#and so my brain rn just needs to Do Something Else
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How can you get gayer this pride month?
Here's a little something in honor of pride month... EVERYONE GET GAYER NOW 🗣️🗣️🗣️ (but really just getting more in tune with the self)
Pile 1
I'm hearing get your get back. Be gay, do crime. Sexy revenge posting. Get sexy and put yourself out there, you're literally a baddie. You. Are. A. Baddie. Post those sexy pictures you've been hiding in your phone. Get all dressed up and go outside. Once you indulge in this energy of just feeling yourself and wanting to let the world know, you are going to have to beat the people off with a stick.
By the end of the month you might leave with a baddie on your arm and a new sense of self. Also having clear goals and knowing what you want will help you in all of this and more. If you want love, a hookup, new friends, whatever the case may be you HAVE TO get outside.
Channeled Songs: touch tank by quinnie, Mary Jane by Orion Sun, Get Sexy by Pgsspence
Pile 2
For my pile 2's I'm hearing get smart... Read... Indulge yourself in learning queer history because there is richness in knowing your history and in the history itself. I'm also hearing the word confess. Maybe some of you have a crush on somebody and you were thinking about saying something but you just haven't so you may want to spill the beans... Do it for the plot... Of looooooove ;) Yea... you should really confess. I'm also hearing something about and actually smelling lemonade soooo whoever that is for, there you go 🤷♀️ I'm also hearing that some of you might be coming out a period of rest and just inactivity and may be looking to get out and get active but not knowing what to do.
I'm hearing something about getting a job. 444. You're the embodiment of "will the plans make it out of the group chat".... Your brain is the group chat and now you are really looking to get out (similar to pile 1 so maybe you should read that one too if you feel called to) What do you want to accomplish this month? Evaluate what you need to do to reach your goals, what would make you happy, what you can do to go up from this point on. Actively thinking about what you want to do and about what you can do to be fulfilled this month. Try new things. If you can't think of anything, try anything and everything and with that I'm hearing think less, do more. After this summer you're gonna be like "let's run it back".
Channeled Songs: Can't Help My Self by Four Tops, If you do by GOT7, Still Down by H.E.R., Satisfied from Hamilton The Musical
Pile 3
You can get gayer by working on your self concept. Creating a better inner world for yourself. Working on your self concept can do so much for your inner and outer world. It can make things so much more beautiful and easier for the self and with that also getting to know yourself better. Experiment. I feel like you may have been grieving or just coming out of a period of sadness and you're looking for direction on how to lift yourself up and out. I want to say I love you.
Nourish yourself, do the things you like and don't give a fuck about what anyone else has to say and don't let yourself sabotage your greatness. You've been through a lot and you deserve to be happy. Care for yourself and affirm that you are the master of your reality. Do things that remind you that life is beautiful and you will have a breakthrough. You will have a change in your mind and the way you think. You deserve to feel the light.
Channeled Songs: Set Fire to The Rain by Adele, Here I Stand by Usher, Feel The Light by Jennifer Lopez
Here is a subliminal from a trusted sub maker!
youtube
Pile 4
Hiiii pile 4's :3, for you I'm feeling you need to express your truths this month. I feel like you're sitting on a big bag rn... Or how do they say it.. sitting on a gold mine. I feel like you have so much to offer and that there are so many things that you are juggling when you know there is this one specific thing that you really want to do right now. You have something to offer to the world. Maybe even multiple. There's something you want to put out and share.
You have the confidence to do it, it's just that you're indecisive but once you know what you want to do... when you give/share, you'll receive. Whatever it is you're thinking of releasing, putting out, saying, doing, that idea that you thought you should wait on... put that shit out NYEOW! Whatever it is you want to offer to the world or to a person, give it... I guarantee you'll be surprised. Like something so unexpected, in the best way. Whatever it is, it'll be well received. Be open cuz you're gonna be a big winner.
Channeled Songs: Do U Wrong by Levin Kali, Big Rich Town by 50 Cent
Happy pride month to all my queers out there. I love you! Let me know how I did and if this resonated with you. This is the start of something magnificent ⊂((・▽・))⊃
#free tarot#tarot community#daily tarot#tarot#spirituality#tarotblr#tarot reading#tarot cards#tarotcommunity#pick a photo#pick a card#pick a pile#pick a picture#lgbt pride#pride month#aggnm#Youtube
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i really can't fathom people that only work on one wip at a time tbh. like whenever you need a break from your main wip what do you do?
#talking#like i love my wips but i get burnt out of them sometimes#like i love paramour to death but i haven't been working on it for like a year#bc i spent 3 years straight being insane about it#and so my brain rn just needs to Do Something Else#like i get its like how do you finish anything? and like#before i finished cage i woulda told u i dont <3#but now im like#i finish things by allowing my brain the space to work on what it needs to#ie: my word counter for the year is for ALL writing i do throughout the year#any prose i write it doesn't matter what wip its for#and that has taken the pressure off#and made me more consistent writing#in general#idk#ik ik everyone does shit differently but im like#my guy my dude how do you live#i used to get so frustrated trying to only do one thing at a time lol
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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#hi im j here 2 talk . saw this cow yday so i drew her and now u get 2 say hi#but omffgg my gd i dont know if any of u relate but i feel like my ability to socialize w others#specifically online and speciifically in interest-circles has gotten so much harder for no reason whatsoever#like im just becoming more self conscious ab how i portray myself and its so weird bc like . LIKEE I DONT KNOW like . ok#people r super njce . always super nice and reach out to me and talk w me or i reach out first and they respond and r soo sweet#and something happens in my brain where like . i feel like im suddenly like . inserting myself where i dont belong (not true) but why am i#the bus driver all of a sudden . in all of these situations . me when i just show up like hey#i think i j feel annoying >__< . and i dont want to bother other people but said people r literally never bothered ykwim like Will Reach Out#and im the one that pulls back but 4 no reason . i cant even think ab why i do that .why am i doing this 🧨#so many ppl i want to genuinely befriend in all of these spaces but im self sabotaging soo frwaking bad#literally rn thinking of some dms i left on read bc i panicked or mutuals ive talked w before who im nervous 2 be familiar w . hrmm#anyways . i kind of wish i had the ability 2 just talk to new people and not actually gaf ab the outcome#HELPP .. early tmblr or wcf or devart where u have thirty million friends 2 now where u r too scared 2 say hi to an almost friend .#me problem though . if not alr clear HEJAHHAAHA i think part of my reluctance also stems from the fact that i know i get this way#and so i dont want 2 rope someone else into that insecurity so i try to keep it at an arms length until i fix it#but i think i also know its a longer & more introspective thing to work on so i do need to just try anyways
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Do you love the color of the Fuuta?
(Yuno / Mahiru)
#milgram#fuuta kajiyama#i needed something simple to keep my hands busy while doing something else#and these came out way nicer than i expected??#i really want to do yuno and mahiru too -- its just too late rn ;-;#which one is your favorite#i think he looks funny and emo with kazui and kotokos palette#but im partial to the pink and purple looks from muu/yuno#blonde fuuta is... interesting...#oughghh my brain stopped being a human so now its bedtime!!! ill be back tomorrow :3#rose posts
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awkward way to have a convo but okay
[plain inks below cut]
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#oc#a dollar and 75 cents#pose i've had stuck in my head for a hot minute with side effects like Radiation Poisoning so i have to dispel and now the effects are just#like. a little bit that way kfjsshfvh#//anyway got this all done today isn't that sick !! think you can tell from the lack of cleaned lines for some spots and the Confusing#things but yea :D#//also i meant to work on a totally different canvas than this but uhhh this happened somehow lmao#Also i Do try to do fanart sometimes i'm being so honest right now. because i think things are cool more often than i lead people to think#UT i'm super bad at staying on task so i always end up drawing completely unrelated ocs. it's like a superpower Jhfsjfvsj#This Time though i can blame the really bad brain fog though :33 i forgot. i thought. i did something else. ceaser said that i believe#//but anyway yea these two.. definitely got a thing [energetic but vague gesturing] goin on. don't like whatever it is bc it's funkin with#my brain chemicals in a jazzy way and i can't take more psychic damage from them rn dude i've already got the worse-than-usual brain fog bu#Yea hfsjfhbvhsgjf#/why isn't vernor here? because she's a well-adjusted and routinely concerned party she doesn't need the extra trauma thank you Jfsjfvbhsf#i'm gonna give her a tea party though. she's earned it#gonna be the kind with tap water and ice cube tea cakes But! it Is a tea party lmfsvhfh#//anyway Yeaaaah i'm sleepy tired now. sigh!#wanted to finish this movie i have here and then rewatch tangled but i now just want to sleep. there's to-OH tomorrow's saturday let's go#but YEA i gotta sleep. fingers crossed i do that hfshvhf#and yepyeayee Toodles !! night :3 :D
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Does anyone have any tips to help stop yourself from comparing your artwork to others, or equating your value as an artist with likes and reblogs?
I've struggled with this for a while and it's getting old, I don't know how to just shrug it off. Any genuine advice would be nice
#its just bygging me bc i know rationally they dont matter i knoe they dont#but i still feel it in my bones that im not good enough because my work doesnt circulate on platforms#i paint for fun and then i post and i get these feelings and theyre so goddamn annoying#i know to just keep posting anyway and try to enjoy the ride but my Depression Brain is such an asshole#i wish it would be quiet#i never used to feel this way either until likes and reposts/reblogs became so integral to social media#on top of needing commissions to get by while looking for work and attending school soon#idk maybe this is just a vent and ik no one can Fix it that simply#i guess im just speaking 2 the void rn and maybe others feel the same#*bugging#and i really am so grateful just to know anyone likes it or comments on it and reading feedback really really means so much#but i feel like unless im pumping out specific fandom stuff that doesnt really happen#but the negative thoughts and feelings can b rly strong sometimes and im just tired#im sure this is a depression thing too#hoping i can get into therapy thru school but it depends on finances as everything else in this world does 🫠#ill keep going tho#and please if you are someone who does comment or reblog and say something about the work please do not ever stop#it means so much to me and others im positive it does#i see you and i appreciate you so so much#thank you and thank you to anyone who reads or comments some ideas
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Guys I am so sorry for dropping off the face of the earth, it will happen again
#uhhhhhh nothing to interesting happening rn just waiting for college to start next week#been trying to figure out what kind of art program I should use (Procreate or Clip Art Studio (aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa)#Skye I am so sorry for just dropping out I read the rest of the wip so I'll get to you about that......... eventually#uhhh what else#oh uh. legally allowed to drive now#been thinking about researching ADHD still no idea where to start#been trying to draw but uh everytime I open it my brain pfffttttttssssss#I would have loved to say I was taking an internet detox but uh no I was mindlessly scrolling reddit while logged out#I am. just here I guess#feel like somewhere along the summer my... I guess everything mentally started drifting off to the side#really mellow and kinda bored#cannot wait for college to start I need a routine I need something to do
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me trying to hype myself up to posting online again despite The Horror
#so turned out taking a break was both needed and the worst thing I could have done#having Anything to do day to day was the one thing keeping my brain from engaging nuclear meltdown lol#was trying to tell myself if the election went well maybe there'd be a chance for someone like me and it'd be worth trying again#but uhh no need to explain the flaws in that logic lmao#still stuck in the same place with no where else to go#and like#the more I learn about the scale of history the more I understand that relief won't really come until long after I've died#not at a scale needing to overcome the sheer ocean of grief and blood my country is built on and continues to feed year by year#have to live with it now somehow#its not liberating to acknowledge#but there's no such thing as miracles so I guess I'll stop hoping for better#that kind of thing has to be built by hand#really feelin that pingu rn#anyway time to stop whining I gotta start planning to post art or something#might need a second blog for my other non-nature-y artwork#trying to figure out how to make things manageable#maybe will make something silly just to break the ice#rompopolo calls
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currently very eepy at work...day dreaming about yaoi
#as one does~#dead ass started dissociating because I was trying to plan out how to write a thing but I need to physically act something out for#logistics but I can't really do that rn so I'm using like 99% of my brain power to make the little gay men in my head do it#I'm struggling tho#I need to know how a person would hold and shift their weight from one position to another when they're on top of someone else#Full disclosure: I'm not quite writing something I just had a planning doc evolve in to a full blown scene (as they tend to do)#and now I'm like halfway through a make-out scene at work that I can't finish but need to (for my sanity)#it's really fucked up that I have to work when I could be doing other things >.>#like writing slightly spicy yaoi#smh my head#don't mind me just screaming into the void
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Does anyone have any recommendations for easy beginner sewing projects, specifically for simple clothes? (preferably items so simple you can draft it yourself or there's a free pattern available)
I'm trying real hard to break out of my decision paralysis
#sewblr#sewing#clothes making#idk what else to tag to get sewists' attention 😭#I am currently looking at apron tutorials so i can make one for mum's christmas present#but i would like to have another lined up after this#so i dont just stop at one thing because my brain's like well ''that's enough dont need to do more''#i have mostly linen and cotton fabric so i cant really do something with stretchy fabric rn
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smacks my head against the wall
#i'm so RESTLESS lately#i can only focus on an activity for like ten minutes before i feel like i have to do something else#i need. activities.#peach hiss#sorry to anyone trying to have a conversation with me rn it's just if i read more than a sentence my brain tries to explode
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i wanna add rods and holes on the angler company robots how do i even come up with a plot to justify the design
(im just rambling please dont actually help me with this)
#idk why but i just dont wanna make them <redacted> without context#thats not the case for... other characters before tho#okay just kidding i came up with something for kayo#but i cant just yoink the same settings from him i mean the context is completely different#seriously its astoundingly easy to come up with reasons as of why kayo has a <redacted>#hes a robot. for a war. with humans. and now he has human teammates. like. omg you dont know how fucked up this can be#(also hes got omen and i dont think i need any special reason for them to <redacted>)#but the angler robots#theyre just. three robots. and. like. robots and robots. dont really have the reason to do that kind of stuff#i thought about making them “transmit data” because. you know. its a rod and a hole#but its too convoluted i want something more simple#also the designer wont just. give them a <redacted> shaped usb port right????????#why cant i shut down my brain and just sit down and consider how they <redacted> with a round body instead#like. angler bomb tester probably cant even lie on the bed due to how round they are#angler scout and angler melee tester on the other hand...#tbh. i probably need to involve someone else into the mix because i kinda treat the three robots as brothers#like. actual normal brother relationship. instead of. you know. r34 kind of relationship#so um#(kaiser: oh fuck)#wow at this point you guys are actually just watching a patient from the asylum with a phone rn wtf have i been typing#ramble
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Hi this is a vent post! Continue scrolling if you'd rather not see that
#Giving time...#Still more time...#Wouldn't want to plague any previews#Maybe another filler. Just for some fun#Is this enough?#It certainly is now#Alright start:#I'm so bored. I am so incredibly; intrinsically; entirely bored. I have been taught the same thing for four years straight#'It's only four years!' that's literally a quarter of my lifetime right there. My formative years are being spent stressed and in a state /#/of constant self-loathing#I was watching a YT video and the phrase 'attention-starved STEM major' came up and I was like. Yea#What am I even working towards? The hope that my version of capitalist hell isn't as bad as everyone else's? I'm just so sick of not /#/having a stable future what with politics and normal working people becoming more and more oppressed#I don't want to work and that's not because I'm lazy. It's because my brain is recognising that there is no reward anymore#I used to have such a little spark in Yr7. I remember having things to say and wanting to share everything I've done#I still do that now; sure I do. I don't enjoy it though#I thought I liked drawing but I'm realising that all I really like is the attention. I COULD draw things I like drawing... but then I /#/ don't get attention which my mind then classifies as zero reward#I'm very tired of doing things for no credit; reward; or validation. This is becoming a theme#Then I wonder what I'm doing wrong. What part of the algorithm am I not hitting. Then I realise that I'm just not marketable in a way#God. I'm seriously breaking rn. It's not even only because of GCSEs#It's just a culmination of doing all these things to be told that I am unworthy of Having as a result. It doesn't matter if I'm smart; my /#/ parents still don't own their house and can't afford to pay for heating most days#Literally what am I doing this for#And then I realise that all of this is ALSO attention-seeking behaviour! I'm my own worst problem; I recognise exactly what's wrong with /#/ myself but the body wants what it wants. And what it wants is validation that I'm not going to get in this life#Hi guys! Maybe don't interact. That could fix me#Wean me off of needing virtual numbers just to feel something. Jesus#I can't even be happy with the things that I make for myself. Because I make nothing for myself anymore#It's just a whole sad existence of an expected 12hr+ of school every day until I get a job I guess. Then it's 12hr+ of job every day until
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posting my gifs these days and seeing how they look and how they’re doing statistically-wise makes me think about ✨that anon✨ from a few days ago who said that my content doesn’t deserve any engagement
what if they were right in the end?
#to say that i don’t feel insecure about anything i post from Monday on would be an understatement#it’s not like i get zero notes and don’t get me wrong i’m glad people seem to still like my gifs#it’s just. something feels off and idk what it is#maybe i’m posting a bit too much and i indeed show up a lot in the jo hashtag and that’s annoying? idk#i mean i do need the validation from time to time maybe that’s why i post too much. there’s nothing else i can provide anyway#but yeah something feels very off and i’m super insecure about everything#this is probably my brain fucking with me big time rn but yeah the insecurity is here for good#anyway i’m still trying the “fake it til you make it” thing so i’ll keep posting gifs etc even if i feel weird about them#this is emma speaking
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see the reality is i post on my rps usually when nobodys been there a bit and nobody is probably online, but the mental illness in me keeps saying its bc everyone secretly hates me and i dont deserve love, and when i tell a gov doctor that, they basically just say ‘take your antidepressant’s and shut up’ which is also funny when said gov doctor wont refill my fucking antidepressants in the first place
#what i need is smthn for my anxiety and PROBABLY the obviously worsening ocd#but anxiety meds and antidepressants dont mix well#just like adhd meds and anything else dont mix well#which is why i just have a redbull if i need to focus bx it works for a few hours and then i pass out#which isnt healthy but its better than going through the diagnosis process AGAIN bc they dont have my info anymore#its early sad times rn w brina who hasnt gotten an ounce of treatment at all hi#see the other thing is#if i talk about my mental health at all#people will either hate me for being annoying which is what my brain will pinpoint#or feel sorry for me which i also dont want#all i rly wanna do is vent but thats never really an option at all#like yes i know its not normal to want to have a breakdown and cry bc your fucking pillow isnt the correct fluff and wont dluff#i know its not normal to feel like you should die because something wasnt in fhe spot you put it in and was moved slightly#im aware. and the reality is nobody who can do anything about it cares#i have to get an authorization to see a therapist or get meds at all even tho the card claims i dont have to#and the doc tbey gave me wont give me one#they dont allow email so i cant leave a paper trail when bitching at them and my calls go ignored#im losing my mind steadily#and thats not even onto the physical problems#but also the sheer fucking audacity of the website being all ‘oh just go to ERs and UC snd we’ll cover it’ vs hospitals specifically saying#‘we will refuse you if you have Gov Ins unless you have the money to pay out of pocket#if youre on gov insurance you dont have fucking money thats the entire fucking point. you creedy fucknuts go shove tour nepotism in your#fucking eyes and die if anyone doesnt deserve to fuck its you fuckfaces#sometimes i just want to scream esp when this doesnt seem to be most other ppls issues#but then i talk to other women and it is#it just doesnt make sense and i hate it#but i never rly got help on private insurance either so#tbd#depression cw
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