#and stanford dean. he's in his early 20s he's alone and lost and longing for a home he never really had

[backroadboy]

I really didn't think people would want to read canon stanford dean and cas (lie)

[whitewitchdani]

Laters, Baby: Chapter 4

Read Chapter 3 Here

Word Count: 1052

Pairing: Winchester!Sister x Lucifer

Warnings: language, angst

A/N: Chapter 4! Let me know what you think and if you’d like to be tagged!

Laters Baby Masterlist

“Well, I guess it starts right after Sam turned one. I was five and Dad was still new to hunting, but was slowly making a name for himself in the community.

“We had just settled into a new motel room for that week’s hunt. Around Chattanooga, I think? Our first day there, Dad was sitting at the table in the room researching while Sam slept and I watched some kids show on TV. A few hours later, a scream came from the room next to ours. Dad sprang into action and ran to the room next door where he found the monster he had been after attacking a young couple; ended up being Dad’s first rougarou case. The thing had already torn the husband to shreds and was going after the girl, couldn’t have been more than 20, who had a little girl in her arms. Dad killed the thing but the girl was pretty shaken up, I guess.

“He came back a couple hours later and told me that the girl and her mom were fine, but said nothing else on the matter. A few hours later we all went to bed but were woken up early in the morning by crying. We originally thought it was Sammy but he was still fast asleep. Dad opened the door to the motel room and found the little girl from before in a car seat on the doorstep. 

“Dad rubbed a hand down his face and cursed. I didn’t understand why at the time but Dad knew that woman had dumped this kid in his lap because he had helped her. 

“Attached to her was a note telling him her name and birthday, which was only a few days off from Sam’s, and that she was sorry but she just couldn’t do it without her husband. So, Dad made a choice. He decided to keep the baby and instead of dealing with the whole ‘adopted but not really’ thing, went with the story that she was Sam’s twin. Made me promise to go along with it and keep the truth a secret. 

“So, I did. I did what Dad ordered me to do. I’m sorry guys, I know I should’ve told you the truth but just because you aren’t blood Y/N doesn’t mean you aren’t our sister. And you are still Sammy’s twin. Hell, I think there are some real twins that don’t look more alike or are more similar. You guys have a bond no one can touch and this won’t change that. Be pissed at me all you want Y/N but you are Sam’s twin, my little sister, and a Winchester. Nothing will ever change that and I will always do whatever it takes to keep you safe.”

The tears were streaming down your face in full force now, “So, you’re telling me, I’m just some kid whose mom didn’t want her and was dropped off on the nearest motel doorstep? I don’t understand. Why? Why did Dad keep me? He already had you and Sam to take care of, and Dean you basically did that anyways. Why?”

Dean sighed and ran a hand down his face, “I asked him that same question when I was about 18. I thought he should tell you the truth and I told him so but he stood his ground. You and Sam were both sitting on the hood of the Impala outside of the room reading, like nerds, and he just looked at you. I’ll never forget what he said to me that day...”

“Dad, you need to tell Y/N the truth. She’s going to find out one day and if she doesn’t hear it from you it’s going to devastate her. I don’t understand. Why keep another kid? And why lie about her being Sam’s twin?”

John looked out the motel window at his two youngest children and sighed, “Dean, I know you lost your mom when you were young, but at least you know she loved you. Y/N, her mom literally left her on a stranger’s doorstep and didn’t care whether I kept her or not. She didn’t care what happened to her. I had a choice to make that day: keep her and make her a Winchester, or take her to the police station and watch her get put into the system. She needed a family and honestly? I think we needed her too. And as for her being Sam’s twin, her birthday is only three days off. Hell, they look so much alike it’s scary that they actually aren’t. I know taking her in put a lot on your shoulders Dean, and for that I’m sorry. We can’t tell her the truth. Not yet. If she takes off when she finds out she needs to be trained fully. She may not be a Winchester by blood, but she’s still a Winchester and monsters would be all over her. I can’t let that happen. Not to my daughter.”

“Dad was going to tell you soon after you turned 18 but you and Sammy had hightailed it for Stanford. He didn’t tell you to keep you safe. He loved you Y/N. Hell, sometimes I think he liked you more than he liked me and Sammy.” Dean said with a chuckle.

You didn’t say anything. You just sat back down at the table and rubbed a hand over your face. This was too much. You squeezed the bridge of your nose. If Lucifer wasn’t your stupid soulmate, you wouldn’t have had to figure out that Dean and Sam aren’t actually your stupid brothers, and your whole stupid life wouldn’t currently be in shambles. 

“Y/N, are you alright?” Castiel looked at you with a concerned look on his face.

“Um, no, not really. I think I’m gonna take a walk, clear my head.” You got up and pulled on your flannel and boots, heading for the door but Sam blocked your way. “Move Sam.”

“Y/N talk to me. I know you’re upset but you really shouldn’t go out there alone right now.”

“Sam, I don’t want to talk. Right now, I don’t even know what I would say. I- I need to wrap my head around all of this and try to make sense of everything. I won’t be gone long. I’ll be fine.” 

I’ll be fine. Famous last words, right?

Read Chapter 5 Here

Tag List:

@lovesamwinchester​ @tomhiddleston-is-mischief​

[thecleverdame]

Control and Release - 18

Series Masterlist

TEDTalk!Sam x Reader

Summary: With the rest of the staff caught in a snowstorm, you find yourself acting as a personal assistant to the notorious Sam Winchester.

Warnings: Dom/Sub, humiliation, embarrassment, sexual objectification, mutual masturbation, spanking, cum play, fingering, anal play, orgasm control, nipple clamps, dub-con, breath play. 

Beta: @ilikaicalie

Words: 3k

Parts 19, 20 & 21 are currently available on Patreon for a monthly pledge of $2.50. This includes early access to all my stories and Patreon exclusive content.  >> CLICK HERE <<

-

Sam has always had a tendency to fixate on things.

As a kid, it was easier to hide. His teachers called him “special,” sometimes “gifted.” But really it was an all-consuming voracity to understand everything on any given topic.

When he was in sixth grade one of his teachers assigned him a report on ancient Greece. It was supposed to be a two-pager, easy peasy, something Sam could do in his sleep, but he got an F because he never handed it in. Not that it mattered. Two weeks later they were back on the road. He spent a month in the back of the Impala, reading by flashlight. He checked out copies of The Iliad and The Histories of Herodotus, only to drop them off at the next town’s library and pick up a copy of The Republic. By the time he was done, when he finally felt he had a grasp on the inner workings of the culture and the people of Greece, it was nearly a year later and the paper was long forgotten.

He knew he wanted to go to college and he knew where: Stanford. His future was in California and he could feel it. He had a plan. All he needed was to get good enough grades, he could fake the rest. The morning he left the motel where his dad and brother were sleeping, he honestly thought he’d never see them again. The guilt was real as he walked down the road, sticking out his thumb to every car that passed. It was an uneasy feeling that took residence in his gut and stayed there a long time.

That feeling lingered all through freshman orientation and well into his first semester. But then he met Jess and he found a new thing to put all his focus on. His family was fucked, he knew that without a doubt. But she was his chance to be normal, to be happy. No more monsters hiding in the dark; no more made up stories about the big bad to justify all the crazy his dad spouted day in and day out. No, Jess was all the good stuff in life. She was gentle and thoughtful and way too sexy to be with tall, skinny Sam. But inexplicably she loved him and he felt like he’d won the lottery every day.

Jess became the focus which seemed to help with his studies. She was everything and school was second which made things manageable for him. Against all logic, his girlfriend didn’t distract him, she allowed his brain to focus a normal amount, to move on instead of getting stuck on the details and needing days of research to answer every niggling question. Jess balanced Sam and he never took her for granted. 

When she died Sam thought he might die too. He’d never been in love before. Yeah, his dad and Dean were family and they loved him the way you love the people you also hate. But with Jess he’d been in love, ready to create his own family, to fulfill what he truly wanted in life, a normal job and a person to hold at night. Just when he finally believed the universe wasn’t so shitty, fate stepped in.

Dean came begging for him to join him on one last trip. Dad was MIA and Sam was powerless to say no. Dean needed their father in a way Sam never had. It was just a couple of days, he’d be back before anyone missed him and life would move on.

The police have maintained since the beginning that Dean killed Jess. They theorized that he stabbed her and then set the apartment on fire to cover up the evidence. For years Sam was so angry he let himself believe it. The anger would bubble up from his stomach, get caught in his throat and he’d think about how much he wished he could kill Dean.

So Sam did what Sam did best: he focused. After moving to the east coast he threw himself into law school. He lost himself in books and cases and facts. Anything but people.

Dean found him a couple of years later, showed up right after Sam graduated from Harvard Law. His brother told him how proud he was of his geeky little bro and that dad would have come but you know how he is.  

“Shouldn’t you be drunk or something?” Dean chirped good naturedly as Sam stared at him in the living room of his studio loft. “Celebrating with the rest of the class? Havard fucking Law School, goddamn Sammy.”

“Don’t call me Sammy,” Sam snapped back, folding his arms over his chest. He used to feel so much but as he stared at Dean all he felt was empty. “Why are you here?”

“Because,” Dean tilted his head, looking at Sam as if his brother should have already understood. “This is a pretty big deal. I’m proud of you.”

Sam stared at him in silence, both of them flinching as a car backfired outside.

“Did you do it?” Sam asked the question he’d wanted to ask for a long time. It didn't hurt to think about her anymore. Jess was just a concept now, an idea of what could be taken away if you let yourself care. It happened to his father, his mother died and his dad went batshit crazy. Sam understood now, letting people in was just setting yourself up for pain and misery. It wasn’t worth it.

“Are you really asking me if I killed your girlfriend?” Dean laughed, smile fading as he realized Sam was serious. This tall, beefed-up version of his brother wasn’t the wide-eyed, big-hearted kid he grew up with. “No, I didn’t kill her.”

“Good,” Sam nodded. “Was it dad?”

“Jesus Christ,” Dean had had enough. “You think he’d do that? Why?”

“To prove a point. To get me to come back.” Sam dropped his backpack onto the table. “You should go, I have a lot of work to do.”

“You graduated three hours ago.” Dean watched Sam, realizing the extent of the damage. This Sam wasn’t his Sam at all, not anymore. “You got work to do?”

“I have to find a job, Dean. I have goals.” Sam waved his head. “Please don’t come back. This can be goodbye.”

“You mean that?” Dean asked, lips pursed trying to suss out if this was an act, but it wasn’t.

“Fuck, Dean,” Sam turned, arms spread wide with desperation. “Just leave me alone. I want you and dad to stay out of my life.”

“I hear ya,” Dean looked at Sam one final time before walking out.

In hindsight Sam’s not sure what he believes truly happened all those years ago. His dad might have killed Jess, maybe to teach Sam a lesson about family and leaving. Maybe he was delusional, maybe he thought she was one of his demons. Who knows. Maybe it was Dean after all, the old man did a real number on his brother. Dean was, and is, a true believer, he always has been.

From that moment, Sam worked. He put in eighty-hour weeks, he took chances and he built an empire. With success, isolation came hand in hand. The more money and power he gained the more he saw the worst in people. Everyone wanted something from him. It was easy to become the infamous Sam Winchester he is today.

And then you walked into his hotel room.

He’s always been able to read people, a talent that’s served him well through the years. So when you looked at him that first time, pupils widening, that nervous swallow you still get when you’re excited, he knew you saw him.

For most people, the initial attraction to him is the celebrity of his success. He’s in an elite group of powerful men recognizable by the general public, which has always made him uncomfortable. Strangers in the street do a double-take, trying to figure out how they know him. Sometimes he can hear the whispers as a wife leans toward her husband.

“Tim Cook? No, but he’s someone, I know I’ve seen him before!”

But when you reacted to him, and he saw that pulse of excitement in you, there was nothing else but raw attraction that you didn’t even understand yourself. You didn’t want him, or his attention, in fact, you would have faded quietly into the background if he’d have let you. Something about that appealed to him.

For a long time, it was just sex. He meant what he said. He had needs and you were beautiful with that tight little ass. And to top it off you got wet every time he so much as raised his voice. It was just sex and then one day it wasn’t. It was something more, a small, excited feeling that he hated and denied.

There were two others before you. One woman he paid, the other wanted more from him. Neither of them sparked anything inside him.

But you did.

You asked questions, personal things that no one had dared ask in a long time. You touched him, held him after you came like you already knew he cared for you. The way you rested your head on his shoulder and your arms wrapped around him, dug up old feelings.

Sam hated those feelings with a passion. He still does.

Part of him wishes he’d never confessed them to you. He should have saved you from Brent and sent you on your way.

He’s not good for anyone, he’s a slow working poison. His cold, dead heart will leak its toxin like arsenic until one day you’ll be just as numb as he is. He’ll break you. And you’ll hate him for it, that much he knows for certain.

-

“She’s been like that for hours,” Sam explains, pacing back and forth in front of the bedroom door. “She can’t get warm.”

You woke up like this, shivering uncontrollably.

“Look at me,” the doctor shines a light in one eye, then the other. “Are you having any auditory symptoms? Sounds that shouldn’t be there?”

“There’s, um,” you pause, closing your eyes and honing in on the sound. “A ringing. It’s distant but constant. It started a few hours ago.”

“Take a deep breath,” he instructs, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. “What you’re feeling is normal. Everyone reacts differently and after what you went through it would be strange if you weren’t experiencing any repercussions.”

“What do we do?” Sam moves to stand behind him, crossing his arms over his chest as he stares down at you. If you didn't know better you’d think he was pissed.

“Well, I can prescribe something for the panic attacks, but what she really needs is a support system and time. She should see a therapist and it should happen soon. Tomorrow at the latest. It’s vital to involve a professional as soon as possible. Will you be staying with her?”

“Yes,” Sam nods, his eyes shifting from you to the doctor.

“Good,” he turns back to you. “You may start to feel more acute feelings of loneliness and isolation. It’s normal, but you shouldn’t give in to those tendencies. You need to talk, to be around people. And I meant what I said, seek professional psychiatric help. It doesn’t make you strong to try and handle this on your own. It only makes you foolish.”

-

Sam settles next to you on the couch as a half dozen men and women mill around his living room. A tech sets up audio recording while another focuses a video camera on the two of you.

“I’m agent Ashburn with Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. This is Agent Murtaugh with the FBI. We’re a joint task force and we want to make this as easy as possible. Hopefully, we won’t need to speak with you a second time.” She offers a practiced smile, shifting her gaze to Sam. “We’ll probably need you for follow up. More than one I’d guess.”

“I understand,” Sam nods, crossing one leg over his knee, his arm extending over the back of the couch behind your head. “Do you know how many people were injured?”

“As of right now we’re looking at nineteen injuries and seven fatalities.” Murtaugh leans forward, both arms resting on his knees. “It would have been a lot worse if you hadn’t gotten to him.”

You shift in your seat, looking down at your hands. You want to ask about Max and Tim, but at the same time, you’re afraid of the answer.

“Did you see a doctor, Y/N? We have a lot of resources available.” Ashburn reaches out, tapping the coffee table gently.

“Yeah,” you look at her, feeling your heart speed up. You’ve been fighting these random panic attacks all morning and the medication only helps a little.

“We had someone come over this morning,” Sam elaborates, a hand squeezing your shoulder. “She’ll be fine.”

“Just to clarify,” Murtaugh gestures with the end of his pen between you and Sam. “What exactly is the nature of your relationship?”

That question is so complicated you don’t even know how to begin thinking about an answer but Sam picks up the slack without skipping a beat.

“Romantic,” Sam states simply.

“Right, okay.” Agent Ashburn scans through her notes, looking up to Sam. “We’re allowing you to stay with her, but these questions are for Y/N. I need her to answer, no interruptions.”

“I understand,” Sam confirms and you close your eyes for a moment, trying to focus.

“Prior to him being let go, did Brent ever say or do anything that you found odd or aggressive?”

“No, he was nice. A lot of the junior associates are assholes, sorry, jerks, but we all liked Brent.” You think back scanning your interactions with him. It’s all true, he seemed like one of the good ones.

“Would you say you were friends?”

“No. I mean, he was a work friend, but we’re not close. I said “hi” to him every morning for six months. We talked a couple of times a week. He was more than an acquaintance, less than a friend.” You look from the agents to Sam. You want to give them the right answer, to help. “I’m sorry, I’m trying, I just-”

“You’re doing great,” Sam gives you another squeeze, his voice more gentle and encouraging than you’ve ever heard him before. It’s almost unsettling.

“Yes, you are,” Murtaugh jumps in. “You’re doing what helps us most. Just talk, don’t overthink the answer. Sometimes we get the details we need when people don’t even realize it.”

“Okay.”

“Did you ever spend any time with him outside of work.”

“A few times,” you shrug. “On Wednesdays everyone goes to the bar, he went a few times. I never really talked to him though.”

“How about after he was fired? Did you have any contact?”

“Yes, I texted him. I can show you if you want.” You reach for your cell phone and Sam picks it up from the side table and hands it to you. Pulling up the text you read it out loud. “It was the only time I ever texted him. I just said We’re all so sorry about what happened. Hope you still show up for drinks.”

“He never responded?”

“No,” you hand Ashburn your phone and she reads it.

“We’ll need to keep this,” she explains, handing it off to a tech who drops it into a plastic bag. You shift towards Sam, looking down at your hands. “Is something wrong?”

“It’s just, ummm, Sam and I text sometimes. There are private messages...photos.” You can feel the heat in your cheeks.

“Well, I won’t lie. Our techs will comb through everything but we’re only interested in your correspondence with Brent.”

“God,” you sigh, trying to remain calm. You should have deleted the thread between you and Keith Campbell, some of the things on there would make Ron Jeremy blush.

“Don’t worry, they’ve seen it all.” Ashburn winks, trying to keep things light-hearted and you want to sink into the couch. “I have to ask. We’re unclear on Brent’s plan. We’re not sure if he was targeting specific people, or if it was random. We know he was upset with Sam, do you feel that he may have focused on you because of your relationship with Sam?”

“No,” you sigh, the very thought is unnerving. “No one knows about us.”

“I see.” Both agents ask question after question, right down to the mundane details of your breakfast that morning, and then they go through them again. It’s almost three by the time they’re done with you. Retreating into the bedroom you turn on the TV while Sam begins his interview. You doubt you gave them anything, any insight, but Sam might. You don’t know the details of his termination, it's possible he holds all the answers.

[poorreputation]

SPN 1X01 Pilot Retrospective Meta

Tag list for old episodes meta! (let me know if you wanna be tagged):

@emblue-sparks @metafest @verobatto-angelxhunter @evvvissticante @dea-stiel @sudo-apt-get-destiel @wildligia (tumbler’s not letting me tag you, sorry)

Pre re-watch notes/things to touch on:

Comparing the Woman in White to John, Sam and Mary/hindsight notes.

S1 motivations vs. S14/15 endgame.

Episode Notes:

Written by: Eric Kripke

Directed by: David Nutter

A long post, so I will put it behind the cut.

Lawrence, Kansas

22 years ago

We begin our tale with Mary bringing Dean into Sam's nursery to say goodnight. John enters the room, and in a nice bit of short-hand, he's wearing a USMC (United States Marine Corps) shirt, showing John was a soldier.

There's a shot of Mary and John in a picture. We already know they're married, so why is it here?

Mary thinks it's John in the nursery, only to find him asleep in the living room in front of the TV. (again, a connection to John's past, he's fallen asleep watching a war movie)

Something that'll become a continuity issue, later in the show: Mary's many years of experience being a Hunter, only to not recognize the flickering of lights as a sign of trouble.

Of course, Mary's wearing a white gown, (white is usually seen as a pure color/ of purity, but in this instance a connection to the Woman in White/see Jess later)

Mary's dead, and everyone involved is scarred for life.

The look on John's face, as we finish the Lawrence sequence, is that of a broken man, who's seen something that will eat away at his mind.

Stanford University Present Day (2005)

Okay, the first image we see of Jess is her in a nurse's costume, white with red trimming. Jess also has medium length curly blond hair. Guys, she looks like Mary, especially in Mary's death scene (white gown, covered in blood). 

We focus in on the picture of Mary and John for visual shorthand, confirming this is a grown-up Sam.

We establish Sam is "scary" smart, has aspirations of becoming a lawyer, and has a job interview on Monday.

Jess: "Knock 'em dead on Monday." laying it on thick, Kripke.

Sam: "What would I do without you?"

Jess: "Crash and burn."

*smooch*

Damn you, Kripke.

Night scene, and holy shit, why do Sam and Jess have so many plants? Why doesn't future Sam have plants in the bunker, you know, something low maintenance?

Dean, why the fuck can't you use the door? Or a phone?

From the get-go, Dean's cocky, suffers from eldest sibling syndrome, and is a shameless horn-dog.

Sam: "He's on a Miller time shift." See, when I first watched the pilot, years ago, I didn't realize this was Sam implying John was a drunk. These things would just fly over my head.

Sam wants to make a point of including Jess in the conversation, of being honest. And yet, the moment Dean says John is on a hunt and hasn't returned, that honesty goes right out the window. More on that later.

Sam and Dean's exposition dump in the hallway, a part of me feels it's an odd way to catch the audience up to speed, while the other part of me knows this is how families argue when they spend most of their time biting their tongues. Sam especially seems the type to mull over his thoughts, storing away comebacks for the perfect moment when they'll be most effective (like later in the episode). Also, it's been years since the brothers have seen each other (we're told later it's been at least 2 years since Dean bothered Sam), they're so icy towards one another.

Sam: "You think Mom would've wanted this for us?" we'd find this out later in S4, but, no. Funny enough, maybe if Mary shared her knowledge of Hunting, something more could've been done (foreshadowing).

Dean: "What're you gonna do? Just live some normal, apple pie life?" Dean, if you'd only taken your own advice, we could've avoided S6.

Sam, paraphrasing John: "If you're gonna go, stay gone." Well, that's only very emotionally manipulative.It does, however, remind me of the U.S. military’s views on those dishonorably discharged, and since John raised them as "warriors", it's not a stretch to think, in a time of crisis, John treated his sons as soldiers.

Dean: "I can't do this alone."

Sam: "Yes, you can."

Dean: "Yeah, well, I don't want to."

This exchange, this vulnerability from Dean, after his initial introduction of being a cocky asshole who hits on his brother's girlfriend, shows just how much of a facade Dean's attitude is. In the end, he's a kid scared of losing his Dad.

It's this vulnerability that convinces Sam to listen.

Come the fuck on, "I can never go home." after we establish Sam left John and Dean, left Hunting behind, and was told to never come back (home). KRIPKE. YOU'RE *not* SUBTLE.

2 years, Dean says, since they last talked. Either Sam entered college late, (20 rather than 18) or Sam and Dean kept in touch even after Sam and John's blow-out fight.

Again, Jess pries for more info, and Sam changes the subject. Nope, that’s not gonna bite him in the ass, at all.

Jericho, California

(insert biblical/wrestling reference here)

We meet monster fodder, I mean, some random dude, who tells his girlfriend Amy over the phone he can't see her that night. He slows down to a stop and picks up the Woman in White.

Anyway, another example of a young woman with curly, medium length hair in a white gown/dress. I mean, her house even looks a bit like John and Mary's old place.

We get a brief, blurry shot of the Woman in White and her kids. Sorry, but if you're familiar with the legend of her/La Llorona, it's easy to see where this is going.

Oh, and whatshisface is dead.

Chips and soda. Breakfast of champions.

Sam's being a real sassy bitch about how Dean and John get their funds. I get it, world-building for the audience, bit it shows just how passive aggressive Sam is in these early seasons; Dean's clearly playing moderator between Sam and an absent John.

Sam: "Black Sabbath, Motorhead, Metalica? It's the greatest hits of mullet rock." Sam, it's not Dean's fault you have poor taste. Shut your cakehole.

Sam: "Sammy's a chubby 12 year old." or, it's what a big brother says to his infant sibling to calm him down, oh wait.

Monster bait's name is Troy. Yeah, I don't care.

Dean sassing the officer and Sam stomping Dean's foot. Yep, they're brothers. This interaction is where their chemistry really starts to shine through.

Amy and her friend are peak mid-2000's goths/emos, good lord.

Dean's "I told you so" smart-ass look as the friend shares the rumors in town, he's such an older sibling.

They... they never tell Amy what happened to her asshole boyfriend, huh? Well. Sucks for Amy.

Researching on a public library computer, fucking hell. (nothing wrong with that, I’ve worked in a public library, but they’re doing super-secret Hunter’s stuff in such a public place)

Have it paused on a photo of Constance Welch, the Woman in White, and the article mentions her husband's exact line of work; associate manager who works the graveyard shift at Frontier auto salvage. Gives me shades of Bobby, who also lost his wife under tragic circumstances.

A mother leaves her child unattended, comes back to check on them, tragedy strikes. Or, so the story goes.

Dean confronts Sam about living a life of willful ignorance, and even asks if Jess knows the truth. Sam makes it clear she doesn't and he intends it to stay that way, as Dean sarcastically quips, "That's healthy".

Really, the more I think about it, the more S6 feels like the inverse of S1; Dean tries to live a normal life, Sam comes stomping in to rain on his parade. Lisa is kept largely in the dark about Dean's past, and gets hurt because of it.

Dean: "You can pretend all you want, Sammy, but sooner or later, you're gonna have to face up to who you are."

Sam: "And who's that?"

Dean: "One of us."

Sam: "No. I'm not like you. This is not going to be my life."

Sam thinks Dean's just talking about Hunting, but Dean means more than that, he means family. One of us, Dad and me, a Hunter and a Winchester.

Sam: "Mom's not coming back." and so on about how he doesn’t even remember Mary, doesn’t share John’s obsession. 

Dean: "No chick flick moments." Dean, dude, bro, you're the one who started this by breaking into Sam's place like a dramatic bitch, and then proceeded to give life/relationship advice. It's already a chick flick.

John's room being covered head-to-toe in case notes, only to come to the obvious conclusion it's the Woman in White. But, Sam said, because of the salt line, John was worried. Now, as far as I can remember, John was never a target of this spirit, so, I think he was paranoid about Yellow Eyes. After all, John had notes on devils/demons up, too, so maybe. I could be wrong.

There's something amusing about Sam and Dean's first duo Hunt, one without John, includes one of them getting arrested. Just, how rare that happens in the rest of the show, compared to how many laws they break daily.

Sam talks to Joseph Welch, who seems to wear the same clothes as Bobby. Also, Sam looks like a giant standing next to him.

Joseph lies to Sam's face about his and Constance's marriage, and it takes Sam a moment to work up the nerve to call him out on it. Or, it's Sam losing his temper. They're dealing with a murderous ghost, after all, and this guy wants to hide the truth.

Sam's done with lying witnesses, and now he's making fake calls to the cops. Gloves are OFF.

So, it's revealed John's purposefully leaving Sam and Dean clues, the journal, and the coordinates, but won't outright tell the truth.

Sam: "I'm not unfaithful. I've never been." See, Sam, that's only in the cheating department. You are, however, keeping Jess in the dark about dangerous stuff. Can any relationship with such big lies every be a faithful one?

Again, the imagery of the flickering lights. A standard in the show later for when a ghost's around, but considering all the visual parallels between the Woman in White and Mary, I think it's intentional.

That CGI of the ghosts vanishing was kinda shit, though. So is the sound of water swirling down a drain, I'm now just thinking of a toilet.

Dean: "I'll take you home." and there, in an episode where the ghost is afraid to go home and face the consequences of their actions, Sam too must go back to Jess.

Sam discovering Jess' body on the ceiling, as the room's engulfed in flames, never fails to give me chills. Hot damn.

Post Episode Notes:

While the pilot is a treasure trove of world building, plotting of character arcs, and chemistry between Jared and Jensen, it still doesn't make up for the fact it's bookended with 2 women getting fridged. Mary and Jess don't get to be characters, only fuel for man-pain, and argue with me all you want, but Mary's send-off in S14 is far superior to what she got in the pilot.

I remember seeing Kripke discuss how many drafts they went through while writing the pilot, and it feels like that at quite a few points. Like maybe the sheriff was to get more time, or Troy's father, who I believe is a cop, would've been more vital to the plot. And Amy, who'll spend who knows how many weeks and months putting up missing person posters for Troy.

I believe Kripke also said they'd considered killing John at the end, rather than Jess. I think, and this is pure speculation, the more they went into the lore for the Woman in White, the more they knew Jess had to die. I don't like it, wish they could've done it different, but it fits the story they wanted to tell.

The Woman in White, John, Mary and Sam, in hindsight

It's a retcon from S4, but if Mary was honest with John about her past as a Hunter, maybe they'd have a better chance with fighting Azazel. It's tragically paralleled to Sam not telling Jess about his own past, which may have prevented her death. And while you could say Heaven and Hell would still have their way, and shape Sam and Dean the way they want to, I'd like to think, given the chance, free will could prevail, And, look at how often keeping secrets is framed as one of the worst things the characters could do to each other?

Additionally, if John had been honest with Sam and Dean about what he wanted them to do, and what kind of danger they were really in, maybe Sam wouldn't have left Jess alone.

Thank you for reading this monstrosity of a meta, I hope you enjoyed/found it interesting!

[the-curse-of-fantasy]

Waiting

Dean was sat at the table with his legs elevated and his eyes glued to the door while his thumb was tapping the wooden table while Sam was pacing behind him as they were both waiting for Bailey to get back to the motel.

Dean-”I don’t get it. Why would she just take off?”

The anger was visible in Dean’s voice as his jaw clenched and his body tensed. 

Sam-”Well... Dean, you did say--”

Dean-”I know what I said, alright? I get it”

Dean sighed as Sam put his hands in his pockets and leant against the motel wall. 

Dean-”It doesn’t mean she has to take off all of a sudden. She could have at least told us where she was going”

Sam-”Look, she’s probably at a bar drinking away her pain. She’ll be fine”

Dean-”She’s not at a bar”

Sam-”How do you know?”

Dean looked at Sam over his shoulder. 

Dean-”Because I know the girl, Sam. If she went to a bar she wouldn't have taken her things, her journal would have been with her, and it’s not”

Dean held up the leather covered journal and waved it slightly before tossing it back onto the table. 

Dean-”She would have taken my car, that’s still parked outside and she wouldn’t be out for more than two hours”

Sam-”How long has she been out for?”

Dean took a glance at his watch then put his eyes back on the door. 

Dean-”Four”

Sam-”She’ll be fine. She can handle herself. She’s a good fighter--”

Dean-”I know she’s a good fighter, Sammy. She’s better than both of us combined but I still worry about her”

Sam-”Well, you seem to be attacking her neck right now”

Dean stopped tapping his thumb on the table as he glanced to the side of him. 

Sam-”I mean, the only thing you said to her was sarcastic remarks, insults or simply nothing. What’s going on?”

Dean-”Nothing. The only thing that matters is that she gets back safe”

Sam-”And now you act nice”

Dean stood up and looked at Sam. 

Dean-”She’s family, Sam. I’ve known that girl since I was four years old. She was my best friend and then...--”

He hesitated as he remembered the night Bailey left to go to college at Stanford. 

Sam-”And then what?”

Dean gently shook his head as tears brimmed his eyes.

Dean-”Nothing. Nothing”

He ran his hand over his face. 

Sam-”What happened between you two?”

Dean swallowed a small lump in his throat as he looked at the door then back at Sam. Sam furrowed his eyebrows slightly. 

Dean-”To put it the easy way... Bailey and I dated in high school then I lost her. That’s it. End of story”

Sam-”You and Bailey dated in high school? Why didn’t I know?”

Dean-”Dad didn’t exactly get along with Steven-- Bailey’s Dad-- He didn’t like the Colemans in general so we had to lay low, and we did. But Bailey had to leave early because Steven got a job up in Colorado and I hated it. I didn’t want her to leave. So, instead of telling her how I felt, I took my anger out on her... I punched her, she didn’t punch me back. She just got in the car and left. I didn’t see her again until recently in Illinois and when I saw her... it’s like all that anger and aggression came back--”

Sam-”You loved her”

Dean-”Sam...”

Dean gave Sam a glare and Sam smiled slightly, realising what Dean was trying to hide. 

Sam-”Oh, you still love her”

The door swung open and they both looked towards it and saw Bailey walk in. Her knuckles cut up and bruised, a cut on her lip and blood on her cheekbone from a closed wound, she also had a bruise forming on her forehead. 

Dean-”Where have you been?”

Bailey-”Why do you care? Your the one that wanted me gone, remember”

Bailey shrugged her jacket off and blood was staining her shoulder from either a bullet wound or a stab wound. 

Sam-”What happened?”

Bailey-”I went up into space and fought a space monkey that was riding a chicken. What does it look like happened?”

She ran her hand through her hair and started emptying her pockets of other peoples wallets. 

Sam-”They’re not yours”

Bailey-”Bravo, Sammy”

Dean-”You could have gotten yourself killed”

Bailey-”But I didn’t”

Bailey smiled to herself sarcastically and started heading to the bathroom but Dean followed. 

Dean-”Don’t walk away from me”

He grabbed her arm and pulled her around. 

Bailey-”Fine, Dean. Talk! Go on. Tell me how stupid I am for going out this late. Tell me how reckless I am for not answering my phone when you and Sam called. Tell me how pathetic I am for walking out and getting myself beaten. Tell me how much of a bitch I am for being me. I’ve heard it all from my father”

Dean-”Something could have been after you. You wouldn’t have been prepared. You could have died!”

Bailey-”I’m here aren’t I? I’m alive. I’m talking, I’m breathing, I’m walking. What’s the problem?!”

Dean-”The problem is you! You are too reckless. You don’t care about anything. The only thing you care about is yourself. Your a selfish bastard!”

Bailey-”Is that what you think?”

Dean-”Yes it is”

Bailey-”Well. Then this selfish bastard is leaving”

Dean-”Where are you going to go, Bailey? You haven’t got a car. You’ve got no way of transport--”

Bailey-”I’ll hitch-hike. Or I sell my body”

Dean-”Your really going to go that low?”

Bailey-”Oh, you wouldn’t care. I’m just a selfish bastard. A pity mistake!”

Dean’s eyes softened slightly. 

Bailey-”You know it’s true, Dean. You said it yourself all those years ago. I will never forget the way you made me fell. You made me feel like crap! I didn’t want to live with it.”

Sam-”Dean...”

Sam looked at Dean as Bailey and him stared into each others eyes with their jaws clenched. Dean backed up and turned around to walk to Sam. 

Dean-”This is why I was glad you left in the first place. You deserved it”

Bailey darted for Dean and grabbed his jacket and pushed him up against the wall with a great amount of force. Dean held his head high but kept his jaw clenched as Bailey’s eyes burned into his. 

Dean-”You would say so yourself, Bailey. You know every insult I’ve ever thrown... you’ve deserved”

Bailey-”Shut up”

Dean-”Make me”

Bailey tightened her grip on his jacket. 

Sam-”Guys, come on!”

Bailey looked at Sam over her shoulder then looked back at Dean. She let go of him and took a step back but surprised him with a punch to the nose. He fell to the floor with water in his eyes and his hand on his nose. Bailey put her hand on her shoulder as she winced in pain. 

Bailey-”Everything I’ve done... I did it for you. I did it to protect you. You selfish piece of crap”

Dean-”Guess we’re a lot more alike than we thought”

Bailey-”I am nothing like you”

Dean chuckled but Bailey punched him again which knocked him out. She went to the bathroom to patch herself up and treat her wounds while Sam lied Dean on a bed and wiped away the blood that escaped his nose. 

Bailey walked out of the bathroom and saw Dean unconscious on the bed and Sam sat at his laptop doing research. Sam looked at her and she quickly looked away and started packing her things into the bags. 

Sam-”Your taking off?”

Bailey-”It’s probably for the best”

Sam-”I beg to differ”

Bailey looked at Sam. 

Bailey-”All we do is fight. I get shouted at and I fell like I’m with my father again. It sucks”

Sam-”Maybe you should try and talk it out. Hear what he has to say”

Bailey-”It’s going to end up in an argument again. Besides, I’ve got to be in Oklahoma by sun set tomorrow. I’ve got a friend up there that needs help”

Sam-”Then spend the last few hours of your day fixing things”

Through the night, Bailey thought about what Sam said. Sam was asleep on his bed, Dean was starting to stir on his and Bailey was sat at the table with empty beer bottles in front of her. Dean woke up and looked around. 

Bailey-”Rise and shine, sweetheart”

Dean-”Your not gone?”

Bailey-”I know. Surprising”

Bailey stood up and grabbed a bottle of water and gave it to Dean. He hesitantly took it from her grip and she sat opposite him on the end of Sam’s bed. 

Dean-”Thanks”

Bailey smiled slightly with a roll of the eyes. 

Dean-”Why haven’t you left? I thought you were taking off”

Bailey-”I am. I’m taking off tomorrow. Got something up in Oklahoma I’ve got to take care off. But, I spoke to Sam, he told me to talk things out... and as much as I hate to admit it, I think he’s right. We’ve been going to each others throats for over 10 years now. I’m tired of it”

Dean-”Yeah, me too. Look, when you had to leave school because Steven got a gig in Colorado, I was scared to be alone. You... You were the only person to really understand me... talk to me”

Bailey-”Then why didn’t you say. I’ve got a scar because of you, you know?”

Dean-”I didn’t want you to think that I was being a wuss... relationships with either of us... they don’t really work. With the job we have, we’re always a kind of kiss ‘em and leave ‘em”

Bailey-”Yeah. But, you could have called me”

Dean-”I did. I called a thousand times. You never answered. It always went to voicemail”

Bailey furrowed her eyebrows slightly and stood up. She walked towards the table and grabbed Dean’s car keys from his jacket pocket. 

Bailey-”You coming?”

Dean-”In my car?”

Bailey-”It’s the only car we have”

Dean sighed but stood up. Bailey grabbed her jacket and Dean followed her out of the motel and to his car. 

Dean-”You better keep both hands on the wheel. I swear, if there's a scratch on her then I will kill you”

Bailey smiled and they both in the car. Bailey started driving as Dean just took in the night sky. 

Bailey-”Look, Dean, I’m sorry... That I punched you”

Dean-”I deserved it”

Bailey-”You deserve a lot of things”

Dean-”Yeah, so do you”

They both smiled slightly. After 20 minutes Bailey parked the car by a lake and they each lied down on one of the seats. Dean in the back and Bailey in the front. 

Bailey-”Dean?”

He hummed and looked at Bailey. 

Bailey-”Do you ever think about... us? You know, being a couple again?”

Dean kept his eyes on Bailey, trying to read her so he didn’t get rejected. 

Dean-”All the time”

Bailey-”Then why aren’t we?”

They both thought for a second. 

Dean-”Because if anything ever happened to you on a hunt, I would never be able to forgive myself”

Bailey-”Are you kidding?”

Dean-”What?”

Bailey-”I have been purposely messing up on hunts because I hoped you would come along and save my ass. I’ve been trying to get your attention since we were in Illinois, Dean”

Dean-”Are you drunk?”

Bailey-”Sober like a judge”

They were silent for a few minutes. The silence wasn’t awkward but it was calming and comfortable.

Dean-”You know, I never realised how strong you were”

Bailey silently giggled. 

Bailey-”It was the adrenaline, I’m probably as strong as kitten”

Dean-”They’ve got sharp claws, you know?”

They both chuckled to themselves. Dean watched her laugh and admired her smile. 

In the morning, Dean drove to the motel while Bailey got some sleep and when Bailey woke up, she packed her things, hotwired a car in the car park and put her things in the back of the car. 

The engine revved and Bailey chuckled to herself. She got out of the car and put her thing in the back seats. 

Sam-”I’m sad to see you go”

Bailey-”I’m not”

Sam smiled and Bailey smiled to herself. 

Bailey-”Keep in touch, yeah?”

Sam-”Yeah, you too”

They both nodded and Dean walked over to them. Sam gave Dean and Bailey glances then walked over to the Impala. 

Dean-”Are you really taking off?”

Bailey-”I didn’t hotwire a car for nothing. Yeah, I’m really taking off. I’ve got things to do, places to be, creatures to kill. I’m a busy women”

Dean smiled slightly and looked at the floor then back at Bailey. 

Dean-”Call me when you get there, okay?”

Bailey-”Yes, sir”

Bailey nodded slightly. 

Dean-”Be careful”

Bailey-”You too. Look after, Sam”

Dean-”That’s my job”

Bailey smiled and put her hands in her pockets. She looked at the floor then looked back at Dean. Dean’s eyes flickered down to her lips then back to her eyes. He grabbed the bottom of her shirt to pull her closer to him and he gently placed his lips on his. Bailey let her eyes flutter close as she kept her hands in her pockets and Dean kept a grip on her shirt. Goosebumps formed on both of their skin as their lips slowly moved in sync. Dean slowly pulled away and they both looked at each other. He let go of Bailey and took a step back. Sam smiled to himself as he tucked his hands into his pockets.

Bailey-”I guess I’ll see you around, Dean”

Dean-”I’ll see you around”

Bailey smiled slightly and got in the car. Dean walked over to Sam and sat on the bonnet with him as she drove away and Dean swallowed a small lump in his throat. 

Sam-”Your just gonna let her leave?”

Dean sighed. 

Dean-”Yep”

Sam-”You really need to learn how to show emotions and run after what you love”

Dean-”Shut up”

Sam chuckled. 

Sam-”You going to miss her?”

Dean-”No doubt about it”

They were silent for a few seconds before Sam spoke up again. 

Sam-”Dean?”

Dean hummed as he pressed his lips together, trying not to forget the way he felt when he kissed Bailey. 

Sam-”You know we’re going to find her again. We’re most likely going to bump into her on a hunt. Just like we always do. She’s not gone forever”

Dean-”Yeah. I know”

They were silent for a few moment. 

Sam-”Should I start packing?”

Dean-”Yeah”

Sam-”Yeah”

Sam stood up and went into the motel to pack while Dean stayed outside and sighed to himself. 

Dean-”God, I hope I do find you again”

He bit his bottom lip then pushed himself off the bonnet of the car and packed his things with Sam, ready to bump into Bailey again and hopefully never let her go again.

[dreamin-of-somewhere-else]

To Become A Hunter

Characters: Dean Winchester, Sister!reader, John Winchester, Sam Winchester [mentioned]

Words: 3900+ (I’m really sorry about that, but there was no good place to split it)

Warnings: Can’t think of anything specific, really, maybe just that there’s going to be a verbal fight, I dunno. Maybe a bit of swearing, not too much.

A/N: This is the fic I was talking about! It’s a pre-series sister AU, that takes place in between around 2003. Dean is 24, Sam is 20 and at Stanford and you are 17 years old. It’ll also be a mini-series, so there’s more parts to come. It might be a bit all over the place, but I was trying to create a certain feeling. (I don’t know what I’m talking about, but I hope you like it!)

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Hunting is hard, and that’s no surprise, really. It’s physically challenging, you have to be smart, have technique, and it’s just hard emotionally as well. And, not only is it hard, but you hate it as well.

Okay, hate is a strong word, but things about it, you really do hate. You hate the way you have to sacrifice what feels like everything for it. You hate the way you feel like you miss out on life. You hate the pain and the constant fear. You hate the way it forces you to see the world more black and white instead of with all the shades of grey. You hate the way you get shut down every time you question this. You hate the way your dad responds with ’because you have to’ when you ask ’why?’.

John Winchester used to be in the military and it shows, you could testify to that. All your life he has been hard on you and your brothers. But, despite this, you are not afraid to stand up to him, question him, call him out. Although it often comes with consequences.

”Why didn’t you listen to my orders?” John roar, dark brown eyes furiously staring at you, and it almost makes you squirm. Only, you don’t show it.

”Because your orders were stupid! It would have never worked!” You retort, standing as tall as you can, staring back.

Dean’s keeping in the background, absentmindedly clutching his upper arm, as his gaze anxiously and a little annoyedly shift between you and John. It’s like with Sam and Dad all over again.

”Don’t you dare speak to me like that little girl.” Your father threaten you through gritted teeth.

He’s angry. Real angry. Despite the tone and expression, you can tell by the vein popping out on the side of his forehead.

”You are a piss poor excuse of a hunter! Pathetic, really. So don’t you come here and tell me what’s good and not. If you just had done what I told you, Dean wouldn’t have gotten hurt!” John gestures towards Dean as he plays that card.

And it has affect on you as your heart clutches in remorse. Meanwhile, Dean’s eyes widen as John uses him to guilt his little sister. He even tries to chime in.

”Wait, Dad—”

But he’s immediately cut off by John. ”Quiet, Dean. This is between your sister and I.”

You roll your eyes at the irony. It’s not about Dean, but still, your dad is of course allowed to use him to make a point.

You shouldn’t have done that, because John grabs the front of your shirt, pulling you closer, gaze nailing you and boring into your soul.

”You don’t get to use that attitude. You’re a worthless hunter. You can’t track down a monster on your own. You can’t shoot. You definitely proved that today. You ignore my orders like a little brat. Hell, you never freaking listen!” John hisses and you feel a shiver going down your spine as you try not to wince.

You want to talk back, but you struggle with coming up with words, any words at all. So, you open your mouth only to close it again. And now, honestly, you are scared. Scared because you know your dad. And that would make anyone feel nervous right now.

The tension is broken by hands wrapping around John’s shoulders. It’s Dean, you never saw him walking over, since he was hidden behind the towering statue of John, but now he’s here and pulling John away.

”Go easy on her, Dad, she’s doing the best she can.” Your big brother tries, but John shuts him down, forcedly shrugging off his grip.

”Back off, Dean.” He spits and you shiver.

Although Dean would deny it, you and Sam always had been sure that he was the oldest Winchester’s favorite. And for John to go off on him like that, he had to be mad.

”You’re part of the problem too,” Your dad continues, turned towards Dean now. ”You continue to baby her. You know very well that when you were her age, you could hit a target with your eyes closed. You were miles ahead. So, you need to stop going soft on her. She needs to learn in order to become a hunter.”

You feel Dad’s every word, like a blow. ’She needs to learn.’ That doesn’t sound good to you, and internal warning bells go off, and you start feeling anxious with your heartbeat picking up even more. You try your best to push it all away, the feelings and thoughts, and focus. Stay calm, (Y/N).

Before you can think, you open your mouth, because suddenly there’s something — a thought — that wants out, that wants to be said and heard.

”But I never wanted to become a hunter.” You don’t even realize that it’s your voice at first. Immediately, when you do, you realize it was a mistake.

Because your dad starts stalking closer like a panther sneaking up on its prey. Soon he’s only inches away from you. Dean nervously shifts, watching.

”Too bad that’s not your choice to make. You’re my daughter and I call the shots around here.”

His tone is cold. The whole of him is worse than ever. Because, this might be one of his scariest moments, except for that one time he hit Sam, bad.  

That night changed the way you saw your dad, forever. It might seem like an exaggeration, but it was definitely on the list of horrible things you’ve seen and would never forget. A list that’s already too long for your age. When said night occurred, you were only 13. Sam was 16 and Dean 20. Sam and your dad got into a heated argument, one of the worst of its kind, and John ended up connecting a fist to his youngest son’s cheek.

That moment flashes before your eyes right now. This feels all too much like that time. The situation over all is quite alike that one, now that you think of it.

It’s been quiet for a moment now. John — furious with a heaving chest and clenched fists — looks from you to Dean. You, his kids, are both clenching your jaws, your eyes cautiously yet intently glaring at your dad, never once breaking the glance. You’re positioned on opposite sides of John, and you’re keeping quiet, although both of your heads are buzzing with noisy, angry thoughts directed to the man who was supposed to raise you, protect you and make sure you get through life well, safe and sound.  

”Okay, this is how it’s going to be.” The older man breaks the silence. ”Tomorrow, Dean, you’re going to leave. Early in the morning. I’ll find you a hunt, and you’re going to take the Impala, and sort it out. And then you’re not going to come back for a month, and by that I mean a complete month, not a day before. That is orders. Do you hear me?”

Your eyes widen, it feels like the air has been knocked out of you, merely by the message. You almost can’t breath again, you unknowingly hold your breath. Your heart pounds in your chest. You had never, up until now, realized how intimidating the thought of being completely alone with the man who was your biological father but hardly a father figure. Without your brothers there to help you. Without their protection and support.

Somewhere in the back of your mind, a voice speaks. ’Suck it up (Y/N). You can’t need their protection. You don’t get to rely on them all the damn time.’ You can’t tell whose voice it is, if it’s dark or light, if it’s feminine or masculine. If you could though, you weren’t too sure it would be yours, but instead, your dad’s.

Despite the thoughts clouding your senses, you still manage to meet Dean’s eyes. You briefly wondered if you had absentmindedly searched for his gaze, because of the connection you have, or if you simply happened to stare at him. Or maybe he was the one

searching for your eyes.

Dean looks sad. Apologetic. Worried.

An unwanted thought enters your mind. Maybe he doesn’t think you can handle yourself. Maybe he knows that you’re going to be lost without him?

John puts an end to your thinking. ”Do you understand me, son?”

Dean continues to look at you, until he finally draws his eyes away, to glance at John. Maybe he can’t take looking at you. Maybe he doesn’t want to.

”Yes, sir.”

The words are definite. Absolute. And now it’s real, Dean is leaving tomorrow, for sure.

”You, (Y/N).” He spits, whipping around to you, and you almost stagger back, by his sheer movement. ”You’re going to stay here with me. I’m going to train you. Turn you into a real hunter.”

You don’t dare asking what that means. But you probably deserved it. Not that you had done something wrong, you still think defying Dad’s orders tonight was the right call, and has been all the other times. But, you also know that he has been very hard on your brothers, in a way that he actually haven’t been on you. Training-wise. Otherwise, he might have been even harder, but that’s a story for another time.

”Now, do you understand?” Dad presses.

”Yes sir.” You say, quietly. Now, for the first time, you don’t look at him. You don’t want to give him the pleasure.

”One more time, louder. And look at me.”

You clench your jaw even harder, dreading it. But although you’re pissed, you do as he says.

”Yes sir.” You repeat yourself, eyes laid on his larger form.

He smiles ever so slightly, content. And you hate that. Absolutely despise it.

Turning around, you leave the joint kitchen and living room of the cabin you, Dad and Dean are renting, and walk off into the small, bare room you’re currently inhabiting as if it was your own. You close the door behind you — although you don’t slam it because that would only make your dad even angrier and who knows what would happen then. You lean against it, taking a deep breath as you stare up at the wooden ceiling, taking in the detailing in every piece of plank.

You stand there for a moment, feeling tired, defeated and empty. Soon enough you leave the door and air cooled off the area your body heat had warmed up, and you lie down on the bed. You don’t bother changing clothes, you’ve already taken off your jacket and shoes, and other than that, you didn’t get too dirty during this hunt. Besides, you just lied down on top of the covers and not under them. You don’t bother getting ready anymore than that either. You just want to fall asleep, escape from your thoughts. It doesn’t happen though, as you remain awake, looking out the window — situated on the wall opposite to the door as well as to the bed’s right — at the sun setting behind the trees. You succeed to keep your head fairly empty, keeping the difficult, dark thoughts away from your mind.

You lie there for a while, you would guess around an hour, but you can’t know for sure — until a knock tears through the thick silence. You hadn’t expected it, but it don’t startle you, and you don’t move one bit. Instead you continue lying on your side — arm tucked under the pillow and your head, knees slightly bent and drawn closer to your chest — inattentively staring out at the evening sky.

The door opens with a creak.

”Hi.” Dean’s voice reaches your ear.

You slightly lift up your head — that feels heavy — and look over your shoulder at him. As you do, the corners of Dean’s lips slightly curl upwards, but his eyes are round and sad. He almost looks like a puppy, or a young boy, and your stomach twists. He looks lost, tired, with messy hair, no leather jacket but only a black t-shirt on his upper body and a clean bandage wrapped around his upper arm, covering his wound.

Dean closes the door behind him. You lay down your head on your pillow again, but your sensitive ears hear Dean slither closer until the bed shifts as it dips down behind your back, the feathers squealing quietly.

You don’t even have to make room for him to lie down, because you’re already placed on the far edge closest to the window. He places his head on the other pillow — the bed has two, you found a spare one in the small closet of the cabin — and gives out a light groan, probably because of his arm and sore muscles. And then it’s quiet and still again.

He lies there, next to you, for a while. Without saying anything, just being there. For both your sakes, maybe even more for his than your own. But you can’t lie, it feels nice, comforting, reassuring. And soon enough, you roll over to your back, mimicking Dean’s position, staring up at the ceiling again.

Soon enough, you speak, words soft.

”I’ve screwed up.” It’s no whine, cry, or nervous claim. It’s only a statement, and you put no particular emotion behind your words.

It’s almost like it wasn’t you that had screwed up, but someone else. As if your worries only exist in someone else’s life. But that isn’t the truth is it?

Dean turns his face towards you, you can see it in the corner of your left eye. He inspects your face with his green eyes for a moment, until he ultimately turns his face towards the ceiling again and answers.

”Maybe. Judging by our life, our family situation. Our dad.” He pauses. ”But that’s only because it’s like this. If our lives were normal, apple-pie ones, you definitely would’ve done the right thing, standing up for yourself like you did.”

”He’s probably right, you know.” You state.

”What?

”That I need to become a real hunter. That I’m weak.” You explain further.

”Oh, come on, don’t say that.” Dean objects, but with less disagreement and emotion in his voice than you would’ve think. Maybe it’s because he’s subconsciously matching up his tone to fit better with your calm, quieter words.

”But it’s true.”

Although a few hours ago, you had been sure you were right, now you let your dad’s words get to you. You started believing them. Sure, sometimes you thought about yourself as weak and not a good hunter, but never as completely useless like you started to now.

”No, it’s not.” Dean retorts.

”It is.”

Dean’s following silence speaks for itself, but it gives off several possible messages. Maybe he’s just quiet because he knows he can’t win the argument. Maybe he knows it’s true and agrees with Dad.

You shake the last option off, although you know that you brought it up in the first place. It’s your fault.

”Sorry about your shoulder.” You switch topic, and this time you turn your head to look at Dean.

Dean dips his own head down and your eyes meet, though his face is partially hidden behind some of the pillows’ fluffiness. Dean looks up again.

”’Not your fault.”

You nod a little. Not that you agree, it is, but you know he will continue to think it wasn’t whatever you say, so you let it go.

It’s quiet for a while. The room progressively gets darker as the sun disappears completely from the sky, and it goes deep blue. You listen to Dean’s breathing as his chest heaves up and down, and you even close your eyes for a while. By now, the thoughts are almost completely gone and it feels great.

You could’ve fallen asleep right there and then; warm, on a fairly comfortable bed, beside one of the two people just love most in this world, but you don’t. Instead, you open your mouth one more time.

”I don’t want you to leave.” You whisper, because it feel so strange now to break the silence that’s been resting over the two of you for long now.

”I don’t want to leave,” comes the answer. You can’t see more of Dean than his silhouette in this lightening, but you can definitely feel his presence just as much as before.

It’s a sad excuse of a comfort, but it still feels a little bit better knowing that he feels the same way. And, somewhen after that, you do actually drift off to slumber, against all odds, tiredness from the hunt and fight enveloping you like a soft blanket.

You blink and instantly squint your newly awoken eyes against the white, bright light streaming in from the window — that does not have any blinds. Although, it has curtains, you just never pulled them close. You groggily take in the room, remembering that this is where you lived for now. A specific thought enter your mind and you immediately look over to your left, but the bed is empty. The only sign that someone ever lied there, is the slight crinkling of the white covers.

Piercing pain shoots through your body, starting from your heart as fear takes over. You almost cringe, turning into yourself. But then your trained ears catch something outside your closed bedroom door.

”No.” His voice is muffled, but there, and you feel yourself relax ever so slightly.

”You don’t want to?” It was Dad.

”No.”

”You have to, Dean.”

”Why?”

You rise your eyebrows. It’s unusual for your older brother to question John’s orders this much, that’s your job. He usually just accepted them and strode right into action. He must be really passionate about this, staying here. You feel a pull on your heartstrings as you exhaled softly. You may not have a lot in this life, but you have Dean. And that is more than enough.

”It’s orders, son.”

When Dean’s answer doesn’t come, you fly off your bed, heart in your throat. You run to the door, open it, and come to a stop in the doorway. There’s Dean, duffle bag in his hand, standing by the front door across the room from you. And there’s Dad, looking content up until he sees you.

”Go back to your room, (Y/N).”

You completely ignore him. Instead, you walk closer to Dean and Dad, almost reaching Dad who stands in the middle of the room.

”Your room, (Y/N).” He growls threateningly.

”Dean!” You call, trying to get him to look at you, but he just stares at the floor, clutching the handles of the bag harder.

You get sinking feeling in your stomach.

”Dean, please don’t go! Don’t leave me!” You try again, and you can’t seem to keep your voice stable, instead you sound desperate — which, well, you are.

You don’t actually know what Dad ’making you into a hunter’ meant, so you really don’t have a reason to be so scared. But, somehow, your instincts told you differently.

”Stay back!” Dad demands, as he puts out an arm and pushes you back, so hard that you stumble a few steps. ”Dead, you know what you have to do. It’s orders.”

”Dean!” You try calling again, feeling your eyes sting.

You watch how Dean looks at his shoes, nodding slowly as he clenches his jaw. Then, he turns around and grabs the door knob.

You instantly spin around, facing away from Dean and John, staring through the open door into your room. You can’t watch him leave, you can’t do it. Instead, you stare into nothing until you forcedly shut your eyes, mostly in reflex, as you hear the soft sound of the front door closing slowly.

You know Dean trusts Dad. He trusts him in a way you never can, and never have. So, you could only hope that’s the reason he now left you alone, and not the fact that he too thinks you’re weak and wants you to become a real hunter.

You hear shuffling behind you, and you know John turns to look at you.

”It’s just me and you now, princess.”

You hate that word. Princess. It’s deprecate, it’s like just because you’re a girl, you expect to be treated with kid gloves, like some royalty. Like you can’t handle it.

Although maybe you can’t.

”Let’s start right now, shall we?” You can hear your father’s smirk.

You take a deep breath, in and out. And, then you slowly turn around to face him. Because, you know he’s going to make you otherwise, and you’d rather do it with dignity.

So there you stand, tall and chin raised high, looking at him coldly. Tears have pricked in the corners of your eyes, but you ignore them, shoving your feelings around.

”Come here.” He instructs.

At first you don’t move, but when you see his expression, you cautiously make your way over. Your dad places his hand on your shoulder as you reach him, but you angrily shake it off.

Both of you walk outside, to the porch. There, John points at the opening of the forest.

”See that road?”

You ignore the urge to scoff. The gravel by the opening is hardly a road, more like a path. But, you nod anyway.

”I want you to run that track. 15 miles, maybe a bit more.”

You gulp.

You’ve always categorized yourself as more of the brain than the muscle. Sure, you constantly put your body under physical pressure, but, you and your family really didn’t have the best food habits. Burgers and canned food aren’t exactly healthy. What you did for a living compensated for this, since a hunt was surely a workout, but you could be in better shape. So, you are in pretty good shape, yes, but you’re no exceptional superhero who could just run 15 miles in the speed John wanted you to.

”Can I have breakfast?” You quietly ask. Surely you could, but you decide to not anger your dad by taking things for granted.

”No.”

Your eyes widen — I’m going to faint — but you give a single nod. Then, you turn around to walk inside, to your room, again.

John stops you by putting out an arm, blocking the entrance inside.

”Where do you think you’re going?” You look up at him, and see that his eyebrows are high on his forehead, questioning you.

”To switch clothes…” You innocently explain, before looking down at your t-shirt and jeans.

”I don’t think so.” John obeys, and you’re not even surprised. Of course you can’t.

What surprises you slightly is him forcedly grabbing your shoulders, turning your around, and giving you a hard shove across the porch, so that you almost trip and fall down the couple of stairs down to ground level. You stumble down them though, breath stuck in your throat, heart pounding.

While you regain your footing and then balance, John yells after you.

”Now, show me you’re not completely worthless, stupid girl!”

His words hurt, but once again you repress your feelings. Determination settles in on you, and you make a promise to yourself. I’m going to show him.

And then your start running.

A/N (again): And, as I said, there will be more parts to this! I haven’t written them yet but I know what I want to happen, so, yeah. There’s gonna be a bit more action in later parts to make up for this lol. This is kind of a teaser (hysterically long)/an opening for what’s to come.

Tags: @daughters-and-winsisters @evyiione @samanddeanshotsis @darkestgrungeuniverse @fabulouslycassie @delessapeace-blog @mariairwin666 @1amluke @saveprettydays @cookee50 @yoursmilemakesmeloveyou @infamati–et–obliterati  @stillcooli0 @sammysbeanie @jamric @deepbreathssammy @extreme-supernatural-lover 

Because you showed interest (thanks for that! <3): @winchesters-favorite-girl, @straightasdeanwinchester, @soullessbabee, @derbypasta8811: I tried tagging you but it didn’t work :(