#and steve slowly is able to come to terms with his sexuality

[steddiealltheway]

Something that is canon in my mind that I forget to tell people:

The reason why Steve can’t get bitches in his Scoops Ahoy era is because there’s a rumor going around that he’s gay (probably because someone caught him hooking up with Eddie)

[solarmorrigan]

I have a lot of thoughts about Steve who craves physical affection, who thinks of his worth in terms of what he can do for other people, and who got very drunk at high school parties. This is one of them

CW for heavily implied past dubcon (not between Eddie and Steve). Please take care

-

Eddie has never seen Steve drunk.

At least – not up close. There had been a few high school parties back in the day where Eddie had passed by the “Keg Stand King,” but since he’s come to know Steve personally (intimately), Steve has barely touched alcohol.

He’s told Eddie the story of being drugged against his will and how he doesn’t want to repeat the feeling of losing control, and how he doesn’t like not being able to drive if he needs to, and how the hangover would probably just trigger a migraine anyway – and, really, he just doesn’t drink much anymore.

Yet tonight had been a special occasion: Robin’s birthday. She herself isn’t much for alcohol (for at least some reasons that match up with Steve’s), but drinking, she said, feels like a part of the birthday experience. She’d somehow gotten Steve to match her beer for beer, for “emotional support,” and it hadn’t taken long for the both of them to become entirely inebriated.

Time has apparently greatly eroded Steve’s tolerance.

Eddie had distantly expected him to be kind of a bitchy drunk—and he had become a bit cattier, for sure—but mostly he’d just become affectionate. There had been hugs for nearly everyone, and he’d spent the latter half of the party slowly migrating into Eddie’s lap, plying him with constant kisses on the cheek and giggling ridiculously at nearly everything Eddie had said.

It had been sort of adorable (not that Eddie will tell him that; no, he’s going to sit on that information until it benefits him).

It’s a little less fun now that he’s trying to cart Steve up to his room and into bed. Steve is a bit wobbly, and a lot heavy, and is much more interested in trying to cling to Eddie like a koala and bury his face in Eddie’s neck than he is in actually walking anywhere.

“Y’know, we could cuddle to your heart’s content if you’d just let me get you to bed,” Eddie points out when he and Steve have stalled out partway down the hall, leaning against the closed door to the bathroom.

Steve hums vaguely, tightening the grip he has on Eddie’s t-shirt. “But you’re out here,” he mumbles, nuzzling into the crook of Eddie’s neck.

A shiver travels down Eddie’s spine at the feeling of Steve’s warm breath ghosting across his throat, but it doesn’t go much further than a gentle, dying flutter in his gut. As affectionate as Steve has been, as hungry for contact as he’s acted all night, there’s been nothing sexual about it. It’s been all hugs and sweet kisses, not heated embraces and sloppy make outs.

Besides– Steve’s drunk. Eddie’s not going to take advantage.

He wedges a hand between himself and Steve and gently pushes Steve back.

“I’m coming to bed with you, you colossal dork,” Eddie says.

Steve blinks at Eddie, slightly unfocused. “Oh.” He finally heaves up and away from the wall, grabbing Eddie’s hand to tug him along as he weaves unsteadily down the hall. “Well why didn’t you say so?”

Eddie rolls his eyes, all affection. “Where else would I be going?”

Steve stops when they get to his room, apparently pondering the answer.

“Away?” he finally volunteers, half-questioning, as if he’s hoping he’s wrong.

“No, baby,” Eddie assures him immediately, leaning in to give him a quick kiss. “I’m staying. Gotta make sure you don’t choke on your tongue after you pass out, anyway.”

“’m not that drunk,” Steve says; he rolls his eyes and then immediately seems to regret it, reaching out for Eddie’s shoulder to steady himself.

“Uh huh,” Eddie drawls. “Okay, time for bed, big boy.”

Grumbling, Steve releases Eddie to shuffle over to the bed, where he flops down on his back with a sigh, jeans and all.

“Alright, not exactly what I meant, but I can work with this,” Eddie says, kneeling on the bed by Steve’s hip.

They’d managed to ditch their shoes in the entryway, but they’re otherwise fully dressed, and Steve is going to be uncomfortable if he tries to spend the whole night in his belt and jeans.

Steve squirms a bit when Eddie reaches for his belt buckle, as if he’s not quite sure whether to move away or not.

“Eddie…” he groans – an exasperated sort of groan, rather than the usual way he groans Eddie’s name when he’s squirming on the bed.

“Just hold still,” Eddie shushes him with a quick pat to the hip.

He gets as far as pulling the tongue of the belt through the buckle before Steve’s hands shoot out and grab Eddie by the wrists. His grip is surprisingly strong, considering how uncoordinated he’d been tonight, and Eddie stills immediately.

“Steve?” Eddie looks up to see Steve staring down at him, wide-eyed and apprehensive; hell, if Eddie didn’t know any better, he might say Steve looks… sort of frightened.

“Not– not tonight,” Steve says, enunciating carefully, and Eddie’s confusion only increases.

He doesn’t want his belt off tonight? Is that what he’s worked up about?

In the wake of Eddie’s baffled lack of response, Steve only grows more insistent, tugging Eddie’s hands away from his waist.

“Not while I’m–” Steve breaks off, licking his lips nervously. He shakes his head and adds quietly, “Please.”

Brows furrowed, Eddie stares at Steve a second longer. “Not while you’re…?” Then the penny drops, and Eddie jerks away from Steve so quickly that Steve barely has time to let go. “Oh shit, no. That’s not– no, I’m not– Steve, fuck, no, that’s not what I’m doing.”

Steve stares up at Eddie, the anxiety he’s a little too drunk to mask still lingering in his eyes.

“I promise, I was only trying to get your belt and pants off so you’d be more comfortable. For sleeping!” Eddie says quickly. “But you can keep them on if you want. Hell, put on more layers. Do you want a jacket?”

Distantly, Eddie realizes he’s rambling and tries to stop; it doesn’t seem to be helping.

“I– I know I was kissing you,” Steve says, then glances away with a grimace, seeming a bit more sober now. “Practically throwing myself at you. ’m sorry, I just–”

“Don’t be sorry. Don’t be,” Eddie says firmly. “Even if you were throwing yourself at me—even though you weren’t; like, I can tell the difference between cuddly you and horny you, okay?—but even if you had been, you can still say no. You can always say no. But I swear, Steve, I was only trying to get you comfy, that’s all.”

For a moment, Steve just breathes, processing Eddie’s words as carefully as his sloshed brain will allow.

“Are you still going to stay?” he finally asks. “Even though I don’t want to have sex?”

“Of course,” Eddie blurts, some dizzying combination of baffled, anxious, and incensed. “I’m only gonna leave if you tell me to.”

And even then, he’d only go as far as the couch downstairs (just in case).

Slowly, Steve nods, then reaches for his belt to pull it off in a series of determined, clumsy movements. He drops it on the floor when he’s done but makes no move to remove his jeans.

Eddie, following suit, resigns himself to an uncomfortable night. He strips off his jewelry and his own belt but leaves his pants on.

All the lights go out, save for a small, dim lamp on Steve’s desk, and then Eddie crawls on top of the covers with Steve, pulling the blanket from the end of the bed—a gift from Claudia—up over both of them.

A little of the churning, anxious mess in Eddie’s chest eases when Steve immediately plasters himself to his side, resting his head on Eddie’s chest (and Eddie just knows there’s going to be drool there come morning, but he can’t bear to move him). All the same, even as he hears Steve’s breathing even out into sleep, Eddie can’t get his mind to rest.

What has he done to give Steve the impression that he’d try to fuck him when he’s too drunk to really say yes? What has he done to make him think he’d leave if Steve doesn’t put out?

Nothing.

Genuinely and truly, Eddie can’t think of anything. There have been plenty of times they’ve hung out, even shared a bed, and they haven’t had sex. Sure, they’re active, but they do actually do other things together.

There have been other nights where sex has seemed like a sure thing, only to be halted by an apologetic look from Steve and the start of a migraine. There have been times Eddie’s called it off because his anxiety has reared up and bit him in the ass. There’s never been anger over it.

That leaves two options: it’s either an imagined scenario stirred up by anxiety and insecurity and alcohol, or… it’s based on a different experience, in a different time and place.

All things considered, Eddie has a terrible, sinking feeling that he knows which one it is.

[boybandbaby]

Crazy For You

Summary: You're crazy for your best friend's boyfriend. Turns out you're just crazy stupid.

Word Count: 2663

Note: Inspired by Madonna's Crazy For You. Not edited.

You had been friends with Steve Harrington only a little less than a year but it had been the best almost year ever. Robin had introduced you both at the end of the summer 1986 before your senior year. You hadn’t known her long either, having met in passing at the movie theaters. Both of you were in line to see Stand By Me, alone, and had struck up a conversation. Steve had bailed on her last minute needing to help Dustin with something. Robin was annoyed with her friend but that slowly dwindled at the end of the night after making a new acquaintance. You both exchanged information and promised to hang out. Steve was skeptical that he was going to be replaced but when he met you two weeks after you met Robin, he knew you weren’t any competition.

Both Steve and Robin had found you pretty and fun to be around. Steve’s opinion was in a more friendly way but he knew that if anything were to come of your friendship and then turned sour, Robin would be forced to pick sides. He knew how much Robin loved having you as a friend and he wouldn’t hurt or damage that so he swallowed his new grown feelings and continued to build a strong friendship with you. 

You on the other hand had a full blown crush on Steve who Robin described as the high school heart throb. You refrained from telling her about your crush because you assumed there was something between the two. Robin still hadn’t told you about her sexuality because she didn’t know how you would see her. She didn’t think you’d be rude or offensive to her but she had only come to terms with it recently and let Steve know. 

Now here you were, June 1987, just having graduated from high school. Steve being the best friend ever had thrown a party for Robin, you and Eddie. You remember meeting Eddie and being instantly overwhelmed with his bold and interesting personality. He was a great friend though but not as close as you were with Robin and Steve. You’d obviously met their other friends, both around your age and much younger. Steve has refused to let the young ones join in on the party but Eddie promised to not let them get into any of the alcohol and keep them away from the smoking. Steve not being able to stop 7 kids from entering his house, rolled his eyes and moved aside. 

You were a couple drinks in, just swaying to the music as you leaned against Robin in the kitchen. You were mostly quiet as she spoke with Nancy, staring off at a group of guys playing beer pong. You attention was mainly focused on one boy in particular. His hair high and smoothed back, a plain white t shirt hugging his torso in the right places, his light blue jeans tight against his thighs (and butt). The room was smokey from Eddie’s endless supply of weed and lights dim from his persistence that his eyes were burning at the brightness Steve had them on. Steve had rolled his eyes and told Eddie his eyes were bloodshot from all the smoking but complied and turned them down a few notches. 

Swaying room as the music starts

Strangers making the most of the dark

Two by two, their bodies become one

I see you through the smokey air

Can't you feel the weight of my stare?

You're so close but still a world away

People were dancing to the music, bodies grinding and moving slowly, sweaty. You and Steve hadn’t spoken much all night but shared a few glances here and there and taken at least one shot together before people started to arrive. Your eyelids were droopy as you took another sip of something Robin had given you, the taste numb on your tongue. Steve had tossed another white ball, missing the cup completely then looking around and smiling softly when he met your eyes. He gave a shy wave, another ball in his hand. You hadn’t smiled or waved back, just studying his features. Whether it was 5 seconds or minutes of staring, you didn’t know. You just remember Steve squinting at you and tilting his head, going back to the game when Lucas nudged his arm to take his turn. 

Nancy had nudged Robin and nodded her head in your direction. Robin had looked over to see that same love stricken gaze she’d seen almost everyday since she introduced you and Steve. Why you hadn’t told her about your feelings for Steve, she didn’t know. She was still surprised Steve hadn’t mentioned anything about liking you though she knew he was head over heels. 

“You okay y/n/n?” She asked quietly though you could hear it over the music. You turned away from your perfect view and met her eyes. They were soft but you couldn’t decipher what they really meant. 

“Yeah, I’m okay.” You smiled softly. You really weren’t. You don’t know how long your heart could take pining over Steve. You don’t know how you could betray your friend by crushing on her boyfriend. 

“You keep staring in his direction.” She says, her eyes still unreadable. 

“Robin,” you mutter. You eyes become glossy and you push away from the counter, your full body facing her. “I-“ you stutter, knowing you’d be losing your friend. “I’m so sorry.” You cry out, only loud enough for Robin and Nancy to hear. Nancy’s confused and wondering if she should leave. Clearly there’s something more going on that she’s unaware of. 

“Y/n?” Robin hops off the counter, reaching out for your arms. She places her cold hands on your biceps, looking into your eyes. She never uses your full name. She must be really mad and hurt. “What are you apologizing for?”

Steve’s gaze and attention has fully left the game and is now focused on the two of his best friends in the kitchen. He’s not sure whats going on and wants to go over and see for himself but he’s handed another shot by Eddie and pulled into a large group of guys mostly Eddie knows. When he downs his shot, he pushes out of the crowd to see both of you now missing. His head and nearly spinning on his neck as he looks around for you two.

Robin had sensed the seriousness of the situation and pulled you into a spare room for privacy. “Y/n/n, what’s going on?” She’s pleading for some sort of explanation. 

“I can’t tell you. If I tell you then you’ll stop being my friend and then Steve will stop being my friend and you’re both the best people in my life and I can’t lose one of you let alone both of you.” The alcohol was definitely adding to your emotions. “I know we’ve over know each other for like 10 months but I can’t imagine not having you in it ya know? I love our inside jokes and our movie nights and picking on Steve and stealing his food when he’s not looking and-,” You’re rambling and your chest is heaving. 

“What are you saying?” She shakes her head, her bangs poking into her eyes, something she hates which is why she lets you cut her bangs for her. She’d always refused Steve’s offers saying he doesn’t have a steady hand. She’s seen the way he’s cut Eddie’s bangs before and did not want to look stupid too. 

“I think I’m in love with Steve. I’m so sorry Robin. Ever since I met him there’s been this ball in my stomach. I tried to make it go away. Remember when I went out with that guy Alex for like a month? I really tried. I hated our first date but forced myself to go out with him to rid my feelings but I couldn’t.” You sobbed, hiding your face in one of the coats hanging. I guess you were in some storage closest. 

Robins brows has been furrowed ever since she’s entered the room with you. She still doesn’t really understand what the big deal is. You’re in love with Steve. It’s pretty obvious. She knew long time ago. Why were you apologizing? “Y/n? Y/n!” Robin screeched over your years. “I know!” She gives a small smile.

“You know?” You wipe your eyes. “Why don’t you sound mad? You should be hating me right now.” You pull her into a hug. “You’re a good friend and I suck.”

“Why do you think I should be mad?” She asks in awe. 

“He’s your boyfriend Robin!” Your outburst is met with a moment of silence before she’s full on laughing. Clutching her stomach and bending over to place her hands on her thighs, above her knees. 

“He’s not my boyfriend Y/n/n. Not even close.” Robin gets out between giggles and breaths. 

“What?” You hiccup. 

“I don’t like Steve. Not any man actually.” She says quietly, confessing something she’s been scared to say out loud. “He’s my best friend.”

“You haven’t been together this entire time?” You clarify. She shakes her head, laughing again. 

“You’re so stupid Y/n/n. I thought Steve was stupid but I think you’ve got him beat.” She squeezes you into a hug. After a few minutes of just hugging, she pulls back. “You’re down bad huh?” You nod, sniffling. “Just tell him, I’m sure he feels the same way.” She winks and descends from the closet without any explanation.

What I'm dying to say, is that

I'm crazy for you

Touch me once and you'll know it's true

I never wanted anyone like this

It's all brand new

You'll feel it in my kiss

I'm crazy for you

Crazy for you

You decide to spend a few more moments alone, wiping your eyes and fixing your hair. Straightening out your outfit and thinking to all your moments with Steve. Had you really been this stupid? 

You were absolutely crazy for this man. The moment you met him, shaking sweaty hands, you were drawn in. He hand held your right hand in his left one then placed his right hand on top, cuddling your hand. He had smiled at you, a smile that had made you weak in the knees and dreaming of him all night. He had opened the car door for you, his hand on the small of your back so light in touch you weren’t sure how you noticed it. The way he saved a few fries for you when you went to the bathroom and made sure Robin didn’t drink your milkshake. The small things he did that night and during every hangout and even now, he’d always made you feel safe and welcomed. You’d never felt this way about anyone before and it scared you but ignited a flame in you that pushed you to walk directly out of the closet.

Robin had made her way over to the group when she left the room. Her grin was from ear to ear as she inserted herself into the conversation. Steve was on the opposite side of the circle next to Max and Jonathan and made his way between Nancy and Robin. “Where’s Y/n?” 

She smiled and turned to him, “she’s somewhere around her.” 

“Weren’t you with her? Where’d you guys go? I was looking for you both.” He questions. 

“We just needed to talk in privately.” Robin sips on a new cup of whatever Eddie made for her. “She’s okay though. Just needs a minute.”

“Are you sure she’s okay?” Steve pleads for some sort of answer. “You both looked pretty intense in the kitchen.”

Trying hard to control my heart

I walk over to where you are

Eye to eye, we need no words at all

Slowly now we begin to move

Every breath I'm deeper into you

Soon we two are standing still in time

If you read my mind, you'll see

You step out of the closet and search for the man you loved. Your heart was pounding so loudly in your chest, no specific pattern in particular but you thought it might’ve resembled one of Gareth’s Corroded Coffin drum solos. You find Steve by the curve of his butt, his back turned toward you. You inch toward him, less fierce than your exit from the closet. He hears Eddie shout your name before he sees you. Eddie moves through the circle and heads toward you to hand you another shot. You ignore him by pushing him to the side, not enough to hurt him but enough for him to get out of your path. You’re in a direct line with Steve then you’re toe to toe, his white sneakers touching your dirty black converse. Your eyes meet and he’s about to say something when your lips meet his. Your right hand cups the back of his neck and the other rests on his right bicep. Steve wastes no time moving his left hand to your waist and his right hand on your jaw. The shock of it all wearing off quickly due to the amount of alcohol he’s consumed tonight. Eddies of course the first one to start shouting and hollering, both Nancy and Robin slapping his leather covered arms. They have to pull him and the rest of the group away to let you both have your moment. Robin peeks over her shoulder and you’re both still kissing. Though she doesn’t want to ruin the moment, she wants to just hug you both. So she does. Her legs carry her over and she leaps into your sides. She wraps her arms around both of your shoulders and squeals. “I love this! I love us!”

You and Steve HAVE to break apart and hug her back. Steve’s arm leaves your body to wrap around her shoulder and yours wraps around her waist. No words are spoken, just a bunch of giggles. She smiles and runs back to Nancy who’s talking with El. 

Without hesitation, your forehead rests against Steve’s, a small strand of his hair tickling your face. You’re both so focused on each other, swaying to the music, a Madonna song. “Did Robin tell you I like you?” He asks. You can feel his breath on your cheek. You can smell the liquor and mint gum he was chewing. 

“No.” You let out a breathy laugh. “I just,” you sigh, “I had to kiss you tonight or I think I would’ve died. My heart was bursting to be near you. To touch you, kiss you, anything.” 

His eyes are glossy and he’s pulling you closer into his body. “I had no idea you felt the same way. How long?”

“How long?” You quirk an eyebrow. 

“How long have you liked me?”

“I’ve loved you since I met you. I just thought you were with Robin.” You kiss his cheek then his chin and then his lips. “She called me stupid.” 

“You are stupid.” He says though pecks against your lips. “But I’m stupid too. For not asking you out or making a move sooner.” 

“You think you’ll remember this tomorrow?” You ask shyly. 

“I can’t forget a kiss like that.” He chuckles. “I’d never forget you.” He moves a hand up your body, along the curve of your right side. His hand lifts your chin and he plants his lips softly to yours. 

You both don’t notice the people passed out around you or the people leaving the party. You don’t notice Robin and Nancy cleaning the cans and cups around the living room. You somehow don’t notice Eddie’s loud ass snoring. You don’t notice Jonathan turning the music down, not off but down to a light hum. Your eyes are shut and your cheek resting on his chest, his chin on the top of your head. You’re both keeping each other up, steadying each other as you sway. You’re both crazy for each other. 

[destieltaggedfic]

Retired Dean - Part 3

Dean deserved to retire and be happy in the way he chooses.

A Little Company – VioletHaze   Ao3

Set S9 AU.  Five years after the angels fall, Dean and Cas are married, settled down and have just adopted a daughter.

Word Count: 49k                              Graphic Sexual Acts

profoundly bonded (by law) – sobsicles   Ao3

Set S15 AU.  Its all over, and they’ve given up hunting.  Sam has moved into an apartment in town but Dean and Cas have bought a farm house they are renovating.  One day Cas asks if Dean would marry him, not being able to think of a reason against it Dean says yes.  Being married changes nothing about their friendship until one day it does.

Word Count: 20k                              Graphic Sexual Acts

Be My Superman - MaggieMaybe160   Ao3

Set S4 AU.  A number of injuries benched Dean years ago, so Dean settled in a town and became a mechanic, slowly making friends with a guy called Steve.  When he decides its time to take on a small hunt again, Dean finds out Steve is not what or who he seems and that apparently Sam is running around trying to start the apocalypse.

Word Count: 11k                              No Sex

Oil and Honey – Chthon   Ao3

Set 15x20 didn’t happen AU.  3 years after they defeated Chuck, Dean has given up hunting and restarted Bobby’s business.  He doesn’t expect the day that Cas suddenly turns up, his task, to ensure Dean’s safety for the rest of his life.  Having come to terms with his feelings for the angel when he was dead, Dean doesn’t quite know how to translate that to the living Cas in front of him.

Word Count: 52k                              Non-Graphic Sex

There Are Roads Left in Both of Our Shoes – sidewinder  Ao3

15x20 didn’t happen AU.  Cas rescues himself from the empty by ripping out his grace, but ongoing nightmares lead him to realise that leaving his grace behind also left a connection from him to the empty and it is tormenting him in his sleep.  His bond with Dean may the answer.

Word Count: 118k                            Graphic Sexual Acts

[nastybuckybarnes]

Deep End  -  Six

Pairing: Dark!Steve Rogers X Reader

Summary: He’s back. After all your best efforts at getting away, he’s found you again. And this time, he’s not letting you go so easily. He’s determined to do whatever it takes to get you to be his. Forever.

Warnings: Dark Themes, Language, Angst, Fluff, Angst

Word Count: 4.6K

A/n: Okie dokie! I’ve got an epilogue planned but I like this. The epilogue will explain shit better but I've known that this would be the end since pretty much the beginning LMAO

Deep End Masterlist

THIS IS A DARK FIC WITH SEXUAL AND TRIGGERING CONTENT!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!! 18+ ONLY!!!

~*~

When Steve hears you stop struggling, stop fighting and stop crying, he’s nervous.

It’s been a while since he locked you up there, and he really should check on you soon, if only to make sure the baby’s okay after that stunt you pulled.

He pushes the door to the bedroom open, eyeing your figure carefully.

You look like you’re asleep. If he wasn't so attuned to your body, your heart and your breathing, he wouldn’t have noticed something’s wrong.

Your heart is beating rapidly, far faster than normal. And it’s weaker than usual.

Your breathing is shallow and strained, and your face is lacking its usual healthy glow.

He rushes to your side, tearing the rope from your wrists and touching your face carefully.

Your skin is hot to the touch, and he feels fear settle in his gut.

He doesn’t know what to do, how to help. He’s never really had to help you like this, the doctor’s always been nearby.

He grabs his phone, calling the doctor and pacing nervously.

“Sh-she’s burning up and her breathing is shallow.”

Steve's stomach drops as he listens to the doctor’s instructions, answers his questions and comes to the realization of why you’re like this.

He rolls you onto your left side, tears welling up in his eyes at how unresponsive you are.

The doctor hangs up after telling the super soldier that he’ll be there soon.

His heart is in his throat as he tries to undo the damage of his punishment, putting the evidence back in the box and kicking the rope under the bed.

You’re still unresponsive, heart weak, but your breath sounds a little less strained.

Monster. That’s what you called him. What Natasha called him and what Bucky’s asset called him.

Maybe you’re right.

But he wants you. He needs you. Giving you up would be giving up a piece of his soul and he’s not ready to do that yet.

~*~

The doctor informs him that both you and the baby are okay, but being on your back for so long was compressing a major vein supplying your baby with oxygenated blood. If he’d gotten there any later it might’ve been too late.

With strict instructions to keep you on your left side and make sure you stay hydrated, the doctor takes his leave.

He stays by your side, holding your hand tightly in both of his as he really comes to terms with the fact that it was entirely his fault. He almost killed you and your baby to prove a stupid point. To discourage you from doing the very same thing.

His heart is heavy in his chest as he listens to your heartbeat get stronger, to the baby’s heartbeat continue fluttering like a hummingbird’s.

Those two sounds bring him peace, if only temporarily.

Shattering his peace is the sound of the front door opening, followed by tiny little footsteps clomping up the stairs.

“Mommy! Mommy!”

Sarah.

Steve shoves himself to his feet and quickly leaves the room just as his daughter tries to enter.

“Sarah, mommy’s sleeping.” She frowns up at him and shakes her little blonde head.

“I need to talk to mommy!”

She walks around his legs only for him to scoop her up in his arms.

“She’s sleeping right now, honey.”

Sarah shakes her head angrily, beating her tiny fists against his shoulders.

“Let me go! I want mommy! Mommy!! Put me down!” She starts shrieking. Full-on screaming bloody murder right in his ear, and he loses his grip on the wriggling child.

She slides out of his arms and runs into the bedroom, climbing onto the bed and shaking your shoulder.

“Mommy?” She’s got little tears on her face, and they don’t cease when you don’t wake up.

“Why won’t mommy wake up?!” She looks up at Steve with terror written on her face and it shatters his heart in his chest.

“Sarah, mommy’s sick, okay? I had the doctor come over and he said that she needs to rest and when she wakes up we’re gonna need to make sure she’s got plenty of water, okay?”

Sarah’s big blue eyes are filled with tears and she shakes her head.

“I want mommy!”

She clings to your torso, crying against your shoulder in fear.

“Sarah, honey, mommy’s gonna be okay. You just gotta give her some space, okay? How about I set up a movie for you?” Sarah sniffles and slowly pulls away from you, looking at her father and shaking her head again.

“I want mommy! I hate you!”

Steve then realizes just how crucial you are. How important you are, not only to him but to his daughter as well.

Losing you would hurt so many people.

“Honey, you gotta give mommy and I some space, okay?”

He picks up the five-year-old, despite her quite literally kicking and screaming, and sets her down outside the bedroom.

He shuts the door quickly and locks it even faster.

Sarah stands outside, wailing her head off and pounding on the door with her tiny little fists.

She cries for you, over and over again, and it breaks Steve’s heart.

He’s brought back to what you said about him. About how this isn’t love.

He sits down at your side again, trying desperately to drown out the sound of his daughter crying outside as his thoughts overwhelm him.

He hasn’t been the nicest to you, that he’ll openly admit, and he makes mistakes probably more often than he doesn’t. But he loves you. He needs you.

Tears well up in his eyes and he lets out a shuddering breath.

He’ll make this right. He has to. Sarah deserves a mother, so does your unborn baby. And -though he may not deserve you- he needs you. The monster will be hard to fight, but losing you will be harder.

The damage he’s done might be irreversible, but he’s gonna do what he can to make things right, to give you a better life.

You don’t wake up for a few hours, but when you do you’re confused.

Your back aches and you feel a little dizzy as you remember what happened, how you got here.

Steve watches as you regain consciousness, confusion pulling your brows together before you slowly open your eyes.

“How’re you feeling?” He asks softly, rubbing his thumb across your knuckles soothingly.

You look up at him then drop your gaze to your belly, bringing your free hand down to rub it gently.

“Am I... are we okay?” He nods gently, tears in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, (Y/n). I was... I don’t know, trying to teach you a lesson. And all that did was hurt you. Hurt the baby. I wanted to show you that trying to hurt yourself and hurt the baby wouldn’t fly, but I ended up doing far more damage.”

You swallow hard and struggle to push yourself into a seated position, wincing at the throb in your head.

“The doctor said that you shouldn’t move too much, and try to stay on your left side when you sleep. I-I didn't know that sleeping on your back was bad.”

You take a deep breath and look up at him, waiting for the anger to take hold in his eyes but it never does.

“I’m sorry for hurting you. For scaring you and not trusting you. I... I lost you for so many years and now I have you back and... I don’t wanna lose you again. But everything I do to try and keep you close, make you mine... all it does is push you further away and I’m sorry.”

His apology takes you by surprise, and you eye him skeptically.

How are you supposed to know if he’s telling the truth?

He drags one of his hands down his face and for a moment you can truly see just how old Steve Rogers is.

The exhaustion of carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders finally shows in the lines near his eyes, the bags beneath them. But what really displays his age is his eyes. They’re so full of trauma and pain and weariness.

For the first time since waking up from the ice, Steve Rogers looks his age.

“I-I’m sorry, too,” you whisper, surprising him.

“I didn’t... I wasn’t thinking. I just... I wanted to punish you for what happened to Natasha. What you did. I wanted you to hurt but I just ended up hurting myself in the process.” You look down at your hands, trying to figure out how you want to phrase what you have to say.

“People argue, Steve. But what you do... it’s beyond that. We’re not... there are so many things wrong with what’s happening between us, what’s happened already, but I can’t leave. Sarah’s too attached and all I want for my little girl is to have a happy life. To have the happiness that was torn from me.”

Guilt settles on his chest, but he lets you continue speaking.

“I want my daughter to have a good life. I don’t want her to be afraid of-of people. The way I am. She loves you, and I know... I think you love her. You haven’t hurt her yet, and I hope it stays that way because at the rate we’re going, I'm not sure how much longer I’ll be able to do this.”

The pure fatigue on your face is more than enough explanation, but the idea of losing you is too much for him to bear.

“No, don’t say that. I’m gonna get better, okay? We-we were happy once. And we can do it again. I’ll be gentle and patient. I just... I need you, (Y/n). I need you a lot and the fact that you have such a tight hold over my every thought makes me angry. But I’m not gonna take it out on you anymore, okay?”

You let out a deep breath and eye him carefully.

“You’ve said that before.”

He thinks back to the time you spent in that cabin in the woods, where you turned his friends against him.

He has said that before, and look at where he is now.

“This time it’ll be different.”

You don’t have the energy to fight him. So if he’s gonna try, fine.

“Where’s Sarah?” You ask, hoping she’s still safely out with Morgan.

Steve’s face falls again and he stands up and opens the door to your bedroom.

Sarah sits crumpled in a ball, her cheeks covered in tears.

“Mommy!” She all but screams the word, launching to her feet.

Steve tries to take her hand but she yanks it away from him, shooting him a glare then running to the bed and climbing up beside you.

Your heart breaks when you see how sad she looks, and you hug her to your chest.

“It’s okay, baby. Mommy’s okay.” She sniffles and climbs onto your lap, climbing to you like her life depends on it.

You wonder what happened while you were unconscious, what Steve did to upset her so much, and your mind immediately goes to the worst.

You look at the man, your thoughts written plainly across your face, but he quickly shakes his head.

“No. I just told her she couldn’t come in. Not ‘till you woke up. She uh... she stayed right outside the door.”

You soothe your daughter, rocking her as much as you can manage with the pain rolling down your spine.

“It’s okay, baby. Mommy’s okay. Everything’s okay.” You hold her close to you, trying to calm her down while Steve looks on helplessly.

Although his daughter loves him, loves being here with him, nothing can compare to the bond that the two of you have.

The monster in him hates it. Hates that he’s not as close to his own daughter, blames you for it. But he pushes that part of himself down.

He made a promise. And this time he’s not gonna break it.

~

"Are you sure you’re okay with it?” He asks for the thousandth time.

You only shrug, fixing your hair in the mirror as the doorbell rings.

“It’s a little too late now, Steve. Besides, I don’t really care. Sarah’s gonna have fun and that’s all that matters.”

Your daughter took a few days to warm up to Steve again, but now that she has he’s not gonna risk anything changing that.

He takes one last look at you, at how pretty you look in your blue sundress, then leans forward and kisses your cheek.

“I love you, (Y/n). I can send them away.”

You take a deep breath and shake your head.

“Sarah’s excited. Besides, I wanna know what we’re having.”

You plaster on a forced smile and it breaks his heart, but he turns and heads downstairs to greet the guests.

Ever since you got hurt, he’s been nicer. Far gentler than he's ever been with you, and you’re not complaining.

Steve has the potential to be a good person, that much is obvious, but he chooses not to.

He hasn’t hurt you again, or even yelled at you. No, he’s been patient and understanding and it’s such a sharp contrast from who he was before.

You can hear him greeting the guests warmly, chatting on and on about this and that and whatever else.

Taking a deep breath to prepare yourself, you leave the faux safety of the bedroom and head down the stairs, smiling at your guests.

People that you’ve never seen before are in your house. Well, that’s not true. You’ve seen them on TV.

The Avengers are in your living room and kitchen, talking softly amongst themselves.

In the presence of these superheroes, you feel small. Weak. And you can’t fight the urge to find Steve as anxiety crawls up your spine.

He’s in the kitchen, talking animatedly with Tony Stark and Sam Wilson. Iron Man and Falcon.

He looks so at ease, his face split open with a laidback grin.

Sam’s eyes find yours and he says something to Steve, making the blond turn to you with a soft smile.

He waves you over and you obey, one hand resting delicately on your bump.

“Sam, Tony, this is my (Y/n). (Y/n), Sam and Tony.” You nod politely at them, sliding your clammy hand into Steve's nervously.

You haven’t been around this many people in a very long time.

“It’s nice to finally meet the woman who’s got Captain America so hooked! All he does is talk about you,” Sam says, a grin on his face.

You smile at him, looking up at Steve.

He nods encouragingly, smoothing his thumb over your knuckles to try and ease your anxiety.

“It’s nice to meet you, too. I, uh, I’ve heard a lot about you. About both of you.” Tony smiles looking down as someone tugs on his pant leg.

“Can I have a sleepover at Sarah’s house?!” Morgan asks excitedly, her little face full of glee.

“You’re gonna need to go ask your mother. You know she makes all the decisions.”

Tony’s gaze lifts to yours when his daughter runs to find her mom.

“Is it alright if she sleeps over tonight?”

Steve nods then looks at you.

“You alright with that?”

You’re not sure if it’s a real choice or a test, but you don’t want to find out.

“Of course. She’s always welcome here.”

Tony nods with a smile, then resumes whatever conversation they were having before you showed up.

You tune out what they’re saying, carefully rubbing over your stomach and poking at your baby whenever they decide to kick you.

“(Y/n)? Did you wanna help me set the food up outside?” Pepper’s voice breaks you from your trance, her hand coming to rest softly on your shoulder.

You look up at Steve, silently asking for permission, but he just leans down and presses a soft kiss to your lips and lets go of your hand.

You follow Pepper, setting up the table in the backyard silently for a while before she clears her throat.

“How are you feeling, (Y/n)? Sarah told us you were sick.”

You swallow hard and give her a tight smile.

“I’m feeling better. Tired all the time but this little devil is to blame for that.” You poke your belly only to be met with another kick.

Pepper nods, smiling at you.

“Are you excited?”

That question throws you for a loop.

Are you? Are you excited to have another baby?

You’re excited for Sarah to have a sibling. Excited to get to hold your baby and love your baby. But the reason why you’re having the baby in the first place? The father of your baby? No.

“Yeah, I am. A little nervous, too.”

She sits down by your garden, patting the seat next to her.

“You look tired, (Y/n). More tired than a mother should be. You’re wearing yourself thin.” You keep your lips sealed, not wanting to say anything that might make Steve mad.

She sighs and sets a gentle hand on your knee.

“I don’t know what your... relationship is with Steve, but I know you’re unhappy. He’s a good guy, deep down. But you need to take care of yourself, okay? Don’t work yourself to the breaking point because it’ll be even harder to build yourself back up. Especially with a brand new baby.”

You let out a shuddering breath and nod.

“It’s just hard. I’m trying but... it’s hard.”

As you talk softly with Pepper, Steve observes the two of you.

You look so sad, so defeated. He hates that he made you look like that.

“She’s unhappy, Steve.”

He turns to the voice, eyebrows raising.

“Wanda. I didn’t know if you’d make it.” He pulls her into a hug. “I heard about what happened in Westview... Wanda, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

She sighs, pulling away with a sad smile.

“No. But I will be.” Her eyes travel back over to you for a moment, feeling the pain and the sorrow in your soul.

“Do you think she’ll ever be happy here? With me?” Wanda sighs, crossing her arms over her chest and closing her eyes, feeling your thoughts, your energy.

“It’s hard to tell. Right now she’s so... numb. Nothing but sadness and... hopelessness. Her spirit is crushed, Steve.” She reopens her eyes and turns to the blond.

“You can’t keep her here like this. It’s only a matter of time before she gets fed up and tries to do something drastic. Again.”

Steve knows. He fucking knows that. But he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do to lift your spirits.

He's given you more freedom, let you make more decisions for yourself. He’s been gentler with you, hasn't forced himself on you.

Not forcing himself on you isn’t something to gloat about, but given the history between the two of you, it’s something fairly major.

He just wants to keep you in his life. He needs to keep you in his life.

He turns to the young woman beside him, a thought bubbling into his mind.

“Could you... do something to make her happy? Make her enjoy her life here? Make her love me again?”

Wanda’s mouth curves down as she looks at you, watches you play with your daughter and Morgan.

“Steve, it’s not right.”

The blond lets out a pained breath, shaking his head desperately.

“I just want happiness, Wanda. Don’t I deserve it? Haven’t I suffered enough to deserve a happy ending?”

Wanda’s eyes glow red with sorrow as she’s reminded of her own happy ending that she had to give up.

She takes his hand and gives it a squeeze, dropping her gaze for a moment before looking over at his desperate blue eyes.

“We don’t always get what we deserve. It’s hard and it hurts, but we can't control everything. And at some point, we need to let go. No matter how hard it is or how much it hurts. We can’t hurt other people because of what we think we deserve.”

They both look back over to you, your own eyes already on the pair, but dropping as soon as you see them turn to you.

“I’m sorry, Steve. I can’t do that.”

Tears stab at his eyes and he huffs out a breath through his nose, turning on his heel and walking away from the party, from his friends.

His abrupt departure catches the attention of a few people, yourself included. Before you can get up and see what’s going on, Bucky’s on his feet and heading into the house.

The woman Steve was talking to makes her way over to you, smiling gently.

“Hi (Y/n). I’m Wanda.” You smile at her, eyes darting towards where Steve disappeared from then back to her.

Bucky re-emerges only a few moments later, shaking his head at Natasha when she gives him a quizzical look.

You turn to Wanda with a strained smile.

“Could you just watch Sarah for a minute? And make sure she has something to eat? The foods ready.�� She nods, watching with sad eyes as you walk back into the house to see what’s wrong with Steve.

“Steve?” You call softly, looking around for him only to find him sitting on the couch in the living room, his face in his hands.

“Why can’t I have what I want?” His question catches you off guard and you move to stand in front of him.

He shakes his head sadly, pulling his hands off of his face to grab yours, holding them tightly.

His lips brush over your knuckles gently, before he presses the back of your hands against his forehead, dropping his gaze to the floor.

“This isn’t right.”

Your heart races in your chest, stomach tying in knots as you try to figure out what he’s talking about.

“What are you talking about? Is everything okay? Did... did I do something wrong?” Maybe you shouldn’t have talked to Pepper earlier. Maybe you should’ve just stayed quiet and smiled.

“I can’t keep you here.”

One sentence. Five words. Sixteen letters.

That’s all it takes to have your heart stuttering.

“What... what do you mean you can’t keep me here?” You try your hardest not to let your hopes get too high. Maybe he’s going to kill you. Maybe that’s what it is. It’s certainly something more up his alley than... the alternative.

He slowly raises his head, teary red eyes staring up into yours. 

“You know what I mean.”

You shake your head, needing to hear him say it himself.

“What are you saying, Steve?”

He lets out a heavy sigh and closes his eyes, the words hurting him but he needs to say them.

“You're free to go. You and Sarah.”

The breath gets knocked from your lungs, eyes wide as tears start to blossom. This is a trap. A test. It has to be. There’s no way...

“You’re letting us go?” You ask softly.

He sighs again, nodding as tears find their way down his cheeks.

“Yeah... I guess I am.”

You’re silent, staring at him and waiting for him to tell you it’s a joke, to punish you. But he doesn’t. No, instead he lets go of one of your hands and stands up, his chest almost brushing yours.

“You said I don’t love you... but I do. I love you. Or maybe I love the idea of you, I don’t know. But either way... I hate how sad you are. How sad and afraid I make you. You're free to go wherever you want.”

You’re practically hyperventilating.

After all this time, you never truly thought he’d ever let you go. That he’d have even a shred of decency left inside him.

He cups your hands together and carefully places something inside them, then turns and walks to the front door, grabbing his keys and leaving the house.

You stand silently, staring at the object in your hands until standing becomes too hard and you think you may throw up.

Then you sit down, silent tears trekking down your cheeks.

“(Y/n)?” You’re not sure how long you’ve been sitting on the couch, staring at your hands, but Natasha’s voice pulls you from your thoughts.

“(Y/n), are you okay? Where’s Steve?”

You stare up at her then look back down at the tiny, life-changing object in your hands.

“He let us go,” you whisper, your glossy eyes raising to hers again.

She looks half as shocked as you feel.

“What?”

You sniffle then wipe the tears off of your cheeks.

“He’s letting us go,” you repeat, pushing yourself to your feet and holding your bump.

“Really?” You nod, eyes finding the backyard through the kitchen window.

Sarah and Morgan are playing outside with Sam and Wanda.

“What are you gonna do?”

Your heart is so full of confusion, full of pain and hurt.

“I’m gonna go cut the cake, then have a talk with Sarah.” She nods, a small smile on her face.

She heads back outside and you take a few deep breaths, trying to calm down before you go out and face Steve’s friends.

You toy with the dainty thing he dropped in your hands before nodding to yourself.

This is what’s right. It’s the right choice for both of you.

You entertain his guests for a few more hours, not wanting to clue them into anything in case they disagree with your decision, with Steve’s.

Only after the presents are given and the cake is almost completely devoured do they finally start to leave.

Wanda helps you tidy up the backyard, writing her phone number down with a soft smile and a whispered ‘if you ever need a friend’.

Everyone bids you goodbye until only Bucky and Nat are left, the metal-armed soldier staring intently at your left hand before a smile spreads across his face.

He surprises you, pulling you into a gentle hug and nodding his head.

“Congratulations, (Y/n).” You’re not sure what he’s talking about, but for some reason, you don’t think it has anything to do with the baby shower.

They leave too, and then you’re virtually alone, Sarah and Morgan asleep upstairs.

After cleaning up every last inch of the house, you head upstairs to go to sleep.

Steve isn’t home until after midnight, long after he lets his tears run dry and his heart stop shattering. It just aches now. Hurts.

He let you go. He really did it.

Deep down he knew this would be the outcome. Either this or your death, but he never wanted to accept it. Refused to admit it to himself.

But seeing Wanda... after all that she’s been through... and she’s still standing strong.

He takes his shoes off and drops his keys on the kitchen counter, freezing in his tracks when he sees the covered plate of cake with his name written on it.

The batter is blue.

A boy.

He’s gonna have a son.

A son that he’ll never get to meet. He’s given you freedom, and he doubts you’ll let him be a part of your child’s life after all that he’s put you through.

He slowly makes his way upstairs, his heart hurting when he sees no sign of your things in the pristine house.

When he pushes open the bedroom door he freezes in his tracks.

There you are, sleeping in his bed. No bags are packed, nothing is out of place, and the dainty diamond ring sits on your finger.

You’ve made your choice, he realizes, his heart jumping for joy in his chest.

He sheds his clothes then climbs into bed with you, wrapping you up in his arms and sighing heavily.

Maybe Wanda was wrong.

Maybe he’ll get his happy ending after all.

[babyjamiebarnes]

Build-A-Bear

Part Eleven

Featuring: Bucky x Stark!reader, dad!Tony, Steve, Sam, Peter, OC background characters

Warnings: language, sexual implications and references, blackmail

Summary: Bucky decides it’s time to come clean to Tony, consequences be damned. Steve has his own bombshell, of sorts.

Author’s Note: Hi. I’m a lazy piece of crud. I wanted to post this earlier but I suck. It’s kinda short too, at least compared to previous parts. There will probably only be a couple parts left, maybe 2-3? I’m posting these chapters as I write so tbd in length lol. And as always, feel free to buy me a coffee!

Tags: @amourmarvel @fangirlvoice @kennedywxlsh @devilswaldorf @what-the-hap-is-fuckning @alyispunk @fredweasleysbitchh @wearegroot @sunflowerbebe107 @prestigious-tea @brckenmemories @angelbabymed @charmedbysarge @cruelsummer-s

Series Masterlist

“Are you fucking insane?”

Everyone moved back to your apartment to avoid freaking poor Matt out any more. And now there was a standoff in your living room.

“It’s the only course of action that makes sense,” Bucky said in his defense.

“Buck, her dad will skin you alive if he sees those pictures,” Sam said. “Even if he’s somehow fine with it, she’ll lose her job!”

“If we don’t do this, that kid downstairs loses his family!” Bucky shouted back.

Sam groaned in exasperation and ran his hands over his face. “There’s gotta be a way to get the money.”

“There’s not,” you said defeatedly. All eyes turn to you. They initially looked to you for guidance, but your reliance on Bucky gave him the wheel on your own personal highway to hell. “Even if we do give this person the money, there’s only one person we can get that kind of cash from. Bucky’s right. We have to tell my dad.”

“[Y/N], maybe we should brainstorm some other options,” Peter nearly whispered, keeping his voice soft in the midst of the chaos. “I don’t want you to lose your job.”

“I’ll quit,” Bucky said suddenly. “I’ll quit being an Avenger and just do, fuck, private security? Or something.”

You could see the stress and fear and frustration written on his face. In a couple steps, you were standing in front of him and were able to cup his scruffy cheeks as you spoke.

“We’ll figure all that out later.” You perked up on your toes and gave him a short kiss. “But right now, we’re on a bit of a time crunch. I’d like to end this sooner rather than later so… let’s tell Tony.”

With Peter willingly sitting in the open trunk area of the Jeep, everyone was able to fit in one car back to the Tower. The tension inside the vehicle could’ve been cut, sliced, and diced with a knife. No one wanted to say anything, but no one really knew what to say anyway.

Steve was still silent. He didn’t say a word when you discussed telling Tony, but you could practically see the gears turning in his head. He had something to say, he just wasn’t saying it.

By the time you got to the Tower, you felt like you were gonna throw up. You held the envelope with the letter and media tight in your grasp, only letting go to open your door. The second your feet touched the garage floor, Bucky was right beside you.

He kept a firm grip on your hand, squeezing a little extra so you knew he was there with you and wasn’t going to let anything bad (worse) happen. Knowing he was willing to risk his entire livelihood for you made you love him even more. But you knew if it came down to it, you’d give up your position with the Avengers. Even with only two years spent at Stark Industries — just under a year spent with the Avengers (and nearly a year with Bucky) — you’d have no problem getting a new job with any other company. Bucky’s skills were put to the best use saving the world.

As the elevator approached the floor with your dad’s office, Sam finally broke the silence.

“Do you want us to be in there with you? I’m thinking it might be better if it’s just you two.”

You turned to see Peter wringing his hands, subconsciously agreeing with Sam — he clearly didn’t want to be in the room when all this went down but was putting on a brave face to be a good support system. Steve still stood silent with his arms crossed over his chest. Whatever was going on in that head was still festering.

“I think you’re right,” you agreed with Sam. “We’ll come find you once he gets the news.”

Your eyes met Bucky’s and even though he was trying to remain confident for you, there was fear behind those baby blues.

“We’ll be okay,” you said just loudly enough for him to hear.

When you reached the floor you’d been dreading, Sam, Steve, and Peter all turned to go to their designated rooms, partially because it had been a while since all of them had been back, partially to stay far away from the impending outburst.

You took a deep breath and started toward Tony’s office, just to be pulled back into Bucky’s arms. He held you tight, nuzzling his face in your hair and just holding you. You gripped the back of his shirt in response and just took a moment to appreciate the hard muscles of his chest and the weight of his arms around you.

“We’re gonna be okay,” you whispered.

Bucky let out a breath and kissed the crown of your head.

“I don’t want to lose you.”

This made you pull back and look up at him.

“Lose me? Bucky, I’m not going to let this affect us. No matter what happens, I’m not going anywhere. I love you too much, Bucky Bear.”

The affectionate nickname made him smile, even if it was just a little quirk of the lips.

“I love you too, Build-A-Bear.”

You let him hold you for a couple more minutes before leading him to your dad’s closed office door. When you slowly pushed the door open, you saw Tony sitting behind his desk with half a dozen holographic screens open in front of him.

“Hey pumpkin, what are you doing here?” he asked, barely taking his eyes off his work for a second.

“Um, I kind of really need to talk to you.” Despite being on close speaking terms with your dad — the kind where you felt comfortable swearing in front of him and joking with him, even sharing some of your secrets — you felt like this was crossing a line.

Of course it was. You were in bed with (his perception of) the enemy.

Tony could tell something was wrong by how timid you sounded. You were always loud and bubbly with him — a quality you definitely got from him. He swiped all of the screens closed and walked around the large desk to stand in front of you. He briefly met Bucky’s eyes as the super soldier stood close behind you.

“What’s going on?”

“You-you should probably sit down for this,” you said shakily. Tony took the seat nearest you instead of walking back behind his desk. “So… you know how I’ve been dating James for, like, 10, 11ish months now?”

“And I still haven’t met him?” Tony said with a quirked brow.

“Yeah.” You forced a chuckle. “Well, when we were going through mail this morning, I… I got this.”

You held up the envelope before sliding out the letter and handing it to your dad. His expression went from curious to furious in seconds as his eyes scanned the entire page.

“They sent pictures. Pictures taken through my apartment windows of me and James. Being… intimate.”

“James who?” your dad asked, still staring at the letter. When you didn’t reply, he looked you in the eye, his expression hard as he demanded, “[Y/N], what is James’s last name?”

You took a short breath, the most your anxiety-gripped lungs could handle, and avoided his gaze as you replied.

“Barnes.”

Tony shot up from his seat, his eyes moving from you to the man behind you. The familiar feeling of a metal hand on your lower back helped ease the anxiety coursing through you at your dad’s reaction. When Tony took a step toward Bucky, you countered with a panicked step between them, looking up at your dad and pleading.

“He didn’t know who I was.”

“Bullshit,” Tony spat. He and Bucky were glaring at each other over your head.

“He didn’t, I swear. He found out the same day everyone else did.”

The grinding of his teeth let you know he was seething. But trying to hold it together for now.

“Let me see the rest,” Tony said calmly, holding his hand out. You reluctantly dropped the photos and DVD into his open palm. Bucky didn’t want to get too affectionate, so he just rested his hand on your hip while Tony flipped through the photos.

Everything was back in order, so he went through the same sequence you did: pap photos, to apartment photos, to sex photos. You could tell when the pictures turned raunchy by the way Tony’s face contorted, tossing the photos down shortly after.

“Friday, play the disc,” he commanded. The video played against the only blank wall in the room, the audio of you and Bucky playing through the speakers.

“Dad, you really don’t need to —” you started, quickly stopped by a sharp glare from your father.

“What are you gonna do to me?”

“I’m gonna put a baby in you. I’m gonna cum inside this tight pussy until you can’t take it anymore.”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Tony nearly growled. “Friday, shut it off.”

“I tried to tell you,” you murmured under breath, though not loud enough for him to hear. Bucky did hear it though, evident by the way he squeezed your hip.

Tony leaned forward against his desk, hanging his head in clear frustration. You knew better than to speak up while he contained his emotions, so you stood in silence with Bucky as your dad sighed heavily and spoke to himself under his breath.

“You just have something against me, don’t you?” Tony said accusingly to Bucky.

“Don’t do that,” you scoffed. “You don’t get to do that. If you’re going to get mad at anyone, it needs to be me.” You never got snappy with your dad, but everything weighing on your shoulders frayed your nerves and his attitude didn’t do anything to fix it. “I’m the one who knew full well what we were doing. I’m the one who had all the details. I’m the one who chose to risk everything for this from the start. So if you’re really that mad, take it out on me. Otherwise, help us. We’ll get to the semantics and firing and all that bullshit later. Right now, there are literal lives on the line.”

Tony was still fuming until he heard the last line.

“What do you means ‘lives on the line’?”

Bringing Steve, Sam, and Peter in helped all of you explain what happened, from the note you received to the first viewing of the photos and video to the confrontation with Matt, but not without Tony grilling all of them about when and how they found out about you and Bucky. Peter looked nervous about keeping a secret from his boss, but you knew your dad wouldn’t do anything too bad to the kid. Maybe kick him off a couple missions, but nothing noteworthy. Steve and Sam looked like they really couldn’t care less, especially since Sam was the last to know.

Despite still wanting to rip Bucky’s arm off and beat him with it, Tony remained civil for your sake, at least until all of this was sorted.

The first step was getting Peter, Happy, and Pepper to try to track down where the letters came from, which likely meant scanning for fingerprints (despite how many hands held it that day alone). The second step was for you, Bucky, Tony, Sam, and Steve to scope out your building and any neighboring buildings someone may have been scoping your apartment from. There was no one someone could’ve been dangling outside your windows without you noticing. The third step was meeting with your doorman again to try to piece together some answers.

You all agreed to keep local law enforcement out of it so the culprit didn’t catch on as quickly. Having a few Avengers and Tony Stark show up at Tony’s daughter’s apartment wasn’t out of the ordinary so you could still stay under wraps. There was no reason to draw attention to your place and possibly trigger the mystery person into accelerating their plans.

With your dad’s confidence in the plan, you gradually grew more and more optimistic about the plan. If all else failed, Tony would get the two million and continue tracking the fucker down. It wouldn’t be hard to sneak a tracker into the cash and watch where it goes once it’s out of your hands. That’s when you could bring in local law enforcement.

It felt like things were finally going your way.

As you and your crew headed downstairs to drive back to your place, Steve grabbed your arm and tugged you to the side.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” he asked quietly.

You nodded and followed him down the hall; Bucky was busy talking to Sam and Tony was on the phone briefing Rhodey so he could stand guard outside your doorman’s place for a while, giving you the perfect opportunity to step away for a minute. When Steve pulled you into a side room, you finally spoke up.

“What’s up? Is everything okay?”

Steve crossed his arms and huffed. That signature frown of his softened when he met your concerned gaze.

“I know we’re not necessarily close, but I consider you a friend. You know that, right?”

“I consider you a friend too,” you said with a nod.

“What I’m about to say... I need you to keep it between us. Don’t tell Bucky or Sam or Peter or your dad. Just between us, at least for now. Okay?”

“O-okay...? You’re making me nervous, Steve,” you admitted. “What’s going on?”

“I think I know who’s blackmailing you.”

[biconicfinn]

Sam/T'Challa Headcanons

just some general headcanons for my faves <3

i dont remember much of the mcu timelines anymore but whatever have this post okay thank you

i'm thinking maybe they get together post-ca:cw, t'challa helps shelter steve, bucky, sam, clint, scott, and wanda in wakanda for a while so they can recover

obvs bucky goes into cryo and then i'm thinking maybe clint takes wanda under his wing and goes on the run, maybe scott joins them too idk i didn't spend too much time thinking about it

so it's just steve, sam, and cryo bucky

steve spends most of his time talking to bucky and moping and being generally Emo but eventually starts going stir-crazy so he turns his usual captain america suit into the nomad one, and heads off to go be a vigilante fugitive

meanwhile sam decides to stay in wakanda; he hasn't had a chance to just be in a long, long time, not since captain america first knocked on his door asking for a safe place. he stays in a small little apartment in the capital city, kinda near the palace so people can still keep an eye on him

over several weeks sam establishes a routine: wake up, go for a run around the neighbourhood (cutting through the public gardens at the palace), come back home and work out, shower, eat breakfast, go out on a patrol with the border tribe around the area, explore the city and practice xhosa along the way, check in with sarah, lunch, check in with steve and bucky, read, sleep, repeat.

he finds a purpose in the help he gives his neighbours, helping the older lady next door with errands at the market, telling the kids stories about what it feels like to fly with your own wings, joining the border tribe on their patrols around the city

occasionally he runs into the generous (and gorgeous) king who gracefully allows him to stay in wakanda in peace while running through the palace gardens

t'challa rises with the sun and often runs in the morning to get at least some form of training in; crucial on days where he's stuck in meetings

sometimes the two run into each other—once literally, and okoye never lets t'challa hear the end of how he was so very flustered by sam wilson taking off his shirt to cool off and the sight of him all hot and sweaty and half-naked made him freeze and run right into said man—and sam has to come to terms with the fact that getting lapped by superhuman attractive men (though he personally prefers t'challa over steve) is just his life now

typically sam opens their conversation with a cat pun that makes t'challa fight back a smile and respond with something so dry and deadpan, couched in the characteristic diplomatic quality he uses it takes sam a minute to reply and react

but when sam does understand, t'challa is met with a charming half-smirk half-smile that makes his heart trip and he relies on all his diplomatic training to remain neutral or at the most amused at sam's comments

the conversations grow slowly, from casual one-liners and sarcastic quips to sam's stories of riley and sarah and his community back in delacroix, and t'challa's anecdotes about growing up in wakanda

soon enough, what starts off as a brief conversation during a part of their respective runs becomes a standing daily routine run together, the two becoming fast friends, admiring one another's loyalty, dedication, honesty, and determination

of course, because sam and t'challa are sam and t'challa, the platonic friendship with a side of appreciative attraction slowly becomes a crush

and it's not just the funny stories and misadventures they share with one another, but the sleepless nights and trauma and grief and healing too

sam couldn't sleep one night and went for a walk in the gardens he ran into an equally sleepless t'challa and so began yet another routine for them; to sit in the gardens at a clearing where the stars were bright and plentiful and visible, so vast that sam felt an ache in his bones to be up there, to be in the skies along the stars, and he realised that if there was anyone he wanted to be up there with him, it was the man sitting next to him in quiet contemplation, shoulders slumped slightly, expression handsomely brooding; the man behind the mantles of king and black panther

t'challa found himself wandering towards the gardens on those nights he couldn't sleep, when the weight of the crown and his legacy and the nation weighed so heavily on him that he felt he would crumble under it, he sought out the clearing in the garden, and more importantly, the man with his soul in the skies, his heart wherever he could help people

some nights were quiet for the most part, a brief check-in with one another before just simply taking comfort in one another's company. others were filled with conversation, those deep talks you only feel safe having in the dead of night, when the only thing awake and alive is nature, when every word is just that much more honest and real

losing parents and partners, the responsibilities of leadership, recovery and healing; just some of the things the two talk about when they can be just them, no titles or nationalities or protocol there to censor them

over morning runs and late-night conversations, sharing music and food and language and culture, and impromptu excursions to the city or beyond they grow close and find that their feelings are getting more and more difficult to ignore, both wanting more than just a friendship

it's not during a morning run or nighttime confession that they admit their feelings, but over a shared lunch together

they're eating a simple picnic lunch near the warrior falls where t'challa will soon undergo the first part of his coronation ritual and offer the people of wakanda to send a representative to fight him in ritual combat for the throne

the view of the falls is spectacular, and sam's wide-eyed face of awe and wonder, bright smile shining with all the warmth of the sun makes t'challa feel like he could take on the entire country in ritual combat and come out the other side victorious if sam continues to smile at him like that and if they had more time then they would probably go for a swim, but they don't so here they are, alone at the falls, the rush of water and the sounds of the river fauna their only company

they're laying on a blanket on the grass, watching the clouds, and sam feels just as at peace on the ground with t'challa next to him then he's ever felt with his wings in the skies

during a discussion about the coronation where t'challa answers the questions sam asks him. the subject turns to his duties as king, and sam asks about whether t'challa is expected to marry a woman in order to produce heirs for the throne. he knows wakanda doesn't discriminate against people for sexuality or gender identity, but the duties of a king are to ensure the legacy of the royal bloodline is preserved isn't it?

t'challa laughs, and says that while the royal bloodline is important, there is no restriction on who the king (or queen) marries, as long as they would be able to connect with the people, serve and help the people of wakanda the way any good ruler should

"so what i'm hearing is all's fair in love and war"

"i guess you could say that"

"so if gender and sexuality don't matter; does nationality?"

"perhaps in the past yes, but i feel wakanda is changing, and that it will not be such a concern moving forward"

"even if the king were to be with, say, a fugitive american ex-pararescue-slash-ex-avenger?"

t'challa turns to face sam, heart caught in his throat as he processes just what sam said, takes in the hopeful and tentative look in his eyes masked by a slightly wavering tone of jest and hunour, as he shifts to mirror him.

the moment stretches out for what feels like an eternity before t'challa can respond

"for you, my falcon, i think we can make an exception"

their lips meet, the two smiling too much for the kiss to be anything other than as sweet and warm as honey and sunshine, and sam wraps his arms around t'challa, bringing the king on top of him, and two exchange soft kisses and softer words until t'challa gets called away, promising to meet later not just for their near-nightly rendezvous, but for dinner in t'challa's private quarters

okay so that's all for now! i kinda hate how this turned out but whatever it's done!! taglist under the cut! if anyone didn't want to be added i'm sorry just let me know and i'll delete!

@sambuckies @thewondrouspickle @tchalcons @like-butterflies-and-glitter @shadowyenthusiaststudentus @vodka-infused-unicorn @cassleia @finger-lickin-fuckboy @twisterss

[imagine-loki]

Blushing in His Colours, Chapter 12

TITLE: Blushing in His Colours CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 12 AUTHOR: fanficshiddles ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki being a Daddy Dom, his adores and loves his little, worships the ground she walks on. She has vaginismus, but he couldn’t be more supportive with her. RATING: M

Loki watched the team carefully as they lounged around. Mia was lying on the sofa next to him, with her head on his lap. He was stroking her hair gently while she watched TV, but he was too occupied. He was trying to figure out who would be best to talk to about his… problem.

Thor would be of no use, he didn’t want to go to Tony or Clint, knowing they would likely blab to the rest of the team and take the piss out of him. Vision especially would likely spill the beans.

He didn’t want to ask any of the girls, it would likely get back to Mia that way.

So that left either Bruce or Steve as the best candidate…

When Mia went to bed, Loki managed to get Steve alone in the kitchen. Steve looked at Loki suspiciously as he was hovering around.

‘Alright, Loki?’

‘I… need your advice on something.’ Loki said, slightly irritated he was actually asking a mortal for help.

Steve looked surprised. ‘Uh, sure. What is it?’ Steve sat down with a drink and Loki swiftly sat down opposite him, tapping the table.

‘You do not tell anyone else of this conversation.’ Loki said firmly, glaring over at him.

Steve raised an eyebrow and shrugged. ‘Ok…’

‘I mean it, this does not reach anyone else’s ears.’

‘Alright, alright. What is it?’ Steve thought it must be important if a God was coming to him for advice. He had never seen him looking so… uncertain.

Loki looked away for a moment and then back to Steve. ‘I have an issue, with Mia. Sexually… Whenever she uses her mouth on me, I can barely last ten seconds. I never used to have an issue with blowjobs, but with Mia I can’t seem to control myself.’ Loki blurted out.

Steve smirked, holding back a chuckle. Loki glared at him across the table.

‘I knew I shouldn’t have come to you.’ Loki sneered and stood up abruptly.

‘No, no, Loki. I’m sorry. It’s just, I never thought I would have a God coming to me for advice about sex.’ Steve said apologetically.

Loki sighed angrily and sat down again, arms over his chest.

‘So… You just lose control, find her too sexy to last around her?’ Steve asked.

‘Seems so.’ Loki nodded.

‘Well, what does she say about it? Does it bother her that you can’t last long?’

‘No, she says she rather likes it.’

‘So what’s the problem?’ Steve leaned back in his chair as he waited for Loki to answer.

‘I want to last longer. It’s ridiculous that I can’t!’

‘Well… have you tried thinking about something not sexy?’

‘Tried that.’ Loki huffed.

‘I really don’t see the problem, Loki. If she doesn’t mind it happening and likes it, why worry about it? Maybe she finds it endearing, that you find her so sexy you can’t control yourself. I think it just bothers you that this is something you don’t seem to have impeccable control and self-restraint over.’ Steve shrugged.

Loki’s jaw clenched and he wasn’t happy with that suggestion. But when he actually thought about it, he realised that Steve was right. It was annoying him because it was something he couldn’t control. He ran his hand down his face and groaned.

‘So, what… I should just accept it?’

Steve nodded. ‘I’d say so. It might get easier over time, but just enjoy each other and have fun. Surely if you make sure she gets plenty of pleasure too, it doesn’t really matter. You do make sure she has fun too, right?’

‘Of course I do! How dare you think otherwise.’

‘Ok, ok.’ Steve put his hands up in defence. ‘Well there you go, there’s no problem if you’re both enjoying it. I used to have that problem when I was younger with a girl I dated for a while, couldn’t last long at all during intercourse.’ He shrugged.

‘During intercourse?’ Loki questioned, raising an eyebrow.

‘Yep. I’m sure a blowjob from her would’ve been the same, I just couldn’t control myself.’

Loki swallowed hard. ‘Thanks for your help, Steve.’ He nodded at him, then swiftly left the room.

‘Just talk to her!’ Steve shouted just before he disappeared.

Steve was slightly bewildered at the conversation, unable to believe it had happened, but at the same time he felt a little honoured that Loki chose to go to him for advice.

Loki lay in bed and his mind was racing. He had never even thought about when they were to have intercourse when she was ready. If he came so fast in her mouth, he knew he would have no chance inside her… Especially with how tight she would be.

‘Oh, what am I going to do?’ He ran his hand down his face.

-

A few days later, Loki went back to his room after a small mission with the team. As soon as he walked in, he could sense that she was here…

Smirking to himself, he looked around the room carefully. ‘Where oh where is my little Mia?’ He cooed, starting to wander around.

He managed to zone in pretty quickly to where she was, listening carefully for her breathing. She was hiding underneath his bed. But he decided to tease her, looking elsewhere first.

‘Hmm, is she in the wardrobe?’ Loki hummed as he wandered over to said wardrobe and opened it, pretending to look inside. ‘Nope… she’s not in here. Where else could she be?’

Mia could see his boots as he walked around his room, looking for her. She put her hand over her mouth to stop herself from giggling.

She looked round over her shoulder when she saw him walking around the bed to the other side, behind her. Before she could turn around, Loki reached under and grabbed her ankle. She screeched and laughed as he carefully dragged her out from underneath the bed.

Loki chuckled when she turned around to look up at him, she was about to try scrambling away but was stunned. She had never seen him in his full armour with the helmet and cape included. But as he towered over her now, she felt intimidated by his presence, remembering he was a God, but mainly, extremely turned on.

Loki noticed her eyes widen as she froze, staring up at him. He smirked and leaned down to scoop her up into his arms, tickling her a little as he then cradled her to him. She wrapped her legs around his waist.

‘You look stunned, sweetling?’ He grinned, his hand slipping to her bottom to support her and the other came up to smooth her hair back from her face so he could see her properly.

‘Just… uhm… never seen you… wearing all this before.’ She said quietly, cheeks bright red as she looked up at his helmet.

‘You’ve seen me in my armour before.’ Loki chuckled.

‘Yeah… but not with… helmet… and… cape… too.’ She nibbled her lower lip slightly nervously.

Loki raised an eyebrow at her and cupped her cheek. ‘Am I making you nervous, sweetling?’

‘Not… not nervous, per say… but just…’ She shrugged, unsure of where she was going with it. Loki chuckled again when she then decided to hide her face in against his neck. He rubbed her back and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

‘You know… This helmet would make for good handles for you to hold on to.’ He purred, moving slowly towards the bed.

He heard a small gasp from her, making him grin.

Mia found herself swiftly placed down on his bed, with him looming over her as he removed her jeans and knickers in one. Winking up at her playfully, he moved straight in and draped her legs over his shoulders.

She let out a moan as he started feasting upon her. She did exactly as he had suggested and reached down to grab hold of his horns tightly. It was nice having something so sturdy to hold, and the sight of the God between her thighs like that was the most arousing sight she had ever seen.

After Loki had bestowed multiple orgasms upon her, and Mia had gone down on Loki too, making him cum embarrassingly quick as usual, the two lay together in one another’s arms. Completely naked, aside from Loki’s cape that was wrapped snugly around Mia. The soft velvet felt so good against her bare skin.

‘So uhm… I ordered some dilators…’ Mia said quietly, glancing up to him.

‘Oh?’

‘Yeah. I thought they might be… useful to try. You know… expand myself a bit.’ She said shyly. ‘But I… was wondering if you would help me with them, when they arrive?’

Loki smiled and stoked her back lazily. ‘Of course I will, my little sweetling. We could have a lot of fun with them.’ He wiggled his eyebrows, making her giggle. ‘But I hope you aren’t rushing yourself, you know there is no rush at all.’ He said softly.

‘I know… But I do want to be able to have sex, sooner than later. Do you not want to?’ She asked, concerned.

Loki frowned. ‘Of course I do, darling. Why would you think I don’t?’

‘It’s just… I thought men were… well, often thinking of the main goal at the end. But you don’t…’ Mia said honestly.

‘Oh baby girl.’ Loki sat up more and cupped her face, keeping her eyes on him. ‘Of course having sex with you would be incredible and it is something I very much look forward to. But I am having so much fun with you as we are, and we haven’t even gotten started yet! Look, I will be honest with you… I’m struggling to come to terms with the fact I can’t last ten seconds in your mouth, I know it will be even worse when I do get inside of you.’

Mia was slightly stunned to hear that confession. ‘Really?’

‘Mmhmm. You’re just far too gorgeous, I can’t handle you.’ Loki smirked.

Mia giggled and put her face down against his chest. ‘So… Going slow is for both of us? Not just me?’ She asked as she raised her head to look at him again.

‘It is.’ Loki nodded, tracing his fingers down the side of her face. ‘I need to learn to control myself better around you. And you need to learn to just enjoy the fun, to not put pressure on yourself.’

Mia nodded in agreement. ‘I uhm… I hope you know I truly don’t mind, that you cum so quickly. I really like it actually. I…’ She paused, looking a bit embarrassed.

‘Tell me, sweetling. What is it?’

‘I think I have a weird obsession with cum…’ She blurted out, laughing and hiding her face again.

Loki laughed with her and tickled her sides, making her squeal and reveal her face. He rolled them over so she was underneath him and he cupped her chin. ‘That is a wonderful obsession. What is it about it, hmm? Do you enjoy swallowing it?’ Loki hummed.

Mia nodded. ‘It… it’s kind of… like… well… having something from inside you, inside me excites me… If that doesn’t sound stupid or weird.’

‘Not at all. Rather erotic I’d say.’ He purred and kissed her. ‘And if I keep going at the rate I am, cumming every ten seconds, your stomach will soon be full of me.’ 

Loki started kissing all over her face, making her laugh hysterically. 

-

As Loki lay there later that night, with Mia tucked under his arm and her head on his chest as she slept soundly, he realised that Steve was right. Just talking to her, even if he was a little embarrassed, was the solution.

He realised that it wasn’t just Mia that had to be open and honest. It was him too.

[yikesharringrove]

hello! i know you’re on a break and you don’t have to write this but i just thought of this and i’m a little obsessed with the idea so i thought i’d share! Imagine Olympian Steve and Billy, like snowboarder Billy and ice skater Steve (who could also be non-binary or gender non conforming) ?? and they are both super dedicated and they meet at the olympics one year and just hit it off, start dating in secret beacuse they don’t want the press that comes with being a olympic couple (part 1)

(part 2) and the only people that know are close friends but then when they show up for the olympics a few years after they met something happens to one of them, my thought is Billy totally crashes and gets hurt and steve doesn’t even know until after he preformed and he’s sitting with his coach and a reporter is giving an update on billy’s condition and steve overhears it and just breaks down, and people are filming him just sobbing his eyes out... (part 3) Steve ends up getting in the top three but they can barley stand on the podium they are so freaked out nobody’s telling them anything and he can’t even pull the significant other card to go see him because then he’s outing them and it’s very awful meanwhile Billy, whose doing pretty good just like a broken arm or something, is sitting in a hospital bed watching steve preform and being very proud and hen promptly freaking out because steve is suddenly bawling... (part 4) finally steve is able to go see billy and they are literally so relived to see he’s doing ok but they are both big time emotional and the internet is already theorizing about why steve was so freaked out so they decide to come out about their relationship and steve just plans on like casually mentioning it during an interview but billy decides to be extra and proposed to steve on live tv, they end up crying a lot more but obviously say yes (sorry this was so long)

-

This request has awakened my deep seeded LOVE of Shaun White. He was one of my first famous people crushes back when he was mostly skateboarding and let me TELL YOU the most recent winter olympic games, when he made his come back, and he almost didn’t get gold, but then he DID and the announcer went “the flying tomato flew again tonight!” I LOST IT!!!1

Plus I like the winter games more than the summer ones 🤷‍♀️

The beginning is loosely based off the fact that the Olympic Village is apparently just like, one big orgy the whole time lmao

-

“Well, aren’t you a pretty little thing.”

Billy, of course, knew who Steve Harrington is. His eyes had been glued to the screen in the PT room as he watched Steve compete, sakting beautifully in the Men’s Individuals to earn silver and make it look easy, helping the U.S. team to earn overall gold.

Granted, Billy had walked away with golds in slopestyle and halfpipe, and he wanted to celebrate.

Steve turned to Billy, dark eyes flicking over him.

“No thank you.” They turned back around, finishing their drink and placing the empty cup on the bar top.

“I’m, sorry?”

“I said no thank you.”

“No thank you to what?”

“To having sex with you.”

“I never said anything about having sex?”

“You slid over here, called me pretty, and gave me hard bedroom eyes. You wanna plow me, and I’m just not in the mood.” They went to push past Billy, put he took their wrist, holding loosely.

“Look, I’m sorry. I really did just come over to talk. I respect the hell out of you. You’re incredibly talented and just came onto the scene. I mean, this is your first Olympics, right?” They glanced at him through their lashes, nodding slowly. “I took me, like two games before I even got bronze. You’re a fucking good athlete. Just wanted to say.” He let go of their wrist. They bit their lip.

“You wanna buy me a drink? Keep telling me what a good athlete I am?” Billy grinned as they slip back into their stool.

-

Billy threw himself onto the couch, head resting in Steve’s lap. He groaned loudly, tracking Steve’s face for some kind of response.

He groaned again, louder this time. Steve bit their lip, trying not to laugh as they watched the tv.

He groaned one more time.

“Oh, gosh, Billy. Didn’t even notice you down here.”

They had stayed up all night that first night they met in person, had talked for hours about how they found their respective sports, what growing up was like.

Steve came from a little town in the Midwest. A little town in the Midwest that bred hockey players like nowhere else. Steve’s father had put them in hockey when they were young enough to stand on skates, but then Steve started showing a rapidly growing interest in figure skating, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Billy was always a skateboarder at heart. He grew up in California, bumming around the Venice Beach skate park with his friends whenever they could, skipping school to grind rails. And then his dad got married, and uprooted the whole family, moving them a few states over to fucking Utah. Billy figured snowboarding was close enough to skating that he could figure it out. So he did. And he loved it.

He and Steve had moved in together three years ago, almost exactly a year into their relationship. Steve wanted to begin working with a new coach, so Billy packed up his boards, and moved his shit back to California, Billy training most days at Mammoth Mountain.

“My body hurts.” He had been training hard, they both had, as the games were fast approaching.

“I mean, do you want me to actually help, or do you want me to help?” Steve’s long fingers were trailing along Billy’s chest. Billy just groaned.

“I gotta go ice. You can help later.” He tugged Steve down to press a kiss to their lips, heading off to fill the bathtub with ice, sink down low into it.

The opening ceremony was in less than two weeks, and Billy was fucking excited. He was in peak shape, had been perfecting his backside triple 1440 nosegrab.

He stretched out his sore muscles in the ice, made a mental note to get in with his PT tomorrow.

-

It had been a grueling week.

Billy had Steve had barely seen one another in between training and PT appointments and competing.

And of course the Men’s Figure Skating Final took place a few hours after the Men’s Slopestyle Final. Billy had already secured gold in the halfpipe.

Steve was sitting in their skates, stretching out before heading out to the ice.

They cleared their mind, going over their program again and again.

They got ready to take the ice.

They flew through their program, hitting every jump, every spin beautifully, trying not to cry as they left the ice.They knew they had fucking nailed it.

They stood, waiting for their marks.

“Steve! Steve! Have you heard about Billy Hargrove’s fall!” Steve’s head whipped around, staring at the reporter. “Aren’t you two friends?”

“Stevie, don’t pay them attention.” Their coach was trying to steer them away from the gaggle of cameras.

“No, I gotta, what happened to Billy?” They were trying to push back to the reporters. “What happened to Billy?”

“He fell in the slopestyle final! Had to be taken off in a gurney!” One of the reporters shouted back. Steve crumbled, let their coach take some of their weight.

“Steve, focus on your run.” They were shaking as they were led back to the bench, had tears streaming down their face.

“But, is Billy okay?” They didn’t even listen as their score was announced, as the crowd went fucking crazy for their gold metal.

And all Steve wanted was to get to Billy, to see if he was okay.

They were dragged on shaking legs to the podium, their face went, their hands trembling.

They had to stand there, listen to the U.S. National Anthem without fucking collapsing. They didn’t even give a fuck that they were ugly crying on international television.

And they couldn’t just say get me the FUCK to my boyfriend.

-

Billy was sitting in a hospital bed, his arm in a plaster cast

He had fucked up his elbow, completely dislocating it as he fell onto the hard snow. He was livid with himself for fucking up his slope style, was guaranteed at least bronze, but had come in sixth due to his nasty spill.

But he watched from the medical center as Steve skated so fucking perfectly in the finals, had set a new record for themself, the highest score they had ever gotten with an absolutely gorgeous program.

But something was, something was wrong with the way they stood on the pedestal, their tears were not celebratory as they appeared to be working themself into a panic.

And all Billy wanted was to get to Steve, to see if they were okay.

-

“Bill, oh my fucking God.” Steve just about threw themself onto Billy’s bed. They were fucking sobbing into his lap.

“Stevie, I’m okay. I’m good.”

“All they, all they said was the you were hurt, had to be taken off the course in a stretcher.”

“Yeah, I smashed myself pretty hard. But I’m okay. They fixed it.” Steve’s eyes were still all watery, made them looker even bigger.

“I just, I wanted to fucking scream at everyone to let me get to my boyfriend.” Billy trailed one hand down Steve’s face, just delicate fingers touching soft skin.

“We could tell people, if you want.” Billy had been extremely private about his sexuality throughout his career. He still had trouble coming to terms with himself, still had trouble getting his thoughts and feelings out from under his father’s thumb.

“We don’t have to.” Steve, on the other hand, had been sick of getting misgendered in interviews, had come out publicly with an Instagram post, a cute mirror selfie in a full face of makeup, a little yellow sundress Billy loved, and caption that just read They/Them.

“I want to. Want to tell the whole world how much I love you.”

-

Steve’s idea was just to mention it casually in an interview.

They had a string of interviews after their gold medal win, after they broke a personal record today.

But Billy had another plan.

He’s had the ring for close to eight months at this point, was just biding his time, waiting for the perfect moment.

And as he sat there, watching Steve smile so pretty at the reporter, he realized.

Now’s the time.

“You were extremely emotional on the stand after accepting your gold medal. Walk me through what you were feeling.”

“To be honest, it didn’t even register that I had won, and broken a personal score record. Someone had just informed me that my boyfriend had gotten hurt during the slopestyle finals, and I didn’t know if he was okay.”

“Your boyfriend? Billy Hargrove, then.”

“Yeah. I just heard he was in the hospital as I was waiting for my scores and I just kinda, kinda lost it.” Steve’s eyes trailed over to meet Billy’s, standing in the studio behind the camera.

He was holding the ring tightly in his hand, the one that wasn’t in a bulky cast.

Now or never.

“So, you and Billy Hargrove are currently in a relationship. How long has that been going on?” Steve gestured at Billy to join them on the couch. One of the crew members gestured for him to join them on the couch.

So he walked over, settled right in next to Steve.

“Since the last winter games, actually. That’s when we first met.” Billy grinned at Steve, leaned over to kiss them on the cheek. His palms were sweaty.

“Congratulations to you both!” Billy took a deep breath.

“It’s been really great! We live together and everything. Have a chubby little cat. The whole nine.”

The reporter laughed along with them, Billy’s leg was shaking.

“It’s easier dating an athlete, I think. They understand the rigor you got through training, how you put your body through Hell because you’re passionate about it.” Steve was using their hands to explain. Billy took a deep breath.

“So, you two have been completely quiet about your romantic relationship for these four years you’ve been together. Why did you choose to keep private, and why are you going public now?”

“Well, it was really hard for me when I heard Billy got hurt. I couldn’t just pull the significant other card to find out more information.”

“And we chose to stay private for a multitude of reasons. We mainly just wanted our careers to be the focus of our media attention and not our relationship.” Billy and Steve had spoken extensively about what they were going to say in the interview. Billy was incredibly private, didn’t really want to get into the whole my father physically abused me for being gay and I still have trouble accepting myself thing on public television. So they glossed over it.

“But things are going well?”

Now or never.

Billy’s heart was pounding in his ears. He could barely hear Steve over the sound of his own blood rushing. Was just able to tell when he finished speaking.

“It’s been a wonderful few years. In fact, it’s been so good, that, uh, I want it to never stop.” He took a deep breath. And slid off the couch.

Steve gasped as Billy settled on one knee on the floor, they had tears in their eyes when Billy smiled up at them, presented the pretty gold ring.

“Sweet Thing, you are the best thing to ever happen. You are kind, and compassionate, and so dedicated. I love everything about you, from how graceful you are on the ice, to how silly you are when it’s just the two of us. You are so perfect to me. I want my life to be exactly like these past four years have been, full of love, and laughter, and those snicker doodles you make just because you know I love them.”

Steve was openly bawling, clutching hands with the reporter.

“So, Stevie. Will you marry me?”

Steve launched themself at Billy, kissing his face, breathing yes yes yes into his skin, just barely remembering to mind his sore arm.

Billy took shaky breaths as he slid the ring on Steve’s finger.

-

Steve was tucked under Billy’s arm as they headed back to his room.

“I thought we had decided to just like, casually come out. I can’t believe you fucking proposed on live t.v.” Steve was staring at their ring.

“Been thinkin’ of proposals that are good enough for you for months. Figured, you know, might as well.”

“You coulda given me a Ring Pop in an alley outside of a biker bar and I still woulda said yes.”

“Yeah, but that clip has probably already gone viral. Now you can watch it whenever you wanna feel soft.” Steve scrambled for their phone, nose practically pressed against it as they looked for the clip.

Billy just laughed, shaking his head as he unlocked the door.

[thosekidswhohuntmonsters]

Just Sex

Summary: The reader runs into Loki after not seeing him for years. Does their long history mean something, or has it all just been sex and nothing more?

Word Count: 5134

Rating: v spicy deff 18+

Authors note: whoops forgot about this one haha! hope you all enjoy:)

♡if you enjoy this fic you’re welcome to leave a reblog/like/comment! feedback is not only welcomed but encouraged!♡

You swallowed hard, unsure if what you saw before your eyes was reality or just your mind playing tricks. Thor’s strong voice interrupted your train of thought, “Isn’t it amazing lady (y/n)?! My brother has returned!”.

Leaving your side Thor moved to bring Loki into a warm embrace, all the while Loki kept his eyes locked on yours. You wanted to mask your feelings about Loki’s return given what had happened when he’d left.

He hadn’t left on the best of terms, if you were to be honest he’d hardly left on any terms at all, but here he was standing before you once again. A look on his face as if to say that nothing bad had ever even happened.

Bucky nudged your side, “You don’t look too happy doll”. You became aware of the fact that your face wasn’t hiding anything, so you faked a smile. Loudly you asked, “What brings you back Loki?”.

It had been the first time you’d said his name out loud in a long time, and you nearly got chills down your spine as you did so. It felt weird leaving your lips, as if it was a word in a foreign language.

Loki licked his lips, “There’s just something about this place that keeps calling out to me”. Between the look in his eyes and the tone of his voice you realized that Loki hadn’t decided to ignore your past like you’d hoped he would.

There was a double meaning to his words that only someone who’d known him as personally as you had would catch. You couldn’t believe he was carrying on as if nothing had happened.

“Well aren’t you just the gift that keeps on giving Horns”. Everyone turned their attention to Tony, the least thrilled about Loki’s return by far. Loki finally looked away from you, “I do hope you’ll let bygones be bygones Stark”.

Tony rolled his eyes, “Of course I will, because trying to murder thousands of people classifies as a bygone nowadays”. The tension of the room grew to match the tension you secretly felt toward Loki.

Thor gripped Loki’s shoulder, “Come on Tony, Loki will be on his best behavior! Right brother?”. Putting on a cheeky smile Loki tried to look as innocent as he could, of course fooling no one.

Tony sighed, “For old times sake I’m making (y/n) here be your bunk buddy, she seems to be the only one that can keep you from the darkside”. Your stomach dropped, with your luck of course Tony would decide to do that.

If god existed he was looking down at you with a shit eating grin right about now. Before you could say something Loki spoke for you, “I can think of far worse punishments”. You scoffed, everyone suddenly turning to you.

“It’s been a long day, about to be longer, so I’m just tired”.

As always Loki saw right through you, a mischievous smile across his face. He looked to you as if it was just you and him in the room, “Then I guess we should be going to bed then love”.

Just like that he made your stomach drop with only his words, but you tried not to show it. Turning around you walked directly to your room, knowing he would be following behind you. With each step you felt your heart beating quicker.

He was silent, but that was just because he was enjoying himself. Loki knew that he’d have to bite his tongue while there was a possibility of an audience, but behind closed doors?

He wouldn’t have to hold back at all.

Loki could practically see the tension radiating off of you, and he thought he was about to embark in a game of cat and mouse. You had seen a side of him few ever saw, you’d seen the god fall apart in euphoria right before your eyes.

He’d been vulnerable with you in ways he had never been with anyone else, and knowing how he’d left things he’d tried to push those very thoughts and realizations out of his mind and focus on his lust and desire instead.

The second he heard the door close behind him he grinned and reached for your arm. Loki forced you to turn around, “Such a cold welcome pet, but your thoughts are much more inviting”.

With force you moved your arm up and out of his grip. Moving you crossed your arms over your chest, “Why don’t you stop messing with me and just tell me why you’re back?”. Loki frowned, sad that you didn’t want to indulge him.

“You can act annoyed all you want, but your mind doesn’t lie my dear”.

Loki had known the way he’d left things, but he wasn’t ready to face it yet. He kept pushing with the hope that all these feelings between you both were purely sexual. Well he wasn’t truly hoping that, but for the sake of his own heart he told himself he was.

Just sex. It had just been sex. Sex between two consenting adults and nothing more. Not even sex, fucking. Loki reminded himself that he was the god of mischief, making love wasn’t in his nature.

Next he told himself that neither was falling in love with a mortal.

Sighing loudly you rolled your eyes. Walking toward him you asked, “So that’s why you returned? To play with my emotions like you always do! Make me think you want me and then just as I let myself fall for you you’ll go and disappear again?”.

By now you were standing in front of him, your finger pressed into his chest as you accused him of toying with you. For a moment you closed your eyes, his scent overcoming you and making your mind wander.

Loki hadn’t thought things would go this way. He thought the only tension he’d sensed had been seuxal, and when he’d read your thoughts they’d only confirmed it. As much as he desired you, he’d be lying if he’d said that was all that had brought him back.

Suddenly everything he’d told himself had left his mind, giving way to the emotions his heart truly felt for you. Loki was reminded of the fact that he was more than a god, but he was still apprehensive.

To his own surprise your words had hurt him, something he thought no one would be able to do. The dam that held back his emotions had broke and he felt a flood coming.

His voice was soft, “Is that all you think of me? Some puppet master? I thought you would’ve seen through that by now love. Have you ever considered that there are things I wish to keep you from?”.

Shaking your head you ran a hand through your hair, trying to regain your composure. Loki didn’t get to fix all this with one lame apology, he’d hurt you too much last time.

Loki continued, “I am the god of mischief my pet, and that tittle shall forever haunt me. As much as I want you, and trust me love I want you, I don’t want my wrongdoings to haunt you as well”.

It was more than you’d expected, but still you were apprehensive. More calmly you asked, “So why are you back then Loki?”. You felt all your anger dissolving, things seemed different now.

Maybe it had been all your time apart, or maybe it was the fact that being around him made you realize you’d missed him much more than you’d originally thought. Loki looked to you with a soft expression, “Not for malice (y/n). I can’t tell you everything-”.

He still had to protect you, that was the whole reason he’d left in the first place. Loki was a man with a troubled past, and he didn’t want to give you a troubled future.

“Then I don’t want to hear it Loki, have you ever thought that I truly care about you? Look you can have the room and I’ll go sleep with Bucky or something...he always ends up in Steve’s bed anyways-”.

With that you moved past Loki and grabbed the door handle. You’d put yourself on the line for him to continue to lie to you? Sure Loki had a past, but why didn’t he realize that you didn’t care?

You’d known what you’d been getting into the first time you kissed him. Loki was the god of mischief, this big bad wolf that everyone seemed to fear, but from all the nights you’d spent together you’d learned even he hid behind a facade.

Then he left...he left without warning..and that had been the end. You’d gone to sleep with him by your side, your bodies tangled together, and you’d woken up alone with no explanation.

That as a year ago, and if he’d shown up to just do the same thing all over again you’d have no part of it. You’d wanted more from him. You didn’t love the god of mischief, you loved Loki Laufeyson.

Gripping your arm and pulling you back Loki said one word, “Thanos”. Recognizing the name you slowly turned around. You saw his expression, the pain showing clearling in his face as he recalled the memories.

“Thanos didn’t threaten my life, he threatened yours. He had found out what you’d meant to me and wished to use it as leverage against me. There’s no need to worry with Heimdall’s help I managed to get the Black Order off my back but-”.

And at that moment Loki answered every possible question you could think off, including the ones you’d been too afraid to ask him. Loki valued your life over his, something maybe only Thor would believe.

“So you came back for me?”.

You’d sounded more desperate than you’d planned, but you didn’t care anymore. Loki’s hand trailed slowly down your arm before intertwining his fingers with yours. A soft smile came across his lips, “I never wanted to leave to begin with (y/n), but I would never endanger the one I love most”.

Love? Loki loved you? Okay maybe you’d gotten it all wrong and god was actually smiling down at you right now, a big “I told you so, see I work in mysterious ways” grin plastered across his face.

Loki laughed softly, “I haven’t misspoke, I love you (y/n)”. All the earlier tension flooded forward and you didn’t want another second to pass where your lips weren’t on his. You moved toward him, “I love you, you’re a fucking tease but I love you”.

“Is that your cute little way of giving me full permission to be as filthy as I want?”.

After nodding your head you finally crashed your lips into his, a year of pent up angst melting away instantly. His lips tasted vaguely of alcohol and you wondered if he’d tried to take the edge off.

You lips moved together seamlessly, both touch starved and hungry. As rough as Loki could get his lips were always delicate and soft, and you wanted them to claim every single inch of your skin.

Loki moved his hands up your body before letting them become tangled in your hair. As he pulled back moving your head with his grip, you arched your back to the feeling. You loved when he took control like that.

He nearly growled as he heard your breath hitch, “Ahh there you are my pet”.  Just like that you melted into his touch, his words going straight to your core. Loki felt his own desire growing as he watched the smirk form upon your lips.

Gripping your neck he whispered into your ear, “I almost forgot the filthy little thing you are, you just love being naughty don’t you?”. With the smirk still plastered across your face you nodded your head.

To your surprise Loki’s tongue trailed up your neck before he kissed your jawline. You closed your eyes, all the past nights you’d spent together flooding through your mind. Loki’s touch was unlike anything you’d felt before.

It wasn’t because he was a god, it was because he could bring out this whole other side of you. When Loki had first met you he’d been able to see through you timidness and shyness within seconds, seeing that you were anything but if the right person could bring it out of you.

He could switch from dominating and demanding to patient and loving, everything you’d ever wanted in a partner. Loki boosted your confidence, making the sexual connections you’d had also become emotional too.

When it came to him you didn’t hold back, and neither did he. Your voice was already shaky, “Loki-”. Bringing his lips back up to your ear he shushed you, and it drove you wild.  He knew how to tease you with every little thing he did.

“Patience pet, I’m just getting started with you”. Loki moved his hands to trail down your body, pushing up the fabric of your dress. You wanted him to rip it right off, but he enjoyed teasing you too much.

“Darling I bet you’re already dripping for me, your hot sex just craving my touch”. As his hands slid up your thighs, taking your dress with them, your breath hitched once again. Each little moan and whimper was like music to his ears.

Before going any further he took his hands off of you completely, making you whimper as you looked to him. He was smirking, “I want to show you how much I’ve missed you darling, and to do that I need to pace myself”.

As he spoke Loki slowly palmed himself through his pants, “You see pet I want nothing more than to rip your clothes off of you body with my teeth and ravish you where you stand..but I also want to make up for lost time”.

“So why don’t you be a good little thing and go rest against the headboard of your bed for me, clothes completely off”.

The second part of his sentence had sounded so demanding that it gave you butterflies in your stomach. Without hesitation you lifted your dress up and off of your body, leaving you in just your bra and panties.

His voice was hoarse, “Off with those two pet”. Loki’s hand was moving faster now and you could see his erection straining against the fabric of his black jeans. Slowly you brought your hands behind your back, unclasping your bra and letting it fall to the ground.

Loki let out another low growl as he looked to your now fully exposed breasts. Biting your lip you leaned forward and began to slide out of your panties. His breathed deeply as his eyes scanned over your fully naked body.

“Every freckle and every curve were like god’s finishing touches to his most beautiful creation my dear, I never thought I’d find someone tailored perfectly to my needs until I met you”.

Just like that you felt your heart begin to flutter, his more romantic side coming out to play as well. You looked to him lovingly, “You drive me wild Loki Laufeyson”. His lips slowly curled into a smirk.

“That’s the idea my love”.

Turning around you made your way to your bed, the cool wood of the headboard sending chills down your spine as it touched your bare skin. While keeping eye contact you slowly parted your legs, exposing yourself to him completely.

“What next Loki?” you asked in a sultry tone. Taking a deep breath Loki tried to calm himself down, fighting against his own instincts to ravish you without another second passing by. He joined you on the bed, kneeling before you.

“I’m going to bury my face between your glistening folds and make you come undone pet”.

He said it so simply and effortlessly, as if his words themselves weren’t enough to make you cum. Loki watched your chest rise and fall as he spoke, the effects of his words evident by your shaky breathing.

“Oh how I’ve missed you (y/n)”. With that he laid on his stomach and positioned himself between your legs. While gripping your legs he began to kiss your inner thigh, his delicate kisses foreshadowing the pleasure that was yet to come.

He’d occasionally stop and just suck and nibble your skin, loving how wanton it made you. You felt him smirk against your skin, “So needy pet”. Knowing how much he was enjoying this made you smirk too.

After what felt let forever he decided to stop being a tease and finally let his tongue trail up your slit. It was the lightest touch but it still made you moan loudly, “Loki oh-”. Your wimpers only encouraged him.

His lips hovered over your clit before he decided to indulge himself and suck it obscenely. Loki was groaning while doing so, making you already quiver beneath him. His grip on your legs tightened, holding you in place.

Loki’s tongue began to trace patterns over your clit, and you remembered how much you’d missed his touch. It took a lot for you to be this vulnerable with someone, this raw, and it was a euphoric feeling.

To trust someone this deeply, to let yourself be on full display, to say all the filthy thoughts that came into your head without fearing that it would be too much, it was love.

“You taste so delicious my pet”, Loki said between groans. Out of instinct you let one of your hands become tangled in his raven locks, pushing the hair back from his face. He’d never admit it, but it was one of his favorite little things that you did.

Bringing his lips and tongue back to your clit he went to work again. The obscene sounds leaving his mouth were completely sinful, and you felt your orgasm coming closer and closer. Breathlessly you begged, “Loki I want to feel you inside of me”.

It was forward of you, but you’d both said much dirtier things to one another. With a grin he pulled back, “You want me to fill you up don’t you (y/n)?”. While he spoke he continued to rub your clit with his fingers.

“Fuck you until your walls take the shape of my cock? Until you’re a withering and wanton mess below me? Tell me pet, is that what you desire?”.

Quickly you nodded your head, your orgasm was so close. His voice was deeper, “Tell me”. Your eyes snapped open, knowing that if you didn’t respond within time you’d be cumming around his fingers.

“Yes Loki, god thats what I want, it’s all I fucking want”.

With his classic smirk Loki pulled his fingers back, bringing them to his mouth and sucking them clean. He groaned while doing so, “You taste as delicious as you look pet, I’ve missed it”.

With another snap of his fingers his clothes were off, his hard cock now pressing against his own stomach. Loki watched your eyes widen, “I can take it that you’ve missed my taste as well love, but that’s for another day. Today, I want to bury my cock deep within you and feel your walls clench around me”.

Moving toward you he kneeled in front of you again, his cock hovering before you. Your eyes were pleading, “Loki I need you”. He could’ve been a tease, but your voice had sounded so desperate that it reminded him of his own desperation.

“I need you too (y/n)”, slowly he entered inside of you. The both of you closed your eyes and adjusted to the feeling. Loki threw his head back, small whimpers leaving his lips as he began to thrust forward.

“Oh fuck Loki-”, you were already panting. It felt so deliciously good to be filled up like this and you’d almost forgot how intoxicating it was. Loki pulled your legs to wrap around him, letting him enter deeper inside of you.

His thrusts started to become faster as his desire grew. He looked down at you with love in his eyes, “You are the most beautiful creature I have ever known”. With an enormous smile across your face you moved your hips to met his.

“I love you Loki, so much”, you managed to get out in between moans. Loki leaned forward, holding himself up with one arm as the other cupped your face. He studied the features of your face, you looked so effortlessly beautiful right now.

He was unable to hold himself back so he pressed his lips against yours. The kiss was hungrier than before, each of your mouths seeking to claim the other. Your hands were still tangled in his hair, lightly tugging causing him to moan.

Loki moved his lips to kiss down your jaw, “I wish to claim every inch of your skin with my lips”. Arching your back you caved into his touch, you would’ve happily let his lips scan your every inch.

With ease he found the magic spot on your neck and began to leave love bites. Partly because he loved how it made you moan, and partly because he knew everyone would know it was his claim over you.

Whereas in the past Loki was too afraid to go public with things, now he wanted the world to know how much he loved you. He wanted everyone to look at your neck and see the amount of pleasure he could make you feel.

It wasn’t that he wanted to be possessive of you, Loki just wanted the world to know what he was willing to do for you and do to protect you. You were his queen, and he’d be damned if anyone disrespect that.

“Loki I’m close”, you began to feel you stomach knot again. From his thrusts you could tell that he was just as close as you were. You needed more, “Lie on your back”. For a moment he looked confused, but then he happily obliged.

Loki laid on his back, moaning loudly as he felt you straddle him. He dug his nails into your thighs as you sunk down onto his memember, “Oh fuck pet”. Closing his eyes for a moment and low moan escaped his lips.

You started to bounce up and down, loving the feeling of him entering in and out of you. Loki watched in awe as you closed your eyes and began to play with your own breasts. He was utterly captivated by you.

In this moment you looked so beautiful, so indulgent and sinful, he couldn’t have dreamed something more perfect than this. With each blissful second that passed he felt his orgasm coming closer.

“I need you closer love”.

As much as Loki loved the view, he wanted to feel your bare chest against his. He wanted to hold your gaze and watch you become overcome with pleasure. After nodding your head you leaned forward, pressing your chest against his.

It was his turn to let his hands become tangled in your hair, “Cum with me sweet thing, cum with me”. Loki would never let anyone hear him beg like this, but you were an exception.

Loki trusted you with his entire heart, so he didn’t mind seeming weak around you. At this point he was just as needy as you and he craved the release just as badly. You moved your hips to meet his, “Loki I’m gonna-”.

To your surprise his thrusts became even deeper, “Oh Loki I’m-”. His arms wrapped around your back and waist, his strong hands pulling you closer to his body. Between his own moans Loki encouraged you, “That’s it pet, let go (y/n)”.

His words pushed you over the edge, nothing holding you back from orgasm any more. Closing your eyes you let the pleasure wash over you, Loki thrusting deeply inside of you as you lost control.

Your moans were erratic as months of pent up tension flooded forward and dissolved before your very eyes. It was like each nerve in your body woke up from a slumber to explode in ecstasy.

Loki was right there with you, his own feeling of euphoria washing over him. Gripping your hips tightly he held you in place and came inside of you. The both of you moved your bodies slowly as you worked through your orgasms.

You’d both forgotten how incredible it felt, not just to cum but to cum with someone you loved more than anything in the world. It was like it was only you two in the world and nothing could interfere and hurt you.

You were both left smiling, completely out of breath and disheveled messes, but smiling nonetheless. Before you could say anything Loki kissed you again, you lips moving together effortlessly.

“I have never known love until I met you (y/n), and I will never know it again without you”.

He was so honest in that moment that you resisted from calling him out for being so dramatic. You smiled down at him, “Loki I hope that one day you’ll see how deserving of everyone's love you are, but for now I’ll settle for just mine”.

You kissed his cheek softly before moving to get up from the bed. He laid there with a smile on his face as he pondered you words. He chuckled softly, god no wonder Thor loved you so much, your hopefulness was never ceasing.

“Darling where are you going?” he asked as he watched you put on an oversized sweatshirt. You grinned, “I don’t know about you but I’ve worked up an appetite, feel like joining me in the kitchen?”.

He looked at the alarm clock on your bedside table and when he saw the time he got up from the bed. Snapping his fingers he only dressed himself in a pair of black sweatpants, and put his hair into a bun.

Loki titled his head to the side as he watched a smirk form upon your lips. Before he asked you answered his question, “I forgot how good you looked like that, Thor isn’t the only one who can make a girl fall to her knees”.

His soft laugh filled the room. Getting up from the bed he joined you by your side, the both of you walking out into the hall and back into the kitchen.

The entire time he held your hand in his, hating any second that passed where his body wasn’t touching yours. Now that Loki had your touch again, it was all he craved. When you got to the kitchen you instantly went to the fridge, Loki sitting down at the counter.

“Is chocolate still your favorite icecream flavor?”. You’d been too busy rummaging through the fridge to hear the footsteps entering the kitchen. Loki was too amused to tell you otherwise, “Darling I’m ashamed you’ve already forgotten”.

He enjoyed the fact that there were now other guests crashing your little party, and he wanted to see how long before you’d notice. You rolled your eyes, “We have sex once Loki and your ego already enflates, you’re lucky I love you”.

With a soft chuckle he gave himself away, “I love you too (y/n)”. Proud of the fact that you’d made him laugh you eagerly turned around. When you noticed who else was now in the kitchen your jaw dropped.

“Wow Horns I thought you weren’t programmed to love”.

From the smirk on Tony’s face Loki knew his joke was simply to rile you up. Loki couldn’t resist, “I’m programmed to feel many things Tony, (y/n) can confirm”. Your eyes widened from his forwardness.

Thor was just as amused, “Brother what has gotten into you?”. As Thor’s booming laughter filled the room you felt the tension melt away. Tony smiled for the first time around Loki, “I don’t know point break, but I feel safer already”.

“So I give it five minutes before the entire team knows?” you asked while grinning. Tony titled his head to the side and clicked his tongue. Smuggly he began, “Naive little (y/n) I texted the group chat the second I walked in on this little late night rondevu”.

After grabbing two ice cream bars from the fridge you took Loki’s hand, “Then I guess our only option is to seek shelter in my room while this whole thing blows over”. Without hesitation Loki let you lead him out of the room.

“I’m no therapist but I’d say going from wanting to massacure an entire planet to eating ice cream sandwiches and walking around like a giddy teenager is big progress”.

Thor smiled, not from Tony’s joke but what it was directed toward. Loki was a maze that not even Thor could navigate, but you seemed to do it seamlessly. For the first time in months Thor would sleep peacefully knowing that Loki had you by his side.

“Enormous progress Stark”, with that Thor grabbed another six-pack from the fridge. With smiles on their faces both men returned to the game room, what they’d just walked in on providing them with hope for the first time in a long time.

“You’re still glowing from earlier” you teased while Loki ate his ice cream. You’d put on some music, letting the both of you relax and just vege out. While he spoke Loki absentmindedly rubbed your thigh, “Am I not to show off the one I love most?”.

You kissed his cheek, “No you are, I just hadn’t expected you to be ready yet”. To be honest Loki had surprised himself too, but after everything you’d just done together all bets were off.

Loki felt honored to have someone like you by his side, and wanted the entire team to know. He smiled while watching you move your toes to the beat, “I’m done wasting time and hiding my emotions”.

You felt your heart swell with love, “I’m glad Loki, you deserve to be happy and you deserve to show it off”. Your words lifted his heart up, any remaining doubt and insecurities leaving his mind.

“Because of you I’m starting to believe that (y/n)”.

It was all you’d ever wanted to hear in life, that for once Loki was no longer punishing himself. It was always insane to you that people thought Loki didn’t hold himself accountable, or that he didn’t care about consequences, Loki spent years tormenting himself.

You didn’t want to push things so you just leaned closer against his side and listened to the beat of the music. For the first time in a long time no thoughts clouded your head and you were just calm.

Loki had no idea, but he’d saved your life just as much as you’d saved his.

♡ thank you for taking the time to read this, you’re a babe♡

Forever tags: aka some amazing people: @moonlessnight14 @sexyvixen7 @angieptt​ @painkiller80 @becca-dolan @team-heichou @thatpeachybandgirl​ @allthesesonsobitches@buckybarneshairpullingkink @couldabeenamermaid​ @taeeemin @littleredstarfish @nali67​ @only4wakingup​ @mcenziehughes​

*if there is a line through your name that means that for some reason it won’t allow me to tag you*

*forever tags are always open*

[ninjakitty15]

Cold As Death (Loki)

Chapter One: Looks That Could Kill

By all accounts, today should've been like the countless other days before it. Just another day stuck in a glass cell with the occasional "scientist" trying to figure out how to harness something no regular schmuck or mortal could hope to grasp by poking, prodding, and bleeding me. But this was Hydra for you, try to change one idiots mind, and several more idiots tell you you're wrong. German, American, or other, there are evil idiots in every corner of every world, that's for damn sure. At this point I couldn't figure out why they still kept me here, locked away from everything when they couldn't what they wanted from me. They already tried torturing it out of me like pain would make me crumble, I just ended up wincing or laughing depending on what they did as there were times I actually wasn't sure I felt anything, not because they did it often enough or it was that bad, I was just sorta dead inside so some nerve endings didn't always work.

The only thing remotely unusual about today though was it wasn't as busy where they stashed me, hands locked in power dampening shackles and a metal muzzle to boot. At some point earlier they attempted to keep me sedated and unconscious but I woke myself back up once they left me alone thinking I was no longer a problem. Amateurs. As I sat in the middle of the cell, eyes closed but fully alert and coherent, I felt before I ever heard a presence that felt otherworldly to me. They were silent, seeming to observe with caution as I felt it get closer and start to circle the container then pause right where I knew the controls of the cage to be. There was a fifty fifty chance this presence would let me out, the other half being they come in and another round of human pinata would start but instead of candy it would just be blood and a lot of bad puns and jokes falling out of me, maybe drop a few s/m mentions. Serious folks tend to get real uncomfortable when you get sexual on them. If you can't laugh about sex, you don't have a sense of humor.  A button was pressed on the panel and a door formed in front of me where the glass was and I got a stronger feel of who or what was in front of me on the other side. They were definitely not your average Joe, probably not even human and flowing with a lifeforce not even mutants could possibly obtain. An immortal for sure. They took one step toward me and because this wasn't something I'd encountered since my containment, I instinctively tensed which made them pause again.

"You're awake?" A smooth almost british accented voice, noted softly yet curiously.

I opened my eyes then just to confirm that as the muzzle was holding back my usual smartass responses. They was actually one tall man clad in leather and gold metal, watching me carefully with piercing blue/green eyes. Maybe it was seeing the same ugly mugs every day for gods know how long I've been down here and finally seeing a new face, maybe it was the fact he was wearing my two favorite colors and pulled it off better than anyone else I've seen try that. But damn did he look good. It might also be the killer jawline and physique too. His eyes fixated on the muzzle for a moment and a hardened scowl formed for some reason, surprisingly not twisting the dashing look like it does most angry men. And then suddenly I could speak again but opted to gasp like a dying beached fish because damn did it feel good to not have airways being blocked anymore. Vaguely I wondered if my lips were chapped from the damned thing before smiling maniacally.

"Finally, oral freedom!" I cried overdramatically.  "I don't usually offer though unless its returned, all's fair in love and fun stuff."

The man cracked a small smile and ventured a step closer to me. "What are you? And why are you in here?"

"Could ask you the same thing, hun," i quipped. "And seeing as I was here first, you should answer first."

He chuckled and took a more confident step toward me though his lifeforce strengthened like a guard around him. Before he could answer himself though, a booming and somehow familiar voice called out. "Loki, have you found anything down there?!" Which caused the dude now named Loki to cringe at the interruption and sigh.

"No one here but us ghouls," I told him in answer.

"They have a prisoner down here, brother!" replied Loki though his eyes never left me.

"Prisoner's such a harsh word, I prefer forced resident or illegal obtained house guest," I informed him. "You answer his questions, but not mine. It's because I'm black, isn't it?" I was actually what one would describe in terms of skin color as not recently dead pale white.

"I thought he was answer enough, I'm sure you know of Thor, he likes to play the hero of this realm," Loki replied to me, an eyebrow arched.

"The Norse God of shitty weather? Y'all aren't busy with cooler realms?" I asked.

"This wasn't my choice," was his dry response, making me smile more.

I snickered. "Spoken like a true sibling. So you came down here, an alien immortal, because your big brother told you so. My heart bleeds for you really."

He glared at my unabashed sarcasm and crossed his arms over his chest. "Now answer mine before he comes in and makes a great mess of this place."

"More than the people that came with this building already have? That's gotta take talent. But I'll bite. They hunted me down gods know how long ago and attempted to extract something from me that makes me awesome, didn't work obviously or they'd make a mess not even your brother could trump and we wouldn't be here talking. Too valuable to be killed, though they couldn't if they tried, too stubborn to be experimented on. Where'd they go anyway? Are you guys the reason I didn't get my daily prodding?"

"My brothers...friends dealt with the ones they could find, if they're anything like their namesake, I'm sure there's more in hiding waiting for reinforcements or something like that."

Another man leaped down out of nowhere that definitely wasn't Thor as he didn't have long golden locks or a beard, his head and half his face were actually covered by a mask and instead of a hammer was a shield in one arm.

"Thor failed to mention it was a woman," the new dude noted.

"And my gender matters because...?" I wasn't actually offended by this, just messing with him to get a reaction which worked as he genuinely looked bashful, making me cackle. "For all the armor you people wear, it's still surprisingly easy to get under your skin. Maybe I've just been here so long, they're just fashion statements now, if everyone's wearing leather armor count me in!"

"Sorry to disappoint, but it's just us," Loki told me.

"She tell you why they're holding her?" the new man asked him.

"They're trying to steal her powers though I'm not sure what they are yet."

"Only the best kind of course," I told them. "It's all the rage these days, all the Hydra agents gotta have it."

"Well they can find it somewhere else as you're free from them but you can tell us all about the what and why, if you don't mind," the new man said.

"You say that so politely but I'm getting the sense you weren't asking. I'll comply if you give me a hand here, mine are a bit tied up at the moment." I raised my shackled hands as high as able since they were chained to the metal floor beneath me.

The new man was quick to break the chains connecting me to the floor before Loki waved a hand like Jedi Knight and the shackled sprang open, dropping to the floor with a loud clang. I flexed my hands and shook them a bit to get feeling back with them being cramped and slowly got to my feet, staggering a bit as my leg bones cracked from the sudden use and weight. I sighed in sweet relief and relaxed with a slight grin. "Alrighty then!" With my hands free, so was my powers just a bit more and I could collect and stretch it out, testing the waters. That seemed to be enough for Loki to notice being a power person as well and both eyebrows shot up as he probably felt what I was doing. I winked at him before turning to the other guy. "Onward and upward!"

With the new guy leading me out of the building and Loki being my tail, I was on my way to freedom for good before being nearly blinded by that god awful ball of fire in the sky, everyone else calls the sun. I recoiled and refrained from hissing like an angry vampire, stumbling back into Loki in the process who steadied me and smirked at my reaction to daylight. The new guy looked back hearing me cursing at it and raised an eyebrow in question but didn't actually ask anything.

"What? I'm not a morning person," I responded before straightening up but subtly elbowing Loki in the stomach, causing a soft grunt from behind while accidentally hitting my funny bone which wasn't that funny at all as my entire arm went numb and tingly at the same time. "Stupid toned god with your stupid abs of granite."

The new guy stopped walking and pressed a hand against his ear. "We're out, all the agents we could flush out are dealt with. A ride would be nice." Ah he was talking on a com of some kind it seems. How high tech yet old school. Within a few moments, an even more hightech fighter plane of some kind hovered low enough for him to climb in first then offer his hand to pull me up as I was unfortunately not remotely as tall or long legged as either man near me. I looked around the plane curiously to see another man and a redhaired woman at the front as pilots, the woman looking back and landing her eyes on me as well.

"Are you the prisoner Thor spoke of?" she asked.

"I'm the illegally obtained house guest, yes." Loki snickered behind me and I reminded myself not to elbow him again as my arm still hadn't gotten proper feeling back.

The woman smiled as well and nodded. "Buckle up then, we're heading back to base, could get bumpy. All good back there, Steve?" she called after the first new guy who was now Steve.

"Ready when you are," he answered, sitting at the tail end of the machine.

The plane rose up and shot forward at an illegally unsafe speed above the city. Loki had settled across from me, eyes ever studying me but unlike the agents that actually did and more, they weren't malicious or power hungry, just cautious and curious. I decided to test his resolve then and locked my eyes on his in an unwavering staring contest. "First one to blink loses."

"Is that why they muzzled you? Because if you're not under their skin, you're cracking jokes?" he asked.

"If you don't have a sense of humor you don't have much to live for and that's how they win. Also no, it's not how I talked, but who I talked to or when it wasn't them."

"To contain your powers, like they did your hands then. And they didn't get anything from you?"

"What I have can't be drained or pulled out or copied, it's not specifically found in something like DNA or an organ or something physical even. Those guys claim to be scientists but real scientists accept facts as they are when proof is found and I'm living proof they're all frauds with no results. I bet they don't even have a Ph.D."

"They're Hydra, they're funded by power and money, not degrees and universities," Steve spoke up.

"So you're telling me they just pulled a few crazy people with crazyass theories on things from a hat and told them they're scientists now? I should've gone to college there, I wanna have money and be told I have a job with more money. All I got from mine a piece of paper saying I know some things and then years of disappointment from being unemployed. I probably look good in a lab coat too."

"A stark difference from your current attire of all black and hooded," Loki pointed out.

I snorted. "All they let me wear after ruining the one I was caught in from their experimentation, they thought the attire should fit the power, how unimaginative is that? Let's just advertise exactly what I can do to everyone around me, that'll throw them off for sure."

"And what can you do?" he challenged.

"Uh-uh, spoilers sweety. A preview of which will cost you extra."

"But we just gave you a free ride," chipped the male pilot.

"Hey, you're not part of this conversation, and I don't even know where we're going, this could be a free ride to something worse. Like Shield or the dentist."

"Bad experience? Ate too much candy as a kid, didn't you?" the pilot guessed.

"If you think there's such thing as too much candy, then your childhood sucked and I pity your past."

"Tony's gonna love this one," mused the female pilot. "What's your name?"

"I've been out of custody for like 15 minutes and finally someone asks! It's Noelle, Nell for short. And you pilots are...?"

"About to land for starters," the man said. "I'm Clint, she's Nat, and we're at base so everyone out of my plane."

"That's Tony's plane actually," quipped Loki as the plane landed and everyone unbuckled. "Come along, meet the rest of my brother's friends."

[kimannhart]

I was going through my Google Drive and found these two SteveTony WIPs from almost two years ago and figured I’d share. So, here are two SteveTony fics that I will never finish.

~~

He missed him. 

Steve absolutely missed Tony. 

They were absolutely great together. They cherished one another, spent significant amounts 

of time doing things together, and treated each other with a good amount of love and respect. Overall, they were the ideal couple. The one couple that everyone admired. Everything was going great. 

Until it wasn’t. 

~~

A/N: That’s it, that’s the excerpt lmao. The title for that supposed fic is “when the party’s over” so clearly inspired by the Billie Eilish song lmao. 

The next excerpt, “one of us,” is based off of the ABBA song (since fall 2018 me very much felt that, that was a SteveTony song as hell) and was supposed to be occur somewhere right after c*vil w*r in the MCU. This one will be under the cut because it’s a little over 1k.

~~

They passed me by, all of those great romances

Growing up Tony had always admired the relationships he saw around him. Ana and Edwin Jarvis being the main relationship that he absolutely adored—which to many people in the media would probably be surprised to know. 

While in the public eye Maria and Howard Stark maintained the perfect relationship, their relationship behind closed doors was a different story. To Tony, his parents relationship was something that he saw as one-sided. Tony never saw his father cherish his mother the way she should have been. Howard never put in the amount of love and effort into his marriage the way Maria did. So, yeah Howard and Maria’s relationship was definitely not something Tony wanted to model his own on. 

Ana and Edwin on the other hand? That was the type of relationship he wanted to have with his own significant other one day. But as Tony began to grow older, it was clear that relationships were something that Tony was not really good at. 

During his MIT days, practically all of the potential people Tony could have a romantic relationship with was ruined by Tony’s unwillingness to break down his walls and open up to others. Though, in Tony’s defense a good majority of the people that interacted with him only wanted him for his fame and money. Sadly, people never wanted Tony for Tony. 

The only real relationship that Tony ever formed while going to MIT was with his college roommate and best friend, James Rhodes, or Rhodey as Tony loves to call him. And for the longest time Tony had this huge crush on Rhodey, who soon also gained the nickname Honey Bear after being friends for three months. Tony had believed that Rhodey could be the person that he would love and cherish romantically for the rest of his life. Well, that was until Tony found out that Rhodey was straight. That image that Tony built up in his mind was destroyed. So, now Tony is just going to love and cherish his Rhodey in a platonic way. 

Then came along Virginia Potts, better known as Pepper. At first Pepper was someone who Tony was impressed by. Pepper is a genuine person who knows what she wants and never backs down. In other words, Pepper is someone who does no harm—for the most part—but takes no shit. For the longest time, Pepper and Tony were simply just best friends. Then as more time went by feelings for one another grew. Eventually, they decided to turn their friendship into something more. Their relationship worked for a small while. For Tony, he even slowly started to believe that Pepper was his one and only. But as Tony’s commitments to being Iron Man and Pepper’s commitments to Stark Industries grew, they slowly started to drift apart and went back to their old friendship habits. Realizing that they were better off as best friends, both Pepper and Tony decided to break up. 

As more time went on and the multiple failed attempts at dating, Tony had slowly started to believe that he would never find his own significant other. 

Well, that was until S.H.I.E.L.D. presented him with the Avengers Initiative and introduced him to Steve Rogers, or better known to the rest of the world as Captain America. Or, in Tony’s eyes, the man who Howard loved more than his own son. 

You were, I felt, robbing me of my rightful chances

Plagued by their own pasts and issues, the first interaction between Steve and Tony was definitely not the best. Despite that, the two were able to come together and save the world in the Battle of New York. Right after that battle, Steve and Tony interactions with each other were still a bit tense. But, at least they gained a new level of respect for one another.

During the months that followed the Battle of New York, a slow friendship began to blossom between Steve and Tony. Conversations and interactions moved from tense to awkward to decent. 

However, it took the duo months to actually have a fleshed out conversation that was not centered on battle strategies or getting Steve familiar with the twenty-first century. No, that particular conversation involved a sense of vulnerability for Tony in discussing his daddy issues and the resentment Tony had towards Steve growing up. It involved emotions and reminiscing about the past for Steve. By the end of that conversation, Steve and Tony both had shed tears and felt that the conversation was something that they both needed. 

In the months that followed, the rest of the Avengers noticed a change in Steve and Tony. The two were now comfortable with one another and a bit more happier. Clint and Natasha had started to pay more attention to their leaders and noticed that Steve and Tony were playing the ‘Will They or Won’t They?’ game with each other. It was clear to the two super spies that Steve and Tony, or Stony as Clint had dubbed them, had slowly started to develop feelings for each other. But neither of them was willing to take the first step. Natasha figured that they were both afraid to change the still somewhat fragile dynamic between them. Clint had said that they were both oblivious fools and hoped that they got their shit together soon so he didn’t have to bear witness to all the unresolved sexual tension anymore. And thus, Natasha and Clint decided for the sake for everyone, to lock (with the help of JARVIS of course, who too was tired of seeing Sir and Captain Rogers pine for each other) them in the Hulk’s containment room and told them to either fuck out their feelings and move on, or progress their relationship to the next step. 

Thankfully, it only took Steve and Tony a good forty-five or so minutes to actually talk about their feelings and decided that they wanted to take it slow with each other so that they could gradually come to terms with the new change in their relationship. As they were let out of the containment room, Natasha begrudgingly handed a twenty dollar bill to a smug Clint who bet that they would 

[thegayagenda-forkids]

Why Cami is important, and why we need more of her types of characters.

While everyone is watching the Cartero/Tennis Boyfriends storyline, as well as Elena’s story and Gabi’s story, I want to talk about the only openly gay character at the moment (Episode 7/8), Camilla, but to really get to talk about her, I have to dive a little bit into the history of gay characters in comedies.*

**I’m only including gay characters in comedies because otherwise my list would be too long to be able to dive into, and this post is going to be mostly about Cami.

So, the first openly gay character to appear on American TV is Steve, played by Phillip Carey in 1971 on “All in the Family.” He appeared for only one episode, but he opened the door back when being gay was taboo, and wrong, and he wasn’t killed onscreen or beaten up. In fact, he was played straight, in a way. Throughout the episode, the main character is speculating about several other men being gay, while Steve was described by that character to be “a real man’s man.” It’s at the end of the episode where Steve comes out to him, dismisses the rumors about the other men the main character suspected, and then he was never seen on TV again. And his appearance is so important because it challenged stereotypes of what gay men on TV were, and where it was appropriate to see these topics. He opened the door for more gay characters to show up.

However, it was a bit of a double-edged sword because for the next several years, the gay characters we saw were “very special episode” characters, approached the same way these characters would approach cancer, or drugs, or addiction. They were a sensitive topic people need to know about, the episode will be less funny to show the full gravity of the situation. But, gay people were seen on TV.

Slowly, people start accepting that gay people exist, and while they might not wish direct harm on them, the general attitude was still very anti-LGBT rights. So gay characters shifted on tv and they were no longer sensitive topics to approach, but a minor/recurring character who was overwhelmingly male, flamboyant, stereotyped to hell, and typically, the “Gay Best Friend.”

The true turning point, in my opinion, was Ellen DeGeneres on “Ellen.” She was the main character of her show, personally in the process of finding herself and coming out, and then deciding to have the character she played come out in a serious, but relatively humorous way. There was backlash, her show didn’t last much longer after that, and overall, she took a huge risk. But she started the first step of the process: character first, sexuality second. She wasn’t defined for being gay like every other person, with potentially the exception of Steve, was up to this point.

But Steve and Ellen served different purposes. Steve de-stigmatized the idea of gay people appearing on TV by only revealing he was gay at the end. He only appeared for one episode, let everyone see how throughout the episode, he was the opposite of gay men they built up in their mind, and then only let the hammer drop right before vanishing forever. Ellen went through four years of people getting to know her, she was the principal main character, and then she came out after. Steve allowed gay people to be shown more on TV, Ellen allowed us to get to know them.

Then around that time, let me just say this: “Friends” was pretty problematic with several issues like the character of Ross and how Chandler’s birth parent transitioning, but there was one thing that was pretty well handled and relatively holds up, and that’s Carol and Susan. Now, by no means was their portrayal and representation perfect, and Ross frequently made jokes revolving around the fact that his ex-wife was a lesbian, but they were never jokes about Carol being wrong or weird, but rather self-deprecating ones, and then the show went on to show them raising and co-parenting a young boy with Ross and they even had the first lesbian wedding on TV, and, at least in my memory, they were never sexualized, meaning that they weren’t created to be objects of mens’ desires, they were simply in love and trying to lead fulfilling lives with each other.

And now we go from the sidelines all the way front and center with the original airing (not the reboot) of “Will and Grace.” The main character was an openly gay man living with a straight woman, who had a gay and an ambiguous, but potentially, bisexual best friends (Jack and Karen). And boy, was this show the first of it’s kind. Will wasn’t portrayed as flamboyant and taking on a stereotypical job, but rather the respected position as a lawyer, owning a nice apartment, and him being gay was only used as a fact while he dated men throughout the show. People at the time earnestly believed Will and Grace would get together in the end by how un-stereotypical and “not gay” Will acted.

But acting as his foil was Jack, perhaps the most flamboyant character to ever grace TV screens. He was loud, overly dramatic, cared too much about his appearance, and his goal was to be an actor. And he wasn’t automatically Will’s boyfriend because he was also gay. He was Will’s closest friend, a confidant, and though he could be an asshole, Jack was true to himself, even if his true self was every gay stereotype shoved into one body while Will got to break those stereotypes by being a well developed and well rounded character.

From there, Gay characters are a mixed bag. Normally in tv shows marketed for people 16 and up, not for children, and typically as side characters. We get our Kurt Hummels, our Mitch and Cams, our Oscar Martinezes, and all these others. They’re occasionally the main character in a cast, most of the time the side characters, and they’re varied. They’re also more visible, and they’re popping up more and more. Now, I’m not even going to get into Brooklyn Nine-Nine in terms of Queer representation because I could go on for days about how they’ve got it, and go into the similar media and target audience.

I’m, of course, talking about “Good Luck Charlie.”

Now I know, I KNOW! It was one episode where there were two moms that showed up for a play date. But it was one of the first kids’ shows to show a gay couple, and by kids, I mean that it’s marketed for people under 16 as well. And it was also pretty well addressed. The parents are wondering how to separate the couple in order to hang out while their toddlers played at the same time as arguing over who was the child’s mother since they each only met one. And when they open the door to Cheryl and Susan, they greet them normally and the only acknowledgment that comes is the father hitting his head like he had forgotten a word and saying “Taylor has two moms,” simply settling the argument about who was Taylor’s mom. And the rest of the episode was just about the parents trying to make friends but being annoying people until Susan and Cheryl fake headaches to leave. The episode treated them not as a “Gay Couple,” but rather a couple who happened to be gay. Not even Modern Family 10 years after the pilot can act like that.

And I KNOW you guys are waiting for it: Cyrus Goodman and Thelonious Jagger Kippen. I bet if I were to take a poll right now of who’s Disney’s first openly gay character, at least 90% of people would say it’s Cyrus Goodman. He was developed as his own person first; this adorable, quirky boy who loved his two best friends more than anything and would get over-enthusiastic for anything they did or he decided to pursue, and he went through panic, then he came out to Buffy. It’s also impressive that for Disney’s first gay main character, they didn’t have him already self-assured that he’s gay, but rather figuring it out and terrified when he came out to Buffy. He was afraid of what she’d think of him, what she’d say, and how their friendship would continue, which I touch more on *here.* At the same time, T.J. is also developed from a bully and antagonist to one of Cyrus’s newest, closest friends. He faces homophobic microaggresions while developing feelings towards Cyrus until he finally finds the courage to confess and start something new at the last episode. The fact that T.J. didn’t come out as gay until the last episode does not diminish his worth as a gay character. He was groundbreaking too because he is the first gay love interest in a Disney Show (and I mean mutual, because otherwise, that title would go to Jonah Beck and I’m not sure he can be counted as canon anything).

And now everyone is focusing on Bobby and Liam on “Diary of a Future President,” which is what the writers are shooting for, but we cannot forget about Cami! She is a form of casual representation that we need more of in writing. There was no marketing for her by Disney as a gay character, and she portrays a realistic representation. She mentions her girlfriend, makes small comments like “you two are hetero goals,” and lets us glimpse into her life. And she doesn’t take over a room like Jack does, she’s there for Cami, and has a good relationship with her kids, as proven by Gabi trusting her to pick up Bobby and Liam from Jupiter. And then the significance of Cami freeing Bobby and Liam from a storage closet is something I touched on earlier *here*.

So why is Cami important? Because she is the casual representation we want and deserve! She’s not a big deal on the show, but she also not diminished. She doesn’t need to make headlines to be important. She’s real, and believable, and I’m hoping there’s more of her as well as characters like her. Casual representation is important too, and it’s important because she’s not the only queer character on the show, and the other queer person isn’t her love interest.

Hopefully I got my message across that Cami is the next step of queer characters in shows.

[nastybuckybarnes]

Bad Dream  -  Ten

Pairing: Dark!Steve X Reader

Summary: A year after wiping your memory and keeping you for himself, Steve Rogers is happy. Happier than he’s ever been. With you and your daughter, life couldn’t be any better. The only problem? You’re starting to remember things.

Warnings: Angst, Language, MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER

Word Count: 2.1K

A/n: Boom boom hit ‘em with a plot twist. Ahaha

!!!THIS IS A DARK FIC WITH SEXUAL AND TRIGGERING CONTENT!!!!

MADNESS MASTERLIST ~ BAD DREAM MASTERLIST

~*~

He’s kept his word.

It’s been eight days and he’s kept his word. He hasn’t hurt you or raised his voice at you. He’s been kind, sweet. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think that he actually cares about you.

Do you know any better? There are times where you find yourself staring at him, a smile on your face while he plays with Sarah, before you remember exactly who he is and what he’s done to you.

But the scary part is, that those moments are happening more and more frequently.

~*~ 

“You hungry, darling?” Your stomach flips and you try to convince yourself it’s morning sickness, not the nickname he’s been calling you.

“Not really,” you reply automatically, voice soft and timid. Steve sighs and gently rests his hand on your knee, setting a plate of food down on the bedside table while looking into your eyes with something that resembles desperation.

“Sweetheart, you’ve gotta eat, regain your strength. Doctor’s orders.” You watch as he picks the plate back up and sets it on the bed in front of you. There’s an omelette, a bunch of fruits, some toast, and a small yogurt cup. It looks delicious, but the thought of eating anything makes you wanna puke. And the thought of your mouth watering for something he’s providing you makes it that much worse.

Oblivious to your internal battle, he sets a fork down on the plate with a soft smile. “I’ve got all the food groups in here. I read somewhere that if your plate isn’t colourful then it isn’t healthy but I don’t know how true it is.” He looks up at you, those baby blues so entrancing that you find yourself momentarily forgetting everything he’s done to you and instead, allow yourself to enjoy the breakfast in bed.

You stare at him for a moment before caving with a sigh, popping a strawberry into your mouth and trying desperately to figure out his intentions.

He sees the questions burning behind your eyes and sets down the glass of water he was sipping.

“What is it?” He asks, blue eyes fixed on your face.

You find yourself torn between asking your questions and staying silent, the former a test of his boundaries and the latter a form of protecting yourself from any potential harm that may arise from unwanted questions.

“You can ask me. I won’t get mad, I swear. At least, not at you,” he adds the last part carefully and you take note of that before asking your questions.

“You said you picked me because you saw potential in me. For a family, a life,” you begin carefully, not wanting to push his buttons. He simply waits for you to continue, eyes still soft and curious.

“Why did you get so angry at me? Why were you so rough?” He exhales deeply and closes his eyes, knowing that this conversation was bound to happen if he truly wanted to make things better with you.

“I... I’m angry. I’m so fucking angry all the time and I took it out on you. I used you as an outlet in the worst possible way. I realize what I did was wrong but... I did it anyway. I guess because you’d been... programmed,” he hesitates on the word, gauging your reaction before continuing, “to obey me. To take every hit I sent your way and stay by my side through it all. I knew that I could do what I wanted and I’d get away with it.” You find yourself shocked by the humanity in his answer, the admission of guilt, of being wrong.

“Before you found out you were pregnant with Sarah, you and I were good together. We were perfect. I didn’t even need to... influence you. You were just so perfect for me. I want us to be like that again,” he murmurs.

“How are we supposed to get like that?” You ask quietly, not entirely hating the idea of being happy with a man who treats you right. He sighs heavily and rubs his eyes, suddenly looking exhausted and weary.

“I don’t know. But I know that I’m not going to hurt you. You’re carrying my baby, and I won’t hurt you. Even if you weren’t pregnant, I wouldn’t hurt you again.” His words hang heavy in the air as the two of you absorb them, him with his face in his hands and you with a strawberry stem in yours.

You’re quiet for a long time, thinking about everything he’s told you, everything you remember that you wish you could forget. An idea suddenly hits you full force, and your heart jumps in your chest at what it would mean.

“Could you... make me forget it? All the bad stuff? I... I’ll never be able to live a normal life while I have these memories. Can you get rid of them? Then we’ll live a normal life.” His eyes flash up to yours, hope igniting a flame in them as he nods slowly.

“If you’re sure that’s what you want,” he whispers, wanting more than anything for you to forget and be his obedient little wife again.

“I’m sure,” you say quickly, almost too quickly. Almost.

“I’ll talk to Bucky about it. He’s the one with the book. But I don’t wanna do it until you’ve had time to properly think it over and really consider what you’re asking. I know that... you know you’re it for me. And I’m going to have you no matter what, but making our relationship work is a priority for me, especially now that we’ve got another baby on the way. But you’re mine, and you’ll always be mine. But if that’s what you really want, I’ll do it for you.”

You let out a shuddering breath as he stands up and heads to the door, Sarah’s cries grabbing his attention. With him gone, you take a few deep breaths, trying to come to terms with what you’ve requested of him.

~*~

“Are you sure that you want to forget?” Natasha asks, sitting across from you on the bed. You nod, eyes cast downwards. “I’m forced to stay with him anyway, I might as well be happy while doing it. I just... I want to know what it is, how it affects my brain. I don’t want to be forced into it, I want to learn about it.” She nods, unsure of how she feels about your request.

“Bucky has a book about it, it’s the one they used to control him. He’s had the words wiped from his mind but it explains how it works. I’m sure the two of them would understand if you read it, especially because of how... obedient you’re being.” She eyes you up and down for a moment before sighing.

“I wish it wasn’t like this for you,” she whispers, eyes on the baby in your arms. “Me too,” you agree. “But I know that there’s nothing I can do about it. This is my life, and nothing can change that. So I’d better make the best of it. If this is what leaves everyone feeling at least slightly happy, then I’ll do it.”

Her heart aches at the confession but she understands.

You lean down and plant a gentle kiss to Sarah’s head, smiling when she giggles.

“Steve loves her,” Nat says softly. You nod, looking at the beautiful baby in your arms. “I know. And she loves him. It’ll work. Maybe not in my favour, but it’ll work.” Unable to bear the way that you’re sacrificing your individuality, Natasha gets up and seeks out her friend, wanting to do whatever she can to make you happy. “Steve!” She calls. The blond looks up from his phone, eyebrows raised.

“I want the book. I want to teach her what’s happening to her.” He nods, setting his phone down on the couch beside himself.

“Bucky’s getting it. He should be back within an hour. I want her to be happy before we wipe her again. Buck says it makes it last longer when she’s compliant.” Nat feels sick to her stomach.

“Steve you can’t-” But Steve’s on his feet and rushing past her to the master bedroom, hearing your distressed cries before they reach Natasha’s ears.

He finds you struggling to get out of the bed, Sarah held in one arm.

“Bathroom,” you whisper weakly, one hand held tightly to your mouth. Natasha comes in and takes Sarah from your arms while Steve scoops you up in his and brings you to the bathroom, placing you in front of the toilet and holding your hair back while you gag.

When you finally stop heaving you fall back against steve's chest, bringing your hand up to wipe your face.

Steve's sharp inhale gets your attention and you open your eyes, horror filling you as you see the blood in the toilet and on the back of your hand.

You slowly turn to look up at him, fear in your eyes, and his own face mirrors your expression.

A sharp pain in your stomach makes you cry out, eyes shutting again as agony fills your lower abdomen.

"What's happening in there?!" Natasha demands, peaking her head in through the doorway. Her eyes land on you, hand against your stomach and face screwed up in pain, and she instantly knows what's happening.

"It's okay, darling. You're gonna be okay," Steve says softly, rubbing your back and trying to comfort you.

You squirm on the ground as pain overwhelms you, crying out again and reaching for the closest thing, which happens to be Steve's hand. You squeeze hard, sobbing as the pain sends bolts of fire up your spine and down through your pelvis.

"The doctor's on his way," Nat says, although she knows nothing can be done.

When you open your eyes everything is spinning, the world a blur, and you can hardly hear anything over the ringing in your ears.

"What do I do, Nat?" You don't hear her reply, too busy fighting the darkness that threatens to overtake you. Eventually, fighting becomes too hard, and you fall into the peaceful nothingness that takes the pain away.

~*~

"This is why you can't keep her the way you have been, Steve," Natasha scolds for the millionth time, standing by her friend who sits at the foot of the bed, redrimmed eyes trained on your unconscious face.

"I know," he whispers, trying to get the image of you on the ground, bleeding, out of his mind.

"And neither one of you knew she was pregnant?" She asks. He sighs and nods. "We didn't know how far along. I think both of us assumed she was only a month or two." You had been just over four months.

You scrunch your nose up in discomfort and slowly open your eyes, confused and slightly dazed.

"Hi sweetheart," Steve whispers, moving up on the bed to sit next to you so you can see him.

"What happened?" You ask, voice scratchy and hoarse.

"The doctor couldn't pinpoint one cause... but we... we lost the baby." You furrow your brows and shake your head, wincing slightly at the throb it causes.

"N-no." He nods, tears falling down his cheeks.

"I'm so sorry." You look at Natasha desperately, hoping he's lying, but when she shakes her head solemnly you know it's true.

A strangled gasp leaves you and you squeeze your eyes shut.

"No," you repeat, softer this time.

"I'm sorry," Steve whispers again, holding your hand close to his face.

You tear your hand away from him and bring it to your stomach, fat tears rolling down your face as you realize how empty you feel.

"No!" You cry, curling in on yourself despite the pain. "No!" You hate him. You hate him with every fibre of your being. And you hate yourself for thinking that even for one moment you could be happy with him. He's taken one of the few shreds of light in your life and destroyed it.

Steve and Natasha leave you alone after a while, Steve to get Sarah and Nat to find Bucky.

The isolation gives you time to calm down and to think, and you quickly find yourself hatching a plan.

[scentedsongrebel]

Waiting for light (1/3)

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Female! Reader

Summary: After a mission gone wrong, Bucky finds himself living in his worst nightmare.

Warnings: Cursing maybe?, sexual references but no actual smut, Violence, memory loss, gun use, incorrect medical terms (maybe), angst, so much angst, Mentions of faith and god (no talks of religion), please tell me if I miss any...

Word Count: ~7k

A/N: So this is my entry for @xbuchananbarnes ‘s Dani’s Awesome Writing Challenge Mix Vol. 1, #danisawesomewcmix. Congratulations on your milestone, you totally deserve it! My prompt was 7.“I’m gonna die surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy”. 

This would be a 2 part series because it got too long and I had to split it. I’m so sorry for the heavy angst in this one but this story was in my mind for a while and it fit perfectly in my prompt.

Also sorry if it gets too dramatic. I live for the Drama!

This story is not edited yet.

The sun shines with the remnants of a hectic day as it prepares for its slumber. Right in the path that is eliminated with the last specks of light, a Man drags a Woman.

One arm around her neck keeping her close, the other holding a gun to her head. He slowly moves back, dragging her with him until they reach a point where there was no going further.

The Avengers surround them from all sides, weapons raised and warnings screamed. The Man seems to not care as he presses the revolver harder into your head, eliciting a groan of pain from your lips.

Your legs hurt from the bone you're sure you've broken and blood runs down different wounds, locations of which are unknown.

"You gonna kill me" he smiles devilishly "I'm gonna take your girl with me"

An increase in the pressure around your neck causing you to see black spots.

"Listen Castle" Steve moves in closer "We can work through this just let her go"

"Work through this huh Captain?" Castle spits blood on the ground "I know how this gonna work, I leave her, you kill me"

"No you leave her and we let you live" Tony raises his hand, the mask of his iron man suit opening up.

"I would consider that option of course Stark but what is life really" The guy muses then laughs menacingly "I serve Hydra, my purpose is Hydra and what better way do die than by serving Hydra"

"I can name so many better ways" Tony tries to move forward but a warning glare and pressure of the gun against your head is warning enough to stop him

Castle shakes his head, a wicked smile staying on his lips "Taking the Soldat's girl with me, punishing him for everything he did to Hydra after his betrayal, seems like the best way to go and because I love to increase the pain, you got any last words sweetheart?"

You cringe at the use of the name only Bucky is allowed to call you as you try to pull away the last time before looking the love of your life directly in the eyes.

"Bucky" you whisper, eyes shining with tears you use everything in you to hold back. He tries to reach out to you, tries to say something but the only sound coming out of his petrified mouth his a whisper of your name, so faint you may have missed it if you weren't so acquainted with every movement of his lips.

"Bucky listen" you whisper as a drop of tear rolls down your eye "You have to move on, take care of my babies please."

"Y/n"

"Nat, you take care of my girl and boys. Help him move on, move forward, use your Nat skills to force him into dating again"

Natasha shakes her head, her gun raised at the perpetrator. They all stand hopeless, you are at the end of the cliff, one shot, one wrong move and its over for you. Her eyes give you an answer but you still smile. Assuring her through it that you want her to do that for you. You know she will come around someday.

"And at least I’m gonna die surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy”

And you can see how that one line affects everyone of your friends, your family. For 10 years you've said this exact line before every mission. As a little stress buster, a hammer on the ice that embraces the entire atmosphere in its cold clutches before every single mission. Because no matter how easy a mission, a fear of this being the last one for someone pertains.

The idiots, your idiots you are gonna die surrounded by would be Steve, Natasha, Tony and your Bucky. Maybe if there were more there was a chance for you but you know at this point it isn't. These are the last moments and you wanna make sure they know you were yourself when you leave.

"Bucky take care of m yourself and my babies please"

"No Y/n you are not-"

"That's ENOUGH" the guy screams in your ear readying his gun and Bucky reacts on instinct. It was now or never. Pulling out his gun and shooting directly at the Man's face, another one at his hand, making sure to miss you.

The man falls back off the cliff, taking with and Bucky lets out an ear piercing scream.

"Y/N" be runs to follow you down the cliff before being harshly grabbed by Natasha and Steve. He is sobbing, openly now like the rest of them are before a gush of wind shoots out through and up flies a figure from the end of the cliff.

His wings flap a last time before Sam lands down on the ground. An unconscious figure in his arms.

You.

-------------

The loud voice rings through the open air as many people cringe and nonchalantly try to cover their ears so as not to offend the source of the noise.

You sit on Bucky's lap, between his legs on the front most table (a little away from the stage thank god!) because he insisted that now he is legally certified to keep you as close to him as he wants.

Steve tried to remind him that is not what marriage means.

Bucky tried to remind him he was an irritating punk.

A loud screech reaches your ears and Bucky buries his face in the back of your neck trying to muffle the sound.

"Why would you put me through this" he whispers in your ears from behind.

"Shhh" you turn your head to the side a little to talk to him "He was so excited to do this performance. What was I supposed to do? Tell him no?"

"That's what any sensible bride would have would. You are ruining our wedding"

You roll your eyes and turn more in his lap to get a better view of his face

"Our wedding is perfect. No one can ruin it"

Bucky shakes his head, smiling and taking your kips in a soft kiss which is broken up when Sam plays a very high note and Bucky has to take a wincing break.

"You know, I hate the let anyone do anything they want for our wedding rule"

"But Honey" you say turning back to look at the happy Sam trying and horribly failing at playing the bagpipe "It makes them so happy. They are all excited for us and I wanted them to be able to take part in this however they like"

Bucky groans and turns you to face him again as nuzzles into your neck.

"You are gonna be the death of me Mrs. Barnes" he places a soft kiss on your jaw

You let out a soft laugh just as the instrumental noises get louder and now people have started covering their ears, leaving behind any thoughts of discretion.

"I love you" you say, moving your arms around his neck.

"I love you too" he says and then gives you a kiss on the lips and then whispers in your ear "And I can't wait to get you away from here and all to myself"

You laugh at that whispering a me too in his ear before turning back as Sam reaches his ending verse.

When the performance is over, the round of applause is so loud, you are sure people on the streets can hear it despite the fact that you stand on the roof of a very tall building.

Bucky even gives a standing ovation and you know all this is because the thing is over. You just shake your head as Tony is whistling

 in excitement and Clint is popping champagne in celebration. God these guys were so extra sometimes.

Just as the applause dies down Sam beams at his audience, not really understanding the reason of the clapping.

Just as Sam comes down the stage and Bucky thinks he can celebrate the end of his ear being tortured. There is a new person getting on stage.

Steve smiles at the audience as he plugs in his electric guitar that he has been taking lessons for. Bucky's eyes widen and for a moment he thinks maybe it will be fine but then Steve hits the first note, singing too this time and he gets back down on the chair, pulling you to his lap again.

You give him a small guilty smile "Its not that bad"

Bucky sighs

"Your gonna be the death of me Mrs. Barnes"

----------------

Bucky sat at the fluffy chair Steve had bought for him saying if he's gonna spend all his free time here the least he can do is keep him comfortable and back pain free. Bucky is not sure he can even have back pain.

He leans forward, holding your hand close to his heart as he speaks "and then she asked me If plants need rain and sun to grow, and rainbows are made of light and water, are rainbows plant food?"

He laughs as he tells you that, looking over at your bed laid body for a sign to want to say something back. When you stay still he sighs and continues "What did I say you ask? I just nodded and agreed with her" a deep laugh "I mean what else am I supposed to even say right? God Y/n our little girl is getting so smart with age-"

"Definitely taking after and mother than"

Bucky swiftly turns around, taking up a protective stance in front of you as he turns to look at the intruder.

"Geez chill Barnes. Its just me" she raises her hands, then crosses them before leaning on the door frame sideways for support.

"What have I said about sneaking up on me" Bucky asks with a sigh, sitting down again

"Not to do it or you may end up killing me" she says nonchalantly

"Yet you don't stop"

"Yet you don't kill me"

Bucky just shakes his head, taking hold of your hand and placing a soft kiss on you knuckles.

"How is she?" Natasha asks from behind him

"Like she is everyday" he says plainly

She just nods her head, staying quiet for a while before moving forward and taking a seat herself on the other side of your bed

"Buvk we need to-"

"No"

"James listen we need to-"

"Don't you dare say it Natalia" he growls at her, eyes holding so much anger any other person would have ran for their lives. But Natasha was not any other person maybe that is why she was the one here for this talk

"Well Steve is too concerned about you to say it, Sam is too emotional, others don't have the courage to do it which means I have to be the one to say it"

He glares at her which she returns with concerned eyes. They stay there looking at each other for a while before Nat sighs and starts

"We have to decide if she would have wanted this"

"I have to decide and my decision is made"

"James its been 6 months"

"They said there was brain activity" Bucky screams at her

"They also said that she may always be in vegetative state. Do you really think Y/n would want that?"

At the mention of your name he quickly turns to look at you. His beautiful girl, his wife, lying of the bed, lifeless. Your hand is connected to an IV and a ventilator provides air to your body. Your head bald and bandaged after surgery and a feeding tube going in your nose. Your eyes are closed and Bucky had to close his too because its getting too much. He turns back to Natasha.

"I don't care what she would have wanted"

"James-"

"No don't James me Natalia. You won't understand. I will not let my kids grow up without their mother"

"A mother who may never wake up"

And that is enough for Bucky as he suddenly gets up from his chair pushing it back causing it to fall down with a loud BHOM!. He turns to Natasha, eyes blaxing with her anger he moves closer to her.

Natasha takes a step back, scared for her well being for the first time since she entered the room. He comes closer until he is just inches from her and looks down at her figure

"What do you want me to do huh? Kill her" he growls "Add the love of my life to the list?"

"James" Nat can feel the tears form in her own eyes as a single drop falls down Bucky's. She knew this conversation was going to be hard. It was hell for her to even think about the mere possibility of having to pull the plug on you but in times like these someone had to be a voice of reason, to hold everyone together.

"Natalia" he whispers through more tears "I can't tell my Matilda and Nixon I didn't fight for their mother when they grow up and ask about her. I can't let go until the doctors tell me there is no chance for her to wake up. Not the she may never. I want the she will never before I even think about it ok? Because if I have to, I am okay, completely happy to live with this hope, to be able to hold her hand and smell her scent, to listen to her heartbeat. So please let me have this for a while before I think of other things and if you or anyone has a problem with this then tell me and I will take my wife and kids and get away from your lives".

Nat just shakes her head as a sob escapes her lips and she moves forward, engulfing Bucky in a hug as she lets out cries. He stays still for a second before hugging her back, letting out his own silent sobs.

"She will be okay" He says pulling away from Nat and looking at you "I know she will"

----------------

All the avengers look up at the door when someone barges in. Nat's shoulders are slumped and her usually stiff posture is crumpled as she takes a seat at the table of the conference.

Tony moves to ask her something but she is faster to speak

"I can't do it" she sighs shaking her head. Her eyes bloodshot and the only indication of her previously crying state. "I thought I was ready but I'm not"

"None of us are ready" Steve moves to place his hand on hers "We just need to talk about this as a possibility so as if one day-" he stops to take a deep breath "if one day, if we have to we are prepared to be their for Buck and the kids"

"Bucky also needs to think about this possibility" Pepper points out shaking her head "We need to say this to him no matter how much it hurts because its not just him, he would have to hold it together for the twins"

"I hate this" Sam grumbles looking at his hands on the table in front of him

"We all do birdbrain" Tony sighs from his place looking around at the dejected faces of his team mates, friends and family minus two "Well all hate this with a passion"

----------------

The birds were chirping in welcome to the early morning sun while Bucky was looking at your sleeping form.

There were very few days that would start this way. Usually you both were not early birds in any chance and tried to stay in bed as long as you can before yoh needed to get off and get to work.

Bucky lets the soothing rhythm of your steady heartbeat calm his mind as he closes his eyes in bliss. He loved these mornings with you. Even if you two would move away sometime during the night, by the mornings you just found your way back into his arms.

He listens to the steady dhap dhap fhap dhap before something catches his ears and he swiftly opens his eyes.

Moving to get a clear sound and yes he can hear it. He carefully moves your hands away from his waist as he starts to move away ignoring from whining groan.

He moves the blanket covering your naked body and moves his hand over your stomach before bending and placing his ear on it.

And his heart skips a beat as he hears it. Loud and clear. He hears it.

"Bucky" you groan as you move to sit up, leaning against the headboard "What happened"

Bucky ignores you as he moves to place his ear against your stomach again and yup its still there.

His eyes fill up with tears he can't control and he looks up at you wifh those shining blue eyes.

"Hey baby what's wrong" You try to move closer to him, moving your hands to his cheeks

Bucky shakes his head, trying to process, trying to let out words but all he can do is give you a soft smile as a tear rolls down his eye.

"I hear heartbeat" he says slowly

Your eyebrows knit together and a frown makes home on your face "Umm. Yeah I know you can hear my heartbeat. It stopped being creepy long ago"

"No" Bucky shakes his head, trying to pull himself together, to control the sea of emotions going through him right now

"I-I-I hear a-a heartbeat" he says slowly, smiling at you and pointing at your stomach

You look at him in confusion for a while, clearly early mornings are not good for you and now he is gonna make sure you get as much sleep as you want. A moment before understanding draws on your face and you move your hand to cover your mouth

You look at your husband with wide eyes and he nods his head through the tears and suddenly you let a little happy sob

"I'm pregnant?" You look at him questioningly

Bucky nods his head excitedly "There is a heartbeat right here" he points at your stomach "faint but it there".

You try to move your head towards your stomach, to have a listen yourself but failing of course before looking at Bucky again

"And and you are okay with this?" You ask slowly

"Could not be more happy doll" he whispers moving closer and taking your lips in his "you have given me everything I never thought I could have"

You smile at him before pulling away "Wait" you say holding up a finger to stop him from kissing you again "We can't celebrate until we are sure"

"I am sure doll" he moves a string of your hair that was falling on your face behind your ear.

"No no" you laugh trying to speak as he keeps kissing you again and again "We need a doctor confirmation"

"Whatever you want" he says as he lays you down on his bed and starts his expedition of your body

"Just be ready to be pampered a whole lot more now my love"

------------------

"And this one" his little girl moves another piece of drawing in front of him as he scans through all the drawings previously laid in front of him. Pictures of what he could only guess are of the four of you together. His family in stick figures. One of all the Avengers and their kids. One of him and his metal arm, one of the black widow with her symbol besides her, captain america with his sheild, the falcon flying in the sky, the iron man and so many other drawings that would be nothing but ugly for someone outside these four walls. But within, these were masterpieces that were all gonna be pinned at the pin board you had specially bought to pin these drawings to when the fridge doors were full.

"Wow these are all so pretty sweetie" he says with adoration "it seems like they were made by an artist"

She laughs at that moving another piece of art near his face and he feels his heart stop "This one is Mom"

She says brightly looking at his face for another compliment. He looks the drawing over, a woman with her hair pulled up because you never understood how girls like Nat didn't get irritated by the hair constantly falling on their faces. The stick figure rendition is a little weird but the little Mom besides the figure makes him smile.

"This one is the best" he gives her the biggest smile she can nodding his head

"It is isn't it" she says taking hold of the picture and waving it up and down "that's because its of mom"

Bucky fakes a look of shock, looking at the picture again "oh yeah that's why it looks so good. Because your mom makes everything she is a part of beautiful doesn't she"

Matilda nods her head vigorously before giving the picture back to her father "So can we put it up on the board"

He nods his head "All of these belong on the board. These are all brilliant. You're gonna be a little artist like your Uncle Stevie aren't you?"

She nods her head following him as he moves to pin the pictures on the board "Yes and Uncle Steve said he would buy me that big water color set for my birthday"

"Uncle Steve loves to spoil you doesn't he" Bucky mutters, moving to pin every single picture on the board. His eyes fall on every other picture previously attached to the board you had made sure covered an entire wall of the kids' playroom so there was always room for their art. There were works of both the kids from school and some they made at home themselves. You had always taken pride in everything your children created and never let anything be put anywhere except for this board.

Just as he attaches the last piece of drawing on the board a thought pops in his head

"Hey you didn't draw a picture of your brother?" Bucky asks curiously looking down at her "You always draw one of him too"

She frowns at the mention of her twin and looks down at her shoes

"I don't like Nixon". She mutters angrily

"Well of course you don't like him he's your brother, you love him" Bucky teases, bending down to reach her level

Her face scrunches at his comment and she shakes her head in disgust

"No, I don't love him, I hate him"

Bucky shakes his head "What does mom say about that word?"

"That we should not hate anyone" she mutters still looking down "but-but Nixon just makes me so angry"

Bucky can't help but smile at that, his kids just can't seem to go a day without fighting it seems

"And what happened this this?"

"I showed him the picture of mom I drew" she starts to say looking at Bucky with shining eyes "And when I said I will show it to her when she wakes up, he said she won't wake up"

Bucky feels his heart stop at her words and he freezes on the spot. 'How did- What did he-' . A million thoughts run down his mind. He had worked so hard to keep his kids happy and feel everything was alright. He had made sure they don't have to bear the burden of the harsh situation. He had made sure they don't have to worry about this exact possibility then how did he find out? Who the hell told his little boy things they didn't deserve to tell him.

Anger shoots through his veins which he tries to control as he looks at Matilda with a smile, trying to mask his real emotions like every time

"What?" He shakes his head "That's not true"

Matilda nods at him and moves her arms around his neck and he takes her in his arms

"I said that but he said he heard doctors talking about her in the medical area"

Bucky had made sure their were no talks about your condition in front of his kids. He made sure there was no doctor near the room when he brought his kids over for visits with their mother and kept and eye and his ears alert to make sure they don't hear anything they don't need to.

Then who the hell was this doctor that told this to his son. Bucky felt rage again only calmed by the crying daughter in his arms. Someone was gonna loose their job for making his daughter cry like this.

He rubs his hands on her back, trying to keep himself together for her sake and muttering soothing words of its fine, mom's fine in her ears.

He talks to her, reassures her of her mom's well being for atleast 10 mins before the 'when will she even wake up' and 'I miss her's' quieten down she starts to fall asleep in his arms, tired from an entire hectic day of school, drawing and crying.

He hates that his children have to go through this. He hates that his bad luck, the beef that the old ladies of faith have with him is affecting his wife and kids like this. Hates how he tells his kids he would protect them from anything yet not being able to protect them from this heartbreak.

He picks Matilda up and moves to her room - separate from her twin's because you and Bucky could not deal with more fights of which color would the walls be and what bed would belong to which child-

He tucks his little girl in her bed, kissing her forehead and wishing her goodnight before switching off the main light and turning on the night light.

He looks at his daughter one last time before sighing and leaving the room.

He needs to have a talk with a little man.

---------------

"Will you stop pouting like that" you say from your place on the bed

"I don't like this" he says with a frown

"Well you don't have to" you give him a small smile "What do you want me to do? Not get the life saving operation"

"Well I need you to take care of yourself" he moves forward in his chair to hold your hand

"Then what would you do?" A cheeky smile. Bucky is not amused

"This is not a joke Y/n" he says seriously "Its not just you anymore, what would I say to the kids if something happened to you. You can't be so reckless during missions"

You sigh moving to make space on your hospital bed so he can lie besides you. When you pat the bed, gesturing for him to join you in he seems hesitant before he sighs and gets on the bed with you, moving his arm to place it around your shoulder

"I'm so sorry James" you say moving closer to him and resting your head on his chest "You know how long we were hunting Castle for. He was the last one of those after our kids, I couldn’t have let him get away and if I hadn’t had been injured, you know there was no chance he could have pulled something like that”

Bucky sighs nodding his head "Now we can be free, maybe I can finally retire"

Your hand that was rubbing circles on his chest stops its motion and you move away to get a clear view of his face. He gives you a small smile before he pecks your lips

"I've been thinking about it, about being a stay at home dad" he says "I am tired of fighting. I am done with this business. Maybe I was for a long time but I never knew how to stop and now I do. I wanna take care of my kids and wait for my wife to come home from saving the world"

"Bucky" you whisper moving your palm to rest on his cheek

"I know you love the fight and I don't want you to stop but for myself I just want to be a house husband. I have enough money from the government to not be short on money. And well with my beautiful hard working bread earning wife, I would never have to work"

You laugh at that, resting your head back on his chest and smiling

"I like that idea, if that is what you want"

"I do, more than anything doll"

There is a knock on the door and you both look up to see the nurse "We have to start the pre-ops" she says giving you both a sad smile "I'll be back in a minute"

The fear that Bucky thought had melted away returns as he moves to get up from your bed

"James"

"I'm okay" he looks at his feet as he sits down and starts wearing his shoes, avoiding eye contact

"Hey look at me" he shakes his head "I will rip off my IV if you don't"

This makes him quickly look up "Don't you dare"

"Good now that you can see me" you say moving a little in your bed to get comfortable before gesturing for him to give you his hand which he does "Whenever your mind takes you to dark places just pray"

Bucky rolls his eyes "You know I don't believe in all that"

You nod your head "And I am not telling you to, just I don't know who you do it to maybe the sun, the moon, to someone you lost, god, anyone, just pray"

"And everything will get better?" asks sarcastically

You shake your head "It will give you hope to hold onto"

----------------------

Hope he was holding onto like his life depended on it which it did. Head trauma they said. Surgical complications leading to a coma. The hit that you got on the head by the rock protruding out of the mountain before Sam got you was more severe than any of them thought.

The doctors said the labs don't always show the exact situation until they are in the Operating Room and so you never woke up from the surgery.

There was significant brain activity that they could say maybe you would wake up but not enough to tell when that maybe would come or if it ever would. Bucky was ready to wait as long as it took.

He knocks on the door twice before a little come in is sounded from the inside and he pushes the door open.

His son sits with his own drawings, using the water colors Steve had bought for both of the kids to share which did not end well and Steve had to buy two new ones. Having gotten a very important lesson in raising twins. Always get two of everything.

Nixon keeps his head in his drawing as he dips his paint brush in the black color paint.

"What you got there" Bucky asks as he sits down in front of his son. With both his kids as tiny artists, he had learned to respect their dedication to their works.

"I'm painting" Nixon nods his head, still not looking at Bucky "I know you are here to scold me"

"Hey" Bucky calls out to his son who does not look up from his painting, having abandoned coloring on the paper "Hey honey look at me"

Nixon shakes his head before his eyes fill up with tears. Bucky moves the paints and painting from between them and moves to take his son in his arms.

Whoever did this. Which ever irresponsible person told all this to his son, whoever did this to his baby has another thing coming for them.

"Hey its okay hey buddy" Bucky rubs soothing circles on his son's back, trying to calm him down. This was the second time today he finds himself in this position and the hopelessness he feels is beyond anything. He couldn't lie to his children, couldn't look them in the eyes and say something even he was not sure about. So reassurances it was. Words he told himself every night.

His children needed you. Just like he did.

After what seems like a while of just his son crying and Bucky trying to hold it together, Nixon pulls away, muttering through his sobs.

"I wanted to tell Mom about my new friend Tyler and show her the star Miss Huffman gave me and and-"

Another sob and Bucky pulls his son into another embrace,

"Its okay"

But Nixon pulls back again, going on

"So I went to see her when you went to the store and Aunty Wanda thought I was sleeping and I went to mom's room in medical and when I was hiding the people there were telling each other that she may not wake up"

Bucky shakes his head, moving both his hands to cup his son's cheeks as he looks up at the ceiling for a minute. Hold it together Barnes. You can't let him see you cry and scare him more.

"Hey Buddy?" Bucky whispers after a moment, wiping away his son's cheeks of any and all tears. Nixon just nods his head, sniffling his nose.

"You know Mom and I never lie to you" a nod "So I will tell you the truth, okay?"

Nixon nods his head again "okay"

"Mom is sick" Bucky starts moving to sit both himself and his son on the bed and pulling the covers over themselves "She got hurt on the head. You know how we always tell you to wear a helmet or take care of your head when playing?"

Nixon nods his head "Yeah"

"That is because when we get hurt on the head, it takes a lot of time to get better"

The boy sniffles his nose and Bucky pulls out his handkerchief from his pocket, giving it to him

"So Mom got hit in the head"

"Yes, while fighting the bad guy, her head was hurt and so she will take a little longer to wake up"

"But they said-"

"Its the doctor's job to say that" Bucky tries to come up with a convincing reason "That is because they don't know how strong your Mom is now do they"

Nixon shakes his head at that "She is very strong"

"That she is and that is why she would wake up"

"But when?"

Bucky sighs at that. A question he asks himself every single day. If only he had an answer.

"I don't know" his son frowns at that and Bucky pulls him close "But do you know who does?"

Nixon looks at him questioningly

"God" Bucky shakes his head. His memories taking him to you "When you don't know what else to do, just pray. To anyone you want to, just pray"

"And Mom would get okay?" Nixon asks excitedly

Bucky shakes his head smiling "You would have some kind of hope to hold on to"

"Huh" the little boy mutters, clearly not understanding anything Bucky says.

"Nothing, come on its your bed time. How about I stay right here with you tonight"

Nixon nods his head excitedly and moves to make space for Bucky to lie down with him. He starts to talk about his day and telling him things he wishes to tell his Mom when she wakes up. Bucky hears patiently to every word the little boy says before falling asleep in his father's arms.

Bucky looks at his sleeping form, moving away the hair strings falling on his forehead and sighs.

He needed to be more clear with both the kids about things. Because as much as he wants it to, he can't control everything they may find out and its best if they hear it from him.

-----------

"Sergeant Barnes, Captain Rogers requests your presence in the Medical Wing"

Bucky jerks awake from his bed as F.R.I.D.A.Y 's voice announces through his bed room walls.

"Y/n" he whispers before hastily putting on a shirt and running out the room.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y can you please ask Wanda to come to my house to look after the kids please" Bucky says as he hastily puts his shoes on and opens the main door of his apartment in the Avengers compound.

"No need I'm here" Wanda says as she stands on the other end of the door

"Wanda what-"

She shakes her head "I don't know its just, I got a message from Nat to look after the kids"

Bucky nods his head, his heart beating wildly in his chest "They are asleep in their rooms, Thank you so much"

She puts her hand on his shoulder in reassurance. Bucky looks at her and she nods her head, he nods back before running out his apartment and towards the medical wing.

By the time he reaches the medical wing, he is completely out of breath and wheezing. All his thoughts focused on one thing. He prays to whoever he can that its not something bad.

Steve is standing outside your room and when he sees Bucky coming his way he tries to stop him

"Buck-" Bucky is having none of that as he tries to push Steve away and get inside

"Steve what is it" Bucky growls angrily "Let me go see my wife"

"Bucky listen" Steve says shaking his head and putting his arms on Bucky's shoulder to hold him back "Before you go in you need to listen to me-"

But before Steve can say anything any further Bucky's eyes move through the open door of your hospital room and your form sitting on the hospital bed, looking at Natasha as she says something.

Bucky feels his heart stop as tears of joumy start to fill his eyes. This was the moment. She was awake and even though he feels a tinge of sadness in his heart that he was not the first person you met after waking up, he feels elated beyond belief that you were there is front of his eyes awake and responding.

Steve words reach deaf ears as Buvky pushes him away and runs into your room before Steve could stop him.

You look away from Natasha and towards him and Bucky can feel his heart stopping.

You were awake. This is real.

There is a recognition in your eyes and before he can think anything, Bucky finds himself running towards you and taking you in a bone crushing hug. You seem to have stiffen, not responding to the hug initially before you move your hands towards his shoulders and push him away with as much force as you can master.

He looks up at you completely confused before you look at him too, holding eye contact for a moment, before your eyes seem to go distant. After what seems like minutes of silence and staring, you let out and ear piercing causing the occupants of the room to over their ears, everyone except Bucky who is frozen in place.

"Natalia" you turn to Nat, pointing frantically at Bucky"he is the one who tried to kill me, that man is the one who shot me"

"Wha-" before Bucky can say anything, Steve pulls him away from you and out of the room, Bucky does not give much of a fight as his eyes stay fixed on the door that your nurse closed after Steve pulled him out.

"That is what I was trying to tell you Buck" Steve says sadly running his hand through his hair "We think she has something called Partial Amnesia, she does not remember us, she only remembers her past, only remembers Nat as Natalia"

Bucky feels tears roll down his eyes freely as he looks at Steve hopelessly

"And she remembers little bits and pieces of things" Steve says sadly "She remembers you shooting at her not at the person behind her"

"She thinks I tried to kill her" Bucky says before he completely breaks down and loses his balance as Steve runs to catch him.

------------------

I'm so sorry but I just realized, I didn't specify the kids' age. They are twins and are 6 years old.

PART 2  Coming Soon....

[maddestzoomer]

honey and glass

chapter one - early morning thoughts

read on ao3

summary: The feelings Max has for Eleven both alarm and attract her. Now that the girl she likes has moved away, it's time Max comes to terms with her emotions.

warnings: swearing, violence, homophobia, neil hargrove being an asshole, grief, general angst

word count: 2.3k

a.n.

- i thought this would be a really cute concept, so i decided to turn it into a story :) if you end up with any thoughts, feelings, or helpful criticisms about this concept, feel free to share them by either messaging me or leaving them in the comments! <3

OCTOBER 21st, 1986

Who do you think of in the early mornings?

When the sun flirts with the treetops and your throat aches with dryness, who lingers in the back of your mind?

For Max, it's almost always Eleven. Sometimes it's Billy and sometimes it's even her dad, Sam, but more often than not, it's flashes of that lovely brunette.

Now, though, thoughts of El don't just happen in the early mornings when one's brain is foggy and grey. It happens when she reads a comic or when she skates past the destroyed remnants of Starcourt. It happens when she hangs out with Lucas or when she listening to sappy '80s love songs.

Oddly enough, thoughts of El almost always come whirl around Max's mind when she's around a girl named Robin.

The two had gotten to know one another rather awkwardly, both being sat down on a stretcher as firefighters and other EMS workers buzzed like busy bees around them. There's no better way to meet a new friend than through shared trauma, right?

Robin tried to comfort the shocked, crying Max through distracting stories, but the words got jumbled and the stories turned soupy. Enough so that Max ended up laughing a bit, though it was a sad laugh. It was a laugh that still held pained tears in her eyes- but it was better than nothing.

Over the months, the two had gotten closer; sort of becoming the female friendship equivalent of Steve and Dustin.

Their friendship is pleasant and comforting. Robin acts almost as though she were the big sibling Max never got to (and will never again get to) have. Plus, it was nice to have another girl around after Eleven left.

Max was pulled from her thoughts as she heard Neil walk down the hallway, all slow feet and heavy steps. She felt her chest grow tight and her stomach twist as she clenched her jaw.

Ever since Billy's death, Neil has been absolute hell to be around. An almost constant haze of alcohol and cigarette smoke follows him like a kicked dog, making him sour at his best and raging at his worst.

Max gripped her blanket tightly as Neil walked past her door, which was thankfully closed.

It's officially been a year since she moved from California, now being October in Hawkins. One full rotation around the Sun was enough to completely toss her world upon its head.

It was strange to think about how different her life was when she was back in California. All the people she didn't know, all the feelings she didn't have.

A soft sigh escaped her lips as she sat up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. Sometimes she thought about what her life would have been if she'd stayed in California and lived with her dad- but she didn't like paying much mind to those thoughts given how little they changed anything.

Her feet were greeted with cold floors, earning a soft cringe from Max as she stood up. Walking to her dresser, she got out a pair of jeans and an old, sun-bleached t-shirt.

It was Saturday, and Max's plans for the day were relatively nonexistent, though she did know she'd like to stop by and visit with Robin for a little while.

She had a few questions she needed answering and she figured (hoped, mostly) Robin may have been able to help.

She got dressed, then brushed her hair and teeth before washing her face with cold water.

Today felt heavy, which was strange. Normally, once the sun greeted the sky, icky feelings were banished to a corner of Max's mind until the moon again rose. It was easier that way; to smile and laugh without worrying, even if it wasn't genuine.

Maybe the icky feeling had to do with the questions Max wanted to ask Robin, or maybe it had to do with the fact Max hardly got any sleep.

Whatever it was, though, Max didn't want to think about it much longer, and so she ignored it.

Max was fantastic at ignoring feelings. Some would call it compartmentalizing, but Max would call it self preservation.

She grabbed her jean jacket, shouldering it on before slipping on a pair of shoes, then picking her skateboard up. It was still early- 7:48 am to be more specific- so she figured the rest of the party would still be sleeping, but probably not Robin. The girl was the queen of rising early in the morning.

Slowly, she came from her room, already smelling early morning cigarette smoke and misplaced anger.

Her stomach twisted in knots as she heard some rummaging in the kitchen- a glass fall and then some mumbled curses.

Just then, she decided breakfast wouldn't be a priority today. Quietly, she closed her door again before heading to her window.

She opened the window, biting down on her bottom lip as it squeaked open.

Softly, she huffed as she tossed her skateboard from the window, then jumping down with an uncomfortable thud.

Fall whispers in the chilly early morning air, telling of the winter that's to come.

Max runs a hand through her thick hair, picking her board up before beginning to walk to the road where she could ride.

If she were being completely honest, Max seriously isn't a morning person- but she can appreciate how quiet the world becomes when the sun has just barely risen and how it can feel like the world is yours, even if only for a little while.

. . .

If there was one thing Max was usually thankful for, it's the fact Robin doesn't live all that far from her house- Only a fifteen-minute ride on skateboard.

Today, however, Max wasn't as thankful for her friend's close residence. Maybe this wasn't the right thing to do... but who else could she turn to? Who did she trust enough to tell her secret to?

Secrets are what define people, as opposed to what one decides to show the world. There's a type of safety that comes with secret-keeping- but there's also insecurity and doubt.

So... how would the world react to a girl loving another girl?

That single thought made Max chew on the flesh inside her cheek, beginning to feel her pulse quicken. What even was love, anyway? Max knew gay people existed- men who loved men and women who loved women. After all, she was raised near San Francisco.

Robin had already come out to Max.

Well- sort of.

Max had jokingly asked Robin if she was crushing on anyone, to which Robin grew quiet. Quiet enough for it to become worrisome.

Max became stressed when she saw Robin beginning to drift off, and so she immediately apologized for asking a seemingly invasive question, which only made Robin chuckle a little awkwardly

"I... uh," Robin let out a sharp breath, smiling faintly "You wouldn't know her."

Her?

Max didn't press Robin any further after that. She felt she didn't need to, and on top of that, she didn't want to make Robin any more uncomfortable than she already clearly was.

That was a couple of months ago, and the topic of sexuality hasn't come up since. That isn't to say Max hasn't thought about what Robin said.

Max thought of her interaction with Robin often. It was the reason Max hoped talking with Robin would help answer some of her questions... But at the same time, the questions she had made her feel uncomfortably queasy.

The very last thing Max wanted to do would be to damage her friendship between her and Robin, and there was a part of her that thought the questions she had would make the older girl want to sever their friendship.

Max swallowed down harshly as she realized she was nearing Robin's street.

Worst comes to worst- Max can decide not to ask the questions. She can just say something about her wanting to get out of the house- something about Neil being in a predictably bad mood- which really wouldn't be a lie... just, sort of double-speaking.

The feeling of unease only grew stronger as she skated closer to her friend's home. For a quick moment, she considered turning around.

Fuck- Was this even appropriate- to show up at your friend's house unannounced at nearly 8 in the morning with questions one fears the answers to?

Maybe it was.

Max stomped her foot on the ground a few times until she was at a stop, then bent over and grabbed her board. She already felt her chest growing tighter, and so she took a deep breath.

She stared at her friend's house for a few moments (studying it, thinking of the conversation ahead, contemplating what the actual fuck is next) before beginning to walk up the home's cement path and to the porch, where she felt her heart quicken slightly more with every step

Then, taking another deep breath, she raised her arm and gently knocked on the door.

Max knew Robin's mom wouldn't be home just yet considering she was a nurse who worked the night-shift, which made things ever-so-slightly easier.

Robin's mom, Lily, was a lovely woman, but it was better if it was only her and Robin- especially considering Max didn't know what her friend's reaction would be. And, on top of it, she didn't have much longer to think about those possibilities.

"Oh- Hey, Max!" A messy-haired Robin greeted with a smile as she opened the door. "What are you doing here?" Her tone wasn't at all angry or bothered, just genuinely curious.

"I just needed to get out of the house." Max said as Robin moved from the doorway, wordlessly welcoming the younger girl into her home.

"Fair enough." Robin said, closing the door. She knew what Max's home life was like.

"Want some french toast? I accidentally made extra." By 'accidentally made extra', Robin actually meant she was fine with sacrificing some of her food for Max.

"Uh, yes, please." Max replied softly, slipping her shoes off and setting her skateboard down at the doorway. Seeing Robin helped to extinguish some of that anxiety- but still, part of it remained, floating around in her brain.

Max found herself glancing around the home a few times to pictures of a baby Robin and to the occasional small, somewhat floral painting. The house's aesthetic was so completely opposite of Robin's- all peach walls and sea-foam carpets with an almost constant lingering smell of bleach.

"You have any plans for today?" Robin asked, glancing over her shoulder as she walked to the kitchen.

Max shook her head as she followed. "No. Not yet, anyway."

"Good, cause' I want you to hang out with me today." Robin turned away, grabbing a spatula so she could put two slices on a plate.

Max frowned a bit, smiling slightly. "And what does 'hanging out' entail?"

"I dunno," Robin said with a small chuckle, placing the plate down on the kitchen's counter. "I just wanna get out of the house for today. I hate being cooped up all the time."

Robin, unsurprisingly, hates staying in one place for too long. She likes going on walks and driving around- exploring and such. There's almost never enough to see and do, especially in a town as boring and conservative as Hawkins.

"Alright then."

Robin added another two pieces of french toast to a different plate, then went to a drawer to grab out two forks. The whole time she did this, Max watched her quietly. Even though Robin was always fun and interesting to spend time with, Max still simply couldn't stop thinking of what her reaction might be.

But Robin likes girls too, right? So what kind of homophobic hypocrite would one have to be to push away a young girl with questions of her sexuality?

"Want some coffee?" Robin asked, which earned a small smile and nod from Max. There weren't many people she knew who'd offer a 14-year-old coffee. She liked it, though. It made her feel more adult in some ways, even though it was only a beverage.  

Silence again fell over the two as Robin prepared for the two to eat. The silence wasn't uncomfortable (at least not to Robin), but it did feel strange to Max.

Glancing to the clock on the wall, Max saw it was a little past 8 now. Fuck.

Getting the question out of the way now might be better, right? If Robin reacts badly, Max can just have the whole day to herself to process possibly losing a friend.

Max ran a hand through her hair, wishing she could simply pause her thoughts. Slowly, she trod over to the counter. Inside, her feelings felt brewed and blended- unable to make any one distinct emotion.

"What kind of creamer do you want? We have French Vanilla and Pumpkin Spice." Robin said, making her way over to the fridge.

Max didn't bother answering the question. Instead, she simply stared at the egg-shell white of the counter, contemplating what the everliving fuck she should do. Her back was turned to Robin, which was comforting in an offbeat way.

Her mind couldn't stop jumping from two opposites- from thinking Robin will in no way help and will think she's weird to thinking she will actually be able to help given she sort of implied she likes girls.

"Robin?" Max finally croaked out, her voice sounding unfamiliarly insecure. She harshly bit down on the inside of her bottom lip upon feeling Robin's eyes land on her. At that moment, she wished she could shrink down and disappear or simply, that she never spoke in the first place.

Robin frowned once she heard Max's tone, just how peculiar it sounded. Almost automatically, something felt off. "Umm... Yeah?"

Just say it.

Just say it.

It's not that hard.

It's not that fucking hard.

"How do you know you like girls?"