#and suddenly all the people who were following the story on the artists website came to ao3

[spacejammie-eimmajecaps]

I just had the weirdest dream

[genericpuff]

no but listen, rachel has truly embodied herself as persephone because she's constantly trying to "distance herself" from her past as a medical fetish artist but then keeps the name that's affiliated with her medical fetish art-

Like, I can't believe I never noticed it before tbh, but that was the thought that hit me while I was explaining to someone on reddit what the name "used bandaid" meant and why it was weird that Rachel is STILL using it on her print cover books, even now when she just recently set up a new Facebook account with her REAL NAME and not the used_bandaid penname (I feel like this is an attempt to "legitimize" herself in the industry but idk).

But that leads me into talking about how she keeps lying about LO being her first webcomic project and that really pisses me off. And yes, this is related to the used_bandaid thing, just bear with me here.

A lot of my contempt for this is for reasons that go beyond her, I just hate the notion that people should succeed on their "first try" and that's an idea that's often sold by people like Rachel who spin these grandiose stories of how they were just "trying it out" and suddenly wham! Fame and fortune! You can achieve all this and more if you just xyz!

Literally, in every interview I've found over the past couple years, she always heavily implies that LO was her "first attempt", that she had never used Webtoons prior to LO, and that she was just "dipping her toes" into the medium. None of this is true, she's literally been drawing webcomics since the early 2000's (possibly earlier but the earliest documentation we can find is of The Doctor Pepper Show), LO wasn't even her first webcomic on the Webtoons platform (that goes to The Doctor Foxglove Show which she ended up dumping a chapter in to work on LO almost immediately after starting it on Tumblr) and as much as she'll claim she "couldn't pay anyone to look at her work", she had landed a number of gigs that got her work out there, had been printed in anthology collections, and IIRC she had even won some small local NZ awards for her comics prior to LO. Shit, there was a local beer brand that had her art on its labelling.

But it really feels like she's trying her damn hardest to hide all that, never mentioning or implying that she did anything prior to LO, that she was just a "struggling graphic artist working in retail" until LO happened.

So why keep the penname that's directly affiliated with that past identity ??

It boggles my mind, honestly, especially considering she had gone by MULTIPLE usernames back then, some of which were actually pretty sane that she could have used instead (such as Rach Alex, which she uses in her FB groups, and Rachel Royale).

I wouldn't blame her if she was trying to hide her old medical fetish stuff, whether she didn't want it affiliated with her new LO branding or if she's just embarrassed by it, I can totally empathize with that because god knows I wouldn't be all that proud to show off the cringy shit I got up to during my early days on the Internet. But if she IS embarrassed by it, you'd think the last thing she'd want to keep is the name that's directly affiliated with the thing she's embarrassed by. Almost like a certain pink protagonist who goes by the name she earned after doing the thing she doesn't want to talk about.

But if she ISN'T embarrassed by it, then why lie?

Why paint this picture that LO was a one hit wonder, that she lived on "struggle street" until she found fame and fortune on Webtoons?

Oh right. Because it's a better story.

Because it's way more romantic to be some struggling indie darling who "came from nothing" and achieved fame through one big idea. Because it looks good for the platform who's trying to attract people to their app and website on the promise that you, too, can be a success story simply because you followed the exact same perceived steps that you saw another person follow and advertise.

If you can't tell from my tone, I really fucking hate this kind of disingenuous wish fulfillment advertising. It's manipulative, it's cruel, and it sets people up with expectations far beyond their scope of reaching, both due to the luck and "being in the right place at the right time" involved at best (which is a HUGE factor in stories like these that people never talk about), or through joy-killing comparison at worst when you don't achieve worldwide fame on your first try and wonder why everyone else did (spoiler: they didn't, they just want you to think that because it makes for better headlines and it gets you using whatever product they're affiliated with.)

If Rachel doesn't want to be tied down to her past, that's fine. But it's incredibly irresponsible and flat out cruel to lie about that past existing at all because it sets a horrible precedent to those who look up to her and want what she has.

And I say all that because I've seen what happens to the people starting out who admire these creators who painted the picture that they were just successful right off the bat. It's not a fun headspace to be in, it's robbed many creators like myself and others of their joy in creating, and it's really all just a ploy to get you to spend time and money and energy on a stupid corporate phone app that profits off your emotional investment and labor. Don't fall for it. Pretending like the Act of Wrath didn't happen doesn't remove it from history.

Anyways, I was gonna leave it at that, but then I ended up doing another rabbithole deep dive through her Wayback Machine and found album art she had illustrated for NZ band PorcelainToy. Enjoy this piece of her "dark era" art that still exists without needing to use the Wayback Machine.

[creativinn]

Utah’s LGBTQ+ youth find connection with art exhibition ‘A Hug Away’

This story is jointly published by nonprofits and The Salt Lake Tribune, in collaboration with, to elevate diverse perspectives in local media through student journalism.

Zee Kilpack grew up in Willard, a small town in northern Utah, where they spent every Sunday in church, surrounded by family and community members.

In high school, Kilpack said they remembered having a crush on their same-sex best friend and not understanding why they felt that way. Worse, Kilpack didn’t feel like they could confront this feeling, after watching a fellow student come out as gay and suffer community backlash.

“Their family were treated unfairly, and unfortunately, the kid eventually committed suicide,” Kilpack said. “This experience showed me that I shouldn’t come out to my family.”

It wasn’t until they moved to Salt Lake City that Kilpack found the language and understanding to find a community in which they belonged. Once Kilpack met other young queer people like them, it was easier to open up and find their identity.

“My family was still in Willard … it’s such a closed community that I was worried that if I came out — even if I didn’t live at home anymore — that reputation would follow my family and they’d be excluded from the community there,” Kilpack said.

These experiences motivated Kilpack, along with other members of the LBGTQ+ community, to spread awareness about suicide prevention through art. Lilian Agar, a queer artist from Mexico, brought these voices together with an art exhibit called “A Hug Away.”

The exhibition ran in January at the Utah Museum of Contemporary Art in January, and ran May through July at Salt Lake Community College.

Agar’s art now can be seen on her website, LillyAgar.com. There, Agar also features behind-the-scenes photos, artist’s notes, LGBTQ+ suicide prevention resources, and a virtual, three-dimensional representation of the exhibit.

Agar said the exhibition is on display at the Huntsman Mental Health Institute, on the University of Utah campus, now through the end of October — though efforts to open it to the public are still in the works. Agar said she has joined the institute’s campaign to end the stigma about mental health.

(Agar also is producing a series of events in October to mark Domestic Violence Awareness Month. One of those involves a project, “New Perspective,” that she first displayed in Los Angeles in 2019.)

On her website, Agar described “A Hug Away” as “a tribute to life, focused on Suicide Awareness and more specifically, the LGBTQ+ youth in living in Utah.” The exhibit, Agar said, also serves as an important reminder to the community that love and kindness are necessary in a world filled with prejudice and hate.

“During the pandemic, we couldn’t be around our loved ones and [we] couldn’t touch them, and we were suddenly hyper aware of how much we wanted to hug our loved ones,” she said.

The exhibit included four paintings — accompanied by headphones for audio — and one mirror with copper tape, all of which provided a glimpse into the life story and growth of four LGBTQ+ community members. Each painting was connected to a motion sensor, to allow the listener to learn about the subject’s past, present and future.

(Matthew Parent) Students at Salt Lake Community College listen to the audio accompanying one of the portraits in artist Lilian Agar's exhibition "A Hug Away" at Salt Lake Community College's South City Campus. The exhibition ran over the summer at SLCC, and is at the Huntsman Mental Health Institute at the University of Utah through October 2022. (matthew_parent/)

Agar shared her personal story, about growing up in Mexico and moving in with her mother at 14 years old.

“[My mother] was very concerned that I was becoming ‘machona,’ which is a term in Mexico to say a female that is more manly,” Agar said. “She threw away my clothing and she was like, ‘Now you’re going to wear pink.’”

Agar said she wanted those who didn’t even know they were queer to hear stories about people like them and to not feel alone. That sentiment motivated Maddison Cam, who is trans-nonbinary, to become a part of the project.

“I knew that it was going to be in service to the queer community here in the valley,” Cam said. “So that’s what really got me. It was just knowing that anything I did was going to be in service to a greater purpose.”

Cam, a Salt Lake City performance artist, is no stranger to sharing stories through art. Their one-person puppetry drag and burlesque show, first performed at the Great Salt Lake Fringe Festival, shared a message about what Cam called the “ridiculous nature of gender.���

Cam said they believe visual messages can make a difference to the queer community. “I never regret coming out as nonbinary,” they said. “How can you regret your truth?”

Editor’s note • If you or people you know are at risk of self-harm, provides 24-hour support by dialing 988, or 1-800-273-8255.

Jonnathan Yi wrote this story as a journalism student at Salt Lake Community College. It is published as part of a collaborative including nonprofits and The Salt Lake Tribune.

This content was originally published here.

[suzuran777]

CHiRAL MOBiLE: False Alkanet and World's end Nightmare.

Recently I’ve been really interested in two Nitro+Chiral works many people might not be too familiar with, Itsuwari no Alkanet (False Alkanet) and World’s end Nightmare! They were released exclusively for CHiRAL MOBiLE, a subscription based app that could only be accessed by those who owned a Japanese cellphone. The app launched in 2010, but ended its service only two years later in 2012. Members paid a monthly fee of 300 yen to use the app, which gave them access to wallpapers, new illustrations and these two (visual) novels. 

Itsuwari no Alkanet

The first game Nitro+Chiral released on this app is Itsuwari no Alkanet, also known as ''False Alkanet''. The common route was released in June 2010 and every following month a new character's route was added to the game. The original opening movie of this game can still be found on Nico Nico. Itsuwari no Alkanet also got its own drama CD and the plot seems to be based on the events that happen in the novel.

Synopsis Kei Takatori stood in Marunouchi, Tokyo. Glittering buildings, paved roads, completely different than what he was used to. A father who suddenly re-appeared after a long absence, a talented brother, a free-spirited uncle, and a serious butler.

The story takes place in the Taisho period, during the political crisis which would become the end of Japan’s oligarchy, causing the rise of democracy. The Takatori family’s sucessor is the aspiring Pianist Yuto, whose skills keep improving along with his plans to study abroad. Everything looks favorable, but things are about to get complicated...

Characters (from left to right)

Kei Takatori The protagonist of this story. Yuto's half brother. Has one-sided romantic feelings for Yuto, which he doesn't know what to do about.

Yuto Takatori The half-brother of Kei Takatori. He wear glasses and looks very smart. An excellent pianist who wants to be taken seriously.

Sakae Tachibana The man who tricked the Takatori household chief so he could take over their business, yet somehow not a bad guy. Easy-going and elusive. His next target seems to be Kurae.

Kazuki Kurae Butler of the Takatori family. He takes care of the mansion and the two sons of the Takatori family. He cares a lot about them. Him and Tachibana are on bad terms.

All three characters mentioned above had their own routes. Unfortunately even after looking at several Japanese blogs for a couple of hours, I have not been able to find super many details about the story of every route. The drama CD is still available on multiple Japanese second-hand websites, so I might purchase it one day and listen to it. I also found some art the artist tweeted a long time ago, which you can see below!

World's end Nightmare In December 2010 Nitro+Chiral added another title to their CHiRAL MOBiLE library. A visual novel written by Toriko Nanashino and illustrated by Mimori Sinov. Serialization began in December and the series ended with a total of 30 episodes. The genre is noir fantasy and the story focuses on a man called ‘’It’’.

Synopsis ''A poor soul who doesn't know love. I will give you another chance.'' The protagonist wakes up in a strange world, guided by an unknown voice. A square blue sky, a thorny garden and a towering castle in a deep forest. A fairy tale-like world, clearly different from reality. He is aware that he died before coming here, however, he is unsure who brought him to this world after he died. People who are brought to this world are forced to participate in a compulsory game, in which everyone has to prove what true love is. If you lose this game, your soul will be turned into "furniture". A beautiful boy, a red shadow, a white shadow, and a masked man all participate in this game. 

Characters (from left to right)

It "...I'm not good at that kind of love, I don't understand the meaning." The main character of this game. He died and came to this world, also called "the end". In order to escape this place, he will have to challenge the Faceless. He can't seem to recall why he died and is not very interested in others. 

Faceless "I want you to prove true love " The god who created “the end”, also called the king and judge. He is the greatest being that exists in "the end". He forces It to participate in the game. Although he is a god, he has no dignity and sometimes gets ridiculed by other inhabitants. Cheerful and friendly, but also selfish. He is very unpredictable and emotional.

Siegfried "... The more time you spend here, the better you will understand each other." The oldest inhabitant of "the end". Characterized by a melancholic appearance. His motto is "If you spend time together, it will lead to love." Intelligent, rational and calm. His human emotions have vanished a long time ago, but he is still kind to others.

Ky "Generally, love doesn't have to be a romance'' Beautiful enough to often be mistaken for a girl, but he has a sharp tongue. He is not interested in romance and grew bored of this world because he has lived there for a very long time. Outspoken, confident and sometimes naughty. He pays attention to people he likes and easily speaks his mind.

Barron "If you do it, you might start feeling emotions right?"  A forceful woman-loving older man. One of the "players" of the game. "Love doesn't need time" is his motto. Although he looks the oldest, he is the newest inhabitant of “the end”. Rough, crude and forceful, but he always follows the rules.

Finding information about World’s end Nightmare was somehow even more difficult than Itsuwari no Alkanet, but it seems like it had 30 chapters and only one route. I also found some artwork the official artist drew to celebrate its first anniversary.

You might recognize the art of both of these games if you purchased the third volume of the Nitro+Chiral 10 Years Archive, which was released in 2016. It also features some illustrations of the other Nitro+Chiral games which used to be content only members of the app could see.

I was personally not able to play any of these games because I unfortunately didn't own a Japanese phone in 2010-2012, but there are still some Japanese blogs which talk about these games. You can still find older information about them in BL game magazine Cool-B as well, so luckily not all information about these games has been lost forever.

Some of the Japanese sources I used can be found here: Ｘ　Ｘ　Ｘ

[lunabonita]

My Webtoon Recommendations

These are webtoons that are all 10/10 for me. Of course it doesn’t have to be a 10/10 for you, so just a reminder, do not attack me for liking a webtoon that you do not. These are my opinions and we are not going to have the exact same taste. Please be respectful.

Your Throne

Genre: Fantasy

Chapters: 75

Status: Ongoing

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“Tensions are brewing under the seemingly calm surface of the Vasilios Empire, a kingdom ruled by the Imperial Family and the Temple. Lady Medea Solon has lost her place next to Crown Prince Eros, but resolves to win back whats rightfully hers. Will she reclaim her throne?”

You know whats amazing about this webtoon? The summary leads you to think that what shes winning back is the prince. Wrong. Shes trying to win back the throne. I love how this webtoon doesn’t try to make it a girl focusing her goals on a man, but on power. Medea is such a strong and well written character that you can’t help but love her.

The second protagonist Pschye, who of which is the person who took Medeas place as Crown Princess, is the complete opposite of Medea. At the beginning you hate her, but as the webtoon goes on and Medea and her get a better understanding of eachother due to them switching bodies as a wish from God, you begin to root for them as they team up to take over the throne from the Crown Prince.

The art is so beautiful and I constantly found myself at awe from the amount of detail put into it.

-

The Makeup Remover

Genre: Romace

Chapters: 78

Status: Ongoing

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“After years of being told to focus on studying, Yeseul feels lost when she starts college and is suddenly expected to pay attention to makeup. When a chance encounter with brilliant makeup artist Yuseong leads to her taking part in a televised makeup competition, Yeseul begins to question the role that makeup and appearance play in society.”

This was created by one of my favorite webtoon creators Lee Yone. Their art is just so amazing and their stories always include such good topics.

For instance, The Makeup Remover’s theme is loving yourself for who you are. It shows how people treat you based on your looks and as someone whos struggled with that kind of thing for a while, this webtoon really touched me. The main character Yeseul is such a relatable character, even when trying to reject beauty standards, she still came subject to the pressures of living up to the people around her. She struggles with trying to love her own appearance and I really like that this webtoon didn’t try to be like, ‘fuck the beauty standard im better than that screw pretty people!!!’ it actually showed realistically how people struggle with self-image. I also love the main love interest because oh my god, we need more men like him please. He doesn’t care about Yeseul’s appearance and genuinely loves her for her personality.

Also, art is amazing. The author is so talented and you should support them by reading and liking the chapters.

-

Surviving Romance

Genre: Horror

Chapters: 14

Status: Ongoing

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“When Chaerin Eun becomes the protagonist of the romance novel she is reading, she expects a fairytale ending with the novel’s love interest, Jeha. But when a bizarre twist makes her realize the story is not playing out as it does in the book, she’ll need the help of an unlikely character from her class to defy the new storyline and find her happy ending - if only she can figure out who this ‘Unknown Extra’ is first!”

Hands down one of my favorite webtoons by a long shot. You ever see a webtoon and think, ‘oh yeah, thats going to be a good webtoon’? Thats how this webtoon was for me. It was so good that I spent hours searching for other chapters that hadn’t been uploaded to webtoon yet on other manhua websites. I discovered it because it was also by the author of ‘The Makeup Remover’.

If there is one thing you need to know about me, its that I am a huge horror fan. So when I saw that my favorite author on webtoon had a horror themed webtoon out? You bet your behind that I binged it. Let me tell you, best choice ever.

Think of it as if ‘Ino’s Law’ and ‘Quarantine’ were combined with amazing art and a badass MC.

The Remarried Empress

I love how it is set up to the point where she cannot ‘quit’ until she completes the novel. Creating scenarios where she must survive while meeting the standards in the book. It is such an amazingly written webtoon and I cannot wait for more chapters to be released.

-

Genre: Fantasy

Chapters: 82

Status: Ongoing

-

“Navier Ellie Trovi was an empress perfect in every way - intelligent, courageous, and socially adept. She was kind to her subjects and devoted to her husband. Navier was perfectly content to live the rest of her days as the wise empress of the Eastern Empire. That is, until her husband brought hone a mistress and demanded a divorce. ‘I accept this divorce… And i request an approval of my remarriage.’ In a shoking twist Navier remaarries another emperor and retains her title and childhood dream as empress. But just how did everything unfold? “

Am I in love with Navier? Yes.

I absolutely adore how this story was set up. The first chapter begins with the big divorce scene, followed by Navier saying that she was going to be remarrying someone else since he wants to divorce her. This sets up a picture that gets completely shattered as you read the chapters. How everything falls into place with the reason behind the divorce and the remarriage is just so well written. The art is so good and and everything is just so insanely well done.

I absolutely love Naviers character, from her regalness and devoted loyalty to her role as empress, all the way to her petty moments and times of sadness. She is truly a character that you want the best for, and I cannot image anyone not liking her. Also the story is just so capable of making you feel emotions. I’ve laughed, cried, and got angry during the course of reading this webtoon. I love how betrayed I felt when the emperor brought home his mistress. It felt like I was in Navier’s shoes!

This is such a well done webtoon and I'm so excited for Navier to get all of the good things she deserves in her new Kingdom and with her new husband.

-

Witch Creek Road

Genre: Horror

Chapters: 74

Status: Ongoing

-

“A survival horror about love, acceptance, death, and revenge. And sexy flesh-eating demons. Yeah, it has those, too.”

This series seriously mind fucked me. The way that this story is set up, you don’t see the full picture until the later chapters. Season two literally blew my mind. It is also very gorey so keep that in mind if you don’t like that kind of stuff, but for me that makes it all the better. It is just so wild and crass that you can feel your heart pumping in anticipation.

They even have their own website that goes further into the lore because it’s just so wild. Also the art style is just so amazing, because it complements the story and horror theme so much. You hate most of the characters because they suck, and it is so satisfying when they are killed. Also it has it’s sad moments but I think it is a nice break from the horror so it isn’t so overwhelmingly scary.

I binged this series and I recommend reading only a few chapters a day so you don’t overload your brain.

Other then that, an amazing webtoon. Seriously, go read it, support the author, so much work goes into the story and art that it’s insane.

-

Dating With A Tail

Genre: Romance

Chapters: 36

Status: Ongoing

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“On the dawn of her 29th birthday, unlucky-in-love Yunha discovers a shocking family secret: she’s started growing a fox tail, the mark of an ancestral curse. She must find her fated love before her 30th birthday or she is destined to become a fox forever! Even with her new-found enchanting power to attract men using her scent, will one year be enough to break the curse before it’s too late?”

Oh my gosh this is just such a good webtoon. It has amazing art, story telling, and characters. The true love interest was there the whole time, the villain isn’t who you’d expect it to be, and the spirit who cursed her is just! Im not going to spoil it but go read this webtoon!! It is so good and deserves more love.

Also Yunha is just so relatable?? Like she put off finding the woodcutter (her fated love) for 29 years and waited last minute to find him. Homegirl is me trying to do a project for school. Also to get rid of the scent that makes men attracted to her, she just starts eating a ton of garlic and that is just so funny to me.

Also I would go to church for the priest anytime if you know what i mean ;)

-

Omniscient Reader

Genre: Action

Chapters: 53

Status: Ongoing

-

“Dokja was an average office worker whose sole interest was reading his favorite web novel ‘Three Ways to Survive the Apocalypse.’ But when the novel suddenly becomes reality, he is the only person who knows how the world will end. Armed with this realization, Dokja uses his understanding to change the course of the story, and the world, as he knows it.”

I cannot get over how high quality this story is. The world building is phenomenal, the art is fantastic, and the characters are very fleshed out. This deserved all the hype it has gotten so far and more.

I love the ‘mc thrown into a different reality’ trope so much. Just like with surviving romance, Dokja’s world became the story he was reading. Also a very cool aspect of the story is the level up and the fact that its like a game. Earth has turned into this show for god like creatures to watch and it follows Dokja trying to survive. I also really like that TWSA has a protagonist, but Omniscient Reader’s protagonist is not the protagonist that was in TWSA. There is just so much lore and I’ll say it again, the world building is just phenomenal.

The Ddokkaebi’s and Dokja’s interactions are also just some of my favorite moments from the story so far. And oh my goodness I would die for Lee Gilyoung. Thats it, thats the tweet. That little boy could probably kill me with his giant praying mantis and I would let him if it would make him happy.

-

Not So Shoujo Love Story

Genre: Comedy

Chapters: 45

Status: Ongoing

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“Romance super-fan Rei Chan is ready for her first boyfriend and she knows just who it’ll be: the most handsome boy in school, Hansum Ochinchin. But her plans for the perfect story are derailed when the most popular girl in class declares herself a rival… for Rei’s heart?! This is the year her not so shoujo love story begins!”

This is just such a cute webtoon. The style is very appealing and while the humor can be childish and weird sometimes, it still has made me laugh a lot. I know the humors not for everyone but just keep in mind that it does get better as the story progresses and gets more serious.

Also its a gl! I’m really unable to find good gls these days that don’t fetishize wlw relationships. Rei being painted as a mean trouble maker whos just misunderstood and Hana being the ‘perfect girl’ who only wants Rei’s attention is such a cute dynamic. They balance each other out and better each other. Also stan Rei for constantly sticking up for Hana even if she doesn’t necessarily like her in the beginning, she has very good morals and sticks to them.

Also the defying stereotypes in this webtoon? Just god-tier. Really makes you think twice when you judge someone just on first impressions alone.

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Odd Girl Out

Genre: Drama

Chapters: 264

Status: Ongoing

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“After a successful winter break makeover, Nari is finally ready for her high school debut. But somehow, she ends up friends with the three prettiest girls in school! Follow Nari as she tries to navigate her brand new high school life surrounded by beauties.”

This story has made me cry multiple times. A lot, even. It is just such a beautiful tale of friendship and finding support in people who are unlike those around theme. It also tells a great story about how anybody can be the ‘odd girl out’. Be it the fat girl, the beautiful girl, the rich girl, or the laid back girl.

It goes so deep into its characters that you even feel bad for the minor antagonists. It really makes you feel for the characters and the reasons behind their actions. Also I know its long, believe me I binged all 260 chapters in the span of three days, but oh my god it is worth it. Also I know the art is kind of off-putting, in fact that’s kind of why I put off reading the story, but I’ve honestly grown to love it and the writing is so good that the art could be literal stick figures and it wouldn’t matter.

The story is amazing and also I just love Nari. She’s just the best.

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Gremoryland

Genre: Horror

Chapters: 67

Status: Completed

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“Six old school friends are invited to be the first visitors of GremoryLand, a new horror theme park that promises an experience as unique as it is spooky. But once this experience starts there is no turning back, and they find themselves tested beyond what they imagines, facing their most desperate fears in order to survive.”

This is definitely one of those stories were you kind of need to turn of your brain and choose to ignore ‘plot holes’ while reading the early chapters because this story definitely gets crazy if you don’t know the ending. Believe me if you stick with it it will all make sense and the satisfaction you get from finding the ending is just so worth it.

The story is so good, and who Gremory is you would literally never suspect. When it was revealed who Gremory was and how he was able to create Gremoryland is so fucking mind boggling that you would never guess. I had to do a double take. It wasn’t like one of those random characters with a vendetta type of twists, but like one you can pick out from clues throughout the story.

Its so good and twisted and just so worth at least giving it a chance.

-

These were some of my favorite webtoons on the app! Of course it’s not all of them because unfortunately there is a 10 image limit. I also made this because I’ve run out of new webtoons to read and would love if you guys commented some of your own recs. I can also do a part two with other ones I liked if y’all want more recommendations. You guys can even request specific categories like Drama or Sci-Fi and I can tell you my favorite ones from that genre.

Also a reminder - if you disagree with any of my praise of these webtoons be respectful about it. At the end of the day it’s my opinion and you don’t need to be rude when disagreeing with that opinion.

[hopetofantasy]

Translated interview with Willem De Schryver

Also on my website: Behind wtFOCK - link in comments

The young stars of Streamz series 'Déjà-vu': 'You learn more on the internet than at school'

‘Déjà-vu’ is the name of the latest Flemish fiction series that’s rolling off the production line of ‘Streamz’. In addition to the traditional list of actors' names, Xenia Borremans (21) and Willem De Schryver (19) are featured as fresh blood in the credits. Two newcomers who shamelessly rival the established values.

Calling Willem De Schryver a newcomer is really failing the truth. He has more than 50,000 followers on Instagram and cannot cross the Ghent Korenmarkt without posing for a selfie. It’s the fault of ‘wtFOCK’, a youth series that mainly takes place online and is extremely popular with all those who saw the light of day after 2000. The chance that you’ve seen Xenia Borremans in action, is much smaller. Her only claim to fame for time being, is the horror short ‘De vijver’. And ofcourse, there’s her family name. Xenia is the only daughter of artist Michaël Borremans, but really wants to make a name for herself now.

How did you get into acting? Borremans: “Ever since I was a child, I wanted to act. There are piles of videos at home in which I try to recreate scenes from old films like ‘Some Like it Hot’. I also acted for ten years at ‘Kopergietery’ (children's theater company in Ghent). Acting was a dream, but I didn't dare to hope for that too much. There was always that little voice in the back of my mind that said, "You don’t only need talent but a lot of luck to make it." That was evident when I started to participate in castings. I often cried when I didn’t get a role.

I didn't dare to hope too much for ‘Déjà-vu’ either. Actually, I had no intention of auditioning at all. For fear of being rejected again. In the end, it’s my mom who pushed me to try. When they called me to say I had the part, it came as a complete surprise.”

De Schryver: “I can recognize myself in that story. I too was always performing plays at home. I did ‘Diction’ on Wednesday afternoons, but that wasn’t more than a hobby. When I no longer felt at home at school in secondary school, I took the step to go to the ‘Lemmensinstuut’ in Leuven. That was a revelation. Suddenly, I was allowed to be involved in theater day in, day out. I was happy to get up in the morning, when before, I often came home crying because I really didn't want to go to school anymore. It was obvious that after secondary school I would take the step to theater education at the ‘KASK’.” Borremans: “I also took the entrance exam at the ‘KASK’, but I wasn’t admitted. Maybe I'll try again next year. But maybe not. I’m not convinced that such an education is necessary. There are plenty of examples of actors and actresses who also made it without a diploma.” De Schryver: “In the classes I’m taking now, there isn’t only attention for acting, but also for making plays. I get building blocks to get started in the future. But, just like Xenia, I’m convinced that it can also be done without it.”

In ‘Déjà-vu’ you play the ideal son and the rebellious adolescent daughter, respectively. How deep did you have to dig for that role? De Schryver: “The role of Max is pretty close to my own personality, so that wasn’t too bad. I only had to practice playing hockey. (laughs) Although as far as I’m concerned, a role does not necessarily have to be written for me. For example, in ‘wtFOCK’ I play a bipolar, gay boy. That’s difficult and I had to do a lot of research for it. But when - like recently - you’re approached on the street by a boy who tells me that through my role he had learned to live with his own bipolarity, then the satisfaction is all the greater. ” Borremans: “I recognized myself super hard in Louise's character. I have done quite a lot of rebellion in my puberty years and just like Louise - who has a mother who makes a living as a radio host - I can be bothered too by the fact that one of my parents is famous.”

In what sense? Borremans: “I’m very proud of my dad, that's not the point. We have a very good relationship. He's my best friend. For real. But my family name isn’t always a gift. Many times in the past people have tried to contact me with the sole intention of getting closer to him. Even people I thought were friends, turned out to be solely interested in me because they were fans of my father's work. I also noticed that some teachers marked my grades more strictly just because I was ‘the daughter of’.” Did that influence you to choose acting and not, for example, drawing? Borremans: “I did drawing. In ‘Sint-Lucas’, just like my father. He did push me a bit in that direction. But I stopped when all the lessons suddenly had to be online due to corona. Dad thinks it's important to get a diploma. I attach less importance to that. I prefer to figure things out on my own. If you have the discipline to do self-study, then that’s in my opinion as valuable as any education. I’ve already learned a lot more on the internet than in school. My mom is part of that story, daddy still has some work to do in that aspect.”

You both had a supporting role on the set of ‘Déjà-vu’. How much pressure did it cause? De Schryver: “I did lie awake at night. Although it had a lot to do with the beginning of the shooting period, when I overslept. I cried when I arrived on the set. Such a gigantic production and it gets delayed, because a rookie like me, is late. In the end we hardly lost any time, but the nights after, I was wide awake in my bed waiting for the alarm to go off.” Borremans: “Willem arrived on the set, crying, but was professional enough to put himself in the shoes of Max a few minutes later. Pretty impressive.” De Schryver: “There really was no time to lose. The makeup artist just had about enough time to get rid of my red eyes, but that was it.” Borremans: “I’ve experienced something similar. During the shooting period, I met with a friend who turned out to have corona. Panic, of course. In the end, the shooting stopped for a week as a precaution. There were some tears then. You have a first major role and then something like that happens. Fortunately, it was handled very well on the set. Everyone came to tell me that it could’ve happened to them too.”

The corona crisis has been defining our lives for over a year now. How do you deal with this? De Schryver: “The first weeks, I didn't mind the lockdown. It gave me a chance to catch my breath. By the way, I still don't miss going out that much. Although that also has to do with ‘wtFOCK’. That show has a very fanatic fan base. And you notice. In any case, going out to a bar with friends was no longer possible without being approached or posing for selfies. When people have been drinking, a number of inhibitions also disappear. As soon as they recognize you, they’ll immediately hang onto you. It made me prefer to stay in the room even before the lockdown.” Borremans: “I’m now 21 years old. This may sound strange, but I’m kinda done with nightlife. Of course, I also want to be able to go out again and see people, but I notice that it’s more difficult for those who are younger. I get bored sometimes. But that also has its positive sides. It makes you do creative things. For example, I started to design and make clothes. Without the lockdown, that would’ve never occurred to me. I never read books either, now I do. Although, I would like for it to gradually return to normal. " De Schryver: “I mainly suffer from touch starvation. Actually hug people. I really miss that. But just like Xenia, I also think this is an interesting period. It makes you think. About yourself, about where you want to go in life.”

The Covid crisis also makes painfully clear how vulnerable creative professions are. Did that change your plans for the future? Borremans: “I was already looking for a plan B before this whole situation. Acting is and remains the big dream. But there are no guarantees. I’ll continue to go for it anyway, but I realize that I cannot assume that I’ll succeed in making acting my livelihood.” De Schryver: “We shouldn't be shy about that: the acting world is a tough world with a lot of competition. It’ll not be easy to make it and I know that there are still difficult moments to come. But I do not intend to suddenly follow other classes just to have something as a back-up. The corona crisis has made me realize even more how important acting is to me. I could never completely push it aside. This’s what I was made for. I just feel that.” Déjà-vu can be seen on Streamz. The series will be released on Play4 later this year.

[little-red-toyota]

Final good bye to the fandom

TW//Trauma, triggers, nsfw, sexual themes, rape, domestic abuse e.g.

This is gonna be a long ass post…

It has taken me a while to get emotionally strong enough to do this, as I will have to think back at some traumatic events from my past to address some of these things. That's why I waited until I got home from vacation with my family, as it will seriously affect my mood and mental health, and I want to be near my doctor and therapist, just in case.

And also, I know that the majority of those reading this will invalidate me and tell me I am making things up to clear my name. So, I literally have to torment myself to write a blog post people will just brush off as bogus anyway. But I will do it now that I am in safe surroundings. Then it will be off my chest, and I can finally move on. If people will continue stirring up the past, it will be their problem, not mine.

I think I should write one last blog post where I address everything. I have left the TTTE-fandom, but I will write that one as my final goodbye to the fandom. I just have to find out everything I've been accused of so I can properly address them all in order. I might leave out details of my life that is too hard for me to open up about. I know most of you will just invalidate me anyway.

1. The Stepney fic and glorifying rape.

2. My mafia-AU.

3. The Darin incident.

4. Being a pedophile. (Where do they get this from anyway??)

5. Running the NSFW-blog.

6. Drawing penises/boobs on trains. Drawing age-regression art.

Is there more?

Ah... yes! Faking my own suicide, of course!

7. "Faking" being suicidal.

8. Having the audacity to survive and go on living.

9. "Making up" my past trauma to justify writing fics to cope with it.

10. Being a nazi for being interested in WW2 history and for being Norwegian and having so-called nazi-letters in my last name (actual letters of the Norwegian alphabet).

11. Putting a white-supremacist flag (the actual flag of Norway) on my porch on family birthdays and our national day.

12. Being a danger to my daughter.

Anything else that needs to be addressed? What else am I being accused of? Send me a dm and I will add it to the post.

 Okay, I will bump the Stepney fic down a bit as it is the most traumatic thing for me to address, I will save that one for last.

2 and 3. The dark au/mafia au where I gave some TTTE characters some rather dark and unpleasant character traits, and the whole incident with Darin and the pedo-Salty was addressed in this blog post written by my husband last year, so I am not opening that can of worms again: https://little-red-toyota.tumblr.com/post/623743183795470336/in-light-of-recent-events

Even the thing about Toby cheating on Henrietta is addressed there.

As for the au, I never fully explored it as I started losing interest in TTTE around the same time. I found other things to enjoy and TTTE faded into the background and the au was dropped before I even wrote any stories, apart from the one about Toby and Henrietta.

Some people claim, like this lovely individual, that most of the characters were rapists and pedos. No, not most. Only one of each. And I did not write more than one story about rape and suicide. Where does this person even get that from? Someone who told someone who had heard from someone who might have heard….?

Don't spread rumors unless you are sure that they are true.

Anyway, it's all addressed in that blog post in that link. I don't see how this mafia au is any worse than other dark post-apocalyptic or violent aus. It mostly was about the diesel mafia and their illegal businesses, not about sex, even if it did occur now and then. I find the substance abuse in it to be more problematic tbh…  

 4. Being a pedophile.

I don't even know how to defend myself against this one, as I don't even know why people think I am pedophile. They only throw the accusation out with no backing evidence, so I have no idea where it comes from or what it is that makes people think I am one.

Apart from one claim that I had faved "porn" alongside "strangers'" baby photos on DA. I addressed that earlier though. As DeviantArt doesn't sort what you click "like" on, it all ends up in the same folder unless you actively go through it and sort it into categories, which I don't bother most of the time. It also doesn't say WHEN it was added to your faves. So, I can have faved an artistic nude on Saturday, and then faved my friend's family photo on Thursday. It's not like I actively search for porn, get all steamed up and then look at pictures of children. WTF.

The few children I have faved are not from complete strangers, but long-term friends of mine. Yes, it is possible to have friends on the same website. I have actually met a lot of my RL friends through DeviantArt. I posted photos of my daughter when she was a baby, they would fave it and congratulate me. So, I did the same when they had a baby. As simple as that. Nothing weird or perverted about it. Due to people doxxing me last year however, I deleted the photos of me, my husband and my daughter from DeviantArt, so it's no longer there.

Porn isn't allowed on DeviantArt anyway. The nudes there are so-called artistic nudes, and for the most part I use them as pose-references when I draw as it is easier to draw a pose using a nude base and then dress them up once you got the pose right.

"The very naked" centaurs I have faved. Well, I like the mythological creature Centaur. And as far as I know… they do not wear clothes, so how are they NOT nude? Look it up, it's a horse body with a human torso instead of horse head. I don't see them as sexual, but what do I know? Maybe YOU do?

I have no sexual interest in children whatsoever.

 5. Running the NSFW-blog on Tumblr and Twitter.

Yes. I was one of six people modding that blog. ONE of six, so I refuse to take the full blame here.

MerciResolution has openly admitted to being the founder, and she recruited me and some others to modify as the confession load became too heavy for one person to handle alone.

The original blog on Tumblr worked as follows: People would anonymously send a confession to our askbox, we would add a picture (sometimes photoshopped) to the text and post it on the blog. Always tagged as NSFW and with proper trigger warnings if necessary! The blog itself was also marked as explicit, so it didn't appear in searches and such.

For us, this blog was nothing but a joke. We did it for shits and giggles. If anyone took it seriously and thought we got off to the stuff that was posted, we apologize for that, but to us it was just for laughs. And we DID laugh a lot, you guys should have seen the weird shit people sent us sometimes!

We had fun and we never thought anyone would take it seriously, so we never thought of writing "joke" in the description or anything. It never occurred to us that it could be anything but a joke.

We also made a Twitter account for it, also locked for minors. But it was quickly hacked, and someone changed the password so we could no longer access it. We made another account and forgot about the old one…

After a while, the original mods started losing interest and the blog (both on Tumblr and Twitter) became less active. That's when a person I had known for years, and wrongfully trusted, came forward and wanted to take over ownership. So, the ownership was handed over to Russalita/Charlie.

That turned out to be huge mistake!

Me and the other mods had more or less forgotten that the blogs existed, when suddenly someone started bashing me and getting up in my arms over it. I got seriously confused as I hadn't been active on it in almost a year. But as it turned out, Russalita had removed the mature filters and made the accounts open for all the see. Even minors.

And as people knew I was one of the mods, they fired their guns at me. I can see why though, so I'm not pointing any fingers here.

I tried contacting her by phone, asking her to lock the accounts again, but she gave me a less than polite response, hung up and then blocked my number…

So, I decided to try to shut the blogs down on my own, trying the old passwords. It worked on the Tumblr-account, and I managed to password protect it, for some reason it couldn't be fully deleted. But the Twitter account had gotten its password changed by Russalita. I was however able to get a new password by logging into the e-mail we had used to create it. I deleted the Twitter blog fully. It can't be re-activated even if we wanted to. It's gone.

But it turns out the old, hacked one is still up and now open for everyone. And this one poses a huge problem as we have no way of getting into it to delete it. Only thing we have been able to do so far is reporting it and hope it will be removed by Twitter. So I only have one thing to say about it: report it.

I am no longer running any NSFW TTTE blog anywhere, nor do I have interest in doing so. So, if you come across one, claiming to be me or any of the other mods, it is false.

 6. Drawing penises/boobs on trains. Drawing age-regression art.

People seem to believe I have drawn genitals on trains. I have never done such. Any art on the NSFW-blog with genitalia on the trains were sent in by confessors and was not drawn by me. Most of them seems to have been drawn by someone who goes by the name "The Lance".

I HAVE drawn things for the NSFW blog, but there were no genitalia in those drawings. I drew Frank of Arlesdale looking grossed out by (I don't know what the part is named in English, but it is connected to the brakes of the engine) that stick-like thing on his bufferbeam being wet from whatever the confessor did to him. I drew an over-exaggerated comical pic of a horrified Peter Sam getting his face licked by his driver, who had an enormous tongue. I also did a couple of manips. Mostly maniping engine faces on humans, like the one where Gordon's face is on a less than fit guy flailing his shirt around, and the Arlesdale smallies' faces on a movie poster from Magic Mike. One with Mr.Conductor in a giant bun while Pinchy is applying ketchup on him, for a confession about eating him, I think?  I've done some more, but I forgot what it was, I only know I loved making them comical rather than erotic, as I saw the blog as a joke overall.

I HAVE also drawn aheago faces on engines because it looks hilarious. Though I have only drawn them on my OCs and the NRS engines, not TTTE characters.

Point is I have never drawn genitalia on trains. Ever. And I likely never will. It's not THAT much fun drawing NSFW stuff.

I see from this screenshot that a certain MK-Instrumentalist claim that all my personal art is age-regression art and infantilism…

Whose art have you been looking at? Because it's definitely not mine. I have drawn a couple of baby/chibi diesels… But claiming that all of my 700 or so artworks are depicting infantilism and age-regression stuff? I suggest people go have a look for themselves. I haven't drawn that. That MK-guy has been desperately trying to cancel me for ages for reasons only himself know. I don't even know the guy, and he doesn't know me, yet he wants to see me beheaded. Go figure.

I was for a long time bothered by some age-regressor on Tumblr who just wouldn't leave me alone with their weird asks, who tried to force themselves on me and some other artists here. They claim age-regression isn't a fetish, but the shit they sent to my askbox certainly looked like a fetish to me.

I don't want anything to do with that stuff. It weirds me out.

And no. I have never drawn pedophilia or rape art either. This guy can't even make up his mind on which one to accuse me of.

 7 and 8. Faking suicide and having the audacity to survive and go on living.

As many know, after the intense shitstorm against me last summer, thanks to Darin, I attempted suicide. I didn't succeed as my husband came home early. I was gone for a few days but returned when a young boy reached out to me for help as he was being groomed and didn't know who else to turn to.

Recently I saw a screenshot where someone claimed me to have faked suicide, and that I just came back after a few days when everything had died down.

Wow.

I am truly sorry I survived.

I don't remember much from those days to be honest, but as the load became too heavy and the bullying too intense, piling up on 30 years of old trauma… I decided to end it. I must warn you guys who might get triggered now; there are detailed descriptions of a suicide attempt. Proceed with caution. People told me I was a bad mother among other things, having had those same thoughts myself (according to my husband, I am a good mom) and people just confirming them, I thought that my daughter would be better off growing up without me. I could have chosen a more effective suicide method, but I was afraid my daughter would be the first to find me, so I wanted it to be clean and look like I was just sleeping. That way it could be explained as natural causes.

So, I decided to overdose on pills. I downed all pills I could find in the house that had a warning triangle on it (strong pain meds etc.) and then went to my computer to delete my online existence, especially the personal data.

As a former paramedic, I should have known better. Because after half an hour, my body started reacting. But not the way I had hoped and wanted. I started retching and almost vomiting. That's when my husband came home from work and found me. He immediately saw the empty packages and knowing my past suicidal tendencies, he reacted instinctively. He put his fingers down my throat and had me puke everything up, then he called an ambulance and had me admitted to the hospital.

I don't remember anything from the days I spent there. But I have been told they emptied my stomach and gave me lots of fluids. I was then assigned a psychiatrist which I am still seeing today.

I was gone for those days because I was in hospital, not because I was pulling some kind of trick and pretending to have ended myself.

So… I am sorry I "faked" my suicide.

I'm sorry my husband saved me. I am sorry the medics and doctors succeeded in saving my life.

I am sorry I survived and proceeded to live on. If I ever make another attempt, I promise to do better.

Why are you guys so persistent in trying to push people to suicide anyway? Do you get a kick out of it? Why do people have to be pushed to that point before you care?

What did we tell our daughter? Simply that I got sick and had to go to the hospital. She took that well.

I've seen a lot of people wonder why I am still around. Why shouldn't I? Does my daughter deserve to lose her mother over some online crap she doesn't even know about? I owe her to live and watch her grow up, to help her with her homework and whatever else a parent needs to do. I also owe my husband to stay by his side, like I promised him the day we got married. Even if I do not wish to live.

I'm sorry I survived, guys. Really, I am.

 9. "Making up" my past trauma to justify writing fics to cope with it. And 1. The Stepney fic and glorifying rape.

 First… why would anyone make up trauma? It's not like it's a competition to have the worst life, is it?

Sadly, I don't have to make up anything. My life HAS been rocky up until the birth of my daughter. I have been through so much trauma I couldn't even fathom it myself before my therapist listed it all up to me. Until then, I had just been casually talking to her about it, like I would talk about the weather. I didn't cry or get in touch with my emotions even once while telling everything, because I was taught from an early age to never complain, to suck it up and go on. So, no matter what people did to me, I would just smile and go on, even if it killed me inside. I did not want to show any sign of weakness, because then they would attack me. A habit I developed through years of being bullied in school. Never show feelings, just pretend nothing could hurt you, then they would eventually grow tired of it and stop.

Except they never did. They kept going through all my years at school. To such an extent, my boyfriend didn't dare to show himself hanging out with me out of fear of being bullied himself… And as we grew older, he would start cheating on me too. And I kept smiling…

My next boyfriend was a bit older than me, and while that didn't bother me, as we were both well over legal age, it bothered him. We only lasted one year before he bailed out and ditched me out of the blue via an sms.

The next guy… was the one who scarred me for life. Both physically and mentally. A charmer at first of course, until I was trapped. He was unemployed, so he moved in with me, and I paid for everything from food to phone bills. All while he was dating several women behind my back, calling various pay-phone services and in general acted like a manwhore. As I worked as an electrician (also being subject to massive bullying and sexual harassment at work), he would be jealous of all my co-workers and if I ever came home late or worked overtime, he accused me of cheating and was extremely violent about it. He would also isolate me from my friends and family, making me think I couldn't get any other than him. If any of my male friends (almost all my friends are male…) came over, he would give me such hell afterwards, it was easier just to tell them it was a bad time to visit. And after a while, they stopped asking. This guy also demanded sex. Every single day. If I refused, he would punish me, mostly by flogging me with lampcords, belts or whatever else he had at hand. My back is a criss cross map of old, faded scars even now nearly 20 years later. I would have shown you a photo, but I am so self-concious about my body after all the bullying, I hardly even show my face in photos. Maybe one day… but I certainly need more therapy before being able to show naked skin to strangers, even if it's just my back. So I had non-consensual sex with him more often than consensual. It has taken me hours in therapy to even take the word in my mouth and call it by its proper name: rape. I was raped, almost every single day for little over a year, before I found the strength to break out of the relationship and finally throw him out of my house. It all ended when I found some revealing texts on his cellphone, which he was extremely protective of… Texts that revealed that he had engaged in a relationship with a 12 year old girl, and it had been going on for a while. Not only was he cheating on me, but he was a pedophile too. Needless to say, I didn't even let him pack his stuff before I fetched my shotgun and chased him out of the house. I don't know where I got the courage and strength from… but I was furious.

I thought I had gotten rid of him, but no. He started stalking me in public. Hiding behind shelves when I was shopping, his car following mine everywhere I went. I received weird letters in the mail with cut-out letters from newspapers, glued together. On top of all, his creepy, old uncle called me with some rather disgusting suggestions and tried to come on to me really hard. I had to change my phone number, and after coming home to my house and finding out someone had entered my home using a key, only to empty the drawer of my night table, I also had to change the locks of my doors as he had clearly copied the key.

He didn't stop until I got the police involved.

So, when I finally met the guy who would become my husband (or rather, we found out we were made for each other, we had known each other since we were 11 years old), I had major trust issues towards men especially and it took him endless patience and love to break me out of that shell.

But the trauma doesn't stop… or start there.

In the year 2000, on January 4th, I would experience something that made me unable to even look at a train for over 10 years. The Åsta accident (google it). I was a volunteer in the Norwegian Red Cross then, and a paramedic in training. Back then, you were allowed to start training the year you would turn 16. So, I was still 15 when I witnessed the most traumatic event of my life. The day started out calm, we were stocking up the ambulance after delivering a patient to the hospital when we got a call with the code "500", which means "catastrophe". Normally when we get that code it is a rehearsal… so we drove towards the coordinates with the thoughts that this was just an exercise, nothing real… we didn't prepare ourselves mentally… And we ended up in the closest thing to hell I have ever been… The sight of the burning trains, the smells, the sounds, the screaming… I still wake up by nightmares to this day. Though the moment that haunts me the most is when the screaming stopped… because we all knew why… I don't want to go into details, but 19 people died that day. But we also saved 67 people. I try to hold on to that thought. The age limit for starting paramedic training was raised after this, as I wasn't the only one who was too young for an accident of that scale. Today it is 18. A memorial stone has been placed on the site, but I still haven't been able to bring myself to visit it, even if we drive past the site every year on our way to visit family further north in the country. I needed hours of therapy to even be able to ride a train after this. To have gotten to the point where I now volunteer at a heritage railway and is in training to become a driver, is a HUGE step for me. My next goal is to visit the site of the accident.

On to next trauma… A previous employer, a rather large electric company in Norway, whom I worked for 8 years. The first five years were great, we were a close-knit bunch of electricians, and we had a great relationship with the bosses and higher-ups. Our labor union was strong.

It all started changing in 2009 when we got new leaders… and those decided to get rid of everyone who were a member of the union. One by one, they started harassing workers in various ways, trying to get them to quit. In Norway, they need a legal reason to fire you, it's not enough to not like someone. There has to be a good reason to fire someone e.g. theft, neglecting work… Since they didn't have any reasons to fire us, they started making our work lives gradually harder and harder until we would break and find another job. Sadly, one of my co-workers couldn't stand the pressure… He bid us all farewell as normal one Friday and hung himself the following day.. But as I was a girl in a male-dominated profession, I had been taught at an early stage to ignore anything that would hurt me emotionally, just arch my neck and plow through. I kept doing that, despite starting to feel more and more mental and physical pains… even my co-workers pointed out how I was being mistreated before I acknowledged it myself. I tried to tell my boss, but he reacted by treating me worse. So, I went to his boss… and that's when things went to hell. Instead of doing his job and listen, he started harassing me too. He deemed my over-weight a problem, and he started demanding I gave him detailed lists of what I ate and how much I worked out… Completely illegal of course, but by this point I was broken down to the point I thought I was useless and couldn't get another job… so I accepted. He started accusing me of lying about my exercise, so I started training at the gym in the basement at work instead. One day, while I was there, he locked the doors and turned the lights off. There were no windows, no cellphone reception and hardly anyone walking by in that part of the building… I sat there in the pitch dark for 3 hours before I was let back out. I still get badly triggered by narrow, dark rooms and rooms with no windows. To such an extent, I jumped out of a small window on the second floor of a gym when I was in boot camp. I was allowed to train downstairs in the bigger gym with windows on all walls after that incident…

The harassment at work went on for years until I finally snapped, ended up at the hospital and got into therapy for the first time. I don't want to go into depth about what more happened, I just can't… I can't bring myself to write it all. Luckily, I had gotten more education while working, so when I graduated, another company called and gave me an offer I just couldn't refuse. So, I quit my job and never looked back, even if the traumas I suffered there still haunts me to this day.

Sadly, even after switching jobs, now getting a safe job with sane leaders… I started to relax, and that's when all my past trauma came washing over me. And one day, on while driving to work, I had my first serious panic attack. It started as this feeling I used to have at the old company; getting sick to my stomach and having the sense of someone being out to get me… then it developed to breathing problems… and I had to pull the car over. I broke into tears, struggling to breathe, stumbling out of the car to read the logo on its side just to reassure my body and brain that I worked for a different company now and there was no reason for panic. I called my boss and let him know, because he also was a "refugee" from that other company, so he knew what me and several others had gone through. He managed to talk me down enough for me to come to the office to talk to him. That helped.

I got back into therapy. A better therapist this time. But sadly, it got apparent that I could no longer work as an electrician as there was too many triggers. I was diagnosed with PTSD, severe depression, and social anxiety. I'm still working on these and get better slowly.

I have been in therapy for a long time now, and it was my therapist that suggested I wrote fics to cope and "write it out". I tried to make up my own characters for this, but never felt any connection. I was by this time in the TTTE fandom and had met people with similar trauma and pasts like myself, and I started roleplaying with some of them. Me and a girl from UK then agreed to try to rp/co-write a fic to cope with our trauma. We both found it easier to write about pre-established characters we had a connection to, even if it was an au that made it barely recognizable from the original source material. Only the names and some minor things were similar.

That fic was Stepney's Virginity Gets Lost.

Do we regret writing it? No. It helped us write out our traumas and helped us overcome some mental obstacles in out therapy process. Our therapists cheering us on, because we finally managed to break through the hard shell surrounding us. We both cried for the first time in years while writing it, some of it through roleplay, because some parts were extremely graphic and brutal and very mentally exhausting. We had to take long breaks between each writing session, so the fic wasn't written in just a weekend. But we got a lot of darkness out of our minds by writing all this. And we were definitely NOT aroused by it, like this pervert here claims.

It's when you dare to touch and feel the difficult and dark emotions, you can finally move along in the grieving process.

Should it have been posted online?

In retrospect, no. But at the time, we thought it might help other trauma victims, as we also found reading about other people's experiences and fictions touching painful subjects helpful to ourselves. So, we posted it, never expecting it to cause such a controversy 3 years later. In fact, we had more or less forgotten about it until it came back to bit us in the ass. Or rather, bite ME in the ass, as I am getting the full blame alone.

Also, despite what people claim, it was not posted openly for children to read. It was tagged properly and hidden behind mature content walls. If a minor chooses to break that wall, that's not the author's fault. It's the same as watching a movie with an age restriction way above your age, not the filmmaker's fault.

I think MerciResolution puts it nicely here:

"If your problem lies with you KNOWINGLY entering adult spaces when you’re a minor, ignoring all mature warnings that are literally SCREAMING at you “hey, this is what you’re getting into. Are you sure you want to proceed?”

That’s ENTIRELY on you. YOU are the fucking problem.

We’re marking mature things as best as we properly can. If you decide to ignore them, that’s your own damn fault. We’re not your fucking babysitters."

Also, I never posted the story on Wattpad, so if anyone has done that, it's not me. I posted the story on Fanfiction.net, DeviantArt and AO3, that's all. If it's posted anywhere else, it's not done by me.

I had honestly moved on from it when people pulled me back into it.

Other people who have done questionable shit in that fandom are easily forgiven because "they have moved on" or "changed". Yet, nobody believes I can move on or change…?

I had moved on; my interests had changed. But people won't let me, so here I am… Having to defend some crap I did years ago. A fic I no longer have any interest in.

I'm not even interested in TTTE anymore. I have moved on with my own book project now and I would like to focus on that.

So, deleting my TTTE content, whether it was the SFW or NSFW stuff, didn't cost me a penny. It actually felt like a relief. The only downside with it is that people now can't read it and make up their own opinion about it, but will solely believe in what others say, and those things are often seriously bent out of shape and blown out of proportions to such an extent it's barely recognizable.

If people claim that Arry and Bert rape Stepney in the fic, they have never seen it or read it. That's not what happens. That's just an assumption made by looking at the title and knowing there is a rape/torture scene in it. But I'm not gonna tell who the victim is or who performed it, because this is the only way I am able to tell who has actually read the fic or not, who is just trying to spread bullshit and who is actually telling the truth. The person in that screenshot, has no idea what he's talking about.

Does SVGL romanticize rape and abuse?

No, not in the least. It's described as the horrible, heinous acts it is and is in no way meant to be cute or romantic and definitely NOT something anyone should get off to. If anyone finds it sexy, that's their problem, not the authors'. If anything, SVGL might romanticize suicide, because one of the characters isn't able to cope with his trauma and chooses to end their life. Which is something I considered doing myself when I was in the darkest pit of depression. So, I apologize for maybe romanticizing suicide. The following chapters describe how friends and family handle the loss and grief.

It also describes a toxic relationship, where one of the parts struggles to get out of it. They eventually manage to break free, but it is not easy. This can easily be translated to my previously mentioned relationship, as it was my way of writing out my experience about how hard it is to break out of a relation when your partner has broken you down to the point where you no longer believe in yourself and your self-worth.

The last chapters start to gradually become brighter, as both our lives started getting better too. But we never really wrote the end because we both lost interest in writing TTTE content by that time and just left it hanging.

I'm not the only one who has written NSFW TTTE fanfics out there. But it seems like violence and murder is more acceptable than sexual things? I do wonder how brutally mutilating children's show characters are more tolerable than sexually abusing them. Neither should be okay.

Some content creators hide behind "it was a joke". I have been told that such topics that SVGL touches upon shouldn't be joked about… so I didn't do that, and yet it was wrong? So how should such topics be treated? Be hidden like it's a shame, like in the old days when rape victims were told to suck things up and keep it to themselves? When those subject to abuse didn't dare to speak up because people would judge them?

I think it is important to talk about these subjects and why they are so problematic. Victims shouldn't have to hide their trauma; they should be allowed to talk openly about it without fearing judgement.

Some of you claim that writing isn't a good way to cope… You're trying to dictate how trauma victims deal with their trauma, and that's a dangerous path to walk down. Nobody handles trauma the same way. You might have your thoughts on how you would react, but you'll never know until trauma hits you… and you might not react the way you had expected or planned. Trauma messes with your head and you won't be able to think clearly. It makes you do thinks you normally wouldn't have done and can make you act out of character. So, do not judge people without having been in the same situation yourself. Ever.

Someone wrote that I have "more problems that just a rape".

Read that again.

Just a rape.

This person does not know how damaging a rape can be. And if you made it this far in this post, you know I didn't only go through one, but several. Not just by my ex, but also being ambushed while I was walking home from a party, and later; a co-worker forcing himself onto me at a building site. I can't go into depth about them all, I just can't.

Just a rape…

"Just" the feeling of not being in control of your own body and your own decisions. "Just" being robbed off your dignity and self-worth. "Just" having someone intrude into your private zone, tear your clothes off and claim your body against your will. "Just" feeling how your life force leave you as you realize that fighting against it won't help you, and you silently give up and just lay down waiting for it all to be over. "Just" spending hours in the shower, scrubbing your skin until you bleed because you can't wash the filth away and you keep feeling dirty no matter how much you clean yourself. "Just" waking up at night, after having relived the scene again in a nightmare. "Just" looking over your shoulder wherever you walk because you heard something or thought you saw something or simply because someone is walking behind you. "Just" the fact that you'll never feel comfortable walking alone at night again or have someone walk behind you. "Just" never being able to relax because your body constantly think you're in grave danger. "Just" a rape…

That's such a neck-beard thing to say. Someone who clearly think of other people's bodies as property or things. Not taking into consideration that we are living, breathing individuals with feelings. And that having another person violate us isn't something we like or that we'll easily get over. We want to choose who we give ourselves to, nobody should be forced. We didn't ask to be raped. We didn't want it. We didn't like it.

Rape is trauma.

Yes, we should have chosen other characters for the story, but we did what we did, and it cannot be undone now. So, if the only thing I will be remembered for in the fandom is that ONE fic, instead of all my other content, that's what it will be. That's what people chose to. I'm moving on.

10. Being a nazi for being interested in WW2 history and for being Norwegian and having so-called nazi-letters in my last name (actual letters of the Norwegian alphabet).

*sigh*

This is something that could only happen in America, isn't it?

Some people don't bother educating themselves. The "nazi-letters" you guys are talking about is actually part of the Norwegian alphabet and has nothing to do with Nazism or white-supremacy to do at all. The Norwegian alphabet has 29 letters, the three extra is æ,ø,å or in capital letters: Æ,Ø,Å.

We can't help it if some morons over in the US abuse these letters as symbol of their twisted mindset.

Yes, my name contains one of those letters. It is my name… and I didn't choose it. It is a common Norwegian name.

As for me being a Nazi?

Those who knows me knows that I am as far from a Nazi as one can get. I despise Nazism with all my heart.

But the reason some people choose to believe so… was that some guy who has no hobbies or life went through every single fave I've made on DeviantArt since I joined the site in 2006, which is well over 20000 faves. And he found a few Nazi-characters from a web series I was following about ten years ago. I am very interested in history and especially WW2-history, so I found that particular web-series interesting and faved some artwork related to it. What this guy failed to notice is that I also faved the Allied characters… That's ALL there is to that story.

I has also faved a pic someone made of Joseph Goebbels (I think it was?) as a Pixar Car. That's not because I have any nazi-sympathies, but I simply found the concept of turning historical persons, both good and bad, into Cars as an interesting project. I would have faved any other historical Carsified person as well.

As for me being a Norwegian and have a natural pale complexion, that's not something I can help. That's nothing I choose. And it doesn't make me racist or Nazi. Period.

11. Putting a white-supremacist flag (the actual flag of Norway) on my porch on family birthdays and our national day.

Again. Get educated.

This flag… is the actual flag of my country. The Kingdom of Norway.

There is nothing Nazi about it. It is not a symbol of white-supremacy. IT IS THE FLAG OF NORWAY.

During WW2 it was even illegal, so people would paint it everywhere in a protest against the Nazi-occpation and the SS. We even decorated our Christmas trees with it, and that is a tradition that has followed us into the modern day.

Again, if some idiots in the US choose to use it as a symbol for their disgusting logic, it is not Norway or the Norwegians' fault.

12. Being a danger to my daughter.

I need people to elaborate here.

What exactly do you think I do to my daughter? What is the cause of your concern here?

The fact that I have made NSFW content? How is that harmful to her as long as I keep it away from her? You DO realize that even authors, pornstars and moviemakers have children and that they can be good parents, right?

Do you think I read pornographic content for her as bedtime stories? Or show her porn instead of kids TV? How sick are you guys, really…?

Some people even wanted CPS to take my child away from me… Have a look at these screenshots…

You want a happy, healthy, innocent child to be taken away from a stable, safe home with loving parents just because you don't like the content the mother made? You want her to be placed in foster care, where there is no guarantee that she will have a happy upbringing rather than have her stay with her parents who love her and care for her, for reasons she'll never understand and wasn't even aware of?

"Think of the children!" a lot of you say when it comes to my content. May I ask why this doesn't apply to my daughter?

Why do some of you go as far as to wishing her dead or wanting her to be removed from the home she feels safe and loved in? How is that thinking of the children?

As for the douchebag in that screenshot. You claim that if your mother did something like that you would want nothing to do with her… I have a question: Do you know EVERYTHING your mother do? Does she include you in each aspect of her life? Even her sexual life? No?

How do you know she doesn't do thing you don't approve of when you're not around? She could be a rabid pornmag reader for all you know. But stuff like that is something adults hide from their kids. So, you wouldn't know, unless you go snooping around in her business.

Everyone is entitled to privacy. What I and my husband do when our kid is not around is our business, not hers, and certainly not yours.

Porn and parenting are to be kept separate from each other. Period.

And we do.

There is absolutely no reason to be worried about my daughter. She is a happy, healthy child in a safe, stable home with family that loves her and cares for her. Not just me and my husband, but also grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

If you want to remove her from that over a stupid fanfic behind a mature content wall, you're the deranged person, not me.

 This is all I have to say about all this and my time in the TTTE fandom. I have left by my own, free will. Yes, I am aware that many people don't want me there. That's fine. I don't want to be there.

I am a bit disappointed in those people who just blindly unfollowed me and unfriended me without any questions asked, just followed the leader. Big users tend to dictate who and what is worth following in that fandom. They will even protect real predators, but I'm not going to open that can of worms now. I'm done with the fandom.

Some of those people, I have been talking to regularly, even supported when they faced hardships in the fandom themselves. But when I got in trouble, they ditched me without a word…

If anything, this whole ordeal showed me who to trust and not, and who were true to their word when it came to how deep our friendship was. True friends at least give you the chance to explain before they drop you. I hold no ill feelings to those who did, at least they asked me before judging.

And those who still stayed with me, are the ones who truly know me and who I really am.

Some of the worst libels posted about me might be reported to the police, but I haven't made up my mind yet. I am not mentally strong at the moment, so I don't know if I have the strength to legally follow it all up. I will ask the cops at work for advice on the matter.

All I ask for now is some peace.

You don't have to like me. You don't have to follow me. You don't have to like my content. Feel free to invalidate me, I know a lot of you will.

But please, stop bullying me and my family.

Please stop sending me horrid messages and death threats.

Please stop doxxing me and calling me.

Please leave my family alone. If you don't care about me, at least care about them.

Please just ignore me. I have already left the fandom, there is no reason to keep hunting me.

I just want to move on and go on with my life and the content I am currently working on. After years in therapy, my life has gotten better, and I want to move on.

Please let me.

[garfieldhatesorlando]

Are these really facts? You tell me

Alright! FACTS CHECKED so let's get down to the bare knuckles of this all. It's being stated that when Dim announced his plans to marry Smeggles, Wills melted down and after speaking with Charles and the Queen, it was on him as his brother, to let Dim know that his days as a working Royal was going to be numbered if he were to marry her. Wills saw nothing but scandal heading for his family at the end of 2017. Dim made lots of threats along the way, but wait, I digress. (It was then both Dim and Smeggles went full-throttle to merch, set up websites, social media, all in an effort for future cash flow) It was CHARLES who was behind the break-up the first time around. At some point, it came to his attention that she was collecting information (don't ask me, we can only speculate) and it was feared she was up to no good. When Dim attended Inskip's wedding in Jamaica, she had an IN because the same make-up artist that she claims to have a wonderful friendship with (Daniel whatever his name is) was the make-up artist that was being recommended to do the bride's wedding-day look. SHE ABSOLUTELY STALKED him to Jamaica in an effort to talk him backward. Now, this is where it's said that whatever INFORMATION she had .... was going to be SOLD. Anyway, promises were made and kept and that included putting a ring on it. Smeggles did indeed paint a very gloomy picture of her family to the BRF, hence the statement of *the family she never had*. She also told the BRF that was being *threatened* ... after she broke the story to VF ...... even though MI6 couldn't verify her stories, so Dim decided to release the statement he did about *leaving her alone* .... referencing her colour and all that other shit. Things really came to a head after the Remembrance Ceremony -- you know the one ... where's she's looking at Wills doe-eyed .... hence the huge rift stories that followed. (Philip, on the day they married, REFUSED to see Dim before the ceremony. Dim had also requested to meet with his grandmother and grandfather several times before his wedding day, and again, he was denied). What we've learned from all this is Dim is a petulant, spoilt, little school boy and the more he's told *DON'T DO IT*, he's GOING TO DO IT because with Smeggles in his ear, he always knows better. Fast forward to BEFORE Archie. Archie was born out of weaponising going forward. I do not know how else to put it. She absolutely needed to have Archie in order to secure her place knowing that Dim has always wanted a family. (We know that WAS NOT HER THING at least not right away) .. Dim was actually quite surprised by the news (he had made preparation for it not thinking it would happen so suddenly but then came the trip to Canada to *see JM*) and I do remember hearing that before it was announced after Eugenie's wedding. At the beginning of 2019, things were really, really bad between the brothers. (We, in our positions, knew that were press leakers and frankly, the Royals didn't care anymore) Things had grown absolutely toxic amid the Andrew scandal and all the infighting between family members. Then there was chatter about Smeggle's tantrums and striking out at Harry in all sorts of ways I don't care to elaborate. I can tell you now that all of the bullshit headlines about them DROPPING A BOMB on the QUEEN was utter fabrication. Their plan was to be more entailed but as the sentiment of the people turned, both Charles and Wills told Dim that he needed to step it up and GET OUT. Lord Geidt had the Queen's full cooperation in all of this. He too was a mover and a shaker. (Think Tommy Lascelles), The plans were already in place for them to attend the events they've attended thus far and any statements prior and going forward were all handcrafted by Lord Geidt and approved by the QUEEN. They've all made a cheery effort to be kind to Smeggles but her ugliness has been on full display behind the scenes for yonks. When the QUEEN spoke to us at Christmas time, the symbolism of what was not to be said was on full display, hence the missing pictures of the Gingey Cringe family. The rumours about Harry being unhappy are quite true but truly the only way he's going to realise the mess he made was to PUSH him from the nest which is exactly what's been done. This is why they will not be working Royals, even part-time as originally suggested. I expect them to visit their charitable organisations in an unofficial capacity whenever annuals are held and monies need to be discussed in the terms of fundraising. (Sentebale is up in arms) If we see him playing polo any time soon, I'd be shocked. Smeggles has made it clear to Dim that Archie will not learn the sport as child nor will he learn to hunt. I've also learned that it's true that Smeggles has had extensive work on her face at the request of her Hollywood agent in an effort to attract lucrative offers be it film, telly or ads. Somewhere down the line, there is a book in the works and yesterday it was mentioned to me not to look for it until after the QUEEN'S death. Now, I want you to know that Lady L and I spoke extensively about sharing this much information. I had to battle her and of course I have obviously left Mister out of the loop. There is a great deal more but I'm going to treat this information as a test. As for Malibu, that's quite old news to us. Interesting, how everything has been laid out on a fine timeline. The media has a great powder keg of info that has all been sold to them by the people she's stepped on , on the way up. And yes, the Markles have been given a dividend to keep their gobs shut.

[shinahbee]

November Favorites 2020!

 Hello!

So as you may have seen I have been uploading a bunch of art all of November, not every week because of my crippling job at the moment taking away my sanity.lol. But i did try my best to update whenever I can. I do have so much more to complete so please look out this December for more digital art being pumped out

How are you all doing?  I'm holding up decently, I'm trying to avoid talking about covid since that's all i've been hearing from work and home and it's really making me anxious since i'm not able to work from home due to the nature of my job. I hope you all are holding up hope and taking care of your selves, let's all remember that there is a time after this and we will get through this.

with that being said I will have a lot more time to spend on my art after January since my work term is going to end and I don't plan to stay for an extension, so maybe then I'll catch up on all of my previous art that I was supposed to upload, a.k.a my hero academia ones.lol

also I'm still chugging along reading more manhwa (web toons ) from korean and chinese artists, i'm so disappointed in myself for not discovering these sooner, these stories are really good and so much effort was put into the art panels, as I have said all I've read was manga so i'm used to just seeing black and white panels, so i never really dove into web toons though I have appreciated the work put into it, now that I'm down the rabbit hole I am discovering really good story lines that are different from the manga I've read thus far and I'm really enjoying it!

so i'm excited to share my thoughts on everything I've been liking

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                           Manhwa/Manga/Webtoon

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so previously in last months recommendations I have talked about a few of the manhwa I've been reading so I'll briefly list those below since they are all still ongoing

1) who's baby is it

2) to be or no to be

3) social temperature

4) salad days

all of them are still ongoing and i'm still in the process of reading them so I can't give a full review till it's completed but so far I am still enjoying them, that's definitely a good sign since i tend to just drop something after I don''t find it interesting anymore at some point in the story. If you have not read my October favorites journal please do so for my initial thoughts on these manhwas. Now i'm actually going to talk about some of the ones that are completed   , so you can definitely read all of them without waiting for the an update from translators, lol

this is in no particular order, just fyi

1) Path to you

"When almost college dropout Jensen attempts to drink away his problems, unemployed Nathaniel( Neil ) suddenly pukes on him and ruins his night. As an apology, Nathaniel offers to help Jensen with his studies. Despite Jensen's difficulties in getting along with people, the two become friends and something deeper begins to grow between them...”

this is the summary from one of the manga websites I was able to find, it does not even describes the emotional plot line that goes along with this later, this is ones of my absolute favorites! I love this manhwa so much, its a great depiction of a coming of age story for collage students going through their life journey and slowly getting though life's difficulties  and challenges, one character is going though emotional trauma and trying to over come it for years and another character is going through anti social disorder and discovering his sexuality, it's a plot line that portrayed human aspects in life quite well. I love the relationship between the two main character and how their relationship developed over time from being friends to being a couple. there is a lot of relationship building and minimal drama, which is really refreshing from mangas that I've read, so if you are just starting to delve into BL webtoons, please read this first! you will not be disappointed

with that being said, I love Neil, so much.... you don't even know. lol. He's so precious, literally like an actual cinnamon roll. LOL. i'm exposing myself ...so i'll leave it at that, i’m also wondering why his name is neil instead of nathan or nate...? lol.

2) Here U Are

"Orientation of  the newcomers is a task for YuYang, and he ends up helping the unsociable and towering LiHuan, the kind of person that does everything to be disliked. But after better knowing each other, he discovers that the giant isn’t that bad of a person at all...”

I really wish I could find better summaries, lol. but it's to the point without giving away too much so i'll take it. This is one of the most popular series and I can totally see why after reading it, this story has every possible human aspect and relationship building  between the two main leads, I actually teared in some parts of this manhwa and I've never done that before! such a good story and plot line, if I were to pick any series in a web toon to be animated then I would choose this series hands down. There's also sub plots between different characters as well and how they deal with their interpersonal relationships and relationships between the two main leads, I love it! This is everything I want in a story, so please check this one out

also yuyang looks a lot like miyuki Kazuya from Daiya no ace and that just made me drawn to him.I really liked his personality and in the manhwa he has girls and guys in love with him and dude...I get it.

3) BJ Alex

"Every night at 10, Dong-gyun locks himself up in his room, grabs a box of tissues, and watches a live cam boy show hosted by Alex, a BJ (broadcast jockey). Timid Dong-gyun admires not only Alex’s ripped body, but his candor in sharing his sexual experiences with viewers. One night, Dong-gyun downs too many drinks at a school networking event and passes out. When he wakes up, he’s in bed staring up at a shirtless hunk. A hunk who looks an awful lot like...Alex.”

so um...this is more yaoi than shounen ai cause of all the graphic scenes in the manhwa, if you are veteran you may have already read this one cause its really popular. It also has a lot of comedic elements to it too so it's not too serious, but the relationship developed between the two characters later on is really sweet despite the infinite amount of sex scenes. Not much else to say about this story, it's easy to follow and the only abuse in here is the emotional kind

I'm not really entirely sure how i felt about it in the beginning but the end is really good

4) No way, vampires don't exist

"Four college housemates — Juwon, Eunho, Seongjae, and Gyumin — are in desperate need of a fifth person to fill a vacant room in their place. But their main concern isn’t about paying rent: they’re ravenous vampires, dying to sink their teeth into a fresh, live human! So they can’t believe their luck when Dongha, who grew up isolated from society, eagerly moves in with no idea of what awaits him. To the vampires’ dismay, however, Dongha doesn’t weigh enough for them to suck his blood! As they shower their unsuspecting new housemate with food and attention to fatten him up, have they gotten too attached to their would-be prey? And is there more to sweet, naive Dongha than meets the hungry vampires’ eyes?”

I have to preface by saying that ever since my twilight phase, I didn't consume anything that had to do with vampires for a very long time, for obvious reasons, but this one I just came across after reading path to you and thought I would at least check it out. It started off really comedic and I was like...what am i reading?  but it gets really light hearted and wholesome later on in the story. What I like about this is the character juwon, If you look at him he's that type of character that would look like the stoic a-hole of the story and those characters never appeal to me. But turns out he's the sweetest person most decent person of this story, it makes you want to route for him  and another thing I like about this story is that it looks like a harem but you can tell that there’s only one person the main character doungha treats differently from the rest and how the two are compatible with one another.  in these kind of stories, it’s always treated as every character is a possible route that leads to their own story but in here....there's only one...let's be real. This is one that is an odd ball cause it's technically completed but the translations are not...so i had to read the rest in korean, which makes it a good practice for me since i'm learning korean at the moment, it’s a good exercise...lol

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                             Anime/ Drama

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Not going to lie this department is lacking...lol. I have only been watching Heavens official blessing as mentioned in the last journal

but I have just found out that there is a remake of Shaman king in the making....and my little girl heart is screaming cause I loved shaman king when i was younger...so I can't wait for that

as for dramas, I've tried watching Start Up but I didn't like it so I dropped it, I might try watching crash landing on you since my best friend was obsessed with it, I watched a little of it but I left it since I was busy so i may get back to watching it from the beginning

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                             Music

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i'll put together a play list for you when you read these manga/manhwa...lol. cause that's what i've been doing

Playlist

Crush- No words

Sam kim - Breathe

Crush - let us go

Kim feel - falling

Paul kim - Dream

Kim feel - Hallelujah

Davichi - please don't cry

Yoo mirae - say

taeyeon - a poem called you

baek yerin- Here I am again

I wish tumblr has a way to play music on your page, without copy right..lol. I would share all of these songs cause they are so good

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so that's it for the month of November, lets' see what i get up to for December, I will be updating as frequently as possible so please look out for more art from me and follow me on my social media , I will see you all next time

bye!

Sheena

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     Social media      

Devianatart: she-be.deviantart.com

Instagram: shinb_art

Tumblr: shinahbee

[hmel78]

In conversation with Raphael Doyle ...

A few weeks ago my attention was drawn to a video in which Tom Robinson [Tom Robinson Band / presenter on BBC radio] spoke about a project he’s working on with his old friend, Raphael Doyle. Now, Crowd Funding has become the ‘in thing’ and many people pay it no mind, but this pledge was different. And why? Because there’s real a story behind it - This is not just about a band expecting their fans to donate money in return for a signed photo, or a cheesy ringtone, thus ensuring  the next album is made. From what I’ve heard, the album is going to be something special musically - but not only that, this album is a genuine work of LOVE; not for profit. but for the sake of creativity, for the music ; it’s about old friends, and new, coming together to be a part of Raphael’s album - And they’re against the clock  (for more than one reason) which makes it all the more compelling. I was, of course, interested to know more about Raphael, who along with Tom Robinson and Hereward Kaye in the late 1960’s, formed the trio ‘Cafe Society’.

I should imagine you’re already familiar with Tom, and perhaps Hereward too [from his days with The Flying Pickets], but Raphael has clearly managed to remain off the radar - until now! Born in Northern Ireland, Raphael absconded to England when he was 15 - An unconventional teenager, but a keen songwriter and poet - he found himself at Finchden Manor in Kent, before carving a career, one way or another, in music. ‘Cafe Society’ enjoyed a relative amount of success but it was short lived, and following the break up of the band in 1976, Raphael’s  biography states that he was, at that time “Painfully short on confidence and increasingly dependent on drink”. By the time he was 19 Raphael had already married Rose. Over 40 years later, through thick and thin, and with a clan of four children, they’re still going strong! When I first spoke to him he was telling me about his return to living in the North East of England, having been lucky enough to buy back the very same house he and Rose had lived in as a young couple ; add to that his return to making music, and it would seem that there are many aspects of his life that are coming ‘full circle’.   “Never Closer” is the title of the album - Raphael sings us through a number of extraordinary tracks inspired by “a messy life encompassing darkness and recovery pain and love”,  but at the end of it all, quite contentedly  concludes - “The whole journey has definitely been worth it” ... You can keep up with Raphael’s story, and the pledge campaign, as it unfolds via his website and social media, but in the meantime, we thought we’d attempt to extract some more of his memories about those early days as a musician.

HR : If you’re open to talking about it Raphael, I’d like to go back to 1968 - to Finchden Manor**, where you met up with Tom Robinson - what was life like there?

Raphael Doyle : Well, I was 15 when I arrived at Finchden. I'd come from Northern Ireland where I'd had unhappy fallings out with a couple of schools.  I was clashing with the conservative, Catholic environment of my upbringing, and I was a fledgling hippy in the world that didn't like that. Finchden was like another world entirely - suddenly you found yourself somewhere where you weren't in the wrong all the time - where you could be yourself. It was very unstructured. Your time was your own.

HR : Were you encouraged to be creative?

RD : It wasn't so much that you were encouraged to be creative, but more that you were given the space to be yourself. So some people got into making things, some got into gardening, lots of us spent a lot of time talking. And there was a great spilling out of creativity, whether music, art, pottery, poetry. Whatever people had in them. Just in the time that I was there, there was Matthew Collings scribbling away amazing cartoon-like drawings, who has gone on to become a very highly regarded artist and art critic. There was Mike Medora who was playing searing blues guitar and he went on to do the festival circuit with Global Village Trucking company. There was Danny Kustow, still a much loved guitarist, who became famous beside Tom Robinson in TRB. There was the amazing and eccentric Robert Godfrey who went off to form the Enid, a legendary prog rock band, and he took with him a bunch of other boys, notably Francis Lickerish, another brilliant guitarist and multi-instrumentalist. And there was Tom and me, writing songs, putting groups together- and I guess we were encouraged, yes. We used to be brought out to play to visitors… I remember us being taken off on long journeys in George Lyward- the founder -in his old car to visit Lord and Lady somebody or other in a mansion, and he would give a fundraising talk, and Tom and I would sing a couple songs, and then wander outside where we chanced upon this old guy in ancient corduroys tending a rhubarb patch, who turned out to be the Lord himself. Very PG Wodehouse!

HR : Actually it sounds like fun,  despite being a difficult time ... There’s a great quote from Hereward [Kaye] about your songwriting, he says “The lyrics were all his own and smelt of trouble. How I longed to be deeply troubled like him!”     What was it about music, and songwriting that engaged you? Is it fair to say that without music, you may have strayed onto a very different path?

RD : Well, Hereward was right. I was a troubled young man. We all were at Finchden. But even before I went there, back in Northern Ireland, music and writing had become my escape valve. I came from a little seaside town, and a Scottish wild card called Colvin Hamilton took over the swimming pool cafe and turned it into a venue -  The Scene  - and he would bring down bands from Belfast. This was at the height of the early 60s R&B boom. ‘Van Morrison’ and ‘Them’ were the big name. I was too young to be let in but I'd spend the weekend nights with my ear pressed to the blacked out plate glass window, listening to that raw, rough earthy music. And at home, and in friends’ houses, I was listening to Bob Dylan, Joan Baez, Nina Simone, Ray Charles, Buddy Guy, Robert Johnson, John Mayalls blues breakers ... So Music was already my landscape. It didn't stop me getting into trouble though!  So it was arriving at Finchden, having a place of respite , the chance to heal and grow, and there to get together with Tom and start honing my musical instincts - that's where my direction became set. I became a musician at Finchden.

HR : It was Tom who introduced you to Hereward, in Middlesborough - what happened in the interim before you eventually moved to London and formed ‘Cafe Society’?

RD : Tom's family were living in the north-east and I went up there with him for a holiday. A neighbour of his decided to introduce us to some other arty young folk she knew of from Middlesbrough, and that's where Hereward came in. We just clicked - it wasn't so usual then to meet others passionately into writing and making music. Hereward in Teesside and Tom and I in Kent would make reel to reel revox recordings of each new song and post them to each other, then when we'd meet 2 or 3 times a year and we'd have long sessions playing the songs to each other and trying out harmonies. So then when we finally got together in London it was natural to get into a bedroom or a cellar and just spend hours playing and arranging and practicing.... We were buzzing on it.

HR : From what I’ve read, many people were buzzing about it, including Alexis Korner. You had a really strong connection to him - how did that come about?

RD : Alexis had been at Finchden in his youth - he was an 'old boy'. While we were there his daughter Sappho stayed for a while ... I remember Alexis and Sappho singing the country blues song “Trouble In Mind” together. This was when Tom and I would be wheeled out to play for visitors and there were some powerful times when Alexis and us would play in a packed Oak Room to visitors and wild eyed disturbed adolescents ... So Alexis got to know us and became something of a mentor. HR : Alexis was really big on the music scene, especially with  ‘Blues Incorporated’ - how connected  were you to all of that?  

RD : I remember staying at his place in Queensway and meeting John Mayall - I was a bit dumbstruck. It wasn't that long before that I'd been standing in the dark in a blues club in Belfast watching the ‘Blues Breakers’ with John Mayall and the new guitarist Peter Green playing stunning music, and here was the man standing before me. I don't know what I mumbled but I think it was embarrassing. Another time I was sitting in Alexis' front room with Andy Fraser who was someone Tom and I both loved very much. We'd been to see ‘Free’ at the Redcar Jazz club - the place of been jampacked and heaving and the band were incredible. And here was Andy talking to Alexis about what to do now Free had broken up. He put together a band called Toby. A little while later Hereward and I nicked his drummer Stan Speake, for the band we were putting together while we were waiting for Tom to come to London.

HR : So when Tom arrived, and ‘Cafe Society’ formed properly, what attracted you to the folk scene above any of the others?

RD : We didn't really choose the folk scene. It was just that we were three guys with acoustic guitars, a focus on harmonies, writing our own songs. In those days you either put together a band and played places like the hundred club, or you went to the booming folk circuit. So we began there ...

HR : You landed a residency, as a 3 piece, at The Troubadour coffee house - what do you remember about those first performances?

RD : As far as I remember we had a residency at Bunjies first. We were playing around a lot of clubs- The Rising Sun in Tottenham Court road was a good one. But the Troubadour had the cachet; it had a more serious reputation. We used to go down there and do floor spots on other people's nights and gradually we were building up a following. So then we got a night of our own-Tuesday nights.   It was a wonderful time, a very atmospheric place to try out new songs, to practice our harmonies. We had a captive audience in a little space and it became a shared experience. I think we had a very distinctive blend.   Tom was serious about the nuts and bolts of arrangements and song structure. Hereward was a showman, flamboyant in his songs and performance, and I would escape into the music and let my soul pour out. It made for a dynamic blend. And we were all fans, we all loved music, for us the people we listened to were our heroes and we wanted to join them. HR : And it wasn’t long before you did, was it? RD : No - By now we were trying to get a deal. That was the big Next step in those days. First you build up a bit of a following, then you got management, then you got a deal. We got a manager. Hereward knew John McCoy who ran music venues in and around Middlesbrough where he came from. John went on to become Chris Rea's manager and got him signed and started on his career. We used to go up and play at the Kirk, the most happening club on Teesside at the time, which John owned and ran. He listened to our stuff and wasn't quite sure what to make of it but he agreed to manage us, and one thing led to another and it resulted in Ray Davies of ‘The Kinks’ coming down to the troubadour to check us out. It was the same night Alexis was headlining for us so there was a real buzz in the air. Ray did a bit of a floor spot with us standing alongside not quite able to believe what was happening. Ray saw something in us, I think, that chimed with his own sense of song. He signed us up to his new indie label Konk -the first one in the country-and he himself produced our first album.

HR : Presumably that opened a few doors?

RD : Sure. From playing the London folk clubs, suddenly we were getting support act slots on national tours. We supported ‘The Kinks’ a whole bunch of times,  which was a bit odd because we were this very well mannered acoustic trio in the middle of the stage set up for this raucous pop rock band and the audiences were kind of looking for a good time. But we went down surprisingly well on those tours.  HR : Didn’t you also open for Barclay James Harvest? RD : Yes -That was a bit weird because they were a full blown prog rock band with colours and smoke and atmospherics and everyone took the whole thing very seriously!   I think for some of them a support band was just a necessary evil so we felt a bit sidelined. But luckily a lot of their audiences were the listening kind and enjoyed what we did. Also I have to say that Woolly Wolstenholme was a really sweet guy and he was always very encouraging and would make time for us. We learned a great deal on all of those shows. Sometimes it's when you're not doing your own show, but having to make your mark in someone else's, that you can learn most about holding true to yourself and standing firm as a performer. Then I remember we did the Alan Hull solo album tour. Alan was big at that point as the singer songwriter of Lindisfarne so it was a much better match for us as an acoustic trio. He did the whole tour solo and the audiences were great for us.  Mind you the dressing room was a place to be .... A parade of beautiful people hobnobbing with the latest thing ... Eh, that'd be him, not us!

HR : So as things progressed, and you were having this amount of success as a trio, what prompted you to add more members and form a ‘proper’ band, changing the dynamic, and presumably the sound?

RD : Well, as I said, we weren't really a folk group. We did love people like Neil Young,  Paul Simon, Dylan... We used to finish with a James Taylor song “Lo and behold” . Tom always really liked Richard Thompson. I remember at The Troubadour we used to sing the Fairport song 'Meet on the Ledge'. But really our folk credentials were accidental. We always saw ourselves as a band. Hereward and I had both been in blues bands, and played the raunchier end of R&B pop. Tom's musical interests ranged really widely. He was a big fan of early ‘Manfred Mann’. He and I were besotted with ‘The Band’, “Music from Big Pink”. So really we were just waiting for the chance to expand and go electric - unfortunately it happened just as Ray Davies was making the first album with us. He signed an acoustic trio, but while Ray was supervising recording us at Konk, a process in which we didn't feel we had much say, we were off down the road when not needed in the studio, doing our own demos in a little place in Holloway with a drummer and a bass player and a keyboard player. We abandoned the folk circuit and started to play the pub scene. The Golden Lion in Fulham, The Three Kings in North End Road where the unknown Elvis Costello was forcing himself on the attentions of a bemused audience! Upstairs at Ronnie Scott's. There was a new buzz around and we wanted to spread our wings. So with one thing and another the Konk relationship fizzled out.

HR : ‘Cafe Society’ were dubbed band of the year by Sounds magazine in 1976, but the same year saw  the arrival of ‘The Sex Pistols’ and a whole new scene - what impact did Punk have on you and the rest of the band?

RD : We had built up an expanded following as a band and it felt like we had lots to do. But Ray Davies brought in a production team to work on our second album, who were nice guys but they were not about new music. We were trying to make a go of it with them, and Hereward and I were both newly married and putting a lot of time into that side of things - so the impact of punk, for me at least, Was Tom turning up one night to visit me and sitting down in the front room and telling me how he had been going to the hundred club and seeing  this group - ‘The Sex Pistols’ - and that everything was changing. Tom was going out nights and seeing them and ‘The Clash’, the new bands, and he knew that the album we were recording was redundant.   And he did the right thing. He went off and he dived into the deep end of this new wave. A few short months later Hereward and I were standing at the back of the Lyceum on the Strand looking in disbelief at this mass of thousands of people all with their backs to us, Facing forwards, arms raised and yelling to the rafters for TRB. We didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I think we did both, but very proudly.

HR : It seems at that point, Tom was destined to go a different route - did you and Hereward plan to continue?

RD : When Tom announced he was leaving I didn't want, for myself, to carry on. But Hereward really wanted us to finish the album, which was looking more of a Hereward album anyway. So we continued. But it was without any real sense of ownership or involvement or hope. Really, it was over when Tom left.

HR : What direction did you take musically after the band broke up for good?

RD : I put together a band doing mostly my songs and some of my favourites. There was still a healthy pub rock circuit in London and we were playing places like the golden lion in Fulham and the Stapleton near Crouch end where the Jam were making their mark. There was a buzz - EMI were interested. Robert Plant came down to check us out. But the truth is my confidence was in bits ... I would be sick and need a drink before going on. I couldn't handle the business side - promoters, A&R men. Aargh. It freaks me out just remembering it. You either have the balls to be a good self promoter or you don't. I didn't. I carried on writing songs and playing in many different settings - clubs, in pubs, in schools, and made a couple of albums with a  gospel rock band in England and in the states. Later I returned to the blues with an old friend Paul Davey on guitar. I always loved Paul's playing and he has a quality to him which is very authentic. He is not flashy, he's like The early Peter Green I saw all those years ago in Belfast. But essentially I think I'm still what you might call a soul/folk singer. I love to make contemporary music that is now on the surface, but plunging deep into the timeless in the feel

HR : Some 40 years later there seem to be a lot of things that are coming full circle in your life ... in music particularly ...

RD : Yeah - Really when I look back my life has been about life, but music is a thread that runs through it either in the actual doing of it or in the yearning for it. I absolutely love making music. And that special magical thing of making music with really good musicians, where an unspoken understanding happens and creates a platform on which something even better then you know how to make, actually suddenly happens. A moment outside time. I remember seeing an interview with a very respectable English poet John Betjeman  - he was old and in failing health and he was asked rather respectfully if he had any regrets. And he said "yes. I wish I'd had more sex ". That's how I feel about that level of music making. And that's why am so blown away with what's been happening. Everything I've hungered for has come to me this year.  Making a new album, working with great people, and a really special night at the Troubadour. HR : Oh yes - the show at The Troubadour - how did it feel to perform there again? Was the atmosphere the same?

RD : Actually, the atmosphere was even better than before! I've just been listening to a recording of the opening song, “Give Us A Break”. It's a song of Tom's he and I used to do back at Finchden and we did it acoustically to start the night and it was magic. Then a series of great artists doing floor spots, then me with a spot-on young band, and Tom and Hereward getting up to join in. It was a 10 course meal by candle light! And the audience .... They might as well have been on stage, we were all so involved together.

HR : You remained friends with Tom, and Hereward - as you say they played with you recently, and have teamed in for your Solo album “Never Closer” - how does it feel to be back in their company on a creative level?

RD : Well you know we haven't been strangers to each other.

Hereward and I are brothers in law as well as friends so there's always been opportunities for us to get the guitars out and play together.  My song “Feet on the Floor”, on the new album, wouldn't be the same without Herry's harmonies.  And he's put a lovely, subtle keyboard part on “Kiltermon”, one of the most important songs for me. Tom though, his part in this has been crucial. He says he sees himself as executive producer, just making sure it happens but leaving the music up to me. The truth is he is much more than that. Looking back to the beginning, I wouldn't even be a serious musician but for Tom. And so to be doing this album in partnership with him is just fantastic.

The sense of coming full circle, of completion, of fulfilment is really strong in my life this year. This album is a big example of that, and Tom and Hereward and myself getting up on stage together at the troubadour, and being in the studio together looking into each others eyes, listening to each other, singing together, is deeply wonderful for me.

HR : You’ve said recently, that the recording process took the magic out of the music in the early days, so what has changed for you with this solo record?

RD : The heart went out of the music in the recording process in the 70s for us because it was an artificial environment and a rather autocratic structure. Music is about musicians sharing from their souls together, and that sharing combining, meeting in the air and combining into something extra. That just can't happen in a compartmentalised and splintered and structured and often rather heartless recording process. It's not always like that of course, but too often it has been. We need to get back to the magic of creativity. With this album it's very different. I suppose it's not too strong to say that this album is an act of love. And everybody involved in it is acting with creative integrity and with mutual regard. It's a great thing to be part of.

HR : What was your inspiration for putting these songs together, now?

RD : Back in the spring I noticed that I couldn't grip the plectrum when I was playing the guitar. That led me to check some things out, and I was diagnosed with motor neuron disease in April. I've had a good long summer since my diagnosis, holding the condition at arms length, and it's been great - But it is increasingly something that I am living with day by day so it is a big part of the reality of this stage of my life, and will only continue to be so, and more so ... So it's true to say that all this has come about in response to my diagnosis: Tom and my son Louis started looking at the songs that had never really seen the light of day, and talking about making an album - they were both very much spurred on to bring this about with me because time is an issue.  I wasn't sure  ... I certainly didn't want to make an album just for the sake of it. I wanted it to exist primarily as a piece of work in its own right, and have not wanted my health issue to be a dominant factor in what I've been doing - but the reality and beauty and urgency of this project has come about in trying to get these tracks down while it is still possible. Every stage of this process, of building this album, has been full of surprises.  It's incredibly alive. It's the story of a life. And it's a great collaboration between creative artists - not just me, but Louis, the brilliant Gerry Diver, Tom and everyone who's contributed..

HR : As you say there, the album also features your son Louis - what does it mean to you to be able to have this creative relationship with him, and your other children?

RD : It's been brilliant doing this with Louis. I always say he outstripped me musically a long time ago. The work he's done, from his early band the Cadets, to Slides, and now the Spare Room is often amazing. When he and I started looking at the songs for this album we started to get some of those shivery moments, like I used to get rehearsing in the cellar in Clapham with cafe society. I remember the rehearsal before the troubadour, we got the band together at the Music Room in New Cross and I had Louis on one side of me and my other son Jess on bass guitar on the other side, and we were all blasting out harmonies and it was like something in me just took off and flew up into the air. To be doing this together, at The Troubadour, and in the studio, and at such a wonderful high standard, is something that it's hard to explain. It's just beautiful.

HR : When are you hoping for it to be released?

RD : We are making the album with crowd funding - pledge music - so people are pre-ordering their copies and that helps pay for the cost of making it. The aim is to release it in January - hopefully on the 6th, my birthday - when I'm 64! 

HR : And what can listeners expect? RD : Well, the answer to that changes every week and every time we go back in the studio. It was going to be a good album, but there is all kinds of magic brewing in the cauldron. What can I say. I'm blown away by some of the things we've done. Gerry Diver is doing some extraordinary work on arrangements and production. Louis has written some great music, played brilliant guitar and found lovely musicians and I, I promise you, am singing my heart out. I tell you, I'm a happy man. But there's lots of previews on the PledgeMusic page, with some videos of different songs from the album or the Troubadour - keep watching.   It's at  http://www.pledgemusic.com/projects/raphael-doyle-never-closer , and my Facebook page raphaeldoylemusic

https://www.facebook.com/raphaeldoylemusic/?fref=ts

“I Come From Ireland” - a spoken word track is currently claiming worldwide acclaim, having made it to a feature in the Huffington Post!

The album - Songs Of Experience - can be found here http://www.raphaeldoyle.co.uk/

[Sadly Raphael passed away in March 2018. It is with huge thanks to my friend Ian Donald Crockett, that I had the pleasure of knowing Raphael for that short time].

[collecting-stories]

Postcard - Jojo de la Guerra

A/N: This is modern day Newsies. I just love Jojo, its impossible not to.

Jojo starts pen palling with the reader and then they meet in person for the first time. 

///

It had started with a postcard. One that wished him a magical day and had a little sticker on it of Jupiter with a smiley face. It was the first postcard he had gotten after he had decided to sign up for a website that promoted pen pals and snail mail. Wouldn’t it be nice, he had thought, to share a little bit of happiness with someone the old fashioned way. Race had teased him endlessly about it but Jojo was set on the idea, he didn’t care that he wasn’t as artistic as Jack or as clever with words as Davey, he sent little doodles to people or funny poems he thought up in English class. He sent letters all over but mostly he exchanged them with that first person. He sent them envelopes full of stickers or little packages with facemasks and washi tape and friendship bracelets he made. They sent him letters with sticky notes that looked like moons, paint chips with quotes on them, envelopes full of confetti.  

The address wasn’t far from his own, within the limits of the city in fact. Closer to the Lower East Side than he was, maybe fifteen minutes on the subway. Once he took the line to your street and walked to the corner, where a convenience store stayed open 24hrs a day. He bought a soda and a lottery ticket and left, not sure what he was even expecting to happen. When he told Race about it two days later his best friend teased him endlessly for the entire ordeal. It didn’t dampen his mood though, or alter the overwhelming feeling of pure joy that spread through him when he opened the mailbox to find a letter from you.  

You were the one who first suggested a faster mode of communication. You sent a card that had watercolour popsicles on the front of it and inside offered your number as an afterthought to a full page of writing about a book you were currently reading. A little bubble around the digits, separating them from the rest of the note with the suggestion that ‘we could text sometimes’.  

You texted all the time. He sent you pictures of your mail going into the mailbox but offered no more glimpse of himself than a hand. You sent him a picture of something funny in Target and he thought he could just make out the tiny, blurry, obscured reflection of you in a mirror at the end of the aisle but it told him nothing about your physical appearance. It wasn’t that it was some great mystery. Maybe he would never meet you in person, maybe you would just be some entity that existed in letters and on his phone. You continued to send letters weekly and so did he, glad that this new form of constant communication did not lessen your affection for sending him small gifts in the mail.  

Sometimes you had endless conversations, sometimes days of pool games or finding the strangest bitmoji and sending it along. Gif wars and links to news articles, terrible reviews of tv shows, music, and movies. Texts never seemed to cease and yet the length of your letters never wavered either. He couldn’t find your face in a crowd but he had memorised your handwriting.  

That changed when he proposed seeing the new Star Wars movie together. It had happened spontaneously but also not. He’d thought about it for ages, meeting you in person, he had just never thought about it happening for real. But then he offered and you accepted. He would be in a red hoodie and a pair of track pants, he’d even sent you a picture of the outfit laying on his bed. You added it to the list of things you knew better than his face.  

You were already at the theatre when he got there, waiting on a bench outside the ticketing booth, watching for any sign of the boy that you were supposed to be meeting. When he saw you, and recognized the hoodie as the one you sent him a picture of, a smile spread so wide on his face you thought he could light an entire city with the joy behind it. When you stood he greeted you with a hug. The kind of warm, all encompassing hug that made you want to stay there forever, safe and comfortable and feeling a little light headed from the overwhelming emotion that struck you.  

“This feels so surreal,” Jojo commented when he finally released you, a little too soon if you were honest. He took your hand and headed for the escalator, “not surreal in a bad way obviously, just-“

It was meeting for the first time when you already knew everything about each other. When you could already list his favorites and know his people by name without him having to provide clues as to how they fit with him. It was that tiny fleeting hope that he would kiss you even though you had no idea what he even looked like.  

“Surreal,” you echoed. He offered another smile, impossibly happy in its appraisal of you.  

As the end credits rolled on the film you stayed in your seat, shifting to face Jojo instead of the screen and lifting the armrest that separated you in an attempt to move closer to him. He was reading all the names that went along the screen with a rapt interest, as if he was truly invested in who catered the food for the cast and crew. You sat on your knee in hopes of being closer, letting your other leg dangle off the chair beside Jojo’s. Where the seats conjoined was harder than the soft cushioning you’d been accustomed to during the film but you made the sacrifice of discomfort to be closer.

“What did you think?” You asked, voice a mere whisper in his ear. As far as excuses went you could say that you were being mindful of the other patrons still in the theatre but you knew none of them cared about the credits. You were this close merely to be this close.  

These were not simple like or dislike movies, they had to be dissected just so, something you had told Jojo just the other day when you were discussing the new film, and you looked forward to hearing all his opinions. He had opinions on lots of things that he liked and his emotions seemed to range from good to exciting on every rating he gave. When he talked about something in a letter or a text you could almost feel the pure adrenaline of excitement rolling off the words. It felt like everything had the potential to make him happy and, in turn, brighten your day unknowingly.  

“I feel like I need to watch it over again,” Jojo commented, finally looking toward you. In the glow of the screen you could see him smiling. It seemed perpetual.  

“I’m gonna need a few days to recover before then,” you commented, without thinking that he might not mean with you.  

He didn’t miss a beat though, wrapping an arm around you and somehow pulling you closer to him, “Race wants to come see it on Saturday, you could come with us?”  

Saturday was two days away and while you had just admitted that you needed time to process the film you thought that Friday would seem like the longest 24 hours of your life now that you knew what it was like to be with Jojo. You felt a little lightheaded by your own internal confession but you also felt like you wanted to spend every waking moment with this boy. Somehow hearing him talk and having him next to you was even better than reading what he wrote.

“Race won’t mind?” You asked. Seeing him again was definitely high on your list of things to do but sharing that time with someone else, a new person you only knew from stories, wasn’t exactly something you found yourself looking forward to.  

“No, not at all.” Jojo assured, “Usually there’s a bunch of us...I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the other guys showed up too.” Everyone always tagged along to everything, not that he minded. And he felt excited about showing you off to his friends, he’d talked you up to them so much that they were all dying to meet you, maybe as much as he had been.  

“Okay,” you agreed. The lights came back on as the final credit went dark and suddenly it wasn’t so hard to make out Jojo’s face. You were close enough that your noses were almost brushing and his eyes were bright as he watched you, waiting for something. “What do you want to do for now?” You only moved away from him as a theater attendant came in to clean up. You slipped your feet back into your moccasins and stood up, watching Jojo as he gathered his trash and stood as well.  

“What’s open?” He asked. It was well passed 1am but neither of you wanted to say goodbye. You thought that you would much rather just stay together until it was time to go back to the theater with Race. Jojo had the same idea, he would sit on a bench outside the movies with you for the entire day if it meant you didn’t leave. Texting would not suffice the way it had before.  

“Insomnia cookies is open for two more hours...and the convenience store around the block from me is open too.” You replied.  

“How are they Insomnia Cookies if they close at 3am...what I want a chocolate chip cookie at 3:30 or 4?” Jojo asked, following you out back toward the front doors.

“Then hope you have leftovers,” you teased.  

“There will be no survivors.” He replied, serious tone though the uptick of his lip suggested he was struggling not to smile.  

Insomnia Cookies was not at all crowded at 2am and, despite never being there before, Jojo stepped right up to the counter with all the assurance of someone who knew how to order from the cookie place. He got two dozen cookies, mixed flavors and two brownies and two chocolate milks after confirming that you were vegan or lactose in tolerant. “We’ll get coffee at Queen Village.”  

“They have a cat there,” you mentioned, “Cosmo. He naps around the place all day and night.” You’d gone in at midnight once for bananas and spent thirty minutes petting Cosmo and telling him how beautiful he was.  

“I stopped in there once when I was in your neck of the woods.” Jojo replied, thinking that now was as good a time as any to tell you he’d been to your favorite convenience store. “I did not find Cosmo though.”

“We’ll find him.” You promised, taking the bag of cookies off the counter. Jojo beat you to paying and ignored any attempt you made at offering money.  

Once Queen Village was conquered the two of you found yourselves in your apartment, sitting on your bed with the cookies spread out between you. It was too cold for city benches and being outside in the dark though you would’ve risked your health for Jojo if he’d really wanted to stay out longer. He was gushing over the cookies, enamored by the taste and claiming each one he ate was definitely his favorite.  

“This has been the best day ever.” He exclaimed just before biting into a mint chocolate chip cookie that was somehow still warm.  

“Watching Star Wars and eating cookies? You’ve set the bar pretty low.” You teased, reaching for an oatmeal raisin. There were white chocolate chips inside.

“Being with you.” Jojo clarified, not at all embarrassed by his feelings. If he was happy he said so and that was arguably his greatest trait. “Getting to know you has been amazing but spending today with you has been incredible. I’m so looking forward to Saturday.”

“Me too.” You replied, suddenly at ease, eager for your own admission if only to make him feel as happy as he made you, “I sort of wish we could just keep hanging out until Saturday comes around.”

“Lets.”

-

If you wanna be tagged for Newsies stuff let me know. 

[romanov-ramblings]

So I was debating on whether to post this because I have had my art siphoned off other social media bases. So, before I describe what this is PLEASE if you use my work, PLEASE credit me properly. I do not do things like this just for shits and giggles. I work hard on my work, and yes this may be Windows (MS) Paint and not Photoshop, but I work hard on these things. That being said, here is the description: The Maple Drawing-Room, Windows Paint Rendering Series. A while ago (a few years?) I found autoCAD renderings of the Maple Drawing-Room on a Russian website specialising in CAD drawings. I paid for them (it wasn’t much) and was a little disappointed in that there were only two walls rendered; the entresol/balcony that connected the Empress’s Style Moderne living-room with the Tsar’s State “New” Study, and the wall with the door leading to the Empress’s Palisandre (Rose-wood) Drawing-Room. There was no wall with the doors leading to the main corridor (that split up Their Majesties’ apartments respectively) or the window wall. So I decided to do renderings that showed all the walls. With the two walls that I had, and following the floor plans of the Maple Drawing-Room, I was able to create as close to possible (as I could) given MS Paint restraints (it has its limitations but I make it work) a recreation of what the room looked like (all four walls) with its plaster ornamentation, pink walls, green cornice and all the beautiful maple-wood woodwork. I also put in some pieces of furniture like the horse-shoe shaped sofa with the cabinet which displayed the Empress’s Fabergé Easter eggs, and other trinkets. I also added a cabinet/bookcase which was designed for the room, and of which can be seen in photographs. I sourced all that I could find (including inventories of the room and when it was constructed; what hardware was used etc; the only thing that I cannot find a lick of information on is the transom piece over the door to the corridor; I took some artistic license for this) to make this rendering series as close as possible to its original. Recently photographs and video have been shared via Instagram of the reconstruction project going on at the Alexander Palace and they’ve made a great deal of headway with the Maple Drawing-Room itself. The plaster decoration of flowers, buds, leaves, vines and branches and ceramic tile-work for the fireplaces have been expertly recreated to how it looked before the War by Artcorpus_Interiors. The woodwork is being diligently worked upon by Stavros (a Saint Petersburg-based furniture design firm). It’s amazing how far they have come truly!  It was tedious (I’ll admit) to fine-tune the plaster ornamentation. Originally I had done a loose interpretation of it with thin white lines tied together like twine. Later after seeing more reconstruction photographs, I decided to fine-tune some details and ended up doing all of the plaster.  Some fun factoids: The green spots you see all along the upper part of the pink walls, was where pieces of inset green glass were fitted. 200 or so electrical bulbs (think circus lighting) were installed to create a indirectly lit ceiling and room (very avant garde for the time). This soft lighting bounced off the white ceiling (free-formed by the green cornice) and shined through the pieces of opalised, green glass. Some of the green spots didn’t have glass in them (they were just painted green to match the others) but there were strategic spots over which these lights shined through.  Another fun fact is the hardware/equipment of the room (locks, latches, loops, door handles, etc) in the construction inventories was silver and and another (which could be nickel silver); silver bronze. The “trengels” (it was a fun time trying to figure out what this word meant) or curtain rods were silver bronze, while the other hardware for the room seems to be labeled as being silver. I tried to give that effect with some details (like door handles, and the mounts on the cabinet/bookcase by the door to the Palisandre Drawing-Room).  A round stove (kiln is another term) with white, ceramic tiles (most of the tile work in the room was fire-resistant English glazed tiles) and silver stucco ornaments with two attached sofas was removed (by order of Her Majesty) to make a fully-pieced-together sofa with the cabinet that is so well-known in photographs of the room. This silver stucco ornamentation makes sense as to why the hardware was silver or silver bronze (nickel silver looks almost like silver, has the same sheen and glimmer but has actually no silver in it; it’s made up of a bunch of different alloys except for silver). The transom like I mentioned earlier, is the conundrum. I’ve asked several people, and I still cannot get a straight forward answer on what it was. Some think it is stretch glass (Louis Comfort Tiffany whose work was used in the room (copper soldered glass) which was popular during the time, or frosted glass (also popular), while metal decorations have been thought of (copper, gilded bronze, etc). It has the appearance of glass and then metal, and then plaster (possibly?), and then suddenly glass again. It’s a conundrum definitely.  .... Anywho xD, I have to get ready for class this morning. I just wanted to share my work, and I hope that all who follow me enjoy it :). It was definitely a labor of love! Note (EDIT): So via some Instagram stories of some of the people who are working with this project (the reconstruction project of the Alexander Palace) (Studio 44, Stavros, Artcorpus_Interiors, etc), I came across elevations and plans of the Maple Drawing-Room, and with these I was able to fine-tune some details. I ALSO found out the demi-lune over the doors to the Main Corridor was plaster embellished! So above, I’ve re-uploaded my renderings to show the new versions. Please enjoy! 

[hmorris0712]

soulmate~ tyler joseph x reader (PART ONE)

you never believed in the idea of having a soulmate.

all your friends have always fawned over merely the thought of it, especially as kids. they always daydreamed about the moment they would get their soulmate, the day they’d meet their soulmate. heck, some were so crazy that they were already planning the wedding they’d have with their soulmate.

you just thought the whole thing was creepy. someone being able to hear your inner thoughts and emotions? someone who could talk to you in your head? not to mention you’d be able to do those same things with them as well. the whole idea just disgusted you.

you never cared for the whole soulmate business.

until you got yours.

you remember the moment vividly.

you woke up one morning to the sound of a very beautiful male voice singing softly. at first you thought it was coming from somewhere inside your house, but when you searched every room and found that the sound never got closer or farther away, you realized it was in your head.

it was your soulmate.

you instantly got butterflies in your stomach at the realization. your mind started spinning as you wondered how the heck you’d talk to them. do you just say something? how were you supposed to go about this? you realized that you actually weren’t disgusted right then, but instead you were curious. you wanted to know who this boy was. you wanted to see him. you wanted to say-

“hello.”

you jumped at the voice suddenly talking directly to you now.

“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to startle you, but you do know i can hear your thoughts, right?”

you had no idea how to respond.

“please say something before i get anxious and start thinking that you don’t like me.” you could already feel his nerves start to rise, so you somehow mustered up a greeting.

uhh, hey. sorry about that, i just didn’t expect to get a soulmate today. you have a beautiful voice by the way.

you felt the heat rise to his cheeks, which caused you to blush in response. this is so weird.

“thanks. and yeah, it is kinda weird, sorry.”

no don’t apologize, it’s nice having someone to talk to for a change.

he smiled. of course you couldn’t see him, but you sensed his happiness melting onto you.

“my name’s tyler by the way. nice to meet you.”

then it was your turn to smile. that name matches his cute soft voice perfectly. nice to meet you too tyler. i’m (y/n).

“that’s such a beautiful name.”

yours is better. it’s still the weirdest sensation. being able to talk to someone without seeing them or opening your mouth.

“thanks, but it’s really not that great, it’s pretty generic.”

well if i were you, i’d love my name more than anyone else’s.

the amount of happiness he was feeling in that moment made you want to combust, especially since it was being combined with your own joy.

you know, i used to not want a soulmate, but i think i can live with this.

he laughed. you wish you knew what he looked like so you could match his face with his adorable laugh.

“don’t worry, we’ll see each other one day.” you still get caught off guard a little each time he answers your inner thoughts and concerns.

yeah, i hope so.

time flew by, and soon enough it’s already been two and a half years of having tyler being in your head. the two of you have gotten extremely close. you’ve never loved someone before, but if you had to guess what loving someone feels like, you’d probably say that’s what you feel for tyler. and as of right now, you only have one goal in life: to meet the amazing boy in your head.

you have found out a lot of things about tyler in these two years, like his age, where he lives, and the fact that he’s in a band, which explains why he’s always singing. he also told you that he plays a variety of instruments, some of which include piano, ukulele, and bass guitar.

you hold a huge sense of pride in knowing your soulmate is so talented. it just makes you feel so much better about the world.

you look out your window for a second before fixing your eyes on the road again. you sigh, becoming bored with the sounds of cars zooming past you, so you turn on the radio and flip to that one station that plays all the popular songs of the week or so. a catchy tune starts playing, followed by a voice. an extremely familiar voice.

your heart speeds up and you find yourself using more energy to try to breathe than you normally would. you know that voice anywhere. just to make sure, you listen more thoroughly. after only a few more seconds, you don’t even need to think twice about it: your soulmate is on the radio.

you look at the screen on your car that shows the title of the song and the artist so you can look them up later. stressed out by twenty one pilots.

you hurriedly park your car and immediately look up the band on google. the results show some pictures of two men, a shorter guy pink hair, and a slightly taller man with brown hair. the names given to these two members are josh dun and tyler joseph.

tyler joseph.

that’s him.

you smile to yourself as your heart flutters. just when you thought his name couldn’t get any prettier, it did.

since you don’t know which of the two guys he is, you look up the name ‘tyler joseph’ next and go to images. the results that show up are the brown haired boy from the band pictures you searched previously. you study the pictures closely, trying to memorize every inch of his face. he’s the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen. and these are only pictures.

your heart is beating rapidly, your stomach is a whirlwind, and you don’t know how to calm down.

“hey, are you alright? i’m sorry for being nosey, i just couldn’t help but notice that you’re a lot more tense than usual and i wanted to make sure you’re okay.” just when you thought your emotions couldn’t get any higher, he just sent them over the moon. he’s the sweetest guy ever.

i’m fine tyler. there was a car that almost ran into mine on my way to work, but i’m good. it just gave me an adrenaline rush is all. you give an excuse to cover this up. you don’t exactly want him finding out...yet.

“are you okay? did you get hurt?” he frantically asks at the mention of a car crash.

you laugh at the amount of concern. he’s showing right now. no, tyler. i’m perfectly fine. like i said, they *almost* crashed into me. it was a close call, but they didn’t hit me.

“oh good, i just wanna make sure. i don’t know what i’d do if something were to happen to you (y/n).” he says lovingly.

you listen to him talk to you while looking at the pictures of him, and it makes perfect sense. his voice matches that face all too well. you can’t help but let a huge wave of happiness wash over you.

tyler you’re the sweetest.

“i try.” you know he’s smirking right now. god, why can’t you just meet him? why don’t the two of you live near each other?

“i oftentimes finds myself thinking about you, (y/n). you dominate most of my thoughts, and it just makes me realize how much i need you. i need to see you (y/n). i just don’t know how.” he explains nervously. you can feel his heart racing, causing yours beat quicker in turn. you smile, feeling an enormous amount of love from him pouring down on you.

while he’d been talking, you visited the band’s website and found their tour dates. as you gaze upon the date for your city, you reach out to him. we’ll see each other soon enough.

“how can you be sure?”

your smile never stops growing. i just know it tyler. he smiles as a warmth takes over his heart. “i hope you’re right.”

~one month later~

today.

today, you get to go to a concert.

but not just any concert.

a twenty one pilots concert.

you’re so excited you might burst. you had purchased a general admission ticket for yourself the day you found out about tyler’s band. you did some reasearch to find out how to get the front row, because you were going to get front row. you had to get as close to him as possible.

you looked up some fanpages for the band on twitter and found that most fans of their fans camp out at the venue a day or two before the concert to make sure they get barricade. so you decided that getting there around twenty four hours before the concert would be pretty good time.

when you got there, there were only three people in line. sweet. you approached them and immediately clicked with them. they were decked out in merch from top to bottom. you had a tank top and beanie that were merch items. you paired them with white high rise jeans and black high top converse, accompanied by some thread bracelets color coordinated with the band colors.

when night came, the three of them very generously offered to share their tent with you since they loved you so much already. in the morning you helped them take it down and snacked with them afterwards for ‘breakfast’, or as much of a breakfast as it could be. you brought your own share of snacks as did they, so you all traded food with one another. one of the girls turned on her music and started playing their newest album blurryface. you all jammed out and told stories, laughing all your troubles away.

the four of you are currently sitting in a circle and playing cards. jamie, one of the two twins, places a card down on the quickly growing pile of cards in the center. “one jack.” she says innocently. jason, jamie’s twin brother, slams his hand down on top of the card. “I CALL BS!!” he yells. he picks up the card and looks at it. sure enough, he was right. it was an ace instead of a jack. he laughs in victory as jamie frowns and sadly takes all the cards in the middle, adding them to her existing hand of cards.

“you cheated.” she says, side-eyeing jason. confusion takes over his face. “how did i cheat?” “telepathy.” jamie spits out, crossing her arms over her chest. jason rolls his eyes. “yeah right, i can’t read your mind. only josh can do that.” he fires back.

“josh?” you ask, stricken with curiosity. carly, jamie’s best friend, speaks up. “you know, josh. josh dun. the guy we’re about to see. her soulmate.” your eyes widen. “josh is her soulmate?” you exclaim. “i know, she got real lucky.” carly replies.

you shake your head. “oh no, it wasn’t that. it’s just kinda funny that josh is your soulmate, because tyler is mine.” you explain with a laugh. jason and carly’s jaws drop. “you’re kidding.” jason says. jamie’s face lights up and she stands, rushing to the other side of the circle. you stand up as well and she hugs you. “is he really?” she asks. you nod vigorously. “yeah, really. he sings to me all the time.” you say, swooning internally at the thought of seeing him in person in less than an hour.

jamie squeals. “girl this is crazy!!” your smile grows significantly. “i know! fate really gave us the best.” the two of you laugh and hug again, unable to contain your excitement.

“alright, alright, you guys get to see your soulmates tonight, congratulations. now can we get back to the game?” jason says unenthusiastically. carly’s mouth is still wide open as she watches you guys sit down. “i cant believe this. they’re both taken now.” she says as she stares off into the distance. you laugh and place down a queen into the middle of the pile.

jamie suddenly gasps. “DID HE WRITE TEAR IN MY HEART FOR YOU (Y/N)?” she asks almost desperately. you shrug. “i mean, i don’t really know. i don’t know if he has a girlfriend or n-” “nope he’s single. he doesn’t have a girlfriend yet. it’s GOTTA be you.” carly interrupts you.

you smile and cover your mouth with your hand, eyes watering with joy. jamie is a squealing mess right now, already shipping the two of you hardcore already.

“oh, bs (y/n).” jason says amidst jamie’s freaking out. you smirk and shake your head, picking up your queen and showing him. he deadpans for a couple seconds before taking the card. “at least it’s only one card.” he says, chuckling at jamie. she rolls her eyes back at him.

you look at your cards and zone out for a little, a giddy smile taking over your face.

“you seem really happy today. got something going on?”

your smiles grows even more at the sound of his voice. yeah, i just made some new friends while waiting in line for a concert.

you feel tyler’s spirits lift a little. “what band is it?”

“(y/n), they’re letting us in the venue now!” carly snaps you out of your thoughts. “oh sorry! here, i’ll help pick up the cards.” you reply.

i’ll tell you later, we’re going inside now. talk to ya later ty! you say as you gather the cards.

“why’d you drop the ‘ler’ from my name?” he jokes. you chuckle. it’s just a nickname tyler.

“i know, i was just messing with you. josh calls me that too, but it sounds much cuter when you say it.” your smiles grows and your cheeks turn red.

“i’ll let you go though now, i’ve got my own show to put on. bye (y/n).” he says cheerily.

bye tyler.

~~~~~

the large screens fade black as the concert finally starts. with four beats, the top three circles of the album cover appear. after about ten more seconds, the screen glitches before the next set of three circles appear. next the bottom three appear and the beats transition into the fairly local music.

soon a face appears, seeming to have been made out of the blurryface album cover circles. they appear to have been squished together, eyes and a mouth strategically placed on them to make a character. possibly blurryface.

the low signature blurryface voice starts the rap. “yo, this song will never be on the radio.” he raps, everyone in then pit yelling along with him. you’re too stunned to do anything right now, this is the most insane thing you’ve ever seen.

“the world around us is burning, but we’re so cold. it’s the...” the voice cuts off and the screen goes back to black, the crowd finishing the lyrics for the strange character.

the background music to the chorus of fairly local plays, practically sucking the air right out of your lungs. you feel the bass in your chest, your heart thumping to the beat of it. you hear the live drums and look over to your left, spotting josh dun himself on the drum riser. upon seeing josh, your immediate thought it that if he’s out on stage, tyler must be too. you look to the right of josh and holy crap there he is.

tyler joseph. your soulmate. standing ominously on an elevated platform merely fifteen feet from you. he looks incredibly intimidating, especially since you can only see his silhouette as of right now. soon the purple lights flashing on stage turn to red, and the beat to the music changes speed, transitioning into heavydirtysoul.

you’ve been to many concerts before, but none can compare to this one, even though you’re only two minutes in. although it’s only tyler and josh up on the stage, they carry the energy of ten people with them.

you and your friends sing and scream your way through the concert, having the time of your lives together. you ended up getting barricade at the very center. this is definitely the best concert you’ve ever gone to.

~~~

“how’s everybody doin so far, you all doin okay?” tyler asks the crowd followed by a bunch of cheers. you watch him in awe. he’s just talking, but you’re still amazed that he’s real. and he’s right in front of you.

hey tyler? you reach out to him in your mind.

“yeah?” he replies as he pushes his sunglasses up the bridge of his nose. it’s the strangest thing, hearing his voice without seeing his mouth moving.

you’re the best. you watch as his smile grows to the size of the moon, boosting your happiness to the max.

“why do you say that?” he asks you before asking telling everyone else that this is so far one of the best shows he’s ever played. everyone screams and shouts in response to his statement.

you smile. because it’s true.

he runs a hand through his brown locks quickly and looks down at his black vans, smiling.

the show continues, and it seems like ever since you complimented him, he’s been in a significantly happier state, the energy from him growing stronger and giving you an adrenaline rush.

they just finished playing the run and go from their previous album vessel. it’s a blackout right now, crowd ambiance being the only audible thing. soon the lights turn back on to reveal tyler sitting at his piano a little to the right of you.

he speaks into the microphone. “this next one i wrote for someone very special to me.” everyone in the pit goes crazy because they know exactly which song it is. some of the people scream “JOOOSH!!”

“guys- no, it’s not josh!” tyler says in fake annoyance. josh starts laughing and covers his face with one of his hands. tyler looks over at him and starts laughing as well. “he does know who it’s about though.” he explains.

“i- i actually haven’t told anyone else yet.” he says as he plays some slow chord progressions that vaguely match the chords of tear in my heart.

“but i just feel like tonight, this crowd...you guys deserve to know.” all the people around you cheer with excitement.

but suddenly tyler’s fingers come to an abrupt stop from the melody they were playing. “and if you’re recording do not post this anywhere.” he half-scolds. scattered laughs are heard around the pit. “i’m being serious! if you’re still recording...guys if i see this up on youtube or anywhere i’m gonna be so pissed.” this sends almost the whole crowd into laughter.

tyler stares sternly into the crowd for a couple seconds before a smile breaks out on his face, followed by a laugh erupting from his chest. “i like teasing you guys, this is the best.” he continues the chord progression he’d been doing earlier.

“for real though, i love you guys, thank you for being here tonight. this night wouldn’t be the same without you.” he says with a smile that only grows as his people let out cries of joy.

“i wrote this song for my soulmate.” he says with a huge smile. jamie and carly start screaming and jumping, shaking you as you laugh with them. if you doubted it before, you sure don’t now. you now have 100% confirmation this song is about you.

“and it’s called tear in my heart.” tyler says as the chords fade out. you smile. josh raises his drumsticks in the air. he and tyler share a look before starting the song.

“an-nyang-ha-se-yo!”

you feel so indescribably happy right now you could burst. the first time you listened to this song, you had the feeling it was about you. this was the first song of theirs you memorized all the lyrics to.

“the songs on the radio are okay.” tyler says. this next line is probably your favorite line written by anyone ever.

the whole crowd screams it along with tyler. “but MY taste in music is your FACE.” his smile hasn’t left his face since he started this song.

soon the bridge comes along. you never quite understood what he meant by you falling asleep in his car since you’ve never been in his car, but nonetheless it’s such a sweet bridge.

you sing along to the lyrics with everyone else, ecstatic and still a little shocked that you’re literally ten feet away from the love of your life.

“sometimes you gotta bleed to know, oh-oh, that you’re alive and have a so-oh-oul. but it takes someone to come around to show you how-” he steps up onto his piano and holds his arms out for everyone to sing the chorus. he whips off his sunglasses, revealing the rest of his cute face you love with all of your heart.

as the crowd continues singing, he hurriedly steps off the piano and backs up quickly, followed by running forward quickly and jumping off and over his piano on the beat and landing in time to begin singing again.

“my heart is my armor. she’s the tear in my heart, she’s a carver. she’s a butcher with a smile!” he sings as he runs across the stage with a ridiculous amount of energy. “cut me farther than i’ve ever been!” he sings as he runs up to the front center of the stage, literally right in front of you. “SCREEEAAAMMMMMM!” he shouts outwards towards the pit. they do as told, screaming from the top of their lungs. their energy fuels him as he skips back over to his piano.

“than i’ve ever been, my heart...is my armor,” he sings more slowly than he previously had. you can’t take your eyes off of him. “she’s the tear in my heart, she’s a carver.” you try to blink back the tears brimming in your eyes.

he looks so good right now, you just want to run up on stage and hug him as hard as humanly possible.

“she’s a butcher with a smile, cut me farther...” he sings with his eyes closed, the tempo even slower than before. he pauses and holds out the chord on the piano.

his eyes open and immediately fall on yours and you feel a strong tug on your heart as tears start to fall onto your face. his mouth opens slightly and you can tell he felt the same thing you just did. “(y/n)?” his voice rings in your head. you nod as you start to sob into your hands, but still looking at him.

“than i’ve ever been.” he manages to choke out slowly, his eyes never leaving you once. his voice wavers a bit, sounding on the brink of tears. josh crashes on his symbols like crazy for the big finish. tyler covers his mouth with one hand, trying to prevent himself from crying on stage, but soon failing. your smile grows bigger than you ever thought it could.

he covers his face with his hands, quickly wiping his tears away. jamie and carly are crying and shouting in high pitched voices, claiming ‘that was the most wholesome thing they’ve ever witnessed’ and they ‘hardcore ship you guys’.

you never thought you could be happier than you are right now in this moment.

to be continued...

[sindrafalcone]

Adventures in Babysitting Pt.2

Fandom: BIGBANG/ Choi Seung Hyun x reader

Synopsis: A babysitting job turns into something unexpected…

Warnings: none

Author’s Note: Thanks for your patience guys! This is a bit of a necessary build up chapter.  Which is why I struggled with it so dang much. But, there’s  still fluff, so... there’s that to look forward to! :)  The other parts will follow as I finish them.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. This story contains fictional representations of real people. None of the events are true. This is from an American standpoint, so some of the situations may not happen the same way they might in Korea. I make no money from the writing of this fictional work.

Masterlist

Part 1

You'd tried your best to question the man further, but he just held his hand up to stop you. Then, with a resigned sigh, he stalked into the kitchen. Silently you watched as he started pulling wine bottles from the rack. He would read the label, make a 'thinking' face & then shake his head and slide it back into place. Finally he came up with a bottle of chilled wine from the cooler that seemed to satisfy him.

You saw him take two wine glasses out of a cabinet and it seemed as if he was going to share with you. He got a corkscrew from a drawer & before you could blink, the bottle was open. You wondered briefly if he was a sommelier in a restaurant somewhere. He certainly seemed to be practiced with what he was doing. After sniffing the cork and laying it carefully onto the black marble counter, he poured into the two glasses.

Still not having said a word, he came back into the living room.  He handed over a glass and you were careful to accept it with both hands and a small bow.

“Thank you.” you told him in Korean. You watched as his eyebrows slid upwards in surprise, but he still said nothing until after he'd sat down on the other end of the sofa.

“You speak Korean?” he asked as he swirled the wine in his glass, letting it breathe. You just nodded, too intimidated by his imposing presence to do much else. “Good. That will make things much easier. My name is Seunghyun.” he said with a small, shy smile.

“___________.” you replied, mimicking his actions with your own glass.

He smiled again at hearing your name & you had the sudden thought that he should smile more often. It did a lot to brighten his demeanor and make him less daunting.

“How on earth did they manage to find someone who speaks Korean?” Seunghyun wondered out loud.

He was really posing the question to himself, you knew, but you answered him anyway as soon as you swallowed the wine that had been in your mouth.

“Babysitting website.”

“What?” he asked, almost choking on his own mouthful at your sudden bluntness.

With a sigh, you told him all about the world of online babysitting services and how people could include any sort of stipulation in the ad that they wanted. Some of them had dress requirements and others preferred people with actual Nanny training. But his friends had said that what they were looking for was someone fluent in Korean.

He looked thoughtful for a minute. “Well... at least they thought of that. How long and how much?” he asked, taking another sip of wine.

“Hmmmm?” you asked him, temporarily distracted by the movement of the muscles in his throat as he swallowed.

“How long are you staying and how much are they paying you?” he clarified with a cheeky grin.

“Oh! Uh, they wanted me to stay overnight and I'll get two-thousand in the morning.”

Seunghyun's eyebrows shot up again at the amount & he huffed out a short burst of air in surprise. “Well... at least I'm worth that much.”

“Look...” you set your glass down carefully onto the coffee table. “I didn't know when I agreed to the job that you were an adult. They didn't even tell me your name, for heaven's sake.”

“Oh, I'm sure they didn't.” he said, his voice dark with promised revenge.

You felt sorry for the guy, you really did. “If it makes you uncomfortable... I can leave.” you said in a small voice. You really needed the money but, if he didn't want you here, you weren't going to force your company on him.

“Who said I was uncomfortable?”

“Well, no one. But, if I had known this was just a joke between friends, I wouldn't have agreed to do it. I thought it was a legitimate job.” you tried to explain.

“It is a legitimate job.” he said seriously. When you tried to argue the point, he just held up his hand like he had earlier & your words died in your throat. This was a man who was used to having his demands met... and it showed. “I have a tendency to get myself into trouble when I'm left alone. That's especially true when I'm in an unfamiliar place, like now. I'm sure that, to you, it might look like they were trying to pull a prank on me. But, honestly, they're just worried about my safety.”

You nodded and took a moment to think over his words, reaching over to pick up your glass from the table.

“They told me that you were upset that they were going out.”

He winced. “That's... partially true. Honestly, I just didn't feel like clubbing tonight.”

“Hmmmmm...” you mused. “They also mentioned that you were pouting because you didn't get to do something that you wanted to earlier.” Seeing his reaction when you used the word 'pouting', you were quick to defend yourself with a smile. “Hey... their words not mine!”

“Jiyong?” he asked & you nodded. “Yeah... figures. I wouldn't exactly call it pouting. But I was angry.”

“What was it you wanted to do? Maybe we could do it now instead of just hanging out in this hotel room. Although, I don't mind staying in if that's what you'd rather do.”

“I appreciate it, but I don't think going there is an option.” Seunghyun shook his head sadly. “Ever since I found out we were going to be coming to this city, I've been planning a trip to the Museum of Modern Art.”

“Oh really?” you tried your best to sound nonchalant.

He nodded excitedly, his enthusiasm bringing a smile to your face. “Yeah. There's an exhibit there that I really wanted to see.”

You noted the absolute longing in his voice. “Let's go then.” you said, setting your glass down again.

“They would be closed by now...” he said, checking his watch.

“You might just be surprised.” you grinned.

It took you almost twenty minutes to convince Seunghyun to just trust you. But he eventually agreed and got dressed. You tried your best not to swallow your tongue when he emerged from his bedroom looking like a model straight off the runway. Correction... he looked better than a model.

“You okay?” he asked with a smirk as he buttoned the cuff of his blue button down shirt.

“Fine!” you squeaked, jumping up from the sofa and smoothing your suddenly sweaty palms down the front of your pants.

Seunghyun just chuckled & gestured you towards the entryway to the suite. Once there, he had surprised you by helping you into your coat before grabbing his own. You were pretty sure that his hands lingered on your shoulders, giving them a slight squeeze before moving away, but it was over so quickly you wondered if you imagined it. You turned to look at him, only to see him sliding a face mask into place.

“Ready to go whenever you are.” he said.

The two of you made your way down to the lobby of the hotel, Seunghyun staying close by your side the entire way. The doorman hailed a cab for you, and held the door open as you slid inside & Seunghyun sat down next to you. You told the driver the address of the museum & settled in for the ride. Looking over, you noticed that he seemed a little nervous.

“You okay?” you asked, laying a concerned hand on his arm as you mimicked his words from earlier.

Seunghyun nodded. “I don't often travel in foreign taxi's. It's a... unique experience for me.”

To distract him, you asked exactly which exhibit it was that he wanted to see. Then you sat back and watched as he animatedly explained the new Surrealist collection that you knew all too well. For the entire cab ride, you listened while he described specific pieces and artists in detail. You'd met a few of the artists he was talking about & from the way he described them and their work, you wondered if he had too. He seemed more than wealthy enough... judging by the hotel suite, his qualityof clothes, and his expensive taste in wine.

Before either of you realized, you'd arrived at your destination. After paying the fare, you were slightly surprised when Seunghyun helped you get out of the taxi.

“Thanks.” you said, giving his hand  a gentle squeeze. He said nothing, just gave a slight, gentlemanly bow. “Follow me.” you told him, walking away from the front entrance of the museum.

You took him around the side of the building, to the employee entrance. Then you dug your ID card out of your purse, scanning it at the machine and then tapping in a code on the keypad. You smiled when the little light blinked green and reached for the door handle.

“Wait... you work here?!?” Seunghyun said from behind you as you pulled the heavy, metal door open.

You chuckled. “Surprise! And, before you ask, no... your friends didn't know about that when they hired me. Come on, I've got to go tell the security guard why I'm here before he freaks out.”

Seunghyun followed you down a  series of dim hallways until you'd reached a small office of sorts. He hung back a little as you talked with the guard, an older man with a large belly, who looked like he might have been a policeman at one time. After a few minutes of conversation, you finally backed out of the office and gestured for Seunghyun to follow you.

“You're lucky that the Surrealist exhibit is on the ground floor. The elevators are off at night & we would have to climb the stairs.” you tried to make small-talk as you led him out into the main lobby.

“How did you convince him to let you bring me in?” Seunghyun asked.

You turned to face him, walking backwards through the large, open space as you talked... just like you did several times a day as a tour guide.“I told him you were a foreign art investor.” you said with a huge grin.

He grinned back with a chuckle. “And he actually bought it?”

“Obviously.” you laughed, arms gesturing widely at the lobby. “You're here, right?”

Having finally reached the entrance to the gallery, you reached into the box on the wall that held the tour pamphlets & handed him one. His fingers brushed yours as he took it from you, and you shivered slightly.

“Do you want the whole tour or would you just rather look around on your own?” you asked, trying not to show just how much his brief touch had affected you.

“I think I'd prefer looking on my own. I like for it to be quiet while I view new art.”

You nodded knowingly. “Okay. There's a map on there along with brief paragraphs about each piece, but I'll be nearby.  If you need any extra information about the art or artist just ask.”

Seunghyun smiled as he watched you walk away into the gallery, using some sort of key to open a panel so you could switch on all the lights in this room. As you wandered off to the right side, he chose to go left. He felt so grateful that you were willing to let him peruse the art at his leisure without hovering. He hated it when people watched him while he was trying to concentrate on what the art pieces were trying to say to him.

And that was how the two of you spent the next two hours. Seunghyun would quietly call your name occasionally to ask a question or sometimes even to see what your thoughts were about a specific piece or artist. Then you would walk away again, leaving him to his obvious bliss. You tried to surreptitiously watch him from across the room... admiring his long legs and broad shoulders. He would stand, feet slightly apart, hands behind his back and just stare at each piece. You noticed that he took his time with all of them, sometimes tilting his head to the side or stepping over to the left or right to get a different view.

When he decided he was finished, he tucked the pamphlet that you'd given him into his inside coat pocket and walked over to where you were. Seunghyun wasn't sure how, but he was filled with a sudden determination to somehow repay you for this gift that you'd given him.

“Feeling better now?” you asked him with a teasing smile.

“Much.” he smiled back. “Thank you, _________,  both for this opportunity that I thought was a lost cause and for giving me my space while I looked. I really appreciate it.”

His words were so heartfelt that you had to swallow the lump in your throat before answering him.

“Not a problem. I'm happy that I could make it happen for you.” you told him honestly, opening the light panel again and switching everything back off.

After swinging back by the office to let the guard know you were leaving, you'd gone back out through the same door you'd entered.

“What now?” you asked him, wondering if  he wanted to do something else or just head back to the hotel. But before Seunghyun could say anything his stomach rumbled loudly, making both of you giggle.

“I guess I should have eaten something before my nap.” he laughed.

“Do you trust me?” you asked, smiling when he simply nodded shyly.  “Good. I know a great place about a block from here. Mind if we walk?”

“Not at all.”

In a bold move, you held your hand out for him to take. For a moment he just stared at it like you'd lost your mind.

“Hey... I'm still babysitting you.” you explained, hand still outstretched. “That means I'm responsible for your safety. And if we're going to walk the city streets, I've got to make sure that you don't get lost.”

It wasn't technically a lie. If you'd been babysitting a child, you would have done the exact same thing.  Seunghyun didn't need to know that you were reaching for an excuse to feel the same thrill that you had when he'd helped you out of the taxi earlier.  

He nodded his head in resolve after a moment's hesitation. “O...okay.” his voice sounded so unsure that you worried that you'd made a mistake.

Tentatively he fit his palm against your hand, his long fingers threading into the space between yours & the two of you headed off into the night in search of food.

[greekstreetart-talks]

Giorgos Wake Beleveslis

The beginning of the new season comes with the architect in profession and street artist Giorgos Wake Beleveslis from Thessaloniki, permanently living in Berlin. Particularly polite and friendly he discusses with us about his start, Yakuza (a group with great interest since as a result of it several artists with remarkable works appeared ), the characters he creates in the public space and the way of life in the big urban centers.

When and how does your relation with visual art begin? Does the environment that you grew up affected you or is it a personal need which you evolved? I discovered my interest in painting only when graffiti knocked my door. I was 14 years old and suddenly found myself with a tool in my hands with which I could express myself and communicate in a new way. I didn’t have any direct influence from my family, we all together discovered what this is and where it could take me. Then I studied at the Architecture university of Volos and also met RTMone. These two have shaped a more structured and multifaceted relationship with visual arts.

When did you start to create in public space and what was the need that pushed you to? What does the street offer to an artist and what kind of difficulties come up? The year of 1998 in the basketball courts of Thessaloniki I began to observe the painted walls and realizing that from all the hip hop elements in my life this was the most surprising. At that time the book “Color of the City 1” came to my hands and everything cleared up: SGB, 114, I was totally hooked. The relation of a street artist with the street is a constantly changing situation. I started overwhelmed by the adrenalin and the immediate relation I develop with my city. A writer receives a great amount of knowledge when it comes to the urban fabric where he acts, that’s always a potential advantage. The endless hours spent outside is an educational procedure. In spite of the difficulties, all this situation can’t  have but positive influence on the style of our work, on how we perceive people and our place in society. There comes a moment when this long-term life experience gives you back the stimuli you need growing up to continue  being creative.

Member of Yakuza. A Greek crew that has great interest. When was it created, who does it consist of, how did it start and how do you imagine its future? Since 2003, the first core was born in Volos where with RTMone and Sive we developed a long friendship and through the “chill vibe” of countryside we could focus on character design and experiment with the surrounding area. The fact that we were far away from the grind of the competitive graffiti community in Athens, gave us the creative freedom to try new things, while we were still in the shadows.

As the workload was increasing, our personal style was becoming more defined and as the internet was making its way in our lives, our desire to introduce ourselves in a wider audience was growing.In 2006 the second core of the crew was making in parallel its own way in Thessaloniki with Amok, Risk, Rasel, Spike to produce high quality work attracting our interest. Us meeting each other led to the creation of a very explosive mix of traditional graffiti and a new school approach between street art and contemporary muralism. Perhaps it was the first time for all of us when there were all the elements that we liked in the wall. This coexistence seemed to have another dynamic. It was only a matter of time for Amok  to say it out loud: Let’s give it a chance and let it roll.

Our course led us to a series of travels, participation in exhibitions and festivals and mainly many chances to produce new material. This interaction morphed in many ways the members of the group that now belong in a wide spectrum of arts: painting, muralism (Sive), illustration, teaching and organizing workshops (Rtmone), architecture, installations (Wake), tattoo, graphic design (Amok, Rasel), lettering (Risk, Spike), music and break-dance (12os Pithikos aka Winte)

You give the impression that there’s a lot of love and deep appreciation between you. How important is it for people with the same vision and goal to create together from scratch? The fact that we created YKZ in a more mature age made us very open-minded and flexible in the way we worked as a group, while we had the chance to begin our friendship on a strong groundwork. Under the umbrella of the group we exchanged knowledge and energy. Graffiti after all is a celebration and a team game. The feeling that you share this journey with similar weird types of people is priceless. For me the crew is the wider circle of friends that directly or indirectly has its own creating contribution all these years: Simao, Larry Gus, Ihad, Sad, Jamer, Apset, Ionas, Rino and the list goes on.

Your characters are probably geometrical, strict, most of the times giving the impression of being melancholic and hypotonic. Tell us about them! Is there each time a different story they “narrate”? The strictness in geometry comes from my architectonical background and my tendency to classify the anatomy in basic typologies. My color palette is more earthy, graffiti is aggressive and I try to minimize the tension and enter smoothly on the wall. Many times my characters are hypotonic, exhausted from the modern lifestyle and the hyper-exposure to information. There exists a feeling of bittersweetness, an incurable sense of nostalgia with references to the adventure of living away from your home. They contain experiential elements, they are illustrations of a notebook I leave on the street to start a dialogue: today I lived and felt that, you?

How much does an artist illustrate oneself or better the stimuli of ones everyday life? Maybe after all art isn’t a product of imagination, something that existed or never will. On the contrary, it’s the most genuine and sincere way to describe the naked reality as it is through a more subjective prism. Everyday life itself, us ourselves and the people with which we correlate is the most endless source of inspiration.

In the last few years you live and work abroad. Is art your main occupation? If not what  is? How much does one influence the other? Since 2011 I live and work in Vienna as an architect. My master studies on urban design gave me the chance to go to avant-garde architecture offices like CoopHimmelb(l)au, where I could remain creative and participate on something I believe in. Architecture and graffiti are communicating vessels through which I exchange knowledge relative to the urban environment and design itself. Many of my projects maintain a dynamic geometry that comes from the deconstructivistic language of graffiti. However architecture is an object with clear limits and the cases that there’s a level of freedom are minimum. I’ ve never tried to make a living exclusively through art, recently I moved to Berlin in search of a better balance between these two.

Austria and Germany until now, right? Which are the differences with the Greek scene but also the reaction of the people to the public artworks? There’s a different tolerance towards graffiti in Greece, not because of the public appreciation for the art but because of the different prioritization of problems of the city, thinking that we have more serious problems to solve. Conditions make Greek graffiti more politicized and emotionally charged, they offer space and motivate a large amount of artists to take action and the quantity gradually brings quality. Berlin has some similarities in that regard but it also has the infrastructures and the history to evolve the Berlin scene in an international level through organizations, galleries, events etc  that familiarize the –already educated- public even more. On the contrary Vienna isn’t the urban scenery in which graffiti will blossom, it passes any creative energy in the Halls of Fame, therefore it’s a city that concentrates on the cultural activities and offers to the public organized murals more and more.

Urban lifestyle where grey dominates, stress and fast-paced way of life. Isolation and distancing between people and nature. Is street art an essential need for a more pleasant daily life? That’s true. The occupation with street art is beneficial, it gives me the ability to mentally return to pleasant memories, it’s a type of psychoanalysis and externalization of a great deal of emotions. It’s a great way of socialization and the most interesting way to discover and be a part of the urban scenery. It’s an escape, a selfless offer on the city and its citizens with whom you’re in dialogue.

In ten years from now? I wish to remain restless, curious and see more. Also live by the sea.

Follow Giorgos Wake Beleveslis Website \ Instagram \ Fb Profile

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Ξεκίνημα της νέας σεζόν με τον αρχιτέκτονα στο επάγγελμα και street artist Γιώργο Wake Μπελεβεσλή από την Θεσσαλονίκη, μόνιμα εγκατεστημένο πλέον στο Βερολίνο. Ιδιαίτερα ευγενικός και φιλικός συζητάει μαζί μας για το ξεκίνημα του, τους Yakuza, (μια ομάδα με μεγάλο ενδιαφέρον καθώς μέσα από αυτή εμφανίστηκαν στην συνέχεια αρκετοί καλλιτέχνες με αξιόλογα έργα), τους χαρακτήρες που δημιουργεί στον δημόσιο χώρο αλλά και τον τρόπο ζωής στα μεγάλα αστικά κέντρα.

Πότε κ πως ξεκινάει η σχέση σου με τα εικαστικά; Σε επηρέασε το περιβάλλον που μεγάλωσες ή είναι μια δίκη σου ανάγκη την οποία καλλιέργησες; Ανακάλυψα το ενδιαφέρον μου για τη ζωγραφική μόνο όταν το graffiti μου χτύπησε την πόρτα. Ήμουν 14 και ξαφνικά βρέθηκα με ένα εργαλείο στα χέρια με το οποίο μπορούσα να εκφραστώ και να επικοινωνήσω με έναν πρωτόγνωρο τρόπο. Δεν είχα κάποια άμεση επιρροή από την οικογένεια μου, κι αυτοί μαζί με μένα ανακαλύπταμε τι είναι αυτό και που μπορεί να με πάει. Ακολούθησαν οι σπουδές μου στην Αρχιτεκτονική του Βόλου και η γνωριμία μου με τον RTMone. Αυτά τα 2 διαμόρφωσαν μια πιο δομημένη και πολύπλευρη σχέση με τα εικαστικά.

Πότε ξεκινάς να δημιουργείς στον δημόσιο χώρο και ποια η ανάγκη για αυτό; Τι διαφορετικό προσφέρει σ’ έναν καλλιτέχνη ο δρόμος και ποιες οι δυσκολίες που προκύπτουν; Το 1998 στα κλειστά γήπεδα μπάσκετ της Θεσσαλονίκης άρχισα να παρατηρώ τους βαμμένους τοίχους και να συνειδητοποιώ ότι από τα στοιχεία της hiphop που είχαν μπει στη ζωή μου αυτό ήταν το πιο ουρανοκατέβατο. Κάπου εκεί προσγειώθηκε στα χέρια μου το βιβλίο Χρώμα της Πόλης 1 και ξεκαθάρισαν όλα: SGB, 114, το μικρόβιο μπήκε για τα καλά. Η σχέση ενός street artist με το δρόμο είναι μια διαρκώς μεταβαλλόμενη κατάσταση. Ξεκίνησα συνεπαρμένος από την αδρεναλίνη και την άμεση σχέση που αποκτάω με την πόλη μου. Ένας writer αναπτύσσει φοβέρες γνώσεις σχετικά με τον αστικό ιστό όπου δρα, αυτό είναι πάντα ένα δυνητικό πλεονέκτημα. Ο ατέλειωτος χρόνος στο έξω είναι μια εκπαιδευτική διαδικασία. Παρόλη τη δυσκολία, όλο αυτό δε μπορεί παρά να έχει μια ευεργετική επίδραση στο ύφος της δουλειάς μας, στο πως αντιλαμβανόμαστε τους ανθρώπους και τη θέση μας μέσα στο κοινωνικό σύνολο. Έρχεται η στιγμή που αυτή η πολύχρονη βιωματική εμπειρία σού επιστρέφει απλόχερα τα ερεθίσματα που χρειάζεσαι μεγαλώνοντας για να συνεχίζεις να είσαι δημιουργικός.

Μέλος των Yakuza. Μια ελληνική ομάδα που έχει μεγάλο ενδιαφέρον. Πότε δημιουργήθηκε, από ποιους απαρτίζεται πως ξεκίνησε και πως βλέπεις το μέλλον της; Από το 2003 ο ένας πυρήνας σιγόκαιγε στο Βόλο όπου μαζί με τον RTMone και τον Sive αναπτύξαμε μια πολύχρονη φιλία και είχαμε τον χρόνο μέσα από τους αργούς ρυθμούς της επαρχίας να εστιάσουμε στο character design και να πειραματιστούμε με τον περιβάλλοντα χώρο. Το γεγονός ότι ήμασταν μακριά από την τριβή της ανταγωνιστικής graffiti κοινότητας στην Αθήνα, μας έδωσε τη δημιουργική ελευθερία να δοκιμάζουμε πράγματα όντας ακόμα στη σκιά.

Όσο ο όγκος της δουλειάς μεγάλωνε τόσο προσδιοριζόταν και το προσωπικό μας ύφος, και όσο το internet έμπαινε στη ζωή μας, τόσο μεγάλωνε και η όρεξη μας να συστηθούμε σε ένα ευρύτερο πια κοινό. Το 2006 ο δεύτερος πυρήνας του crew διέγραφε παράλληλα τη δική του πορεία στη Θεσσαλονίκη, με τον Amok, Risk, Rasel, Spike, να παράγουν πολύ ποιοτική δουλειά κεντρίζοντας το ενδιαφέρον μας. Η γνωριμία μας ήταν ένα πολύ εκρηκτικό μείγμα από παραδοσιακό graffiti και μια new school προσέγγιση που ακροβατούσε ανάμεσα στη street art και το contemporary muralism. Ίσως ήταν η πρώτη φορά για όλους μας όπου στον τοίχο υπήρχαν όλα τα στοιχεία που μας αρέσουν. Aυτή η συνύπαρξη φάνηκε να έχει μια άλλη δυναμική. Ήταν θέμα χρόνου για τον Amok να το πει δυνατά: Ας του δώσουμε ένα όνομα κι ας το αφήσουμε να τσουλήσει.

Η πορεία μας μάς έφερε μια σειρά από ταξίδια, συμμετοχή σε εκθέσεις και φεστιβάλ και κυρίως πολλές αφορμές για να παράγουμε καινούριο υλικό. Αυτή η αλληλεπίδραση διαμόρφωσε κατά πολύ τα μέλη του crew που πλέον ανήκουν σε ένα ευρύ φάσμα των τεχνών: ζωγραφική, muralism (Sive),  illustration, διδασκαλία και οργάνωση workshops (Rtmone), αρχιτεκτονική, installations (Wake), tattoo, γραφιστική (Amok, Rasel ), lettering (Risk, Spike), μουσική και breakdance (12ος Πίθηκος aka Winte).

Δίνετε την εντύπωση πως υπάρχει πολλή αγάπη και βαθιά εκτίμηση μεταξύ σας. Ποσό σημαντικό είναι για ανθρώπους με το ίδιο όραμα και στόχο να δημιουργούν μαζί κάτι από το μηδέν; To γεγονός ότι φτιάξαμε τους ΥΚΖ σε μια πιο ώριμη ηλικία μας έκανε πολύ ανοιχτούς και ευέλικτους στον τρόπο που δουλεύουμε μεταξύ μας, ενώ είχαμε την ευκαιρία να ξεκινήσουμε τη φιλία μας σε πολύ γερές βάσεις. Υπό την ομπρέλα του crew ανταλλάξαμε γνώση και ενέργεια. Tο graffiti εξάλλου είναι γιορτή και ομαδικό παιχνίδι και το συναίσθημα ότι μοιράζεσαι αυτό το ταξίδι με παρόμοιους αλλόκοτους τύπους είναι ανεκτίμητο. Για μένα το crew είναι και ο ευρύτερος φιλικός μας κύκλος που έμμεσά ή άμεσα έχει τη δική του δημιουργική συνεισφορά όλα αυτά χρόνια: Simao, Larry Gus, Ihad, Sad, Jamer, Apset, Ionas, Rino, δεν τελειώνει η λίστα.

Οι χαρακτήρες σου είναι μάλλον γεωμετρικοί, αυστηροί, τις περισσότερες φορές δίνουν την εντύπωση ότι είναι μελαγχολικοί και λίγο υποτονικοί. Μίλησε μας για αυτούς! Υπάρχει μια διαφορετική ιστορία κάθε φορά που αφηγούνται; Η αυστηρότητα στη γεωμετρία προέρχεται από το αρχιτεκτονικό μου υπόβαθρο και την τάση μου να αναγάγω την ανατομία σε βασικές τυπολογίες. Η χρωματική που παλέτα είναι πιο γήινη, το graffiti είναι εξ’ ορισμού επιθετικό και προσπαθώ να μετριάσω τις εντάσεις και να μπω πιο ομαλά στον τοίχο. Πολλές φορές οι χαρακτήρες μου είναι υποτονικοί, εξουθενωμένοι από το σύγχρονο τρόπο ζωής και την υπερέκθεση σε πληροφορία. Υπάρχει μια χαρμολύπη, μια αθεράπευτη νοσταλγία με αναφορές στην περιπέτεια του να ζει κανείς μακριά από τον τόπο του. Περιέχουν βιωματικά στοιχεία, είναι εικονογραφήσεις ενός ημερολογίου που αφήνω στο δρόμο για να ανοίξω έναν διάλογο: Εγώ σήμερα έζησα και αισθάνθηκα αυτό, εσείς;

Ποσό εικονογραφεί ένας καλλιτέχνης τον εαυτό του ή καλύτερα τα ερεθίσματα από την καθημερινότητα του? Ίσως τελικά η τέχνη δεν είναι ένα προϊόν φαντασίας, κάτι που δεν υπήρξε ή δεν θα υπάρξει. Αντιθέτως, είναι ο πιο γνήσιος και ειλικρινής τρόπος για να περιγράψεις την πραγματικότητα γυμνή, ως έχει, μέσα από ένα υποκειμενικό πρίσμα. Η ίδια η καθημερινότητα, ο ίδιος μας ο εαυτός και οι άνθρωποι με τους οποίους συσχετιζόμαστε είναι η πιο αστείρευτη πηγή έμπνευσης.

Τα τελευταία χρόνια ζεις και εργάζεσαι στο εξωτερικό. Η τέχνη είναι η βασική σου εργασία; Αν όχι με τι ασχολείσαι και πόσο επηρεάζει η μια δουλειά την άλλη; Από το 2011 ζω και εργάζομαι στη Βιέννη ως αρχιτέκτονας. Οι μεταπτυχιακές σπουδές μου πάνω στον αστικό σχεδιασμό μού έδωσαν την ευκαιρία να βρεθώ σε avant-garde αρχιτεκτονικά γραφεία όπως οι CoopHimmelb(l)au, όπου μπόρεσα να παραμείνω δημιουργικός και να συμμετέχω σε κάτι που το πιστεύω. Η αρχιτεκτονική και το graffiti είναι για μένα συγκοινωνούντα δοχεία από τα οποία ανταλλάσσω γνώση σχετικά με το αστικό περιβάλλον και τον ίδιο το σχεδιασμό. Πολλά από τα projects μου διατηρούν μια δυναμική γεωμετρία που πηγάζει από την ντεκονστρουκτιβιστική γλώσσα του graffiti. Ωστόσο η αρχιτεκτονική είναι ένα αντικείμενο με σαφείς περιορισμούς και οι περιπτώσεις που υπάρχει ένας βαθμός ελευθερίας είναι ελάχιστες. Δεν έχω προσπαθήσει ποτέ να βιοποριστώ αποκλειστικά από την τέχνη, πρόσφατα μετακόμισα στο Βερολίνο για να βρω μια καλύτερη ισορροπία ανάμεσα στα δυο.

Αυστρία και Γερμανία μέχρι στιγμής, σωστά; Ποιες οι διάφορες με την ελληνική σκηνή αλλά και την αντιμετώπιση του κόσμου στα έργα που γίνονται στον δημόσιο χώρο; Υπάρχει μια διαφορετική ανεκτικότητα απέναντι στο graffiti στην Ελλάδα, όχι τόσο λόγω της εκτίμησης του κοινού για την τέχνη όσο της διαφορετικής ιεράρχησης των προβλημάτων της πόλης, υπό την έννοια ότι έχουμε πιο σοβαρά πράγματα να λύσουμε. Οι συνθήκες κάνουν το ελληνικό graffiti πιο πολιτικοποιημένο και συναισθηματικά φορτισμένο, προσφέρουν χώρο και δίνουν ερέθισμα σε έναν μεγάλο αριθμό καλλιτεχνών να δράσουν και η ποσότητα φέρνει σταδιακά και ποιότητα. Το Βερολίνο έχει κάποιες ομοιότητες ως προς αυτό το κομμάτι, αλλά έχει και τις υποδομές και την ιστορία να εξελίξει την βερολινέζική σκηνή σε διεθνές επίπεδο, μέσα από φορείς, galleries και events που εξοικειώνουν το -έτσι κι αλλιώς εκπαιδευμένο- κοινό ακόμα παραπάνω. Αντιθέτως η Βιέννη δεν είναι το αστικό τοπίο στο οποίο το graffiti θα ανθίσει, διοχετεύει την όποια δημιουργική ενέργεια στα Halls of Fame, συνεπώς δεν θα έλεγα ότι υπάρχει μια μαζική σκηνή που να ταράσσει τα νερά. Ωστόσο, είναι μια πόλη που εστιάζει στις πολιτιστικές δραστηριότητες και προσφέρει στο κοινό οργανωμένες τοιχογραφίες ολοένα και περισσότερο.

Αστικός τρόπος ζωής, πολύ γκρι, άγχος και γρήγοροι ρυθμοί. Απομόνωση αλλά και απομάκρυνση του ανθρώπου από την φύση. Η street art είναι ουσιαστική ανάγκη για μια πιο ευχάριστη καθημερινότητα; Ισχύει αυτό. Η ενασχόληση με τη street art είναι ευεργετική, μου δίνει τη δυνατότητα να επιστρέφω νοερά σε ωραίες αναμνήσεις, είναι ένα είδος ψυχανάλυσης και εξωτερίκευσης μεγάλου όγκου συναισθημάτων. Είναι σπουδαίος φορέας κοινωνικοποίησης και ο πιο ενδιαφέρον τρόπος να ανακαλύψεις και να συμμετέχεις στο αστικό τοπίο. Είναι διαφυγή, είναι μια ανιδιοτελής προσφορά στην πόλη και τους κατοίκους της με τους οποίους βρίσκεσαι σε διάλογο. 

Σε 10 χρόνια από τώρα; Να παραμείνω ανήσυχος και περίεργος να δω κι άλλα. Να ζω κοντά στη θάλασσα.