#and she only opens up later in the episode after the titling scene/standing up to her dad for the first time

[aq2003]

the campaign vox machina people were right That "do i look like i come from money" conversation can Hit different

[sadhornydemons]

Rapid-Spoiler-Season-Speculation: Apology Tour/Ghostf*ckers

Caution: some references are made to other spoilers, so proceed with caution if you wish to avoid.

Apology Tour:

Alright, I'll admit, this episode I think I understand the least, so I'm sure I'm completely off the mark in even attempting to make sense of it.

Cake will be served, and it's clown Blitz version. Heart on an item in the back, heart on the knife. How many years has it been and she's still obsessed?

WHATEVER this is, Blitz didn't just stumble into it, I wonder if some type of invitation got him there.

Blood/red stained sheet for unknown reasons.

I think I'm the only one who preferred the earlier design, but guess I just have a type.

WHAT. DA. FUCK.

Yeah, of course, this is when my imagination starts churning.

Did Stolas reach just the perfect amount of drunk before his Spotify breakup playlist reached Olivia Rodrigo, causing him to throw on last year's Halloween costume and portal himself to his ex so he could express himself properly?

No, Stolas had an entire stage prop production prepared. That or we haven't seen the full extent of his magic conjuring abilities.

(same outfit, I'm keeping my eye on the spiked collar 'cause it's new to his wardrobe)

I don't know what could bring this on. At first, I thought it was a dream sequence, but the spiked collar turns up in a later scene. Maybe I just haven't accepted that my fav character could be an asshole?

Screenshots of Blitz, sheet is now a hoodie, we really don't know what he's looking at in this particular scene.

I don't think this is a full scale concert, though. Probably more of a private event. Maybe Verosika was planning a gathering of the 'We Hate Blitzo' fanclub, but Stolas was the only one to RSVP.

If it is, a public concert, I mean, I can just imagine the headlines:

Prince Stolas shocks audience members by appearing as the opening act in Verosika Mayday's concert, preforming his original ballad, 'Imp Dicks Aren't Worth the Heartbreak'.

And if it is a regular event, there's the possibly Blitz attended on purpose..to apologize about things? (hence the title) I don't know, it just all seems too weird.

As poster bleucaesura noted, Stolas is on his couch in this scene. The red stained sheet, presumably with Blitz under, stand before him. Stolas's collar is spiked, so this seems to happen after the musical number.

This is mainly all the info we have this episode, but looking ahead to future ones, I'm thinking this is gonna conclude the majority of the Stolitz angst. Or at least the current ones.

As many have noted, this season has been following a pattern of focusing on, and occasionally resolving Blitz's relationship problems. Unhappy Campers introduced Barbie properly, adding more details to the fire incident. Oops and Mammon's Magnificent Musical Mid-Season Special added to that by focusing on him and Fizz. Full Moon and Apology Tour seem to be based around Stolas and then both Stolas and Verosika, fitting since it's comparing people from his love life.

Hence, I believe the next episode will instead prioritize Blitz's relationship with M&M:

Ghostfuckers:

The IMP mobile is totaled and appears spray painted. Therefore, guessing this scene must take place first:

But what would cause "a life on the run", as Blitz puts it, unless he wasn't completely serious?

And I'm not sure if the hooded folks, "Come out, we've got your surrounded." scene was edited in before this or not.

There are those clouds in the background and it seems to call for a more scary scene, or at least until he checks his watch.

(actually those could all take place in previous episode or the ones to come, for all we know!)

Blitz wears a bad disguise rather than using an asmodean crystal. We could read too much into that because maybe Blitz just LIKES coming up with disguises, but in other spoilers, we see Blitz using a book for portals.

The enemy is doing bad things to the character's mental health, bringing about their worse fears. In reference to Blitz, I wonder if this is this is where those scenes come into play:

Interesting how it's edited like Blitz watching a filmstrip of his life, complete with a decorative frame.

Shown in a different style, I wonder if this flashback will also be used:

And, (if my earlier theory is wrong), this has to appear somewhere:

We see a flashback to a younger, longer hair Millie (not unlike her wedding photo):

(and it looks like outside a ship? Hey, maybe pirates really did have port windows!)

Which may be used to match up with this fight:

This, however, is hopefully, just another hallucination:

Okay, for the rest of this episode, one can't really speculate because the (looks both ways cautiously) storyboards leaked last year reveal a good chuck of the action and dialogue. So without getting TOO into that, for those who want to avoid getting too spoiled, I'll conclude this episode may turn out to be a fun, scary, but with admittedly triggering subjects, that showcase Blitzø's messy and occasionally obsessive relationship with Moxxie and Millie.

...and possibly new issues with Loona? Something is hinted out, but I might get into THAT speculation in the last two episodes.

[chartmyfixations]

cris watches dr. who: s03e02 - "The Shakespeare Code"

"Come on! We can have a good flirt later!" "Is that a promise, Doctor?" "Oh, fifty-seven academics just punched the air. Come on."

The victim in the opening scene kind of gives me Captain Jack Harkness vibes

Look, I get that we're doing MacBeth, but there had better be a twist to these three witches other them being three old crones. C'mon, Dr. Who, that's a very tired trope

Of course Martha wants to know how it works. She's asking all the relevant questions –  the grandfather paradox, standing on a butterfly in the past, slavery viz a viz her. The Doctor skates right by her all very legitimate complaints

A Harry Potter-call out! Poor Dr Who authors - they had the foresight to predict book seven would be a tear jerker, but not J.K. Rowling's bad turn into transfobia after that

Aw, he misses Rose. Martha is not amused. (Doctor, you dope! You don't bring up the ex when you're sharing a bed)

Bisexual Shakespeare confirmed! It's me, I'm one of the fifty-seven academics punching the air

Ah yes, the convenient, once per season telepathy

"Let me out!" "They're all shouting that!" Hee

I do enjoy the running joke about the Doctor inspiring Shakespeare's words, never mind the massive holes in the space-time continuum. (If the Doctor quotes to be or not to be at Shakespeare, then Shakespeare would have never written those words to inspire the Doctor in the first place. Unstable time loop, that is.)

Hee. The famous Shakespeare collar! (Fuck you, I went to Stratford-upon-Avon, I'm almost a Shakespeare scholar.)

Ooh, so Martha is the Dark Lady? That's hot

So, is the title a reference to Dan Brown? If so - why?

Elisabeth hates the Doctor! Is this a callback to really old episodes or a callforward to future episodes? Only time will tell!

5 out of 8 Tardes. Shakespeare was a little too annoyingly smarmy and the gift of words is a little too hokey

[terrorofthetrident]

from an interview ewan did, he said that aemond never felt unconditional love from his family. aemond believes their love is dependent upon his usefulness. so, i think the fact that alicent might not look at him as the dutiful son she can always rely on (be disappointed in him) because of what happened at storm’s end will affect him and lead him into desperation in the attempt to be seen as that dutiful son again, the one his family can look to to see them through the war. i think in season two he’ll embrace his kinslayer title, play it up, and act like he doesn’t care about what his family thinks or says and hide behind that cold, stony facade…but eventually we’ll start to see that facade break away.

Different anon, in my opinion it's terrible circle where aemond can't stand alicent being disappointed in him, because he wants to be her beloved child forever, but he's also willing to show he's still useful, deserving her love despite storms end. I just don't think real closeness, vulnerability, mutual trust can exist betweeen him and alicent because he leaves no room for that. In episode 6 she comforted him, in 7 she was fighting for family to care for him when he lost an eye, but later he doesn't need her to show him support or console him anymore. He isn't vulnerable with her. I am not aegon fan but i admit he's always vulnerable around alicent and no one else. when he cries after she slapped him, do you love me talk in carriage and in trailer with the two of them in one room when he looks tired/sad/anxious with his hand on the chair. alicent just knows aegon better because he lets her in as an adult. he trusts her enough to be emotionally vulnerable with her. aemond hides his vulnerable side from her and everyone else. That doesn't encourage real closeness if he wears a mask all the time. vhagar is his only friend because he doesn't give anyone or himself a chance of real closeness. he is the designer of his own loneliness. I don't know what must happen for aemond to show his facade break away. He is the type to rather die than confess he cares.

first, i’m sorry for the late response, i’m so bad with asks. but thank you for sharing your thoughts! i tried not to make this so wordy (kinda failed).

so, i agree with you on some aspects…despite aemond’s own feeling that the love his family has for him is conditional, it’s clear that he loves his family and that alicent loves him unconditionally. even though aemond isn’t very open in expressing his emotions and feelings, there are still many ways in which he shows that he loves and cares for his family. he’s very protective of them, he pretty much trained his entire life so that he would be his family’s sword and shield, and he can be loving and caring with his family. in ep 9, we see him drop that cold, stony facade when he’s with alicent. he’s soft, caring, and comforting which is very different to his demeanor in ep 8. i think closeness and trust exists between them despite the lack of vulnerability with his words..but i do see your point, i think because aemond is guarded with his emotions alicent likely doesn’t have a deep level of understanding of who he really is, which is really just the tragic reality of their relationship due to the kind of environment they grew up in. aemond wants to be viewed as this formidable and capable protector that his family can depend on and to him vulnerability equals weakness, so he hides it from and for them.

for the most part, we don’t really see aemond openly expressing his emotions, other than when the bottled up emotions brewing up inside him cause him to explode in anger….and with all the tragedies his family will endure, i think it’s likely we’ll get scenes where he expresses his anger/rage/guilt…i think we could see glimpses of his vulnerability show in private moments where he’s alone and/or possibly with criston (i say this because it seems he feels comfortable sharing things with criston ie. when he brought up how he was taken to a brothel when he was 13).

i’m curious to see more interactions between aemond and his family, but, so far from what we’ve gotten, aemond’s scenes with alicent mostly revolve around him making himself useful (in ep 9, when he learns that viserys has died, the first thing he does is head to his mother’s room to offer his support, then when alicent asks criston to find aegon for her, aemond offers to join him).

aemond’s relationship with vhagar is different from the one with his family, he knows she accepts and loves him unconditionally. she can feel what he feels, so he can’t hide his true emotions from her, she sees him for who he truly is and, i think, knows him more than anyone. aemond and vhagar bonded due to their similarities of feeling lonely and like they didn’t belong….and this brings me to alys. idk about your and everyone else’s thoughts on their relationship, but i think their relationship has so much potential. he could identify with alys similarly to how he does with vhagar and develop a deep connection with alys through their potential similarities and we could see the facade break away….and i’ll just leave it at that.

[excusethequality]

My 2024 in Film: February

Another month of movies.

Like usual I'll hide it behind the line so as not to bombard the timelines of the uninterested.

But there were a lot of good movies watched in February.

* = Rewatches

February

14.

Evil Demon Golf Ball from Hell!!!

(1997)

—Short Comedy Thriller

Directed by: Rian Johnson

After a robbery takes a bad turn a criminal finds himself cursed with a golf ball that won't stop following him.

Here I was thinking that I was an old school Rian Johnson fan, because I've loved Brick since back in the day, but turns out he was making short films even before that.

I'm not gonna say it's amazing tell-all-your-friends cinema or anything. But I will say that if you're in the middle segment of the venn diagram of people that both enjoy Rian Johnson and Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, I'd recommend you check it out. It definitely has the vibes of a Jojo episode, because that golfball has got to be an autonomous stand like Notorious B.I.G.

15.

La Nuit du 12

[English title: "The Night of the 12th"]

(2022)

—Mystery

Directed by: Dominik Moll

A French homicide detective, plagued by the mystery behind the brutal murder of a young woman, is forced to confront the harsh truths of the world and the reality of what modern law enforcement really is.

There's some things to like about this one, but it can't ever escape the fact that—at its heart—it is not a story about the dangers of living as a woman under the patriarchy. It is a story about how difficult the brutal murder of this woman was for this poor male cop.

And how can you make a statement about the systems of a world where women have to fear this sort of thing from within a story about a woman getting fridged to give the male protagonist some pathos?

16.

Bound

(1996)

—Crime Thriller

Directed by: Lana Wachowski & Lilly Wachowski

While fixing up an apartment a handywoman falls for the woman next door only to discover that their criminal connections could prove to be their salvation or their downfall.

My roommates and I have roommate movie nights wherein every month we select a new theme and everyone has to pick their own movie fitting the theme without telling anyone else what it is until it's their night. Then throughout the month we'll watch them all.

And before each showing the picker will show a couple trailers of the things they were thinking about picking but that didn't make the final cut.

I had always avoided this movie because anytime I hear something described as an erotic thriller my ace ass is running the other way. But we wound up watching the trailer for it during a roommate movie night and I was intrigued.

(extra intrigued because I didn't know Jennifer Tilly was in it and I hadn't seen her in anything in some time.)

So I figured I'd give it a try. And much to my surprise I really enjoyed it. I think I might actually prefer the Wachowski's style in this than I do their later stuff? Not only is it super queer, but it's also just a really engaging thriller. Definitely worth sitting through the couple of erotic scenes for.

17.

Corner Office

(2022)

—Comedy Mystery

Directed by: Joachim Back Based on: "Rummet" by Jonas Karlsson

A businessman starts a new job only to discover a mysterious office that grants him exceptional clarity. The only problem is that he's the only one who can see it and the rest of the office is a little uncomfortable with how he keeps going into the hallway to stare at the wall during his breaks.

I'm not really sure what the message of this movie was supposed to be? It's too uncomfortable to be funny, and it's too odd to be thrilling. I'm open to the idea that I just completely missed the point, but the whole thing felt like having some Boomer talk at you for 102 minutes.

18.*

Ready or Not

(2019)

—Horror

Directed by: Matt Bettinelli-Olpin & Tyler Gillett

On her wedding night a bride is asked to partake in a family tradition of her new in-laws: to play a game. However, the stakes of this game are far higher than she was expecting.

Right off the bat I'm gonna warn you against watching the trailer for this one. It shows way too much and spoils some surprises. I think it's a great one to go into knowing only the broadstrokes. But if you really want one, this one with Indonesian subtitles is cut much better than the standard US one.

Anways, I love this movie!

Samara Weaving is phenomenal as the lead. It's shot super well. And its satire of the rich is excellent.

I don't care what anyone thinks, it's a 5/5 to me. I have a blast every time I watch it and I have seen it quite a few times.

19.

The Lost City

(2022)

—Comedy Adventure

Directed by: Aaron Nee and Adam Nee

An eccentric billionaire kidnaps a romance novelist in order to find a lost treasure. Now it's up to the cover model of her books to rescue her.

I don't know how to put this, but this is a great example of where the writing of big studio Hollywood is these days, and why it drives me crazy. This is essentially (but not technically) a remake of Romancing the Stone (1984) and when you compare them you can really see how screenwriting has changed.

And I wouldn't even say Romancing the Stone is top tier writing or anything. But from the standards of its era it was a solid entry. It might not be the flashiest thing, but it has a strong foundations and it is first-and-foremost telling a story. And that's why it's memorable.

But The Lost City feels like a 2 hour long SNL skit. It's inherently NOT about the story. The story is secondary. It's about the jokes. The story is just there to be a set piece to tell some jokes. Because of this the scenes don't progress in a way to tell the story, they progress to get from one skit to another.

The result is that there is no foundation for me hang my attention on. It's all just empty calories. Yet the film will still try to have big story and character beats, but they didn't do any of the groundwork and so it's all hollow for me.

The viewers wanted silliness and adventure and big names and bigger action, right? Well, here it is! Isn't it great!? Here's a plate of sugar and salt and oil, these are the things you wanted, right? What you put them in is secondary, right? Why bother making a dish when we can just give you what you want.

I don't know. I was excited about this one, because Channing Tatum, Sandra Bullock, and Daniel Radcliffe usually always make me laugh. So them being in something together seemed like a recipe for something I'd like. But it very much was not.

And so many big movies feel like this these days; as if movies are being written by a group consensus instead of by a storyteller.

20.

Cameraperson

(2016)

—Documentary Memoir

Directed by: Kirsten Johnson

Documentary filmmaker and cinematographer Kirsten Johnson creates a memoir of her life and career through the unused footage of the documentaries she's worked on.

I had never seen this one before, but this was my pick for a roommate movie night. The theme was: "Oh!...So that's a thing."

I figured that the easy road would be to pick a documentary that highlighted some unusual group or idea, but I wanted to push the boundaries of the theme. I wanted to find something that wasn't about something unusual, but was itself something unusual.

And that's how I wound up at Kirsten Johnson.

I had first heard of her during a fantastic episode of Switchblade Sisters where she was the guest and she put forth a truly fascinating documentary-filmmaker view of Jackass: The Movie (2002). In the episode she also talks about her film Dick Johnson is Dead (2020), and I was thinking that maybe that would work.

But in looking at her other work I saw this and the idea behind it sounded so interesting that I had to go with it.

It's April as I write this post and this is currently sitting as my favorite thing I've watched this year.

I just love it. It is such a uniquely compelling film. If you were to make a standard documentary about documentary filmmaking I don't think it could come close to reaching this kind of impact. It would seem too sterile. But by using the parts of the documentaries that you don't see it is able to paint this fascinating picture of both her life and her profession, while making you feel like you're along for the ride.

I've thought about this movie so much since I've watched it. Definitely check it out if you get the chance.

21.

Marry Me

(2022)

—Rom-Com

Directed by: Kat Coiro Based on: Marry Me by Bobby Crosby

A pop-star in the middle of a crisis decides to accept the offer of a fan at her concert who is holding a sign saying "Marry Me."

I am part of the small percentage of people that have read the webcomic this was based on, so I was shocked when I saw it had been adapted.

As a connoisseur of Rom-Coms I found this is to be a little below average. But I can't really dislike it, because J.Lo is giving it her all.

Owen Wilson is phoning it in HARD, but J.Lo is going for it.

I wouldn't tell you to go out of your way to see it, but if you're low on options and you see it somewhere, you could do a hell of a lot worse than a movie with J.Lo proving she's still as good as she ever was.

P.S. "On My Way (Marry Me)" is a banger.

22.

Knock at the Cabin

(2023)

—Mystery Thriller

Directed by: M. Knight Shyamalan Based on: The Cabin at the End of the World by Paul Tremblay

A strange group descends on a small family vacationing in a rural cabin and presents them with a choice: decide which member of the family should die and then kill them, or else the entire world will be destroyed.

I distinctly remember early in M. Knight's career where that man could do no wrong. I also distinctly remember years later where a trailer said "From the mind of M. Knight Shyamalan" and everybody laughed.

After he created the absolute heaping white-washed trashfire that is The Last Airbender (2010) I has just wrote him off. But it's been a decade! Maybe he has managed to get back to his roots? And the library had his new stuff so I figured why not see what the man has been up to, without giving him any money.

Anyways, I hate this.

I hate this a lot.

I also hate that Dave Bautista is giving a really great performance, because it'll be the hidden silver lining to an otherwise terrible movie.

From what I read the book this is based on takes the story in a very different direction, so no shade on the book. But I am just lost at knowing what this movie is trying to say? Because I can't help but be wildly uncomfortable with a movie written by a straight man about how a gay couple should kill each other in order to save the world?

Like...what the actual fuck is this? Why would you make this?

23.

Old

(2021)

—Sci-Fi Mystery

Directed by: M. Knight Shyamalan Based on: Château de sable by Pierre Oscar Lévy & Frederik Peeters

A group of families find themselves trapped on a strange beach where they seem to be aging at a highly accelerated rate.

I haven't done the proper research, but I have a working theory that if Gael García Bernal is in a big Hollywood movie: it won't be good. But if Gael García Bernal is in a Spanish-language movie: it will be fantastic.

Which is to not to insult him in any way, but is to say that Hollywood has no idea how to use this man's talents.

Anyways, M.Knight is back at it! Once again getting great actors to be in bad movies. This is just plot hole after plot hole after plot hole. And since this was based on a French graphic novel I actually did read it afterword, so now I can confidently say that he has once again both entirely missed the point of the source material and also gave it a ridiculous ending.

I can't say it's utterly forgettable, but I kind of wish it was.

24.*

Best in Show

(2000)

—Comedy Mocumentary

Directed by: Christopher Guest

Cameras document 5 contestants on their way to the biggest dog show of year.

I'm not positive, but I think this is the first mockumentary I ever saw? My best friend's family loves mockumentaries so I wound up watching a bunch while over at his house and it rubbed off on me. So I have a lot of nostalgia for this one.

It's just such a fun movie. Quotes from this movie live rent free in my head. And the cast! The cast is so good. This is one of those movies that I'll always be down to watch.

25.

Cane Toads: An Unnatural History

(1988)

—Documentary

Directed by: Mark Lewis

A wild look at Australia's history with its most notorious eco-terrorist: the cane toad.

This is one of the movies I was thinking of for the previous roommate movie night, but didn't go with. I obviously still had to watch it by myself later, because I mean...how can you not want to see this?

This friggin' movie is wild. Not only is the story it's telling wild, but it shoots from the perspective of the toads? They had songs written for the movie about toads? It's just something you have to see to understand.

I also thought I knew the story of the cane toads ravaging Australia, but I definitely didn't know the whole story. It's only 47 minutes long. You can find the whole thing on Youtube if you can't find it elsewhere. If you don't watch it for the unique style of Documentary, you gotta watch it to hear the story about these toads. That's the kind of crazy history that you just can't make up.

26.

Nimona

(2023)

—Animated Sci-Fi Fantasy Found-Family Adventure

Directed by: Nick Bruno & Troy Quane Based on: Nimona by ND Stevenson

A young shapeshifter teams up with a criminal ex-knight to overthrow the status quo.

What's this? Another movie this month based on a webcomic I read back in the day? What are the odds?

I've always been a fan of the Nimona comic. In fact I was even one of the many fans reading it here and Tumblr back in the day!

When I was working at a bookstore the Nimona graphic novel was a real popular seller and while the store's owner never gave me credit, I am taking full credit for it. Because it wasn't even on her radar until I pre-ordered my copy and told her how great it was, so she ordered an extra copy for the store. Then I wrote a shelf talker for it and we kept selling it and boom! It became a store staple.

[Sorry, I' hope y'all don't mind 'm just in a chatty mood. So you're are just gonna have to keep putting up with all this stories behind the things I'm watching!]

Netflix has a love for dicking me over time and time again, so I was resigned to probably not being able to see this one, because I refuse to give them any money. But they actually decided to do something cool for once and they put the full movie on Youtube for free in the time leading up to the Oscars.

Overall I really liked it! But I've gotta say that I like it as an addition to the graphic novel and not as a replacement for it. Because in the context of the source material it's delightful, but if you only watched this I feel like you'd be missing out on a lot. Ballister and Ambrosius' relationship in particular is WAY more interesting in the comic.

Also, I'm also not sure why the art director of the movie decided to give Ballister permanent puppy-dog eyes? But that's neither here nor there.

27.*

Evil Dead II

(1987)

—Horror Comedy

Directed by: Sam Raimi

Both a sequel and a remake of the first movie. Ash is back at the cabin and so are the deadites! But this time...it's zanier!

I have discovered that among Horror fans I have some hot takes regarding the Evil Dead films. The first of them is that Evil Dead (2013) is an amazing movie and a fantastic adaptation, and all y'all are just haters.

But the second of them is that The Evil Dead (1981) is the far superior film to Evil Dead II.

The Evil Dead is creepy and wild and delightfully independent and creative. Army of Darkness (1992) is a campy and hilarious adventure through a nightmare world. And floating adrift somewhere in the middle, with no real goal is Evil Dead II.

I know many people who love it, and I wish them the best. But personally every time I've watched this I've just been thinking that this is all time I could've spent watching one of the other ones.

[Except for Evil Dead Rise (2023) which is by far the worst of them all. I'm not sure if that's another hot take or not, but it's true.]

28.*

Leprechaun

(1993)

—Horror Comedy

Directed by: Mark Jones

While sprucing up an old house a spoiled girl and a family of painters runs afoul of an evil leprechaun when one of them eats some of his gold.

I thought I hadn't actually seen all of this when I sat down to watch it, but then the character Ozzie showed up and it all came flooding back to me.

But don't be like me. Don't watch Leprechaun by yourself. Leprechaun is a dish that should be enjoyed with the company of friends. Also some alcohol.

Because it's not a good movie, but it can definitely be a fun movie.

29.

Leprechaun 2

(1994)

—Horror Comedy

Directed by: Rodman Flender

The leprechaun is back! This time he's determined to transform a girl into his leprechaun bride.

Okay, now THIS one I'm pretty sure I had never seen before.

It's also not good. And not even bad in the fun way the original one was, it's just not good. Although Warwick Davis being a menace is never not fun.

But the girl is the most interesting character and she is sidelined for most of it. Thus we're stuck following her dumbass boyfriend and his alcoholic boss around. And they are just the dullest characters to follow around.

30.

Barb & Star Go to Vista Del Mar

(2021)

—Comedy Adventure

Directed by: Josh Greenbaum

Two mid-western best friends decide to spice up their life and take a vacation to Florida.

I have a friend that adores this movie. It looked a little weird, so I wasn't sure about it, but I decided to trust her judgement and my love of Kristen Wiig and give it a try.

And she was right, because this movie is so much fun. It's probably not the sort of humor that everyone will love, but it's definitely the sort of humor that cracks me up.

31.*

Barb & Star Go to Vista Del Mar

(2021)

see #30

After I finished it, I immediately watched it again with commentary, okay?

Don't judge me!

32.

Oppenheimer

(2023)

—Bio-Pic Drama

Directed by: Christopher Nolan

The story of Robert Oppenheimer's history of developing the atomic bomb.

One of my roommates told me at nearly midnight that he was about to put this on and asked if I wanted to watch. It is 3 hours long, but I'm always up late anyways, so I figured why not.

I don't really have many thoughts on this. I typically love Cillian Murphy, but I kind of don't like his Oppenheimer accent in this?

Also people kept talking about Robert Downey Jr.'s performance and I don't know why, because Josh Hartnett was the real standout for me. Somewhere along the line he got really good at acting.

33.

Shall We Dance

(1937)

—Musical Rom-Com

Directed by: Mark Sandrich

A famous ballet dancer starts a rumor that he's married to a performer he has a crush on. This is rather unfortunate for her as the rumor is making it difficult for her to marry her actual finance.

I had never heard of this before, but I stumbled across it while trying to see if the library had a copy of Shall We ダンス? (1996). It turns out they did not, but they did have this.

I didn't like it.

The plot is really creepy when you think about it. Most of the musical numbers aren't very good. And I just was rather bored for most of it. And the moviegoers of the time didn't love it either, so it's not just me!

The main thing it has going for it is that Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire are so friggin' talented that it is always fun to watch them perform. And old movies are always a trip. They have a scene with barely any cuts where Rogers and Astaire do a tap dance number on roller skates. If that's not talent then I don't know what is.

34.

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome

(1985)

—Post-Apocalyptic Action Adventure

Directed by: George Miller & George Ogilvie

In a post-apocalyptic Australia a lone wanderer becomes embroiled in a power struggle between the sibling rulers of a city.

In a reverse of Leprechaun, I was convinced I had seen this before. I was so sure of it. But when the film truly goes BEYOND the thunderdome? None of that rang a bell AT ALL.

I'm going to assume I had only watched parts of it some time in the past, but never the whole thing. Because the whole second half was a wild surprise for me.

Definitely an interesting watch if you're a fan of the Borderlands games.

35.*

Scream 4

(2011)

— Meta Horror

Directed by: Wes Craven

Ten years after the events of the last movie and Sydney Prescott has finally managed to piece her life back together. But when she returns to her hometown as part of her book tour she soon finds that another familiar face has also returned to Woodsboro.

Unlike with the Evil Dead series, I have no idea how my Scream takes are seen within the Horror fandom. But I love Scream 4. I would go so far as to say that it is my second favorite of the entire franchise, with the first one being the only one that tops it.

I know the third movie gets a lot of hate, so if you dropped off the series at some point and never made it to 4, I humbly suggest you give it a watch. Heck, I'm not positive, but I think you could firmly enjoy this one if the only other one you had seen was the first.

I had never seen anything past 4, so I figured I'd give it a rewatch before finally getting around to watching 5 and 6.

36.

Scream

(2022)

— Meta Horror

Directed by: Matt Bettinelli-Olpin & Tyler Gillett

Ghostface strikes again! And this time Sydney isn't even in town! Maybe people shouldn't live in Woodsboro?

[Right off the bat I should mention that although it is the fifth movie, they decided to make the bold choice to name it "Scream." Does this mean that 2 of the movies in the franchise now have the same name? Yes. Yes it does. Is that kind of confusing? Yes. It certainly is!]

Ohhhhh boy. On one hand I'm glad I rewatched 4 to remind me of where the series last left off. But on the other hand I wish I hadn't because it set my bar really high.

I've heard people screaming praises for this one, so I figured I'd finally get around to checking it out. Especially because these directors also did Ready or Not which—as we have previously established—I love.

HOWEVER, I did not love this.

I don't care what any other fans think, this is going dead last in my Scream rankings. I'd gladly watch 3 before I'd watch this again. The whole thing is like a terrible Scream fan fiction story.

I am so glad I got this from the library, because if I had paid to see this in the theater I would have been even more annoyed.

——————

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February Stats

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Movies watched this month: 23

Rewatches: 26% ( 6/23 )

My favorite new movie of the month: Cameraperson

Least favorite: Knock at the Cabin

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Previous Month's Posts:

JAN

[rays-of-fire-and-ice]

BLEACH: The Thousand Year Blood War Ep 14 Reactions and Thoughts

Overall reaction:

We're back (again) and we're better than ever!

Highlights:

The start: that was creepy! I loved the visuals throughout this sequence, from the weird conception bit all the way up to Yhwach maturing into a child. It's interesting they didn't go from the manga approach in explaining how Yhwach came to be (perhaps it'll come later), but this was a solid opening showing the menace Yhwach is. Chad and Orihime's scenes: these were nice quiet moments of contemplation, and it's just good to see these two interact. They're two of the very few characters who are involved in this war that aren't Shinigami, Quincy, Arrancar, or without powers. They give a unique perspective comapred to the other sides in this battle, and it's nice to see it shown here before everything goes to heck. That Renruki scene: yep, just as I was hoping it'd be adapted. And then getting glimpses of Byakuya afterwards, the Byakuya fandom got fed today! Bazz B and Jugram: I'm a sucker for this friendship-to-rivalry dynamic, and I loved seeing the beginnings of it here. Uryu being sworn in: I didn't expect this affect me as much as it did, but God, I felt it; especially after seeing the moment where Uryu stands amongst the graves, alone. Shinji and Hiyori's exchange: it's just good to see my man back (again)! This scene was as funny as I thought it was going to be. But where was Momo?! She's meant to be in this scene too. The ending: the title drop was predictable but DAMN did it make an impact. It all just came together to leave feeling hyped for what's to come next. The new opening: what isn't there to love about this new opening?! The song is absolutely killer (I'm listening to it as we speak) the animation is stellar, and everyone looks great in it! What kills me is the scenarios being shown here! It's like the team went online, saw what the popular AUs were in the fandom, and just put them into the opening (…well that and they wanted to incorporate Kubo's Klub Outside drawings into an opening I guess...yeah, that definitely wasn't the main reason at all :P). I'm not a fan of AUs but even I got hyped when I thought of this. Here we have:

Cafe AU (it took me way too long to realise that Byakuya, I honestly thought the first time I saw this they were talking to Aizen and was wondering why they're so happy to be there with him XD):

Skating AU:

Singers/Rappers/Music AU:

Neo noir AU:

Mafia AU:

Record store AU (okay but seriously, where was Shinji in this one?! This scenario is practically built for him)

Basketball AU:

And even a Halloween AU:

My only nit picks with it are 1) where was Momo?, and 2) was I the only one who laughed with Rukia using a fire extinguisher to 'defeat' As Nodt. Don't get me wrong, the metaphor/analogy isn't lost on me, but I just couldn't help but laugh when I saw it. Maybe we're supposed to laugh, but she looks badass afterwards, soooo?

Once again, another fantastic season opening episode. Not too much happened in the way of action, but it was a great episode to start setting things up for the halfway point of this arc. My only complaint was...WHERE WAS MY GIRL?! Momo, where is she?! She wasn't in the opening, and she wasn't in the scene with Shinji talking with Hiyori (like she was in the manga) where is she?!

I'll leave it here, but I'm hyped for next week! Let's gooooo best brotp!

[butterflydm]

wot s2 speculation: remaining trailer scenes

So we still have a handful of scenes (...more than a handful!) from the trailers and teasers that haven't come to pass yet, and I'm going to speculate on where/when they might happen (using knowledge from The Great Hunt, so there are spoilers for book 2 here... oh wait, actually book 3: the Dragon Reborn because of a certain person):

First, scenes from the Official Behind the Scenes trailer that we haven't seen in the show yet:

Aviendha stands with Bain & Chiad (likely in Falme, after Perrin rescues her from the cage and they fight their way out of the Whitecloaks) -- this is possibly from our next episode, ep5! We can see that Aviendha has what looks like relatively recent injuries.

Moiraine and Lan (reunited!) walk together along a beach, with Lan a few feet behind Moiraine. Likely Falme, likely episode 8 or possibly the beginning of 7. Moiraine is back in her blue clothes with white touches but it doesn't look like the wide silhouette that she had on in the last episode.

Whitecloaks racing forward on horses - guessing episode 8, when they will clash with the Seanchan. They are racing into a fog, which makes me think of the Heroes of the Horn. There are some more Whitecloaks in that same environment later, guessing they are part of the same scene.

The large wheel that we know Rand is going to be tied to (I'm still thinking this will be TAR and potentially a confrontation with Lanfear rather than Ishy, but we'll see).

The Waygate near Falme, which is covered over in vegetation (not used in a long time?), which we are almost certain to see next episode.

Okay, this shot of Rand standing in the courtyard, I think we can get more meaning out of. I think this is after he blew the gate open (I think it's shut in some of our other promotion material) using the One Power before his confrontation with Turak. Episode 8. It looks like the door gets blown out before Rand faces off with Turak.

7. Rand walks in his fancy new black coat, with Moiraine and Lan behind him, and as Foregate burns. Might be next episode but I think it might be episode 7, since the episode titles imply we'll still be in Cairhien at that time (Daes Dar'mar).

8. Moiraine and Lan on the beach again, but now her blue coat is off and we see the white shirt underneath.

9. Min in a place that has windows like the ones we've already seen in Foregate, which implies that she and Mat do go to Cairhien as Ishy requested and will join up with Rand, Moiraine, & Lan.

10. Padan Fain walking in some fancy halls. I think this might be next episode, when Fain delivers the Horn to Turak.

11. A large circular building. I think it's Falme. Those might be sul'dam on the walls. Hard to say for sure on this one. Can't make out any familiar actors.

21. Whitecloaks fighting against Seanchan. episode 8. Loial might be in the far left of the shot? I think those are the clothes we've seen him wearing in the Seanchan shots.

22. An explosion. Can't tell if it's Falme or Foregate.

23. Aviendha fighting Whitecloaks -- next episode!

24. The shot of Rand sitting on a bed with blood on him... I'm trying to figure out if it's a bts of what we got in the last episode and if that's the bed that Selene tied him to. There's blood on his chest.

25. Padan Fain; brief glimpse.

26. Battle map -- tokens for Whitecloaks vs the Seanchan, I think.

Actually the vast majority of the shots in this bts teaser have NOT been on screen yet!

Scenes from the official trailer that premiered a month ago:

Rand stands on a floodplain type area, in his fancy black coat with the rising sun of Cairhien on the back. Could be in TAR. Could be him entering the area of Falme.

"Protecting Rand, guiding him. That is the only thing that matters." This is clearly after Lan has caught up with Moiraine. She's not wearing the outfit from last episode but something much more similar to the beach shots that we saw in the bts teaser. The question is, which episode will Lan catch up with Moiraine and Rand?

"You can't control him." Siuan says, on that throne we see her on when she talks to Rand later in the trailer. Likely to Moiraine.

A shot of Perrin communicating with Hopper -- not in the woods but in a similar floodplain type area that we saw Rand in at the start of the trailer.

Egwene in the collar, her eyes bloodshot. Oof. We might get this next episode or in episode 6.

In a room with a fireplace, Mat is sat in front of the ruby dagger and looks like he's trying to resist it.

"The whole world will be ours" - Turak opening the chest for the Horn of Valere -- this should be happening in the next episode.

Suroth's damane attack Egwene, Nynaeve, and Elayne. Next episode, pretty sure. Egwene is doing more no-hands channeling here, as she's been practicing all season.

The shot of the Whitecloaks racing into the fog, but the official one, where we can't see the vehicle with the camera-mount racing next to them.

Dressed all in blue, Moiraine and Siuan kiss -- I'm currently guessing that we get Siuan only in episode 6, like we did last season, but would be pleased if I'm wrong and we get her for multiple episodes. This is a flashback to Moiraine and Siuan before they hear the prophecy, I think, when they are still relatively carefree and have no thoughts about the Last Battle coming in their lifetimes.

"You can't do this by yourself" - continuation of Moiraine and Lan's argument from earlier in the trailer.

Aviendha veiling herself - next episode! So excited!

Perrin kills a Whitecloak (might be next episode but the stone walls make me wonder if it's not episode 8).

Egwene screams in the damane collar. This is gonna hurt.

Rand on the wheel -- Rand getting tied up here has Reverberations and Implications now if one of the Forsaken is doing it in TAR, after Lanfear tying Rand up at the end of ep4.

Rand stands in the courtyard where he's going to face off with Turak -- it does look to me like the door behind him is closed at this point. Then we go to a wider shot and it's open and I think we can see fighting going on beyond it. Turak pulls out a blade, right to fight Rand.

We get that zoom-out of Rand on the wheel, with a figure watching him. Difficult to make out, though it has the sort of weird horn-things that Suroth wears. Again, I think this is in TAR.

Mat stabbing down at something with a spear -- I think this will be episode 8.

An explosion -- this might be Rand opening that courtyard door using the Power.

"You are the water that turns the wheel itself." Rand and Siuan's big conversation! Looking forward to it. Rand in his fancy black coat.

A lot more of this one has already happened!

Finally, scenes from the trailer that premiered at the end of episode 1:

Perrin fighting against the Seanchan -- pretty sure this one is from episode 8. Looks like Loial is with him.

Guessing that younger Whitecloak in this scene with Aviendha is Dain Bornhald. So that's for next episode.

Elayne wearing a disguise -- this is her in Falme! She... she kinda looks like she's wearing a carpet tbh. Very brief shot. She looks startled.

Brief shot of Turak preparing to fight Rand.

Brief shot of Elayne and Nynaeve running (away from the Seanchan as Egwene protects them, I think)

The Whitecloaks racing into fog (again, ep 8, I think).

Suroth and Ishy walk in that courtyard where we've seen Rand facing off with Turak. I think this might be next episode, when Turak gets the Horn and it might establish that Turak is not a Darkfriend.

Rand is crouching on the ground while Ishy looms over him and talks about turning his friends to the Dark. Might be TAR? Might be the prelude to that one fight from TGH? Rand is wearing his fancy black coat.

Perrin stands back to back with Aviendha and then they fight -- guessing this is next episode. He might be using a hammer or an axe to fight? Doesn't look like a sword.

Mat in that flame-lit room with the dagger behind him on the table, but we can see him in front of a stained-glass window. I think the chair that he was sitting in during that other part of the scene is visible here on the left.

An enormous blackened crater, possibly on that same floodplain that we've seen Rand standing on before. Might be part of TAR? Might be the aftermath of a certain fight in the skies? Uncertain.

Rand is released from the wheel (releases himself?) and walks towards a blurry figure. Given the manacles, I really do wonder if maybe this is Rand and Lanfear in TAR. But it would also be very interesting if it was Ishy!

Lan and Moiraine do a forehead touch, awww, platonic divorce arc resolved. He tells her "I believe in what you do."

Shot of Rand... I think from the place where he was talking with Ishamael earlier in the trailer but now he's standing and looking around.

Lan fights some Seanchan on a beach.

A Aes Sedai weaves, looking very desperate. I feel like I can guess that the Seanchan are trying to capture her to be damane. Yeah, we get another shot of what might be her Warder fighting against one of the Seanchan.

"You were born to protect this world. Not just the ones you love." Guessing that Lan is talking to Rand here. Looks like Rand is in the fancy black coat here.

Another shot of Aviendha and Perrin facing the Whitecloaks.

Loial calls them "the heroes of today. It's time we start acting like it." It looks like he's talking to the Shienarans.

And I'm pretty sure this shot is Mat leading the Heroes of the Horn against a wave of the Seanchan (as we see Seanchan ships in the background)!

And Rand channels more fire at the end -- in the courtyard with Turak. I wonder if he skips doing a swordfight with him at all and that gets saved for Ishy, and Rand just goes straight to channeling here (aka do we really need TWO swordfights for Rand in the same episode). Hmm. The sparks look amazing here, btw. Rand is looking much more self-assured here.

[sakebytheriver]

What do you see happening long term with the Hetty x Trevor pairing?

Oh gosh, long term? Idk bro 😭😭😭😭

I personally have no long term thoughts about these two, I think I've made my opinion on their relationship pretty clear, I have no romantic inclinations for their ship, I just want them to fuck nasty for centuries 😭

If I'm being asked to speculate on where the show might go with it as a person who knows how cheesy American sitcoms are usually written I would say the show has a few directions they can take this ship,

1. Nigel uses his newfound knowledge of their secret relationship to blackmail Hetty and try to get the upper hand in their newfound feud which ends with Hetty purposefully outing her relationship with Trevor to show to Nigel he has no power over her and then she and Trevor publically make an announcement that they are done hooking up and it was just an itch they needed to scratch, but then there's an end credit scene where they're hooking up again and are like 'so we're not stopping?' 'of course not' and then we don't hear about H-money for a while until it's needed for plot relevancy

2. Nigel uses his newfound knowledge to blackmail Hetty and she and Trevor fall in line for a while until Hetty stands up for herself and tells Nigel she doesn't care if he tells everyone she won't cow to his demands anymore and then Nigel looks like he's about to reveal to everyone else she and Trevor are together but instead he says something else and keeps the secret, because now he respects Hetty and actually likes her and this secret between them is what brings them together as friends and she and Trevor keep hooking up in secret and then she has gossip time with Nigel about it

3. Nigel is about to march straight up to Isaac right after he caught H-money in the act, but Hetty chases after him and convinces him to keep it a secret one way or another and throughout the episode it looks like he's going to reveal them at a bunch of different points just to mess with them and at the end of the episode Hetty confronts him and he's like 'i made a promise I'd never say anything doesn't mean I can't have fun with it tho' and then he cheekily grins before walking away and the episode ends

4. Nigel immediately reveals that they are hooking up to the entire house in an opening scene before the title card while Hetty tries to play it off that he's making it up because he wants to usurp her, but her and Trevor's protests just make the rest of the ghosts and Sam realize the truth before they all make a grossed out face and noise about it that Trevor gets offended by and then title card and the rest of the episode is the fallout from the H-money reveal

5. We hear nothing about H-money for like two episodes they don't mention Nigel's discovery until one episode it starts with Hetty and Nigel whispering to each other with her being like 'you swear youve told no one' and hes like 'of course i havent but i might' and they have a conversation that feels more like a battle of wits with how much they banter in old timey etiquette speak and then the A or B plot of that episode is Trevor and Hetty trying to figure out if Nigel will blow up their spot or not until eventually the two of them inadvertently just blow up their own spot and then Nigel gets a little comment to be like 'i caught them in the basement two nights ago and she threatened me not to tell' tattle moment that just makes the fallout for H-money worse until eventually the whole house is like actually it's ok with us if you wanna keep hooking up we accept you and then Trevor and Hetty are like 'so we can keep hooking up without keeping it secret' 'does that kinda kill the heat?' 'oh my gosh yes it does' 'oh good thought it was just me, so friends?' 'friends' and then they shake hands and walk seperate ways and stop hooking up only for it to be mentioned as off hand jokes in later episodes and seasons

And I'm gonna stop making predictions now, I could keep going on and on about sitcom tropes with secret relationships, but I think 5 scenarios is enough for now 😭😭😭😭😭😭

[daraoakwise]

Celebrating Uhura in the Original Series!Episode 2x17 - A Piece of the Action and 2x18 The Immunity Syndrome.

Episode 2x17 - A Piece of the Action. This is another one of those weird Star Trek episodes that was in heavy rotation on syndicated TV when I was kid, featuring Kirk and Spock in Chicago gangster mode.

We open on Uhura calling down to pre-warp planet that had been contacted by a pre-prime directive Federation ship a 100 years ago. She is directed to a planetary official whose title is ‘Boss,’ which amuses both Kirk and Uhura.

Kirk, McCoy, and Spock beam down and are immediately captured. It turns out that the planet, which had been just reaching its industrial age a hundred years before, has been badly contaminated by a book about Chicago gangsters, and has modeled its culture after that criminal system.

The away team manages to escape, and Kirk mentions a delightful piece of information about Uhura’s job. He says that Uhura is monitoring planetary radio broadcasts and orders Spock and McCoy to hack into them so they can be beamed aboard the ship. I love that Uhura is monitoring the planet like that, keeping her ears open for trouble and information.

Spock manages to call up to the ship on AM radio; Uhura is a bit baffled about why Spock is on that frequency, but gets them beamed aboard.

The away team is captured again, because Spock believes the mobsters. It is actually fairly hilarious. Kirk finally realizes that to get through to the feuding bosses, he has to pretend that the Federation is there to take over. He calls up to the ship, entirely impersonating a gangster. Scotty, in command, is hovering over Uhura’s station. The Captain is clearly bullshitting something or other, and they know it, but struggle for a minute to work it out. I love their combined looks of dawning realization as they figure out what the Captain wants. I also love how they just … go with it when Kirk is being ridiculous, trusting that there is a reason.

Other than some background, that’s the end of her in this episode. One of the more amusing episodes in general, it’s a fairly typical Uhura-on-the bridge episode.

Episode 2x18-The Immunity Syndrome. A good on-the-bridge episode for Uhura showing just what a professional she is, even when she feels terrible. The exhausted Enterprise is headed for much needed shore leave when Uhura reports they have received a garbled message from Starbase 6; the word ‘Intrepid’ and a coordinate. She attempts to raise the Starbase when Spock reacts in psychic pain; the Vulcan-manned Intrepid has just died. Uhura manages to raise Starbase 6, and the Enterprise is immediately ordered to a new heading on a rescue mission. We cut to a disappointed and weary look on Uhura’s face; she’s too professional to say anything, but there goes shore leave. (I wonder what her plans were? Sorry, Nyota!)

The next scenes are on the bridge; Uhura can’t reach Starfleet through significant and worsening communication distortion. A few minutes later she walks up to Spock and asks what they are looking for. This is a subtle beat, but she is clearly being gentle with him after his experience with the death of the Intrepid. Then some reaction shots from her (including serious pain from a loud nose) as they try to work out the mysteries of dark zone they have encountered in space.

Then Uhura stands and nearly passes out; Spock grabs her before she can fall and gentles her back into her seat. “Just dizzy,” she explains weakly, and tries to pull herself under control, but she clearly feels awful. She isn’t the only one so affected; McCoy calls up that a half of the crew just fainted.

She’s got her head down, trying not to puke or pass out. Kirk walks up behind her and puts a hand on her shoulder. “Lieutenant?” he asks gently, and she pulls herself together and says ‘yes, sir.’ She has a job to do. She sends a transmission to Starfleet that they are going to probe the zone of darkness; she’s still obviously struggling but pushing though. I love how gentle both Kirk and Spock are toward her in this scene. I also love how she grits her way through it, ever the pro.

The horrible, painful noise returns; it’s not coming from communications, Uhura reports, trying her board even when in agony. McCoy and a nurse arrive on the Bridge; in the background the nurse administers a stimulant to Uhura, although it doesn’t help much, and she is still visibly ill.

She is background in the rest of her appearances in this episode, looking concerned, breathing hard, visibly sweating, getting tossed from her seat several times, opening communications and pulling in telemetry and a low-energy message from Spock when he probes the organism with a shuttle.

As they approach the nucleus of the organism with a last-ditch plan to kill it, Kirk records a log leaving commendations for the Bridge officers, including Uhura. Damn right.

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Shadow and Bone 2x01 Review

I have just finished watching ep 1 and overall I think it was a solid episode and a good start to the season. It does a good job of getting you back into the swing of things and refamiliarizing you with the characters. It’s also got some interesting additions to the character list. So here are my thoughts on everything, obviously there are spoilers, there will also be some book spoilers so show only fans tread carefully, I will put a * before and after any book spoilers so you can skip over it if you want. 

Opening Scene

Right from the get go the show sets the tone with the opening titles, the shadows coming and ripping at the sign, it sets a much darker tone for the season. What’s interesting is how that is juxtaposed immediately afterwards with a shot of Alina observing a peaceful town with a smile on her face. However the peaceful image doesn’t last long as a flock of what I think are crows fly over the town. What’s interesting about this is that crows are said to be an omen of death due to how they would flock over battlefields, they are said to flock over places where people are expected to die soon. True to the myth right after these birds fly over,  the fold expands and swallows everything and everyone in its path. What is interesting is in this nightmare that Alina is having once inside the fold she cannot use her powers. I do think this is symbolic of how helpless she feels and how helpless she felt when Aleks expanded the fold into Novokribirsk. She then sees Aleks appear and begin to approach her while calling her name before she wakes up suddenly. *Obviously I do think this nightmare is connected to the mind palace/tether bond and the connection that exists between her and Aleks and she just hasn’t recognised that and thinks they are just dreams.* With her needing Mal to tell her that Aleks is dead repeatedly I do think that deep down she does know that he is still alive and she can feel that pull to him. She does eventually discover that the fold really is growing though and honestly I felt so sorry for her in that scene. The nightmares are scary enough it must have been terrifying to realise that its happening in real life too. It does make me wonder something though, is Aleks deliberately expanding the fold or has it grown out of his control and is just now growing by itself? 

The Crows 

Ok not going to lie I did find it low key hilarious when Jesper makes a joke about them arriving back in Ketterdam and no one was there waiting to kill them, yay, but then two minutes later they are all being held at gun point and wanted for murder. I did really enjoy the crows storyline this episode as it had quite a few call backs to the first ep of season 1 and we see a few characters that we haven’t seen since the beginning of season 1. I must admit I did laugh a bit when Dreesen makes his reappearance and the first word he says in ‘criminals’ I did love that call back. We also saw Pekka Rollins again and it seems he has been busy since the crows left, Tante Helene is apparently dead and the crows are wanted for her murder and Pekka Rollins now owns not just the crow club but the Menagerie as well and so by extension Inej. I did love how the moment Kaz realises that Rollins is a threat to Inej he tries to protect her by getting her out of dodge using the excuse that Alina needs her because he knows that is something Inej feels strongly about and would therefore more likely convince her to go. I also love that Inej doesn’t go for it and instead chooses to stand with Kaz and reassures him that she is not leaving him. I really liked her line about ‘what happens to the saints is fate, but what happens here is up to us’.

Going back to Dreesen, Kaz was back to being Kaz in that scene where Dreesen had him and Jesper captive and he just assesses the room and figures out that Dreesen wasn’t the real boss but Sturmhond was. *Book readers will know that Sturmhond is actually Nikolai Lantsov the prince of Ravka.* One thing I do love about Kaz is how he is able to assess a situation and with some quick thinking turn it in his favour. I also do think its interesting how they linked Sturmhond back to season 1 with having him being the one to hire Dreesen, making him a player the whole time, it is interesting to me that he was looking for Alina since the beginning. 

I haven’t read the six of crows books so the crows are very interesting to me as I know next to nothing about them outside of what we learnt in season 1. So I cannot tell you how shocked I was when its revealed that Jesper is grisha, a durast. The funny thing was when watching season 1 there’s a scene towards the end of the season when Inej talks to Kaz by the fireplace, she opens the conversation by telling him Jesper fixed his cane and I remember thinking how the hell did he do that? I did wonder if he was grisha but then dismissed it and told myself that was just silly and I was looking way too much into it. But then it turned out he actually is grisha and it was so cool to see him use his powers to change the coin into a key, I also love that Kaz just knew all along pretty much. 

Something else that intrigued me was what looked to be flashbacks of Kaz’s past. Honestly those flashbacks have me very worried they don’t look like a barrel of laughs. Also it did seem like they were triggered by touch, like every time that guy accidently brushed against Kaz’s leg he had a very visceral reaction and it almost seemed like it was triggering for him, like he had a near on panic attack. It was hard to make out the flashes because they happened so quickly but one looked like two kids sitting in the rain and the older one was coughing, I’m not sure which one is Kaz but did Kaz have a brother maybe? There was also a shot of Pekka Rollins asking ‘how are you feeling boy?’ there was also a shot of a boy with some kind of sickness like small pox or something and then another shot of that boy lying on what disturbingly looked like a pile of bodies. Now that I think about it the little boy was in more of the shots so it would make sense that he is younger Kaz, so maybe the older boy from the shot of two boys sitting in the rain is Kaz’s older brother? My theory is that Kaz and his brother were homeless and this lead to them getting sick, oh no please tell me Kaz’s brother doesn’t die from this disease? Was the sickness what lead to Kaz’s leg injury? It might explain why it was the touch to his leg that triggered these memories. But also how does Pekka Rollins fit into it all because he was in the flashbacks and it was clear in season 1 that Kaz had some history with Rollins but that Rollins doesn’t remember Kaz. Anyway I am very very worried about learning Kaz’s background because just from these small flashes I feel like I am not emotionally ready for what I am about to see. 

The crows also add a couple of people to their ranks this episode with Nina and Wylan. We also get an explanation as to where Kaz got that phosphorus flash bomb from that he used against Aleks in season 1, turns out it was Wylan who made it for him. Again I like that link back to season 1 and how they are tying these new characters in. I also thought the reaction the crows have to Nina really funny especially as Nina is so surprised they know her name, but again its that tie back to season 1 and the conductor and how that was a link between these characters who kind of have history even though they have never met before. Also as a brit I must admit I did enjoy Wylan’s line of offering everyone tea, the correct action in those circumstances if you ask me, I thoroughly approve. I am curious to see all the new dynamics between the crows and these two new members, it seems like Inej and Nina immediately liked each other and I could see them becoming fast friends. However whilst it seemed like Wylan seemed somewhat in awe of Jesper it didn’t seem like Jesper was all that impressed with Wylan despite wanting a demolitions man. Also have these guys met before because it seems like Wylan knew who Jesper was but Jesper didn’t seem to know Wylan? 

I am not sure how I feel about Kaz giving up Alina to Sturmhond and its clear that Jesper definitely didn’t feel good about it but at the same time Kaz did have a point about how Sturmhond already knew what ship they were on and that he would have been able to deduce where Alina went from there eventually and so they might as well get some of the money back. He did also attempt to send help to Alina later when he suggested Inej go find her, though I do think that was more for Inej’s benefit than Alina’s. I also do think that it was very in character for Kaz, he’s very calculating and at the end of the day he is always going to prioritize his crows over anything else. For him it was all about getting him and Jesper out of that situation and that just ranked higher on his list of priorities than keeping Alina’s confidence.  

Sturmhond, Tamar and Tolya 

Some other new characters we meet in this episode is Sturmhond, Tamar and Tolya. I think all three, despite not having a ton of screen time in this episode, got really good introductions. Tamar and Tolya both look very cool and badass and also very intimidating, they seem like characters I am going to like. I also loved Sturmhond’s introduction, again mentioned it before but I like that they tied his character to the story by making him Dreesen’s boss. I do wonder why he wants Alina, I am assuming as some kind of political chess piece but it seems like at the moment he believes she was working with Aleks, but he also seems really eager to find her. I do think its funny that in the end, after all that time searching for her and hiring Dreesen etc, Alina willingly puts herself on his ship, it reminded me so much of when she climbed into the crows carriage herself, what is it with Alina essentially unwittingly handing herself over to her own would be kidnappers? 

I did think that Sturmhond’s character was very charismatic and entertaining, I loved how he made the distinction that he was in fact a privateer and not a pirate. I am really looking forward to seeing more of these characters as the season goes on. 

Malina 

Ok so fair warning to fans of Malina who may be reading this, you may wish to skip over this part as I don’t talk very favourably about them. I wouldn’t say I hate on them necessarily but I’m sorry I just really don’t find them that interesting.

The thing is I will admit that show malina is alot more tolerable than they were in the books, but the truth is I just find their relationship to be a bit bland. Also I’m sorry but when they were attempting to flirt, god was it just me or was it really cringey, I don’t remember them being this cringey in season 1. The whole conversation about the warming stones for example, just it didn’t seem natural at all it just seemed forced, like hey they are talking about beds tee hee hee. Also not going to lie the mention of warming stones only made me think of darklina and their scene in episode 4 at the fountain when Aleks asks how Alina is adjusting to the LP and she replies she’s never had warming stones in her bed before. So that scene only reminded me that whilst warming stones in his bed might be a new thing for Mal its not new for Alina and for me it just highlights that difference between them and how their experiences don’t match anymore, its not something they will be experiencing together for the the first time. Also side note but did they retcon Mal’s lifelong dreams in this episode? Because I remember Alina saying in season 1 that she always dreamed of travelling but Mal always dreamed of settling on a farm somewhere. But then in this episode whilst talking about how they are now travelling Mal says that when he was in the trenches he used to imagine exploring the world because of Alina’s maps, essentially that he dreams of travelling too. But then Mal doesn’t exactly talk very favourably of their travels so far talking about how they haven’t eaten or slept, so I am getting mixed signals here.

 And then there’s the whole there’s only one bed scenario, that scene just seemed really awkward to me. To be fair to them I think it was supposed to have that awkwardness to it because its the first time they’d be sharing the bed and most scenes in films and tv shows that have that troupe have that slightly awkward feel to them but those scenes also usually have an underlying sexual tension to them and I just didn’t get that in this scene it just felt awkward. 

I don’t think that they have bad chemistry necessarily, I think their chemistry is fine, the problem is its just fine and it doesn’t hold a candle to darklina’s chemistry. Like the kiss scene on the bed, that moment should have been hot and sexy but instead it was kind of meh. Compared to darklina’s desk kiss it was like tepid soup whereas the darklina desk scene sizzled with passion and energy. I think the problem is malina have a very quiet kind of chemistry and if darklina wasn’t in the show then maybe the show could have gotten away with it but darklina do exist and because the chemistry and magnetism is so strong between them it just completely outshines malina. Like there is a moment in one of Alina’s ‘dreams’ where Aleks reaches for her face and she gasps at the contact, that one like millisecond moment had more sexual tension in it than all of malina’s scenes in this episode combined. 

I appreciate that everyone has different perspectives and ships and no disrespect to anyone who does ship malina but they just don’t do it for me, I just find them boring. Maybe they’ll get better as the season goes on, at the very least I hope they dial back on the cringe a bit, in season 1 I did think they were very cheesy, but cheese I could bear cringe on the other hand is a big no, no for me.   

Darklina

So there wasn’t loads of darklina content in this episode but I won’t lie I found the one scene we got really interesting. It was interesting that the space that they meet in during that ‘dream’ scene was the same tent where he put the collar on her. I do think that space has different significance to them both. For Alina its the place where she truly did feel betrayed and wronged by him. Where he took her power. This comes through when Aleks asks what she thinks this is and she says more veiled threats and empty promises. I really do think she is thinking back to the last time they were in that tent together and the threats he made towards mal and the promises he made that they could do anything together. For him I do think this place holds some feelings of regret, its a reminder of how he hurt her. But I think they are both pushing those more complicated feelings aside and are instead hiding behind their anger towards each other. 

I also think their costumes are interesting as they aren’t the same clothes they were wearing when they were last in that tent. Alina is in her blue kefta and her hair is the same as it was when the had that horse riding/fountain scene in ep 4. What’s interesting to me about that possible link back to that scene from episode 4 was it was a scene where they were being very vulnerable and open with each other so its interesting that when Alina appears before him here it is with the same look as that moment they shared previously. It could also be in connection to the fact that she rejects his colours in that episode. They have a conversation in this dream scene where Aleks says she thinks she knows who she is now. So her coming to him in the blue kefta and not a black one could be like an act of defiance on her part to say I am not like you, I am not going to wear your colour. Aleks meanwhile is in the black kefta from season 1 and is scarless, he has come there in his former image the one that doesn’t bear the marks of what happened in the fold in the season 1 finale, in a way its the version of him before he hurt and then lost Alina. 

I really loved their conversation about suffering and sacrifice, I thought it was very intriguing and raised alot of interesting questions. The whole you think you know yourself because you have suffered for a moment I do think is almost his way of warning her but it also pulls into focus that difference between Alina’s experience and Aleks’, yes Alina has suffered but so too has Aleks, only Alek’s suffering has spanned across hundreds of years. I also think he makes a good point that she won’t know the depths of her soul until that suffering becomes sacrifice. I do think Alina was being a little naive when she asked Aleks what he has sacrificed other than innocent lives. Don’t get me wrong its a good question one that does make you stop and consider what it is that Aleks has sacrificed. Luda, countless soldiers and friends, his freedom, his name, his pride, alina. But what I think is naive on Alina’s part is this believe she seems to have that you can win a war or a revolution without sacrificing innocent lives. It again highlights that difference in experience between the two, Aleks learned this lesson a long time ago, that sometimes you have to make the hard choices and that sometimes the cost of that is innocent lives. Alina has yet to realise that but the fact that they are having this conversation now tells me that at some point in this season, during her journey of becoming a leader she is going to learn this lesson. The most tragic part of war is the innocent lives that are lost, but sometimes to achieve the greater good you have to make sacrifices. 

I do think the fact that when Aleks asks are you willing to sacrifice that which is most precious to you and he reaches for her face it’s supposed to indicate that he himself did sacrifice what was most precious to him and that happened to be her. He did look somewhat meditative in that moment. I did think Alina’s reaction to him touching her was very interesting as she gasps as if she felt this surge of energy from him. I am very intrigued to see more of these dream like scenes between them. 

Grisha

I did like that we got to see Grisha from another country in this episode and to have that as a comparison of what life is like for the Ravkan grisha compared to other places in the world. Alina meeting the durast grisha in Noyvi Zem was a good example of how different life is for grisha in Noyvi Zem, there grisha all have one name which translates as ‘blessed’. I think this was a good interaction for Alina, to see someone viewing grisha powers as a blessing as again its a link back to season 1 when Alina very much saw it as a curse as opposed to a gift. But I also think it was important that the grisha voiced pity for the ravkan grisha because I think Alina has had a warped idea of the Grisha in Ravka, that they are privileged and like they don’t suffer. I am hoping that by seeing the way grisha are treated in other places around the world and seeing people have that pity for Ravka’s grisha it will help her realise that is not the case and it never has been.      

Speaking of Ravka’s grisha they are in a bit of a sorry state at the moment. The first army literally have them locked up in cages. There was that scene where the first army officer was making a speech and he talks about how they have sacrificed for the grisha and fought for the grisha. Here’s what bugs me about this whole speech, yeah sure maybe some of that is true but lets be real they were mostly fighting for themselves and on top of that the grisha have also fought, died and crossed the fold in aid of the first army so it was a two way street. Also what they are planning to do to these grisha is pretty messed up they have them locked in cages and the plan was just to leave them there in the path of the expanding fold as some kind of human sacrifice to the fold and its volcra. 

Honestly it might be mean of me, call me a terrible person, but I had very little sympathy for the first army soldiers when Aleks killed them. Yes I get the whole they were acting out of fear and desperation and I get that those can be powerful and corruptive forces but you still choose what you do with your fear, how you react to it and these first army soldiers decided to imprison and ultimately kill innocent grisha. Also if you are going to use the whole but they are being driven by their fear and desperation excuse for the first army’s actions then why can’t that also be used for Aleks because lets be real he is also acting out of fear and desperation, fear that his people will always be hunted and desperation to find them a safe place. 

I think this really shows when he says ‘so this again, locking us up in cages? I shall have to overthrow the king now.’ He has once again found himself back in the same situation he was in when Anastas was King and honestly I can understand his anger, it must be really hard to see this happen to his people again and his reaction to this being I must wipe out the first army and the King makes perfect sense for his character as last time it was the first army and the king that made his people suffer so horrifically, it makes sense that he would want to remove them from the chess board, so to speak, before they can imprison and kill too many of his grisha, I think this view is only made stronger because he took the more peaceful route in the past and not only did it not work but it cost him dearly, it again comes back to that idea of sacrifice and how much you are willing to risk and ultimately lose to achieve your goal, what lines are you willing to cross? Also I know I am being petty here and this is most likely influenced by the book reader side of me but I do think its funny how the first scene we see of Alina is her essentially running away and hiding, though to be fair they have made an improvement in the show by having her looking for the sea whip, especially as it does give her that agency she lacked in the books. The first time we see Aleks (outside of the dreamscape) its him saving grisha yet somehow Alina is the heroine and Aleks is the villain? Like I fully support Aleks killing those first army men as they were only going to do the same to the grisha, although I will admit he was a tad bit dramatic when he threw that head out of the fold. 

I do also want to talk about the nichevo’ya because omg do they look amazing. I love the aesthetic of them and the way that they move and the sound of them. I mean they really are very terrifying. Like 100% if I saw one of those things coming at me I would be running in the opposite direction.

Ok I think that is everything, I have come to the realisation that posting these reviews between episodes is going to make getting through the season a little longer but the bright side is taking the time to write the review lets me really mull over the episode and think about what I have watched. 

Bonus: Favourite Lines of the Episode 

‘Let’s all go back to Ketterdam. It’ll be fun. They said.’ 

‘He’s a very rich pirate.’ ‘Privateer actually. It’s an important distinction.’ 

‘You won’t truly understand the depths of your soul until that suffering leads you to sacrifice.’ 

‘I’m not leaving you, not now. What happens to saints is up to fate. What happens here is up to us.’ 

[papermoonloveslucy]

LUCY’S THIN BLUE LINE

Lucy and Law Enforcement ~ Part 2

On “The Lucy Show,” Lucy Carmichael not only had multiple run-ins with the police - she actually became one for a couple of episodes!  Here’s a look at Carmichael and Cops! 

“Lucy and Viv Become Tycoons” (1963) ~ When Lucy and Viv open their own business at home, they are visited by Sergeant Robbins (Bern Hoffman) to check on their permits and operating practices. In 1960, Hoddman appeared in the Lucille Ball / Bob Hope film The Facts of Life.

“Lucy Drives a Dump Truck” (1963) ~ Driving a truck to a nearby town, Lucy and Viv are pulled over by a Brewster policeman played by Richard Reeves, a veteran of nine episodes of “I Love Lucy” including playing a policeman in “Equal Rights” (1953). This is his only appearance on “The Lucy Show.”  

“Lucy and the Safe Cracker” (1963) ~ When Mr. Mooney gets locked in the safe (again), Lucy contacts a safe cracker (Jay Novello) and Sergeant Wilcox (James Flavin) is on the scene. Coincidentally, Flavin played the Immigration Officer searching for Mario Orsatti (Jay Novello) in  “Visitor from Italy” (1956). He will return to “The Lucy Show” two episodes later to play Sgt. Wilcox again in another bank-themed episode. He appeared in four films with Lucille Ball, including playing a police sergeant in Without Love (1945). During his long career he played so many officers of the law that his IMDB photo is of him in a police uniform!  

“Lucy and the Bank Scandal” (1963) ~ Sergeant Wilcox (James Flavin) investigates a case of embezzelment at the Danfield Bank. Lucy suspects Mr. Mooney and digs up his yard to find the stolen cash. 

“Lucy is Her Own Lawyer” (1964) ~ Officer Joe (Joe Mell) the Baliff, swears in Lucy Carmichael as well as Mr. Mooney and Nelson the dog! Mell returns as a Baliff in “Lucy the Meter Maid” (1964) and a Bank Guard in “Lucy the Stockholder” (1965). 

“Lucy the Meter Maid” (1964) ~ Lucy joins the Danfield Police Force as meter maid. When Viv doesn’t feed the meter, Lucy issues her a summons and they land up in court. Once again, Joe Mell plays the Baliff. 

“Lucy Makes a Pinch” (1964) ~ Still on the Force, Lucy is recruited to be part of a stake out. The episode features three of Danfield’s finest (left to right): Murdock (Jack Searl), Captain Bradford (Alan Carney), and Detective Bill Baker (Jack Kelly).  As a child actor, Jack Searl was featured in the 1932 film Officer Thirteen, about motorcyle cops. Alan Carney played a policeman in the 1963 comedy classic It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. In 1955, Jack Kelly appeared on a TV series titled “City Detective.” 

“Lucy the Coin Collector” (1964) ~ When Lucy drops a rare coin down the sewar grate, she is consoled by a cop on the beat (Ray Kellogg).  his is the second of his seven episodes of “The Lucy Show.” He also did two episodes of “Here’s Lucy.” Just as in his other screen credits, most most times he played policemen, as he does here.  

“Lucy and the Ceramic Cat” (1965) ~ While Lucy breaks into Bigelow’s Department Store, Viv stands guard, diverting the cop on the beat (John J. ‘Red’ Fox). Fox was best known for playing policemen, which is what he did on five of his eight appearances on “The Lucy Show” as well as three of his five episodes of “Here’s Lucy.”

“Lucy, the Stockholder” (1965) ~ After buying a single share of the Danfield Bank for $32, Lucy the stockholder pays the bank a visit. She warns the lackadaisical guard (Joe Mell) that she has a nine year-old nephew who is quicker on the draw than him.

“Lucy and the Undercover Agent” (1965) ~ Trying to get access to performer Carol Channing, Lucy charms Military Police (MP) officer Sol Schwartz. The character name was specifically chosen so Lucy can sing “Hello, Solly” to the tune of “Hello, Dolly”. 

“Salute to Stan Laurel” (1965) ~ In a special tributing the late comedian, Lucille Ball is part of a silent movie sketch featuring Buster Keaton and Harvey Korman as a policeman in the park. 

“Lucy Meets Mickey Rooney” (1965) ~ A silent movie sketch based on Charlie Chaplin’s The Kid features the Keystone Kops (Sid Gould, above). Keystone Kops are fictional, humorously incompetent policemen featured in silent film slapstick comedies produced by Mack Sennett for his Keystone Film Company between 1912 and 1917.

“Lucy Goes to a Hollywood Premiere” (1966) ~ Mr. Mooney is questioned by Officer Collins (Robert Foulk) of the Beverly Hills Police Department. He doesn’t have a permit to sell maps to the movie stars’ homes and is hauled down to the police station. Foulk played the Brooklyn policeman on the subway platform in “Lucy and the Loving Cup” (1956). He will go on to play six characters on “Here’s Lucy,” two of them policemen. 

“Lucy the Gun Moll” (1966) ~ Robert Stack plays Federal Agent Briggs in this satire on Desilu’s “The Untouchables.” Stack played G-Man Eliot Ness on the series and only agreed to the satire if the names were changed. 

“Lucy and the Submarine” (1966) ~ Whe Lucy sneaks onto a submarine, she must get by a stoic Navy Shore Patrolman (SP) played by Steven Marlo. Marlo makes the first of his two appearances on “The Lucy Show.” 

“Lucy and the Ring-a-Ding Ring” (1966) ~ Ray Kellogg plays the cop on the beat who discovers Mr. Mooney trying to get a nearly unconscious Lucy into his car because she has his wife’s ring stuck on her finger. 

“Viv Visits Lucy” (1967) ~ To find a wayward Danfield boy, Lucy and Viv go to the Sunset Strip, where they are mistaken for hippie biker chicks by the police. Ray Kellogg plays the Motorcycle Officer (right) and John J. 'Red’ Fox plays Patrolman Harry McLeod (left). 

“Lucy Puts Main Street on the Map” (1967) ~ Mel Torme is Mel Tinker, the deputy and Roy Barcroft plays his father, Police Chief Tinker, the law enforcement team in small town Bancroft. During his long career on screen, Barcroft played a sheriff 18 times between 1943 and 1966, including in Billy the Kid Versus Dracula (1966). 

“Lucy Meets the Law” (1967) ~ Lucy thinks she’s being arrested for littering when she is actually being mistaken for a red-haired jewel thief. Claude Akins (Lieutenant Finch) is perhaps best remembered for playing Sheriff Lobo in “B.J. And the Bear” (1978-79) and its sequel “The Misadventures of Sheriff Lobo” (1979-81).

Jody Gilbert plays the jail matron aka ‘Tinkerbell’. Gilbert will also appear in two episodes of “Here’s Lucy,” in one of which she also plays a prison matron.

Ken Lynch (Officer Peters, left) started playing policemen on TV in 1950 and continued to do so for much of his career. Joseph Perry (Officer Miller, right) started his screen acting career in 1956. Perry played a policeman on “My Living Doll” (1965) filmed at Desilu. He appeared on the police-themed shows “Policewoman,” “Police Story,” “Barney Miller,” “Hill Street Blues,” “CHiPs,” “The Rookies” “The Mod Squad,” “87th Precinct,” “The FBI,” “The Rookies,” and “The Sheriff of Cochise” a Desilu Production. 

“Lucy Sues Mooney” (1967) ~ Irwin Charone (Bailiff) makes the third of his five appearances on “The Lucy Show.”

Two uncredited background actors play Officers of the Court. 

“Lucy and the Stolen Stole” (1968) ~ Lucy and Mr. Mooney go shopping for Mrs. Mooney's birthday and wind up being arrested for possession of a stolen fur stole. The boys in blue are played by Ray Kellogg, Roy Shapiro, and John J. 'Red' Fox as Officer Shapiro.

“Lucy Gets Involved” (1968) ~ At Phil’s Fat Boy Burgers, a policeman (John J. 'Red' Fox) interrogates motorcyclist Tommy Watkins (Phil Vandervoort) with Mr. Burton (Jackie Coogan) overhearing. 

“Lucy and Sid Caesar” (1968) ~  A forger who looks like Sid Caesar is passing bad checks at the bank.  Lucy and Mr. Mooney try to figure out how to tell the real Sid Caesar from the forger.  They enlist the help of the authorities (left to right): Irwin Charrone, John J. ‘Red’ Fox, and Ben Gage.  Gage was mentioned on “I Love Lucy” in 1955. He appeared on “Our Miss Brooks” (filmed at Desilu Studios) and in Desilu’s “Star Trek.”  His last two screen appearances were in “Policewoman” and “Police Story.” 

[novellagg]

The Neouivela Variety Show (2022 - PRESENT)

[▶] ep. 1 - 2 ── Storybook High

Each member was given a role to act out:

The episode begins with a skit of each member entering the classroom:

Aina is reading a book alone in an empty classroom with the lights turned off.

Next, Sujin is shown skipping to class while humming to herself, “I can't wait to see my new class, I wonder who I'll meet!” She opens the door and turns on the lights. Upon noticing Aina she jumps from shock. “Oh! Uh.. excuse me? Who are you?”

Aina eagerly jumps up from her seat and bows deeply. She accidentally slams her head on the desk which causes the whole set to burst out laughing. The scene replays at least 3 times before cutting away.

“Hello! I'm Hiramatsu Aina! Nice to meet you!”

“Oh… ok? I'm Sujin.” Sujin offers her a polite smile, albeit a bit awkwardly, while walking to her seat.

The first bell rings a moment later, indicating that class is about to start. The remaining members (bar Haeun and Dambi) all file into class, taking their respective seats.

As each member introduces themselves in character, cute, school-themed name cards pop up with their character traits and names.

Aecha arrives right as the second bell rings. She introduces herself as well and announces that today there will be competition for the title of class representative.

(Eunjeong: “I don't really want to be a class rep though?”)

Right after Aecha finishes explaining, Haeun waltzes into class while eating a baguette.

“What time do you think this is?” Aecha crosses her arms in faux anger.

Haeun seems unbothered. “I was hungry.”

Dambi closely follows behind, blazer slung over her shoulder, offering a simple nod as a greeting.

The games are as follows:

Math Class - sneaky eating challenge. The members must try to finish a Korean lunchbox while trying not to get caught by the teacher. The last one standing gets 5 points, the first to lose gets 0.

Aecha suddenly spins around from the chalkboard. “Hey! Min Sujin! Are you eating?”

Sujin sighs and slams her food on the table. “And what?”

“That’s not very in character??”

Social Studies Class - random team debates on unserious topics such as; one butt or two butts?; is a hotdog a sandwich?; and more. The teams were chosen randomly before each round, courtesy of rps. Aecha judges which team provides the most compelling argument. One point is given to each member on the winning team.

“Those who don't like mint chocolate should just die.” Aina seems to be the only one upset by her team losing the debate.

“That's not how this game works.”

Music Class - finish the lyrics. The girls are lined up at the back of the class and must run forward to the microphone to finish the lyrics. One point is given for both the song name and lyrics correctly guessed. Those who guess incorrectly are blasted with wind.

“Seriously, why do K-Pop idols use so much English nowadays, it's K-Pop, K-pop.” Eunjeong huffs.

“Don't be mad just because you didn't study hard enough.” Dambi teases.

Oh yeah, Dambi wins, which is kinda out of character as the delinquent.

"Uhh... I bet you weren't expecting this."

[▶] ep 13 - 14 ── Storybook Mafia

This time the episodes are set in an ‘abandoned’ shipping container warehouse.

The gift for the winning team was only a 30,000 won gift card but they took this game way too seriously.

Aecha, who is for some reason taking the mafia boss role, finally speaks up. “Those in favour of killing Nari?” Everyone raises their hands. “Ok-”

Nari lets out a guttural scream while falling to her knees.

Also, Aina was the game master and described each night sequence like it was a Shakespearean play.

“It was a dark and stormy night, Eunjeong strayed down a narrow alleyway, unsuspecting of the danger awaiting her further down the path-” She acts out each word with large and dramatic movements.

Sujin cuts her off, “Who died?”

Aina stares at her, offended. “…Excuse me?”

The mafias won (it was Nari and Dambi btw) and Haeun was in an uproar.

Haeun leaps up from her chair once the mafias are revealed. “Didn’t I tell you?! This team is useless!! I knew it was her from the beginning but you voted ME?! Why!?”

The civilian team was too stunned to speak.

[▶] ep 21-23 ── Storybook Haunted House

Half of these episodes were bleeped out because they kept swearing, and Eunjeong's idol image went to a place of no return, but! These are probably some of the best of the series.

So good, in fact, that it has become a recurring Halloween special on the show. Last year we also got 'Storybook Haunted Hospital'.

The girls- who had been locked inside of a haunted mansion- had to look for clues hidden in the house to find keys to unlock the hundreds there were like 10 of locks that hung on the big gate at the entrance.

However, along the way, there were actors cosplaying as ghosts that would chase and jump scare them. People who got tagged by the actors would have to be saved by other members, which caused many arguments.

“Unnie! If you keep getting caught I'm gonna just leave you there!” Aecha yelled while trying to fend off a bloody ghost.

There were also puzzles they had to solve but nvla collectively has one brain cell so Sujin was literally carrying.

“No, it should be the fourth box because two plus one is four.”

“…Are you stupid?”

[▶] ep 40-42 ── SBBG (Storybook Battlegrounds)

In this episode, the girls played irl PUBG (aka they shot each other with airsoft guns).

They were split into two teams, Team A (Aecha, Haeun, Dambi) and Team S (Sujin, Eunjeong, Nari, Aina).

“OK! Since we're the first team we'll be team A.” Haeun and her teammates laugh brightly at the other team's disgruntled looks.

“Then we'll be team S.” Nari cuts in sharply with a smug tone of voice.

The Velas are super competitive, even when there isn't a prize involved. Now hand them a bunch of guns and...

“Just run in and kill them all!”

a chorus of cheers erupts from the Team S base

Literally, none of the teams came up with a game plan, so it was pretty much just a messy free-for-all with everyone running around like headless chickens.

Team A won! And they did not hesitate to rub it in (especially to Nari, who is known to brag about her video game prowess).

“She plays Valorant all night and she can't even get a few points.”

“Platinum who? She must be hacking.”

A/N: I've been holding onto this since *checks notes* '0' October?!?! and I'm sick of looking at it so here

[vewormeet]

Monster girl island halloween demo

Monster girl island halloween demo how to#

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Monster girl island halloween demo professional#

I know I don't make public posts often and there hasn't been a public demo since the fist one, but honestly at this point I don't care if people think I'm dead. I'm not a huge fan of that kind of content in porn games, the idea has been since the very start to make a 3D dating sim/VN with some freedom. You will never get me to work with other people on the game if it's not in a physical studio.Ībout gameplay, if you mean something like a combat system that was never the plan. I'm not hiring artists/animators because.

Monster girl island halloween demo code#

The code of the game is already finished.

Monster girl island halloween demo professional#

I usually don't like playing with game music, and if there's gonna be voice acting and it's in English, I'm going to want to turn that down too because I'm a weeaboo degenerate.Ĭlick to expand.The current plan includes a music person (already working on the game) Voice actresses (Gonna need 21 of them) and hopefully an animated opening by a professional team. Whenever you add music, sound fx, and voice acting, please let us turn down things if we want. I'd want to see "Sunshard Forest" on the map after I learn that it exists in the game and I've spent time there, such as after the whole episode with the Kitsune Sisters.Ħ. I don't wanna open the map on Day 1 and see "Sunshard Forest" or w/e it was called because that kind of kills the fun for me. I imagine Ophelia would maybe put something in your phone that creates a map of the island as you explore it. A map, but not one that just shows everything right from the start. (This is kinda jokingly, as I assume you already have something else planned given what she said and the tooltip on the Red Mushrooms)ĥ. Let me play with Faranne after the Mushroom scene. I only found out later when I was exploring on my own, and saw them standing next to each other upstairs, that you had to talk to the other sister to sell.

Monster girl island halloween demo how to#

I was actually getting frustrated because I couldn't figure out how to sell things. Please put the sisters in the same spot for their shops. I'd also love it if items stacked, so it would say I had Log x5 instead of each log taking up an inventory spot, but I can also see why you wouldn't want it that way.ģ. I'd love if it time stopped while I had the inventory open. There's a certain bit added to the immersion when there isn't a targeting crosshair, but I think the functionality of the reticle would help save my sanity when trying to hit bugs.Ģ. It's not really needed, but it would help. A target reticle when using the crossbow. He's not even trolling correctly, he said the game is "years" old.He didn't even do a slight bit of research to troll the right way.I'd suggest you ignore people like that.Things I'd love to see implemented in the future:ġ. Prologue was finished this year, I don't know what fever dream you had to think you played it years ago.Īnd I could easily start a sequel after the game is released if I wanted to, your argument is moronic. I mean the prologue is what 2 or is 3 years old? With what this has made it should have like 3 titles out by now and it doesn't even have an EA working title just a demo, and several demos of H scenes he puts out once a year or so to keep the money flowing. I supported it ages ago and after 2 years with nothing but more sub bait I gave up. He hides donation numbers but I saw it years ago befoe it was removed taking tens of thousand a month and this is YEARS old. This game makes more money unfinished a month then it would if it finished and sold for 200 a pop on steam. Originally posted by Zalzany:The official is when the money stops comming in.

[moon-light-jukebox]

Don’t Go - [Reid x Reader]

masterlist

Summary: After being tortured by Tobias Hankel, Dr. Spencer Reid is struggling and everyone can see it. Reader can’t bear his pain and tries to comfort him...only to be heartbroken when he says their night meant nothing.  

Pairing: Spencer Reid / Fem!Reader

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 10.6k

Genre: Angst. Angst. Angst. But fluff at the end cause I’m not a monster. 

Content Warning: Talk of drug use, language, penetrative sex, oral sex (female receiving), and just angst. All the angst. Get tissue. 

A/n: This is set over the arc of episodes  2x16 - 2x18. A special thank you to @imjusthereformggcontent and @catsadams for reading through the beginning of this in its first form. You’re both angels.  I hope this is everything y’all wanted it to be, my doves. Thank you for sticking with me. 

Request prompt: Can you write a fic where Spencer is high on dilaudid and tells you that your night together was nothing and that you're nothing to him. Then the next day he can't rember telling you and and he can't figure out why you are avoiding him.

-- Don’t Go -- 

The first indication I got that today wasn’t going to be normal came when Special Agent Grant Anderson shuffled into my office just after 9:30 am. He didn’t knock before he entered and then shut the door quickly behind him.

I glanced up from the paperwork in front of me, my eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. “Something on your mind, Special Agent?” I teased.

Ever since Anderson made a mistake that led to SSA Elle Greenaway being shot a few months ago, a lot of people on this floor had been giving him the cold shoulder, despite the fact that Greenaway had forgiven him before she left the BAU.

When I first joined the bureau and was assigned to this unit, Anderson had been my first friend. He was there for me when I felt nervous and like I was a complete imposter. He’s the reason I was still a member of this team; I’d never turn my back on him.

“Something’s up with Reid.”

I propped both of my elbows on the desk, my chin resting on my folded hands. “Well, he was just abducted and tortured. That’s gonna have an effect on someone.”

Anderson was already shaking his head before I got done speaking. “This is different. I just tried to talk to him while he was getting some coffee. I asked him about David Tennant taking over as The Doctor and he…he snapped at me, y/l/n.”

Okay, that’s odd. “Maybe he just didn’t feel like talking,” I defended. “He was tortured, Grant.”

“I’ve known him since I started here. He’s…something is wrong.”

I leaned back, crossing my arms over my chest. “It can’t be anything too bad. I mean, he’s surrounded by profilers. His mentor is Jason Gideon for god’s sake. If something was wrong, they’d know.”

Anderson walked forward and braced his palms on my desk, his eyes boring into mine.

“Dr. Spencer Reid is also one of the best profilers in the world. I’m telling you, y/n, something is wrong.”

I conceded with a sigh. “What do we do?”

“I think you should talk to him.”

My spine stiffened. “Me? Why?” But I knew why.

Anderson scoffed. “You know how he looks at you. And I know how you look at him.”

Dr. Spencer Reid’s nervousness around me could have been blamed on many things, Anderson insisted it meant he liked me. I wasn’t convinced…because I saw how he looked at JJ.

How I looked at Reid was obvious. He was the most brilliant man I had ever met, he was kind, sweet, and his eyes sparkled when he talked about something he loved. My heart fluttered when he realized he was rambling and he blushed, and my day was made whenever he would seek me out to talk to me.

I had a crush on Spencer Reid.

“Alright,” I said. “I’ll talk to him.”

He shot me a relieved smile and backed away from the desk. “Sooner than later, please.”

Such a sassy bitch, I thought as he shut the door.

--

It was well after 6 pm when I gathered my things to leave the office that day. I had been hired as one of the many, many agents that worked under JJ. Media liaison wasn't her only role; she also fielded hundreds of requests for FBI assistance every week. It was my job to go through those requests, make initial judgments, and then send out responses.

I had always been happier working behind the scenes, so a job filled with paperwork suited me just fine. All I wanted to do was help catch bad guys, and with the BAU I felt like I was making a difference.

Speaking to Reid had been on my mind all day, but I had expected that I'd have the night to think up a plan of attack then talk to him first thing in the morning, but when I walked past the bullpen I saw him at his desk.

The entire floor appeared to be empty apart from him. His shoulders were hunched, his head resting in his hands.

I was opening the doors before I realized what was happening. I had crossed the distance until I was standing in front of him before I even knew what I was going to say.

“Reid,” I said softly. I almost touched him, but I didn’t think he’d like that. He didn’t seem to like to be touched.

His head snapped up; the circles under his eyes were darker than normal, his hair was messier than usual, and his clothing was in disarray. He cleared his throat, his tongue running over his dry lips.

He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to.

"I can't imagine what you're going through," I began, standing at the end of his desk. "I don't even know how to begin to think about it. So, I won't ask you to talk about it. I won't ask you to talk at all. I just…I just want you to know that I'm here if you just want a friend. If you want to grab some coffee and talk about nothing…whatever."

Those warm brown eyes were duller than I’d ever seen them, but they ran over my entire body quizzically, like he wasn’t sure I was even there.

After a beat, I decided it was best to leave him to it. I couldn't force him to accept my offer…not that I would force him even if I could. "Goodnight, Reid."

I turned and made my way back to the double glass doors of the bullpen. I hadn’t heard him move, so I was completely thrown off guard when his hand wrapped around my wrist. My eyes looked up to meet his, confusion plain on my face.

His eyes weren't dull anymore, they were shimmering but not in any way I ever wanted to see. He swiped at his cheek angrily when the first tear fell. "Don't go," he rasped.

I won’t.  

--

We didn’t speak as we took the elevator down to the lobby. It was only when we reached the front doors of the building that I spoke. “Where do you want to go?”

He scratched at his forearm, his eyes moving over the room behind us like he was expecting someone to run out from any direction. I wasn't a profiler, but I recognized hypervigilance when I saw it.

“I don’t know. Not here.”

I nodded. “Alright. Do you want to go…get food? Coffee?” He shook his head, his hands now picking at the threads of the cardigan he wore. “We could go for a walk?”

“I…” He cleared his throat, his eyes rising to meet mine. “I don’t want to be around a lot of people right now.”

“Okay, we can-“

“But,” he interrupted. “I…I’m afraid to be alone, y/n. I’m…I’m so fucking afraid.”

I reached for him only to still my hand at the last second, millimeters away from touching him. “I won’t leave you alone, Reid.” My teeth dug into my lower lip as I thought. “We could go to your apartment. Or mine.” I quickly added when I saw how his eyes widened at the mention of his place.

“I…I don’t want to go home.” He licked his lips again, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

“Then you don’t have to go home right now. We’ll go to my place. We can order dinner, watch a movie, or we can do nothing. It’s up to you.”

The look of relief on his face, combined with the smile he sent me warmed up a part of my heart I didn’t even know was cold.

--

The ride to my apartment was mostly silent; I had turned the radio on for background noise. Spencer’s eyes kept staring out of my passenger side window while his hands twisted in his lap.

He followed behind me quietly when we entered my building, then took the elevator up to my apartment. Spencer’s eyes glided over my apartment, taking in the photos of my friends and family on the walls, the throw pillows on my couch, and the titles on my bookshelf.

I went into the kitchen to get us both a bottle of water only to find him standing in the same spot when I returned.

“Are you hungry?”

He shook his head.

“Okay, do you want to sit down?”

He nodded, following me over to my couch. I curled my feet up under myself, my hands folded in my lap. “Spencer…I know I said you don’t have to talk, and you don’t. But…I want to help. I just…I want to do anything I can to help you.” I let out a breath, embarrassed that my voice was already thick with tears. “If that means sitting here beside you and just staring at the wall that’s fine. I…I just want to help.”

Reid’s head swiveled over to face me, those beautiful brown eyes were frightened. “Tobias…he…he hurt me. And I can still feel it,” he whispered, his voice raw even in that hushed volume. “It’s all I feel. I just…I don’t want to hurt anymore, y/n. I can’t stand it.”

I couldn’t stop myself from rising up on my knees and moving towards him. “Can I hug you? Is that okay?”

The words weren’t out of my mouth before he wrapped his arms around my middle, laying his head against my chest. When the first sob wracked through his body, I felt something inside of me crack. The second sob triggered my own.

I didn't know what had happened to him, and if I did know, I don't think I would ever truly understand. But the agony he was in affected me more than any pain I had ever felt myself.

My fingers ran through his hair, tugging at the soft tangles. His hair is curly, I thought absentmindedly. He always wore it slicked down…but it was curly.

Spencer finally quieted after a few moments, his sobs turning into sniffles. “Thank you.”

I gave a broken chuckle. “Don’t thank me for caring about you, Spencer.”

He pulled his head back to look at me, his eyes moving over my cheeks. “You cried for me.”

I nodded.

“Why?”

The question was so unexpected that I wasn’t prepared to do anything but tell the truth. “It hurts me to see you hurt.”

Spencer looked at me for a moment longer, absorbing my words before his palm came up and cupped my jaw, his thumb wiping my left-over tears away. He gentled pulled my head down until my lips pressed against his. Our first kiss was tender, his lips were slightly chapped but still unbelievably soft. Something about this kiss broke my heart more than his tears did.

My hands had come up to cup his face, my actions a mirror of his own. “I…I don’t want to take advantage of you, Spencer,” I mumbled out when we had pulled apart.

He chuckled softly. “You’re worried about that?” His mood became somber when I nodded. “Y/n…you know how I look at you. Everyone does. I don’t…I don’t want this if you don’t. I don’t want you to do this out of pity-“

“Spencer,” I gasped. “I would never…I’d never touch you out of pity. I-I want to touch you. I have for a long time.”

you. I have for a long time.”

Tears started to shine in his eyes again at my words. “Then please touch me, y/n. I don’t want to feel this pain anymore. I just…I just want to feel how I feel when you hold me. It-It doesn’t hurt when you touch me.”

Our lips came together the second time in understanding and hope. My mouth brushed against his with a promise that I was touching him because I wanted to. He sucked my bottom lip into his mouth, his teeth nibbling on it while his hands wove into my hair.

I moved to straddle his lap, my knees on either side of him, while my hands started working on the buttons of his shirt.

Spencer’s tongue ghosted against my lips; the groan he gave when I immediately let him inside made my core throb.

He froze when I started to push his shirt off his shoulders. “What is it?”

“It’s…I don’t want you to see…what he did to me. Please?”

I moved off of him quickly, extending my hand to pull him from the couch. I led him down the hall to my bedroom, not turning on the overhead light when we entered; the only source of light was a sliver of moonlight through the curtains.

“You don’t have to show me anything you don’t want to,” I whispered. “Do you…”

His lips crushed against mine, his hands grabbing my hips to pull me against his body. Those long fingers started working my shirt up my body, breaking away momentarily to pull it over my head.

Once my pants were down my thighs, he pushed me back onto the bed. He had removed his cardigan but left his button-up shirt on. I reached behind myself to unhook my bra, feeling a sudden nervousness rise up in my chest.

His fingers were warm when they brushed over my collarbones, drifting down over my breasts. “You’re beautiful,” he murmured.

I pulled him on top of me when I leaned back on the bed, our lips meeting in a heated frenzy. He palmed my breast, his thumb brushing over my nipple, causing me to arch up against him.

Spencer’s lips moved down until he was mouthing my neck, his teeth nipping at the skin, all the while his hand ghosted down my body until his fingers hooked on the top of my panties.

His head lifted, his eyes searching mine. “Can I touch you?”

I nodded, my hand moving atop his, guiding him inside my panties; I couldn’t control my gasp when his fingers parted my folds to brush against me.

My hands went to his belt. “I-is this okay?”

He nodded, his mouth coming down to cover the tip of my breast, his tongue teasing my nipple to a point. Those long fingers gathered wetness from my opening to bring it up to circle my clit. Ever the scientist, Spencer paid attention to every reaction I had, he wanted to learn how to touch me.

When his middle and ring finger entered me, his palm grinding against my clit, I finally got his pants open. My hand snacked inside to palm his cock, pulling a grown from him.

“Can I push these down a bit?”

“Please,” he breathed, his lips coming over mine.

His pants were down to his mid-thighs before I wrapped my hand around him. He was bigger than I expected, not overly thick, but longer than anyone I had been with before.

“Y/n,” he whimpered against my lips, his fingers speeding up inside of me.

I gave a few pumps, my movements uncoordinated. “I want to feel you inside me, Spence. Please?”

Reid groaned, removing his fingers from my heat. “Do you have a condom?”

I turned to my bedside table, fumbling in the darkness. When I turned back to face him, I saw two of his fingers in his mouth. The same two fingers that had just been inside of me.

“Jesus,” I breathed out, finding the sight of him sucking my arousal off his fingers incredibly erotic.

He took the condom from me, his lips quirking up in a smile. "I've…I've never done that before." His eyes moved down to my still covered pussy. "I want to…but I-I don't want this time to be worse for you than it has to be," he said with a self-deprecating chuckle.

"Hey," I muttered, my hands cupping that well-defined jaw. "This isn't going to be bad for me, Spencer. Just being with you is wonderful."

My words felt heavy in the air. Because they were true.

Spencer swallowed thickly, rolling the condom down over his length. I tugged my panties off, leaving me totally bare to him, while he still had most of his clothing on.

Even with that weird detail, this was still wonderful; being with Spencer like this was…everything.

I gripped him, lining him up at my entrance. His forehead dropped against mine when he started to push inside of me.

“Spence,” I breathed, my hands clutching at his hips.

“Are you okay?” he panted.

“Better than okay. You feel so good.”

He huffed out a laugh. “I don’t think anything could feel better than…fuck.” His slim hips pressed against mine when he was fully sheathed inside of me.

I felt my pussy flutter at his words. I’d never heard Spencer curse like that before.

We started a steady pace; his thrusts were even, and my hips rose to meet them. His arms were braced on either side of my head, his lips brushing against mine while he fucked me.

Calling it fucking seemed wrong. It was so much more.

“Y/n,” he groaned. “I’m close.”

My hand squeezed down between our bodies to rub my clit. “Hold on. I’m almost there.” I whined out.

His moan seemed to tingle across my skin when he dropped his head against my shoulder. “I want to feel you cum, baby.”

I whimpered at his words. “Spencer, harder. I need it harder.”

His hips snapped against mine as he slammed into me, I felt his teeth on the tender skin where my neck and shoulder met for a second before he bit down.

The mix of pain with pleasure sent me over the edge. My pussy clamped down on him as I found my own orgasm, pulling him over the edge with me.

My fingers ran over his back, scratching at the material of his shirt. I breathed his name out over and over while I floated back down from my high.

I felt his tongue soothe over the bite mark he had just given me as he gave a few more jerks inside of me before pulling out. He placed the sweetest kiss against my lips and when he pulled back, his eyes were shining, but not with tears this time.

--

After we cleaned up, we ordered take out and watched some sci-fi movie that was on cable. I couldn’t tell you a thing about it; I was too busy watching Spencer’s face when he told me all about it. I was enraptured by his voice, the way his hands moved.

He was so beautiful.

Before I was ready, I realized that it was already approaching midnight. “It’s late,” I said.

He nodded. “I should go.”

It was childish, but I couldn’t stop my lip from jutting out in a pout, causing him to laugh.

“What is it, beautiful?” he questioned, his voice teasing.

I shoved his shoulder. “Don’t ‘beautiful’ me, Spencer Reid,” I scolded, delighted when he laughed. “I just…I’m not ready for you to go.”

Something in Spencer’s eyes changed. He seemed almost relieved at my words. “I’m not ready to go either.”

I leaned over, placing a soft kiss in the center of his lips. “Then don’t go.”

--

Spending the night with Spence was worth how early I had to wake up the following morning to drive him by his apartment before work. I had offered to wait and give him a ride to work, but he had gotten a text from Garcia. They had gotten called to Houston for a case; Morgan was going to swing by and get him.

“I’ll call you when I can,” he promised, cupping my face when he kissed me goodbye.

The circles under his eyes this morning weren’t as dark as they had been before.

--

I could barely contain my excitement when we got the notification that the team was headed back. Part of me felt silly for being so excited. I mean, it was just one night; but it hadn’t felt like just one night.

Spencer hadn’t called me during the few days he’d been in Texas, but I hadn’t really expected him to. If anyone understood his job, it was someone who worked with his team. The BAU was such an elite unit within the FBI for a reason; they would stop at nothing to solve a case.

When the glass doors of the bullpen opened and I saw Hotch stride in, heading for his office, I couldn’t contain my smile.

“I saw that,” Anderson muttered.

I reached out and smack his arm. “You wanted me to talk to Reid.”

He nodded, biting the inside of his cheek. “And judging by that mark on your neck you did more than talk.”

I scowled at him. “See if I’m on your side the next time you fuck up,” I teased, knowing he wouldn’t take my words to heart.

He just offered me a wide smile. That’s how Anderson had lasted so long here, he never really held onto anything.

“Your man doesn’t look so good,” he said suddenly.

I turned, my eyes seeking out Spencer. He was right, the dark circles were back under his eyes, his clothes were wrinkled, his hair sticking up in every direction.

He never turned his head in my direction.

--

I had wanted to give Spencer some space when he first arrived back. What if something about this case had affected him? I thought that maybe that was the reason he had been avoiding me.

My department always had more paperwork than usual when the team came back from a case, so I wasn’t able to leave until after 7. While I gathered up my things I debated about calling Reid, thinking he was already gone. When I went to take Hotch some files about 20 minutes earlier Spencer was rushing out of the bullpen with his bag clutched in his hands.

Even though I wasn’t expecting to see him, I couldn’t stop myself from looking in the glass doors when I passed by out of habit.

He was sitting at his desk. His head was tilted back, and it looked like his eyes were closed. Even in a position that most people would appear relaxed in, he still seemed incredibly tense.  

I can just pop in and tell him hi, I reasoned. Let him know I’m not expecting anything, but I’m here for him.

I had given a lot of thought to my relationship with Spencer over the days he was gone. He was still healing from what happened with Tobias, it wasn’t fair of me to put unreasonable expectations on him right now. I was his friend before anything else. I could put my personal feelings aside if I needed to.

Squaring my shoulders, I pushed the doors open and headed towards his desk. The only person still at their desk was the newest member of the team, SSA Prentiss.

“Hey, y/n,” she greeted.

I had intended to return her greeting, but Spencer’s eyes snapped open and zeroed in on me. The look in his eyes made my blood freeze in my veins. He looked at me like he’d never seen me before, like my presence in this space was annoying to him.

Reid stood abruptly, pulling the strap of his messenger back up on his shoulder before he brushed past me. I had barely processed his actions before he was already leaving the bullpen.

“Spence!” I called. “Hang on!”

He just kept walking. I all but sprinted in my attempt to catch up to him. “Spencer, what the fuck,” I whispered. I knew he had seen me. Once I was closer to him, I reached out and gripped his elbow in an attempt to get his attention.

His entire body jerked as he spun around to face me. “Don’t fucking touch me,” he hissed, venom dripping from his words.

My body recoiled from him like he’d slapped me. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “I thought…I just…”

Just then a pair of agents walked past us and they did not bother hiding the curiosity in their eyes.

Spencer’s hand shot out and gripped my forearm, pulling me along behind him. The hold he had on my arm was almost painful, but I couldn’t focus on anything. My brain was still playing his words over and over again.

“Don’t fucking touch me.”

He didn’t stop until we reached the copy room; he jerked the door open and shoved me inside.

“Spencer!” I yanked my arm out of his grip, rubbing the skin with my other hand. “What the fuck is going on?!”

“You thought what?” he snarled taking a step closer to me. “You thought that because I fucked you that means you’re my girlfriend now or something?”

My eyes widened at his words. Something cold and heavy settled in the pit of my stomach while some unnamable feeling made me throat constrict. “N-no, I didn’t think that. I just-“

I had heard Spencer’s laugh so many times before, it used to make me smile every time I heard it. People who hadn’t heard him laugh before might have thought the sound that he made when he heard my words was a laugh. But it wasn’t. It was harsh and brittle. His face was pulled into a smile that was condescending.

“Are you sure, y/l/n? Because you’ve sure been fucking acting like it all day. I feel your pathetic little looks everywhere I turn. Like I kicked your dog or something.”

I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes because…this wasn’t Spencer. This wasn’t my Spencer. My Spencer couldn’t use chopsticks and held my face when he kissed me.

“Oh, my fucking god,” he groaned in disgust. “Are you going to cry, y/n? Are you kidding me right now?”

People always say terrible things happen so fast, it’s what I read in witness statements all the time. This was a terrible thing, but time seemed to slow down for it. I saw everything in perfect detail, I heard every single syllable that came out of this mouth.

When the first tear slid down my cheek that dark, brittle laugh left his mouth again. “If you weren’t being so pathetic, I might feel bad for you.”

“Why are you doing this?” I whispered, wiping at my cheeks.

“Why am I doing what, y/n?” His voice was so much louder than it was before. It didn’t make sense that he brought me to a more private place to avoid attention but now he was…yelling at me. “We fucked, do you get that? That is all! I don’t know what sad little schoolgirl fantasy you built up in your mind, but that night wasn’t special to me.”

Oh. I swallowed down my emotion, my eyes moving away from him to stare down at the floor. I wished I was the sort of person that could lash out whenever I was hurt, to hurt that person back as badly as they hurt me; but it’s just not who I was.

Like a shark that smelled blood in the water, Spencer moved closer to me. His fingers brushed over the strands of hair that hung near my shoulder. “I hate to be the one to break it to you, y/n. You’re not special. You were just a desperate girl that wanted attention. You were a pussy to use.”

I jerked back violently at his words, putting as much distance as I could between us. My entire body felt so cold, my face frozen in a mask of confusion.

Reid scoffed once more before he turned and left the room.

He never looked back at me.

I’m not sure how long I stayed in the copy room after he’d left. It may have been seconds; it could have been hours. I think I was in some sort of shock; my body just autopiloted to a place I felt safe.

I don’t remember unlocking my office door. I don’t remember collapsing in my chair and burying my head in my hands while sobs tore out of my chest.

All I remember is hearing my name a moment before I felt someone standing beside me.

“Hey,” a familiar voice called softly. “What’s wrong, y/n?”

I lifted my head and looked into the worried face of one of my best friends.

Anderson didn’t say anything further, he just pulled me up from my chair and wrapped his arms around me while I cried.

--

Pain is a universal experience, but everyone feels it differently. Everyone heals differently.

My grandmother used to say, “Everything will be different in the morning.” I was never sure if that was true or not, but today I chose to believe it was. The pain and humiliation that burned in my gut when I remembered Spencer’s words yesterday wouldn’t last forever.

I had made a mistake. I had let someone use my body only to find out that person wasn’t who I thought they were. I wasn’t the first person to make that mistake, and I’m sure I wouldn’t be the last.

Anderson had stayed with me in my office last night while I pulled myself together enough to go home. He didn’t ask what had happened, but he wasn’t stupid, I’m sure he suspected what had broken my heart.

In a perfect world, I would have fallen for someone like Grant Anderson. He was kind, funny, and a constant source of comfort when I felt my world breaking apart.

I had always tried to think of each painful moment as a lesson in some way, and lessons can teach you both good and bad things. Even my worst moments of pain, I couldn’t regret the choices that lead me to them. Every single experience shapes us into who we grow to be.

One day, when this pain in my heart wasn't so sharp, I think I might be able to look back on my night with Spencer Reid without feeling regret. He had been my friend, he was hurting. How I tried to help his suffering was a mark of who I was.

How he caused me pain was a mark of who he was.

Grant had sent me a text around 6 am, asking me if I was going to take some personal time. The BAU wasn't assigned to an active case today, but I had sent some files over to JJ that looked promising. My money was they'd be headed out to New Orleans tomorrow to catch a serial killer once she had reviewed those files.

A very large part of myself wanted to stay home; I wanted to hide from my pain and tend to my wounded heart in private. But no matter how big that part of me was, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I couldn’t let this pain consume me.

I wouldn’t let it.

With that thought in mind, I squared my shoulders and walked into the headquarters of the FBI.

--

The hardest moments after a tragedy are the moments after; after the first wave of pain has passed and you’re expected to go back to your normal life. The world never slowed down just because you were in agony.

JJ came by and told me she thought New Orleans looked promising and asked if I could contact the lead detective for any updates then forward those to her.

She wasn’t a profiler but even she knew something was wrong. Right before she walked out of my office she said, “Hey, are you okay?”

It's always so much worse when they ask you if you're okay because they never want an honest answer. So, on top of all the agony, you feel you have to pull off a convincing lie.

“Just tired, JJ.”

I don’t think she quite believed me, but she was kind enough not to push me any further.

A few hours later JJ was on the phone the detective heading up the investigation into the murders happening in the French Quarter. It looked like the team was heading out to New Orleans sometime tomorrow morning.

My job mostly had me working with JJ, but SSA Hotchner was the unit chief. It wasn’t uncommon that I had to get his signature of approval on something JJ needed. So, when it was time to stop by Hotch’s office, I made my way there with no outward reluctance.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Spencer standing around the cluster of desks that housed his teammates. They all called out in greeting after I dropped the files off, but I had only waved over my shoulder and rushed out of the room.

Anderson had been popping in and out of my office all morning. First, he had made excuses for coming by, but much to my amusement he had dropped the façade after he came to ask me if he could borrow a pen…while he was holding a pen.

The biggest dilemma of my day was over coffee. Of course, I hadn’t gotten any sleep last night and I was dragging. Caffeine was obviously the answer.

But if you knew Spencer Reid, you know he was always at the coffee machine in the BAU bullpen.

I could just go downstairs to counterterrorism, I thought idly. But if I’m already in the elevator I could just run down the block and get coffee. JJ wouldn’t mind.

I was still debating my options when I heard a tentative knock on my door.

I am not proud of my actions, I’m truly not. But there is only one person in this whole building who would knock on a door that hesitantly.

The blinds in my office were closed…but I had left the door unlocked.

On instinct, I slid out of my chair, knees hitting the floor, and hid under my desk.

What the fuck are you doing, y/n? I mentally scolded myself. This is a new low, even for you.

It turned out to be pointless anyway.

He didn’t open the door.

--

“You don’t have to tell me,” Anderson began. “But…”

“I have to tell you?” I supplied after a beat.

He flopped down in the chair on the other side of my desk. “Exactly.”

The small smile that curled up on my face was the first real smile I’d had in almost 24 hours.

How had it only been 24 hours?

“Listen,” he said, bringing my attention back to him. “I know it’s about Reid. I’m not a profiler, but it’s all that makes sense.”

“How’s that?”

One of his dark brown eyebrows raised at the question. “I mean, even if we ignored everything else, the fact that he keeps walking past your office door is a dead giveaway.”

I rubbed my temples with my fingers. “Grant, I can’t right now.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“Can’t,” I whispered out. “I don’t…I need to hold it together. Just for a while longer.”

Grant reclined his back against the chair, his eyes surveying me. “Fine. But I don’t like seeing you like this.”

I don’t like feeling like this.

“Alright,” he sighed, rising to his feet. “I have to go run some sort of errand for Garcia.”

I didn’t bother asking, he’d say it was “classified.”

All the air seemed to leave the room when he opened the door.

Spencer was standing on the other side, his hand up like he had been about to knock.

Grant’s entire body jerked while Spencer’s eyes widened. “What are you doing here?” my friend demanded.

The most startling thing was how surprised Spencer looked at Grant’s tone; like it was some oddity that one of my closest friends would have been angry on my behalf.

“C-can I talk to you?” he asked, his voice squeaking on the last word.

I licked my lips, weighing my options. How could he hurt me any worse? I gave Grant a nod, signaling that I was okay. He moved out of the way, granting Spencer entry, but I knew my friend; he wouldn’t be far.

The man in front of me waited until the door was shut before he spoke. “Did I do something?”

My eyes had dropped down to my hands only to shoot up to his face at those words. What?

“To make you upset?” he clarified. “I…you’ve been avoiding me all day. And I know you were in here earlier when I knocked.”

His words tore at the bandages I had wrapped my heart in, ripping my wound open again. All I could do was wrap my arms around my middle in an attempt to physically hold myself together. “W-why would I want to talk to you?”

If possible, he looked even more confused than I felt. “What is going on?” He took a step towards me. “Baby-“

My reaction to hearing that word come out of his mouth was visceral. I shot to my feet, almost stumbling over my chair in an attempt to put more distance between us.

Spencer froze. “I…I don’t understand,” he pleaded. “Please, y/n, you have to talk to me. It…it hurts me to see you hurt.”

Any work I had done to repair my heart was destroyed at his words. I never should have let him inside. The look on his face twisted a knife in my stomach. He had the audacity to look distraught over my tears like he wasn’t the cause of them.

“I know I said I’d call but I was just so busy with the case…I thought…you’d understand.”

I ran my tongue over my teeth while my eyes blinked rapidly in an attempt to clear the tears that were clouding my vision. If I couldn’t remember everything about yesterday so clearly, I would doubt that the man standing before me now was the same monster that spewed venom at me yesterday.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Reid.”

He flinched at my use of his last name. “I want you to tell me what happened.”

“Why?” I rasped out. “Do you want it to hurt more? Why are you doing this to me?”

Spencer took another step towards me, his hands were outstretched. "I don't-"

"Don't fucking touch me." I tried to fill my words with the same venom his words had yesterday when he told me the same thing, but my words came out as a broken plea.

He blinked and dropped his hands to his sides. “I deserve to know why you’re treating me like this.”

A sad sort of laugh came out of my mouth at his words.

Somehow the non-acknowledgment of my pain hurt worse than anything. “Do I mean so little to you that you forgot our conversation yesterday?”

Spencer shook his head, his hair flopping around his ears. “No, I didn’t talk to you yesterday.”

What? “Yes, you did.” My voice shook but my words still tumbled out of my mouth. “You pulled me into the copy room and told me…you told me that our night together was nothing…you told me that I was nothing.”

His brows knit together, his mouth popping open. “What are you talking about? You’re…you’re everything, y/n.”

“Reid, please…I know I’m pathetic, but I can’t take this. I can’t…” My shoulders started to shake. “Please don’t make me feel this again.”

“Pathetic?” he questioned. “What are you talking about? Is this…is this some sort of game? You don’t want to be with me…so you do this? Did Anderson tell you about my mom?”

“What?”

“My mom has schizophrenia. Is that why you’re trying to make me feel crazy?”

My brows knitted together. “I…Nobody told me about your mom. I’m not trying to make you feel crazy. And I wanted to be with you. But you told me you didn’t want to be with me.”

He still denied my words. “No, I haven’t talked to you. You’ve been avoiding me.”

“You avoided me all day yesterday. When I finally came to talk to you in the bullpen you walked past me like I wasn't there. Then I went after you." I held up my arm, pushing my sleeve up to show him the finger-shaped bruises. "You dragged me into the copy room. You told me I was pathetic. You mocked me. You told me I was just some girl…some pussy for you to use."

He kept flinching at my words like they were whips leaving lashes all over his body.

“You told me I was nothing. You told me our night together was nothing.”

“No.” He continued to shake his head. “I…I wouldn’t say that. But I especially wouldn’t say that to you. You’re wrong.”

I just shrugged. “Ask Prentiss. She saw me follow you out of the bullpen yesterday. Ask Garcia to pull the security footage. There’s probably a recording of you breaking my heart.”

“No, no, no,” he muttered over and over again.

“I don’t know why you’re pretending you don’t remember, Spencer.”

He didn’t say anything else; he just turned and left my office, slamming the door behind him.

--

JJ was suspicious when I called her from my office phone instead of just walking over to see her, but she didn’t ask any questions about the mysterious illness I told her had hit me. She just told me that she hoped I felt better and to take all the time I needed.

I knew that the team was set to fly out after JJ presented the case at 10 am in the morning, meaning that going back to work tomorrow wouldn’t be too hard. No matter how badly I hurt now, I couldn’t lay down and cry about it.

Part of me was afraid if I laid down, I wouldn’t be able to get back up.

With that in mind, I would give myself today to feel the full force of my heartbreak. I would cry when I wanted to, I’d watch sad movies and make myself cry more, I’d eat junk food that ultimately only made me feel worse. I would feel this pain for one day.

I told myself Spencer Reid didn’t deserve more of my tears than that. I told myself that over and over again until I almost believed it.

Anderson had been texting me all day to check-in, I had even gotten a nice call from Penelope Garcia asking me if I needed anything.

The most unexpected call came at 8 pm that night from a number I didn’t recognize.

“Y/n?” the voice asked. “This is Prentiss.”

Oh. “Oh. Hi, Emily.”

“Listen, I called for two reasons. The first is that I wanted to check in on you, and the second is…the second is a bit more personal.”

Oh. I cleared my throat. “I’m as good as I can be, Emily.”

She sighed. "I figured. Which brings me to my second question. Did something happen between you and Reid?" After a few moments of my silence, Prentiss hurried on. "You don't have to tell me. It's just that…Reid came up to me this afternoon and demanded to know if I had seen you come into the bullpen to talk to him yesterday."

“What did you say?”

“Um, I told him yes. Because I did. What is going on?”

My fingers picked at the edges of the blanket in my lap. “I don’t know. Anderson thinks something is up with him.”

“We all think something is up with him.”

Her confirmation didn’t make me feel any better.

--

I arrived to work the following morning at 9 am, a full thirty minutes later than usual. JJ had stopped by my office to see how I was doing, followed by a visit from Prentiss. Garcia had teetered into the room about 15 minutes after Emily left, giving me a frosted cookie that was bigger than my hand.

“Cookies help,” she had said confidently.  

I hoped she was right.

Anderson popped in last. "Hey, ooh." He skidded to a stop. "You look terrible."

I shot him a withering look. “Thank you so much, Grant.”

“You know what I mean.”

“…That I look terrible?”

He nodded, his lips twitching at the corners. “Anyway, Hotch needs the mileage forms for the SUVs. I can run it over to him.”

My teasing tone vanished. “I’ve got it, Grant.”

I wasn’t sure if that was true, but I had to believe it was. Or at the very least it would be soon.

It took every ounce of will power I had not to let my eyes wander over to his desk when I entered the bullpen. I could almost feel him looking at me. It went against every natural instinct I had to ignore him…but what else could I do?

Hotch wasn’t in his office when I knocked but the door was unlocked. He never minded if we walked in when he was out if we just had something to drop off. I tried to find an open space on his desk to set the forms when I heard the door squeak on its hinges behind me.

I spun around, my startled eyes connecting with a pair of sharp brown eyes.

“Oh!” I exclaimed. “I’m sorry, Agent Gideon. I didn’t see you there.”

He gave me a small smile, but that sharp look didn’t leave his eyes. “No, I don’t suppose you would have,” he said simply. “It’s hard to notice anyone else when you’re trying so hard to not notice someone.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

Gideon just nodded. “I’m going to tell you something. Now, you can take these words to heart, and I hope you do, or you can take them as the ramblings of…a sentimental old man.”

I shifted my weight from foot to foot. “Okay.”

"A lot of people think that the most important thing you can have in a relationship is love," he began, his eyes never wavering from mine. "In my not so humble opinion, they are incorrect. You see, y/l/n, love fades. Love isn't a thing that can stay in one form forever. It's always changing… its fluid."

“Sir, I don’t-“

“You know what the most important thing is?” he asked as if I hadn’t spoken. “Mercy.”

I just blinked at him. “I…I don’t think I understand.”

He just smiled at me, his hands moving into the pockets of his jeans. “Maybe not yet, but I think you will.” Gideon’s gaze broke from mine, looking through the windows of Hotch’s office to settle on Reid. His head was bent over his desk while his fingers ran over the pages in front of him. “He’ll need mercy, y/n. More than anything else.”

Agent Gideon turned back to look at me. “He’ll need it from all of us, but I don’t think he’ll need it from anyone more than you.”

I couldn’t think of anything to say in response. I truly didn’t understand what he was talking about.

With one final smile, he turned and left the office, leaving me with my thoughts.

--

Agent Gideon’s words were still swirling through my mind the following afternoon when I got another odd call from Agent Prentiss.

“Hey, y/l/n,” she began, her tone annoyed. “Listen, have you heard from Reid?”

My entire body stilled. “No, I haven’t. Why?”

“He was supposed to meet us at the plane. Morgan and I are waiting for him but he isn’t answering his cell.”

I hated the worry that wormed its way through my heart at her words. “I’m sorry, Em. I haven’t talked to him.”

She clicked her tongue against her teeth. “It was a long shot. Thanks, y/n.”

For several minutes after she hung up, I just stared at my phone. Don’t, I told myself firmly. He’s not your problem.

Spencer Reid wasn't my problem…but I couldn't just stop caring about him overnight. That's not the sort of person I was.

I kept telling myself I was calling to check on him for me, because I was the sort of person who checked on their friends.

It didn’t make it easier when he didn’t answer my calls either.

--

The need to silence the shrill ringing of my phone pulled me from my sleep the following night. I still hadn't heard from Spencer, but Prentiss had called me this morning to tell me Reid had gone to see one of his friends and "didn't have a signal." Her tone indicated she thought he was full of shit.

My eyes cracked open to look at the caller ID. When I read the name of the person calling me, my fingers frantically pushed “accept.”

“Spencer?” I asked, my voice still thick with sleep. “What’s wrong?”

“Everything.”

I sat up in my bed, my eyes looking at the clock on my nightstand. “It’s after 3 am. Did something happen with the case?”

He cleared his throat. “Um, yeah. The unsub is a woman. We tried to catch her tonight…but we can try again tomorrow.”

“You’ll get her.”

The only sound I heard was his uneven breathing. “That’s not why I called.”

My tongue ran over my lips while I pulled the blankets further up my chest like they would be able to protect me in some way. "Why did you call?"

“Do you think people deserve forgiveness?”

“I…I think it depends.”

“On what?” he asked desperately.

“On what they did…on if they’re sorry.” I cleared my throat. “Did you do something, Spencer?”

“I made a mistake.”

Somehow, I knew he wasn’t just talking about what had happened between us. He sounded just like I remembered him sounding when I wrapped my arms around him that night he came to my house.

His voice broke when he spoke again. “I’m so lost, y/n,” he sobbed. “I’m so lost and I don’t…I don’t know what to do.”

I fought to control my own emotions when he spoke. No matter what happened my heart still ached at the pain in his voice. “You might be lost, Spencer. But you’re not alone. Your team…your family found you. They brought you home. They’re still here for you. They’ll bring you home again.”

We sat in silence for a few moments, both of us lost in our own dark sea of pain.

“I don’t deserve to ask you to forgive me,” he said at last. “So, I won’t ask. I don’t even…I don’t even remember what I said.”

I think my subconscious mind had been connecting these pieces together for a while because in the darkness of my bedroom at almost 4 am, things finally began to take shape. The darkness that hung over Spencer was finally starting to take form.

“Just focus on the case, Spencer. We can talk when you get home.”

“Wait,” he called out. “Don’t go. Not yet.”

I don’t think I ever will.

--

The clock on my wall said it was just after 7 pm the following night when there was a knock on my door. Frowning, I made my way across the room, pressing my eye to the peephole, slightly surprised at who I saw.

I had figured he would come for me at some point, but I hadn’t expected it to be the very moment he got back into town.

…but it isn’t the very moment, I reminded myself. JJ had texted saying their plane was landing at 5 pm this afternoon.

He didn’t knock again but he didn’t move away from the door either. I think he knew I was there, just out of his reach, debating my options.

Opening yourself up to something that might hurt you is one of the most foolish and brave things a person can do. When someone you cared about broke your trust, how could you put your heart back into those very same hands?

I remembered Gideon’s words from that afternoon before they had left for New Orleans.

Over the past several days I had realized that that day in the copy room it wasn’t actually my Spencer that said those things. Something dark and painful had clawed its way into him and was trying to hollow him out.

That dark thing didn’t deserve my mercy…but I think Spencer did.

With a deep breath, I started to unlock my front door, grateful he couldn’t see that my hands were shaking. He looked tired but a different sort of tired than I was used to seeing. Weariness had crawled underneath his skin and was draining him slowly, but he didn’t look as defeated as he did the last time I saw him.

No matter how many times I had thought about this moment, I still wasn’t sure what to say

“I came…I came to explain.” He said at last.

I was still frozen in place watching him shift uncomfortably. I knew he wanted me to invite him in…but, how could I? Trusting him enough to talk to him was one thing but how could I allow him into the only place I felt safe?

Gideon’s words played through my mind again. Mercy.

Taking a step back from the door, I waved him inside. I moved to sit on the couch, but Spencer just stood in front of me.

"When Tobias abducted me…" he trailed off, balling his hands into fists. "He had dissociative identity disorder. It's much more rare than people think. Whenever it's been observed under clinical settings, the most that has been observed is 2. Tobias had three.

The first was him, the next was his father, and the last was the Archangel, Raphael. Tobias’s father abused him horribly… Charles broke something inside of him, he fractured him. The only way he could survive was to start abusing drugs. He took them intravenously.”

Gideon's words had started to weave the pieces together, but it was actually Spencer's words from our night together that cemented everything in place. “I don’t want you to see what he did to me.”

"He thought he was being kind when he injected me." Spencer crossed his arms over his chest, tapping his tongue against his upper lip. "You hear about addiction; I could tell you the statistics on people who suffer from opioid addiction. But I never in a million years thought it would be me.”

I didn’t realize I was crying until a tear fell from my face and hit the back of my hand.

“I’m not the person who gets addicted to things. I’m not the stereotypical picture of an addict…but that’s what I am, y/n. I’m an addict.” He reached into his front pocket, pulling out a small coin. “This is a newcomer’s chip…from narcotics anonymous. You get it at your very first meeting. I got this an hour ago.”

“Spencer,” I rasped out. “I’m so sorry.”

He came to sit beside me on the couch then, his hand covering one of mine. "I thought I could handle it. I convinced myself it wasn't that bad, but it was. What I did to you was reprehensible, y/n. And I am so sorry." Spencer's voice broke, his shoulders shaking with repressed emotion. "I will be sorry about that day for the rest of my life. I don't deserve any sort of second chance."

I turned completely towards him, throwing my arms around him. “Yes, you do, Spencer,” I whispered into his hair. “You do.”

This night felt so much different than the first night I held him like this while he cried. I didn't know the cause of his pain that night, but it broke my heart nevertheless; now that I knew the pain inside this beautiful man…I think the pain I had been feeling was tearing at my soul.

Addiction doesn’t discriminate. It’s a disease that will sink its hooks into anyone and refuse to let go. Spencer had made a mistake; his actions had gutted me. But…was it really him? Or was it the monster that has hold of him? It was in these thoughts that I finally began to understand the weight of Agent Gideon's words. "He’ll need mercy from everyone…but from no one more than you.”

I wasn’t in love with Spencer…at least not yet, but I did love him. In those moments when loving someone felt impossible mercy was the most important thing you could offer. I had to show him my mercy while he moved through this…because I knew love would come later.

“I’m here for you, Spencer. I want to help you in any way I can.”

He pulled back, his wide brown eyes meeting mine. “I can’t ask you to battle my addiction for me, y/n. I wouldn’t even if I could.” His voice was earnest when he spoke, his hands coming up to cup my face with a touch that seemed so familiar. “I promise that I’m going to try. I’m going to mess up at some point, some moments will be harder than others. I can’t…I can’t be perfect at this. But I promise I will never stop trying.”

“You don’t have to be perfect, Spencer. You’re not worthy because you’re perfect. You’re worthy because you’re…you.”

His eyes were soft when they ran over my face, his hands coming up to cup my jaw again. “I can leave, if you want…I know you’ll need time…I can’t expect-“

I leaned forward to brush my lips against his. “Don’t go,” I whispered. “Just be with me. Be here with me, Spence.”

I'm not sure who moved first. It was like all the pain in my body gave way to such a burning need that it almost consumed me. Our lips barely broke apart when I pulled him from the couch, guiding him to my bedroom; our actions were so similar to what they had been on that first night that felt like a lifetime ago.

But everything was different.

My bedroom was lit only by the dusky orange glow from the setting sun. I didn’t get to question Spencer about anything. His hands moved urgently against my body, ridding me of my shirt and bra. I unbuttoned his shirt, careful not to push it off of his shoulders. My nails scored his chest while his mouth moved down to kiss the column of my throat.

Spencer’s knee was wedged between my thighs when his mouth closed over my nipple. My hands tried to move down to undo his pants but when his teeth tugged at the tip of my breast all I could do was whimper.

“Spencer. Please.”

His eyes opened and lifted to meet mine. He looked nervous for a moment before he started to kiss down my body. I lifted my hips to help him remove my pants. When his fingers hooked into the waistband of my panties, I realized he had never seen me in the light before.

I felt his index finger trace down my slit, spreading me open under his gaze. He swallowed thickly when one of his fingers entered me, pulling a moan from my throat.

“Can I?”

“Yes. Yes.” I wasn’t sure what he was asking, but I would have given him anything in that moment.

I wasn’t ready when I felt his tongue tentatively lick my pussy. My hips bucked off the bed causing him to chuckle.

“Hold still,” he whispered as he spread me wider. He inserted another finger into my heat while his tongue fluttered around my clit.

“I’m trying,” I whined. “Fuck. I thought you said you hadn’t done this before.”

Spencer lifted his head to press a kiss to my inner thigh. “I haven’t,” he replied, his voice needlessly smug. Before I could comment his lips closed around my clit again.

My fingers were tangled in his soft brown hair while my hips rocked against his mouth. “Spencer, I’m close. I want-fuck! I want to cum when you’re inside me.”

He rose up on his knees, his hands moving to his belt. He had looked reluctant to leave his current position, but I needed him now. "You can eat my pussy to your heart's content later."

Spencer’s hand froze, his eyes snapping up to meet mine.

“What?”

He shook his head. “Nothing. You just…you said later.” The confusion must have been plain on my face because he clarified, “I can have you later too.”

My arousal was still pulsing in my body but now something else was too. I knew he didn’t mean sex when he said he could have me; Spencer meant he could have me, he could be with me.

With that thought, I urged him up my body so I could press my lips to his again. We were still kissing when I felt the blunt tip of his cock brush against me before he slowly pushed inside of me.

“You…I didn’t know something could feel like this,” he said when his hips settled against mine,

I didn’t either.

I think he must have felt the same frantic need I did. His thrusts were forceful as he drove into me. I was already so close that I could feel myself approaching my peak.

“Spence,” I whimpered out.

“I know, I feel you. You’re right there.” He reached between our bodies and rubbed his thumb across my clit.

My back arched as my orgasm washed over me, my mouth hung open in a silent scream. After a few more thrusts, I felt Spencer find his release too. He whispered my name against my hair while he slowly came down, pressing soft kisses all over any part of my skin he could reach.

--

The frantic mood from before had lifted, but something still felt urgent. Spencer had gotten up a few moments ago to dispose of the condom in the bathroom, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

He hadn’t removed his clothes again, and something about the energy in the room made me put my clothes back on too.

I was sitting at the end of my bed when he came out of the bathroom a few moments later. He looked resigned and…almost defeated.

“Spence,” I started but he just shook his head.

He came to stand in front of me before he spoke. “I have to…I can’t hide from you.”

I stood up before he could move. “You’re not hiding anything, Spencer. Not anymore.”

He pressed his lips against mine again. I think he understood the gravity of my words and what revealing his body meant. He knew I’d see him; I’d see all of him. But whenever I looked into his eyes when he started to open his shirt, I felt like I saw more of him than I ever had.

Everything he felt was floating through his amber-colored eyes. His hands shook and a few tears leaked out of his eyes when he pulled his shirt from his body.

The bend of his left elbow was covered in bruises in all different phases of healing. It looked like one of his veins might even have blown.

When I brought my eyes back up to his, I found them shut tight.

“Hey,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around his middle, careful of his arm. “Spencer, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” he breathed out.

I only held him tighter. “It will be. One day it will be.” I let out a shaky breath of my own before I spoke again. “You know I’m going to fall in love with you one day, right?”

His body jerked at my words, a tiny sob leaving his mouth.

“It’s true, Spencer. You have to know that. You’re worthy of love. You’re worthy of my love.”

He pulled back from me, his hands cradling my face while his eyes searched mine. “I’m not. I’m not worthy…but I’m going to try to be.”

The slashes and cracks in my heart didn’t feel so painful when I kissed him again. It wasn’t my job to fix him. It wasn’t his job to fix me.

But I could show him mercy while he fought his battle. He deserved that.

Everyone deserves that.

--

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[jdrizzle15]

Her Second Return

Just like all of you, and especially my fellow Penny fans, I am absolutely devastated by the Volume 8 finale. I had been in quite a state these last few days, utterly heartbroken, and actually nauseous at times. It feels strange to me to be legitimately grieving a fictional character, but it’s not a bad thing to feel this way. To me, this just shows that CRWBY loves her just as much as us to have written her so well that we connect so completely with her, that it feels like we lost an actual piece of ourselves when she’s gone.

But as you can probably tell by the title, this mega post isn’t gonna be about accepting this end, not in the slightest! Today I want to share canon evidence that can point towards another return of our beloved quirky red headed cinnamon bun! I’m here to spread this hope that I and others in the Nuts & Dolts dolts Discord server have!

I have this separated into many different sections to keep these thoughts organized. With that said, here goes…

A Father’s Words:

In Episode 7 of Volume 7, ‘Worst Case Scenario’ we learn the origins of Penny’s aura, and thus her soul. We also learn that it takes more aura each time she’s brought back. This leaves open an option that could be used at a later point.

Many people theorized that Pietro could indeed revive Penny one more time, which he would absolutely do. But there also lies the possibility that someone else could donate some of theirs, I’m not sure about this as I feel like it’s akin to blood donation where compatibility matters or there's a high risk of altering her, but the possibility is definitely there.

Now, the conversation in Chapter 5 of Volume 8, ‘Amity’ that Pietro and Penny have is an important moment for both Father and Daughter. It was there to show how her death in PvP all that time ago really did have a heavy impact on him and is still affecting him to this day.

Instead of continuing to pretend that everything is A-okay, like he had done for most of Volume 7, he finally lets his true feelings about how it come out to Penny for what is quite likely the first time. Even going so far as to say "Are you asking me to go through that again?" when she offers to take the risk of trying to lift Amity with her power. He wants Penny to be able to live her life.

This entire scene with Pietro established “this is what will likely happen” even if circumstances are much different now, it doesn’t negate the fact that this is a key part of Penny’s story. Scenes like these have a purpose beyond simply making an eventual death all the more heart wrenching. Her never actually getting to live her life makes those scenes basically moot. It makes them effectively pointless from narrative point of view. Unless there's more to it.

Building Relationship:

The build up between Ruby and Penny the last two volumes has been absolutely phenomenal with a definite destination in mind, and this doesn’t feel like that destination. So much of the arc of this season was to help Penny. This girl that our main protagonist absolutely adores and treasures, it would just be awful to throw all of that out for what amounts to an avoidable end. Why use so much of their precious and very limited runtime on deliberately building up this relationship only to end it abruptly, and permanently, when they’re separated?

In my opinion, RT is definitely smarter now than to intentionally set up what was really looking like a budding gay relationship only to kill one of them for good. If N&D wasn't actually going in a romantic direction, why would they leave in all of the romance-adjacent stuff that they got, that's not how ‘just friends’ act. And that is not something you use such valuable time building up for absolutely no pay off whatsoever...

Representation of Hope:

At its core, RWBY has always been about hope. It’s not at the forefront the whole time, but there's been an underlying theme of hopefulness that has persisted since it began. Some describe the show as a Hopepunk, I personally find this to describe RWBY really well. This genre of storytelling is about caring for things deeply and the courage and strength it takes to do so. It’s about never submitting or accepting the way things are. Fighting for what you believe in and standing up for others. RWBY fits all of this extremely well. How does this relate to Penny? She has been shown to be a sign of hope for everyone, but especially for Ruby, the main main protagonist. A prerequisite for a Hopepunk story is the hope.

Her first death in V3 was something that fundamentally changed Ruby. For the first time in the series, we see our main character all but broken by this event. With the loss of Penny, immediately afterwards, Ruby’s hope followed. She made up for it through determination and force of will. We see it affect her multiple times throughout the journey to Volume 7. But upon her return in V7, Hope reached a high point for everyone, the sheer relief on Ruby’s face is plain to see!

In V8 chapter 5 ‘Amity’, Penny literally raises hope by lifting the arena into the sky so Ruby could spread her message. And when she falls, and Amity with her, the connection is lost and hope plummets again. From there things take a very negative turn with the hack begins to take Penny’s agency.

In chapter 11 ’Risk’ is the point in the arc where everyone is reunited for the moment, so two separate hero stories are no longer a thing at that point in time. For the time being focus seemed to be shifted to care about the characters and how they’re going to solve the current problems. This is also where Ruby reaches her lowest emotional point in the season.

It’s not huge, but it’s interesting how connected this is. Before Ruby and Yang share a good cry over learning the possible fate of Summer, Yang brings up restoring optimism and hope to Ruby after the younger sister storms out of the room in frustration. This is where Penny’s scenes take up the rest of the episode. Getting Penny back in control of her own body and safe again is what makes the ending of the episode much brighter, when just 5 minutes before Ruby had been distraught and scared. This then spills over into the group coming up with the plan to use the staff, putting the main group in a much better mood. Of all the things to go right, it’s interesting that it’s Penny.

Things go wrong with the plan in the end and Penny dies. I find it interesting that once again, Penny got them hopeful in their chances of doing something right. Given said plan succeeded but at the cost of Penny of all people, Penny is shown to be the beginning and end of hope for them

The highest and lowest points for hope seem to directly correlate to when Penny’s around. When she comes back again, hope will return too, just like it had before. And because she’ll likely be back for good this time, the second return will probably be close to when Ruby is nearing the complete abandonment of hope. This would be pretty par for the course of the show honestly.

A little aside, but in a sense, Penny also represents Unity. The CCT in Vale fell after her first death, knocking out global communications and the unifying connection it gave. When it was restored for the briefest moment, she was there. Her body connected so she could allow for its launch, her soul lighting the night to hold up Amity with every ounce of her strength. So of course when the Hack succeeds and she falls, she takes global comms down again with her. At a smaller scale - even at the Hack's second last attempt to control her, she draws everyone in the Schnee Manor together. At the start of the volume, Yang states the one thing that they all agree on is not surrendering Penny.

Unity seems appropriate for one whose first song and wish was for but one friend, who would go on to find so many more in the process, and permit for a moment the possibility of all Remnant becoming friends once more. Where she first died, the name of the episode devoted to her story - Amity, "friendship", from the Latin root amicus, "friend" - she almost lives and dies with the very possibility of a united Remnant. It's no wonder she's a priority target for Salem, the great divider, and it seems natural that her next restoration may very well allow the next bid to bring the world together.

The Void Screams:

Moments after Penny's death, we hear a weird scream in the void space. It was a guttural, pained, angry scream, almost like the void space itself was crying out. All the portals shuddered and flickered when it happened.

Some think that this scream was Salem returning, but that happens earlier than Penny’s death, her return is signaled with cinder's arm acting up. We know this because after the arm finished flailing uncontrollably, Cinder said triumphantly "she's back." If it were Salem screaming, it would have happened after she fixed herself, but it didn't.

And I doubt Cinder would have been surprised or unsettled by it considering she was happy Salem returned not long before it. And why would a Salem scream affect the portals anyway, she has no connection to the staff or it's magic.

Another thing to consider is the fact sound is not transmitted through the portals. Otherwise, they would've heard Oscar and the rest calling for them, or the screams of the citizens of Mantle and Atlas. This lowers the possibility of that scream being from Salem even further.

The sound really seems to be coming from something else entirely within the void, and that something is not at all happy. There’s also the fact that Penny was the only person who died in the void space, everyone else was just thrown out of it like Ruby and Co. The only logical cause to me is Penny. Her body was a product (or byproduct) of the same creation magic that made the void space, her blood seems to have been a trigger.

Now I can't be sure about it, but this makes me feel like Penny is almost a part of creation itself? For whatever this thing is to be so angry, that is the only explanation I can think of currently. But all of this could possibly relate to the Narnia allusion of 'the willing victim killed in a traitor's stead' that others have brought up, which will be covered next.

Narnia Parallels:

Atlas has several parallels and references to fictional places (putting aside real world ones like the United States). One of those is that of Narnia, both on the surface and on a deeper level. It is a land of winter year round, where people struggle to survive and there is a present divide between those loyal to the current Monarch and those who are not. James is a parallel to Jadis, the White Witch, a ruler whose thoughts and cares aren’t exactly centered around the actual well being of the people. The hologram table in Ironwood’s office is designed to look like stone, like the Stone Table which features prominently in the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. He has a handpicked cadre of special agents/secret police, like how Maugrim and his wolves served Jadis. Another key parallel is how Jadis’s winter sets in to oppress and kill everyone in Narnia, but the Witch provides aid and protection to her loyal followers. She has all the power to spare harm to others, and uses it only for the loyal. As soon as Mantle splits from James and Atlas, no care is taken to protect them from the cold of Solitas even though he has every ability to turn the heating grid back on. His protection is only for the loyal.

Now that the parallel is established, let's look into the details. Starting with how James plays the role of Jadis.

"I had forgotten that you are only a common boy. How should you understand reasons of State? You must learn, child, that what would be wrong for you or for any of the common people is not wrong in a great Queen such as I. The weight of the world is on our shoulders. We must be freed from all rules. Ours is a high and lonely destiny." These are the words Jadis says in the Magician’s Nephew to justify the blood civil war she and her sister had waged for rulership of Charn, before she came to Narnia. She won that war, technically, but only after the last battle had been lost and her sister had marched right up to her so that they were face to face. Jadis’s troops were dead, her followers had surrendered, and the capital was under full control of her sister. But, she still had one card, one ultimate play to win and prove the throne of Charn was rightfully her. The Deplorable Word, a piece of old magic that killed everyone and everything except for her on Charn. It was monstrous, senseless, cruel beyond measure. But it got her that hollow victory. This mindset, the disregard for the people except as tools for her own will, the ultimate ‘aoe’ destructive move that no one had even considered her using, the unwillingness to stop even when by all practical measures the war is over, is a shocking parallel to James. In many ways, he is Jadis in mindset and deed.

Then there is the shared desire for A Thing that both James and Jadis have. For James it’s the Winter Maiden and control over her. For Jadis it’s the Silver Apples from the Tree of Youth. And funnily enough, the Maiden Powers parallel the Apples quiet well. These apples grant power and a life of eternal beauty, but should not be taken or eaten on one’s own initiative. They must be given, a gift granted by another, or only suffering will come from obtaining them. "For the fruit always works — it must work — but it does not work happily for any who pluck it at their own will. If any Narnian, unbidden, had stolen an apple and planted it here to protect Narnia, it would have protected Narnia. But it would have done so by making Narnia into another strong and cruel empire like Charn, not the kindly land I mean it to be.” Jadis’s immortality, and some of her power, come from the fact that she ate an Apple of her own will after stealing her way into the garden where the Tree of Youth had been planted. She gained the eternal life she had wanted and the power along with it, but she did so by taking it and was cursed because of it. Her skin turned pale and her lips blackened as if she were a frozen corpse given life. She will be trapped in a life of misery and hate according to Aslan- oh hey Cinder, how’s having stolen the Power you always wanted working out for you? Cinder had the power she wanted, but she only got hungrier, eager to claim more and increase her might. But in her pursuit she was defeated and humiliated by Raven, had to steal her way out of Mistral, and then suffered defeat after defeat while in Atlas. Only in the end, when she didn’t keep pursuing the Maiden Power, did she get any kind of victory.

The reason these parallels to Narnia are so important is one of the most famous events of the series. The cracking of the Stone Table and the rebirth of Aslan after his death. ‘When a willing victim who had committed no treachery was killed in a traitor's stead, the Table would crack and Death itself would start working backward.’ Well, the ‘Stone Table’ in James’s office has cracked, and Penny strikes me as a pretty willing victim. She has never actually committed any actual treachery or harm, as she was the Protector of Mantle, and fought for its and Atlas’s people until the very end. And because of her death, the actual traitor, Winter, who loyally served James until he had gone too far, was saved. Through Penny’s self sacrifice, Winter was saved. So now Death itself will start working backward.

(Major props to my friend @catontheweb for writing this section, I was getting nowhere with it, if they weren't there this part wouldn't exist!)

Norse Mythology:

The tree we see in the post credit scene gives off some serious Yggdrasil vibes. Also called the World Tree, it is essentially all of creation in Norse Mythology. It connects all nine realms, including the God realms of Asgard, the human realm of Midgard, and the underworld of Hel.

Humans are born from the branches of Yggdrasil. The web of Wyrd is woven for every person once they're born, and their path is set from there regardless of how many times the souls cycle over. But at the end, they're destined to end up in one of the worlds, for a myriad of reasons.

I believe Penny landed closest to this giant tree. She was on the center platform in the void space, so if that space is directly above the island(?) the tree is on, it makes sense for her to fall by the center nearest to the tree. This would not only open up all kinds of possibilities for the volume in general, but it would also create options for Penny.

The whole of Yggdrasil’s representations fit well into Penny’s story. Birth, growth, death and rebirth. We can count Penny’s appearance in V7 as birth for now, her growth is all her development in leaving =the military and becoming a Maiden, her death just happened, and her rebirth would be her revival. And this is a cycle she’s gone through before.

The Norse god Odin and Yggdrasil have quite a connection. In one story, Odin cut out one of his own eyes to gain knowledge from a pool underneath Yggdrasil. The only one that fell whose eyes alone are incredibly significant to the story was Ruby. So, they could choose to have her allude to Odin by having Ruby make some kind of deal with whatever entity likely rules over this magical place. An eye for Penny’s life.

There’s another story about Odin, Yggdrasil and the pursuit of knowledge. Odin so loved knowledge, that he sacrificed himself in a quest to learn the deeper magic of runes. It was believed one could only learn the magic spells from runes in death. So, Odin hung himself on Yggdrasil for nine days as an offering, and teetered between life and death. After he mastered the last spell on the ninth night, he ritually died and all light was extinguished from the world. Odin’s death lasted until midnight, when he was reborn and light returned to the world.

This story doesn’t fit Penny perfectly, but allusions often don’t. So If she really did land near the tree, she could be another loose representation of Odin’s story here. What she did wasn’t for knowledge, but to save her friends and keep Cinder from getting the Winter Maiden power. She believed it necessary that she sacrifice herself to achieve this end. As we established, Penny represents Hope, so her death means the loss of hope. This parallels Odin’s story of his death meaning the loss of light itself. So if this theory holds up, it would make this death temporary, until her rebirth and the return of Hope with her once again.

Alternatively, Ruby has the potential of loosely representing Odin in this story as well. Odin later uses the knowledge of the runes to do many things, but the most relevant one right now is awakening the dead. Both of these stories are about making a personal sacrifice to gain something that is desired. Ruby would absolutely make such sacrifices if it meant saving Penny.

It is said that Odin lived “according to his highest will unconditionally, accepting whatever hardships arise from that pursuit, and allowing nothing, not even death, to stand between him and the attainment of his goals." This sounds like Penny's arc of accepting the WM powers. This is more just a general connection between Penny and Odin, but I found it interesting.

Side Note: I encourage anyone who’s interested to look into RWBY connections to Norse Myth, there’s a surprising amount of things that feel eerily similar to the show. Likely just coincidental, but it’s fun to think about!

(If I got any of this wrong, I sincerely apologize by the way. I researched as best I could, but I admit it could have been lacking.)

Ambrosius and the Staff:

Ruby told Ambrosius "we kinda wanna keep her around longer than that" as part of her very specific instructions. Then Penny died about ten to fifteen minutes, at the absolute most thirty minutes later in-universe. I don’t know about you, but to me that seems very short to be considered ‘longer than that’. Technically it is, but when writing a story and a character says something like that, you typically don’t just kill the character they were referring to basically right away. It makes sense for a week-by-week watch, but in a volume binge, which many viewers do, it becomes ironic how fast Penny dies after being removed from her robotic body.

The first time we see the staff of creation being used, it's to save Penny. Using the staff of creation to help Penny is a sign of how incredibly important she is.

They’ve even got this entire transformation sequence for her, so it wouldn’t make sense for them to throw all that away two episodes later. In a meta context, it’s a massive waste of time and budget considering the asset creation for Penny.

Penny is a character who has already hopped bodies two times. And now we're supposed to just believe that this time it really is a final death? Just two episodes after we were explicitly told her body isn't what matters, that "Her soul is who she is" and that "the mechanical parts are just extra"? From a writing perspective, it feels strange, like your breaking a promise right after making it. And frankly, CRWBY is better than that, which makes me think this is not the actual end for her.

A possible connection between Penny, Ruby, and the Staff (thus Creation) can be seen in the intro. As Ruby is falling and being dragged down into the darkness, she is shown reaching for the staff. In the void space, Penny is the one with the relic. So with Penny having this strong connection to Creation, and the lyrics “fight for every life” playing as Ruby reaches for the staff, it’s a safe assumption to make, with the knowledge we now have, that the Staff of Creation represents Penny in this particular moment. Which could mean that V9 will be about, at least partially, fighting for Penny’s life.

Musical Hints:

In terms of music, Friend, as a song for Penny, is very dissonant from the episode itself. The song is oddly cheerful for Penny’s recent untimely death, and it overall highlights the wrong parts of death. It’s simply too happy to be a song about losing one of the most, if not the most joyous characters in the entire show. The song also abruptly ends. There’s no outro, and while this could symbolize the fact that Penny died young, it could be that the song itself is unfinished in a story sense.

What do we hear just before the song finishes, though? A progression of notes that sounds eerily similar to the last line of the opening of Volume 8. The notes for “Fight for ev’ry life” and “Who fin’lly felt alive'' share a similar melodic structure, they aren’t perfect clones of each other, but they are incredibly similar, to the point where it seems intentional. Penny may very well be the life that the opening song is fighting for. It is also worth noting that the line “Fight for every life” comes just after “Sometimes it’s worth it all to risk the fall,” which is the exact wording used for the description in the Volume 8 finale. Team RWBY risked the fall, yet, strangely the opposite of fighting for every life happened with Penny’s sacrifice. Perhaps the time to fight for every life has yet to happen, and we will see it come Volume 9.

For another thing, the lyrics for Friend are entirely centered on Penny’s feelings for Ruby, to the point where they read very much like a bittersweet love song. The music itself is incredibly cheerful, as mentioned previously, creating a mood whiplash with the end of the volume. Why would we hear a song about Penny’s feelings for Ruby, sounding like a love song, if her death is supposed to be a tragic sacrifice akin to Pyrrha’s? The song may very well be giving a clue into its future use in the show proper.

If this was meant to be a good bye song, why make it so cheerful and romantic sounding? There's only one part about her dying and even then, it's just too accepting and goes right back into cheerfulness. The song is also pretty hopeful, telling Penny's story in a fairly chronological order. And the part where she talks about sacrifice is quite pointedly followed up by one about feeling alive. It also ends with the super cheerful chorus, the word "alive" being the last... (Remember the episode title: The Final Word)

(I want to thank my friend @shadow-0f-x for writing the majority of this section! I was struggling to choose how to tackle it as I am not well versed in music theory.)

What We Didn’t See:

It is likely that Penny understood Jaune's semblance better than him and figured something out about it’s abilities in the same way that she understood Ruby's semblance better than her. She had plenty of time to observe his semblance up close as he boosted her aura to stave off the virus. Because of that intentionally timed cutaway in the finale, we don’t get to hear her explain herself after her strained “Trust me.” All of that seems really suspicious to me.

Pyrrha Parallel:

Pyrrha and Penny both sacrificed themselves to stop or stall Cinder. Jaune tried to convince the both of them to stop. With Pyrrha, he failed, while with Penny he actively helped her sacrifice herself. Doesn’t make sense for the guy who was determined not to let anyone else do what Pyrrha did, unless of course Penny assured him she’d be alright.

The Moment:

RT including the suicide hotline in the description shows that they're aware that Penny basically committed assisted suicide, seeing it as a noble sacrifice worth doing to save her friends. They're aware, and I believe they're smart enough to condemn that decision to hell and back.

The best way to do that in my opinion is to pull her back into the land of the living and let her witness first hand the consequences of throwing her life away so freely. This would show Penny how her actions affected others so maybe she could learn to truly value herself. To not think herself expendable. It would be bold and unwise to portray this choice as something good, unless it was going to be called upon later and be pointed out for how horrible it really is.

On top of this, Penny was way too content with her death, happy even. There's no way team RWBY is letting her stay content with it. It’s almost as though we're supposed to join Ruby and Co. in calling bullshit on what Penny is saying and doing because no, Penny, this is not how things are meant to work. It's as if Penny was basically saying "I want to die for my friends" because most of the volume had been about everyone else making sure she didn't die. She knows it will hurt them. She knows.

At the peak of it all, a choice like this will totally destroy Ruby. It may very well be her breaking point for Volume 9. Curiously, the moment itself is written like it’s the first choice Penny’s ever made, yet the entire Volume shows this isn’t the case. However, this is the first choice that Penny’s made solely independently and it’s rather pertinent that the choice she makes is a mistake. Outside of giving Winter the Maiden gift and saving the day temporarily, this sacrifice will not have any lasting positive effects. Jaune will be saddled with the grief of killing Penny. Ruby will have to live with losing her best friend and not being able to protect her a second time, and Winter now has the burden of the Winter Maiden abilities, making her a target of Cinder. This is a bad thing, and Penny needs to see the long term consequences.

Transfer of Power:

As we all know, colors in RWBY are really important and get a lot of focus in the show. That means the yellow we see as Penny gives Winter the Maiden Powers was intentional and likely important, no matter how insignificant it may seem. It’s possible that the transfer effect being yellow could have something to do with Jaune’s semblance. When Fria gave the power to Penny, the effect was very much blue, so this transfer should have been green since she was the one giving it this time. The weirdness of this transfer and the focus on color in RWBY really makes it look like something’s up with how that went down.

A little off topic, but Penny saying "I won't be gone, I'll be part of you." makes me think... Winter is smart, so when she gets time to think about what Penny said, maybe she'll arrive at the same question many in the audience came to; if she's literally part of Winter, can they be separated again? If Winter starts questioning that, the possibility of Penny coming back just skyrockets.

Fria actually tells Penny "I'll be gone" before giving her powers up, which is an interesting contrast to Penny telling Winter "I won't be gone". She may have gotten that line from Winter be all philosophical in V7, saying Fria was now a part of Penny, but it hits differently coming from an actual Maiden. S5o it’s possible that Maidens usually actually will be gone, but Jaune's semblance did something to change that.

This could go well with the theory that they won't need to find an aura transfer machine, or build another one, because Jaune will have a semblance evolution allowing him to do the transfer instead. It might actually be that this evolution already happened and the golden light we saw was Jaune transferring penny's aura to Winter in some way?

An observation that I find interesting is when Penny gives winter the powers, not only is the aura yellow but penny completely glows yellow too, and she obviously starts to disappear, but she doesn’t seem to fully disappear, she just glows.

It's possibly a fading out effect and she does fully fade but animation makes bright light easier, and so we don't actually see her disappear because she's dead and not gone. But it does once again emphasize the color yellow here!

And the color is coming from Penny, it does go up Winter's arm a bit, but Penny is clearly the source. This transfer is so weird and I’m not really sure how to interpret it. There's just actually no reason that we are aware of to make the effect yellow here is the thing. Unless it has something to do with either Jaune or Ambrosius, or potentially a combination of both...

Jaune’s Aura:

The way we see Jaune's aura break in the finale is strange. His aura shouldn't be breaking here. It had been long enough since he was boosting Penny, he's had time to recharge, and it didn't look like it was a strain on him at all. Plus, we know he has a lot of aura, so there probably wasn't too much to recharge in the first place.

He has a massive amount of aura, it has never broken before as far as I remember. Even if it has though, that doesn’t make this occurrence any less odd. It should absolutely never be a one-hit KO. We didn't see anything that would've drained it, that should not have been enough to break his aura. Unless he did something - something that would require a huge amount of aura - that we just didn't see. That amount of aura drain is far more than just an attempt at healing would do, Jaune absolutely did something with his semblance that took up almost all of his aura.

Pinocchio Allusion:

As any Penny fan knows, her character allusion is Pinocchio, the puppet who became a real boy. Penny deviates from the allusion by having always been a real girl, as Ruby is quick to point out, but she shares many story beats with her original story including multiple deaths. In the original story, Pinocchio dies from being hung by his own strings due to his poor decision making and he dies. Sounds a little familiar, does it not? This is where his tale originally ended. Readers were unsatisfied with this ending however, so the author decided to change the story by reviving Pinocchio and teaching him to be more careful.

Unlike Pinocchio making all the wrong decisions, Penny often makes the right ones, or ones she thinks is right, when concerning others. While usually a good thing, this has meant Penny almost giving herself up multiple times during V8, her last attempt being successful. This is where Penny and Pinocchio begin to share similarities again. They are both very reckless when it concerns themselves. This carelessness comes from different places, but it ends with the same result of them endangering their lives and even sometimes losing them.

In the Disney movie, Pinocchio dies by drowning after going to rescue Geppetto and washes up on the shore (like the beach in V8’s post credit scene). His father is devastated and takes him home to grieve, but as a reward for his selflessness in rescuing his father, the Blue Fairy returns and brings him back to life, as well as granting him humanity. Penny sacrificed her life as well, and it stands to reason that she should be rewarded for it, much like her allusion was.

Penny got her maiden powers from someone with blue aura and then gave her powers to someone with blue aura. So it could be that not only Ambrosius, but Fria and Winter as well represent the Blue Fairy. It could be set up for Winter helping to bring Penny back to life once more. It’s an out there theory I admit, but it’s not outright impossible either. The Blue Fairy in Pinocchio saved him three times that I know of, so RWBY having three representations does make sense.

Geppetto wished for him to live as a real boy, but it depended on what path Pinocchio took. This is very reminiscent of Penny and Pietro. Pietro wants to see her live her life, and surely with him absent in V8C14 that didn't work, despite Penny choosing. Her father did not see her happy enough to live her life, and will only be able to learn her death through others. But Pinocchio's themes were life and being alive. So the likelihood that this is not her end yet is quite high!

A Girl That Fell Through the World:

Penny could be the girl who fell through the world. The girl in the story fled the consequences of a choice. The only person who chose her ultimate fate was Penny. The others were pushed into the void, but she chose to die. The consequence of her choice is Ruby’s grief first and foremost, which Penny won’t see. The girl who fell through the world does come back though, and the world will be changed severely with Penny’s absence. Alternatively, it could also be Penny coming back to Wonderland or wherever they currently are, as long as it’s unrecognizable to her.

What Returning Brings:

Others might say another return would have no story relevant purpose, but I wholeheartedly disagree. Penny gives a profoundly youthful, joyous, and wondrous outlook on the world and story that we hadn't seen since Ruby in Volumes 1-3(not the end), Penny returning would bring a much needed levity back in after the despair they will undoubtedly be going through. While not necessarily a huge thing in most other shows, for RWBY, a show largely about keeping up hope, an ounce of such relief is a necessity.

As much as I hate saying it, Penny’s death does actually make some narrative sense because she had to pass on the Maiden powers. (They could have done this in a number of ways, and I personally think they chose rather poorly, but I digress.) Throughout this whole volume, we can see Penny seemingly being set up to join the main cast, but would have been too strong with the powers. This also accomplishes ridding her of the burden of responsibility that comes with being a Maiden and lets her obtain the freedom that’s so important to her character.

Once she returns, seeing this grief that her actions caused, particularly to Ruby, will get her to realize more that her actions can have serious repercussions. She made a choice, but that choice hurt the people she loves. She must have known that it would but I’m not sure she ever realized just how much.

I didn’t want this post to be heavy in the shipping department, so I largely left it out, but I am going to say this one thing that could have an impact. If Nuts & Dolts is on its way to being canon, which this volume makes it feel highly likely, this could be a catalyst.

It could prompt an arc for the both of them in which Penny learns to live her life fighting for her loved ones, rather than sacrificing it for them. A relationship could potentially start from there. And Ruby seeing Penny learn these things may also help her to stop doing the occasional but very dangerous and reckless things she does. Ruby witnessing Penny coming to terms with what she did to the people that care about her would actually make her stop to think “wait, is this how everyone else would feel if I got myself killed?” That would be a very important moment of character growth for her.

I’m certain there are other significant things that Penny returning can bring to the show. And there are definitely more sections I could add to this. At this point though, assuming anyone even made it this far, I think I’ve been going long enough already. So let’s just roll into the outro!

As painful and hopeless as it seems, I'm choosing to trust them with this because there is absolutely no way they didn't see backlash coming. The way this finale went makes me think that they calculated for backlash and aren’t jumping into something they don’t have a plan to recover from. Whether this trust is unfounded or not remains to be seen, but I don’t think it is currently. I do think, however, that the cause of this backlash was a major misstep. Now that it has happened though, they have a chance to do something good with it.

I know for a lot of you, trust in CRWBY has been damaged, some even irreparably so. And for those that feel this way, I don’t blame you. My trust in them took a hit too, but isn’t broken completely yet. There are many ways that they can bring her back that would make sense with the narrative, they have the ability to make it right, and after going over all of the hints and general weirdness of things many times, I think they will.

I'm feeling pretty confident now and I really didn't expect that to happen at all to be honest. But discussing and theorizing with the discord server seriously helped get my hopes back up surprisingly fast! It’s actually thanks to all of them that this gigantic post even happened! So thanks a ton my fellow Dolts! And a special thanks to!!

@arcana-amicus

@catontheweb

@cosmokyrin

@gaydontmesswithme224

@jammatown919

@shadow-0f-x

They really helped get this thing across the finish line!

And thank YOU for reading all~ of this! I sincerely wish it gave you some of the hope and confidence that I now have!

[deanwasalwaysbi]

Dean’s Self Acceptance & Chekhov's Grenade Launcher

If you aren’t here for a deeper look at episode 12x22, metaphors, and Dean being bi, keep scrolling because we’re going to get into that holy hand grenade - Supernatural’s Grenade Launcher, the weapon that Dean has loved since season one but always got shamed out of using; shamed out of using UNTIL 12x22; an episode literally titled, ‘Who We Are’.   

After which Dean loses Castiel and goes into the Widower arc ... ok. ... Cool. I’ll just read nothing into any of that shall I?

(cont under the cut)

Okay first- ‘what grenade launcher? I don’t remember a grenade launcher?’

Dean has a grenade launcher in the trunk that we’ve never seen him use. It's been there at least since episode 1x02. He has assigned a gender to the grenade launcher, calling it ‘she’ like his car.  It has appeared multiple times, but one noteworthy time was two episodes ago when Dean was showing his arsenal to Max Barnes, the openly gay witch hunter, in 12x20. Mmmhmm, nothing to see there. Nothing about the slow progression of Dean learning to accept himself. Nothing about Dean opening his trunk up to a canonically gay man.

Dean often wants to use  it  her, but  it’s  she’s impractical,  it’s  she’s not stealthy.  The thing is unsafe, and other characters are constantly telling him no, put it back, don’t bring it, don’t use it. (See 12x05) 

When Dean lost his memory - when he would have seen no reason NOT to use it, one of the other characters reminded him with a post-it note: this thing that you want to do, that’s a natural instinct for you, don’t do it. (See 12x11)

[gif credit to @demondetox​ & ​ @shirtlesssammy​]

Okay, now that we have a bit of primer - let’s talk about 12x22.  There’s a lot to unpack in this episode.

Mary has been brainwashed and the boys have been locked in the bunker to die.  After trying magic and pickaxes (shout out to “goggles? goggles.”), Dean realizes it is time. Time to tear down his big concrete wall with something, "Big, Beautiful, and Dumb" regardless of what the British lady in the bunker says, and he's getting no more resistance from Sam.

"I have had this thing for so long, I have been waiting for the *perfect* moment to use this."

We've been seeing the grenade launcher for 12 seasons, and in how many episodes and they just happen to have Dean finally use it to break OUT by breaking DOWN walls in an episode titled ‘WHO WE ARE’?!  

Having torn down that wall with the grenade launcher, it becomes time to deal with other, less physical ones.  There are British Men of Letters to fight, Mary is still brainwashed, and there is no magical shortcut that is going to cut through. In a display of how far the characters have come, Sam is becoming a leader in a fight he originally wanted no part in [which the show will drop over and over for no reason] and Dean, well this one’s about Dean for me.

Dean fucked up his leg coming out ... of the bunker, I mean. Finally using the grenade launcher, it hurt, but it didn’t kill him.  An earlier Dean would have joined the fight at the men of letters compound anyway, prepared to die in a blaze of glory.  However, Dean has changed.  Instead he recognizes that going into a fight right now would be idiotic and he stays behind to fight with EMOTIONS instead of brawn.  It’s okay to Dean, and even his idea, to not go into the ‘manly’ fight.  Dean has become secure in himself enough to volunteer to go into the battle that requires being open and honest about feelings.  He initiates the hug and feelings talk with Sam, (only undercutting a lil with a classic 'bitch' 'jerk' call response). No chick flick moments indeed. 

So Dean and Sam hug, Sam promises Dean he’ll come back, and we move on to the most important scene in the episode. Dean has broken through mind control with feelings before, with Cas in season 8 episode 17 when we had the infamous ‘We need you. I need you’ moment (though apparently Jensen Dean  was still guarded enough that this was not an ‘I love you’.) but this time Dean goes into Mary’s psyche; Mary who has been a stand in all season for who Dean was emotionally before his character growth.

The viewer is expecting some big declaration of love, that’s how dean broke through last time.  But no. That’s not what we get. 

Dean finally lets out his true feelings. About his childhood. About John. About Mary’s death.  About everything that has ever happened to Sam. The walls are coming down.   Dean is honest with someone about the resentment he feels (which should be directed at John) about the responsibility that was put on him as a child.   In sharp contrast to his reaction to Mary’s guilt at the beginning of the season, of Dean as the perpetual caretaker, now Dean gets to acknowledge his own feelings, that he does blame Mary and her deal for what they went through.  Watch this scene.  He hates her and he loves her. okay. 

Yes, Dean got to use the grenade launcher, but it wasn’t in a climax of some epic battle.  It was in the ramp up - the beginning of an episode.

No, the climax of the episode was Dean comin to terms with feelings the character has had since season one.   We’ve been looking at this grenade launcher for 12 years, but we’ve been witnessing Dean’s feelings here for just as long & Dean takes his emotional predecessor, Mary, along with him. 

I will skip past the fight scene between him and ketch - which is actually impressive given the horse tranquilizer he’d been given.  Instead, I want to get to 12x23, to his reunion with Castiel. 

Dean has used the grenade launcher. Dean has accepted himself and admitted something to himself that you can’t even really see until you look back at this episode’s placement retrospectively.  Dean is no longer trying to fight with Castiel, he just wants to help him.  Castiel heals Dean’s major knee injury and Dean, well we get an interesting jacting joice: 

in fact, the moment continues with a lil half smile and Dean looking down and checking his knee, I’m just having trouble getting a gif or a video to make one from.  Throughout the entire episode Cas routinely addresses Dean specifically despite being in a group at all times. Cas later makes a run at Lucifer and Sam wrestles a yelling concerned Dean away and back through the rift, just as Dean wrestled him away from Jess in the pilot.

At the end of this episode Cas is killed in front of Dean, who for the first time doesn't continue on in the fight, instead dropping to his knees. This all flows right into Dean’s intense season 13 widower arc.   Dean feels Cas’s death in a way we have never seen him grieve before. 

Ho.ly.Shit.

"Who We Are". 

It gets another use later in the series in the same episode where Dean also wears a live action version of the pink sleeping gown he wore in scoobynatural, but we’ll get to that later.