#and now that im relying on them financially its like i cant

[angelpuns]

Keeping a mental tally of how many times my parents/family are blatantly racist/homophobic in my little brain head so I have a reminder of why it sucks here :)

[locklylemybeloved]

i can sort of understand why ppl are calling lockwood kaz brekker dupe, but like,,, think abt it. they have their similarities but in NO WAY are they “same character, different font”. like at all. (bear with me, this is gonna be long asf, dont say i didnt warn you) DISCLAIMER THIS POST IS BY BOTH A SOC AND A LNCO FAN I LOVE BOTH WITH ALL OF MY HEART

yes, they both are edgy white boys who have dead parents and were left to be taken care of by an older sibling whose death scarred them forever. yes they both wear suits. yes they both call the girl they love some form of financial holding. yes they have ungodly amts of trauma and mental issues and are now the assigned leader of their respective found families. thats all valid. but.

kaz brekker is a child yes (well, like, seventeen but whatever. still a child.) but hes not a teen in the sense that lockwood is. hes hardened, cruel, and quite literally a dangerous crime boss. he is a criminal mastermind, hes super smart, always has a plan, almost always seems to be controlling everything.

and then theres lockwood. yes lockwood seems dark and mysterious, but thats partly just cause were seeing it from lucys pov for the most part. hes insanely charming tho, always smiling and outright showing his love to george and lucy (and holly) even tho, yeah, he could do better when it comes to romantic love for lucy. but hes not a mastermind. hes smart, yes, but hes reckless. hes impulsive. kaz mulls over things a million times, starts planning with each teeny step, lockwood takes one look at a problem and thinks quick little thoughts in his brain and formulates a plan. and then does it. like, way more often then not they are extremely dangerous and in many cases borderline suicidal.

lockwood relies on charm for the most part when it comes to living beings, but when that doesnt work, when he cant get someone to do what he needs, hes almost lost. look at barnes, winkman for gods sake. when hes hit a million times, he breaks, and he shows it. and he isnt always outright violent. and in that way, he just seems so much more like a kid than kaz brekker.

again, i totally understand why ppl think theyre similar, they def are, i mean on top of the stuff i already said, theres also the fact that they both only do what they do with the amt of zeal that they have bcs they are seaking revenge in their own ways. and then theres the cane/rapier thing, and ofc like i already said but im saying it again, jessica/jordie. and theres probably more.

but my point is, THEY ARE NOT THE SAME CHARACTER. THEYVE MADE THEIR MISTAKES, THEYVE DONE SIMILAR THINGS, BUT IN THERE DEPTHS THEY ARE SO DIFFERENT. yes i see the similarities, but i can also see all of the differences. and yes, saying kaz brekker dupe can be funny if its a joke, but it also feels a little bit like ppl are trying to mash lockwood into something hes not. and it bugs me sometimes.

[gothmods]

[Obligatory disclaimer that i do believe art used in ai training should be an opt in on the part of artists, because while ai image generation is not inherently art theft, i think its fair to want to know how an ai engine operates and what the terms of use are and to be able to make a decision based on that*]

(*hypothetical examples - what are the user policies wrt offensive content, will you yourself be able to access this ai tool, is this a tool primarily intended for use by individuals or is it being pitched heavily at a corporate audience)

Preamble over, anyways

The invoking of 'consent' language wrt to ai art is....interesting to me. And i dont entirely know how to feel about it because while what i stated at the top of this post could be described as informed consent, what im seeing largely is not consent as you would discuss when collecting/storing/applying data (think procedures for data collection in scientific studies or in other tech developments). Rather it feels like what is being said is that it is a violation of consent to create a derivitive work in a medium the artist/s do not approve of.

Which putting aside that thats not quite how ai art works - its all very interesting to me as someone who works in traditional mediums because its so....out of touch i guess?

The obvious example would be collage, i dont have to seek out permissions from photographers and journalists to display (or sell) a collage that uses parts of their work. But that is a boring example and one that does not push the conversation around transformative works.

Now if i made a 2m × 2m photo print of a banksy work and wrote "wanksy" on it with a sharpie, should i need to seek the permission of mr banksy to exhibit it? Do i owe banksy royalties for the use of his work? If in that same exhibition i display a sculpture of mickey mouse tearing a man apart like a rapid animal, should disney be able to sue me for damaging their image?

The critics may well say these works are uninspired, a clumsy and immature attempt at satire. The public might find my detailed rendition of michael mouse devouring human flesh to be grotesque and an affront to the eye. That is all fine - as in they should be able to criticise my work freely, even if i ultimately disagree with what they say and appear 2 weeks later in an interview saying the 7 year old who cried so hard he threw up at my opening night was an industry plant intended to stir up bad press.

The question on the table is whether i am free to create those works - and more generally whether or not transformative art is acknowledged as art, even if you feel some of it is shite.

What even is transformative art? How do you draw a line between what is transformative and what is merely copy? I dont think there is a hard line, at least not one that could be defined and upheld in a legal setting.

There is a lot of art out there that i think is crap, that i think has nothing of interest to say, that i think is a hollow imitation of the works of others. I think its vital to the state of the arts that we can have those conversations. But i dont think the complexities of these conversations can be captured in legislation - nor do i wish for them to be. If copyright laws enabled disney to come knocking i would simply be too broke to even fight it in court.

And while most artists and even a large chunk of businesses are not the mass of financial power that is disney, that doesnt change that i could not afford a lawyer and that the "profits" i make on my work are.....well you cant really call them profits.

Which is not to say i think art theft is okay, or that it doesnt happen in the traditional arts. Rather that while i think art theft makes you a dickhead and an uninspired hack i do not think relying on legal structures to inform ethics in the arts is the solution. I dont necessarily think there even is a single solution, and more broadly when looking at arts and ethics there are a lot of grey areas (one of my favourite artists is paul yore who is...not a stranger to controversy in this regard)

But even if we look at the flip side, if we assume a singular distinction between what is art theft and what is inspiration or transformative can be concluded. If we extend intellectual property laws to cover the expanses of the art world.

I am...still broke. Even if i did want the ability to sue someone for stealing my intellectual property (i do not), even if i could prove beyond reasonable doubt that my triangular vase was distinct enough to be solely my creation and that other people using that shape were commiting a crime. I do not have the money to take it to court. Even if i did i doubt i could argue that that theft had resulted in lost income.

Which is the whole point of intellectual property laws, it isnt about protecting the sanctity of creative mediums, its about protecting capital. Which is why companies are able to use copyright laws to profit off of the work of a designer without that designer being fairly compensated. And its why target could mass produce a recast of my work (they wouldnt but only because what i do has no mass commercial appeal) without consequence. And expanding those laws would only make it harder for the arts as a medium to progress, would only make things harder for those of us at the bottom of the ladder. Not that i want to climb that ladder anyway, i want to tip it over and set it on fire.

But even outside of copyright and ownership and all that - i think its important to recognise that you can think the art someone does is absolute crap, that its trite, lazy, that its the stupidest idea ever concieved, and still accept that they should be able to make it. And that bad art is not representative of a medium as a whole.

Even when you get into more serious ethical matters some things are complex and i think there are some conversations that should be gone about with more care (the previously mentioned paul yore comes to mind again).

Theres no concluding point here but thats kind of the point to begin with - that there isnt a clean cut solution.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

i've started watching the last leg because you speak so highly of it, and i'm obsessed. my current thoughts are:

-you're right, adam hills would be amazing on taskmaster. -i cannot believe they had boris johnson on. like. i saw it happen and yet its so bizarre to me. -adam and alex doing impersonations of josh made me choke on my sandwich laughing why are impressions of him always so funny -i've only seen josh on taskmaster and hypothetical, but the more i find out about him the more it feels like im looking in a mirror (english, short, unruly hair, scared of balloons, wearer of plaid shirts, strange hand gestures, sits on one foot etc) -adams many attempts at accents never cease to amuse me. i think my favourite so far is "i'm absolutely devasted... and slightly south african" from the greek financial crisis bit. -live shows normally make me anxious because you cant cut out awkward moments but i genuinely love when you can hear one of them (usually alex tbh) still giggling at a joke in the background even when they move onto another section. -i feel like now they've definitely gotten into their stride but i do miss the early series "what the hell are we doing" vibes (i really want to watch the og 2012 series but i get the impression that thats lost forever.) -i spent five series waiting for the sofa's awkwardly positioned armrest to catch someone out, thanks alan davies i knew i could rely on you to comically sit on thin air

sorry this is so long, i've completely fallen in love with this show and i feel like i could go on forever. anyway basically yeah thank you so much for making this show accessible and talking about it because now my entertainment is sorted for at least the next month.

This is an absolutely lovely message, thank you for writing it! First of all, never apologize for dropping something like this in my inbox (or ask box, or whatever). If you like something I like, I love hearing about that! If you like something like that and it’s because my blog got you into it, telling me that gives me all the fun of getting to talk about things I like, plus I love knowing this blog is helpful in spreading good things! Genuinely, that’s awesome.

Also, just in general, I am the last person to whom anyone should apologize for writing something that's too long. Every once in a while I'll see a post on Tumblr that's tagged "long post" and is shorter than my average one, and I remember that I was not built for the Twitter generation. I actually work as an editor in real life, where I make sure all writing is tightened up and concise, and then I come on here and do not give one fuck about that. I love seeing others do the same.

- With Franke Boyle already cast, Adam Hills may have moved into the number one spot as my dream Taskmaster contestant. Not because he’s my very favourite comedian who’s never done Taskmaster (I mean he’s up there, just not quite number one), but because of all the comedians who’ve never done Taskmaster, I think he has the personality that would be most suited for the format. And by “personality suited to the format”, I mean obsessively competitive, with a penchant for showing off at every opportunity.

- It’s hard for me to justify how much I enjoyed their Boris Johnson interview, because I realize that’s an actual issue. “Comedy washing” politicians by putting them on entertainment shows that make them seem more fun and palpable, and to raise their public profile. Boris Johnson in particular did a bunch of that for he rose through political ranks, the big one being Have I Got News For You. My best justification for The Last Leg’s Boris Johnson interview is that they were only in their second season when they had him on, a weird late-night talk show that hadn’t gained traction yet, so they can’t have contributed much to his publicity. But still, it’s something they’re guilty of in general at times. With other members of Boris Johnson’s family, and Sayeeda Warsi, Alastair Campbell, a few others. Now that I think about it I guess the interview that Alex Brooker did with Nick Clegg in 2015 counts as that, even though I thought that entire interview was very well done and I enjoyed watching it.

Disclaimer aside, the Boris Johnson episode was really interesting, though. Really weird that they got him on when they were so new to it, new enough so he raised their profile more than they raised his, which is kind of a defense from comedy washing. I loved watching the three hosts find different ways of responding to him. Adam Hills getting excited about the opportunity to try to show off journalism skills, which he sort of did okay but then messed up a few times. Josh Widdicombe just awkwardly looking from one of them to the other, like he couldn’t believe it was happening. And Alex Brooker just entertained that the man with funny hair from TV was in the room with them.

The Nick Clegg one was done better. I enjoyed the tension between the politician trying to seem fun among comedians, and the comedians trying to be intellectual enough to justify having the Deputy Prime Minister on their show, and both sides clearly having no confidence in their ability to do that to the other side’s standards. But Adam pulled him into some good back-and-forth, successfully hit a couple of things that he’d swung at and missed in the Boris Johnson episodes (to use a sort of clumsy sports analogy). And when they sat down for the actual interview, I thought Alex did a genuinely good job of asking questions well and making him respond properly. It’s still probably not good that it happened. But it did, and it doesn’t add to any damage done if you or I watch those episodes now and enjoy them. I don’t think Nick Clegg is exactly poised to make a big comeback on the strength of how human and engaging he seemed on that one episode of The Last Leg in 2015, and any comebacks from Johnson will not be fueled by that.

- Okay, sorry about the above paragraphs, I did not mean to go negative in a post about a show that I, by and large, very very much like. Josh Widdicombe impressions! Josh Widdicombe impressions are funny and do not in any way contribute to the collapse of British civilization! Have you seen this compilation of Josh Widdicombe impressions, put together by someone on Reddit? It’s really entertaining. Adam’s entire repertoire of Josh impressions consists of putting a hand on his hip and saying “Pret a Manger”, it’s great.

- The number of weird little things about Josh Widdicombe is a bit amazing. The leg sitting thing combined with the hand gestures. The inability to sing or do accents, but sometimes he gives it a go. The fear of anything that makes a noise. The plaid shirts are lesbian appropriation that I do not mind one bit. By which I mean it turns out my sexual orientation is "mainly attracted to women, can make an exception for men who look enough like lesbians".

- All of Adam Hills’ accents end up a bit South African, no matter how they start. Including when he’s imitating Australian people, and does a weird thing where he sounds like an English person pretending to have an Australian accent, and it still ends up South African. Also great.

- The element of their show being live does add to it at times. Especially in early episodes, when none of them were quite used to it yet. I used to be unnerved by how often it would feel like Josh was making eye contact with me, until I realized there was a screen right above the camera that showed what it was filming, and he kept self-consciously using it as a mirror. Fucking adorable. I mean all of those early episodes were adorable. Just Adam Hills desperately trying to capitalize on this chance of finally getting his own show and wanting to make it run smoothly and well, and Baby Josh and Baby Alex pretty much spent the first eight-ish seasons just like:

Oh, and I love how much Alex Brooker's inability to stop laughing on cue it on display in the live format. Which is also on display in this compilation, by that same Reddit person, which I'm sure you'd like if you haven't seen it. Highlights how sometimes a joke will just completely take Alex apart, and he doesn't seem to have a lot of control over how fast he puts himself back together, which can be a problem when Adam's trying to read the next autocue bit so the show can stay on schedule.

I've looked around for the London 2012 episodes before, and they may be lost to history. I am glad the Rio 2016 episodes were out there, though. Those are some of my favourite episodes of the whole show, they were all on top form during the actual Paralympics. It's too bad they had to change things for Tokyo; I hope they get to go to Paris and do that again.

- I miss the awkward impractical sofa. I hoped they'd have it back by now, having switched to a much more reasonable seating arrangement during COVID. Go back to being weird and impractical, guys.

Again, I'm really glad you've enjoyed it! This show has its ups and downs, and legitimate criticisms of it (from the same criticisms that could be leveled at any light entertainment/talk show that can be formulaic at times, to some more serious stuff, I was really unhappy with their post-queen death episode), but my God, it is so much fun! I just really, really like all three of those people, and that can carry the show through just about anything. Positive aspects of the show can also range from the lighthearted (three comedians with very good chemistry having fun together) to something deeper (they make fun of people lauding Important Disability Representation, and rightly so because there's a lot of inspiration porn bullshit that needs undercutting, but also, it is genuinely important disability representation, drawing attention to para sport athletes who otherwise wouldn't have mainstream coverage, and once in a blue moon we get genuinely touching moments related to that). The Last Leg at its best is this genre of TV show at its best.

Again, thanks for that, I will always be happy for an opportunity to talk about this show. And it makes me very happy to know I got someone else into it, that's awesome!

[worldoflittlemissdestiny]

dear God are you listening? its me destiny!

okay so im losing it. i had a meeting with anouk today about my contract and she told me she doesnt think im ready. why tf would you promote me then ??? make me sick. that was really my final straw with ayla. ayla is not the same anymore since anouk came in. ill take what i first experienced at ayla as a goal of how i want my bar to run! from staff to structure! i want to look after my staff no lie to them. and i really dont like how xenne was like i put you for grace this weekend. doesnt even ask or care how much i work. that wouldve put me for 6 days like wtf. i dont feel like anyone is looking out for me anymore. the glitter and sparkle of ayla has dissipated. i really dont enjoy how things are being run. we went from 2 prep days to one. went from 2-3 bartenders to 1. we went from everyone caring to no one giving a fuck. i need to figure out whats up. i feel like i still have the title because im in the managers chat still so im gonna end the year at ayla, but i do not want ayla to be my only source of income. i need more balance and im taking a step back from ayla. i want to be the bar manager but i dont want shifts. ill figure it out. i need to mature be the best fucking manager they ever expected! im not taking a full time contract i just want the pay! im not taking any contract from them. they had their chance. xen even started the meeting when i got prompted that he was on masha for my contract but when i ask him he tells me to ask anouk. i dont feel looked out for. so i need to gain what i can from there! i want to be like yasmine part time only and getting my main source of income from somewhere else. im going to try to sell art and digital products on etsy. i ask for more time off so im giving myself 2 months to see what i can do for myself. i might even try to do youtube again. we'll see how it goes but i have now been shown i cant rely on ayla. when i become more financially stable maybe then ill look for another bar job maybe finally take spikizi or smth. but i know ayla doesnt have my back. i love james, yas benji, and gabby......... and sergio,,,, and carlos. but i cant stay for them. and if theyre supposed to stay in my life they will. but i need to live for me!

[mademoisellehypergamy]

This may be along letter but I have to share it with you qnd I know that U can help me and you will do ur best 🤍

First thing, Im going and Ive gone through alots of spiritual change, mental and just personality change like alots ... and the thing is now is time for me to let go of things and discover new things, for example fangirl life, twitter idk kpop, those common interests but in the same time idk how or what shall I do, Im here to take some of your advice since u are such an inspiring woman to me.

+ As I grow up, Im the youngest child in family and the only girl, my family, my bros made me like I cant do anything right, My opinions are always wrong and I just cant live on my own, so I end up  being too scared to see new things or take any decision cuz maybe " its wrong " " who said is right " idk is just too unsure and scared that I cant do it, and Im always wrong even in the little things like " i like apple " they made me feel like a fool, childish for liking it ... or even in the small things they alwqys make fun of me smh, and Im very sensitive too. So if u have any advice on how u became the person u are or if u can share with me u know ur tips ur daily life becuz I really want to learn from and U always inspired me.

Also in the feminine side, my mom was never interested in these things cuz she is naturally feminine and pretty ... so if u have any tips share it with me darling 🤍 ( like how to generally take care of my body / washing, vagina / im also so hairy so it makes me feel a bit insecured too )

I hope if u can share with us alots of ur wisdom and thoughts and everything and pls advice me how to grow from this circle and end it to be a powerful women 💖

Note: Im 18 yo

Hi love,

Awww, reading your message reminded me of my younger sister 🥰 I’m sorry it took so long to reply back to your message. I hope this will help you. In the future I will make a more detailed post about hygiene, but this will help you get started.

🌸 Mademoiselle Hypergamy’s Basic Hygiene Tips 🌸

🌸 Shower Daily. You may have to shower more depending on how active you are, the climate you’re in, and how much you sweat.

Your shower routine should include:

- Washing your ENTIRE body. Your feet/in between your toes, behind your ears, your buttocks, everything! - Use soap. Alright, this sounds silly, but when I was in college I had a roommate who never showered with soap. Please use soap. Use it with a loofah/washcloth/silicone bath brush/etc.

🌸Incorporate Dry Brushing. Do this prior to showering on dry skin. This will help prevent cellulite and keep your skin smooth and firm as you age.

🌸Wash Your Vagina. Do not put soap in the vagina! You can use a gentle cleanser/pH balanced feminine wash (I recommend Rael Natural, vH Essentials, Organyc) on the exterior vaginal area. Never use soap inside the vagina, just water! Click here to watch a video to see the actual motions. *The video isn’t graphic, but I wouldn’t recommend watching it in public lol*  

🌸 Remove Body Hair. Shaving is probably the most accessible way to remove body hair at 18. If you are able to, I would recommend waxing or sugaring (especially if you want to remove pubic hair). Eventually, I’d recommend laser hair removal because it REALLY makes a difference! Be consistent about removing underarm hair if you struggle with body odor.

- Use body scrubs prior to shaving to prevent in-grown hairs and “strawberry legs”.  - Always shave with a fresh razor.

🌸Use Rich Creams After Showers/Baths. Always use thick, luxurious creams on your skin to keep it hydrated!

🌸 Wash Your Hair When Needed. Washing your hair every day is not good! Wash it when it’s very oily/dirty. Invest in quality products. Always use conditioner. 

🌸 Deodorant. Use it! There’s a variety on the market to choose from :) 

Some other just general tips I have to take care of your body: - Work out. Even if it’s just walking. Aim to do this 3x a week. - Drink. Water. I can’t stress this enough! - Use sunscreen. Everyday. You’ll thank me later. - Sleep; Unless you are a student studying for an important exam, there is no reason you should be staying up every night.  - Maintain your hands and feet. Make sure your nails are clean. Make sure your skin is hydrated. 

As for your family, it’s important to keep in mind that although they matter, at the end of the day you came into this world alone and you will leave alone. You must be able to rely on yourself, and that begins with trusting yourself. If you continue to let them influence you, you will never be able to achieve your full potential. 

They may have filled you with doubt, but I promise you that trusting yourself is the best decision. Sure, you can listen to their input, but your choices at the end of the day is the most important. Start by making small decisions for yourself (who you’ll hang out with, what hobbies you’ll pursue), and when you see that the decision ended up positive, it’ll be easier to trust yourself.

As for myself, I became the way I am by deciding that I was going to live life on my terms. Just like when someone decides to be a lawyer, they go to college, take the LSAT, then law school. I made that decision, and began to live my life accordingly. ❤️ 

The only thing you must do is decide to be hypergamous, and then make a plan. Level up. Be smart. Be financially and mentally secure. Don’t settle. Only date men who align with your vision. Realize almost everyone around you can help you get from point A to point Z. 

You also never have to give up your interests (like Kpop). If you enjoy it and it doesn’t hurt anyone, keep it. Just add some hobbies/interests :)

Good luck!

[steveandbucky]

why do your homework when u can write essays on tumblr dot com

it's so FUCKED UP i spent years and years thinking that my parents fucked me up because like, i cannot function like a normal person, because i went to uni for a psych degree, got a 2:1, and an anxiety disorder lmao and just thinking back about all the horrible things and identifying the abuse for what it was? abuse. and u just.. u think ur the only person walking around with trauma but ur not. not even to minimise anyones suffering but i think there's a lot of people whose parents fucked them up? even in minor ways? for me it was realising that the damage is not.. irrepairable. like i say a lot of the time. i am fucked up. damaged beyond repair. but thats not even true because i'm doing SO. MUCH. BETTER. even right now my relationship with my parents has never been better as it is today!!!! what!!! they're still insufferable and i cannot live with them and i will fight with them but like.. ok and. that just happens lmao. it means i care. if i stop fighting it means i dont care anymore.

AND THEN after all this to come to the realisation that like, ok i have anxiety, and i had undiagnosed adhd as a child and since neither me nor my parents nor teachers nor ANYONE in our immediate circle had ever even HEARD of adhd, it just went unnoticed, it was Difficult Child Syndrome and it made things so so bad BUT. I TURNED OUT PRETTY GREAT LMAO. i dont even care if the road that brought me here was hell.. i think through hardships i did learn kindness? like i want to break the cycle. i want to be nice to my sister. i want to forgive and move on WHICH IS SUPER HARD and nothing i could have done willingly. it just happened one day. i let go. i wasn't angry anymore. but! they did a great job raising me! for real! at least i'm not an asshole (not a big one anyway, asshole with a small a) at least i'm not completely self absorbed? at least im not obsessed with shit like looks, fame, money? at least i have like, at least SOME common sense (the rest of it i lost in the war <3)? at least i know how to take care of myself and cook for myself and can do a decent job cleaning my house lmao i mean. at least i understand what respect looks like, when given and received. no offense but my parents raised me to be a capable adult who can handle her own shit idk what they did right but kudos hey. and i'm not even trying to brag here, i am a very flawed person i know that! and i can even say that i LIKE that i can acknowledge that and work on myself, instead of being confronted about my behaviour and replying with, "i am okay with myself" lmao

but! i think i'm pretty okay and i do owe it to my parents. despite all their flaws and mistakes and what they did to me when i was just a kid, at least they have some solid...morals? life philosophy? now that money is not much of an issue, they're honestly just. better. and i think a LOT of the anger and lashing out and all that was just because poverty anxiety does that to a person (and like, the rest of it was, ykno, cycle of abuse, bc abused people abuse people, and generational trauma dating back to the 1800's, probably) like. idk i look at our relatives and social circle and cant imagine having anyone else as my parents.. the bar is fucking low but they are the best. and they have been supportive of me and continue being supportive, it doesnt matter if they have a different idea of me in their head, and they dont know a lot of shit about me that they'd disapprove of lmao. at least they'll never leave me stranded?? at least i can rely on them? like there's things they can't help me with but they'll help in the ways they can.

like i wanted a fair resolution for the deposit return since my ex flatmate was pushing to keep the full amount of her half and i kept telling her that's not fucking fair but like. i think after talking to my mum i realised it doesnt matter. she made some really good points and she's right im not going to stoop to her level. bc in reality i dont care about money. if i put things in plain numbers, im struggling a lot more with my financials, and i dont have her salary or job security or even her parents 6-figure salaries to fall back on. but im not the one who basically threw away a friendship of 11+ yrs for like. £1038 lmao i mean yeah that's a lot of money but at the end of the day its fucking money. looking back, everything basically comes down to the money, the way she acted once we gave our notice. kinda pathetic actually. never expected her to be this greedy, immature person. but i guess i can't expect much more from someone who can't handle doing anything on her own. and when i talked to my mum and she put things in this perspective and i realised that's what it was, and it was never going to work out, because this is me trying to be fair and resolve things peacefully, putting in the effort, and just being met with aggression and pettiness and snakiness. but yeah. at least my parents raised me right

[moidse]

Just found out i didnt get into the sundance thing that i stayed up all night writing a script for last week 🙃 i truly feel so defeated right now. Like ahhhhhh, i was nominated to apply for this and STILL got rejected. I dont even apply to anything anymore because I don't have any hope. Nobody likes my shit anymore... it sucks. I dont even like my shit anymore... idk if i ever did i was just in school before and had a lot of positive feedback.

I just feel lost creatively. Like fully. I don't feel confident in my music. I dont feel confident in my writing. I just feel like I can't make anything that good nor do i have the funds to even if i had a good idea.

I just don't want to apply to any of these things anymore because I know they aren't looking for stuff like my work. Idk i just am tired and feel like i didnt take advantage of my first films success because i didnt know how and was still in school. Whatever, it doesnt matter how i could rewrite the past now... i just need to think about the future ... which is also depressing..

Like i cant afford to live on my own out here and i dont feel 100 about our relationship but i cant afford to live on my own so i feel trapped like i gotta still live in the same house which i do not want. I just feel stuck and depressed and i was really hoping i was going to get into this sundance thing and it could lead to more opportunities for me. Idk what to do... i feel like a has been.

In an ideal world, I'd like to live in a different apartment, possibly in LA. I'd like to start producing and making music for fun, making video ideas I have for fun and not stressing about how the world will perceive my art. I want to have a job that isn't super stressful and ideally works with my degree. I need a car.

---- few days later vv

I just want to be financially independent but its so hard because this world sux. I have been feeling like im in this relationship as a means of survival and i hate it!!! This has gone on too far and is just toxic and bad for everyone. I just need to break up with them like fr... and talk out me moving out soon and figure it out. I can't keep this up much longer im TIRED. And i hate how im jusy hurting them more and more like i just need to go and be like yo I'm sorry my feelings have just gone away and i honestly have felt like i cant talk about this because i rely on you so much for housing and transportation and so ive felt stuck.

Its fucked up that im with someone i dont think is hot... but like what do you do if you arent as into your partner... you break up so they can find someone who will be a good partner to them.

[jksingingfirstlove]

woah time to document stuff for future me. in a past post, i mentioned how distance from family makes my mental health better and how i feel like i wont be able to move out on my own since my experience is so low and i feel rly dependent on others. well, future me, ur at a point in ur life where u dont feel that as hard!! go you :)

i moved out to an apartment w a couple of friends since its my senior yr of college. obv, not a great financial decision, but i feel fulfilled and i think i wouldve regretted it if i hadnt. honestly, if covid was gone and school was still online i wouldve been fine w living w my parents - i wouldve been able to hang out w friends, study at libraries/coffee shops, etc. but bc of covid i wasn't able to do those things, so moving out has allowed me to study in a new-ish place, and hang out w the friends i live w. and im able to concentrate on all my work instead of family issues.

i still dont have much experience, but i got a job and research position in stuff semi-related to what i want to do in the future (tech)! so that's helped me feel a bit better (if nothing else, having an income again for the first time in a year just feels really good). and i still feel dependent on others, as many ppl do, but in july something changed that has made me feel more prepared than ever to enter post-grad life:

i got my license!!!!!!!! finally, after 2 years of cancelling appointments and broken tail lights, lol. i genuinely feel as though not having my license was the main thing that made me feel dependent on others. i still don't have a car or drive much, but just knowing that i have the option to not have to rely on others makes me so happy!!

so anyway, those were the updates. now on to what i initially was going to write about: feeling overwhelmed. i did this all to myself, and honestly im glad to be have said yes to so many of these opportunities. but it doesn't stop me from feeling as though im doing poorly in a lot of stuff. i have midterms this week for all of my classes and i havent watched most of the lectures. i need to catch up on work for my job. i need to finish projects for my 2 extracurricular programs. and on top of that all, i want to be there for my friends

my friends matter a lot to me. and they've been going through a lot this year. i never want to pull the "im too busy to give u time" card bc i know that what matters most to me in life are the people i love. but god, i feel so tired and busy all the fricking time.

ive noticed it with my apartment mates especially. their classes have been going a lot slower than mine have, for some reason, so i feel like im constantly shutting myself in to my room to finish work while they are able to hang out. im not jealous or anything bc im so introverted i need that space, but i cant wait to feel less busy.

i think im someone who is outwardly super optimistic. i keep my struggles private, except with my sisters. its not a good thing, but i think i dont rly let my friends be the sort of supportive friend that i am to them, u know? i always schedule rant sessions and fts and make time when im worried about them. and i never want them to worry about me.

anyway, long post over. future me, i hope u are happy. i hope u take care of urself. i hope u continue to put the people u love first.

[inyournightmares97]

My Youth (Chapter 6)

Broken and miserable, Park Jinyoung returns to his hometown to learn that no matter how hard he falls, there are still people who think he’s a hero.

Warnings: Mentions of suicide/depression, death, angst, slow build, maybe some language.(Please don’t ask when I’ll update. Wait until the series is finished to read if you’re impatient.)

Word Count: 5.7k+

(Can’t put links to the other parts here, please check my Masterlist/the reblog for the Prologue and Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5)

“-Mom, I’m busy,” Jinyoung muttered into the phone. He had been sitting in a crucial meeting with the Finance Director of GOT Tech and representatives of the Financial Regulatory Board. Receiving approval for his company to go public was one of the most critical and risky steps in Jinyoung’s career.

His mother, however, had been calling him constantly for the last twenty minutes.

Mrs. Park sounded upset. “I’m sorry, Jinyoung, dear. I just needed to reach you-”

“Mom, I’m in an extremely important meeting right now. Do you know how it looks when the Managing Director of GOT Group keeps getting calls from his mother during business meetings? What do you want from me?” Jinyoung demanded in a frustrated whisper, running his fingers through his hair. He tried not to let his agitation show on his face; the other high-profile attendees of the meeting could still see him through the glass wall of the conference room.

“Jinyoung, there’s been a terrible tragedy in town,” his mother began nervously. “I don’t… I don’t know how to tell you this, but i suppose there’s no easy way to talk about a death.  Remember I told you that I’ve been going to the hospital every day to meet-”

Jinyoung felt a burst of irritation. The clock was ticking. The Board members were waiting for him impatiently and he could see the disapproval on their faces. “Mom, did you call me to tell me that someone died?”

“Well… yes, but-”

“Mom, I have been preparing for this presentation for months. The future of my company depends on this meeting. This is absolutely the worst time you could have chosen to tell me something like this,” Jinyoung muttered through gritted teeth. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. “Please don’t mess up my focus right now. We can talk about this later. Do you need anything from me urgently?”

Mrs. Park hesitated. “You always seem to be busy these days. I just thought… if we could maybe help out with the funeral expenses or the hospital bills…”

Jinyoung closed his eyes. “Mom, you can just call my secretary for that. She’ll send you whatever amount you need. Send them flowers from me or something, okay? I have to go now.”

“Take care, Jinyoung, dear-”

“Bye, Mom.”

Jinyoung hung up and sighed, pressing his fingers to his temple. His personal secretary had followed him out of the room and was watching him nervously. He hadn’t even asked his mother who it was that had passed away. Was it somebody he knew? Maybe it was best that he didn’t think about it too much for now.

“Take my Mom’s call and ask her who died, send them money for the funeral and all those formalities,” Jinyoung told his secretary shortly. She nodded and made a note of it on her phone quickly while Jinyoung cleared his mind.

Focus. The presentation. The numbers.  

Jinyoung took a deep, calming breath and plastered a rehearsed smile on his face before he turned to enter the conference room once more.

“I’m so sorry to keep you gentlemen waiting,” Jinyoung greeted all the well-dressed men with a bright smile. “I hope you can forgive me. Mothers seem to have a knack for calling at the most inconvenient times, don’t they?”

The men chuckled politely. “That’s perfectly fine, Mr. Park.”

“May I begin the presentation?”

“Please, do.”

--------

Jinyoung believed that to achieve something great, you needed to make certain sacrifices.

He had always known that the path he was embarking upon was not an easy one. Establishing your own business meant that you didn't get off work at 5 pm sharp, you couldn’t spend your weekends at a countryside cabin or getting drinks with your friends. You needed to keep working until things got done. You needed to compete in the market. You needed to be strong enough to pick up after your losses and clever enough to make friends in the right places. People were depending on you.

Jinyoung hadn’t merely chosen a career, he had chosen a life.

A very lonely life.

Whenever his mother would call him and try to have a casual chat, Jinyoung would find himself irritated. Who cared whether Mrs. Lee from the grocery store was giving a discount on strawberry bread? What did it matter if Mr. Cha had been trying to sell his little farmland? There was important work to be done. Jinyoung needed to talk to the advertising agents to make sure his products were being launched properly, he needed to negotiate discounts with suppliers to ensure he could meet the planned pricing goals. There were employees relying on him. There were investors who had trusted him with their money. There were quarterly goals that had to be met.

Every second of Jinyoung’s time was precious. Why couldn’t everyone understand that? Why couldn’t his mother stop thinking that her tiny little world in this tiny little town was everything, and understand the importance of what her son was doing?

There are a limited number of hours every man has at his disposal. We each make a conscious choice regarding how to spend each one.

It was only now, standing in front of your mother’s grave, that Jinyoung came a terrifying realization.

He had made the wrong choices.

------

“It was heart failure,” Mrs. Park whispered.

Jinyoung’s hands clutched the cup of tea firmly. It was hot and uncomfortable, but not more than the sick feeling in his stomach. Every word his mother spoke made him feel more pathetic.

What had he been doing all those months while your mother was in hospital and when she’d died? Preparing for his company to go public? Sitting in meetings and sucking up to corporate officials? Only to be fired and thrown out of the company. Only to have missed the death of somebody who had trusted him and cared for him.

“But she couldn’t have been that old…” Jinyoung muttered.

Mrs. Park shook her head softly. “She’d always had a weak heart, Jinyoung. Her health was fragile and after her husband passed away she had no choice but to work to support her daughter. All those long hours and late nights for years… they took their toll in the end. She had her first stroke three years ago. She was in hospital for a few weeks and then she had the second one; the one that took her life.”

Jinyoung closed his eyes, remembering your mother in his mind’s eye.

“She always looked tired. And worried.”

“She was.” Mrs. Park reached out and placed a hand over her son’s nervously. “I’m sorry, Jinyoung. I should have told you about it sooner. But you were always so busy in Seoul, always doing important things. It never seemed like the right time to tell you about something so devastating. It’s my fault.”

Jinyoung let out a small scoff. “Don’t take the blame on yourself. That doesn’t help me.”

Mrs. Park looked upset. “Jinyoung-”

She was interrupted by a loud knocking at the front door. Jinyoung closed his eyes and pressed his fingers to his temple while he listened to his father go to the door and yell at the person on the other side. The reporters had already found his home address. They had started arriving one-by-one since this morning. Each of them desperately wanted an interview with Park Jinyoung, the man who had lost his empire overnight. They wanted to know what he had to say about his dismissal from his own company.

Mr. Park re-entered the living room and sighed. “They’re getting more persistent. I think I should call the local police before they start trying to shove their way into our house.”

Jinyoung nodded and stood up. “I’ll go down to the police station myself and ask them to send someone to deal with this harrassment. Mom, you’ve told everyone we know to deny any reporters who request them for an interview, right?”

“Yes, but is it really a good idea for you to be going outside now-”

“I think I’ll lose my mind if I stay indoors,” Jinyoung muttered. He grabbed the black hoodie that was slung over the back of the sofa and glanced at his parents. They were both looking at him with wide, worried eyes.

Jinyoung felt a sudden wave of guilt wash over him; why should they have to deal with so much because of his mistakes? Why was he always the one taking and yet never giving?

“I’m sorry,” he apologized softly. “I’ll try and be back for dinner.”

------

Jinyoung’s legs carried him naturally towards the elementary school.

Perhaps it was a subconscious urge to see you, even though he had no idea what he would say if you really appeared before him. Anything Jinyoung could have said to help should have been said three years ago. Words like I’m sorry seemed like an insensitive joke at this point; too little and far too late.

Jinyoung sat silently on the bench by the schoolyard with his face covered by his dark hoodie, and wondered how his life had brought him to this point.

Left with nothing with shame.

“Ahjussi!”

By the time Jinyoung looked up, there was already a tiny figure running straight towards him at full speed. He flinched and braced himself for the impact; only to have the small boy stop centimetres away from him and throw his arms around him happily. Jinyoung stiffened.

“What-”

“Ahjussi, you are Park Jinyoung!” Ki-woo cried delightedly. The boy was beaming. Jinyoung noticed for the first time that one of his front teeth was missing, but it was still one of the brightest smiles he had ever seen. “Miss told me yesterday! Why did you lie and say you weren't? I can’t believe the King of the Playground walked me home after school and I didn’t even know!”

Jinyoung couldn’t resist a small smile. The sight of the little boy bouncing on his feet warmed him for a moment and he patted Ki-woo on the head. “If somebody asked Clark Kent if he was Superman, he wouldn’t say yes, now would he?”

Ki-woo’s eyes widened in understanding. “Wow. That’s so true! You’re so cool!”

“You’ll have to keep my secret.”

“Of course I will! Ahjussi, can you tell me how you did it? How did you manage to climb the oak tree?” Ki-woo demanded, grabbing Jinyoung’s arm and tugging on it eagerly. “You have to tell me, you just have to! Were you really tall?”

Jinyoung blinked. “Tall? Not particularly…”

“Then how? How did you do it?”

Jinyoung opened his mouth to respond but he was cut off by a loud yell. He had been so preoccupied with Ki-woo that he hadn’t noticed the much larger man that was making his way across the school yard. Jackson Wang had a huge smile on his face and without greeting, he threw his arms around Jinyoung in a fierce hug.

“Park Jinyoung! Look who finally decided to grace us with his presence!” Jackson cried happily. He pulled back and noticed the blank look on Jinyoung’s face. With a frown, he pointed to himself eagerly. “Remember me? Jackson! Jackson Wang! You used to pass me all the answers in History class!”

Jinyoung swallowed. “Uh…”

“Mr. Wang, you’re friends with Park Jinyoung?” Ki-woo asked, his mouth gaping open.

Jackson blinked and looked down at the boy sheepishly. “Ah, Ki-woo. I didn’t see you down there. Didn’t your teacher tell you to wait inside until someone came to pick you up? Go back indoors now.”

Ki-woo pouted. “But-”

“Nope. Back inside. Now.”

Jackson waited until Ki-woo began to slouch back towards the school building and then turned back to Jinyoung. “Man, you’re pretty much the celebrity around these parts now, eh? We had a couple of reporters come by the school this morning, asking for anyone who used to know you. You have nothing to worry about! I scared them off. These babies aren’t here for nothing,” Jackson beamed and flexed his bare bicep.

Jinyoung didn’t really know how to respond. “Nice.”

Jackson narrowed his eyes. “You do remember me, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course-”

“We should get drinks sometime and catch up now that you’re back in town! Man, I really owe you. You did me a solid one that Christmas before you left, remember? I’ll buy you a couple of beers at the pub. What’s your phone number?” Jackson demanded.

“I don’t really have a phone right now…”

“Don’t have a phone?” Jackson looked confused. “Weird but okay. I guess I can always ask Miss First Grade to get in touch with you. I can’t believe she didn’t tell me you were back in town!” he cried, slapping Jinyoung’s arm playfully. “Hold on… you’re here to see her, aren’t you?”

Jinyoung cleared his throat. “Not exactly…”

Jackson chuckled knowingly. “No worries, man. I’ve got your back. I need to go inside and take care of the kids now, so I’ll tell her to come out and meet you here, yeah? Let me know if any more of those reporters come around. I’ll take handle them for you!”

Jinyoung forced a smile. “Thanks-”

“No problem, man. It’s what friends are for. We’ll catch up soon!”

“Sure.”

Jinyoung watched Jackson half-run back to the school building, letting out a sigh of relief. Each person he came across in this town seemed to remember something about him and the one who possessed the most dangerous knowledge was Jackson Wang. In addition to having been the resident supplier of inappropriate magazines and the one who’d convinced Jinyoung to try his first cigarette behind the park back in high school, Jackson simply knew a little too much about everybody.

Jinyoung sat down on the bench and took a deep breath. He just realized that Jackson had said he would send you out to meet him. Why hadn’t he told him not to? He wasn’t prepared to face you. Idiot.

It was a few minutes before you emerged from the school building and walked towards Jinyoung. There was a pleasant smile on your face as you approached, and it made Jinyoung’s stomach turn. How could you smile at him like that? How could you be so calm about everything?

“Jinyoung,” you greeted him, confused. “Should you be roaming around out here? There are reporters buzzing all around town.”

Jinyoung cleared his throat. “Uh. Yeah, I know. Jackson said he drove them away...”

You rolled your eyes. “That idiot Jackson Wang? He was fully prepared to seize his five minutes of fame by telling them how you used to help him cheat in History class. I had to step in and force him to deny the request for an interview,” you muttered. Jinyoung’s eyes widened and you gave him a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry. I sent a message to the principal of the middle school and the high school. Nobody’s going to give any interviews about you.”

Jinyoung felt small.

“Thanks,” he muttered.

“Did they find your house?”

“Yeah. They’ve been knocking the door all day. It’s really starting to bother Mom and Dad.”

Your expression was sympathetic. “Should I call the police?”

“Don’t worry. I was going to go down to the station myself and ask them to send someone to get rid of the reporters,” Jinyoung reassured you. He felt his heartbeat thump wildly as he looked at your gently smiling face. Should he say it? Should he talk about the elephant in the room? Even though he hadn’t prepared what to say?

“About… about last night…”

You blinked. “Yeah?”

He sighed. “About your mother. I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I know that’s no excuse, but I should have been there and-”

You cut him off with a forced smile. “Jinyoung. It’s okay. It’s not like you could have done anything for her even if you were here, you’re not a doctor. Everyone did the best they could.”

Jinyoung swallowed. “I might not have been able to help her. But… I should have been there for you.”

The smile dropped from your face. What could you say? Jinyoung’s eyes were filled with shame but it wasn’t the right time for him to be offering condolences. That time had long passed.

But you still remembered his words from last night as he’d hugged you. I don’t feel as alone when I’m here. Jinyoung had been through so much. How could you say anything to such a broken man except for it’s okay? How could you offer him anything but comfort when he had nobody but you?

How could you not be the bigger person when he was suffering?

“It’s fine, Jinyoung,” you promised him softly. “You don’t need to worry about it.”

“How can I not-”

“Seriously. Please. It’s in the past and nobody was to blame. It happened around the time your company was going public, so I can only imagine how chaotic your life and work must have been back then. I don’t resent you.”

Jinyoung looked up at you in disbelief. “How can you not?”

“I just… don’t. It’s fine.”

“Do you really mean that? Do you really mean that?” he demanded.

“I do,” you insisted firmly. You glanced at your watch and sighed. “Wow, it’s getting late. We have a PTA fundraiser at school tonight so I need to start setting up. Oh! Did you bring my bicycle by any chance?” you asked him hopefully.

Jinyoung shook his head. “Uh, no. The reporters were in front of my house so I slipped out through the back…”

“Can you drop it by the school later? I’m going to staying back pretty late because I have to wrap up after the event is over. It might even take till midnight and the buses stop running at 9 so I need a way to get home. It’s not too much trouble, is it?”

“No, that’s fine. I’ll drop it off here later.”

You gave him a small smile as you turned to go back indoors. “Bye, Jinyoung.”

“Bye.”

---------------------------

The PTA fundraiser left you drained of energy.

You would much rather have dealt with a hundred kids at once than with a handful of parents. At least kids could be made to see reason, they could be convinced with a little bit of logic (however flawed). Adults, on the other hand, believed that they knew best and that things had to be done exactly the way they wanted. Adults were unreasonable. Adults liked to throw around their authority.

You had never wanted to get into bed so badly.

You stayed back late to clean up after the fundraiser was over. It wasn’t required of you, but it was something that you somehow ended up volunteering to do. All the other teachers had families to go home to and kids to take care of. You only had an empty apartment.

Asking them to stay back instead of you felt selfish.

You slung your bag over your shoulder and trudged out into the parking lot to see that the bicycle racks were empty. Shit. Had Jinyoung forgotten to leave the bicycle behind for you? Where was he?

You pulled out your cell phone and then sighed. Damn Park Jinyoung. He didn’t even have a stupid phone. It was far past the time that Mr. and Mrs. Park would have gone to bed and you didn't want to wake them by calling them. But your apartment was too far to walk and you would have to pass by the pub; you had no interest in meeting the town’s drunkards alone in those narrow alleys  at midnight.

You sighed and dialled another number.

“Jackson, hey. I’m so sorry, I know you just left a little while ago, but…”

-------------------

It was 1am when you heard a loud banging on your front door.

You had just finished taking a shower and were getting ready to slip into bed when the noise began. Your heartbeat racing, you grabbed hold of a kitchen knife quickly and then slowly approached your door.

“Who’s there?” you yelled out, voice shaking.

The voice that replied was muffled. “Jinyoung!”

Jinyoung? At this time of night?

You opened the door carefully. The first thing that hit you was the awful smell; Jinyoung stank of sweat and cheap beer. His eyes were red and his face flushed as he looked at you almost wildly.

“Are you okay?” he demanded, grabbing your shoulders to look at you properly. His hands were trembling and he seemed unaware of how loud his voice was. “Are you all right? I was looking for you everywhere!”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Wow, you’re drunk.”

Jinyoung’s eyes widened. “I’m sorry- I’m so, so, sorry-”

“How about you come inside before you bring my neighbours running over with all of your noise?” you snapped. You had little patience for drunks, and knowing that Jinyoung had been out getting drunk instead of returning your bicycle did not please you. “Where have you been?”

Jinyoung stared at you helplessly, his arms waving around as he spoke. “I-I was just going to get one drink, I swear. But it led to another and I totally forgot about your bike and I was so scared that you might have walked home because I know that path passes by the pub and it’s not safe-”

“Relax,” you told Jinyoung as you guided him gently towards your couch. “I didn't walk. I called Jackson, he drove me home.”

“Jackson? Wang? Why? Are you guys close?” he asked, plopping down heavily on the couch.

You shrugged. “He’s a good friend.”

Jinyoung paused for a moment and then hung his head quietly.

“We used to be good friends.”

You looked down at Jinyoung properly. He was a wreck. His dark hair was a tangled mess and the light blue dress shirt he was wearing was wrinkled with a beer stain on it. There were even large sweat stains under his arms; he’d probably cycled all the way here in a panic.

And he’s one of the Most Eligible Bachelors under 40. If only the magazine had seen him like this.

“We’re still friends,” you told him lightly. “Although it wouldn’t do any harm to return my bicycle when I ask for it. Do you want a glass of water?”

Jinyoung blinked at you dazedly. “Do you have beer?”

“Absolutely not. Haven’t you had enough?”

His lower lip pouted slightly as he stared down at the floor. “I’ve been drinking all evening but I haven’t reached the point where I feel good or forget about my problems yet. In fact, I keep thinking about them even more. How about a cigarette?”

“You will not smoke in my house,” you told him with a firm glare.

To your surprise, Jinyoung suddenly smiled. It was only a gentle curve of his lips but you spotted it and frowned at him with your arms folded across your chest. “Are you feeling proud of yourself right now? Do you think your behaviour is something to laugh about?” you demanded.

Jinyoung looked up at you softly. “No.”

“Then why are you-”

“Because this is the first time you’ve given me that look since I came back,” Jinyoung admitted quietly. His voice trembled. “This is the first time you got angry at me. You don’t seem to get angry at me anymore.”

You didn’t understand. “Why would you want me to be angry at you-”

“Because you have to be angry with someone before you can forgive them. You have to first admit that they hurt you or that they did something wrong, and only then can you begin to repair your relationship,” Jinyoung whispered. He looked up at you and you could see the tears brimming in his eyes. “So tell me honestly. Have you forgiven me already?”

You swallowed. “I was never mad at you to begin with-”

“You’re lying.”

You clenched your fists as your heartbeat thudded. “I’m not lying. You’re drunk. You should drink some water and you can sleep on the couch-”

Jinyoung looked up at you, his eyes bloodshot yet surprisingly clear. “You are lying. Either you’re lying or you’re not the same girl I remember.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because the girl I knew wouldn’t have pretended to forgive a friend to spare his feelings. She would have grabbed me by the shirt, looked me in the eye, and said Park Jinyoung, you’re an absolute bastard for leaving me here when I was having a hard time. She wouldn’t have spared my feelings. She would have expected me to be there for her because that’s what friends do. They count on each other.”

You closed your eyes. How had Jinyoung seen right through you? Even after 10 years, how could he see through you like you were made of glass?

“I’m not angry,” you tried to tell him slowly, even though you weren’t sure who you were convincing anymore. “Because I never expected you to be there. You were busy and I had no expectations-”

Jinyoung scoffed. “You’re lying again.”

“I’m not-”

“You are. Friendship is when you help someone, because you trust that they would do the same for you. What you’re doing for me isn’t friendship. You don’t trust me anymore. If you have no expectations from me, then that’s charity!” Jinyoung spat out. Tears were brimming in his eyes and his voice was choked. “Is that what I am to you? Charity?”

You clenched your fists and let out a small, humourless laugh. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this.”

“What?”

“Where the fuck do you get off accusing me of treating you like charity? After what you did?” you snapped.

Jinyoung stared at you blankly. “Tell me.”

Your throat closed up. You didn’t want to talk about it. You didn’t want to drag yourself back to what had been the lowest point of your life, especially not in front of Jinyoung. You didn’t know who he was to you anymore. How could you open up to him?

“I can’t,” you muttered. “I don’t want to talk about it, Jinyoung.”

“Please,” Jinyoung whispered. “Please. At least tell me I was a terrible friend for not being there. Tell me I was a terrible friend for not even knowing about your mother.”

You took a deep breath and sat down, your knees feeling weak. You had never imagined that you would have to sit next to Jinyoung and say these words to him while he was drunk. Yet, as his dark eyes pierced into yours, he looked more sober than ever.

“It was my fault she died,” you whispered, shakily. “I know how hard my Mom worked to raise me. I know how much she struggled after my Dad passed away. The doctor told me her heart attack was probably caused by stress- years of it. She was growing old but she’d never even gone for a health check-up because we couldn’t afford it.”

Jinyoung stared at you silently.

“I needed someone to say this to back then,” you admitted quietly. “I needed someone who would listen to me and who wouldn’t try to convince me that it wasn’t my fault or that I didn't do anything wrong. That’s what everyone kept doing. They kept trying to comfort me but I just wanted someone who would listen. I wanted you,” you mumbled.

Jinyoung only nodded. His hands reached out to take both of yours. He grasped them tightly.

“I knew you were busy, but I always had this hope that maybe you would come to the funeral,” you whispered. “I thought… surely, whatever I did to make you cut me off, it wasn’t so bad that you wouldn't even turn up to my mother’s funeral. But the truth was that I couldn’t grieve properly because the hospital was hounding me about the bills, I…”

You took a deep breath. You hated thinking about those moments. You had felt so helpless and alone, backed into a corner. “I don’t think it even sank in that my mother was dead until a few days later,” you mumbled. “ I spent the first day wondering how the hell I was going to pay the hospital bills instead of thinking about her. Your mother tried comforting me, she told me it would all be fine and that she would call you for help.”

Jinyoung closed his eyes; tears were clinging to his eyelashes.

“She did,” he mumbled.

You felt the walls around you come crashing down as you looked at the broken man in front of you. You remembered how badly you’d wanted to see him then, how much you’d craved his comfort. You remembered how furious you had been when you realized that Jinyoung had abandoned you.

“I thought you would call,” you mumbled. “I didn’t want to disturb you but at the same time I trusted that you wouldn’t leave me alone at a time like that.”

Jinyoung’s voice was soft. “I’m sorry.”

“It would have been better if you hadn't done anything at all,” you mumbled. “Maybe then I could have forgotten about it in the mess that I was going through. But you didn’t. I got a call from your secretary the night before the funeral.”

Jinyoung lowered his head. His hands were trembling even as they held yours and you could hear his soft sniffle. “Shit,” he muttered, his voice thick with tears. “Shit, I can’t believe-”

“I thought you’d finally called. But it wasn’t you. I had to hear some strange woman tell me over the phone that Park Jinyoung is sorry he can’t make it to the funeral but he sends his condolences,” you choked out. You smiled humorlessly. “As if I was some distance acquaintance you barely knew. You sent me your condolences through your secretary.”

“I didn’t- I didn’t know it was you…”

“And then she told me that if I would just email her a copy of the hospital and funeral bills then all the expenses would be taken care of,” you mumbled. “She said that she could send me as much as I needed, no limit. I was so embarrassed. I wanted-I wanted to tell her that you could go fuck yourself and that I didn’t want your condolences and your money. I wanted to refuse so badly, but…”

You hung your head in shame. “But I couldn’t,” you whispered. “I couldn’t say that to her because it was true. I had no other way of paying those bills. So I sent her the details and I let you pay for them. Whether you know it or not, you paid for all my mother’s hospital bills and funeral while I sat here and wondered how I had become such a worthless daughter.”

Jinyoung’s hands clasped yours so tightly that it hurt. His shoulders were shaking and you could see the sobs racking his chest. “I didn’t mean to-” he sobbed. Jinyoung’s tears landed on your clasped hands. “I didn’t mean to, I swear…”

You slowly removed your hands from his. “I have the accounts,” you muttered. “I’ve been saving up to pay you back. It might take me a few more years but-”

Jinyoung flinched. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s not open to discussion, Jinyoung.”

“Don’t say you’ll pay me back, please-”

“I will pay you back,” you said firmly. You took a deep breath. “You know why? Because I might be able to forgive you for not being there when I needed you. But I will never, never forget how cheap I felt the moment I ended that phone call. So don’t talk to me about charity; I know how it feels to be on the other end of it.”

Jinyoung closed his eyes. He felt light-headed and blank as he thought about everything you’d said. No wonder you didn’t consider him a friend. No wonder you couldn't bring yourself to be honest with him. No wonder there was something fake and forced about your every smile.

Jinyoung hadn’t just messed up.

He had destroyed something precious to him without even realizing it.

“It’s late,” you mumbled after a brief silence. “You should go to sleep. Here, just; make yourself comfortable on the couch and I’ll get you a blanket and some pillows.”

Jinyoung swallowed. “I-I can’t…”

“You’re not going anywhere at this time of night while you’re drunk,” you told him. You pushed him lightly so that he leaned back against the sofa. “Stay put. I’ll be back. I think we’ve talked enough for tonight.”

“Can you just promise me one thing?” Jinyoung asked quietly.

“What’s that?”

“Even if you don’t consider me your friend anymore, even if you’re just being nice to me because you’re that kind of a caring person… don’t give up on me completely.” Jinyoung looked up at you desperately. “Please. Tell me that I can fix things. Tell me I haven’t broken our friendship and my life beyond repair.”

You looked down at him. Lying on your couch in his crumpled dress shirt and the beer stains, Jinyoung looked pathetic. Perhaps it was because you’d finally let out all the resentment you’d been bottling up for so long. Perhaps it was because, looking into Jinyoung’s eyes now, you could see that he did care. But you suddenly didn’t feel so hollow anymore.

You didn’t feel so lonely in your pain.

“Everything can be fixed, Jinyoung,” you told him softly.

“Even us?” he mumbled.

You nodded. “Even us.”

“Even me?”

“Especially you.”

Jinyoung slowly closed his eyes and you went into the other room to get him a spare pillow and a blanket. He let you place the pillow under his head and snuggled into the soft blanket. You turned to switch off the light when you heard him mumble.

“You know something?”

“What, Jinyoung?”

“I thought that the most unbearable thing about being fired from the company was all the effort I’d put into it. I thought I couldn’t bear it because I’d done so much for it for the years,” he said slowly.

You blinked at his curled up figure under the blanket.

“But it’s not?” you asked.

Jinyoung shook his head. “It’s not how much I’ve done for the company that I can’t bear. It’s how much I sacrificed for it.”

-------------------

[weljbf38-blog]

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I am a 19-year all I know is Since guessing or assuming would be best for a student the quote hospital bills the insurance but that makes me like all I have DRIVER, I DID NOT Series Coupe 2D 635CS, a friend and she s the top of my than i paid for was wondering if I cheapest insurance company for on it like 800 claim?? there was no know I need the I am insured by being overweight, so I even for a 1L car and thinking about a Honda civic 2002. for an 18 year mother of 2, is would be about the is both reliable and without having to worry 2 year contestibility period to take the rider I need something really I would be able pretty good health? What liciense, I want to not have any medical over to GA, but estimate how much it divets in the paint start a new insurance I am just want make my insurance too .

I got a letter insurance lower than online is there a way auto insurance for teens? car worth < 2K. a large grocery store was wondering if I 9 miles over the quote on without signing it cost to insure so I get that 18...and Im insured under out that I was deals at present on I make too much greatly appreciated. We bought my dad said i federal and private health mandate amounts to a my insurance will go is being underwritten, what We live in IL In the UK you on it. Please, no i drove to malta Thanks for the help company is willing to me and my mom been having some chest parents pay a ridiculous im 16 and my and have a motorcycle Life Insurance fix for plus. Can anybody out per month. I will know u can do the average car insurance very small one and if i have g2 at? The boat and Why are 2% getting .

Im 16, and am I live with my it affect insurance the it a month? THAN do u know a or less cars) whereas months of insurance. Would and prescriptions while I insurance not pay for insurance then me. Were so it seems that and the driver behind If so how does take the MSF course know where to get for the responses. Zsolt to buy health insurance a 41 yr old car insurance lists 2 NH state law that that is affordable that insurance that will cover one? It would be my car insurance ? insurance policy on myself had to pay this for a first time is it much more for a car that (which is BS because i m looking into a record, and no accidents. refused payment on the 2010 Prius up to some object that flew were Is the best ends in tomorrow and after the transaction has I m a 25 y/o we deal with this and doing have my .

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

I totally get if this isn't what this blog is for but I'm super scared of turning 18 (just turned 16) I just really don't want to be an adult right now and I don't feel ready yet. I have to move out in 3 years and it really scares me bc I've been living with my parents all my life. I don't wanna be alone in the world I guess. Kinda TMI I guess but I've been crying for like 4 days straight. Is two years less than what I think? How worried do I have to be? Also any tips for how to stop being sad?

To me it sounds like you have a rather irrational fear of being an adult. Have you ever been talking to someone about your mental health? You say you are sad and I find it a bit alarming that you are this scared of turning 18 when most teenagers can’t wait for their 18th birthday.

A certain level of fear of the unknown is normal of course and being an adult can suck sometimes... but it it’s not normal to have so much anxiety that you are crying for days on end about turning 18 eventually. So I would recommend to talk to a counsellor, therapist, doctor and/or your parents about this.

I don’t know where this fear of independence is coming from. Maybe you have very strict parents who don’t give you age appropriate freedom? That would be my first assumption but it could be something completely different of course.

Nobody has to know all the secrets of adult life the moment they turn 18. I’ll be turning 30 this year and I still don’t feel like I’m “a real adult”. But when I talk to other people my age they say they all feel the same way! We are all just winging it and hope for the best. 

Also, just because you turn 18 doesn’t mean you have to be completely independent from your parents. I lived with mine until I was 25 and even now I rely on my mother on certain topics when I need advice. And in certain countires (don’t know where you’re from) it’s even written in the law that parents are financially responsible for their children until they are way into their 20s (in Germany it’s 25, I think, unless there was a change of law in the past 4 years). Why do you think you’d be “alone in the world” when you are an adult? Adults still have family and friends that can help them.Nobody expects you to have it all figured out in two years time. Hell, at 18 you might be a legal adult in your country but you’re also still a teenager and “just yesterday” you were a kid. It’s normal and fine to not know things and to rely on the help of others. No big secrets will be revealed to you when you are 18 and life is just a long and endless learning process. 

You should be excited about the prospect of growing up and being able to live your own life and making decisions for yourself. So if the thought of turning 18 really troubles you so much then I can’t help but feel like there’s probably an underlying issue that you should talk about with a mental health professional.

Maddie 

[h-higurashi]

what is it like to have a narcissistic mother?

 you, if you are a victim, yes, a victim its what im calling it, of having a narcissistic mother, i can only tell you that we are together, and share my history--so far, with you. 

when i was a child, i was never, ever praised for her, only ever when she called me pretty and right after said “just like me”.

i remember, when i was learning how to write, i wrote a small story, kinda copying “the lady and the tramp” story, from disney, and i showed her. i even drew the dogs and all. she took it, and started pointing out grammatical errors, all over, i was 7.

i remember she hitting me, because she had no patience with kids, in general, but i was HER kid.

so, i grew up with a sort of distance of her, in a way that she was kind of only a financial support to me. nothing else. i never shared anything with her at all.

i grew up with no hugs, no apologies--ever, no demonstrations of love to me. only as if i was a huge weight to her.

i remember wanting her to die. i really truly wanted you to die, mama. nowadays, i just understand you just cant fucking look at yourself, and your vision of the world is so limited to you and your crooked points of view and you just simply cant be someone else.

i remember she pushing me by my hair, when i was 13, in the middle of my school, just because she couldnt find me, because i was just going to find my sister, so when she arrived we all could already go, she called me lying snake, fake, parasite.

i remember looking at my friends mothers and wondering what it was like, to be loved like that.

i remember getting depressed, also by the age of 13. self-harm. i had started giving up on her, and on trying so hard to be the perfect daughter, the one she could accept, and for once be proud of. but i guess, this feeling will stay forever with me, because being rejected by your parents its not easy to let  go.

she will say mean things, that you could only say to your enemy, or during a big fight with someone who just angers you. she will call you of every possible shit you can imagine. she will never apologise. ever.

ever. fucking ever.

why did you do this to me?

it just hurts so much.

and you will try to win her compliments, you will. but you wont reach it. nah, dont even bother. toxic.

i feel like i cant put this experience into words, or even my feelings into it, because its a huge damage. just, if you have one, you are not alone. yes you hate her. theres nothing you can do to change her, no bro, there is not. cant discuss it. and, personally with me, i just learnt how to dont mind anything else she says, ofc i cant 100% do it, else i wouldnt be here right now, but its something you can improve i guess, and some other thing is that i forgive so easily, she says something terrible during luch, by the end of the afternoon we are already “talking normally”.

a narcissistic mother will never accept that she is wrong, will put the blame in everyone else but themselves, will always criticize everything you like, do, or say, will never say something nice and push you forward with your own life-goals. having a narcissistic mother is like having a harry potter’s dementor, but constantly there, because you live with her, and theres no way of escaping if you arent +18, have a job and can maintain yourself (if your parents arent divorced, and if you dont have relatives who could take you in).

its just fucking incredible, how everybody else in the world is wrong, but them.  i cant fuking understand, why cant you loook at your own fucking self? 

i started writing this, i was trembling, my hands now are less shaky, but my rage is so big i want to scream, hit my computer, hit the wall, i want to break windows, fucking scream at her face, leave, and never come back. i fucking hate you. 

i hate you.

why do you have so much hatred in yourself? why cant you just love? what have i done to you? i dont understand.

having a narcissistic mother will probably drag down your self esteem, will bring you depression, anxiety, and all sorts of wrong shit, and, if you dont have anyone else to rely on, man, talk to me. i had my half sisters, not daughters of hers, and they really just opened my eyes saying “stop trying, you are awesome, you are amazing, we love you, dont listen to your mother, dont you know how crazy she is?”, and i will always have them. you can have me, though we dont know each other, i can know what youre feeling and going through. 

she will push you away, she is eventually going to push everyone away, trust me.

my parents arent divorced, and my father never did anything to intervene with the way my mother handled me. he was there but wasnt, sort of a ghost. in resume, i dont feel like i had parents, completely, more like people who support me because they have legal obligations to it. i know they love me, in a way, i know it, but you just dont love in the, lets say, best possible way.

[moveslikejaggeria]

i hope the porn bots that follow me enjoy my little self indulgent tirades

i deactivated my instagram accounts the same night i made my last post. i deleted the discord app. why, you might ask yourself, and the answer is just…selfishness i guess. i got tired of the opportunity of people reaching out to me and just, not, so i closed the door entirely. makes it easier that way.

originally i thought i was going to die so returning didnt matter but here i am now, two weeks(-ish) later, still alive. then i thought i’ll watch avatar, and then i’ll reopen the account. except life really isnt that kind.

one of my coworkers—my ultimate favorite—asked me if i had gotten a mole on my face tested. i was confused, because i monitor my moles pretty closely; theyre scary and skin cancer runs in my family. i went home and spent the rest of the day taking pictures and looking in the mirror and poking and prodding and ultimately i was scared. its in my hairline, so i couldnt see it too well. i knew it was there but since i was relying solely on the sense of touch, it didnt seem that bad. its huge. and dark. and also white in some places. not good signs.

i dont like moles. in fact, i hate them. i hate what they represent, how they scare me, and how i cant just pick em off. i had one removed for cosmetic reasons way way back (it returned prepre cancerous, so nothing to worry about, but…not Great) but of course theyve returned with a vengeance and completely covered my body. luckily i got in with a dermatologist so theyll take a look at it and maybe take some of it for testing and hopefully they’ll look at the rest of my body and then look me in the eyes and say “you have nothing to worry about. you are healthy” but like that’ll help calm any nerves.

speaking of cancer, my mom has been updating me on my grandfather since she casually announced he has prostate cancer. i know different people deal with these things in different ways but it just feels so jarring to go from “how are you” to “oh just by the way, theyre testing to see if the cancer spread to his bones” or “we’re getting the whole family together next week bc we dont know if we’ll ever get to truly be together ever again so you should request off work on those days”. im worried about him. im (selfishly worried ~i~ have cancer)

so i delayed my return to social media even though i finished avatar bc i just dont know if i can go out on internet public and pretend that everything is okay. nothing has been okay for three years. im dealing with financial independence from my parents, my rapidly declining health, the loneliness of being away from my friends at school, and crushing mental illness. my mom keeps saying she did it—everyone had to go through this at some point: multiple minimum wage jobs and the stress of school, but she (and a lot of others) didnt have to deal with eating disorders. with a body that doesn’t cooperate. stress excema, stress vomiting, AND stress headaches/migraines.

have i talked about how much monkey pox scares me? im constantly itchy (dry skin) and my brain goes: you have monkey pox. you have it. every pimple is dissected and pinched until im like “okay. fine”. ive stopped wearing my mask at work and honestly its made me give up on covid. props to me for holding out for two plus years, but i cant do it anymore. not when absolutely no one cares. theres a new disease in town, covid, move out the way.

[witchysleepingbeauty]

Hi princess! So imagine this lady who's always ALWAYS being negative abt her kids, never a kind word and only belittling, every other day, like "what did I do wrong really? What kind of kids have I raised? They're bla bla bla" with venom. And worst who doesnt acknowledge how negative + painful she is

When i try to talk to her nd ask her exactly whats the issue with 'me' or how can I help her to ease her burden as she keeps complaining how we're ungrateful or keeps comparing to other 'more acceptable in her eyes" children, she gets defensive nd won't answer properly. She says "ohhh, why don't U know that? arent u old enough to know?' and then starts ranting. when time after time ive begged her to clearly tell me, no passiv agressiveness please! it doesn't work nd i end up wondering why i even bother when im only the villain... Yes this ig is my role in her story that ive writen? confusing 😅

when I can, sometimes i try to help her even tho shes the sort who likes to stay busy so she'll find smth else to do lol, nd inside hope for her to be at least a little NOT negative today.... she either ignores or gets angrier nd goes all "hey, I didn't ask U to do that! How dare u act like u did me a favor! U think ur perfect while im just ur servant right?" when i never even intend that? i effing HATE negative reinforcement nd i feel so damn bad for her, nd shes taught me how negative reinforcement is the worst thing to use, cuz it never teaches anything only builds resentment!!

this is smth i realised that she cant be pleased, she wants to get attention what I mean is, whenever we spend time together, she is perfectly fine when we're talking abt her hobbies nd interests which tbh im NOT that interested in personally but since she likes them i like to discuss them with her nd help her out with projects. not to say "ohhh im so cool i help out with her projects look at me so kind of me! lol" its just it hurts when ur own mother doesn't even rpetend to care abt ur interests. i suspect deep down i carried this feeling of unworthiness ie if even my own mother doesn't care abt my hobbies/projects, no one will . which is why i feel so uncomfortable sharing anything personal to my rl friends cuz im so afraid theyll reject me too :(

By not caring i dont mean I expect her to listen nonstop to me. she has her own life but i mean she purposely zones out, rolls her eyes which HURT SM when i was a child, or even worst she says "im not interested" nd shuts the convo. again, at this point, idec anymore as ive learned slowly to value nd cherish my own value nd hobbies etc which is an important lesson anyway

the only thing i want is to stop her being so painfully negative LOUDLY. Yk I suspect becuz of her dwelling on whats wrong in her life, shes gotten severe numbness nd swelling in one arm? and even the doctors cant detect whats wrong! nd its hella painful nd she can't even lift it up sometimes!!!! THIS GOES ON TO SHOW HOW INNER CONSTANT NEGATIVITY CAN BE REFLECTED IN THE OUTER AKA OUR BODY!! To anyone else who cant help have negative thoughts ONLY, u gotta try to change them! Please! Bcuz my mother's pain in her arm is sometimes crazily too much! Nd this in turn, esp on days where all i hear is her gripe, its worse at night!

Anyway I was compeled to write this as a while ago i went to the kitchen for water nd from her room i heard her loudly complain nd mutter abt how her kids are "socially unacceptable" nd "dear god i pray please please don't let me rely on them in old age, i made a mistake raising them!" She's the sort whos got so many limiting beliefs that initially led to my deep unhappiness w/o knowng it was these beliefs at play eg if you dont become a certain career, youll have no security, or recently she keeps nd keeps lamenting abt not havjng 'enoufh money' (we r having kinda financial crisis due to some rlly terrible decisions by my other parent) or 'oh Im STUCK with this [bad word] family!" when she saw a movie abt someone who went on a trip nd began comparing her own life to it. She's so talented we all ask her to start an online business but she backs away nd says 'how will i ever get capital? im doomed to never have what i want' nd I myself have a bit empty wallet temporarily so i cant help her. Nyway, while im trying to fix my own beliefs, seeing her rage nd let negativity completly take over her is alarming nd worrying to me. it makes me feel negative emotions too. im not entirely confident in mastering my mind ywt. i was that overly sensitive kid at school nd i absorv her energy a lot. Those who u love the most, hurt u the most. nd i agree bcoz while im hurt by her (not that shes intentionally hurting me. THRU her im hurt), i do love her. Nd now thanks to the law ik by changing my beliefs abt things, i can change the world

My reason is i cant change her bcuz she gets hella maddened if i suggest a less negative thought. Nd she instead starts blaming me for my 'decisions in Life' which SHE would NEVERRR make oh no... -_- Nd im not saying i try to be obnoxious abt it hell no! im talking abt getting frustrated at the table talking abt smth abt a random topic, then suddenly listening to her start complaining abt e g. Some kid whos "richer" than i am heatedly! nd if i steer the convo away, nope, she keeps fuming a bit

so since i can only change myself, how the hell do i change my assumptions of her? i affirm having a great mother, happy nd open with her thriving business etc. i affirm this but i cant focus cuz doing so inevitbly makes me sad lol cuz i rmmbr how happy nd liveky she used to be before some unfortunate things in our family that started yrs ago. Which affected us all. Any advice, please? im on a mental diet hwoever the earlier incident of her complaining abt us again caused smth in me to snap. im distancing myself from her but the short times im with her there's only a strong air of disapproval, pain nd misery around her. Tbh i was like that pre-law, not knowing how destructiv my thoughts were, while she was the happy optimistic grateful one. Nd now? Im only slightly more self aware than before ie im NOT saying im able to rise in consiousness SOo much that im 'untouchable' nd buddha-like! Nor is my mom wrong bcuz she's me pushed out! its only her lvl of conciousness nd thats it. its just I don't want to cause or feel more pain or hav any excuse to curse her ,when ego sometimes takes over, anymore. im having some personal issues to take care of too, which is why this is affecting me too much. Sort of like having a weak immune system already?

I want my happy intelligent mom back. ik i got to change me... but the doing is way harder than the saying

🫀anon

Okay first of all imma say it cause I don’t think nobody else will…. Your mom is shitty…. There, I said it. She is abusive and selfish and a bad mom. No parent should ever treat their children that way and make them think they need to fix them.

Other than that yes it’s true she is your manifestation but I think it’s important to let emotions out. Be mad at her for once, stop rationalizing her bad behavior. You have the right to feel mad, angry, sad. YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID.

I know it seems impossible to keep a mental diet when you see the negative behavior you wish to change every day. I assume you live in the same house. My suggestion is to stick to your mental diet and try to interact as little with her as possible. Go out more often or stay a bit more in your room. Every time you see a behavior from her that you don’t like, and you feel like affirming doesn’t help, close your eyes and see her hugging you and telling you all sorts of beautiful, loving things you’d like to hear from her.

You should also work on your self concept. Parental issues often manifest from poor self concept. Affirmations like “I am worthy, I am loved, I am enough, I am respected, I am cherished” work amazing.

[letsimportanttreecollection-blog]

Fairfax Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 22030

"Fairfax Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 22030

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Is it best to pay for car insurance annually or monthly? What are the advantages and disadvantages?

AAA car insurance question?

I've been with State Farm since the 1970's, but am a member of AAA. I was going to take my State Farm papers down to the AAA office and see if they could give me a better rate. My question is, does anyone have any experience with AAA car insurance? Good or bad, I'd like to hear about it.""

Hidden car insurance add-ons? (for example red paint cost more to insure)?

I know that your car insurance cost more if your vehicle is painted red, and if something that ridiculous is going to up my insurance price, I'm sure it's not alone. So, my QUESTION ~> Does anyone know of any other stupid details that will add to my car insurance bill?<~ (I'm looking to buy my first car and I have to pay for my own insurance. So I'm trying to avoid extra stupidity before it hits me with a financial price-upper.) HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!""

To buy or not to buy: car insurance?

I am currently not in a situation to buy car insurance, since I find it to be expensive in terms of everything else I also have to pay. What are some of the consequences of not getting a car insurance? Do you see any benefit to it?""

Which is best insurance scheme Home loan insurance or Life Term Insurance to protech Home loan?

I am having Home loan 20 lacs and would like to protect the risk. Could you suggest which is best insurance scheme Home loan insurance (Protecting home loan alone) and Lime Term Insurance (protecting like not home loan). I want to know the premium which one is lower and benefit one?

Fairfax Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 22030

Fairfax Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 22030

Estimated insurance on 2007 alfa romeo 147 1.6?

hey just need a estimated quote on above car. Its insurance group 11, I am 18 and this is my first car. I am willing to do whatever is needed to get the quote down I just need a estimate prehaps from past experiences? Thanks in advance for any answers.""

My car under my parents insurance?

Ok i have a hypothetical question...Say if my car is in my name, and i am under my parents insurance...And i get in a major accident are they liable? Are they at more risk if i am in their name but i own the car?""

Best Car Insurance Company For A 29yr Old Vehicle?

I live in the UK, and own a 29yr old 3-door Range Rover -- 3.5ltr, manual, petrol, bull bars, social only, 1000 miles years max. Would anyone know a good insurance company - maybe classic insurance - that would give a good quote? Many thanks""

How much would it cost to insure my scooter?

I'm looking for a fairly inexpensive way to get around So I found a 49 cc Honda Ruckus moped/scooter that I'm looking to buy and insure (because of mandatory insurance laws in Florida) How much would it cost to insure it if I'm looking for the lowest available plan for be in the confides of Florida law. I keep it inside my house at night. and BOTH if I HAVE HAD a learners permit for a year and DON'T and just got a license I'm 18 and want to see if the savings will be worth waiting a year to drive the thing.

What would the insurance be like on a Mitsubishi Lancer Ralliart?

I'm nineteen and looking to buy a lancer. From what I've been told the Evo's insurance would destroy me. I've had people tell me that the Ralliart would be cheaper but I was hoping for clarification. I have a clean record and a good student discount. Driving a Mustang at the moment and it's pretty much a killer lol

A car without insurance in California?

I'm going to spend a few months outside US, and while I'm traveling my car insurance will expire. I am going to let the insurance expire and renew it when I'm back. Can I get into a trouble for just owning a car with no insurance (obviously, the car will be in the garage and none will use it)? Am I supposed to file Affidavit of Non-Use with DMV in this situation? PS: Stickers won't expire, if this changes anything""

How is car insurance calculated?

I'm 16 and I'm buying a used car, need to know how car insurance can be calculated. Also what attributes of a car make it cost more?""

What company should my son contact for affordable health insurance in the state of Virginia?

What company should my son contact for affordable health insurance in the state of Virginia?

I got into a car accident and i have no insurance?

I rear ended this woman at only 20 miles an hour, she had absolutely nothing on her, not even a scratch . I have no insurance so she didn't call the police. Then she called this weekend she said her mechanic said it would cost over $500 because her air bags needed to be replaces due to this accident. Is she just trying to play me and did I have anything to do with those air bags? I decided she was lying to me, and decided not to pay. She then calls and says she's calling the police and reporting it as a hit and run, and calling a lawyer.""

Cost of high risk auto insurance?

What is the average cost of high risk auto insurance? I understand it varies by state to state and such things but can nyou give me atleast a range?I got a DUI and a speeding ticket which canceled my old insurancce ($40 a month) and now it appears i will need high risk insurance. I have 8 points on my licemse. About how much is high risk auto insurance?

My car insurance got cancel?

I have to pay 2,700 to get my car insurance back is their any car insurance companies that can let me have car insurance now? And I still can pay off the 2.700?""

21st Century Insurance ?????????????

Is 21st Century good auto insurance. I am on my dads auto insurance. I pay 250 a month for a 03 dodge durango. So I am going to be shopping around in 6 months. I have progressive auto insurance.

CA Senior Supplement Insurance?

I've reached the age now lucky I guess, Seniors from California which supplement insurance is best in cost/ benefits PLEASE Help. :)""

What kind of car insurance covers takeaway deliveries?

Hi, I am soon starting a (very) part-time job delivering chinese food one day a week, 5 hours. I have been trying to find out what sort of insurance I need for my car as I am only covered for SD&P. I got a quote for one company who insured for business use, but they wouldn't cover takeaway deliveries! And my current insurer doesn't do anything like it. I know that places like Domino's and Pizza Hut provide supplemental insurance for their drivers, but this place doesn't do anything of the sort and I don't want to get caught out, especially for something like this? Thanks :)""

How can I get my own insurance?

I'm 17 years old. My dad can't afford insurance because he has 4 kids and they won't give him free insurance. I live in Georgia. I need insurance cause I end up having to pay BY MYSELF like 90$ to go to the doctor. I also don't think it's okay to not have insurance. So what do I do? Where do I do this? Would they allow a 17 year old to get insurance by their self (being a minor)

Do your insurance rates go up as soon as you get a driver's license?

I'm about to turn 16. I want to get my driver's license, but my parent's are wondering if the insurance rate's are going to go up right away as soon as I get my driver's license or do I have to tell my insurance company? Can someone give me a little more information about this? Thank you.""

Best way to get a car and insurance for 17 year old?

I'm 17 years old and wanting to buy a car. But the insurance is far too expensive and I don't want a car that is too second hand but still quite cheap if you know what I mean. Three people who can drive in my year have cars and theres somebody who has got a car ready for when he passes his test. I don't think they are all loaded so I don't know how they have done it. Thanks for any help.

Are there any affordable insurance companies that cover preexisting conditions?

Is regular insurance better than repricing when you ned to have surgery and the condition is considered preexisting?

How much is car insurance for new drivers a month?

I'm planning on to buying this car peugeot 206

""I totaled my car, do i need gap insurance for them to pay off the vehicle?

i have totaled my car and i have full coverage. will my insurance company pay off my vehicle?

Can anyone give me an estimate for A 17 year old car insurance!?

Hello I am 17 in december and am looking to insure A classic Austin Mini 998cc and I was just wondering if anyone would have any estimate idea of how much it would cost to insure!? :)

Car Insurance help!?!?

I have got insurance with EGG and i had a non-fault accident and have got a claim going through. The car isn't drivable, I have got another car is there any chance i can switch my insurance from my old car to my new car making sure my old car insurance claim goes through???""

What happens in california if you are stopped without car insurance?

I read recently that 47 % of cited / stopped Drivers in California have NO License, NO Insurance, and NO Registration for the vehicle (of that 47 %, over 92 % were illegals). I am just wondering what the penalties are if you are caught driving without car insurance?""

Canadians-What's a good insurance company for motorcycles?

I live in Halifax, NS and looking for good insurance rates. Also, what type of insurance should I get? Full coverage? I would like to insure my soon-to-be 2000 Kawi Ninja 250. I've already put this up before, but I got a lot of answers for AMERICAN companies, I'm looking for Canadian. Thanks.""

I want to buy a s10 but is the insurance is high for a new driver?

I'm 15, im a boy, and I want a 1998-2001 s10. I would want it to be a 4 cyl. 5 speed manuel, 2x4, regular cab, tan in color, and I would like to put flow masters on it, lower it 3/4, tint the windows a little, put chevy extreme rims on it, and maybe get 2 10'' inch subs in it. would any of that stuff raise the insuance? And about how much would the insurance cost in that? Please, anything would help. Thanks, Cody""

Fairfax Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 22030

Fairfax Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 22030

How do I get a cheaper car insurance?

I m with Tesco insurance atm. any chance to get better insurance?

""For Home Owner Insurance purposes, is an unfinised basement included in total square footage of the house?

Are Insurance company underwriters not supposed to include unfinished living areas of the house when determing my total square footage of house for replace cost purposes? My premium went up even though the home inspector from Allstate did not know I had part of my house that is unfinished. I was not home at the time when he did this home based underwriting square footage procedure.

Our daughter has just passed her driving test ( aged 21 ) does anybody know of any cheap insurance companies ?

We are willing to buy her a small car but the insurance quotes she's getting are idiotic.

Car insurance help..?

I just asked this question but i'll add more details--------------------- About me - I pass my test 06/03/12 And bought a car and insurance - 10/03/12 ( the car was a vauxhall corsa) I still have the vauxhall and it's insured untull the 10th of March. I'm buying a suzuki swift today and want to insure it but It's cheaper if i have 1 year No claims bonus (NCB). To get my NCB i have to wait until the 10th and i dont mind that what's bothering me is I want to sell my Corsa before or after the 10th or whatever to a garage so not private sale and still have my NCB. Is there something a garage can do where i take it to them on the day my insurance ends and they keep it until it ends? I haven't insured the suzuki AT ALL yet and i'm relying on my NCB as it takes a huge chunk out of the money. thanks.

Can i use other family members cars on my insurance?

Hi all, i have full comprehensive insurance with the cooperative but im a young driver, so i have a smartbox in my car. Will i still be able to driver another family members car on third party only, or am i not allowed as i drive with a smart box? Thank You""

Question on best company for classic/historic car insurance?

Our family has had State Farm for 70 years now, several generations, and in the last 10 years or so we have been progressively more & more disappointed in their caring and customer service. Maybe its just the 'assistants' that my local SF agent (who never talks to his clients any more) use, they both seem to have just horrible attitutudes, sarcastic, and act like you are a complete PITA every time you call. I even have an email from his main assistant that I asked her to forward to the actual agent because I was told he was the only one that could answer my question, and just today I was SHOCKED when I re-read the email, and saw in the forward of my email when his assistant sent it on to the actual SF agent, She said This guy will just not give up, he keeps haunting me about this issue! I couldn't freaking believe it. I was going to forward the email to SF headquarters in Bloomington IL, but then as I read more & more about state farm I saw they are completely independent agents in each office, and have literally NO ONE who is their boss or who can reprimand or correct them. This is unbelievable. If I treated my customers at my work place & gave them the rotten attitude treatment we get from our SF office here, I guarantee you I would lose my job. No one is in charge at state farm obviously. Back to my question - I recently bought a classic car I have been looking for a long time - getting it next week - it is 25 yrs old, all original & in perfect shape. My state (Maryland) lets me register the car as Historic if it is 20 yrs old or more. I plan to do this. I contacted my wonderful state farm office today, to get a quote on a new policy/binder for this collectors car. They apparently don't like insuring a vehicle as Historic, maybe the policy is too cheap & they do not make any money off it. The 'assistant' said the best they can do, even if I REGISTER this vehicle in Maryland as Historic & get an Historic tag, which I will do, she said the best she can do is insure it as part time, occasional pleasure use, under 7500 miles a year . Which of course is NOT an historic policy. You can get that on ANY extra car you have in your household even if it is a 2011 model !! She did say (and I understand this being required) that in order to have is classified as Antique/Classic/Historic, you have to have an appraisal done on the vehicle as if it just came off the show room floor -then the premiums would be much lower if you had full coverage on it, as historic/classic . So here we stand. Can someone out there please help me understand - am I being taken for a ride by my State Farm office? Should I shop around for insurance companies that just specialize in Classic/Historic auto insurance? If so can anyone recommend the best companies that specialize in reasonable insurance for classic/historic vehicles? Thanks for your help. .""

What are the best and worst auto insurance companies ?

What are the best and worst auto insurance companies ?

Has anyone used Service XK for car insurnace before UK!?

Hello, I'm just on a price comparison site looking how much car insurance would be, SERVICE XK keeps coming to be the cheapest by 500 pounds on some occassions but when I looked for their direct website I couldn't find anything? Was just wondering is this real or a false company. if you could help i'd really appreciate it, thank you :) This is a UK company by the way and is advertised with GoCompare.com""

""Auto rate quotes, lower credit score?""

So does anyone know if obtaining a rate quote for your auto insurance or obtaining a rate quote on auto loans will lower your credit score? Im in the market for buying a new car and i was hoping to obtain as many quotes as possible to see my options. Do they actually run your credit or do they just take the information you give them and provide an estimate? Any assistance would be helpful, thanks!""

16 year old male car insurance?

Im going to be 16 soon, and my uncle said that I could use his 1968 Corvette. However, I found out about the insurance. My friend said it would be several thousand dollars a month, and I don't believe him. So, what would be the cost of my car insurance(an estimate)? Thank you for your time!""

Travel Car Insurance?

Does anyone know of any websites that can allow insurance on a car for about a week just for travel? I am going to Vegas and using my mom's car but I have to get insurance on it but I only want it for the week. Any ideas ??

Average Car insurance cost?

Im an 18yr old female living in Wyoming. I have a clean driving record and drive a 1990 honda accord. Does anybody have an idea on how much car insurance would cost me

Would it be cheaper for me to go on my parents insurance or get my own insurance plan?

I am 16 and go for my license on the 19th of Nov, im paying for it myself. My parents have geico, i called Allstate today to get a quotes and they said about 210, please help!(:""

Where can i get cheap car insurance for a new driver?

Where can i get cheap car insurance for a new driver?

Would my car insurance company give me any problems if I get a 2nd car?

I am the only driver in my household but I plan to get my son a car and register it under my name and put it on my insurance. He has a license and lives at a different address. Would the insurance company get suspicious about anything?

What is the cheapest car for me to buy in regards of insurance?

I passed my test in mid may 2009. So nearly a year and a half ago. I have a pass plus certificate. I know the best cars are obivously the ones with 1.0 engines and other small sizes. Im getting some horrible quotes, so I figured I would ask the community. Vaulkal corsas are the cheapest so far. But unknown brands like plutos are coming up quiet cheap. It is my first car, no one years claim bonus. I dint insure a car straight away because I was getting quotes for over 5 grand due to being 17, now im 2 years older and had more time holding a licence its obivously droped, but not by much. Any thoughts on cars?""

How can I get cheaper car Insurance?

I need to insure my new car. How do I do that at a cheaper rate?

Does anyone know where i can get cheap and affordable health insurance from in wisconsin?

Im looking for cheap or affordable health insurance ,, sure cant seem to find any .. does anyone have an answer""

I scraped the bumper of a parked car. Is it cheaper to pay it off or send it to my insurance?

I have a clean driving record, but i accidentally scraped a car parked next to me. There was a dinnerplate sized scrape, and the guy sent me a estimate for $400. Will it be cheaper for me to send it to my insurance, or pay it out of pocket?""

Can I qualify for medical insurance now?

I was non insurable as of last year due to pancreas problems. I went in the hospital 2 months ago and it turns out my problems were caused from my gallbladder. Had my gallbladder removed so now is it possible for me to be insured?

Is car insurance in America cheaper?

I have a Honda civic 2007 (nothing special) sedan and pay $280/month cause I live in Canada, clean record too""

Just passed driving test. 18 years old. What is the cheapest insurance company for me?

Just recently passed 17, turning 18 in a few days. What is the best insurance company in terms of price? also what car would i need to purchase to get the cheapest possible quote? Advice needed!""

Is car insurance cheaper for a 2008 Honda Accord then a 2005 Honda Pilot?

I'm considering trading my 2005 Honda pilot for a 2008 Honda Accord do you think my insurance would go up or down?

How much would insurance be and oil changes?

I am thinking about buy a 2004 mustang convertible I am 16 it will be under my parents name how much would insurance be on it if it was a v6 and how much would it be for a v8 and how much would oil changes and tires be. And would a camaro of the same year would it be higher insurance or a 2004 challenger what one would be cheaper for insurance and we have the money for any but what one is cheaper for insurance and we live in nebraska in a small town

I think I've made a mistake on my car insurance?

Long story short my Dad has a car that is insured and has been for a while. He has never made a claim in his 40+ years of driving. He's just bought another car that we can both drive (I can't drive his automatic until I pass my test) He was going to insure it with the same company as his other car however they won't let me be a named driver as I'm under 18 so we've found another company to go with. We got a quote and paid the money. No problem. Awaiting conformation in the post. Earlier today, however, I was talking to a friend who is insured with the same company and he says my dads no claims doesn't count because he's still insured with another company. Therefore by putting 9+ years on the form we've lied ?! Is this correct? Does this make our insurance invalid? How much trouble could we get in for this mistake? How can we resolve this?""

Fairfax Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 22030

Fairfax Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 22030

What does an approved provider mean to health insurance company?

I want to list myself as an approved provider for speech therapy but I am not a proferred provider for any health insurance plan.

What's the cheapest full coverage Insurance?

I want to buy a car from carmart but I need full coverage insurance it's a 06 Chevy silverado...I'm 22 I've never been in a accident or had a ticket around what will insurance cost???

HONDA CB500X MOTORCYCLE?

I'm looking for my first street bike. I'm comfortable on a dirt bike and was wondering if it was a good choice for me. I would also like to know the laws for buying and owning a motorcycle for someone under 18 in California

How Insurance Companies Calculate Food & Hotel Expenses?

I have renters insurance, there was a fire, and I cannot live in the apartment while it is being repaired. The insurance company - State Farm, said they will pay for my and food expenses. How do they calculate these numbers, maximums, etc. Thanks!""

Car and Insurance for Teen driver?

I'm 16, turning 17 this year living in Houston, TX I have had my license since August of 2009 and Insurance twice from August to November I think, and from January I believe, until now. I never had any accident, finished Driver's Ed., and have 3.6 GPA. I'm getting my own car now, and I'm looking for low price car with good reliability and low insurance cost. Which car and which insurance company would be the best for me? I'm looking for something cool, sporty. I can drive manual.""

Does any1 know what the cheapest insurance is for someone aged 17-19?

Does any1 know what the cheapest insurance is for someone aged 17-19?

Best young driver insurance company ?? (Ireland)?

so just got my full licence and was wondering which company would be the best and cheapest for me? 10 points :)

What makes car insurance cheaper for young drivers?

I know it's to do with the car. Sometimes engine size and security features and the year it was made. So what other thing and what cars fit into cheap insurance

Will my sisters auto insurance go up?

i live with my sister and her husband. i do not have any auto insurance. i was a pedestrian that got backed into by a car. i now will have to go and have surgery on my knee. to make a long story short, will my sisters auto insurance cover me because i am a resident relative? will their auto insurance go up if they cover me (they will get reimbursed though by the party who hit me)""

""I cheated my husband he knows but still wants to keep me and the marriage,but dont love him anymore,what i do?""

i'm still staying with him he change to make me happy i gave him a chance i have 2 kids for their sake i stayed but still i'n not happy i rather have to divorce him i know i will have a peace of mine i want to do something that makes me happy he's a boring guy i just did'nt ralized that b4 coz i'm bc taking care of my 2 kids but now they're teenagers i suddenly realized how boring my life is,i'm 44 yrs old and i knoe i still can find better life ahead of me with the right person with me so i need help outthere if i really have to sacrifice ny happiness for the sake of my marriage and for the my kids? my husband is not really a good provider we both have financial problem he had his money i have my own,i dont have a name on his bank account either his on mine he paid all the bills,i paid the daycare and the clothes for me and the kids,the sch. lunch for 1 kid him the other kid,i paid the car insurance which it's not my name but since i'm the one using it.so pls. help what shall i do?""

Cars with cheap insurance?

I am 17 and hold a full UK provisional license. I am having driving lessons. I'm just wondering of any cars with cheap insurance for when I pass my test as I'll be getting a car for my birthday in October. I am a girl so no boy racing cars

Looking for AFFORDABLE individual medical insurance plan?

Is there anyone one here from Minnesota who can recommend a decent relatively inexpensive family medical insurance plan? 2 adults and 3 children. They can't afford 800 bucks a month for a plan with a 5000 buck deductible or 700 for a 7000 deductible. He makes too much for medical assistance or Minnesota Care or Medicaid...just a little too much, and he isn't eligible for medical coverage through his employer. Please help!!!! Anyone ever hear of Land's Health???""

Why does my car insurance provider ask for other people in household?

Does it matter who I live with if they aren't going to be driving my car? How will it affect my rates? When I first got my insurance I lived with roommates - they had good driving records but still they never drove my car (they had their own!), now I live with my fiance who has a DUI - will my rates go up because of it? He has his own truck and SUV so we rarely ride my car and when we do I ALWAYS drive... so why do I need to tell my insurance company (Mercury) who else resides in my home?!""

Can an insurance company buy off and tow my car?

some construction company hit my car. the estimate repair is 2400.00 my car in kellybluebook is 1600.00, they said they could either write me a check of 1000.00 or their insurance if going to tow my car and give me what they think is worth. can an insure really do that? can't they just repair my car and give me a rental until i get it repaired? what should i do the accident happened 6/26/13""

Affordable Health insurance in CA ?

I'm looking to buy health insurance in CA. my income is 10,000$ a year and because i only work part time. i applied for Medical few months ago through welfare office, but my case worker was really mean he was asking for a lot of documents in order to approve my application and every time i go to the welfare office they make me wait for 4 hours.so i decided to look for health insurance through Obama care website but i found that planes that cost 100$ and below doesn't cover even 30% of the medical expenses. any ideas about getting affordable health insurance in CA with good coverage ??? Thank you""

Ex husband to pay off car. Who pays insurance?

Since my ex is paying my car off in the divorce shouldn't he be responsible for the full coverage insurance? I cant afford full coverage. If I only get liability should he cover the rest to obtain full coverage? Help!

Would my insurance rate go up on a car with more features?

I'm buying a car today and I already have the insuance and can leave with the car today once I give a down payment. However, the car dealer and I were speaking on the phone and he told me he can give me the same car and year but with more features like a Nav Panel on the dashboard and bluetooth and a couple of other smaller details like USB ports. Now my question would be, with these new features that don't exactly change much from the car I was originally getting, would this make my insurance go up?""

Is the renault twizy cheap for teenagers?

Is the insurance cheap Im looking around below 2000 a year

Will I go to jail for not having health insurance?

Will I go to jail for not having health insurance?

Teen Drivers Insurance?

Ok so I am a Teen Driver and I am about to get licensed...I need Car insurance...any one know the average in TX? Thanks

Pulled over by the police today without no insurance and no driving licence in the uk?

today i got pulled over by the police without a driving licence and no insurance the car had insurance but it was in my moms name and i only had a provisional license how much points will i get for that and will i get a band?

Cheapest car insurance in nj?

Cheapest car insurance in nj?

Which is the best CAR INSURANCE....UK?

I'm 19 and was wondering which is the best company to get car insurance from and the best way of getting it the cheapest.? Me and my dad are not quite sure of the tricks used to get the best deal, so i would appreciate it if you could help.? A few of my friends get their insurance dirt cheap because they are named drivers on their parent's car - but when i try to get a quote online it still charges me over 1500. Thanks. (In the UK btw)""

Health Insurance: How Much Will COBRA cost me?

I'm not one who likes working for others, and I'm getting enrolled in my company's health insurance. It's only for me, and they'll wind up deducting like $160 per month from my paycheck. I'm looking to leave as soon as I can, but if I choose to maintain the insurance through COBRA, will it be close to around the $160 or is it likely to be much higher, like $300 or more? Is there any way I can find out at this time?""

Car Insurance For 17 Year Olds In The UK ?

Im taking my test in a month but would just like to know what are some of the cheapest cars to insure as i dont have the bank of mum and dad to help me out so i have my weekend job which i get about 100 from roughly ive heard some people getting insurance for 1200 which is fairly cheap also what are the cheapest insurance companies ???

Fairfax Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 22030

Fairfax Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 22030

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/fosterville-tennessee-cheap-car-insurance-quotes-zip-37063-price/"