to mention that during concerts when fans throw things on stage, if he ever picks any up, he’ll play with them but when he’s exiting the stage and the doors are closing he’ll always leave the toys behind. However when it comes to Vivi toys, he takes it back with him and I just find that so endearing ;; He has so much love for Vivi in his heart, and seeing that fills my heart with even more love for him :(

What makes his love for Vivi even more adorable than it already is is the way treats Vivi as if he’s the most precious little gem in his life - which he probably is honestly ;; - and really says a lot about the kind of person Sehun is. The way he always calls Vivi a baby, “my baby,” and gets so worried and protective over him, like when Vivi bit into something and Sehun got his dad instincts into gear and immediately checked to see if Vivi was okay. Or how when he was trying to get Vivi to do tricks, and Vivi wouldn’t budge a single time and was so cutely stubborn, but Sehun never once lost his patience or looked upset or tried to force Vivi to do anything, and instead said that, “It’s okay if Vivi doesn’t know tricks, there isn’t anything important about this.” How he said that every night he prayed that Vivi would live a long, long, healthy life. The way he spammed his Instagram with all those pics of Vivi, such as when he was sleeping or lined Vivi up with all those toys, and captioned them with the most adorable things like, “My love” or “Vivi’s friends.” Or the way he literally tucked Vivi into his jacket and spent the whole day with him just walking on the beach :( He’s just so so precious when it comes to Vivi and it proves that Sehun genuinely is someone who is loving, protective, caring, patient, considerate, and kindhearted (and also that he’s going to be the absolute cutest father if he has children ;;) It really shows how deserving of all the love in the world Sehun really is, because he has so much love in his heart to give, and it makes me happy to know that I can give him even an ounce of it :(

ADORES FANS Sehun might not be as big and outright about his affection for fans in the way that some of the other members are, but that doesn’t negate the fact that he genuinely adores them so so much :( Just the way Sehun simply ˹looks˼ at fans - how his eyes widen, become so bright, and have the cutest little sparkle in them - is filled with so much adoration and fondness, and makes him simultaneously look like an adoring young child but also a loving older brother, and it’s the most adorable thing :( One of my absolute favourite instances of this was during their Nature Republic fansign in 2016, when a fan who wore a pineapple dress and a homemade ‘Sehun’ headband. The full thing is shown ˹here˼, but the way Sehun looked at her was quite simply the most enamoured, adoring gaze I have ever seen and filled with so much sweetness, it overwhelmed me and my heart, so I can only imagine how she felt ;; Then there’s also ˹this˼ video from Tokyo Dome that I had mentioned before, but you can really tell how much he adores fans in the way he so adorably waved at every single one that he possibly could, with the most smitten eyes and adoring smile, and as you already know I cried watching this video because do you see how precious :( 

The way he always crouches down during concerts and waves to fans, takes selfies, handed out candies individually instead of throwing randomly, played ˹rock, paper, scissors˼ to tease the fans, cheekily talks to fans as if they’re close friends, asked a fan on his own prerogative if she wanted his hat and then put it on her head ˹himself˼ or when he ˹smiled˼ so sweetly at the fan that shyly kept looking at him - all sorts of little things that may seem nondescript individually, but when you add them all up and how often he does them, really shows how much he absolutely adores them :( Then there’s some of the more outright things he does for fans that endear me even more ;; Sehun gets embarrassed really easily because of how much of an awkward bub he is, but he still always does the most adorable things, like giving fans a million hearteus with the cutest smile and at the most random times and blowing them little kisses. What I love about those moments, though, other than how incredibly shy he gets after, is that he didn’t use to do these things as much in the past, but now he does them with so much frequency and any chance he gets, that you can really see how much fondness and appreciation for fans he’s grown in his heart :( In addition to that, during one of their concerts, Sehun had said that he wanted to show fans his singing side, and I found that so sweet of him because he gets so so shy when he sings, and tends to be really nervous and un-confident when he needs to, but you could tell that he sincerely wanted to sing for fans nonetheless and that he practiced so hard (even calling Chanyeol at night to ask him how he sounded), and I just thought that was adorable :( Then there’s the fact that he’s working so hard to learn Mandarin so that he can interact with his Chinese fans (the ones he has the most of), and I think for someone to learn a whole new language for their fans truly says a lot ;;

I also love when Sehun had said that fans shouldn’t ever feel bad if they’re not able to buy one album, let alone multiple, because he said that EXO will be fine nonetheless, and he would rather the fans spent that money on themselves, friends, and family. And I just thought that was so sweet of him, because people love to look down on fans by saying that their favourite idols don’t care about them and only see them as ‘ATMs’. While of course there are some idols that really do only see their fans like that, seeing Sehun say so outright that he would rather fans spend on themselves than on EXO proves that he genuinely does care for fans. However it isn’t in just the things that you see Sehun do on stage, but the fact that even during his free time he’s always interested in what the fans are up to - by liking fans’ posts, even if it’s things as simple as saying, “I love you” or how happy they were to get his photocard, memes..., replies to them, and even posts things such as fanart, fantakens, or gifs - shows how genuinely he adores them. Lastly, Sehun is always happy and energetic during their concerts in general, but I’ve noticed that he’s always filled with 10x more energy, silliness, smiles and laughter when the venue allows them to be really close to fans, so that he’s able to interact with them, smile to them, and wave at them so much more, and I think it really does show that the fans are a source of happiness for him and that he genuinely loves being around them, and if that isn’t the most precious thing and shows that he loves us as much as we love him, then I don’t know what is :(

IMPORTANCE OF LOYALTY AND RELATIONSHIPS One thing I think most anyone who knows Sehun knows about him is just how important loyalty is to him, and even the members always mention Sehun as being the most loyal of them all. This importance he holds towards loyalty and relationships in general is evident in so many of the things he does and says, and it always makes me so so endeared because it reflects just how soft and kindhearted he really is ;;

➥ Loyalty: You can see his sense of loyalty in the way he loves all of the members, be it from the way he wrote them each a mini letter when he didn’t even have to, in how much he cares for and supports them be it openly or behind the scenes, and the way he so obviously adores all of them. You can see it in the way he so genuinely loves the EXO as a whole, be it back in 2013 when he cried and so preciously wished that all of them didn’t fight and would stay together forever (;;;;;) or in how he always uploads those adorable group pictures with the cutest captions that just reiterates that being together with all the boys is when he is the happiest. But he isn’t like this for the members only, but for everyone he knows and has built a relationship with. I remember in 2015 on Teachers’ Day, Sehun took the time and went to visit all of his older teachers, whom he hadn’t seen in years. Or in 2016, one of the stores he frequented a lot was holding a store opening, and Sehun had gone to the location all dressed up and ready only for him to be told that he came on the wrong day. However, he still made the effort and took the time to go back and make sure to attend on the right day, all despite his busy schedule with all the filming, concerts, and promotions and just how exhausted he must’ve been, added to the fact that he had already spent the time to go the previous day. And I just found that so so endearing because you can see just how important being loyal to the people in his life is to him, no matter long ago they were part of it or how big a part they played. Because to him, when he was asked, “When do you feel someone takes a great importance in your life?” he said that he feels it everyday, no matter who they are. And I think his ability to hold everybody who has helped him or been a part of his life in one way or another important to him and to always do a best to stay loyal to them, is so incredibly lovely ;;

➥ Relationships: In addition to loyalty, Sehun genuinely loves building and strengthening relationships with others, and also shows that having those deep connections with people, rather than shallow ones, is incredibly important to him. When he was asked to talk about one thing each in “something good in the old” and “something good in the new” he had mentioned relationships in both, saying that whenever he looked back he’d always come across new things he learned and fond memories and affections from all the relationships he’d formed, saying that those relationships are what holds the greatest importance to him. And when it came to the new, the process of meeting new people, learning from them, and deepening those relationships was something that he looked forward to doing the most. He had even said that the moment in which he feels the most “adult-like” is when an understanding is reached between the people he cares for, and I think that really shows how essential the people around him, and the relationships he has with them, are to who he sees himself as and his growth as a person. Something that really solidified how much he cherishes his friendships, and also made me so incredibly endeared, was when he said that his greatest fear was to be caught lying, even if it was a white lie, because that means that there would be a loss of faith between him and someone he really cares for. And I think the fact that this was the one thing he was scared of the most, and would therefore do anything to prevent, shows just how lovely and genuine at heart he is, and makes me love him all the more for it ;;

CARING Despite how some people see Sehun, he really is someone who is genuinely caring. You can see this side of him in how he supports and cheers for the members both openly and behind the scenes. From the way he went to Suho’s movie premier, but because he couldn’t make it on the actual premiere due to filming for his own movie, he went right after he was done filming late at night, or in how he sent a food truck to the set of Kyungsoo’s movie in support or even went to surprise him flowers during his press conference. Or in how Jongin, Chanyeol, and Suho had all said that the one person who had helped them out the most when it came to practicing their lines and acting was Sehun, and when Suho had said that Sehun had called him and said that he was lonely at home without him but adorably and excitedly wished him the best. You can see it in how he softly takes care of the members when they’re hurt or else-wise, such as when he escorted and supported Xiumin from the red carpet or when he patted Jongin’s back mid-performance when he was struggling to breath or when he ran to give Jongin company when he had to stay seated, or when Suho was doing his V app episode, and Sehun wanted to fight the rude commenters, but because he held himself back he told Suho to not pay attention to them at all, and the list could honestly go on. I even remember when he was asked once what he would wish for, he said that if he could have one thing then it would be the ability to heal all the members when they’re in pain, tired, worried or stressed out, and he had said it with the softest expression on his face that you could tell that seeing his members in any kind of pain genuinely made him sad. In addition to that, he genuinely loves learning and experiencing new things (something I’ll mention in depth later), however he doesn’t just enjoy those things for himself, but also because he felt that through learning these things he could share what he learned with others and help those around him. His desire for caring for and helping others was made even more evident in the fact that he had said that if he was to be born in a household with 9 siblings, he would want to be the oldest so that he could look after them, or that he’ll always tell his members to ‘make use’ of him because he wants to be able to help them, or even in how he told fans to always be considerate and kind to one another. And god, I just found that so so lovely because you can tell that despite him being the youngest and people seeing him as someone playful and immature at times, that he really genuinely has one of the softest, purest, kindest, most caring hearts and it just makes me fall in love with him more :(

THOUGHTFUL / CONSIDERATE A trait that I value a lot in people is their ability to be considerate, not only in terms of the bigger actions that are quite easily noticeable but in the little things as well, that can sometimes go unseen because of how subtle they are that you don’t always realize that it involved any consideration to begin with, because I think it shows just how innate and core that trait is to the person. And what’s wonderful about Sehun is that he is exactly that, and you really can see that he carries that consideration towards others, be it to those who are close to him or those who are not, in everything he does.

➥ Thoughtful: Among other things of course, one of the things that really proved to me how far his thoughtfulness extended was when he was filming for both Catman and My Dear Archimedes, the staff always had stories of all the things that Sehun would do for them - be it bringing them coffee on his first day of filming and ˹bringing them snacks˼ on their last to bringing in whole food support trucks for all of the staff to treat them from time to time, to taking photos and giving autographs ˹graciously˼ and with a smile, to giving his female lead his chair to sit on when she was tired and there was nowhere else to sit, to remembering one of their staff’s ˹graciously˼ and despite his own exhaustion, personally got him a birthday cake to surprise him on that day. These of course are only some examples of many, not only on set but of elsewhere, but even through knowing just a few of the things he does you can really tell how genuine his actions are - that these aren’t just things he did once or twice but things he’s so used to and willing to do because that’s just who he is.

➥ Considerate: However it isn’t only in those more obvious things that you can see how considerate Sehun is but in the smaller things, too. You can tell that Sehun really does his best not to hurt anyone, and will always be careful with every single one of his actions and words because he knows that what he says or does can affect other people. And if by chance he really does something that rubs someone the wrong way, no matter how minor or ridiculous it may seem to others, he will always apologize and promise to be careful in the future. I remember when he was so excited to appear in BoA’s “Who Are You” music video because it was his first time doing something like that on his own, and on his Instagram, he posted a picture because he was so excited and kept replying excitedly to fans. But when he found out that people were upset about it, he deleted his picture and said that he was sorry and that he wouldn’t do such things again to prevent anyone from getting upset in the future. Or when he just landed back in Seoul from a concert overseas and uploaded a video of the good weather expressing how happy he was about it, when people said that it was rude of him because there was damage from an earthquake in Busan, he deleted his post and apologized for that as well. In both cases neither of what he did was in any way his fault, but rather than questioning or ignoring it, he immediately acknowledged that people were hurt by his actions, no matter what he or others thought about it. And I think that his immediate response to apologize for that and fix his actions, rather than anything else, shows how considerate he really is, and that he really does value others’ feelings above anything else.

➥ Gracious and Polite: However it’s not only those more noticeable things he does that I love, but his little mannerisms, too, and seeing how gracious and polite he is to absolutely everyone. I remember when I was watching the Yummy Yummy episodes in which Sehun and Jongin were guests, I kept noticing how gracious and lovely Sehun was the whole time despite being adorable, cheeky, and witty as well. The way he would always respond to the hosts or talk to them in general or the gestures and small actions he did were so lovely to see because I could tell that no matter what situation, holding that sort of grace and consideration was important for him and came so naturally to him, and it was honestly so endearing. Another example that always pops into my mind (once again, one of many) is when he was being ˹interviewed˼ for the SBS Gayos in 2015 and he was just so incredibly lovely during it, even though it was so short and you could tell how exhausted he was, and I don’t know how to describe it into words but just the way he was during that little snippet made him look so soft and gracious and it honestly overwhelmed my heart (and also made me sad because he looked so tired ;;). Even the staff on set for both Catman and My Dear Archimedes were always praising him for how polite and down-to-earth he was despite being someone who was higher profile, and there were so many accounts of him being so kind to everybody. Hearing and seeing so many instances of him always being this gracious to everyone he meets makes my heart swell with so much pride and fondness, and it’s really comforting to know that I can give all my love to someone who’s beautiful inside and out.

GENUINE This can honestly be said about all the EXO members, but I love how genuine Sehun feels and is. I know a lot of people like to say that idols are putting on an image for fans and that what they show isn’t always real, and of course to some extent that’s true. But I genuinely believe that all of the things that Sehun shows us on stage - the things he says, the way he talks, how embarrassed he gets, how kind and humble he is, just everything that I’ve learned about him simply through what I see - are things that genuinely are a part of him, and not something that he does for show. It’s not just because I’ve grown this attached to him or am biased but when I look at how Sehun acts and what he says, it’s something that I really don’t think can be faked? I think it comes from the fact that Sehun is so down-to-earth and quiet, how he doesn’t really do anything loud or boisterous just for show, how the things he says are always so well-thought out, how he can be so innocently awkward and easily embarrassed at times and can’t even hide it, how he never says things just for the sake of it or to do some kind of fanservice - just so so many things that I’ve mentioned already and will mention in the future. It’s honestly really hard to explain orz, but I really think that if you truly pay attention to Sehun to see all of the things that make him him, you’ll realize how genuine he is, because you can see all those little bits of his personality intertwined in the subtle nuances of all of his mannerisms, words, and just the way he acts is. I just love that everything that he does, says, and makes him who he is, aren’t things that are done for show or to prove his worth to anyone or to strategically gather fans, but are just him being him - he doesn’t change who he is just for the stage and that’s something that is easy to see.

But apart from just the feeling of being genuine that he gives off, you can really see it in so many things and how the people who are close to him or have even only been around him for a short time talk about him. I remember someone talking about Sehun’s old Cyworld posts, and I just thought it was so cute because Cyworld is a site where people tend to be really crude and rude, however all of the messages that were found of Sehun’s were of him just being adorable and cheeky and telling everyone to be nice and not insult each other. And I just thought it really showed that Sehun genuinely is a kind person, because even when he was a child, even when his environment was surrounded by negativity, he was still just as adorable as ever, and he remains the same to this day, which really just shows that he’s not faking how good his heart really is ;; On top of that, all of his members treat him so fondly and softly and dote on him so much, in such a way that you can really tell how lovely he is :( But even outside of EXO, the people who have had to work with Sehun or have only met Sehun for a brief amount of time only ever have the nicest things to say and shower him with so many praises both for his work ethic and gracious personality. Every single person who ever crosses his path is always enamoured by how lovely he really is, and that proves to me even more that he doesn’t just act the way he does on stage, but everyday, everywhere he goes, and with everyone he meets. I also love how Sehun never really says things for the sake of saying them, because if he doesn’t genuinely mean something he won’t say it to begin with, and I really appreciate that? And even if he says something that is slightly ridiculous and clear fanserves, he gets so so embarrassed of himself after that it’s adorable ;; Although he really hasn’t done anything like that in the last few years, which proves to me even more that everything he says is genuine. His words are also usually so softspoken and well thought out or plain adorable and awkward that you really can tell that it isn’t staged or some standard script that’s been said by many people hundreds of times before, and I love that :( He might not always be the most witty or funny and his ments might be extremely random, but I know that it’s just him and I really love that. Now of course Sehun isn’t perfect, and there’s parts of him that we don’t see and parts of him that are flaws, but I genuinely believe that Sehun is truly a good, kind, warm, considerate, intelligent, humble person at heart and that I can trust him to be just that without any mask. And the fact that I can trust him to be those things makes me feel more safe to give him all my love because he genuinely deserves it :(

HUMBLE Despite what quite a few people seem to think, Sehun is actually very humble about himself. When it comes to himself, his abilities, achievements, and improvements, Sehun’s never really been the type to bring attention to them. He sometimes even does it to the point where if you don’t really pay attention you won’t notice it’s there. Not to say his improvements or achievements or abilities are minor - quite the opposite really - but he’s just so quiet about it that people tend to let it slip under their radar and assume that it was always there to begin with. And even though that sometimes makes me sad, because I wish people really did notice how hard Sehun works, at the same time I love that quiet humility he has. He pays attention to what people have to say and takes criticisms well, and works on improving those areas behind the scenes. He does it so thoroughly and gradually and without any fanfare, and to watch that smooth transition in his improvements and the humility with which he handles it is just really wonderful. He hardly ever compliments himself, or even shows off be it with his dancing, personality, or his looks, and I think his ability to acknowledge all the good in him and be proud of himself, while also staying humble, is very integral to who he is.

In addition to that, he’s really quite bashful. He isn’t the type of person who loves to be the absolute center of attention (unless completely necessary ofc, then he takes it in stride), so whenever he's the topic of conversation or is being drawn attention to, he always gets so shy. He also really never lets the attention linger on him. If complimented he’ll either smile softly and shake his head or he’ll start fidgeting a little and try to act like he didn’t fully hear / try to hide how happy the compliment made him. Other times he’ll acknowledge what’s being said (in a very calm, cutely agreeing way) or he’ll sit quietly (which sometimes people seem to mistaken as him being cheekily confident) to ensure that the attention doesn’t stay on him for too long, since if he doesn’t indulge then everyone will move on. Sometimes I wish he’d let himself get complimented and bask in the praises people give him, but at the same time it’s honestly so so endearing and one of my favourite traits of his, as well as one of the things that goes to show how small and lovely he really is at heart.

KNOWS WHO HE IS, WHAT HE’S CAPABLE OF, AND WHAT HE WANTS Something that I love about Sehun and really appreciate about him in ways words can’t fully describe is just how much of his own person he is? It’s something that’s always made me oddly proud of him, and I think also shows that he truly is confident in himself. But not in an obnoxious way, rather in a way that really makes him happy and motivates him for his future, while still being incredibly humble and bashful. What really struck me the most was when he was asked who his role model is and he had answered that he didn’t have one specific role model. That he found that there was something to learn from everyone around him, that they all had traits that he could look up to and idolize, and that he felt that being able to recognize the good in others and find the good in yourself through that was how he looked at life and growth. Seeing that rather than trying to emulate a specific individual or two, he would look up to the best in everyone and work on being the best version of himself, was really interesting because it was honestly the first time I had really seen anyone answer in that way? And it honestly was something really lovely to hear and made me happy because I could tell that he really was content with who he was, because sometimes he’s so quiet about his talents, goals, hard work, and all the things that make him so perfectly him that it’s hard to tell, but that at the same time he was always looking forward to growth and willing to improve himself, and it just made me so so proud :(

I think because of that, because of him knowing who he is and being confident in himself, while still always looking for ways to grow, it’s also helped him learn what exactly he’s capable of and given him the motivation to work towards goals he’s set for himself due to that. But rather than aggressively working towards those goals, he instead is someone who in a sense goes with the flow - he lets himself experience and learn things at his own pace, and takes the time to figure himself out so he knows how best to move forward. And I think that’s something that is really evident in how he’s grown as an idol, considering he never really had thoughts to be one in the first place. You could see that right from the get-go, in the fact that he was scouted off the streets and had no previous dance experience, but through becoming a trainee and slowly growing into himself and that eagerness to learn, he naturally fell into being the dancer in the group - ofc with no shortage of hard work ;; And despite people constantly... constantly... doubting that he is, I can see that there is no doubt in his mind that he really does love to dance and wants to continually improve himself, regardless of the bias people have set against him. You can also see it in the fact that for quite a long time he never really expressed what his goals through being an idol were, but through becoming more comfortable with his new idol life and slowly exploring and experiencing new things and learning about himself through that, he finally was able to confidently say that his main two desires were to be a model and an actor. And I remember when I first saw him say that, I was just really happy for him because I could tell that he really deliberated on what exactly he wants and what exactly he was capable of, and it might’ve taken him a few years to get there, but seeing him so confident and set on those new goals was just really lovely to see. 

Even more so on the topic of him moving with the flow, you can tell that he doesn’t feel hindered by obstacles and forks-in-the-path that he might encounter along the way. But rather it’s quite the opposite, because time and time again whenever he’s been asked between the clear, straight path vs. the more dynamic one, he will always choose the latter because he knows that despite it being tough, he would rather go through it and grow from those experiences, because he feels that it would only benefit his future and help him learn about himself. Even when he was asked about his earliest memory, he talked about when he was young and played this one arcade game (to the point where he was no.1 in his town ;;), and mentioned that he had to use the ₩100 coin, which was a very big amount at that age, but because it was one that he had earned through his own efforts, he cherished what he earned through it even more. And when asked between the past, present, or future being more important, he said that he never really considered anything such as the present because every second and minute gone by is already in the past and so he must continue looking into the future. Or that his favourite time of day is the complete dawn because it’s when it’s the most quiet and he can really think about his life, future, desires, and worries. And goodness, even through writing this all out it made me realize that despite how calmly he goes through life and that even though he just goes with the flow and doesn’t aggressively attack his goals, he is every bit as ambitious and hardworking as anybody, though many people may not realize it. The way he approaches his goals and the way he sees himself and the way he looks forward to life with such a softly eager and open mind fills my heart with so much pride and warmth. And it really shows that despite how soft, adorable, and baby-like he can be at times, he is every bit as mature and I just find it really lovely ;;

INTELLIGENT / INSIGHTFUL One of the things that pleasantly surprised me - not because I never thought he had it in him but rather the extent to which he had it - was just how intelligent he was? I don’t mean in the sense of being book smart but more so the way his mind works and how insightful his way of thinking is. The number one catalyst for me gaining this whole new perspective on Sehun was his interview for the EX’ACT album (˹Part 1˼ /  ˹Part 2˼ /  ˹Part 3˼) because his answers to every question were so well thought out and incredibly unique, and it really shows his perspective on life, and it was honestly so so fascinating? This interview will also be referenced throughout this post because I gained a whole new appreciation for the traits I already knew and loved through it ;;

But one thing that I truly learned about Sehun from this interview was his passion of learning and experiencing new things? I knew that he loved adventure, but seeing that it wasn’t only for the thrill of it all but rather for him to gain new learning experiences was so lovely. Whenever asked a question that involved choosing the known, easy, comfortable path vs. the new, hard, unexplored path, he would always choose the latter because he loved the idea of being able to learn new things and most importantly lead a dynamic life through it. And when asked if he could have a doppelgänger, what would he be like, he said that he wished he was the complete opposite, because he felt that through that he could learn so many new ways of thinking and logic and him and his doppelgänger could learn from each other. Or when he was asked what role he would want to take if he was born in a household with 9 siblings, he had said the oldest because even if it was tiring and hectic, being able to take care of all the things you need to do despite that would be really satisfying. Seeing him so excited about the prospect of learning new things and gaining new experiences, not only for the bigger perspective but also for the little things he’d learn on the way, was incredibly endearing and showed just how eager his outlook on life is, and really reflected a lot about who he is. It’s hard to explain in words orz, and there’s so many things he said in the interview that I could go on and on about, and will during this whole post, but I feel that reading his interview would allow everyone to gain the same appreciation for this side of him as I have ;;

However, the last thing I would like to point out from this interview, is the way in which he worded all of his thoughts as well? I remember getting an ask from someone once that described the way he talked as being “realistically poetic” and I thought it was the perfect way to describe it because that really was what it was ;; I think that the true meaning of what he was saying was lost a bit in translation and would’ve had its most impact in Korean, but I think that really goes to show how intelligent and unique his way of thinking is. Something that is hard to describe in words and transcends any form of language because of how complex yet simple and insightful it really is, and it was just so extremely wonderful to learn about this whole new side of him. I don’t think a lot of people give Sehun enough credit for how intelligent he really is. He sometimes gets labelled as immature and the image that some of his fans or people in general have or perpetuate of him is that of his thoughts being vacuous. But this interview really goes to show that people couldn’t have been more wrong, and not only was I endeared by everything he said, but I really gained a new appreciation for the kind of person he is. He’s just such a complex person with so many intricate thoughts and a beautiful way of looking at life, and while it isn’t one that I personally connect with, it’s something that really made me grow to love him more ;;

LOVE FOR TRAVEL This isn’t a huge factor, but it is something that I find really endearing about him, and it’s just how much he loves to travel ;; But not only because he loves to see where his little adventures take him and to give him opportunities to gain new experiences, learn about new cultures, and meet new people, but because of the simple reason of how genuinely he really enjoys it. Plus seeing him spam his Instagram with all sorts of (slightly vague and attempts to be aesthetic) pictures of his travels, all the new things he saw, and how excited he is to share it with everyone is honestly just really adorable :( And it makes me feel like, despite how introverted and anxious I really am, I would go with him anywhere because he’s just such a happy, free-spirited, easygoing bean :( I feel like I should end this with something deep, but honestly he’s just really adorable and seeing something as simple as going out randomly and eating at a rest stop with friends makes him happy is the most endearing thing :(

HOW MUCH HE’S GROWN One of the best parts about stanning someone is seeing how much they’ve grown over the years, not only in terms of their career but as a person themselves. EXO as a whole have of course become a lot less awkward compared to when they debuted, but looking at Sehun’s growth as a person is just really rewarding and makes me so so proud. When they debuted, Sehun was so incredibly shy and awkward and he always tried to hide as much as possible, trying not to be in the spotlight and if he was thrust into it, then he’d laugh awkwardly and almost shrink himself and just be so teeny tiny that you’d want to keep him safe in your pocket. He seemed so lost and confused and in awe of this new world that he was a part of and it was adorable seeing his eyes so bright with wonder, smile so full of innocence, and mannerisms so incredibly awkward. But as the years have gone by, Sehun has become so much more comfortable with who he is and he’s really grown into himself? The way he carries himself now is so different than it was before, and rather than being tiny and awkward and waddling around he walks with such confidence and this air of knowing who he is and what he wants. And he really does know what he wants and how he works to approach it, as I mentioned before, and seeing him filled with such purpose and direction, having finally found his own interests and passions, and how hard he works towards them and to improve, is just really wonderful to see and makes me so so happy for him. Now he’s gotten so many more lines in songs, has continued to receive so many solo/dance-line dancing opportunities, and received acting rolls and popularity awards on his own and it’s just really nice to see how he’s growing in his career through this new found direction with where he wants to go, the support he’s gained from fans, and of course his own hard work.

Not to mention that he’s become so much more mature and grown in general, and that while he might be the youngest in the group he carries a huge sense of responsibility on his shoulder and doesn’t shy away from leading, even if it’s behind the scenes. The members themselves have said that Sehun is someone who helps the group come to quick decisions during hard times and have even said that Sehun is like a glue to the whole group. And I think that really says a lot about how much effort he pours into EXO and the importance he puts in taking an active role in it as well, not just as a contributing member but as someone who helps give the group shape, direction, and energy. He also does his best to stay strong for the group and like a rock, but you can tell how soft he is inside. I remember during his speech for the 2016 MAMAs, he talked with such confidence and fluidity, but once he was done he ˹hid˼ behind the members and you could see that he was trying so hard to ˹hold in˼ his tears, and once he was able to he walked back to the front and waved to the fans, and it was so overwhelmingly lovely that it made me simultaneously both upset and proud ;;

I just love seeing how much he’s changed and grown into himself, and that while he’s still awkward and shy and easily embarrassed, he’s gained so much confidence to be able to take the spotlight on his own while still having so much humility. It’s something that I can trace just through watching the ways in which he’s carried himself over the years while giving award speeches, which sounds odd but you can really tell a lot? He used to always be so awkward and would hide and shy away from having to give speeches and would only do so when his other members coaxed him into giving them. And when he would give them he’d always be so awkward and shy and not really know what to say while having this cute little smile on his face the whole time. But then during the 2014 MAMA speeches, when Suho was about to start off their speech after receiving the Artist of the Year award, Sehun had quietly come to the front and without even saying a word he gave this look to Suho who softly let him take the mic. And while Sehun didn’t say much other than a few words, his eyes were so full of tears and his voice was a little tight because he was holding them in, and you could see just how overcome with emotions he was it was really touching. And you could tell that Suho didn’t expect Sehun to do that because in the past he’d always shy away, so seeing him do that really showed how much he had grown up in those two years. And then you come to his 2016 MAMA speech where Sehun once again took the mic without a hint of shying away, only this time he had spoken so softly but with such confidence and resolution, saying each of his words deliberately and meaningfully, and giving quite a long speech, more than he’s ever said before, and you could see just how comfortable with himself he’s now grown. 

Seeing that progression from Sehun being shy and awkward and always hiding, to finally understanding the weight of all that he’s doing and learning how to take it in stride, to someone who knows where he is and where he wants to go and how he’s going to get there and being so confident, humble, hardworking, intelligent and kind, makes me excited to see where he’ll go next and proud to see how far he’s come. It’s made me learn so much more about him and appreciate him for all that he is and given me so many more reasons to love him, and I only know it’ll keep growing like this in the future.

ALL THE LITTLE THINGS  Even more so than with his physical features, all of the little things he does are so so special to me, no matter how tiny and insignificant they seem. They’re all a part of him and they all, in their little ways, reflect who he is, and because of that I can’t help but to love and be endeared by every single one :( I love how when he’s left to his own devices he just starts fidgeting around a little like a small child. Or the fact that 90% of the time you look at him, his mouth is just hanging open and I really don’t know why but nonetheless he looks so cutely blank and lost :( I love when he talks and is being so expressive that his eyebrows are just flying all over the place, or even when he just stares at something really intensely or confusedly and they furrow in the most adorable way. I love how much he loves his V-sign pose, so much so that when he went to Paris Fashion Week he did it in every single photo to the point where his manager told him to ˹stop˼ (but he couldn’t help himself and did it in his pocket). I love that he absolutely ˹cannot˼ wink but rather just scrunches his face and blinks off beat, and yet at times he tries ˹so hard˼ to anyways and ends up looking adorable :( I love the :[ face (dubbed ˹turtle face˼ by me) he makes, either ˹absentmindedly˼ or in this weird ˹little smile˼, because he just looks so small and his cheeks get so squishy :( I love how he looks like a little kitten when he sticks his ˹tongue out˼, ˹bites˼ his lower lip, ˹looks up˼ with the brightest eyes, and even in how he ˹rubs˼ his eyes - though he incidentally is scared of cats orz. And even though he looks adorable and beautiful always, and has some of the best skin I’ve seen, whenever he gets a little pimple, he always tries his hardest to hide it, though he isn’t very subtle about it ;; Or when he gets a little shy when attention is brought on to him he rubs his ear. And how even when he’s not drinking water he’s always ˹puffing˼ up his cheeks like a baby chipmunk, which he also sometimes does out of shyness. I love when he’s giving speeches he always ˹clasps˼ his hands in front of him in the most polite way, but then when he gets nervous and wants to seem confident he puts them on his ˹hips˼. And when he makes a joke how he’ll always say it nonchalantly but then as soon as he sees people laughing at what he said, he smiles so slightly but so proudly :( Or the fact that whenever he says bye-bye he ends up saying ˹bba-bba˼ instead, and it always upsets me so much because god could he get any cuter :( I could honestly go on and on because there are so many little things I love that it’d be hard to list them all (though you know I’m going to try anyways ;;) and I know that whenever I see him I’m bound to notice something new. But I think it would really be an understatement to say that I genuinely do love all the things that make Sehun him, no matter how obvious or small, because they’re all a part of him, and he is who I love :(

T A L E N T S   /   I N T E R E S T S   /   W O R K   E T H I C —

DANCING I could talk forever about what makes Sehun such a great dancer, but because I have so many things I want to say they all tend to get jumbled together, so //fingers crossed// that this all comes out right orz. Now I know that there - for whatever reason - is a lot of debate on whether Sehun can dance and should even be considered a dancer. But honestly despite any flaws he might have as one and areas he needs to improve on, there has never been even a shadow of a doubt in my mind that Sehun is talented in dancing and that he is part of the dance line and is a dancer.

➥ Why He Can Dance: Whenever I see people say that Sehun can’t dance, I always wonder if they’ve looked at a person who actually can’t dance, because if they have they would realize that Sehun most definitely is not one of them. There’s several things that Sehun has that sets him apart from the non-dancers, and I’ll expand on these more later but! Sehun has incredible technique that allows him to dance each move with such accuracy, allowing him to hit every single move the exact way it should while still infusing his own style into them so that it doesn’t look textbook. He also has amazing control over his body and it’s what ensures that none of his moves look sloppy and keeps him so perfectly on beat no matter how fast it is. His lines are also all so elegant but sculpted and adds this extra element of sharpness and precision to each of his moves. He pays attention to all the little details in a dance and is the member with the best footwork (something even Jongin himself said), and it’s what allows him to add personal touches to the choreography and to mold each move so that it matches the song rather than doing something standard. He also knows where and how to exert power into a move so that it doesn’t sacrifice the move and the performance itself, which I think is something that is incredibly important for an actual dancer to have. Not to mention he has an actual distinguishable and unique style that belongs to him and is something that translates into solos and dance line performance opportunities, and separates him from someone who can simply dance to a prescribed choreography. 

Which brings me to my other point, the fact that he actually receives solo and dance line performances - something that someone who isn’t a dancer and can’t dance wouldn’t receive, because the professionals that work within the company and know the members’ capabilities know that they wouldn’t be able to handle it, and yet here Sehun is, consistently receiving them. Not to mention that during group performances, especially during their EXO’rdium concerts in which they usually split into groups where Sehun, Jongin, and Yixing each ‘lead’ a sub group, and really just in general, when you look at Sehun dancing with non-dancer members, you can really tell that Sehun is someone who truly knows what he’s doing. When comparing them to Sehun, you can see that they lack a lot of that same technique, control, eye for detail and individual style, and aren’t able to accurately keep up with the beat of the song/Sehun. However, when Sehun joins Jongin and Yixing - while they all have individual styles - there’s such a beautiful harmony and consistency between them, and you can really tell why they’re set apart from the rest. I think one of the best examples of what exactly I mean is during their performance of ˹Transformer˼. And in the end, if the members themselves agree that Sehun can dance, if the professionals within the company agree that Sehun can dance, if those who know dance/are dancers agree that Sehun can dance, if the people who attend their concerts say that they were amazed by how well Sehun can dance, and if my own eyes can see that Sehun can dance - then Sehun truly is talented in dancing and deserves his title of being a dancer.

➥ His Style: While Sehun actually isn’t my favourite dancer in EXO in terms of styles (that’s Yixing), I really enjoy the way he dances, and whenever I watch him my heart always swells with so much pride and love because I really love seeing him and all the things that make him such a great dancer. One thing I love about Sehun’s dancing is just how technically on point it is, and with how much accuracy Sehun executes all the moves. The amount of control he has over his body plays a huge part in this because it ensures that none of Sehun’s move are ever really sloppy (save for some cases, but that is for later) and are incredibly on beat. And that’s something that is really enjoyable to watch when there are faster-paced choreos and/or more pronounced beats in a song and Sehun moves so perfectly in time with each and every single one of them while still maintaining the integrity of the move, something you could really see in his performance of ˹Beats˼. If you lack that control, staying on beat tends to sacrifice the quality of the move itself, but this never is the case with Sehun. So for someone who enjoys technical dancers/dances over theatrical/performance based ones such as myself, it’s something about Sehun’s style that I really appreciate. He also has this elegant grace to his moves but at the same time is very sharp and angular, which - while isn’t suited for all genres - is oddly satisfying to watch and adds this cool air to each of the moves. And that cool and casual but subtly powerful aura that Sehun has when he dances, allows him to make the moves look attractive and eye-catching without actually altering or exaggerating the move itself - an ability of his that I honestly love to bits ;; While he is sharp, Sehun also has this really nice element of fluidity and smoothness when it comes to certain moves, and I think the best example of this is during his 2017 Gaon ˹solo˼. The control he has over his body and the elegance of his lines are also something that make his body rolls and chest pops both smooth but extremely technical and it’s something that’s really enjoyable to watch in choreographies such as Artificial Love, Thunder, and One and Only, just to name a few. And I know that most people tend to enjoy really expressive facial expressions while dancing, but I love that Sehun focuses most of that intensity in his gaze and subtle expressions because it adds to that same casual but powerful aura that is so uniquely his. That subtlety is something, as I mentioned earlier, that really shows how confident and skilled Sehun is at dancing and I find it really rewarding to watch.

One thing that I love the most about how he dances however is just how in tune with the moves and the song he is and it’s something that I see in a lot of how he carries himself while dancing. What I’ve noticed among some of the others’ when they dance is that some of the expressions, mannerisms, and amount of power exerted into the moves is somewhat standard (meaning that it isn’t matched to the song, but the same no matter what performance) and a little planned. And while that’s of course not a bad thing as it ensures that their performance isn’t bland or expressionless, what I love about Sehun’s style is that he makes sure to mold every aspect of the choreography and each individual move to the song. Rather than planning out what expressions to make and what mannerisms to do, he just lets it come naturally through him, allowing his moves and expressions to be really organic. It’s just really nice to watch him dance in such an unforced way, to see how everything just naturally comes to him, and it once again allows the moves to speak for themselves and his confidence and aura to shine through without needing any form of enhancement or exaggeration. To be more specific, though, starting with his facial expressions, while some might think it’s a little bland, I really do love how simply he expresses himself and that while his expressions might be softer, his gaze is always so intense. It once again adds to his casual aura and natural execution of the moves, and I also love that he isn’t forcing expressions just for the sake of making them and doing what he finds the most comfortable and suitable for the performance. In terms of exerting power, rather than using up energy and exaggerating moves simply for the sake of making the moves look more powerful - which can oftentimes be misplaced and can make the moves look sloppy, distracting from the performance - Sehun knows when and how to exert that intensity and power depending on a move’s place in the choreo and the vibe of the song. For example, when it comes to hip thrusts most tend to do it in the same sensual, powerful, exaggerated way for each song regardless of what the thrust’s place in the choreo really is. However Sehun makes sure to match the thrust to each song, and hence the power placed into the thrust and the sensual vs. casual aura of it varies from song to song, such as CMB and Lucky One to Exodus and so on. And lastly I love the little details he adds to some moves, such as that fancy bit of footwork before the second chorus of Love Me Right, the way his hands creep across his chest in the first verse of Monster, and certain hand movements in White Noise, and his little mannerisms that he lets organically flow through him rather than planning/forcing them out. It just really shows to me that he’s letting himself ‘feel’ the music and be in tune with all that the song and performance is rather than focusing too much on giving the impression of doing all that. It’s something that honestly makes the details and mannerisms look a lot less awkward due to that (especially because I am someone that cringes really easily if something seems staged instead of natural ;;) and allows me to enjoy the performance more. It’s one of the reasons why ˹White Noise˼ is one of my favourite performances of EXO’rdium to watch Sehun in ;;

I really could go on and on (as if I haven’t already) because there’s so many aspects of Sehun’s dancing and style that I genuinely enjoy that it’s hard to articulate everything (and also make it make sense, which I might not have orz), but I think that intricacy in all the layers of Sehun’s dancing and the amount of skills and talent required to execute them is enough to show just how wonderful of a dancer he is, and also prove that he truly is a dancer, whether you enjoy his style or not.

➥ Improvement: Now of course, I know that Sehun isn’t a perfect dancer, and that there are areas that he does need to focus on improving. Namely, his lack of control when it comes to wider arm movements, smoothness of the hips, as well as consistent energy placed into each performance. However in all of these things, Sehun has continually been improving over the years, and really other than the wider arm movements - in which while he has improved, there’s still more to go - these issues are nowhere near as profound as they were a few years ago because of how much he’s improved in them. Especially in just within the last year, Sehun’s hip movements have become a lot smoother - something you can see in the EXO’luXion vs. EXO’rdium Playboy performances - and you can really tell that Sehun is doing his utmost best to improve himself. In addition to that, Sehun hadn’t perfectly evolved what his genre of dancing was but in 2016 you can see that he was finally able to settle into it, which shows how continually he’s working to improve himself. And while of course Sehun isn’t completely suited to all genres (predominantly the more contemporary ones of Baby Don’t Cry and One and Only), he’s still able to execute the choreos with accuracy and his own elegance and style, and it’s always lovely to watch him. Seeing Sehun always improve himself over the years and be able to pull off more complex choreos as well as dance even better in choreos that aren’t his genre is really wonderful to see and makes me so so proud and excited to see how much more he’ll improve in the future. And I really can’t wait until more and more people realize how talented Sehun really is when it comes to dancing as he continues to better himself in the coming years.

ACTING This section is going to be left blank for now as his debut acting releases ended up being delayed, but I will say that Sehun is someone who has quite a bit of potential. And given the fact that for the last few years this is what one of his goals for his career was, added to the fact that the people on set for both Catman and My Dear Archimedes praised Sehun endlessly, I can only imagine how much hard work and effort he put into his roles and the passion he had for it, and that whatever the outcome he really did do his absolute best and given his work ethic he’ll continue to hone his skills as time goes on.

FASHION Sehun’s huge interest in fashion is such an endearing thing (and I realize I’ve said this for about the 92834th time but I really do love everything about Sehun, I can’t help it ;;) and it makes me really happy to know that he has something that he genuinely loves. And the climax of it all was when he went to Louis Vuitton’s show at Paris Fashion Week 2017, and had garnered so much attention and hype merely from arriving at the venue that everyone couldn’t help but to take notice and be curious as to who he was, had Vogue ˹themselves˼ name him the best dressed man at the show and had showered him with so many phrases, and just in general got so much attention on an international scale. Because I know that he must’ve meticulously kept up with the latest trends and planned his outfit out perfectly to match the event that he was going to and just did his absolute best, so seeing him make a name for himself - however small it might be currently - in something that he genuinely loves and works hard for made me so happy and proud in ways words can’t describe. He must’ve been so ecstatic about this all, too, and that just makes this all that much more wonderful so I really hope that Sehun will continue to be met with praises and recognition like this, not just in fashion but in everything he works so hard for, because he really deserves it and I want him to be happy :(

SINGING (and rapping) While I don’t think of Sehun as being anywhere near a vocalist or someone who currently possesses the skills of being truly able to sing, whenever I hear his singing voice in songs from the last couple of years, I find myself repeating them over and over again because he genuinely sounds so so adorable and soft and it makes my heart feel so incredibly overwhelmed ;; In fact, if I listen to Sehun singing, you can guarantee I’ll be pouting by myself for the next couple of hours because it makes me so happy to hear him :( I’ve found that when a non-vocalist member sings a part in a song, it tends to disrupt the flow because the tone of their voice doesn’t always fit and their lack of technique is made evident - and while of course for fans it’s nice to hear it, it can be a little jarring. And quite honestly, Sehun’s singing voice used to be like that before the release of First Love (at the earliest), so that even though I found Sehun’s voice adorable, it would usually disrupt the song. But I can tell that he’s genuinely been working on the tone of his voice and general stability because in recent years, namely in Sing For You and For Life, Sehun’s voice in the little lines he gets fits in so well with the song and can’t help but to endear the listener because he sounds so sweet and angelic. His voice isn’t technically complex or vocally skilled but there’s an adorably soft quality to it, and it makes me so so proud to see how much he’s improved in that sense, and it’s genuinely nice to listen to his parts in these songs however short they are ;; Not to mention that his facial ˹expressions˼ when he sings are always so adorably soft and he really looks like a little angel when he does, which makes watching and hearing him sing that much more overwhelming for my heart :( 

I really think that if Sehun were to practice and work on his voice even more, he’d be able to earn himself a longer line in a song, because at this point his tone isn’t really what’s hindering him in any way (which it was in the past) but rather his confidence. So I really hope that he receives the encouragement from fans to keep on improving, because I can tell that Sehun has very little confidence and gets incredibly nervous when he sings. I remember during Sing For You, whenever Sehun’s part came on, his face would always stiffen and he’d look straight at the ground, and oftentimes was so nervous to sing that he’d sing quietly and let the playback take over. And during one of their Japan concerts in 2016, he wanted to sing for fans but was so embarrassed to, that he couldn’t even articulate his words properly before he started singing and stuttered, and then once he was done he went and hid behind a while because he was so shy :( Seeing him be so nervous like that is the most endearing thing because he really is so soft and lovely. It also shows that he really is aware of his abilities and doesn’t want to embarrass himself or disappoint anybody, which only makes me want to encourage him more because he deserves to feel confident and to not feel like he’s let anyone down. But it made me happy to see during their Malaysian concert in March that this time when he was asked to sing he looked so much less nervous and was even able to joke around, and hardly hesitated when he was asked to sing and then when he was done he didn’t shy away and instead said that he would do better next time. And seeing that difference in confidence between just ˹October 2016˼ and ˹March 2017˼ makes me so proud and incredibly happy for him because he really deserves to feel better about himself :( It makes me excited to see how much farther he’ll go in the future when it comes to his singing, because now that he’s working on his tone and his confidence is gradually increasing, I can only imagine how far he’ll go ;; Just like with everything else about Sehun, being with him on his journey as he improves every aspect of himself is such a lovely and rewarding part of being his stan and makes me ever more proud of him as the days go by.

As an extra note, though, I’ve also noticed that Sehun has become so much more confident and charismatic during his rapping parts and is a lot more stable on stage, and the amount of lines he gets in each song keeps increasing as time goes on and it just really makes me so happy :( I love hearing his voice in songs, be it when he raps or when he sings, and while he not be a legitimate rapper or singer it is just as lovely to hear his voice :( Seeing him rap during ˹Do It Together˼ is really one of the most rewarding things because you can see how confident and into it is and he’s so happy on stage during that song, and it’s a real joy to watch. So I can’t wait for him to continually improve, become more confident, and receive more lines in the future because seeing Sehun that happy and proud of himself is something I really want for him ;;

HARD WORKING AND TAKES WORK SERIOUSLY While I feel that there is this odd general perception that Sehun is complacent when it comes to his career, it couldn’t be any more opposite from the truth. Apart from what I’ve mentioned already with Sehun taking small lead roles within the group behind the scenes, how he works to continually improve himself in many aspects, and how he works towards his goals with enthusiasm and an eagerness to learn no matter what obstacles are set before him, one of the best examples that point towards how hardworking he really is comes from the accounts of staff and co-actors from Catman and My Dear Archimedes. ˹Wu Qian˼ (Sehun’s female lead in Catman) had said that whenever she had a scene with Sehun, that she could really tell that he had done a lot of homework on his character, and that the amount of hard work Sehun had poured into his role was something you really couldn’t fake to anyone, saying that it was seldom that to see such a hardworking actor. In the case of My Dear Archimedes, the author of the book itself had so many praises to shower Sehun with. The full thing can be read ˹here˼, but the author was essentially saying that Sehun was an extremely professional actor, that not only read only his lines but every one else’s as well, that he made sure to understand the character and spatial relationships clearly, to understand the psyche of his own character perfectly, and that when it was time to act out a scene he wouldn’t have to be reminded of anything because he knew how to do it so well. The directors and other staff had also said that despite Sehun having the status of a singer, he was such a hard working actor. There were honestly a countless amount of things that were said but every single one of them kept praising Sehun’s work ethic and passion (and also how lovely his personality is ;;), and hearing them all made me so incredibly proud of him, because you can really tell how seriously he takes his work. He comes of as quiet and subdued, and people may think he’s just letting everything pass by, when in reality he works so so hard in every single thing he’s given. Acting isn’t something that he randomly wants to try out but truly wants to give his all to, and it’s evident from all of the praises the staff had given him. And I know that he places this same amount of effort and passion into every single thing he does, and the fact that he doesn’t ever bring attention to that process continually proves just how humble he is.

In addition to that, he really loves doing what he does and is always so excited to let everyone see what he’s been working so hard on and it’s the most endearing thing :( I remember back in 2015, Sehun had gotten his first ever solo activity when he had starred in BoA’s “Who Are You” music video. It was such a little thing but he was so excited for the song to release and for everyone to be able to see him in the video that he was excitedly posting on his Instagram and replying to fans and honestly just being like an adorable little child telling every single person of this new fantastic thing he did ;; Then came his 2016 KBS Gayo SeKai water stage and the 2017 Gaon solo, where he kept uploading little ‘teaser’ photos onto his Instagram of each of the stages (especially for his Gaon solo), and you could really tell how excited he was for everyone finally see what he had been working so hard on and I just found that really endearing? Because you really could see just how much he enjoys what he’s doing and that he has a genuine passion for dancing that’s kept growing over the years, amounting in more and more solo opportunities. And seeing him so enthusiastically show them off and gain more and more confidence in his work shows to me just how hard he works and how seriously he takes his career, and that he is so willing to keep going and keep improving. It really just makes me so so proud of and happy for him, and I know that all of this will keep paying off and earn him more and more attention for the hard working (among other countless things) person he really is, giving him all the love and appreciation he truly, and has always, deserved :(

W H A T   H E   M E A N S   T O   M E —

STAN TIMELINE (and when I fell hard) I first saw EXO when I was going through my rebellion-from-K-pop stage, so when I saw Luhan’s newly released teaser in my YouTube recommended list, I scoffed at the idea of “an SM group? again?” and moved on my merry way. But then in May of 2012 I happened upon a performance of MAMA and my interest in EXO piqued. So after watching MAMA countlessly and falling in love with History’s choreography, I finally watched the MV for What Is Love, and I saw this quick flash of a clip of this boy dancing in mirror with a second version of himself and wondered who he was. I went on to watch all of EXO’s teasers right from the start to find him, and then finally got to the fateful (and now my forever favourite) Teaser #13 and saw the boy (or well I thought it was two boys at that time) that caught my eye. And after watching how well he danced, I immediately thought to myself, “This is him, this is my bias,” and that boy turned out to be Sehun :( I would like to say that I was a fan right from the beginning (though I guess in a sense I was) however back then the depth to which I stanned a group and my bias in it was extremely shallow and after listening to the full MAMA album and watching a few random shows EXO-K appeared in, I went on to shallowly pay attention to a new group (though EXO remained to the be only group I had ever listened to a full album for, so I think it was honestly meant to be).

I continued to be completely m.i.a. from whatever EXO were up to (though of course I listened to XOXO/Growl when it came out) until Showtime happened, and after realizing that EXO was the one and only group for me, I took the plunge and decided to be a full fan and made this blog in April 2014 (probably the worst time to fully invest yourself in your first ever fandom/group but I’m still here so!). Sehun was still my bias, that had never changed, but it’d be an extreme understatement to say that the Sehun stan I was back then was immensely different from the Sehun stan I am now. You just have to take one look at my tags from back then (actually don’t) and it’d be pretty obvious what I mean ;; Maybe I’ll let myself live, though, because it was only a few months of me getting into the fandom and paying attention to a group in general, let alone Sehun, so you can only expect so much. But after being in the fandom for a few more months, my feelings for Sehun started to run deeper and deeper, and sooner or later it got to the point of where I am now. But for a good long while I didn’t have a clue how I took such a giant leap from the me of mid-2014 to what is eventually the me of now - just what happened that made me fall this damn hard for a boy named Sehun?

Then a few months ago I finally realized what was the turning point of this all and it was during the exact moment that Sehun stepped up to be the first one to give a speech for their Artist of the Year award and MAMA 2014. Not only was that one of the hallmark moments of when Sehun grew up into the person he is today, but it was the moment where it finally struck me just how lovely Sehun really was and what his heart was, and is still, made of. Before that moment I used to just see Sehun as some adorable, goofy boy, who could dance and was quite handsome. But after seeing him give that speech - seeing the tears welling in his eyes and how overwhelmed he was, how he might have only said a few short words but were filled with such significance and appreciation, seeing him step out of his comfort zone from behind his members, and literally just seeing him grow up right in front of my eyes in that one short moment - overcame my heart with this huge rush of indescribable feelings. It flushed out any of the simple, shallow feelings that were contained in it before and filled it with an ever-growing pride, love, and appreciation for the person that he was. From that moment on the emotions I attached to Sehun were nothing but the softest and the strongest, and as I continued to learn more about him as each day passed by, the more for him I fell, the more he played a significant part in my life, and the more important to me he became. 

While I always feel oddly sad that I wasn’t around for two years, because I missed so much of his initial growth and the adorable, tiny peanut he used to be, and lost out on that much more time that I could’ve loved and appreciated him for, I know that I’ll be here until the end, loving him 100-fold for all the times that I missed. Because each time I think that I couldn’t possibly love him more, he manages to prove me wrong each and every single time, and as much as I love him now I can only imagine how much more I’ll love him in the future. It’s odd to think how it all began, and how that one little thing I did by clicking on EXO’s performance of MAMA by chance, ended up leading to me to one of my most favourite people in the world and someone who’s incredibly important to my life, but I sure am glad that it did :(

A DIFFERENT SIDE OF ME This part is going to have to be broken down into three mini sections because I really can’t shut up orz. They’re all intertwined with each other but for the sake of organization I’ll try and split them...

➥ Not How I Usually Am: Despite how and who I am when it comes to Sehun, it’s actually very different from my usual self? In fact if anyone from real life who’s interacted with me saw how I talk about Sehun and how I am in general whenever it comes to him, they’d probably wonder who tf I was lmao. It’s not that I’m faking it, but rather that Sehun brought out a whole new side to me that I genuinely previously thought never existed. I never thought that I had any of what I am and who I am in regards to Sehun in me at all - that I wasn’t capable of it. Honestly for so long I used to think that I was just a cold, hard shell without a single ounce of emotions, but through Sehun I found out that that’s not true at all - though I think it takes someone really special to bring this side out of me, but I will get to that later.

In quite a few ways I think I can be quite selfish - not out of disregard for others but rather due to some of my insecurities and discomforts (though I will get to this later ;;). And for those similar reasons, I’ve also found it quite hard to be someone that’s openly caring in the sense of warm comfort and being able to empathize? I’ve never really understood the exact meaning of wanting to care for someone, to share in their emotions, of wanting the absolute best for them, of wanting to do whatever you can for them, of just wanting to see them happy. Not to say that I don’t want that for my family and friends, or that I’m not considerate or understanding, because I do and I am - but it always felt far away? Because of those discomforts and insecurities, I would find myself closing off from being too attached to any of those emotions, essentially distancing myself from them, so I never knew what it was like to really genuinely feel them, to want those things with all that I had. So I started to think that maybe I just wasn’t capable of it at all, maybe I’m just a horrible, selfish person that had no ability to do any of that. But then came along Sehun and he really went and took that idea and flipped it right on its head. Because those things that I never understood what it was like to feel, never thought I was capable of, is every single thing I feel when it comes to Sehun. I find myself never thinking of me (in a selfish way) when it comes to him - in fact I never really think of me at all. I find myself wishing I could do everything possible to make sure that he’s happy, to be there for him when he’s down, to do anything I can to make sure that he’s treated kindly and taken seriously, to make sure that he’s only met with the absolute best because he deserves not even an ounce less. To wholly share in his happiness or excitement, to feel sad when he looked sad or was exhausted - to genuinely share in those feelings to the highest degree that I could as a fan. And I find myself feeling those things with my whole entire heart - this heart that I thought was shrouded in cold, hard steel - and it sometimes even surprises me because I never thought I had it in me at all, and yet here I am ;; It’s honestly quite foreign to me, to experience these feelings especially in the intensity that I do, because I really am not like this for anything else. But Sehun, being someone who’s extremely special to me in a way that no one else could ever possibly be, opened my heart to feeling all of things that it had tried so hard to hold back in the past. And while right now I still struggle to feel these things on a regular basis apart from Sehun, it’s just nice to know that I’m not as emotionless and cold as I always thought I was before. It’s one of the ways that Sehun has made me learn something new about myself, to feel happier with myself, and to slowly open myself up to those things that made me so uncomfortable and scared of before, and that’s one of the things, among so so many, that makes him that much more special.

➥ Uncomfortable With Emotions / Never Know What To Say: Emotions honestly make me extremely uncomfortable. That sounds weirdly dramatic and faux-emo, but the environment in which I grew up in was one in which outward expressions of emotions and affections were never really given to me? Not in the sense of not being taken care of and loved, because I was very much given both of those, but it was always shown to me in actions rather than any other form of expressions. However actions meaning that my parents were really protective over me and took care of me extremely well in the way that most Indian parents are protective and provide stability for their children. But other than that, those softer emotions and words were never really present, so I grew up not knowing what it was like to receive them or how to give them back, because I quite simply never really understood that ‘concept’? These sort of things were immensely foreign to me, and because I had no personal experience with them it was hard to attach a meaning to the things I saw so many other people doing. And that’s why I feel distanced from those feelings above, because while I to some degree felt them, I didn’t quite understand the emotions themselves. Because of that, I always felt like I didn’t know how to feel them, that I was somehow feeling them all wrong, and it would always make me extremely uncomfortable and weirdly insecure and so I would close myself off from them - because I thought, “If I can’t do it right, then I’m not going to do it at all, so that I don’t get judged for doing it wrongly.” So now whenever there’s any form of an emotional situation, I completely freeze, my mind goes blank, I’m never sure what to do and I start feeling weirdly anxious, which is why I can come off really awkward or emotionless when I’m put into that kind of situation.

Because of that I’ve always had trouble expressing myself, and have developed this more ‘logical’ way of thinking. And whenever I talk to people, and even in this post, I talk in quite a straightforward, matter-of-fact way, with big words and proper grammar and punctuation, and probably sound devoid of emotions orz. I can only find myself being able to articulate things that are logical or at least can be expressed in a straightforward manner, so whenever it comes to something as illogical as emotions are, added with my severe awkwardness with them, I struggle with knowing what to say and being able to express it without sounding like a robot (which I most definitely fail at :/). So in most occasions I just don’t bother at all, because it’s so frustrating and in the end I feel that it’s really not worth it.

However when it comes to Sehun, all my inhibitions towards my emotions are completely shattered. I find my heart overcome with a million different feelings, my thoughts buzzing around with a countless number of things, and it’s all just so overwhelming for someone like me who never once experienced even an ounce of anything similar before. At first it was so... so confusing, and I remember trying my best to not let myself feel this much and feeling so unlike myself. But after a while it honestly became so second nature to me. Loving Sehun is as easy as breathing, being overwhelmed with happiness and pride and affection and support and the softest feelings was automatic whenever Sehun was involved, and it was what I felt the most comfortable doing - which is quite odd for someone as anxious around feelings as I am. And while with everything else I sound colder and harder, with Sehun I become so starry-eyed and as soft as a cloud. And while my words can still sometimes be, well, like I sound in this post, I find myself overflowing with them, because there’s just such a huge magnitude of emotions that it’s like the dam that held all my feelings and all my inability to express myself was shattered. I still really struggle to know what to say, I’m always worried that I’m not saying it right, and my words hardly ever sound pretty, but I do genuinely try my best, because I feel like it’s the least I can do? There’s not a lot of things I can do for Sehun, because of physical distance or my anxiety, but Sehun’s given me so so much that I feel like the least I can do is to give him my words. They might not always be the most poetic, and sometimes they might not even make sense, but they’re laced with all the fondness, adoration, love, softness, and kindness in the world and Sehun being someone who deserves every single one of those things with all that the universe has to offer, this is my one way of being able to give it to him. And I feel like if I don’t say anything, then I’m extinguishing everything that I feel - and me loving Sehun with every fiber in my being, I would hate to do that :( So maybe sometimes I say too much, but the fact that Sehun is the one person who’s made me able to say anything at all - when oftentimes I struggle to and completely give up - proves to me once again that he’s someone who’s so incredibly special to me. No matter how much I say, I don’t think it will ever be enough, but in the end, whether I say three words or 500, it doesn’t change the fact that Sehun is one of my absolute most favourite people in the world, someone who’s made with everything wonderful that the universe could ever give, and I love him with my whole entire heart :(

➥ “I Love You”: These three words and the specific meaning of ‘love’ in it are three words you will never hear me say anywhere, and I quite literally mean anywhere to anyone. I can say I love dogs or that I love sushi or that I love Suho or EXO, but the word ‘love’ in those statements has a completely different, and somewhat diluted, meaning than the one I associate with saying, “I love you,” or saying I love someone close to me. ‘Love’ is the word I am the least comfortable with (the second being ‘beautiful’... shocking, I know!) out of all the words in the English language, and I honestly had a hard time even typing it out in that context (though I’ve gotten better at it because of well...), let alone saying it out loud (if I say it out loud it literally comes out like, “lo.... uhh... mmm”). Like I said above, I never really grew up being surrounded with that sort of outward affection, and I have literally never in my life had those words said to me, so while I in general didn’t attach any meaning to any form of affection, the concept of feeling love for someone was nonexistent in my mind because I had never really known what it meant to experience it or to be on the receiving end of it (in the sense of associating the word with those emotions). To put it simply, the word ‘love’ was almost like a foreign, gibberish word in my dictionary that I had never learned the definition of, and I can’t exactly use a word if I don’t know the meaning behind it. However since I did know the context in which you would say that to someone, I associated it with having a huge magnitude and being immensely meaningful, so for me I held that word with an extremely special regard - as if it was some rare, 500 carat diamond held on display at a museum that only the person with the key to the display could hold. So combining the overwhelming meaning I placed behind the word with me not understanding the emotions behind it enough to know if I was even experiencing them, I felt like I shouldn’t use it lightheartedly, and only say it if I was sure that I could. And just like that it became the least used word in my dictionary with a grand total usage of zero.

But if anyone only knew of me through my blog alone, they would think that those three words came easily to me, because as always, whenever it comes to Sehun, everything changes ;; Because honestly... and this is going to sound so cliche that I’m going to want to fight myself for saying it... me loving Sehun is something that I’ve never been more sure of in my life (AHHH), and I find those three words spilling out at any given moment, because I feel that no matter how much I say it, it will never be enough to encompass the exact magnitude to which I do. For the first year of me stanning him, as I learned more about him, those feelings started building up in me and I remember being so confused and so reluctant to say it because I thought, “Am I really going to say these words for the first time in my life about an idol on the other side of the world that doesn’t even know who I am?” But as time went on, and as Sehun proved to be someone that was incredibly important to me (for reasons I will get to later), it started to become this undeniable truth that I really did love him. Not in the way I love sushi, not in the way I love dogs, and not in the way that I love EXO, but that I love him. And after I got over that initial hurdle of saying it once, I found that I really couldn’t stop saying it, that those words so easily came to me just like all those emotions that I never thought I was capable of. Just like that whole side of me that I never thought existed. Just like everything else that I thought about myself that Sehun went and proved wrong. And that’s just another one of the reasons why Sehun is someone incredibly special and unique in my life, and why he’s the one person I’ve ever said those words to and for in my whole life, because he’s someone who really deserves the exact amount of magnitude and meaning I’ve placed in them, because for what he’s done for me, that’s the least I can do.

MORE THAN JUST A BIAS // SEHUN Usually when I see people say that someone is their bias, it means that they’re their favourite member that they love a bit more than the others, and they tend to have multiple biases from multiple groups that stack up and can sometimes be interchanged or swapped out for someone new. Which isn’t bad of course, that’s not at all what I’m saying, because everyone stans their biases in different ways and the level of investment differs, which is completely understandable and doesn’t lessen their support. But I noticed that that is one major difference between how I stan Sehun vs. other people having biases, because Sehun genuinely isn’t simply my bias, he’s not just my favourite boy in a group of boys but where in the end I love all the boys somewhat the same. But rather he’s one of my absolute favourite individuals in the whole world. Someone that I love as a completely separate individual from EXO themselves, and in a sense ‘ranks’ among other important people in my life. He’s not just my favourite idol, but my favourite person, and the meaning and feelings that I’ve attached to him, the amount of love and support I have for him, transcends the level that I (key word being ‘I’) would attach to him if he were simply just my bias. Though that might be a harder ‘concept’ to understand and differentiate from the word ‘bias’ if you don’t experience it yourself orz, but me having a bias is completely different than how I love Sehun. Because while Suho and Baekhyun may be my second favourite members, aka biases, of EXO, the magnitude with which I love them and the meaning of the love I have for them is on a completely different plane than that of Sehun’s, because Sehun is so so much more than that to me.

But other than what I mean when I say he’s more than just a bias to me, I honestly really do see him as someone who’s more than just an idol - an abstract individual who’s far away? Sometimes when I look around me I notice how people move from one bias to the next seemingly easily. Lots of sweet words are given to them and they’re treated as if they mean the world, but one little thing changes and all of the sudden those words mean nothing, and at the drop of a hat there’s already someone new. (Though that’s different from someone having a change of heart, because emotions are always dynamic and it’s only natural that certain things change both in you and in the other person that causes the emotions to fade. Which is fine because that sort of change is brought upon naturally, and usually is a slower process.) Sometimes I notice those changes happening so rapidly that it throws me off. And honestly, before Sehun I used to be just like that, and back then I would’ve thought, “How hard could that be? I mean how much could you possibly love an idol, be attached to them so much, that you couldn’t ever possibly leave them, that you could only bias just one person and absolutely no one else?” But when Sehun came along and I grew to love him as much as, and for the reasons, I do now, even the slightest hint of a thought of leaving him, of loving someone else instead of him (or, in my case, in addition to him), is something that I really could never do. Though I did for a while wonder that, for as much as I love him now, would it be something that would fade away, or is it something that’s for the longer run, because the concept of loving someone in general was really foreign to me so I wasn’t exactly sure how it ‘worked’ in a sense. But then I remembered one of my friends had told me, “Despite other people leaving him for someone new or distancing themselves from him, you always find more and more to love in him and come even closer.” And when she said that I realized that that really is what I always do? It’s quite easy for emotions to ebb and then slowly fade away, but maintaining them and growing them can be harder. Because I feel like it can be quite easy to fall into the habit of, rather than loving the person, you love the idea you have of them, that you have a specific mold of a person that you try to fit someone into, and when they stray from that mold a little, then you’re already trying to find someone new who fits that mold better. But I think that’s expecting people to remain quite static, and as human beings I really don’t think it’s possible for that at all because people are always changing. 

But regardless of anyone else, I realized that my feelings for Sehun really have never changed over time, that despite Sehun having changed quite immensely and in many ways over the last four years I still love him. That in fact I love him even more than I had back then and that it will continue to grow in the future, because I love Sehun - not this abstract idea I have of him and not the mold of a person I expect Sehun to fit into but Sehun. I’m not going to switch him out for someone who fits into this mold better, because I really do genuinely love him. He isn’t the same incredibly shy, quiet, awkward child that he was at debut - in fact he’s quite the opposite - but I love him all the more for it. Seeing him grow, seeing how his experiences change him and make him a better person, seeing him be more comfortable with himself and break out of that shy, quieter shell he was in only a few years ago, are all some of the best parts of loving him. Not just as an idol, not just to boast about him being the best at this or the best at that, not just as some abstract idea, but as a person. There might be little changes here and there, but in the end he’s the same person that I’ve always loved with the same traits that I’ve always cherished, and those changes are still a part of who he is as a person. Being able to grow along with him and be with him on his journey is something that I love to do and are the reasons that I grow to love him more and more. I’m not claiming that I know more about him than others or that I know all there is to know about him, but from what I see of him makes me sure that the Sehun I love is the Sehun that he really is. So unless he turns out to be a completely horrible person or the opposite of what I know about him now, for as many people as I come across that might be a better dancer, might be funnier, might be as adorable and kind - my gaze never strays and my heart never wanders because I love Sehun, and it’s really as simple as that.

MORE THAN JUST A BIAS // TO ME Sometimes I’m sure that people might think that I’m in this too deep or that I’m taking it too seriously; I’ve even seen some people say that people who are attached to their bias are ‘pathetic’ and that they need ‘help’, that it’s not that deep because they’re just strangers on the other side of the world in the end. And while of course there are some people out there that enter into an unhealthy, obsessive level, knowing that I - and many others I’m sure - am not like that and then essentially being mocked at for loving my bias in the way and magnitude that I do, was a little upsetting. Because yes, he might be some boy on the other side of the world that I will never fully get to know and he will never once be aware of my specific existence, but that doesn’t change the fact that he honestly means the world to me, and is someone that has played an incredibly important part of my life, and therefore will always be someone special to me, regardless of anything else. 

(trigger warning // start for the usual things you talk about for depression)

Because of several reasons and a long-winded backstory that I’m not going to get into, I had found myself in my first year of engineering in university as a socially awkward, quiet, introverted girl, that had low self confidence, low self esteem, and low self worth, as well as the beginnings of social anxiety and a whole recipe of things that made me a great candidate for having depression, too. I didn’t even want to be in engineering, but because I had no idea what else to do and because my dad had said that engineering was a good degree to have and I had the grades to get into it, I thought why not - soon I would learn exactly why not!! Naturally engineering turned out to be hard af and me not even being interested in it meant I was only able to scrape by, not having a clue what I was doing, not to mention my whole host of other personal issues was closing me more and more off from everyone around me. So not only was I not doing well in my major, I had no friends, I wasn’t able to talk to professors or get help and really I was just helpless and hopeless and sooner or later, surprise surprise, I became a majorly depressed mess. I was in engineering for four years, and during those four years, my mental health got progressively worse. I would have breakdowns almost every day, I skipped all my classes because I hated being on campus around all of the students that I had grown a distaste for, didn’t do well in any of them because I had no motivation to put any effort into my work or studying, I didn’t even want to be in engineering anymore but since I didn’t know what else to do I felt so trapped. Because I had no support system from my lack of friends in university, it was impossible for me to tell my parents, and I had been so closed off from the few friends I had since highschool, I just kept spiraling into an abyss of violent thoughts and desires. I think two years into engineering, I had told myself that if nothing changed then I was going to kill myself when I turned 23, but because I had given myself a way out of a situation that I felt so incredibly trapped in, I started to think there was no point trying anymore since I was going to kill myself anyways. And either way even if I did try I was a worthless human being that would amount to nothing, so there was no point. Despite feeling the way I felt, I didn’t even think I was truly actually depressed but just a useless, lazy ass, so I felt like my existence was even more pointless.

(trigger warning // end)

Anyways as you can see! I was very much not in a good place and was extremely volatile - all I needed was just a bit of courage and a means, and I really would have done what I planned to do when I turned 23, and since I had about 3.5 years until that deadline (from when I was in second year), that was plenty of time to get it (I was even starting to consider not waiting that long and doing it whenever orz). That year however, just so happened to be the year when I finally really started getting into EXO, and by the end of 2014 Sehun had proven to be someone that I was extremely fond of (for reasons explained in the How Much He’s Grown and Stan Timeline sections) and from then on my feelings for Sehun had grown exponentially from simply being fond to genuinely loving him. Fast forward to March 2016 when I finally dropped out of engineering after being in it for 4 years (and going through one discipline change from engineering chemistry to computer engineering) and was able to take a 6 month break off of school, during that time where I now had a lot of time to think. Of course I thought about other things, but in that time I realized what Sehun really meant to me, since it was hard to see that when I was in engineering because of all else that was going on. And I mean this is going to sound dramatic though there’s not an ounce of a lie in what I’m about to say but - I had realized that Sehun honestly... truly... genuinely... was the one thing that was keeping me alive.

People might ask, why an idol and not someone who’s closer to you in real life, and the reasons are quite simple (though it might be hard to understand for people who don’t experience it) and it was that there were no expectations or pressure - just me loving Sehun freely without anything to bring me down - something constant in my life, a source of light, and genuine happiness. When you’re depressed and in the state that I was in, as much as you care for the people who are close to you in real life, you still always feel like there’s some kind of expectation and pressure coming from them, even if they don’t try to put it on you. You want to extinguish yourself from existence, but you feel like you can’t because it will affect those around you, and so you keep yourself alive but reluctantly. And that knowledge that your lack of existence - your one way out - is one in which the people around you would get hurt, keeps pressing against you, so that you feel suffocated and trapped. But when you’re alive, there’s expectations and pressure coming from every single other angle, not only from school but from the people around you, too, because you don’t want to disappoint them, and that just keeps weighing down on you and makes you feel like you’re even more of a failure. But with Sehun there was absolutely none of that - he was someone who was there, whom I could love without any sort of judgement from him being passed onto me, he was someone I could do good things for be it just by giving him my love or my words or my support and it felt like the one thing I could get right, something that I really couldn’t fail in when I felt like I was a failure everywhere else. 

On top of that, when everything else around you feels like it’s going to shit and you have no way out, when you’re being surrounded by all of these negative thoughts and desires and everything is just being clouded in darkness and you feel like there’s nothing around you to hold onto because in one way or another something is hurting you, Sehun was a constant. He was separate from my life (in the sense of being directly in it, physically, next to me) and so he was separate from all of the things in my life that were weighing down on me. He was in Korea, always doing his own thing, always being something in my life that was positive, always, always, always there for me in one way or another, even if he was so far away. It was as if I was in the middle of a river, and the current was rapid and was always slapping cold, hard water in my face, but Sehun was the one branch I could hold onto and eventually use to find my way to safety. He was my constant, the one (and only) source of positivity that I had that was always there for me, to always remind me that I was okay, and when you feel like everything around you is telling you that you’re not okay, and that you’re not going to be alright, he was someone that I really needed. And because of that, he really became my source of light, that light at the end of tunnel that was as dark as a black hole, and even though he was so far away, I kept walking towards him because it meant a way out. He was something I could look forward to - and it was really for things like seeing him in concert, seeing him dance, even something as seemingly small as being able to see him smile again - that gave me a reason to stay alive for another day, gave me a reason to keep going and to keep having my little victories and see what life had in store for me. I really didn’t have anything else in my life to look forward to, so Sehun being there, constantly shining as brilliantly as he does and spreading that sunshine to me, gave me maybe just one, but one powerful reason to look forward to another day. And he honestly just genuinely made me so so happy, happier and brighter than I was for anything else, and when you feel shrouded in sadness and hopelessness, him being the one reason I smiled - and smiled so easily that I forgot what it even meant to be sad - was something that I really needed. The light in me honestly struggles to stay alive, but with him it shines more brightly than ever, and that light that he ignited within me was my one and only fuel to keep going and to stay alive. And you might wonder why Sehun specifically and not another idol, but that’s what this whole entire post is for ;; After the end of 2014, when I finally really fell for Sehun and who he was, being able to love him, learn about him more, and find out all the things that make him him - the person for whom my heart grew more and more to love - was a really positive experience, something that made me momentarily forget everything else that was bringing me down and focus on the one thing that made me smile.

And when I think about it now, if I didn’t have Sehun during all those years, I really don’t think I’d be alive today - and that might sound like an exaggeration but I really wouldn’t have ;; When I see where I am now - finally dropped out of engineering, in a program that I genuinely like, and finally getting good grades, being able to see a future for myself, and slowly but surely believing in myself and learning about myself more - it just makes me all the more thankful for Sehun. As I write this, this is the year that I’m going to turn 23, and knowing for the longest time I had kept telling myself that my expiry date was when I turned 23, to know that I really did make it this far and that there’s finally a part of me that wants to keep going instead of waiting for the day to turn myself off, just makes it all that much more surreal. Of course my depression and anxiety hasn’t disappeared, because I still go through intense episodes and I still get those thoughts from time to time, but Sehun quite literally snaps me out of it - I could really just think, “But Sehun...” and all those desires disappear. Sometimes I become such a sap, that if I watch something, even the simplest thing, of Sehun when I’m going through an episode, I’ll smile and then more times than not burst into tears because Sehun has once again reminded me that I have a reason to keep going. I really couldn’t possibly articulate, even though I’ve already written this much, on how much he means to me but this is why Sehun is so incredibly special to me, this is why he’s someone that’s played an important part in my life, this is why no one else in EXO or anywhere else could ever possibly compare because Sehun is the one and only person that has provided me with any of this and that alone puts him on an unreachable plane from anyone else, this is why I love him as much as I do, and this is why he’s more than just a bias to me.

So yeah, maybe it’s just K-pop, maybe Sehun is just some stranger on the other side of the world, maybe Sehun won’t ever know who I am - but he’s made this much of an impact on my life despite all of that, and is one of the reasons I’m really even still alive. So yes it actually is that deep, maybe not for you but for me, and I’m going to keep loving him and supporting him and defending him as much as I do because he’s given me so so so so much that it would quite literally be impossible for me not to. He’s given me source of light, a reason to live, and motivation and inspiration, and nothing I could ever do for him in return would ever be enough, but I sure as heck am going to love him with my whole entire heart.

MOTIVATION Nothing really ever motivates me or inspires me, and I mean nothing, because I’m honestly so pessimistic that I find every motivational quote, every inspirational thought, to be fallible somehow. Depression usually does that to you, because you start to think all of these things are lying and there’s really nothing to look forward to. So instead I just find myself mentally exhausted and lethargic at every moment and never find it in me to do anything or to believe in myself or that things will get better - and that’s really quite crippling. But! Once again, Sehun ended up being the one and only thing that managed to change all of that, and it naturally made me grow closer and closer to him. And I feel like that might be odd to some, because Sehun tends to be seen as someone who’s more complacent, or at least in comparison to the other members, so you’d wonder what exactly it was about him that made him that source of energy for me. But for me, the way Sehun is, the things he’s said, and the way he works towards his goals is something that I found infinitely more encouraging than all of those things that I always found so fallible or so pessimistically believed were impossible.

When I look at the other members, the ones that I feel tend to be synonymous for most people in regards to these things - for example Baekhyun, Yixing, or Jongin - I always felt distanced from them and the way they embodied being ‘inspirational’ or ‘motivational'. There’s this overtness to which they display those traits that always felt inaccessible to me - not in a bad way, but it never personally connected with me? You look at Baekhyun’s immense hard work and passion that’s so obviously there and has led him to be one of the most talented in EXO; you look at Yixing and his charitable acts, immense kindness, a million different ventures and a huge amount of ambition; you look at Jongin’s undeniable passion for dance and how he gives his all for it - they’re all things that inspire others, but it just felt so grandiose and intense and something that was so far away from me, that I just never felt motivated by them at all. Rather it was something that would make me feel intimidated, and oddly enough made me feel like a failure more often than not. I really have no self-confidence in anything I do, and I always tend to doubt myself, so when I see such grandiose things like that, that inspiration to achieve that intensely, that idea that I would never be able to achieve as much or with as much magnitude always felt alienating and made me feel even more like I had nothing to look forward to, and that I would amount to nothing. Though of course that isn’t anything bad on them, because they really are admirable in the way they are and inspire so so many people. But with my lack of any self worth and natural pessimism towards so many things, but especially towards myself, it was hard for me to believe in any of that.

Now that whole bit probably made it sound like Sehun has none of that, but the major difference, and the thing that makes the most impact on me, is the way in which he embodies those traits. Like I said earlier, Sehun’s personality is a lot more subdued, and that subdued aspect of who he is is what makes him have this human quality that makes him a lot more accessible to me? He doesn’t have that same grandiosity when it comes to the way in which he works towards his goals, his ambition, his work ethic, and his way of thinking, and that always felt less intimidating and was something that I felt more easily connected to, rather than something unreachable that I could only admire from afar. Essentially Sehun was able to close that gap between me and my future and who I wanted to be in a way that no one else could, and it made everything feel a lot less daunting. What I mean by this specifically is the way in which he works towards his goals and who he said his role model is, which is something that I described earlier (in Knows Who He Is, What He Wants, and What He’s Capable Of) so I will condense it here ;; But when Sehun was asked who is role model was, he had said that he didn’t have a role model because he felt that there was something good in every person that you could look up to. In addition to that, the way in which Sehun works towards his goals in one where, rather than working towards them aggressively, he goes with the flow - he lets himself experience things and then learns from those experiences, he lets himself go at his own pace so that he can figure himself out, what he’s capable of, where he needs to improve, and then know the best way to go forward. And while that was heavily condensed (since I already explained it in depth earlier), those on top of him just being him in all of his kindness, consideration, and humility, was something that genuinely encouraged me? Because with Sehun, rather than inspiring in the ways that I’ve seen so many others do, in the ways that I always felt so detached from, Sehun inspired me to be a better person, because he’s honestly such a lovely, wonderful, patient person that I really have a lot to learn from? But he also inspired in that, rather than trying to emulate others for the sake of being as ‘great’, just be you and work on being the best version of you. To learn more about yourself and from your experiences to better who you are but to still be you. To do what you like and to work hard without losing it all in trying to be as grandiose as everything else, but to be at a place where you’re happy with yourself and the hard work that brought you there, and that doesn’t always have to be at #1 (though of course it can be if that’s what you want). He reminded me that it’s okay to go at my own pace, that I can achieve what I want within my own abilities without trying to be like someone else. And for me as someone who felt like I really was never enough, that I was a failure in every single aspect, that if I didn’t achieve to as high as a degree as everyone else then I was somehow worthless in all my pessimism, he was able to motivate me and encourage me and give me a sense of positivity in a way that no one else could.

And it might be a slow start, because I’ve been stuck in my way of thinking and my endless pessimism for so long, but I really now feel like I can get there. Which is quite amazing because I really have never felt that before? I never had the confidence in future me, but lately I’ve been beginning to feel that. I used to always think that everything I did wasn’t enough, that I was moving too slow and falling behind, but these days I keep telling myself that it’s okay, that I’ll get there. I’ve learned to slowly be happy with my small victories, to be able to give myself something to look forward to and something to work towards, and to slowly build at least a little confidence in myself. And now that I have that bit of confidence in the fact that I know I’ll somehow get there, I’ve been able to slowly start to figure myself out more. To figure out my flaws and try to better myself as a person - which of course will take a while, but being able to recognize these things is a start! To be able to figure out who I am - something that I really honestly struggle with but that’s a topic for another day - and to figure out where I want to go. And knowing that I really wasn’t like this even just a few months ago, is quite amazing and made me realize that I really will be able to get better. Of course this isn’t all Sehun’s doing, I have to give myself some credit, too, but Sehun really played an important role in this all, not only in keeping me alive to get this far to begin with, but to always be that constant beacon of light to remind me of all of these things. To remind me that I’m doing good and to keep going because I will get there. To remind me that I’m not a horrible and worthless person but there is good in me and that I am capable of achieving things. And that’s just one more way that Sehun is someone that I hold incredibly special to my heart, because he’s done more for me as someone so far away than I could ever have imagined, and I will always have a part of me that loves him and is thankful for him no matter what.

THE END? Y’know, surprisingly enough, the things that make up Sehun aren’t usually things that I would look for in a person. He’s truthfully someone who would have been completely off my radar and might have even stayed that way. Yet by some happenstance, Sehun was the one that caught my eyes first out of all the members - even though some of them would’ve conventionally been the ones I saw first. He’s the one that I love more than anything in the world and someone who has impacted my life a great deal despite all of that. The things that I’ve described in this post are things that I usually wouldn’t have looked for in a person, but they happen to be the exact things about Sehun that I love with all my heart and am forever proud of. Even more oddly enough, me and Sehun are quite different people - though we do share some similarities - and the way he thinks and his outlook in life are quite different than mine, but somehow those differences are the things that have inspired me in ways no one else could. And it’s quite amazing to think about really - how someone so different from what I look for and so different from me is the one person who has become one of the most important people to me. I’m not sure what in the universe made it so that Sehun would be a part of my life but I’m ever so thankful that it did, because I really would’ve been a completely different person without him, and I couldn’t imagine stanning or loving anyone else but him. We might be different but he’s honestly my kind of perfect - made of everything I love and everything I hold so dear to me.

He’s the exception to all my rules, and if that doesn’t show just how special he is then I really don’t know what does. I’m sure it was easy to notice the running theme in my last few points - that I’m usually so different, that I usually don’t this or don’t that, however with Sehun that all changes. He’s the only one I talk this softly about, the only one I’ve said “I love you” to (indirectly) and the only one to whom I can with such ease, he’s the only one that’s made me realize all these things I have in me, the only one to have brought whole new sides out of me, the only one that has been able to encourage me and make me think positively, he’s even the only person I feel attracted to - he’s truly genuinely my one and only in so many ways and I can’t help but to love him more for it, because he’s just so incredibly special ;;

And I know I’ve said that I love him or fell for him plenty of times but it’s not a romantic love. Of course I have a little crush on him, sometimes you can’t help it orz, but I just genuinely love him as a person, for who he is and how he’s helped me. All I want is for him to receive the absolute best from the world, to be happy as often as he can, to be surrounded with people who love him and appreciate him and would do anything to give him all the stars in the sky, to appreciate and encourage him and to respect him for the wonderful, wonderful person he really is because he’s given so much to me and I’m sure to so many others, and he deserves a million times more - not even an ounce less - in return :(

While this post is many thousands of words longs, it really could never encompass all the things I love, of which there are so many - from the small, minute details to the things that are so overwhelmingly a part of him. And every single day I find more and more to love in him, as he grows more as an individual and continues to achieve the way he has, so I know that even after I post this that there’s always going to be more, that while my love for him is as big as it is now, this isn’t where it’s going to end. Even between the time I planned to write this post just three months ago and when I finally started writing it and when I finally neared the end, I realized just how many new things about him I learned and began to love, the magnitude with which he really meant to me, the amount he really encouraged me, and just how exponentially more I really loved him. And seeing my love for him grow 100-fold in such little time, to know that every now and then I seem to think that I couldn’t possibly love him more but he proves me wrong each and every single time, makes me wonder and excited for what more will come in the future.

So this may be the end of this post, but it isn’t the end of how much I love him, of how much more I’ll learn about him, of how much more he’ll be a rock for me in my life, and it most definitely isn’t the end of my journey with him.

[sualkmedeiors]

How to Optimize On-Page SEO to Maximize Your ROI

SEO, or search engine optimization, seems to be an “unpredictable” or “magic” industry to some marketers. However, its elements are straightforward and built on solid ground. Once you know what kind of keywords your customers are looking for, you can start to play with it.

In this blog, you’ll learn about the most important on-page SEO elements and how to apply them to your marketing strategy.

Copy

The content of the page, therefore, its copy, is the most critical part of SEO. Keep that in mind before you start working on more technical stuff. There is no exact formula for how many keywords and in what density to put them into the text. You’ll likely find guides online that tell you otherwise, but in most cases, these formulas don’t make any sense. I recommend you ignore any rules you read and write naturally for your users.

That may seem a bit counterintuitive, because I am telling you to optimize without any specific optimization tricks. But consider the following example to illustrate what I mean: imagine you are selling black and brown kitchen tables, and when you are writing about them, you probably mention the colors a few times. But what if your customers are looking for dark tables instead? Consider switching out some of your instances of black with the word dark to reach customers on their terms.

Title Tag 

The title tag consisting of keywords is one of the elementary ranking factors. The title itself tells users and search engines what the page is about. Even though users don’t see this text directly on the page because it is placed in the code, search engines can read it, and they will show it in search engine results pages (SERPs).

Note: The title tag is not only used by search engines, but also by software that reads to people who have accessibility requirements or otherwise require reading assistance.

Title Tag Best Practices:

Each page should have exactly one title tag set.

The title should be written relevantly to the page.

It should include targeting keywords. However, don’t try to put too many keywords into the title, sometimes called keyword stuffing. One targeting keyword along with the descriptive text for one page is enough.

The maximum length of the title tag is 600px which is approximately 70 to 80 characters. But I don’t recommend focusing on characters, because in some cases, an even longer title might fit into the SERPs. To see if the title fits all search engines, you can use a SERP preview tool.

The title tag shouldn’t be too short, either. If it is only, let’s say, 200px long, you are probably not using its potential fully.

Title Tag Examples:

Let’s take a look at examples of both badly and well-written titles. Let’s say I am looking for coffee shops in Prague. The following titles could be written much better.

Coffee shops Prague —> Title is too short and doesn’t say anything interesting. I don’t even want to click on it.

Places in Prague that serve you the best coffee —> I might want to click on it, but the keyword “coffee shops” is missing, so it might not even show up in the SERPs.

The most beautiful coffee shops in Prague with the best coffee and from the best professionals —> I would really like to click on this one, because there is a relevant keyword, and it is also appealing. But it’s also too long, and I probably wouldn’t see the whole title in the search results.

Here’s what an ideal title looks like:

The example above is neither too short or too long. It includes the keyword that I am looking for, and it says that I will discover the 10 best places. I really want to click on this one.

Meta Description

The meta description has a lot in common with the title tag or meta title that we were just talking about. Here are the differences. First, the meta description is not one of the ranking factors. However, it might influence your click-through rate from SERPs, which will affect the ranking. That’s why I recommend not to neglect the meta description copy.

Another difference from the title tag is that the description is much longer. In December 2017, Google increased the length of the meta description for desktop from 920px to 1,750px, or 320 characters. Now it is almost twice as long, so you have much more space for getting the attention of your potential customers. Sometimes, additional characters can fit into the SERPs which is why I recommend using pixels rather than the number of characters.

Meta Description Best Practices:

With a few exceptions, the best practices of the meta description are basically the same as for the title tag:

Each page should set exactly one meta description.

The meta description should be written relevantly to the page.

It should include targeting keywords.

The maximum length of the meta description is 1,750 px or 320 characters for desktop.

The maximum length of the meta description is 1350 px or 230 characters for mobile. It’s important to know how much of your traffic comes from mobile to properly optimize for where your customers are engaging with your content the most.

The meta description shouldn’t be too short, either. Use its full potential.

You are writing it for your potential customers and not for you. Instead of bragging about yourself, write what is in it for the customers.

Use a call to action in the copy like “Discover, try, experience, see…”

Meta Description Examples:

What does an ideal meta description look like? It’s important to know that again, there is no formula for meta description.

I will return to our example above. Even though it has a pretty sweet title, let’s take a closer look at the meta description:

This description focuses more on describing Prague than the coffee shops that I am looking for. It is irrelevant and too long to fit the SERPs. This occurs because the page doesn’t actually have a meta description set, so Google will pull text from the post to fill in.

I personally like this one below much more.

The length is ideal, it is well-written and creative. It says what’s in it for me and it includes the right keywords for me as the potential customer.

URLs

Setting up URLs for your whole website might be a very complex activity. If you are new to SEO, I recommend asking professional SEO specialists, along with UX specialists, to help you with that. If you have a more complex website, once you set up your URL structure, it becomes challenging to change it afterward, and it can also hurt the rankings.

But in general, there are a few rules that you should follow when creating a new URL:

The URL should be short.

It shouldn’t consist of excessive numbers or symbols.

It should include targeting keywords.

For example, when you create new content on the web regularly, like articles on a blog, you can influence a URL right away.

It is common practice that a URL is set up by default according to the name of the article. If this is your case, you probably end up with an unnecessarily long URL, which isn’t shown fully in the SERPs and might not even include the relevant keywords.

Let’s see some examples below. The URL in the first preview is good enough, and it is shown in the SERPs entirely. The URL in the second preview is unnecessarily long, and the important keywords are at the end.

Headings

The heading structure on the web is represented by tags <h1>—<h6>. It is necessary to have this structure because it helps both search engines and users understand the context of the web.

The most important of these tags is heading h1, which I recommend using for each of your pages. Together with the title, it tells the search engine what a page is about, and is also an accessibility tool for people who are blind or require reading assistance.

Even if you are not using subheadings in the text, you should at least place the <h1> tag there.

H1 Best Practices:

There should be exactly one h1 on each page.

The h1 should be unique.

It should include important keywords.

The h1 should describe what the page is about.

There is no pixel or characters limit but try to keep it short.

Examples of Heading Structure:

The usage of subheadings on level <h2> – <h6> depends on the context.

Incorrectly tagged:

<h1> Main heading of an article </h1>

<h2> Subheading on second level </h2>

<h2> Subheading on second level </h2>

<h1> Main heading of an article </h1>

<h3> Subheading on third level </h3>

Correctly tagged:

<h1> Main heading of an article </h1>

<h2> Subheading on second level </h2>

<h3> Subheading on third level </h3>

<h3> Subheading on third level </h3>

<h2> Subheading on second level </h2>

<h3> Subheading on third level </h3>

<h3> Subheading on third level </h3>

Internal Links 

Linking internally within the page means that you are making all of the pages accessible for both search engines and users. Internal links also pass the value and authority from one page to another. It’s called link equity (or “link juice”). To simplify, it means that the more internal links lead to the specific site, the more authority it gets for the search engines and the more accessible it is for the users.

Internal Linking Best Practices:

Make sure that all of your pages relate to each other.  This means that there is at least one link referring to it.

Don’t overlink. The more pages you are referring to, the less authority they will get. Consider which pages are really important and link only to them.

It is good practice to write your targeting keywords within the anchor text when referring to the specific page. It will help the search engine better understand what the page is about. But don’t over-optimize it. Write naturally.

Conclusion

These essential on-page SEO elements are something that you should start with when optimizing your site. In general, these rules are very simple. The most important thing to keep in mind is that you are writing for your customers and potential customers.

By following a few simple rules, you will be on your way to optimizing your SEO in no time.

Are there any important tips for on-page SEO optimization that I left out? Tell me about your best practices in the comments.

The post How to Optimize On-Page SEO to Maximize Your ROI appeared first on Marketo Marketing Blog - Best Practices and Thought Leadership.

from https://blog.marketo.com/2018/05/optimize-on-page-seo-maximize-roi.html

[maxslogic25]

How to Optimize On-Page SEO to Maximize Your ROI

SEO, or search engine optimization, seems to be an “unpredictable” or “magic” industry to some marketers. However, its elements are straightforward and built on solid ground. Once you know what kind of keywords your customers are looking for, you can start to play with it.

In this blog, you’ll learn about the most important on-page SEO elements and how to apply them to your marketing strategy.

Copy

The content of the page, therefore, its copy, is the most critical part of SEO. Keep that in mind before you start working on more technical stuff. There is no exact formula for how many keywords and in what density to put them into the text. You’ll likely find guides online that tell you otherwise, but in most cases, these formulas don’t make any sense. I recommend you ignore any rules you read and write naturally for your users.

That may seem a bit counterintuitive, because I am telling you to optimize without any specific optimization tricks. But consider the following example to illustrate what I mean: imagine you are selling black and brown kitchen tables, and when you are writing about them, you probably mention the colors a few times. But what if your customers are looking for dark tables instead? Consider switching out some of your instances of black with the word dark to reach customers on their terms.

Title Tag 

The title tag consisting of keywords is one of the elementary ranking factors. The title itself tells users and search engines what the page is about. Even though users don’t see this text directly on the page because it is placed in the code, search engines can read it, and they will show it in search engine results pages (SERPs).

Note: The title tag is not only used by search engines, but also by software that reads to people who have accessibility requirements or otherwise require reading assistance.

Title Tag Best Practices:

Each page should have exactly one title tag set.

The title should be written relevantly to the page.

It should include targeting keywords. However, don’t try to put too many keywords into the title, sometimes called keyword stuffing. One targeting keyword along with the descriptive text for one page is enough.

The maximum length of the title tag is 600px which is approximately 70 to 80 characters. But I don’t recommend focusing on characters, because in some cases, an even longer title might fit into the SERPs. To see if the title fits all search engines, you can use a SERP preview tool.

The title tag shouldn’t be too short, either. If it is only, let’s say, 200px long, you are probably not using its potential fully.

Title Tag Examples:

Let’s take a look at examples of both badly and well-written titles. Let’s say I am looking for coffee shops in Prague. The following titles could be written much better.

Coffee shops Prague —> Title is too short and doesn’t say anything interesting. I don’t even want to click on it.

Places in Prague that serve you the best coffee —> I might want to click on it, but the keyword “coffee shops” is missing, so it might not even show up in the SERPs.

The most beautiful coffee shops in Prague with the best coffee and from the best professionals —> I would really like to click on this one, because there is a relevant keyword, and it is also appealing. But it’s also too long, and I probably wouldn’t see the whole title in the search results.

Here’s what an ideal title looks like:

The example above is neither too short or too long. It includes the keyword that I am looking for, and it says that I will discover the 10 best places. I really want to click on this one.

Meta Description

The meta description has a lot in common with the title tag or meta title that we were just talking about. Here are the differences. First, the meta description is not one of the ranking factors. However, it might influence your click-through rate from SERPs, which will affect the ranking. That’s why I recommend not to neglect the meta description copy.

Another difference from the title tag is that the description is much longer. In December 2017, Google increased the length of the meta description for desktop from 920px to 1,750px, or 320 characters. Now it is almost twice as long, so you have much more space for getting the attention of your potential customers. Sometimes, additional characters can fit into the SERPs which is why I recommend using pixels rather than the number of characters.

Meta Description Best Practices:

With a few exceptions, the best practices of the meta description are basically the same as for the title tag:

Each page should set exactly one meta description.

The meta description should be written relevantly to the page.

It should include targeting keywords.

The maximum length of the meta description is 1,750 px or 320 characters for desktop.

The maximum length of the meta description is 1350 px or 230 characters for mobile. It’s important to know how much of your traffic comes from mobile to properly optimize for where your customers are engaging with your content the most.

The meta description shouldn’t be too short, either. Use its full potential.

You are writing it for your potential customers and not for you. Instead of bragging about yourself, write what is in it for the customers.

Use a call to action in the copy like “Discover, try, experience, see…”

Meta Description Examples:

What does an ideal meta description look like? It’s important to know that again, there is no formula for meta description.

I will return to our example above. Even though it has a pretty sweet title, let’s take a closer look at the meta description:

This description focuses more on describing Prague than the coffee shops that I am looking for. It is irrelevant and too long to fit the SERPs. This occurs because the page doesn’t actually have a meta description set, so Google will pull text from the post to fill in.

I personally like this one below much more.

The length is ideal, it is well-written and creative. It says what’s in it for me and it includes the right keywords for me as the potential customer.

URLs

Setting up URLs for your whole website might be a very complex activity. If you are new to SEO, I recommend asking professional SEO specialists, along with UX specialists, to help you with that. If you have a more complex website, once you set up your URL structure, it becomes challenging to change it afterward, and it can also hurt the rankings.

But in general, there are a few rules that you should follow when creating a new URL:

The URL should be short.

It shouldn’t consist of excessive numbers or symbols.

It should include targeting keywords.

For example, when you create new content on the web regularly, like articles on a blog, you can influence a URL right away.

It is common practice that a URL is set up by default according to the name of the article. If this is your case, you probably end up with an unnecessarily long URL, which isn’t shown fully in the SERPs and might not even include the relevant keywords.

Let’s see some examples below. The URL in the first preview is good enough, and it is shown in the SERPs entirely. The URL in the second preview is unnecessarily long, and the important keywords are at the end.

Headings

The heading structure on the web is represented by tags <h1>—<h6>. It is necessary to have this structure because it helps both search engines and users understand the context of the web.

The most important of these tags is heading h1, which I recommend using for each of your pages. Together with the title, it tells the search engine what a page is about, and is also an accessibility tool for people who are blind or require reading assistance.

Even if you are not using subheadings in the text, you should at least place the <h1> tag there.

H1 Best Practices:

There should be exactly one h1 on each page.

The h1 should be unique.

It should include important keywords.

The h1 should describe what the page is about.

There is no pixel or characters limit but try to keep it short.

Examples of Heading Structure:

The usage of subheadings on level <h2> – <h6> depends on the context.

Incorrectly tagged:

<h1> Main heading of an article </h1>

<h2> Subheading on second level </h2>

<h2> Subheading on second level </h2>

<h1> Main heading of an article </h1>

<h3> Subheading on third level </h3>

Correctly tagged:

<h1> Main heading of an article </h1>

<h2> Subheading on second level </h2>

<h3> Subheading on third level </h3>

<h3> Subheading on third level </h3>

<h2> Subheading on second level </h2>

<h3> Subheading on third level </h3>

<h3> Subheading on third level </h3>

Internal Links 

Linking internally within the page means that you are making all of the pages accessible for both search engines and users. Internal links also pass the value and authority from one page to another. It’s called link equity (or “link juice”). To simplify, it means that the more internal links lead to the specific site, the more authority it gets for the search engines and the more accessible it is for the users.

Internal Linking Best Practices:

Make sure that all of your pages relate to each other.  This means that there is at least one link referring to it.

Don’t overlink. The more pages you are referring to, the less authority they will get. Consider which pages are really important and link only to them.

It is good practice to write your targeting keywords within the anchor text when referring to the specific page. It will help the search engine better understand what the page is about. But don’t over-optimize it. Write naturally.

Conclusion

These essential on-page SEO elements are something that you should start with when optimizing your site. In general, these rules are very simple. The most important thing to keep in mind is that you are writing for your customers and potential customers.

By following a few simple rules, you will be on your way to optimizing your SEO in no time.

Are there any important tips for on-page SEO optimization that I left out? Tell me about your best practices in the comments.

The post How to Optimize On-Page SEO to Maximize Your ROI appeared first on Marketo Marketing Blog - Best Practices and Thought Leadership.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8217493 https://blog.marketo.com/2018/05/optimize-on-page-seo-maximize-roi.html

[racheltgibsau]

How to Optimize On-Page SEO to Maximize Your ROI

SEO, or search engine optimization, seems to be an “unpredictable” or “magic” industry to some marketers. However, its elements are straightforward and built on solid ground. Once you know what kind of keywords your customers are looking for, you can start to play with it.

In this blog, you’ll learn about the most important on-page SEO elements and how to apply them to your marketing strategy.

Copy

The content of the page, therefore, its copy, is the most critical part of SEO. Keep that in mind before you start working on more technical stuff. There is no exact formula for how many keywords and in what density to put them into the text. You’ll likely find guides online that tell you otherwise, but in most cases, these formulas don’t make any sense. I recommend you ignore any rules you read and write naturally for your users.

That may seem a bit counterintuitive, because I am telling you to optimize without any specific optimization tricks. But consider the following example to illustrate what I mean: imagine you are selling black and brown kitchen tables, and when you are writing about them, you probably mention the colors a few times. But what if your customers are looking for dark tables instead? Consider switching out some of your instances of black with the word dark to reach customers on their terms.

Title Tag 

The title tag consisting of keywords is one of the elementary ranking factors. The title itself tells users and search engines what the page is about. Even though users don’t see this text directly on the page because it is placed in the code, search engines can read it, and they will show it in search engine results pages (SERPs).

Note: The title tag is not only used by search engines, but also by software that reads to people who have accessibility requirements or otherwise require reading assistance.

Title Tag Best Practices:

Each page should have exactly one title tag set.

The title should be written relevantly to the page.

It should include targeting keywords. However, don’t try to put too many keywords into the title, sometimes called keyword stuffing. One targeting keyword along with the descriptive text for one page is enough.

The maximum length of the title tag is 600px which is approximately 70 to 80 characters. But I don’t recommend focusing on characters, because in some cases, an even longer title might fit into the SERPs. To see if the title fits all search engines, you can use a SERP preview tool.

The title tag shouldn’t be too short, either. If it is only, let’s say, 200px long, you are probably not using its potential fully.

Title Tag Examples:

Let’s take a look at examples of both badly and well-written titles. Let’s say I am looking for coffee shops in Prague. The following titles could be written much better.

Coffee shops Prague —> Title is too short and doesn’t say anything interesting. I don’t even want to click on it.

Places in Prague that serve you the best coffee —> I might want to click on it, but the keyword “coffee shops” is missing, so it might not even show up in the SERPs.

The most beautiful coffee shops in Prague with the best coffee and from the best professionals —> I would really like to click on this one, because there is a relevant keyword, and it is also appealing. But it’s also too long, and I probably wouldn’t see the whole title in the search results.

Here’s what an ideal title looks like:

The example above is neither too short or too long. It includes the keyword that I am looking for, and it says that I will discover the 10 best places. I really want to click on this one.

Meta Description

The meta description has a lot in common with the title tag or meta title that we were just talking about. Here are the differences. First, the meta description is not one of the ranking factors. However, it might influence your click-through rate from SERPs, which will affect the ranking. That’s why I recommend not to neglect the meta description copy.

Another difference from the title tag is that the description is much longer. In December 2017, Google increased the length of the meta description for desktop from 920px to 1,750px, or 320 characters. Now it is almost twice as long, so you have much more space for getting the attention of your potential customers. Sometimes, additional characters can fit into the SERPs which is why I recommend using pixels rather than the number of characters.

Meta Description Best Practices:

With a few exceptions, the best practices of the meta description are basically the same as for the title tag:

Each page should set exactly one meta description.

The meta description should be written relevantly to the page.

It should include targeting keywords.

The maximum length of the meta description is 1,750 px or 320 characters for desktop.

The maximum length of the meta description is 1350 px or 230 characters for mobile. It’s important to know how much of your traffic comes from mobile to properly optimize for where your customers are engaging with your content the most.

The meta description shouldn’t be too short, either. Use its full potential.

You are writing it for your potential customers and not for you. Instead of bragging about yourself, write what is in it for the customers.

Use a call to action in the copy like “Discover, try, experience, see…”

Meta Description Examples:

What does an ideal meta description look like? It’s important to know that again, there is no formula for meta description.

I will return to our example above. Even though it has a pretty sweet title, let’s take a closer look at the meta description:

This description focuses more on describing Prague than the coffee shops that I am looking for. It is irrelevant and too long to fit the SERPs. This occurs because the page doesn’t actually have a meta description set, so Google will pull text from the post to fill in.

I personally like this one below much more.

The length is ideal, it is well-written and creative. It says what’s in it for me and it includes the right keywords for me as the potential customer.

URLs

Setting up URLs for your whole website might be a very complex activity. If you are new to SEO, I recommend asking professional SEO specialists, along with UX specialists, to help you with that. If you have a more complex website, once you set up your URL structure, it becomes challenging to change it afterward, and it can also hurt the rankings.

But in general, there are a few rules that you should follow when creating a new URL:

The URL should be short.

It shouldn’t consist of excessive numbers or symbols.

It should include targeting keywords.

For example, when you create new content on the web regularly, like articles on a blog, you can influence a URL right away.

It is common practice that a URL is set up by default according to the name of the article. If this is your case, you probably end up with an unnecessarily long URL, which isn’t shown fully in the SERPs and might not even include the relevant keywords.

Let’s see some examples below. The URL in the first preview is good enough, and it is shown in the SERPs entirely. The URL in the second preview is unnecessarily long, and the important keywords are at the end.

Headings

The heading structure on the web is represented by tags <h1>—<h6>. It is necessary to have this structure because it helps both search engines and users understand the context of the web.

The most important of these tags is heading h1, which I recommend using for each of your pages. Together with the title, it tells the search engine what a page is about, and is also an accessibility tool for people who are blind or require reading assistance.

Even if you are not using subheadings in the text, you should at least place the <h1> tag there.

H1 Best Practices:

There should be exactly one h1 on each page.

The h1 should be unique.

It should include important keywords.

The h1 should describe what the page is about.

There is no pixel or characters limit but try to keep it short.

Examples of Heading Structure:

The usage of subheadings on level <h2> – <h6> depends on the context.

Incorrectly tagged:

<h1> Main heading of an article </h1>

<h2> Subheading on second level </h2>

<h2> Subheading on second level </h2>

<h1> Main heading of an article </h1>

<h3> Subheading on third level </h3>

Correctly tagged:

<h1> Main heading of an article </h1>

<h2> Subheading on second level </h2>

<h3> Subheading on third level </h3>

<h3> Subheading on third level </h3>

<h2> Subheading on second level </h2>

<h3> Subheading on third level </h3>

<h3> Subheading on third level </h3>

Internal Links 

Linking internally within the page means that you are making all of the pages accessible for both search engines and users. Internal links also pass the value and authority from one page to another. It’s called link equity (or “link juice”). To simplify, it means that the more internal links lead to the specific site, the more authority it gets for the search engines and the more accessible it is for the users.

Internal Linking Best Practices:

Make sure that all of your pages relate to each other.  This means that there is at least one link referring to it.

Don’t overlink. The more pages you are referring to, the less authority they will get. Consider which pages are really important and link only to them.

It is good practice to write your targeting keywords within the anchor text when referring to the specific page. It will help the search engine better understand what the page is about. But don’t over-optimize it. Write naturally.

Conclusion

These essential on-page SEO elements are something that you should start with when optimizing your site. In general, these rules are very simple. The most important thing to keep in mind is that you are writing for your customers and potential customers.

By following a few simple rules, you will be on your way to optimizing your SEO in no time.

Are there any important tips for on-page SEO optimization that I left out? Tell me about your best practices in the comments.

The post How to Optimize On-Page SEO to Maximize Your ROI appeared first on Marketo Marketing Blog - Best Practices and Thought Leadership.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8217493 https://blog.marketo.com/2018/05/optimize-on-page-seo-maximize-roi.html

[zacdhaenkeau]

How to Optimize On-Page SEO to Maximize Your ROI

SEO, or search engine optimization, seems to be an “unpredictable” or “magic” industry to some marketers. However, its elements are straightforward and built on solid ground. Once you know what kind of keywords your customers are looking for, you can start to play with it.

In this blog, you’ll learn about the most important on-page SEO elements and how to apply them to your marketing strategy.

Copy

The content of the page, therefore, its copy, is the most critical part of SEO. Keep that in mind before you start working on more technical stuff. There is no exact formula for how many keywords and in what density to put them into the text. You’ll likely find guides online that tell you otherwise, but in most cases, these formulas don’t make any sense. I recommend you ignore any rules you read and write naturally for your users.

That may seem a bit counterintuitive, because I am telling you to optimize without any specific optimization tricks. But consider the following example to illustrate what I mean: imagine you are selling black and brown kitchen tables, and when you are writing about them, you probably mention the colors a few times. But what if your customers are looking for dark tables instead? Consider switching out some of your instances of black with the word dark to reach customers on their terms.

Title Tag 

The title tag consisting of keywords is one of the elementary ranking factors. The title itself tells users and search engines what the page is about. Even though users don’t see this text directly on the page because it is placed in the code, search engines can read it, and they will show it in search engine results pages (SERPs).

Note: The title tag is not only used by search engines, but also by software that reads to people who have accessibility requirements or otherwise require reading assistance.

Title Tag Best Practices:

Each page should have exactly one title tag set.

The title should be written relevantly to the page.

It should include targeting keywords. However, don’t try to put too many keywords into the title, sometimes called keyword stuffing. One targeting keyword along with the descriptive text for one page is enough.

The maximum length of the title tag is 600px which is approximately 70 to 80 characters. But I don’t recommend focusing on characters, because in some cases, an even longer title might fit into the SERPs. To see if the title fits all search engines, you can use a SERP preview tool.

The title tag shouldn’t be too short, either. If it is only, let’s say, 200px long, you are probably not using its potential fully.

Title Tag Examples:

Let’s take a look at examples of both badly and well-written titles. Let’s say I am looking for coffee shops in Prague. The following titles could be written much better.

Coffee shops Prague —> Title is too short and doesn’t say anything interesting. I don’t even want to click on it.

Places in Prague that serve you the best coffee —> I might want to click on it, but the keyword “coffee shops” is missing, so it might not even show up in the SERPs.

The most beautiful coffee shops in Prague with the best coffee and from the best professionals —> I would really like to click on this one, because there is a relevant keyword, and it is also appealing. But it’s also too long, and I probably wouldn’t see the whole title in the search results.

Here’s what an ideal title looks like:

The example above is neither too short or too long. It includes the keyword that I am looking for, and it says that I will discover the 10 best places. I really want to click on this one.

Meta Description

The meta description has a lot in common with the title tag or meta title that we were just talking about. Here are the differences. First, the meta description is not one of the ranking factors. However, it might influence your click-through rate from SERPs, which will affect the ranking. That’s why I recommend not to neglect the meta description copy.

Another difference from the title tag is that the description is much longer. In December 2017, Google increased the length of the meta description for desktop from 920px to 1,750px, or 320 characters. Now it is almost twice as long, so you have much more space for getting the attention of your potential customers. Sometimes, additional characters can fit into the SERPs which is why I recommend using pixels rather than the number of characters.

Meta Description Best Practices:

With a few exceptions, the best practices of the meta description are basically the same as for the title tag:

Each page should set exactly one meta description.

The meta description should be written relevantly to the page.

It should include targeting keywords.

The maximum length of the meta description is 1,750 px or 320 characters for desktop.

The maximum length of the meta description is 1350 px or 230 characters for mobile. It’s important to know how much of your traffic comes from mobile to properly optimize for where your customers are engaging with your content the most.

The meta description shouldn’t be too short, either. Use its full potential.

You are writing it for your potential customers and not for you. Instead of bragging about yourself, write what is in it for the customers.

Use a call to action in the copy like “Discover, try, experience, see…”

Meta Description Examples:

What does an ideal meta description look like? It’s important to know that again, there is no formula for meta description.

I will return to our example above. Even though it has a pretty sweet title, let’s take a closer look at the meta description:

This description focuses more on describing Prague than the coffee shops that I am looking for. It is irrelevant and too long to fit the SERPs. This occurs because the page doesn’t actually have a meta description set, so Google will pull text from the post to fill in.

I personally like this one below much more.

The length is ideal, it is well-written and creative. It says what’s in it for me and it includes the right keywords for me as the potential customer.

URLs

Setting up URLs for your whole website might be a very complex activity. If you are new to SEO, I recommend asking professional SEO specialists, along with UX specialists, to help you with that. If you have a more complex website, once you set up your URL structure, it becomes challenging to change it afterward, and it can also hurt the rankings.

But in general, there are a few rules that you should follow when creating a new URL:

The URL should be short.

It shouldn’t consist of excessive numbers or symbols.

It should include targeting keywords.

For example, when you create new content on the web regularly, like articles on a blog, you can influence a URL right away.

It is common practice that a URL is set up by default according to the name of the article. If this is your case, you probably end up with an unnecessarily long URL, which isn’t shown fully in the SERPs and might not even include the relevant keywords.

Let’s see some examples below. The URL in the first preview is good enough, and it is shown in the SERPs entirely. The URL in the second preview is unnecessarily long, and the important keywords are at the end.

Headings

The heading structure on the web is represented by tags <h1>—<h6>. It is necessary to have this structure because it helps both search engines and users understand the context of the web.

The most important of these tags is heading h1, which I recommend using for each of your pages. Together with the title, it tells the search engine what a page is about, and is also an accessibility tool for people who are blind or require reading assistance.

Even if you are not using subheadings in the text, you should at least place the <h1> tag there.

H1 Best Practices:

There should be exactly one h1 on each page.

The h1 should be unique.

It should include important keywords.

The h1 should describe what the page is about.

There is no pixel or characters limit but try to keep it short.

Examples of Heading Structure:

The usage of subheadings on level <h2> – <h6> depends on the context.

Incorrectly tagged:

<h1> Main heading of an article </h1>

<h2> Subheading on second level </h2>

<h2> Subheading on second level </h2>

<h1> Main heading of an article </h1>

<h3> Subheading on third level </h3>

Correctly tagged:

<h1> Main heading of an article </h1>

<h2> Subheading on second level </h2>

<h3> Subheading on third level </h3>

<h3> Subheading on third level </h3>

<h2> Subheading on second level </h2>

<h3> Subheading on third level </h3>

<h3> Subheading on third level </h3>

Internal Links 

Linking internally within the page means that you are making all of the pages accessible for both search engines and users. Internal links also pass the value and authority from one page to another. It’s called link equity (or “link juice”). To simplify, it means that the more internal links lead to the specific site, the more authority it gets for the search engines and the more accessible it is for the users.

Internal Linking Best Practices:

Make sure that all of your pages relate to each other.  This means that there is at least one link referring to it.

Don’t overlink. The more pages you are referring to, the less authority they will get. Consider which pages are really important and link only to them.

It is good practice to write your targeting keywords within the anchor text when referring to the specific page. It will help the search engine better understand what the page is about. But don’t over-optimize it. Write naturally.

Conclusion

These essential on-page SEO elements are something that you should start with when optimizing your site. In general, these rules are very simple. The most important thing to keep in mind is that you are writing for your customers and potential customers.

By following a few simple rules, you will be on your way to optimizing your SEO in no time.

Are there any important tips for on-page SEO optimization that I left out? Tell me about your best practices in the comments.

The post How to Optimize On-Page SEO to Maximize Your ROI appeared first on Marketo Marketing Blog - Best Practices and Thought Leadership.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8217493 https://blog.marketo.com/2018/05/optimize-on-page-seo-maximize-roi.html